#but yeah the amount of friendships/relationships I had from like. elementary school to high school(to even some of college) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

markresonates · 3 years

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summary: You’re lucky that Mark’s birthday finally gives you an excuse to get close to him

pairing: best friend!Mark x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff, tiny angst

au/tropes: childhood friends to roommates to lovers

word count: 2.7k

a/n: here’s some impulsively written Mark smut bc it's his bday + i love him and if you don't, then you're wrong<3

warnings: unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), dom!Mark, fem!reader

There is no better day for your best friend to have been born than August 2nd, 1999. Perhaps it was some cosmic luck, being that ‘99 was the year of the rabbit which symbolizes luck and good fortune, but Mark Lee was born right smack dab in the middle of two holidays: national spiderman day and national watermelon day.

“What?” he squeaked, softly shoving you away in disbelief. “Dude, no way! That’s seriously, like, too crazy.”

“Fine! Look it up if you don’t believe me,” you defended yourself, laughing at his adorable wide eyed expression.

Three years later, he still manages to bring it up repeatedly that he has a “predestined birthday,” or so he calls it. If it was anybody else making tiny jokes about fate and slipping in references to the special quality of the day multiple times, your patience would be wearing thin, so much so that you might consider making up an excuse to escape the poorly worded jokes, if only for a little while. But you would never opt out of hearing Mark’s jokes, or, honestly, his voice in general. That voice you miss hearing nonstop.

This is the first birthday you will be spending with Mark since you moved in together. It’s important to note that “moved in together” and “being together” are two separate things, no matter how much you wish they were one in the same. The thing is, just because you share an overpriced, dusty apartment, doesn't mean you spend much time with each other.

Nearly a year ago, you started to grow apart, all thanks to Mark’s controlling girlfriend. He was too naive to see through her snake-like skin in the beginning of their relationship. She was the kind of girl that never grew out of that popular, mean girl complex she developed in high school and it showed. It nearly broke your heart to see your once ride-or-die friendship, a close connection that you formed with him since elementary school, dwindle through the sands of time. All of his friends saw her for who she was as well, but no amount of mini interventions could change his mind. He had to come to that conclusion himself, something that took him seven months to do.

You heard it through the walls. Their relationship had met its final crescendo with a loud, full out yelling match ringing through the apartment. You could only make out parts of the harsh accusations and aggressive rebuttals but you got the gist of the context. Based on fractions of dialogue, you pieced together that his girlfriend had been carefully working her toxic magic to persuade Mark to turn away from you. Apparently this was the thing that flipped a switch within him and shattered the illusion of a caring, sincere relationship he saw in the mirror.

He sulked around the apartment for a single week before it appeared as if he had cleansed himself of her. It was nice to see him chipper and somehow visibly healthier after this short period of mourning but seeing him way more often was unexpectedly awkward. By the time his birthday rolled around, it had been a month since that week, and that awkward feeling like you do not recognize the person you used to know like the back of your hand lingers today too.

You get home from work to find Mark and Haechan slouching in the middle of the couch. You kick off your shoes by the door and swallow thickly. “Hey, have you guys eaten already?” you ask, raising your voice over the volume of some movie that barely holds their attention.

Mark flinches at the sound of your voice, speedily clicking pause on the remote. “God, fu- I didn’t see you come in. Uh, yeah the boys took me out to eat a while ago.”

“Oh, okay… well, happy birthday, Mark! I'm just gonna, you know, go to my room. I’m a little tired from work and all,” you lie. “I’ll leave your present on your bed.” You waste a handful of seconds waiting for him to reply when all that plays out is an uncomfortable moment of silence.

Haechan gets up from his seat, breaking the quiet atmosphere. “Is anyone going to say anything or are we holding our breaths until we pass out?”

Mark watches his friend collect his belongings and stands up in protest. “Wait, are you leaving? Don't go!”

Haechan ignores his question, instead engulfing him in his arms, and struggles to kiss Mark’s cheek, which to the birthday boy’s dismay, successfully makes contact with his cheek. “Happy birthday!” He makes a swift exit, hugging you along the way and leaving the room in that awkward silence that clogged the air like before.

You sigh loudly and start to stroll down the hall to your room when you hear Mark call out, “Hey, y/n, wait! It’s really lucky, like how my birthday is lucky, that you got here right when Haechan was leaving and I know you’re tired and stuff but, like, it’s my birthday and I was hoping you’d watch the rest of the movie with me?”

Your mind flashes to images of how this situation could go. You do not know for sure what streaming platform he is using but honestly does it really matter?

You freeze as your stomach does a flip. “I was thinking I'd take a shower right now and get the smell of work off of me?” Your response comes off as a question while you are praying he would object to your leave and want you no matter what; and lucky for you, your prayers are answered.

“y/n, I really don’t care about that with you, don’t you know that? I just wanna finish the netflix movie with you… and it’s still my birthday so, count this as part of your present… please?”

Netflix and chill IS A THING and there is a chance that this situation could turn out the way you wanted: naked underneath his body and completely filled up by his hard cock.

But then again, you are probably overthinking this. He’s had years to make a move on you and he never has. The dirty scenes exist in your mind and your mind alone. He doesn't think of you like that obviously.

Or does he?

“Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I’ll do it later. Let me go put my stuff in my room.” The walk down the hall feels long, taking slow cautious steps as your mind swirls with uncertainty and your panties pool with arousal. There, you toss your stuff on the bed with no regard to their condition and step out to return to the living room.

“Actually, can we, uh, do it in my room? The movie I mean! Like finish the movie,” He awkwardly folds his arms and leans against the doorway to his room.

Watching a movie with him in bed. Yeah that doesn't sound suspicious at all.

You snort at his attempt to look cool. “Sure, that’s fine.”

He moves your carefully wrapped birthday present to the nightstand. Not before long, the both of you are leaning back against his headboard, and a tingling in the lower half of your abdomen buzzes distractingly. You sit one foot away from each other with equally tense muscles and hands folded in your laps. The boring movie drones on with a nonsensical plot that you dedicate a fourth of your attention to. You move your hand and lay it at your side, positioning it in between you and Mark’s thighs if he so happens to want to hold your hand.

“Have you opened any pres- Oh.” Your voice falters as his hand slips into yours. He intertwines your fingers and gives your hand a gentle squeeze, something that is such a simple, innocent gesture but causes butterflies in your stomach nonetheless. His eyes are glued to the screen, avoiding staring at your hand or meeting your gaze. “Mark, look at me,” you whisper, growing tired of him purposefully ignoring you.

He lolls his head to the side slowly, rubbing his perfect pink lips together. Looking down to his hand for a second, he pulls it out of your grasp and tentatively trails it up your thigh. He hums in a way inferring “what?”

Your mind goes blank for two seconds before you hoist yourself up from the bed and throw your leg over his lap. His hands immediately swing to your hips then slide lower to take handfuls of your body and control the rhythm of how you grind on him.

“Fuck, I’ve waited so long for this,” he sighs, already out of breath.

“I bet it’s not as long as me though,” you moan. Rolling your hips in his lap at an increased speed lures a sweet sounding groan of pleasure from his pretty mouth. “God, I love hearing your voice.”

He leans forward with no warning to capture your lips with his. You slow the pace of your hips to match the sensual, affectionate kiss. His tongue penetrates the warmth of your mouth and you nearly choke on a moan that vibrates in your throat. You never expected making out with Mark to be as meaningful and hot as it is now, getting lost in his sincere kisses. He pulls away to lay his forehead against yours as his hands take full control of your motions and grind your core over his strained, hard length. The arousing motion is so sudden that you sob and tighten your grip on his shoulders.

“Shit, y/n are you okay? I’m really sorry if that hurt,” he retracts his hands from your body in a panic.

You rock your body back and climb off his lap. You crawl off the bed to remove the rest of your clothing and he follows suit. His eyes go wide seeing his best friend undressing in front of him, tugging your shirt over your head, undoing your bra in the back, slipping off your pants and panties in one sweep. He displays a proud smile when he gets a look at your panties. “I got you this wet?”

You ring your hands around his neck, connecting your mouth to the sensitive spot close to his ear and seductively hiss, “Mark, shut up and fuck me already.” Slinking up the mattress and laying on your back compels Mark to replicate your movement until he is on top of you.

He jerks back and eyes you with worry. “Hold up, should I, like, get a condom?”

“Well we both just got tested last month like *every sexually active person if supposed to do every year* and we were clean. And I take birth control, so I’m alright if you are?”

He presses his body to yours while he goes in for another sweet kiss then gets to his knees. He looks down at you, taking his bottom lip in between his teeth, with this lustful, sharp gaze in substitute for the innocent twinkle you see outside of the bedroom. “Yeah, I’m alright,” he grunts in a gravely tone that unbelievably turns you on even more.

Reaching down to grab the back of your thighs, he hauls your body closer to him and pries your legs open wider. He fools you into thinking he is about to sink himself deep inside you, but instead he gets on his stomach, latching his mouth to your hot slit.

“M-Mark! please, I want you inside me so bad,” you cry out as his tongue circles around your clit then sucks down hard.

“But it’s my birthday, y/n,” he fake pouts, going back to lapping at your slick folds. Two fingers dive into you and pet your soft walls with vigor. Your most sensitive spot heats up as a familiar pressure builds.

“P-please, I don’t want to come now, I wanna come with you,” you whine.

“God, I love how you’re so desperate for me, baby,” he comments breathlessly. Granting your wishes this time around, he sets himself up at your entrance. He collects your cum on his fingers and rubs it up and down his length, pumping himself in his hands until he is satisfied with how slick and hard he is. “Ready?”

You hum in confirmation and angle your neck down to see where your dripping hole swallows his cock. The fucked out, pleasured moans that you and Mark emit are likely heard by the neighbors but you couldn't care less if you were fined for a hundred noise complaints. There is no way you would ever develop the ability to suppress the blissful cry as he slides inside you, spreading your walls as he thrusts his full length in until his pelvis meets your body and he can’t plunge any further. After the handful of seconds he allows you to adjust to his size, he rocks into you deeply. The steady, reasonably tame pace he starts off with lasts about 30 seconds. You squeal when he hooks his hands to your hips and lifts your lower half up another few inches to get a better angle at pounding into you on his knees. Every thrust reaches in deepest possible and hits the magic spot inside you.

Your body twitches when he winds his hand around to rub your clit. There is a fluttering that you hold back in your abdomen, a chore made difficult by his relentless pounding and skillful fingers. “Mark, are you c-close?”

“Yeah, pretty close, baby. But I don’t think you’re going to be able to hold out long enough to come with me, princess,” he teases.

He increases his intensity because of your challenge, hastily defiling you and stimulating your sensitive button with tireless rubbing. Throbbing knots tie too quickly for you to manage restraint and you peak 30 seconds later. The fire from your climax radiates through your veins, the kind of mind dizzying orgasm you dreamed about from Mark. A rippling, nearly stinging pleasure from the overstimulation by his fingers pushes your convulsions to last longer.

You love the face that Mark is making as he watches where your body’s connect, pumps inside you listlessly. His brow is furrowed, lips parted enough so his tongue can rub over the bottom one, continually wetting it and giving his lips a pretty glossy look, while the corners of his mouth turn up in a slight smile. You can't tell if his smile stems from the feeling of filling you up as his cock is hugged tightly inside you, or a smile from making you come so incredibly hard, but you could read it all over his face that he was seconds away from his own heaven by the way his mouth twitched.

His eyes fluttered shut as pleasure sweeps over his body. He lets out a noise that is somewhere in between a growl and a croak. The feeling of being filled with Mark’s cum is indescribable; it just feels like you are whole and warm even after he pulls out. He carefully leans over to his nightstand to retrieve a toilet paper roll. “Baby, you look so pretty right now,” he praises you. “The look on your face is just, like- argh, fuck. And how my cum is spilling out of you? God, wow.”

There is a period of silence, but it's not the awkward vibe that pre-sex with Mark Lee had. “Hey, you know what’s kind of funny?” you mumble lethargically, starting to feel him wiping you down.

“Hmm, what’s that?”

You get to your elbows and peer down to the guy you dreamed about for years. He’s the one you imagined when you close your eyes and envision walking on the beach hand in hand, getting caught in rain storms together and having to share an umbrella, losing track of time with him because you’re too in love to spare a single glance at a clock, and growing old together knowing you were the luckiest girl on the planet. “You really did get lucky tonight, huh?”

He bursts out laughing, slapping the bed next to your leg in amusement with a volume that’s just a little too loud but you love regardless. When he calms down and you're all clean (according to Mark’s standards), he pulls you to your feet and holds you close. “No… I’m lucky I have you.”

happy birthday Mark!!

i posted @ 11:59 pm of august 2nd where i live…literally posted at the very last minute BUT i wasn't late !!

my masterlist

#neowritingsnet #nct mark #mark lee smut #mark lee scenarios #mark nct #mark lee #mark scenarios #nct mark smut #nct dream smut #nct 127 smut #nct smut #nct scenarios #mark #nct dream scenarios #nct dream #nct 127 scenarios #lee mark

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enhyupn · 3 years

Text

enhypen as characters inspired by animes ᯤ

tagging @youreverydayzebra @ncityy04 @rheyom

ot7!enhypen x gn!reader, fluff, warnings: mentions of (jokingly) dying, swear words, reader’s in a maid outfit in jay’s one but no mentions of a certain gender, word count: 3.3k

a/n most of these aren’t the same as the animes mentioned but instead just inspired or loosely inspired by the plot! also some of these aren’t the same in word count and i apologise for that ]:

∷ heeseung — orange

heeseung as the new kid at school and he’s so pretty that everyone just. Stops in place and just stares at him as he introduces himself

funnily enough you already saw this coming, realising this was the same heeseung the letter you received that morning told you about

what was funnier was the fact that letter was coming from the future you

you didn’t believe it Then because like... it kinda sounds too stupid to be true

but then BOOM there heeseung is

your teacher makes him sit beside you and you’re just trying to wrap your head around how crazy all of this is

your letter even told you that he was going to sit beside you, why was all of this coming true????

you didn’t read on because you were in a rush to get to school but maybe if that letter warned you about how pretty he was, you wouldn’t of been that flustered when he started talking to you

“hey i’m heeseung!” “ummm yeah, i’m y/n... yeah”

when school ends you RACE home to get to that letter again

rest of heeseung + of the members under the cut!

your future self was gonna have a lot of explaining to do...

turns out the future you Let this same heeseung walk out of your life so now you have to fix this

“dear past me, i can’t believe i was this stupid to let him leave my life like this— how stupid am i??”

now you make it your mission to keep your barely started relationship not go rocky

and oh boy would that be a challenge for the years to come

not because heeseung’s a terrible bf, future you just gave terrible tips

everyday after that you and heeseung (like the letter said) turned into great friends

great friends as in friends that people think that are dating

soon that friendship became a relationship... and a very strong one to be honest

your letters were weirdly very accurate

a firework festival... how he confessed to you... all of it was in those letters

honestly you should scold them for letting heeseung get away!!

you secretly wanna tease them that YOU have heeseung by your side and they don’t but... you can’t really do that

you tell heeseung about the letters one day and he just. Stares at you in astonishment

because he also received letters on the same day you got them from future him too

turns out future you and heeseung both regret their decision

poor them but at least present you gets to kiss heeseung whenever you want 😇

not to spoil anything but heeseung didn’t end up walking out of your life <3 instead you two are now sickly in love

∷ jay — maid-sama

you work at a maid café mainly because you needed the money and honestly... it wasn’t even that bad of a job

i mean compared to your school president life — trying to keep teenage boys out of trouble — happily serving polite and friendly (most of the time) customers was definitely a steal

one boy in particular gave you a bit more trouble than the rest of them however

he wasn’t bad or anything, just... a serial heart breaker

jay park was always on your radar due to the fact so many people would go up to you asking you to tell him to be nicer with his rejections

he wasn’t complied to be nicer but 😍 what can you do

safe to say that you didn’t think you had the best relationship with him

you couldn’t understand him even more when you saw him prettily sitting at the tables at your work

may i add, with you in your very own maid outfit as well as a twitching eye

“y/n! looking great” “thanks m-ma-mas—” “your customer service is terrible”

and the fact he came every day after that day made you feel Terrified

and also a little excited to go to work but you’d never admit that!!!

having him stare at you while you cheerily wrote with ketchup on omelettes was... definitely not how you thought your relationship would be like

he would also make small talk too

and visit you after your shift!!! walking you home

now... his daily visits turned into genuine great conversations on the way home

you realised he wasn’t as bad as you made him out to be

he just had strong beliefs that he should only accept a confession if it’s from someone he loves

you didn’t know how... but now You Have Feelings For him.

and seeing him when smile at you every time you serve him at that little maid café... ARGGGG it drove you absolutely mad

the way he oozed out confidence... was sweet and quite literally the prettiest person you’ve ever seen... how could you not

and what other way to confess to him than at the very place your relationship blossomed at!

you wrote “i like you” with ketchup on fried rice for him... yeah

thankfully he was over the moon and Had to hold back kissing you in front of the customers

now you two were dating <3 with the help of a maid café

and that really only left you with one more question

“why did you start visiting this maid café in the first place?”

∷ jake — kimi no todoke

being the quiet student is never. a good thing

especially when you’re ostracised by your class because you never participate

you actually want to but you can’t build any confidence to do so

you never caught the attention of anyone

well... besides a certain popular boy by the name of jake sim

oh boy was this gonna be a culture shock to the girls that have a crush on him

he noticed you on the first day of school when you asked him for directions to your classroom

he won’t ever forget it, the way you had a huge excited smile on his face as the cherry blossoms fell softly around you

he quotes, it looked like you came straight out of heaven because it looked like you had wings on you

he didn’t know how to get your attention though.

every time he tried to do so you wouldn’t even look at him and would just look down at your desk

it hurt him to see you so isolated

that’s when he had the bright idea to ask you if you wanted to walk with him home

bad idea (kinda), because you did accept but you didn’t know what to do the whole time because you’ve never walked home with someone before

it was bad enough that jake was absolutely Stunning. like blindingly attractive

you didn’t know what to say at all

well until you came across a small puppy making it’s way up to the two of you

they were so cute that you just squealed out of excitement

jake was so surprised to hear Something from you that he just instantly put on this huge genuine grin

“there’s no tag on them!” your upsetting tone sent jake into haywire

he literally watched you pet that dog with literal heart eyes he wasn’t even being sutble

he takes a picture of you and he Stupidly leaves the ringer on so you hear him and everything

he was so embarrassed about it

“did you just take a picture of me?” “y-yeah” “oh... is that what people do?”

you literally had no idea how to interact with people so you thought what he did was Normal

somehow this caused jake’s crush on you to develop Quick

especially when you grabbed his hand to pull you closer to the dog

his heart was beating so fast he didn’t know what to do

he is self proclaimed the biggest dog lover but for some reason... he wasn’t even looking at the dog, not even trying to play with it

he was just staring at you with his doting eyes as you smiled and giggled while playing with the dog

he wasn’t gonna confess yet though because he still has to develop your relationship

in true shoujo romance anime fashion, he was gonna confess twelve episodes (probably a year) later <3

∷ sunghoon — ao haru ride

no i definitely did not put sunghoon for ao haru ride because i have a huge crush on kou and sunghoon... /s

you and sunghoon were in the same elementary class because... fate

you had the biggest crush on him and even your mom knew him because he was a well known figure skater

but who didn’t have a crush on him was the real question

being the young confident elementary student you were, you always talked to him

forever talking to him to the point where you two were Actually really good friends

you thought you were on cloud9

but. turns out figure skating takes a lot more training than you had thought so

you literally cried Buckets and Buckets when you found out he had to train in like russia for an unsure amount of time

there was no way on contacting him too since you had no phone, no nothing

so he left. and you didn’t know what to do with yourself

ok flash forward noises

now you’re in high school! still... gripping onto that crush you have on sunghoon

but you think it’s fine since you are Functioning without him i guess

well until you bump into someone with a very familiar voice...

“watch where you’re going” talk about passive Aggressive 🤨

and when you look up because obviously you were gonna start yelling at him

well. You just froze in shock when you were faced with sunghoon’s raised eyebrow smirking at you

and what was the logical thing to do apparently?

cry. right in front of him.

he just froze as he watched you sob while everyone stared at him

he was trying to explain himself while at the same time Dragging you Away because he couldn’t let you just cry in the middle of the hallway

now you two were at the top of some stairway as you sniffled recovering from your endless crying

“why were you crying? “how could i not when you’re here?”

turns out that sunghoon Knew you were at the same school as him but wanted you to figure it out yourself

it took you almost six months. to figure out sunghoon was in your grade.

but what next? do you rekindle your friendship or...

“i’ve changed” okay maybe that answered your question

and before he could even explain himself he just... Got up and left????? for no reason

and that’s when tsundere sunghoon started to come into play.

you constantly tried talking to him but it would end up with the two of you bickering

you walked home the same way too

weirdly enough He was very nice to you sometimes

letting you place your head on his shoulder, lovingly smiling at you, being very Oddly romantic

he was giving you mixed signals.

and there came that old elementary school crush... gearing back up for a second round

“what are we?” now you decided being bold was the right thing to do

he just stared at you and shrugged.

now here comes the water works

you started crying uncontrollably Again but this time sunghoon looked really guilty and comforted you

he even hugged you. (Wow... Development)

he then explained to you that he Likes you (omg) but he’s scared that he might have to pack up and leave you again and he doesn’t want you to get too attached

and you’re like “we have each other’s numbers this time though?”

sunghoon’s just like Ohhhh

that’s how you started dating

and rekindled that elementary crush (successfully)

∷ sunoo — toilet-bound hanako-kun

being the bold and adventurous person you are. You decided to call onto your school’s very own ghost

because you had the biggest crush on this upperclassman you needed the support of a Spirit to help you

“ummmm hey... school spirit, i’m kinda in love with someone and i heard—” “hi” and then you fall onto the ground because something scares you

turns out the spirit’s name is sunoo and you just summoned him

it also turns out this spirit was kinda cute 😟

he had offered you something like a book — telling you if you follow all the rules — you’ll end up dating your crush

turns out it was just a middle school romance book you could of bought at dollar tree.

you were rightfully mad at him Since all you did was end up embarrassing yourself

somehow during your argument, your eyes caught a glimpse of something in his pocket

you took it. because you deserved it

and ATE IT when sunoo told you that it grants you any wish when consumed

you didn’t even need to listen to any of the disclaimers because it was already in your stomach

one things turns into another and now you’re a spiritually bound fish to sunoo.

turns out what you ate was mermaid scales and he needed to eat one too so you could turn human (he told you he can’t explain it because it’s a long story!)

you two are now bonded together (4lyfe 🥺🤞) and you aren’t that happy due to the fact he was always teasing you and playing around with you!!!!

you were now his human assistant.

you helped him with cleaning the toilets and he helped you by saving you from the supernatural

very well balanced relationship

you grew very fond of sunoo as time went on

even though you almost died a few times... he was always there to save you from whatever the spiritual world had to offer

i won’t spoil anything but... school spirit sunoo seemed to have a soft spot for you too 😇

you showed him your passion for art and everything like that

you tried to dodge questions about the... y’know... why he was a spirit

knowing that it would probably hurt him

plus he didn’t have all those things coming after him for nothing

falling in love with a ghost wasn’t what... you were expecting when you first joined your school

but i guess you had no choice since he was spiritually bound to you!

