#cause he was one of my favorite characters in that show

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's the Dog Days of BL Again

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Final Week

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 5 of 12 - The side couple is so damn pouty and adorable. So far as Yak and Dee are concerned, I love that they kept up with the cosplay stuff and didn’t just drop it as a one off. I'm just genuinely enjoying seeing how much fun they have together and watching them accidentally falling in love with each other and trying not to.

Linguistic corner!

I don’t normally watch any BTS stuff, but for reasons known only to my serotonin-seeking brain, I’ve been watching a few for this show. And I MUST talk about the way Great speaks Thai. It’s so different from all of the other Good GMMTV Boys. He’s way more casual. Not rude, but definitely not as formal or as polite as any of the actors around him. It’s difficult to describe but just LISTEN to the way he hops registers and pronouns pretty consistently. Sometimes in the same sentence. He even softens his polite particles. I've never heard an actor do that out of character. It’s fascinating. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he is older (then most of his costars) and comes outta the Bangkok club scene, and was older when he joined GMMTV. Frankly, it’s the closest I’ve ever seen on TV to the way people actually talked in Bangkok. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 eps - honestly these two shows are neck and neck for my favorites running right now and Wandee got the edge because it left me smiling, but yesterday, Stand-In would have come out on top. Such a great show. It’s so sinister. So not romantic. Which makes me feel like... it's not really a BL. And, yet, I DO NOT CARE. Because I’m enjoying its little evil soul so much. “Poor Joe” is pretty much all that goes through my head the whole time I'm watching, and I'm enjoying poking at that pain.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 9 of 16 - I love all of the 3rd wheels. Kluen is kinda great. And I’m not just saying that 'cause I have a crush on Title, it’s because Kluen is so open and genuine. (Unless they fuck up his character.) I even enjoyed the backstory for Fang and Tan. Honestly, the friendship group is the reason to watch this show, they’re great and funny, and make everything enjoyable. It’s a soap opera, like Only Friends, but gentle with its characters and us watchers. Which is what I really want from my BL. I don’t want all of this Friend Zone backstabbing bullpuckie. 

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - I like it, frankly more than I expected to. It’s a bit slow moving, but the characters are interesting and the dynamic of everybody living in the same house together is fun. I haven’t seen this style of housemates centered Thai BL in years. I identify FAR too closely with the crass-talking bug-killing pansexual. On a completely different note, I really hope Best and Seng have an NC scene together. Last week I would never have said that, but now I think they have good chemistry. Am I crazy?

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - They are sickeningly sweet boyfriends, and Moo is such a brat and so demanding. It’s charming. There was even a little bit of dancing together which I’m sure made @heretherebedork happy. Dancing okay but NO SINGING. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Asami's past was cool to see. I enjoyed that his character finally got fleshed out and given some solidity. However, it felt like it came a little too late. Even though I know this is the way Japan tends to roll with BL timing. I wanted to like him sooner then this. Now I'm not really that invested.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 fin - It was an extremely good and very satisfying ending for a JBL, which we cannot expect, so I'm disposed to dole out top marks for that. Also we definitely have a new contender for Namgoong award for best wingman. (Japan's favorite: the bespectacled variant.)

Summation:

Kindly Ryota goes to uni and ends up rooming with his former childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend for, as it turns out, cute roommate reasons. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake, the framing is gorgeous and it is a stylish piece. As a friends to lovers cohabitation narrative this was a classic 2000s sweet yaoi. I enjoy that kind of tradition out of Japan even if it (and the characters) come off as a little slow as a result. Still, it's nice to get a traditional BL out of Japan that is satisfying, not slapstick, AND did not hurt us. 8/10 recommended

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - gonna have to wait until next week, for mysterious hotel wifi reasons.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 2 of 10 - yeah I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed

VBL (Taiwan) is released 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 series on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu - watch each on the respective shows' page: You Are Mine, VIP Only, Stay By My Side, Anti Reset.

My Biker 2 (Thai movie trailer) suposedly released somewhere, search me.

The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) went to theaters, not sure if we will get this, and it may not be BL.

And here's a 2023 that I missed and finally watched:

After Sundown AKA Saengrawi

ZeeNunew vehicle from 2023, recut into a movie on YouTube. It's from Mandee and horror, yet I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

Pronoun use is ter/chan or rao (no nai or pom) because of the historical setting + softness of the relationship.

It's oddly sweet and wholesome, for a ghost story. Phloeng and Rawee enter into an arranged marriage for confusing prophetic reasons and a twisted fate, solving a mystery of the past that is haunting Phloeng's family and harming Rawee. Honestly, it makes no actual sense, but it's kinda historical, and very pretty, so I enjoyed it more than I should. 8/10

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/7 My Love Mix-Up (Fridays Thai Adaptation not sure where this will air) - I do love G4 and I did like the original and maybe this time these characters will actually kiss? I'm actually fine with this pick-up. I kind of enjoy seeing different countries remake the same IP. Especially if it's IP I'm mostly unfazed by.

6/7 The Last Time (Thailand Fridays YouTube?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something?

6/9 Love Sea (Thailand Sundays MAME warning iQIYI - New characters to the Mameverse. While travelling, a writer has a one night stand with a very irritating man. YES I WILL TRASH WATCH THIS. Drinking will happen on Sundays I guess. (Look, I do usually travel on weekends, so it may end up being Monday Mame Trash - which jives.)

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Saturdays) Star Hunter and MosBank on iQIYI so if nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

Why You? (Khmer movie - Billed as a horror romance BL this is supposed to release this month.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

In my world we call this smug. (Only Boo!)

LOOK AT HIS ARM?! This has been your Goodness Gracious Great Guns Of Huge 2024 moment.

(All Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[kouyou-arc-when]

Hey, this is a great ask and I am so sorry for not replying earlier. I am responding like this because I actually broke the character limit since I'm dumb -_- I've written a lot of posts about this on reddit, and many people came up to me and asked me something similar. Your line of thinking is good. Regarding Dazai:

So, the thing is - to properly diagnose any personality disorder, you need to talk to that very person to understand their inner mechanisms. There are certain behavioral traits we can observe from the outside and make some guesses based on that: for example, Dazai's broadly dented empathy and why that's often found in people with ASPD.

However, for many other personality disorders it is very difficult to conclude much without the person saying ~I feel x because of y. I do c because of b.

Why? Personality disorders are internal structures that cause a person's behavior to be challenging to either them or others. To understand these mental processes is much more demanding than seeing a person just feels sad or anxious, to explain it simplistic terms.

The key behind many disorders is to know WHY a person is doing what they're doing. This one thing changes whether a person has x,z,y,t,n or whatever condition.

An example: BPD and CPTSD are often mistaken for one another. Same as with BPD, CPTSD, Autism and ADD in women, but BPD and CPTSD tend to have the largest "overgap", you can even have both at the same time. That's because many of the outside observable symptoms are the same.

An example: unstable relationships are a symptom of ALL of the above, but BPD is sort of...an outdated PD according to many specialists due to the fact that it was used as an "everything" disorder, where people with socially unconventional emotions were dumped. That's why you'll find two people with BPD that are almost nothing alike.

However, even if we hold to classic diagnostic criteria, let me show how the same symptom can be a product of entirely different circumstances.

