#but on here its okay this is my lawless place

[fawnforevergone]

The Ultimate List of Dante References in Hozier's "Unreal Unearth" !!

Hello and welcome to my new-and-updated ultimate compilation of all 'Inferno' references I found in Hozier's new album! If I think of anything else, or if anyone else suggests something, I will be sure to add it, but, for now, enjoy this ridiculously long (you've been warned) list I made!

Since I didn't wanna make a post for every individual song and spam you all, the songs are separated by their respective circles! I hope that organises stuff a bit more :]

Usual disclaimer: I could be wrong about some stuff! I've read 'Inferno' and try to stick to the objective references, but sometimes I let subjective interpretation bleed through. If anyone has any corrections for anything, just lmk!! Okay, cool <3

DESCENT:

"De Selby (Part 1)"

We start the album not in the circles, but instead at the Gates of Hell. One of the main themes of Inferno is darkness, and these first two songs are embodiments of that.

The lyrics mention the idea of this being a "new empty space", suggesting that Hozier is being introduced to the feeling of Inferno through the relationship he's singing about, and, so, we begin the descent.

"The likes of a darkness so deep that God at the start couldn't bear." God is obviously a large theme of Inferno and is, biblically, the creator of light, hence the absence of it in Inferno. In fact, the first three stanzas all reference the heavy darkness of the threshold and its estrangement from God.

The Irish/Gaeilge lyrics roughly translate to: "Although you're bright and light, you arrive to me like night fall. You and I, together. You and I, metamorphized. Although you're bright and light, you arrive to me like night fall. The art of transformation is a dark art." The imagery of light and dark mixing together mimics the idea of walking from the brightness of Earth into the darkness of Inferno.

This entire album appears to be the recounting of a relationship and how it feels like walking through Inferno. Here we see the beginning of this relationship, of Hozier losing himself to the threshold.

"De Selby (Part 2)"

Part one appeared to be the step through the gates, whereas part two seems to be Hozier being enveloped by the threshold. In 'Inferno', Dante says the entrance to Hell is a darkness that no stars could shine in. We hear this shift from Earth to Unearth through the production alone; the weightlessness of part one falling into the heavy grunge of part two.

"Your heart, love, has such darkness, I feel it in the corners of the room." The theme of dark continues, as it will through the entire album, but, this time, Hozier feels it radiating from within his lover rather than the space around them. Though, him saying his lover carries darkness is not an insult. This extra depth to his lover is something more to know, something more to love. This idea actually differs from Dante, who sees the darkness as deceitful.

"I want to be so far from sight and mind." Inferno is a lawless place. He would be far from sight due to the darkness, and far from mind due to the insanity that persists within the circles.

"Let all time slow, let all light go." This lyric shows me that he has been submerged in the threshold. Again, the lack of light, but also the slowing of time. Punishment after death is eternal, something that time has no grasp on. Hozier is willing to let these aspects take a hold of him.

"I'd still know you not being shown you, I'd only need the workin' of my hands." Christianity is a heavy theme of Inferno, and this lyric plays on the proverb 'Idle hands are the devil's workshop', a proverb Hozier also hinted at in his song "No Plan" (from 'Wasteland, Baby!') - "My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand."

Now, though, Hozier's hands aren't idle, instead the opposite, his hands are working as God intended. Drawing us back to that idea we were given at the end of part one, we get the feeling that Hozier is bringing something light/Godly to Inferno, and he and his lover are fusing the ideas of Heaven/Earth and Hell.

FIRST (LIMBO):

"First Time"

We now enter circle number one, 'Limbo'. Limbo is an uneventful circle for those not worthy of punishment but also not fit for Heaven. It is mainly for those who do not believe in God, the unbaptised.

Firstly, to get to circles, Dante and his guide, Virgil, must be chaperoned by the Greek Psychopomp Charon down the river Acheron, and we see that in Hozier's first couple stanzas.

"And the soul - if that's what you'd call it, uneasy ally of the body - felt nameless as a river, undiscovered underground." This appears to be Hozier mentioning the river Acheron, one of the five rivers of the Underworld that surround Hades, and, in 'Inferno', are used to transport the souls of the dead to their respective circles.

"The first time that you kissed me, I drank dry the river Lethe." The river Lethe is another one of the five rivers, and is one that causes anyone who drinks from it to forget everything they know. Hozier is simply saying that kissing this person wiped his mind clean, similar to the end of "De Selby (Part 1)" where he mentions partaking in a transformation.

"Some part of me died / Some part of me came alive the first time that you called me 'Baby'." Relating to the previous quote, souls that drink from the river Lethe usually do so before being reincarnated, so they forget their past life. Hozier seems to experiment with the idea of being reborn by his partner's love for him - an idea prevalent throughout his entire discography.

"To share the space with simple living things, infinitely suffering, but fighting off - like all creation - the absence of itself." This lyric tells us that we should not ignore the privilege of living just out of the fear of dying. This lyric is reminiscent of "All Things End" and the circle of Heresy. Since Limbo is home to those who don't believe in God, the theme of Heresy is a very fitting one.

SECOND (LUST):

"When I was young, I used to guess 'Are there limits to any emptiness?'" The punishment for those in Limbo is to exist eternally with the curse of a hollow, empty feeling meant to represent the lack of God in their lives. This punishment seems referenced in this lyric.

[ i ended up thinking about this song more so if you want even more "first time" content, here ya go: "first time dante references." ]

"Francesca"

Into circle number two, 'Lust', we have the story of Francesca Da Rimini, a woman Dante spoke to during his visit to circle two. Francesca fell in love with her husband's brother, Paolo, and when her husband discovered the affair he murdered them both.

Hozier seems to be singing from the perspective of Francesca/Paolo but throughout the album we see Hozier liken his lover to aspects of Inferno - darkness in "De Selby (Part 2)" or Lucifer in "Unknown / Nth" - so the story of Francesca and Paolo is fitting as another metaphor here.

"Do you think I'd give up? That this might've shook the love from me?" Even in Hell, Paolo and Francesca physically cling onto another. They do not let their death affect their love.

"My life was a storm since I was born. How could I fear any hurricane?" The punishment in Lust is an eternal storm meant to replicate the throws of passionate love - a storm also depicted in the production of the end of this song. Hozier/Francesca/Paolo says that it's impossible for them to care about this punishment when life was already as treacherous as it was.

The whole chorus emphasises the imagery of Francesca and Paolo not being able to let go of each other.

"When the heart would cease, ours never knew peace. What good what it be on the far side of things?" Francesca and Paolo lived their love secretly and anxiously, so what good would peace be in the afterlife when they've already become accustomed to difficulty?

"Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I." In the opening songs of the album, Hozier describes his lover as darkness, akin to something God cannot bear. Due to the depth of his lover, the mix of light and dark they've made, he believes Heaven would crumble beneath the weight of their relationship. That something as corrupt as Inferno is the only place suitable for them to live.

"I, Carrion (Icarian)"

Still in circle two, Hozier plays on Dante's own metaphor. In Canto 17, Dante refers to his own dread of descending Inferno to the same dread that the 'ill-fated Icarus' must've felt on his fall from the sky.

Hozier twists this, instead comparing his love to the hope Icarus must've felt as he flew towards the sun. He said, during a live show, this song is based on the idea hat Icarus never realised he fell, and woke up dead, too clouded by joy to realise what had happened.

"If the wind turns, if i hit a squall, allow the ground to find its brutal way to me." Again, we mention the storm of circle two. Lust is also said to have treacherous terrain - sharp rocks and jagged stone - that seems to be hinted at in the second half of this lyric.

"While you're as heavy as the world that you hold your hands beneath." This imagery seems reminiscent of the Greek Titan, Atlas, who holds up the Earth on his back. Dante talks about seeing Titans and Biblical Giants at the transition point of circle eight to circle nine, 'Fraud' to 'Treachery', which makes this lyric a sad hint to where Hozier will end up finding his lover; Taking the place of Lucifer in the deepest part of Inferno.

THIRD (GLUTTONY):

"Eat Your Young"

We enter the third circle of Inferno, 'Gluttony'. There are no specific references to Inferno, but the concept of gluttony is apparent. Hozier does what he frequently does throughout this album; He refuses to see the sin as "right or wrong" as Dante so stubbornly implies.

Hozier often divulges in a grey area, a spectrum or sale of severity, when it comes to the sin. Hozier's perspective seems more nuanced than Dante's, seeing sin as layered rather than objectively bad. In this specific song, he displays the different sources of hunger in humans, and where the line should be drawn.

"I'm starvin', darlin', let me put my lips to something, let me wrap my teeth around the world." We start, and reference back to in verse two, a sexual hunger, a harmless passion between two people. This is an innocent side of the sin, not deserving of the punishment of Lust which is to be ripped apart by Cerberus (the three-headed dog from Greek mythology) for all eternity.

However, Hozier moves onto the hunger of politics.

"Pull up the ladder when the flood comes." The government refusing to help the people when the sea levels rise.

"Throw enough rope until the legs have swung." When you don't have a ladder, you use a rope. This lyric plays on the notion of when governments give the impression they are helping, but are only making things worse - a take on the saying 'Give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves', since what else are they meant to do with it?

"Skinnin' the children for a war drum, puttin' food on the table selling bombs and guns." The hunger for power manifests in war.

"It's quicker and easier to eat your young." Here, Hozier uses the common saying in a more literal sense, saying that if these politicians are hungry enough to destroy the world, they may as well physically eat their young, since it'll have the same effect.

FOURTH (GREED):

"Damage Gets Done"

This song takes place in circle four, 'Greed'! The title of the song alone is already very meaningful. In circle four, the main punishment is that the inhabitants are split into two groups and are forever forced to charged into each other and fight. Dante describes them are being so injured and damaged that they have become 'unrecognisable'.

The song is about greed within the changing of the world. It's about growing up and losing the naivety and innocence you once had, no longer able to ignore the burden of politics and money. Hozier and Brandi sing about the excitement of being young and in love, but, with the rise of inflation, it's hard to exist like that anymore - You need greed to survive.

"Wish I had known it was just our turn being blamed for a world we had no power in." This seems to be a reference to two things. One, the idea that governments blame the people for their own poverty, and Two, the idea of arriving in circle four by no fault of your own. It's not their fault they wanted more money with the world being how it is, but, nevertheless, they're being punished for it.

"I haven't felt it since then. I don't know when the feeling ended, but I know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done." They talk about the enjoyment of the love they're singing about fading, and how they miss that, but they know that, again, this is not their fault. They know they didn't change, the world did, and they won't take responsibility for their 'sin' when all they did was adapt.

As aforementioned, the inhabitants of the fourth circle suffer extreme injuries, so Hozier saying "I know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done" is him saying "I know that we are not at fault for being served the punishment of Greed."

FIFTH (WRATH / ANGER):

"Who We Are"

We enter the fifth circle, 'Wrath', where the inhabitants spend their time fighting to stay at the surface of the river Styx, another one of the five rivers of the underworld.

"Falling from you drop by drop." / "To hold me like water." These lyrics obviously give the idea of water, representing the river Styx.

"Or, Christ, hold me like a knife." This lyric comes in quite loudly, Hozier's voice strengthening with it. The subtle blasphemy of "Christ" and the violent imagery of "knife" comes across as a sort of anger. Being held "like a knife" is representative of how those is Wrath must feel - like they are something particularly dangerous, but still desperate to be held.

"We're born at night, so much of our lives is just carving through the dark to get so far." Again, this theme of darkness that is so frequently displayed in Inferno is mentioned again. After this song comes "Son Of Nyx", which Hozier said was the transition into the darker half of the album, and Nyx is the Goddess of the Night. Being "born at night" would make Hozier the son of the night, the son of Nyx. This gives the impression that, if the album is following on chronologically, this is the point where the relationship portrayed in the album begins to fray as Hozier starts to be consumed by the darkness.

"And the hardest part is who we are." Those in the circle of Wrath possess a 'savage self-frustration' that Hozier seems to represent throughout this whole song - A fierce annoyance with the way he and his lover let things go: "We sacrificed, we gave our time to something undefined", "Chasing someone else's dream", Etc.

SIXTH (HERESY):

"Son Of Nyx"

We have no lyrics for this song (though you can hear him faintly saying some things, one of which is him saying "who we are...") but we know it takes place in circle six, 'Heresy'. Heresy is a belief or opinion that is contradictory to religious doctrine, especially Christianity. As aforementioned, Hozier said this track is a transition song meant to replicate a descent into the darker half of the album.

Nyx is a Greek Goddess and is often known as the personification of night. She had many children all representing different things but the title would essentially mean 'The Son Of Night', and, as dissected in the previous song, we can see that Hozier sees himself as reborn into the darkness.

Once again, darkness is a large theme of Inferno, but Hozier saying in circle six that he is the Son of Night is particularly meaningful due to the association of light with God. He has been reborn as something that could not be further from God, something that opposes the idea of God, something of a Heretic.

Nyx was feared and respected by all, including Zeus, and, though I believe there is no reference to her in Inferno, she was described as residing in the dark recesses of the Underworld, which is heavily incorporated into Inferno.

"All Things End"

This song does not have many overt references to circle six but definitely incorporates the idea of heresy. As mentioned, heresy is an idea that contradicts (especially, but not always) Christianity. In this song, Hozier talks about the ephemeral nature of all things, particularly romance.

"When people say that something is forever, either way it ends." Whether it be death or a break-up, God doesn't plan for you to be able to spend eternity with your lover.

"Movin' on in time and taking more from everything that ends." Hozier, however, argues that things still have meaning beyond their end. That, even after moving on, we will remember and learn from the things we have lost.

"Just knowin' that everything will end should not change our plans." Throws back to the idea of the second verse of "First Time". If you avoided something just because it was going to end eventually, you would never achieve anything. That's like refusing to finish a movie just because you don't want to get to the credits.

When this concept of ignoring the end comes to death, we ultimately cross the concept of God. There are many rules people follow in religion, avoiding certain things because they are against 'God's Will'. Although this practice can be kept in moderation, it can quickly become self-imprisoning.

Not living your present life out of fear for an unproven afterlife can be limiting, especially if you dictate who you love due to what supernatural punishment may or may not follow. Hozier sings that we should not let God's plan interfere with what we need from life, allowing ourselves to indulge in love even if it will end - ultimately, Heresy.

SEVENTH (VIOLENCE):

"To Someone From A Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe)"

This song places in circle seven, 'Violence'. Violence is split into three subcategories, or 'rings'; Violence against others, violence against self, and violence against God. I believe this song gives an overview of all three.

With this song, we recognise that the title says "To someone..." and Hozier said this song was a gift to someone who was from a geographical warm climate, but there is also a lot of heat in circle seven.

"A joy, hard learned in winter, was the warming of the bed." Throughout this song, Hozier describes himself as cold, and his lover as warm. The idea of warming the bed is a concept Hozier mentioned in his song "Nobody" (From 'Wasteland, Baby!') where he sings that, if he had a choice between the warm bed of his lover or performing on stage, he'd go home to the bed. Since this song comes after "All Things End" (the break-up song), this call back to "Nobody" could be instead referencing a permanent distance, rather than a temporary one (like the temporary distance in "Nobody").

"And, darlin', all my dreaming has only been put to shame." This could have two meanings. One, Hozier waking from a dream about his lover to find them not here. Or, two, Hozier's expectations of his lover falling short as their relationship has finally fallen through. These expectations could be a form of violence against self, the second ring, as he set himself up for heartbreak.

"And I wish that I could say that the river of my arms have found the ocean. I wish I could say the cold lake water of my heart- Christ, it's boilin' over." As mentioned, Hozier is cold, his lover is warm. His wishes he could find something to to fill the loss of his relationship, but he still feels the heat from his lover in every part of him.

"It's boilin' over." References the river of boiling blood in the first ring, violence against others, Hozier could be talking about the way his partner loved him, how that was almost an act of violence with how hard it is to now let go.

"Butchered Tongue"

This song has less references to 'Inferno', and is more of a commentary on the act of violence itself. Hozier sings of places and cultures lost to the violence of man, and he mourns this deeply.

"To say 'Appalacicola' or 'Hushpukena', like 'Gweebara'. A promise softly sung of somewhere else." This grieving for a time when native land wasn't colonised and culture wasn't violently erased is prevalent throughout the song.

In the second verse, he sings very strongly of the brutal acts inflicted upon Irish rebels by the British forces in the Wexford Rebellion of 1789. As we know, Hozier is from Ireland, and he incorporates both the Irish language and history into this album, and recounting such violent acts for this song feeds into the grieving of what has been lost: "Between what is lost forever and what can still be known."

In the context of 'Inferno', it feels as though Hozier is listing the sort of actions that would land someone within the circle of Violence whilst also appreciating the efforts those above ground take to preserve erased culture. Altogether, the song is a very moving commentary on modern violence.

EIGHTH (FRAUD):

"Anything But"

The eighth circle is 'Fraud', split into ten subcategories that are positioned around the circle in trench-like ditches, known as 'Bolgia'.

"I wanna be loud, so loud, I'm talking seismic," follows up with, "I want to be as soft as a single rock in a rain stick." Who he wants to be fluctuates between moderation and severity. He is changing, unreliable, possibly referring to bolgia one, Panders and Seducers. Seducers tend to 'lead astray', as Hozier's unreliable narration does.

The punishment of bolgia one is to be marched backwards and forwards rapidly whilst being whipped, very much evoking the imagery of a stampede: "If I were a stampede, you wouldn't get a kick." This alludes to the fact that if Hozier were sent to hell for the various sins he commits for his lover, he wouldn't resent them for it at all.

"If I was a riptide, I wouldn't take you out." The second bolgia of Fraud is for Flatterers, 'the act of giving excessive compliments, sometimes for romantic courtship'. Obviously, the song is filled with these compliments.

"I hear He touches your hand and then you fly away together. If I had his job, you'd live forever." The imagery of "fly away" gives the idea of ascending, perhaps to Heaven, as hinted at again by the idea of the longevity of living. Bolgia three is for Simoniacs, those who would sell church roles, offices, or sacred things. This seems to fit with Hozier saying that if he had a divine role, he wouldn't follow protocol, he would allow his lover immortality.

Simoniacs were sinners because they were disobeying God's trust, because the selling of divine roles would lead to corruption in the Church. Hozier is using this hyperbolically, saying that if someone were to sell him the role of God, he would most definitely be a corrupt power.

"I'd lower the world in a flood, or better yet I'd cause a drought." In bolgia four we have Sorcerers. Although Dante used this term in a more logical sense for fraudulent sorcerers - false prophets, fortune tellers, those who lied about the plans of God - Hozier uses the term in a supernatural sense. Sorcerers were punished for trying to interrupt God's prerogative, whereas Hozier is blatantly saying he would summon another flood, usurping God's plan overtly.

"I'm talking seismic." The bridge that leads to bolgia seven was collapsed by the great earthquake and, as we know, seismic activity leads to earthquakes.

"Worry the cliff side top as a wave crashing over." There happens to be a cliff near the entrance of circle eight that a large waterfall plunges over.

"Abstract (Psychopomp)"

This song appears to be the crossover point from circle eight to circle nine that I mentioned when discussing "I, Carrion (Icarian)". Before we get to that, the title itself is significant.

A psychopomp is a chaperon of death; Someone like the Grim Reaper, or Charon from "First Time", or Dante's guide through Inferno, Virgil. Here, Hozier is describing the act of hitting an animal with your car as taking on the role of a psychopomp, whilst also relating this idea to the act of letting a relationship die, leading it from life to death.

In the crossover point from eight to nine, Dante and Virgil stand and look at the large well that leads down to circle nine, 'Treachery'. The Titians and Giants burst out of the well, to big to fit, but their feet stand stubbornly in Treachery. I believe that, at this point in the album, Hozier stands here, too. He's visited all eight circles, and has one last place to go before he leaves Inferno, and ultimately his lover, behind. This song is him realising he has to let his relationship end, he has to act as a psychopomp for his love.