∷ jungwon — whisper of the heart

you loved the library dearly, you loved reading and writing— just books in general

your favourite place was a really big cosy library a few minutes away from your house

you had always borrowed more than three books every visit

and every time you would look at who borrowed the book, the same exact name would show up each book you borrowed

“yang jungwon... he seems to have good taste in books”

you would dreamily sigh thinking about what this jungwon looked like

later on in the week you were writing a story at the park— y’know, normal things

your friend called you out of the blue for some reason rushing for you to help them

out of panic you forgot your book on the bench and didn’t realise when you had finally finished helping out your friend

to your surprise there was already someone sitting on the bench

and Reading Your Very Own Story

you literally just run up to him and snatch it from his hands because you’re embarrassed!!!

what didn’t help was the fact that the first thing he did was Laugh in your face about it .

he called your story stupid!!! and critiqued it!!!!

you just bicker with him and complain to your friend about it later that night

the next day you thought that... maybe if you went to the library again you might spot this yang jungwon

so you make it your mission to get to the library

funnily enough your plan had failed in an instant when your eyes caught a cat that you just became curious about

you followed it because it just wouldn’t stop getting away from you

it also looked like it was taking you somewhere but 😦

after a tiring ten minutes of following this cat from hell and back. It brought you to this old antique shop

you instantly fell in love with the store and everything in it

you were so distracted by everything that you hadn’t realised someone was behind you

you could feel your eyes widen when you realised it was the same boy from the park

holding that same cat you were following too????

“why are you here?” his eyes literally started Squinting at you

he then proceeded to tell you about how his vocal lessons were nearby and more importantly that the cat was His

he asks you if you want to go visit where he does his lessons and Obviously being as curious as you were, you accepted

when he brought you there you could see his eyes instantly sparkle from just being there cute... kinda

he even started to sing for you and that’s when you thought that he wasn’t that bad

some of his teachers started to join in too and before you knew it, the sun was already gone and you’ve spent the whole time with some boy that you were supposed to hate

“jungwon, who’s your friend” your body Froze in shock when you heard that name

jungwon thought you were stupid for not knowing your name and now you realise you’ve been crushing on him this whole time

(i refuse to continue on more with this because it’ll be too long unless some of you want a oneshot of this 😍)

∷ ni-ki — haikyuu

being forced by your teacher to sign up to be some volleyball team’s manager was Not that fun to experience

but there you were, managing a volleyball practice of that very own team

thankfully, it was safe to say you had a good relationship with all of them

and an even Better relationship with a certain volleyball player

nishimura riki and you were practically glued to the hip

you were so incredibly thankful that he was the first one to speak to you when you first started becoming their manager

the rest of them were tall and scary but riki was just tall and friendly

he was so energetic and just So bright that you couldn’t help but look forward to seeing him every day you had practice

he would even teach you how to play volleyball

like he’d be like “isn’t this move so cool? let me teach you it!”

at this point you could be a professional volleyball player with the help of riki

you were overjoyed watching them win their final match to compete in the spring interhigh

you were also incredibly happy to know that riki scored the winning point

he couldn’t stop telling you about it and you just kept excitedly praising him and not to play favourites but you weren’t this excited when heeseung scored the previous winning point

even though you and your team were excited, you could feel how nervous they were when they entered the huge gymnasium

they were surrounded by all the best high school volleyball teams in the country

the very first team they went up against gave them a very Tough time

you remember sweating so hard when the scores were almost the same, the other team leading in that set

you decided that. Maybe you could help

“riki! you can do it” your shouting somehow caused riki to instantly become energised

everything was a blur up until your team had Won the match

and all because you gave riki some encouragement

he literally ran to you the second they had won and almost knocked you down

you didn’t wanna tell him that he was sweaty so you just let him carry on hugging you tightly

the rest of the team was like “why didn’t you cheer us on like you did with riki?”

and when you tried to explain your face just started heating up like crazy

so you ignored the subject.

riki just took it as he was your favourite

but what you didn’t want to tell them was the fact that you had a crush on him

as if it wasn’t obvious enough 😟

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allthatyoulove · 3 years

Text

12:51

Modern/Highschool AU James “Bucky” Barnes / Reader

Summary: Your ex best friend and his new band are performing for the first time and you decide to go watch them perform. You didn’t expect the song to be about you.

Warnings: angst, cussing, fluff

Words: 2.5k

A/N: My first one-shot!!! This was inspired by the song 12:51 by The Strokes! Let me know what you think, and give me any suggestions for future one-shots! (Also let me know if I missed any warnings) Thanks for stopping by :)

You know when you can feel, deep down somewhere, that whatever you’re about to do is a dumb fucking idea? I don’t know why I was ignoring that feeling, but there was nothing that could stop me now.

I shivered, wrapping my arms tighter around myself as I walked down the dimly lit street. As I got closer to my destination, the music coming from inside the house started to become louder. I pulled my hand from the inside of my jacket where I attempted to keep it warm to check the time.

12:45.

I had snuck out of my house to go to this party everyone was going to. It was a Friday night, and I was originally thinking of skipping this week’s party, until I found out who was playing.

Bucky Barnes.

Or, I guess, James Barnes.

James and I had been best friends since we were kids. I can’t even remember how we met, I just remember us being attached at the hip since kindergarten. We lived in the same houses, right next to each other, through our entire lives. We went through all of our worst phases together.

I started to get feelings for him in middle school, when I realized that was a thing that happened when you started to grow up. I never told him, scared I would ruin our friendship, and our lives continued as they always have.

Then, highschool started.

Bucky and I began our rebellious phase together, starting to sneak out every Friday night to the party that was happening that week. We would get forties and lay on the roof of our houses afterwards around 1 am, looking at the stars and talking or doing karaoke to our favorite songs. I fell more and more in love with him every day.

Towards the end of freshman year, the upperclassmen at the parties we went to started to take notice of him. They would dare him to jump off the roof into the pool, or to drink as much as he could through a beer funnel. And he would do it, always the people pleaser. They liked how he listened to them, and took him under their wing.

He stopped hanging out with me after that.

I would go up to him, and he would say he had to go to his next class or that his friends were waiting up for him so he couldn’t talk. He wouldn’t let me call him Bucky anymore, because everyone knew him as James and he didn’t want to explain our relationship, or lack-thereof, to them.

Eventually we stopped hanging out altogether, avoiding each other in school and day-to-day, and pretended we never knew each other.

It’s not like I didn’t have or make new friends, because I did, but it was never the same. Bucky- or, James- and I’s bond was something special. Something I couldn’t find with anyone else. I tried to adapt to the friends around me, tried to like the things they liked, but I always felt like James was the only person I could open up to.

Now we’re seniors, and James had started a band with a couple of his friends earlier that year. This party was the first time they were performing in front of people, and I wanted to go watch. I was curious.

A couple minutes later I finally walked into the party, looking around through the crowd of people. I said hi to a group of people I knew, when I heard him.

“Hey everyone, how are you guys feeling tonight?”

The crowd gave a response of shouts and cheers. While everyone looked towards the direction of the stage, I took the distraction as a chance to make my way towards them.

I found my way towards the front, standing behind a couple of people that were a couple of feet from the stage.

And there he was.

He was in a black shirt and black biker jacket with black jeans. His hair was tucked behind his ears, with a few strands in front of his face from slightly leaning down to the mic.

He looked good.

It wasn’t a very big or high stage, being that it’s in someone's house, but it made the view of them much easier to see.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” he laughed, “Well, my friends and I here got a song we’d like to perform for you. This one is called 12:51.”

More cheers erupted from the crowd.

I stood there, putting my hands in my jacket pockets, looking up at him. The people in front of me moved slightly to group with their friends, moving me more towards the front.

We made eye contact as I got shoved slightly towards the front. His eyes blinked a couple times, mouth slightly falling open upon seeing me for the first time. He blushed a little before the sound of the bass and drums started to play, snapping him back into reality. He looked down for a second before grabbing the mic and looking back up at me. I kept my gaze neutral, waiting for him to sing.

“Talk to me now, I’m older

Your friend told you ‘cause I told her

Friday nights have been lonely

Change your plans and then phone me”

He pulled away from the mic, clapping to the beat as he kept his gaze on me. He looked sad, not moving from my eyes as he began to sing again.

“We could go and get forties

Fuck going to that party

Oh really, your folks are away now?

Alright, let’s go, you convinced me”

My mouth slightly fell open at the first line, my eyes tearing up as he seemingly sang that line to me. My brows furrowed as I listened to the lyrics.

“12:51 is the time

My voice found the words I sought

Is it this stage I want?

The world is shutting out for us

Oh, we were tense for sure

But we was confident”

He grabbed the mic with both hands, making it obvious he was looking at me as he sang the rest of the song.

“Kiss me, now that I’m older

I won’t try to control you

Friday nights have been lonely

Take it slow but don’t warn me

We’d go out and get forties

Then we’d go to some party

Oh really, your folks are away now?

Alright I’m coming, I’ll be right there”

He stepped back from the mic, panting as the song finished. Everyone began to cheer and clap, as I stood there stunned. A tear had rolled down my cheek sometime before the song finished and I wiped it away as I stood there looking at him.

He looked around at the rest of the crowd briefly, smiling and saying thank you as he blew kisses towards the crowd.

I turned to leave as I pushed my way through the cheering group of people. A few tears begrudgingly fell as I tried to find my way out.

I didn’t know what to think.

The things he mentioned in the song were too specific to be about anyone else. What hurt the most was finding out how he felt about me like this. We hadn’t spoken in over 2 years. Now he’s in a band, writing songs about how he misses me and wants me to kiss him?

Fuck, I need a drink.

I made a detour to the kitchen before leaving to look for some alcohol. The kitchen island had many choices to choose from, all of the bottles sprawled across the table. I grabbed the first one I saw and drank from the bottle.

The burn of the drink going down my throat was exactly what I needed.

I wiped at my mouth with my sleeve as I put the bottle down and took a second to let the liquor go down.

I went back to my original route to the front door, when the group of friends I talked to earlier stopped me.

“Hey where ya going? We’re all thinking of doing s'more shots, wanna join?”

“I think I’m gonna head home, not really in the party mood anymore.”

“D’ya need someone to bring you home?”

I looked around the group, all of them struggling to stand up straight or laughing at nothing.

“No I’ll be fine. Thanks though, have a nice night.”

“Okay byeeeeeeee!!!”

I laughed and shook my head, turning to finish my walk out the door when someone called my name. I knew that voice. It was a voice I could recognize anywhere, no matter the amount of alcohol in my body or the blaring music that resumed over the speakers. I rushed out the door, turning left and speed-walking the way I came.

“Hey! Wait!” I heard the sound of someone running behind me.

Well, shit, I’m not gonna break into a sprint to get away from him.

I stopped walking on the sidewalk, turning around to face him.

He finished jogging up to me, out of breath. He stood there for a second staring at me and panting.

"Did you run over to me just to stare or do you have something you'd like to talk about?"

He laughed faintly, shaking his head at the ground and using his hand to push the side of his hair back.

"Sorry, I- uh, yeah I wanted to talk to you. It's been a while."

"Yup" I said, popping the "p". I lightly rocked back and forth on the heels of my feet as we looked at each other. I was getting impatient with standing here trying to decipher whatever code he was speaking in. Whatever he was trying to say needed to find its way out.

"So, what'd you think of the song?"

"Bucky" I sighed, "I think I should-"

"Y'know you're the only one who ever calls me Bucky"

I stopped mid-sentence, taking a second to process what he said.

"Until you told me to stop. Guess it's a still a habit"

He sighed and looked down, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

"Listen. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you so badly, and I'm sorry for ditching you like that, and I'm sorry for- well just being an asshole in general, and I-"

"Bucky."

"-know you probably don't want to hear this, because I'm about 3 years late, but I want you to know that I-"

"Bucky."

"miss you. So much. I have ever since I did that to you, and I don't know why I did it, but it took me this long to figure out that-"

"Bucky!"

"I'm in love with you."

He finally looked up at me, finishing his rant and even more out of breath than he was before. I froze, looking at him shocked.

"What?"

"I've loved you since elementary."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My lifelong best friend, who I've been in love with since middle school, who abandoned me freshman year, has been in love with me too. For even longer. My mind was racing with questions.

"Wait- since elementary?"

"Yes."

"And you still are?"

"Yes."

"Even after not talking to me for over 2 years?"

He winced before answering. "Yes."

"Why did you end our friendship like that? How could you do that to me?"

He shook his head, averting his eyes back to the ground as he winced again.

"I'm so sorry, I- I just couldn't- I-I thought that coming into high school you would start making all these friends, and I guess freshman me thought it would be best if I just found some friends first. You know, to soften the blow I guess."

I furrowed my brows, looking at him incredulously.

"So you ended our lifelong friendship because you were scared I'd make friends?"

"Well fuck, when you put it like that-"

"How the fuck am I supposed to put it, Bucky? That's what happened, right?

"Yeah. That's what happened."

We met each other's eyes again. He looked defeated as he put his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

"Can you please tell me what you thought of the song" he whispered, blinking slowly at me.

I sighed sharply as my tongue pressed against the side of my mouth.

"Did you mean it? What you said?"

"Every word."

I shivered and shrugged, shaking my head.

"What do you want me to say, James?"

He winced for the third time at the sound of me using his name.

"I want you to say you'll think about forgiving me, I want you to say you feel the same, I want you to be in my life again. I want you."

I shut my eyes for a second and sighed. He's in love with me, and he wants me. He's in love with me. He has been since elementary. He wants me in his life. He loves me. A couple seconds passed before I responded.

"Of course I feel the same way, I have for, like, 5 years. And I'll think about forgiving you. Only because the song was sorta good-"

"Can I kiss you?"

The rest of my sentence died as I looked up at him confused. Did I hear him right?

"What did you say?"

"Can I kiss you?" he repeated, licking his lips as his gaze darted from my eyes to my lips.

"Yes."

He was closing the space between us as soon as the word left my lips. He pulled his hands from his jacket, using them to hold my face as he kissed me.

I leaned into the kiss, trying to ignore the fireworks going off in my stomach.

He moved his hands to go around my waist, wrapping his arms around me to hold me against him. I brought my arms up to wrap around the back of his head as the kiss deepened.

I pulled away and looked at him, running my fingers through his hair as his arms stayed locked around my waist. We smiled at each other as he darted between looking at my eyes and lips. I brushed his hair behind his ears before he spoke.

"What d'ya say we go to your house and sit on the roof, like we used to?"

"What about the drinks?"

"I think the amount of alcohol you chugged in the kitchen should be enough for tonight"

I laughed and kissed him again. With or without the alcohol, I was drunk on Bucky and the happiness in this moment we shared. It felt as if the years without him had turned me into a zombie, and this kiss brought me back to life. An antidote that I didn't know I needed.He eventually put me down as we began to walk back to our street, hand in hand.

I had gotten my best friend back.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes modern au #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky imagine

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nicknellie · 3 years

Text

Anonymous requested: Carrie and Flynn play love interests on TV, and viewers ship them together hard core, not knowing that off camera there is some MAJOR pining (hidden by fake “hatred” for each other) happening. featuring background willex being exasperated by their lesbian friends not knowing how to function around each other?

I’m sorry you sent such an amazing request and then I effectively left you on read for literally months. Seriously anon, this is glorious, I had so much fun writing it. I got like 1.5k words in and realised I had not yet got to anything even close to your request, so there’s quite a bit of background, but I’m still happy with how it turned out (even if it is a lot angstier than you were probably expecting). I really hope you like it, thank you for being so patient!

She Was a Goddamn Dream

Despite the way she acted, there weren’t actually that many things that Carrie Wilson was completely and utterly certain that she was good at. There was her singing and dancing, but every time she watched back recordings of her performances she would pick out a dozen things she could have improved upon; there was her acting, but every time it got to the tenth take of a scene she began to feel like she was messing up time and time again, tripping over her words, delivering her lines flatly with no emotion; there was her frequent attempts to connect with her fanbase, but every now and then a fan would take it too far and she would feel like the one who had ruined it all. People could tell her those things didn’t matter or that they weren’t her fault as many times as they liked, but it never stopped them gnawing away at Carrie’s self-esteem, making her feel like sometimes she didn’t deserve the fame or renown she had built for herself over the years.

But there was one thing she knew for a fact that she was good at: being in love with Flynn Taylor and hiding it.

Carrie had first met Flynn in elementary school. She had been playing with her long-time best friends Alex and Julie when little Flynn, a new student, had walked up to them and asked if she could join in because their game (something about aliens and cowboys if Carrie remembered correctly) looked really fun. Carrie could still recall how Flynn had looked that day, even if it was going on twenty years ago – her hair hung down by her shoulders in cute twists, she had worn a bright pink t-shirt and blindingly yellow dungarees, and she wore sneakers that lit up when she stamped her feet.

Carrie remembered thinking how cool Flynn looked (for a six-year-old) and something inside her had turned defensive. She had advocated for leaving Flynn out of the game, claiming they already had enough players and it would ruin it if they had any more, but Julie had pointed out that if Flynn joined, they would have an equal number of aliens and cowboys so Alex wouldn’t be so outnumbered by the two of them anymore. Carrie had quickly been outvoted, Flynn had been allowed to play with them, she and Julie had clicked in an instant, and Carrie decided that day that she didn’t like Flynn Taylor, not one bit.

For a few years, things had been a little rough. Carrie wasn’t shy about how much she disliked Flynn, but in return Flynn didn’t mind telling anyone who would listen about how much she hated Carrie. The two of them would bicker and squabble and argue over the tiniest of things, and Carrie only realised how bad it was getting when Julie blew up at them.

It was sometime in their freshman year of high school and their feud had been going on for years without showing any signs of letting up. Julie had been going through the worst time of her life; her mother (Rose, who was the closest thing Carrie had to a mother as well, but she knew it wasn’t the same thing) had passed away, she was facing getting kicked out of the music programme for lack of participation, her family was considering moving house, and every day it seemed like more and more things got added to her list of things that were going wrong in her life. Carrie and Flynn had made a silent agreement to put their arguing on hold for Julie’s sake, knowing their friend didn’t need that extra stress in her life right then. And for a while, it had been going well.

Until suddenly it was going badly again.

The three of them were having a movie night at Carrie’s house and everything was great. They were watching their favourite films, eating copious amounts of junk food, talking and laughing and having fun, and Carrie couldn’t remember the last time she had seen Julie smile so much. It had all been going so well.

But then Flynn suggested a movie, but Carrie had wanted to watch something else, and one thing had led to another until they were yelling at each other in the middle of Carrie’s living room, the whole world dropped away around them to the point that all they could focus on was each other. They were so enraptured in their argument that neither of them heard Julie’s phone chime, neither of them watched her open a text from her dad, neither of them saw the tears slide down her cheeks as she read it. Neither of them noticed anything was wrong until Julie tried to suppress a sob but instead just made it come out louder than it would have. Flynn and Carrie had turned to face her, argument forgotten in an instant, and rushed to comfort their friend.

Julie had kind of lost it that night. She had told them everything on her mind from the text she’d just received from her dad telling her they’d officially found a buyer for the house to the fact that she had been exhausted for years from all their arguing. She explained that she thought recently the two of them were finally getting better, finally working on having a civil relationship, and maybe something was finally going right for her because they wouldn’t be at each other’s throats all the time anymore.

“I guess not,” she had said defeatedly, fiercely scrubbing at her face in an attempt to dispel any of her tears, “because you two were just faking it for me. I told you I didn’t want anyone to tiptoe around me like I’ll break if I’m dropped, but you still did. I thought you guys would understand that I just want things to be normal again.”

“We were only trying to make things easy on you,” Carrie explained, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Yeah,” Flynn agreed, “we never meant to upset you, Jules.”

Julie had scoffed. “Yeah, well, you’ve done a great job of that.”

Julie had apologised for it all in the morning, but Carrie didn’t blame her for anything she’d said the night before. She had clearly got a lot off her chest that she really needed to, and everything she had said to Carrie and Flynn had been deserved in a way. Carrie knew that her and Flynn’s intentions had only been good, but Julie had asked for reality, and they hadn’t given her that.

Which had got Carrie thinking – in this situation, what was her reality?

For years and years, she would have said she hated Flynn. She would have believed it, too. She would have said that from the moment they’d met on that playground, Flynn had been her worst nightmare. But when she thought back on everything, how she saw Flynn even when they were fighting, she couldn’t call Flynn a nightmare.

She was a goddamn dream.

Carrie had spent night and day thinking about what Flynn really meant to her, why she made her so angry, whether it was really anger at all, and she had come to a revelation that really wasn’t as surprising to her as it should have been. It turned out that it wasn’t anger at all, it was a severe case of repression and Carrie Wilson was very much a lesbian.

That was another thing she knew she was good at – repressing things.

Though she was kind of underwhelmed by her epiphany (really, she thought, she should have worked it out a lot sooner), it did make things harder. Now she knew that she didn’t want to argue with Flynn, she wanted to kiss her, and that was very inconvenient. They didn’t argue as much anymore anyway, making a genuine effort to like each other rather than pretending for Julie’s sake, but that just meant that Flynn smiled at her more often and laughed at Carrie’s snarky jokes and it was nearly impossible not to fall at her feet in worship every time she so much as breathed.

So Carrie got very good at pretending she wasn’t in love with Flynn. By the time they were halfway through freshman year, they were friends and nobody ever pointed out that Carrie felt much more than friendship. Things in all their lives began to improve – Carrie and Flynn were no longer feuding, Julie ended up not moving house and got back into the music programme when she started a band, and she got herself a boyfriend – Luke – who made her the happiest Carrie had ever seen her.

(It had prompted many a discussion about whether or not Carrie and Flynn had anyone in mind they wanted to date. Carrie had panicked and said Nick, the school’s star lacrosse player who she had spoken to maybe three times and was definitely not her type. Flynn had given a suspicious hum and said she was still figuring out what it was she wanted; Carrie had excused herself and had a ten-minute panic in the bathroom over the implications of that.)

By the time university rolled around, Julie entered the big leagues with Julie and the Phantoms, deciding not to pursue further education but instead focus on her career, while Carrie and Flynn had gone to the same performing arts school. The same performing arts school where they’d been hired by the same agent. The same agent who kept getting them roles on the same shows together. It was a ticking time bomb, Carrie knew, and it went off a few days after her twenty-fourth birthday.

Carrie had been hired to play Flynn’s love interest in the third season of a show that Flynn had been cast in two years previously.

The truth was, it was both a dream come true and a living nightmare all at the same time. For one thing, Carrie adored the show and had been aching for a role on it since it came out. But on the other hand, she would be Flynn’s love interest, and according to the scripts they would have their first on-screen kiss at the end of the season – Carrie always made sure to separate her work from reality, but in her mind, kissing Flynn was kissing Flynn, no matter what disguise it was hidden by, and it was what she would have to do if she wanted the job.