For example: Someone with BPD will have unstable relationships due to an extreme fear of abandonment. Someone with Autism may have unstable relationships due to differences in communication styles Someone with ADHD will have unstable relationships due to various circumstances: emotional regulation, executive functioning etc.

So really, the outward result may be the same, but the cause is different.

However, now, typically the main reason someone could have BPD is either due to extreme splitting, favorite person behavior, numbness and/or abandonment issues.

Dazai 100% has "favorite person" syndrome going on with Oda - the way he idealized Odasaku and then devalues everyone around him in comparison is pretty clinical - doesn't mean their relationship isn't lovely, but it's certainly something a therapist would take note of.

It's no shocker Dazai has unstable relationships, but we don't 100% know why he does what he does.

That's the whole thing Asagiri said - the character is meant to be like a donnut, where you don't really know what's in the middle - so it's extremely difficult to say which PD fits him for sure, probably even more difficult than the average neurodivergent character. In my opinion, several interpretations of Dazai are simultaneously valid due to the fact that you could assume multiple personal struggles within him, and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Does Dazai have abandonment issues? He says he always loses everything he wants, is EXTREMELY bitter over Ango, and definitely shows some levels of "splitting", especially in how he treats Oda vs Ango, Akutagawa vs Atsushi etc etc.

I'm pretty confident he has PTSD, and everything that comes with that. He certainly has a personality disorder too, due to the fact that a lot of his difficulties stem from his personality, and not just brain chemistry.

Kunikida says that most of his emotions "seem" like an act, which raises a lot of questions to what is even happening on the inside. Asagiri said Dazai is really only himself in front of people like Oda and Fyodor. That version of Dazai is...much less cheerful than with everyone else.

I don't personally think Dazai is autistic since he has a good hang on social cues and overall communication. Mamoru Miyano said PM Dazai was still learning to communicate with others back in his Dark Era days, but it wasn't that he couldn't do it - he was just not interested in learning it.

I feel like Asagiri gave Dazai this "unrealistic" trait of being primarily isolated because he's extraordinarily intelligent (which is not how geniuses tend to feel irl, most of the time) but I always feel like there is something more to it.

There is definitely some /disconnect/ between Dazai and "normal" people, where he doesn't fully seem to understand certain things, he falls short there. As someone who has CPTSD diagnosed, I get the impression he maybe has a similar thing going on as many of us: A extremely traumatic experience disrupted a lot of normal emotional and cognitive processes, and now he's both extremely hypervigilant and unable to snap out of that "shellshocked" state. He needs to "perform" conventionality, and being a normal person.

In one wan chapter, he "made a joke" that you start doing one bad thing after another, and suddenly you feel nothing at all. That's the trademark numbness in both CPTSD and BPD.

There was this TDIPUD moment where he talks about how a personality is just a bunch of unstable premises that survive to uphold the basic instincts of the human mind - but how it's easily destroyed for that reason. This is a scene where he tortures the guy, and I was like "wow, I really get it". Severe trauma can just destroy the very structure of your personality, because extreme pain just numbs everything within you. "You" as a person can't survive.

BPD is also related to an unstable sense of self - which could be connected to the former paragraph. Sometimes lowered empathy is also a byproduct of BPD, in fact, the thing is that both BPD and CPTSD come from trauma 99% of the time. They're shockingly similar disorders.

So, does Dazai have BPD? No idea. He could also be schizoid to some extent, which is funny, because Franz Kafka had this disorder, the author that inspired Asagiri's nickname.

For now, I'd just leave at he has CPTSD for sure

Most of these disorders are very broad descriptors, and it's difficult to label most humans in a way that will genuinely encompass what their experiences are. Most of the time, these diagnostics are used to match a person with the best treatment available, or to explain what they're going through - so I don't think there is a perfect diagnosis for Dazai aside from PTSD, but he's definitely extremely neurodivergent. Thanks for reading <3

[iris-draws]

Aftermath of Full Moon🌑

Sorry for the emotional whiplash but whoo double post! (Pls don't hate me guys)

Also more rants about full moon (sorry yall im a yapper at heart):

Everyone is bashing blitz rn but honestly I'm kinda on his side? Not completely I think they had both good points and obviously it got emotional and blitz was being defensive and self destructive and didn't exactly mean what he was saying but honestly I think he had a point. The way stolas handled it was weird to me. He told blitz to come on the full moon- basically leading him to belive it was their transactional thing when really he wants to have a very serious talk about their relationship. I feel like he could have specified that he wanted him to come over to talk? (Although I will have a counter argument saying knowing blitz that might scare him away into not showing cause feelings are scary to him) I understand an emotional talk can scare people into not thinking logically- I just think it would have been smarter to full on say what he wanted so it wasn't so abrupt and sudden to blitz, causing him to react the way he did. He would have been better prepared and handled it better.

Now about Blitz. I know he has very crazy emotional trauma and refuses to believe anyone loves him and pushes people away bc of that. But he's getting better as we've seen the past few episodes. He wants to atone- he made up with fizz, he wants to make up with Barbie, and I'm pretty sure him and Verosika will make up in Apology Tour. But he definetly had a point. Up until about Ozzies was Stolas actually more upfront about his feelings. Because most of Season 1 was haha horny bird. Remember in S1 episode 6 when Blitz had that bad trip and he had to crawl up to stolas in chains showing how he feels like just an imp serving his master? Yeah. Stolas has referred to him as an "impish little plaything" Really only solidifying his belives. Then at ozzies he doesn't deny any of the allegations that him and Blitz are anything but sleeping with each other.

We as the audience know stolas wants a relationship with Blitz, but Blitz doesn't see those heartbreaking moments of him pouring his heart out when he's alone. No one does. Stolas has been very upfront but he's never had an actual for real talk with Blitz about his feelings. Then when he randomly spills all that out on him he sees him confused and is (understandably, with how Blitz mocked his feelings as a roleplay) hurt. He moves on and just dismisses Blitz thinking that's his answer. Blitz argues back and gets angry and I really think he was right in this argument, Stolas should have talked about this sooner, or handled it differently. Then right as things get heated in the discussion he just sends him away. They didn't get the chance to really talk, one said their feelings, the other got defensive, and then that's it.

I'm not really blaming Stolas or Blitz for this argument. Stolas is my favorite character so trust me this is in no way stolas hate. But I wanted to shed light on this and sees if anyone agrees with me Blitz is not only in the wrong.

Omg I'm sorry for the long yap session if yall read to the end you're a real one fr.

[so-you-melted-22]

I don’t think I have ever recovered from seeing Tasha Yar die.

[kuzann]

Reasons I have a hard time taking canon Vlad 100% seriously:

His nemesis is a freaking 14 year old this is self-explanatory

Keeps getting beaten/outsmarted by a gaggle of teens

Blew up his own house because he couldn't be bothered to do general maintenance on a piece of very valuable and potentially explosive lab equipment

Got bodied by Jack that one time and decided to never fight him again, Jack is canonically 1-0 in a direct 1v1 fight against Plasmius and that is too funny

Gets bodied by his own idiot schemes

Somehow couldn't figure out how to hire a hitman to take out the guy he's hated for years and sends the one thing Jack is supposed to be good at fighting to do the job instead. Are you trying to fail, Vlad?

Got eaten by a monster that one time. Embarrassing.

