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homestuckreplay · 19 days

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kill them with bladekindness

(page 575-586)

9/3/2009 Wheel Spin: Parent Bad :( Verdict: It’s The Background Texture

9/4/2009 Wheel Spin: Long Pesterlog Verdict: Dave Should Pester John About This

Not much actually happens in these pages, just picking things up and putting them down, so I re-read all Dave’s POV sections so far to experience his uninterrupted slow descent into puppet madness. And it was actually very enlightening and is probably a good way of re-reading for character development/analysis now that character switches are happening so regularly.

But today I was just trying to figure out how the fuck hash map works.

Dave brags to John a couple times about being a super hardcore genius sylladex user, and he’s exaggerating, but not totally lying. As well as already having his strife specibus allocated, on p.576 he does a smooth box catch after seeing the fireworks ejected out the corner of his eye, and on p.579 he shows off by intentionally ejecting and then dodging about ten shurikens. Even though there’s way easier ways he could have accomplished that – such as GENTLY GATHERING (5) the shurikens to free up card 5, then taking the box.

Except, it makes sense if we assume Dave is practicing. In the past we’ve seen Dave mess with his sylladex in his room and in the bathroom, but this is the first time he’s used it in the public areas of the house – and with the Dude Dodge and demonstrations of using different words for the same item and dealing with collisions, it’s almost like he’s putting on a performance. On p.386, he tells John: ‘you should look into weaponizing your sylladex. my bro is always getting on my case about it but man its not as easy as it sounds.’

We’ve now learned that Dave’s bro stocks the kitchen with weapons, which could be there specifically for sylladex practice. Dave’s bro, who it’s been implied also uses hash map, could have been practicing the shuriken-dodge maneuver for years, to use if he ever gets into a real fight. (Or is there a league? Is sylladex usage a sport and Dave’s bro is like a former high school football player who’s trying to train up a younger family member to relive their glory days)?

These kitchen violence pages pair well with Dave reading the Midnight Crew on p.329-331. ‘A familiar feeling stirs. That feeling is overwhelming, soul-blackening rage. It's the sort of rage that'll make a man feel totally justified in sporting an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades’ is a line referring to Spades Slick, but Dave lives with a man who sports an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades, so I wonder what soul-blackening rage Bro is feeling and why. It makes me think about how a hyperviolent character in a piece of media can be very fun and likeable, but that same trait in a real person, especially one you live with, is terrifying, and certainly gets different reactions from Dave.

Page 585 shows some different options for hash map point scoring, and I wonder which is most user friendly. Scrabble points is fun, but only helpful if you’ve memorized the Scrabble score system. 2-point consonants and 1-point vowels, which Dave has been using, is pretty easy to calculate numbers for, but certain cards seem like they come up a lot more than others. A short, 3-5 letter word will probably occupy cards 5 through 9, and it gets harder to fill up those low numbered cards when calculating in a hurry. The system where A=1, B=2, C=3, etc, probably solves that issue, but involves working with much bigger numbers, which (if playing TTRPGs has taught me anything) lots of people struggle with. A good hash map needs to be easy to calculate and leave items naturally well distributed among cards.

The most effective hash map, I think, wouldn't depend on function but would have a standard set of 20-30 items that you regularly captchalogue and know the values for, along with ways of retrieving them. So when leaving the house, I could have my KEYS in card 6 and use them to OPEN the front door, plus my WALLET in card 0 to EXCHANGE MONEY for goods and services, but when I go home I can switch them out for a BAKING TRAY (6) that I could use to COOK dinner, and a LAPTOP (0) to easily BROWSE the internet. (If I wanted to leave the house with my laptop, I could captchalogue it as a PORTABLE DEVICE (2) for SURFING THE WEB). Getting to know these items really well, and the ways they might be used as weapons, would probably be way easier than just figuring it out as you go.

Of course, when losing a sylladex battle, you can just hit that eject button for a near guaranteed win. It’s possible this counts as a forfeit or is just bad conduct, but with a sylladex full of shurikens it might just be worth it. ‘detect collisions,’ in this context, feels like using training wheels on a bike or those railings over the bowling lane gutters. You should do it to learn, but some assholes will look down on it, and it’s totally not allowed in competitions.

I also noted on this reread how it’s very common for Dave to have the tiny flashing exclamation point above his head when he gets a sudden shock. This might have happened once or twice with John or Rose, I’d need to reread more to check, but it’s definitely a lot more common with Dave. He could be easily startled, it could be an artistic way of showing his emotion when he wouldn’t show it on his face like other characters do, or this could be where Dave stores his unused exclamation points that he’s too cool to put in chat messages.

Finally. I love the bit on p.581 when the picture of Sweet Bro or Hella Jeff gets knocked off the fridge and slowly floats to the floor.

#homestuck #reaction #i DO wish i had a sylladex is the thing #i make fun of these guys but i would be CONSTANTLY captchaloguing things if i could #i would become a demon at work and captchalogue peoples pens right outta their hands #chrono

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tellioari · 9 months

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Q&A !! With @leafenzo/aka Leah and myself, Eliza

Leah: We don't hold ourselves to a strict schedule, I will say though we are a large chunk of the way done - all basic dyed blocks (like wool, concrete, banners, etc) are already in. We're just ironing out extra features related to the dyes. Also- before it releases we will have a public playtesting period for a tad if anyone reallyyy wants it early :3 (albeit in a quite unstable form). The plan is to release it for Fabric, and for 1.20.1 through 1.20.3 for now.

Leah: teehehe chunk-of-fun :3 jfsljfkslj Eliza: well, for the most part, the new bugs we are adding are things i just find interesting and have a good model idea for. i like making them very large, fitting into the large bug precedent set by the bees and silverfish :3 Right now the planned blorbos are the beetle, the wooly beetle, mantis, dragonfly, mint slug and silk moth! I've also made a seahorse model, but I don't think I'll end up using it in the dye mod. I might add more in the future if I'm feeling up to it.

Eliza: We have a lot of compatibility features in the works - including Suppementaries' Presents, every dyeable block in Create, Farmer's Delight's signs, and compatibility integration with Nature's Sprit as well. I've also thought about making dye compat with Another Furniture, but... that is a monumental task that I'd probably need help with/be able to streamline. We will also try and add compatibility textures to mods that autogenerate new dyed blocks - but that will have to be a case-by-case basis, and will be figured out during beta testing.

Eliza: I would love to make a tutorial at some point! - however, my process right now is very spur-of-the-moment and kinda random, haha. Maybe I'll make a post in the future if i'm feeling up to it. At the very least, I do follow some basic principles with designing my models:

Try to use clever techniques to minimize the amount of cubes used - this creates a confine that makes me get creative with what cubes i use while also optimizing the model at the same time.

Try to be as expressive as possible with cubes being used, no cube should be left untouched in the keyframes of animation.

Keep colors interesting by shifting hue a lot depending on lighting and what kind of material i want to convey (for example, if most of the model is smooth and green to blue, i'd go for green to yellow for the rougher parts)

Eliza: I would like to add some more storage blocks in the future, mainly stuff from new updates and any other random things I think of. I was thinking of making a create compatibility submod maybe, but because of the effort it takes to come up with textures its still just a thought. Leah: If by that you mean creating mods that add new features to squashed, or compatibility fixes, of course! and that goes for our other mods too! :D We'd seriously feel honored.

Leah: For me, the hardest part was just the frustration of it, frustration at the code, the tutorial, or far more often just at myself. Just know that it's the hardest at the beginning, but if you stick with you'll get your bearings and it will somehow start to get a bit easier. Also, datagen! It's useful as can be but gosh did that take me a while to figure out even just the basics of how to generate a model haha.

Thank you for all the questions!! We apologize if we didn't quite get to your question, there were a lot and we tried to pick the most general ones :3 If you still have a question that wasn't answered here, be sure to join and ask it on our discord!: https://discord.gg/eJePAPE27T

#minecraft #minecraft mods #modded minecraft #mineblr #pixel art #mc #dyes #el and l's dye mod #squashed #l-tones #lithogeology #q&a

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thewakingcloak · 8 months

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The State of Things Present

this post was available for patrons a week early! please consider supporting me over on patreon!

I kept trying to make this post fancier and better and more engaging, and then I realized I was doing that thing where I make myself too overwhelmed to actually finish and post it. The other thing was I kept gunning for a once-a-week posting, and uh… yeah that's not sustainable. So here we go!

The Ghost of Spacefarer Present appears before you He whispers, very quietly, yet in a voice that resonates: "Time to resurrect the Spacefarer"

Ok so the spacefarer (me??) was very tired, but he's awake now and doing things!

Life status

We moved! My wife and kids and I packed up and headed some miles south of our previous house. It was a risk for sure. We didn't know how things would pan out. We really needed to get away from our old environment, our old town, our old house. We loved that house, and we'd said so to each other many times even as we were halfheartedly searching for a new one. But at some point that house had become too burdened with bad memories and traumas, not to mention that after the pandemic, we had no more real roots there. Everyone had moved away, the communities we were involved with had disbanded or changed. And anyway, my wife would be starting a new teaching job down south.

We were fortunate enough to find a new house we loved, and fortunate enough to be in a position where we could actually make the move. I'm aware this is a privilege, given the economy and the market, and so I can only express my thankfulness and consider it a blessing, especially as we healed through our grief.

I have an improved office now! This is where I work on my day job (software/web dev) and my unday job (Studio Spacefarer). With my genetics stacked against me, but also with my desire to be able to keep up with my kids and be there for my family, I collected a standing desk, a walking pad treadmill thing, and an ergonomic keyboard. I'm walking or at least standing most of the day now, which has made a surprising difference already.

I was gonna post a wider view of the office, but my 3yo son ran up while I was taking pictures and started "working" (mashing the keypad), so this is automatically the better pic. Them's the rules.

Anyway, in short, we made it, and it hasn't been a smooth ride the entire time, but it has been well worth it. I've been able to get back into gamedev, which has been a huge boon to my mental health too.

Speaking of… (ghostly drumroll)

Game status!

The good stuff. Here's where I'm at presently with Episode III!

The game is completable from start to end (definitely NOT feature complete)

Jumping, swimming, and dashing all work like a charm and are super fun

Three enemy types have been added, including custom A* pathfinding for the sea monster

Two new collection mechanics (one is heart containers, the other will be a small surprise)

Depth sorting and fake-3D, as mentioned previously, which lets me do lots of fun effects

Day/night are now on a new system, and cave darkness is now a thing (I tried to implement this in PD2 but couldn't figure it out)

Palette swapping for night and lighting effects now uses GameMaker's built in layer effects

Much of the game is now decorated

Updated the game's palette to be more pleasing

Better borderless windowed mode, frame toggling, etc. (I'd made a post about a third party plugin I used to do this previously, but not long after that, GameMaker added an official setting to be toggleable at runtime, so I switched to that… much easier lol)

New audio library which has been a MASSIVE boon (Juju's Vinyl)

New flexible debug/inspector mode which allows me to change values on the fly more easily

State machine rewrite using structs instead of data structures--extremely flexible and less error-prone (in fact the data structures here were the #1 cause of crashes in Episodes I and II)

Save system rewrite, also using structs instead of data structures (thus fixing the #2 cause of crashes in the first two episodes)

Adjusted the way walls get displayed in interiors--will make a post on this later

Lots and lots and lots and lots of bug fixes

Post end status!

