#but you're welcome to send them and i'll at the very least save them for when i do have the time/inspo to write them!

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Musician Age Gap AU Pt 4

Dropping Esme off at home turns into more than just a simple kiss and ride. She parks and walks Esme to the front door. The tears had petered out halfway home, but it had left Esme shaky and exhausted. And when Alex opens the door to welcome them home, she can barely get out a "how was it?" before Esme bursts into fresh tears and darts up the stairs to her bedroom.

Alex watches her daughter go, then turns back to Kara with an accusatory look. Kara sighs. "It's a long story."

"I'll put the kettle on."

Over tea, Kara gives her sister the rundown of the evening-- omitting certain bits of her own exhanges with Lena. By the end, Alex is stunned, but heartbroken for her daughter.

"The highest of highs, and lowest of lows," Alex moans. "I was already going to call her out of school tomorrow, but now I really need to."

Kara nods. "I hope she'll remember the night more for what actually happened than the fact she lost the pictures of it. She really did have a good time, til she realized."

"What a night," Alex sighs. "Well, thank you for stepping in. I know she appreciated the time with you, in any case."

"Yeah," Kara nods. "Me too."

"You should come over more. She's not the only one who misses you."

"Alex..."

"You're not the only busy, I get that, but it sucks being the only one to reach out."

Kara closes her eyes. They've had variations of this conversation before, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. It's been busy lately, the last few years. And she knows she's missing out on key times with Esme, but... she's never been very good at juggling.

"I know." Then, "I should go. I'll call the venue in the morning, see if maybe one of the cleaning crew finds the phone and turns it in to lost and found or something."

All Alex can do is nod. "Thanks."

All thoughts of the ticket in her pocket disappears until the next day. Her calls to the arena have been fruitless-- no one had found anything, and no amount of cajoling or bribery could make them devote manpower to look for it. So when she's emptying her pockets to run a load of laundry, she's so frustrated she's willing to chuck it into the sun.

Until she sees a loop of a swoopy letter written on it, half hidden by a folded crease. Puzzled, Kara smooths it out and flips it over-- and finds a phone number written across its face in silver sharpie.

Stunned, Kara stares at the offending digits.

"What the fuck?"

---

It's probably her manager, Kara reasons. Or her assistant, at the very least. But when she punches the number into her phone, driven by the echo of her promise to Esme in her ears, she instantly recognizes the voice that answers.

"Hello?"

Kara's mouth goes dry. "Uhhhhhh.... hi? Shit. I mean--"

"I'm glad you called," Lena interrupts smoothly. "I have a phone here that's sorely missing its owner."

"Oh thank god," Kara releases with a heavy sigh. "Thank you."

"Sorry we weren't able to catch you before you left. I didn't see it until late."

"Esme was heartbroken," Kara tells her, unnecessarily. "You've saved a life."

"Her life? Or yours?" There's a tease in Lena's voice.

Kara grins. "Both. Definitely both."

A chuckle rumbles across the line. "Well, how can we get this to you?"

"Oh, if you could ship it..."

"No need," Lena says simply. "We're in town for another day or so. Is there a place we can deliver it?"

Kara blinks, surprised. "Um, sure. I'll be at my office in an hour."

"Perfect."

Kara rattles off the address to her, then books it to the office, determined not to miss the delivery. She stays on edge for the first hour, but soon finds herself distracted by her work-- until her assistant knocks tentatively on her door before poking her head in.

One look at Eve's baffled and somewhat dazed expression sends a bolt of electricity down Kara's spine.

"Miss Danvers? Um... there's someone here to see you. She-- she says its a personal delivery?"

Kara is already on her feet. "I'll take care of it. Thank you, Eve."

"It's--"

"I know," Kara assures her.

"You... know her?"

Kara sighs. "It's complicated."

She makes her way to the lobby, finding Lena Luthor leaning casually against the front desk, completely unbothered by the gazes peeking at her from between frosted sections of the glass walls.

"If you'd have told me you planned to bring it yourself, I would've given you a different address," Kara says drolly. Lena looks up at her with a puckish grin. "You're about to give the entire office an aneurysm."

"Sorry, not sorry." Entirely unapologetic, Lena straightens, pushing softly away from the desk to face Kara directly.

Kara folds her arms across her chest, unable to help the smile spreading across her own features. Lena lifts an eyebrow, retrieving Esme's phone from her back pocket to waggle it teasingly.

"Thank you...." Kara reaches for it, only for Lena to tilt it out of reach. Kara rolls her eyes. "What?"

"I'm... gonna be honest," Lena drags out, smirking. "I didn't come here with truly altruistic purposes."

Kara resettles her weight, cocking one hip. "This is becoming a pattern with you, Miss Luthor."

"I'm only human, you know." She taps Esme's phone on her chin. "And I'm not above taking a teenager's phone hostage, if it gets me a coffee with a gorgeous woman."

Bold. Entirely *too* bold. But Kara can't quite bring herself to mind.

"You have me at a disadvantage," she returns. "I really need that phone."

"Then a coffee with a charming lady seems to be in your very near future."

Kara rolls her eyes. "Let me grab my purse."

Lena waits patiently, and Kara doesn't bother pausing to explain a damn thing to anyone. It's none of their business, and right now she's a woman on a mission.

To get her goddaughter's phone.

And absolutely nothing else.

[slvt4em1lyprenti2s]

There’s only one bed

Summary: you and Nat go in a mission and there’s only one bed

Word Count: 1.7k

fluff

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

!NOT PROOFREAD!

Natasha's POV:

Fury Just called me into his office to have a mission debriefing. Normally we'd have the brief with all the Avengers but, this is an undercover mission and let's just say majority of the team aren't very good at that. They blow their cover all the time and can't persuade people to save their lives. Ironic because that's exactly what it does on missions, save their life.

I've been told I'm going with someone but a name hasn't been given yet. I hope it's not an Agent from the academy. They're all newbies so I'll have to hold their hand the whole mission because they're clueless. As I'm walking I bump into Wanda.

"Oh hey, good luck on your mission!" she cheerfully said.

"Thanks also, do you know who I'm going with? I mean like any details about them?"

"All I know is apparently she's very popular among her fellow students, and by that I mean, she's hot."

"Students?! Great, so she's from the academy?"

"Yeah but, Fury wouldn't send her with you if she couldn't handle it."

"I guess your right but they can be really annoying needing to be walked through every single step of the mission."

"I guess you're right but, rumour has it, she's the best of the best. Your level even."

"Ha, I've heard that one a hundred times before, no one's better than me c'mon Wands you know that."

"Haha, yeaah I know Nat but just give her a chance?"

"Fine, I will but, I got to get to Fury now, I'll see you around."

"Bye, good luck!"

We parted ways and I gave her a smile. I walked into Fury's office and was welcomed by the sight of a beautiful woman with wavy y/h/c and shining y/e/c eyes. I going to be honest Wanda wasn't lying, she's perfect. Oh my god, I can't be thinking about these things she's my mission partner! She was already sat down in a chair opposite Fury when I came in so I took the chair beside her.

Fury started talking first, "Thank you for both making the time to be here, as you know this is an undercover mission so, pack a bag that'll last at least 2 day and 2 nights. We can never predict what'll happen at these kind of events."

"Speaking of, what event is it and why exactly are we going?" I questioned

"Well I'm glad you asked. It's part organised by Darren McHugh, not a big name in any industry but filthy rich. Attending the party is Lauren Emerson, your target. All you need is information from her about a weapon Hydra is developing. Her father has every Hydra scientist and engineer in his pocket so, she'll know a lot. Now, she's interested in women which is why there is no men on this case with you. I need you y/n to seduce her and get intel while Natasha watches your 6 and looks for another possible target who, isn't confirmed to be there, but there's a good chance he will be.” Fury explained.

"What's the other guys name?" the other girl asked Fury responded, "James Scott."

"Is that all?" I ask

"Yes that's all. Here's your personal copies of the file and be ready at the quinjet in 30 minutes."

With that we both left but I couldn't help feel a pang of disappointment shoot through me at the thought of her flirting with other people. Damn I really need to snap out of this.

I got up to my room and pack my things. I also put in my red dress and black heels for the party and go to the quinjet. As I'm walking I see her already standing there. She catches me staring as I walk towards her and she extends her hand.

Reader POV:

I look over and see Agent Romanoff coming towards me, eyes trained directly at me. I offer my hand for her to shake and she does. "Agent y/l/n, y/n y/l/n."

“Natasha Romanoff.” She responds

With that we both boarded the ship, settled down and engaged in conversation. It was a long flight and we were going to have to spend the next 24-48 hours together so, may as well get to know each other. This conversation however turned into shamelessly flirting with each other constantly.

Time skip to when the ship lands and they get to the hotel (still reader pov):

We get the the hotel and Natasha asks for our reservation at the front desk. While she's doing that I take a minute to really take in this place because it's massive. There's a chandelier on the ceiling and art all over the walls. The architecture is beautiful and it has gold accents along every wall. It also smelt like vanilla, don't know why that's relevant but it smells nice.

I hear a 'thank you' and 'enjoy your stay' so I assume that Nat has got the key so I begin walking to the lift (elevator). I step in and so does Natasha just a bit behind me. She presses the button to the 5th floor and we stand in a comfortable silence for the short 10 second ride. The doors open with a ding and we step out and go look for our room. Natasha takes the lead and goes straight to our door and opens it with the key card.

"Wow Shield really outdid themselves with this one ay?" I think aloud

"Yeah, they really did." She agreed

As we were walking around the both of us were quick to realise something.

"There's only one bed." Natasha pointed out

"I was just thinking the same thing. I'll take the sofa I don't mind at all." I say trying to come up with a solution.

"No, it's okay I can." Natasha instantly tries to shut me down

"Honestly I'll sleep there it's fine." I repeat

"Look uhm, you don't have to but to save ourselves a very polite argument do you wanna just share it. I mean it's a double so..?" She nervously asked

"Yeah sure I mean, if your up for it?" I half mumble

"I'm the one who suggested it dummy of course i'm up for it."

I chuckle at her response and put down my bags by the bed. If I was being honest with myself I couldn't help the butterflies that formed when thinking about sharing a bed with her. Goddamnit, she's my superior I can't be thinking like this.

Natasha POV:

I brush my teeth and get changed in the bathroom whilst y/n orders room service. When I walk out she was getting changed so she only had a bra and pyjama trousers on.

"Oh.., oh! I'm so sorry!"

No sorry it's my fault I should've told you I was changing."

"It's fine, I mean we're both girls right? Nothing we haven't seen before."

"Yeah, yeah you're right, both girls."

"Never seen a girl with abs like that though."

The blush spread on her face faster than a forrest fire. She was flustered and I took great pride in knowing I did that. I made my way to the kitchen so I'd be ready for room service when it came.

Three knocks at the door alerted me that the food was here. I thanked the staff and put the food on the counter.

"Hey y/n tea's here!" I yelled to her. (It depends where your from but tea is just how we say evening meal, like dinner)

"Thank god, i'm starving." She gave me bright smile before plating everything up.

We sit on the sofa with our food and watch whatever trashy TV shows are on. We laugh at parts of it and it gives me butterflies, her laugh has quickly become my favourite sound. It's just so beautiful and care free, it also means she's happy which makes me happy. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I hear her softly say.

"Hey you okay? Lost you for a second there."

“Yeah, oh um, yeah I'm fine just thinking."

“About what? You were very focused."

"Nothing don't worry about it. Anyway, it's late we should go to bed."

"Your right I'll take the plates into the kitchen."

While she was doing that I went to the bedroom and set up the bed. I was laying down when she came in, she tentatively lowered herself o to the bed and layer down facing me.

"You sure it was nothing?"

"It wasn't really nothing and I'm about to talk a lot and I don't want you to talk till I'm done okay?" I respond with a hesitancy in my tone.

"Go for it." she says.

"I like you, like really like you. I know it's wrong because I'm your superior and your not even out the academy yet but I'm 25 and your what like, 20, 21 give or take so it's not like it's weird. Also can you blame me? You're perfect. Everything about you is perfect. Even though we only just met I can't help falling for you y/n. I'm sorry if I've just ruined the friendship we built today but I really needed to get that off my chest."

