#came back from my social media detox just to post this

[aprilmr]

No way

[russellsppttemplates]

Just say the word (Max Verstappen)

A secret relationship is hard enough to deal with when you don't have people constantly shipping your boyfriend with someone else

Note: english is not my first language. This is the first time I'm writing athlete!reader, so I thought about the sports I know better and swimming seemed fitting for what I wanted!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: secret relationship

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"You're alone today, Y/N?", one of the other girls, Ella, asked as you retrieved your waterproof workout plan sheet from the folder.

"I'm going away tomorrow and I won't be back until Monday morning, so I squeezed in my Saturday session now; Carol is coaching with the younger group today later", you explained the fact that you were at the pool without your coach.

At first, swimming was an after school activity since your parents worked long hours and they needed you to be occupied and somewhere with someone looking after you, but as you grew older, your passion for the activity became more serious. Combined with your natural skill and hard work - and, truth be told, a dust of luck from deep pocket sponsors - you were able to become a full time swimmer. Tokyo 2020 Olympics was the proudest moment of your career as you stepped on the podium next to two of the people you looked up to the most, wondering if you were ever going to stand in the top step and hear your national anthem play. Baby steps - Carol told you immediately - this is already a huge achievement, Y/N!

"Do you want to stretch together?", Ella wondered, throwing a foam roller for you to catch once you nodded and getting one for herself.

"Where are you off to this weekend?", she asked curiously. You were playing a risky game, you knew that much, going away only on weekends and travelling to countries where, coincidentally, the Formula One Grand Prix was being held.

Luckily for you, no one seemed to make the connection as the last two years you managed to keep your relationship a secret. You first met Max in a sponsor party at the beggining of your professional career when you needed to up your earnings as the costs of travelling to competitions was getting higher and heavier on your savings. It fell through, but other sponsors came your way and you and Max started hanging out after it. The Dutch driver was funny and charming and after winning your first Olympic medal, you felt unstoppable and confessed your feelings for him. When he admitted he felt the same for you, you went from there on. At first, the decision to keep it secret was both strategic, as Max didn't want you to miss out on any sponsorships or teams backing you because you were in a relationship with him, and personal as he didn't want the world's prying eyes on your relationship.

Two years later, you felt like there had never been a right time to do it so things stayed the way they were, and most of the time, you didn't mind it.

"Austria", you kept the city to yourself as you worked on your hips as they were still tight from yesterday.

"Didn't you go there last year?", she quirked an eyebrow.

"Last year, I had more of a city break weekend, this time around I'm going for a nature approach, you know? No phones, no Internet, digital detox and all of that", you offered, doubling up the excuse so she wouldn't expect to see and Instagram stories or posts from your weekend away.

"Sounds nice! It can really get in your head when you're too long on them - I have a timer on my phone because otherwise I won't even notice the amount of time I spend on social media", she smiled before silently asking if she could take the foam rollers back to their box.

Getting yourself on the water and used to the temperature, you started with your usual warm up routine before following the plan you stuck to the platform.

On some days, the session felt quick, before you knew, the other athletes were already stretching and getting prepped for their own session. Today, it seemed like it would never end, as you looked at the clock and only fifteen minutes had gone by since the last time you checked it. At least your times were improving, you thought, drinking some water before going back to practice your butterfly stroke as dictated by the workout sheet.

It was already evening time when you sat down on your bedroom floor, packing everything you had laid out to take on your trip with you when your phone rang.

"Hey, liefje", Max said as his face showed up on your screen, "how was your day?".

"Good. Had training in the morning, then a physio session because my hips kept hurting, and I found some time to buy a replacement for my moisturiser before I came home to have dinner and pack", you showed him the suitcase, "and you? The car seems good, a nice gap to the others as well", you mused.

"The same old Friday, really. Woke up, came to the track, a little debrief with Alice and then we headed to the track. Only tomorrow will tell, but I'm confident on the pole", he smiled, "can't wait to have you here with me and see your gorgeous face up close".

"You can see it now", you ridiculed as you rested your chin on your phone and looked into the camera so Max could have an interesting angle of your features, "beautiful, am I right?", you joked.

"The most beautiful", he complimented, "are you nearly done packing?", he wondered.

"Yes, just my charger and a few other last minute things left - I'll put them in my backpack tomorrow morning", you reasoned.

"You better get to sleep, your flight is early", your boyfriend encouraged, "I really need it - a proper shower first and then I'll go to bed", you assured, "I love you, Max, see you tomorrow", you blew him a kiss.

"I love you too, gorgeous! Text me updates from your flight, okay?", he smiled, smooching his lips for you to see before you ended the videocall.

The shower helped you unwind for the night, a little list on your kitchen counter to remember you of the last minute things as you turned off the lights and got back to your bedroom, your bed waiting for you so you could sleep a decent amount of hours.

Sitting on the waiting area of the airport, you placed your backpack on your legs and rested your elbows there, grabbing your phone to scroll through social media.

Ella was right, people did spend too much time on these. Everyone around you seemed to be on their phone or tablet devices.

A photo of your boyfriend showed up in your explore page, a fan page showing his walking back to the garage after FP1 and Alice was trailing right beside him.

Scrolling through the carrousel of pictures, you found a small video of them laughing together about something. The comments under it were the same as usual.

No one can convince me they're not together!😌 (to be read as I know I'm delulu)

If they're not, I'll volunteer to show them how good they would be for eachother! 🫣

Such a power couple 😮‍💨🥵

When they finally knock some sense into eachother's head and realise they're meant to be together, I'm claiming them as my parents! 🥹

No matter how many times you saw it, it never got easier. For all everyone knew, Max was single, so they weren't acting as a disregard of you. They didn't knew a regard of you to begin with. So they took interest in his love life and hoped he was in a relationship with some of the women he interacted with. Max usually didn't let many of them start to begin with, but Alice worked for the team, he could only get so far away and be distanced from her.

Max wouldn't cheat on you, you knew that. But the comments made you wonder. Would he be better off with someone else? Someone who could follow him anywhere?

The thoughts often plagued your mind, and they hadn't yet turned to the your other insecurities, so you had to be thankful for that.

Boarding on the plane, you played some music on your earbuds as you fished out your kindle to continue reading the book you started at the beggining of the week.

The buzz was installed on track as you found your spot in the stands just in time to see the marshalls tidying up whatever was left on the concrete so qualifying could start without a hitch.

This was usually how you did it. On Saturday, you would watch qualifying from the stands, waiting a little in the fan zone before Max whisked you into the hospitality with Gianpiero's help. On Sunday, you either stayed on the stands and repeated the same procedure or you arrived early to the track and stayed in his driver's room so to not lift any suspicions. You had been invited to watch a few races with the Paddock Club pass with some of the other Olympic athletes, but it hadn't happened in a while.

To anyone, you were a regular fan. You had your RedBull cap on and sunglasses, and you had never been recognised in one of the races, so you felt calm. The tricky bit of keeping your relationship hidden from the public eye was going to be later, for now, you could just wait and appreciate the fast laps.

"I'm sorry, you're Y/N Y/L/N, right?", a girl in a Ferrari cap called your name. Crap.

"Hi, I am", you smiled, "I'm sorry to ambush you like this - I am a big fan and you're a big inspiration to me. I also swim", she reasoned as she fumbled with her phone, "do you mind if my father takes a picture of us?", she politely asked.

"That's okay, yes", you smiled, taking off your sunglasses briefly as the older man snapped a picture before he shook your hand, "she won't shut up about your achievements! Did you tell Ms. Y/L/N that you're going to be in the qualifiers for Paris?".

"It's Y/N, please", you requested, "That's fantastic, congratulations! I hope it all works out for you and I'll see you around there!", you hugged her quickly before she thanked you and found their seats.

She seemed nice enough and it wasn't like you were a public figure, at least to the general public anyway really, so between all of the people who could've spotted you, she was fine.

"C'mon Max!", you yelled as he and Charles seemed to be separated by a few tenths of a second, cheering loudly when the times were set and your boyfriend got the pole position.

The timing was perfect as Max took a little longer than expected on his interviews, fans scattering to the fanzone and track experiences while you spotted Max's engineer, walking with him when no one seemed to be paying attention to it.

"I'll tell Max you're already here", he smiled before he closed the door of the driver's room.

It always felt a little odd. Like you were doing something forbidden and illegal by being there.

"Yes, we'll meet in a bit", Max told whoever was in the corridor after he opened the door, closing it back when you jumped on him, legs wrapping around his waist, "hey, pole sitter", you smirked, nuzzling your face on his neck and kissing the soft skin.

"Hello, liefje", he mumbled against your skin before you pulled away, "kiss?", you asked for his lips to settle on yours for a bit, filling up on eachother's presence.

"No one saw you come here?", he asked. You shook your head, "everybody was paying attention to other things, the only people I encountered already know so we're safe", you stated.

Max noticed the change of tone, but you wouldn't have time to properly discuss it so he let it slide for now, telling you instead about the session and how the car felt, as well as the dinner plans her had for you since the room service menu was "so varied we could make our own little buffet".

You stayed in the room while he had the debrief, leaving together when you made sure no one would see you two.

"Room service called back, they said they'll bring the food in ten minutes", Max said as you got out of the bathroom, dressed in pyjamas and fresh out of the shower, "That's good, I'm starving", you smiled as you sat down.

Max always received the food at the door to ensure no prying eyes would see something he didn't want, along with other precautions like packing up all your things in case someone from housekeeping enjoyed the gossip and took the rumours somewhere else.

"I know something is bothering you", Max began you had taken a piece of chicken to your much, "I noticed it when we were in my room, and even now there's something", he nudged your arm.

Chewing and swallowing afterwards, you moved the broccoli around your plate, gathering your thoughts before speaking up, "do you know people ship you and Alice?", you spoke up.

"Don't change the subject, darl - is that it?", Max tried to understand.

"People seem to think you'd make a great couple, like, they have your whole relationship panned out. Everyone thinks she's very pretty - and I agree with them -, and that you two have chemistry and that it would be nice for you to be with her - looks exchanged and all sorts of ideas", you mumbled.

"Liefje, I'd never do that to you, I don't interact with her that way", Max replied instantly.

"I know you don't, but it hurts to see", you admitted, "comments people make about my boyfriend and how he really should start dating someone - and they know who that person is, so really it's just a matter of putting two and two together!", you let a tear fall down your cheek.

"Y/N, I didn't know it was bothering you so much and bringing you such sadness", Max cupped your cheek, thumb wiping the tears that followed suit and looking into your eyes.

"I can ask the team to issue or statement - or we can go public. I don't care what we do as long as you feel better about it", he comforted.

"Do you want to go public?", you asked, afraid of the answer.

"Y/N, my love, being secret was just to protect you, for your good. If going public is the solution for this, I'm the first one to walk into the paddock tomorrow with you, holding hands and everything", he moved his hands to cradle your own.

"You mean that? It's just, I don't want people to assume you're single and throw themselves at you - or throw someone at you! I know Alice won't do it, but other people might and I'm tired of having to lie to people about where I'm going and saying no to dates they try to set up and why I gave a RedBull rain jacket on my car", you chuckled at the last one, remembering your coach's reaction when she saw it, "Since when do you follow F1?", Carol questioned.

"We'll do it tomorrow if you want, or whenever you feel ready, Y/N. I'll be by your side, always", he smiled kissing your lips lovingly.

"I don't have any paddock wag outfits with me", you giggled, "have to make a good impression".

"Please, you could go in these pyjamas and you'd still be the prettiest woman there", he pulled you to sit on his lap as you finished your dinner.

The next morning, people couldn't believe their eyes as Max walked hand in hand with a young woman, the pair of them talking about something between them as they giggled.

A few were unsure of it was really you while others asked their colleagues to please repeat your name, googling you quickly and finding out your achievements.

Soon enough, pictures flowed social media with the paddock's new power couple, gossip Instagram pages having a field day and it wasn't even lunch time.

"This is news", Daniel said as he spotted Max. He had been one of the few people outside of the team who knew about you two, you having made him swear that he would never tell anyone, and if by chance he did let something slip, you trusted him to make a joke out of it and for people to assume he was just teasing Max indeed.

"You won't have to keep it to yourself anymore, Danny", you said as you hugged his side quickly.

"That's good, actually, I think that's what has been keeping me from being focused in racing, it's a real relief, Y/N", he stated and for two seconds, you felt bad for putting such pressure on him, "I'm just kidding! C'mon, you know what I'm like", he gave you a big smile, "now, I have to go, will pop by to see you though!", Daniel said as he waved while he carried on to his team's garage.

Your interactions with Daniel and the team spurred curiosity as the media started thinking and hypothesizing that maybe your relationship was as new as they thought it was. As it turns out, once again, Max Verstappen knew how to keep private aspects away from the media.

For now, they would try to dig more and find out how the Olympic medalist swimmer stole the heart of the Formula One driver.

[businessprincess]

I am back, and I am better.

Wow, what a ride 2023 was. We achieved our goals and came out smarter and stronger.

The last post I created was 02/21/2023, when I started my 40-day social media detox. I took it a bit too serious, because I restrained myself from using social media way longer than those 6 weeks - simply because it was one of the most refreshing experiences I have made so far - but also because my year early on was quite turbulent and I needed the time to fully focus on myself. That being said, I would like to take the opportunity and reflect on my highs and lows of 2023 as well as set my New Year's goals straight for 2024. This is going to be a personal post - view my New Years Goals as something that might inspire you to pursue certain areas in your life as well. <3

My lows.

My grandfather died. I loved him dearly, and he was my last grand parent to be alive.

My boyfriend and I had a one month "no talk" break that was initiated by him; he came back and we are on good terms again. However, I've been since then seriously questioning our relationship, and things haven't been the same, at least for me.

I've met some great people this year, but also some that turned out to be false friends.

Despite my social media detox, I have found myself quite a lot on YouTube again lately. It is distracting me from important tasks and my goals and always leaves me unmotivated and mentally drained.

Since moving abroad for my Master's, I feel like I am losing connections to my old friends. This, combined with the fact that I have moved around a lot in the past three years, makes me miss deep relationships and deep conversations.

My highs.

I achieved my goal and enrolled in my dream Master's, a highly selective program with connections to very prestigious companies.

I secured a VC internship, just as I had planned.

I achieved excellent grades at uni and outperformed myself - in all subjects (except for one unfortunately, which was, however, a disaster for everyone).

I had the privilege to travel Europe and stay in the finest hotels.

My relationship with my body and mind have never been better. Ironically, it was specifically during the one month break with my boyfriend that I have taken self-care very seriously and my self-confidence has reached an all-time high during this time.

My social media detox. For most of 2023, I haven't been on Instagram anymore, allowing me to fully focus on my life and goals. And it paid off. The mental clarity I've gained is insane.

My goals for 2024.

Finance.

To keep track of my finances, set a budget, avoid making unnecessary purchases and increase my income.

