#but not a whole lot

[shrublee]

erm- im just gonna leave this here-

[anotherferalrat]

omg yall finally got past jarilo-vi and the dan heng loreeee is starting BUT IM SCAREDDDD BC Himeko was like when all this is said and done, you'll come back to travel with us right? (or smth like that) BUT HE PAUSED FOR TOO LONG

AND THEN P SURE HE NEVER ANSWERED

This mf getting kidnapped by the homies ong rip dan heng u were a real one...

[deezeyrabbidy]

Nature's Biggest Mistake: Daphne's Tale (AU Lore Stuff)

(This is my currently written backstory for Daphne in my Edge and the Spark Hunters AU. I finally got around to posting thanks to some encouragement from @pastelprince18! ^^ I hope you, and everyone else, enjoy this.........) (Also, cw for mentions of nudity)

Daphne never had a mother in a traditional sense, though she did technically have a birther. Deep in the forests of Terra Flora's more obscure corners lay a large, monstrous bloom, a flower looking like the unholy beast version of a gorgeous pink rose……vines surrounded it's delicate petals, mobile and connected to parts underground unknown to man.

They say a weary traveler wandered through the think underbrush and documenting sights unknown. And then he came across the mother, and the mother took interest in him…… the specifics are best left unsaid, but the man did survive. Shaken, but he vanished from the forest, never to be seen again, and to this day his identity remains largley unkown, even today.

It took months upon months for anything notable to stir, but a second blossom was budding just below her gorgeous petals……It grew like a pimple or a boil, sagging and drooping and twitching more like a disgusting starving animal than that of an incoming blooming bud. But grow it still did, almost reaching it's mother in size, and dragging her down with it's weight. Finally the bud was as flush and bright as the plant that stood above it. But yet it wouldn't bloom, despite it's flourishing. Strange!

At long last, after it seemed like this bulb was nothing more than a dud parasitic offspring, the petals unfurled with little real splendor…

Sending a slimy, writing infant tumbling face-first into the muddy, marshy ground below. Miracle it didn't hit a thorn on the way down.

The flower was blooming at full capacity, but even now it showed signs of beginning wither. The intrigue anyone could've had over this spectacle of nature was given way to a rather pathetic sight indeed. No goddess of the forest or even a cloned, asexually produced monster resembling it's parent. Just a sputtering slimy Rabbid with root-like strings still attached like dried up umbilical cords. It was quite literally just an ugly, crying baby already covered in mud and filth.

Despite the rather sad state of it all, the baby was not as left for dead as one might think. For the mother's tendrils draped on down and dripped a bitter saplike fluid, which provided the newborn abomination with the nutrients in order to survive. It was a fucked up version of a bàby's bottle of milk, and I dare say most babies would rather starve than deal with mouthfuls of bitter, honeylike sap pouring down their throats.

While this need for food was fulfilled, the mother made no further moves to interacting with the baby she had brought into the world. The flower from which she fell from wilted and withered as the child grew, the petals falling away like nothing had grown there to begin with. Daphne had no name. No parents to give her one. And no guidance or care from any fauna around her.

Hell, not like she knew anything different. She was ,in essence, a wild animal, who only knew her mother as a source of sustenance, even as she began to enjoy the taste of…..fauna……small fauna, but protein is protein. She hardly even encountered another being that even looked like her own image. Her home lay far from the desirable, organized flower farms and gardens that Terra Flora was famous for. And even those who dared to venture into the woodlands would usually not come anywhere near her area, she lived so deep within the brush. And she wasn't even a perfect facimile; her tongue was like a smooth, ridged vine that snaked from her maw. Her fingers ended with smooth, plantlike skin rather than the oddly silky fur that were actually strand of plant fibers that grew from her skin. Her seemingly Rabbid disguise was easy to pick apart once one got up close. Her eyes, though hidden by her unkempt locks of pale blue hair, were little more than membrances on her face, that simply were good at detecting light, color, and shapes like a normal rabbid's eyeballs. And neither of these things even compared in jarringness to her 'tails'; they acted like semi-independent appendages that could stretch far beyond Daphne's arm reach, and their lethally sharp spines could inject a powerful nuerotoxin into her hopeless prey......by all accounts, she was a freak. A freak to rabbidkind and a freak of the nature she was birthed from.

However, she had reached adulthood after a while, and nearly a year after her eighteenth birthday, a strange ship landed amongst the dense forestation…….

The spark hunters were on a stakeout. Some fortunate sparks had taken refuge amongst the deepest corners of the unknown forests, and even disregarding that, the isolated woods were devoid of other Rabbids…….right? It was the perfect hiding location for the then group of three. Daphne experienced an animalistic sence of wonder and joy; After so many years, there was a thing, a new thing, that had arrived in the woods! It smelled odd, it felt surprisingly smooth! What was this bizarre, massive behemoth of a structure, thought the plant hybrid. It also felt warm inside too, if the weird things in the back expunlging filthy dust into the air was any indication…..perfect for a nap if she could get within.

