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#cant cry about it bc its just a 'small thing'
a-dash-in-the-middle · 2 months
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what if i-
best friend clears her whole schedule before she even reads where
-Love is your second nature, love is your language. Love! or whatever that one uquiz said about me
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cockringhoratio · 11 months
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i think “thank you for loving me” is possibly the worst manga panel of all time.
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girl-bateman · 3 months
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it sounds so obvious now, but im pretty sure my physical problems rn can all be traced back to the fact that my brain and body has been in a constant hypervigilance and cortisol overload for 3 months straight. the dizziness, the blackouts, the acne, the constant nausea, the giant eyebags and sudden crows feet ?? Like yeah, no shit thats what happens when ur every waking hour is the equivalent of that camille preaker crying gif
#i know the fact that i faint every couple of days and go a little blind sometimes should be priority here#but it REALLY pisses me off how much and how quickly this (?) stress is aging me#id still like to look good even if i feel like shit. sorry#the worst thing is that im doing everything in my power to do all the right things#but since i dont actually KNOW why having sex affected me in such a weird way. I cant really take the proper steps to get over it#like.. i can treat the symptoms best i can but as far as the root of it all. i have no idea whats actually wrong or how to fix it#in some senses it seems pretty cut and dry- i cant remember my childhood. i was neglected. i have a bunch of issues#i have sex for the first time. i stop functioning. i go into a depressive episode. i cant sleep.eat.be around people#i feel paralyzed by fear at the most random of times and have to hide in a small space to feel safe again. i cry so much i pop an eye vesse#like CLEARLY something is wrong. and just in an objective sense it sounds like something bad happened a long time ago associated with sex#however ! life is more complicated than that and i think its unhelpful to make assumptions (yes im aware i might also be in denial lol)#i already know i have trauma so its not weird for me to exhibit trauma responses. and maybe that was triggered bc i wasnt ready to have sex#it doesnt have to have a sinister explanation. it might just be as simple as me not vibing with the guy and regretting it later#idk. obviously my reaction to it is violently out of proportion. but i might just be a sensitive person !#does that sound silly or reasonable? reading it back i still kinda wonder if its just the denial speaking but idk!#i really really wish i just knew what was wrong so that i could actually start to move on#i know im bumming u guys out talking about it but i cant exactly talk to my family and im trying to not unload everything onto my friends :#bc as supportive and wonderful as they are i can tell they feel bad and have no idea what to say#which is fair enough bc its a really weird situation! so i dont want to burden them more than what i have to for my own sanity#tw#?#diary entries
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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smolsaltypan · 3 months
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#mmmm sometimes i understand why my mom was suicidal after 26 years with this asshole i would be too#just out of fucking nowhere tonight he's ranting at me about every fucking thing under the sun in any way that could make me feel bad#oh youre on your period? you were actively fighting off a seizure bc you were worried about your brother who never had tremors and was#seizing all day? well i had to watch him!#lazy bitch you didnt cook or feed me 🤬 sir you had cereal bc thats what you asked for#and no i didnt cook fuck off#oh we dont have a new fridge or mattress? thats because when i tried to get you out to go you said nah another day#fuck right off he's fully looking for reasons to fight and be mean to me#i might cry alone in my room but all he'll achieve is putting himself in the hospital with his anger#im glad my mom is free from this#wish i could be but i dont want to have to fucking die to not have to deal with this#i just want a dad who can act like an adult#not throw a tantrum and abuse me after an already stressful day#so what if i had fun going to a kbbq restauraunt after my doctor's appt without him. i was with cousins.#cant do shit withiut him pitching a fit#hes also salty bc i wont let him go to my doctor's appointments with me#im 23 almost 24 and literally paid to be your caregiver what fuckjng makes you think i want you there#if i wanted moral support i wouldnt have been going to doctors alone since it was legal#caught myself thinking uh. about wanting to be dead while he ranted at me for 20mins#this all started bc i havent boight the dogs flea meds yet. its not even time to give it to them. but i walked past him to piss and said#stop bringing it up dont bitch at me day after day after day about stupid small shit im gonna get done anyway#and he took that as a challenge
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skyjynxart · 5 months
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#hmmmm#vent cw#dont read this#no seriously i warned you im being a whiney piece of shit#I should probably be worried about the 3-day long panic attack ive had going on#the physical symptoms really are rhe works- the swimming vision the dizziness the tight chest feeling that is uniquely 'anxiety'#and then you add the inability to think for more than like 5 minutes about any given topic#the stress to the point of wanting to cry when things go slightly wrong#but ironically i cant seem to summon any actual anxiety about the anxiety#juat a blank numbness there#really do need it to stop tho as i think its destroying what little appeal as a human i had left at this point#and its seriously hampering my ability to get work done#which i absolutely need to be doing bc if i dont finish my work i cant take on more work#and if i dont take on more work i will officially no longer be paying my bills next month#'sky this seems like talk for a therapist not hidden tags on the tumblr dash' yeah I dont think sitting on this for a month will work#'talk to a friend about it then' hahaha no at least here anyone who reads this fuckin chose to#putting up with me normally is a big ask putting up with me when im needy & anxious & breaking down bc its Too Fucking Much?#lmfao hell no i like my friendship INTACT thanks#a bitch is not about to be a drain on emotional resources when said bitch cannot contribute fuckall of value thats how you make it all worse#and then a month later the therapist cancels so i just keep adding tags to this post bc no one will read them#but i feel like im “talking to someone”#the panic attacks stopped but i have no idea why#i mean im still feeling unusually heightened anxiety 24/7 but its not causing physical symptoms#not like it was anyway#and at least now being anxious makes sense#its a bunch of small to medium shit id probably feel better about if i talked more#but the less i talk and just observe people from a distance unseen the happier people i care about seem so#im literally a fifth wheel so the least i can do is not squeak and alert others to my presence#i really need to get better at art and get faster at working so i can have SOMETHING to offer#oh wow theres a tag limit apparently guess i have to find a new method bc making a new post is begging for attention & I don't wanna do that
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thedeathwitchescats · 11 months
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Okay, review time!! If you are one of the oddballs who thinks you cant be critical of something you love I suggest you stop reading now before I ruffle your feathers. Iron flame, second in the empyrean series. I am gonna start with what I was not a fan of and then go into the shit I adored.
