#but lets not pretend this stuff is unimportant to those as online as i

[soupthatistohot]

Why do I write primarily mlm fanfic?

This was something I asked myself the other day. I am a girl, I think I'm queer (but I am attracted to men, whatever I am), so why do I fixate on mlm relationships? Why do I never feel compelled to write wlw or even just some good 'ol straight stuff? I brought this up to a few friends of mine who also watch anime. One of them said that it’s because lots of popular media only really focuses on developing their male characters well, and I think this to be a very suitable explanation (as well as the fact that I’m queer and thus gravitate towards queer stories).

Take Sk8 the Infinity for example. I could count the number of female characters in this anime on one hand, and one of them is a robot. The others are supporting roles who only serve to support the male main characters. I love Sk8 very much, and with the possibility of a 2nd season I’d love to see a prominent, well-developed female character (but if they make her Reki’s love interest I will literally stab someone). But as the anime stands right now, there are no female characters that aren't just basically plot devices.

Another show I love dearly, Yuri!!! on Ice, is much the same. While there can be more of an argument made here because 1) competitive figure skating is split up between men and women, and 2) I believe that the story Yuuri and Victor is absolutely meant to be a romance, so having the two men as the focus is somewhat necessary, there's an overwhelming lack of fleshed-out women in the story. All the female characters are supporting members that only exist for the benefit of male characters. Yuuko and Minako support Yuuri, Lilia exists so Yuri P. can improve, Mila is just... kind of there, and Sara's whole character is centered around her brother being overprotective of her.

Okay, so let's look at something a little less... fruity. Horimiya. I've only watched the anime, so if there's stuff I miss from not having read the manga (yet), please forgive me. I still think this is a valid perspective, though, because if there's female development that the creators decided was so unimportant that it could be cut, that still supports my point here. In my opinion, Miyamura is a lot more developed than Hori. He has his tragic backstory of being a loner, and having his secret piercings and tattoos and all that. A lot of the story ends up focusing on his side of things... despite the fact that Hori is the protagonist. The story follows her perspective for the most part, we learn things about Miyamura as she does, yet I feel like she's a bit dull. She has a uncommon home life and has to take care of her younger brother, that's her big bad secret? I get that it's kind of unexpected since she's the pretty, perfect, popular girl, but I still feel like it's a tad anticlimactic. It's hardly ever addressed beyond the first few episodes, too, and it just kind of exists as a fact within the story. Even beyond our main couple, it seems like the other female characters development and stories are all focused on the boy they're interested in (except for Sawada, but she's there for like a couple of episodes and then doesn't really show up all that much again... and her crush on Hori is handled really weird, I didn't exactly love it). Remi's entire character is pretty much centered around her boyfriend, and Sakura and Yuki are basically competing for Toru. Meanwhile, the guys have story beats themed around the girls they're interested in, but I feel like it's not as obsessive or dramatic as how the girls are depicted.

So, we're given these female characters, who are really watered-down and honestly kind of boring, and we're not super compelled to write about them. When we are given flat female characters, there's nothing to work with. It's more fun to use the characters who have had development and play around with the "what ifs" and our own personal headcannons. The characters who get this special treatment are primarily male. And while I commend a lot of shows for developing their male characters in such a way that doesn't exactly fit with society's idea of masculinity (ex: Reki's insecurities and depression, Yuuri's anxiety and femininity, Miyamura's isolation and depression), in the end these characters are still boys, men, males.

I also think mlm is so prominent because of both straight girls and queer people. For straight girls, it can often be fetishization (forgive my generalizing, I'm sure not all straight girls are like that, but an overwhelming amount definitely are). I think one of the best examples I can give for this is Phan. This is a bit different since it's not anime, but instead real people, but if anything that really drives home the point even more. The way Dan and Phil were (and probably still are) treated in the fandom internet space is disturbing, to say the least. Their audience, while much of it was queer, was also made up of an overwhelming amount of heterosexual girls who not only shipped them intensely, but also often sexualized them. And look, there's nothing inherently wrong with being a straight girl and writing smut, but it gets to a point where it can be kind of weird if its excessive. Like, if that's all the relationship is really about, and if the people you're writing about are real human beings, that's definitely overstepping. I will admit that I had a Wattpad and that I wrote Phanfic way back when, and this is something I'm not exactly proud of. Granted, I did not write anything explicit, it was still super weird, whether or not I was queer. And I'm not saying all the problematic aspects of the Phandom were because of straight girls, because what I contributed was arguably problematic, and I did not identify as straight at the time. At the same time, though, there were straight girls who wrote exclusively smut (or "lemons" as they might've been referred to at the time). There were those who analyzed every post, every bit of information they could find about these men on the internet. They obsessed over the fact that they occasionally shared clothes (which is fairly common for roomates of similar sizes to do), and gathered evidence to support the theory that they shared a bed. It was bad. It was invasive, and it got to the point where it wasn't about the people, it was about the fetishized fantasy these girls made up in their heads about these real, actual men.

Dan and Phil's online presence kind of disappeared for a few years... and I don't blame them.

Getting back on track, mlm is prominent for queer people because it's the LGBT representation they so desperately want to see actualized in media. If a show doesn't make their favorite queer ship canon (and they often don't), they'll do it themselves! That's what fanfic is for! I also know that queer people project onto these characters a lot, and that writing about them is almost like a form of therapy. They see these characters as queer, and they see themselves in these characters, so they write about these characters experiencing similar emotions to them. The thing is, the most compelling characters are male, so those are the characters they end up focusing on, even if the person in question is strictly sapphic. My best example is how I project onto Reki. Personally, I end up thinking of him as (and thus end up writing him as) having some internalized homophobia around being bisexual. That's literally what I am currently going through. I can't project this onto any of the female characters in Sk8, because I couldn't see them going through this experience because they're not developed enough to.

Despite all of this, I still enjoy all of the shows I mention a lot. I think it's just an interesting topic that I was thinking about. I'm not trying to bash anything that I used as an example, these were just my personal observations based off of what I know about these shows and their fandoms. I do, though, believe shipping real people isn't super cool, and I stand by that as someone who used to do it. I'm not going to stop you... I just think it's intrusive and inappropriate to pretend like you know enough about influencers to dictate who they should be involved with romantically. Their love life is, frankly, none of your damn business.

So, long story short, we should make anime (and popular media in general) less misogynistic.

(Also, please leave Dan and Phil alone, they deserve privacy)

[cuttoothed]

i know im not supposed to be online rn, but i am absolutely dying so: cherry cola for jonmartin thank u i owe u one

You're not online, shhh, what are you even talking about? ;)

The softness continues.

*

When Jane Prentiss attacks the Archives, they almost die, and Martin kisses him. It’s...not something important. The tape is off at the time, which - when Jon considers it much later on - means that it definitely wasn’t important. Not worthy of being recorded, interrogated by the Eye.

It’s right after Martin makes fun of Jon for thinking he might be a ghost, and Jon tells Martin to shut up. Martin comes and sits beside Jon on the floor, and the silence is loud with the squirming of tiny bodies outside the door, and they are both acutely aware that these are probably the last few minutes of their lives. Jon is considering that maybe he should have been a bit more truthful, with himself and everyone else, and then Martin says:

“Jon…” in a voice that is nervous and breathless, and when Jon turns to look at him, his eyes are afraid and hopeful.

“Look,” Martin says, “If we’re going to die anyway - ”

And Martin kisses him. His lips are soft against Jon’s, and...sweet, when Jon lets his own lips part. A flavor almost like sherbet, but not quite, and Jon thinks it would be cloying, if it weren’t on Martin’s mouth. Tries to forget that he thought that, as the hammering on the wall grows louder and they break apart, ready for death to break through.

It turns out it’s only Tim, and the rest is a matter of record. Jon doesn’t think about it again.

That’s a lie, of course. He thinks about it a lot, even as he grows more and more sure that one of his archival staff is a murderer. (It’s not paranoia if someone is probably out to get you.) He is well aware that Martin kissing him does not in any way preclude him being Gertrude’s murderer.

But the point is, there are far more important things to worry about, and eventually Jon almost entirely forgets about it. Yes, it’s the first time he’s been kissed in years. And yes, it was probably the nicest thing that’s happened to him in a long time, impending worm death aside. But, well, it’s just terribly unimportant, and anyway Martin probably regrets it - if he’s ever even thought about it since, they were about to die, after all, and -

Well it’s just. Not.

He doesn’t really think about it again for a long time, aside from those occasions when he lies in bed late at night, touching fingers to his lips and remembering that soft touch, that odd, sweet taste. Barely at all, really.

When Melanie takes her turn going to the chipper you never know what you’re going to get, because she’s terrible at remembering orders and refuses to write them down. This time she actually brings Jon what he asked for, which is a nice surprise up until he takes a mouthful from his allotted sugary soft drink and almost chokes. It tastes exactly like -

“What is this?” he sputters.

“Cola?” Melanie suggests, biting into a chicken tender. Then, squinting at it: “Cherry cola?”

“Why on earth would you - ” Jon begins before realizing the futility of the question. He stares at the offending beverage. His heart is suddenly racing. He gets to his feet.

He doesn’t knock on the door to Martin’s office, just barges straight in so Martin doesn’t have time to hide from him. Martin looks at him with startled indignation, and before he can launch into all the reasons why Jon shouldn’t be here talking to him, Jon says:

“Cherry cola.”

“I - what?” Martin says, looking bewildered. “Look, Jon, you can’t - ”

“Two years ago,” Jon continues over him, because this is important. “You kissed me in document storage because we were about to die, and I’ve...been thinking about it ever since, a bit. What it, ah, tasted like. And then today I got the wrong drink, and it was - awful, by the way, I don’t know how anyone drinks the stuff - but it was that taste. From when you kissed me. Which...wasn’t awful.”

“I didn’t kiss you because we were about to die,” Martin mutters, looking down at his hands. Then, looking up: “Wait a minute, you’ve never had cherry cola before today?”

“That’s hardly the point, Martin.”

“So what is the point then, Jon?”

“The point is - ” Jon begins, and stalls. What is the point? That two years later he still hasn’t forgotten Martin’s lips against his, firm and gentle? That he’s thought about it, far more than he should have? That until today it never occurred to him that the taste was anything other than Martin, because Martin has always been something unique to Jon, even when that fact unsettled and irritated him.