"Sometimes it returns like rain that you've slept through." Circle nine, 'Treachery', is a frozen over lake, aka a memory of water, similar to the residue of rain. With viewing this song as the predecessor to "Unknown / Nth", we can take this as a hint of what's to come.

"The Earth from a distance." Since Inferno is arranged in rings (like a circular staircase), Dante could feasibly look up and still see where he started his journey. The same way Hozier could look up and see where his relationship began, "De Selby (Part 1)", The Gates.

"Streetlights in the dark blue." We have the mix of light and dark again, as mentioned in the opening track, referencing back to Hozier and his partner falling in love.

"Darling, there's a part of me I'm afraid will always be trapped within an abstract of my life." Of course, Hozier is talking about the memory of the animal hit with the car here, but the way this relates to circle nine is beautiful. As we'll properly dissect with "Unknown / Nth", sat within the most central point of circle nine, the deepest part of Inferno, is Lucifer, the fallen angel. Lucifer was thrown down to Hell from Heaven, and found himself trapped in Treachery, his body too big to escape. Dante says that the more he struggles, the more stuck he becomes.

That moment he was struck down to hell is a moment he finds himself forever stuck in, just as Hozier is saying here. In the next song, Hozier relates his lover to Lucifer, but these lyrics are a gorgeous mirroring of Lucifer's experience, and another hint at the final circle we will now head to.

NINTH (TREACHERY):

"Unknown / Nth"

Okay, buckle in.

The ninth circle, 'Treachery', is also one split into subcategories, yet Hozier appears to be singing about the centre. The frozen over lake of Treachery gets more frozen the closer you get to the centre. The inhabitants start half-submerged in ice to fully plastered in it. Throughout Inferno, and the deeper we descend, a soft breeze becomes a strong wind, that, as we reach the centre, we find is caused by the violent flapping of Lucifer's wings. Here he sits, stuck and chewing on Judas, another one of God's biggest betrayers.

After "Abstract (Psychopomp)" Hozier is now exploring the final stage of his relationship. The circles of Hell had mirrored the love he once had, and Treachery is where it shall be buried. He also represents his lover as Lucifer, though not maliciously. In interviews, Hozier spoke about the song being about a heavy betrayal he suffered from someone he truly loved, and likening this to God and Lucifer is just heartbreaking.

"You know the distance never made a difference to me." The song is about knowing someone in their entirety, discovering their best and worst parts. Hozier uses Inferno to talk about the tiresome journey of finally knowing someone. He says he would've made the trip all the same, that he would've walked this far for his lover no matter what.

"I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea." This mirrors the previous lyric, but also references specific parts of Inferno. The are many fires in Inferno, particularly in circle seven, 'Violence'. The sea floor lyric reminds me of the lake of Treachery. Though a surface, not a floor, the lake would still be below any seabed, since Inferno is geographically below the Earth.

"Funny how true colours shine in darkness and in secrecy." You guys are probably sick of hearing me say it but... Darkness is a big theme in Dante's Inferno. It is meant to represent the deceiving nature of humans when light is not being shone. Secrecy is a running thread through 'Inferno', too, as Dante finds many people he thought had done no wrong residing there. Hozier is simply saying how (sarcastically) funny it is that he only truly knows his lover in the remains of their relationship; How he only knows them after seeing them in their cruellest form.

"Where you were held frozen like an angel to me." There are many angel lyrics, but this one specifically references the ice of Treachery. The fallen angel is indicative of Hozier's experience: Seeing someone he regarded highly, even heavenly, falling from that pedestal and turning into something that couldn't be further from God's work.

"You called me angel for the first time, my heart leapt from me. You smile, now, I can see its pieces still stuck in your teeth, and, what's left of it, I listen to it tick. Every tedious beat going unknown as any angel to me." Hozier references his ex-lover chewing on his heart the way Lucifer chews on Judas. He listens to it somehow still ticking, however slowly, and at the end of the song we hear something akin to a heartbeat. The beats are "going unknown as any angel to me" since he can no longer recognise his own heartbeat after it has been mangled by another, and, since he mistook someone alike Lucifer to an angel, the idea of angels must be "unknown" to him.

"Do you know I could break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, I still carry for you? That I'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you?" We again have this imagery of walking far, referencing the journey of Inferno, and, even though he's aching with the realisation of who his lover truly is, he can't help but be grateful that he does now know them, no matter how painful that may be. That he would do this all again if it meant he at least got to the answer of who they are.

His weak heartbeat follows him through to final track as we begin the Ascent.

ASCENT:

"First Light"

The title is very meaningful for the Ascent. The song references both Dante and Virgil's ascent and the creation of light by God himself. Dante and Virgil leave Inferno through a tunnel that Lucifer left in the Earth as he was thrown down to Hell, and they emerge on the other side of the hemisphere. This song signifies Hozier stepping away from the relationship as he also makes that journey out.

"One bright morning changes all things." Dante is disorientated when he exits Inferno. He'd become so accustomed to the darkness that he asks Virgil, 'How is it that the sun progressed so rapidly from evening to day?' Hozier seems to recognise here that his relationship is no longer fit for him, that the darkness has become too encompassing, just as Dante realises on his ascent.

"The sky set to burst, the gold and the rust, the colour erupts...the sun coming up." Not only does this give the imagery of the birth of light, but it also represents Dante's view on his exit: 'Until...I saw the lovely things the sky above us bears. Now we came out, and once more saw the stars.'

"Like I lived my whole life before the first light." Hozier says that the darkness from his lover was so overbearing that it was hard to believe he'd ever felt light before - that light could not have exists with a darkness this heavy alongside it. It is a call back to "De Selby (Part 1)" - "A darkness so deep that God at the start couldn't bear."

"One bright morning comes. Darkness always finds you either way, it creeps into the corners as the moment fades." He speaks of bringing light to a moment between them, but has it quickly smothered by the darkness inherent in his partner. Another call back, this time to "De Selby (Part 2)" - "And your heart, love, has such darkness, I feel it in the corners of the room."

"After this I'm never going to be the same, and I am never going back again." This lyric is heart-breaking. Hozier states that Inferno has changed him, but he has no wishes to re-enter it. At the beginning of this album, he was begging for the likes of Inferno - "De Selby (Part 2)": "Let all time slow, let all light go." - and now he is desperate to get away from it. In "Francesca", he said, "At the end, I'd tell them, 'Put me back in it.'", yet, now, he's at the end, he's ascended, and he has no desire to go back at all.

He is letting go of his lover because he recognises that this pain was not worth it, that this love was not worth the punishment he received, so he leaves.

---

That was Hozier's Inferno !! I hope this was helpful to some people since it was very fun to make (I'm exhausted) and it's very enlightening to see how these lyrics relate to Inferno (I'm heart-broken) !! Okay, wooooo !! Enjoy !!!

[slavic-roots-western-mind]

My top Russian Tv-Shows

Despite this being mainly a mandarinblr, I still try to practise my other languages so here are some of the most interesting tv-shows in russian for my fellow russian-learners and speakers and anyone interested.

Kitchen - Кухня This show has several spin-offs including Hotel Eleon and Grand which I will not mention as by the end of the last spin-off there are literally no characters from the original cast and the plot slightly goes of the rails. The actual show is set a french restaurant in Moscow where Max Lavrov, who just finished his military service decided to work at. The show follows the various challenges that Max faces at his new workplace, including the foul-tempered but very talented Chef Viktor Barinov who has a drinking problem and other interesting characters. It's quite funny and heart-warming, and it's a must-watch imo.

Youth - Молодёжка A pretty standard sports series tv plot. The hockey-team "Bears" are a meh team at best, but that all changes when a former National Hockey League player turned coach shows up to make a proper team out of them. I only watched the first season because after that the plot got a tad boring for me, but as far as sports series go, pretty good.

Law of the Lawless (Not the 1964 film!) - Бригада A cult-classic staple of only 15 episodes. The plot is a bit over the place at the beginning, as opening episodes sequence is a flashback to the start of the final episode but after that it's chronological, with the first episode w english subtitles here. 4 best friends start out as youths from early 1990s to 2000s, with one returning home after finishing his army service with plans for uni and the others just starting their lives. However, the Perestroika had significantly changed their lives, so eventually the gang turns from racketeering and petty crime to slowly becoming the mafia. The opening theme is worth watching alone, but then again I'm biased.

How I became Russian - Как я стал русским This comedy show is quite dear to me, as it follows an American journalist with russian and slavic roots navigating life and work in Russia as he works on a story about life in Russia for a major newspaper back home. He's back in his homeland but as a foreigner who finds his heritage utterly confusing. This series resonates with me, as despite having a good grasp of my cultures languages and customs, I still feel disconnected from my heritage at times, and this show has been a reassuring reminder that not being 100% attuned with your heritage is okay, and that there are many different ways of re-connecting with your culture.

Closed school - Закрытая Школа I was slightly tramuatized by this show when I first watched it 4ish years ago, in part due to how unhinged and off the rails the plot slowly but surely becomes. A descent into madness. Andrei and his sister are sent to study at the Logos boarding school, but are then informed that their parents have perished. Andrei doesn't believe this, so he sets off to investigate with his new friends and investigate he does. There are also some other background shenanigans going on, but the unraveling of the schools mystery remains the main interest, including its odd passageways and deeply disturbing history. As a thriller series, it honestly deserves that title.

Here are some shows that came out more recently that I think deserve a mention.

The Boy's Word: Blood on the Asphalt- Слова пацана кровь на осфальте I've only seen a few episodes out of the 8, but it's very Brigada-esque so far. During the mid-late 1980s when Perestroika is going on and the USSR is soon to be no more, 14 year old Andrei is trying to survive as he's constantly bullied at school and by gang-members. He makes friends with one of said gang members Marat, as he slowly descends into the world of street life. I'll finish watching this series sometime probably.

The new guy - Новенький 16-year old Max moves from his glamorous life in Moscow to a small-town Yurovsk due to his parents constant arguing, where he immediately doesn't get along with his clasmmates who think him stuck-up and start bullying him. One day Max goes missing and his classmates are the obvious suspects, as slowly but surely secrets start to emerge revealing everyone's lies. A pretty good suspense/thriller show, which covers the topics of bullying, coming of age and what it means to be an adult pretty well, despite the 4th and final season being kind of lackluster.

Central Russia's Vampires - Вампиры средней полосы Where to even begin with this show. I don't know whether I should introduce the trailer or the opening theme song mv. Basically the life of a small and unconventional vampire family living in Smolensk, presumably in central Russia, who get disturbed when bodies with distinct bite marks are found nearby. This results in the Guardians (aka the guys keeping vampires a secret and ensuring that no one acts out) taking over and investigating with the vampire leader Svyatoslav Vernidubovich given a week to find and punish the culprit. My odd plot description aside, the cast is why I adore this show. The recently turned Gen-Z wannabe blogger Zhenyok, the thousand year old grandpa Svyatoslav, the constantly annoyed Dr. Zhan Ivanovich (who is actually french and decided to hang around after Napoleon was defeated) and his ex-wife The Countess who honestly should have a spin-off show and many more characters.

Doomsday - Конец Света Satan decides to come back to Earth and start the apocalypse, for which he needs his son Dimyan who should become the Antichrist but to his dismay, Dimyan doesn't really care about world domination and money, he just wants to get married to his fiancee Galya and live happily ever after. Chaos ensues as satan tries to persuade Dimyan to join him, whilst Angel vs Demon shenanigans occur in the background. I honestly had no idea that this type of show could even be produced due to the censors and yet it was. It's kind of slightly similar to Good Omens with all the apocalypse stuff and the Angels and Demons eventually teaming up? Good Omens adjacent. Except more gritty with much darker humour. The actor who plays satan is Yuri Kolokolnikov who actually starred in game of thrones so if you're a fan of his acting, do try this show.

Alisa can't wait - Алиса не может ждать Alisa is a 15-16 (don't remember her exact age) year old girl who is going blind and she decides to do something really drastic to ensure that her life will be comfortable after she loses all sight. There's a noticeable build-up to what she's actually planning during the episodes, as her homelife is less than ideal, with her older sister stuck in an unhappy marriage and a turbulent relationship with her parents. This is one of the few shows that really left a deep impression on me but it deals with some very sensitive and potentially upsetting topics so be aware if you're giving it a go.

This list may be updated in the future, so if there are any other shows that I may have missed do share them!

[pfffsfic]

Post-Fall Falls False Starts- Chapter 18: Looking Back

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter [not yet uploaded to tumblr]

There were two kinds of slow walk. One was the sort of walk a group of heroes would do on the way to the villain's headquarters, the sort of walk wrestlers sometimes entered the ring with. Ideally there would be a cool song playing in the background and then that song would be reused at climatic moments later in the series, but you'd never really feel the impact as strongly as you felt it that first time- she digressed. The second type was the sad type. Emotions could weigh a girl down like a backpack full of dumbbells, and though having them around usually motivated her to get where she was going and do what she was planning to do faster than usual, something about that just wasn't happening tonight. Part of her hoped to run into a monster just so something would take her mind off of the situation. None came. Only her own inner demons, which seemed less like formally-dressed hot tall guys and more like shapeless masses of painful thoughts.

Several major doors to the future had just been abruptly and unceremoniously closed off to her. She hadn't even planned to use the 'out' she had prepared by stealing from the van until much later, but now that it was no longer a possibility, this place seemed less like a magical land of possibility and wish fulfillment and more like a lawless universe of danger and despair. Why, oh why couldn't she find it in herself to get excited? Danger was good! Much of her work contained dangerous situations over which heroes triumphed. The rest of it was fluff, which was definitely out of the question right now. The difference, she realized, was that she was unsure of her ability to triumph. Her fantasies swerved from all the ways she could live it up here to all the ways she could die here. Okay, so the present was a dark forest path and the future was a cave full of monsters- the former was literal, the latter was metaphorical. What about the past? Ah, yes, the past.

She met up with Rob on her fifth real day here and they had been grilling mushrooms and catching small forest animals ever since. Before that, though, life was less... stable.

MORNING 1: DEEP FREEZE

If she squinted, she could make out the clock on the wall of the vacant grocery store. 2:11. That had to be AM since the stars and moon were overhead.

The doors were locked. She snuck around the perimeter of the building, back to the wall like a secret agent looking for 'weak spots' in its structure. A rusty air vent grate hung loose from one of its fasteners. Excellent! She was tall enough to pull herself through after lugging over a rock to step on. The grate on the other end came off with surprisingly little resistance and she happily tumbled face-first onto the glorious air-conditioned sales floor, where she made a beeline for the icebox next to the checkout counter, slipping her head inside, letting out a pleasurable sigh, and then curling her body up on the floor next to it. This was perfect. The only thing that could make this whole situation any more perfect, she thought out loud, was if she encountered a certain someone in her dreams.

Her first encounter with a 'local' was far from that, though. She groggily opened her eyes to see a slack-jawed cashier, freshly into work, staring down at her. In a flash, she reached for her head, popped it back on, and theatrically looked over the other ice creams.

"I'm aliiiive!" she gasped, feigning lightheadedness. "My brethren," she addressed the inanimate frozen treats, scooping a couple of them into her arms, "why only me? Why have you not all been awakened to the glory of sapience?"

When no answer came, she leaned over the icebox for a moment like a grieving widow at a military funeral, pretended to steel herself, and then ran out of the store and into the woods via the automatic door.

AFTERNOON 1: INTO THE WOODS

With a spring in her step and a sparkle in her eyes, Sarah whistled some nameless tune all the way down the forest path. Was it for fun? To occupy her mind? To stave off hunters? To stave off monsters? To attract monsters? She didn't know for sure, but she also didn't need a rationale to continue with it. Whatever ended up happening would be swiftly rationalized as part of her plan. When the forest stopped being creepily sunny and started being sunnily creepy, she sat down on a rock and started on one of the popsicles she had grabbed earlier. It was strawberry flavored and if Sarah tried hard enough she could make out some faint differences between this universe's strawberry flavor and her own universe's strawberry flavor... or, on second thought, that probably just came down to the brand.

"It would be a shame if my peaceful lunch in the scary forest was interrupted," she spoke out loud to no one in particular, hoping that, as was typical for cartoons, something would happen right afterwards. It was almost a letdown when nothing did.

As dusk set in, she wandered the forest in search of a birch tree, failed to locate any, and fell asleep eventually on the roots of an evergreen tree, driven not by fatigue but by a simple desire to dream. She did have a dream that night. It was about a meteor impact on Elmore, only when the meteor came down instead of spreading fire and destruction it made all of the computers and TVs in town start playing loud dubstep. Sarah was a member of the task force dispatched to chop up the metaphor and eat it (which seemed sensible in the dream but was confusing upon waking up).

DAY 2: THE TREES HAVE EYES

Sarah noticed a small anthill near her sleeping tree when she woke up. The ants, going about their day, were a good metaphor for... something. She didn't really know what and her creative juices weren't flowing fast enough today to push her to come up with something. She was melting a little. As one ant trotted aimlessly around in a search for food, she noticed something odd: none of the ants had approached her yet, and she, a self-proclaimed tall drink of 50% water, 15% sugar, and 45% dairy, had been sleeping there for at least five or six hours. 'That's alright,' she thought, 'the ants here are probably weird like everything else.'

Part of her mind told her the ants weren't the problem.

Just 10 minutes from the sleeping spot was a small grove of birch trees and their adjacent cave. This place, she decided, would be her hideout! Exploring the cave, though, Sarah discovered a giant spider with human feet on the ends of its eight legs, heard it hiss territorially at her, and quickly changed her earlier decision. The rest of the day was spent scouting out other caves, none of which were quite as eventful (though she did spot some small footprints that could have belonged to some distant gnome), and she topped it off with a rather one-sided wrestling contest against several angry raccoons over what had seemed a worthy prize: a bucketload of discarded food from the dumpster out back of Greasy's Diner. It was delicious- the victory, that is. The food, on the other hand, was mediocre. And all of it tasted like coffee.

MORNING 3: DISTANT ENCOUNTERS

As the wee hours of the morning on the third day dragged on, Sarah, an early riser, donned "her" top hat and bow tie and her eye patch, left the shallow cave she had slept in the previous night, and trudged out to sit out by the edge of the lake, its subsurface disappointingly free of any visible lake monsters. The moonlight made the whole thing awfully serene, just like a painting in the waiting room of a doctor's office. Sarah couldn't help but skip a small stone across the surface. When it hit the water and sunk on first contact, she remembered with a heavy heart that she did not actually know how to skip a stone. That had once been a source of trauma and/or drama in her childhood; a friend from Richwood Elementary, a well-off human girl, had invited her to a lake house birthday party and the girl's snooty parents had nearly laughed her off the property when she came in last in their stone-skipping contest. She had never really fit in, but that was okay because of uniqueness, or something. That lake house had been in the 2D part of town. This town was in the 2D part of the multiverse. Something about the view brought her back.

When a group of rowdy early-bird fishers pulled up by the lake with a boat strapped haphazardly on top of their truck, rather than going and saying hi like she had been urging herself to do despite her appearance, Sarah fled into the woods clutching the hat for dear life. In retrospect the group of middle-aged men probably would not have been enthusiastic about greeting her for multiple reasons, but what citizen would be? No, she needed to wait for the right moment. Now she was just worried that moment might never come.

AFTERNOON 3: CATCHING FLIES WITH IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY

The ground would be her canvas and that big stick over there would be her brush. On second thought, maybe her finger would be her brush, because the stick didn't allow her the sort of control she needed to make three letters fit neatly inside a tiny heart. A heart... there was something else she had meant to draw, but what? Oh! Right.