I look her deep in the eyes for any kind of reaction to what I just said. After a couple seconds of processing she smiled at me. Probably the biggest smile i've ever seen her have. She still hasn't said anything so I speak up. "Well?"

She doesn't answer me, instead she gently grabs my face and kisses me softly. Our lips dance against one another as second nature. Once air becomes a problem we release from each other's grasp.

"I like you too, if that wasn't already clear."

She giggled like a school girl when I grabbed her waist and started peppering kisses all over her face. She stopped and snuggled closer to me and buried her head in my chest.

"This woman is the one for me" I thought to myself as I held her safe in my arms. Although I really wasn't looking forward to this mission now.

[crazyk-imagine]

Being Luffy's Stray (Version B)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- No one knew you were there, not until they had to fight Klahadore, which was annoying to no end

- You never liked him or his crew which is why you watched as the Straw hats fought, tail flicking when you heard the sounds of the house becoming more and more damaged

- You couldn't interfere though, if others found out, namely the demon pirate hunter himself, you might be done for

- Luffy happily pet you when you finally appeared

"You were worried about a cat?" Nami asks.

"Not really," he scratches your chin. "I know she can handle herself."

"You're weird, you know that," Usopp tells him.

The rubber man shrugs.

- After that, you were hoping nothing else would happen, you'd like to be able to enjoy a day without fighting anyone

- Oh, how life is a bitch and throws a curveball your way

- You woke up and found yourself in fog, but decide to go back to your nap before you clawed someone

- The next thing you know, you're in a restaurant

"Welcome to the shitty restaurant where the only thing worse than the ambiance is the food. My name is Sanji, what can I get you?"

You meow at him without realizing it, if you were in your human form, you'd be blushing

"I'm sorry but we cannot allow pets in here but since the old man is busy, I'll let it slide," he smirks at the rubber man.

You purr as a thank you.

- And, then the captain makes the biggest mistake ever and tries to do an iou instead of paying which earns him a non-paying job as a dish washer

"Shouldn't you leave her on the boat? I don't think the kitchen is a very safe or sanitary environment for a cat," Nami tells him.

Luffy shrugs. "Not much they can do after hours, right?"

"Luffy."

"Fine."

- You snuck out to check on him, watching as they helped a drifting pirate

- Luffy smiles when he notices you hanging in the shadows

- Your paws running across the floor alert the chef

"You found us."

You pause, wondering if he knows who you are but realize he's talking as if you're the rubber man's pet

He bends down, one knee on the ground with one arm resting on his bent knee as he holds out a piece of meat for you, letting you take your time coming to him

You sniff, making sure he's not trying to kill you

- Thus, the start of an interesting relationship between you two

- The real kicker was when everyone found out the secret only Luffy knew about, and it was only because Arlong and his crew showed up

- After kicking the chef into a table, scaring the bejesus out of Usopp, and pushing Luffy into a wall

- Let's just say, they had it coming

- You run from kitchen door, using the toppled table as leverage, shifting midair to kick Arlong in his abdomen

"Don't mess with my friends."

"There she is the dead cat back again." He smirks, "and here I thought I'd killed you."

"Well, you know a cats got nine lives and I'd never give one to you."

- Luffy sends you away

- You take care of the other two, literally kicking them out (or at least, close to the door)

- You run over to Usopp and Sanji

"So, you're the cat?"

You stare you. "Does it look like it's the right opportunity to ask that?"

He chuckles, groaning soon after.

You roll your eyes and haul them up off the stairs by the collar of their shirts.

Usopp whines the whole way

- The real interesting thing was when you all found yourself fighting Arlong's pirates

- You didn't plan on shifting into something bigger, but it was necessary

- Usopp ran to the side when he saw you, a large maroon jaguar running towards him (but not aiming for him)

- Zoro jumps beside you, using his katana to take out the fishman trying to grab your hind leg. "Glad to see you decided to join."

"Shouldn’t you be on bed rest?"

"Someone’s gotta watch Luffy's back."

- You launch yourself across the way, clawing a fishman trying to punch the chef only for him to save himself

He turns around, smirking down at you, "I don't want such a gorgeous feline like yourself to ruin your claws."

"Don't flatter yourself, I'd never break a claw on any one of these guys."

- The building collapses and you change back into your human form, just in time for Nami to hug you (and you give Sanji a hug, so he got one too)

- You're just happy it's all over even though there was a slight mishap regarding Luffy’s grandpa

- After you all said your dreams, that's when the real adventure began

[compressednerve]

🖌, 📺, and 🍂 for the ask game?

HELLO! Richard 🐔 welcome to the askbox thunderdome 🌩️⚡. Thank you for sending me this ask I have appreciated it greatly to be asked these emoji questions :~)

🖌 - Do you have/want any tattoos? Yes, I have two tattoos. One is of a wasp on my shoulder/back that I got when I was 17 (regret, mostly, want to get this covered up ASAP), and my other one is a Sunrise/Sunset over the ocean with a palm tree in the foreground that I got when I was 19, on my right bicep. I won't post a picture but here's a drawing of them. The wasp was because I wanted a tattoo so bad so bad so bad so my mom hooked me up with a tattooist who happened to live down the street from us... I don't like it because it's just, very small, on the large expanse of my back, right next to some cigarette burn scars??? it just feels. out of place... The sunset was because @parasitefun and I had made life plans to live together within like, two months of us talking, and the original plan was for Florida. Because we met thru the Hotline Miami fandom, and also there was this band I was obsessed with that originated in Tampa and this article I read about them made it seem so romantically warm and humid and hazy... gosh. So the same tattooist who did my wasp also did my sunrise. It's not nearly this vibrant IRL because she was doing my work directly on my skin, and at the time I was only working in watercolor?! so it actually looks faded as fuck 😭 but other than maybe touching it up, I want to retain the meaning and build around it. my favoritest part has to be the lines in between, they're really broken up like that so the skin shows through!!!

as for if I want any more tattoos, yes, of course I do! I want more tattoos every day, but I've gotten more picky in the past few years... I can't really decide on any one design, and Parasite has been the sole earner for our entire relationship >_< so there's not usually any fun money set aside for things like body mods, unfortunately. Here's a design I've wanted since 2016- it's the cover art for Oneohtrix Point Never's "Garden of Delete" which is one of the only things that saved me that year ;_;

This morning I read an article about how heatwaves affect Train Tracks, which for some reason I can't find the article now but I'll try to find it later, but anyways heat causes train tracks to "buckle" which is just ludicrous to me, I had no idea, very terrifying. Railways are beasts... so beautiful... so feral... augh.

^aspd mantra.

so anyways, then I fell into a 3hour nap and woke up to the sound of Parasite cooking dinner/lunch (pork chops n rice a roni), banging the spatula against the pot <3. And the first mental image that came to mind was of a tattoo design for a buckled rail, as a metaphor for having a hard time with your body, and doing what you're supposed to do especially when under heat and stress >_< cripple metaphorz, I guess...

📺 - Favourite show? This has been answered here:

🍂 - What’s your favourite season? ah god.... oh fuck.... *falls over and clutches my chest and sobs and weeps*

I'll attempt to keep this a little short, but mainly: my system is so fragmented, so compartmentalized and so blacked out of Sense Memories, and seasons are senses. My mom has bipolar (or schizoaffective bipolar, or Sadistic Personality Disorder + HPD + ASPD, or god knows what else) and Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I ended up with Seasonal Affective as well v_v I think most people end up with a Strong Sense Memory attached to, usually, only one season, usually Winter or Summer... that's at least what I see most often when people talk about it, if they talk about it at all, but I ended up with serious trauma that seemed intrinsically linked to each of the Seasonal Changes 😓 It doesn't help that I'm exquisitely sensitive to temperature/air pressure changes, and I'm more or less "severely" agoraphobic both on a physical level (outside is way too large) and on a mental level (i am so small and there are so many people out there, people who can and will stare at me, and the architecture, oh god!)...

I have a lot of good memories attached to each season, and a lot of bad memories as well... so I guess it's more about the minute moments contained within each swirling maelstrom of seasons. Going out to the city with my mom in late October on an unusually crisp, sunny day so I'm sweating under my leather jacket but the air is stinging my face. Laying down on the concrete in the middle of the road in early March, feeling the sun on my eyes. That first breath of fascination upon waking up to the first snowy morning, at any point in Winter, except for most of my life I lived in Washington so, sometimes there wouldn't even be snow :/ These are flash in the pan memories that stick out like little shimmering crystals in a sea of lead and blood.

Most of my positive associations with seasons also has to do with how nature changes alongside with it, seeing the trees die and regrow, rain falling or sun shining or clouds moving, animals present or not, etc... it's all very magical and wondrous. Listening to birdsong calms me down, and it's one of my nicer hallucinations usually when I'm awake in the early morning hours... god there is nothing better than being awake at 4am in the middle of summer and seeing the very first slivers of sunlight followed by birds waking up 🐦🦆🕊️🌅

[noriirori]

A friend recently asked, "what's the reason why you're in that fandom you're in right now?" And I couldn't help but dip my toes into answering this question because the reason why I'm in the tf2 fandom is a bit amusing to me.

Okay, July 28 of this year I was scrolling through Twitter, and then I happen to come across a comic page about two characters I had no idea about. This comic is titled HeavyMedic comic | Milk strawberry popsicles by Cabbage on Twitter. Now, keep in mind I had no clue who tf these characters were, I just saw that first page of the comic and I knew I had to stay and read this entire thing (even though I have no clue who tf they were). The hot weather, the bald character carrying a popsicle to give to a black haired character with glasses who the bald man called "Doktor", even though I wasn't in the tf2 fandom nor did I know who these characters were, I just knew one thing and it's that these guys are absolutely gay for each other.

Now at this time, I was pretty hooked. Multiple questions were coming into mind: who were these guys? Are these the creators original characters? Or are they from a video game? A movie maybe? I couldn't help myself, so I commented.

And ever since then, I was hooked! Since then, I've researched about this ship and eventually about the game itself. I've watched the official videos and read the comics, read fanfics, saved fan-art, etc.

I asked an online friend of mine (they were in many fandoms and I remembered them sending a picture of a group picture of a game that had those two guys.) if they knew which social media platform the tf2 fandom is very active on because I kinda wanna get involved in the community itself to talk and to engage in the fandom itself, and they said "oh, you should go to Tumblr since I've got mutuals that are active on there and they mainly post tf2 content." So, I downloaded Tumblr, made my account and since then, my feed is nothing but tf2 content (sometimes food and some other digital art stuff but tf2 definitely is my feed).

And after we shared the reasons why we're in the fandom we currently are in right now, they asked (the same friend who asked the first question) "and why did you chose to stay? Do you have favorite content creators in that fandom and why are they your favorite?"

First I'll answer, why I chose to stay. To keep it short and simple, it's because this fandom made me feel welcome and accepted. I love how nice the creators of artworks are, the writers, and the other people, who like me, also views fan-art in Tumblr. I love how there isn't really issues in the community (at least that I'm not aware of) and how respectful and funny people are. Obviously, we can't avoid that there is also a bad side to this fandom, and I was unfortunate enough to experience this type of treatment. I don't really want to go into detail but I guess *some* YouTubers are very homophobic which is so sad considering that most of them are genuinely fucking funny and their tf2 content absolutely bangs but as a non-binary pansexual myself, I can't let stuff like that slide. And thankfully, it is just some YouTubers, plus the content creators I watch in the tf2 fandom usually do SFMs instead of like having voice over shit and complain about the fandom enforcing LGBTQIA+ onto the characters. So yeah, I stayed because I'm in the good side of the community where people aren't fucking mean for no reason and respects and welcomes anyone despite whatever they are.

Also, the second question is a bit tricky because I LOVE ALL OF THE ARTISTS IN THE FANDOM each and every one of them are very much talented, amazing, beautiful, god-sent and wonderful. So, these are the artist that I mean:

Yeah, I love all of them, also I know what you'll say "but some of them don't do art, they just reblog!" So? I still consider them as artist bcuz they share ART. Okay, my absolutely favorite like my number one is Ncalabby. Most of my favorite fan-arts come from them. They are my favorite,well, because they are the reason that I'm in this fandom in the first place but other than that, I love their art. I love how they do their line art, the background and how each color on every art of theirs contrast with each other beautifully and makes the subject of their art shine because of the color scheme. And I love how they draw Medic, strong and massive unlike those fucking twink ahh Medic that people seem to make him as he is. It's *fine* if that's how your style is but making Medic small and skinny because he's a support and heals people isn't right. But that's just my opinion though.