I'm not exactly sure how to wrap this up lol, but y'all can be encouraging me, if you have the emotional space to do so! There's still a lot left to do on PD3, and it can be very daunting at times.

Next post up will be looking forward to the future of Studio Spacefarer. I'm very excited about this! Keep an eye out!

#gamedev #indiedev #the waking cloak #devlog #devblog #game development #protodungeon #gamemaker

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autball · 2 years

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Communication tip: If the person you’re trying to help has trouble communicating or answering questions, I’ve had success with this kind of approach (in whatever wording is most accessible to your person): “Hey, I know bath time is hard for you, and I really wanna make that better for you. I don’t know what exactly bothers you about it yet, but I would love it if you could help me figure it out. I have a list of some ideas of what it could be, so if I go through them with you, do you think you could tell me ‘yes or no’ for each one?” For the ones they say yes to, you can then use the same “yes or no” process for running through the ideas to help. Also, indicating yes or no can be done through gestures, pointing to cards you are holding, or even “green car for yes, red car for no.” Whatever works!

[Image description: An infographic by Autball, with words in white boxes on a blue background, entitled “Possible Sensory Triggers Around Bath Time (And Some Things to Try!).”

Water Temp (Too hot/cold) - Work with person to find a good temp.

Don’t Like Sitting In Water - Shower instead; sponge bath; wash hair over sink.

Too Bright/Don’t Want To See Myself - Lower lighting.

Bathroom Is Too Plain (Not Enough Visual Input) - Fun lighting; blacklight; glow sticks; colorful decals; bath bombs; color tablets.

Too Cold Getting In/Out of Bath - Have tub already filled or shower already running; warm towels from the dryer for after; space heater.

Water on Face - Lean head back the rinsing; rinse with pitcher instead of sprayer; cover face with hands; use bath visor cap (yes, they make these!); swim goggles.

Too Quiet/Need Different Noises - Play music; watch a show.

Room Too Loud/Echo-ey - Bring them after tub is full; earplugs; more bath mats to dampen sound; bathe (them) with shower curtain closed; hang a divider curtain to make the room “smaller.”

Don’t Like Being Naked - Wear swim clothes or oversized shirt.

Scents (Too Strong/Too Boring) - Look for a different soap together.

Touch Sensitivities - What feels gentle to you actually feels too rough to me OR I can’t stand soft touch, more pressure please!

Don’t Like What I’m Being Washed With - Change it up! Try a wash cloth, shower pouf, smooth cloth, microfiber scrubber, bare hands, etc.

Past Experiences - Even when we figure out what the problem is and are ready to make changes, people may need a lot of time and reassurance to make them feel safe enough to trust the new experience.

And if all else fails, there’s no shame in wipes and dry shampoo to get you through! Do what you gotta do to keep your peace.]

#autistic #actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic community #autistic experiences #autistic problems #sensory processing disorder #sensory

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crimmson · 5 months

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dude I had a super fucked up dream but it was kinda cool and I desperately wish I could remember some of the context to make it make more sense

tldr weird transferred consciousness repeatedly by force and somewhat grisly deaths

I (not really me, but I was playing someone else) and 4 friends (completely fictional people) were at some weird offbeat hotel bar for some reason I can't recall, but someone swore up and down that they saw something weird out of the corner of their eye, and we started wandering a little into the hallways where things got weird. geometry didn't seem quite right, things were getting a bit mazelike, etc.

we hung around a bit to figure out some stuff and decided to leave ASAP, and then things went full-on weird. There was some slenderman type shit, and something was fucking with my depth perception, and there was this tentacle eye stalk thing that looked like it was coming at me while also being 2-dimensional, and it always seemed slightly out of focus until I managed to grab onto the eyeball part

at some point there are just... limbs. severed limbs. and they were not fresh. I remember grabbing the knobby part of an arm bone, not realizing what I was holding, until I swung it at something that was coming at me and I realized I was swinging a half-decayed arm as a melee weapon. I did pause for a minute to laugh at the absurdity of slapping something with someone else's arm. then I went back to screaming for my life.

here's where shit gets wildly out of order because I CANNOT remember what happened in some parts, or what happened in what order:

we run into some woman who I recognize as being someone sort of famous for reasons I don't totally know; either she was some famous scientist or her dad was, for doing some weirdass research

our whole party suddenly winds up in different scenarios, and we all look like different people but we somehow know who each other is. also there may be an additional person we didn't have with us before but I can't be sure about that.

one of those scenarios was some winter festival concert thing, and everything was nice and fine until some fireworks display went horribly wrong and then everything was on fire and people were getting killed left and right by shrapnel and explosions and panic.

i'd die and suddenly we'd just be dropped into another scenario mid-way like it was already in progress

another one of those scenarios was something like a mall or big indoor shopping center, with a lot of glass windows. actually kinda pretty. then a disgruntled guy showed up with a fully automatic gun and started shooting up stuff. I actually managed to avoid a lot of it for a bit and hide behind something, but eventually I got slammed with like so many bullets.

at some point we were back in the hotel environment, and I remember coming across a half-torn down wall or something, and there were a bunch of these mechanical-organic pods with like, half-grown people in them. the pods were a little opaque and I couldn't clearly see the people, but they still looked kinda translucent and like their features hadn't all grown yet. kinda smooth like salamanders. there was something about them that seemed like I'd seen them before, but there wasn't really time to stop and think about it.

there were some weird jelly hand- and eye-shaped things spilled out on the floor in a pile. something offputting about seeing them. like I'd seen them before but couldn't recall when or why, but knew I didn't like it.

at some point, something seemed to falter and I kinda choked and could look around, and realized that the scientist lady was there, and this mystery other person in our group was there, and we were trapped. and this scientist lady had basically forced us to be friends/playmates/dolls? for this other person. I got the impression they were like, her kid, or her sibling, who was handicapped or something in some way and this was the scientist lady's Evil Scientist Way of making sure they had friends. why that always seemed to involve Horrible Violence and Death is a mystery to me. and it's not clear to me if they were actually IN the group with us, or if they were just watching events like some fucked up television show.

the pod people were basically puppets, they were the bodies we were having our consciousness dumped into over and over. somehow, keeping us complacent and linked to these things involved being forcefed those weird jelly hand/eye things.

there was some sense of like, seeing ourselves in the pod people literally, like I think there was some out-of-body shot of us being in the pods, still recognizable but alongside pods of the puppet people. and there was a question of like, damn, how many people has she done this to? because we definitely weren't the only pods. but this also might have been a metaphorical seeing-ourselves-in-the-pod-people and realizing that we WERE them because we were puppeting them. I'm more inclined to believe that one, just because that was the feeling i got hit with when the realization kicked in. If I had to guess the pods were just for sustaining whatever life was in them for as long as possible. whether they were kidnapped victims, or home-grown salamander people.

it was weird, and wild, and gruesome, but the "OH FUCK, THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING??" feeling that hit me when I broke through the haze for a second was *chefs kiss* because I think for a bit there I thought these were just a bunch of unconnected, unrelated dreams. until I think I started to pick up on little patterns and similarities.

also left with the feeling that i'm not 100% sure we didn't actually die originally, and she just scooped up our bodies and remaining consciousness to keep us in limbo.

#crimm has weird dreams

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bellshazes · 2 years

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do it again, director's cut edition because i'm procrastinating writing the last part of the last chapter and it's kind of helpful to review. with luck someone else here will enjoy the behind-the-scenes content as well

chapter 1

The little desk Scar has set up right across from the front door of his studio apartment is covered in them, some of them larger and loose, the smaller ones in what clearly used to be ice cube trays.

no joke this detail is because of a New Uses for Old Things feature that used to be in the magazine Real Simple, which was life hacks before "life hacks" was a term. ice cube tray as a jewelry organizer.

There’s an orange one with smooth, straight-cut sides that fits perfectly in his palm.

i really did write this with the intent of it being the courage crystal (formally established later) but I never have gone back once to check whether it's orange. ditto the green danger detection one later. no one's called me out for it though

it'll never get explicitly said in fic, but they each induce the opposite of their intended effect. bdubs' courage crystal makes him extremely paranoid, etho's danger detection lands him in the hospital, and even tango's rage crystal leaves him mellow and avoidant.

We’ll just go up there and put a little tarp over it,” he’d told Etho when their kitchen ceiling had started to drip. “I’m a professional, it’ll be easy, and we won’t get rained on inside while the landlord takes two weeks to get someone out here."

i think about bdubs' tenure as a general contractor a lot, mostly because i know of very few other people who have opinions about roofs they pass while driving.

and Etho’s always been good with a bow –

historically speaking, anyway; the very first indication that LL!bdubs remembered previous timelines as well.

Etho is wearing his ancient, scuffed-up blue sneakers, and only then because it would have been about sixteen different ladder safety violations to wear the socks and opened toed slippers he constantly wears in the house.

another old joke about etho's diamond booties and/or socks-and-sandals depictions in fanart. i imagine the sneakers as diamond blue high tops befitting a guy who's into pop punk.

“Already hid it while you were in the bathroom,” says Etho, extra chipper. “And now that you mention it, a two-person Twilight Imperium game is tempting –" “I know just enough about that to know you’re just being mean.”

Board games come up again in chapter 2 and 7, but TI usually takes minimum 8 hours to play and is a space-set empire building and turn based strategy tile-building game. I think Tango and Etho are regularly trying to rope friends into playing with them but it's a bit much for most people, and absolutely not viable for a concussed Bdubs. Catan is also stretching it, but I think bdubs has extremely normie board game taste as a path of least resistance.

chapter 2

He knows he died saying Etho’s name, but unlike a normal dream, his death doesn’t wake him up. He has a faint awareness that whatever his death set in motion is still happening out there, somewhere, but he can’t access it anymore, wherever or whenever he is now, in a darkness waiting for the credits to roll. Nothing comes.

the mechanics for what dreams come when, with what level of detail etc., have been winged this whole time. but I definitely struggled to find a way to have bdubs plausibly and selectively remember only the dying, the difficult parts and not his enjoyment of them. there's no hard rules beyond what seems appropriate to the situation - things the crystal might be in synergy with, or bdubs recalling his nether death when he falls from the roof similarly - but I did think about it constantly while writing.

that said, something the characters never fully figure out but bdubs will almost recognize is that the people who were given and gave away the most lives have an easier time remembering:

scar with his crystals and his souls is really unfazed by past life memories (and calls back to hcs7).

tango, who was given many lives for his betting game and was forced to give them away on top of distributing the winnings, reacts on instinct way before he has dreams. when he does, they're messy and violent like bdubs', more tangled with the reality.

etho only ever gave one life for the betting game, and received none. he dreams by proximity and by crystal, by resonance; the dreams contrast and he has mainly good moments.

cleo picks up the dreams easily - her allies also kept bringing her back up to yellow, and she responds at first like tango does, pre-emptively and instinctively. but when she gets a crystal it's off to the races, and it's not so bad because she had a more stable alliance and also she's got joe to call and bdubs to contrast against. she also definitely talks to scott and pearl about it, but it's not relevant for this fic.

bdubs, of course, gave one life and was given several. he had the bad luck to parallel his last life, and so the fic unfolds. you know how it is with past lives

this all probably implies the southlands, post death coffee incident, start having a spate of dreams and skizz and impulse (they are friends, impulse works at the cafe, it's just never been relevant) have a really funny conversation about their parallel friendgroup dramas but i don't feel like i can write most of the southlands confidently, so please use your imagination and possibly tell me about it.

