#but since I am at work rn and the text feels massive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dallonm-archive · 3 years

Text

[image description: a cropped image of a pink sky. on the right hand side is a bunch of darker pink clouds. Just left of the centre is a full moon. In the centre, in a white serif font reads "writing update" /end id]

july writing update

Hi friends! This writing update is me pretending I did Camp Nano and didn't kinda give up a week in! I had a proper goal and everything, but a lot of things got in the way that I'm not gonna talk about here because I already ranted about it in another update I'm drafting rn. Lets just say it's Disability Pride Month and being not neurotypical or able bodied in writing communities and their inherent focus on productivity is Hard.

But I did get some writing done and wanted to do a little Camp wrap up post regardless. And I'm doing it now because I'm cancelling the last week of July for some rest/self care and I do not want to think about writing for that time and if I write a tumblr post about July Nano being over my brain will think it's actually over <3 I will probably do updates like these for most months tho! Depends on how much I write lol! This one is not too long (by my standards) and has some Revelations, Revelations, Life Cycle of Massive Stars, Nocturne for the Holy and a new wip idea 👁️

excerpts under the cut!

general taglist ; ask to be + or - ; i only have one! ; @childhoodlovers @svpphicwrites @abiandwriting @kowlazovdi @avi-why @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @bijouxs @bookphobe @moonhungers @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @oasis-of-you @coffeeandcalligraphy @cecilsstorycorner @howdywrites @keira-is-writing @flip-phones @piyawrites @avakrahn @goose-books @finch-goes-write @ziyin @aphaimaniis @isherwoodj @laughtracksonata

I'm also editing this in to say I only just realised that July is my writeblr birthday month and that is very weird to me! A year and a couple days ago I impulsively turned an old blog into a place to document writing for me and ended up meeting people who now mean the world to me and my writing blossoming in a way I never thought it would. And the funny part is it doesn't feel like it's been a year, ever since I joined it's just felt like life has Always been this way and I cannot fathom that it hasn't. I'm sappy bc it's 4am lol but ultimately the friends I made (you know who you are) and the community I found is what retaught me the value of writing and helped me unlearn toxic ideas and whilst the last year was tough I wish I could tell July 2020 Dallon (who did not realise he was Dallon yet </3) what July 2021 would look like.

revelations, revelations ;

Oh the absolute state of affairs with this book rn. Nothing bad but I don't know when I'm gonna update y'all because sometimes I do not know where to start when talking about this wip lol! Currently on a break with it (but also my thesis work is on late 20th century queer lit/history rn so am ever really free of RR? <3) but had a lot of fun with it at the end of June/start of July. Anyway here's Dorothy finally revealing more of herself to me after a year. Dorothy as a character is like, I truly believe she is capable of killing a man but the story she is in just does not allow that so I am trying to grow her unhinged side a little bit in other ways bc I know she has it in her but I also really cannot deal with the plot repercussions of her actually killing a man! I'm sorry Dotty but this'll have to do!

(cw for groping/a man being creepy as hell, death/funeral mention, drug mention, drowning imagery kinda)

There’s too much to tell Felix. That his sister lives on the fringe of Castro and has attended three funerals since September; that it’s January 11th and she’s already attended one this year. That his sister drives through sunsets and imagines parties: the amber dusk, warm mosaic tiles, platters of Greek salad skewers and shrimp tostadas, and sometimes Jolie joins her and they share a blunt on the hill. That his sister bought an aquamarine body-length dress for six bucks in a thrift store sale bin, so when her and Jolie broke up for the second time, she waltzed into a sunset party, locked arms with a CEO’s son and gave him a fake number and plucked strawberries out of champagne and blended so well nobody noticed when she left. That during the summer of ’83, his sister walked a neighbour’s Golden Retriever on Wednesdays, and on the sixth Wednesday he gave her a wad of tens with one hand and palmed the back of her neck with the other, so she walked his dog to the beach and stole another hundred from his wallet. That his sister bombed an interview for a Nursing school and didn’t get home until night and missed their monthly call, and Jolie heard the phone ring and didn’t take a message, so his sister snuck into the CEO’s son’s villa and floated in the centre of their heated pool like a cloud. A pause, a breath, an Opheliean threat.

life cycle of massive stars ;

Switched to LCOMS this month because I was burnt out with RR and it made such the difference! I really love working on two novels at once because it keeps me consistently creative but also both of these books are so different so its always refreshing to bounce back into one from another. I have a whole update in the drafts rn for this so keeping this part brief but still love this book, still the best thing that has ever happened to me, me and this book will have a glorious summer wedding etc etc. These excerpts are from chapters that summarise the first semester of each character's first year and have to say it. has been Very Fun to get into the mindset of Freshers Melodrama. Here's Junie having a crisis and an unhealthy relationship with her hetero flatmate :( (alcohol cw for both excerpts)

In October you are drinking double espresso and trying to breathe normally in lectures and you are trying to figure out your favourite colour because Fleur asked and you stumbled out an answer (Purple, I think. Violet? Lavender? Indigo?) and it didn’t match hers (I like yellow. I like sunlight). You buy mugs from IKEA to paint you paint cats and fireworks and constellations and moon phases and daisies. You try to scratch paint stains off your desk. You do laundry at 2am. In October you colour code your notes with pastel highlighters. You go to the library at 3am. You paint your nails sunlight and hate it. You finish an essay that’s due in December. You knock on Fleur’s door at 8am so she makes her 9am. You wear off the shoulder tops and you let a girl dab glitter on your collarbones and you are watching Fleur kiss a boy from the neighbouring hall. You bite your sunlight nails. You break the handle off your IKEA constellation mug. You leave your keys in a lecture hall and stand at the reception for forty minutes waiting for them to realise that the keys on the desk have the moon chain you mentioned - or, you are waiting to say it yourself. You are watching the rain trail down your window. In October you get a halo headband tangled in your hair you are sipping a vampire themed cocktail that tastes like acetone you rip your heels off and you go home early and do laundry at 2am and you are waiting for the courage to tell Fleur you don’t like clubbing - or, you are waiting for her to ask where you are. In October you are many things / a good student a dancer a painter an angel a big sister an alarm clock you are nocturnal and a lucid dreamer and confused about your sexuality / and it’s still October but it’s not because it’s November now and you are still Junie but not because you don’t know who Junie is. It’s November, it’s September October November December. It’s 2016 2017 2018 2019. You are fragments and you don’t know if you are a kaleidoscope or shattered glass.

And here's first year Tomas being like I Moved Countries For University And All I Got Was Homesickness And A Crush On My Flatmate And Resurging Autistic Symptoms And This Lousy T Shirt (cw: vomit mention, injection mention, parental death mention)

Kristen is seven months younger and five inches taller than you. He’s the last flatmate you met and the only one you talk to beyond kitchen greetings and passive aggressive texts about dirty dishes. He is too quiet and too loud and not the type of person you befriend. The first night, he lost Ring of Fire and downed the concoction of Echo Falls, Dark Fruits, Jack Daniels and coke, vodka and lemonade alongside a cigarette and said he’d let God figure out the rest. He held your hair back when you threw up amaretto and held onto your knee when you first self-injected testosterone. He taught you Yorkshire dialect and you pretended to understand the Yorkshire dialect. He told you he got diagnosed at four and you told him you didn’t get past the first assessment but sometimes you flick the bathroom light on and it’s fire: the orange on the orange towel is louder, the white on the white tiles are louder, the colours and light and sink and showerhead are prickly and all you can do is blink and breathe until it fizzles out. You reminded him to take his meds and asked if you were weak for wanting to drop out and hop on the first Eurostar to Rotterdam. He reminded you to take off your binder and asked if he was robotic for not grieving his mother. You spent inky nights on the kitchen floor, counting the dead flies in the lights and scooping crumbly coconut ice cream out of a maker you got for half price in TK Maxx. You spent dusk-dusted afternoons at the global street food markets, at the vegan markets. Spent student loans on raspberry lemonade in recycled cups, veggie burgers in beetroot buns, got him hooked on poffertjes and advocaat and could’ve cried when the vendor spoke to you in Dutch. Sometimes you didn’t buy anything. Just liked hovering at stalls ambered with fairy lights, writing down Etsy stores on your notes app; just liked Kristen’s impulse to trek forty minutes into the city for a market he didn’t know existed until five minutes before; just liked how he always invited only you, cancelling your other plans last minute, the feeling of being ambushed; just liked how he stopped to take photos of dogs and the sunset; just liked how he looked haloed under lampposts waiting for Ubers, golden on golden.

This is also nearing creative nonfiction because Sheffield truly is a haven for just. vegan markets and cafes lol! I experimented with veganism there and never struggled to find something and at this point I call myself a fake vegan because it's too easy to be vegan in Sheffield and too difficult to be vegan in my actual hometown. And the global street food markets!!! SO GOOD! I miss pre pandemic days

nocturne for the holy ;

Giving her a little shout out because she does exist actually! I've figured out a really good system for working on two novels at a time, so my plan is maybe to start properly on this after I finish either RR or LCOMS. Idk I got 3 novels to pick from haha oops! I did do some free drafting back in April though and found it recently and I Like It! And I edited it so it counts as Something I Did This Month :) Also have decided that I loathe this working title <3 Okay see you with an update for this novel in like a year, sorry for the absolute zero context for this excerpt hehe

The morning I was due back, I hadn’t yet decided that this would be my last visit. I wandered between rooms like an overstayed guest, like I didn’t know which crockery lived in which cabinet and which bedroom had the best view of the overlapped hills. Dad would wake for his run in an hour, plastered to his twenty-year-old routine. Mum would pretend to be asleep until breakfast. Until then, it was myself and the house, hazed by sleepy sunrise. Downstairs. The peeling paisley wallpaper in the lounge, the lilies in the middle of the kitchen table, the vases of candy floss pink peonies wilting on every windowsill, the desolate double swing-set in the garden. The mist-clogged mornings. I stood outside in my dressing-gown until my fingertips felt numb. Upstairs. The sage coloured bathroom. The bathtub I’d laze in with my clothes on and no water because it was the quietest room in the house. The dusty dance trophies on the top of my wardrobe. Wine-flushed Jeanette in my teenage bedroom. The stale grey mum painted my teenage bedroom after I moved out. Minus their room, I stalked the layout of the house three times before settling back into bed - teenage Nora’s bed. Nora who cared for peonies and pushed her brother on the swing set and flung her ceramic ballerina at the wall and jogged with her father and collected wine bottles and acorns and kisses from girls who were supposed to visit for dance practice. Before I left, I’d have cycled each room another three times. And in every room he was there, hovered in the corner like black mould.

love this update bc it's like i've got my third person, my second person, my first person! collecting all the POVs like chaos emeralds :)

eulogy for our burnings ;

-looks away-

girl help I did it AGAIN!!!! Apparently Camp Nano is just the perfect time for me to get novel ideas. I made this post specifically to talk a bit about this because I have no idea when I'll draft it but it's certainly not soon. This is not me trying to doubt my own skill but I feel like I am not in the place I'd like to be as a writer to tackle this project with the zest it needs, however I am v excited by the prospect of it! Don't know how I feel about the working title bc I'm like "that doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about this wip to dispute it" but the only purpose my working titles serve is to sound pretty lol! But here's the tea:

1991, UK.

2nd person present + past. Very flexible form. I can't decipher how yet but I'm feeling interviews, newspaper articles, receipts, grocery store lists weaved with actual narrative, that kinda vibe.

Best summary is we follow our nameless narrator, a stealth trans man, as he becomes unhealthily obsessed with a man who "hires" him to photograph the buildings he burns

Very,,, isolated? Minimal settings, minimal characters, minimal prose etc. Almost claustrophobic

There's basically only two characters and they are probably the most morally deplorable, indefensible characters I've created which just means most of you are gonna LOVE this /lh I do too I do too

Only comp title I can give is it has the vibes/tone of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark (just with none of the nsfw content lol if you've read the book you know what I'm talking about) (also that book is great for morally deplorable women protagonists but omg look up the content warnings because it caught me off guard! enjoyed it tho gave it 4 stars)

The pinterest board is the best visualisation of the Vibes also follow me on pinterest lol

And that's all I've got today! A bigger Life Cycle of Massive Stars update coming in the next few weeks. Might do a proper intro post for Eulogy For Our Burnings but idk!!! It's a surprise :) Thank you for reading this far!

#also i have LOTS to catch up on so if u tagged me in anything im gonna do a big queue of rb's soon!#promise im not ignoring anybody!#just barely functioning <3 #atlastracking #writing update #revelations revelations #life cycle of massive stars #nocturne for the holy #eulogy for our burnings

50 notes · View notes

not-easy-being-green-124 · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Mental Health Musings

Apparently this quarantine is just me vacillating between crippling depression and giant leaps and bounds of uncovering Great Mental Health Truths about myself. Well then.

The following is upon Emotional Intimacy and how I apparently trained myself to assume I’m supposed to live without it.

Let’s see if I can put this in any sense of order...

So like. I know that all I really ever wanted out of any sort of “partner” was someone whom I can walk up to and be like “I feel like shit” and they would give me a hug. That’s...that’s really it? Just someone who will take a moment, put stuff on pause for like 30 seconds, and give me a fucking hug. (I’m legit tearing up rn at how bad I want that). If they chose to be like...hey, can I do anything for you? that would just be a massive bonus. If they actually like...just did something? Holy shit that’s like the Jackpot Of All Wonderous Things.

But somewhere along the line, I’ve convinced myself that all of that--even just a hug-- was too much to ask. I’ve convinced myself that even requesting affection is too much. That even saying “i’m having a shit day” is too much. And that *gasp* saying “I’m having a shit day” in the hopes that someone will notice and give me affection? That’s straight up manipulative bullshit.

I’m not....exactly sure where I got all of that? I think partly from the fact that men aren’t taught to be emotionally responsive, so Straight Me was legit trying to teach myself not to rely on a Male Partner for emotional responses (wow, fucked up a bit???).

I think also from the fact that any sort of negative emotional display in my family is frowned upon? Don’t whine, don’t complain, think positive, etc. Not in an intentionally abusive manner, but in a way which ended up being extremely unhealthy for me--someone who struggles to process emotions to begin with. I’ve developed this idea that negative emotions (sadness, anger, frustration) are Bad and should Not Be Expressed. (Absolutely lovely when I am a Depressed Bitch.)

Like I...literally cannot cry in front of anyone? I just. Won’t. I cannot let other people know that I am sad because that would be asking for attention and that is Bad. (If there’s one thing I teach my students it’s to cry for God’s sake.) I will 100% smile at you while dying on the inside. I was smiling and laughing while talking to my mom on the way to the ER three days ago, despite legit wanting to die from pain. It’s what I do. (And it’s something I’m working on a lot, believe me.)

I think part of this also came from me trying to comprehend my emotional dysregulation as a child. My moods swung so drastically due to the ADHD and bipolar, so I tried to not “pin my hopes” on like...everything. This morphed into me teaching myself that I “can’t depend on people to make me happy”. This probably came from the fact that my best friend? Made me super happy. I loved hanging out with her, she brightened my day, she just made life better. When she would ignore me, or something would happen, I would get sad. Somehow I decided that was Emotional Neediness and I needed to Stop.

I don’t know that anyone ever said any of this. I just...invented it and never said it out loud.

I needed to be strong, independent, and not rely on anyone to make me happy.

It has recently occurred to me that this might be, in fact, extremely unhealthy. I am not yet convinced of this fact, because 27 years of that bullshit is hard to change.

What has potentially changed my mind?

Tumblr.

No joke, y’all.

I come on here and depression-post because I’m trying to teach myself to be honest with people. I’m trying to learn that I need to admit that I’m feeling like shit--not so that I can get any attention (because that’s still Bad) but so that I can go self care in private. It’s easier for me to be honest when I know everyone will just ignore me, as they should.

Except y’all don’t?! Like. Y’all. People in the fandom. Mutuals whom I haven’t really talked to. IRL friends who see my posts and text me. Like. You just. Reach out? And go “hey we love you”. Without like....without telling me to shut up, stop whining? I just.

What is this?!

Within the last 24 hours I realized that I just might have an issue with understanding how human beings are supposed to work. Like. Are we, perhaps, made to actually give and receive emotional intimacy and I somehow missed that memo?

Did I legit manage to un-invent the basics of human interaction in my own mind?

It should be noted that none of this holds true in reverse. I 100% expect and want people to come to me and tell me when they are upset. I love comforting people--students, friends, anyone--and I would legit die if I couldn’t give people hugs or listen to them or try to make them smile.

Is that how most people are? Did I just... miss the memo on what actual relationships are supposed to look like?

I think I did?!?!

Anyhow. If you read the whole way through this, thanks! I would 100% take any advice on this because this is a deeply ingrained Thing in my mind and I’m not...really sure what counts as being “clingy” and “needy” and what counts as normal...emotional expectations????? Very not joking here.

Also, if you read this far and you’re one of those people who’ve reached out to me--whether we know each other IRL, whether we’ve chatted a lot in the fandom, or whether we just reblog stuff from each other-- please know that means so much more to me than you know. That you took the time to answer my vague, unformed “someone care please” posts? Yeah, that means a lot.

I’ma go hide under a blanket now, since my brain is telling me that this whole post is Too Much Emotions and I’m once again Asking For Attention. Brain. Take a rest.

#mental health #long post #emotional intimacy #tl;dr: tumblr teaches local human that its okay to ask for a hug #tl:dr: local human is still not convinced that its okay to ask for a hug #tl;dr: you all are awesome

10 notes · View notes

pairodicelost · 4 years

Text

fought with my sister last night and still havent resolved it but we’re gonna try tonight

was tearfully mad last night after less than one glass of wine so it cant have been drunk emotions, and it got to full blown “im done talking abt this rn its not gonna get any better bc im so hurt and upset” (to which she replied “I think we should come back to this” which annoyed me bc thats what I just SAID and then she graciously added “I still love you” which immediately soothed my reactive heart and reminded me to reassure her I still love her too) and then this morning i was blue blue blue blue to the point of texting a friend who immediately started sending me sad irish ballads to help, and then I started menstruatng like halfway thru the day, and that contextualizes some of it I GUESS and am loathe to admit but still

still still still the stuff I got bent outta shape about are ongoing issues we have and aren’t dispelled just bc i have something throwing my feelings outta whack

also she and I are just like, CRIMINALLY busy and emotionally taxed lately. I’m workin every fuckin day 9am to 10pm basically, she works less hours technically but is still full time employed and one of those work days is Sunday for some fucked up reason, and her stuff is all in laboratories and time sensitive and she cant make exceptions. plus she has a boyfriend now and is juggling her time and obligations and is applying to grad schools so we are both stress machines lately

she’s really rude and blunt sometimes and just not warm or sympathetic, and i get my feelings hurt massively and yet feel like bc I’m older and.... stronger? something? I need to be a pillar of unconditional love for her since our parents were shit. but then I inevitably get upset at some point and harp on abt how I have to do that and she doesn’t even want me to be the Older Sister she just wants me to be her peer. I don’t know. it’s stuff like not knowing/gauging/misgauging how much I can lean on her versus not expect her to deal with.

dont know how much of my martyr narrative is bogus self imposed, versus actually skewed dynamics with her. also dont know how much is reasonable to expect her to change. or me to change? i don’t think i’m perfect (though also don’t think i was in the wrong yesterday, of course.)

also i have a phone date with director friend, and also my fairygodmom’s birthday is today and she’s having a zoom party, and I need to prep for art market this weekend, and unpack my house, and I wanna finish that bottle of wine, fuck meeeeee there arent enough hours in the day.

#practically a journal entry

1 note · View note

emotionalcello-makefanfics · 5 years

Link

WARNING : Graphic description of BLood and Violence. A Mild description of Panic/Anxiety attack ....

And Not Beta Read. Sorry if there’s a mistake.