She tried not to panic, she really did, but it wasn’t the easiest thing to not be panicked by, which was where everything started to fall apart.

It was the day of the kiss scene and Carrie was a wreck (which was putting it kindly). She had been pacing back and forth in her trailer in front of Alex for more than half an hour, trying not to mess up her hair every time she ran her hands through it, saying words but not making any sense.

“Carrie,” Alex said, equal parts firm and amused. Carrie stopped her pacing and turned to face him so fast she was surprised she didn’t get whiplash. “Will you please stop moving? You’re making me travel sick.”

“Very funny,” she deadpanned, but nonetheless she crashed down next to him on the little couch, flopping against him and resting her head on his shoulder. He easily threw an arm around her and she closed her eyes, trying to ignore the stress she was under, but the pounding of her heart made it very difficult.

“Talk to me,” Alex said. “What exactly is it that’s getting you so worked up here?”

“I have to kiss Flynn,” Carrie grumbled.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Alex asked.

“No,” Carrie groaned. “Don’t ask stupid questions. It’s a good thing, which is why I’m mad about it. Keep up, Alex.”

She felt him shake with a badly hidden laugh and scowled. “There’s no point asking me to keep up when you’re at least a hundred steps ahead of me. Explain it to me, get it off your chest.”

Carrie groaned dramatically but nonetheless she lifted her head and turned to face Alex, looking him in the eye.

“Fine,” she said heavily. “I’m in love with Flynn.”

Alex nodded. “Yep.”

“We have been acting like we’re in love with each other for the entirety of this season.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s been longer than that–”

Carrie smacked his arm and he grinned devilishly. “Don’t interrupt me. We’ve been acting like we’re in love with each other for the entirety of this season, and now I have to kiss her.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Helpful,” Alex said with an expression that suggested it was anything but helpful.

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?” Carrie asked. She was almost certain that Alex was messing with her now, forcing her to admit what he already knew because he probably thought it would do her some good, and she didn’t know if she was grateful for that or not.

Alex just nodded once.

“Fine,” she conceded. “I don’t want to kiss Flynn because I want to kiss Flynn. If I kiss her on the show, it won’t be real, but I won’t be able to stop thinking about it anyway. I won’t be able to stop myself from wanting to do it again, but not as our characters – as us. I already want to kiss her half the time and I know that’ll only get worse once I’ve done it for real. But I won’t be able to do it again unless it’s scripted because Flynn doesn’t love me back. Do you see my problem now?”

Alex was silent for a beat, his face working through a thousand different emotions in one go. He opened his mouth to reply, closed it again, and whipped out his phone, opening up a message.

“Oh, this is how it is?” Carrie said indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. “I spill my secrets to you and your response is to text someone instead of reacting at all?”

“I’m texting Willie,” he explained. “I’m asking him something.”

“What?”

That moment, Alex’s phone pinged with a text from Willie. He opened it up, smirked, and showed Carrie the screen.

Alex’s text read: hey, Flynn is in love with Carrie right?

Willie’s reply said: only for like ten years, yeah

Carrie read the messages. Then she read them again. Then she read them a third time, refreshed the chat, and read it again. Then she swiped Alex’s phone from his hand and turned it off, chucking it across the trailer so it landed in a pile of clothes she’d been meaning to get washed.

“Okay,” Alex said. “What was that for?”

“That’s not helpful,” Carrie whined. “How do you expect me to focus now that’s in my head?”

Alex blinked bewilderedly. “Because now you know Flynn loves you back. Which means you two can get together. You’d be able to kiss off-screen, and you were literally saying that’s what you wanted about two minutes ago.”

“But she doesn’t love me back,” Carrie said like Alex was being particularly dense.

��Were we reading the same messages?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.

“Yes,” Carrie stressed, “but you’re wrong. She’s never flirted with me or said anything that might sound even a little bit like she thinks of me that way or anything like that. There’s no way she likes me.”

Alex opened his mouth, presumably to argue with her, but at that moment the door of the trailer opened and someone popped their head in to call Carrie to set. She thanked them and they closed the door as she got up to get ready. Alex heaved an exasperated sigh and said, “It’ll be fine, okay? If it helps in any way, just focus on the fact that it’s not you and Flynn – it’s Monica and Kai. It’s your character, not you. Got it?”

“Yes,” Carrie lied, leaving the trailer. “I’ve got it.”

Walking to set felt like walking to her death. Carrie was certain that nothing good would come out of this scene. The kiss would look realistic, yes, but she couldn’t truthfully claim that was because she was a good actress – it would only look real because it was real for her.

She arrived on set and steeled herself, going over her lines in her head and trying to ground herself. She’d been on this set so many times throughout the season; it was Kai’s apartment (Flynn’s character, a charming DJ with a rebellious streak and secret penchant for art and literature), utterly trashed after it had been broken into the previous episode. According to the script, Monica – Carrie’s character – would be helping Kai clean things up when Kai got upset about the whole situation, and it would fall to Monica to help her calm down and search through all her feelings. It would end with a big revelation as they admitted their love for one another, and their kiss would fade to black, ending the episode and the series.

On paper, it looked good. In Carrie’s mind, it was the worst thing that could have ever happened to her, but all she could do was go with it.

All thoughts of calming herself down bled out of her mind the moment Flynn walked onto set. She was in costume, a bright red tracksuit and minimal makeup, and she was smiling from ear to ear. The look was nothing special, but it was beauty if Carrie had ever seen it. Comparing herself to Flynn, she felt underdressed, even though her costume of a floral summer dress and cream-coloured cardigan was much less casual than Flynn’s.

When Flynn turned and met Carrie’s eye, she smiled that wonderous smile of hers, the one that made Carrie feel like they were the only two people in existence, everything else dropping away from them. She tried to smile back, but it was weak and close to a grimace, so she turned away to save herself the embarrassment.

And five minutes later, they began the scene.

To begin with, it went well. Carrie immersed herself in the role of Monica, playing up her concern for Kai, making sure to watch her with the most obvious heart-eyes she could manage (which wasn’t difficult). When Kai broke down crying, Monica rushed to her side, wrapped her in the tightest embrace possible, and tried not to cry herself. She leaned in close and whispered the words she had so painstakingly memorised into her ear.

“This wasn’t your fault,” she breathed. “You could never have known this would happen.”

“But it did happen,” Kai sobbed, her breath rattling heart-wrenchingly. “They targeted me. Why?”

“I don’t know,” Monica said softly, holding Kai tighter. “I can’t imagine how anyone would ever want to hurt you like this. Or hurt you at all. You don’t… you’ve been through so much, Kai, and you don’t deserve any of it. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. I wish I had those magic words that would somehow fix all this, but I don’t. All I can do is be here for you because that’s what you deserve. You deserve someone who’ll pick you up when you’re down, someone who will go out of their way to make you happy in life, someone who would love you forever and not think about stopping that for a second.”

Kai drew back a little but remained close enough to look Monica in the eye. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying… I… Kai, I…” The words died in Monica’s throat.

“I love you,” Kai finished, the start of an incredulous half-smile on her face.

“Yeah,” Monica whispered. “I love you, Kai.”

“God, I love you too.”

And then when they surged together, meeting in a fierce kiss, it suddenly wasn’t Monica and Kai anymore. This was Carrie and Flynn, kissing each other like they meant it, hard and fast and unrestrained and everything Carrie had ever imagined. More than Carrie had ever imagined. Flynn’s intensity hit her like a truck, but for once she wasn’t one to complain. She gave as good as she got, all that built up longing releasing itself in one fell swoop. Carrie Wilson was kissing Flynn Taylor and it was the most incredible thing she’d ever felt.

The call of, “Cut!” broke them apart. For a moment, Carrie looked into Flynn’s eyes, trying to read what was written in them, but it was useless. Her hands were still on Flynn’s waist, but she let go, and a moment later felt Flynn’s hands untangle from her hair.

They did the scene again and Carrie cursed herself for not foreseeing this massive issue. They never did one-take scenes, everything was gone over time and time again. She wasn’t kissing Flynn just once that day; she was reliving it over and over, and every kiss was better than the last as they got more acquainted with each other, figured things out, became less messy but kept all of the passion. It was a change of pace, but Carrie was handling it.

Until she messed up her lines in the worst possible way.

It was supposed to be, “Yeah. I love you, Kai.”

Carrie said, “I love you, Flynn.”

The director picked up on her mistake immediately and was good-natured about it as he made them take the scene from the top. Flynn said nothing, just laughed it off, mentioned that Carrie must be getting a little tired, all that kissing really taking it out of her. Everyone was fine with it and it didn’t happen again, but Carrie was mortified. She knew that those words had held all the sincerity it was impossible to fake, even with years of acting experience under her belt. She knew she had sounded honest in a way she never could have pretended to be. She knew that it was probably the take they would use, editing her use of Flynn’s name to Kai. And it felt like the biggest mistake of her life.

As soon as she was cleared to leave set, she all but legged it out of the room and back to her trailer where Alex was still waiting for her. She sat down beside him, head on his shoulder, and she cried.

The worst part was that she was no longer certain whether she was any good at pretending not to be in love with Flynn.

Promos and trailers for the show gradually released over the next few weeks. Carrie avoided social media as often as she could – it hadn’t taken people long to figure out that she would be Flynn’s love interest, and she simply couldn’t handle their reactions.

Some comments she had seen were harmless, related only to the show. ‘Monikai for life’ seemed to be a common one, as well as ‘she better treat my girl Kai with the respect she deserves’ or some form of ‘I swear they look literally perfect for each other’. Those comments were the kind Carrie could get along with. She liked a few posts, teasing just enough to get speculation up, but not enough to confirm anything.

Then there were different comments. Comments that weren’t about Monica and Kai, but instead about Carrie and Flynn. ‘Oh my god, I have been waiting for these two to play girlfriends forever’ seemed to crop up a lot. If it wasn’t that it was ‘we are finally going to see Carrie and Flynn kiss!’ and sometimes it was the worst comments like ‘they should date in real life’.

Everything about it made Carrie feel bad. For one thing, she hated people saying things like that about her private life – she might have been famous, but she was still a human being, and these people didn’t know her, so nothing gave them the right to talk about her and Flynn like that. But also, it was a constant painful reminder of what she didn’t have, and that was too much for her to process.

She had hardly spoken to Flynn since the wrap party despite Flynn messaging her every day. She was ashamed of her slip up and terrified that if she spoke to Flynn the same thing would happen again. Now that those words were out there, she didn’t think she’d be able to rein them back in ever again.

So Carrie was scared. Scared that she had ruined everything with Flynn, scared people would figure out how she really felt, scared that this was something she couldn’t bounce back from.

And she lashed out.

Admittedly, she knew could have handled the situation better. She could have ignored all the rumours and comments, stuck to one side of the fanbase, been proud of what she and Flynn had created. But she didn’t do any of that. There was one thing she knew she was still good at, and that was acting as if she hated Flynn Taylor. It had seemed like a good idea at the time – reveal to everyone that she hated Flynn to get them off her back. If she had thought it through for more than a second, she wouldn’t have done it, but one night something inside her broke and she let it all out.

She had reverted back to old habits and written a load of unsavoury tweets about Flynn, saying she hated her and couldn’t imagine anything worse than dating her, telling everyone that the idea of them being in a relationship was really creeping her out and she wanted nothing to do with it. She had posted them all before she could think any more about it, but the regret had been instant, as had the furious messages from her PR team and agent, the thousands of unfollows, the way people immediately tried to cancel her, and the way all of Flynn’s attempts to contact her stopped after those hateful words had been said. She deleted the tweets, but they’d already been screenshotted many a time, so it didn’t do much good.

The only surprise that came from it was a follow-up tweet from Flynn reading: You guys don’t need to cancel Carrie. It’s not as if I’m upset. I’d only be upset if I liked her, which I never have done.

Somehow, she had managed to ruin everything, just with a slip of the tongue.

The night of the season premier, Carrie got a knock on her door. That in itself was weird – she hadn’t invited anyone over, planning on spending the night alone, not even necessarily watching the show she’d worked so hard on, and none of her friends were really the type to just show up unannounced.

Well, none of them except–

“Willie,” she greeted with a smile when she opened the door. He stood on the threshold with his skateboard tucked under his arm, helmet lopsided on his head, and a smile on his face that looked half genuine and half like he was up to something. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d come and watch the premier with you,” he said, inviting himself in and removing his helmet, hanging it on a coat hook as he propped his skateboard up against the wall. “Wouldn’t want you to be lonely for something as huge as this, right?”

“Okay,” she said, unconvinced, “and what’s your ulterior motive?”

Willie knew better than to argue. He frowned slightly and said, “Flynn told me what you said and that you’re not talking to her now, Alex told me that you totally freaked out – like freaked out, freaked out – and then went all despondent and sad, and I wanted to see if I could help. Maybe, you know, talk some sense into you.”

She rolled her eyes, leading Willie into the living room and sitting on the couch with him. “I’m not ignoring Flynn, I didn’t freak out, and I’ve got plenty of sense in me, thank you very much.”

Willie raised an eyebrow. “Sense? Or denial?”

She didn’t reply.

“Carrie,” he said, shuffling closer, “listen to me, okay? That day, when you said to Flynn that you love her, you ran to Alex while she ran to me. She was a total mess, telling me she had no idea if you had meant it or if you’d really just messed up. She said she wanted to talk to you, and after that day she said she kept trying but you wouldn’t pick up and she thought she had done something wrong. And then all those tweets… Carrie, what’s going on?”

She sighed, threw her head back to try and tip the tears welling in her eyes back into her skull, and then turned back to Willie.

“I meant it,” she breathed. “When I told Flynn I love her, I meant it. But she doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

“Yes she–”

“No,” Carrie said firmly. “She doesn’t. I shouldn’t have said it, I shouldn’t have lost myself like that. I should have had some freaking restraint. And now that I’ve told her, she’s going to hate me because I will have made her uncomfortable and she won’t want to be around me anymore. I’ve ruined it, Willie. And the tweets were a stupid idea, even I know that. I was scared, which is a terrible excuse, I know. I thought people were figuring out how I really felt so I… god, I’m such an idiot. I never should have done it. And now I know she hates me, she said so herself.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Willie said softly, shaking his head.

Carrie just raised an eyebrow.

“Look, I’m… I’m not going to make you talk about it tonight if you really don’t want to,” Willie said. Carrie breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing a little. “But you’ve got to promise me you’ll talk to Flynn. Just to explain yourself. No matter which way your conversation goes, I really don’t think you’ll regret it.”

Carrie just hummed, not willing to provide an actual answer, and flicked the TV on, putting on the season premier of their show. She and Willie settled down together and watched. If Carrie teared up a little watching her first interaction with Flynn, Willie was kind enough not to mention it.

Eventually, Carrie took Willie’s advice, more because she missed Flynn than anything else. And in any case, she felt she owed Flynn an apology and an explanation. She had been awful to her in a way she hadn’t since they were teenagers, and she was ashamed and guilty and just wanted things to go back to some semblance of normal. On the night the season finale aired, Carrie drove to Flynn’s house and knocked on the door before she could change her mind.

“Oh,” Flynn said when she opened the door. Carrie couldn’t read her expression but fought down the panic that arose. “What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” she asked, hating how cliché it sounded, but that didn’t matter when Flynn nodded and opened the door wider, letting her in.

They settled together on the couch in front of Flynn’s television. It was set to the channel their show aired on, but it hadn’t started yet. When Flynn didn’t say a word, Carrie took that as her cue to start the conversation.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Go on,” Flynn encouraged, sounding unimpressed.

“I’m sorry for everything I said about you online,” she continued, doing her best to look Flynn in the eye when all she wanted to do was look away. “I didn’t mean any of it. You’re such an amazing person and one of my best friends and I can’t believe I let myself do things that would jeopardise that. None of it was true, anyway. I just… I got scared.”

“Scared of what?” Flynn pressed, voice slightly softer than it had been a moment before. Carrie hoped she hadn’t imagined Flynn scooting ever so slightly closer to her on the couch.

She took a deep rattling breath. She had come there that night having promised herself that she would be completely honest with Flynn because she owed her that much. Well, now was the point when she needed to be honest and it was the most terrifying prospect she’d ever faced.

“Scared of people working out how right they are about me,” she admitted. “I saw people saying that we… that we would be good together as a couple in real life. And it hit too close to home because I’ve always thought that exact same thing, but I’ve never been able to do anything about it.”

“What are you saying?” Flynn breathed.

“I’m saying… I meant what I said on set. It wasn’t me slipping up, it was genuine. I couldn’t hold it back that day.”

“You mean when you said ‘I love you’?” Flynn asked slowly.

“Yeah,” Carrie said. “I meant it when I said that I love you. I love you, Flynn, I really do.”

Flynn was silent for far too long. Carrie felt her heart sinking, knowing she had made a mess of this, that they would never be able to return from this, that Flynn probably wanted nothing to do with her now, despite what Alex and Willie seemed to think about the whole thing. She prepared herself for the shouting, the accusations, the breaking off of their friendship.

But then Flynn said, “You shouldn’t have run out of set that day.”

“I know, I know, I should have explained myself and apologised there and th–”

“No,” Flynn interrupted. “You should have stayed so that I had the chance to say it back.”

“So you… what?”

Flynn’s hands, soft and gentle, came up to cradle Carrie’s face. She felt Flynn run the pad of her thumbs deftly over Carrie’s cheeks, looked deep into her gorgeous brown eyes and lost herself in them. When Flynn said, “I want to say it back,” Carrie was so up in her own thoughts that she almost forgot what they were even talking about.

“Then say it,” she returned, leaning into Flynn’s touch.

“I love you, Carrie.”

“God, I love you too.”

They kissed again, leaning forward to meet each other, and it was like their first kiss all over again. This one wasn’t tinged with the bittersweet sting that their on-screen ones had been, but rather peppered with the joy they shared having finally revealed their truth to one another. It was a ‘thank you’, a ‘sorry’, an ‘I love you’, a ‘you are it for me’ all in one go, made of love and care and everything good in the world. Carrie lost herself in Flynn – she thought that would never stop happening – and it made her feel free.

Here was another thing she was good at: loving Flynn and showing it to her.

At some point, long after they had broken their kiss, instead curling up together on the couch to watch their show, Flynn snickered and said, “You know, our agent told me that our little spat online had done wonders for the show’s publicity.”

“Where are you going with this?” Carrie asked, smirking, knowing that Flynn wasn’t just dropping that out of nowhere.

She shrugged. “I think we could do our bit to help out with ratings. For a while it might be a good idea to keep the act up, you know? Act like we hate each other and watch everyone freak out over it. And if it’s super funny for us then that’s just a bonus.”

“Fine, on one condition,” Carrie said. Flynn nodded. “We don’t tell Alex and Willie what we’re doing. They’ve been laughing at our stupidity for years, I think we deserve a little revenge.”

“I love the way you think,” Flynn laughed, leaning up to kiss Carrie again. “I love you. But as far as anyone else is concerned, no I don’t.”

Pressing another kiss to the side of Flynn’s head, Carrie said teasingly, “I don’t either.”

(Alex and Willie were not best pleased when they found out three months later that Carrie and Flynn were not in fact mortal enemies but girlfriends when the girls asked them for help moving all of Flynn’s stuff into Carrie’s house because they’d decided they wanted to live together. They’d been given the silent treatment the entire time, but it was worth it.)

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just let me know): @ace-bookworm @williexmercer @boggie-brainrot @itstiger720 @the-reckless-and-the-brave @that-one-newsie @bluedarkness @lookingthroughmirrors @tmp-jatp @ghostlydahlia @julieandthequeers @lmaohuh @sunnysbright @sylphrenas @callmeontheleyline

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stellarspecter · 3 years

Note

How about 12 and 63 for Alex/Luke/Reggie for the trope mash up ask game?

12. Roommates AU and 63. Everybody know/Mistaken for a couple

...well this one just writes itself

and it did! literally. this is a whole fic now, under the read more and probably eventually on ao3 as well

Alex, Luke, and Reggie met in elementary school and haven’t been apart ever since, so when they graduate high school, of course they decide to get a place together. They’re working, trying to get the band off the ground, when they meet Julie, a girl with the voice of an angel. They convince her to join the band, and then it’s not long until she introduces them to her friends and they all start hanging out.

And the boys are so close and so comfortable with each other that it’s just a no-brainer for everyone else to assume they’re dating.

Why else would they all cuddle like that during movie night? Why else would Luke and Alex drop everything and rush to the hospital when Reggie breaks his arm? Why else would Luke and Reggie use up their sick days to take care of Alex when he’s having a bad time with his anxiety? Why else would they all steal each other’s clothes like they just have one big shared closet? Why else would they hug and say they love each other every time they’re in the same room?

Hell, one time Julie stayed over at their place and she swears that they all came out of the same room in the morning. And sure, their friends have never seen them kiss, but maybe they just don’t like that kind of PDA? (That doesn’t seem to fit with Luke and the amount he touches them anyway, but it’s not their place to speculate.)

This misconception goes on for a comically long amount of time. They’re over a year into their friendship when one night after a show a fan tries to hit on Luke. He politely and uncomfortably turns them down, and when they finally leave, he finds Flynn and Carrie beside him.

“Someone interested in the lead singer?” Flynn teases.

Luke sags against the bar. “Ugh, yeah. They did not want to leave me alone.”

“Why didn’t you just tell them you’re taken?” Carrie asks.

Luke blinks at her. “Um, because I’m not?”

Flynn and Carrie look at him wide-eyed, then give each other a look. “So you’re... not dating Alex and Reggie?”

Luke chokes. “What? Of course I’m not! What?”

“Wait, so how long have you not been dating?” Flynn demands.

“Never! Always! What?” Luke repeats. “Why the hell would you think we were dating?”

The girls shrug. “You just always acted like you were,” Carrie says.

“You cuddle all the time,” Flynn explains.

“And share clothes,” Carrie adds.

“And you spend all your time together,” Flynn continues.

“That’s all stuff friends do!” Luke exclaims.

Flynn gives him a look. “Luke, today i saw you slap both Alex and Reggie on the ass and wish them a good show.”

He can feel his face turning red. “That’s just — a friendly thing we do! We’re very secure in our sexualities.” It's almost like he’s trying to convince both his friends and himself.

“Sure,” Flynn says.

“Didn’t you guys have an anniversary dinner a few months ago?” Carrie asks.

“Yeah, for the anniversary of the band,” Luke explains.

“But Julie didn’t go,” She points out.

Luke shrugs uncomfortably. “She wasn’t in the band when we started it.”

“But she’s in the band now,” Flynn says.

“Yeah, but —” Luke cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh. “Look, we’re not dating, alright?”

Flynn holds up her hands and backs off, and she and Carrie let him change the subject to their weekend plans, which include work, rehearsal, and a dinner with Julie, Flynn, Nick, Carrie, and his boys. (That’s just his friends. There's nothing weird about having dinner with his friends at a nicer restaurant, Luke tells himself. His friends, who consist of two couples plus his two best friends/roommates. Nothing weird about that.)