Did not do his homework when it came to how strong a ghost was at least twice and endangered the entire world and Ghost Zone because of this

In the bad timeline he caused the apocalypse because he is that bad at parenting and somehow didn't think to just send the kid to therapy and grief counseling instead of jumping straight to the mad scientist shit

There's probably more but these are the ones I can think of at the moment. Like he's absolutely done horrible things, no question about it, but then I remember the above and I'm just. All I can do is laugh.

[p4nishers]

ok but the fact that "aziraphale is softening. they haven't spoken in a hundred years: he's realizing they're still friends" and "there's no need to thank me that's what...friends...are for" was in the same night is making me go INSANE

[heir-of-the-chair]

Lowkey hyperfixating now and I’ve come to the devastating conclusion that Jacob the main character of Water For Elephants… doesn’t really have a character arc

[compacflt]

okay so something I love in what you've written is the running thematic element of how the "lack" of a character is treated as its own entity/character, not only with Goose--how he’s the “center of the universe” as you say--but also with Sarah. Idk if I just focused hard on Ice’s childhood/adolescence the entire time reading because I’m obsessed with how you wrote him, but the way there were bits and pieces thrown in about her as the story unfolded (Tom's pot-smoking era, the way they grew up so different but had a similar childhood, the unreturned letters and phone calls--also, Ice seeing Chorus Line on Broadway alone was so silly I loved it. Iceman Kazansky: pilot by day, musical theater fan by night. why was he so interested in fucking Chorus Line of all musicals.) but she never actually made an in-the-flesh appearance makes the entire fic, and Ice’s characterization, so dynamic and moving. Like Ice didn’t grow up as a sad little kid with no siblings and some evil overbearing Admiral father that turned him into a Navy-regulated cog in the machine; he had a sister (and grandmother?? A hipster Woodstock grandma?) who loved or at least cared for him a long long time ago, and her presence left a very visible mark (both emotionally and career-wise) on him no matter how “ice cold” he made himself. And in the very very beginning of WWGATTAI, he and Mav were bro-talking about their families and Ice was all like “grr I might as well not have a sister” because he’s secretly Popeye he was grouchy and young and Sarah had stopped talking to him, but then 9/11 happened and he kept trying to get in touch with her just to make sure she’s okay, and then they finally get to talk at the end of Debriefing and it's like...he's reached the top and he's become the person he's always wanted to become, but he's still the exact same. He wants his sister. He's “The Iceman" and can probably run the Navy on his own, but he’s also just someone’s little brother that used to smoke pot with all the other California hippies. He misses her but he can't talk about it.

Also, you didn't just shoehorn her into the story as a character that would be the Tom Kazansky Version of Carole-and-Goose (or as Ice's wife LMAO) and I loved how you gave her personal depth and a purpose/life outside the story while still adding to Ice's characterization through giving him another person to (a) care too much about and (b) shove into his closet of skeletons because the relationship he has with them is breaking some sort of federal regulation. I hope this all makes sense hahaha, but anyway I loved Sarah and how you treated her. It was so entertaining/heartbreaking to watch Ice wrestle with how the main three people he loves are his communist sister, a male romantic partner who is also a subordinate he bails out of sticky situations constantly, and the son of the man he was involved in the death of. crazy stuff.

ok this is so funny & I love this so much because… it wasn't really how I was thinking about it at the time & I'm so glad it comes across as much warmer than how I originally wrote it... okay like i could explain everything but muh “death of the author”…… eh fuck it okay. I’ll put it under a cut so you can choose not to watch me auto-fellate. another long post, sorry. 

so, on Sarah. 

I should start this post by saying straight off the bat that she’s literally just a self-insert for me, the author, as a leftist who lives in New York and would not give someone like Tom the time of day, so I could feel better morally/ethically about writing Top Gun fanfiction. So, there’s that. But she (just like everyone else in this fic) is just a tool to get across information about Ice and the story as a whole, and there’s a reason she was introduced in chapter one (two if you’re reading on AO3 i guess. no prologue, wtf is up with that AO3 you guys need to fix that). I wanted to convey a shitload of information at the start, especially because I was posting semi-weekly and wanted people to know what they were getting into because it’s a slow burn.

To summarize what happens in chapter one:

Goose is dead. 

Ice and Maverick kill some MiGskyites in addition to killing Goose and it cements some weird fucked-up hyperinterdependent relationship between them. 

No, this does not make them instantly friends. They are still fundamentally different people who dislike each other’s outlook on life.

Ice kills some more Soviets and becomes Maverick’s equal, though still not in rank/honor. 

Ice writes to his sister Sarah, who doesn’t answer. 

Ice hooks up with a girl, but finds that he can’t relate to her as much as he did before the experience of TOPGUN. Also, he can’t relate to women at all.

Ice tries to visit Sarah, and is rejected.

Ice sees A Chorus Line on Broadway by himself.

Ice and Maverick talk to each other as semi-equals, and Ice explains that his sister is a Commie who will never talk to him again. He also explains that he wants to get to the top because he thinks it will make him a good man, or that he can make the Navy better because he himself is a good man. Maverick says, yeah right bozo.

So we’re 5,000 words into a 90,000-word fic and already you know the following:

This entire story and everyone in it revolves around Goose’s death and who gets the blame for Goose’s death. 

Ice and Mav are brought together not because they like each other, but because the experience of killing both their friend and their enemies has made it impossible for anyone else on Earth to understand them to that same extent. From the first word, they're already both so fucked-up it really is each other or nobody.

This is gonna be a sloooow burn.

Ice and Mav might end up as superior and subordinate, but they are fundamentally equal ("you can be my wingman anytime/bullshit you can be mine"), and start out as equals. They are now directly responsible for the same amount of death.

Sarah is Ice’s sister, so Ice is definitely not getting married to a woman in this fic. Good news for everyone scared by the slow burn.

Ice had previously had fun with women, and still wants to marry a woman because it "follows all the rules," but after meeting Maverick/the whole TOPGUN experience he finds them annoying/unrelatable. He can’t relate to women at all and doesn't believe this woman when she tells him she loves him because he himself has never been in love with a woman. He is gay.

Ice sees A Chorus Line on Broadway by himself. He is gay. 

Sarah will not be in this fic, and Ice is a categorically lonely man who is isolated from anyone who could possibly help him talk about how he feels. 

Sarah is a Communist who rejected her military brother, not the other way around, so this is a leftist fic from a leftist perspective, but about conservative men whose conservative personal and political opinions will be repeatedly challenged by the end. This is not a pro-Navy story. 

As a corollary to that, the ship for Ice to “be a good man” has already sailed. He’s gonna try his best to be a good man—emphasis on man—throughout the story, but he’s already failed from the very first line. 

And Ice steadfastly and stubbornly refuses to be honest with us or himself about how he feels about any of the above.

So you basically have everything you need to understand the rest of the story. Now you (reader) and I (author) can meet each other in the middle on equal terms, and the real story can actually finally get started in the next chapter. It’s a lot of information. Which is why it’s not written very well and the pacing is fucked. 

