astrobei · 2 years ago
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mid-apocalypse movie night
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goldsbitch · 7 months ago
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You texted...
Y/N and Lando are going through a rough patch in their relationship. Not really on speaking terms. This bad streak ends when there is a massive spider in her bathroom.
angst, one shot
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The moment she spotted that creature sent from hell, everything else went out of the window. The dinner in the oven, the fact she was planning on doing a late night session in the gym, the fact her hair was still wet from the shower. The fact she and her boyfriend Lando were on "not speaking" terms.
Y/N was absolutely terrified of spiders her whole life and was never able to over come the fear by getting rid of them on her own. Lando was the one who always ever so kindly rescued her, he overtook this role her neighbor, who overtook it from her mom, who Y/N had trained to react immediately when she heard a very specific scream.
Now she was standing in her apartment, alone with nowhere to go, since her job was to stay frozen at one spot and stare at the creature, in case it moved, and not really sure who to call for help. Her best friend was the first option. Normally, it would have been her boyfriend, but something was stopping her from doing that.
"Come on, come on, come on," she whispered as she dialed her best friend living close by. "Pick up, dammit."
Finally, the tone she was praying for. "Hey, girl, what's up?"
No time for chit chat. "You have to come over now, immediately."
Her friend noticed the immediate distress and tuned herself in. "What's wrong?" she replied, sounding as she was ready to dial the police.
"There's a spider situation going on in my apartment."
"Uhm, I see," she said, more relaxed now, but still taking it seriously.
"It's huge, with like hairy legs and shit. You have to come over, now. We have a deal, remember?"
Her friend was equally terrified of mosquitoes, so they agreed that Y/N would deal with those while spider duty fell on the other lady. This has happened many many times before. Usually ended up with a nice girls evening. Ever since Lando appeared in Y/N life however, the emergency calls stopped.
"I thought Lando was around this week?" her friend asked curiously. "Not that I'm trying to get out of this, but I'm sort of like an hour away from you, so..."
Y/N let out a frustrated sigh. "Fucking hell...Yeah, we're not exactly speaking at the moment," she admitted.
"Wow, that's a first!?" her friend said, clearly surprised. "Why?"
"Look, I'd love to chat, but are you coming or not? There's no one else and I'm not calling Lando!"
"Yes, yes, I'm getting in the car, just let me say good bye to my friends here, we're having a picnic," she replied and muted voices of disapproval came from the background.
Y/N felt guilty about doing this, but she'd dropped everything she was oing for her friend many times, answered phone calls in the middle of the night even though she was an early bird. They just had this kind of friendship.
"Drive fast, please," she said, still stubborn and not about to call Lando.
//
Y/N sat there staring at the spider for good ten minuted before her friend called again.
"Ok, I'm in the car, you can talk about Lando now, keep me busy. I'm going to pass over the fact you and your boyfriend are fighting and I have no idea," she said unapologetically.
"Figured you'd be mad about that. Yeah, he's been acting like a bit of a dick..."
"But you're not broken up, right?" her friend asked, slightly worried about her favorite couple.
"No, I don't think so. I hope so," she realized, the spider in the corner becoming lesser of her problems.
"And what seems to be the problem? Did he cheat?"
"No, not that I'm aware," she replied without thinking.
"Did you cheat?" her friend asked, ready to support her in anything.
"Jesus, no. It's um...I dunno, we've just grown a bit distant. Lately it feels like I'm like at number 50 of his priorities list. It's always only racing, Quadrant, promo event this and that."
"That's shitty, yeah. Would you like to be included? I know you hate things like promo events and such."
"I do! But honestly, I miss him so much and frankly I'd like to be more included in his life somehow. Especially now that I have more time in my life."
"Does he know that?"
"No?"
Her friend let out a deep sigh. "Hm. You have to untangle that. It would be stupid to break up over that."
"Yeah, I'd hate that," she said, panic setting in.
"Text him to come. To save you from the spider. It's a nice excuse and good test. To see if he cares."
"I'm scared. What if he does not respond?"
Few moments of dramatic silence. "Well, at least you'd know."
"Yeah. Ok. Sending it." Y/N quickly typed something up, trying not to overthink it.
"What did you text?"
"Can you come over asap? I need help with a spider. It's urgent."
"Nice. Now you'll see what he does."
They stayed on the phone together for good half an hour. Catching up and distracting Y/N from the fact there was no text from Lando coming her way.
//
A doorbell rang.
"You're here already?" Y/N asked her friend, surprised by her ability to drive this fast.
"Nope, still very much far away. Did I hear a bell? Do you think it's him?"
"I dunno. I'll mute you and if it's him I'll hang up, ok?"
"Gotcha."
She opened the door with a heavy heart. What if it was not him?
But it was. Flustered Lando stood there without saying hello. The two shared a pain-filled look, neither of them enjoying this no contact streak they had.
"You came..." she said finally, ending the phone call.
"You texted..." he said dryly and in full macho mode entered her apartment without being let it. "Can you point me where?"
"That corner," she simply pointed, flushed with emotions. Happy that he came to rescue her, sad about his loveless tone and scared of what was to come after. She watched him from afar, as he skillfully took the spider and threw it out of the balcony.
"Don't say anything about him knowing his way back, please," he said, hinting on the countless debates they'd had before about Lando not wanting to kill every spider they'd encounter.
The air suddenly went very heavy. Lando casually headed to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water while trying so hard to make eye contact with her. The last time they spoke was few days prior - and it was not a nice conversation. Lots of built up emotions got out, frustrated speeches made and confusing sentences jumping one after another. Ending with Lando slamming the door on his way out.
She had no clue where to start. "So, how have you been?" she asked, not sure she was ready for his answer. He finally looked at her, and then with an annoyed eye-roll went back into staring out of the window.
Y/N threw her hands up in the air as the familiar feeling from few days ago kicked back in. "Ok fine, sorry I asked. Thank you so much for your help, truly appreciated, but if you hate being around me, just say so that we can-"
"We can what?" he cut her off, not having any of that.
"I don't know, you tell me!...I'm getting lost at trying to read you," she admitted, not even trying to hide anything from him at this point.
"I'm sorry," he said slowly. "I don't think I listened to you," he sighed before continuing, "Or more like did not hear what you were saying."
The validation felt rewarding. But she feared what would come next.
"What I heard at that moment was you not respecting my lack of time and the fact that things I'm involved in are important to me."
She took a breath and planned on interrupting him, which he noticed and tried to stop.
"Let me finish, please. But thinking about it, I figured that's not the case, and you were simply pointing out that I've been putting off spending time with you. Which you're absolutely correct. I figured since we've been going to strong lately, this would be fine. But truth is I hate this distance it created. I feel lost, uneasy and unable to focus," he blabbered something, which felt like he might have even rehearsed on the way to her. "What I'm trying to say is - do you still care enough for us to fix it?"
It felt vulnerable, raw and maybe even uncomfortable to have these kinds of talks. But this is ultimately what cements a relationship.
Feeling like he managed to destroy some of the wall they'd put up, she took few steps towards him.
"Lando, of course I do. It's not a rare event that I imagine our future life together, as a couple and one day potentially as a family. Never had this feeling before in my life. Please, let's figure out a way how to prevent the distance from happening. Things have changed now, the relationship has too. We've been together for almost two years. And my love for you has only grown."
He finally smiled, relieved that they seemed to be on the same page.
"I came right from the tennis court, left everyone behind. Would you like to go there with me? Hang out with the Quadrant squad for a bit and then have a nice dinner somewhere? I just want to spend this evening with you."
"And the night hopefully," she teased, trying to ease the mood.
"Always the night, it was absolutely horrible, knowing you're so close to me, yet having to sleep without you."
She closed the distance between them, embracing him into a hug. They bodies were more than familiar with each and it felt right to be that close. Definitely better than each of them standing in a different corner of the room.
"We still have to talk about this. I don't want our love to slip through by our fingers," she said, letting her anxiety out.
"We will. Tonight, we'll come up with a plan. Can you join me on few races later this month?" he asked, hoping for a positive answer.
"Of course, my love. I have to buy new clothes though, the cameras are savage."
He chuckled, relaxed now that he did not have to worry about having lost her. "Yes, they are."
She later call her friend to thank her for dropping everything and driving to save her, even though it was not needed in the end. Her friend was more than happy that she and Lando seemingly found the way back to each other.
She also admitted that she turned back the moment Y/N sent her text to Lando, knowing that this guy would come running anytime his girlfriend asked for help.
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jeonqkooks · 1 year ago
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a fluff drabble ; 37 & 50 w the supernova couple:(
ways to hold the sun | jjk
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SUPERNOVA SERIES MASTERPOST
pairing: jungkook x f!reader prompts: "you wrote me a song?" + "this isn't adrenaline, i want to spend the rest of my life with you." rating: PG genre/warnings: established relationship, idol au; fluff, itty bitty angst (for the supernova peeps?! shocking :o); kissing, implied smut, jk rides a motorcycle, unedited bc yolo 🤷‍♀️ word count: 1.8k note: thank you so much anon for sending in this request!! i'm almost a year late to this but like i always say, better late than never right? lol. anyways, this request gave me the chance to wrap up their story with a neat little bow. i can't believe this is the last thing i'll write for supernova :( this series will always be one of my personal favorites and i'm so emo that i'm ending their story with this drabble. but, they'll always have a special, special place in my heart and i'll always love them <3
as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡
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How do you hold the sun?
The answer is simple.
You hold him with two arms wrapped around his waist - tightly, because it feels like he holds your life in the palm of his hand. In more ways than one, he does.
You hated that motorcycle that he loved so much, calling it unsafe even though he isn't reckless at all. He may be a daredevil sometimes, and the most adventurous compared to his hyungs, but Jungkook would never neglect his safety. He returns home to you every day, that's always his number one priority.
He'd convinced you to let him take you out on his motorcycle today, to this spot he knows just outside of the city to watch the sunset together. You'd been against the idea at first, but it was a losing battle and you were all too aware of it. Once he'd whipped out a pout and big puppy dog eyes, you knew you'd cave.
Now, as you sit behind him, holding onto him like a koala as the bike moves smoothly along with the wind, you're glad that you'd agreed to let him do this. The city grows smaller, and it feels like all of your worries seem more and more insignificant - manageable, like something you could easily overcome - by the second, until the whole skyline can fit into one single frame.
It feels nice, hiding in plain sight. The ridiculously chunky helmets that sit securely on your heads shield you from any and all outsiders. You can squeeze him as tightly as you want even at the red lights, and he can hold your hand without the fear of being recognized. To anyone else, you're just two lovebirds and a license plate. Two people in love. It's the most normal thing in the world.
