#chapters left. how much more of my heart and guts can you rip from me

[hopeworth]

do you ever read a 200k word fic with an impending sense of doom. this is going to end badly. this is not a happy ending.

[la-petite-lapin]

Double the Love | Part Eight

Double the Love masterlist

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x female civilian!OC Word Count: 2.1k Series warnings (may change between chapters): 18+ Minors DNI, angst, mentions of death, mentions of violence, excessive swearing, mentions of sexually explicit content, self doubt, OC has anxiety, poor communication, polyamory, M/M/F, FMC is (once again) bad at feelings

The morning after

The next morning, John calls.

Simon and Johnny have left to get some food shopping in, allowing me some much needed time to decompress. I woke up this morning feeling... I don't know. Conflicted. Confused. Like the consequences of getting myself into this - whatever this is - are finally starting to land.

"Hey, Tali," John says softly, and I can hear voices talking in the background. A woman, not Marcella, and a man who sounds fairly pissed off. It takes me a minute to recognise that it belongs to Gaz. "How are things on your end?"

I blow out a long breath. "Everything's okay."

There's a pause. A long pause. An I-know-that's-bullshit kind of one. "Talia, come on. It's me you're talking to." When I don't immediately spill my guts, he adds, "If you won't tell me what's playing on your mind, at least talk to Winslow. Marcella, even. Or, if it's something that the boys have done, try and talk to them about it. They're far more understanding than they look."

My heart stutters in my chest. That's part of the problem. And, to add to that, I don't even know what's wrong.

In the past few days, I've gone from not wanting any sort of relationship at all, to wanting nothing more than to have both of them tell me that they want me. Not even that they love me - God knows that it's far too soon for anything that serious - but something. Any sign that last night was more meaningful to them than a couple hours of mindless fun with a brand-new toy.

But I don't know how to ask. And I don't kind I'm strong enough to handle the inevitable rejection. Not when I've grown to consider them as friends.

"I would... if there was something wrong," I grumble back. My eyes flicker around the empty apartment/ Maybe having some more company around would be a good distraction. "Can you and Kyle come over again, please?"

I can hear the smile in John's voice as he replies. "We're a little busy at the moment, but I'm sure we can sort something out for the weekend. We could watch some more of those God-awful military movies Gaz likes to rip apart."

I snort out a laugh. "Perfect."

We say our goodbyes and John hangs up, muttering something about an 'incident' that he needs to deal with. But, before I can put my phone down, I catch a glimpse of a missed call and a text message from Winslow, all while I was on the call with John.

WINSLOW SLOANE: Call me xx

I'm calling her number before I can even think about it, a sense of panic gripping my chest as I raise the phone to my ear. What if she'd been in an accident? What if she was hurt? Stuck somewhere in a foreign country with no way of me getting to her...?

"Hey, honey," Winnie says immediately, answering on the third ring. Her voice soothes my frayed nerves, so much so that I almost let out a sigh of relief. Just hearing her makes me feel lighter than I have all day.

"I'm so happy to hear your voice." It's only been a matter of days since we last spoke on the phone, but it feels like it was a lifetime ago somehow. Thank God she only has two weeks of her France trip left before she's back home again. "How's Paris?"

Winnie lets out a breathy laugh. "It's been... interesting to say the least. But it's part of the reason why I called." The cold feeling of realisation slides in as she elaborates, "It looks like I might have to stay a little while longer. Just while I help them sort some stuff out and tidy up some loose ends."

My heart seizes at the vagueness of 'a little while longer'. "Okay. How long is that looking?"

"Um... maybe an extra week."

"Oh." It's the only word I can think of.

"I know, I know. I'm really sorry, Tali," Winnie says, and I can hear the genuine sadness in her voice. "I'll be back in time for Alex's birthday though, I promise."

My gaze trails across to the calendar hanging up beside the kitchen. Just under a month. In four weeks, he would have turned thirty.

We would have thrown a big party; which would have pissed Alex off to no end. He would've grumbled about it for months, complaining that he's a private person, which is just a code word for boring, but secretly loving that I'd gone to the effort. Just like his twenty-first.

My heart aching in my chest, I say, "It's okay, Win. You've got to do what you've got to do, and I have the guys here to keep me company." There's a beat of silence, so I follow it up with, "And I'm going back to work, which I've strangely missed."

We both laugh at that.

"Anyway, how've you been?" I can hear Winnie settling in on the other end of the line. I find it more amusing than I care to admit that she's still so invested in what's going on back here while she's living it up overseas. Despite it being a work trip, I've seen her Instagram posts. She's thriving over there.

"I've been good. But there is something you might be interested to know."

Winnie giggles. "Oh? Please enlighten me."

A mischievous grin forms on my lips. "I slept with them. Both of them."

There's a long stretch of silence. It's a pause so long that, for a minute, I think the call might have dropped.

"Winnie? You still there?"

She coughs, spluttering for a second. "Still here. Just stunned into silence because... wow! You really did it? With both of them? How did that even work? What was it like? I have so many questions, Tali! You can't just drop a bomb like that than and not expect me to have questions!"

A laugh slips past my lips, dissolving into a burst of laughter. "It was something new. But it was fun. They didn't take everything all serious and alpha like some guys probably would. They made it fun, we laughed about stuff, and the aftercare was perfect."

"10 out of 10 would recommend then?"

"I would," I reply, letting myself smile. Despite all of the conflicted feelings I have about what happens now, it doesn't in any way diminish how unwaveringly happy I feel thinking about last night.

We talk a bit more - mostly about all of the interesting people Winnie has met in Paris, the new places she's seen, and all the restaurants she's tried - before she has to go. We say our goodbyes and I promise to call her in the morning on my way into the office. Not long after, I hear the sound of the spare key turning in the lock, and I look up to see Johnny nudging the front door open.

He's beaming, a broad smile on his face and two overflowing shopping bags in his hands. Simon follows him into the kitchen, carrying the other three. He nods to me on his way past, a black surgical mask covering the lower half of his face.

"Want to help us with the meal plan, princess?" Si calls out from the kitchen.

Huh?

I follow them through into the kitchen to find Johnny leaning over the counter with a piece of paper and a pen, as Simon dutifully unpacks the bags. Johnny takes one glance at the questioning look on my face before offering me one of his most charming smiles. "Me and Si were talking. Did'nae think it's fair for ye to be doing all the cooking, not when ye're going back to work now. And we eat most of it."

A frown forms on my lips. "I didn't complain about it."

Si turns around now. "We know, but we don't think it's right. You do a lot for us already, darlin'. Just let us do something for you."

I try not to blush as I fold my arms across my chest. "Fine. Okay."

Johnny grins. "So, what do ye want on Monday?"

After dinner, we settle in to watch TV in the living room. I fold myself into my armchair, letting Johnny and Simon cuddle up together on the sofa.

It's hard not to keep glancing over at them; even harder to hold back the un-earned feeling of jealousy that keeps nipping at my heart. They're a couple. They're allowed to act lovey-dovey in the privacy of their own home.

Home. Thinking about that makes it even worse. At some point - when all of their army drama blows over - they're going to leave.

Logically, I know that. I know that me, them, and Winnie can't all live in this two-bedroom apartment together, but it still stings. It's irrational, and I know it.

I watch as Simon runs his fingers through Johnny's hair - the Scotsman all but asleep with his head in his partner's lap - as I swallow down the growing resentment. Bitterness coats my tongue, and I swallow thickly.

Simon looks over, because of course he does, with a questioning look of concern. Mask-free, it's all too easy to see his expression now. It almost hurts to look at his face; to know just how beautiful he was.

I shake my head and close my eyes, kicking myself for being so stupid about this.

We're all grown-ups. We agreed to have sex. It was one night.

But then why does my chest burn when I think about them, like someone's trying to squeeze the life out of me?

"You alright, love?"

I nod, my eyes still firmly shut. Why did I do this to myself? Let myself have a taste of the one thing I can't have from them?

"Hey, love," Simon calls again, voice laced with something I can't place. "Open your eyes for me, yeah?"

So, I do. I open my eyes and level him with the blankest expression I can muster. "I don't feel well. I'm going to go for a walk," I say, thankfully giving no hint of my emotions. "I'll be back before midnight."

His hazel eyes harden. "Not on your own you're fucking not."

I wince, but something in my resolve strengthens. "You can't tell me what I can and can't do."

"I'm not telling you what to do," he growls. "I'm saying it's dark out, it's cold as fuck, and I'm not having you out there alone surrounded by a bunch of creeps while I sit in here like a lemon."

We stare at each other for a long, long time.

Uncharacteristically, he breaks the silence first. "Just let me put Johnny in our room and I'll come with you." He nods to the dead-weight of a completely knocked-out Johnny's cheek resting on his muscular thighs.

My temper flares. "I didn't invite you."

I can feel Simon battling his anger from here. I also get the distinct impression that if I was anybody else - other than Johnny - I'd have already received the bollocking of my lifetime for being so damned difficult right now.

"The only way you're leaving this flat tonight, princess, is if I'm with you," he grumbles, hazel eyes dark and unwavering as he pins me with a glare. A glare that tells me Ghost is back. "I'll lock you in your room to keep you safe if I fucking have to."

I match him with a fierce glare of my own. "Why do you fucking care?"

That seems to take him aback. His eyes soften, the harsh line of his mouth pulling down at the corners, making the scars around it all the more apparent. "Of course I care."

"But why?" A hollow laugh slips past my kips and I spring up from my armchair, starting to pace in front of the TV. I'm completely aware that I must look borderline hysterical as I look at him with wild eyes. "I'm just one of the many, many women you two have fucked. Why do you care if I want to go walking at night? If I cook dinner?"

Simon's frown deepens. "That's not what this is. You know that."

"Really?" I gesture wildly to Johnny, who's still blissfully unaware of what's happening. "All night you've been cuddled up, while I've just sat here and... and watched you. Do you know how much that hurts? After last night when you made me feel so fucking included? And now you're back to making me feel like an outsider." The words spill out of their own accord, frantic and rushed as I feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks. A broken-sounding laugh bubbles up from my throat. "I've spent all day telling myself I wouldn't do this because it's so fucking embarrassing. It was one night, and now you're both going to think I'm crazy."

Si stares back at me and the expression on his face is so heartbroken that it hurts. "I... we didn't know you'd see it like that."

My heart cracks in two inside my chest. The tears pour even faster as I glare down at my slipper-covered feet.

How could I be so reckless? I've just ruined everything.

"Tali, can you come here please?"

My eyes trail back to Simon. To his hand patting the tiny space on the sofa beside him - the side not occupied by Johnny, soft snores pouring out of his mouth like cats' purrs. My feet carry me across the room. I slot myself into the gap beside Simon, trying not to let any part of my body touch his. Preparing myself for whatever it's not you, it's us speech that is inevitably coming.

a/n: hey guys! hope you've enjoyed part 8 :) sorry that it ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, but it was getting quite long and I try to stick around 2.5k words to make it flow better i'm aiming to have part 9 out by the end of next week, but I won't make any promises just yet <3 - much love, lapetitelapin

[reds-skull]

BLOOD||HUNGER

[PREV PART] [AO3]

This took a while because I was busy with uh... stuff...

I don't like how short it turned out, even though for my old standards it would be long.

Either way, this chapter is called "Hell Rising". Hope you enjoy!

Page 9 of the “Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde”, parable 3:

Why do you, asked the beast, Not fear me, monster of sharp bones and teeth? The blind man considers, I do not believe in beasts, I do not believe in monsters, I believe in the man’s nature, to be kind, And in his storm, to be utterly merciless, In his moon, to aid the poor, And in his sun, to burn the sinner.

Soap gets dragged to the ground by Ghost, the huge man collapsing. He snarls, “the fuck- let go!”

Ghost doesn’t let up, so he shakes his grip off. Soap looks up, mouth open to snap at the bastard, before he halts.

Ghost tries to hide everything human about him - his skin covered by layers of dark clothing, face shielded with a grotesque skull, but no matter how much he tries, he cannot hide his eyes.

Dark brown, lit by the scarlet red flares, shine up at Soap. 

And he sees in them pure, unadulterated terror. 

Soap’s breath hitches, his gut roils. In an instant, Ghost isn’t this larger-than-death soldier, a monster more than a man, a name to strike a fear greater than God.

Ghost is a man. A man that fears, just like him, that bows to the rule of nature and to the innate dread of the Reaper.

The flare near them dies down, taking with it the light gleaming in Ghost’s eyes. Soap looks down, watching him try to move his left leg, the muscles shaking with exertion. Whatever’s wrong with him, it’s spreading-

“Yer poisoned…” 

Ghost stills, so much so that Soap isn’t sure he’s breathing. “I am.” the man lets out.

Voices come closer to their position, boots crush through stalks of wheat. Torches and flares flash through the plants, casting dancing shadows over the both of them. Soap feels his heart thrumming, and he knows he must choose.

“Ghost.” he levels the man with a determined stare, and he snaps his gaze to Soap’s. “I know ye would rather leave me to die, go scurry away to whatever hell ye crawled out of.” He rises to his feet, “but we both know ye can’t. Now, would you rather die alone…”

Ghost’s head tilts, Soap offering a hand, “...or fight together?”

For a breath, nothing moves, the world plunges into darkness.

In the next, Ghost takes his hand, and rises to his full height, “don’t happen to have something in mind, do you Sergeant?”

Soap flexes his jaw, mentally going through the supplies he has left in his rucksack. Bleach, bottles, screwdriver… oh!

His lips stretch to a maniacal grin, “I do, actually.”

A rustling behind them snaps both of their focuses, “can ye walk?” Soap looks back, Ghost’s leg trembling but holding.

“Well enough for your plan?” Ghost nods to his leg.

Soap sighs, “has to be.”

Ghost nods, “lead the way.”

They drop to a crouch, slowly backing away from the soldier nearest to them. Ghost’s steps aren’t as silent as they usually are, and his steps crunch loudly. The soldier turns around, light pointing at them. They both stop moving. Soap watches his hand move towards his radio.

They get spotted, it’s over. Ghost swiftly pulls out a knife, but with his condition, Soap is not certain he’ll win.

He nabs the knife from Ghost, dashing forward.

“Shit, we got one here-!” the soldier squeaks, before Soap slams into him, landing them on the ground. He hits the radio with the hilt, shattering it. The soldier scrambles for his rifle, and Soap stabs him above his tacvest, but it’s not enough, he’s going to get the gun-

A knife drives into the man’s eye socket, and his limbs fall as if his strings were cut. Soap heaves a breath, and turns to see Ghost looming over him.

Did he just throw that knife from that angle, in complete darkness, and nailed the soldier right in the eye?!

“I had him.” Soap lies through his teeth. He takes the discarded rifle and loops the strap around his shoulder.

Ghost shakily bends down to rip his knife off of the soldier’s skull, “clearly.”

“Awa’ an bile yer heid, ye posh bastard.”

The bastard in question stares at him for a moment, and grunts, “I’ll pretend I understood that.”

Soap pushes off the body, starting for the parked vehicles, “means go fuck yourself, you overconfident arsehole.” he over enunciates.

He thinks he mishears the smile in Ghost’s voice, “much better.”

After maneuvering around several soldiers, the armored trucks left on the road come into view. Ghost’s leg got better as they continued sneaking through the field. Despite how mad he still is at the back stabbing liar, Soap can’t help but feel a smidgen of sympathy for the man. If his arm and leg were to spontaneously stop working, with no predictable pattern, he too would be terrified.

Soap continues to wonder who Ghost really is. The most likely answer is a lone merc, but… the 141 doesn’t go after such small threats.

That is, unless they pose an international threat.

They clearly knew each other… perhaps this isn’t the first time Ghost evaded them.

Soap pulls out the bag of black powder from his pack. It’s really not enough for what he wants to try, but when are the odds ever in his favor?

“Alright.” Soap turns to Ghost, “what I need is a spark plug, as much gas as we could gather, and a distraction.”

The headlights allow for him to see Ghost’s brows furrowing, “what are you going to do?”

Soap smirks, “ah, jus’ gunna blow up their convoy to high hell. Leave ‘em stranded with no lights, and we can run off into the night.”

Ghost seems to mull the plan over, scanning the trucks. He points to one in the back, further from the rest, “I’ll drive this one away. They’ll think we’re escaping with it, and run back to their vehicles…”

“... you want to blow them up.”

Ghost nods.

He exhales. It won’t be a merciful death, that one. But who says they won’t go back to killing civilians once they return to the city?

Maria and Victor flash in his mind, the fearful children left in the rain alone to die, and his heart hardens. No one had mercy for them. Not one soldier considered stopping their maddening march through the city, shooting anything that moves. Never asked whether they’re shooting parents, brothers, grandmothers, daughters, or actual threats.

Not a single one.

Suddenly, Soap doesn’t care what happens to the Hunter’s soldiers anymore.

Soap assesses the forces left by the trucks. About 8 soldiers, one for each truck. Soap has the rifle he took from the body, and a couple of knives he gathered around the city. He knows ghost has a silenced pistol, and an unknown number of knives (which he keeps pulling out of thin air like the worst magic trick in history).

Ghost must’ve noticed the wheels turning in his head, because he says, “I can take the three up front, let them make some noise and draw the others. You’ll get the spark plug and gas while they’re busy with me.”

“And how are ye gonna get back to the truck?”

The fucker just shrugs, “easy to disappear in the dark.”

Soap side eyes him, before rolling his eyes. “I’ll take out the two at the back, I see a fuel tank in the truck bed.” 

“Copy.” Ghost answers, and easily slinks away, like a predator hunting for prey. Soap readies his blade, and stalks closer to his targets.

The blood spilling down his arms doesn’t even register in his mind anymore.

Ghost’s diversion worked, maybe too well. Soap quickly finishes spilling the gas around the first truck in the chain, letting it mix with the rest of the river forming from the punctured tanks of the others.

The spark plug is rigged and ready, all he’ll need to do is throw it at the gas, and it’ll trigger the reaction. The longer they wait, however, the less strong the reaction will be, as the gasoline mixes with the oxygen in the air.

At this moment, Soap really wished they had comms. But, this isn’t a real mission, Ghost isn’t his teammate, and there are no regulations to be found.

Soap backs away, letting the wheat crops hide him again, and he waits. Keeping his head on a swivel, splitting his focus between the ruckus the soldiers are making at the front of the convoy, and the truck at the back.

He chokes on a breath when the lights turn on, the vehicle instantly shifting to drive backwards at neck breaking speed. Soap didn’t see even a hair of Ghost before that moment.

Perhaps his overconfidence isn’t that unwarranted…

Shouting fills his ears, soldiers scrambling for their trucks, not noticing the gas leaks in their hurry. A fatal mistake.

As soon as most of them are in, Soap inhales, draws his arm back…

And throws the spark plug. It hits the road with full force, igniting with a small yellowish-white flame. Instantaneously, it spreads like blood in water, and the fire encompasses the trucks. 

The first explosion is so strong it singes his nose hairs, Soap wildly thinks. He would be admiring the tall flames, if the crackling blaze wasn’t accompanied by anguished screams. He may have no remorse for the Hunter’s soldiers, but he’s not going to take joy in their death.

Ghost’s truck is far ahead, headlights turned off. Soap wonders if he’s just going to leave him here, go back to the city and do whatever ghosts do. Maybe it would be for the best, it’s not like he’s really keen on sticking with the bastard.

Still, a part of Soap doesn’t want to be betrayed again.

That part cheers on when Ghost’s form slowly comes into view, bone white skull almost glowing in the fire’s light.

The man stares at the destruction Soap caused, and returns his gaze.

“Truck’s out of fuel. You saved anything from their’s?”

Soap lifts his eyes to the sky, “...fuck.”

They’ve been walking for so long, the sun has started to rise, the stars fading away to reveal greyish dull skies.

Soap’s eyes are flagging. He hasn’t slept more than a few minutes since the first shot was fired, and while he’s used to going a long while without sleeping, he’s been on high alert the whole time. It’s starting to take a toll on him.

Ghost isn’t faring much better, not that the man is saying anything. His left leg is shaking again, almost tripping on nothing every couple of steps.

He abruptly stops, when he spots a shed not too far from them. Probably made to keep farming equipment, and looks like it’ll be cramped as all hell for men of their size, but it’s the only building for miles and fuck, he’s so tired.

“Ghost.” the masked man grunts. “We should stop to rest.”

Ghost snaps his gaze to his, then to the shed he’s pointing at, “I don’t need to sleep.” he grounds.

“Aye, aye, yer strong and ye don’t need anyone, got it. I’m not going to pick ye up if ye fall, ye big lug.”

Ghost puffs his chest like he’s about to retort, but he deflates, “...fine. I’m taking first watch.”

Soap doesn’t wait for him to follow, starting to walk towards the shed. As he gets closer, he can see just how dilapidated it is - wooden planks rotting off it’s walls, door almost falling off the hinges. He can’t wait to finally lay down.

The inside of the shed doesn’t look much better, with broken tools strewn everywhere, and a dirt floor. Soap takes a tarp off of the wobbly table, and lays it on the ground. At least this way they’re not gonna sleep on actual soil…

Ghost sits down, facing the door. Soap considers the rifle in his hands, before cautiously passing it to Ghost.

If he shoots him in the back at this point, Soap prays hell is real for him.

He lies on the tarp, his spine groaning in relief. Soap turns his back to Ghost, closing his eyes and sighing.

Ants of anxiousness climb his skin, heart refusing to calm. Soap turns around, and presses his back to the wall. He stares at Ghost for a moment. The man has his gaze glued to the door, rifle resting between his thighs. Soap never noticed the markings on the skull mask, white lines dragging down the cheekbones, like tears. 

He doesn’t mean to, but Soap’s eyes close on their own volition, and he drifts off to sleep.

“What have you done…?”

Soap looks down. His hands dripping blood. He lowers them, revealing the body of their target. Dead, neck sliced and breath choked out.

“We were supposed to bring the HVT back alive!”

His fists clench. Leaving him alive would’ve doomed the rest of the world. His screaming CO doesn’t understand, none of them understand.

The corpse rises, loose jaw swinging, blank eyes rotating in darkened sockets to leer at him.

“I’ll be seeing you again, MacTavish… I promise”

Blood drops from his mouth, filling the helo, red rising and rising until all Soap can see is the target’s laughing mouth.

“And when I do… I’ll take away everything you ever knew.”

Something shakes his shoulder, and Soap instantly grabs it, snarling as he opens his eyes. It takes him a few moments of frantically looking around to realize he will not be seeing a dead man speaking to him.

Soap looks down, to the boot he still holds in his hand. Ghost’s boot. He lets it be ripped away.

“Your turn on overwatch, Sergeant.” Ghost flatly says, standing over him. Soap’s gaze lingers on his brown eyes for a moment longer, before he rises to his feet.

He silently takes the rifle propped against the wall, and leans on the table. Ghost slowly sinks to the floor, and lays down to sleep.

He looks away, staring at his reflection in the window.

Soap wonders if that target is laughing at him from hell. Despite killing him, the man still took away everything he knew. His life’s work, his house, his friends.

Himself.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty eight

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

october 1, 2018 san diego, california orion

I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve seen Calum’s reaction coming. I know him so well that I should have been able to predict how he would react to my confession, but, I guess it was a situation that nobody really knows how they’ll react to until they’re in the moment. The look on his face when I told him… I never want to see that level of anger and disappointment and heartbreak on anyone’s face, ever again.

It felt like a punch to my gut, over and over. It felt like my heart was ripped from my chest when Calum stormed off.

Afterwards, I spend a few minutes sobbing, hyperventilating, and freaking out in my car when he leaves me alone. I know he wants to spend some time on his own, but I feel like I have to at least try to run after him, after I gave him some space to process what I’ve just told him. I collect myself a tiny bit before I run into the venue, finding everyone, except for Calum, in the green room.

They all notice me immediately, and I’m sure the tears running down my face, red cheeks, and ragged breathing made it clear that I’m upset. Luke starts to step toward me, his face full of concern, but Ashton beats him to it, stepping directly in front of Luke to block him.

“O, are you alright?”

I grab his arm and pull him into the corner, away from everyone else as much as possible without going to a different room.

When I try to say something, all that comes out is more crying. I can’t say it. I can’t say that Calum is absolutely livid that I hadn’t told him until now. I can’t say that it felt like he handed me his barely beating heart before he ran away.

Despite the many awful conversations with Ashton telling me I shouldn’t keep my diagnosis a secret, he’s nothing but sympathetic in the wake of my relationship getting absolutely fucked. He wraps his arms around me tightly and rests his head on top of mine, my body shaking as I cry even harder into his shirt.

“You told him, I take it?” He asks.

I sniffle, trying again to be able to say something, but the words get caught in my throat.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. It’s all gonna be okay, alright? You guys will be fine. Just give him a chance to come to terms with everything. It’s a lot to take in, and you know he’s avoidant.” He rubs his hands up and down my back, trying to calm me down, but it just makes it all worse. “He loves you. Nobody can deny it. Love is the most powerful thing in the universe. You guys will be fine.”