“The point is, I should have asked you,” Jon says. “I should have - we should have talked about it. Not pretended it didn’t happen. We...should have talked about a lot of things.”

“We should have,” Martin says, and he doesn’t sound bitter, only sad, and tired. “But we didn’t. And it’s a bit late now, don’t you think?”

“It doesn’t need to be.”

Jon walks carefully closer, around the desk. Martin is staring down at his hands again. He takes in a long breath that shudders a little. Jon can’t see his eyes.

“Two years, Jon. Why are you bringing this up now? Because you’re lonely?”

“No,” Jon tells him firmly. “That’s not why. I’m just - sick of ignoring things and hoping I don’t have to face them. I’m sick of - of pretending I’m okay without you. And I need you to know. If you’re staying away from me because you don’t want to be around me, that’s fine, I respect that. But if you’re doing it for my good, in some way, then...it’s not working, Martin.”

Martin looks up at him, and his eyes are red rimmed. He looks like someone who’s resolved to do something they don’t want to, and is now trying very hard to hang onto that decision.

“I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“You can’t,” Jon says, and he hears the wobble in his own voice. “I don’t know if that’s something Lukas told you, but you can’t. None of us are safe. None of us will be. But I don’t want to miss you as well. I don’t want to - to not think about things anymore.”

The silence stretches between them for long moments, taut and breathless. Martin huffs a quiet laugh, and says:

“Lip balm.”

“What?”

“The - cherry cola flavor. It was lip balm that I got free at some soft drink promotion. I don’t think I used it more than a couple of times.”

“Right,” says Jon. “It was - nice.”

“Even though you think cherry cola is awful.”

“Even though,” Jon agrees. “Because it was you.”

“Jon...” Martin says shakily, and then he is pushing up out of his seat while Jon is bending down, and they end up poised awkwardly in the middle, braced against the desk. Their mouths meet, hesitant and careful, and Martin doesn’t taste of artificial sweetness, only of Martin, his lips a little dry and chapped, his hands cupping Jon’s face gently. Jon leans into it with everything he has, and god, he can’t believe he let himself miss out on this for two years.

“So, what do we do now?” Martin asks when they part. “I can’t just walk away from what I’ve been doing. It’s - important. Save the world important.”

“Can you...tell me about it? Maybe I can help?”

“I - yes, okay,” Martin says, his lips pursed. “But you have to promise, Jon. You’ll listen. And not just assume you’re right and I’m wrong.”

“I don’t - ” Jon begins and then nods. “Right, you’re right. I do that. I’ll try not to, I promise. I just...want to help. So you don’t have to do it alone.”

“Okay,” Martin says, and takes in a deep breath. “Okay. It...started while you were dead.”

[greengargouille]

AC x ML: Static, Part 1

((So... Do any of you guys remember when, more than one year ago, I posted something about Which Partner, and I mentioned something about an akumatized Mimura? And then I mentioned it here and there and never seemed to publish any actual content about it?

Well, one year, multiple changes on the costume/power idea and a lot of inspiration, I’m... still not done. But since it’s Which Partner’s second birthday, why not publish the first half as a way to mark the occasion? Besides it being a bad idea for editing in details I forgot, I mean.))

The days following a big project always had a special taste to Mimura.

The freed time was great, of course, nobody would argue that. And it was a relief not having to worry about his parents catching him working on that when he pretended to be studying (well, not so much pretending as not correcting them when they assumed it was the case). But, mostly? It was just the satisfaction of a job well done. One step further toward maturing his skills. Sharpening his vision and showing it to the world.

 …To think not so long ago, he was still settled on never letting others know about his amateur film productions. The second year of junior high certainly had dampened his enthusiasm over the creative process. If it wasn’t for Korosensei- if it wasn’t for becoming friends with other artists- he might have actually abandoned it all, letting this part of him rot and suffocate till he no longer felt anything toward cinema or directing. Falling into class E might have been what saved him.

 Still, nothing Mimura had ever done, even before that year, was comparable to how ambitious he has been this time. With how popular Ladybug and Black Cat were, not just on a town or prefecture level but actual national status due to the moon explosion theories making all of Japan aware of supernatural beings, any project related to them was sure to bring views. For this one-of-a-time opportunity, his work had to be flawless. He had spent days seeking the highest quality videos available on the two superheroes, pondering over and over on the music, the transitions… Even in his first year in the film research club, he never had spent so much time and effort in a single work- not for one of such a short length, at least. 

A fake trailer. By using fan footage of the akumatized fights and the TV news interviews of the town’s heroes, with some editing and a voiceover narration, making a pretend video for a movie about the miraculous holders. Especially tricky since he couldn’t go ask said holders to play out a scene for him to film. 

Boy did Mimura had felt his heart pound when he posted it online. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep without checking every five minutes if he actually posted the right thing, hadn’t made any glaring error or anything off-putting. And checking the ladybug forum for new messages and seeing the positive reactions… The excitement had kept him awake. Thankfully he posted it on Saturday afternoon and didn’t have to worry about dozing through morning classes. 

Still, this Sunday might be free of classes, but not of any event. As a sort of celebration- and partly because Mimura had put his social time aside while he worked-, the artist trio decided to hang out together at the mall and go see a movie. The boy wasn’t too sure about its potential quality, as he had very mixed feelings over the director’s previous works, but it was his first time making a horror story, and he was working with that music composer Mimura liked. 

“Hey, you guys! I didn’t make you wait too long?”

It was rare for him to be the last to arrive. Granted, whenever he went to an exhibit with Sugaya, the artist was dragging with him way too much supplies, a supplementary weight he brought ‘just in case’. God, how many times Mimura had to help him carry his stuff as they had to run away from the rain. Thankfully the boy had judged unnecessary to bring anything this time.

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” Okajima replied while getting up from the bench where he was waiting. “We’ve got largely enough time before the screening. -More importantly,” Sugaya interjected, “congrats for your video! I saw this morning, it was almost at fifty thousand views? -Wow, no way, let me check.” Okajima took his phone and started to type. “Well, there are a lot of people on the Ladyblog forum…” Mimura started to answer, all kinds of excuses rushing into his head. “Right, there was a lot of positive comments, wasn’t it? You deserve it.”

Mimura really didn’t know how to reply to that, and it was even tougher knowing Sugaya was probably sincere and he couldn’t brush it off as politeness. Being praised- having an undisputable achievement- those weren’t things he was used to. Not like this. Not on that.

But it’s not like he could deny he had done something, and that something was successful. How much time one had to wait for the other shoe to drop before having to admit they did a great job?

“…Thank you.” It was hesitant, but it was a start.

Sugaya replied with a smile, one of those soft smiles where he unconsciously tilted his head on the side, which made Mimura finally relax. It was fine. Maybe he did deserve it after all.

“Hm. Guys. You need to check that.”

Okajima turned his phone toward them. A single sentence, white over a dark screen. A single, ordinary sentence, one Mimura had read plenty of times; yet seeing it brought out an uneasy feeling, which increased as Okajima explicated the obvious:

“The video had been taken down.”

--

“It wasn’t great, but it was entertaining, at least.” Okajima commented before biting on his burger.

 Despite the unpleasant news, Mimura had insisted for them to go through what they had planned. After all, they were already close to the shopping mall, and just because he would skip a movie and fast food lunch, his video wouldn’t suddenly magically reappear. He would need to look into the details of it, of course. But, later. No need to rush. It wasn’t urgent. Nothing that mattered.

“I dunno, I feel like I wasted my time. Like, the special effects are clearly the main point of the film, but they felt uninspired.” Sugaya replied while grabbing some fries.

 Plus, a movie was distracting, which was welcome at this moment. No need to act before calming down. A great film would have been better, of course, one where Mimura could get immersed and forget all about his current worries as he analyzed it. That’s what he did back when his grades started to drop. It had bordered more on denial then, actually, ignoring the problem till he was too big to ignore, and at that point it was too late. But that wasn’t the case now. Because there was nothing to ignore. Just a silly little problem.

 “Yeah, I see what you mean. Instead of showing us the creature, it would have been better to leave it in the dark, it would have been scarier.”

 The thing was, Mimura didn’t have the authorization for some of the footage he had used. He had tried to contact whoever he could, all the small intrepid reporters that happened to be on place during an akumatized fight, but he had completely forgotten to check for the TV interviews. It wouldn’t have been a problem most of the time, but maybe, for a more popular video…

“There’s that, of course, but also the music, it was fine but I felt it wasn’t used very well? They should have just cut it at some place. I don’t really know how to explain… What do you think, Mimura?”

Or was it the music? He was pretty sure it was free of rights, was he mistaken? Either way it would be able to remake the video while cutting the faulty element. It was all structured together. He couldn’t correct it.

“…Mimura? -…Sorry, what? I was thinking of something else.”

Sugaya and Okajima shared a look of concern. Oh, that was what Mimura had wanted to avoid. Concern. He wasn’t especially upset- shouldn’t be, over such a trivial matter- but with all the akuma attacks over the town, everyone was a bit on edge over any potential crisis. Still, he was annoyed his friends would think he would break down over something so unimportant. Between the school’s ostracisation, the wall he had constructed between him and his parents, and now the assassination, he had gone through much more stressful. It’s not a little annoyance over a hobby that would change things. 

“…Dude,” Okajima said, “if you want to talk, we’re here, okay? -That’s great to know.” Mimura replied in a way he hoped was casual. “But I’m fine. I was just thinking about something else, that’s all.” He immediately switched on an excuse. “My father told me to stop at the convenience store on the way to buy something, but I couldn’t remember what. I think I should try to call him now before I forget. Can you guys watch my stuff? -Sure?”

Mimura got up from his seat and took his phone from his pocket while leaving the table, barely checking to see his classmates’ reactions. Only a phone call. It was normal to go outside- well, outside the restaurant at least, he wasn’t planning to leave the mall- when calling someone.

Right, that won him a few minutes to himself. Couldn’t do more, or that would be suspicious. He still had barely touched his own meal after all.

…Sometimes it was exhausting pretending to be fine. Mimura knew his face showed his emotions easily, and he wasn’t so smooth a liar he wouldn’t slip up if someone asked him directly what was wrong; he was more the kind to redirect the subject before said question came up. All of this… it made him feel resentful against those who were concerned over him, for all the stress that added to him. Couldn’t they just ignore him and leave him sulk? But at the same time, it was his own fault for feeling bad about the situation in the first place. Why did he had to invest so much into something that didn’t matter? Why did he had to bring his hopes up when it couldn’t be any different from usual? He should know by now he wouldn’t get any recognition for his efforts. It was stupid to think otherwise.

