A scene of foreman telling house in ep21 s8 that "persevering through pain for loved ones... isn't that what life is?" before being followed up by a scene of house screaming at taub in the middle of the hospital hallway that life is pain. Life is pain. His entire life is pain. How he wakes up everyday and thinks about ending it. And yet hes still fucking here and what is that if not a confirmation that house's entire life is lived for wilson
Its so like. Because from an outsider's perspective its so childish. Its so out of bounds though thats completely in character for house; you don't tell people whether they should live or die, least of all if they're diagnosed with a terminal illness you know will suck the life out of them every second they aren't in the ground. You don't get to tell people that you dont have that right but. But. but
House is here and house is in pain. He's hurting and he's been hurting and he wants that to end but its been an unspoken agreement for years that wilson would never forgive house if he just gave up. Wilson would never let him do that. He would never ever forgive house for that not ever
So house is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is alive!!!!!!!!!!!! Because wilson is his best friend and house cannot live in a world where wilson hates him even if he isnt around to feel it. So house persevered through the pain he grit his teeth and just kept fucking Going because wilson hating him is a worse fate than any infarcture any perpeptual state of chronic pain, a fate worse than anything
Before stacy before cuddy before everything it was new orleans and wilson in that cell. House has been living for wilson. House's entire life past the infarcture and the pain and the pain and the pain has been for wilson. He has been living in unimaginable pain for 20 years because its been an unspoken agreement that i need you i want you you need me you want me. I need you here you cant go anywhere You cant leave me
20 years of being in a perpeptual unending state of chronic pain. Years of living under this unspoken agreement, being bound to this contract that keeps you screaming keeps you hurting keeps you gutted and emptied out but you never minded it, you never left. you let it take you because you love him. Because you love him he loves you and he lets you love him and thats enough
So can you imagine what a slap in the face it is to have him tell you outright that he wont live for you.
That his life, his death: it'll be about him. All this whilst your entire life has belonged to him. Your life your death everything you've ever done its been about him for him. For him. And you feel furious and cheated to tears because its then that you realise he never even asked. You gave it to him handed your bleeding beating heart warm and fresh to him on a silver fucking platter and he never even asked for it. But you're asking him now. You're actually asking him you're begging him, you are begging him you're telling him that you love him, and he's saying no? He's saying no?
Can you even begin to imagine-- just a fraction of that betrayal? That humiliation? I've fucking grit my teeth weathered 20 years of pain i stayed alive because i knew that you wanted me to-- because i knew that you loved me and you wanted me to stay, and that was fine, because i loved you too. And i never even made you say it. I never made you say the words because i thought it was something we both understood intrensically, down to the bone-- and still im telling you now that i need you that i love you and now the deal's just off?
I weathered through 20 years of pain because surely you would have done the same for me-- and you're telling me now that your life is going to be lived on your own terms? when my entire life has been lived for you? When ive been in hell for 20 years just so i could keep loving you? You; you looked at me in the eyes, led me on had the gall to keep me alive-- just to sit here now and tell me that the agreement ive lived my whole life around was a one-man deal? That you cant be bothered to stick your heels in the dirt a little, grit your teeth and go through a quarter fraction of the hell ive gone through so that you stay here! can be here Be Here and keep continuing to love me when ive been doing that wordlessly thanklessly for 20 years? How could you make me ask? How could you tell me no?
How could you keep me alive and breathing if you knew that this was even remotely in the realm of possibility? You kept me in the dark-- knew this whole time that leaving this friendship could actually be an option for you-- and you kept me alive?
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for the ask thingy, how bout 4 or 7?
4 - Favorite iterator?
MOON. NO CONTEST. She's wonderful, sweet, beautiful, and I love her so dearly
I do have to say I am a bit bias because I already really love 'Summoned by tragedy but this chooses to be kind' type characters, but Moon takes everyhting I love about them and expresses them tenfold
She was already nice to begin with, that's why she named herself Big Sis Moon after all, and even after all the pain she's gone through, if you're kind to her, she'll be kind to you right back. Which I find so very sweet
Especially with her conflict with Pebbles. Even after all the hurt he's caused, even when it's in her right to completely cut contact with him forever, she still chooses to care for her brother. And together, while they're both still doomed, they have each other now. They're still family after all is said and done and I love that so much
And I just love how sweet she is the slugcats. I did a pearl-quest on my Survivor run, and while getting all the pearl was incredibly diffcult, the pilgrimage to Moon made it all worth it, hehe. Her dialouge is so charming and is such a treat to read, and they way she talks back to the scug while reading every so often melts my heart. And the way she starts calling them little archaeologist after enough pearl reads is perfect
ALSO IN GOURMAND CAMPAIGN WHERE SHE SAID 'My last vistor was even sick' I CAUGHT TEAR. SHE CARES ABOUT THE SCUG, SHE TAKES SO MUCH
Also another thing I like it how she's responsive to how you treat her. Again, she's kind if you're kind to her, but if you've hurt her/if you're rude she response to that. That just makes her more grounded to me, that she's a person that's already gone though enough and she won't tolerate rudeness especially in her weakened state
A run-up for a favoite iterator would be No Significant Harrasment. I will admit I haven't read all of the brodcasts yet, so I could be missing important information about him, but for now to me he's a silly goofball. A goofball that truly loves and cherishes his friends deeply and is willing to do anything to make sure they're okay
I think about his Garbage Wastes brodcast a lot. How he sounds so deseprate and broken hoping for Moon to say something. For her to be okay. I also really like he's talks with Red Sev, they feel like such good friends and they're great comforts for each other during Spear's campaign.
Also I have a running joke in my head that he's 'Green Zacharie from OFF'. It makes no else laugh but me, and I've expected this
7 - Favorite in-game creature?
SCAVENGERS. I LOVE SCAVS SO MUCH!!
Again, very bias pick because I absolutely love observing intelligent life without human (or in this case Ancients) interfence BUT LOOK AT THEM!! Scavs are such smart creatures and their animations and gestures truly reflect that these are intelligent creature worth understanding and loving
They have personality, moment to moment goals, fun interacts, and I could wish them for hours OMGA
I also feel to special when a scavenger/a groups of scavengers starts following me around. I feel like I'm part of a family, that the scavengers are geniunely interested in my slugcat and want just be around me or protect me
Sadly my love for scavengers is the reason why I can never play Artificer's campaign. I can't bring myself to hurt scavenger, when I do it on accident I reset the game pfffff. I can't imagine the heartbreak I'd go through knowing I can't even look at a scavenger without being ready to kill it
If I ever finally sit down to do it, I'd love to analysis the art around each Scavenger Toll/Territory. My goal would be to pick apart their artwork and camp layouts to see that it means about the region's cultures. Like what they vaule in their art, what patterns certain patterns could mean, what's similar what's different, the works!!
I love scavenger so very much, they're so precious to me, and if we ever get offical merch for them I'd buy like 10, hehe
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