Click link to read on AO3. Click Keep Reading to read on tumblr~~

Chapter 1 3

Chapter 2

Word count : 2.4 k

From time to time their hangouts on Fridays become less frequent. Tim had already made meeting with Jason -a regular civilian- hard enough with his lifestyle. Back then, Jason would always seek Tim, just taking him out of that busyness for a chill night out. Or just because he misses Tim, and wanted to see his face.

Jason doesn’t do that anymore.

They used to meet once a week, that turned into once in a while, and it’s been two months since Jason saw him last. They would still text regularly though, because even though it’s hard to meet Tim face to face, Jason never wanted to cut Tim off, never. So texting and calling it is, and it’s so much easier than seeing the person physically.

Jason loves when Tim sends him pet pictures. Tim would send a picture Titus the great dane snuggling with Alfred the cat, and it was the cutest sight he’s ever seen.

Sometimes he would check on Tim, asking if things are well. They would call and chat about petty things at work or things they’re mildly annoyed with. Or sometimes just banter about politics. None of them know how they got into that, but they did.

Jason would ramble about novels and Tim about a newfound manga. Talking and chatting like that is easier than meeting Tim, but it gets less and less easy for Jason.

Sometimes their call will be interrupted by someone. Sometimes Tim sends a couple of pictures with Superboy. Sometimes Tim didn’t reply for a month because of a mission, and Jason can’t do anything but to pray to the void and the universe that he’s alive at least.

He hated those days without hearing from Tim. There are times that his hands will start to shake whenever he was reminded that he hadn’t heard about Tim. His mind just whirls into the worst possibility ever and it’s swirling down too fast for Jason to stop.

It gets dangerous when he would drop heavy things in the middle of work. A car engine, a box of tools, his phone, and as a bonus, sometimes they land on his feet. Or when he sees bad news from a villain on TV, the world would spin a little and it’s harder to breathe.

He wanted to check up. He just wanted to walk to Wayne manor and demanded to know where he is.

To calm himself, he reminds himself that Tim has superheroes friends on his side. A Kryptonian as a soulmate too. Tim will be fine.

But sometimes those train of thoughts backfires.

They really have grown up after all. Jason promised himself that he’ll never let Tim grows away from him, but knowing the path he takes, and the soul mark on his body, some things are inevitable. Even so, Tim will be fine. With or without him.

As ridiculous as it sounds, Jason is anxious because there’s nothing to be anxious about.

“Jason!”

The ground is so close to his face. When did he get down on his knees? No, not on his knees anymore, he’s sitting on the side of his hips. He sees his open hands on the grease-stained ground, and they started to double into four.

“Breathe, Jason. Come on, follow my lead.” It’s Mrs. Knope’s voice. Feeling her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and following her commands to inhale and exhale.

Jason is getting his composure back, enough to look back to the TV hanged on the wall.

A swarm of robots attack in central Gotham. Red Robin is the first to respond. Tim’s bleeding, thrown to the ground, but he keeps getting back up. Jason wanted to run there, to help, to do something.

His friends came in. Superboy carries Red Robin away.

And Jason sighs at ease.

Tim is safe.

Tim will be fine.

++++++++

[Two Months ago]

Tim

Saw you on tv todya

Today

I rly thought you gonn die if not for your bf saving your dumbass so many times

Get back to me after you’re conscious you mad lad

[One Month ago]

I hope you’re on a mission rn and not purposely ignoring me

Or are you still recovering? you better be having some fingers cracked for not replying to me

Jk tho heal faster bitch I need some Alfred’s fluff belly pics

[Three weeks ago]

Tim what’s going on?

[Two Weeks ago]

Hey, dude, I’m just checking in

Saw you in crime alley

You’re dressed as a girl but you ain’t fooling me

[Two weeks ago]

Nvm it’s not you

Where are you tho?

[Yesterday]

Tell me you’re okay at least

Just something

Anything

Tim

++++++++

It struck like a bad feeling. Like a ghost going through your body, sending chills down your spine that can only mean nothing but bad. He’s started shaking like a scared rabbit. The ground under his feet feels like moving like a boat through a storm, he lost strength in his grip and his legs.

He lands himself on the side of the car he was working on, leaning there until he gets his ground again. From far away he can see Mrs. Knope coming over to him.

“Jason, it’s okay,” she turned the TV off, knowing it’s one of Jason’s trigger.

It’s not. Not this time, and the reason is something Jason couldn’t explain. He holds on to her, and regain his breath like the practice she taught him.

“Mrs... Mrs. Knope,” Jason said after finally catching his breath, “I have to go, right now, I’ll work on weekends in return.” Then Jason takes off without looking back.

“What- oh you better!” she scolded before she’s out of Jason’s hearing range.

Running aimlessly, Jason found himself in the depth of Crime alley, trying to look for Tim there and it is as crazy as that sounds, but his mind is awry from rational thoughts to think any differently. So, there he goes running like he’s a scared tourist. Then, after regaining some of his sanity, he calls and texts Tim even though his chat from two months ago hasn’t been read yet. Unsurprisingly, Tim didn’t pick up.

Bearing no fruit from running around, the only reasonable place he can look for Tim is the Wayne manor.

He has absolutely zero fucks at the moment that it’ll make Batman know that Jason knew about their identities. That’s a problem he’ll deal with after he calms his sudden anxiousness. It sounds like a petty reason but currently, Jason feels like dying.

There’s no public transport to the rich residential area, but there’s a stop near there so he takes it. Annoying the people on the bus with the tapping of his foot. He calms himself, thinking about good things, positive things. That maybe he’s just imagining things, that Tim is fine and maybe on a prolonged mission, and he’s making a fool of himself.

That must be it. He just needs to know that Tim is fine, even though going to his home is stalker-ish, it’s just something Jason needs to do. His embarrassment will have to wait.

Jason runs there as soon as the bus’ door open, powered with adrenaline and anxiousness. Soon, Wayne Manor came into view, and he spams the bell by the gate until someone finally speaks from the speaker in a British accent.

“Wayne Manor, state your business.”

“I need to see Tim,” Jason demanded.

“I’m sorry sir, but Master Timothy is still at work.” Oh, that’s good, now he just needs to go there.

“Where? Tell me the adress.”

“And what is your business with Master Timothy?”

“I just need to see him, he’s not returning my calls and texts the past two months. So, just tell me where he is!” Jason is getting impatient.

“Pardon me, but I don’t like your threatening tone, please contact Master Timothy himself if you’d like to meet.”

“No! Mr. Pennyworth I’m sorry just listen to me,” Jason called his name, and the static noise means the butler hasn’t disconnected yet.

Jason felt like his breathing is getting hard, but, oh god, not now...

“I need to see him,” Jason’s breath is getting shallower, he doesn’t want to do this, but Pennyworth is stalling, deflecting, now Jason knows something is wrong. “I know you know who I am, and I know...” Jason gulps, “I know.”

There’s a pause from the other end, and the gates open.

“Please come in Mr. Todd.” The speakers say before it’s off.

Jason runs through the pathway to the grand 4-meter tall door. A butler opens it before Jason has a chance to knock. Face stoic and head high. A balding drey hair, matching thick mustache, judging eyes and dressed in a pristine black suit and white shirt. The old butler moves away from the door and gestured Jason to come in.

The room inside is warm and cozy, but so big that it feels uneasy for Jason that used to tight spaces. Carpeted floor, a high ceiling with a chandelier in the middle of it and a massive family portrait at the end of the wall. Tim is in it, along with Bruce Wayne, the first adopted son Richard Grayson, the second adopted daughter Stephanie Brown, and the blood son Damian Wayne.

“Master Tim had gone off-grid for an hour,” Pennyworth informed, “The others are trying to find him at this moment, we could wait together if you’d like, to calm yourself from having an attack.” The butler eyes him knowingly, eyes fond and understanding.

Jason grits his teeth, impatient, “No, where is the last point he’s offline.”

“If you have any intentions to find him, I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”

“You have to,” Jason stares down at the butler with fist clenched, “Depends on the area, he may not make it.”

“I assumed you knew about Master Timothy’s capabilities, I guess I assume wrong.” The butler shows his deprecating face towards Jason, and he’s not having that.

“Oh I know Tim can kick-ass, but I know these people even more, and their reputation underground. You don’t know how deep those villains connection runs. The people down there will do anything, only for a few bucks, or just something to eat. And you bet they would kill and conspire, and they won't care who they kill.”

Then, the butler’s expression is finally something else than calm stoic, but he stays silent.

“You don’t need to tell me anything else, just what his alias is, and the last time he’s visible. Please,” Jason begged, and it’s hard to control the croak threatening at the back of his throat.

“He’s last seen on Fulton street,” that’s near Crime alley, “his alias is Cal Corcoran.”

Jason sighs a relieved breath, “Thank you, and one more thing, don’t tell them that I’m looking for Tim.”

“Why is that.”

“Because he won't like my way, and I don’t want him to hold me back.”

Pennyworth’s face twisted in regret, but before the butler can say anything. Jason holds his arm in a firm grasp, eyes sharp the other’s pair of old wise eyes.

“I know you don’t trust me, but you have to believe in me. I’ll find him.” He’s filled with unshakable tenacity, newfound courage and an absolute determination to do anything. “Even with my life on the line.”

Pennyworth doesn’t move even a muscle on his face, then he holds the hand on his arm.

“Please bring him home,” the butler finally says.

Jason nods gratefully and runs towards the city. He knows exactly who to see first.

++++++

Jason had never been back here for years. When he left, he never looks back. How many years has it been? Yet everything is still the same. Still so easy to pick the door open. The room still smells foul, and the furniture is just as old and scarce.

An old man sprawled the couch, a beer on his hand and the tactical gear on his body means that he just returned from ‘work. He looks even older as if that’s even possible compared the state Jason last seen him.

“What are you doing here,” his dad slurred in his speech, not even bothered to stand up.

“You are going to tell me the list of your friends and where I can meet them.”

“And why do you think I would tell you?” He smirks, and he laughs, like a drunk. Then he throws the bottle of beer, aiming for Jason’s head, which he gives credit to his dad it was pretty close.

But he avoids it with ease, and the bottle breaks on the wall behind him.

“Get out! Get the fuck outta--” His dad finally shuts up, thanks to Jason’s knife against his throat.

His dad twists his face in outrage, “You don’t have the balls to--” Jason takes the knife away, leaving a red mark on the neck, and sink that knife on his dad’s right hand and through his thigh when Jason sees it grabbing into something in his pocket. The man only screamed for a millisecond before Jason shoved a bundle of cloth on his old man’s screaming mouth.

There are tears rolling down his sunken eyes. Jason never saw him cry before, not even when his mom died.

Jason left the knife there, and pulls another one and place it on a red line on his neck. His dad twitch away, he tried to, but Jason’s knife presses his neck hard against the couch. There’s no compassion left in him for his dad, not ever fear or guilt when looking at the man’s terrified and pained face.

“I will and can kill you if you’re not useful. I can get the names from anyone else, but I figure... You’d like a chance to do your son at least one favor, wouldn’t you?” Jason doesn’t frown, doesn’t show any expression. He doesn’t want to grace his dad with any expression. The knife sinks into the think fled on his neck, and Jason mercilessly drags it towards his Adam's apple like cutting a cake, leaving a trail of red that leaks blood.

“Wouldn’t you?” Jason says more firmly, pressing the knife even deeper.

His dad is shaking, eye blown wide in terror, and finally nods.

“Good, and along with the names, I’m going to need your guns and stash of drugs.”

#jaytim fanfic #emocel's #jaytimweek #jaytimbingo2019

5 notes · View notes

timelvss · 6 years

Text

haunting past

parings: min yoongi | reader ft. jungkook

genre: idol au / angst (kinda a lot)

warnings: heartbreak, post break up

word count: 3.4k

description: jin is getting married, you have no date and you don’t want to see your ex min yoongi

author’s note: this is one of my firsts fics that im making, it took forever to finish but i’m so glad it came out well. Also if there is any spelling mistakes please forgive me, its 12 am and im finally posting this. Thank you for reading!

ps. i wrote a sequel! you can find it here, Haunting Present .

“Jennie, for the third time, I’m not going. It’s a stupid idea,” You said into the phone as you kept on folding the warm clothes splayed out in front of you.

“I know, but hey, maybe it’s been enough time,” she said back. You could hear rustling in the background and you swore it was because it was probably was at the mall once again. “I think you need to tell yourself to move on. His career came before you, go and show him you don’t need him,”

“I haven’t even dated since two years ago Jens, I think he can see I’m still a little hurt,” you mumbled back. Setting clothes in different piles as you sighed back into the phone.

“Hey, Jungkook will be there, ask him to pretend to be your date,” Jennie said back as you finished folding the last shirt. That wasn’t a bad idea, but you still felt guilty about using Jungkook just so you wouldn’t look so lonely.

“I’ll think about it okay?” you said as you rubbed your eyes, shaking your head at the thought of asking Jungkook.

“Okay, I gotta go. Also, if you do decide to go I picked up a dress for you so let me know.” You heard Jennie say as you tried to hang up the phone. You both said your farewells and finally hung up the phone. You were terrified of showing up to Jisoo’s engagement party dateless and bumping into your ex on accident.

Walking along the same path you walked every day you found yourself noticing small things that probably did not matter to other people besides you. For example, how the cafe in the corner always around the same time made the whole street smell like fresh baked pastries, how the warm weather was slowly running away from you, and how the people always seemed to know who you were. Right before turning your heel back to your street your boyfriend, Yoongi was sitting on the bench facing you. Smiling you walked towards him, only to be greeted by a small kiss to your cheek.

“How was work?” Yoongi asked as his hand moved around your waist to keep you close to him.

“Good, but you know how Seokjin is. He was bugging Jisoo and me about the demographics around the area for the new construction plans,” leaning into Yoongi’s shoulder you let yourself rest against him. You felt him tense for a second before breathing out a sigh making you furrow your eyebrows. “How was your day?”

“Listen, I need to tell you something,” he said and suddenly you felt everything rush inside of you. Was he going to dump you? Was there someone else? A thousand questions ran through your head making you back away from his embrace. “Don’t be like that, come back,”

“Tell me everything then,” you said, fixing your bag on your shoulder.

“The company accepted me.”

After the news of Yoongi getting accepted to the company you decided to drop everything and move to Seoul, of course Yoongi wouldn't even be living with you due to the company’s regulations but you were still a lot closer. Your job took another significant jab, the only way they would relocate you was if you wanted to move departments and start over from zero. You knew Yoongi felt terrible about moving your whole life to another city because of him so you didn’t mention the loss of your position.

The city live was something you were still trying to get used to, it was a lot different than Daegu but you wanted Yoongi to be happy. Since him joining the company all the free time was his lunches where you would meet up with him at a restaurant near the studio or he would come to your place. Yoongi would explain to you what his duties were including some lyrics of some songs he was writing. The excitement radiated off him and you couldn't help but to feel happy for him to be accomplishing his dreams.

About three months in, the lunches became less frequent and you knew it wasn't because Yoongi was getting tired of you but because he was too immersed into his work. You were a bit worried about him overworking himself or missing meals due to his new lifestyle. Which is why you spent most of the morning in the kitchen trying to prepare a couple of sandwiches and snacks for him.

You walked along the busy streets towards the studio where you knew Yoongi was probably still in. You had texted him a few times but after no reply you decided to go drop the food of yourself. After about 20 minutes of walking you walking into the lobby, meeting a young girl at the front desk who gave you directions towards the studio in which Yoongi was in. You made your way through the halls until you reached a door with the sign that said, ‘Agust D’ making you smile. You knocked a few times only to be greeted by a tall slender man who gave you a questioning look.

“You are?” the mystery man questioned you as he looked at the basket in your hands and then back inside. “Wait, you must be the mystery lady Yoongi mentioned. I’m Namjoon, I’ve been working with Yoongi for the past couple of days,”

“Nice to meet you,” you said back giving the guy a nod as he moved out of the way for you to come in. You gave Namjoon a small bow and walked towards Yoongi who was sitting in front of a whole arrangement of buttons with a pair of headphones on his ears.

“I’ll leave you two alone, I’m going to try to ask Wendy out again,” Namjoon said making you smile. You nodded and turned back to your boyfriend with a smile on your lips.

“Hey Yoongs, I brought you some food and snacks,” taking off Yoongi’s headphones you said carefully.

“Oh you're here, yes thank you. You can go now I have to get back to work, wait where’s Namjoon?” Yoongi said pushing the food further away from him and then down on the floor. You felt something tug inside but you kept it down.

“Yoongi have you even eaten?” You didn't realize what had slipped past your mouth until it was too late.

“Y/N go home, I’m busy,” Yoongi said sighing again as he stood up from his chair,.

“I gave everything up for you and all I get is a ‘go home, I’m busy.’ Are you fucking serious Min Yoongi?” you groaned. A small part of you felt guilty but your rage was boiling. How dare he try to push you away after everything you had given up for him?

“I don't want to argue with you,” Yoongi said in a stern voice. His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, you could tell he was tired. He looked like he hadn't slept in days making you feel worse than what you felt before.

“I’ve tried keeping everything down Yoongi, ever since you sent in the audition tape. I kept doing everything I thought was right just to please you but I’m so exhausted. Just say you’ll try to fix this, that you’ll fight for me,” you begged him one last time as tears built up. Your vision was turning blurry and the pang in your chest was at its worse.

“Go home.” You could only nod and look back at the man in front of you, giving him one last smile before you walked out of the studio. Your hands whipped any remaining tears away from your eyes and held your head up. Not even the Min Yoongi genius was going to see you cry.

Pulling on the dress you still thought this was a terrible idea but Jennie was persistent that you ‘show up and show him his loss’. You couldn’t really picture it being a loss really. In the two years you left him he only managed to debut and gather a pretty massive fanbase. His album was top selling in the rankings and at award shows he always seemed to be the smiley Yoongi you knew. He was rumored to be dating some girl from a group but you decided not to pay attention.

You were finishing up the rest of your makeup when your phone gave a small ding, telling you a message came.

[6.24 pm ] jungkook : are u almost ready bc im on my way rn

When you finally asked Jungkook to go with you it seemed like a good idea, but now that you saw the text you felt a wave of dizziness come over. You couldn’t show up with another guy, everyone would ask you and what was your answer? No, he's just a friend. Way to go Y/N.

[6.25 pm ] you : yes but i want to die

You could practically hear Jungkook laughing at you, but your brain was screaming and your heart was probably dead in a ditch.

[6.26 pm ] jungkook : don’t worry if it gets too bad well ditch and go for burgers even if seokjin hyung kills us

Jungkooks hand was on your back as you both walked towards the entrance of the reception. Flowers and arrangements decorated small tables around the room, it was beautiful but it was obvious Seokjin picked them.

“Y/N! You actually came!” you heard Jisoo’s scream from across the room. Suddenly you were wrapped in too many arms and all you could do was smile.

“See, I told you she would show up,” Jin said against your head making you laugh as you nodded your head. “I know how hard it must be to be here, but thank you,” JIn whispered back against your head as Jisoo pulled back from you. You could only give him a tight smile and nod your head once again.

“It’s a special day for the both of you, I wanted to be here,” You said as your hand slipped around Jungkook’s arm, making you feel a bit safer than before. Jin pulled back to you at your date and raised one if his eyebrows. “It’s not what you think,”

“Woman, you know I’m more than fine with who you date but really? A kid?” Seokjin said as a laugh escaped his lips and you tried hard to contain yours.

“Excuse me, I’m not a child and I’m actually twe-”

“Seokjin,” Your head quickly turned to the voice who said those words. You gripped tighten around Jungkook’s arm and your heart felt like it was beating a million times per minute. Jungkook held his grip on you and gave you a reassuring smile, you could only nod and try to look away from where the voice was coming from.

“Oh, Yoongi, I thought you said you weren’t gonna make it,” you could hear the small amount of surprise in Seokjin’s voice.