1) what in the actual fuck was the pacing of this book?? I can tell you what, it was non existent. There was none. Where I thought there was a lot of filler in the last book there was none in this one. We got snap shots of conversations and then *boom* more plot flew at you. The timeline of this book greatly suffered for it i think bc we end only a couple weeks, if that, after threshing, which happens sometimes in October. This book was actually so wild with times.
2) while it was a spectacular cliff hanger, xaden becoming venin pisses me off. Especially if Rebecca yarros isnt going to have him tell violet. Like if that small tid bit of a conversation we got wasnt him telling vi that he was venin then the entire romantic conflict of this book was rendered pointless and their going to be having the same fucking fight for the rest of the series and at rhat point I give up.
3) I understand that the revolution is trying to take down basgaith and make the world better or whatever the fuck but can someone actually formulate a real plan for me?? Because I feel like their mission is just, giving violet and xaden something to be pissed at each other about.
4) the entirety of cats character. I get that she was set up as a spin on the typical jealous ex. Like having her be bitter about xaden picking violet over her but OH WAIT it wasnt actually about the man it was about the crown, oohh not like other girls. Im a writer too I see the point. I dont care. I think it was trashy. If you wanted her to be a bitter spiteful ex then have her be a bitter spiteful ex, the whole crown thing was shallow.
OKAY haters your time is up now onto the shit that made my heart hurt with joy and sadness
1) xadens arc in this book. I really liked that he went from "transparency is never gonna happen" to losing his fucking mind over violet and giving her everything. I love feral men and he qualifies. I think his arc was really well done and i liked it.
2) I appericiate that violet stuck to her guns for this book. She wouldnt let xaden off without a fight and I loved that. She made him bow and scrape and I was eating it up. It was spectacular.
3) the throne room scene. Violet on the throne. "Im making a temporary point not a lasting vow of maschocism" xaden being feral.
4) that gets its own point actually, just xaden being completely feral this entire book healed a part of my soul.
5) andarna's little speech at the end where she was like "I waited for you violet" made me ugly cry. That was just so hopelessly good I loved it. Andarna in general heals my heart but that part was just *chefs kiss*
6) tarin being completely and utterly ready to eat people this entire book. Just, at every turn "I want lunch their pissing me off " was spectacular
7) every scene their squad was in. Rihannon, violet, sawyer and ridoc are my roman empire. Their bond is so amazing. The fact that they launched a rescue mission for violet. Rihannon being ready to kill xaden at every turn. Ridoc being so platonically and adorably in love with violet. Just- augh happy cries happy cries. I love it all. Their so special tbh.
8) I love xaden actually, just, the whole book every scene hes in lives in my brain.
9) I liked that we saw a small bit of violet being feral this book too. I hope that we get more of that in future books. I want more of violet losing her fucking mind. Hot, badass women covered in blood
10) Liam. Fucking Liam. When violet was kidnapped and Liam was there. Now, do I logically understand that he was a hallucination, yes, do i care?? No. He was a gift from Maleck I will be hearing no critiques on that. It was so fucking sweet and amazing. I love violet and Liam and Liam being dead so horribly breaks my heart. I loved Liam. Liams death lives rent free in my skull.
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the-record · 1 month
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CASUAL.
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SUMMARY: you want all of her, but abby only wants a friend
PAIRING: college!fwb!abby anderson x reader
A/N: i hate this a little but this is for the person who wanted a casual fic under the abby tag this is for u 💋💋 ur genius bc yes i love abby&casual&chappell so yes here
my masterlist
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‘ I’M JUST A GIRL THAT YOU BANG ON YOUR COUCH ’
abby: babyyyyyyyt
abby: when ate you cming overrrrrrtt
angel: when you’re sober!
abby: boooooooooooooooooo
angel: i can come over tomorrow, i work tn anyways
abby: fine
abby: miss u
angel: miss u too babes
“you’re still with her?” dina asks while she reads over your shoulder. “didn’t she ghost you and come back like nothing happened?”
your thumb locks your phone as you turn it over on your lap. “so?” you turn to face the brunette, “its nothing serious anyways.” you have to defend yourself against dina and her girlfriend, ellie, way too often.
“tell that to angel three weeks ago crying in my apartment.” ellie piped up. “we’re just trying to be good friends.”
dina wraps her arms around your shoulders as you turn back around. “exactly babes, we love you.”
“whatever.”
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you’re both quiet. an artist you dont know sings soft words while crickets harmonize. abby’s fingers run up and down your bare back and yours tangle in her hair. usually, the girl has an ample amount of topics to bring up, but tonight the jar runs empty.
“what are we?” you question. abby’s hand slows before settling on your lower back, toying with the band of her boxers that you wear.
she sighs before answering, thinking about what to say. “friends?” you snort in response. “i don’t know, i told you i wasn’t ready for anything serious right now. you knew what you were getting into.”
you push off of her and sit up with a soft groan. her room is dark but you’re able to find the tee you wore when you came over. the girl reaches for your hand but you pull away.
“i’m going home for the weekend, if you want to come with.” she smiles when she sees one pull at your face first. “it’ll be fun, a couple days away to seattle? hm?”
you face the blonde, now propped up on her forearm, a tousled braid over her naked shoulder. you give in so easy. especially when her lips find yours.
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angel: can someone feed alice for me this weekend?
dina: yea ofc
angel: thanks hon
ellie: why cant u? wya
angel: going out of town :)))
ellie: with?
dina: stop interrogating her babe
ellie: no no
ellie: angel who and where
angel: seattle
dina: with who
angel: werent u on my side????
ellie: BRO
ellie: NO CHANCE OMFG
dina: angel dont omf
angel: i didnt even say who??????????????
ellie: ur so guility
angel: and youre so illiterate “guility”
dina: so defensive holy shit
dina: omg u are going with her
angel: omfg get off my dick
ellie: u literally never listen dude
angel: says u
ellie: tf does that mean
angel: cat?
dina: angel wtf thats low
ellie: ykw
ellie: she literally has a new girl every weekend
ellie: you’re just another fwb girl and u know it
ellie: have fun in seattle.
angel: i will thx xoxo.