Mimura put back his phone in his pocket and felt a piece of paper inside that he took, intrigued. Ah, right, the movie ticket. Stupid movie. So bland and so overdone, so many things that would have been easy to fix- but he didn’t have any right to talk about that as an amateur, did he? God he hated this. Why did some people get so much money to make their movies while he was stuck seeing his videos taken down for some petty authorization- it’s not like he did anything bad with it, it wasn’t a whole song nor a complete footage- why did others got away with making mediocre works and his had to be perfect and it still wasn’t enough, why wasn’t he enough, he hated this, he hated them all, he hated- 

No, he had to calm down. It wasn’t the moment. Later, in private. No, not later. Never. Getting over it. He would close his eyes, breath deeply and count to three, and then everything would be fine.

One, two, three.

When Mimura opened his eyes, a dark butterfly just entered his field of vision.

 He barely had the time to register it, to see it land on the ticket without being able to react- And then it was sudden clarity. Pure feeling. All parasite thoughts numbed down to barely a whisper.

“Static”, a foreign voice spoke into his mind- and the name felt so fitting, somehow, “I am Kochou. I can give you the power to get revenge over the unfair treatment your videos have been given. I only ask for one thing in return. -The ladybug and cat miraculous.” Mimura- no, Static- completed, a smile on his lips. 

Sentences popped into his mind, distant, the shadow of a thought process. ‘Bad idea’. ‘What will others think of you?’ But, already, those words dissolved into the resolute feeling that had taken him.

“I accept with pleasure, Kochou-sama.”

 --

Okajima looked at the entrance, his fingers tapping on the table as he waited. Not necessarily for Mimura’s return, but… something. A form of acknowledgement on how the situation was wrong. 

Okajima thought of himself as an honest man. If he liked something, he had no problem saying it, even knowing his opinion was unpopular. If he disliked something, he would complain about it with all the frustration and anger he felt- even when his classmates thought he was overreacting. He was just that kind of person. True manliness was to be totally shameless no matter the topic. That’s why dishonest situations like this one didn’t sit well with him.

“Say”, he addressed Sugaya who seemed absent-minded, “what do you think we should do? -Walk around in the mall? There’s a clothing shop I would like to see. -Not what should we do after eating,” Okajima corrected with annoyance, “about Mimura. He’s clearly not taking the video thing well, despite how he refuses to admit it. -Oh.” His classmate just replied with a small sound. “So I wasn’t just imagining things then. -Well, yeah, that was very obvious. I kinda want to force him to talk just for that, but he might just close up even more and we will go nowhere. Plus, you know. That might just add even more negative feelings to the pile.”

Sugaya stayed silent, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. His fingers idly played with his straw, twisting it as he seemed lost in thought.

“I don’t know what to do.” He finally admitted. “Neither do I,” Okajima replied, “but you know Mimura better than me. Plus, you’ve been akumatized already, so you should know how he feels. -That’s… I don’t think it can apply. I mean, I wanted to be left alone, but look at what that did for me. Do you really think Mimura could be akumatized over this? -Eh, dunno. Honestly I feel like bad luck is also at play, but it’s not like you can tell how important something is to someone, even if it seems silly. A man’s passion should never be ridiculed,” Okajima added on a serious tone. “…Wow, that would sound so cool if it wasn’t from you. -Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? -…If Mimura feel bad over this, then I want to help.” Sugaya totally ignored Okajima’s last comment. “But I never had this problem before? Like, with Chiba I trusted him to come to me if he felt like I could help him with something? -Dude, no offense but Chiba ended in class E with us and neither of us saw it coming. -Well, I did say something I could help him with, not sure what I could have done.” Sugaya sighed. “You’re not totally wrong though, I felt bad about it. -What about the other guys then? Didn’t you hang out with people of the art club sometimes? -Them? I… am not sure they counted as friends? Like, in the first place it always was way more casual, and it soured up quickly anyways. Because I’m ‘too much of a troublemaker’. -Oh, yeah, so they were this kind of guys, uh? I know what you mean. -…So, yeah, I don’t have much experience dealing with this. I want to help and I feel like there’s something I could do, but nobody is telling me what. It’s frustrating.”

Okajima wasn’t sure either what it was that they could do, but fortunately the noise of a door brutally closed and a scream stopped the conversation before he had to reply. 

“AKUMA ATTACK!!”

He turned his head toward the entry door, that an alarmed woman was closing, clearly terrified by what she saw outside.

“An akuma… Shit, Mimura’s still outside. -What, do you think he…?” Sugaya didn’t dare finish his sentence. “I don’t know if it’s him, but if it isn’t then he’s in first line to be attacked. -Crap, you’re right.”

People around them were starting to panic, some already diving under the tables, other running towards the kitchens, probably hoping to find a back door. Honestly, Okajima was tempted to follow them. He didn’t know what super villain would appear, but it certainly wasn’t going to be a fun experience.

…But, he already had made his decision.

“Let’s go,” he said to Sugaya, walking towards the entrance.

--

Hayami had to pull her nails into the palm of her hand to keep her face calm.

In front of her, on the other side of the small plastic table, Nakamura was currently playing with her nesoberi plushie’s pigtails. A Ladybug nesoberi. She wasn’t sure what was flustering her most, that her friend was so fond of her new acquisition, or the fact that it was sold at all. 

“It’s obvious,” Nakamura explained, ignorant of the girl’s inner turmoil, “if you have the blueprints and material to make nesoberi in a factory, then you’re not going to stop at fifteen. Probably, the collab with the arcade was to see how popular they would get. Man, I kinda want to see what kind of face the fans who spent so much on the game will pull learning they could just have waited a few months instead, it will probably be hilarious. -You don’t say”, Hayami replied, impassive.

How would Nakamura react if she knew Hayami was such a fan. She would probably be too busy harassing me over how I’m a Black Cat fan. The endless teasing… Thankfully she was good at keeping a cool appearance. 

At first, when the two of them had planned an afternoon at the mall together, she had thought it would just be a relaxing moment between friends. Some shopping, maybe a movie, trying out the new purikuma booth, checking out from afar that children live stage performance the mall was organizing- she vaguely remembered Chiba mentioning accompanying his sisters to see it sometimes, and it had intrigued her- just silly fun activities two teenage girls would do on their weekend. To be perfectly honest, Hayami would have tried to include some homework into that schedule, but Nakamura had loudly complained about it, and with Tikki insisting so much lately about all the work she did, she hadn’t pressed further.

 She would have never expected they would end up facing a shop window full of Ladybug and Black Cat themed goodies. It kind of baffled her sometimes, how popular was her other identity. She and her partner were just a pair of local heroes doing their job. Maybe it was the magic? Of course people would be all over something that proved the existence of the supernatural. She had seen some topics speculating on the subject on the Ladyblog, but she might have underestimated their importance. Usually people ask us more about our relationship… Well, revealing anything about the Miraculouses to the public would be a big no-no, even more than some hints about their true identities, so it made sense that interviews gave up on that.

Still, Black Cat goodies… She would have to come back there, maybe with a disguise. And to think they would end up selling that nesoberi plush… Would she have tried to win one if she knew the exclusivity would only last for a few months? Probably.

God, I really fell hard for him.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” Nakamura grinned with a face full of mischief. “Can you take a photo with my phone? I’m going to kiss my Ladybug and send it to Okajima. -Wh- I- Don’t do that!”    

Seeing her friend’s surprise, Hayami knew she made a mistake. It was uncommon for her to get excited over something, and she had tried to keep her composure the whole conversation. But, how could she stay cool over this. The idea of Nakamura kissing Ladybug- it’s not like she talked about some distant celebrity after all. And then thinking that Okajima could do the same… Now that was giving her chills. 

“My, my, seems like someone is jealous.” Nakamura playfully reacted by swinging her nesoberi in front of Hayami. “Do you want to steal a kiss? I’m willing to share~ -That’s not the problem.” Hayami replied as calmly as she could. “Oh, so perhaps you want to kiss m- -It’s unhygienic,” Hayami interrupted her, knowing very well how her friend would twist her words if she let her speak, “and you’re going to give him bad ideas. -Eh, I’m probably not the first. Heck, I bet someone among those who got the first fifteen have done it at some point.”

Hayami immediately thought about the Black Cat nesoberi in her room, and had to focus back on the conversation before having any weird ideas. She was too mature for that. She couldn’t- No, she should think of something else. Plenty of people might have kissed my effigy at some point. Yep, that sure calmed her. Oh, how she wished she never had this conversation. Popularity was terrifying sometimes.

“Akuma alert.” A voice resonated through the speakers of the mall, interrupting the girl’s inner troubles. “Our customers are invited to go walk to the nearest exit. No need to panic. We repeat- -Urg.” Nakamura’s face soured. “Goodbye, relaxing afternoon. Let’s go before we get caught up in the crowd. -I…” Hayami started to speak, while her mind was getting into a highly alert mode. She needed an excuse “We didn’t pay for our drinks, go ahead while I do it, I won’t take long. -What? Hayami, you can’t be seri- -It’s important! No need to argue, we’re only losing time. Trust me, I will leave right after. -Geez, why do you have to be serious like that… Alright, but only if you go along with me the next time I get a fun idea. -Accepted.” Hayami was certain she would regret it. “See you in a few minutes.”

She didn’t wait for an answer and went right into the shop, straight to the bathroom, while getting pushed on the way by intrigued people trying to leave. Thankfully the stall was empty; she opened her bag, from which flew a very familiar red creature. 

“It’s too bad,” Tikki lamented, “you finally had a day to relax… -No need to feel bad about it. Tikki, spots on.”

The familiar surge of power filled her body as her clothes changed for her more practical hero suit. Time to get into Ladybug mode. It wasn’t complicated, honestly. The focus, her shifting perception, the strength that filled her muscles, everything contributed to her feeling like an entirely different person. Maybe the glamour supposed to make her unrecognisable played a part too.

Still, I need to play it safe. She counted the seconds in her head, and when she felt she had waited long enough, left the shop’s bathroom. Nobody was there anymore. Good. She didn’t have time to think of excuses for anyone who might have seen the young girl enter- she had an akuma to deal with.