“Say ‘thank you, Bdubs, for graciously offering to buy me coffee,’” hollers Bdubs as he scrambles out of bed. He doesn’t leave any space for Etho to reply. “It’s like I’m not allowed to get a little extra beauty rest now and then, not that I need it of course. If I were any less perfect than I am I’d make them put all that extra crap you hate in there as punishment for your ungraciousness, one of those – what did you call them, Etho, one of those frappucini things –“

I will never let the time Etho said "frappucini appletini" when onboarding Bdubs as a shade-e-ees employee in s7 die. he will never live it down.

Etho hadn’t fought back much, and seemed to enjoy the endless opportunities to accuse Bdubs of photosynthesizing or pretending to mistake him for a large houseplant if he happened to be wearing green, which was often.

this is probably my favorite one-off gag/detail. every single time etho wakes up at noon and walks into the office to see bdubs wearing green and limned in gold by the afternoon sunbeams he makes the exact same photosynthesis plant joke and bdubs reacts exactly the same way and tells him to get a new joke. neither of them ever do.

“You might need to feed Pineapple Pizza for me. And make sure and eat something, will you? Actual food.”

i'm going to be honest, i don't recall whatsoever the rationale for bdubs and etho having a cat is - I inherited it from the original MLL AU posts. but i'm fond of it because bdubs hates cats and etho loves collecting pets and forgetting about them but also practicing talking to himself. she's dear to me anyway

Maybe it’s not fair to resent Etho’s terrorizing when he can look down at his own hands and see someone else’s blood there, dripping from his own sword – but he has never dreamed of hurting Etho.

this bit of hypocrisy was another huge hurdle for writing, lmao. bdubs' kill of tango and insistence he'd never kill etho after killing grian in ep1 show how cavalier he liked to play his own bloodlust, but with imperfect information in this life it's less hypocrisy and more fixating on etho's "killing" of him not because it's murder but because it's betrayal. cleo engages with this deftly later, because she of all people has seen the etho and bdubs trying to kill each other while secretly wanting the other one to survive song and dance more closely than anyone.

“What do you want,” says Cleo, but it’s only her usual level of grumpiness. “Can’t I call you for no real reason?” Bdubs says, extra-sweet. “Well, one reason, but the reason is I just wanted to talk. I’ve missed you so much!” “It is one o’clock on a weekday, Bdubs. Not all of us can set our own schedules.”

my headcanon is that cleo is a taxidermist, which is partially a joke about an au i made with a friend like 7 years ago for a different fandom, but i thought it would be funny with her armor stand ksills. i don't know what a taxidermist daily work life is like and i've avoided having to describe it though. i did interior designer a day in the life research for bdubs and have managed to gloss over etho's work details beyond "computer guy" so that's all you're getting.

“Oh, you’re too kind,” Bdubs had laughed as he built a statue and moved his victory point marker around the next corner. “You’d give up anything for a loyal friend like me, right?”

it's the chapter 2 board game: this time it's kingsburg! you roll dice which allow you to gain the favor of courtiers on the board to build up your city; buildings give you materials or other advantages or best yet, victory points, which are tracked with meeples on the outer rim of the board. i think it's bdubs' compromise of choice because of the medieval and courtier-courting and city-building themes AND you can cockblock people's desired resources with your own rolls. and it's not hard but it's fun. skizz also really enjoys it and tango and etho have more fine taste but also are usually down for it. this has been "board games headcanons with peter"

Intellectually, he knows the dream is pulling from what’s on his waking mind, like Tango’s weird aggression and being a little lonelier now that his and Bdubs’ schedules don’t often line up.

honestly this is my own stance on dreams, despite an enduring involuntary belief in signs and omens, but etho is such a rationalist it fits, and paves the way for the 1% flawed convo he has with scar in LL that i steal from later. but it's also transparently a little self-deluding because reality in these worlds is much weirder.

He had a tendency to come off as standoffish and intimidating, but Bdubs had seen right through him and immediately started calling him a nerd and a softie and stuck to his side.

etho's on record as talking about making videos as a way of improving his speaking skills, which really shows if you go and watch his old content! i was also thinking about (or maybe predicting?? i don't want to take too much credit but this was written at the end of 2021) etho in bdubs' netherite hunting stream saying something about how he used to be the timid one and now bdubs is. they don't change, they just take turns ;)

“Can he? I say that with love, of course,” Scar says hastily at the incredulous raise of Etho’s eyebrow. “Bdubs and I, we go way back – not as far back as you two, but still. What a guy. He’s had a hard time of it lately, though, hasn’t he?”

somewhere in this fic tag is the elaborate au of this au in which bdubs accepts scar's job offer and doesn't move in with etho; that one would be circa the 90s and lead into hcs7, so the resonances build in that direction instead of LL. but etho and bdubs go way back, further.

Scar picks up Jellie from the chair behind his desk before settling into it and repositioning her on his lap. “I don’t want to assume since Grian said he didn’t remember the name but the guy was wearing a bright green windbreaker. Terribly inconvenient for a business like mine.”

if, when I'm done, I revise things I'd like to make it more clear here that scar considers his business one of information more than trinkets. the trinkets are a means to an end of getting favors and intel from people! he likes wheeling and dealing more than anything, but the "business like mine" line could be improved. i'm not allowed to revise until it's all published, though.

Etho pockets the little bead. “I’m not signing anything, but if you see Bdubs, will you let him know I held up my end of the bargain?”

a missed opportunity to drive home the resonances here, but this is recalling etho pointedly getting out of signing the contract he makes bdubs sign when he boogey fishing rod kills scar.

Before he can respond, Etho’s phone goes off and Grian visibly startles, hopping back a little bit. Which seems like an overreaction, but Etho does forget how creepy his alarm tone of ominously ringing bells is if you’re not expecting it.

his alarm tone is 13, of course, and it comes up at the board game shop later. incidentally i also for a while set my own feed the cat alarm to 13 when i figured out how to use spotify for phone alarms, and sometimes i still accidentally turn that alarm back on and jumpscare myself irl. i'm very competent.

Bdubs, presumably, will have to come home to sleep at some point and the coffee will ensure Etho is awake to see him. One way or another, they’re going to make this work.

this line is specifically echoing bdubs saying they're gonna make this work during the LL office scene, and will foreshadow what etho does to make things come to a head in the final chapter. but that's spoilers ;)

#peter writes #do it again au #mll au #just chapter 1 and 2 for now bc this got. LONG

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queen-scribbles · 1 year

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......yep okay talk about Mason plz 😛

ALRIGHT THEN, YOU ASKED FOR THIS

Cut again bc spoilers and there will be lots of shouting bc Mason's route is amazing. I think--both friend and romance--he's my fave in book 3.(Nate's still winning overall romance, but Mason wins b3) Warning: this clocks in at about 2700 words, just so you know what you're getting into. It's longer than a lot of my fics. xD

This is gonna be Kasey specific, obviously, even if all the high notes I love in general. There's just some... flavor to it bc of the way she's engaging his romance. (also, this is pretty stream of consciousness, so I can't promise smooth transitions😅)

The way just your touch helps when he's getting overwhelmed in Addie's room feels like a good place to start- NO WAIT. If you try to bluff about not being worried over the bounty and he calls you on it and swears to have your back. Half of why Kasey kissed him so hard there is it's her go-to reaction when Mason incites strong emotion in her, even if desire/attraction isn't precisely the right match for the moment.

I know I already screamed a lot about the bakery scene when the demo came out, BUT I finally settled on which option Kasey would pick there. She's still oblivious/in denial, so there's no hurt to Mason's "She's only seeing me naked," comment, and no confusion either. Lil Miss Snark shot back with the one about him seeing HER naked (which ooooooboy did that pay dividends later :3) and then didn't get anything flirty/snarky/teasing back (poor Haley, watching this unfold) and that confused her. Snark and innuendo has been their Thing since day fucking one. So the weirdness of leaving it like that has her on edge and makes her snappish and downright vicious with Bobby("I'd say it's a pleasure but we both know I'd be lying" and kicked him out of the station, it was great)and she genuinely can't figure out why it's bothering her that Mason didn't play along.

And then we get him actually using her name when she shows up at the Warehouse soaking wet and covered in plaster mud. Felt a little like someone had punched her in the lungs, she had to fight the reflexive urge to call him 'sunshine' and make the weirdness go away. And then on top of that he actually apologized--for something that didn't seem like a big deal to her, at least on the surface, but the way her heart skips a beat, maybe it did matter--and Kasey manages to actually be sincere for five minutes to accept the apology with 0 snark and explain about needing a place to stay etc. Insert some flirting/innuendo/giving Nate a headache while handing out flyers and she feels like their equilibrium is back. They're okay, they're good, still casual, though ngl it does feel nice to hear him say her name every once in a while....

And then. AND THEN. The Trapper fight. And Sin. and OH MY GOD. Mason throws himself in front of Trapper to protect her, gets zapped instead of her and she is just. Terrified isn't a strong enough word. She doesn't realize it's anything more than panic/adrenaline in the moment, but it's a miracle she didn't leap on that Trapper like a feral wolf. Which is only compounded when Sin shows up and Mason is afraid for her. He tries to hide it when he tells her to run, but her main hobby is people watching so good luck with that, buddy.

And with the adrenaline of the whole encounter, she hasn't even really had time to full unwind and process it before Mason is staring down Adam on her behalf.

Not only that but he's insistent on backing her up. Same guy who, what, six months ago(less?) "found this all unnecessary" and barely wanted anything to do with her is now adamant about watching her back and keeping her safe and then waits up super late for her to get home(whole separate screaming session about him considering this home) and doesn't feel a need for innuendo with her when they talk.

"Thrown for a loop" is an understatement. Flabbergasted, maybe works. For Kasey, anyway. I was having a meltdown about him being vulnerable with her wrt what he remembers of his past, and the crystal(he didn't even want her to look at when they first met) and then just saying a genuine goodnight without trying to get in her pants or anything. AMAZING.

