escritoraulquii

[redspringthorn]

Me: oh nice a little dog! I'm gonna pet this nice little dog outside. So cute haha

My brain: the dog has antibiotic resistant bacteria and then you will pet it and then you're going to touch your hair or your skin and from your skin or hair you'll breathe in the bacteria from the dog which causes a lung infection that's resistant to antibiotics and then you spend the rest of your miserable life struggling to breathe hooked up to IV antibiotics but none of them work and you eventually perish so don't pet that fucking dog if you want to LIVE!!!

[flowerandblood]

The Lost Haven (2/16)

[ modern mafia • Aemond x niece • female ]

[ warnings: incest but they were unaware children, the angst, woman on the rape pill, suicidal thoughts, therapy ]

[ description: The vacation from eight years ago still haunts his memories and doesn't let him forget what happened between him and his niece, the daughter of his sister and Harwin Strong. Their paths separate and he immerses himself in his father's mafia world until the day she calls him for the first time since those events. Sexual tension, dark, dangerous, withdrawn, thirsty Aemond. ]

Author’s note: As promised, this is another, this time official modern version of The Fall from the Heavens. In this version, Daemon is not related to the family, but is simply Rhaenyra's husband and the leader of the second gang, Alys and Larys are also not related to each other, but Larys is Harwin's brother. I will partly refer to the original series, hiding some easter eggs, and some will be a completely new, fresh plot. As in every universe, only Aemond calls her Rhaenys and this is not her real name (she is unnamed character and the others also do not know that he calls her that). There will be a lot more brutality and angst in this version, so watch out. You can read this as a standalone story.

Series & Characters Moodboard Aemond & Rhaenys Moodboard

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

The memory of that holiday haunted her for many years; a mixture of sadness, melancholy, regret and longing blended into one in her mind making her live in the past and present at the same time.

Although she had trouble remembering what she had been doing the day before, she remembered perfectly the expression on his face that day when Jace had taken his boxers from him – she saw the exact moment when he closed his eyes, heartbroken, and burst out sobbing like a small child.

Although he pretended to be an aloof boy who was unaffected by anything, in that moment his mask broke before her eyes showing how vulnerable he was.

The fact that he pushed her away after she helped him hurt her, but it didn't stop her from doing what she did next either.

"What is this? Are you still sleeping with the light on?" Jace asked, looking in her backpack for his book that he liked to read before bed.

She pressed her lips together, covering herself more tightly with the duvet.

"Yes." She muttered.

Jace snorted and shook his head.

"Only babies sleep with the light on. You need to get over your fear. You're already big." He said finally, unplugging her lamp, taking it with him.

"– n-no – I –" She whimpered, but her brother simply turned off the light and left her room.

"– you'll be fine –" He called out, and she hid under the duvet, panting heavily.

Her imagination always caused her clothes lying on the chair or various objects standing on the desk to remind her of disturbing, frightening shapes in the dark.

She was very afraid of them and of the fact that if she closed her eyes and just lay there, the monsters would slowly approach her until they devoured her.

She pulled the duvet slowly off her head and swallowed hard, seeing that the wardrobe was ajar, one of the long dresses spilling out of it like a glistening black ooze. She thought she heard a rustling sound and jumped when something hit the windowsill.

She thought she couldn't stand it – she burst out crying, pulled herself up and ran out of the room.

She didn't know where to go, afraid that if she complained to her mum about Jace he would later tease her even more or that worse, Rhaenyra would admit he was right.

That's why she stood in the corridor, terrified of being surrounded by darkness on all sides.

She walked to his door, knowing he would be furious, and opened it, breathing heavily – she heard him rise on his arms, his sleepy face with furrowed brows directed towards her.

"– Aemond? –" She mumbled, trying to calm her breathing. "– can I sleep with you? –"

"– you must be crazy –" He said impatiently.

"– they took away my little lamp – Jace said I'm already big and I can't sleep with the light on – but I'm so scared –" She confessed with shame, feeling like all those children who wet their bed in their sleep and had to wake their parents to change their sheets.

Her uncle looked at her for a long moment before giving in, agreeing reluctantly, threatening to kill her with his own hands if anyone found out. She climbed onto his bed with relief and, feeling the warmth of his body next to hers, slept peacefully that night and all the nights that followed.

Despite his initial frustration with her daily nightly visits, he eventually allowed her to read books with him or even cuddle with him.

She noticed that the fact that she didn't tease him like her brothers did made him calmer around her and therefore, in essence, nicer.

She liked the fact that he stopped avoiding her, taking her along on his expeditions – they searched in the sand for unique treasures: old coins, unusual stones or shells, cartridges and other objects of interest.

They invented their own missions and tasks, pretending they were great explorers of ancient temples hidden under the desert sands, and dug deep holes hoping to really find something.

Usually they discovered beer bottles, however, it was all about the whole process, not the result, pretending that traps, poisonous insects or great windstorms lurked everywhere to force them to turn back from their path.

She enjoyed the way he made her feel with him as if they were characters from a book or a film: as it usually happened, although typically the partners didn't like each other at first, later they became inseparable companions, and each new day was another episode of the series in which they played leading roles.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" He asked her one day, walking side by side with her by the sea shore – they were just returning from an expedition where she had found lots of beautiful, large shells in which she believed mermaids' songs were enchanted.

She wanted very much to be a mermaid and hoped they would help her succeed.

However, his question turned her thoughts away from the matter, making her heart beat harder in her chest.

"No. And you?" She asked, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. Her uncle pressed his lips together, looking everywhere but at her.

"No."

They were silent for a long moment, embarrassed to be talking about such unusually adult matters.

She wondered if he wanted to ask her for advice on some amorous matter, to make her help him win the heart of the girl he secretly fancied, and she felt a twinge in her stomach at the thought.

"And would you like to have one? A boyfriend, I mean." He asked further, startling her. She blinked, looking at him with amusement.

What was he getting at with these questions?

"Well. It depends if I would like him." She said truthfully.

"Do you like me?" He muttered, and she giggled, feeling a pleasant, warm sensation spread through her heart.

"Yes."

"So?"

"What are you asking?"

She saw him press his lips together, clearly not wanting to appear a fool if there was a misunderstanding between them.

She thought she would take pity on him.

"I can be your girlfriend, but that will mean I get to hold your hand sometimes or give you a kiss." She said warmly.

Her uncle looked at her, his eyes shining in hope, embarrassment and disbelief. He hummed, pondering her words, terrified and excited at the same time.

"…but only when we're alone." He muttered.

"Alright."

Later that night he kissed her for the first time and did so repeatedly for many days afterwards.

His lips were pleasant to the touch, warm and moist, his hands touching her face full of delicacy and tenderness.

Years later, she realised that their kisses were a simple pressing of one lips against the other, without finesse or tongues, the way one would kiss an aunt or a mother on the cheek. There was nothing ambiguous about them – it was just that adults did it too, and it made them both feel more mature.

And then he came to her, pale, and although they had arranged another trip, neither of them had gone to the beach that day.

"– I'm breaking up with you –"

She shook her head, feeling her heart stop for a moment.

"– but –"

"– you're my niece – you can't be my girlfriend – sleep with your brother or your mum tonight –"

She blinked, looking at him in disbelief, feeling the cold sweat on her back, her throat squeezed tight while her eyes filled with burning tears of disappointment.

He had deceived her, used her, played with her to frustrate her brothers.

And then Luke hit him on the head with a bottle, and its shards smashed into his face. As Aemond and Alicent drove to the hospital, her grandfather, Viserys told her mother to return home.

"– it was an unfortunate accident, but it would be better if you left sooner – your presence will only make things worse, Alicent needs to cool off –" He said, her brother, Luke, as she did, sat on the couch and was shaking, whooping with tears.

Despite her desperate pleas and her attempt to escape, her parents locked her in the car saying it was better that way and drove off, without goodbye, without explanation, without compensation.

All the way home she cried, clutching in her hand a piece of paper with his phone number on it, which she found slipped under the door of her room that same morning.

She spent the next few weeks pretty much just crying and sleeping, refusing to eat or drink, feeling that her life was over before it really began.

The boy who broke her heart had been hurt by her family and she didn't know how she was ever going to look him in the face at the family table again.

It turned out that her mother had simply only been in contact with her grandfather from then on, saying that perhaps it would be better that way.

That maybe this would separate them from this world.

At the time, she didn't understand what she meant.

The first text message she sent him was when she overheard her brothers talking, saying that her uncle would now have an artificial eye like a terminator.

The sense of guilt and regret that he was left alone with this didn't give her peace that night, and although she hadn't slept with the light on for a long time, she liked to imagine with her eyes closed that he was lying next to her.

It calmed her down.

She took her phone in her hand, chose his number in her contacts and began to text everything that was on her heart.

But he never wrote her back even though she sent him hundreds of messages: ones about her daily life, what she was doing, reading or listening to.

She send him Christmas and birthday wishes, asked about his health, how he was doing at school, but never got any response from him.

Many times she thought about calling him, but she still kept the card he had left her, which said under his number:

CALL ONLY IN A LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY.