After a few minutes of sloppy work there were eyes of providence in a circle around the clearing, with legs, arms, and accessories for good measure. Sarah hoped this would be an effective 'trap' for the object of her makeshift summons even without the Latin incantation, but the afternoon was still young, and she had to make use of her time effectively. What did that even mean at a time like this? She had no concrete plans, just a bunch of tiny idea fragments. She decided, staring at the watchful eyes around her, that she would go through all her ideas from least to most embarrassing. Everyone liked exponentially escalating hijinks.

The first act was a monologue. She took up the old adage and imagined a naked audience to replace the nonexistent audience before her. It helped with the nervousness, or maybe she didn't have any nervousness to begin with, but either way it was absent by the time she hit her stride.

"...And that's why i think there should be more shoujo love interests with huge biceps. Anyways, you ever wondered why anybody would choose to have one eye?" she asked, pausing for an imaginary burst of laughter and flipping up her eye patch. "Of course, I don't mean to insult anybody who doesn't have a choice. But if you do have a choice? I mean, c'mon. I'd love to interview some shapeshifting one-eyed guy about that someday, but of course nobody's listening." Another pause, a slow sweeping look at her surroundings, a glance over at the eye patch. "I just wear this thing to look cool! Maybe that's why someone would choose that. Am I a hypocrite? I might be a hypocrite."

The second act was jokes. She told a few of her many memorized puns related to herself ("What does ice cream do when it gets stressed? It has a meltdown!") and then filled time with a particularly long and winding joke about a monk that ended with an unsatisfying punchline. The fun of that one was considerably lessened without the groans that always followed her telling it back home. The capstone on her set began with "My ex wife still misses me," followed by a tangent about whether it was even appropriate to tell jokes that start on false premises about the teller, whether joke plagiarism applied to informal conversations, and ultimately whether a tree that fell in the forest with no one to hear it would make a sound. The punchline to that final joke never arrived because she had forgotten where the conversation began.

The third act was music. Sarah's vocal chops were better suited to calmer, quieter, and/or creepier tunes than the loud and flashy showman-esque renditions she was now attempting to put on with her stick in hand as a makeshift cane. The first song she had in mind was We'll Meet Again, but the second she opened her mouth, it dawned on her that she did not know the entire thing, just about half of the chorus. She pivoted to another similar song with Daisy Bell and then in an entirely different direction with a few of her favorite vocal synthesizer tunes, a few of which she had memorized in half-mangled Japanese and then another few that were in English. Halfway through a high note, she noticed with awe that a few animals had taken notice of her singing. A few beady-eyed birds, a raccoon (who looked familiar, maybe from her battle the previous night), and two deer- scratch that, upon closer inspection it was one deer with a head at each end and no backside- stood by the clearing watching her go. So this was what it felt like to be a Disney princess... or, really, less of a Disney princess and more of a Disney forest hermit.

"Thank you for coming out tonight," she said, and then she realized a moment later than her subconscious that night had fallen. The animals scattered when she sat down to take a short rest, and suddenly her motivation, momentarily buffed by the presence of actual tangible beings other than herself, was mostly gone.

A bit more walking from the art clearing yielded yet another cave, and a peek inside the cave, past the waterfall that hid its entrance, yielded yet another disappointment. This one at least had the additional security of both a few large boulders and the waterfall, the flow sound of which changed when someone passed through it, and so she accepted that there were too many caves to find that cave easily and laid down to see if her performance earlier that day would bear fruit. It didn't. In fact, if she dreamed at all, she didn't remember it.

DAY 4: THE INTRUDER

Sarah was hungry. Not eat-your-own-leg hungry, but hungrier than she had been for, what, weeks? Months? It had been a little over 24 hours since her last meal, and that last meal in question was coffee-spiked all-day breakfast food out of a dumpster, so not exactly the sort of soul-nourishing thing she needed for a lite survivalist lifestyle. She beat the sun into the town proper and glanced tentatively at the diner, which made her stomach drop and alleviated the hunger a little as a result.

It was difficult to both walk casually into town and constantly dart behind lampposts and buildings to avoid the gazes of the citizens, especially with no destination in sight. After who-knows-how-many minutes of Red Light, Green Light, Sarah's eyes fell upon a mansion on a hill in the distance, and, using a technique no doubt more common in Elmore than here, she ducked behind one building far from the mansion and popped out from behind another building closer to it. One or two short fence hops later she stood before the mansion, staring up at a window that hung open just a crack, wondering what sorts of food the pantry of a place like this might have in store.

On one hand, this was the wrong house to come to for someone like her who was not a fan of taxidermy or getting lost; on the other hand, this was the wrong universe to come to for someone like her who was not a fan of taxidermy or getting lost. With a deep breath and all of her mild-hunger-fueled athleticism, she used the rope from the van to lasso the latch of the open window, used a combination of a few lucky footholds and her height to ascend the side of the house, and pulled herself over the threshold into what she soon realized was a very occupied bedroom. Her eyes met the occupant's eyes. She couldn't tell who it was- their eyes were the only things visible in a field of pitch black.

"Who-" said a youthful voice from the direction of the other two eyeballs.

"You're dreaming," said Sarah, darting for the bedroom door. As soon as probably-cifica (whose identity Sarah was really making an educated guess about) saw Sarah's unusual silhouette in the doorway, she must have figured the dream explanation was more likely than an actual giant ice cream cone in her house, because she didn't attempt to make chase. The pantry was easy enough to find (perhaps the family had more than one?) and, after spraying edible gold dust on the security cameras, Sarah made off through a garbage chute with a whole roast-ready duck, a pint of caviar-flavored frozen yogurt, and a few bags of imported chips with a fancy French name she couldn't read.

She took a different route back to the cave this time and noticed a few footprints that weren't hers. A clearing with several suspicious, near-hidden pit traps caught her eye, and she made sure to watch her step.

DAY 5: THE OTHER INTRUDER

What time was it? She didn't know for sure, and there was no sunlight in the little muddy crevasse she had made for herself between two easily-pushed boulders. She shoved another chip into her mouth and chewed quietly. The good thing about chips was they could be eaten at breakfast, lunch, or dinner, as well as between meals as a snack, so it didn't really matter what time it was.

Why was she huddled up? Well, only a few hours earlier a set of footsteps had echoed outside- and then inside- the cave, and she had taken measures to hide herself from prying eyes. It had apparently worked. The intruder was deterred, right? Maybe it was an animal. Maybe it was a person. What if somebody owned this cave and she was just a trespasser?

It was like the universe responding to her thoughts when the sound of the waterfall changed. It didn't go back to normal, either. Someone was sitting in the flow, and they weren't leaving. Why would anybody do that? To train for a big battle? To meditate (for a big battle)? Nah, unlikely. She poked her head up from behind one muddy boulder and snuffed a near-gasp with her hands. The person (or not a person?) meditating (or not meditating?) in the waterfall was three-dimensional. No, no, not just that, she recognized the back of his head. A sense of loneliness she didn't even know she was swamped with crumbled around her as she stepped up to him.

"Rob?" she asked. He was repeating something incoherently to himself and apparently didn't hear her over the sound of the rushing water. That was alright. She reached out in what was supposed to be a friendly pat on the shoulder, but the force of the falling water made it really more of a slap...

She didn't have time to cover her ears before he shrieked so loud there was a mini-earthquake inside the cave and darted off into the distance. She wasn't planning to follow him, really, at least not until she had the chance to clean off the mud and get out of her two-item cosplay, but her eyes fell on the crowbar that had fallen from his backpack in his confusion, and she suddenly had a conversational 'in'. That was always the goal when getting to know people. Then again, if you were desperate enough for interaction, you could fabricate an 'in' from practically anything, like entering a conversation about grades with a, "woah, we could be study buddies! Who knows? it might turn into something more." That one hadn't worked. What was she doing even thinking about this? She needed to get the crowbar back to Rob!

Thankfully, the waterfall was almost like a 5-second shower, and she only needed to stand in it for a second to get most of the mud (and a bit of herself) off. There were wet footprints in the forest dirt for her to follow. "Who knows?" she said to herself, or to nobody in particular. "Maybe this could be the start of a great friendship."

Several weeks on, Sarah still didn't know if what they had was great or a friendship, but it sure helped the existential dread to think of it that way. She looked down at the tapes and thought to herself, no looking back, no looking back, no more looking back.

[nathscalet]

Fourth Chapter - And they say romance it´s dead

You ended up seduncing some retired pirates

You were walking through the sabody archipelago, you had delivered your first work to the tenryuubitos.

  You were on the island for the first time on you own, and decided to take a stroll.

 You wandered aimlessly, going from place to place in the lawless area, till you spotted a bar.

 "One beer please."

 "One moment ~" the attendant said "Dozo, sorry for the delay |"

 "All right."  You spoke drinking the beer in silence and looking at the bar

 "Are you looking for someone ojou-Chan?"

 "No, I'm just admiring the bar. Very cozy"

 "Thanks for the compliment ~"

 "..." you finished drinking the beer and ordered another bottle

 "Tell me what a girl like you does around here."  Shakky sat in front of the counter and took your features into account.  You didn't have the stereotype of a pirate nor a thief, but you can't judge a book by its cover.  "I doubt that a young girl like you is a pirate."

 "I am not. I am ... a painter."

 "Hmm, you don't seem so sure about this ~"

 "It is new job."

 "Ohh, so it must be hard to get customers ~"

 "no ... I'm just not used to this environment. Painting was part of my rehabilitation and an old skill that I'm relearning to ... enjoy the pleasure of it."  You looked at nothing

 "Heh, you have a way with words too, you would be a great poet."

 "Hah, thank you" a sincere smile appeared on your face that was slightly flushed

 "You have a beautiful smile, you should smile more ojou-chan."

 "Ah, you can call me (y / n)."

 "No last name?"

 "None."

 "Hmm, you can call me shakky"

 "Nice to meet you shakky" you shook the brunette's hand, and she noticed how callous it was, but they were gentle.  "nice to meet you y/n chan"

 "What is a young woman like you doing here in this area alone?"

 "Oya, huhuhuh do you think I'm young? Thanks ~ but as you can see I'm working."

 "Heh, you are very well then, you could pass for a teenager if you wanted to but I think that a mature beauty suits you more."

 "Pretty gallant you."

 "No, no, I'm just telling you the truth. You really are very beautiful."

 "Heh ~ a pity, I'm married"

 "Huh, where's your shakky san husband?"

 "Oh, he must be out there having fun with some young lady."

 "..."

 " Are you okay?"

 "How can he leave a beauty like you alone ?! - you took the brunette's hands. - Unpardonable! And still go out with other people!

 shakky was trying to keep from laughing.  You really were a very romantic young woman. (If we consider being a homewrecker romantic?)

- What are you going to do in my defense then y / n chan ~?

 You looked at the watch. "Shakky san, go on a date with me. I can't let this go unnoticed, it doesn't suit me."

 "You are very daring y / n -chan ~. My husband may not like it ~"

 "That´s his problem, I'll deal with him later."  You gave the brunette a confident smile this time, your eyes were sharper and brighter.

 You went from a cute, rich young woman to a delicious housewreker.

 "Heh ~ I haven't been on a date in a while."

 "Then I will make it a point to make this the best shakky san date!"  You stood up and held out your hand to the brunette "Shall we go?"

 She looked at your hand and at you.  What an encounter with a beautiful young woman can be too "let's go."

 "What would you like to do first shakky san?"

 "Umm ... I haven't been on a date for a while ... so whatever you choose is fine. I like surprises ~" she wanted to see what you would do

 "... okay. You can count on me ... It's a little late for lunch, so ... do you want to go to the amusement park?"

 "That would be lovely."

 You have been on several roller coasters.  You were able to cut the queue at the attractions because the employees saw who you were working for.  So it was a really fun afternoon.

 "Shakky san, here! Here!"

 "What is it?" - You put a tiara with antenna on it. "You look cute with them."

 "Ara, thanks y / n-chan."  She spoke while eating the flower-shaped cotton candy you bought.  "The ferris wheel was very good, I had forgotten how beautiful this archipelago was."

 "Glad you like."

 "Yes, the meeting was fun🙃"

 "Ah? It's not over yet."

 "No?"

 "I promised, the best date for you. That was just a warm-up and a pass, until the time I wanted."

 "Ohh ~ tell me then what have you been preparing ?!"

 "This is going to be a surprise!

 "I can't wait ~"

 Walking hand in hand, you took shakky to a boutique in the archipelago.

 "You can choose what you want. For our date tonight"

 "Hunhum you shouldn't say that to an ex-pirate y / n-chan ~ I can suck you completely ~

 "You were a pirate ~ what a surprise ~ but okay, I'm here to satisfy your desires."  You got up from the chair and took Shakky's hand, turning it in place and turning it over to the mirror. "

 "You really are spoiling me y / n-chan"

 "Nothing is too much for you. Today you will be treated like the queen you deserve to be"

 After several dresses, heels, jewelry and accessories.  They finally found the ideal, but that doesn't mean you didn't buy the others she liked.

 "You really spent a lot> :(

 "Heki heki. Ready for the date?"

 "more ready impossible."

 You took shakky to a famous restaurant in Sabody.  There you were chatting away, getting to know each other more deeply, while drinking wine.

 "Hen ~ so it was you who were causing all the commotion ~ I never imagined that any civilian would be allowed to go up to mariesjoes."

 "Yes, it was quite a commotion."

 "You really must paint magnificent pictures to get the attention of a nobleman ~ show me one next time"

 "for sure, next time i showed you my works."

 "I hope you enjoyed our meeting"

 "Mama, the date was fantastic y / n chan ~ I had fun as I haven't done in a long time. And I still got pampering from you."

 "You're welcome. I'm happy to have made your day bright."  You took the hand and gave a kiss "It was a pleasure to meet you shakky! Until next time"

 "Hmm ~"

 "Hah! Before I forget! Here's my free card. You can come to me when you want one to have a distraction!"  You winked at her.

 "Fufuf, I really like your confident and playful side. Even more y / n ~ chan thanks for the treats."

 1 month later

 Hi shakky san!  Sashiburi dana!

 Oh y / n ~ chan!  How long have I missed you.  I'm glad you didn't forget me

 Never that I could have forgotten a face like yours.

 Huhuhuh, you are still charming.  I'm surprised you don't have someone special yet, it shouldn't be difficult to find someone with your face.

 Heh ?!  Well, you can be that person then.  - you said sitting on the counter and supporting your face in your hand

 Shakky came out from behind the counter and sat next to you.  "Are you interested in chasing me romantically y / n ~ chan?"

 "I can say that I don't care"

 "Mah ~ are you willing to face my husband?"

 "I do not care."

 "Oi shakky! I'm back!"  An old man entered the bar

 "Oh ray-san, how long."

 "It's been awhile- oh you're with customers. Hello"

 "Is that your husband Shakky san?"

 "Yea."

 "Soka."  You said getting up and going towards the man

 "Oh, aren't you a little young to be drinking young lady?"

 "I do not like you."  You spoke short and thick

 "Pfff-"

 "Huh !?"

 "To be honest, I can't see what she saw in you to get married. You are a selfish old man. Womanizer. Unworthy of shakky san."

 "Pfff- Ray-san looks like you have competition now."  - Shakky was having fun without a doubt

 "Hah! Oi what is this is about? young lady-"

 "My name is y / n."

 "Y / n -chan-"

 "Please don't call me that, we are not friends and I don't like you."

 "She said 2x"

 "Ara, it looks like she doesn't like you ray-san"

 "I realized.😅 listen y / n. I am the husband of the shakky"

 "Are you or were you?"

 "I am!"

 "Not for long."

 "Mah mah ~ how exciting!"

 "Shakky! You shouldn't be encouraging her!"

 "Ara ~ but I really like y / n chan ~ she took me on a magnificent date. And comforted me when you weren't ray-san ~"

 "..."

 You sent the old man a smirk.

 He was slightly irritated.

 Shakky looked with interest at the interaction between you.

 "Mah mah, now I don't know who I should choose ~"

 "Are you being serious shakky?"  Rayleigh asked excitedly and shocked

 "Yes, I am ~  I was enchanted by her charm"

"..."

 You sent the old man a smirk.

 He was slightly irritated.

 Shakky looked with interest at the interaction between you.

 "Mah mah, now I don't know who I should choose ~"

 "Are you being serious shakky?" 

 "Yes, I am ~ Y / n - chan enchanted me with your charm"

 "..."

 "..."

 "..."

 "I suggest a duel."  You spoke.

 !

 !

 "Heh ~ y / n chan are you sure? Ray-san may not look like it but he is very strong."

 "Me either."  You flexed your arm muscles (nice triceps)

 "Ojou-chan do you know who I am?"

 "No."  He spoke in the face of a stick

 "Let me, introduce myself then. Silvers Rayleigh -King of darkness."

 "Titles are insignificant to me, but now I know what to put in your grave."

 "Heh, you are very confident that you can kill me"

 "Well, your pride, I'm sure I can send to the coffin."

 .

 "You know how to use y / n-chan swords ~ what a surprise ~ I thought you were just a painter."

 "Also served in the army."  You spoke by testing the sword you bought at a store there.  "but now let's get started."

 You and Rayleigh looked at each other, analyzing each other.  Deciding what is the best approach in this fight.

 Both had smiles on their faces, mockery, they had not fought in a long time.

 You decided to move forward, with slow and calculated steps: Eco rhythm.

 A murder move that consisted of walking in circles around the opponent at the same speed and pace that created the illusion of several (y / n) surrounding him.

Shakky was a little apprehensive, she didn't know what the outcome of this fight would be (meaning she didn´t know the extent of your injures). She just hoped that no one would be seriously injured.

 "Huh? Interesting trick, but aren't you going to attack me?"  That was the cue.

 A y/n came out of the circle, ready to cut it.

 Clashh.  Zzzihhh

 The sound of swords clashing.  Both were trying to overlap each other by force.

 You made a noise of pain when you were thrown back.  Hitting the giant tree, leaving a crater.

 "Apparently, I won't be able to take it easy on you."  Rayleigh let you feel the King's Haki

 You felt a pressure on your head and your body trembled.  Just like the captain.  How long have you not felt this pressure.  No doubt he was strong. But not strong enough to stop you.

You looked him dead in the eye, a cold burning will in your eyes, you sprinted in his direction again, coating the sword in haki, getting on his body range you rotated your body, clashing swords, making a crater on the ground where he was standing.

”you’re good old man. But that won’t be enough to stop me.” You pointed your sword at him a confident smile on your face

 

 "That is enough."

 "Huh? Don't tell me you're going to give up old man?"

 "This fight is meaningless."

 "What are you talking about?"

 "Shakky was just playing with you. She didn't told you that we are in an open relationship."

 "Huh?"

 "Gomen y / n-chan you were so committed that I couldn't resist ~ your reactions were extremely cute and innocent."

 "Heh ?! Were you playing with me shakky?"  You looked into the brunette's eyes with a dog-like look that fell from the moving truck

 Shot in the heart (highly effective blow) Shakky even held her chest feeling just a little bit guilty.

 "Ma ma, don't get carried away by this detail. I saw that you really like the shakky, even though you realized that you were fighting someone stronger you didn't turn yellow. You have fiber. I like that."  Rayleigh ruffled his hair

 "..."

 "I'm glad that Shakky found someone like you."  Rayleigh patted her on the back

 "..." - she sigh.  You closed your eyes and looked at the sky for an instant.  Empty eyes.  Before getting back to normal.

 "Y / n ~ chan you will forgive me will you not ~?

 "I don't like to share."  You spoke

 "Pff-"

 "Ahahahaha !! I could tell!"

 "I am possessive - you continued" My ideals of relationships are totally distorted ... I have no experience in the matter of love ... I do not understand my own feelings at times ... " A empty look took your face

 "Y / n ~ chan ..."

