#but now being in chicago i love chicago for being an adult in

[cowboy]

hello fellow minnesotan how do u feel about this here state

Feel pregnant

[megalony]

Emergency Situation

This is a new Evan Buckley imagine, requested by the lovely @neonkiwi I hope this is what you were looking for and that everybody likes it. I might do a follow up part if anybody is interested. Feedback is always amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @topguncultleader @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts

911 Masterlist

Summary: When (Y/n) becomes ill while on shift, she suddenly deteriorates but the reason why is… surprising.

Enjoy.

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A shudder jolted through (Y/n) when a pair of tense arms suddenly deadlocked around her waist and reeled her off her feet. Her heels pressed down into the floor and her head fell back onto Evan's shoulder when he moulded his chest up against her back and buried his face in her neck.

She could feel him smiling into her skin and his arms crossed over her stomach so his hands could grip her hips and gently shimmy her from side to side.

He nuzzled his nose into her neck and bit down enough to make her gasp. But Evan's eyes widened and his smile shrunk when he felt (Y/n)'s hands deadlock around his forearms and she wobbled and lost her balance in front of him. He couldn't count the times he had grabbed her from behind like this and wrapped around her like a blanket and she never usually lost her footing.

"Did I scare you?" He whispered quietly against her cheek as he pressed a sloppy kiss there and straightened them both up, staying wrapped around her. He kissed her cheek again and moved to kiss her temple but he let his lips linger against her forehead for a few seconds. "You okay? You're starting to burn up."

He could feel her temple was flushed and she was starting to sweat which was unusual since they had been in the station for the last hour and it was full of air-conditioning.

"I think I'm getting sick, my stomach's in knots." (Y/n) turned her head and let her face tuck into Evan's exposed neck, nudging his collar out the way so she could press an open-mouthed kiss there.

Her fingers dug down tightly into Evan's arms to steady herself and to keep him holding her as tightly as he was. The pressure his arms were applying into her waist and stomach was comforting and helpful when her abdomen felt like it was twisting itself up into knots.

At first, (Y/n) thought she was getting cramps but throughout the night she hadn't felt well and now she felt sick. She was coming down with a bug. Hen had been off sick last week after Denny got sick, and then Eddie hadn't been feeling great the past few days. Now it seemed to be (Y/n)'s turn. She prayed she wouldn't pass it onto Evan, he wasn't good with being ill. He was better being the carer, not the patient.

"Oh, baby." He mused quietly against her temple, brushing his cheek against her forehead while he gently swayed them both from side to side, glad no one else was in the corridor at the moment. He just so happened to leave the locker room and see his wife walking ahead down the corridor. Evan would take any opportunity he could get during shifts to snatch a kiss from (Y/n) because they had to be professional when in front of everyone else.

They didn't dare risk being anything but professional in case someone said something and their shifts got split up. Bobby was lenient enough to let them work together even though they were married.

Evan sighed into her hair and fought the urge to roll his eyes when the bell sounded.

"Are you okay to head out? If you tell Cap he'll let you hang back at the station."

"No, I'm good."

Tilting her head back, (Y/n) let go of Evan's arm so she could cup his freshly shaved jaw and reel him down for a kiss. She sunk her teeth into hie bottom lip just to feel him groan into her mouth when she had to untangle herself from him. They had to go get ready.

Evan ducked forward and pounced, clamping his fingers down on (Y/n)'s hips when she started to walk away. He followed behind her, kissing the back of her neck and giving her hips a wiggle before he bypassed her and moved towards the lockers.

Evan slung on his jacket, grabbed his helmet and turned to (Y/n) as she did the same. With them both sharing the same last name, they had to have their first initials printed on their jackets. Their names were on their jackets and helmets for security, if they got injured, lost or unconscious, people would know who they were. So their initials needed to be added for safety reasons so they didn't get mixed up.

(Y/n) jiggled her shoulders to rid herself of the shiver building up in her back that went right down to her toes. She followed after Chimney towards the truck but she pressed her lips into a straight line when she climbed up the first step and suddenly felt Evan's hand swat her bum. She didn't have to turn round to know he was grinning. No one else had seen or heard the light touch, thankfully.

(Y/n) began to regret going on this call the moment she sat down because she seemed to melt into her seat and the thought of getting back up seemed impossible.

She pulled a headset over her ears and slouched down, moving her seatbelt a bit lower so she could shift to the right and slump her head onto Evan's shoulder. Deep breaths made her feel a little better but her stomach was knotting up again and (Y/n) wondered if she might throw up soon. She hoped not. Each bump the truck rolled over had her stomach churning and every sharp corner spun her head.

Her eyes fell closed and she stayed wedged up against Evan's arm as he moved his hand to squeeze her thigh. Evan turned his head to the left and perched his chin on top of her head while he looked out the window a the passing scenery.

When the truck made a harsh break, (Y/n) kicked her foot out and pressed the heel of her boot into the chair opposite to steady herself and her face wedged into Evan's arm to stop herself from groaning.

(Y/n) ignored the small chatter through the headphones and focused on the feeling of Evan's fingers rubbing circles into her inner thigh.

They were all glad to tear off their headphones when the truck rolled to a steady stop at their newest call out scene. There was already another unit here but they needed back up to help evacuate the building and tend to anyone with injuries.

She grabbed her helmet and followed out the truck, the last in the line to climb down but as soon as the temperature change and the gravity shift hit her, (Y/n) felt uneasy. Her hands reached out in front of her and gripped Evan's shoulders tightly as she followed him down the truck and onto solid ground. As soon as her feet touched the ground, (Y/n) buried her face in Evan's back and tried to stop her stomach from tightening up.

"Everything okay baby?" He whispered softly and his head turned to look down at her. He could feel her tight grip on his shoulders and he could sense how close she was standing to him like she was trying to merge herself into his back.

"Just a wobble,"

"You sure?"

(Y/n) nodded and batted her eyes up at him when she moved to stand at his side rather than behind him but she couldn't bring herself to smile, not yet. She could feel the adrenaline pounding through her blood from arriving on scene but it wasn't enough to rid her chest of the tightening feeling or relieve her tense stomach.

She forced herself to let go of his arm even though she didn't want to, and secured her helmet and gloves. She could feel her stomach knotting but one of the many knots started to ease when Evan reached his arm out so it crossed in front of her chest and his hand clamped down on her left hip securely. He didn't move an inch away from her as they stood lined up, waiting for their orders. And although Evan stayed facing forwards, (Y/n) could feel his head turning and his gaze drifting down to her every now and then.

"Okay, Buck, Eddie, I want you round the back with the 211 to evacuate. Chimney you go with me through the front to make sure everyone gets out. And (Y/n)," Bobby's gaze lingered on her for a few seconds and his eyes narrowed. He could either see or just sense tat she wasn't at one hundred percent today. "Go with Hen, help check everyone over and assist medics."

(Y/n) didn't question it, she knew not to and deep down she was relieved to have an easier task than running in blind to get everyone out. She wouldn't be quick enough today and she didn't hold enough strength to pull anyone out and run back in for a second go. Helping the wounded was a much easier job for (Y/n), it was automatic to tend to people and help with their injuries whereas Buck and Eddie were far better suited to run into the burning buildings and find ways to get out.

The call out lasted an hour and a half and by the end, (Y/n) felt broken.

She was glad it was over. She wanted to go back to the station and collapse down in a chair. She never usually needed to recharge her batteries like this but today, she felt drained down to ten percent.

Patching the injured up had been an easier task than running in and out the burning building but now (Y/n) was flagging. She shouldn't feel this breathless, shaky and dizzy from walking around tending to the wounded.

With all the equipment packed up in the medic bag, (Y/n) hoisted it up on her shoulder and made a slow walk away from the make-shift tents, over towards the fire trucks that felt like they were a mile away.

She barely got three feet from the tents before it felt like her lungs were filling up with stones and all the air was starting to drain out of them like they had a leak. And when her stomach started to clench, (Y/n) had no choice but to drop the medic bag down to her side and hunch forward to crease her stomach and try to relieve the tension.

Her body started to burn up so much that (Y/n) dropped the bag at her feet and threw her helmet down beside it. She ripped open her jacket and leaned forward with her hands braced on her knees and her chin tilted down into the top of her chest. She willed the urge to be sick to dissipate. She didn't need to stand in front of everyone and throw up; she would embarrass herself.

Evan's lips curved into a frown and his brow creased when he looked over at his wife. He took off his helmet and rattled his fingers through his knotted curls and squinted over at his girl. She looked like she was about to throw up.

When he realised she was wobbling and her knees suddenly caved, Evan darted into a sprint to grab her.

"Baby- woah, woah hey I got you." His arms bolted around her waist and he reeled her into his chest. His chin tucked down into his chest to look at her properly as she curled her hands around his biceps to stay upright.

"I- just dizzy."

"You're not dizzy, you're sick baby girl."

(Y/n) shivered and leaned forward to tuck her face into his jacket, breathing in the combination of Evan's scent and the smoke clinging to his clothes.

"No, I'm o-okay." The sickness was starting to wear off the longer Evan held her upright and took her weight for her. She could feel herself calming down already, it was just her stomach knotting itself up. Maybe she had a stomach infection rather than a sickness bug.

"Of course you are, and I'm five foot one. Come on, back in the truck." Evan kissed the top of her head before he circled his arm around her waist and pinned her into his side to keep her up on her feet. His other hand moved to cup her hip and he started walking back towards the truck. He would come back and grab her gear once he'd gotten her sat down and calmed down in the fire truck.

(Y/n) reached up to grab the door handle but she was grateful Evan just held her hips and effortlessly hoisted her up in the air. He lifted her up and moved her inside the truck as if she weighed nothing at all.

"Baby-"

"Don't baby me. If you have another wobble or you throw up, you're going home. Got it?"

Rolling her lips together, (Y/n) nodded and looked down at her hands that she locked together on her lap. If it was the other way around she knew she would be exactly the same with Evan and he only had her best interests at heart.

***

She was going to be sick.

The burning in her stomach turned into an intensifying ache in her abdomen and each and every muscle was contorting and twisting inside her in a way which felt impossible. The agonising twist of her muscles stopped her from standing up straight but she tried her best to look as okay and as normal as possible.

One arm bound around her stomach and her other hand gripped the metal banister as she almost slipped down the stairs. She needed to get to the toilets behind the shower room before she threw up in front of everyone.

Evan had been right. She should have told Bobby the moment they got back to the station that she felt sick and needed to take the rest of the shift off. But she didn't. Her pride stopped her from asking for help or leniency and because she hadn't been sick or in immense pain, Evan didn't push her to go home.

(Y/n) should have gone home.

When she reached the corridor, (Y/n) slumped forward until her chest was almost pressed down into her thighs. Tears burned in her eyes and as soon as she reached the toilets, (Y/n) crouched down and bound her arms around her waist. Her body hunched up into a ball shape and she stumbled into a cubicle, crashing down to her knees in front of the toilet just in time to throw up.

The static in her ears got worse until it was deafening white noise and she began to shake despite the cold air in the bathroom.

God, it had been a long time since she had a sickness bug this bad. The last time, (Y/n) had a stomach infection and couldn't eat anything for three days. It had kept her up at night, striking her with pain every time she tossed and turned but that was still different to this. That had been her stomach, this pain was in her abdomen.

Pushing up, (Y/n) flushed the toilet and turned around to sit down on the toilet with her knees spread apart and her elbows on her knees. Her hands smothered her face and she dropped her head down between her thighs to relieve the blood swelling up in her head and making her feel dizzy.

Tears soaked into her palms and small hiccups bubbled past her lips when the pain only got worse and made her limbs coil inwards.

Something was wrong.

Something was drastically wrong, this couldn't be a normal sickness bug or an infection or a problem like IBS. This had to be different, (Y/n) had never been in this much agony before in her life.

Maybe she was having a hernia. Maybe her intestines were twisting and cutting off blood supply to part of her intestine and she would need surgery to fix the issue. Maybe something was rupturing like her spleen or her appendix. It had to be something drastic and that meant (Y/n) needed to tell someone. She needed Evan. She wanted her husband. He would know what to do and how to make everything better.

When the cramping, throbbing pain dulled down, (Y/n) did her best to take a few deep breaths to try and pull herself together. She had to go and find Evan and talk to him.

Her hands moved to run up and down her trousers as she willed herself to stand up. The sooner she moved, the sooner she could get some advice and go get help for whatever ailment she now had.

"Oh God!" A burning sob bubbled past her wet lips and both her hands moved to her stomach when a horrendous pain made her double over.

She struggled for breaths, gasping and choking as her body slumped to the left and her head pressed into the plastic wall of the cubicle. Her knees spread wide into each wall and her hands imbedded into her stomach like she was trying to merge them through her skin to grab her organs.

Her knees wavered and struggled to hold her weight when she pushed up to undo her belt. She raked her trousers and underwear down but her vision started to blurr and sparkle with white dots when she looked down at her underwear and slumped herself to sit back down. That wasn't right. That was very, very wrong.

Why was there blood and fluids in her underwear?

The moment her hand gingerly moved between her thighs, her arms recoiled and (Y/n) braced herself on the wall as she cried out.

"No! No, no." This wasn't happening to her. She was having an out of body experience. She was seeing this happen to someone else, not her. This was a nightmare, a bad dream. A horrible vision of someone else's life. None of this was happening to (Y/n). It couldn't be.

Both her hands moved to smother her mouth and nose to the point she wasn't breathing when the toilet door opened.

Her trembling fingers dug into her cheeks enough to scratch her skin and her trembling body started to shake the cubicle wall along with her jittering knees that were bashing into the walls. She could barely feel each little breath that left her lips but she heard the gasping hiccup she let out when she tried to breathe deeply. It was hard to control her cries and be deathly silent when her body was going into shock.

She leaned back and slammed her elbows into her waist when a light knocking rapped on the door.

"Everything okay in there?"

It was Hen.

This was not a state (Y/n) wanted any of her coworkers to see her in. She didn't really want Evan to see her like this either, but he was the only person she would allow to witness and help her in this state. She needed help. She knew she needed help and Hen could get Evan so he could be the one to help her.

(Y/n) struggled to try and take another deep, rumbling breath and she held it in her lungs, waiting out the snapping pain in her abdomen before she tried to speak.

"Can y-you g… get Evan for me? I'm n… not well." There was no other way to put it and (Y/n) didn't want Hen panicking and trying to open the door to help. She didn't want anyone's help even if she knew she needed it. She needed Hen to think she was being sick so no one would crowd around the bathroom and try to listen in and bustle their way in to help her.

"Sure, can I do anything to help you? Maybe give you an examin-" Hen was a trained paramedic, she could go get her bag and check (Y/n)'s vitals and see if she could do anything to help her.

"Evan. Please."

"Okay, I'll go fetch him." The worry was evident in her voice but as soon as she left the room, (Y/n) let out a sob and crumpled her chest over onto her knees. Her arms bound around her lower waist and she doubled over, tucking her head down to smother her cries and soak up her tears and runny nose.

Her stomach was on fire, it felt like her intestines were being twisted and pulled down and her chest was burning like she was on fire on the inside. All she wanted to do was curl up as small as possible and pass out to make everything stop. She wanted to wake up at home in bed with Evan and have this be a bad dream or a distant memory from weeks ago that she didn't have to remember.

She heard the door open again and for a second, she froze, trying to stop herself crying and control the shaking just in case more people were coming in. But she only heard one familiar set of footsteps. One set of heavy clad boots that carried a lot of weight when they bashed into the floor. It was only Evan who came in and the door shut behind him. She was safe.

"Baby? Baby it's me. Hen said you're not feeling well." Evan moved towards the only closed cubicle and pressed his left arm against the door while his right hand lightly tapped on the door to let her know it was him. "Can you open the door for me baby girl?"

(Y/n) stretched an arm out and pulled the bolt across before she coiled back in on herself. Her arms stayed around her waist and she tucked her face down into her knees so she didn't have to see her husband's worried, panicked gaze and feel embarrassed and stupid.

Evan rolled his lips together and took a deep breath when his eyes set on his wife. Panic rolled through him in waves that he couldn't control. He wasn't sure what to do or where exactly to touch her but he knew there was very little he could do if they were both in this tiny cubicle with (Y/n) folded up like a piece of paper.

He took two steps forward and crouched down on his knees in front of her. His hands reached out and gently cupped her exposed thighs while he kissed the top of her head.

"Baby… can you talk to me, hm? What's going on?"

His hands started to move in deep circles into her thighs but he felt worse the longer (Y/n) kept crying. He could hear her panicked breaths running away without her and she was bubbling and gasping and trembling all at once.

"Alright, sit up for me," His hands moved to her shoulders and he slowly eased her up and straightened up in front of her so they were level. "That's better. Now I need you to tell me what's going on. You're clearly in agony, baby, can you tell me where the pain is?"

Evan cupped (Y/n)'s chin between his thumb and finger and kept her head level with his so she could look at him.

He could see the pain written across her face and shown in her cries and trembling body, but that wasn't enough. Evan couldn't begin to help if he didn't know why she was suddenly in agony, where the pain was coming from and why it was happening.

He looked down when (Y/n) pressed both her hands into her abdomen and pushed so hard he fretted she was going to bruise herself. But when Evan glanced his eyes down, he gulped when he looked at her underwear. Blood. Something told him this wasn't the usual period cramps, he'd never seen (Y/n) in agony like this before and she would of told him if it was her period causing the problem. And if it wasn't, why was she bleeding?

His hand rubbed across his jaw and down his neck in anxious habit before he sighed.

"I'm gonna move you just a little, okay? I need to get you out of here because we both don't fit. Take some deep breaths for me baby girl."

With his arms wound around her waist as carefully as he could and (Y/n)'s head burrowed into his neck and her hands on his shoulders, Evan slowly moved onto his feet and stood up. He held her tight and slowly shuffled backwards until he was out of the cubicle and (Y/n) was coiled into his chest.

(Y/n) dug her nails into his shoulders when he turned them both around and slowly lowered her down onto the tiled floor before he moved to kneel beside her.

"Can I take a look?" Evan motioned his hand towards (Y/n)'s stomach, he was getting nowhere asking her questions when she seemed to be in too much shock to cooperate with him.

When she nodded, Evan carefully peeled her hands off her stomach and lifted up her shirt. He pressed the base of his hands around her tummy and down near her hips to try and feel for any lump or abnormality without applying too much pressure to hurt her. He didn't like the reaction he got; flinches, whimpers and then a bursting cry when he pressed below her belly button.

Evan suddenly froze when (Y/n) screamed. She slumped forward, latched both her hands around his left arm and pulled it towards her chest. Her temple pressed deeply into his shoulder and her knees pulled up as she screamed into his shirt and made his body come over in shivers.

"What? Baby what's wrong- what did I do?"

"Baby."

"What?"

Clamping her lips together, (Y/n) pulled on Evan's hand and moved his palm between her thighs. She could see the confusion written on his face when his brows narrowed and his lips parted slightly in a way that showed he didn't understand what she was trying to show or tell him. She tugged on his hand until he finally took a deep breath and shuffled round to kneel between her legs.

His hands were gentle when they clamped around her thighs and parted her knees to the side but (Y/n) could see all the colour fading from his face until he was left a pale grey.

"Oh fuck… Oh- baby how the Hell are you in labour?!" Evan dug his fingers down into (Y/n)'s thighs until he was leaving indents and bruises in his wake.

How could she be in labour?

It wasn't possible. (Y/n) couldn't be pregnant. She didn't look pregnant, she didn't have a raised stomach or a bump or any abdominal movement to suggest she was having a baby. She'd had no more back pain than the rest of the team after a horrid shift. She didn't have morning sickness a few months ago. No swollen ankles, no cravings or obvious changes.

If she was in labour now that meant that she had been working when she should have been resting. She had been putting herself- and a baby, in harms way by continuing to be a firefighter. She had been around smoke, running in and out of fires, carrying heavy equipment, helping move people on back boards and going up the ladder. Everything she should have stayed away from she had been doing.

When (Y/n) started to cry, Evan leaned down and kissed her knee and tried to rub his hands along her thighs. He didn't mean to shout or make her think he was angry with her. It wasn't as if she had been hiding the pregnancy from him and the rest of the team.

"I'm gonna go grab Hen and get a med bag-"

"No- oow, Evan don't leave me!" (Y/n) latched her fingers around his wrist and pulled him back as she leaned forward and screamed. Something was happening. He couldn't leave her, not for a minute, not even for a second. He had to stay with her.

"Okay, shh hey I'm right here…" He glanced around before a light bulb seemed to flicker and he reached around the the radio strapped on his belt. "Someone bring me a medic bag to the toilets. Now! I've got an emergency back here."

Evan leaned down and looked down between (Y/n)'s thighs before he sat up on his heels and started to unbutton his shirt. He slipped it off his arms and laid the shirt over his knees, leaving him in his trousers and vest.

"Baby, you need to push for me, if this really is a baby it's coming now."

His hands continued to rub up and down (Y/n)'s knees while he tucked his chest down near his knees. He had delivered a few babies on the job alongside Bobby over the years, but never one where a woman didn't know she was pregnant. And this wasn't just anyone or just a colleague at the station. This was Evan's wife. He was going to be a dad and he was only just finding out on the day his wife was giving birth.

No one was going to believe this.

(Y/n) leaned her shoulders up against the cubicle behind her and dug her nails into the back of her thighs as she cried out and screamed. Tears drenched her face and a hoarse scream clawed at the back of her throat.

"Buck? What's going… on?" Unease and confusion tore through Hen when she pushed open the toilet door and held her breath when she looked over at the couple. they were sat in the middle of the floor with (Y/n) slumped up against the cubicle and Evan knelt between her legs with his shirt in his hands.

"Got any clamps in that bag?"

"Any… what are you doing?"

"She's having a baby so find some fucking clamps and help me!"

A quiet mutter of 'oh my God' blurted past Hen's before she slumped down to her knees next to Evan and started rummaging through her bag. Every few seconds, she lifted her head and leaned to look over Evan's arm just to check that this wasn't some prank. Or that Evan hadn't got this drastically wrong and was preparing for an entirely wrong situation.

"Head's out… come on, one more push then you're done baby." Evan shuffled his shirt a bit higher over his hands that were shaking when he curled them around his baby.

His baby. God, he was going to be a dad. How was he going to be a dad when they weren't prepared for this at all? They had nothing ready for a baby, not even a single onesie. What were they going to do?

"Well done! Look at that, a little girl," Hen pressed her fingers to (Y/n)'s wrist and checked her pulse while her other hand rubbed up and down her arm to try and keep her calm.

Evan's arms began to tremble as he ran his hand up and down the newborn's back until a little string of whimpers and cries left her ruby red lips. He swaddled his shirt around her and brushed his face against his shoulder to clear away the tears so he could see her properly.

He had a daughter.

He waited patiently for Hen to put two clamps onto the cord and cut it before he leaned between (Y/n)'s legs and carefully eased their girl onto (Y/n)'s chest. When (Y/n) curled her shaking hands over their baby's back, Evan held her wrists and smoothed his thumbs up and down her skin to try and keep her calm because he could see she was going into shock.

"You really had no idea?"

"Do you think we'd of had her on shift if we knew?" Evan sassed back with an air of anger about his words.

Neither of them would be on shift right now if they knew (Y/n) was nearly nine months pregnant. (Y/n) wouldn't have been on full duty if she knew and she would of been on maternity leave by now if they had some prior knowledge about their daughter coming into the world.

"What's the emergency in here- oh- oh Hell. Eddie get a gurney, Chim fire up the ambulance." Bobby clamped one hand down on his hip and ran the other up and down his face when he looked over at the three of them on the floor with a newborn crying between them.

"Placenta is in tact but you're bleeding a bit, I'll give you something to clot your blood." Hen rummaged around in her bag when she noticed a small puddle of blood forming on the floor between (Y/n)'s thighs. At least the placenta was all together. The last thing they needed with a surprise baby was an operation to remove a broken part of placenta.

"Evan…"

Moving her arms, (Y/n) nudged their girl towards him when the shaking got worse and she felt like she was going to be sick. A baby on her chest was a sudden, comforting weight but when she felt sick, it was also a suffocating feeling.

She closed her eyes and tipped her head back against the cubicle, pulling her arms into her chest when Evan gently eased their daughter into his arms. She coiled her arms tightly together to try and make the shaking subside but she was grateful when she felt Bobby kneel down on her other side. (Y/n) was grateful when Bobby held her hand, he didn't mind the shaking or her tight grip and he rubbed his free hand up and down her shoulder.

"Well this is one Hell of a surprise,"

"We're gonna need some time off," Evan rolled his lips together, supressing his smile when he looked down at the new bundle in his arms. He would need some emergency annual leave now. He didn't have the time to put in a request four weeks in advance and wait for approval.

Evan could feel a headache forming behind his eyes already at the thought of having to go and buy everything. Right now. Today. Or tomorrow at the very least. They needed everything from clothes to a crib and bottles and nappies and Evan was going lightheaded from the thought.

"Do you know how much paperwork I'll have to do now?" His smile showed he was only jesting.

Evan needed time off now and (Y/n) was going to be off work for a few months, starting from today. Bobby was going to have to find a replacement for (Y/n) while she was on maternity leave. He would need to do a report to the chief to explain why she needed the time off so suddenly and explain this situation and how they came to have a birth in the station.

It would be investigated to make sure (Y/n) hadn't kept this a secret or that Bobby hadn't put her in danger and forced her to work through her pregnancy since he hadn't given any papers to say one of his team was pregnant.

"No one's going to believe this… I've got to ring Maddie- oh God, and my parents." No one was going to believe Evan when he told them he now had a daughter. Not that he was going to have a daughter or that (Y/n) was pregnant, but that she had given birth,

He was going to have to explain to Maddie that she now had a niece and get Maddie to help explain to their parents that their first grandchild had been a wild surprise.

"Oh my God what happened in here?!"

[atimeofyourlife]

A family Thanksgiving

This was supposed to be up yesterday, but it took on a mind of its own and instead of the few hundred words it was supposed to be, its nearly 3k. Happy belated Thanksgiving to anyone who celebrates! rated: t | wc: 2847 | cw: period typical homophobia, Steve's asshole parents

The offers from everyone to have him over for Thanksgiving had been great, any other year he would have loved such a choice, but for the first time in a long time, he was spending the day with family.

"But you hate your family." Dustin pointed out when Steve had told everyone about his holiday plans.

"No, I hate my parents. It's my grandma that asked me to go, and I want to see her and my cousins that I haven't seen in like five years. I'm driving myself to Chicago, so I won't be stuck in a car with my parents for hours on end." Steve explained.

"But you're working a late the day before, and I'm not going to cover you so you can drive up early" Robin replied.

"I'm planning on leaving by six on Thanksgiving morning. It's less than four hours to drive, so I'll be there before ten, well nine because of the timezone change. I took the late shift the day before so I had an excuse to drive myself, and my parents wouldn't have any reason to come by Hawkins before. And I drive home either the Friday or the Saturday, ready for our Sunday shift."

Come Thanksgiving day, Steve was somewhat regretting his decision. It had been nearly midnight before he'd gotten home, after a number of people came in just before closing insistent on needing a selection of movies ready for the next day. Then hadn't been happy when the movies they wanted weren't in stock, so they left the place a total mess, causing Steve to stay late to tidy up ready for the opener the next day. Then having to get up around five, so he could get ready and be on track to leave as planned. In an attempt to wake up, he was mostly surviving on a large cup of incredibly strong coffee. He was just counting down the minutes until he could get there.

When he walked in the door, he was immediately wrapped up in a hug from his grandma. "Stevie, it's so good to see you."

"It's great to see you too, Grandma." He returned the hug, melting into it a little. Exactly what he needed after the year it had been.

"Let me take a look at you." She stepped back slightly, giving him a once over. Her hand came up to trace the scar still on his neck from where he had been strangled by the bats and vines. "What happened here?"

"I. It's nothing. It looks a lot worse than it is." Steve replied, trying to get out of the awkwardness of the conversation.

"Oh, if you're sure. If you want to help with dinner, you can join us in the kitchen. But if you just want to rest, anyone who's watching football is in the living room, and the Macy's parade is on in the den."

"It's been a long drive, and I had a late finish last night, so I think I'm going to take a bit of a break. I might come out and help a bit later." He offered.

"Oh, honey. If you don't feel up to it, you don't need to help at all. Take it easy, and we'll call you once everything is ready." She kissed Steve on the cheek, before going back to the kitchen.

Steve made his way through the house, glancing into the living room as he passed. He could see his dad in one of the recliners, and decided against joining them. Wanting to delay the inevitable "you're a disappointment" lecture. He knew his mom would likely be in the kitchen, not actually helping, just drinking wine and gossiping. He moved on to the den, where most of his cousins were. He hovered in the doorway for a second, unsure what to say. So much had changed since the last time he had seen any of them.

"Wait, Stevie?" One of them, Lizzie, said as she looked up to see him.

"Uh, hey?" Steve replied, a little unsure, before he was being swamped in a group hug.

"Jesus Christ, when did this happen? Last time I saw you, you were like a little kid. Now you're a whole grown adult." Another, Mark, said.

After a long catch up, bringing Steve up to date on everyone else's lives, and him giving an abridged highlights of his last few years, they then got into more serious topics.

"Was everything okay after the earthquakes? I tried calling a few times, but I don't know if I had the wrong number because it never went through." Alice, the oldest of his cousins, asked.

"The phones were down across the whole town for a while after, then it was patchy for weeks after that. It was hard to get five or ten minutes without it dropping out. It took me like two weeks before I was able to get hold of mom and dad to let them know that the house was still standing, and that I was still alive." Steve explained.

"Wait, they weren't in Hawkins for the earthquakes?" Harry cut in.

"No, they've not been in Hawkins since February? Like over a month before it happened."

"Oh. They were telling us last night about how awful and hard it had been during the earthquakes, and how they were scared for their lives." Alice replied.

"That's such bullshit. They weren't in the country when it happened, they were in London. They didn't even know that it was Hawkins that was affected until I called them, because all they'd seen on the news was a freak earthquake hitting the Midwest. It hadn't even specified the state. And then they didn't care how I was, if I was hurt or anything, all they were interested in was if there was damage to the house, and how the earthquake could affect the resale value."

"Okay, I call dibs about bringing that up over dinner. I just want to see what shade of purple Uncle Dick can turn." Becca, the closest cousin to Steve in age, piped up. "But were you hurt?"

"Uh, minor injuries. Nothing serious." Steve lied, not wanting to worry anyone. "I was able to start volunteering within a couple of days. You know, helping out at the relief center, helping search for missing people. And when everything calmed down I was helping rebuild and stuff. Just trying to do my bit. But I'm fine now."

"That's good. But thinking of Uncle Dick turning purple, who gets to bring up Fuck Reagan?" Mark asked.

"Stevie's been through the most, I think he should get the chance." Alice replied.

"Uh, I think that would go down about as well as if I told him that my best friend is a dyke and I've spent most of my free time in the last six months sucking off the local drug dealer, who was accused of being a cult leader and murdering three people." Steve said quickly, unsure if he wanted anyone else to pick up what he'd said.

"Was that for drugs, or for fun, or what? Like a hook up?" Harry asked.

"He's my boyfriend. I mean, it helps that I get free weed out of him, but I'd do it anyway." Steve admitted.

"That is something you missed out of your round up. But I love that all of us are some variation of queer."

Dinner was...interesting, to say the least. After saying Grace, they went round the table to say what they were thankful for that year. Steve had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing as his parents waxed on and on about how they were thankful for their lives and being able to escape the earthquake unscathed. He couldn't keep from laughing when Becca spoke up against them.

"Really? Because Alice asked Steve how he found it after the earthquakes, and he said that he couldn't reach you for two weeks after it happened because the phones were down and you were in London. And you didn't even know that it had hit Hawkins until he called you."

"Steven, why are you telling lies about us?" His mother demanded.

"I wasn't? You weren't in Hawkins when the earthquake hit. You've not been there since February. When I was finally able to call you, you only cared about how the house was, not if I was hurt. And you were pissed that I hadn't called you sooner, despite the fact the phone lines were down for the whole town. I could have died or been injured in hospital, and you wouldn't have known."

"How dare-" His father started, only to be cut off by Steve's grandmother.

"Settle down. There's no need for arguing. I am inclined to believe Steve, because I do remember you telling me that you were going to be spending a few months in Europe at the start of this year."

Both of Steve's parents were visibly unhappy, but they didn't push it any further, allowing the rest of the family to talk about what they were thankful for.

Many small conversations broke out over the table, Steve loving the feeling of being surrounded by family for the first time in a long time. He got pulled into talking to different people, but he did his best to avoid his parents' eye. Not wanting to get trapped by them telling him all the ways he had bothered them since he'd last seen them. But he knew they were up to something, when his father got up before dessert was served.

"Before we have anything else, we do have a big announcement about the future of our family." He said, using the voice he always used when talking to the most important clients.

"You've sucked enough political dick to get what ever tax exemption you were after?" Lizzie asked, before anyone could take it too seriously.

Steve's dad just spluttered in anger as a call of "Elizabeth." Came from at least four different people around the table.

"Ignoring that horrible interruption. What I was going to tell everyone is about Steven's imminent engagement. He is going to be proposing to Melissa Downey, the daughter of my business partner, at Christmas, they've been seeing each other for nearly eighteen months now, and it is going to mean big things for our family."

Steve couldn't respond, processing what had just been said, as everyone started speaking, some offering congratulations, others in confusion.

"That's news to me." Steve said loudly, to get over everyone's voices, once he could form the words. "I'm not planning on proposing to anyone."

"Well, Arthur and I have been discussing it, and it is the only thing that makes sense now, the two of you have been together for long enough, the logical next step is engagement."

"I'm not dating Melissa. We went on one date over a year ago, just after I graduated. It was awful, all she was interested in was if I made enough money to bankroll her spending addiction. I made up a fake emergency to get out of it, and I would rather stick forks in my eyes than suffer through that again." Steve got to his feet, bracing his hands on the table. Knowing he'd been right not to be optimistic that the holiday could pass without incident.

"You will if you know what's good for you. If you don't, it could destroy our business. You wouldn't want to be the reason we go broke, would you? You could end up homeless. Where would you live?"

"First, I have plenty of friends who would be happy to take me in if I had nowhere else to go. It's something we talked about after the earthquake, because some people I know did have damage caused to their homes and I let them stay with me until they could move back in. Second, I don't really care about whether or not you go broke. You don't provide any money to me. You haven't since I started working at Scoops. I pay for all my food, gas, clothes. If you go broke, my financial position won't change at all. And third, I can't propose to her. I'm in a relationship, and we're both very happy."

"Is it that Buckley girl? Or did you somehow manage to convince that Wheeler girl that you're actually worth something? Because I can tell you now, you are going to break up with whatever little slut-"

"His name is Eddie." Steve shouted before he could think it through, and a silence fell across the room. "That's right. Your son is one of those awful queers that you keep campaigning against, to keep them illegal and get them locked up. And you know what? He's easily the best sex I've ever had. Especially when we get high first."

"Why you-" His father roared, his face turning a dark red in anger. "How dare you do this to us? After everything we have done for you. You'd better hope that those friends of yours would be willing to take you in, because you are not living under my roof any longer. You will have until the end of the weekend to collect your belongings, anything left will be burned."

"Except, it isn't your roof, is it Richard? If I remember correctly, I was the one who paid the mortgage. My name is the one on the deed to the property in Hawkins. I just allowed you to live there, rent-free might I add, because it made sense for you to live somewhere close to Indianapolis when your business was taking off. I had been planning to sell up. So I think maybe you should be the one to collect your belongings from that house, because I'm not sure if I want you living under my roof any longer. It sounds life you're almost never there, anyway." Steve's grandma replied.

"But, mother-" His father started.

"But nothing, Richard. I don't know where you learnt your hateful attitude, because I know I did not raise you to be the sort of man that would kick your own son out over something as minor as who he loves. I really thought you were a better man than that."

"It's disgusting." Steve's mother added. "So unnatural, and that disease."

"What is disgusting is your bigotry. I think I want you both out from under my roof, now. So, if you would both kindly leave. And I expect you to move your belongings from the house in Hawkins, as that is now Steve's house, not yours. And you better not touch anything that isn't yours, or cause any damage, because I will take legal advice." Steve's grandmother stood up, anger radiating from her tiny five foot frame. "And, unless you change and apologize for your outdated beliefs, you can forget any inheritance. I will not have any of my money going to support hatred."

"Mother,"

"Leave, Richard. Now. I'm not afraid to get the police involved here."

Steve's parents looked at him with their faces filled with utter disgust, before they turned and left. His grandmother escorting them off the property.

"Are you okay, Stevie?" His grandmother asked after the end of the meal.

"I. I think so. I think I need to make a couple of phone calls." He replied.

"Use any of the phones, dear. Maybe if you know someone who can keep an eye on the house."

"Yeah. I babysit for the chief of police sometimes, so I might call him. He'll make sure nothing happens."

"Good. And, if you're talking to that boy of yours, tell him that he's got to come up here for Christmas. I want to meet him, and make sure he's good enough for you."

"Grandma." Steve protested.

"I'm just saying." She replied before walking away.

Steve shut himself in one of the bedrooms, for a little privacy from the still crowded house while he made the calls. The call to Hopper was quick, just outlining what was going on, and Hopper agreed to keep a check on the house until Steve was back in Hawkins. Then it was the call to Eddie.

"Baby, I wasn't expecting you to call. How's your Thanksgiving?"

"Interesting. My parents decided to announce that I was going to propose to dad's business partner's daughter. They wouldn't accept that I wasn't interested in her so I accidentally came out."

"Shit, I hope that didn't go too bad?"

"Uh, it could have gone worse? Somehow me coming out got my parents removed from the will and kicked out of the house. Because my grandma wasn't happy with them being assholes about it."

"Oh, badass grandma. I kinda want to meet her now."