I ruined everything. Ashton’s positivity feels toxic rather than comforting.

It takes a few minutes, but I manage to stop sobbing enough to speak.

“I’m gonna go. Give him space. Take care of him, please? And tell everyone I love them and I’m sorry.”

“Wait, Orion, you shouldn’t—”

I don’t bother listening to everything else he has to say. I just run back out to the car. I can hear everyone calling after me, so I act quickly, turning the key in the ignition and reversing, then driving back out of the parking lot the way I came.

While I drive, I blast sad music that I can cry to. I’m probably not supposed to drive while crying as hard as I am, but I don’t really have a choice, already on an interstate. I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I stop at a convenience store after I drive for about 15 minutes. I turn off sharing my location with everyone and turn on Do Not Disturb. If Cal needs to be alone, I need to be alone too.

I need to grapple with the immense pain I’ve caused.

Just so people can know I’m alive after leaving the venue, I text Emelia.

To: emi✨ today is… the worst day ever.

As soon as it says it’s delivered, I put my phone in my pocket.

At 7-Eleven, I grab a jumbo bottle of Barefoot Cabernet Sauvignon and a bag of Voodoo potato chips, then get back in the car to head to the beach. The access I go to is in a touristy part of San Diego, but it’s nostalgic for me and reminds me of all the times I came here as a kid with friends. An ounce of comfort in this shitty fucking day.

After parking, I grab my 7-Eleven purchases and the blanket my moms make me keep in my trunk for ‘emergencies’ — I’ve never known what kind of emergency would call for a blanket in Southern California, but I guess, if today counts as one, I’ve determined the kind of emergency. I kick off my socks and shoes, carrying them in the plastic bag they gave me when I bought my wine and chips. Somehow, even in my emotional distress, I made sure the wine was a screw top, so I open it up while I walk down the beach, taking a long glug from the big bottle.

At my happy place on a not too busy day, I feel somewhat at peace with the world, even though I feel like my life is in shambles. I’ve spent so much time alone lately that it’s nice to be alone while surrounded by people. I don’t care if anyone is watching me while I just scarf down an entire bag of chips and nearly chug the entire bottle of wine.

I don’t want to feel anything right now, and being drunk is the best option I have on hand currently.

People watching and wave watching is a dizzying distraction while I sit on my sandy blanket. I don’t get in the water. Not even my feet. I just sit and drink, and, all things considered, it’s kind of nice, in a fucked up way.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been here when my head starts to feel heavy and my eyelids start to droop. Wine, especially combined with being sick with leukemia, has always made me sleepy. I check the time and find that it’s only 2:00, so there’s plenty of time for me to take a nap. I bury my keys in the sand under my blanket so nobody can steal them and shove my wallet into my pocket.

I pull the hood on my sweatshirt up and use the string to close it over my face, finding darkness in the middle of the day.

—

When I wake up, it’s not by choice. There’s someone shaking my shoulder and I can hear several voices close by, at least one of them speaking to me.

“Excuse me, you need to wake up, or we’re calling an ambulance for you,” a deep voice says.

I groan, swatting at my face to open the hood again. “No, I’m up.”

Blinking as I adjust to the sunlight, it can’t be too late, since the sun is still up. There’s a police officer leaning over me who looks slightly concerned, but mostly annoyed.

“Time to go home, kiddo, before we charge you with public intoxication. You can’t just get drunk and pass out on a beach on a Monday.”

Shit.

I sit up as quickly as I can, feeling dizzy from the wine that’s still running through me.

“Do you have someone you can call, or do we need to call you an Uber?”

“I’ll call someone,” I hear myself saying. I grab my phone from my pocket and hold it up closer to my face. “Hey Siri, call Irwie.”

“OK, calling Irwie now,” Siri says, and I press the phone to my ear.

It doesn’t even complete a full ring before Ashton answers. “Orion? Orion, are you okay? Everyone is—”

“If I drop you a pin, can you come get me?”

“What do—yeah, sure, yeah, I can come get you. Where are you?”

“I’m at the beach,” I slur sleepily, looking up at the police officer with one eye shut. The sun feels too bright.

“Are you drunk!?” He asks.

“Maybe…”

“Jesus Christ, Orion. Yeah, sure, drop a pin. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Wait! Ashton,” I nearly scream, trying to catch him before he hangs up.

“What?”

“Please… please don’t bring Cal.”

He sighs. “I’ll see you soon.” Then he hangs up.

“Is someone coming?” The police officer asks. I realize he’s one of two, the other standing a few feet behind him.

“Yeah, my friend said he’ll be here soon.”

The officers exchange glances. “We’ll be back in an hour. If you’re still here, you’ll be riding in the back of our car instead. Got it?”

My eyes widen. “Yes, sir. I’ll be gone, I promise.”

I gather my things up and put them into my 7-Eleven bag before standing up. While I walk toward my car, I drop a pin for Ashton. I have about a million notifications of phone calls and text messages. I don’t want to read anything from Calum or the band, or even my family. I just check the thread with Emelia.

From: emi✨ what happened ?????? you told him??? i assume? hello? pick up the phone orion bro literally everyone is freaking the fuck out your mom just called orion i get that you’re trying to be alone but we’re all so worried can you just tell someone if you’re alive and okay? orion, it’s been five hours i’m on my way down to SD right now. your moms are so scared and cal is a wreck

Her last text was just over an hour ago, so if she really is driving down, she’s still in the car. I call her instantly. Just like with Ashton, it doesn’t even finish a full ring before she answers.

“BITCH,” she starts, and I have to hold my phone away from my ear for a second because of how loud she is. “DON’T YOU EVER DO THIS SHIT AGAIN!”

I wince, unsure if she’s going to continue or if it’s safe to speak.

“Where the fuck are you!?” Yep, she continues.

I sigh, sitting down on the hood of my car. “I’m at the beach.”

“Why haven’t you been answering literally anyone!? Orion, do you understand how many people are upset right now? Because it’s literally so many people.”

I let the alcohol talk next, and I regret the words that come out of my mouth the moment I say them.

“Just a preview of what’s inevitable. I’m fucking dying, in case you forgot. Get used to me not answering my fucking phone.”

Emelia gasps, and the tears start forming in my eyes again. I shouldn’t have said it. I know I shouldn’t have. It’s a low blow, especially for someone who so clearly just cares about me and wants me to be okay. I feel worse than I already do.

“Em, I’m—I’m sorry,” I choke out, falling back into a state of sobbing. “I shouldn’t have said that. Fuck, I feel so bad. I’m sorry. I just—I’m at the beach. I’m drunk. I fell asleep. I just woke up. Ash is on his way to me. You can go home if you want.”

She takes a big breath before she speaks again. “I’m headed to your moms’ house. I’ll see you there. Everyone is there now.” Then she hangs up on me, and I can’t even pretend like I blame her for it.

“Fuck,” I say to no one but myself.

Roughly thirty minutes after my call with Emelia, a black van pulls up next to my car. Ashton is in the passenger seat, and Matt is in the driver’s. They say something to each other that I can’t hear before Ashton throws his door open and walks up to me.

“Are you okay?” He asks. He hugs me before I can even say anything.

I laugh. It’s a bitter, short laugh. “No.”

He hugs me tighter, and I break down again.

Ashton drives my car to my moms’ house while Matt drives the van back to the venue. The drive ends up taking over an hour because there’s an accident on the way, and I’m grateful that he just plays a podcast for the whole time so we don’t have to talk.

Calum always jokes that I can’t stand silence so I always make up dumb stories to tell people just to make sure that there isn’t any dead air. I never make them up, he just tends to find them so random. I do hate silence, and I’d rather talk to people than not, so making conversation has always been… I wouldn’t say a strong suit, because it’s not always worthwhile conversation, but I guess it’s just easy. It’s easy for me to find random stories to tell from the depths of my brain, especially if it’s someone I’m comfortable with.

Right now, I don’t want to talk, especially not knowing that the whole band and their partners and my family and Emelia will be at the house when we get there.

We pull in right as Emelia is getting out of her car.

“Hey guys,” she says without enthusiasm as Ashton and I get out of my Civic.

I start crying again, and it feels stupid, but thankfully, she doesn’t care. Emelia welcomes me with open arms and hugs me to her chest.

“I’m sorry and I love you,” I whisper to her.

“I love you, and it’s okay.”

I nod against her.

“C’mon, let’s go inside,” she says. She steps back from me, her hands sitting on my arms as she looks at me. “Everyone is waiting.”

I don’t want to, but I know I don’t have a choice. Em walks in front of me and Ash walks next to me, with his hand on my back between my shoulder blades. As we’re walking up to the door, Calum bursts through it and runs to us. Surely he was watching Ashton's location get closer and closer to the house.

Emelia steps out of the way and gives Cal a clear path to throw his arms around me and squeeze me against his chest. I cry into his shirt while he holds me, and I’m transported back in time to our goodbye at the airport two months ago. The deja vu makes me cry harder.

“I’m sorry I ran," he apologizes, although I feel like it's unwarranted. I did a fucked up thing. "I love you, and I trust you and your judgment and I know you did things in a way that made sense to you."

I shake my head as well as I can within his embrace which almost swallows me. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I fucked up. I know I did. I’m sorry. I feel like shit.”

“Let’s talk about it later.”

I nod. Dropping it for the moment feels best, considering practically everyone we know is here and neither one of us wants an audience for our conversation.

“I know things are shitty, but we’ve got a ton of pizza inside if you’re hungry? Everyone else is in the backyard.”

I peel back from his embrace enough to be able to look him in the eye. “I’m sorry I fucked everything up.”

Calum’s eyes are brimmed with tears and I feel awful for causing as much pain as I have. He doesn’t cry a lot, and when he does, it’s always something that makes my heart ache. I feel like the worst person alive to do this to him. He doesn’t deserve this.

“We can talk about it later, okay? Let’s just be together for a little bit. Everyone has been so worried.” He kisses my forehead and takes my hand, tugging me inside with him, Ashton and Emelia following behind.

Inside the house, there are pizza boxes scattered around the kitchen and a few cases of La Croix on the island. Eri is in the living room with Disney Channel playing and Duke is asleep on his lap. My moms walk inside from the backyard as we walk in and they both run up to us, looking an appropriate mix of angry and relieved.

“Never do that again!” Mama says, embracing me quickly. Mom hugs me, too, and then she grabs my other hand that Calum isn’t holding.

“Eat. We’re glad you’re safe. You have an army of concerned friends in the backyard. They will be relieved to see you.”

I just nod, unable to process the right words to say right now. I’ve sobered up over the past hour but the wine brain fog is still lingering, especially given my exhaustion. Emelia hands me a plate with a slice of cheese pizza on it, then she nods her head toward the backyard.

“Come on, let’s go see everyone. I don’t think Luke has stopped crying since you ran off,” Calum says, giving my hand a squeeze.

I don’t get a chance to argue before he leads me outside, everyone’s heads snapping up as the door creaks open. Calum was right. Luke is still crying. How could I do this to all of them? What’s wrong with me? These people don’t deserve this kind of pain. Nobody deserves this.

Luke barrels toward me first, nearly knocking me over with a hug. I feel his body quivering as he shakily breathes and cries into my hair. Calum lets go of my hand and takes my pizza from me so I can hug Luke back. It takes so much self control not to cry again. I just focus on trying to calm Luke down, rubbing small circles into his back.

“I’m so, so sorry, O,” Luke whispers through his quiet sobs.

He’s sorry? Why is he sorry? I’m the one who messed up. “It’s okay, Lu. You didn’t do anything.”

He cried and I feel him shake his head. “I should’ve been there for you.”

“Luke,” I breathe out. “I didn’t want anyone to be there for me. That’s not on you.”

“Luke, give her some space. You’re not the only one who wants to hug her, man!” I hear Michael’s voice. He’s trying to lighten the mood a bit and I appreciate it. He peels Luke away from me and then he embraces me himself. “Glad you’re safe, O.”

“Sorry to scare everyone.”

“We love you so much,” Crystal says, hugging me straight after Michael lets go.

Sierra is next, and then KayKay. After everyone else has had a turn, Luke resumes his hugging and clings to me for another few minutes while everyone else starts talking and eating again. He keeps apologizing to me and it hurts. He sounds so sad. When he finally pulls away, I look up at his red face that’s covered in tears.

I pull my sweatshirt sleeve over my hand and reach up to wipe them away. “Don’t cry. It’ll be okay.”

Luke nods, and then Sierra comes up to him and takes him off to calm him down, mouthing a ‘sorry’ to me.

Finally in a place where I can breathe again, I look up and catch Calum staring at me. His eyes have welled up tears and are a muted version of their normal rich brown. I try to smile at him, but I end up having tears start to form in my own eyes for the millionth time today. When one falls from my eyes, he’s quick to reach over and wipe it away.

“I love you,” he says, his voice almost too quiet to hear, full of love and pain and sadness and, possibly most difficult to admit, fear.

“I love you.”

I look down at the pizza he’s holding for me, my stomach starting to make noises, and then I notice the tape wrapped around his knuckles. Ashton is somewhat known for always having his hands taped up with blisters from playing the drums, but not Calum, and the location of the tape wouldn’t be from playing any instrument. It also wasn’t there this morning.

“What happened to your hand?” I ask, taking the pizza from his grasp with one hand and using the other to reach for his bandaged one, pulling it closer to try to inspect.

He chuckles, and I'm grateful to hear a sound close to laughter come from him. “I got in a fight with a wall.”

I look up at him, eyebrows raised, trying to fight a smile. Calum is practically magic. Not even seconds ago I was about to cry, and here he is, flipping my mood like it’s as simple as turning on a light switch. “Elaborate?”

Cal sighs, breaking our eye contact. “I wanted to punch somebody, but I know how you feel about violence, so I punched a wall. Three times.”

My raised eyebrows move to being knit together. Cal isn’t known for being an angry person, much less a violent one. Gentle is the first word I'd use to describe his soul, and kind is the second. Angry isn't even on my list. “Who did you want to punch?”

“Ashton.” He doesn’t even hesitate before he says it. I watch his jaw clench as he looks behind me, presumably to wherever Ashton is standing. He’s angry. He’s furious.

I don’t understand why he would be mad at Ashton but able to look past what I’ve done enough to be consoling me right now. Ashton didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who messed everything up and Ashton got stuck in the crosshairs. He was just trying to be a good friend to me and he made his opinions very known—he didn’t agree with what I was doing but respected that it was my choice to make, not his. Does Calum not see that?

“Cal, don’t be upset with—“

His eyes snap back down to me, anger still firing in his irises. “Not now. I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

His fury silences me and I decide it’s probably best to listen to him. I don’t want to fight with him in front of all these people, but I know I need to talk to him about this soon. Ashton and Calum call each other soulmates. I don’t want to be the reason there’s a rift between them. I want to talk about it now and clear the air, but if Calum says he doesn’t want to talk about something, it’s by far the better choice to leave it alone.

“Okay,” I say, my voice small.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Calum promises. “Right now I just want to be with you, okay?”

I nod, even though everything I have wanted to say all day is gnawing at my stomach, clawing at my throat, and filling the entirety of my mouth. I need to talk about all of this; after sitting on it for over two months, I need to get everything off my chest. But, knowing Calum, I know that if he doesn’t want to talk about something, it’s useless to try to talk about it, so even though I’m dying to talk about the issue at hand, I have to swallow the words and try not to choke on them.

“Can we go sit down? I’m so tired.”

Calum nods, wrapping an arm around me and guiding me over to the outdoor living room situation my moms have set up, sitting down on the couch that’s covered in Duke’s hair from him being out here all day. KayKay and Emelia are sitting on chairs across from us, deep in their own conversation. I think Em is telling her about a project she did in her photography class and KayKay is looking through the final images on her phone. I'm glad they can talk about something normal in the midst of all this.

I slowly take bites of my cheese pizza, but each mouthful sticks on its way down my throat and make it far less appetizing.

“Need anything?” Calum asks, taking note of my silence and slow eating.

“No, just don’t have much of an appetite these days.”

It’s nice to be back with everyone, and I don’t want to act like it isn’t, but this all feels wrong. Ashton and Calum aren’t speaking. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own head, trying not to trigger any conversations that I can’t have yet and narrowly avoiding crying yet again. Calum is being attentive, smoothing my hair for me while I talk and always having his hand on me somewhere, whether resting on my knee, wrapped around my waist, or intertwined with mine. All I can picture is the look on his face when I told him I have leukemia and the way it felt to practically watch his heart stop beating.

One day, he’s actually going to have to watch as my heart stops beating, and the thought alone makes me hate myself even more than I already do.

read next chapter

[bunnyboo77]

The Mad King's Bride Chapter 1

“They always said that there is a reason for madness, that there is a reason for the never-ending voices that plague one's mind. Some may never find that reason and slowly become nothing more than an empty shell of their former selves. But the king had found his reason. The messages the voices were trying to tell him it wasn't burn them all they were saying burn them all for her.”

(King’s POV)

These pathetic fools Lords to the land they claim to be when really, they are nothing more than spies constantly watching me waiting for the moment, I let my guard down I am one of them plunge A dagger into my heart.

As I sit here listening to another boring council meeting about another problem in the land my mind slowly starts to drift. Where it drifts to is that of my sister Rhaella room ohh how small it was I do not know how she lived. The night before my coronation your eye became king of the seven kingdoms, I thought I would visit my soon-to-be sister wife. I did not enjoy her company, but I thought I should warn her not to make a fool of me the next day. The only thing I can truly remember in detail is that of the letter left on her bed.

A final farewell dear brother for I would rather die than commit myself to you through marriage in front of the Seven.

signed your free sister Rhaella.

The rage step began to boil in my blood I could almost feel the dragon ripping through my skin, the claws emanating from my hands the fire brewing in my belly. The only thing that satisfied me that night was the only thing that put the dragon back into its cave was to visit the black cells and listen to the prisoners as they screamed in pain as I inflicted cut after cut upon their body.

As I remember fondly, I was brought out of my days by the greedy Lord of the council. Though I did not pay them much heed, one Lord stuck out to me in particular Lord tywin Lannister the Golden Lion he was the only one that could stomach.

Facing the man to my right and out of the table the only thing I could see in their eyes besides greed was fear and fear alone.

“Your majesty” tywin spoke softly.

“As we speak many of the Lords and their families have arrived at King's landing for the upcoming ball tonight to celebrate the strength and honor of house Targaryen.”

ohh how I hated balls the tedious music the annoying laughter around me and the heavily painted women covering themselves it is so much gold, silver, and silks. As it is in honor of my house, I cannot avoid the celebration though I would like to avoid certain Lords who I feel are in my throne.

 “In our honor of house Targaryen and the celebration of the dragon, it will be a fine ball” Lord high garden spoke before I could even open my mouth. My gaze upon him he knew to feel the fire in my eyes though he was a pathetic man he was Master of Law how pathetic he was only for his words that were praising my house I would have gutted him right there and then, but he knew never to interrupt me ever again.

Leaving the council, I made my way back to my chambers just standing gold cards that followed me I also wondered if that one day all four of them would turn and stabbed me right there and then. I would never let that happen even if I heard the faintest whisper, I would have them all hung and leave their bodies to rot where others could see them in Plainview.

like I did with my cupbearer. I could see him taking his time pouring my wine I knew the smell was off and then they told me they told me he poisoned the cup so right there and then I had him hanged I watched his body as it danced in the wind day by day became less and less until it rotted from the ropes.

Entering my chamber, a sort of relief hit my chest though I could not help but feel something else. Stirring around my large chamber he noticed the freshly pressed sheets that lay upon my bed in the far left of the room, the fresh fruits that sat upon my table in the far-right corner, the warm embrace of the fire there could be faults so I entered. All these feelings they warrant it it was something else something that was missing I can feel it something that was missing from this room. Another warm embrace that I should feel when a king enters the room what could this feeling be?

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

To Make a Heaven of Hell (2/?)

----

Virgil might have been given a paradise, but that doesn't mean he's ready for it.

Lucky for him, he doesn't have to be.

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Chapter warnings : Self-depreciation

Notes:

This was meant to be posted yesterday but I was binge-watching BBC Ghosts for five hours and forgot, I do apologise.

Also I'm so wary about the characterisation of the Hell's Belles characters, I'm hoping I did good hehe

Please enjoy regardless!

----

Virgil barely got a look at the room he appeared in before he opened the door - gate? - behind him and stepped out, slamming it shut behind him. Taking short, sharp breaths as he stared at the dark, polished wood with a gothic-style handle and small but intricate carvings. Taking itall in made him feel sick, but for some reason he couldn’t make himself look away. 

The universe had given him a paradise, his own space that reflected his very soul, and… it made him feel sick. 

He didn’t deserve this, not after everything that happened in his life, he’d been nothing but a burden, a problem for everyone he came across - his parents, his teachers, his partners, everyone had said the same thing. He was hard to talk to, to get along with, to work with. His anxiety made him impossible to handle, all the time. His parents had kicked him out, he’d leeched off of his last boyfriend for a home, food and limited safety when he couldn’t even get a job to pay for it, and he’d died in a way that could definitely have hurt other people, he was awful - all he seemed to do was ruin lives, how on earth had the universe thought him worthy of a paradise?

“You’ve been staring at that there door an awful long time, darlin’, is something wrong?” Someone said from behind him. Virgil whipped around, only to come face to face with an older woman with a kind smile, glasses and a soft-looking sweater.

“No, I- uh- I’m-” Virgil started before sighing. He was about to tell her that he was fine, but a glance back at the door that led to his own personal paradise left an uncomfortable, icky feeling pooling in his gut. 

“You wanna talk about it?” She asked gently.

“I…” Virgil took a deep breath, brushing a hand through his hair, she seemed nice enough and if this was supposed to be paradise then… maybe he should give it a try? “Yeah, okay, if you don’t… mind?”

“Of course not, sugar,” She said, “Would you rather go somewhere more private?”

“I don’t know anywhere but here,” Virgil said, shaking his head immediately, “I’m… new.”

She nodded, “I see, so, what is it about this door here that’s giving you so much trouble?”

Virgil took another deep breath. Opening up to a stranger felt a little like he was ripping out his heart and offering it on a platter. He definitely hadn’t been expecting to have to do it today, but then again, they hadn’t expected to die, either, so… 

He supposed talking wasn’t the worst way this could go.

“This is… my… paradise…” Virgil said, even just the word left a sour taste in his mouth, “But I just… looking at the door- thinking about it? Makes me feel sick- I, I didn’t even get to look at it, I nearly vomited and left as quick as I could when I appeared there, I just… I dunno, I feel gross.”

“Sometimes,” The lady said, “You don’t feel ready, and that’s okay, but maybe all that means is that your soul’ll have to do a little healing before you can go through that door.”

“That’s… okay?”

“Of course, darlin’, it’s perfectly okay to not be ready,” She said, “But, if you’d be wanting some help - and maybe something to do with your time - whilst you work towards it, I know a couple of lovely people who would be more than happy to help you out, if you wanted to tag along?”

“Oh, no,” Virgil said, waving his hands, “I don’t want to be a bother-”

“You won’t be a bother, sweetpea,” She reassured, waving him off, “I was heading down anyway, I’ve got a pie to deliver, see?”

Sure enough, where Virgil hadn’t noticed before, she held a decorated cake box under one arm.

“...Okay then, if you’re sure?” Virgil said, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket as he watched her for confirmation. 

“Sure as sugar, I’m Judy, I darn forgot to introduce myself, you must think I’m awful rude,” She said as she started walking, Virgil quickly hurried to follow, not wanting to get lost in this maze of doors and paths. He couldn’t help but be glad to leave his own behind, for now. Like Judy said, he just had to wait until he was ready. 

“It’s fine,” Virgil waved his hand, “I’m Virgil.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Virgil,” said Judy, turning back to smile at them, “And rest assured no-one’s gonna judge you for taking as long as you need to accept your paradise, okay?”

“Okay,” Virgil said, nodding as he repeated those words in his head, he can do this, he just had to wait. It would be alright. 

Virgil was overwhelmed by it all as soon as they stepped through the archway into a giant hallway. People looked so different here - he could see not only every ethnicity and age he thought existed in the world but people… who didn’t look like any people they’d ever seen, with a rainbow of skin colours and a range of features they’d only ever seen in fantasy stories - horns, tails, wings, fangs, claws, animal like ears and hair in a plethora of styles and colours too. He couldn’t help the way he stuck close to Judy - the only familiar person in this bustle - as they made their way through.

They could hear hundreds of cut off conversations as they passed, he saw groups of people together who he’d never have seen interact back on earth - he saw a woman in medieval peasant’s clothes having a lively conversation with a butch goth. He saw gates and archways labelled with different places he’d only ever heard about or seen discussed online, gates that said they would take you to different places of afterlife from different religions - he saw the Greek underworld on the way, on top of another hallway that seemed to lead to places that weren’t such afterlife realms, he saw a coffee shop, a bakery, a gate that seemed to lead to a universal shopping mall…? He hurried to catch up to Judy, maybe he could explore all of this later, for now, he didn’t want to lose his guide. 