 "..."

 "I ... am lost ... I don't know what to do."  Rayleigh saw an empty expression appear. That lifeless expression didn't suit you.

 Rayleigh picked you up in princess style and you started to trash in his hold.  Putting you back on the floor and in the middle of the two like a human sandwich

 "Let's close the relationship."

 "Um ?! Are you sure Ray-san?"

 "Yes, it will be just me, you and the newest member of the relationship."

 "What?"

 "You said yourself that you don't know what to do and you're not sure about your feelings. So let me decide for you."  - Rayleigh took her hand "We are in a serious relationship starting today."

 " A... relationship ... with ... shakky and ... you?"

 "Yes, that is if you accept."

 "... what do I have to lose? - sigh" I accept. "

 Dating

 👌 Meetings in unusual places check

 👌Pampering for both of them check

 👌 After the fight, you and Rayleigh became good partners.

 👌 Evening conversations

 LeRayleigh tells of his pirate adventures.  Shakky also shares little of her adventures, but they are not as exciting as those of the vice-captain.

 👌 Master chef contest.  None of you are cooks, but you know how to make excellent foods.  Once in a while there is competition between you to see who made the best dish.

 👌 When you felt more comfortable in the relationship, you started to show your affection.  One of his loving languages in addition to acts of service and quality time is physical touch.  You didn't have anyone in childhood and now that you have, you can enjoy physical contact.

 👌 Both are your little dogs when you decide to have a massage.  If you ask for the moon or world domination in a session they are able to do that.

 Bedroom activities

 🍋 Rayleigh and shakky san were very excited

 🍋Both generally like to take their time, teasing you

 🍋 both had loose hands that liked to pass over your entire body

 🍋 the first few times were expressly shy with them

 🍋 Rayleigh was a gentleman with you the first time.  He tested what's in the green and red area on the scab and rolls

 🍋 When Rayleigh realized you could take it and didn't even care much about aggressive, messy sex.  Things got a little bit exciting

 🍋 All of you live for your strip tease.  Being a stripper gave you an immaculate sex appeal.

 🍋 When you and he got along, you started to appreciate the man too

  Rayleigh and you are people pleasers

 🍋 They are willing to try everything in bed with you.

 🍋After care is excellent.  Full of caresses, words of affirmation and bathtub with the right to wine

 Scenario 🍋

 You were riding Rayleigh while shakky was also on top of him, riding his face.

  Rayleigh watched the interaction between you excited and curious.  This gave more energy to increase the pace of the hype.

  Fay-san already knew your weaknesses, he was hitting everyone, which was making you bewildered and seeing stars.

 His expression became more erotic when you were approaching your orgasm.

 "What a great expression you look y / n chan" shakky said as he massaged her breasts and traced her scars

 "let me look too shakky" Rayleigh asked

  When he saw your expression, it was a blow that took the air out of his stomach.  "What a wonderful expression. It makes me want to see more of them in you."

 "o-stop saying i-that and-i and-I'm ashamed!"

 "I can't, you're too cute!"

  When you and Rayleigh synchronized orgasm with the aid of shakky.  You fell on the bed.  Exhausted and sweaty.  Rayleigh pulled him into his arms along with shakky.

it was a great relationship, very healthy despise the age gap, but everything must come to an end, Rayleigh felt he was stealing your time, he and shakky were old, as much he liked you, you should share a lifetime with someone you love not a slice.

[kenziedrawz]

give the akira wing au lore (please)

oh absolutely. In fact, I'll just give you all the fic outline since I don't know when I am going to actually write it.

the fic outline will be under the cut. it also includes a bit of lore explanation as well so...

but, timeline wise this does take place post near future. And in an alternate timeline of Near-ish Future where Hoshi's group didn't pick to investigate the temple/lake/statue. Quick warning for mentions of human experimentation as well.

also, another disclaimer but this au is subject to change at any time. As it's not as entirely fleshed out as I want it to be. I just wanted to give my boy(akira) wings. So this au may change plotwise in future.

[ Essentially, Akira has (secret, he doesn't know about them) wings due to getting kidnapped at fourteen-fifteen by the conspirators (something about being a potential vessel for Odeo or somethin, idk it’s not touched that much on) and experimented on. Yes Lawless did kick a lot of ass to save him, but that’s not entirely important. This is just backstory lmao. 

The actual fic portion opens up with Akira bitching about school and backpain(/hj).

And yes, he is in class while sulking, hence why Hoshi( still using the last name Asagiri) does come up and ask if he’s okay because Akira’s discomfort could be noticed from the fucking moon. Provide a bit of exposition here. Since this technically takes place in Near-ish Future it’s around a few months after the whole Odeo thing, at least over half a year since then. And during that time Akira had to start high school, which kinda sucks.

And, there’s also fuckass history project. Which is essentially picking a place in Nippori and investigating its history, Akira is silently thanking the gods that his group- which includes Hoshi btw- didn’t pick the temple(Lake of Unity) or Tsukuba Labs. You can automatically guess why he does not want to go to either of those places.

Back to the present, Hoshi points out that Akira’s been slouching a lot more lately and the fact that he seems more surly, Akira briefly mentally notes that someone would have had to actively pay attention to him to notice that, but Hoshi’s weird anyways so he brushes it off… For now, as there’s still the fact that Hoshi is just pretty weird in general under the surface.

It’s not like anyone other that Akira noticed it, considering he can (somewhat) read the other’s thoughts (it’s almost like something’s blocking him out)

Eventually, they wind up going to the nurses office- but the nurse is on vacation, or out, either way there is no nurse and instead of- y’know, just leaving. Hoshi decides ‘fuck it, we ball’ and essentially decides to at the very least, check Akira out to make sure nothing’s really fucked up. Cue a bit of banter and eventually Akira’s getting his back examined, yay!

So it turns out there’s two pretty large bumps near Akira’s shoulders, which is… probably not good since they practically are almost the length of his entire back. Now, Hoshi’s no medical professional, but he can tell there’s definitely something wrong here. Maybe even something of the supernatural variety. Which is pretty weird of an assumption to make in Akira’s opinion.

But, curiosity does take over, and he does touch one of them.

They feel weird, and Akira flinches at the touch. Odd. it’s as if there’s something moving under them.

And since Akira’s been peering into Hoshi’s thoughts for this, he freaks out a bit because what the fuck do you mean theres something under his skin Hoshi- Hoshi notices Akira beginning to silently, y’know, freak out and does attempt to reassure him- it works to a degree.

And then he gets an idea, which is essentially cutting open the bumps, which seem to be whatever is moving under Akira’s skin covered by layers of skin. Like something had grown underneath it. You can use this as a chance to maybe write body horror by the way. But, either way he asks Akira to trust him after he takes a quick search around the medical office and finds a scalpel and a local anesthetic. Akira, after a bit of deliberation, agrees.

So now we’re at the part where Hoshi cuts Akira’s back bumps open. But before doing so he lets Akira take one of his hands, asking him to squeeze it if it feels uncomfortable. And then it actually begins. Hoshi is careful to not, y’know, fuck up and hurt Akira because he’s under the anesthetic and won’t really feel it, but he gets the first thing loose. And there’s a pause.

Akira feels the urge to move, But Hoshi warns to not move ‘them’ until he’s done.

And so Hoshi continues, and the other thing is free. Thus, finally letting Akira move and- Oh, they’re wings.

Oh, they’re wings. Cue realization that this is what the conspirators had done to him at the lab around two-ish years ago. Which is, uh, not fun. He’d thought they just fucked with his mind because he had psychic powers, not this. 

But also, how the fuck did Hoshi get the idea that it might be like this?

As it turns out, Akira might not be the only one who’s gone under human experimentation in the past. But there’s more important manners to deal with now.

Such as how the fuck they’re gonna get Akira to brightsparks, or somewhere that isn’t school while hiding the fact he has wings.]

and that's all i have in the fic outline 👍 be aware that it may change as I work on the au more.

[airyairyaucontraire]

Watching The Mandalorian S3EIforget, "The Pirate"

Okay, 44 minutes of a show that's rapidly losing my allegiance, not for being offensive or brutal, just for being kind of dumb and palpably losing interest in its title character. Let's go then.

If this show was going to go with pirates while also being addicted to re-introducing characters from the CG TV shows, I really feel they could've graced our screens with Hondo Ohnaka. But I fundamentally don't want them to keep bringing in characters from the CG shows. The only exception I would make is Rex, because Temuera Morrison, but I would rather still have more Boba, because also Temuera Morrison.

They haven't even tried to re-member the dismembered IG-11 statue.

shiny ass-kissing droid

and now there are pirates

and I just feel like a man in Greef's position -

actually speaking of Greef's position, I love how before skyping the mossy pirate captain, he squares up and puts his hands on his hips like Henry VIII posing for Holbein

- okay, a man in Greef's position, formerly deeply involved with the bounty hunters' guild, ought to have a staff of mercenaries on site in readiness for shit like this. Instead he's as unprepared for the possibility of bad guys with a big ship showing up wanting to take his stuff as Boba was on Tatooine. Presenting these middle-aged guys who have been involved in the underbelly of the galaxy for their whole adult lives as so naïve about the security challenges of running one's own fiefdom during a somewhat lawless period of regime change is such a bizarre choice. Why is everyone in this show so dumb about stuff they should be totally used to? They're not Luke Skywalker coming from the middle of nowhere with starry eyes and feathered hair. Like they should be smarter than me at this type of thing, and I'm a typist from Auckland.

there's a PIRATE NATION taking over the Mid Rim? THAT I ACTUALLY AM SEMI-INTERESTED IN so I bet they won't show it.

Retreat to the lava flats - a large, open area without shelter or cover. Super.

exsqueeze me, Disney+ subtitler, but PSYCHEDELIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING?

well, the krill farmers are still pumping out the blue juice, I see. And here's a nice Korean Canadian dad - you know what? I feel like Captain Teva is here to provide the Papa Smurf beard that Rex is not onscreen to give us.

Okay, so just as apparently Ragnar just hung out in a dinosaur's crop totally uninjured for 12 hours minimum while a search party stopped to rest overnight on their way to him, Mr Kim has time to travel to Coruscant and try to get a meeting with his superiors while Nevarro is under active pirate attack. He doesn't say "screw it, time is of the essence, I'll render aid and take the consequences." This show's idea of time in rescue situations is bizarre.

Who else feels like this fucking boring New Republic plotline was supposed to be part of the Rangers show that presumably Cara Dune would have headed up if the actress hadn't insisted on being a douchebag on Twitter? And now they're just trying to fold it into The Mandalorian. I resent it.

You know, when I heard the name Tuttle I had a brief feverish flowering of hope that a M*A*S*H tribute about the insanity of military bureaucracy might be in the works, but then it withered.

I know this guy from somewhere, somewhere relatively recent, but I am unable to place him. I am not interested enough to look him up.

I'm so irritated by the lazy cynicism of "If the Rebellion got into power they'd be useless." They're not the Democrats.

so now everyone's just wandering around in the blazing sunlight on hot black lava flats. Sorry Greef, your planet sucks.

And now... is this Jurassic Planet? yep, so I hope he doesn't get eaten by a serpent while he's here. Dude. Sir. You're standing so close to the bay that the mosasaurs like to pop out of. You've got your back to it. Please.

please help me

why does Paz address Teva as "Blue Boy"? He is dressed from neck to ankle in the most garish orange. Paz's own armour is predominantly blue. Is he fucking colour-blind?

Why does the Disney+ subtitler still head up Din's dialogue as "THE MANDALORIAN" when we've known for actual years that his name is Din Djarin?

they pride themselves on their secrecy... and their idiocy.

You know, this would never have happened if you'd stuck with your plan of repairing IG-11. He was no snitch.

Din calls him "Blue" too! HE IS DRESSED IN ORANGE

I CANNOT RECALL THE COLOUR BLUE EVER BEING SIGNIFICANTLY ASSOCIATED WITH THE REBELLION OR NEW REPUBLIC

HE HAS SOME BLUE STENCILS ON HIS HELMET BUT HE DELIBERATELY TOOK THAT OFF AND LEFT IT IN HIS SHIP WHEN HE GOT OUT TO PARLEY SO DIN AND PAZ CAN'T SEE IT

anyway BK's doing her swaggery walk again and while we're at it WHO ELSE PROMINENTLY WEARS BLUE?

and now we're going to have a long, leisurely meeting to discuss because what is time? what is urgency?

"and our children can feel what it is to play in the sunlight" - which we already let them do because we take absolutely no safety precautions about living right next to a bay where dinosaurs regularly pop out of the water or swoop from the sky to devour our young

"Does anyone else wish to speak?" No, because we are all just elaborately dressed extras. We know our place.

I'm... skipping stuff.

So the pirates are boozing it up in the school, like they wanted to. I'm happy that someone got what they wanted.

I like that one warthog pirate!

Did a Salacious B. Crumb monkey just tip off the Mandos?

I know they want me to be excited for the big battle, I know they do... I'm just too grumpy. I have a glass of wine, though, so that's good. Recognisable salmon pink in colour, The Ned Pinot Gris 2022 showcases classic aromas of quince, pear drop and vibrant stonefruit. The palate is lush with juicy nectarine and Braeburn flavours supported by an underlying hint of spice that leads to an unctuous ripe finish. A versatile wine when it comes to food matching with its notable fruitiness and gentle acidity. Try pairing this silky wine with succulent chicken thighs added to a creamy, lemon fettuccine pasta sauce.

you know, I don't usually tolerate words like unctuous and succulent being thrust at me by a mere product description, but I'll allow it

So... there wasn't much point to the mossy pirate at all, was there? Unless he bailed out with a parachute, he blowed up.

yes, the Anzellans are very cute. Always a pleasure to see them.

You know why I have a problem with this effort to do a whole thing about Bo-Katan and reuniting Mandalore and everything? It's the problem of trying to link up with the sequels, which were made before The Mandalorian was a consideration and gave absolutely no hint that the Mandalorians were a consideration either. Did they just "retake Mandalore" and then become totally isolationist, neither fighting the First Order nor supporting the Resistance? Did they get wiped out for keeps? Where were they when shit went down? You don't have to engage with that if you're prepared to just tell a small story of one dude and his kid, and a personal saga of family and faith, friendship and love, but once you commit to doing a big political historical story, you've gotta and it seems doomed to be unsatisfactory.

anyway if people are just whipping their helmets off now I reckon Din should pop back to Tatooine and show Cobb his smile

[rin-yellow]

OKAY OKAY OKAY TIME TO DO WHAT THIS ACCOUNT WAS MADE FOR

Welcome to the true Reader In Yellow experience, I am your host, and it's time for us to SUFFER.

Context first.

SO someone on Twitter (or whatever the muskaloid is calling it now, I ain't fucking know) brought back memories of a book I read like WAAAY long ago and so now I have to share my trauma with y'all.

Prefacing this with trigger warnings: A lot of mentions of human excrement, critiques of odd writing choices, twitter mentioned, mentions of SA, mentions of slavery, mentions of possibly misogyny. Also spoilers for the book I'm gonna be talking about

I'm gonna out myself as a twitter user here (if any of y'all know me on twitter, hi! I am so sorry.) but uhh:

Yeah anyways to sum up the situation Fighting Iron flashbacks are not fun and so I have to rant about this fucking book in a place without a goddamned word limit.

Jake Bible, if you somehow have a tumblr account or a twitter account, you're reading this right now, I'm very sorry.

But also what the fuck, man?

Anyways this was actually a double jumpscare coz I was on the kindle Marketplace recently and Mr Bible brought the book back! But under the title "A Fistful of Mechs" and it has a pretty and fancy new cover. I kinda wonder if he kept the pissing and shitting scenes in.

'Coz it's been a minute since I read the book and I'm wondering if maybe the shitting part was something I was misremembering because there's no way an author is THAT crazy.

But then again I THINK Dead Mech (also by Jake Bible, interesting concept but odd read) also had those kinds of scenes so yeah.

Without further ado it's REVIEW TIME

Okay technically one final further ado,,, FISTFUL OF MECHS ACTUALLY HAS REALLY PRETTY COVER ART

Like I really do like the vibes, although

Ngl it was goofy seeing it with memories of getting THIS on Kindle Unlimited all those years ago:

So anyways.

Because all review ppl summarize their books, and if you don't wanna go to the Bezosinator website to read the back blurb or zoom into the photos of it I included, essentially:

Fighting Iron is a book about cowboys and massive fucking robots. It follows this douche named Clay and his big robot Gibbons, who is a robot who can think. Not sure if Fistful changed the terminology, but in Fighting Iron, Gibbons is referred to as a titular "fighting iron", his thinking AI capabilities having been a thing that was outlawed.

Which is funny, because they do lean into a sort of "lawless wastelands" sort of aesthetic but I guess thinking robots are just a step too far.

It's not even like a good argument against thinking robots either, and I think the author knows it. For the dense: AI irl should be regulated due to its use as fucking parasiteware to collect data. AI in fiction is often just person but robot and in this case, person but really big robot.

If I remember the sequence of events correctly, what happens is that Clay needs fuel for his robot and food for himself and he gets essentially kidnapped or captured or something by this one woman who also ends up like turning him into a slave and (tw) raping him, iirc.

OH and a lot of people REALLY wanna steal his robot.

The rape scene is very uncomfortable and I'm not sure if I remember it correctly but it felt oddly sexualized and just no. Obviously a rape scene isn't SUPPOSED to be comfortable to read otherwise there's something VERY wrong, but it's also like really odd.

(random sidenote: I'm gonna go serious mode for a sec and talk abt myself irl, sorry. Around 2 or 3 years before I read that book I had dealt with being sexually harrassed by some mfer who would constantly hold me in a chokehold and say shit that I'd rather not repeat or remember with any vividity. That sort of shit is never okay, however, this experience may have clouded my judgement when reading that book because the wounds were still somewhat fresh at the time so yeah.)

(worst part is that this was BEFORE I realized I was trans but like god I used to present myself pretty femme back then. I think that experience mighta set me back a few years due to the stigma of that combined with y'know. Idk why I'm even talking abt this, it's a horrible memory. This was meant as a joke review god fucking dammit)

(sorry for getting off track but I felt I had to point this out because it directly contributed to my odd puritan phase because I did NOT want that to ever happen to me again so I like did not trust sexual shit for a minute there.)

AAAANYWAYS, it's rare that sexual assault on males gets tackled in fiction though, so points for that. I don't exactly remember if it was handled too well though.

If I remember correctly, after escaping the slavery lady he then gets kidnapped by a "resistance" faction and then after claiming he hates them, he fights on their side in a big robot rodeo duel thing and in a really cool scene where the robot finds a loophole in the rules of "No AI copilots" by saying that HE is the pilot and that Clay is his copilot.

THis is also the scene where Clay pisses down his robots leg.

I think Clay also shits himself at some point but I can't be bothered to check. So yes, unlike other mecha anime, this one is a book about explosive diarrhea indeed.

Not exactly great.

They then proceed to kill the shit out of the rapist woman who I think they kinda sexualized like as a character but I could be wrong because I read it in my puritan phase where I thought even the MENTION of sex in a book was something terrible and a flaw. So I'm not a reliable source here.

OHHH there was also a cool lady with like burn scars all over her body who fights Clay a few times but I think they kill her off before the big rodeo duel thing. It's a cool death but iirc she gets done in by a construction mech I think, not even the thinking robot, which was sad.

Anyways, things I liked:

-the loophole twist was fun

-Mr Bible sure knows how to write robot fights at times

-Gibbons and Clay had a fun dynamic iirc

-Surprisingly, the main male and female lead do not fuck, which was refreshing because I read this in the middle of binge reading a bunch of borderline-misogynistic kindle unlimited mecha novels I found and those weren't great,,, No clue abt whether or not they do it in the sequel tho

-small points for having them say SLAVERY IS BAD. I shouldn't be awarding points for this but like. Some other kindle novels do not do this?? Especially The Isekai Ones. Ew Ew Ew.