"I was hoping you would say something like that. Because she has told me that you have to come here for Christmas. She wants to make sure that you're good enough." Steve couldn't help smiling as he talked, somehow the day had gone so much better than he'd ever hoped.

[bangaveragewhitewine]

Hearts are wild creatures

Dad!Steve Harrington x Mom!Reader

Halloween, 1999

A simple worn-before couple’s costume and drinks with friends. Kissing like teenagers and hushed voices. You and Steve, a night to make up for lost time before Halloween-morning with your two little girls.

Takes place two years after soft slow, morning glow

Word count: 6.4k

Contents: Parent!Steve & Reader. Explicit (18+) - oral (f!receiving), p-in-v sex (reader is on birth control, but wrap it up, friends!). Breeding kink. Parental domesticity - Steve & Reader have two kids, mention of a difficult pregnancy, sickeningly sweet domestic fluff.

Author’s note: This started as soft Halloween-flavoured domesticity and then I imagined Steve dressed as Johnny Castle… we couldn’t not go there. 

Thank you @specialagentmonkey for proofreading and being wonderful. And for watching ST from the start with me! And thank YOU, dear reader, for being here. I hope you enjoy it!

Tucked away in the Chicago suburbs, your little house matches its companions in the cosy cul de sac; the residents of Elm Crescent had transformed their homes and gardens into a Halloween Wonderland as exciting for the adults as it was for the kids. You knew you had made the right choice buying your first home here. 

The garden has been prepared for a night of costumed trick-or-treaters, the path flanked by two homemade sheet-ghosts and leaves raked in vain leaving the green lawn clear for those that fell since yesterday afternoon. Four carved pumpkins guard the house from their spot on the front steps, arranged from largest to littlest - one for each of you.

Inside, tissue-paper ghosties with wobbly marker-drawn smiles made by tiny hands float on lengths of thread, seasonal art projects take pride of place in the kitchen, and paper bats guard the stairs from their hanging place on the spindles. Nothing too scary to frighten a four and nearly-two-year-old, all brightly childish orange and purple and green, smiling instead of scaring. 

Halloween fell perfectly in ‘99 - a Sunday night for tricks and treats meant that you and Steve could make grown-up plans on Saturday. A simple worn-before couple’s costume, a competent and willing babysitter, and drinks with friends in a too-loud bar that you all left early to get pizza and a cab home. It was later than you had stayed up or out in months, maybe years, and you both felt almost giddy with excitement. Far from the late and boozy Halloween nights of your early years as a couple, it was exactly the night you and Steve had wanted. 

Back home, your Johnny and Baby costumes were barely folded before you crawled into bed together and kissed like off-the-leash teenagers, keeping your voices and giggles low while your babies slumbered peacefully down the hall. 

After paying the babysitter from across the street, making sure she got home safe, neither you nor Steve could resist a peek at the two sleeping girls when you got home, both sentimental (and a little broody again) as you held each other gazing at their little dreaming faces. Beth with her bunny-teddy pillowing her cheek (reminding you to wash it soon with lavender detergent and steaming hot water) and Ava, sweet little Ava, starfishing in her crib. Your tiny girl takes up so much space in your hearts, pulls attention in every room she enters with her big brown eyes and honey-blonde hair; she is your little cherub. 

You had missed them on your night out, tried not to count the minutes since you had left or until you got home to them. Steve had felt the same, but you knew they were safe and (hopefully) sleeping. So, you tried and succeeded in letting yourselves be distracted by your brilliant little group of friends, strong drinks and each other - all of which came easily, with warm cheeks and loud laughter, stolen kisses while your friends pretended to take offence that you loved each other more than them. 

Now, at home in your cosy little bedroom, Steve’s hand skates upward, feeling the dips and curves of your body as your lips lock in a needy kiss. Smiling against your mouth, he greedily swallows the soft noise pulled from your throat. His hand finds its home, cupping your breast through soft shell-pink satin, as the other holds your hand pinned to the sunshine-coloured cotton sheet.

Two kids later and he is still utterly obsessed with you, in love with all of you - especially the bumps and marks of motherhood that came with each perfect girl. You had spent most of the night tucked to his side, pretty pink contrasting his tight black shirt and jeans. Robin had tried to sit between you at one point and you had been hauled onto the warm sturdy throne of Steve’s lap, his chin on your shoulder as he argued with his best friend over whether they should do karaoke or shots next. Except for quests to the bar for more drinks and a few trips to the bathroom, you hadn’t been without his warm touch since you left the house. He would have held your hand while you peed if he could, would have accompanied you to the bar except your friends forced you to be apart ‘for five fuckin’ minutes, dude.’

His lips skate lower, abandoning your kiss-swollen lips to nibble your jaw and seek out that spot on your neck while his thumb presses firmly against your nipple. Your brow creases in pleasure when he finds it; the quiet gasp ‘Steve’ is whispered into his hair, edging toward a whimper. 

“Mmhm? M’here, baby.” Tipsy from a lower alcohol tolerance and drunk on you, Steve’s voice is hot against your neck. 

Your fingers wrap over his own as he presses you into the mattress, his black Calvin Klein’s straining with need, with want. Your own underwear have been damp since his hand settled on your thigh in the cab at the start of the night. 

Your fingers slide into Steve’s hair, directing him back to your lips as his thigh slots snugly into the apex of your spread legs. 

“Yeah? There?” he murmurs, smiling cockily.

It had been far too long since you had time alone like this; too tired after work or parenting, one or both of you needed to dry tears and check for monsters after a bad dream just as hands began to wander beneath the covers. 

Your hips roll, electrified, grinding on the firm bulk of his thigh. “Please, Stevie…” 

You both know you could get off like this and if he thought that was what you really wanted - what you needed - Steve would let you. He would gladly watch you come undone, guide your hips and be whatever you need him to be. But neither had forgotten your hot whisper against his ear as Eddie carried a tray of drinks and shots back to your table earlier; the way your lips grazed Steve’s neck as you so quietly asked him to fuck you into the mattress when you got home. 

You had watched his eyes blow wide and pressed a rose-pink kiss to his cheek (warm and blushing) while your friends placed bets on when Baby Harrington the Third would be coming. 

Steve peels himself back, kneeling on the bed as he palms himself at the sight of you. You feel saliva pool under your tongue as you rake your eyes from his thighs, over that substantial bulge, and up his furry chest. He is nothing short of breathtaking, and Steve thinks just the same of you. 

Your fingers slip over the nude lace of your underwear, biting your lip when you brush over the damp spot visible even in the low light from the bedside lamp. You don’t play long, already too worked up, and push your panties down toward your thighs with a lift of your hips. 

Steve takes over, like a baton-pass, and eases your legs up against his chest with your feet against his shoulder. Your underwear is slipped off and thrown carelessly behind him, somewhere on the floor. He presses kisses to your calf, a curving path up over your ankle and the top of your foot before each leg is laid down gently on either side of his spread knees. 

You prop yourself up on your elbows before pushing yourself up to sit and meet Steve for another kiss; it is smiling and sweet and a little dirty. Your fingers hook into his waistband before taking a greedy handful of his unfairly pert behind, making him laugh against your mouth. 

“You going to give me what I want?” you murmur, kissing his chin. Your other hand slips down the front side, fingers wrapping around to squeeze his hard length as you look up through your lashes. 

“Anything. Everything.” Steve’s eyes flutter closed and he cups your cheek in one huge hand, blindly bringing you back in for another kiss. 

Your voices are just loud enough for each other to hear in the golden glow of your bedroom. You miss the days when you could be loud, but wouldn’t change it - take a day trip to the past perhaps, when you didn’t have to restrain your desire to a quick fuck after dark, or during nap time while the washer and dryer run in the background like white noise,

Maybe in a few weeks, before the craziness of the holidays, you can stow away to a hotel for a night or two and cash in on the babysitting offer from Aunties Robin and Nancy. 

But tonight is perfect nonetheless. It’s perfect when you shove Steve’s briefs down his thighs and when his fingers skate over your back to undo your bra (before it joins your underwear and his on the floor). You lay back, taking Steve with you, and hook your leg over his hip and bring him as close as you can all over again. 

All there is right now is you and Steve. You’re well-practised enough to be quiet. 

Covetous hands palm over hips, fingers thread into hair, pulling each other close and closer still. Steve finds his home between your thighs and leans over, dipping to kiss you as his fingers press and tease, push inside you with care. His fingers stretch just right and curl up to seek out the place that makes you drool. 

“Lemme have a little taste?” he asks against your mouth, smiling when a whine catches in your throat. “Yeah? Can I?” 

“So greedy.” Your cheeks are warm and crease when his smile sets you off. 

“I am. I can’t get enough of you.” His straight white teeth nip your lower lip, a bite he soothes with his tongue. “I think you love it…” 

You gasp as his fingers curl again before he withdraws them, and watch as he licks your wetness from them. 

Steve winks as his lips trail lips lower, over your chest and the softness of your tummy, your hips and the places on your thighs that jiggle a little bit. Steve presses a feathery kiss to your swollen bud before licking out his tongue to part your lips

Steve’s prone to getting sidetracked down there - not that you would ever complain about your husband who loves to go down on you - but you have been thinking of being railed by him since last Wednesday. 

The begged-for ‘little taste’ quickly becomes so much more.

There’s nothing ‘little’ about Steve - not his hands or his thighs, his biceps or his manhood, or his heart. His appetite for you certainly is not little or lacking either. With his hand on your thigh, the other on the cheek of your ass, he makes your thighs tremble with a few skilful licks and the soft suck of his mouth. His nose rests and nudges against the pudge of your mound, darkened eyes fixed on you as he flicks his tongue.

He watches how your jaw drops, the crease in between your brows. You feel dizzy, anchored only by the weight of his hand spreading your thigh higher, wider for him. 

The burning want in your belly flames hot and bright as Steve buries his face between your thighs. His tongue presses firm and flat, encouraged when your fingers slide into his hair to keep him ‘right there, oh!’ 

Silenced by your own hand, you feel that white-hot tight-winding feeling as his fingers slide home again. The sound of his wet mouth on you sounds so loud, the same volume as the throb of your heart, the blood rushing in your ears. A whimper of Steve’s name is stifled, a high choked-up noise in your throat as his scalp burns from tugging fingers. 

Your orgasm takes you by surprise, amped up and tightly wound after a night of teasing and wanting, and the long groping make-out and grind in the kitchen after the babysitter left.

Steve’s solid weight keeps your hips low to the bed, even when your back arches sharply.  An expert at your pleasure now, seeking it out and making you see stars every time, he keeps up the pace and pressure, with his fingers and tongue. He knows what you need, how you like it - never stale, never disappointing. 

Your body attempts to curl up on itself, feeling too good. Slowly, carefully, Steve drags his mouth to kiss your shaky thigh before making his way back to lie alongside you. His damp fingers, wrap around his diamond-hard length to give some sort of relief. 

Glowing and giggly, you gaze up at him and drag Steve in for a kiss. “Knew you were a greedy boy.” Your voice is quietly breathy, shaking with that post-orgasm wobble as he laughs against your mouth. 

“Got carried away. Sue me.” His voice is a low murmur. 

Cupping his cheek, you skate your thumb along the bone. He’s so gorgeous, gold-toned in the nighttime light. Your fingertips brush the moles on his cheek as Steve kisses you again; beneath the musk of you on his tongue, you can still taste the lingering whiskey notes from your night out.

Pulled right up against him, you feel the hard and soft of Steve’s body, the fur of his chest and thighs. He found two grey hairs on his chest earlier in the year which almost caused an existential crisis - only solved with your tweezers and a tonne of kisses and promises that you would still adore him when every hair on his body was shiny silver. 

“You wanna be on your back or front?” he asks, squeezing your side.

The question makes that inferno in your tummy begin to burn hotter again. You think of how good it feels when he’s behind you, thighs slapping against the back of your own, the way he stretches you and hits that place deep inside. And yet, you need to see him tonight - you are so dreamily in love with him that not having his lips on yours might just make you expire. 

“Back. Pass me that cushion?” 

As you get comfy, Steve takes himself in hand again and settles himself between your legs. His non-busy hand runs through his hair - still a glorious mane into his thirties, despite a few shorter cuts over the years - and you are reminded of the pretty-boy you fell for almost a decade ago.

Steve catches you smiling and palms your leg as you settle on either side of his hips. He matches the little grin and dips forward to kiss you, nuzzling your noses together. 

“What’s got you smilin’ like that, huh?” he asks, running the head of his cock through your wetness before tapping it at the top. 

He watches your lashes flutter, the way you bite your lip. 

“Just thinkin’ about you, handsome,” you murmur, “You always make me smile.” 

He grins and kisses you again, both feeling like young loves again despite the aches and pains and the mortgage and the two kids sleeping down the hall. “I fuckin’ love you,” Steve whispers. 

“I love you,” you murmur back, running your fingers into your love’s hair as the other hand grabs his wrist. “Please? Been waiting all night, Stevie…”

His lips melt the put-on pout and together you guide him inside. The stretch of him has got easier over the years, well practised at love-making and fucking like rabbits alike. He’s gentle when he needs to be, rougher when you both want it like that. 

“I’ve got you, baby. Sorry for making my girl wait,” he murmurs as he slides all the way in.

Eyes fluttering closed at the stretch-and-fill, Steve starts off with a slow grind that makes your jaw drop. He murmurs quiet swears at how warm-wet you feel around him, squeezing him tight as his hips draw halfway back before going all the way in again. 

“Fuck,” he whispers, and braces one hand by your head with the other splayed wide on your side. Your hips lift with him, legs propped high to open you up wider for him. 

For a scant second, you want to ask if his back hurts - he pulled something at basketball drills last week and you had massaged on Tiger Balm morning and night for a few days until the twinging stopped. The hard flick of his hips makes the question vanish from your mind, his cock dragging and hitting just right. 

“Oh god,” you whisper-gasp, jaw hanging open.

“I know, baby. M’sorry it’s been so long. M’a bad husband, huh? Leaving my poor wife needy and un-fucked.” His voice is hot and rough against your cheek, breath tickling your ear as he finds his rhythm. “Gonna make it up to you, yeah?” 

You squeeze the back of his neck, giggling. “Make it up to me all you want.” He palms over your hip, hiking it higher before leaning over you again. “Fuck, Steve. Feels so good.”

Your eyes dip to the gold chain hanging around his neck, watching how it sways in rhythm to how he’s fucking you. You bring your hand to where it rests against his neck, guiding Steve’s mouth to yours again. His breath huffs hot against your lips, tongues sliding in a dirty kiss. 

The wet click of parting lips sounds loud in Steve’s ears when you break away, moaning his name against his chin when his thrusts hit deeper, harder. 

“Shhh, I know you wanna be loud, sweetheart. I know you feel good.” His voice is like lava dripping as he kisses your neck. 

You pinch your lips together, the moan caught in your throat comes out as a high hum. 

Steve is so hard. His pants felt too tight all night; half hard since he saw you in your little pink dress. It only got worse, harder not to ask you to meet him in the bathroom, when you sat on his lap and toyed with the back of his hair, whispered in his ear before slipping into conversation with Nancy about something totally different. 

The slick-tight-hot feeling, the way you pulse around his cock, makes that tense coil of pleasure low in his gut wind tighter. His chest feels like 

You can’t help but fall a little more in love with him, hypnotised by the swinging gold chain, the circles he rubs against your hip and the way his styled hair falls over his forehead.

Squeezing your thighs around him, you bring your legs up and tilt your hips higher. Steve adjusts the stance of his knees and slows his thrusts to a deep grind, the tip of him brushing your cervix. You can feel all of him pressed right up against you, inside and out. 

“Oh fuck.. fuck, Steve.” Your voice is thin and strained, like a thread about to snap. 

“Yeah, baby. I’ve got you,” he whispers, biting down on his own lower lip. “God, you’re so pretty. So sexy.” 

The air in your bedroom feels humid and heavy, like a thunderstorm, waiting for lightning to crack and split the sky, waiting for a downpour. 

Steve moves his hand from your hip, gliding over your pelvis to feel how he makes you bulge just a bit before his fingers begin circling your sticky-damp clit. Just quick enough, firm enough, mean enough. 

Your back arches, quiet voice babbling with incoherence at how intense it feels. “I’mgonnacomeohgodstevestevefuck…”

“Come on baby, come for me. Let me feel it,” he pants, hitting deep and hard. He’s so close, barely holding on to himself. 

You hold him tight to you as you come, fingers tugging in his hair as the other hand claws and digs into the meat at the top of his ass. 

Overwhelmed, a sweet shock of release hits you like lightning and opens the floodgates. 

Steve holds you just as close, anchored to each other. Whispering hot words of praise against your mouth, he gazes into your watery eyes sparkling with tears - he makes you feel that good. 

“Oh baby, I’ve got you. You okay?” he asks, so tender. He leans over you, wrapping his arm beneath your lower back as the other braces his weight along his forearm. One huge hand cups your face and wipes your tears. There’s mascara smudged beneath your eyes, and you look beautiful. 

There’s that smile he loves; wobbly and lovely. A giggle-sob bubbles from those sweet kiss-bitten lips. “Fuck, Steve..” 

“I know, sweetheart. I know. Want me to pull out, is it too much?” 

You shake your head against the duvet, your hair a mess. “No, no. Don’t... Wanna feel you.” Your voice is slurred, love drunk. 

That makes him throb. He kisses you again and runs his nose along yours. “M’close,” he whispers, beginning a slow-dragging thrust inside your soaked and still-fluttering body. 

You can see it, how close he is, and feel it in how his rhythm has faltered. His brows pinch, smearing wet kisses to your shoulder as he tucks his face into your neck. 

“I’ve got you, Stevie. You’re so good,” you whisper, stroking the back of his neck. “Let go, baby. I’ve got you.” 

A grunting groan is smothered against your shoulder as Steve stills and shudders on top of you. His hips pump slow and hard as he comes inside with your name on his lips, making you shiver too. 

His weight settles, sinking you into the mattress in the best way. This is exactly what you had missed so much. As much as you fervently adore actually having sex with Steve Harrington, there is something so special about lying with him in the afterglow. 

Sweat-sticky and breathless, you stroke through his hair and press your lips into his hair. The hairspray scent lingers, clinging to the scent of shampoo beneath the smoke from cigarettes bummed from his bad-influence-best-friend Eddie. There was something about the smoke-tinged kisses that made you feel extra feral for him on the way home. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” you whisper, laughing softly when his sigh tickles your neck. 

“But you’re so comfortable.” 

Lifting his head, Steve smiles all pink-cheeked and dozy. “So beautiful too,” he murmurs, inching forward to kiss you. 

The wet noise from below makes you both laugh like teenagers and you take your turn to hide your face. 

“You take your birth control today?” he asked, easing himself up and out of you slowly, carefully. His eyes can’t look away from where he drips from you. 

“Mhm. Sorry, big boy.” You grab a tissue from the bedside table, wiping yourself gently before you mess up the duvet cover. You had both agreed, after having Ava, to wait a few years before adding to your nest again - it had been Steve’s idea after your less-than-easy second pregnancy. For a man with a bit of a breeding kink and a dream of a family the size of a field hockey team, he was wonderfully considerate. 

He kisses you again before standing to find his pyjama pants; he leaves out one of his sweaters and a pair of shorts for you too - sleeping naked was a dangerous game with two small kids. 

Clean-faced and exhausted and happy, you curl up together in bed after a few sleepy kisses and a playful argument about who would get up with Ava in the morning. As if Steve would ever miss a chance to let you sleep and steal the morning smiles from your youngest all for himself.

“You won’t even hear me sneak. M’a ninja,” he murmurs tiredly against the back of your neck and you can feel his smile. 

“If you say so, ninja boy,” you mumble back, dragging your joined hands up for one more kiss before slipping into a deep, peaceful slumber.

Sunday. Halloween. The best day of the year for your little girls - since the last best day (their Daddy’s birthday in late July). 

Ever a fan of Halloween, and autumn in general, you always wanted to bring your girls up to be excited for Halloween as soon as September began. Still so little, with Play-Dough minds, they had begun to catch on to your excitement and followed soaked it up. Beth especially, four with an expansive imagination, was excited about dressing up and eating candy and watching “Hogus Pogus” with you after dinner. 

Your parental body clocks ring at seven despite the late night. 

You wake to Steve creeping out, blindly bumping into the dresser with a quiet ‘shit’ as Ava calls out for him. This morning his presence was required to brush fat tears from the little one’s pink cheeks and kiss the damp paths they left behind until she was smiling again. 

You hear the youngest babbling as Steve carries her quietly downstairs, hoping she won’t wake you or Beth. The throb of a minor hangover and post-sex ache drags you back under the covers and into a light doze. 

You have another thirty minutes and some change until Beth wakes and realises she misses you, deciding to sneak in before even letting her Dad know she was awake - she wanted to see you hear about your Halloween party with her uncle and aunties and remind you that the best day had finally arrived.

The creaky hinge on the door alerts you - a reminder to ask Steve to show you how to oil it properly this time - you peek an eye open to watch the four-year-old sneak over to stand by the bed on her Dad’s side. She would be content enough with just seeing you, comforted in the knowledge that you were home to spend the day together; her face lights up when she spies you peeking over Steve’s pillow, your hand raised in a little wave. 

“Hi Mommy,” she whispers, dimples showing her delight. 

“Hi Bethie,” you whisper back, beckoning her into Steve’s vacant spot next to you. 

You open the covers to let your big girl in. She folds herself into you for a hug, her head against your chest. 

“I missed you. I missed you sooooo much,” she says, face turned up to look at you like she is a sunflower and you’re the sun. 

“I missed you too, baby.” Her little face cupped in one hand, you press kisses to her forehead and cheeks, her little nose. 

You make a tent big enough for two beneath the covers, lying on your sides facing each other until your giggling makes it too warm and your tummies rumble for the special Halloween breakfast you promise. (You curse yourself a little for that last glass of wine, trying to remember what exactly you had promised until Beth reminds you about the pumpkin-shaped pancakes). 

Wrapped in your soft dressing gown, you follow Beth down the stairs, hearing Ava’s happy-baby babble in the kitchen as she eats her half-banana breakfast appetizer. The decorations look a little silly and rough around the edges in the morning light, but still, your little home feels like a perfect pocket of happiness.

Beth jumps into the kitchen with an excited-but-not-very-spooky ‘BOO!’ for Steve. 

When she sees him, nursing coffee and Advil with a messy bedhead and tired smile, he quickly becomes Beth’s golden light source as her beaming face turns to him. 

“Woah! You scared me!” he says, clutching his heart before dipping to scoop her up. 

You try not to laugh at his Dad-groan and the cracking crunch of his knees as he stands, instead shuffling in your slippers to Ava in her highchair. 

Her hands bash on the tray, smushing banana with fierce excitement as you peck kisses all over her pretty cherubic face. 

Beth leans her head against Steve, playing with the string of his hastily thrown-on hoodie as she tells him about the dream she had and how he has to take lots of pictures of her costume later to send to your extended family. 

Spotting his bare feet on the kitchen tiles, you slip into the laundry room to find a pair of socks for him to wear. Resistant to ‘old man slippers’, you tuck them into his front pocket as you peck his lips and move him and Beth away from the counter so you can start on breakfast. You steal a sip of his coffee, wrinkling your nose at the lack of sweetness before shooing him and Beth to sit with Ava at the table. 

“What was Uncle Teddy dressed as?” Beth asks, head against Steve’s chest so she looks at him upside down. 

“He was a vampire. But he just wore his normal clothes and some silly teeth.” Steve rolled his eyes dramatically - he had seen vampire Eddie all the way back in high school when he was dealing instead of drinking, and again when you all used to drink and party the night away in your early twenties. Yeah you had dressed as Baby and Johnny before, but you had all boo’ed at Eddie when he showed up in the ultimate low-effort costume. 

“Oh. Okay. Vampires is sca’wry though, Daddy!” Beth reminds him. “You and Mommy didn’t go as scar'wies. What about Bobin?” 

You laugh quietly at the nickname Robin has had since Beth started speaking, and her simple way of humbling Steve about his own costume (and yours). 

“Robin dressed up as Elton John. You know the song you like, Benny & the Jets? She dressed up as the guy who sings that song. And Can You Feel The Love Tonight. He sings that too.” Steve is a wee bit distracted, nibbling the chunk of crushed banana offered from Ava’s fist.

“Bobin was Simba?” Beth’s eyes are wide, excited. She doesn’t seem bothered about her lack of scary costume, only yours.

“No babe. Elton John, he’s a singer. She had big glasses on and a sparkly jacket. You know he sings... Um. ‘Rocketmaaan, burning up his fuel out there alone..’ you like that one. I’ll find the tape later.”

Ava squeals in delight when he sings, so Steve indulges her a little more.

As you mix up pancake batter (adding a little food colouring to make them orange like pumpkins), and take two Advil for the dull throb in your head, the soundtrack of Beth and Steve’s conversation makes you smile, interspersed with Ava’s chirpy shouts for attention, her little contributions to the conversation. 

You glance back at the little tableau of Beth on Steve’s lap, his hood pulled over his messy hair (a pair of sunglasses and he would look just the same as your hungover mornings in your first apartment together). His spare hand strokes Ava’s hair, twirling the crushed baby-curls at the back of her head and tickling her chin and neck to make her giggle. 

Beth joins you after a little while, standing on a chair to help mix the batter and supervise your pancake-making with little bits of commentary. 

“That one looks a w’ittle bit squished, Mommy. Daddy can have that one.” 

“Thanks, Beth.” Steve’s voice is muffled behind his second cup of coffee. 

“Welcome Daddy! Mommy, can I has that nice stuff on?” 

“On what, sweets?”

“My pancakes.” You can hear her eye roll, the implied ‘duh, mom’ (thanks Auntie Max). 

“The nice stuff? Syrup?” 

“Yeah! Sir-yup.”

“Yeah okay. A little bit.” You flip another pancake, turning the chocolate chip face down onto the heated pan. “Do you want bacon on the same plate or on the side?”

“Um. Can I dip it?” 

“In the syrup?” 

“Yeah, in that nice stuff.”

“Yeah, you can try dipping it. Who taught you that?”

“Teddy.”

You smirk, “Steve, did you hear that? Betty’s taking after her Uncle’s eating habits.” 

“Which one?” 

“Ed. She’s gonna dip her bacon in syrup.” 

“That’s my girl.”

Beth giggles and turns carefully on the chair to look at him. “No Daddy, you does it all over! You got to dip-dip.” 

“Can you show me how?” Steve asks, he smiles over at her, looking so handsome with the baby standing in his lap now. 

“Magic word?” 

You snort-laugh, tucking your chin to your chest as your shoulders shake; you just about slide the pancake onto a plate without incident. Beth has one hand on her hip, a mini-Steve for sure, giving as good as she gets.

“Are you practising your magic for later?”

“Nooo Daddy. You has to say p’weeeeeeze-uhhh.”

“Okay-uhhhh. Please, pretty princess Bethany, can you show me how to dip my bacon in syrup?”

Bethany considers it and looks at you with a cheeky smile. “Yep! I show you, Daddy!”

You wink at her before helping her pour more batter onto the hot buttered pan, praising her careful steady hand. 

“Beth, can you grab a bib for Ava please?” You’re almost done and know you’ll get it served up quicker if your helper has a special task. 

“Yes! What colour?” her hot cocoa eyes shine with delight to help as you help her down. 

“Surprise me. We have a Halloweeny one for later, so any one you like for breakfast time okay? Dealer’s choice.” You dot a kiss to her head before watching her scurry to check what colour her sister's sleep-suit is. 

“There’s a laundry basket in the living room, babe. The bibs are on top. Do you need help?” Steve asks her, lifting Ava back into her chair before going to get forks and plates and glasses of juice for the table. 

“No tank you.”

You lean back against Steve’s warm chest and tilt your head for a kiss. “Hi. I missed you.” 

“Missed you more,” he murmurs, squeezing the tender spots on your hips as he kisses you slowly and sweetly. A proper kiss for the morning, tasting of coffee and shared banana and sneaked chocolate chips. 

Your fingers brush his jaw, feeling stubble beneath soft fingertips. He won’t shave today, you hope he’ll string it out a couple of days into the work week. 

After another hip-squeeze, he picks out cutlery and you notice how he squints into the drawer. 

“Glasses.”

“Getting them next, chef.”

“No, your glasses Stevie. You’ll get a headache.” 

“I have a headache. I’m blaming Rob for it.”

“It’ll get worse if you don’t put your glasses on, babe.”

You watch him mimicking your correctness with a scrunched nose as he picks out forks and knives. He knows you’re right but he doesn’t have to like it.

Steve gathers everything for breakfast, including Beth’s syrup. 

“I’ll get them in a sec,” he murmurs behind you, waiting for Beth to return with a bib first. 

You smile to yourself and start plating up. 

“Beth, how are we doing on the bib?”

When he looks into the living room, Steve sees Beth with every clean bib around her as she decides. 

“I can’t find one to match!” Beth’s face is a scowl.

“Babe, it doesn’t need to match. Just pick. Please.” Steve tries to be patient. Ava is getting impatient without food or distractions in the kitchen and he hears you chatter to her to try and help. He’s usually good at the diffuse and distract technique, a pro after quasi-parenting more than half a dozen teenagers.

“Can we do a-a spooky one?”

“Um. Sure. This one is kinda autumny?” He holds up the orange and yellow floral one, tiny flowers and green leaves. 

“But Ava’s jammies is pink Daddy! It doesn’t go! It has to be spooky and match!” Beth’s voice turns whiney, a pout on her face. 

Steve pops his head back into the kitchen where Ava is entirely unimpressed with being ignored as you bring over the plates. “Beth would really like it if Ava could have a Halloween bib now, and if it matched her pjs too…”

You watch him suppressing an eye-roll, knowing it would just hurt his head. He looks exactly like Beth. 

“Um, check the laundry room? I left a couple out.” You peek around Steve and see Beth with all of the bibs around her. “Sorry, I should’ve just told her to check in there.” 

“No, it’s fine. Beth, pick those up please and come wash your hands.” 

Steve smooches Ava’s cheek as he passes and palms your side with a squeeze. He picks up a purple bib with bats and a white one with ghosts - he is hopeful that one will suit Beth’s specifications and taste.  He has this Dad thing down to a fine art.

The bigger girl has clean and almost dry hands, pyjama sleeves rolled up her arms by your gentle mom-touch. Her face splits into a grin when Steve presents the choices.

“Yes! The pur-pellll!” she squeaks, bouncing on her feet. 

He dips to pick her up, barely suppressing the dad-groan - but it’s quieter than last time. “My little fashionista, huh? Everything’s gotta match?” He pecks her nose, making it scrunch like a bunny’s. 

When Ava’s got her bib on, distracted by cut-up pumpkin-shaped pancakes and berries (with one slice of bacon), Beth sits in her seat at the table in awe of the jack-o-lantern faces you have created. 

“Spooky enough, babe?” You sip maple-sweetened coffee and smile at her little happy face. 

Her hair is spilling over from her messy bedtime ponytail, which comes more loose as she nods furiously. “So cool! Tank you Mommy!”

“Super cool,” Steve agrees, winking at you across the table. “Thanks, baby.”

You’re just as sexy to him now, as you were last night with your messy hair and the well-loved teddy-print dressing gown. He notices his glasses case by his coffee and you wink back at him over the top of your mug.

With his world more in focus, Steve watches you smile at Ava as she shows you her chunk of pancake. You kiss her cheek, nuzzle into her milk-and-honey scented neck telling her you love her. 

You feel like the littlest one hasn’t had your full attention this morning and you have missed her, feeling mom-guilt to the hilt. Steve will take on dish-duty once the plates are empty and bellies are full, giving you time with your girls. 

There are a few last-minute decorations and chores you want to make time for in between kid-friendly movies, dressing the girls in their costumes - Beth as a tiny cute witch and  Ava as a cosy pumpkin. The girls are your number one priority today, making core memories for them and taking one hundred and one photos for the albums. Ava is still too little to really soak it in but she takes enough notice to nourish her little mind. 

You and Steve will fill out the candy for trick-or-treaters, and hold little hands when the girls go door to door in your own cul de sac. When they’re tucked up in bed, you will pick through the candy leftovers and curl up to watch one scary film followed by a non-scary one as a balm before you sleep. 

For now, you sit back and share a loving smile with Steve, your socked feet brushing beneath the breakfast table. 

What a treat. 

Thank you for reading! Likes, reblogs and comments are absolutely adored and cherished ❤️ 

[enderblogs-24]

"Everyone's autistic now," "Why's there so much autism," "So many kids faking autism these days."

You know. I had been suspecting I was autistic since I started to understand what that meant, around middle school. I was working with two different autistic kids in a Girl Scout troop I led with my mom, and they did/said things that felt familiar. But I didn't dare bring up those thoughts, because my little cousin was autistic, that was his thing, and I didn't want to seem like I was looking for attention.

I started looking into autism for real when I hit my 20's, because those suspicions never went away... just buried. I had been focusing on other areas of my life anyway - my transition. But that was over, and I could see that things were still "off" about me. I love diving deep into different disabilities, disorders, and mental illnesses, but avoided autism because I was scared of what I'd find. I took maybe one test, masked up and guarded as hell, and because of that it said I wasn't autistic. I didn't answer truthfully, so I went looking elsewhere. ADHD, maybe. I ended up trying to get an ADHD diagnosis, and got misdiagnosed with a personality disorder that can be misdiagnosed in autistic adults. I felt I didn't have an option but to accept the diagnosis, because I was on my way to Chicago; out of time and out of money.

Nearly six months after the misdiagnosis, while I had been looking into the personality disorder and knew for certain I didn't meet the criteria for a diagnosis, (but masked through the appointments, which is how I got it) I had worked extensively on unmasking. I learned many neurodivergencies masked, and thought I'd give unmasking a shot, soon realizing I'd been doing it forever. Once I got better at unmasking, I eventually looked into autism again. What would it hurt to be told no twice? I took a couple quizzes again. Slowed down, answered honestly, and gave every answer my full attention. And I scored high on every one. It was terrifying. But it was also... a relief? While a few of those quizzes weren't too be taken seriously, I did take tests on official sites made by and for autistic people. When I came home from Chicago in summer 2022, I told my mom and showed her all my past scores on official tests like the RAADS, one of which I take annually. Part of me still has doubts that I'm not faking it, I guess.

All of this, at least past 2021, has occurred while people have been posting their own stores about discovering and getting diagnosed as adults. While I initially started looking into things on my own, hearing these people's stories on occasion really, really helped. Random strangers on the internet in a reel telling me they'd been overlooked because they were afab, did well in school, and didn't have many other adults around to see a difference... really helped. I could sneak into the autistic tags on Tumblr and look around at posts, relate to them silently, write down my findings in my little notebook, and go about my day. This "autism boom" as it were really helped, just because everyone suddenly showing off who they are, telling the world "I'm different and that's okay," really, really... helped. I know why I've always felt different and wrong, I know why I struggle with certain things, and I know why certain things will likely never be possible on my own. That's so much better than going thrift my life wondering and beating myself up because I can't function like everyone else.

Everyone isn't suddenly being diagnosed as autistic, now. People are just... starting to listen. Starting to get more comfortable. Obtaining more resources. And it's really nice. ❤️

[gurugirl]

A Balancing Act | Ch. 2*

Series Summary: Harry is a famous, rich, handsome, pop star and he’s been in therapy since his boy band days. When he meets Y/n, a beautiful and successful artist, he cannot take no for an answer when it comes to her. He’s determined to make her his even if he has to bend the rules a little at first.

Chapter Summary: Y/n learns that Harry kissed another woman and decides to move on. Harry crashes Y/n's date to get her to change her mind. But then he makes a shocking discovery.

Warning: 18+ only, NSFW, smut (oral sex sort of), angst

Word Count: 9,739

Commissioned by @cinnamonone (thank you!! xoxo)

A Balancing Act Masterlist

Returning to LA after his tour in Latin America, Harry was sitting with Pat in his lovely house. Matcha tea was served and she started off by asking him how he was feeling emotionally lately. She tended to want to start off their sessions by letting him talk about his emotions and how he was dealing with his busy life, reserving the topic of relationships and love until toward the end. It gave her a good gauge of his overall well-being.

“I miss home. It’s always the hardest when I feel like I’m missing out on so much. Feels like I’m ignoring what’s really important in life and focusing too much on myself. Feels selfish. I know that no one thinks that. My mum is always telling me to not worry but it’s just hard. Especially because I’m closing in on 30 and just feels like I’ve just been playing around for all my life.”

“But this is your work. And you do work hard. You’re just lucky that you’re talented enough that you can delve into this kind of creativity and make a living from it. You’re putting more responsibility on yourself than is necessary. You’re on your own path, Harry. And while from the outside everything looks fun and glamorous, even you know the truth because you live it. It’s hard. So don’t discount yourself by feeling like you’re not doing enough. Your mom is okay. She can take care of herself. Gemma is okay too. She’s doing well. Your friends and all the people that matter in your life support you. Comparing yourself to the 9-5 worker isn’t going to do you any good. You’re a successful artist. An entrepreneur. Just imagine if you weren’t. You’d be in Manchester or London and working some mundane job. Sure you’d be around your family but you wouldn’t be thriving like you are now. I think you’d be miserable and if you’re miserable your family will feel that.”

Harry nodded, “Probably. I guess I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.”

“I can’t either. But it’s more about how you’re dealing with that guilt. I think as you’re getting older your priorities are shifting a little. And that’s okay. It’s good to welcome new awareness. Just be sure to not dwell on it because no one else is.”

Harry sniffed a laugh and smiled. Pat was right of course. He knew all of this. They’d been talking about his guilt a lot more recently and he recognized it was more because there were particular milestones that society set for people. And Harry had met many milestones but the basic ones like love, family, stability, children were all things he’d had yet to really achieve. Of course, he had a family but not his own, with a spouse and kids and a little house in town… but that wasn’t his to have yet. And the little house in town might wind up looking more like a bunch of houses in different parts of the world. He couldn’t deny he was lucky but he also couldn’t ignore that he felt like he’d been shirking his adult responsibilities.