(Oh god, Luke thinks to himself. There might be something weird about that.)

So Luke brings it up to Alex and Reggie the next day. None of them are ever awake before noon on days after gigs, having stayed out so late the night before. It’s as they’re groggily drinking coffee and eating the pancakes that Alex made that Luke says, “So apparently Flynn and Carrie thought we were dating.”

Alex chokes on his coffee. “They thought what?”

“That’s what I said!” Luke exclaims, pointing his fork at him.

Reggie looks confused. “Why did they think we were dating?”

“I don’t know,” Luke says. “I guess most friends aren’t as close as we are?”

“I mean, you are wearing Luke’s shirt, Reg,” Alex points out. Reggie looks down at his (Luke’s) band t-shirt turned tank top.

“Oh,” he says. “I forgot this was yours, sorry.”

“It’s fine, Reg, I don’t mind.” Luke waves his hand dismissively. “We borrow each other’s clothes all the time. I’m wearing Alex’s old gym shorts.”

“And I think this is your shirt,” Alex says to Reggie. “I stole it a while ago to use as pajamas, it’s very soft.”

“It is very soft,” Reggie agrees absentmindedly. “Sharing clothes isn’t necessarily a couple thing, though.”

“No, of course not. I mean, we do it,” Luke says. “And we’re not dating. That would be so weird, right?” He laughs nervously.

Reggie laughs with him. “So weird.”

“Yeah, dating you would be — ugh.” The silence goes on for just a second too long before Luke’s face colors as he rushes to correct himself. “Not that dating you would be bad! Or, uh — I’m sure you would be great boyfriends!” He yelps. “Just, uh, not with me! But I’m sure it would be good, um, just, it would be weird for us to be dating.”

“Would it, though?” Alex says quietly. Luke and Reggie turn to him in sync. Alex nervously licks his lips at having all their attention on him, but he continues. “I mean, what would really change?”

“Well, we would be dating, for one,” Reggie says. “Probably kissing and stuff.”

Alex waves a hand at him. “Other than that.”

“Going on dates?” Luke tries.

“Yes, but we already hang out all the time and work together and live together,” Alex says. “Like, we already do enough couple things that our friends thought we were together. We share clothes, we cuddle, we take care of each other, god, we even celebrated our anniversary,” he realizes. “And I don’t think any of us have had a long-term relationship in the past two years at least.”

Reggie shrugs. “I guess it just feels like… why would I want someone else,” he says, painfully earnest, “When I already have you?”

Luke is speechless. Alex and Reggie are right. He doesn’t need anyone else, hasn’t spared a thought for romance in years, and he told everyone it was because he was so focused on his music, on his band, but he sees now that he wasn’t just focused on his band for work. They’re everything to him, the dearest people in the world, and he loves them with his whole heart.

“I love you guys,” Luke whispers.

Alex and Reggie smile back at him. “I love you too.”

Alex reaches out across the table and takes his hand, then does the same with Reggie. “I love you. Both of you. Romantically. And I want to date you for real.”

It’s not even a question in Luke’s head. All he’s thinking is of course I want to, so he gets up from his chair and kisses Alex. He gasps into Luke’s mouth, surprised, but quickly reciprocates, clutching Luke’s arms as if they’re the only thing tethering him to the ground. They break the kiss to find Reggie standing next to them, all but vibrating with excitement.

“Can I —” He starts, interrupted by Luke swooping in to kiss him. Reggie’s boundless enthusiasm leaks into the kiss, and Luke is exhilarated trying to keep up. They break apart, and Luke watches, grinning, and Reggie and Alex share their own kiss.

“So I guess we’ll have some pretty big news to share at dinner tomorrow, huh?” Luke says with a shit-eating grin.

“I’m pretty sure it was meant to be a triple date, anyway,” Alex says. “Because they already thought we were dating, remember?”

“Fuck, dude, we should have been,” Reggie announces as he makes himself comfortable on Alex’s lap. “We’ve been missing out.”

“Yeah,” Luke agrees. “We’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.”

“Can we do that somewhere other than the kitchen table?” Alex groans, and the other two laugh. The rest of their day was spent on a considerably more comfortable surface.

(When they tell everyone at dinner that they finally got together, Carrie and Julie pass Flynn five dollars each, and Nick just looks confused. Luke, Alex, and Reggie have a lot of fun ragging on Carrie and Julie about “not believing in their love.” At the end of the dinner, Nick leans over to Alex, the calmest, most reasonable one of the bunch (not to mention the one he’s seated closest to), and asks, “So you weren’t dating? Since when?”

Alex can’t give him an answer for a full minute because he’s laughing too hard.)

#where-you-go #thanks for the ask! i Did Not Mean to write a whole thing but here it is *shruggie emoji*#my fics #who are the two couples out of julie flynn carrie and nick? you decide :)#also this started out as bullet points so if it reads like it that's why #well i guess that's all my fics so yall should be used to it lol #side effect of planning in bullet points is i write in the present tense so much #when i put this on ao3 i'll rb with the link #i need to think of a title first tho lol #i need an ask tag #prompt fills

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petri808 · 4 years

Text

The Truth is not far from Fiction

@nalu-week bonus day AU prompt. Ghost story, modern setting, 7k words

Based on a real life experience.

One day late in the afternoon, Layla Heartfilia hears talking and pops her head into her toddlers bedroom. She sees the four-year-old playing with a doll in the middle of the floor, just babbling away and smiles. “Who are you talking to Lucy?”

The child’s brown eyes beam at her mother. “Mishi wanna pway wich doll.”

Assuming it was just an imaginary friend, the woman plays along. “I see. And are you being a good girl and sharing your toys?”

“Uh-huh, mommy.”

“That’s a good girl. I’ll be back shortly to get you for dinner, okay, you just keep playing nicely with your friend.”

“Otay,” Lucy giggles and looks at the girl sitting across from her, “Mishi you hungy too? Oh.” She then looks back at her mother, “Mishi say no can eat.”

“Why is that dear?”

“Mishis dead.”

><><><><><><><><><

From all outward appearances, Lucy Heartfilia was just your typical teenage girl. She had her tight-knit group of friends, a girly-girl when she wanted to be, but deep down was just as comfortable hanging with the guys. Fangirling over the latest manga heartthrob or relaxing with a good book were her two favorite things to do, well that and spending time with her best friend slash boyfriend Natsu Dragneel.

Natsu was born and raised in Hawaii whereas Lucy was a transplant to the islands. After her mother’s death, her father moved them to Hilo when the opportunity to invest in some new property developments came about. It was a small town compared to the big city they’d left behind, but it was a beautiful place and Lucy fell in love with it quickly. She knew her mother would have loved it because if there was one thing Layla Heartfilia had instilled in her daughter, it was a love of the stars.

Every cloudless night on the island provided a perfect opportunity for stargazing thanks to the role of the observatories on Mauna Kea; the islands largest volcanic mountain. Nothing brighter than an orange amber glow was allowed by law, cutting down on the amount of light pollution in Hawaii. Lucy loved it and took any opportunity to simply kick back under the stars picking out her favorite constellations.

It was now the summer of their graduation from high school and the friends wanted to do something together to kick it off. A few options were thrown around, but when the idea of relaxing under the stars came to mind, Lucy suggested a camping trip. Campfires and smores, maybe some hiking, or even better, snuggling after dark. The group was sold.

“Gajeel’s dad said his contact will let us stay at K.O.E.C in volcano for the weekend since it’s not being used during the summer.” Levy McGarden was the first friend Lucy made after moving to the island and Gajeel Redfox was the girl’s boyfriend.

Lucy tips her head in confusion. “Where’s that? I don’t think I’ve heard of it before.”

“Oh,” Levy chuckles, “sometimes I forget you weren’t born here. In elementary school, all the kids are taken camping there. It’s like an educational retreat cause it’s right next to the national park.”

“Ah, gotcha. So, it’s a camping ground?”

“Mmm, sort of. There’s a building and a big grass area and a bonfire pit. I don’t know the details if they’ll let us use the main building, but it’ll probably be fine if we just set up tents. Gajeel said the guy will give us a key to the gate when we arrive so we can go in and out.”

“Sounds perfect to me.”

Despite her father’s wishes for Lucy to go to a bigger college in the states, she decides to stay local for now, though that still meant relocating to a different island. It was true her decision was partially based on where her boyfriend was also attending school, but Chaminade University had a good reputation as well as the programs she was interested in. Natsu had graduated the year prior and received a football scholarship to attend the University of Manoa. He’d be home for the summer in just a couple of days and she was excited to spend as much time with him as possible.

Starting fresh in a new place during middle school after leaving all of her friends behind in California can be tough on any young person, so it was really thanks to Levy and Natsu for making her feel so welcomed in Hawaii. On the first day of class Levy had befriended her and introduced Lucy into the group of kids that would stick together all the way from Waiakea Intermediate through Waiakea High. They’re like a second family for the girl who didn’t have any siblings and a father who was too busy to pay much attention.

But that was part of the beauty behind her and Natsu’s relationship. It wasn’t something that happened overnight, rather blossoming over several years from a friendship until one day their friend Gray Fullbuster pointed out they were already a pseudo couple so they might as well just make it official. Whenever Lucy thinks about that moment, it always makes her smile, because Natsu had simply chuckled, asked if she wanted to be his girl, she said yes, and they went on with the conversation as if nothing had changed.

Bright and early on a Friday morning, the group meets up at the local McDonald’s parking lot before the caravan heads out as a group to the Volcano area. Lucy rides with Natsu in his pickup truck, while everyone else were in other vehicles. There were eight of them total on their way for a fun filled weekend out in the countryside. It was the first time Lucy would be spending an extended amount of time in the area. Prior to this trip she’s only visited the park to do the typical tourist things like seeing the Jagger Museum or hiking the sulfur banks.

As they make their way to the area, no matter if the vehicle slows or accelerates, the road ahead blends as Lucy stares out the window. Greens, browns, mixed with multiple colors when they pass buildings. Her mind drifts with it, strangely lulled by an energy she cannot place, nor is even aware of its pull on her. The radio playing becomes a background noise with only the bass beats standing out… the drums especially calling to her and lulling her into a spell.

“You okay, Luce?” Natsu questions her as she stares out the passenger window. The normally chatting girl was surprisingly quiet through the drive.

Lucy breaks out of her trance and looks over at her boyfriend. “Yeah, sorry I was just spacing out.” She smiles to allay his concerns. “I was so excited for this trip that I didn’t get much sleep.”

He reaches over and squeezes her hand with a smile. “How about I set up the tent first thing so you can take a nap?”

“I think I’ll be okay once we start doing stuff.”

“Whatever you say,” he winks.

She really wanted to enjoy this trip but the closer they got to the area the more a churning knot tightened in her stomach. It was a dubious feeling to place, not sick as if she were coming down with a cold, and she didn’t get motion sickness like her boyfriend, it was more like a foreboding feeling. Though a strange time to kick in, she had been a little stressed out about going off to college in the fall, so perhaps it was just a case of nerves.

That must be it, Lucy chalks up the weird feelings and rationalizes them as nothing more than a case of the jitters. Going away from home to a new place was a scary proposition, but she reminds herself she won’t be totally alone. Natsu will be on the island and so will Cana Alberona another close friend. And hey, thanks to the internet, those like Levy will be a simple click away too. She takes a deep breath and releases the churning emotions. It was time to focus on this camping trip and make it memorable.

When the caravan of vehicles pulls into the parking area, everyone waits with their vehicles while Gajeel settles up with the caretaker. Once that was complete, the group starts the task of setting up their gear. They break up the work, with the men focusing on the bigger jobs, erecting the tents, tables, and carrying the heavier items. The girls follow up with the sleeping bags, getting the food and other supplies squared away.

It was a nice place, just like Levy had described to Lucy. To the left of the parking lot was a large main building that housed expansive rooms used as classrooms. Downstairs were restrooms and showers, along with maintenance rooms. The caretaker had turned on the hot water and electricity for them to use on the bottom level, but the upstairs rooms were locked for security purposes. There was also security lighting around the building and on the street, but from what Lucy could gauge, once the sun goes down, the area would be quite dark. Good thing they brought a bunch of lanterns and flashlights.

In front of the building and parking lot, it opened up into a sprawling grassy area surrounded by trees. Beyond the trees were homes and subdivisions. At the very edge of the lawn, Lucy could see the bonfire area her friend had mentioned tucked in a corner. According to the caretaker, it was no longer used for full bonfires due to the threat of starting a forest fire, but they were allowed to make a small, normal sized campfire for doing things like roasting marshmallows or for warmth. The pit was also ringed with fallen Ohia tree logs to sit on.

The place was serene alright… but why was that nagging feeling eating away at her? As she stared towards the bon fire area, every fiber of her being was screaming at her to stay away from it. She didn’t like the vibes this place was giving off, which made absolutely no sense to her. It looked completely safe and quiet, they brought children here to camp for Pete’s sakes! Surely, the county wouldn’t allow visitors if this place wasn’t safe.

A shiver rushes along Lucy’s frame despite the lack of a breeze. Maybe she was just psyching herself out, so she turns away from the pit and focuses on something that did make her feel safe. Natsu had just finished setting up their tent. It was time for her to get their bedding down so they could settle in. Perfect, she could do that.

“So, how do you like it?” Natsu asks her as soon as she walks over to him. “Nice, right?”

“It’s a really scenic place,” Lucy agrees. She didn’t want to concern or spook him with her true thoughts of the place. “Is the tent ready?”

“Yup,” he grins, “pretty sure it won’t cave in.”

She chuckles, “I’ll get our sleeping bags and stuff set up.”

Natsu pulls her close and wraps his arms around her waist. “Just make sure I’ve got easy access to ya,” he wiggles his eyebrows. “After six months apart, I need to make up for lost time.”

That brings a flush to her cheeks and a giggle from the woman. “I think I can figure something out.”

He places a soft, lingering kiss on Lucy’s lips. “Remind me again how I managed to make you my girl?”

Lucy grins coyly, “by being an adorable dork.”

“Dork? Says the weirdo,” he chuckles and kisses her again. “Okay, you get cracking on this and I’ll be back in a bit after we set up the campfire for tonight.”

She just nods and watches him walk away for a moment, before turning her attention to the tent. Natsu had even added an additional tarp over the top in case it rained, how thoughtful and smart considering the weather here could turn without warning. Everyone had set up their tents, five in total, at distances from each other. Lucy chuckles in her head, knowing they weren’t the only ones with a little hanky-panky on the agenda.

Instead of using the sleeping bags as they were designed for, she unzips the two sets completely open, using one as the bottom and one as the blanket, finishing off their makeshift bed with the pillows. She then takes the bags that holds their clothing and toiletries and places it in the corner of the tent. Lastly, she double checks that their lantern was working properly and stores it near the entrance, so it was easy to turn on when needed.

With their accommodations ready, she could relax a little while she waited for Natsu to return. Since she didn’t know how long it would take the men to finish, Lucy decides to lay down and close her eyes. He’d suggested she take a short nap, and well, it seemed like a good idea now.

The moment she closes her eyes, the sunlight fades away behind her eyelids as her body slowly gives in. ‘This sleeping bag… is really comfortable…’ She felt peaceful, a sense of stilling calm like in the eye of a hurricane. The blue skies brought warmth streaming through the thin nylon fabric of the tent, pacifying the nervous pin pricks licking along her frame. Is that music playing somewhere? Lucy wonders as the edge of oblivion comes calling... Does someone have their bass cranked up?

‘Did I sleep the afternoon away?’ Lucy looks around as the hairs on the back of her neck stand on edge and the sickening feeling pitted in her stomach tightens. Something’s wrong, her mind screams. Where was the tent?! Why was she in the forest?! Where did everyone go? She was taking a nap and suddenly she was in the middle of the dark Ohia forest.

It was deathly silent save for the drumbeats and chanting getting louder— so loud that she felt it in her bones. No other signs of life, of crickets or coqui frogs, nor distant sounds of the homes she knew were laid out around the campsite. Only the drowning of drumbeats and the word kapu (sacred) repeated over and over. She covers her ears in a useless attempt to shield them from the noise, but it was as if they were coming from inside her head.

‘Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!’ Her voice cracked and trembling, desperate to get away from the torment. Fight or flight takes hold and she starts to back away, but her legs feel like rubber, her feet like dead weight. She looks down as a silent scream bubbles up in her throat. Why is her feet sinking into the mud! The ground had been solid a second ago!

She opens her mouth to cry out for Natsu, anybody, but no sound leaves her. Panic sets in, sending her mind into a tailspin, and energy surges through her body. She claws at her throat in desperation, why wasn’t her voice coming out! Her mind is begging for someone to please hear her screams. Natsu! Where was Natsu?!

Something grabs her from behind and her arms begin flailing out desperate to fight back.

“Lucy, wake up!”

“Natsu!” The blonde screams, kicking and punching as she sits straight up on the bedding. Still in a panicked fight for her life, she scrambles away until her back hits the wall of the tent. Her brain is struggling to take back control from the dreamworld, but the sounds were all she could hear roaring in her eardrums.

The hold around her center felt as if something very strong and powerful was squeezing the life out of her. All she could hear in her head were her own screams and that incessant drumbeat! Make it stop! Make it stop! The tears are pouring down, clouding her vision and marring the scene in front of her. Get me out of here!

“Lucy, Lucy!” Natsu grabs hold of her wrists to keep her from hitting him. “It’s a dream, Lucy, you’re okay now.” His own panic was rising faster than a flood. Why wasn’t she responding to him? Her eyes are open, but she was staring past him as if he didn’t exist just screaming for help.

“Lucy?” He feels what he can only equate to as sticking your hand in an electrical socket. His hands start to tingle and the air around them heats up. “W-What the hell is going on?!” Natsu squeaks out as a true fear takes hold. He could understand daymares, but this… this was abnormal!

She thrashes against his hold for a few more seconds, shaking her head as tears pour in torrents down her cheeks. But despite the eerie shocks Lucy was giving him, he holds on tight until the opportunity presents itself to pull her into a fierce bear hug. Natsu had no idea what had set this off, so he fights off his own panic and does what he can, cooing and speaking softly to calm her. He couldn’t tell if his voice even had any weight behind it, but it was all he could muster.

“Shhh, babe I got ya now. Whatever it was, you’re safe.”

Natsu cradles her head, keeping it locked against his chest. There are footsteps around the tent along with a few ‘are you guys okay’ being asked. He responds that it was just a bad dream and not to worry. Lucy must have been much more tired than they’d realized for her to fall asleep so deeply and enter the dream stage in less than 30 minutes. He and Gray had only completed a third of the firepit when Levy had come to get him. The woman had heard distressing sounds coming from his girlfriend and they’d been enough to concern her.

Though Lucys mind was coming out of the dream world, and reality was taking hold again, a heavier panic sets in. How was she supposed to explain this to him? There was something about her life that she’d kept secret from everyone for fear of being looked at as a freak, and most of the time it wasn’t a problem to keep it hidden. Lucy fights to gain back control and to stop shaking. ‘It was just a dream Lucy,’ she tries to psyche up the lie in her head. ‘Nothing paranormal about a dream. It’s the stress manifesting itself.’ She didn’t want to worry anyone.

She takes several long, slow, deep breaths until the panic attack starts to wane. “Thank you, Natsu I-I’m fine now. I’m so sorry. I think all the anxiety of college is just getting to me.”

“No need to apologize Lucy, leaving home is scary. But you know I’ll be there for you right?”

“Yeah,” she cracks a smile. “I know you will be.”

“That was a pretty crazy dream though. Do you remember what it was about?”

Kapu… “No,” she shakes her head as if accentuating the word, but in reality, wishing the sounds echoing in her head would disappear.

“Okay.” His gut tells him not to push the topic until she was ready. Natsu kisses her forehead, “well if you do and you wanna talk about it, I’m all ears.” He smiles at her, “hey, why don’t you go wash your face, catch your breath, and maybe hang out with the girls to distract yourself while I finish up what I was doing?”

Lucy nods, “That’s a good idea.”

Of course, the moment she sat down with her concerned friends they bombarded her with questions about the daymare. Cana the ever-budding ‘spiritualist’ of the group pressing for information so she could discern the meanings behind what Lucy had seen. But she feigned not remembering anything once she’d been awoken by Natsu. She didn’t want to remember, rather forget it had ever happened. So, she falls back to the same excuse she’d used for him. Why not? At least if it were a consistent lie it would be easier to keep up.

“Are you sure Lu?” Levy reaches over and places a hand on her friends knee, “cause the way you were screaming… I swear even I was getting chills.”

“You literally sounded like you were being murdered.”

“Blunt enough, Cana?” Levy rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t need to be freaked out any more than necessary.”

“I really appreciate you’re guys concern, but I swear I’m fine now. I don’t remember what it was about and if it’s as bad as you’re saying, I’m glad I don’t remember.”

Levy fixes Lucy with a stare. “At least promise me if it happens again, you’ll talk to me.”

“I promise.” Lucy smiles back hoping to allay her friends concerns. “I think my nerves are just fried over college.”

To Lucy’s relief the rest of the group quickly switched into that topic. Juvia Lockser, Gray’s girlfriend was already a Sophomore in college, but she and the others shared their feelings of anxiety. It turns out they all felt similar to her, maybe even more so. Levy and Cana were born and raised in Hilo and had never travelled outside of the state before. Juvia is a transplant like Lucy except she came here for college from Seattle, Washington. It was only after meeting Gray at the University last year that she was folded into their group.

“Lemme see if I can explain it,” Levy taps her chin. “A lot of islanders feel like they’re stuck here— okay maybe not stuck, but like… they don’t wanna leave their comfort zone. So, going away for college is really nerve wracking, that’s why I’m really anxious about it and excited at the same time.”

“Speak for yourself,” Cana chimes in, “I’m nervous sure, but I can’t wait to go to Honolulu! First thing I plan to do is hit the clubs! And I plan to drag you with me Lu.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Lucy waves her hands excitedly while laughing, “don’t drag me into that!”

“Aww, come on, think about it! I’ll get you all hot and bothered and unleash you on Natsu.” Cana winks, “I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“OMG!” Lucy throws a handful of ripped grass at her friend as the other girls burst into laughter.

It’s not long in chatting with the girls that Lucy’s fears subside and the daymare is semi-forgotten. They talk about the rest of their plans for the weekend, like how tomorrow will be spent in the park checking out the latest volcanic activity and hiking the trails. Someone needs to stay behind to watch the camp, so Cana and Loke de Lioncourt agree to do it. Their reasoning is let the couples have fun exploring, but everyone else knows that the pair wanted some “fun time” to themselves.

Things were still quiet for Lucy by the time the men finish prepping the fire pit. The girls had made a simple lunch of sandwiches for the gang, so the guys join the conversation and things continue to flow smoothly into a relaxing afternoon. With Natsu by her side, Lucy feels an additional calming energy and that helps to settle the remnants of creepy sensations she was still having. She didn’t know how of why he was having that effect on her but welcomed it regardless.