She was afraid that if she called him saying that she simply missed him, she would anger him even more. Her parents no longer spent Christmas with his family, and after her father was shot dead, presumably for trying to escape the mafia life, she completely broke down.

Her mother decided to send her to therapy when she started high school.

She remembered clearly the smell of that clinic and the doctor who sat in front of her: a middle-aged man with round glasses on his nose, his voice calm and quiet, full of patience and understanding.

All around them were plants in pots and it made her feel a little cosier.

"Tell me about the friend you mentioned to me on your last visit." He started and she pressed her lips together, feeling cold sweat on her back and discomfort in her chest.

She was afraid to tell him what they had done, who he was.

She was afraid of his appraising gaze, of the fact that he would think she was disgusting.

"He was… my uncle."

The doctor corrected his glasses on his nose, intrigued and concerned at the same time.

"How old was he then?"

"He's two years older than me."

"Oh. I see." The man smiled, as if with a kind of relief that surprised her. She grunted quietly, twisting in her seat.

"He really is my uncle. My mother's brother from the second marriage."

"I understand, however, your age has surely made you treat each other more like cousins. Am I wrong?" He asked, and she shook her head.

"No."

"You said that when your brother took your lamp, he let you sleep in his bed. Something happened then?" He continued and she shook her head, horrified at what he might have implied.

"N-no. I… we just slept next to each other. Sometimes I'd cuddle up to his arm or his back when I was scared. It made him angry that I was coming to him, but he felt sorry for me."

The man nodded in understanding and smiled.

"You felt safe with him."

"Yes." She confessed with shame, looking down at her hands, feeling her heart in her throat.

"Are you two still friends? Are you two supportive of each other?"

She pressed her lips together, feeling tears burning under her eyelids, unable to get the words out for a moment.

She couldn't even look him in the eye.

"No."

"Why? What happened?"

"He lost his eye because of my brother."

"Does he blame you for that?"

"No…I mean. God." She muttered, burying her face in her hands, feeling like she was about to vomit or pass out.

This had been weighing on her heart for too long.

She needed to confide in someone.

"He, during that holiday… he asked if I would become his girlfriend. We kissed. Fuck! I didn't know about it, neither of us knew we shouldn't do it! That it was wrong, that we were too closely related." She exhaled with difficulty, finally bursting out crying, feeling hot, overpowering shame flowing in waves through her body.

The doctor raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"How long were you two together?" He asked.

She wiped her red cheeks with her palm, trying to calm and focus.

"A few days. Maybe a week."

"Why did you stop being together?"

"Because he broke up with me. He told me we couldn't be together." She mumbled, feeling like a complete idiot. "It wasn't until later that I realised what he'd found out, what incest was and what we'd done."

"There is a seeker nature in children. They watch adults and want to behave like them. Until their parents introduce them to the rules of the world it seems to them that the world doesn't have them. Even more so when it comes to social norms. Neither you nor your friend knew at the time that such relationships were not universally accepted. Up to that point you were family to each other, but also girlfriend and boyfriend. Looking at a child's decisions from an adult's perspective is ineffective."

He explained, making her, for some reason, feel better. She looked at him and shook her head.

"It's just… he was close to me. He was a good looking boy. He was kind to me. I felt safe with him. He didn't want to take advantage of me, I know that."

"So why are you creating a situation in your mind that what you did was the result of your premeditation when neither of you knew then what you know now?"

He asked, and she remained silent, not knowing what to answer him.

"It's just… ever since then I've felt a constant, heavy, overwhelming shame, crushing me like a stone." She muttered without strength, feeling that she had probably expressed the core of her feelings in this.

The man nodded at her words.

"It's natural. Shame accompanies us as a regulator of decency in our lives. I once read about a theory that God, when he banished Adam and Eve from paradise, did not make them bare: they were like that, they just realised their nakedness, and original sin made them feel shame for the first time. It is shame and fear of punishment that make us not walk naked in the street, that we guard our intimacy."

On the bus ride home, she reflected deeply on his words, feeling as if she had awoken, as if her senses had sharpened, allowing her to see the world again as it was.

She realised that all her life she had been punishing herself for feeling something for him and that it felt good, even though some part of her was telling her that she should be disgusted with herself.

She decided to forgive herself.

She felt much better and even started dating, trying to forget what had happened, to create a relationship that wasn't stigmatised.

Although she was smiling, she resented herself for looking at those boys, hearing the sound of the sea in the back of her head, his voice coming to her as if from afar.

I'm afraid of monsters too.

Everything changed when one day she received a message that made her heart stop.

She had no idea what she should be thinking: only a year after her father's death, her mother had begun dating Daemon, who had at first frightened her, and although Rhaenyra had said she wanted to end with the mafia half-world, the man she had married shortly afterwards had drawn them even deeper into it.

Daemon was an unpredictable and dangerous man, but loyal to his principles, his family and above all – her mother.

In some strange way, incomprehensible to her, they truly loved each other.

What she appreciated about his character was that he gave her and her brothers a choice: he said he did not intend to condemn them to sink into his world, but if they chose to go their own way, they were to devote themselves to study and education.

She and Luke chose to study, but Jace, to her and her mother's despair, wanted to be like him.

They eventually moved into his large house on the outskirts of the city together with his daughters from his first marriage – at first it was quite strange and awkward, even more so when they ate all together, but then Baela and Rhaena opened up to her, becoming, in her eyes, part of her family.

Daemon could sense when she was lying: he would then look at her with furrowed brows and say that he wanted to talk to her in private, which always made her heart pound like crazy with fear.

She was genuinely scared of him.

"I know you're hiding something inside. I can feel it and I don't like the fact that you're not being honest with me." He said coldly, taking a drag on his cigarette, standing with her in the garden.

She lowered her gaze, pale, not knowing what to answer him.

"I won't play your father, but I can see that you are lost. You isolate yourself, you rarely see your friends, you're still studying. You're trying to wait out your youth instead of living it and you'll regret it one day."

She couldn't describe how much his words hurt her.

They hurt her because he saw right through her and described her life in a few simple words.

You're trying to wait out your youth instead of living it.

It sounded better than the thought that she had no desire to live at all.

She felt that something had been missing inside her since that holiday, some part of her heart had been ripped out and thrown into the sea, and she felt defective, her interior filled with an emptiness.

Despite being surrounded by many people, she was lonely.

For a long time she wondered what to make of the message she had received: its tone made it seem as if there was something she and her siblings had not been told about her father's death.

She feared it was some sort of mafia hijacking, a trap for Daemon and one of her brothers – she decided she would tell Baela where she was going so that if she didn't return someone would start looking for her.

"Heavenly Beach? It's a dangerous place. I'll go with you." She said, concerned.

"No. I was supposed to come alone. It's just… if I'm not back by three o'clock wake up Daemon and tell him where I am."

"Do you have your pocket knife?"

"Yes."

She told Daemon and her mother that she was going to a friend's for a sleepover: the frustrated look on her stepfather's face told her that he didn't believe her, but apparently even he, knowing her nature, didn't suspect what she wanted to do.

Heavenly Beach belonged to his rival.

To her father's brother, Larys Strong.

She arrived by taxi, surprised at how large crowds stood waiting to enter the club. She wondered if she should wait in line with them, but after a while her phone vibrated and she got another message from an unknown number.

So she did, and the broad, bulky man told her to open her backpack and show him what she had inside.

She thanked God that she had hidden her pocket knife in her bra.

The man nodded for her to follow him and together they went down the stairs to the underground consisting of several large rooms in which music was booming, the flashing coloured lights around her made her feel as if she had gone blind. She swallowed hard, spotting her uncle in one of the VIP boxes.

Larys Strong had indeed greeted her with a bouquet of roses.

The thought that he was the one she would be talking to reassured her, and that was her mistake.

"I'm very glad you came. Sit down, please." He said softly, his smile warm and welcoming while his hand pointed to the other side of the couch, a safe distance away. She smiled too and sat down where he indicated to her, sighing in relief.

"Forgive me for only contacting you now, but this matter keeps me awake. I know you are the most cautious of your siblings, which is why I preferred not to take the risk and invite your brothers. I fear they would take it badly and it could lead to some…complications." He said, making her feel an unpleasant squeeze in her stomach.

"What do you mean?"

"I'll get to that in a moment. But first, let's order something to drink. Would you like a vodka and coke?" He asked, and she shook her head quickly.

"No, thank you, I don't want anything." She muttered.

Larys nodded at a man standing nearby, who approached him after a moment.

"Ned, get me a whisky and a glass of water for this young lady." He said calmly. The man nodded and disappeared after a moment, heading towards the large bar behind her.

"Back on topic: I am in a very difficult situation. Unfortunately, the person who was involved in his death is also a close associate of mine, which makes everything very complicated. However, I believe that my brother deserves for at least one of his children to know the truth." He said, getting serious suddenly, and she listened to him in suspense, horrified.

"Otto Hightower ordered his murder. Harwin was still snooping around, looking for hooks on them, even thinking of co-operating with the police."

She stared at him dully, feeling a complete void in her mind.

Otto Hightower had ordered his murder.