“Okay. I can tell you need to say something. Want to move on from this subject?”

Harry grinned and repositioned himself to face more squarely toward Pat, “I met someone.”

“Oh? What does that mean?”

“I met her in Chicago. She was staying at the hotel I was in but she was there for an art show, she’s this really talented artist. But anyway… we just hit it off. We’ve been talking on the phone almost every night. I really like her.”

Pat nodded and placed her mug down, “That’s great. So, she stayed at the hotel you were in but how did you come to actually meet her?”

Harry described the scene at the bar and then how he invited her to his show the following evening, “I just… I don’t know. She’s not famous or anything but she acted like I was just a normal guy. And we really connected mentally and physically. She really seems to like all the things I like.”

“You mean, in bed? Or have you really gotten to know her on a deeper level?” She smirked and tilted her head. Harry was like this. He could connect with all kinds of people and it made his heart swell and lurch and then as fast as it filled up it all deflated just as quickly.

“Well, not just in bed. But yeah. We just clicked.”

“Look, I think that’s great. Just remember, you are okay as a single man too. Correct? You don’t need to be loved all the time. You are enough. You don’t have to fall in love and get married and have children to be a whole person. Society says you need that but you get to choose your path. But if you really like, this, uh… what’s her name?”

“Y/n. Even her name is pretty.”

“Y/n. Well, if you like her enough just take your time. Get to know her. Long distance is hard and phone calls are good but no substitute for face-to-face time. Do you think she’s as serious about this as you are?”

Harry shrugged and pursed his lips to the side, “I think so. I mean… we’ve talked about a lot and she’s told me so many things about herself. I guess I haven’t asked her to make it official, though.”

“Probably wise to wait to make it official. Jumping into a serious relationship could backfire as you well know. And there is the matter that you’re on the road so often. Did you see anyone else while you were away?”

Harry shook his head, “No. I actually really like Y/n. Didn’t want to do anything to fuck that up.”

Pat sighed, “You do realize you were supposedly spotted leaving a party with a woman people claimed you were kissing. Right? Just a couple of weeks ago. Which would have been after your Chicago shows.”

Harry groaned and nodded. He did know. His PR team told him about the supposed fan sighting and there was even a photo of him with a woman. Who he did kiss, but it wasn’t a kiss that meant anything. It was just a bit of fun and Harry had had a good amount of tequila. He honestly was just flirting and wanted to kiss the woman. But of course, when she wanted to take things further he declined because Y/n had been on his mind.

That was one thing about Harry. He was flirty and he’d kiss people he never intended on sleeping with. He kissed men and women and flirted all the time but usually, it was more friendly than sexual. Sometimes people got the wrong idea but that was just how Harry was. He loved getting close to people and touching. Loved hugs and kisses especially if he knew the person.

Even when he was with his last ex she’d gotten used to him kissing others and holding hands with someone else. But it wasn’t always very well received. Like the time she left one of the parties they were at early because she was tired and then he was filmed making out with a friend on a couch in front of people. He had a lot of explaining to do for that one. She forgave him but it hurt her. She cried. Harry felt bad that he’d done it. He loved how it felt to kiss someone and have them kiss him back, the zip of excitement and the tiniest bit of tension.

“Yes. I’m aware. I don’t know that she’s heard anything just yet. I think the photo only got published like yesterday or day before.”

“Well, it’s probably a good idea to talk to her about it before she sees the photo and reads the salacious headlines. That is if you’re interested in still seeing her.”

He nodded and looked down at his lap.

“Now, let’s talk about how you’re doing with all your new endeavors coming up. The timelines and the travel that will entail.”

.           .           .

Y/n was usually late with getting news or updates on celebrities. She spent a lot of her time painting during the day so unless she took a break and used her free time to peruse social media sites she might not realize things like the fact that the man she was beginning to develop feelings for had kissed another woman while he was away in another country.

Just as on this day. She was blissfully unaware of what he’d done as of yet. That is until Kat, her best friend, called in the middle of her glazing a painting she’d just completed.

She hadn’t told anyone about Harry except for Kat. Kat would keep her mouth shut about everything. Y/n knew she could trust her friend with her new secret. Not that Harry told her to not tell anyone but he did mention it would be better if very few people knew.

“Hello?” She spoke into the receiver as she capped the glaze and wiped her hands on her bibs.

“Hey babe. Did you see the link I sent you?”

“Uh… no. I’ve been working on a piece all morning.”

“Put me on speaker. Take a look.”

Y/n clicked the sound to the speaker and opened up her texts to see the link from Kat.

The moment the Daily Mail website came up with a blurry, dark photo of Harry standing very close to a woman she felt her heart drop.

Reading the caption of the article:

STYLES SPOTTED KISSING MYSTERY WOMAN IN COLOMBIA

“Are you seeing it?” Kat asked.

“Yeah. I am.”

The article mentioned him leaving with the woman after a party and Y/n put the phone back to her ear, not wanting to read more in that moment, “Thank you, Kat. I’m glad you showed me.”

“Of course. I mean… it’s Daily Mail so it might not be anything, but I just wanted you to have that info just in case. You know?”

Y/n nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat, “Yeah. I know. I’m gonna go, though. I need to finish my canvas. But I’ll call you later, okay?”

Letting out a shaky breath she sat down so she could read the whole article, line by line. Obsess over the information and then google to find more websites and gossip pages, supposed first-hand accounts, unnamed sources talking about how he’s been seeing her for a while and he’s excited, other blurry photos of him at the party drinking…

She shook her head and stood up, locking her phone and putting it down on the table near the bottle of glaze. She looked over her canvas and figured she could take a break. It would be good for her to get out and take a walk. Clear her mind and figure out what she wanted to do.

Her walk resulted in her only dwelling on everything. He hadn’t called her in a couple of days but she knew he was traveling back to LA. She felt like he’d probably needed the rest from all the shows, the jetlag, time zone changes… but perhaps it was because he was seeing someone else now.

And that was certainly possible. They didn’t know one another all that well. She hadn’t even told him the whole story about her husband yet. About what had happened to him. And there had been no commitment made. They had sex in his hotel room. A few times. And it was really good. She felt they had a unique connection. Her feelings for him grew a little more quickly than was wise probably and the Facetime calls with all the revelations of things from their past and what they wanted in the future felt like she was talking to someone whom she could see herself with. He’d also given her his personal cellphone number which she knew was sort of a big deal.

But of course, that was ridiculous. This was Harry Styles and even if he did like her (which she was sure he liked her on some level) that didn’t mean they’d end up together. He could choose anyone. It certainly wouldn’t be her.

Later that night as she snacked on dill pickles and popcorn she fell into the hole of the search engine on her laptop.

The night Harry was supposedly seen with the woman was a night he hadn’t called her (she checked her call log). He didn’t call her every night, but it was still noted. Then she found another “source” saying Harry was happier than he’d ever been and that the Colombian woman was spotted in LA with him.

He hadn’t called her again that night either. Closing her laptop she figured it was over. She wouldn’t be calling him to find out what was going on. He didn’t owe her anything and it would look weird and stalkery to be asking him about the other woman. As if she had any claim on him.

Opening up her DMs on Instagram she decided to check back in on Dante. He’d messaged her all that time ago and she’d left him on read once Harry came into the picture. Maybe it was time to find someone closer to being in her own league.

.           .           .

Harry had a little time off and he caught up on much-needed sleep and getting back into a normal routine. He’d planned on calling Y/n that night. He’d been back in LA for a few days and felt like he was back in the right time zone finally. But he wondered why he hadn’t heard from her at all either. Normally she’d send off a little text during the day. A meme or something that would make him laugh. But it was silence from her for almost five whole days. Not that he’d reached out either but still…

He wondered what she was doing. It was a Saturday night and when he realized she was two hours ahead of him he figured he might as well give her a ring to see how she was. It was nearly 9pm her time already.

But the call went to voicemail so he left a message, a smile on his face, “Hey you… haven’t heard from you in a few days figured I’d give you a call to see what’s happening. I’ve been back in LA for a bit and I’m all caught up on rest. Give me a call back when you’ve time!”

She didn’t return his call that evening.

The following day Harry checked his messages and texts but he’d still gotten nothing from her and it was already midday (yes, he’d slept in quite late since he was up late writing a new song he couldn’t get out of his head). It was odd.

Shooting off a text message to her he suddenly had a feeling that perhaps she was avoiding him. Perhaps she’d seen the articles about him with someone else. He hoped that wouldn’t deter her from wanting to see him again. Hoped that she’d at least let him explain.

He needed to do something about it if that was the case. He couldn’t let her slip away without even having had the chance to see where it could go.

.           .           .

She heard the voicemail. In fact, she saw her phone light up with a notification that he was calling her in real time.

But she’d just messaged Dante and they had plans to meet up the following weekend. She’d been lucky that he hadn’t already come to town for the art exhibit. She thought she’d missed her chance when she messaged Dante back and apologized for not responding sooner. But he was polite as ever and they made plans to see one another.

So she was going to move on from Harry. There was unlikely anything good to come of it anyway. She had an amazing night with him and a handful of orgasms she could reminisce on but he was a world-famous pop star and he was single and surely he wanted to play the field for as long as he could. She understood it, but that didn’t make the situation feel any better. Therefore, the only way to get over him and to move on was to stop contact with him and get back out there.

Plus, now that she’d been with a man after her husband she felt like it was time to start dating again. It had been fun with Harry and she could have fun with others too. Maybe she’d sleep around a bit. See what that was like. Sow her wild oats. She’d gotten married so young and had little experience before him… Yeah, it was time to get out and date.

The following day she saw a text from Harry after leaving a meeting with someone who knew an art dealer.

Was just thinking of you. Missed hearing your voice. I’m back in LA now. Call me or text back. 

She sat in her car and locked her phone, putting her head behind her on the headrest. What was he doing? She was kind of confused that he’d called her, left a voicemail, and then today had texted her. She really was trying to just move on. Figured he had too. But she was too curious not to call him. However, she’d keep him waiting until she was at home with a bottle of wine before she reached out. Maybe she’d hear him out. Maybe he wouldn’t bring up the other woman. She wouldn’t be bringing it up unless he did, but he had to know she’d heard about it. Right?

So, she took the long way to her house, stopping to pick up a bottle of wine and Chinese food before getting home.

She drew her curtains and took her clothes off, only wearing her panties and a tank top, and put her hair up in a messy bun on her head (like the real-deal messy buns, not those cute going-out-messy-on-purpose messy buns). Pouring herself a glass of wine and taking a big gulp she looked down at her cell phone as she sat on her couch and re-read his text.

For some reason she was nervous. She wasn’t sure how this conversation would play out but she wanted to find out what the result would be. This could possibly (most definitely) be the end for them. And she’d be okay with that if it were. Bummed, but fine. She still had her date with Dante to look forward to.

She dialed the number and put him on speaker as she leaned back into her couch and covered her face. She didn’t know if he’d pick up or not but she wanted to get this conversation out of the way.

“Hello!” Harry’s voice came over the speaker quickly. He sounded keyed up.

“Hi. It’s Y/n. You called and texted so I wanted to return your call.”

“Oh yeah… well, it’s been a few days. Was wondering how you were. So, yeah… How’ve you been?”

“I’m good. And you?”

Harry paused and noted the way she answered him in a clipped tone, cold. Not her normal friendly disposition.

“I’m well. Is… is everything all right?”

“Sure. Just doing my thing. Is everything all right with you?”

Harry sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, “Yeah. Um… did you read something about me? Is that why you’re upset?”

Y/n laughed and took a sip of her wine. Here we go, she thought to herself.

“Do I sound upset to you, Harry?”

“You actually do. Yes. Look, if you’re pissed about the articles from when I was in Colombia, I just want you to know that all of that is blown out of proportion. Right? So-“

“Oh. Interesting So you’re saying you didn’t make out with a Colombian woman at a party in Bogota?” God, she hated to sound so jealous but he did bring it up first. She cringed as she let her hurt feelings surface, but it was too late to keep her cool like she intended.

Harry sighed loudly, “I just mean that’s all blown out of propor-“

“Yes, you said that. I’m asking if what is being said is true or not.”

“It didn’t mean anything, Y/n. I am a bit of a flirt and I kissed a woman but that was it! I swear. I thought of you the whole time-“

“It’s fine, Harry. You don’t owe me anything. Besides, I’m going on a date next weekend anyway. We’re free to see other people, right? And-“

“A date? Next weekend?”

She laughed, “Yes. A date. Next weekend. It’s not like you and I will get to see one another much anyway. If at all. So there’s no reason to drag this out. We had fun but it’s clearly not something we need to bother ourselves with.”

“Bother… what? I thought we really connected, Y/n. I’m confused. I really like you.”

“But how can you say that when you made out with someone else? I really like you too Harry but you’re seeing other people because you know as well as I do that this, whatever it is between us, was never serious. Right?”

“No. No that’s not true. And I didn’t make out with her! It was like a quick party kiss sort of thing. Damnit! I swear, Y/n. I’m sorry. I had a little too much tequila and I kissed her but I really was thinking about you and she wanted me to come with her to her room but I told her I was seeing someone and that was it! God, I fucked this up didn’t I?”

Y/n sat for a moment. She had to admit she was surprised by all of this. Surprised that he’d contacted her after she didn’t respond the first time, that he seemed upset about possibly having offended her or hurting her, and that he was acting like he really did like her. But she determined that it was best if they parted ways. She realized it would simply be too hard for this to work. And based on the way his fans obsessed over the Colombian woman and were already talking shit about her (when they didn’t even know who it was) she knew she was right. She had to put an end to it before she got her heart broken.

“There was never anything to fuck up, Harry. But, look… let’s be honest here okay? I’m just a regular gal. I’m not your type, not the type that would be able to deal with your fame and all your adoring fans. I had a lot of fun with you and I think you are absolutely amazing. I really do like you but I just can’t see this working. You know?”

Harry shook his head and tried to stay calm. He had to think. He had to make this work. And he needed to not freak out about the fact that she was going on a date. He hated to think of her with anyone else. And yes, he did kiss a woman, but it wasn’t the same thing! Not to him anyway.

“I think you’re wrong. I think it can work. Let me prove it to you. I’ll come see you. Cancel your date next weekend and let me take you out instead.”

Y/n blinked her eyes, taken aback. She was truly shocked that he wanted to see her again and that he wanted to make it work but still…

“Harry…” she sighed, “you can’t expect me to cancel my date. That’s really not fair to me.”

He knew she was right, “Okay. Sorry. I guess I’m overstepping. I just thought we really connected. I was looking forward to seeing you again.”

Pulling her lips into her mouth she sat her glass of wine down. She was looking forward to seeing him again too, until she learned about the kiss. Even if they weren’t serious and even if the kiss meant nothing to him it meant something to her, “Please don’t make this hard. I really did like you, Harry. But it’s obviously not going to work. And that’s okay.”

“No. It’s not okay. I’m coming to see you. You don’t have to cancel your date. I’m not going to boss you around, but I’ll be flying to Chicago on Friday morning. I’m going to prove to you that we have something good here, Y/n. And if you still don’t see that after next weekend then I’ll back off.”

She couldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t beside herself with the idea that he wanted to put in so much effort to see her. And she certainly couldn’t stop him from going to Chicago and she wouldn’t. But she did feel like it was unlikely he’d actually show up.

“I mean… Jesus, Harry.” She shook her head and grinned, her heart pounding, “You’re crazy. I don’t understand why you want to do this. We had a night together-“

“It was more than just a night. Y/n, come on… you know as well as I do that it was more than just that. All the things we talked about on the phone all those nights. Did that mean nothing? I shared so many personal things with you and I know so many things about you too. But I want to know everything. All of you. I might be crazy but I can’t just give up.”

“We’ll see. And I can’t stop you from flying out here but I’m not going to make you any promises either.”

Harry was determined. More than ever. He knew it was special with Y/n. He knew she knew it too. The night he had her in his hotel room was maybe the hottest sex he’d ever had. And of course, hot sex doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re soul mates but the way they connected and were vulnerable with one another was not like anything he’d ever had. Then all their subsequent conversations and things they’d revealed about themselves? No. He wasn’t done and she wasn’t either. He felt it deep down that she wanted him to prove to her that he was serious.

Kissing that woman had been a mistake. And now he was going to prove to her that he was serious. That they could work.

.           .           .

She didn’t know why she told him where she was going to be on her date. She didn’t need to tell him. He could wait to see her until after. She told him as much at first when he called her the moment he landed.

“Where will you be with your date?” He spoke saying the word date like a dirty word.

“Harry… why do you need that information?”

“Because I’m just curious. Maybe I’m looking for restaurant suggestions.”

“I’m sure,” she rolled her eyes to herself, “If I tell you, you better not show up and ruin everything. I kind of like this guy, Harry.”

Harry’s heart fell into his stomach and the smirk on his face faded at that. She liked the guy? She was supposed to only like him.

“I won’t ruin anything. I promise.” He couldn’t actually make that promise. He wouldn’t be held accountable for the methods he used to convince her she was his. That she wanted to be with him only.

.           .           .

The steak house was a typical small-town restaurant that looked cutesy and had a few things on the outside of the building to let you know it was a restaurant but still came off as more of something that looked like a house.

The inside wasn’t much different. The entry into the restaurant started at the bar. Round high-top tables and tall stools scattered along the middle with dining tables with chairs of normal height lined the wall to the right. The bar with various bottles of neatly arranged, half-empty bottles of liquor along the left. Old wood floors, crown molding, high ceilings, an old dusty scent mixed with the smell of stale spilled beer (that smell just doesn’t come out after years of clumsy customers insisting on spilling their ales every night for the past 35 years), food cooking, and meat searing. Beyond the bar was the main dining room with more tables placed around the space and large windows that looked out onto a sizeable terrace with more tables under a large awning.

Harry let his gaze move around the room and walking past the bar he peeked into the main dining room to see if he could spot the woman of his dreams.

“Harry Styles!” A young lady shrieked and as he turned back he saw two other women walking toward him. He knew the look. They were starstruck and hoping for a chance to speak to him and get a photo.

Reluctantly he obliged. Signed a napkin, took a few pictures, and shook their hands with a smile on his face. It tended to be better to just be nice and give them something quickly instead of declining. Sometimes declining or saying he couldn’t resulted in more issues than it was worth.

Not spotting Y/n anywhere either inside or outside he asked the young man stood at the front if there was a reservation under Y/n’s name. He expected that her date would have put it under his name but on the off chance-

“Yes sir. Uh, that reservation for 2 people isn’t for another fifteen minutes. Are you the other party on the reservation?”

Harry grinned and nodded, “Why yes. I am.”

He followed behind the kid to a spot outside on the terrace and ordered a bottle of red wine. He knew he wouldn’t be able to drink the whole thing but figured that once Y/n arrived with her date they could finish it off. He knew that what he was doing was taking it a little too far (maybe a lot too far) but he wanted to properly greet her and get a good look at this date. He’d get up and let them take their seats and then he’d pay the bill of course as an apology for the inconvenience.

Before he’d finished his glass of wine his sight landed on the entry to the terrace where Y/n, a tall man with dark hair (presumably her date), and the young host who seated Harry were walking toward him. There she was. She’d really dressed up too. The low plunge of her dress and the way it hit her hips were mouthwatering. He stood up quickly as he continued to watch her in awe. Her pretty face was set in an unamused frown, “What are you doing Harry?”

Shrugging his shoulders he looked to the guy next to her. He was Harry’s height. Taller even. Annoyingly good-looking in an older, sophisticated yet unbothered kind of way, “I’m Harry,” he jutted his hand out to shake.

The date looked at Y/n and then back to Harry with his hand taking Harry’s in a firm shake, “Yeah, I know who you are. Harry Styles… But why are you sitting at our table?” He asked with a laugh. So she hadn’t told her date about him. Pity.

“Oh, I was just having a sit, drinking a little wine. But I’ll be on my way. Just wanted to make sure my lovely friend here made it safely. Oh! And please! Enjoy the rest of the wine. And I’ve already told them that the tab is on me. So get whatever you like. Go wild.”

The look of anger on Y/n’s face should have deterred Harry from speaking further, but he couldn’t help himself, “And you look… wow. Incredible. You’re stunning, Y/n,” he looked over her frame and then back to her face, “I’ll call you later,” he winked as he turned and sauntered away just as casually as he had mentioned he was paying their bill. As if it were all just a normal occurrence.

Y/n watched the handsome pop star walk away before turning to Dante, “Sorry about that. He was just trying to be funny. Just a friend,” she reassured.

Though, Dante didn’t seem wary of him at all. He was clueless as to what had just happened, “You know Harry Styles?!”

Sitting down and pushing Harry’s nearly empty glass of cabernet to the edge of the table she nodded, “Yeah. Met him a couple of months ago when he was in Chicago for a concert, and I was there for an art show. Just luck.”

She left out the part where he had her in his posh hotel suite one evening and they spent the whole night fucking and talking and laughing. Connecting. And then again in the morning until she had to leave.

Y/n wasn’t sure how to feel about Harry’s little stunt. He seemed like such a genuinely sweet guy that what had just happened felt a little out of character. Though she got some glimpses of his pushy, dominant side in bed, she hadn’t seen any of that persona transfer outside of the bedroom. Not when he first introduced himself, and not in any of their conversations on the phone… But she guessed perhaps there was a part of him that would come out in this way. And she couldn’t lie and say she didn’t enjoy it all deep down.

But still. The nerve of him to sit at the table she and her date would be sharing and drink wine while he waited for them. To look at her the way he had, his eyes blatantly following her shape down to her hips and back up again with that grin… The compliment. And then to have their bill paid for? It was a power move. He was trying to assert dominance over Dante in some way. Even though Dante was annoyingly clueless somehow. She thought for sure he’d be livid about it but he wasn’t.

Dante was a little too nice she decided.

And it’s not like Y/n thought her date should be upset. She didn’t want two men fighting over her or anything. But the part of her that kind of liked what Harry had done, liked that he was trying to stake a claim or send a message- wanted to see what Dante had in him. Wanted maybe just a tiny bit to see him jealous or even insist on paying despite the fact that Harry said he would. Dante didn’t seem threatened at all. She shook her head of those thoughts. How silly for Y/n to even think that he should feel that way. Of course not!

And she couldn’t stop thinking about how good he looked in his suit and his thick dark hair with soft curls as she and her date neared the table he was casually sitting at. The handsome smug look on his face as he watched them. And she tried to refocus and listen as Dante was talking about his recent gallery show but she was now stuck thinking about the night she and the famous man shared together. That was probably part of what he intended as well, showing up like he did. To set the tone for the entire date. He knew what he was doing. And it had worked.

“Excuse me. I need to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

She took a deep breath as she walked into the restaurant and followed the hanging wooden signs that pointed toward the little hallway where the two bathrooms were. A single toilet room each for women and men.

Flicking the light on and clicking the lock she leaned into the door and closed her eyes. She had to give herself a pep talk.

“You’re here with a perfectly nice and handsome man. Same interests, a level head, funny, humble…” and Dante was all those things. But something was missing. Something was holding her back from truly enjoying his company. And she knew just what it was. It was because he wasn’t Harry. And even if Harry hadn’t made his surprise appearance to discombobulate her completely, interrupting her date, she would have still felt the same.

Just as she pushed herself off the door there was a knock, “Sorry! Be right out!”

Y/n washed her hands and dried them before opening the door. But in a shocking split-second, she was met with the handsome smile of the man she couldn’t stop thinking about as he walked into the bathroom, causing her to step herself backward. Harry closed the door and clicked the lock.

“Harry! What are you doing?!”

Harry smirked and leaned his back into the door, “How’s the date going?”

Crossing her arms over her chest she tried to feign annoyance but she was working hard to hide her own grin, “It’s fine. I like Dante. Why are you still here?”

“I figured I’d see if you were free after. I brought some things with me that I think you might enjoy.”

She paused. He brought some things? What did that mean?

“I can’t believe I told you where my date was,” she shook her head and sighed.

“I’m sure you did it because you hoped for this very outcome.”

“Oh come on, Harry. I actually didn’t think you’d even come here this weekend, to be honest.”

Harry stitched his brows together and pushed himself off the door, taking two long-legged strides toward her, and brought his hands up to her face, “Well I am here. And I want you, Y/n. I don’t care that you’re on a fucking date. That should be me sitting out there getting to take you out,” he jabbed a finger in the air toward the door before returning his palm to her cheek.

Her blood pumped quickly through her veins and her head felt fluttery and light as she watched his mouth and then looked at his eyes as he spoke. His hair was fluffy and soft and his hands on her face felt gentle but she knew what they could do. All the very opposite things of gentle that had awakened some kind of indulgent new requirement. She wanted to put up a good fight. Make him work harder. Make him beg a little even. He’d kissed another woman! For god’s sake, she should make him grovel. But he was there. With her. Looking at her like he did that last morning they were together when they were making plans to keep contact until they could see one another again.

She didn’t know how to respond. If she were responding candidly, she’d tell him that yeah, it should be him out there treating her to dinner and not Dante. That she hadn’t been able to get him off her mind and last night, even though she had this date lined up, it was Harry’s image that she orgasmed to when she masturbated. In fact, it had only been Harry she got off to since she’d had that night with him nearly two months ago.

Harry tilted his head and spoke softly, “Please, Y/n. Do you want me to get on my knees? Beg? Or,” a small devious smirk quirked up on his lips as he licked them and ducked in to speak into her ear, his body pressed into hers, “maybe you want this. You like the chase, don’t you? Is that what you want? Trying to play hardball with me, sweet girl?”

She was a goner the moment his lips brushed over the shell of her ear and he brought his hands down from her face to her hips and pulled her in close. A small warm peck to her lobe, “What is it that you want me to do? I’ll do it.”

Y/n drew her hands up his back to his broad shoulders and moaned as she stretched her neck for him, “You shouldn’t be here. I’m in the middle of a date.”

And despite her words, Harry seemed to figure out what it was she needed and he dragged his mouth down to her jaw and then attached his lips to her neck and lightly peppered kisses and warm licks down the sensitive skin until he lowered enough that he’d made it to her clavicle, drawing a needy little gasp from her lips.

He backed away to look down at her and she had her lips parted and eyes closed, which made him smile.

She was his.

“And this dress,” he smoothed his hands down from her hips to the bottom hem of the material that landed just above her knee. He pulled the fabric upward, his warm fingers sliding up and under the stretchy cloth until he met her inner thighs, squeezed together, “Why did you do this? Wearing this for him? Baby this dress should only be for me.”

Her breaths deepened and her body grew hot with his hands on her. This was such a bad idea but she didn’t have it in her to stop him. She wanted him. When she opened her eyes and looked at Harry she licked her lips before speaking, “I hoped you’d see it. But I didn’t really think you’d come.”

Harry’s palms splayed against her thighs and continued to push the material up as he smiled at her with a cocky grin, “Wanted me to see it. So you wanted me to be jealous. To see you wearing this slutty thing on a date with another man while I watched. Suppose I deserve that. But you know you’re leaving here with me. Yeah? That’s what you wanted. Gonna show you what you deserve for teasing like this.”

Y/n let out a small whimper when he pushed her legs apart and kept his eyes on hers. His light green eyes were slowly disappearing under his dark pupils. His lids were droopy, and his lips parted as he finally moved his face to hers and nudged at her nose with his before putting her out of her misery and kissing her in a hot, desperate embrace.

She tried to resist but she’d already been a goner and the way he kissed her melted her senses and stamped out her resolve.

She was his.

Harry’s hands continued their path upward and she knew what he was doing, as far gone and mushy as her brain was, she understood his intentions. So she parted her thighs more for his access and Harry panted against her lips, “You want me to touch? Need a little something before you go back out there on your date?”

She nodded after faltering for a second. Her date… She wasn’t sure she could face him after this. She only knew she wanted Harry.

He pushed his fingers over her silky panties and grinned as he continued kissing her, her back pressed into the wall, “Fuck, baby girl. You need Daddy don’t you?”

She groaned and popped her eyes open, nodding the tiniest bit as she watched him use his hand on her, rubbing over her cloth-covered clit. Harry hissed and looked at her with sultry eyes, “Soaked for me, baby. You don’t want to go back out there to him. You need to be taken care of. Can you wait til we get back to your place or do you need it now?”

Harry was serious. He was going to leave with Y/n. Dante would be fine. His check was covered after all.

Y/n let out a shaky breath. Here or at hers? Her place was half an hour away and she was already vibrating with desire. Harry’s words and soft touches and his presence somehow pulled from her a need that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. One that she was certain Dante couldn’t affect.  

“This is crazy,” she breathed out.

Harry pushed his mouth to hers and moved his fingers down to the drenched crotch of her panties pushing them to the side and he keened at the feel of how slick she was under the pads of his fingers.

“Remember how good it was, Y/n? How you moaned and came over and over again? The way you took me when I fucked you.”

Harry was hard as rock in his trousers. This woman was doing things to him. He hadn’t been so determined about anyone in a very long time.

“Yes,” she whispered when he stroked up and down through her labia and then pressed into the hood of her clit.

“And how good we are together. We work, Y/n. This works. I know you know it.”

He plunged two fingers inside as he kissed her mouth. She opened her legs further for him and rocked her hips forward into his hand.

Y/n realized suddenly where they were and what they were doing when a knock sounded on the door, “Let’s go. I need to tell Dante that I’m leaving first.”

Harry was directed to stay outside at the front of the restaurant while Y/n went to the terrace and broke the news to Dante. She felt awful. She really did. Dante was nice. He was attractive. But he wasn’t her type in the end and she was slick between her thighs as she sat down and winced at the feel. The empty ache. She was flushed and her panties were chilled against her skin where it was wet, a result of just having been fingered in the bathroom. But her body was guiding her. She was aching and wanted Harry in her bedroom. Wanted Harry inside of her again.

It was probably a mistake. She’d probably regret this but she only knew one thing. And that was that Dante would never have a chance. Not when she was fantasizing about Harry on a date with him. That wasn’t fair to him, to string him along. So she justified that it was better this way.

.           .           .

Y/n had fully expected that Harry would have a driver or something. But to her surprise, he rented a car. A really nice car. A Mercedes Benz wagon.

She did kind of wish he had a driver, though, so they could sit in the back and that there was one of those partitions that separated them from view. But as it was, she was sitting in the passenger side as Harry drove her to her house.

It was kind of wild to her that Harry Styles was driving her to her house and that once there, in her small residential bungalow, they’d probably wind up having sex. Certainly, they’d wind up having sex.

“I’m sorry I did it this way,” Harry paused with a smirk on his face, “but not that sorry. Worked out in my favor.”

Y/n breathed out a laugh and shook her head, “Yeah, I guess you got your way. I imagine you’re used to that.”

“Heey! What’s that supposed to mean?” He knew exactly what she meant.

“It just means you’re probably not used to not getting exactly what you want.”

Harry nodded shallowly as he kept his eyes on the road in silence. He was just happy it had worked. He wasn’t sure it would. And yes, he was used to getting what he wanted but he didn’t expect to get everything he wanted. Not all the time anyway.

“My place is pretty small. Two bedrooms. One bathroom. A small backyard. So don’t judge, okay?” She was mostly teasing, feeling quite nervous about what was soon to happen. The state of her home was actually the last thing on her mind.

“Don’t be nervous, love. We’re going to have a great time together.”

Y/n gulped the saliva in her throat and looked ahead toward the road. She knew they’d have a great time together if their last time together was any indicator. In fact, she imagined it might be even better. He was visiting for three days and she had nothing to do other than finish the canvas she’d been working on for the past week. So they’d have a lot of time. To explore and to play. To talk.

She recalled a conversation they had one night over the phone when Harry brought up her pretty, plump bottom, his words still making her blush having never enjoyed anyone calling her plump in any way. But somehow, when Harry said it, it felt sexy. He made her feel sexy. Her curves and her extra bits, her tummy and ass and arms and thighs… they only spent the one night together but he made her feel as if all of her was beautiful.

“Such a pretty, plump bottom like yours… and you’ve never had anal sex before, or anything? My finger was the first to poke inside?” He spoke his words with a smile.

She was already lying down in bed and gently rubbing herself to the sound of his voice and he’d been heavily flirting and suggesting what they’d do together the next time they saw one another.

“No. Have never done anything back there,” she laughed breathily.

“We can change that. I can start by licking your pussy and your ass until you’re so wet and creamy that I can just slip my finger inside your little hole and get you ready for more.”

She moaned lightly at the idea.

He continued, “And once you’re shaking and begging to come I’ll slowly fill you up with my cock so you can finally experience what it’s like.”

Y/n laughed and paused her fingers, “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Harry groaned and panted (he was also touching himself), “Oh I would be in heaven to have you any way you wanted. But to be able to be your first experience with that would be amazing. But the question is, Y/n, would you like that?”

She squirmed in the soft black leather seats just thinking about it. She wasn’t sure if he’d want to go that route or not but she figured if he got her loosened up and drippy she probably would very much want that. She felt like he’d make it good. She knew he’d make it good.

Harry noticed the way she shifted and wondered if she was still on edge. He imagined her panties were a mess after what happened in the bathroom. He would have loved to have fucked her then and there but she asked to leave. And he could wait a little longer, though his cock was aching and pushing against the front of his trousers painfully.

Y/n was trying not to eye his crotch. He clearly had an erection. Still. And she knew he was nice and thick and long. Just remembering the way he looked had her thighs clenching together. Yes, she was still very wet in her panties, and knowing that soon he’d be using that thing on her gave her an idea.

She reached her hand over and put her palm on his upper thigh over his pants and Harry quickly glanced down before putting his eyes back on the road. He swallowed thickly. He liked where this was going.

“Gonna help me out a little?”

Y/n smirked and looked up at him as she unbuckled her seatbelt, “Do you want me to?”

Harry scoffed and shot his eyes at her quickly, “Is that a serious question?”

Biting her lip she positioned herself to lean over the leather console and began to undo the leather belt he had on. Harry adjusted his seating and pressed the seat back button to lean back a little to give her more room as she unbuttoned his pants. He parted his lips and let out a labored breath when he felt her palm over him.

He was so warm under her hand, even with the material of his pants covering him. She continued working on opening his pants up when the seatbelt warning dinged.

Harry groaned and rolled his eyes but she continued, not worried at all about the sound. She wanted to pull him out and play with him a little bit.

The road to her house from the restaurant was mostly along a small highway with no stoplights and very little traffic. Which she liked so she could have him out in her hand and no one would pull up next to them and catch a glimpse of what they were doing. Not to mention it was Harry Styles in the car, that would surely get some attention.

When she finally dragged his underwear down enough that she could grasp around him he moaned softly. She loved how he felt in her hand, the way he looked. She pulled from the base of his shaft upward, rolling his foreskin over his frenulum and back down. He was hard and his tip was pink and pretty like his lips.

The ding of the seatbelt warning chimed again as she leaned further over and moved her lips to right above his erect cock. Harry moved his arm away to give her space, before putting his hand on the back of her head. Her hair fell over the exposed skin at the base of his cock before he felt her lick gently over his slit and stroked him slowly as Harry drove down the road toward her home.

It was difficult to put him into her mouth with the console in between them but she had been able to put his tip in past her lips and lick all around him, lapping at his precome as she continued moving her hand in gentle strokes at his shaft.

Harry was panting shallowly and his stomach muscles were contracting. It felt so good to have her mouth and her hand on him. He wished he could look down to see her sucking him off but he had to keep an eye on the road, and with her seatbelt undone (thanks to the reminder every two minutes from the warning chime) he didn’t want to chance anything.

Y/n moaned around his slit and Harry choked out his words, “Fuck, baby. We’re almost there. Gonna give it to you so good when we get to your place.”

And she knew he would too. She wasn’t very experienced. She’d slept with two men before she got married but of all the men who’d fucked her, Harry was far and away the best at it.

Harry pulled into her small driveway, directly behind her Toyota Camry. Tucking himself back into his pants as she adjusted her dress before getting out of his car and plucking her keys from her purse.

“Did he pick you up here at your house?” He pointed toward her car in the driveway. He deduced that if her vehicle was there the date must have come to her home to pick her up.

Y/n paused and it took her a moment to understand what he meant but the realization dawned on her, “Yes. He did.”

Harry nodded, “So he knows where you live? Did you invite him in?”

Sighing she shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Was he really doing this now? “Yes. He came in, stood in the doorway, and looked around while I grabbed my purse. That was it.”

Harry was standing over her with a small frown, “Were you planning on sleeping with him? After the dinner?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. What is this, Harry?” She pulled her arms upward before dropping them at her sides in frustration, the keys to her house jangling as she did so.

Putting his hands on her upper arms he slowly rubbed upward, “This is just me wondering what you were up to is all. It’s a good thing I got there in time to stop anything from happening.”

A scoff fell from her lips as she looked up at him, stunned, “No. This is you being jealous.”

Harry shook his head with a cocky grin and brought his left hand up to her neck and pulled her into his chest, “I’d be jealous if you left with him. But he’s nowhere to be seen now is he?”

She felt the small squeeze on her neck as he pushed her bottom gently to the front of his car, his hips connected to hers so she could feel him, “S’just you and me here, though. Isn’t it? You’re wet for me. Not for him,” his soft, warm mouth was suddenly pasted over her jaw and she gasped. It was hard for her head to fight its way out of the labyrinth of mush that he seemed to be so good at leading her into. But he knew that. He loved the way she responded to him.

Harry chuckled, his laugh vibrating off her neck as he tenderly kissed the edge of her parted lips before backing away and grasping her hand to pull her to her front door, “Let’s get inside then. Can’t fuck you out here on the hood of the car for all to see can I?”

Everything was rushed and desperate in her brain. She was shaky putting her key into her door to unlock with Harry right behind her, his hands at her hips, his lips on her neck.