To take my investments more seriously and start investing my money - otherwise it will just lose value. I have done it in the past, but I have not pursued it as thoroughly as I want it to be pursued.

To be more smart with my money. One of my worst financial habits was to defer certain purchases to the last minute (e.g. booking flights), in the end spending more money than actually necessary. Rich people don't get rich by wasting money. You get rich by keeping it and investing it wisely - into yourself and your future.

Beauty

To take care of my outer appearance every day and invest in good skin scare that will benefit me in the future as well.

To take care of my nails - I've never been to a nail salon before as I keep my nails rather short, without polish. My goal is to keep nice looking, natural nails throughout the year, done by a nailtech.

To elevate my style and get rid of old clothes that no longer serve me. Donate or sell them. Never underestimate the power of good looks - for every aspect in your life. Love, worklife, personal life. Like it or not - pretty privilege exists.

(Mental) Health

To keep my self-compassion and self-confidence high and put myself first, as I should; but to never become vain and self-absorbed.

To care for my body and regularly work out. My goal is to become phsyically stonger and increase flexibility; a lean body is great, but the goal is to continue becoming the fittest and healthiest version of myself. Everything else follows.

To reduce my phone usage, specifically social media, to 2h / day maximum. Your body is your temple, your mind the director of your life. Make sure to care for it - your future self will thank you.

Academics & Career

To keep full focus on my studies, attend lectures, pre- and post prepare lectures and stay on top of my assignments. My goal is to keep my GPA high and always strive to outperform myself.

To secure a summer internship that will help boost my career.

To be more bold and network with people more - in the end, everything is about good connections. Never underestimate your abilities. You are smart and strong - you wouldn't be where you are right now, had you not worked hard in the past. Your place in the world is deserved. You are an independent woman - ain't no man telling us what to do.

Personal Growth

To declutter. To get rid of old things that no longer serve me and create fresh space for good things to enter.

To become more confident on social media and post more frequently. It doesn't matter what others think of us - why would we care? Besides, I live an exciting life - sharing my moments might inspire other to aim high as well.

To start my own small business. To just start. I have so many ideas, yet have never started one of them. Progress over perfection. Fail fast, learn and move on. 2024 is the year we finally start our business.

To connect more. Yes, I am incredibly busy but nobody should wait for my response for TWO MONTHS. Reply faster, dare to reach out more. Leverage your connections.

To allow myself for conscious time-off. During stressful periods, I tend to focus on work and uni only. This is not productive. There needs to be time for sports, meeting friends and self-care. 2024 is the year we prioritize having free-time as well - it is incredibly important for a healthy brain and increased productivity. 2023 was amazing for my personal growth, and 2024 will be even more so. Let's do this.

I have created a very detailed Notion page with all my goals for 2024, broken down into why I want to achieve them, when I will have achieved them and what steps need to be undertaken to achieve them. What you see above is just a part of it - it is important that you make your goals SMART as well (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound) in order to hold yourself accountable and have a clear vision of where you are going.

I highly recommend you do the same - visualizing and writing down your goals are such powerful and important steps to achieve your goals.

Much love to you all. May 2024 be your year!

BusinessPrincess

[hairbymarianne]

Hair Color correction

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[theamethystvampiress]

I really wish someone would tell Douglas Booth to shut up and go away. He literally effed-off and never came back to IG the same way after his Big Stupid Engagement.

Don’t get me wrong; I was so happy for him at first, but then he just couldn’t quit with constantly flaunting his relationship in people’s faces, he became thoroughly OBSSESSED with other people’s kids, he quit taking roles and investing in his career.

And that impromptu “digital detox” that literally worried sick all his fans. We had no warnings, we had no clues. He just deactivated his account, went on vacation and we never heard from him....until November of 2021. And what did he say? Well, he gloated about how he got a new puppy, spent time with family/friends, welcomed a new nephew into the world, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Good for you, Douglas. 

(And for the record: the “digital detox” doesn’t even really count, considering the entire time he was off, you could see the post numbers in his feed MULTIPLYING like a zoo gone wild on his private account.)

And to make matters worse, when he DOES post, it’s like the most lackluster post on IG. 

And I forgot to mention his stuffiness about hating social media and how social media doesn’t matter and it isn’t important, and how he invests in his “real” life.

We get it, we get it.

Also, when he DOES post, he tends to pop in to recommend his fans donate to charities. He puts in ZERO EFFORT to keep his fans, yet here he is hitting them up for money for charities. 

No, Douglas John Booth, why don’t YOU donate your stupid money to charities. A vast majority of us are living paycheck to paycheck or scrounging for our lives. YOU live in London, YOU go to Glastonbury Festival every year, YOU wear hard-to-pronounce designer clothes, why don’t YOU donate some money? I refuse to believe you don’t have it to give.

I’m sorry for lighting up like that, it’s just he barely posts anymore, and I get sick of him trying to pretend to be some self-righteous activist who donates money.

(For the record, I LOVE charities and foundations that donate to good causes and help people and animals and places around the world. I can’t begin to express my love and support for making the world a better place. I just disagree with nepo/trust fund babies who advise people living well below a spoiled british twat’s paycheck to donate and give when it might not be financially possible at that time in their life. :D)

Also, sorry to my followers who remember me as a fan of his, because I am no longer a Douglas Booth fan and I feel like this post perfectly addressed this.

Love to all.

93

[thebookishlydiaries]

It is a very long time since I've posted on here 😂.

I just came back from a really long technology detox. A holiday to Greece with little to no technology or social media for 2 weeks and I feel pretty great 😊

It was unusual and strange to begin with but by the 3rd and 4th day I was picking up my phone less and less, no longer feeling a need to scroll mindlessly through Instagram or Tumblr or Youtube. I was just in the moment, enjoying the sun, reading books, swimming.

And I feel incredible. That's not to say I haven't had a few wobbles, I definitely have. Yesterday was one of the biggest, but I'm still happy, just remembering how to stand strong and cope with it all without burying it leaving it to build up over time.

I'm looking to the future instead of the past, with both a new mindset and a fresh point of view.

University? Bring it on 💪

[avenging-fandoms]

Pumpkin Eater

*requested by anonymous *hey bebs 💕 could you write something where chris cheated on the reader and he sees her with sebastian and gets jealous 🥺 *in which y/n and chris were engaged to be married in 7 months, but she caught him cheating. leaving her homeless, her friend sebastian let her stay with him. *warning: angst, cheating, mentions of sex, drinking, fluff *PLEASE send me requests!!!!! i can do whoever :)

MASTERLIST

this is going to be a series!!

“oh my fucking god” you breathed and dropped your bags, the door hitting the wall catching the attention of chris and the girl on top of him. “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” they both scrambled and she got her clothes on fast, running out the door.

chris wrapped himself in the blanket, shaking his head and putting his hand up. "yn, i promise, this wasn't supposed to happen"

"oh bullshit, chris! did you think i wouldn't find out? my god, chris, we're fucking engaged!" you ran your fingers through your hair, chris still tightening the blanket around his waist. "4 years. 4 years down the drain, for what? for some fun?" your lip quivered and you shook your head.

"yn, please, i can explain" you scoff, running your tongue over your lips as you shift your weight to one leg with your arms across your chest as you looked at him.

"you can explain what? you cheated! there's no fucking excuse!" you exclaim, grabbing a bag from the closet and shoving random articles of clothes in it, as well as the ones you just bought.

"where are you going? no, please don't leave" chris begged and grabbed your wrist, and you chuckle as you ripped it out of his grip.

"if you don't want me to leave, you shouldn't have cheated and had some random girl riding your dick. i'm calling off the wedding" you threw the ring at his chest and slammed the bedroom door behind you. you shoved the bag into the back of your car, starting your car and gripping the steering wheel. you squeezed your eyes shut and leaned your forehead onto the wheel, your shoulders shaking as you sob.

your phone started to ring and you took a deep breath, sniffling and taking a few breaths before answering it. your elbow leaned against the door, eyes closed with your fingers against your forehead. "hey yn!" sebastian beamed over the phone and you smile softly, feeling a little better to hear how happy he sounded.

"you called at literally the best time. is it alright if i come over?"

"sure! door's unlocked, i've got drinks in the fridge, i'll see you soon then!" you said your goodbyes and hung up the phone, putting it away and blasting music as you drove off to sebastian's.

-

30 minutes later you pulled into sebastian's driveway and turned down the music before shutting off your car. you grabbed your bag and took a breath before sulking over to his door. you knocked softly and tapped your toes together as you waited for sebastian to open the door. you heard his footsteps and the door swung open, your puffy eyes meeting his sweet, bright smile.

"hey doll! oh no, why are you sad?" your lip quivered after the question and you let out a sob, sebastian catching you as you fell into him, he scrunches his eyebrows confused and wraps his arms around you.

"i-i caught him in bed-" sebastian shushed you softly and held your head, bringing you and your bag inside his house.

"you don't have to tell me anything until you're ready, okay? i'll be here to listen. for now, i'll just hold you until you have no more tears" he smiled and kissed your head, the both of you sitting on the couch. he put your legs over his lap, comforting you. you hiccuped once you stopped crying, playing with the hem of sebastian's shirt.

"he was in bed.. with that bitch i asked about a couple months ago" you sighed and sebastian scoffed, shaking his head.

"what did he say before? when you asked about her before" sebastian rubbed your arm and you laughed.

"an old hometown friend who moved to california. and i believed it, even though i met all his friends from home"

"what an asshole, you don't deserve that" sebastian whispered and kissed your forehead, making you smile.

"and.. with me being over here now, if it's not any incon-"

"yes, you are more than welcome to stay. my guest bedroom is finally finished" you smile and hug him tightly, sebastian rubbing your back. "love you yn"

"love you more, seb, thank you" you whisper and snuggle your cheek into his shoulder.

the next day sebastian helped you pack your things from the house you and chris shared. you guys put some boxes in storage and some boxes to sebastian's house. chris came back to the house as you closed the trunk of your car.

"yn? hey, please listen to me" chris begged and and you clicked your seatbelt in the passenger seat.

"she's not talking to you right now. you hurt her, very bad, chris" sebastian glared, backing up and getting into the driver's seat. chris yelled things about you getting with sebastian as payback but it was muffled. sebastian reached over and grabbed your thigh and you shook your head as you placed your hand on top of his.

"i told myself i wouldn't cry about it anymore.. but i can't help it" you sniffled and at a red light, sebastian wiped the tears from your cheeks.

"you're allowed to be sad, yn. it's your choice how long you want to be sad, no one else's, okay?" he whispered and you nodded, kissing his palm and you widened your eyes.

"sebastian, i didn't mean to do that" you rambled on and he chuckled, holding your wrists and kissing each knuckle and your palms. "oh" you sighed, dropping your shoulders and sebastian looked up at you through his eyelashes.

"see? don't be sorry, it's comforting" he smiled and you nodded slowly, licking your lips. "you want to go somewhere to eat?" you nodded and he sat the right way again. luckily there was no one behind you two because you sat through a green light. the light turned green again and he took off, heading to the place you wanted to eat before heading to his house.

sebastian pulled into his driveway and opened your door for you. you think him as he takes your hand into the house. "are there any.. house rules?"

"uhm.. food is free reign, bathroom upstairs, the guest room is right across from- what's wrong?" you rubbed your arm and shrugged, looking around the house then meeting sebastian's eyes.

"i didn't mean to make your life any more crazy" you apologize to him and stare at your toes.

"hey, look at me" sebastian said but you refused. he held your chin softly and tilted your face up to look at him. "you could never be a burden to me, i promise. i've always wanted a roommate who wasn't crazy"

"well.. i'm pretty crazy now" you smiled and he laughed, shaking his head.

"no, definitely not. chris is crazy for cheating on an amazing, smart, sexy girl like you" he grinned and your cheeks felt hot. "there's that shy smile"

"you think i'm sexy?" i whisper, stepping a little closer to sebastian.

"who wouldn't?" he whispered back, his mouth inches from yours. "goodnight yn"

"goodnight seb" he kissed your forehead and headed to his room. you sighed contently with a smile on your face, heading to the guest room. it was still scattered with some boxes, the closet half filled with clothes and the dresser topped with a mirror and a tv.

you got ready for bed and cuddled tight under the sheets, deleting the new texts you got from chris about the cheating, about sebastian, about everything. you went on social media, which is a bad idea after a break up. 'chris evans' was trending, and it was filled with thousand of tweets about the break up. your chest felt heavy and it felt like your throat was closing. "seb..seb.." you ripped the blankets off of you and you knocked on his door frantically.

"come in" you swung the door open and he dropped his clothes in his hamper. "what's wrong, doll?"

"they're a-all talking about it" you cried in choppy breaths, sebastian's eyebrows furrowing. you handed him your phone and he scrolled through the tweets, shaking his head and putting your phone next to his on the nightstand. "h..how did they find out?! i didn't post anything, remove any pictures, or say anything about you. how is it out?!"

"apparently he let it slip in an interview. plus i guess he confided in the wrong person and they told the press" sebastian rubbed your back and you let out a soft cry, falling into him. "you're going on a social media detox. i'm going to take your phone for a couple days and we're going to enjoy the world, okay?" you nod and sniffle, nodding and wiping your cheeks with his thumbs.

"i'm sorry for dumping all of this on you" you said softly and you looked up at him.

"never apologize for your feelings" he whisper and i nodded, leaning forward and kissing his chest.

"thank you seb" your tone was soft as you leaned back against his bed. sebastian was still processing the kiss to his chest you left, a soft smirk playing on his lips. it didn't take long for you to fall asleep, and sebastian didn't want to move you. he pulled the blankets over the two of you, kissing your forehead before shutting off the side lamp and falling asleep with an arm draped over you.

-

you woke up the next day with your arms wrapped around sebastian's arm. your eyes felt heavy and puffy, but you didn't want to move out of your very comfortable spot. you watched sebastian chest rise up and down slowly with every breath he took, his arm tucked under his head with his face turned away from yours.

you never really looked at sebastian, but you were glad you were getting the chance to right now. he shifted and you panicked, closing your eyes again to pretend you were sleeping. you heard him sigh and felt his bicep flex, and it was so hard to bite back your smile and grip it in your hands.

sebastian slowly pulled his arm away from your grip and pushed your hair out of your face before he got out of bed. sebastian headed into his bathroom and locked the door, your eyes shooting open. your arms pushed up the soft sheets as you stretched your limbs. you reached over for your phone, seeing a lot of missed calls, texts and notifications from almost every social media app you had.

sebastian's phone vibrated and you jumped when you heard the water turn on in the shower, sebastian badly singing as he showered. you sighed and peeked at his screen, seeing a lot of texts from chris.

"this is crazy" you sighed, placing a pillow over your face and wanting to scream. you had almost fallen asleep again before you heard the water shut off. you took the pillow off of your face and pretended to just be waking up as he came out of the bathroom.

"well, good morning roomie" sebastian smiled and you sat up, gasping softly with wide eyes as you noticed sebastian dripping in water with his towel loosely tied around his waist.