And then his mood starts off weird at combat training and he's gruff and irritated(and MASON WITH A BUN. MASON WITH A BUN) and he's being grumpy bc he can't figure out why the thought of Sin taking her away from him is so terrifying.

The patrol loop after the blood drive is just.. hoo boy. Kasey was bitten on the wrist by Murphy and there have been some Moments with those scars on Mason's route and I got another one to add to the list

just that he's so gentle. That would be sweet from any of them but from Mason it makes me scream internally even before we get to the emotional KO that is

I love sO MUCH when gruff/abrasive characters are gentle with the people they care about, and not only is that happening here, he still warns her that just bc Bravo won't hurt her, there's not many other supernaturals that will care so she still needs to be cautious. (It's just a bonus--for me--that he's clearly affected by the conversation even if he's not sure why :3) And also!!! Kasey-specific note here: Her trust is not easily given. It was a cautious thing even before Bobby fucked her over in college, but him using her friendship like that really made her kinda hold people at arm's length, so the fact she trust Mason(and the rest of Bravo) with her literal life and her scars and other vulnerabilities is really uhhhh saying something even if she's denying what that something is

I played around a bit with Kasey's reaction to the stack of missing persons posters, and even if it's not the one I kept, Mason's reaction if you call him crying straight up slayed me

Just that mix of gruff almost-annoyance and "you clearly need me, I'm already on my way". (the others ask if you want them to come, Mason's just "yeah, I'm coming to see you")The beat between saying he doesn't like talking on the phone but will make an exception for you. The return to flirting/innuendo once you seem to be getting back equilibrium.

As I've mentioned, Kasey has Verda knowing about the supernatural, and that dinner with him and Eric was all kinds of awkward(she went slinky for her outfit bc this is Kasey)

BUT I very much enjoy both Eric's 👀👀👀 when Kasey pulled an "Idk what you're talking about" and a)Verda getting Mason to acknowledge there's a "Something" with the two of them even if he doesn't know what it is and b) Mason calling him on his reaction to the supernatural making him a not so-great-friend. BUT THE REAL KICKER came after, when they were leaving, and this happened

Just. He's essentially holding her hand. And he doesn't think to let go. Mason, who hates and is extremely pained by physical contact(he flinches when Adam touches him in one of the bff/ro scenes) willing maintain contact for several seconds and only withdraws when she says something. (I stand by my expectation Mason's gonna figure out What They Are before Kasey does, lmao)

I absolutely loved the car sex scene(she's been teasing him with that long enough xD), especially bc Kasey 100% told him to apologize to her car, but the biggest takeaway for purposes of this is HE HESITATES. He hesitates to just look at her for an extra few moments before kissing her again. (and btw I ran with each taking initiative and HOLY HELL this will be one of the few times I go with letting Mason have initiative instead of Kasey. Whew.)

And we gotta talk about Mason not wanting more cigarettes when Felix offers to buy the bc that's... for something that might look like a little moment it's undeniably huge. The cigarettes have been his source of comfort, the way he makes it easier to Deal With Everything and he just casually turns down getting more of them. Bc he has her now(new addiction, indeed). For such a quiet thing, it shouts about the changing nature of their relationship and I loved it.

I--once again--played with reactions to arriving at the warehouse bc Kasey's still figuring out how she feels about that so she has some leeway, and I gotta say I love how Mason just bluntly calls you on your shit any time you try to lie about being fine when you aren't.

I will never be over him having the same calming effect on the detective as they do on him. 🥺🥺🥺Kasey has this whole snarky tough girl thing going and even when she tries to hide it, he sees through the bs and comforts her. He's blunt but gentle and it makes me scream...

..buuuuuut not as much as Mason's POV on the building cave-in. :3

No, no, I'm fine :)

ABSOLUTELY PEACHY :))))))) Totally not wrecked at all, not laying on the floor screaming internally or anything, why do you ask? I'm such a sucker for the whole "joking pet name accidentally becomes actual sincere term of endearment" (see: Taviloth and "city slicker") and this made me just a bit feral. ALSO the parallel to the house Mirrors scene in book 2 is killing me. The day Kasey calls him sunshine with affection rather than teasing I will throw myself into the sun, it will be too much. (Super easy to picture one of those gut-wrenching comics using "You Are My Sunshine" with them, btw)

And the aftermath made me lose my gd mind.

Kasey: *tries to snark as a way of covering how much today fucked her up*

Mason: *calls her on it while also being ready to help.* And he's volunteering to help(after sticking himself in a corner at the breakfast earlier in the story so he wouldn't get asked to contribute)

No innuendo, just support, my HEART. Kasey Irene, HOW are you still in denial, you're smarter than this. Though I suppose I can give you a pass this one time considering how much pain you're in.

He's so worried he's not even thinking, just wants to keep her safe, and I swear somehow every time he uses her name it both add three years to my life and take one away.

This mental image. I can't. I had to go take a walk before I could finish, bc the mental image of Mason standing fully clothed and soaking wet in the shower with her just to offer support is TOO MUCH. It's too much, I can't handle it. (Especially when you put it next to this or the "me being naked is more important to you, right?" comment from the bakery scene. She's naked, he's not, and he doesn't even seem to care. my fucking HEARTTTTTTT )

He's sitting with her. Just the fact that he's staying is *inarticulate yelling* enough, but he's in a chair. Not sitting on the bed, not laying with her, sitting in a chair to be with her and keep an eye on her but give her space. And that "You don't have to stand guard" //"I know, but I sure as hell want to." Mason is so gonna figure out he's in love with Kasey before vice versa.

And now we come to the totally-not-a-date scene, where Mason will ask, unprompted and genuinely curious, what you're thinking about and, this being Kasey, there's some sarcasm/teasing in the following conversation, but it's also so comfortable.

This is just banter. They're bantering and playing around and just comfortable with each other in a way beyond what's usually the case for people who're just seeing each other naked. :3

I do love the lingering obliviousness. Sure, Mason, it's that the crystal's not as full as you thought. Not that Kasey's presence/touch helped you recover faster or anything. Even though that's happened MULTIPLE TIMES. (Nate would be smirking so hard if he'd witnessed this interaction)

The whole scene with Roshaun(sidenote: RAT BABIES! <3) and how Mason reacts to even the suggestion of being sedated/vulnerable has me 200% sure I'm gonna want to kill some people when we learn his backstory. This is practically a full on panic attack, like, what level of hell did he go through that it incites this strong an instinctive reaction even when he can't remember the details?! (Unfortunately, since he's been a vampire ~100 years, there's decent odds the people responsible are already dead, unless they're also supernatural. But if they're still alive they WON'T BE after Kasey and Mallory get their hands on them)

The way Kasey's touch settles him(again), the way he deliberately takes her hand and doesn't let go, like she's a lifeline(she probably is) "I asked you to come because I wanted you here" alksdafbalfbjabslk

onefear.jpg There was a patreon short story that touched on that, too, and I really wanna go dig it up now >.> I smell plot threads. Angtsy, angsty plot threads.

Someday I'll make Kasey be more genuine(orrrr maybe it'll happen if I do a Janine/Mason run) in the convo when you get back to the warehouse, bc you know my girl went with the

even if it led to a moment of what could be taken as genuineness, even if she meant it more as flirting. "When it comes to you, you know I am." KASEY. GIRL. Yes, sure, that applies in a "kiss/sex me right now, you handsome bastard" sense, but also in the sense of her just always leaping at the chance to spend time with him, regardless of if it will involve sex or not.

And then you get an actual genuine smile out of him, and more gentleness, and she doesn't know how to deal.

And then we come to this

where Kasey kisses the vampire harder to not have to deal with the possibility this is almost definitely more than just seeing each other naked. "No, no, nothing more than just that he's hot and we enjoy having sex and he's a really good kisser. No deeper than that."

*clutches chest* SOFT MASON, GENTLE MASON, HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE AND DOESN'T REALIZE IT YET MASON

AND THE LEAD UP TO THE AUCTION JUST UGHGGHGHGH

Pardon me while I go lay down and just... melt into a puddle of emotion. The compliment that's not flirtatious. The confidence in her abilities. "YOU THINK I'D BE ABLE TO COPE WITHOUT YOU NOW?" ?!???!?!?!?!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SIR. I'm loving this progression from "it's just sex" to "idk what I'd do if I lost you", but my heart can't take it. You being so vulnerable--in front of so many people--is gonna be the death of me.

my heaaarttttttttttt. "Can I have tonight?" CAIT.EXE IS NOT RESPONDING And then--if you do the detailed scene with him taking initiative--it's slow and gentle and deliberate and he doesn't pull away when you wrap your arms around him, the significance of which will escape Kasey for a while. and there's a gentle lil neck kiss afterwards and they CUDDLE until she falls asleep

And then. THEN THEN THEN *pounds table repeatedly*

he FUCKING.

STAYS.

I am so beyond emotionally compromised by that I just *screams*

He stays and

and then when he leaves he tucks her back in and runs his finger down her cheek without even realizing what he's doing and SIR. HOW DARE.(If she'd been awake enough to know he did that, her denial would have several very large cracks in it istg.)

I have hit the image limit(RIP), so text! The bff convo with Adam is so good, and Mason doesn't deny that the way Kasey "has him" is different from the rest of UB, and isn't sure how she feels about that and calls himself "too much of a fucking coward" to find out and aaaahhhhh this would have been Kasey's "tu omnia" moment if she would just WAKE UP and OVERHEAR the conversation. Why do you have to sleep so soundly baby girl???

Wrapping up with the party. oooh boy. "I wouldn't survive thirty seconds in this circus without you." Kasey, he's definitely serious and not joking. Mason, babe, the "in this circus" was unnecessary bc you've mentioned needing her/not knowing what you'd do without her several time in general already. And he TAKES A FUCKING SHOT during NHIE on the "nhie fallen for a colleague". I think I rb'ed a post yesterday where someone in the notes said Felix must've been in the bathroom or something and missed that to not raise absolute HELL about the implications. LIKE. Silent but very very obvious admission this is Not Just Sex anymore, even if he doesn't know what it is, even if it's just a "something" it's THERE in his opinion. So yeah. 100/10 romance, I need more desperately, and will be sitting here vibrating until we get book 4 or at least teasers. xD

And here are several cookies (and cake!)for anyone who made it this far through my borderline-unhinged commentary 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🎂🎂🍰🍰🍰🎂

#queen rambles #SO MUCH RAMBLES #twc spoilers #kasey/mason #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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mdhwrites · 1 year

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Do you think toh needs a reboot? There's lots of things that I don't like how were handled in the show but it's also painful to give up on them when you think of the better ways they could've worked out, characters, backstory, plot, everything in general.

I wouldn't mind a reboot tbh, but then again you mentioned that the show isn't quite concious of it's own identity. So I guess unless they work with better writers, it won't make a big difference even with the time needed.