The moment the door was closed and locked Harry pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. It was hot and frantic. They were both on edge and very much in need of release. Together. Even though he acted as if he had it totally together and he was in charge, he was feeling desperate too with the way his tip was leaky and his cock throbbed in his pants.

“It’s this way,” she panted breathlessly as she pulled his hand to bring him toward her bedroom.

But Harry paused when he saw a large, framed photo hung on the wall. It was of Y/n with a man. Kissing a man. She was wearing a beautiful wedding dress and the man was in a tuxedo with the backdrop of a lovely garden and flowers all around.  

“Is… this you?”

Y/n was halted when she whipped her head to look at what he’d seen. She realized instantly what he meant.

“Um. Yes.”

“Are you… married?”

Y/n sighed and let go of Harry’s hand.

Talk about a mood killer.

Chapter 3

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[cowboyjen68]

i am 24, from chicago and i have a crush on youuuu

You are very sweet to tell me and this is my opportunity to talk about how healthy internet personalities or "celebrity" crushes are to young lesbians finding thier own sexuality in a world that mostly assumes people straight (becuase statisically that is objectively true).

I still, to this day, remember, as a teen and young woman having a crush on Christy McNichol, Nancy McKeon (or more particularly her character Jo), and Tatum O Neal. There were older women like Markie Post and Erin Gray who I crushed on. "Ooo older women, they are so steady and have their shit together .. and HOT". I actually knew very little about them off screen. My Teen magazines were featuring TEEN stars, for good reason.

But I still crushed on them and watching thier sitcoms. Most of these women were straight but that was not really important. What was important was they were not really real. I could build them to be how I want to be in my mind using the superficial things I could see about them or learn from little interviews etc.

The internet has changed that dynamic slightly. I am accessible. Reachable. A real person. I wonder if someday media experts will refer to"CowboyJen" as a character I created. They would be wrong but I would understand the thought process. There are aspects of my life I don't share. No one wants to see me ass dragging at 10 pm after a 15 hour shift sitting on my bed trying to untie my shoes before I fall asleep or cleaning my bathroom . My life is entwined with others and I protect their privacy unless they agree to participate.

I do answer DM's. I do respond to comments. I am not simply a character on a small screen that does not interact with the audience. That is a shift in the "celebrity" paradigm. And it can make crushes seem much more real.

What I want to address is that crushes and fantasizing about other women IS NORMAL and healthy and a tool to help us figure what we like, learn to enjoy our sexuality. I remember feeling shame for thinking about these women because it was "dirty" and "creepy". In reality it was no such thing. It is just a normal part of being human, to seek out a safe outlet for fantasy, day dreaming and forming our dislikes and likes in our own head and heart so we can translate that to our real dating/love life.

Crushes don't stop at the teens or 20's. I would argue most adults experience crushes as well and it is just another tool in our humanity that we use to navigate the world we live in.

The largest difference is my generation's crushes were relatively unreachable. Fan mail was mostly answered by an employee or a hired service. Any contact in real life with back stage passes or "meet and greets" were heavily controlled and monitored for safety and to protect the image of the celebrity. And also to often to prevent the musician or actor from over stepping his/her bounds too.

Now many smaller scale recognizable people are accessible in real life. We live and work in our communities. I didn't create a character I just share my life and my reality because I think it can truly give other lesbians and women hope that we are not destined to life of stereotypes because we are butch, or lesbian, or bi or female or not rich or any number of things that get false expectations attached to it.

I guess what I am saying is your crush is healthy and normal and I would never shame anyone for having such feelings towards me. It is also my duty as a role model to not breech appropriate boundaries and I take that job very seriously. The fact is I travel to Chicago on occasion and I am out and about in the real world so the chances of me meeting followers like you and and others is highly likely at some point. I love meeting people and often to respond to and meet followers, who become my friends, in person. We are all people and I am dead serious about forming intergenerational lesbian connections in real life.

Your crush is your safe place to explore emotions and attractions so enjoy.

Side note: I don't not consider myself a "celebrity" LOL I am using that word in the broad sense as meaning a recognizable person outside of my in-person friends and community.

[nicole-timey-wimey-stuff]

It’s always been you

Dbf Negan x fem reader

Part 1 of 2

I’m really feeling the dad’s best friend Negan atm, I really like writing him in this AU.

Synopsis-NO OUTBREAK AU

Developing a crush on your dads best friend as a teenager, slowly morphs into something deeper as you grow up. When your an adult yourself he becomes a best friend to you too, one you take comfort from whenever your husband upsets you. When lines blur and feelings arise you’ll either burn your life to the ground, or you’ll get everything you’ve ever wanted since you were 17.

Warnings- Dads best friend, Large age gap, feelings, hurt, comfort, infidelity, confessions, smut, 18+ only, P in V, unprotected sex, emotional cheating (not from Negan), I made Negan’s mean ex wife an OC because I couldn’t do that to Lucille, my terrible writing as always. Negan’s character is based more on season 11 Negan, in the walking dead.

Was meant to be a one shot but as always I ran away with it so there will be a part 2.

Word count - 6.8K

_______________________________________

Negan, your dads closest friend came into your life when you were just 17 years old. Your family had moved across states from the bustling city of Chicago to Vermont New England. It had been quite a challenge for you at the time, being a teenager and in your final couple of years of school. In that moment it had felt like the end of the world, leaving all your friends behind and going from city life to country living. You’d hated your parents originally, but over time you realised they were only doing what they felt was best for you. The job your dad was offered was more money and it came with great perks, and the house they could afford here was four times the size of the apartment you had in Chicago.

So in time you settled in, your new neighbours were lovely too. The couple to the left of you were an elderly couple who had their children and grandchildren come over every weekend. They always offered you and your little brother home baked treats, as well as inviting you over to play with their own grandkids. At 17 you always politely declined but your little brother would usually go over, as they had a grandson a similar age.

Then to the right of you there were the Smith’s, Negan and his wife Rebecca lived in a three bed detached house, even though it was only themselves and their dog living there. Both clearly in their late 30’s they hadn’t had any children of their own. Negan became fast friends with your dad, always inviting each other over for beers and game nights. He become a constant visitor in your home, his wife on the other hand always stayed home even when she was invited by your mother.

They seemed to have a somewhat estranged relationship, they were always fighting which usually lead to her getting into her car and storming off down the road, not to be seen again until the next day. Negan would then come outside and sit on his porch lighting up a cigarette, this is when you would come over to talk with him.

Talking with Negan had always been easy, when you think back to your teenage days where you would have long in depth conversation with him, and make corny jokes to get him to smile again.

“Why did the waiter give the pony a glass of water?” You ask Negan in giggles, “I don’t know kid why?” He replies, “Because he was a little horse” you laugh, watching him laugh with you was the highlight of your weeks, “God kiddo that was terrible” he groans “Hey! You laughed” you tease, he just grins at you. Job accomplished, he was now smiling again, and it always caused butterflies to erupt in you stomach that you were the one who made it happen.

His wife was a piece of work though, she expected a lot, Negan had worked himself into the ground to provide her with the life she said she wanted, but she never seemed thankful. Any small thing he did would be brought up again and thrown in his face, and they weren’t even that bad, he accidentally broke her mother’s plate, or he forgot to collect the dry cleaning. It was as if Rebecca wanted to cause an argument, even so your mum had tried to befriend her.

As time went of their marriage fell apart and by the time you were 22 they were divorced, she had moved in with her new partner incredibly fast, leaving Negan alone in the house next door to you. Your dad and him started spending even more time together from then on, becoming the best of friends they are today.

Flash forward to today, you were now 30 years old and you and Negan still had a great bond. He’d become your best friend too in a sort of way, you talked daily through text, and called him weekly to check in. If something was broken, or your car had issues it would be him you turned too, at first it was because your dad had no clue, but over time it was because you’d rather call Negan than anyone else.

He’d been there for most major steps of your life, passing your driving test, finishing high school, leaving for and returning from college, your first date, first heartbreak, fall outs with friend’s, getting your first job…… he’s witnessed it all. He was even there the day you said I do to James, the day where you weren’t really sure you were making the right decision. James was a good guy, but he was aloof and he rarely took your feelings on board, told you frequently that you were being too sensitive, which was probably true you were, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

In these moments it was always Negan you had turned too for comfort,

He did it again, went out with his work colleges without telling me. I know it’s silly to be upset, but I can’t help it. She’s there too, it’s hard enough that he works with his ex, but he spends more time out with her than me, even if it is in a group.

I always feel like I’m right at the back of his mind.

Xx

Ping

Hey sweetheart,

No your feelings are justified, Rebecca would do things like this all the time and could never understand why I was hurt. So I completely get it, my doors open if you want to pop over.

Negan xx

You thought for a minute, pulling your bottom lip with your teeth. James wouldn’t be home for hours and sitting here alone and upset wasn’t making things any better.

Yeah ok I’ll be over in 10

Xx

Ping

Ok sweetheart, just let yourself in

Xx

Smiling at his response you throw on your shoes and jacket, grab your keys and make your way over to Negan's place.

Walking into Negan’s house was always like coming home, the familiar scent of pine, woodsmoke and tobacco fill the air. The fire in the lounge is always going during these colder months, giving the home a warm, welcoming feeling. “Negan?” You call out as you enter, “In the Kitchen sweet cheeks” he answers. Kicking off your shoes you make your way to the back of the house towards the kitchen, pausing at the doorframe to admire the sight. He’s stood over the stove, grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips, wearing his favourite Metallica t shirt. Originally the shirt was black, but after years of washing and wearing it, it’s more of a washed out dark grey now.

As he reaches up to turn the extractor fan on, causing the shirt to ride up, showing a small amount of his lower stomach. You notice his happy trail disappearing into his sweats, and can’t help the thoughts of what it would be like to run your hands down it. Gosh what are you thinking, get a hold girl, you scald yourself.

Clearing your throat you enter the room, “Hey! Watcha cooking?” You ask, “Hey darlin, I’m making spaghetti, have you eaten yet? Because I made enough for two just incase” he responds. God he’s so thoughtful you wish James was more like this, do you though? Or do you just wish James was in fact Negan.

“No I haven’t, thanks Negan” you reply, he nods at you pulling two plates out the cupboard.

Sat at the kitchen island you both enjoy your meals, laughing and reminiscing. It’s so easy, the conversation flows and you forget all about the upset you felt earlier on. “You know I saw your dad slip on ice yesterday, he did this sort of dance as he tried to steady himself. I asked if he needed a hand but he acted as if nothing happened. He must have pulled something because he’s been walking like John Wayne since” he laughs, “Oh my goodness poor dad, he never told me” you reply amusement in your voice. “He seems fine, but he was way to stubborn to ask for help” he adds. “Yeah he’s always been too stubborn for his own good” you hum.

You tell him about work and anything else that’s happened this week, listening to how his week went too, before checking the time with a sigh, “I should get back, he’ll be home soon.” He gives you a small smile, “Alright sweetheart, you know where I am yeah? If you need anything” he assures you, “Yeah thanks Negan, and thanks for cheering me up, I needed this.”

“Always” he promises.

Leaving you give him a warm hug goodbye, holding on a second longer than you probably should, before entering your car and heading home. He stands there for a minute watching you leave, sighing to himself. He hates how unhappy you are, he hates it even more that he’s not the one by your side making you happy. When you’re together everything feels right, his heart feels full, it’s where your meant to be he’s sure of it, beside him here.

_______________________________________

When you arrive home James is already back and fast asleep in your shared bed, he hadn’t waited for you. Checking your phone it was only 10:15pm, he could have waited to actually see you today.

Grabbing his dirty laundry off the bathroom floor you notice a pink lipstick stain on his shirt collar, your heart plummets, nausea hits and dizziness causes you stumble over your feet. Bringing the shirt to your face you can smell feminine perfume, but not just any perfume no, it’s her perfume, his exes scent covers the offending material.

You slump to the floor, every emotion is swirling through you as tears sting your eyes. It may be innocent she was there in the group he went out with, he was back at a reasonable time. You try to justify everything to yourself, you needed to give this time, to follow him, gather evidence and get the proof yourself before you accuse your husband of cheating.

Chucking the shirt back to where he left it to not cause suspicion, you got yourself cleaned up and ready for bed, slipping into the sheets you look over at James, soft snores leaving him as he’s blissfully unaware of your inner turmoil. Eventually you lay down and close your eyes, letting sleep take you.

_______________________________________

It’s been a week since the night you found the lipstick on your husbands shirt, and he’s spent the week being surprisingly sweet and attentive towards you. This in itself is raising suspicions to you, he’s not been this sensitive to your feelings since the very beginning of your relationship. Even so nothing since has been out of the ordinary, he’s left his phone laying around and handed it straight to you when you asked to make a call, because your phone was battery exhausted. He hasn’t left in the evenings, he’s phoned you on his way out of the office to run over any groceries he needed to grab on his way home, then arriving straight home bags in hand. So now you’re doubting anything you thought may have happened, he’s not acting like a guilty man, or one who’s having an affair, your only suspicion is how nice he’s being, and you’re starting to feel like a woman crazed.

You of course have been running it all over with Negan, explaining everything you found and what’s happening. He’d offered to beat him, which you’d laughed at but declined. You’d said you think you were just jumping to conclusions, and that you’d need actual proof before any violence was needed, he disagreed.

But all in all things were going better, the only problem was that you had this pit in your stomach, this feeling that a train wreck was starting to unfold. You couldn’t put your finger on it but something didn’t feel right. So when he messaged you later that afternoon saying he was going out with the guys, you set your plans into motion.

Hey ok,

What bar are you going too? Just so I know incase of emergencies.

Xx

Your phone buzzed on the countertop alerting you he’d responded.

We are going to the sports bar on Grange St, shouldn’t be out too late babe.

James x

You sent him back a little thumbs up, trying to act as unbothered as possible. You then called your closest girl friend Casey.

“Hey you ok?”

“Hey Case, I have a huge favour to ask you,” you plead down the phone.

“Yeah ok girl, what do you need?” You asks,

“I have a feeling James is cheating on me with his ex”

You hear an audible gasp down the phone, followed by “No! Really?”

“Yeah, I found lipstick on his shirts collar after he’s said he was out with his work colleagues. Which may be true but why was the lipstick on his shirt? Then I noticed the whole shirt smelt of her perfume” another gasp emits from your friend.

“So I was hoping that maybe you could go to the bar he said he’s at tonight, incognito style and let me know if he really is with the boys?” You ask pleadingly.

“Say no more babe, send me the bars details and the time and I’ll be there” she affirms.

“Thank you so much Case, I’ve been tearing my hair out over this” you sigh.

“It’s no trouble at all, it’s what friends are for, send me the details and I’ll call you when I have some news”

“Thank you”

Hanging up the call you smile to yourself, she’s always been a great friend. You met her your first day at school here, she showed you around that day and you’d both become best friends from then on. She was your maid of honour and you were there with her when her mum died, you’d been through a lot together and you could always rely on each other.

_______________________________________

The rest of the day went by quickly, you spent the afternoon into early evening working remotely from home, and were preparing yourself some dinner when your phone started buzzing,

“Hey Casey any news?” You ask, biting your nails in suspense.

“Well yes and no” she replies,

“What does that mean?” You ask confused,

“Well I’m here at the sports bar on Grange street, it’s past 7pm and it’s practically empty. There’s no group of guys here, and James is certainly not here” she responds.

“Oh…. That can’t be good can it?” You croak, emotions gathering a storm once more.

“They may just be late? I know you said 7, but I’ll hang around until 8pm just incase and I’ll call back ok babe?”

“Ok thanks Case” you reply.

Once off the phone you just sit there with it clutched to your chest, staring off into space while you try to make sense of the situation.

Sometime later your phone began to buzz again, you halted your pacing around the kitchen and answered Casey’s call,

“Hey Casey, I’m afraid to ask, but any news?” You ask.

“No I'm afraid not hun, it’s now 8:15 and there’s no sign of any of the guys, I’m going to check other bars in the area and see if there was just a change in plans” she offers,

“Ok thanks Case”

“It’s not a problem babe, I’ll keep you on the phone as I walk about checking bars,”

“Ok thank you, so how’s your dad?” You ask,

“Yeah he’s doing good, he actually has a date tomorrow which is great, you know it’s been 7 years next week. I think it’s time for him to live again, he’s 56 now and I don’t want him to spend the rest of his life lonely” she explains.

“Yeah I agree, bless him it’s been a while hasn’t it. He’s a lovely guy though so I’m sure his date will go great” you reply.

“Hmmm,” she agrees, “Talking about older guys, how’s Negan?” You can hear the teasing tone in her voice and it catches you off guard,

“Ooh umm” you stammer, “Yeah he’s good, well he was when I spoke to him yesterday, he and my dad are going fishing next weekend so he seems excited about that, although they will probably just sit there and drink beer, chatting and completely forget about the fishing part” you laugh.

“Yeah I bet, he still as dreamy as ever?” She jests.

“Stop it!” You laugh,

“Well this is the third bar I’ve checked and no sign of him sweets, I don’t know what to tell you?” She sighs.

“Ok Case, well thanks for looking for me, I know you must have had plans you cancelled for me” you respond.

“Nah just a date with Ben and Jerry, and possibly some Netflix, it’s all good babe”

She’s such a great friend you think, “I’m gunna walk back to my car now, sorry it wasn’t an easy fix hun.”

“No it’s ok, thanks for trying,” you assure her,

Then you hear a low gasp through the phone “What Case what’s happening?”

“ I see him….” She trails off, “So he is out with the boys, that’s such a relief thanks hunni so much….” But she cuts you off with a “No I see him with her” and your whole vision spins, “What??” You reply meekly.

“I’m so sorry babe, he’s sat in the Italian restaurant Lorenzo’s with her, it’s just the two of them and he’s holding her hand.. I’m so sorry babe, I’ll take a photo to show you”

Your silent on the other end, trying to comprehend what’s happening,

Ping

The image pops up and that is indeed James, sat holding her hand having dinner in the fancy Italian restaurant.

“I’m so sorry, did you want me to pop over I can be right there?” She offers.

“No” you choke, “ I think I just need some time alone to come to terms with this” you reply,

“Ok babe I completely understand, you know where I am if you need me yeah?”

“Yeah thanks” you hum, ending the call.

In your spiral of turmoil you do the only thing you know to do, you send Negan a text saying you need to see him, and you hurry out the door.

_______________________________________

As soon as you pull onto his drive he’s out of the house greeting you, panic written on his face, “What’s wrong sweetheart”, shaking your head you throw yourself into his arms, burying your face into his chest as you let the tears freely fall. “Hey it’s ok baby girl it’s ok, I’ve got ya” he coos as he strokes your hair and holds you close.

Sometime later after your breaths slow and you calm down he pulls you inside and onto his couch, “You going to tell me what’s going on baby girl? He asks, still concerned at your current state. You silently pull your phone out, bringing up the image and handing the phone over to Negan, “Casey took this tonight” you explain.

Negan takes in the image, bringing his hand to his mouth in shock, before running his fingers through his beard. “Shit!” He states, “Yeah shit indeed” you deadpan. “I’m so sorry sweetheart, you deserve so much better than this” you look down to your lap, fiddling with a loose thread on your jeans. “Hey look at me sweetheart” he encourages, his fingers carefully pulling your chin up so his eyes can meet yours, “You deserve so much better than this” he affirms once more. “Hell darlin you deserve the world, you’re the most incredible woman I know, and he’s an idiot if he doesn’t see it”.

Staring into his eyes you notice how close your face is to his, you could just lean in and press your lips to his, just mere inches. But he clears his throat pulling you in for another hug, “Can I stay here tonight? I don’t want to go home and I’m not ready for mum and dad to know yet” you ask.

“Of course darlin, you’re always welcome here, you know that” he assures you.

“How about I get you some comfy clothes to sleep in, and we can put a movie on?” He offers.

“Yeah that sounds good thanks Negan”

Taking a deep breath you follow him up the stairs and into his room, you take it in, from the books on his bedside table, to his neat sides, dark cotton bedsheets and pine scent, it’s just so Negan. You smile to yourself as you run your fingers over the books splayed out, Negan returns with some sweatpants and baggy t shirt, stopping at the entrance for a moment he admires the way you explore his room, a fond smile plays on his lips.

“Here these should do” he says handing you the clothes.

“Thank you”

“Of course darlin, I’ll leave you to get changed” and with that he closes the door and wonders off down the landing. You hastily change into the comfy clothes, enjoying the softness against your skin. They smelled of him and the feeling comforted you. Looking around his room once more, you catch something in the corner of your eye on the opposite night stand, rounding the bed your breath catches in your throat as realise it’s a framed photo of you and Negan together, taken at one of your dads BBQs a few years back.

You pick the photo up tracing the frame gently, when did he get this? Has it been here since the BBQ? Why does he have a photo of only you two next to his bed? So lost in thought you didn’t notice him walk back in, “I’m guessing I owe you an explanation for that huh?” He sighs. Jumping, startled by his sudden voice you gather your thoughts turning to face him, your breath hitches when you find him right in front of you, watching your face, trying to gage your reaction. “Why?” You stutter out, “Why do you have a photo of us beside your bed?” You ask.

“Well I think that’s obvious sweetheart” he states.

“Obvious how? I don’t understand” you reply, he steps closer and carefully moves a strand of hair out of your face, “I have it because I love you, I’m in love with you baby girl, and I know this is the most shittiest time to tell you this, but I’ve held it in for the best part of a decade and I can’t any more, you don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect anything from you, I just needed to tell you” he explains, water filling his eyes as he gives you a half smile.

You don’t respond not with words anyway you fumble to place the frame back onto the table, before wrapping your arms around Negan’s neck and crashing your lips against his. He freezes in shock initially but quickly regains composure and kisses you back, arms wrapping around your waist as he pulls you in closer deepening the kiss.

Your tongue swipes at his bottom lip seeking entrance, which he grants caressing your tongue with his, as the kiss becomes more needy and desperate Negan hoists you up, grabbing under your thighs and laying you down on his bed, lips never leaving yours he moves to hover over you. Threading his fingers with yours as he continues his attack down your neck to your collarbone. Wrapping your legs around his waist you pull him flush against you, raising your hips into him you grind your pelvis against his.

He pauses for a second looking down at you with such love and emotion “Are you sure sweetheart?” He asks eyes tracing you face searching for any uncertainty on your features, “Yeah I’m sure, I’ve never been so sure, I’ve loved you since I was 18” you admit. That’s all the confirmation he needs as his mouth finds yours once more. You pull at the bottom of his shirt, trying to tug it over his head, he lets out a laugh before standing up and removing it, “You only had to ask baby girl” he grins.

“Well then…” you reply, hooking your feet in his pants you give a gentle tug with your toes, “I’ll have these off too please”, “Oh will you now” he teases, grinning down at you as he unbuttons them and shrugs them off, he finds the end of your sweatpants pulling them off in one swift movement, causing an unexpected gasp from you. Throwing them to the side he joins you again on the bed, “Tell me what you want baby” he asks against your throat, while peppering your skin in sweet open mouthed kisses.

“You, I want you.” You moan, “You have me sweetheart, you’ll have to be more specific” you groan at his teasing “Negan please I need you”, “Need me where darlin?” He urged, grabbing his hand you pull it down your stomach to your panties, “Here, I need you here” you whimper. Seemingly done with the teasing he pulls your underwear to the side, running his fingers through your slick and bringing it up to your clit, causing you to let out a loud moan. “Fuck baby girl you’re soaked, this all for me?”, “Yeah, all for you, always for you”, it’s been seconds and you’re already a mess, whimpering and writhing under him.

Removing his hand he uses both to grab the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head, chucking it with the growing pile of clothing. Immediately his mouth finds your breasts, mouthing, sucking and licking them, your nipples becoming hard under his touch. “Fuck! Please Negan I need you” you buck your hips into him, arching your back desperate for some kind of relief. He gives you a smirk, mischief in his eyes as he starts kissing downwards across your stomach, all the way to your pelvic bone. He laces his fingers through the material, pulling your panties down, mouthing your skin lower and lower as he does. Feeling his hot breath over your core you whine, “Negan please” you beg desperate for him to do something, without warning he dives his face into your pussy, eating you out like a man starved.

“Fuck!!” You scream, “Feeling good yeah baby? I’ve waited so long to have you like this beneath me, to feel your body against mine, you’re like a dream come true baby” he growls against your core, spreading your folds he inserts two fingers into your wet heat, curving them upwards to hit that spongy spot that sends you reeling.

“I’m gonna come!” You scream as you release all over his face and fingers, as he rides out your high. Giving your clit one last slow lick you hiss, grabbing to pull him away from your sensitive pussy, smirking he crawls back up the bed kissing you deeply, your sweet taste on his lips makes you moan into his mouth, and you fumble to pull down his underwear.

“You still sure sweet girl? We can stop here if you’re not.” He worries, “Negan I swear to god if you don’t fuck me right now I’ll” he silences you with another deep kiss before removing his boxers. His cock springs out slapping his stomach and you can’t help but gape at it with wide eyes, he’s big, really big. James was not this big and you begin to wonder if he’s gonna fit. As if reading your reaction “Don’t worry baby girl we will make it fit” he assures you, “This pussy” he continues as he starts rubbing your lower lips teasingly “Was made for me” he punctuates as he guides his cock forwards, sinking into your tight hole, “FUCK!!” You moan, back arching as you feel him split you open.

“That’s it baby girl, you’re taking me so well” he coos, as he sinks all the way in, hips flush with yours. “You ok sweetheart?” He asks as he gently brushes a sweaty lock of hair from your face, you nod hard not trusting your voice, “I need words darlin” he instructs, “Yes! Shit yes I’m good, please move” you whine. Lacing his fingers with yours he gives an experimental role of his hips, causing you to let out a low moan. Confident he wouldn’t hurt you now he began to pick up the pace, setting a strong rhythm, before bringing his lips to yours once more. Your fingers squeeze his as your pussy clamps down on him, signalling your close, your previous orgasm leaving your incredibly sensitive. Negan groans against your mouth before pulling away to watch you come undone, he brings your combined hands down to your little bundle of nerves as he encourages you to play with your yourself.

“So close baby, I need you to cum, can you do that for me sweet girl?”, you nod frantically throwing your head back as you choke his cock, letting out the most pornagraphic moan as white hot pleasure erupts through you. Negan’s thrusts become sloppy and rough as he chases his own high, before he stills realising inside your tight walls with a loud growl, the feeling of his cock pulsing causes you to moan again, wrapping your legs tightly around his hips pulling him flush against you.

You both lay there for what feels like hours, basking in the afterglow and catching your breaths. You break the long silence first “That was….. wow” you giggle. He huffs out a deep laugh, “Yeah, it was”, nose nuzzling into your neck. “Let’s clean you up and get some sleep yeah?” He offers, “Yeah ok” you agree.

Falling asleep that night in Negan’s arms you felt more loved and cared for than you have in years.

_______________________________________

Waking up to soft kisses on your exposed shoulders was a welcomed change, you mumble ‘Morning’ as you stretch out in strong arms. “Mornin’ darlin’” Negan responds, pulling you against him a little tighter. “Mmm I could just stay like this all day” you sigh, “We can if ya want baby, I’ve got no place to be” he agrees.

So you do, you spend the whole morning in bed together, tracing shapes on each others skin, talking about anything and everything and making love. Eventually your stomachs growl and you decide to get up in search of food, not before another heated session in the shower though.

As early afternoon hits your dad inevitably sees your car in Negan’s driveway and heads over to find out what’s going on. Hearing a knock on the door Negan leaves the comfort of your embrace on the coach and moves to answer it. “Oh hey Keith, you ok?” He says greeting your dad, “ I just noticed my daughter’s cars been here a while now, so I came over to see what’s going on” your dad explains, his voice questioning. “Ah yeah, well your gonna need to ask her about that” Negan replies motioning your dad to come in. Upon hearing your dads voice you quickly check you look presentable, and gather the courage to explain what’s happened.

“Hey baby, I noticed your car over here and came to see what’s going on?” Your dad comments as he comes to sit with you, “Hey dad, yeah Negan offered me his spare room last night, because I couldn’t face being at home, and I wasn’t ready to tell you and mum. But Casey caught James out with his ex last night, holding hands at a fancy restaurant, I know I should have told you but I was so upset and I couldn’t handle it last night” you ramble on, tears springing to your eyes once more.

You dad pulls you in for a hug “Oh sweetie I’m so sorry, shhhh” he coos holding you tight. “It’s going to be ok, you can come home for now, we haven’t touched your old room, just come home and we will help you take care of everything else” he encourages. “Yeah ok dad I’ll do that, I just need to grab some things” you explain. “Are you sure you don’t want us to do that? We don’t mind?” Your dad asks, “No I need to confront him and tell him it’s over, I need to do that for myself”, “Ok honey, well with your permission I’ll go and fill your mother in, and we will sort out your room for you” your dad says. “Yeah that’s fine, thanks dad” he nods at you “Thanks Negan for taking her in at such short notice, I really appreciate it man” your dad offers.

“It’s no problem, she’s always welcome here. She knows that” Negan replies with a shrug, trying to act nonchalant, when inside he’s terrified of giving something away, guilt ridden he’s keeping this from his best friend.

As Negan sees your dad out you check your phone, which has been left all night downstairs on the coffee table.

10 messages

33 missed calls

All but one are from James, which is a missed call from Casey, probably checking in on you, you made a mental note to call her in a bit.

Opening your stream with James you look at the messages.

Hey babe where are you? Xx

It’s getting really late now babe? Where have you got too? Xx

It’s now 1am, your still not home is everything ok? Xx

Fuck it’s like 3am now babe can you let me know where you are? Xx

Look just let me know your ok? Just message me back please x

I feel asleep it’s now 6am and your still not home, I’m going to go check Casey’s see if your there x

Hey I just spoke to Casey she showed me the photo, look it’s not what it looks like please let me know where you are, so we can talk about this xx

It’s now past lunch please babe I’m begging you talk to me, I know it looks really bad but just let me explain. Xx

I’ve tried calling all night and day, I’m really worried, I’m going to go to your parents house see if your there xx

Shit!!! He will see your car is next door, he will come barging over here! Shit shit shit!! You jump up in panic, when Negan comes back into the room he takes notice of your panicked state, “What’s up baby girl” he asks concerned. You hand him your phone so he can see the stream of messages, “He’s going to come here, he will see my car and he will come here and….”, “Woah, calm down sweetheart, if he comes here I can tell him to piss off, we can deal with it” he reassures you.

Just as you start to calm yourself down there’s a frantic knock on the door, you look at Negan with wide eyes. “It’s ok I’ve got it” he says before leaving the room once more. You can hear raised voices, it’s definitely James. You sigh rubbing your temples, you need to confront him, you need to have this conversation. So you take a deep breath, pull up your big girl pants and head for the front door.

“It ok Negan I can take it from here” you offer, “You sure sweetheart, you don’t have too” James scrunches his face at Negan’s pet name, “Yeah I’m sure” you nod, “Ok well I’ll be right inside if you need me, and I’m leaving the door open” he argues, taking one last look as he leaves to go inside.

“Hey” you start,

“Hey, please let me explain” he pleads.

You motion for him to go on, “Ok so I shouldn’t have lied to you, but I knew you wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want you mad at me. But Hannah’s been having a really hard time, her mum is really sick, she’s been in hospital for months now. She wanted to meet up to talk about it, and I was close to her mum once too, I just wanted to be there for her” he explains.

“Really?” You deadpan, “I don’t believe you, you were holding her hand for Christ sakes.” You shout.

“I was comforting her! That’s all!” He defends.

“I found your shirt James! It smelt of her and it has a pink lipstick mark on the collar, so explain that” you demand.

“Yeah she did cuddle into me that night but nothing happened I swear to you, she was having such a tough time I didn’t want to push her off. I can see now it wasn’t the right thing to do, but I still care about her in some way, and she’s in pain” he pleads to you.

“I promise you I didn’t cheat on you, we were in a group that night you can ask anyone.” He adds.

“James allowing her to cuddle into you, holding her hand, lying to me about being with her! That is still cheating, you may not have slept with her, but that’s still emotional cheating.” You argue.

“Yeah ok I can see that, but I didn’t mean it like that I really didn’t, I think your overreacting a bit” he quips.

“What! Overeact….. Jesus James you never see it from my side! Never consider my feelings, I’m always either overreacting or I’m too sensitive, but what you did was emotional cheating!” You snap.

“Oh yeah? Ok then so what would you call what you’ve been doing for years with Negan huh! Every time we argue you call him, every time something happens in your life you call him! When you have a bad day you call to tell him, when something great happens you tell him! Never me! You never talk to me! It’s always him! How do you think that’s made me feel! This has been going on since we met! Then last night when this happens who do you run too? Hmmm? Negan once again!” He rants.

You stand there in shock mouth open, because he’s right, everything he just said is true. He may have emotionally cheated on you in recent months, but you’ve been doing it too for years. Realisation must have hit your features because he looks at you then carries on.

“I mean for Christ sake y/n he’s your dads best friend, he’s old enough to be your dad. Yet you’re clearly in love with him, huh aren’t you?” He asks in frustration.

“Yes” you whisper, “Yeah I love him, I always have” you admit.

“Then why did you marry me!” James shouts.

“I didn’t ever think I could have him, I didn’t think it was in the cards, and then I met you and I fell for you too, I do love you too, I promise I do! Just ………. Not as much as I love him, I’m so sorry” you admit, tears now flowing down your cheeks.

He just nods sadly, “You said didn’t think it was in the cards, not don’t think, has something changed?” He asks.

“Yeah” you admit.

“Since when?”

“Since last night” you confirm.

“Christ I guess I brought that on myself huh?” He asks.

“Did you sleep with him?”

There was no point lying now, everything was out in the open. “Yes” you whisper, but he caught it and now he was crying too.

“I get it” he says with a defeated laugh, “You thought I was having an affair, he comforted you then offered you the one thing you’ve wanted most since you were a teen huh, it’s over isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I think it’s been over for some time James, and I think you’re still in love with Hannah and deep down I think you know it” you concluded, meeting his gaze.

“Yeah I guess your right, maybe I do still love her, So can we do this amicably? The Divorce I mean, we can do everything 50/50?” He asks.

“Yeah I think we can” you admit, nodding to him with a kind smile, he pulls you in for a warm hug. “Friends then?” He offers, “Yeah in time I’m sure we will be” you agree. “Good, well I really do wish you all the best y/n” he smiles, “Yeah you too James, I hope you find happiness” you reply. He nods as he begins walking to his car “Bye James”, “Bye Y/N”.

It was a strange feeling watching him walk away, he was your college sweetheart, your first real relationship, it was the end of an era in some sort of way. But you didn’t feel sad, you felt free, as if this large weight had been moved from off your shoulders, like you’d been frantically treading water for years, and now your feet have finally hit land.

Warm arms curl around your waist, soft kiss hitting your temple. “You chose me” Negan chokes, voice filled with emotion. “Yeah” you agree, turning in his arms your eyes meeting his beautiful hazel orbs. “It’s always been you” you promise, before pulling him down into a sweet kiss.

_______________________________________

[mamirhodessxox]

His Strange Addiction

(Bonus Chapter)

Cody Rhodes x Fem OC!Reader (Milena Reyz)

Desc: It’s been an official year since Milena & Cody got married & had a child & now 2024 has hit, Cody is doing many promos for wrestle mania but it ends up with Milena coming to his defense when The Rock takes things to far.

Contents: Violence, mentions of blood, Trash talking, arguing, comedic relief sort of, fluff, angst????

🏷️ list: @alyyaanna @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @agent-dessis-posts @adollonyourshelf @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41 @harmshake @femdisa @kabloswrld @claymoresofinfamy23 @jeysbvck

{~I'm very serious with you guys interacting with my writing!!!! it would make me so happy & excited, the more comments & reposts the more inspiration i have to write :) likes and comments are strongly appreciated so please COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMEENNTTT the more comments the more content <3!!!~}

“Cody you shouldn’t be challenging someone like Dwayne.” Milena spoke as the married couple paced around the bedroom packing before going into Chicago for Monday night raw, “Sweetheart it’s fine I-“ “You trained for this type of stuff yes but Dwayne is 10x bigger than you, he’s already pissed you off by bringing family into this and you know if he actually hurts you in some sort of way I’ll run my mouth and challenge him myself.” Cody chuckled to himself while he watched their daughter Ivey roll onto her tummy while petting Pharaohs head “That’s not necessary love.” “If he pisses me off can I act out?” Cody sighed looking at her “1 time.” She giggled smiling before kissing his cheek & going off downstairs.

“Your moms a reallll fire cracker.” He grinned as Ivey just smiled & cooed at him. Cody picked her up carefully and let out a joking huff before she giggled and tugged on his hair “alright gentle there, you’ll make daddy bald.” He tickled her cheek before going on with the day taking care of his adult chores alongside Milena.

Weeks passed since that day and it was finally Monday Night Raw 03/25/24. Milena sat in the bus with their daughter & her mother Jasmine. They all watched the event from the tv attached to the bus but just as Cody was in the middle of his promo Dwayne had stolen the moment & having a staring contest with Cody before whispering something to him. Milena raised a brow & rolled her eyes as she continued watching the TV until it was time to tuck in Ivey for bed while Milena suddenly started turning back to the TV noticing a backstage segment of her son in law getting into a scuffle before Dwayne once again appeared but full blown attacking Cody

“Look at you now Huh?! You thought the rock was gonna let you talk trash for the last two weeks!? HUH?” Jasmine held a hand over her mouth “Oh my god?!” Jasmine gasped making Milena walk out on time and see her husband being tossed around on television “You’re kidding me..” Milena held Ivey close & tried covering her daughter’s eyes but she was to squirmy while Milena saw Dwayne stand outside of their exact bus yelling about chicago and tossed cody around

Dwayne kicked her husband around in the rock “You wanna be a hero? How about this! You son of a bitch the rocks got your hero.” And quickly heard a loud thud against the vehicle “and mama rhodes. Look at your son the rock has a special gift for you.” He smeared Cody’s blood around a belt with his mothers name against the leather & kept taunting Cody on camera. Milena was finally fed up & instructed her mom to stay in the bus handing Ivey over to her grandmother while Milena went to Cody’s aid.

