#but like... doesnt take that much to look up context...

[marinecorvid]

blorbos from my brain

[windupaidoneus]

so i found a wriggly thing under my bed right is what happened. & naturally i catastrophise & jumped to the conclusion Oh no i have a maggot infestation! (ft. absolutely nothing to corroborate that) & so ive been stressed & upset & cleaning my room for the past two hours bc of that. well not cleaning so much as trying to sort all this shit i have no room for bc i have 2 pieces of furniture & thus not nearly enough space to put all my shit in. but yk. thats been my life without food 🎉

[arolesbianism]

Why would I draw or further flesh out the other members of Chou's party when I can instead think abt how all of them play in game and spiral out into making up a shit ton of other game mechanics that do not matter to the actual story

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

ASL brothers HAIKYUU!! AU!!!!!

Day one of Self Indulgent month for me! I love these three, i love haikyuu, i love killer whales!

(The Naval Academy is this au’s version of marines)

For those who dont know, in Haikyuu (and prob in real life too but in my experience its not as important as they make it in the anime) The "Ace" of the team is the person who primarily scores points via spiking. Theyre the Hard Hitter, basically.

Design talk👇

Originally, i was gonna make their school mascot just "The Pirates" but i couldnt figure out a clever pun with the school name so i scrapped it in favor of an animal mascot. I figured I would have a wider range of puns that way.

I landed on Orcas as the mascot because I think they really embody a pirate way of life. Theyre strong, hang out in groups of a mix of found family and their actual family, hate the rich, and theyre fun loving! And also im a bit biased because theyre my favorite animal, but hey, i said its self indulgent month, didnt I?

Their school name is a play on the word for Killer Whale (Shachi シャチ) and the word for 'knowledge' (Chishiki 知識), i just smashed the two words together. I'm very proud of myself for coming up with that given i dont speak japanese at all.

Anyway, with their designs, I was taking inspiration from orcas to match the design themes of haikyuu. Ace's hair is bleached on the underside to look like the underside of an orca's body, I made ace and sabo's eyes look more whale-like, the clip in sabo's hair is meant to resemble to spots behind orca's eyes, and I tried to make luffy's hair look more like it's round and spiking down more than i usually do.

Ace is wearing a ''way of the ace" shirt in the first picture, Luffy is wearing a shirt that just says "VOLLEY BALL" because i think it would be funny if he wore a bunch of those Zero-context-poorly-translated-random-english-words shirts that theres a bunch of in Asia. Sabo dyes his hair like delinquents do, but it doesnt much look delinquent~y because of how soft it looks. He means to do it to make him look like a delinquent though. Sabo still has his scars in this au, but he uses his hair, arm braces, and leg braces to cover them up. LUFFY AND ACE HAVE FUNKY SOCKS BECAUSE NO ONE CAN TELL THEM (or me) THEY CANT. Sabo wears athletic socks though because he's a debbie downer. He defends himself saying “It’s practical” and Ace and luffy call him “practically a Debbie Downer.”

Luffy is very good at receiving from growing up with Sabo and Ace practicing setting and spiking with eachother and assigning Luffy as Ball Boy. So he got the libero position from that cuz sabo and ace put in a good word for him. Nepotism.

I didn't feel like coming up with designs for them, but Zoro and Bepo are also on their team (theyre in the fifth image sitting on the right of the line of students). Koala and nami are student managers, Robin is the teacher manager, and Franky is the coach. all other straw hats/luffy friends, rev army comrades, and whitebeard brethren are in the stands. Im trying to keep the ages consistent with how they are in canon.

I didnt do a very in depth research, but i couldnt find what Japanese schools have as mascot costumes. and given no one wears any costumes in haikyuu for their team, i can kind of assume they dont use them over there. But unfortunately for them, I'm American. And part of the backbone of our schooling system, is Vaguely Unsettling Mascot Costumes. My sister says my design for it looks like its from Club Penguin, and i find that delightful. [moment of silence for my billions of fallen Puffles, taken from me in The Shutdown] Anyway.

I thought I was clever coming up with the equivalent of the Marines in this au being a Naval Academy. And their mascot being Seals, famously the animal that gets the absolute Worst Of It from orcas. Get shit onnnnn

I believe thats about it, thanks for coming to my ted talk :)

[traiaadd156]

Damian wayne/ al ghul x fem!reader

Context; damian w a insecure busty reader.

Warning; suggestive, slightly weird dialog, groping, touching, damian here being a little perv(HE IS AGED UP THO!), comfort? Brief mentions of sex, he might have a breast feeding kink? And probly breeding kink. Enjoy(⁠^⁠^⁠)💗

Bust! Reader who doesn't wear overly revealing clothing because she doesn't want to accidentally pop out a boob if she runs or if the strap ripped.

It's a nightmare shopping=( always WITHOUT a doubt having to either size up since her bust doesn't fit, he could see the light of excitement in your eyes fade as quickly as a candle being blown out. Usually he doesn't know much about the struggle, since he usually isn't staring at what you're holding half the time(yes he is probably taking glances but never making it so obvious).

He does try, researching to find better outfits for his beloved. Shopping sprees with him always end up spending less than the next usually clothes hunting since finding a good top that fits is like treasure found under trash and mud.

Busty! Reader OBLIVIOUS to his fixation, sure he has seen breasts before but he is interested since its attached to you. He wants to feel the weight, the warmth of it if you even give him a chance to at least let them touch it. I could just see the gears turning on his head when you said you didn't want to let him see or touch it since you're a bit insecure about that place similarly to your stomach or feet. Of course he did his best to assure you, its beautiful just like you, he wants to cup it like your face, pinch it to feel you slightly jump at the tease.

One day he just straight up asks;

Damian; beloved?

Reader; yes?

Damian; can I touch them?

Reader;???

Damian; your breasts.

Reader; 👁️👄👁️

Damian; 👁️👁️?

And he tells you with the most blank face ever, you didnt know if it was an elaborate joke since he looked so serious but surprisingly enough you agreed.

And so those curious hands gently stroke your skin from under that baggy shirt your wearing, the hardening of your nipples when his long rough finger pads gently held those heavy lumps of fat, palming you. His intent gaze fixed on it, feeling and prodding till you're all hot and bothered and he just pretends that it wasn't the most out of pocket thing he did. But you had a feeling this would have happened.

You had a feeling before he was a little too observant, he said he wasnt ogling and just "observing". Yeah, like the mass and length matter since it isnt science but go off. his eyes never always meeting yours whenever he sunk deep into you. Its not like you could even look at him with your head rolling back into the bed when he rutted and suckling one on his mouth whenever he could like a starved man thinking milk was going to pour out of it as he kneaded, whispering phrases in arabic either cursing you or praising you. Bruises the next morning with how hard his grip was whenever he held your waist of thigh. He grunts and groans softly every time a soft cry comes out of your lips, till your like a broken record as his hilt always hits that doughnut shaped muscle inside. He swears one day your gonna bring up his heirs, he the wife and mother of his heirs.

To watch those breasts fill with milk and that stomach bloat, he enjoys thinking about it more and more. The desire and love creating a life, a child that would never see what he had to see at such a quickness like him.

Then when it comes to daily life, bust! Reader who is just laying in bed after done with her work or school just laying there before he barges in and then laying a top you. Snuggling breathing in your scent before his face settles between your breasts, you watched his face disappear between those fat globes before he let out a content sigh.

He wasnt usually this open but he clearly was easing into you, feeling much closer. He doesnt see the reason why you hate them so much. "Oh its the shape" or "it looks weird" or "its not even" like he gives a fuck. He doesnt see the flaw you saw, in his eyes it never made sense to hate something practically made for him.

To the softness of your body or how easy it was for him to grip everything, he isnt ogling he is just admiring. Admiring the way whenever your nipples harden when its cold in the combo of a loose shirt and underwear on. He swears he feels his cock twitch anytime that happens and he just somehow got in the right frame to see it.

You could be doing the most mundane tasks and he's already thinking about bending you in whatever surface, or there is no surface and so he could just lift you. Trust me when I say that as scrawny and lanky as he looks he is rather strong. Comedically so, it always seems to surprise you whenever he does the things he does.

That was a rather small one shot, but good lord the way I just wanna do a smut telling but idk if I should since I can be too corny🫣

[bluegiragi]

ok im going to be brave and not be on anon for this because i need to send screenshots as i rave about how INSANE ABOUT THE REDRAW IS. IM NOT OKAY. HOLY SHIT IT WAS SO GOOD. i went frame by frame to compare and im losing my mind because the two year improvement is so OBVIOUS and im like. balls to the walls insane. (i hope this was okay i'm so normal i swear but this was just SO COOL. and showed so much growth i need to speak about it because it was so cool and i was very inspired hi) first off, i didnt even REALIZE it was a redraw. the original was just that good in my mind. i saw it, saw your style and didnt even QUESTION the jump in quality cuz "ah yes ofc thats always been how i saw it in my head" anyways. i have things im literally clawing at the walls for. first things first! GOING INSANE AT HOW OBVIOUSLY YOU IMPROVED IN ANATOMY UNDERSTANDING

LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS SO COOL. THE DETAILS. THE IMPROVEMENT. THIS IS SO INSPIRING. IM GOING INSANE. when i read the og i LOVED the way the hands moved, but the change makes so much SENSE. i love how theres less tension in the redraw, it feels like he's being casual about it. he's calm, he's not kickstarting his engines like he's eager to rock konig's shit!!!! his body is more serious and relaxed, it feels less flirty and more a genuine lesson he wants to teach konig to help the guy out again, the ANATOMY UNDERSTANDING!!!!!

improvement goes SO hard im staring im staring im staring but also haha i see that you drew the right hand this time its not cut off heehee BUT ALSO THE BODY LANGUAGE. in the og he doesnt look tense he just looks uncertain, in the redraw he looks like a startled meerkat standing at attention and again AUGHHHH IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE IN CONTEXT OF THE PLOT HERE. CUZ YEAH HE JUMPED TO ATTENTION WHEN GHOST CALLED HIS NAME YOURE SO CORRECT IM GOING INSANE AT HOW YOU MANAGED TO CONVAY THAT IN THE REDRAW. but also slay you kept his slutty little waist yippee we never stray far from the source material HUIEHFDIEURFIER ugh i LOVE the soap redraw

in the redraw they feel so much more weighted and aged and grounded and im clawing at the ground CUZ WHOA LOOK AT THAT JUMP IN UNDERSTANDING AT LIKE THE PLANES OF THE FACE AND STUFF WHOAAAAA YOU CLOCKED IN FOR THESE TWO YEARS I LOVE HOW IN THE REDRAW HE TILTS HIS HEAD UP he looks so SMUG and sure of himself it shows off so much CHARACTER UGHHHH HIS EXPRESSIONS FEEL UNIQUE AND BELIEVABLE FOR HIS CHARACTER also heehee i see hand improvement (slay!) i LOVE the head swivel cuz it feels like his eyes are!! leading!! us!! to where!! we should be looking !! next!!! UGHHHH THE IMPORVEMENT.

it adds movement IT FEELS SO ALIVE!! IT FEELS SO MUCH MORE IMMERSIVE!! SHEDDING REAL TEARS!!! AUGHHHHHHH THE ANATOMY IMPROVEMENT (i scream for the millionth time) but also HEEHEE HAND IMPROVEMENT !!! I SEE HAND!! AUGHH IM SO INSANE ABOUT HOW MUCH THE HANDS IMPROVED THEY CONVAY SO MUCH IM STUDYING HOW YOU DRAW THEM SO HARD

also i saw the redraw and went "heeehee he's so burly omg" before i realised it was a remake and now im insane over how much you beefed him up. thats so real and correct of you actually. OKAYYYYY WE'RE GETTING TO THE ACTION. WOW I HAVE SO MUCH TO YAP ABOUT.

LOOKAT THAT IMPACT. UGHHHHHHH LOOK AT THAT ANATOMY UNDERSTANDING AND HOW IT FEELS LIKE REAL MUSCLE HITTING THE GROUND. UHGHHHH IM SO INSANE THAT LOOKS SO GOOD IT LOOKS SO AUGHDYRYURRJHEHBFHFEVHBEH im doing laps. i love how you hint at existing muscle im studying your art under a microscope. THIS SHOT. THIS PIN. its almost the exact same pose but UGHHHH THE IMPROVEMENT.

i love how theres so much more tension in the way you draw figures. it feels so purposeful. i love the bunching of muscles as they interact with each other and the slight camera angle change that makes you FEEL the weight of ghost pressing down. i love the change in expressions too!! it feels like konig is taking this seriously and actively struggling against ghost's grip and IUGHH i could go on forever but also HEE HEE HANDS!!! HANDS WERE DRAWN!! HAND UNDERSTANDING IMPROVED!!! (i love. so much. sorry i keep pointing it out) THIS. IMPACT. GOES SO HARD UGHH.UHEWFHIUFIUHFRDF. i love LOVE the experience that putting FORCE into the movement speaks to

i LOVE HOW DYNAMIC IT IS I LOVE THE SLIGHT ANGLE OF THE GROUND TO REALLY FEEL HOW IT REELS TO HAVE YOUR FACE SMASHED INTO THE GROUND LIKE THAT hehe i love hand i LOVE hand i love how you draw hand THIS SHOTTTTTT THIS SHOT THIS SHOT THIS SHOT (i say. but i am fully aware ive just been going frame by frame)

I LOVE THE CHANGE IN ANGLE I AM SCREECHING I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH I FEEL SICKKKKK. THAT PERSPECTIVE CHANGE IM GOING INSANE ITS SO DYNAMIC IT FEELS SO GROUNDED i love how your character interact with each other and the way you draw the give of flesh and cloth is so :((( IS SO. IM STUDYING OKAY. IM LOOKING. IM STARING SO HARD. but also the redraw really makes you feel what its like from konig's perspective and and how ghost is looming over him and you feel it so much more keenly cuz he feels like he's looming over US (the audience) and and THE COMIC MAKING SKILLS SHOW THEYRE SHOWING THEY SHOW I SEE THEM I SEE THE SKILLS love the weight of his knees hitting the floor. love how CLEAR you made it in the redraw even though it was totally understandable in the og love how you panel things you make it look so easy and i KNOWWW its not and its just so AUGHHH

love the perspective change again love how CLEAR AND CLEAN IT IS TO REALLY FEEL KONIG BEING CHOKED (slay) AND THE NEW PERSPECTIVE CREATES SO MUCH TENSION IN FORM AND ADDS SO MUCH TO THE STORY AND AND i love the slight change in konig's pose cuz he's still trying to break free and in the redraw its like a show of ghost's strength and skill that he's not budging even when konig is making a genuine effort AND AND IM. IM SO. UGHHH ITS JUST DONE SO WELL OKAY. HEEHEE THE HAAANDSSS i love how you posed them a little differently to give the readers clear view of what theyre both doing while still keeping pretty much everything the same

