y'know, it's kinda funny how the more stressed about life in general you are, the more you need that routine to get things done right, the more difficult it is to actually sleep/convince your body to leave the bed/actually go and do that thing.
and then when you want to just enjoy your time for a bit after doing a bunch of work, you find yourself sitting around scrolling through Reddit or Tumblr instead of doing that fun thing you promised yourself you'd do after getting some work done.
and then you feel bad that you didn't do that fun thing but also feel bad you didn't keep working since it wasn't worth stopping, so you're just kinda existing like 'what now?'
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I love how much Lucullus can't stand Pompey, and also this
Pompey the Great: A Political Biography, Robin Seager
with something from this thrown in for extra flavor
Crassus and Pompey, on the other hand, ridiculed Lucullus for giving himself up to pleasure and extravagance, as if a luxurious life were not even more unsuitable to men of his years than political and military activities.
Plutarch, Lucullus
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!
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"It takes guts to grow up like you did-- thousands of years simmering beneath every kind of oppression man could think of."
"With the sky kissing the crown of my head, knighting me with space to roam and the bravery to explore it [...] Big, open fields of barley and rivers like slivers of silver, marbling my veins."
"And yet you prefer...?"
"After all that life?" a breath, a laugh, caught between teeth. "Something cultivated by your own will-- the work, the dread, the sought resolution-- it is far grander than the possibility, the dream of it."
art by @fooltofancy (just. fantastic. look at them. !!!!)
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You know what the worst feeling I've been having lately is? Wanting more than anything to get back into Actual Art again but finding a sudden anxiety that stops me. Even if I'm still as capable as I was, it's the mental block. It's why I've all but kept commissions closed for this whole time: this overwhelming fear of letting people down. Especially in times as troubled as these, where money is tight, and patience is thin. I've always been blessed with such patient and considerate commissioners, but I would hate to test people because of my malfunctioning brat of a brain.
I just wish it came to me as easily as it did before the massive burnout/medication. But it's up to me to come up with my own motivation. And it's ME.
Anyway. Thanks as always for sticking around despite... all of this. I'll get back on the horse soon.
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Finally got to paint something a little more proper for my project. Paleolithic kids see a dragon come down from the sky 🐉
a few more doodles of my OCs Tam Kujo below >>
drew this one in the span of three days during class time :p. A few lines here and there while I wait for the prof to set up the slides and start the class. Kept going until I felt like not adding anymore.
two more
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i cannot stop thinking about anissa and marky though [COMIC SPOILERS]
how did he react when he learned what his mother did? just like mark, he lived a lie. he thought his mother was kind and nice — the only thing that is true is that she loved him, but now, he has no idea if he should believe it
and. you've grown up being conditioned to believe that violence is peace, and that kindness is a lie and a weakness. you hurt people. by hurting a person, by destroying him irreparably, you found the boy you love most: your son. and you don't regret it. you hope one day, once he sees him, he'll get it. but you still don't regret it. you can't say you're sorry
marky will grow up without his biological father, because when mark hugs him he can only remember his mother and what she did to him. your father can't love you the way your mom did. you can't love your mother the way your father loved his
the worst part is, that it she hadn't done it, you wouldn't have existed. you wouldn't be here. your father will grow to love you. you will grow to accept each other. but you tend to wonder — if he never sees you as anything else other than your mother's son, then who will you have when everyone else you know dies?
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