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her dad is sweet, a surgeon as abby brags. you can tell they’re close. he is observant and does his best to make you comfortable. their home is cozy, fireplaces with incredibly old family photos on the mantle. her senior portraits are hung in the staircase. you learn a million and one things about her on the trip.
she loves blue. big hiker. could play board and card games all day. doesn’t love to smoke. she hasn’t changed her room since the 6th grade. they can make a mean chocolate chip cookie.
you learn one that stays in the front of your mind during breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, and the car ride home.
“this is all just casual right? you dont actually have feelings? okay good, as long as we’re on the same page.”
when you come home, ellie ignores you as she moves around cleaning the dinner mess in the kitchen. when dina asks how the trip was, you leave out one small part.
“it was great. we went on an amazing hike and her dad is so kind, i had a lot of fun.”
she offers dinner bur you kindly deny, saying you were tired from the drive and just needed sleep. she smiled and sent you off with a quick hug and an ‘i love you’.
you continue to see abby.
she’s softer and kinder after that weekend. she kisses gently and sweetly. she takes you out on dates. you call her name in the passenger seat of her truck in a field in the middle of nowhere. it’s different now.
you don’t tell dina or ellie.
abby’s name is brought up less when people gossip over who’s with who. you hear less of her rendezvous’ with other girls. less and less until it stops.
you ignore your feelings and enjoy the warmth of her while you still have the chance. her dad invites you back and you spend many weekends with the two, laughing and drinking wine on the couch. she sits behind you on the couch while you watch a cheesy rom-com, making fun of the cliches with you. many smiles shared and laughs sung.
your favorite sleep shirt stays at her place. her favorite hoodie is hung in your closet.
when you go out with her friends she drinks and teases you in front of them. your cheeks warm, you excuse yourself and she always finds you in the bathroom. an apology and kiss lead to more.
ellie slowly forgives you, you all hang out as friends again.
her dad says he thinks of you as his daughter.
abby says she thinks of you as a friend.
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angel: we need to talk
abby: woah sounds serious lol
angel: yes it is to me
abby: yea, okay. ill be over tn?
angel: okay, lmk ill unlock the door.
abby: see u baby
angel: see u
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abby knocks, she always does.
abby smiles and sits on the edge of your bed.
abby shakes her head when you start to talk.
you can’t do this anymore. “i’m done abby. we’re done.”
shes confused though, “what do you mean? i thought we have fun.”
and you do, shes not wrong. but you have fun as ‘friends’ and not lovers. you hold her as a friend. you kiss, and make love, and drink, and laugh, together, as friends.
“i told you i didn’t want a relationship!” she counters. abby stands and grabs your hands. “i wasn’t ready, you cant be mad at that.”
you smile and shake your head. “im not mad, im just over it. i want more. a label, a sense of security abby.” you sit and pull her down with you. “i dont want casual.”
when she leaves you finally open up to dina and ellie. they’re quiet, but its comfortable as you speak and they understand.
abby texts an apology that night and you react to it, a heart.
when she texts again you don’t answer.
‘ I HATE THAT I LET THIS DRAG ON SO LONG
NOW I HATE MYSELF ’
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saintobio · 4 months
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HELLOOO FINALLY GOT TO SEND AN ASK!!!
first of allllll…. i think the time momjo sending the child guardian paper (?) that satoru typed out of anger is a hint…. and then satoru telling yn that sachiro called akemi mama… this honestly hurts alot more, imahine carrying your baby for 9 months, taking care of baby sachiro for 3 years alone, all the sleepless nights… and sachiro just ugh u dumbass small brain toddler (literally). anyways, satoru looking at akemi during suguru and shoko’s wedding, his hand rubbing akemi’s stomach at the cabin when she was in pain. honestly this part was akemi faking her pain or…? cuz there was a line that said after satoru asked if she wanted to go home her face didnt show anymore pain ? lololll idk. i dislike (hate) gojokemi but i think theyre gonna be endgame with all these theories coming up oh godddd. and the way yn threw the necklace into the lake, satoru went to search for it but did he manage to find it ? no. but during sn yn (well, suguru) found gojos wedding band. so in sy, yn threw away satoru’s “heart”, and it was never found again, thats a hint (?) bruhhh i hate thissss (i love this so much actually it made me feel so much i love u saint) i also recall the first time satoru and akemi first did it together he said smthg like i could learn to love u ? if i remember correctly. and the morning at the cabin after yn and gojo did it, yn was crying bcs they had a heartfelt talk ? and u mentioned they both felt guilty. the guilt is…. yeah.
BUT ALSO, satoru once said that yn has always been the one, sera when she saw gojo after forever told sukuna that he looks different when hes being with akemi, like hes not being himself? but that was when they first got together so idk about now. him not calling gojokemi exclusive. oh how they were happy and loving when yn got pregnant 🥹 but well it lasted until… yeah. also u said something about gojo gonna be on his knees again, since yn is now depressed and suicidal, i think for her heart disease shes gonna sign a DNR, then satoru on his knees maybe begging the doctors idk gawd idk someone mentioned dnr and i just… 🙂 its not that she wanna leave sachiro either, but i think shes telling herself everything will be better if she dies since sachiro, still very young, doesnt even really remember yn (just why sachiro) and called akemi mama… also why the hell didnt gojo use protection when fucking akemi oh gawd pls hate u satoru if she gets preggo.
anyways, i cant wait for gen to be back. i love u gen and ian.
oooh i also remember that you said there was a scene that inspired the birth of sn/sy, was it in chapter 11 ? or we’re not there yet…
honestly why dont yn just join shoko and suguru and be in a happy poly relationship ever looollll just kidding. my heart hurts, im still all in for gojoyn endgame but it doesnt seem realistic. ive been cursing gojo and akemi ever since the chapter came out loolll gotta give myself credit for being able to do my exams while still thinking bout this. 💀
omg there’s a lot to unfold here idk where to start 😭 but i just wanna say, it’s amazing how you’re so thorough in remembering those details in sn/sy bcos i honesty don’t have enough attention span to do that !!! sdjsj now while i can’t answer everything you mentioned, i can say a few things:
- akemi isn’t faking her pain, she’s truly struggling from it
- gojo doesn’t want kids outside of marriage (or should i say if not with yn), so he’s definitely careful with it.