Now, SFM creators, there are some that I absolutely love because well, they contribute heavily into the fandom. I'll be ranking them into 3rd to 1st.

3. DasMxD - I love their series' if tf2 was realistic, their SFMs are very smooth and natural.

2. Winglet - this guy, has the *smoothest* SFMs animations ever. I love how the mercenaries move in a way that's very much smooth and very natural, and I love their videos so much.

1. the-sound-of-progress -> I love Dusty, despsite their works being comics I don't think that SFM is made for comics yet somehow their SFMs are very pretty and natural, I love that the fact that they info dump on their blog because I am very interested in making my own SFMs in the upcoming future but I still don't have my own PC but their info dump about Blenders, SFMs, how to fix if the Medic model has that black thingy on his gloves, etc. Their works are wonderful, and them as a person as well ks just as fantastic as their work is. I did message them, told them how much I loved their work and they replied, and we're very humble with themselves which I love so much. Like I always wait for them to upload their comics because I find them so entraining and godsent stuff. Also, Dusty contributes heavily on the red Oktoberfest content, if you don't believe me, check out their page.

So yeah, this was what I answered to my friend and because I have nothing else to do, I will just share it here on my blog. Anyway, you, what's your reason why you're in the tf2 fandom? I'd like to know!

[x-neurodivergent-reader]

Heyy i Hope You’re Doing well! I’m a new writing acc and I don’t really have any requests or an audience, can I please ask for your advice on how to start writing more or gaining an audience, because I struggle to write without any ideas being given or a prompt list.

Sending love!! Byee

Hello, welcome to the world of writing fanfiction! Since this might get a bit rambly, I'll stick my advice under the cut. I'll also break it up into categories, and bold the most important parts, just for easier readability.

Writing a particular niche/experience

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how universal my experience with writing/the following I built is, because my blog is directed towards a specific niche? It was genuinely a case of there being very few fics directed at/including neurodivergent readers, deciding "fine, I'll do it myself", and then the people who also wanted more of such fics were drawn to my writing as they came across it.

As such, writing one or two things based on your unique personal experiences (that you're comfortable sharing) might be a good start?

Your blog doesn't have to be centred around those experiences for you to write about them, and it doesn't have to be very specific, either (a few of my first posts were literally HCs for "[character] x Autistic!Reader - Established Relationship"). My more specific/unique ideas came along as I wrote more, and from the requests that came in over time.

There'll always be someone out there who not only relates to your experiences and feelings, but is waiting to see themselves in your stories!

Prompt lists (even without anyone to send them!)

Other than that, though: there's no shame in starting with a prompt list! Even if there's no one to give you a prompt yet, you might be able to find a small list, and then put the numbers/prompts into a random name picker to choose it for you?

I've just had a look for some examples, and a lot of prompt lists tend to be fairly long, from what I'm seeing (around 15-25 prompts seems to be the average) - but I've found this blog, that has some smaller lists to choose from. If anyone else knows of any others that anon might find useful, feel free to share them here!

An extra bit of advice...

This isn't really relevant to your question, but is the No. 1 bit of advice I would give to a new fic writer: figure out what you are/aren't comfortable writing before you start taking requests.

When I got my first request, the requester ended up having to change it a couple times, because I hadn't considered that, for example, someone could request a character I wasn't familiar with - leading to the "don't request characters I haven't already written for" rule in my guidelines. In hindsight, I'd recommend writing several fics before you start taking requests, so you have a better idea of what your boundaries are, and can list them out for people to take note of. It'll save you, and the requesters, a lot of trouble!

It's also important to not let anyone intentionally try to break those boundaries (e.g. by blatantly guilt-tripping you). While it's wonderful to have people appreciate your writing enough to want to see more from you, they aren't entitled to cross the line like that - it's OK to stand up for yourself. Do no harm, take no shit, etc. etc.

And that's all I've got!

I hope this was at least a little bit helpful - again, I'm not sure how universal the way my blog grew is, but hopefully there's something you'll be able to take away from this!

I hope you have fun writing! c:

[softxsuki]

I have a question for you! Just a simple one really. What's something that you know you do differently than most people? I'm curious because what you answer would be. (Or another question if you don't want to do this one: What are you most grateful for?) - ⚜️

Hmm, interesting questions! I'll answer them both for you!

Something I know I do differently from most people: It's hard to tell what's going on in everyone's mind or their daily life, so idk if these things are actually things that most people don't do lol, but I'll still say them

If I have a plate of food, I eat the parts I like the least first, and save my favorite for last

As for my writing, I think this is pretty different, but I write out a basic draft using bulletpoints first, then I go through and fill in with more details or rearrange some things. I can't write out a full story and post it like that, there's always something I have to change

I daydream everywhere. I used to go to this park when I was younger and at the time I was super obsessed with One Direction (lol) and I'd have very vivid daydreams while swinging on a swing, of a tour bus stopping by the park and the 1D boys coming out and inviting me on tour with them NFJEKAFJN

Even now though, I still daydream at work. I was laughing to myself because I fully pictured this cute scenario with Bakugou and I full on started giggling to myself 💀

Something I do different on tumblr: I'm nice (I hope). I've seen so many blogs who only care about their mutuals. Like they only do certain events for their mutuals and only act friendly towards them and I never understood that. It always discouraged me from even sending them an ask, even though I was on anon, because I felt like I didn't belong. I want to give love to everyone whether they're my moot or not, so I hope everyone feels welcome to speak to me on my blog! Let me know if there's anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable talking to me :D

These are probably all generic I'm sorry. I can't really think of anything more specific FJKEABF

AS FOR WHAT IM THANKFUL FOR;

I'm thankful firstly to God for getting me this far in everything; He's the one that pushed me to start this blog and actually share my writing with people. He brought me the most comfort after my aunt passed away last year, He brought my job opportunity to me at the most perfect moment, and He's helped me out of my most darkest days so definitely very thankful for Him.

I'm of course thankful for my parents who helped raise me (though I am very different from them) but they supported me financially and to this day my dad still helps me out whenever I need it

I'm thankful for my friends, especially my friend Tay who brought me back to my faith. Her and I were destined to meet NFEOAF and I can't wait to meet her in person one day! But also my friend Melissa, who has been with me since 10th grade and stayed by my side when I unfriended my ex-bff who we were mutual friends with. She supports me so much, no questions asked and I know she's someone I can go to for anything and she'll drop everything to help me out

I'm thankful to have a job and a decent income

Thankful to have a car so I don't have to ride a train for 2 hours to get to work

and lastly, IM THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU; this past year has been incredible because of you guys (especially this past week). I love how understanding you all are even though I'm sure it's frustrating that I have over 100 requests, but I keep doing events and other things in between, but I'm thankful you're all still around. I've been extra happy this week though because more of you are reaching out to me through my asks just to talk or to ask me questions like this and it makes me feel like we're all really close friends (even though I do already consider you all my friends. OR EVEN FAMILY, this blog is our own little family)

There we go. Thank you again for the questions, I love stuff like this <3

[spiteriisen]

✧ PINNED !

&&. despite it all, you rise from your grave, dig claws into your future, and howl.

spiteriisen ; an indie multimuse of D&D - based original characters. written by August (29, he/him). all character art used in graphics is my own. est. 08.05.2024. a study in ; revenant drive, bone-deep defiance, baring your teeth in the face of god. Born from fueling your own fire; saving yourself, knowing that no one else will. Getting back on your feet-- no matter how many broken pieces of yourself you have to leave behind where you fell. even if you weep. even if you bleed. even against your own will. You rise.

CARRD. (under construction. tba.) RULES UNDER READ MORE.

✧ This blog is currently under construction ! I won't be opening interactions with anyone outside my close friends until I have a functioning carrd for muse info !

i. I am selective and mutuals only ; I might not always follow back and I won't follow if you have no rules or information written for your blog. I am also strictly 18+ due to the content of my blog. At times, I will follow first, especially if we write together or talk on my other main blog! However, I know that crossovers and OCs aren't for everyone and that many people like to keep their dash very curated so if you do not want to write with me here, you can let me know in a message or by SOFTBLOCKING this blog. there are no hard feelings! I also request that you softblock or hardblock me if you wish to break mutuals for any reason! I will do the same if I break mutuals. You do not owe me any explanations as to why and I request the same courtesy be extended to me. Thanks!

ii. Ask box etiquette ; Anon is currently on! However, i have the right to turn it off for any reason. I'm not looking to participate in internet drama, or any fandom discourse here so don't send me warnings or callouts. Unless an actual crime has been committed, please don't come into my ask box to talk about anyone else. Also, this should go without saying but if you send me hate, I will treat you like a silly little heckler at my comedy show and I will laugh about you with all my friends. My confidence here is unshakable xoxo <3. I probably won't answer every ask-- sometimes I just don't know how-- but I will try to, at least! However, for this reason, you are welcome to send me multiple to give me more to choose from! I am also a notorious ask continuer. I will make asks you answer for me into threads a lot of the time. You are SO welcome to do the same, by all means!

iii. nsf.w content will be written here ; I don't shy away from exploring sex within character dynamics-- ic or ooc. I will write smut with people I'm comfortable with between characters it makes sense for, and I will share sex-themed headcanons. However, that is not the whole point of me being here. That is not all I want to write. I will tag all such content with " #nsft tw " and place it under a read more.

iv. shipping is selective ; i form ships based on chemistry and I always require some plotting before hand. I love shipping my characters a lot so please don't be afraid to approach me for this kind of exploration if we're vibing in that direction. Please make note of my characters' sexual and romantic orientations as well as their shipping availability, and please respect them.

v. don't be a dickhead ; This should be obvious, but if you're racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. -- basically if you believe that any group of people is inferior to you in this vein or hold any such discriminatory views: do not attempt to interact with me.

vi. au, duplicate, oc, and crossover friendly ; I'm so open to making crossovers or verses for my characters to make interactions work! I'm happy to plot to make interactions work!

vii. no godmodding, forceshipping, etc. ; Basic rp etiquette. Let me play my character and obviously I'll let you play yours. If you write a muse of considerably higher position or power than mine, I as the writer will respect that. Some of my muses may be more defiant or respectless, but I will be approaching you to discuss things before I take things in that direction. I do not expect my muses not to face consequences! I'm more than happy to write threads where my muses are punished, hurt, tortured, imprisoned, or even killed-- provided that we talk it out first!

viii. in terms of triggers or tagging ; I am triggered by images of syringes in skin, and depictions of medical gore, both visual and written. Currently I have the tags " needles tw " and " medical gore tw " blacklisted. If you use a different tagging system, I will hopefully notice and deal with it myself, but if you feel comfortable in giving me a heads up yourself, I would definitely appreciate it. I also deal with thalassophobia (fear of deep water) and megalohydrothalassophobia (fear of large things-- creatures or objects-- under the water). If you want to, you can tag things like " thalassophobia tw ", " ocean tw ", or if you feel like it " August don't look " works for me too. I will be sure to tag anything you need me to, so long as i'm made aware of it, either in your rules or by you directly. My trigger tag formatting looks like this: trigger tw

ix. i am a SLOW writer ; unfortunately, a single reply often takes me a couple hours to get done. I am always trapped under the weight of ADHD. I also have a lot of other hobbies, several real-life engagements-- such as work and school-- and sometimes I just don't feel like writing in general! I also might not always respond ooc-- sometimes my social battery gets low, sometimes I'm busy, or sometimes I forget! I don't have anything against you when this happens and you're welcome to poke me after a couple days if you want to! Please be patient with me and give me a little grace, I'm not always the best conversationalist, but I promise I'm really just vibing.

x. i run on PACIFIC STANDARD TIME ; My hours of activity fluctuate a LOT, but I'm generally much busier on the weekends, as that is when I have my Dungeons & Dragons games.

And finally, I'm looking forward to writing with you !