--

Ladybug walked around the mall, ready to react to any upcoming attack and directing any civilian she saw toward the exit, when she finally spotted an unnatural thing. In front of her stood a giant foggy pile of inconsistent color, minuscule spots of black, white and grey all mixed together; it kinda reminded her of TV static, in a way. The pile, if that was the right word for an accumulation without a specific form, didn’t seem to have any weight to it, as if it was superposed to the air rather than a solid mass, but she knew better than to touch it to verify. Who knew what it did.

She saw a black silhouette move from the corner of her vision, and, sure enough, when she turned her head her partner jumped to her side. 

“Good afternoon to you,” Black Cat greeted her, then immediately switched to the main topic. “Any information on our villain of the day? -No, I just arrived.” Ladybug informed him, hesitating to say anything more, then decided she was silly for doubting her every word. “I’m glad you could come. I was wondering if you would be able to show up before the fight. -Yeah, I wasn’t sure I would be on time either,” admitted her partner. “I was nearby, but surrounded by… well, it’s not important.”

Ladybug looked at him, but said nothing. Civilians, friends, family… Many ways to end the sentence, and none that mattered. They couldn’t talk about their true identity.

“What do we do with this?” She pointed toward the foggy obstacle with a move from her head. “Good question.”

Black Cat looked around, his eyes settling on a deserted chair from some shop on the side. Ladybug already understood what he was thinking about, and didn’t feel any surprise when he walked toward it only to throw it into the fog.

“Doesn’t seems solid, but I didn’t hear anything hit the floor. -Try to see with another chair what happens if you only put one partially? -That was the next step of my experience, yes.” Black Cat smiled at her.

Despite the situation, Ladybug couldn’t help but feel her heart warm up at the boy’s soft face. They might be in potential danger at any point, but at least she got him by her side, and he seemed to appreciate them thinking alike as much as she did. Well, maybe not as much, but at least a little? It sure made things easier for both of them.

“Hmm, it doesn’t seem to melt.” The second chair, that Black Cat put partially in the fog, still was intact when they pulled it away. “I guess it’s like smoke? Let me try putting my hand in it.” He looked at Ladybug for approval. “…It might not be safe. -All the more reason that I do it rather than you. Plus, you can always heal me afterward. -…That’s not wrong, but…” She would rather not see him get hurt, of course. Surely he could understand that? “Don’t worry, it’s just a test.” He put his left hand in the fog- it would only be silly to risk his ring hand, after all- and took it out. “See? Nothing happened. Actually, I didn’t even feel any pressure or change. It might be safe to walk in. -Even if it’s some kind of gas, it might be toxic.” Hopefully no civilian was caught in the middle of it. “Hmm.” The boy nodded, his green eyes still on the fog. “Only one way to know.”

Black Cat took a step forward, and soon his head disappeared in the smoky thing. Ladybug was uneasy about this- her partner always was the one who took risks in those situations. It was logical, of course, she was the one with the power to fix everything, and so had to be the last standing at the end, but… she didn’t have to like it. What did the boy think about it? Was he secretly resenting her for this? This didn’t seem in his personality, yet it was still a possibility.

I wonder how the previous Ladybugs felt about it.

Multiple times her and Tikki had spoken about the precedent heroes. Their powers, their strategies, their allies; most notably, how they still found time to relax and have fun. But as for their feelings… It was a subject Hayami didn’t want to bring up. Even if they were different people, it would break her heart to hear they didn’t get along with their partner. What if it was the case, and Black Cat heard about it from his own kwami? Would he assume she was the same? Even though I love him. No, it wasn’t even that. She cared about him. More than her crush, he was the partner she had come to rely on. Anyone could feel attracted to him, but their bond was special, important, in a way that would be hard to explain. If he told her he loved her, but couldn’t trust her… that would be just as terrible as the opposite.

The boy eventually got his head out of the fog, his face expecting something. 

“…So?” Ladybug asked, unsure what he was waiting for. “…Didn’t you hear me? -No? Did you say something? -Yes? That’s weird. I can breathe inside just fine, but I can’t see anything. Or hear, now that I think about it. And I guess you couldn’t hear me either? Wait, let me check again.”

Once again the hero’s head disappeared in the fog. Did that thing block all light and sound? That would be inconvenient. What if the akumatized was waiting for them insi-

“Ladybug, behind you!!!” 

It was only thanks to her quick reflexes she was able to react immediately. Her full body rotated, her hand in a fist ready to hit, but the person quickly jumped out of the way, a jump too big for a normal civilian. An akumatized. The villain made no sound when his feet hit the floor, which was, as Ladybug suddenly noticed, covered in the same foggy substance as the one behind her. So that’s how they were able to approach without me noticing, this removed the sound of their steps.

She looked around quickly on what was the source of the voice that alerted her. A very familiar voice… Barely hidden behind a pillar, she apperceived Fuwa and sighed internally. The girl had said she wanted to start investigating for the Ladyblog, and nothing Hayami had said had been able to convince her it was a bad idea.

She gently tapped Black Cat’s arm to alert him of the change in situation, as he probably hadn’t been able to hear anything, but her eyes were fixated on the villain, who didn’t move from his spot. Which was for the best, as they were closer to Fuwa if they had wanted to take her hostage.

The most noticeable thing in the akumatized’s appearance, the one that immediately popped out, was the giant color bars on the chest area of the suit. Like a malfunctioning TV, Ladybug thought despite never having seen the phenomena -it was a thing of movies, on older televisions. The rest of the costume, on the opposite, was all monochrome, mostly grey with little square spots of black and white, white the extremities of the limbs were all black.

When she finally looked at their- at his face, Ladybug finally recognized who was her adversary. No way she couldn’t- they might not talk on a regular basis, but Mimura was a classmate, and he sat next to Nakamura in class, so the both of them sometimes spoke while she was around.                         

“Another class E student,” Black Cat commented next to her. So he recognised him? Uh. He must have a good memory. “Right, it’s as if alienating and bullying a specific group made them more likely to have negative emotions.” Ladybug deadpanned as an answer. “…Seems like you feel a lot about this, uh?” Her partner replied in a sympathetic tone. “I just don’t like their school’s system.”

She couldn’t allow herself to say more. She couldn’t make it personal. Even just mentioning she was part of that school, no matter the class, would be too revealing. So Ladybug bit her lips and did what she had always done when she felt helpless about a situation: focus on the work she could do instead.

“Show’s over, you guys.” Mimura spoke to them in a harsh tone. “Hand over your Miraculous. -…Why do akumatized even ask this? Of course we won’t give them to you. -Maybe they expect us to make a special offer if they insist enough.” Black Cat joked. “’Congratulations, you’re the 100th akumatized, here’s a special prize for you!’”

Ladybug would have rolled her eyes for joking in this situation if this was anyone else, but she couldn’t help have a little smile instead. It was part of her partner’s charm to make silly jokes and puns in a serious moment. Their current adversary didn’t seem to appreciate it, though; he seemed ready to attack, whatever that would mean for him. Did he have another power besides that weird static-like fog? It was hard sometimes to tell with akumatized what skill sets did they have.

“I know where the akuma’s hidden in!” Fuwa shouted, momentarily distracting Ladybug. “It’s in his l-“

Before she finished her sentence, Mimura jumped on the heroes, filling the space between them with the static-like substance from earlier.

Then, only darkness and silence.

[foreverbeingthunderbuddy]

Two Spies, Two Missions [Part 1]

[Bucky Barnes Spy AU]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Warnings: mentions of violence, sexual tension

Summary: An AU in which Bucky and the reader are both spies, Bond-style, but fight for different sides and meet at a gala for the very first time. They both have the same target but accepted very different missions. So naturally, everything goes wrong for both of them.

A/N: this is my entry for @itsbuckysworld’s 1k AU Writing Challenge, I picked prompt #24 from this list. Prompt is in bold. Congrats on 1k! Word count around 4,4k.

Masterlist | Part 2

Let’s not waste any time on unimportant background information. You’re in a rush anyway.

As a spy there’s only so much time you can spend on trivialities and starting out in the business, one learns pretty quickly how to shift their focus to what counts. Meaning the things that get you into the situation you need to be in or, and that’s even more important, the things that get you out of it.

A captured, imprisoned spy is worthless – not to forget dangerous – and is let loose by their employer immediately, the mission gets denied and has officially never even existed. The spy will be on their own.

You don’t want that. No one wants that. If a spy gets captured by enemies, torture is something that’s very, very likely to happen. Why? They want to see if they can get information out of you. Of course you got trained for those kind of situations but who knows how you would react, should that ever happen to you.

A good spy doesn’t spill, a spy with self-preservation does.

The former is a loss to the secret intelligence agency the spy is employed at, the latter is an even greater loss and a big threat to the secret intelligence agency the spy is employed at. Enemies with secret information they aren’t supposed to know are not to be underestimated.

So it’s clear, focus is everything and a reliable gut feeling doesn’t hurt either. But enough of that.

You tilt your head back and look up at the brightly-lit building in front of you. Tonight’s mission: eliminate Susan Ford.

She’s been in your employers’ business way too long now and news reached you she stepped in contact with your agency’s rival organisation, Rogers Investigations. They are like the New Yorkian answer to MI6 which puts them pretty high on the world list, except your people are better.

Of course they don’t agree with you on that. The government – who funds you and your employers by the way – neither agrees nor disagrees, and if you’re honest that’s what makes you cautious towards Rogers Investigations. If the government can’t make a clear statement about RI, there must be more to them than just an independently funded secret intelligence agency.

You still think your people are better than them though.

There were two possibilities how you could get this done. Get a fake invitation and faint being a guest. Or dress up as a waitress and pretend you’re staff. Seeing as the first one comes with a short, shiny dress and high-heels (not good for spy stuff), you decided on the second option. Black dress, white apron on the hip and flat, black vans. Perfect to be invisible.

You show the bouncer your fake ID and pass him with a smile, entering a small foyer, a door on the other side of the room leads to the backside of the kitchen. Aside from a couple of rushed-looking staff members, it’s relatively empty. You’re late.

Without hesitation, you enter the kitchen and walk to the front where you suspect the waiters to be. You don’t get disappointed. As subtle as possible you join a nervous group of chatting men and women, all wearing black; the women in dresses, the men in suit shirts and pants. Some of them give you curious looks when you approach but they lose interest just as fast. Good.