Eventually, he came to two gates with names he was much more familiar with, Heaven, and opposite that, Hell.

“I live up there in heaven,” Judy told him, snapping him out of the daze the crowd had put him in, as she pointed to the archway that shed light across the hallway, “So if you need to find me at any time, just ask around up there, okay?”

“I’m- allowed?” Virgil asked, “In- in heaven?”

“O’course you are,” She said, frowning, “You’re more than welcome in all of the paradise realms, even if you’re not ready to accept your own paradise just yet, but you don’t need to worry about that right now, ‘kay? You ready?”

“For what?” Virgil asked, glancing between the two gates.

“Meetin’ my work family, darlin’,” Judy said with a smile, waving for him to follow her towards Hell’s gate. He paused, wavering. He’d always been told to ‘go to hell’, but he never expected to actually be standing before it, even if he was apparently just visiting. It was intimidating, to say the least, the lobby looked huge, from what he could see from here, and he could hear the distant screaming from inside. He could see souls filing in, most looking disappointed or upset, some angry or arrogant. What if he got stuck after he went in - finding out he was really meant to be here all along, and the paradise was just a cruel joke? What if Judy’s family hated him, or judged him like she said they wouldn’t? What if all of this was a massive trick?

“You’ll be alright,” Judy said, turning back to him as though she could read their mind, “Trust me, no-one will even think to bother you if you’re with me.”

Virgil took a deep breath, before forcing his feet to move. They didn’t know how true that statement was - he definitely didn’t yet know how terrifying Judy could be - but some part of him seemed to know he could trust her. 

Judy led him swiftly through the lobby of Hell, avoiding the main lines of souls and the demons milling about the space. As they went, demons and souls alike turned to look at him, though the demons seemed to see Judy with him and immediately go back to what they were busy with - most of them directing souls to where they should be, some were having their own conversations - whilst the souls continued to stare until they had passed. 

He pulled his hood up, hunching their shoulders. Virgil really wasn't a fan of all the eyes on their back. 

"You'll be okay darlin'," Judy reassured once again, obviously noticing the way they were hiding, "I know its overwhelming at first, but you'll get comfortable in no time at all, here we are,"

Virgil looked at the desk in front of him, and as he took in the desk itself along with everyone sat and stood behind it, he felt his eyes widen in what felt a little like wonder. 

The front of the desk read "Hellp Desk" and underneath that: "fuck around and find out," Virgil couldn't help cracking a small smile at that, at least these people had a sense of humour. 

A whole host of people were sitting behind the desk, most of whom were engaging in their own conversations. Only one was actually talking to a soul over the desk, and the other who was sat down immediately turned upon seeing them approach. 

"Hi, Judy!" She said - a tall woman with red hair wearing a hoodie featuring a logo he was almost certain he'd seen before, but couldn’t place no matter how much he thought about it, "Who's this?" 

"Hi," Virgil said, awkwardly waveing although his hand was tucked into his hoodie sleeve. 

"Hey kid," She said, smiling as she cocked her hip and tapped her nails on the coffee cup she was holding, "You… don’t look like you’re meant to be down here? What's up?" 

"Um," Virgil started, "No, I uh- I'm supposed to have a paradise, but…" 

He trailed off, feeling his face redden as he retreated further into his hoodie.

"Want me to tell her, sugar?" Said Judy, Virgil breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sure," Virgil said, scuffing his foot on the ground.

"Alright," Judy said, "Well, I was just on my way back down from visiting Penny up in paradise and I found this dear standing outside his door, he told me he's struggling with accepting his paradise, so I thought I’d bring him down here to see you all." 

"Ah," Lily nodded, before smiling at Virgil and offering her hand to shake, "I get it, we've had a few situations like that down here, I’m Lily, you?" 

"Virgil," Virgil said, before taking a breath and shaking her hand, "He/they pronouns, please." 

"Got it," Lily nodded, "So, how about I introduce you to everyone?"

----

General tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @reptilianrapscallion420 @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)

Hell's Belles AU tags: @awitchbravestheverge @twoalpacas @goldnskyart @anxious-mess19 @doteddestroyer

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[ineffably-ryuu]

The first chapter of my post canon fix it fic is finally out. This fic means the world to me, so I appreciate any reviews, reblogs, etc. The AO3 is linked below, or you can continue after the readmore. Thank you to everyone who has waited and supported me during this fic, especially my betas! The second chapter will be done soon. 💜

dream a little Dream (of Him)

Chapter 1/2: In Your Dreams

Words: 1897

Rated: General Audiences

Relationships: Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Hob Gadling (QPR); The Endless & Hob Gadling; The Corinthian & Hob Gadling

Warnings: COMIC SPOILERS, Canon Character Death -> Noncanon Character Undeath/Temporary Character Death

Summary:

Hob sleeps, and he dreams of his Stranger’s farewell and final gift.

Hob wakes, and there is a bottle of wine on his bedside table and the stench of death in his nose.

Hob sleeps, and he dreams of his Friend’s wake, his own chance to say farewell.

Hob wakes, and his Friend’s sister meets him and tells him the stories behind one more he has loved and lost.

Hob sleeps, and he dreams of walking side by side with his Friend along endless shores one more time.

Hob wakes, and thinks of how a thousand dreamers once changed the world and changed his Friend along with it.

Well then. Only 999 more to go, and all the time in the world left.

“Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me / While I'm alone and blue as can be / Dream a little dream of me”

Six-and-some centuries ago, Hob Gadling was born both too much for this world and not nearly enough.

He was born the second child of three, the only son, and thus the best suited to working the fields and learning how to provide for his family. He was also born with the shadows of famine still fading and a layer of frost upon the ground even in summer, yet another hungry mouth to feed for a starving family.

The blacksmith’s son shunned him after the heat of summer had passed, something unsettled in his eyes whenever he met Hob’s from then on out. The baker’s daughter turned him down on the spot, citing that she was quite content with what she had and that there was nothing more he could offer. When the Black Death came, he survived when they did not, clinging to life so tightly that Death merely passed him by with a rueful smile.

His determination was not enough to save his sisters, their bodies pale and cold to the touch where they lay in his own bed. It certainly had not been enough to help his parents, burned and buried by his own hands almost a fortnight previous.

When at last Hob left the town he had grown up in, he did so alone, nothing more than a stolen horse and whatever he could carry in hand… and the assurance that their owners were six feet too deep to protest. With little more than fifteen years of life for guidance and a fire beginning to blaze behind him in the ruins of his home, Hob Gadling set out to face the world for the first time.

It was that day he had first noticed it, the beast that caused the flicker of unease in the smith’s son, that kept his family’s bones visible just beneath their skin even as he grew taller and stronger - far taller than any other in town, even the men. Hob thought that everyone had one, something that they kept buried in themselves. Even nearly 700 years later, he still thinks that.

And yet.

Maybe Hob’s was a little different. A little hungrier. It wrapped around his head and his guts and his heart, squeezing and shifting and growing until he could feel its presence beside his with every breath, every swing of his sword and pitcher of ale. It lived there, the pang of hunger and growing pains, the ache of shifting organs and muscles stretching until they rip. Everyone had something inside. But a beast lived in Hob Gadling, lazy and greedy and so, so hungry it would devour everything, right up until it started eating its own tail.

And then everything had changed, that night in what had been a random tavern in 1389. He hadn’t known it then, hadn’t understood the tug in his chest or the burning in his gut, but the beast inside him had. It had released its own tail and latched onto the memories of his Stranger, his Friend, onto the acknowledgment of this wonderful gift, this glorious life, he had been given.

For all the years that passed, for all the wonder and tragedy, he had never once felt well and truly alone ever since. Had not felt the gnawing need for something, someone, more. He hungered, yes, but never starved, not even after a century in the gutter. Not even with his own guts splattered across a battlefield, or with his love(s) lying stiff and cold in his arms.

No matter how dark and tragic and terrible it got, Hob Gadling had always had a spark of hope, even before he met his Stranger, even before he was gifted eternal life by this being straight from a storybook, hair like night and bone-white skin adorned with a crimson ruby like a splash of freshly spilled blood upon the snow. And that’s how it had felt, for years. Almost like a fairy tale - one of the tales of old.

If he lived long enough. If he just kept going. Then at the end of the century, he would have a friend for just one night. He would never be entirely alone because someone was always waiting for him. As long as he lived long enough, things could always get better.

Even with nothing, he had one thing - one person - that no other did. No other that he knew of, anyway. Even with nothing, it was enough.

Life was so rich.

And it still was. As far as Hob Gadling was concerned, it always would be.

It was just a little poorer now.

There still was someone, technically. A woman who had introduced herself as his Stranger’s - his Friend’s - elder sister, who between one blink and the next shifted from someone familiarly pale-skinned and messily dark-haired to a dark-skinned woman with tight curls.

Both had the same kind, black eyes, and it was those he recognized the most.

She was the one who confirmed his fears, that what he had seen as he lay asleep that night was more than just a dream. Or not more, exactly, but both a dream and reality.

It was all a bit much for him, to be honest.

But that didn’t matter. The important part was the message, that what he had seen and felt was true, that his Friend was no more. Her face was sad when she spoke, her eyes distant. Hob didn’t know if she had noticed his lack of surprise or if she had thought anything of it.

He had already known, as soon as he awoke. He knew as soon as he opened his eyes and felt his once-tamed beast open its own, knew as soon as he felt the twist of his intestines as his mind began to race, a dog chasing its own tail, the serpent at last biting it to close the loop. There were bruises across his knuckles from a blow thrown in a dream, against a fucking centaur of all beings.

Hob had already known the truth. He just hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it.

But that option was lost to him, now.

Some part of him was gone. There was a hollowed-out section beneath his ribs, a chamber of crystalline salt from dried tears that pierced his heart with each beat, that blocked and constricted his blood until it felt like he would burst from all the bottled-up grief. A dam on the edge of breaking, a monster of the deep on the verge of being woken by a storm. Or perhaps it was the cause of the storm, or even the storm itself.

Hob didn’t know. He felt like he didn’t quite know anything, anymore.

He was missing something. Someone had taken some part of him. He wasn’t just missing Morpheus - for that was his Friend’s name, his name that he had only learned after his Friend’s death, that was his Friend - he was missing himself. Missing from himself.

For all his injuries and should-have-been deaths, Hob Gadling had always recovered. Blown-off limbs, crushed ribs, and rivers of spilled blood had always fixed themselves to good as new.

He had never before lost a part of himself that he couldn’t get back. He didn’t know how to deal with it.

He especially didn’t know how to deal with the fact that this was the part he lost. This piece that he hadn’t even known he could lose until it was too late.

Hob knows more about his Stranger, his Friend - Dream of the Endless, Morpheus - from his sister than his Friend himself. He had fought long not to let the lack of knowledge bother him, contented himself with epithets and titles when the lack of name pressed on him too heavily. Morpheus had smiled at their last meeting when Hob had asked. Just a tiny quirk of the lips that tugged a bit too much to the right to be completely innocent.

“Perhaps next time,” he had said. “Perhaps next time, you will guess it yourself.”

The next time they met, Hob hadn’t even realized it was real. The next time they met, it was in a dream.

It wasn’t the first time he had lost someone without being able to say goodbye. Far from it, really. But it was the first time he hadn’t even known there was someone to say goodbye to . Had only known that something was wrong, that he feared for his Friend’s life for the first time. When he had woken in a cold sweat, he had sought comfort in Gwen’s arms and assured himself that it was just a nightmare.

Gwen was gone now, too.

The bottle of wine still remained.

******************************************************

When Hob slept that night, he dreamt of his Friend and a somehow familiar stranger. They walked along an endless beach, shoulder to shoulder. The sand shifted as they walked, sun-warmed and silky smooth. The broad man to his left laughed as Hob stumbled, both him and his Friend chuckling as Hob dusted the dirt off his knees.

Hob had never heard his Friend laugh before. It was terrible. It was wonderful.

Morpheus’ hand was cool against his as he pulled Hob up, the smile upon his lips softer and more unbalancing than the sand beneath his feet. Neither of them let go as they continued walking.

When Hob woke, the scent of the sea still lingered in the air and his hand was strangely cool beneath the covers.

He promptly curled into a ball, tugged the covers over his head, and sobbed what remained of his heart out.

It was hours later that the thought hit him, face buried in an uncomfortably warm and damp pillow. The sheets were tangled and sweltering around him, an entire tissue box used and discarded somewhere on the floor.

Hob surged out of bed with the adrenaline it brings, scrambling to grab the bottle of wine resting on his dresser. He never had got around to drinking it, never quite made the time to take it down to the kitchen or the pantry or the wine storage either.

The bottle was there the same as he remembered, perhaps a bit dustier than before. The liquid shone a purple so dark it was almost black as Hob holds it in his hands, tilting it under the light. He could hear the slight swish of the wine against the glass as it rolled between his palms, trace the edges of the label and seal with his fingers. Could feel the weight of it in his grasp.

Solid. Real. And all from a dream.

Death had told him many stories about her little brother, who he was in both function and personality. Among them, she had included how he gained the title of the King of Cats, how in one world, cats had been the rulers, before a thousand people had come together and dreamed so fervently that the world itself changed in response.

A thousand dreamers to change the world.

Hob wondered how many it would take to change his - their - world.

Well then. One down, 999 - at least? - more to go. No matter.

They had all the time in the world. Hob would make sure of it.

[slasherrabbitmadness]

Victorian DILF Brahms x Female Reader

Series: Don't forget who you belong to.

Chapter 2 - Give me your answer, do

Underthecut - NSFW, Male Masturbation, Oral - Male Receiving.

Brahms sat idly in his living room, leaning back in his large leather recliner. Feet shuffling along the Egyptian carpet, thumbs twiddling as he hums Daisy Bell by Harry Dacre,

"I'm half crazy, all for the love of you." He smiles as he thinks of her. How her hair shines in the sun, like a halo above her head. Her eyes sparkling whenever she laughs, how the corner of her eyes crinkles ever so slightly. How her smile makes his heart skip a beat.

Brahms sucks in a breath, his hum-singing continues, "There are bright lights the dazzling eyes of beautiful Daisy Bell." He sits up straight, eyes on the unlit fireplace, the gold gate held an ornate Chinese dog welded on the front. He looks above the fireplace to the mantel, the rows of photos in their ash wood frames.

His face is stern as he glances at a particular photo. He, a half-smile as his hand rests on his son's shoulder. Lawrence when he was a boy of eight. Lawrence's other shoulder had a delicate white hand upon it. Gerti, her lips dark with her favourite shade of lipstick, her slight freckles littered her face, her silky blonde hair up in a beautiful age-appropriate bun.

His hum-singing fades as he continues to stare, the family photo, the family in the photo appearing as sharp and elegant as their social standing. That day, Gerti had scolded him all morning, her eyes wide and glossy, her alabaster skin held a blue and yellow hue under her eyes. Her fingers were cold and clammy.

"For the love of everything, Brahms, hurry for once." Brahms flinches as he can still hear her screeching, "Lawrence, get the cat's paw out of your mouth and stop pulling its tail!" He chuckles,

"I miss that cat," Brahms laughs to himself. Never one for pets but how that scraggly little beast could make his son laugh in the most jovial way, warmed him greatly.

His amused grin falls as his eyes lock with Gerti's. Grabbing the photo, his thumb ghosts over her image, remembering how once soft her skin was. His stomach churns as a chill seeps into his bones, shaking him in his spot.

He places the family photo back on the mantle, right next to a photo of her. Her hands grasping each other, face tilted slightly, a timid smile upon her face. "Sir, I don't need my photo taken!"

"Y/n, as my employee of a year, you are practically family." Brahms let out a shaky breath as his mind replays the conversation. "And you may call me, Brahms. You address Gerti by her full name."

"Gerti and are intimate in ways that have allowed us to be close."

"Pray tell may I watch these intimate moments?" His cheeky reply had cost him an ear full from his wife when she had found out. Brahms still never understood why women used such charged words to describe a close friendship.

Brahms left the living room, a stirring in his gut had him heave. He wanted to call upon her for aid, 'Fetch me a water with some ice, and actually bring some black tea and one of our lemons from Italy.' he clears his throat at the thought of dryness being washed back by the cold refreshment.

He had given her a few hours a week for personal time. Free to be spent however she pleased. Ever since the death of his wife and Lawerence attending Rugby School for Boys she had more free time. Much to Brahms immense displeasure.

Brahms had taken to stalking her on her days off. Wanted to see what she got up to. Where she went and specifically with who. He would linger twenty feet behind, always darting behind stalls and other tall men to hide, he even took to wearing a coat that he kept hidden in hopes she would not recognize him further.

He stared in amazement at how well she helped an old lady onto the trolley all the while juggling her belongings, refusing a 'tip' "It's the nice thing to do." in reference to helping others.

His cheeks flushed whenever she stopped to smell the flowers, literally. A quaint smile as she turned down the offer for a free one from the vendor. She often stopped to sniff the white and yellow flowers. He had noticed Daisys were her favorite.

He seethed when one day you were stopped by a handsome Youngman, his tall lean frame stood confidently as his dark brown eyes held a softness as they looked down at you. He had overheard the name in a distinctly American accent, "Dan, yeah I'm studying medicine with my colleague, I'd introduce you but..." He hated that you always walked near the campus, hated all the young men eager, too eager to chat up a single young lady.

Dan had never gotten farther than chaste conversations and one quick feather-light kiss on her cheek.

Brahms wondered if he should up and move, just to be a little further away from the university, away from the young men, away from one of them stealing her away. She was his, he had just yet to convince her. Ask her, even bring it up in any conceivable way.

One occasion made the blood sear in his veins. He should have been more away, should have been more vigilant of this Dan fellow. He watched from a distance as Dan rounded the corner and collided with her. His tall body fell over hers, his hand had just managed to catch the back of her head, softening to the blow to the ground.

"Oh, God! I am so sorry!" Dan's eyes wide in shock, "Oh, I'm so sorry."

She laughed, "No, no, it's fine," Brahms gritted his teeth.

"No, it's not." Dan pulled himself and her up, his hand holding her in a firm grasp. "I am so sorry." He scratched the back of his head, his expression doleful.

"Accidents happen." She assured, grabbing his hand still wrapped around hers. " It's okay Dan."

"You remember me!" Dan's brown eyes lit up. A Radiant smile over his face as he stepped closer to her.

Brahms seethed as the scene played out before him. She smiled, he smiled. She laughed, he laughed. The words between the two began to fall effortlessly between them both.

He watched despondently. How she could let herself relax so easily in another man's presence. How her demeanor shifted around Dan. Those stiff shoulders eased themselves as Dan placed his hand on her shoulder and winked.

Brahms cursed, the university's chapel bell rang out. Every thunderous clang shot through Brahms. Every clang was a reminder he had another place to be. The dreaded desk in the dreaded little corner of his office.

He turned one last time, eyes watched as she smiled with a warmth he'd never seen, how she leaned into Dan as his smile shined bright.

Brahms walks up to his maid's room, thanking Gerti for installing a sense of comfort in Y/N as to never locking the door.

He jiggles the door handle, "Hm..." Again, "Weird," his eyes narrow, "Bloody thing is locked." He jostles the handle, "Bloody woman..."

Click

"Ah, there we are." He hums in approval as the door creaks open. Forever grateful for the previous owner teaching him how to easily unlock a door in the house without a key "Rickety ol' tings" Brahms mocked the man's heavy accent.

He inhales as he enters her room. The simple little abode warmed his heart. Her bed and the nightgown left upon it stirred his loins. He walks to the bed, grabs the nightgown, bringing it to his nose, he growls as he inhales, her natural scent lingered on the garment.

Brahms holds the garment in his teeth as he shucks off his pants, freeing his painfully erect cock. The thoughts whirl in his mind as he plops onto her bed, sighing with content as he sinks down into the mattress and a sneer as he grips his cock.

The same bed she slept, where when the night calls for it, he knew she'd sleep naked. "Fuck..." He growls through the nightgown, ripping it from his mouth to place it over his chest. Her bed, her bed where she no doubt has touched herself, even if briefly in a beautiful sinful manner.

Does she shy away as she dipped those delicate little fingers into her dripping pussy? Does she bite her cheek to stifle her pitchy moans when that jolt of pleasure shot through her?

Brahms collects some spit in his large hand, sucking in a breath as his cold spit touches his cock. His hand pumps eagerly around his thick member, a low groan as the image of her crawling up to him floods his mind. He sighs as he pictures it as her hand gripping him, gasping at how large it is,

"Brahms, my fingers can't even wrap around it!"

"That's okay, love, use those pretty little lips and that wet little tongue to help you."

"What if my make-up smears?"

"Oh, love, that's what I want." Brahms throws his head back, thumb circling his swollen head, picturing it as her delicate wet little tongue. He grips himself harder as he swears he can feel her lips wrap around his cock.

His low groans and breathy moans fill her little room, her name falling from his lips, "So beautiful, Y/N. My love, so perfect, mhm, yes, further down your throat, moaning around it."

Brahms breathing hitches as he pictures her, clawing at his chest as tears prick the corner of her eyes, "I'm a little nervous," She says as she rubs her glistening pussy, inches over his leaking cock.

"You got this, my love." Brahms keens,

"Will it fit, Brahms?..." She bites her lip, a hand groping her beautiful chest.

"My love, just relax, I have you." He pictures gripping her hip to ease her down onto him, gripping his cock as he imagines her warm pussy gripping him.

Audible slaps from the fisting of his cock, mixing with his now desperate pleas and moans fill her room. She's on top of him, her chest flushed against his, she's commenting on how she loves the feel of his hairy chest, praised-filled moans as she comments on his pecs flexing under her.

Brahms bucks his hips into his hand, "Hold you close." He moans as he pictures rolling on top of her, her legs wrapping around his lower half, arms pulling him in close, whispering in his ear,

"Brahms cum in me, cum in me, make me yours." He grips squeeze around his cock, imaging it's her pussy clenching around him, "I love you, Brahms."

He hisses as his body shakes, muscles flexing, toes curling as he snarls out his release. The image of her accepting his seed sends heat washing over him. His cock pulses in his grip, his cum spraying over her nightgown, the remaining spilling down his fingers and cock.

His temples pulse, his ears ringing. His toes unfurling as his legs ceased in their shakes. He squeezes his cock a few more times, hearing her breathlessly thanking him, "It's so warm in me. Thank you, Brahms." He swears he can feel her nuzzling into his chest as if she was there.

Brahms coughs as he sits up, shaking his head as he gingerly throws his legs over the side, placing his feet on the door. The nightgown falls over his cock. He snorts, using it to clean himself. He stands up, placing the nightgown where he had found it. A wicked and mischievous grin spreads over his face at the thought of her wearing his spent at night.

He grunts as he retrieves his trousers, pulling them up in haste, tucking his chub back in. A content sigh as he eyes the bed and nightgown. She wouldn't be sleeping alone for much longer.

Brahms snaps his attention to the trill of his front doorbell. He clicks his tongue as he makes haste to the door. He debates on if he has time to properly clean his hand, decides to just wear a fancy white-glove he leaves, conveniently, near the front door instead.

"Coming! My Maid is out currently," He sucks in a breath as he pulls a glove over his right hand, he cocks his head quickly before opening the door. "Sorry, it'd have been answered sooner...who are you?"

Brahms stared down at the short man before him. His brown hair combed expertly to the side, his brows immaculate under his thick glasses. He wore a glowering expression, his lips in a tight line.

The man clears his throat, "Herbert, Herbert West." Brahms makes note of his American accent, "I believe this paper is for the lady of this residence." Herbert whips the paper in front of him, his expression changing to say "Well, hurry and take it!"

"Mr. West."

"Herbert."

"Herbert, If by Lady you mean, Gerti? She passed awa-"

"I don't mean your dead wife."

Brahms's eyes narrow at Herbert. He opens his mouth the speak.

"I mean, Y/n. She is the only lady living here. So Dan tells me."

Brahms's jaw slackens, "Dan." He says more to himself.

"Yes, it's an invitation to a formal at the university. He already invited her. Just wanted to make sure she got all the details, it's all there on the paper." Herbert whips it again in front of Brahms.

Brahms yanks the paper from Herbert, eyes scanning it wildly.

University of London

Residents of Handel Mansions we formally invite you to bring along the most beautiful dame for the start of our fall formal.

September 28th, 1900

Entrance fee 1 pound, with a beautiful dame on your arm the fee is waved.

Brahms stares back at Herbert who pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Well," Herbert begins, "I figured be best to drop it off for Dan. He's been awfully busy." He flashes a smile to Brahms as he turns, "Dan also says to let Y/n know he wishes her luck at her new job on Robitaille's farm." He turns back around to Brahms, "Oh, it was nice meeting you, Mr.?"

Brahms pauses, clearing his throat, "Brahms Heelshire."

