#but yeah im just listening to music rn to try and not have an anxiety attack

[vanillabat99]

I freaked myself out a little too much today so I'm not getting any sleep. I've decided to pass the time by finding music on the internet! If you have any recommendations, send them my way!! I really like early 2000s style indie music, the crunchier the better!! Otherwise I'm open to anything ^-^

[maggotlipstick]

Might fuck around and listen to breaking benjamin for the first time since I was like 11

[iwadori]

Haikyu boys when they take a joke/prank too far (Iwaizumi,Daichi)

Word count: 1.9K

Genre:angst,fluff

AN: In the spirit of April Fools I tried to make my first work based on that I hope you enjoy!! (LOL I can’t actually believe this was the first thing I’ve ever written)

Iwaizumi:

“Okay so it’s April Fools Day who are we going to prank?” asked Makki “One of the first years?”

“Do we have to prank someone this year..” replied Iwaizumi “so childish”

“Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa said “Don’t be such a spoil sport.”

“Anyways, it can’t be a first year they’re boring to prank a first year coach will be mad at us, we need someone else.”

Just then, you enter the gym, catching their eye as you approach the group sitting on Iwaizumi’s lap “Hey babe, I can still come over to yours to study right?” you ask.

“Yeah of course, practice finishes early so I'll be there before you.” He said

“Alright, see you then bye babe, bye guys” you said, giving Iwaizumi a kiss on the cheek sauntering off and waving at Makki, Mattsun and Oikawa.

“bye Y/N!” They teasingly responded in unison making you laugh.

As they watched you leave, it seemed as if a lightbulb pinged off in all of their heads (besides Iwaizumi) realizing who would be a great person to prank.  

After a lot of convincing, they finally got Iwaizumi in on the ‘harmless’ plan, all they needed to do now is wait on your arrival.

You’re finally done with school after a long and tiring day of exams upon exams and wanting nothing more than to cuddle with your boyfriend (after he teaches you Pythagoras theorem of course.) You did think he was acting weird when you met him this morning in the gym and throughout break and lunch but you just concluded that it was because he was having an ‘off’ day.

You reached his house and used a copy of his key that he gave you to enter we just enter houses up in this bitch  calling out his name “Zumi-babe, I'm here...”  

“Lets get this shit over with” you said tiredly

Upon entering, you notice none of the lights being on or curtains drawn ‘odd’ you think. You go upstairs going straight to his room hopefully to find your boyfriend in his bed or on his Xbox or something. To your surprise his bedroom door was somehow locked shut (even though not having a lock on his door anyways.) Suddenly, you hear creaks slowly trailing up the stairs and an eerie feeling surrounds you... now you start to feel pretty panicked jiggling the door handle to Iwaizumi’s door as it’s practically the only place you can go.

AN: I hate what I’m writing rn but onwards we right

The footsteps on the stairs start to quicken, and you almost certain that you felt something brush pass your shoulder only adding onto the panic and anxiety that you already feel. Ok, the footsteps on the stairs are basically right near you, so doing the only logical thing you can do you body slam the ‘person’ on the stairs as you motherfuckin should  as tears fill your eyes and you pick up bag bolting through the front door, slamming it shut now in full tears and shakingly scared.

You look behind you and see Iwaizumi’s front door re-open and out comes the ‘iNFaMouS sEiJOh fOuR’ in tears... of laughter. It seems that the boys were in laughing fits that their prank ‘payed off’ getting a reaction out of you. You couldn’t see Iwaizumi’s reaction, but you didn’t care you were hurt, annoyed and wanting to get into your bed.

Once you get home, you decide to block your so called ‘friends’ who decided to make you scared shitless and ignored Iwaizumi’s messages asking “where were you today”.... the AUDACITY.  

The next day, the boy’s seemed to realize the consequences of their actions after spending the whole day trying to get your attention only to be straight up ignored. Iwaizumi is immensely regretful after all his efforts to try talking to you were denied, he decided after his practice he was going to get you to talk to him or at least get you to listen to his apologies on what happened yesterday evening.

You left your clubroom and made your way to the school gate to go home.

“Y/N!” shouted Iwaizumi touching your shoulder making you flinch ‘wow did we really scare her that bad?”  

“What do you want iwa?” You asked very agitated

“Y/N I just want to apologize for yesterday, since it was April fools day and all the boys really wanted to prank someone and I-it just happened to be-”

“It just happened to be me. Right?” you interrupted “Gosh Iwaizumi, I was really scared.. I already had a tiring day and all I wanted was my boyfriend to teach me the stupid Pythagoras Theorem and cuddle me afterwards, but no you and your friends just had to be dicks for a day” you turn around planning to walk away before he grabs you again  

“Wait! Just wait y/n, im sorry and I wont ever prank you like that again” he pleaded

“.. and i’ll help you study?” he added pulling the sweetest face of all time to try and convince you  

“ugh, fine stop pulling that face... and you better teach me Pythagoras Theorem” you said rolling your eyes

“yeah yeah whatever you say y/n” he said pulling you under his arm and walking in the direction of his house.

A/N: WOW I DID NOT like the way this turned out but its my first official thing that I wrote hopefully HOPEFULLY MY WORK IMPROVES (I THINK IT WILL) SO please join me on this ‘ride’ in improving my work  

Daichi:

You decided this morning that you were NOT going to participate in your annual April Day Fool’s prank with Tanaka and Noya... only because of your not-so new boyfriend Daichi saying he didn’t need his teammates corrupting you any longer so you decided to not get involved. With that being said you wouldn’t even think of your boyfriend pulling a prank on you so you didn’t think you’re getting pranked today.

In the gym, the boys were doing the usual: Hinata and Kageyama running after eachother, Tanaka and Noya oogling Kiyoko, Tsukishima listening to music, Yama and Yachi going over club schedules whilst Daichi sat with Sugawara and Asahi.

“So are you pranking anyone today?” sugawara asked

“Pranking someone, isn’t that a bit too juvenile suga?” Asahi replied

“Not you silly, Daichi” said sugawara “With Y/N on his arm they always have to stay on eachothers toes right..she’s a ‘jokester’ right?”

“...right?” Daichi hadn’t thought of it that way, he did know of all your joking escapades before you even got together and how you still liked to joke around now as you date.. He didn’t want you to think that you thought he was too boring for you ?

“Ok. What type of prank should I pull on her..”

Daichi, Sugawara and Asahi (who didn’t really contribute to Suga’s scheming) made a plan for you to meet him at the gym locker with the claims that he had a ‘surprise’ for you .. oh how he was wrong.

Daichi: meet me at the gym locker I have something to show you  

Y/N: Ok!! I’ll be there in 5 minutes

Daichi was nervous, and that was an understatement he didn’t want things to go left and have you thinking he couldn’t even do a simple prank. Once you got there, he saw heard you talking to Sugawara and Asahi outside the door about him wondering where he was in which Suga told you inside the locker room.

“Hey babe” you greeted “what's the occasion in why we’re in here?”

“I...uh..um I need to get something one second” Daichi spoke quickly and rushed out the room closing the door leaving you confused. Minutes passed, and you were now impatient and kinda scared since the room was dusty, dark and cold definitely not your place to be in. You tried texting Daichi but just your luck you have no service ://  

As time went on you tried opening the door but it was jammed shut no hope opening at all you forgot you left your bag outside which of course had your inhaler which did not help the sudden shortness of breath you started to get because of your asthma and claustrophobia. All you wanted was to get out of this room and talk to … Daichi.

Daichi. How convenient that he manage to slip away before the door got closed hmm but he wouldn’t intentionally prank you after ALL the lectures he gave you about not doing pranks this year right?

You didn’t notice how you started to cry and whimper wanting to leave.

On the outside, Daichi heard your cries and ordered Sugawara and Asahi to find the key to immediately get you out which it seems to take a while because Daichi has now stopped hearing your tears making him gulp in fear thinking something bad has happened to you in there.

Sugawara comes to you handing Daichi the keys, his handing shaking as he tries to unlock the door when he eventually does he finds you passed out on the ground of the dusty storage room. Very cliché I know ://

You wake up in the Nurses Office a bit confused on how you got there until your eyes land upon Daichi, remembering how you locked you in the Storage room where you had an asthma attack and passed out. You turned your body away from Daichi not wanting to talk to him right now after the hypocrisy he did.

“Y/N.. Are you alright?” He asked

“Do I look alright?” You responded in a bored tone

“I am really sorry Y/N... I know what I said to you about not doing pranks this year but Sugawara roped me into this and I didn’t want you to think I was too boring for you so I thought doing this prank would make you see me in a different light” he said

“yeah i saw you in a different light alright” you sassed, you then realised what he said ‘too boring’ kind of feeling less mad and more sad that he feels this way “Dai, you’d never be to boring for me … you’re one of the most funness is that a word? guys I've ever met.”