But yeah I just used “Sarah” as an expository tool to help first-time readers understand the political lens of this fic from the get-go, so we don’t have to have a lot of hand-wringing when Ice becomes a war hero of the Persian Gulf War or anything like that (though in my a/n for chapter 5 i did admittedly do some hand-wringing. i gotta delete those a/ns). So, Sarah becomes kind of a weak stand-in for Ice’s political guilt. She’s only mentioned four times besides chapter one, i think—once when Ice is with “Laura” (he is still incredibly guilty about all the people he killed & feels like he let “Sarah” down); once with 9/11 (he still thinks about “Sarah” often enough that she’s the first thing he thinks of when the country has been attacked [still haven't decided if this is the real Sarah though]); once when he’s getting high with Maverick (he is constantly reminded by the brass of the ways in which he is not a good man); and once at the end of “Debriefing,” where they actually get to talk to each other—because he has finally “snapped out of it” and left the Navy.

This fic wasn’t meant to be my sorta-kinda-but-not-really-anti-military soapbox preaching, though, which is why Sarah’s hardly in it at all. It’s a D-plot. Maybe even an E-plot. All in service of the Icemav A-plot. That end scene has a couple different purposes, actually. The second is that Sarah, who at this point is pretty much just a stranger, becomes a receptacle for Ice to prove that he can finally be honest with himself and others about his relationship with Maverick. And…that’s pretty much it. I did do more with her in my Slider one-shot but i honestly dk if that’s getting posted at this point (ITS ROUGH) so im not gonna talk about it now. 

But—that was all Sarah as a symbol, which is very un-fun. Sarah as a character is kind of a blank slate, but how Ice thinks about her/misses her is not, as you said :) I’m wary of posting headcanons that are dependent on my fic, though I do have many, because I feel like that’s not really the point of headcanons… “compacflt!Ice-specific headcanons…” idk that seems a little self-aggrandizing even for me. But, yeah, I guess I would characterize my Ice’s childhood as not greeeaaat, because his dad apparently died in Vietnam when he was like eight and his mom apparently died in a car crash when he was twelve (which is why he’s such a good driver [ch 8 notwithstanding DO NOT DRIVE 120 ON I-5]), but also not, like, abusive or anything. Raised by his grandmother (in the Slider one-shot, which I might as well spoil for you since I’m feeling quite hopeless about it, Slider kinda helps Ice deal with her death in the second year they’re at the Academy together, and it’s how their friendship really starts) who might have been hippy-ish and encouraged him breaking the rules, but also he & his sister were very very impacted by the death of their father at war. This is getting kind of deep into it, and I’m just kinda making it up, but I think there was probably a lot of strife between him and Sarah when he was gearing up to go to the Academy/getting his recommendations etc., like actual arguments and screaming matches—yes, she’s disappointed in him, but more than anything she wants to keep him safe so he doesn’t die like their dad (relevant for ice/rooster later)—and he ended up losing her, so it made a deep, deep impression on how he handles (avoids) confrontation about serious stuff like this when he knows he's gonna lose… my ice has a confrontation issue, obviously. but so does canon. see him "apologizing" to maverick for goose's death in the movie for another example of this. bro is struggling.

But thats just me makin shit up so whatever.

But that’s me just makin shit up so whatever.

[coffehbeans]

The Veiled Price (Prompt #51: Drink)

Prologue (you’re here)  |  Chapter 1

Masterpost of stories and prompts (you can send an ask for a prompt from the list!)

*ressurects from the ashes* I FINISHED IT, FINALLY AAAAAAAAAHHHHH *explodes*

Thank you for waiting guys! This was by far the most difficult story to write so far, hence why it took so long (i also procrastinated but shh)

This time it’s a prologue of one of my older g/t universes (5 years ago, to be exact gasps) This story tells the origins of one of my characters. I wouldn’t reveal his backstory until the main chapters but, eh I can’t resist ahushs Fair warning tho that this entire collection of stories will be rated PG-13 for graphic descriptions of pain and death.

Buckle up cause this is my longest story so far! Hope you enjoy!

Summary: It was common knowledge to the people of Immers: never trust the circes. But when lord Audwin Imore falls in desperation to prove himself to his father, he recklessly resorts to drastic measures.“Stop. That is not nearly enough.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Audwin laid on his knees on the floor, gasping for breath as if he had drowned, the sword he was previously holding fell a good distance away from him. He had barely processed what his father had said when the baron lowered his sword and started walking away from the exhausted child.

  “Had you been stronger or fiercer, I might have given you another chance. But this already proves your incompetence. I am not going to waste my time testing you any longer.”

  “Father, wait!”

  Audwin scrambled back up and lunged towards Hartmann, who had turned his back against his son. The child gripped the fabric of his father’s shirt and buried his head deep in it, as if the man would turn invisible, never to be seen again.

  “Please! I will get better! I can try again! I’ll do another strike and-”

  Hartmann wasted no time with the desperate pleas and yanked Audwin’s hands from his shirt. His grip around his son’s wrists tightened, cold and distant eyes scrutinizing his tearful ones. He shoved Audwin away and walked to the door as his child stumbled in recoil.

  “It would be wise to keep your mouth shut.”

  With that, he slammed the door closed, the sound ringing inside Audwin’s ears as the sharp words cut through his chest. He hiccupped and rubbed his face in his hands in a desperate attempt to stop his tears. Yet, an ember of resolve, remnants of a dream still not buried, burned within him.

  He was only eight. He could still become strong.

  ____________________________ 

  “Is that all you can do, Audwin?”

  His older brother teased between thrusts and parries of their swords. The teenager’s lungs begged for air, but his eyes remained steady.

  “You haven’t gotten me yet.”

  Audwin feigned an overhead strike in order to kick his brother in the middle and gain advantage, but Benedictus had a bright intellect and saw through his strategy. Going along Audwin’s plan at first, he pretended to raise his sword only to aim it towards his younger brother’s raised foot, colliding his blade with it in a swift motion. In a matter of seconds, Benedictus charged and knocked Audwin’s sword from his hand. It fell with a large clank to the ground. Not enough. I am still not strong enough, He thought as his expression fell.

  He glanced at his father, who had briefly stopped by to watch the sparring match between the brothers. Audwin held his breath as he looked at the stern and disappointed face across the room. 7 years after that last testing day, baron Hartmann barely regarded Audwin and his sister’s presence. The eldest son, Benedictus, occupied all that was left of the aged lord’s energy. The distant memory left a bitter taste in his mouth.

  Audwin knew what his father wanted. Stability for the kingdom the land of Immers is part of. Acknowledgement of his merits by the king, the expansion of the state, or simply to make it strong and powerful. All those reasons spat out of the tenacious man’s mouth one time or another. He valued military strength for that exact reason, since providing armies to the king was the best way to get recognition as a baron. In the end, despite everything, the young lord admired his father’s goal. He longed to realize that dream alongside him and his brother, leading armies side by side with them, the sweet and rewarding feeling of honor overflowing his senses. And yet…

He cut his train of thought when Hartmann rose from his seat and left the sparring room without a word.

  His chances slipped away by each second. So many years went by, but he never won one match, never disarmed that swift, dexterous blade from his brother’s grasp. Audwin looked down in dejection, but Benedictus’s firm hands on his shoulder awoke him from his stupor.

  “Don’t worry. I am sure you will surpass me in no time. Just keep practicing.” He said with considerate eyes.

  “I’m not so sure that is possible anymore, Benet.” Audwin said with a sigh.

  “Nonsense! You still have time ahead of you. Regardless, I will be here to massage our father’s ego, and in the meantime, you can focus on bettering yourself.” He said in futile reassurance, despite Audwin appreciating his consideration. “While I am doing that, you can be present for Otilia.”