“I wasn’t but Jisoo asked my mom, she pretty much forced me to walk out of the studio,” Yoongi chuckled and you could only feel your heart clenching. Jungkook must have sensed your discomfort because his arm slipped around your torso, helping you stand completely up and you could only pray a genuine smile was on your lips when you turned to see your ex.

Excusing ourselves, Jungkook lead the way to your table only to find Jennie with a man who you didn't know but suspected it was one of her new toys. You could feel a pair of eyes burning into the back of your head but you refused to turn around. If you did you might as well tell him you still love him.

“I can still feel his eyeballs on us,” Jungkook said beside you as he took a small sip of his water trying to sound as calm a possible.

“Well, he did have an intense stare,” you sigh as the words slip out of your mouth, bringing your hand up to rub the bridge of your nose.

“It’s okay now he thinks you got someone, I don't see how this is bad,” Jennie said as her date placed a kiss to the top of her head. You could tell she meant a lot more to him than him to her but you weren't going to spill any secrets you lowkey understood. “But, I can go tell him to fuck off if you want,”

“Let him be, it's fine, I’ll be fine.” You fingers found themselves on your temples as you leaned on to your elbows. Glancing down at your drink and then back at the people around yourself.

The music was at full blast when you least realized, people danced in the small stage and all you could do was smile at the people. Jin and Jisoo looked like they were having the time of their life which only made you wonder if that would ever come to you. Jungkook was talking to Jennie’s date while she was out dancing with a couple of her other friends. You always hated dancing but now you only wanted to slow dance with a single person.

“C’mon, you need to start practicing,” Yoongi’s hands found themselves on your hips, tugging you closer to his body. A goofy grin spread over his lips as you laughed at his words.

“Practicing for what?”

“For our wedding.”

The both of you laughed as you wrapped your hands around his neck, slowly moving your legs to the rhythm of the song. He could only let out a groan every time you stepped on his toes making you whisper out a million ‘sorry’s and ‘forgive me’s.

You stood up from your chair and excused yourself from your friends, walking out of the venue and towards one of the balconies. Leaning against the railing you let out a loud sigh knowing no one was around. The realization of things were heavy against your shoulders as you looked up the sky. The love you felt for Yoongi was still there and you had no idea how to get rid of it. Maybe saying yes to a date with Jungkook would be a good idea but you didn't want to leave the boy broken hearted in the process of figuring yourself out.

“Do you want to dance?” quickly turning you found the source of the voice, Min Yoongi.

“Yoongi,” you breathed out as if it was your last breath. Your heart was racing against your chest and you were so glad the man wasn’t standing closer or else he would have seen your hands start to shake.

“It doesn't have to mean anything, but seeing them dance didn't feel right because that cou-”

“Don't say it” you warned the man in front of you, as he stepped closer to you. You could see his changed features this close better than any recent picture you found yourself stalking that day.

His hair was a light blue and it was ready to turn back to blonde in the next few washes and you could only think of how that was his color when you left. His eyes looked tired, but he always looked tired even when he slept through all his alarms and got to class late. His shoulders were more broad and he no longer looked like a boy, this Yoongi that was in front of you was a man. A man that you still loved with every cell in your body.

“Y/N,” he pleaded as his hand slowly made his way to cup your face making you stare up at him. Everything felt in place but you knew deep inside it meant nothing, because after this night things would go back to the way they were. Two separate lives, Yoongi living his dream while you tried to figure out how to push him out of your life. “Please, just one dance,”

You could only nod and him as his hand slipped down to take yours into his while the other took its place on your hip. Resting your hand on his shoulder you both moved closer to each other, your head was tucked underneath his. You could hear his breaths as you both slowly swayed back and forth. The movement felt all too familiar and you couldn’t help to feel your eyes start to water, making you turn your head to the side so it was harder for him to see you. The song played in the background making your heart ache, but that was a feeling familiar to you by now.

“You look beautiful,” Yoongi said as a smile was spread over his lips. It was a bit sad on how you could tell by not even looking at him. “I never thought I’d see you again, or that you would come at all. I just came to see if I could see you again which I’m glad I did at least. Even though you came with someone, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I lost the biggest part of me when I pushed you away and you didn’t deserve that,”

“Things happen Yoongi,” letting out a small laugh you picked at your nails for about the hundredth time since you arrived to the venue. Or more like, since you saw Yoongi.

“I lost the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t, you,” Yoongi said as his legs moved along with the rhythm. He was no better than you at dancing, but the time that passed his legs seemed to move more with the music you noticed. Although you couldn’t say the same for yours.

“Yoongi, you can't say that,” you said pulling back from his arms. Shaking your head and letting your hand put a safe distance between the both of you.

“You need to hear it, I’m not asking you to take me back but I want you back in my life,” you heard him say making your heart skip a beat. You brain was screaming at you and telling you to run, but your feet kept you grounded to the floor as if they had grown roots. “I know I’m not the most decent human being, but I just want you back. I was a wreck after I realized I didn't have you in my life anymore. I called everyone and asked everyone about you, but you disappeared from here and I had the album coming. I did nothing, so now I'm begging you to please let me back into your life. I need you,”

Your mind was running in circles and you could only take more steps backwards. Your hands wiped any tears that found themselves rolling down your cheeks, you couldn’t let him see you like this. He couldn't make you cry. Not again. Your gaze met his and his eyes screamed for an answer, but your mouth had nothing to say.

“Y/N,” you turned to see Jungkook standing by the door frame, the look in his eyes was something you had never seen before. His whole mood screamed protect and you could only move towards him. You heard Yoongi make a noise behind you but you told yourself not to look back.

“Jungkook,” you whispered as you turned to look at Yoongi who was visibly sending daggers towards Jungkook.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook walked towards you and put his hands on your cheeks, wiping any remains of tears away from your eyes. You could only stare back at him, he truly cared for you and you saw that in his eyes.

“Yes, let’s go,” you told Jungkook, making him nod and take your hand in his. You turned back at Yoongi one last time before you left. Your feet moved along with Jungkook’s as you both walked out of the venue, not looking back at any of the people you both left behind.

“Y/N, no please! Don't go, please!” You heard Yoongi’s screams from behind you only making your grip on Jungkook’s hand tighter. He was saying something that you couldn't catch because your ears were buzzing. You heard Jin screaming at Yoongi and footsteps behind you as Jungkook opened the car door for you. Yoongi’s eyes found yours as you stood in front of your seat. His eyes were red and tears rolled and he looked as if he had been crying all night, but you knew it had only been minutes.

“I’m sorry, Yoongi.”

#min yoongi scenarios #min yoongi fanfiction #min yoongi fanfic #min yoongi scenario #min yoongi angst #yoongi fanfic #yoongi scenarios #yoongi fanfiction #yoongi scenario #yoongi angst #min yoongi #yoongi #bts

98 notes · View notes

lifesfeelings · 6 years

Text

The Asshat

So this post is kind of all over the place because that’s where my life is it 😂 so first things first is San. So I’ve still been pretty down and just kind of really shut off since everything happened with San. We are still texting and he’s being cool and all. He’s liking my instagram posts and he’s still just being really normal about everything. Well do you guys remember when he told me he wasnt “mentally ready for a relationship with anyone.”? Because I do and I VIVIDLY remember also calling bull shit on that when it happened. Well like the massive asshole that he is, he posted a picture on his Snapchat today of his and another guys shadows holding hands and he put heart emojis circling them. He then posted a second picture of this guy that he took. He posted a picture on Instagram following all this that said “I just really wish that you were here so I could love you.” And like honestly I’ve never been this devastated with a rejection and with things going to shit. Like I’m used to and I’m prepared for the worst to happen at all times when it comes to crushes and people I like but never has somebody been this much of an asshat directly in front of me. The most painful part is that I still have that small piece of Hope that’s deep in me trying to have thoughts like “well maybe he’ll be mentally prepared soon and things will all work out!” Or the thought that “well things were going so good and there’s no way he’d turn to some other guy so easily after telling me that he can’t do a relationship rn.” But like in my rationale mind I know that any hope I’m holding out is a load of bs and that I need to extinguish it before I am hurt any farther. What’s killing me is that I can’t seem to shake him even after knowing what he’s doing to me. I think about him literally all day and I want to text him all the time and I want to see him and go on dates and hold his hand and make him feel better but I know that he has this other guy and I know he doesn’t feel bad even a smidgeon about having flaunted this new guy directly in front of me knowing full well I’d see it the day after he shut me down. Honestly my main feeling is that I have to get my damn book back. It’s my favorite book and I have it annotated up and I let him borrow it because I believed in him and it’s a root that I need to dig up. If I get my book back I can forgot and shrink out of the situation. But without the book, all my emotions are gonna keep festering and I’ll never be able to just forget and remove everything that happened. I’m fairly certain that it’s because of the books that I lost to Bryan and Jason that I’m still on them as well. I NEED TO STOP LENDING MY BOOKS!

(07/09/18)

#books #borrowing #stealing #heart break #blog #my life #gay #writing #life #life story #crush #my story #boyfriend #book #hope

2 notes · View notes

survivor-mountmerapi · 3 years

Text

Ep. 8: “This isn't really my drama” - Anastasia

Elle

Me getting votes in the first post-merge tribal? We absolutely hate to see it folks!! I feel like I'm being so pessimistic about my chances in this game but also like... shouldn't I be 😂😂 God I hope those two votes were Julia and Pietro (but still like, r00d. lol) I have a 10% DA in this next challenge... I'll be Frank [-but then who will be Elle?] Things aren't looking amazing for me but I don't think I'll go home next round (unless Julia has another idol 😭😭😭). I don't even know what to say I'm just bad at thisss 😅 I mean the game not confessionals I've been leaving my heart and soul in these lol. Anyway I'm gone for now I'll just leave with this: Liability is the best song off of Melodrama not Ribs mmk bye ✌🏽✨

DeNara

Oh my gosh, that tribal!!! When Raffy pulled the idol I was like.... what the heck is happening?!?! I can understand Raffy playing it because he wasn't solid with the other warriors and newbies voting with him, but it was a waste of an idol. TBH I am glad he played it though since I didn't know he had it. I felt bad that Pietro went home just because he was aligned with Julia, but it happens. I had to try and do some damage control with Moth and Elle, as well as Rachel after tribal. They were shook when Julia pulled an idol and Pietro got votes. Anastasia just out right told me the magic beans she got at the auction allowed her to see if people have idols and said she would use it for me (I think she said this to everyone). I don't think Elle, Moth or Rachel suspect me playing both sides hard, but who knows. I really don't know who I should work with. I was thinking about making a big move and flipping to my new "Lucky Charms" alliance with Moth, Elle, Ginnifer, Rachel and potentially Julia, but it could be too early for that. The sad thing is I want to work with Rachel and Elle for sure but they aren't in my core alliance. I am suspicious of Gian because he seems to be playing pretty hard and he isn't aligned to me much. Madi and I don't talk much so that gets me worried as well. Raffy is super fun, but he is a big threat in this game. I honestly think it is just Steven keeping me with that group because he is my #1 in this game. I honestly am finding it hard to figure out who I want to work with because I like everyone in this game!!!!! I just can't get caught in the middle or I am hecked.

Raffy

The plan went off without a hitch. I did waste an idol, but now no one can say that I have one. I am considering telling my alliance that I have the "Safety Without Power" so that they don't have any reason to distrust me. It might have hit a sour note with them to find out I had an idol that I didn't tell them about. Gian didn't seem to mind, but most people put on an act in this game. It would be a hard decision, however, since they can easily use that against me at the next tribal. I hope that neither Julia nor Ginnifer win immunity. Julia speaks for itself. I am targeting her, and I want her gone. However, Ginnifer has now alarm bells ringing in my ear. DeNara told Steven and I that Ginnifer wants us GONE. Like, Ginnifer is on some sort of vendetta mission to take us out. While we don't have the exact reasoning, we can assume that she is targeting us for simply being winners. She seems to think that we think we're master manipulators and puppet masters who need to be brought down a peg. Here's the thing with that kind of logic though. It isn't going to work with people who don't care about us being winners. My allies don't care, and they are even ratting on you to me. I love DeNara. She's a great ally. I told Steven that maybe we should reconsider our target and make it Ginnifer. He seems down, but he doubts there would be numbers (as do I). Speaking of numbers, I need to be way more social than I already am. I don't have as much social capital as Steven or Madi or DeNara. So, I am going to start with the people who are probably near the bottom of people's ally list or are considered non-factors: Elle, Moth, and Anastasia. If I get in good with them, I can gain some solid numbers. Moth and Elle had no idea about the split, so I had to do some damage control. Whether that worked... I have no idea. However, I need to be more transparent with them so that I can gain their trust for future tribals. Plus, I am pretty sure that Elle has an idol.

Julia

BITCHES THOUGHT I WAS DOWN AND OUT FOR THE COUNT. Found another idol baby. I’m basically Rick devens. Anastasia is going to use her stupid magic beans on me again though but I simple don’t care. Let them know I have an idol great. Then they’re going to have to figure out who they want to vote for instead, which will create massive cracks for me to work around. I love this

Ginny

Since I went to exile I was safe from a tribal council on the first round of merge then when I got back I saw pietro was voted off in a chaotic tribal council but I’m in many different alliances but I’m choosing the original warriors alliance because warriors strong duh

Raffy

I did not win this immunity challenge which sucks. I think I might want to use my SWP because if I don't then I'm just going to be a target everyone wants for now. And I want to at least make single digits. I told my alliance of Gian, Madi, DeNara, and Steven about my SWP to gain their trust after not telling them about my idol. And if I do plan to use it this round, it doesn't hurt to tell them about to plan around this. I've been focusing a lot more on socializing, so we'll see if it garners me any favor to not be voted out. Julia has tried reaching out. I think I want to get her to target Ginnifer since the latter is coming after me.

DeNara

Heck ya, I may win individual immunity today! I find out soon if I will be competing in a tie breaker challenge to see if I win. I sure hope I do, I would feel great!

DeNara

I am playing the middle so hard right now I may end up getting voted out because of it... oof

Raffy

The vote should be unanimously Julia. I threw Ginnifer under the bus to Julia so that... she doesn't vote for me. Though, I doubt she has an idol. Plus, if she does, we are going to ask Anastasia to play a bean on her to see if she does. DeNara told me about an alliance with Ginnifer, Elle, Moth, Rachel, and herself. Apparently, Rachel is getting suspicious of Gian and Madi because they didn't tell her about the split vote. This works in my favor as it splits the newbie tribe a little bit because Gian and Madi seemed very pressed about it. This will sow the seeds of implosion for the newbies. The planned boot order would be Julia then Ginnifer. Apparently, Ginnifer, Elle, and Moth are a trio (but Ginnifer is the only person who cares about it). I'm not too concerned, but I am going to keep an eye on Rachel too now.

Ginny

Julia

I miss Pietro so much, it’s so fun deciding which person to send to jury with him tonight

Julia

GOD THIS IS FUN. Bitches being saying straight up in the tribe chat, oh I’m voting for Julia. Hwuxixkejwor this is actually so funny. I’m idoling elles ass out tonight and feeling absolutely no remorse

Elle

Not Julia coming for me within an inch of my life and then denying it 💀💀💀.

Moth

Holy fuck

I literally leave for 20 minutes and suddenly people are arguing and demanding tribal happens now Like noooooooo I hate this so much I need to do an exam in 20 minutes

DeNara

What in the actual F is happening. All I was doing was trying to get ready for work and Julia just full on started calling everyone out. Apparently Rachel tried to make an alliance with Julia and included me in on it, then Julia sent that to Raffy. So I had to try and do damage control and try and get Rachel to stop talking to Julia. THEN apparently Julia tried to frame Elle as trying to plot against Ginny which isnt true and now EVERYBODY is fighting in the tribe chat. Like this is so crazy rn. I just hope me playing the middle doesn't heck me over. I may need to ditch one side to save my game.... rip me

Anastasia

This isn't really my drama. I am a spectator and my name is out of peoples mouths which is perfect. I really don't understand what just happened. Like I saw Julias and Ginnys texts but I don't understand what it means lol. I will probably quietly ask around what people thought of it and vote with them as to lay low and stuff. Don't worry, I am going to plan to get someone threatening out soon. I'm still new at this and I'm learning everyday what to say and what not to say. But hopefully I can try to convince people to get out my target (raffy) next round. He really needs to go because he dominated the last org. He is too good at this game and if people ignore that he literally won half of the challenges and the entire game last org they are dumb. Luckily we have Rachel that keeps winning immunity so none of the actual targets get it. But of course, this is a concern. Rachel might have to go at some point sadly.

Julia

https://youtu.be/8EPTKjTqKFQ

Elle

Okay... so today I decided to pop off a bit (may be related to me being a little Done with irl stuff but that's not what this is about lol). Ginny came into our alliance with Moth DeNara and Rachel (we have another one without Rachel bc she's kinda on Julia's side/helped kick James off/p sure she knew what Anastasia's beans did and lied to us so she's very sus but we're keeping her close for now) and guns blazing was like "so I heard all of you were gonna vote me off" to which i was like ?? and then she said Julia told her I was a ringleader convincing everyone to vote Ginny out which. Incorrect. My now one and only goal in these games is to get Julia out and avenge James that's IT 😂 . And I have told so many people today but 👏🏽I👏🏽Am👏🏽Too👏🏽Dumb👏🏽To👏🏽Be👏🏽Conniving👏🏽. The idea that I could be a ringleader is hilarious honestly, and the idea that I would vote for anyone except Julia until she's out even more so. Anyway, I went into the tribe chat and said "So I've heard that there's a question as to who I'm voting, or who I'm endorsing, so I just want to clarify: *I'm voting for Julia* that is all ^_^" bc all I have is my word and the fact that I'm voting for Julia isn't a secret or anything lol. This got things very spicy at 11am and I'm sorry for everyone that had a class or job 😂 including me lol. me? missing an entire half of my class because survivor drama is way more interesting than typography? it's more likely than you think! We didn't end up having tribal right then and there even though I think about half of us were yelling for it 😂 (sorry again for the people at work or school idk why i woke up today and chose violence ajkjakhlalsjsj) We got on call with Julia to give us receipts but eh I don't trust it At all. Mostly because the receipts she gave weren't on the same stuff we were talking about??? Like she was calling out Raffy and Steven in them but that's not even where the convo started 😒. And nothing about how I'm this all-powerful ringleader trying to shoot someone down from my original tribe. I have to laugh. Anyway, I hope she goes tonight, if not it better be me bc this is getting 🎶frustrating🎶 and l am a complete angel until you talk shit about me or one of my closest allies and then you better be prepared for war it's that simple 😇

Moth

Julia claims that I refuse to talk to her when she legit hasn’t even reach out at all since the swap- like o k my dude- Jesus this is nuts

Julia

Why are people so obsessed with me 🤩

They really started a whole fight with me in the tribe chat today. It’s honestly super frustrating. But I think this could be good for me maybe? I think Elle is getting idoled out tonight, and then Ginny is still here. And Ginny has proved she’s a liar and a snake and is really chaotic so maybe she’ll be seen as a liability going forward

Gian

Rachel is trying to flip. Julia & Ginny are dangerous blabber mouths. The warriors won't take out one of their own and we still barely have majority. This is getting messssssssssy.

Madi

hey hey so heres the tea rachel is being a mf snake because she feels “betrayed” bc we “lied” to her for the pietro vote but like sis..... we didn’t LIE we just left out some details also have now tried to pin onto her that she has the other idol also so much tea went down while I was at work??????? it was pretty spicy but im just happy my name was nowhere near that I hope rachel does not start working with juli bc that would truly suck but having elle and moth and anastasia as numbers for us is very very good also anastasia has kinda gone AWOL and idk how much longer we are going to be able to keep her in too much longer but thats another story for another time I am scared people are starting to murmur my name, I might just be paranoid but Idk I hope this julia vote goes well

Raffy

This morning, Elle took to the tribe chat to confirm that she is voting Julia. This is because, according to Ginnifer, Julia has been telling Ginnifer that Elle was trying to ring leader Ginnifer's vote out. Ginnifer also got in on the action by saying that Julia is a liar and trying to snake other people. As it turns out, Ginnifer might just be paranoid, but, at the end of the day, whatever makes the target on Julia bigger.

