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bronanlynch · 6 months

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experimenting with different ways of organizing this post. shout out to bullet point lists. anyway once again I watched more television than doing anything else

listening (podcast):

new Palisade: very fun as usual! I love the Blue Channel crew so much and I am constantly so worried for them

Great Gundam Project: still very fun to hear how little they know about what is to come. also they got to the episode where Char comes back with a bunch of cool underwater robots and 1) god I miss Char I wish I too were watching an arc of Gundam that has Char in it and 2) shout out to the Gogg & Z'Gok, two of my fave suits in all of Gundam

Media Club Plus: once again they have good thoughts about Hunter x Hunter, truly cannot wait to hear Jack's reaction to the Illumi reveal

listening (music): Dance Apocalyptic by Janelle Monae because I'm stealing songs from my old Beam Saber campaign playlist to make a Partizan/Palisade playlist and that's on both

reading:

Imperial Uncle: got to a twist about halfway through that I was fully not expecting but it was very fun, and the story in now drastically different than I thought it would be when I started but I am still enjoying it a lot

The Death I Gave Him: one of the most interesting questions to me in any Hamlet adaptation/retelling is what to do with Gertrude, what her role in the murder was, etc, and I'm enjoying the way this novel handles that. shout out to unethical science milfs

watching:

TGCF: regarding last week's episode, since we watched it after last week's wednedsaypost: on one hand, beef of beefleaf fame! my beloved! they looked extremely good! ("op they were chained up & disheveled" yeah exactly) on the other, the racism and also the transmisogyny. not that any of this was surprising because it's in the novel too, but it sure sucks to have racist caricatures and also to repeatedly treat the gender shifting & crossdressing as a joke and/or with disgust. regarding this week's episode: rip to Hua Cheng :/ sorry your crush burned your house down :/ I don't remember this arc super well because it was kinda overshadowed (for me) by having Ghost City and then the start of book 2 on either side of it, and as primarily a beefleaf & Mu Qing main I have priorities

Bakeoff: so the technical was a shitshow in a way that is 100% on the judges for not giving them enough time like. sorry that's what it means when every single person underbakes it. however. I literally laughed so hard I was in physical pain when everyone was presenting their horrible liquid puddings so who could say if it was bad or not

Hunter x Hunter: I do love where Killua's arc goes but I also really enjoy this early bit where he's just incredibly competent & terrifying and kicks everyone's ass without breaking a sweat. good for him, sorry about what led you to this point tho

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: other things happened in the episodes that I watched but I will be honest, most of it is wiped away by the preview for next episode showing me an incredibly major character death. um. aside from that. I do like the battle sequences, I love when a show is a couple of guys in a room going "I think this is the enemy's plan, here's what we're going to do about it" and then you see some different guys in a different room going "this is our plan, I hope this is how they react to it" and so on. also I like the narrator as kind of like. a historical accounting of the events, both because I like stories about the narrative construction of history and also because it means everything happens on very specific dates and I love having clear ideas of timelines

ZZ Gundam: finished ZZ! in general I enjoyed it (though I still prefer Zeta) and there are some really fun moments, especially with the Gundam Team, and I like Haman a lot as an antagonist. I didn't realize how close we were to the end until we had like 4 episodes left because the pacing is. kind of interesting. lot more "going to a place and fucking around for a while" than I expected, and sometimes it works better than other times. most of my ~critiques are things I already said last week (the misogyny, the ways in which the critiques of western military intervention in Africa & southwest Asia fall flat due to the white saviorism & none of it really getting a chance to be developed properly, etc) so I'm not gonna go into all that again, but I am going to just mention one of the wildest things which is that they refer to Dublin as "a city in what used to be Britain" which is. a loaded thing to say in 2023 let alone in the 1980s. lmao

I'm in Love with the Villainess: a fun yuri isekai about someone with a shitty job who gets transported into the world of her favorite otome game except instead of giving a shit about any of the male love interests she just wants to spend all her time with the female antagonist. it's very light and silly, and we're watching it as a short break before diving into more Gundam. I do love it when there are lesbians and little hints of class conflict simmering just under the surface

playing:

Ace Attorney 5: some mixed feelings about what I've gotten through this week. I love to see Edgeworth and I'm so compelled by Aura & Simon (individually and also as siblings), but I don't like how Trucy continues to be incredibly sidelined, and whenever they talk about the "dark age of the law" I kind of feel like. ok. look. it is just factually incorrect that it's only now that people cheat in court and only care about winning, and also the idea that overturning one (1) false conviction will fix the problems of the legal system is laughable. especially considering 1) everything about Von Karma 2) Edgeworth's entire backstory and 3) the fact that Phoenix spent the 7 year gap inventing a new legal system that everyone forgot about I guess. anyway. I do love Aura a lot though

Blades in the Dark: finally was able to run another session in my Blades campaign, in which the party. checks notes. performed a reverse bank heist. and also a normal bank heist. sometimes you have to break into a bank to leave something in a specific vault and you steal some other stuff along the way

making: finished building Miorine, so she is no longer a disembodied head and can now stand on the shelf with her wife. I'm not a huge fan of some the proportions/posing of the model, she has. like. woman in a comic book proportions that she doesn't have in the actual show (Imo the worst of it is her arched spine which you can't see here but I was surprised because Suletta has just. a normal spine)

drinking: Down East's cider donut-flavored cider because, once again, I love a seasonal fun little drink. this one's not as dry as the equivalent Citizens Cider I posted about a couple of weeks ago but Down East's stuff does tend to be a little sweeter in general. extremely good though, to be clear

writing: I added a section to my wip doc for my Nirvana in Fire exchange fic and copied over my giftee's prompts but I have not started on it and other than that I've done no writing. oops.

#on one hand talking abt the things i do in a week makes me feel more like a real person who does things #on the other hand it's real depressing to have to say i didn't write at all #u win some u lose some i guess #dreaming.txt #weekly media roundup post

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transtalesofdoom · 2 months

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Rant on the legal process of changing your name (where I live). (It's not the US.)

!!! HI THIS IS NO LONGER ACCURATE !!! AS OF NOVEMBER 2024 THE PROCESS IS MUCH EASIER !!! WORKING ON A POST ABOUT IT !!!

Originally figured I should start this side blog with my (not actually) tragic backstory or something. But then I wanted to rant instead.

So here's the current situation on changing your name in Germany, where I live:

Absolute fucking bullshit. Currently, you need confirmation from two separate doctors (three in some places) that you are a trans man or woman to request a name change. You have to pay these evaluations yourself. This also enables you to change the gender marker on your ID. You can take an illegal shortcut by finding a doctor to forge papers saying you're intersex, which entitles you to change your name and gender marker.

There are plans to reform this policy by November into a new law that allows every person to declare their own name and gender within reason. You no longer need to provide any medical evidence, but your name and gender cannot be changed frequently (you must wait like, a year? three years? in between) and when changing back to a previous gender, you have to retake the name you had back then. Still leagues better than what we have right now.

Also the names you choose have to be actual legal names. They will check in an actual physical book if your name exists. Thankfully, Germany dropped the requirements for names to be clearly gendered a while ago, but we still have a bunch of restrictions on naming children. (And I am going to assume they apply to trans name changes too but there isnt much material on that.) As a fun sidenote, you can legally name your child Adolf if you have a valid reason for it, but you cannot name your child Judas. You know, because of the negative connotations.

Source for most of this: My good trans friend who has a 5-year head start on being trans and the bureaucratic shitshow that comes with it

#trans #trans rant #trans rights #trans wrongs #name change #legal bullshit #rant #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq

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okay-klepto · 3 years

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I just need to get my horny thoughts about August Walker out

we all know this is going to be nsfw, and idk how long this will be, so everything will be under the cut. Also, probably none of this is close to original thought. I'm just sick of this stuff being suck in my head all day.

Spoiler: it's angry!August, jealous!August, possessive!August, like-to-play-with-your-pussy-whenever-he-wants!August, torturous!August (then maybe a little bit of semi-soft!August)

It's a given that August is the one who is going to be in control in the bedroom, but I think about how that actually manifests.

The first option is that it comes out in the form of hard, rough sex. This is very August to me, but only after an incident, and there are two types of "incidents" that occur the most often

He's frustrated from work. Where it's just a day when no one did or said anything of value or coming home from a long, hard mission, he needs a way to let off steam. And you're perfect for doing that. When he does get back he wants things to happen pretty much right away. Sure, he can maybe wait until after dinner, but he'd prefer to blend you over the dining table and give you a good fucking right there. And you can always tell when he's gonna want it rough. He's quiet and pushes just a little. He's not worried about being neat, and he doesn't care about whether clothes are still half on or not. Once you're both exposed enough to get the deed done, he's in full force. No amount of crying and moaning is going to stop him from plowing you deep into whichever surface was closest (tho he does prefer the bed). He's rough and grunts and hold you hard enough to leave dark red marks on your skin. There are very few words spoken, most often the occasional "fuck" grunted out through gritted teeth. Sometimes he cums instead; sometimes he doesn't. Once everything is done, he has usually calmed down enough for you to cuddle up next to him and ask about his day. His head is clear enough by then that he can vent to you about how stupid he thinks his coworkers are or how much a shitshow a mission was.

He's jealous. You CANNOT tell me that August isn't the jealous and possessive type. What's his is his and he isn't sharing (sharing is for a different post). So I can just picture August catching you talking to some other man and he's making you smile more than August would like, or he catches too many wandering eyes while you're out and about on a date. Or those comments you get on the photos you post online. It makes his blood boil. He tries to keep his cool until you're in a private place or back home, but he'd really love to just sucker punch those assholes in the nose. He tries to not think about it too much, but those feelings are hard for him to repress. That angry sex starts in a similar way as the previous, but he typically waits until you're both in the bedroom. Rough kisses to start, and he is more likely to strip you all the way down. He goes just as hard, but he's more vocal. He tells and shows you that you are his. He reminds you who you belong to. He tells you that he's never gonna let another man come near you. He emphasized each of his points by slamming into you over and over again, teeth gritted and brow furrowed the entire time. He cums inside of you every time. He leaves more marks, too, and tries to put them in the most obvious spots in case someone tries to take a look at you again. There are more cuddles afterward, too - more kisses and rubs and whispers of sweet nothings.

The second option is that it comes out in torture. Torture with a side of dependency.

See, we know August has an animalistic side. He likes the hunt. He likes being a predator and you're the perfect prey. He likes knowing that you are at his disposal. He likes to stalk you around the house, watching your every move before deciding when to pounce. This could be as simple as being able to come up behind you and put his hand down your panties whenever he wants to. He likes what you squirm as he plays with your pussy just for s minute. He likes making you a little wet before leaving you with no way to help yourself. He likes giving you deep kissing and putting his tongue in your mouth before going out. He likes whispering filthy things in your ear while you're out in public. Anything to get you a little excited. He likes that you're his. But you give him some playing back, and that drives him nuts.

And then there's when he dedicates some time to put his fingers instead of you just to make you cry. For you, coming is not an option at these times. He's sitting on the bed and you're kneeling on the bend over his lap, hands gripping his shoulders as he plays with your pussy. He likes to watch your face twist and relax as he moves his fingers in and out of you. He likes that he can make you whimper and whine with such simple actions. He likes getting you against a wall and your panties around your knees. He likes telling you dirty things in a way that sounds so sweet. He especially likes stopping right before you're going to climax because you always whine about it. He likes to know that he is the only means you have to finish.