-COOL BURN SCAR LADY. Sadly she supports the rapist woman tho which was fucked up but her character description was still cool af. I'm a sucker for grizzled veteran mecha pilots. I may be horribly misremembering it because I'm fucking gay as shit lol.

speaking of

THings I DIDN'T LIKE:

-they have this really weird fucking scene abt gay people like there's a total of one person in the book iirc who is explicitly stated to be gay and it's played as the butt of a joke (I think???)

-Bible tries REALLY hard to be edgy like some fucking RR Martin knockoff. It doesn't always work and sometimes it gets annoying imo

-Not alot of the resistance faction subplot was too memorable I think

-The rape scene in general

-Guy can NOT find creative ways to describe dead mecha pilots, do NOT let his ass cook.

-The odd descriptions of pissing and shitting. I get the guy wanted a grimy lived-in world but this was NOT exactly my cup of tea.

RAW REACTION FOOTAGE OF MY OLD READTHROUGH NOTES, featuring me from like three years ago:

Note that I was a fucking puritan back then so my notes are NOT great. I censored like ALL my cussing and I'm not sure what I meant by the "communists" part but I think there actually WERE communists in the book and that was a plotpoint?

That mighta been the "resistance faction" I was thinking of

OH I was reviewing this back2back with United States of Japan by Peter Tieryas, which I didn't actually enjoy that much, sorry USJ fans in the chat. Maybe I'll reread and review it here at some point tho!

Also yeah

The book was odd to say the least.

Fighting Iron for y'all. Lot of cowboy, lot of mech, lot of pissing and shitting and weird sex shit and "human jelly" which I dislike that descriptor. Parts of it were fun, parts of it uncomfortable, but it is kind of a formative memory for me lol. I don't recommend it too hard, maybe at some point I'll read the remake "Fistful of Mechs" and its sequel, "A Few Mechs More" and write a REAL review of it that isn't a half-remembered mess. Maybe.

Overall, 4.5/10 read for me, still better than some books I've read. And by some I mean Unity by Jeremy Robinson do NOT get me started on that one because I WILL rant for twelve hours about my irrational hatred for that book do NOT tempt me.

Anyways, that was a wild trip down memory lane.

Maybe I'll do this again some time idfk

But without further adieu, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go and collapse on my bed because this rant took a LOT out of me. This has been your monthly Reader In Yellow Experience, and I bid y'all to stay safe, stay sane, and most importantly, stay Funky.

That last bit is an inside joke that only Three (3) people will get.

[kkas-art]

franmaya week 2021

days 2 [fake relationship] - 3 [formal] - 5 [flowers] - 6 [fame] and 1 [first kiss]

I wished I could have participated in every prompt but it was a great week regardless - so much soft franmaya 💙💜

[teabreakpancakes]

hello !! i’m the wuchang anon , and oh my god that was so cute !!!!! it was so good ty for writing it!! i loved the hot chocolate scene it was so cute 😭😭💟💟 currently thinking ab little girl (is that her name???) and wuchangs son having play dates . also xiefan real!!!! okay sorry for ramblinf in your inbox HEKDJEJ

i'm glad you liked it, here's the playdate anon (*´∇｀*)

sorry if i lack enthusiasm, at this point its kind of just part of my personality as someone who functions on four hours of sleep daily

Parent! Fan Wujiu and Xie Bi'an with Son! Reader, Part Two

Genre: Fluff

The small family walked to the garden holding hands. (Name) swung their arms as they walked, his abundance of energy evident with each step he took.

Memory had asked if they could have a play date since she had new toys and she wanted to show (Name), of course, the boy agreed since who doesn't like new toys?

"Do you think she'w wike the cookies?" (Name) asked, looking up at Bi'an and Wujiu. Wujiu huffed, "These," he gestured to the basket they brought, "are cookies we worked hard on, how could they not taste good."

Bi'an pinched his son's cheek softly, "She'll love them," he reassured, "I'm sure of it since your dad ate an entire tray all by himself" he continued, shooting Fan a glare lacking malice since the other man ate them all before he could have one. Fan looked away, sheepish.

(Name) let go of their hands, running to Memory and Orpheus. He waved at them, stopping right in front of them so he wouldn't crash into them.

"HI! do you want cookies? we made cookies" the lively boy asked, his voice uneven because of how excited he was. Fan and Xie walk up to them, greeting Orpheus before they lead the kids to the table that was already set up.

Memory showed the boy her new dollhouse, (Name) was fascinated by how real it looked, even petting one of the dolls with a naive smile on his face.

They played with the dolls, competing on who could dress the dolls better. They made the dolls walk on a makeshift runway, changing their voices in order to make it seem like there was an audience.

"And the winner is," Memory said in her best male voice, "Miss Claudia!" she gleefully declared. (Name) made his doll walk up the table as the adults cheered Miss Claudia on.

Xie, Fan and Orpheus clapped and cheered for the children as they played, it wasn't a show without an audience after all.

"Thank you thank you" (Name) said in his best girl voice, which wasn't hard since his voice was high pitched in the first place, you couldn't really decipher if he was a boy or a girl unless you actually asked him.

They played hide and seek with the adults after that, you should've seen how determined they all were to win. (Name) even saw Orpheus rolling on the ground in order to get farther from Memory while staying out of sight.

In the end though, Memory found them all since Bi'an fell out of the tree he was hiding in, Fan accidentally toppled over a box, (Name) being in the said box and Orpheus running into her because he thought he was getting away from her when in reality she could see his hair over the hedges.

They even played tag with some of the survivors and hunters, it was very funny to see Naiad running away from Memory. The hunters were all running from (Name) and Memory since they were it.

The oh so scary hunters were shrieking while being chased by kids.

Funniest thing of all was that Joseph caught it all on camera so now he has blackmail against everyone that played.

Xie and Fan let themselves get caught, hugging (Name) and swinging him around when he did.

(Name) loves his family and all his friends, he's glad that he met them. He wants to have more play dates in the future.

bonne nuit tout le monde

i have run out of candy - lawless

edit: i like the random switch to french, ngl, it's confusing to learn more languages

[sugar-petals]

#Scream For Me (m)

↳ PAIRING. sub!hyunjin x domme!reader

↳ SUMMARY. It’s his first time. You’re in charge. He lets loose. 

↳ WORDS. 3k

warnings ⚠️ spit play, fingering, blindfolds, ribbon bondage, handjobs, casual domination, oral (f receives), slow dick riding, as you can tell by the title he’s very loud, sloppy sex, choking, aftercare

♡ NOTE ➝ surprise surprise, writing for stray kids today! vocal hyunjin is domme candy👌

“I’ll be very gentle,” you hook two fingers down the hem of his jeans. Hyunjin quickly nods: Both your attention lies on just how much his pants are bulging out already. As long as you stay focussed, surely this will be a calm first time for him— Well, we’ll see about that. In fact, if you already knew what is slumbering inside of him? You’d get fucking ready.

“Can I please touch you as well?”

He’s fumbling at your thighs, your dress, and you can feel his nervousness in the fingertips already.

“You can. But first— Mommy unwraps her present. You know how it goes.“

And it’s a big present, I’m telling you. So big, you have a hard time smoothly unzipping him in one go. And since his hips won’t hold still — God is he sensitive to touching, but hey, what’s not to like — undressing him takes some real maneuvering. It’s not easy to whip a 300 feet yacht out of some average harbor. 

“Do you like it?” 

“Uh-huh. Something I can work with right there.”

A bit of lube distributed in both hands, a deep breath, now you’re good to go. You give it a few pumps to accommodate Hyunjin to your touch. As expected: He’s not very stoic about it. Even though he’s fully reclined on your bed, and it couldn’t be any cozier, he bucks up.

“Ah!“

“Don’t worry. Just teasin’. Here,” you give him access to your dress by lifting it past your hip. His left hand finds its way past your underwear pretty fast. Guess who’s relieved by a distraction from his spike in arousal. Now that you think about it, he might like some casual handjobs in the daytime or while driving. During cuddles, maybe. 

How not to touch him all day. He’s all big and girthy, he reacts well. Your fingers fits perfectly around him, too. Hyunjin’s nice as fuck to hold and stroke. Not to mention lightning fast when it comes to reciprocating. He’s shy about a lot of things, and that’s because of having few experience, but not about being mutual. Green flag.

“So wet...”

“Just for you. Go ahead, take a dip.“

Hyunjin definitely looks like he’s having the time of his life just fingering you. Freestyle, no rules, no strategies. He delights in just pleasing you at every angle. Fuck, his hands are so nice. At one point, you resort to ripping off your panties altogether. Easier access. He gets even harder in your palm.

“Is that good?”

“That’s good, babe. Keep on circling.”

Those lips probably make for an even more unruly type of stimulation between your legs. If they’re only half as lawless, Jesus you’ll be spiralling already. They’re so nice and plump. Big cock, big lips, is there some sort of correlation? Anyway. Hyunjin feels like the type to eat pussy obsessively, so. But you think you have to be careful introducing him to it. Knowing him, he’d straight up suffocate himself on first try. Hwang Hyunjin, death by pussy.

“Can I try it with my lips as well, please?“

Fate has its way of doing things, huh. And he knows you’ve been looking at his lips, doesn’t he.

“I’ll only let you kiss and suck until I count to thirty. Wait, let me get on my back.”

“Okay!”

Switching spots lets you feel the warmth where Hyunjin just led his back. He doesn’t waste much time. One blink and he props up his lips at your entrance, waiting for instructions. Well shit.

“Keep it shallow,” you get a fistful of his hair. “Kiss, kiss. Like that. Move it just an inch upward. Don’t touch your cock, I still wanna ride it later. Lay flat on the bed. Put your hands around my thighs. 29, 28...“

At that prospect, he becomes even more obedient. His tongue doesn’t do a bad job at all. Oh wonder, he breathes just fine. First time eating you out: You get the impression that this guy has some serious talent there.

“Tastes really good. It’s all bubbly,“ Hyunjin smiles bright from ear to ear. You’ve just stopped counting by now.

“Ugh, fuck it. Just eat, eat.”

That goes on for almost five minutes, in fact. He licks and services you perfectly. That his lips feel ten times more sensual than they already look has your breath going much shorter and your grip in his hair much tighter. So much about making assumptions. And it makes sense, not having his cock stimulated has Hyunjin cooling down a little. Suspiciously so. 

When you were stroking him off, he’d go wild right along. Conclusion: Handjobs and Hyunjin are like pressing a red button. Eating pussy: Chill area. Noted. Complete slobbery wetness: Also noted. You wonder what that’s good for.

“Hyunjin, should we go for it now? I want you inside me. You’ll slip right in so nicely. I’ll take good care of you, you don’t have to be nervous.“

“Can we kiss while we do it?”

Nothing you’d love more. You lay Hyunjin just where he started out, get a soft black ribbon from the nightstand. As promised, you tie his arms above his head, not too tightly or anything. A simple bow tie keeps the whole thing together, making it easy to open. The loose ends dangle at the sides of his wrists, teasing his skin. Goosebumps. It all makes for a nice view of his arms, and his head is brought a little forward, it’s perfect to kiss. He’s practically on the verge of kissing without you moving your lips close to his.

Starting with a little peck on the forehead and nose, you make sure he feels well in his position and get a second black ribbon to tie his eyes. A bit tighter, just so it won’t come off when his head moves. The knot you place on the right side rather than the back of the head, it’d be uncomfortable against the pillow he’s rested on. Hyunjin gets more and more excited.

“I want you to just feel. Do you want me to start?”

 “Yes—,” he says. “And, do it slowly. I don’t want you to hurt yourself also.“

He’s so sweet. And he knows his dick is kinda massive. Too many first times ruined because of that. 

“Extra slow, Hyunjin. I’ll make this feel really great for us. Come, kiss me.”

Your tongues connect just when you get hold of him with your right hand. The touch has Hyunjin groaning into the kiss—

Pretty fucking strongly.

There he goes again. Your fingers, red button, the whole shebang. Little did you know he’d start whining even more the second you line him up between your pussy lips, and move his tip around a bit. Just to say hi to your clit, and to give yourself a good feel of what’s going in first. Hyunjin is literally falling apart below you already. He can barely keep it in. 

And you can’t keep it out: Finally, you point his cock tip between your labia, and his saliva is just perfect to help you glide it past the entrance. Hyunjin’s kisses are getting hungry and desperate, and even louder, with heavy breaths along the way. 

“Jesus Christ,” he’ll catch you mumbling, and you can feel his dick throbbing. “Let me hear you!”

“You’re squeezing me! Oh shit, shit!”

Looks like someone’s very passionate to say the least. It didn’t stop with the handjob, then. Any kind of contact with his dick is having Hyunjin’s voice do somersaults. Guess why he’s walking around so noisily all day when he’s just walking and his pants do their thing like, giving him a good rub even if it’s just lightly on the surface.

With reactions like that, Hyunjin’s dick is well inside of you without any further ado. Boyfriend moaning, pussy open. While you’re enjoying the feel of being completely full with him, and imagine how deep his spit is being thrust inside you — oh god, yes — Hyunjin seems to have his own imaginations. The blindfold was both a good and a bad idea. He can’t anticipate your next move, but he also seems to feel you sliding him in twice as much. 

“Are you thinking I’m some kind of succubus, huh.”

You tease, wiggle your hips. Causing one loud fucking moan.

“It feels that way, ah!”

“Are you gonna scream your lungs out when I start moving, hm?“

“I can’t control it!”

“Let’s see then.”

You lean back into the kiss, bent forward just enough to change the way his dick is aligned inside of you all over again. A little bounce and the position is perfect.

“Wow, look. This is a good angle. It just goes right in.”

“Hn—!”

It’s amazing how he reacts at your mercy. Your kisses stifle the moans, but they also make him more on edge because he wants to let it out. Congrats, you’ve found the officially best way to torture him. 

“So. How about doing this.”

You raise your hips. It takes quite some effort to pull him out that far because he’s so girthy. It’s literally pulling at your walls as if they don’t wanna let him go. You do it slowly, terribly slow, every millimeter has your pussy lips deliciously tracing another facet of him. Moving up means cleaning some more saliva off his shaft. It all goes inside you. God bless his runny mouth while he was eating you out. 

Only Hyunjin’s tip remains inside of you. The air hitting what was previously buried inside you makes for a surefire way to make him break the kiss and bite his lips. 

“My cock! My, ah, my!”

His hands are all wobbly above his head. As are his legs behind you. 

“How are we taking it down there.”

“If you do that hip thing again, I can’t guarantee anything!“

So that’s what makes his heart beat faster.

“I’d be damn cruel making you cum so early, darling. Sooner or later I’ll milk all your semen anyway.“

Well, succubus indeed.

“I’ll just blow up, I can’t!“

“You’re lucky I won’t be riding you full-speed or something. You’re just too big for that. But what if I do the hip thing and you can’t cum?”

“Oh fuck!“

For good measure, you nuzzle him generously, and yes, do the thing. The agony in his expression is not even the full effect of what you’ve done. Hyunjin is screaming out loud. 

“And that was with a warning. I’ll do it again and if you can stand it, you get some pussy in your face. Wanna get treated?”

“Please, please treat me!”

“But first...”

To add some extra spice, you push down to his base all over again. Hyunjin arches, his teeth are almost sewn shut from the pressure of his tight jaw. Once he’s balls deep, you flick your hip just a little. A loud moan simmers into a little mewl, the jaw unclenches, his tongue starts lapping out. You’ve truly shut off his brain right now.

“Very well done.”

Pulling out works faster now, but you notice how it’s not as slippery anymore. A lot of Hyunjin’s spit has gathered around the lower third of his dick. It’s a nice sight to have it drip on his terribly swollen balls that are probably going through a whole bunch of things right now. 

“Good thing you get something to slurp on. We need more spit. Use your mouth!”

Hyunjin’s cock being untouched right now seems to take the edge off, but his mouth, holy shit. His mouth is on an eager spree to wet you up all over. On top of your own lubrication, Hyunjin provides another ridiculous amount of leakage all over your clit and folds. It’s running all over his face. 

The blindfold gets soaked as does his nose. A frantically moaning Hyunjin doesn’t seem to stop slurping and pushing out spit, you swear he’s gonna fucking drown. That method. It’s completely chaotic just like his fingering. You weren’t wrong, then. He might die then, but at least you’re able to remove the blindfold, wearing that is too gross. Hyunjin is excitedly blinking at you through his own spit like the sun is blinding him but he doesn’t mind.

“Mnm—nh!”

“I love you. Amazing. Look at this. You’re so nasty. Come, let’s do this again. Hope that cock can push all that into me. It’s too good to waste.“

You get back to squatting on his dick, admittedly a little wobbly on the mattress now. Hyunjin’s satanic ritual tongue does not go without a notice. Nor does the way you slide back down on him, and back up.

“Oh woah!”

A clean thrust. Your pussy is dripping so much on him, a little stream glosses over the thread of veins on the underside. Before it reaches down and disappears between his thighs, you make sure to collect it with another thrust. Hyunjin stares just right at his cock disappearing in you, framed by your labia stretching out. His jaw is completely dropped.

“Yes, that’s how we’re looking like. You have a great cock. Listen to that sound.”

Smooth gliding and a wet little smack when you touch down.

“It’s, it’s amazing... It feels so warm and creamy.”

“Watch. I’ll be stirring your spit all inside me.“

Slowly, carefully, you ride him again, this time connecting several thrusts. Hyunjin looks adorable with his wide eyes and sweaty face. 

“Yes! Oh yes, oh.... That feels so good.”

“Nothing wasted. You’re doing really well. You’re good at this.“

You lean in for a deep kiss. Only after you tongue him down do you realize just how much he’s ruined his mouth. It’s so sticky and wet, and his lips are so exhausted. They’ve been swelling up more than you thought they would, he’s really put them to the test like a champ. Well, they’ve lost their virginity, too. The kiss ends with two wet mouths parting by a thread.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Yes. I really love it. Thank you, Hyunjin. Can I finish off first? I wanna use my hands to make you cum.“

“You’re the best,“ he becomes flustered, and watches in awe just how you reposition yourself all over again, pointing his cock at his belly flat this time. It’s perfect to just grind right above it. A bit of fluid leaking from your pussy mixed with lube and spit makes for the best slippery help to get your clit some intense stimulation from gliding squarely across Hyunjin’s bit vein. 

“Fucking hell, babe. That’s a wonder dick.”

How he throbs and pulsates is the last push it needs to get close. You loosen the tie of Hyunjin’s ribbon and his hands dart around you, hold you, and he winds his hips to give you more of the friction. 

But this time, he’s moving faster, and your orgasm arrives quicker than you count from 30, not even that. You get messy on his balls and base, and Hyunjin almost loses it from having you grind on him. That he’s been holding it in until now is a miracle. His hair is nothing but sweaty streaks right now.

As soon as the waves of pleasure become smaller and you can think again, both your and his hand come wrapping around his shaft. No problem moving your palms around, he’s covered in all that honey. Plus there’s more space, he could fit three palms. It feels so intimate doing it together and being in sync. Hyunjin’s broken moans and whines are well accompanied by more hip bucks and a quicker pace. Your two hands squeezing up and down makes Hyunjin start to beg to you.

“Please use the other hand, please, please choke me through this!“

You go for a lighter grip, hell, he hasn’t done this before, but Hyunjin isn’t having it. The protest is all loud and clear.

“Squeeze my throat! Please, harder, do it hard, please!”

You press down at either side of his neck, and make sure to translate that onto his cock as well, still jerking him off. You don’t let go until he’s cumming. 