Steven

https://youtu.be/2NGxkNjrGdk

Rachel

this game is so mentally draining. even if i've won immunity, i certainly don't feel safe. julia blew up the game by telling secrets, and it hurts cause i felt like i could trust her. i hate that i'm seeing viewing this game so personally, but i feel that i have lost such an epic battle and it is so frustrating.

Elle

Still the same tribal in a little less than an hour... I feel like I went a lot wild today, sure hope it isnt enough for everyone to switch and vote me out 🤷🏽‍♀️ I very well might be next after Julia though, or that's the paranoia. Idk, I miss pre-merge when I was just playing games with friends and not going to tribal 😂. Now it feels like a Lord of the Flies or Danganropa RPG and I feel like I let the craziness get to me a little. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I don't really ever know really. I'm tired 😅 and want to maybe read some fanfic before whatever happens next (maybe I'll have a lot more time to read fanfic after this lol).

DeNara

Seems like this morning's craziness is calmed down a lot to the point of making people nervous because it is so quiet. I am hoping the plan is still to vote out Julia, but I am sad she is going. I do like her a lot as a person. Hopefully she doesn't take any of this personally!

0 notes

wiener-blut · 6 years

Text

i was tagged by my bb @babypaulchen ages ago and now the time has come to finally do this shit!! i told u i was gonna do it Brig!!

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont tag anyone bc im doubting i even know 20 ppl on here lmao)

— what was your last…

1. drink: peach flavoured ice tea 2. phone call: my mom bc i asked her if shes interested in some hyacinth bulbs for her garden since the ones that stood in my room decayed 3. text message: to my cousin, setting a time where we can call and chat 4. song you listened to: actual surprise - its not Rammstein *ooohs and aaahs fly through the crowd* it was “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton 5. time you cried: yesterday bc i had the worst fucking headache ever and i was being a whiny bitch

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uhh no? 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, multiple times and ive come to the conclusion that throwing up makes me feel better afterwards like im back to being able to actually perveice my environment again lmao

— fave colours

12. black 13. pastel pink 14. actually i kinda love all colours idk

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes, multiple times, good 18. found out someone was talking about you: like uh shittalking? idk so i guess not 19. met someone who changed you: uhhh kinda? 20. found out who your friends are: um well i found out that my friends are good friends and that i love them and that i dont want to miss any of them 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: what? u can “kiss” someone on facebook? lmao i didnt take a look on facebook for literally years .......man i had a massive brainlag here. i thought u can now “kiss” ppl on facebook like u can “poke” ppl on facebook and it didnt come to my mind this could mean “irl” lmao bury me IF it means irl tho, then yes

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: pff idk man who the fuck still uses that shithole of a site anyways

23. do you have any pets: no but i had a super cute and fluffy bunny and i still miss him and think about him everyday also i plan on having half a farm and half a zoo in the future

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore; i used to hate my name bc its so outdated and the only answer i ever got on introducing myself was “hey my grandma has the same name isnt that funny” but then more and more people told me my name was pretty and unique and well now that im older (sounds like im 40 lmao) im even kinda fond of it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm uhh i guess i was studying for my exams lol but i remember my gf cooking an amazing dinner for me 💖

26. what time did you wake up today: uhhhhhh smth around 9am i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: actually sleeping for once bc that headache knocked me out completely

28. what is something you can’t wait for: fucking going to fucking Hamburg in fucking five fucking days

30. what are you listening to right now: the birds chirping outside

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i had a classmate named Tom........he was a bit strange tho.......

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: i cant think of anything rn

33. most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube

34. hair colour: natural? blonde / current? dyed it pink two weeks ago

35. long or short hair: long ass hair and i mean, literally, they reach all the way down to my hips

36. do you have a crush on someone: ohhhahahaha so, so many, one - and maybe the king of em all - being Christoph Schneider (not obvious at all cough cough)

37. what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhh.........;;;;; i guess... uh... *insert more unintelligent noises* maybe my legs?

38. want any piercings: no, except for maybe some on my ear

39. blood type: 0 positive, i think

40. nicknames: Lily

41. relationship status: super duper gay af with @haifisch-ohne-traenen

42. sign: officially capricorn (i like to say “the last capricorn” bc it sounds like “the last unicorn” and well my birthday is on the last day that still counts as capricorn), but honestly im more of an aquarius

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: i recently watched Grimm and the story was okay but the cast was like super adorable and i fell in love with every single one of them

45. tattoos: none. YET. i have plans for so much i just am very bad at deciding

46. right or left handed: right handed 47: ever had surgery: okay, small story time. there are these childrens books by german illustrator and author “Janosch” in which a tiger and a bear are best friends and i used to love those books. so once, tiger got ill (his stripes slipped out of place) and he needed to see the doctor. and the exact line was “soothing small shot, blue dream, surgery over, noticed nothing, tiger healthy”. and i once was in the hospital bc there was something wrong my nose (i dont remember what it was tho) and so they anaesthetized me (and my fav stuffie which i brough with me for mental support) and afterwards i told everyone of my “blue dream” and everyone was like ????? wtf kid bc they didnt know what i was talking about and it was just some months ago when i finally found out that a narcosis isnt called a “blue dream” and that i just knew this bc of this books which i adored and tbh i was like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE “BLUE DREAM” IS AN ADORABLE TERM FOR IT 48. piercings: none 49. sport: i did ballet for 15 years and i still love to dance around the house and the mother of my best friend once called me cute bc i cant stand still and always spin around or stretch my toes while lifting my leg or do some pliés and tbh i wasnt even aware of that

50. vacation: uh...i love? lmao

51. trainers: umm like my shoes? mostly wearing my black doc martens

— more general

52. eating: i love me some good salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and tuna but ngl a pizza margherita could beat that salad any time. or a nice ragout fin. or mac’n’cheese. i love food in general, okay

53. drinking: i’d kill for a tequila rn. but like non-alcoholic beverage - plain water, yes thank u

54. i’m about to watch: some movie with my gf which we havent decided on yet

55. waiting for: my gf to return home from work so i can smooch her pretty face

56. want: to cuddle honestly

57. get married: since its legal in germany for some months now... idk tbh, its not smth i debate about on a daily basis

58. career: um i have a vague plan for becoming a speech pathologist but yea... its very vague

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: gotta say eyes

61. shorter or taller: i dont care actually

62. older or younger: um sweats loudly...... older (fun fact i recently calculated the average age of my celebrity crushes....yes i was bored.... and it resulted in 50.... well.....)

63. nice arms or stomach: arms, fucc me up

64. hookup or relationships: relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant: me? kinda both

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: yes 68. turned someone down: not really?

69. sex on first date: nope

70: broken someone’s heart: probably

71. had your heart broken: uh yea...kinda

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes, im a whiny bitch so i cry easily

74. fallen for a friend: yeah binch im dating that lovely ho right now... im gonna leave Brig’s answer here bc its perf and same here

— do you believe in

75. yourself: ugh

76. miracles: i want to

77. love at first sight: no

78. santa claus: i want to lol but no

79. angels: fuck yes

— misc

80. eye colour: blue-gray-green-ish mud 81. best friend’s name: Dana

82. favourite movie: so? much? i cant decide, really

83. favourite actor: Tom Hiddleston, i love this british dork, lemme tell u

84. favourite cartoon: phuh, idk i dont really watch cartoons

85. favourite teacher’s name: SWEATS LOUDLY AND AGGRESIVELY i had two massive teacher crushes back in my school days and that makes me a bit biased but im gonna say Herr Wolf was a great teacher bc he always said “hey, astronomy’s a minor subject, the test won’t be hard and i wont give u homework, u guys concentrate on math, german and english” and tbh we need more teachers like that

#tag thing #aaaa god that was so fun but a bit time consuming tbh lol

2 notes · View notes

ukulelewrites · 7 years

Text

Scintilla

A/N: This monster of a fic is finally finished and i’m actually crying tears of joy rn bc this was such a long fic to write. plus it’s about my favorite underrated trainee from pd101, kim donghan @smols-n-tols bc they know how much pain i’ve been over this fic lmao

Pairing: PD101′s Kim Donghan x Reader

Genre: Angst/Fluff/Humor/Friends to Lovers!AU

Word Count: Roughly 11k (almost made it to 12k r i p)

Scintilla, noun: a barely visible trace

Your friendship with Donghan was based off of a mere competition of who could be the bigger shit. On Saturdays, it would usually be Donghan as he wastes the day sleeping in his bed while you pound on his door screaming at him to accompany you to the mall. On Tuesdays, it’d be you as you poke him incessantly in the back with your pencil, begging him to let you copy off of his worksheet. On Fridays, it’d be a constant competition between the two of you as you guys argued over the last carton of banana milk in your fridge, over the movie you’d be watching on obligatory “best friends movie day,” and over who had a higher chance of dating whichever actor or actress popped up on the screen. “Okay, listen, there is no way, in any sense of mind, will Keira Knightley choose to date you over dating me,” Donghan complained with a mouthful of popcorn one Friday night as the two of you sprawled yourself on the couch watching Begin Again for the sixth time upon your request.

“I don’t know, Donghan, at least I have the decency to talk when my mouth isn’t full,” you shot back.

He pouted at your words before quickly shooting back, “Okay. but my visuals are, like, ten times better than yours, so Keira would definitely choose me over you.”

You stared at his face for a solid minute before replying, “I can’t argue about your visuals, but my personality is twenty times better than yours, so I think we all know who’d win at the end of the day,” and with a sense of finality, you returned your focus back onto the screen.

The two of you have finally reached the third movie of the night when Donghan’s phone buzzed. As his beloved, nosy best friend, you lunged forward to his side of the couch; he let out a puff of air the moment you landed on him. “Y/N, get off of me,” he huffed as his thumbs typed away furiously on his phone.

You rested your arms on his chest and propped your head up, “Not until you tell me who you’re texting, Donghan.” He rolled onto his side, causing you to fall onto the floor.

“I’m texting Kenta-hyung, Y/N, don’t worry about it,” he grumbled as he tried moving his phone away from your prying hands. However, you knew his weakness, so your fingers quickly found their way onto his stomach to tickle him. Donghan’s eyes widened in realization, but it was too late, you were definitely going to get the phone now. He squirmed under your attacks, pulling his phone closer to his chest, and turning his body away from you. However, he was no match to you once you climbed up on him, forcing him to stay in place. “Y/N, s-stop it!” he cried pathetically.

You only shot him a sadistic smile as you continued the assault, “Only if you give me the phone, Donghannie. Maybe then I’ll stop.” Letting out a cry of defeat, Donghan thrusted his phone towards you, practically begging you to stop. You snatched the phone from him and patted his head, “Good boy!” you said as he glared up at you. You typed in his passcode, your birthday, and found yourself looking at a conversation between him and Umji, the girl who sat at the lab table behind yours and Donghan’s. Your fingers found themselves busy as you scrolled through the slightly suggestive texts communicated between the two of them; however, one text caught your eye, “You’re going on a date with Umji next Saturday?”

Donghan only looked up at you boredly, “Yeah? And?”

You hit him on the chest, ignoring the groan that left his lips, “You can’t!”

He was irritated by now, “And why not? Also, as you’re answering this question, please, for the love of God, get off of me. My leg’s been asleep for the past three minutes.”

You rolled your eyes at him as you climbed off of him, “Next Saturday is my birthday, dumbass. If you haven’t forgotten, it’s the passcode to your phone.”

He sat up at your words, “Well, I’ll hang out with you at night! The date’s only supposed to be in the afternoon since we’re just going to the aquarium. C’mon, Y/N,” he grabbed the hem of your shirt, “you understand right? I might actually get with the girl I’ve been crushing on since the beginning of the school year.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “How come you didn’t tell me about this crush? After all, I am your best friend; my mother has the pictures of us bathing together when we were 2 to prove it.”

He chuckled at the scowl you were now wearing and placed his hands on your face, trying to force you into smiling, “Because my beloved best friend and bath companion from our fetus days, it’s a guy thing. Plus, don’t be too upset about the birthday thing, I’m pretty sure you’d forget mine too if all that was on your mind was a cute guy.”

You scoffed at his words and removed his hands from your face, “Your birthday is July 3rd. I would know; it’s my passcode. And yeah, I’m sorry, crushes are strictly a ‘guy thing,’ something you definitely cannot share with your best friend from birth.”

You stomped into the kitchen, grumbling curses under your breath. “Y/N,” you heard him whine as he followed you, “I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you’d try to meddle again.” You halted your rummaging in the fridge to turn to him with a confused look on your face. Donghan only let out a sigh before speaking, “Remember sophomore year? You had ‘Operation Get Walnut-Head with Irene unnie’ which ended up having me vomit up cheap beer in her parents’ bathroom as she ended up flirting with you the whole night? Or how about ‘Operation Get Walnut-Head with Kyulkyung’ which ended up with me getting a concussion as she flirted with you on the ice rink before you two ended up dating for a good six months before she had to go back to China? Or what about-” You chucked a water bottle at his head before he could finish listing off all the other failed attempts of your wingmanning.

“Okay, okay, I’m a shitty wingman, but you could’ve just told me that, and I would’ve just let you be while being informed of your massive crush on Umji,” you leaned over the kitchen counter to pout at him before he smacked you on the face.

“I have been telling you that since 3rd grade when you thought the best way to help me confess to Dahyun was to hide a frog in her lunchbox,” Donghan deadpanned.

You rubbed your face, “Ah yes, ‘Operation Get Walnut-Head with Dahyun Via Froggie McFrogsen’ is a classic.”

He only rolled his eyes at you before he retreated back to the couch, “Y/N,” he called, “are your parents okay with me sleeping in the guest room?” You shouted back an affirmation before plopping yourself down on the couch next to him, ready for the next movie of the night.

It was Monday morning, and there was way too little caffeine in your bloodstream to function. “Y/N!” you turned around to see your friend, Jisoo, running up to you, “did you know Donghan and Umji are dating?”

You shot her a questioning look, “Uh, they’re not dating; they’re going on a date. There’s a definite difference between the two. Plus of course I know they’re going on a date, I’m Donghan’s best friend since birth!”

Jisoo grabbed your hand as it was reaching for your Biology textbook, “Y/N, they’re dating. As in, they’ve been together for almost six months now, and this Saturday is their anniversary; I pretty much had to sit through Umji’s speech on how beautiful Donghan’s facial structure is all day yesterday as we worked on that stupid literature project.”

You slammed your locker with much more force than intended as you turned to Jisoo, “Well, yes, Donghan’s facial structure is quite exquisite. However, Donghan told me himself that they’re going on their first date Saturday to the aquarium, and that he’ll be at my birthday party at night. He also told me, his best friend, that he’s been crushing on Umji since forever, and this is his chance of getting with her, so, no, they’re not dating.”

You started walking down the hallway at a fast pace as Jisoo trailed behind you, “Maybe he didn’t tell you they were dating? After all, we knows what happens to the girls Donghan dates,” you whirled around to face her, the accusatory tone of her statement rubbing you the wrong way. “Y/N, I love you, and you know that, but, you have a way of getting in the way of Donghan’s love life,” she quickly added more as your eyes narrowed at her, “It’s not purposefully, of course! You just end up scaring them off, that’s all.”

You could only look at her confused, “Like how?”

She halted her steps as she gave you a look, “Like how? Y/N, please, everyone can practically tell you’re in love with the guy. How would a girl feels if her boyfriend’s best friend who’s madly in love with him spends almost every waking moment with him? Intimidated, that’s how she would feel because she’s not the only girl that her boyfriend loves; she also has to deal with the other girl with a longer established history with him that’s trying to steal him away.”

You let out a laugh after she finished talking, “Me? In love with Donghan? Wow, I didn’t know you had it in you to spout complete bullshit off the bat like that; I knew I was rubbing off on you!” you wiped away the tears from the corners of your eyes, “Anyways, I have to get to bio; see ya, Jisoo!”

“Donghan, let me tell you this wild story,” you said the moment you placed your books down onto the lab station. He looked up from his worksheet, expecting you to continue. “So Jisoo just told me that you’ve been dating Umji for like, six months now, and you never told me because I always end up ruining your relationships? Which makes no sense because I never even interact with your girlfriends? Anyways, she also has this weird theory that I’m madly in love with you and hellbent on ruining all of your relationships, so yeah, wild story numero uno of the day!” Donghan only looked up at you, apprehension riddling his expression.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand before speaking, “Well, Y/N, it’s not like she’s 100% wrong.”

You sat there in your seat for a minute trying to let the words sink in before jumping up out of your seat and sending him an accusatory finger, “I’m not in love with you!”

He only facepalmed, “Not that part, idiot. The part where I’ve been dating Umji for six months now is true, but I only didn’t tell you because I knew you’d freak out, and Umji didn’t want anyone to know.”

You rested a hand on his shoulder before taking it back, remembering Umji sitting behind you two, “You could’ve just told me. I wouldn’t have force you to be my lab partner if I knew.”

Donghan only looked at you, doubting your words, “Okay, if you mean that, I’ll go sit with Umji right now.”

You tried not to let your smile falter, “Okay, that’s fine. I’ve always been able to work by myself in bio.”

He began moving his stuff to the table behind yours, “Also, I don’t think I can make it to your birthday party Saturday either. Umji wants to go to her family’s lake house for our six months anniversary and all that.”

You tried not to apply too much pressure on your pencil, “Yeah, six months is a big deal, you can just make it up to me afterwards.”

He hesitated before grabbing Sir Droopy, the origami crane the two of you made out of boredom one day in class, and also moving it to the table behind you, “Also if it’s okay with you, Umji wants us to dial down on the Friday movie nights. She’s not comfortable with the idea of me sleeping over at your house.”

Your pencil snapped just as you got to the notes on RNA replication, “Yeah, it’s fine, I’m just peachy.”

“Why does Umji hate me so much?” you asked as you stabbed violently at your spaghetti, imagining Umji’s perfectly beautiful face in its place.

“It’s because she, along with almost everyone else in the student body, believes you’re in love with Donghan. So by establishing boundaries, which in my opinion are perfectly fine since you spend way too much time with him anyways, she’s ensuring you won’t try to steal him away from her. Plus, everyone in the school wanted the two of you to end up together, so once word got around Umji and Donghan were going to her family’s lake house to ‘enjoy’ each other’s company, people were not happy,” Jisoo said, not even looking up once from her book. You could only grumble in agreement; it’s impossible to deny that you did spend a lot of time with Donghan since you share almost all the same classes, lived two houses down from each other, and always had a schedule of things to do on the weekend.

“But did she have to take away movie night?” you sighed, now idly sipping away at your banana milk.

At this point Rena joined your table, “So I hear Umji has finally come to her senses and established boundaries between Donghan and Y/N?” You glared at her. “What? It’d be good for you two to not be so dependent on each other. Plus, now that Donghan is off the market, all the boys are gonna come flocking to you!”

You only shot her a pointed look before setting your milk down, “I understand where she’s coming from, I really do. But the fact that she, along with the entire student body, is assuming, I repeat, assuming, I have this giant crush on Donghan, is their own fault considering I don’t. Also, I’m not vindictive enough to do something like, I don’t know, steal someone else’s boyfriend away from them? The fact she thinks so poorly of me already makes me angry; everyone in this school knows I’m all for girls supporting girls. So in conclusion, this has nothing to do with my ‘so-called crush on Donghan’ and more so with Umji’s crippling lack of confidence and her obvious distrust in me. After all, she’s hated me since “Operation Go-Go Worm” in freshman year.” Rena and Jisoo snorted at the memory of the time you snuck worms into the food of the student council protesting their destruction of a section of the school’s forest for another tennis court. “But contrary to popular belief, I’m not going to hate her because that’s what everyone is expecting. I’ll take this in stride and agree to her boundaries, even if she did steal my best friend away from me for my birthday and Friday movie nights. After all, it’s also what Donghan wants, and who am I to deny my best friend’s wishes?”