“good morning. i didn’t mean to take up your bed last night. all that crying just really took it out of me"

“no problem, i understand. my bed is big enough for the both of us. no bother” he smiled and took another towel to dry his hair. you brushed your hair out of your face and sighed.

"uhm, i'm gonna go shower. probably unpack too. you can come help if you want" you started to walk towards his door but you heard him whistle. you tighten your face and turn around slowly, sebastian's hand on his hip with the other out palm facing up.

"i seem to remember there were 2 phones on my nightstand, and now there's only one. give it here" you grunt and slightly stomp as you slapped the phone in his hand. "this is for your own sake, it's to better you and your mind!" sebastian smiled and you rolled your eyes, trying to pretend that you were mad at sebastian but you couldn't help the corners of your mouth curling up.

"yeah, yeah. whatever" you push his shoulder and he laughs. "i'll be in my room, then i'm gonna shower"

"okay. and hey," you turned around in his door frame, your hand on the wood as you looked over your shoulder to sebastian. "you and me"

you smile, nodding softly. "you and me, seb"

[cassieschaosdimension]

Full Detox

Dear Tumblr,

Thank you for the almost year we've had together. It'll be a year in October, but I've realized throughout the past year a few things about myself....

The first thing is that I've lost myself sometime during the start of quarantine. Actually... it started two years ago. I had a rough time in my life. I was just getting started with social media and some of my friends at the time weren't truly my friends.

I went to camp the summer of 2019 and I came back completely changed. It was two weeks of not talking to anyone through a screen except my best friend and I only called him. We didn't talk through a screen. I need time to find myself. This detox might be for the month of September, or it could be for longer. I don't know at this point.

My second and final point is: I need time to find out who I truly am. Thank you so much for the opportunity to know people online aren't as creepy as I've heard. There are some people I must admit, but overall, this experience has been one of the best of my life.

But I'm about to go on one of the best adventures of my life and I want to fully experience it fully present and in person without a phone as a crutch.

This is going to be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life, but I'm ready for whatever life throws at me. I'm going to try journaling my month-long adventure as it starts in about half an hour.

It's all over the place, I'm an emotional mess as I write this. I just wanted to tell you if you need to reach me, I will be going off of Instagram and Discord as well for this month. I'm even getting rid of Pinterest and Google Hangouts. I'm completely immersing myself in the new culture I've thrown myself into.

I also just need time for myself. I'm tired of not having anyone who truly knows me in a different state than I'm in. I love my irl best friends to death, but I'm tired of just bursting into tears at random times at home. I'm just so tired of what my life has turned into right now. I'm tired of just not feeling like I can have people who don't understand me at all. I just want someone in my life who can just understand what I've gone through and it's been traumatizing for me. I need time to heal. I also need time to myself because I feel like some people on here just forget I'm a person and I really just want to be seen as a person and not just a blog. Take the time to really think about whether you've been thinking about the blogs as the people they are behind the screen or just a blog. Also, just be mindful of what you are doing when replying or reblogging a post and want to add words. People may not like what you're doing and you really need to respect that.

But you also need to remember people have feelings and tumblr is a site where we can just express ourselves. When people don't respect that, it's not a fun environment to be in anymore. This is also why I'm taking the detox. People need to learn how to respect that people have feelings that don't need to be explicitly said everywhere. This needs to be figured out on this site or I will keep on having these detoxes and maybe even stop my main blog and just have my poetry blog. I'm really tired of keeping up my "reputation" of being sweet, kind, and a freaking sweetheart who wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm really tired of keeping up my "reputation" of being the person to turn to for advice, but with no one else to turn to. I'm really tired of keeping up my "reputation" as someone who always has to be sunny, happy, and doesn't know about the dark in life. I know about the dark in life; I'm an adult now and people need to understand that online and also irl, but this is more about online.

Yes, I know I sound salty, and that's because while this almost year has been one of the best almost years of my life, it's also been the most draining because literally everyone on here calls me a sweetheart and a cinnamon roll. I just wish I felt safe enough to be myself. But right now, I can't be truly myself. I'm hoping the detox will help me figure out who the heck I am. I implore you though please think of me as the adult I am and not some teenager who doesn't know what to do with their life. I have life goals and uni is going to help me with that. Please stop treating me like a smole bean who needs to be protected at all costs. Please.

I am also just like you all. I'm not a ball of sunshine all of the time (in fact when I'm talking to people who know me best they know I'm only a sunshine 20% of the time, the other 80% I'm so done with life). I want to be able to taken seriously. I don't want to just be known as the Hufflepuff who is so nice and knows everything about life advice. That's not true. I'm just a uni girl trying to figure out how the heck I'm going to spend four years away from my family. I'm trying to be nice online, but I also want to be salty and sarcastic and myself because irl is bad enough, but online it's just why. Why do I come off as a cute, smol little kitten who wouldn't hurt a flea? Don't you guys know f you get me mad at you you'll be the one crying at the end of the day? I'm heartless when I've had enough. I need you all to treat me like the person I am and not like an object. That's kind of how I feel this has gotten. There are some who are amazing and I adore them to pieces. But then there are other people who aren't considerate I just can't. So I need a break from just all of this. I can't be on here when people don't take me seriously. Like I said it's bad enough this happens irl. I don't want it to happen online too.

I'm starting with two months, but as I do more of these in the future, it might get longer.

This might be my only two month long detox or it could be longer. If it's longer, I will let you all know! I promise, but for now, I'll miss you, I love you, keep being the you I know you can be, drink your freaking water!, remember people on here are people and have freaking feelings and emotions and lives and experiences, and I will see you all November 1st!

@procrastinationonvacation @clarys-heosphoros @reyna-herondale @ghafa-dale @captainwaffles @cory-was-hexed @nebulanike @im-someone-i-guess @writing-with-tea @simpingforwillsolace @simpingforpjo @writingsbypb @cloudygreywolf @crzyprsn42 @seven-halfbloods @nyxx-chaos @avakrahn @annlillyjose @kiriti-savyasachin @shaonharryandpannisim @chaoticchefherepleasesaveme @captainorthred @carrie-haha @justmemyselfandthefridge @daughter-of-sunshine @da-nerdy-turtle @stars-a-n-d-scars @ambidextrousarcher @ace-loves-cake @devereaux-fan @clarys-heosphoros @willsolacekinnie @valdezey @whatrambles @spoopycrowe @hyacjnthus @ileaurel @thatrandomfangirlll @purple-magic-2002 @the-young-and-forgotten

[crystaljins]

River lead me home | 09 FINAL

Characters: Kim Seokjin x reader

Word count: 5k

Synopsis:  Ever since coming to the human realm when you were child, nothing seems to fit, and this was just supposed to be a simple roadtrip to help you find yourself.

Is that too much to ask for?

Spin-off to A long journey home

Rating: Teens

Genre: Adventure, fluff, angst

Notes: Ahhh. We’re finally here. At the ending. 

I feel like so much happened since I started writing this fic. I’ve been through so many ups and downs, and so have my characters. And you guys are probably the same; I wonder what adventures you guys went on as I posted this? I hope they were fun ones. 

Anyway, thank you for sticking around for this long journey home. I hope you enjoy the final chapter, and I hope you enjoyed following these guys on their adventure. 

Till next time, my loves.

Tags: @blue1928​ @veeparkersstuff

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 FINAL

It’s a long journey home. The three of you stay with the mice long enough to see the first of the recovered victims poke their little noses out of their burrows. The mayor, a harried, round little mouse with hay coloured fur and absurdly long whiskers, cannot express his gratitude deeply enough, other than to procure the three of you a comfortable stay in a nearby inn. 

The journey back is only slightly less fraught with danger. The Saishtas think the two of you are dead, and not long after you part ways with the mice, new begins to circulate in the local areas that the might, evil Saishta queen has died and that her kingdom has fallen into disarray. You come across one or two of the insidious lizardpeoples after that but none of them approach or acknowledge you. Why bother, when they failed to save their queen?

After hearing that news, it’s more of a relaxed journey. You all head on from town to town, purchasing supplies and another bed roll for Jungkook. Jin is strangely eager to spend what little currency you have on the most comfortable bedroll he can find, and when Jungkook suggests he just continues to share in the interest of saving funds, Jin nearly has an aneurysm. 

Jin’s behaviour is probably the strangest part of the journey. He’s not cold or standoffish like he normally is when having a crisis, but he’s definitely gentler. More reserved but also warmer. It’s not unwelcome. In fact, you can’t help but wonder. If the war had never come, would this be the life you had with Jin? Endless adventures amongst the thrilling dangers of your home realm? 

You bring the thought up to Jin and Jungkook one night, while the three of you huddle together over a fire, snacking on some of the dried meats you’d purchased from the last town. 

Jin looks surprised at the thought. 

“I’ve always thought it would be you and Taehyung going on the big adventures.” He points out. “The two of you were never able to hold still, even for a moment.” His smile is warm and fond as he recalls your childhood. 

“You’d have been dragged along.” Jungkook counters through a particularly chewy mouthful. “You’d probably be married to (Y/N) and forced to follow her around keep her out of trouble.”

Oddly, you expect Jin to flush, or protest, or attempt to strangle Jungkook. You certainly feel a bit flushed at the thought. But Jin is unfazed- he merely offers a secretive smile and tilts his head curiously at you. You couldn’t decipher the look if you tried, but it has your throat feeling tight. 

You change the conversation topic after that, but it’s not the only way that Jin has changed. A few days later, the three of you are attempting to cross a little slippery creek when you lose your footing. 

You stumble over a few rocks and land on your hands and knees. Even in the deepest part of the creek it only comes up to your mid-thighs when you are on all fours. 

Jin skids to a stop beside you, crouching before you in the water. He doesn’t seem to care about the way his clothes become soaked. 

“Are you hurt?” He demands. You take stock of your injuries- a scraped knee, a bruised shin, the palms of your hands rubbed raw. Nothing that won’t be gone in an hour or two. 

“I’m fine.” You reassure him. 

He nods awkwardly for a moment and then offers “I could kiss it better?”

It takes you a few blinks to comprehend his words, and even then, it makes you re-evaluate the severity of your injuries. 

“What?” You demand, shocked. He shrugs and looks away. 

“Like when we were kids. I could kiss it better. You used to always refuse to stop crying until I kissed you. We could try that again.” He offers nonchalantly. You must have hit your head. It’s the only explanation. You can only stare, your mouth dropped into an “o”. 

“I guess that’s a no.” Jin finally says, oddly sulky in the way he says it. “Just thought I’d offer.”

You wish you could say that it’s the strangest of his behaviour, but it’s not. The rest of the journey goes like that- if you didn’t know any better, you’d almost think Jin was flirting. Albeit, in a weirdly awkward, tentative way. Even Jungkook notices it. 

“Do you think he’s finally gone mad? Maybe the extreme social media detox has made all his brain cells shrivel up and die.” Jungkook whispers conspiratorially one night while the two of you wonder a small village that is throwing a little festival. Colourful lanterns line the streets and the various creatures that inhabit the village are dressed in bright colours. Jin had decided to stay back at the inn but the two of you had wanted to explore. 

“It’s the only logical explanation.” You concede, as much as it physically pains you to agree with Jungkook in anything. 

“All I have to say is, if this is how he flirts I have no idea how he gets so many dates.” Jungkook laments, and your eyes widen. 

“Stop.” You laugh. “He’s not flirting. It’s Jin. He thinks of me like an unwanted houseplant.”

“What if he didn’t, though?” Jungkook asks suddenly. His gaze is probing, and the mood is oddly serious for what you thought was a joking conversation. 

“What?” You ask, caught off-guard. 

“What if he’s actually flirting? Hypothetically. What would you do?” He questions. 

You go silent, as you contemplate your answer. Honestly, you’re not stupid enough to entertain the thought of Jin liking you back. But something about Jungkook’s earnestness has you genuinely considering it. 

“I don’t know.” You finally admit. You sigh, suddenly feeling tired. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jungkook asks, tentative and almost gentle. He tilts his head curiously. “Do you like him?”

The question startles you. It feels like it’s been so long since you came to term with your feelings that you forgot not everyone else was aware of your revelation. Honestly, even to yourself it had filtered to the back of your mind. An unchanging fact, rarely acknowledged. The sky is blue. Jungkook is annoying. You are in love with Kim Seokjin. 

“I do.” You finally admit. You’re reaching the end of the street where most of the festivities are taking place- the crowd is thinning and more distance separates each lantern. 

“Then, if he were flirting... wouldn’t the answer be that you’d date him?” Jungkook asks. He’s pulling a face like he’s working out a rather complex maths problem. “Why don’t you know what you’d do?” 

The two of you settle at the end of the street. Roughly hewn chairs are scattered randomly across the little square. In the corner, a large, greyish being snoozes, and a small group of little humanoid trees laugh over something and chatter in a foreign language. 

“I feel like there’s too much to sort out first. Like... to date him I’d have to be better. I’d have to have a job. And I’d have to have apologised to my mother. I’d need to stop spongeing off the people around me. And maybe live out of home. Be a proper, human adult.” You list. “The me that I am now... I couldn’t date Jin. I’m not... I’m not...”

“Good enough?” Jungkook finishes the words gently. There’s a sad look in his eyes, and it surprises you. 

You nod. 

“Yeah.” You admit, and your voice is oddly choked. It’s weird- you had thought you were at peace with your feelings. You were meant to be happy with whatever scraps of affection Jin threw your way. But you’re not- there’s a deep, miserable ache in your chest that won’t go away. 

Jungkook uses his sleeves to dab at the tears you didn’t even know were slipping down your cheeks. 

“For what it’s worth,” Jungkook offers. “Jin doesn’t actually care about that stuff. The only reason he makes a big deal out of it is because he thinks you’ll be happy if all that stuff works out.” He tells you. “And hey. Someone once told me that the best things are the scariest to start- maybe this is one of those times?”

After that, you call it a night, and Jungkook doesn’t bring the topic up again. But you can’t forget his words. The closer to the portal the three of you draw, the more the ache in your chest grows; the closer you get to going back to normal life. What happens to you and Jin when you step back into the human realm? 

What if Jungkook’s words are true? Would you... would you have to return to normal? Could you have more? Is it stupid that a part of your stupid, traitorous heart longed for it to be true with each new step towards home?

There’s a surefire way to find out; if you ask him. But you can’t. The words die in your throat every time you even consider it. You remember how he freaked out when Jungkook suggested it earlier on the trip. He likely already knows your feelings despite your denial, and it is only your constant denial otherwise that allows the two of you to exist in this strange limbo. If you stopped denying them, he’d have to address those feelings and then what? It would be back to square one- the avoidance and awkwardness as you cling to the shambles of your friendship.

You can’t go back to that- you’ve fought so hard to fix what is between you, to salvage things. Would it be worth risking it, just in the hopes that you and Jin could be more?