[the-firebird69]

Top 10 Giants in Movies and TV

I got haggart is my favorite and he went along with the zig and he agrees and it's because he said that I'm the try winner and it's more or less trifecta because he understood what I meant Andre was doing his own thing and detected is something wrong no that was after the network came down and you should have seen it but they're not big enough but he felt happy and what he was doing at least he had that and Preston did the whole time and they know stuff now it's going to be hard times

Zues Hera

He says it like this nobody goes that deep into what I'm thinking and into my personage and personal business family business and The Business and I understood it and now I see it these people planned it and it's a way to tie everybody up and it makes it look like the clones cuz they're everywhere all over the cold and I tell you what if you saved a lot of us and during the process he says I saved myself and it's true got to find the Rock and it was a guy and I helped myself again but really we got to get going these armies are huge but we need vast armies

Bill

And yeah it's me he likes to interrupt me at the wrong time and so does Bill we like making fun of some of what he says even though my grandson-in-law says the same things oddly enough and he's almost programmed I am going then again his brother which they call his father which is Thor speaks like thrim quite a bit it says he has to talk to him but this is what it is we know what we're talking about and we know what we're doing and he does too kept calling us odd names like Jew bags and when are you going to see it and you're blinded this guy's a huge and a problem and he's not under control and it kept going over and saying we don't want to do that yet but we have to finally he broke down the other day and that's not true we're going to go through with it and the max say we're not going through with anything it's making us very sad it's a sad time for us we needed this miscellaneous group it's becoming huge with foreigners in it too like us he kept us through it got us through some of it but he's a child and started fighting us and it was horrible he didn't do anything drastic nothing physical really didn't say anything that wasn't provoked and didn't say that much and it's holding it in and it got real angry and helped him get out of here and we didn't do it on purpose it was very tense and these Max are mean and out of line and he can have stuff so they're trying to poke at him all the time and it's ridiculous because they say they're going to take power and then do it I've never seen so many people that could be falling over but sure doesn't look at like it and these armies are growing from very large to vast and you've never seen armies this big this is ridiculous how big there they're training people and hiring them camps are opening up huge sectors of the economy might even shut down and he says we're probably going to take it over and with minority warlock and minorities there's a lot of people who can't fight and warlock too I'll go back to work and they're going to set up some factories now he's asking and they do swing shifts and they can have special housing and they like it so it's going to start now this is a change and it's welcome and these Macs have been asking for it it's going to be a war

Preston

Thank you Preston and are flipping friend but really he's an under control a lot more than a lot of us and his idea is great and we want to do that now and his people have teams and they're going to be sending them out and it's going to happen and one of the things he wants to do is the hard not kicker 5150 and to get assembly factory is going and we want to do that too they have a lot of parts to them they have about 20 trillion assembles and 180 trillion disassembled so we want to set that up and we got to get going on it now it is a place of distinction and honor of the idea was most of that engine item was made by Randall Texas and he has to admit it and we do this now we understand what you're saying

Bja

It's time for us to meet we're going in and we have data and we see it and we examined it and our men's say it's true we have them on the line and they're recommending that we talk to them after and make notes and so we're going to do that

Trump

Olympus

[prydon]

oh i adore ur writing, do u take prompts by any chance? if u do, would u ever consider writing a fic inspired by the recent drunk juno and smitten peter art? thank u, have a nice day 💞

thank you for liking my writing!!! :D tbh i haven’t considered myself enough of a fic writer to take prompts in years, but i loved that art and i love writing jupeter so much that i just had to give this a go.

so here you go! inspired by this WONDERFUL art by @honeyjarr. you can read it on ao3 here or down below! 

set post-man in glass but pre jupeter being in an established relationship. CWs for alcohol consumption, brief reference to sarah steel being sarah steel, minor injuries, and non-explicit talking/joking about sex.

----

Nureyev had never seen Juno Steel drunk before.

For all his insistence that he was ‘getting drunker by the second’ back in his apartment on that fated night when Nureyev had gifted him a name and kiss, Nureyev knew he had been far from truly drunk, then. Juno was a broad man, and one with a long history of drinking. Unlike Nureyev, he held his liquor well.

Now, on board the Carte Blanche, he had been trying to cut down on his alcohol consumption. It was part of his recovery, part of leaving behind the mess of poor coping mechanisms and bad decisions that used to make up Detective Juno Steel.

So when Buddy had pulled out the bottle, it was only with assurance from Jet and Juno that they were both okay with it- and when Juno had asked her to pour him a glass, he did so with the promise that he wasn’t using the alcohol to deal with any bad feelings that ought to be handled another way.

“Rita and I used to get drunk sometimes and watch the lowest-rated streams we could find,” he said. “It was…fun.”

Rita nodded enthusiastically. “Mistah Steel would always start yelling and throwing popcorn at the screen!”

“Very well, then,” Buddy said. “I trust your judgement, Juno.”

Nureyev kept one eye on Juno as he sipped his own drink, curious. What kind of a drunk was Juno? Sobbing? Angry? …Handsy?

He folded his hope for the latter away.

Nureyev seldom ever drank, and never on the job. It was too risky. Drinking meant losing your inhibitions, losing control over your emotions, and if there was anything that Nureyev desperately didn’t want to lose, it was that. His persona was perfectly crafted. He couldn’t risk letting a bottle of wine or liquor crumble it.

He was already tipsy after his first glass, which was embarrassing. He intended to stop there- to perhaps ask for a refill, but only pretend to sip it before surreptitiously dumping it. As soon as the second one was poured, however, he found himself actually drinking it.

Something about these people made him feel safe enough to allow some loss of inhibition. That realization terrified him, but he kept drinking nonetheless.

Juno had almost finished his third glass, and only now seemed to be feeling the effects of it. He was talking more loudly than he had been before, and his eyes were slightly unfocused. He shot Nureyev a glance and the thief took another sip, mostly just to hide the blush that was creeping up his face courtesy of both the alcohol and the sight of Juno, who was looking handsomely disheveled with his hair mussed and his sweater slipped down around his shoulders.

After Jet excused himself to bed early, they somehow ended up in a game of Never Have I Ever, which Nureyev had never heard of but Juno insisted was a staple among schoolkids in Oldtown.

“All right!” Rita said. “Never have I ever…done it in a public place.”

Nureyev raised an eyebrow. “If by ‘it’, you mean sexual intercourse…” He took a drink, and then nearly spat it back out when he saw Juno drink, too.

“What?” Juno said innocently. “You drank.”

“You’re both gross,” Vespa growled at them.

“Really? In all your life, you’ve never once given in to the heat of the moment?” Nureyev asked, trying to distract himself from his own brain, which was currently insistent on conjuring up artist’s interpretations of Juno on a park bench, or in a theater, or-

“It’s private! You do it inside!”

“Sometimes you just don’t have many options!” Juno protested.

“Ugh, whatever. Here, I’ll go next…”

Nureyev was very, very bad at the game, as it turned out. What could he say: he was an adventurous man, and one who’d lived a rich life. He wasn’t going to apologize for that. It didn’t hurt that Juno was drinking almost as often as he was, either. He carefully filed away all of the lady’s responses to the various statements, mentally marking some as being in desperate need of further follow up.

Juno Steel had never swum in the ocean.

Juno Steel had set a cop car on fire.

Juno Steel had participated in a foursome.

It was all very important information. Nureyev only hoped he’d actually remember it tomorrow. That was seeming less and less likely, the tipsier he got. He tried to take small sips throughout the game, but by the time it had ended, he knew he was gone. He’d regret letting that happen once he was sober, of course, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I think that’s enough for this evening,” Buddy said after a while, seeming to sense that both Nureyev and Juno were looking rather worse for the wear.

“One more!” Rita insisted. “Never have I ever…almost fallen out a window ‘cause I was chasing after a love letter.”

“Rita!” Juno exclaimed. “I told you that in confidence! Plus, that doesn’t count. It’s targeting! That’s…against the rules!”

“There ain’t no rules, Mistah Steel!”

“Ugh, fine,” Juno said, and drank.

Nureyev couldn’t help being curious, and even- ridiculously- jealous. Who had written Juno a love letter? Who had Juno cared so much about that even he, acrophobic as he was, had been willing to nearly jump out a window to save a note from them?

By all means, it could have happened decades ago. There was no reason to be envious. Nureyev had realized that he was prone to envy when it came to Juno Steel, however, and the alcohol was likely just heightening the emotion.

“Mistah Ransom’s got a funny look on his face,” Rita commented.

“Yeah, ‘cause he knows it was his letter,” Juno grumbled.

“Really!? Mistah Steel, you never told me that!”

“…Didn’t come up.”

Nureyev froze, feeling something warm spread through him. Ah. “You…kept my note? I didn’t realize.”

“Don’t have it anymore. It got lost somewhere along the way. It’s been…a hectic past few months,” Juno said, sounding genuinely upset by the loss. Then he frowned. “What, Ransom, did you really not realize Rita was talking about your note?”

“I…”

A wide smile spread over Juno’s face. “Oh, my god. Your expression a moment ago…were you jealous of yourself!?”

Nureyev felt himself turn beet red. “N- no.”

“You were!”

Juno burst out laughing. Unlike his usual laughs, which on the rare occasions that they surfaced were quiet and restrained, almost as though he didn’t believe he was deserving of laughter, this one was loud and unburdened. It was a full body laugh, and it lit Juno up so beautifully that Nureyev could almost forget that it was at was at his expense.

Nureyev could guess, then, what kind of drunk Juno was. He was the kind whose current predominate emotion, whatever it was, was exacerbated by the alcohol. When he was sad, he’d end up crying into his drinks. When he was angry, there would be yelling and picking fights.

Right now, Juno was happy.

Even just the flickering, uncertain smiles he had shot Nureyev during their mission to retrieve the map had been enough to nearly bowl the thief over, and now here he was. Smiling a smile big enough to cut the moon in half.

“You know, one time Benzaiten won an award for having the Galaxy’s Best Smile. Can you believe that?!”

Nureyev had never known Juno’s brother, of course, and all he knew of him now came from those little glimpses that Juno gave him when he felt safe enough to voice them. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Benzaiten had deserved the accolade, though, if he had indeed had the same smile as Juno.

Juno definitely had the best smile in the entire galaxy. In all the galaxies, surely. And it made Nureyev feel emotions of an enormity that he had never before experienced. He wanted to live in that smile. He wanted to make a home in it. He wanted to lean forward, grab Juno by the face, and kiss him in front of everyone. He wanted to feel that smile against his lips.

It took every ounce of self restraint he had not to do so, and he gripped his glass, begging the last sober vestiges of himself to keep him from acting on any ridiculous notions.

He didn’t kiss Juno, thankfully.

He did do something else, though.

Crack.

“Oh. Dear,” he said. “These things aren’t very sturdy, are they?”

Before he could even realize what was happening, his glass had shattered to pieces in his hand, and his nice clothes that had surely cost the person he’d stolen them from several thousand creds were drenched in alcohol and littered with shards of glass.

“Nur- Ransom!” Juno exclaimed, immediately concerned, and in the moment all that Nureyev could think was how sad he was that the smile had vanished from the lady’s face. “What the hell happened?!”

“I believe I broke the glass.”

“Christ! Do you have the grip strength of a goddamn metal vice?” Juno’s voice sounded shocked and more than a little bit impressed. Nureyev couldn’t help feeling rather pleased about the latter. Then, suddenly, the ex-detective was back to looking concerned. “Ransom, you’re bleeding.”

He looked down at his hand. “Ah.”

“We- we need to get this cleaned up. Get you cleaned up,” Juno said. He swayed slightly as he made his way to Nureyev’s side to worriedly inspect his hand. If his drunkenness had been boosting his happiness before, it was now boosting his anxiety and fear.

“I’m all right,” Nureyev insisted. “Just a cut. Barely even hurts.” He didn’t want Juno to worry. He just wanted to see that smile again.

Vespa let out a long groan. “Ugggggggh. You two are the worst. I’ll go grab the nearest first aid kit. Ransom, Steel can get you your bandaid. I’m going to bed. You got this, Steel?”

Juno nodded. “I’ve patched myself up enough times to know how.”

“Great.”