It was hell trying to distance yourself from Donghan, but hell, you applauded the effort you put into “Operation Distance From Walnut-Head.” Throughout the week, you didn’t even talk to Donghan in class; you had let her surround him in her talks about tennis and volunteering at animal shelters as you took detailed notes on bee reproduction. On Friday, you dealt with watching movies by yourself and observing through Donghan’s Snapchat story his date with her at the cafe, even telling him you thought the two of them looked cute. And when Saturday came, you didn’t even text him or call him, leaving your phone on silent in your room as you, Rena, and Jisoo set up the bar for your birthday.

“So, he’s not coming at all?” Rena asked as she dragged the cooler of ice into the kitchen.

You were pouring chips, notably Donghan’s favorite, into a bowl, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s on his way to the lake house at this point? I don’t know; I haven’t really checked what he’s been up to for the past day.”

Jisoo looked at you concerned, “Not even a ‘Happy Birthday, Best Friend’ text?”

You had moved on to pouring the pretzels into a bowl, “I didn’t see anything at midnight, but that’s probably because he went to bed early, so he wouldn’t be tired today. I’m pretty sure he sent one.” Your two friends stared at you worriedly before resuming their work. You slipped away upstairs to check your phone and saw you had one message from Donghan. You unlocked your phone to see a lonesome “hbd” from him. “It’s okay, he’s probably busy. I’m not going to freak out, because if I do, I’ll just make things worse, and we don’t want that, right, Y/N?” You threw your phone back onto your bed, and ran back downstairs once you heard the doorbell ring.

“Kenta oppa! Sanggyun oppa! Hyunbin oppa! You guys came!” you said before running to envelop each of them in a hug.

Hyunbin ruffled your hair, “You’re turning 18, a certified legal adult now. It seemed like just yesterday you were chasing butterflies and hiding frogs in innocent children’s lunchboxes.” You laughed at his nostalgic tone.

“Where’s Donghan? I thought he’d be here for your big adulthood initiation,” Kenta said as he walked with you into the kitchen.

“Huh, oh he’s out celebrating his six months anniversary with his girlfriend. I gave him my blessing to skip.”

Sanggyun raised an eyebrow at you, “Is he not coming later? It’s not like him to skip his best friend’s birthday.”

You threw on the biggest smile you could before turning to them, “Donghan is currently having sex with his girlfriend at her family’s lake house and since he’s madly in love with her, and I’m trying to prove to everyone that I’m not madly in love with him, which I’m not, I have decided to let him enjoy his little sexcapade because at the end of the day, who cares about their best friend when they have a perfect girlfriend. Anyone want a drink?” No one said anything, watching you warily. You poured yourself a cup of whatever and went to go get the door.

“Noona, happy birthday!” Seonho yelled as you opened the door. Guanlin, Jinyoung, Xiyeon, and Kyla trailed in behind him; all of them giving you a hug and wishing you a happy birthday. You directed them towards the drinks and scolded them lightly about not drinking too much before waving them off and welcoming the rest of your guests.

You had retreated to your room for a minute to look at your phone again. However, in the past two hours, you had not received another message from Donghan. “He’s just busy…having sex…for two hours. I’m going to be a super chill best friend and try not to freak out about it. After all it’s only been a week of not seeing him, I’ll live, and I’ll see him at school Monday, and he still owes me a present for my birthday…” Your thoughts trailed off as you laid there on your bed with your arm over your eyes. However, the sudden opening of your door caused you to sit up straight; you saw Kenta standing there in your doorway, and you motioned for him to come in and close the door behind him.

He sat on the floor in front of you, “Bummed about Donghan not being here?”

You scoffed at his statement, putting on a mask of nonchalance, “Donghan? Not at all, he’s allowed to hang out with his girlfriend whenever he wants; it’s not like I have any say in his relationships.”

Kenta just laughed, “Y/N, trust me, it’s okay for you to feel the way you do, okay?”

You looked at him, “What do you mean?”

He rested his arms on his knees before placing his head onto his palm, “Well, you’ve been a major part of Donghan’s life since forever, so suddenly being forced out of it, whether that be on your part or his, is jarring. And honestly, if you’re his best friend, he’d understand if you weren’t happy with what’s going on right now.”

You hummed, going over what he just said, “I’d agree with that, but I’m the one who’s been distancing themselves, so I don’t really have a right to be upset with him if the whole cutting out part was because of me, ya know?”

Kenta frowned at your response, “Well, why did you try distancing yourself from him anyways? It’s definitely not because you thought it’d be a fun thing to do.”

You laid back down onto the bed, “I did it because I didn’t want another one of his relationships to end because of me. Especially not this one since he seems to like her so much. I’d rather Donghan be happy than for me to see him everyday.”

Kenta had moved to your chair by now, “But he dated her for six months without anyone knowing, and you guys being perfectly normal. Why is it now she chooses to make their relationship public along with enforcing boundaries between you and Donghan. And why is Donghan okay with it?” You laid there in silence for a bit, trying to piece back the last six months, finding an answer to his questions.

“Well,” you started, “Donghan really likes her, and he’s always said I’m the clingy one in the friendship, so I guess he’s more okay with not seeing me than me not seeing him. And, the reason why she made it public now is because,” you tried to think of that weekend, the weekend before it went public. Suddenly you sat up on your bed, “The Friday before they went public he slept at my house when my parents weren’t there. Oh my god, she probably thought we slept together or something. You ran your fingers through your hair, “Kenta oppa, can you try asking Donghan if he mentioned any of that to Umji?”

He nodded from your chair, “Yeah, only if you return back to the party; we’re bringing the cake out in ten minutes.”

Sunday afternoon you got a one-worded text from Kenta, “yes.” You clambered up Donghan’s stairs later that day. When you reached his bedroom door, you started pounding on it until it opened, revealing your shirtless best friend. “Tell her we didn’t sleep together,” you said as you stepped into his room.

“Excuse you, what?” he asked, trying to find a clean shirt to wear.

“Umji, tell her we didn’t sleep together because that has to be the reason why she hates me and wants us to restrict our friendship time. She thought we slept together that Friday night you slept over when my parents weren’t home!” You looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction; however, there was nothing.

Donghan exhaled, “Y/N, please just go home. I have a date today.”

You looked at him in confusion, “What, why?”

Donghan had already opened the door for you, “Because not everything is about you! Umji doesn’t hate you, unlike whatever vindictive version of her that twisted brain of you made up. And for your information, the reason why she decided to go public is because she finally wanted to take things seriously, something I’ve been wanting since the fifth date. So no, not everything has to revolve around you or include you, Y/N. See you in school tomorrow.”

Before he could finally get you out the door you blurted out, “What about my birthday? You still owe me!”

He only looked at you before his gaze softened, chuckling to himself, “I’ll bring it to school tomorrow, brat. Don’t worry, I’m not that bad of a best friend.”

You sat in the corner booth of the pizza parlor with Rena and Jisoo, devouring your fifth slice. “‘Not everything revolves around you, Y/N.’ ‘hbd.’ ‘I’m not that bad of a best friend.’ For fuck’s sakes, Donghan, you are! I can’t believe he changed so quickly after one week! This was the guy who’d go skydiving with me, okay? Now he won’t even let me stand in his room for more than five minutes? Honestly, what the fuck? I just, can’t deal with whatever puberty shit he’s going through right now.”

Rena looked at you sympathetically, “Well, maybe the birthday present tomorrow will make up for it? After all, he always gets you something you really want!” Jisoo nodded along to Rena’s statement.

“Well if I’m basing it off of ‘hbd’ I highly doubt it. Plus he’s been so busy with Umji, I wouldn’t be surprised if he gave me something average this year. But it’s okay because I’m a good best friend that doesn’t complain.” You went for another piece.

“I don’t know, Y/N, the guy’s still your best friend, I’m pretty sure he’ll get you something cool.”

“I was busy all last week, so Umji helped me pick something out for you yesterday. There, I made it up to you okay, Y/N? Happy belated birthday,” Donghan said to you in Biology, dropping a bag on your table.

You smiled at him warmly, “Thanks, Donghan, all is forgiven.” His shoulders relaxed, and he went to sit next to Umji. You ended up pulling out an assortment of gift cards, all to your favorite places; you tried not to let the disappointment show on your face as you turned around to the couple. “Thanks Umji for picking these out!” you said.

She shot you a dazzling smile and said sweetly, “Don’t worry, Y/N, Donghan told me you were running low on cash, so I hope that’s enough to last you a month.” You turned back to face the front of the class, focusing on the reproductive cycle of viruses.

Friday, this time, no movie night; Donghan texted you back after fifty billion years to inform you he had another date with Umji, a recurring theme between you two for the past week. This time, you went over to Donghan’s house and hung out with his mom.

“Y/N can you chop up the onions for me?” You instantly grabbed a cutting board and knife, smiling at the memories of cooking with his mom to destress. “How are your parents?” she asked as she washed the vegetables.

“They’re fine, just another business trip in Japan for a couple of weeks. They’ll be home by tomorrow” She nodded at your answer before humming a tune for the two of you to work to.

Soon enough she asked you, “Why aren’t you with Donghan? Shouldn’t the two of you be watching movies right now at your house?”

You paused your chopping, willing yourself not to cry, “Ah, he’s on a date with his girlfriend, so I thought since I haven’t visited for awhile I should come over and help you cook dinner.” Then you heard the door open and close; Donghan’s brother came home from work. “Oppa, I haven’t seen you in so long!” you placed down the knife as you ran up to give him a hug.

He ruffled your hair, “So how’s my sister-in-law been?”

You scowled at his question, “Don’t make those kind of jokes. Donghan has a serious girlfriend now.”

He let out a small laugh, “That Umji girl? He still hasn’t brought her around to meet the family. Plus, I bet she doesn’t cook as well as you do. That’s an instant -1000 points.”

Donghan’s mom laughed at the comment, “Go shower, dinner will be ready soon.” And, even though you think you imagined it, Donghan’s mom winked at you.

Donghan’s dad came home shortly before dinner began, giving you a hug as you set the table. “Thank you for the meal!” You said before digging in. Donghan’s mom kept piling more food onto your plate as his brother entertained you with stories from work.

Halfway through dinner, Donghan came home. “Uh, Y/N, what are you doing here?” he asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

His mom spoke up before you could, “I’ve invited her over for dinner.” This conversation felt foreign; you never had to defend why you were at his house before.

“Uh, I finished eating. I’ll wash my dishes and head home,” you said quietly, getting up from your seat.

His brother piped up this time, “Nonsense, you can hang around. I still have another story to tell you.”

You politely smiled, “No, it’s fine. I still have some laundry to do.”

Then his dad spoke, “Well, it’s dark out. Donghan, walk Y/N home.”

You were scurrying into the kitchen at this point, “I only live two houses down it’s really oka-” You heard Donghan agree, and a small sense of relief filled your stomach; at least you knew he still cared a little bit. After you’ve washed your bowl and said goodbye to everyone, you embarked home with Donghan.

“I’m sorry,” you said as the two of you stood on your porch. He looked taken aback. “I shouldn’t have just went to your house without your permission,” however, you knew you had more to say, “ even if that would’ve been okay before. I’m also sorry for giving away the gift cards you gave me for my birthday because they were such shitty gifts. And I’m the most sorry for myself for actually wanting to still be your best friend because you so obviously don’t. I hope you enjoy your relationship with Umji, but I hope you know; I wish to have no part in it.” All of this was said with a smile as you turned to enter your house.

However, Donghan grabbed your arm and turned you back around, “Y/N, you’re not jealous of me and Umji, right?”

Your eyes turned steely, and you cooling shook his hand off, “No, I’m just done with your bullshit, so good night Donghan. See you in school Monday.”

Donghan sat in the corner booth of the pizza parlor with Kenta and Sanggyun, devouring his fifth slice. “‘And I’m the most sorry for myself for actually wanting to still be your best friend because you so obviously don’t. I hope you enjoy your relationship with Umji, but I hope you know; I wish to have no part in it.’ Can you believe her? What kind of entitled brat says that?” Kenta was scrolling through his phone, and Sanggyun was distracted by the waitress that came by their table every so often. “Are you guys even listening to me?” he asked, glaring at his two friends.

Kenta looked up from his phone, “Yeah we are, but we’re choosing not to acknowledge it.” Sanggyun nodded along with him.

Donghan crossed his arms over his chest, “And why not?”

Sanggyun sighed, “Dude, we love you, but you’re honestly being an asshole right now.”

Donghan scoffed, “How?”

Kenta raised an eyebrow, “Well, let’s go all the way back to when you skipped Y/N’s 18th birthday and sent her a ‘hbd’ text instead of the usual extra text you always send her at midnight, and not,” Kenta looked down at his phone, “2:34pm. And then you proceed to give her gift cards for her birthday, that you skipped, which is equally as fucked up,” Sanggyun nodded to that, “And then you pretty much kick her out of your room without letting her finish talking to you, while accusing her of being self-centered. What else did he do?”

Kenta turned to Sanggyun and the latter took up the challenge of finishing the list, “You also pretty much stopped talking to her at school and even stopped hanging out with her. Also, you,” Sanggyun took Kenta’s phone to look at the screen, “made her feel unwelcome in your home. And that’s where it ends.”

Donghan could only look at his friend in mild amusement, “You guys made a list?”

Kenta frowned, “No, Y/N texting me all day today about how much she hates you now, and it just so happened she covered every single wrong you committed.”

Donghan defended himself, “Well, she knows I have a serious girlfriend, so she maybe needs to stop being so clingy and dependent on me. She has other friends, ya know! And she was okay with me skipping on her birthday and the hangout days. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with gift cards! They’re a reasonable gift.”

“You got me a one-of-a-kind teddy bear for my 15th birthday, a signed copy of my favorite book for my 16th, and concert tickets to my favorite band for my 17th; I’m sorry if I didn’t enjoy your reasonable gift.” Donghan whipped his head around to see you there, tears brimming in your eyes. You took another step towards him, “And wow, I didn’t know how much of a pain in the ass it was for you to hang out with me. I’m so sorry for filling your past 18 years with nothing but my annoying presence, and yeah, you’re right, I do have other friends, but you’re my best friend, okay? And I thought that actually meant something, but no, once again I was wrong. So yeah, it’s good to know you feel that way.” You grabbed your pizza box and stormed out of the parlor.

Donghan turned back to face his friends, “Did you guys just set me up?” The two of them shook their heads.

Kenta spoke up, “Nope, Y/N probably just really wanted pizza.” Donghan slammed his head back into the seat. He royally screwed up.

“Y/N!” Donghan called as he continued banging on your front door, panting from exertion after running here from the parlor “Y/N!” Suddenly your door swung open to reveal your mom, still in her business attire. “Oh, uh, hi Mrs. L/N, is Y/N home?”

She looked at him confused, “Y/N? I haven’t seen her since I’ve gotten back from the airport. She’s probably at Rena’s or Jisoo’s house.”

Donghan straightened up at the word airport, “Did you just get back from somewhere, Mrs. L/N?”

Your mom looked at him curiously, “Y/N didn’t tell you? My husband and I have been in Japan for the past month, and based off of the trash, Y/N been living off of takeout,” she laughed at that comment, “However, I’m grateful that your mom let her eat something other than pizza and Chinese last night.”

Donghan scratched at the back of his neck, “Oh, n-no problem.”

Your mom beamed, “Thank her for me! Tell her we’ll be over for dinner soon.” He nodded, and she shut the door as he was walking down the front steps.

You found Donghan sitting at your table in Biology and Umji glaring at you as you walked in. You hesitantly sat down next to him, but quickly buried your focus into note taking. “Psst, Y/N,” Donghan whispered as he poked your arm with a pencil, “psst.”

You turned to glared at him, “What do you want?” you hissed. He slipped you a piece of paper. You opened it to see “I’m sorry” written on it in his usual chicken scratch. You scrawled something on it and slip it back to him. “Go away,” you wrote, trying to be as blunt as you can. He wrote back, “I will if you forgive me.” You tilted your head before putting down, “Never.” Then the bell rang, allowing you a quick escape.

You briskly walked to your locker, put in the combination, and as you opened it, a balloon flew out. You grasped the card that hung from the end of the balloon and read it to yourself, “Sorry for being an asshat, let me explain everything to you over dinner at the pizza place you like at 7. If you don’t show up, I’m climbing through your window tonight. Don’t try to lock it, I still remember the trick to get it open. Your Best Friend, Donghan.”

Suddenly Rena and Jisoo popped up behind you, “Is that from Donghan?” they asked as Rena plucked the note from your hand, reading it over before passing it to Jisoo.

Before they could say anything else, Seonho approached you, “Y/N, Donghan told me to give these to you,” he handed you a bouquet of forget-me-nots.

“Uh, thanks, Seonho,” you said, practically hearing your friends squeal in excitement behind you. You turned around to face them after Seonho walked away, “What are you two so happy about?”

Rena grinned ear to ear, “Because a friendship is repairing itself!” Jisoo just went to go swing her arm around your shoulder, “Because you can stop moping in your house everyday now and revert back to the happy Y/N we all know and love.”

It was 6:58, and you anxiously waited in the back corner booth of the pizza parlor, tugging at the end of your hoodie. “Maybe he just wants to tell me to get out of his life entirely. Oh my god, what if he’s gonna tell me him and Umji are getting married and having adorable little children, and I won’t get to be a part of their lives. Oh, what if-” your thoughts got cut off by the sudden presence of a shadow over you. You looked up to see Donghan.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly before sitting across from you. You waved to him before focusing your gaze onto the napkin dispenser. “Well, I guess I should start off with an apology, so I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said, pleading you with his eyes to look at him. You focused your gaze onto your straw next as you swirled it around your cup of lemonade. He folded his hand together and placed them on the table, “Okay, Y/N, I’ve been an asshole for the past two weeks, and it’s not excusable how rude I’ve been. It’s just, Umji’s so amazingly perfect, and I really didn’t want to ruin it with her. And she’s always been a bit skeptical of our relationship, so I had to show her we were just friends.”

You flickered your eyes to look at him once before speaking, “And that excuses your asshole-ness, how?”

You noticed the sigh of relief he exhaled when he realized you at least looked at him once, “It doesn’t, and honestly, I went to the extremes to ensure we kept things as just friends. Honestly, it was hard for me too not hanging out with you everyday; I can only handle so much talk about tennis before my eyes cross,” his eyes crinkled when he noticed you trying to suppress a giggle, “I missed us debating which of us had a higher chance of dating an actor, even though the answer is always me. I missed you being a little shit and making me watch those weird musical movies every single movie night. I missed us fighting over who could eat the most slices of pizza even though you always win every single time. I just missed hanging out with you. I missed my best friend.”

You looked at him now, keeping your gaze on him this time, “Then why did you ignore me? Why did you go so far out of your way to avoid me? Like, I know I tried giving you some space like you wanted the first week, but you pretty much alienated me last week.”

Donghan let out a sigh and ruffled his hair before speaking, “It sounds stupid, but like, I knew if I saw you, I would’ve dropped plans with Umji.” You tilted your head, confused at his statement. “Honestly, the day you barged into my room demanding I tell Umji we didn’t sleep together, I was ready to cancel all my plans with her the moment you whined at me. But I couldn’t do that because I’ve cancelled so many dates before just so I could have movie night with you, just so we can catch that new animated film you wanted to go see, just so I can go shopping with you and tell you how cute you look in oversized clothes. So I willed myself not to talk to you or text you because I know the moment you call my name, or smile at me, or even cry, I’d come running.”

Your eyes teared up at his words, and in a small voice, you asked, “Really?”

He let out a relieved chuckle, “The day you ran out of the parlor crying because of me, I went to your house right afterwards to talk, but you weren’t home then.” You tugged at the sleeves of your hoodie this time, covering your hands with the sleeves. Donghan cracked a smile, “Isn’t that my hoodie?”