When you arrive at your destination and he takes off his helmet, the radiance of his grin almost knocks you off your axis. It's ever-bright, filled with so much happiness that could make you cry for some reason. You'll never understand how a person can be the entire universe, so wonderful and spectacular and magnificent, but he is. He always will be.
There's that one poem that you hold close to your heart. Sometimes, when you retrace the words in your mind, you think it must have been written for you and him. "We deserve a soft epilogue, my love," it reads. "We are good people and we've suffered enough."
You aren't sure if you're a good person, but as he kisses you with so much love that must rival any other love in all of history, you think you do deserve a soft epilogue.
Your mother often says that good things should be repeated three times.
You and him.
You and him.
You and him.
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How do you hold the sun?
You hold him with your fingers intertwined with his, a soft smile on your face, and dozens of polaroids scattered across the floor.
"Just one more," Jungkook says, reaching for the purple Instax again.
"Stop!" you laugh, lightly pushing him away when he tries to point the lens in your direction. "You've said that twenty times in the last two hours."
This is a new hobby that he's taken up. Ever since Hoseok gifted him the damn camera, it's all that Jungkook has been doing. To say that he was obsessed would probably be an understatement. He snaps photos of everything and nothing, of his meals whenever you draw a heart on his plate with the mayonnaise, of the crescent moon outside the window at night, of himself as he makes silly faces at the camera.
But most of all, he takes photos of you.
He keeps so many of them in his wallet that the stack of polaroids dedicated to you is thicker than all of his cash, which is to say that there's a lot. He keeps one in the pocket of every coat, because he said every time he reaches inside for warmth and finds a piece of you there, it makes him smile and forget that he's even cold at all. You'd nearly melted when he told you that. It was so earnest and pure that it almost made you feel guilty for ever thinking there'd come a day where the adoration he had for you could fill anything less than the sky.
"Please?" Jungkook pouts, before pulling you closer and kissing your cheek sweetly. "I need just one more for my new coat."
At this point, it's not a matter of having enough polaroids for his coats anymore. It's a matter of having enough coats for his polaroids.
You roll your eyes with playful endearment, but you allow him regardless. It shoots pure serotonin through your veins when he grins. He lets go of your hands to hold the camera, immortalizing the grin that you mimic, a contented sigh leaving him as he takes the shot. He tells you he loves you afterward, like it's such a privilege to be able to have you at all.
No one ever warns you that when the sun holds you back, your heart will feel so full that it might just stop beating altogether.
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How do you hold the sun?
You hold him with your face tucked safely in the crook of his neck, his arm around your body, rubbing odd patterns on your bare back.
You're both calming down from the hour-long session of twisting around in the sheets on a lazy Sunday morning, your only witness being the sunlight that creeps in through the slit between your curtains. Jungkook hums a tune that you're unfamiliar with, and the soft vibration of his chest almost lulls you to sleep again.
"What song is that?" you mumble, your eyes fluttering close.
"Your song."
"Hmm?" You don't quite register what his answer, you already have one foot in dreamland already. "My song?"
"Wrote it for you."
And suddenly, just like that, you're wide awake.
He presses an absentminded kiss against your hair, like this is all just common information.
"Huh?" You push yourself up to prop your upper body on one elbow, looking down at him with a slight frown. "You wrote a song for me?"
"Yeah," he chuckles at your reaction. His other hand that isn't touching your back comes up to brush your hair away from your face, tucking it delicately behind your ear. If you weren't too focused on a different issue, you would blush, even though this is something he's done a million times. "I wrote a song for you."
"Be serious."
"I am serious."
"How?" you ask, unbelieving. "When? Why?"
"What do you mean how? It's literally my job," he laughs, pulling you flush against his body again. "Why? Because I love you. When? I started writing it after we first met."
"Jungkook," you breathe, full of teary-eyed affection as you press a kiss to his jawline, his neck, the top of his shoulder, anywhere you can reach while he's embracing you this tightly.
You repeat his name three times, then three more, then three more, until you're a broken record and he has to shush you with a kiss, one that makes your knees buckle even though you're already lying in bed.
If the world wanted to take him away from you again, you really wouldn't be able to survive. So you hold him desperately, thinking that you never want to let him go. Praying that the world will let you keep him this time.
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How do you hold the sun?
You hold him with all your might, even though you're blinded by how bright he shines. Even though he's the source of all life, and you're just a flickering light that can be snuffed out at any moment.
You're always the first person that he looks for. He runs to you at full speed, picks you up with his arms around your waist and spins you around despite your flushed cheeks indicating embarrassment as everyone - the staff and his members included - chuckles fondly at the sight. You can still hear the crowd out there chanting their names, still buzzing with postshow excitement. Jungkook is buzzing too, that much is clear.
You know he misses this - the stage, the fans, the bond he shares with all the people that adore him. It's in his eyes, the way they sparkle so brilliantly that could put stars to shame. If you were any good with words, you would write whole novels about the light in his eyes.
He presses you against the wall while everybody else carries on with their business. You suppose they're used to this from the two of you. The staff hurries to clear the set, moving equipment from backstage to the vans outside so they could finally wrap up an exhausting day. The boys shuffle wordlessly to their dressing rooms to wind down, to bask in the high that only the stage could bring them.
Jungkook peppers kisses all over your face, his nose bumping your skin as he moves from your forehead to your cheek, the bridge of your nose, to your jawline, to your chin, to your lips. You giggle quietly as you let him shower you with affection, the palpable love seeping through every kiss.
That is, until he says something that makes you stop breathing completely.
"Marry me."
You stare at him, dumbfounded, as you try to make your brain work again. His chocolate orbs stare back at you, and it feels like looking at the night sky on a cloudless night to find the entire galaxy twinkling, smiling down at you. It's unfathomable how you could be loved by someone like him.
"Marry me. Please, marry me." he says again, his fingers caressing your face like you're the most precious being he's ever seen. Before you can open your mouth to answer him, he continues, "This isn't adrenaline. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
You know you're nothing compared to him who lies in the center of the universe. You will never be able to shine as brightly as he does, not even a fraction.
You know you're nothing compared to him, and yet, he revolves around you regardless. To the rest of the world, you're insignificant. You're merely a soul among billions of others. If you were to disappear one day, you don't think a lot of people would care.
But to him, you're everything. You're the reason he exists, you're his favorite person in the whole wide world, you're the only one who will ever have his heart, you're his soft epilogue. He doesn't dim his light for you, and he should never have to. Instead, he lifts you up. He makes you shine too, even if it's only the two of you who see it. It's only you and him, but it's more than enough. It's the only thing that matters.
So, the question remains: How do you hold the sun?
The answer, in the end, is simple.
You hold him with love.
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all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 25.06.23]
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harrysmimi · 1 year ago
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Harry From Bar
Synopsis: One where YN is conflicted but Harry is there to support her.
Ps. Mentions of abortion and religion pls do not read if this is smth bothers you. And if you are planning to read it, keep an open mind and spread no hate. This is just a work of fiction and NOT real life.
More of my work
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YN was sat on her bed in complete and utter and disbelief with her head in the palms of her hand. It is horrible.
"YN!" Her friend, Brielle yelled from her bathroom. "Who's is it? Do you even know?"
"Of course I do, I do not sleep around!" YN defended herself, crying like a baby.
Look, don't take her too seriously. YN doesn't judge other people and their life choices or even let other people do the same in front of her, but she is certainly not the one who would be going out of her way to do the same. She was completely sober when she slept with this guy (so was he) she met at the bar and had a nice two hour chat with. One can say, she let her intrusive thoughts win that day. They very carefully used protection during the entire time.
She quite took on a liking on him. He was charming, adorable and caring most importantly. It is something she was drawn towards. They even exchanged their numbers before she left his place, he texted her to make sure she reach home safely.
His last text read: Perhaps we can meet again?
And her reply was a simple yes to which he reacted with a red heart. And was the end of it. Yes she went down into spiral of the weird betrayed feeling for the first time from someone who she started to grow immediate romantic feelings for. It went on for about a month, she couldn't bring herself to text him. Now this is the third month.
You see YN missed her period for the second time and it did not take her long enough to put two and two together before she was calling her best friend over. This is something serious and had her going down yet another spiral that she had to take two days off work. That isn't like her at all, she loves her job and she hardly ever takes a day off from work. The entire point of her moving to a completely different country was her work.
"Then who is he?" Brielle asked, pulling YN back down to earth.
"The guy I met at the bar three months ago." YN let out a sigh and quickly added, "I haven't dared to sleep with anyone else, before you say anything!"
"Oh okay!" Brielle sighed, "do you want to keep it?"
"I, I, I honestly don't know." YN shrugged, "I mean I am certainly not ready for it and my grandfather and dad and brother will have me buried alive if they find out."
"Who cares about them!" Her friend sighed again and sat down next to her, "it's your body, do whatever the fuck you want to!"
"I know Brielle, but..." YN stopped herself, "I need to talk to him. But I don't know if I should call him or text him."
"Duh! Call him over!"
"I am scared, what if he thinks I am just to trap him? I quite liked him, we were going to see each other again soon but it never happened." And it started, YN cried her eyes out for next hour and half.
It's not a challenge for her to bring a human into the world and raise it, she is definitely financially capable of that, but she is not mentally or emotionally capable to do so. She still has so much to grow in her life and having a baby was further down her list of priorities, most probably after marriage.
Truth is, YN had been sulking around for about a week think the same and a pink plastic stick just brought her fears into reality for her. She's been contemplating her entire life since then.
"He is not going to think that." Brielle assured her friend, "if he does, we're going to kick him to the curb where he belongs and move on."
"It's not that easy." YN shook her head still sniffling on her tears. "I, I, I am going to text him, I can't talk right now."
"Okay, let's do it." Brielle urged her and YN finally texted the guy. Just by the start of the morning three days later she got a reply back.
Harry from Bar
- Hi, this is not Harry.
- I am Jasmine
- This number doesn't belong to him anymore I recently got this :)
That made her heart drop to her stomach. And she was all alone. Her best friend had gone home. It was luckily a Sunday for her and she had to go grocery shopping, even though she didn't wanted to she's still got to eat. She still got her reusable bag and drove to the grocery store.
She has been asking her pregnant cousin what she can eat and can't eat indirectly because she has no idea what to do.
It's just so confusing!
She picked out mostly junk food which she found appetising, which contained chips, ice cream, bread and butter and some other healthier options too. Lately she has been too exhausted to even cook herself meals for the whole day.