No matter where you go, there are spirits and because of her abilities, Lucy did what she could to acclimate to her surroundings. After moving to the islands, she familiarized herself with local legends and lore, about the gods and aumakua’s (spirit guardians), and so much more. There were tons of spirits here. But that didn’t mean she knew everything or when or where she may encounter them, and she certainly was no expert in how to deal with it. There’s no training manual for this stuff. The lucky ones find someone to mentor them, but beyond picking up tidbits where she could, Lucy worked by intuition most of the time.

After the incident in the tent, Natsu’s instincts were heightened. He couldn’t get a good read on what Lucy was thinking or feeling, but he could tell something was bothering her despite her downplays. But unless she was willing to tell him, he could only guess why her energy was spiking in an unusual manner and as darkness approached it was only increasing.

He watches her closely and starts to notice more troubling signs. Clearly, she was trying to hide them, but her mood was starting to change from engaged to removed. Where she was chatting normally at lunch, Lucy had slowed to only answering when spoken to. It was as if her mind was elsewhere and her energy level was waning. It reminded him of her behavior in the truck on their way to the site. Was it returning again?

“Here you go,” Natsu hands Lucy a plate of dinner. The group had barbecued some meat and thanks to the buildings electricity were able to make rice for a starch.

“Thanks,” she smiles, though the look behind it gave off a disinterested vibe.

Lucy had been holding her arm around her stomach as if it were bothering her. He’d just hoped she would say something if that were the case, but she never had. He sits down beside her, eating, and continuing his vigil. Was Lucy getting paler, or was it just the waning light? Even her eyes seemed dimmer.

“Are you feeling ill, you don’t look well.” Natsu finally whispers hoping not to gain attention from the group.

“Huh? Why?”

“You just look a little peaked is all.”

“I don’t know,” Lucy picks at the contents of her plate, “maybe I’m still tired… I kinda feel zapped all of a sudden.” She was feeling ill, as if an unexpected flu was kicking in, but she didn’t want to admit it. Her stomach was queasy, and her head was starting to get dizzy.

“If you’re not feeling well, I don’t mind taking you home.”

“No, no,” she shakes her head determined to push through this bout. “I don’t wanna ruin your weekend.” But shaking her head was a bad idea and now she really felt dizzy. Why was this happening now? She’d been perfectly fine when they were in Hilo.

“Luce, helping my girl out isn’t gonna ruin my weekend.”

“Are you sure? Because…” her voice trails out and eyes roll back seconds before Lucy collapses forward. She never had a chance to finish.

The next 30 seconds is like a slow-motion scenes in a movie. Her name is screamed, and gasps ring out. Natsu reacts on instinct, dropping his plate and shooting his hand out to grab her before she face plants onto the ground. Everyone around them is on their feet in a flash, rushing over for support. When he lands partially under Lucy, Gajeel and Gray help him to get back into a sitting position with the unconscious woman still cradled in his lap.

Natsu could feel a dark energy gathering around her that hadn’t been there before, triggering electrical sensations along his skin, similar to what he’d felt in the tent. This was not good… not good at all! Whatever had affected Lucy earlier in the day was intensifying. “I better get her to the hospital, somethings not right!” He scoops the unconscious woman up and gets to his feet.

Gray reaches out to support some of Lucy’s weight as Natsu stands up. “Yeah, man, do what you gotta do.”

“And don’t worry about your stuff, we’ll take care of it,” Gajeel chimes in. “You just worry about you’re woman.”

Levy places a hand on Natsu’s arm, her eyes clouded and barely holding back the pain of her concern. This was her best friend. With such an eventful afternoon, every worst-case scenario was running through her mind. Was Lucy sick? What kind of illness could strike a healthy young woman down so quickly? “Please call us as soon as you find out what’s wrong, okay, promise me.”

“Will do, Lev, I promise. Thanks guys.”

As Natsu secures Lucy into his truck, the girls grab the couple’s personal belongings like Lucy’s purse and a duffle bag of clothing for him. The camping gear, tent and such will be safe in the care of their friends. He was doing all he could to stay calm because the last thing he needed was to lose control and wreck his truck or something. When he climbs in and starts up the vehicle, he notices Lucy starting to stir a little. She was strapped in so she wouldn’t fall over, and her body stayed slumped, but her head was working to hold itself up. “Lucy? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah…” she mumbles with her eyes closed.

“I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“What… happened?”

“You collapsed.”

Once he makes it out of the country roads and clears the forest, the truck roars it down the highway. Natsu wanted to get Lucy to the hospital as quickly as possible since it was about 40-50 miles away. Lucy was healthy, so he was concerned with the speed this illness had hit her, fast and hard.

He keeps his eyes on the road but checks on the woman in his passenger seat every few seconds. When they’d put her in the truck, she was barely ambulatory and coherent. Lucy still had her eyes closed as she rested her head in the crook of the door frame and seat. She was breathing normally as far as he could tell and at least her arm had relaxed away from clenching around her abdomen.

If he didn’t know better, it was as if Lucy had fallen asleep again. But the longer he watched, the more he could tell the situation was changing. After 10 minutes of driving and reaching the Fern forest area, she had shifted in the seat, stretching out her legs and sitting upright.

“How ya feeling Lucy?”

“A little better,” she responds. It was strange, but the heavy pressure she had felt back at the camp was slowly lifting the further they got away from it. Her body still felt tired as if all the energy had been sucked from it, but at least the foreboding vibes were melting away and she could breathe easier again. It was a complete reversal of how she felt going to the area.

“That’s good to hear.” It wasn’t just her words that brought him some relief. Natsu could sense the shift. The aura around her was no longer as dark as it had been at the camp.

Another 10 minutes or so passes by and they’d reached the town of Mountain View. Here Natsu was forced to slow down due to a slower speed limit and higher traffic flow. They come to a red traffic signal, so he takes the opportunity to make a better assessment of his girlfriend. Not only was Lucy’s eyes open, but they looked bright and her skin wasn’t as pale anymore. She was sitting fully upright just looking around as if taking in the view. Certainly not the look of someone being rushed to the hospital.

“Could we stop and grab food,” Lucy asks out of the blue when they’re about to hit Keaau town. He turns and looks to see her smiling at him. “I’m really hungry all of a sudden.”

“Um, yeah sure,” his eyebrow raises in confusion, “we could stop at McDonalds.”

“Great!”

“You know,” he pauses, “you seem a lot better Lucy, like completely normal and that’s kind of freaking me out.”

Lucy averts her eyes and her lips curve down in a small frown. “I’m really sorry for worrying you Natsu.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“I don’t really like to talk about it…”

“Well I think I deserve to know considering you just scared the hell out of me Luce.”

She sighs, “You’re right— I-I don’t know exactly what happened back there, but there is something I haven’t told you or anyone else.”

Natsu can see the moisture building in her eyes, she was clearly torn and upset over whatever it was. He wasn’t angry that she’d withheld something from him, maybe a little annoyed, but he assumed she had a good reason for it. Lucy was never one to lie to him, so this must be a big deal to her. “You know I’d never judge you, right? You can tell me anything.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” she sighs again. “You don’t need to take me to the hospital, there’s nothing medically wrong with me.”

“Are you sure?”

Lucy nods. “Can we grab food and go back to your house? Then I’ll come clean… a-about everything.”

He picks up her hand and kisses it, nodding before turning off into the shopping complex’s parking lot. They order food through the drive through, then set off for his parent’s house in Hilo. It takes them about 20 more minutes to arrive and after giving a half-hearted explanation of cutting their trip short to his parents, the pair settle upstairs in Natsu’s bedroom.

Starving had been an understatement as Natsu watched Lucy inhale her burger. Normally he would finish meals first and would have to wait for her to catch up. It was eye opening, and probably the first time in all the years they’ve known each other he’s witnessed it. Of course, the whole day has been filled with new experiences with her, and this was the least concerning of it all.

With her food gone, Lucy pushes herself up and sits back against his headboard contemplating exactly how she should explain things to Natsu. She didn’t know why she was so worried about telling him, since he’s never been judgmental before. In fact, he often teased that he found her quirks endearing. But this wasn’t exactly normal. For his part, Natsu just sat on the bed in front of her in a cross-legged position, patiently waiting.

With her fingers fidgeting in her lap and her eyes boring holes into his comforter, Lucy starts out with a question of her own. “Do you believe in ghosts?”

“Never seen one before, but I believe it’s not impossible for them to exist.” He shifts in his position to let his legs stretch out and props himself with his arms behind his back. “I mean growing up here and being bombarded by the culture kind of gave me an open mind to it.”

“W-What if I told you that I’ve been able to see them since I was a kid? Would you think I’m weird?”

“You mean weirder than I already think you are? No,” he chuckles, “I wouldn’t.”

“I’m serious!” she pouts.

“So am I,” Natsu laughs harder. “Hey, I’m sorry,” he leans forward and pats her foot, his expression softening. “I’m just trying to show you that it doesn’t bother me. I’m not making fun of you, I promise. Is that what is was back there, a ghost?”

Lucy shakes her head. “I don’t think it was a regular ghost, and I still don’t fully understand what happened.”

“How about starting from the beginning. You were distracted before we even got to the place.”

“It was strange… like, as we drove into the area, I was getting a creepy feeling, you know, like when the hair stands up on the back of your neck? I tried to ignore it, but it only grew stronger once we reached the site. I kept telling myself it was nerves and then that daymare happened.” Lucy didn’t want to admit it, but in hindsight all the warning bells were there, and she’d chosen to ignore them. The creepy feelings, the energy drains, that daymare… If she’d listened to her instincts, she could have invoked a protection barrier. Of course, with how strong the energy source had been, she didn’t know if it would have worked, but trying would have been better than nothing.

“Yeah, the daymare. Do you remember it?”

She squeezes her eyes shut still wishing she couldn’t, but nods, “I do.” Sometimes her abilities came in handy and other times it was more like a curse. Lucy couldn’t see ghosts, but she could feel them, hear them, and being a sensitive attracted them to her. Most were benign, simply stuck in this realm, while others were angry and strong enough to affect the living world. As a sensitive, Lucy was more likely to become a target because just as she could sense them, they could sense her.

“Are you up to telling me? You don’t have to if you don’t want to cause you were pretty freaked out about it.”

“I should…”

Natsu realizes just thinking about it is triggering a small panic attack again. He sees her body start to shiver and shake. “H-Hey,” he quickly crawls over, pulls her into his lap and cradles her. “Don’t force yourself.”

“No, I-I want to. Maybe if I let it out, i-it’ll help.” Lucy releases an exhale. “I was in the forest hearing all these drumbeats and chanting and it was getting louder.” Her hands cover her ears as if she was re-living the dream. “I was so confused, no idea how I got there. My feet started to sink into the ground, and I couldn’t fight back when something grabbed me. I-I started to panic and the word kapu kept ringing in my head. I was screaming for you, for anyone… ugh the drums! A-and that’s when I woke up.”

He moves her hands away from her ears and tightens his embrace in a bid to make her feel safe again.

“After you calmed me down, I was able to forget about it for a while. I figured it was just a bad dream and moved on. But then during dinner I started to feel drained, like all my energy was being sucked away. I tried to ignore it thinking I was just tired and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the truck.”

“And this has never happened to you before?”

She shakes her head no. “At least not this bad before.” This wasn’t the first time Lucy had encountered an area heavy with spiritual energy. The islands were rife with it, but this was the first time that it had affected her to this extent.

“So, it has happened before?”

“Sort of… like once before when I went to a place that I learned later has evil spirits.” Lucy relaxes a little. “Best I can explain it, is when there’s really strong energies around me, it makes me feel weird, like zapped. Maybe there were powerful spirits around the camping area.” A chill runs along her spine causing her to shiver. “Definitely not going back to that place again.” Lucy looks up at Natsu. “Do you think I’m crazy?”

“Far from it.” He hugs her tighter. “You just have a gift and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Lucy snorts a laugh, “can I return this gift?”

“Mmmm,” he chuckles too, “probably not. But you know, you’re not alone, right? I mean, you’re the only person I know that’s actually seen stuff, but as far as being sensitive, you’re not the only one. My mom says that I have a little bit of empathic abilities. I don’t know,” he shrugs, “I just know I pick up on how people are feeling around me. That’s why I kept asking if you were okay.”

“Wow,” her eyes widen, “I had no idea.”

“Yeah, cause I don’t advertise it,” Natsu laughs. “The guys know about me, but it’s not something I talk about to others.”

She sighs, “guess we were both hiding something from each other.”

“I won’t hold it against you, if you won’t hold it against me.”

“Thank you Natsu.” Lucy leans up and kisses him softly. She cups his cheek in her hands, “I really appreciate you being so understanding.”

He places his hand over hers, eyes smiling, just holding the special moment. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” He then pulls her head against his shoulder.

Lucy settles happily on his lap just relieved that the whole ordeal was over. It was disheartening that she wouldn’t get to hang out with their friends this weekend but having Natsu with her was enough for now. They still had the rest of the summer to spare.

While she recuperated in his arms, Natsu sends a text to Gray and Levy explaining what happened. To his surprise the girl sends a message back saying she may know what Lucy was experiencing. There was a Hawaiian legend from the volcano area that may explain it. So, he calls Levy and puts her on speakerphone.

According to the girls readings, during the time King Kamehameha the First was working to unify all of the islands, many battles took place with local chiefs, including in the volcano area. Legend holds that sometimes spirits of deceased soldiers will continue to march in death. Such ‘Night Marchers’ have been seen right around the area where K.O.E.C. is located. They come out at specific times, which Levy had no idea when that could be. But perhaps, that was the source of what affected Lucy?

It was as good a guess as any.

Levy, “Some say that if the living encounters them, unless there is an aumakua in the procession of marchers to protect that person, they can become ill or even die from exposure. Course no one’s ever verified any of that.”

“I remember reading about the night marchers. I always thought it was exaggerated like a lot of claims are.” Lucy frowns, “but it sure explains what I might have been sensing.” She’d studied local lore because it was interesting to her and the culture in Hawaii made it fairly easy to research things. Stories of ancient tales and ghostly encounters abound here, but there was so much information, it wasn’t always easy to tell fact from fiction.

“Do you think they were warning you or something?” Natsu questions. “Cause it wasn’t even fully nighttime yet and I heard they come out later in the evening.”

“Ugh,” Lucy groans, “I have no idea because I really don’t fully understand all this stuff yet. Like I said, I thought night marchers were just folklore, so I never believed all the stories. But thanks Levy, knowing what it might have been makes me feel a lot better that I wasn’t going crazy.”

Levy, “Aww, you’re welcome Lu! It’s kind of late to pack it in for the night, but everyone agrees we rather find somewhere else to camp so you guys can join us for the rest of the weekend.”

“Wow, really? That’ll be so great!”

Levy, “Of course! It’s always better when everyone’s together. Take care you guys, and don’t worry about us. I’ll text you as soon as we figure out the plan.”

Natsu hangs up the phone and bundles Lucy close. “So, what’dya say? Spend the night here with me?”

“Your parents won’t mind?”

“Pfft, my parents love you. Just kinda bummed we can’t… you know,” he grins.

“I’m just as bummed about that too,” she teases, “but there’s always tomorrow.” Lucy cuddles against him and closes her eyes. Natsu’s energy was so soothing to her and now she knew why. It was kind of amusing that she ended up with a guy who had gifts like her, albeit a different one. Still, it made her feel normal for once in her entire life. “Thank you again Natsu, you know, for everything.”

He kisses the top of her head and leans his against hers. “You’re welcome, weirdo.”

“Yeah, well a weirdo you’re stuck with.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

><><><>Notes<><><><

Much of the spookier elements are based off an experience I had when I was around the age of 11 when we were taken to this location for a school trip. By the end of the day I was getting so sick a chaperone had to take me home, but just like in the story, once we were away from the area, I was completely fine. I’ve had many experiences over the years, this one isn’t even the scariest. No idea how you label me, all I know is I am sensitive, possibly an empath, I absorb and affect energy. I don’t actually see spirits, I just sense them and generally unless they are strong like those in this story, they don’t bother me or can’t because I can repel them now. Oh, and the reason I made Natsu have something too is just because lol. My husband actually sees stuff, and I think it’s ironic that I picked someone that has gifts too.

#nalu week 2020 #nalu #natsu dragneel #Lucy heartfilia #nalu fan fiction #nalu fan fic #au prompt #modern AU #ghost tale #petri808

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

Name: Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age: 31.

Gender(s): Female

Height: ~5′4

weight: 70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color: White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status: Single.

Are you physically healthy? No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?: No job.

school: I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal: Dogs and giraffes.

Flower: I don’t really have one.

Movie: I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music: I like variety.

Band: One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name: Alexander. ;)

Person: My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them?

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated? Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married? No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship? No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship? Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee.

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have? Zero.

2: What type of friend are you? Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none? One, my mom.

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why? Yes.

6: Do you get along with family? Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate? No.

8: Does your family accept who you are? Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings? I have 2 brothers.

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)? Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class? English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year? Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student? I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad? I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is.

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills? Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low? It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener? I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight? I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1) No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid.

3: Do you like to go to the doctors? Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work? I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood? No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor? I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils? No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness? Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable? Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research? Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders? I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there.

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it.

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin? Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated? I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually.

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these. <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

787

Stage one: Emotions. How often do you take actions you regret? Not super often, but it’ll come up once in a while.

Do you often feel guilty? As someone who was raised in a verbally abusive household and was always blamed, corrected, or shamed for not knowing any better, you bet your ass I feel guilty all the time. ‘Sorry’ is probably in my top 50 most used words haha. Do you have a short temper? A little bit, yeah. I got my mom’s impatience for most situations and I’m also a bit of a perfectionist, so if I’m in work mode and I see that something’s askew I’ll be fussy about it until it’s fixed.

When was the last time you lashed out at someone? This afternoon when I was feeling super stressed and was venting to Gabie, but I had the vibe that she wasn’t all ears. And why was that? Because I would assume anyone would feel shitty when they’re ranting to someone they trust and that person acts like they aren’t listening?

Does it always seem like the entire world is out to get you? I have weeks like this, but it’s not constant. Overall, I think the world is mostly decent with me. Have you ever had a serious mental break down? Yeup, tons. What led up to this? (sadness, depression, fury, confusion, etc) I’m not getting into them lmao? Do you believe it is just natural for humans to feel lonely? Of course. Everyone goes through their own battles that makes them feel this way, and sometimes the physical presence of other people or having a packed schedule wouldn’t be enough either. Do you ever feel lonely, even in the presence of those you know or love? Yeah, that’s what I was just trying to say in the last question. There’ve been a few times I wasn’t feeling my best, and I thought going to Skywalk was going to fix stuff but it didn’t. Do you believe that these are the "best years of your life"? High school and college were, but I'm expecting to stumble a bit in the next few years as I try to navigate adulthood and make the best of my 20s. I think it’s normal though as I know most people feel the same when they’re in their mid-20s, so I’ve come to terms with the fact that it might not be the best years for a while. Or do you follow the "the best is yet to come" philosophy? Yeah, but I also don’t just depend on the future to be great. I’m able to realize when there’s good things happening in the present too. Does it sometimes feel like your life is being wasted or not going anywhere? Occasionally. Nothing good comes out of those thoughts though, so I never entertain them. Tell me about the last time you were truly, truly happy. Sometime in January. I drove my girlfriend to her place and there was no one home, so we used that time to catch up and talk and watch Titanic haha. Being it was the beginning of the sem, I still didn’t have any class requirements or org deliverables so it was really just an evening to spend time with her. I love moments like those the most because it’s when I’m reminded how much I love having her around. Stage two: Relationships. How long was your longest relationship? My current one, which is running at four years. Though we’ve been linked together for much longer than that, so whenever I wanna impress people a little bit more I also sometimes say six years hahahaha How old were you when you had your first boyfriend or girlfriend? I was 16. Do you (or have you ever) had feelings for the SAME sex? Yes, that’s my situation right now. Do you consider yourself gay or bisexual? How strongly do you feel about it? For a while I thought I was bi because I liked Gab and had small crushes on some guys we were friends with in high school. It was also because everyone in school who also liked girls considered themselves bi, so me thinking I was bi was mostly an environment thing and I just thought I was one of them as well, because it was all I heard about. Through the years other orientations were given awareness, and eventually I found that demisexuality is most fitting for me. Have you ever had your heart broken? Many times in a lot of ways. Did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your high school bf/gf? I mean, I still think that until now. Is it harder to get dumped or do the dumping? I’ve only been on one side of this so I wouldn’t know how to compare. Have you been able to stay good friends with any of your exes? Yes, but it took a while before we could mend our friendship. We couldn’t talk to each other for a couple of months but we patched things up after realizing our friendship was too important to throw away just because of a breakup. If so, is there any tension (sexual or not) between the two of you? There was, after a short while lol. Hence us getting back together anyway. Would you ever date someone that your friend liked or HAD dated? I wouldn’t do that. When was the last time you were kissed? First week of March. Are you a virgin? Do you believe virginity is "sacred"? No and no. How many times have you been in love? Was it always real? Once and yes. Stage three: Friendships. Would you say that you have a lot of friends? Yep. I’m really glad I’ve met a lot of progress when it comes to this. All I wanted in Grade 6 was one friend and now I have more friends than I ever imagined having, so it feels pretty awesome. Have you ever been considered to be a "loner"? Yeah, throughout elementary and some parts of high school. People would only talk to you if you shared the same interests, and back then I couldn’t find anyone who was like me. It made it hard to talk to anyone period because everyone already had their own set of friends. How often do you hang out with your friends? I obviously can’t now, but before the lockdown I would hang out with at least one friend a day. There’s always at least one person at our org lounge so it was easy to find someone to study with, get street food with, have lunch with, etc. Do you have a specific hang out or house that you go to? Yeah, the org lounge that we call Skywalk. It’s habit for anyone in the org to just drop by there when we have free time, or if we wanna hang out together. If my orgmates and I don’t feel like being at Skywalk, we go to a nearby bar called Tomato Kick. I have another friend group that includes Angela, and for that bunch we typically go to another local bar in the area for cocktails and shisha. Have you ever done anything illegal to help a friend? Other than giving them movie files I’ve pirated...no not really lol If not, would you be willing to? What would be your limit? Eh, I don’t like breaking the rules so I probably wouldn’t go all that far to begin with. Who is your best friend? VERY best. Choose. Angela. Have any of your friends ever stabbed you in the back? Yes, but they’re not my friends anymore. Did you forgive them? Are you still friends? No and no. Are your friends the only people that "get you"? I don’t think so. I’ve become pretty flexible through the years and can mostly adjust depending on who I’m with. Do you think your friends know you better than your own parents? They absolutely do. Have you ever lost a close friend because they died? I didn’t count Nacho as a close friend (cause I’m super particular about that title lol), but he was my friend all the same. Have you ever lost a friend because they gained a bf/gf and dropped you? No, this hasn’t happened. Are your friends your support system? =] Yes. Stage four: Family Life Are both your parents alive? They are. Were you raised by your biological parents? Technically I was raised by my grandma for most of my childhood haha, but yeah both my parents were present. Has your family ever been broken? I have an aunt (dad’s sister) who has had a couple unsuccessful relationships, but nothing in my immediate family. Do you think your parents respect your space? My dad does, which I hugely appreciate. My mom doesn’t know the basic rules of privacy and has never even learned how to knock. She just barges in, which puts me in a sour mood literally every single time she does it. Are you close with you siblings, if you have any? I’m a little close with my sister, like we crack jokes together and never fight and stuff, but not emotionally close. For instance I wasn’t able to physically comfort her when her cat died, but I made sure to flood her Messenger with messages to let her know I cared. I don’t have any relationship with my brother whatsoever. How often does your family fight or have big arguments? We don’t normally fight as a family. It’s mostly me and my mom who butt heads. Does your family hold very high religious beliefs? My mom does... we’re just forced to go along with it because she’s a bit of a brat and if we don’t do things her way, she’ll slam doors and bump against us on purpose, petty shit like that to let her know she isn’t happy. Are you the "black sheep" of your household? I used to be. I was a handful to deal with and there was just a lot of angst inside of me; and I attribute that to the abuse I got from my mom early on, which I’ve never gotten a resolution or closure to. Throughout my teen years she was able to twist the story and surface as the wonderful mother while I was the troubled teen that would never amount to anything, so it definitely looked like I was the black sheep. Thankfully I rose above it as I got older. Have you ever in anger told your parent(s) that you hated them? No. How often are you diciplined or punished or grounded? This has only happened a handful of times. Grounding isn’t common here and as mean as my mom was, she liked sticking to verbal abuse than punishment. The worst thing my parents did was take my gadgets and that only happened like twice. Do you feel like you are allowed to express yourself inside your own home? No. I have a whole-ass four-year relationship my parents have no clue about. Are your parents very controlling of the person "they want you to be"? Nope, they give me freedom which I give them credit for. They never told me what course they wanted me to take in college, what career they want for me, none of that stuff. Your family really does love each other, doesn't it? I guess. It could always be a little more, though. Are you planning to move away when you turn 18? I’m 22 now and I’m still here, so.