The forest HAD been getting rather chilly given the many recent rainy days……

It's her lucky day, it seems! Since this location was so far from any sane rabbid's dwellings, the door to the Spark Hunter's spaceship had been completley left unlocked…….As Daphne had been watching from the underbrush, a still-alive Midnite had exited later than her colleagues, allowing the plant rabbid to get a good idea of how the door kind of worked…….

Still, it was like seeing a cat or dog pathetically paw at the lever knob on a door handle. but, like those cats and dogs, eventually, she found success…….and was met with almost instant confusion and bewilderment at quite literally everything about the inside. No flowers, no trees, no dirt or rock walls, even. And the only plant that seemed to be present was made of a rather artificial shiny material. Suddenly it wasn't looking so comfortable……..but it was still new! And still so warm........

……It had been hours, and it seemed like what few sparks that were actually present were still too slippery through the complicated forest layout for even the deft and nimble Edge to catch. THey had decided to call quits for this area early, as Midnite was clearly catching some sort of bug from this damp, soggy weather anyhow. Better preparations were needed.

But when they finally returned to their ship, all three were mortified to see that their door had been opened, complete with a filthy trail of mud and leaves leading up and past it…….The inside did not fare much better than the pathway. Whoever had intruded had clearly not had a single care for any form of hygiene or tidiness; more mud caked the corners and walls, even the control panels had sloppy prints all over it, And almost anything in the main living area that hadn't been pinned down was overturned, thrown about, or even torn to some extent. What sort of wild animal had managed to barge in?…..Still,they could find no such animal anywhere they looked. For all they knew, whatever had been through the ship had already left, likley at hearing them approaching. As if this day could not be any more of a failure, now they had to clean up all this muck.

Hoop de doo.

After what took almost an hour and a half of tidying alone, the Spark Hunters were all too eager to set a course to home. It'd be a few hours, but overall they were greatful to finally be flying home. All three, with the ship set on autopilot, retired to bed for a nap……..

And then, just as they were falling into a semipleasant sleep, loud BANGBANGBANGs were heard from somewhere in the ship.

Everyone feared the worst as they clambered out of the cramped sleeping quarters; had the previously mentioned intruder, in fact, stayed aboard the vessel after all? More banging ,and even some noises resembling screeching, was heard from the boiler closet, and there was the added fear that whatever was in there would somehow damage the water boiler, possibly causing a catastrophic meltdown of the ship's waterworks, and bringing about a flood could even prove deadly so far from any planets or rest stops.

A blaster at hand, Midnite led the group to the door…….she warned them to stand guard, as they had no clue who or what was lingering in such a small, cramped closet…….. And then, she opened the door, and what a sight to behold! A naked woman with filth covering her from head to toe! Her hair filled up as much of the room as she did, and she hissed and wailed as she clung to the wall, crammed between it and the warm metal of the boiler. What's more, her tail was not just a ball of fur and bone, but two wriggling, thrashing tendrils, tipped with odd, mouthlike splits, almost like two wicked snakes trying to keep her protected from the sudden, bizarre rabbids who now had her cornered.

She lunged at Edge, almost managing to bite her right on the forearm, only stopped by Bedrock's quick acting, as she pushed out her arm to shove the intruder against the wall of the ship. They had just been sleeping a quarter of an hour ago,and now they had to deal with what seemed like a bizarre exhibitionist who wasn't responding to anything they were yelling and behaving more like a frightened mangy dog than any proper, sentient being.

It took another half an hour until they had finally managed to improvise somewhat of a prison for this intruder; Bedrock slid the hefty weaponry crates on board in front of a locked closet door (obviously not the boiler closet, shoes and jackets were a LOT safer to leave with this madwoman.), on top of thedoor being thoroughly locked and checked repeatedly. Well, now they had a mystery woman on board, and they were a good distance away from home…….the hunters discussed in the dark living area, and eventually agreed it would be best to dump her back in the filthy forestland she probably came from……..until a message ping suddenly blared from the terminal.

It was Cursa. The room suddenly felt so much colder as it sunk in that she had been WATCHING. She NEVER usually bothered to watch them from the ship, they were too petulant and meek of beings for her to care for their wellbeing during travel. What could compel her to peek in now, of all times to do so?

"BRING HER TO THE BASE. SHE IS USEFUL FOR MY GOALS. DO NOT DELAY THIS ANY LONGER!"