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please?” A woman suddenly booms from a couple of steps away. Every conversation immediately stops and heads swing around. She must be in her mid-forties, has her long red hair in a low ponytail and wears a blue satin dress that goes to mid-calves. Your eyes cut to her shiny, silver high-heels before wandering back up to her stressed face.

“Calvin already gave you a run down about this part of the evening, I suppose, so I expect you know what to do.” Ummm. “The first group is already serving drinks. Everyone go to your positions and start doing your job, please, before this goes downhill. Calvin told me you know about the important people of tonight, high-society, high-maintenance. If one of them ever happens to be without a drink in their hand, someone is gonna get fired, I want to make that clear beforehand. Any questions?”

Of course no one dares to ask a question after that mini-speech and even if someone wanted to, the woman doesn’t wait for anyone to raise their hand and turns on her heels.

“Go now! It’s showtime.”

With that she disappears behind a door that likely leads to the ballroom. Your “colleagues” don’t waste any time and jump to the counter on the left and you follow them. Another kitchen staff member hands out trays with champagne flutes on them and without even looking at you, he shoves one into your face.

“Go, go, go!” He barks and looks like he’s about to pass out. You have a snappy comment on the tip of your tongue but you hold it back and turn to the door. This is just a mission, not a real job, Y/N, relax.

The ballroom is one of the most glamourous locations you have ever seen. Glitter, gold, lights, marble, silver everywhere. It’s almost too much to take in. There’s a huge chandelier hanging from the ceiling, looking more expensive than you are probably worth and there is a modern waterfall on the wall on the other side of the room. You can even see a little fountain, a marble figure in the middle dominates this extravagant scene and is framed by exotic looking plants.

The room is packed with fancy people.

There are colourful gowns and robes and mini dresses wherever you look, shiny high-heels, lush jewellery and lavish hairstyles. You can hear jazz music coming from a small orchestra on the right. This is crazy.

You snap out of your mini-trance and start to move through the room. Time to find Susan Ford.

Not to blow your cover, you offer champagne to guests here and there but you hold out your eyes to scan the room the whole time. There are so many people here, how in the hell are you going to find Susan?

You know how she looks, you’ve seen pictures. Dark skin, brown eyes, blonde-dyed hair Ombré-style. You don’t know her attire but you figured she is someone who wouldn’t go unnoticed. As you look around you, you quickly realize that mindset was a mistake.

Your tray is empty now and for every normal waitress it’d be time to go back and get new glasses but you don’t bother doing that and continue to stroll through the room. She has to be somewhere, doesn’t she?

“Y/N?” You can’t help but jump a little at the sudden voice in your ear.

It’s Tom, your coordinator, who is sitting in the control room and is assigned to several missions that are going down tonight. If this was a bigger thing, you would be in contact with someone from the agency every second but in comparison it’s a rather small mission, so Tom only checks in on you occasionally. There’s also the option to contact him but you don’t know how he could help you right now.

“Yes?” You answer quietly and dodge a young couple that makes their way over to the enormous bar.

“Everything alright?”

“Yup. I’m in the ballroom, everyone thinks I’m a waitress. I haven’t found my target yet though.”

That revelation is followed by a short silence and you turn your head and let your eyes wander over the crowd.

“Susan Ford?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, wait a second.”

You can’t hear what he is doing but you guess he’s tipping something into his computer. After a couple of seconds he seems to have found something.

“There aren’t any pictures online yet but Glitz Images already have some in their private archive. They should go online in a couple of hours.” You don’t ask how he managed to hack Glitz Images that fast and you also don’t care. “I found her pictures. Yellow dress, hair in a high bun, oh – and it looks like she changed her hair colour. She’s parts in blue now.”

That’s why you didn’t find her! She changed her look. Damn it, you thought the pictures were recent.

“Must have done that late yesterday or today, our pictures are from yesterday morning” Tom adds and you can practically hear him lean back.

“Thanks, Tom. You saved me. I thought I had to spend the entire night at this thing” You say and start moving again, now looking for a yellow dress and blue hair. Shouldn’t be that hard.

“Oh, poor thing. Must be hard to drink champagne and walk on literal gold, I feel you. Sara is in Atlanta, clearing out a small drug cartel. She could use some champagne right now.”

Irgh. Atlanta’s drug cartels are disgusting. Poor Sara.

“I’m not drinking champagne, I’m serving it. I’m not part of the fun here, Tom, you should see these people. I’m a peasant to them” You say but can’t stop the smile on your face, “Tell Sara I’m thinking of her.”

You can hear Tom’s laugh through the earpiece.

“You shouldn’t make fun of her, Y/N, I don’t think we need a repeat of Thurs-“

“Tom, I found her! Sorry, I gotta go!” You burst out as a huge yellow dress catches your eyes, accompanied by dark blue hair in a bun. There she is, Susan Ford. Finally.

“Okay, then. Good luck!”

“Thanks.” You don’t hear him disconnect but you know he’s gone.

Your target stands approximately 50 feet away from you and is surrounded by five people. Two women and three men. They seem to have a lively conversation which is perfect. The more distraction, the better. She also doesn’t have a glass in her hand. You memorize their location and quickly walk back to the kitchen.

There are several ways to do this. Shoot her in the bathrooms, shoot her in the hallway (when no one else is there), shoot her in the car when she leaves or poison her. You want to get this done as fast as possible, so you decide on trying to poison her first. Good thing you’re the waitress with complete access to her drinks.

You enter the kitchen, walk to the counter and pick a new tray with full champagne flutes. The guy who previously handed them out to you is gone, probably busy cooking and fighting against a mental breakdown – judging from how he looked.

You need to be fast, right now you’re the only waitress here. You pull out a tiny phial filled with a clear liquid and open it. It’s created to completely mingle with the additional substance to not raise any attention on different colours or consistence. You empty the phial in one of the glasses and put it back.

No second later the door opens and two waiters walk in, chatting, and grab two trays. You smile at them like you just didn’t put poison into the champagne and leave the kitchen with your murder weapon.

Approaching Susan Ford and friends, you take a deep breath and pull out your friendliest smile. Now is the moment that counts. She’s been messing with your people, deliberately, so she must know that she is being watched to a certain degree. Maybe she even suspects an attack like this or maybe she underestimates you in that regard.

Nevertheless, if Susan gets any suspicions that you aren’t that friendly or well-intentioned, she might not bite. And then you will have to shoot her and her bodyguards that she likely brought here. You’re only a couple of feet away when you take in her company.

The two women are dressed to the nines, glittery, short dresses with lots of cleavage, dangerous looking high-heels, heavy jewellery and make-up that passes a normal Smokey Eye. They look ready to walk red carpets and they fit in with the decorations of the ballroom perfectly.

The three men all look dapper in their suits. Two of them have blonde hair, one short, one a little longer, and the third one has black hair, even though he might as well be a dark brunette. He catches your eyes the second you get a better look at his appearance.

He has piercing blue eyes, a clean-shaved face, his hair is pulled back in quite a Casanova way and the top buttons of his white suit shirt are undone. If you weren’t such a badass agent, you’d be weak in the knees right now. Suddenly, his eyes meet yours.

You quickly look away and focus on your target who you can see in a side profile and who is engaged in an animated conversation with one of the blonde guys. You calm your nerves and step to the group.

“Good evening” You say in your best I’m-completely-innocent voice and shoot Susan a bright smile, all eyes cut to you, “Ma’am, I noticed you didn’t have a glass in your hand and I have strict orders not to let that happen. If I may.”

You pick a “random” glass and hand it to her which she attempts to accept smiling happily but all of a sudden a hand from the left shoots out and takes the glass from you. Sexy dark-haired guy holds the champagne in his hand and inspects you from head to toe. His eyes look alert.

“Excuse me, sir?” You say, trying to stay friendly and professional. Which is hard.

“I’m sorry, Miss Ford underlies strict safety precautions. I will take this one. She can have another one” He says, his voice deep and alluring. Shit. He must be her bodyguard. He must know something. Shit shit.

You keep a slight smile on your face – professional waitress who doesn’t know anything about secret intelligence agencies – and turn to Miss Ford. She doesn’t look surprised, she looks expectant.

“Okay, no problem. Here’s another one for you, Miss” You purr and hand her a second glass. She takes it from you, says a quick Thank You and turns back to her conversational partner.

Keep your cool, Y/N, don’t let it show!

You throw a quick glance around the group. The dark-haired guy watches you closely and you would lie if you said it doesn’t make you nervous.

“Can I offer some champagne to anyone else here? Miss?” You ask for good measure. Miss Dangerously Pointed High-Heel simply shakes her head and proceeds to ignore you. Okay, then, bitch. Time to go.

Without sparing Sexy Bodyguard another look, you turn around and walk to a different group, offering them a drink. You can feel his eyes burn into your back. He knows something. He wouldn’t have taken that one glass from you and let her have a different one if he didn’t know something was up. You endeavoured to make the glass picking look as random as possible but apparently he didn’t buy it.

Which means you’re a potential threat to him now. Which also means, poisoning Susan Ford isn’t an option anymore and shooting her is the only way. Shit.

You empty your tray quickly and walk back to the kitchen. You need a second in private to contact Tom and inform him about the newest status of your mission but you can’t do it in the ballroom because Sexy Bodyguard is likely watching you from now on and you don’t know where his men are. If one of them sees you talk to air, they’ll know you’re undercover.

You put down the tray on the counter and look around you. Nobody even notices your presence. Excellent.

Without making a sound, you walk out a backdoor leading into a hallway. You reach a corner, go around it and stand against the wall. You peak down the hallway you came from before leaning back and pushing a button on your earpiece.

“Tom?”

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“My target has a bodyguard. I prepared a poisoned drink for her but her bodyguard intervened and made me give her a different one. He knows something, Tom. I don’t know if my cover is blown but I definitely have company now” You quickly explain, eager to keep your voice down in case someone passes by.

Short silence, then “Shit.”

“I just wanted to tell you that, should something happen, she was with three guys, two blondes – short and longer hair – and a brunette – longer, chin-length hair, I can’t say for certain though ‘cause he pulled it back. They all have blue eyes. I have never seen them before.”

“Did one of them have a metal arm?”

“What?”

“Did one of them have a metal arm? Did the dark-haired one have a metal arm, Y/N?”