“Milena absolutely no-“ Jasmine watched as her daughter picked up an extension cord “Milena that could kill him!!” Milena glared “I’m not gonna kill him mom I’m just gonna make him back off!” Milena spole as she kicked open the door causing Dwayne to perk up a bit “You need a woman to defend you? Huh?” He mumbled towards Cody for a moment while backing up a little bit while Milena approached him clearly furious “Who in the absolute FUCK do you think you are?! You keep his goddamn family out of his mouth goddamnit & your not about to smash my husband against a goddamn bus where his DAUGHTER is inside of it!” She shouted while Dwayne held out his hands grinning.

“Sweetheart you’re to pretty to be dealing with this alright? Leave it to the men.” Milena tilted sn eyebrow while noticing a cameraman still rolling. “You wanna embarrass my fucking man on camera and talk to me like that? You must not know who the hell I am. So let me show you.” Just as Dwayne was going to speak she punched him square in the jaw and kicked him in the crotch before shoving herself behind him and untied the extension cord from her wrist before yanking it against his throat and wrapping the parts she was holding against her knuckles while mocking him with his own words “Look at you now! Look at you rock! You’re getting your ass beat by a woman, Cody Rhodes wife at that. Embarrassed aren’t you?”

Cody groaned against the bus and didn’t bother stopping Milena, She finally tugged the cord away from Dwayne & eventually kicked the man on the ground & dug her boot against his head “We’ll see you Friday Dwayne.” She kicked him in the face before snatching the camera away from the cameraman and held it over Dwayne’s bloody face while he coughed “This is your guys’ Final boss? Cody was right about him being a whiney little bitch, look at him, all bark and got his ass beat by a woman. How embarrassing.” She shoved the camera back to the man before snickering and walked back towards Cody & Helping him up and frowning at the sight “Jesus Cody…” he shook his head holding the side of his chest while she took him inside of the bus & her mother help clean off any blood.

“Your gonna beat his ass at mania am I understood?” Cody chuckled in amusement while his wife pressed a bandaid against his cuts & scrapes while he nodded weakly “sweetheart..” “I don’t care what we need to do but whether you like it or not you’re going to beat his ass.” He smiled tiredly and held Milena’s face “Copy that.” Milena’s mother sighed & gave him water after coming back from tucking Ivey into bed “You have to prove him wrong now Cody.” She spoke before Cody nodded & eventually called it a night.

Friday Night rolled around and everyone took notice to many things within the Rhodes family. Milena tweeted something about how Dwayne should get better security while Dustin insulted the man. Cody has been absolutely silent on social media, Milena had been planning a slight comeback since the last time fans saw her within WWE was before she was pregnant with Ivey and she was planning something VERY special for smackdown. Tonight Dwayne was doing a promo & stood in the ring “Cody’s entire family are a bunch of sorry ass clown emoji’s including his loud tacky wife & goofy ass dog. I’m sure you all saw raw right?? I beat that boys ass and he actually needed a woman to fight for hi-“ “And what about it Rock?” Cody’s voice soured through the arena as he walked towards the ring “You know what’s embarrassing? How you need to catch people in vulnerable moments when they aren’t paying attention so you can catch them off guard just to win a game nobody is playing.”

Dwayne glared & looked at the audience as he noticed Milena following her husband into the ring before spinning in a circle showing offer her business meeting like dress & black pumps while smiling brightly as her husband wrapped his arm around her waist while she snatched the mic away from Dwayne “You saying all of thiisss is tacky? Let me tell you what’s tacky. Your cousin Nia barely getting any sort of physical touch so she feels the need to shake her rank, vile, smelly ass In people’s faces THAT’S tacky & unclassy, but what’s REALLY tacky i-“

“Mrs Rhodes with alll the respect Why don’t you go sit somewhere and look pr-“ “First of all you address me as Ms. Reyz, Second of all you don’t talk over me, how about you stand right here shut the fuck up and let me speak. And as I was saying Dwayne, What’s really Tacky is how your forgotten about so you feel the urge to budge yourself into a wrestle mania event that isn’t even about you, your doing this whole thing so you can seem important when really You’re not. Your boring. Washed up & only good for corny ads & movies. Whats really tacky is how you want to seem soooo relevant within WWE that you’re willing to let Roman Reigns act like he’s the tribal chief when it should’ve been You. Your getting bitched out by some other irrelevant wannabe just so you could be relevant. And what’s tacky is you have the absolute nerve to go in live television embarrass my man & taunt his mother well let me tell you something Dwayne. Everything about you is Tacky, and the next time you talk about Cody’s family I’ll ruin your fucking life & make sure your role within TKO vanishes into thin air. Let me catch you beating on my fucking husband outside of a bus with my goddamn daughter in it. See what happens.”

She tossed the microphone at him & let Cody take over by Rock got in his face making Cody & Milena taunt him before pulling away as she started speaking again but off mic and slightly loud enough for the camera to pickup “What’s also tacky is how you talk so much on having Big Dwayne energy but you literally have an LDS struggle, you’re barely 5 inches yet have the audacity to walk up in here running your mouth like you have a big dick.” She snickered before fake frowning the more he glared while Cody spoke up “Trust me on this Dwayne. I’ll going to beat the living shit out of you & Roman all together.” He slammed the mic into the ground before leaving the ring before walking off to the backstage area,

Milena saw Jey & Seth laugh over something making her walk over towards them while Cody went to the dressing room to check up on Milena’s mom & Ivey “Where the fuck were you two when Cody needed help huh?!” Jey froze for a minute “woah wai-“ “You know how many times Cody has jumped the gun to save your asses from problems you’ve started but lack to solve every single time?” Jey awkwardly scratched his neck “Now I understand Seth because he has to be here for Becky & he has to watch out for Roux and I get that, Hell Cody just went to go check on Ivey, but you Jey?! I thought you always had his back.

“Okay woa- Mel I do have his back! I mean c’mon sis I’ll always defend him no matter what girl!.” She glared in his eyes shaking her head “So where were you on Monday when that entire ordeal was filmed on live television throughout the Arena? I know you saw it and you were here for raw so what the fuck?” Jey stood in silence while guilt wavered over his face “Goodnight Jey.” Milena spoke before walking bak to Cody’s dressing room & putting on a smile when she saw him tickling Ivey while she held his tie “look at you wrapping your dada up around your finger.” She cooed while kissing her daughter’s cheek “Where’d you go off to?” She shrugged “Just talking to jey.” Cody nodded with a smile before giving her a kiss until she pulled away humming.

“You’re gonna go out there at wrestle-mania, kick some fucking ass and win. I don’t care if you’re shady with it. But you’re going to win no matter what.”

xtripleiiix’s Masterlist

[billthedrake]

MY SON THE PORN STAR (PART FIVE)

I tried not to go wild. I still was married and still had my normal corporate guy life in Kansas City.

But doing porn turned out to be addictive. It was the combination of a deep exhibitionist streak I was discovering in myself and the access to incredibly hot men willing to suck me or get fucked by my big tool. It made me feel like a total stud... less middle-aged, I guess.

And work trips were the perfect cover. I really was doing the road warrior thing for my company, so I wasn't lying to Kate THAT much. But I did sometimes add a night to my travels.

Like the week after Easter. I had a business trip to Denver, but I added an extra evening and squeezed in a quick connector flight to San Francisco on my dime with miles. Muscle Pup Mike, my son's friend and escort/pornstar buddy, set me up with a versatile OnlyFans star there. I shot two scenes with him, actually, one oral, one with me masked as we had a nice, long 50-minute fuck scene. I didn't feel a deep chemistry with Kevin, aka "Jeff Reed," but I felt a deep chemistry with the two cameras that were on us. Besides, sex with a muscular 28-year-old hunk was hard to beat.

Turns out, the next night would beat it. I flew to Denver bright and early in the morning and had my sales meeting all day. I was rolling my business-style carry on into my hotel room right around dinner. I undid my tie and sat down to unlace my shoes before calling Kate to check in.

Yeah, I felt pretty bad knowing I was stepping out behind her back. I'd deal with that guilt later. Either stopping porn cold turkey or making a break or separation with my wife. At this point I wasn't ready to do either.

I wasn't a frequent poster, but managed a video every 2-3 weeks. And I had a growing following of fans willing to pay a modest subscription for just that. Sure, I got some comments complaining that I never took my mask off, but apparently I had the body and blond-furred looks a lot of guys went for. And my cock size helped - a lot. I was careful about not talking on camera, or I just edited those parts out, but I'd learned to be verbal with my grunts, to show appreciation for my sucker/bottom and to let viewers get that thrill. It worked.

I sat, alone in that quiet hotel room, thinking just how wild my double life had become, and I fiddled with my phone again. Chicago was an hour ahead and now would probably be a good time to call. I pulled up Travis's contact and FaceTimed him.

"Hey Dad," my son greeted.

"Hey," I said, leaning back and feeling my boner ride up in the crotch of my trousers. "I didn't catch you at a bad time, I hope?"

"Nah," he said. "Just getting back from the gym." Indeed, he had a workout zip-up on and I could see the familiar kitchen from his condo in the back.

"All sweaty?" I teased.

That got a laugh out of my son. He was surprised how horny I was sometimes, how much I'd leaned into this weird affair we had going on. "Something like that. How'd your shoot go?"

"Real well," I replied. "Kevin is a real professional. Made it easy."

"Just a professional?" Travis asked, with a teasing smile on his cute face.

"Just fucking," I said. "Not a ton of chemistry, I'm afraid, but I think I got some good footage for the next two vids." I'd always sent Travis the digital files via encryption, and he did the editing magic on the material. As amazing as my son was at being on-screen talent, he also had a knack for making great porn behind the camera.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Dad," he said. "But I think you're a natural adult performer."

I smiled. "Is that what the kids call it?" I joked.

That made my son laugh. I loved seeing and hearing his laugh. "OK... you're a natural porn star, Dad.... You know, it's really hot to say that. I get so hard watching you perform, you know."

My throat got dry. Travis knew how to work me up. "Jesus, Trav. You have no idea how much I've watched your videos."

That made my son laugh again, those dimples forming. "I have a pretty good idea, Dad. You've told me before."

"I lied," I teased. "I figured if I told you the real number, you'd get freaked out."

"Turned on is more like it, Dad," Travis said. "Why don't you show me how much you like em. You hard now?"

"Rock hard," I said. I turned the phone down to show off the rod forming a ridge in my trousers.

"Fuck," Travis hissed. "My dad has a real porn star dick. I have a shoot in a couple of hours. I'll definitely be thinking of your cock."

"Who's it with?" I asked. This was the wild phase Trav and I were at now. Father and son, lovers, flirts, and professional colleagues in the adult entertainment business.

"Bud and Spike," he said. I recognized the screen names of two muscle daddies from Dallas, into the more hardcore stuff.

I made a wince of an expression. "Go easy with those guys, buddy," I said. "For real." I felt strangely protective of my son. Which was weird, because in general he was the one looking out for me as I began doing porn more regularly.

Travis smiled. "I will, Dad. Promise. We're planning a more vanilla scene than they normally do." He gave me a wink. "Listen, I gotta go get ready, actually."

"All right, buddy," I said. I wished we had time for some phone sex because just talking to Travis was turning me on big time. "I can't wait to see your scene. And I'll be in Chicago in a couple of weeks. We'll catch up then, OK?"

"You bet, Dad," he said. "Love ya."

"Love ya, too, Big Guy."

We hung up.

I let out a hiss of air. I was horny now. Turns out "Jeff Reed" hadn't drained me. I did have a back up idea. There was some University of Colorado kid who'd been emailing me on the anon account Travis set up for me and linked to my OnlyFans. Call me a narcissist, but I'd been eating up the fan mail, and something about this college dude Bryan won me over. Maybe it was the pics he sent. Cute as fuck, brown haired, boy-next-door looks. And the nude pics that showed a surprisingly built body for a college kid - either a jock or someone who hit the college gym regularly. Smooth body with just a dusting of a treasure trail, creamy white skin, washboard abs, hard cock, amazing bubble ass.

Or maybe it was the request that I hit him up if I was ever in the Denver area.

So far I'd only done pro-amateur porn stars in the OF circuit my son and MusclePup Mike worked in. Some of it was the self-justification that it wasn't fully emotional cheating, just porn I was doing. Some of it was caution. All the arrangements went through Mike and because of my mask, no one knew my identity.

But I was horny now and sent this Bryan kid a message. I didn't expect a reply, but it was worth a shot. I set down my phone and undressed to take a quick shower. It was only 6:30, but it had been a long day.

There was a message waiting for me. "God yes, man," Bryan wrote. "I could be there in about an hour and a half," he wrote. Then almost nervously, there was a follow up. "God, I must seem overly eager. But fuck you're so hot. Let me know what works for you."

"How bout 8:30?" I typed back and gave my hotel name and room number. I wanted to get some food in me.

"Awesome. Yeah. See you soon," came the almost immediate reply.

I had only business casual clothes packed, so I got dressed to grab a bite at a restaurant near my hotel. I got back to my room with about ten minutes to spare. I brushed my teeth and checked my appearance in the mirror. I wasn't crazy about getting older, I had to admit, but I could see the "DILF" look that Travis and Mike were always raving about. Well-preserved was the expression, I suppose.

I was actually a little nervous when I heard the knock. I had no business fooling around with a guy like this. Not making a porn vid but actually having a cheating hook up. The messed up thing is that most guys would consider the videos a worse infraction, but this felt naughtier in a way.

Bryan looked great. Better than great. He was cuter than his pictures, and I think his nerves made him more attractive to me. He forced a smile but was shaking.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I smiled. "Come in, bud."

He was shorter than me, and his size made his collegiate muscle look more compact on his build. Maybe not collegiate wrestler exactly, but definitely that wrestler body type. A little thick, even. MusclePup Mike would have called him a twunk.

"I didn't know what you'd look like," Bryan said softly. His gray eyes were taking me in.

I remembered now he'd never seen me outside of my videos, all masked up. "You came over anyway," I observed.

"Oh yeah," he enthused. "You're my favorite porn star, hands down." He blushed but didn't stop gushing. "You probably know this... I guess most guys don't pay to watch your videos, but I subscribed to your site so I could email you."

"For real?" I laughed.

"Yeah," Bryan replied, that nervous smile growing bigger. "You're not on Twitter or Insta," he explained. His eyes swept up and down my frame. "God, you're even hotter in person. I knew you'd be hot, but... wow."

I was eating up his flattery. "You're not so bad yourself, buddy... bring it in..." I held up my arms to gesture him to come in for a kiss. He did. He was nervous and that turned me on for some reason. But once we started making out, Bryan got real into it, meeting my tongue with his, before practically sucking me into his mouth.

His hands were feeling it up, tentatively at first, then all over. He chuckled as he pulled back so he could feel me up better. I stood there and let his hands roam over my button-down shirt and the gym-toned muscle underneath. At that moment I was VERY glad for the personal trainer Travis set me up with.

"I hope you don't mind my saying," Bryan said, "But it's so wild to be with a porn star."

"Don't mind at all, buddy," I hissed. I was now experiencing the other thrill of doing porn. I knew I was into the exhibitionism of it all, but now I was feeling the hero worshop, the adoration of a young guy like this. I was rock hard.

He gulped as I reached down to undo my khakis, unzipping them and reaching in to haul out my dong. "I guess you really like my cock, then, huh?" I growled.

This wasn't me. At least it wasn't Brad Connors. Married father of three. Road warrior corporate guy. But being MaskedDaddy gave me the sexual confidence and freedom to be someone else.

"Fuck yeah," Bryan gasped as he saw my prick. "That cock's so fucking big..." His eyes were wide, taking in my size before he looked up at me. "OK, if I touch it?"

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't, buddy," I said. "That's why you came over isn't it?"

He nodded, like a chastised kid. Then tentatively he stepped in again and reached forward, like he was afraid of being branded by a hot poker. But once his fingers made contact, the hesitation was gone. The college dude circled his fingers and round me, griping my hardon and gently stroking a couple inches of it to get a feel of the girth and heft. "You don't know how much I've jerked off to your videos," he said. "I wasn't gonna admit to that you, but fuck...." His voice was heavy in his ragged breathing but still had that frat-bro collegiate kind of tone.

"I think we talked about you sucking that dick," I grunted. In our texts, Bryan had offered a blow job, and his presence now was making me really want this. In a surprising way, his realness was making me click with the college kid more than I did with a megahot porn star. Maybe it was the opposite of what Bryan was feeling, where he was living out his porn dream.

"Yeah," he nodded. But he gave me a sheepish shrug. "I, um, don't have a lot of experience."

I patted his cheek. "Give it your best, bud. Please. Daddy's really fucking horny." Yep, this was porn me talking, but it was the magic words for Bryan, who couldn't get down on his knees fast enough.

The young stud actually whimpered as he pulled my dick to his face and began licking it. It was slobbery and impetuous, and his attempt to take me into mouth was more urgent than skilled.

"Easy, buddy..." I urged as he choked a little on my size. "Daddy's got a big cock... take your time."

He nodded and moaned around my prick, flashing those gray eyes up, a little teary. Fuck.

I wouldn't say he got the hang of, but he got a lot more comfortable. Slowly, he sucked me, a few inches at a time, working up the focus to get an extra one back into his throat. The young dude was so excited to blow me, and I was loving this. Slowly I stroked his hair and encouraged him. "That's it, sport... you don't need the training wheels do ya? You go right for the big ones. OH FUCK, that feels nice."

"Yeah?" Bryan asked as he spit out my cock and swallowed the excess spit. I could tell he wanted to make sure he was sucking me right, but more than that he struck me as a young man who craved positive feedback in sex.

"You're doing great, buddy," I said.

There was something about this connection which was night and day different than "Jeff Reed." Bryan was a real guy, a college stud eager for me and not just playing out sex for the camera. And yet...

"You interested in filming this, Bryan? It's SO hot to watch you, buddy."

I could see two reactions in his face at once. A fearful shock at the idea. And an excitement to even consider it. "Oh man," he responded, not giving me a hint which one was the bigger emotion.

I slowly stroked my rod in front of his face, working in his spit over my dong and letting it get steel hard for his gaze. I had toyed with using viagra for my shoots, but even with my size I didn't have an issue getting real hard erections like this. I just loved sex too much.

"If it helps, I packed a spare mask," I offered.

Maybe another dude would have wondered why I had a mask with me, much less more than one mask. But Bryan had been used to seeing me in one, so maybe it just seemed normal to him.

"This is crazy," he said, his fearful look breaking into a smile.

"Is that a yes or a no?" I asked, gently tapping his cheek with my dong.

"Yes," he muttered excitedly before taking ne into his mouth once more.

I let him work me for a few seconds then pulled back. I went to my carryon back and retrieved the masks. I wouldn't need one, I suppose, but I tossed both over Bryan's way while I got my portable tripod, a compact digital camera, and a spare cameraphone, an old Iphone I used for extra handheld footage.

I was worried I was killing the mood setting everything up and fiddling with the lights. But I loved shooting porn, and if anything my dick was harder in anticipation with shooting a different kind of scene. Me with an amateur costar. Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced I just knew this would be a hot video. And if not, I'd enjoy jerking off to it.

Fortunately, Bryan seemed excited too. I could see the excitement in his eyes, even behind the mask. He'd taken his shirt off, maybe to be less identifiable but was on his knees still, hands braced on his thighs. "I can't believe I'm going to be in one of your vids," he said. Yeah, the dude was into this.

I sauntered back, my dick leading the way. "If you're not comfortable with the results, we don't have to post anything," I said, remembering how important that veto power was for my comfort level for my first vid with my son. "Otherwise, I'll take this as your consent."

"Got it," he nodded.

The second his lips touched my prick again, I let out a gasp. He looked up at me, excited, and I took in his green eyes looking up through the mask holes. I pointed the phone camera at him to capture that. I wasn't gonna shoot that angle the whole time, since I preferred to enjoy getting head instead of playing cameraman the whole time. But the snapshots of him looking up would add to the effect.

Bryan's technique wasn't better this time, but his enthusiasm had tripled, at least. I set down the phone and eased my stance back, my posture upright. I was still in my business casual attire as this horny college kid blew me. I urged him to go slower at first with a quick deep grunt.

I heard the guy moan around my meat as something relaxed in his throat and he was able to more steadily take more of my dong into his throat. Working me up and down, I reached behind his head and massaged his scalp through the mask, gently urging him deeper.

"Yes," I choked in response. "Suck me." I'd gotten pretty good at deguising my voice. Using my porn voice. "Suck Daddy."

That did it. Bryan pulled off for a quick breath, then descended all the way down. I'm a big guy, and even some of the OnlyFans studs had a hard time swallowing my sword. But they weren't feeling the crazy sexual thrill this kid was.

He held a second then it was too much, and he pulled off with a sputtering cough. I could see his eyes watering even through the mask holes.

"Sorry," he breathed, as he tried to regain composure.

"It's OK... take your time," I said in my normal voice. Travis would have to edit that out. All for the best. I gave Bryan a second to catch his breath and then I leaned down and met him for a sensual kiss.

"You're doing real good," I said. Then leaning up, I offered my hard dong again. It had gone down a little, but was still pretty heavy. "Ready for more?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah," he said, his gray eyes looking back up at me.

His mouth on me got me rock hard once more. I pulled out some to let the camera catch my full hardon, then pushed back in between his wet lips. Bryan was novice, but that was OK. I was turned on from a change of pace from the OnlyFans dudes. This was a real guy, young and eager. I let him suck and get into sucking.

"Yeah," I grunted, I ran my fingers through his hair again and took the chance to push him down on my meat some more.

Byran was up for the challenge. He grunted around my prick but his throat relaxed and swallowed more of my thickness.

I started cumming. I wanted to ride out the orgasm in his college kid's throat but instead I pulled out and shot a couple of jets onto his mask and his lips before pushing back in just a few inches to let him suckle the remaining dribbles of semen.

I caught my breath a half second then picked up the cameraphone again. I hadn't taken too much handheld footage, so now I got a good view of Bryan slurping on my sated meat, licking up and down and outright worshipping my cock. Thankfully I wasn't too sensitive after nutting, and even if I lost a little of my rigidity, my dick kept a heavy firm meatiness that looked good.

I finally pulled back and turned both cameras off. "You were amazing, buddy," I said with a smile.

Already Bryan was pulling his mask off. I was glad. The guy was real fucking cute. "Dream come true for me," he said.

I could tell he was still horned up and at full sexual arousal from servicing me. "Get on the bed, kiddo," I urged. "Lie back."

He didn't seem to know what was going on but he complied. His body was shaking some as I undid his jeans and yanked them down.

"What are we gonna do?" he asked with some apprehension. Still he raised each leg to let me pull off his jeans. And his boxers showed a thick boner beneath the cotton.

"Your turn to get off," I said, not really answering his question.

Still, Bryan nodded and hooked his thumbs in the elastic of his boxers to slide them down. I let him take them off as I stepped into the bathroom to get lube out of my toiletties bag.

Bryan was now lying back on the bed, fully naked, his creamy white muscle looking even better than I anticipated now that he was stripped nude.

"You an athlete?" I asked as I flipped open the cap on the lube.

Bryan's eyes were nervously only the lube. I think I knew what he was worried about, and a part of me enjoyed playing with his nervousness. I'll give him credit, he put on a brave face as his eyes met mine to answer me. "Yeah. Wrestling.""

My guess had been spot on. "It shows," I said. "You have an amazing body."

"Thanks," he said, watching me get on the bed, me making a show of drizzling some lube on his hardon. His dick twitched, untouched, he was so turned on. "You have more the football build."

"Baseball was my sport," I answered. "And golf. But my trainer has helped me bulk up."

"You're my fantasy," he said softly. "The whole package. None of the guys know I'm into this, though." I could read in his face that he wasn't sure if he should be getting emotionally open like this.

I patted his thigh and set down the lube on the night stand with my other hand. I was fully dress, with my cock sticking out of the fly of my khakis still. I wasn't sure I wanted to get off again, but I knew I could. Bryan was hot as fuck, and I was grooving on his clear attraction to me.

"A shame," I winked, trying to make the conversation sexy again. "Maybe you could have some fun. With you coach, too."

That got a laugh from him. Bryan had a sexy smile. "I've definitely thought of Coach. A lot."

I rubbed his legs some more more, outright caressing them now. His quads were solid as fuck, hard brawn that contrasted with the soft collegiate fur. I copped a feel of his ball sac, lightly haired and ran my fingers up the lubey length of his shaft.

"Lift your legs, bud," I urged, my tone friendly even as my words were commanding.

He got that deer in the headlights look. "I've never done this," Bryan said softly.

I had a good idea what he meant. "You a virgin?" I asked. My eyes doing their best friendly look I could manage as I played with his hard dick and his balls. Not stroking him, more exploring his rigid younger dick. Getting him excited to play more.

"For fucking, yeah..." he replied. "Sorry."

I don't think I realized till then how much I wanted to tap this hot wrestler's ass. Maybe his innocence was fueling some of my desire, too. "Not gonna do anything you're not ready for buddy," I said. "Come on, just lift your legs for Daddy."

Maybe that was the magic word, because Bryan leaned back and raised his legs up.

"You can pull em back," I instructed, taking a good look before leaning forward and crouching down.

"Holy FUCK!" the kid gasped at the first swipe of my tongue. His hair down there was light, and I enjoyed the contrast with hairier guys or even the OnlyFans dudes who shaved smooth. It was a delight to lick up and down the trench and then focus more on his tight pucker.

"Jesus," Bryan gasped. He wasn't naturally verbal, but I could tell his mind was being blown. Surprised, maybe a little ticklish but he definitely loved getting rimmed.

I pulled back. That ring was drum tight all right. It made me realize I'd never eaten out a cherry hole before. My son's certainly wasn't virgin. "Go ahead and stroke off," I urged. I relished the ability to speak in my normal voice now that the cameras were off, even as some of my Masked Daddy persona came out anyway. "I want you to come kiddo."

I watched as he excitedly gripped his boner and start to stroke it. Then I dove back in. Not just rimming but fully eating him out, munching the tightness of his asshole.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," the kid gasped. I knew his orgasm was starting. I held onto the back of his meaty thighs and even pushed back a little to angle him perfectly to got to town with my tongue and my sucking mouth.

"NMNGGH!" came the grunt of his cum. Bryan's whole body was tensing up and I knew he was giving up his load in a big way.

Indeed as I pulled back I saw that beautiful creamy white wrestler muscle sprayed with splotches of his sperm. I began licking it up off his abs and chest, saving it in my mouth before I finally met him in a kiss to share it.

The snowballing caught him by surprise but he was way into it, accepting his own cum then pushing it back into my mouth, our tongues working it back and forth and frothing it up with our own saliva.

He had a big, content smile on his face when finally parted, swallowing what little seed was left on our tongues. "I thought..." he started then stopped himself.

"I know, buddy," I said. I patted his chest gently. "I won't lie... I came THIS close to pushing your boundaries."

He nodded, emotionally raw. I could tell he half wanted me to. But only half. "I know. I don't know how, but I could tell."

His hand reached up and ran along my arm through my button down shirt. "I'll probably be kicking myself for not going all the way. But I wasn't ready," he said.

"It was all great, buddy," I assured him.

"I should go," he said. "I got a long drive back to Boulder."

I pulled back and gave him one last pat as I eyed up his nakedness one more time. Bryan was the real deal. Not a "jock" for pay. I felt a strange emotional connection even with the sexual chemistry. I'd have to process why I was feeling that.

For now, I let him up and I went to piss while he got dressed again. When I stepped back from the bathroom, he was mostly dressed again, and had a dreamy, moody expression.

"Thanks for that... fuck I don't even know your name."

"Will 'Daddy' do?" I asked with a wink.

"Guess it will have to," he said with resignation. "You've made my dream come true."

I stepped up for a final kiss, then I showed him to the hotel room door.

***

I was glad Bryan didn't sleep over. I needed a good rest and I had a busy schedule with my client visit the next day.

It felt like naughty fun messaging Bryan when I got a chance, though. It started off with "had a great time" kind of texts, but Bryan admitted how he wished he'd gone all the way.

"Maybe if you're in town again, I'll have the courage," he admitted.

"I'm in town another night if you manage to get that courage, kiddo."

There was silence on his end. Like an hour and a half before I got another text, and even then it was a half hour before I had a break after my afternoon presentation.

"Sorry," Bryan wrote. "Was in class and my prof goes apeshit if we're on our phones LOL."

I texted. "I worried I'd spooked you."

This time the reply was quicker. "Dude, you don't know how horny I've been all day. You're definitely not spooking me."

I bit my lip and looked around. I probably looked like I was doing business texts on my phone. But fuck I was getting horny too. Somehing about this Bryan kid got under my skin. "Is that a yes?" I wrote. "You gonna give me your cherry?"

I was pushing boundaries now for sure, but Bryan seemed up for it now, more than the previous night. "I wanna. Yeah."

"Daddy wants to get in your hole SO bad, buddy." Then, "I'll go easy on you."

"God yes," came his reply. "I'm hard as fuck now."

God this was gonna happen. One more boundary to push. "Will you let me fuck you on camera?"

There was a pause now. Then, "Masked?"

"As you like," I wrote, almost hoping Bryan wouldn't wear one, even if I knew he would. To coax him, I added, "I'll tell you my first name if you let me film us."

"Deal. LOL."

I looked up. Folks were filing back into the conference room. I hoped my chubbed cock wouldn't show. "I gotta go. But maybe plan for 8:30? I have a work dinner before."

"God yes. I can't believe we're going to do this."

"We're going to do it, Kiddo." I assured him. "I want you so bad."

I got a blushing emoji in return and had to smile. "All right," he wrote. "Talk later."

I went into my meeting and was able to get my mind off Bryan's creamy smooth wrestler build and his cherry hole. Somehow.

I checked my messages after we wrapped up, before heading off to a business dinner. It was close to my hotel thankfully and these things never ran late. I hoped to see a message from Bryan, but there was nothing.

I did google some instructions for preparing to bottom. With the OnlyFans guys and my own son, that routine was down pat, but a newbie like Bryan could use some guidance, and I wanted the ease and comfort of topping a clean hole. I forwarded the site to Bryan.

I held off to one glass of wine during dinner. I wanted a clear head for later. By 7:40 I'd paid the check on my corporate card and bid good night to my client contacts. I had to laugh at myself by how excited I was to get back to my hotel. I did have time to stop at an office supply store and pick up a spare small camera. I figured this scene would be worth the extra vantage point.

Bryan texted when he was on his way. I stripped down from my business clothes and hung them up in the closet. I was rock hard already, and dripping in anticipation. I hadn't felt this excited since my last time with my son. I took a quick shower and put on the plush hotel robe, tying it to cover up my midsection.

I spent the rest of the time setting up the cameras. The lighting wasn't perfect but it was enough.

The knock made me realize I was a little nervous myself. I'd gotten comfortable doing porn, maybe a little too comfortable, but taking Bryan's cherry felt like a certain responsibility. I wanted it to be an incredible experience for him, and I was realizing I was totally green when it came to easing a guy out of his virginity.

Still, the sight of him made my heart beat. He was just so fucking cute and hunky. Particularly was we realized each other was nervous.

"Hey, Daddy," he said stepping in.

"Brad," I said. "You can call me Brad. Or Daddy," I smirked.

Our kiss was soft, surprisingly soft given the act we were about to do.

"You good for his, buddy?" I asked, running my hands along his outer arms.

He nodded. "I'm nervous as hell, but I'll be kicking myself if I don't do it."

"You feel like stripping down?" I asked. "There's a mask for you on the table."

I pulled mine on and then went around made sure all the cameras were on. I was pleased to see Bryan's naked body, that thick muscle lean and compact with just a dusting of hair. God, even with that build he looked every bit the 20 year old he was. Like I say, the real deal.

And I was doubly pleased to see him throwing hard. That thick five spike standing up from his lightly furred crotch, nerves notwithstanding. I watched him pull on his mask. It was a shame the viewers wouldn't see how cute he was but his body rounded out that college jock look for sure.

I pointed the camera at him. "So... we're about to have sex for a video that will be released through OnlyFans. Do you agree for me to share what I film?"

I half expected some questions, but he just nodded. "Yes."

"Good boy," I said with a laugh. That made Bryan chuckle, too, which made me glad. "Why don't you lie on the bed, face down?"

I could sense his nervousness. Maybe he anticipated face to face for his first time. "Don't worry buddy, I'll ease you into this."

He nodded silently and then complied, walking over to the hotel bed, while I filmed him with his natural jock gait. It was hot as fuck, seeing him strut and that ass of his work. Then his full body stretching out face down.

The other cameras would get a good angle - one angled on each side nightstand, the other from behind where I stood, just a little off to the side. I held the camera phone as I stepped closer, letting the camera rove over his strong back and amazing ass, up and down his legs. Maybe more jock-worship footage than we'd use, but Travis could work his magic.

Finally, I stepped back and propped the camera phone off to the side. maybe it would work for another angle. Bryan turned back to look at me, and I got off on how his back muscle flexed with his motion. Stepping up, I ran my hands along his calves, working up the length as I climbed on the bed.

I knew I'd be in good view of the cameras now as I kissed from one side of his hamstrings to the other knotted leg. I took my time working my way up.

Bryan was ready for the rim job now. Hiking his ass up, he parted his legs enough to let me in. My hands gripped his buns and did the rest.

The college kid's sigh was deep and sexual as I began licking. I wanted to put on a show. I loved rimming a guy and sometimes felt there was never enough of it in porn videos. It was always a quick lick before the top was lining up. I went full in now, eating out Bryan for a solid five to ten minutes, alternating speed and tonguework. Sometimes Bryan relaxed and let me do my magic, sometimes he bucked up against my face to maximize the contact.

I pulled back and with a hungry growl gave him a light pat. "Turn over," I urged in my deeper voice. Spittle wetted down the chin of my mask. I really wished he and I could do it without these, but the masks allowed us to fuck on camera, both of us.

I was amazed to see Bryan's prick hard and leaking clear sap everywhere. He was majorly turned on. I pulled up enough to let the cameras get a good view of his ripped, modestly jacked body.

"How many guys have fucked you?" I asked tersely. I sure hoped the "MaskedDaddy" voice was enough fo a disguise.

Bryan didn't change his voice, but his soft response was sexy as hell. "No one yet," he said.

I leaned in and kissed him. Just enough sexual urge, and enough romantic finesse. Bryan responded in turn, sucking my tongue into his mouth and moaning against me. He was nervous, sure, but also getting the case of the major horns.

I loved this, putting on a show and yet connecting one-to-one with this fine young man. I pulled up and muttered, "nice," patting his chest. I rolled off to the side and undid my robe. My hardon bounded out and both Bryan and the camera could see my exposed body with its blond fur. I pulled him to me and we started making out again.

Silently I guided him down and the kid knew what to do. Slowly he began kissing and worshipping my big prick, wetting it down with his tongue before taking me into his mouth. Practice hadn't made perfect, but he was getting much more accustomed to my size and better at blowing me.

I was determined not to get overheated. I just lay back and enjoyed this, the sensation of Bryan's soft, slow blowjob and the view of his nakedness kneeling in front of me in servicing position.

Soon, though, it was feeling too good. I nudged him off. He came up to meet me for a kiss, taking the initiative now, until I regained the upperhand in rolling him back on his back, with me on top. I could feel his hardon against mine and the warmth from his body.

Placing my mouth at his ear, I whispered, "You like being a porn star too, dont ya kiddo?"

"Yeah," he grunted back.

I knew I needed to be a little verbal with him. If the camera picked up my words, Travis could edit them out. "You're just about the hottest guy I've ever fucked, Bry."

His body actually shivered at that. The time seemed ripe. I lifted off and leaned over to pump out some lube.

He let out a hiss of air the second my greased fingers touched his pucker but he didn't flinch. Instead he spread his legs and looked into my eyes. This was gonna be good.

I pushed a digit in. Bryan was real fucking tight. But I worked him slowly. Back and forth, in and out.

"Another," I said curtly.

"God," he hissed as I penetrated him with two fingers. It wasn't bad-uncomfortable for him, but it was certainly unfamiliar to him. We stood still eyes locked, him lying back, me between his legs. Until I started finger fucking him again. I applied more lube and fingered him some more.

Finally I pulled back and removed my robe entirely, slipping it off my body and tossing it aside. Bryan's hands were on me, excited to feel up my DILF body. I let him. Between his attention and the cameras I was getting real excited. I was the one dripping now. I caught a thick thread of precum in my fingers and brought it down to his virgin hole. I fingered him up with that too.

The third finger was slow going, but I got him to relax.

"No rubber?" I have asked and half said.

"No sir," came his excited reply.

I was gonna get blue balls soon if I didn't fuck. I scooted up and pressed my prick head in place. I pressed super slow against his ring, working against the spit-slick tightness and smearing my precum against him.

I could feel Bryan's body shake beneath me, and he looked up, a real deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes beneath the mask. I worried if I waited longer his nerves would get the best of him. I pushed in.

"UNNH!" he whimpered loudly. I felt bad the entry hurt and bad that he was doing his bravest to pretend it didn't.

"Easy, bud..." I hissed, reaching down to run my hands along his hot body. This fine young man was giving me a major gift. My prick jerked an inch or two inside him, feeling the tightness of his ass clamping down on him, as I held still, then gave the shallowest of thrusts, back and forth more than in and out.

I looked at him, trying to communicate silently. Then I leaned in, pushing his legs back with my body. "You're doing good," I said.

We kissed. My cock slipped out of its toe hold but I didn't care. He needed this, and I wanted it. This was about the only time I lost track of the cameras. When I wasn't putting on a show. I connected with this college kid in a deep, soulful kiss. And kissed him som more.

