#but stop negating the accomplishments of others

[awkwardrocker]

I won't lie, I'm a bit disappointed in Max Verstappen fans after Lando's win yesterday. A lot of people are discrediting Lando and McLaren in general. The fact of the matter is that Lando deserved that win.

Yes, it was a lucky safety car. But I think you all are forgetting Max's first win came in part because the Mercedes drivers took each other out. Are you now arguing that Max is a shit driver that doesn't deserve that win because it involved luck there too?

Lando is a fantastic driver and this win is long overdue. It might make you feel better to discuss what ifs but even if we do, that doesn't change the results, and it's honestly just incredibly disrespectful of the work the McLaren engineers put into the upgrades, the efforts of the strategists, and the solid drive that Lando put in.

[strangersteddierthings]

Steve, Gareth and Chrissy are cousins AU (sad edition) [prologue] [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Final Part]

The saving grace for Steve here is that all eyes are on Eddie, so no one witnesses how he freezes, just for a moment, when Eddie tells them who the 'she' is he's been referring to. How he just wanted to help her. Help Chrissy. Whatever Eddie has been saying has turned to buzzing, to white noise, to nonsense in the background of his mind.

He has to be wrong. Mistaking some other girl for Chrissy. Because it can't be Chrissy. It can't. Steve has worked so hard to keep his family away from the Upside Down shit. She couldn't be- there's no way she somehow got caught up in it. There's too many questions and not enough answers and when did the air get too thick to fit in his lungs?

Does Gareth know?

Gareth, who Steve knows is one of Eddie's friends and here Eddie sits before him, a witness to Upside Down shit. A witness to a murder they have no clue how to solve. Gareth, who isn't exactly friends with Mike, Dustin, and Lucas, but who is in the same club as them and on friendly terms. That's too many people connected to the Upside Down in Gareth's personal circle for Steve to be okay with.

He thought this was done. That they wouldn't ever have to deal with this shit again.

Eddie is still talking as the pounding in Steve's ears fades and he listens as Eddie swears, he just wanted to help, that she seemed so freaked out by something, and Steve's insides twist and churn. Why hadn't Chrissy come to him? Just last week he was at her house, hanging out and catching up. She never mentioned an issue. A problem. Something that would cause her to seek out heavier drugs than weed.

They used to tell each other everything. What changed?

His stomach drops as the answer comes to him.

He did.

He'd changed. He started keeping secrets first. Pushed Chrissy and Gareth away after that first incident and hadn't really started to let them back in until after Starcourt. He'd just wanted to keep them safe. Keep them as far away from this horror as possible. He'd ended the weekend sleepovers because of his nightmares, stopped inviting them over to hang out by the pool because he can't look at it without thinking about Barb, started avoiding them at school when he'd ended up beat to shit by Billy because he knew they'd dig for more answers than he could give.

No wonder Chrissy didn't tell him anything was wrong.

There's no way for Steve to know if he could have helped or not, even if Chrissy had talked to him. Eddie doesn't have answers; just a story.

Steve hates him a little bit. It's irrational. Eddie didn't do this Chrissy, (even if he had been arguing that point at Family Video) but it doesn't stop the anger inside him from boiling up. He doesn't act on it, of course he doesn't, he's not that person anymore.

Plus, acting on it would kind of negate everything Dustin just convinced Eddie of, such as he's not crazy and they do believe him, and Steve's not about to undo what Dustin's accomplished by taking Eddie by the vest and shoving him against the wall in a reverse of earlier. It wouldn't do any good, not now that they're all sure it's a new, unknown threat from the Upside Down that they'll have to figure out on their own.

No. Taking his anger out on Eddie won't solve anything.

He can be mad about this later.

It does sit heavy on him, though, that he doesn't think anyone in this boathouse knows Chrissy was his cousin. That the Upside Down has taken someone from Steve this time. He can't tell them. Robin wouldn't take it well, and Dustin might not either. They'll be sad for him, and he can't handle that right now.

He can mourn later.

-

Remember the fun lil fic of Gareth not wanting his cousins, Chrissy Cunningham and Steve Harrington, to ruin his street cred in high school? Well, the fun is done. Have some angst. More parts will follow but it's not really a fic? Just... disjointed scenes, rewritten from canon to fit the cousin AU.

[life-as-gwen]

What is Sobriety?

What does it mean to be living a sober life? What is sobriety?

I know what it is not. It is not a destination or something that we achieve and no longer have to work at. Simply not drinking or not using, for an addict, seems impossible in the beginning. When we choose to get sober, we begin the battle with cravings, withdrawals, temptations and a lot of pain. Whether we fight this on our own, with the help of a physician or end up in a detox program, it is all the same. We get our drug of choice out of our systems. Then the real work begins.

Many of us have been through this multiple times. I have quit drinking more times than I can count. I stopped drinking for about 10 years at one point. I would not describe this time of my life as being particularly sober. I was a deeply unhappy and angry person. I was basically white knuckling the ride of emotions on a daily basis. I had no insight into my suffering. I blamed myself for being a bad person, difficult to deal with and just not capable of being a good mom, wife, daughter etc. I was unhappy and full of self-pity. During this time I saw my children graduate and leave for university, I went through a divorce, changed jobs and began a new life on my own. I did believe at the time that I was making it and that I was strong. Until it all came crashing down.

I hesitate to call what happened over the next five years as a relapse, because I had not been living a life in recovery, I had merely stopped drinking. When I picked up the drink again I had made no real progress and found myself in a deeper hole than I had ever been. I had no control of my drinking, no self-respect and no hope for any kind of a future.

With the persistent help of some beautiful people, I went into a 60 day rehab program, which was the beginning of something brand new. I began the painful process of facing myself, my anger, my trauma and began to learn a new way to live. A life of sobriety.

This new lifestyle is ongoing and is something that requires daily maintenance. It is easier some days than others. The tendency to gravitate towards anger and isolation is always there, just as the potential to take that drink again is always there.

While I strive to maintain emotional sobriety, it is not a straight line. There are successes and failures. The failures do not negate the work we have done and do not take away the good we have accomplished. We continue to try and move in a forward direction, celebrating our wins and showing ourselves love and compassion when we are struggling.

Sobriety is a way of living.

[mrs-monaghan]

Why everyone saying JK took Jimin's hand when JM hugged him ? It looked like JK asked him to stop hugging and took his hands off.. JM let go right then lol

It looked like JK asked him to stop

Bitch I hope you are atleast getting something out of this. Like satisfaction or joy or some shit. Because otherwise this kind of behaviour is just pathetic as hell. What? You saw Jokers are on cloud 9 so you thought; I'll go bring them down a notch???

It looked like JK asked him to stop

To you, it looks like they weren't holding hands. To you it looks like Jikook aren't being their usual cute self with Jimin being clingy with his bf like he always is. Like he has every right to. To you, it looks like JK told him to stop. Something I'm assuming you're able to tell from that distance, through their masks, right? Because noooooo u can't come up with a positive scenario it has to be a negative one. Right?