The short version of this is that TOH's inherent flaws mean that… No. A reboot won't help it, it'd be a nightmare to try and adapt or reboot in general and it's never going to see one in animation that could improve much on the version we got except for cleaning up mistakes made because the writers weren't thinking about the consequences of their character's actions.

And this mostly has to do with its crises of identity being a very core part of its image at this point. If you try to refine it into an adventure series, into a school drama, into a more traditional fantasy story or one of the half dozen identities you could place on TOH, it becomes effectively a different show. It's going to feel different, it's going to be different, etc. like that.

So the first problem with even conceptualizing a reboot is you have all these disparate, clashing elements that barely interact and never were enabled to properly interact in the show so… What do you emphasize, what do you de-emphasize? Because no matter what, you're pissing SOMEONE off. If you lean into the childish nature of S1 then you annoy people who prefer the darker, more serious tone to S2. If you lean into the school stuff, Eda's plotline with her sister becomes more neglected and S1 doesn't feel as coherent while Belos feels like even less of a figure than he already does. If you lean more into the Owl Family, you lose as much time with Amity so her character arc is going to suffer, Lumity takes longer to happen naturally and you probably get called racist because people already call the show racist for how little it cares about Gus and Willow.

Quick note for another blog: I don't think race had literally anything to do with Gus and Willow's treatment. They simply stop having a place in the narrative post S1, even arguably after Luz becomes friends with Amity. They look the way they do for design variance and demographic numbers and that's probably it.

Anyways: No matter what, you cannot fix the conceptual problem of TOH being everything that Dana wanted to say and do alongside throwing in the kitchen sink. The only way to smooth out The Owl House is to literally smooth it out. Just flatten it into five or more seasons so it has the time to breathe and actually explore EVERY concept and even then… Yeah, that definitely gets into needing better writers than TOH has who can follow through on the ideas they have. After all, just because they would have more time doesn't mean they have the skill.

And you would need that promise from go so the writers could plan that out properly and… That's never going to happen. Especially not for serialized content like The Owl House, not in the current media landscape that we have. This isn't even because the show is bad. Quality has VERY little to do with whether something gets renewed nowadays. And if you want to get renewed consistently beyond three seasons (and iffy on even that) you need to hit one of two different options.

The first is for broadcast television where ease of programming, cheapness, and advertising is king. This is where you get why Teen Titans Go has two movies and a billions episodes. That show is entirely episodic and thus very easy to break up, throw into a hole in your broadcast schedule, easy to make marathons because you can just slap a bunch together without care, etc. like that. The animation is also incredibly simply and the show in general is probably very cheap to produce. Its writing style of literally anything goes adds to this fact. Cartoon Network can probably make five episodes of Teen Titans Go with the budget Disney gives for ONE Owl House episode and it works better for the company's goals monetarily.

And yes, Teen Titans Go is bad. It's WAY worse than The Owl House. But quality doesn't matter here. What matters is that it's easy, it's cheap, it has brand identity and is easy to merchandise. It is profitable, safe and people see it as easy to sit their child in front of for when they need the television to babysit.

The other option is streaming services and you're not going to get a 100 episode contract for a streaming service. Yes, they want cliffhangers and serialization to make sure you binge and continue subscribing even between seasons but that's also why streaming services are all or nothing. You either are so big that you will continue to pull people for months after your release or they don't care about your small squad of dedicated fans.

And TOH… Didn't become a cultural phenomenon. It was genuinely nothing special to most people, if they'd even heard of it, until Grom. Outside of that, it was just known that it had above average animation when it launched and… That's literally all I ever heard about TOH until I joined the fandom inbetween S1 and 2. And by then Netflix would have cancelled the show most likely.

Because TOH didn't break any records. It didn't light the world on fire. It didn't even cause some giant discourse that rattled through the internet on all fronts. And that means streaming services would probably rather invest in another attempt at a new Walking Dead or Game of Throne rather than continue the show. It's those record breaking numbers that got Velma and Wednesday renewed after all, not their quality or anything like that. (This isn't me condoning these practices btw. I think it's a real problem like everyone else and that it has to do with a lot of focus on short term gain rather than long term retention but I'm rambling enough as is)

And The Owl House never had that clout. Ever. I mean, how many people always had to add caveats to what made The Owl House special like "On Disney" or "in a prime time kid's show" rather than the show actually being special on its own merits? Especially now? There is one last option and that's of course a reboot that doesn't happen in the next five years but instead is closer to 20 when enough time has passed that radical changes might be allowed. That's the Voltron and She-Ra method effectively. Except... That's where we get the fact that Voltron and She-Ra were big properties at their time, never truly forgotten and have strong nostalgia attached to them. They pushed toys, they pushed consumers and those IPs had a real value to them, even to the current day but to revive them took a delicate touch because cartoons are different now. And TOH just doesn't have that power. That impact and care. And there is a LOT to be said about how it's much harder for shows to have that sort of impact nowadays but that's beyond the scope of this blog. The main point is that in 20 years, why would a studio choose to give TOH that much love and attention versus any of the other cancelled animation projects around this time? Especially something that did get to do its full run like Amphibia?

So… Is there a way The Owl House could get the time it needs to explore its whole identity and possibly become better? Yes? In a webcomic, manga or book. Animation is simply too expensive a medium and not regarded well enough that it's going to get the time but things like webcomics, manga and books are known for being more drawn out, able to do more with that space and more independent because the overheads are a LOT less than other mediums. After all, you only have to pay one writer and maybe a couple editors for a book.

But… I don't think Dana has the skill or attention span for any of those mediums. Not if she's working solo. If you look at her solo episodes in TOH, they have some really powerful moments and statements in them… And also some of the most meh B plots, some of the larger narrative cheats, show blatant disregard for her own world building and even at times had to have major plot points in them retconned by future writers because Dana wrote the show into a corner while trying to be clever. It shows someone who would be much better on an anthology series or an episodic series than ANYTHING serialized.

Remember, Dana wrote Reaching Out, where everyone just forgets that being a Wild Witch is met with the death penalty and is not just equivalent to college, which is how Amity and Alador treat it, let alone the twins celebrating becoming outlaws like they just joined a special club.

So in general, I don't think The Owl House is going to see a revival or the like. I think the best thing that could happen to The Owl House's legacy is that people figure out which parts they like the best and go on to make media inspired by those parts of TOH. Because I feel bad for anyone who tries to adopt TOH as a whole.

Because I just don't think it's possible to capture TOH's essence without also bringing along its crises of identity. The two are too intertwined and that was always going to hold the show back.

#The Owl House Criticism

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randomisemily · 1 year

Text

So, I’m a new mom.

Writing this on this blog, I can’t believe it. But this blog has been my rant blog for years and years. And it still is. Even when years have passed, crazy.

So yes, new mom. My baby girl is three weeks old tomorrow. And the reason I need to rant is because of my issues with breastfeeding.

My breastfeeding journey is short. But I love long stories, so I’ll start with the baby making process. No, it’s not that kind of blog. I mean, the journey. Because that was, in fact, quite a journey as well.

Before Covid, my husband and I got engaged. We were ready for marriage and after that, kids. I’m not “traditional” in the sense that I needed to be married before getting kids, it just made more sense to me. Practically, I wanted a typical big wedding and I knew I didn’t have planning skills (etc…) to put together a wedding while having a baby already. So, wedding first. Then babies!

We set the date in August 2020. But yes, Covid came along and yes, we had to postpone, at least, the party. We did actually get married that day. With 14 people in total to witness it.

We needed to wait to throw the party until the end of september 2021. Baby fever, however, did not wait.

The wedding finally happened and I threw out birth control as fast as I could. I even went to the doctor for a check up, right before the wedding. Forget getting my nails done, what’s up with my uterus?!

Trying to conceive, I quickly learned, is a whole thing in itself. Tracking your cycle. Finding your ovulation. And so forth. But I did it. And came to the conclusion: this is hard! I quickly became obsessed with my ovulation and trying to figure out the timing. After a few months of obsessively trying to conceive, I really felt like something was off. My cycle. What a long cycle did I have. For people who don’t know, on average a cycle is 28 days. Mine was often 35 days or longer. WEIRD.

Fast forward a few months and in April-May of 2022, I needed to put a hold on conceiving because of gall bladder surgery. I had known about this surgery since February, so it didn’t make sense for me to try and conceive for a few months. Bummer!

After the surgery, I went to see my OBGYN. It was about damn time there was a baby in my belly, I figured.

PCOS. That is what I have. And that’s why I couldn’t conceive. I was heartbroken. Sure, it wasn’t severe. But the future was so uncertain. Will I ever be a mom?! (If you read the first line of this long ass rant, you’ll know that I will).

There was a solution, however. Pills and check-up. It’s really not hard, if I look back at it. It’s not IVF, or anything. But oh god, it was still really tough. You take the pills. You wait. You go for check-ups, get your blood drawn, get the results and you have intercourse whenever THEY say you should. And then… you wait once more. Ha, what a joy. So, first cycle, nothing. Not even an egg growing. No ovulation. Just hormones all over the place. 2nd cycle: yes, I ovulated! No baby. Third cycle: A BABY!!! A red line appeared on my (many many many) tests!

What a relief. What a miracle. Incoming: baby on the way at the end of May! (Actually, she came on the first of June)

My pregnancy was smooth AF. First trimester was mostly me, a zombie. Wanting to sleep all day. Barely ever getting sick. One time, I was sick. And I also got the flu. That is all. In fact, I went on a trip to Madrid while 8 weeks pregnant. Had lots of fun and barely any symptoms.

My bump started to grow around 20 weeks. I was so exicted, yet also very insecure. What if people thought I couldn’t poop? That’s what the tiny bump looked like. I felt pregnant. I had been feeling kicks for a few weeks. But I didn’t look pregnant.

But that’s okay because the bump came around and I enjoyed every day. Even the days with heartburn. And even the ones where I felt like I couldn’t put shoes on anymore or shave my legs (and other parts).

If someone were to ask me to do it all over again, I would. It was wonderful.

I was a week late when I gave birth and I thought I’d get induced. In fact, me and my husband were SURE. So sure that we booked a table at the restaurant we went for dinner to celebrate me being pregnant. Yeahhh, we had to cancel, of course. Stupid us. Labor was fine. Painful. Traumatic. And all that. But fine. I mean, I ended up with a baby. Puked three times and fainted on the toilet seat. But I got a baby!!!!

AND HERE COMES THE BREAST FEEDING PART

So, I had always expressed wanting to breast feed. I don’t know, seems like the normal thing to do. Nine months, my baby had been eating what I was eating. I thought I wanted to continue. And create that bond.

From the start, though, it was painful. My nipples were bleeding. And by the time I left the hospital, I was almost scared to let my baby near my boobs. Here is the thing: I was informed. Breastfeeding didn’t have secrets for me. So I thought. Nobody tells you that your 3 day old baby can cause blood gushing from your nipples. A midwife told me: “you think she has teeth, right?” Jokingly, ha ha ha. Yes, she seems to be a vampire. That’s for sure.