Herbert clicks his tongue, "I knew that." He walks down the stairs, a pep in his step, "Was nice meeting you Mr. Heelshire."

Brahms stares at the short man walking away, nodding to a man walking past. He turns back around, slamming the door behind in, the frame shook.

He stares down at the paper, eyes reading it over and over again. "A formal." He starts, "That Dan..." His breath catches in his chest, "A job?" he questions aloud.

He collapses against his door, slumping over as he crunches the paper in his hands. His thoughts raced to her, cursing himself for not intervening that day she ran into Dan. Wishing he just took the reprimand from his employer and raced in to shove Dan away from you. Creating some fantastical lie as to why he was suddenly there.

Brahms's thoughts slip to his son. Lawrence, his green eyes shine whenever he and Y/n play. He hugs her like he did his mother. How y/n always promises to play with him, tuck him at night. How were you going to tuck him in if you were to be away? How were you going to be there to kiss his little cheek as he falls asleep?

"How are you going to be there for me?"

[taestefully-in-luv]

The Island | KTH (Eight)

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, very slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au, roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Word Count: 10.7k

Warnings: swearing, sexual tension (?) mentions of sex, someone gets punched by someone,

Notes: Enjoy this chapter guys:) Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist, or send an ask if just want to chat about the stories!:)

Taglist: @ggukkieland @707sblog @peacedreamer14 @dopedreamfireparty @everythingnamjoon @taebae19 @typicalgenzworld @mooniyooni @helenazbmrskai @justinetingball @jpeachytaev @marplest @calling-dips-on-j-hope @lecavivien @fancycollectormoon @mawwnsterr

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room you are in is as cold and empty as you feel. The one single table with 3 chairs, 2 on one side and the one you are currently occupying across from them. The room feels chilling like ghosts haunt it. Maybe they do, you think. The silence is truly deafening and the wait for these 2 other chairs to be filled makes you anxious. It’s been a few months since you have been back here and it makes you uncomfortable each time but you know little by little you are receiving answers.

Finally, after a long wait the heavy door to the room screeches open. And in comes a man and woman in professional clothing—he in a suit and the woman in a dress suit. They smile at you awkwardly like they feel pity. They both pull out their chair and take a seat.

“Have you found it yet? The island?” you’re quick to blurt out and they nervously look at one another before frowning.

“It isn’t that easy unfortunately Miss y/l/n. We’ve been in search of this company for over 50 years.” The woman taps her fingers on the table. “We have yet to find them or this island you speak of.”

You can’t help the scoff that escapes you as you roll your eyes to the side.

“What kind of intel agency is this? You can’t even find some lame ass fucking love company.” You spit out.

The man hardens his eyes at you as he takes a long, deep breath. Obviously trying to gather his patience.

“Here’s what we do know.” He begins. “They tapped your home, your cell, all of your accounts and spied on you for over a year. Doing their…” he pauses, biting his lip. “Research…”

“And drugged you and your parents the night of the kidnapping.” The woman picks up where he left off, “And then they drugged you again to return you home and also your parents…assuming so it wasn’t to wake them while they were in your home…” she gulps…she understands how invasive this all is.

“You didn’t think to set up cameras around my parent’s house? For when they would return me? You didn’t think to keep an eye—”

“We did.” The man clears his throat, “But they….” He drags his hand down his tired face, “This company is smart. They obviously know what they are doing. The night of your return the cameras we had set up miraculously stopped working.”

You can’t help the laughter that erupts from your body. You begin shaking your head in disbelief, your laughter dying when you realize how serious this is.

“This is fucking bullshit.” You say with a tight lip smile. “Anyway…do you…do you guys…did you look into what I asked of you?” your eyes slide to the side as you nervously pull at the ends of your hair.

“The man you were with? Kim Taehyung…yes, we looked into it. We have been working with Korea’s intel in hopes to solve this case. He has been working together with them. I cannot release any personal information though.” The woman eyes her partner and her frown deepens. “Miss y/l/n…I know this is difficult and you two have been through a lot together. But I am sure you can find a way to reach out—”

“I just wanted to know how he is doing is all.” You cut her off, “It’s fine.”

~~~~~

You stare at the letter in your hands, it’s an off white color and the font in quite fancy. Your parents let you see it a few weeks after you returned home but every night you take it in your hands and stare at it. Not knowing how to take it. The company sent it to them the day you disappeared…explaining the company’s goals. They sent photos of you and Taehyung every week to prove you were alive and well. Your parents said this is what kept them sane…trusting you were okay because they couldn’t—wouldn’t accept any other reality.

Your heart aches thinking of what your parents must have been through but not just them…your sister found out through your mom and dad about the situation and she grew so worried without you. When she found out you were returned home she immediately came to you, sobbing in your arms and hasn’t left you since.

You set the letter down and pick up the pile of photos on your night stand…it’s a thick stack. You begin shuffling through them and you feel like someone has stabbed you in the chest with a dull knife and they begin to carve your heart out. It’s slow and painful…they finally take your slow beating heart and squeeze it in their hands, blood spilling and spilling. Killing you.

Some photos are just of you but majority you are accompanied by Taehyung and seeing his smiling face makes you relieve the experience of getting your heart carved out of your chest.

You glance up at your ceiling as tears begin building in your eyes, you try to blink them back, your eyes opening and closing repeatedly. But it’s no use, not when you feel this lost and hopeless. Suddenly, there is knocking on your bedroom door and your father is walking in.

“Ready sweetie? Got the rest of your things?” He steps into the room, a worried expression on his face but he tries to hide it behind a forced smile. “We should get going.”

You quickly sniffle and nod your head, shoving the stack of photos and letter into your backpack before you’re swinging it over your shoulders.

“Yup, ready.”

It’s moving day. Thankfully you found another job in your old town that you lived in, you found a new, better apartment that is close to where you use to live, you finally are getting out of your parents hair.

“Alright let’s get this show on the road!” your dad pats you on the back as you walk past him. He’s got the truck loaded and ready to go for the couple hour drive. Back to the city!

~

“This place is so much nicer than your last!” Your sister sets a box down on your new kitchen counter, “You actually have a decent sized kitchen! Not that you really cook.” She laughs.

“Hey!” you whine, “I told you I learned quite a bit of cooking while on the island.”

“You also told me that your boyfriend cooked a lot too…so I’ll just assume he did all the work.” She teases and your face falls.

“He isn’t my boyfriend.” Your lips curls so far down that it’s almost comical but alas, it is not because you feel your eyes sting.

“Sorry…” your sister walks to the living room, joining you. She reaches for the box in your arms and sets it down on the floor. “y/n…just message him.”

“…I can’t.” you feel your chest start to burn, “The way things got left…I don’t know how to speak to him.” you admit. “and it’s been so long. If he hasn’t already moved on then he at least hates my guts.”

“Yeah I probably would too.” Your sister nods her head and you swat her arm.

“Thanks Ellie.” You deadpan. “Anyway, I just can’t.”

“He is probably waiting for you…he loves you.”

“You don’t know him?” you laugh quietly, “So how would you know?”

“I’ve seen the pictures of you two, in the moment pictures, and dude, he looks so taken with you in every single one.”

You can’t help the way your heart drops to your stomach. You told him you thought your feeling may not be real…those are some of your last words to him and that kills you. Without a doubt he has had to have moved on from you…why would he torture himself?

~

Later that night you are snuggled up in your bed with your sister snoozing beside you. You have your phone (Damn you missed this device) and are scrolling through Taehyung’s Instagram. You notice he posted a new group photo just 4 hours ago. You look at all the tags and see all his friends…Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, Jimin and Jungkook. But there are also a few girls in the photo. You notice the tag for Hana. You hate that your heart completely stops beating in your chest then suddenly starts racing. Hana. He’s hanging out with Hana? Wait, why are you surprised? You take a deep breath and click her name to view her page and then that’s when your heart really stops. Her most recent photo is of her and Taehyung, their faces smooshed together with wide smiles on their faces with the caption “Missed you.” With pink hearts.

She’s pretty. Really fucking pretty. No wonder Taehyung liked her. Liked? Or likes? Are they together now? They look awfully close. You feel your eyes sting for the millionth time this day and they begin to bubble with tears. This is your fault. You pushed him away, so far away, into another woman’s arms. You start to feel lost and hopeless again…you decide stalking Taehyung through social media probably isn’t the healthiest thing for you or your heart. You continue scrolling on Hana’s page…she has lots of photos with friends, pretty Korean scenery, selfies and more. She looks lively and beautiful, oh so fucking beautiful.

You exit the app and click your phone off. You squeeze your eyes shut and a few pathetic tears that you do not deserve slide out and down your face. You really need to move on, you really need to focus on you. But how can you when a huge part of you feels like it’s been ripped from you? Taehyung was a part of you and you think he still is. You feel crushed, fucking crushed. He is probably with Hana now and you absolutely cannot blame him.

Taehyung is doing fine. Just fine. With or without you. And that reality is setting in and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But you have no one to blame but yourself.

“Why are you doing this, huh? Things were so perfect.” He stops in front of you and pulls you up by the arms. Your chests almost touch from how close you are. “Unless…” he looks down at his feet, “You’re saying all of this because that’s how you feel. You’re the one unsure of your feelings. You’re the one who only likes me—loves me—because there’s no one else.” He looks into your eyes, searching for an answer.

“Maybe.” You finally say. And you wish you didn’t because Taehyung releases a shaky breath and his brows crease together as he forms the saddest smile you have ever seen. The canvas of his life is full of beautiful bright colors but you continue to splatter blue and grey paint all over it. The paint mixes together and drips down, a gloomy mess.

“Oh.” He steps back. “I see.” He takes another step back, carding his fingers through his hair. He looks into your eyes as his gloss over, “I’ll leave you alone then.” And he turns around and walks out of the room, leaving you behind.

Why does this scene replay in your mind every single day. Every single night. His sad, sad expression leaving an ever lasting imprint in your mind. You feel broken, but you also feel angry. How dare the company send you back when you and Taehyung have so much to resolve? What is the purpose? What are their intentions? You ball the sheets in your hands as you release breath after frustrated breath. What was the point of all this? Somewhere deep in your gut you feel like this isn’t over. You feel like the company still has some ties to you…you can’t explain it…just a gut feeling.

To say you hate yourself is an understatement. You truly can’t stand to even look yourself in the mirror. You ruined the best thing that has ever happened to you—Taehyung. But you should be happy, right? He’s doing well. He has his friends, his family, Hana. He is absolutely 100% doing just fine and you have to accept that.

~~~~~

“You can’t live like this dude.” Namjoon throws a trash bag on to Taehyung’s bed, signaling him to use it.

“Yeah…Joon is right.” Jimin starts picking up some trash off the floor…mostly empty food containers. “This is getting out of hand. I know things haven’t been easy—”

Jimin is cut off with Taehyung groaning loudly and dramatically. He lifts his head off his pillow, his face evident with sleep as he eyes his two friends in his apartment.

“Get up.” Namjoon lightly kicks the bed with his foot, “And open a damn window or something.”

“And maybe take a shower. You reek of this hangover I am sure you have…” Jimin sits down on the edge of the bed, his hand going to Taehyung’s back, rubbing it soothingly. “She isn’t coming around Tae.” Jimin says as softly as possible, “She isn’t—”

“We don’t know that.” Taehyung cuts him off, grumbling. “She could.”

“You said it yourself, she isn’t sure of her feelings…why aren’t you letting it go?” Namjoon sits down on the bed as well.

“I know her.” Taehyung begins to sit up from his place in bed, his hand flying up to his pounding head. “Fuck. I’m hungover.” He complains.

“You went too hard last night.” Jimin frowns, “Again.”

“So what? You think she lied to you? That she does love you?”

“She was just scared.” Taehyung whispers. “Trust me, I know her.” He repeats again.

Jimin and Namjoon share a look of pity mixed with concern. Jimin stands from the bed, taking the trash bag with him, he opens it up and starts filling it with the garbage around the apartment. Taehyung just watches Jimin clean up and he starts to feel a sense of guilt. Maybe he has been a handful the last few months.

Taehyung is trying his best though.

The unfamiliar bed along with the unfamiliar room was indication enough that Taehyung was in a place without you. It only took him halves of seconds to realize he was in his parents’ home in their spare room. A place he didn’t frequent very often. But he understood his situation right away. The island returned him home to Korea but suddenly this place feels like the last place like home.

When he made his existence known to his mother and father they cried over and over for their son. His father going on about his regrets, how he wishes he would have supported Taehyung more in following his own dreams and so on. His mother wishing she had cooked his favorite meal more often. They basically took his disappearance on the island as his death. At least that’s how Taehyung sees it.

His parents’ received the letter as well, even the photographs. They know all about you. They know that Taehyung is in love, they know Taehyung heart aches. They know everything. They were honestly rooting for you two…they could see how much love went on between the two of you even through pictures.

But as the days went on, as the weeks went on and as the months went on, Taehyung started to feel like he is withering away with every day that passed that you did not reach out to him. Did your time on the island with him mean nothing to you? Even if you ‘maybe’ weren’t in love with him like you claimed you were still friends for god’s sake. You still without a doubt had a powerful connection.

Things have been hard. Really fucking hard. But nothing is harder than the day when the Korean intel agency notified him that you were good, that you were okay. That you were home. But they could not release any personal information. You were home…you were okay…but you still have not reached out? He’s relieved you’re well but that also comes with the disappointment that you are choosing to stay to yourself.

“Yoongi wants to work on that new song tonight, what do you say?” Namjoon stands from the bed as well and makes his way into the small kitchen for a glass of water.

“Not in the mood.” Taehyung mumbles underneath his breath.

“Listen Taehyung…” Namjoon walks back into the room, his hands crossed over his chest as he looks at Taehyung with narrowed eyes.

“If you’re serious about this, being with her, that is. Then fucking do something about it.” Namjoon continues to stare down at him while Jimin keeps cleaning.

“I don’t have her number, I can’t find her anywhere on the internet and I barely know where she lives. What the fuck can I do?” Taehyung grits out, raising his voice just the slightest as he talks.

“….There has to be something.” Jimin speaks up. “A clue.”

“A fucking clue? What are we? Fucking detectives?” Taehyung throws his hands up, frustrated.

“Jimin’s right.” Namjoon uncrosses his arms and runs a hand through his hair, “She must have mentioned something, anything. You have to think.”

“You think I have the mental capability to think right now?” Taehyung questions with a bitter chuckle. “She doesn’t do much. She never mentioned some grand event she goes to every year, she didn’t mention what school she went to, she didn’t mention what company she worked for, she didn’t fucking mention anything. She stays to herself.” Then Taehyung’s eyes go wide.

“You know I use to go to this coffee place almost every single day. I miss it. That routine. It’s called ------------…a small, family owned shop. Only one of its kind. I would read, write, journal. Just relax. Every day.” You breathe out, missing your comfort spot.

Taehyung rushes to stand from the bed, he is quick to scoop Jimin up in his arms and place a dramatic kiss to his cheek.

“Jimin you fucking genius!” Taehyung suddenly remembered the night you had a panic attack. When you calmed down enough to speak you told him all the things you missed about your real life. Including some coffee place you would frequent on the regular. But he cannot remember the name of it for the life of him.

“What? What?” Jimin starts giggling, “Why?”

“A coffee shop! She used to go to a coffee shop!” Taehyung basically yells in excitement.

“Okay, what’s it called?” Namjoon smiles and immediately Taehyung expression turns sour.

“I…I don’t remember. But it was family owned, only one of its kind.”

Namjoon can’t help the frown that decorates his face but then he tries to smile.

“Better start doing your research lover boy.”

~

“Cozy Coffee. It’s in (Your city).” Taehyung slams a sheet of paper onto the bar top in front of Namjoon. “I found it.”

“What’d you find?” Jin asks from besides him, “Wait that place y/n goes to?”

Taehyung nods his head quickly with a wide ass smile adoring his face.

“Yup.”

“Now what, kid?” Yoongi brings his beer to his lips as he takes a generous sip. “You going to call that place and ask for her?” he laughs a little.

“No.” Taehyung straightens his back as he speaks. “I’m going there.”

“You’re…” Hobi begins but stops when he sees how serious Taehyung is.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Jungkook starts shaking his head. “This girl—”

“y/n.” Taehyung snaps.

“Right…” Jungkook gulps. “y/n…she ignores you these last 6 months and you are still trying to be with her?”

All of the boys share looks with one another, frowns on everyone’s faces.

“Jungkook is right—”

“Tae told her he would do whatever it takes…he also believes in her feelings. So let’s believe in him.” Jimin cuts in, his hand going to Taehyung’s shoulder and giving him a smile.

“Jimin is right…” Namjoon breathes out, “Let’s trust in our Taehyungie.”

“But don’t forget what she did to you Taehyung.” Jungkook whispers seriously. “You weren’t okay…”

Another day passes and still, nothing from you. Taehyung brings yet another bottle of soju to his mouth as he starts downing it. He feels his world collapsing around him. He feels how everything around him is cracking and breaking apart. But the most cracked, broken thing is him. He looks at himself in the mirror and stares into his empty eyes, these same eyes that used to gaze at you. These same eyes that saw your smile, laugh, cry. These same eyes that undressed you. These same eyes that saw you coming undone over and over. These same eyes.

Taehyung chugs back his drink, his eyes never leaving his reflection as he finishes the bottle. He made a mistake tonight, a drunken mistake but a mistake nonetheless. He slept with Hana. Taehyung, the boys and Hana and her girlfriends were all at the bar tonight and he just doesn’t see her that way. Yet, he was inside her just an hour ago. He slowly closes his eyes, regret and guilt filling his entire being. What the fuck did he do?

His life is all over the place, a mess, if you will. A big, fat messy mess. He got a new apartment, leaving his parents’ house and he doesn’t think he has cleaned it even once since moving in. He drowns in alcohol, he drowns in unfinished songs, he drowns in his friends concerns and mostly? He drowns in you.

He stares at your photographs an unhealthy amount. He has cried over your photos countless times, he has touched himself to them too. Somehow that is more satisfying than the sex he just shared with Hana. The empty fuck he just gave her haunts him in this very mirror. Did he betray you? Have you also fucked someone new? Have you moved on?

Taehyung stares at himself, hating what he sees. You’re doing this to him. He went from being miserably depressed to angry. He’s beginning to blame you for everything with rage. But as much as he wants to hate you—he does want to—he just can’t. He can’t gather that type of energy in your direction. He just can’t.

Hana looks very pretty tonight…she’s been trying extra hard lately, Taehyung thinks. She is always casually got a hand on his arm, she always finds a way to be standing next to him, talking to him, leaning into him. Taehyung isn’t stupid. She wants him still. She apparently dated during the 8 months he was gone but nothing serious came from it. And now here she is, sleeping on his bed as he drinks by himself in his bathroom mirror.

So many different thoughts have gone through Taehyung’s head. Is he hard to love? That’s the main question that came out of all of this. You spent every day with him for 8 months and you weren’t even sure of your feelings. Shouldn’t a person know by then? He’s trying to be understanding…he is trying so fucking hard to understand but how can he? When he is balls deep in love with you and he doesn’t have to question it at all.

He is spiraling, he is being sucked into a darkness that he can’t crawl out of. He looks at himself in the mirror again, his eyes narrowing at his own reflection—disgusted with what he sees. He grips the empty bottle of soju as he feels his eyes wet with tears. He grips on to the bottle harder and harder, tears now leaving his big brown eyes. He growls out, groaning in frustration as he lifts the bottle up and throws it at his mirror. Glass shattering everywhere.

Startled, Hana jumps from the bed and rushes to the loud sound, finding Taehyung just standing lifeless, continuing to eye himself in the broken mirror. He likes what he sees much better. The cracked glass making for a better reflection, a more accurate representation of what he truly sees when he views himself.

“What the fuck?!” Hana yells out, rushing to Taehyungs side. “Are you okay???”

Taehyung walks closer to the mirror and lightly slides his hand down the cracked mirror, his fingers careful not to get cut.

“No.” he answers honestly and quietly. “I’m not.”

“I’m fine, Jungkook.” Taehyung assures him, “At least I will be…when I see her.”

“What if she doesn’t want to see you?” Yoongi says quietly, worried for his friend. He brings his beer to the bar top and stares at the liquid.

