Welcome to the great donkey contest of 2024
I must confess that I, once again, forgot the date of the yearly donkey contest, so I had to leave early (I had a restaurant reservation in another town) and have no idea what was the jury's verdict on each of these donkeys. Therefore, you are the jury. It will be heartbreaking, but I will ask you to vote at the end of the post, setting aside the known fact that all donkeys are the best donkey.
There were Poitou donkeys, Berry donkeys, Bourbonnais donkeys, Provence donkeys, Andalusian donkeys, and common donkeys who seemed to have no distinguishing features other than being acceptably donkey-shaped. I can't possibly post all my photos, so I have chosen 4 noteworthy contestants (or 3 and half, one is very small) for you to vote on. I'll add that I only stayed long enough to watch 2 donkeys demonstrate their skills, so in a spirit of fairness I will not mention anyone's job. You won't be voting based on how good they are doing their specific donkey job but on how good they are at being a donkey.
Donkey #1 — CHEWBACCA.
Chewbacca is big, and he has ears. These are his most salient characteristics. Each one of his ears looks like a separate fluffy ferret-sized mammal attached to his head, gently twitching or napping. Chewbacca's hooves are the diameter of a medium pizza and he looks very formidable but he is extremely kind. I know the most pressing question is "Can I scritch Chewbacca's ears?" and the answer is yes, but then he will immediately appoint you ear-scritcher in chief and will look very sad when you walk away to meet other donkeys.
Chewbacca's ears on their own could be enough to let him win Hairiest Donkey in any contest—but he is mixed breed, and there were purebred baudets du Poitou in attendance. Their entire identity is "the hairy one", and giving the Hairiest trophy to another donkey would result in massive spread of existentialism among Poitou donkeys.
(He is not a contestant, as I didn't have time to get a good aperçu of his personality.)
(Same for this shiny black donkey, pictured here canoodling with a Poitou lady—unfortunately I don't have photos of him in motion, but believe me when I say he was the glossiest donkey I've ever seen. When walking or trotting he shone in the sun like a freshly-polished dress shoe.)
Back to our contest.
Donkey #2 — UGOLIN.
Ugolin (who seems to go by "Glin") is a shaggy, gangly teenage boy whose main characteristic is being utterly love-starved. Left unattended, Ugolin would wander about the donkey contest, stopping in front of every child or adult he encountered, hoping someone would love him.
I was initially the only human Ugolin did not want cuddles from, because he was scared of Pandolf and seemed to think of me as his minion. Then I tied Pandolf to a tree and crouched down a few metres away from Glin, unsure if I had a chance now—and after hesitating for about 2 seconds he came over to kiss my forehead. My friend was so touched by this moment that she (somehow) got her phone to turn her photo into an impressionist painting.
"Can I scritch Glin's ears?" Yes. He is desperate for someone to pet his ears.
Donkey #3
—no, sorry, it's Ugolin again. It's very hard to get rid of him.
Donkey #3 — THE BABY.
The baby has no name. The baby has no skills. The baby is not good at anything other than being tiny enough to walk under her mum's belly. In the absence of any other qualifications she was happy to show off what is possibly the most low-effort limbo dance in the world.
"Can I scritch the baby's ears?" No. Big point against her, here. She will, however, come over if you say "awww le petit ânon <3" and let you pet her tiny nose. (More nose photos in this post if you missed it)
Donkey #ah no wait here's Ugolin again
He actually overcame his intense fear of Pandolf to come trap us in his forcefield of infinite neediness! I'm proud of him.
Donkey #4 — MYRTILLE.
Myrtille is in her mid-thirties, and did not come to the donkey fair to demonstrate any particular skills or be admired by us, but because she likes to meet new donkeys. She was not tethered to the rope and yet did not wander around to mingle with humans like other untied donkeys did; she shuffled from one end of the rope to the other like a friendly pensioner at a continental breakfast buffet, making small talk with everyone. It was hard to approach Myrtille (as a human) without feeling like a third wheel.
I don't mean to gossip, but she spent quite a while flirting with the glossy black donkey.
I love her. She's my favourite. I was not able to pet her or take a good close-up photo of her but that's okay. Myrtille is like a tempting rollercoaster at an amusement park that you are barred from by the sign that says "You must have ears THIS long to go any farther." I wish her only good things.
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for the amount of time i spend thinking about erika ishii, i do not post about them NEARLY enough
everything i've ever seen them in, they have been fully dialed in. they understand the genre, they understand the character they're playing, and they NEVER. FUCKING. MISS
my current dnd character is actually based on multiple characters of erika's that i enjoy. my character is a witch (like ame of worlds beyond number fame [thank you to the witch class playtest]) but she is also a brewer who grows weed and shrooms, and deals them, and does them (and her personality is very much modeled off of danielle barkstock in dimension 20's the seven)
i feel that many of my favorite moments from erika are often focused on other characters. but many of those character moments would not have been possible without erika's incredible roleplay and sense for storytelling
and when the moment IS focused on erika's character? spellbinding. groundbreaking. from ame talking to orima in the overgrown shrine to danielle getting a nat 20 at the masquerade ball, i always fall into the scene and feel it so deeply due to erika's skill and poise and commitment to the story being told
tldr i think erika ishii is incredibly talented and wonderful
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Tav Banter and Dialogue
What would your Tav/Durge say if they could say unique dialogue?