#survey #surveys

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froggybaek · 5 years

Text

healing - seo changbin

♛➩ genre: angst, mega fluff, a dash of suggestiveish content that lasts for .5 seconds, single dad!au

♛➩ pairing: fem!reader x changbin

♛➩ warnings: mentions of death, disease

♛➩ summary: you’ve known seo changbin since your high school years. back then, he was surrounded by proud teachers, parents, classmates, and a wonderful girlfriend; now, he only has his little bundle of joy, a cousin from australia who barely knows how to manage a microwave, and you.

♛➩ word count: 9.2k

Seo Changbin has always been an enigma.

While you hadn’t been as lucky as others in being able to claim that you had known the mysterious boy since your elementary school days, you were able to make it known to the few friends you had that you got to witness his heydays; namely the four year period of high school.

You had been in the same year as Changbin, hell you happened to share a couple of classes over those four years with him. Anytime you needed to interact with him, more so assigned projects and less actual friendship related endeavors, you would find yourself stunned with his sheer intellect and determination to get an assignment done with the highest marks possible. If it hadn’t been for his endearing persistence in your music theory class - well, you probably would’ve been gifted with a big, fat F on your final report card before graduation.

However, Seo Changbin was not only remarkably intelligent; he was also incredibly friendly and helpful to just about everyone. Some folks with sour expressions and singed hearts tried to put down his accomplishments and overwhelming popularity, making rumors that he only acted so kind because it would literally be his job in the future. Obviously they might have held a teaspoon of truth to their stingy words, but it was even more obvious that Changbin was just a good person in general.

He liked to volunteer in his very, very thin amount of spare time; there wasn’t one set space for him to go, he just kind of showed up - everywhere. One time, you had spotted him volunteering at an animal shelter, cooing at a three-legged dog while he cradled a malnourished looking kitten in his arms. Another occasion you’d seen him volunteering was after you’d visited your grandfather at the retirement center, only to enter the common area and watch with a warm smile as Changbin danced with a pair of graying women, who had been giggling like young schoolgirls.

So, that was one spectrum of the boy that most everyone knew about. Some claimed that he had to have a sort of photographic memory, since he apparently didn’t need to study all that much to ace his hardest classes; which included the terrifying likes of anatomy and advanced placement chemistry. Those who said that he didn’t study much tended to trail off and make small talk of how they thought he did producing of all things on the side. While you knew the dark haired boy had an augmented creative side, you also knew very well that anyone aspiring to become a medical student had to focus mostly on their coursework - even if they had an impeccably large IQ.

You figured that was why he was so kind, even during the most stressful weeks of school. After all, committing your future career to become a nurse or a doctor was a difficult task that would likely lead someone to deal with even more difficult people. He would have to train himself to be patient and understanding, right?

Well, you wouldn't know. For one, you weren't all too close with him to make any sort of claim about either him or his dreams. Secondly, you were veering a great distance away from anything related to the field of medicine - you just wanted a simple job that involved kids.

That isn't to say you wanted kids of your own anytime soon, you just happened to get along with the vast majority of them quite easily, and they were entertaining in themselves. Surely a teaching career wouldn't be too far off the mark.

In any case, it was easy to say that you and Changbin were miles apart - from what little you knew about him, that is.

And that gap was only made larger not even a few months after your graduation.

“Morning babe.” Mark Lee hummed as he walked into the classroom, or studio, for lack of a better term. The brunette boy carried not only his giant backpack that was filled to the brim with textbooks and art supplies, but also a handful of snacks and two cups of - honestly you weren't sure. He tended to randomly pick and choose the drinks you would share during art class, so you could never be too sure what the next beverage could be.

You offer your friend a small wave of greeting, holding a hand out to grab the black reusable bag and one of the drinks from his trembling hands while he struggled to sit down in the chair next to yours. “Good morning, glasses.”

He whined at your choice nickname for him - all the while pushing his wide glasses farther up the frame of his nose. “I - will ignore your crude and very unimaginative nickname for once, because I have some tea to spill-”

“Please, for my sanity and your own, never say that out loud again.” You murmur in a monotone voice, bringing the lid of the cup up to your lips and taking a quick sip.

Hmm... hot chocolate with marshmallows. Delicious.

“- as I was saying until I was rudely interrupted,” he continued without missing a beat, though you happened to catch how he beamed gleefully at your small thumbs up to thank him for the hot chocolate, “do you remember Seo Changbin from school? You know, the kid that got like, three scholarships to colleges in America?”

“Yeah, I remember him. Why?”

Mark plops down in his seat, rustling in his bag to dig out his art supplies before the bell rang. “I found out from Lucas that his girlfriend got pregnant maybe two or three months before our finals. She gave birth to their kid about a week ago and she uh -...” He trails off quietly, too quietly for your liking.

“What? Mark, I didn't catch that last part.”

He gulps and looks up from the depths of his heavy backpack, nervously nibbling on his bottom lip before he meets your confused gaze.

“She died during the delivery.”

————————————————————————

Finding out that someone you knew had passed away was never fun. Even if you barely knew them, just remembering that they had at some point been part of your life - that was enough to have you slumped over in your seat for the next few days in each and every class.

She had been bright and always so full of life, as much as a high school student could be, anyway. The girl had her life planned ahead for the next ten years, from schools, to parties, even to when she would get married; and she had wanted so desperately to marry Seo Changbin.

While no one had expected the pair to actually stay together for the past three years of life, they had stuck to it as best as they possibly could for a young, naïve couple. Sure, they did have their ups and downs, like the time where she and Changbin argued in the middle of lunch about how he forgot one of their date nights; but then again, what was a relationship if there weren't a few mishaps here and there?

Around the middle of senior year, rumors had started to spread like wildfire around the school. People were speculating if Changbin would go off to America for his studies and leave his girlfriend behind, or if he would stay at home in South Korea just to be with her. Others, the more pessimistic ones to say the least, pondered crudely if he would dump her and leave without another word to the foreign country for their schools.

From what Mark had told you, Changbin had been planning to stay with his girlfriend - in a long distance relationship, that is. She hadn't been too thrilled with the idea of him going alone with no “evidence,” so to speak, of their being in love. Apparently she had actually been getting ready to propose to him instead of the more common, traditional route.

She never got to propose.

Instead, she had fallen pregnant with his child unexpectedly. She had begged Changbin to stay so they both could be real parents to their child, and he had quietly agreed. By then, they had started to fall out of love, even with their unborn child resting in her belly for nine months.

And then... then she had died, leaving their newborn baby girl in the arms of a now lonely Seo Changbin.

After you figured you had somewhat recovered from the shocking news, just about two weeks later, you’d debated on personally calling or messaging the man to express your condolences. For hours you sat in the rickety chair that rested in front of your desk, staring blankly at the screen of your laptop. For hours your gaze flickered back and forth between the text box that indicated you wanted to message the man and the now empty profile of his social medias.

Once the fourth hour had passed, you gave up and stood up, stretching before you went to shut your laptop - then you thought about how you would feel in his situation.

You would wish for anyone to express their condolences, right?

Wouldn't you want to know that someone else cared, that someone else was there for you?

Then, still standing in quite the strange, hunched over position, you reopened your silver laptop and typed the first words that came to mind.

‘She was a wonderful person, you know. She would be so glad that your baby is safe with her father.’

————————————————————————

“I’m sorry, you did what now?”

“I said that I - well um, funny story, actually! I might have, possibly, maybe, perhaps... let Chenle and Jisung monitor the toddlers?”

You let out a deep sigh of pure disbelief, running a hand through your hair before you ended up losing what little sanity you could possibly have left after such a long day of work. “So... you're telling me that you let the two youngest volunteers, who are practically toddlers themselves, watch over our own toddlers all alone for the past hour?”

The brunette shifting on his feet in front of you nodded quickly, offering a nervous yet cheerful smile as if it could magically make you forgiven his less than intelligent decision.

“Mark, I know that they’re your friends and you trust them dearly, but as volunteers they aren’t allowed to be by themselves with any of the kids under eight years old.” You explained to your coworker and friend, feeling a drop of guilt when his lips turned into a classic pout and his eyes drooped from his scolding. “I won’t tell Jongdae this time, okay? Just go watch over those two and I’ll handle the front desk for you.”

He glances up at you from where he’d been staring sadly at the carpeted floor, his shining brown gaze brightening up again at your soft words. “R-really? You would take over my spot just so I don’t get in trouble?”

“You’ve covered for me god knows how many times, dude. Don’t worry about it. I’d supervise the little demons myself, but I kind of want to get some homework done while I can.” You admit with a careless shrug, moving forward to playfully ruffle his already messy brown hair. “Hurry up before he gets back and sees whatever mess they’ve probably made.”

The boy (well, technically “man,” but you couldn’t really see him as one since you were the same age and still mostly acted like willy teenagers) practically bounces on the heels of his feet, all the while showing you his undying appreciation by vigorously spurting out soft thank-you’s.

Once he shuts the white, wooden door painted with a daft excuse of a sunflower behind him and enters the toddler room, you walk over to the front desk of the daycare and slump over in the rolling chair. The material is a bit worn and not too comfortable, but it would suffice for the next couple of hours while you worked on some sociology homework that might have been a few days late.

Since it is only the middle of the day, just half an hour past lunchtime, you weren’t really expecting anyone to walk into the daycare. When the dingy bell hung above the front door let out an all too familiar, but also unexpected sound, you nearly jumped out of your skin in surprise.

Now stood in front of the front desk, just a good two feet away from you, stands a man who looks a tad familiar. His entire ensemble reminds you of a middle schooler who just found out about Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco, which probably would've made you snort in amusement at any other moment.

But this man - if he was one, since he looked eerily young, somewhat similar to how you viewed Mark Lee, pulled off the all black look perfectly. His black undershirt had an odd white signa, likely belonging to a business or brand, stitched into the presumed cotton material. The man wore worn, ink colored jeans that were somewhat baggy around his legs, but not sleazily slouched; and his undershirt was tucked into the waistband, too.

Clutching onto his leather jacket, which was also, unsurprisingly, a dark black hue, was a baby. No, not a toddler or a clingy child, but a baby who couldn’t be more than a few months old - not with how small and chubby its fingers were, and certainly not with how the poor man had dribbles of what looked like milk running down the shoulder of his jacket.

“Um - hi,” you breathe out after an awkward moment of silence, offering the tired looking man a warm smile, “how can I help you?”

“I - I was wondering if-” his words are cut off by a loud wail from the baby in his arms. Squirming about with the little tot, he clearly struggles to try and calm it down, hissing in pain when it gums on one of his fingers. “Shit - no, I mean shoot - do you guys w-watch over babies?”

The raven haired man continues to try and calm the baby down, but to no avail.

“We do, don't worry... not to pry, but are you - are you a new father?” The question slips past your lips before you can overthink them, as you usually do, according to most of your friends and coworkers. When he only nods in reply, you can’t help but chuckle softly under your breath.

The rolling chair slides backwards as you push yourself up from the bottom cushion, making an insignificant ‘thump’ against the back shelving unit. You walk out from behind the desk and end up right next to the panicking father, lips curled into a sweet smile. “Can I try something?”

He glances wearily between you and his crying baby, which did make you wonder what had to be going through his head if he was so hesitant to entrust his little one with a stranger even though he had first come inside just to make sure your center also took in babies.

“... sure, go ahead.” The stranger eventually caved and gave in, carefully handing off his precious little bundle of joy off to your waiting arms.

You’d handled babies countless times since you were the one in charge of them most of the time in the daycare, not to mention when you were younger you babysat the little ones quite often. So, handling this cute, wide-eyed baby was nothing foreign to you. Gently curling it up into the crook of your arms, you swayed back and forth like a ship at sea being swaddled by gentle ocean waves.

In no time at all, the baby had calmed down, its previous wailing cries now replaced by adorable cooing. “Boy or girl?” You ask the man quietly, still grinning warmly as your gaze met that of his baby’s.

“She’s a girl - her name is Eden.”

One of your eyebrows shoots up in surprise at the name, as it wasn’t natively Korean in any sense of the word. Seeing your interested and confused expression, the man rubs one of his arms and continues, “my cousin helped me name her. He’s Australian, so he kinda only gave me English names.”

“What about her mother? Did the missus not have any say in this matter?” You tease the stranger, looking over to him, expecting to see a flushed or embarrassed grimace on his tired features.

Yet, all you see is grief.

“Eden’s mother... she died giving birth to her.”

“I - I’m so sorry, sir,” you murmur sympathetically, furrowing your eyebrows at how strange it is to know of two cases such as his own in just the span of half a year, “I... well I wasn’t close to the mother or father, but I knew of a girl who died during childbirth as well. It’s absolutely awful.”

“Damn, I knew I looked different, but I didn't think it was that bad.” He snorts dryly, his deep brown eyes flickering all across your face.

Confusion etches itself across your features. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s me, Changbin. We uh, went to the same high school,” he explains to you, watching closely as your lips fall open into a surprised ‘oh’ shape, “you sent me a message ages ago, saying that... that she’d be happy since Eden still has her dad.”

He was right - he really had changed. Physically, that is.

When he walked in, you hadn't even been able to recognize the boy who just graduated along with the rest of your class a mere eight months ago. You were so used to his freshly shaven face and smooth, shining skin with full cheeks that reminded you of a junior named Han Jisung. Back then, he had short, black hair that was in an undercut, perfectly framing his face.

Now, Changbin had stubble that only added on to his tired persona, complimenting the faded purple bags sunken under his once bright, gleeful eyes. His cheeks, once round and full like a squirrel’s, were sharp and somehow sunken at the same time.

“Thank you, by the way,” Changbin muttered, “for the message. I mostly got half-assed texts saying they were sorry for my loss. Yeah, they meant well, but - no one besides you said anything about Eden only having me.”

“She’s very lucky you know,” you begin to reply, glancing back down at the baby girl staring up at you innocently, “to have someone like you as her father.”

“Someone... like me?”

You nod at his questioning, almost conflicted tone of voice. “Of course. From what I remember, the Seo Changbin I sort of knew in high school was so intelligent that he had over seven offers from universities around the world, just for medical school. He also volunteered, like, everywhere and made it his job to make sure everyone he met was happy.”

His eyebrows furrow as if he was in deep thought, clearly contemplating your kind, comforting words.

“I’m afraid to say it, but that side of me died a long time ago.” He replies shortly, coldly, leaving you no possible way to continue to conversation without it becoming awkward.

What had happened to him?

————————————————————————

Daycares were naturally very, very loud settings. You knew that, Mark knew that, just about everyone understood that single factor when signing up to work at the decently sized childcare center just down the street of the local elementary school.

That didn't mean that you were used to it, though.

“Eden? Eden - sweetie, we don’t eat crayons.” You exhale tiredly through your nose as you pick up the brunette haired girl in your arms once again, pushing aside the twinge of guilt that strikes your heart when she lets out a pitiful whine.

It was like she knew that she was your favorite of the bunch, always whining whenever you lightly scolded her for her wrongdoings. She was only a year and three months old, but she wasn’t lacking in the intellect department by any means. If anything, she had the mind of a two or three year old toddler, constantly testing your patience to see how far you would let her go.

Whilst you carry the girl in your arms, gently hoisting her up so her rounded chin rested on your shoulder, you could faintly hear Chenle and Jisung crying out over the most recent mess in the art room. From what Jaemin had told you, Eden had literally led a pack of older children into said art room and somehow found it in herself to convince them to paint - but not on the papers laid out appropriately on the desks, no; rather, they painted on the floor and the walls.

One of the older children, a six year old called Eunwoo, had promptly explained that Eden’s babbled words were law to them. She had pointed to the paint sets, then the walls, and let out a cute giggle followed by incoherent noises of pure joy. To them, that meant ‘paint everything you can!’

How her dad never gave into her oh so persuasive babbles, you would never know - simply because you occasionally fell for them, too.

“So she’s resorted to trying to snack on blue and green crayons, huh?”

Speak of the devil.

“She sure has. She has also become the leader of the other kids, according to my knowledge.” You laugh in an exhausted amusement, smiling tiredly as you turn to face Changbin himself.

He looked as utterly exhausted as you felt, truly. Not that you particularly blamed the man, since he had just arrived back from working at the mechanics shop, which was already a good hour drive away from the daycare center. And just this morning, he had to make a run to another part-time job he had at the gas station closest to the middle school a few blocks away.

To put it simply, he overworked himself, constantly. While his cousin’s parents from Australia did their best to send him checks every now and then, they did still have their own family to take care of - and neither his parents or the grandparents of Eden felt the need to support him.

It was awful and cruel, in your honest opinion; how both families treated their son and granddaughter, like they were sticks in the mud. Changbin’s parents claimed that he disappointed them the second they found out he was going to drop out of any scholarship opportunities to raise Eden, and truth be told her mother’s own parents were too stricken with grief to even look at her.

Since he had no time at all to actually go to school, Changbin ended up taking three different jobs all at once just so he could support his little ball of sunshine. Anyone could see the mental exhaustion that seemed to just radiate off of him most of the time - well, except when he was with his daughter.

Whenever he was able to have time with her, its like he had the whole world in the palms of his hands. Changbin would give up everything for Eden with no hesitation, even his own dignity and respect.

“Alright sunshine, you need to say sorry to Miss Y/N,” Changbin cooed to his little girl as he scooped her up carefully from your grasp, his previously cold, almost haunting gaze switching into one of warmth and pure love, “come on baby, say sorry.”

Eden parted her lips, and for a split second the two of you shared a look of excitement - would she finally say her first word?

Then a bit of drool dribbled down her chin, not a single word or even a babble to show that she had heard her father’s encouraging plights.

“Ah, f-fudge... totally not a bad word. Nope.” Changbin nearly missed cursing, having sheepishly caught sight of your narrowed eyes when he stuttered on the dreaded ‘f-word.’

“Once she starts picking up on the things you say - and almost say, Eden will only repeat whatever her dear dad says,” you hum knowingly as you scooch closer to the pair, gently wiping the drool off of the brunette baby’s chin, “hey, isn’t her doctor’s appointment today? Or am I confusing it with next Monday?”

The man in question is about to reply when you unconsciously use the dainty yellow tissue just on his daughter’s chin to wipe off the string of drool that had fallen onto his stained blue shirt. When he doesn’t respond for a moment, you tilt your head up and quickly recognize the faint flush to his cheeks.

You should probably move your hands off of his chest - which... was pretty broad; snap out of it!

Without a word you step back, nearly stumbling in your sudden moment of sheer embarrassment. As if he too had snapped out of his stunned daze, Changbin clears his throat and nods. “I - erm, yeah no; it’s today. I have to take her home and give us both a quick bath before we go, though.”

You nod your head, willing your cheeks to not flush a deep red color as he talks. Why in the world has he suddenly gotten you so flustered and riled up?

“Hopefully it’s just an ear infection and nothing too serious,” he added, “I really don’t know if I can handle more bills, you know?”

Eden wriggles in his arms, slowly becoming restless. He leans down and softly kisses her button-nose, a cute action that always resulted with the baby giggling and grasping at her father’s cheeks.

“I doubt it is anything serious, Changbin. Don’t forget, a lot of the kids tend to get some sort of pesky infection this time of year.” You try to reassure the worried, tense man, offering him a gentle smile when he glances back up from his daughter to you.

He pauses for a second, digesting your reassuring words before he mimics your small smile, a sight that was rare to see from the normally stoic man. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess it’s just the first time jitters, then.” Changbin chuckles softly, readjusting his now yawning child so she could rest her puffy face in the crook of his neck.

“Call m- I mean, call the front desk if she does have an infection, please. We want to keep everything extra sanitized if any of the kids get sick.”

Nice save.

His chapped lips twitch into a hint of an amused smirk upon catching wind of your stammer, but he doesn’t call you out on it; thankfully enough. “I will, don’t worry Y/N. Hopefully both of us will see you tomorrow.” He hums, using his fingers to guide Eden’s hand into making a tiny wave before they leave, the glass door swinging shut behind them.

————————————————————————

Two weeks have passed since then with no call from Changbin. You were a bit worried, to say the least, constantly waiting at the front desk for the call that should have gone through days ago. Your co-workers kept insisting that it was no big deal, that maybe she was sicker than believed and had to stay home while she recovered.

“Think about it, Y/N - he’s still pretty new at this whole dad thing. He probably got so worked up about making sure Eden is recovering well enough that he just... forgot to call.”

That was what Mark had said, but you just couldn’t shake this awful gut feeling stirring in your stomach; something felt wrong. You hoped dearly that you were wrong, obviously. You hoped and hoped and hoped that Changbin and Eden were just fine, maybe taking time off if she was, in fact, sick, or perhaps her dotting dad had randomly taken them off on a trip for whatever reason. While the former was less likely considering his financial issues, it was all your fried brain could possibly think of.

On the fourteenth day of playing the waiting game, you just about caved and looked into the records so you could potentially call Changbin yourself - but then the phone rings, startling you so much that you nearly toppled out of the rolling chair you’d been sat in the past three hours.

You lunge to the blue phone, though you don’t answer it until you manage to properly compose yourself - you didn’t know who the caller was, but you didn’t want said caller to hear your hitched breath and voice tainted with worry.