The first day home, she didn’t want to eat. The 7 AM feedtime turned into the 1 PM feed time. The hours in between, screaming and crying. And not just her.

With a lot of help from my midwife, she finally had her breakfast and lunch. And we found a solution for the pain, as well as why she wouldn’t want to eat, etc.

The weekend came around and the midwife weighed my baby. She gained weight! Yaay!

Come Tuesday, she had lost a massive amount of weight. I was in shock. What the actual???

Breastfeeding hadn’t been going great. She wasn’t the best at it, I wasn’t the best at it. But it had been going, you know? Yet, she didn’t gain weight. She dropped weight. My tiny baby was losing weight and she didn’t have a cute thick belly but you could see her ribs. Man, I cried.

The next few days were terrifying. We decided to add formula to her feeding schedule, so she’d gain the weight. And she finally did. But the breastfeeding was getting tougher and tougher. At a certain point, I breast fed her for 20+ minutes, my husband gave her a bottle and while he was doing that, I was pumping. That whole ordeal took 45+ minutes and we had to do it all over again every two hours. My husband felt like a washing machine, I felt like a milk cow.

The pumping wasn’t working and my husband had to go back to work so we switched to the combo of breast/formula at the beginning of this week.

Yet, soon enough, she wouldn’t drink anymore. Was I afraid she’d lose the weight again? No, we had formula now. But God, I was TIRED.

And so was my body. I needed to give it a rest. I realized I barely make enough milk for her to get fed once a day. And she needs it 8 times a day.

I am heartbroken and releived at the same time. I needed to learn how to enjoy my baby without the dread of feeding time. And I have. I love her so much. But man, the mom guilt is real. The fact she doesn’t get to taste the food I eat every day. The fact I can’t give her what she needs now that she’s not inside me anymore. It could eat me up. But, I’m writing it off. She’s thriving on formula. Her belly is full every day. And she’s happy. I’m letting it go.

And I can’t wait to tell her how her first three weeks of her life were like. 🥰

The truth about breastfeeding is, it’s hard. It can be wonderful. I wholeheartly believe that. I do. I always will. But for me, it just wasn’t. I now feed her in a lot less time and, after she’s fed, she sleeps on my belly or in my arms. I don’t know if I’d trade anymore.

I was so informed and had so much help. Which I am so grateful for. But no one prepared me for when breastfeeding just doesn’t work.

You know, come to think of it. The same thing goes for trying to conceive. I was informed and knew all about my cycle. When to try. How to try. But at the end of the day, no one informed me about the devestation of when it doesn’t work.

I guess this is just a rant. But listen, if someone does read this: it’s all worth it. Trying to conceive. Worth it. Pregnancy and labor: worth it. And yes, breastfeeding was worth it as well. If I wouldn’t have tried…. I wouldn’t have known.

And at the end of the day, I love her so much.

#ttcjourney #pcos #breastfeeding #trying to conceive #postpartum

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raininyourblackeyes · 1 year

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BSD Formula 1 AU

I know it sounds ridiculous but hear me out. THE POTENTIAL IS HUGE.

The characters are just the right amount of silly to be put in those funny cars, and the exact amount of dramatic to reflect whatever the fuck is going on in the circus (F1) in general.

First of all, this was brought to you by me watching one of the most chaotic races ever last weekend and I couldn't sleep last night which meant my brain had free time and BSD brainrot is 24/7.

Basic idea is that various organisations are different teams and all characters have different positions in the team obviously, not everyone is a driver. This will be long so the details about each team and headcanons about each driver and team member are under the cut.

ADA

ADA is a long standing team that has produced several successfull drivers. It is well known and beloved by the fans. “Everyone is a Ferrari fan!” in Seb Vettel’s words except it’s “Evereyone is an ADA fan!” in our case.

Last season was a wild ride for them, with their no.1 driver and another driver basically fighting to win the Driver’s Championship in the final race of the season and they were leading, they were winning, ready to celebrate but then an incident happened and the stewards made a completely illegal decision based on their own rules which resulted in their driver losing his title. What followed was a lot of controversy, possible lawsuit etc. Ultimately the team decided to just decimate them in the new season.

Team Principal Fukuzawa was a famous driver for the ADA team himself and is now doing his best to lead the team filled with absolute chaos to the victories through fair play and respect to integrity of the sport.

Ranpo is the team’s chief strategist whose biggest secret weapon are his deduction skills that help him figure out other teams’ strategies. Every time he’s shown on TV he’s snacking obviously. He is also lowkey Fukuzawa’s adopted son from all the way back since Fukuzawa was still racing and he met this amazing kid that started ranting why exactly was his strategy shit at first glance.

That one rich kid that was supposed to become university professor or something but at 16-17 fell in love with f1, too late to become the driver but just in time to go into mechanical engineering and become team’s first engineer - Kunikida. His goal for this season is to build a fucking rocket for the team’s first driver which, rip his nerves, requires him to spend a lot of time with the menace. Watching Dazai go another lap on dying tyres when he told him to box already: “I don’t know how long can I live like this.”

Team’s second engineer was the chief mechanic until last season - Tanizaki. This season he is going to be working mostly with the team’s new driver to develop their car. He once hacked into PM’s database to get all info on their cars. His “sister”, one of the biggest mysteries of f1 really, Naomi is the intern in charge of team’s social media and public relations.

Yosano is the team doctor, fresh out of university but wanted something other than the hospital. She may or may not be having a thing going on with PM’s chief strategist...

I really have no idea what to do with Kyouka and Kenji since they are just 14... unless we age them up and say Kenji chief mechanic and Kyouka one of the analysts.

Now onto the hot topics. The drivers: ADA’s 2nd driver is a rookie in f1 getting ready to start his first season. Atsushi doesn’t have a wealthy background like most drivers, and nearly gave up on it several times but in the end was scouted by ADA and admitted as their reserve driver. He comes into the team hopeful to have a good first season, and during the development everything is smooth sailing. The mechanics and engineers are very wellcoming, the first driver becomes somewhat of a mentor to him. And then the first race comes up and he and PM’s new driver fucking crash into each other on the first corner (you know who PM’s driver is lmao). Fans are having flashbacks from seven seasons ago when a driver parked his car on top of another driver’s car in the first lap on his first race (guess fucking who!!??), and are like damn not again we can’t do this drama again. Went through the most traumatic crash where everyone thought he was dead for a terrible second; “it is what it is.” Tanizaki on the radio: Don’t slow down Atshushi-kun, keep pushing, keep pushing. Atsushi: I AM!!!!

ADA’s 1st driver, the GOAT basically, the walking red flag in the paddock, the most controversial motherfucker on the grid, brilliant driver who won not only his first ever race but also won the entire championship in his first season, but above all a suicide maniac - Dazai. He got screwed over by the race control last season and is now walking around the paddock like a Bond villain. He started out as a rich kid driver whose family invested in this back-of-the-grid-team and he became a superstar overnight. Four years ago after a fiasco that resulted in PM’s reserve driver dying in a car crash because of team orders he disappeared from the sport. Two years later he showed up as ADA’s driver and has been serving cunt ever since. Despite the sudden team switch, he is usually paired with his ex-teammate during pre-race press conferences because the tension is through the rooftop and that’s what the fans want. Like are they going to fuck? Are they going to strange each other in front of the journalists? Both? Who knows. He’s mostly a clean driver but when he does cause an incident, the red flag lasts at least half an hour. Annoying af on the team radio.

PM is a relatively new team when it comes to being in the top positions on the grid. They used to be stuck at the back of the grid until the old team principal’s doctor didn’t take over all of a sudden, bringing with himself a driving prodigy. Nowadays they are one of the top 3 teams always fighting for the Constructor’s and Driver’s Titles. Last season they finished 2nd in the Constructor’s and their driver was 3rd in the Driver’s championship.

Mori is the team principal. He wanted to race when he was younger but just wasn’t really good enough to make it, but he found a way to remain in the sport. He was quite envious of Fukuzawa’s fame when he was younger. As a team principal, he brought fresh ideas to the team even if they sometimes seemed crazy - in the end they worked. Not well liked among the fans but brutally effective in giving team orders. Calls the race director over radio at any minor inconvenience. Sighs “If only Dazai-kun was still here” at least once during every team briefing.

Kouyou is the first strategist. Takes no one’s shit. Also brutal in the team orders (something PM team is famous for, and not in a really good light (beloved driver Oda kind of died because of them after all...)). Ambigous relationship with ADA’S team doctor hmm. Will do anything to have her drivers on top of the podium.

Hirotsu is the chief mechanic. He is getting old but he loves his job so he’ll be damned before he goes to retirement. Is probably secretly no.1 Dazai fan even if he switched teams.

His assistant and brilliant young mind, Gin. Apart from being a sister to the team’s 2nd driver, she is also dating Hunting Dogs’ 2nd driver, Tachihara who just this season made a transfer from being PM’s reserve driver to Teruko’s team. They are the sport’s sweethearts.

Another strategist, kinda terrified to work under Kouyou, especially as she seems to be making all the wrong decisions regarding 2nd driver’s strategy, but hey it’s her first year too! Higuchi! Poor girl kinda thinks she’s living in a kdrama. She is doing her best!

Kajii is one of the engineers obviously. He is driving the other engineer through the roof because he is mostly focused on the next season developments as soon as a season starts, and has these crazy science ideas. Also who the fuck eats raw lemons to help them think? I’m rlly nerfing Akutagawa by putting this dude in charge of his car.

First driver’s engineer and absolute fucking legend - Albatross (I’d rather die than kill off the Flags thank you very much). Maybe once punched Dazai in the face for damaging his baby (Chuuya’s car) when they crashed (again.). Became the most popular PM team member when he once stole the mic from Mori to yell “FUCK ‘EM UP CHUUYA” at the top of his lungs when his boy was making his way to the front all the way from the back of the grid.

Apart from him, Doc is the team physician. Other Flags are leaders of Chuuya fanclub the official race commentators. Piano Man just retired from the position of the 2nd driver (he replaced Dazai when he vanished) because of an injury or something and decided to just waltz into commentating together with Iceman and Lippmann. More about the media team later on.

Akutagwa was scouted to the PM academy by Dazai and his goal for his first season in f1 is to beat him obviously. It goes as amazing as you can imagine. He and Atsushi crash into each other on the first corner of the first season. Stellar start. He is extremely stubborn and rarely listens to team orders which drives Higuchi insane as that gives her trouble with Kouyou and Mori. His first season is set to be one hell of a ride. “Grill the Grid” oh he’s going to grill them.