BUT ALSO THE BODY LANGUAGE. in the og (i loved this shot of the og btw it still goes hard) he looks slumped over, it feel passive, its like he's defeated and just letting ghost whammy him into the ground over and over which is real but the redraw adds so much DETAIL AND STORY OKAY ITS SO AUGHHH LIKE LOOK AT THE LITTLE WORD ADDITION I FORGOT THE NAME it makes it feel like he's trying to catch his breath and also like he's moving instead of being slumped over and it shows he made an EFFORT in the spar like lOOK HE'S BREAKING A SWEAT HE DOESNT LOOK DEFEATED IT JUST LOOKS LIKE HE'S STRAINING WHICH HE SHOULD BE CUZ HE'S PARTICIPATING IN THE LESSON ITS SO REAL ITS SO IUERHFIUREHFGIURFGRIUGIU ITS SOOOOOO. but also heeehee ghost is so burly in the redraw i love how you gave him a little bit of pudge but thats not the point here sorry i got distracted AUGHHH THE HAAAAAANDS sorry ive been struggling with hands recently and seeing you draw them so well is making me spin circles in joy

BUT THIS. THIS SHOT. UGH. I LOVE HOW HE HAS HIS HAND BRACED AGAINST THE GROUND AND ITS LEANING BACK IN THE REDRAW. he looks shy and startled instead of nervous and uncomfortable AND THATS SO. ITS SO STORYTELLING ITS SO PEAK POSING ITS SO IMPROVEMENT ITS SO. i really struggle with having characters interact believable with the things around them and the redraw just shows how weighted and grounded your art feels and and its so inspiring actually sorry if i keep using the same words but its TRUE love the realistic change of the mask being yanked from the chin instead of grabbing ghost's face and also i love how much more real? the fabric looks bunching in his hands AND ALSO EEE the HANDSSS

but also i cant reall say anything here that i havent said above so instead is repeating myself like a freak i will scream and shout into the void unintelligibly AUGHHHHHH THE POSES THE HANDS IUIE3RIHFTRIUGTUG EEEEEEEE THE ACTION LINES I DONT KNOW WHAT THEYRE CALLED BUT AUGHHH THEY ADD SO MUCH LIFE AND MOVEMENT AUGHHHHH. HEEE HEE HANDS but also i love how he looks angry/intense here instead of shocked like the redraw. its a lovely reminder he is, at the end of the day, a dangerous violent guy in a violent profession. very cool 10/10 change

skipping over ghost being pinned cuz i have nothing better to say than "heehee. nice." and im getting dangerously close to the 30 picture limit ugh i LOVE how you draw ghost looming every frame he's in. he's such a solid undeniable presence that feels so correct with his character. i love how he's so looming he's covering most of konig which adds to the feeling of konig scrambling back like YES. THIS IS SO CORRECT. i love how in the redraw konig's hands are tucked to his chest instead of waving like he's trying to make himself smaller and less of a threat. VERY COOL. very sick. very nice.

to end it off, i love how smug you redrew johnny. like look at that fuckass smile. look at that SMIRK. that eyebrow raise johnny i know what you are. i also love how the long mullet propaganda from the monster au came back to haunt the redraw 10/10 excellent wow that took so long to put together holy shit. IN SUMMARY. dude. i'm sure you dont need me to say anything. dont look at me. but i've been following your art for half a decade (only found this account last year by accident but i've been on the other one) and your improvement is so incredible and its so inspiring and i've been looking up to you since i first started drawing (this is not an exaggeration) and i love your comics and you've always been such a pillar in what i strive for in my skills and I DUNNO MAN YOUR IMPROVEMENT IS SO OBVIOUS AND IM ALSO VERY EMOTIONAL AND ITS SO COOL and i love your art and LIKE AGAIN, ME SAYING THIS MEANS NOTHING BUT like. i know deeply how much WORK goes into skill like this and its so ugh i know ive used the word inspirational like 30 times BUT I DONT HAVE A BETTER ONE and yeah. love your stuff. perceive your skills. sorry i went insane in your askbox i really hope you done mind. i also hope you know how cool you are. <333 have a nice day! :)

"me saying this means nothing" it means everything jelly...(i hope its okay i call you jelly, i went to your blog to see what you like to go by bc after such a long and thoughtful message i felt like i couldn't not refer to you by your name). ive been having a real tough time for a while struggling with my relationship with my own art and my stamina and how things that used to come so quickly and easily seem to come so much slower and. just the fact that someone out there feels so much about my work that they'd sit down to write such a long message (with screenshots!!!!) means so much more than i could put into words...like you interpreting all the little things like slight alterations in posing or angles and even the shading like...the care....im just so touched

im really so unbelievably grateful and happy over this message, it made me genuinely grin from ear to ear seeing you appreciate all these little details and my art improvement and god, you saying you've been watching my work for half a decade is OOFT but so, so humbling and kind. and. yeah uhhhh thank you so much? for all of this? and being here still, somehow? i just. yeah. im kinda just lost for words. thank you so much. what a wonder it is to be perceived...

(also, idk if you ever stop feeling like you don't know how to draw hands, im definitely still in that boat looking at some of my peers!! which isn't to deter you or be condescending and i hope it doesn't come off that way, just that it's a relatable feeling and I definitely know how you feel some days ;_;)

[shoezuki]

hi hello so for any people curious bout the dream beef i am talking about im gon chronicle it all here in a hopefully fully contextual way for both longterm weirdos and new people who dont know bout my parasocial beef w dream. ill try to keep my biases out of it somewhat but anyways,

this began with a podcast Tommyinnit and Jack Manifold have together in which they had philza as a guest. Episode 9 is currently behind a paywall on their patreon but they have a youtube channel where they post them publically as well. Not sure if they make all their episodes public eventually or not but i digress.

Twitter user _constel_ has posted 5 clips from the podcast in question that contain their discussion about dream. I have downloaded the videos but tumblr doesnt want me to put them in this post so i will try and sum up each clip as I go.

Clip 1: Phil starts talking about how once the dsmp was done people would joke about how their 'contracts' would be over and they would be allowed to talk about things behind the scenes. philza mentions the infamous philza tweet in response to dream.

for context, the main discussion is around this exchange from around february 2021, where dream 'jokingly' argues that he is responsible to tommy's high viewership on youtube:

Most of it the tweets are deleted by both parties but it was very much a whole thing. Phil has apparently joked about revealing the context of his reply 'when he retires' (mentioned clip 1).

Jack Manifold had apparently been in a call with tommyinnit when the exchange was happening and recalls tommy being extremely stressed. The context philza gives is that he was texted by tommy to look at the thread while he was going on a walk and tommy was panicking over if dream was genuine (mentioned clip 2). Philza says "I'll find out if he's fucking joking' and that he essentially vibe checked dream. Tommy also states that after the twitter exchange he legitimately wrote in his diary to never be rude to dream: "never be horrible to dream. It's not worth it. It makes me too sad". Additionally jack manifold establishes that he hated dream from the beginning, they hate each other, and that, although he acknowledges dream aided him through the dream smp, he hates how dream 'takes ownership of other people and their accomplishments because he was a guiding hand' (mentioned clip 3).

Jack manifold mentions that tommy was 16 during this exchange and philza additionally says it was out of line (Clip 4). Philza more openly talks about there being 'reds flag after red flags' with dream in clip 5.

OKAY thats honestly a vague description and theres a LOT more so watch the clips if u want. Heres another tweet 'summarizing' it as well. But anyways this of course had people talking about dream again, some people (accidentally?) acting like this is about dream smp lore, and a lot of people concerned about how tommy was afraid to upset dream and would blame himself when dream picked fights with him.

Dream's response on dreamwastaken was to tweet about how he appreciated everyone who was on the server dispite differences, as well as a zip file to download the dsmp server/world file.

Worth noting there is a limitation on how many people can download the file within 24 hours so now people are only getting an error message when trying to access it which is fucking funny. On his private he also tweeted "love and appreciate you guys <3 very happy to be uploading again :) hope to keep it rolling" (Im not cropping out the reply its funny)

Thats all hes said so far, I havent seen tommy or jack manifold talking about it either. technically it isnt outright in response to their podcast but obviously everyone is taking it as such.

final stuff/my thoughts: dream has obviously had a tendency to kinda 'take credit' for 'making' the streamers who were on the dsmp and its notable that in his tweet he still acts like his server was the reason for people's fame and relationships. Saying 'a group of creators most of which would never have collaborated under any other circumstance got together and made something really cool' is just his thinly veiled way of still taking credit for tommy's fame and the relationships he and others have made and its moronic. Not to mention dsmp was very much NOT the server that got these specific people together, i mean techno and phil met through minecraft mondays, tommy and jack manifold met both of them through smp earth i believe. Even if the dsmp wasnt a thing they probably would have collaborated with other members through mcc eventually. the idea that the dsmp was what brought them together and a bunch of minecraft clowns would 'never have collaborated under any other circumstance' is stupid.

anyways sorry this is long as shit. im going to pray dream doesnt let this go for at least 3 to 5 business days as per usual

[andy-wm]

How to speak without words

a simple guide, by Jikook

This post is all about context, so for context 31 March is Trans Day of Visibility.

Its a day be your authetic and true self and to show the world that trans people exist.

I'm also going to use it as an opportunity to talk about something that comes up over and over, especially with Jimin & JK.

How do we share our story if we can't speak directly?

In the spaces around Jimin & Junkgook, there's a lot of discussion about the messages they are or aren't sending.

For some people these messages aren't significant enough to validate or even to make them wonder. They don't see the broader context or the cumulative effect of the many small moments. Its easy to dismiss it all as isolated incidents.

But for those of us who are seeing the whole picture, nothing is lost or ignored or dismissed.

We understand how these small moments fit together to create a complex story because we see the wider context. They are individual threads in the tapestry of their lives.

When JK goes live on Weverse on White Day wearing a white shirt and not much else and has a drink with ARMY, and we know Jimin is not around, we get what's happening. When Jimin posts a photo of the two of them wearing white on White Day, he doesnt need to say anything else.

When JK sends a thirst trap birthday message for Jimin and ends it with a clunky 'happy birthday bro', we know why.

When he uses the sign language for love on a stage in front of the whole world and directs it at Jimin, we see what hes doing.

When Jungkook presents himself as the vampiric stereotype - lusting for the forbidden - in his photo folio and Jimin parallels this with his own mythic themes and darkly sensual imagery in the same project, we can't misunderstand the symbolism.

When Jimin says "hurry up and be me soon", when he presents feminine for one concept and masculine for the next, when he stands on the Miss Dior red carpet in a cape and full face of make-up but with his bloodied knuckles on full display, we can't pretend we don't see it.

When Jimin & Jungkook wear matching outfits, even even when they're not together...

When they publicly conform to couple stereotypes - off stage and outside of BTS...

We know. We see it all as a single woven story and we know.

And like any truly committed couple, they're there for each other in good times and bad. They celebrate their successes, comfort each other, and stick together when times get tough.

And no, they've never verbally confirmed or denied. The context of their lives makes any such declaration incredibly difficult, if not impossible. Regardless, they owe no explanation. But being so visible would be confirmation enough for almost any other couple to be acknowledged.

They tell us over and over who they are.

Showing so undeniably that they are always there for each other is more than enough, honestly. If you can accept all the things you cannot see, how can you look at these two and not see love?

💜💛

That's essentially what the Trans Day of Visibility is about.

Showing that you exist.

Being seen and believed.

You don't needs to make a speech or an announcement. You can if you want to of course. You can go to a rally if you want to be with the trans community, and in the current political climate that might be safer if you want to be seen.

Maybe you just want to drop a hint ... iykyk

But you don't have to be seen at all if you choose not to...

Shout out to all the trans, gender diverse, gender questioning, and gender non-conforming humans in the world and all our allies and supporters too.

On this year's Trans Day of Visibility, I understand more than ever why people might prefer to remain invisible. It's dangerous out there.

Nevertheless, celebrate yourself today and every day. Being authentic and living your life as your genuine self in a way that makes you happy is your right.

If you aren't there yet, take your time, be brave where you can but be safe, and know that you are amazing.

Trans right are human rights.

And in case it's needed, here's a message for the haters: You will never win. We've always been here and we will always be here. Just like every other human, we belong here too 🏳️‍⚧️

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

Wicked Gelphie fans, i need you guys so badly to know how well Elphaba/Glinda are "good timeline"d "history doesnt repeat, it rhymes"-ified by Dorothy/Princess Ozma in Baum's original Oz book series. like. Dorothy/Ozma get everything; theyre the sweet, intimate friends-to-"??? are they a couple?"-ified political power-sapphic-duo that Gelphie would have wanted to be. like??

if you merge canons, fam... Wicked-Glinda must be struggling, seeing Dorothy/Ozma be everything she and Elphaba could have been.... omfg... the angst potential, the envy of watching a couple of sapphic childhood sweethearts get everything they were denied, fulfill Glinda and Elphie's dreams, and seemingly so easily too...