Just as YN was loading her bags in the back seat of her car she saw the guy from the bar walking into store with a girl. He had his arm around her shoulder. Now YN knew who it was, the girl was his sister. He'd shown her the pictures when he was sharing his weekend's experience with her that night.
Just as she was about done he saw her and approached her excusing himself from his sister. Luckily she had her sun glasses on to hide her swollen eyes from crying so much. Though her red cheeks and nose would be pretty evident.
"Hey, YN!" He chirped.
"Hi." She smiled shutting her car door.
"Haven't seen you in a long time." He started, "actually, let me rephrase that I wasn't in town for a few months so couldn't get back to you."
"Oh, I, I texted you yesterday." She started, still sniffling from her tears from three hours ago. "You changed your number."
"Oh, yeah." He smiled sheepishly, "I lost my phone and we couldn't find it. They gave me a new number, also lost all of my contacts. You sound sick, you alright love?"
"Yeah, I, uhhhhh, I actually wanted to talk to you about something."
"Yeah, what is it?" Now she had his undivided attention, which intimidated her even more to approach the conversation.
"Not, not here please. Can we like go somewhere private?" She could hear her heart thump in her ears.
"Okay, you wanna go to mine?" He asked.
"I, I have groceries in my car. It's not that urgent anyway." Harry could tell it is indeed something urgent and she is making excuses.
"Then we can go to yours." He announced, "I will tell my sister she can take my car, we can go to your place and talk."
YN just nodded in agreement. He just walked over to his sister for a minute meanwhile YN got herself a few seconds to gather herself up. She's been going through a shit ton of emotional turmoil and, balancing a very demanding job with very little food and nutrition was never a challenge for her but with a growing fetus inside in a different story. Her lifestyle works for her, but it is not working while she is clearly pregnant. She knew she shouldn't have gotten that ultrasound there it's fucked her up emotionally even more.
"Okay shall we go?" Harry came back to her.
"Mhmm." She nodded. She some how managed to drive to her place and Harry carried all her groceries upto her flat for her. "You want water? Or tea, or coffee?"
"Water is fine, thank you." He nodded.
"Please, have a seat." She insisted as she reached for a glass. He watched her as he sat on the bar stool behind the kitchen counter. The flat with a loft bedroom was small yet incredibly lavish and luxurious looking, maybe it's the way she has it all set up. He also noticed she haven't taken off her sunglasses yet. She sat the glass of water in front of him and walked around the country. "I will be back, just a second." She went into her bedroom upstairs and came back down with a with a blue folder and without her sunglasses.
"You alright YN?" He asked, now clearly worried seeing her red puffy eyes.
"I don't know how to tell you," her voice cracked as she tried not to cry but her eyes were pooled up with tears.
"Hey, what happened?" He was quick to get off his seat and go hug her the first thing. "It's okay. It's okay, I promise!" She wrapped her arms around him. "You can tell me, that's okay." He caressed the back of her head as she had her face buried in his white shirt.
"I, I, I am pregnant and I don't know what to do!" She cried out in muffles, "it's yours I promise!"
"Hey, hey, hey I want you to take in a deep breath for me, okay?" He guided her through the breathing exercise to get her to calm down a little. She just looked at him with guilt and hope in her eyes, "look, I trust you. Look at you, you've gone all pale come and sit on the sofa." He walked her to the sofa quickly fetched her a glass of water. "You need time to gather yourself?" To which she nodded.
Harry sat there in silence. Well, this wasn't the first time for him to go through a scare like. Certainly his past girlfriends went through similar situations but all of those have turned out to be negative, this time it turned out to be positive with a girl he knew only for two hours.
Well, he was quite smitten by her. And to be honest he really couldn't stop thinking about all these months, if it weren't for his phone getting lost he would have asked her out. He even visited the same bar a couple of time hoping to see her there, but he didn't and he eventually had to go on the tour in America. He'd nust gotten back home a two days ago and now he's gotten the news that he could potentially be a dad now.
But, whatever YN wishes to do. She seems very conflicted to him. If she choses to not keep it, he'd support her. If she choses to keep it, he'd support her anyway and step up to be a present dad regardless of where his relation with her leads.
They both sat there for what seemed like to be hours but in reality it's just been ten minutes. "Can you please fetch that folder?"
"Yeah." Harry quickly got up and brought her the blue folder, from which she took out a few reports.
"Got these pictures yesterday when I went for the appointment." She showed him the grainy ultrasound pictures, a seahorse looking silhouette was the cutest thing ever, it took his breath away.
"Oh, I see them!" He whispered, pointing his finger to the obvious human fetus silhouette. His eyes pooled up with tears.
"Yeah." She nodded and they both sat in silence again, or at least Harry could feel his heart thumping in his ears.
"Oh my god!" He took in a deep breath to face the conversation, "you want to keep it?"
"I don't know." She looked down at her hands in her lap, "I don't know honestly. But if you don't want to have to do anything with this matter, I understand."
"Don't say that." He moved closer to her carefully, "I want to be there to support you, no matter what your decision is. At the end of the day it's your body you're going to house a human for nine months in."
"Do you want it?" She asked, "don't give me a diplomatic answer please."
"I do want a baby, I want to be a dad one day or other, yeah. I think I'd want this little one." He admitted after yet another silent pause from him. "I don't want you to base your decision on what I want YN."
"I know." She nodded, "I know I will be a bad mother, I am not emotional there to be a parent plus I'd have to deal with my family for getting pregnant like this. But I don't want to get rid of it, I know this will sound stupid but I don't think that's the right thing to do with an innocent life. I don't want to kill it."
"It's not stupid, your feelings are valid." He took her hand in his into a gentle hold, "if you don't feel ready for it, I say don't do it. Even though you'd have plenty of time to prepare, but if you really think you can't, then you shouldn't have to."
"You are not helping." She started sobbing again.
"Hey, can I hug you?" He asked carefully approaching her to which she responded with just curling up next to him, he wrapped his arms around her. "What do you want now? And be honest with me, please."
"I want to focus on my career." She shared, "it sounds mean, but I am really not ready. It's going to be a big conflict as well because I am not married I just don't know what to do!"
"Hey, first off all, your feelings are not stupid." Harry corrected her, "you don't want the baby?"
"I don't know, but I know if I have this baby I won't be able to be there for him or her. I am not ready!" She sobbed again.
"Hey look, you don't have to." He announced, "you want me to go with you?"
"You will?"
"Of course, I would!" He squeezed her in his arms gently, "look you shouldn't feel guilty for putting yourself first. It's very important you that, yes it is difficult to make these kind of decisions. But put yourself first."
"Okay." She nodded, now slowly pulling away from him not wanting to make things awkward. "Did the condom really broke?"
"You want me to be honest?" He asked with a guilty look on his red face, she nodded, "I don't know honestly, got in bed immediately after we cleaned up. I swear I would have told you."
"I trust you." And to be fair she does, the man was asking for consent at every little thing. She was also fully present in the moment.
"Did you eat something?" He asked just to get a nod of her head in answer in disagreement, "you want me to make you something? Did you get pasta?"
"Yeah." She sniffled.
"I'll go make you some pasta." He placed a delicate kiss on her head before he was off to kitchen.
"Wait, you can cook?"
"That's sounds surprising doesn't it?" He chuckled, "well, turns out I can't keep a cook as I travel so much so had to learn to cook for myself." She just gave him a small smile.
In no time Harry was done with some delicious pasta, he plated up two plates and brought them back to the sofa just to run back and get water. YN honestly did not feel like eating but she felt too guilty to let all of his hard work go to waste. It was pretty good actually, she liked it.
"I, I, will make an appointment for Tuesday then." She spoke breaking the silence between the cutlery clinking on the ceramic plates.
"Sure!" He agreed, "I will give you my new number you can text me, I will come and pick you up."
"Mhmmm." She nodded again.
That was about it for the afternoon. Harry did gave her his new number and promised not to loose it or have it saved somewhere so if he looses it he can reach out to her this time.
......................................................................
Tuesday rolled around and Harry was anxiously waiting for YN's text. It was way too early in the morning, but he was still ready for her text whenever she is.
To be honest, Harry really never got over the fact he still wants to see where things would go with YN if they both gave it a chance. He is just not so sure about how she would take it now given the situations. He is really smitten by her, so much, he will admit it shamelessly. He still finds himself grinning like an idiot when he thinks about their first interaction.
How she thought he was his own doppelganger, how she mocked him for solid fifteen minutes with an untouched wine glass in her hand. In her opinion she'd rather spend four pounds on the cheapest glass of wine even if she doesn't drink to keep the creepy men away from her.
She talked to him, apparently he wasn't being creepy and did not ask to buy her a drink. And most probably because she was having so much fun mocking him and laughing. He still doesn't know how that night happened honestly. It was blissful.
To pull him out of his day dreaming his phone started ringing, it was of course YN.
"Hello love, good morning!" He said as he answered the call, sounding way too excited.
"Hey, good morning." Her morning did not sound so good, "I called in the clinic yesterday after work they said they couldn't fit me in, and I like already took next three days off. Do, do you think you can me out here? Now I know I should have called them earlier but I had to run in early for work, there was this important thing I had to get to which I had been putting off..."
"Hey, look you don't have to explain yourself." He assured her, "let me make a few calls and we'll take care of it okay?"
"Okay." He let out a sigh, "please call me back, I'll call my friend too."
"I promise, will call you back. Give me half an hour." He reassured her again before the call was ended.
He called in his manager, and the hardest calls to make were to his mum and sister. He needed their opinions okay. He doesn't know if either of them have been into this situation but he hoped they could help. His sister told him about her friend who is a doctor at this private clinic, who she had referred her other friends too. Luckily both, his mum and sister were so nice and cool about it. To ease his nerves, it was good. Amazing actually!
He had called in the clinic and they actually had few slots open for an appointment, he made sure with YN first before booking one. Rest assure he wasn't ready for the questions she bombarded him with when he went to pick her up. The clinic wasn't so far away from her place actually.
Harry spent his entire Sunday night and all Monday researching about the pregnancy and everything which came with it. And everything about the abortion.
"Harry, it is a private clinic, I really can't afford it. Do you think they'll charge to cancel the appointment?" She panicked when he told the name of the clinic.
"Don't worry about it, we'll take of it."
"No, no, nope! I really can't afford it." She started to get stressed.
Actually she had spent more at hospital these past few weeks than she had her entire life. She had to actually dip into her savings which she was going to use to buy the flat she is living in. Maybe in a couple more years, or at least before he lease ends as her landlord was really looking to sell the property. And it was eating at her that a huge chunk of her savings went to something she could so surely avoided from happening.