“really?” he asked  

“Of course! I’m kind of still mad at you for letting this happen but I do sort of understand why” you said giving him a hug.

You were eventually cleared to go home and as you left the clinic you saw Asahi and Sugawara standing at the door.  

“Y/N WE’RE SORRY” they bowed to you waiting on your responses

You chuckled slightly at their cuteness and ruffled both of their hair “all is forgiven, just make sure there’s ‘pranks’ this year “

Which they agreed upon.  

A/N: WOW I DID NOT like the way these turned out but its my first official thing that I wrote hopefully HOPEFULLY MY WORK IMPROVES (I THINK IT WILL) SO please join me on this ‘ride’ in improving my work. Feedback is VERY MUCH APPRECIATED and request too since I will literally write whatever...

I may do a part 2 … any particular characters people want?

[rosaline-black]

Hiii there! Hope everything’s good with you and congratulations on the follow count!! I’m happy for you, not surprised tho, cause your writing is 😗🤌 amazing!

Ok, so I’m a girl, she/her and straight and I’d like to request a 🌼 with a guy from the marauders.

I’m an introvert, hard shell to break, I isolate myself a lot, mainly in new friendships, which gives me the smart-quiet-goody-2-shoes stereotype. Socialisation haunts me and I’m shit awkward at interactions. When the shell is broken, I get very talkative. My mind is chaotic 24/7 so I shuffle between topics very fast and I stutter a little and get tangled in my own sentences, mainly when I’m excited. Im blunt and VERY sarcastic and ironic and like to dramatize stuff to make fun of it. Im very kind and put others above me sometimes, which beats my very high empathy and sensibility to pieces but oh well. I can also get very fired up in arguments cause I’m very passionate about my beliefs and values but I won’t cross the line and offend anyone as no matter how stubborn I am (extremely btw) I always try to make amends after cooling down and mediate when I’m not involved. I’m a romantic and a daydreamer. I’m smart and I like to learn stuff and to know how things work and understand them but am an extreme overthinker. I think far too much about every little thing and get insecure. Parties make me really anxious and loud people annoy me so I’d rather stay in. Sometimes I think I’m a little too mature. Like, can we talk about politics and the economic state of the world?? (Pls forgive me, i had to). Im curious but scattered so I’ll easily start a night-in (sponsored by YouTube!) by watching a video on “the most memorable Eurovision entries of all time” and end it with “inside the mind of a psychopath: a deep psychological analysis”. ✨It’s a little bit of everything all of the time✨ which reminds me of how much I love Bo Burnham. In a lot of my free time i listen to his songs or whatch his shows. I love how he’s genially funny but also #deep (I’m sorry) and brutally honest and makes you think. It’s also a good clutch for my anxiety. I consume books at a crazy speed but always love going back to some classics. I love sitcoms and rock music. Sometimes I like to spend time doing online timed questionaries about general knowledge cause I like challenging myself (and I also don’t have a life). Oh, this is very important: my pet peeve is loud chewing and gulping. Please do not eat and drink loudly yall, I beg of you. I’m very observant and have a ridiculously selective memory, I won’t remember my lunch from yesterday but I’ll remember the first words someone spoke to me 10 years ago. Im a firm believer in empathy and doing what’s right and on a completely connected note, I’m a big cuddler. I cant ever tell something funny as I’ll just laugh my ass off and I also have a very long list of musical and cinematic and ¿memematical? references that I sometimes insert all over (initially) nice conversations :) Yeah. Important information right there.

That’s it ig. Can’t think of much more rn. Sorry if I didn’t choose the most helpful information!!

Okay first of all are we the same person? Like fr I’m convinced we are omg. Please dm or something cause I screamed at the jaden smith reference.

Right so I found this one kinda easy but I match you with…

Remus Lupin

- first of all let’s say this is modern day, Remus would be such a big bo burnham stan like come on

- you both would spend long ass days reading together, imagine you resting your head on his lap reading your respective books. Omg maybe you even have book clubs with just you two (and maybe lily too)

- I think your bluntness would coincide with Remus perfectly. Sometimes this man just needs to hear the honest truth, and he loves you for it.

- you’re both a little awkward, but with Remus having friends that are so outgoing, you benefit just like he did when he met the other marauders. They help with your socialisation problems, weeding you into the idea of a party (which I tbh just headcanon is just you all getting drunk and James turning into a deer for bants)

- imagine you and Remus being the parents of the group; you hear Sirius chewing too loud and talking with his mouth full so you both simultaneously throw pillows at his head

- Remus is also used to putting people above his own needs so he recognises quickly that you’re doing the same. He’s there to be like… no no no, eat this damn chocolate and relax right now!!!

- also one final note; cuddling Remus post full moon>>>>

[lukesperfectharmonyhair]

im rewatching jatp instead of studying for the 3 tests i have tomorrow and i thought i would share my thoughts and reactions with each episode so enjoy!!....

wake up

- hearing the “1, 2, 3″ at the start of the episode gives me more serotonin than my antidepressants ever will

- julie’s slippers...that’s it...that’s the thought

- that dry ass pasta the molina’s are eating for dinner??? someone needs to give my man ray some cooking tips or a cookbook... something

-the looks the boys give julie when she says it was an OLD cd she found. as if they could be old??

-the entire julie and luke kitchen scene i mean there are no words to describe how much i am in love with scene. the banter, the flirting, luke giving this girl he literally just met an actual PIECE OF HIS SOUL so she can get music back into her life. not a single time have i watched that scene and not felt my heart literally grow cause of how cute they are. 

-the entire scene when julie is singing wake up. that scene is what made me literally CRAVE watching the other episodes. like of course i was going to watch them cause i wasn’t gonna just stop watching a show after one episode, and yes the show was good already but seeing the lighting and her voice, and just everything about the scene,,,,*chef’s kiss* 

bright

-flynn drinking seven sodas....SEVEN??? i would be throwing up if i drank more than like 2 and she drank seven,,,no ma’am.

- flynn and her trumpet. talented queen

- “ i wouldn’t have given you the song if i didnt think you were gonna rock it.” lmaooo im crying:)

- i start tearing up every time julie goes to play the first notes of bright,,, and then i’m full on bawling when the guys come in and play with her cause...they weren’t playing to be seen they were playing to be there for her and play to comfort her. pls i love them<3

- nick vibing in the front row

- the tech guy deserves so much more praise

flying solo

- reggie’s little butt shake or whatever you wanna call it!!

- julie’s little laugh when she yells at the guys to stop it

- “and we’re on the runway again” GENUINELY one of my favorite lines of the whole show pls i love luke’s humor

-this is the first time i noticed this but reggie’s face after alex says “DONT TELL ME HOW TO GHOST!”

-WILLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU<3333333

-the slow mo helmet take off,,,,me too alex me too

-willie’s little giggles:))))

- “oh-oh!”

- “no clue” alex i love you baby<3

- next season better give us a scene of flynn throwing eggs at someone’s house because i think it’s safe to say we were robbed of that experience. 

- the flying solo performance is just amazing

i got the music

- just the whole opening scene is so cute ....the dancing, singing, happiness RADIATING from julie 

-nick in an all white suit and fedora

-WILLEX MUSEUM DATE YEAH BABYYYYY

- carefree skateboarder bf and anxiety ridden drummer bf

- yelling. in. museums. 

-alex thinking he’s literally dying again because of the salt... zero braincells in this band.

- another scene we were robbed of that i need to see in season 2...reggie singing “home is where my horse is” while alex and julie sit patiently and attentively listen to him but luke looks like he’s about to commit murder

- i get SO MUCH second hand embarrassment for julie when she looks through luke’s songbook and says “ wow luke I didn’t know you were such a romantic” julie baby i love you but...eekkkkk

- “he looks like a substitute teacher”- where did he come up with that like so many other things he could be compared to but a substitute teacher??

- “luke introduced you to rock” heck yeah it did.. literal soulmates

- would like to see a picture of the raccoon in Flynn’s backyard

- wee woo wee woo police sirens://///

- julie’s outfit ughhhh i love it

- the poster that im pretty sure says “sexiest role” behind caleb... why was that necessary 

the other side of hollywood

- THE ENTIRE PERFORMANCE OF THE OTHER SIDE OF HOLLYWOOD 

- i lose my absolute shit over this song omg literal chills

- the cape grab i cannot physically do this rn

- willie being so excited the entire performance and looking over to see alex’s reaction

- reggie being in awe everytime one of the girls performing does something.. me too reggie

-”well i wouldn't really call it mAAgiCcCC bUT”

- nick and his fedora again

- alex has a crush, alex has a crush on.....WILLIE

-the boys eating food for the first time in 25 years is honestly so realistic

-alex shoving a whole slice of pizza in his mouth

- lukes ‘OH MY GODDDDD’

- reggie kissing his meatball sub that looks painfully dry but also delicious 

- the continuation of the other side of hollywood performance and everyone dancing

-reggie imitating caleb’s evil laugh and owen trying so hard not to break

-me getting mad at the boys for not showing up for julie and being sad with her but at the same time i’m obviously not mad at the boys just...disappointed?? idk 

finally free

- how did julie get to the school if she missed the first three classes?? wasn’t she still at flynn’s house from the night before cause she slept over so did she walk to school or was she just sitting in flynn’s house by herself and one of flynn’s parents was like you gonna go to school or???