You looked down and realized that the hoodie was quite big on you, “Um, yeah, I should probably give it back soon.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, when did I ever restrict you from borrowing my clothes before?”

You pondered over his question, “Well, never really, but won’t Umji be-”

He cut you off, “I talked to Umji, and I pretty much told her you’re gonna be my best friend no matter what, so if she really did like me, she’ll understand that we’re just best friends.” You smiled at his comment, and he beamed back at you. The waitress came back with your pizza, you came here so often they knew your order by heart, and as you grabbed a slice, Donghan spoke up, “Also, in the final act of ‘Operation Make Y/N Forgive Walnut-Head,’ you are cordially invited to a birthday party for yourself this Friday night at Hyunbin’s house to make up for the shitty gift cards I gave you when I was trying to prove to Umji we were just friends.”

You giggled at his statement, “Okay, Walnut-Head, you’re forgiven. Especially since Hyunbin’s house has a full bar.”

Friday came quickly, and you stood in front of your closet, trying to pick something to wear as Jisoo and Rena lounged on your bed, scrolling through their phones. Rena looked up to see you pouting at her, so she got off of your bed and assisted you in searching for an outfit. “What about this black skirt with this top?” she asked, modelling the outfit for you.

“The black skirt’s too short,” you replied, proceeding to dig through your drawers now for something.

Then Jisoo spoke up from the bed, “Wear the white dress with the denim jacket over it paired with your red Converse.”

The three of you wove through the crowded room as the bass reverberated through your bones. Soon Rena and Jisoo abandoned you to find the alcohol, and you found yourself looking for Donghan. “Have you seen Donghan?” you yelled over the music to Sanggyun who was currently in the middle of flirting. He pointed over to the basement door before waving you off. You let him flirt in peace and went down the stairs to the basement.

It was significantly quieter in the basement than it was upstairs. You found Donghan sipping on his drink as Umji sat on his lap. She saw you first and waved you over; her eyes sparkling as she wished you a late happy birthday. You mumbled a thanks before finding a seat on the floor between Seonho and Kenta; the latter handing you a water bottle. You nodded your head in thanks as you looked up to watch Umji whisper into Donghan’s ear. You took a sip of your water and rested your head against Kenta’s shoulder. The moment you laid your head down; Donghan sat up straight, “Let’s play a game, everyone!”

As he said those words, Jisoo and Rena came down the stairs, “What about truth or dare? Every time you skip, you drink!,” Rena said as she stumbled down the steps before plopping herself onto the carpet.

Jisoo sat down next to her; a wicked glint flickered across her eyes, “How about the birthday girl go first?” Donghan shot a glare at Jisoo, but she brushed it off.

Rena leaned forward, “Truth or dare, Y/N?”

You tapped your finger against your chin, pretending to be deep in thought, “Dare.” The circle oohed at your choice.

“I dare you to kiss Seonho,” Jisoo said; her lips forming a smirk as she snuck a peek towards Donghan’s direction.

“My child? You’re daring me to kiss my child?” you asked, feigning horror as you turned to face Seonho, cupping his cheek, and pulling his face forward so you could meet his lips with yours. Everyone cheered the moment your lips made impact, and you flashed the crowd a smile after you pulled your lips away. Donghan chugged the rest of his cup and chucked it away, grabbing a beer from someone’s outstretched hand in the process. He then chugged all of that too and accepted another one.

“Donghan,” he looked up from his bottle to see Jisoo smiling at him, “truth or dare?”

He only looked at her blankly, “Truth.”

The glint returned to her eyes, “Do you love Y/N?”

He smiled at her question, “Of course, she’s my best friend.” You shot him a heart from your seat, and he felt his smile grow. The room groaned at his answer, obviously expecting more.

This time, Kenta called his name, “Donghan, truth or dare?”

Donghan looked at his friend in confusion; Kenta barely initiated in these kind of games. “Dare,” Donghan said, looking Kenta in the eye.

“I dare you to switch seats with me,” Kenta calmly spoke, already standing up. Donghan was perplexed at the simple dare, but complied, leaving Umji’s side to sit next to you. This time the room was silent, watching the small game of Truth or Dare unfold.

You spoke up this time, “Umji, truth or dare?”

She looked shocked when you called her name, “Truth, I guess?”

Your grip tightened around your bottle, “Where do you buy your highlighter because it’s blinding right now.” The tension in the room dissipated at your question, and Donghan couldn’t help but laugh.

The game continued on, and Donghan found himself drinking more and more, trying to evade dares that would get him naked or arrested. At one point he found himself resting his head against your shoulder as the room spun around him. You nudged him off at first, but he resisted; your shoulders were a nice place to rest. “Donghan, get off of me! Umji’s glaring at you right now,” you hissed. He only nudged his head against your shoulder, and he found his hand wandering until they found your hand, interlocking your fingers together. You looked down in shock; he hasn’t held your hand since his relationship went public. You tried shaking him off, but he wouldn’t budge. You looked up to see Umji gone from her seat. Jisoo pointed towards the stairs. “Okay, Donghan, if you get off of me for just one minute, I’ll pay for our pizza days for the next month.” His head perked up at that, and he sleepily got off of you. You rushed up the stairs and bumped through the mass of people to the restroom, the place all sad party-goers go to cry.

You knocked on the door, “Umji? Umji? It’s me, Y/N.” The door flew open to reveal a mascara-streaked Umji.

“What do you want?” she shot at you. You entered the restroom, closing the door behind you.

“Whatever happened back there was just because we’re friends, okay? Donghan’s a clingy drunk, and I just happened to be the one sitting next to him.”

She looked at you, unconvinced, “Really now? Because he’s never done that with me.”

You hopped up onto the counter, “I know what you’re implying, but Donghan usually doesn’t get drunk. Trust me, last time he was this bad, he wouldn’t leave Kenta alone for the entire night.”

She sat down on the toilet, “Honestly Y/N, are you oblivious or something?” You looked down at her and tilted your head. She rested her head on her palms, “Like, I don’t know how you haven’t noticed it, but I think Donghan’s in love with you.”

You awkwardly laughed at that statement, “Umji, he’s your boyfriend. Why would he be in love with me?” You rubbed at the back of your neck, trying to avoid her gaze.

“When we went to the lake house, he noticed I had a copy of Begin Again, and he wouldn’t stop talking about how that’s one of your favorite movies. He even proceeded to list all of your favorite songs from the movie along with all the scenes you cried at because I quote ‘she’s like a little kitten when she cries, kinda pathetic, but it’s cute.’ When we went out to buy your birthday present, and I suggested gift cards; he proceeded to list off every single one of your favorite stores, plus what you buy from each of them. When he took me to that pizza parlor, the waitress immediately placed a pizza at our table because that’s yours and his regular order. And the one time he asked me to text you a quick happy birthday message to you for him, he told me that his phone password was your birthday.” You focused your gaze on the shower curtains behind her.

“He probably never got around to changing it,” you offered weakly.

She let out a laugh, “I’ve been dating him for six months, and he’s never gotten around to changing his phone password? Yeah right. Don’t take the fall for this or anything, but I can’t take it anymore. I’m breaking up with him.”

Your eyes widened at her words, and you jumped off the counter, blocking the door with your body, “You can’t! Donghan loves you!”

She rolled her eyes before pushing you to the side, “I don’t know how much longer the two of you are gonna delude yourselves for, but trust me, Y/N, whatever Donghan feels for me, it’s not love.” She left the restroom, and your eyes trailed after her as she left the party.

Donghan slept peacefully in your passenger seat as you parked your car in your driveway. You poked his face, “Donghan, Donghan, Walnut-Head,” he woke up at that one, “get out of my car so I can let you sleep in an actual bed and not a faux leather seat.” He groaned but complied, unbuckling himself and stumbling out of the car. You helped him walk up the steps to your porch.

“Your hair smells nice, Y/N,” Donghan said sleepily as you guided him to the guest bedroom. You held back a smile at his drunken compliment, and dropped him onto the bed.

“Okay, I’ll be back with some water and an aspirin, don’t die while I’m gone.” He sat up and lazily saluted you before flopping back onto the bed. You returned with the medicine and placed it on the bedside table, “Okay, good night Donghan, I’m going to sleep now.” You tried shuffling out of the room, but he grabbed your hand and pulled you on top of him. You couldn’t hide the shock written across your face as you looked down at his face, illuminated by the soft glow of the moonlight. You laid there on top of him frozen as you felt his arm wrap around your waist and his other hand making its way slowly up your back. You shivered slightly as he made contact with your neck.

His hand found purchase in your hair, stroking it, and murmuring, “You have soft hair, Y/N.” You smiled softly at him and instinctively started stroking his hair too. He leaned into your touch and spoke again, “You have soft, nice smelling hair and a really pretty smile, Y/N. You’re like an angel.” You blushed at his words, trying to find something else to look at instead of his face. But Donghan had other plans; his hand stayed nestled in your hair, and he started to lean up. Before your mind could decipher what was happening, his lips were on yours. Your first instinct was to push yourself away; however, a small voice in the back of your head kept you rooted there, on top of Donghan, kissing him. You don’t know how much time the two of you spent there kissing, it could’ve been ten seconds or ten minutes, but eventually Donghan pulled his head back to lay back down onto the bed. A slow smile crept its way across his face as his eyes closed, and he drifted to sleep.

“Wait, can you repeat what you just said again? It’s too early in the morning for you to be talking that fast,” Jisoo yawned over the phone.

You inhaled sharply before repeating, “Well, Donghan kissed me last night while he was intoxicated, but I didn’t really pull away because his lips were really, really soft, and honestly, the kiss was just really nice? And yeah, so he kissed me last night, and I don’t know what to do now because he’s going to wake up in,” you looked at your clock, “approximately 7 minutes. Jisoo, help me please.”

You could practically hear her facepalm over the phone, “Okay, Y/N, calm down. Maybe just ask him if he remembers anything from last night? The guy was drunk.”

You ran your hand through your hair, “But what if he says yes?”

Jisoo sighed softly over the phone, “Then you talk it out with him. The two of you have been best friends forever, and honestly, if the guy kissed you, then it means something right? You guys are gonna have to talk about what happens now. If you guys are gonna start dating or maybe just stay friends, ya know.”

Uncertainty filled your voice when you replied, “Dating? Me and Donghan?”

Jisoo chuckled, “C’mon, Y/N, just think about it. Anyways, I have work in an hour, so I gotta go.” You softly said goodbye and hung up the phone. The room filled with silence as you stood there, thinking of the possibility of dating Donghan. There’s no way you could possibly date him! He’s a slob, always shows up late to plans due to his indecisiveness over what to wear or how to style his hair, and he never listened to you unless you whined and pouted your way into his view. However, you couldn’t shake of the warm feeling that bubbled in the pit of your stomach when you imagined going on dates with Donghan, holding his hand, maybe even giving him kisses when he starts pouting… You shook your head, trying to move all thoughts of Donghan back into the little friend compartment. For heaven’s sakes, you’ve bathed in the same bathtub as him as little babies; you defended him from the mean fifth graders on the bus when the two of you were little toddling kindergarteners; heck, you listened to him gush about his first kiss for two hours on the phone in the seventh grade. You’ve been with the guy since day 1, so why is it now there are fluttering feelings stirring in the depths of your mind?

“Morning, Y/N,” Donghan greeted you sleepily, still sporting his bedhead.

You couldn’t help but softly smile at the sight from the kitchen counter; you cleared your throat before speaking, “I, uh, made some of my mom’s hangover tea if you want some.” He shot you a lazy smile, causing a burst of warmth to hit your face, before heading to the kettle and pouring himself a mug. He situated himself next to you, leaning onto the counter, sipping his tea next to you, enjoying the silence of the morning. Before you could stop yourself, you lifted your hand to his head, trying to fix his hair. Donghan leaned himself into your touch, and for the next few seconds, it was just you fixing his hair, and him looking at you with a soft smile. When you pulled your hand away, the both you turned to face forward, blush erupting on both of your cheeks. Your fingers tapped against your mug, “Um, Donghan, do you remember anything that happened last night?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his eyebrows wrinkle in concentration, “I remember drinking a lot, playing truth or dare, and you helping me into your house. Nothing happened after that? No Hyunbin’s 17th birthday part 2?” You smiled at the memory of a drunken Donghan rummaging through your drawer and emerging with a bra on his head.

“Ah, no, just wanted to gauge how drunk you were,” you said, focusing on your tea.

“Oh, okay, that’s good. I’m gonna call Umji and tell her I’m not dead,” he said, ruffling your hair as he walked out of the kitchen. You were relieved that he didn’t remember the kiss that transpired between you two, but why did you feel a sudden weight settle on your shoulders?

Donghan came back into the room, running his fingers through his hair frustrated. You cocked an eyebrow at him from over your mug. “Umji just broke up with me.”

You spat out your drink, looking up at him in alarm, “What! Why?”

He just shrugged, “I don’t know. She just scoffed and said that if I really didn’t figure out why after last night, I must be dumber than she expected.”

You shifted uneasily, and your feet suddenly looked very interesting, “I’m sorry, Donghan. I should’ve just taken you straight to your house.”

He looked at you confused, “Okay, Y/N, you ruin a lot of my relationships, but this is definitely not one of those times,” you shot him a hurt look, “I kid, I kid. I’ll just stop by her house today to talk to her. You okay without me?”

You tried to shoot him your brightest smile, “Yeah, fix your relationship! Don’t worry about me.”

He watched you for a second before laughing, “Don’t be so eager to get rid of me. I’ll text you when I’m done, and then we can hang out.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” you sighed as you slammed your head against the table in the back corner of the pizza parlor. Jisoo sipped on her lemonade, and Rena was already on her second slice.

Jisoo looked up at you, “Well, let’s ask the first question. Do you have feelings for Donghan, even a smidge?” You were about to open your mouth and protest, but you nodded your head before any words could tumble out.

Rena finished her slice and leaned forwards, “Well, just tell him how you feel.”

You shot her a pointed look, “He’s at Umji’s house right now talking to her, and you want me to tell him how I feel? High chance once she realizes he has no feelings for me, they’ll go back to being a couple.” You crossed your arms and leaned back into the booth.

“But, the kiss had to come from somewhere right? Like, alcohol makes us brave, maybe he was drunk enough to realize his feelings for you, and then, poof, he kissed you,” Jisoo tried reasoning.

Rena hummed in agreement, “After all, the guy looks at you like your his moon and stars. Kenta even told me he looked ragged as hell during your two week separation.”

You groaned, “If he liked me, he wouldn’t be at Umji’s house right now. And can you guys stop making out this epic love story between the two of us? I pretty much just figured I might be in love with my best friend.”

Jisoo blankly looked at you, “Well, maybe Donghan’s like you and blurred the lines between friendship and love a little bit too much to tell the difference. Trust me, he would not save every single one of his Friday night, even skipping dates if needed, to hang out with you if he didn’t love you.”

You tried retorting, “Well, maybe he loves me like a friend?”

Rena scoffed, “Friends don’t tell their friends they have nice hair and a nice smile and call them an angel before kissing them.”

Donghan didn’t text you for the rest of the weekend, but for once, you were okay without his presence, fearing that you might blurt out your true feelings if he did come around. When Monday came rolling in, you hid yourself in the restrooms all morning before the bell rang, just in case you might run into him and Umji making out in the hallway. However, the bell rung too soon, and you trudged your way to bio.

“Hey, Y/N,” Donghan greeted, already seated at your table. You stood there at the door like a deer in headlights before someone pushed you in.

“Uh, hey,” you placed your notebook and pencils on the table, keeping your gaze away from him to the best of your ability.

“You free tomorrow?” he asked, twirling his pen.

Your voice caught in your throat for a moment, “Uh, I have some studying to do for psych, so I can’t.”

His smile dropped, “Oh, I figured my best friend could comfort me after being dumped,” all of this was said with a pout, something you tried very hard to ignore.

“So, you and Umji aren’t a thing anymore?” you asked slowly, copying down the words on the board intently. He pointed towards the opposite side of the room where Umji now sat. You let out a small “oh” before getting back to work, “Maybe some other time Donghan, I’m kind of busy tomorrow.” He stared at you for a split second longer before nodding and focusing back onto his work.

“Hyung, it’s been 4 days, 10 hours, and 27 minutes since Y/N talked to me, and she hasn’t called or texted me since,” Donghan groaned; he was currently splayed out starfish style on the carpet in Hyunbin’s basement.

Sanggyun didn’t look up from his phone when he spoke, “And nothing from Umji?”

Donghan rolled onto his stomach, “Well, she dumped me because I supposedly am in love with Y/N, and whoever thinks that is obviously crazy. You guys know I don’t deal with crazy, not after that summer fling with that BDSM enthusiast.”

Hyunbin was playing some video game, but he still chimed in, “So all your feelings for Umji just disappeared? Like overnight?”

Donghan pondered the question, “It’s not like it magically dissipated into thin air. It’s just, it doesn’t hurt as much being dumped by her as-” he stopped talking there, unsure at the direction his statement was going.

Kenta looked down at him from the couch, “As? As what?”

Donghan played the words in his mind again, “Well, as not being with Y/N. Like, I think I felt ten times worst during the separation period between me and Y/N than I do now separated from Umji? It makes sense right? Y/N’s my best friend, and Umji’s just another one of my, now ex, girlfriends.” The three boys exchanged a look at the youngest’s statement.

“Is it possible, just a little bit possible, that you might like, maybe even love, Y/N more than a friend?” Kenta asked.

Donghan scoffed, “Y/N? As a girlfriend? Guys, this is the girl that organizes my desk every time she comes over, which misplaces all of my stuff. She’s always complaining about me being late when she obviously knows that my handsomeness isn’t accomplished by half-hearted styling. And she’s the one that I love to annoy by pretending I’m not listening just so she can start whining and pouting, and it’s honestly the cutest thing, and I-” Donghan sat up straight, “Shit, I think I might have feelings for Y/N.” Sanggyun slipped Kenta a $20.

Hyunbin paused his video game, “Well, what are you gonna do about it?” Donghan sat there on the floor of Hyunbin’s basement, for the first time, lost on the matter of you. He could easily tell people what your favorite movie to watch on Friday nights are (anything Studio Ghibli or Begin Again); he could easily tell people what age you lost your first tooth (5, it was because you ran into a doorknob); hell, he could tell people what your biggest dream in life is (“just get out of this small town and do something amazing with my life. Adopt an elephant or two, just something.”), but in the matters of if you felt the same way for him he did for you, that was a different story.

“Honestly Donghan, just tell her. Y/N’s a big enough girl to handle the truth, and I hope she’s mature enough to not let this get in the way of your friendship,” Kenta said.

Sanggyun piped in, “Plus, it’s obvious she really likes you, even if she hasn’t noticed it yet.”

Hyunbin unpaused his video game, “Dude, just go to her.”

His hands were shaking as he knocked on your door. “Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out,” he repeated to himself. Then the door opened to reveal you, still in your pajamas, which he noted was an old hoodie of his and leggings.

“Uh, hey, Donghan. Can I help you?” you asked, scratching the back of your neck, averting your gaze onto the potted plant by his feet.

He took a deep breath in, “Can we talk?”

Suddenly, fear flooded your eyes, you knew this was the moment he remembered the kiss and decides to drop you as a friend forever. “Uh, um, well, I think I have to walk my plant, so, uh, bye!”

You tried shutting the door, but Donghan stopped it with his foot, “Y/N, just let me in.” You sighed before opening the door wide, letting your best friend in. He found his way to the couch and sat down in his spot.

“Look about the kiss, I know you were drunk, and honestly, I should’ve pulled away, but I couldn’t. And you can’t stop being my friend because you started it and-” you stopped rambling the moment you saw Donghan’s confused face, “shit.” He stood up and walked to you hesitantly; once he reached you he placed his hands on both of your arms,

“So, we kissed?” he asked.