What?

As the man placed a glass of water in front of her and a whisky in front of her uncle her mind was in a state of complete panic. It made her forget what Daemon and her father had always told her.

Never drink anything that has not been poured into a glass in your presence.

"Easy. I know this is difficult for you. You have to be careful with these people, they are dangerous. Drink some water, it will help." He said, and for some reason she listened to him, grabbing the glass, taking a few deep sips from it, feeling that she was trembling all over from nerves.

Viserys's associate was her father's murderer.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" She muttered, closing her eyes for a moment, feeling strange, as if her head was spinning.

"You have to be careful. Anyone who enters this world once will never leave it again. Don't try to cooperate with the police." He replied with a smile, his tone slightly changed, as if what he saw before him and her reaction pleased him.

It seemed to her that the music around her had begun to quiet, as if it was coming from far away, she tried to focus her thoughts but was unable to.

The cold sweat of terror and fear ran down her neck as she realised what had happened.

What she had done.

"I'm sorry, I feel sick from what I heard. I'm going to go… to the toilet." She muttered, getting up from her seat with difficulty and walked ahead towards the sign she could see from afar.

She was dizzy as if she had drunk ten shots, the burning tears of despair making her barely see where she was going.

The light in the bathroom almost blinded her – she locked herself in one of the cabins and slumped to her knees, breathing heavily, pulling her phone out of her backpack, thinking with horror that if she called Daemon and Jace and they raised hell in here, they might shoot them.

She needed to call someone they wouldn't hurt and then it dawned on her.

Aemond.

Call only in a life-threatening emergency.

The screen of her phone seemed blurry to her as she struggled to type in her code and began searching for his number in her contacts. When she finally saw his name she clicked on it and put the phone to her ear, leaning her head against the wall, feeling the cold tiles under her buttocks, the female voices coming from behind the door seemed to her to be just a dream.

"– please – please, please, please –" She muttered, hearing that there was a signal, that he hadn't thrown or blocked that card.

She swallowed hard when the sound silenced and she heard a noise on the other side.

"– Aemond? –" She mumbled in a trembling voice feeling tears of terror, helplessness and fear run down her face, her body numb and heavy.

"– what is it? –" She heard his voice, cold and matter-of-fact, and although he sounded very different from when they were children, a wave of heat and a familiar, pleasant sensation she hadn't felt in years ran through her body.

"– G-God – they must have – they must have put something into my drink –" She cried out, bursting into sobs, thinking about the fact that she was about to lose consciousness and they would do whatever they wanted to her and her body.

Daemon warned her.

Never lie to me.

"– what? – fuck – where are you? –" She heard his voice as if in the distance.

She furrowed her brow, forgetting for a moment who she was talking to, where she was, and what she wanted to do.

"– Rhaenys – focus – fucking speak to me –"

"– I – mmm – I don't know – I think... – ...I think I'm in the toilet –" She muttered finally, looking around her thinking that indeed, this room looked like a toilet.

She felt that she was very tired and just wanted to sleep.

"– in what toilet? – in the club? –" He asked further, his voice sounding as if he was furious.

She closed her eyes, muttering something under her breath, feeling her mind drifting away and remembered that she had seen palm trees before entering this place.

"– yes – in the... – ...club – like... – ...one... – ...with palm trees –" She muttered, and then her mind enveloped in complete darkness.

She thought she felt the touch of someone's hand, heard someone's voice, but she wasn't sure if it was a dream or reality.

When she woke up, she was blinded by the light – she hissed and covered her face, only realising after a moment that she was lying in her bed, in Daemon's house. When she turned her face she saw her stepfather sitting in a chair, looking at her with eyes she knew well.

He was furious.

"I asked you. I thought you were a smarter girl, but you are clearly just a plain, naive idiot." He hissed, as usual saying exactly what he was thinking.

She pressed her lips together, feeling pain in her heart at his words, realising that she had a huge black hole in her memory.

"What happened?"

"You called Aemond. They could have raped you there, and instead of calling me you called the person who could have helped them." He scoffed, raising his voice, annoyed.

"He was here?"

"And how do you think you got here? That you were brought here by a fairy?" He sneered, and she swallowed hard, looking at him with wide eyes.

Even though she should have felt horror at what had happened to her, all she could think about was feeling his hand, hearing his voice.

And then she remembered.

His voice.

His words.

You don't even know how many real monsters lurk in its shadows.

[theyanderespecialist]

Base Yandere Rick Sanchez Headcanons (Rick and Morty)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back with a new chapter! This one is a request from YouTube and oh my lord, the amount of research I had to do for this was obscene! Anyways I hope you enjoy this!] 

(Disclaimer: Rick Sanchez is not Yandere in canon, this is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!!!) 

-Base Yandere Headcanons With Rick From Rick and Morty- 

.Rick, is, in fact, a genius, but he is also an alcoholic, hot mess of a mass murderer. 

.But there is one thing we cannot deny about Rick, and that is that he loved two women in his life very much. 

.Diane his late wife, and Unity. These two women he had a deep bond with and when his wife was killed he spent his whole life hunting down the man that did it. 

.This caused him to become the man he is, a mad scientist. 

.Now in comes you, you just met Rick by chance a completely normal human, with a completely normal life. 

.Meeting this man has changed everything about your life and has made Rick completely obsessed with you. 

.It was obsession at first sight, he fell for you good and hard and knew you were the one for him. 

.He finally has felt something that he has not felt in a long time. 

.He is a very unstable yandere. 

.He manipulates you into coming with him on various missions. 

.He is a super toxic yandere that will manipulate you, most likely kidnap you, and possibly experiment on you. 

.He does care for you, and when your safety is on the line, he feels like his world might end. 

.And if someone did put your safety at risk, he would not just kill them, he would not just torture them. 

.He would make a world of all their greatest fears, and pain, and make them immortal, so every time they die they would have to go through it again and again and again. 

.He would make them suffer and he would take enjoyment in it. 

.He deals with rivals in a similar way, a bit at least. 

.First, he would try and buy them off, if that does not work he will threaten them, if that does not work he will just straight up shoot them. 

.Rick is a genius and in his mind the best of all Ricks. So of course he knows that he is the best match for you. 

.He is once again very toxic, he is manipulating you to only depend on him. 

.And also getting rid of anyone that would try and get in the way of his relationship with you. 

.He would want to possess you and be the only person you can depend on in your life. 

.He is very possessive and controlling of you and becomes very jealous very easily. 

.He is also the one who might just kidnap you and take you to a dimension where it is just you and him. 

.so that way no one will be able to take you away. 

.When he does confess his love he Is supper excited and maybe a little bit buzzed. 

.If you accept his love get ready for so GILF Grandpa I would Like to FUCK, sex. 

.If you turn him down, he takes this as a huge betrayal and we all have seen how well he reacts when that happens. 

.So he would one hundred percent kidnap you and make you love him by putting in a brain chip that makes you feel good when you are around him. 

.So that you would think you like him and your brain chemicals will make you have the same effect around Rick around someone you would be in love with. 

.It does not take your consent away but it does manipulate the hell out of you. AND Is a total invasion of your body's anatomy. 

.Rick does not care cause in his mind you still chose him so that means you want him and he finally has the love of his life. 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done, oof Rick sure does have a lot of layers, and man do I feel bad for his family! Anyway I hope you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all my sexy muffins!] 

[toffeebrew]

eughhh sleepiness is taking over must write about inky boy. ink sans is by @/comyet

i think upon reanalyzing some asks and the FAQ i have begun to understand how inks err emotions work a little better. a bunch of this is me kinda theorizing sooo yeah. it's not as uhh clear as my other rants are

His emotions aren't really "fake". at least my definition of fake. He still feels.

Instead, their main struggle is to balance and understand his emotions. Like in this ask:

So, he can definitely have quote on quote "normal relationships" with other people

One day you may ask him and he'll be like yeah i care about them alot and the next he doesn't feel very attached at all. As i interpreted "not making sense" as to not understanding why or how he even cares for these people. It seems really dependent on his internal emotional balance. The pretending comes in to play where he may exaggerate or lie about his emotions. Perhaps because he himself wants to have these attachments. Or because he wants to spare others feelings.

more yappage under the cut

According to his FAQ, he realizes his soullessness is an advantage (and theres not any realistic/non morally dubious means to obtain one) and wouldn't change that. However, i don't believe he is completely content with some of the drawbacks. He feels the need to hide his soullessness, as indicated in his design notes. But it "shows through". He feels the need to "pretend to have a soul" -from his backstory comic. This may be because he feels insecure in some way. believing his own emotions are less than others. Or his feelings are invalid or fake because he doesn't have a soul. Or at the very least not as real as others. Because he doesn't feel emotions the way others do, it must be wrong. Because hes chaotic neutral, i don't think these are things others contributed to his line of thought. Rather, something hes internalized himself. not that he would ever tell anyone that.

He may also hide this fact not the freak people out. Man does enjoy a bit of mischief, but it probably be kinda hard to work with other people if you have a large chance they may be scared of/don't trust you. I also think he doesn't actually want to like...petrify people. Which i would imagine many monsters would struggle, if they knew. given what people may assume of him. Or at least that's what he thinks ig shsksh.