(also!! they even CAN look like a kid-Glinda and kid-Elphaba! there's canon to justify that kind of appearance paralleling!!)

faq below if you want more context

edit, psa: i did read these books from like.. the ages of 10 to like 14 or so, maybe as young as 8? idk, i dont remember. anyway. its been a decade since i picked them back up. and i didnt think this would gain as much traction as it has been after 100+ notes in less than 24 hours. uh. so. take my chronic memory loss-addled summarization with a grain of salt?? like? i just wrote this post so i didnt have to re-vent (agAIN) to my friends about how much i fucking love Dorothy/Ozma, period, much less in parallel to Gelphie. so. enjoy, carry on, and whatnot lmao

1️⃣: there's Oz books? plural???

yes, Baum wrote 14 books about Oz, actually. also, he wrote them under the appointment of "the royal historian of Oz" instead of "author", so there's other "official" Oz books by other "royal historians of Oz"

Baum wrote so much bc (he needed money, yes, but also:) kids would send him questions in fan-mail, and he would proceed to answer them via new novels. so he never planned to make more Oz books, he just (wasnt good with money and also) was routinely inspired by the kids who wrote to him and would write the stuff they wanted to learn about Oz and whatnot

2️⃣: does Dorothy go back to Oz? wasn't it all a dream for her??

yeah, Dorothy returns to Oz a lot in the books, she eventually even moves to live there permanently. bc, in the book series, it's a real place

only in the 1939 film was Oz ever a dream

3️⃣: how does Dorothy look like Glinda OR Elphaba?? what are you talking about?

okay so, "The Wizard of Oz" has an illustrator, W. W. Denslow. in the book, Dorothy is confirmed to be wearing a blue-white gingham dress (she changes outfits tho, she doesnt always wear the same dress all 14 books like she's some cartoon character); but im pretty sure her hair was all Denslow(? i could be remembering wrong. p sure im not tho??). this is what the 1939 movie based her appearance off of. so i can see why youd go "she doesnt look like Glinda or Elphaba"

BUT Denslow and Baum started feuding. so for the rest of the Oz books that Baum wrote, he had a different illustrator by the name of John R. Neil

and Neil decided to give Dorothy for every one of the books he illustrated (so, 13 of Baum's books to Denslow's 1 book of Baum's) a cute lil blonde bob, making her look like what i assume blonde-Glinda looked like as a child. i think she'd approve lol

so!! Dorothy very much looks like a trendy little Glinda, with her cute blonde bob, her fashionable drop-waist dress, and bows for most of the Baum series, actually!

(also, Neil had a preference for dressing Dorothy in this red and polka-dot number, but, again, she does wear other outfits)

(lmao also look at Tin-Man and Scarecrow with blonde-Dorothy, they look like her two gay dads encouraging her to just go be herself at school?? i love them)

(also, if you see "Eloise At The Plaza"-energy in this Dorothy design, im right there with you lol)

4️⃣: who is Ozma??

she's the Princess of Oz. she eventually appears in the second book of the series. she rules Oz after the Wizard

she's actually a really interesting transwoman allegory too. (spoilers for a book from the early 1900s?) she was born a little girl named Ozma, but has a spell put on her as a baby to be genderbent and was socially raised as a little boy under a different name, and she later realizes who she truly is: a girl. she finds the transformation scary, as she returns to her girl-form she always truly was, but she feels better and more herself now that she is Ozma again. i dont think L. Frank Baum intentionally wrote her to be a trans allegory, but you can very obviously see why our trans elders fucking LOVED Ozma back in the early 1900s

also, she has a similar "sir, you fucked up" relationship with the Wizard as Elphaba*. and, also like Elphaba, Ozma politically tries to make things in Oz better (just.. unlike Elphaba, Ozma has the power and support to do just that p much asap)

* (edit for contextual clarification on how the Wizard fucked up: the Wizard fucked up with Ozma because he is ultimately and p directly the reason why she was genderbent/hidden. he deposed of her family and sent her away. Baum decided later on to backtrack a little bit on this(?) because he wanted to bring back the Wizard and, in order for Baum to do that, has to try to not make him SO terribly horrible??? so like. Ozma does end up forgiving him and tolerates him amd he's nicer, later on, within the books. but i doubt any modern adaptation of the books would follow that, personally. even as a kid, i went "bullshit" and headcanoned that Ozma fucking hated the guy and, at best, MAYBE tolerated him for Dorothy, but overall did not like him for justifiable reasons! i think the direction society seems to have taken the Wizard is interesting, and i wouldnt be surprised if there was at least one future adaptation that made him The Bad Guy in a very Rumplestiltskin in the Once Upon A Time TV show kind of way. but like. in the books, they do END UP getting along. i just forever disagree with Baum on that lol i think the Wizard fucked up, and in book 2 of the series (the one where Ozma is, y'know, introduced), it is obvious the Wizard FUCKED UP. but yeah. also, Ozma does get her dad back. her mom was kind of never in the picture to begin with, specifically in a Ponyo's Mom kind of way, like, she made Oz and then left it for her husband and kid to rule, so. yeah. im getting off track. my point is the Wizard did a full-on coup on her family and then banished her and genderbent her so no one would recognize that she had claim to the throne he was sitting on!! he fucked up! so, like, i personally hc that Elphaba founded the "i hate the Wizard" club to which everyone slowly joined, like Fieyro and etc, and Ozma is their youngest member. the Wizard did both Elphie and Ozma so dirty, omfg)

it also should be mentioned, Ozma in NBC's "Emerald City" was casted as Black (her actress being Jordan Loughran). so, though Ozma does not have green skin (but also? neither did the Wicked Witch of the West in the books, she wasn't green there. that was a 1939 film decision to make her green. so! Ozma could be green!! why not!), but she does have Black features to theoretically remind Glinda of Cynthia Eviro's Elphaba when you consider that casting. or, if you prefer a Jewish!Elphaba casting, a'la Idina Menzel's Elphaba, i think Ozma's book design works well to interpretively parallel those features too. or both, if you like the sound of a Black-Jewish Elphaba and Ozma paralleling lol

(edit, because i thought i mentioned this but? no?? i didnt?? i must have misclicked or something to have deleted the paragraph. im so sorry, here you go:) also, when Ozma was a boy, she was basically enslaved to her jailor of a caretaker. which one could interpret as "oh, a Cinderella story!", sure. but, with a Black Ozma, it does read as an intergenerational grief-formed power-fantasy that is both empowering and poignant for Ozma to have ran away from her enslavement and gone on to become a princess afterwards. to any Black folks who may be going "is this going to trigger me?" about Ozma having been a child-slave, i remind you that Baum wrote this intentionally for children, so, no, the books do not sit in the trauma and horror of enslavement, but whether or not it would trigger you yourself is up to your discretion. i will say, Baum did NOT write the American Girls' Addy of his time (context: a children's book about a child-slave that does go into the horrors, some, though in a kid-friendly way) or Louis Sachar's Holes (i asssume i dont have explain Holes since its movie was such a hit), i remember it as even more kid-friendly than either of those also-children's books, so i would assume most people would be fine? but you are responsible for your own mental well-being, i urge you to confirm if it is fine for yourself however you need to do that. but, yes, you can use this backstory as further evidence for your Ozma being Black, of course! you can have Ozma be Black regardless, but if you want this as further evidence, go ahead! and also, it does parallel Ozma to Elphaba in the sense that Elphaba's family mistreats Elphaba! (i will, regardless of if you prefer a Jewish and/or Black Elphaba, add that doing so is also a nice "fuck you" to Baum in how, being a white man of the late 1800s and early 1900s, did end up throwing in racist and/or antisemitic caricatures here and there within his 14 books, unfortunately. i, an Indigenous American, remember as a child still immensely enjoying Oz despite Baum being racist towards Native Americans. if youre curious on the egregious level of it all and if the story could still be enjoyable, id say it's in the realm of Peter Pan, Willy Wonka, and Matilda of "wow. that is shitty. im going to pretend this thing i love is good instead via cognitive dissonance")

regardless, in John R Neil's illustrations, Ozma does have black hair, so that too coincides with modern understandings of Elphaba

(there is also her appearance in Disney's "Return to Oz", performed by Emma Ridley, where she is blonde. but, though i love that spooky movie, that's neither here nor there. as far as im aware, only in that movie has Ozma not had black hair)

anyway, she rules Oz; and by book 3, becomes really close friends with Dorothy. they're not a canon couple, not anymore than Gelphie is, but they are such close and affectionate friends that they are so easy to ship as childhood sweethearts (so, no, there is no moment of 🎶loathing🎶, but i find that sweetness makes them an angstier parallel for Glinda to watch over, personally lol)

like here's some illustrations from the books of them just being two "gal pals". no wonder our queer elders shipped them lmao and this isn't even all of their illustrations together, this is just the first spurts that google shot out at me lmao

also??? this is them with book-Glinda. not only do they look absolutely darling, also, yes, Dorothy becomes a princess, because Ozma said so. they co-rule Oz together. they are just too sweet, fam, i love these two little childhood sweethearts, i choose to see Dorothy's princess-ship as the same as two kids promising to marry one another when they grow up. this is so cute

and can you imagine Wicked-Glinda? looking down at these two, seeing what could have between herself and Elphaba had things turned out different??? im making myself sad

(also "Book of Glinda" is so wild. both in terms of "...Baum, how do you not see this as queer?" like with one example being like "Baum, you put that Glinda has 100s of single women at her beck and call in her palace, this is so easy to see as sapphic, sir"... and then, over here, we have John R Neil repeatedly reading "gave a platonic, innocent kiss" and going "okay, so, uh, making out? i dont do platonic kissing" lmao anYWAAAAYYYY, THAT'S NOT RELEVANT HERE)

🌟5️⃣ bonus:

so, you might have a few follow-up questions. like, what is "Elphaba" like in the books? what does she look like?

well, she's really only in the first book. she's one-note, evil, dies. she's not green-skinned, and she isn't given any sort of name. she is only called "the Wicked Witch of the West", that's it, she is not Elphaba

however, i will mention the Wicked Witch of the West, in the books, is a fashion disaster and i want to see her look used as evidence that "yes, goth-Elphaba and dark-academia-Elphaba are 10/10, but also?? kitschy grandma-core knitwear-Elphaba × her fashionably Barbie pink girlfriend". i'd love to see art of that. i'm just saying

also?? this isn't related to her at all but guess what

Scarecrow/Tin-Man was like THE ship for our queer elders. they are so emotionally intimate, they live together, it's great, look at these pictures of them being absolute bros (can you see why they were shipped so hard)

i bring this up, bc you could argue Fieyro/Boq if you merge canons to make your own narrative and whatnot. guess Fieryo and Boq kinda had their own mirrored 🎶loathing🎶 period under that framing lmao

or, if you hate Boq, youll probably love the Tin-Man's angsty "ship of Theseus"-like backstory as the once-Nick Chopper(: his human name, pre-tin-ification) that is in the books

so! enjoy that knowledge!! theyre super cute in the books, i love them. again, not a canon ship, but still beloved by our elder queers, just like Ozma and Dorothy

i hope it makes even more sense now why our queer elders used the phrase "Are you a friend of Dorothy?" as code to see if someone else was queer, not even taking into account the 1939 movie or Judy Garland's relationship with the queer community

anyway, albeit this is all the basics generalized, that should be everything

but yeah!! Ozma and Dorothy reminding Glinda of what could have been, of what she lost, being the sweeter "next generation" version of Gelphie?? tugs so hard at my heartstrings

but yeah, do whatever you want with Gelphie, Fieryo, and Part 2. im just saying. the angst potential of being envious and living vicariously through someone and seeing other people get the happy ending you were denied?? is right there lol

(edit: this awesome video by Kaz Rowe JUST came out if you want to hear more about the Oz book series, its queerness, its author, its GLARING PROBLEMS including but not limited to instances of racism, and so on and so forth. Kaz Rowe is a fantastic video-essayist, so i hope you watch the video and enjoy their hard-polished craftsmanship)

[k-aemi]

blue lock ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ doctors note.

obsessive behavior, a bit erotic but no smut, self-harm, use of force, multiple mental illnesses exposed, some mischaracterization but its for the plot pls forgive me :<, traumatic events(?)

a/n: haii so this might not be accurately correct im no expert in this category but if you guys catch any mistakes ive made pls tell me thru asks or message me ^^ id like to improve anything and fix.

this is part 1! i will be writing more if you guys like it

for context youre a psychiatrist that works by yourself....kind of. its sort of a family business owned thing. but youre the main worker with the degree, your family was just there to assist you with checking in patients and cleaning around the small facility you owned.

though, it did seemed youd have to relocate else where, you were barely getting patients because of the unknown location you were at, and judged from the outside. just because your place was small doesnt mean you sucked! you were top of medical school!

just on a random day you get over 10+ appointments. you werent sure if someone had mis-clicked and meant to only add one. but there were a list of names, and all their information...

you werent even sure what to do, you dont think youve gotten this many patients at the same time before, possibly 3 at best and that was all.

the one who even assigned all of them to you was some person named Ego Jinpachi. youve heard of him, hes one of the workers of blue lock wasnt he? that football facility not too far from your place. youve found out hes bringing in football lunatics whos suddenly lost their minds. he says if you can, keep them confined in here until theyre able to function properly. this isnt the mental asylum!

he told you hes only chose this one because of the lost of money due the change of behavior in his players, investors soon losing the interest in investing in blue lock. he only has so much to spend.

so he asks you, which of course youll get two percent of what blue lock makes as soon as his players are back in top notch shape, which will make blue lock shine again.

you have no choice but to accept, this is your job anyways! its time to show your full potential!

patient #1: isagi yoichi.

checking in on isagi yoichi. who is dealing with severe anxiety. as hes constantly overcoming obstacles to try and exceed his performance, success and ability to meet beyond expectations. this always leads to him overthinking and anxious in high pressure situations.

he must becomes the best, but he fears falling behind his peers. he sets these expectations himself. his anxiety could worsen if hes pushing himself too hard, he wont be able to take care of himself for the future.

poor boy, always comparing himself with the geniuses surrounding him, he self-doubts himself, he thinks if he cant live up to their level, he cant be number one. he wants to be the best, he wants someone to recognize his talent in order to keep his drive to become number one striker. even an ounce of feeling ignored by the dominant players on field, he doubts his worth in football.

he was only the stepping stone to evolve rin and kaiser? he hates it. it feels like hes left alone in the dark. he wants to be the best, even with his best efforts, he cant do it! only there to unlock others potentials...but what about his?

getting to know him better, you fully understand as he warms up to you. you know the feeling of being left out, having that passion but never recognized for what youre worth for. he looks so drained and you feel so bad about it, for a doctor you feel like you get more sentimental than your patients.

he thinks youre always so patient with him, you would never pry into him forcing how he feels, or force positive thoughts into him. you patiently guide him through it and makes sure to take it step by step. sharing methods that could help with the anxiety.

your voice is so soft and youre not too much for him to handle. he thinks your presence is calming and warm, like he can forget all of his problems with you in there. every time you see a little improvement in his anxiety, youre always there to validate him. you just think with the praises, itd help motivate him!

oh and it does. to the point he lives for your validation. he thinks its a change of pace since youre no competitor from blue lock. he thinks of you as a safe space. you listen to him with no judgement, even when he thinks his diagnosed anxiety was for a stupid reason.

you view him not just as an athlete, but someone with emotions and vulnerabilities. he thinks thats the charm of you. he doesnt even notice it himself, but he starts to depend on you to make sure he doesnt feel rejected from society.

whenever youd come into his room to ask your daily questions, hes always asking further "are you happy im doing well..?" just to hear your sweet praises fall into his ears. hes love to hear it from you. thats his only source of living comfortably right now.