A thick white spurt empties between the intertwine of your fingers. Hyunjin squeals out loud, catching air, almost crying. Another load has him all shaky, growling, and rubbing his own hand around yours to push out even the last bits of sperm. Surprise, there’s more cum leaking out.

“Oh, what to do with all that big dick.”

“It’s, it’s so much!“

“Come here with that milk.“

You lower your face on him and let the last clear bits come up against your puckered lips. They spread his cum all over the tip, kiss it, catch new threads, swirl them around while your hands are pumping the lower half, all the meaty girth. Never missing an opportunity for torture. Hyunjin is screaming and suffering all over again. His semen has been oozing all over your hands. 

“Clean it, babe. We’ll lay down in a minute. That’s an amazing icing.”

Hyunjin’s tongue has a last job and it does it well. Your fingers are super clean and well-kissed, his lips are so glorious. You’re both dizzy, but you at least manage to towel down. Because his face is a mess, your lips are dripping, your pussy is a swimming pool of spit, and that ruined dick has seen some things today, oh yeah it did. What better way to leave its virginity inside of you all slicked up and sloppy. 

Hyunjin starts freezing very fast by now, and you get a weighted blanket, with you on top of him, in a sweater, just because. Sharing heat is caring heat. You love cuddles after sex.

“Say something cute and nasty,” he pouts, and you think of a good way to summarize the evening. 

“I mean look at you. You���re officially a slut now. My slut,” you pinch his nose. “If you want. Let’s have some fun like that tomorrow again. I can’t wait, you know. That’s a really loud boy I got myself.“

“Oh yes, tomorrow!”

“I might be blowing you for more of that icing. It was really nice and sugary.“

“I eat lots of fruit!”

Now that’s a keeper.

“And I gotta say, shit...“

“You came really hard on my dick, right.”

Hyunjin makes an innocent face saying that, but you know very well how he’s been taking you in, he’s learning.

“Yeah.“

“That was that sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

He smiles a little, exhausted, but flustered. 

“Lot more to come. That’s only the first time for you.”

“I’ve been thinking that as well. Say it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen until tomorrow.“

“Exactly right. That’s the idea,” you kiss his neck now, breathing in the afterglow. “And, by the way. Um. I hope I removed the ribbons at the right timing.“

“It was in the right moment!“

“Should we try more like that next time?”

“I like it.“

“Me too. You look perfect tied up.”

The blindfold did the trick, you know it. Hyunjin has hardly reacted to your touch like that when cuddling. Although, that’s hard to compare, is it.

“And... You really could have choked me a little harder by the way.“

Hyunjin knows just how to mimic you. Another nose pinch for you, young man.

“We didn’t plan it so I thought I’d go easy on you. But if you like it. You want it rougher, don’t ya. You just wanna fucking scream.“

“I’ll admit it,” he nuzzles his face into your sweater. “I’m just very loud...”

“We’ll see what kind of ideas I’ll come up with to get you even louder. Deal?”

“Favorite deal.“

FINAL NOTE. thank you for reading - caro 🐅

© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts allowed.

[the-evil-duckling]

And now that Pride Month's over, Let's Talk About Pratchett.

The companies have taken down their flags. The marches and rallies are fading away. Rainbow colours are melting back into grayscale. And now that all the hubbub is dying down, let's talk about an author who did perhaps more than any other to introduce gender-and-sexual minorities to the public (and not just as a cute oddity to be cooed at from a distance, either).

Let's talk about an author whose works are perhaps the most representative, hard-hitting, and wholesome, in all of well-written English literature.

Let's talk about Pratchett.

Before we dive into the lovely little nitty-gritties, I want to just take a quick look at what Pratchett's writing really is, and what makes it so very exceptional. It's pretty simple, really.

He's funny.

That's the "secret" formula to Terry Pratchett's success across the global; he's funny everywhere, everywhen, across multiple generations and multiple decades and multiple geopolitical borders. You don't have to read Discworld with a lot of effort, thinking deeply after every line about the message the author is trying to convey. You don't have to analyze every character and every situation to see how the author is sculpting a crystal-clear mirror and holding it up to the face of Society. When I'm feeling down (cause college and life and pressure and dreams) and wanna start gouging out my forearms with my nails, I can just curl with one of my comfort books (like Men At Arms, or Unseen Academicals) and laugh and chuckle and just feel better. You can just enjoy it.

Now, I think, I can get to the fun stuff; analysing all of my favourite characters and the roles that they represent in mirroring Pratchett's view of People. (I should mention at this point that I am mainly going to be focussing on the Sam Vimes novels, and what I will be writing are my own thoughts and opinions. Anyone who knows more - or has just read/interpreted the books differently - is of course free to add their own musings.)

Fred Colon: Sergeant Colon is that rarest and yet most typical of things: Fred Colon is an ordinary person. He is no hero, or genius, or leader. He is not evil or even mildly malicious. And that is the very point that needs to be understood. People (most people) are not deliberately evil; they are, on the whole, fairly decent people who treat their friends well and try not to make enemies. It is just... petty selfishness, petty prejudices, petty apathy... all summated in every single member of the populace, and suddenly everyone knows that dwarfs are just money-grubbing bastards who'd bite your kneecaps off for a copper coin and trolls are dumber than the rocks they're made off but they'll as soon smash you to pulp as look at you and you can't trust a vampire cause they're too dead to be alive and-

Carrot Ironfoundersson: Captain Carrot is a cliché. Captain Carrot is a cliché wrapped inside a trope hidden in a Mary Sue, all turned on its head. Captain Carrot, rightful heir to the throne of Ankh, leader of all manner of beings, man who once beat Detritus in a fistfight... is not the hero of this story. In any other series, the story would have been of a brave new cop (who is also the king) standing up to the corruption and lawlessness of the Patrician while taking advice from his grizzled old half-drunk commander who dies four chapters into the first book with some vaguely portentous words that the hero remembers at the very last minute to give him the tools/strength/motivation necessary to keep fighting. But this is Pratchett. And the hero of the story, if there is one, is very much the grizzled old commander. Two other points have also always struck me about Carrot. The first is the matter of identity. Biologically, Carrot is very much a human, but in all other ways that matter he is entirely a dwarf - his name is Kzad-bhat, and even the deep-down dwarfs do not question his dwarfishness - and yet that does make him any less a human. In this is reflected the multiplicity of identity (not just of gender, which is what most people immediately jump to, but all identities). The second point is of the relationship between Carrot and Angua, which seemed to me a representation of a healthy dom/sub relationship. Unlike the twisted shit we find on ao3 (and in some published books that I don't feel that I need to name), Angua is at no point portrayed as lesser, weaker, incapable, dependent, or deferent. She is her own person, and the two of them just happen to have this kind of chemistry.

Samuel Vimes: Ahhhh. His Grace, His Excellency, The First Duke of Ankh, Blackboard Monitor Samuel Vimes, Commander of the City Watch. The protagonist, if not quite the hero, of the series. He is not perfect, not even close. He is casually discriminatory (species-ist?) and thoughtless in most of what he says. his saving graces are that his discrimination is universally applied at all beings living and dead, and that he has never, not even once, allowed his personal feelings of prejudice stand in the way of justice (which is at times, all that separates him from Fred Colon). Does that mean that it's all okay, and everything is now fine and dandy and hunky-dory? No. Not even fucking close. Words matter and actions matter and even how you feel deep inside - all of it matters. Prejudice is prejudice, and it is always wrong. there are no mitigating circumstances, no 'yes, but...' that can make it acceptable. But only an idealistic idiot would say that it is not better than the alternative. And this is the reason that Vimes is one of my favourite protagonists; he is not a hero. He is real.

Leonard of Quirm: A parody of the public perception of a genius (perhaps of Roundworld's Tesla and da Vinci), I have loved Leonard as a character ever since I realised he was gay. Allow me to elaborate. As I was recently re-reading Jingo, I noticed a line that went something like 'He started drawing how The-Going-Under-The-water-Safely-Device could be improved, piloted by a muscular man who was not overdressed'. And just like that, a couple dozen other off-hand comments slotted into place and I realized the homosexual truth. And I love this portrayal of homosexuality, because most books or movies or tv shows or fanfictions with a gay MC (or even sidekick) tend to have a storyline roughly equivalent to 'hey my name is [insert name here] and I'm GAY and I have a destiny to save the world and my family and my GAY boyfriend whom I'm dating cause I'm GAY and before I go outside I have to pick my outfit really carefully better go with salmon-rose-flutter pink cause I'm GAY and now I'm outside and I'm not very popular and this is my tragic backstory cause a lot of people don't like me cause I'm GAY and-' Yeah. This is not good writing. By barely mentioning anything, Pratchett somehow still managed to emphasise that a) homosexuality is one of your identities, not all of them and b) just because a story has a character who is gay doesn't mean that the story becomes about a character being gay.

Trev Likely: One sentence. Just one sentence. 'Hating people was too much work.'

If you actually made it this far, you are obliged to reblog. I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules. (Please?)

[engie-ivy]

Minerva isn't sure she can protect Remus Lupin any longer now a student has been injured the night of the full moon. Especially when Walburga Black is demanding repercussions for her son, after what was clearly a Werewolf attack. Sirius Black, however, tells a very different story.

Lupine Lawlessness

“This is outrageous!” Walburga Black immediately rounds on Minerva the moment the woman strides into the Hospital Wing, her voluminous robes billowing behind her.

Minerva notices Mrs Black barely spares her injured son in the bed a glance. She also notices how the boy slightly shrinks in on himself as he hears her voice. Then, Mrs Black is standing in front of her, and all her attention is directed at being on the receiving end of Walburga Black’s fury.

“I knew you and that old fool would be the ruin of this school. It’s one thing that the place is infested with Halfbloods and Mudbloods, but harbouring a Dark Creature?”

“Mrs Black,” Minerva says politely. “I understand this must be very distressing for you as a mother, and I’m very sorry indeed, but we are yet to establish what happened.”

“Do you take me for a fool?” Mrs Black spits. “That type of claw marks, on which Healing Magic has no effect, while yesterday was a full moon? It’s very clear what has attacked him, and that thing had no business being on school grounds.”

Minerva herself has put two and two together as well. It was easier for her, as she’s aware there’s a student infected with Lycanthropy attending Hogwarts. A student who also happens to have been a close friend of Sirius Black.

Oh, she had really thought they were going to pull it off. They had come so far. She had been sceptical at first. A Lycanthrope attending seven years of Hogwarts without any incidents, without anyone finding out? It appeared unlikely, but she had agreed to try. And then she met Remus Lupin, and she had been very glad she did so. The boy was sweet, modest, hardworking and clever, and he deserved to have a proper education, but also to be around peers, make friends, and have fun. Now, when she had really started to believe it was going to be alright, the worst had happened. A student had been attacked.

It’s not difficult to reason out what must’ve happened. Sirius Black must’ve seen his friend disappear into the tunnel below the Whomping Willow, and had decided to go after him, only to end up face-to-face with a full-grown werewolf.

Minerva’s first reaction had been relief. Relief that Sirius Black was going to be okay. Some nasty injuries that would leave some nasty scars, but no permanent damage, which is quite a miracle. It could’ve been much, much worse.

But relief had quickly been replaced with worry. While the headmaster and herself can get in serious trouble for allowing a Lycanthrope in the vicinity of children, her worry was mostly for Remus Lupin. The world is unfairly cruel to Lycanthropes. Graduated from Hogwarts, with his formidable grades and excellent recommendations from his teachers, the boy would’ve at least had a chance, but being expelled from Hogwarts... His only option might be The Werewolf Camps in the mountains, where Lycanthropes go if they have nowhere else to go, which, regrettably, is often. Stories about those camps make your stomach churn, and it’s not a place for a boy like Remus Lupin to be.

Sirius Black must surely know it was Remus Lupin who did this, and he has every right to be angry. School is supposed to be a safe place, not a place where an unsuspecting student can suddenly be mauled by a Werewolf. Minerva doesn’t know if, or how, she can protect Remus Lupin from the consequences.

“The House of Black is a highly esteemed family,” Mrs Black goes on. “A Black being attacked by such an inferior creature without any repercussions would be an insult to our family name. It’s already a great show of disrespect that you even allowed this to happen, and we do not tolerate disrespect.”

“I truly regret the situation,” Minerva says, hoping to sooth the other woman. “At Hogwarts, any student should be safe from any kind of danger-”

“But this was not just any student or any kind of danger,” Mrs Black interrupts. “This was the Noble Blood of Black being spilled by a filthy monster that should be removed from society!”

“Really, Mrs Black, we are yet to determine-”

Once again, Minerva is interrupted, this time by the arrival of a man.

“Lady Black, my apologies for my tardiness, but I came as you requested,” he says, ignoring Minerva in favour of focusing all his attention on Mrs Black. The man is short, with sharp eyes and a pointy face, and he looks at Mrs Black with reverence.

Mrs Black scoffs. “Quit wasting time then and get to work.”

The man starts opening his briefcase, taking out a quill and parchment.

“What is the meaning of this?” Minerva demands. “Who are you? What business do you have here?”

“Mr Hesner is from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures,” Mrs Black replies. “And he’s here at my request to make a report of the situation.”

The colour drains from Minerva’s face. Being expelled is bad, but nothing compared to an official Ministry report. If a Lycanthrope is reported to have somehow been involved in an attack on a witch or wizard, the Lycanthrope will get the annotation ‘Feral’ in the Registry. All hopes of ever finding a job or a place to live will be lost. The Lycanthrope will have to report at the Ministry at frequent and irregular times, and any failure to report will lead to the Lycanthrope immediately being locked away. The Lycanthrope will be out on the streets without any money or prospects, and even the smallest transgression will lead to being locked up. Almost every Lycanthrope with the ‘Feral’ annotation will be either locked up, or forced to flee to the mountains within a year. Remus Lupin certainly does not deserve such a fate.

“Is... is that really necessary?” Minerva asks.

“Very necessary indeed,” Mr Hesner replies. “If you had any sense of morality, you would’ve contacted us yourself, Ms McGonagall. Luckily, we could count on Mrs Black to do the right thing,” he says, with a grovelling smile in her direction.

“Can you imagine if that beast would’ve bitten him?” Mrs Black shudders. “What a stain on the family tree that would’ve been, to have a Lycanthrope in the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black!”

To make sure no one will make the mistake of confusing her fear for shame on the Black family name with fear for her son’s well-being, she doesn’t mention that her son might not have survived the bite, or that he would’ve had to live with an extremely painful, chronic condition for the rest of his life. She probably would’ve burnt the boy off the family tree herself, and sent him to go live in the mountains.

“That would’ve been such a waste,” Mr Hesner agrees, before turning to Sirius Black. “Well, young Mr Black, I need an official statement containing your description of the events.”

Sirius Black looks thoughtful for a moment. “I was... attacked. By some kind of creature.”

“Describe the attack please,” Mr Hesner instructs without looking up from his parchment, quill at the ready.

“Oh, the creature was... round.” Mr Hesner’s eyes snap up, but Sirius Black continues. “Like pumpkin-shaped. But huge. Like a huge pumpkin. Only covered in bright yellow feathers. With bulging eyes in between. And two glittering horns on top of its head.”

“You’re treating this like some kind of a joke!” Mr Hesner says accusingly, pointing his quill in Sirius Black’s direction.

“Why, sir,” Sirius Black says, pretending to be shocked. “I protest. I would never!”

“If you can’t be serious...��� Mr Hesner says, gritting his teeth.

Sirius Black blinks innocently at him. “Ask anyone, Mr Hesner, and I’m sure they’ll all tell you that I’m always Sirius.”

“I’ve dealt with Magical Creatures for longer than you have lived, boy,” Mr Hesner spits. “And I know such a creature as you described does not exist.”

Sirius Black shrugs. “Who knows what creatures the Forbidden Forest hides?”

“Did the attack meddle with his brain?” Mrs Black demands.

Minerva shakes her head. “Madam Pomfrey has assured me that his mental state is unaltered.”

“So I have to believe he was attacked by a horned ball of yellow feathers?” Mrs Black snarls.

“Who knows what creatures the Forbidden Forrest hides?” Minerva repeats Sirius Black’s exact words. Sirius Black gives her a pleased smile, which she gladly returns.

Mrs Black, on the other hand, gives her a nasty glare, and then switches her attention to Mr Hesner, who shrinks in on himself. “His chest is covered in Werewolf marks the day after a full moon. It’s obvious what happened even without his statement.”

Mr Hesner gulps. “I... I’m sorry, lady Black. I’m not allowed to report an attack without an official statement from the victim. I mean, only if the victim had died I could’ve...” He trails off.

Mrs Black now directs her glare at her son, like she regrets the last isn’t the case. “I’ll make you pay for this.”

Sirius Black becomes even more pale, but he continues to defiantly meet his mother’s gaze.

“I do not tolerate anyone threatening my students,” Minerva speaks.

Mrs Black turns her head to her. “He’s my son. I can do whatever I want when it concerns him.”

Minerva takes a step forward. Her eyes are like stone and her voice is like ice. “Not in my school.”

To her great satisfaction, Mrs Black takes a step back and swallow. She quickly recovers though, and pulls her cloak tighter around herself. She gives Sirius Black a quick glance and hisses “I’ll see you this summer,” before walking out of the room in quick strides, Mr Hesner having to dribble to keep up, her robes billowing behind her in that way only purebloods ever seem to manage.

“Are you quite done?”

Minerva turns around to see Poppy standing behind her, her arms crossed over her chest. “Really, you don’t have to be a professional to know that a recovering patient needs rest, not all this uproar and noise. That goes for you too, Minerva. You might run this school after Albus, but I run the Hospital Wing. Now leave. My patient needs to sleep.”

A few days later, Minerva makes her way over to the Hospital Wing. Sirius Black has had some days to recover, and luckily, his recovery is going well. She hopes he has also been able to process everything that happened.

A difficult conversation still needs to be had.

She’s immensely glad Sirius Black hadn’t wanted to report Remus Lupin at the Ministry, but still, he could’ve been killed, and she can’t imagine he’ll be okay with there being no repercussions at all. She thinks she might be able to talk him out of demanding Remus Lupin to be expelled, and in the best case scenario, she can convince him to keep it quiet.

It’s not that she thinks Sirius Black is in any way cruel or anything like his family, not at all. She has a very high opinion of the boy. It’s just that Lycanthropy prejudice is very strong throughout the Wizarding World. Even the best person has some negative thoughts regarding Werewolves. The sentiment is especially strong among the pureblood community, and Sirius was raised with their norms and values. Regardless, she can’t imagine anyone would be okay with finding out a person they thought they knew is a Lycanthrope. Remus Lupin will definitely have to move out of the boys’ dormitory, maybe even to a private room. No one would be willing to keep sharing a dorm with someone that tried to kill them. Maybe she can-

Minerva stops in her tracks as she reaches the Hospital Wing, all thoughts of appeasing Sirius Black disappearing from her head.

Sirius Black isn’t alone. Remus Lupin is with him. Like actually with him on the bed. Remus Lupin is curled up at Sirius Black’s side, his hands gripping Sirius Black’s robes and his head resting on Sirius Black’s chest. Sirius Black has one arm firmly wrapped around Remus Lupin, and with his other hand he’s gently threading his fingers through Remus Lupin’s hair. The boys haven’t noticed her presence.

“I am so, so, so sorry,” Remus says, and probably not for the first time.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I did it.”

“You can’t control it.”

“I could’ve stayed away from you,” Remus argues. “I can control that. A filthy monster that should be removed from society.”

Sirius huffs. “That’s just a bunch of pureblood bollocks only stuck-up twats with half a brain still living in the Middle Ages actually believe.”

“Your mother thinks so.”

“I rest my case.”

Remus chuckles and presses his face closer to Sirius’ chest. “I can barely believe you’re real. I don’t deserve you.”