Given he fears loneliness i think both of these reasons may contribute. He doesn't want people to abandon him. abandonment issues caused by trauma he can't remember.

But he can definitely feel extremes as well. being "overexcited" so much so he forgets consequences. He vomits up ink when shocked or overly passionate. I didn't expand on this as much because i feel like others have explained better than i ever could.

as his FAQ indicates his emotions can be separate from his morality. so its not necessarily contradictory for him to have these big emotions but still have uhh ig a more neutral way of looking at things. ig

btw this post was inspired from this analysis!! i tried to add my own spin on my commentary

[nerdby]

I'm starting to realize that all these antis and "leftists" spouting shit about how we (Americans) shouldn't vote for anyone in the 2024 presidential election -- that is white supremacist rhetoric by the way; it's voter discouragement and you spouting that shit is giving the Republicans exactly what they want -- are probably the result of conservative gentle parenting. Meaning helicopter parents who tried their darnedest to protect little Lily and Tommy from every bad thing in the world.

Now, Lily and Tommy are all grown up and they're having an existential crisis cause it's just beginning to dawn on them that world is a very fucked up place. They don't understand that compromise is a necessary, ugly part of life. I mean, it isn't always ugly. Except for when it comes to war, politics, relationships, parenting -- okay, no it is always ugly.

And you know what, peeps? I'm sorry. I really am sorry.

We all have these moments in life where reality comes CRASHING down on us and we realize that life isn't fun. We learn to separate fact from fiction, and that's a lesson we usually learn the hard way. For me it was when my best friend since the second grade got popular YEARS later, and she stopped calling and stopped inviting me to sit with her at lunch. I had grown up thinking friendship was magic and that people didn't grow apart because REAL friends didn't abandon each other.

That's not true. At all. And I never knew that until then.

And that's not the same thing at all as having to choose between a fascist or a warmonger. It's not at all. I'm just saying that I can relate. Kind of. Maybe the time I moved away from my abusive mother to live with my abusive ex would have been a more apt comparison. I don't know.

But I am sorry.

Because you are the result of a failed social experiment. That's such a fucked up thing to say. I hate myself for saying that.

I just mean it shouldn't be so fucking hard. On you. Or any of us. And I'm so sorry that this stupid fucking election is the moment where reality dawns on you.

And that's why -- this going to sound incredibly fucking cheesy -- I am asking you guys to be brave.

Face your fears.

Do the hard thing.

Read the book with trigger warnings.

Watch the movie that scares you.

Because you might love it and even if you don't it will make you braver, and you'll have something to talk about afterwards. At least.

Don't close yourselves off from the world. Just because something seems scary or strange doesn't mean that it's bad. Remember what Magneto said?

"Mankind will always fear what they don't understand."

Please, move past those fears.

Explore, be selfish, be curious, and question everything.

[jeannefostergoriot]

Hello guys! I have a new analysis.

The Other POV x Fitz Vacker and Sokeefe.

Yes, Fitz again… Sorry?

“You said you saw her last night, somewhere walking down Main Street”: the moment in the Inquisition when Fitz said Keefe’s name and Sophie’s mind became a boiling sun. Just his name. And she’s troubled.

“and you were surprised that she’s back in town after everything.”: cause yeah, finding Keefe, again and again, after him betraying first then simply escaping, Sophie is surprised. He still comes back.

“Go on, pretend you’re fine, but it’s obvious to me”: all the moments where Sophie felt *something* towards Keefe and denied it, but Fitz always knew his best friend was a confident. It’s obvious to him, even if Sophie pretends there’s nothing.

“I know that she’s the reason why your mind’s changing”: *keuf* emotional cheating of Legacy. The fact that Keefe was there, maybe it’s a part of why Sophitz was so frail. That’s what Fitz thinks at least.

“Guess it was my mistake, got in the way of fate”: Empaths and Telepaths are often matched together. Keefe always made her smile. Sure, Fitz brought her here, but… maybe that’s for the best?

“This is the part I hate”: when Sokeefe kissed and Fitz reaction was hurt. When he realized pieces were falling into place. Without him.

“I’ve seen this movie once or twice, the girl regret losing the guy who thinks he’s moved on but he’s not”: for the amount of times Sokeefe tried to go separate ways. For the fact that, as long as Keefe’s not here, she’s always regretting his presence and thinking of him.

“Everyone sees through his facade”: Tam-Cam, Ro, how it was obvious that Keefe loved Sophie. Except to her.

“And so she’ll call and ask to meet, and you’ll forget all about me”: Fitz’ fear to be erased from the narrative, as so many of their friends were. Cause now, Sokeefe is real, and he’s just… an ex. Sure, Cognates, but it’s not the same when she has a boyfriend.

“She was always who you’d choose, I’m just the other point of view”: That could be to Shannon actually. But it’s to Sophie, too. Cause from the start of the series, Sophitz was clashing. The match in Physical Education.

“I always knew I’d be second-best at best”: that is Fitz’ crippling fear, being not enough and getting replaced.

“I always knew she left a big, gaping hole in your chest”: cause there are full weeks where they do not talk, and she’s trying to contact Keefe, and Fitz knows it is hard for her to see him away.

“I always knew about the clothes of hers you kept”: not clothes but Sophie treasures every drawing, and the way Keefe paints Iggy has to stay. So she has memories.

“I always knew that it’d be you two in the end”: maybe not always. But I think that at one point, Fitz did realize that Sokeefe would happen. And before the Inquisition.

“I guess the joke’s on me, stripped of my dignity”: the way he’s blamed for everything, every reaction, and has to hold it together.

“Oh what a sad story…” : yup, Fitz definitely lives in a tragedy. For everything. His world collapsing, his name trashed by his brother’s betrayal, his love story crumbling from the start.

“I’ve seen this movie once or twice, someone gets broken in goodbye”: maybe he saw that happen, not yet fully understanding, when he was in the Forbidden Cities. But mainly. He knows they can’t all escape unscathed, he saw what happened to his sister, he knows the broken heart will be his, cause it always has been as a grew up away.

“Everybody else moves along, don’t even notice that she’s gone”: erm. Fitz Cognate Card stopped working in Stellarlune. Fitz isn’t there. Do we notice? Not much, sadly.

“If that’s my destined role in this, then I already know who wins”: The second they broke up with Sophie, he knew who would win. That, one day or another, Sokeefe would come. Don’t ease the thing, though.

“I was never meant to win your heart”, no just to bring you there, he’s just the passageway.

“I was counted out from the very start”: Exile, first moment where he goes out. Where he screams.

“Really never meant to be such an intruder, if you would’ve been honest I would’ve left sooner”: this is Fitz-like to wonder for hours and hours and hours if she ever truly loved him. He lost sleep over this. He didn’t want to hurt Sophie. Never.

“Living in a story that’s not told for me”: yeah KOTLC ain’t about Fitz. It’s barely anyone, but now… he’s out.

“I’m not the happy ending that they wanna see”: the fact that the fandom mostly shipped Sokeefe for a very, very long time. There were a few Sophitz shippers, but let’s not lie, it was minority. Or way less vocal.

“I’m just the villain built to come between you two”: the portrait of him as bad, rage-filled and fueled, dangerous. He tries not to see this too, but he almost killed his brother. So he thinks, maybe he’s truly a villain, built to antagonize everything, and to be hated…

“I’m just the other point of view”: he’s just the door to another way. Nothing anymore.

[raitobie]

I MAY be reading too much into it, and people just don’t care about all this because he is a serial killer of enourmous proportions, but I think there is not-so-obvious problem with claiming that Light is a psychopath.

So, Light Is obviously an evil person, in colloquial sense, but saying that his awfulness is an “obvious” psychopath trait implies that a “normal” person has zero capabilities to do it to begin with and should not worry about themselves. Of course I’m not saying that “most people in his case will do the same” I actually think the minority will, but still his actions are basically a result of the same mentality: he believed that there are “bad” people and “good”, so he couldn’t believe himself to have done something bad and went out of way to make it worth it

so, what I’m trying to say, making statements “psychopath = does bad things” and “does bad things = psychopath” interchangeable badly affects the capability of properly analyzing yourself, because you can always say “well, i’m not a psychopath, so I will never be a bad person!”. And when “other person” is not yourself, claiming their behavior on a personality disorder is much more easier, which prevents as to understand others as well. Not to immediately forgive for awful things, but to actually understand the roots of them, instead of claiming that this is a “personality disorder thing” cuz “normal person would never”

You’re not reading too far into it at all, I don’t think. Well said. People are calling Light a psychopath not because they truly understand psychological disorders or what defines them, but because they want a fancy term to describe his actions that implicates something even more egregious, serious and terrible than “asshole” or “evil” and separate themselves from that. Even Light feels the need to separate himself from himself, hilariously and sadly enough:

But him simply being an asshole is far, far worse than him being a psychopath. Light KNOWS better. His actions go against his innate AND engrained sense of right and wrong, and his conscience pricks him hard to the point of nightmares, rapid weight loss, nervous laughter and cold sweats. But he STILL does what’s wrong anyway and STILL justifies it being right.