"yes 'm so happy 'ichi! im so excited to see you back onto the fields!" you clasped your hands together. the way the nickname rolls off your tongue makes him feel hes important to you, normally when someones important to someone, they love them right? you love him dont you? just as much as he does?

"[name..] you care about me right...? like a lot?" hed randomly ask you when youre checking up on him. it was very out of no where considering you were talking about the very famous franchise kamen rider shows. "hm? yeah care about you s'much!" you flashed your sweet smile at him.

your presence feels so warm...he...he wonders what its like for lovers to kiss is like, which is what he assumes you are to him. he cups your cheeks, staring intensely at your lips. youre a tad confused, you wondered if he just wanted to grab hold of something. not until you see him lean him and your eyes widened. coming back to your senses, you hands came in between your lips and his, stopping the kiss.

isagi can only look so confuse. what are you doing? youre his lover arent you? he can kiss you. why are you refusing him? his affection? are you rejecting him?

"i-ichi...what are you doing..?" you awkwardly back up and you see his gaze darkened. "this is what lovers do right...? we have to kiss. or are you rejecting me like everyone else does. am i just a background character to your story too?!" he lashes out on you.

"no no-what-lover..?" you should of perhaps saw this coming, in some rare cases it happens. your trance of thoughts were interrupted when isagi knocks down the vase on his nightstand.

"fuck-! knew it. fucking knew it. youre just toying with me too huh? youre rejecting me." he growls. the vase shatters you hurriedly try to pick up the pieces, youre scared isagi might try to hurt himself with these shards, if you dont take action fast, hell do it, so youll pick it up with hand first, the broom is kind of far and if you come back to him in a worsened condition, it can only lead to the bad.

you cut yourself on accident and you hissed at the pain. isagi immediately notices, grabbing hold of your finger...looking at it intently.

"u-uh ichi..?" you try to retreat your hand from him, but his gaze leaves you fazed. those eyes of his were so scary. isagi licks the blood that spills from your finger and licks it tenderly. sucking on the digists, tasting your precious blood which he thinks is sacred.

"i love you so much [name]...you feel the same way dont you..?"

patient #2: bachira meguru.

focusing on bachira meguru. a bit energetic...well thats probably an understatement, he really is energetic. studying him for a while it seems he has borderline personality disorder.

bachira who longs for deep connections may connect to fear of abandonment. he always struggled with loneliness and was always called weird by the other kids. as a coping mechanism, it led to him creating his "monster" he talks about to deal with the isolation hes faced.

he has an intense fear of being alone, even if its all in his head, he hates it. hes really dependent and have a strong sense of attachments to certain indivduals, just like isagi. he saw isagi as a crucial part to his well-being, knowing he can play football with him, hes like him, he has a monster too.

he yearns for someone to understand him. creating a sense of acceptance and validation from others. if he cant play football with anyone else, who else can but his monster..?

he doesnt even know who he is, he relies on others to define himself. just like how he relies on isagi a lot. whenever he sees isagi becoming more independent in his plays, he feels left behind because he thinks thered be no one else to play with him. :(

without the monster inside of him, he doesnt know how else to see himself. hes sees himself within that monster, without it, he struggles to find his true self.

whenever you come to visit him, hes always mentioning the monster to you. saying he wants to play, but you must help him get better first so he can succeed without the monster!

of course, you always ask him about the monster, you want to slowly try and make him self aware he can build other connections than his inner monster. you try to understand what triggers or triggered this abandonment, and when he tells you, you start to tear up on the inside!

you tell him to jolt down whenever he feels lonely or abandoned. or when his monster appears, what does it say? what does it do to him? giving him a little journal and a cute little pen with a sunflower on top to match his golden locks that touch the tips.

"you can tell me anything in this journal ok?" you flashed a smile at him. and he finally feels like youre the only one who understands him and this monster. honestly, if you were trying to make him to stop depending on the monster, hell just depend on you instead, thats the only reasonable thing to do right?

he sees you as a special person he doesnt want to lose. youre always so caring and give him the comfort he needs when he crys in the middle of night, saying he just feels so alone, he needs you to be there for him :(

hes never had this sort of comfort before aside from his mom. but having you and going through the process with it, he thinks this is what love feels like. he was always too silly to form a crush on anyone, or to even get a girlfriend, but with you by his side, this was definitely the love he yearned for, you understood him better than anyone. youre the only one for him.

he thinks whenever you visit him, its like going on a date! youre always coming in looking so pretty (you dont even have makeup on and youre in casual clothing www) for him and you look so happy to talk to him just as much as he does, he loves his doctor girlfriend<3

you dont even realize hes falling in love with you. you just think its his playful manner and excitement! youre so naive. what the hell did you mean you didnt know when he told you "you know if you werent my doctor id totally make you mine! kidding.." sticking out his tongue, hes so silly you just laugh.

sometimes hed randomly text you things outside of professional settings if you werent available right now, either out food shopping or helping out family matters. not that you mind, but itd be super random. "i drew two dogs. its us! :D”

even when hed say some "weird" things you suppose, something along the lines of him complaining why you have other patients. he tells you to just tend to him! you can only raise your eyebrow in confusion. "you do know its my job right?" you giggled a bit. "mmm... dont care. youre my doctor. and i hate sharing."

bachira always comes up to hug you first thing when you open the door to his room, he hears your footsteps from the hallway so he just stands to the side and jump at you when you enter in.

"[name]!!!" he nuzzled against your neck, the thud was so loud you think your sister probably heard it like 3 rooms away. his head rested above your chest as he rubbed his face on it, holding you tight around the waist.

"megu...stop doing that! im gonna get a head concussion one day!" you playfully bonk his head and he let out a soft grunt. he only giggles before inhaling your scent. god he loved this smell, it was at least better than the smell of antiseptics and disinfectants, it made his head hurt a bit.

"but missed you s'much.." he pouts. how did you not see the signs? you let out a content sigh, flashing a smile to him before patting his head, ruffling his hair. "sorry sorry, i was really busy. lets get you checked up yeah?" he nods eagerly. getting up to help you by handing his hand out, you grabbed it as he pulled you up. you never really realized how tall he was, judging by looks, he doesnt even look that tall!

but your trance of thoughts is immediately interrupted by a soft pair of lips on your cheek. did bachira just...? you back away, rubbing the part he kissed.

"im so excited for our date! were gonna talk lots and lots of things!" he grips your wrist, dragging you to the stool next to his bed. but you didnt budge an inch.

"hmm whats wrong? why do you look so upset?" he leaned closer to you but you back away. he notices this and doesnt take it so lightly.

"why are you avoiding me now..? do you think im weird? do you see me as a monster?" he starts to overthink it, as he clenches onto your shirt with a pained look. whats with this sudden demeanor?! you were never like this...so why now? was it the kiss? he thought you loved him so he thought you wouldnt mind!

"of course not megu...but you really cant just-" youre interrupted with a kiss on the lips. he didnt want to hear it. he was too dependent on you already, and youre gonna leave him like you guys had nothing? like you didnt have a single ounce of feelings for him either?! hes furious. how could you.

"dont leave me now [name]...please...i need you."

patient #3: chigiri hyoma.

onto the next model-uh patient. chigiri hyoma. seriously did he come from blue lock? he looks like a model with that beautiful hair of his. you accidentally mistook him for a woman! recording his actions and behaviors, you assume he suffers from ptsd, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

you found out that he had a acl tear and it was a traumatic event he just cant seem to forget, it nearly destroyed and shattered his dreams of being the best striker. sure he recovered, but this shaped his behavior and caused him emotional distress.

he was most confident in his speed, and for it to just be taken away from him again makes him scared. it would mean losing who he was as a player. stripping away that confidence and sense of security. poor baby.

hed never told anyone about this event. making it even hard to process having to bottle up is fears. even with his body healed, his mind didnt, still facing the fear and hesitation. :(

that traumatic event always replay back in his mind, and the words of his doctors still echoed inside of his head. hearing those devastating words that of he were to tore his acl again, his career of a soccer player is over.

whenever out on the field he gets the image of the injury happening, which he hesitates to show his full potential. whenever hed see someone to fall or hurt their knee, he cant help but feel that trigger, causing fear. it reminds him of what had happened and he cant escape from it.

just even thinking about running full speed, he hesitates and starts to hyperventilate. he gets so scared, he doesnt want to quit, he wants to keep playing! it gets so bad to the point hed have to be switched out with another person.

all he can do is run away from his fear, he wants to protect himself in order to keep playing. but how can he keep it up if his speed is what defined him? he wants to, but hes too scared of the risk.

he sees his strength in his speed. without it, hes nothing. hes nothing worth more than lead. he hated the feeling. the feeling of being weak, the feeling of being so scared. he hates himself. with his hesitation, he cant help but always feel like hes dragging his teammates down.

because youre his doctor and not one of the blue lock competitors, he thinks it might be alright to just fill you in, but he ended up telling you everything, and how he felt. he even cried, knowing he was weak after he lost his sense of self.

you sob listening to his story. youre determined to make him feel like he will be the best without having to worry! youre the first person hes ever told anyone outside his family. you give him the reassurance youll never tell a single soul about what happened to him.

to start off you think itd be best if you can help change his mindset! you help him challenge the negative thoughts that may occur in his head with confidence! "sure your speed is your gift, but its not the only thing that defines you! you need to remember just because it happened once, it wont happen again!"

hes never even thought of it like that, this whole time all he could think about is how hell destroy his body, and that stops him from showing his full potential.

you guide him through training to increase his comfort with getting used to full speed movements to boost his confidence his knee is strong and the past wont control him anymore! you give him some methods and techniques on to calm his anxiety before matches so that he wouldnt be so hesitant anymore.

you hope hed focus on the present, than cling onto the repeat of the past.

knowing youre the first person to know about his knee, you understand the weight of his trauma and you see past the talent he was gifted, he was more than just a speedy person! thats what he enjoyed about you. he feels like youre his safe space.

he gets these stir of feelings, hes confused on what it is. it happened when you told him..."you dont have to prove anything to me! whether you run or not, youre still the chigiri hyoma i know" followed by a giggle. what...what was this burning sensation in his chest. he cant wrap a finger around it.

he feels like around you, he can show his most vulnerable state. whether hes crying, angry, or scared. he can show it all to you without feeling judged. that always led to him wanting to seek your reassurance all the time. outside of football, he can be himself if youre around.

he loved how you were able to help him overcome his fears, even if it took a while, all throughout his whole years of liviing he was able to feel better about himself. due to his avoidant ways, he feels such a deep connection with you, causing him to think, maybe this is the feeling of love. he may thinks its admiration but he shrugged that feeling. its definitely love.

he starts to take mental notes of the little things you like or do. oh you prefer to use the air fryer than oil fry your food? its noted. you like to pick out the tomatoes from your burgers because you think the texture is gross? hes got it down. you like this certain movie at this specific time? you know it.

he loves your approval. everything you say to him puts in a trance really but he specifically loves whenever you help train his knee, seeing his progress, you tell him, "im so proud of you hyo!" his heart will always skip a beat.

he thinks the only patient you should tend to is him. i mean...you look like you enjoy his presence a lot, it means youre his favorite right? thats what he sees at least. so whenever youd leave his room, hed just mutter under his breath. "arent i better than them..?" with his furrowed eyebrows.

he knows the rules, he cant be a patient that falls in love with his doctor, but can you blame him? youre so caring and nice to him, its such a reliever from all of the egoists from blue lock. you dont think hed at least build some sort of dependency on you?

"alright hyo! im so happy youre recovering, i know its a long process but just some progress is a lot!" clasping your hands together to show your happiness. he knows its genuine, i mean you cant fake a smile like that. its so warm...youre like the sun to him.

"[n-name]...." he suddenly called out to you as he was sat on the edge of his bed, gripping onto the sheets with fear. he wants to tell you how he feels. i mean, you could potentially have feelings for him too right? theres no way a doctor is this nice to their patients unless theres one reasonable explanation. you like him too.

"yes hyo?" you didnt look up from your clipboard, jolting down some notes and writing some important details. you can hear some slight hesitation in chigiris words. but didnt really pay no attention to it.

"please just...listen...i..think...no scratch that..i know i have feelings for you." he would rub the back of his neck, slowly trailing his gaze from the ground to your eyes. he hated being vulnerable but for you, and for this opportunity, he couldnt waste it. he loved you so much.

you can only just stare at him dumbfounded, your pen dropping to the floor. you didnt expect him to openly express his feelings. you didnt even think he would have feelings for you. he most of the time had a stoic face to him, it was kind of hard to read him, but you still got through him.

you struggle to say the words you want to say. youre an extreme people pleaser and youd hate to hurt another patients feelings. "im glad youre aware hyo, but as your doctor, its a built on trust on your healing process. if i crossed that line, id be failing you. i wont dismiss or disregard your feelings like its nothing, youre important to me and i care deeply about you." you frown at him and you can see his eyes lower as his lips quivered.

you figured hed try and undestand, but he just persist, and it maybe fueled his anger. "so...thats it? just because...of some fucking stupid rule? is this your excuse? just fucking tell me you dont love me. at least make an exception! for me!" he lashed out and you kind of get scared. youve never seen him raise his voice at you. he hyperventilates as he continues with his fuel.