  Benedictus was right, he could not lose his focus from her. At least he had his mother back then when his father rejected him, but his little sister never had the chance to meet her, and was ignored by the baron since her birth. Audwin huffed as the memory ignited anger in his chest. Ever since Otilia was born, he promised he would give her company.

  “Why do you care so much about impressing him, anyway? It is me who must reach his expectations, after all. You know how the old man’s thoughts are ridiculous.”

  “Because…” Audwin paused. He recalled that day back at his first trainings. Laying on the ground out of breath, his father looming over him with a disapproving look. A flame of resentment rising within him, burning deep inside his chest, conviction brimming in his eyes. They remain burning until this day, the fire threatening to consume him whole.

  “He will only recognize the mistake he’s made when I show it to his face.”

  ____________________________ 

   “Have you heard? Master Audwin has been secretly sneaking out at night to train inside the forest”

  “Ah, you shall not worry about that. It has been so for the past four years.” The governess responded the curious maid with a dismissing motion of her hand.

  “Four years? In the middle of the woods? Does lord Hartmann not know about this? And it is not a place for a nobleman to go into, especially with the circes roaming in it.”

  “Do you still believe in those fairytales?”

  “You do not believe it, mistress?”

  The governess paused with a hesitant look.

  “Well, I admit. No sane soul goes to the circes’ territory.” She approached the maid with a firm look on her face.

  “But listen. Lord Audwin is not a sane soul. Not since he started training in secret. Something deep and… Obsessive, moves him. And it is not our business to meddle with our lord’s affairs.”

  The governess stayed inches close to the chambermaid’s face, and whispered in a hushed, alarmed tone.

  “May this be kept between us, and we shall not inform lord Hartmann about his son’s endeavors, or there shall be great consequences.”

  The servant, who is used to following orders without question, nodded earnestly, and they moved on from the conversation.

  She did not know that the governess has been told by the young noble himself to conceal his secret.

  ____________________________ 

  Audwin struck his sword against the tree trunk as hard as he could, hoping to form a bigger dent on it than the ones from four years ago. He remembered the marks his father left with his sword on the wood back at his childhood, when he gave a demonstration of brute strength at the corner of the forest. A cut deep and precise. Those were the standards the sons of baron Hartmann Imore had to strive for.

  And he would achieve that.

  With a powerful grunt, Audwin striked the final blow on the trunk.

  It barely went deeper than last time.

  Audwin stared at the thin mark gasping for breath, distraught. He trained so hard, for all those years, and yet his strength still barely surpassed his fifteen-year-old self.

  Why. Why am I so pathetic?

“You wish to be stronger, young gentleman? That is your final ambition?”

  Audwin was startled by a melodic and feminine voice coming from the woods. He turned around in shock, and the sight haunted him:

  From the dense trees and into the clearing emerged a short and slender figure, covered in a black dress with black robes, and long, ebony hair that came down below the waist. Her blue eyes radiated color in an unnatural fashion, entrancing him in a deep, compassionate gaze. The figure let a small smile.

  “Who are you?” – Audwin tried to contain the tremble within his voice.

  “Just a commoner picking fruits inside these woods. You are one of the baron Hartmann’s sons, I presume?” – she answered in an innocent manner.

  “Do not fool me, witch. I know precisely what you are. It is wise if you leave me alone if you wish to live.” Audwin pointed his sword in the direction of the creature.

  And she giggled wholeheartedly.

  “My my, I might have underestimated your intelligence.” The witch’s piercing eyes peered at him with glee. “And yet, you retort me with such vile words just because of some foul rumors about me. Where are your manners?” she mocked sadness.

  “Leave.”

  “Shouldn’t I be saying this to you? This is my territory, after all.”

  Without a proper counterargument, Audwin went silent, and the circe smirked. She hit the jackpot.

  The witch slowly trudged her bare feet towards the hesitant man.

  “I suppose the reason you invaded my territory to train in the middle of the night is because of a deep desire within your soul.” She closed the distance between them, and Audwin felt sweat dripping for his forehead. Somehow, her presence paralyzed him in fear.

  How much more pathetic could he get?

  “I know the baron’s fame around the land.” She continued. “His methods are rigorous, and his standards are high towards his heirs. He saw your below average strength, and deemed you unworthy of military and governmental affairs.”

  Audwin remained silent, sword unsheathed. His expression threatened to betray the fear within him, yet he remained steady and firm.

  “What a shame, I must say. If only your efforts to better yourself had paid off.” She glanced at the scratch on the tree.

  Audwin should not be immobile. He knew the danger he was under. His mind told him to run and never come back to the woods, but his feet remained planted in place. It was as if the circe had put a spell on him that prevented him from running. Were those creatures even capable of such magic? Or was his fear the spell that made him frozen in place?

  The circe inched closer and closer, until they were inches apart. Those vibrant blue eyes stared deep into his brown ones, her small smile never changing. If she came even closer, she would be able to ruffle his ash brown, wavy hair with a single exhale.

  “I know a way to make you stronger. No matter what others have told you about me, I have the solution you are looking for. However, it comes at a price.”

  Audwin took a shallow breath, and mustered up the courage to reply, in a faint voice.

  “All of this monologue in order to convince me to fall for your tricks? I’m afraid your efforts have proved unsuccessful.”

  Despite that, she grinned.

  “Oh, foolish nobleman, I do not wish to convince you of anything. On the contrary, I am quite happy with my living conditions now. I have no use in tricking unfortunate souls like you.”

  Audwin scoffed in disbelief, and the circe’s never-changing smile remained. She turned around and started strolling around him.

  “I am just telling you a fact. The other humans know the rumors of my power, yet few know I mostly work in favor of them. As long as they have the proper rewards to give me, I am capable of realizing any wish they so desire, all within a single concoction.”

  The witch looked at Audwin’s unmoving eyes with peace and joy. He could not fall for her foolish talk. Yet, the words echoed in his mind.

  If they have the right reward, any wish they so desire within a single concoction…

  No. He would not falter. He is capable of being strong on his own.

  Upon reading the young lord’s expression, the witch stopped her joyful stride around him.

  “Oh well. If you wish to remain in your methods, I shall waste no further time talking to you.” She turned around and started walking away from him, and Audwin finally felt relieved enough to lower his sword slightly.

  “Just remember, nobleman. I reside deep within the forest, across this clearing we stand.”

  Without any further word, she entered the dense part of the woods, and her silhouette disappeared.

  Audwin wasted no time and swiftly left the place the instant she was gone.

  ____________________________ 

  While Audwin was in his office studying, he easily drifted to the words the circe had said to him.

  Could she really be capable of making him stronger?

  If he really would not be able to acquire more strength than his physique was capable of, maybe…

  No. What was he thinking? He knew they were trickster creatures, she wants him to drink the potions she provides. Yet here he was falling for her tricks!

  Audwin was abruptly cut off from his thoughts when his brother entered the door in a hurry.

  “I came from a reunion with father. We’re going in a war against the province from northeast.”

  Audwin raised his head and his heart started beating faster. Could it be? Would he finally be able to fight? To prove himself?

  “In that case, I must prepare the convocations right away.” Audwin said.

  “About that, the reason I came in such a hurry is because… Father does not want to put you responsible for the other half of the army.”

  “… What?”