-dance class with nicky poo<3

-reggie fixing his amp in the rain

-julie’s blue dress outfit in this episode is my ABSOLUTE favorite 

- the birthday candle scene makes me sob like a little baby,,,and rightfully so

- julie smart, smart to be taking calculus as what a sophomore??

- all eyes on me yes queen iconic

- alex dancing is how i dance in my brain whenever the song comes on 

- finally free as a song is NEVER given enough credit and why not?? it’s my favorite song they do as a band AND the madison’s vocals and the echoing part omg i loveeeee

- and the whole performance with luke’s heart eyes. i count this performance as the moment luke like fell in love with julie...like full on just blown away with how much awe and admiration he has for her in that moment and all the time.

 - julie and luke singing “and you’re a part of me” while staring directly into each others soul,,,yeah that’s love kids

edge of great

- carlos being the ghost hunter he is and tía being done with him

- luke’s pouting face 

- reggie and ray making breakfast together is so wholesome. reggie really loves and seeks comfort in ray and i love that

- luke just waiting next to julie’s locker and his little “hey”

- the first time i watch this scene i thought charlie was from new york cause of the way he says “ i can't do this without you” and then i watched the cast interviews and just realized he is somewhat joey tribbiani 

- jealous luke hehehehehhehehe

- “well dont you look shARrP”- yes he does luke thank you very much

- “uh oh i think someone has a crush on julie” yeah you do you little shit,,, now admit it to her

- the proud look on luke’s face when he realizes julie is still paying attention to HIM even though she’s supposed to be having a full on conversation with nick

- the shoulder push ( as someone who has had their own shoulder pushed in the middle of a high school hallway as a weird way of flirting,,,,i can definitely somewhat attest to how luke is feeling in that moment and i too continued to flirt with the person who shoulder shoved me while we were still standing in the hallway)

- the flow from whatever the hell dance nick and julie are doing and the perfect harmony dance is so special to me and i love it

-ADOANCLOBNAOVBCOAB THE HAIR PLSSSSS

- EVERYTIME THE SCENE COMES ON AND I SEE HIM WALKING THROUGH THE MIRROR I HAVE TO PAUSE THE SHOW FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES WHILE I DIE LAUGHING BECAUSE THE HAIR IS SO BAD EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE USED TO HOW IT LOOKS AFTER WATCHING THIS SHOW LITERALLY 30 TIMES

- i think people see my username and assume i like his hair in this scene but...ummm fun little fact i do not like it

- the dance is so good though ugh my babies

- the hair

- madison is gorgeous 

- another season 2 scene i need: julie teaching this dance to luke and they perform it in front of alex and reggie so they can see luke roll on the floor like that

-the hair

- the lift i loveeee

- the voices at the end of the song *chef’s kiss*

- the way julie spins out from luke and into nick omg so good

- “thAnKs pArTnER”

- luke denying his feelings for julie,,,babe pls

- the whole edge of great performance is so good and beautiful and the colors are SPECTACULAR 

-julie avoiding luke’s gaze lolz

- can't believe my mans really tried to deny he didn’t have feelings for julie like 5 hours earlier even though he’s getting upset because she hasn’t looked at him in 2 minutes

- THE. GUITAR. RIFF. SOLO.

- when i finally learn how to play the electric guitar well enough to learn the guitar solo... it’s over for everyone

-nick just came to watch the girl he likes perform not watch her flirt with a hologram plssss can we give this man a break next season.

- “we have to say goodbye to julie”- that’s literally more important to luke than not playing music anymore because julie is music to him now

unsaid emily

-already crying and the episode hasn't even started

-willex in the orpheum

- alex literally being OVER reggie

- nope too emotionally unstable to watch this scene right now

- my therapist will be hearing about this tomorrow

- show us the baby picture of luke cowards

- this is such a beautiful song that makes me cry every fucking time gosh damn it

- everytime i watch the flashback scene of luke on his bike i think of “christmas song” by phoebe bridges and i cry even more

- i tried to learn how to play this song on my electric guitar (because i dont have an acoustic guitar) and i ended up crying half way through so i do not think i will be playing it anytime soon:/

- the harmonies *chef’s kiss*

- THE POLICE LIGHTS ....i cry

- FAT tears rolling down my face

- there's literally not a moment i don’t cry during this episode

- interesting little relationship :0

- when i played percussion in 7th grade i used to lay down on the couch in the practice room at school ( which god knows what people did on that couch...ew) and stick my drumsticks up my nose too,,,, just another similarity between alex and i 

stand tall

- willie really drove a bus 200 miles into the desert for his crush

- WILLEX HUG 

- i love willie no last name so much,,,i just wanna hold and protect him

- alex’s ballerina dance

-julie’s overall outfit i love<3

- “im swimming”

- the way carlos hangs up the iPad on tía makes me CRACK UP he’s just lmao bye girl

- another julie outfit i love

- “anything julie. you know that.” AHHHHHAASIDSJFPACISN love bitches

- the suits

- luke’s hair in this episode is so much better than the perfect harmony hair pls

- YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE

- the way luke looks so restricted and confined in his suit... but at the same time he looks like a 10 week old puppy

-luke’s AGGRESSIVE but small foot tapping leading up to being on the stage

- the solos:)))))

- crying again over julie’s monologue to her mom

- julie really was brave enough to be ready to perform by herself

-the way Trevor looks at carrie when she says “been here before”

-ALEXXXXXX

-REGGIEEEEE

-luuukkKKKEEEEEEE

- this performance makes me cry

- especially the first time when i saw luke flickering...sobs

- he finally looks free in his suit:))

- alex’s solo is so pretty i love him

- reggie’s solo too 

- nick just straight up vibing the entire performance

- alex and luke holding hands...hehehe cute besties

- “thank you, guys” NO THANK YOU 

- the way julie begs for them to do something about the jolts for HER cause she knows luke would never say no to her

- “no music is worth making, julie, if we’re not making it with you,” I JUST SCREAMED AND IM PRETTY SURE I WOKE UP MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD...whoops

- going back to that line i could say so much about it but....for someone who’s life was literally MUSIC for the 17 years he was alive, and after finding out he could play music again even though he was dead and saying it made him feel alive, he would give that up- he would give up playing his guitar, playing in a band with his friends, give up writing and singing music- if he wasn’t doing that with julie. that’s more than saying i love you,,,that’s literally like saying i’d give up my ENTIRE LIFE and what i love to do if i dont get to do it with you

- i just made myself cry with that description...wow

-the hug<3

-also imagine how luke felt in that moment,,, hearing this girl, once again that he would give his life up for, saying in his ear that she loves them. i would motherfucking glow too, luke

- *passionately but gently holds each others faces*

-HANDS OFF MY BABY NICK, CALEB

- caleb’s outfit is....something

- the head turn plssss

this was so long and i am so sorry but if you read this far.....leave some of your own reactions or thoughts:)))

k goodnight im gonna, ugh, finally go study ://

[yoitscro]

cw depression, anxiety, vent //

i kinda hate how i can go from laughing at youtube videos to having an emotional rollercoaster and crying in the dark.

literally nothing really happened today.. i mean i had one hour of sleep the night before so that could explain my anxiousness, but it’s not like i’ve not had some of these thoughts before.

i went to work, relatively sat there for nine hours, then went home. i remember mostly looking stuff up, watching a few youtube videos, etc. but while i was trying and tried to think back, i couldnt really remember what i did specifically. like, i knew i did and watched certain things, but i can’t remember in full what i did exactly to make 9 hours pass by. i was suppose to work on project stuff, but i didn’t do any of that.

but yeah the reason my mood is shit is because i think i had too many quiet moments with certain thoughts that compare to each other, and all of that kinda came to a boil rn.

i was just sitting in a voice chat. i’m not drawing bc i dont really wanna force myself to have to do something visibly interesting for someone to show up and wanna chat. i just wanna do the chatting part. make friends, just have a nice conversation. i was there for 2+ hours listening to a music bot, because i can only assume that since im not really known (but i have talked to people in there), and im not really known for doing anything outstanding, that no one’s jumped to talk to me like they would others. i feel like im constantly casting a hook into a lake and getting nothing. this has happened multiple times in multiple server. i don’t wanna just @ someone or tell anyone im in call when they can see i am, otherwise i feel like im being pushy or making someone feel like they have to talk to me, when they don’t want to.

i feel like if someone makes the step to talk to me first, that means a lot, versus me having to nudge them.