"you cant just tell me, just because youre my doctor...youre telling me we didnt have a thing going on? because it sure as hell didnt feel that way. i cant just pretend youre werent the only person who truly understood me! tell me...how to do that." he walked up to you, hovering over your figure.

you didnt dare to look at him, knowing youd be met with his cold gaze. you just bit your lip and clutched your clipboard in anticipation. until he took hold of your shoulders leaning down to your level and meet your eyes.

"fucking tell me [name]!" his eyebrows furrowed as his teeth grit. youre so scared, you feel threatened, but youre not sure what to do, hes much stronger than you. theres nothing you can do in this situation.

when he sees your trembling figure, he loosen his grip on you and sighed. hesitantly wrapping his arms around your neck when he sees you wince a bit. he soften a bits before letting out a content sigh.

"'m so sorry...didnt mean to... i love you, you know that...?"

patient #4: itoshi rin.

the brother of itoshi sae, itoshi rin. you could of swore you treated to itoshi sae once. but thats for another story. judging by his actions, you think hes suffering from depression.

this patient sure was a bit difficult. he rarely talks about his feelings. instead its mostly hatred he expresses it as. hes always talking to himself, "its not enough.." repeatedly you dont even know if hes aware youre still in his presence.

when he wants to get away from the suffering, he fixates on sae. he hates the way sae just did him like that, seriously his only goal was to play football to become the second best aside sae. now he wanted to change? he doesnt matter in saes life anymore? how could he. how fucking dare he.

he cant express his sadness so easily. even if he tried to, it turns into anger, lashing out on others. but he doesnt mean it, it just happens. he doesnt mean to push others way.

hes so harsh on himself, he thinks every loss granted feels like a personal failure, making him hate himself even more. when you had first tried to help him, he could only scoff to himself. "dont ask me stupid questions." you kind of cried from that harsh tone but dealt with it (www).

hes always keeping his distance. hes so focused on winning, he barely express genuine joy and rarely smiles. but its not like he wants to. he wants to prove himself the best of the best, after what had happened with his big brother. hes terrified of being betrayed again. he cant just let people walk into his life, just to be betrayed.

he will never allow himself to feel good enough. every failure and loss of his will only increase his self-loathing. he pushes himself, pass his limit, to the point hes at the passing out point. but he must do what he must, hell never rest. you know his excessive training? he thinks for not being strong enough hell punish himself with it. thats why hes so well built.

hell never waste time, meaning he runs to little to no sleep. how could he when he has people to exceed. he must train harder than ever before, push his limits. when you question why he does that he gives you an annoyed glance. (makes you cry on the inside) "only the weak rest. i dont have time for that."

he cant ever forget that night. how could he? its a wound hes not able to stich up. rin hates sae, but on the look of his eyes, he yearns for saes validation. it only fuels when he praised isagi. shattering rins heart. he cant stand it anymore.

no matter how much he can do, hell never be better than sae, he never feels enough. he thinks the reason why sae is gone is because hes too weak, it hurts, it really fucking does.

though rin was a difficult patient to get a hold of, you never had the thought to give up, everyone has their breaking point, even for someone like rin. youd be so patient with him, even if it felt like everyday was a failure to try to get him to open up.

rin hates how persistent you are. he hates being vulnerable towards others. but you never shut up do you? why cant you just give up. but this feels all too familiar. still persistent yet no where close to the main goal. he can only punch the wall, leaving a hole in the room hes assigned in.

you think the most effective way to help him was to challenge his toxic thought patterns by questions. "if you think losing makes you worthless, why do people respect those who lose but improve?"

rin can only halt for a moment and rethink his harsh self judgement. he tries something to counter it, but nothing comes to mind at first.

rin never directly told you, but you can imply someone important has either left him or betrayed him of some sort. was a friend? girlfriend? parental figure of some sort? youre not sure.

"who is this person you wish to surpass? i noticed you tend to say "i will destroy him." you had hope this could maybe expose his intentions? but rin only scoff.

"that man...i swear ill destroy him hell regret everything he said to me that night.!" he raised his voice. honestly you dont know who else can it be.

"is it perhaps your older brother, itoshi sae?" and his ears perked up. you notice his change of behavior. guessing it was him. "why did sae leave you?"

"theres nothing to talk about."

"then...just hearing his name, why does it make you angry? if he didnt matter, you wouldnt care." and rin cant even run away from his feelings. he knew he had to confront them sooner or later.

rin only knows how to push himself, he doesnt have any healthy coping mechanisms. poor boy. rin would sometimes refuse to talk to you, only resulting to telling to him to write down his feelings to realize whats going on and see that hes actually harming himself.

as he writes his feelings down, he starts to read aloud what he writes to you and your heart lights up, youre so happy hes able to warm up to you even after a whopping of two weeks. once you validate his feelings, he finally learns...maybe allowing being able to express himself doesn't make him feel weak.

though you did need to help his other unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as not getting enough sleep and punishing himself for being so "weak". youd give him advice to try an improve those coping methods. "if youre trying to improve yourself please dont push yourself. you need to recover too. you need to take care of yourself okay? in order to beat sae." at least to match up with his goals to motivate him to change his unhealthy ways.

rin generally thought of you just as a doctor who has to tolerate with his issues. hes emotionally distant and refuse to acknowledge any pain or feelings. but just seeing your ways of helping him puts him in a sense of comfort.

youre always calm and non-judgmental, someting rin isnt used to, due to the environment hes in and because of his brother. with you around he feels like he can slowly open up. not fully but just...slowly.

the more he talks about sae, the more he expresses his struggles. throughout his whole life he was incapable of expressing himself, but with you around, you create that space for him to open himself more.

the more and more he talks, he doesnt even realize it himself. he just lets himself go, is it because youre here? he feels like time goes by fast when hes with you. he finds...comfort within you.

as your job, youre always here to remind him to care for himself, something he heavily struggles with. whenever he seems to be so stressed out, you give him the upmost attention which rin doesnt realize he likes when youre showing your concern for him. at first he feels its weird when he receives your comfort, but he lets down his guard with you within time.

sometimes when he realizes hes becoming too close to you, he wants to push you away. well he does. when youre trying to pry his feelings out, he just makes excuses to end the session early, or just refuse to talk to you.

even with his refusal you dont give up on him, which is what he hates. whenever you keep up at it, he feels sting at his chest. he cant even describe what he feels. was this a bad feeling? good? scared? he cant get a hold of it.

its subtle but he does show he cares for you too. he would notice the eyebags under your eyes and the way you would slur your words a bit in sessions. hed only get a bit ticked off, "stop pushing yourself so hard. its annoying seeing you like this." honestly its so unexpected of him, but you just figured hed want a more professional doctor instead of a tired one.

sometimes when he does catch on with what he does, he tries to distance himself, skipping sessions to see if the feeling will go away. but it only worsens and lingers, he wants--no, needs to see you.

at a session, he does seem to be uncooperative, not like its anything new, but you do see that somethings been on his mind. you wonder what could it be. "everything alright rin? you seem to be on edge today. whats bothering you?" you cross your legs tapping on your clipboard.

rin can only scoff with his jaw clenched. just seeing you made him even more frustrated. "obviously. you." you halt your movements in confusion, oh no did you do something wrong as his doctor?

"me? im sorry can you recall what you dislike?" you leaned back on your chair in anticipation of his response. "i hate it. its confusing. i dont get why i always think of you. why i feel like i cant stand being here, but also the idea of not coming back. i dont know anymore. everytime i leave this room, its like i leave something behind. and i dont want to go." clenching his fist as his gaze falls to the floor.

you think hes just expressing his frustration, only until his words hit you cold. "its more than that. I-" you cut him off. you already knew what was to come. "rin please. i care about you, but i cant be that person for you. i am only here to better your wellbeing."

he didnt like that answer. it only fueled his anger in fact. slamming the table in front of him before angrily scurrying off. "rin!" you called out to him, but hes already left your office. you can only sigh frustratingly before continuing to note down some information.

its late at night. and your up in your office, just up to finish some work for the other 10 patients you need to tend to....its such hard work! only until someone opened your door and it was so unexpected you jumped. but its only rin, and you sighed. "rin? your session was over hours ago."

he can only click his tongue before walking up to your desk. "i needed to talk." he says with his stoic face. "you know its late, i cant make exceptions." now standing in front of your desk, the only light that emitted was from the door, and the white from the computer screen. "you do it for other patients." he shifts his gaze to the side.

"rin, if its about that-i care about you as my patient, but thats all there is to it." "i know." you frown, you hated confronting your patients, it always felt so mean but you had to! "then why are you still here?" rin can only clench his fist. "because i dont believe you."

his eyes flickered with determination and desperation as he grits his teeth. "if you didnt feel the same, you wouldnt care this much. i know it. i know you can feel it too, dont you?" he really did try to make you admit you did have feelings for him. you dont even know what to do anymore! "you treat me different than others."

"i treat my all my patients equally."

"liar. you hesitate when you look at me. you dont do that with others! i know how you look at me." he kept eye contact with you, slowly walking to your figure.

"Rin-"

"youre scared how i make you feel." he interrupted. "you think you know how i feel. but i know exactly what it is." his arm would reach out to caress your cheek, but you grip is wrist. his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

"rin, i care about you a lot than you think, but not in the way you want me to!" but he could only swat your hand away before taking hold of your cheeks, as he forces you to stare at his teal eyes.

"liar. i know you feel it. the connection we have. its stronger than any other patient you have." he closes in. you turn to face the other direction, avoiding his ways with you.

"stop refusing me already! look at me." he whispered to you, in a calmer tone to convince you. but his patient wears thin. he was always impatient. "i said look at me!" forcing you to look at his eyes. fear in your eyes, youre scared he might hurt you at this point.

"thats a better look for you." eyeing your lips, he feels some sort of excitement, that flow. your lips quivered, but its okay, rin will comfort you now, its to repay you back for everything youve done for him.

he leans in kissing you. his knee rested in between the negative spot in the chair, as his arms rests on the sides.

"see..? this kiss proves our connection."

patient #5: mikage reo.

from the mikage corp, reo mikage. for such a once bright person hes so gloomy and unmotivated now. hes always talking about your other patient named nagi seishiro. was there some sort of conflict between the two? the way he talks about him leaving, it seems like he has dependent personality disorder.

reos entire motivation for football intiailly revolved around nagi it seems. he always believed they could achieve such greatness together and that nagi was his treasure. he fixates a lot on their relationship and uses that to define his own worth.

but thats when his whole world shattered when he left him for isagi. really, was he not good enough in nagis eyes to partner up with him? he struggles to cope after that whole event. hes not confident in his ability alone, and refers himself nagis partner only, not as a person himself.

you know how he lost to isagi and nagi? and when nagi didnt choose him? he panics so much when nagi chooses to move on without him. he feels lost and betrayed. why didnt he choose him? the way he pleaded nagi just shows the fear of him being left behind. he doesnt want to succeed by himself, he wants--no...needs to do it with someone by his side.

observing reo more, he seems more of a follower than a leader himself. always relying on nagi rather than himself as a striker while lacking the self confidence without his partner. he feels as if hes not enough on his own. showing that part of his dependency needs.

he feels distressed when he thinks nagi will leave him behind and abandon him. he doesnt know how, but he just wants to keep nagi close to him. he was always perfect with everything, but he cant even keep his relationship perfect with nagi.

he needs nagis guidance in order to succeed, whenever out in the field, he looks for nagi for confirmation or approval of some sort. showing that lack of confidence in his own judgement.

he does have goals of his own, but he buts his own needs behind nagis. he finds nagis well being more important than his, he sacrifices his needs to make sure nagi feels secure, even neglecting his own desires. he lets nagi take control of situations because hes scared getting into conflict with nagi :(

taking all of this, you figured why not focus on increasing his self-confidence and help with emotional stability! though you did know this would be a difficult challenge as a lot of people struggle with that.

his biggest issue would be his worth and purpose to other people, which in this case was nagi...you would help work on building a sense of self outside of relationships! you would try to make reo aware of his dependency on others and talk about his own strengths when playing football, or just any personal achievements since he was good at anything.

you encourage him to make decisions alone! you start off small though, since nagi isnt there to decide for him, you think it will help build that individualism. you ask for what kind of meal would he like to eat, not what nagi would want. and then youd start with what would he want to do after he has won the world cup. something along the lines of that!

you do take note on what he told you how he felt during nagis "betrayal", you do believe he has a fear of abandonment. so you would try to suggest and develop coping mechanisms for him! you would try to prove to himself he can handle it, control is emotions, and communicate his needs without fear!

you teach him to set boundaries, so he isnt so dependent on one person or fixate on it. but you feel like you just made it worse.

hes never received such emotional support for his feelings, he thinks the way you treat him like hes so delicate makes him feels such things. youre one of the first people to listen to him, guide him, and see him more than just the mikage kid from a rich family who can do anything. but you see the side where hes most vulnerable.

he feels less alone venting his emotions to you, he develops that attachment. somewhere close where nagi lies.

he loves your reassurance that you give when he tries to work on his independency. but its not like you do that to make him rely on you, you just want him to be more confident in his healing progress! "Reo, you can do this, you dont need anyone to be strong." youd flash that sweet smile of yours and he gives you a soft look. "you really think so..?"

the more time you guys connect, the more he just sees you more that go beyond that patient-doctor bond. he admires the way you talk, the way you comfort him, and your sweet smile. hed always be in a trance when you speak because your voice is so soft, sometimes he doesnt even realize you asked him a questioned and youd have to shake him to come back to reality.

"reo? you okay?" you raised your eyebrow in confusion and concern. but hed only be startled, avoiding your gaze. "y-yes...just thinking." hed cover his mouth with his hand with such a flushed face. just from that moment, hes not just attached, but in love.

but hed always tried to reject that possibility. no no, hes not in love, he just really appreciate you for trying your best to help him...yeah thats it. he justifies his feeling as you just doing your job and you help him a lot. like when hed want to talk to you more often than scheduled sessions...or when youre so kind to him. sure everyones been super friendly with him, but you were just so different from others.

finishing up your session you click your pen and settle down your clipboard. "reo, youre making such great progress! you should be proud of yourself!" you clasped your hand together with that cheery face of yours. reo really didnt care about feeling better anymore. he just wanted to be with you at all times. sometimes he might even slip up to make his feelings for you obvious, but your naive self just take it as him still in the healing process.

he wouldnt want to try and make it obvious, but how could he make it known that he did love you? ah, thats right. money! hes rich, he can basically use that as a way to win your affection, its worked on others, itll work on you too.

at first hed test the waters, buying you such expensive gifts that not even you can afford or would even have thought of buying. designer clothes, watches, or some sort of vacation, telling you that you deserve a break from your hard work. (the trip will just be you and him www).

hell donate to the clinic, he tells your family members to keep it a secret from you because he doesnt want you to know hes funding your workplace, youd probably just try to refuse the money, but he just wants to make your life easier! and by that...he also wants to help with any bills you have under your name or debts you need to pay off like medical school.

he thinks its his way of showing his newfound "love" to you. everybody loves money dont they? its perfect. whenever hed suggest giving you an abundance of money, you just refuse, shaking your head.