“I’ll get to that when I get to that.” Taehyung sighs out…”I can’t let go of this until I know for sure.”

~~~~~~

Settling into your new job has been smooth, thankfully. It’s only been a few weeks but you can say you really like it. Your boss is an older woman, your coworkers seem nice and the work isn’t too taxing. Your apartment is starting to come together as well, only a few more boxes left to unpack. On the outside things are honestly going well…your life looks normal and put together. But on the inside you continue to fall apart.

“Come on!” Ellie whines, “Just give me one little, tiny, juicy detail.”

“Ew, no!” you laugh, “I have nothing to share!”

“Oh, bullshit.” Ellie takes a drag of her cigarette, blowing the smoke the other direction.

You two are sitting on your balcony, watching the evening sun set.

“You are trying to tell me you two didn’t fuck? Not even once?” Ellie gives you a knowing smile and you can’t help but laugh.

“Okay maybe once.”

“I call bullshit again.” Ellie starts to laugh, thrusting her hips forward theatrically, “I bet you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other.”

“Something like that.” You admit shyly.

“I don’t blame you. He looks so hot.” Ellie takes another puff of her cigarette. “What was he like in bed?”

“Ugh, Ellie.” You groan, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Afraid of getting horny thinking about it?” She chuckles and you roll your eyes.

“Fine, I’ll tell you one thing.” You hold one finger up, giving her a look that says you are serious. Ellie giggles, nodding her head in agreement.

“He’s…big.” You basically whisper.

“He’s what?”

“Shut up, you heard me.” You laugh, “First time I saw it he wasn’t even fully hard and I was impressed.” You smirk, feeling proud of Taehyung’s gorgeous dick.

“Damn girl. Nice.” Ellie nods in approval, “Did he know how to use it?”

“Ugh….yes.” you roll your eyes back, remembering the feel of his cock. “He did. Aaaannnd he is probably using it on his new girlfriend.” You sigh, feeling your heart break piece by piece in your chest.

“What? What do you mean???” Ellie puts her cigarette out in the ash tray, “New girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” You keep it short and simple. “Anyway, I really do not want to talk about him anymore.”

“…Yeah, okay. Sorry.”

You give your sister a sad, small smile and she returns it. You feel your phone buzz in your lap and you go to pick it up, you quite literally feel all the color drain from your face. Your heart stops completely. What the actual fuck? Why is he texting you? Him of all people?

~

Finally gathering the courage to buy his plane ticket, Taehyung begins packing for his trip. He got a roundtrip flight for one week. He has one week to find you. He’s starting to get nervous, really fucking nervous. He had all this confidence to do this but honestly? Over the last 6-7 months he has become quite insecure. You left him in shambles. He grew weak without you, he grew pathetic in his eyes.

“Make sure you bring plenty of underwear.” Jimin teases, helping Taehyung pack. “You never pack enough and somehow end up going commando.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Taehyung is too nervous to even joke around, he is too nervous to even look at Jimin—his best friend—for more than a second because he is afraid he is going to see right through him.

“You’re nervous.” Jimin blurts out and Taehyung opens his mouth in shock. But should he be? Jimin is his best friend, he can read him like a book.

“Yeah…”

“I think you have every right to be.” Jimin pats him on the shoulder, “You have been through a lot…and so much is unknown.”

“Yeah….” Taehyung agrees, “I feel like I’m walking into this blind.”

“You kind of are.” Jimin admits quietly. “You kind of are.”

“Do you think…I’m making a mistake?” Taehyung sits down on his bed, messing with the blanket between his fingers.

“No.” Jimin answers honestly. “I am probably the one who has heard about y/n the most. I almost feel like I know her.” Jimin laughs, “And I think you’re right. She was scared. This company…fuck that company by the way, this company set you two up and tried to force love on you. Of course that’s going to fuck her up. Of course she is going to have her doubts…you can’t blame her Tae. Yeah, it’s fucked up she hasn’t reached out at all but dude…it’s a tricky situation.”

“I know…” Taehyung’s head falls into his hands, “Fuck…I know.”

“And…” Jimin sits down next to him, “I don’t want you to regret not looking for her, it sucks that it’s you doing everything, I can admit that. I wish she would grow some fucking balls and talk to you but looks like you got to do all the work buddy.”

“Yeah.”

~

Taehyung checks into some dingy hotel downtown in the city you live, the place is dark, gritty even. But it’s just one of the first places that was affordable that popped up when he was googling places to stay. He doesn’t totally mind, he doubts he will be spending much time in here. He receives his key from the girl at the front desk, she eyes him up and down, obviously liking what she sees.

Taehyung walks down a dark hallway to reach his room—he’s starting to feel like the main character in a horror movie. He reaches his door and unlocks it, opening it and shuffling inside with his luggage. The room smells dusty, the bed is small and the blanket thin. The room is loud with the AC unit blowing freezing air and the dark curtains don’t let in any light whatsoever.

He sets his luggage down on the carpet and sits on the bed…he takes his phone out and sends a text to his group chat that he made it alive.

Namjoon 4:02pm

Good luck man, we’re rooting for you.

Jungkook 4:02pm

Fingers crossed homie

Jin 4:03pm

Bring her back to Korea

Yoongi 4:03pm

He can’t just bring her back Jin

Hobi 4:03pm

I also vote he brings her back with him

Jimin 4:04pm

I agree, I want to meet the infamous y/n

Taehyung 4:04pm

Am I also allowed to vote that I want to bring her back with me?

Taehyung quietly laughs to himself as he clicks his phone off. He lays back on the bed and groans when he feels how hard the mattress is. But it doesn’t matter because he is here on a mission, a mission to find you and he wants to waste no time.

~

Day 1:

Taehyung wakes up early to grab a bite to eat at the diner next to the hotel, this place doesn’t even offer complimentary breakfast! The audacity. He orders pancakes but they definitely aren’t as good as yours.

Waking up and breathing the same city air you’re breathing makes Taehyung for the first time in 6 months—feel alive. Like being in the same place as you is slowly helping him regain some of his self back. He knows you are here. You live here. You walk these streets, you eat these foods, you breathe this air. The same fucking air he is breathing.

Nothing excites him and makes him more nauseas. He misses you. He wants to see you. But he is afraid at the same time. He’s so fucking terrified. How will you react? Are you okay? Do you really not love him? Have you moved on? Seeing someone new? His mind races as he cuts into these pancakes.

Taehyung pulls out his phone and checks the time…almost 7 am. He needs to hurry to the coffee place…because what if you stop by there on your way to work? Or maybe you don’t work right now and you go there just to chill? He doesn’t know but he knows he won’t miss a chance to see you.

Taehyung finishes up his plate of food and pays. He leaves the diner and starts walking towards Cozy Coffee, only a 15 minute walk. He inhales deeply, hoping to somehow get a whiff of you, he looks at all the flowers on the side of the sidewalks and thinks of you. Would you be interested in a bouquet of flowers? He recalls on your first unofficial first date he gave you a handful of flowers from the island and you liked it. Ugh, what is he thinking? All he needs to be worried about right now is fucking finding you.

Finally, Taehyung makes his way inside Cozy Coffee. It’s a pretty small place but big enough for a handful of people to be occupying the many tables. His eyes scan the area but they don’t come across you. He sighs and heads towards the counter to order a tea and take a seat at a table in the back near the restrooms.

He spends hours here in this spot. The entire day actually. No sign of you. And the owner has to literally escort him out when it is closing time. He walks back to the hotel with his head hanging low, he guesses today wasn’t a day for reading or writing.

Day 2:

These pancakes aren’t bad actually, not the second time around. Yours are still better, of course but he’s getting use to them. Maybe tomorrow he should try something different.

Taehyung walks leisurely towards the coffee shop, he somehow has this idea he might run into you on the street or something. But he doesn’t.

The coffee shop is a little less busy today, Taehyung goes inside, orders his tea and occupies the same table as yesterday. He pulls his backpack to his lap and brings out a notebook and pen, he decides he will work on song lyrics today.

Hours and hours pass, tea after tea is drank and still, no sign of you. Closing time approaches and he is once again, asked to leave. Taehyung nods in understanding, gathers his belongings and walks back to the hotel. Slowly of course, because deep down he thinks he just might run into you.

Day 3:

French toast today…not as good as the pancakes but still, pretty good. He wonders if you can make French toast? You never mentioned it. Taehyung realizes there is still so much he does not know about you. The thought kind of drives him crazy. He wants to know you. Know all of you. Know you better than anyone else.

The walk to the coffee shop is slow and enjoyable. The scenery is pretty as he strolls on the sidewalk, the flowers poking through the cement bring him a small level of joy for the day. Once he enters the shop, the owner gives him a smile. He orders his tea and makes his way to the back table, pulls out his notebook and starts writing his song lyrics.

On my pillow. Can’t get me tired. Sharing my fragile truth. That I hope the door is still open. Cause the window. Opened one time with you and me. Now my forever is falling down. Wondering if you’d want me now.

Taehyung sets his pen down taking a break from writing, he reaches for his tea and takes a few sips. The liquid has gone cold. He sighs out and lets the hours pass him by. Closing time approaches like it does every night and he is asked to leave.

Day 4:

He’s back to getting pancakes. He likes to pretend they are yours, that you made them for him. He likes to imagine a life where you make breakfast for him again. He likes to imagine a life where you’re just here again. It’s almost 7 am, he needs to head to the coffee shop. He strolls casually, wondering what you are up to on this Thursday morning. Are you finally going to make an appearance at Cozy Coffee? Are you running late for work? Are you in early today?

Taehyung enters the shop and the owner gives him a sweet smile and begins working on his tea. Taehyung feels grateful that it’s being made without him even ordering it yet, a smile adorning his face. He pays for the tea and makes his way to the his table, pulls out his notebook and continues working on his song.

I’m wondering are you my best friend? Feels like a river’s rushing through my mind. I wanna ask you if this is all just in my head. My heart is pounding tonight, I wonder if you are too good to be true. And would it be alright if I pulled you closer.

Taehyung lets hours and hours pass, his pen busy on his notebook paper. The lyrics coming to him so easily for the first time in months. He can’t help the sad smile that grows on his face as he reads and rereads his song lyrics.

Just like every day when the bell of the front door jingles his head shoots up to see who it is. Now is no different. A woman comes in and his heart almost stops because she looks like you at first glance. Taehyung groans at the disappointment. Because it’s not you.

Day 5:

Okay, he is back to French toast. It’s starting to grow on him, he definitely wants to ask you to make this for him. His imagination begins to run wild with dreams of making food with you again, kissing the side of your neck as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind you. Like the many times he has done it.

“Taehyung…” you whine as he nips your neck with his teeth. “I’m trying to concentrate on this recipe.”

“I’m trying to concentrate too.” Taehyung smirks against your soft skin, “On you.”

You can’t help the blush that begins spreading across your cheeks, his fingers dig into your hips and you moan out.

“Taehyung…”

“What is it baby?” he starts kissing your neck. “Want me to fuck you? Right here?” he digs his fingers deeper into your hips and you start grinding against him.

“Couch.” You breathe out. “I want to ride you.”

“Oh? You want to be in control? Maybe I will allow it this once.” He teases, his tongue licking a strip up to your ear, then he nibbles on the lobe.

Taehyung finds his pants getting tight as he recalls his memories with you. He misses kissing you, he misses touching you, he misses your scent, he misses your skin, your eyes, your lips.

Shit, it’s past 7. He needs to hurry to Cozy’s.

He’s seated in his spot with his tea and notebook out, he swears he is almost finished with this song…the chorus needs some work but he thinks he’s got it. Something about being ships in the night, but somehow he doesn’t have the courage to finish he song, he doesn’t want that to be his relationship with you.

Night time comes and still no sign of you. Tomorrow is his last day and he is starting to freak out. Where are you? He thought you came here all the time? Why aren’t you coming? Are you okay? He is asked to leave once again and he does.

Day 6:

Back to pancakes. Back to strolling on the side walk. Back to Cozy’s. Back to his tea. Back to his spot.

Taehyung feels the nerves in his body multiplying with every shaky breath he takes. Today is the last night, his flight is in the morning and he has made no progress on finding you. This place being his only hint.

“Excuse me…” Taehyung walks up to the counter and greets the owner.

“What can I do for you young man? Another tea?” he softly smiles at Taehyung but Taehyung shakes his head.

“I have a question…” he begins. “Do you know y/n y/l/n?”

“y/n???” the old man begins to smile after expressing his confusion, “Of course I do, that girl has been coming here for years.” He starts wiping down the counter with a rag. “Why? You looking for her? You aren’t some creepy ex-boyfriend are you?”

“No, no.” Taehyung laughs. “But I am looking for her…she usually comes here right?” he nervously chuckles.

“Usually. But she started a new job recently that has kept her a little busy…” the old man continues to wipe down the counter. “But she was in just last week! And It’s Saturday!” he cheers, “She always comes to write on weekends.”

Taehyung lights up at that. “Really??” he shows the old man a wide, boxy grin. He feels like he hasn’t smiled like that in what seems like forever. All because there is finally a chance he might see you.

“Oh…” The old man stops wiping to get a good look at Taehyung. “You look like a man in love.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen just a bit before he smiles, “Do I?”

The shop is busy today. Taehyung sits in his usual spot, writing and doodling in his notebook, his head lifting up quickly every time the door jingles. It’s never you though. It is already 6pm and there is still no sign on you and Taehyung hates that he is starting to lose hope. Are you not coming? He doesn’t have much time left.

Taehyung sits here, his pen between his lips as he thinks about you. He thinks about the first time he saw you…he really thought you were some girl he might have drunkenly hooked up with…he remembers your expression, how shocked, how scared, how overwhelmed you were. He wishes now he could go back in time and hug you. Tell you he’s with you, together. That you aren’t alone. Taehyung wishes he could kiss your temple, bring you in close and make you feel okay. He recalls the first time you two really interacted.

“We need to find out what’s going on.” Taehyung takes a deep breath, lifting his head up. He locks his eyes with yours again but you break contact to look at your feet.

“We don’t know anything…would if it’s not safe?” you quietly try to reason.

“Exactly, we don’t know anything and that’s a problem. You don’t expect us to stay in this room forever, do you?”

He has a point and you know it. You want to follow him out of this room but your feet seem to be glued to the floor.

“Well, no. But—”

“Didn’t think so.” He turns away from you, his body shuffling towards the bedrooms door but before he can become out of reach your hand flies to his shirt sleeve, tugging it softly.

“Wait! Just hold on—” Your voice wavers and Taehyung rolls his eyes. Rolls his fucking eyes at you!

“Listen, come. Or don’t. I don’t really care.” Taehyung releases your hold on his shirt, unsticking your fingers and throwing your hand towards your body. “Decide.” He states before swiftly turning around to head towards the door.

Oh. So this guy is a fucking asshole. Noted.

You end up following him because although he was rude about it, feeling someone’s touch when you feel so scared was slightly comforting and yes, you are aware of how fucking pathetic that is.

Taehyung stands in front of the door, his hand reaching for the knob when he turns his head to say, “Just trust me.”

And now you are the one rolling your eyes. Trust him? You just met the dude! 10 minutes ago his name was Future Murderer. How could you possibly trust this asshole?

“How can I trust you? I literally just met you.” The scowl on your face deepens when he smirks.

“Are you always such a fucking baby?”

“Are you always such a fucking baby?” you mock, eyes rolling so far into the back of your head.

Taehyung can’t help but chuckle. God, you were such a brat. It’s almost 7 now…still no sign of you.

“Maybe if you weren’t always following me, they would have sent us home by now.” Taehyung states bitterly as he puts his slice of bread on top of his now made sandwich.

“I’m not following you.” You roll your eyes, “I have to eat too.”

“You can’t wait until I’m done?”

“You look pretty done to me…” You point at his sandwich and he scoffs.

“I still have to eat it.”

“Eat in your room for all I care.”

You and Taehyung are getting along just fine…maybe not swimmingly but like, fine. It’s been a couple weeks and you have mostly stayed out of one another’s way but it’s moments like this that you end up interacting.

“I think I’ll eat at the table, thanks.” He grabs his sandwich and makes his way to the dining room table, sitting down with a thump. He aggressively picks up his sandwich and takes a bite while showing you a smart ass smile.

“Fantastic,” you state, “Me too.” You finish pouring milk into your cereal bowl and set it back inside the fridge. You dramatically make your way over to the table as well, giving him a wide grin as you sit down in front of him. You slightly slam your bowl down on the table, some milk dribbling over the edge of the bowl and Taehyung snarls.

“Great, you’re making a fucking mess.”

“If you went up and ate in you room you would have no idea about this mess.”

“But you still would have made this mess?”

“Ignorance is bliss, Taehyung.”

“You’re such a…” he stops, setting his lips into a firm line and you lean your head forward, clearly curious about what you are.

“Such a…?” you blink at him repeatedly and his lips curve upward into a charming smile.

“A fucking brat.” Taehyung grabs his sandwich again and takes an obnoxious bite while grinning and you give him your best annoyed eye roll.

Taehyung continues to chuckles as he goes down memory lane…he does regret being mean to you at first but god, you truly were a fucking brat. But he laughs about it now, loving every single memory he shares with you.

The door jingles and he shoots his head up, hoping it is you. But still, just like every other fucking time—it’s not.

Taehyung groans into his notebook, feeling lost and frustrated. What’s he going to do if you don’t show? He’s trying here. Is the universe really that cruel? And suddenly the door jingles again, but he doesn’t look up, he knows it isn’t you.

“Hi Mister Jones!”

Oh. Oh. That voice. That voice belongs to you. Taehyung whips his head up and there you are. You are standing at the doors entrance with a nervous smile on your face, why are you nervous? You are wearing jeans and a oversized t shirt, a casual but cute look. And Taehyung is falling in love with you. Seeing you in the real world for the first time has him frozen in place.

“The usual?”

“Yeah.” You reply calmly, glancing at the empty table at the front of the shop. You pull a chair out and take a seat, your back to Taehyung. He is still frozen. He all of the sudden feels unprepared for this. He all of the sudden feels sick. He clenches his jaw as he watches your back. You are here, living your life without even think of him aren’t you? Taehyung swallows down his anger now. He has to. Anger won’t do him any good.

He takes long breath after long breath trying to compose himself and find his confidence to go up to you and confront you. He blinks back his growing tears of frustration and stands from his table, the chair screeching against the wooden floors.

He stands here, frozen again. What if you really do not want to see him? That this was all intentional? He starts to feel sick again. He squeezes his eyes shut as he tries to get rid of the feeling of nausea.

“Taehyung…” you whisper his name, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You think having feelings for me means that’s it? That it’s the end? Baby, it would only be the beginning.” Taehyung leans down again as he caresses your face. “I know you’re scared. I know you have trauma that you’re still getting through. I know your ex fucked you up. But I’m not him. I’m Taehyung. I’m…fuck, I don’t know. y/n, please just open your heart to me.” Taehyung looks at you with so much compassion that it physically hurts.

“I know,” your voice shakes, “I know you aren’t him, Tae.” You take his hand in yours, “I do like you.” You finally admit, shutting your eyes.

“Look at me.” Taehyung commands, “Look at me babe.”

You slowly open your eyes again, gazing into his dark ones and you feel yourself grow warmer and warmer.

“I’m only looking at you.”

Taehyung quickly opens his eyes as he finds his resolve. You love him. He knows it. He feels it. You wanted him, just like how he wanted you—wants you.

He nods his head, trying to pump himself up, about to gain the courage to walk to you when the door jingles again and a man walks in. A man that immediately looks at you and smiles.

This man takes a seat across from you at the small table and Taehyung feels his heart halting in his chest. He feels himself grow warm, he feels himself grow the company of something evil, something green. He feels himself grow incredibly fucking jealous. So you do have someone. You moved on. You have someone, someone that is not him. Taehyung slowly plops back down in his chair, his mouth slightly open as he watches this man talk and smile at you.

But suddenly, Taehyung notices how tense you become. How you grip on to your purse harder and harder with every word this man speaks. He can sense you from here…something is wrong. Who is this man? Why is he making you so uncomfortable? Is this not a date? Taehyung isn’t sure what to do. He could be reading this all wrong, he could be imagining this for his own sake. He could be creating this world where you don’t love anyone but him.

But then you stand from your chair abruptly and storm out of the shop, this man desperately tries to grab for you and quickly follows after you. Taehyung stands from his chair as well, already racing towards the shops door, in search of you. He didn’t even think about it, he just acted on instinct.

“y/n!” the man calls out after you but you continue to speed walk away until you feel a hand grab at your arm. You are quick to turn around, ready to give him an earful when your face goes completely pale.

“T-Taehyung…?” you stutter out, the shock riding in waves throughout your entire body.

“I said wait baby!” The man jogs up to you and Taehyung, Taehyung releases his hold on your arm and looks between you and this man.

“Baby?” Taehyung whispers out, already feeling his heart crack inside his chest. Maybe this is just a lovers quarrel. He continues looking between you and this man and you can see the hurt plastered all over Taehyung’s face.

“No—”

“Who is this?” The man stands between you and Taehyung. “Who are you?”

“Ben, you can leave. I think I have heard enough.” You spit out and Taehyung’s eyes widen before they are narrowing at you.

“Ben…?” he asks, not even sparing Ben a glance, only focusing on you. “Why are you with him y/n?” Taehyung’s voice goes dangerously low. “I asked, why are you with him?”

“He was just—”

“I was just talking with my girl. Is that a problem?”

“Your girl?” You and Taehyung ask in unison.

“You’re fucking kidding, right y/n?” Taehyung’s face is taken over with a scowl. “There’s no fucking way you are seeing this asshole again.”

“It’s not—”

“Asshole?” Ben scoffs, “Who the fuck are you?”

Taehyung doesn’t even look Bens way as he eyes you, he stuffs his hands into his front pockets and stares at you with his hard expression.

“Answer me.” He commands. “Now.”

“Listen buddy—” Ben begins but Taehyung just a holds a hand up in front of Bens face and tilts his head at you.

“I said, now.” Taehyung finally lowers his hand, then he is feeling his body being shove backward.

“I said who the fuck are you?” Ben pushes Taehyung, his hands still on his chest at the collar of his shirt. “How do you know my girl? y/n…you been fucking other men?”

“I’m not your fucking girl Ben.” You finally snap out of your daze, “I said leave.”

Ben lets go of Taehyung shirt to face you, he walks closer and closer until his feet are practically touching your own.

“Sweetheart I said I was sorry…” Ben tries to caress your face but you smack his hand away.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” You spit out, “Ever.”

Taehyung eyes the both of you with curiosity. What’s going on here? Are you with him or aren’t you? You notice Taehyung’s confused expression and move towards him to begin explaining.

“Ben is just here to explain why he did what he did…I don’t know why I agreed…but—”

“I’ve heard enough.” Taehyung stops you, he walks closer to you. “He’s bothering you?”

“I ain’t bothering anyone you fucking dick. And you never answered my question—who the fuck are—”

Your eyes are as wide as saucers and you watch the collision of Taehyung’s fist to Ben’s face. You swear you are witnessing it in slow motion, the way his fist crashes into the side of Bens jaw. The way Ben stumbles back and falls to the pavement. The way Taehyung grits his teeth as he brings his fist back to his own body. Did Taehyung just fucking punch your ex-boyfriend in the fucking face?

“She said to fucking leave.” Taehyung growls, “Now.”

“Taehyung!” you rush to his side, immediately reaching for his fist and inspecting it for any damage. You are hit with something massive…like the grandest bolt of electricity the moment your hand touches his. You try your hardest to ignore it, to ignore the fire that caught light, the raging fire that burns so wildly in your chest.

“Come. Come with me.” You say in panic, ignoring the fact that Ben lays on the concrete, probably knocked the fuck out. You hold on to Taehyung’s hand tightly as you lead him to the parking lot until you’re at your car. You hurry to let go of his hand, feeling so fucking nervous. What the hell is happening? Everything with Ben happened so fast that you haven’t even processed the fact that Taehyung is here. Here with you. In your city. In this parking lot. At your car.

“Tae—”

You stop before you can even finish his name. He looks at you with something you have never seen before. He goes to open his mouth but he stops himself, not knowing what the right thing to say is.

“I don’t know what to say anymore now that I am with you.” Taehyung finally says after a long while, his eyes are wet and his expression is troubled.

“I thought I would get here and I would tell you I am ready to make this work, that I missed you, that I love you. But now…seeing you. Really seeing you, I don’t know anymore.” He admits. “I think I am angry with you.” He says softly. “Really fucking angry.”

“Tae—”

“No.” he moves his head to the side, his eyes down at his shoes. “Let me speak. I have prepared a whole speech for you…but now, I don’t think I would mean any of the words.” He shuts his eyes, a tear escaping. “Did you go too far? Too far in hurting me?” he whispers. “Did you ruin me?”

You start breathing heavily, not knowing how to take his words. Why is he here?

“I had to fucking search for you. But did you even want to be found?” he questions you softly.

“Taehyung.” You say firmly. “I—”

“Am I a fool?” He chokes out, “A fool for doing this? Coming all the way here…sitting at this coffee place every single day waiting for you like the pathetic man that I am.” Another tear slips.

“Can I talk now?” you whisper. “Please?”

Taehyung gulps down his spit, anticipating what you might say. He gestures for you to speak and you take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reach out…” you begin, your chest getting tighter and tighter. “Every day that passed it got harder and harder to do it. If I’m being honest I stalked your account…” you admit with a bitter laugh, “You seemed happy. I wasn’t even sure you wanted me to reach out. Then Hana…”

“Hana?” Taehyung scrunches his brows together, “What’s Hana got to do with this?”

“You two are together aren’t you? I know, Taehyung.” You swallow hard.

Taehyung shakes his head in confusion, how do you know about Hana? You know he slept with her or?

“It was only one time.” Taehyung admits quietly…”but how do you know about that?”

“She posted you on her Instagram. I just assumed.” You say dryly, feeling a pang in your chest as you look at him. So he did get with her. You fucking knew it.

“Why are you here Taehyung?”

“I was here to tell you I love you. I want to make this work.” He says bluntly.

“Was?” you whisper and he nods.

“Now that I am here and I see you, I know I fucking love you still. But I think I’m lost and confused right now.” He admits between bated breaths. “I was so nervous to see you and to be honest looking at you now…I still feel nervous. Like, I could throw up.”

“I feel that way too.” You admit.

“You hurt me, y/n.” he steps closer to you, his gaze is dark and unwavering. “Can I forgive you?” he whispers and you choke back a sob. “Do you even love me back?...That’s also a main problem here.”

“I don’t know what to say.” You breathe out roughly, “I’m sorry for our last conversation on the island.”

“Are you?” he takes another step. “Are you really?”

“Yes, Tae…I …I…”

“You? You?” Another step.

“I was so scared, I was so confused.” You take a step back, but he continues walking towards you. “ But I was wrong.”