I pulled back. This time I didn't rush, but I didn't delay. I pushed back into him. Bryan somehow trusted me, because his ring gave way more easily. He was virgin tight a few inches inside, but I gently thrust back and forth, working that knot inside him. I pulled out and added more lube. Now showing off for Bryan and the cameras both. Then I placed his ankles on my shoulders.

"OOH FUCK!" Came his cry when I broke through. But he wasn't in pain, just overwhelmed by feelings he didn't have word for. I plowed all the way in and held it. I could see his muscular chest rise and fall, taking deep breaths.

"Got your cherry, kiddo," I hissed.

"Thank you," he actually replied, his voice heavy in emotion. That got me going. My dick felt like stone inside his warm, tight guts.

"Feel good buddy?" My hands massaged his calf muscle as I looked down on him and restrained myself from just plowing his hot ass.

Bryan nodded.

I pulled and out thrust in. Then again. I was fucking for real now. Bryan's first fuck. Maybe more than he bargained for when he came over the previous night. But I knew this was his deep fantasy and why he reached out to me.

I wasn't hard or rough, but I fucked with a steady determination. I wanted to give this kid the best first time experience possible now. I puffed my chest and used more of a swivel action of my hips, in and out, in and out, as my eyes stared down at him. I'd probably read his facial reactions better without the mask, but his eyes and mouth were enough. I was getting to him, hitting that spot.

I paused just a second and reached to pump out more lube. This went onto his prick. He gasped as I slicked him up then got the picture once I pulled my hand away.

I grabbed a pillow and slid it underneath his hips. It made for the perfect angle, and I took quick advantage, resuming my steady plow of Bryan's no-longer virgin hole.

Turns out his masturbation was just what Bryan needed, flipping the switch to full pleasure now.

"Yeah?" I asked. Fucking heavier now.

"Yesss," the college hunk hissed back. He was jerking faster now, not frantically but eagerly and in synch with the fuck.

I saw his pisslit dilate and a clear spurt fly out. Not his ejaculation yet, but the prelude.

"Fuck yes," I grunted, throwing my hips into harder pounding. I was getting close to the finish line, and I wanted to speed up to catch up with this stud.

My harder thrusts felt amazing giving how much his ass was clenching and releasing on my dick spasmodically. But it really made Bryan's prostate sing. His pale skin grew pink and flush and his wrestler muscle tensed up.

"Shit!" he yelled and timed with each shove his nuts gave it up, and his prick spurted heavy ropes of semen over his perfect body.

I went at it even harder, leaning in some, powering my hips in rapid jabs. I didn't say anything but my grunt was unmistakeable as I shoved in and unloaded. My cum threw off my rhythm, but I held deep a second, then my hips jerked involuntarily for another hard shove to discharge my seed deep inside Bryan.

The kid winced at that one, which made me feel bad. I got myself under control and held myself steady, gently massaging his leg and then easing back. He'd been a trooper but now needed a break. I leaned back and showed off my slickened dong, though most viewers eyes would probably be on the cum-covered collegiate muscle of my bottom.

Leaning over I picked up one of the cameras. Time for the money shot.

Even if Bryan wasn't an experienced bottom, he'd watched enough porn to know what I was after. Rather than drop his legs down, he pulled them back, spreading them enough to show me and the camera his fucked and seeded hole. No longer drum tight, it has a slight gape and was thick with my cum. I'd shot a lot.

I got a good shot of it, then angled the camera up to capture his whole ripped and cum-wet body. Nothing would ever top watching my own son in porn, but Bryan was a close second.

I finally set down the phone and pulled off my mask. That was the cue Bryan was waiting for and he eagerly peeled his off.

"You OK, buddy?" I asked. My normal voice returning.

He nodded. "God yeah. I'm so glad we did that."

I gave a sly nod to the camera. "Your first time's preserved as a memento," I said. A little teasing in my voice, but checking in where his head was.

He smiled and god he was so fucking cute with that pearly white smile. "I didn't think I was gonna enjoy it at first," he admitted. "But damn..."

I ran my fingers through the cum that had turned liquidy on his chest. "You shot like gangbusters," I said.

"My cums are pretty big normally," he said. "But your dick did something inside me that made me go wild. I've never felt anything like that."

"I'm glad," I said. I leaned forward for another kiss, this one tantalizingly soft and slow.

Afterward, I let Bryan get up and shower off while I checked my phone. Then I figured I'd join him. The look on his face told me my presence was quite welcome.

"Hey," he grinned, shyly. God, he was star struck and that made me feel like a real stud.

"Hey," I said. Our wet bodies connected and we took the time to soap each other down.

"You married to a man or a woman?" he asked as he nodded to my gold band.

"A woman," I said. "I'm not the best husband."

He gave a nod of acknowledgment. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad you share yourself."

"I have news for you kiddo," I said, turning off the water and running my hands over his wet muscled body. "You've shared yourself now, too."

"Still can't believe it," he said. "When will you post it?"

"In a couple of weeks," I said. I wasn't going to bring up Travis or my process for putting the vid together.

His hands reached up to feel my body too, my chest but also my shoulders and arms.

"I'm hard again," Bryan said. "I can't believe it."

"You're 20," I joked. "It happens."

"Yeah," he laughed.

I patted his arm. "Feel like sleeping over?" I asked. "I have a morning flight to catch but you're welcome to stay."

He nodded, like an eager puppy. We dried off and made our way back into the room. I downed a bottled water to rehydrate and tossed him one. "Remind me to tip housekeeping extra," I said as I pulled down the sheets. "We made a fucking mess."

He slipped into the bed next to me. His body was cooler now, and felt great against my warmer bod. We made out. His dick was a spike and I got hard once more, but I wasn't eager for another fuck. And Bryan seemed to go with the flow.

"So..." I finally said. "No longer a virgin..."

"No sir."

"Any regrets?" I asked, leaning back in the bed against the headboard, pulling my hands behind me. Bryan nestled in, resting his head against my upper chest and running his hands along my fur.

"None. It was hot as fuck," he said. "But even if it hadn't been, I just feel relieved, you know?"

"Not exactly," I smiled knowingly.

"Ha," he said, picking up on my meaning. "I'm surprised your so good at breaking a guy in if you're cherry too."

"I'd like to say I had some secret," I admitted, "But I just did what felt right."

Maybe it was the sex. I mean it was getting late, but not that late. Bryan was dozing some as he rested up against me. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Ready for bed, kiddo?" I asked.

"Yeah, Brad," he said and rolled off to the side.

***

My son did his magic crafting two separate scenes from the footage with Bryan, as well as a very hot teaser. "Taking College Jock's Cherry" was the title of the second. The on-screen chemistry was real, and it was clear that we weren't faking it. I really did take the young dude's virginity on screen.

"God, Dad, this is fucking incredible," Travis said to me on the phone before he posted the scene. "I've shot three times to it."

I smiled. I was in a semi-public place and had to be a little discrete. "I'm very glad to hear that," I smirked. "A little payback to the one you did the other week."

"Bud and Spike?" he asked.

That one was one was OK, but not my favorite. "No, the other one," I said, cagily.

That got a laugh from Trav. "Oh, MiamiMuscles... dude's a crazy power bottom, right?"

"Yeah," I said, my throat getting hoarse with lust I was trying to hide. "I like watching you in action like that."

Travis picked up on my need to be discreet, though he had no constraints on his end. "You prefer watching me fuck, Dad?"

God, my son knew how to drive me crazy. "I do," I admitted.

I detected a hesitation on his end, which wasn't Travis's normal response to anything. He paused. "Dad... you ever think about, you know, me fucking you?"

Just hearing those words were going make me go from chubbed to boned. "It's a little scary to think about," I replied. "But yeah... I do."

"Oh fuck," Travis hissed. Only then did I realize he'd been dreaming of that very act. Topping me. Taking my anal cherry, like I'd done with that Denver kid. It surprised me actually, given our bedroom chemistry with my son bottoming for me, eager for his dad's cock. "We'll talk about it next time, OK?" he said. Not pressuring me but letting me know this was on his mind.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll probably chicken out, son. But I wanna explore the idea." I was nervous just vocalizing this.

"Sure, Dad," Trav said. "God you know I love everything we'd done together. If I were there right now, I'd suck your cock, you know that." My son was getting into deep lust mode now.

"Fuck, Trav, I should probably go," I said. I knew if I kept talking like this, I'd get in trouble. "Later, son?"

"Yeah, Dad," he replied, his voice rich with lust. I knew he was probably going to jack off when I hung up. I was going to find the time myself at the first chance. Pull up one of Travis's videos where he topped and stroke off imagining him pounding me, too.

****

My Denver videos were popular. I wasn't surprised that my fans responded to the realness of them, but I was surprised by the messages I got. They changed my porn career and it's probably not an overstatement to say they changed my life.

The first one came two weeks after the video with Bryan dropped.

"Dear MaskedDaddy, I loved your latest video. God, it's like my deepest fantasy. I'm 23 and live in DC. I don't have that college jock's bod, but I'm working on it. I've been too scared to let a guy fuck me, but if you want to be my first, I'd love to star in one of your vids. I wouldn't even need a mask."

It was a wild email, and I figured the kid's horniness doing the thinking for him. I pawed my crotch and laughed at how forward the offer was. I started to send a polite thanks but no thanks reply.

But then I thought about it, and I figured what the hell. I asked for the young dude's pictures. He was cute as fuck. Not quite as twunky as Bryan but still good looking, kind of that boy-next-door type.

Travis handled the OnlyFans money my site brought in. I didn't do porn for the money, and in any case I didn't want my finances impacted lest Kate find out.

I sent two more texts that night. One to DC guy. "If you're serious, lets plan for something three weeks from now." I knew I had some work travel on the East Coast I could piggy back on.

My other I sent to Trav. "I need your help arranging a DC visit. Gonna pop another dude's cherry."

[doubleappled]

Carmy does not fuck

I’m now on season 5 of Shameless, and I can’t stop thinking about JAW’s quote from a GQ interview last summer:

“Carmy's, like, the least sexual person. In playing him, I was aware that he had no room for love,” White says, bringing up one particular article that points out there might be some projection going on. “So I appreciated that she was aware that Carmy does not fuck.”

Obviously this was pre-Claire and Things Changed in s2. But knowing that JAW was bringing that energy to the character in s1 is really interesting to me given that Lip Gallagher definitely fucks. A lot. He has swagger, he knows he’s attractive, he pulls a ton of women, he uses sex to get what he wants even when he’s still basically a kid.

Some of Lip’s sex scenes are played for laughs — like everything on Shameless, with varying degrees of success. But sex appeal, bravado, and the baseline assumption that Lip is very deeply hot (as well as smart and capable) is an integral part of his character in a way it’s not for Carmy, even though it’s the same actor with the same face and body etc.

I wonder if JAW was using the sex thing as a way to differentiate Carmy from Lip, whom he’d played for 10 years, his whole adult life. He talks in that interview and others about really being ready to leave Lip behind and worrying that Carmy was too close to the same “smart kid from a tough family in Chicago” role, even though the two characters under the surface are not too similar imo.

So I think sex serves as kind of a wedge between the two characters. Same with anxiety, maybe — Lip’s got 99 problems but panic attacks aren’t one of them, at least by s5.

[megalony]

You Didn't Know?

This is an Evan Buckley imagine, requested by Anon, I finished this one so quickly. Thank you for all the requests I am slowly working through them. Feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: Evan is secretly dating the Captain's daughter, but when (Y/n) has a miscarriage and the 118 turn up on the scene, everyone finds out.

-Descriptions of miscarriage.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's wrong, you've hardly eaten anything."

"Nothing's wrong, I'm just not hungry." (Y/n) shrugged and pushed her plate across the table to signal that she was finished.

Her eyes looked up and locked with her dad sitting across from her but she shrank down in her seat when she noticed his confused expression, mixed with worry burning in his eyes.

She never turned down his cooking. Bobby had never made a dish that (Y/n) didn't eat. Even when she wasn't feeling well, he made her some vegetable soup and she ate it all. But she hadn't touched the carbonara that he made this afternoon and the whole point of being here at the station was to spend time with the team and have lunch.

Bobby's schedule had been hectic recently so (Y/n) had come down to the station to see her dad and have lunch with him and the team. But after a few mouthfuls, she wasn't feeling well enough to eat and she couldn't tell him the reason why.

"You never turn down my cooking."

"Dad… I'm just not feeling great today, stop worrying." She pursed her lips and waited until he relented and nodded.

Boy, was (Y/n) glad Evan wasn't at the table to see her leave her food. He would know something was up and he wouldn't let it go.

When Bobby took the empty plates and headed over to the sink, (Y/n) leaned back in her chair and glanced her eyes down to her stomach. God, she would have to tell them both soon.

She had to tell Evan first. He had to be her first point of call. (Y/n) had to sit Evan down and tell him she was pregnant. It was planned out, she was going to get a pair of baby boots and place them in a box along with the pregnancy test she had taken. She knew what his reaction was going to be, Evan was going to light up the room and be thrilled that he was going to be a dad.

But then they would have to tackle her dad.

Bobby didn't know they were together yet. He didn't know (Y/n) had moved in with Evan either. It was hard to tell him when (Y/n) felt like she was doing something wrong. Bobby thought of Evan as his son and Evan knew he was stepping on Bobby's toes by going out with his daughter.

That was why they decided to keep it to themselves for now and then find a way to tell Bobby and the rest of the team and hope it didn't complicate things. But a baby was going to complicate everything. Everyone would have to know now.

"I'm gonna head off now dad, I'll see you for dinner on Tuesday." (Y/n) got up and hooked her bag over her shoulder before she wandered over to the kitchen.

She was having dinner at her dad's on Tuesday with him, May and Athena. That would be the perfect time to bring Evan with her and explain so her dad couldn't explode on them with Athena there to play referee. She couldn't drop the baby bombshell then though, it would be too much all at once.

"Okay sweetheart, I'll ring you later."

She pushed up on her toes and kissed his cheek, whispering a quiet "Bye," in his ear as she hugged him.

She waved across at Chimney before she made her way downstairs and looked around. Eddie was in the gym, Hen was re-stocking the ambulance, and (Y/n) knew exactly where Evan had gone. He went to get changed. He'd bumped into Hen in the kitchen and spilt half his dinner down his uniform.

(Y/n) knew she couldn't leave without saying a quiet goodbye to Evan, he wouldn't let her live it down if she did.

Her footsteps were light and quiet as she hurried down the hall and turned into the locker room.

She tapped her knuckles on the door, just in case anyone else was in there with him. But when she opened the door, her lips curved into a smirk and she whistled and leant against the door frame. Her eyes wandered up and down Evan's frame as he whipped around to face her, wearing nothing but his boxers.

She didn't move when Evan advanced towards her but she did gasp when his hands found her hips and he turned her so her back was flush against the wall, pinning her beneath him with no means of escape. Her arms moved to wrap around his neck and she tangled her fingers in his hair that was starting to curl up at all angles.

"Just thought I'd tell you that I'm leaving now."

Evan's fingertips dug achingly into the flesh around her hips and she could feel every inch of him pressing up against her when he pushed forward. His slightly damp chest moulded against hers and he brought his forehead down to press against her temple.

"You're leaving me?" He murmured softly as he pressed his lips to her cheek in a small, tender kiss.

"You're not making it easy, Buckley."

He could feel her words floating around in the air between them and each breath she took fanned against his lips when he pulled up. Causing him to reach his tongue out to swipe over his lower lip that was curved into a grin.

"Do you know how hard it is to stay away from you when you come down here, looking like that?" He muttered the words breathlessly against her lips before he closed the distance between them and kissed her.

It became increasingly difficult for Evan to see (Y/n) turn up at the station or be at the frequent barbecues at Bobby's house and not be able to reach out and touch her. He had to remember to keep a safe distance between them and be considerate and wary of everyone else round them.

He didn't like not wrapping his arm around her waist or having to refrain from resting his hand on her hip or pressing his lips to her forehead. He could refrain from kissing her, but it was the no touching part that he found so hard. His hands were always itching to move, to reach out and grab her and reel her in and he yearned to feel her pressed up against him like this.

"Hm, I know." (Y/n) whispered quietly as she moved one hand to brush across his cheek and she dragged her thumb along his sharp jaw which made him shiver.

A whine bubbled at the back of (Y/n)'s throat when Evan caught her bottom lip between his teeth and lightly tugged before kissing it.

"I gotta go before we get caught."

"Go on then,"

He released his grip on her sides and lowered his arms back down as if he was giving in. But Evan took one measly step back that didn't stop them from touching. His legs were still brushing hers, his chest was so close that if (Y/n) breathed deep enough, her chest would merge with his. And with her back still being pressed into the wall, she didn't have enough space to slip away from him.

"You're a bad influence, you know that?" (Y/n) brought her hands up to cup his face and pulled him down for another kiss that caused Evan to reach out and plant his hands down on the wall either side of her head. Caging her back in his embrace that he knew she didn't want to leave.

"So you keep telling me, baby."

(Y/n) trailed her fingertips down his chest and followed her touch with kisses that she peppered against his neck and down the middle of his sternum to fog up his mind. He tipped his head back, eyes closed in bliss and a deep growl left his lips at the feel of her teeth grazing his chest that drove him wild. But just as he felt himself melting into her touch, (Y/n) ducked under his arm and backed up out the doorway.

"I'll see you when you get home, Evan." She knew it drove him mad when she said his name instead of calling him Buck like everyone else did.

She turned on her heels and bit down on her lower lip when she felt his hand reach out to hit her bum before she got too far away. She heard him whisper "Bye baby," before she closed the door and made her way back down the hall.

Evan was on a double shift and the station was short staffed so (Y/n) wasn't going to see Evan until tomorrow night or later, depending on when he finally got finished.

It was going to feel like an eternity until he came home.

***

Opening her eyes, (Y/n) tried to look around the room but she couldn't get her eyes to focus. A groan tumbled past her lips and she buried her face into the pillow as her arms pressed into her stomach.

She felt sick. She felt like she was on fire. Her stomach was aching-

Her stomach was cramping.

Her eyes opened again and she did her best to push herself up so she was sitting up in bed. Why was her stomach hurting? She shouldn't be feeling any cramps, she was pregnant, she wasn't due to have her period but that was what it felt like.

She tossed the cover onto Evan's side of the bed and turned the bedside lamp on, but her lips parted and wobbled, letting out a cry when she looked down.

Blood.

Blood was starting to smear across her inner thighs and when (Y/n) gingerly lifted Evan's shirt that she was wearing, she could see the substance soaking into the bedsheet. This didn't look good.

What was she supposed to do?

She wanted Evan.

Her lips quivered and she pushed her chin down into her chest and pressed both her hands tightly into her stomach. How was she supposed to call Evan and tell him what was going on when he didn't even know she was pregnant yet? She had it all planned out to tell him in a few days, she was going to make it a surprise and tell him. This wasn't how he was supposed to find out.

A broken cry burst past her lips when another pain coursed through her stomach and she hurriedly grabbed her underwear and pulled them down. Choking again when she saw even more blood soaked into them and streaks smeared down her legs when she removed them.

She was losing the baby.

(Y/n) coiled her knees up to her stomach and sobbed when the pain got worse until she felt like a duke box vibrating and pulsing with how hard and loud her pulse was throbbing in her veins.

What had she done? Why did she deserve this?

Ragged breaths ran away from her and her chest burned when she looked down between her legs.

No. No. No.

Slumping to the right, (Y/n) flopped onto her side like a fish and shuffled across onto Evan's side of the bed. She felt her lungs start to ache and clench as she started to hyperventilate. She couldn't breathe. Her heart was pounding so fast in her chest that it was actually hurting to fele her heart beating. Her head hurt. Her stomach was cramping and her legs were shaking back and forth into her stomach.

One arm stayed around her waist but her other hand moved. Her crimson, sticky palm smothered against her mouth causing her shallow breaths to wheeze and snuffle between her fingers. She could feel the blood on her hands transferring onto her lips and the metallic taste made her gag. Her elbows pinned into either side of her waist and she began slowly swaying on her side.

Pushing her face into Evan's pillow to see if his scent would calm her down, but it didn't.

She could feel the blood sticking between her thighs and making her legs itch with each cramp that burned through her abdomen and her body was still shaking.

She felt like she was beginning to overheat, despite the bedroom being very cold and only wearing Evan's cotton shirt.

What was she going to do? What kind of conversation was she going to have with Evan when he eventually came home? How was she going to explain to him that she had lost their baby while he'd been out at work?

She wanted to be wrapped up in his comforting embrace and pretend that this was all just a nightmare.

Even though she knew he would be heartbroken, conflicted and desperate to help her, she wanted him here. She wanted the affection and comfort Evan would make her feel.

Each breath started to run away without her again and (Y/n) could feel her chest shuddering as she gasped and cried and gagged. She couldn't breathe. She wanted Evan. She needed to do something. She couldn't just lay here all night and wait for him to come home. (Y/n) had to call for help and get to the hospital. Once she had been seen by a nurse and sorted out, then she could focus on trying to explain this situation to Evan.

She didn't realise how badly she was shaking until she tried to reach for her phone and bashed it about on the side table trying to curl her fingers around it.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I- help." (Y/n) hated how her voice sounded broken and cracked and how she had to wheeze to try and take a proper breath.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"(Y/n)… baby, I m-miscarried." Her heart thundered against her ribs when the words passed through her lips. Why did she have to admit what she'd done? Why did she have to say outloud what her body had just put her through? Why couldn't the woman on the line just telepathically find out the problem and send help?

"Okay honey, can you tell me how far along you were?" She sounded kind, she seemed like a caring person, but (Y/n) didn't want that care and concern. She didn't want help but she knew she needed it.

"Don't k-know, there's… there's a lot of blood, really hurts."

"Help is coming to you, (Y/n). I can see the apartment building you're in, can you tell me which floor and flat you're in please?"

"Fourth floor, four-B."

"Dispatch to one-eighteen?"

"This is Captain Nash, go ahead."

Evan masked the groan he could feel in his chest and tilted his head back into the seat. They had barely pulled away from their car crash scene they had just finished up with. Three hours they had been stuck evacuating people, cutting them out from their cars and sending everyone through to the hospital. Chimney and Hen had come back to the scene in the ambulance by the time everything was all sorted and now they were on their way back to the station.

It was time for them to have a break, grab a drink and have a five-minute rest. Did they really have to go out on another call so soon?

It was eleven o'clock at night and the whole team was flagging, except for Bobby who seemed alert and ready as if he hadn't just been on a long, excruciating call.

"I have a young woman two blocks from your location needing medical assistance. She's at home experiencing a miscarriage, losing a lot of blood."

A round of perplexed, curling lips flooded the truck. This wasn't something they dealt with very often and nobody wanted to be on these kind of calls, but it was their job.

"Okay, what's the location?"

"Hillside Court, apartment four-B on the fourth floor. Thank you."

Every ounce of blood in Evan's body drained down to his toes, leaving his complexion a gritty shade of grey. He could feel his jaw coming loose and his nose crinkled as he tried to work out if he had just imagined that or if he heard dispatch right.

That had to be a mistake. That was Evan's apartment.

(Y/n) wasn't pregnant. She would have told him. He would have known. She had been fine when he saw her yesterday morning before he left for work. (Y/n) wasn't having a baby- she wasn't losing a baby either. That had to be a mistake.

But it couldn't be. Dispatch didn't make those kind of mistakes and unless this was a hoax, which was extremely unlikely, it wasn't plausable that a young woman would give the wrong address or get her address wrong when she was in an emergency.

"Buck, you okay? You look a little pale." Eddie nudged Evan's leg with his knee and smiled but his brows furrowed when Evan just stared down at his hands that were knotted together in his lap.

When the truck pulled up, Evan tore off the headset and his belt and scrambled down from the truck. He didn't wait for Eddie to grab his medic bag or for Hen and Chimney to get out the ambulance and get the gurney out. He didn't even wait for Bobby- oh God, Bobby.

If this was (Y/n), Bobby was going to get the shock of his life.

Evan stormed up to the complex door and punched in the keycode, praying no one would notice but it didn't really matter. In a few minutes they were going to learn everything about him.

He knew Chimney and Hen would have to wait for the lift, they wouldn't drag the gurney up four flights of stairs. But Evan didn't wait. He pounded up the stairs two at a time and flung himself around each twisting corner that now became his enemy.

"Buck slow down- Jesus what's gotten into you?"

When he reached the right floor, Evan prayed. He prayed for some other young girl next door or on the next floor to cry out and say she was the one who needed help. For someone else to have this dilemma and be in pain and agony instead of (Y/n). Evan didn't care how selfish that made him, he prayed and prayed while he fumbled above the door ledge for the spare key up there for emergencies. He didn't have his keys on him, they were safe in his locker so he didn't lose them on a call.

"Baby? (Y/n), baby where are you?" He bashed the bathroom door open and peered round the door before he looked ahead at the living room. The lights were off, she couldn't be down there.

He grabbed the bannister and propelled himself up the steps, barely out of breath until he stormed into the bedroom.

Then all the air disappeared from his lungs and his brain seemed to short-circuit.

Dispatch had been right. It was (Y/n). She had been pregnant, and Evan didn't know anything.

Terror pulsed through Evan's body as he tripped over his feet and stumbled over to the bed. There was his girl. (Y/n) was laid on his side of the bed, her face smothered in the pillow and both her arms cocooned tightly around her abdomen. She was shaking back and forth, wearing one of Evan's pyjama shirts while blood was caked between her thighs and creating a puddle on the bed beneath her.

"Oh Christ," Evan rolled his eyes to the ceiling to look away before he leaned over the bed and grabbed the edge of the quilt. He dragged it over the other blood stain on the bed so he didn't have to look before he pressed his knees into the edge of the bed and leant down.

He reached his hands out and gently cupped (Y/n)'s face, smoothing his thumbs beneath her eyes to swipe away her tears. While he tilted her head so she wasn't hidden away in the pillow and she could see him.

"Baby, baby it's me, come here."

(Y/n) couldn't stop herself from crying out when she looked up. Why did Evan have to get this call? Why did he have to see her like this? She thought a paramedic team from the hospital would get to her, not the station that was her family.

She thought she would have time to come up with a way to explain all of this to Evan before she had to face him.

She moved a trembling hand from her waist to curl around Evan's hand and when he pressed his lips to her burning forehead, she cried again. She smothered her face against his wrist and pulled until he tried to hold her better.

"I'm here. It's okay, I've got you baby girl." Evan curled his hand round to cup the back of her neck while he wound his other arm beneath her waist and carefully lifted her up.

He moved to sit down on the end of the bed next to the pillow and he slowly eased (Y/n) back until she was propped up against his chest. He stayed motionless when (Y/n) started to move and he let her squirm around and try to settle herself in his arms. She hooked both arms around his neck until his head bent forward and he started to shake along with her. Her chest pressed up into Evan's and her legs stayed curled beneath her with her knees pressed into his thigh.

His arm stayed around her waist and he tangled his fingers in her hair at the back of her neck, brushing his thumb up and down her skin. And he pressed his lips against the top of her head when (Y/n) smothered her face against his shoulder.

"I- Evan I'm s…sorry-"

"Don't you dare. I don't wanna hear that from you." He hushed against her temple as he started to sway them back and forth.

He wouldn't listen to any form of apology. (Y/n) hadn't done anything wrong and Evan wouldn't let her believe otherwise. She was hurt and in pain and he was glad it came through dispatch so he could be here with her. He wouldn't want strangers coming in to try and look after her and he would rather help her than find out hours later what had happened.

"Buck what th- oh… oh no, is she…" Eddie dumped the medic bag on the end of the bed and sat down by (Y/n)'s feet. He dared to lift the cover when he saw the trail of blood lead onto the other side of the bed but when Evan kicked him in the shin, he dropped the cover immediately.

He didn't need to see that.

"It's my… she- this is my home. My girl." Evan kept his lips pressed against (Y/n)'s head and he didn't look anywhere but down at her form in his arms. This was his call. This was his home, his girl, his lost child and his scene. This was one for Evan to take charge of.

"Okay. Can I check her over?" Eddie grabbed a stethoscope from his bag but when he turned back round, his face fell and he stared at the girl in front of him. "(Y/n)? Oh Buck you didn't?"

He had slept with the Captain's daughter. He had gotten into a relationship with (Y/n) without telling Bobby and now he'd gotten her pregnant.

"Cap's on his way up-"

"No! No p-please… I c-can't-"

Eddie slammed his hand down on the bed and slung the stethoscope around his neck before he bolted. If (Y/n) didn't want Bobby to see her like this that was entirely her choice, but they needed to keep him at bay if that was the case. They could get (Y/n) prepped and ready to move to the hospital and then Bobby could find out once they were in the ambulance.

He bolted down the stairs and moved to the door just as Chimney and Hen came in with the gurney. He looked between them and Bobby who was stood behind them, waiting for something to come to mind to stop them.

"It's Buck's girlfriend, this is his place… she doesn't want everyone crowding round seeing her like that. Give us five minutes to prep her, please?"

There was nothing else Eddie could say that his team would believe or understand. He couldn't tell them to step outside and wait for no good reason. And he had to tell them something they would believe about why he and Evan were the only ones who could look after this patient.

"Oh God. Leave the gurney here, tell Buck we'll wait back down by the truck and radio if you need assistance getting her down." Bobby waved the pair of them away and Eddie could have fainted.

They left the gurney in the hallway and nodded, understanding and pain in their eyes as they turned around.

No one knew Evan was so serious about his new mystery girl. The team knew he had met someone, he was brighter when he came to work. Happier, desperate to go home and he was actually going somewhere on his days off rather than hanging around with the team, unsure what to do with himself.

But they didn't realise he was this serious, or that he was so fond of this girl and going steady enough to get pregnant.

Eddie turned and jogged back up the stairs and moved to sit down on the bed where he had been before. "They're waiting outside. Hey (Y/n), can I take a look at you?" He rubbed his hand up and down (Y/n)'s leg to get her attention.

She slowly unravelled her arms from Evan's neck but kept her head on his shoulders. Her arms curved back around her waist and she held Evan's arm that draped across her front. Her nails scratched into his arm as she held him as tight as possible and nodded over at Eddie. She didn't want Eddie to see her like this, but she was grateful for his help all the same.

Eddie leaned forward and listened to her heartbeat, then checked her breathing before he swapped the stethoscope for a blood pressure cuff. He could see the tightness around her arm made her lightheaded and her eyes moved towards the back of her head before she seemed to come back round again.

"How's the pain, is it constant or coming and going?" He looked up at Evan as if checking for permission before he went ahead and lifted (Y/n)'s shirt so he could assess her stomach.

He pressed his fingertips around her abdomen, biting his lip when (Y/n) winced and shuddered back into Evan.

"Dull cramps."

"Okay… Buck, I need to take a look." Eddie indicated his head to the right. He had to check the bed and they both knew what for. He lifted the cover and leaned over, holding his breath before he looked back at (Y/n). "The doctor will have to check, but I think… I think everything came away. That's good. But you're still bleeding, I'll give you something for that. Do you want any morphine?"

If (Y/n) didn't miscarriage properly and something was still retained, she could gain an infection and it would be dangerous. Eddie wasn't an expert, this wasn't his medical field of expertese, but he would guess from what he could see that nothing was retained. That was what they wanted, so (Y/n) didn't have to go through any more unnecessary trauma.

"Morphine, please." (Y/n) closed her eyes and held onto Evan's arm while she tilted her head forward and pressed her lips against his arm to try and control her breathing.

She felt Eddie inject something into her stomach and she whimpered into Evan's arm, pushing back until he tightened his arms around her and quietly shushed her. She knew it was morphine that Eddie injected into her thigh next. It tingled and fizzled and made her feel sick and lightheaded and drunk all at once, but she knew it would work soon and take away the cramps.

"Vitals all look good, I think it's safe to move you then in the ambulance I'll get you on an IV to boost your levels up. Buck… you wanna get her downstairs?"

Packing the bag, Eddie slung it on his shoulder and headed downstairs to move the gurney towards the stairs, giving the couple a moment together.

"Alright baby, let's move you."

As slowly as he could, Evan slid out from behind (Y/n) and stood up so he was leaning over the bed again. But he paused when (Y/n) cupped his chin and stared up at him.

"I was- I was gonna tell you-"

"I know you would, and it's okay."

"It's not."

It wasn't okay. Nothing was okay because (Y/n) didn't get the chance to tell him first. Evan had to hear over the radio that she was pregnant and had lost the baby, all in one swift motion. The moment he found out was the moment he learned she'd lost it. That wasn't right. She should have told him the moment she found out, not let this happen instead.

"Dad's o-outside, I don't wanna tell him." (Y/n) slumped her head forward onto Evan's shoulder and curled her arms around his neck again.

She didn't want her dad to see her like this. She didn't want him finding out everything like this, but she didn't have a choice. Her body had made all these decisions for her and taken away any choice she may have had before.

"Baby, please. Please, just let me look after you, okay? I'll deal with your dad and the team but I need you to let me get you sorted first. So come here."

Evan would sort it. He would talk to Bobby and make sure the team didn't get in the way. He would deal with all the backlash (Y/n) was afraid of, but he had to help her first. He had to get her downstairs and in the ambulance so she could see a doctor before he dealt with everything else.

(Y/n) came first.

When she stayed quiet, Evan took it as his sign. He curved an arm around her back and slipped the other arm beneath her knees, carefully lifting her up into his arms bridal style. He felt the way she shivered and started to shake again so he tightened his arms and held her closer until his ribs started to ache from how deeply he pressed her against his chest.

He had carried her up and down the stairs a few times, but never like this. Never when (Y/n) was in this much agony and crying into his neck like this.

"Okay, there we go." Evan slowly eased (Y/n) down on the gurney, watching with tears in his eyes as she brought her knees up to her stomach and curled up on her side.

She stayed still and compliant as Eddie held her left wrist out and swabbed the back of her hand so he could get a needle into her vein. He taped it in place and connected the IV bag which he placed on the end of the gurney beside (Y/n)'s feet.

"How exactly are we gonna do this?" Eddie murmured once they were in the lift. Neither of them could technically hide (Y/n) and Eddie doubted they would be able to rush her into the ambulance without Bobby clocking who she was.

And they had no idea how Bobby was going to react to this.

Evan shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes focused on (Y/n). He dragged his fingers through her hair and let her hold his arm against her chest until the lift opened and he had to go back to steering the gurney again.

"Are we ready to go?" Hen clasped her hands together in front of her and tried to smile sympathetically towards Evan when they came outside.

None of them knew how to play this or what to do. They hadn't had an intimate situation like this on call before. But when Hen looked down at the gurney, her smiled faded and her shoulders dropped immediately. She knew who that girl was. She had seen that girl hundreds of times at Athena's house and her pictures were dotted all around the house and along the walls.

"Buck, do you need us to call anyone for you? We've got your shift covered-"

"Nope." Evan kept his head down and followed Eddie's lead, pushing the gurney ahead towards the ambulance. He let his eyes stay on (Y/n) as she reached her hand out and curled her fingers tightly around his wrist near her head.

They almost made it. They almost got to the ambulance, but Bobby moved at the wrong second. He moved just as Evan juttered the gurney down off the pavement, onto the road.

"Is- (Y/n)? Is that my daughter? Buck what the Hell have you done?!"

Evan cringed and tipped his chin down into his chest as they stopped walking. He could feel his whole body rattling like a cage and he felt (Y/n)'s nails puncture into his wrist deep enough to draw blood.

(Y/n) tried to keep her eyes closed, but she couldn't manage it. She just had to look up and see what kind of expression her dad was wearing. He had gone red. His jaw was grinding from side to side and she could see the vein throbbing in his neck. His hands were balled into fists but when he looked at her, he almost broke.

That was his daughter. That was Bobby's little girl. The one part of his family that hadn't been snatched away from him. And Evan had taken her. Evan was like a son to Bobby, but now he had wormed his way into (Y/n)'s life and he didn't have the decency to tell Bobby. He had to find out like this, that they were clearly in a relationship and now his daughter had lost a child he had no idea about.

Nodding his head, Evan looked at Eddie who got the hint and slowly backed up into the ambulance, pulling the gurney with him as Evan lifted it up. They couldn't stand and argue, they didn't have the time.

"You have no right to keep this from me!" Reaching a hand out, Bobby grabbed Evan roughly by the shoulder and wrenched him back before he had the chance to climb up into the ambulance. He pulled him back onto the road and spun him round so they were level.

Their expressions mirrored with locked jaws, bloodshot eyes and tears falling from their eyes.

"This isn't your call. It's mine."

"What the Hell did you just say to me?"

Evan froze when Bobby's hands latched back around his shoulders and forced him back until he was pinned up against the side of the ambulance. He couldn't find it in himself to care about the fury burning in his Captain's eyes. Usually seeing Bobby so upset with him would have crumbled Evan into a million little pieces.

But not today. Not anymore. Not after what he'd just seen (Y/n) go through.

"You two need to stop!" Eddie leaned his head around the side of the ambulance, fury burning in his eyes. How could they stand and argue this out here in the street when (Y/n) needed to get to a doctor? They were her family, they needed to support her not fight over her.

He could see neither of them were paying his words any attention. And Hen and Chimney stepped in to pull Bobby back and keep a safe distance between them both.

"If you give a fuck about her you'll pack it in because she's haemorrhaging again so get in here and let's go."

***

"She wants to see you." Evan expected some kind of snarky response when he leaned against the door and looked over at Bobby. He was waiting for something awful to be thrown his way, for a dirty look or a grimace or just something that would make him feel even worse about all of this.

All he got was Bobby's shoulder nudging his as he bypassed him and walked into the room.

"Buck-"

"Don't. Alright, just don't." He waved his hand towards Chimney before he turned round and shut the door. He wasn't in the mood for a lecture. He knew he should have told Bobby and the rest of the team, but Evan didn't want their sympathy or their words of advice.

He didn't want anything right now. It was bad enough that he knew Chimney, Hen and Eddie were going to be sat out there in the waiting room until Bobby was ready to go back to the station. They wouldn't leave until they knew (Y/n) was definitely okay and that Bobby and Evan weren't going to start a fight in the hospital.