Drop an ask with the name of my Tav or Durge and a few numbers, and I'll respond with a few lines they would say in that scenario! Or, tag someone to take on the Tav Banter/Dialogue Challenge and see if they'll answer a few of these prompts!
Combat/Movement
1. Clicking on them once (non-combat)
2. Spam clicking on them too many times
3. Directing them to attack/move in combat
4. Hiding/sneaking/hidden movement
5. Taking a short rest
6. Low health/asking for healing
7. Attacked by a party member
8. Companion/romance death reactions
9. Going to buff/heal a companion/romance
10. Sending them to talk to an NPC
11. Sending them to talk to their romanced partner
Interacting with Items
12. Encountering a locked chest/door
13. Picking a lock
14. Looking at a globe
15. Looking at an astrolabe
16. Looking at a telescope
17. Looking in a mirror
18. Looking at a nonmagical lamp
19. Noticing a trap
20. Can’t fit into a small hole
Location Comments and Party Banters
21. Comments/reactions near an Act 1 location
22. Comments/reactions near an Act 2 location
23. Comments/reactions near an Act 3 location
24. Lines said in the Morphic Pool or High Hall
25. Party banter with Astarion
26. Party banter with Gale
27. Party banter with Wyll
28. Party banter with Karlach
29. Party banter with Lae'zel
30. Party banter with Shadowheart
31. Party banter with Halsin
32. Party banter with Jaheira
33. Party banter with Minthara
34. Party banter with Minsc
Bonus (Misc, some companion dialogues)
35. How would your Tav/Durge greet a player character if they were a companion at low, neutral, high, or romanced approval?
36. What are some situational dialogues they would say when something happens to another companion or you talk to them while in a quest-specific location (such as commenting on Karlach's heart, Elminster visiting Gale, visiting Cazador's mansion, etc)?
37. How would they respond to a player character prompting them with, "Tell me about yourself"?
38. If a player character asks them to consider consuming tadpoles or using the Astral tadpoles, how would your Tav/Durge respond?
39. If romanceable, what lines would they say if a player character prompted them with, "Can I kiss you?"
40. If romanceable, what would they say if a player character asks for a "last kiss" at the Morphic Pool/HIgh Hall?
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ranking svsss characters on how likely they are to get an abortion
shen qingqiu/yuan: 0/10, obv he would never if it was binghe's. as far as i know the only major character to have a stance on abortion at all (if he was binghes mom hed never abort him) how can anyone deny him the chance to live out his milf dreams
luo bingmei: -10/10, its literally shizuns child, how could this lowly disciple ABORT it???? hed probably get jealous of his own unborn kid tho
liu qingge: 3/10, he'd probably keep the baby due to his personal sense of honor/morals but if his life was in danger he'd pursue an abortion. the baby might just like. die on its own tho. this man cannot take care of himself
shang qinghua: 7/10, would keep it if mobei-jun asked him to. otherwise has no parental instinct. is probably actively terrified of both pregnancy and having a kid for valid reasons.
mobei-jun: 5.5/10, would probably keep it prior to airplane extras if it was politically beneficial and post airplane extras if it was sqh's but otherwise feels no sense of obligation to a fetus
shen qingqiu/jiu: 9.9 repeated/10 bordering on 15/10, this man gets abortions regularly. in fact he is the sole reason why there is a dedicated abortion clinic on qian cao. he wishes probirther fearmongering was real and abortions actually caused fetuses to scream and bleed so he could personally be witness to his child's 'life' being snuffed out. the only reason he isnt a 10/10 is bc after aborting like 10 yqy fetuses he realized it actually caused yqy more pain if he KEPT the baby. unfortunately the baby is kinda useless (sorry its not shen yuan) and he just. ditches it.
yue qingyuan: -5/10, sj demands that he does but this man does not have it in him to abort sj's child. paradoxically this leads to them somewhat fixing their relationship.
liu mingyan: 8/10, too busy writing yaoi to parent BUT she might keep it for shits and giggles and to use as a reference when writing bingqiu mpreg kid.
ning yingying: 9/10, shes baby not mommy. also shes neither qualified nor willing to parent, maybe in the future she could deal with the responsibility
ming fan: 6/10, he wouldn't want to but it would be forced upon him c-drama style. hes the shu son and the main wife cant stand his kid being the first grandchild. do you see my vision.
luo bingge: 10/10, this man doesnt believe life begins at conception OR at birth hed perform post-natal abortions if his kids annoyed him enough.
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i need you all to listen to me. you know how youtube will sometimes randomly recommend videos with like, 58 views? sometimes the stars align and the fucked up algorithm does something right.
go out there and watch a smaller mcyter. sub-100k at the bare minimum, but ideally under 10k and even more ideally under 1000 subs. bonus points if they have in the low 100s to under 100 subscribers. watch whatever video you got recommended. watch another of theirs if you vibe with it. pick a specific series of theirs that you really like. subscribe to them.
now. this is really important. leave comments on the video or series you like. do a running gag if it helps remind you to comment. and more important than that: pick a story they're telling and engage with it. draw silly fanart even if you don't have any place to share it with them. write a tiny little story and keep it all to yourself. hype them up to your friends. get excited about this person's videos. if they do have a discord or whatever, send fanart, get involved in their community, et cetera, just --
i cannot stress enough how good it feels to have at least one tiny niche thing that's your special thing. it rules. the more you can get the better, in all honesty it doesn't even have to be an mcyter it could be an itch.io visual novel or something, just pick something obscure you stumble onto and hold it close and let it tell its story.
there will always be something there.
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