“Wrong about what?” he steps closer. “About that ‘maybe’ hmm?” he steps even closer until he is breathing the same zone of air as you. He reaches for your jaw with his hand and tilts your head up towards him. “I could have fucking told you that.”

“Taehyung…” you don’t mean to whimper, but you do. You fucking do. “I’m sorry. It just got so hard to talk to you but I have thought about you every second of every day.”

“Every second?” he scoffs, “Even as you were having coffee with fucking Ben?”

“It seriously isn’t what it looks like…” you rush to say, “He wouldn’t stop pestering me.”

“Tell me how you feel y/n. Right fucking now.” He roughly commands, his fingers still on your jaw.

“I—”

“I want everything, every detail. I want to know exactly what’s going on in this brain of yours.” Taehyung looks at you with hard eyes. “I want the truth.”

You scrunch your face up as you try not to cry, you feel so many overwhelming feelings all at once. You don’t know what to say. You love him. But is it that simple? “I…” You gulp.

“You?” his eyes soften just the slightest, “Just talk to me babe.” His voice loses all its edge as you begin to silently cry. His thumb wipes away your falling tears. “Just talk to me.”

“I miss you so fucking much.” Is the first thing that slips out of your mouth, “You have no idea…” you sob.

“If anyone has an idea, it’s me.” He chuckles bitterly.

“I let time pass me by Tae, I regret it so much. But as the seconds ticked by I knew I was losing my window of opportunity. And before I knew it 6 months had passed.” You choke, “I am so, so sorry.” You stare into his dark eyes. “The company did me a favor.” You laugh, “They gave me you. I fell in love with you, Taehyung. I just…I’m so sorry I doubted myself, doubted you.”

Taehyung’s features soften as he listens to you, he feels himself grow weak. Especially with his fingers touching your skin. He pulls back from you and leans against your car.

“Are you still in love with me?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes.” You sniffle, wiping your face of your tears. “I think I always will be, even if you decide you hate me.”

“I wish I could hate you.” Taehyung throws his head back, “It would make this easier, I wouldn’t even be here.”

“Make what easier?”

“Leaving you behind.” He says quietly, “Leaving us behind.”

Your body begins to shake as more tears escape you, you feel the heavy weight of his words fucking crush you. He wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t want you anymore. You fucked up too badly. Taehyung watches as you sob for several minutes, his eyes never leaving your flushed face. He clicks his tongue and puts a hand on your shoulder and rubs it.

“That’s what I think I should do.” He says, “But I can’t.”

Wait, what?

“You c-can’t?”

“I love you too much. And I all my friends voted I bring you back to Korea.” He says with a small smirk.

“But you?” you cry, “You said you are leaving me?”

“I was thinking aloud. And to be honest I wanted you to suffer a bit.” He says with his dark gaze. “I wanted to punish you just a little.”

Your wide eyes narrow at him and you can’t help but cry harder. “You fucking sadist.”

“Maybe a little.” He admits with a growing sly smile. “We have a lot to talk about.” He says after a moment. “Do you want to make this work with me or not?”

“Are you serious? Even after all of this you still want to be with me?”

“We’re soulmates, baby. Or did you forget?”

“You fucking smartass.” You wipe at your face, wiping your snots on the collar of your t shirt. “But yes…I want to make this work.”

“Spend a couple weeks with me in Korea. I want to start over with you. Take things slow. I am still angry. But I fucking love you.”

“A couple weeks in Korea?” you shake your head, “I can’t take off work that long.”

“I am not going to beg you.” Taehyung warns, “But please.”

A couple weeks in Korea? With Taehyung? Meeting his family? His friends? Starting over? Going slow? Can you two really do this?

[bibblelevi]

Hello friends have this sneak peak of chapter nine of silver soul because this chapter is likely going to be very long and I wanna give you all a little taste.



“Don’t even breathe,” he murmurs, feeling your breath ghost his nose. There’s a disciplinary flash in his eyes, and you want nothing more than to challenge him so he will put you in your place.

“Want me to die, then?”

He clenches his jaw. “Don’t even joke about that.”

Knowing he would rather not ponder on morality at such a time, instead you ask: “Where did you learn to do eyeliner, anyway? Past lovers?”

“I’m sure you would love to know all about my past lovers.”

Your face heats like a pile of coals lit aflame. “Maybe.”

Levi’s wrist pauses for a minute, and his pupil expands as his gaze flickers to meet yours. He stiffens, holding his breath before letting his shoulders slump. “You are the only one,” he admits with a quiet breath.

He may as well have tossed you unwittingly into a river of molten lava. The painful twisting of your heart prompts your stomach to churn, and suddenly you are far too aware of who you are and where you are and how Levi is looking at you right now.

You open your mouth, ready to gawk at him outwardly, before sealing your lips shut and locking away what would have been an utterly humiliating stream of thought.

Instead, you level the playing field. You reward his candor with your own. “You’re the only one for me, too.”

You mean it in more ways than one, but he doesn’t ruminate much, or make a move to dissect any hidden meanings.

His wrist remains still, and he moves his face a little further away. “You mean…?”

A sheepish laugh comes out of your mouth in the form of a breath. “Yeah. Thanks for some memorable firsts.”

“Should we buy a bottle of wine to celebrate? Only took us forty years to get here.”

Now, you throw your head back and cackle obnoxiously. Levi’s fingers still cup your jaw. He smirks at you. Barely, but he smirks. Even he can’t hide how much he enjoys this conversation.

“It’s not like we ever had any time to relax and indulge,” he adds, waiting for you to calm before starting on your left eye.

“That is true. But, it does hurt to know what I was missing out on all those years.”

More honesty, Levi realizes. He wonders what you mean—that you were missing out on him all those years, or missing out on sex? Insecurity tugs at his heart. He doesn’t want to imagine you with anyone other than him. The thought alone sparks something fiery. Something bordering on dangerous.

He doesn’t even want to think about how unfair it is for him to feel like this. He hasn’t “claimed” you, so you aren’t his to mark, but at the same time, you had operated beneath him and worked as his diligent little knight for decades, and the thought of reducing you back to something—or someone—he has power over, rouses something sorrowful and nauseating in his gut.

Maybe, this time around, he is hoping for you to claim him. That is, if you will have him.

“We had jobs to do,” he finally answers. “Now that it’s over, we’re free to do as we please.”

“Oh, come on. You really think that? All you ever do is hold back, Levi.” He blinks at you, unsure of what to say, but he doesn’t try to argue, either. You presume that you said something right then.

Of course he holds back. It’s hard not to when he’s so blatantly aware of how delicate this entanglement between the two of you is.

He remembers that distant but painstaking feeling, like being skinned alive and torn from his very bones, that time you nearly bled out on the airship. It was his desperation and blind thinking that resulted in you swept up in his arms, half-dead and muttering something he couldn’t comprehend.

One hand cannot count the amount of times you have been ripped away from him, and each time has left him floundering more than the last.

Anymore, and he would break wholly.

Even he can handle only so much hurt before it’s too much. And he’s right fucking there. Right on the ledge, taunting the inevitable by balancing on one foot. He never goes down without a fight.

So yes, this is fucking delicate. Perhaps he is a little more delicate than he would ever care to admit, too.

[leftoverenvy]

Secrets of the West Wing (ch. 22)

A/n: Alright my lovely readers, we have come to an end on our fluff. Here's the angst I promised you. You can only put me off for so long!

For @sweetprentiss 's spring writing challenge!

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Previous Chapters

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🦋

Chapter 22 - Capturing Athena

June 2026 - Emily's POV

Come on y/n, pick up.  I cursed when I heard her voicemail again.  I had been pacing our living room floor for about twenty minutes now, worry increasing by the second.  I dialed y/n's number again, my nail beds now bleeding from how much I was biting them.  I couldn't even register the slight sting right now.  Y/n wasn't picking up and she never ignored my calls.  I knew something was wrong.  Call it a gut feeling, but this didn't feel like when she disappeared from Green all those months before.  I somehow knew she was safe then, just as I knew now that something was wrong.

"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system 30-" I hung up again.

I called Garcia's number, hoping she would be able to tell me y/n was still in the Oval.  "Hello my glorious goddess!  What can I do for you on this fine evening?"

Normally, Garcia's peppy greeting would make me smile.  But I couldn't even pretend to match her energy.  I couldn't greet her back, rushing to ask the only question on my mind.  "Is y/n still in the Oval?  Have you seen her recently?"

"I'm sorry, Emily.  I've already left - I left before her."  Shit.  "She sent me home saying she had some work to finish up.  Is everything alright?"  I ripped my finger out of my mouth, the taste of my blood just as bitter as my worry.

"No, I'll call you later."  I quickly ended the call with Garcia and called down to the Oval.  No one picked up.  My stomach plummeted.  I hurriedly grabbed my gun and rushed out of the residence to go look for her.  I found it a bit odd to see that Green wasn't posted at the door.  Maybe he was following y/n around on a walk.  What could be so wrong that she needed to go on a walk?  Why wouldn't she answer the phone?

I went down to check the Oval first since Garcia had last seen her there.  I found the office empty and the lights out.  Panic rising in me, I rushed out to the gardens and scoured them.  When I found them empty, I put my ear piece in and asked, "Does anyone have eyes on Athena?"

I heard a quick, "She went to the residence half an hour ago, Prentiss."  My stomach sank, my heart pounding.

"She never made it," I whispered.  Where the hell was she?

I sprinted to my office, dialing Hotch's number on the way.  He answered quickly and I frantically explained that no one knew where y/n was.  I thought I might throw up.  My worst fears were coming true.  And she swore to me that she'd be careful; she promised Hotch she would pay attention to her surroundings.

Hearing my frantic ramblings, Hotch said, "You need to calm down if you want to find her."  His voice was stern.  I knew he was right, I just couldn't make myself actually do it.  I couldn't breathe right now.  It felt like my whole world was crashing down around me.  Y/n needs you.  Get it together.

As I impatiently waited for Hotch to get back to the White House, I engaged in the protocol for this situation.  I called the cabinet to come back to the White House to confer and invoke the 25th Amendment - sign over temporary presidential powers to Rossi.  Then I called the director of the FBI to ask for more agents.  Lastly, I called JJ so we could get ahead of the media.  I hoped we could find her before the media caught wind of her being missing.  This didn't need national coverage yet.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Hotch swiftly entered my office.  "Any updates?"  He wasn't bothering with greetings or social pleasantries either.

I shook my head and blew out a heavy breath.  "No.  But I think we should re-examine that old letter - reform our ideas about it.  I had previously dismissed this thought completely, but y/n thinks the letter and the photos are related.  That the same person did both.  She thinks it's an inside man."

"Why didn't she tell me?"

I looked away, a bit guilty.  "I think because I told her it wasn't likely that it was the same person.   And we were in Colorado, so I made her relax and stop thinking about it."  I put my head in my hand, hating myself for dismissing her so quickly.  This is exactly what Hotch warned against.  I was too excited to get her in bed to listen to what she had to say.

"Something tells me she isn't one to just let something like that go," Hotch trailed off.  "Did she have any idea about who it could be?"

I blew out another breath.  "No, I'm sure she's been worrying about it for a while now," I said sadly.  "She didn't have an idea - when we talked about it - about who it could be.  And now he has her, and I don't know who he is."

"Hang on now.  We don't know if anyone has her."  I looked pointedly at him.

"I checked the gardens myself, Hotch.  And no one's seen her since leaving the Oval an hour and a half ago."  I paused and sat back in my chair, thinking.  "You don't think they used the tunnels, do you?"  If he smuggled her out through the tunnels, they could be anywhere in DC by now.  Hotch immediately pulled his phone out and called his contact at the Treasury Building where the tunnel ends.

After a brief conversation with them, he looked at me and shook his head.  "No one's seen her over there either, or any agents."

"But then how could anyone have gotten her out of the White House without being seen?"

He shook his head again, also unsure.  "Alright.  Let's call everyone in one at a time and see if anyone knows more than we do."  As he finished, Morgan burst through the door.

"Athena's gone??  Prentiss, you okay?" I shook my head.

"No."  There was no point in lying.  I'm sure it was obvious on my face.  "Let's find her."

"I just spoke with a bunch of the guys.  All said they saw or heard the update that she was en route to the residence.  Green said he was posted there and waiting.  They didn't hear anything until you called and asked if anyone had eyes on her."

I nodded, thinking.  And then my stomach plummeted to the floor.  "Green wasn't posted at the door," I said softly, fear paralyzing me.

"What?" Hotch asked.

"I thought it was odd, but not crazy unusual earlier.  When I left to look for her, Green wasn't posted at the door.  I hoped maybe they were on a walk together.  I'd forgotten about it until just now."

"Well, where the hell is Green?" Hotch asked.  I immediately pulled my phone out to call him while he furiously spoke into the com system.  Neither of us could get a response from him.

"Think he's dead somewhere?" Morgan asked.  I shook my head.  I should have listened to y/n.  She knew - her gut serving her well; it served her better than mine had.  I wasn't deserving of my job.  She had tried to tell me last week that she thought it was an inside job.  And I had dismissed it.  Dismissed her.  And it may cost her her life.

"I want all agents looking for Athena and Green," Hotch ordered into his earpiece.  "Sweep the areas immediately surrounding your posts and check back in."  He spoke directly to Morgan and me now, "Prentiss, go sweep the residence again.  Just make sure she isn't asleep or passed out somewhere.  Morgan, go quickly check the oval and the Kennedy gardens."

"She likes the tree by the bench on the east side," I reminded him, sadness coloring my voice.  He gave me one pitying glance and then walked out of my office.

I rushed up to the residence, begging whatever god was up there to find her at the piano oblivious to everything around her, lost in her music.  I prayed I'd hear Chopin or even the song she'd written for me flowing out into the hallway.  And though I wasn't hopeful I'd find her or hear her playing, seeing Green still absent from the hallway crushed me.  When I opened the door, the silence of the residence deafened me.  All I could hear was my own heart pounding in my chest.  There was no music when normally the residence was filled with her music.

I moved efficiently through each room of the residence, my gun drawn but pointed to the floor.  With each cleared room, my stomach twisted in on itself further.  I rushed to the sink, and heaved.  My ears were swimming, my stomach whirling.

I faintly heard Hotch's voice in my ear but I couldn't focus on it enough to make out words.  My head was reeling, the blood rushing so loudly in my ears.  "Prentiss!"  His words finally registered.  "Have you cleared the residence?"

"Yes," I responded, voice rough from just throwing up.  I tried my hardest to collect myself - for y/n's sake.  "She isn't here," my voice broke.

"Meet us back downstairs.  I've completed interviews with the agents on duty.  No one's seen anything.  We're going to sweep the tunnel and the bunker."

How could I have let this happen?  Could it really be Green?  And if it was, why?  Why now?  Why her??  She just couldn't be gone…

Continue to next chapter

[skiyoosmi]

if fate permits

⤷ chapter twenty four: just one last time

prev < masterlist > next

Was I such an evil person in my past life to deserve this agony?

The damned question circles your mind over and over again as you walk mindlessly, vision blurry due to the tears that were continuously welling up your eyes. You've always thought watching him fall in love with someone else was already painful enough, but even that couldn't prepare you for the wrenching feeling that your heart felt when you cut the thread, forced to cut him out of your life, figuratively and literally speaking. Now that you're experiencing it yourself, you think that's the reason why people like you were forced to forget— the feeling of your heart endlessly falling to the dark abyss was not something anyone could live with for the rest of their lives, wondering what was so wrong with you that he couldn't bring himself to love you even with a thread physically connecting the two of you.

Stupid gods, they can't even do one thing right. His words echo and you choke out what seems like a pathetic attempt for a laugh, lips wobbling as you cry, "I know right, Tsum. They're so stupid."

Soulmates are so stupid. Your eyes linger on your thread, barely red as it began to become duller each hour that passed and had uneven ends due to the cutting that happened just a while ago. The red string, once bright and glowing in color, that kept you close to Atsumu for so many years, gone in just a few seconds and it felt so unfair, so cruel. Because how could someone decide your fate just like that?

You just have to get through it tonight, YN. Tomorrow, when you wake up, you won't even know that kind of heartbreak. Tomorrow, you repeat to yourself, trying to lessen the gut wrenching feeling swimming inside you; keyword, tried. Still, it doesn't stop the liquids that gather in your eyes and the hiccups that escape your mouth. Because you just loved him so goddamn much that you were willing to give up everything of you just for him, just for his happiness... and yet, he couldn't do it for you, not even one bit of him. And with that, you find yourself drowning in self-pity— no matter how much you sacrificed, no matter how long you put him first, it all still ended with you cutting the thread, the thing you treasured the most. It just wasn't meant to be.

The ringing of your phone resonates through the quiet and unknown park you had stopped by, the picture of your brother popping up on the screen.

"YN. Where in the hell are you? It's already late! Your flight's tomorrow night. Mom's close to losing the last bits of her mind. Tell me whe—"

"'Yoomi," you sob like a child, the minimal strength that kept you standing up finally giving in to your overwhelming emotions as your legs gave out as well, falling on your butt as you clutched your chest in pain, "'Yoomi."

You tried to get words out but your heavy cries stopped you from doing so, only being able to speak out his name.

"YN? What happened? Hey... take a deep breath and tell me where you are, I'll come get you myself and then we can talk about it, yeah?"

The usual monotonous voice he spoke vanished into thin air and was replaced with one that were filled with worry and concern. From the background, you can hear him telling your parents to just stay still, despite their sound of disapprovals, accompanied by the jiggling of keys which you figure were for the car, "YN, tell me where you are. Please."

"I... I..." you hiccup, looking around you for any prominent signs or landmarks, "I'm in a random park and t-there's a convenience store across. The one that we first went to when we moved to Tokyo."

"Okay. Just stay right there. I'm coming."

Kiyoomi takes a deep breath, lightly knocking on your bedroom door, sighing in relief when you responded with a quiet 'come in,' voice muffled. It has been past an hour since you arrived home, your parents opting to leave you alone as soon as they saw your swollen eyes; although, your brother couldn't obviously just sit still and look pretty, not when you're feeling like this when you're leaving tomorrow. He pushes the door open, wincing at the mess that welcomed him— some of your clothes were still not packed, luggages were lying down on the floor and there you were, on the bed, face down and shoved to the pillow.

"Did a storm pass by?" He asks, trying to at least lighten the mood, sitting at the foot of the bed and beginning to fix your things for you. He knew better than to pry, especially when he already had a guess on who brought you in such a devastated state. Instead of replying, you hold your hand up, he can see it for himself anyway.

His usually-calm demeanor breaks as he saw your thread, now in a dark maroon color. He stood up so quick that he felt lightheaded, "YN!"

Your head turns to him, eyes watering once more as you sob, "'Yoomi... I feel dead. Like my heart was forcefully ripped out of my chest. I... I don't know what to do... I can't take this."

He approaches you, engulfing your form in a hug, whispering his comforts as he speaks a gazillion of curses to Atsumu in his mind. He swears he might just punch the blonde to death as soon as he sees him, "You'll be okay. We're here. You're gonna be fine."

"I... I don't want to forget him... Please don't take him away from me... I love him," you cry out to the gods above, praying so desperately even if you knew it was impossible. You were no one special, who were you to be graced with such a miracle? And yet here you were, weeping the same prayers over and over again, knowing deep inside that no matter how much you beg, even if you were already on your knees, tomorrow would still come— the tomorrow that has no Miya Atsumu in it.

At that moment, you wished you hadn't just befriended him, you wished you just left him alone when he was playing with your brother; because nothing could compare to the pain of losing all of him— your soulmate, your beloved, your best friend— in just a matter of seconds.

Kiyoomi finishes packing for you by the time you calmed down a bit and leaves you alone, speaking about you should rest for your flight. As if you could do that... the moment you close your eyes, it's really over because the next time you open them, it's going to be a new YN. Gone will be you who knew each and every part of him, replaced with someone who won't even be able to recognize him...

Yet despite your heart's refusal towards the truth, your mind contradicts it and thinks back to his previous words, "...it has been too long of waiting..."

With that, your resolve crumbles into pieces and you find your eyes fluttering close. Somehow, you give out a small and sad smile, heart aching because of him... just one last time.

I'm sorry for not keeping my promise, Atsumu.

note. no words just... tears up because the next one might just be sadder than this

[snarky-badger]

It All Started With A Barfight Blitz - Chapter 3

Moodboard by @praise-kink-anon​

Chapter 3

Nihlus Kryik x Female OC

Wedding plans are made, and a date begins.

.

.

.

It was much later, after everything had been cleaned up and Kesia had showed up to bartend for the night, and My'liya and Ajana had left with the promise to return in the morning, that Lena managed to get some time to herself to think.

She'd gotten herself a couple of shots of Earth maple whiskey and claimed a table near the bar, keeping an eye on Kesia in case the asari needed help with the evening rush - at least until Dessius showed up to pick up the slack.

Lena would have to remember to give them both a nice bonus for coming in on such short notice like they had.

Finally being able to sit down felt wonderful, and she sighed as she leaned back in the high backed booth, setting both drinks onto the table. C-Sec had come and gone, Rkar helping them along with a few krogan 'death glares', and now, after finishing up the cleaning, she was tired, and fighting another headache.

Sighing, she reached for one of her drinks, groaning when it was snatched out from under her hand by Rkar as he joined her, claiming the seat across from her.

He downed the shot with a grimace. "Ugh. How can you drink this sugary stuff? Blech."

"I like the sweet stuff," Lena muttered, grabbing her other drink and holding it close, out of the krogan's reach.

"So. A Spectre, huh?"

Fuck. "I didn't know. He didn't tell me. It isn't going to happen. Fuck off."

He ignored the swearing. "You humans. Can't smell anything can you? That idiot was practically telling everyone with a nose that he's interested in you. More than just the usual turian lay."

Groaning, Lena tossed back her shot, enjoying the burn as it went down her throat. "Rkar, are you seriously sitting there trying to set me up with someone? Because last time I brought someone home, you threatened to rip out their heart and make them watch you eat it while they died."

"That guy was an idiot."

"Everyone I date is an idiot to you."

"Meh."

She sighed. "I don't want to be another one-night stand."

"One night stands are fun."

"For you maybe. I'm tired of waking up alone."

The krogan narrowed his eyes at her a little. "Then don't."

"It's not that easy," Lena protested softly, voice pained. "I'm not a battle-hardened Krogan or a goddamn Spectre. I'm just some human bartender. I'm not special, Rkar. I'm just--"

"That's varren-shit and you know it," he snapped, cutting her off as he leaned forward and reached across the table to jab her in the shoulder with one massive finger. "I helped raise you. I know what you're capable of. I hear you call yourself 'nothing special' again and I'll headbutt you. Knock some thrice-damned sense into you."

She sighed again, shaking her head tiredly. "You don't get it."

"I can't get my head that far up my ass."

"Rkar, you suck at giving pep talks."

"Meh." When she didn't say anything for a long moment, merely stared down into her empty shot glass, he sighed. He hated dealing with emotional crap. "Look, you like him, yeah? Never seen anyone make you blush like that before. Worst comes to worse and he's some asshole, I'll spread his guts across the Citadel for you. Otherwise, hell, you haven't done shit except sleep and tend the bar in months. So grow a quad, go to lunch with the spiky bastard, and see what happens."

Lena blinked at him in surprise, then leaned back in her seat with a tired smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "...thanks."

"Don't ever mention it," he growled, though there was no real anger to his tone. "Now fuck off and go home. Those two crazy asari will be here in the morning, and you look like shit."

Shaking her head at his gruffness, Lena got to her feet, then gathered up the two shot glasses, pausing to lean close and press a kiss to his leathery cheek. "Thanks 'dad'."

Rkar pretended to glower at her in complete contrast to the fond little smile on his face. "Oh, fuck off."

.

~*~

.

Late next morning, Lena arrived at the bar a good twenty minutes before the meeting with the two asari, dressed in the nicest clothes she owned - a blue pantsuit with a iridescent sleeveless blouse under the blazer. She knew the Presidium was more... hoity toity, for lack of a better term, and didn't want to show up in her bar outfit - Nihlus was a Spectre for God's sake. She didn't want to make him look bad by dressing like a slob.

Huffing a breath to blow some errant hair out of her face, Lena used her omni tool to unlock the bar's front doors, then headed in, using the interface in her omni to turn on all the lights. It was far too early to open for business, so it would afford her guests with privacy while they talked about Lena taking care of the bartending at their Bonding Ceremony.

She hummed a song under her breath as she headed for the office, engaging more lights as she went. A quick glance in a mirror had her fixing her hair, using her fingers to comb through the brown locks on the left side of her head. The fade on the right, she'd redone the night before, just so she'd look presentable. It wasn't a perfect look, but it was better than the alternative.

God, there she was, primping herself like a giddy teenager ready for a date. Her grandfather would have laughed to see her like that.

Shaking her head, Lena headed deeper into the office, plopping down at the desk and activating the terminal there with her passcode. Her accountant, Koran, a particularly shrewd Volus with an attitude, would probably have kittens when he found out she might be bartending a wedding.

Oh, he'd probably say that it would be good for business in the future, but the huge endeavour would take a toll on her bank account and her suppliers.

Because if there was one thing that Lena knew, it was that My'liya liked to party.

She managed to send a message to Koran just as her omni pinged, Ajana letting her know that they were five minutes out. They were early, Lena mused as she shut down the terminal and grabbed a data pad, pausing to fiddle with her hair again before striding out of the office.

Another ping on her omni had her heading for the main doors, unlocking them and allowing My'liya and Ajana in, though Lena winced when My'liya caught sight of her, a sort of unholy, mischevious, light brightening her eyes.

"Aren't you all pretty today! What's the occasion?"

Lena glowered at her. "I have a date."

"A date!" she said innocently. "Oh, I hope it's with that handsome Spectre!"

"Liya," Ajana sighed. "Don't meddle."

"I'm not meddling love, I'm congratulating! He's a catch! Oh! Lena, do you want tips? If he kisses you again, there's a soft patch of skin under his fringe. Rub that and it'll drive him wild!"

She felt her face heat at the implications. "Thanks? I think?"

"And if you... wait." The asari squinted at her curiously. "You're not dextro allergic are you?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Oh good! That's much more fun!"

Ajana shook her head with a fond little smile, then curled her arm around a frazzled Lena's shoulders and guided her deeper into the bar. "Don't listen to her. The only thing you need to do is stay calm and be yourself, alright? Trust me, he was interested."

"--wait until he uses that tongue--"