…..How in the name of Cursa would some blue-haired forest nudist be of any sort of use to hunting sparks? Midnite, Edge, and Bedrock all looked at each other, sure that Cursa had gone completely mad, or was fucking with them on purpose…..But orders were orders. It wasn't like they were being asked to murder puppies or throw themselves off a cliff, what was the worst that bringing this bitch home could do?………

A lot, it turned out.

So they reluctantly obliged, bringing the lass home. The first thing they attempted to do was get this rabbid at least somewhat clean so she wouldn't leave muck and filth all over their own home………

That was a FAR MORE diffuclt task than any of them could ever imagine. This bitch wailed and shrieked like they were putting a knife to her skin, and, even when they managed to get her hands and feet bound tight togetherm she still thrashed and screamed and screamed some more, and the outdoor lake they used for bathing was soon dirtied with who-knows-how-much mud and leaves and dirt. Her hair was it's own immense nightmare. Almost every inch seemed like it had tangles, knots, and mats, on top of the pounds of assorted filth and even bugs that dirtied it. Nearly an hour went by and still they were nowehre close to done with her hair alone………

And then, with mutual agreement from the others, Bedrock left for the house. And soon returned, with a sturdy knife from the kitchen in hand.

Now, thankfully this knife was not to be used for a sudden mutiny/murder. Though, given how Daphne howled, you'd swear that was what happening. Bedrock was the only one who could both feasibly hold her entire width of hair in her hand, and also strong enough to cut right through it, just above her scalp and forehead.

For Daphne, it felt like complete torture. Here she was surrounded by people she simply couldn't understand in any meaningful way, all who seemed angry, upset, and frustrated at her. And now they had gone ahead and cut what felt like pounds upon pounds of weight from ehr head, weight she had been so used to and even comforted by on cold nights. And they were rubbing and scrubbing and prodding at her body with smelly lumps of an odd, bitter-tasting substance, and also what seemed to be this same substance in even stronger-smelling liquid form. The natural scents and fragrances she was so used to were being stripped from her, and she has absolutley no idea where she even was on top of this. She was scared. She was scared, seperated from mama. Mama never showed her love but she so wanted to see her now. Her hissing and yowling turned to loud, ugly, defeated sobbing as her strength left her body, her muscles tired and aching from her persistent struggling, her wrists and ankles bound and hurting even more. She wanted mama. She wanted her home. She wanted to get away from this place.

Finally, after a group effort that took a little over two hours of washing, scrubbing, soaping, soaking, rinsing, drying, and an attempt at even brushing, Daphne was sat, still naked and limp with defeat, on a ratty old sofa in the unnoffical 'storage room' the base had. She would be kept here for now, except for when 'training' would be attempted in some way, shape, or form with her. She truly looked, and felt, like an animal right now; kept in a room like a dog in quarantine, with only her leg cuffs being removed after her arduous bath. She used her bound hands to distraughtly feel the top of her head; she felt naked, she felt WRONG, she felt so different from what she had been like just a day ago, happy in her own woods………though, her shoulders did feel less strained……..her eyes felt nice, no longer being covered with mucky, itchy bangs anymore………

…..After an hour or so finally being left by herself, late at night, she was starting to feel less and less bad.

The end for now, I have more stuff written for her, but this is the majority of the coherent stuff I wrote. I'm so sorry that this is so long, and I also apologize for any grammatical errors I forgot to correct.

[vorkosigankinkmeme]

Gregor Vorbarra/Duv Galeni

Power dynamics, oaths, loyalty.

thanks! I will add it to the ao3 collection.

[another-whump-sideblog]

Masterlist

Significant neurological damage, likely due to repeated concussions, predominately impacting balance and grip strength

Deficiencies in vitamin A, vitamin B1, vitamin B2, vitamin B3, vitamin B5, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, Vitamin D, calcium, chloride, iron, and potassium

Severe deficiencies in iron and vitamin D

Psychological symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Further testing recommended.

Ema hates this.

She was supposed to feel better once she got away. That was supposed to fix it. Getting away was so so hard, and it's not even over?

Ema hates this.

"It's not so bad." Tom says. "It could be worse."

That's not very helpful. "Neurological damage doesn't go away. I'm going to have this for the rest of my life."

"Well... yeah, but now we know. I should've noticed earlier, it was obvious. I can't believe I didn't notice..."

Tom sounds annoyed. Ema tucks her knees under her chin.

"It'll get better. I think it would help to do some physical therapy. And psychological therapy. And the vitamin and mineral deficiencies, that's easy! I mean it sucks that we didn't know before, but we know now. Oh, we should also take you to a dentist. What's wrong?"