She was back in a moment with the kit, handing it off to Juno before dragging Buddy off to bed.

“Good night, darlings,” Buddy said as she was pulled away. “Rita, I think you’d best leave them be, too.”

Rita frowned. “But what if they need my- Oooooooh. Okay.” She waved and winked comedically aggressively at Juno. “G’night, Mistah Steel and Mistah Ransom! Mistah Ransom, I hope you feel better soon!”

“Good night, Rita,” Nureyev said, feeling vaguely lightheaded. It wasn’t from the wound- that wasn’t nearly bad enough to warrant such a response. If he had to guess, it was from Juno being so close that he could feel his breath. From the soft, reverent way he was currently cleaning the cuts on Nureyev’s hands.

Juno looked up to watch Rita go. “What was that about?”

“No idea.”

Juno’s next words were softer and slightly slurred. “…Are you mad at me?”

Nureyev stared at him, completely lost. “What? Why would I be mad at you?”

“I was…I was laughing at you. Then you broke the glass. Did you break it because you were mad? Ma did that sometimes. I- I shouldn’t have laughed. Shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry-”

“Hush, Juno,” Nureyev said. “I’m not angry in the slightest. Really, it was rather funny. And I’m touched that you went that far just to rescue my note.”

“Then…why?”

“Why did I break the glass? I suppose I underestimated my own strength.”

“Why were you gripping it so hard, though?!”

What could he tell Juno? He studied his hand, not wanting to admit the truth. He couldn’t very well say, I found your smile so beautiful that if I hadn’t held onto something as hard as I could, I would have surely lunged forward and kissed you right there.

He looked up to find Juno staring at him, wide-eyed. “Really?”

“I…did not mean to say that out loud,” Nureyev said. “Apologies, Juno. I seem to be rather drunk.”

“You don’t say.” Juno snorted. A glimmer of a smile reappeared on his face, to Nureyev’s delight. “That’s really why, though? You wanted to kiss me?”

“Well, yes,” Nureyev said, flustered. “You have a very…nice smile.”

“Well, I’m not stopping you.”  

Juno suddenly looked embarrassed, almost shy. Hopeful, too.

Nureyev had lost the ability to think coherent thoughts.

“Oh. Okay,” he stammered.

He gently took Juno’s face in his freshly bandaged hand as he’d imagined doing not much earlier, and pulled him into a deep kiss. The lady’s lips were as soft and warm as always. They still tasted like drink, but also something so purely Juno that Nureyev was certain he could have gotten drunk on that taste alone.

He shifted, moving closer. Juno mirrored his actions, shuffling across the carpet to reach him, and then-

“Ow!”

Juno swore and broke away, to Nureyev’s dismay. It took him a moment to figure out what was wrong: there was still broken glass on the carpet.

“Are you all right?” Nureyev asked.

“Mm. Just pricked me. We should really get this cleaned up.” He hesitated. “On second thought, picking up glass while drunk might not be a good idea. Let’s just…mark it off so no one steps on it and then go to bed. We can deal with it in the morning.”

They did just that. Nureyev hated that even though Juno had drunk much more than him, he was the one leaning on Juno for balance as they walked back to his room. He couldn’t stop thinking about that smile. He wondered what it would take to make Juno smile like that while sober, and decided that whatever it was, he was going to figure it out.

When they reached the door to Nureyev’s room, Juno paused.

“Make sure you drink some water before you go to sleep,” he said. “And don’t use your right hand more than you have to, so it can heal.”

“I know, I know.”

There was an awkward but companionable silence for a moment. Nureyev wanted more than anything to invite Juno into his room to stay the night, but he knew he shouldn’t. They weren’t there yet, and besides, that wasn’t a step that he wanted to take while under the influence.

“I can’t believe you really broke a glass because of me,” Juno said finally, smirking.

“Oh, shush. It’s your own fault. If you hadn’t…looked like that, it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Well, I’m so sorry. In the future I’ll refrain from ‘looking like that’.”

“Please don’t,” Nureyev said immediately.

“…Okay. Then I won’t.”

Nureyev moved to open his door, then hesitated, chewing his lip. “Juno…there’s something I need to ask you.”

Juno immediately knit his brow, his shoulders tensing. “What is it?”

“About the time you had sex in a public place-”

The ex-detective groaned loudly and gave him a good-natured shove. “I don’t want to talk about it!”

“Could you at least tell me about the foursome, then?”

“No! God, I am never playing Never Have I Ever with you guys again. Good night, Nureyev.”

Nureyev grinned. “Good night, my dear.”

[slvt4em1lyprenti2s]

There’s only one bed

Originally posted on my Wattpad @MayaBishop_is_myWife

Natasha Romanoff x reader

Fluff

Word count: 1709 (Omg I didn't mean for it to be that long I'm so sorry!!)

Natasha's POV: Fury Just called me into his office to have a mission debriefing. Normally we'd have the brief with all the Avengers but, this is an undercover mission and let's just say majority of the team aren't very good at that. They blow their cover all the time and can't persuade people to save their lives. Ironic because that's exactly what it does on missions, save their life. 

I've been told I'm going with someone but a name hasn't been given yet. I hope it's not an Agent from the academy. They're all newbies so I'll have to hold their hand the whole mission because they're clueless. As I'm walking I bump into Wanda.

Wanda - "Oh hey, good luck on your mission!" Nat - "Thanks also, do you know who I'm going with? I mean like any details about them?" Wanda - "All I know is apparently she's very popular among her fellow students, and by that I mean, she's hot."  Nat - "Students?! Great, so she's from the academy?" Wanda - "Yeah but, Fury wouldn't send her with you if she couldn't handle it." Nat - "I guess your right but they can be really annoying needing to be walked through every single step of the mission." Wanda - "I guess you're right but, rumour has it, she's the best of the best. Your level even." Nat - "Ha, I've heard that one a hundred times before, no one's better than me c'mon Wands you know that."  Wanda - "Haha, yeaah I know Nat but just give her a chance?" Nat - "Fine, I will but, I got to get to Fury now, I'll see you around." Wanda - "Bye, good luck!"

We parted ways and I gave her a smile. I walked into Fury's office and was welcomed by the sight of a beautiful woman with wavy y/h/c and shining y/e/c eyes. I going to be honest Wanda wasn't lying, she's perfect. Oh my god, I can't be thinking about these things she's my mission partner! She was already sat down in a chair opposite Fury when I came in so I took the chair beside her.

Fury - "Thank you for both making the time to be here, as you know this is an undercover mission so, pack a bag that'll last at least 2 day and 2 nights. We can never predict what'll happen at these kind of events." Nat - "Speaking of, what event is it and why exactly are we going?" Fury - "Well I'm glad you asked. It's part organised by Darren McHugh, not a big name in any industry but filthy rich. Attending the party is Lauren Emerson, your target. All you need is information from her about a weapon Hydra is developing. Her father has every Hydra scientist and engineer in his pocket so, she'll know a lot. Now, she's interested in women which is why there is no men on this case with you. I need you y/n to seduce her and get intel while Natasha watches your 6 and looks for another possible target who, isn't confirmed to be there, but there's a good chance he will be. Y/N - "What's the other guys name?" Fury - "James Scott." Nat - "Is that all?" Fury - "Yes that's all. Here's your personal copies of the file and be ready at the quinjet in 30 minutes."

With that we both left but I couldn't help feel a pang of disappointment shoot through me at the thought of her flirting with other people. Damn I really need to snap out of this.

I got up to my room and pack my things. I also put in my red dress and black heels for the party and go to the quinjet. As I'm walking I see her already standing there. She catches me staring as I walk towards her and she extends her hand.

Y/N POV: 

I look over and see Agent Romanoff coming towards me, eyes trained directly at me. I offer my hand for her to shake and she does. Y/n - "Agent y/l/n, y/n y/l/n." Nat - "Natasha Romanoff."

With that we both boarded the ship, settled down and engaged in conversation. It was a long flight and we were going to have to spend the next 24-48 hours together so, may as well get to know each other. This conversation however turned into shamelessly flirting with each other constantly.

Time skip to when the ship lands and they get to the hotel (still reader pov):

We get the the hotel and Natasha asks for our reservation at the front desk. While she's doing that I take a minute to really take in this place because it's massive. There's a chandelier on the ceiling and art all over the walls. The architecture is beautiful and it has gold accents along every wall. It also smelt like vanilla, don't know why that's relevant but it smells nice. 

I hear a 'thank you' and 'enjoy your stay' so I assume that Nat has got the key so I begin walking to the lift (elevator). I step in and so does Natasha just a bit behind me. She presses the button to the 5th floor and we stand in a comfortable silence for the short 10 second ride. The doors open with a ding and we step out and go look for our room. Natasha takes the lead and goes straight to our door and opens it with the key card. 

Y/n - "Wow Shield really outdid themselves with this one ay?" Nat - "Yeah, they really did."

(This is already getting really long so instead of writing a description imma just put in a picture.)

As we were walking around the both of us were quick to realise something. Nat - "There's only one bed." Y/n - "I was just thinking the same thing. I'll take the sofa (couch) I don't mind at all." Nat - "No, it's okay I can." Y/n - "Honestly I'll sleep there it's fine." Nat - "Look uhm, you don't have to but to save ourselves a very polite argument do you wanna just share it. I mean it's a double so..?" Y/n - "Yeah sure I mean, if your up for it?" Nat - "I'm the one who suggested it dummy of course i'm up for it."

I chuckle at her response and put down my bags by the bed. If I was being honest with myself I couldn't help the butterflies that formed when thinking about sharing a bed with her. Goddamnit, she's my superior I can't be thinking like this.

Natasha POV: I brush my teeth and get changed in the bathroom whilst y/n orders room service. When I walk out she was getting changed so she only had a bra and pyjama trousers on. 

Nat - "Oh.., oh! I'm so sorry!" Y/n - "No sorry it's my fault I should've told you I was changing." Nat - "It's fine, I mean we're both girls right? i thing we haven't seen before." Y/n - "Yeah, yeah you're right, both girls." Nat - "Never seen a girl with abs like that though."

The blush spread on her face faster than a forrest fire. She was flustered and I took great pride in knowing I did that. I made my way to the kitchen so I'd be ready for room service when it came.

Three knocks at the door alerted me that the food was here. I thanked the staff and put the food on the counter.  Nat - "Hey y/n tea's here!" (It depends where your from but tea is just how we say evening meal, like dinner) Y/n - "Thank god, i'm starving."

We sit on the sofa with our food and watch whatever trashy TV shows are on. We laugh at parts of it and it gives me butterflies, her laugh has quickly become my favourite sound. It's just so beautiful and care free, it also means she's happy which makes me happy. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I hear her softly say.

Y/n - "Hey you okay? Lost you for a second there." Nat - "Yeah, oh um, yeah I'm fine just thinking." Y/n - "About what? You were very focused." Nat - "Nothing don't worry about it. Anyway, it's late we should go to bed."  Y/n - "Your right I'll take the plates into the kitchen."

While she was doing that I went to the bedroom and set up the bed. I was laying down when she came in, she tentatively lowered herself o to the bed and layer down facing me.

Y/n - "You sure it was nothing?" Nat - "It wasn't really nothing and I'm about to talk a lot and I don't want you to talk till I'm done okay?" Y/n - "Go for it." Nat - "I like you, like really like you. I know it's wrong because I'm your superior and your not even out the academy yet but I'm 25 and your what like, 20, 21 give or take so it's not like it's weird. Also can you blame me? You're perfect. Everything about you is perfect. Even though we only just met I can't help falling for you y/n. I'm sorry if I've just ruined the friendship we built today but I really needed to get that off my chest."

I look her deep in the eyes for any kind of reaction to what I just said. After a couple seconds of processing she smiled at me. Probably the biggest smile i've ever seen her have. She still hasn't said anything so I speak up.

Nat - "Well?"

She doesn't answer me, instead she gently grabs my face and kisses me softly. Our lips dance against one another as second nature. Once air becomes a problem we release from each other's grasp.

Y/n - "I like you too, if that wasn't already clear."

She giggled like a school girl when I grabbed her waist and started peppering kisses all over her face. She stopped and snuggled closer to me and buried her head in my chest.