With another deep breath, you recollect yourself and bring the phone up to your ear. “H-hello, this is Chen’s Daycare Center! How may I help you?”

“Uh, is Y/N working today?” An unfamiliar voice rings out in the speaker, causing you to quirk an eyebrow, since it sounded a bit younger than you expected - and pretty damn deep, too. “I’m Seo Changbin’s cousin, he’s Seo Eden’s dad. This is kind of important.”

“Actually, I’m Y/N - you’re Felix, right? Changbin has mentioned you before.”

The boy breathes out in what sounds like relief on the other line. “Yeah, that’s me! I don’t really have a lot of time, sorry, but there’s something... well, not wrong, but - ah fuck, I’m so bad at this,” Felix huffs, pausing to collect the words he needed to say, “basically, Eden is sick. I’m watching her right now while Bin is working, and no one else will pick up their fucking phone. Could you maybe come by his apartment, please?”

Eden is sick.

Changbin left his cousin home alone to watch Eden - while she’s sick.

Eden is sick.

You would really have to pay Jaemin and Mark back after today. “Of course! What’s the address?”

————————————————————————

You couldn’t believe that you were standing right outside of Seo Changbin’s apartment. You couldn’t comprehend that you, of all people, were knocking on the front door, snorting in amusement at the deep accented voice of his own cousin calling out with a, “just a second!”

In the corner of your wandering gaze, you smile to yourself at the sight of colorful chalk strewn onto the concrete wall of the hallway on the second floor. It was evident that Eden had drawn the pastel pink and royal blue flower and sharp green grass, and it was even more obvious by the straighter, less messy lines of the bright yellow sun and poofy white clouds that her dad had drawn that section of the cute little portrait.

Eden, unlike the other rather mischievous kids at the daycare center, preferred to messily draw on the walls instead of the floor. This quirky little trait even transpired at home, as well.

You turn back to the front door when it finally swings open, revealing a boy who couldn’t have been a year older than you or Changbin. Felix - yes, that was his name, if you remembered correctly.

Even though he was a tad bit sweaty and clearly out of breath, Felix’s ginger hair with slightly darker brown roots was somehow swept into a perfect swoop, his freckled cheeks a little flushed and red.

How adorable.

“H-hi, you must be Y/N,” he breathed out a warm greeting, not hesitating to let you wander inside the apartment before he quietly closed and locked the front door behind you, “uh, b-before you do anything, I should exp-”

“Eden!” You hum in pure joy as you walk over to where the curly haired girl was sat on a wool carpet, her back facing you. You hadn’t meant to interrupt the poor boy, but going a solid two weeks without seeing the little tyke had deprived you more than you thought possible. “Hey sweetheart, it’s Miss Y/N!”

She didn’t turn at the sound of your voice.

Not wanting to startle her too much, figuring she just hadn’t been paying enough attention to hear your familiar, happy voice, you bend down behind her and try again. “Eden? Hey, it’s me! I’m going to help Felix watch over you for a while.”

No movement, no nothing - she just sat idly in the middle of the living room, quietly playing with her wooden blocks.

Slowly, you tap on the little girl’s shoulder, finally managing to catch her attention. She practically whipped her tiny body around in excitement, letting out oddball gurgles of joy. Holding her stubby arms out, she wiggled and tried to stand up on her own two feet so she could climb into your arms; but you beat her to it, swinging her up with a gleeful smile and cradling her in your arms.

Now content with the giggling baby in your grasp, you turn back to Felix, your own wide smile fading slightly at his remorseful frown.

“She uh... Eden... you remember how I told you she’s sick?” He asked you softly, stepping closer so he could hold out a finger to her, the both of you watching as she clings onto him.

You nod in reply, prompting him to continue. “The doctors say that she has m-meningitis - technically it’s just bacterial meningitis, so not totally fatal, thank god.” He forced out a dry laugh, crinkling his eyes at Eden as she begins to nibble on the end of his finger. “Apparently she’s had it for a while, but by the time we caught on to it, it was too late. S-she’s already lost a majority of her ability to hear, so she’s partially... deaf.”

Oh no.

“They prescribed some strong antibiotics that are helping her recover, but they can’t help with her deafness. She won’t go totally deaf, hopefully, but she’ll have to learn sign language and will need hearing aids. Bin’s been beating himself up about not catching it sooner, so he’s been shutting down... he only goes to work and comes home to be with her as much as possible.”

“That’s why he didn’t call,” you murmur quietly, looking back down to the gurgling baby in your arms, noting the lack of a hearing aid as of yet, “how is he holding up? Besides what you just told me.”

Felix’s shoulders sag at your question, not that he blamed you for asking. From what he’d heard from his older cousin, you were one of the only other people that he talked to frequently and trusted enough to take care of his daughter. Other than himself and a select few co-workers from his various jobs, Changbin didn’t socialize much.

He also knew that you’d taken a liking to Eden quickly, and that in turn the father and daughter duo had gotten used to you just as fast; that in itself was pretty rare, for the dad, anyway. When neither Woojin or Minho had answered his frantic calls, he looked through the slip of paper that his elder had left him in case he needed help with Eden. One of them had been labelled ‘Daycare - Y/N.’

“He hasn’t been doing great, if I’m being honest,” he muttered, “he doesn’t really trust anyone other than me to be patient with Eden, especially now that she has to have someone around willing to walk her through everything again. He actually told me that he was going to call you, but he also mentioned that you spoke about being a bit flunked with schoolwork recently.”

Stupid, stupid Changbin - why, you would hit him when he returned from work! You constantly reminded him that you, or more so the center, was always on call in case he or the other parents needed anything. That was pretty much the policy, courtesy of the founder, Kim Jongdae, or as the kids called him, Chen. While the kids were the main priority and focus, it was also common knowledge that a handful of parents (especially newer, less experienced ones) would drop by for some tips or hands on experience.

On the other hand, you were a little less agitated with his lack of calls because he’d considered your own schedule - which had been pretty hectic for a hot minute, as you did tell him one day, but that didn’t mean you were totally off the handle. He knew that you adored Eden, as well as the other kids, and that you’d drop everything if it meant helping them.

“If I’d known about all of this, I would’ve come over to help...” you grumble under your breath, now going to follow the footsteps of the Australian boy as he makes way towards the tiny kitchenette area.

Felix chuckles at your mildly annoyed words, going to toss what looked to be a burnt pancake in the trash. “You know, he said that you would be pissed once you found out. Says that you have this natural motherly side to you.”

You blush a bit at his amused comment, but don’t try to argue against it. After all, you supposed that’s why you did so well in the childcare field; you just really liked kids and went with their flow.

“He also said that was part of what he found super hot about you,” he continued, a smirk spreading across his plump lips when your jaw dropped in shock, “he’s always talking about you, or Eden - or about how, and I quote, ‘fucking sexy it is watching an intelligent, kind woman taking care of his babygirl,’ course he says... other things, too, but I don't dare to repeat those words around his own kid.”

In an attempt to ignore the furious red blush heating up your cheeks, you clear your throat and hastily change the subject. “I’m guessing you needed m-my help with cooking lunch?”

Felix, thankfully, doesn’t bring up your sudden subject change, instead nodding sheepishly in response to your question. “I guess Bin didn't mention it, thank god, but I kind of... sort of... suck ass at cooking. Really, I just shouldn't step into a kitchen, it’s that bad.”

“Okay, okay - I’m not the best, either, but I can make some amazing mashed potatoes. And, by the way - pancakes for lunch is a fantastic idea, but not for babies.” You tease the younger boy as you make your way to the refrigerator, preparing to make the three of you a semi-decent meal.

The ginger flushes at your lighthearted teasing, but doesn’t choose to retaliate. Instead, he carefully takes a babbling Eden from your arms, giving you more space to properly make their food.

“We’ll go watch some SpongeBob, or something. Thanks for cooking, Y/N!” He calls out as he saunters out of the kitchen, bouncing and cooing at the brunette tucked safely in his grasp.

You laugh to yourself, lightly shaking your head as you pull out your phone to make sure you’ve got everything to make your lunch.

————————————————————————

Six hours have passed since the three of you were plopped down in the kitchenette, seemingly squished against the back wall with a pink and white backsplash. The dining table was a hand-me-down, likely purchased from a flea market, but you supposed it only made the small apartment all the more lovable.

You and Felix got along quite well, truth be told; he was almost the polar opposite of his older cousin, in a permanent state of bright smiles and bubbly, deep laughs that reverberated throughout the walls of the Seo household. He told cheesy jokes and switched between English and Korean if he couldn’t recall a certain word - all in all, he was simply endearing.

For now, though, the hyper boy was crashing in Changbin’s bedroom. You’d told him to get some rest since he’d apparently been at the apartment since eight in the morning and it was ticking closer to six at night. He mentioned having early classes the next day, hence why you’d shooed him off into the bedroom.

Eden was currently passed out beside you on the lavender colored couch, her head nuzzled into a beaten up Munchlax plushie that she insisted on carrying with her the entire day after lunch. She called him “Gyu,” which wasn’t technically a real word from your knowledge, but it warmed your heart to know that she could still recognize the name of the doll and actually speak it aloud.

Like Felix had mentioned before, she wasn’t fully deaf, more so 75% at a loss of her hearing; she could make out some words well enough, but she would definitely need to know sign language sooner or later.

Which was why you were scrolling through a plethora of YouTube videos in the early hours of the night, eyeballing and saving the more reliable looking ones to a playlist you’d made just thirty minutes ago. They all addressed the topic of hearing loss, both partial and in full, and some had guides on how to sign things such as the alphabet or more specific words. You saved tons of videos, ranging from English sign language to Korean sign language - just in case.

Invested in your journey to saving as many useful videos as you possibly could, you don’t hear the distinct sound of keys jingling on the other side of the front door, nor do you hear said door quietly opening and closing.

“Y/N?” A familiar voice tears you out of your focused state, making you jump in surprise. “What... are you doing here?”

You tilt your head up from the bright screen of your phone, flushing slightly under Changbin’s tired yet inquisitive stare. “Felix - Felix called me earlier, said he needed help with Eden.” You breathe out quietly, almost inaudibly to the curious man in front of you.

Tired as he was, he still looked absolutely stunning. On Monday’s, he’d go to work in a car dealership instead of the mechanics shop downtown - meaning that he kind of had to dress a bit better than he usually did, in terms of professionalism.

He was clad in a somewhat scruffy black suit, fitted well to his body but a tad wrinkled from his day at work. He also sported black slacks and shiny shoes with a classic red tie; although you assumed it was one his daughter had pointed out while shopping, since it was adorned with white butterflies.

“Oh - s-so he probably told you about her, erm... problem.” Changbin stuttered out, beginning to unbutton the top of his suit, not noticing how your cheeks heated up at the innocent action.

You also stutter out a soft “yes” in reply, averting your gaze as he tosses the suit aside onto the arm of a stray chair nearby, revealing a tight-fitting white polo shirt.

“I... I would’ve called, I fucking swear, Y/N... I just didn't know what to say. I mean, how fucking bad of a dad must I appear to be, not knowing that my babygirl was suffering this entire time?” His voice cracks as he curses at himself, and for a split second he steps aside to crash into the wobbly chair; but by then you’ve shot up from your place on the plush couch, your fingers wrapped around his wrist to hold him in place.

“You are not a bad dad, Changbin; far from it, actually,” you retort quickly before he can argue back, reassuringly squeezing his wrist at the same time, “please, don’t beat yourself up over this. Eden needs you to be strong right now, more than ever. You’re her entire world, she can’t lose you because you wrongly blame yourself-”

And with that, he crumbles into your arms, breathing heavily as he finally, finally lets his walls down. The man, just barely touching twenty years of life, a single dad to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world, finally gives into his emotions.

You don’t even flinch at the feeling of a tear staining your neck, or at the feeling of the raven haired man sobbing quietly against your shoulder. Opting to release his wrist in favor of bringing him into a tight embrace, you soothingly rub on the back of his white polo shirt, uttering soft words of reassurance.

Neither of you notice, but Felix had woken up by the time Changbin had first started to rant; in fact, he’d been silently leaning against the frame of the hallway when his elder cousin, who he considered his brother, crashed into your arms and started crying.

Changbin needed someone to help him heal, and in Felix’s eyes, you were just the right person to do so.

————————————————————————

Changbin was no longer an enigma, in your eyes.

You found out a lot about Seo Changbin in the following months, more than you ever would have thought you would know, in all honesty.

Like... how the Munchlax plushie Eden practically stuck to like glue used to be his, and that he even used it during and after his high school years; he would’ve kept using it, too, if it hadn’t been for the fact that his daughter had claimed it so quickly after she’d been born.

You also learned that the raven haired man had just, always been expected to go into the medical field when he was growing up; he didn't quite resent that, he simply didn’t have the same burning passion for it as he did with producing his own music.

You loved his music, too; it was so raw and real to you, especially with the tracks he still hadn’t finished since he was so caught up with working to support himself and Eden. He had three that stood out to you, although they still weren’t titled, lest you count the numbers indicating the folders they were long since abandoned in.

The first one was about falling out of love, and you could only assume it retold the story of how he had slowly fallen out of love with the mother of his child. It wasn’t as solemn as it was angry, his words harsh yet heartfelt as he wrote out how he was so, so thankful to Eden’s mother for giving birth to her, gifting him with the most wonderful little girl in the universe. He was angry that he wasn’t “better” for her, that he couldn’t love her anymore the way she had so desperately loved him.

The second one was purely all about Eden, or as he called her, his miracle. Yes, being a single dad with little to no outside support brought a shit ton of stress into his previously relaxed, simple life, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. He’d poured his soul into the parts he did actually finish, and you were sure that Eden would beg him to finish it one day.

The third one was definitely your favorite, though you weren’t quite sure why. Changbin had made the song in his own attempt to rekindle his joy for producing, you supposed. He referred to two people simply called “CB97″ and “J.ONE” a fair amount, citing them as the sole people who helped him grow a love for rapping and making music; perhaps they could be reunited, one day.

Something else that stood out to you, not about his music, but himself, was that Seo Changbin was a sensitive person, for lack of a better term.

When Eden has finally gotten her hearing aids, he teared up. Then, they were turned on and he called out to her, only to have her respond with a bright “dada!” Then he full on sobbed, grappling onto your arm in the doctor’s office as his babygirl was given the chance to properly hear the world again.

He also cried when Felix had to go back home to Australia for a month so he could finish his freshman year of college - only for both of you to find out that he was going to move to South Korea for the rest of his college years. He and a friend had rented out the lone apartment right under Changbin’s.

Even now, you could faintly recognize a small sniffle that escaped his otherwise quiet persona. The two of you were on your weekly “date night,” as Jisung and Chenle called it, though you hastily insisted otherwise; not that... you would have minded if it were true.

“Hey, Y/N?” He murmured softly to you in the middle of the chilly night, his hands tucked safely in the warm pockets of his gray hoodie while you walked side by side through the heart of the city.

It was a Saturday night, so obviously the sidewalks and streets were infested with loud crowds and bright, flashing neon lights. You both were just heading back to his apartment after a night of drinking at a quaint but lively bar that one of his friends owned, not totally drunk, but tipsy enough to stick close to each other to the point where your fingers would occasionally brush against his.

“Mm, yeah, Binnie?”

You didn't quite catch how his cheeks flushed in the pale moonlight, or how his breath momentarily hitched in his throat at the nickname. “I - do you -”

“Spit it out, Binnie - if you don’t say whatever it is you wanna say now, you’ll forget by the time we get back to the apartment.” You hummed knowingly, having gotten drunk with the man before; needless to say, he frequently forgot what he was going to say mid-sentence, or he just got off topic for no real rhyme or reason.

“... I was w-wondering, d’you want to move in, with me and Eden?” He blurted out suddenly, albeit softly, nervously, with a hint of a drunk stammer to his voice.

Now, to put it lightly, you were the complete opposite of Changbin when you were drunk; even mildly tipsy. While he would cut himself off and put his thoughts aside, you tended to be very, very blunt and straightforward.

“Sure, why not? Dunno where I’ll sleep, though.” You shrugged honestly, content with the little diddy you were humming under your breath.

Your partner pauses in the middle of the moving crowd, attracting a few disgruntled grumbles and curses as everyone forces themselves to snake around your bodies on the paved sidewalk. Noticing he’d fully stopped, you turn back around to meet his doe-eyed gaze, confusion plastered on your face. “What? Did I say something?”

“Y-you actually-? You really want to mo-move in with us?” He exhaled in disbelief, his airy breaths forming into a thin, transparent puff of chilled air.

Feeling much more confident in your slightly tipsy state, you march towards him, right in front of him, actually; and nod surely. “Mhm. Is that why you were sniffling a second ago? Because you were worried I’d say no or something?” You ask him innocently, only to giggle when he gulps and nods in reply. “Wow, you must be pretty dense, Binnie-”

“W-what?”

“Cause’ I really fucking like you, and Eden, obviously - you’re really attentive and a great dad, which is like, reaaally attractive. Oh -! Not to mention Eden is the cutest baby in the whole wide world!” You say with full confidence, lips curled into a sweet yet bold grin, stretching your arms out into the cold air just to further your point.

Without warning, Changbin’s hands latch themselves onto your waist before he manages to maneuver your back against an out-of-order vending machine. His chest presses against yours and his breaths fan out onto your parted lips.

“Good, cause’ I really fucking like you too.” Is the last thing he says before he smashes his lips against yours, melding them together even though you were both in public, pressed against a vending machine of all things.

But - you could’ve cared less.

From then on it’s a giant blur of motions, the last part you remember ending with his knee rubbing up between your thighs with his hands tangled in your hair.

————————————————————————

You wake up with a soft gasp, eyelids snapping open to be greeted with the sight of closed blinds and Changbin - wait, was that... Eden, tucked in between your bodies?

Your sudden sounds cause the man opposite of you to wake up with a low groan, his eyes much slower and reluctant to open. But when they do, his lips part to mimic your surprised gasp from mere seconds ago.

“The fuck did we do last night?” His voice comes out quiet and gravely, involuntarily making your poor heart pound wildly in your chest.

“I - I think we crashed as soon as we got back.” You answer him, gesturing between your bodies as you silently point out that the both of you were still very much clothed and, thankfully, not completely naked in any sense of the word.

He lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck we didn’t, well, fuck. Not that... I would mind, but Felix would’ve killed me since he was stuck watching Eden last night.” Changbin corrects himself with a deep blush, looking down at the sleeping form tucked neatly beneath the giant gray blanket engulfing a majority of the bed.

You giggle at how he covered up his words, sleepily smiling at the flushed man.

There’s a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes following that instance, your eyes flickering all over his bare, somewhat bloated features. He had a hint of purple bags under his eyes, though they were much better if you were to compare them with the sagging of his eyelids from when you’d first met him almost a full year ago; met again, technically. There’s a blemish or two dotting his puffed, red cheeks, but it only added to his charm. Not to mention his adorable bedhead and morning voice.

“Did you - did you really mean what you said, last night?” Changbin eventually broke the silence, opening his eyes once more to blink and take in your calm demeanor. “Y’know, with... the whole ‘really fucking like me’ thing, and the moving in with us deal.”

It’s your turn to blush at his teasing words as he recalls your mildly drunken state from the night before, a small smirk gracing his sleepy features. “Of course I meant what I said, Binnie - to both things.” You reply honestly, shifting in his bed so you could carefully tug the comfy gray blanket under your chin and over Eden’s exposed shoulder to keep her nice and warm.

“Good - that’s, really good.” Is all he says, suddenly caught up with staring at your sweet smile and pink tinted cheeks. “God, I really want to kiss you again.” He mutters, brown eyes fixated on your lips.

“I want to kiss you too.” You hum quietly, drinking in the little sunlight that manages to peek through the mostly closed blinds, the shadows casting a warm glow onto his and Eden’s figures.

He nibbles on his bottom lip for a moment, knowing that neither of you would dare risk waking up Eden just for a quick peck or a lazy morning make-out session.

You shiver in anticipation when his fingers suddenly move to your side of the bed and clamp onto one of your hands, then you’re left to become a blushing mess as Changbin brings your cold knuckles up to his lips, pressing a warm, delicate kiss to your skin.

“I’m so glad that you’re here, love.”

“I am too, Binnie. I am too.”

end.

#seo changbin #stray kids #skz #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #stray kids texts #stray kids drabble #stray kids fic #skz imagine #skz moodboard #skz angst #skz au #skz fic #changbin scenario #changbin fic #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst

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vi-is-for-gay · 5 years

Text

My coming out story

When I figured out I wasn't exactly what I was biologically assigned

Hi everyone!

This is meant more of a stream of consciousness online journal to help me think about my life.

I am Asian, Vietnamese. I was born in Los Angeles, CA and moved to Atlanta, GA, when I was 5 or 6 years old. I consider myself growing up in the deep south with conservatives and a strong Christian Baptist society.

I am AMAB and sometime in October I came out to myself that I am transgender. I seriously debated with myself that because I was able to have romantic relationships with women and I was then having a 'cis' relationship. It felt wrong and it felt guilty.

I wasn't sure what to make of my feelings:

I was a guy

I liked girls

But I also liked dresses and envied how girls could be so soft, had their ability to have a supportive social network, warm personalities, and a feeling of belonging, mostly

About 3 years ago, I confessed to a friend who came out gay to me that I had crossdressed when I was younger and that I always wondered what my life would be like if I was born a woman. I had these thoughts all my life that it was a bunch of 'what ifs' but I came to terms with my body and what I was. I guess that's why I've always been overweight; I never liked it and I didn't really desire the male idea of perfection of a 6 packs and toned muscles.

The feeling of being out of place started young. I was just a small child when I told myself I couldn't like yellow because it was a girl's color so I chose blue because it was neutral. I don't remember how old I was or when it was, but it was young and most likely under 10. I regret that choice. Today I embrace yellow.

In elementary school, I was placed into a group with 3 girls and one of them accidentally called me 'she/her' and then corrected herself. I remember feeling disappointed that she corrected herself.

I had a phase when there was lotion provided and I ran up with some other girls to get some. This was around in 4th grade. The music teacher said boys don't get lotion and I remember violently rubbing it on my jeans to fit in and feeling strongly ashamed.

During puberty I felt something wrong was happening. I saw the girls around me start growing breasts and they would compare cup sizes. Their friendships grew stronger. My relative male relationships fell apart and I felt that I got the short end of the stick. I felt that I was always missing out by being a guy because I didn't like what they had to offer.

When I was young, roughly middle school age, I went through a /phase/ where I tried to be emo/scene. It was that they had long hair, skinny jeans, and that appealed to me because men were acceptable in that scene. During the same time I would time these crossdressing episodes when the parents would be out of the house and it was just my brother and I at home. I'd set him up at the computer playing the RPG classic 'Sacred' and I'd rummage in my mom's closet trying a bunch of stuff on: dresses, skirts, panties, panty hose, blouses, etc. I took a strong liking to panty hose but my dad found out and said I'm not supposed to wear that. That whole phase stopped soon after because I didn't want to get caught again.