Now onto the hottest driver on the grid. Much like Dazai, he has hordes of fans following him round the world. He is always so chill and appreciative of them, very laid back person. You are as likely to meet him in an art gallery as in a night-club and fans love that about him. On the track though, he is a storm. You just know the dick is big based on his overtakes. Sometimes it feels he’s bending the laws of physics to his whims when he’s racing. Chuuya is PM’s first driver. His first race in f1 ended with his car parked on top of Dazai’s almost killing him, and this weird image of Chuuya dragging the other out of the car, checking if he was fine (he was), and then starting to yell at him at the top of his lungs. Born in Japan, he was adopted by this fancy French family whose biological son was dead set on becoming an f1 driver and Chuuya followed in his footsteps. Has three Drivers Championship titles, but finished 3rd last year.

DoA

RB Racing of this AU lmao. fia is dancing to their every whim, inventing and reinventing and bending their own rules every race because they are choking on DoA’s dick beeing paid insane amounts of money. The most controversial team on the grid, espeically after a stunt that was pulled to secure their driver’s victory last season. Fans are basically manifesting their engines dying every race. Remember the whole “Red Bull went over the cost cap because of catering” bullshit, yeah that’s this team right here. Their cars are fucking illegal and it drives Dazai so pissed because HIS car is a rocketship but this shit straight up goes at the speed of light

Team principal is Fukuchi duh. Has been fighting with Fukuzawa over the radio the entire last season. This season he banned the media team from coming any close to his team after the Flags kept spilling the tea and asking the right questions without stuttering. Accidentally claimed Dazai won last season; somewhere deep in his sub-conciousness he’s aware of the bullshit he pulled off.

Because I’m not insane enough to put him in a car, Nikolai is team’s cheerleader and one of the engineers. Once their crew messed up Fyodor’s pit stop so bad he had to retire early and he made them all wear clown wigs until the end of the race. You have to give it to them tho, you cannot fuck up the strategy if you forget to put wheels on a car. Unlike Bram, he plays Fyodor very specific music to piss him off during the race (Rasputin or Party Like A Russian).

Bram is also an engineer. The most delighful part of every race weekend is his little daughter, Aya, in the DoA garage. She does sometimes escapte to bother Kunikida - the only DoA team member that ADA will tolerate. Plays absolute bangers for his drivers over the radio. The only normal person on the team. “Box Box Box Box” gets ignored. Nteflix Drive to Survive team entering the DoA garage hoping for tea; Bram: coffee is disgusting! rant

Sigma is the team’s 2nd driver (rip). He gets thrown under the buss every race and everyone is waiting, praying for him to just one day cut his mic and do his thing, not letting Fyodor through. He is an amazing driver if not a bit inexperienced, and easy to stan despite his team. Has anxiety induced by whatever the fuck is DoA doing to his strategy. There are talks he might join ADA as the reserve driver next year, let’s have our fingers crossed for him. Nikolai once taped his rear wing in the middle of a race so it wouldn’t fall off. Yeah the car is several million dollars worthy. Yeah Nikolai used actual tape so it doesn’t fall apart on track.

Fyodor is the current champion although it is obvious he shouldn’t be. Won championship once, changed his car number to 1 immediately. Nature heals a bit more every time he flops in a race. Is he actually homophobic or is he just live slug reacting to whatever the fuck Dazai and Chuuya have going on during press (he is sitting between them). “F1 is about driving, not penalties” my brother in christ you’ve been trying to kill a man in every single race last season. Kisses an icon of a saint or something before every race. Throws other drivers under the buss every drivers’ briefing with a smile on his face. Plays cello during red flags. New season objective: win no matter the cost.

HUNTING DOGS

Fukuchi’s old team. They are usually a mid-field team but with talented drivers that are able to bring out the most out of their engines, they do podium!

Their team principal is Teruko, the only woman to be a team boss. She used to be a strategist and got promoted when Fukuchi moved to DoA. “IF YOU IMBECILES AREN’T ABLE TO GET PAST THAT OLD MAN I’LL GET IN THE CAR NEXT TIME” a bit childish at times, sweet little Teruko until it’s the time to race. Secretly loves her team.

Jouno is maybe blind but he can still see through everyone’s bullshit. Chief strategist of the team and is considering running Tecchou over with his own car every time he has to talk to him over the radio. “STOP SINGING BABY SHARK WHILE I’M GIVING YOU INFO ON ROAD CONDITION”. Fukuzawa, Mori and Fukuchi arguing on the radio; Jouno cutting in out of nowhere like “Sorry to interrupt gentlemen, but there is an actual tractor on the track. My idiot almost crashed into it. Yellow flag maybe, no?”

Jouno and Teruko’s no.1 idiot - Tecchou. Most clean-racing driver ever. Sings to annoy Jouno on the radio. That one Carlos Sainz radio that was like “De Vries behind, on an outlap” “What? DEBRIS?” yeah that’s him and Jouno. Questionable fashion choices in the paddock. “It was just dangerous driving dude” in the most chill voice when Fyodor nearly crashed into him on a turn (it was probably deliberate). He’s like gym buddies with Chuuya or something.

Tachihara is the no.2 idiot of the team. Used to be a PM reserve driver and just signed for Teruko’s team. 5s penality for incorrect starting position; 10s penalty for serving the og penalty wrong; 15s penalty for speeding in the pit lane; DNF all in one race. Teruko on the radio: Okay what damage do you have. Tachi: TALENT. Is like besties with Chuuya. Is also dating Gin, people were afraid his team change would affect the relationship but nah. Still the cutest in the paddock. Retweets memes from fan accounts after the race. Lippman interviewing him: So how do you feel about the race? First pole position ever... Tachihara: I’m not comfortable at all, not feeling confident either. I got nothing but problems. His wheel just randomly fell off during pre-season testing. Tweeted the it ain’t much but it’s honest work meme once when he spun on the wet track and caused a Guild driver to crash into the barriers. He’s just vibing tbh.

THE GUILD

That one team whose team principal knows shit about racing. Can they even be called a racing team? Yeah they can, because their boss has the money. Treat the sport as a reality show. Honestly I have thought about them the least but here’s what I have:

Fitzgerald is the rich team principal obviously. Had absolutely no connections to f1 prior to buying the team. Supports the idea of more race weekends and sprint races even if that exhausts both the drivers and their teams because it’s more fun! It’s not. If we take out the free practice sessions the races will get more unpredictable mindset. Is most likely using f1 as a way to launder money...

Lucy, poor girl, is stuck as his assistant or something because obviously a rich guy like him needs an assistant. She’s secretly rather good with the mechanics and will be recruited to an actual team (ADA) at one point by Atsushi.

Louisa is the principal strategist obviously.

Poe is the chief engineer. Has to pay fines like every weeekend because of Karl. Goes with Ranpo to all his fave restaurants each weekend. Ranpo is also trying to get him to come work for a team with better prospects.

Herman is the chief mechanic. He really should be retired tho.

Mark Twain and Steinbeck are their drivers and are usually the wild cards of the track. Like a podium here and there, even a win sometimes but those races have to be the most chaotic events ever.

I have no idea what to do with them actually.

Media Team and Race Control (basically everyone else)

Starting with the media team. It’s kind of a reversed situation from that with the founding of the Flags in terms that Piano Man was the last one to join. Also I’m bringing Adam into this. Adam used to be the head of the media team which was a lot of work that he’s glad he’s not doing anymore. Now he’s just in charge of Grill the Grid which are basically the games they have drivers do for fun and fanservice. The games range from Driver Heights (you know who got bullied with that one) to Name Every F1 World Champion to Drivers Explain F1 and more. Iceman is the most brutally honest commentator. Calls FIA out on their bullshit at every opportunity. Used to be a mechanic for PM and he misses the thrill sometimes but he’s happy with where he is right now. The famous “THROUGH GOES HAMILTON” commentary - that’s him with Chuuya’s overtakes. On the other hand, Lippmann wasn’t even supposed to be there lmao. He is a movie star, a very popular one at that. Went to one race because that’s what rich people do you know. Got charmed by one the back-of-the-grid-team’s driver and got passionately invested (Piano Man before he signed for the PM). He’s not there every weekend because he is a famous actor after all, but when he is... Sat down to interview Dazai once this season and next thing you know Fukuchi is announcing his team will be boycotting the entire media team. Another media team member is the newly retired former PM driver, Piano Man whose career was a wild ride but he’s just had enough. The picture of him and Chuuya from the last season went viral because he just told him he’s about to announce his retirement moment before it was taken so he is smiling like a lil shit at the camera and Chuuya is visibly shook. Perfectionist really, he has not exceeded the track limits once in his career. Joined the team as the new full time commentator and is having the time of his life.

Continuing with the Stormbringer squad, Shirase is actually a successfull Moto GP racer, but likes to hang around the F1 paddock when he can to support Chuuya (now that Dazai isn’t sharing the garage with him because fucking hell he did actually try to run him over once or twice).

An ex-driver with several titles to his name, Verlaine. He was born to this rich French couple that let him do whatever he wanted to do, which is why he turned out the way he is. At one point when he was already in F2 his parents decided to do some “charity” and adopt a kid, Chuuya. And then they also proceeded to ignore the kid the same way they did with Verlaine and well, basically, Verlaine was like I am not just a big brother now, I am a dad. His career was also smooth sailing mostly. He got retired the season before Chuuya became the PM driver saying how he didn’t want the fans to see him get beat by that kid. A few years later and he is just casually hanging round the PM garage, offering Chuuya advice or is watching the Monaco GP from his yacht with his husband Rimbaud who has no connections to racing, idk I just can’t see him into F1.

Now onto the most hated people - the Race Control Clowns! Chief Taneda is the race director so basically the man who makes all the final calls regarding anything really, from the rules to the penalties and disqualifications. What bullshit DoA and The Guild teams get up to enables him to make a lot of money. And finally the man who suffers the most (conducts the drivers briefing after the race) is Ango. It is the worst job ever. You put a bunch of grown men in one room and it’s an episode of gossip girl. Example of shit he has to deal with. Ango: any more complaints (praying they all stay silent). Dazai: just after my pitstop, Chuyua deliberately, DELIBERATELY, ran wide out of Turn 9... camera moves to chuuya on the other side of the room gesturing how he’ll kill the bitch the moment they’re out of the room. Another example: Fyodor looking to cause trouble: You say if we were missing Turn 2 we have to go behind the bollard, correct? Ango: Correct. Fyodor with a smile: What do you make of the situation with Tecchou and Dazai then? Ango: Well, the interesting point there was, it was very close because what the notes that I wrote said... camera zooms in to dazai’s murder face and atsushi looking scared for his life next to him. So, Ango’s lfie is the most difficult here.

Am I missing characters here? Yes, just like I have a bunch of random scenes playing in my mind, but this is already getting way too long.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #i have sooo many ideas for the plot #except i don't really have time to actually work on it #ada before every race: dazai don't crash the car for funsies. yeah we get it you wanna die but like that car is expensive.#he also probably pours champagne during the podium celebrations down other drivers' back #akutagawa would rather die than do a shoey (don't ask what that is)#the equivalent of dazai missing ada meetings in the story here is him chilling on a yacht in monaco during driver briefing #akutagawa still calls atsushi nothing but weretiger for some reason

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sir-klauz · 2 years

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Finally going to see Placebo this month as a gift to myself after very difficult few years, my Gender band. What I mean by that, is I come from living as a very sheltered home educated kid with not really much exposure to people my own age and whatnot unless they were my family or step family, and adding to that the closest town were also classed as the arse end of nowhere as well.