And there's when he ties you to the bed and really goes in on you. The more toys the better. He'll strap your wrists (and sometimes) ankles to the bed so you can be perfectly spread out. You're completely nude while August wears nice pants and a dress shirt. He loves putting things inside of you: big things, little things, things that vibrate, things with texture. He does so slowly and thoughtfully, always feeling a careful eye on your face to watch how you react. Sometimes he'll give you a little bit of love by using his mouth on your pussy, but that's only if you are really crying. And oh he loves to hear you cry. He loves the tears that single you have given up - that you have nothing left. He knows then that you are completely bare. But he also loves the tears you shed out of fear. Knives are his favorite tool. He usually uses a big one with a sharp tip, and he runs it over your skin, leaving a little red trail. He never pushes hard enough to draw blood, but he does know exactly how much force to give it to make you think it will break your skin. He likes how your body tenses whenever you get scared, and he likes how your voice shakes when he runs the tip of his knife over your sensitive areas. You may think that August wouldn't let you come, but that isn't the whole truth. He does deny you orgasm over and over, but then he forces them out. He goes in on your hard with toys and doesn't let up until your a writhing on the bed. Then he does it a little longer. He shows you he is in control over everything about you.

August's favorite part is when that's all done. Who do you go to have he's done making you his little plaything? Him. You go back to him. Why? Because you are dependent on him. He is your everything. August is just as happy fucking you with a dildo as he is kissing your cheeks as you all asleep. He loves to slowly pull you apart and he loves to put you back together because it means he'll get to do it all over again

all done

#august walker #august walker x reader #dark august walker #august walker hc #angry sex #possessive august #it's all smut #who am I joking #henry cavill

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

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this is exactly how it went down in my head.

misha: hey, everything okay? do you need me to do something?

jensen: no, lay low. we’re figuring it out.

misha: got it.

— the next day —

misha: things settled. should i say anything? draw attention? stay neutral?

jensen: you don’t have to, but if you want, tread lightly. we’ve had enough chaos.

misha: say no more.

when nobody got your back you KNOW dmitri got your back.

ANYWAYS i turned my back for TWO MINUTES and y'all went the fuck off in my inbox so, you know the drill: more under the cut

NO BUT JENSEN’S RESPONSE LMAAAAAO honestly fallout theory is so on oh my God I can’t stop-

on god they are so loud like-

Worst damage control i've ever seen. god bles.

so true bestie

I think Jensen probably just wants to be done with this petty little drama, so if he has to pretend everything between them is okay he is going to be the bigger man and lay it to rest. Whatever is going on between them he definitely doesn't want to sort that out on social media and the earlier he pretends everything is sorted out the earlier people will forget about it again.

Also it's kinda funny how J*red Tweet was like implying they had a misunderstanding but still talk to each other regularly, while Jensen went full on the we grow apart a little bit, because we were busy, let's catch back up. Makes me wonder if they actually talked or if there managers just said hey that's not good pr, let's put that to rest. Also did J*red know before yesterday that they had a falling out or did he just not realize.

- 🐌 anon

literally jensen went out of his way to say 'uhhh we never talk, worstie' god if pr management is involved then they did a bad job. also j*red still does not realise they have fallen out. jshfjdsfh

Jackles was like God bless but we ain’t talking like this worstie

good for her.gif

csdsc heeft gevraagd:

All I need now is for Misha to tweet “ is it safe to come out now?” And I’ll be complete lmfao 😂😂😂

that would have been better than what we got lmfao

I have one fear and it's Jensen being forced to add j*red to his show and his other projects because he couldn't stop whining like a baby,,, ugh i hate him

i pretend i do not see

Kinda selfish of me tbh but i don't want them to be "friends" again, Jensen sweetie run as fast as you can

co-signed

Ok Jensen's answer to Jared tweet made me feel so bad for him. Like, I can see it's damage control and public relations (obviously) but there's stuff behind it. I can't name it, but idk, I felt terrible for texas man this time, I don't think that reply was written with a "love and light energy" or even without much care. I felt some heavy vibes.

- 🌻, who is now a fortune teller and a prophet apparently

yeah i feel hella bad for him to, for having to deal with this shit. nonnie please if you ever have anything to predict, lemme know sjdfhs

You know Jensen's tweet has the energy of like kindergarten wenn an other kid started a fight with you and the kindergarten teacher wants you to forgive each other and hung it out and you really don't want to, but your kindergarten teacher is being annoying and he isn't worth the annoyance either.

- 🐌 anon

you are not wrong

Incredibly thankful that I have the day off from work 😂 I'm with hatching chick anon, the 3 dots read as passive aggressive/insincere to me, and I love it! I haven't spent this many hours on tumblr since I first discovered cockles! (On a side note, the lack of fimmf posts today has me feeling like it's not friday lol) -🐢

i, too, miss fimmf but alas things happen, they do they do they do

I was right. :(

It got almost romantic...

👀

nonnie you know i love you but this is really not the case, like, at all??? idk how you could look at those tweets and think it was almost romantic. it was THEE most scripted, pr bullshit ever. it was staged and fake. idk what else to tell ya

Danneel liked Jensen's tweet

i saw

That is so so awkward I feel so sorry for all of us being exposed to this and so happy I chose to leave the Internet for half a day - tea anon

god bless your stance on that cause i would have hated missing out on this lmao

You know what? I think it’s okay being a 38 year old moron if you’re bringing us this type of content

im happy with the food but still think its not okay tbh

pspspsps Misha this is the perfect day for you to drop the gay Cas essay pspspspsp it is still pride month pspspsps

you know you want to king pspsps

So that JIB6 link (I think it was from your post, right?). I went and watched that bit, and a little more.

Jensen makes a comment about Jared being first on the call sheet because Sam was supposed to be the main focal character.

And that him nor Misha cared about what number they were, so in all that time it never changed.

And I’ll be… if that just doesn’t perfectly sum them up and their feelings on things. And how a certain someone can be petty… 🦚

idk if it was from my post? but maybe? my analysis probably? but yeah things are making more and more sense huh

Ohh that's also an alien? Welcome to the extraterrestial family then, purple alien anon!

Also it's probably because I'm coming off the high this drama gave me but I'm not looking forward to them trying so hard to convince us everything is normal between them. Even though we now Know, they will have to keep pretending. Today (yesterday?) was a shitshow but some masks fell off, at least for a moment and I kinda wish Jensen was less professional 😂

👽

oh for real, fallout theory IS confirmed and nothing they said today will change my mind, it only made me believe in it even more lmfao and with that in mind i am just gonna sip my tea if they try to be buddy buddy on main again

I THINK MISHA UNRETWEETED BUT HE TWEETED "LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH" I'M LOSING MY DIGNITY HERE - tea anon

yeah he now answered them sjdfhsjfhsf instead of rt

MISHA COLLINS IS A KING I STAN THE RIGHT MAN

YOU SURE DO

I just know Misha’s process was oh crap I have to let people know I’m supporting them and I can’t choose sides. Ok. Retweet. NO. Delete. I love both of you. Yes, good.

sjdfsdfh this makes me think of that post that dissected jackles' birthday post for misha where he used the heart. 'call him bro, that makes it less obvious. nailed it.'

Lol I'm off for a few days and come back to total chaos... God I missed it here

Like the "et tu... #bravo" tweet? Made my day! Frikking hilarious (every time I see it I picture J*red with a pissy frech accent saying it out loud lol) it's just such an incredibly petty hissy fit he threw (I know he tweeted more later on but... Really all that stuff coming afterwards just sounds like damage control)

Missed you Rose

-🐻

LOVE the french accent detail im gonna do this too sdjfhsjfh missed you toooo!!!!

Oh man Misha is really gonna get hate for that I KNOW IT

sigh well. nothing he isnt used to by now, unfortunately

i mean i believe they feel like brothers, but constantly falling back on the “brother” thing to keep up appearances is really starting to feel like “#spnfamily” at this point.

honestly brothers can be very annoying, or so i have heard, so it fits with the fallout theory lmao

They actually said if we’re gonna make this gay we cannot have Jar*d Pad*lecki involved

oh my God this is the funniest timeline to ever exist God bless I’m just waiting to canon bi Mary

king shit tbh

#snail anon #csdsc #sunflower anon #turtle anon #eyes anon #tea anon #peacock anon #alien anon #bear anon #THAT WAS A LOT #anyways next time im just gonna spam you all fsfsgdsgd

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chalkrevelations · 3 years

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Back, finally, with Word of Honor, Episode 11, which involved a lot of waving my hands around over precious button Zhang Chengling and his concern about whatever ridiculous argument between his Murder Dads left his shifu in a snit and must be solved right this minute. I really think if he could’ve just pushed their heads together like two Ken dolls to make them kiss and make up, he would have. Didi, I could eat you up with a spoon, although not in the creepy way that Du Pusa threatens. I promise.

First, though, due diligence: Spoilers, possibly likely for the entire show, not just this ep, so scroll away and come back later if you are still, at this point in the game, trying to watch the whole 36.5 eps unspoiled. Also, this is hella long. Strap in. Hashtag long post (remorseful).

First thing I actually want to do is point out a couple of scenes that I found particularly striking for various reasons. The first one is not quite the opening scene - which is super-brief and involves Yueyang’s prep for the Heroes Conference, Gao Shan (AKA Chengling’s bully-in-chief) being smug about Yueyang’s upcoming ascendance (oh boy, are you in for a surprise, you little schmuck), and Gao Chong’s extreme weariness at the idea of Yueyang’s upcoming ascendance. Gao Chong is very tired, y’all. It’s been a long 20 years. There’s also a ginormous sword on display, like Yueyang is now having a dick-measuring contest with who they think is the disciple of the Changming Sword Immortal (and oh boy, are you guys in for another surprise. I’m not sure what part of “immortal” y’all don’t understand). But I digress - as I said, this is a very brief scene, and then we cut back to Luo Mansion, where we left Ghost Valley and Lunatic Wen at the end of the last ep. Everyone is gone except for Wen Kexing, who’s still plotting, Beauty Ghost, who’s trying to stay tf out of this current shitshow as much as possible (good luck with that), and Tragicomic Ghost, who is totally and completely Done With This Shit. She berates WKX for acting crazy, he gets snappy back – I feel like their relationship is maybe a little bit fraught at this point – and Beauty Ghost attempts to soothe the waters, leading to an eyeroll from Tragicomic Ghost with a directive to stand the hell up and stop being scared of this idiot child throwing his weight around. WKX dismisses Tragicomic Ghost so he can plan a Very Secret Mission for Beauty Ghost in secret. WKX is … he is super-tired at this point. Painfully, achingly tired. I would almost say weary. We can see it in Gong Jun’s face. It’s a nice subtle bit of acting, and it definitely says something about WKX’s relationship with these women that he’s willing and able to show it in front of them, even as he’s still throwing his weight around.