"This woman is the one for me" I thought to myself as I held her safe in my arms. Although I really wasn't looking forward to this mission now.

[rayofsunas]

s/o who dies.

A/n: listennnn, I wasn't going to write something dark, but then I unregretfully decided to listen to edgy/dark audios and I was suddenly in the mood to write this so yeah lmao. also, guess what? I'm planning on making a discord server right after posting this! so, be on the lookout for that when I get it all sorted out. also, note for Scaramouche's that the reader inserts tend to lean more femininely versed (I hope that's okay), the only reasons why I do that is because one I simp and I'm female AND two since I am doing a mini-series for Scara, I've kind of based his imagines/fics around that universe (baby daddy universe). I haven't started his yet, but consider these part of that series' universe. anyways as always thank you for requesting anon and enjoy! <333

Summary: you die + how the boys cope afterward.

Parings: Albedo/Gn! Reader, Xiao/Gn! Reader, Scaramouche/Fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing, angst, death, poison, illness/cancer, murder, arson, obsessive behavior

Word count: 2.1k

Albedo

"You need to keep this on your head." Your lover said for the one-hundredth time, placing the cold cloth on your forehead once again after taking it off only seconds earlier.

"This is pointless," You said, no longer wanting to ignore nor hide behind the invisible thick curtains of the obvious death sentence approaching. "My body rejected the medicine the first twice doses, what's a third time going to do?" You asked, knowing Albedo wouldn't answer; your hope was to knock some sense into his thick skull. but he was too worried trying to ignore the obvious as you had previously been doing, not anymore though.

This was saddening to watch, both Albedo's unfolding and the girl who accidentally poisoned you, whimpering into Sucrose's shoulder. She was only a young girl, barely seventeen when she was chosen to work under Sucrose and your boyfriend. She was very good at Alchemy and luckily had a desire to practice the craft. But unfortunately, she hadn't paid much attention when it came to Surcrose's educational poison lesson and had unknowingly mixed up poisonous liquids and materials.

After tipping over some clutter in Albedo's office and knocking over a test tube laying unsealed on the counter, you had realized the contents spilled on your skin, bleaching into your pores. You had been tasked with bringing the famed alchemist and his assistant some vials and materials for the collection of a rare butterfly they had found. It was both telling and obvious that something was wrong when you never showed up with the required materials requested and it was already too late hours later when the chief Alchemist, his assistant, and Alchemist in training came bounding down the stairs of Albedo's home laboratory.

It didn't take long for the trio to realize something was wrong. Sucrose had found the vile on the floor, most of its contents spilled and in a little puddle, plus your state on a nearby lounge chair was obvious; slumped awkwardly, forehead visibly sweating, eyes closed, breathing raspily.

You accepted the first doses of the supposed nullifying medicine without hesitation, just wanting the numbing feeling to go away. But when it never kicked in you decided it would be best to save the medicine, because it wasn't working. Your time was coming.

"Since the medicine is taking immediate effect, you should try to get the contents out of your system," He said, reaching out for you. Badly you wanted to argue that the medicine wasn't working at all, but he wasn't listening and already has his lean arms wrapped around your middle, helping gently lift and guide you over to the sink.

You hear materials being shoved to the side and soon enough you had your head dangling over the sink, shaking hands gripping the metalled edge tightly. Soon enough, Albedo's hand was on your back rubbing up and down, hoping to comfort you, it wasn't working though. You could only think about your death, what the other side would look like. Could there even be heaven or hell, maybe a place in between, maybe nowhere...?

As soon as you felt the urge to vomit, you did, and despite it being utterly disgusting Albedo seemed to welcome it happily. He took this as something good, but it only worried you when you saw the reddish hues in the bile.

"I think they should leave." You muttered acknowledging Sucrose and Elizabeth, the taste of gooey, metal only becoming more apparent. The blonde agreed, nodding and muttering "Okay."

As Sucrose lead Elizabeth towards the stairs, the pair heard you say. "Goodbye Sucrose, Elizabeth." Which only seemed to make the young girl wail louder.

You sighed sadly once the silence was back. Just your thoughts of death, and Albedo's slowly crushing heart.

"You should probably leave soon as well. I don't want you to be here when I go." Albedo frowned at your statement, head shaking.

"Don't say things like that."

Of course, he'd say that. Why did he feel the need to ignore this when it would only come back to hurt him even more later on when you were gone?

"You're the smartest man I know and we both know where this is heading," You said, head feeling much heavier than before. It was getting closer to your time. "I'm going to die, and you can't do anything about it."

"I'm not leaving your side. We promised to stick together through everything, you can't ask me to leave."

"I guess... But promise me this."

"When I go, stop blaming Elizabeth. It was an accident..." You said sincerely. Albedo wanted to make a fuss about it, tell you he'd never been able to forgive her. But for you, he would try. If it was your list desire, your last wish, he'd make it come true. Though it would be difficult. Accidental or not, she was the reason you were leaving him here, alone.

"Okay, I'll try..." He said honestly.

"Thank you," You said, letting out a shaking breath you had been holding for a very long time. Now you felt much more peaceful. "And since I know you stubbornly won't leave," You started, finally turning away from the sink to look into his cerulean eyes. "At least hold my hand."

"Of course, love."

even a year after your death, no matter how hard he tried, there was still this nagging feeling every time he looked at Elizabeth

he wanted too badly forgive her, but he couldn't

she had, although accidental, taken the one person that meant so much to him and he'd never forgive

Albedo is gonna be distant towards everyone he knows and it's completely purposeful

he doesn't like the pitiful gazes that people send his way and he hates that all the captains stared at him at your funeral

obviously, some questioned if he was able to stay in the field

he hadn't taken any time off, even when Jean advised he was welcome and that it would be best

tbh, albedo's going to have a hard time for a while

Xiao

Why did it have to be you? Why not him? He'd feel much better knowing you could live another day, after all, he'd been living a very long time.

But no, the fallen Archons, Gods, Yaksha had chosen you to join them. He wished that weren't the case

Humans and their pathetic vessels... So weak, he thought. Allowing something like cancer to beat them.

No matter how harsh it sounded, he didn't despise you, no. It wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for this. He just knew that if you were a godly being this wouldn't have happened like this or at least not so soon; Xiao had known Gods that had terminal illnesses to live years. Why couldn't you be like them?

He hated watching you lie there in that bed, immobile, sickly, and tired, and all you could say was that everything was going to be alright, that he'd be alright.

But it wasn't. He wouldn't be okay without you. He would struggle daily, fall deeper into a hole. You were the light of his life, the only light in his life. And you were gone, just like that. Turning external scars into internal ones tattered all over his dying heart.

Xiao for the longest time has been by himself, so the people of Liyue know it'll be harder for him to overcome this, no matter what he says or does to prove otherwise

Zhongli in particular knows how hard this will be for his friend

his first and probably last love, dead, gone in the blink of an eye

he'll continue fighting all the monsters he crosses, becoming even more violent when he does so, trying his best to get rid of this stupid sickly feeling of heartbreak

but it won't go away, no matter what he does, no matter how absurd

he just wants the feeling to go away, he despises that feeling so much

if you have a secret place somewhere, like in the mountains, Zhongli often finds him there, wallowing in invisible self-pity

"You know they wouldn't want you to be like this." Zhongli would say, only trying to help

but it doesn't

it only enrages Xiao, even more, fuels him to push everyone out of his life again instead of letting them in like he'd done in your presence

Scaramouche

How dare you. How dare you leave him like this. Alone, nonetheless with a toddler to raise who kept crying for her mommy. He couldn't do this without you, he didn't know how to raise a child, speak to her with the gentle care that you did. That was your expertise but now he'd be doing it solo.

And never again would he entrust someone who he cares about, into ignorant, incompetent arms. Never again will he ever allow any member of the Fatui to watch after his daughter; no matter their rank or position. They had one job while he was away doing business in Liyue. Guard your home twenty-four seven, accompany you into Inazuma's port town should you need anything, watch after his daughter while she plays happily in the luscious Inazuma fields. And they couldn't do that. All he gave them was one simple task, watch and keep you and your daughter safe. Instead, they slacked off, probably drunk in some bar while you were being brutally attacked by murderous mercenaries, left to fend for you and your daughter, only to die protecting her and leave your home to be severely burned.

He knew those idiotic Fatui soldiers were incompetent the moment he stepped foot into the harbor and found that everyone seemed to quiet down. Especially the eerily silent soldiers flanked on each side to welcome him home; he was the highest-ranking soldier in the land of Inazuma after all. Not a single one bothered to step forward and tell him what was wrong, what they all criminally allowed happen. Scaramouche only realized what had happened when he was mere minutes away from arriving home, his daughter had come running from his widowed mother's arms, the sight of smoke rising in the air, from the direction of his home. You were nowhere to be seen.

It all happened so fast, in the blink of an eye. His daughter was clinging to his shirt and his mother only stared with tears of pity.

It didn't take long for the puzzle pieces to be put together and before he knew it, Scaramouche was standing in front of his home, part of it burnt to a crisp and black.

He didn't need to ask what happened, he didn't need to know where you were, because he already knew. What he didn't know was who exactly had done this. But he was going to find out, now.

Incompetent, selfish, bastards. They would all pay for this. The lazy piggish Fatui soldiers who he should've never trusted with such a simple task and the thieves who had murdered you. They all had it rightfully coming.

Scaramouche hates the world after he lost you

he hates it so much and can't understand how this had happened

he's not a good person, so he blames it on karma and those stupid idiots who couldn't protect you

ngl, he's not gonna be around much after your death... his mother would argue that he should be here to raise your daughter, because she's also in pain and doesn't understand that this isn't some game of hide and seek this time

instead, he's focused and driven by revenge

he doesn't listen to a word anybody says, he's much more dangerous than before, and he only trusts his judgment

anyone trying to get him to stop his mission, is someone who doesn't want to see him happy he thinks (though that's not true at all. they hate that he is obsessive over this) but he will personally put a stop to that

and he'll only return home to his daughter and mother when he finds who did this and they along with their bloodline is exterminated

while he's gone, the remainder of his family is relocated somewhere he knows they'll be safe, for example, even though he despises childe, he knows his mom and daughter will be safe with his family

sorry, but Scaramouche will hold this deep-rooted hatred and love for you after you die

yes, he still loves and misses you dearly, but he hates you for leaving him alone, hates that although it wasn't intentional and out of your control, that you were gone

no matter how hard you tried to fight, it was selfish of you to leave him like this

he's not going to stop until he believes whoever was behind this is dead

and in his case, he'll stop believing when he chooses, even if they are innocent/guilty, he'll keep going

3.19.21, rayofsunas

[angelsanarchy]

Alone Together - Eddie/OC One-Shot Series PRT 2

Prt 1

Lunchtime was probably my least favorite part of the day at this point. I had thoroughly planned to keep eating in my car but the guidance counselor started talking to my dad about therapy as I was exhibiting "antisocial tendencies".

The truth was I didn't really feel comfortable anywhere. I walked through the cafeteria and felt like people were hoping I wouldn't sit with them or the eyes of people silently sending sympathy like I was going to drop dead at any moment. I decided I would find a table and start sitting there with headphones on so no one would approach me or try to tell me how "brave" or "strong" I was for just showing up to school and existing.

Keeping my head down in my notebook and tuning everything and everyone out seemed to be working. I felt the weight shift at the table but didn't bother looking up until I saw a ringed hand sneak across the table and steal one of my pretzels. I looked up and Eddie was smiling at me. I shook my head and removed my headphones.

"I'd ask if I can help you but you seem to be helping yourself." I shut my notebook.

"I noticed you were over here trying to blend in with the table so I figured I would sneak a few snacks and check in on you." Eddie smirked, keeping his voice low enough that he didn't draw attention to us. I silently pushed the open bag towards him and he lifted his eyebrow assuring he understood the gesture was welcomed.

"Apparently it's frowned upon to eat in your car so I've been banished to the cafeteria where I can be social and inviting for all those who wish to gawk and feel sorry for me." Eddie leaned across the table.

"Would you like me to make a scene? Take some of those eyes off you for a bit? I'm pretty good at lunchtime chaos." He smirked and I knew he would hop on this table in a heartbeat.