I do a lot of nudging, and I feel like a bother when I do, so I try to not. Then when I don’t nudge, I never get any nudges of my own. So I keep nudging since it’s the only way I tend to get any interaction. Or else people just forget im there. which makes me feel like regardless of the nudging im not really thought about anyways.

earlier today i was looking up aro stuff. i was trying to figure some things out about myself, and some of it seemed to match up. but i was also trying to figure out if it was something that was tru about myself, or potentially me trying to make reason for why i can’t really form any bonds with others. or rather, something to make me feel anchored for why i feel hesitant about bonds? mostly because i’ve been burned so many times that i dont wanna end up being alone again, or being burnt out due to other issues. and it sometimes feels like unless im someone’s number one, i can’t even been their third wheel.

later i started thinking about how i’ve wanted to move out of my house, and each time something’s gone wrong with trying to find a room mate. at least two of them went sour with people who i assume didn’t think i was worth it. i told a therapist back in mid 2018 that i’d intended to move in with my ex best friend. yeaars ago. idk if im ever getting out of here anytime soon with someone who wants to bother.

and bringing this back to the voice chat thing, idk. being alone when im trying to not be makes my thoughts roll about all the times i’ve been left behind. especially times where my well being or regards were unconsidered and my concerns were potentially dismissed. each time i keep going back to thinking about 2019 and how i was left by myself in NY bc of petty drama and gossip. and how i was dismissed for being concerned for being left alone by people who didn’t care and had the potential to at least care about what could happen if i was left alone. i try to think back to that as just thinking that i was dealing with a particularly nasty crowd, and it’s not a reflection of most people nor my relationship with most people. but then i think/thought back to those other issues of today. i think back to similar issues that’ve happened before. i think about how they keep happening and how they all have the same pattern: that im mostly forgettable and that i don’t really have anyone to rely on, outside of family. and well. family. yeah.

i could be gone tomorrow and it’d take a week or more for anyone to truly grow concern, and that’s only because someone would only notice by that point. because again. im always the one to nudge. im not really thought of until i say something. until i pester to the point of being annoying bc my social cues are out of wack and im slightly clingy, because of the abandonment. hell, i literally remember a time where i had con friends that straight up talked to each about having to leave for the night and getting up to leave the lobby without saying anything to me, WHILE i was there. like they forgot.

i can sit through an entire conversation and just listen to people, and i can learn a lot from or about them, but i doubt they know much about me. because i can go minutes, 30 mins, an hour without someone asking me anything or inviting me to chip in.

cw // suicidal thoughts

i keep anchoring in on that NY trip bc it really was the peakfest form of cruelty that opened my eyes to how much people don’t give a shit about me. everytime i think about it and my thoughts start to spiral, i think about how i constantly thought about jumping on train tracks. i thought about what would happen if i got attacked and no one found out. i thought about if i didn’t want to hurt myself because i wasn’t that deep into a spiral, or because i fear the pain versus the result. idk.

im fine rn. tbh writing all this helps me destress. but...next time i go to my doctor or whatever, i guess ill say something. i’ve always checked ‘No’ for suicidal thoughts because i never took any impulsive imaginations seriously. But im starting to realize that having them more than once means something. I’m starting to realize that crawling into my bed because im crying too much to draw and that i keep thinking about typing up what the least painful ways to go are. that’s...not good, obviously. i need to go talk to my doctor. and go to the doctor period. 

i have money saved for ADHD. im just wondering how the rest works if i think i have something else? do i have to have separate specific appointments if i wanna get tested for multiple different things (Depression, BPD, etc), or can i just have one and the psych people dissects from there which it is? idk.

i know my sister recently got prozac. im glad for her, but im slightly jealous. my parents never really gave that many shits to ask if i ever needed any of what she’s got or been forced to get even. and if i did bring something up id probably be asked tedious questions and given patronizing tones. bleh. i can’t even imagine telling my mom about the NY situation. she’d baby me about hanging out with people online for the rest of my life versus giving actual respect to the situation or encouragement that i’d want. meh. 

ok. i think this ramble is done. i think i just needed to vent a lot of stuff out before i ended up wasting the night away, lol.

i can’t do much rn while im focusing on getting a bit more money from my shitty job, but once i get a nice paycheck in a few months or less, ill try scheduling an appointment. i think i need to get a physical soon anyways.

thanks for reading, if you did. sorry if i freaked anyone out.

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[welcometotheocverse]

🌟 for Elliot pls?

:D aaaah! I’ve had him in the brain a lot lately okay sorry this got long And also im rewatching rn so its sorta season 1ish.

Elliot is Rory’s younger twin. He was given Christopher’s middle name. He’s mostly grateful it was the middle name.

He and Rory are super close. It was just the two of them ( and then Lane) The Twins That Read A Lot. Because they had each other they didn’t have much incentive to make friends outside of each other ( Elliot more than Rory) and extrapolating from the Pilot where Rory doesn’t seem like she has a lot of friends ( or any sans Lane) and is lowkey scoffed at for reading the assignment I’m gonna go with “other kids weren’t that keen on making friends with them either”

Rory’s the talkative one, he’s the quiet one. This is a bit of Rory also being protective of him/noticing when he looks overwhelmed and just...talking up a storm as is her wont and subtly getting attention away from Elliot. For a lot of the early season they’re not seen one without the other ( keeping in mind their arch is to learn it’s okay to have different dreams and even go different places ) 

Sorta shy and a bit more introverted than Rory. Once you become his friend however he pretty much would die for you and his face absolutely lights up when he sees you as opposed to his usual reserved nature and he talks to you albeit not as much as his twin ( unless hes super excited or talking about something he finds interesting then the resemblance kicks in lmao but thats the exception)  its like a switch ( seen with Rory, Luke, and Lane in canon and Sophie/Paige in their xover)

Likes hanging out at Luke’s. They both sorta enjoy... being quiet around each other. Elliot thinks he has a really calming vibe …when Taylor’s not there.

Ms Kim doesn’t like him because he’s a boy so he’s not allowed at Lane’s like Rory is ( honestly the feeling’s mutual bc “I’m pretty  sure locking you up for days and keeping you from school falls under child abuse also wtf” and lowkey the girls are like “lets just keep you not in the house” Lane might be closer to Rory but they still talk music together. She’s part of the reason his music taste actually started deviating  from  Lorelai’s and Rory’s.)

He doesn’t like unfair treatment of other people. It really gets to him. Examples are Ms. Kim to Lane and his grandparents and father to his mom. Later examples are Mitchum Huntzberger, and Marty. ( he’s pretty unimpressed with Marty and how his feelings for Rory make him act in general tbh but what he does with Lucy is just...it really bothers him he’s adamant that  Rory should tell Lucy the truth.)

Highkey  he has about zero patience for bad/toxic parents partly bc of his own feelings about Christopher and to an extent his grandparents that he keeps minimizing so they get projected on...everyone else with bad parents lol.

 Logan’s still a bit amazed that this shy soft spoken kid he met in his junior year went off like “He’s not your fucking property” when Mitchum went on his “You’re available when i say you’re available” tirade ( Elliot was ngl intimidated/scared of Mitchum who pretty much went “Who the hell are you??!” but Logan’s his friend and that wasn’t okay and he kept eye contact with the asshole until Logan diverted his attention back to him/the fight they were having and made sure he at least told Logan afterwards because “but he shouldn’t..” and “he shouldn’t have” and “No! No..it’s not Okay. “)

But also like constantly “it’s not a big deal” when it comes to his aforementioned feelings about Christopher and pretty much anything he might be angry about. 

Lowkey spends a lot of time Rory goes through relationship drama between “????” and “wowww dodged a bullet” Rory throws pillows at him for the latter because “If I’m gonna rant at you El, you could at least give me sympathy.”

He does have some insecurities about his orientation born out of just..f.eeling othered due to isolation and also some stuff he’s heard his dad say.

He figures out he’s asexual before he figures out he’s aromantic and has to deal with a lot of “Are you sure?” and “is that..is that normal?” from some townsfolks before he figures out Luke can scare them off and he lowkey spends a lot of time at the dinner during this time. Luke smiles at him and gives him muffins tho he’ll deny deny deny if you mention it.

A bit more sensitive than Rory like on the pilot episode when he notices Lorelai is worried about Chilton/having to ask her parents for money he stops at the base of the stairs and asks “is...everything okay mom?” and is kinda just in tune with how the people he cares about are feeling/picks up on things like that.