Anyway, Liu Qianqiao proves her smarts by showing her hand just enough for WKX and us to see that she’s seen through the Lunatic Wen act to the utility of chokin’ out a dude as a warning, to try keeping Changing Ghost in line (good luck with that), but she also assures all of us that she only wants to serve the Ghost Valley Master and has no agenda of her own. WKX assures her that he has everything under control (Uh … huh. OK, my dude) and tells her he has a task for her, before detouring into a quiz about her disguise technique (learned from Qin Huaizhang, Zhou Zishu’s shifu at Siji Manor, and this is probably a tipoff that the Very Secret Mission will involve disguising herself), about Siji Manor, and about why she never visited there. We get some interesting vague hints about her past, including the fact that she met Qin Huaizhang when she was “little” and he took pity on her “disfigurement,” according to both the Youku and Netflix English subs. @coralcoloratura pulled out 童年时 (tóngnián shí) from the Chinese subs for me, which does mean “childhood.” Given that the going story is Yu Qiufeng’s wife threw acid in LQQ’s face over their affair, this opens up some questions about how old LQQ actually was when all that happened. Viki subs, per @janedrewfinally, add that she says she treated Qin Huaizhang to a meal, so she couldn’t have been too young. But Qin Huaizhang dies when ZZS is just 16, and LQQ can’t be any older than ZZS, and is likely younger (good lord, I just checked actor ages, and Ke Naiyu is 7 years younger than ZZH, so that’s probably not a good age gap to port over to the show, because just. No.). All this leads me to place LQQ at somewhere between Zhang Chengling’s age and Gu Xiang’s age (at most) when this whole tragic backstory happened, which is still pretty freakin’ young, and I can see why she would consider herself a child, at least metaphorically, in terms of naïvete, if not literally. I don’t know how much exploration has been done about this, on the fannish side of things, but it seems like an area rich for exploration. Also, I CANNOT TELL YOU how much I now want to read the AU of WKX and LQQ both actually being brought to Siji Manor at various times by Qin Huaizhang and staying there. I suspect that with those two shidi backing him, ZZS might never have had to go to Prince Jin in the first place. (Clearly this makes some things problematic, including A-Xiang, but I keep thinking about ZZS, WKX and LQQ growing up together … And anyway, I’m ALSO willing to read the AU(s) where WKX’s storyline stays the same, but LQQ does come to Siji Manor – both the AU where she and ZZS together manage to save the sect, and the AU where she goes with them to Jin, and the kind of weapon she could be for ZZS there, as he runs Tian Chuang. Who’s writing all this? Anyone? Anyone?) Anyway, when WKX asks why she didn’t visit Siji Manor, LQQ tells WKX that she’s a ghost now and doesn’t want to think about the living world anymore, which is probably a way of saying she wishes she had gone there and doesn’t want to talk about her many and varied bad decisions back in the day; it also acts as an unknowing reinforcement of that bright line WKX is desperately trying to maintain for himself between the world of ghosts and the world of humans. Plus it gives him the chance to speak the very portentous line that “Yes, we’re ghosts, and ghosts disappear in the light,” pulling the theme of light back in, again and giving us all kinds of foreshadowing. Cut away as he leans in to whisper her mission to her.

The other really striking scene, for me, happens near the end of the ep, when Gao Chong visits the shrine room, with the memorial tablets of his various brothers and friends. This hit me not just because of Hei Zi’s acting (which is great, don’t get me wrong) but also because this is a scene that reflects both backward and forward in the show - back to ZZS in Ep 1 and forward to the two scenes that Zhao Jing will have in this same room – as well as giving us all sorts of subtle clues about relationships throughout the show. So first of all, we see, in a shot that will mean more the deeper we get into the show, tablets for Zhen Ruyu and Gu Miaomiao (or, “his wife,” as the Youku subs call her, and this is me, rolling my eyes), who were apparently close enough to Gao Chong that he keeps memorial tablets for them on his home altar - which helps explain why WKX is so incensed that none of these Five Lakes Alliance assholes helped his parents when they were turned out of the Healer’s Valley, although that’s not something we would have known yet on a first watch through the show. Gao Chong lights some incense and apologizes to the tablet of Zhang Yusen for letting Zhang Chengling get kidnapped. He talks about waiting 20 years to learn the truth – which is kind of cryptic, but probably means the truth about who poisoned his sword before the spar with Rong Xuan, which we hear about in a later scene this ep – and gets a little bit salty about the fact that it doesn’t matter if everyone else doesn’t believe him, but why didn’t Zhang Yusen believe him? Again, I’m assuming this is about Gao Chong’s protestations that he’s not the one who put poison on his sword. We also learn in this same ep – from Chengling – that Zhang Yusen’s break with the Five Lakes Alliance seems to have at least started that far back, and that Yusen would have been at Mount Qingya to stand with Rong Xuan against his other Alliance brothers, if Yusen’s shifu hadn’t broken his legs so that he couldn’t travel there. (Yusen clearly had some strong feelings about this, if that’s what it took to get him to sit still for it. Also, it makes me wonder how Ye Baiyi’s feelings about Chengling might change if he ever learned that Chengling’s father intended to defend and stand with a guy who Ye Baiyi considered his own child, as well as his disciple.)

Gao Chong then proceeds to have a little crisis of faith – he’s very tired, y’all, it’s been a long 20 years – and talks about how no one understands him, and he’s old, and everyone’s dead. He also yells at Rong Xuan’s tablet, calling Rong Xuan da-ge but also saying he’s sorry he ever met him, but then there’s this brief little moment after, when he seems a little bit shocked at himself for saying it out loud, which reminds me, honestly, of the moment in CQL (we’ve all seen The Untamed, right, I don’t have to put spoiler warnings for it, right?) when Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are in the Yunmeng Jiang memorial hall and Wei Wuxian talks about Yu Ziyuan’s punishments back in the day, then pats his own mouth and says “My fault, my fault, my fault” before bowing to her tablet. Like, yes, their relationship was multiple levels of fucked-up, and his reaction is not out of place given some of his continuing neuroses, but also, this is just not a thing you do, speaking ill of the dead to their faces. I’m sure Gao Chong does regret ever meeting Rong Xuan, and the way that led to the building of the Armory and the Five Lakes Alliance to guard it, and the position that ultimately put Gao Chong in - not to mention that if he never met Rong Xuan he never would have accidentally killed him. But you can’t say things like that OUT LOUD to the MEMORIAL TABLET. Then contrast this to Zhao Jing, who literally takes a piss on the tablet in one of the later episodes. Because he’s the worst. And THEN, Gao Chong kneels and talks to the tablets of Zhang Yusen and Lu Taichong, his dead Five Lakes Alliance brothers, saying they must have met again in the netherworld, and that they’re probably swearing about him right now, and this is the point when I sit straight up and exclaim, out loud, “Fuck. Me. This is Zhou Zishu’s breakdown at the mirror in Episode 1.” When he talks to Jiuxiao about how Jiuxiao and Jing’An must have met again in the afterlife by now and are probably discussing what an awful shixiong ZZS is, right? And then Gao Chong even laughs bitterly like ZZS, and cries like ZZS, and I just. OK. FINE, show. I’ll try to go a little easier on Gao Chong, because you’re clearly linking him to ZZS, here, and I’m willing to forgive ZZS for anything. I suppose I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t try to extend just a little bit of the same grace to Gao Chong.

So, that’s a lot of verbiage, and I haven’t even gotten to Wenzhou yet, but trust me, I have some things to say about them. While WKX has been terrorizing the troops, ZZS left Han Ying’s place and immediately started drinking again, because that continues to be the best way – in combo with his Nails – he knows to kill himself by increments, but so sad, he’s run out of wine as he wanders the marketplace, alone and zhiji-less. Inside Yueyang, Chengling finds a note purporting to be from “Xu,” instructing him to meet at the North Gate that night, and like the little idiot they keep calling him (he really is too pure for this world), he takes it at face value. On his way that night, he runs into Gao Shan, who inadvertently almost saves him by interrupting his sneaking around to try to bully him back to his room. Something something food as bonding, because the lie Zhang Chengling comes up with is that he’s hungry (he’s not eating Yueyang’s food, and it’s not nourishing him), and he’s on his way to find something to eat (because he and his Murder Dads are in a mutually nourishing relationship, and that’s who he wants to be with). Also, no, he would prefer going to find something to eat for himself and not eating whatever Gao Shan will bring back to Chengling’s room. (A little bit, I’m sad there’s never any place to fit in some canon-complicit long-form enemies to failboats to lovers fic for these two. I have to admit, I would read it. Someone should do something with the tension between them, although I don’t really want it to be anything that will make Best Boy permanently sad.) Anyway, A-Xiang shows up just as Gao Shan is about to frog-march Chengling back to his room, and Gao Shan never sees her coming before he’s knocked out on the ground. A-Xiang is confused about the note but nevertheless helps Chengling get to where he’s supposed to meet “Xu,” whereupon she gets beat up and gets her didi took by the Scorpions. (There’s an interesting moment here where Pretty Arhat is fighting with A-Xiang and asks what her relationship is to Beauty Ghost, which whaaaaaat? THERE’S some backstory I need more on. I’m assuming this is based on A-Xiang’s hand-to-hand fighting style, which I think is the only thing Pretty Arhat has seen at this point, and exactly WHEN has she gotten so familiar with Beauty Ghost’s fighting style? Also, I like the apparent nod to Beauty Ghost’s influence in raising A-Xiang (and we’ll see more of this).) Meanwhile, ZZS has been inexorably drawn to the place he left his child disciple child and is moping right outside of Yueyang, so he sees Pretty Arhat fly away with Chengling. Murder Dad 1 springs into action.

Yueyang disciples run around like ants whose hill has been kicked over, looking for Chengling in town, and two of them encounter Wen Kexing, out for a midnight stroll in a fetching pastel blue and green combo. They ask him about seeing a guy. With a pipa. Or maybe without a pipa. So maybe just a guy. Wen Kexing correctly deduces they’re asking about Phantom Musician Qin Song, who covered Pretty Arhat’s getaway by incapacitating everyone with his magic music. YY disciples are excited and tell WKX yes, this dude was involved in kidnapping Zhang Chengling! Y’all. WKX’s face when he hears that. He is not happy. Almost immediately, he spots Qin Song on a rooftop. Murder Dad 2 springs into action.

So, WKX the Ghost Valley Master finds Qin Song, asks him where Chengling is, crushes his playing hand, threatens to break every single bone in his body one at a time (meanwhile dropping the tidbit that he learned the number of bones in the human body from his dad), and tells him a little story about a time when – apparently – he asked another guy the same question (about WHO? has A-Xiang been kidnapped in the past, because that’s about the only other person I can imagine him being like this about?) and only had to break 80 bones before he got an answer. Meanwhile, ZZS actually finds Chengling, in the Scorpion lair where Du Pusa and Pretty Arhat have variously been molesting him (srsly, I feel like I should probably say something to a trusted adult Murder Dad), torturing him with unpleasant magic pixie dust, smacking him around (he loses a tooth, y’all), and waterboarding him. During all this, Pretty Arhat says she’s yet to meet a man who can stand up to waterboarding, and I’m kind of reminded of WKX’s scene threatening Qin Song, and I don’t know if that’s on purpose or not. Chengling literally spits in her face and proclaims that he’s the son of Zhang Yusen, none of whose sons are cowards, and about then, ZZS busts down the door like he’s WKX (by throwing Monster Jiang through it), tells the Scorpions he’s their daddy, and gets into a big fucking fight with all three of them. He flags a little bit somewhere in here as he starts having some Nail pangs (which, yeah, it must be getting about midnight, which is when that’s supposed to happen) and spits some blood, but he reassures Chengling and then tells the Scorpions no one can stop him from killing who he wants and getting what he wants (OK, Wei Wuxian …). Then he shoots some projectiles from some little contraption up his sleeve that we get a quick look at that I did not remember AT ALL from my first watch of the show but is literally like the gun hanging over the mantel in the first act. Huh. Anyway, he kills Monster Jiang, and Du Pusa (who didn’t give a shit about Monster Jiang OR Qin Song earlier), wants to capture him alive, supposedly so she can get revenge for them by teaching him how it feels “to want to die more than live.” Joke’s on you, lady – too late! That’s literally his constant state of being!

About this time, Qin Song comes flying through the doors – or what’s left of them – gasping his last breath as WKX makes his dramatic entrance. Chengling not only calls him “Wen-shu” but also has already figured out exactly how to manipulate Murder Dad 2 and tells him that in addition to kidnapping him, they also hurt ZZS. WKX is predictably murderous, and Du Pusa and Pretty Arhat run away and hide behind the skirts of Xie Wang’s robes as the Zombie Drug Man Army approaches. WKX tells ZZS to take Chengling and leave, ZZS refuses, and Xie Wang LITERALLY SAYS “IN LIFE AND DEATH YOU WILL NEVER PART. WHAT A TOUCHING MOMENT.” and I am DYING. Also, this will not be the last time ZZS/WKX will exhibit what Xie’er wants from his Awful Yifu. Anyway, Xie’er calls ZZS “Leader Zhou,” then tells WKX that he’ll tell them who he (Xie Wang) is if WKX tells them all who he is first. ZZS is Very Done with all of this and smoke bombs the Scorpions to escape. Xie’er shows he actually does know who both of them are – even though each of them doesn’t know everything about the other’s identity yet, and won’t for a while – by telling Du Pusa and Pretty Arhat that they’re the leader of Tian Chuang and the leader of the Ghost Valley and wondering “How did these two devils end up together?” Like calls to like, I guess.