Because JK doesn't wanna go on this trip in the first place! Its BH forcing him once again to do something he doesn't want to do. So when Jimin holds him JK is like "get off"? That's the narrative you're choosing to go with, yes?

Well, someone could watch that clip and see something else. Maybe Jimin like all the other members is privy to what Armys get up to. Maybe Jimin saw all the hate that took place yesterday when it came out that they were travelling together. Maybe, Jimin doesn't give a flying fuck so at the airport... he purposely threw his arm around JK's shoulder and held his hand just, coz, he, can. Maybe then he kept holding JK knowing the cameras would do their thing... that people would take all those photos and videos and the vermin and antis would see Jikook being very close with eo like they always are. And maybe, just maybe, that was a fuck you from Jimin. Hold JK, the press and fans take a few pics and then he let's go of JK and steps away.

Mission accomplished.

Now, bitter, annoying anon, I'm not saying that's what happened, but if you can come up with a negative scenario trying to negate the Jikook bond, why can't we come up with a scenario of our own?

[lesbian-disaster-academic]

Since there's been some discussion of this on a prior post I made, let's address

Neurodivergent Skill-Regression: What is it & Why Does it Happen?

Content Warning! This post will make brief mention of various topics, including: childhood abuse (not explicit), depression, suicidal ideation, car accidents, the COVID-19 pandemic, and throwing up.

Okay, let's begin with a quick preface. I'm writing from the Global North, in a capitalist economy, and in a country founded on (ongoing!) systems of colonialism. Therefore, that's how I'll be situating this discussion (just because it's what I know best). Neurodivergence and Capitalist Exploitation Under capitalism, productivity and extraction in the name of profit become of the utmost importance. Extraction can take place in the form of extracting physical resources (think fracking on Turtle Island), extracting labour, etc. Ultimately, neurodivergence itself is not an ill-formed or "bad" mind. It is only conceptualized and coded as such because capitalism and various other interlocking systems of oppression are actively hostile to minds that, in some way, subvert capitalist and colonial ideals. (however, this is not to negate, invalidate, or trivialize the fact that adhd/asd/ocd/bpd/etc. are disabilities. by their very nature, they impede and disrupt functioning. what is considered "functional", however, is determined by this capitalist/colonialist state and the things it values. this is all simply to say that we would be able to more easily exist and thrive within a society that doesn't reward self-destruction in the name of accumulating capital for the upper class) Of course, living in a system that is not built for you is going to be exhausting—it takes a toll on you, both physically and mentally. This can be further compounded if you are marginalized in other ways; for instance, if you're a person of colour, working class, a woman, 2SLGBTQ+, an immigrant, or a combination of these.

Masking and Burnout Many neurodivergent folx are forced into positions in which they have to mask. For the sake of clarity, "masking", in this case, involves concealing one's neurodivergent traits. For me, that might look like suppressing compulsions, consciously regulating my facial expressions, working longer and harder to accomplish tasks because I can't focus, or scripting conversations before I have them. These manifestations are often invisible to outsiders, but they take a heavy toll on us, and can often result in neurodivergent burnout. This is where the skill-regression comes in. An Example... Let me give you a personal example of what neurodivergent skill-regression can look like! Prior to the pandemic, I was a highly productive person. I was designated "gifted" (whatever that means) and was top of my class in every single class. I was participating in (and running) multiple clubs, working a steady job, volunteering within the community, and learning new instruments and languages. I was a skilled pianist and painter, and also very athletic. From the outside looking in, I appeared successful: I had a massive scholarship lined up at the most prestigious university in the country. I was generally well-liked. I was creative and skilled in both the humanities and STEM (mostly humanities lol), etcetera etcetera. But I was in no way okay. I was incredibly depressed and suicidal. I had multiple undiagnosed anxiety disorders and neurodivergencies. I was experiencing relentless abuse at home. I was throwing up every few days out of pure fear and stress. I was constantly sick, crying (in secret, and then later too numb to cry), overwhelmed, exhausted, and apathetic. And yet I refused to stop pushing my body and mind to their limit because I had this ingrained belief surrounding my productivity—if I slowed down, would I be worth anything? At the time, to my mind, the answer was a staunch no (even though I didn't apply this thinking to anyone but myself lol). So I repressed everything. I pushed it all to the side and kept moving forward. To put it in perspective, I got hit by a truck at one point, but I was so scared of being late to a thing and disappointing my parents that I just apologized and kept going. This kind of behaviour went on for close to a decade. And then the pandemic hit. And I was forced to stop. I was made to (by virtue of my relative privilege) take a moment to sit down, look around, and actually feel things. And it hit me like a ton of bricks: All the weight of the anger and fear and everything that I had been repressing for the sake of survival came RUSHING in. Now? You want to know what I'm like now? I am very burnt out and incredibly unproductive. I have the attention span of a gnat. Where I used to be able push through exhaustion or else tamp it down with consistently high levels of adrenaline, I now almost ALWAYS feel tired, to the point where I have to lay down. I used to be able to toss together an essay in the span of a couple hours. And, yes, while I can still put an essay together quickly, it’s not going to necessarily be good. Likewise, where I used to be able to mask my neurodivergent traits, I'm now hyperaware of how exhausting it all is, which makes it more difficult to appear neurotypical in public.

The thing is, when you have something like adhd as well as an anxiety disorder, the anxiety can pretty effectively mask the adhd. But once I started medication and more intense therapy, I got a hold on my anxiety and alllll of my coping mechanisms fell away. I no longer had that constant, vibrating fear to force me to maintain attention, and push myself to the breaking point.

It’s like not aging for 80 years and then suddenly having decades collapse into you in the span of moments. So Where Does This Leave Us? Okay, that was a loooong tangent, sorry. Returning to the original point. As the infinitely cool and talented @revenantscholar mentioned in a previous post of mine, when you exist in an unsafe environment (or one which is generally not built with you in mind), it's difficult to hold onto the skills you once had. Your body goes into survival mode and prioritizes keeping you alive. Once you have returned to a space where you can unmask and be physically/emotionally/mentally SAFE, you have the capacity to relearn some of those skills. Not all of them, necessarily, and not all at once. But these things do return—and even if they don't (listen to me, this is important), that doesn't make you stupid/bad/worthless. You are living in a world that is not built for people like you and I, and it sucks, and it's painful and scary, and we will continue to fight for a better future. In the meantime, it's important to remember that you are worthy of care, compassion, empathy, and support regardless of what you can contribute/do. You are incredibly important and I'm so glad you're here. (Thank you for listening. I'm drawing on my human rights knowledge from my degree, and also my own personal experience. However, feel free to correct me or ask any questions you might have! I'm also happy to provide resources/citations if needed. Now go drink water and rest if you need to! Ily!)

[buhbuhlmao]

Day 1: Late on this but since a lot of people have their made their picks already, I decided to exclude the Undisputed 7 in my tier list out of my Negator choosing.

So…. my favorite non-main-cast Negator is Enjin Banba.

Out of the Under crew that get less focus (Creed, Yusai, Enjin, Kurusu and I guess the new Unchange), Enjin is the only instance thus far where I made a half-joking comment about a side cast member doing something insane and being correct.