“Moony,” Sirius says with a sigh. “I told you, The Wolf wasn’t even trying to hurt The Dog. You weren’t feral! The Wolf wanted to play, and didn’t know his own strength, and kind of forgot dogs aren’t as strong as Werewolves. Even transformed, you never meant to hurt me.”

The Dog? An absurd thought enters Minerva’s mind, a thought that surely sheds a different light on what may have happened. Absurd for sure, but also... plausible? And if anyone can do it...

No. Minerva firmly pushes the thought away. It might be true, or it might not be. Either way, she doesn’t need to know. After all, what you don’t know, you can’t report to The Ministry.

“And even if The Wolf fancied himself some Padfoot for breakfast,” Sirius continues. “I still wouldn’t have blamed you. It’s not you.”

“You’re going to have a scars for the rest of your life,” Remus murmurs against Sirius’ chest.

Sirius gently tilts his head up. “Then it’s a good thing I think scars are sexy,” he says with a wink, making Minerva wonder whether it might be more than just close friendship she’s looking at.

A faint blush spreads across Remus’ cheeks, and he slightly shakes his head. “You can’t accept my apologies that easily.”

“Oh no, Moony. Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Sirius says, tapping his finger fondly against Remus’ nose, which again makes Minerva question their level of intimacy. “I have, in fact, not accepted your apologies, as I refuse to accept an apology for something someone could’ve done nothing about.”

Remus scrunches up his nose. “You’re stubborn as a mule.”

Sirius chuckles. “I could teach mules in stubbornness. But if you insist on making it up to me, I suppose you can help me win the bet.”

“The bet?”

“I’ve made a bet with Prongs that I can make at least half of the Gryffindors believe I was attacked by a pumpkin-shaped yellow feather ball, while Prongs says I won’t even make ten.”

Remus shakes his head. “You’re an idiot,” he says, though it sounds fond.

Sirius grins. “But you love me.”

Remus leans forward and presses a kiss against Sirius’ lips, making Minerva blink, but confirming her doubt. There must be something more between those boys for sure.

Remus pulls back, but gently rests his forehead against Sirius’. “Merlin, I do love you, Sirius Black.”

“I love you too, Remus Lupin.”

Minerva smiles to herself. There’s no need to worry after all. If one thing is stronger than prejudice, it’s love.

[ao3feed-izuku-midoriya]

Todoroki Family Values

Todoroki Family Values by If its canon it can still suck

“What, you think you and this shitty nerd can break into the private office of the number two hero without me?” Bakugou leant into Todoroki's personal space. “You think you're better than me Icy-Hot?”

Enji's been lying to his family for years but after an overheard private phonecall about a missing persons case, all those lies are gonna start unravelling.

Shota's normally given the cases no one wants to solve, as an underground hero he has a wider range of resources and they tend to come in handy when looking for runaway kids. It's nothing new. So why is a person declared missing but he's not allowed to talk to the family. Someone high up is keeping a grip on the strings around the case, so Shota has to find a loose one in the mass of tangles.

OR

The number two hero isn't as infallible as people think and it's about time he lies in the bed he's made for himself.

Words: 10392, Chapters: 3/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: in order of appearence, Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Original Characters, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Todoroki Natsuo, Dabi | Todoroki Touya, Toga Himiko, Okuta Kagerou | Giran, idk his full name its the information broker guy, Shigaraki Tomura | Shimura Tenko, Kurogiri

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki & Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Fuyumi & Todoroki Natsuo & Todoroki Shouto, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Todoroki Natsuo, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Todoroki Shouto

Additional Tags: okay im trying to not go overboard on the tags so bear with me pls, this has nothing to do with the addams family, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, no spoilers but this fic will have the following, Todoroki Family Drama, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Retribution, Parental Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Parental Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, i havent decided the role the hpsc will play yet but theyre here too, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Everyone Is Gay, this puppy can fit so many headcanons, Kaminari Denki Angst, i havent written him in yet but hes there, Kaminari Denki Has ADHD, Hard of Hearing Bakugou Katsuki, Hard of Hearing Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, the fandom crossover is untagged because i want you to guess what it is, Todoroki Shouto Angst, Trans Bakugou Katsuki, Genderfluid Sero Hanta, trans original character, Quirkless People with Extra Toe Joints Wear Custom Sneakers | Red Shoe Theory, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku are Childhood Friends, and good ones too, i made up most of the lore for quirkless people, canon can exist but i make the rules here bucko and im switching up the order of the arcs, Post-Unforeseen Simulation Joint Arc, Post-Sports Festival Arc, Post-Hero Killer Stain Arc, remixed sports festival arc, everything else is the same up to that point, from this point out this is a lawless place, Identity Reveal, Secret Identities, well theyre not secret people are just unaware that some people are the same person, also, i have plans for midoriya hisashi's character, but they dont come in to play until the training camp arc, which will also be different than in canon, irish midoriya izuku, scottish bakugou katsuki, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Midoriya Izuku Swears, Kaminari Denki Swears, No beta we die like the manly men Kirishima wants us to be

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41157384

[certifiedskywalker]

Regret Me - Sharon Carter

Zemo warned you that Madripoor was a lawless place, a den of pirates and thieves. The last time you saw Sharon Carter, she was neither a pirate nor a thief, save for the fact that she had stolen your heart long before. Turned out, she kept it as her favorite treasure.

WARNING: a n g s t

“Hopefully you can make something here work.”

“Hopefully? You got a whole damn shopping mall,” Sam quipped as he stepped up to one of the clothing racks Sharon pulled out. The blonde shrugged and leaned up against the nearest wall, dark eyes full of waiting. While Sam scanned through the array of options and Bucky looked on with disinterest, you fixed your attention on Sharon.

There were the faintest hints of a smile on her lips. Small lines, the dip of her dimples, deepened slightly at the corners of her mouth. When was the last time you saw Sharon Carter smile? When was the last time you saw Sharon Carter at all? Too long ago.

It was before the Blip, but after your stay on The Raft. When Steve broke you, Sam, and Wanda out, you decided to run your own way for a while. Your path led you back to Sharon, her apartment, or what was left of it. She was packing, stuffing what she could into luggage. In your mind, there was a dull, dim echo of your name falling from her lips and...

“Y/N?”

...not saying goodbye.

“Y/N?”

Sharon’s eyes were on you when you managed to pull yourself from your faded memories. You quickly averted your gaze and shook your head slightly in the hopes of clearing it; though, your muddled recollections remained and hung in your mind like storm clouds ready to release a downpour. When you looked back up at Sharon, her posture was straightened. She no longer leaned against the wall and there was worry perched in her furrowed brows.

“Sorry, what?” You asked, scratching at the back of your neck. Every nerve ending of your body itched to move, to run away and hide, but where? Sharon’s home, her new world, was so, terribly unfamiliar to you. It made the want to disappear into the home you remembered with her all the more painful to bear.

“I have choices that might be more your style,” she replied, slim arms crossed over her chest. You forced your eyes to remain trained on hers, despite how you longed to take in the full sight of her. “You interested?”

Sharon was always strong, it was one of the many things that initially drew you to her. But there was something in how she carried herself, how she looked at you in that moment, that made her seem invincible. Perhaps it was the all-black outfit, how it fit like a uniform but was entirely removed from her days as a S.H.I.E.L.D. operative. She looked ready for a fight or a party, and you felt that she would be happy with either.

You nodded at her question before you let yourself dwell on the allure of her confidence. Sharon’s lips quirked up in a full smile and she turned around, flicked her hand behind her to entreat you to follow. You glanced at Sam and Bucky, only for the latter to stare warily back at you. Glints in Bucky’s eyes revealed the same nervousness that tightened your chest.

Be careful.

You dipped your head, a wordless concession before you trailed after Sharon. The sound of her heels as they clicked against the hardwood floor matched the quickened pace of your heartbeat. To distract yourself from the alarmingly swift rush of blood through your body, you glanced around the channels of the apartment. Despite the lavish level of living the sleek modern furniture and expensive, most likely original, works of art, Sharon’s house did not feel like a home. It was bare bones.

The hallways you passed through were stark. Where old apartment in D.C. was decorated with her and he friend’s smiling faces, plants, and life, this High Town suite was lifeless, pictureless. The only thing that lived inside its walls was Sharon, but even then you weren’t entirely certain that she was living as she once was.

When she glanced over her shoulder, to check to see if you followed her, her dark eyes brightened. For a moment, she looked like she did before you both ran away. You had run in separate directions after Steve took Bucky to Wakanda. When Sharon smiled softly at you, you struggled to remember why you didn’t go with her.

“Like I said, some of this might be your style,” she said as she walked into what you assumed was her bedroom. Sheets on the queen-sized mattress were without a wrinkle, without a touch. “But, it’s been a while since I last...since I’ve seen you.”

“Yeah,” you said as Sharon walked over to a large set of closet doors. “I missed you.”

Sharon paused at your words. Her hands settled on the handles of the closet before they tightened. Knuckles, strained, turned white, but when she turned her head to face you, Sharon wore a smile. No longer were her eyes bright; in fact, they mirrored the blank, white walls of her apartment. The sight made your stomach twist.

“I’m flattered.”

Before you had a proper chance to react to the coldness of her tone, Sharon threw open the closet doors. Racks of silk slip dresses, pressed suits, and formal robes, all in clashing patterns, hung in troves. Some were sleek and monochrome, while others were borderline floral, a jungle stitched into fabric. Once you accumulated to the colorful assault before you, you glanced over at Sharon. Her smile had dropped, but her gaze remained trained on you.

“Your personal wardrobe?”

She shrugged. “Pick out what you like.”

You opened your mouth to reply, to ask why she seemed so frigid, when she turned her back to you, busied with her phone. It had been years, you told yourself, and she was still trying to help. Times were hard and clearly changed her, but she was still Sharon to the core. She was still the Sharon you once loved, the one you gave up everything for.

You frowned as you looked back to the closet. Idly, you searched through the hangers. As you flicked through each fanciful piece of clothing, your eyes landed on a simple shirt and jacket. The tags stuck out of the collars and caught your attention. They were both in your size.

You pulled the jacket from the rack and thumbed the tag to read it more clearly. “This is in my size, in your closet?”

“Yeah, that,” at the sound of her voice, you glanced up at the blonde. She eyed the jacket in your hands and nodded. “I saw it, a while back. Thought of you.”

Her dark eyes flickered up to hold your gaze. She watched you, carefully, read every microexpression you could not help but show. You almost felt her calculating. She had wanted you to find the jacket, to ask about the size.

“Sharon.”

“Try it on.”

You sighed and shook your head to clear it of all the things you longed to say. “I don’t think it will do us any good. Maybe I should go and-”

“Please.”

Never in your life had you heard Sharon Carter beg, not for anything. She took what she wanted, whether it was a job, a bullet, or your heart. She made it so easier for you to fall for her because you knew she was already prepared to catch you. When you were caught at the airport in Berlin, held in The Raft, you thought only of her. The moment you were free, you ran to her only to run away. Why?

“Please.”

You cut through the memory to the fear. What was the why: because you would run to her every time if given the chance, and that scared you. You got caught but she would look at you with all the want in the world. She would be ready to meet you in the middle as you made your way back to her. Sharon deserved better. Despite how everything else around you had changed, that fact had not.

“Okay,” you conceded, unable to deny the pained look in Sharon’s expression. You had caused her too much hurt to bring about anymore. As you stepped over to the full-length mirror propped up against the wall, you caught Sharon’s reflection behind yours. Her eyes were glued to you as you slipped the jacket over your shoulders.

Unable to deny how it fit so well, you admired the look of your reflection. As your gaze traveled up, you caught Sharon’s eyes in the mirror. You turned on your heels to face her and saw that the ache that she once wore had morphed. Her eyes drank in your form but her expression was blank. Even as she stepped towards you with hands extended out towards the lapels of the jacket, you could not read her. She was always a good spy.

Wordlessly, Sharon reached out and adjusted how the jacket sat on your frame. A whiff of her perfume, rose-like florals with hints of something more bitter, filled your nose. The smell was enough to throw you back into the memory of the last time you saw her, your not-goodbye.

"It fits, really well,” you said in the hopes of grounding you back to reality, to that moment. “You've really made a life for yourself,”

"I have.” Sharon brushed her hands along the lapels to flatten them out. She pulled away, met your eyes, and, suddenly, you could read her. "You could've come with, helped me."

"I..."

"This life could have been ours,” she pressed. “After I stole the shield and wings. I wanted you to, I asked you to. Do you even remember?”

"There was a lot going on. The team was..." You trailed off at the thought of the Avengers and let your eyes fall from Sharon’s. At least you were all alive back then.

"We were both wanted criminals, branded traitors,” Sharon continued, denying your excuse. “Why...why didn't you come with me?"

Your heart ached at her question, her tone. The confidence you saw, you admired only a few precious minutes before faded into the quivering bottom lip of insecurity. Sharon wasn't invincible, despite all her trying to be. You were her weak point, just as she was yours.

"I was scared...I didn't want you to regret me, me coming with."

“Regret you? Y/N,” her eyes widened, “I loved you, I needed you.”

You shook your head and gestured to the sleek room around you. “You don’t need anyone, Sharon. Look at what you’ve built for yourself.”

“I wanted to build it with you,” she said as her hands grabbed yours. You glanced down at your joined hands then back up at her face. The pain was there again. It hung in her dark eyes and downturned lips.

“I wanted that too,” you admitted, “but we...we were on the run, and if I got caught-”

“You wouldn’t have, I wouldn’t let you,” she interrupted.

“That’s my point. You would risk your life for me and I would have risked it all for you, then we would both be lost. We might both regret it, us.”

You slipped one of your hands from her and reached up to brush a stray strand of hair from her face. Sharon leaned towards your touch for only a moment. Then, as you tucked the hair behind her ear, she thought better of it. Her eyes met yours, held your gaze with an intensity that refreshed the image of her strength in your eyes.

“I regret having to miss you.”

“I did too.”

Sharon nodded and swallowed hard before she added, “I mean, we didn’t even really say goodbye.”

“I didn’t want to think we had to, I guess. We are here, so…”

“We are here,” she echoed. For a long moment, you and Sharon stared into the other’s eyes. You swore you saw her lips twitch up slightly, an almost smile, but it didn’t last. It melted away as she began to lean towards you.

She pressed her lips to your forehead. It was a gentle kiss, only the smallest reminder of what you and Sharon used to be. Though, it was enough to make your heart swell and dull the soreness of your heart. When Sharon pulled away, you saw that, perhaps, it did the same for her too. She seemed less grim, more like she was when you, Sam, Bucky, and Zemo first ran into her: confident and new.

“So, no goodbyes. Only, ‘see you laters’.”

“Only ‘see you laters’,” you agreed. Sharon nodded and stepped away from you. She started towards her bedroom door and, for a second, you thought she was going to leave you alone. Just as you were about to resign yourself to your thoughts, your regrets, Sharon glanced over her shoulder. She smiled.

“C’mon, we got a party to go to.”

[deexchanel]

TFATWS

Word Count: 2,923

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x BlackFem!Reader

Warning: Swearing, arguing.

Summary: Y/N rides along with Sam, Zemo and Bucky to Madripoor.

A/N: I know this episode is over used but I write this and I just wanted to give you guys something after been absent for so long. My birthday is next week and I’m excited. Enjoy this one-shot.

They followed Zemo to his personal jet. An older man stood at the end of the stairs waiting on their arrival.

"So all this time you've been rich?" Sam asked looking at the jet. Y/N walked between him and Bucky behind Zemo. She hasn't really been talking to Bucky because of their argument.

It was basically about how he disappeared on her. He left without warning. The only reason the previous couple is around each other now because Y/N was there when Sam gave up the shield and decided to stay by his side through the journey. That’s how she ended up here on a plane with someone that broke her heart.

The reason why Bucky left because he’s scared to love. He’s scared that’s she was going to leave him because of his past since it was too much for her. So Bucky left and still hasn’t told her the reason why he did.

"I'm a Baron, Sam. My family was royalty until your friends destroyed my country." Zemo replied then spoke to the older gentleman in Russian. After the men greet each other the trio followed Zemo into the jet.

Bucky placed a hand on Y/N’s lower back to help her up the stairs, but she pushed his hand off. She had every right to be mad at him. Y/N really loves Bucky but he can't just leave her whenever he gets the chance.

Y/N sat in the chair in front of Zemo with Sam beside him and Bucky beside her. She nervously looked out the window, Y/N isn’t a big fan of heights.

"The fridge is out. But I will see if there is some good food in the galley." The man said to Zemo who replied in Sokovian. My nerves were getting really bad, She starts to fumble with her fingers.

"Y/N you okay?" Sam’s voice laced with concern. She turns to see them staring at her like a worried parent. Y/N gave them a small smile trying to ease their worries.

"I'm fine."

"Just checking Y/N. Why don't you tell us about where we are going Zemo?" Sam asked looking at Zemo for answers.

Zemo opened a book, "I'm sorry, I was just fascinated by this. I don't know what to call it but this part seems to be important." He pulled a little book that was inside the bigger book holding it up.

"Who is Nakajima?"

Bucky swiftly gets up wrapping his gloved hand around his neck. Y/N’s eyes widened from seeing how worked up he got up from that. All the nervousness about flying left her body.

"What the hell James??"

"If you touch that again, I'll kill you." Bucky seethed then unwrapped his hand from around Zemo's neck sitting back down. Y/N rolled her eyes at how dramatic he was. Deep down she wished it was her he was putting into place but no one needs to know that. (Our little secret.)

"I understand that list of names. People you've wronged as the Winter Soldier." Zemo said obviously not phased by what just happened.

"Don't push it," Bucky warned glancing at him then towards Sam.

"I've seen that book. It was Steve's when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What'd you think?" Sam amused but Bucky kept a straight face.

"I like '40s music, so..."

" '40s music? You definitely need to put me on some good music then." Y/N said engaging in their conversation. She thought it was kinda cute that he held on to the book Steve had. Bucky gave her a small smile.

"Whenever I get the chance, I will. Just for you."

Y/N bit her lip to keep from smiling to keep up the ‘I’m mad at him' act. But it wasn’t working.

"You didn't like it?" Sam asked shocked.

"I liked it." Bucky said giving him the face of 'duh I liked it.'

"It is a masterpiece, James. Complete. Comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience." Zemo said in the most formal way possible. Y/N gave a humorous smile nodding her head.

"That was one of the best ways to explain it."

"He's out of line, but he's right. It's great. Everybody loves Marvin Gaye" Sam agreed as if Bucky didn't agree. Y/N laughed at what he was doing.

"Sam, why are you still going on about it? James literally agreed."

"I like Marvin Gaye." Bucky continues looking at him.

"Steve adored Marvin Gaye," Sam said bringing up another memory of Steve.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Excuse me." Y/N held up the finger going to the mini bathroom. She struggled so damn hard in that small ass bathroom trying not to fall on her ass. Y/N soon came out to hear them talking about Madripoor.

"What's up with Madripoor? You talk about it like it's Skull Island." Sam questioned looking between the two who used to be villains.

"It's an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago. It was a private sanctuary back in the 1800s." Bucky starts while Zemo finished telling them the information.

"It's kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone."

Y/N glanced at Bucky who tensed up at those words. I knew it was going to be hard on him. Sitting back down in her seat, She moved the hair that was in her face.

"So who do I go as?"

"Miss Sapphire, one of the richest lady there. She models for every company you can think of." Zemo said showing Y/N a picture of a woman who looked exactly like her.

"Ooo I think I'm going to like this," Y/N smirked looking at the outfit that she was going to have to put on. She knew Bucky wasn't going to like it but oh well, its part of the job.

——————

Y/N was beside Sam as they walked down this empty bridge. She kept sneaking glances at Bucky because he looked so good with his new arm. Y/N didn’t know she staring too long when his eyes linked with hers. She quickly looked away, face turning really hot.