The night before you reach the portal, all the nerves and worries you have build up to the point that you find yourself gazing up listlessly at the canopy overhead. The branches interlace and you can perk glimpses of the stars beyond. This is the last glimpse you will get of these stars. You have already decided you won’t come back here. It’s time to stop looking back and only look forward. 

Yet, despite your resolve, despite everything, sleep evades you. Tomorrow, real life awaits. An existential sort of dread has gripped you.

With a sigh, you sit up. To your right, Jungkook has curled into a tight ball as he peacefully rests. But to your surprise, Jin’s bedroll is empty. You’re surprised you didn’t hear him move. 

It doesn’t take long to locate him. Only a short distance away, where the vegetation is a bit lighter and a clear patch of sky shimmers overhead, Jin lounges peacefully. He gazes thoughtfully up at the sky overhead as the starlight gilds his face in breathtaking silver. 

Wordlessly, you step towards him. A twig snaps beneath your feet and Jin whirls around in surprise. When he spots you, he smiles and gentle pats the open space beside him. 

Awkwardly, you settle beside him, hugging your knees to your chest. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” He questions, his eyes closed serenely. The soft sound of wind and distant sounds of wildlife filters through the night air. 

“Yeah,” you admit, your voice heavy with a sigh. He blinks open one eye to peer curiously at you. It’s the most relaxed and open you’ve seen him in a long time. “What about you? You couldn’t sleep either?” 

Jin shrugs. 

“I could have.” He informs you. “But I thought I’d enjoy my last night in this realm instead.”

You raise an eyebrow at that. Jin has made it clear throughout the trip that this journey has been anything but enjoyable. 

“Enjoy?” You say, only slightly incredulous. He nods and opens both eyes to stare up the sky. 

“I’m as shocked as you.” He concedes. “This place has only ever meant bad things to me. It’s why I could never understand your fixation with it.” 

You grimace.

“I kind of get it now, though.” He admits, before you can complain to him. “It’s a pretty beautiful place.” 

“What changed your mind?” You ask, your curiosity piqued. Jin shrugs. 

“You did.” He answers simply. 

“M-me?” You’re not sure why you stutter; perhaps it is the strange look to his eyes as he turns fully to face you. He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his cheek against them, watching you lazily. 

“Yup.” He says, as if it’s the easiest confession in the world. “When I used to think about this place, all I could think about was the night we fled. My dad didn’t even time to wash the blood off his hands. He grabbed me by the wrist and held on so tight I had bruises. I didn’t want to remember that. I didn’t want to remember the place that had caused us so much pain. And you... you were such a shell. I felt like one of my best friends had died in this realm and I was so angry at what it had taken from me.” His gaze is distant with recollection. “And then I was mad at you, because you couldn’t forget no matter what I did.” He gazes at you. “But now it’s finally given me something.”

You’re startled, by his heartfelt words. You’ve always known Jin hated this realm, hated the way the beings of this realm had driven you all out. But you didn’t know you had such a huge role in his opinion of it. “You.” He finishes. “So I guess I can’t really hate this place after all.”

You’re struck speechless in that moment, and your heart swells with an overwhelming feeling. You already know you love the man before you, but in that moment, you’re shocked at just how much. A feeling bubbles up at the base of your chest- your heart feels fit to burst. 

“What do you mean?” You ask- is this feeling hope? What does Jin mean, when he says the realm gave him you?

Jin merely shrugs. 

“I’ll let you speculate.” He tells you, shooting you a coy smile, an oddly cheeky look that he’s given to his friends before but never to you. But then his expression shifts into something more serious. “I think there are more pressing things to discuss first, though. Like why you’re sitting here with me instead of sleeping?”

The warm feeling from earlier instantly evaporates as you recall the reason for your melancholy. 

“I guess I’m just nervous.” You confess. “About going home. I’ve... I’ve really enjoyed this trip. And I’m excited to go home. But I’m just so...” you struggle to find the word. “So...”

“Nervous?” Jin suggests. He shuffles so he’s just a bit closer. His shoulder brushes yours- if you extended your neck, you could rest your head against his broad shoulders. A strange electricity buzzes through your body at the thought- it reminds you of your fight over the fungus a few days ago. The air had felt strangely charged then as well. 

“Yeah.” You admit, swallowing past a dry throat. “There’s a lot to do, back home.”

“Back home?” Jin echoes, and then his smile turns warm. His mouth carefully forms the word “home” and his eyes wrinkle into two joyous crescent moon shapes. “I guess there is.” He acknowledges. “But you’ve already made the first step. You’re calling the human realm home.”

That startles you. Obviously, it is your home. But you hadn’t realised how instinctive that had become until this moment; at some point the human realm had stopped being that uncomfortable alien place, and had become the place you’re meant to go back to. Home. Jin watches you process the words carefully before he speaks again. 

“You don’t have to be nervous.” He tells you softly. The tone to his voice is oddly vulnerable and delicate. Something delicate hovers between you like the flutter of a pixie’s wing. “You said you wanted to work things out together, right? So, you don’t have to be nervous because I’ll be there with you.”

He looks away and his expression is surprisingly shy. “I know you said I don’t have to be the guy with it all worked out, but I still want to try. It makes me happy. Being there for you. So even if you’re nervous... we’ll work it out together, right?”

It is that exact moment that you figure it out. Earlier, you had been uneasy at Jungkook’s line of questioning. You didn’t feel worthy of Jin’s love and affection, and that made you afraid. Because you couldn’t bear to lose him. You still can’t bear to lose him. But gazing into the warm eyes before you, you know you won’t ever lose him. The two of you have braved death together- you’ll make it through anything. 

You feel lighter then, and you offer Jin a smile. 

“Thank you.” You whisper. Jin smiles back. 

“Any time.” He whispers back to you in answer. 

Sleep comes easily after that, and so too does the end of your journey. All too soon you stand before the portal back home. 

The trip feels like it’s taken a thousand years and no time at all at the same time. By your calculation, the entire journey has taken almost a month, with all the detours and misadventures. That means almost six hours have passed in the human realm. Jin has almost definitely missed his dinner plans, and your mother is probably starting to wonder why you aren’t home yet. 

“What will you do, when you go back?” Jin asks. Jungkook has already stepped through and you’re surprised that Jin is making conversation now, of all times. 

“Apologise to my mother.” You say easily. “What about you?”

“I’m going to save my snapchat streaks and apologise to Joon.” Jin shares. He’s nervously twisting his fingers together. The energy he gives off is like an uneasy teenager about to do a huge public speech. It’s a big contrast from the person her was last night. Like he’s bracing himself for something. 

You thought you’d be bracing yourself too. On the other side is hard work and futile dreams and a bleary, dull city. 

But on the other side is your mother, your friends, your family. Your evil cat waits for you on the other side; the life your father dreamed of for you is on the other side. You had thought that so much in your life is wrong, and now that the portal is here, you realise that it’s not. It’s just life. Things go wrong and things go right. Like the path of a river, cutting through the vast, unknown wilderness. You had been thinking of it this whole time like you’d flip a switch and things would be easy. But that’s not what it’s going to be like on the other side of this portal, and it’s not really what you want things to be like. It’s an adventure of a different kind. 

And it’s an adventure that you want to share... with Jin. 

You remember what Jungkook had said- the best things in life are the scariest to start. And you’re scared now. No, you’re terrified. But if you’re this scared, then you know that this moment is going to be huge. Life-changing. You can’t keep the words in a moment longer. You don’t want to. You’ve spent too long running and fearing and hesitating and overthinking. But you’re confident, that the two of you will survive this even if he doesn’t feel the same way, and you’re ready to take that risk.

The river loves those who take the plunge.

“Jin,” you call, and you thought that if you ever did this that you’d be lost for words. But you’re not. Because you’re finally ready. Last night had solidified that for you. The words come easily. “You remember how you said that I look at you a certain way?”

You turn and face him, and he looks bewildered. 

“Like you’re my hero.” You recall. And then you steel yourself and meet his gaze. It’s the same eyes you’ve known all your life. The same eyes you want to look into for the remainder of your life. “It’s because you are my hero. No, actually, it’s more than that.” You assert, and he just stares, completely dumbstruck. “I look at you like that because I love you. Because I admire you and think you’re strong and brave and kind, and even if you’re not the guy who has it all together, I still feel the same way. And I lied when I said I just wanted you to be my friend. I thought it was enough, but it’s not- I want to be your partner. I want to be your best friend. I want to be your girlfriend.” You say. And then you summon all the exciting fluttering feels in your chest and let it pour into your smile. “I love you, Kim Seokjin.” 

Before you stands something you never thought you’d see. Kim Seokjin, the mastermind behind the Jant, is completely speechless. And then slowly, very slowly, he opens his mouth to give a response. 

“Are you dead?” Jungkook demands as the upper half of his body appears once more through the portal. “It’s been like 30 seconds in that realm which is approximately ten years in this realm if my maths is correct!”

You spring back from Jin. You’re startled at how far you have to step back- had you really been standing that close? 

“R-right.” You stutter. You feel like you’ve been caught cheating on a diet or something equally scandalous. “We’re coming.”

Jin just looks annoyed. 

“No we’re not. Give us a minute.” He snaps at Jungkook, placing a palm against Jungkook’s head and shoving him back through the portal none-too-gently. He then turns urgently back to you. “What did you just say?” He demands. His intensity has you cowering slightly- your bravado from earlier leaves you. 

“I said “we’re coming”?” You recall, attempting to divert the topic, but Jin steps closer. 

“No you didn’t. You said you love me. And that you want to be my girlfriend.” He accuses. 

“If you knew, why did you ask me?” You grumble. And then your expression softens. “But yes. I did say that. And it’s ok if you don’t feel the same. I know you could have any girl you want and I won’t be mad if you want someone else.” You reassure him quickly. He just stares, offering you no indication of whether he’d processed your words. It’s uncomfortable, but you suppose your words were going to be uncomfortable. You’re changing the very nature of your relationship by voicing them aloud. “But if you were willing... maybe you could give me a chance?” You trail away. 

Still, Jin just continues to look at you blankly. He looks like he’s a robot that just encountered a programming error. Hesitantly, you reach out to tap his shoulder, just to make sure he hasn’t died or suddenly been transformed into stone. 

A hand shoots up. It grabs your wrist, halting its movements. Jin’s eyes bug out of his head. 

“YOU’RE TELLING ME NOW?” He all but screeches. You flinch- you hadn’t anticipated a jant in response to your confession. “YOU HAD THE WHOLE TRIP TO SAY YOUR FEELINGS AND YOU SAY IT NOW? YOU COULDN’T HAVE WAITED ONE DAY?”

His nostrils flare as he releases your wrist so that he can point accusingly at you. 

“You had all your chances! You could have said it on the way to the forest spirit! Or when the Saishtas were chasing us! Or when we landed in the ravine! You’ve had literally the whole trip and you wait until right before I’m going to confess?” He spits out in that rapid-fire way that you’ve never seen another person be able to replicate. 

And then you process his words. 

“Wait-“ you say, hoping to abort the jant so that you have enough time to comprehend what he’s saying. 

It’s no use. 

“Seriously! I had a whole plan, (Y/N)! We were going to go to dinner and I was going to buy you flowers and I was going to ease you into it! But no! You just had to beat me to it, and for what? For what? So that you can make a half-assed confession right before we step into an alley next to a brothel?” He laments. 

“It’s not half-assed-“ you protest, because you’d poured your heart out to Jin. 

He steps in menacingly. 

“Take it back.” He demands. Your eyes widen. 

“What?” You cry, defensively. To your credit, you only cower a little which is an impressive feat for someone on the receiving end of a jant. 

“Your confession! Take it back!” He orders. 

“No!” You argue back. “I’m not going to do that.”

“You are!” Jin counters. “You’re going to take it back and we’re going to do it properly, over dinner, and you’re going to have washed hair and I’m going to-“

You don’t let him finish whatever stupid thoughts were filtering through his brain. If he wants a proper, romantic confession, then he’s going to get one! You hear a sharp intake of breath from him as your lips press to his. They’re slightly chapped after such a long period of rough travel, but the sensation is still pleasant. Your heart thuds in your chest and you feel like you’re about to burst. 

It takes Jin a moment to respond. But when he does, it’s with an intensity that is almost frightening. You’re startled by the way he pulls you close. It’s like the electricity from last night, but multiplied a hundred-fold. If you thought your heart was ready to burst before, it is nothing compared to the way molten lava fills your chest when his hands come up to gently cradle your face and deepen the kiss.

When you finally recall that oxygen is something you need, Jin pulls away and searches your gaze. His hands slide down to your waist, resting delicately along the flare of your hips. His face is bright red but his eyes are determined. 

Something about the way he is looking at you has you feeling shy. 

“That was weird, huh?” You stammer, trying to cover the way you feel so completely overwhelmed. “Sorry.” Your heart is dancing in your chest. It’s all too much for one person to feel and you’re just not really sure what to do with the sensation. Did he feel it too? This weird tension, like you’re a balloon about to pop?

Jin doesn’t break eye contact and his tongue darts out to moisten his lips. 

“Hard to say.” He finally says, breaking his long spell of silence. He then grabs at either side of your face, puckering his lips obnoxiously. “I think we need to try again to be sure.”

You barely have time to protest before he’s attempting to pull you in for a second kiss, although you slap a hand over his mouth to halt his advance. 

“Wait!” You accuse. “You can’t just kiss me and not respond to what I said!” 

“I already told you.” He snaps. “Your confession doesn’t count until we do it properly. Now if you excuse me-“ He grabs you by the elbows and tugs you back towards him, attempting to kiss you once more, but you stop him with a hand pressed to his chest. His expression turns pleading. “Just one more time.” He requests.

You swallow, and gaze into his eyes. It’s not an unfamiliar look, you realise. He’s looked at you like this before, but you now realise what the emotion was behind that look. 

“I love you.” You tell him. “I told you like this because yes. I couldn’t wait one more day. I don’t want to wait another day without you knowing. I love you.” You say one more time, just for good measure. 

His expression crumbles and he sighs in resignation, before pulling you tightly against him. His embrace is warm, and secure. It’s no different from all the other times he’s hugged you in your life, and yet nothing is the same.

“Fine.” He says, into the crook of your neck. “But I’m not saying it back until we have a proper date.” 

He pulls out of the hug and the love in his gaze is overwhelming. It’s not a confession, per se, but his intent is as clear as day. 

He loves you. You know he does.

“Deal.” You say back, and his response is his eyes crinkling up as he offers you that special smile, the one that he only shows when he’s really, truly happy. “But you’re paying.”

“How about we save any important conversations for the side of the portal where we’re not in constant mortal danger?” Jungkook demands, his head once more poking through the portal. There’s an awkward silence as he glances between the two of you, and then he groans. “Seriously? You had the entire journey to sort this out and you waited until now? You couldn’t even just leave it until after dinner?”