"reo, i cant accept this," youd frown while crossing your arms.

hed get nervous from the way you react, why are you rejecting his money? no one ever has. "just let me do something nice for you. its a way of repaying back." hed laughed it off, but hes so scared you might catch on. whenever you reject his gifts, he gets so frustrated. he thinks even his money isnt enough for you. or was he, himself whole wasnt enough?

if you werent going to tend to his advances, he might as well just...say it to you right? hed gaslight himself into thinking maybe you wanted him to directly say it, maybe thats why you refused to take anything from him.

"alright reo, thank you for your time today! im glad to see you almost in shape and youll back to blue lock!" seeing you stand up from your chair, hed take hold of your wrist, not budging.

"[n-name]...i know this is very sudden. but." he stopped in his tracks, standing up looking down at your figure before taking both of your hands in his. hed inhale a breath before making eye contact with you again.

"i see you more as my doctor [name]. you make me feel like i could be the person i truly want to be..." hed caress your hands with his thumb. he thinks he just made it worse for the both of you. the silence is heavy as you stare at him in disbelief.

"im glad i can provide that space for you reo, but you cannot do this, nor can i accept any of the gifts you give me." reo can only frown, his desperation clearly showing.

"why? because im just a patient to your eyes? i can be more than that. you can quit your job and ill provide the money for you. you and your family!" he tightens his hold on you and his look is pleading. but you can only shake your head in refusal. "i must remain professional reo."

after that confession reo would pretend like hes fine, but thats because he was embarrassed and sadden. but its not like hed give up, he just wanted to give off the impression that he didnt care, but he did.

"to think someone could reject me, its refreshing." hed smile it off but you can only sigh, it just seems like hes trying to remind you of that.

he thinks to himself that if expensive gifts wont work on you, hed switch to personalized ones. like a favorite show you mentioned, he would buy merch and give it to you. or if you mentioned a book you wanted to read but never had the time to go buy it, hed buy it for you alright.

hed try to make it hard for you to completely cut him off by just spending an abundance amount on the funds, donations or buying out your workplace...

hes always offering to help, but even when you did refuse hed just play it off as being generous, but really he just doesnt want to give up on you.

he resorts to more desperate measures without even realizing it. "youre the only person who sees who i really am. if you leave too...whats left of me..?" hed caress your hand with his thumbs. lifting the hand to give a sweet gentle kiss to it.

"reo, you have to learn how-" he cuts you off, pulling you in to take hold of your waist.

"why do you fight so much? you care about me, i know you do!" your hands lay on his chest to try and push him off, but he wouldnt budge even a bit! "not in the way you want me to reo. youre my patient." hed stay silent for a bit, biting his lips from your response until blood was drawn. only to let out a bitter laugh.

"so im just another patient for you? just another worthless being you have to fix?!" hed squeeze you tighter, until your bodies connected. "youre not worthless reo. and youre important to me, but it isnt right to do this." youd frown hoping he can finally understand the situation hes in right now.

"then why does it feel like youre the only thing keeping me together..?" hed rest his forehead on your shoulder with his voice cracking. "please. just let me love you. youre my treasure."

this took forever to write and think out i hope it is okay to you guys! since it is not smut i feel like it will flop ( ‾́ ◡ ‾́ )

[falseficus]

if i may play the devil's advocate for a moment -- it doesn't really bother me that most of the fan posting around disco elysium on this site is more focused on the emotional aspects of the game than the political ones. i mean, firstly, it's well-acknowledged that fanworks tend to fill the gaps of unexplored potential in the original work -- ie, envisioning darkness in lighthearted works, re-imagining dark works as lighthearted. a lot of the emotional or relational aspects of disco elysium are left ambiguous, abstract, or at the very least dependent upon player choice and interpretation. this renders them fertile ground for speculative art. by contrast, the game's political statements are, if you have the context to analyze them well, complete. there simply isn't much more to say.

beyond that, those political aspects are also leagues ahead of many other pieces of media in terms of their complexity, nuance, and real-world analysis. that's part of what makes the game so great, and i do think may fans understand that. but, to be honest, being capable of engaging with those aspects of the game (just glance at reddit, and you'll see that many fans don't even reach that level) does not mean that fans are capable of generating that level of work themselves. like, it's simply more mental work to come up with a piece of creative art/writing that expands upon the superb worldbuilding and commentary of DE than it is to write about harry and kim getting goopy nasty. people know how to do the latter because it is a commonly exercised muscle of fandom. the former is almost academic.

that doesn't mean people *shouldn't* engage with the political aspects of the game generatively/creatively. but also... like... maybe it's better this way. seriously, look at reddit, guys. the DE subreddit is full of people *attempting* to engage with the game politically, and the analysis they're putting out is hot steaming dookie. i lose brain cells every time im forced to read another take that earnestly assumes the game positions moralism as the Right and Good Choice for Revachol. on tumblr, analysis is generative, practiced through art/fanfiction... and if i had to see the type of shit i see on reddit on tumblr in the form of fanart, id kill us all.

so anyway, i dont think the fanwork hyperfocus on relationships/emotion indicates that people aren't properly understanding the political points of the game, but simply that those points are much harder for fans to process in a generative way. their underrepresentation in fanwork doesnt particularly indicate anything about the way people are actually receiving and understanding the themes of the game.

except for the people inexplicably clogging the tag with jean viquemare. they do not understand the game and will not see the light of heaven

[mamayura]

Adrien not knowing what he wants

Hot take about Werepapas, I guess:

I actually like that Adrien said "I don't know" when asked what he wants/ who he wants to go with at the end of "Werepapas"

Cause the people who had to learn and come around in this episode's conflict were the ADULTS, not Adrien.

Adrien has already said that he isn't alone, he's living with Nathalie,

and Milly, too, acknowledged right away that Adrien has known her for most of his life so for Adrien she should count as more much than just an employee by now.

And he has not been trying to hide it whatsoever from Nathalie how much she means to him and that he wants to keep living with her. Literally the first thing we see in the episode's present time is Adrien running to Nathalie for comfort when hes crying over his dead mom, but she's pulling back so he does too eventually.

Marinette as pretty much unrelated main character doesnt know about this when she enters the conflict. Hence why she can effectively bring about development in Nathalie by challenging her long-established mind set and dynamic with Adrien due to Marinette's perspective adding a new angle and shacking things up:

Nathalie's inner conflict is one of my favourite things about the episode (and needs its own post if I get around to it), but for the context of this post, yes, she was the one who needed to come around. Not Adrien. He was already there from the get-go as we can see by him repeating the hug he started the episode with. Just now, Nathalie hugged back:

It was nice seeing Marinette help Nathalie take on her role in the end because Nathalie did the same thing Marinette did in Illustrhater for example. Acting like and saying things that eventually made Adrien accept that they don't want to be with him because, duh, that's now interactions work.

That's why he initially didn't say that he wants to stay with Nathalie in Paris when asked in the end. Nathalie too made him feel like he has to accept that that won't be an option, so he knew he had to decide between his grandparents:

The same Grandparents who had to come around in the end, too, and allow for Adrien to stay with Nathalie in Paris, even though both pairs of Grandparents are still the ones to officially hold the legal custody of Adrien (which I'm glad about that they did it like this and didn't bullshit some reason for Nathalie to get custody cause the episode is right, Nathalie has NO right to Adrien's custody whatsoever. They went with a very reasonable way to resolve this)

Its the ADULTS who had to come around. Not Adrien. Adrien already made it clear all episode what he wanted. But because all involved adults declared the outcome he wanted as a non-option, well, he honestly says that he doesn't know what else he wants (who he wants to go with).

And I- I just really like that Adrien was taking the situation serious enough to say "I don't know". That was very mature of him. To not just go with SOMETHING or go on about how unfair the situation is. Cause it definitely was, but this is a very serious legal matter that COULDN'T stay unresolved. He's an orphaned minor currently living alone with a person who's said to neither be an option as his guardian nor does she herself treat it like an option. This day COULDN'T end without at least some kind of temporary solution where he would stay now. It just couldn't.

I LIKE that he didn't repeat his denied desire that was already known to everyone around and instead seriously thought about the options he had.

I like that he loves and respects Nathalie enough to be the one person amongst Emilie, Gabriel, and now Marinette, too, who left the decision to HER if she wants to take on the position of his new mother:

As much as he wants to be with her, Adrien was characterized to understand that this is a massive thing to ask of Nathalie. He knows he means alot to her too but Nathalie was, by all accounts, objectively forced into this:

But especially by Emilie (look, I know she was literally dying slowly and painfully, I'm not judging her for wanting Adrien to be loved and taken care of. But I gotta ackowlegde that Emilie put alot on Nathalie without giving her a choice first):

In that regard I can't fault Nathalie for not having acted on her motherly feelings for Adrien and Emilie's last wish earlier than s5 (but God DAMN Nathalie, there is a difference between not doing it and actively making everything so much fucking worse!).

Adrien is the one person in this who respected how much was asked of Nathalie, so when she continuously acted like she didn't wanted to take on the role, he respected that. But this also means that the person who's responsible for Adrien coming to this "wrong" conclusion was Nathalie. Not Adrien. He's only acting accordingly to her actions and words:

So I like that Marinette got to help her in the end, because this is passive development that's very relevant to Marinette's character too. Even if I wished the show would hold Marinette to the same standards since both in Adrinette and especially Ladynoir Adrien gets mostly blamed for coming to the logical conclusions that Maribug doesn't like him or being with him in any way doesn't mean much to her because that's how she constantly acts like in almost every conflict ever. Over and over again. So I like that it was done properly this time around even if it's obvious that that was only possible because it was Nathalie and not Marinette.

And yes, I totally get not liking that Marinette is taking over the whole moment again. I'm not much of a fan of it either, to put it nicely. But it is wrong to say that Marinette is the one making the decision here and Adrien had no agency in deciding who he's staying with. Marinette is merely repeating old news she knows are true because that's what Adrien has been saying and acting like the whole episode and even already since season 5.

The decision was long made by Adrien. It were the adults who had to come around.

And beyond that,

I LIKE that Adrien said "I don't know" to the question which grandparents he wants to go with instead of the show having him make it all about his friends, girlfriend, or Ladybug. He only brings that up when he gets to stay:

Cause the question of where he would feel more at home and what is best for his future, when he has to completely start anew, is not just about his current friends, girlfriend, or his secret hero partner (who has made every precaution and decision possible to not actually have or need him in her life and job and he was made to accept that fully because that's her "rightful professionalism" same as killing your bf Ig)

I like that it was "I don't know" instead of "but my friends!", "but my girlfriend!", or "but I can't leave!".

Adrien saying "I don't know" means he thought of himself first and foremost and not everyone else:

I even like that "I don't know" means that he took the Graham de Vanilys into consideration despite how awful Emil was. Cause when the outcome Adrien WANTED (keeping his life in Paris by living with Nathalie) isn't an option, then he's perfectly in his right to not write off the possibilities he has with the Graham de Vanilys in London (and good heavens, I'm glad nothing ever brought up "but Chloé is in London! YIKES!").

I like that Adrien didnt write anything off when the decision was possibly about to change his whole future. Yes, saying "I dont know what I want" is a perfectly valid and even mature answer for a 14 year old orphan to give when they were JUST this day confronted with this situation that denied him the option he actually wanted:

And I also like that Marinette in the end didn't wasnt made to make Adrien's answer about herself in an usual moment of panic (in general, I truly LOVED how supportive Marinette was in Werepapas, even if the akuma battle incident is forever burnt in my love square heart in a very negative way. Yes, I think being willing to kill your boyfriend without trying any other solution first is bad, sue me ig. if that's what I'll be judged for, then I can live with it).

It is a far cry from Marinette in Representation for example being mostly written to make not getting to have her boyfriend near her out to be the biggest tragedy of Adrien being send to another country for good. I'm glad she got to be the supportive girlfriend for once instead of the show forcibly trying to falsely make her out to be the most important person affected by Adrien's tragic life. It was so refreshing and wonderful to watch Marinette getting to be in the lovingly supporting role of the relationship for a change, and it does WONDERS for her characterization.

While, of course, Marinette was motivated all episode to help Adrien not having to leave, when Adrien said "I don't know" Marinette knew that he's only taking the other options this seriously now because he can't have the option he actually wants.

She wasn't written to go into panic mode the second she heard Adrien NOT saying that staying in Paris is the most important thing on his mind. She knew the problem was laying elsewhere, even if I wished she hadnt made it abuut the Grandparents, but Adrien's right to CHOOSE (and yes, I'm fully aware that people will write this whole post off as salt because I didnt ignore or handwave away Marinette's consistent CANON characterization, even though that's not how salt works. I stand to what I said. More of Marinette as supportive girlfriend please, then we wouldnt have these problems)

I don't know how to end this with a nice little bow to wrap it up. I just REALLY like that Adrien said "I don't know", and how the episode treated the custody conflict for 95% of the plot which is very good for Miraculous.

[vxsellie]

Idk If you have Already Heard Dirty little secret- Nessa Barrett. But do It. Okay, Reader used to have a little crush on Ellie but all she want is a little secret, something that nobody have to know. She doesnt like Reader( she thinks) but tables turn, and Reader just like her attention when she's bored

(Sry bad english) Think of It pls.