  “Just the usual foolishness of that old man. He believes putting you as their leader will cause failure to the king’s nation.”

  Audwin felt rage bubbling up inside his chest. “You cannot be serious.”

  “Sadly, this is precisely why I came to talk to you with such urgency.” His brother frowned in an apologetic tone. “I do not want to accept this either, Audwin. But as much as I want to go against father’s orders, he will still go to war with us. He would not let us go through such a plan, and it would lead us both to grave consequences and even chaos amongst our troops.”

  “Yes, I understand.” Audwin muttered under his breath with clenched teeth. “I have no other option then.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I will have a talk with father.”

  “Will it work, I wonder?”

  An idea sparked in Audwin’s mind.

  “If I fail to convince father, how about a sparring match between we two? It’s my last chance to prove it to him, if I win.”

  Benedictus put a hand on his chin in thought. This could work.

  “Alright, leave the matching arrangements and convincing our father to me.”

  Audwin’s eyes were piercing and determined. He would lead that war. And he would prove his father once and for all.

  “Just, if we do have to cross blades at the end, do not go easy on me.”

  His brother laughed proudly. “Leave it to me.”

  ____________________________

  The evening came and Audwin hastily strode in the halls. His father could not be serious. The young nobleman knew that the great lord Hartmann would prefer if his middle son matched his ideals of warrior, but he could still fight! What nonsense to not let him lead as per tradition? He knew he was not as fast, or not as strong, or not as intelligent, but he still had capabilities of his own. He did well at his studies, and did average at his training, but he could still lead an army. Then, why? Why would he be regarded as a mere foot soldier? Audwin huffed with the boiling frustration he felt, but he took yet another round of deep breaths to calm his mind. He needed to be as levelheaded as possible if he were to convince his father to give him a leading position at war.

  He felt someone tugging the back of his coat and looked behind him.

  Otilia clung to the fabric as her bright, round eyes stared pleadingly at her brother. The sight made all the previous anger he felt disappear.

  “Brother, can we play?” – she hugged her porcelain doll. Otilia loved to play house, and Audwin was often one of her most esteemed guests to her tea parties. Playing like that felt embarrassing, but he liked to indulge his sister in her plays, and very soon she would be all grown up and not interested in dolls anymore.

  He knelt and glanced at the young girl with sweet eyes.

  “Not now Otily, brother’s busy. But I promise that as soon as I’m free, we’ll play together. Alright?”

  The docile child nodded, despite her face falling. She was considerate and had a peaceful nature, so reasoning with her was quite easy.

  “Ah, ok. But I’ll wait for you!”

  He knocked on the door gently. Audwin chose that precise time because he knew his father had finished most of his tasks and was fairly on his best mood. The best mood being a less intolerant one.

  “Sir, may I come in?”

  The room went silent for a bit upon hearing Audwin’s voice, but Hartmann mumbled a deep “yes” without any objections. Great. That meant he had some sort of chance of reasoning with him. The door groaned as he opened it and the room echoed with Audwin’s steps. He stopped to face his father, who sat on his armchair, chin resting on the top of his hands.

  “What urgent matters bring you here?” he narrowed his eyes. Audwin breathed in.

  “I have heard about the news of war against the east province. I thought about a few strategies, and I was wondering if I could-“

  “Everything has already been accounted for and discussed with your brother and the rest of the nobility. The war plans are not to be changed.”

  “Then, if that is the case, maybe I-“

  “You are not going to lead this war, Audwin. Stay at the position I assign you to. Now leave.”

  Audwin’s composure started to fall.

  “Then, tell me, why should I not? I could help.”

  Hartmann stood up.

  “Why? You present me with your pitiful abilities, and you are asking why? I have slave soldiers who perform better than you, and most presumably will not die at this war, unlike yourself.”

  “But I know how to analyze! I may not have as much strength or speed, but I can elaborate a worthy strategy or, or something! Please, I-“

  Audwin was interrupted by a backhand slap, the force almost knocking him to the ground. He widened his eyes as pain throbbed at his left cheek.

  “You recoiled from this? Insolent. Can you not see how pathetic of a son you are? Weak, pleading, coward. You have no authority to question me. Your ‘strategies’ are of no value to me.”

  He looked down with furious eyes, strands of hair covering part of his face.

  “Now leave, if you know better. I will not hesitate to demonstrate what I do to those who disobey me.”

  Audwin stormed out of the room, looking at the patterns of the corridor floors, ignoring his sister’s room as he passed by it. Rage bubbling deep inside his chest.

  He left the manor, heading straight towards the stable. He picked his horse.

  And rode off towards the forest.

  ____________________________ 

  The horse galloped deep inside the forest, tall trees covered the moonlight, obscured by their dense foliage, casting the place in shadow. Looking straight in front of him, Audwin pressed on, dodging branches and twigs until he reached that same clearing from days before. Crossing it to the other side of the woods, the horse ran until they reached the base of a mountain, where caves were abundant. One single boulder covered in vines was planted in front of the rocky mountain, as big as a house, with a chimney and a wooden door. It must be the place of that circe.

  Audwin dismounted from his horse and approached the cave, knocking at the door. He sent a glance towards the satchel attached on his hip, it had to be enough. The door immediately opened, revealing the same entrancing woman from before.

  “Young nobleman! What a pleasure to see you here! Come inside!”

  “Not yet.” He opened his satchel, revealing a generous amount of money and a family heirloom inside. “First, I need to make sure this qualifies for that ‘reward’ you previously mentioned me.”

  The witch gave a brief glance at the goods before sending him a knowing smile.

  “It is more than enough. Now come.”

  The last thing Audwin heard before closing the door was the disgruntled neighs from his beloved horse companion.

   “I figured your wish. You want to be stronger, the greatest warrior of the kingdom. Maybe even the fiercest warrior on earth?”

  “The strongest, the fiercest, such words could describe what I wish. You already know that much. If I do not acquire this strength for a match tomorrow, I will not be able to lead the army alongside my brother.”

  The circe smirked.

  “I see, so that is why you came to me with such urgency” She grabbed the satchel of gold he previously gave her. “Yes… A price worth paying to achieve what you never managed to by your strength alone.”

  Audwin gulped the frustration that bubbled inside his throat.

  “Yes, a concoction for such a wish is easy to make.” The circe got up.

  She went to the caldron in front of her in the small room, which already had an unknown liquid inside. Whatever that substance was, it seemed to be the main part of the potion, because she only added a few unknown herbs and spices to the boiling liquid, mixing them with a huge spoon, which turning it into an unnatural blue hue. The substance condensed until it barely occupied the bottom of the caldron, and she easily tilted the heavy stone pot into a small rectangular glass bottle in her hands, not missing a single drop.

  As simple as that, the potion was finished. The witch tied the lid with a cork and a blue lace in to decorate it. It looked almost lovely. She handed it to Audwin who watched everything with his eyes widened in shock. Never had he seen something so out of the natural. He second-guessed his reasons to be there.

  “If your sparring match is at night, drink it in the afternoon. Your strength will come shortly after and you will be able to win the fight. Oh, and do wear some bigger clothes before you drink it, maybe borrow ones from your older brother.”

  Audwin held the bottle with the blue liquid in his trembling hands, not believing what he had just done.

  “Good luck in the war. It’s going to happen in a few days, right?”

  “Yes.”