"As noble as that sounds, I think I'll keep it in the back pocket for now. No need to drag you into my self-loathing for the day." I patted his hand graciously.

"As the resident metal head, I feel it's my job to see what you're currently listening to in order to make a decision on our future conversations." Eddie slid my walkman across the table to pop open the cassette deck.

"Journey...bit soft but I suppose it could be much worse. It also suits you." He shut the walkman before stealing another pretzel.

"Suits me? Do tell." I laughed.

"You're a soft badass. You've got this very sweet, quiet demeanor but you've been through shit. You're tough, no matter what these narbos think, you don't need anyone's sympathy or empty words." Eddie had a way about him that could pull the attention to him with loud and dramatic statements but what a lot of people didn't seem to realize was he too had this softness.

"Hey Danielle, is this freak bothering you?" I jumped at the sudden voice behind me and Eddie leaned back from me.

"Don't you have balls to dribble or sermons to conduct?" Eddie fired back.

"Look freak-" I cut them off by standing up, gathering my things, and looking at Jason.

"That's enough. I can handle myself just fine, thanks. Eddie wasn't bothering me, I don't need help and my name is Dani. if you actually knew me beyond what your prayer circles and gossiping mothers say you would know that." Jason looked dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry I didn't know-" I cut him off once more.

"Of course, you don't. No one bothers actually knowing me. They just want to patronize and coddle me like I'm glass. I'm not anyone's charity case and I don't need saving." I raised my voice and now realized everyone was staring.

"Now if no one has anything positive to say I'm going to go back to my original plan and eat in my car." Jason looked embarrassed and backed away quickly with his hands up. Eddie followed me to the door touching my arm to stop me.

"Hey...can I level with you? Stop trying to blend in. It's never going to work. You can try to hide in your notebook or tune everyone out but you are far too superior to be normal Dani Murillo." I felt the blush on my cheeks and tucked my hair behind my ear. I held out the remaining pretzels and he took them awkwardly.

"Thanks...you still owe me a bag of pretzels." He had eaten the majority of the bag so I felt it was a decent way to accept his kindness and not say anything that would make me look stupid. He snorted a laugh before kicking the door open and holding it for me to pass through.

[ghostonly]

FTM Top Surgery Q&A - Installment #4

4-Week Post-Op Recovery and Progress

Welcome to installment #4! If you're new here, I'm currently working on a Q&A / Series combo where I outline my experience with FTM top surgery as a large, disabled guy with ADHD and low income. I'll also answer any questions sent in to me. Currently, I haven't received any questions. If you have any now or when you're done reading this post, feel free to send them to me. I'll be taking questions all the way until May of 2023, when the series should be wrapping up.

If you want to know more about the series, check out the announcement here or visit the installment masterlist here.

If you haven't read the previous installments, I recommend you do, as I'll be introducing terminology there that will be used in this installment.

In this installment, I'll be covering the healing and recovery progress of weeks 3 and 4. This will include the removal of stitches, incision tape, and drains as well as scar care and so on.

Under the cut, there are photos showing the surgical site before it's completely healed. If you're sensitive to scars, injury, blood, or other things that go along with surgery, please continue with caution or let me know you'd like a copy of my commentary without the images.

Various Removals

On day 1 of week 3, I had my 2-week follow-up. This was a very exciting appointment, because it meant getting the rest of the shit attached to me removed!

Tbh, while I was excited to have that over with, I was pretty scared of it hurting and, honestly, with good reason. I'm not going to sugar coat this.

Stitch Removal

The first thing to be removed were the non-dissolvable stitches. There were two on the inside ends of my incisions (I think to hold the ends of the drains tubes in place) and a bunch around the outside of my nipples.

The stitches being removed hurt pretty bad. Someone tugging at plastic stitching that's wound under your skin does not feel great. This is the first time I've had stitches at an age where I remember them, so I didn't know what to expect. I think my expectations were pretty accurate though. The pains were sharp and uh... spicy, you could say.

Incision Tape Removal

So, the stitches coming out didn't feel great. However, the incision tape removal was the worst. Straight up, this was the most painful part of the entire surgery process.

The skin under where I used to have breasts is extremely fragile. Firstly because I probably have EDS, so my skin is wimpy and fragile anyway. Secondly because that fragility in combination with having had large boobs that sweat and chafe meant that that crease of skin was constantly getting damaged from being too dry or too moist combined with friction. It's like raw, underdeveloped skin covered in crepe paper, to paint a vivid picture.

The adhesive on the incision tape is extremely sticky and extremely strong. It's basically glue. I was already tensed up from having the pain of the stitch removal, and then they had to take the tape off.

We can assume each incision is roughly 10 inches long. With no pain meds, no numbing, no anesthetic, I had to sit there for a solid 30 seconds straight while a nurse on either side of me pulled the tape off. I don't know if I've ever sworn that many times for that long of a time in my life.

I would not feel remiss comparing it to torture. They took off at least the top layer of skin (not to the point that it was raw underneath, but it generally hurts to have any amount of skin removed from a layer beneath it if its not totally dead, you feel me?), and in many speck-sized spots, it came off to the raw level. And I just had to sit there and let them.

My chest felt raw and sore for hours after. If you get a prescription for something strong like oxycodone-acetaminophine, save one. Take it a couple of hours before you're scheduled to get your incision tape off. I doubt it will prevent it from hurting like a bitch, but it might do a little something.

-9999/10, would not recommend

Drain Removal

Directly after the tape, it was time for them to remove the drains. You can imagine how I felt about that, having just gone through a straight minute or so of various tortures.

"It's not going to hurt."

Okay, like I haven't heard that before.

It didn't hurt.

I didn't even feel it to be honest. She told me to take a deep breath on the count of 3 and then they both pulled one of the drains out. If there was any sensation at all, I didn't notice it - probably because I was still focused on the burning across the surface of my chest. And the relief was immediate. Like, if we ignore the terrible tape pain, the drains coming out immediately had me feeling better.

Movement and Pain Changes in Week 3

Week 3 was amazing. Started out shitty with the tape removal, but getting all the extra crap off of me made everything so much more comfortable.

Week 3 is when I started to get back to a feeling of Normal in terms of movement and pain. I still occasionally got twinges in my nipples from reaching too far, but I got back to an almost normal range of motion, was able to start sleeping on my sides without the drains causing pain, and resume most of the activity I was doing before surgery (please note this is only because I am not a very active person. Please don't go to the gym or something at week 3 lol)

Chest Upkeep

After everything came off, a new bit of upkeep was added to my routine: bacitracin. On top of using Vaseline gauze on my nipples, I then had to start applying bacitracin (an antibacterial ointment) to my incision 3-5 times a day. It sounds like a lot and like it would be hard to remember but, I actually didn't have a hard time remembering. I didn't count how many times per day I did it, but it was easy to remember to do it repeatedly. Every time the bacitracin dried out/fully absorbed (into either my skin or the bra I was wearing) my chest felt a bit more stiff and uncomfortable. Applying more moistened everything again and made it feel better.

They didn't tell me to, but I found it was also helpful to apply some of the ointment on top of the nipple gauze. Because the gauze is just one layer of meshy material, the ointment goes right through it pretty much, so you can moisturize your nipples and also protect them from bacteria without having to remove the gauze. (There's not necessarily a reason not to remove the Vaseline gauze. I just didn't want to mess with it more than necessary.)

The addition of the ointment on the gauze also helped to kind of re-adhere it to my chest since every few hours is enough time for the edges to dry out and start to come up a bit with any movement that leads to bra/chest friction.

Binder Usage

Because the pain went down so dramatically with the drains gone, the idea of wearing the binder for 6 weeks, as the doctor wanted, became a much more tolerable idea. The pressure and stability is nice most of the time.

However, as much as I wanted to avoid unnecessary swelling that could occur if I don't wear the binder as long as instructed, at the beginning of week 4, I stopped wearing it.

The reason why is because of the construction of the binder. So, you know how it's made up of long, narrow panels that are heavily stitched together? Well, the stitching between the panels began to loosen from use, leaving a gap of a few millimeters between the two panels on one of my half-binders. When pulled across my chest, the panels not being directly next to each other led to higher tension at the center where the panels were separated which, in turn, led to painful imprints right across my nipples and incisions. Not only did this hurt a lot, it seemed like it could cause problems with healing.

So, week 4 being the week where I began to actually feel pretty close to normal, I just said fuck it and stopped wearing it.

Chest Protection Without the Binder

I didn't want to just go from all to nothing. My chest still felt a bit uh... operated on. That is to say, accidental chafing, scratching, or interference with foreign objects scared me still.

So, while I stopped wearing the binder, I did keep wearing my flat-fronted sports bras, which was also good for keeping the gooey bacitracin ointment from getting on my blankets and clothes.

Movement and Pain Changes in Week 4

With the binder out of the picture, everything became even nicer. My range of motion was almost entirely back to normal. Lifting my arms fully up was still a bit too much tension on the ends of my incisions, but they can almost get there.

The twinges in my nipples had stopped by this point. However, the feeling was slowly returning to the incision/scar area. This felt a bit bruise like and didn't feel super nice to touch a bunch, but wasn't much of a bother.

Everyday Changes

Without the binder on, I could wear t-shirts without it being noticeable that there was anything under them anymore, which was super nice!

I went to the grocery store for the first time after surgery and it was unbelievable being able to walk around and focus on things other than my chest, which has been my biggest source of dysphoria.

Scar Healing Progress

Week 3 - 5/11, 5/14, 5/17

Week 4 - 5/20, 5/22, 5/24

Questions for the Future

There are a few things I'm wondering about that I won't be able to find out until some more time has passed.

Do wrinkles near the scar go away?

I assume most of the small wrinkles will smooth out a bit over time. However, I am a little bit concerned about this one (perspective from my POV, looking down):

The wrinkle in the middle of this picture is pretty raised because there was a wider piece of skin above the stitches than below. I wonder if my body will figure out how to shrink that down or if it will look like this forever. I guess we'll see!

Will my nipples become cold sensitive again?

I've been wondering, also, if my nipples will become sensitive to cold again and harden/raise from that, or if they'll remain in this kind of in-between state where they're not flat but they're not hard either. At the moment, they're a bit raised but also totally squishy lol. It's a bit weird, but not a bad thing I suppose

Will this shape be grounds for a revision?

And, finally, something I will probably get an answer to at my 6-week follow-up: is the pointed shape at the back end of my left incision grounds for a revision?

You can see this very clearly in the front-facing picture in the last set. Perhaps not enough fat was taken out there and the skin wasn't cut and pulled tight enough before stitching, so it sticks out weirdly. I'm not really a fan. If it was just an appearance thing, it would be bothersome enough, but I can also feel it and bump into it when moving my left arm. I'm kind of hoping I can get that fixed, as much as I don't relish another operation any time soon.

Here's what it looks like from my POV with my arm down:

Well, that's it for weeks 3 and 4!

I'll leave u with another flat and happy selfie from after my shower the other day

As always, thanks for reading and here's a link back to the masterlist.

[lepusrufus]

Double edged scalpel ch.10

Ch1 ch2 ch3 ch4 ch5 ch6 ch7 ch8 ch9

Summary: scary moms are scary

---

Nicole stilled.

Moms.

Well this just got a million times worse.

Surprisingly enough, Nicole could count on her fingers the times she had crossed paths with either of the Ladies. Lady Dimitrescu was often busy and not bothering with the staff. Most things that needed communicated went through the Steward. Mistress Esteria was, as some would call her, a ghost. She preferred her solitude or time with family so it wasn't unheard of for new staff members to take months before they even see her around the castle. Paired with Nicole's job that had her in the dungeons almost all the time, she never got an actual introduction to either of them.

Not that she complained. It didn't take a genius to realize that both women were to be feared.

I think I'd like to bleed out now.

"What about?" Her voice was barely audible, due to fear or pain was anyone's guess.

"... I don't know." Cassandra's quiet voice mimicked her own.

"Should I assume it is about your um… choice of partners?"

The realization that, to anyone outside Cassandra, she was little more than a maid turned butcher hit Nicole almost as much as the bullet that until not long ago was wedged into her flesh. Would they forbid Cassandra from seeing her? Or perhaps decide that Nicole has committed an unspeakable offense to their family and punish her? She gulped and Cassandra's reply wasn't of much help either.