"Let's just go in okay, let's just see what they say first." He parked his car and got out to get the door for her. YN was clearly nervous the whole time.
She had gone in for the procedure alone actually, she could apparently go home by the evening they said. If things seem good, or they'd have to keep her in for the night. Which none of them were prepared for. Harry had to wait outside for about an hour before he was told he could see her in the recovery room.
"Hey love, you doing alright?" He asked as he carefully entered the room. A nurse was checking up on her there.
"She is a bit drowsy, let her sleep if she wants to." The nurse informed, "she is doing well, you can probably take her home by evening." He smiled at Harry before he was out.
"Thank you." Harry acknowledged the nurse and carefully sat beside YN on the edge of her bed.
"You are blurry." She shared.
"You are under a lot of meds right now love." He shared, "you want to take a nap?"
"Mhmm." She nodded, "I, I want to lay on my side but I can't move."
"You want me to help you?" He offered already helping her to lie on her side, well, she did it on her own anyway, "is it better now?"
"Yeah."
"I'll wait here for you, okay?"
"Thanks." Her eyes were already closed shut.
Harry sat right next to her for next three hours as she took a much needed nap. He found some old magazine to keep himself occupied, he read almost every little gossip and random facts column. He got to know ketchup was once used at medicine and shrimp's heart is in it's brain. Totally weird as fuck!
None the less YN was up in a couple of hours. She was doing well.
"Hi!" He greeted her as he placed the magazine down.
"Hi." She smiled back.
"How are you feeling now?" He asked watching her carefully, her forehead was all sweaty.
"I am warm, I don't know." She yawned.
"Want me to turn up the AC?" He asked to which she nodded in yes, he did so after he found the remote, "you need a minute or do you want me to call a nurse?"
"I don't want to see anyone right now, there were like five people there." She shared.
"Mhmm, do you need something?"
"Nope, I am good, thank you!" She smiled again now lying on her back.
"You did so great, the nurse said you can be discharged by evening hopefully." He shared, "what do you want for dinner, it's my treat."
"Oh, can we get burgers? I am really craving those I don't why!" She chuckled weakly making him grin showing off his dimples.
"Sure, anything you want, love." He carefully leaned down to press a kiss on her forehead. It felt natural in the moment but he felt awkward real quick. "Hey, can I ask you something real quick? I don't know, it might be a bit of a wrong time to do so."
"What is it?" She let her hed relax more into her pillow, still teensy bit drowsy from the medications but technically sober and in her consensus. Harry took a hold of her hand, the pad of his thumb rubbing over her knuckles.
"How, how about after you're feeling better and have rested well enough, we, we— I mean you and I can go grab dinner sometime?" He asked nervously, he is a little scared to be honest but he's trying his best to act cool. "I mean like a date. I've always wanted to ask you out to be honest!" A soft embarrassed chuckle left his mouth.
"A date?"
"Yeah, only if you want it to be." He added quickly.
"You, you sure you want that?" YN asked, her eyes welling up with tears in instance. In her defence she was starting to get cramps now, bht it was just the partial reason of her getting emotional.
"Why wouldn't I be?" He announced more than making it sound like a question, "was going to ask you out the same day but got a last minute call from my manager and then shit happened. Hey, why are you crying?"
"You're asking me for a date, I just got rid of your and my baby." She pointed out feeling guilty.
"Hey, hey, hey that's not why I asked you out my love, it's because I genuinely like you!" He announced to her, "I just want to get to know you, you are the most genuine person I've met in a very, very long time now. And you placed yourself first, don't have to be guilty about it. You know I wish I would have asked this the very morning I booked you that cab back to yours. I wish I wouldn't have lost my phone then."
"Really?"
"Yes!" He chuckled, finding her red nose now adorably funny, "I really do feel that way. Not asking you out just because I got you pregnant, lovie. I really do like you a lot!"
"I qm going to cry, stop!" And her voice was choking already as she spoke, which made Harry pull her in a warm and tight embrace.
"I respect your choice YN, that's the bare minimum I could do, you deserve so much more." He whispered in her ear.
It's been weighing on her heart, when growing up all she was taught that when she finally get married and get pregnant she has to keep that child and care for it, it's her duty to do so. If she felt otherwise, she was being ungrateful of the great gift. Her family is very religious, still. And by-product of that belief is herself and other five of her siblings. Though it is going to take time to get over those internalised misogyny, she hopes she can over come those really.
She really do wants kids, she is not sure how or when yet, but she does. This time felt just way too wrong to her. She can barely take care of herself let alone take care a whole new human and teach it how to go by their day and manage their emotions. It is definitely much more than just being able to financially take care of someone.
After what felt like whole ten minutes but actually had just been a minute Harry tried to pull away but YN wouldn't let him. "No, please don't."
"Oh, no I won't darling." He held her tight again, "you'd still let me take you out?"
"Yes!" She chuckled softly. "I want to get out of the hospital first please!"
"Mhmm, for that you'll have to let me go so I can go and get a nurse." He informed her.
"Oh, yeah..." He let go of him reluctantly.
"I'll give you all the cuddles you want, first let's get you out of here." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
Soon they were out of the hospital and back at YN's. Harry was already planning a perfect date in his mind, given YN was adviced to rest (not bed rest) for a couple of days.
The next night Harry gave up and cooked up a nice and hearty meal for for both of them, they called it a date. According to Harry, that's the most romantic gesture he's ever done for anyone. Everything was starting to look like it was going to be fine.
......................................................................
N O T E:
Okay, so pls bare with me, my brain is a bit rusted lately. I apologise if this one sucks. I tried my best.
Also, pls feel to point out any typos, or not. I do not have time to go ahead and proof read this. I have to catch up on sleep. Hehe.
Hope you like it!!!
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Tag list:
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Lemme know if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list
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i-heart-hxh · 5 months ago
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In all honesty why do you think Killua made the number two comment to Gon? I feel like he doesn’t realize how messed up that is to say to someone who has gone through extensive trauma trying to prove himself to a father who also put him in “second place” to something he deemed more important. It was hurtful and I don’t see how that can be repaired now. Even if they do reunite Gon is going to just step on eggshells and fear that even one slip up will cause Killua to just leave him again. Idk I just feel like separation wasn’t the solution here. They needed to talk and then stay together. But “taking a break” rarely works out for any relationship. It also sucks that Gon constantly told Killua how important he was to him but Killua NEVER returned this sentiment verbally so Gon’s just stuck thinking he’s a piece of shit who destroyed his most important relationship. Killua really did just say “screw Gon I have Alluka now”.
Hello!
I don't agree with this interpretation at all; to me, there are a number of complex reasons why Killua made that comment, and I don't think it will destroy their relationship by any means.
This post--In-Depth analysis on the Hidden Reasons behind Gon & Killua's separation scene (ep 147) Why Gon is 'Number 2'--is the best starting point for anyone trying to understand the separation, in my opinion. It's cohesive, uses supporting evidence from the series and demonstrates the careful wording used in the separation, and it makes more sense than any other interpretation I've read of why Killua would make such a comment to Gon. I keep referring back to this post because I truly think it holds keys to understanding the separation that other posts I've seen don't.
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In addition to the insight provided in that post--where Killua is trying to put some distance between him and Gon for Gon's safety and well-being, essentially--I also think it's:
a) Partly how Killua is trying to steel himself to leave Gon, by telling himself, Gon, and Alluka that Alluka is his priority for now
b) Part of Killua's campaign of teasing Gon lightheartedly on the topic, to bring it up while at the same time downplaying the emotional effects of what happened between them--because when they're separating is not the right time for them to seriously address it or work through it
I do think the second place comment hurt Gon a little, but...Gon is already aware that he hurt Killua, and after his life was literally saved by Alluka (Nanika), being put in "second place" is not the worst outcome ever, honestly. Plus, it confirms he's still one of the most important people to Killua even after everything that happened between them! Killua is not saying Gon is trash to him now, even though it is a bit of a jab.
I've also said before that I think Togashi had Killua make this comment with awareness that we, as the audience, would be like, "Uh-huh Killua, sure, interesting of you to say this so shortly after you centered your entire life on him for basically the whole series and even seriously considered doing a lovers suicide with this guy..." We're most likely supposed to see it as Killua not being fully honest, even though Alluka does obviously mean a lot to Killua and by necessity she has to be his priority now. Plus, even Alluka herself says she'll give Killua back to Gon after a while. She must have some idea of how much Gon means to Killua, to be so willing to "give him back." I've said this before, but I see this line from Alluka about giving Killua back to Gon as a promise from Togashi to the audience that this isn't forever.
Gon isn't clueless; he knows Killua cares about him even though Killua struggles to express it verbally. The degree of trust and unspoken understanding between them in the dodgeball match is a good (albeit complicated) example of this. The two didn't communicate to the degree they needed to during Chimera Ant Arc, which makes sense because they're young and have their own issues and it was terribly traumatic for both for them, but they also have a good understanding of each other overall, and it's not giving Gon enough credit to assume he has no idea just because Killua hasn't said it. He doesn't know the full extent of Killua's feelings for him, certainly (I hope he will someday!), but he is aware Killua cares about him. Even when it comes to the separation, Killua expressing his pain shows that he still cares about Gon! He's saying that what happened still hurts, because he still cares! He's making light of it, but it's honestly a step in the right direction for him to be discussing it at all. If they can't be honest with each other about how what happened impacted them, they can't heal.
Of course it would be better for their relationship if they talked it out fully and came to some sort of resolution, but neither of them were in a place where they could do that quite yet. Killua is too closed up emotionally and hurting from seeing Gon essentially die in front of him, and Gon needs to recover from essentially throwing his life away and saying those things to Killua that we know he regrets. They do need some time apart to reflect and grow.
Are the two boys in a complicated emotional situation currently? Yes. Do I think this dooms them to never reconnect or heal their relationship? Absolutely not. I see their separation as more of a "We gotta go our separate ways for now because we both have things we have to deal with," (both externally and internally) than anything final. They agree to stay in touch, they express sadness at having to part, they make it clear several times that this is a temporary parting. Why make them clearly unsatisfied with having to part if they're not going to have an opportunity to make things right later?
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youcouldmakealife · 8 days ago
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PSA
The recent ask about SAIT gives me an opportunity I have been, well. Not waiting for, exactly, but preparing for, maybe?
TL;DR: Gritty's delayed indefinitely (not the 'indefinitely' that's a cowardly 'forever', the kind that actually does mean 'we don't know for how long')
More detail below.