He...doesn’t super like his grandparents because of how they treat his mother.  Emily already made him a bit anxious because of her passive  aggressive nature ( he’s giving me some anxiety vibes tbh) and the fact that he thought the fact that his mom kept them away sorta ominous.  A lot of season 1 is him looking down at his plate and tensing with every “your mother’s golf clubs are in the attic along with the rest of her potential” and Richard’s “he ( Christopher) always was a smart one that  boy, you two must take after  him” and “as a maid with all your brains and talents” and it sorta...yeah he spends a lot of time looking at his plate and swallowing resentment. There are times where it gets better but overall he’s never completely at ease around them. He’s very quiet but civil around them even as he grows some affection and builds bridges with them along Lorelai and Rory. And I haven’t even figured out the fallout with the thing they pull at the wedding.

Emily at least once asked off handedly why Elliot wasn’t seeing anyone and I’m still figuring out if she says something like “that’s not normal” before Lorelai or Rory intervene.

(( Full disclosure Emily reminds me a bit too much of my own relationship with my mom and its really hard to write her favorably though I at least try to be fair. So Elliot is sometimes  a bit harsh on her and very in Lorelai’s corner when Emily and Richard are...less than nice. ))

Sort of a mamma’s boy. Rory and Lorelai have their special connection but so do Elliot and Lorelai. Rory was a bit more extroverted and would play/hang out with Lane while Elliot was perfectly content as a babie curling up with his mom and reading. It worried Lorelai a bit, how hard it was for him to reach out ( she never had that moment she had with Rory and Lane of “my kid has a friend” with him) but he always had Rory yknow so she calmed herself with that. Sometimes when Rory’s with Lane he’ll hang out at the Inn and work there. He somehow got in to Michel’s good graces ( “because you are quiet and unobtrusive”  and got him to teach him French 

Very tactile. When he’s getting nervous Rory will reach out and grab his hand or Lore will put her hands on his shoulder and he’ll calm down. He does the same when wanting to comfort friends or just wanting to show affection ( will lean on Finn and Colin a lot as he gets closer to them or accept that they’ll just throw an arm around him)

Meeting the LAD bridgade kids makes social events with his grandparents so much easier like ohmygod subparties with Logan Colin Finn and Rory  become lifesavers. ( its not so much the drinking as having someone you can laugh with while dodging your grandparents friends and the girl they told to look for you yknow)

He has more resentment towards Christopher than his sister and doesn’t see him with the rose colored glasses Rory sees him in their younger years. His absence hurts him a lot. He hides it well and is nice enough towards him because he loves Lorelai and Rory and wants them to be happy/have a good time but if you catch him on a bad day you might get a rant about how little Christopher knows about them and how little he was there  and “he just drops by, spends like a day with us and leaves yknow...it’s...and we’re supposed to be happy???” and the fact that he doesn’t wanna tell Rory or Lorelai bc he thinks it’ll upset them just  sorta...makes it worse.

And then at some point  Christopher pops off with “and how long are you gonna entertain this phase of his Lore, a boy his age should be dating” and while Rory’s making angry noises and Lorelai’s saying “Outside. Now” ( though they don’t know the twins are listening) he just gets...this thin unsurprised smile and...yeah it’s not great. 

Very supportive of people he loves. He’s constantly telling Rory through the Chilton years that she’s smart enough, more than smart enough to get through this and helps her study. He makes sure he tells Lorelai he loves her or hugs her if he can tell the dinners are a bit hard on her. Honestly a total cream puff. The resentment for his grandparents and father is mostly buried and comes out like when he’s upset/they do something that provokes it. Mostly he’s a really soft boy and kinda soft spoken, loves reading about science and space ( he balances out Rory’s preference for literature and history though they both like poetry and Elliot occasionally reads prose as Rory lets him infodump sometimes about science journals) and loves his friends so so dearly. Will get angry a la Beware The Nice Ones if you hurt them though the first thing he’ll do is comfort them/try to cheer them up.

He loves Stars Hollow but being the only aroace person he knows of there ( and fielding well intentioned “are you sures?” and “oh honey you’ll find someone someday”s and just..alot of early 2000s Star Hollow-ness ( “Hey kiddo you gonna bid on a basket this year?” “oh you’re getting handsome, gonna find yourself a girl for the starlight festival?” “is he..youknow?” is just...a lot? He wants to spread his wings and find his place/people like him/feel less isolated.

He still loves his town though as its his home and raised him his sister and in a way his mother. He visits while he’s at Yale ( the distance helps tremendously as does the ability to just...leave again) like Rory and says hi to Miss Patty and Gypsy and Andrew ( he loves Andrew omg. One of the few people who didn’t just assume he and Rory were always reading the same books) He helps the 30-Something gang find jobs/fine tune resumes  though im not including anything else form ayit and checks in how they’re doing bc..its still his town. They’re his family. “my nuts-o, extended...well meaning but sometimes overly invested and too-pushy-and-slightly-overbearing family.” even as he dreams of getting out a lot and once he does he...really likes it. He loves them

He goes to Yale because Rory goes to Yale (because again the whole Learning To Be Independent From Your Twin...kind of a slow process for him) and gets sibling-adopted by Finn and Colin  in a turn of events he’s pretty much confused over like im p sure they were like “hes ours now” and Elliot was like “im ...you’re...w..what?” and Logan who Knows Finn and Colin is like “don’t fight it” and lowkey adopted him too.

Im cutting myself off bc this got Long and im sorry lol

Thank you so much for the ask <3

send me a ✨ and i’ll tell you about a random OC

[themagicaltunaa]

Answer all the questions

well i have nothing to do so sure

1. What have you eaten today? 

some toast for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, and some cereal for dinner

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

never kissed anyone, don't really care about that

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

light grey sneakers

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Jeremy did, when I was watching his Alien Isolation stream on monday

5. What is your favorite scent?

I love the smell freshly baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

I love fall. I just love the aesthetic of the season, and my favorite holiday is during fall. I would love to experience it one day

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

lol nope. I was barely able to do it as a kid. If I tried now i’m pretty sure i’ll break something.

8. What color are your nails?

the regular pink color? I don’t paint my nails

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

aw geez, uhhh idk maybe like a tiny star or something

10. What is something you find romantic?

i dont know romantic things 

11. Are you happy?

eh

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

no not really

13. Dogs or Cats?

cats. i like dogs too, but sometimes they’re too much to deal with. i’m more comfortable being with cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

museum

15. What is your style?

my style is “im trying”

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

stay up all night to catch up on videos

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single babeyyyy

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

nothing, because im not attracted to anyone

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

i dont like celebrities

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

i’m pretty sure i’m holding on to a lot of stuff, but I can’t seem to remember anything specific. if this question means metaphorically, the answer still works

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I went to a drive thru haunted house with my 2 friends, and after we got some taco bell and went to the beach to eat our food. we sat there for like 10 minutes before it started to rain on us

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

nope. I try not to in general , I hate having to make any sort of big decision because I starting stressing 

23. Were you ever in a school play?

I’ve always had stage fright so no

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

uhhhh, I dont watch enough movies to pick one

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 

oh there’s plenty of things that I've dreamed of doing, but I just can’t do it because of anxiety 

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I dont like sharing

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

uhhh idk? maybe the whole makeup culture thing? but it’s not like it irritates me I just don’t get it. I can’t really think of a second thing

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

too much to list

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

fuck if i know

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

can’t think of anything rn

31. How long was your longest relationship?

never been in one

32. Have you ever been in love?

pretty sure I have not

33. Are you currently in love?

nope

34. Why did your last relationship end?

see question 31

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

not wearing any atm. actually, I just don’t wear jewelry in general

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I think it was last week? I don’t remember why, it was probably something stupid

37. Name someone pretty.

the anon that sent me this ask

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

oh! I got a few gifts from my bestie :)

39. Do you get jealous easily?

no

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

no

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

sure

42. Ever had detention?

no because I was a good bean in school

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. the countryside sounds nice, but just the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere especially at night makes me nervous 

44. What do people call you?

by my name

45. What was the last book you read?

I do not remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a book

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

uhhh idk

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

anything that catches my fancy. I don’t really stick to one kind of genre

48. How tall are you?

my doctor said I’m allowed to say i’m 5′2

49. Do you like kids?

they’re alright. I can handle be around them for a bit, but I would never want to have any 

50. Favorite fruits?

watermelon, starfruit, and tangerines

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was like 3-4, and I was at disney world with my family. I remember seeing a stage show of Bear in the Big Blue house, and I remember walking around ToonTown when it still existed

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

i hope not

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect seashells as a kid and I still have some of the collection somewhere in my closet. I wanna start a new collection of something but idk what

56. Do you save money or spend it?

i try to save it

57. What would your dream house be like?

something cozy and not too big, with a cat or 2

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

its 11pm at the time of answering this, i really can’t think of anything to fill a list rn

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

see the previous question

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog. i hate my job anyways so I don’t care

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would definitely tell my closest friends, and some of my family members, probably my mom’s side of the family. If I had the money to, I would like to travel to some places that i’ve always wanted to go to. I would have a month to accept that i’m gonna die so i think i would be fine. i’d rather get plenty of time to know i’m dying rather than like last minute. this has been a topic that i’ve been thinking of for a while now, not because I’m like thinking about death or anything, I just need something to kill time with at work

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

a heart?