I’m kind of a sucker for when side cast members defy conventions and just be a crackfic-y powerful neutral force in a story. Enjin honestly is the closest one to this type in a series with a well-established moral compass like Undead Unluck.

Enjin here being unable to give his mom the best dish prior to her passing might seem less impactful than the others’ tragedies, but a recent interview revealed that Enjin’s backstory is both a more grounded inverse of Akira’s Unknown and a mirror to Tozuka’s actual past where he’s unable to show his deceased mother his accomplishments.

I have a little headcanon that Enjin travels the world by 1. Sell food that he can make without heating. 2. Get enough money to take a cruiser (Unburn is much safer when not accidentally used on a plane) 3. Set up his food stall on the wayside to a volcano and draw more people in by “mysteriously” have blackened harmless lava during the Puna eruption in the area he works in. 4. Stop a small group of Negator kidnappers by Unburning their guns and taser charges before getting picked up by Under.

Mr Banba being immune to Kurusu’s power is still not clear from what I know unless I’m misunderstanding some scene in the Ramen arc that already somewhat explained why. From what I’ve seen of their interactions in loop 100, Enjin is usually annoyed by Kururu despite calling her by a nickname . If anyone have a better idea than I have do let me know.

Also @tokiro07 said that Enjin’s “epithet” would be Fireproof. Doesn’t “extinguish” makes more sense? Even though I do think extinguish does sound more generic.

Lastly, for more Sun-extinguishing trivia, see here I guess:

[tokiro07]

"These things cannot be stopped: an inherited strength of will; one's dreams; the ebb and flow of the ages. As long as people hunger for freedom, these things will exist." - Gold Roger, One Piece, ch.100

"In this looping world, there are three Rules one must wield. The Rule that transcends physical boundaries to relay information to others: Soul. The Rule that acts as a trigger to accomplish that: Death. And the Rule that allows growth in those who accept what souls have to offer: Change." - UMA Soul, Undead Unluck, ch.199

I've mentioned a handful of times that Undead Unluck is the spiritual successor to One Piece, and the themes of revolt against oppression via unity and friendship alone have made that abundantly clear, but I couldn't help but notice that a recent chapter of UU mirrored one of One Piece's most iconic thesis statements

The Death of a Negator facilitates the succession of their Rule and their collective desire to defeat God: Inherited Will

The Soul of a Negator embodies their true self, everything they are and everything they want to be: their Dreams

The Change brought on by the new perspectives that a Negator gains for their Rule from both living with it and meeting their predecessors: the ebb and flow of the Ages

It's subtle, but the sentiment is near identical when you take a closer look at it. Down the long march of time, what defines an age will always change, the will of those who have died will be passed down to the next generation, and the dreams of man will live on in their souls

A man dies when he is forgotten

As long as you don't forget, then people won't die

Carrying that mantra in one's heart, man will defy and negate the rules and one day reach the Gods that created these worlds, and everyone will truly be free

[captmickey]

An Ode to the Royal Guards, a King's Quest fanfic

It's the end of the year, and I felt a spark to write something with the guards to celebrate it... so here we are with my very poor attempt of a "poem".

---

“I'm just saying, I'm feeling rather poetic right about now.”

“Please, for whatever sanity I have left, spare me.”

“Tragically, I cannot do such a thing, it must be said.”

Number One groaned as Number Two took another swig of his drink. It was a warm night in the Mess Hall as the snow fell outside the castle. The chill and somewhat gloom outside contrasted the inside where everyone was enjoying their meals and drinks, the momentary in-between shifts between the morning and evening guards.

And sitting at his usual table with his usual companion was a bothered Number One holding his head in one hand and a mug in another and Number Two who was snickering at his captain’s unamused expression.

“The nicest thing you can do for me is not doing it.” Number One reiterated. “For the safety of both man and country.”

“Oh, nonsense, it's not that bad.” Number Two waved off.

“It shockingly is.”

“You loved the poem about the knights.”

“It–” he paused and contemplated, “okay, that was a good poem. However, one does not negate the dozens upon dozens of terrible poetry.”

“Oh! Are we about to be regaled with more worthy poetry?” Kyle beamed, sitting across from the two higher ups.

“Prepare the buckets.” Number One snark, warranting a nudge from Number Two.

“Ah, it's not that bad.” Larry defended.

“See?” Number Two pointed. “He likes them!”

“Yeah, because they're hilarious, especially when the rhymes make no sense.” Number Three explained, taking a seat alongside the others.

Number One nearly choked on his drink from laughter as Number Two glared.

“So what's the name of your latest masterpiece?” Larry asked.

“A farewell to my remaining sanity.” Number One muttered. “Please stop indulging him.”

“On the contrary, keep indulging!” Number Two grinned, took a sip and stood up. “Showtime!”

“Stars, help me.” Number One covered his eyes.

Placing a metal boot on the table (and ignoring Number One’s bemoaning to not place his dirty foot on the bloody table), Number Two cleared his throat to gather most of the attention in the Mess Hall and raised his mug.

“And now, an Ode to the Royal Guards!” He began.

“Will it actually be an ode this time?” Kyle whispered to a snickering Larry.

“Only one way to find out.” Number Three took a sip of her own drink.

“To the Royal Guard, who work so hard

At protecting and serving.

I’m at awe with you and with all that you do,

That lets me admire the land I adore.

From the magical faes to the stormy days,

You guard all with heart.

The goblins will pounce, Number One will frounce,

But your bravery never wavers.

With your boots polished and armor untarnished,

There’s nothing that can’t be accomplished.

The gloomy day, we try to keep at bay,

Will be done with vim and vigor.

Addendums and rules, plus Betsy that drools,

The castle will stand tall and true.

So I say to you, as Number Two,

That we will always do our best.

And it will all be done, thanks to Number One.”

“However this poem has dragged on, so please, just be done. And with that, we say good night.” Number One finished.

Number Two to look at him wide-eyed with a smile to match before shouting alongside everyone in the mess hall who applauded the disgruntled captain who smirked and raised a mug along his men.

[applejongho]

On gender: sometimes I wonder if I'm actually nonbinary or if I just want to be alt and am doing it to break away from my parents' expectations. It's so frustrating to the point it's caused me partially not to come out to certain people because like. what if I'm wrong? And that sort of implicit disapproval masked as concern is so. It's so hard to confront anyone about it because of how it's framed.

I think the good and bad thing about both gender and identifying with a subculture is that there's not a strict set of rules you must fulfill to "join" either. But that means that you can come and go freely in any if you want to, or stay with one/a few forever. Whichever is more comfortable.

way more under the cut bc i started talking and never stopped 🤠

I can't speak on the nb experience because I've never identified as it or thought I was nb, but I can at least speak on why I'm not nb AND why I resonate with alternative subcultures all the same. I really resonated with alternative subcultures bc of the music and political ideologies but also because growing up I consistently never felt like I fit in with other girls around me. They all presented or acted in ways that just didn't click with me, to the point where I thought something was wrong with me for it. I didn't have the word or the idea that a girl could look like something else, so I dressed like they did bc I thought that's what I was supposed to do as a girl (but also my parents forced gender roles on me so it's not like i had a choice). I didn't get how others could like what they were wearing and feel comfortable in it. But then I started dressing "edgier" (when i got older) and all of a sudden I understood.