You meekly looked to the ground, shielding your reddening cheeks with your hair, “Y-yeah, last Friday night when you were really drunk.”

Donghan let out a relieved sigh, “So you weren’t avoiding me because you hated me? You avoided me because we kissed?”

You nodded, “I might hate you because we kissed.”

He tensed at your words, “And why is that?” he asked, fearful of your answer. The look on your face was not what he had expected when you looked up. His best friend’s eyes were glossy with tears, her cheeks dusted pink, and her full lips trembling.

“Because the kiss made me realized I loved you, loved you more than a friend,” you shook his hands off of you, and you backed away from him, “And I don’t even know how long I’ve been liking you in that way, but I have, Donghan, for a while now, and I just now realized it. But I know to you, I’m just going to be your friend, and I think in my subconscious, I’ve always accepted that, so I never even thought of playing with the idea of loving you in that way, of being yours. And I hate it, because I was fine then, but you and your really soft and skilled lips had to come and ruin everything!”

Donghan stood there in shock before breaking out into a smirk, “Soft and skilled lips, huh?”

You ran your hands through your hair, “It’s not time to be a little shit right now, I pretty much told you how I felt!” You grabbed a pillow and threw it at him, pouting when he caught it.

Donghan advanced towards you, “And how do you know I don’t feel the same?” you looked like a cornered bunny the moment he got right in front of you. You peered up at him, tensing when he placed his hands on your arms again, “You know what I realized during the past four days? I realized that it hurts a lot more being separated from you than it does being dumped by Umji, and for a while, I couldn’t figure out why. Eventually everything clicked into place for me because yes, you’re a little shit. Okay? But you’re my little shit, and honestly, you drive me crazy. Every time you sing along to those Disney movies you like so much, I automatically smile because you’re just so damn happy over a kids’ movie. And every time you pout, I always have to fight the urge to suddenly just kiss it away. And every time you’re sad or angry or just upset with me, I’d kick myself a hundred times over, just for you to forgive me. I realized that yeah, you’re my best friend, but what I’m feeling right now? What I’ve been feeling for a while now? It’s something more than that, Y/N. I think I love you more than a friend.”

The two of you stood there in the middle of your living room, tension building like water droplets accumulating on a penny. Suddenly, the last drop came down, and the tension burst. You slipped your arms up around his neck, and his hands found purchase on your waist. And like something out of a movie scene, the two of you kissed. It could’ve been ten seconds or ten years for all you cared. However, it all came to an end when Donghan mumbled against your lips, “Today’s Friday right?” you hummed in reply, “What movie do you want to watch?”

You pulled away and pushed him onto the couch, climbing on top of him, “I’d rather not watch a movie today, Donghan. Are you okay with that?”

#kim donghan #pd101 #pd101 donghan #underratedbroduce #jbj donghan #kim donghan imagines #donghan scenarios #donghan imagines #produce 101 #produce 101 imagines #produce 101 scenarios #pd101 imagines #pd101 scenarios #jbj scenarios #jbj #jbj imagines

749 notes · View notes

5sos-aka-life · 4 years

Note

i’m gonna be a massive dick and ask: 1-100

HAHAHAH alright well here we go then. Also thank you from saving me from the world’s most boring lecture rn.

Everything will be under a read more inorder to save people’s dash but feel free to learn more about me haha.

1. The meaning behind my url:

I feel like its kinda self explanatory. I made this back when I was a giant 5sos fan and I’m too lazy to change it and idk what I would change it to if I did. I might soon though.

2. A picture of me:

3. How many tattoos i have and what they are:

I have 1 tattoo currently and it’s a pinky promise. I got it with a former friend. I have a couple more planned I just need money for them.

4. Last time i cried and why:

Like 2 weeks ago because I miss social interaction.

5. Piercings i have:

I have my ears pierced but never wear earrings, I have another set of piercings and I used to have my nose pierced but it got ripped out at work one day. Do not reccommend it hurt like a bitch.

6. Favorite band:

Not a band per say but I’ve really been into Tones and I lately, specifically never felt the rain.

7. Biggest turn offs:

Definitely not being motivated. I am very driven and like for sure have goals that I am working towards and want to achieve and when someone just has no goals (even small ones) makes me feel like I’m dragging them along and acting as their mother almost. Also people who can’t keep a conversation, like I’m not really one for small talk like I’d rather talk about the mysteries of the universe you know.

8. Top 5 (insert subject):

You didn’t provide a subject so I’m just gonna say songs:

Never felt the rain - Tones and I

Is everybody going crazy? - Nothing but thieves

Complainer - Cold War Kids

Trampoline - Shaed

Don’t stop me now - Queen (permanently in top 5)

9. Tattoos i want:

I have several lined up. My next is going to be a crow with some minimalist geometric lining in the back and some hydrangeas and delphiniums around it on my forearm. Next I’m going to get a small snapdragon along the outside of my forearm. Then I want to get my thigh pieces done one will be a watercolor tree and the other will be watercolor mountains and it’ll have some quotes underneath them.

10. Biggest turn ons:

I like assertive people who aren’t dickheads.

11. Age:

12. Ideas of a perfect date:

I’m super easy to please so pretty much any place where we can actually do something because i find that that helps break through the awkwardness of dates.

13. Life goal:

To buy my mom a house and live close to my family

14. Piercings i want:

My nose repierced, maybe like a double nose piercing idk yet.

15. Relationship status:

Happily single

16. Favorite movie:

Grave of Fireflies

17. A fact about my life:

hmmm I have like 7 siblings.

18. Phobia:

Bugs and spiders, the idea of the feeling of them walking on me freaks me out.

19. Middle name:

McKenna

20. Height:

5′4″

21. Are you a virgin?

Nope

22. What’s your shoe size?

women’s 8, men’s 6

23. What’s your sexual orientation?

Tbh still figuring that out but pansexual

24. Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

I drink occasionally but not very often

25. Someone you miss:

my awesome coworkers rn

26. What’s one thing you regret?

Not taking time to focus on myself earlier than I did

27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

Kate McKinnon

28. Favorite ice cream?

Cheesecake or honeycomb toffee

29. One insecurity:

My body shape/size

30. What my last text message says:

“Most likely yes. I know Steven was walking his dog through the park by himself and a cop was giving him shit for it”

31. Have you ever taken a picture naked?

Ooof yeah

32. Have you ever painted your room?

Yeah my childhood room at both parents house and then i had to change rooms immediately after at one and the eother moved houses.

33. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

Yup!

34. Have you ever slept naked?

Not fully i don’t think

35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

Of course!

36. Have you ever had a crush?

hahaha unfortunately yeah

37. Have you ever been dumped?

Yeah pretty even with the dumped/dumping ratio

38. Have you ever stole money from a friend?

No, if anything i give my friends all my money if they need it

39. Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

Like only people I just me? No. With people that I also know? yeah

40. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Nah never gotten to that point

41. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

No but I have lied about where I’m going/doing.

42. Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Ooof yeah I have

43. Have you ever been arrested?

Nope and I’m trying to keep it that way

44. Have you ever made out with a stranger?

Yeah, it wasn’t very good though

45. Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

Yeah for like dates or hangouts

46. Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

Yeah, it didn’t go over too well but it was several years ago

47. Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

Nah all of my neighbors have been way younger than me or like 70

48. Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

Yeah I do it with college all the time haha

49. Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

Yeah mostly platonically though

50. Have you ever seen someone die?

No and I’m glad that I haven’t

51. Have you ever been on a plane?

Yeah a ton actually

52. Have you ever kissed a picture?

I’m sure I have in my cringey teenage phase.

53. Have you ever slept in until 3?

Not quite that late as I’m a relatively early riser, the lastest I’ve slept in is like 1

54. Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?

I’ve loved people yeah but I don’t miss anyone in that way rn. Like every relationship has ended for a reason.

55. Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

Yeah it’s a really relaxing thing to do

56. Have you ever made a snow angel?

Yeah but not a huge fan of it cuz i don’t like the cold

57. Have you ever played dress up?

Yeah I’m pretty sure most young girls do

58. Have you ever cheated while playing a game?

Yeah I’m sure I have

59. Have you ever been lonely?

Yeah but I like to try to move past it and not fixate on it, easier said than done though.

60. Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?

Yeah I was super sick at school one day and fell asleep from all the medicine I had to take

61. Have you ever been to a club?

Nah I’m more of a bar person if I’m gonna go out with people

62. Have you ever felt an earthquake?

Yeah a couple since living in California

63. Have you ever touched a snake?

Yeah my brother used to own one

64. Have you ever ran a red light?

Yeah on accident, I was driving home from a really late night at work and was kinda zoned out so I didn’t even realize it was red. Luckily it was a super small street and it was late enough no one was on the roads.

65. Have you ever been suspended from school?

Nope I’m a good girl.

66. Have you ever had detention?

Yeah I was late too many times for a class

67. Have you ever been in a car accident?

Yeah I rear ended someone on my way to a new job like a couple days after getting my new car

68. Have you ever hated the way you look?

Yes I am not happy with the way I look right now but I’m working on accepting my body and chaning the things that I can

69. Have you ever witnessed a crime?

I don’t believe so.

70. Have you ever pole danced?

No but I’d love to learn sometime.

71. Have you ever been lost?

Definitely, I’m not the greatest with directions

72. Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

Yup I used to live in michigan and now I live in Cali

73. Have you ever felt like dying?

Unfortunately yeah

74. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Also yes unfortunately

75. Have you ever sang karaoke?

Yeah I love it

76. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

Yeah but it didn’t turn out to be that bad

77. Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

I don’t think so but maybe

78. Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?

No but I have dated someone who was 5 years older than me

79. Have you ever kissed in the rain?

No but I’d love to given the opportunity

80. Have you ever sang in the shower?

All the time

81. Have you ever made out in a park?

No, no one ever wants to go with me

82. Have you ever dream that you married someone?

Yeah but I couldn’t see who it was

83. Have you ever glued your hand to something?

Not my whole hand but definitely a finger

84. Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

No haha those are too dirty

85. Have you ever gone to school partially naked?

Not completely, but there was a time where I was so tired i forgot to put a shirt on under my zip up hoodie and didn’t realize until i went to take it off.

86. Have you ever been a cheerleader?

No but I was a dancer

87. Have you ever sat on a roof top?

No but I want to at somepoint

88. Have you ever brushed your teeth?

Yeah gotta be hygenic

89. Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

All the time, I don’t do scary movies

90. Have you ever played chicken?

Yeah a couple of times

91. Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

I don’t think so but I wouldn’t put it past my brothers

92. Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

I’ve had people hit on me at work

93. Have you ever broken a bone?

Yup my right wrist when I was 3.

94. Have you ever been easily amused?

Yeah I’m sure I have

95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Yeah a couple of times

96. Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

No not that confident haha

97. Have you ever cheated on a test?

Yeah a couple

98. Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

All the time, it takes a couple of interactions for it to really stick

99. Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

Yeah but always when I’ve had surface level interactions

100. Give us one thing about you that no one knows.

Hmmmm. I’m a hopeless romantic but don’t like to show it.

#me #about me #personal #crownstealer #jaci this took forever!!

0 notes

survivor-kuwait · 5 years

Text

Episode 8 - “These bitches really do be getting on my nerves” - Chloe

rip stevie :( in the aftermath of that tribal that legit just felt like one massive personal attack i decided to go do some homework bc something felt off to me!! madison was out there whining about OMG BEING IN THE WARZONE THE WHOLE TIME BOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO and yet lmao she's either been "excused" or gotten a strike for deadass just not doing the challenges. the jig is uP! i think it's fairly obvious people are just using the warzone as a way to build relationships and i mean who can blame them, but her whole pity party at these tribals needs to stop. my mood towards her has definitely soured in the last hour lol i'm over it fam. also i've been talking to ian since the tribal to get some tea since tommy is legitimately useless. i'll like ask him what happened at tribal and he literally just goes "oh i just heard his name from everyone" shrug emoi LIKE!! WOULD IT KILL YOU TO FIND SOME MORE TEA OUT... anyways i find out from ian that cullan apparently brought up that they should target timmy for challenge prowess, to which ian said he shot down due to that being a slippery slope which soon leads to him. if that's true i'm v glad that that got shot down bc that's, in my mind, a shot fired at me. GIRRRRRL, like just leave me alone i shouldn't be fucking persecuted bc half of you guys are throwing challenges and i've actually been doing them. that doesn't mean shit.

youtube

I was able to get 217 seconds on the slide puzzle. Would I get any better? 🤷‍♂️ I dont think so. I have my graduation today so hopefully this score is enough.

not gonna lie I compleeeeetely COMPLETELY forgot about the chall until this morning when I was walking to class and my dumbass is at class and work and class again until 10 pm today so I don’t rlly have a MOUSE on me..... cut to me desperately and embarrassingly texting my classmates asking them to bring a mouse to class for me nnnn this is not gonna go well. maybe it’ll be good for me to go to war zone anyways I guess

Hi sisters! Last vote was super easy. It was like “Stevie k?” “K.” But also even though I feel like I’m a big part of the decision making process for every vote, I never get less nervous that everyone is lying to me! Strategic playing, or crippling trust issues? You decide.

These bitches really do be getting on my nerves

Its almost graduation time and im sooo nervous and excited. It would be nice to not be in warzone tonight. Please survivor gods help me.

Well this is a crucial immunity. After being out of the war zone for 2 in a row I feel at this point I am a little outside the people who have been there so many times. I think I have some strong bonds with some players but I do not that a couple have it out for me. Namely Madison and Jacob, which at this point I fed they should be over the whole Renee vote but that’s their prerogative.

Sooooo Final 15 baby! Honestly Im so proud of this time around on my TS journey cause Im actually liking the individual competition portion of this game. Its like the merge part of any Survivor game but with a "tribal competition" aspect. Meaning that I only have to worry about me, myself, and I and I love that. I just need to show that Im the bad bitch that is in control and take this game by the fucking reins and show it who's boss. Aint no way Im gonna get 15th, 14th or 12th again madam. No way.

Reinke

---

I survived, yeet. Kait survived, yeet. Ian went in, f*ck. Maynor went in, f*ck. Chloe went in, f*ck. Adrian went in...yeet.

Hello! I am safe again, 2nd time in a row? Idk. I do like Kait but I don't entirely trust her. I think I can use her for a bit as she'll believe she's using me. If I have the chance to get her out before or early merge, I will. Thomas is the most boring person in this game. I have yet to meet Timmy but I doubt anyone can beat Thomas in this feat. Talking to him is like talking to a wall. A white wall too. Also, he has no manners, demands favours and doesn't say please or thank you... The second I have the chance, he's gone. Nehe should've stayed, not him. Otherwise, Ian and I are working on some kind of power together for battleship. I really do like Ian. I hope we can make it far together, he's my number 2 after Owen. Together, we have the Topaz Idol and a potential save vote and a potential new power. Maynor and I have been socializing and friendly, I want him gone sooner than later but he's not a priority. He isn't great in comps generally. Still love Trace and I do trust him to an extent. I dislike Stephen, would like to see him leave relatively soon. I don't trust him at all. On the other side, Matt is going to tribal and him and I have built quite a bit of trust previously, I hope he makes it. I'm happy Cullan and Owen and Adrian are safe as I trust all 3 to certain extents. I would like Timmy to go due to his comp prowess and due to the fact we have yet to interact, but he's immune, again. I hope Chloe makes it out okay. I also hope Devon makes it out alive. I love that guy. I think Devon, Chloe, Trace and Ian can work together though! Matt could join with them as him and Devon were big parts of the Renee vote. Madison and Maynor, who were both left out of that vote, could see their way out which is A-okay by me. Jacob was also left out of this vote but I think Ian won't target him, just my two cents. I see Jacob as a better ally for me down the road compared to Madison or Maynor. That being said, I like many people in this game. I think my social game is strong. I do need to be careful with my words as some may catch on. And I may find myself at tribal with 7 ppl I like. I have my hierarchy of allies in my mind and I know who's at the bottom of my totem poll, I just hope I can get those who aren't even on it out first. I'm also a comp threat. Usually, I can lurk in the shadows more easily but with the dynamic and my low level of comfort with risk, competition prowess combined with my social game, though flashy, is what I'm betting on to keep myself safe. Owen and Kait and Timmy's competition prowess outshines mine and people peg Madison as the socialite who throws/does not complete comps to be in warzone. As long as there are some who play flashier than me, I'll be okay. Until next time!

I found a Rock Saver with the help of Corey, chill but I'm more than happy to send that over to him the second I'm back from warzone. That is such a situational power and there aren't really alliances yet to risk rocks for, but when there are it will be within Corey and I's power to use. Again, I'll play the idol to survive if I need to, but I'll do everything I can to prevent having to play it at f16, the jury doesn't care about what happens in the premerge portion of the game.

---

It's going to be Jacob or Madison this round. Idol or bust, Cancer will take a hit, because fuck cancer. I'm done with the waiting for someone to take out players who have been just chilling in the Warzone, I'm done with the throwing challenges, I'm done with the deceit. The Warzone is not redemption island, you can't feed me a fish and send me on my way to build your jury presence. Madison is sans her warzone buddies, she's vulnerable besides Jacob. Let's go!

I may be in the war zone rn but Ian is here and I have fuckin missed that boi so yanno pros and cons

I so so so do not want to be here at Warzone again. This vote is probably the most complicated thus far because at this point I need a lot of things to go a very specific way in order for people to not realize I’m in the middle. Devon trusts me and wants to go with Ian’s plan to vote our Madison or Jacob and Madison and Maynor want to vote Ian which I would also like. However at this point I need to make everyone happy and the odds of doing that are so slim. I just have to convince Maynor wnd Madison to vote Jacob or Devon to vote Ian and neither one is the path of least resistance. I’m on the path of MOST resistance and by path I mean 1 inch wide tightrope suspended over hungry sharks.

I was not that surprised when I got voted out. I did not expect it because voting out Stephen did in fact seem like a plausible option and i felt that between him and myself it was kinda similar. It was believable that he would be voted off, but I totally understand why I was voted off. The interesting part about it to me is I think I was the least connected person in the game and I can see how that can get dangerous in merge because those people can flip a lot, but right now I thought it might've been a good opportunity to gain me as a number. I think this tribal was my first interaction with Trace and Ian. I did like them and I liked talking to them and I think I had potential to work with them if the plan of voting me out wasn't already in place. There were a few people I did not talk to that round because i didn't think I should've had to reach out to EVERYONE in order to talk to them. I just think there are alliances that have formed that i am not a part of because the decision-making for these votes is kinda weird and I don't always understand the motives. So to me an alliance i am not a part of makes the most sense. I was very excited about the lagoon though. I am hoping I get a chance to come back because that would be lit. I just need to stick it out through these votes and I am hoping Renee is connected to at least one of the other three so we can stay. Kinda glad Nehe is gone. I think he was bad for my game

Devon has been a godsend so far today, I talked to him last night about wanting Jacob or Madison out and he has up and ran with it. Devon being the face on this vote? Yes please, I don't want to blow back on me if it flips.

I actually have people working with me and talking to me this round? 😮😮😮 crazy that maybe these people have finally stopped trying to get me fucking out

Trying to talk to cullan rn and I can’t decide if it’s more or less difficult than talking to Thomas. He’s sent like three one word answers now.... Me: you doing anything exciting this weekend!? Cullan: Graduating. Ummmm ok hoe sounds real exciting hskshdjd like elaborate? Oh well I’m not answering. I tried to reach out bc my social game is ass rn but I’m not putting myself thru that today!!!! I miss Kait :( and I want to talk to corey :(((( grrrr they the real ones. And matt. Have yet to have a stimulating conversation with literally anyone else in this game. Wait ok actually I do like Timmy and madison SJSU’s je but madison busy too and Timmy sends LONG messages. Why can’t I have an in BETWEEN!!