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. - E.W

summary. kissing in shadowed corners, sneaking out backdoors, touching in private; that was your relationship with ellie ⎯ a dirty little secret. and that's how you intended on keeping it. though, unbeknownst to you, she was fantasizing about something more permanent. notes. ok so first & foremost, i'm so so so sorry it took so long for me to write this, i have NOT been on my a game lately i fear. i put this in hc format so i'd be able to touch on a longer timeframe rather than having to fit a ton of context into a one shot, hope you don't mind!! also, i actually hadn't heard this song before, so TYSM for introducing me to it! i've been listening on repeattttt,, anyway! hope u like this! also!!! if you read in dark mode, you'll see that ellie's dialogue is in black. but if you read in light mode, it'll just look bold. i advise reading in dark mode or else it'll look a bit wonky, but if you don't i promise you'll still be able to see the difference! warnings. none of the smut is in meticulous detail, but i'll be putting warnings here nonetheless. subtop!ellie x dombottom!reader ; mentions of alcohol & brief desc of drunk sex. oral (r! receiving). head in a bathroom stall (yes we're desperate like that). grinding/ thigh riding.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆the relationship you have with ellie is a rather complex one.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆a few years prior to your acquaintance, you had the most piteous crush on her. you'd see her from afar and yearn for her to look in your direction. you see now how absolutely pathetic it had been.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆inevitably, the crush abated. however, it'd done so just in time for her to return your ardor. and so, by the time ellie actually took notice of you and began to reciprocate, you were over her. you were sick of putting so much effort into a girl who couldn't give a single shit about you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆but, as it turned out, ellie was far more direct than you. while you spent months just staring at her from a distance, it'd only taken a few weeks of doting before she approached you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you had to give her credit, though, seeing as she had more aplomb than you could ever dream of.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆however, it is important to note that, when she spoken to you, you'd both been absolutely wasted at a college party ⎯ so that likely had a colossal part to play in her confidence that night.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she came up to you when you were alone, a weary smile on her face. her cheeks were rosy from alcohol, her auburn hair a bit tousled. in your own drunken state of inebriety, you couldn't fathom why you'd ever stopped liking her. she was stunning.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆long story short, she only got a few flirty sentences out before you were directing her upstairs.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆altering making sure to lock the door, you'd set your red solo cup onto a nearby bookshelf before turning to face her with alluringly lustful eyes. her heart was pounding, absolutely entranced by you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆in an instant, you were on her. her hands roamed your body as you kissed down her neck, slowly pushing her back until she fell onto the bed.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you straddled her waist, taking no time to tug her shirt over her head. she aided you, pulling it off in one swift motion. you hardly cared for the dramatics though, far more interested in getting your hands on her.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆it was a bit awkward at first, the two of you barely knowing one another and not exactly sure on how the other wished to be touched. but you got the hang on it rather quickly.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆that night was spent with drunken laughter in your chests, bare skin touching preliminarily, and the knowing it'd all be a hazy memory come morning.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆afterward, you'd simply slid your clothes back on and returned to the party. ellie was a bit shocked by this, but said nothing. she wasn't in any place to judge.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆her gaze landed on your abandoned red plastic cup on the shelf. she picked it up, intending to use it as a way to spark conversation with you. your lipstick stained the rim, her breath catching at the sight as she recalled the way those same lips felt on her body only a few moments ago.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆with a shake of her head, ellie turned on her heel and began downstairs. though, unfortunately, she was unable to find you for the rest of the night. it was like you'd simply disappeared int thin air. it was maddening, but simultaneously was it captivating.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆the following day, she'd seen you around campus a few times. but you didn't seem to notice her in return. you'd either be walking with your friends, your laughter ringing in her ears like a melody; or you'd be by yourself, speed walking as you were dangerously close to being late to your next lesson.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆in short, she was rather disappointed that she hadn't been able to talk to you. however, in all honestly, she wasn't quite sure what she'd say.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆that didn't last long, though.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆a few weeks later, she managed to catch you in the halls ⎯ albeit accidentally. in a weird twist of fate, you'd bumped into each other while rounding a corner. her face instantly lit up when she saw who it was that she knocked into. you, on the other hand, appeared rather irritated, your drink having spilt down the front of your white shirt.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆ellie apologized over and over, insisting on helping you dry off. you wanted to deny her, but she grabbed you by the wrist and tugged you into the girls' bathroom without waiting for your response.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you looked at your reflection and cursed under your breath as you saw the deep brown stain on your top. welp, your mood was now ruined for the rest of the day.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you pulled your shirt over your head, now standing in only your bra as you held the top in front of you to examine. the stain appeared to not be too bad, likely able to come out in a few washes. at that thought, relief engulfed you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆ellie's face instantly felt hot when you took off your shirt, her eyes averting elsewhere.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"you're acting like you haven't already seen me naked." you said with an amused smirk, leaning over the sink to wash the fabric of your shirt. as you did, she couldn't help the way her eyes were drawn to your cleavage as you bent over. her heart hammered in her chest, face now painfully red.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she stood in place awkwardly for a few minutes before you rolled your eyes and beckoned her over, reminding her that she's the one who dragged you in here and that she'd claimed to help you clean it.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆ellie walked over to you, the proximity causing her stomach to churn.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆her shoulder brushed yours and her mind raced with recollections of how your body felt against hers. she suddenly felt her stomach tightening with the need to be closer.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆now, you weren't a fool. you could tell ellie was turned on. she wasn't exactly slick about it either, her eyes on your tits as you scrubbed the shirt and occasionally on your ass when you bent over. but you weren't about to give her what she wanted simply because she wanted it. no, that'd be self deprecating considering how long you spent chasing after her. it was time for ellie williams to be the one yearning.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆so instead, you continued to innocently clean your shirt, using the floral scented soap to wash it. you'd position yourself over the sink in a way you knew she'd be thirsting over ⎯ back subtly arched, breasts pushed together slightly in the mirror. yeah. she was going fucking crazy, to say the very least.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆it eventually became too much and she found herself tracing the tips of her fingers along your forearm. how she got the confidence to even touch you is beyond her. but it worked in her favor.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆because fast forward a mere five minutes and you were both in a random stall, shirt left abandoned in the sink.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you were standing with your back against the stall door, ellie on her knees before you. her tongue worked magic against your pussy as she ate you like she'd been starved her whole life.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you braced your hands on either side of the stall, using the walls to hold yourself up as you grew closer and closer to an orgasm.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆ellie's eyes were shut as she focused solely on pleasing you, mouth making out sultrily with your clit.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆when you came, it was a mess. all over her face and neck as your knees nearly collapsed under your weight. ellie hardly minded. honestly, if anything, the taste of you only made her want to do it again. and again. and again.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆needless to say, she was hooked on you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆and you quite liked the way she treated you, uncaring for her own pleasure as she was content with just watching you come undone. the sight of your rapture was enough to please her, in turn.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆and so. this became a habit.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you'd be walking through the school halls when someone would grab you by the wrist and pull you into a random janitor's closet. you wouldn't even need light to tell who it was, the feel of her hands familiar enough for you to already begin stripping.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆alternatively, she'd be washing her hands when you'd grab the back of her shirt and pull her into a random stall. or eating lunch when you'd give her a look from across the cafeteria that'd wordlessly tell her to meet you in the bathroom.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆regardless of how it's initiated or who pulls who, the two of you always ended up in some lowlight place with your hands on the other. you enjoyed the attention she gave you, seeking her out when bored or in need something to relieve stress.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆though, for ellie, she did this because she genuinely liked you. she wanted to feel your skin on hers. she wanted to hear those pretty noises you made when you were trying to stay quiet. she wanted to be near you. all the time.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆but she knew you didn't feel the same.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆eventually, after a few months of making out in random places of solitude, ellie said something that shocked you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you were zipping your jeans and flattening your hair in an empty classroom, situating yourself to erase any evidence of what you two had been doing. then you noticed ellie appeared a bit disheveled. like, more than normal. she was fiddling with her fingers, cheeks still rosy.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you sighed, telling her to just say whatever she was thinking. and so she did.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"i was thinking... well, we've been doing this for a while now and-" she frowned, frustrated by her own inability to speak around you. even after so long of fucking you, she couldn't seem to actually hold a conversation without stammering. "um, well, wouldn't you prefer to do it somewhere nicer? like- i dunno, my place? ...i have a dorm on campus. we can-"

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"ellie." you interrupted, pinching the bridge of your nose with a sigh. her ears instantly perked at the sound of her name on your tongue, something you so rarely uttered that she couldn't help the way she yearned to hear it again. "this isn't permanent, you know that right? i'd love to come over to sleep with you, but don't expect anything more. and i'm sorry if that comes off bitchy, but i don't want you getting the wrong impression here."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"yeah yeah, of course not." she scoffed, feigning indifference. "i don't want anything more either. just sex. that's what i was implying too."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you weren't sure how much you actually believed that. but you said nothing, not wanting to ruin whatever you two had going on. if ellie did like you more than she let on, you supposed you'd have to just turn a blind eye if you wished to continue your current relationship.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆that night, you arrived at her dorm with a light knock to the door.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆ellie had been stressing all day since your conversation. you told her that what you two had was nothing more than secretive fucking, but she couldn't help the way she wished that weren't true. she oftentimes found herself thinking of you during lessons, unable to focus on the professor's words. she was even failing a few subjects due to that.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she wanted to clean her dorm before you came over, but she was scared you'd be able to tell and would reprimand her for going out of her way.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆in the end, she decided to tidy it up only a little bit, picking up her clothes that'd been strewn across her floor. and then hiding her journal that was filled with doodles of your nude body.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆by the time you knocked on the door, she was nothing more than a bundle of nerves. her breathing was shaky as she moved to open the door and let you in. the moment she did, her breath hitched.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you were dressed casually, wearing something you'd likely be found sleeping in. your hair was wet, signifying that you'd just showered. she'd never seen you in with a domestic emanation ⎯ priorly having only seen you dressed up; whether that be in a skin-tight dress (the party) or the nice outfits you'd wear around campus. but something about this was different. like a new level of intimacy was just drawn.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you noticed her staring and narrowed your eyes at her. "don't you look at me like that." "like what?" "like this is real."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she nodded, not trusting herself to speak, stepping aside to let you into her dorm. you looked around. two beds were situated on either side of the room, a messy desk wedged between them. you raised a brow, asking if she had a dorm mate and if you'd have to worry about them walking in on you. she instantly explained that her roommate, dina, hardly comes to the dorm anyway, much preferring to hang around her friends or in the library.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you seemed pleased by this, glad to know you won't be found out. a few minutes passed of small talk before the atmosphere shifted to what the two of you were most used to ⎯ lustful desperation.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆ellie locked the door before turning to see that you were already pulling your clothes off. she chuckled, nearing you as she removed her own.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you were there for hours, ellie unable to get enough of you. the sight of you in her bed, laid out like that. your damp hair unkempt, your body freshly cleaned and smelling of lavender and lilies. she just couldn't get herself away from you, pulled to your body like a fish on a hook.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆and you weren't about to complain considering she made you cum five times.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆when you two finally pulled away from each other, you didn't stay long afterward. you laid back in her bed, body slick with sweat as your bare chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. ellie laid beside you, eyes studying every inch of you she could get. she committed this moment to memory, never wanting to forget it.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆once you realized what she was doing, you huffed out a breath and shifted to pull your clothes back on. she watched you, unable to pull her gaze away. she wanted more. she wanted you in a way that nobody else got to have. but instead, she's left wondering if you're doing this with other people as well. she doesn't want to assume, and she'd never think lowly of you, but- well, she can't ask. you always shut her down when she asks personal things.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆and then, without another word, you grabbed your things and left, shutting the door softly behind you. though you made sure to peek your head out the door before exiting, making sure nobody saw you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆this, too, quickly became a habit.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you two definitely still had your usual rendezvous throughout the day. but when the sun set, you'd sometimes sneak to her dorm. ellie wouldn't know when you were coming, having to always keep her journal hidden in case you came knocking.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆as ellie lies you down in her bed night after night, she comes to realize that she likes this a lot. she kinda enjoys the way she doesn't know how you feel. your lives are kept private, separated so that nobody else on campus has a clue that you two even know each other.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆but she knows. and you know. and that's all she truly cares for. yes, she wants more. she wants to kiss you and mean it, she wants to pull you into her arms, she wants to laugh with you. but if this is all she gets, she's grateful.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆one day, a few months after your first visit to her dorm, the atmosphere felt off to you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you entered her dorm without knocking, that sense of unfamiliarity long having been abandoned. you walked in, seeing ellie laid back in her bed on her phone. she glanced up, heart instantly stuttering in her chest. you locked the door and walked toward her. you got onto the bed, crawling up the length of her body.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she tossed her phone aside, hands coming to your hips.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she slipped her hands under your shirt, caressing the skin of your stomach. you let out a soft sigh, reaching down to pull your shirt over your head. she stared at you, eyes pinned to your chest. you leaned down, kissing the column of her throat, leaving light bruises across her skin. she tipped her head back, her hands coming to cup your breasts.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you rolled your hips, grinding down on her as you sought out friction. she lifted her leg, thigh wedging between yours. you continued to hump her, your hands on her shoulders as you held yourself up.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she held you by your hips, fingers inching down toward your waistband. you didn't stop your movement, jolts of pleasure coursing through you as your clit rubbed against her jeans.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she slowly began to unbutton your pants. the ease of which she does it makes you a bit uneasy.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆see, when you two usually fucked, i was just lust and sex and nothing more than mere physical attraction. she normally tore your clothes off, needy and desperate. but she was taking her time today, eyes scanning your body as she undid your pants at a slow pace.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she'd done this a few times before, acting weirdly intimate with you. though, whenever you point it out, she's quick to put an end to it. you hope she does the same this time.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you paused, chest heaving as you shot her a look. she paused as well, looking up to meet your gaze.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"what're you doing?" "what do you mean?" "you're being all sensual again. we're not girlfriends, ellie, quit it."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she frowned, face contorting into a displeased expression that you'd never seen her wear before. well, it'd never been directed at you at least. she'd always been so patient with you. and yet.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆ "well fucking excuse me. y'know, sometimes i want to be treated like a person too, not just your goddamn fuck buddy. i have feelings."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"fuck buddy is what we agreed on." you pointed out, moving off of her lap. you sat across from her on the bed, glaring. "is it? because i don't remember being asked my opinion on all of this."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you scoffed, "okay what is your problem? why are you acting like this?"