What kind of question is that??

“I, um … I don’t know, I didn’t see it. I only saw a flesh hand. Why?”

“Susan Ford stepped in contact with Rogers Investigations. You know that. It’s very likely she suspects an attack like this and hired bodyguards from them. Those being secret agents. No normal bodyguard would have caught on to you that quickly, so I’m guessing they’re Rogers’ men. One of them is known to have a metal arm. Understand?”

“Oh. Oh wow, okay” You mumble. You should have known that. You didn’t. How embarrassing.

“Where ar… now?” There are sudden noises coming through the earpiece, like the connection is breaking off. You put a hand to your ear.

“What? What did you say?”

“…ere are … need to know … now.”

Shit. This is not happening right now. Why tonight?

“Tom, the connection is breaking off, I can’t understand you. Maybe I shou-“ You start but get interrupted by a hand grabbing your wrist and twisting it behind your back and another one shoving you into the wall, face first. You feel the person press their body against yours to prevent all options of escape and you’re completely captured.

You try to break free but whoever is holding you, is stronger. He doesn’t even move an inch.

“You and I have a problem.”

You recognize the low voice in your ear immediately. It’s dark-haired Sexy Bodyguard. Goddammit.

“Sexual harassment is indeed a problem” You return and pray to all the gods out there that Tom will come back to you.

“That’s not what I’m talking about, darling. I’m talking about this spy thing.”

“What spy thing?”

You can’t see his face but you can feel him tighten his grip on your wrist.

“Don’t play dumb, I just heard you talk to your coordinator. You tried to poison my client” He growls, his breath on your ear gives you goosebumps. Stupid body, get yourself together!

“I know our champagne is not the best out there but I wouldn’t call it poison either, sir, maybe you’re being a little dramatic-“

“Agent Y/L/N, I know who you work for and I know you got assigned to Miss Ford. Please save us some time and tell me why you tried to kill her. I don’t have the patience for this.”

“Your short temper is not my problem” You clip back because you can’t help yourself and wait for his reaction. He hesitates for a second, probably going through his options that don’t include you being dead and then you feel his thumb on your wrist lightly brushing over your skin. You freeze. Not the decision you expected from him.

“I know you tried to kill her because she’s been all in your employers’ business the past months but I was actually giving you an opportunity to lie your way out of this. Miss Ford came to us for help and I think you understand I can’t just let you go after your little murder attempt” He explains, his face seemingly coming even closer, you can feel it.

It makes you hella nervous. You’re a trained, experienced secret agent but one good-looking guy holds you against a wall and you’re nervous. Perfect.

You decide to remain silent. The finger on your wrist still caresses your skin. Extraordinary interrogation technique.

“You’re probably wondering why your friend’s connection broke off. Radio-interfacing. Good to corner someone.”

So it was him. Isn’t that just great. You still don’t say anything.

“You know I have to bring you to my headquarters if you don’t talk” He says, using his alluring voice on you. You know it’s a lie. He won’t take you to his headquarters if you don’t talk, he will take you there anyway.

You wait. One second, two seconds, five seconds, ten…

You hear a sigh. “Okay then.” And then you hear the unmistakable noise of handcuffs. That’s when you start to shove against him, try to free your wrist, pull away, anything. He holds you in place effortlessly and presses the hand with the handcuffs between your shoulder blades.

“Wanna talk now?”

“Never.”

Another clink of the cuffs, a sudden cool feeling of metal on the free skin of your arm.

“Do I get a wish before you bring me away?” You ask, sounding much cockier than you feel. In fact, your insides are turning upside down, your heart is beating in your throat and your breath is going flat. You’ve never been captured by another organisation because you’ve never been this stupid. Also, maybe it should be mentioned … you haven’t been a spy for that long and it … just never happened.

The agent hesitates, the cuffs rest against your skin.

“You get three wishes darling, use them well.”

Whoa! Does he mean it? Does he really?? Three wishes?

“Let me go” You say, well knowing he won’t do it but why not try. You hear him snort and feel his thumb start brushing your skin again. He really needs to stop doing that or you’ll get yourself into bigger trouble than you need it.

“Nope. That was number one.”

Shit.

Second try. “Tell me your name.”

You expect him to deny that one as well but despite his previous behaviour, he doesn’t miss a beat. “Agent James Buchanan Barnes. Employed at Rogers Investigations, Field agent. Obviously.”

Obviously. The amount of information he is willing to share surprises you and his name … his name rings a bell. Barnes. You have heard that before. You think one of your bosses has mentioned him in a meeting, mostly when discussing Rogers Investigations, figures. You ignore the fact that the side of your face is flat against the wall and think of a third wish.

“I told you this because I just want you to know who exactly has you pressed to his body in an empty hallway and also what the name of your new target is that you will come after as soon as I let you go.”

Did he just say what you think he just said? He will let you go? But didn’t he say he wouldn’t let you go? Maybe he is playing games with you. Will he really let you go??

“Will you let me go?” You ask, sounding very hopeful and not as badass as you wish you would. His face comes closer again, the hand from your upper back disappears and your hair gets softly brushed from your shoulder and tugged behind your ear. Breathe, Y/N!

“Is that wish number three?” He asks lowly and you think you can make out the blue of his eyes out of the corner of your eye.

“Yes.”

For a couple of seconds none of you moves. You can feel his chest rise and sink as he fights an internal battle and finally comes to a decision. You hear a noise and know the handcuffs disappeared.

“Under two conditions” He says and grabs both of your upper arms, so you won’t move but honestly? At this point he doesn’t even have to hold you tight, you’re way too cautious to move anyway.

“Okay?”

“I want you to quit this mission and forget that Susan Ford ever existed. Your bosses will probably assign someone else but you don’t have anything to do with this anymore. I’d rather fight your colleagues than you.”

What does one say to that? If one is in a situation like this, one says Okay.

“Okay” You breathe out and wait for the other condition.

“And I want you to be the one to come after me when your bosses seek retribution for this failed mission and they think they need to send someone to intimidate me” He says and now both of his thumbs caress your upper arms, one of which feels colder than the other and harder. Like metal. It makes you nervous and a little dizzy and you don’t know how to effectively clap back at his cocky demands.

“It’s not in my power” You mumble.

“Well, then try to come up with a plan, darling. I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

Hmpf. You’re not going to do that but he doesn’t need to know. All you want is to get out of here. So you nod.

“Okay.”

Instead of letting you go, he waits. You don’t know why. And then you hear what sounds like a low chuckle.

“You know I can tell when someone is lying.”

You freeze. Before you can return something, he squeezes your arms.

“Don’t move.”

You hold still. Both of his hands disappear and you feel him step back. Your heart starts beating faster at the opportunity of escape.

“Don’t move” He orders again. You obey. He seems to rummage around in the pockets of his suit and then, “Darling, this is going to be so much fun.”

And then he is gone.

The second you realize he’s not behind you anymore, you twirl around and look around the corner. Empty. Holy fucking shit.

“Y/N? Y/N?? Please answer me! Oh god, I hope you’re not dead! Oh shit!!”

“Tom?”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD, Y/N, ARE YOU ALIVE??”

“Tom, I’m okay! Calm down, I’m okay! I just … I had a little … I, um.” You look around the corner again, “I’m fine.”

****

Forever Tags: @izzy-the-teawitch @wowpeterparker @brightcolorsoffendme @strangequakson @rosegoldquintis @thirdwheelchurchill  @hazel-eyed-bi @goldenkillmonger @yourwonderbelle @hawaiiantozier @irondadandspidersoncute @thirtiethnovember @fancyfangirl-style @appalo0 @lionheo04

[wowza48]

Batfam Content War: Halloween week edition: Fifth Prompt Haunting/Spooky/(Jack Fenton voice)GHOST!!

When there’s something something... insert parody of ghostbusters theme here... who you gonna call? GHOST DAMI! *budadadadat* Yeah okay another S/I Dami story, but with a twist~. Two takes, one male, who will appear again in tomorrow’s death prompt (which will be a prequel to his part in this one), and one female, who already appeared the the celebration prompt day 2. Unimportant, but they reincarnated from the same person, but were raised/treated/acted differently, hence similar ideas here or there, but somewhat different personalities/outlooks.

Further information- Those who already read that prompt know fem!s/i!Dami has psychic powers, the male!s/i!Dami does not. He did, however get a healing factor- I’m not saying how, it will be revealed in tomorrow’s story. Both timelines mix multiple continuities, so Steph (as Spoiler) and Cass (as Black Bat) are both... somewhere. Not near the building. Fighting... ninjas. Yes. That’s why they aren’t there to stop Damian from dying. Because ninjas.

Also, to answer the question of- since the other two Batgirl’s are no longer Batgirls, does this mean Barbra Gordon is Batgirl or Oracle. The answer is- Yes. As in- she’s both Oracle AND Batgirl, although she created an Oracle AI to assist her when she went back to being Batgirl, but she NEVER stopped being Oracle either because she’s awesome like that. She’s also no where near the building because of ninjas. I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but there are a LOT of ninjas. Like, way too many for it to show realistic statistics.

Lastly, if someone wants to write from another character’s point of view for either of these, as long as you link it to this story, either the tumblr link or Fanfiction one once I submit it there, and then tell me about it so I can read it, you have my permission. To be fair, if I even make one or both of these into full multi chapter stories I’d probably include my own take on other peoples reactions, plus the lectures/yelling at Ghost!Dami for being a dummy head, but I wouldn’t mind seeing someone else’s belief on what would go through the minds of the characters.

Anyway, information done, now get ready for.... GHOST DAMI!

-------

“So... I’m a ghost now... does this mean I still have to go to school even though I’m dead?” I ask, raising an eyebrow as my botched up, age accelerated clone with a by FAR inferior healing factor tries to stab my ethereal form. I make a motion of brushing dust off my black and grey outfit- nope, not out as Robin. Nor Redbird- though I have been both of those too. This outfit’s called Mocking Bird “And could you quit that? You already toyed with my physical body, longer than you thought due to my gaining a healing factor, there’s no need to attack my ghost on top of that- I’m actually somewhat impressed you managed to kill me despite my healing factor, by the way, I mean I was in too much pain to be impressed at the time, but now I’m without that pain it’s actually quite a feat if I do say so myself.”