But the key here is I didn't ever feel like I wasn't a girl despite not resonating with the girls at school. And I can't exactly articulate that bc gender is so personal but I just know that I felt proud of female accomplishments in history and wanted to follow in their footsteps, I felt a social connection to girls and didn't feel "othered" (besides them liking how they dressed and i didnt), and when nb people started appearing in my life I didn't connect w them in that way or wish to be like them (in the sense like, I didn't want to "present" like them* or say my pronouns were they/them or whatever "precursors" there are to being nb). I've also heard that some nb people before realizing they are nb is they feel uncomfortable when they are indirectly called a girl or boy in a group of afab/amab people by a professor/teacher/adult/whatever saying "hey girls/boys!" and I never had that issue.

* = nb people present in a variety of ways and it's not a one size fits all, I just mean generally if I saw someone with they/them pronouns I wasn't like *kicking my feet* I want that

But like tldr, despite alt subcultures and being nb being similar in the idea that you're breaking society's expectation of [something], I could recognize I felt ok in the broad woman gender box while also feeling not ok in a specific gender presentation box. And that's all easy to say now that i went through my Self Expression Arc but it's a lot of trial and error, soul searching, Thinking, crying, observing others... until you begin to get a semblance of who u might be.

But like back to feeling like you're "faking it," ig something I've learned is that even if you're faking it, that doesn't negate your time labeling as That Thing (ie using certain pronouns and backtracking) and no one that matters will be pissed off that you backtracked. We're all figuring that shit out and if someone wants to be weird about it, whatever lol. Ig my advice is just do whatever you're comfortable with, come out to as many or as few people as you'd like to, and if you still feel Wrong ("they/them doesn't feel right to me anymore") then don't be afraid to try on a new set of pronouns or change up your style a bit. Unfortunately a lot of finding out yourself is just trial and error until something sticks.

I hope my experience/advice helps clear up some things and maybe others can comment too if they want, ie nb people that can fill in the gaps that I can't fill. Much love ❤️

[lucysweatslove]

Can we talk about “overcoming adversity” and resiliency as it relates to privilege for a second?

Being able to speak to the adversity we have experienced is wonderful. Developing the resiliency to overcome those struggles is even better. But I really think we need to stop assuming that, because WE did something difficult, we understand how difficult the thing is for all people.

If you’re able to overcome adversity, or do a hard thing, you likely had some form of support. That may have been social support, financial support, good coping skills, certain genetic predispositions, etc (or a combination). The support and privilege you had/have helped you overcome. They made the hard thing a little less hard.

You cannot 100% compare your experience to somebody else’s. We are all privileged and disadvantaged in different ways. Please understand that if you overcame something super difficult, or you had to put in a lot effort to achieve something, that is BOTH an incredible accomplishment that you worked hard for AND a sign that you had some privilege going in that somebody else might not. Your privilege doesn’t negate the hard- but it’s important to recognize it so you don’t negate somebody else’s “even harder.” Acknowledging your privilege even in the face of adversity helps you grow in your empathy for others.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

I kind of think the reason why the Book of Life is referred to as 'extreme' sanctions and why they haven't used it yet is because it's intended to be an absolute last resort, due to how badly it may mess up the timeline. Butterfly effect and all that. And they'd be looking at potentially undoing/rewriting 6000+ years of history. Who knows what life would be like for anyone if humans never left Eden. I mean. No death and no suffering, obviously, but no free will or knowledge, either. But it WOULD accomplish the basic plan everyone knows God has laid out- create humans that live eternally in paradise. I'd imagine using the Book of Life is very risky and they can't account for the full extent of the effects, but I don't think that would stop the Metatron from using it as a means to make Aziraphale go along with the Second Coming. If anything, the chaos of that potential timeline might be even more of a motivator for Aziraphale to follow orders in this one.

that's a very good point!!!✨ definitely would fit the bill of 'extreme', but then again - if it is only used in extreme circumstances, as i said here and @aq-uatic reminded me in a separate ask, you'd think that the stopping of armageddon would be worthy of threatening the BOL, and yet it wasnt? or the fall of humanity, or even the fall itself... but somehow, hiding gabriel is bad enough to warrant erasure from existence...?

this does however only take into account how michael is threatening to use it (i.e. the extreme sanctions are not, in fact, officially sanctioned; metatron confirms this in ep6). michael takes the supreme archangel position, and presumably considers this to be adequate authorisation to wield the BOL as a weapon - something we don't see gabriel do in s1.

i would love to know what michael's rationale behind this was; jumping straight to erasure of existence for a fairly insignificant transgression. it might say more about michael's character than 'the true nature' of the BOL, but still find it interesting that for a reasonably cunning character, this threat is so... little thought-out.

and maybe that's just it; that the BOL does exactly what it says on the tin, and it's just michael getting gung-ho on their assumed new power and station. maybe gabriel never intended to ever wield this weapon because of the catastrophic implications it has (though this would bring into question what the point of the BOL is to begin with, if not to be used).

i honestly don't have much of anything to negate this from within the narrative itself, other than crowley saying that it was only a rumour (which i do think has some basis). but from a storytelling perspective, i do think it very odd that this new concept, this huge-ass weapon that heaven seems to have had in its back pocket all along, would be so blatantly explained and handed to the audience in s2. the whole thing, imo, just feels a little off.

biblically speaking, too, i feel that the BOL in the context GO poses is somewhat off too; revelation shows that the book belongs to jesus christ, and (heavily paraphrasing multiple references here but this is my understanding of the christian scripture on BOL) was for humanity to repent and enter the kingdom of heaven, or face erasure and be cast instead into a lake of fire in everlasting punishment.

now, of course, GO does not necessarily follow the word of scripture by the letter; but regardless, the whole notion seems odd in relation to angels. they... are of heaven; would erasing them from the book lose them their existence, or would it cast them out of heaven? by the same logic, does erasing humans from the BOL during the last judgement also mean those humans will cease to exist? the lake of fire is described as being "a second death" (20:14), but is that the same thing?

basically, anon - i don't know. idk if the BOL is what we're led to believe it is, but something in my gut (and by god has it been wrong before) is telling me not to take it as read!!!✨

[silvaurum]

i am going to hold my nose and vote as much as the next person but if youre gonna make a post about the good things dems have done or the ways they are materially better than the gop, you can't go 'and if you dont want to vote you're a bot or a shill or a psyop' come on. there are very good reasons to hate the dems. there are very good reasons to doubt that voting blue accomplishes anything. obama expanded drone strikes and ICE massively, biden is funding genocide. the dems are also making strides in domestic policy while the republicans are either embracing fascism with great enthusiasm or cowing to fascism even as they sadly shake their heads about it. the democrats in many places are also cowing to fascism even as they sadly shake their heads about it. but not all of them - vote down the ballot, that's way more helpful than shilling for any one candidate - and keep in mind, a vote is not a full 100% approving endorsement. you don't vote for someone you think is perfect. it's not a marriage contract. you are choosing an adversary. you are choosing who you think can be more easily swayed or intimidated into not being AS big of a shithead. ok. so if you're trying to convince people to vote stop dismissing their VERY legitimate concerns with their "options" and stop pretending those lists of good things dems have done negate any of the bad shit in american empire. or that the voting system is basically fine actually, because at least we have a choice between evil 2.0 and evil classic lite. this is a yes and situation. yes the options are fucking bad AND, there are other ways to work on this. if voting is easy For You, do that, AND, raise awareness of how fucked it is overall. AND work outside the system. AND work on changing the system. any comfort or safety or communion we can bring to each other is worth it.

