thebookishlydiaries

[thebookishlydiaries]

Introduction :)

Hi everyone, This feels weird… I’ve had a blog for a while over on Tumblr under the name ShadowLight and now I’ve had a revamp. ShadowLight is no more. TheBookishlyDiaries is now my new name!!! 🙂 I go by Shadow and I am 17 years old. I am a student about to enter my first year of a BA Production Arts. My Production Arts course entails learning about everything that happens behind the scenes…

[thebookishlydiaries]

It is a very long time since I've posted on here 😂.

I just came back from a really long technology detox. A holiday to Greece with little to no technology or social media for 2 weeks and I feel pretty great 😊

It was unusual and strange to begin with but by the 3rd and 4th day I was picking up my phone less and less, no longer feeling a need to scroll mindlessly through Instagram or Tumblr or Youtube. I was just in the moment, enjoying the sun, reading books, swimming.

And I feel incredible. That's not to say I haven't had a few wobbles, I definitely have. Yesterday was one of the biggest, but I'm still happy, just remembering how to stand strong and cope with it all without burying it leaving it to build up over time.

I'm looking to the future instead of the past, with both a new mindset and a fresh point of view.

University? Bring it on 💪

[thebookishlydiaries]

nothing is as tender as annotating your favourite books. it’s like leaving a piece of your heart on the pages for somebody else to find.

[thebookishlydiaries]

as the leaves started falling off the trees, so were my thoughts of loneliness. as winter came closer, my livelihood did too. the bare white outside reflecting in his denim eyes; it was all i needed. the weather got uncomfortably colder, but all i needed was him, and i became content, even in the blithering frosty air. his kiss makes me forget why i ever doubted anything in my life, his tossed chestnut hair reminds me how to keep holding on gently, and his breath helps me remember why i never stopped mine. his gentle touch inspires my words, and now denim is always on my mind.

[thebookishlydiaries]

“You are in charge of your own happiness; you don’t need to wait for other people’s permission to be happy.”

— The Light in the Heart (via thoughtkick)

[thebookishlydiaries]

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.”

— Unknown

[thebookishlydiaries]

Have a fantastic day you delightfully chaotic people :]

[thebookishlydiaries]

The Card Game

TW: suicidal thoughts

I don't want it.

Take it away.

This set of cards I've been handed are wasted.

Give them to someone who can redefine it.

They'll cherish it.

Take. Mine. Away.

Let someone else play.

The hand I've been dealt and my knowledge of the game are both useless

The other player has been dealt worse.

If I could I'd give them mine,

They'd work smarter and harder,

If they had mine

Please.... give them mine.

~ Oskar ~

He played one too many games...

🃏🖤

[thebookishlydiaries]

I post this every year but it’s worth it to remind myself to plant flowers, in the garden and in my mind and whenever I get a chance, in the hearts of others.

[thebookishlydiaries]

“I belong wandering through old forests and laughing at candlelit taverns with friends. I belong frolicking in a field of wild flowers with faeries and butterflies and bees and wonderful winged folk. I belong on a ship, sailing across the seas and swimming in the waters of foreign caves. I belong in a circle under a clear nighttime sky, looking up at the full moon. I belong harvesting in gardens and sitting by a fireplace in a cozy home. I belong dancing around a fire, singing along with the sounds of flutes and drums. I belong amongst the sun and the moon.”

—

[thebookishlydiaries]

[thebookishlydiaries]

A few short verses to say a thousand things

There’s a comfort in our conversations A hint of longing in our voices Do we pretend not to notice? We live our lives We make choices

You are the deepest blue I am the lightest of green Together we form the trees and sky We are the earth The calming scene

We walk on roads that are parallel Kicking the dirt up off the ground I carry with me our white flag Through the dust We make no sound

[thebookishlydiaries]

Yesssss I agree 💗

you will come across people who won’t like you. who won’t find you funny, attractive or interesting. who won’t reciprocate your feelings or who’ll eventually lose feelings for you and end things. you’ll come across people who won’t agree with you. who aren’t interested in catching up. who have enough in the life they’re living.. without you. 

you’ll come across people who are simply not for you and that’s okay. what’s important is if they’re being respectful and decent towards you while being any of the aforementioned. are they honest? are they open and willing to communicate? are they speaking to you respectfully? do they honour your right to make your own decisions?

if yes, don’t villainise them. don’t shit talk them. don’t trash talk them. ‘cause they’re just different from you and/or not meant for you, and that’s okay. not everyone you come across are meant to stay.

if no, then honestly just turn around real quick and yeet the fuck outta there, dude!!! you got better things coming for you!!

[thebookishlydiaries]

They follow along,

In single file,

Like a trail weaving through the woods,

Never losing their way,

They'll reach the edge,

One day

~ 📸 H London

[thebookishlydiaries]

"Anxiety's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far."

So... I never thought I'd be writing something like this but I'm here for new routines at the moment.

This is my new idea, an unfiltered (mostly) blog post weekly. I'm missing blogging and at the moment the only thing I write is about how anxious I am and I am the only one that sees it so, I thought I'd post bits and pieces here

For starters I'm just going to explain, I have not been formally diagnosed with anxiety but I have received CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) to cope with a lot of symptoms that are related to social anxiety so I am pretty sure I have it.

I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks (both being absolutely horrible) and they sometimes cause me to miss important events and meetings that I shouldn't miss. I also miss lessons which, isn't particularly helpful, especially when you are a 2nd year college student who is about to take A-levels next year.

This quote was one of the first things I wrote in my journal that made any sense to me. The rest of it's contents (much like this blog post) were pretty messy and illegible, but this was the one thing that stood out with a very clear message.

The more you avoid anxiety much like when you push back on a rocking chair the further you will go and similarly the worse your anxiety will get.

Today was one of those days where the rocking chair tricked me and I ended up going flying because I held back so much that it became too much for me to hold it for that amount of time - Everyone has their bad days though 🤷🏻‍♀️

[thebookishlydiaries]

“You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say.”

—