(Y/n) looked up from her hands when the door closed. She watched her dad head her way like a train on full speed while Evan stayed near the door in case he needed a swift exit or one of the team to come play referee.

As soon as her dad was within reach, (Y/n) opened her arms and reached out for him. She locked her arms around his neck and pulled him down until he sat down on the edge of the bed. She couldn't stop the tears. When her face pressed into her dad's shoulder, she started to shake and quiet sobs muffled into his shirt.

She felt his arms go around her tightly and he held her just like he used to when she was a teenager, waking up with nightmares about the fire.

His arm deadlocked around her waist and his other hand moved to tangle in her hair as he kissed the top of her head.

"It's okay, it's okay sweetheart. You're okay."

"I'm sorry dad." (Y/n) kept her arms tight around Bobby's neck and stayed attached to his front so she didn't have to pull back and look up to see his broken expression.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"The first time you brought (Y/n) to the station, you told me and Eddie not to get any ideas. Would you have been happy for us if we told you?" Evan pushed off the door frame and moved to slump down in the chair next to the bed. He could feel all the energy draining out of his body almost immediately as he flopped his elbows down onto his thighs.

When (Y/n) first came down to the station, Bobby warned everyone not to try anything with her. Eddie and Evan had been the single guys at the time and they had gotten along well with (Y/n), that was enough to put Bobby on edge and warn then away from his daughter.

He didn't want her getting her heart broken by anyone in his team and if they got into a relationship and it ended badly, that would complicate things for the team. Not to mention, Bobby thought of Evan as his son so it didn't naturally go together in his mind for Evan to be with his daughter.

"I would try to understand." Something softened in Bobby's eyes when he looked over at Evan, despite the anger he could still feel rolling through him in waves.

He wished Athena would hurry up and get here. She was much better at sorting out family affairs and situations like this.

"We we're going to tell you at dinner next week… I was, I was trying to find a way to tell you both, about the baby."

(Y/n) finally leaned back and dropped her hands down to her lap as her eye stayed focused on her nails she began to scratch. There was no excuse for hiding this from her dad, but they had to explain that they were about to tell him. They never wanted him to find out like this.

"You didn't know?" Panic and pain burned bright in Bobby's eyes when he looked across at Evan who simply shook his head.

He had no idea fate decided he might have been given the chance to be a dad. He wouldn't have been able to hide it or contain himself if he knew, and that would have made him crash further when this situation happened. Evan still couldn't quite process the fact that they had lost a child. It didn't seem real, it wasn't cemented in yet.

"Okay. You need to get some rest now, we can talk about all of this over dinner when we get you home. You can tell me everything."

(Y/n) looked up from her hands with a flicker of confusion in her eyes as she looked up at her dad.

She was expecting the third degree lecture. She was waiting for him to tell her how much she'd hurt him by hiding this. She thought he would ask why she wanted to be with Evan when she knew how much he meant to Bobby and how close he was to their family.

Neither of them were expecting Bobby to relent and try to process this so quickly and easily.

"You- you mean it?"

"You should have told me, I'm still not thrilled about finding out like this… but Buck, you mean a lot to me. And seeing you with (Y/n) tonight, there's no one else I'd trust more with my daughter than you."

[meetmyothersouls]

How are you?

An old ask but I wanted to use it for my holiday fic.

They can Wait

Jonah Hauer-King x first person reader

Warnings: anxiety, sexual situations, not proofread

“You sure we’re not going to wake them?” Jonah whispers before we even set foot on my parents porch.

“No, definitely not.”

“Maybe we should get a hotel for the night.”

Our breath clouds in the crisp fall air, illuminated by the moon and the ruddy orange street lights that line my parents street. I’ve been living in England for the past few years with my boyfriend, Jonah. And tomorrow, or rather today is Thanksgiving.

“I already told my mom before we boarded in Chicago that we’d be in very late, Jonah. I promise they’re asleep and we won’t wake them. Trust me.”

Jonah stands by the car, his hands shoved in his pockets as he bounces on his heels, his usual tell that he’s nervous.

“What’s wrong, babe? You’ve met my parents before.”

“I don’t know,” he says with that adorable British accent.

“My parents love you, they’re excited to see you.” I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his puffy coat. “Come on let’s get inside and get warm and go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” he concedes, craning his neck down to give me a quick kiss.

I grab his hand and locate the key under the rock my parents have always hid it under and unlock the door. It’s dark in their house but I can smell the food my mom started cooking early.

“Come on up the stairs,” I whisper leading Jonah.

“I feel like a teenager sneaking into my girlfriends house while her parents sleep.”

I laugh quietly. “Well there’s a few things wrong with that statement. Number one we aren’t teenagers and number 2 my parents are very aware of your being here.”

“I’m sleeping with you, right?” Jonah asks as we round the corner to my room.

“Unless you wanna go sleep with my parents?” I tease. “Yes of course you’re sleeping with me.”

“You’re parents won’t find it…unsavory that we’re sleeping together? Like in the same bed?” Jonah asks shutting my door as quietly as possible to my room.

I throw my bags onto my old bed and turn to face him. “Jonah, they’re pretty much aware that we’re together and have been for well over a year now. We’re also both adults and not 17. I think they’d find it odd if we didn’t sleep in the same bed.” I slide my shoes off. “Why are you so nervous?”

“I dunno,” Jonah runs a hand through his already disheveled hair. “I think I’m just a bit jittery from the plane.”

I walk over to him and slide my hands up his shirt. He tenses immediately. “Why don’t we take this off then and get you into bed so you can relax.”

“Y/n…” Jonah whispers. “Maybe I should sleep with clothes on.”

I arch an eyebrow at him. “You never sleep with a shirt on…at this point I don’t want you to sleep with a shirt on.” I roll my eyes. “Just relax, Jonah.” I stand in my tip toes and kiss him. I press my lips against his and automatically I want more. I open my mouth to deepen the kiss but Jonah stops me.

“What?” I whisper.

“You know what that kind of kiss leads to.”

“Yeah…and?”

“We can’t have sex in your parents house!”

I scoff and change into my oversized shirt I always sleep in, and crawl into the bed. I’m too lazy to brush my teeth I just need sleep. The jet lag is going to hit me hard tomorrow. Jonah enters the bathroom that connects to my room and I hear the faucet turn on and the toilet flush. Eventually, he crawls into bed with me and I’m happy when I feel that he decided to take his shirt off. He pulls me into him, and scoots against me, his arm holding me as he laces his fingers with mine.

“I love you,” he whispers.

I start to turn in the bed and be loosens his grip on me so he can hold me the whole time.

“I love you too.”

The next morning, I wake up and Jonah is already out of the bed. I’m shocked to see that he’s not even in the bathroom. I hear laughter downstairs and head in that direction. The smell of coffee hits me as soon as I open the door. I throw on the jeans I had on yesterday and throw my hair up into a messy ponytail.

I make my way downstairs hearing more laughter and…I’m pretty sure that’s Jonah talking.

“No see in England, we call them ‘indicators’.”

“Indicators?” My dad says and laughs. “Well I’ll be damned.”

I make my way down the last step and somehow draw both their attention to me.

“Good morning darling,” Jonah says from the sofa next to my dad.

My dad gets up and holds out his arms. “Y/n!” He pulls me into a tight hug and kisses the top of my head. “Nice guy you’ve got here,” he says to me.

“Yeah I like him a little.”

He lets me go and Jonah’s arm is already outstretched on the sofa for me to sit in front of.

“How’d this happen?” I whisper to him before kissing his lips quickly.

“What?”

“You being all chummy with my dad. Last night you were nervous wreck.”

My dad laughs loudly from the kitchen as he pours 2 cups of coffee. He sets mine down and sits on the recliner across from us. “You should have seen him this morning. He was looking for the shower and walked straight into mine and your mom’s room. Only thing was I was headed out so we smacked right into each other!”

Jonah laughs and shakes his head sheepishly.

“And me, totally forgetting you and your boyfriend would be here, I almost killed the guy! Had him in a headlock and all!”

“Oh my god, dad!”

“Luckily your mom saved him. Reminded me you and your boyfriend were probably here…I almost crushed his windpipe.”

I look at my dad mouth wide open and can’t help but laugh. “Jesus, dad.”

“Hey I may be old but your old man can still kick some ass…even if he is 6’1 and 20 years younger than me.”

My dad gets back up and goes back into the kitchen. “Jonah… you should have woke me up…”

“It’s fine really, I think he likes me.”

“He almost killed you.”

“But he likes me! And your mom said I was handsome,” Jonah blushes.

The rest of the holiday played out perfectly. My parents both love Jonah and asked us to extend our stay through the rest of the weekend. Jonah immediately said yes without even talking to me first.

My parents to go bed early and Jonah and I are washing up the dishes before we head to bed ourselves. I’m elbow deep in dish water when I feel Jonah directly behind me. He wraps his arms around the front of my body and pulls me back against him. His lips go to my neck and he’s kissing me so softly.

“Jonah…”

“What?” He says against my neck. His breath tickles my skin.

“You’re supposed to be drying the dishes,” I whisper this because his hand travels down my stomach then down my pants. My back arches into him as I feel his fingers against my panties.

Jonah hums into my neck. “Can’t focus on that right now.” His finger slips into my underwear and straight to my clit. “Already so wet for me,” Jonah whispers.

I shudder at the immediate pleasure that radiates through my body. My hands grip the counter as he traces delicate circles against my clit. My breath comes out in quick spurts and I desperately want to move my hips with the rhythm of his finger, but I know that’ll send me over the edge. I grab his wrist and pull his hand out of my pants. I turn to face him before he has a chance to protest. My eyes immediately go down to the evident bulge in his pants. It takes everything out of me not to get on my knees and suck him off. I can’t not here in the kitchen.

“Last night you were too worried to kiss me and now you’re fingering me in my parents kitchen?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

“I didn’t think you’d mind,” Jonah smirks.

He’s got me there. I want more.

“What’s gotten into you? I’m not complaining I’m just curious.”

“I think I was just so anxious I couldn’t focus on anything else than being anxious. Now all that is gone I’m just really…really-”

Cutting him off, I grab Jonah’s hand and lead him upstairs.

“What about the dishes?” He asks now whispering as we pass my parents bedroom.

“They can wait.”

Tags: @danielabetancourth @luna2034 @wandamaximoffbaewrites @twinkledinkleg-blog @justagirlwholovedtoread @nonsensical-nonsence @paramorelvrr @thedonswife13 @miniemonie2001 1 1 @jonahhauer-kingg @crazyyynyyyy

[runningupthatvecna]

the law of seat partners | part 3

part 1 | part 2

a/n: ok this chapter is honestly a wild ride from start to finish, really had to look into google maps to get the geographics right here, sorry if it's a bit inaccurate, the dimensions in the us are a bit difficult to grasp for my european brain lol. same goes for the bus interior and the structure of road houses. also this is gonna be super self-indulgent since i keep picturing eddie as someone with this wholesome, kind and super soft stray dog side of personality that you only get to see once you break through his shell and i'm basically just romanticising the shit out of him in this entire story. also i apologize if the whole part is a bit random, it's just that i didn't plan for this thing to even have more than one part lol. anyway, thanks for reading and please leave me comments and reblogs if you're enjoying this little series! there will be a part 4.

summary: you're still on that damn bus with eddie. he plays you some of his favourite songs and they turn out to sound really familiar. when you do finally arrive at the camp, you find yourself spending even more time with your favourite metalhead and he makes it just a bit more clear that he might really like you back. and yeah, everyone around you already seems to know.

cw/tw: first off i want to clarify that eddie and reader both are at least twenty! slow burn, mutual pining, friends to lovers overall, (brief) allusions to +18 adult content (minors go away!), sexual tension, lots of physical touch, reader being self-conscious, angst, not feeling good enough briefly, a bit of self-sabotage if you squint, a few more pet names, bestfriend!Steve being reader's rock once again, reassurance, eddie not committing a crime, no mention of y/n, no mentions of reader's physical attributes except hair.

-----

Lunch break acted as a reminder that the rest of your friends were also still there.

That's how lost you were getting with Eddie Munson and your legs in his lap.

The gang was once again standing in a kind of circle shaped form outside on the parking lot next to the bus. You had passed Chicago already a while ago and the blue sky hadn't exactly followed you to Wisconsin, but thankfully it wasn't raining either.

Without even thinking about it you had taken the position between Eddie and Steve.

Jonathan and Nancy were standing opposite of you, the former holding his beloved pentax in his hands, it dangling from his shoulder on a strap being the guy's default. Always ready to press the shutter, just so now.

Steve groaned a little, complaining about how his hair just wasn't looking good enough to be in a photo right now, but no one cared. As someone who loved taking photos – probably even more than the Byers boy – it was in fact one of your pet peeves whenever someone complained about having their photo taken. In your book, photos depicted memories. Why wouldn't you want to be in them?

"You gonna fill that film up today, Jon?", you asked with a grin, and the photographer just nodded.

"Alright, now that we caught Steve's mesmerizing beauty on film, anyone wanna go grab a bite?", Robin asked into the round while shifting her weight continuously from her toes to her heels and back, trying her best not to sound too desperate to get something between her teeth.

"Oh shit yeah, I'm dying", Steve replied after a quick yawn and stretch and the three freshmen boys agreed with heavy nods and exclamations of the words yes and finally.

Their boyish eagerness made Nancy chuckle just a little, and she continued by taking the hand of the older Byers boy and pulling him along with her, leading the way to the building for the rest of you.

Jonathan kept turning around every few meters to just take candids of everyone, trying to fill up the roll of film just so he could reload once you guys would arrive at the camp.

Everyone in the gang seemed to be willing to at least check out the offers from the shop, and like, get a slushie or something.

"M'lady?"

Eddie had squinted one of his eyes shut looking at you while holding his arm out for you to hold onto it, just so you both could follow the group.

"Oh, thank you good sir."

He was just a little taller than you, which made walking with your arm hooked into his quite comfortable.

You threw the knowing smile of his towards you right back at him.

And while you were following the rest of your friends, he leaned in to talk to you. Even more.

"Quite rude of Ms Kelley to interrupt our sacred listening session like that. I guess she just doesn't seem to value a good tune, huh?"

"We didn't even start the tape, Eddie."

"But we already had headphones on so we were about to, that still counts."

He poked a finger into your side while walking, trying to stop you from bringing another absolutely valid and logical argument to his silly remark, making you squeak and jump to the side a little instead, letting go of his arm.

You only could see Steve's head turn towards you, having heard your exclamation of surprise. More of his reaction was kept hidden from you though, since Eddie had decided to continue poking, so you were left with no choice but to run, giggling like a toddler.

"Eddieeee, stoooop", you yelled in a higher pitch than your normal voice, trying and failing miserably at the attempt to hide between Robin, Will and Lucas.

You could hear your friends laugh, the sight must have been hilarious.

There was no escaping Eddie the freak Munson.

You had almost reached the motion sensor of the front door when he grabbed you by the waist, pulled your back flush against his front and apparently felt no hesitation encasing you in his arms entirely. He let out a short, low hum at the feeling and it sent a shiver straight through you.

You were slowly getting warm at the frequency you were having physical contact with him, but having so much of his body touching yours in this way did not leave you unaffected in the slightest.

His embrace made your heartbeat speed up, but it also transported this really comforting, almost soothing wave of feeling protected.

And it had you yearning for him. And it was essentially confusing you.

"Say that I'm right", you heard his deep voice mumble, the side of his head pressed lightly against yours.

You could feel the warmth radiating from his body. The way he smelled. The way he held you tight.

Yeah, bye.

"Huh?"

You wanted your voice to sound equally low to his, but it didn't come out quite as such.

"Ms Kelley disrespects the law."

He couldn't be serious.

"Eddieeeeee!", you laughed at his silliness and the great amount of dramatics he put into his persistence with referring to his law of seat partners rule joke thing.

The long haired boy let go of you since the others had caught up. You just saw him grin at you, before Steve swung an arm around his shoulders, pulling his best friend through the sliding doors, while you felt Max grab your hand.

The road house your teachers had decided to stop at consisted of a restaurant, bathrooms of course and a small convenience store, the latter being the destination of Max and you, while the others ventured out into the restaurant, trying to find something warm and edible to stuff themselves with before they would join the both of you.

"Are you having a good time? With him, I mean", Max dropped at you, slowly strolling through the aisles of products that ranged from sweets over car supplies to toothpaste.

The widest grin was plastered over her face as she eyed you curiously.

The question surprised you a little. And maybe you hadn't really been aware of your surroundings for the last few hours, for obvious reasons.

"Hm? Oh yeah, he's being so sweet", you replied to your friend, "not sure what's gotten into him today though, he's never been like this."

Max gave you a questioning look, clearly asking you to elaborate.

"I don't know, I mean he's always throwing arms around me and stuff, but this, I don't know, this feels different", you continued, not being able to meet her eye, "I mean, he's always nice to me when we're around each other, but he seems so much m–"

"He likes you."

Max interrupted your sentence.

"What?"

"It's so fucking obvious. Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

I mean, yeah sure you had taken notice of the way he had been gazing at you with his baby cow eyes all day today. Actually, ever since he met you all those months ago, now that you're thinking about it. But why would you read anything into that?

You felt warmth spreading over your cheeks.

Did Eddie Munson really like you? Like that?

"He's just being nice, Max."

Only now you shot her a look, trying to tell her what you were too self-conscious, even anxious about to say out loud.

Guys never really seemed to see you as someone they could like. You were so used to the vast majority of them treating you as one of their bros, if they even treated you like anything at all, so when there was someone showing interest in you in other ways, it freaked the living hell out of you. To the point of denying yourself something potentially nice. Or more like, someone nice.

"Just nice? He is never that nice to me! I think you're just way too much in your head about this. You know you like him. And he likes you back, it's crystal clear to me, in fact, to all of us."

Wait. All of them? Had he talked to anyone about you?

Now you were the one giving her the questioning look, and before you could say anything, Robin popped up next to the both of you with a pair of wide eyes along with raised eyebrows.

"Okay, what are we buying, hm? I need more cookies, Steve and Jonathan ate all of them already", she informed you, walking off to find her restock of baked sweets, just as quickly as she had appeared.

You giggled lightly at the similarity of her and your snack situation.

Max only gave you a grin and a wink through her sky blue eyes before following Robin to the cookie section. The boys and Nancy returned from their feast not long after and you had tried your best to bring your focus to the task at hand: finding something snackable that wasn't too much of an overload, but also essential for the remaining time on the road.

Steve grabbed and pulled you away from the others on the way outside, back to the bus. The thirty minutes were almost over and no one wanted to risk being left in the middle of nowhere aka Bumfuck, Wisconsin, nor having a search party consisting of Ms Kelley and Mr Clarke out roaming the area.

"Hey there", Steve looked at you while walking by your side and throwing an arm around you.

He truly was your best friend and so you just happened to know everything about each other's lives. He had always been your rock throughout high school and mainly responsible for having you be part of the gang. He knew about your issues and always tried to give you advice.

You let your arm sneak around Steve's back, around the height of his waist.

"Everything alright with you, honey?"

You glanced up at him just nodding and he shot you a knowing look, before turning his head around to wink at someone.

The grin on his face widened before turning his attention back to you.

"Uh yeah, I'm having a good time, thanks for checking on me", you replied to him while holding onto the box of chocolates you had ended up buying.

"Munson treating you right I hope, yeah?", Steve inquired further.

You could feel your heart jump a little at the mention of Eddie's name. What you also could feel was the eyes of the long wavy haired boy on your back. He had run after Dustin who had pinched his ass on the way out and you just assumed they were a bit further behind you and Steve.

"A bit more than usual, yeah. I don't really understand why, though. Max said he likes me? But–"

A little frown now covered Steve's lightly freckled face.

You stopped. He stopped. And kept his arm around you. And then you sighed, when his big brown eyes found yours and the way he looked at you changed into a worried brow furrow.

"I think I'm terrified, Steve. I don't know how to behave around him seriously and I don't know how to handle all the affection. That's all so new and I don't want to disappoint him because he deserves someone who's able to give him everything he wants and he's already making himself vulnerable by letting someone in close like that and what if he's gonna realise that I'm just really weird for not being used to–"

"Hey, hey sweetheart, slow down", Steve put a stop to your little ramble, a soft tone to his voice, "you're overthinking. You like him, isn't that right?"

You just looked up at him, almost a bit teary eyed since you were realising a lot of things at the moment, and dealing with your own insecurities and issues was just not easy. Especially in a situation where you couldn't retreat or flee.

And then you nodded.

Steves frown shifted into a grin.

"Then there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Eddie right there is probably genuinely surprised that you're not shying or running away from him, like everyone else. Just look."

Steve pointed in Eddie's direction which made you turn your head. Next thing you saw was the metalhead chasing after Dustin again, both of them running through the group trying not to bump into anyone, all the way over the expanse of the parking lot like two headless chickens, his dark mane flowing in the wind which carried the laughter and giggles of the whole group over to you.

The sight made you laugh a little.

"I mean, not that he really ever tried to get close to someone, like, he doesn't have to try for people to be sort of intimidated and even scared off by him, but that's besides the point. Anyway, I just know for a fact that you could never disappoint him. I'm very sure he's gonna be fine adapting himself to your pace", Steve explained and then paused to take a deep breath.

"It's up to you of course, but I'd just hate to see you get in your own way just because you're too much in your own pretty, little head."

You had snapped your head around again, and Steve lovingly ruffled your hair a little, the way he always did when he tried to tell you that he'd always be there for you and the situation you'd found yourself in would turn out just fine.

You would be just fine.

Deep down you knew Steve was right.

"Yeah, yeah I know. You know how I can get sometimes", you replied to him, reciprocating the same look Steve was now giving you. The depth in his brown eyes was radiating warmth and it helped you calm down your racing thoughts. Steve had known Eddie for a bit longer and was closer with him in general, which was one of your reasons to believe the words of your best friend. In this moment at least.

-----

It was time for the tape.

You took off your shoes again and pulled your legs up to rest your feet on the barrier, this time right in front of you, facing more towards the window.

The boy next to you was still trying to catch his breath from shaking off some energy, pulling a squished paper bag with greasy spots out of the back pocket of his jeans and placing it on his lap, before he lost the vest and leather jacket. He then proceeded to sit down, take both of your headphones and held yours out to you.

"Alright, unlike Ms Kelley, let's obey the law again, huh?"

He let out a deep chuckle when you nodded with a smile.

"Oh hey, and I got you some extra fries, just in case you get hungry."

He handed the small paper bag to you.

Did he just carry fries in his ass pocket?

The thought made you snort.

Oh Munson.

"Did you pay for them?"

"Yeah of course I did. Is that all you think of me, sweetheart?"

There they were again. His dark brown doe eyes blinking at you all sweet, the purest form of Eddie he was willing to show you in this moment.

He was clearly letting you in. Showing himself to you. Letting you read his eyes, hoping you would take the hint which he secretly was yet too insecure to speak out.

He was the town's freak after all and getting his hopes up had never really turned out too positive for him. It had painfully taught him to better keep everyone at a distance.

It took every little ounce of willpower that you could find in yourself to not melt into a puddle, right there in that seat.

And if that wasn't enough already – him being thoughtful enough to think of you while devouring his own lunch – he pressed play on your walkman, before you could give him any sort of response to the fries situation.

The fact that the opening chords of Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears for Fears now filled your ears, your absolute favourite song, was sending you into another dimension.

How did he know your favourite fucking song? Did he ask Steve? He must have asked Steve.

He had asked Steve specifically about your music taste.

So many thoughts were flooding your brain at the same time, you were having trouble catching up.

The boy next to you just grinned at your visibly delighted reaction. And then he leaned in a little and you felt the heat once again rise to your cheeks.

"Is that good, that's a real good song, yeah?", you heard him ask, a very light sultry tone to his voice, after you quickly pushed one of your headphones behind your ear.

"Yes Eddie, immaculate choice right there", you praised him in a similar tone, before giving him a genuine giggle, unable to hide the way he was undeniably making you all flustered and earning another warm chuckle from him in return.

The way his cheeks turned into a beautiful shade of rose almost made your heart combust in your ribcage. At this point he was practically beaming with pride, reveling in the fact that he had elicited praise out of you. And it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

You lightly nudged your shoulder into his, which made him lift his arm, a gesture for you to lean into his figure.

"Come here, you."

That head of yours landed on his shoulder and you let him drape his arm over your torso like a seatbelt. A (still very) warm hand was placed between your waist and hip and you were pretty convinced it was going to burn a big hole right through the fabric of your shirt.

He just had to touch you, right?

His boldness however gave you enough of a confidence boost to return the gesture. At this point you needed to tell him, too. Make him feel the burn on his own skin. So you just hugged his arm, pulling it close and nuzzling the side of your face into the soft fabric of his hellfire shirt covering the skin between bicep and shoulder.

With every song you went on listening to, it became more clear than ever that Eddie Munson must really have gone all the way to Steve Harrington's house to ask him for a list of your favourite songs. Which he could then put on a mixtape. For you.

That's what you do for friends, right?

Yeah, right.

For a few songs you both just sat there in utter peace as you watched the landscape outside the window pass by. The wide plains of Wisconsin, fields of crops, forests, small gatherings of houses, farms, barns and horses and cows and sheep. The sky was slowly losing its light grey cover, which had you anticipating an actually nice sunset later.

He had leaned his head against yours, which made his warm breath trickle down the side of your neck down to your collarbone. And you had felt the goosebumps spread all over your arms underneath your longsleeve.

You were feeding off of the warmth radiating from Eddie's body once again, and the ringed hand on your waist had started rubbing up and down softly and slowly.

When Eddie felt you leaning more of your weight into his side, you could hear him let out a satisfied little sigh.

Every second of this part of your little road trip, whenever he tried to search for some form of physical closeness, felt like a fever dream.

And you didn't want to wake up just yet. How about never?

-----

Golden hour announced itself by coating the trees of the forest, the earthy paths for walking, the accumulation of dark wooden cabins and the water on the vast lake in gradients of yellow and orange.

Said lake would look more like the sea to you, it made little waves that were lightly crashing onto the shore of a small beach of a bay around which the camp was located, and it was so vast in fact that you were unable to see the opposing shore on the horizon.

You had just woken up from another nap which you had slipped into after one, two, you actually don't know how many hours of watching the endless fields and forests pass by through half-closed eyelids. Listening to The Romantics, New Order, Fleetwood Mac, The Cure, Genesis and of course Metallica, on Eddie's account.

Still surrounded by the warmth of his body, still tucked in between torso and arm. His hand however had sneakily breached an invisible barrier, now resting comfortably beneath the hem of your shirt on the skin of your waist. You didn't dare to check, but the hole in your shirt was certainly there now, burned through.

Even Ms Kelley's announcement of your arrival didn't bother any of you to move or shift positions. Or god forbid, separate your bodies.

You only slightly turned your head to watch Mr Clarke leave the bus in the corner of your eye, probably to head into the administration office of the camp with the intention to make your arrival known to the staff and to pick up keys for about 40 students.

From what they had told you pre-trip, you were gonna be sharing a cabin with Nancy, Robin and Max, since the plan foresaw keeping the middle schoolers separate from the older kids. And of course there couldn't be any cabins accommodating groups of mixed genders.

Which is precisely why Eddie was going to share his cabin with Jonathan, Steve and Dustin, while Lucas and Will had the honours to be joined in theirs by Gareth and Jeff.

Before letting you go to take the headphones off and gather all your things, Eddie's grip on your waist tightened a bit as he pulled you minimally closer for just two seconds, the vibration of his chest against your back telling you that he was humming softly.

You already missed him, and you hadn't even left the bus yet.

The structure of the camp was simple. There were ten cabins, each of them intended to accommodate up to four people comfortably. A row of them was spread out along the shore of the lake directly by the water. Another row spread out further towards the forest. Both separated by the same earthy pathway stretching and winding itself through the entire place, connecting the cabins to the rest of the camp. There were little houses with sanitary facilities not too far from the cabins, a little square with lots of seating opportunities intended for bonfires, barbecue and other gatherings, the office house, the beach further down the path past the cabins, and a pergola kinda situation with benches for mealtime and a corner with outdoor couches and further more cozy seating.

The cabin you were designated to spend your next 6 nights in was one of those directly by the water. Excitement spread through you at the thought of falling asleep to the peaceful sound of the lake water lightly hitting the shore at night and cicadas singing their songs after sunset. Frogs croaking and birds chirping away. The ambient background noise of a forest by the lake.

You had always been a dreamer.

"Top one's mine!", Robin exclaimed as she was the first one of you to enter, throwing her bag onto one of the top beds that were part of two bunks standing opposite of each other in each corner, a window with light beige and pastel floral curtains separating them.

You were loving the rustic atmosphere. The log aesthetic gave off the biggest summer cottage vibes, so taking in the interior of your small home for the next few days made you smile.

There were two closets with multiple drawers, enough space for accommodating clothing of four people.

The bag hanging from your shoulder landed on the bed below Robin's, while the other two silently agreed on Max above, Nancy on the same level as you.

The beds themselves were about the standard bunk bed size, nothing too fancy, but of course all wooden, fresh bedsheets folded into a neat pile along with a towel decorating the mattress.

While you were getting to making your bed (you knew that you'd thank yourself later), your mind started wondering if you could fit maybe even two people in there. For science, of course.

All of you had agreed to meet at the fireplace once everyone had dropped off their stuff, and when you and the girls arrived there, six pairs of eyes were already awaiting you.

The boys had probably just messily thrown their belongings onto their respective beds, not giving a flying fuck about pulling the covers over the duvets or maybe even taking power naps after the journey.

So yeah, night number one ended with all of you sitting by the fire that Mr Clarke and some guy from the staff team had set up. Conversations about everyone's most anticipated activities that were planned and scheduled for this week were held, your friends' former earth and science teacher telling stories about his first time field tripping back in the day.

Once again you were sat between Steve and Eddie, the metalhead's leather jacket around your shoulders, because he had insisted you'd take it. A sly grin on his face directed at you at the gesture, before turning his attention to the mutual best friend on your other side.

The younger kids had been tucked in by Ms Kelley already, since their curfew had been set to 9pm. Yours was at eleven.

You admired the multiple strings of fairy lights that had been hung into the lower maze of branches long ago, illuminating the earthy pathways throughout the whole camp to keep the kids from stumbling off into some bush or having to pull out flashlights.

At least until midnight, cause that's when the lights were going to be turned off.

-----

Your first full day at camp. The teachers had taken the whole group to a hike through the forest and up the hill at the end of the bay, overviewing the stunning scenery and you had taken a few moments away from everyone to take in the enormousness of the vision opening up in front of you.

Closing your eyes, you tried to wrap your head around the moment, taking a few deep breaths, feeling the freshness of the air surrounding you.

Slow down.

The sun made the deep blue of the sky reflect on the lake, a shimmer on the surface in the distance, sparse trees and bushes covering the top of the hill you were standing on, a bit separately from most kids.

The light brush of a hand against yours caused you to shoot open your eyes, jumping lightly at the sudden delicate yet profound touch.

"Uh, sorry I didn't mean to sneak up on you. I can also leave again if you want another moment to yourself?", you heard him say, an apologetic tone to his voice.

The rough facade now showed cracks.

Traces of softness, a great amount of empathy and hints of sensitivity were shining through them. He had always been a little more gentle with you than with everyone else in the group, but this telltale sign of trust he was instilling in you over the last hours? That was new.

So new. And so new to you.

Your head turned towards him, eyes squinting a bit because yeah, it was quite bright up there with almost no trees to throw shade, and of course clumsy you had forgotten your sunglasses on the little nightstand next to your bed.

"Eddie no, it's okay" was the only thing you managed to get out, brushing the back of his hand with the back of your index finger, in silent search for more contact, trying to support the words that had just come out of you.

It was just Eddie. You tried to remember Steve's words from lunch break yesterday. He's gonna be okay with adapting.

He turned his back on the sun, more towards you, and the light formed a halo around his head.

Given his reputation back in Hawkins, it looked hilariously absurd.

"Did you have a good first night?", you asked him then, in such a tone indicating your expectation of a sincere answer, while his shadow was covering half your face so you wouldn't have to stare into the late afternoon sun.

"More or less. You know how Steve snores", Eddie said before continuing his dramatic act, "plus, it was really lonely. I think there should be an additional paragraph in the law about an extension from bus seats to beds, you know? I think that would make a real difference and save me from eternal doom and misery."

He returned your previous gesture with his own index finger, his eyes finding yours, giving you a sheepish grin as your cheeks started imitating the colour of very ripe tomatoes.

Your entire body bloomed with electricity from just one light touch. If you didn't know any better, you'd say it was ridiculous.

Yes, there had already been touches that were way more direct than this, but there was something in the way and in the lightness of his touch now, that had your head spinning.

The lightness basically fuelled whatever this thing between the two of you was.

Ms Kelley's voice announcing the beginning of your descend ripped the both of you out of whatever moment you were having right there, and it sucked.

You could have stood there with him for the rest of eternity, if it meant being looked at by his warm, reassuring eyes, making you feel as if you were the center of the universe. It felt like his gaze was reaching the deepest corner of your soul.

And your brain started going 200 kilometers an hour, thinking about the allusion Eddie had just made. He was starting to consume your every thought at this point.

As a collective you managed to return to the deep green veils of the forest around an hour before sunset.

Slowly the day was coming to an end and since it had been a rather warm experience for everyone, the teachers had kindly granted you an evening dip in the lake.

High schoolers only though. Thank fuck.

Honestly, you probably would have gone for it anyway.

The beach included a small wooden pier leading into deeper water, which the boys delightedly acknowledged before using it to gracefully yeet themselves into the cold wet.

They also didn't deem it necessary to strip themselves of their clothes beforehand.

Too much enthusiasm and even more longing for relief from the day's heat and physical efforts. Who knew Michigan could be this warm already in May?

The girls and you had preferred to change into actual swimwear before joining the boys on the beach. A wise decision.

Because now you found yourself standing on the pier together with Nancy and Max, watching Robin follow Steve and dive in head first.

You were silently hoping the water was deep enough for her to not hit her head.

Next thing you saw approaching you on that pier was Eddie, dripping wet everything and soaked to the bone, some worn out jean shorts and dark blue Metallica shirt as well as his dark curls sticking to his skin like glue.

He left a trail of wet footsteps and sprinkles and splashes of water on the dry wood, grinning at you almost eerily and you threw him a similar glance back, because you knew he just wasn't anticipating your abilities to foresee the future when you jumped out of the way the second he started running towards you, trying to pull you into the water with him.

He landed face first, while everyone who had just witnessed that scene bursted into laughter, including you.

"You wish, Munson", you shouted at him and his poorly executed attempt once he had resurfaced, his appearance now reminding you of a wet poodle with his wet dark curls that were sticking to his reddened face, a piece of some green sweetwater plant decorating the top of his head.

You weren't ready to hit the water just yet, which is why Nancy and you decided to just plop down on the pier for a moment with crossed legs, while Max joined Robin and the boys.

Observing the scene happening in front of you, there were Dustin, Lucas and Jonathan, all of them fusioning their powers to swim after a screeching Will who was trying his best to escape being cruelly dunked by his brother and friends, Robin trying to stand on Steve's probably slippery shoulders while Eddie and Max were aiming for the same acrobatic performance.

Nancy next to you let out a chuckle at the sight before turning her head in your direction, "today was so nice, don't you think?"

With a nod you replied to her and leaned back on your arms behind you.

"Yeah it was beautiful! You just don't get those views in Hawkins."

"Yeah, absolutely not. The closest thing you're getting there is Lover's lake with a bunch of drunks fishing in their tiny boats, and that's about it", she paused, "are you in with us for the flower crowns tomorrow?"

Midsummer was still a few weeks away, but that didn't stop you from plucking and braiding.

You and the girls had been having this fantasy of spending this excessive amount of time in nature with flower crowns on your heads, inspired by Scandinavian summer solstice traditions. For weeks you all had been painting this picture in your conversations, anticipation bubbling up every time the topic came up. The picture of the four of you with the flowers of summer in your hair, in the deep green shades and distinct scent of the forest surrounding your every breath these days, had rented a big part of your mind, long before you had stepped on the bus, bringing you here.

"Hm? Oh yeah, definitely."

Losing yourself a little in the thought again, you hadn't yet taken notice of how two figures from the group of people in the water in front of you were missing.

You would learn soon, though.

Because before you knew it, a pair of strong, wet hands hooked themselves in the space of your armpits, lifting you up to stand, while another set of arms wasn't too shy to grab both your legs off the ground, wrapping themselves around your knees.

"Let's get you nice and wet, shall we?", you heard Steve's voice come out behind you in an absurdly husky tone, while–

"Time for your bath, princess!"

Eddie.

You were so taken by surprise, you couldn't even get anything in form of a verbal protest out.

The only thing you saw before your vision went black due to your reflexes was Eddie's mischievous grin between strands of his dark and wet curly mane, Steve's pearly whites being flashed at you equally prominent. Their laughter got muffled by the water invading your ear canals, and the sudden shock of the cold liquid surrounding every inch of your sun warmed skin was forcing a gasp out of your lungs.

When you returned to the surface, both of the boys held onto their bellies, high-fiving one another and still laughing on that pier like two fucking dipshits at you as well as at Nancy who apparently got to suffer the same fate as you, being dropped into the ocean mere seconds later.

With the back of your fingers you wiped the water out of your eyes along with strands of your hair that were clinging onto your cheeks for dear life, while you gathered back clear vision.

Unknowing to the two boys, Jonathan, Lucas and Dustin were currently in the process of sneaking up behind them. With big splashes both Eddie and Steve were forced to ungracefully breach the waves next to you, letting out equally surprised gasps for air before they had to instinctively hold their breaths.

You burst out into another laughing fit when the metalhead slowly appeared next to you just as soaked as half an hour ago, his hair now covering his entire face.