[lampmanliveblogs]

New glyph combo acquired! I watched a few more seconds and saw that it stops falling objects. I also managed to actually get a few decent enough glimpses of it to make out what the entire thing looks like.

It’s one light glyph, surrounded by one ice glyph and one fire glyph. Hmm… not sure if I see any connection there to negating or lessening gravity. I guess light is, well, light.

On a more important note, Luz did that thing I do every other week where I decided that Today Is The Day I’m fInally Going To Get My Life Together and then just never do. Her To Do list for the day includes constructing a fully-functioning portal door, something that took Philip at least ten years, figure out every possible glyph combination which would probably require a lifetime or more (which is not really an option for Luz, unless… you know) and figure out Belos’ evil plan and defeat him. And even I’m not sure what Belos’ plan actually is, much less how they’d go about defeating him.

Suffice it to say, Luz is taking on maybe a little too much.

This made me burst out laughing. Is Belos evil? Do you think!??

Also, wasn’t Ruler’s Reach the name of that book King & Luz wrote in that one episode in season one?

It got better.

The real question is, who was he trying to send that picture of Little Rascal to? Probably one of the Emerald Entrails. My money’s on Willow.

(that profile picture, it’s… it sure is something)

I wasn’t too far off with what I said about Luz making that reminder months ahead. She and Camila apparently have some tradition that they do every year and this being the first time in years that they’re apart for this occasion… it’s got Luz catching the sad. And so she tries to distract herself with working on a hundred things at once, and as a result, accomplishing very little.

On another note, that is Eda’s old grudgby jacket she wore back in Wing It Like Witches*. It looks good on you Luz. Maybe you should try it on. See if its fits. Who knows, maybe what you need to get out of your funk is a new wardrobe.

I’ve seen art of Luz wearing that jacket, is what I’m trying to say.

(*i went back to rewatch a scene from that episode and I spotted Raine in a photograph in Eda’s photo album)

So Amity has her own problems that can distract Luz. 

So today is the day of the Bonesbrorough Brawl which sounds like some kind of wrestling thing, but I assume magic is involved too. Or maybe it’s not at all like wrestling and just straight up duels or some such. That doesn’t exactly look like a wrestling outfit Alador’s wearing there (I’ll talk more about the photo in a sec).

But today is also the tryouts for the Emperor’s Coven. Odalia has already signed Amity up for it and Alador assigned an Abomaton to, ah… escort her there. Now, I don’t know when witches are considered adults on the Boiling Isles, but Amity is what? Fourteen? Maybe fifteen? Isn’t that a little to young to be joining the army? I know Hunter was probably younger, but he’s a special case… then again, he was serious about the Emerald Entrails joining and they were around Amity’s age, soooo…

Amity, of course, doesn’t want to join the Emperor’s Coven. In fact, she doesn’t want to join ANY coven anymore. She just wants to go to the brawl, compete and hopefully win, like her dad once upon a time.

It is not lost on me that this is something Amity wants to do with her dad, you know, something they can share and have in common… and meanwhile, Luz had something she wanted to do and share with her mom. So much for a distraction.

Let’s talk about the photo  for a sec. Obviously, we have Alador as the central figure. He’s obviously much younger, his eyes are brighter and doesn’t have the bags they do in the present. His hair looks a bit more well-kept although his hands are still stained (thought that could be from the fight). He had the goggles already. He’s also wearing some kind of tank on his back, probably for his abomination goop.

If we look in the lower right corner we can see Odalia. It’s kinda hard to tell, but I think she might be blushing? If we look a bit above Odalia, on one of the large skulls in the background, we can see Eda and Raine watching the spectacle from above. On the lower left we find Darius booing. Already Alador’s rival back then, huh? Also, the person with the fangs next to Darius kinda looks like a vampire, which we know exists on the Boiling Isles.

[lioncunt]

so basically i’m just watching this as it’s own show now and not relating it to the books at all. i think it’s fucking dumb they didn’t put a domestic violence trigger warning - not because of the brutality itself, which is par for the course in the books, but because it was an intense level of physical abuse in a marriage.

i’m still maintaining: that wasn’t book lestat. NOT because he isn’t capable of that level of violence, because he absolutely is and he does it against armand. he is a terrible person and anyone saying he isn’t doesn’t actually like his character, they like a version of him they made up. BUT he just never does that against louis. and also, that’s not to say he isn’t abusive towards louis in other ways, or to negate the impact OF that emotional abuse. i’m saying that this was a level of torture against louis that is out of character for book lestat and in my opinion not necessary and in poor taste to depict against louis’ character. in all other versions of this story, louis never suffers like this. there are a couple of equally matched fights that louis and lestat have early on in the first book, but they’re both powerful white men and neither of them comes away with any injuries. lestat in the book is the same age as louis and has only been a vampire for ten years when he meets him, so there’s much less of a power imbalance. he even has his living father come live with him and louis. they also aren’t explicitly romantic in the first book. it’s not at all comparable to the situation on the show and i wish people would stop bringing it up as evidence to justify what happened.

all that to say, it’s become very clear to me that this is not the lestat from the books, despite their insistence it is. and that’s okay! i just wish they wouldn’t have said he’d be book accurate if they planned on departing THIS much from his character.

im coming into this series after having obsessively followed its development for a year. they said they’d be very true to lestat and loustat from the entire book series, so that’s why i’m really confused by this. it seems antithetical to what they were trying to accomplish by making lestat WORSE than he was at his very lowest in the books, when they said they wanted to make him more of the lovable antihero anne decided on in the second book onwards. again, im not condoning any of the fucked up shit he does in the books or saying he’s some misunderstood nice guy. this is a very specific thing that i think is ooc.

i think what happened to claudia was a fucking abhorrent joke. including sa to toughen up female characters and make male characters sad. it’s 2022 do better. again, it never happened to the character in any other iteration of this story.

anyone saying “it’s horror, they’re toxic, what did you expect” - come back to me when you’ve read lestat slaughtering 500 men because he’s mind controlled then wiping their blood on his hands so he’s marked as unclean. or louis beheading santiago and kicking his severed head across a burning theater. or armand cutting nicolas’ hands off to punish him so he can’t play the violin in his insanity. or armand (always armand lmfao) sewing claudia’s head onto an adult body. THAT is the horror of this book series. louis and lestat’s relationship, while toxic and emotionally abusive, is never depicted with outright extreme one-sided physical torture. i’m not mad about the violence, im mad about who it was against.

anyway, that’s my two cents. like i said im invested in this show and i am going to continue watching it and talking about it, albeit much less on here because i really dislike some of the takes i’ve seen. i understand if a lot of my fellow book fans fall off here, i was debating it too, but my love of amc louis and claudia and my curiosity to see how they’re gonna make people want to watch this version of lestat be a protagonist have won out.