- yes, it is indeed sy11 that birthed the sequel :’) i had that scene in mind before sn was even finished
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kichona-s · 1 month
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Hereby requesting facial structure rant
ok for those who dont know this is reference to my post where i cry about george's beautiful fucking face at 2am
this is pretty fucking specific and also pretty long so i wont clog your tl with it so its under the cut
OK FOR GEORGE. Personality and everything else aside he has my most favourite face out of the entire grid (sorry guanyu) BECAUSE. LOOK AT HIM. THERE SO MANY NICE ANGLES AND ITS SO NICE AN LONG AND HIS CHEEKBONES??? THE JAW??? his nose also fits his face really nicely ok but the key is to not look at him head-on you need to get the side profiles and the 3/4 views because FUCK. i love so much theres so many points of interest for his face also his chin juts out really strong which looks lowkey kinda funny in some pictures but it really adds to the whole angleley bony face structure he has going on anyway. george my number 1 fav face the only thing im not a big fan of are his ears rip theyre too round for the whole angular coherency BUT THATS FINE IDC
MOVING ON TO MAX VERSTAPPEN (this is not done in a ranking order btw i havent drawn the whole grid so i cant properly rank everyone) ok like im gonna be real with yall. i thought he was fucking ugly as shit when i first got into f1. like i looked at his photo and was like ??? ig he wins a lot lmao OK BUT THEN LIKE A FEW MONTHS AGO I KEPT GETTING MAX STUFF ON MY TIKTOK FYP AND I WAS LIKE. HOLD ON. HIS PERSONALITY KINDA CUTE ASF. ok yea basically i gaslit myself into loving his face (either that or charles possessed me). for max im way too drawn to his lips (@loquarocoeur bro u know this lmfao) and ngl anyone who read the notes in my face breakdown u could probably tell but i love his lips??? so much??? gonna keep it pg here but he should suck on more things other than the twisty redbull can straw things
still on max but i really like how fucking square his face is. its so refreshing to draw. also did you notice that he has a small ass forehead?? bc he does. he looks wrong when i draw his forehead too big its kinda funny (looking at YOU oscar). i also really like his ear shape? it bends pretty low so it looks kinda cute and i try to make sure i draw it properly lmfao. special note to when hes looking down but then his eyes look up and holy smokes it brings out his nose bridge and the eyebrow bone thing SO WELL???!! anyway i want to eat him
for oscar uh. his face is oval? i guess?? after all the oscars ive drawn youd think i have more to say but i dont :( his face is pretty and also sometimes a pain to get right but other than that nothing too much for me to rant about. OK BUT HIS HAIR??? LOVE HIS HAIR I LOVE THE FUCKING SWOOPY THING IT DOES (it also makes my life WAYYY easier bc i can just draw the swoop and most people know its oscar yay for good character design). also everyone is right he does look like a cat. a cat with a massive fucking forehead. also whenever i draw him i remember that hes only three years older than me and its pretty scary ngl! thats hitting a bit too close to home for my taste! hes cute though and ive definitely drawn some banger oscars so one love
NOW FOR LANDO WHOOOOIMABOUTAMAKEANAMEFORMYSELFHERE! ok firstly his face is like a V so i always need to remind myself to bring the sides of his face in more compared to oscar. also did you know his eyes are a bit lopsided? theyre on different parallel lines im telling you go look at the 2023 official driver photos its So Bad i want to cry (that was also my first introduction to him so. i thought he was fucking ugly too). his face is really interesting to draw especially with his eyebrows that fade in and out and are really fucking bushy in the middle LMAO. do i love his face? nah. is it fun to draw? yea pretty fucking fun ESPECIALLY because he somehow suits all the funny shit i wanna put him in like dresses and skirts and bikinis (and also @cx-boxbox is an enabler istg half of the landos ive drawn probably wouldnt exist without her) also his ears look pointy from certain angles and i think thats really cute so i always draw them pointy :))
for charles uh i dont like drawing his hair its a pain. nice face i guess
LASTLY MY ONE AND ONLY!! THE MAN WHO BREAKS ME OUT OF ARTBLOCK REPEATEDLY!!!! ZHOU GUANYU!!!!!!! he's just very cute to me i love his stupid fucking eyebags AND ALSO THE WAY HE SMILES IS ADORABLE I WANNA PASS OUT :(((((( i dont draw his non-chibi version as much bc whenever i do i feel the need to make him Perfect (because hes my fav yknow) so i tend to just. not do it. unless i need to cure my artblock then i draw him so idk hes like my pc reset button. anyway i love zhou and i love looking at pictures of zhou and if he doesnt get a seat next year i will probably cry. also shoutout to sweetcorn the bestest most adorablest cat (wins out jimmy and sassy btw i dont care sweetcorn is the best fight me)
comments questions and arguments are all encouraged i stand firm in my stances (for now at least we'll see again 6 months later)
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ryuichirou · 4 months
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I wanna start with I love your blog sm and I’m not trying to jump on the train, in fact I don’t even mind if you just read this and don’t post or even just delete after you read, but I know where the “Rook gaslighter” thing comes from and wanted to explain (I also just LOVE talking about rook even if its negative). Im not explaining to change your mind but rather to inform!! Because I love spending hours analyzing the characters, pls don’t stop drawing rook!! Ever!!
ANYWAYS now that “please don’t hate me I have to uncontrollably explain everything about my favorite character(s) the second someone doesn’t know about one small detail 😭” is over, I will explain! During Vil’s lab wear vignette, Rook asks Vil when he’s going to start his new diet. Vil, confused, is like what??? Tf?? And rook is like “yeah :D you have put on 3 pounds exactly :)”. Vil is lowkey like wtf Rook I haven’t noticed shit and rook is like “okayyy but who do you believe? Me or literally anyone else?” And vil is like “yeah you’re right, I’ll adjust my diet, thank you rook”.
The ‘issue’ with the “rook is a gaslighter” is it’s SOLELY a fandom thing (and maybe with other characters, but still, like. Vil is a world class model he CANT put on weight like a normal person could because it’ll unfortunately affect his career. The beauty world is just like that, irl too. Plus, this is something he wants for himself, even if he admits to hating the diets during his overblot, it’s still a part of who he is). Vil, himself, views rook’s behavior as a helpful thing, he appreciates Rook’s supernaturally keen eye! He might be offended but ultimately he would not have Rook as his vice-prez if he didn’t respect or admire Rook in some way.