"Liya, I love you deeply, but enough," Ajana frowned. "She's nervous enough as it is! Now, we're here to talk about our Bonding Ceremony, not make her anxious. So, come sit, love, and let's do just that."

Thank the Gods for Ajana. Because My'liya had Lena's thoughts going right into the gutter and that wasn't helping at all.

Huffing, My'liya followed them over to a booth. "Oh, you know I didn't mean anything by it. Lena, I just want you to be happy. You've been isolating yourself since your grandfather died, don't think none of us noticed. It'll be good for you to get out."

The mention of her grandfather was like a bucket of cold water crashing over her. "I just... The bar meant a lot to him. I don't want to let him down."

Ajana gave her a little hug. "He'd want you to be happy first and foremost, child. He'd want you to live not stagnate. Where's the Spectre taking you?"

"The Presidium. Nihlus - that's his name - he says there's a levo/dextro restaurant there."

"Oh, I've been there. Tevos likes the noodle dishes there," My'liya nodded, blinking when Lena frowned at her. "What?"

"And when were you going to tell me you're the aide to the asari Councillor?"

Ajana gave her love a long-suffering look. "You didn't tell her?"

"I... Shit, I didnt?" She hummed when Lena shook her head. "Oops."

Sighing, Lena slid into the booth, waiting until the two had seated themselves across from her before speaking again. "Alright. So the Councillors will most likely be there, right?" When they both nodded, she winced. "And you know that I have a distinct lack of a brain/mouth filter?"

"I love that about you," My'liya said. "I don't have to worry if you've got some hidden agenda, or if you're manipulating me for something. You always speak your mind. It's refreshing after dealing with politicians all the time. Even Tevos gets on my nerves sometimes."

"And you think exposing me to politicians is a good idea?"

Ajana chuckled. "We trust you to be professional. Or at least civil," she added with a smile when Lena gave her a doubting look. "Lena, you're a great friend, a fantastic bartender and you and all of your employees are kind, professional and most importantly, unbiased to all Citadel races."

"Plus you're used to serving both levo and dextro drinks," My'liya said. "You've got a system that works. Trust me, I've seen some bars accidentally poison someone because they served the wrong drink to the wrong person. I've never seen you make that mistake."

"Gods, no. My grandfather would rise from the grave to smack me upside the head if I did that. But, I see your point. So... alright, how many guests are we talking here?"

"We finally managed to narrow it down to a hundred people," Ajana told her, giving My'liya a warning glance. "And we're not rehashing it again."

"Boo."

Chuckling, Lena tapped a few commands into her data pad, then handed it to Ajana. "This is what I can offer as drinks. I might be able to get a few 'special' orders, but that depends on the timeline you give me."

"Ah, haha. Yes. The timeline..."

"What Liya means is that we're in a tad of a rush," Ajana said, sighing when Lena frowned. "Our Ceremony is next week."

"Next week?!" Lena blurted, eyes going wide.

"We know it's short notice. Tevos is going off-Citadel and I have to go with her. I don't know when I'll be back. So we wanted it to happen sooner rather than later," My'liya explaiend, eyeing Lena worriedly. "Do you... think you can do it?"

Lena frowned, gently taking the data pad back and sighing as she looked over what she'd originally offered. "I... Alright. Some people owe me favors, I can call them in. Please tell me I have seven days and not like, three."

"Eight days, actually," Ajana answered. "And if we can put a little more pressure on you... Is there any way you can get some Asari Honey-Mead?"

"....you two are trying to kill me, aren't you?"

"Is that a 'no'?"

"It's a 'maybe'. I'll contact my suppliers and see what I can do. Can I ask what species will be there? Because getting my hands on hanar mindfish oil might be impossible with such a short timeline - unless I bribe one of the local bars."

"...you might have to bribe a local bar then."

"Crap. Okay. So, if I bring my usual supplies, plus the Honey-Mead, will that be enough? I'll want to have two bars set up if possible - one levo, one dextro -  set up with ice buckets and enough space to hold about a dozen varieties of liquor each. And do you want champagne? I can get my hands on a dual-chirality brand that's safe for everyone, might be good for a speech?"

"See, this is why I knew you'd be a good pick! That's a great idea," My'liya grinned.

"Now you're just trying to get on my good side," Lena smirked as she took notes, short nails tapping on the data pad. "Alright, here's the revised list. It's a mix of high end and most popular drinks."

Ajana took the offered pad and scrolled through it, My'liya leaning over to read over her shoulder. "This looks perfect. Thank you, Lena."

"Don't thank me yet. I still have to get my hands on all this and bribe some of my employees with bonuses."

"Oh, no worries. We'll cover all of that. We already budgeted a rather large chunk of the expenses to cover the open bar," My'liya told her as she activated her omni tool, typing into it before sending a transfer to Lena. "Is that enough?"

Frowning, Lena checked the transfer, then gasped. "Holy-- Are you sure? This is... this is twice what I was thinking!"

"You're doing us a huge favor, and on short notice on top of that," Ajana smiled, reaching over to pat Lena's arm. "So, yes, we're sure."

"I... Wow. Alright. I'll contact my supplier and accountant right away, get everything moving. I assume the venue will be on the Presidium?"

"Oh, yes. We have a lovely spot reserved for the initial ceremony," My'liya told her. "It's out by the lake, amongst a grove of trees. The reception will be held in the huge conference area of the prestigious Kethi Hotel - Tevos herself managed to strong arm the Hotel into allowing us there. And we'll make sure to have everything set up for you - we're actually off to talk with the planner when we leave here."

"Last thing - colours. What colours are you using in your design for everything? I don't want any of my people showing up in clashing outfits."

"Oh, anything in hues of purple and pink would work. Blue too, so long as it's a deeper hue. I'll send you pictures of the decorations and our reception dresses so you have an idea," Ajana answered. "But it's the reception, so we're not forcing people to have a 'dress code' in terms of colours."

"Fair enough." Lena made a few more notes, then nodded. "I think I have everything I need. Though, if I have questions, you won't mind if I message you?"

"Absolutely not! Annnd," My'liya grinned. "You're welcome to bring a date."

"Liya..." Ajana warned.

My'liya attempted to look innocent. "What?"

"How about I try to get through today first," Lena drawled as she slid out of the booth and rose to her feet. "With my luck, I'll say something dumb and it'll be a disaster."

"With how he was looking at you? Doubtful."

Ajana nudged the other asari out of the booth, stood, and then placed her hands on both of My'liya's shoulders and bodily steered her soon-to-be-bonded towards the front doors. "Will you leave the poor girl alone?"

"You love me!"

"Goddess only knows why."

"Hey! Mean!" My'liya twisted to look back at Lena with a smile. "You'll do great! Remember what I said about that spot under his fringe!"

"And what spot might that be?"

Ajana groaned as she shoved My'liya past Nihlus, his mandibles quirked in a turian smirk. "Don't listen to her, she's lost her mind."

"I have not!"

"Oh, yes, you have. Now come on, we're going to be late!"

Lena sighed as the two asari continued on past Nihlus, who watched them go with an amused tilt to his head before he turned to look at her, one brow ridge rising in askance.

"My'liya was trying to give me advice," she told him with a wince. "None of it was... um... appropriate."

"It sounded rather useful though," he teased, chuckling as he stepped into the bar, the doors closing behind him. Humming, he let his gaze travel over her, enjoying how her clothes were tailored to her form, the colour making her eyes seem all the bluer. "You look... incredible."

She managed a smile. "You don't look so bad yourself." He'd abandoned his armor for civilan clothes: black trousers, a dark red and black shirt and a shortened dark red jacket that showed off his trim waist. "No armor today?"

"Hardly an outfit fit for a date," Nihlus chuckled. "I'm a little early though."

"I just need, like, two minutes to send this list off to my supplier," she said, gesturing to the data pad she held before waving at him to follow her as she headed for the office. "Ajana and My'liya's Bonding Ceremony is next week, so I don't have a lot of time to spare to get what I need."

"Next week? Oh, so that's the event he was talking about." At her curious glance, Nihlus explained. "Another Spectre is going to be working with security there. He was griping at me about how it's a waste of his talents."

"He sounds grumpy," Lena commented as she sat down at her desk and started typing at the terminal.

Nihlus laughed. "Oh, yes. If it's one thing Saren is, it's grumpy," he chortled, leaning against the open door as he watched Lena work. "He was my mentor you know. Evaluated me for the Spectres."

"He's your friend then?"

"I don't think Saren has friends, to be honest," he shrugged. "But if he does, I'm about as close as it gets."

"That's kind of sad," she said, glancing at him over the edge of the terminal.

"I think he prefers it that way," Nihlus told her, folding his arms across his chest as he frowned at the wall behind her. "He told me once that he doesn't allow himself 'weaknesses'. Don't think that turian would know what a 'date' was if it came up and bit him on the spur."

"I take it you tried?"

"Yeah. For all the good it did," he muttered with a shake of his head, dropping his arms to his sides afterwards. "But enough about 'grumpy'. Tell me about this Ceremony! I take it that if My'liya is involved that it'll be somewhat unhinged?"

"I mean, so far, no? But I have like, a week to get everything together. Not only do I need to get my hands on fucking Hanar mindfish oil, which is gonna be a headache and a half, but I also have to get some asari Honey-Mead! In a week!" Lena leaned back in her chair and resisted the urge to grab handfuls of her hair. "I can call in favors, but I honestly don't know if it'll be enough."

Humming, Nihlus activated his omni tool and scrolled through his contacts, gloved talons flicking across the hard-light screen as he typed up a quick message.

"You'll have a case of Honey-Mead delivered to you in two days," he rumbled after a moment, trying not to laugh when Lena gave him a shocked look. "What? I have connections too! Spectre, remember? Besides, it isn't every day I get the opportunity to abuse my authority for a good cause."

She blinked at him, then laughed softly. "'A good cause', huh?"

His mandibles quirked in a turian smile. "The best."

"Smooth-talker." Chuckling, Lena finished the requisitions forms and sent them to her supplier, then composed a quick message to her accountant, letting Koran know about the funds she'd transferred to her business account. "Okay. Done. Let's get out of here before my supplier shows up and has a panic attack on my doorstep."

"I'll call a Skycar," Nihlus told her as he followed her out, watching her lock the office door before she dimmed all the bar's lights.

The dull noise of the Wards welcomed them as they stepped out of the building, and he automatically let his gaze dart around their surroundings, checking for escape routes or possible threats. He was armed, of course, the pistol holstered at his hip a comforting weight, his Spectre status allowing him to remain armed wherever he went throughout the Citadel.

The whoosh of the arriving shuttle refocused him, and he made certain to help Lena into the Skycar before circling around and getting into the main seat.

Lena waved to someone as they took off, headed for the Presidium, and he tilted his head look at her, mandibles quirking in a fond smile as he studied her. Humans were always short compared to turians. And usually physically weaker. But she had a kind of strength in her that he'd never seem before.

It was... alluring. Her obvious disapproval of the still rampant xenophobia was a nice change. And her thoughts about Udina... so many humans believed themselves the 'next saviors of the galaxy, and it was... tiresome. But if her speech the night before had any weight, she was one of the few that had a more open mind to things.

Nihlus didn't realize he'd been staring at her until she looked at him, pale blue eyes questioning, and he merely smiled at her in return, subvocals singing reassurance to her when she blushed a lovely shade of pink.

"Sorry," he purred. "Didn't mean to stare."

"Somehow I don't believe that," Lena told him with a nervous smile, raising a hand to tuck the locks on the left side of her head behind her ear. "You keep doing that to me."

He tilted his head at her, a worried chirp leaving him. "Doing what?"

"Making me blush."

"Is that... Should I stop?"

"No! No, it's not a bad thing. I just..." Lena paused and frowned. "I guess I'm so used to being ready for the worst that I forgot what it's like to have something good happen. If that makes sense?"

This time he made sure to let out a reassuring noise in a level that she could hear. "It does make sense, Lena. If it helps, I promise to make sure that this 'good thing' keeps being good. If you're up to it?"

She eyed his tri-fingered right hand as he held it out to her, and surprised herself by not hesitating as she slid her smaller hand into his, feeling the strength of his grip as he curled his fingers around hers. "Deal."

.

.

.

tbc

[missyasf]

Game Of Hearts

| 1 |

↳ Summary: Your life is in monotonous tones of grey, day in, day out. Nothing matters besides your sister, the only thing you remember is seeing fireworks before waking up to Tokyo abandoned . Soon enough you are properly introduced to the deadly Borderlands where you must fight for your life in Games to survive. When things can’t possibly get worse soon division arises and rivalries are made. No matter what though, you are constantly plagued by a blonde who, no matter how hard you try, just can’t seem to go too far without.

↳ Pairing: Chishiya/Reader

↳ Genre: Angst, smut, thriller

Word Count: 11k

___| Next

Trigger Warning: ⚠️ much like the manga/Netflix adaptation this will be a dark fic which includes mentions of prostitution, attempted murder, child ab*se, sexual harassment, heavy grief and attempted suic*de among other things. Additional warnings will be added for chapters when triggers are brought up. Please read with caution if these are triggers for you or just skip all together! 

Side mention: This could be considered a prequel to the current Alice In Borderland. I’m writing based off the Manga bc I was a glutton and couldn’t wait no spoilers will be present as of...

Escapism

noun

the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy ♡ 

You had known all about this during your short lifespan, as a child you’d often play pretend with your sister that you were movie stars living in a five star hotel rather than the shitty busted up apartment on the wrong side of town. Escapism came in, many forms. It was often a way for people to cope psychologically, simply because sometimes, facing the reality of your situation can be too much for one person to handle mentally. 

Or at least, that was the topic of your lecture today in class. The human mind always fascinated you. Even at the young tender age when your mom died and you watched your once cozy little family fall apart piece by piece until nothing was left in its wake. 

It was your fascination that drove you now for most things, why? Why, why, why? You always wondered what the motive was behind someone’s actions, not only thing but you wanted to  understand them better, to try and sympathize. You were already fairly intuitive in nature. It wasn’t difficult to read people. In fact your line of work made it easy, you’d watch a man who would be excited to be with you reach for his left finger as if used to touching something. A wedding band perhaps? 

The lowlife cheater was fairly common in a whore house after all. Or the man who had been pissy this morning behind you in line because you had decided to try something new on the menu and you weren’t fast enough, obviously because he was tardy and woke up late, his shirt unbeknownst to him was button the wrong way and his tie loose and even the way his hair fell were all signs of being late to work. 

It was the little things you noticed in people’s facial expressions, the way they moved and spoke. You could read people like a book, and sure sometimes it was useful. But you often wished you weren’t so perceptive. It drove you mad knowing when a potential love interest was no longer interested through a simple text or a friend not wanting to talk by their tone. Sometimes you wished you could just blot it all out, still, you lived like this day in and day out, you were used to this kind of thing and honestly. Friends? Love? Your gaze dropped a little to your feet, the pumps you were wearing a jet black and the heel too high for any respectable woman to ever wear. 

...It wasn’t like you ever had any of those in your life and you had struggled to come to terms with the fact that you could survive without that kind of support. Still...it made you envious, the couple happily holding hands on the sidewalk. The group of friends all laughing at a table while they studied. Oftentimes these feelings are muted, but when you’re faced with something you’ve always craved, those muted feelings suddenly become hyperactive in your mind. 

It’s pathetic, honestly. 

“How dare you! You disgusting slut!” 

In this moment however, you were brought back to reality at just what was happening, you squeaked loudly as you dodged the shoe the woman had thrown at you. This was all a regular occurrence, you had a lot of regulars who weren’t the most amazing people but hey, money was money. But along with them they also left a trail which their wives and girlfriends always followed. And then they always blamed you instead of their partner for leaving them for a prostitute despite you never having agreed to anything such as that.

It really wasn’t your fault, you were just trying to make a living while juggling with keeping up your own education, paying your fathers debts, rent and still somehow getting food on the table. What part time college job could provide that?

Prostitution wasn’t a job you would’ve gone into willingly but given the past and your trauma that was already laced in it you had been learning that sometimes because of the trauma we experience, sometimes people go back to that same trauma and actively participate in it as a way of feeling like they’re in control. 

That whatever happened before, would never happen again if you were in control. You weren’t sure if you qualified under this category, trauma came in many forms but the one most used as an example in your class was that a study showed that women who were assaulted often develop a kink for consensual non consent as a way of coping with what happened, except this time, it’s in a controlled environment where it can end the moment they want it too. 

Again, you weren’t sure you fell into this category, but you often wondered if your line of work was intertwined with your earlier memories when you were younger, if anything it brought comfort to you. Much of it, blotted out now simply because your mind couldn’t take it. Trauma expressed through amnesia was also much more common than many thought, and it’s so small, so easy to miss. After all how can you be aware of something if you have no memory of it anymore?

“Security!” Your manager screeched, two of the bodyguards were already between you and the feral woman who was ready to gut you clean as she screamed hysterically, her husband...your regular....at her side trying to get her to calm down only for her to come to her senses and slap him clean across the face. You didn’t condone violence, but he did have it coming...

You weren’t about to justify cheaters, you couldn’t imagine the hurt someone had to feel that not only did their partner cheat on them, but it was with someone...like you...You had been trying not to put down your job occupation, sex workers were just as valid as anyone else...you knew you would’ve thought this way if it was anyone but you in this position. 

You sighed as you ran your hands through your hair, watching the couple get dragged out of the tight space of the brothel, “Jesus christ....didn’t you say you stopped using perfume because of this?” Miki, your manager sighed as she crossed her arms. You didn’t want to say your manager was your friend but she was the closest you had as you’d often complain to her about most of your problems. Sex work often attracted broken people, it wasn’t something she wasn’t used to. 

“Yeah, but apparently he never got around to washing his clothes…” You wiped your mouth on the back of your hand, “Lipstick stain,” You glanced down at the ruby pink color that stained your skin now, “Fuck...that did hurt.” You rubbed your sore cheek that was still throbbing from where she had first slapped it when she ripped the door open of the room where she got to see with her own eyes you riding her husband. 

It had happened so many times now you weren’t even embarrassed about someone walking in let alone a partner. Miki gave you a lopsided smile as she patted your shoulder, “Guess that just pays for being one of the best here. Did you at least get paid.” 

You nodded, “Yeah, I always make them pay in advanced but I was hoping to get a tip afterwards...He was a lawyer so you know he had good money.” You sighed, crossing your arms, you were well aware of his partner because a lot of the time he didn’t even come in for sex anymore. It was funny how humans work. 

He often felt his wife was overbearing and you had suspected some sort of verbal abuse by the way he talked about her constant screaming. Truthfully, you don’t think he ever intended on cheating with her. He just wanted someone to talk to without being judged, you could relate with sympathy to that, but he unfortunately chose to walk into a brothel instead of a therapy clinic and this truly was the only inevitable outcome. Still, you hope if for anyone’s sake, he gets that divorce for himself. 

 “Hey I think I’m gonna call it a day. I need to get back to Nanami, she was wanting to talk to me about college applications.” You sighed as you rubbed your neck, ever since she had graduated high school she had been chomping at the bit to start applying for college, maybe to just get out of the house and into a dorm. You couldn’t blame her and if she did that it would lighten your load a little. 

Guilt washed over you at the thought as Miki chuckled, “They grow up pretty fast huh? My brother was the same way, except the moment he found out I was a sex worker was the moment he called me a whore and we haven’t talked since. That was probably about five years ago,” She crossed her arms as she sighed, “Crazy how the things we do for the ones we love, never appreciate our effort...I’ll see you tomorrow then?” 

“If I’m not bruising.” You offered a weak smile as you nodded at her before going back to your room to get changed. Truthfully, you much like anyone else, often wished you could go to a world where reality wasn’t a concept any longer. Where you could lay out in the sun for the whole day and just soak up it’s rays with no worries or trepidations. 

But sooner then later everyone had to face their fears. Even you, you supposed. But no matter how hard you fought your demons, they always came back tenfold. Again, you supposed your story was no different from tens of thousands, and yet you all live on regardless. Maybe it’s you who should be the one seeking therapy. Pulling on your jeans and the cropped top over your head before pulling the jacket over your arms and grabbing your bag. 

The walk home was as quiet as ever, your hood over your head and earbuds any unwanted attention, it wasn’t too late at night, only eleven PM and your work had just been getting started but that had ruined the night for you and besides, you had already failed a test today, you could use the sleep tonight. 

Occasionally you’d hear the sirens of  a cop car passing by or a bystander shout, nothing out of the ordinary in this neighborhood. Walking up to the apartment complex you pulled the key from your bag as you unlocked the door. Quietly stepping insides as you shut the door before locking it once more. Your nose wrinkled at the smell of stale air mixed with rotten...something…

If anything, you were always lacking in something, you had been so busy most of the day that you never had time to clean anything leaving the house in a horrible state. Not that you thought this was much of a house. 

Walking down the narrow hallway you opened the rickety door with a missing lock as you gave a brief smile to the small clump of bedsheets. Your sister was curled up and on her phone, eyes darting to the door with a hint of fear before she jumped up, “Y/n! You’re home earlier from night shift already!?” 

You offered a smile as you set down your bag and nodded, sitting down on the mattress that laid on the floor as you replied, “Yeah, a coworker needed the extra hours so I let them cover for me tonight. Besides, you wanted to talk about college applications?” Your sister was under the impression your late night job was bartending at some hole in the wall downtown, where in all actuality you just went there to drink a few days and talk to the loud and sometimes obnoxious, but good hearted bartender who loved talking about his nerdy underaged friends that couldn’t do anything beside stay and drink soda. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t think your sister would accept you, if she knew what you were actually doing. Fear, most times came in many different forms and this was one of them. You simply didn’t want to be judged, even by her. So nobody in your life truly knew who you were, and therefore, how could you hold the expectation for people to accept you into society if you were already self sabotaging yourself? 

All philosophy aside, you were simply a lost soul, looking for your way in the cruel reality called life. 

“Yes!” Nanami was chipper as always as she squealed, clapping her hands, “I…! I was thinking about applying to the university you attend! Maybe I'll get a grant and move into the dorms there? I already applied for several jobs, I’m just waiting on a callback!” 

You offered a small smile as you hugged your knees to your chest, “I think you’d like it there, there’s lots to do around campus. But what will you go in for? The only advice I can offer is be sure it’s what you want to do.” 

Nanami’s face faltered a little as she hummed, “Well...I thought maybe working with animals? I’d love to be an assistant surgeon in veterinarian? I know it’s a pretty...sad job but...I really like the idea of being able to heal such innocent things.” Your smile tugged into a gentle one at your sister. She was too tender for this world.

It had been your goal sense the day your mother died that you took care of your sister, it didn’t matter what happened to you. You could rot for all you cared at the end of the day, all you wanted was to look up and see your sister's smile and her happiness in life blossom. She more than anyone deserved it. 

“I think you’ll be great at it.” You encouraged as you rested your chin on your hand, always happy to see her bounce in excitement as you yawned, your body was used to your demanding schedule but it was always more than happy to welcome a few extra hours of sleep.”

Hearing the door loudly slam close caused you both to jump, Nanami hurriedly crawled back in bed, pretending to be asleep as you frowned. Your dad must’ve come back home from wherever he was. 

“Y/n! Just stay here! Can’t you talk to him later?” Nanami looked scared, she always did when he was around. But you weren’t about to stand down to the bastard any day of the week, you offered a weak smile as you replied. 

“It’s fine Nami, I’ll be just a few minutes.” You replied, you knew that she knew, that was probably a lie. But you’d try your best, for her sake at least. But somebody had to put this guy in his place occasionally and it was always you. It results in a lot of screaming sometimes, other times he’d break down in tears or on a bad occasion you’d get shoved to the ground, a few times hit. Nothing major. 

Walking out of the room you leaned against the wall of the entrance of the hallway watching your father stumble around in the living room, “Did you finally talk to the loan company?” You called out as you asked, not in a forgiving mood tonight. He had said he’d do this for two weeks in a row. The company that sank your whole family into the ground. The reason your mother couldn’t take it anymore and put a blade to her wrist. 

Your father stood up, looking a little wobbly, obviously drunk, “Now listen here little girl I don’t have shit to own to you or anyone else.” You sighed as you tucked your tongue into your cheek, annoyance flowing inside you as you straightened up. You weren’t going to be bullied into being scared of this guy. 

“Actually you do,” Your smile twisted into something more sharp, more bitter and sinister as you walked forward, “See, if you hadn’t of gotten involved in something shady like loan sharks we wouldn’t be drowning in debt and mom wouldn’t have killed herself because of you and both your daughters wouldn’t hate you. I know you drink away all our money in some pathetic attempt to escape from the cold reality that you fucked up your whole life and watched your family slip from your fingers while not even trying to do anything other then put us in further shit,” You closed your eyes as you tilted your head, “But the least you could do, is admit that. You owe us at least that for being a total fuck up.” 

You opened your eyes to find pure rage brewing in your fathers eyes as you smiled once more, this time a false sense of sickly sweet tone to it as you shrugged, “Or you could live in denial, at this point, there really isn’t anything you can do to get anyone back ♡ ” 

You had turned around, planning to tell Nanami that maybe she should go sleep over at a friends house today but you never got the chance, suddenly being slammed into the wall and flecks of spit hitting your face, “I am your fucking father! I deserve respect from you and your worthless sister! Do you know how much I provide for you both?” 

Anger splintered through your veins as you grabbed onto his wrists, his fingers digging into your neck as you squirmed, “Like fucking what!? A shitty broken down apartment that your vacant from because you’re too fucking ashamed of yourself to even look at us sober!?” 

Much like years in the past you weren’t surprised to hear Nanami cry as she rushed out of the room at the sound of you both screaming, “Stop!” She cried out, trying to break you both up, “Stop! Don’t fight! Why…! Why can’t we all just get along!” She sobbed only for your dad to shove her down making her curl up in defeat. 