[alectology-archive]

This covers chapters 6, 7 & 20 mostly, and in a very small measure chapter 5, too:

I lightly skimmed the egwene pov - I definitely remember why I got such gay vibes from her and avi.

also I was definitely not misremembering why I enjoyed the series so much for all its flaws - I really didn’t vibe at all with sanderson’s writing style and his priorities - which are on the opposite spectrum of RJ’s priorities (and my priorities!). every dialogue exchange is purposeful and pulls its weight with characterisation and character development; RJ also manages to do a shit ton of worldbuilding in every other passage, and does such a great job of immersing you in the setting and the culture he’s currently writing about. I really missed his writing style - but the joy the books brought definitely wavered while I was reading CoT, I think, because you could tell that the series was starting to really drag at that point. I was thinking of rereading the series only up to book 8* next year, maybe, but I’ll probably try to extend it up to book 11 because I don’t remember those last 2 books very well.

*in another post I said I’d advice people to stop reading the series at book 12 - but that’s still a very long way to go so I think book 8 feels like the better stopping point since it’s midway through the series. I mostly say that because it ends on a high point for every character except mat, but mat doesn’t have any high points after book 8 until book 9/11 anyway. rand understandably faces the consequences for ignoring the black tower at the end of the book and I feel kind of bad about negating his accomplishment at the ending of book 9, but getting into book 9 would mean immersing yourself in new plot angles for elayne, egwene (off-screen) and mat. (book 7 is also a valid cutting off point but TPOD is short, so. you could as well read it anyway, tbh.)

anyway. back to the book.

Striding to the center of the room, he planted himself atop the mosaic there, the ancient symbol of the Aes Sedai, ten feet across. It was an apt place. “Under this sign will he conquer.” That was what the Prophecy of Rhuidean said of him. He stood straddling the sinuous dividing line, one boot on the black teardrop that was now called the Dragon’s Fang and used to represent evil, the other on the white now called the Flame of Tar Valon. Some men said it stood for the Light. An appropriate place to meet this attack, between Light and darkness.

rand fully has a thing for theatre and performance and silly little symbolisms that matter to him alone - we also see it when he picks jeade’en’s name, puts callandor back in the stone of tear, starts carrying around the seanchan spear to remind himself of the threat they pose, etc. his middle name is drama, and I love it that he chooses to do some of these things purely for himself. it’s such an interesting character thing. he’s also a nerd (affectionate).

darkhounds are as big as ponies???

oh he’s channeled balefire before? I’ve forgotten the details, but I somehow thought he first used the weave in TFOH - was it in TSR/TDR then? Hm, I don’t think so - I’m inclined to believe it was lews therin’s memory making him misremember stuff because I remember rand using balefire and its consequence and benefits being a major theme in TFOH.

from rand’s POV there’s definitely a lot more affection and concern for mat than it seemed like there was in mat’s POV! he also seems a lot more boyish than he did from mat’s perspective, obviously - and once again I’m delighted by how RJ does POVs so well. the problem is, rand is growing colder & more distant and mat is increasingly finding it difficult to parse out his friend in the midst of everything - mat’s question to rand, constantly, in this book is, “Won’t you stop me from leaving? Won’t you ask me to stay? Will you just be sorry to see me go and not do anything about it?” and rand’s answer is, “I want you to have a chance at not being trapped by fate like I am so I’m not going to stop you from doing what you want.” He doesn’t realise just how subtle and reserved mat is with his affections. I think mat is generally very embarrassed by the thought of being affectionate with people he actually really cares for - but he doesn’t mind being easygoing with random strangers - and I relate to that, lol. I get it. But rand has very demi vibes for a reason - he needs people to be more communicative because he never makes the first move + he also has that “I’m the dragon reborn and it’s better for everyone if they don’t want to be friends with me even if I’ll miss them” thing going on.

I was also maybe wrong about rand seeming cold and distant in mat’s POV because he probably mostly sees the leader in him, the more I think about it. I think rand seems cold because he’s consciously choosing to front an emotionless part of him even in front of mat. the same thing happened with moiraine and egwene - and I’m honestly blown away by the number of times we see rand try to maintain an expressionless face/remain cool/look calm and composed/try to give away as few emotions as a rock etc. it’s a lot!

Not only a friend. Another ta’veren, and perhaps a key to victory in Tarmon Gai’don; anyone who wanted to strike at Rand had reason to strike at Mat, as well. But Mat always tried to deny both things.

so…. yeahhh. the loops and holes mat jumps through to hide his personality and feelings really does a number on the people around him.

“You watch your tongue with me,” Moiraine told Mat, getting up, “or I will find Nynaeve and put her in charge of you.” But her heart was not in it; she could have been talking in her sleep. She was trying not to stare at the foxhead as Mat hung it back around his neck. “You will need rest,” she said absently. “Stay in bed tomorrow, if you feel like it.”

Mom! antagonistic mom-son relationship! also further confirmation that moiraine likes nynaeve even if the latter dislikes her - I just really hated nynaeve’s weirdness around lan and her trying to get him to choose between her and moiraine while reading the books? a platonic warder relationship shouldn’t count as competition with a romantic relationship. I’ll see how I feel when I reread those stuff next year - as much as I love the wondergirls, I think egwene’s character suffered because of her romance-heavy plot & nynaeve’s hate of moiraine seemed to descend into caricature levels of weird in the first few books. I’m not sure how RJ went from writing such a great platonic relationship between moiraine and lan to feeling the need to insist that romantic relationships should necessarily involve warder bonds.

rand asks the maidens to give mat some space and also admonishes them about essentially not respecting their boundaries - fair! but also he’s fully referring to how the baby him indirectly. let them baby you, rand.

“Maybe I’ll ask if I can borrow it from him.” He turned away from her. There was still one he had to check on, though one way or another the urgency was gone; the Darkhounds would have done what they intended by now.

I didn’t get it then, and I don’t get it now - if I were rand I’d be anxious to figure out if the only person capable of teaching me to channel was dead! maybe the logic here is that rand doesn’t mind if one of the forsaken dies, but also… this passage just goes such a long way in showing us rand’s true priorities - he really, really cares for mat. I miss the road trip and I hate that I didn’t finish rereading it before I stop my teotw reread.

(like obviously, a best friend is always a greater priority than a useful enemy, but that shouldn’t have stopped him from immediately checking on asmodean anyway)

[Moiraine to Rand] “I have given my entire life to the search for you, to find you and help you.”