I adore the way you draw them together!! The one where vil is like “how dare you! Just because he’s strange doesn’t mean he’s like that!” And rook is behind him with blood on his face, he’s so cute! I recently found another blog that is similar to yours that I also wanted to see if you knew bc they draw rook out the same way you do! @/fadiesismin is so cool and I think you’d love their artwork!!! Also I’m very sorry for the long-winded ask, in my defense, I’m also a Sagittarius. Rook 🫶 Me, xoxoxoxoxo!!
Sagittarius Anon! I’m sorry it took this long to reply.
First of all, thank you for enjoying our stuff and for your support! I am very happy that you like the way we portray RookVil. Their relationship is very interesting and honestly quite nuanced; we don’t usually gravitate towards ships that have this strong of a “they’ve been dating for a while” vibe, but these two are just too charming. Probably because despite them deeply understanding each other and sharing a lot of values and passions, they really aren’t a perfect couple, and we get to see it in moments like the vignette you’ve mentioned, or Rook’s lab wear vignette, or on multiple other occasions. Rook isn’t the perfect boyfriend, in fact, he is quite a menace sometimes without really meaning harm (still, he technically made Vil cry at least once); but there also isn’t another person that would get Vil as deeply as Rook does and support him as well as Rook does. What they have is special, but isn’t perfect at all.
As you already know, we also love talking about characters a lot, so I even though I am late with this reply, I am happy to have an opportunity to talk about these two and Rook specifically. So thank you for sending this ask and waiting!
I’ve seen this vignette being used as an example of Rook being gaslighting/manipulative before, and to be honest, I don’t really get this argument. I understand that the reasoning is usually that Rook sounds similar to a man that lies to his girlfriend about her being fat because he wants her to be even skinnier or just to be an asshole about it, but here is the thing: this isn’t what Rook is doing though. Gaslighter always has ulterior motive behind their manipulations, even if it’s just to mess with someone else’s head for fun or to control this person. But with Rook (both in this vignette and in general), what you see is what you get: the man is brutally honest, sometimes even too honest. Vil himself is very aware of that and has mentioned it multiple times.
It’s just like you said! Vil never lets anyone forget that his looks are important to him (both because of his own standards and because he is a model), so of course Rook would comment on something that he noticed. This is the foundation of their relationship: Rook gives Vil his feedback because Rook sees things that other people don’t. Does it mean that this feedback is always 100% necessary and Vil should change things according to how Rook critiques him? Of course not. Maybe sometimes it would be better for Vil to just take it easy and relax instead of perfecting every single thing, but this isn’t what Vil wants for himself: he doesn’t want to be pampered, he wants to be appreciated for his hard work. Rook enables Vil’s perfectionism, but don’t forget that Rook is that force in Vil’s life that doesn’t let him forget what he is doing all that for (I’ve talked about Rook being protective of Vil’s “beauty” = love for art here). Vil having a toned body is something that Rook enjoys, but this is mainly something that Vil wants himself; I kind of think that as long as Vil’s passionate and unapologetic about things that he does, Rook would find beauty in him no matter how he looks. Remember him at the end of ch6 after Vil’s grandpafication? Yeah exactly.
Alright, I digress. The point I am trying to make is that Rook is very direct with Vil, sometimes even too direct, and this is the opposite of gaslighting. Even when he suggests things “lightly”, he is still upfront about them: he doesn’t try to plant any ideas in Vil’s head.
Rook sounds and acts like a jerk sometimes, but he means well, and it’s not an excuse, just a fact. In Rook’s head, Vil always takes his direct remarks and observations very well, what’s so different this time? Even if you’ve been with someone for years, fuckups are unavoidable, especially for someone who has problems with tact.
To reiterate: could this scene be triggering or upsetting? Absolutely. Are there people who comment on other’s weight to make them insecure or make them doubt themselves? Absolutely. Is this what Rook does? Absolutely not. It just isn’t true to his character: he wouldn’t gain anything if Vil started doubting himself, in fact, he would have hated it. He doesn’t want Vil to be insecure or unsure, this is literally what he confronted him about at the end of Ch5. He also doesn’t need to do anything for Vil to trust him more than others: Vil already does. When he was saying that he knew better than anyone or anything else, he stated the truth, and this is what so fucked up about Rook: he really does know better.
It’s very important to remember that these characters have their own circumstances and their own writing, and we are fucking blessed to have a cast of characters this interesting and complex.
By the way, I am saying all of this as someone who wouldn’t mind Rook being a gaslighter and could see fanon scenarios where it could work, but those need to be very well-written not to ruin his character, because honesty is an integral part of Rook Hunt. For better or worse.
Also, I know you haven’t mentioned Jade, Anon, but since this entire discussion started with comparing the two, I wanted to note that Jade’s Dorm Uniform vignette exists. Vil literally looked at him man and decided not to trust him for one moment, even scolded Rook for even humouring the idea that Jade was telling the truth. And this is just one instance; we are constantly being reminded by everyone in cast about the fact that Jade is shady and we shouldn’t take seriously the majority of things that he says (pretty much verbatim to what Floyd said about him in the Playful Land event). Jade doesn’t care about honesty, he doesn’t care about lying either: all he cares about is what to say to make the others react in the most interesting way possible. He loves messing with people, and the world is his playground….
(I am also pretty sure that he comments on Azul’s diet; this has nothing to do with gaslighting either, just thought I’d mention that since we’re talking about this)
Anyways, thank you again for your ask, Anon! I hope this wasn’t an exhausting read. I always feel like I haven’t said everything that I wanted to say, but fortunately I still have tons of replies to write, so I’ll have my chance..! Probably.
PS. @/fadiesismin’s works are very good!!
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002yb · 9 months
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I cried during your whole reply to the late ask. But please consider: Dick can't stand to look at Jaybin bc he feels too guilty and sad and he still thinks its his fault. And little jaybin is sad bc nothing has changed Dick still haces him no matter how much he loves him and Jason goes full mother on him bc a) he gets it, those are his feelings b) its a kid and Jason cant stand to look at a kid sad and c) if no one is looking out for him he might as well do. Damian is very !!!! Bc his position as jasons baby is in danger but also thats Jason as a *baby*. And Jason is just mothering two kids and Dick is taken out at the knees bc Jasons so perfect and protective and omG he wants to cry everytime he sees them. (Bruce is crying ln the corner and staring holes onto them) (Jason confronts Dick about making Jaybin sad and Dick cries)
Im so sorry this is so long but i got thoughts that i wanted to share bc your posts always make me happy<33 hope youre doing good and take it slow and one step at a time<3 love u<3
The angst potential from this angle of the double-Jay!AU, oh dear. It hurts in a different way from this post. But yes, let's explore:
Where Jaybin is so excited to see what's become of the future. He's eager to see how his small family is doing and if it's grown, what all Batman & Robin have achieved - what Jason has accomplished. More than anything, he wants to know that all their efforts have made a difference for Gotham.