SAIT is, at this point in time, projected to have 20-24 parts in 2024, rather than the 11-13 I was anticipating. Which is great! I'm genuinely really pleased that it's been cooperating, and I hope you all are too.
But, because those 10 extra parts had to come from somewhere, and it wasn't COTT (at least mostly), that brings us to news many of you likely figured was coming, especially as the year's gone on: Gritty (working title is actually Grit & Determination, like a very Philadelphian Pride & Prejudice) isn't going to be coming in 2024, as I'd been originally planning.
Most of the reason I've put off this Official Delay (other than garden variety procrastination, which can and does strike at will), was because I frankly don't want to delay it, and I was desperately trying to find a way to fit it in.
But SAIT has been going so well that I refuse to slow down at all, for fear I stop the momentum entirely, and I don't want to write less of COTT either. I think ongoing series should pretty much always outrank starting new projects on the whole priority list (or I will literally never finish anything ever again).
And there's another scheduling wrinkle coming, because there will be a Kickstarter coming in 2025, with all the attendant work involved. Add the fact I'm trying to figure out the writing pace that works for me without leading to burnout (and dealing with the frustration of that being slower than I'd like), and I'm hesitant to give a timeline beyond 'TBD'.
But please know that this absolutely isn't a case of 'lost inspiration/will/interest' or the like. It's more a result of me prioritizing certain things higher than I have been, and altering my projected workload to fit those priorities, the number one priority for me since I was diagnosed as a AA battery (autistic with ADHD) being to work at a pace I can sustain and maintain. Sustain and maintain meaning without missing deadlines (like every Kickstarter I have ever done), constantly shuffling projects around like they'll fit if I find the right combo, and risking my own health and happiness by refusing to acknowledge that I don't have the same energy levels as a) neurotypical people and b) myself in my 20s (who frankly didn't have the energy either, which is what led to burnout in the first place).
I'm bummed about it, and I totally understand if you are too, but it's still top of my priority list in the 'future series' category. It's just that the category itself is going to be delayed for a bit, because two series (and then two series plus a Kickstarter project) is all I can handle at the moment.
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caelysiiium · 4 months ago
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do you think tanfang would have kids in the future? i can see fang being a little nervous initially bc of his upbringing, esp if they have more than one kid, but his trust and feeling of security with tan helping those fears. and tan being the most supportive parent in the world who's so loud and proud of his husband and kid. i imagine they have a little boy and tan is the dad who matches his toddler energy 200% and is at the front of every event cheering loudly while fang reigns him in (and then joins in immediately w the biggest smile)
I think you nailed my thoughts exactly, anon. fang would definitely be hesitant at first, never having had that secure upbringing—his parents prioritizing their work in the false assumption that it'll be better for their kids down the road, growing up so young so quickly because it was up to him to take care of phum from a vast ocean away—and witnessing/experiencing first-hand the way neglect shatters a family. does he even have an example of what a happy childhood should look like? can he provide something he has never known to his children?
extrapolating from his insecurities depicted in the series, fang would wonder if he'd be enough. he knows he's not as openly affectionate as tan and he may overthink about how his every minute action impacts their kids and the way they perceive him compared to tan. I can imagine that he's terrified of turning out just like his father, as it's clear he's the closest of his brothers to the man, clinging desperately onto whatever tattered mess is left of their relationship (although maybe ep 16 will give us something different).
and of course tan will soothe these fears (phum too, because fang practically raised him and he knows the enormous capacity of fang's love). tan and his I see all of you and I love all of you and his constant words of affirmation and endless acts of service are already inspirations to fang, and they will continue to be as they navigate parenthood together. fang would never want his children to go through what he and his brothers had, and does his best to keep that promise. he still stumbles from time to time, especially at certain milestones where the three of them were never provided the appropriate parental support, but tan reminds him that he's allowed to make mistakes (we all do, after all; tan would as well, being a parent is hard), that he's not only his father's son, that he has come so far and there's always room to grow.
agreed, tan would be the most obnoxious [affectionate] parent in the world, loud and proud of fang and their children. I don't have definitive ideas on the number nor the genders—2 at most though, I don't think fang would be comfortable with more—but little boy or little girl or both tan would certainly match their energy and be helpless to their every whim. their child would have tan wrapped around their little finger, utterly in love and unable to tell them no. fang is still the voice of reason and would have to be the one to do any scolding, but yeah he would join in on their shenanigans more often than not (or, y'know, that fond eyeroll of exasperation, watching the loves of his life from the sidelines). again, not as openly affectionate as tan, especially in public spaces, but I like to imagine fang having a little bedtime ritual with their child—reading a story, perhaps, or counting the stars, or gossiping about schoolmates, or or or—sweet and tender and just the two of them. quieter in his love, yes, but every person under the sun knows that fang would level cities for their children.
both of them would unhesitatingly carve out family time, the home they built a sacred priority. tanfang would also be very protective, almost overbearing, which their child would 100% complain about as they grow older lol
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emeryhiro · 4 months ago
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Hi! Thanks so much for your epsiode breakdowns of the book of carol! I had a couple of questions for you about episode 1. No worries if you can't answer though!
1 - after watching, do you feel more or less confident about caryl going canon? Or about the same?
2- if you had to use three words to describe the ep, what would they be?
3- if you had to use three emojis to describe your fave scene, what would they be?
4- was there anything you didn't like about the ep?
5- do you think ep 6 is going to be the best episode of walking dead anything ever?
Thanks so much!!
Hey Anon!
You're so welcome 🩵 and thank you for the interesting questions 😊 I apologise in advance because my response for Q1 is going to be a little long and slightly ranty.
1 - When I compare how I felt about it in the last 10+ years to how I feel about it now after watching episode 1, I would say I definitely feel more confident that we're heading for Caryl canon. AMC indeed had plenty of opportunities to give us canon before (but obviously never did); however, the setup now is the best it's ever been. From a storytelling perspective, I believe the way Episode 1 set up Carol on her journey to find Daryl is the perfect lead-up for canon. And S02EP1 made 3 things very evident to me:
Finding Daryl is Carol's number one priority, and she'd do anything to get him back
Daryl would never be truly happy without her, and he can't stop thinking about her and how she's doing without him.
The longer they're apart, the more mentally and emotionally unstable they become.
I'm aware there are some people who think that after watching episode 1, the new season's story is not going to be the one we want for Caryl. To those people, I want to ask: Did we watch the same episode?🤣 'Cause I didn't see a single anti-Caryl thing in the episode I watched.
I'll dive into my opinion on the timing of canon a little more as well:
If Caryl had gone canon on the main show, I'm sure we would have all been so happy, but it's all going to be so much more rewarding after the tension that has now been built with Daryl after season one and Carol in season 2 (so far). With all the time they've spent apart, they have started to experience the real fear of never seeing each other again or knowing if the other is even alive.
I think this was the plan all along. The initial spin-off idea was for Carol and Daryl to leave the group and join everyone again later in the show. That opportunity to leave the group and what they experienced in that time away would have been their plan to get to that level of tension where canon was the most satisfying.
When it was decided that the TWD would end with s11, they knew they had to hold off on canon until the spinoff because there was no way they had enough screen time left to get through the character development they needed for Caryl or the opportunity to build tension the way they envisioned it.
I'm happy they waited because getting a rushed canon would've been led up to by moments that we've already seen and experienced by the characters many times before (and never previously led to canon) would not have done Caryl justice.
Unfortunately, the pattern that we consistently saw in the flagship show was that as soon the group settled somewhere (Prison, Alexandira, Commonwealth) and got into some sense of normalcy, Daryl and Carol were automatically pulled apart by circumstances and responsibilities, and barely end up getting any time together. Carol even spoke to Maggie about this in S11EP21. That's who Daryl and Carol are; they never put themselves or their wants/needs first. So, for canon to happen and to make sense, they needed to be taken away from everyone else, given their own journey and time together, without the distraction of their obligations to others.
Carol and Daryl are my favourite characters in all of fiction. I ultimately want them to be cared for and get the happiness they deserve. Some might strongly disagree with me on this, but I think if, after this point, they still don't give us canon, then it'd be because Norman and Melissa didn't want it. I'll stand by my previous comments on this; Norman and Melissa are being heard by the writers, and to me, their character arcs have their input written all over them. If they want Caryl to be canon (which I strongly believe they do), then it will be, and if they don't, then it won't be, because I don't think there's anything else holding that back anymore.
2 - EMOTIONAL, unhinged, and nostalgic
3 - 💥🛩️🌅 - I'm curious to know how you interpret these and if the people I attended the premiere with would agree ( @celtic-crossbow @maggie-atwood )
4 - I strongly disliked how the people at the nest (i.e. Isabelle & Losang) treated Daryl. We saw them constantly emotionally manipulate him in season 1, and I was still seeing that in S02EP1; however, what made it a little better this time was that Daryl was clearly sick of it all. He looked ready to wrap things up, resolve the Nest's conflicts as soon as possible, and start heading home.
5 - Idk... someone should ask Norman. I wish he'd share his thoughts on episode 6 🤣 (Yes, I do! To me, the whole season is gonna be the best season of twd anything ever because it's all about Carol and Daryl)
Thanks again for the interesting questions; they were a lot of fun for me to answer, and I hope I've answered them well. Please feel free to lmk if you have any others ♡♡♡
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meenafreezoid · 6 months ago
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Some King Dice headcanons ~
Hey, so I'm back at my Cuphead phase and I re-fell in love with the Dice Man, ehehehehehe ~ After watching Casino Cups again I had some headcanons (sfw) I'd like to share, let's gooo ! This include the game, the show and Casino Cups (I see it as the official prequel of the game ehehe)
💜🎲✨️ KING DICE ✨️🎲💜
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King Dice is just a pseudonym, no one knows his real name, except the Devil. But even him prefers to call him King Dice.
He is in his late thirty, at least in the game. He is a little bit younger of one or two years in the Show, and in his mid-forty in Casino Cups
He is a bisexual icon, definitely seduces both men and women, as the charming manager he is (also obviously a heart-breaker)
He is a Taurus Sun, Leo Moon and Leo Rising ~
He is terrified of getting old, and uses makeup in order to look younger. His appearance is one of his top priority.
Speaking of that, he is a morning person because he has a long beauty routine and like to take his time. This include shower, polishing his dice-head to make it shine, numerous concealers and skin-care products, a combo of eye-shadow and eye-liner, transparent gloss, sometimes blush and of course perfume, you name it.
Is also slightly muscular under his clothes, like to stay in shape <3
He never swears, he's to polite for that (except when he's very very angry)
PURPLE. Just Purple.