Light is 100% deliberate and purposeful in how he rationalizes himself into doing what is wrong and he does so ONLY because he has something significant to gain: doing what is wrong feels WAY less painful and world-shattering than having to process the mess he’s found himself in.

It’s easier and more glamorous, as well. Be god of the new world and make it better like you’ve always fantasized about, or feel crushed by the guilt of accidentally causing somebody’s death? People think of that as insane, but his thought response is so human and natural, especially as a kid who has no real experience in heavy situations at all let alone like this. He’s immensely privileged and sheltered. It’s just the actual circumstances he’s in that are absolutely ridiculous.

It IS naturally human to do what feels comfortable and not necessarily what is right under immense stress and fear. When you’re scared of punishment or judgement, or how you might even feel about yourself, you WILL choose to do bad and stupid things to avoid it. I’ve done so many stupid things to avoid uncomfortable confrontation from my mistakes, ESPECIALLY as a child.

Light has been thrown into a situation that literally nobody would handle with grace, poise, perfect wisdom and calmness. People will claim that they have moral superiority over Light because as opposed to justifying their actions, they’d instead spiral into immense guilt and self deprecation.

But it’s totally reasonable and logical for Light to fear that considering his entire sense of self is built on the fact that he’s the ideal in his culture and in society as a whole. He doesn’t know immense failure and shame because he works very hard to achieve his best and succeeds at exceptional levels. Having all that torn away is very foreign and painful without experience and practice.

So while he’s still dead wrong and knows he’s wrong, like I said in my other post I made, it’s also REALLY asking a lot of him to deal with this whole situation in a dignified and rational way all by himself considering all the pieces within context.

Most wouldn’t do what Light Yagami does not because they’re not psychopaths, but simply because they are not Light Yagami. It has nothing to do with any condition or mental disorders. It’s just that people can’t and maybe are too afraid/reluctant to empathize with Light because it takes some deeper examination they are not accustomed to.

[lo-shouldve-been-an-email]

Hate to break it to you, but people like you make it hard for other people to feel confident about creating stories; in fear that they’ll be wrongly bashed by close minded people like you. AND you’re a minor??😐 What are you doing criticizing a young adult comic? Get real.

Okay,first of all,plenty of teens younger than me have read lore Olympus.id dare say a good bit of the fan base are around my age.

Second of all,this comic has caused real world harm to figures like leuke and Apollo.(Leuke having her search result right off the bat show her in lore Olympus and Apollo has had real world followers of him harassed)

Third of all,critique exists to give guidelines for stories.if people can’t learn how to critique their stories and rewrite them to be better,then how will we have good stories?having an example of what not to do helps with learning what to do.

Also,telling people that bashing on something is making people scared is(no offense) not going to do anything.

No media is above critique.and sure,you’ll have people who hate to for the sake of hating you,but you need to learn how to separate those people from people giving genuine critique.

And when a good bit of the “haters” are former fans who fell off the narrative then maybe they have some good critique’s?

I’ll be honest with you,I was never a fan of lore Olympus but I can why others are.

It’s a very “turn off your brain and don’t think about the implications” comic and if you’re enjoying it good for you!

But me and other people can’t enjoy it.and the fact that you do doesn’t mean that it isn’t harmful to young girls and people who don’t know better.

Persephone was 19 at the start of the comic and is constantly infantalized(no not just by being short we love a short queen) and Zeus was quite literally groomed by Métis(he,at most,was eighteen)

Neither of these are acknowledged in narrative as being bad.and the fact that young girls have access to this means that they will think this kind of stuff is alright.

[gummybugg]

find the word tag!

tagged by @digitalsatyr23 here! havent done this tag in a bit, but i have more writing now so its not so difficult to find new words :'D

rules: find the words in your writing and paste a sample here

my words to find: wrong, find, dream, and cloud

(Wasn't sure if this post warrents a content warning, but it does reference suicidal ideation, dissociation, and kidnapping, so be aware.)

...

WRONG

(from my dormant wip the mice come out at night - morgana's pov/diary entry)

I was supposed to have died that day, I found myself thinking. But this thought wasn't out of scorn or hatred for the times I had made since then, it was a matter of fact. I didn't get what I had been promised, yet this time I wasn't so sure what I had expected at the time. Morgana then and now were two cherries separated at the stem. Our concept of what we thought we needed mirrored, the reflection a jarring contrast. "You must have the wrong guy," I found myself saying, cutting through my rampant thoughts. I highly doubted there was anything Vincent could be capable of lying to us about. Even if he decided to tell the others and not me, I was at least 99% certain Juniper would have spilled it by now.

FIND

(from my wip crater city - melony's pov)

Darcy looked down at his hands and the tears that fell into them. "I'm crying." He said, as if baffled by the phenomenon. His voice grew more distant, attempting to fade seamlessly into the background noise. "Look what you've made me do." "Darcy..." I began. "It feels warm and achy. But something is there. It's times like these that make me feel real. Feel human." "Darcy, you are human." "At this moment, I am. In the next few seconds, I won't be anymore. I hate it when emotions fade out of existence..." He sat at my desk with his face buried in his hands. It was customary for when his "mind checked out," as he used to say. "Your emotions don't go away. They're just hiding." He looked up at me with hollow eyes and a slack jaw. But they weren’t hollow because they were empty; they were hollow because they had yet to return. "They're just playing a game of hide and seek.” He grunted in agitated confusion. I sighed, picking up where I left off in the clutter. “Right now, sadness is 'it' and it's having a hard time finding the others. Hmm, I'd wager that anger is hiding in a prickly blackberry bush. Fear isn't always smart, so it's hiding clear-as-day behind a tree. Happiness is relaxing way up high in a tree..." I stood on my toes to prop the last textbook at the top of the shelf. The ridiculous analogy made Darcy chuckle. "It seems it found laughter first," I stuck out my tongue. Darcy came over to help, except my balance was a bit off and the book may have accidentally slipped from my fingers. It knocked him on the head before hitting the floor with a deafening belly flop. Instead of complaining about his head, his eyes lingered on the fallen book for a few extra seconds.

DREAM

Uhhhh none i think

CLOUD

(from my wip crater city - blair's pov)

I slapped the dented trunk of the sedan shut. The trunk was a briefcase from the show Steal or No Steal, and I was the pretty lady in red. But the look on Elijah’s face told me he was not fully convinced that this was the deal of a lifetime. He was starting to get on my nerves. He didn't know how to appreciate an offer of such high demand. It was honestly insulting. However, my TV show escapade was short-lived once I realized that he wasn’t going to let up. He was really upset, wasn't he? I could see it in his vacant stare: his soul had left his body. He took a step back, hands hovering cluelessly at his sides. “Uh, Elijah? What’s wrong, man?” I leaned against the creaky trunk, which snapped further shut, almost forfeiting my balance. It really needed more bungee cords, come to think if it. “This…this isn’t even one of the guys that harassed me.” “Come again?” Elijah was such a joker. “Blair…” The abstraction of my friend clutched my shoulders, causing the damp fabric to press into my skin. His hollow eyes sat constricted in their sockets, white about to burst in urgency. “It’s just some guy with green hair…” “Yeah, and…?” I raised a brow. Of course, he had green hair. What was he going on about? I saw a man with the same colored hair as one of the guys Elijah described, then I…wait, where did I even find this guy? I don’t even remember his face. And it would really be embarrassing to double-check by popping open the trunk. Had I really…? I searched the swirling green clouds for an answer. Then Elijah called my name and my wandering eyes found their way back to his.

...

gently tagging @asterhaze @ditzybitzyspider @forthesanityofsome @frostedlemonwriter @new-royston-cursebreakers and anyone else

rules: find the words in your writing and paste a sample here

your words to find: pull, back, away, and whenever

...

crater city mayhem taglist (dm to be added/removed): @writeouswriter @lyra-brie @digitalsatyr23 @talesfromtheunknowable

[petrichoraline]

girl you're stressing me out because of how stressed out You sound!!! take it easy, watching a show or reblogging gifsets is not a job or anything breathe pls

imagine how tired we are..imagine how tired we are!!

lmaoo I am fine but it's been a thing on this blog to complain about it for like..so long. like for over a year now so i don't really think of it as something people would stress about, I just kinda assume it's a me thing that people are aware of and when I make the occasional post of this nature it's just "oh she's at it again" hahah

the only reason I'm so comfortable complaining about it is because I know for a fact other people have gone through it and it's just not fun. the fear of missing out can get a bit too overwhelming when all your mutuals are watching the latest releases and making long-ass analyses and pretty sets as soon as the episodes drop and that fomo comes on top of the natural wish to keep up with the thing you actually enjoy watching. there is also the stress people who write said analyses and create said gifs can go through which is separate from the casual fan's and that stems from the fact most interactions happen within hours of the release so you can feel pressured to put your posts out asap so they actually get some attention. not everyone goes through this but many, myself included, do.