Yeah, this was the line that fucked me up while reading the books! moiraine really did sell her life away to finding and guiding the dragon reborn, at great personal risk. in the end, siuan paid the price for their scheming. plus moiraine didn’t hesitate at all to sacrifice herself to kill lanfear to save rand even if she had good reason to suspect that 1. he was consorting with at least one of the forsaken behind her back 2. he was starting to go mad. at the end of the day, for all her complaints, I think she trusts his heart and for him to do the right thing.

this is unrelated but moiraine is the one who approves of balefire, rand using asmodean as a teacher and generally utilising questionable methods of achieving your goals that would horrify other aes sedai - cadsuane is notably stuck up about such stuff, and therefore, in my view, doesn’t make a good advisor, tbh. I think RJ even knew that - I don’t get what he was trying to do when he was criticising how old-fashioned she was while simultaneously worshipping the ground she walked on.

The White Tower forbids us even to learn it. In the War of Power, the Forsaken and the Shadowsworn themselves used it only reluctantly.

#ReasonsIHateAMOL - the forsaken are tossing around balefire everywhere for some reason! what the fuck. This is why I don’t vibe with egwene’s death or that stupid flame of tar valon weave - it’s lacking any sort of creativity or nuance and tears up established canon.

“That sounds just fine to me,” he told her. “Mat’s alive because of it.”

it means SO much to me that rand listens to moiraine list out all the reasons why balefire is dangerous and then follows it up with that response.

rand makes sure to protect mat here - he makes moiraine promise he won’t take mat’s ter’angreal away. I really like that, but I also think RJ sometimes went too far with making aes sedai so territorial about ter’angreal to the point where they act like they naturally have a claim over another person’s belongings? anyway.

Moving close to the bead curtain, he peered through the doorway. Moonshadows filled the room, but one of them was Asmodean, tossing in his blankets. Wrapped in the Void, Rand could hear his heartbeat, smell the sweat of troubled dreams.

this is what I meant about their relationship being so sensual - there’s something so illicit about the whole thing. rand visits him in the night, looks at him through a curtain, and notes that he’s sweating and having troubled dreams! these are all very intimate details to note about another person. somebody really needed to introduce him to the concept of queerness.

The male figure could link him to a huge replica of itself, the most powerful male sa’angreal ever made, even if he were on the other side of the Aryth Ocean from it. It had only been finished after the Dark One’s prison was resealed—How do I know that?—and hidden before any of the male Aes Sedai going mad could find it. The female figure could do the same for a woman, joining her to the female equivalent of the great statue he hoped was still almost completely buried in Cairhien.

huh, the strike at shayol ghul said that the access keys were located in a territory controlled by one of the forsaken at one point during the war and couldn’t be retrieved? Oh! and the wiki says that these are just two access keys among several others and that egwene discovered a damaged one in tanchico when she went dreamwalking! obsessed. maybe the access keys were unfinished at that point? or rj maybe forgot what he’d written, lol.

rand is still thinking of impractical things like healing death with sa’angreal. some arrogance, there, maybe, but at its heart it’s a very pure kind of desire. he does get to reverse death at the end of the book though - mat and avi with balefire! - I suppose rj manages to wrap up that particular plot point by giving him a workaround for healing death. I love it.

I love that rand admits that he can’t be trusted with the vast amount of power various sa’angreal grant him. I love him, and I love egwene for trying to poke at the boundaries of what’s considered abuse of power and what is not - they’re both such fascinating characters to read about. they’ve both come into power having never expected such a thing, grapple with what it means to be responsible for so many people, and slowly come to realise that even if it’s a burden, it allows them to do good things.

also as a random thought, elayne haters don’t deserve rand because rand would hate them for hating elayne. and so would mat, actually.

I just remembered how annoying lanfear could be with her nonsense about loving lews therin. I love the idea of one of the forsaken being a very close friend/lover/companion of lews therin’s and having complex feelings about killing and/or allying with rand but lanfear was not it.

anyway, it didn’t make sense to me in the beginning that she would try to ally with rand when she knew he’d potentially betray her (although right now, I do think it’s very stupid of lanfear to believe that rand is allied with her and dreams of achieving power with her when he hasn’t ever done anything to prove he’d like that) but I think it’s a good idea that she’s a renegade and doesn’t really care about the dark one - she did create the bore. of course she’d try to replace him.

He dreams of you triumphing over the Great Lord and putting him up beside you on high.

yeah, even asmodean is weirdly obsessed with rand!

[Rand] He pushed away a sudden memory of this woman [Lanfear] in his arms, both of them young and just learning what they could do with the Power.

help, did lanfear and lews therin use the one power during sex? is that what this is implying?

sex jokes aside rand is struggling SO hard with lews therin’s memories. I didn’t remember it being this bad. I think him sort of growing used to lews therin later is what makes this really go hard? his only safe space is his head - he had to eventually ward his dreams to keep the wise ones out - so the fact that he isn’t allowed even that to himself is very tragic! in general, rand is just continuously having his body violated in several different ways. and because I can’t help paralleling rand and egwene, it’s interesting how loss of agency marks such a major point in both their arcs - it’s being made a damane for egwene, and dumai’s wells for rand. it doesn’t make them stronger people, and it leads them to commit questionable acts sometimes and act irrationally but that’s okay. that’s how trauma works. unfortunately, rand learns zero coping mechanisms while egwene has a healthier arc because of her training sequence with the wise ones.

speaking of rand and egwene, I don’t know exactly what I feel about the relationship they have. I didn’t see it before, but I do understand why people were saying they’re like siblings - and I don’t know if I ship them exactly (I mean, it could have been incredibly romantic if they’d sort of fallen apart and fallen in love again at the end of everything - I think that idea just really stuck with me while I was still reading the early books - egwene choosing rand over the aes sedai in the early TGH chapters made me very weepy) but a sort of soulmate bond that transcends romance and friendship is something I probably vibe more with. the latra/egwene parallels have me in a chokehold - and now that I think of it… it would’ve been thematically such a great thing if egwene had joined rand in shayol ghul? or if she’d at least broken the seals herself? insert obligatory AMOL hate post, I guess. I’ve read very few books in my life that managed to make me as angry as it did - I think it even manages to beat ACOSF for the Bad Books title (I think I made 160 posts when I was live-blogging it and had zero complimentary things to say about it).