"I don't know," she repeated.

Nicole sighed, a slow drawn out exhale, all too aware of the pain it would cause otherwise. "When?"

"Soon. They told me to let them know when you wake up."

Nicole just nodded and laid back into the cushions. May as well be comfortable before facing death. But Cassandra didn't move. Instead, she interlocked their fingers and brought Nicole's hand to her lips, leaving a kiss on bony knuckles. They stayed like that, silently, for a full minute before Cassandra got up and, with a be right back, exited the room.

Left alone, Nicole looked down at herself once more. To say she looked awful was an understatement. Definitely not going to rely on appearance to make a good impression. The painkiller was also yet to do its job and any movement still shot jolts of pain through her body. Wonderful.

It wasn't long before the door opened again and Cassandra came in followed by Lady Dimitrescu, her trademark hat making her look even taller and more intimidating than she already was. Immediately behind, Mistress Esteria took light steps, her long white hair flowing behind her like a silky mantle.

They looked so in contrast with each other, and it went beyond the almost opposite color schemes. While the Lady had the expression of a mother about to scold her child for carelessly running up the stairs and scraping a knee, the Mistress looked about to take out the bandaids. Her eyes, blue and gray, looked at her with something akin to kindness.

"What's your name dear?"

God her voice sounded like rivers deep in the forest. Flowing and ancient and just as powerful as she probably was.

"Nicole," she gulped.

The Mistress came to a stop right by the bed, tall frame bending down and grabbing Nicole's chin between two fingers. She moved her head from one side to the other and hummed.

"My my, what a pretty face. You've always had quite the taste in women, love." She looked at Cassandra who only nodded stiffly.

Then, she was up again and moving towards the other matriarch, who by now was sitting in an armchair. The Mistress leaned on the armrest, opting to ignore the many other places to sit and Nicole had to wonder for a moment if they were the clingy type. What an oddly human trait.

A long drag of a cigarette was drawn out before golden eyes finally fell on Nicole and the Lady spoke.

"I was actually surprised to learn about how… deeply Cassandra cares about you. To actually come to me and ask for help saving your life." She narrowed her eyes slightly, just enough for it to be a clear warning. "I sure hope such kindness was not wasted on you."

Sensing where this conversation was going, Nicole groaned internally. Of all things, she would rather not have the break my daughter's heart and I'll break your legs conversation with Cassandra's mothers while a damn hole in her abdomen was still sending waves of pain through her body if she didn't move just right. In her defense, the painkiller was yet to kick in and there's only so much holding her tongue she can do while in pain.

"With all due respect my Ladies, I'd rather throw myself off the highest tower in this castle than pretend to love Cassandra. Have you met her."

That got a snort from the brunette, who quickly masked it with a cough. The Mistress however laughed. A melodic laugh that, in another situation, would be the most soothing thing.

"Oh dear. While the reassurance is appreciated, we do trust Cassandra's judgement."

"For the most part," Lady Dimitrescu added, eyes still narrowed.

"And we would love to have you for dinner soon," the Mistress went on, ignoring the small glare from her wife.

Another drag of the cigarette. "Well anyways. We didn't come here for a welcoming party. We'd like to make you a proposal."

Judging by Cassandra's furrowed brows, she probably knew as little about this as Nicole did. A proposal from Lady Dimitrescu could either be wonderful news or a death sentence. She couldn't help a gulp when the Lady continued.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do care about my staff. At least those who prove themselves useful." The cigarette was finally done and now Nicole had the luck of having her full attention. "And, as you may have guessed, medical training is not particularly common around here. I do happen to want a castle physician, a position that could be filled by someone skilled that also has a good reason to do a good job and be loyal to my family."

Wait what-

Nicole blinked in confusion, an expression mimicked by Cassandra. Did she mean…?

Lady Dimitrescu raised an eyebrow. "Do you accept?"

"Y- yes." The words spilled from her mouth without a second thought. And why would she have second thoughts after all?

Lady Dimitrescu watched her for a long moment. Then, when she seemed pleased with her findings, she rose to her feet.

"Very well. We will discuss the technicalities once you're in a better state. Now try not to bleed out before you even start your job. And," she sighed, "you are expected at dinner as soon as you're able to join us."

The last part caused her wife's lips to turn into a warm smile. The Lady simply turned around and ducked out of the room while Mistress Esteria lingered by Cassandra. She whispered something only the brunette could hear and then leaned in to kiss her forehead. The Mistress had a couple inches on Cassandra, which meant she was towering over Nicole. Then, with a smile in her direction, she too was out of the room, leaving only the two of them to stare at the door in disbelief.

"Well that went… well."

"Oh for the love of Mother Miranda," Cassandra sighed in relief, hands running through her hair.

Her shoulders lost their tension when she came to sit by Nicole's side, a smile now present on thin black lips.

"Your mothers seem… lovely women."

"Shut up you were scared shitless."

There goes Nicole's attempt at being polite. Not that Cassandra was wrong by all means, but part of her wanted to be on good terms with her lover's family. Maybe it was simply due to her relationship with the brunette, maybe it was due to how her own family never seemed to care much for each other. Not the way the Dimitrescus did, despite how they were seen as monsters by most outside eyes. She didn't let herself dwell on it, instead she took one of Cassandra's hands and started to play with slender fingers.

"Are you hungry? I can ask Cynthia to fix something for you."

Nicole smiled at the effort to make her feel better. She would never get tired of seeing Cassandra's caring and gentle side, especially when she knew how ruthless she could be otherwise.

"In a bit. I'm waiting for the painkiller to fully kick in so I can actually sit up."

Cassandra nodded and looked to the side, seemingly lost in some kind of thought. Nicole wanted to ask what got the brunette pensive all of a sudden, but before she could, golden eyes snapped back to her.

"Also. Don't you dare jump in front of a bullet for me ever again. It wouldn't have hurt me anywhere near as much as it hurt you."

There was a subtle growl in her voice that would have scared any other person. But Nicole recognized how the anger was just veiled worry at how much worse their situation could’ve gotten.

"Sorry. I just saw him with the gun and panicked." There was a reason she didn't pursue her father's idea of becoming a surgeon after all, and pissing him off was only part of it. "And I'm glad you didn't get hurt at all."

Cassandra narrowed her eyes, but her expression quickly softened. The big bad sadist couldn’t stay mad at her lover and Nicole almost teased her about it, but a gloved hand slowly caressing her cheek stopped her.

“I’m just happy you’re alive.”

[ficsandgiggles]

Thumb Wars

I’m dedicating this fic to my really close friend, @tickleeteases. I miss you so so much and I know you received some sucky news recently, so I wrote this with you in mind so I hope it cheers you up!

"Okay yeah, you're both strong and powerful members of the team, but there's no way you'd be able to beat the guys in an arm wrestling match." You told Nat and Wanda with a shrug, sipping your mocktail casually as you sat between the pair. 

You pointed at Wanda, "You wouldn't be allowed to use your magic, leaving you to just be a sweetie pie which no one would dare to hurt, and you..." You pointed at Nat, cheekily poking her nose. "You may be super determined to beat them, but your super cool spy skills would be no match for Steve or Bucky." 

Nat and Wanda looked at each other with raised eyebrows. The three of you were spending some much needed time together and it was great, you watched a few films and had a couple of drinks, you managed to sneak a sip of Nat's cocktail since Wanda and Nat swore to Tony that you wouldn't drink. But other than that, you were having a great time.

"Fine, maybe not an arm wrestle, but a thumb war would be a different story." Nat replied as Wanda nodded in agreement. "Absolutely, these thumbs could destroy anyone." She said with a smirk, wriggling her thumbs, which somehow made you squirm at the sight of them.

You didn't mind being tickled at all, only Bucky had tickled you so far out of all of the Avengers, but you wouldn't complain if Wanda and Nat decided to attack you there and then, but you doubted it would happen, so you just shrugged it off and continued to playfully argue with them.

"Are you kidding? I've seen Steve's thumb lift weights!" You argued with a giggle, picturing a thumb lifting weights at the gym. Wanda just rolled her eyes, chuckling fondly.

"Sometimes it's not about strength, it's about technique." Nat added. "You need to trick the contestant into thinking you're going to go one way, when you're actually going the other, and that's when you attack!" She announced, suddenly grabbing your hand and clasping it quickly, before using her thumb to gently squish your thumb down, making you whine and shove her away.

"Fine... then what about.." You hesitated for a moment, considering if you should suggest a tickle fight. Your face flushed, deciding to push it to one side for now. "A pillow fight?"

Suddenly, you felt a soft pillow whack your face, sending you flying down onto the bed, gasping as you looked up to see Wanda and Nat laughing and high fiving each other. 

"That point definitely goes to us." Nat chuckled, exchanging a look with Wanda before they suddenly turned to face you with huge smirks on their faces. You didn't even notice Wanda using her powers to hold your arms over your head. "You want to know what other fight we can easily annihilate everyone at?" Nat asked, teasingly walking her fingers towards your exposed body.

Your eyes widened, 99% sure you knew what was about to happen, you shook your head as nervous giggles poured out of you, watching as Nat loomed over you.

"Well, we can at least crush you at a tickle fight." Nat smirked before drilling her fingers into your ribs, watching you fall into a fit of giggles. You couldn't help but thrash around as much as you could as you burst into high pitched giggles. "Aww! I knew our little Y/N would be ticklish!" Wanda teased as she sat on your legs and skittered her nails behind your knees, smiling fondly as you let out a squeal whilst trying to buck Wanda off. 

"GUHUHUHUHUYS!" You screeched, arching your back and cackling with laughter as you felt Nat scribble into your armpits. The fact that you couldn't pull your arms down made things a million times worse, but you didn't mind, and you knew that Nat and Wanda would know when to stop, you trusted them with your life, which they had actually saved multiple times.

"What? It's not like you can argue here! We're totally kicking your butt at this!" Nat teased, smiling fondly at you as Wanda moved to scribble into your soles, smirking as this caused you to shriek out with laughter. You helplessly shook your head and weakly pulled at your arms and legs.

"Wow, you really are ticklish!" Wanda gasped as she was quick to give you a break from the feet tickles by moving to join Nat at your upper body. She knelt beside you and spidered her fingers across your belly, the simple motion made you squeal and let out fits of bubbly laughter.

"NOHOHOHOHO I'M NOHOHOHOHOT!" You argued, arching your back once again to try and get a break from the tickles. A bright crimson blush spread across your cheeks as you shook your head and giggled adorably.

"You're not? Then what's this?" Nat asked, scribbling her nails all over your neck, smirking as she watched you attempt to scrunch your shoulders up to try and get rid of the sensation. 

"It seems like you're pretty ticklish to me, Y/N." Nat continued with a fond smile. She loved seeing you so care-free like this, it didn't happen often, but it was precious when it did. Both Nat and Wanda were certain that this was going to happen again to let you feel more free for a bit.

"I DOHOHOHON'T KNOHOHOHOW!" You yelped, continuing to squeal and squirm. "YOHOHOHOU'RE MEHEHEHEAN!" 

"We're mean? I'll show you mean, courtesy of my brother." Wanda announced as she slipped your top up, wasting no time in blowing a huge raspberry on your stomach, causing to to basically scream with laughter.

"AHAHAHALRIHIHIHIHIGHT! YOU'RE NOT MEHEHEAN JUST STOHOHOP!" You yelled, curling up as you felt both Nat and Wanda let go of you, allowing you to shove your shirt down and curl up, still letting out ghost giggles. 

"I-I can't.... why...?" You managed to get out as you still tried to recover, but you couldn't help but smile when you felt Wanda sit you up and pull you into a hug.

"You needed that laugh, Y/N, you've been so down in the dumps recently, we had to do something." Nat told you as she rubbed your arm soothingly. You nodded in response, not really complaining with that explanation since all of it was true. 

"Well, thank you..." You mumbled out quietly with a shy blush, hiding your face in Wanda's shoulder as both women smiled gently at you. 

"You're very welcome, Y/N, now let's go and kick some guys butts at a thumb war." Nat told you before the three of you stood up, heading out happily.