“Sorry!” You apologise quickly, going to follow Jungkook’s lead through the portal. But a hand wrapped around your wrist stops you- you hadn’t even noticed Jin had grabbed you. 

You turn to gaze questioningly at him, and he shrugs, shifting his hands until he can interlace his fingers with yours. 

“Wait. Let’s go together.” He requests, then pauses. “Can we?”

Something about this moment feels monumental. Huge. You’ve braved enemy encampments, crossed mountains. You’ve gone free-falling into giant ravines and overcome furious forest spirits. 

And yet this moment feels like the start to your biggest adventure yet. From this point on, real life starts. You smile at Jin and he returns it. 

“Yeah.” You say. “Let’s go together.”

Jin’s reply is covered by Jungkook’s annoyed call through the portal:

“What did I just say? Hurry up!”

                                                             ~Fin~

[artificialqueens]

Level Up, Chapter Twelve (Branjie) - Holtzmanns

AN: I can't even lie, the support on the last chapter and about this fic coming back made me so so incredibly happy. If you're still here and reading and leaving reviews, THANK you, I love hearing your thoughts and reactions and it honestly is why this chapter came pretty speedily. Enjoy and tell me your thoughts! Thank you writ for betaing <3

“How on earth are there seven thousand people watching this Instagram live? They got nothing better to do than talk to our sweaty asses?”

Monique’s eyebrows push together in disbelief as she looks at Vanessa’s phone screen, her eyes scanning the comments and it makes Vanessa snort, turning the camera towards her.

“It was your idea. I was perfectly content catching my breath and drinking some water now that class is done, or maybe, y’know, taking a shower,” Vanessa quips, her eyes flitting across the screen as she watches the comments fly by at light speed. “But you wanted to say hi to your ‘fans.’”

“They love me,” Monique tosses her braids over her shoulder, batting her eyes at the screen. “Right, guys?”

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous,” Monet drops down beside Monique on the ground, popping her head in front of the screen. “I’m the one that everyone loves. I mean, how can you not?”

“Very easily.” Monique’s deadpan expression makes Vanessa burst into laughter, shaking her head.

“Y’all are nuts, I swear.”

It’s still strange to Vanessa, the way that this is her new normal. The fact that she can open Instagram and start a live and have an audience, the fact that she can post a picture and have famous people showering her with comments. It’s as if her world has tilted, little slivers of light that are shining upon new opportunities she would have otherwise never been able to see.

Like the fact that Detox has inked her a deal with fucking Fenty Beauty, of all companies, as a brand ambassador and now she has a shoot next week and Rihanna, Rihanna, knows who she is.

Rihanna.

It still doesn’t feel real. Hell, maybe Vanessa actually had hit her head real hard during her last match and the whole period since has simply been vivid dreams while she’s in a coma at this very second. Maybe that’s a more likely scenario.

“Hold up, pass me the phone, I got something to say,” Asia holds out her hands, wiggling her fingers, and Monique sticks out her tongue, handing the phone to her.

“You better be quick. I was having fun with the filters.”

Monet scoffs, nudging Monique’s shoulder as she looks over at Vanessa. “Forget about the filters for a sec. Where are we thinking for dinner? That’s the more important thing to focus on.”

Monique pauses. “Well, see, while I’m a fan of that burrito place we went to last week, it did give me major gas, and I don’t wanna smell up any subway cars on the ride home-”

“Nasty- ”

“There’s a such thing as too much information when the people on Instagram live can overhear you, doofus-”

“As I was saying,” Monique continues, her voice a little louder, “I’m down for some Korean food, maybe. Thoughts?”

Vanessa giggles as Monet shakes her head at Monique, who looks entirely nonplussed. “I’m good with Korean.”

As much as things have changed, from the brand deals and the sponsorships and the people on the street who do a double take when they recognize her, Vanessa’s glad that one thing hasn’t. Her friendships.

She’s not sure how she’d take it if Monet and Monique and Asia started to treat her differently, if maybe they’d think she was a sellout or hate her for having a meme that she has no control over. Her friends don’t pretend as if the whole thing hasn’t happened, either, which she’s sure would feel worse. Instead, they roll with everything, getting excited when Vanessa brings them free sponsored items that show up in her mailbox or scrolling through her Instagram comments and screenshotting the hilarious ones. It’s as if they’re all going through it together instead of just her, and honestly, it feels kind of nice.

The Korean restaurant three blocks away from the gym is one that they’ve frequented quite a bit over their weekly dinners, the booths cozy and a perfect bubble for the gossip they can’t necessarily have while in front of a punching bag. And sure, their last few dinners have revolved around Vanessa’s random celebrity encounters on social media, but today the spotlight is on Asia. Or rather, the grumpy manner in which she’s eating her gimbap.

“I said, there’s nothing wrong. I’d tell you if there was,” Asia mutters, shoving a bite into her mouth.

Vanessa exchanges a look with Monet and Monique. Asia’s the queen of denial, the one who draws attention to problems precisely by trying and failing to hide them. When Asia says that nothing’s wrong, she’s fibbing. Majorly.

“You wouldn’t tell us, you’d stew about it like you are now. So, there’s something wrong. Checkmate,” Monique raises an eyebrow, and Vanessa can’t help but turn towards Asia and nod because hey, Monique’s right.

Asia, though, sulks. “No, there isn’t.”

“Asia. Just tell us!” Monet waves her chopsticks in Asia’s face, who wrinkles her nose. “Did we do anything?”

“No, no, not you guys,” Asia sighs, sinking down lower in her seat. “Not you. You know I’d be quick to beef with y’all if you did something wrong.”

Monique nods. “She’s got a point.”

“Then what? Is it Kameron?” Vanessa asks, and Asia’s expression change is immediate, the way her eyes dart a telltale sign that Vanessa’s hit the nail on the head.

“What’d she do? Do we need to fight her? Though, to be fair, not sure if any of us could fight her. Bitch is ripped,” Monique takes a sip of her drink before she can dig herself in a bigger hole, and it makes Vanessa snort.

“That’s the thing, she didn’t do anything,” Asia scowls, as she grabs another bite. “Nothing at all.”

“Nothing? What do you mean, nothing?” Monet’s eyebrows furrow and Vanessa’s sure that she’s making the exact same expression, too.

“Yeah, what’s nothing?”

“Exactly nothing!” Asia huffs. “It’s been months of us just smacking and that’s all we do, aside from talking about the weather or maybe about Bachelor in Paradise ‘cause she watches that too, but...nothing. We haven’t even been on a date or anything. Nothing!”

“Oooh… ” The way Monique’s realization trails off is comical, and Vanessa has to press her lips together to keep from breaking into a laugh because she does feel for Asia, she really does.

Vanessa’s seen her and Kameron come out from the change rooms or from behind one of the punching bags more than once, the two of them looking ruffled from their little makeout sessions. And sure, Vanessa’s thought that the two of them had more going on. At least, more than what she’s seen with her own two eyes.

But evidently not.

“So you’re waiting for her to make the first move?” Monet gives Asia a look. “C’mon, girl. If you want to date her, then ask her out yourself. Stop waiting around if you want more.”

Monique leans forward. “Yeah, what’s that saying? Follow your destiny?”

“Never heard of any saying like that.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Vanessa clears her throat, trying to shoot Asia a reassuring look. “I think the point that these two are trying to make is that Kameron’s definitely into you, too. She wouldn’t be sticking around if she wasn’t. So what’s the worst that can happen if you ask her out? Maybe she’s shy, or something. Wants you to make the first move.”

Asia scoffs. “Shy? That bitch never stops talking once she starts. I swear, that quietness is totally a facade.”

“There you go,” Vanessa nods, smiling. “See? You know her enough that she’s comfortable around you to loosen up.”

“Doesn’t mean I can ask her out,” Asia mutters, letting out a sigh. “What if she says no? What if all she wants is just this casual not-even-a relationship? What if this is the most I’m gonna get without her running for the hills?”

“And what if she doesn’t?” Monet counters. “Hey, anyone who can swap spit with you for months on end has gotta be into it, right?”

“Nasty. Truly nasty,” Asia grumbles, but her posture is less slouched, less defeated. A little more hopeful.

“Maybe she doesn’t want to feel like she’s using her position of power over you, being a coach, and that’s why she’s letting you take the reins,” Monique ponders, as she lifts up a bite of noodles. “So that she doesn’t feel like she’s pressuring you into saying yes.”

“She really wouldn’t have to pressure Asia at all, she’s jumping at a chance to...” Monet trails off when Asia shoots her a narrow-eyed glare. “Sorry.”

Vanessa reaches out to pat Asia’s shoulder because she feels for her, she really does. “You have two choices, really. You either gotta be happy with this current situation you two have going on with all the smacking and breath mints, or you gotta be willing to take a risk for a higher reward. For a chance of more with her. Though it is a huge risk to take-”

Monet winces. “Vanj, ending on that is not encouraging-”

“-look what you can get out of it,” Vanessa finishes, leaning forward in her seat. “Are you really going to be happy with the absolute bare minimum that you’re getting with Kameron? Is it the way you want things to stay? ‘Cause it seems like Kameron is fine with it.”

“Alright there, Doctor Phil,” Asia grumbles, resting her cheek against her hand, “maybe I’ll talk to her. Maybe, though. I don’t do talking.”

“Tell that to my eardrums who had to listen to you complain about your leggings for twenty minutes straight in the change room yesterday,” Monique mutters, before letting out a squeal when Asia kicks her under the table. ” Ow !”

Asia does look lighter, though, as they head out of the restaurant and towards the subway, a spring in her step that definitely had not been there during dinner. Vanessa just hopes that it’s enough, that Kameron’s feeling the same and maybe Asia’s springboard won’t break from under her anytime soon.

It’s one thing to put yourself on the line, but to risk it all? Vanessa’s a romantic and all that, but she’s not sure that she’d be able to go through with something like that herself if it all went sour.

Brooke’s not really sure of what to make of the way that Kameron’s pacing in front of her closet, to the point where she’s about to wear a hole into the floor. That being said, it is fairly entertaining to watch.

“Y’know you haven’t even looked in your closet yet, right? Aren’t you supposed to be picking an outfit to wear for your d-”

“Don’t even finish that word,” Kameron bites out, holding up a finger and Brooke snorts before taking a sip of her water. “What am I even doing?”

“You’re going out with-”

“Ugh,” Kameron sighs, flopping down on her bed beside Brooke. “This isn’t going to end well, is it?”

Brooke turns on her side, facing Kameron. “Not if you keep dithering like this. You’re putting my anxious self to shame.”

Brooke gets it, though. The way that Kameron’s leg is bouncing and the way she’s unable to keep still are both sure signs that her mind is running at a hundred miles an hour. Considering what Kameron’s about to do this evening, Brooke can’t blame her.

“What if I can’t come up with anything to talk about? What if we just sit there awkwardly and twiddle our thumbs for an hour?” Kameron covers her face with her hands, letting out a groan.

“Is what why you only make out with her in a closet like two teenagers?”

“Shut up.”

“You gotta learn how to have big girl conversations sometime or the other, Kam.” Brooke pats Kameron’s shoulder. “You can talk to me just fine. You can talk to Asia too.”

“But you’re just you. Asia is… Asia,” Kameron mumbles, her voice uncharacteristically soft, and Brooke can’t help but let out a snort.

“Thanks for that non-compliment. Very sweet.”

“You know what I mean,” Kameron sighs. “What if she won’t like me when she gets to know me?”

“You’re a catch. Definitely not my kind of catch, but someone’s kind of catch. Maybe Asia’s,” Brooke dodges before Kameron can whap her with a pillow, grinning when she misses. “Besides, Asia already knows you. You two bicker throughout classes and definitely had things to talk about when driving back from the last tournament. Or was that arguing for the entire drive about the appropriate speed limit on the highway? I can’t remember.”

“You’re terrible at pep talks,” Kameron grumbles, rolling onto her back.

“But you’re feeling better, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Regardless,” Brooke announces, rolling off the bed and grabbing Kameron’s hands to pull her up, too, “we need to pick out an outfit for you. Can’t have you dazzling your star student and date for tonight in your current wine stained joggers. Unless Asia’s into that.”

Brooke gets Kameron into jeans and a tank that shows off her arms and tattoos and Kameron begins to perk up a little at least, looking at herself in the mirror, as Brooke presses an eyeliner pen into her hand.

“Go on. Do your makeup.”

“Do you think she’ll-”

“Yes she’ll find it hot, no you can’t make out with her instead of going on the date. It’ll mess up your lipstick.” Brooke leans back on her hands as she watches Kameron from the bed.

It makes Brooke think, though, as Kameron tousles her hair and slips on a leather jacket and stands a little taller. The fact that Kameron is going on a date with Asia. It’s no secret that the coaches at Brooke’s gym sometimes hook up with the students, despite the fact that it makes Brooke’s nose wrinkle sometimes. It’s relatively harmless, never turning into anything too dramatic. Kameron’s had her own share of them, but this feels...different.

Maybe because Kameron actually cares about impressing Asia, past just the shallow looks and first impressions. She likes Asia and wants Asia to like her too, for more than someone who holds a punching bag for her. Kameron’s toeing the line with Asia from something casual towards something that could be more, and to Brooke, the drop feels real high.

It’s not like they have that much to risk, not really. Sure, a shitty date could make classes awkward for the two of them, though no harm done in the long term. But then why is Brooke’s heart turning over in her chest at the mere idea of it?

She doesn’t know. But she’s going to make her friend look good for her date, that’s for damn sure.

“What shoes?” Kameron holds up a pair of boots in each hand, and Brooke squints as she looks between the two of them.

“The docs.”

“Not too stereotypical?”

Brooke grins. “Way stereotypical. But Asia’s going to eat it up.”

She feels like a mom helping her daughter get ready for her first date. Considering how few dates Kameron has actually been on, how little she takes the leap to get to know people past a shallow level, it somehow feels appropriate.

The sun is beginning to set as Brooke leaves Kameron’s apartment, painting pinks and purples that cast an iridescent glow along the buildings and reflect off of her watch. It’s her second favourite time of the day after sunrise - instead of charging her batteries the way that the oranges and yellows of the morning do, the sunset calms her system, slowing down the thoughts in her brain that go just a little too fast for her liking.

Her phone buzzes when she’s waiting at an intersection, and Vanessa’s name on her screen makes her face break into a smile without her even noticing at first. Maybe it’s just the way that Vanessa’s always so funny, never failing to make Brooke laugh with whatever she comes up with over text.

Vanessa: alert alert Asia is going out with Kam tonight!!!!! Monique and I wanna follow them and see where they go but Monet won’t let us lol

Brooke: LOL. That’s probably for the best. Let the two of them figure it out on their own, y’know?

Vanessa: boooo but that’s boring

Vanessa: Asia said they were going to play something called lob???

Vanessa: tf is that do u know

Vanessa: cuz I thought lob was a haircut

Brooke: Picture mini golf but with small balls that you throw. And without the golf clubs.

Vanessa: haha small balls

Brooke: Really?