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

aw cmon, I can’t just think of stuff like that on the spot. I don’t even know where I would want to go

64. Do you like the beach?

It’s nice, especially in the early morning when everything is still calm and the beach isn’t packed with people yet

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

no? wtf does someone special mean?

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Doesn’t everyone have a middle name? But yeah i do and i hate it so im not saying anything

67. Do you talk to yourself?

in my head all the time

68. Describe your hair.

brown, curly, very long because I haven’t cut it in almost a year, it’s very annoying

69. What is the meaning of life.

I wish i knew

70. What is your ideal partner like?

no one

71. Do you want to get married?

no

72. Do you want to have kids?

 ew no

73. Like or dislike your family?

 they’re bearable

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

I’m more than chunky, i’m just straight up fat

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

lol no. I’m an absolute dumbass

76. What would you change about your life?

everything if i could

77. Religious or Not?

no not really

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t drink so this would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

it sure isnt because no one is there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

uhhhh no. I don’t really care tbh

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i’m not opening the door because no one is there

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

ehh not really. It’ll just make it frizzy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

no

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I need to drive in order for that to happen

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

no. its not fun getting soaked in the rain

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

not really? 

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why does god allow suffering

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

1.greece

2. peru

3.disney world only because I have not been to all the parks yet, also i can bug my brother while i’m there

theres a lot more but i’m too tired to fill out the rest of the list

90. How was your day today?

it was fine

91. Play an instrument?

used to play mellophone/french horn in band in high school. after I graduated I haven’t touched an instrument since

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

it’s scary

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

aliens as anything that counts as a living organism not of this world, not green little men from mars nonsense. the universe is too big for only life to be on earth. for ghosts, i’m still iffy about them, but that doesn’t mean i’m gonna start walking around haunted places and call the ghosts a bitch

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

abosolutely not. every day I regret all the decisions i’ve made through my life. does that mean I’m trying to fix said mistakes or try not to do them again? lol no 

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

in my mind i do. I’m too scared of everyone to actually do it

96. When are you vulnerable?

always

97. How much free time do you have?

doesn’t feel like much. saturday and sunday go by way too fast and i feel like when i go home from work theres just not enough to relax. im tired all the time

98. Do you like to go hiking?

never been

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

no because I actually have self preservation. I am also a very big chicken

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[swingxilly]

20 random facts about yourself that might surprise people

I got tagged by @sapphicmadameumbralis, thanks friend!

Do you make your bed? Uh, I didnt use to but I tend to now. Its fairly new, I think I only started a bit over a year ago, when I moved away for half a year. But nothing fancy. Like. Only folding the blanket a bit usually. Bc I think its annoying if you have to remove all the pillows etc before being able to go to bed and stuff

What's your favourite number? Easy. 5. The story behind it is: I used to read a lot of manga. And usually they put like a character on the cover of the volumes. And very very often, not always but most of the time, on volume 5 was my favourite character. So I decided its my lucky number and it stuck

What's your job? Well its not really a job yet? More of a voluntary year? Its a thing in Germany, you get a bit of money and go to a few seminars and stuff. Mostly its to pass time until getting into university or whatever and getting a bit of experience. I work in a little library in town. Pretty sure it helped with my application business :D

If you could, would you go back to school? Oh, Id love to. Im a very nostalgic person, like... VERY. So. Idk! I miss my friends and how things were between us bc we all have changed and yknow kinda lost a few. I miss a lot and Im not gonna list it all bc I could probably write pages about this. Dont miss the less pleasant parts tho

Can you parallel park? Not yet but I hope I will in the future bc Im currently working on getting my drivers license. :') Lots of anxiety involved in that

A job you had which would surprise people? Im not sure if anything like that exists? At least not for me since I dont have a lot of life experience yet, so I cant think of anything rn. Im just 20 dude and Im scared of shit, so I'm not trying a lot of new stuff

Do you think aliens are real? Yeah. Universe is big, so why not 🤷‍♀️ Sounds reasonable to me

Can you drive a manual car? Im gonna go with yes. Dont have a license yet but as long as Im not in a crazy situation or inside a city, I should be fine. Country roads are fun. And manual cars, well we learn with manual ones here. Automatic isnt as common in Germany as far as I know. My aunts struggling to get a new one bc hers (its automatic) isnt in such a great shape anymore. And its not easy to find automatic cars that arent super expensive I believe? Idk, just what I heard

What's your guilty pleasure? Uh... Idk, everything I do? Does procrastinating count? Bc everything I do always feels like procrastinating all the time

Tattoos? Nope, I have commitment issues

Favourite colour? Yellow, orange and green

Things people do that drive you crazy? A lot. My mom and brother both smh love to not respond when you ask them sth. My brother especially loves to answer sth vague that doesnt answer anything at all. Idk, just one example, Im always annoyed about everything probably

Any phobias? Idk about phobias, just assume Im scared of everything. People, animals, being perceived, mistakes, the future, etc etc

Favourite childhood sport? There was a time when I was watching this volley ball anime and I REALLY loved volley ball. Batminton was also fun

Do you talk to yourself? All the time, constantly

What movie do you adore? Most Ghibli movies... Tangled I also really like and plan on rewatching.. Hmmm, I dont have an absolute favourite tho I think

Do you like doing puzzles? A few months ago I was a little obsessed with it. I had an app on my phone and would do puzzles while listening to some podcasts and it was a lot of fun. I kinda lost interest now tho

Favourite music? Oh boy, a lot of different things. A few soundtracks here and there, some bands here some there, its a mix

Tea or coffee? I hate both, but I drink tea when Im sick sometimes. I hate it tho

The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? An author?? I used to write stories and then I wrote together with a friend and now I dont write anymore. Also an artist probably? Aaalso a librarian bc my mom is one. (librarian is awfully close to barbarian and I love this actually? Just noticed it). The latter one Im currently actually going for

Im tagging... @rottentidepod and @hedwigs-art if you want to! Have fun if you do :D

[refroged]

@obiwoman ​ tagged me in this - thank you!! and sorry it took me a little while lol

Are you staying home from work/school? yep! my university stopped in-person classes 2 weeks ago, so i’ve been home for those 2 weeks!

If you’re staying home, who is with you? my family! i usually live with my parents and younger brother, and my older sister came home from Toronto last week because she lives alone and was worried about being isolated for a long time

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate? uuh idk! i love my sister but she’s also extremely “healthy” in a very performative way which is stirring up some of the v unhealthy guilty attitudes towards food that i struggled with when i was younger:( so she’s maybe not the ideal quarantine buddy? i started seeing someone before all of this happened! and i like her and i wish i could see her more rn! not wishing we were stuck together for like, 2 months or whatever though lol! so idk! idk! i don’t think any single person can accomplish what the range of human interaction im used to like, provides for my brain lmao

Are you a homebody? i think so! although its not always by choice! i like a social gathering of the ‘close friends hanging out’ variety, but i appear to have befriended many borderline-frat-bros recently so im lacking in the social engagement that i like best:( so mostly i just stay home. straight people parties exhaust me lmao, and im tired of being concerned about alcohol poisoning or weed-induced anxiety. also don’t know how to ask people i like to spend time with me so moslty! i just stay home!

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled? yeah! i had a poster presentation for a research project the week everything got cancelled, so i was a little disappointed about that! i was also supposed to see a production of paradise lost in late april and also maybe go to paris that week, which are both noooot really going to happen at this point:( AND i was supposed to go over to someone’s place and she was gonna cook for me and i was gonna try to hype myself up and maybe kiss her so IDK!! kinda bad timing lol!

What movies have you watched recently? aaaah recently i watched The Farewell, Okja, and Horse Girl! and i was super late to the party but i did watch The Shape of Water for the first time not long ago too

What shows are you watching? i’m watching Altered Carbon rn! also rewatching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt in the background while i like, brush my teeth or chop onions or whatever lol! i finished rewatching ATLA 2ish weeks ago, and i’m considering a rewatch of LOK too 👀

What music are you listening to? uuh i’ve been listening to a lot of Courtney Barnett the past few days ! i mostly listen to music on the bus and i. am not really on the bus much these days lmao.. i listened to New Order and Spoon in the car the other day as well i think!

What are you reading? mostly stuff for class:( i’m not allowed to read anything else until i catch up on my class reading! i’m making my way through Hanif Kureishi’s The Buddha of Suburbia rn, and i read Coriolanus like 5 times this month for an essay lol. i also found a printed copy of “Crossing Brooklyn Ferry” that i had put up in my cubicle last summer, which is now taped above my bedside table lol so i have been reading that poem a lot, if that counts!