You took one stroke towards him while Jonathan and Dustin landed in the water not too far from you, shortly after being followed by Lucas and Max cannonballing their way in to join everyone.

The laughter and giggles filled the warm air, and you took both your hands to wipe Eddie's mane out of his face, just to reveal his brown chocolate orbs and a dorky smile, gazing at you from underneath.

The ground of the lake where you were finding yourself was close enough for you both to stand on, which made not sinking a lot easier.

"Thanks, sweetheart" was the only thing he brought out before putting a hand on your waist, pulling you closer before wrapping both his arms around your middle, while you responded by wrapping yours around his shoulders.

You thought he was going to bury his face in the crook of your neck with how close he was leaning in just now, connecting his lips to your skin, but all he really did was briefly running his nose over the side of your neck in an upwards motion. Giving you a little nudge while letting out another one of his hums.

It was almost like he wanted to do more than that, it was almost like you could feel him holding himself back. It was almost like you wanted him not to.

His warm breath hit the wet skin on your collarbone and it sent a slight shiver right through your system at the sheer thought of what exactly he was holding back.

And just when you felt him let go of you a bit more, you saw your chance at taking at least a little bit of revenge on him. For conspiring against you with Steve Harrington.

You placed your hands on his shoulders, found purchase on the ground, and your own weight forced him to go head below surface once again.

"Oh darling, that was an unwise decision", was all you heard before he returned the favour, his entire weight on yours as he drowned you beneath him, just before bringing one of his unnecessarily muscular arms around you to pull you back up again swiftly.

Soon after a few more dunks that you practised on Steve and Dustin, your swimming session came to an end when the sun had disappeared behind the trees and the sunset-ish colours of the horizon had faded into several shades of purple and blue.

After fresh showers that helped with rinsing off the lake water and smuck and sweat of the day, the older boys had decided to drop you off at the flower cabin, a nickname for your particular accommodation facility Lucas had come up with during the first bonfire.

To say goodnight or something.

Eddie held you in his grasp, pressed you into his chest for a second, letting you know that you meant something to him, shooting you one last glance, a hint of wistfulness in it, before disappearing surprisingly quickly into the dusk of the forest, towards the cabin he shared with the others.

You hugged Steve and Jonathan goodnight as well, the latter wearing a smirk on his face and you instantly wondered about the reason.

When you looked at your own pillow, you stopped wondering. A polaroid photo had been placed there for decoration, and you let yourself plop down on the mattress to inspect it more closely.

Jonathan had only recently started shooting polaroid in the first place, and the sun had delivered enough light for him to avoid using flash for this one, which had the colours of everything come out more natural.

The photo showed Eddie in his bus seat. You in yours, resting with his arm wrapped around you, his head on yours, both with your headphones on, both passed out. Steve, Dustin, Will and Robin behind you with widened eyes, tongues out and peace signs up.

Unable to hide the smile that spread on your face, you placed the photo on the little nightstand accompanying the bed.

Everyone knew. You knew. Eddie probably knew. But who would say it first?

-----

taglist: @josephfakingquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @spellbounddd, @imjuststeddietrashatthispoint, @mystars123, @gothmingguk, @kennafild, @chloe-6123, @michaelfuckinglangdon and @bakugouswh0r3

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @sleepyowlwrites

Who You Are:

M.J || She/her

I'm a relentlessly optimistic affectionate creative who will impart love to the world through whatever means possible, and this includes my writing. And it shows, because all my kids are either full of love or in desperate need of it.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Action, Adventure, Contemporary, Fanfic, Fantasy, Poetry. Young and New Adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Fantasy, it's always been fantasy. Even my contemporary pieces have trace elements of fantasy in them. I like having rules in my worlds, but ones that I made up instead of science or society.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Romance. I sometimes think about trying it, but I quickly turn away. There's nothing about romance that is fulfilling in a way that I couldn't find elsewhere. It's just not enough for me. I want everything else, everything in the wider love spectrum, all the kinds I personally treasure in my own life.

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

Anybody, but especially people who have emotions that refuse to be processed. I'm hoping to help them process those emotions through the lens of character. If a reader isn't ready for striking combinations of whimsy and weight, or unexpected feelings, then they might not jive with my stories.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Mental illness, friendship, hurt/comfort, the mortifying ordeal of being known, purpose, trauma, personal choices, siblings, raw depths of emotions, and shenanigans. One of these is not like the other. I like to put relatable qualities in fantastical realms and make it intimate. I want you to indulge, and I want you to think.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

Romanticized abuse or toxic relationships, romanticized mental illness or disabilities, fake redemption arcs, poorly realized characters or cheap twists, and sex. I'm entirely uninterested in sex. There are too many things I dislike to think of them now that I've been asked, but they're just preference. Don't backtrack on character growth for the sake of drama, please.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

That's a trick question. I work on multiple projects at once because that's what my brain prefers. My longest wip is 10 months old and my oldest is almost 7 years.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

I've always talked my thoughts aloud to make them make sense - my adhd doesn't think in sentences, so it can get very jumbled in my brain - and stories are an additional way of explaining the world or people to myself, or explaining myself to other people, or of explaining nothing but exploring the unnamed. I write because I feel these things anyway. Might as well share them.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

Since I was 9, so 20 years ago. The same reason as above, and also my mom said I was talented. I was decidedly untalented in various other areas, so I jumped on that talent and went for it. I do still think I'm talented but I'm a good writer because I kept at it. I have the skills now to back up the talent. It’s very gratifying.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

Anywhere, and I really mean it. I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting at a stoplight, or cleaning, or watch Chicago Med with my mom bemoaning the horrible writing and poof! Idea. It just comes to me. Little bit gift, little bit curse, really.

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

Hard to say. Everything. The ones that barely exist and the ones that don't make sense anymore. The poetry from 2010 that is simply terrible. The ones from 2020 that are full of grief. The stories that change form but won't leave me alone. The ones I just invented. I'm proud of of it for impacting me, the audience I write for first.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

No. Yes? It's not the only end goal like when I was 14. It's an idea I like to entertain. I'm currently happy just to be writing along with work.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

I'd like to self-publish first, and that means learning and doing new things, which I hate. I'm 29 and I still hate it. The upside would be more control, the downside would be more control.

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Least appealing is finishing. Most appealing is starting and middling. I'm also afraid of worldbuilding because it tends to squash my writing drive for some reason? I'm working on it.

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

It's pure chaos. I rubber duck until sentences settle like dew in the morning, and then I sometimes collect it to make tea, and sometimes I just watch it evaporate. Both activities are important. I write until I find a plot, and if I cannot find one, I will let the tea sit and grow mold. Sometimes I have to throw it out. Sometimes I recycle, plant flowers, and grow new stories. It's chaos. I love it.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

2018 - I converted from a kpop blog - I wanted to get back into writing original fiction again, and I wanted my writeblr to be my main. So. I did that.

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

How. Am I supposed to pick. Some? I found everybody from following a few people and seeing who they followed. I usually follow on a whim, and then make friends after. @zmwrites, @akindofmagictoo, @blind-the-winds, @oh-no-another-idea, @ink-fireplace-coffee, @avrablake, @chayscribbles, @mel-writes-with-her-dragons, @artbyeloquent, @writing-is-a-martial-art, @ashen-crest, I have at least 80 more people I could mention

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

Making friends and adopting each other's blorbos! And reading some truly excellent stories, obviously.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

Initiate interaction. If you want asks, send some, if you want tags, tag people, if you want readers, read stuff. There's no guarantee of reciprocity - I'm often too tired to respond enthusiastically even when I'm happy to see a post - but the more we engage, the more we are engaging. Wow, I'm a writer.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I try to send asks whenever I see people asking, I post prompts lists and invent tags. I start conversations and make friends that way. I could be doing more, but it’s a balance between doing more and not breaking my boundaries. I talk to people all day at work and expend social energy. As an introvert, I have to not overreach or I get anxiety and burnout. Life's a balancing act, and writeblr is no exception.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Tag games? It liberally depends on the day. I struggle the most with reblogging others' writing. But I'm getting better!

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Writing memes or relatability, or new tag games.

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

Not anywhere that I use frequently.

[theitgirlnetwork]

Better

Ch. 7: 772 Miles

Note: I'm lateeee but I'm here nonetheless! Thank you all so much for all of the love and support. I love all of the likes, reblogs, comments, notes! I hope you all enjoy this one. We're making some headway and I hope to have more out soon. Some people have asked me about a taglist, which I'm gonna be real, I don't know how to do, but I will learn and then I will add whoever wants to be added to it! There is an awkward entry to a little explicitness in here so MDNI fr. Feel free to skip that part if you are an adult and just don't want it, anything important that is discussed during it will be brought up again! Once again, thank you so much <3

Picture Lip Took of Charlotte at the museum:

“You know, I’m starting to get a little offended by how you’re not excited Kev and I scraped together the rest of the money to get you home.” V says, pushing into Charlotte’s bedroom, plopping onto the bed next to a pink suitcase. “Did you get a lock for this?”

Charlotte pulls her white top over her head, careful not to let her makeup smear onto her outfit and smooths her hair again. “I’m very grateful, V, I’m just gonna miss you and Kev.” 

“Bullshit, me and Kev.” the woman grumbles, helping smooth out the back of her cousin’s shirt. “It’ll be good for you two to spend a couple of weeks apart, cool off a little.” 

The younger woman sighs, slinging her bag over her shoulder and stopping briefly to look at her cousin. “I’ve got to go. You’ll have shipped me off to Virginia and away from Phillip by tomorrow, okay?”

V softens at the look on Charlotte’s face. The girl had been so excited to be going home for Christmas when she and Kev surprised her with the other half of the money. She hadn’t even minded buying a one way ticket, considering she’d be going for a couple of weeks. But as the date of her departure pushed closer, the excitement turned into sadness and worry. 

She would hear her and Lip in the room throughout the week, on the nights he slept over, mumbling reassurances, arguing in hushed tones, exchanging promises. V doesn’t like raining on her baby cousin’s parade, but if she doesn’t ground her, who will? Charlotte’s always been a dreamer, her parents treated her like a little princess, and for good reason. V would only see her when her mother would take her to Virginia, her auntie and uncle refusing to let Charlotte come to Chicago. They kept her sheltered from the rest of their family, even watching closely how she and V played together. So Charlotte was not very…experienced. She didn’t think twice about people asking favors of her, borrowing money, leering at her. She lives in fairytale land, expecting everyone to be kind, accept apologies, have good intentions. And V watches her cousin be absolutely devastated when the world proves her wrong. 

Now that Charlotte was getting older, it was important that Charlotte learned to care for herself, it was necessary that she learned how to live in the real world. V loves her cousin, so she volunteered to take on that project. It was never part of her plan to throw her into the deep-end that is Lip Gallagher. V feels personally responsible for the inevitable fallout that would come from this relationship. All she can hope for is that these next few weeks will let the two young adults fizzle out, and clear their heads.

“I’m not against you, Lottie.” V says. Charlotte turns at that, going over and pulling the other woman into a familiar hug. One that reminds them both of being little girls, seeing each other for the first time in a year.

“I know, V.” she whispers.

“It’s only a couple of weeks, babe.” The older cousin soothes, rubbing her hand over Charlotte’s hair. The two of them hear the front door open, and Kev’s voice starts filling the living room.

“Not a scratch on my baby.” They find Kev in the living room, towering over Lip, who’s simply looking forward, clearly spacing out and ignoring what the older man is saying. “Or Charlotte. And get her to the airport on time.”

“Got it. Total the car and make sure Charlotte misses her flight.” Lip jokes, standing and reaching for the keys, sighing when Kev pulls them away. “Alright, man, I’m kidding. Thank you for this.”

Charlotte saddles up next to him, throwing her arms around Kev, hugging him tightly. “Thanks, Kev. I’ll miss you! I’ll be back soon.”

Kev looks down at her, brows softening and sighing as he makes eye contact with V. “Sure, kid.” He says, ruffling her hair. “Get goin’, traffic.”

Lip and Charlotte make their way outside, V and Kev watch from their porch as Lip opens the passenger door, boosting Charlotte in before nodding at them and going around to the driver’s side. As the car pulls off the couple looks over to the porch next door, finding Fiona sipping a beer, shaking her head before nodding them over.

“Are you excited?” Charlotte damn near bounces next to Lip as he studies the map at the front of the museum, determined to map out a route that will keep them away from the exhibits he had deemed not worthy of their time. He drags his finger along the line he intends to follow, his other hand clasped in Charlotte’s.

“Uh, yeah.” he says, deep in focus. Charlotte just smiles as she watches him mumble to himself about the most time effective way to get them through everything. Yeah, he is, she thinks to herself, letting him guide her to the first stop.

This whole thing is not really Charlotte’s style. Most of the exhibits are focused around science and that had never been her thing. She had been more of a social studies and reading girl herself, those subjects told more stories than required her ability to understand formulas. But she was so fucking happy she’d bought these tickets. Even though his expression is schooled into a nonchalant, moderately interested look most of the time, she could tell from how Lip’s eyes light up. 

He’s been looking at her differently since that day in the park. At first she’d thought it was the tickets. Then she’d thought it was the fact that she was leaving for a while, but neither seemed to describe how those bright blue eyes study her. Whatever it is, Charlotte wants to keep causing that look. 

So she leans against his chest and listens as he points out the different parts of the submarine exhibit, attempting to describe the mechanics of putting together something he’d apparently researched in his own time.  She asks, she’ll admit, stupid questions when he tries to explain the physics behind one of the displays, just sticking her tongue out at him when he looks away, snorting before composing himself and actually answering her. 

She gives him space as he observes the portraits of different scientists of all areas, reading the little bios. Charlotte wanders to the side, finding a picture she finds a little interesting and stopping to read the little paragraph on the plaque beside it. The sound of a camera phone clicking makes her turn around and look at him. “Did you just take a picture of me?”

“You look pretty.” he smiles, stepping forward and pulling her into his arms. “Gotta add to my collection, have somethin’ to look at when you’re gone.” 

Charlotte looks up at him smiling crookedly, “You have a collection of pictures of me on your phone? What’re you obsessed with me or somethin’?”

“Nah, you just won’t fuck me and I gotta do somethin’ to help me and my hand along-ow!” he laughs when she punches his chest, wincing at his muscle against her hand. Lip wraps his arm around her shoulders, bringing her in for a kiss. “Yeah, I’m obsessed with you or somethin’.”

The tenderness of the moment makes the ache that formed in Charlotte’s chest as soon as she’d purchased the ticket throb. She sighs, scrubbing her hand along her watering eyes. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Lip groans, running a hand through his hair before cupping her cheeks, thumbs sweeping across her cheeks. “Stop, bunny, we said we weren’t doing that anymore. Because if you cry, I’m going to say something you won’t like, and then we’ll start fighting and shit and I don’t wanna fight right before I drop you off.”

“I can’t help it!” she whines.

“Don’t go.” he replies.

“Stop saying that!”

“Stop crying-” Lip glances around at the other patrons of the museum retreating toward the front, the speaker letting them know it was closing soon and Charlotte silently sobs dropping her face to his chest. “Bunny.”

“Excuse me, sir, we’re closing soon, you all should start making your way to the exit.” A security guard says, approaching.

“Yeah, okay just gimme a second.” Lip sighs, rubbing Charlotte’s back.

“And now I have to go to the airport.” she cries into his shirt. “And you’re gonna leave me there.”

“Sir-”

“Alright man, give me a fucking second.” The blond yells at the guard, who was still grumbling about them holding up the museum closing up. “Charlotte,” he says softly, pushing her away lightly, looking at her large, teary eyes. “Hey, hey, we’ll talk right? I call you, you’ll call me. And it’s only a couple of weeks right? You promised you’d come back in a couple of weeks.”

“I am.”

“Okay, then we’ll be fine.” Lip relaxes a little as the girl slowly stops crying. He wipes away the remainder of the tear tracks on her face. “Right?”

“Right.” Charlotte sniffles. “Okay, I’m ready.”

The car ride to the airport is a quiet one. Both afraid to upset the other, they sit silently as music plays lowly on the radio. Lip’s hand rests on Charlotte’s thigh, squeezing reassuringly every couple of minutes. One of her hands is on top of his, playing with his fingers as the large airport pulls into their sight and the sound of planes taking off fills their ears. 

Lip pulls into the drop off area and puts the hazards on, facing forward and watching other poor fuckers wave a somber goodbye to their loved ones and is embarrassed to say that this is about to be him. He never envisioned himself to be the ‘drive you to the airport, kiss you all over your face, call me when you land no matter what time it is’ type. But here he was, murmuring those exact words into Charlotte’s ear after doing the first two things. He takes a deep breath after releasing her from his embrace and letting her walk a little ways away before shouting in front of the rest of the travelers, staff, and his fellow sad fuckers,

“Aye, Charlotte, tell that pilot to fly safe, alright? My fuckin’ girlfriend’s gonna be on that plane.”

He laughs as the girl pauses for a second before shoving her suitcase into one of the employee’s hands and running toward Lip, slamming into him so hard his back hits the car as she kisses him. Onlookers aww at their display, causing Lip to turn a little red as Charlotte continues to kiss him before finally letting him take a breath. She leans in, nuzzling her nose against his, sing-songing “Boyfriend~” and kissing him again. 

Charlotte fully pulls away a second later, Lip lets her literally slip through his fingers as she backs away toward the terminal, laughing when she calls back, “No take-backs, Gallagher! You’re mine now! Better still want me when we’re not a couple of miles apart!” she jokes.

Lip’s bright blue eyes follow her as far as they can until she disappears into the building. “772 miles. A couple.” he snorts despite himself, climbing back into the car and pulling off, cursing when he realizes he’s gonna have to face the exit traffic by himself.

The next morning Fiona’s few hours of sleep is interrupted by the sound of pots and pans clattering. At first she’d sleepily rolled over, assuming that it was Charlotte starting breakfast for the kids. She shoots up when she remembers that Lip had dropped her off the night before at the airport so it couldn’t be her.

Creeping along the hallway so as to not wake her siblings she grabs the bat, holding it up, ready to strike in case it’s an intruder. Or Frank. When she sees a bunch of random drawers pulled out, and the pillows for the couch on the floor, she grips the bat, preparing to swing when she sees a man’s form, sifting through the drawers. “Get the hell outta my house, motherfucker-!” she yells while swinging, stopping just short of Lip’s face.

“Shit, Fiona!” he yells back, catching the end of the bat in his hand and lowering it. “What the fuck?”

“Jesus.” she sighs, dropping the weapon altogether and running a hand through her hair. Fiona pushes past her brother, starting a coffee pot before turning around to look at him. “What the hell are you doing creepin’ around the house?” 

“Lookin’ for the money for phone minutes. I need to use it on mine.”

“Sorry.” Fiona says, pouring a mug and passing it to her brother and repeating the process for herself. “That became the acid fund when Monica and Frank stole it last month. You already out of minutes?”

Lip curses his parents under breath, shaking his head as he gulps down the coffee, slamming the mug down when he’s done. “Awesome. Well, when was the last time you heard from uh, Steve? Think he’ll have some work for me I can do like, today?” 

“Really? You think work from Steve is a good idea?” Fiona asks, pulling out the frozen waffles and plugging in Kev and V’s toaster. “I don’t want you mixed up in his shit, I’ve told you that before. Anyway, no, sorry, haven’t heard from him.” Her brother scratches his hair irritably, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and putting it between his lips, leaning forward when his sister produces a lighter for him. “You didn’t come home last night. You go out after droppin’ Charlotte off?”

“Drove around for a little bit, dropped the truck off and uh, went on a walk.” he blows out the smoke, working his jaw. “Fuckin’ road the bus up to the college to talk to Youens, trying to see if I could get an advance on the next few weeks and all the fucker wanted to do was lecture me about finding another internship. Wouldn’t front me the money.” 

“Well, what do you need the money for?” 

“Don’t worry about it.”

Fiona observes her brother, watching the stress rolling off of him, tense shoulders, chain smoking, eye doing that twitchy thing it does when he’s upset. There was no question of what was bothering him either. He’s checked his phone at least three times since this conversation started. “She’s comin’ back.” She puts her arms around her little brother’s shoulders. “She call to tell you she landed?”

“Yeah the flight is only 2 hours and 7 minutes, she called me 3 minutes after that. And again once she got to the house.” He sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face.

“Little much, huh?”

“Uh,” Lip shrugs, embarrassed to admit that he felt the opposite, mumbling “Not really. I just uh, need some money to put more minutes on my phone, for the next few weeks. You know?”

Oh. Fiona thinks. She sees how miserable her brother looks and realizes she hadn’t really considered that he might be taking this seriously since this whole Charlotte debacle started. She and the rest of the kids are used to Lip getting himself wrapped up into semi-serious relationships, either thinking he’s in love or making someone else fall in love with him every couple of months. Each time something ruins it, whether it be his crippling commitment issues, nasty habit of cheating, unaddressed rage and on and off alcoholism, you name it. Or the occasional husband that the woman of the month has. It was shocking to think he’s run into that situation twice while he’s still so young, but Fiona couldn’t judge. 

She’s not sure what the nail in the coffin will be for Charlotte and Lip, and she still thinks that they’re a bad idea. But something about how upset the kid is makes her go into the coat closet, reaching up onto the top shelf and grabbing one of her old socks. She reaches in and produces a small wad of cash, dropping it into Lip’s hand. “It’s not much and I was gonna use it to get a jump on the heat bill for next month, so it’s just a loan.”

Lip looks down at the money before looking at his sister. “Yeah, okay, thanks.” He stands and gives Fiona a side hug, pressing a kiss into her hair. “Seriously, uh, thank you. I’ll pay you back.” He smiles to himself as he pulls his coat on, going to the door immediately to go to the store, pausing to look back. “I asked her to be my girlfriend by the way.”

As the door closes and she goes back to making food for her other siblings, Fiona wonders to herself what this go round will mean for her brother. And prays to whatever god that will listen that it’ll be something he can make it back from.

“And um, Kev and V are thinking about trying for kids soon. So that’s cool.” Charlotte shifts in her seat, trying to get comfortable. Her father doesn’t even bother to look up from his menu, his glasses low on his nose as he scans the booklet. Her mother offers her a small smile, putting up a finger and gesturing for her to wait. 

“That’s very good honey, just give us a second while we figure out what we’re getting.” 

The young woman nods, taking a sip of her water and looking around the restaurant. She hums quietly along to the instrumentals they were playing in the background. She’d told her parents that she didn’t need to go to a fancy dinner when she got home, that she’d prefer eating something at home with them, but they’d insisted saying they ‘didn’t know what type of nutrition she’d been getting in SouthSide with Kevin and Veronica’.  

“So you got a job?” Her dad finally asks as he snaps the menu closed, lifting his hand and summoning the waiter over with his finger. Charlotte hates when he does that. “Where?”

“Um, a restaurant, it’s actually pretty fun working there, Daddy, I like it-”

“He’ll have the filet mignon medium rare with the baked potato, none of the dressings, really, he has a cholesterol issue, don’t let them drown it in butter. I’ll have the snapper with a salad, we’ll share it, Charlotte, and she’ll have tomato soup with sliced broiled chicken and again…no butter.” Her mother cuts in. 

“Um, Mom-”

Her mother’s eyebrows shoot up, her eyes fixing on her. “What? Did you not want that?”

Charlotte wilts under the downturn of her mother’s lips, biting her own and shaking her head. Before the waiter can finish writing the orders her father is collecting the menus and shoving them into his hands. Both of her parents turn to her, who is mouthing a ‘thank you’ to the retreating waiter. 

“So Veronica is pregnant? And by that boyfriend of hers? Jesus, Carol what have you been doing?” her father groans, shaking his head in disappointment.

“They got married, Daddy.”

“I don’t remember going to any weddings. Or receiving any pictures of them in a church. Or hell, a courthouse. Veronica could be doing so much better. She’s such a beautiful, smart girl, always has been. Guess she inherited my sister’s habit of giving up opportunities to chase behind men from that shithole-”

“Victor.” Her mom mumbles, putting her hand over her husband’s arm. “Please, Veronica is doing us a favor helping out Charlotte, keeping an eye on her. Besides, she’s only in her twenties. She’s still got time. Now, Lottie, baby, what else have you done? Made any friends?”

Charlotte takes another gulp of her water, squeezing her phone in her lap as she thinks about how to approach this topic. “I um, the girls at work are really nice most of the time, so we talk. And V’s friends are great, like Fiona and her siblings. She has this brother Ian who’s really great and I have fun with him-”

“Not too much fun.”

She sighs, smoothing her hand over her hair she has slicked into a bun. “No, Ian is gay, Mom. He has a boyfriend. Mickey. Who is also…nice” Sorta. 

“Good.” her mom chirps.

Taking a breath, Charlotte’s mouth opens and closes as she fights with herself internally. She missed her parents so much. She was reunited with them after being apart for the longest time, and she doesn’t want to ruin it. But she knows what they’ll say if she tells them about Lip. How they’ll act. What they might do. But then she reminds herself of the whole point of her moving to Chicago. She was supposed to be growing the fuck up, and that included telling her parents she was was in a relationship. “And I’m, now I’ve-”

“Have you found a doctor out there yet?” Her father’s question takes all of the wind out of Charlotte’s sails. She immediately deflates, looking down at the table and huffing out a breath in irritation. “Baby, it’s important. I’ll look up some names and give them to you before you go back in a couple weeks. Don’t let me forget okay?” 

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Good. Now, I wonder how long it’s gonna take for us to get some damn food.”

Charlotte hears her mother head out for the day, the front door closing and immediately dives for her phone. Her dad had gone to work early that morning and for the first time in the two and a half weeks she’s been home, she hasn’t been home alone. 

It was cute at first. Watching movies with her dad, baking sweets with her mom. Going to the mall together, church, the country club that she’d always hated because they were just barely rich enough to go and her parents always felt the need to overcompensate. It was embarrassing to say the least. And Charlotte was tired. 

But most of all, she missed her boyfriend.

So she runs up the stairs to her childhood room, closes the door and flops on the bed, dialing her new favorite number.

Lip picks up on the second ring, and a smile spreads across her face as soon as she hears the familiar, “Hi, baby.”

“Hello, boyfriend, you busy?”

“Uh…” On Lip’s end he’s balancing the phone between his cheek and his shoulder, his hands busy with hurriedly unscrewing the rims from an expensive car that someone made the arrogant choice of parking too close to the line where SouthSide begins. “No.”

“You sure? What’re you doing?”

Lip grunts as he loads the rims into Mickey’s trunk before closing it, slamming it closed and patting the back, letting him know he was good to pull off. “Just got finished stealin’ the rims off a car.”

Charlotte sits up abruptly, eyes widening. “Really? Phillip-”

“‘M kiddin’ bunny. I’m just headin’ home, how have you been?”

“Since we last talked this morning? Missed you, got my nails done with my mom, had lunch with some girls I used to cheer with, missed you some more, called.” she shrugs. 

Lip smiles at that, keys jangling in his hands as he pushes into his house, mouthing a ‘hi’ to Debbie and taking Liam from her arms. “Yeah? Your other boyfriend not keepin’ you entertained?”

“Now, if I play along, you know it’s like you pissed yourself off right?” Charlotte says. 

Liam’s head lifts at her voice and he starts trying to take the phone. “Who’s that? Who’s that, buddy? Baby, say hi to Liam.”

“Hi, Liam!” she says sweetly. “I miss you!” making kissing sounds into the phone.

“Lottie!” the little boy giggles, blowing a kiss back.

Lip places his brother in his playpen and rubs his head before walking up the steps. “Okay, enough of that, you wanna keep talkin’ to Liam, you better call his phone. Or better yet, come home.”

“I’m working on it. I talked to my Dad today about some return flights earlier this morning, so we’re making progress. Before, he wouldn’t even let me work it into conversation.” 

“Yeah, I guess that’s somethin’.” Lip sighs, closing his room door behind him and sitting on his own bed. He’s been trying to be as patient as possible, especially since he didn’t know them, but Charlotte’s parents were doing exactly what he’d thought they’d do, drag their feet on sending her back. Hell, it’s what he would do. It took every ounce of selflessness he had, which was not much, combined with the fear of what V would do if her money was wasted, for him not to purposefully make her miss her flight out there. He’d understand them never wanting her to come back. But it’d fucking suck for him. 

Charlotte hears the other side of the phone go quiet and knows Lip is worrying about the same thing she was last week. What if her parents changed their minds? What if they decided they didn’t want her moving away, regardless of whether V was checking on her or not. “Careful, Gallagher, I might think you miss me or something.”

“You’re funny.” he scoffs, staring at his ceiling. “And I do.”

“Well, how’s that photo collection working for you?”

“It’s uh, a lot more effective when my bed smelled like you, but the pictures are pretty fuckin’ hot, so, s’working pretty well.”

Charlotte feels her cheeks heat up and rolls her eyes as if he can see her. “They’re mostly candid shots of me walkin’ around your house or mine, they can’t be that hot.”

“They’re of you.” Lip says matter of factly. As if it wasn’t something to be discussed. Just a fact..

The woman shifts again, playing with the strings of her hoodie absently as she mutes the phone briefly, Lip’s quiet breathing on speaker in her room as she sorts out what she’s gonna say next. Taking the phone off of mute she takes a breath, gathering her courage. “So, does that mean you don’t need any…help?”

She sits, staring at her phone nervously as she waits for his reply. There’s a beat of silence that makes her stomach twist uncomfortably until it dissipates at the sound of Lip’s laughter filling her room.

“Are…are you trying to initiate phone sex with me?” he wheezes, cackling into the phone. Charlotte yelps, taking the phone off of speaker and putting it to her ear.

“Fuck you, not anymore!” 

Lip smirks to himself on the opposite end, trying to choke down his laughter. He wasn’t laughing at her per se. Well, actually, he was a little. But aside from that, the fact that she was nervous was what made him laugh. The irony of it all. Lip had been all but begging her for a crumb of pussy since he’d met her. Once they had gotten to that weird limbo of pretending to be just friends, she’d opened the door to making out and heavy petting, but Lip was letting her take the lead. Even now, he never wants to push, he’s always pushed, but now, he was happy with what they were doing. Well, not actually, but he was willing to wait for her. 

The fact that she’d be hesitant, or think they live in some kind of alternate universe where Lip might not want it, was hilarious. Either, she doesn’t know him very well, or his girl doesn’t know how sexy she is. Both options seem ridiculous.

“No, I’m sorry, come on, set the mood, bunny, m’ready.”

“No,” she whines, “I already don’t know how and now you’ve laughed at me. You fuckin’ do it.”

He chuckles lowly again as he pushes off of his bed to lock the door. “Well, I really miss you. I miss seeing you. Touching you. Waking up to you in the morning, being on top of you.” Lip listens for the change in Charlotte’s breathing, trying to focus on the task at hand and not let this end almost immediately because he’s envisioning what she’s going to be doing on the other end of the phone. “Take your pants off for me, bunny?”

“Already did.” she breathes. “And if you laugh, I’ll hang up.”

Lip starts undoing the buttons on his own pants, nodding as if she could see him. “Nothin’ to laugh at. Good job, baby.” A sound on the other side of the phone makes his brows go up as he spits into his hand. “Yeah? You like me tellin’ you how good you are? Gotta talk to me, sweetheart.” 

“I miss you too, how you take care of me,” Lip bites his lip and takes himself out of his boxers as she whimpers into his ear. “Kissin’ you.”

“Fuck.” Lip groans quietly, rubbing his hand along his dick, smoothing his thumb over the tip, sweeping over the precum forming there. He hears every lilt in Charlotte’s voice as he feels himself already building. He keeps trying to remind himself to talk to her, trying not to be too dirty because he doesn’t know her style yet and not just moan into the mic. He grits out praises lowly. ‘Good girl’ ‘C’mon baby’ ‘So fuckin good, so fuckin’ sexy’.

But he keeps being distracted by the sounds that she’s making, the sound of his name. He’s never been so thankful to Monica and Frank for naming him Phillip because the sound of that name rolling off of his girlfriend’s tongue could make any man nut. 

He hears her voice pitch even higher and he knows that she’s close. That delicious pressure is building in his lower stomach and sinks his teeth into his lower lip. “K-keep talkin’ baby, a little more, let me hear you bunny. You takin’ care of yourself over there”

“Yes, fuck Phillip, m’gonna cum.”

Shit does he want that. He’s never wanted anything more. But then that goddamn number starts floating around in his head. 772 goddamned fucking miles. Fucking two weeks. No, don’t think about this now. Focus. He begs his own mind not to piss him off. Sweat slides down his temple as he tightens his grip on himself and lets her whimpers ring in his ears. Lip groans, pleading with himself not to miss this opportunity. Something is fucking missing. This isn’t fuckin’ enough. I need…I fucking-

Lip puts his phone on speaker, Charlotte’s cries fill the room and he literally edges himself as his fingers fumble with his phone in his free hand. Blue eyes light up as they find what they’re looking for. “Okay, come on baby, cum with me.” he grunts.

Lip’s abs clench as he comes into his hand, trying to contain the mess as much as possible and muffle his moans so his siblings can’t hear what he’s doing. He settles into a groan of Charlotte’s name, biting back following it with three words that have been rattling around in his brain for a while now. He tries to commit the sounds Charlotte is making to memory, feeling pride in his chest at knowing he caused it, and a paired feeling of emptiness knowing he couldn’t pull her to him now that they’re done. 

Sitting up, he reaches on the ground, grabbing a discarded t-shirt, wiping his hands off on it and putting it back on the floor. 

“Phillip?” a small voice calls out. His attention is brought back to his phone, briefly smiling at the picture he’d left open on it before frowning again as he hears something strange in Charlotte’s voice. “Are you still here?”

“Yeah, m’still here, bunny.” The weakness of her voice forces a softness into his own. 

“Can we talk a little now?”

“Yeah, yeah, I can talk to you.” Lips says, furrowing his brows at the sound of Charlotte’s voice. There’s a meekness that makes his stomach drop as he scoots up on his bed, suddenly feeling the need to both cover himself and rob someone for the little bit of money to buy a ticket to fuck ass Virginia. “You okay, baby?”

A shaky breath is released on the other line and there is silence for a moment, the blond pulls the phone from his ear to check to see if the call disconnected, hurriedly placing it back when he hears her again. “M’fine. I…um, like that you call me that. I like bunny too.”

Lip releases his own breath as he hears her voice become a little more normal, letting himself smile again as he lights a joint. “I know you do.” 

“So fucking full of yourself.” she giggles, the sound making Lip feel like the sun shining directly into his room. 

“Aye, watch your mouth. You must have some bad influences out there, what happened to my sweetheart?” he says, trying to light the blunt quietly.

“You curse every other word.” she hums. “But, I was thinking.”

“Interesting.”

“Phillip.” 

“Okay, sorry, Charlotte, go.” He snickers, reaching for his ashtray on his nightstand, flicking ash and relighting the blunt. Lip grunts, pushing off of the bed, unlocking the door and peaking out to listen to hear if Liam was crying, satisfied to close it again when he isn’t.

“You need a nickname,” Charlotte says, the sound of her rustling around in her own bed making its way through the phone. “I’ve got like five. Baby, sweetheart, bunny, sweet thing, and the mean one-”

“Woah, what do I call you that’s mean?” 

“Um, brat?” she snarks.

Lip rolls his blue eyes, settling back on his bed, unable to contain the smile on his face. “That’s not one of your nicknames, that’s more like an uh, assessment of your behavior.” 

“Regardless! I wanna give you a nickname. How about Lippy?”

His lips curl in disgust, the actual shock at the name making him cough on the smoke, breathing it out through his nose. “Yeah, I will not fuckin’ answer to that.” 

She laughs again mumbling a, ‘yes you would’  and Lip is irritated by the fact that despite fucking hating it, he would answer to whatever she called him as long as she kept calling. “Pookie? Pooh Bear?”

“Am I Liam?”

“Bubba, or bubs, or bub! For short!”

“What happened to boyfriend, huh? You liked that?” he groans.

“Boyfriend isn’t going away.” Charlotte says, and Lip can basically picture the smug smile on her face she always makes when she’s about to get her way. “He’s just gonna be joined by bubba.” 

The blond is humiliated by what he’s become. Cringing to himself he prays to any god that will listen that Ian and Mickey never manage to hear Charlotte chirp out his newfound pet name and mourns the version of himself that would never let a girl call him anything but Lip. “Bubba, that’s what you like?”

“And babe. Mostly bubba and boyfriend. What’d you think I was gonna call you? Daddy?” she says in a playful seductive voice. Unaware that on the other side of the line her boyfriend was adjusting himself.

“Not unless you’re down to go again.”

“Hmm, unfortunately my mom should be home soon.” Charlotte sighs. Lip immediately feels that ache in his chest again, never really thinking about the lows of her hanging up that come with the highs of their phone calls. “I miss you, bubba.”

He nods as if she can see him, mouth opening and closing, he wills down the want to beg her to stay on the phone. “Miss you too, princess. You forgot one.”

“That one’s Mickey’s.” she laughs.

“Nah,” Lip says softly into the phone. “They’re all mine.” 

The couple reluctantly hangs up and Lip’s head is racing. Full of thoughts of Charlotte, distance and new territory. He’s never been here before. He doesn’t know how to navigate being the type of boyfriend Charlotte deserves. He doesn’t think he’s ever been a boyfriend before, and now he was going to have to be a long distance one?  He couldn’t do this. He needed her to come home. Charlotte needs to come home.

He’s shaken from his thoughts by the sound of his phone vibrating again. And because he’s fuckin’ whipped now, a smile immediately spreads across his face as he grabs it without looking, happy that Charlotte missed him enough to call back so fast. “Missed me already, bunny?”

“Oh..um, is this a bad time, Phillip?” 

Lip pauses, unable to register what’s happening as he holds the phone against his ear as the only other woman he’s ever let call him Phillip waits for him to say something. Anything. 

“Phillip?”

“Helene?”