OK, this is getting super-long, so I’m going to attempt to wrap up with the actual Wenzhou material. We cut to Murder Dads and Chengling sitting in the forest, around a campfire, and Chengling is in heaven, back with his family. He’s super-emotional, and ZZS is all, come on, be a man, don’t cry (OK, crybaby). WKX gives some campfire-cooked rabbit? maybe? to ZZS, who starts a precedent by passing it to Chengling. Please, A-Xu. WKX wants to feed his laopo, will you eat something, ffs? Chengling, still emotional, tells them that he knows they’re the only ones who are sincerely kind to him, that Five Lakes Alliance has all kinds of agendas and none of them care about him, and nobody has asked him what he wants. (I know, bb, they were awful.) ZZS asks what he wants, and Chengling says he wants to learn martial arts, to get revenge, and to not be a useless child anymore. Oh god, the cut to WKX here. His face, y’all. He is not cool with the fact that Chengling thinks he can’t be a child anymore, and probably with whatever role he (WKX) had in it. He is so sad. It’s killing me. However, it’s not as if WKX has lost his edge, and he also pounces, asking Chengling if something happened that made him suspicious of the Alliance. Chengling spills that his dad already didn’t trust them and also told him not to trust anyone ever, but he trusts his Murder Dads! This kid, I tell you. He tells them that his dad hid the Mirror Lake Glazed Armor in his stomach and starts getting ready to cut it out for them before ZZS stops him. He tells them Yusen gave him a letter for the Changming Sword Immortal detailing Rong Xuan’s injury (and we get our first iteration of the story of the battle between the Five Lakes Alliance brothers and Rong Xuan, the poison on the sword, and how that turned Rong Xuan evil). Per Chengling, the original argument was about the Combined Six Cultivation Method. Also per Chengling, the Alliance bothers should have been responsible for Rong Xuan after that, but no one stood up for him – I mean, Zhang Yusen would have, but his legs were broken. We learn that the poisoned sword that injured Rong Xuan belonged to Gao Chong. ZZS looks taken aback, but this all just CONFIRMS WKX’s SUSPICIONS.

Cut away for another scene. Cut back. ZZS has suddenly remembered that he’s pissed off and that someone (else, not him) is sleeping on the couch tonight. Earlier, they were sat in order of Chengling, ZZS, WKX. Now Chengling has been put between them. WKX asks for wine, A-Xu is being passive-aggressive and ignoring him before finally handing the wine gourd to Chengling to pass to WKX. He won’t even look at WKX. It is hilarious, particularly as he only remembered he was mad after they’d all eaten dinner, which WKX cooked, and the pair of them made sure their child was OK. Chengling wants to know if they fought and tells them there’s nothing confidants can’t resolve. He’s in full puppy mode. He tells WKX to hurry up and comfort ZZS, because you know he looks tough on the surface but he’s got the softest heart! Didn’t you teach me that tough women can’t resist clingy men? ZZS’s indignant little face at this is a picture. Chengling offers to apologize for WKX. WKX’s face is all fondness for Chengling, except for the eyebrows, which are doing the Tragic Sadness Eyebrows at ZZS. ZZS is all, OK, fine, although he immediately changes the subject and starts talking about the kidnapping attempt. He tells Chengling that the world is dangerous right now, and the safest place for him is Yueyang Sect. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? Chengling sadly nods. My little dude, c’mon. ZZS’s Nails are bothering him and WKX takes the chance to feed him qi, which ZZS accepts – might I note - without complaint. WKX waxes rhapsodic about A-Xu’s shoulder blades, and says he once saw a dead body with beautiful shoulder blades. Smashcut to a flashback of two people who we don’t yet know are Zhen Ruyu and Gu Miaomiao dead on the ground. Although this takes place immediately after the scene of Gao Chong at the altar, when the first tablets we see are Zhen Ruyu’s and Gu Maiomiao’s, we also don’t know yet to connect those names to these bodies. Tricksy, show. We see Zhen Yan place his hand on Gu Miaomiao’s back, and WKX’s voiceover talks about how he could tell she was a beauty despite the blood everywhere. ZZS interrupts this morbid tale to say they should let the past stay in the past, and then tells WKX, “My condolences,” even though WKX hasn’t actually mentioned anywhere in the story about this dead body that it was even anyone he knew, let alone someone he was related to. Because A-Xu isn’t stupid. Immediately after this - after saying they should leave the past in the past - ZZS asks WKX who he is. WKX goes into his Philanthropist Wen evasion spiel. ZZS shakes his head, visibly steels himself, and apparently comes to the decision to model the behavior he’s trying to encourage by coming clean about his real name, his relationship to Siji Manor, all of his bad decisions, his choking guilt over the deaths of all the Siji Manor disciples, and his reign of state-sanctioned terror as founder and leader of Tian Chuang. Notably, the very first word Chengling speaks to ZZS after hearing this rundown of supposed and actual crimes is to call him “Shifu” again to get his attention before asking for more info about the Scorpions. THIS CHILD. MY HEART.

ZZS tells them both, “I spent half my life alone, doing things I didn’t want to do and killing people I didn’t want to kill,” and I literally want to reach into the screen and shake WKX, because OMG LAO WEN. You are reflections of each other, and he’s baring his soul, and you’re going to continue to be so afraid that he’s not going to accept every part of you that it’s going to be episodes and episodes before you open up, and even then, only after he figures it out on his own. :hands: To make things even more OBVIOUS, ZZS then asks Chengling if he still wants ZZS to be his shifu after learning all of this, and Chengling doesn’t even hesitate, he says “Of course,” and ZZS and I are both about to cry. UGH. Zhang Zhehan, your face. It’s killing me. This is a man seeing the hope of resurrection for the sect he was convinced he had ground into dust. ZZS and Chengling are both so busy being emotional at each other that WKX has to take matters into his own hands, encouraging Chengling to bow, and we get a real bow to shifu this time, in a scene that once again mirrors the later scene when Zhen Yan makes his bow to Qin Huaizhang to become a Siji Manor disciple.

ZZS tells Chengling, all right, then. You are the first disciple of the sixth generation. (SHIXIONG. NO PRESSURE.)

End ep.

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #zhang chengling #beauty ghost #liu qianqiao #gao chong #gao shan #du pusa #pretty arhat #qin song #gu xiang #xie wang #tragicomic ghost #luo fumeng #qin huaizhang #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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daydreamreality · 3 years

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So on and off I’ve been writing this super long post on some of my thoughts about Gilmore Girls. And something I wrote made me go, “wow, the evidence against AYITL just being the season ASP didn’t get to do is really stacking up because the two things I can see Jess being around for in season 7 is what he does in the revival except the circumstances with Liz are different.” SO. Hear me out. If the reason we didn’t get a “real” Lorelai/Luke wedding was budget restrictions (I call bullshit, why did we need TWO musical numbers)...well let me take you on a made-up journey of the end of season 7 on the CW with ASP showrunning. Without Netflix freedom and money to throw her unrestricted last hurrah with GG, we get our series finale with a full-on Luke and Lorelai wedding because, well, why wouldn’t this be the ending of the show??

I now realize that getting Luke and Lorelai married in one season after the shitshow that was the end of season 6 might be difficult so let’s just assume this is handled in a mature and healthy way and they’re back and better than ever! Because I honestly didn’t think about that bit when this scene popped in my head and made me go “WHY, it could have happened! And now I need to tell everyone!” And I’m not really in the mood to go about theorizing this AU season 7 in full.

Rory still has to get pregnant but not want to be with the father because ~*fULL cIrcLe*~. The way I can see this happening is Logan goes off to London, their long-distance relationship is a lot rockier, and she eventually finds out that Logan has been cheating on her. OR Logan convinces her they should open the relationship up; Rory is not comfortable with this but is too emotionally invested in him to let him go yet. Either way, the hurt she feels has her breaking up with him for real, is very sad, blahblahblah, and they end up having a “last hurrah” together that gets her pregnant. WHY? Because FULL CIRCLE.

So we’ve seen Rory break up with Logan for good, she’s pregnant but we don’t know that, and we’ve gotten some sort of “window scene” that shows Jess still has feelings for her. WEDDING TIME. For real this time with family and guests and ceremony! Town square or Dragonfly Inn, take your pick.

Maid of honor and best man start the show. Jess is hilariously nervous because that’s my favorite look on him, ngl. While waiting on Rory to meet him, we get a nice little look between him and Luke of familial love and respect across the room. Jess gets distracted by Rory appearing and his whole face goes soft, and the proud smile on Luke’s face quickly devolves into a smirk because Luke has his number and knows he’s still got it good for Rory. Jess glares. I laugh. Rory is unaware of this moment of amazing communication and is nervous as well, but puts on her best brave face and walks arm-in-arm with Jess in all her beautiful grace.

Now for the actual ceremony, I could never even begin to come up with something as heartwarming and beautiful and hilarious as ASP or a talented fic writer. But I’m gonna throw in the detail that for some reason the officiant they booked can’t get there and Kirk has to step in last-minute because of course he’s an ordained minister. He throws in way too many personal stories and exudes his awkward charm (cut to appalled looks between Emily and Richard), but overall it goes surprisingly well (cut to proud, tears in their eyes like in Lorelai’s Graduation, MY HEART). We also get one little Jess and Rory smile at each other all shy and romantic-like because I wanna see it.

Now we’re at the reception. Rory comes up to Jess all cute and happy, “come dance with me.” Jess is like, why would I do that, blank stare. “It’s tradition.” Super cute innocent smile she knows will get anyone to do anything; Jess is not immune and is already going to say yes but he has to be difficult, Rory knows this.

“What tradition? And why would you think that argument is going to work on me?”

“Best man and maid of honor traditionally share a dance.”

“*rolls his eyes* Your mother is not going to care, and frankly would probably prefer not to have a picture of us dancing.”

“*pulls out the big guns* You owe me for prom.” Not unkindly, clearly in a joking manner. (I KNOW THIS IS A TROPE BUT I LOVE IT OKAY)

Fake hurt, clutches his chest “OUCH.”

The dance starts a bit awkward and stilted, but they slowly relax and enjoy themselves. Jess cannot waltz. Neither can Rory. We’re getting served some serious “Reflecting Light” vibes tho with the shots, set design, and another beautiful Sam Phillips number. The parallels are being thrown in our faces. We LOVE IT. We EAT IT UP.

Jess goes to make the slightest move to bring her in closer when a wave of nausea comes over Rory. She backs away quickly, and Jess does a “did I do something wrong” look/line like after the “Then She Appeared” kiss. She’s got her arm covering her mouth, looks panicked, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” runs out of the party. Luke notices and asks what’s going on. “I don’t know, she looked like she was sick?” “I’ll get Lorelai.”

Lorelai searches for Rory and finds her crumpled on the ground crying, sweaty hair, make up ruined, just completely unraveled. She tried so hard to keep this secret to herself for Lorelai’s big day, but she is too overwhelmed and tired. Lorelai settles in next to her, pulling the hair out of her face, “Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Rory cries harder.

After some good Lorelai hugs, Rory calms down slightly, looks at her mother distraught:

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m pregnant.”