Before the internet thank fk finally boomed with pride and freedom for trans people, I didn’t have a clue about anything to do with how I’d been feeling since I could perceive myself I guess, and a sit reached it’s peak by 14 or so when distanced myself (already wanted to for years) binary clothing that made my days 10 times worse, along with expectations of gender roles and more. I started dating as a queer I suppose, androgynous person after finding Placebo and learning about Brian Molko and with him being androgynous and bringing expression to their shows about this, about he was a guy wearing a skirt, about queer love, sex and relationships, and helping me find pieces together and smooth my brain ache from not fitting with the binary and expectations I was pressured to endure masquerading as a cis het.

This later on, by about 16 (came out at 17 or end of 16 and figured I was bi when I was 16 properly and came out), (around the time I noticed the boom in acceptance for us and community building finding one another online) paved the way to finally realising to the full extent of what I 100% am, and which is a bisexual/queer/gay man who cross dresses regularly and enjoys it but remains happy with his masculinity and femininity but is very much the soul of a man who enjoys divine clothing if it wasn’t for the difficulty of expressing that freely in life (got assaulted over it and abused in the past for it or not accepted by loved ones all so it made me less confident at points) and sexually correctly and have been mostly ever since unless I was being abused into performing once again as my assigned gender with the promises of “I’ll love you more now/ill love you that way/I am not gay, but if you’re straight edge binary I will date you/I’ll date you, build the bond, then try convert you to being binary for my own sake/I see you as my Brother from a partner whilst they were dating me, ew, to try and get rid of my cross dressing etc. or enforce it beyond what I was comfortable with for my own presentation or not idk tbh they didn’t wanna be classed as gay either”. It’s been a whirlwind on that level but I found people absolutely not like this to continue on the dating path and whatnot which lead to the discovery I was polyamorous and unfortunately met a couple of people who said they were poly but just cheated on me or tried cheating on their partners with me and expecting everyone to just Be Hurt at their cheating whims. Poly people are not cheaters. Keep that in mind. We won’t cheat with you if we are practicing polyamory how it’s meant to be done. I’ve gone onto a tangent a little but in my head it relates to my sexuality as well and coming out in other ways so I included it.

So this band means a lot, on the level MCR does to me and if you have been around for a while and know me, you know how much I adore that band as well. It’s even more great that MCR are also pioneering lgbtqia+ rights as well as once again expressing their own part in the community and how they feel and dressing how they want to.

I’m very excited, I just need to dig out some of my old skirts now and do ye olde makeup. 💄 I cannnotttt wait. That’s two gigs for the first time in years and I am Living that it’s two bands that mean the world to me and help with my understanding of myself and growing up with things I love in a town or village that just don’t really accept, support or understand it. That one goth andro dude in a skirt at the park with his mates who were all hippies or wore mainstream stuff, it Did Not Work but they loved me during that time even though they had no idea what was going on aha, and eventually a few others came out and that’s what I feel privileged for, that I can pass on what I know too and be the arms they can come out to when they aren’t getting that anywhere else in sheltered or fascist filled places around the world. I try do so online, no so much anymore and I can’t put into my activism as much as I’m a tired parent now but I do try here and there as they’re my firm beliefs I hold dear, and they supported me when I had nothing. Nothing in a sense of nothing to understand what was happening that was killing me, or people who even got it, but I’ve found a few more and learned a lot, and many on the internet, and it’s been wonderful to of found this band funnily enough suggested to me by someone who wasn’t even keen on me coming out in the first place but I think she got over it. Charming young man in a skirt and eyeliner? It’s not that hard to sway a beautiful lady that way haha.

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tearsofcalamity · 5 months

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lowkey! don't know what it means to transfer to a bachelor's program i googled it and still couldn't connect the dots to my country's educational system so the clown nose for me! but whatever it means i wish luck & courage the only 2 things you need in uni really. as for me, end of the semester means Shit, I've Been Bullshitting Around For A Whole 5 Months, And Now I Kinda Need To Get 4 Assignments Done, Pick Up The Textbooks I Should've Gotten 3 Months Ago, And Figure Out What Fucking Classes I'm Even Enrolled In For Exams. so double clown nose.

btw i think i might rlly need to get back to hsr bc who is boothill!!! why are we fucking a robot (?)!! why's his name that!!???

ooh sorry!! lemme explain a bit!! I'm american and we and some other countries use a degree program so like it goes associate's degree which usually takes like 2 years, bachelor's degree which takes like 4, and master's which can take a varying amount of years depending on what subject it's for!

I'm currently in community college which usually focuses on associate's degrees. I've been in my program for 2 years so I'm graduating with a business administration and economics degree in just a week after finals :) then I'll be transferring to a new college that has bachelor's degrees available, because my current one doesn't have bachelor's only associate's. but I'll only be going to the new college for 2 years because technically I already "completed" the requirements for the first 2 years. it's a little weird/complex sorry for the rant!! I hope that kinda made sense!

I AM WISHING YOU LUCK & COURAGE AS WELL!! I'm also wishing you ease in all those tasks ;;; that sounds like a lot but I'm sure you can get through it!! final stretch!!!

ALSO YESSS!!! PLEASE get back into hsr I'll go and put an image of him down here but boothill's a galaxy ranger which is a faction in hsr that follows the hunt and is basically a vigilante group. he's a dashing cyborg cowboy w a silky smooth voice <3 <3 <3 his backstory is VERY sad too. he just appeared in the recent update BUT he's been leaked for a while I think since back in like january ish (?) I ADORE HIM AND I DIDNT THINK I WOULD SOOOO IT SUCKS CAUSE IM GONNA NEED TO SPEND MONEY ON PULLING HIM LOL

also I should note he cant swear LOL he got his translation implant fucked with so every curse word is replaced w something safe like fuck = fudge, son of a bitch = son of a nice lady etc.

also also! his name is a reference to cemeteries made for gunslingers in the 19th/20th centuries of western america. it's a reference to how they "died with their boots on" hence the name boot hill

here he is oughghghghgh <3 <3 <3

#always a delight talking to u anonnie <3 #thank u for the ask!!#I hope uni goes all good!!! please feel free to keep talkin abt it if u ever wanna #ALSO GET INTO HSR AGAINNNN LETS TALK BOOTHILL LOL #I like him in the same way I like wrio #in that I originally didnt care #but then once he came out #OUGH #katze's secret corner #anon #katze rambles

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aimeefilms1 · 5 months

Text

Tim, Sean, Mira & Mars

Pre-production - Planning

Following the process of finding inspiration through research and moodboards came the physical planning. When it came to creating the shotlist, I had several meetings about what shots would be included with Robbie, who had a very clear vision of how every scene would visually transition, as there is a large focus on the tone and rhythm in the writing. The script plays like a dance almost, and so a lot of the shots became very focused on movement; whip pans, Dolly shots moving in/out/sideways, etc. I found it useful to loosely annotate the script with the ideas we had for the shots. When I first finished the shot list, myself Robbie and Rosie sat down and discussed the shots, condensing any that could be condensed and figuring out what would be realistically achievable in our time scale for shooting on location. The filmhouse allowed us to shoot from Monday to Friday 9am-5pm, which was incredibly generous and trusting, but meant there would have to be a culling when it came to the initially giant and very ambitious Shotlist (I think it was nearing 100 shots). Robbie and Rosie cut down the shot list and we were left with a far more doable and less daunting shooting schedule (created by Rosie, who took on so much more than just sound for this film- thank you!!).

During the planning there was a lot of discussion over the feasibility of certain shots/setups. There were glaring issues with time restrictions, equipment limitations, physical space (thinking of the tiny projection room) and crew numbers. The equipment booking process was not completely smooth sailing, as to be expected, so there had to be a lot of compromise with which equipment we would use and also how long we had some items for. I decided to shoot on the Black magic URSA for this film as I hadn’t been trained on the Alexa the prior semester (something I so wish I had done). I was confident with this decision because I had used the URSA on Dormouse and felt comfortable in my ability to operate the camera as well as create the cinematography I wanted to using the URSA and it’s prime lens kit.

The lighting was a precarious and difficult thing to figure out because we were shooting on location at the filmhouse. This meant we couldn’t just come in with our lights to test the location for the optimal lighting set ups. This was frustrating as it was difficult for me to imagine how the lights would fare in the environment of the filmhouse: its auditorium, booking office, cafe and the projection rooms. After working on Orla & Katie’s film Saint Catherine’s doing production design, I learned about the magic that is the Amaran❤️ a really powerful LED light that would save us entirely when we discovered the lights in the main auditorium were broken and couldn’t be used. The amaran was bright enough to light the entire room, both saving us setting up equipment in the dark and also giving the perfect bounce on the ceiling to light the space for the shots we had planned. I’ll discuss lighting more in my post about the actual shoot, but it was a big challenge for me to say the least.

Unfortunately, aside from the test shoot, I wasn’t able to do any camera tests due to a lot of logistical, scheduling and planning blunders on my end, as well as some personal stuff I had going on. This is something I feel regret over as I know it would have made it far easier to go into the shoot knowing exactly what I was doing, especially with movement. We luckily managed to do some recces at the filmhouse prior to shooting though, which was useful in envisioning the shots. I took about a hundred pictures of the rooms we were going to film in, and discussed with Robbie how to best use the space for the shots we wanted and also to make the most of what was a pretty much fully dressed set already. We also had to measure the projection room space to figure out if it was possible to do the long take Dolly shot Robbie wanted for scene 6. The initial conclusion was that it would be too tight a space to fit the tracks and that we’d have to compromise and use the tango rolling slider. This actually proved to be wrong when it came to the shoot, and incidentally we couldn’t book the slider so had to try the Dolly tracks anyway. The biggest concern for me during the recce was once again the lighting, especially in the cafe bar which had awful house lights and visually obstructive beams and decor that didn’t at all converge with the aesthetic and visual story in mind for TSMM. Retrospectively I would have suggested creating an entirely different lighting setup or more dressed set for the cafe scene as I was not happy with how the shots were filmed in that space turned out. I think if had I had the capacity at the time, I would have taken some initiative to solve the problems I had with these kinds of details. Another unfortunate matter is that we didn’t have a production designer for the film, and it was apparent in some scenes. The crew helped out loads with set design particularly Robbie and Rosie, who took on several more roles than they signed up for as there was several issues with lack of availability of crew and roles that hadn’t been filled. I am so impressed at their willingness and dedication to creating this film, I know it wouldn’t have been possible if they weren’t so involved in the entire process.

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