Vanessa: IT’S FUNNY

Brooke: It’s a fun game. Went there once some years back and honestly, it feels harder than mini golf. Not that I was good at mini golf.

Vanessa: ok but I’m good at mini golf, does this mean i’d school ur ass if we played

Brooke: Well we’d have to find out and see, wouldn’t we?

Brooke watches the clock at the top of her screen pass by one minute, then another, and Vanessa hasn’t replied, wait, did Brooke say anything wrong? She reads their conversation through again and when her eyes hit the last text…

Wait.

No, it doesn’t sound like she’s asking Vanessa out. Because she’s not trying to. Vanessa’s not, they’re not…

Unless Vanessa’s taking it that way and wants to run for the hills and never speak to Brooke again-

Vanessa: ok lets square up then punk

Phew.

Brooke: Did you just call me a punk?

Vanessa: and what about it??

Brooke: That’s extra burpees for you next practice.

Vanessa: playing dirty!!

Brooke lets out a laugh but it’s more of a shaky exhale than anything else, running a hand through her hair as she walks past the front desk of her apartment building and pushes the button for the elevator. Getting into the elevator alone is a blessing, a chance for her to lean her head back against the mirrors and close her eyes for a second, trying to ignore the way her heart is beating in her chest.

It’s not that she hasn’t thought about it. Brooke has eyes, Vanessa’s beautiful but also now such a good friend but she’s also her student and they’re not like that, they’re not and Brooke doesn’t do relationships-

Ding.

The doors open and it’s almost a relief, in a way, because for a second Brooke gets to pretend that she can leave her worries in the elevator and not bring them into her apartment. But they sweep up on her shore as she unlocks the door, the way they always do when she wants to avoid thinking about something.

Maybe Brooke’s just in her head. Maybe Vanessa hadn’t noticed how her text could have sounded suggestive at all, hell, maybe Vanessa had just been in the bathroom or something and that’s why she hadn’t answered Brooke’s text right away. There’s a million different ways to interpret what had happened, and Brooke’s just working herself up at this point. She knows that.

Problem is, her brain doesn’t always listen.

Yvie’s frowning at a pineapple at the kitchen island when Brooke hangs up her coat and walks into their apartment.

“Not going so well?” Brooke raises an eyebrow at the bent knife in Yvie’s hand and the still-intact pineapple.

Yvie scratches her head. “I really should have just bought the pre-chopped pineapple. But all that wasted packaging, y’know? Figured this was better for the environment.”

“Not for the knife, though.”

“Sadly,” Yvie sighs, letting the knife roll onto the cutting board with a clatter. “I think there’s another one in the utensil drawer somewhere. I’m gonna try again.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow. “Why don’t you look up a tutorial first or something? Maybe there’s an easy way to do it.”

“And ruin the surprise and excitement? Nah,” Yvie shrugs, before grinning. “I’m gonna defeat this pineapple on my own.”

“Have fun with that. And let me know when you’re done so I can have some, too,” Brooke snorts, sitting down on one of the stools at the counter.

Yvie lets out a woo when she pulls another knife out of the drawer, waving it around. “Found it! Nice.”

Brooke leans back on her stool even though Yvie is a good six feet away, because she also remembers the time Yvie accidentally threw a pair of scissors across the room while animatedly telling a story complete with hand gestures. “Careful, Yves.”

“You’re fine. The pineapple is the only one getting murdered tonight.”

“Comforting.”

“Anyways,” Yvie starts, twirling the knife in her hands before lodging it in the side of the pineapple, letting out a curse under her breath. “Is Kameron ready for her date? Did you lend your fashion expertise and all that?”

Brooke shrugs. “Kameron has that part under control. She needed more cheerleading than anything else to actually get herself on the date without clamming up. You know how she gets sometimes.”

Yvie snickers as she yanks the knife back out of the pineapple. “You mean her complete lack of game whatsoever?”

“Yvie!” Brooke admonishes, rolling her eyes when Yvie grins. “I think she’ll be fine with this girl, though. From their constant bickering, they have enough chemistry to warm even Kam up a little bit.”

“Aww. I remember that stage,” Yvie’s face is almost nostalgic, her bottom lip pushing out. “Scarlet and I would always clash in class. Of course, I still found her hot when she was being stupid, but that’s beside the point.”

“And now the only thing you two argue about is about who’s going to hang up first.”

As nauseating as the two of them are, Brooke has to admit that Yvie and Scarlet are kind of cute. The way that they’re making it work despite the fact that they live far away from one another is sweet, as ‘temporary’ as Yvie says their distance is.

“God, I love that bitch,” Yvie’s eyes are almost dreamy, a jarring sight when combined with the knife she’s dangling from her grip. “Speaking of love, what’s the situation with your new lady like? Miss internet sensation herself?”

“What?” Brooke yelps, and the heat that floods to her cheeks is annoying, because from the smug grin on Yvie’s face, she definitely notices. “She’s not my lady. Jeez. I train her.”

“Yeah, yeah. Because that’s what the cuddling on the couch during Chicken Little night looked like. Completely.” Yvie’s look is knowing, too knowing, and it makes Brooke want to fold in on herself, sink under the counter.

“It’s not like that,” Brooke mutters, reaching a hand out for one of the pineapple cubes that Yvie’s successfully chopped and throwing it into her mouth, because it gives her more time to think of something to say.

It’s not. They’re not together, they’re not flirting for Pete’s sake, they’re...they’re Brooke and Vanessa. A washed up coach and an athlete with enough potential and talent and drive to have already made a splash on the boxing world without any professional fights under her belt. Vanessa’s special, more than she knows, and Brooke wants to be the one to nurture that and have a front row seat to her greatness. She’s more than a random person to flirt with and then ghost, she’s more than a sham of a relationship. She’s permanent. At least, Brooke wants her to be.

Desperately.

And not losing Vanessa in the future means that Brooke has to avoid doing anything to ruin whatever it is that they have between them.

“Okay. Tell that to the way you guys were snuggled together like two little puppies or something. It was kind of adorable.” Yvie pops a cube of pineapple into her own mouth, throwing another towards Brooke.

“We weren’t snuggled together,” Brooke mumbles as she chews the pineapple, shrugging when Yvie scoffs and rolls her eyes. “What?”

“So what was it, then? Huddling for warmth? In an apartment with a broken AC that’s always warm, anyway?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Yves,” Brooke lifts up her hands in surrender. “She’s my student. We’re not doing anything.”

“Y’know what I think? I think you don’t know what to tell yourself. And that’s why you’re avoiding thinking about it,” Yvie says, holding up another cube. “Want some more?”

“Don’t you have to go Facetime Scarlet or something instead of pressing me about Vanessa? God,” Brooke grumbles. “Yes to the pineapple, by the way.”

Yvie snickers as she grabs a bowl, filling it with a handful of cubes. “You’re grumpy when you’re forced to confront your feelings.”

“There are no feelings.”

“Keep telling yourself that. Denial may be a river in Egypt, but it’s also very entertaining on you.”

“Oh, shut up,” Brooke groans, resting her cheek on her palm with her elbow against the counter. “Now go have phone sex with your girlfriend while I get my earplugs out.”

“And I’ll enjoy it, thank you very much,” Yvie singsongs as she waltzes into her bedroom, kicking the door closed and leaving Brooke alone in the kitchen.

She’s sure about what she’s said to Yvie. There are no feelings. Well, friendship feelings, and feelings of caring for Vanessa as a person because she’s pretty damn great and a wonderful person, but...not those kinds of feelings.

Brooke doesn’t do those kinds of feelings. Not when they end the way so many other things do, not when relationships don’t ever last the way that they promise to. Brooke doesn’t need her time with Vanessa to end anytime soon.

Besides, platonic cuddling is a thing. Brooke has snuggled up against Kameron’s bicep more than once during their athlete days on the drives to tournaments. Not that it was ever that comfortable back then, but hey, maybe Asia will like it now.

Maybe she and Vanessa can go play lob at the bar one day at the bar that Kameron’s taken Asia to - not as a romantic thing, because they’re not like that, they’re not, but because Vanessa’s competitive streak is adorable. Something that Brooke loves to see but also something that pushes Vanessa to be a great athlete and is almost mesmerizing to watch.

So, yeah. Lob as friends.

Brooke’s going to emphasize the ‘friends’ part when she asks Vanessa. More to calm herself down about it, than anything else.

[loafbud]

Updates on my Socials

Mainly Twitter, Instagram, and DeviantArt (and other sites, but these are my main ones I was formerly active on)

Since my confidence in being a creative has been waverin' and teeterin', I just decided to leave said socials entirely.

Coz for a very long time, I'm just now realizing how much energy social media can take out of me. Like... just scrolling through Twitter or posting art on Instagram has me feeling drained completely after.

And I realize why. Opening Twitter and checking my dA and IG was always the first thing I did when I wake up. Ritually. Like, before I even drank water. Right off the bat, I've already set myself up to have a fatigue kinda day, y'know?

And it just feels like lately I'm going through a social media hibernation period anyhow. And whenever I don't take that detox, I just plow forward and what I get in the end? Creative burnout, fatigue, and perfectionism. AKA, That's That Bullshit!!

I actually wanna take steps (finally lol) into putting myself first, and to make sure I don't distract myself with said sites ever again. I spent the whole day yesterday having my first 24 hours with Twitter and IG uninstalled (and Mario Kart Tour coz wow, I let that be a distraction attraction for me long enough) and I can already feel the difference of feeling well-rested.

On top of that, it just felt like I was sharing my art to the void. Imma keep it real. Lately, I've been getting the good-ol' "underappreciation" illusionary feelery in my headspace. And August 8th was when I had that mental snap and was like "Forget it. I'm done giving to places I feel incomplete in. Peace. ✌🏿". And it's not even that I physically see it – I just feel it. Like an energetic shift, yeah? And trying to live up to the whole "putting yourself out there" and "show the world your light" just felt very exhausting to me.

I plan to initiate a healthy habit of mine and just abandon my Twitter, IG, and DeviantArt altogether from posting artwork.

In terms of Twitter, that includes both my main/personal and my Obey Me! fandom Twitter (I'm still a fan and play the game, I just lost interest in putting my energy into posting art there). The leave was rather abrupt and decided at the turn of a dime, but I feel resolute with all this! I won't hesitate to move on and find something better for me as a creative. I want to go back to how things were for me in the past: before I allowed social media into my life. Where I had no socials to worry about, and just let my imagination and creativity and fun times run rampant. Because I realized my best times creatively was when I never used sites like Twitter (or even knew it existed). I had no interest in seeking outside validation. I shared what I would create, yes, but it would be out of passion and because I personally was proud and happy with what I created and KNEW my worth, and I had a desire to let the world know. But leading up to now, when I do this, it's out of seeking validation... and falling into that trap led me to forget to validate myself from within.

While I will stop sharing my art on those places, I won't entirely stop posting new art – OCs & fanart, both one-off pieces and bigger projects – on the internet.

From now on, my main focus of posting new artwork is on Artfol, Toyhouse, and here!

I feel a lot more comfortable posting on Artfol mostly, and Toyhouse I use an an OC archive. Here, while I do post art, I mostly use this site as an excuse to just ramble on about whatever. Here, not everything I post is artwork.

So yeah, I just wanted to type this all out! While I don't consider Tumblr as a site I'd actively use, you can still expect me to post here every now and then.

I want to post art to Artfol, Tumblr, and Toyhouse, to limit how many places I post at once, but to still have a voice in creative form. Somewhere. I just won't give my attention, energy, or focus to Twitter anymore. Or Instagram. Or DeviantArt.

This came out longer than expected,, but I just wanted to post this uodate here! See ya!

[sunriseintropicisle]

Things that makes me happier

I gave up posting number in front of my post title, initially it was to mark whether I reach the goal of posting a writing every week, which made me had to post 52 writings for the year of 2021, and by this point I am pretty sure I am not gonna reach that number so yes, we can forget it. 

So I personally feel like recently I am in a better state of being, and have lots of idea coming up in my head. While I still religiously write on my handwritten journal, I feel like writing, in case my nonexistent reader would like to know, or give some inspirations. Lol, like who you are. 

No, really, I am just really believe in sharing, and I would love to know if my mundane knowledge or experience be insightful even to only one other person. Because I myself found multiple times that a knowledge/sharing that someone posted online impacted me greatly - hence I am just thinking about the other me who may be seeking the things I am about to say/share. 

Things that makes me happier are:

Intermittent Fasting

I have been doing IF for 2 weeks now, and yeah, it makes me feel good. I started initially because, duh, like everyone else, I wanted to lose weight. Some might want to kick me in the ass for saying such thing, and assure me that I have normal body and yada yada. And, as straight forward as it is - I just want to be as skinny as possible. Hahaha. Maybe it is something to do with me very sold into the standard beauty, or maybe it’s got to do with something in the past - I was quite cheeky. 

However, even though I always say that I want to lose weight, over the years I have never really made the effort. Some days I took it hard some days it just a normal day, me eating this and that and whatnot. But then I have noted the intention of  me wanting to be so skinny, on top of those beauty standard I believe have huge impact in me and a quite hard time in the past for being cheeky is because it simply makes me feel lighter, not holding anything within my body. Because for the context and some TMI, I have a not so good digestion, so yeah. There was a period of the time that I often I feel stuffed and bloated - which felt so uncomfortable, that I can’t stand working while sitting because I felt my stomach is getting on my way.

I tried IF a while back, and it worked for me, so now I decided to try it again now. Intention achieved. I believe it was because the time window for eating that pool all the food I eat in a day to be only consumed for certain times (I do 7 hours, my best convenience). I used to eat on times where, looking back, I was not really hungry, you know. Like breakfast - turned out (I don’t know why I forget about this) that I am not a breakfast person. All through high school I don’t remember myself sitting, eating breakfast in my uniform. 

But then I just picked up a habit of eating breakfast while my stomach is actually not really ready for it, which end up making me feel bloated that last long all through lunch and pretty much for the day - and then without me knowing the new day has begin, and the cycle starts all over. 

So yeah, IF had helped me to be to schedule my eating time which made my digestion works better I guess, and no more me having a bloated stomach constantly.

Quitting Social Media

Finally I succeed in cutting myself with social media. This, I also had tried in the beginning of the pandemic I guess - went on without social media for weeks and at that time I really felt the benefit and all, until I came back to social media and can not disconnect ever since. Even though I have been wanting to detox myself, but at the same time I felt really dependent on it.

It took me one lows moment of life to finally be able to went cold turkey about disconnecting. It was when I felt frustrated on Twitter news where every day it seems like there were a bad news - people died, people lost jobs, people complaining, the news about our incompetent and corrupt government and so on. Without me realizing, it took a toll on myself. Other than that was me who checking in Linkedin constantly at the time and seeing my friends’ profile whose climbing up the corporate ladder, while I was unsure and questioning whether I am in the right place (sounds like the problem of these days youth who lives in their own bubble, yeah?). 