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"am i not allowed to voice how i feel? you tell me what to feel all the fucking time, but as soon as i show an ounce of distaste, i'm the bad guy?" "i never said you're the bad guy. i'm just asking where all this is coming from. you've never spoken out about this until now."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"does it fucking matter where it's coming from? it's how i feel, you should respect-"

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she was interrupted by the sound of keys rattling the door. she cursed under her breath, pointing toward the closet. you hopped off the bed and hid yourself in the closet before shutting the door as softly as possible.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you watched through the cracks as a woman entered, black hair tied into a ponytail. she walked over to the desk between the beds and opened the left drawer. ellie spoke to her shortly, sounding impatient as she asked the woman what she was doing here. the woman laughed in ellie's face, reminding her that it's her dorm too. ellie scoffed, though it was clearly all playful. you remembered that ellie briefly mentioned the woman who stayed here with her. dina.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆the drawer dina was digging through had been piled with papers and books. she reached into the far back, grabbing a set of keys from it.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆dina gave ellie a quick farewell before turning on her heel and heading toward the door, casting a wink at the closet door you're hidden behind. though, before you had a moment to process what that meant, she was gone and ellie was opening the door to let you out.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you crossed your arms over your chest, looking at ellie expectantly.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she was allowed to have feeling; of course she was. but for her to keep them bundled up for almost a year, only to release them on a random fucking tuesday? that was the issue.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"i've had a horrible fucking day, alright? and i just⎯ for once, i wanted something more intimate from you than just fucking." "what could possibly be more intimate than fucking?" "not physical intimacy. i mean, like, emotional intimacy. shit that means something. was hoping you'd come over today, sure, but not because i wanted to just fuck you and leave. i wanted someone to talk to."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆you frowned, a sudden bile of guilt forming in your chest. you knew this was coming. you knew it from the moment you met ellie and saw the way she blushed when she approached you.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆but you weren't wanting a relationship at the time. you just wanted someone to fuck at some random party. and she was so good at it that you saw her and instantly wanted sex. just being near her turned you on. and it was only on a physical level. or so you thought.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆though, if you were being completely honest, you couldn't deny that you'd thought of becoming something more with her. you'd thought of her when trying to fall asleep; thought of her comforting you when you were upset; imagined kissing her more passionately, just wondering what it'd be like.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆but you'd been so tangled up in this lie that just imagining something more with ellie seems impossible. even if you know it could totally happen.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"okay." was all you said.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she raised a brow, confused by your short answer. "okay what?"

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"okay." you repeated. "we can try to be more than fuck buddies, as you call it."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆her brows shot up instantly, unable to process what you were saying. she blinked a few times, staring at you as she waited for you to laugh at her and say it was a joke. but you didn't. instead, you held her gaze and watched her with a heaviness she wasn't used to. like you were seeing her. yo were actually seeing her.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆"you're serious?" "oh, c'mon. i wouldn't lie about something like this. i'm not a fucking monster."

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆she instantly rushed forward, pulling you into a hug. you laughed, hugging her back. she peppered kisses across your face before finally landing one on your lips. it felt different, like this. ellie was right, you suppose, emotional intimacy was far better than mere physical attraction.

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆┆and, as it turned out, while there's a decent amount of dirtiness to ellie, there's nothing little nor secretive about her. so there goes your futile attempt at a dirty little secret, now made into something far more precious.

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 perm. taglist. @luvsturniolo @kasqnxx @xlovla @ilovewomenfr @zzombiegirl @elliessweetheart @shawangel @defnoteleonor @abbys-muscles

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 fic. taglist. @autisticintr0vert @crvcified-kinx @sleepydrr @mellifluousgirll @sapphicarribean @taylorswiftobsesser @satellitespinner @soodle-noup

[lexirosewrites]

Hello, I saw you only had one submission for tomorrow and so I have come with Thoughts that I have made just for this. It's Steddie but we're going to focus on Max for context and fluff; you CANNOT have O!Steve without considering his pups, okay??

Max, with all her Family Issues, doesn't always immediately believe that people care about her, at least as much as she cares about them??? And also, she's never going to SAY she cares. You kind of just have to Figure It Out through proximity and the rare times she is willing to imply she would not say no to your company or assistance.

As such, she knows O!Steve cares about her. He got hit in the head with a fucking plate for her (and the others, but it was Billy, so it was also very for her), not to mention the rest of the UD stuff with him protecting everyone. But she doesn't really know that A!Eddie cares about her like that?? It's not like she thinks Eddie doesn't like her, they talk and joke and he gives her rides to group events because they're neighbors, but there's a difference between "I don't mind this kid" and "i care about what happens this pup," you know? She's not offended, it's just a fact of life that not everyone is going to be particularly concerned with her.

Max used to show up randomly at Steve's to spend the night when home was a bit much, but then Eddie and Steve started dating. Steve would never ask her not to come over even if Eddie is there, and Eddie might not mind her presence sometimes, but she doesn't want to impose so she just deals with it and stays home.

Maybe one day she's out on her skateboard after Hellfire (she doesnt play, but she and El hang out in the vicinity and talk), and the weather turns bad super quick. Thunder, lightning, freezing cold, pouring rain, the works. She doesn't have any change to use a payphone, so she's like tucked under an awning that shields her from about 10% of the rain.

A car comes by after about half an hour, and she gets briefly blinded by the headlights, but then they're driving away. Except then they're not. The car did a super illegal U-turn and is parked on the sidewalk, and it's not a car, it's a van. It's Eddie's van, and he's jumping out of the driver's seat and running over. He's got his leather jacket on, but as soon as he's next to Max, he's taking it off and holding it out to block her from the rain.

They run back to the van, Max still wrapped in his jacket, and Eddie cranks up the heat and starts rambling about trying to find her while he starts driving. Max is like "?? Find me??? You saw me half an hour ago???? Weren't you going to your boyfriend's????" And Eddie looks at her like she's speaking in tongues and is like "yeah?? And then it started fucking pouring so I called your house to make sure you got home okay but no one picked up. I drove over to see if you were just asleep, but no one was at your trailer so I came looking. "

Max is like. Positive she's not processing this correctly. So she's like "you were at your boyfriend's house. And you stopped your date to call me. And when I didn't pick up, you left your date. To drive all the way home, in this weather. And then drove around to find me because I wasn't there." And Eddie's just like "yeah, that's about it"

And look, Max isn't just going to Announce that this sounds like absolute nonsense, because that's a bit too much vulnerability, but it's probably written on her face, because Eddie glances over and suddenly the van is full of Reassuring Protective Alpha scent. His tone is super light and chill (probably for her benefit) but he just goes "like it or not, Red, you're one of my pups now. I might have to share you with Stevie, because he'd fight me for sole custody in a heartbeat, but that just means you're ours. Now come on, you haven't been home in ages and Stevie missed you."

Max just kind of looks at him confused, but then she looks out the windshield and they're at Steve's house, and Steve is already throwing open the door looking super relieved and he runs over with like a huge umbrella and holds it over Max specifically while he gets her inside, and he fusses over her and she allows it (just this once) and then she takes a shower to warm up and when she gets out there's a pair of Steve's shorts and Eddie's shirt waiting for her to put on while her stuff dries and their scents are super nice together and they smell like Home and Pack. Then they all drink hot chocolate and watch a movie and Max stays the night and never worries about coming over again.

The End and whatnot

-irrelevantbutembarrassing

🥲🥲🥲 she’s their pup

[akascow]

UGHHH the way viktor was afraid of people forgetting his accomplishments and how his memory will be short lived only for it to ACTUALLY HAPPEN is SO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING

because he was never included in the hextech credits, his name isnt as publically known and ppl will only see him as That One Guy who started a cult and tried to take over the world or smth (IF that. like do most people even know thats viktor in there or is it just another Piltover’s nameless baddie of the week to them… sad)

and the FEW people who knew him and his contribution to hextech are either just dead or probably saw him as a villain as their last memory of him, was he even worth saving in their mind??

the ONLYYYY person who understood him and loved him for who he was (other than sky ofc, who also died lmao) was taken with him in death, so viktor’s story wont even live on in honor for how he truly was and what he really stood for, bc jayce is the only one who can accurately describe him post-mortem

and people will probably think jayce (THE GOLDEN BOY, MAN OF PROGRESS in the eyes of piltover) died trying to fight him bc no one knows what their conversation was about before they went out, or how jayce was willing to sacrifice himself too because he shares blame in it all, so theyll likely just villainize viktor for that as well, 'the one who killed jayce talis- creator of hextech'

and no one is alive to mourn him :( so fucking depressing

also i dont blame jayce for 'taking all the credit' like some people do lol ive seen ppl say he was egotistical and taking it all in for himself and pushing viktor aside, but he literally always says viktor is his partner and never implies that HE ALONE developed hextech or that hes the sole creator in it all

like its always been 'OUR inventions' and 'my PARTNER' and 'WE created this' whenever jayce talks about hextech. he literally corrects viktor from "your [jayce's] hextech dream" to "our hextech dream" the very first night they partner up bc, despite knowing this man for maybe 4 hours max, he already recognizes the importance of their partnership and that hes not the sole idea-man in this project anymore

i think that whole negative idea was probably developed from jayce signing every single page in his notes,, but itd make more sense to me that he'd do that- not out of arrogance- but he might share the same fear that viktor has: in being forgotten for his work... so he signs every page making sure no one can take a piece out of context and pass it as their own years down the line, or erase the possibility that forget the origin of the creator, especially in a world where a species like yordels are seemingly immortal, names hold a lot of weight as time withers tangible things away

and im assuming jayce recognizes that the fact that being from the undercity could have easily silenced viktor's ideas and contributions in the eyes of the public, and jayce doesnt want to diminish his work towards it. two very important lines jayce hears from viktor that night are "do you think i want to spend my whole life as an assistant" and "a poor kid from the undercity, no one believed in me, i was an outcast the moment i stepped foot in piltover" and he probably took those to heart (paraphrasing those quotes bc i have the memory of a goldfish or smth)

i feel like its moreso piltover to blame (? imo) lmao they set up jayce as the golden boy, and piltover is all about names and status and wealth. they very obviously discriminate against zaunites (and viktor himself states that too) like yeah we dont see the whole process of The Man of Progress being made,, BUT viktor expresses how he doesnt want to go out in front of people in Progress Day, so jayce is very much just respecting his wishes and boundaries to not drag him up there when hes clearly uncomfortable at the thought yk?

viktor might also recognize himself that piltover will use his knowledge as a celebrity idol for people to look at rather than as an actual scientist for people to acknowledge and appreciate. he wants to be known for what he did, not a soulless face for people to gawk at. makes sense tho, irl u usually dont remember celebrity actions unless theyre negative, but you do remember scientist's accomplishments rather than what they look like

ppl bring up the hexgate blueprints at the end and how it only has Jayce's name on it as another argument and idk i feel like it has multiple things to stem off that before getting to the 'jayce took credit for everything' idea?

maybe they were changed after the whole cult incident, like viktor's name taken off, which yeah thats obviously depressing in itself. i think its more likely bc piltover wont want their whole gimmick to be associated with that incident, rather than jayce purposefully leaving viktor's name out of it... thats probably the strongest explanation imo. we gotta remember viktor is quite literally jayce's best friend- do you really think jayce would take away his best friend's accomplishments like that? lets be real yall HAHA

my own guess is that jayce was actually the sole designer in the hexgate design, and while they can share custody, maybe viktor doesnt take credit for things that werent his ? like yeah they worked on the hextech ideas together but it could be more like jayce drew up the plans and viktor helped with the science of it idk, but thatd explain why only jayce's name would be on it (in a non depressing way that kind of makes sense), bc jayce designed the hexgates specifically

maybe viktor didnt want his name on it either bc reasons i said above, tho this is unlikely to me bc he probably wouldnt want his name taken off if he was scared about legacy erasure,, but these are just theories idk

anyway i think blaming jayce for viktor's erasure is kind of - uhm -stupid because jayce has always made it his goal to not just save viktor but to include viktor every time he brings up hextech in conversation, whether it calls for his mention or not. because jayce knows drilling viktor's name association as co-contributer to hextech into the heads of other people is important, considering viktor's background, and jayce's own current social status as the golden boy: the leverage he holds when he speaks. people will listen lol

[absolutechaosss]

Do you ever go insane thinking about how every member of Laios' party is extremely atypical for their species, but a lack of exposure and understanding smoothes out these differences and makes everyone think they're the "typical" representation.

Senshi is terrible with other dwarves since he has no practical interest in mining or weapons craft. We cannot know this until Namari and later, Senshi's backstory are introduced. When we see him interact with dwarves, it's awkward and clear there's a fundamental disconnect.

Chilchuck is incredibly tall for a half foot and as such has to manage his weight more than other half foot dungeoneers so he doesnt set off traps. The first detail takes the changlings to properly understand, the second is referenced in text but is fully explained in additional materials. It is plot relevant that people who don't have the exposure to half foots might not even realize they're their own species.

Marcille as a half elf is kind of obvious to many of the elves who encounter her and they're deeply cruel and assume she's driven by a desire to be able to have children but the party never notices and Senshi especially thinks of her as a typical elf even though in truth she's so outcast she could never dine with her mother at the queens table.

Laios and Falin are a bit more complicated, since we as the audience do have context for most of tallman culture, since it mirrors our own mostly, but both of them have magical aptitude that both people like Marcille, who has a lot of access to mana and people like Chilchuck, who has very little and no magical training, fail to understand how isolating it is to have that much potential and aptitude.

Arguably Toshiro and Namari fall into this as well. Toshiro looks like the embodiment of the silent but noble warrior, but his own party and extra material confirm that he's abnormally shy and introverted, something that makes it hard for him even in his own family. Meanwhile Namari is able to stand on her own as a weapons expert and "typical" dwarf, but total dwarves who are total strangers like Dya know who she is and resent her.

Arguably a lot of dungeon meshi is about peeling back layers and assumptions not working out, but it's so great that every member of the core party gets interpreted by others (and maybe the reader) as "typical", especially with the skills line up, as a human fighter, halfling rogue, and an elven mage are so basic a stereotype. But none of are able to achieve that standard. These assumptions and misunderstandings only thrive because each party member is so inexperienced with both the biology and culture of the others. The only way they gain context is either interacting with a wider pool of people or experiencing it for themself. Everything in this story is so layered and I love it.