  The witch’s calm smile widened slightly.

  “Lovely! Have a nice success.”

  “I hope I never see you again.” Audwin murmured, and left the strange house through the wooden door, closing it. He hid the bottle inside another pouch he carried, and trotted with his horse away from the dense forest.

  It was only after the horse’s sounds could not be heard anymore that the witch leaned against the doorframe.

  “How rude. I help him this much and this is how he says goodbye?” She said to herself in a mocking tone, not able to contain the giggles that came right after. Her smile stretched across her face, chest filling with pride upon another successful purchase of a desperate soul.

  “And I hope you soon know that this is not the last time you’ll hear of me.”

  ____________________________

  The day of the match had arrived. Audwin sat alone in his bedroom, door locked, the sparkling blue liquid of the bottle swirling in his hands. His heartbeat slammed against his ribcage. Every part of his mind advised him to not take the potion. To not drink it. This has been a mistake.

  Yet, he had no choice. He either drank it or he would lose the spar, not ever being able to win the respect of his father again.

  He had come this far, he would not back down now.

  Audwin removed the cork from the glass and smelled the contents inside it. The scent was sweet to an almost sickening point. His breath stopped for a moment, his heart slamming harder against his chest.

  And in a single, swift motion, he chugged the potion’s contents down.

  The taste was sweet like honey yet felt refreshing, but a bitter aftertaste made him cough violently. Audwin put the bottle on the nightstand and held his face in his hands, gasping for air. Whatever he had done, it was settled.

  The effects were almost instantaneous, for his head started throbbing so strongly against his skull he grabbed it between his hands. Not only did his throat burn, but the entirety of his body, like he had been set on fire.

  Suddenly, Audwin clenched his fists and gnashed his teeth as his bones crackled and his muscles stretched. His veins popped as he bit his arm to muffle his screams.

  In a matter of minutes, the disturbing shifting sounds stopped, and his pain subdued to a light ache.

  Audwin took deep breaths to calm himself before slowly getting up, not used to how his joints snapped after the sudden change. He looked to his arms and torso, noticing how more muscled they seemed. Not only that, his brother’s clothes which were so loose in him now fit him perfectly. He looked at the ground, noticing how much farther it seemed. It seems he had gotten taller as well.

  The potion had worked.

  Audwin breathed in, surprised at how instant everything was. Suddenly he felt stronger, fiercer, more than capable. And all it took was a family heirloom and a few amount of money. He took careful, stumbling steps towards the mirror, not yet used to his new body. He glanced at himself, and almost fell down in absolute shock.

  The person in front of him was unrecognizable. The thin, fragile frame was completely replaced by an athletic and trained body, to the point even his jaw seemed more angular. Audwin stared wide eyed at his reflection, and felt such an enormous amount of joy in his chest he felt like he would cry. This is it. That was the day he would win his father’s respect. He was sure of it now.

  When Audwin left the room, he was wearing armor from head to toe, with only his face at view. If he were using only his brother’s clothes, the changes would seem too abrupt and suspicious to everyone.

  He arrived at the sparring room with his brother already there, who looked at him in surprise.

  “I guessed this was supposed to be simple sword sparring, Why the sudden armored-warrior-stance now?” He said jokingly.

  “I thought we might take this more seriously, to convince him.” Audwin said, trying to contain the shock upon hearing himself speak. Even his voice sounded a bit deeper.

  “Well, in take case, I should put mine on as well. I said I’ll not go easy on you, after all.”

  After Benedictus got ready, Baron Hartmann arrived not long after, his confident attitude the same as ever. His footsteps echoed across the room as the lords and servants went silent, sitting across a cushioned seat that was placed to the side, at the right amount of distance from where the fight would happen. He raised his hand in a dismissive motion and the servants left in a hurry.

  Audwin took deep breaths. In and out, in and out. He could practically feel his new body shifting under his command, the grip of his hands tightening on the handle of the sword. He felt good, reinvigorated.

  He would win that match.

  Audwin and Benedictus positioned on opposites sides at the center, waiting for the command to start the sparring. In an instant, the world disappeared, leaving only Audwin and his father. Audwin stared deep in those condescending eyes, determination burning bright.

  “Begin.”

  Benedictus lunged forward in amazing speed, but Audwin stayed in place. He waited for his brother to get inches close to him until he evaded that sword’s thrust and lashed his blade against it. Benedictus recoiled in surprise, not expecting to lose his balance from the sheer strength of Audwin’s moves. They exchanged jabs and swings back and forth, each blow from his blade surpassing his brother’s and baron Hartmann’s expectations, who, for the first time in years, widened his eyes. The moves got more and more aggressive, fiercer as time passed, and Audwin thrived at his newfound strength.

  The match ended quickly with Audwin’s final blow knocking Benedictus’s sword so hard it flew across the room and pierced the wall with a crack. His brother fell on his knees, panting, gasping out of tiredness but also out of astonishment. He had done it. His little brother had won a match. He raised his head to see Audwin extending his hand towards him, a cheerful glee across his face. He could not help but smile in return, proud of his brother for finally proving their jerk of a father wrong, and taking his hand to get up. He knew he would do it.

  Both brothers stared at their father in expectation, who tried to return to his usual composure, despite the clear shock in his eyes. He got up and cleared his throat.

  “Ahem, the terms of this match that your brother had told me were, if you won it, you would lead the other half of the army, according to old rules.”

  He closed hies eyes and mustered the courage to look at his forsaken son.

  “Therefore, I shall hold my end of the promise. Meet me in a few hours for further discussions.”

  He got up from his chair much slower than usual, although his walk out was at a faster pace. Without any additional words, the man left.

  Audwin looked at his brother contently, a confident complexion on his face.

  “Well, you did it, little brother.” Benedictus said with a proud smile. He touched Audwin’s shoulder in reassurance.

  “See you tomorrow, then.”

  “Yeah.” Audwin let out a constrained smile, attempting to ignore the searing pain burning underneath his skin.

  Was it the fight? His muscles ached and tensed with each step towards his bedroom. He needed to prepare himself and dress appropriately for the meeting later, yet his clothes were probably unfitting for him now and he barely could sit straight. Audwin entered his room and removed his armor with hurry, gasping for breath. He stared at his hands as they sweated and trembled uncontrollably.

   Something was not right.

  It was not long before the pain increased to the point Audwin kneeled by the bedside, clutching the sheets. Desperate for a quick solution, he decided it was best he searched for that witch before he could not react anymore. He left his room in a hurry, passed through all concerned servants, until he reached the stable, where he took his horse and ran outside with as much force as he could, barely holding onto the horse’s reins as the burning sensation teared through his bones.

  ____________________________ 

  He entered the dense forest, passed through the thick bushes, and ended up at the same clearing. Startled by a mysterious force, the horse stopped abruptly, throwing Audwin out of it and onto the grass. He gasped and raised his head to find the animal galloping away from him. No. But he could not go after it now, he had to get up and reach that witch and demand her, plead her if he needed, to know what was going on and how to fix the unbearable pain.