What are you doing for self-care? hmm im cooking more for sure! playing animal crossing! allowing myself to be unproductive, which is something i definitely struggle with! and i am TRYING to drink more water but ooooh my god am i bad at it lol. i also just spent more money than i should’ve on art prints bc im in my bedroom more than ever before and i want nice things to contemplate :)

i’m gonna tag @hale-of-stiles-heart in return! if we’re mutuals (or even if we’re not mutuals!) and you enjoy/don’t mind being tagged in things, let me know (like sincerely! let me know)! i feel bad bothering people out of the blue, but if you want to do this say i tagged you! i really really mean it! or like tell me so i can tag you next time lol

[cantbehandled-ever]

thanks @satans-helper for tagging me in this get to know me tag! i’ve never done one this long, so here’s a bunch of info that no one wanted to know about me lmao

1. What’s your middle name?

- Lynn, which i hateee

2. how old are you?

- 19

3. when is your birthday?

- november 17th

4. what is your zodiac sign?

- scorpio sun, libra rising, pisces moon. i have two fucking water signs which explains why i’m so emotional

5. what’s your favorite shade of green?

- forest/emerald green

6. what’s your lucky number?

- 8

7. do you have any pets?

- yes! i have three dogs and i’d die for them

8. where are you from?

- originally chicago, but now i live in orlando

9. how tall are you?

- 5’9

10. what shoe size are you?

- 10 in women’s, 8.5 in men’s

11. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

- 10

12. what was your last dream about?

- i dreamt that i ran off to live in a cave and raised goldfish as my past time, so i’m really jealous that i didn’t actually do that

13. what talents do you have?

- i can bs my way through stuff, because if i really need to, i can come off as decently eloquent. also i can sing kinda well, nothing amazing

14. are you psychic in any way?

- i’ve had dreams that ended up happening exactly like i dreamed them

15. favorite song?

- i could not tell you, but lately i’ve been listening to Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac several times a day

16. Favorite movie?

- the sixth sense (i just really like m. night shyamalan movies)

17. who would be our ideal partner?

- someone with a great sense of humor and i’m pretty anxious, so someone who is good at keeping calm

18. do you want children?

- nope lmao, but i do want to be an aunt. i like kids, but like only when i can give them back to their parents when i get tired of them lol

19. do you want a church wedding?

- not really, if i did end up having one, it would be bc the building was beautiful it would have nothing to do with it being a church

20. are you religious?

- no, long and sad history with religion. i do consider myself to be pretty spiritual and learning more about stuff like that is really interesting to me

21. have you ever been to a hospital?

- yep, last year over spring break i had to get my gallbladder removed:)))))))) my surgeon took pics of my gallbladder though and it’s super sick and gross looking so at least i have that

22. have you ever gotten into trouble with the law?

- nope

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

- i met andy mientus, but he’s not like a huge celebrity

24. baths or showers?

- showers, baths are gross

25. what color socks are you wearing?

- white and purple

26. have you ever been famous?

- not really, but when i was in fifth grade i submitted a poem i wrote to a publishing company and they put it into a book, so my elementary school made a big deal out of it, so i was like a local celebrity amongst ten year olds for a week lol

27. would you like to be a big celebrity?

- only if it was for music, because that’s the only way i could see myself being happy with it. however, i’d much rather just have my own niche audience and be super personal with them, but still make enough money that i could afford to have that be my only career

28. what type of music do you like?

- mainly rock and funkier music, but i can pretty much listen to anything

29. have you ever been skinny dipping?

- no, because i hate my body lol

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?

- 4

31. what position do you usually sleep in?

- i’m a stomach sleeper

32. how big is your house?

- i live in a tiny apartment

33. what do you typically have for breakfast?

- usually just coffee, but sometimes i’ll have a breakfast bar

34. have you ever fired a gun?

- yes and i hated it, it’s way too scary to hold something like that

35. have you ever tried archery?

- yeah! we had it as a unit in my middle school gym class and i wasn’t super horrible at it!

36. favorite clean word?

- indubitably

37. favorite swear word?

- it’s more of a statement but i say “fuck off” all the time

38. what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

- 29 when i was studying for finals last year

39. do you have any scars?

- several

40. have you ever had a secret admirer?

- yeah when i was seven

41. are you a good liar?

- when i need to be

42. are you a good judge of character?

- no i try to let everyone prove themselves, but mainly just makes me feel dumb when they screw me over

43. can you do any other accents other than your own?

- i don’t really have a midwestern accent anymore, but i can do one to make fun of my family members

44. do you have a strong accent?

- no

45. what’s your favorite accents?

- south african

46. what’s your personality type?

- advocate

47. what’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

- my doc martens were like $135 and i treat them like babies

48. can you curl your tongue?

- yep

49. are you an innie or an outie?

- bellybutton??? an innie but that’s super weird

50. left or right handed?

- right handed

51. are you scared of spiders?

- oh absolutely

52. favorite food?

- sushi

53. favorite foreign food?

- sushi or mexican food

54. are you a clean or messy person?

- both, i keep my room super messy, but any area of the apartment that i share with other people i keep spotless

55. most used phrase?

- “oh absolutely”

56. most used word?

- fuck

57. how long does it take you to get ready?

- roughly about an hour and 15 minutes

58. do you have much of an ego?

- depends, but in general i wouldn’t say so

59. do you suck or bite lollipops?

- suck

60. do you talk to yourself?

- who doesn’t?????

61. do you sing to yourself?

- all the time

62. are you good singer?

- i’m fine, nothing impressive

63. biggest fear?

- being kidnapped and also i’m really afraid of strange men, i can’t bring myself to trust both of them

64. are you a gossip?

- to my roommates

65. best dramatic movie you’ve ever seen?

- i really don’t know, i don’t watch a ton of dramas, mainly comedy

66. do you like long or short hair?

- on girls i like both, on guys i prefer long

67. can you name all 50 states in america?

- yeah if you gave me a few minutes

68. favorite school subject?

- biology

69. extrovert or introvert?

- introvert

70. have you ever been scuba diving?

- nope

71. what makes you nervous?

- i have anxiety :)))) so everything

72. are you scared of the dark?

- only if i’m in a strange place

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes?

- depends on my relationship with them

74. are you ticklish?

- holy shit yeah

75. have you ever started a rumor?

- nope

76. have you ever been in a position of authority?

- not one that mattered

77. have you drank underage?

- yes, i literally have more alcohol than food in my fridge rn

78. have you ever done drugs?

- yep, like three days ago

79. who was your first real crush?

- a kid named conner when i was in sixth grade

80. how many piercings do you have?

- four

81. can you roll your r’s?

- nope

82. how fast can you type?

- moderately fast

83. how fast can you run?

- not fast at all

84. what color is your hair?

- auburn

85. what color are your eyes?

- brown

86. what are you allergic to?

- shellfish

87. do you keep a journal?

- nope but i have a finsta which i use for the same reason

88. what do your parents do?

- my mom is a nurse and my dad used to be a firefighter

89. do you like your age?

- i mean i don’t like how close i am to being a real adult, but it’s fine

90. what makes you angry?

- lots of stuff

91. do you like your name?

- nope, i think it’s stupid

92. have you already thought of baby names, and if so, what are they?

- nope, no children thanks

93. do you want a boy or a girl child?

- neither

94. what are your strengths?

- i’m a good problem solver and i have a good work ethic

95.what are your weaknesses?

- i am physically weak and wayyyyy too emotional

96. how did you get your name?

- my mom watched steel magnolias in college and decided she was going to name her first daughter shelby

97. were your ancestors royalty?

- i doubt it, but on the off chance, pls send money i’m broke :))))))

98. do you have any scars?

- yes

99. color of your bedspread?

- white

100. color of your room?

- yellow

im tagging: @blackbluemichael @flowrxchild @rosecolouredash @calumsdemons @ghostofcth @what-now-lucas

[1112lw]

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so 

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s 

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears 

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so 

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so 

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb 

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so 

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget 

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked 

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so 

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep 

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically 

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if 

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY 

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old 

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so 

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no 

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal 

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee 

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school 

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official​ @ace-landofthesun​ @dorkalisious​ and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

[flyingsculptures]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @sadienita​, ur wonderful and ily

1. What takes up too much of your time? Stressing about doing things rather than actually doing them lolol

2. What makes your day better? If it’s been a bad day, then coming home and having a massive vent sesh with my roommate

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? My coworkers and I all get along, but this morning everyone was in a really good mood and joking around with each other, it was fun!!

4. What fictional place would you like to go? King Kai’s Planet in dragon ball z, that shit looks peaceful af

5. Are you good at giving advice? sometimes, depending on the topic

6. Do you have any mental illness? I do, issues with depression mostly, but anxiety as well, but things have been SO much better since I’ve gone to therapy and started medication

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? YEAH BRUH SHITS SCARY

8. What musician inspired you the most? this is gonna sound lame af, but debussy. i’m a classically trained musician and playing his pieces shaped me

9. Have you ever fallen in love? i’ve been in love with someone once, but they didn’t love me back the same way. it hurt but i’m glad i’ve experienced what it’s like to feel that way about someone

10. What’s your dream date? tbh i’m a sucker for coffee dates, but only if i know the other person at least a little bit. otherwise, maybe a museum?