"We have to fix this. I'm the only one who looks like a pimp." Sam complained touching his suit. Y/N rolled her eyes, her feet were starting to hurt from walking for so long.

"Only an American would assume a fashion-forward black man looks like a pimp," Zemo said. Y/N’s walk began to turn into limping which made her fall behind a little.

A little "Ow." came from her mouth, grabbing Bucky's attention. He slowed down walking beside Y/N.

"You okay?"

"I'm good."

"No, you're not. You just said 'Ow'. What's wrong?"

"None of your business James. I'm okay."

"So you’re calling me James now? And I know your feet are hurting Y/N. Let me help."

Y/N decided to be stubborn even though she wanted to get off her feet so badly. "It's always been, James. I'm able to handle myself, I can take the pain."

Bucky rolled his eyes, in a matter of seconds, Y/N was in his arms bridal style. Not in the mood to argue, Y/N looked everywhere but him.

"And it's Bucky to you. It's always and forever going to be that to you."

"Before you left, it was Bucky. Now it's James. You know what, I can walk myself." She moved but his grip tightened not wanting her to get out of his arms.

"No, I'm going to continue to carry you," Bucky said but Y/N didn't respond which made it quiet between them. She fought the urge to look at him since she was mad.

"I saw you looking at me and my arm."

She looked up at him fulfilling her urge and they made eye contact. Y/N quickly looked away nervously "Um, no I wasn't."

Bucky let out a laugh, "You indeed was."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Guys! for the love of God, shut up!"Sam scolded from in front of them.

"He started it!" Y/N replied back like a little kid. Bucky laughed a little then sigh.

"Y/N, you've barely said a word to me today. Did I do something?"

She scoffs getting irritated from that dumb-ass question. "DiD I dO sOmEtHiNg?? Huh? Bucky stop talking to me before I say something I might regret."

"What? Y/N I just asked a question." Bucky said in defense. She huff rolling her eyes, 'a dumb ass question at that'

"No matter what happens, we have to stay in character. Our lives depend on it. There's no margin for error." Zemo explained as the car came into view on the bridge. Bucky placed her down on her feet when they neared it, opening the door for Y/N who climbed in the middle seat.

——————

"Here we are."

Walking into the bar they could feel the intense stares. Bucky glared at anyone that looked in her direction. Y/N had to fight off any instinct to grab his hand. It wasn’t the appropriate time to do it.

You could hear the whispers of the crowd looking at them. "Is that the Winter Soldier?". Zemo guided them directly to the bar. A tall dark skin man walked over to the trio so they could order.

"Hello, lady and gentlemen. Wasn't expecting to see you, Sapphire and Smiling Tiger."

"His plans changed." Zemo nodded towards Sam. "We have business to do with Selby."

The bartender looked at Sam,"The usual? Anything for you Ms. Sapphire?"

Sam nodded his head while Y/N replied, "No, Thank you." The bartender turned around grabbing a dead snake out of a glass jar. She covered up her mouth to keep from gagging. Y/N turn to Bucky shaking her head no.

"Ah, Smiling Tiger, your favorite." I heard Zemo say from behind Y/N. She would’ve laughed but Y/N wanted to puke at the moment. She knew Sam had drunk it when Bucky looked the other way to keep from I guess laughing.

Y/N moved to the side of Bucky when a man walked up to Zemo from behind. "I got word from on high. You ain't welcome here."

"I have no business with the Power Broker, but if he insists, he can either come and talk to me." Zemo then pointed towards Bucky.

"New haircut?" The man asked but Bucky just stared.

"Or bring Selby for a chat." Zemo continued his deal. The man walked away not even giving an answer.

"A Power Broker? Really?" Bucky finally spoke up.

"Every kingdom needs its king. Let's just pray we stay under his radar." Zemo explained.

"Do you know him?" Sam whispered not wanting to give himself away.

"Only by reputation," Zemo replied. "In Madripoor he is judge, jury, and executioner."

Y/N leaned against the bar with my back facing the crowd. She felt a hand being placed on her lower back. The other hand moved Y/N’s hair from the side to show her neck.

"Sapphire, baby, we didn't get to finish from last night. Let's get out of here."

Y/N prepared to punch him but stopped herself when she heard Zemo say "Зимний Солдат, Атака" ( Winter Soldier, Attack.)

Y/N turn around to see it was a different man this time. He had a smirk on his face, as his index finger touched her bottom lip slowly then used the rest of his fingers running down her exposed chest.

Y/N had never felt so disgusted in her life. His fingers stopped on her boob when Bucky's metal hand swiftly grabbed it, crushing his hand.

You could tell that Bucky was so angry for him even getting close to Y/N. The man grunts out in pain as both of them walked away from her while Bucky still clutched on his hand.

The pair shared a quick look. The way he eased back into his Winter Soldier character bothered her a bit. Maybe he had it like a switch?

Y/N winced not really wanting to see none of the combat taking place so she turned around with her back facing the crowd.

She didn’t want him to feel he can protect her all the time. Y/N didn’t want to seem so dependent on him especially if he isn’t going to always be in the picture. When Y/N needed him, he wasn't there. Getting out of her thoughts when Bucky slammed the man that touched Y/N on top of the bar holding on to his neck, eyes never leaving his face.

Everyone around them starts to take their gun off safety. Y/N’s heart starts to pound as she looked around. Zemo placed a hand on Bucky's arms whispering.

"Stay in character or the whole bar turn on us."

Zemo says something else in Russian which makes Bucky let go of the man. "Selby will see you now." The bartender announced.

"Thank you," Zemo said then walked off.

"You good?" Sam asked Bucky concerned. He looked at me but Y/N quickly glanced at them then followed behind Zemo not uttering a word.

—————————-

Turns out Y/N wasn’t the one she wants to talk to since she was just some famous model. She had to stand in the hallway and wait on them. Y/N was so uncomfortable, especially with what she had on.

Y/N heard a gunshot which makes her kick in the door. Both Bucky and Sam aimed the gun at her then lowered it.

"What the hell happened in here?!" Y/N asked seeing the bodies on the floor.

"We'll explain later, let's go," Bucky said grabbing her hand and they all walked out of the building. They walked through the streets hearing surrounding people phones going off

"This is not good," Zemo said looking around at the people who looked on their phones. They near the end of the street when bullets aimed at us. Bucky pulled Y/N to him as they ran in one direction.

"I can't run in these heels!" Sam yelled while he ran.

"You better learn today!" Y/N yelled back holding on to Bucky's hand since it was in the heat of the moment, not wanting to let go.

——————

Sharon help killed off the bounty hunters they had on us. At the moment Y/N was in the bathroom getting ready for the party she was having. Finished with getting dressed, she walked out of the bathroom running into a hard chest.

"Oops sorry!"

"It's an okay doll."

Y/N gave him a small smile then began to walk to the room where everyone else was until Bucky grabbed her hand.

"Why didn’t answer my question from earlier? What did I do?"

"You know what you did Bucky. Is there I need to say?"

"I think I know what I did? I don’t know Y/N. Just talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

"To answer your dumb-ass question, you did do something wrong. You act like everything's okay between us when it's not! Bucky, you left me. Like disappeared on me without explaining why!"

"I knew telling you that I was leaving would crush you. I didn't want you to be hurt over the fact that I left." Bucky rubbed his hand over his mouth.

"Leaving you was the best way to protect you. I'm feared by many but that still doesn't mean you aren't going to be a target to hurt me."

"Best way to protect me?! You leaving hurt me way more than what you think it did. You're worried about protection but not focusing on my feels. You said you love me but you left like it wasn't nothing." I groan flustrated raising my voice. He couldn’t look at Y/N and it raised her suspicion.

“You’re lying Bucky? What is it? What is the truth.”

“Y/N... Please.”

“Bucky tell me!”

"I was scared Y/N! Scared that you were already planning to leave because of my past. I know I shouldn’t have left when you needed me but I didn’t know what to do. You deserve better than me Y/N.” Bucky confessed as his head dropped. I placed my hand under his chin so he could look me in the eyes.

“Bucky I could’ve told me. You leaving hurt me more than what you think it did. I love you and that means that I’ll understand anything you’re going through. I don’t deserve better, and I don’t want better. I want you Bucky. You’re not alone in this baby I swear.”

Bucky pulled Y/N to his chest, as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry baby. I love you too Y/N so much.” He kissed Y/N’s forehead.

“Oh and I wanted to kill him so badly but I knew you weren't going to like that so I stopped."

"You know me so well."

Bucky apologized again, “I’ve missed you so much. I can’t wait to make up.” He began to kiss on her neck making Y/N tilt her head to the side so he could have more access.

"Hm, I'll accept it if you dance on the dance floor with me."

"No! God no. I'll do anything but that. You know I don't like dancing." Bucky pulled back groaning but she gave him the puppy eyes.

"Please? Or I'm going to stay mad at you."

Bucky rubbed his hand over his face, "Fine."

Y/N smiled jumping in his arms and they rested under her butt to keep her held up.

"Yayyy!! This is going to be fun."

"I’m only doing this for you baby.”

“That’s the best part.”

———————-

This took a long ass time to edit but I hope you guys like it. Like I said earlier I know this episode is overused but I had written this when tfatws was still airing so yeah.

I’m posting something since I haven’t posted in so long.

If this one-shot doesn’t make sense let me know cause it’s almost 3 am while I’m trying to edit and add stuff to this and I’m so sleepy 😂

Thank you for reading!

Stay slutty my friendsss 💕

[winchesterxxi]

A Human Wiretap (Poe Dameron x Reader)

GIF BY @captain-flint​

Rating: G (General Audience)

Type: Fluff

Summary: While in Kijimi, Reader is shocked by the revelation of Poe having been a spice runner before becoming a Resistance pilot, unaware that he knows about her own secret

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: None

A/N: let the stream of Poe content commence

MASTERPOST | REQUEST HERE | KO-FI

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Kijimi was the last place you wanted to be right now. You had always known of this place to be infested with pirates and all the lawless beings of the galaxy, the country being practically a crime heaven.

The destination had been appointed as The Thieves' Quarter, the place you were told you could find Babu Frik, and to your unrest, your husband seemed to be able to navigate the streets of the foreign planet pretty well, occasionally stopping against a wall at any given corner, looking around for any threats.

“Are you sure you never came here?” you ask one time while leaning against his side on a cold brick wall, waiting for the safe sign.

“Not really.” He says looking over at the snowy empty street, before turning his head back at you for a split second “Coast’s clear, let’s go”

And just as he took the first step to round the corner, an armoured woman came into view pointing a blaster at Poe’s face.

Not even allowing a second to process another thought, you reach for your own blaster, pulling it from its holster and aiming it perfectly so that it was secured in the direction of the person’s head on both of your steady hands.

“Heard you were spotted at Monk’s Gate. Thought He’s not stupid enough to come back here.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised.” Poe mumbles from his stance.

“Blaster off him. Now.” You warn from your spot, a scowl upon your face, ready to shoot, in case she dared to make another move.

“Zorii!” Poe exclaims in fake enthusiasm, before snapping his head quickly between the two of you. “She won’t ask twice, I would listen to her”

“You pull that trigger, you’re next, honey.” You assure her, readjusting your fingers as to place a stronger grip around the camera.

“She used a pet name, she’s serious.” Poe nods and nervously warns the woman whose weapon was now closer to his forehead, almost pressed against it.

“We’re only here to find Babu Frik, we don’t want no trouble.” You tell her cordially, expecting to explain your presence in the clearly unwelcoming planet and maybe have her help you. You eye the woman up and down, eyes scanning the shining golden armour, before settling on the deep black visor.

“Who are you?”

“Honey,” Poe speaks, being careful not to make any sudden moves that could make the woman pull the trigger “this is Zoriii. Zoriii, this Y/N, my wife.”

You are a little taken aback by the fact that they seem to know each other fairly well, given the assurance that Poe had just given you moments ago, that he’d never step foot on Kijimi.

Her helmet turns to you “Wife?” she scoffs “I guess there really is someone for everyone.”

“You have no idea.” he smirks, a momentary lapse, and you snap a look at him.

“I could pull this trigger right now.” She says, pushing the blaster harder against Poe’s head, and you take a step forward.

“You do that, my blaster is the last thing you’ll see in this life.” Sharp words leave your mouth, both you and Poe knowing damn well that you were badass enough to keep the promise.

“Babu only works with the crew. That’s not you anymore.” Zorii says, still talking to Poe, as if your presence and the one of your weapon aimed at her is non-existent.

“What do you mean crew?” you ask her, and for a moment, her attention is directed to you, before slowly tilting once again in your husband’s direction, whose hands were still up in the air in a surrendering feat.

“Oh your wife doesn’t know?” her voice, goes up an octave, clearly amused by whatever is about to unfold. Your eyes scan between the two of them waiting for some kind of explanation of whatever secret conversation was going on in front of you. “Funny he never mentioned it…”

“What is she talking about?” you question Poe but he gives himself no time to utter a word at you, just quickly waving his hand and facing Zorii.

“Zorii, married people are still allowed secrets- “ he tries but she is too quick to reveal the information you were dying to be delivered.

“Your husband was part of the Spice Runner Gang.”

You can’t stop your jaw from going slack at the revelation, not being able to form any coherent words and instead just moving your mouth like a fish out of water, dwelling on whether you felt hurt, angry or any other emotion of the rush that caught you in that moment.

Poe’s shoulders slump slightly and he bites his bottom lip, eyes closed in frustration. He then turns at you, hands still up, as you were still gripping the blaster, which was now pointed at him as he was walking towards you, cautious steps, one at a time.

“I can explain.”

“You were a smuggler? AND A SPICE RUNNER AT THAT?” You drop your blaster to your side, stepping towards him, your brain having decided on anger as the momentary emotion.

“Y/N-“

“In 2 years of marriage NOT ONCE did it occur to you to mention that!?” you yell the two middle words, incredulous at your husband’s secret, having spent your whole relationship that he had always been a resistance pilot, just like he had assured you.

“Oh, don’t act like I’m the only one with a secret here!” his hands drop to his side, and he is no longer trailing in front of you like a lost puppy looking for forgiveness but instead returns to his conflictual side, a defence mechanism, you’ve come to learn.

“What is that supposed to mean?” you scoff, genuinely clueless as to what he could be referring to. And definitely not expecting him to voice the secret you fought years to keep.

“I know you’re a Sywalker!” he says loudly, and its as if your spirit has left your body, the blood draining from your face, and for a moment you forget that breathing is a necessary bodily function.

“H… How do you…”

“The week before we got married I-…” he takes a deep breathe in, running a hand through his wild curls, now dusted with white snow. “I heard you and Leia.”

Poe was making his way to the X-Wing hangar when he stumbled across an ajar door from where he spotted your figure passing across it and disappearing multiple times.

It wasn’t until he stepped closer and leaned against the wall, that he got the full picture.

You were pacing back and forth in an empty resting room of The Radus, pattering your boots across the white floor as Leia sat by the window, looking at you in this impossible frenzy, fingers pressed against your mouth while the other hand rested on your hip.

Your motion comes to a halt in front of her, turning on your toes to face her.

“Should I tell him?”

“I think you should do what you think to be the right thing.” Leia answers her, reaching forward to grab your nervous hands in hers.

“We’re getting married next week, but I don’t think telling him would be any good…”

That’s when Poe’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest, tightening at the implication of your wedding and a number of awful possibilities running across his mind as to what you could be hiding from him.

“He’ll think…I don’t even know. I’ve spent more than half of my life hiding this and if he finds out… What if he thinks I’m a freak? And…And just leave me?”

Poe, from across the door, inches closer, curiosity getting the best of him and brows furrowing.

“Y/N, honey, Poe has been around plenty of force-sensitive people. I can assure you that my niece being one won’t scare him away.” Leia assures you while giving your hands a firm squeeze, and you let your head fall back, closing your eyes.

Wait, what? Poe was really trying to connect the dots at the amount of information that he had been bombed within this short amount of time.

“Not the daughter of Luke Skywalker.” You sigh.

“You knew?... All this time…” your eyes brim with tears.

Poe turns to Zorii who still stood behind him, the blaster having been lowered.

“Can you…give us a moment?”

“Who the hell do you think you are to be asking favours right now?” she snaps but Poe’s eyes plead at her for a single ounce of sympathy. “I’m staying right here.”

Poe turn around to face you, still very aware of the blaster pointed at the back of his head and he lowers his voice so that only the two of you can share the conversation.

“Honey…”

“You still married me?” you are looking down until you speak, watery and red eyes finding those of Poe who’s demeanour completely changes upon your question. He rushes to your front, gloved hands finding your upper arms, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “You knew I was lying to you and you still… you still…”

“Honey,” his hands slide up from your arms to your cheeks “Look at me. I love you. I know why you did it. I probably would’ve done the same. I’m not mad, never have been, never will be.”

You were fighting the urge to ramble on, but upon looking into your husband’s sincere eyes, you relaxed your whole body and he takes that as a cue to pull you in for a hug. With your face flush against his chest, you mumble an apology, fists tightening around the fabric of his cloak.

“I’m sorry… for snapping at you earlier. It was very hypocritical of me.”

Poe smiles against your forehead, before placing a tender kiss against its warm flesh.

“It’s okay, honey, I swear. At least…at least I think I owe you an explanation.” Poe takes a deep breath in “I… When I was a teen, still living on Yavin 4,… their ship crashed near my hometown and I just… I needed out of there, I wanted to be reckless. So I joined them.”

You pull your head away from his chest, craning it upwards.

“Zorri’s mom was… she was the leader of the Spice Runners and she had this plan of inviting other crime lords here to form alliances, but she really was just planning on killing them. Zorii offered to fight against her with me and take control of the Spice Runners but I was done. Honestly, I wanted a better life.”

“And you got it. Congratulations.” Zorii’s voice makes the two of you snap back at her, Poe’s hand rushing down to your side, grabbing your hand and stepping slightly in front of you. “You know, I’m still digging out of the hole you put me in when you left to join the Resistance.”

Her helmet then turns in your direction and you have no time to manoeuvre the blaster back to pointing at her, afraid that she’d shoot.

“You. You’ll do.” She says referring to you “A Skywalker. A bounty for her might just cover us.” She says and you frown at the word us until you find your peripheral vision starting to get dotted on the sides by equally armoured soldiers who you assumed to be Spice Runners.

“Djak’kankah” she commands.

“Don’t djak’kankah” Poe pleads, knowing the meaning of the word.

Just then, when you perceive that the smugglers are running in on you, you quickly snap up your blaster and take them all one by one with perfect aim, sliding your leg under Zorii’s feet and akeing her fall to the cold ground right in front of you, both of you pointing your blasters at each other.

“We could really use your help. Please.” You huff, trying to calm your beating heart from the adrenaline of the previous moment.

“Not that you care…But I think you’re okay.” She breathes through the helmet.

“I care.” You let a sly smile tint your lips, sliding your blaster back into its holster and offering the woman who just seconds ago was dead set on killing you your hand.

When she is hoisted back to her feet, she walks ahead of the both of you signalling for her to be followed but as she is about to pass Poe she throws him a few words.

“She’s a keeper.”

“Don’t I know that.” He smirks, turning back to see you walking to catch up to him. Before you can say anything, his gloved hand is already pressed against your cheek as he brings his lips down to crash against yours.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” You whisper against his lips “But I still need to-“

“You can tell me all about it tonight. While laying in bed. No rush.” He smiles assuringly at you and you swear if you didn’t have a mission at hands you would melt into his embrace for as long as the galaxy aloud you to.

“Let’s find that droidsmith.” You smile at him, before placing one quick kiss against his jaw and walking towards Zorii, leaving the former Spice Runner, current lovestruck Resistance Pilot, completely enamoured and stunned behind you.

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