posting on here and talking to other fans is very fun and it can make my day and in order to do that I have to be at least a bit up to date with current shows and post about them which is one of the reasons having things pile up is stressful - the amount of things to watch gets real overwhelming real quick when the list is longer. not to mention its a bit hard to enjoy something when you know you have a bunch of other things waiting in line.

i also have sets ive taken as requests which is why i stress about them not being ready. and i stress about asks because they're anonymous and idk if the person /people who sent them will get the response at all.

ive been through this before, I had burnout so bad I didn't want to watch or do anything for months, that's why I try not to take it too seriously, i even stopped participating in tag games (another source of big discomfort because I love them and I want to thank everyone who includes me but I let them pile up) because i am just like this, I stress by myself easily about things others find silly and i work on it by myself too.. I know it's not a job and I don't treat it like one cause yall are not paying for my danmei novels but i don't like leaving things undone, it's the pea under all the mattresses that keeps me up lol

[invisibilidcd]

The weight on his shoulders lifted, Ludovic felt relieved finally. He felt elated. The fact that he didn't have to worry about his brother ruining his relationship with Benny and marriage just felt like heaven sent. Obstacle after obstacle he and husband managed to get by it that's how he knew their love was stronger than anything. " I know my sister doesn't like that her brothers are beefing, more so for a person. Look, i'm fine that he'll go as long as he keeps his hands to himself. Remember i taught him everything, now he's unhinged like me. You could say i had some fault in his behavior -- i wasn't the greatest influence. " however, the more Benny explained about what happened Ludovic's hands continued to caress his husband's face, staring at his ocean blue eyes that frantically held some sadness in them, maybe pain too. He understood that his husband kept things from him for fear of a repeat from last time. He regrets doing what he did, his accident was off of impulsivity, anger and pain just all wrapped into one. Benny doesn't know how it feels ( maybe he does in a small way ) when someone else tries to test your love , one that you preach to everyone you don't see someone romantically just platonic. Although secretly you do feel something. Watching someone take away what you worked so hard to build, and build a life with had ludovic thinking the worst and in some way given his insecurities, even feeling down right unworthy. Dove was just a friend, sure he's kissed her a few times but that was because he wanted to be in Benny's shoes for once. As much as he wanted to feel, Ludovic couldn't find himself to love someone else, his heart was made just for one person. That was for his husband.

" Well, i can see why he thought that. And i still feel a bit off about Cris but i'm not going to get into it. Hate to ruin friendships just because of my opinion or jealousy. " Having a new person as your friend, he asked something he thought can happen with your new friend. Not saying it will just an assumption that Amaru probably thought. Friendships no matter how long they are is always broken by romantic feelings. " If amaru wasn't his brother, he'd pull the trigger. " Babe, Amaru assumed a lot. You don't owe him anything. But if he wasn't my brother, i'd pull the trigger no questions asked -- you know me. " his brutal honesty showing.

Ludovic noticed his husband's eyes fill up with tears, obviously this encounter wasn't one he expected. And like the brother's they are, both men knew how to cause pain with their words. " I am proud of you babe, i'll say that again. You stood your ground when i know i could never do that. I'd punch him and cause a fight like last time. Benny's smile was all he needed to feel happy, their wedding is just a few long weeks away. He kissed his husband to let him know he was here and very much real. He wasn't sure if the kiss made sort of difference he heard his husband speak, bringing his head to caress Benny's upper cheek with his thumb. " It's okay baby, i don't think separating from you is in my cards. Nobody can. Like i said to you in the past babe, he won't stop. He'll find ways no matter what he said , i know him best. I'm not afraid of Amaru he can sit wherever he wants. " he shrugged, Ludovic didn't care where his brother sat, as long as he didn't push his boundaries. " Eventually i was going to meet your new friend, maybe this wasn't the idle way but at least he gave me his pov. I appreciated that, then again, i feel something not right with him. Maybe it's what you said, he's not like AJ. If he's chill with you, good. I hope he doesn't turn out to by as psycho as amaru and the nutcase. "

After   all,   Benji   felt   more   than   guilty.   He   was   the   reason   why   the   brothers   fell   apart   like   that   and   he   was   the   reason   why   both   men   got   hurt.   Sometimes,   Benji   wished   that   he   wouldn't   have   joined   their   lives   because   maybe   then   Ludovic   and   Amaru   would   be   happier.   Or   maybe   only   Amaru   would   be   happier,   Benji   couldn't   speak   for   Ludovic.   His   husband   always   said   that   Benji   changed   his   life   for   the   better.   And   Benji   believed   in   every   word   his   husband   told   him,   so   maybe   not   stepping   into   Ludovic's   life   wouldn't   have   made   it   any   better.   A   soft   hum   fell   from   Benji's   lips   while   he   nuzzled   his   face   a   little   more   against   those   warm   hands.   Both   of   Benji's   hands   caressed   over   Ludovic's   back   at   the   same   time.   ❝He   will   keep   his   hands   to   himself,   why   should   he   not?   He   will   come   to   our   wedding   because   of   Sofia   only,   not   because   of   us.   I   don't   know,   if   I   were   him   I   wouldn't   want   to   be   there,❞   Benji   said   before   he   explained   the   events   that   happened   earlier   a   little   further.   He   wanted   to   be   honest   with   his   husband   but   he   also   wanted   to   explain   why   he   panicked   so   much.   But   also   why   he   reacted   the   way   he   did   with   Amaru.

Benji   pursed   his   lips   a   little   bit   when   Ludovic   spoke   about   Cris   and   why   he   understood   Amaru's   train   of   thought.   ❝I   feel   offended   that   he   thinks   I'd   make   the   same   mistake   twice,❞   he   answered   with   a   sulking   tone   in   his   voice.   He   didn't   bat   an   eye,   not   even   when   Ludovic   stated   the   brutal   truth.   They   all   knew   that   the   other   wouldn't   hesitate   pulling   the   triggers   on   those   who   deserved   it.   ❝I   know,   Babe.   But   I   don't   want   Amaru   to   bring   you   behind   bars   by   provoking   you   or   spreading   false   information   just   because   he   wants   to   die   so   desperately.❞   He   turned   his   head   to   the   side,   just   enough   that   he   could   place   a   kiss   on   his   husband's   palm,   emphasizing   that   he   didn't   want   to   be   with   his   man   anymore.   And   it   made   him   feel   happy   that   Ludovic   was   proud   of   him   and   not   disappointed   or   anything.

Again,   he   pursed   his   lips   because   the   topic   went   back   to   Cris.   ❝Actually,   I   planned   to   cook   something   nice   for   you,   AJ,   and   Cris   so   that   we   could   have   a   lazy   evening   together   so   you'd   get   to   know   Cris   better.   I   admit,   that   he   appears   a   little   cold   and   distant   at   first   glance.   Cris   embraces   his   dark   any   mysterious   image   a   little   too   much   at   times.   And   he   doesn't   talk   much.   I   mean,   he   talks   more   with   me   but   at   first,   he   didn't   talk   much   to   me   either.   He   travels   a   lot   and   he   paints   when   we   don't   throw   nerdy   stuff   at   each   other.   He   likes   coding   and   computer   stuff.   We   also   watched   anime   stuff   together,   so   yes,   he   is   chill   with   me.   He   never   tried   anything   if   that's   what   you   are   worried   about.   Actually,   Cris   is   always   understanding   when   I   tell   him   that   I   want   to   text   you   where   we   are   heading   to.   So,   no,   definitely   no   psycho.   But   like   I   said,   I   admit   he   looks   unapproachable   at   first.❞   Benji   leaned   in   to   steal   a   little   kiss   from   his   husband's   lips.   ❝Should   we   go   home,   Babe?   AJ,   Cris   and   I   can   talk   about   the   last   details   for   the   wedding   later.   Unless   you   don't   mind   joining   us?   It's   just   about   the   final   touch   of   decoration   and   flowers.   AJ   asked   me   to   pick   up   a   little   example   book   for   him   we   wanted   to   look   through   the   sample   pictures.   But   I   wouldn't   mind   driving   home   with   you   and   enjoy   the   rest   of   the   day   with   you   and   Pollito.   Or   should   we   go   out?   It's   been   a   while   since   we   had   a   dinner   date.❞ // @inscnityclub

[cartoon-buffoon]

Random HC time with Toon Buffoon: The Cartoon Cat edition (technically The Cartoon Dog edition but they are tangent to each other)

Now awhile back Mr. Henderson made a list of canon monsters because he makes so many horrors he himself forgets some.

Now as you can see the list is a bit—just a wee smidge—dated over 3 years ago, almost 4 years ago to be exact as the date of the 11th of November 2020 shows. Now since it's listed separately I'm gonna assume The Cartoon Dog is a seperate entity from The Cartoon Cat yet the question mark is odd and implies it may or may not be canon?