I turn towards Bru-Da-Fath-Batman, no even thinking that they are the same person when in public, being dead shouldn’t change that rule, who is staring at me strangely. “You still haven’t answered my previous question. Do you think the school would still require my attendance despite my no longer being alive, and do you think Father would let me?” I ask, pretending I’m merely talking to a vigilante under Father’s payroll and not Father himself.

Forgot to mention- I kinda hooked up a bunch of cameras and microphones weeks beforehand, and then today I hacked mother’s broadcast and connected the audio and video of my fight with Heretic -and I didn’t turn on the stream until I was about to start that fight, in order to keep my siblings’ and father’s identities secret at least-, plus streamed it online, linking the stream to multiple major news outlets prior to arriving at my place of death. It appears to still be running, since it’s being show on the screen is shared with mother, actually. I... did remember to have the stream linked to Gordon and the Batcave so they could shut it off when necessary? Ah, they should know about it by now, plus Richard and Tim aren’t dumb enough to miss their being filmed live so as to not mess up their secret ID’s, even though I did that to myself. To be fair, though, I thought I’d be at least badly injured, if not killed- which did happen- but I didn’t count on becoming a ghost. Speaking of-

Heretic is still swinging his sword through me. “I’m a ghost. That’s not going to work. Stop doing that.” Batman seems to regained enough sense that he knocks the sword from his distracted opponent, who- is still trying to hit me even though I’m lacking a corporal body now. Well, at least Batman is under control of himself. Ah, Richar- I mean Nightwing is waking up. I’ll go bother him next, while also pointing out we’re being filmed.

It took me a week to get an answer to my question though- the answer was yes, as I was a ghost, I still did have to go to school despite being dead. Just like when Luthor stole those 40 cakes- it was just terrible.

Oh, and Colin, Jon, Maya and Suren all ganged up to yell at me. So did Maps and her little club... and Supergirl... and Huntress... Okay, basically everyone I knew yelled at me for getting myself killed. But hey, I’m a ghost. And that’s pretty cool- and Grandfather’s trying to kidnap my corpse, DANG IT!

-------

(Meanwhile, in the timeline where the celebrations prompt took place)

So first thing I noticed when the pain stopped was that I can still read minds. Second thing I noticed was that- nope, being able to read minds does not mean I’m still alive, in fact I’m deader than zombie- which is pretty dead. So... if I’m dead, how am I- ooooh, I’m a ghoooost, silly me. I psychically shut off the cameras I had previously set up, and the screen went back to showing just mother. And now that I wasn’t distracted by arrows sticking out of me-

**FWOOOSH** “STRIKE! Into the wall with you, Heretic! Don’t you know it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird?” I grin cheekily, pointing him as my grey cloak goes SWOOSH as it flaps behind me- even though there’s no reason for it to as the wind shouldn’t be affecting me as I’m a ghost.

“*Ahem*” I freeze at that. Forgot Batman showed up shortly after I died. Keeping in mind that there were, in fact, people not in the know within seeing and possibly hearing distance, even if they aren’t exactly conscious right now- actually one of them is, but whatever- I remind myself that Batman is OBVIOUSLY not my father, and just an offshoot of multiple personality that takes over father’s body from time to time, and as such a completely different person.

“Hiya Batman. Kinda.... ruined my secret identity right before I died, ah well. Never good at keeping that thing anyway. Well, either of those things.” I pause and strike a thinker pose- you know, those ones where you tilt your head slightly one way, and poke your chin with your index finger, pouting slightly? That one. “You know, I wonder how Ivy and Harley will react to this. they didn’t exactly like mother anyway, especially after I told them about how I grew up. Plus Croc liked my cheesecake. I actually made one to give to him later this week- not possible now, I guess...” He is sorta batglaring at me, sorta not. Probably because Father’s upset that “Daddy’s little girl” is dead, but also annoyed that I put myself in so much danger, and the fact that my being a ghost means he can lecture me about it. Which I SO do not want to deal with. “... soooo, uh... I’m gonna just... head home if that’s okay with you?” And that’s when Richard started to wake up.

I did end up getting lectured, not just by Father in Batman Mode™, Alfred, my siblings, my psudo siblings (Maya, Steph and Colin), my friends who didn’t count as psudo siblings, my civilian teachers from my attending school in my civilian persona, my few mentors from when I was growing up that AREN’T dead, everyone I worked with or got taught by as Robin or Redbird or Mockingbird that do not fit into the above categories, even Grandfather when he showed up to steal my corpse- and an additional one when I decided to blow up said corpse with my still working psychic powers. Hell, BATCOW got into the lecturing too, taking advantage of the fact my powers allow me to understand other languages, even animal ones- do NOT CALL ME A DISNEY PRINCESS I WILL FITE!- so basically I got lectured by everyone I knew.

Oooo, did you know ghosts could change their outfits with their minds? I found that out, so now I can wear anything I want, even if it doesn’t actually exist in the living world. Meaning FREE COSPLAY, without the hassle of putting the stuff on, or letting Steph (and sometimes Cass) use me as a doll.

Another good thing about being a ghost? Can’t fall asleep, nor do I need to, meaning no nightmares- which is good because I got brutally murdered. If I was brought back to the physical plain, I’d totally have nightmares, and that would ruin my mood, by, a lot. Enough so that I could miss the Halloween Ball! I was looking forward to that... I convinced Jon to be my “date” for the night and everything... Ah well, no reason I can’t go as a ghost. I mean, it’s not like I’ll be brought back to life, thus leading to traumatizing nightmares that would prevent me from wanting to leave the house, possibly even my room, now my body’s been turned to mush, right? .... Right? Why are you looking at me like that, reader? Like you know something I don’t? Tell me! Please! Get back here and.... tell... me why....

... p...l....e...a...s...e....?

-------

nuuu Dami don’t cry! Nuuuuu I made her cry I’m a terrible person! TT^TT Especially since I wrote the celebrations one before this, but it takes place AFTER and she was so scared and confused and whyyyyyyyyy

[toomanyfeelings5]

2 5 & 13 for: ginny Weasley, cho Chang, hermione, gay nuns (never reblog these things while I'm online lol)

THANKS SAM I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Ahhh Ginny:

2. Their emotional/moral weak spots:

Ginny will hate you forever if you don’t support the Holyhead Harpies. You could be the best person but if you talk shit about the Harpies you’re dead to her. On a more serious note, she’s afraid of being vulnerable with people after the diary possession, and she hates losing control over her life, or feeling like she’s lost control over her life. On a moral note, she can sometimes do stuff for her own reputation and not because it’s necessarily the right thing to do.

5. Guilty Pleasures: 

She takes REALLY LONG BATHS, like she gets all pruney and doesn’t care, she loves it. Ginny also secretly watches the Great British Bakeoff but is ALSO obsessed with cooking shows in the USA. she gets very passionate about it all. which is hilarious, because she can’t cook for shit.

13. What Gets Them Flustered:

for harry/ginny: whenever harry says, “your hair is a sunset,” (he says this a lot) whenever harry kisses her in public (with tongue, because neither of them have any fucks to give), whenever harry says, “thank you for being my wife,” in a very conversational, matter-of-fact way, whenever harry helps ginny cut her hair short.

for ginny/luna: whenever luna kisses her hand, whenever luna braids her hair, whenever luna calls her, “darling,” whenever luna shows her some really cool magical creature specimen and smiles really wide and tells her, “it’s not as pretty as you, of course.” sometimes luna is telling a joke to people and winks at ginny, like they both know what’s funny, and ginny blushes every time. 

the thing to remember here is that ginny is a bisexual sap no matter what. 

Cho Chang!!!!

2. Cho can be too forgiving–she’s no pushover, but she avoids conflict like the plague with the people she’s close to, and would rather keep her friends instead of potentially making them angry at her. She hates being alone. She hates talking about difficult things. At her most afraid, she can choose what’s convenient over what’s right. She always knows when she does something wrong, but often does it anyway.  

5. CHO READS SO MANY TRASHY WIZARD ROMANCE NOVELS. SO MANY.  She loves and over-analyzes every single one of them. She also secretly loves playing against Harry or Cedric at Quidditch matches but DON’T TELL HER TEAMMATES THAT. 

13. ok so cho blushes all the time, it’s just a fact, but that being said, here’s what gets her flustered: whenever harry leaves terrible little poems for her on the fridge before work, whenever cedric gives her flowers he picked himself from their garden, whenever harry kisses her collarbone, whenever cedric puts his hand on her thigh in public and it’s (mostly) innocuous and casual but cho has read too many romance novels, whenever harry and cedric ask her about the book she’s reading. 

Hermioneeeeeeeee:

2. i feel like her emotional and moral weak spots are explored pretty well in the books, but i will add that hermione has a lot of internalized misogyny to get over, and also that she can be impatient and insensitive with others when wanting to achieve a goal. 

5. hermione and cho have a book club where they talk about the latest TRASHY ROMANCE NOVEL they’ve read. ginny is nominally a part of this club except she tends to skim the books and ends up with only like, 20% of the plot. it’s great. anyway, hermione also loves knitting even though she’s bad at it, and she is ALSO a huge secret fan of those reality tv paranormal detective shows. she points out when it’s a real ghost and when it’s a fake ghost and gets really into it. 

13. hermione gets flustered whenever she’s like, mid-rapid-fire-rant about nothing in particular and ron just gets this big goofy smile and says, “i’m so glad you married me,” and also whenever ron beats her at chess, which they play regularly, it’s like one of their date night things. also whenever her and ron are in a heated debate and ron bites his lip. let’s be real, they both like to solve (ultimately unimportant) arguments with making out. 

IT’S TIME FOR THE GAY NUNS:

Ana:

2. she has a lot of deep-seated insecurity and as a result tends to lash out at the slightest criticism. she can be cruel to preserve her reputation and her self-image. she doesn’t care about the rules, but she PRETENDS that she does with the right people–hypocritical. will back-stab and cheat and gossip and do almost anything to feel valued. wants attention all the time. can be willfully ignorant about her flaws/what’s right–stubborn. can be petty, selfish, melodramatic. loves pranking people, causing chaos, being purposely obnoxious (when it suits her). 

5. she secretly loves going to church, but not because she’s very religious or anything–it’s calming, and she can ignore her family under the guise of prayer, and she can vent to God. she’s like “animals are kind of gross who needs them as pets,” but she loves cats, and no, she’s not projecting, she’s just going to make sure that this random kitten found starving in the convent is going to be LOVED and APPRECIATED LIKE SHE DESERVES. 