11. What do others notice about you? i dunno, you’d have to ask them i guess, but i’ve been told i can be stubborn and that i care too much

12. What is the annoying habit you have? sometimes i can run over the end of peoples sentences in conversations, i think. i promise it’s only bc im excited

13. Do you still talk to your first love? lol NO

14. How many ex’s do you have? two my dude

15. How many songs are on your playlist? binch which playlist, i’m a playlist QUEEN. I think my biggest one has over 300

16. What instruments can you play? i’m a classically trained pianist, started when i was 4 or 5. because i have such a solid theory base, i can usually pick up most things, at least a little bit

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? i have a ton of pictures on my phone rn of my parents when they were super young, but otherwise maybe my roommate?

18. Where would you like to go before you die? i would want to go back to ireland, but i would want to go with my family

19. What is your zodiac? both moon and sun in taurus, ascending in leo *finger guns*

20. Do you relate to it? I don’t know how much i actually believe astrology, but i do know i’m stubborn as hell, and fairly grounded

21. What is happiness to you? watching other people be stupid happy, like not in general, but experiencing something that just makes their face light up

22. Are you going through anything right now? all day erryday

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? trying to do what made my parents happy instead of what made me happy

24. What’s your favorite store? a local store called Stick it in Your Ear, they sell records and cds and stuff

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? Pro-choice, i can’t tell anyone what to do with their own body

26. Do you keep a bucket list? mmm not really, i don’t like putting that stress on myself lolol

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment? i listen to playlists rather than albums these days tbh, so i can’t think of any

28. What do you want for your birthday? to see my KC friends, i miss them :(

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? i’ve been told i’m really intimidating when you first meet me, but once u get to know me you’ll just realize i’m a bit different (i’m NoT lIKe oThER GurLS)

30. What age do you seem according to most people? I get told a lot that i’m an old soul, whatever tf that means, i feel like i’m a living meme

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? my mattress is on the floor, so plugged in next to my head

32. What word do you say the most? ”listen”, i tend to start sentences with it

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? probs, like, 26? so about 3, 4 years older

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? i’m gonna be 23 this year, so 21 would be my limit. any younger and they feel like a baby to me

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? what would SUIT me the most? ur asking me about the thing i’ve struggled w most in my life, IDK

36. What’s your favorite music genre? pretty much anything that isn’t stadium country or absolute shrieking is a genre i’m cool with, but i really enjoy post punk revival, like modern baseball (and then of course kpop lololol)

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? i don’t think i could permanently live anywhere else, i’m too attached to my friends and family

38. What is your current favorite song? Making Breakfast by Twin Peaks

39. How long have you had this blog for? oh goodness, im not sure (i just checked and holy shit i’ve had it since aug 2012, dam)

40. What are you excited for? im not sure, it sounds sad but nothing much right now. i’m kinda just coasting and keeping my head down, which isn’t bad

41. Are you a better talker or listener? i think both, but since i’ve broken out of my shell i tend to do a lot more talking which i’m not super pleased about

42. What is the last productive thing you did? TAXES HELL YEAH MURICA

43. What do you want for Christmas? time, just time

44. What class do you get the best grades in? in high school it was english, college it was design and media classes

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? a 6 i guess, a bit stressed atm

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? bruh i aint got the foggiest, i didn’t think i’d make it this far

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i thought it was 18 bu the first genuine heartbreak was 21

48. At what age do you want to get married? idc as long as it’s before 35 tbh

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i thought it was fun to say a marine biologist lolol

50. What do you crave now? falafel. mmmmmmmmmmm 

this was neat, it was almost like a diary entry lololol, i want to hear more from @captainlokispeople @abbyarrgh @verngyu and @cult-of-time tho of course if you don’t want to or don’t have time then all is well!!

[magic-marvel]

The Wrong Girl

One-Shot

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Next time, you will use your words.

Word Count: 908

A/N: guess whos ready to get their heart broken?!!?! 

(super short update but im so tired like im literally melting in my seat rn and i swear if the discount avengers get a hold of my blog they are gonna expose me so ya girl is trying her best to keep my reputation as clean as possible {ps, its not} i love yall and please dont hate me bc my mom will literally fight me if she finds out i posted something this sad)

Request: Anon - Hello! Do you write angst? If you do is there any chance I could have a Peter Parker x reader where the reader loves him but he doesn’t see her as anything more than a friend ?I know you’ve got a few requests right now so this can wait ?

WARNING: is this considered angst?? im just gonna go ahead and say it is

Your eyes were closed. You felt nothing but the soft bristles of carpeting tickling your arms and the back of your legs. You could feel the wires of earphones wiggle past your cheek, being tugged lightly from your ear. The blasting music of your favorite song was interrupted, a mere echo of lyrics memorized now playing in your head instead of in your ear.

“I was listening to that.” You spoke up, still keeping your eyes closed.

“I wanted to tell you something.” Peter ignored your statement, choosing to poke at the curiosity in your heart, gaining your attention by the mere mention of something secretive.

“Are you finally confessing your feelings for me?” You teased, cracking a single eye open to see Peter hovering over you. You didn't move from your spot on the floor, choosing to look up from under him with both eyes now.

“You wish.” He joked back. And yet, you couldn't help but feel that cold tug at your heart, wishing that in fact that he would.

Peter pulled back, his upside down face was now gone from your view. You took this as a cue to sit up and listen what he was to say. And so you did.

“Spill it, Parker.” You commanded. Peter smiled at floor, a gentle sprinkle of pink over his ears.

This should be good.

“So, it's about Homecoming.” He started, focusing on the carpet below him. You watched as he picked at the strands, before flattening it back down to it's original form.

“Oh?” You questioned, interest peaked at the mention of the event. It would be in a week, and you hoped Peter would ask you long before that.

“Yeah, there's this girl and... well I just get so nervous around her.” He started, now his cheeks were painted scarlet. Your own heart beat in your chest, suddenly excited for what Peter had to say. It made you nervous, scared even, but you've been waiting long enough for it and you were now more than ready to hear it from him.

“Yeah?” You speak, motioning him to continue. You could barely hold in your excitement, wanting him to just come out and say it already.

Peter looked up at you for a moment, allowing you to catch exactly how red he was talking about this. He kept chewing on his lip, unsure how to continue with his confession. But you smiled at him, allowing him the courage to continue.

“And we talk you know, and I'm starting to think she's getting the idea.” Peter went back to picking at the carpet. You scooted closer, as he was speaking since his words were becoming quiet mumbles. He was embarrassed, and it was cute.

“You think so?” You ask, close enough to him to see his freckles, even the way his eyelashes bat towards the ground. He moved his gaze away, refusing to make eye contact with you as he kept going.

“I'm gonna ask her to Homecoming, but I'm super nervous about it and I don't want to make things awkward with her, you know?” Peter looked up once more, chocolate eyes staring into yours in question. His eyebrows were furrowed in worry, his own anxiety showing on his face.

You wanted to scream “Yes” and tell him that you'll go with him, but your own body had a mind of it's own, and instead moved even closer to him.

Peter opened his mouth to question you, unsure of your sudden proximity to him. But before he could get the words out, you planted your lips on his and closed your eyes.

But he didn't react.

There were a few moments between you, waiting for his own lips to move against yours or for him to hold you. But there was nothing, not even the surge of electricity you always heard about.

So you pulled away, your own face contorted in confusion.

“Peter?” You asked, wondering why he leaned away from you.

“I—I don't... I'm sorry I... don't like you like that.”

The words pierced your heart, stealing the very breath from your lungs and suffocating you into nothingness. You stared at him, feeling your heart still and your mind go blank.

“W-What?” Was all you could manage.

“I'm sorry if I-I gave you the wrong impression I-” He tried explaining, now choosing to come closer to you and reach for your hand. “I was talking about Liz, I like her.”

You pulled away before he could touch you, your muscles acting on their own. You felt the wet heat behind your eyes pool, threatening to spill on once comforting carpet. But it all seemed to itch now, scratching at exposed skin and threatening you with the dust and dirt hidden between each bristle.

So you got up.

You grabbed your things, yanking out the earphones from your phone and leaving them on Peter's floor. You could hear your name being called, desperate and apologetic. But it was all a cloud of mumbles in your head, meaningless, even.

You opened the door with a careful grip, worried that even the slightest of angry movement would shatter what remains of your heart.

You didn't turn, only speaking against the door, “I'll see you at school, Peter.”

And you closed it behind you, letting the tears fall in streaks down your cheeks.

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