(real quick: I'm gonna abbreviate Cartoon Cat as CC and Cartoon Dog as CD from here on out)

But assuming it IS canon I think the existence of CD kinda ruins CC's shtick. CC is an enigma that has only taken the form it currently has in order to latch onto the mortal plane in order to do whatever the hell it wants because it's a cosmic horror hiding behind the mask of a cartoon cat. That's about all we know about it—to my knowledge—yet still IMO the scary part about this is ya know, the entire lack of knowledge. We don't know what it is or where it came from, the only thing we do know about it is it's really fucking powerful and despite being so powerful it chooses to dwell in abandoned buildings and make people disappear who are unfortunate enough to stumble across it. The fear of the unknown is one of the scariest things to me and having CD be of the same species would kinda ruin this mystique because if there's two of them it messes up this "boogeyman" aesthetic CC has going for it.

Now just to preface—ya know—Mr. Henderson can come up with whatever lore he wants for his creatures and my opinion means fuck all because it's his world. He's the creator not me, I am but a peasant yelling on a bale of hay and if he says it's the same species as CC there's nothing I can do and that would be the hard cemented canon. That being said I just wanna share my personal head canon and idea of what CD could be while not ruining the thing CC has going for it. Now while I've seen a lot of cool ideas of what CD could be and his relation to CC with some people coming up with elaborate back stories for the two, or some just choosing to use the idea that CD is just CC disguised as a dog because why not really? CC can do whatever. I like to believe CD is a seperate entity and it's like one of those poison dart frogs using camouflage although a bit different. CD is similar to CC in the sense that it's a leech and latches onto this world, the only difference being it's a byproduct of CC. CD would be a leech that sucks on an already existing leech, it basically mimics CC's form (although ya know changes it's body so it stands out) yet it still looks close enough to the real thing that gives it leeway against other cryptids and monsters. Assuming CC is as strong as one could imagine it is, CD's mimicry would give it the benefit of looking like this powerful cryptid in order to avoid conflicts with other cryptids.

Now this isn't to discount it's power because I imagine if you saw it ya know, you're dead. No amount of running, screaming, praying or anything really would help. Your insides are gonna become your outsides, that's a fact and make peace with it because it's still a force to be reckoned with and no way in hell will you live to tell people what you saw, yet it still isn't as strong as CC at the end of the day. This idea is essentially a fucked up creature leeching off the fame and terror another fucked up creature causes yet doesn't step on the toes and maintains the original creature's status as a mystery.

Anyways stupid ramble over, I'm sorry and farewell.

[theinfiknight]

ASKS BE UPON YE!!!!!

1, (post a pic of ur current favourite blorb) 4, 7, 11, 27, 35, 40, 49, aaaaaaaaaaaaand 56!

Ok ok I've put this off long enough

1) Selfie of me:

Me with the pals (the post never specified the selfie had to be irl)

4) What are you looking forward to

Weeerrllll, I might eat some real nice spicy korean noodles tomorrow and even better, I might get to read the Avatar Roku novel next week! Yippee!

7) What was your life like last year

Hmmmmmm, kinda bad actually. I had taken a gap year from college to try and start HRT but couldn't find a single psychiatrist willing to take me seriously. I was basically just rotting away in my room while also running around the city humoring people who were trying to psychoanalyse me with an archiac and invalidating framework. Things are a lot better now in comparison.

11) Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah! It's Keiran's theme from Pokemon scarlet violet. My favourite pokemon rival since N

27) Things I hate

Hoo ok. Brace yourself.

Power outages. Hot food that's gone cold. People who are thoughtlessly mean, people hating on something you like after you told them you like it. People who live entirely inside their own heads. Random old men for some reason being allowed to decide your life. The inevitability of entropy. The fragility of human existence. Stupidly low catch rates on pokemon (whyyyyyy does magby or mantyke or sudowoodo need to be nigh uncatchable). The after effects of colonisation that define my life. Planned obsolescence. Vanilla ice cream. The fact that anything you can think of has been done better by others before you. People who spread hate and fear on an industrial scale for personal gain. Stories that treat characters as archetypes or plot devices instead of people. Random old men for some reason deciding that people on the other side of the earth need to die and then directly causing their deaths and facing no consequences for it. Comphet. The way Fushiguro is being treated in jjk. The way Sasuke and Sakura were treated in Naruto. The trivialisation of super Saiyan god immediately after it was introduced. Wasted potential. Random chance. The lack of any sort of higher justice. The fact that you have to pay separately to access Nintendo online services. Paid dlc that costs more than the base game. The short lifespan of hard drives. Too much nutmeg. The fact that you can randomly lose abilities you've had all your life. The Police. JKR. The power parents have over children. The anime pervert trope. Gender essentialism. What the main continuity Marvel comic writers have been doing to Spiderman for the last few years. The inevitable enshittification to the point of unusability of every company we rely on for society to function. The stock market. The intricacies of punctuation. The desecration and reanimation of long beloved works of art for the sake of short term profit. Monopolies. Teachers who do not see students as people. Generative AI. The incredible height of the skill ceiling of today's industry standards. The power shareholders wield over public utilities. Authors who cannot or more often do not bother to write female characters as people. People who treat real world problems like thought experiments. The fact that scissors get gradually less usable with time. Doctors who can no longer see humans as anything but cases. The disproportionate power of the USA. Having to 2D animate. Guns(sorry, I know you like those). The oversaturation of absolutely everything. Surveillance cameras. Visas. The trend of making characters who had bad parents also end up as bad parents to their kids. People's egos. Games with chairs and benches that do not allow the player character to ever sit. Organised religion. The pokemon diamond and pearl remakes. Songs that require more than two hands to properly play on the piano. Airport security. Gender segregated queues. Things that were once free, now costing money. Social media algorithms. Myself.

So yeah. You asked.

35) Favourite subject

Mildly embarrassing because I don't have very much in depth knowledge on any one subject but I have surface level knowledge of many. So my favourite subject would be maybe Pokemon or well done high fantasy. Or really just any engaging story with characters that feel organic. Bonus points for a well thought out magic system, more points if the story actually has a message, and even more points if the writing is smart, funny and well thought out. Needless to say I consider Terry Pratchett to be the absolute peak of literature.

40) Favourite memory

Ooh this is a tough one. Hmmm.

The exact moment when you defeat Giratina in Pokemon Legends Arceus and you think the battle is over and then the flatline plays and the music changes into its Pokemon Platinum theme and it turns into its Origin Form and you're just there staring at the screen and physically yelling with excitement.

Apart from that I had some pretty good times back when I lived in hostel, staying up overnight playing smash bros with my two then best friends. I miss those guys and those times.

49) Where I want to be right now

Honestly I'd be entirely satisfied being exactly where I am now, only without the uncertainty ruling my life.

Aaaaaaand

56) Favourite foods:

Buldak noodles, naan and paneer butter masala, a good spicy burger with spicy mayo and jalapenos, anything chocolate based that's well thought out, chilli chipotle chicken rice bowl, nachos with salsa, a nice spicy paneer or chicken wrap, chilli mushrooms or baby corn, Lotus stem when it's prepared dry, underbaked chocolate cake with ice cream, a nice spicy salad, just chilli paneer/chicken in general. Also a decent pizza. Or a good spicy vegetable sandwich.

[tf2shipswag]

ok so first and foremost i dont agree with ppl being mean and insulting you because thats not how you get people to listen to what you have to say so i am sorry about the prev ppl immediately going to attack you but im not going to sit here and minimize their anger because its not baseless and they are well within their right to feel that way. im coming here to try and at least offer my view as a lesbian, which i doubt will do anything but its worth a shot i guess.

i dont agree with the implication that 'bi/mspec lesbian' labels are not harmful when they are fundamentally lesbophobic, biphobic, and transphobic from the talking points ive seen, and hurt us. implying that lesbians can feel attraction to men is the same rhetoric homophobes push onto us in real life to try and imply our sexuality is a phase and can be cured. "you just need to give men a chance." yk things of that nature. im not going to dive deep into the biphohia of it because i do not live the experience of a bisexual and i dont want to talk over bisexuals but i think it speaks for itself when people are so adverse to the label. you must ask yourself why are you so afraid to identify as bisexual? lesbianism has always included nonbinary, trans, gnc, and intersex people. and if its 'too restrictive' then it does not apply to you. lesbians do not and will not ever be attracted to men, i know its hard to believe but yes! people who arent attracted to men exist! we exist! i feel people are so angry and emotionally charged is because we are tired. tired of facing lesbophobia from outside and within the community. sorry for the long ask i tried to keep it short and concise. all i can say is please listen to actual lesbians.

hi, thank you for not being an ass an providing an actual argument, i very much appreciate that /gen. there genuinely is a horrid amount of lesbophobia, biphobia, and transphobia within the community. i know that there are a lot of arguments that the mspec label contributes to such. i just cannot get over the fact we are having fights like this within a community that is actively being attacked so heavily as a whole, especially right now.

your argument's reminiscent of the idea that the pan label is biphobic. genuinely, some people just identify with one label more than another, and sometimes people feel best defined by a combination of labels. even if the difference between the definition of bi and pan is miniscule to you, it might be big enough of a difference to someone else for it to matter.

it's not about "fear" of identifying as a certain label, sometimes it just doesn't. feel. right. once again! i could identify with bi, pan, omni, whatever label! but it's just not me. this has been said before, but nothing about identity is simple. feeling like we need to separate each other all into our own little boxes is incredibly isolating. the point of having this community to begin with, is so we all know that we're not alone.