13. where do i fucking start. you’d THINK that she’d be like, super smooth and coy and shit, and she is sometimes, because she’s a terrible flirt when she wants to be, but mostly whenever juliana like, smiles right at her, ana internally combusts. ana also gets flustered whenever juliana kisses her knuckles, or says, “god loves you, as i do,” or whenever juliana laughs at a joke ana tells. it’s like, literally any time whenever juliana is really gentle and soft towards her. they could be making out and it’s all good but then idk, juliana’s like “you have such nice eyes” and ana is like “im deceased” bless her. 

Juliana:

2. she can put her spiritual needs above everything else–ie, thinking, “i have god who needs anything else.” can get in her own head too much. she gets irritable and snide when she lets stuff pent up, which is often. proud, hates change, holds grudges. is incredibly strict with her morals because she’s super catholic, (and pedantic), BUT she can also put the institution of the church over god/what’s right. she acts rigid and cold and self-righteous, and she can be all of those things, but this masks her deeply-felt loneliness and exhaustion over not being understood. hates feeling out of control. 

5. juliana actually really loves dancing. she’s not that great at it, but she loves it. she also loves hearing all about conrad’s illegal pirate adventures, even though they’re technically sinful. she also secretly loves to sing. AND she secretly loves watching plays. and bad jokes. 

13. ok so juliana gets flustered whenever ana is super flirty with her, whenever ana kisses the back of her neck, whenever ana says, “you’re lovely,” whenever ana looks at her after juliana is done praying, whenever ana sends her that classic gay smirk when some rando visiting the convent is like, “it’s so great that you’re friends.” also omg here’s the thing. juliana gets Especially Flustered whenever anyone talks about shit about her, and ana gets really protective. juliana doesn’t need to be rescued 24/7 or anything like that, but she really loves it when ana is like “I’LL KNIFE YOU” if someone is like “juliana is uncool” or whatever and juliana gets v flustered. these gays are ridiculous. 

[theintuitivewildflower]

Twenty early signs of an awakening and how to embrace your journey!

💜🌻🙏When a wildflower blooms: a spiritual awakening experience🙏🌻💜

I’ve always felt like a wildflower. Different from the structured roses in gardens; they seemed too prim and proper, tamed from being tied up to trellises and told where and how to grow. Like Alice may have felt when she fell into wonderland with the talking flower gardens; they were whispering and gossipping about her strangeness and stated that she must be “a wildflower.” I always just did my best to fit in and it seemed to suffice for many years. However, I couldn’t help but notice that I thought differently; more deeply than my family and peers. I’ve been the unofficial counselor all my life; finding joy when I’m able to help others in some way.

I’ve always had strong intuition but in my younger years I didn’t always listen to it. I remember having deja-vu type dreams and being told it was a coincidence. I quit paying attention to it all and life happened; marriage,kids, college loss of loved ones and a divorce, for example. I went through the motions that everyone around me did, unfulfilled and with a knowing that I wasn’t pursuing my purpose. I had allowed others to plan my course and let ego steer. I wasn’t the peaceful let it go type during these years. I was unhappy, angry, resentful mainly with myself and this would overflow out to my relationships.

My spiritual journey to awakening began after a suicide in the family, followed by a rough divorce. Next, I found myself in a toxic relationship in which I experienced emotional trauma. It lasted 6 years and did damage to my soul. I was able to get the strength and resources to get out after a long 6 years and vowed to heal and get myself back because I had lost myself. There were times so dark I contemplated suicide. I felt very stuck, alone and isolated. Something inside never let me get that far. I did a lot of praying and asked for signs to show me what I was supposed to be doing. I was 39.

After the break-up, I had an epiphany moment. I discovered he was a narcissist while researching things he had said were wrong with me and I had believed him. I considered this my first sign from God that I knew who I was. I wasn’t what I had been for the past 6 years. The beauty in that whole emotionally toxic ugly struggle is that here; I found out I was an empath. Narcissists prey on my type and suddenly everything made sense and healing was seeming possible. Everything clicked within me and I began to have constant thoughts about how to help others that were in toxic situations. My childhood deja-vu moments made sense now. Raised in church with a passionate Pentecostal mother and a Baptist raised father, the gift of being an intuitive empath would be called the gift of discernment of spirits. I started to realize that religion and all it’s many names were very similar. That it might just be man, operating in self and ego that has added to, taken from, and changed words of spiritual writings to fit into various religion’s oppinions. Many egos have edited spiritual writings over time. I always felt like, at the core, the message of God is still there; in similar universal truths that tie them all together . I was raised not to waste Godly benefits and so I vowed to follow my intuitions from now on and be conscious of my gift. With each time I followed it, my intuition got stronger and sharper. I was committed to continued personal growth and soul work to heal from the toxicity. I was also like a sponge studying all I could about my gifts and I was determined to fulfill my purpose and passion for helping others. I began sharing information on emotional abuse and the magnetic pull between the narcissist and the empath; not caring that I was annoying some family and friends by being so transparent. However, learning I was an empath changed my life. It helped me see that not all those feelings I had in the toxic relationship were my own. I was feeling his stuff to, absorbing it. It was very empowering to learn myself.   Just saw this on Amazon: Audible Membership http://amzn.to/2G3WKRp via @amazonLoving this! Book lovers, you know where the best online selection is. Right now you can sign up for Amazon audible and get to free books with the purchase. Check it out! Personal growth and self-development reads can be a very important part of your growth process if you are feeding your head with the right content; positive and empowering, of course. 

At 40 I took a birthday road trip to Colorado with the girls. We had time in nature, time to talk and it was very peaceful. I dreaded getting back to my job. When I returned I did notice headaches and light sensitivity and tension in the base of the neck. I wondered why I suddenly hated my job, everyone around me seemed fake at work and everywhere else. I wanted to get away from everything that didn’t bring a peaceful vibe with it.

This is where my awakening began. I was 40 and feeling like I might be menopausal or about to have a mid life crisis situation; something was off. I had several more signs before I discovered that the universe was here to gently shake me awake. This is really where I feel like I was beginning to awaken.

Here are just some of what I experienced as my journey began.

1. 🌻headaches and sensitivity to light

2. 🌻tension at the back of the neck

3. 🌻Stronger intuition

4. 🌻Current relationships changed or ended

5. 🌻Could no longer pretend to like or ignore people being false with me.

6. 🌻Annoyed by most people and petty conflicts. Almost everything seemed petty and unimportant. 🌻No time for drama

7. 🌻Intense and near constant craving to be in nature

8. 🌻Intense urge to create: I wrote, painted, made jewelry and started a blog

9. 🌻Dark night of the soul phase in which I desired to be alone, no contact and face my demons and dark side. Taking inventory of what wrongs needed to be made right

10. 🌻Soul tribe began forming. I met new people with me energy that I learned from. Several old friends from the past returned to my life to teach me something.

11. 🌻Unhappy with career and no desire to fulfill my purpose

12. 🌻Change in sleep patterns and needed less sleep. 🌻Changes in family relationships

13. 🌻synchronicity signs

14. 🌻strong focus on personal growth and knowing self

15.🌻Shedding of ego and the experience of strong emotions coming to the surface

16. 🌻desire to kick bad habits and bad relationships

17. 🌻no judgment and indifferent to those judging me

18. 🌻People annoyed by my growth and change

19. 🌻Desire to move. Seeking change

20. 🌻Brain fog

THE FIRST SIGNS WERE HEADACHES AND LIGHT SENSITIVITY AND LOOKING BACK I WAS STILL IN THE DENIAL STAGE UNAWARE THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS ABOUT TO ROCK MY WORLD WITH WAY MORE! IT CAME TO ME SO QUICKLY AND ABRUPTLY THAT I STARTED RESEARCHING ON MY OWN. THERE WERE SO MANY SUDDEN CHANGES THAT I WANTED AND NEEDED. IT WAS AS IF I COULDN’T KEEP UP AND PROCESS THEM ALL OR GET THINGS DONE FAST ENOUGH FOR THE NEXT ONE. THE UNIVERSE AND GOD JUST STARTED MAKING CHANGES FOR ME; MY CAREER, MOVING AND DISCOVERING MY PURPOSE FOR EXAMPLE. ONCE I EMBRACED MY PURPOSE AND STARTED WAKING UP, MIRACLES BEGAN TO HAPPEN. I’M AUTHENTIC TO MY JOURNEY, MY PURPOSE AND MYSELF, ABOVE ALL. I HAVE LEARNED THAT WE ALL HAVE GOD-WITHIN, THAT INNER STRENGTH, THAT VOICE TO GUIDE US.

My blog is dedicated to suicide prevention and advocating for victims of emotional abuse . I was willing to look like a fool to anyone on my friends list because I felt if my story could help one person get away from toxic emotional abuse, it would be worth it. I also knew blogging would help me hold myself accountable to the healing and personal growth process and it has. I’ve always wanted to help others. Learning who I was and awakening to my soul purpose has confirmed that’s why I’m here, to help. In perfect synchronicity, everything I’ve done in my life prior has prepared me for this. That is what amazes me most. Even when I was asleep God and the universe were quietly preparing and training me for purpose; including the pain. I plan to start a non profit resource center for victims of emotional abuse or those in crisis and to spread awareness for suicide prevention.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for letting me share my story with you. When my experience was in full force I was thankful to hear about other people and their stories of awakening. I hope this touches someone somewhere.

Lastly, in true wildflower fashion, I haven’t done things the way most people would. After facing several struggles alone, at age 41 I now celebrate that I am not most people. This journey helped me shed who I was not and awaken to my purpose and who I am. It was in me all along, I just had to declutter and learn some crucial lessons before I was ready for it. It has been the most pivotal experience of my life. I like who I am. Im proud of how far I’ve come. Most importantly, I’m living consciously; I am awake and finally living life instead of just going through the motions. If you feel like you may be experiencing your awakening I hope you embrace it, honoring your very own God-within. Don’t forget to check out the list of personal growth resources at amazon! Books, audio, music and video!  In fact, the  Audible Membership http://amzn.to/2G3WKRp is a great deal for Book lovers, you know where the best online selection is. Right now you can sign up for Amazon audible and get to free books with the purchase. Check it out!

#theintuitivewildflower