Needless to say, Jaybin is left...unmoored, for lack of better words.
Because everything is wrong.
Bruce won't look at him. Dick still avoids him. Gotham is still fucked up. And just - Jaybin is welcome in the mansion, but it doesn't take a detective to realize that future Jason is estranged because everyone hates him, too
And ughhh, Jaybin trying to mend those burned bridges because he's alone and without proper support, but it's like he's a ghost
So, because Jaybin knows that it must be his fault, he singles out Jason. Without really understanding what happened, Jaybin blames himself and tells Jason to fix it.
Because Jaybin wants his dad back. He wants his family.
Jason being blindsided by 'his' upset feelings although they're nothing new. He's sat with them for years. No one understands more than him how fucking bad this grief hurts.
But Jason is Jason and while he feels a compulsion to help, the subject matter strikes him dumb temporarily
So Jaybin grieves because he can't understand what went wrong. Something something, he lashes out and says some cruel things about how they should just die
And that's what Damian overhears and like. This boy does not take kindly to the cruelty.
There's a Damian/Jaybin throwdown that finally snaps Jason back into action. He separates them and sends Damian off with a promise to tend to him later, but for now - Jaybin
With Jason patching Jaybin up. And them having a bit of a heart to heart.
Where Jason hears out everything that's bothering Jaybin and answering as patiently/kindly as he can. Things with Bruce? Can't fix that. Gotham? Work in progress. Bat methods are a joke, so he's trying his own thing.
And Dick?
What about him?
Jaybin kicking out his leg and grumbling about how Dick still hates them. He avoids Jaybin like the plague.
Jason being surprised at that. While it made sense back in Jaybin's timeline (something Jason has begrudgingly come to understand), Dick seems the sort to capitalize on a situation like this. Jaybin is, objectively, darling. And easily teased.
Jason grumbling about how Jaybin must have that crush by this point in time, huh?
Jaybin flustering because what? No. Shut up.
Jason snickering, then getting melancholic and soft. He shrugs and admits nothing comes of it. Better to give it up.
Have you?
It's the biggest call out.
It's not something Jason is dealing with, so he slaps a bandage on Jaybin's face and goes to tend to Damian
Which leads to sleepovers at Jason's flat. Where Damian bristles like a territorial cat because Jaybin is encroaching on Damian's Jason/space/etc. The only reason Damian behaves himself and begrudgingly looks after Jaybin is because Jason requests it of him. Damian definitely isn't happy about it though.
Which leads to a whole other side plot of Damian learning about who Jason was before he grew to be what he is. And Damian recognizing qualities he really loves about Jason in Jaybin, but also the differences. Like how all Jason's jagged edges aren't yet so piercing. Jaded, but not yet wrecked.
And of course Damian falls in love with Jason all over again contemplates his discoveries to Dick. Who is fondly reminiscent because he remembers well and sees it all, too. ;U;
But what's more? Dick recounting stories of the sparse times Jason and he were together. Damian noticing how Dick is so soft and melancholic and regretful.
Which, like - just hang out with him? Jaybin is here. Now's the time to make things right.
Which Dick is adamantly against because he's of the mindset that he'll make things worse. He always does with Jason. And Damian is fully just l: because really, Grayson? Pathetic. He wasn't there before; be there now. If Damian knows anything with any certainty, it's that Dick is unashamedly relentless. Is Damian wrong? )<
More than anyone, Damian knows the importance of Dick just…showing up. So.
Which leads to Dick asking Jaybin to go on patrol with him.
Needless to say, Jaybin, Jason, and Damian are dumbstruck because what
Jason and Damian? Jealous af (though Jason bites his tongue while Damian spits and sputters because he's Robin, damn it). Jaybin though? Starry eyed with the most brilliant of smiles
Commence a lot of Dick and Jaybin bonding as Dick steps up in the way he couldn't before. All while Jason and Damian get all huffy and petulant in the background.
But it's cool because Jaybin invites Dick over for dinner at Jason's one night. Which forces Dick and Jason to spend time together in a domestic capacity. But before that:
Dick being let inside the flat by Jaybin. And Jason peers around the corner to the kitchen because who the fuck?
His eyes going wide because wtf is Dick doing here?
'Whatever it is - it wasn't me.'
Which makes Dick grimace because he's not here on a case, Jaybin invited him
Jason being all wary because that's just how things are at this point. Still, he lets Jaybin have his company. It's fine. It's whatever. Jason was cooking extra anyway.
And yeah, something something Dick watching Jason be a caretaker
Dick minding his own business before Damian kicks him beneath the table and glowers at him because: 'don't get any ideas, Grayson.'
To which Dick is !! because what? No! No, no.
It's just surprising/disarming/sweet, is all. Dick's never seen Jason in this capacity. //3///
And yes. More dinners. Family patrols. Dick being brought more into the loop and Jason begrudgingly allowing Dick into their family unit space. Something something, Dick running errands after work or bringing home food. Everyone going out for some outings. Joint patrols. Just strong family vibes that heal all of them, tbh. ;U;
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cerseimikaelson · 6 months
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HIII CERSEI GUESS WHOS BACK (YOUR FELLOW WOTG FAN) WITH MY THOUGHTS ON COTG:
It is such a funny book, my fav jokes being the 'shrek, fiona, donkey' joke and an underrated classic in my mind, the scene where percy is like "There was screaming, crying and running in circles, and that was ✨just me✨" when talking about blanche's story (its so brutally honest and funny in a vulnerable way, which I will expand later on with the vulnerable part of it). It had so many iconic moments
It was a very low stakes, slow plot. You can tell Rick wrote it for the experience of reading our fav characters again (adding on to the fact that rick was made to write it by disney as additional marketing for the show, you can tell the plot wasnt thought of much), and ive seen people get mad over it, id love to know what you think!