During that stint I tried to grow out my hair and I got a straightening iron. Issue was that I didn't know how to take care of long hair and Asian hair is naturally straight. I didn't have access to internet so I could not rationalize my feelings and find that there was a community that existed. My mom convinced me to cut off my hair because I didn't know how to maintain it and she said boys should have short hair, so I chose to fit in and repress how I felt for the greater good.

During my high school years we got internet access and I began to get educated on the world and it's sexuality. I was constantly looking up the concept of Male to Female Transsexual, reading stories of transition, pre op and post op, and I vividly remember one of them mentioning dialiation and it accidently feeling good, like what downstairs could feel like. I took several quizzes but they all pointed to me being male brained with some female aspect. I feel that it came from repressing and the constant 'I need to fit in' mentality from my culture. It was difficult being first born Vietnamese American.

I became a much better person in university when I found people who I related to strongly. I created a social network of mostly women with some standing on the LGBTQ spectrum. I considered myself a strong ally and I supported them. I always thought of myself as the token guy in the group.

It finally clicked one day last year that I envied women because I wanted to be like one, so stage one was this definition called:

Male lesiban.

Yeah it was sort of weird.

After doing more research and talking to close friends I trusted, I realized that I was a woman inside and that I liked women. The amount of visibility for Trans-Lesibans extremely helped my process of coming out to myself and coming to terms with my now, much more confusing (but also much more warm and soft) future. Tumblr incredibly helped because I was instantly thrown into a pro LGBTQ world. I was always afraid of Tumblr and maybe it was that I was afraid of coming out to myself because I just knew.

There was so much of my life that just 'clicked' the instant I called myself a woman. All those events in my childhood made sense. Why I strongly resented strong displays of masculinity was because I didn't want that for myself.

I was attracted to long hair in women.

I was attracted to soft women in body and personality.

I was attracted to social groups and a sense of belonging.

All of a sudden it was that

I wanted long hair

I wanted to be soft in body and personality

I wanted to have a close knit social group that society generally encourages.

And all of a sudden I was immediately thrown into the LGBTQ community as a violently strong member and from supporting their fights and issues, it became my personal fight too.

I came out to that friend who came out to me first. She gave me her support and love.

I came out to my close social group. They all gave their support and love.

I came out to my girlfriend. She gave me her support and love. Importantly, she said something that makes me warm every time:

I don't really care about your flesh prison and whatever you're really doing to it. I think right now you're just redecorating. I love the operating system underneath, I love the brain that controls the flesh prison, I love the spirit that inhabits this body. I love you (y o u) you. You're still cute and I love you.

After coming out to my group, I spent roughly 200 dollars on women's clothing. I bought a gaff, panties, sports bra, actual bra, camis, leggings, jeans, khakis, socks, a cute cardigan, and breast forms both adhesive and non.

I bought makeup: foundation, loose powder, eyeliner on pencil and liquid, lip stain, lip balm, lip stick, facial cleaner and day/night moisturizer, eyebrow pencil and tweezers.

The moment I put a cami on and looked in the mirror, I felt 'right'. I had a strong bubbly warm feeling in the mirror. It was literally euphoric and the feeling I've read about before in many MTF blogs and stories.

I took the cami off like women would by holding opposite sides of the shirt and pulling it over my head. The same feeling came back

I put on breast forms and had boobs. The same feeling came back.

I went out in androgynous style with skinny jeans, tucked in t shirt, boots, and a flannel to complete a lesiban look. Same feeling.

I'm so confused, but happy. I feel like soup. I don't know what I'm made of or what's inside. I just know that right now I'm warm and happy.

But I'm struggling. Now I have to consider my future.

Do I come out to my Asian conservative parents?

Do I come out to my girlfriend's parents who think being gay is a //lifestyle// and are heavily Christian?

Do I consider HRT? Do I consider surgery?

I don't know. I don't really know.

I have some pipe dream of being able to pass as a woman in public. It went from passing online to passing at home to passing in public. I don't know.

Everything has changed so quickly and I'm afraid of what might come next.

I'm lucky that right now I'm financially supported. I'm about to graduate with an engineering degree with prospects for graduate school. I'm lucky that what I wanted to do is worth a lot of money. I don't know socially what's going to happen to me.

#mtf #pre op mtf #gay #help #i need help #trans #coming out #hrt #pre hrt #amab hrt #transition #lesibian #amab

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keepyourpantsongohan · 6 years

Text

Ayesha Liveblogs Free! S1-S2

Good lord there are really only five English VAs huh

I appreciate the level of existential dread it takes to sit in a bathtub in a bathing suit

Apron designers I have some questions!!! Firstly: Whomst?

“Anything has magical properties if you believe hard enough” I love Nagisa

“What can I say, I’m a romantic” so what I’m gathering is that Haru and Rin were small and in love with each other

Update from one minute later: Angry with each other now, I guess?

That’s right Haru you wear that swimsuit all day!!! But wash it bc that’s not a breathable fabric trust me you’re asking for trouble

“You only live once so do what you want” Dghdfjghjkhkjdf I can’t believe that Amakata’s contribution to this disciplinary lecture amounts to “yolo”

Makoto really knows how to get Haru to do things he doesn’t want to do all he’s gotta do is whisper “pool” and there he is

“What is wrong with you” I hope that Haru continues to strip to reveal his swimsuit no matter where they are throughout this anime. The doctor’s office. A dog park. The mall. Pls let this be a trope

What the shit is this Arabian nights outro this is a Japanese high school swim anime lmao

There’s a joke to be made about the visual metaphor of Haru needing to quench his thirst in the ending but I’ll refrain

How do their teachers keep finding out about their trespassing who is telling on these boys

What is Ms. Amakata’s previous job what kind of swim job could possibly be inappropriate to talk about at school

Omg Kou is so thirsty for swim boys and while I can’t really relate I appreciate her enthusiasm

HARU’S STRIPPING AT THE FISH STORE THEY REALLY COMMITTED TO THE “I’LL SWIM ANYWHERE” TROPE I LOVE IT

“I promised myself that I’d never wear a swimsuit again” omg she was a swimsuit model

So Haru quit swimming because Rin is a sore loser? Suspect and lame

“No, come back, you’ll die!” Makoto is truly the highlight of this show and the friend Haru needs

Haru pls I’m weeping

Amakata: They might approve your request [if you win a swimming competition]

Haru, already taking off his clothes: LET’S GET TO WORK

“He’s just like us! He’s a guy, but he’s got a girly name!” What kind of dumbass logic for deciding who joins your swim team Nagisa lmao

“You talk about Haru a lot” Hahaha it’s bad form to bring up other people you admire when you’re flirting Nagisa, Rei is Offended™

Ffdhkdshfkhfkj he hasn’t gotten in the water yet but I’m pretty sure Rei can’t fucking swim

“That would’ve meant admitting defeat, and I’m not adept at that” okay I love Rei too this ensemble cast is so funny

Rei’s so cute omg his small and betrayed “but why” when he can’t float

Is it truly an anime without a rivalry-friendship with blatant homoerotic overtones

Oh wow that’s a weird thing for Rin’s sister to have to watch lmao

“Let the water guide you” “Could you try to be less abstract about this” I’m giggling at Haru just throwing out platitudes and hoping one sticks

“I’ll have you know that I have the constitution of a samurai” Rei you are by far the best part of this show so far

Wait a hot minute what in the hell happened in the ocean why do you have to say it like that Haru

Really if any Haru’s relationships are going to err on the side of romantic it should probably be with Makoto because they’re like actually friends and support each other lmao

I don’t know what’s wilder about this scene Makoto using his trauma to convince Haru to swim relay or the Gaze™ that follows

“You’d be the newlywed couple that gets killed in the first five minutes” HMMMM newlywed couple huh

This episode is soooo cute I love the boys bonding together in starlight

Wow was Rin’s problem with Haru just latent daddy issues all along I completely misread this situation

WAIT WAS RIN’S DAD ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO DIED ON THE FISHERMAN’S BOAT

“It’s hard to explain, that’s just the way they are” “What’s that supposed to mean” people are gay, Rei

Why do the people on this show have such weird interpersonal relationships do you really need to hold Rin’s ankles for this conversation, Aiichiro

Regardless of her thirst Kou is really the best manager they could ask for

“I will relish destroying you” okay calm down Swimsuit Sasuke

“This victory means I never have to swim with you again. Ever” were you not the one constantly harassing Haru for competitions???? What’s your problem Rin!!!

Haru looking at Mako like swimming has meaning again I don’t care if this is friendship or romance THAT’S LOVE BITCH

“It’s not that easy in real life huh” a weirdly realistic turn of events

Honestly Haru what a mood I never want anyone to contact me either

God could Mako and Haru’s relationship stop being the cutest in the world? This sleeping in the hallway for Haru to come home will not stand! Thanks

“Why is an amateur like that swimming with them?” BECAUSE THEY’RE NICE AND LIKE EACH OTHER, RIN

THEY WON!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM

“That’s what you’re supposed to say if you arrive early for a date” IWATOBI SWIM TEAM DOUBLE DATE CONFIRMED (as if the outfits were not confirmation enough)

Gfgkfugkfg Rei is so put out Nagisa will not acknowledge his “exsquidsite” pun

This Rin/Haru/Mako dynamic could not be more like Ex-Boyfriend vs. New Boyfriend I’m wheezing

“Hah, I’m a ninja” REI YOU’RE SO STUPID I LOVE YOU

“I hope he’s okay” Aiichiro is a better pal that Rin deserves this is such a one-sided friendship lmao

AW REI FEELS LEFT OUT OF THE MEMORIES POOR GUY

Is Rei gonna go pick a fight with Rin because I’d kind of be up for that

“I wanted to know what your feelings are towards Haru” Dad Mode Activated you will not hurt Rei’s buddies

“Don’t get in the way. If you do, I will never forgive you,” damn Rei!!! You’re not even his friend but those words packed a wallop

I like that each of these swim team boys has a friend whom they are closest to it’s nice and balanced

“Every single member of this team is irreplacable” LOVE AND SUPPORT!

I can’t tell if Rin invited Rei out to this ominous night meeting as overture of friendship or as a threat

Aiichiro get a new friend!!! You don’t deserve to be treated this way

AHHHHHHHHHHH REI YOU’RE SO GOOD “I feel the exact same way” you empathetic sweetheart <3

WOW I do NOT approve of this Rin treats everyone like garbage for twelve straight episodes and then they reward this garbage behaviour by giving up Rei’s spot on the team just so Rin can enjoy swimming again??? Boooooo he doesn’t even go to your school

These fuckin flower petals FIND YOURSELF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP HARU

“Come on Matsuoka!” AGAIN, way better friend than Rin deserves

LET REI IN THE GROUP HUG HE’S THE BEST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Well I’m thoroughly confused” ME TOO AMAKATA!!!! HOW DID THIS SOLVE ANYTHING

Ten seconds into this second series and Mako continues to prove he’s The Best by cuddling cats to keep them warm

“You look good” “Stop patronizing me, damn it!” Rei and Nagisa’s relationship is also really a highlight of this show

“Rin’s far from the obvious choice for Mikoshiba’s replacement” that’s valid Rei, Rin has had a lot of trouble with the concept of being a team player thus far in his Samezuka career

“Just when you thought it was safe to cosplay” it is never safe to cosplay. Just ask all those Sasukes who got arrested

LMAO AT THIS DUMBASS STRIP SHOW IN FRONT OF THEIR SCHOOL

“My triceps are guaranteed to drive you out of your mind” I’M SCREAMIN THESE YOUTHS ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO SOCIETY

“You really gotta stop calling me sir, just drop it okay” “Yes s-eugokay” Beautiful voice acting. Iconic

Oh god please don’t give Haru another rival one was really enough

I never thought I’d say this but that was the most wholesome kidnapping in the world

Rin saying “Life after graduation” in the same tone as one might say “Life after death” is honestly a mood

Sosuke’s only had about five seconds of screen time but I’m gonna guess he’s Rin’s Australian ex-boyfriend

Update: Just his homie from elementary school I guess that’s fair

“So this is what a nationally-ranked swimmer’s build looks like” Aiichiro pls could you check Sosuke out with a little more subtlety

“He’s the type of rival you can become obsessed with” AHHHHH Rin has been #calledout I think I like Sosuke

Okay you’re allowed to just be friends I’m just saying that runs on the beach in the moonlight are not always the most platonic activity, Haru and Makoto

Omg Mako’s siblings love Rei I love it!!!!!

FDdkfhkdjhf I was certain Mikoshiba’s little brother would also have the hots for Kou but it’s still funny

You go Kou judging the muscle contest live your dream

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay out of Rin’s way” Wow Sosuke that was a HARD 180 chill tf out

Omf I can’t believe it took me this long to realize that Aiichiro and Rin were roommates and it wasn’t just Aiichiro showing up in Rin’s room every night like “hey”

“Preferably ones with wonderful muscles and tight washboard abs!” “Yeah!!” Iwatobi Swim Club pls

Does this mean that the Makoto and Haru go on midnight runs bc Haru is slow as all hell on land lmao

YEAH REI’S TRACK EXPERTISE BECOMING RELEVANT AYYYYY

Omg Nagisa nudging Rei’s shoulder is fucking adorable ahhhhhh

Rei’s plans: Being sad about your personal inadequacies (what a mood)

“Do you really think I’d be dumb enough to fall prey to something so preposterously illogical as love” CALLING IT RIGHT NOW REI’S GONNA FALL IN LOVE

Lmao @ Momo checking out Rin’s cleavage this is truly the weird “all siblings have the same taste in crushes” universe

“I THINK HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN REI’S BOYFRIEND” Okay 1) This is stupid but the part of me that actually wants these shows to have a diverse spectrum of sexuality is lured in thanks I hate it, and 2) How dare you Rei’s boyfriend is Nagisa

[Makoto voice] This is a swimtervention

AHHHHHHH EVERYBODY LOVES REI (AS THEY SHOULD)

I bet Rei’s going to train in his time off because he wants to catch to the boys <3

Update: He’s getting Rin to teach him finally some helpful friendship times from Rin!!!! Good job

“Which do you think I’d look more swole in” omg who wrote this dialogue

Pls Sosuke don’t use this childhood joke debt as an excuse to be like “Don’t hang out with your old homies anymore”

“I need to sit on it for a little longer, that’s all”

Sosuke, internally, probably: Kiss me

“I want you to think of me as part of your team” FINALLY SOME OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS

Woo woo positive character development for Rin prioritizing friendship over competition this is such a nice turn

Uh oh why is Nagisa lying about his motives for camping has he been kicked out of his house for stripping in public

I grow more and more concerned for Nagisa with every scene

“We said no and we meant it” I can’t believe that Makoto and Haru are Nagisa’s new parents wow

Well we know who the good cop parent is, Makoto had a conversation with Nagisa and exactly one (1) second later was convinced they had to rescue him

Update from 30 seconds later: I spoke too soon he got Haru too “I’ve decided to let him stay with me” THESE NERDS

But why do you have to unbutton your shirt a little in order to negotiate Rei

“Studying became like some kind of torture” that’s depression honey

This soft glowing light while Rei tells Nagisa to follow his dreams is so sweet but also jdhkjfhkdjh what if his parents are just mean

These boys are the definition of ride or die they’re in this empty ass pool area still trying to hide their friend behind their backs what absolute best boys are these

“Haru” “I’m sneaky” CUTE!!!! Also good call on not calling mum but on calling Trusted Adult instead

“You can’t quit. I won’t let you” AHHHH THAT’S LOVE!!! REI <3

The matching swimsuit pose god every moment of this show kills me

“We’re a team! If we can’t do it together what’s the point?” WOW I CAN’T BELIEVE MAKOTO AND HARU HAVE BEEN A TEAM LITERALLY SINCE THEY WERE BABIES! PICK UP THE PHONE AND SMELL THE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

“Here, dolphin’s yours” Oh!!! Makoto has also been selfless since birth he just wants Haru to be happy but Haru just wants him to be happy too 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I also like this Matsuoka siblings bonding this is what I wanted from the beginning tbh

Aiichiro you superstitious little nerd

“I want to know what it feels like to kick your ass” what a hard swerve Makoto pls

“Congratulations, between the two of us you’re still the best in the water, how awesome is that?” “Hah, you’re so weird” I’ve never seen someone so excited to lose Makoto is truly the best boy I love this relationship

Aw is Makoto jealous of Haru’s relationship with Rin? I 100% buy it but baby!!! You are so good there’s no need to worry

I’m so proud of the Iwatobi boys for qualifying for regionals and also I bet this means that the Samezuka boys will win relay

Update from an ep later: I was correct

“Don’t limit yourself kid” are you not... the same age as him Sosuke???

Working theory is that Makoto wants Haru to care about being scouted so they can go to the same school together and swim there

“I wonder what Haru wants to do after graduation” be a mermaid

Sosuke really needs to get in touch with his emotions good grief

“But I am sure about one thing, I love it and I don’t want to stop” in all seriousness do people intentionally write these relationships as romantically-charged or is that just something that happens? Like this 100% reads as an allegory for discovering your sexuality

Ahhhh Makoto helping the babies I know I’ve said this a million times in the past few episodes but he’s the best boy

“I haven’t thought about [Kisumi] in who knows how long” Wow does everyone in this show have an ex-boyfriend who suddenly pops up to stir up drama bc it sure seems like it

There’s probably some symbolism in Haru handing off of a boxed lunch

“But isn’t it... scary?” “Only til it’s not” Oh my goooood I love this swim teaching arc I love Makoto I just!!! HE’S THE BEST

Ahhhh Haru bringing Makoto’s siblings to see him at work this is disgustingly domestic and I love it

“If he’s competing at the regional level I’m guessing that means they fixed [Sosuke’s shoulder]!” Wow Kisumi was truly just here to inspire some drama omg

Ffgkdfjjkhg this elevator stand-off it’s the Battle of Rin’s Overly Intimate Swim Partners

Oh no Haru is having an anxiety attack yikes but I get it

HARU NO AHHH THIS SUCKS COMPETITIVE SPORTS ARE SO UPSETTING

Man this was a real traumatizing episode what the fuck Free! You lulled me into a false sense of security how dare you

“We don’t do things for each other. That’s just how we are” Ddfksdjhfkjhfd even Baby Sosuke had a lot of true processing how a friendship should work wow

“I trust him implicitly, he’ll be here” idk homies Haru’s sort of in the middle of an Anxiety Episode those don’t usually go well

“I realize it’s over for me. But before I go, I want swim the best damn relay I can. With you. Today.” Wow Sosuke finally connects with his emotions and proves himself as Good Boyfriend Material in one swing

Is it really a swim meet if Rin doesn’t have a dramatic outdoor confession of feelings with a former rival

Samezuka you’re adorable but also a health hazard where’s your adult

MY BOYS MADE IT TO NATIONALS I’M GONNA CRY

“Look at Sosuke, being a big cheese ball” CHARACTER GROWTH

“I think I finally found what I was looking for” “Took you long enough” okay this seriously reads like an allegory for coming to terms with your sexuality Sosuke I have so many thoughts

Amakata is such a good teacher she won’t let Haru be slandered

I’m glad the boys are getting some acknowledgement but poor Haru

“You never hear someone talk about their last summer” TITLE REFERENCE

Wooooooow Sosuke’s really here to tell Haru to keep going just for Rin’s sake this is almost the opposite of their first confrontation but it’s still about how much Sosuke cares about Rin what kind of single-minded boyfriend antics

“Why the hell are you so hung up on Rin” LOVE, HARU, LOVE!!

Haru methinks Makoto was about to make an important declaration quit evading your friend/future (she said, hypocritically)

[Makoto voice] Swimtervention: The Sequel

YES MAKOTO GO HELP HARU YOU KNOW HIM BEST

“Why don’t you understand that we love you” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAKOTO #1 BOY MOST IN TOUCH WITH HIS EMOTIONS BEST FRIEND GOOD BOYFRIEND MATERIAL BUT ALSO JUST A WONDERFUL BOY WHO WANTS HARU HAPPY

Okay okay I’m not trying to project romance onto this narrative (that’s a lie I’ve been sold on romance for a while) but like.... fireworks!!! Fireworks going off in the background while they stand in front of each other in silhouette PICK UP THE PHONE ANIMATORS

“You and Makoto had a falling out, huh?” Omg not only does Rin pinpoint Haru’s problem right away he’s also making a direct parallel to him and Sosuke’s relationship my kinda amicable exes

“It was our first fight” I’M WHEEZING THIS IS LIKE THAT EPISODE OF FRIENDS WHERE CHANDLER EXPERIENCES FIGHTING IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE’S LIKE ‘GUESS WE’RE BROKEN UP’ AND MONICA’S LIKE ‘???? NO?’

Am I supposed to read little Rin telling his host family that Haru had eyes that look like the ocean in a platonic way because.... buddy

God I love Rin’s Australian family they’re so sweet and understanding

Ddfalsfjdskljf EXPLAIN THIS!!!

Russell: So mate, got a girlfriend back home?

Rin: Eummm, long story, or not actually [awkward laughter]

BED SHARING TROPES OH MY GOD!! THEY ARE LEANING INTO THIS PSEUDO-ROMCOM ANGLE EXCEPT THEY’VE BOTH GOT OTHER DUDES IN THEIR LIVES LMAO WHAT WOULD MAKOTO AND SOSUKE THINK

Rin and Haru don’t even wear the same style of swimsuit so lol @ Rin bringing a different suit across the world specifically to make Haru swim in it

OMG HARU JUST DISCOVERED HIS DREAM I LOVE IT

Aw are Haru and Makoto going to end up separated bc of their different dreams because I’m gonna be very upset

I’m so touched by Makoto’s dream of helping children even if Makoto can’t fully be in the next season because it’s a Haru-centric show I still love him so much 4ever

Hahaha at them recapping the whole show I guess they didn’t know that there would be a third season

“C’mon you two, no more tears” what sweet sobbing boys you’re pulling at my heartstrings

“We’ll always be a team” HECK YEAH YOU WILL

Yay for Rei getting his own swim hallucination!!!! That’s my boy

Maybe the real swimtervention was inside Haru’s heart all along 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THEY WON AND HARU’S CRYING HE’S FINALLY LEARNING TO EXPRESS FEELINGS 1000/10 WOULD RECOMMEND

I knew Nitori would be captain but I’m still so happy for him!!! Baby!!!

“When you decide not to be done, I’ll be waiting” Rin has seen the most character growth of anyone on this show good for him!!

“Why you gotta say my name like that, it sounds weird” I keep telling you that is the sound of love, Harukaaaa <3

I LOVE EVERY PART OF THIS MONTAGE THE FLOWER PETALS THE “I’M IN COLLEGE NOW” GLASSES ON MAKOTO THE DREAMS COMING TRUE

WAIT ARE HARU AND MAKOTO GOING TO COLLEGE TOGETHER I LOVE IT

I SAID IT BEFORE BUT YOU WIN THIS TIME, SPORTS ANIME. YOU GOT ME. YOU GOT ME REAL GOOD.

#ayesha liveblogs free #liveblogging #long post #ayesha talks anime

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