  He barely had time to think when the flaring pain raised in intensity and he doubled over in agony. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he grunted and dug his fingers in the dirt. Quicker than he could process, a stinging sensation ruled over his body as his skin felt cramped and tight. He looked at his shaky hand, immediately regretting it when he saw what was happening, heart sinking to the bottom of his stomach. His fingers elongated and bent with loud cracks, the shifting of bones making him choke as the sensation slowly crept up his arms until it completely stabbed all his body. He screamed and looked to the ground in agony, not wanting to see what was happening to him. His breathing became labored and short, desperation clenching at his chest. He groaned and curled inside himself in a failed attempt to stop the deafening crack of his bones reforming and increasing in density, his muscles stretching and spasming. His spine felt like it was snaping inside his body and piercing through his sore skin. Audwin contained the tears welling up in his eyes as he clenched his teeth so hard, he thought he would break them.

  He never should have taken the potion. He knew the dangers from the beginning. He knew and he took it without a second thought. He did not know if his chest burned from the extending ribcage or from his anger at himself.

  By the time the searing pain subsided to a sore throb, Audwin was panting and covered in sweat, his hands holding a large, heavy portion of earth from the ground he was on.

  Kneeling, he attempted to stand up, but his weakened state made him stumble backwards in a loud thud. He thought an earthquake had happened at the exact same time. Why was everything so loud? Where was he? He could not see the familiar trees surrounding the clearing anymore. He hunched over and took shallow breaths, holding his forehead in his hands and searching for a familiar sight. There, knee level with him, were bushes. He looked closer. They were attached to small but thick trunks.

  His heart stopped for a second.

  He must be having a nightmare, supposing things.

  He kneeled by the bushes and touched one of them. Same texture as leaves. He snatched one from the ground and heard loud, cracking noises. Attached to it were roots.

  Those were trees.

  Audwin widened his eyes and shot up, dropping the tree with a deafening thud, resisting the vertigo that came over him when he realized just how high up he was, yet his feet were planted firmly on the ground.

  No. He must be having a hallucination.

  He took slow, shaky steps. They shook the earth like earthquakes.

  He must be in his room at that moment, having a lucid nightmare.

  He saw birds flying away with loud squawks. As small as fleas.

  This is not real. It’s not real. It is not real.

  The moonlight barely illuminated his path. He trudged aimlessly towards the forest until he reached the bottom of a mountain. There was a cave, and he went inside. He laid down with his bare body on the cold dirt.

  Maybe if he closed his eyes, he would wake up in his bedroom, and he would forget. Pretend that nightmare never happened.

  That night, the circe appeared to Audwin in a dream. The unmoving smile, icy blue eyes staring lovingly in his direction. Hatred burned inside his chest, yet he found himself paralyzed. The witch laughed.

  “Foolish human. Have you not done your homework? Circes thrive in mischief and trickery.”

  He tried to scream, to launch at her and demand to change back, but he found himself unable to move.

  “Yet I have not lied to you. Indeed, I gave you what you most wished for. You became the strongest individual in this earth. However, in return, you gave me your humanity.”

  The circe’s smile grew wider, and Audwin remained speechless, not making a single sound.

  “I appreciate the riches and jewels you gave me, though. I consider it a bonus gift to myself.” She said in irony.

  And without a word, she vanished, and the dream evaporated with her.

  When he opened his eyes, he still found his bare body laid down on the harsh rocky soil, inside the same dark, humid cave.

  ____________________________ 

  No one knows what happened to the second son of baron Hartmann. As far as witnesses know, he disappeared without a trace.

  Many theorize that the beast from deep within the woods ate him while he trained in one of his secret midnight sessions, as was told by that governess who had once promised secrecy.

  Maybe the monster of the forest, who was rumored to have terrorized countless villages and stolen their crops would one day disappear, never to be heard again or to install fear in others.

  But five years after the obscure legend of Immers, their feigned peace would come to a close, after the arrival of an eccentric foreigner at a village across the state.

  The echoes of a feminine laughter could still be heard deep inside those woods.

[depresseddepot]

finally FINALLY finished watching the legend of korra. it only took me LITERALLY ten years

[bambeebirdie]

Alright so I just finished Earthspark and boy fucking howdy do I have opinions, but I’m not talking about those right now because I’m tired and the ending broke me in such a way I no longer care about anything.

What I would like to say though is I think Tanatulas should have been replaced with Shockwave in that on episode he had with Nightshade. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Tanatulas. He was literally so good, I loved his designs and his vibes and the only bad thing about him is that he never said his pronouns back. But really think about it. He didn’t have to be there. Earthspark spends too much time with the Maltos to really develop anyone so the more characters you add the more everything struggles.

Tanatulas showed up for one episode, he’s not even in the finale. Shockwave was there though and vaguely important, but it doesn’t make sense for him to just suddenly be okay with the Maltos. Unless he took Tanatulas role. Then his sudden willingness to help them would have made so much more sense. It also wouldn’t have been a very hard change, just as a whole, because neither Tanatulas or Shockwave are that important.

Just give Nightshade a line about how they should save Shockwave because they trust him and well everyone else acts the same.

Shockwave even fills a similar general role as Tanatulas being a weird scientist who care more about their science than the war. So it really wouldn’t be a hard switch and would make Shockwave make more sense. If you want to go further too Shockwave doesn’t even have a normal vehicle mode so he really could have given similar lines about alt modes to Nightshade.

Obviously Shockwave actual introduction episode would be different or maybe he’d just get replaced entirely but I really don’t think any of those changes would be too hard. Because again, he’s just not important enough for any changes to his character to be hard.

Tanatulas in Earthspark doesn’t validate his existence much as is. I really do love him, but he’s replaceable and just clutters an already poorly handled cast. While I think it would be cool if he was just more important they clearly didn’t want that by not even giving him a finale shot. So I do think just swapping his episode with Shockwave (and whatever other alterations are needed to make that perfect) fixes the problem with having too many underdeveloped characters since it removes one character and in the process developes another.

[hyah-through-hyrule]

My crops would be so watered if I could just love a main/popular character for once

[sadgirlautumn]

As much as I love Gilmore Girls I really wish I could rewrite it because so many choices the writers made me like why would you do this????

[shoechoe]

I just rewatched Enter the Florpus- you know overall I think it's fine but my main problem is that everyone is way too nice in it

[blazingblorbos]

Golden Courtyard Ep 2 moments

Yes I’m doing this for every ep; I have a perfectly normal amount of feelings towards these 13 weirdos

h- hello ms. Sakura

KALPAS BEING A MODEL FOR DESIGNER JEANS IS PERHAPS THE EPITOME OF UN-NEEDED BUT VERY WELCOMED HOYOVERSE FAN SERVICE LMAOOO.

  THEY TOOK “KALPASS” AND FUCKING RAN WITH IT DUDE

Pardo is real and she was in a Can suit.   it makes sense tho; love that for her

and I don’t even need to comment on Griseo’s scene, that was comedy gold— THE WAY SU’S EYES OPENED UPON PERCEIVING THE COVER?> stop

ElyEden fans I know we’re thriving, but I haven’t seen anyone talk about SAKURA’s blatant lesbianism in this frame jfdiohjugnsdfh  and I think that’s criminal.

Nah, gay things aside, the camera pan and sequence of them all sleeping was so cute. I live for (not only found family concepts but) situations where characters with wildly different personalities from all walks of life just.   interact together; it’s so refreshing.

and the way everyone comforted Pardo after her nightmare!!! *aggressive table banging*

[spin-in-time]

If you prefer the newer seasons of ninjago over the older seasons (pilot-s5/s7) we are fundamentally different people