I don’t get criticisms about mat struggling to come to terms with rand’s ability to channel? even egwene has a very hard time reconciling the two. it’s natural and expected - it’s a common legend and belief in the westlands that TDR and male channelers are people you should fear! the belief is as instinctual as the need to breathe. how can RJ say it more blatantly than with this line:

Growing up, she had been taught that only the Dark One was more to be feared than a man who could channel.

moiraine is just *obligatory siuan mention* whenever we get her POVs. she is so gay.

on a cliff at jangai pass there seems to be a symbol of a snake curled around a staff carved onto it - this brings to mind the rod of asclepius? I don’t know if it’s not meant to be analysed a lot - I don’t think it is. but on the other side of the pass there’s a dock and a couple of ships. this makes me wonder if it was a hospital? would a hospital from the age of legend use the same sort of symbols used in the first age? if not a hospital, I’d guess that it’s some outpost of sorts. rand is guessing that the waste could have been under the ocean before.

there was a ‘silk path’ from shara to taien! yeah, I get why I thought shara was an asia analogue even silks and elephants aside. I can’t say anything about how race was handled - we don’t nearly see enough of the sharans to pass judgement on RJ’s handling of them, and from what I recall they’re not really any better or worse than the seanchan. the seanchan are probably slightly worse because of the slavery culture they have going on, but shara also treats its channelers like animals to be put in a pen so, uh. they also have this weird practice of killing their rulers every cycle or something too? anyway, I don’t like that vibe. I also don’t like the vibe of “asian culture analogue being brainwashed by a forsaken so that he can use them as fodder to fight alongside literal monsters against the side of the Light”. I blame that on sanderson, though - I think he didn’t think through the implications of how he introduced and handled sharans. I still wouldn’t have been opposed to seeing more of them if we’d had characters like Egeanin (and I did kind of like that one sharan guy we met in KoD).

rand is now reminding himself of the prophecy that says he’d conquer under the ancient sign of the aes sedai and is making asmodean carry it. I love it when he purposely tries to make prophecies work in his favour, and I love all of RJ’s interesting takes on prophecy - I need to find that post I’d compiled and rb it again. I think I last updated it with rand asking cadsuane if the pattern would kill her if he willed it in book 12 - not exactly prophecy, but prophecy adjacent and that counts to me.

rand is being very protective of egwene and avi right now, as of chapter 20.

How long now had he been doing what was necessary instead of what was right? In a fair world, they would be one and the same. That made him laugh, a hoarse wheeze. He was far from the village boy he had been, but sometimes that boy sneaked up on him.

Nothing to note about this, really, but I remember reading and rereading this specific passage when I first read TFOH - I think it definitely makes a point of highlighting how rand’s motivations work in the latter half of the series, especially maybe his choice to treat with the seanchan instead of defeating them on the battlefield because he needs their support in defeating the dark one.

as a parting note, I think mat should stop sleeping in his fine clothes. it sounds very uncomfortable.

[dusk-dawn-longposts]

autism according to Lacanian psychoanalysis, which i'd say is incomplete so i added stuff (see comment above #/tags):

I'm diagnosed with Level 2 autism. My best friend at one point in my life was paranoid schizophrenic, and I've only experienced psychosis under intense prolonged masking (months of masking at a time).

I also don't suppress social ambiguity very well in language. When I say something to someone else, i register its ambiguity as i say it, that's why i add many caveats when i feel comfortable with someone, or I stop talking and feel kinda distractible. I don't feel "invested" in verbally eliminating ambiguity, unless i know the other person just doesn't like it, no matter how many times I've gotten pushback from other ppl regarding my caveats.

I think the reason why ppl see autistic ppl as quasi‐psychotic is bc many of us cope with neuro‐typological differences (being surrounded by undersupportive allistic/non‐autistic ppl) by going catatonic, either hyperkinetically—agitation, overload—or akinetically—shutdown. But i assume non-autistic ppl would also shutdown if forced to appear autistic.

Another reason for the "psychotic" label is that the autistic children who require more support also need that support (and their support needs are recognized more clearly by non‐autistic ppl) more acutely bc they have co‐occuring intellectual disability, which isn't the same thing as autism.

Allism (which shouldn't be forgotten as a category just bc it's "normative"/majority), autism, neuroticism, psychosis, perversion, are probably "separate" spectrums that overlap depending on neurology and personality. I'm assuming that there's just a bigger gap between a "very autistic" (Level 2) and a normatively allistic person due to how institutions have only been built for the latter, while only asylums and restraints have been built for autistic ppl who aren't at Level 1 (adjacent to allistic ppl). That might actually have to do with how Level 1 has been mainstreamed and accommodated, but also might have to do with them being less autistic and thus easier for restrictive institutions to make room for Level 1, however limited, and if course even more limited by discrimination based on race, gender, etc...

That catatonic stuff doesn't happen to me very often when I'm around ppl who understand me. And if i go beyond autistic catatonia & into more schizophreniform psychosis, it's brief, it goes away easily (eases off into catatonia) as soon as i stop masking, and that level of psychosis actually makes it *easier* (emotionally) for me to mask bc I'm too psychotic to really process the distress consciously. So psychosis for me is kind of... against my autistic traits. Maybe some autistic ppl are also schizophrenic & would therefore have a different relationship with psychosis—one where their psychosis amplifies rather than negates their autistic processing.

If i force myself to appear or speak less autistically/more allistically, it can only be accomplished through cognitive shutdown or a kind of negative, simple psychosis if I try to persist through a shutdown.

Allism/non‐autism, as a mask, is psychoticizing to me. I'm assuming that non‐autistic ppl would also be psychoticized if they were forced to appear autistically.

I don't foreclose "the name of the father". I have the same limits of "other" (I need help understanding non‐autistic others, the same way, well reverse way, that allistic ppl need help understanding ppl like me as a Big Other).

Lacan could just be labeling the ALLISTIC sense of big/general other/non‐self as "Big" bc he's not autistic and is essentializing the allistic general sense of otherness as the natural mode for our whole species when that's just not true. Allistic bias.

I relate more to the big "m/Other" of Ettinger (transsubjective "presentifiers", instead of the classical Big Other), but i can kind of code‐switch to approximate the allistic relationship to "Big Other" if im around enough friendly allistic ppl. Just like non‐autistic ppl have learned to understand my "m/Other" presentification of ambiguity when they care to get to know me. I've also met autistic ppl who seem very comfortable with a stereotypically masculine sense of autonomy, so they seem to have that "f/Ather"/Other master signifier just fine, so this whole m/Other thing could just be due to my personality type (psychological) rather than my neuro-type.

It's just a different relationship to otherness. Autistic otherness i guess.

I had to learn to put this stuff into words due to being online, but a lot of this can be communicated through riffing with other ppl.

Maybe for autistic ppl, any non‐autistic otherness has to be synthetic but our understanding of a Big Other is just an autistic other. And allistic ppl's "Big Other" is also limited to an allistic other, and their synthetic other is autistic. It's not that one neurotype, allism, has full access to something "Bigger" than autistic ppl have access to.

I'm diagnosed with "Level 2" which isn't "high functioning", and I'm hyperverbal when i feel comfortable and was selectively mute in elementary school.

I've talked to nonspeaking autistic adults through text, and met Level 3'ers (profound autism) and Level 1'ers (slight autism, closer to allistic ppl) too.

We process language similarly. Selective mutism ("poverty of speech" sometimes) when we don't think anyone around us will accept our speech, and we can usually tell when non‐autistic/allistic ppl will "micro‐reject" our un‐masked communication, even if we don't know our own neuro‐type (or theirs). Just like non‐autistic ppl can tell when someone is neurodiverse even if they don't even know, in language, what that means for the autistic person they're communicating with, autistic ppl can tell when we've encountered a linguistic or body‐language barrier bc of neurotype difference.