So one Friday where I had one of my breakdown, I went MIA for the weekend to the people who are close to me, as well as to my social media. It’s only been 2 weeks now, but it is safe to say that I can reclaim myself within these times, suddenly lots of thinking came up to me, as if all these times the bad news maybe somewhat oppress it or something. And, I also feel more certain about what is going on my mind/heart. 

I believe quitting social media has its downside as well, as like I really am not having an update on the news (90% of my news source is Twitter - how sad yet could not be truer for most of us), I completely blind on our Covid update I even think that Covid is slowing down in the territory. Yeah, as expected you lose win some as well as you lose some, but for now at leas, I decided to win for myself. 

Olympic 2020

I have never watched Olympic before, as far as I remember. Nor that I care about it. But this time is different. I believe the fact that we are on privilege to be in the safety of home have a huge part in me having the opportunity to watch the Olympic - thanks for that. For almost two weeks I was hooked to my TV, even one time I was on my TV from 6am to 10pm and watched all the games they aired. 

To have the company to watch was a big advantage as well. As now I have my sibling in the house, I teamed up with my sister to watch the Olympic, we both did not know that we enjoyed it so much that we invested in each game we watched. We cheered for athletics, we scream for badminton, we gasped for weightlifting. It was a very fun experience. For almost two weeks I change my work station in front of the TV and so did my sister. 

On top of that, what made Olympic special and very intrigued me was the diversity of the athletes. I guess I just did not exposed to such diversity as it was presented in the Olympic. I was presented with some very foreign countries whose name I hardly heard, or the people whose features were different one another. 

Questions like why some sports dominated my a certain race while other sports dominated by others also popped out in my head. And not to mention my awed to each of these Olympian athletes when they perform their sports, I always wonder what it takes for them to be there right now - how many years of training, how much tears were sacrificed and relationships had to be let go. There were just so many elements of the Olympics that made me really drawn and invested in it. 

Youtube

Surprise, surprise. 

Well, my attraction to Youtube recently was different because of the previous para - Olympic. Because of getting really drawn into the Olympic athlete, I was searching lots of reference videos. And as we all know how we are being spied and we are mere a number for these big tech companies, they get to know me better know and present me with more content that I love (or else I had never discovered). 

I am not sure what I searched previously, but Youtube chose that I now an avid cultural researcher, jk. Yeah, I watched a lot about something culture-related on Youtube because it is funny, looking back, I was once really attracted to be a global citizen and what not (what a flavor of youth!!), traveling the world, meeting people from other countries, make impact in the NGO (before long I know the NGOs are mostly funded by big corporations as well, heart breaking reality for me). 

What I am saying is that the savvy man-made tech of Youtube has made me rediscover my old interest about culture! And I just actually learn that you can learn a lot from Youtube’s comment section, which debates often open up you to things which are (1) people can comment based on data and have every intention to educate other people; and (2) people more often be ignorant, and how much you are on the right stance, with the wrong people, you can still be, yeah wrong. 

Somehow the lesson I gained in the Youtube’s comment section was really grounding to me to realize these polar of people, and in the end what you can do is only simply be you because after all, people really will hold on to their own opinion and belief. 

Jigsaw Puzzle 

RECCOMENDED 100/100. Damn, wasn’t it a good choice when one day I decided to try out jigsaw puzzle to entertained myself while waiting my partner to reply my chat message? 

On the one of the breakdown moment I mentioned I believe that I had to have distraction and I thought of either a puzzle or a coloring book. I ended up buying both, but I am positive that I am more drawn to jigsaw puzzle. I first ordered a 1500 piece puzzle and when it first came, I kind of secretly afraid that I will give up. Also my mother being my mother and she was pessimist that I would finish the puzzle. 

But one time I was just playing by myself, not expecting anything or even asked anyone to help me (afraid that I put too much task on other people), yet my sister helped me out, and a while after my mom helped we out as well. Resulting in the puzzle finished in 3 days. Soon after I order new puzzle, and so did my sister. Her order came first and it was a 1000 pieces puzzle, which we finished in 2 hours (boo, it turned out to be too easy), and now we are opening up our 3rd puzzle and tried to work on it. 

I am just really happy that I discovered it, it is really great way to bond and filling time. And every time I successfully put the pieces together - that just very satisfying feelings! I believe I will have more and more puzzle to come in the near future. 

--

I hope one of the thing above will work out for you and make you happier as well as it had affected me. 🤗

[dailyaudiobible]

03/18/2021 DAB Transcript

Numbers 26:52-28:15, Luke 3:1-22, Psalms 61:1-8, Proverbs 11:16-17

Today is the 18th day of March welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it's wonderful to be here with you today as we do what we do, which is take steps forward. Kind of hard…I don’t even know how we would take a step backward and read the Bible in reverse or something but we’re here to take steps forward. The only way is forward. So, let's dive in. We’re reading from the God's Word translation this week and we’re in the book of Numbers chapter 26 verse 52 through 28 verse 15 today.

Commentary:

Okay. In the book of Numbers today we have begun a transition and it’s gonna take us a while to get through this transition. But it's a major major transition, a transition of leadership, a passing of the torch as it were from Moses, who we've been traveling with so long…like a long time now - many many miles together with Moses, many trials and many of…of God's miraculous deeds and provision for His people. So, that transition is…is beginning. It will take us a minute to get there because we’ll conclude the book of Numbers less than a week from now but then we will enter the final book of the Torah, the book of Deuteronomy. And, so, we won't be leaving Moses. Deuteronomy really is the last speeches or discourses of Moses to the people, to the people that he's been leading before he dies. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We’ll talk about that when we get there. But there is a transition beginning here now, where God is instructing Moses that he will leave…leave the scene basically, leave the stage, die, join his ancestors and then we will continue to move on without Moses. Joshua is being commissioned to take the place of Moses in the future when Moses is gone. Ironically, Joshua or Yehoshua, or Yeshua in Hebrew might sound familiar because it's the same name as Jesus and this name means God's salvation. And, so, we see connecting threads and ironically they’re very…they're very connected in our reading today because when we turn to the book of Luke we are at the very inauguration or consecration of…of Jesus who is at the Jordan River being baptized by John and he comes up out of the water and the Spirit comes down on him and says, “you are my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” The irony is that Joshua is being commissioned to lead the people forward. Jesus is God's son, leading the people forward and we have shared names with shared meanings with redemptive threads with stories of redemption kind of tying a thread between the two today. And we’ll be able to watch both of those stories unfold before us in great detail as we continue our journey forward.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for all these connecting points that connect over centuries in the Scriptures of an ongoing redemptive thread that winds its way into our lives as well as we carry the story forward. And, so, come Holy Spirit into all that we've read today. Plant it into the soil of our lives. We continue to open ourselves to You fully inviting You to rearrange our lives, shape us, conform us to Your image we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com, that's home base, it’s where the Global Campfire is burning, it’s where we all come together in this virtual community. And, so, be familiar with that.

Check out the…the Community section. Of course, on the web or in the app you can do these things. So, on the web there's like, you know, a navigation up at the top and you’d be looking for the Community section. If you’re in the app you would just push the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner and look for the Community section. But this is where the different links to get connected on social media are. This is also where the Prayer Wall lives. And, so, we are a community of prayer and we have done a really, really beautiful job of praying for each other over these years through…I mean…we have brought each other through some really, really difficult things over these years. And God has honored that and been in it with us. And, so, Prayer Wall is always on. You never have to be without. You got stuff going on, you can poste it on the Prayer Wall and brothers and sisters will pray.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage. If you are using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart or the top of my heart, from a full heart, from a heart that’s in awe that this is even happening. I’m grateful that we’re in this together. Thank you for your partnership.

And, as always, if you have prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

DAB family Kathleen Mount Zion IL I am calling today…I tried calling earlier on my way to work and for some reason I just kept redoing and redoing these recordings. So, I finally just stopped and said I will just wait till after work. But I just wanted to pray. I…I read something about Nigeria again and Nigeria’s always been dear to my heart. I have called in the past. It's been a couple of years at least calling for Nigeria and every once in a while, I call in about that. But I'm just asking you to pray with me right now because there was another recent kidnapping of Christian children right out of their school. They've done this before. The last time the girls came back many of them had children they had been forced into marriage with Islamic extremists. And, you know, I just…it's just awful. Anyway, just pray with me. Lord Jesus I pray for Nigeria. I pray for this country Lord. There are many many Christians in Nigeria. Lord you are the King of all, you are the one’s…with you we can walk on water we can move mountains and I pray that the people of Nigeria the Christians of Nigeria will bind together, they were bind together and they will force Boca Ram out of their country and they will first however retrieve what has been lost, their lost children, lost young Christians. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ.

Hi this is Gloria calling from Florida. This call is for Tammy from the Adirondacks. She is in remission from ovarian cancer. I don't know what you're going through, but I want you to take comfort in a God who loves you. He has healed your cancer and He can also heal your heart and your mind in what you're going through right now. Jesus came to bind the broken hearted. Take heart that He has overcome. I pray that you would wear the full armor of God, the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith and yield the sword of the Spirit of the word and pray. I pray that you reach out to those that are close with you, that you share your burdens with them so they can help you carry this burden. I’m so glad that you called so that we could pray for you. In Jesus’ name. Amen. We love you.

Hey DABbers, this is Keira from Denver I am so grateful to God for everything He’s done for me. And y’all I would like continued prayer for my son, Nish. Tonight…today was the second day this week that I had to call the police because…because I had concern for my own safety in regards to my son. The earlier one last Tuesday they took him to the hospital and they…he went to the psych unit but then he got released the next day. Tonight, they took him to the hospital again and this time they took him to this city detox place. And I know this place is not that great. It’s not a rehab and it’s not a lockup. He can leave anytime. But I pray that he stays till…until tomorrow and I pray…I pray and I would like for you…you guys to stand in prayer with me that he…everyone he comes in contact with…with is Spirit filled and Christ filled and can give him guidance. And I pray that maybe this is…this is the moment, this is the moment that Nish makes a decision to change and that he can actually go into a rehab and get the help he needs. And he’s had these issues of psychosis ever since 2012 but he’s continued using drugs this whole time. So, it’s just a compounding of problems. And please pray, please pray everybody with me. Thank you. I love you DAB…

Good morning friends and family this is Justified Smile I am a new listener from late last year and this is my first time calling. It is the morning of March 16th and I just heard C’s prayer request about her postpartum depression and her feelings of worthlessness. And also, just last night dear friend and sister of mine that I’ll call M texted me last night about suicidal thoughts asking for prayer. I’ve seen in the past year that a spirit of death haunts this world. So, I ask you all to join me in prayer. Jesus, teach us to pray. Lord You are King, comforter and shepherd. You are goodness and life. And in Your name, we repel death from the hearts and mind of C and M and all Your children who it attacks along with its every backup replacement and contingency. Let Your life and joy rule in the lives of Your children. Protect those who pray for retaliation and comfort, those who have been hounded and antagonized. Keep us good Shepherd. All this for Your glory oh God my sovereign King.

Hello everyone, I wanted to ask for some prayer today. Been listening for a while and this is…Daily Audio Bible’s really been an encouragement to me. Last year I had a…a pulmonary embolism and it’s kind of been…otherwise been really healthy but it’s kind of since last year seem to have gone downhill. So, I had this embolism and then about…about a month ago I started getting these really bad migraines and…and some double vision. Went to the doctor and he told me to get an MRI. It came back with a…a…a…s brain tumor that’s 3.4 cm. It’s called an acoustic neuroma that kind of grows in my ear next to my brain but it’s pushing against my brainstem. And, you know it…it…it…it…it would be pretty dangerous. They’re gonna have to take it out in the next couple weeks. So, I am praying for obviously as a successful surgery but I’m also praying…there’s…there’s two risks. They…they have already told me I’ll probably lose my hearing in my right ear but also the…the risk that…that…that is possible is kind of almost permanent, is Bell’s palsy because it’s right there on the facial nerve as well. So, just praying for that, praying for my family. I can’t drive right now because…because my double vision and so my wife’s having to take me around everywhere and we have three small boys. So, I really…I pray…I pray for the prayers. I have lot’s of people praying for me but if, you know, more…more people going to the Lord on my behalf would be amazing. The only last thing I pray well…

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Jorja Smith has unveiled a standout new video for latest track ‘By Any Means’. The powerful video (directed by Otis Dominique and Ellington Hammond) shines a spotlight on communities across the UK, complimenting the track’s vital message around social issues and the civil rights movement. As noted by Jorja about the track: "The inspiration behind 'By Any Means' really came from going to the Black Lives Matter protest and leaving thinking, what can I do to keep this conversation going? It’s not just a post on social media, it's life.” ‘By Any Means’ is the first track to be unveiled from a new project titled ‘Reprise’, curated by the team at Roc Nation with the sole aim of bringing awareness to social justice issues. A portion of proceeds will go to funding organisations that support victims of police brutality, hate crimes, and other violations of civil rights. [via Dork]

Madison, WI-bred and Chicago-based band Slow Pulp recently announced Moveys, their self-produced debut album, and shared its first single 'Idaho.' Now the band shares another song off of the forthcoming record, entitled 'Falling Apart.' The track, featuring Alex G collaborator Molly Gemer on violin, is accompanied by a fantastical music video about feeling lost in a familiar landscape. Director Jake Lazovick, places Emily in a transient world, surrounded by flying objects and missing pieces. The clip features nostalgic animations, body doubles for social distancing purposes, and an homage to Massey's background as a ballet dancer. Read more about the song from Massey below: "As we were finishing up writing the album my parents got into a serious car accident and I came back home to help take care of them. A couple of weeks later COVID-19 started getting worse in the US, and quarantine began. Life felt completely surreal, everything had drastically changed and at such a rapid pace. It was especially strange because everyone was experiencing the same thing at the same time, but couldn’t be physically with each other to support each other. I felt like I couldn’t process any emotions I had about the whole ordeal because I had to keep it together to take care of my family. It became easier to stay numb, and create a facade that I was doing ok, than it was to release any type of healthy emotion for a long time. Luckily I did allow myself to have a full on breakdown induced by a stubbed toe and confusion over taxes, sometimes it’s the littlest things that finally get you."