Ema is ineffectively trying to blink back tears. "I thought I was going to be okay. I thought it was over." "But this is good! These things were wrong before, but now that we know about them we can fix them or make them better. Wouldn't it be worse if all those symptoms of deficiencies and damage and stuff were just how things were going to be for the rest of your life?"

Ema hates this. "I don't- I can't-" She takes a shuddering breath, afraid she'll start crying if she tries to talk more.

"It's okay. You're okay. I really think you should see a therapist though. I... don't know what to say to help you feel better."

Ema grips her hair tightly. She hates this, she hates this so much. "I don't want to go to therapy! I don't want to talk about it! I want it to be over!"

"I- I don't know- Ema, it's okay."

Ema is sobbing in earnest and Tom is getting annoyed with her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"You didn't do anything wrong. I just- I'm not good at this!"

He's mad at her he's mad at her-

"I- I think I'm making this worse, so I'm going to- to go. And then when you're feeling better we can talk about how I can, like, help you the next time you feel this way, okay?"

Tom waits for her to answer, but leaves when she doesn't, and Ema doesn't stop him. He's just in the other room, but it does help Ema feel better, which makes her feel a bit guilty. It's just easier when she can focus on calming herself down instead of trying to calm Tom down.

She feels so pathetic. She's been crying more since she escaped than she ever did in captivity.

Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap.

She's safe. She's okay. And Tom is right, now she knows some ways to feel better. She shouldn't feel this way.

When Ema's crying has slowed to only an occasional sniffle, Tom comes back.

"Are you okay? Are you- did that help? It seems like it helped, for me to leave, but I felt really bad for just... leaving you, while you were upset."

"It helped. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Tom doesn't sound annoyed. Just... sad.

"I... don't think there's anything you can do, if that happens again. I don't know why I started crying. Everything you said was right."

"Well, someone can be right and still be a dick."

"You weren't being a dick."

Tom is quiet for a moment. "You started crying when I brought up therapy. Should I... not bring that up?"

"No, you can bring it up. I don't know why it freaked me out."

"You said you don't want to talk about what happened. Does the idea of therapy make you feel stressed? You don't have to talk about the past at all with a therapist if you don't want to. I mean, you probably will eventually, but not until you feel comfortable with it. A good therapist will respect your wishes." Tap tap tap. "I don't know. I guess. I just want it to be over. I want to never think about it again."

"I... don't think that's possible."

Ema buries her face in her hands and sobs.

"Would it help if I touched you? Like, gave you a hug or something. Or would you rather not be touched?"

"Please don't touch me."

"Okay. So I know some things that don't help now, at least. Um... so, do you want to try therapy? Helping people find therapists is something I'm good at. You wouldn't have to talk about anything you didn't want to. And hey, I'm not a therapist, maybe I'm wrong that you'll have to think about it. Maybe a therapist can teach you how to not think about it. I don't know."

"I think... I've been emotional because of the deficiencies. I want to try getting more of those vitamins and stuff in, and maybe try physical therapy, and then see how I feel."

"I think you're going to need therapy no matter what. You've been through a lot."

Ema starts to tear up again.

"But... it can wait. I don't like to put these things off, but... this isn't about me. I don't know a lot about therapy, but I know that it doesn't work very well if you feel forced into it."

"...Thank you."

"Do you want help making a meal plan? To get the vitamins you need in? And I can look into what supplements you should be taking, that stuff's all unregulated so I don't think you just grab the first thing that says vitamin supplement, y'know?"

That... sounds nice. Not having to do it herself sounds nice. "I would like that."

[wanologic]

sorry danny, sam will never think you’re cool

[ink-the-artist]

Love the contrast between the Americans’ “Apollo” and the Soviets’ “Sputnik.” You got the Americans naming their rocket after a Greek god trying to communicate the grandness and importance of this rocket. And you got the Soviets naming their rocket “fellow traveler.” Like a friend you go on an  adventure with together. This rocket is our little friend lol 

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[tonia-aaaaa]

Old Double Life fanart that still goes hard, bc i put ridiculous amounts of thought into it back when i made it. This one was a hit on the 'gram.

[hinamie]

I don't want to regret the way I lived

[officialbabayaga]

the way this is phrased to avoid confronting the reality that people can’t afford food anymore

[cozylittleartblog]

not that we didn't already Know belos was full of shit, but it's even funnier knowing the titan was still alive the whole time and probably judging him

[mando-abs]

I think these iron infusions are working because I’m currently on my heaviest flow and while I am still very eepy, I can like…think???

What a wild concept

[ciderjacks]

dwarven brew

+

[halemerry]

Hey everyone what's your favorite mug look like?

[fumifooms]

Omg guys he just genuinely likes bugs and mollusks and critters 😭💘💔 Forced to noble when he just wanna crouch and watch things skitter in the dirt…