IF YOU’RE OUT ON THE ROAD

#Gilmore Girls #alt scene #IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED #literati #rory x jess #c'mon I really needed to see Emily and Richard plus the townies at a wedding

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mashtonasfuck · 3 years

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I know literally everyone is doing those ‘people I'm thankful for’ posts to say fuck off goodbye to 2020, but here’s another one 😌

2020 has not been what I wanted it to be, and a lot of plans have had to change/be put on hold/been cancelled. I was supposed to see so many online friends this year, but safety is the number 1 priority. even though it’s been a complete shitshow, the thing that’s kept me going is my friends. my friendship circle has expanded a lot this year so here are some shoutouts ✌🏼

@maluminspace, @mermaidcashton - we haven’t spoken in a lil bit, but our cute trip to London is one of my fave things that happened this year and I hope we can see you soon 🥺💙

@malumsmermaid - Lauren I’m still gutted that we never got to DC to see you, but hopefully we can get over to VA by the end of 2021 because I need to squish you. you’re such a wonderful human 💙

@feliznavidaddycal - Rach, what can I say, it’s been wonderful getting to know you more this year - we’ve spent a lot of time screaming about certain things in 🤡 club and I’m pretty sure that you’re the instigator of most of them 😂 I can’t wait to finally come and see you when the world is a bit less crazy 💙

@kindahoping4forever - Crystal where do I even begin. Our friendship spans multiple fandoms at this point, and I value your existence in my life a great deal. I know I keep talking about it, but fire fight really was the bomb that made our friendship explode (ya know, if you don’t count the wwj star content or the iheart obscenity that was ashton irwin), and although it was a devastating time I also love it bc it made us talk more. gutted we didn’t get to LA to see you and run around Disney like a chaos force, but I'm crossing everything that we can get to you by the end of 2021 🤞🏼🤞🏼 love ya, tater tot 💙

@irwinkitten - Teej. I’m so endlessly proud of you for everything you ever do - you’ve achieved so much this year, and finally getting to squish you was a highlight. you already know this, but when you wanted to ft back in march I was ✨nervous✨ bc I've followed you basically from the start of this blog. watching you grow into who you are this year has been a privilege and you’re thriving. you’re so kind and I'm so grateful to know you. I promise I won't drop anything on any flooring/carpet when we can finally come and stay with you again. I need to squish you soon bc I miss you 🥺💙

@loveroflrh - Lauren, my love. it’s really been the latter half of this year that we really started talking and some of the best memories I have from this year involve you. you’re such a wonderful person and I'm so glad we started talking 🥺 watching the basement noise shows with you and screaming about everything mostly Zack’s arms has been the serotonin shot that I've needed this year and I cannot wait to see them in Manchester with you. I’m determined to get up and see you by your birthday so manifesting that 🔮✨ 💙

some other people I've been loving on this year:

@karajaynetoday @calpops @calumcest @clumsyclifford @kaleidoscopeminds @mukeaf @ashtonsunshine @cal-puddies @5sosofficial @evilrry @cxddlyash @ashtonlftv @sexgodashton @mastasof-ravenkroft @ghostofmashton @gutsmp3 @sadistmichael

also the entire Mikey hype squad discord server and the writers server - I know we’ve all been quiet lately, but I love you all 💙

✨ I hope everyone stays safe, wears their mask, and has a fulfilling 2021 ✨

adios 2020, you’ve been weird ✌🏼

#my post #nye 2020 #pals

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jzixuans · 4 years

Note

please sir, can I have some tog fic recs?

oh SO many hold on okay (these are all gonna be on ao3)

also under the cut to spare my poor followers

i’ll lay my roots in fertile ground by itsmylifekay (13154 words)

Andy did this on purpose, she’s sure of it. No matter how many excuses about skillsets and plans and 'you’ve been working on your Arabic, it’ll be good practice, Nile'… she knows now it was all a bunch of lies. There can be no other explanation for why she has been here, stuck with Joe in the middle of a hot, Italian summer while Andy has taken Nicky to the northern most part of France. It is a unique and unexpected kind of hell.

(A series of seven stories, snapshots of the first few years of Nile's time with the team. I'm trash for Nile & Nicky & Joe dynamics so there's a lot of that in here, but the others are all part of the craziness as well.)

fluffy slice of life post movie, really funny, really soft, i love how the author built their relationships

though you are alone and not quite beyond loneliness by dialux (26238 words)

“Joe didn’t lie back in that lab,” Booker tells him gently. “I am selfish. I am a liar. But beyond everything else, Nicky, I’m a coward.”

“Really,” says Nicky, looking unimpressed.

[Booker tries to save his family from Quynh. He's rather good at it, if not a little dramatic about the entire process. In the meantime, he learns a little more about himself, his family, and the definitions of bravery, forgiveness and love.]

a study in booker! real in depth, real great long read. (warning for antagonist quỳnh)

even if we win the battle by glitter_lisp (2591 words)

"Our Nile may have missed her calling,” Nicky says with a choked, hoarse laugh. “She should have been an actor. Or a surgeon.”

Then he slumps over in Joe's arms, unconscious, and Nile drops the scalpel, spins around, and throws up on the carpet.

whump but oh so good. focus on nile + nicky after a particularly harrowing mission with some good good nile + joe. (warnings for torture, mentions of throwing up (i mean it’s in the summary), blood, and some leftover trauma)

six summers down by sharkhette (3385 words)

Nile watched the first rays of the sun come filtering through the trees, softly dappling the path in yellow and grey. "Tell me something good?" she asked. "Everything's been such a shitshow since I met you—since even before that. And now, with Booker gone, and Andy…" She swallowed and turned to Nicky, who watched her with big, soft eyes. "Just tell me something I can look forward to in all this."

nile and nicky go for a run. the consequences of immortality catch up to her. some real good nile + nicky plus bonus immortal family at the end (warning for talk of quỳnh’s drowning)

atlas by bestillmyslashyheart (1336 words)

Nile is fine until she isn't. When the weight of her actions catches up to her, she needs someone to talk to.

some more nile + nicky from that time i deep dived the tag. for when you want to imagine nicky scooping you up in a big warm hug

i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be by imadetheline (1070 words)

Nile has a nightmare. Her family is there for her. And for one another.

late night immortal family dance party. makes you feel like everything is right in the world

at the crossings of two heart lines by mayqueen517 (4239 words)

"You understand - you cannot look back until you both stand beneath the sun."

"I do not need to see my love to know he is there. He is the breath in my lungs and the beat of my heart."

"Very well." ---

A Joe/Nicky twist on the Orpheus/Eurydice myth.

if you thought hadestown made you cry, this’ll wrench you more. happy ending though!! (warnings for death (obv), so much despair and hopelessness)

this lifetime and the next by kirasometimes (6662 words)

Shortly after marrying the love of his life, Nicky dies and his husband disappears.

or: Nicky is newly immortal and Joe has no idea.

a super interesting take. it’s still living in my head two weeks later and i Really need to reread it. (warnings for death, blood, stabbings, canon typical violence i guess. lab capture)

#nickyisnotamouse (and other stories from a happy universe) by lydenicokite (6806 words)

It may be a cliché to say this (“I didn’t want to become famous, it just happened!”), but Nicolò’s youtube career started as a joke. Actually, it started with Yusuf, like all the best things in Nicky’s life.

Nicky is a famous Youtuber, even if most of his fans are more interested in Joe, the elusive cameraman who never appears in front of the camera but flirts with Nicky in every video, than in the actual cooking and book reviewing. #RevealTheHusband and #WhereIsJoe are trending on twitter every time Nicky uploads a new video, but Nicky still believes it's important to keep his life with Joe private. It can't be that difficult, right?

hilarious modern youtuber!nicky au with lots of great interactions between the team and also nicky’s adorable (warning for drinking)

this time with knives by arkada (3588 words)

Joe gets into trouble on a mission.

Nicky gets him back.

badass nicky with knives saves his husband. nile + nicky + joe on a mission. not as angsty as it sounds. (warning for canon typical violence, death (joes dies a good handful), lots of described stabbing and slashing, blood)

even oaks must bend by winteryknights (2631 words)

The sidestreets are dead silent compared to the bustle of downtown, letting both ease and worry simmer in Joe’s bones as they pass only occasional pedestrians on their walk to the address Copley had given them. It’s a small apartment, part of a stonework building that’s likely just as old as Booker himself and a part of Joe wonders if he’d chosen it for the familiarity. A bigger part of him finds that it still hurts to care.

Or,

Andy doesn't have ninety years, but she does have a plan.

they go get booker early. things are sorted out. nicky and joe’s pain is acknowledged and booker is held accountable

ever have i never by nilmiel (525 words)

“Never have I ever had Joe profess his undying love for me to a bunch of people trying to kill us.” Joe had run out to pick up the takeout they’d ordered, and Nile had decided to teach the remaining group of fossils she now called family a new game for while they waited. And if it was a game she was guaranteed to win? Well. That wasn’t on purpose. — A small fic in which Joe loves his family, and the immortal fam love Joe.

i just really like joe waxing poetic about his family

the devil you know by falseconfidence (2254 words)

In which Nile drives the getaway car for the first time and quickly learns that there's a reason why everyone in this family drinks.

where nicky is your annoying dad in the passenger seat and andy slashes the tires of a dickbag and nile is Very Tired (warning for brief canon typical violence, unsafe car practices)

let our moment linger by indiebitch (1466 words)

there was something so lovely about Yusuf being draped across him like this. The rise and fall of his stomach as a reminder that his love, his heart was still breathing. The happy little sighs Joe would let out every once in a while. It just made Nicky so happy he could weep.

or Nicky loving to watch his husband sleep

soft sleepy husbands fluff

i found peace in your violence by incurableromancer (1387 words)

Nile knows that Joe could take apart and reassemble any make or model of gun you put in front of him while blindfolded and probably handcuffed. She knows that he can competently fly more planes and man more ships than Nile has or will see for many, many years to come. She’s heard stories about him defusing bombs and making it home in time for dinner, and yet. He’s still mildly afraid of microwaves, and doesn’t know how to type with his thumbs. Nile has seen him cry at The Notebook, and then cry again hours later while telling Nicky about it.

Or: found family, and moments of happiness, peace and healing between the chaos.

nile and joe hang out!!!

hope these are enough to tide you over!! (and lmk if i missed a link or anything)

#the old guard #immortal family #joe x nicky #andy x quỳnh #nile + nicky #joe + nile #joe + nicky + nile #lad of inbox #ask #long post #fic recs

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thatiranianphantom · 3 years

Note

I've read your take on the new season. I do believe that Betty and Jughead will eventually be back together, but it seems it will take a while. B*rchie will be explored and Jughead will apparently date Tabitha. Do you think the writers could wait until the end of the season to reunite Bughead?

Thank you for sending me this! I purposely left it till the end because this may get long.

I made that post awhile ago, and I am still basically sticking to it, but some small things have changed. First of all, when did we hear that Jughead will date Tabitha? You may be right but I’d also be skeptical. Jughead’s romantic plate is a bit full. Actually, his plate, in general, is quite full with the season’s mystery and both Betty and Jessica. We know Riverdale doesn’t delegate well, and it doesn’t stop to take a breath in between plotlines. This has been accused of being the Jughead Jones show, but the reality is we can’t spend the entire time on Jughead and he's already quite busy.

As to where the season will go, my guess is the following, accompanied by gifs from Dr. Horrible:

☞ The first episode, it has been said, is not bughead-heavy. The bed scene isn’t in this episode and it features very little prom. Likely, what happens here is Veronica sings Archie’s song and she finds out about the kiss.