Everything he buy has to be purple (or gold)
Scatting is like his second language, the man express himself a lot with it. He scats out of pride, joy, stress, when he wants to calm himself down, etc.
By the way, he is a walking musical, the man is ALWAYS humming something. He even created his own band to occasionally play at the casino, after the Devil re-hired him.
He speaks multiple languages, including english of course, but also french, italian, spanish and german.
Definitely a cat and tea person (somewhat confirmed by DD)
He never had a particularly sad childhood and doesn't have trauma neither. On the contrary, he was the only child of a famous and very rich couple who built their empire on Inkwell Isle. His mother was a former actress and his father the head of a mafia organization. He grew up with everything he wanted, but his parents never paid that much attention to him. Not that they didn't love him, but they were such infatuated with each other that Dice never had a real place between them, he was secondary.
One day, another gang with whom Dice's father had a rivalty kidnapped his wife in exchange of his money. Deeply in love, he accepted, and they both ended up killed, King Dice was 15. Dice despise love and see it as a weakness because of this.
King Dice always had a mischevous side in him. Because of his parents negligence, he developped insecurities of failure and being forgotten, so his greatest wish was to surpass his parents's reputation and glory, whatever if he was feared or adored.
This is also why he is soooooo devoted to the Devil and needs his validation as his number one in the Cuphead Show, imagine being the literal Devil's Right Hand Man, who can surpass him then ?
King Dice gave birth to his pack of cards with his magic. He has them since he's a child, and considers them as his confidents and family, he's like a Lion with his tribe with them.
I like to imagine that King Dice and the Devil, since the Game's events, have a similar relationship to Snape and Dumbledore. Like, they aren't close emotionaly speaking (this is more Henchman's role), but they respect each other. King Dice is deeply loyal to the Devil and is his most trusted ally, his number one to whom he reveals every of his schemes. The Devil just has to make a hand movement and King Dice is like "Your wish is my command, boss". They act like a dark prince and his butler.
So, he has a fear of failure, uselessness and being forgotten, and see everything as a competition he has to win. This is why he killed all the Devil's finest demons in "Release the Demons", he needs constant praise and special treatment from the Devil to make up his insecurities. Because of his immaturity, the Devil was mainly annoyed by him in the Cuphead Show. That's when he gave him a second chance and created the casino that King Dice grew more close to his crueler and calculative personality from the game, and the Devil trusted him in making him his casino's manager
In a way, the Devil allowed King Dice's darkness to take over him by removing every of his human aspects : he became less emotive and goofy, not insecure anymore, etc...
Despite being close intellectually and professionally speaking, the Devil and King Dice are less about emotional discussion, unlike Henchman who acts like the Devil's confident. If the Devil ever cry in front of King Dice, he would probably be uneasy and try to be comforting but would fail miserabily : "Uuuuh... come on, man, get over it, it doesn't matter that much... ?"
Despite that, I think that when they grew closer between the Show and the Game, they started to have a sort of sexual tension and both are in denial of that. They do have some moments of intimacy when both end up blushing at each other, like when King Dice gets closer to lights up the Devil's cigar, or when they share a quick glance after a angry customer coming at them, knowing what has to be done next ~~
A bit like the Devil with Henchman, King Dice is grateful to people that are loyal to him since a long time and genuily care for him, like his little cards. King Dice is very egocentric, but that doesn't mean he is incapable of being attached. He is very protective actually.
That is a surprise to anyone, but maaan the Dice man has a beautiful voice, but he doesn't only sing jazz, or swing or showing off his lovely voice. Sometimes, when he's alone, or with his cards, he sings more emotional and soft tunes, like a lullaby.
That's it for now guys ! I hope you enjoyed it and if you want more <33
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lonely-business · 4 months ago
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I have been seeing a lot of wonderful takes about the last fifteen minutes of Good Omens season two. There are so many different interpretations of that scene that it is wonderfully fascinating to see how people reach conclusions and theories, so I thought I would throw in my two cents!
First of all, lets speak about Metatron. The mouthpiece of God and the Speaker and Scribe of Her Word. What he says is, in essence, what God says. He is the Highest of Angels and in some religious text was said to have been seated in the presence of God, which indicates that Metatron is the highest of all angels. Including all the Archangels. You can see him for a moment in the Gabriel's tribunal on one of the screens passing down harsh judgement.
We also see that he is not very kind. When he first speaks to Muriel he refers to her as "the dim one." He makes everyone very very nervous. The angels fidget and try to gain favor to be the next head Archangel after Gabriel. But Metatron is cunning. He lives by keeping your friends close (the angels simpering to him) and your enemies closer (appointing Aziraphale as the new head archangel.) And heknows that Aziraphale can't say no to that position; to do so would be highly suspicious and dangerous. Any good God-fearing angel would jump at the chance to serve to the fullest! It also keeps him away from Crowley. Metatron has seen what they can do together, so he must separate them.
Aziraphale knows that he is walking into a cage, no matter how gilded it is. He is going to be surrounded by beings who have mocked and belittled him his entire existence. It is going to be traumatic and his "family" will make his life hell. And he knows he's going to do it without Crowley, to save Crowley. The offer of Crowley becoming an angel again was something that Aziraphale never truly thought he would do. Aziraphale had to accept to keep Crowley safe and that has always been his number one priority.
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dreamonseems · 2 years ago
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love your writing 😍 could I please request something for erling where it’s your first time and he’s all sweet and concerned not to hurt you? 😘 xx
First Time
Erling Haaland X Female Reader
Summary: Reader remembering when she lost her virginity to Erling.
I hope this is OK. I feel like I'm so bad at writing smut, but I have such a fun time doing lol
⚠️ Warning: Smut!!!
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The moment Y/N and Erling shared their first intimate experience was nothing short of magical. Y/N could recall it as vividly as if it happened only yesterday. For her, it was an event of utmost significance, as she had not only lost her virginity but had done so with the man she loved and hoped to spend the rest of her life with.
As Y/N reminisced about that night, she could feel a tingle run down her spine. Erling had been a complete gentleman, treating her with the utmost care and tenderness. Every touch of his hands felt like a warm caress, sending shivers down her body. She could remember how his hands danced across her skin, exploring every inch of her with gentle curiosity.
It was clear to Y/N that Erling cherished and respected her body, as he took his time to message every part he could come across. The way he touched her made her feel like the most beautiful and desired woman in the world.
From the very first touch, he knew he had to take his time with her. He was patient and considerate, ensuring that she felt completely at ease in his arms. He would ask her how she felt whenever he tried something new, eager to learn what she liked and what she didn't. Her pleasure was his top priority, and he spared no effort to make sure she felt good in every possible way.
But it wasn't just his gentle touch that made her heart race. His kisses were like nothing she had ever experienced before. They were soft and tender, yet passionate and intense, leaving her breathless and yearning for more. With every kiss, she could feel his love for her, deep and true, radiating from every fiber of his being.
As she tried to reciprocate his affection and give him pleasure, he gently pushed her back, insisting that tonight was all about her. He wanted her to have a truly memorable night, and oh, did she ever. With every touch, he worked her body to perfection, sending waves of ecstasy through her being.
As his fingers brushed against her clit, a low moan escaped her lips, and she felt her body begin to quiver with pleasure. He slipped his first finger inside her, taking care to ask if she was okay and only proceeding when she said yes. He worked her nice and slow, thrusting his finger in and out as he rubbed her clit, building her up towards her first orgasm of the night.
And only then did he add another finger, asking her once again if she was okay before proceeding. He did this again when he added the third finger, and she told him that he didn't have to keep asking. But he looked deep into her eyes and told her, "I don't want to hurt you. I want you to enjoy yourself and feel good."
In that moment, she knew that she had found a lover who truly cared about her and her pleasure. And as she surrendered herself to the waves of pleasure coursing through her body, she knew that she had never felt more alive or more loved than she did in that moment.
And when was done preparing her and grabbed a condom. As he was slipping it on, she told him, "You don't have to use that. I want to feel you inside me." But he refused, telling her, "For your first time, the condom will help. It will give you more comfort with the extra lube on it. My number one goal today is to make you feel good and for it not to hurt as much."
She accepted his explanation, and he grabbed the lube and put some more on himself and her. Climbing back on top of her, he asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
She replied with a firm "yes," assuring him that she was very sure. He slowly slipped inside her, stopping along the way to ask her if she was okay. She could see the fear of hurting her in his eyes, and she loved him even more for it.
As he was fully inside her, he stayed there for what felt like hours, letting her adjust to his size and only moving when he was one hundred percent sure she was okay. The first few thrusts, even though they were slow and gentle, hurt. Tears appeared in her eyes, and he stopped and started kissing them away, asking her if she wanted to stop. But she said no, and he let her adjust again before moving nice and slow.
Soon, the pain turned into pleasure, and she encouraged him to go faster. But he still didn't want to hurt her, so he increased the speed a little, but still keeping it slow and gentle enough. He rubbed her clit again, making her orgasm two more times that night before he came himself.
As they lay there, panting and sweating, he whispered, "I love you." And she knew, in that moment, that she had made the right choice. They had taken the next step in their relationship, and it had been perfect.
As she has these memories going through her mind. She thinks just how It was as if he had been put on this earth just for her, to love her, cherish her, and make her feel special. And as she lay there, lost in his embrace, she knew that there was no other place she'd rather be, no other person she'd rather be with. For in his arms, she found the kind of love that most people only dream of - pure, unconditional, and forever.
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erika-xero · 1 year ago
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Thinking a lot of how social media affect art, how it is getting increasingly more difficult to earn money with it and honestly it just... makes me so sad?.. Disclaimer: I do not want you to pity me. I just want to share some thoughts. Some fears, maybe. Some regrets.
I know that I might never be able to make a good fortune by drawing illustrations, because it seems that I was entirely wrong with my priorities? I always wanted to do more: bigger pieces, more characters and hidden details. I wanted my art to tell a story, if possible.
Who could possible know that most of the people will move to mobile devices with small vertical screens, on which wide detailed illustrations with cinematic feel will look the worst?
Who could possible know that the algorythms of the social media would want you to draw MORE yet, somehow, draw less? I could go insane doing the same stuff over and over again: small portraits, halfbodies in the same simplistic style because they look best in instagram or on tumblr mobile app and gather more attention? And they are also faster to make, thus you can please the allmightly algorythm posting every day or two?..
I love my work, I adore doing various things, I love it when one week I work on a traditional art fullbody with a golden halo and the other three weeks - on a digital artwork with a dynamic fighting scene. But gods. How tiring is it to know that the piece you've been working on will get barely any attention, because three-weeks gap in my posting schedule will, for sure, upset the allmighty algorithm.