Soap Detox met a party, and somehow their friendship sustained during the lengthy hangover that followed. A frisky Swedish three-piece with a lust for melody and good times, their raucous garage-pop is already making waves in their homeland. A full EP is incoming, with Soap Detox trailing this with their irresistible new single 'Give Me Gore'. A three minute fuzz pop wonder, it's a clanking, cheeky, subversive statement from a group who thrive on such things. The video features their shorn-headed lead singer in full form, accompanied by her band mates. Directed by Evelyn Del Carmen and Ebba Sylvan, you can check it out above. [via Clash]

It’s been a decade since we’ve heard from multi-hyphenate musician and producer The Angel, who last made a splash as a musician in 2009 with her single 'Ultra Light,' which featured the singer/producer Jhelisa on vocals. Focusing more on her career in film/TV composition and music production in recent years, she’s planning to return to recording her own music later this year with a new LP entitled Xtra Sensory Goodness. Now we’re getting the first taste of this project, which is yet another collaboration with the vocalist Jhelisa. “Jhelisa and I have become close friends over the years,” she explains. “There’s a lot of sisterly love and mutual respect between us, so Jhelisa already understood the mournful weight of the track before I asked to feature her. I’m always grateful that she’s willing to experiment with me because it’s not something she does lightly. Jhelisa beautifully channels the essence of whatever emotion needs to come through in the most evocative and visceral way.”  The song arrives beautifully packaged with an entrancing video directed by none other than Mark Pellington (along with co-directors Sergio Pinheiro and Sweeten), known for his concert docs for Pearl Jam, INXS, and The Flaming Lips, as well as an extensive music-videography including iconic visuals for Public Enemy, Nine Inch Nails, and plenty more artists. “I wanted the song to sound like a memory, like you’ve entered someone else’s dream space,” The Angel continues, noting how the video perfectly syncs to the song’s mood. “The emotion is contained, very internal, so I juxtaposed a vocal vulnerability against a driving, incessant rhythm, where you can feel the underlying tension at the same time as experiencing the gentle plea, ‘Where’s my shelter…?’” [via Flood]

A few weeks ago, Ciara gave birth to her son Win. Last night, she shared a video that she evidently recorded while she was very, very pregnant. Ciara’s new song 'Rooted' is a statement of Black pride, a clear statement of solidarity with the protest movement that’s swept across America and the rest of the world these past few months. It’s a hard, kinetic track with vocals from the songwriter Esther Dean. But the song, at least right now, feels more like a vehicle for the video. Like a lot of Ciara videos, the 'Rooted'” clip is built around bodies dancing. In this one, though, one of those bodies belongs to Ciara, who dances with her belly exposed and who looks like she’s about to give birth any second. To watch someone dance this hard while that pregnant is an actual marvel, a near-superhuman feat. The 'Rooted' video is full of Black iconography, and it features the faces of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. All throughout, Ciara presents an image of motherly strength. Annie Bercy directs. [via Stereogum]

Hazel English releases the new video for her single ‘Five And Dime’ taken from her debut album Wake UP! which is out now on Marathon Artists. ‘Five and Dime’ is a woozy, idyllic view into Hazel’s world, which is built on timeless-sounding melodies, retro-tinged soundscapes and a knack for resonant lyrics. The mid-tempo number is reminiscent of the playful love songs of ’60s pop, as Hazel frustratedly muses on a love interest who is consuming her thoughts and detracting from her focus, “Gotta get away cause you’re taking up all of my time / You know I need my space so I’m heading to the Five and Dime.” Speaking about the new video, Hazel says: “'Five and Dime' is about longing for escape and freedom so I thought it would be fun to create an idyllic beach vacation, constructed from a set with cardboard cut out waves and fake palm trees. The idea behind it is that while I'm fantasizing about escaping to a tropical place, it's clear I'm just kind of stuck in this pretend version of it. I wanted to evoke the nostalgia of Hollywood musicals from the '50s and '60s, complete with dance choreography and bright colourful costumes.”

Katy Perry has released her second video for 'Smile,' featuring the pop star playing a video game version of herself as she battles giant spiders, circus trapeze acts and more while dressed as a clown. Much of the video is in CGI, with a live-action Perry playing the video game in her house (while also dressed as a clown). [via Rolling Stone]

Global superstar, Miley Cyrus has unveiled 'Midnight Sky,' a track that showcases a new direction for the always evolving artist.  The song, which was inspired by the past year of her life, is accompanied by a video that Miley self-directed.  In creating the song and video, Miley drew from strong female musical icons, like Stevie Nicks, Joan Jett, and Debbie Harry, who have always been so generous, and have been her greatest allies and inspiration.  The video showcases Miley as her true self: unapologetic, diverse, sexy, confident, experimental, and strong. The video takes viewers through Miley’s creative vision which displays her complete control of the narrative often told through the mouths of the media. Miley is at peace with who she is and has nothing to prove. As a musician she continues to push boundaries and experiment with her sound and look. Miley has proven to be many things, but boring is not one of them.

Chelsea Collins is nonconformist pop singer with a vision. For the captivating new 'Water Run Dry,' a collaboration with rapper, singer and fellow Bay Area-native 24kGoldn, Collins's infectious pop melodies glide over a hypnotic beat. Relatable lyrics about a faltering relationship reveal a depth of experience for the 21-year-old, with a wistful chorus lamenting, "there's no good in goodbye." The Roxana Baldovin-directed visuals for the track are an eyeful — Collins and 24kGoldn play house in an oversized, colorful California dollhouse, interspersed with images of a little girl playing with literal Barbies. The message? "I wanted this song and video to execute the world that's inside of my head — somewhat similar to a weird vintage rom com where at first the drama of love is so toxic, passionate and thrilling but eventually my lover and I have a happy ending," Collins tells NYLON. "Unfortunately reality isn't as fun and it kinda feels like some cranky dude is controlling your path, who's lowkey salty whenever something feels too amazing," she continues. "My intuition will tell me to run, but I'm notorious for acting like a Stepford wife, trying to recreate my past feelings yet they're all super robotic. Maybe one day I'll get lucky and love won't have to be so bittersweet, but until then I'll learn to smile even when things blow up in my face." [via NYLON]

Kali Uchis shared the visuals for her latest single 'Aquí Yo Mando' on Monday. Featuring a verse in Spanglish by Rico Nasty, the single is Kali's first release since her TO FEEL ALIVE EP from earlier this year. The Phillipa Price-directed clip finds the pair on a weapons-filled rampage, dropping bodies in underground parking lots and filming each other along the way. With co-production by reggaeton hitmaker Tainy, the booming track sees Uchis assertively laying some ground rules over trappy 808s. "Haces todo lo que diga (You do everything that I say)," she raps. “Si estás conmigo solo mando yo (If you’re with me, only I call the shots).” [via The FADER]

[sageadrianwhite]

***trigger warning possible***

With good news tho

So 2 weeks away as of this Saturday from 7 years clean!!! I've managed nearly for 7 years not to fall back on drugs & drinking. I've managed for almost 7 years not to starve myself either. I struggle in my 20's to not self harm, but always stop myself where I've maybe done one and realized stopping myself.

I've managed to get worlds better I remember being 19 an addict thinking I wouldn't see 21. I was almost right September 5th 2013 about a month before my 20th birthday. I nearly took my own life due to losing someone I loved, after I had found my one, when I had finally gotten free massive truma and the abuse of my ex. The guy I was with who was also my best friend in this world and was the one of the only reasons I was beating my addictions at the time. He was stood by me and pushing me for my best and to finally get better after a 5 year struggle to overcome the truma I've been though. I was the teen you hear about with a Micky or 2-6er taped under the bed frame. A stash of drugs hidden in a buildabear. The "rich kid" that couldn't handle the pressure of being the perfect Islamic daughter and live up to the perfect image keeping it all together spending lots on products and makeup to look not like an addict So my parents, friends and teachers didn't know. It doesn't make it easier when your abusive fiancee at the time gives you the option to be beaten or do the drugs or have your face forced in them and they have their way after.... I was a dumb 18 year old, but I'm the islamic culture not uncommon from 18-26 to marry.

It broke me when a boyfriend of mine died. It went two weeks no contact as of the night we said I love you the first time when he told me he had to pick up his drunk abusive father from the bar.......I told him to be careful and text me when hes home safe turns out he told his dad about us. His father was upset and enraged he was dating a girl who was 19 when he had just turned 18.... so his father grabbed the wheel jerking it. They hit a pole. He died on impact my then boyfriend. His father died 2 days later in hospital.

I found out two weeks later when his mom got into his Skype and called me saying shes glad she finally got in to his social media so she could let me know as he only knew his passwords.

That night My abusive ex found me when I went to the bar. I wanted to drown for a night the feeling of loss as it was the first true close loss I have had to deal with by then and was planning to then get back to sobriety the next day from finding out my boyfriend had died.

That night my abusive ex gave me drugs and convinced me to kill myself before leaving the bar with my ex best friend he cheated with. The fact he made me believe with the abuse, bullying, learning disabilities and mental illness I was the problem and believe I was better off dead due to being hammered and in a severe grieving state..

I don't remember anything after taking the drugs just waking up in my bed at home about 5 in the morning with a damp feeling all around my blanket and sheets, my room smelt coppery, my mouth tasted like a penny, but I was sitting up hugging my knees cold as hell. I felt the urge to pee so I got up fast not thinking and ran to the bathroom soon as I went past the mirror I saw the fact I was all bloody. I had unconsciously self harmed myself to the point I had 167 cuts on my body between my arms, ribs, thighs, ankles and hips. I felt dizzy looking at myself covered in blood trying to stop it. I lost conciousness and fell I hit my cheek on the way down which to this day causes me the odd facial pain due to if I had hit it any harder I would have broke the bone in my cheek and end up needing cosmetic surgery. I passed out waking up 20 mins later. I remember forcing myself to get up falling straight down to a near passout state lying there unable to move call for help or anything. I had still been bleeding and I had fading in and out consciousness at that point and somehow I heard his voice telling me "it isnt my time, I've got so much to do and this isnt where my story ends. I need to get up, I am meant for much better things than this and he better no be seeing me any time soon that when everything feels lost fight against all odds. Prove everyone wrong that you will see 25 and be something"

I somehow pushed myself up fading in and out of consciousness and stumbled bloody down the hall half using the wall and crawling till I managed to get my moms bedroom door open as I managed to grab her ankle and raspiley say "mom I need help I'm sorry"

I passed out again just as she sat up in shock looking at what I looked like last thing I remembered was the horror on her face and. When I came to my mom had saved my life and my little sister who was 13 was crying thinking she was gonna lose me. My mom she had stopped the bleeding, and made me throw up while unconscious to sober and get some of the drugs out which saved my life and she got me drinking wholy detox tea soon as I could drink and swallow plus some watermelon for the sugars.

After I spent 2 months with a massive black eye and healing cuts covering my body. That night I almost died and my mom saved my life on what would have been my little sister's first day of high school, September 5th 2013. I got help I joined therapy, I went to AA in secret till 5 months in when i had a routine, I went to NA for 4 months till I had a solid plan and was sober, started looking at programs for my mental illness and learning disorders. By 21 I had been a year an a month sober.

Now at 26 years old I've been almost 7 years sober as of September 5th 2020.

It will be 7 years sober and clean. I own my own business, I travel, I have my physical health for the first time in 10 years almost and I have the most loving, understanding, compassionate, sweet funny and kind guy possible

These days I couldn't be happier healthier and luckier to be here after what I went through life is too short to be filled with misery and hate and too short to waste being disillusioned by a fake happiness created by chemicals that arent good for you. I remember the monster I was and my lash outs and after seeing others addictions I know what I sadly put my loved ones through.

Please if you need help go seek it it's never too late because addiction is only ment to destroy you and everything you love so please don't let it win and get help

I don't post much besides the odd photo of myself here and there on my tumblr, but too many people I've cared about in my life I've lost them to drugs, I almost lost myself 7 years ago. I've had people who did drugs and turned abusive or into a monster losing themselves in the process of thinking they are medicating their issues like I did. So please if you suffer go get help it may be an underlying reason of why you have addiction mine is due to BPD (Boraderline personally disorder) which also has its issues with impulse control.

Just please get help its never to late to get treatment. Please do not wait till you get where I was. To this day I still deal with lasting effects from being a addict in my formative teen years. Odd stomach pains, not often hungry, a valve issue better my kidneys and bladder, facial pain from the fall and some digestive issues, plus old injuries that didnt heal right due I medicated for because I couldn't lose my sports or music & theater. Addiction is no joke please get help before if destroys you and everything you hold dear to you.

[the-wanderess-witch]

My first Mabon pt.1 🍂🍁✨

Hello dearests! I’ve missed this soooo much!! 

I can happily report I survived last school year and did a little detox this summer from most social medias so that I was well rested for this semester. I’ve taken a break from so many things, including all things witchy, mainly to stay focused. I slowly came back to it this summer but now I’m fully back on it! 

This was my first official Mabon. Last year I didn’t observe it (rahter I observed it from a distance lmao), because it wasn’t until Samhain that I felt confident. Mabon is a little underrated in my opinion. It is such a beautiful time to celebrate, and definetly one of my favourite moments of the year. This is part one, because celebrations wont be over until the 29th, and I intend on stretching it until then! 

As of now, this is what I’ve been doing :) 

I made sure the 21st I was in my country home. I’m very fortunate, my family bought a new home in the countryside and it is a literal fairytale up here. That day I slept in, I woke up at around 10 am and had a hefty breakfast. Fresh bread with warm milk and honey (I like to keep it simple when produce is sooo yummy, everything we buy here is local and organic). My dad likes to play jazz music in the morning in his little speaker, so I was in a beautiful mood. I did some spicy yoga right after (I’m still sore, it’s been two days). Yoga has been a new incorporation to my craft lately, it is a wonderful grounding excercise. As soon as i was done, and before showering I went outside, with my big brown boots and my red poncho (it rained on and off all day), to go greet my plants and tend to their needs. I ended up spending the rest of the morning picking hazelnuts and walnuts from the litle grove that’s in the back of the garden. I made sure to only keep the ones that weren’t already “claimed” (meaning if it had a hole in it, it wasn’t mine to take. My family just goes and takes them all and then throws away the “claimed” ones, but those nuts also feed the squirrels and the mice in the garden. We can all have our little bit of it 😊). I also picked some acorns to bless and have as talismans for me and my friends. I had a good meal with beautiful company for lunch and I spent the rest of the day tending the frontyard and indoor plants. It was such a wholesome day. 

These are the beautiful hazelnut trees 💚

On Sunday I had to travel back to my house, so I couldn’t do much, but today I’ve picked up where I left off!

Today I blessed some of the hazelnuts, that I’ve incorporated into my altar (my altar is not fully done, I’ll post a picture of my updated one this week) and charged a milky quartz to carry with me (for clarity, inner peace and spiritual grounding). I also did a small cleansing of my room (if even one person is interested in my cleansing ritual I’ll happily post it 💚) and I did a cleansing ritual in the shower for myself (I brought in the milky quartz, it got really fun). 

For some reason it feels right to eat as simple and raw as possible, so I dont have anything remotely processed, I’m also reducing meat (I can’t be a vegetarian just now for health reasons) and having seasonal spices with literally everything. 

My only advice for this time is to take things slow. To stress a little less and give more importance to what’s right in front of you, and be mindful of the waning of this seasonal cycle. If you do that, I believe you can already say you’re celebrating Mabon :) 

See you in a couple of days! Blessings everyone 💚💚💚

(I will be posting a Mabon original recipe soon 👀👀👀)

All pics taken by me