☞ In 5x02 and 5x03, they reveal the (*deep sigh*) auteur. It’s likely Charles and/or Chic, because Wyatt Nash’s last filmed episodes were these two. Likely, Jughead finds out here, and it is where the bed scene occurs. This is also when Bret comes back and I am hype. I literally cannot wait to see him stare longingly at Jughead again. I want to see the shrine to Jughead we all know Bret has, or the lock of Jughead’s hair that Bret strokes lovingly every night. Sean Depner, the love of my life, would agree with this. FP leaves in this episode, and what I’m getting is that he has carte blanche to come back, and he and Alice will probably not break up. Best for everyone. Can’t imagine Skeet’s phone is ringing off the hook. My money, frankly, is on Varchie breaking up here, but Bughead staying together. They will time jump at the end after graduation, so you’ll likely see a few minutes at the end of 5x03 that take place after the time jump. Long-ponytail Betty is likely from here, and we will see Jughead with someone who is *gasp* not Betty.

☞ I would guess that 5x04 is all setup. They will introduce us to where the Core 4 are seven years later. Jughead’s (ex?) girlfriend, Veronica’s husband, Archie in the army, Betty working for the FBI. Exposition all over the place. TBF, I am oddly excited for this episode. I want to see adult Core 4. I think, despite how fast Riverdale moves through things, setup is needed here. They’re putting the show in a completely different place. That needs some time. Jughead is apparently an alcoholic now? Awesome. I am sure they’ll handle that with all the sensitivity they do everything with.

They’d be called back to Riverdale (maybe Jughead and Toni are still there?) at the end of this episode. I swear to god Riverdale, if you tell me that any of these kids didn’t graduate, I will finally take this shitshow out of your hands. We may see the Core 4 reunite at the end of this episode. We’ll also see that Toni is pregnant now. My bet’s on surrogacy. You guys ever watched Hamilton? Remember “...and Peggy?” Well, “...and Kevin!”

☞ Actual reunions start in 5x05. It’ll likely be super awkward. I’ve said it before, I hope there’s not actual anger. It’s been seven years. I get being hurt, I get it being awkward, but it’s been nigh on a decade, so I hope there’s not active anger, since that’s childish as hell. If speculation is right, though, Betty will spend time with both Jughead (case) and Archie (we’ll get there.) We can expect pining. I love pining. Longing looks? Bring it on. We got so few scenes before Bughead got together, and I thrive off the auto shop scene in 5x06. It’s so angsty. I die. Anyway, this is when we introduce the new Biggie Baddie. Mothmen, apparently. This is our first villain that is not an organic Riverdale villain. I miss villains like Buffy wrote them, but god, I sat through some S2 Evil-Hiram plotline and it made me long for stupid shit like mothmen because that plot was boring.

☞ Look, I ain’t going to lie to you. I have no idea how they’ll tie in the mothmen plotline since like, mothmen don’t murder? But we all know that’s just secondary to the romantic stuff. I’m going to reiterate that regardless of how this shakes out, I could not be less interested in a full season of drama. However, in 5x06/5x07, we’ll likely see some Barchie. If there is sad!Dating, it’ll likely happen here, paired with some Bughead angst. Spoilers also tell us that Chad comes to Riverdale and is jealous of Varchie’s “friendship?” That requires at least a few scenes of them together, so we’ll likely see Varchie pining too.

☞ I’m going to go out on a limb and say they’d probably currently be filming episodes 8 and 9. Chad is already there, as is Tabitha. The recent casting spoilers that came out will probably be in this episode, up to episode 10. I am going to say it’s likely that this’ll be about mid-season, which means the explosive action for the couples will probably happen here. Most indications of people I’ve spoken to say the couples will likely be back by mid-season(ish). So by the time the casting spoilers role is in the show, Barchie will be on its way out. This seems very mid-seasony to me. It’s usually right before a break and it entices people to come back for the back 9. So around episodes 8-10, expect rising action.

☞ I very much doubt that Barchie will last past episode 12. The back 9 of the season will be pretty standard Riverdale fare - mystery and couple drama, but likely nothing as dramatic as the end of S4 or beginning of S5. As I said, Riverdale doesn’t delegate well. They do not breathe between plotlines. They grab the bit between their teeth and run.

☞ Few stray observations: Veronica is married, and still tied to her family. That’s not as easy to leave behind as a short-term relationship. I would say I wonder how they’re going to get her out of that, but like, it’s Riverdale. Do also wonder if they’re going to forget about the alcoholism plotline. I would like to link the writer’s to the TVTropes page on Chekhov’s Gun. If it’s not essential, Riverdale, don’t include it. Also a bit curious to see how Choni reunite, since they inevitably will. And how they’ll write the baby out.

(this is a wonderful interpretation of my relationship with this show. The show is Captain Hammer. I am Dr. Horrible.)

#Answered #Riverdale #Anonymous #Varchie #Choni #This is LONG #And did I even answer the question?#I have my doubts #WHY WON'T THIS GO IN THE TAG #BUGHEAD #The tags hate me I am gonna fling myself off a cliff

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taeswurld · 3 years

Text

Ace V [Nova]

pairing: bakugo x fem!reader genre: humor, romance TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff

Summary: Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!

A/N:

HI! I am so sorry for the late post, but I literally just got home from work, I cleaned my room (because I cannot work with a dirty room), and then I had like a bunch of homework. But here’s the new chapter I promised!

By the way, I decided to name your quirk, you guessed it, ‘Nova’!

{ACE MASTERLIST}

After breakfast, you decided to go kick some ass.

Well, more like figure out how to kick ass.

Since the little anger-issues moment, you had no idea of what your quick was, but you could tell that it was powerful as fuck.

And you weren’t exaggerating, your new friends, specifically Midoriya filling you up on pretty much everything there is to know of your quick, along with a few videos of course.

You asked him if he was a stalker. He turned beet red and swore up and down that he asked permission before even writing you down in his notebook. Sweet boy.

Which brings us here, Gym Gamma.

You were with Midoriya and a dual haired boy to which you still haven’t gotten the chance to meet, and Bakugou.

Apparently, when the boys had nothing to do, instead of hanging out with their classmates, the decide to train together to improve their quirks. Although, Bakugou insists that it was his idea to train alone, and these “bozos just tagged along”.

While Bakugou went off to train on his own, Midoriya and the other boy stayed by your side. As they began their stretches, Hiro was sitting right by you, wondering when the action was gonna start.

“Okay L/N-san, do you ha-”

“Okay, number one,” you said standing up. “Don’t call me L/N-san. It’s weird. Just call me Y/N. I don't really care about formalities all that much. So just don't worry about it.” You walked up and put your hand on Midoriya, just to reassure him that it was okay.

“A-are you sure?” He said, turning red and looking away. What was this kid’s deal? Has a girl never touched him on the shoulder before? “Because you can totally call me Izuku! Or Deku! Or Midoriya! Or sometimes Kacchan calls me dumbass! Whatever works for you! I could totally deal with new nicknames! In fact, I-”

“Midoriya! I’ll just call you Midoriya if it gets you to chill out! That’s cool right?” You asked as you took your hand off his shoulder to make him a little less uncomfortable. You turned to the other boy. “And what can I call you?”

“Todorki is fine.” He said, not really caring or interested in the conversation.

“Okay, Todoroki it is. You can call me Y/N by the way.” You said sticking out your hand as a way to be friendly.

He looked at your hand and then back at you.

“Okay.” As said as he went back to his stretches.

Great, so you have one overly-enthusiastic boy, and one under-enthusiastic boy.

“Okay Y/N,” Midoriya said as he led you to the center of the gym. Todorki stayed a few steps behind, giving Hiro curious little glances every now and then, with Hiro giving them right back.

“We’re going to start off to see if you can still summon your quirk on command, just to see if you have a little sense of control over it. There’s no need to overdo it immediately, so try to be as careful as possible. Todoroki and I will be here to make sure nothing gets too bad, okay?” He says walking backwards to give you some space.

Jesus, just how insane can your quirk be out of control if you needed two out of three of the kids with the strongest powers to help you control?

“Whenever your ready Y/N. We’re ready and on guard.” Todoroki said, getting into a defensive stance, Midoriya nodding before getting into position.

While they stood a good 10 feet away, Hiro stayed right by your side, on guard as sensing something big and dangerous was going to happen. Even though Midoriya tried to call him over, Hiro wouldn't budge as growled at him.

‘I stay here, with her. No matter what’ he seemed to say.

You took a deep breath before closing your eyes. You weren’t even sure what you were supposed to do.

According to Midoriya’s notes, you were supposed to feel a slight tug in your stomach before feeling your quirk flow through your blood stream.

You focused and calmed your beating heart as much as you could, and then you felt an uncomfortable, barely-there tug before feeling your body ignite with power.

When you opened your eyes, you saw the familiar white aura around your hands and clothes, feeling your eyes burn with great power.

“Y/N, don't over do it! Try to keep your aura to a minimal! Take deep breaths!” You heard Midoriya yell, before seeing a green power flow through his body.

As you tried to take his advice and calm yourself, you saw Todoroki ignite his left side with flames.

You started to panic seeing the two boy’s super powers, and as your quirk overtook your brain and went into defensive mode, you felt your quirk overtake your body, and let out a bloodcurdling scream.

You felt as if your morning headache came back, this time, multiplied by a million. It was the worst pain you ever experienced, and made you go into overload.

As your headache continued to pound your head, you couldn’t think straight, and you screamed out an all powerful forcefield into the gym, as if trying to get the power out of you.

Closing your eyes, you sank to your knees, and pushed your hands to your head, squeezing it as hard as you could to stop the pain. You felt tears run down your face, and blood run down your ears. Nothing, not a single thing, could compare to the type of experience you were feeling right now.

“Open your eyes, dumbass!”

Letting out a gasp, you open your eyes to see your body blanketed in a blinding light, seeing the rest of the gym filled with the sheer power you were pushing out.

“BREATH!”

You took the deepest gasp you could through your mouth, choking on a few tears, but trying to calm your quirk.

“You got this! Come on! We’ve done this a million times before! I’m right by your side, baby!”

You quickly close your eyes as to get a small sense of your surroundings, letting air into your lungs before pushing all of it out, slowing repeating the process until your heartbeat got back to normal.

When you opened your eyes again, you saw nothing but a great disaster.

Gym Gamma was pretty much destroyed from the inside, with all the pillars turned into nothing but rubble.

Midoriya was on his knees and his hands squeezing his head, with his ears dripping blood, trying to catch his breath.

Todoroki also had some blood sipping down his ears, but slightly less that Midoriya, sitting up and putting his right hand to his face as a couple of ice cubes shot out. He gathered them up and handed a couple to Midoriya to help with his headache before placing a few on his own head.

You saw Hiro come up to you, not injured, which was a little odd, but he nuzzled his head to your stomach.

‘Don’t worry, I’m right here’.

You quickly wiped your tears trying not to move your head so much, as to not upset your headache.

“Jesus christ, that was an utter shitshow.”

You look up to see Bakugou holding you against his chest. His ears were also dripping with blood, although his ears seemed way more severe than Midoriya’s or Todoroki.

“Well princess, haven’t you gotten stronger?” He said as he gave you a shit eating smile.

Wait...

Did he call you baby?

taglist : lanaxians-2

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 3 years

Text

So, It’s been awhile. There’s a reason. The last week or so has been... a week. jesus christ. I shall regale you of my tale, not in chronological order necessarily because that’s how I roll. BUT if you suffer through it, you shall be rewarded with an outdoor plant update post after. Bribery.

So. Early last week, The Spawn sat down with me and presented a proposal, a well researched proposal, advocating for her starting her own residential cleaning business because she finds it incredibly satisfying and relaxing to clean stuff and she does quite well. So we sat and brainstormed, researched, and talked about how she planned to advertise. She needed a business gmail (and all the tools that come with that), logo, business social media, website, and flyers.

Being her age, she doesn’t have the skill or knowledge to do these things. So, I volunteered to help with these things so that she didn’t have to spend money hiring someone. I created the email account, put all the brainstorm stuff into a google doc that saved to the biz drive, which included a to do list and the basic info needed. I created a logo. (At which point, she called me a wizard while watching me do so.) I helped her try to create a biz facebook account, but facebook immediately flagged it as breaking the rules. like literally as soon as I created it. So I appealed it & The Spawn wanted to wait to see what came of that before I went further. So she took me with her to shop for the things on her supply list, and we decided to go grab some of the smaller stuff still needed for J’s appt at the same time. This was Friday.