They say that it is always bad to switch style or a theme, because people get upset and unfollow you once they see something they aren't waiting to see. Different character body type? Unfollowing. Different facial feature? Unfollowing. Different aesthetic? Unfollowing.
Slightly different shading and coloring? Unfollowing.
But variety has key importance to me. I wish to draw characters which are drastically different from each other. I want to experiment. I want to explore. I want a drawing to be a puzzle I will be solving for hours, days, weeks, never getting bored. I do not wish my work to become a rutine to serve the algorithm or even the general public.
I see, like, those commercially succesfull artists, who post every day earning more money per week than I will be ever earning per month. It is all the same story over and over again: conventionally attractive characters. Halfbodies. Pleasant facial expressions: faint smiles, slightly raised eyebrows. Simple pose, 3/4, detailed clothing. Always the same stylistic choises. Always the same aesthetic.
Of course, sometimes they do draw stronger, bigger pieces, they experiment, they search for something new - but mostly secretely. In private. During the free time they earn - by their hard work and dedication.
I... can not afford drawing stuff for myself in my free time. Honestly, I don't have free time either than the time I spend on my trips to hometown - the only moments I could spend with my family. Neither can I draw five similar pieces in a row, because my brain starts to melt like a strawberry sundae?.. Because when I get bored, I lose concentration? Because, I made variety the key feature of my art and this turned out to be the worst decision an artist can make?
Am I just... weak? Am I stupid? Am I unworthy? Am I childish for wanting my job to be fun and entertaining and fulfilling to do?
There's this group chat I am in, and today someone, the succesful artist, said that anyone, who has less than 10K followers are, to say so, a no one? All of a sudden I feel so upset. My day is ruined. I never had 10K anywhere but VK (which is absolutely useless to anyone doing commissions). I never even cared about numbers... I never wanted to be big. Be popular. For most of the time, my biggest wish was to feel... fulfilled? To be happy, be proud of what I am doing?
I feel fulfilled. But I also don't want to starve myself to death. And I certainly feel like if I, one day, will want to have family, I wouldn't be able to make enough money to afford having a child.
Was I... entirely wrong? Did I waste my time chasing phantoms? Is it too late for me? Will I be among those, who might not survive the hard times, at least, as an artist?
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sonicasura · 5 months ago
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Not sure if the Kaiju number 8 world is escapism for the characters, or me. Probably both. Somehow I always bring KNACK around to sad/weird.
Lucas looks up to Reno, who is older than him but has similar traits. Lucas is too young to join the Defense Force, but in the meantime, he's likely to hang out more and more in that universe and hear the stories. Reno is kind of like an older brother, which is a role Knack can occupy only sometimes.
Once Reno impresses on Lucas how dangerous Kaiju are and why Kafka's secret is so important to keep, poor Kafka feels teamed on when he gets two earfuls about being reckless instead of one.
Knack gets chewed out, too, because Lucas wants to keep him safe. Though Knack may at some point tell him to 'zip it!' When priorities change.
The safety of his friends and family is more important than Knack's own protection. In that respect, him and Kafka's tendencies align.
He burns through Sunstone energy like fire through gasoline, however, those times he gets involved in battle. Kaiju are *nothing* like humans and goblins. I wonder how he might mess with Kaiju sensors, if at all.
Kafka's fatherly tendencies have interesting effects on the KNACK boys. Lucas finally feels listened-to and valued by an adult, and after the boys figure out how Knack's portals work, Lucas feels less and less inclined to return home every visit. Especially after getting into arguments with the Doctor. I think Kafka recognizes this as a problem, but I'm not sure how he approaches it.
The weirder part might be Knack's temperament. Knack's been alive for less than a few years, and I headcanon that this is his only go around with the whole existing thing. So Knack has always been as he is. Kafka has only been half-kaiju for less than a year, but is in his thirties, as we know.
Knack asks Kafka how he handles being different, mistreated for his looks even though he's human. Knack probably made an assumption that Kafka has had his kaiju powers for longer than he really did. Lucas points out that Knack seemingly implied that Knack is human when he isn't. And Knack shuts down after that, only giving one-word answers or silence for the rest of the talk. That's why it's kinda weird and I'm not sure how to explain Knack's feelings. He likes how he is and the way he looks, so he's not ashamed of himself in that way. But he called himself human for some reason.
This just makes me think back to Knack 1 where the Doctor says that Charlotte was his better half alongside Lucas genuinely being an orphan(lost his mother and no father in the picture). He genuinely cares for the two but sometimes his interests get the better of him. I think that's why Knack alongside Lucas have been exploring on their own while Doctor and Charlotte were at the Monk Temple in Knack 2.
A massive argument which makes the older man realize both his assistants need time to grow as their own individuals while he needs to reflect on himself. They do separate on better terms though when Lucas' group ends up seeking the Doctor for help in Knack 2. Both our younger heroes definitely flourished during their personal journey.
It also makes senses why Lucas ends up losing it later on in Knack 2, he doesn't want to be pushed to the wayside and ignored again especially for his blocky brother figure. An irrational fear as Knack would never dare replace Lucas something reaffirmed once the two are stranded on that island together.
Reno and Kafka sorta just speed up the process of the eventual separation. Both give the younger boys that needed reassurance but also validation. Kafka and Knack cope with not being human alongside learning about themselves better. Lucas gets to really show off his ideas but actually feels seen due to Reno than just our favorite himbo. Both people allow our boys to truly grow into their own individuals.
You can say exploring the world of Kaiju No. 8 is like finally being able to leave the nest in my opinion.
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themuse-if · 9 months ago
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20 (or so) Questions with Ro Sawyer
Let's find out what Ro is all about! Are they just charisma and charm or is there something else under all that bravado?
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Interviewer: Hey Ro! Thanks again for doing this. Love the look by the way! Let's dive in. When's your birthday?
Ro: Hey! Thank you for having me! My birthday is August 8th. A proud Leo through and through.
Interviewer: Awesome! Do you go by any nicknames, or is it all about Roxanne/Robbie?
Ro: Yeah, my friends call me Ro. It's got a certain edge to it that I dig.
Interviewer: Nice choice. So, beyond the Rebel Rejects and the music scene, what are some of your good traits?
Ro: Well, I've got this knack for bringing people together. Whether it's on stage or just hanging out, creating connections is something I love.
Interviewer: That's a great trait. And how about the other side of the coin? Any bad traits you're willing to share?
Ro: I can be a bit impulsive. It's that punk spirit, you know? Sometimes decisions are made in the heat of the moment. Even still I can't say I have any regrets.
Interviewer: Makes sense. Alright, what about hobbies outside of music? What does Ro enjoy when not rocking the stage?
Ro: Exploring the city is a big one. I love finding those hidden spots, meeting new people, and finding little hidden gems that I wouldn't have known about otherwise. It keeps life interesting.
Interviewer: Cool, I can see you're pretty adventurous. Now, let's talk strengths. Besides the stage presence, what do you consider your greatest strength?
Ro: I thrive under pressure. When things get intense, that's when I'm at my best. It's like a switch flips, and I go into overdrive.
Interviewer: Impressive. And on the flip side, what's your biggest weakness?
Ro: Patience, or lack thereof. Waiting around has never been my strong suit. I want things to happen, and I want them now. * looks the interviewer up and down very slowly*
Interviewer: Got it... One word to describe yourself?
Ro: Unapologetic.
Interviewer: Powerful choice. And how do you think others see you in one word?
Ro: Magnetic. I've been told I have this pull that draws people in, on and off the stage.
Interviewer: Totally get that vibe. Now, let's go a bit deeper. What's your greatest fear?
Ro: *leans forward, and clasps their hands* Losing the connection with the audience. It's like a lifeline for me. Without that energy exchange, it feels like I've given all of myself and then received nothing in return.
Interviewer: I see you need that exchange to make it feel worth while. What are your top priorities at this point in your life?
Ro: Keeping the Rebel Rejects together is number one. Making it big is the goal, and university is just a fun little stepping stone on that journey.
Interviewer: Hmm, I see. Ok, Family time! Tell me about your family.
Ro: We're a tight-knit bunch. They're supportive, even if they don't fully get the punk scene. Mom's got this knack for making killer vegan pizza – a family tradition. I've got a little brother, he just turned 13 and is absolutely unbearable. I will miss him though.
Interviewer: Aww I see we've found your soft spot. Now, future plans. What are your goals?
Ro: World domination with Jo and De by my side, of course. But on a personal level, I want to grow as an artist and make music that leaves a mark.
Interviewer: Admirable goals. Rainy days – how do you spend them in more detail?
Ro: Picture this – cozying up with a book, probably a rock biography or something by Patti Smith. Vinyls spinning in the background, rain tapping on the window. It's a vibe.
Interviewer: Love the imagery. Favorite book?
Ro: "Just Kids" by Patti Smith. Her journey through art and rebellion resonates with me on a different level.
Interviewer: Solid choice. And your favorite movie?
Ro: "Velvet Goldmine." Glam rock, the visuals, the rebellion – it's like a visual symphony that speaks to the soul.
Interviewer: Great taste. Alright, any dark secrets you're willing to share?
Ro: Well, my songwriting gets pretty personal. It's a cathartic release, and sometimes, the lyrics reveal more about me than I might openly admit.
Interviewer: I'll have to start listening to your lyrics more intently it seems. Ok Ro, on a lighter note, what's your best physical feature?
Ro: Just one... I really like my freckles I think they enhance all my other features, and they look great on camera. *flashes a toothy grin*
Interviewer: *clears throat* Uh yes they really, um nice... *looks down at notecards* Right, and what's your least favorite physical feature?
Ro: I honestly don't have one... Not to sound conceited but I wouldn't change one damn thing.
Interviewer: Ah yes, I figured you'd say something like that. Lastly, how would you describe being in love in more detail?
Ro: It's like a collaboration. Sharing life with someone who knows all the reasons behind every lyric. It's a wild, unpredictable, and beautiful ride – much like the Rebel Rejects' journey. Beyond all of that it just feels right like you couldn't imagine such an endeavor with anyone else. *looks interviewer dead in the eye* Not that I've ever been in love.
Interviewer: Mhm, beautifully put Ro. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and giving us a deeper look into your world. Can't wait to see what the future holds for you and the Rebel Rejects!