I'm definitely going to see at least one vote tonight, I'm nervous about it because if people flip on me instead of voting Jacob I'll be dead to rights because I will not play my idol unless another idol is played. My thought process is that if I need my idol to save myself from a majority vote tonight then I wasn't bound to go far in this game anyway. I'll take my ball(advantages) and go home. 5 people told me they are voting Jacob, Matt told me Jacob is voting for me, if I'm being fed bullshit by everyone then that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Today has been quiet but people have brought up that Jacob and Madison are a strong duo. Matt was able to put the target on Jacob. It could be a 4-4 tie but Matt Madison n I might just go with majority and vote Jacob.

As per usual, I have no idea if I made a confessional about this or not. I can’t believe I won immunity, like I didn’t even have computer access. And i got 3rd so i had some margin to be safe (granted Adrian got 4th with one second more than me but still). That was the first time I did the puzzle because my other times were worse. If I was doing it on a computer my time would’ve been so much better so idk what happened with everyone else. And today Owen messaged me saying he feels kind of fucked because he hasn’t been to tribal in ages, which might be true but also he can probably win a lot of immunities come merge and people like him. I’m happy to work with him right now because we both have a lot of challenge wins but honestly I want him to go earlier on in merge because he is good at getting quick social connections.

oof mama, what a round this is panning out to be. First of all, I felt personally victimized by that challenge. The Ard tribe is full of some SERIOUS competitors, and that's the reason that I will most likely continue to show up at these stupid war zones until we merge. Fucking Kait has made it this far without going to the war zone at all, which is putting SUCH A LARGE target on her back. bUt whatever, it's just frustrating being on a tribe of people that probably do online puzzles for fun. So this round is interesting. After last round's unanimous vote, I feel a lot more comfortable working with certain people in the game. Ian has kind of solidified his spot as my number one in this game (more to come about that too). He came to me and was like we NEED to make a move against Madison/Jacob. He said he knows that Madison is a challenge threat, but is purposely trying to lose the challenges so that she can make connections with people in the war zone. Though he had made some points, I really don't think Madison is that smart to figure out how to do that. I really just think she is busy/not prioritizing and keeps showing up here. She seems pretty innocuous. That being said, she has become a bit of a social threat, slipping by all of these rounds without having to really do much. BUT, I do trust her and don't want her to be sent packing quite yet. Jacob, her star sign partner, on the other hand, can go. He doesn't talk at all, and when he doesn't they're boring one word answers. So I had pretty much set my heart on Jacob even though he is on our tribe, making my chances higher of showing up here if we keep doing the war zone format. To make matters more interesting, I talked a bit more to Matt this round and he told me that Madison and Jacob were gunning for Ian this round. Madison claims she is good with voting for Jacob, but everyone else says they seem to be a strong pair. I went straight to Ian with this and then he TOLD ME HE HAD AN IDOL. Honestly I am so happy to know he has it and not someone against me, because that's going to be some great information to have later on down the road. I think he is really paranoid, but at this point I just really cannot tell who is lying and telling the truth. I am hoping that people are being truthful and going to actually vote for Jacob, but I am trying to figure out who exactly has been saying Ian's name. It's ultimately going to be up to him whether he wants to play the idol this round but oof, if I were him, I'd be sweating. SO we shall see, but lord knows I'm shaking in my loafers!

#survivorstarzone #episodes

0 notes

plumbobbles · 7 years

Text

I need to rant. Sorry for no read more and massive wall of text but I’m on mobile and I just need to vent rn.

I love him, I really do, but my boyfriend has honestly just been annoying me this week and I need to just get it off my chest and hopefully it will help my mood a little bit because I’m in a big one.

So first thing, we watch game of thrones together, we both absolutely love it and we’ve been so excited for this season. Yesterday, he watched the last 35 minutes of the newest episode without me and then kept saying how good it was. I had previously told him about my sister’s boyfriend who did a very similar thing and his response to that was basically what an asshole, that’s a horrible thing to do. And he did say he did a horrible, awful thing before he told me but it still really pissed me off.

Last night, he went out with his friends and just before I went to bed he said he’s decided to go out out, as in to clubs and whatnot. He ended up getting home after 4am and was apparently so drunk his roommate had to help him to bed. Even after that he’s been driving today which I’m not happy about as it’s like the third time recently where he’s gotten very drunk the night before and then driven the next day when he really shouldn’t be.

I’ve been having financial issues because of my work situation so I’ve been trying pretty hard to get something else sorted for myself. Some things have come up and I’ve told him about everything in detail, and I understand it might be a lot to take in, but I was speaking to him earlier today about updates and he basically kept asking me questions that I already answered before and like he had no idea what I was speaking about? It just frustrated me because I was repeating myself and telling him things I’ve already told him but it’s like he just doesn’t take any of it in.

I’m doing a temporary job today and am near where he lives so I suggested we meet up and go to lunch together as I had an hour and he wasn’t starting work until a couple of hours later. He said no because he was meeting his grandad, which is fair enough but it still bummed me out a little considering we won’t see each other until Saturday night otherwise.

He’s also looking for better employment and has recently had an opportunity come up for an apprenticeship position doing exactly what he wants to do and it would be perfect for him. He had an interview with them yesterday morning and it went really well and they want to see him again for a presentation tomorrow morning. He hasn’t even started on the presentation yet and he’s at work until 7pm tonight. Like, he could’ve at least started on it today but nope. He’s really excited and hopeful about this opportunity so I thought he would be putting in loads of effort to make sure he gets it. And I suppose he can still put loads of effort into it tonight but it just feels like he’s leaving it so last minute?

He told me earlier on today that he’s been invited to go on holiday with some people from work next year to magaluf. He’s also going to New York with his family for a holiday next year for 2 weeks and I’ve been told it’s family only so I can’t go. Which I understand, but it’s still a bit of a blow to hear. But anyway, because he’s decided to go to that, we discussed that we would go on our own little holiday that would be less expensive. Originally we were planning on going to South Korea but since he decided to go to new York, he wouldn’t be able to afford both. Which was fine with me, I really wasn’t bothered at all. But then this magaluf trip comes up, so I mention he’s going to be going on holiday 3 times next year to which he replies basically saying what 3rd holiday? And this goes back to my previous point about him not taking in things that we talk about and I have to repeat myself or he says we never talked about that. So I bring up that we’re supposed to go on holiday together and he again basically implies we never talked about that and that if we’re living together then (which we have talked about) then it might be a struggle to pay for that. Sorry but we talked about a holiday together before this magaluf thing so surely that should be more financially important?? It’s like it didn’t even enter his mind that we would go on holiday together next year. I also need to ask who’s going on this trip because there’s a certain girl who I have issues with (not personally I guess but because of things they have spoken about together and previously done) that I wouldn’t feel comfortable with being on a trip together. Especially a holiday like magaluf where they all with basically be drunk the whole time. I do trust him but I’m just not comfortable with that at all. And let’s be honest, I’m jealous. Like I absolutely know I am but I don’t know how to change that feeling?

To top it off, I just said to him that the first thing I’m going to do when I get home tonight is take a nap and he just laughed at me. I don’t know really know why that would be funny. Considering I got up at 5am, had to travel over an hour, and had the stress of starting a new job (yes its just for one day but my anxiety was spiking about having to meet new people, drive somewhere new and do something I haven’t done before). So I’m pretty exhausted and I still have another hour to go.

I haven’t said anything to him since then and honestly I do think I just need a good sleep, a rest and to actually speak to him in person and because I’m just. Ugh I’m stressed and frustrated and tired and it feels like he doesn’t listen to me or sometimes even think about me (regarding the holiday thing) and im

Yeah idk. I guess I feel a little better? Not really lmao. I just want to get home and go to my bed

#non sims #nonsims #saviorhide #text post #personal #my life

18 notes · View notes

sanctimoniousscrawlings · 5 years

Text

Prompt#1: Lull of the Forest (part 2)

The overwhelming pressure I typically feel inside the house appears to be gone and I’m not ready to leave this sanctuary so I roll onto my side to start scratching my fox friend behind the ears. The movement sends a couple flower petals floating down from my head. I reach up to find I circlet of entwined flowers perched on my crown. “Strange.” I intone sleepily. But then what it this forest isn’t? “I should probably give you a name instead of referring to you as ‘the fox’ all the time, huh? What do you think of... Fen?” The fox begins licking my hand in response and I take that as acquiescence. At this point, I notice a note on the nightstand, held there by my phone. I pick up the phone to see a message from Demeter saying that she would be staying the night in town and that she’d be back in the afternoon. I text a quick response back and grab the note. In a tall, narrow, curving script it reads, “Keep the cloak for protection. Darkness dwells deep within your abode- it would be wise to make this space your own. May the light of the goddess help you find your way.” Curiouser and curiouser. I feel as though whoever wrote the note is judging me for not erasing Dylan’s presence from the house. “I’m not sure how to make it mine,” I murmur. I haven’t felt like myself in years. There are times where I don’t even feel like a person anymore. I get up and leave the room to wander the house in consideration, leaving the door open for Fen.

What would I even do to make this place mine? I have my desk. I have my studio. Buying new furniture would be a waste- I actually like a lot of what was left behind. I could fill the place with books the way Demeter has with plants. Maybe I could take on some form of crafting. I could knit a couch cozy or something. On second thought I’ve always thought they were hideous. Ships in bottles? Challenging, requiring more focus than I’m capable of, plus what will my aesthetic be then? A pirate? I’m going to dress like a pirate now. A ship’s wheel on the wall. My bed needs a mast. Wait, how would that even work. “This is so stupid,” I mutter, clutching the sides of my head. While I would not mind the whole pirate chic look, that’s not me. I’ve never even seen the ocean. I make my way to the studio at the back of the house. The sliding door leading into my space is stuck shut and icy to the touch. What the hell? I decide to try heading outside in order to go around but the front door won’t open either. I can’t breathe. Panic digs its talons deep into my chest. The pressure in the air is back and stronger than ever. “That’s it. I’m burning this fucking house to the ground.” The aura of the house is so palpable and I feel as though it’s laughing at me. “You wanna play chicken with me, fucker?” I rush to the kitchen and start flinging paper towels everywhere. I know I need something more substantial but I’m at a loss. I make to light an entire roll with the stove but it won’t light. “You think this will stop me?” I cackle, completely mad, and pull a lighter out of my pocket. “I’m a stoner. You think I didn’t come prepared to fucking party?” I’m screaming at the house, only mildly aware of how insane I’m acting. I hear the sliding door slam open and am shaken from my state of mind. I head back to my studio to find the door open. I freeze when I see the canvas in the middle of the room. In the same sloppy handwriting as Dylan’s letter, I see in bold crimson paint: Man. You go zero to a hundred real quick. “Dylan?” No. Why me? The brush floats up from the pallette and begins to scrawl. The one and only. I’m glad you came, Riley. To say I immensely regret not burning the house down is a massive understatement of the grossest proportions. The lighter is still in my hand. It’s not too late. “Absolutely not. No. This is not something I can allow.” I did not sign up for this bullshit. The brush makes it’s way over to the paint and I back hand it out of the air before kicking the easel to the ground and stomping on the canvas. “Leave. Leave, now. I’m still ready to light this whole sucker up.” A pencil starts scribbling furiously on top of the sheathe of papers I keep on my desk. I don’t bother looking. I go back to my room, grab my phone, my wallet, the cloak, the fox, and my backpack before heading back to the studio. The pencil starts writing again but I continue to ignore it. Fen is making some seriously unhappy noises and baring it’s teeth in the direction of my desk. I throw open the back doors and leave, straight for the forest. I stop at the treeline to send Demeter a text. Me: Dylan has not left the building . D: what Me: He’s. Fucking. HauNtiNG. OUR. HOUSE. Me: I’m heading out. Let me know when you’re coming home and I’ll return. D: Where are you going? Me: The woods. Which, and I never thought I would say this, are safer. I’ve got Fen with me. D: Who is Fen D: And don’t go into the woods. Me: This chill little fox that’s been hanging with me when I’m working on stuff outside. I think They sent her to watch over us. She’s curled up in my hood rn. So. Cute. D: You’re already in the forest, aren’t you Me: Of course! =D D: Of course.

I can practically feel her roll her eyes through the text.

D: Just... Don’t do anything stupid Me: That reminds me. There are papel towels all over the kitchen floor. I’ll take care of it when I get home. D: I know I’m gonna regret asking how that happened but here I am. Please tell me it was a mischeivous vulpine. Me: That asshole tried to trap me in the house so I was gonna burn it to the ground. Dylan caved as soon as I pulled out my lighter. D: I wanna say that’s unreasonable and you know better but honestly D: I don’t think I can D: Don’t burn the forest down if you see something scary Me: The only thing I’m lighting up is my holy green Me: Anything scary is getting offered a joint. Maybe the things out here will have mercy on me if they’re high.

Demeter sent me another text but I don’t read it- I’ve found my way into a meadow and in its center is the basket I’ve been bringing gifts out with. I move the cloth out of the way to find the basket full of all sorts of strange thing. At the top is a note with the same elegant handwriting as what was on my desk. Wear me. O...kay.... I move the note aside to find a large orange crystal in a filligreed silver holster attached to a large leather loop. Beneath that is... A witch’s hat? It’s forest green velvet, matching the silk of the cloak I’m wearing. It’s quite a bit more squat than the costume hats I’ve seen and there’s a rust coloured feather sticking out of a matching band around the base of the hat. “Why not.” I put the crystal necklace on followed by the hat. “I have never felt so bad ass and so ridiculous at the same time.” Fen yawns in my hood. I pick up the basket and pull the rest out. More crytals that look like they could be exchanged with the one on my necklace. Two packages wrapped in brown paper containing a mysterious book with blank pages and... a deck of tarot cards? What, are They new age hippies? A green velvet satchel I hadn’t noticed before was still at the bottom. I pulled it open to see rune stones held within and then pull the drawstrings to seal it again. “Yep. The forest folk terrorizing the town are really just new age hippies. Now this is the gay agenda I always wanted.” I check the text Demi sent me.

D: Who knows? You do seem to have a penchant for getting what you want when you focus. I mean, you just played chicken with a haunted house and it blinked first. Then again, maybe he didn’t think a suicide pact was a romantic enough first date. Me: If I had died I would have turned the tables. Haunt him and kick his scrawny etherial ass. But listen, you’ll never guess what I found in the forest D: Oh god Me: I’ve been bringing food out in a basket and leaving it near the treeline. After a while it started returning with goodies in it. I just found it out in the forest and- hold on.

I take a selfie and then a picture of the rest of the trinkets before putting them away in my bag and attactching the basket to it. I send the pictures and then keep moving while I wait for her response.

D: You aren’t the new age witch they deserve but the one they need right now Me: Crazy right? Who would have thought They would be a bunch of hippies, killing off the conservative small town in a ploy to improve society as a whole-the gay liberal agenda I do deserve and definitely need right now. Me: Maybe they’re recruiting freedom fighters. I’ll go bitch slap some gun nuts in the face for fun, let alone a revolution. I wonder how they feel about guillotines. D: I’m always down for nazi punching and lopping off the heads of the bourgeoisie Me: Is it bad that I’m digging this look? It just feels so right. D: I wonder if they provide essential oils with the enlistment package; I don’t care for infusers but I’ve kinda always wanted to try making bath bombs since discovering the wonders of Lush

We continue our conversation as I wander further north. I feel more and more sets of curious eyes on me as I trek but sense no animosity. Eventually I reach a grassy knoll and sprawl out on it, staring up at the clouds as they drift by. Fen wanders off and I, for the third day in a row, fall asleep in a place that should terrify me. All manner of strange creature fills my dreams, but they are pleasant. In my final dream, the earth swallows me. I sink down into it, throwing down roots to grow into something more. Voices surround me but I am not concerned for I am safe in the earth’s embrace.

“He’s waking up.” Is the last thing I want to hear when I awaken, and anxiety crawls up my spine like a particularly large centipede, digging it’s many feet into my flesh. The first thing I see is a man leaning in way too close with bright green eyes, a cheerful expression, and a fiery halo of messy hair. “You know, for someone from the village, you sure feel comfortable falling asleep in the forest. This makes the third time I’ve had to carry you off to safety, Riley.” He was jovial and it was a little unnerving. “Not all of us are nice.” “I believe you have nice and kind mistaken, young man.” A woman with raven black hair and crimson eyes placed a slender hand on the man’s shoulder, pulling him out of the space he was encroaching on. I breathed a little easier now that my space wasn’t being invaded. “Who are you guys? Where am I? Wait. Are those... Fox ears?” “In order: we are fae of the Seelie court. I am Queen Sylairia and this is-” The man cut her off before she could finish. “You already know my name. These are definitely fox ears.” “Fen?” I ask, bewildered. “It’s Fenrir, but you were close enough.” “Wait, Fenrir, like the wolf in norse mythology?” I called him Fen because it was short for Fennec. “That’s the one.” “But you’re a faerie that shapeshifts into a fox.” “I fail to see the problem.” Sylairia rolls her eyes and continues, “You are in the royal quarters of our domain, more specifically Fenrir’s room- and yes. Those are indeed fox ears as Fenrir just said. I am glad to see you are so very observant.” She says drily. “So, you are the changeling that caught my son’s eye.” She looks me over disapprovingly. “Spending so long away from left you with something to be desired. Several things, you are lacking in, in fact. Tell me, boy. Who is your mother?” My face must have looked like a giant question mark because Fenrir spoke up. “I don’t think he knows, mother.” “You at least knew you were not human, correct?” “Uhh....” The queen lets out an exasperated sigh, turns, and walks out muttering under her breath. “That boy... there’s no accounting for taste.” “So, uhh. Question.” I say tentatively. “Shoot.” “Did you bring me this stuff?” I sit up, lifting my arms to gesture at myself. “Yeah. The cloak is spelled with protections. The crystals grant various boons as well.” “And the hat?” “+ 5 to charisma?” “What.” “I just thought it was a good lynch pin for the whole ensemble- aaand I was right. Consider me spellbound.” He grins at me and there’s a wicked glint in his eye. I throw the hat at his face, too flustered to respond, and he laughs as he’s putting it back on my head. “The sexy warlock look suits you- though I would switch out the clothes under it for something more...” he pauses, trying to think. “I retract that. I’d switch it out for something less.” He says with a wink. “Do I need to throw something heavier at you?” The look on his face says he’s about to dig his grave deeper but he reconsiders and changes the subject, avoiding peril. “You know, I sense strong magic in you.” “This better not be another pick up line.” “Ooh, I just came up with a good one- but no. Come with me, and bring your bag.” I eye him suspiciously. “I already have you in my bed; this isn’t another flirtation.” “Fair point.” I do as he asked and follow him out. “Where are we going?” “I’m taking you to High Witch Magdelena. She’s the best teacher one could hope for.” I’m about to ask more questions when my phone pings.

D: You better still be in one piece. Me: I’m alright. Boy do I have a story for you D: I’m about to head back to the house. Meet there? Me: Not yet. I might be in faerie hq rn D: Riley, get out of there. Me: Too late, getting magic lessons from a seelie high witch brb D: Wait, Seelie? Are you sure? Me: Faeries can’t lie, right? D: ... D: True. Do you think they’re gonna help you exorcise our douchebag of a ghost? Me: I hope so. They seem to think I’m a changeling. Either way, I think you should stay away from the house for now. I guess I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back? D: Be careful. Me: Nah, I think I’ll just bumrush this whole situation. Maybe light the place on fire. D: I know you think you’re joking but I’m betting you end up lighting it on fire Me: I didn’t light the house on fire. D: That’s the first time I’ve ever heard of you failing to set something ablaze Me: first of all how dare

I put my phone away just in time for us to stop at a large, ornate doorway. “Wait out here, I’m going in to talk to her first.” Riley says, cracking the door open and disappearing through it.

The Prompt Part One Next

#Lull of the Forest #writing prompt #part 2 #I wasn't planning on this being so long #i crack myself up #fiction #fantasy #my writiting #lgbt #faeries #haunted house #Riley is gonna fuck Dylan's ghost up #short story

0 notes