Saturday, I got a text from J in the early afternoon saying that he needed me. I quickly packed a ‘just in case’ bag, since I didn’t know what to expect or how long I would be there. Now, you have to understand that in the 7 years we’ve been friends, while he has discussed things with me via phone or text, in person he is like me, incredibly stoic. Hell even via text or phone, he always insists that he’s fine and responds to my reminders that i’m here if he needs someone, and to just let me know, he responds “I appreciate it, but I won’t”. So him reaching out like that is a MASSIVE thing. I showed up, let myself in, and he just walked up to me, wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing. I stayed the night, alternating between being comforting and being distracting. It was extremely disarming to see such raw emotion from him repeatedly over the course of the night and to hear him say the things that he is usually uncomfortable articulating.

The next morning he seemed better, thanked me for coming (to which I responded “Of course I came. I’ve not ever been lying when I’ve said that I’d come if you needed me, day or night, but you have to let me know.”) and apologized for ‘being a mess’. I told him every time he apologized (which happened quite a bit over the course of the night) that there was no need for an apology because this wasn’t something to be sorry for. He was struggling, as people do, and rather than embrace the darkness or fight it alone, he asked for help from someone he trusts and loves that he knows reciprocates. That i know how hard it is for him to do that and that I am proud of him.

Sunday afternoon the kids (The Spawn and The Bf) picked me up because she needed to take him home but didn’t want to leave the dogs alone. I got in the car after The Bf got into the back, insisting I take the front seat. We hadn’t even gotten out of the parking lot of the apartment complex when The Spawn casually asked “So are ya’ll fucking?”

that’s how I learned that I was the subject of a bet. Apparently, The Bf asked where I was when he came over and out of convenience, not wanting to really explain the relationship, The Spawn said I was at my boyfriend’s. I guess he went on about how how come I’m never hanging out with him, etc, so The Spawn explained the actual nature of our relationship. At the end The Bf said “Nah, they fuckin’ but your mom isn’t telling you.” The Spawn said, “No, she’d tell me because when I started high school I asked her about her past encounters and asked about what stuff was, if she’d done it, and if she enjoyed it, and she was always honest with me. That’s how I know she likes it up the butt.” He insisted that J and I were banging so The Spawn, knowing the truth, took advantage of this and made a bet. It was an easy win for her. SO...

I get asked this question & I look at her, eyebrows raised because she knows how our relationship is (granted if I were physically able and he was willing, I would definitely jump back up on that horse) and said, “No. Mom is no longer physically capable of fucking without risk of severe injury. Plus, despite having ridden that horse previously, I’m not into endangering our besties status. I would go into further detail and commentary but I don’t want to make The Bf uncomfortable. These are things you know, so why do you ask?” She told me of the bet, Then i promptly text J about it because I knew he’d get a laugh out of it. And I was right.

By the end of Sunday, she recieved an email stating that facebook was upholding the ban, so she and I talked and decided to make a webpage via WIX and after getting a few clients, she could upgrade her account with them to get extras that are offered, including her own domain (rather than the name.wix address) and a lack of wix ads on her page. And then it all went downhill from there.

Monday through Wednesday (yesterday) had The Spawn breathing down my neck more than any boss I’ve ever fucking had about when her business shit would be done. On top of what I’d already done, between Monday and Wednesday I: set up her google voice account for a business number, wrote her a “first time client” script, created a google sheets quick reference client database, created a google forms for detailed client records (all in a folder together that is searchable by client name, which would be the title of the form), set up the calendar, downloaded and edited/collaged her before and after photos she took via cleaning some of our spaces, and built her a 7 page website including the photos, facts, and little blurbs that go along with it. It went live at the end of yesterday.

Throughout this process, rather than just checking in and thanking me for doing it all to save her money, she asked me every couple hours what still needed to be done. When I was not as far along as she felt I should be, she got progressively more hostile. Yesterday morning she had the balls to text me “What all do we still need to do before I can get rolling?” I responded with “ ‘We’? hahahahaha *I* still need to [list].”

I’m sure you’re saying to yourself, “Am I missing something? Did you forget to list something in the list of stuff you did between Monday and Wednesday? You mentioned flyers....” You are correct. But yesterday while I was being driven to my 2nd vax appointment by my father, I basically told him that I’m fried. If a flyer just included facts, I’d be fine, but the part where I need the potential customers to be drawn in and want to learn more is not happening. The creative well has run dry to the point that it is reminiscent of the dust bowl. And I reminded him that there is a reason I no longer do this type of shit for a living. I mentioned that thinking about The Spawn’s company is making me stress puke and that any time The Spawn approaches me to talk about anything, I immediately feel incredibly nauseated.

Now it should be noted that when I mentioned this in a multi paragraph text earlier, he responded with “Just take a step back from it for awhile, then go back to it.”

and everyone wonders why on earth I don’t speak up when I hit my limits and why I just push onward despite the damage it does to me. THIS. THIS IS WHY. Everyone is all for me not pushing myself too hard... until it is inconvenient for them. So I basically screamed in the car. On the way back he said he’d help. Ok. cool.

Except that every fucking idea he had legit just tripled the amount of work I was going to have to do. I mentioned being burned enough that I was considering just paying a freelancer to do it. This motherfucker chimes in with “Oh! [Cool Ex Employee Who Left to be a Stay at Home Mom with her First Baby] does stuff like that. Let me reach out to see if she’d be willing to.” BRUH. That should have been the first thing out of your mouth after my original texts! Jesus Christ. I agreed but with the caveat that HE had to tell The Spawn and say it was his idea because he sees me getting overly stressed and has put his foot down. And he had to do it that night because I knew that if he didn’t, the first thing I’d hear today was “So when are my flyers going to be done?” and I am absolutely not dealing with that shit. The only thing I am doing from this point forward is showing her how to use her database/client files/calendar and I will be happy to answer questions or give advice, but that’s it. This isn’t my company and I’m not employed by her, so I’ve already put in far more work than should have been expected of me, with very little thanks outside of after I finished her logo and a couple times she came down and watched, then told me I’m a fucking wizard.

Really It was good in a way because I had been doing that thing lately where I wonder if I’m just being dramatic because admin type stuff isn’t that hard and if I could do it from home, I should be able to manage... but this put me back down on earth, where I absolutely am not being dramatic and I cannot fucking do that shit 40 hrs a week for some random asshole. Shit, this was for my own child and I was ready to give up, stab her, then tell her to go fuck herself.

so...that’s been my last week and a half for so. Also, my only side effects from Vax 2 (pfizer) is feeling more tired/run down than usual and a bit of extra joint pain... but those might actually be related to the stress and hell I just went through. who knows.

as always, don’t steal my shitshow. get your own shitshow. suffer through your own crap.

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brotanicalgarden · 4 years

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TW: Mention of Su*cidal/Su*cidal Thoughts, S*xual Ass*ult, Abuse

I’ve taken a lot of time to think about, process, and honestly grieve this news. I don’t usually post things like this and I really don’t like to because I feel like I’m coming off as disingenuous but I really need to share this, for my own sake if nothing else.

Growing up I had a wall in my bedroom dedicated to The Killers. I pinned up their album covers, had posters, printed out memes and pictures. I even bought Hot Fuss 3 times (I wasn’t particularly financially literate between the ages of 12-16 but that’s a different issue). When I applied to Tufts I wrote my “What makes you happy” supplement about screaming along to Mr. Brightside in my bedroom after school. I even posted that essay on this blog after my first year at Tufts. The Killers’ music has always been a source of joy and comfort to me.

The year Battle Born came out I turned 14. I didn’t have a good home life. This is going to get incredibly personal but it’s necessary to fully understand my current devastation. Both my parents were alcoholics. My mother was also very mentally ill and abusive. While she never hit me there were times where I would respond to her (usually a simple yes or no) or ask her something and should would pull me into the center of the living room. She would then swing her leg up as if to kick me in the face but would stop her foot just in front of me. Then she would lower her foot and say “Come on, I’ll give you the first hit” and lean her face forward so I could punch her. I never did. This is but an example of what I went through. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends after school or on the weekends. I had one friend I was allowed to see during the summer because my mom liked her mom. We stopped being friends in middle school, as often happens, and my mom screamed at me on and off for weeks about how I took away her only friend. Again, just a sample. I was deeply depressed throughout middle and high school. I started listening to The Killers when I was 11. The year Battle Born came out I had a suicide plan. I decided to wait until after Christmas because I didn’t want to traumatize my whole family. That’s when I received Battle Born. Be Still changed me. It felt like Brandon Flowers had somehow heard my thoughts and was singing to me. Typical 14 year old thing to think but still, it was enough to stop me from trying to kill myself. If I’m being honest, waiting for that album’s release and getting my hands on it gave me something to look forward to. It helped. Listening to it on repeat every day after school for months helped. I felt less alone when I listened to it.

Wonderful Wonderful dropped my freshman year of college. I hated Tufts. I had no friends, my roommate was snobby and judgmental, and I wanted to transfer. I was miserable. But I kept listening to Out Of My Mind and each time it reminded me how I had longed to go to Tufts. How hard I had worked to get in. It was literally the only school I wanted to go to. In the end, I didn’t transfer and I’ve always owed a little bit of why I stayed to that song.

I was so excited when I heard they were releasing a new album this year. When I found out that Tana Flowers’ C-PTSD was the inspiration for most of the songs I knew I would have to buy the album. I don’t talk about it much because I’m still having a hard time navigating and coming to terms with it, but my sophomore year at Tufts I was diagnosed with PTSD. As you can probably figure out from the previous paragraphs, my childhood was the main factor in my developing the illness. I had hoped that listening to Imploding The Mirage would help me feel less alone, like Battle Born had. And I can honestly say that based off of Blowback alone, it would have. No other song has resonated with or described me better. “Poor, white trash, and always type-cast.” That definitely described my life experience, especially at Tufts. I’m used to people implying the reason I got in is because I’m poor and queer. I fit “demographics.” “But she’s gonna break out boy you better know that.” And I sure as hell fucking did. Not only did I get into Tufts but I got a full ride and I’m on track to graduate with honors. So yeah, you could say that song meant a lot to me even though I only heard the Good Morning America version and not the album version.

Throughout this pandemic, the economic crisis, and this entire shitshow of a year I have had Imploding The Mirage to look forward to. But I’m not going to buy the album.

As a long time fan I am devastated and disgusted. I cannot conceptualize the disappointment I feel. And as a survivor of sexual assault I cannot support this band in any capacity moving forward. I’m someone who will never receive justice for what was done to me. I don’t have the necessary physical evidence to ensure that my assaulter and abuser gets banned from campus and I certainly cannot take them to court over it. As sad as it is, that’s probably true for the victims in The Killers case as well. We will probably never be able to get them the justice they deserve but we can stop supporting the people who caused their pain. It is the least we can do to show our support for them.

I won’t buy the album. I also won’t request Mr. Brightside at any more parties or keep their poster on my dorm wall. I can’t listen to music created by a group of men I know were complicit in rape and sexual assault. I’m horrified to know that I’ve idolized people like this for over a decade. I encourage all of their fans to reconsider streaming their music or requesting them at parties or clubs in the future.

You can argue all you want about how this is just what the industry is like. That doesn’t make it okay. And of course The Killers’ legal team is going to say that the claims are unfounded. That’s what they’re paid to do. We need to have more open discussions about the music industry and how people are affected by it and we need to be willing to ask for better. Have whatever thoughts and feelings you want about cancel culture but some people and things need to be canceled so we can create a better and safer society. The Killers and other bands/artists who use their fame to take advantage of and assault fans and workers don’t deserve to have their music heard.