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pompadourpink · 2 years ago
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Bonjour! I just saw the ask of the lost 17 year old and I cant help but feel like Im in a similar position. I'm 28 years old and I feel like I shouldve figured out what I want to do in life. I feel like I wasted my 20s on simply going with the flow and "ill figure it out later" mentality. I've also recently been fired from a job I should love but after three months I found so boring. I stayed there for a year just to get some exeprience. Now that Im unemployed again I get rejected over and over again and feel so useless. Even for jobs Im excited about the passion fizzles, and I dont even know what I want to do. Or what I'm even good at anymore.
Hello dear,
Dr Write too much, PhD, is back in the office, woohoo!
One, you're not supposed to have an epiphany one night and find out what your calling is. You don't have one. You're not a machine. You're a brain in a meat suit and you came without instructions, which means you don't have a function. Capitalism put us in this position. Existing is enough, and work is a human invention - food and shelter originally didn't have a price tag. We tend to think of the Ancient Greeks as the most advanced, wisest civilisation there's ever been. Do you think they wondered about what their manager is going to say if they dodged their phone call at 9pm on Friday or lost sleep over getting ghosted on Tinder? No, they had a lot of wine, a lot of bread, a lot of sex, and walked around in beautiful gardens with their companions. And they didn't feel bad about it. Why would they?
Two, you can reinvent yourself as many times as you want. Storytime!
When I went to Rome for my birthday back in 2018, I bumped into a Colosseo guide named Tahar who was around my boomer father's age and so happy to make a friend he started telling me about his life over breakfast, how he had studied physics, loved the stars, never had a family so he travelled a lot, had been in Rome for about a month, and gotten the job by hanging out around the Colosseo and having little talks with other guides in French, English, Arabic and broken Italian until their boss decided to hire him just because he was friendly. He even confessed that at night, he would go and have a drink in fancy bars to try and find tourists to sell tours to at a higher price so he could pocket the difference.
At the time, I was nearly 26, ten days away from leaving a terrible minimum-wage job, had lived in the same area of the country my whole life and the same city for 8 years, had a recently broken heart and was still recovering from a severe case of mononucleosis that is still to this day the worst pain I've ever felt.
I didn't stay in touch with Tahar because he got flirty and started insinuating that it wasn't too late for him to settle down and have a kid or two while holding my hands and that was not going to happen. However, I still think about him once in a while, when I catch myself being paralysed by fear of the unknown.
My guy had nothing, no house, furniture, wife, kids, local friends, parents, savings, was paid to ramble about history and make jokes in the sunshine, lived paycheck to paycheck; and he was happy, tanned, eating fruit and drinking wine with a huge smile on his face nella bella Roma, kilometres away from thinking of himself as a failure. He was doing exactly what he wanted, and where, and when, and with whom, and while he clearly wasn't a role model, he is the one person I have ever met who lived life on his own terms and is 100% going to die without regrets.
Three, take a step back. I talked about it recently but it is vital that we calm down and stop chasing numbers and short-lived adrenaline. Go spend a day outside, at the beach, in the countryside, the mountains - it doesn't matter, just away from home, and lay down, relax, and listen to what the world has to say to you. We all love to think that happiness is our number one priority, but it is rarely the case - I hinted about it in the 17-year-old post: if you think of your perfect day and compare it to your current circumstances, those two lists would be very different. We keep talking to people who make us miserable, eating stuff that gives us tumtum aches, wearing shoes that hurt our feet, and wonder why we are upset and can't sleep well.
And I'm guilty of that too. I have always had that mental image of the seaside, a walk on the beach, the sun, a dog, lavender ice cream, a man and a couple of kids running around, and then home, a movie, a blanket, the fire. I don't have any of that. I live in a very grey city, alone with my geriatric cat, working all day long, not knowing where to go, changing my mind constantly, thinking maybe I should just stay here and keep saving money for a house, drowning in my routines like a little hamster on a wheel. I love my life, but I'm not satisfied yet, because like you, my 20s were spent differently, and now I'm trying to catch up a little.
The truth is that I'll never be where my former classmates who took a different path are, but they will also never be where I am. They have more regrets than me. They look at my life, my freedom, my absence of morning alarm, my joy, my projects, my head full of dreams, and they envy me. I am *that girl* who spent an hour this morning looking up how to move to Barcelona as an entrepreneur within the Schengen space. You are her too, people just won't tell you.
So what do you do now? You find a part-time job you're not going to hate and won't have to take home at night so you can pay bills, you look for your joy until you find it, you explore your interests, figure out your goals, maybe see if you have a (current or potential future) skill you could use to start a side-business, alone or with another person, whether it's baking or tailoring, that you could do routinely without hating yourself after a while, and spend your free time doing exactly what you want. If it fails, the end of the road is very far away and you can always try again.
It won't be a waste of time. That's not how time works.
Love,
Mum
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jimmyandthegiraffes · 10 months ago
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Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈
Thank you sm @itwoodbeprefect for the tag!!!
I hardly published anything this year so if u wanna skip to 'projects for 2024' that's gonna be the most interesting bit >.<
Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚
words posted: 714 💀 but many more words were written, just not posted lol fics posted: 1 first fic/last fic 😅: King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963)
Ships and Fandoms ⚓
Doctor Who - no ships really but KotE is Mike Yates-centric.
Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆
It's KotE again lol which is at 6 kudos. Of all time, tho:
After the Hour(glass) - Night at the Museum (Jedtavius)
Less Than Ideal Circumstances - The Man from UNCLE (TV) (Napollya)
When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV)
Dismiss Your Fears - Back to the Future
After All, I'm Only Sleeping - Doctor Who (1963)
Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖
KotE......... I do actually rly enjoy KotE I think it has potential in terms of where it's going. But since I only posted one fic in 2023, I'll do my top 5 of fics I've ever posted. Apart from the first one this is in no particular order
tickertape - The A-Team (TV) it's my baby it's all I thought about for months of my life, it's like an iceberg (i.e. most of it is in my WIP doc, and only a tiny fraction is published so far), it got me thru a difficult time, it's an exploration of mental illness and complicated messy relationships expressed in epic format (i.e. it's probably gonna be novel length when it's done)
Bullet Number Six - Starsky & Hutch (TV) it received criticism for being obscure and hard to follow bc it switches pov briefly halfway thru but idc i love it anyway
I Gotta Right to Sing the Blues - The A-Team (TV) it was my first A-Team fic and I still think for a beginner it nailed some p realistic in-character dialogue and addressed an undertone I wished I'd seen addressed in the ep it's a coda to.
When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV) it's kind of riddled with certain mannerisms of my slightly older writing which I personally find a bit annoying and have worked to iron out for the sake of elegance over the years. but I still think it's a cool little exploration of all my sleep headcanons for the pair of them in one place
King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963) see it made it to the list after all! I kinda like it more for its potential than for what it is right now butttttt who cares.
special mention to Unbereft (Starsky & Hutch) which I really really like but I wrote it in one frenzied sitting and only remembered after I'd posted it that it was very like someone else's fic I'd read several years previously. I don't think it's too much like to be taken down and I've since mentioned the writer of the other fic (it was dawnwind, hello!) in the notes. that's the only reason unbereft isn't in my top 5 because I'm otherwise really proud of how well it's written. Not to tootle on my own trumpet.
Fandom fic events
none RIP but maybe this year!!
Projects for 2024
Okay here we goooooooooooo
priority 1 is to finish the unfinished works that I've already half posted: King of the Eyesores, Every Line A Comedy, OUTATIME, The Windhover, tickertape, The Hanoi Bank Job and Other Misadventures, 38 Hours. Bolded are my top priorities.
other works that I'm writing but which haven't seen the light of day at all yet:
Dear Mike - an epistolary between Jo Grant and Mike Yates following her marriage to Cliff Jones.
The Lark/Behind That Locked Door (working titles) - a 30-chapter 2/Jamie fic about season 6B in which Jamie suffers permanent memory problems after the War Games. It explores grief, social ostracism, feeling abandoned, undirected anger, guilt, and acceptance that healing sometimes is a process that is never complete. I've been working on it since about 2016 lol but I'm lazy I just need to press on.
hell valley au - as yet untitled lol. In which the Hell Valley!Marty (who is never seen in BTTF2 as he is in Switzerland) and Hell Valley!Doc (who has been institutionalized) break out of their respective situations and go on the run together. But there's a problem - they had to leave Einstein behind, and when they get information that Einie is to be used for a dogfight, they make the risky decision to go back to Hill Valley to rescue him. However, going back to the place they just escaped by the skin of their teeth also brings them face to face with the last person they expect to meet.
a changed man (working title) - a Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) fic from Jeannie's pov. mostly it's about their picnic excursions but it's also about Jeannie wishing Marty wasn't such an elephant in the room
mfu/rahd xover (untitled) - the first chapter of this is almost ready to go tbh. it's what it says on the tin lol, Napoleon and Illya go to London and get help from a rather eccentric private detective who has uncanny powers of solving impossible cases but also they think is probably clinically insane
to see him happy - VERY weird rahd fic. it's smut but its also about grief. might never post it because several of my family members have access to my tumblr and therefore my ao3 lol they dont need to see that
the winter of '62 - a study of jeff and marty's life when they lived together in a grotty bedsit and couldnt afford to put the heating on
star wars (untitled) - set during ROTJ, han pov. han's lost a lot of time and now everyone is one step ahead of him which isn't a sensation he's used to
skyrissian - what it says on the tin lol
the older gen (untitled) - jeeves fic about bertie's aunts and uncles and parents as they were as they variously grew up, got married, had children, died (or didn't), fell prey to alcoholism or insanity or petty crime, went to war, prospered (or didn't)... This is pretty unlikely to be finished this year tbh as it's very detailed but I can dream
a couple of long form fics about starsky & hutch and mfu respectively (the s&h one is set post sweet revenge, the mfu one takes place at various moments throughout the show)
x-files series - canon compliant until paperclip and then gradually diverges into how i think the show should have gone lol. another biggie
and a handful of tintin fics that im protective of and might never post but we'll see - one where tintin and chang go on holiday in london after picaros, one where the gang encounters rajaijah one last time (featuring a letter from didi, chang making a very daring crossing at the songolese border, and tintin taking about ten years to chop up a clove of garlic), and one where tintin gets shitfaced at an embassy ball and accidentally starts an Incident. haddock looks on, appalled.
i knoooooooooooooooowww this is a lot but i'm not realistically hoping to finish it all this year but it's nice to have lots of things to play around with lol.
unfortunately i have the eternal problem of not ever knowing which of my mutuals write fic and which of those havent already been tagged but imma tag @theteaisaddictive and genuinely if u see this and u write fic ur tagged i want to knowwwwwwwwwwwww <333
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