This is a bit of a touchy topic. I've seen the people on the internet calling percabeth abusive with the constant name calling and the physical ??violence?? ( i obviously dont agree, but thats another topic), but something I've observed that everything that anti percabeths pointed out was toned down in the book?? Another post confirms that the majority of seaweed brains in the book was from percys pov and not annabeth actually saying it (like when hes looking at her expression and saying things like 'she looked like she was trying to say,....') and also when it comes to physical 'violence' (it feels so wrong to say bc i cant find another word lolol), the only things i found while rereading were 'lightly pinched my arm' and 'nudged me with her toe' which is wayyyy more toned down than ricks usual 'swatting my arm' or 'punching me' or 'judoflipped me'
One thing I admire so much about this book is the way he's written the characters vulnerability. percys way more open when he talks about crying whereas in the books its brushed over a lot, which is something the lovely @demigods-posts pointed out. annabeth tearing up when sally compliments her on something small like a cupcake, grover scared of percy and annabeth leaving him, and ofc percy. i saw someone interpret the river god scene as a ptsd induced panic attack, and i admire how rick has written it with so much angst, but still kept it light for the tone of the books.
another thing i love is how the characters dont revolve around percy as a main character (which is probably something rick learned while writing the tv show). annabeth has hobbies of her own, she's in her dream school, she is a busy woman and good for her. grover regularly goes to camp, and has his own conflicts with his gf and stuff. sally and paul are on their own arc with the baby on the way.
the fluff needs a special mention. every moment is so cute and sweet, there are way too many instances, especially with grover and percy which there was a severe lack of in hoo. them turning to seven year olds, percy and annabeths daily night iris message routine, the domesticity of the jacksons family
As usual, I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions too, im so happy i get to talk about it with you :))
Heyyy friend, how are you? Thanks for the ask!
Since you mentioned her, I LOVED Blanche. Iris is one of my favourite goddesses, so it was great seeing her. And I loved watching a god actually be ignored by their teenage child for once instead of the other way around. Blanche being a propel rebel with the monochrome was golden. (also, pink hummingbirds? lol)
It is obvious there wasn't much in terms of an actual plot with real structure, but it was fun and light-hearted and it does set the foundation for something in the future. Not all quests need to be high stakes, all-hands-on-deck, the world is coming undone. I liked watching the trio have semi normal lives (meeting up for smoothies after school) instead of constantly being on hero mode.
I genuinely had no clue people were upset about Percabeth's interaction in this. But seriously, violence? Did those people forget Annabeth judo-flipped Percy in New Rome, or was it okay then because it was a grand romantic gesture? How is punching someone in the arm to tell them they are being an idiot (provided you don't turn them black and blue of course) abuse? Percy and Annabeth are in a relationship, obviously they are going to be tactile with each other. Not to mention, people often nudge each other in real life and nobody shouts abuse then. I am rambling now but honestly this is the first I've heard of this and I have opinions.
I know Rick wrote the PG version, but can we talk about Zeus literally objectifying Ganymede at brunch and nobody but Hera (and Percy silently) batting an eye? Honestly, I am not a hardcore Zeus hater (although he is an a**hole) but the way Rick writes him he has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I officially volunteer to be Hera's divorce attorney.
I really liked the idea of Annabeth having a secret fan club and having dinner with Sally, Percy and Paul every night. That was excellent.
I am already brainstorming theories about what the third book is going to be. Does it matter that WOTG isn't even out yet? Absolutely not. I kind of want it to be about Athena because her interactions with Percy are always 10/10, but that probably won't happen.
Feel free to send me asks about your favourite gods and goddesses, any headcanons you may have or anything you wish to discuss about PJO. You can also find me on ao3!
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vxiphoid · 1 year
Text
⟢ PASTRY EMPORIUM ━☆ {003.}
✑ twst boys with an s/o who enjoys cooking and what dishes they’d make! these might be a little off… even after i did my research on them🧍🏾 ft. octavinelle
PREVIOUS NEXT
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AZUL ASHENGROTTO
your dish is…
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COTTON CANDY CAKE BATTER FUDGE !!
♫ UNDER CONTROL - THE INTERNET
- azul is such a little goofy goober with a good amount of cooking experience but he is oh so understanding<3 he will follow your every instruction even if that means burning himself by your delicious cooking cause! idc this dude has such a sweet tooth, loves cotton candy.
- you turn around to mix the condensed milk and the melted white chocolate together and hes already (SOMEHOW) made the cotton candy into various shapes, making stars is his favorite. then you have to buy a whole different bag of cotton candy bc the shapes are too cute to ruin, now they are toppings. azul will not show you his shaping sorcery, he will watch as you try and find out how he does it though. almost cried when you made an octopus n said it was your favorite.
- HE. LOVES. COLORING. SPRINKLES. you know those sugar sprinkles? yeah, he makes those. sure, you could buy them from the store but you also could make cute messes with him and take pictures for your album. pink and blue sprinkled colored lips turn into purple tongues😼
- azul loves decorating the small fudge cakes with sugar n more cotton candy. they’re so colorful n pretty (just like him tbh) he also likes holding hands with you? if you’re only using one hand, he’s intertwining your fingers with yours. the cotton candy extract that makes the fudge taste like cotton candy? make sure you buy two, he’s downing it like its water. it’s good! the fudge comes out with such a beautiful swirl he shares some with floyd and jade but! this will never meet the menu. not that it isn’t good enough, its just that making it is special, cooking with you is special. he’d like to keep it that way
“wow, don’t you look adorable sugar-coated… pft—“
“that was the worst one yet, lovely…”
“but it was funny, huh?”
JADE LEECH
your dish is…
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BROWN SUGAR MILK TEA !!
♫ BEAUTY IN DEATH - CHASE ATLANTIC
- screaming, crying, stomping my feet. jade is very good at cooking, he just likes making tea more. so what better than to make him some brown sugar boba manne. he took a little sippy sip the first time you gave it to him and he almost inhaled the rest of it.
- he’s usually not that messy when cooking with you, he does somehow find himself spilling the milk… OH! he let’s you wear his hat while you work, you have this happy little trot when you wear it. he’s made little bobas of the tsums, azul, floyd, they may be at the bottom but the fun is actually making the little bebes. jade coats the rim of your cup with water so he can cover it with brown sugar >:].