All I can think about when I listen to their music is my own assault. I spent my formative years idolizing this band. I’m devastated for the victims involved. I’m devastated for myself. But mostly I’m devastated for 13 year old me wishing for better days while listening to Hot Fuss and how Earth shattering this news would be. How Earth shattering this news is. I’ve always had an answer to the question “who’s your favorite band?” and now I don’t. That’s devastating. For so many reasons.

#the killers #music #cancel the killers #tw #imploding the mirage #wonderful wonderful #battle born #survivor #support survivors

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shikadainara · 4 years

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discussing the sad naruto deaths because why not:

zabuza and haku: OF COURSE this still makes me bawl my eyes out, “if possible, i wish... to go to the same place as you” is such an iconic naruto quote for a good reason. 10/10. (and the way haku finds out post-mortem how, really, zabuza didn’t see him as a mere tool all this time after all....!!! i hope they rest easy in the afterlife.)

hayate: does this even count. even on “sad naruto death” collages i don’t think i’ve seen a single person acknowledge that he was killed LOL

hiruzen: i cannot believe i actually cried over this bitch as a kid LOOOOL like??? it does make me the tiny smidgest sad how he was still trying to believe in the good in orochimaru until the very end but that’s all i’ll say. when you find out later how he was complacent in the uchiha clan massacre and also i realize now that i’m older that he could’ve VERY EASILY done something about how naruto was neglected but chose to do jackshit, that and reread the konoha crush it feels like this fight gets dragged on for so long and i’m just waiting for him to die faster bye bitch!!! 👋👋

dan and nawaki: eh i do like tsunade and all but also they’re kinda just. there. dead.

chiyo: NOOO MILF YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOO SEXY TO DIE!! 😭😭💔 ok but seriously, chiyo’s death it doesn’t have the “nooooo!!!” factor because she did willingly give up her life, not going out torn up and bloody, just peacefully transferring her life force away, but... wow. her death speaks so much about how she was willing to past things onto gaara, and his generation. it’s such a fitting death. and you know what i honestly want to say that chiyo is the best written female character in the whole damn manga...

asuma: HHHHHH???? i mean OF COURSE i love team 10 the most OF COURSE this tears my heart into pieces but!!! i wish it was better written!!! like of course his death cuts into shikamaru deep and by proxy it makes me so emotional because of it but... asuma you do have two other students Hello... the first half what he says to ino about how caring she is great, the second half about not losing to sakura in ninjutsu or in love is... kinda Uh but. the first half of what he says to chouji about how big his heart is is great, the second half about asuma spouting fatphobia is just??? WHAT!?!? THIS IS BOTH A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY, LET ALONE AS YOUR DYING WORDS TO YOUR STUDENT, AND DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!?!? hhh like i do think that!! asuma loves his students if not he wouldn’t treat them to barbecue all the time but!!! for fuck’s sake i reallllly wish we got to see what he actively did to teach both ino and chouji before he died... at least. at least i think the manga’s self aware because when his edo tensei is brought back, no one brings up the second halves of what he told to both ino and chouji, and his new final words of “your inoshikachou formation is complete.” is WAY better...

itachi: i don’t fucking know. itachi’s character is all over the place what am i Supposed to feel

shisui: ok honestly i remember like nothing about him sorry pass

jiraiya: hhhh?? like his whole death scene was great, it does make me sad with the build up of tsunade betting on his life since she never wins her bets, the way he’s fighting to the bitter end, him putting his pen down with “the tale of naruto uzumaki”, seeing both tsunade and naruto break down over the news of his death... BUT. yeah idk i wish he was a better person while he lived that would’ve been cool.

minato and kushina: well the impact of this one is lessened imo since well they were dead long before the series started their deaths was uhhh kinda what put the whole series in motion. it still is sad tho thinking about the AU where what their family could’ve been if they lived :(

nagato: i do like the rain kids and all but the rinne rebirth shit was pretty dumb like it felt like kishi just wanted to backtrack on actually killing off some characters lol

konan: uhhhh honestly i don’t remember what happened in her fight against tobi at all sorry. i’m sure her death was sad tho

neji: neji’s not even anywhere near my list of top favorite characters and his death was an absolute shitshow. you know why but the whole angel thing for NH shit is awful, the way tenten isn’t allowed to mourn for him she just says “lee...” ??? (idc about the ship i just mean as being his teammate), the fact that he goes down so easily, THE UH. THE DISTURBING IMPLICATIONS OF HIS CHARACTER ARC AND HOW HE DIED TO PROTECT THE MAIN FAMILY UHHHH. er. now that’s what i call Yikes!!!!

shikaku: NOOO DILF YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOO SEXY TO DIE!! 😭😭💔 i’ve expressed before but i do think the whole “i grew up watching your back” thing is kinda weird since it makes it feel like shikaku wasn’t that actively in shikamaru’s life but. we know that’s a lie??? we know that he’s konoha’s best father and is also sexy as hell??? the whole “live and guide them yourself, shikamaru.” MAKES ME BAWLLLL AAAAAAAAAAA (i do think that the whole “make sure to hide that from your mother” thing is also kinda weird but whatever i don’t think it detracts from the impact of his death lol) i hope you keep thotting it up in heaven king

inoichi: NOOO DILF YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOO SEXY TO DIE!! 😭😭💔 we know less about his relationship with ino but it’s abundantly clear from this scene alone how much ino absolutely loved her father... and again as someone who loves team 10 so SO much!! yeah. i do absolutely fucking hate the “POSITIVE LOVE *PICTURE OF SASUKE*” fuck off with that shit but. the “WHAT I’M MOST PROUD OF AS YOUR FATHER... IS YOUR FEELINGS TOWARDS YOUR FRIENDS” AWWWWWWWW and the way they both die by welcoming oblivion by saying that they’ll always still be in their children’s hearts.... AAAAAA

rin: idk i’ve seen both “you let rin die.” and the whole “haha you sure know how to steal a girl’s heart!!! *picture of chidori going through her chest*” memed on to death it’s so hard to take it seriously anymore i am sorry

obito (not the rock but for realsies): “YOU WERE THE COOLEST GUY!!!!!” that’s all i have to say

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fallingfromdepression · 3 years

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12/6/2020

this is gonna be less about school and more me rambling about my mental health and where i am rn in life. i got triggered earlier and i’m hoping i’ll feel better once i write it all out so then i can hopefully get my mind focused back on trying to do this final assignment due tmr evening that i’ve barely started so that’s what the stakes are. put under a cut bc it’s detailing quite a bit of some of my personal life

so i bought a surprise box from an indie artist that ended up being around $30 total with shipping (not too bad since the box is supposed to include at least $50 worth of merch). i haven’t had a lot of misc purchases ever since i came back home, or at least i’m definitely spending less than i did when i was at school, and i generally like all of this artist’s merch so i thought it was a decent expense. unfortunately i did have to buy it today when i am technically supposed to be working on finals and etc but it didn’t take much time since i was notified abt the restock yesterday and i preferred to buy sooner rather than later (i.e. after all my finals are finished) esp from small businesses that have a limited stock. but since my parent is intimately involved with my finances, they saw the purchase asap and kind of interrogated me abt it esp since it’s not a purchase from amazon or a bigger business.

now the context that makes that latter part more meaningful: about this time last yr, i had a situation where i tried to buy an anime merch through a proxy on twitter. this proxy didn’t have an actual website so i was buying through DMs. when i paid the proxy in advance, this same parent saw the purchase and asked me abt it and checked up on the process without asking for any further info. i made the grave mistake (in hindsight) of being honest and telling them i still hadn’t received the purchase months after i had paid them so then this whole shitshow ensued where my parent was convinced the proxy was conning me (the proxy had proxied merch for other ppl before based on their facebook proxy page) and had me cancel the proxy which the proxy thankfully agreed to except they still wanted some payment since they had still gone through the effort to get the merch supposedly (the wait was due to them not shipping the good out yet) so they said they were only going to refund part of the payment. yet again i told my parent abt this partial refund and that further convinced my parent the proxy was conning me (out of $3) so they were like no absolutely no payment to the proxy. lucky for the proxy, around the time i was refunding the payment i had left home and gone back to school so i told them to refund the full amt and i’d pay them separately so i could pretend this $3 payment was for something else i was buying physically. and very very lucky for me the proxy was understanding and refunded the full amt so it looked like i got everything back and i paid them separately through another app. the thing is i was expecting the proxy to take a while bc i had seen on other twitter accounts that proxied merch through individuals tended to take a while, and it had been abt 2ish months since i made the payment. i understand the concern my parent had esp since they are not familiar with online informal dealings, but the thing is ever since this fiasco my parent has assumed everything i buy from a small business (aka anything they don’t recognize) is me getting conned again.

to a degree i understanding and appreciate the concern, but i’m frustrated bc even with that proxy payment i literally cried that night out of anxiety and concern bc i knew there was a chance i could get conned and i had spent days being like ‘should i do it. oh god idk should i. but i’ve checked up on this proxy through any means possible and they seem ok enough...�� so it’s not like i’m like naive af and being like ‘tee hee con me !!’ like i understand the risk and was willing to do it (and to this day i still believe i would have gotten the merch albeit much later than expected). and my age is considered adult age pretty much internationally so it’s not like i’m a naive af 8yo who doesn’t know the dangers of the internet. yes i haven’t made much online purchases but i’m aware of the scams and try to make sure i’m buying from a trusted seller and if it’s worth it for the price. but i hate having to be so concerned abt my spending habits and whether the package will get here in time before my parent cancels the order out of fear of me being conned “again” at my age. i’ll admit i don’t have a stable job yet but it’s not like i’m spending money every week or even every month. if i wasn’t at home i would be less concerned bc the shipment isn’t going to my home address so the parent can’t scrutinize it but bc it is now, my spending is put under more scrutiny.

anyway my parent’s low-key interrogation shook up my mental state as expected and i had to take a bit to unload on my sibling and cry a little. i know if i wasn’t at home this wouldn’t affect me as much but bc i’m at home and having to deal with it in person instead of over text or a phone call... and the damn pandemic isn’t ending anytime soon so i’m going to have to stay at home for the indefinite future. it’s not like i have a ton of shit i want to buy but i don’t want to have to deal with this trigger every few months (last purchase was back in maybe september or so towards a book publishing kickstarter which i guess bc it was only $15 my parent didn’t kick up too much of a fuss abt since technically i still don’t have the ebook i paid for). i’m not purchasing any christmas presents for friends or anyone so i don’t have that as a cover or anything. but the thing is even once i leave home i have little confidence i’ll be able to be independent and my sibling told me it’ll take a few years for me to get a grasp on things but idk. it just feels so far away in the future and i can’t envision my present self with no motivation or willpower to do it even though i mean when push comes to shove i’ll get it done i suppose. i know the rational outsider’s answer would be ‘well why don’t you start working on that better future self now?’ and i’m like great fucking suggestion and i have nothing to argue against that. i just literally cannot envision my future at this point, even if i act on my vague dream of doing art as a job. maybe once i fucking finish these finals and this quarter i’ll be able to think more clearly but idk. as i said in my last post, i really need to consider seeing a therapist bc being at home and having to handle being under my parents’ control again is really doing a number on me esp as essentially a NEET (partially false since i’m still in edu but i really do be feeling like that since i feel so useless and dependent on my parents at my age when i know others my age are slightly more independent).

i feel like this ended up me rambling about essentially the same things i ramble abt whenever i talk abt my mental health the past few years and idk how much this actually helped unload the burden on my mental state. i just wish i didn’t have to have this trigger bc i would’ve just made the purchase and then not think much abt it until i receive the package. but now i have to have this concern for the future on top of the fucking deadlines i have in the next 2 days.

#diary

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