everyone's just trying to live their lives. you genuinely seem like you have good intentions and god, i KNOW that this argument's tiring, and i can't imagine what it's like to deal with all the other arguments targeted against lesbians in particular, and i won't act like i'll ever understand the struggle with lesbophobic arguments, since i'm not a lesbian.

but people outside of the community are taking advantage of this argument even existing in order to make life worse for us as a whole, regardless of whatever label you choose to use. whether you're bi, a lesbian, or a bi lesbian, doesn't matter to the people passing bills against our rights and healthcare and protection. any difference to them is equally wrong. i'd rather stand against that idea as a whole than go along with it to suit whatever i'm trying to convey.

i just don't want to cause people to struggle to be themselves and live their lives simultaneously. majority of us have that same goal. even if we don't agree with each other along the way, at the end of the day, we all just want to feel safe and happy.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I am an INXJ 21F (unclear about own type) with an INFP acquaintance. She is very vocal and firm about her position and thoughts, she also finds it very easy to share her darker/messier self to others and to ask for help and advice. I am utterly torn about this person and wonder if my negative reactions are a reflection of my own insecurities as she herself seems like a well-integrated and self-aware person. I admire her ability to share so openly because it initiates an opportunity for others to be vulnerable with her as well. I know that it is not something I could do myself with my perfectionism and dislike of burdening others. But I find it frustrating and embarrassing that she is the only one on the group chat being vocal about her stress and everyone else coddling her up, when hypothetically this should go both ways. I’d appreciate your insight on what this says about me or about her!

----------------

1) What does it say about you? It looks like you've got some idea already because you mention how it may be reflective of your issues like perfectionism. The way in which you are unnecessarily getting entangled with her is probably an indication of projection. Projection is the (unconscious) tendency to see your own unacceptable desires in other people.

On one hand, you deem it "unacceptable" to be authentically yourself in public. Why? As you've alluded to, it's likely due in part to self-loathing. You yourself don't want to see your negative aspects, let alone expose them to others. Perhaps you fear that others will judge you just as negatively as you judge yourself. Hence, the perfectionism.

On the other hand, authentic self-expression is a real and legitimate human need, and you cannot deny a universal psychological need no matter how hard you try. Thus, when you see someone being so effortlessly authentically themselves, it serves as proof that it's quite possible, and it reminds you of how terrible it feels to deny yourself the opportunity.

This contradiction of denigrating yet desiring authenticity creates cognitive dissonance for you: Are you right to deny your authenticity or is she right to express hers?

Projection is a defense mechanism. Instead of confronting one's own wrongs, it's easier to point out the wrongs of others. By judging her authenticity as "unacceptable", you can continue believing that you're in the right to deny your own need for authenticity. Unfortunately, defense mechanisms are unhealthy because they separate you from the reality of yourself, but you can't escape reality forever. The reality is that you keep denying yourself of authentic self-expression and it's immensely painful and that's why this issue pops up for you. You use perfectionism to blunt the pain. You use martyrdom to blunt the pain. But these strategies can never eliminate the pain because they never confront the true extent of the pain and its root cause. (FWIW, this issue is prevalent in INFJs.)

You also say you're frustrated and embarrassed when she's so open and gets all the attention because it should hypothetically "go both ways". I don't disagree with equality in relationships, but your negative reaction raises an important question: Why would people "coddle" you when you never allow yourself to express the need for it? After all, you don't show off those darker aspects of yourself, right? The fact that you use the word "coddle" in reference to emotional needs belies a very negative attitude about emotional life on your part.

I can't speak for the others in the group who aren't here to speak for themselves, but the inequality you witness in your relationship to her isn't because of her, it's because of YOU and your unwillingness to treat your emotional needs as important and deserving of "coddling". Just like above, it is also projection to judge/blame her for hogging attention just because you deem it "unacceptable" to ask for so much attention for yourself. It wouldn't be fair to want her to feel apologetic or in the wrong for doing what you can't do.

Now, if you explicitly asked her to reciprocate (to attend to your emotional needs the same way you attended to hers) but she flatly refused, then you'd have a right to feel resentful. That would serve as concrete proof that she doesn't care about your needs as much as her own. However, even then, it's not very useful to get lost in blame or judgmentalness - what would it achieve? It would turn you into a cold and dark version of you, thus giving you even more to dislike about yourself. When someone proves to be a bad friend to you, you could choose not to dwell on it and simply move on to find a better friend.

2) What does her behavior say about her? Does this question presuppose that everyone should have some kind of judgment about her behavior? Being judgmental is an indication that you lack proper interpersonal boundaries, which is, in part, what makes projection so easy to deploy. Lack of boundaries means you don't know where you end and others begin. You don't see the world as it is but as you are.

Reflect: Why do you get so invested in how others behave? If someone isn't being grossly unethical, on what basis do you feel justified to make judgments about them and their character? After all, the way they choose to live is really none of your business, is it? Do you believe that people should be free to be themselves? If not, you're going to have a lot of relationship problems. If you want the freedom to live as you please, you should grant the freedom to others. But if you don't take advantage of the freedom, are you going to begrudge others for doing so? It wouldn't be fair of you.

I have nothing to say about her because how she behaves is her business. It has nothing to do with me, so why should I have any judgment about it? It affects you, though. You fixate on her because she is bringing your unconscious issues to light. She is an image you've created for the purpose of self-scrutiny. You can use this as a golden opportunity to address your underlying struggles with authenticity, or you can indulge judgmentalness and continue to get triggered by these brazenly authentic people for the rest of your life.

[crazysodomite]

////////

I think the best way I would describe my state as of recently (recently would be several years with a gradually worsening condition) is being awake but not conscious. It really hit me in recent days even though it has been happening for such a long time that I don't even really remember if I was ever conscious at all before.

I don't ever feel 'present' in any situation. Every sensation and experience feels distant. Like there's a wall in front of me I can see through but nothing gets to the other side. It always feels like my eyes are open but I'm not seeing anything. I think it even caused a bit of tunnel vision.

I'm always ruminating. I can't stop 'thinking'. And it isn't thinking about anything in particular either. It's more like 'thinking about thinking' and it's a constant wall that separates me from 'experiencing' anything. I noticed this a lot. I was sitting on the ground after doing something physically demanding and being in a lot of pain. And I was looking down on the ground and I saw a little ant. And all I was thinking to myself was 'I don't feel present in this moment' or 'I don't feel like this is happening'. I remember this happening but it doesn't feel any different to anything else. It doesn't 'feel' like an 'experience'. When I'm in the shower and I'm pouring hot water over myself. The sensation is distant to me. And I'm still constantly ruminating... It's an internal monologue that never ends and can't be stopped. Pain is distant too. It doesn't ever 'take me out' of ruminating. I was looking at a beautiful field in the morning. And all I could think was 'It doesn't feel like I'm appreciating/experiencing this'. 😦

I can really go on. I was trying 'grounding' techniques yesterday. And I haven't made any progress. It just feels like... I breathe in and try to stop thinking and without me even noticing it starts again. This is why I really struggle falling asleep in silence unless I'm too exhausted to keep thinking. It was torturous trying to stop it to be honest. It's hard for me to remember if I was ever 'not thinking' like this. I feel like I used to be 'present'. It also feels like my brain constantly combs through my memories to find something to be extremely anxious about. It's the only feeling I have left I think. The really sharp fear when I finally 'remember' something that can induce anxiety and horrible thoughts.

It's just no matter what I do it doesn't feel any different to anything else. Talking to someone doesn't feel any different than not talking to anyone at all. Going out and doing a 'fun' activity doesn't feel any different than staying in my bed. Experiencing nature doesn't feel any different than being holed up at home. Reading a book doesn't feel like anything and I don't feel like I'm taking in any information. 'This is supposed to be fun' but doesn't actually feel like anything. It doesn't feel good or bad. It's just nothing. I think I have to write down that I did something or I'm just gonna feel like I did nothing. I'm not conscious of the fact I did something. It doesn't occur to me. I'm starting to get a little scared I'll be so disconnected from consciousness I'm going to do something irreparable because I'm not even realizing it's happening. It's just that bad. And I think I'm only starting to realize it now. Not that I know what to do with it and how I can make it better. It's really frustrating because. Let's be real. Socializing and going outside of my family is very dangerous and not really feasible now. For obvious reasons. And my family is just a constant stressor on me that makes me feel fatigued and upset about life in general.

This is obviously happening from total social isolation. But there's simply nothing I can do about it. Without potentially putting me in harms way or just more stress I can't handle.

I think I want to exercise mostly. It's just hard because the fatigue is so strong I can barely get up. And there's nothing and no one to help me recover/get back on my feet. In reality I'm so bad I think I actually need several courses of physical therapy. Or at least I think so. I don't actually know. It doesn't feel like I can do anything except backslide. I can't move forwards on anything.

Oh right. I really think art is truly something special for a person. Because doing art is the only thing I can see through to completion and focus on and feel present. As if I really did it. It' just that I rarely feel the energy to do art. So it's not a solution obviously. Just something I noticed.