- HE’LL MAKE BOBA OF YOU IF YOU MAKE BOBA OF HIM‼️‼️ he makes a little cloud of whipped cream so you can place his boba like he’s a little cherry. forehead kisses, all the time. you could be minding your own business and he just mwah. theres something domestic about the little smooches, he cant get enough.
- he’s so happy when he gets to make the tea while the boba is boiling. he’s mixing the tea like (─‿─). also gives you a piggyback ride around the kitchen sometimes. he definitely serves you boba when he makes you breakfast in bed.
“are you making little me’s?”
“indeed i am ^o^”
“i’ll make little you’s then, we’ll match :)”
FLOYD LEECH
your dish is…
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KOHAKUTOU !!
♫ YOUR TEETH IN MY NECK - KALI UCHIS
- he jus wants something to cronch on fr.. edible crystals are satisfying to bite down on. floyd loves cooking with you, its his favorite hobby <3
- he loves these things, he loves you, he loves when you make him these things!!! especially when you top them with pop rocks, he probably eats the plate too. floyd also has a potty mouth n sometimes its kinda scary… like when he was boiling the agar agar a bubble popped and burned him, its like when you put bacon on a pan. he was laughing and casually just curses “heheha, fuck! that hurt😄” like sir are you okay..?😧 he’s okay, you smooched it better.
- he likes making this because it reminds him of jade which is kinda weird because he’s gonna scarf em down anyway. he actually makes a whole different batch of agar agar to make crystals that look like actual jade so he can give a few to jade. floyd is the definition of chaotic, the kitchen will always end up messy in some way.
- his kisses are never ending, he actually steals them now, sly fucker. now his music is loud but he definitely chooses a chill playlist so he can dance with you. while the crystals are chilling, you two are playing games with each other. mostly bedwars in minecraft, bro is actually cracked its scary…
- floyd likes for you to sit between his legs with your back against his chest and play animal crossing while he feeds you and himself crystals, they taste better that way >:]
“kiss it better?”
“did you burn yourself again?”
“kiss it better? :((“
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wetfungi · 1 year
Text
Idk if this is too niche but I cant really cry bc of T but I think its sooooo hot to cry while taking dick or whatever so like imagine if someone said-
"Please baby. Please just fucking cry. I need to see your tears. I don't wanna keep hurting you but I need to see you cry. You have to cry for me. You can do that for me right? Please don't disappoint me sweety. I know you want me to pull out so just cry for me okay. You don't want me to cum inside you right? So cry. Please don't disobey me right now honey. I need you to start fucking crying or I'm going to breed you and we both don't want you to have to suffer not knowing if you're pregnant so just fucking cry baby."
Then if you do start crying-
"Fuck. Good fucking bitch for crying. Let me pull out and cum in my hand so I can rub it on your pretty face. Oh fuck. Yeah see baby? That wasn't hard! You did so good. I'm so happy to see your tears sweety. Now you don't have to worry about being pregnant, see? Everything's okay"
And if you can't cry-
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You're really not gonna cry? You're just gonna lay there and whisper 'please I cant'? That not good enough baby. I'm- ugh. I'm so disappointed right now sweetheart. I didn't wanna have to do this but you're making me do this."
They place their hand over your mouth
"I'm so fucking upset bitch. God I ask for one thing and you can't do it? You can't just shed one fucking tear? I don't wanna cum inside you. You're not gonna know if you're pregnant and we both that would make you soooo dysphoric but you couldn't do the one small little thing I wanted? Fuck- I'm gonna cum. I'm not even sorry baby because I didn't even ask for much. At this point you deserve this honey. Fuck...FUCK...."
They stick a dildo in your hole so now you're gonna be even more sad that you might have been knocked up.
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aita for leaving a voice chat without telling my friends why
(were all adults)
recently me and a few friends started voice chatting every day in the evening, but ive noticed my mood dipping a lot at those times lately. today was another low point. we didnt have anything to do, so one of my friends (L) suggested watching a new show together, but i didnt really feel like watching it yet and the other friend in the vc at the time (K) didnt really reply. So we ended up playing a game together instead, and i got annoyed at something small so i told them id be gone for a moment to listen to loud music (since that usually helps me calm down/distract my brain from whatever got me feeling weird before). When i came back to the vc, I tried telling them why i got in a bad mood but they kinda brushed it off and i didnt feel like they were taking me seriously at all.
we kept playing for a bit but then i asked L to start a new topic so i could distract myself from bad thoughts and they suggested the show again, which i denied bc i really wasnt in the mood to watch it at that time. Then L started talking about how im often the one to suggest watching stuff together and they always say yes, but im never in the mood to watch anything they suggest. i started feeling even worse and asked if we can watch it together another time bc i really wasnt feeling it at the moment (i was also starting to cry but i dont think they noticed). L said that im always saying no or pushing stuff they suggest to another day and how a few years ago when we were both still in puberty i often suggested stuff and was 'always immediately in a bad mood' when they said no.
all of that wasnt helping my brain at that moment at all so i tried a few more times to kind of explain my pov and asked if we can watch it another time but they kept going on about how im 'always like that'. i was kind of spiraling the whole time and at some point i couldnt hold my thoughts back anymore and yelled back at L and told them that 'its really great to hear that weve been friends for years but this one thing i do was and is always annoying to you and you hate that i am like that and you hate everything i do and you hate me anyway' and stormed out of my room while knocking a lot of stuff over.
when i had calmed down a bit and could actually think properly again i was lying in the dark on my kitchen floor and after some minutes i got myself to get up, go back to my pc and turn if off (i had knocked down a monitor and some other stuff during my emotional reaction/escape before).
but when i did, i saw that my other screen showed me as still in the game, so i was probably still in the vc too while i was gone until i came back to turn off my pc, which probably means that after i left they tried to explain themselves and took me not replying as being bitchy or hurt about it until i turned the pc off (and left the vc), but i cant know for sure. Right now, K and L are still in the vc doing other stuff together but i dont feel well enough to message either of them or rejoin or do anything about it yet, my mind is kind of just blank.
but the tiny part of me that has the ability to think right now feels really bad about overreacting again and assuming that they hate me and just leaving without giving them the chance to explain themselves and then just turning off the pc without telling them anything. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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