Alarm bells were triggered in your head at the sight of Nanami on the ground, she had never actually gotten hurt while in your sight and it was triggering something deep inside you as you watched him stalk up to her. Your hands shaking and rage boiling in your mind as you grabbed the closet thing you could find. An empty beer bottle on the table. 

Your vision blurred and you don’t quite remember what happened other than glass shattering over his head and the brute force of you shoving something before blood was stained on your hands. 

How did you end up sitting against the wall? Why was there….blood on your hands…? Your fingers trembled at the metallic sticky substance. All you could hear were Nanami’s sobs and cries as she frantically pushed herself away from the body slumped on the ground. 

“You…! He…!” Nanami’s eyes brimmed with tears as you heard a loud boom making you jump, your eyes darting to the open window where….fireworks, big and bold crashed and crackled before you felt like you were sucked into a vortex making your whole vision black out. 

Your head felt fuzzy and there was ringing in your ears as you groaned, curling up into yourself as the darkness beckoned you closer before you forcibly opened your eyes. You were laying against the hardwood floor. Beams of light streaked through the window and you could see dust particles in the air against the shower of sunshine that streamed in. 

...Wait...Light? The thought had perplexed your head enough to make you push up from the ground, memories pulling into your mind as your breath became shallow, suddenly looking to the side where...you slumped against the wall. It must’ve just been a bad dream….your eyes flickered to Nanami’s curled up figure...a really vivid dream…? Something wrenched in your gut as you rubbed your eyes. What happened? “Nami…!” You whispered, forcing your muscles to move despite their protest as she whined. 

After another moment she reluctantly opened her eyes, flickering around before she suddenly scrambled up, taking a deep breath as if realizing what had happened before, looking towards where your dad once was she frowned, “...I...What…” She seemed just as perplexed as you and if her face was anything to go by, last night had obviously happened, “Is dad…” She looked at the absent place of the floor. 

Leaning against the wall your eyes darted around the room, “I guess so…” You silently felt relief at knowing your dad was still very much alive as you leaned back as you closed your eyes, trying to remember what had happened before everything went dark...oh..! The fireworks...had it been a celebration last night? Your brows pinched together, something felt...off...getting up you opened the door to the apartment walking out. 

“Y/n? Y/n! Hey! Where are you going!” Nanami called out, quickly chasing after you as you frowned, cars were parked odd and there was no one out on the street...as in...at all...Something was very wrong and you couldn’t figure out what. 

“Wow...it..must be a slow day…” Nanami felt a sense of discomfort at the lack of life as you both walked down the side walk, it didn’t just feel like a slow day it felt, apocalyptic. As if humanity just left on it’s own leaving nothing but an empty city behind. Cars were parked on the curb and a few even left in the street.

“No, it’s like everyone vanished...This is really weird.” You wrapped your arms around yourself as you frowned, looking around as you came closer to where typically it would be a booming part of the downtown but it was empty, just as everything before. 

“Well, maybe it’s a national holiday?” Nanami rubbed her head, trying to make sense of the situation just as much as you, surely everyone wasn’t...gone...right? She looked around as she bit her lip, second guessing herself at all the cars that were vacant, “Hey Y/n.” 

You paused as you looked at your sister, curving an eyebrow as she offered a weak smile, “What if everyone got raptured away like they talk about in christanity?” Your expression flattened as she giggled, obviously getting a rise out of you as you crossed your arms. 

Raptured? Where? To heaven? “Wouldn’t it be fire and brimstone then if that was the case?” Nanami pouted at your words as you shrugged, snickering yourself at her expression, the tables now turned as you sighed, “I don’t think there’s anyone left in Tokyo...I mean, it feels like...we’d have seen someone by now...right?” 

“Well…” Nanami frowned once more, a little disturbed at your words as she spoke, “There’s no way everyone could be gone I mean, where would they go? And how could we miss something like that...Maybe the police found us and now we’re under some weird simulation.” 

Chills spilled down your spine as you shoved her making her whine, “Don’t say that! That makes me feel all weird…! I didn’t…!” You cut yourself off, you didn’t what? Murder your own dad in cold blood...you looked down at your hands, they were free of any blood but it still felt like something like sin lingered. Like no matter where you went, it would always be stuck to you.

You didn’t like this, not one bit. Briefly you felt the urge to go hunt down your dad, he was a deadbeat but you would never...you’d never kill him....Right?

“Well…” Nanami hummed her eyes scanning ahead before they jumped to the mall that was up ahead, “Hey…! If nobody is here...maybe we could make use of it! Come on! Let's go!” You yelped at her grabbing your arm before dragging you ahead. Cars were all parked and yet not a single person exited through the mall's entrance. Something just felt off! You wrapped your arms around yourself as you warily looked around the empty mall, “Nanami I really don’t like this!” You looked around, concern bubbling inside you as she ran ahead into the store, digging through the section of clothes as she giggled. 

“Relax! I doubt any of this is real and even so…! Who’s going to stop us!?” She shrugged as she bounced in excitement, “Oh my god! I had dreamed of something like this happening! Now we can do whatever we want! Go wherever we want! Y/n!” She gasped with a smile, “Now we don’t even have to worry about money!” 

“We don’t even know if this is permanent.” You looked around warily, not partaking as she began plucking off the racks, “Regardless of what this is, I don’t like it. I want to go back home, our home. This just doesn’t…” You shook your head, “This just doesn’t feel right.” 

“Well you can feel that way!” Nanami clacked her tongue as she gave a childish smile, “But I’m gonna go through this whole store and get a new wardrobe so feel free to sit on the bench and tell me what you think looks good!” 

Looking away you sighed, unable to pinch the anxious feeling you had away as you sat down reluctantly as Nanami went into the changing room. Well...at least she was smiling and she was happy...With each outfit Nanami tried out and giggled, you giggled with her and maybe things weren’t so bad after all…

“What a perfect day.” Nanami hugged you close as she sighed, yawning as you looked up at the sky in awe, you had seen a single star while living in Tokyo before, but now it was filled with constellations and millions of stars that stretched for miles. You could stare at it for days and days. The sun had just set a little over half an hour ago and you were ready to retire and find something to eat at the apartment. 

You and Nanami had tried going to the food court but much to your dismay everything had been...rotten...soiled and ruined, meaning there was no point in trying to find anything there and you were getting really hungry despite devouring bags of chips you had both got at the convenient store, another thing that stood out to you was that there was no electricity...at all..

Looking back up to the sidewalk something caught your eyes...was that…! Light!? “Hey! Nanami look!” You shook her making her squeak as she looked up ahead, “It’s the hospital! They have electricity there which means there’s other people! Of course! Why didn’t we think to check essential areas!? Come on! Lets go! I wanna figure out what happened.” 

“Alright! It sucks that this is already over but at least I can finally charge my phone, the battery is pretty low.” Nanami nodded in agreement as you both made your way up the road. 

The walk wasn’t too far and you felt excitement fill you at the sight of the hospital all lit up as you walked into the entrance, a frown slowly setting on your lips once more as you walked past the receptionist desk and…! Oh there’s other people! 

You felt relief wash over your as you ran up, there were at least seven other other people here at least! “Hey! Guys oh my god. I thought everyone was gone! What’s going on?” You asked, smiling bright in relief that you and Nanami weren’t the only ones left behind. Was this some kind of evac point or…?

Silence ensued and you slowly began to frown as you felt everyone stare at you as if you were insane, “Um…” You wrapped a hand around your arm, suddenly feeling as if everyone knew something you didn’t, “What’s going on…?” You furrowed your brows as you tilted your head, unsure of why everyone was looking at you like this. 

Somebody looked like they were going to talk to you, a guy relatively around your age but a woman stopped him- his girlfriend maybe? “Stop, the less that know the better chance we have.” She said quietly though you still heard just enough. Fear twisted inside you as you took a cautious step back...The...the less you knew? 

“Wow, you guys are assholes,” A girl suddenly whistled out, she was sitting in a waiting chair, a cowboy hat on her head paired with distressed jeans and...a bikini top? Strange but you’d roll with it if it meant getting answers. She stood up as she offered a smile, “Akari, nice to meet ya’. You folk must be new to the Borderlands huh?” She jutted her bottom lip a little as you frowned. 

“Um I’m Y/n and this is my sister Nanami...?” You introduced yourself despite feeling confused as you raised a brow, “Borderlands…?” You echoed, what was that supposed to be? Other than Tokyo?

Akari gave a nod as she let out a brief chuckle, as if amused by your confusion but you sensed she had no real ill will unlike....your eyes checked to the couple that stood off in the corner on their own, “That’s what they call it here,” She nodded in affirmation as your eyes darted back to her in confusion, “To be frank with ya’, I don’t have a damn clue what's going on. Nobody does. But ever since you crossed the threshold there’s no going back, so I’ll be brief. We’re all considered outsiders here and we participate in games at venues such as this to extend our stay.”

Nanami and you looked at one another confused as Akari waved you over to the table in front of a TV, “Here, you’ll wanna put these on, it’s for the game.” She explained as you carefully picked up the metal bracelet, something about it felt ominous as you reluctantly put it on, jumping at the way it latched together and there was no getting it off now, “Word of advice, just don’t panic and you probably won’t die.” 

“What?!” You screeched as Akari smacked your back, panic evident in your voice as you turned around to face her making her laugh again, this girl was insane! She had to be! “You’re…! You’re joking!” 

Akari wrinkled her nose as she tilted her head, “Ah shit, I wish I was- Oh…! There’s the last player!” Just on que everyone turned to look at who had arrived, someone heaving breaths with their hands on their knees as if they had sprinted. You were mildly worried at why he seemed so scared but you had a feeling that was the least of your problems right now.

“Y/n what’s going on…?” Nanami frightened grabbed your arm as she hid a little behind you due to all these immensing strangers that looked like they were ready to feed you to the sharks, literally. 

The guy walked past you both as he put on his bracelet, your eyes sharp as you watched it latch together automatically, your gaze jumping to everyone's wrists to notice you were all now wearing one. The TV suddenly lit up. 

Game 

You squinted your eyes a little at the sight of the screen, just what were you about to unwillingly participate in…?

Difficulty: 5♣

“The game you will be participating in is, Monster under the bed.”

A playing card? Monster under the bed? Your brows furrowed as you looked at Nanami who shrugged a little despite her concerned expression, looking just as confused as you. You could’ve made a joke out of this, surely it would’ve been easier. Maybe everyone would bust out laughing and you’d be at the end of a poor joke but...somehow you felt that wasn’t the case. Thus paying very close attention to whatever was on this screen, 

“Everyone will be sectioned off into pairs by the number chosen on your bracelet, when the doors to the ward open you will have three rounds ten minutes each to figure out who is the monster under the bed that must be returned to its own, once the ten minutes is up you must hide before you are found. If the selected pair that is the monster is chosen correctly it’s a Game Clear.  If the monster is not found by the end of the third round or if the pair fails to hide it’s a Game Over.” 

Rules: 

Once the doors are open you and your partner must find a hiding spot by the time limit

Both partners must be hidden. If one is exposed to the monster it’s a Game Over for both partners

There will be an X marked on the ground to place the monster of your guess onto. 

You will have three rounds of ten minutes each to find the monster.

Any attempt to remove bracelets results in a Game Over

If the monster is not found by the third round a Game Over.

The only Game Clear condition required is for the monster to be returned by the third round.

What…

What!? 

“Now the game will commence, you have five minutes to figure out who you have been paired up with before the doors open.”

Your mind was blanking as you watched everyone look down at their bracelet, hurriedly you lifted your arm as your mind blanked 2 looking back at Nanami her lips were already quivering as she sniffled lifting her arm in defeat as your lips dropped open, 5.

“Hey! Guess you’re my partner!” Akari grinned as she wrapped an arm around Nanami who sniffled, “Oh…” She looked between you both, “Oh! Oh don’t worry! We’re not the monster so I’ll make sure your sister lives! You should go find your partner.” 

Your hands trembled unsure of what to do before you went to hug Nanami, “Whatever happens just stay calm okay! I need to go find my partner now!” You whispered, kissing her cheek as she sniffled while nodding. 

Everybody was shuffling around looking for their partner now, you passed by a few people, 4, 1, 3...did you even have a partner…? You scanned around, your throat tightening a little in panic, there had to be a mistake! There were only 8 people surrounding you- you yelped at the tight grip that suddenly held your arm forcing you to turn around to be met with a white hooded figure, a lollipop handle hanging and earbuds in before sighing, “So it appears I’m stuck with someone useless.” The man concluded as he stood up making you back away a little as your lips parted somewhat indignantly. 

How...how rude! You looked up, unable to fully make out his face but you could tell you didn’t like him one bit, “I’ll…! First of all I’m not useless! I’m just trying to understand what's going on! This is insane! We aren’t actually going to die from this, are we!?” Pushing his hood down you were immediately met with a snide gaze and cat eyes that leered at you like you were nothing more then dirt beneath his feet, long blonde hair pushed behind his shoulders and his bangs hanging low, suddenly a viscous side smile appeared on his lips, “Apparently so, otherwise I wouldn’t have watched half my last game get their brains blown out and the other half hung.” 

You reeled a little away from the blonde, your face dropped in semi horror, unsure if this was just a sick joke or he was serious. You searched his face a thousand times over, but for the first time in your life, you couldn’t figure out what his goal was. You couldn’t figure out anything about him, except he was exceptionally cold, “Well I don’t suppose I have much choice to doubt you,” He said with an annoying sing song tone as he rattled his wrist that showed the bracelet with a matching 2 on it, “My name is Chishiya, just stay out of my way and we’ll both live.” 

How arrogant! You scoffed as he walked past you, not the least bit bothered at your offense as you whipped around, glaring at his back. How come out of everyone you got stuck with the most…! Pompous! Arrogant! Ugh! You crossed your arms as you followed behind him, stilling secretly sending daggers into his back with your eyes as everyone shuffled into the ward. 

Hospital beds were scattered around the room, a few closets and one large vent at the bottom right corner of the room ahead. 

“Wait, what is this?” The first person to speak was a fair thin older gentleman, he appeared friendly as he observed the room around him, everyone looked around in confusion as you noticed what he meant. 

Any possible hiding spot was covered by either sheets of metal or locked tight...How were any of you supposed to hide if…!? The rules mentioned nothing about solving puzzles to gain access to a hiding spot!

“Forget that,” Another man said with a sneer he was broad and a bit older, well into his late twenties at least, perhaps a gym coach? Or maybe a wrestler of some sort? He looked like he could break you and nearly every other person in this room like a twig, “We need to figure out who’s the monster. “ He cracked his knuckles as you leered a little away and nobody spoke for a second. 

Of course, who would out themselves as the monster, more importantly, how does one even know they’re the monster? You could immediately feel tension rise as the previous, more patient man spoke, a little more collected, “How about we just check one another's’ watches! If anywhere it would show us on that! One pair should work on solving these puzzles here so everyone has a place to hide” 

“Unless the monster is among us and it sabotages us so we all die by the time limit.” The girlfriend crossed her arms as she darted her eyes around. Truthfully you didn’t know what to believe, the wording on the soundbox was rather confusing as to just what were you looking for. Was the monster supposed to be in the group or it’s own entity?

“If that were the case it would’ve showed up on our watches, which it didn’t. So that won’t work.” Chishiya spoke matter of fact, his tone cool as his eyes gazed across the room before he walked away from the group inspecting various hiding spots granted you didn’t think he was about to help anyone but himself, if anything you were at least lucky that him securing a hiding spot meant it was one for you as well. 

You looked at everyone in confusion, some arguing while others scattered to look for a hiding spot as the clock ticked down. You breathed in relief at the sight of Nanami and Akari both going for a bed to hide under. Your gaze finally found Chishiya’s form before following him, unsure of what you were supposed to do, if anything outside trying to figure out just what the monster even was. 

You glanced up at the digital clock that stood above the entrance you had just come in from, it was already a minute in before you searched the floor where you found a red X in the center of the room, that must’ve been the...what? Offering spot? You cringed a little at the idea. Looking forward you peered behind Chishiya’s shoulder deciding to not think about that, it seemed the metal sheet that had wrapped around the bed and was sealed to the ground was locked by some sort of metal device…? Contraption? Lock?

“Isn’t hiding under a bed a bit obvious…?” You frowned as you crossed your arms, unsure as you looked behind your shoulder once more to where accusations were already being thrown in the group. 

“The vent is a decoy to make you waste time, I already checked,” Chishiya replied, his fingers nimble as they rattled the metal, “And even if someone were to accomplish it in the time limit it’s the most obvious spot the monster would first check. Next would be the closet given it’s at eye level and the first thing one is drawn too when they walk into a room.” 

Your lips parted a little in surprise at his assessment...obviously he wasn’t just overconfident, “And why this spot?” If he had really thought about all this in less than a minute then...did he have a reason for this spot? You now found yourself, slightly less annoyed and a little more curious as to what was going on in his mind. 

“If the monster were to check a bed it would be after his eyes are drawn to the closet. Next in that line of sight would be the vent directly across it, which would be his next place to look if not his first and vice versa. The beds are all staggered throughout the room making them less conspicuous compared to the other hiding places, the bed on the far end of the room would be no good.” 

Your brows furrowed in curiosity at his assessment as you watched Chishiya blow a piece of hair from his face, wiggling out one piece of the knotted metal, “It’s too far from the entrance where as the one in the middle is by average the one most people would start with, where as the first? It’s almost too soon in the start to look there thus making it the safest.” 

“It’s them! They’re over there conspiring!” You both twisted around to watch the broad man point an accusing finger at you both as your eyes darted from him to the clock on the wall, which read at six minutes. A few other pairs, relievingly so was your sister had started working on a hiding spot while a few others stood around and argued. 

Your face coiled a little as you replied, not appreciating the accusation to such a baseless accusation, did they not realize the longer they argued the less time they had to secure a hiding spot? “Someone who’s terrible at playing the minority would often be the first to point fingers. There’s only six minutes left before the first round is over and we need to hide. But if you want to talk about this then sure,” 

You stepped closer as you crossed your arms, scanning over him before continuing, “Let’s talk about the chances of you being the monster, ever since you first came in you’ve been all twitchy and acting like something is wrong. Even when we first got paired up, you seemed a little panicked. Anyways,” You turned around as you spoke, “How do we know one pair is a monster and not one single person?” 

“Eh,” Akari sat on the bed that her and Nanami chose as Nanami fumbled to work out the puzzle, she had always been good at those! You felt assured as your heart beat frantically at the idea of them not being able to get a hiding spot in time, “Let’s all calm down,” She gave an awkward laugh, “This isn’t a hearts game, we shouldn’t divide our trust. This is a team building after all which means this game should be making us work together, the last thing we need to do is throw that away on our own accord.” 

“...Team building?” You frowned as you murmured having not been aware that this was some sort of game category...Hearts? Clubs? The memory of the playing card flashing on the screen appeared in your mind again, right...was that to stand for some kind of game genre? If Clubs stood for team building then...there should be no reason that the monster is any of you. Why would they even suggest that to begin with?

Then...what was the monster? 

“One minute remaining.”

The lights suddenly began flickering, “Got it.” Chishiya yanked the last piece of metal undone as he pulled the sheet of metal off, everyone was now scrambling and the few who had not done their puzzle were now panicking. Getting down you crawled under the bed, your back flat to the ground as you inhaled sharply as you noticed the lights beginning to dim, “This is...uncomfortable.” You mumbled, trying to ignore being pressed shoulder to shoulder with a man you didn’t even know besides him having a god complex, “We should’ve went with the vent.” 

“By all means, if you want to try and get yourself killed already. Go for it.” You turned to look at him, dark endless cat eyes meeting you as you harshly glared at him, why was he so condescending!? 

You were about to snap back something before you realized it was completely dark and the door slammed open causing you to jump. Was your heart always this loud? You could see the heavy boots step against the ground making you unsteadily inhale, swallowing as you closed your eyes. You could only place your trust that Chishiya hadn’t picked a horrible spot. 

More importantly your mind was plagued with worry for your sister, you had been so caught up you hadn’t even tried to help her yet...did she even…! You heard a sudden loud scream from two people causing you to stiffen as you looked up at the bed frame lined with wooden planks. You could only cower back down at blood suddenly painting the floor.

Your stomach suddenly churned as you covered your mouth. So he wasn’t lying. Chishiya however looked just as nonpulsed as he did when he first told you himself, his eyes blankly staring up at the bed frame as if this was just a regular game of hide and seek as people screamed as they were torn apart. 

Or that’s at least what you assumed it was. 

After an agonizing few minutes the doors finally closed and the lights flickered back on making you breath in relief as you waited a moment, could you even bear to face what was waiting on the floor? You winced a little before something caught your eye. What was with all this extra wood stuck in the frame? 

Chishiya had already gotten out from under the bed and before you suddenly heard a few girls scream, your sister among them making you puff and breath as you scrambled from beneath the bed.

Standing up your mouth agape at the horrid sight of the female and the broad male that had been too focused on accusing others, they didn’t have...enough time...it looked like they had been completely mutilated, blood pouring on the floor and the smell made you want to gag as you looked away. 

“Well, now what do we do.” Akari scratched her head, also not looking phased that two people had just been brutally killed. Your eyes stayed placed on the bodies before they slowly trailed to your hands, the memory of blood staining them still fresh in your mind. 

“Well we have to figure out where the monster is?” The girlfriend of the couple spoke up, she looked around somewhat suspiciously, “But I’m not sure where we could find it? Maybe it has to do with the bracelets? Maybe there’s a clue hidden.” 

“Oh what about in the cabinets?” The collected man from before offered as he went to search the cabinets, your frown furthered as you glanced around. Everyone was now getting along, still on edge but along at least. 

Chishiya only leaned against the wall, his hands in his pocket as he rolled the lollipop in his mouth, his gaze the same steely one it was before as if he had done his job in securing his temporary salvation and was now done. 

Or maybe he just didn’t know what to do? It was obvious his strength didn’t lie in teamwork, clearly. But then again, you weren’t sure what was going on, you couldn’t get a read on him. Crossing your arms you stayed beside him, your eyes briefly washing over your sister who was working Akari to dig through a desk together. 

“Cabinets and drawers are too obvious.” 

Chishiya’s eyes flickered to your figure, his expression just as cold if not...a little smug maybe? He said nothing in return as you continued, “If we’re looking for a monster, it’s obvious it’s a metaphor for something. Inanimate most likely,” Your eyes flickered around the room, inhaling sharply, why did it feel like the answer was right in front of you? 

Think…! You glanced at the clock, only six minutes left. The rounds were really short…! “It’d be something small and inconspicuous, something that’s in plain sight….but easy to miss...and the game said it was a pair which means there’s more than likely two.” 

“Three,” You glanced at Chishiya as he spoke, pulling the lollipop from his mouth, that permanent smug look on his face as he answered, “Two is what they want you to think and if you spend a round searching for each like they hope it’s game over by three.” 

You rubbed your neck as you frowned, “It’s already the second round and we haven’t even found one…” You glanced around before you suddenly perked up, “Wait…!” Getting back down on the floor you laid on your back as you pushed yourself under the bed, “Chishiya! Help me get this thing out!” 

Within a moment the blonde appeared as well, his eye sharp and keen as they noticed straight away what you were tugging at, “You think this is the monster?” 

You looked at him as you raised a brow, “We have less than four minutes left on our second round, you have a better idea?” Chishiya said no more but helped regardless, successfully with the both of you maneuvering it around from beneath the wooden boards you managed to get it out. 

Holding it up you looked at it, “It’s a poppet doll.” You turned to face him as you smiled in accomplishment, “They’re typically used as curses to place upon people in folklore. If anything is a monster, this would be it.” 

Excited at your first victory you pulled out from beneath the bed as you waved it up, “Hey guys! We need to start looking for something similar to this! If not a replica.” Everyone huddled around you examining the doll before the microphone sounded, “One minute remaining.”

Everyone had immediately scrambled back to their hiding place as you ran to the red X, placing the poppet on it, that's the reason that had to be there right!? You’d just have to see, hurriedly you ran back to your spot under the bed. Making it just in time as the lights flickered off. 

The door slamming open once more as you slowly inhaled, it had to work right? If not...then you were at a loss for what to search for and you were utterly screwed. 

The boots stomped against the floor past the bed as you closed your eyes, unable to calm yourself. After a moment you heard a screech and something rip open before screams followed making you jump. Chishiya’s eyes were on the feet that stood by the closet that had been obviously ripped open. 

You heard the sound of something wet and a gurgle before a body slumped to the floor and you could hear begging before something got snapped in half causing you to close your eyes once more...Did you make it angry!? Was that not it? Fuck. You had never felt this stressed before as it roamed around, passing in front of your bed as you tensed.

Was this your last moment alive? Truly? 

Much to your relief, the door closed once more before the lights followed, flickering on, relaxing a little you sighed as you reluctantly got out from underneath the bed with Chishiya to see what had happened. Much to your horror it was the man who had been so kind this whole game and his partner. 

The monster didn’t check anywhere in the first round, yet he did this round? You tried to block out the bodies slumped in the corner as you glanced at the red X, the poppet doll gone. 

“Why- why were they killed!” Nanami’s eyes began to water as she grabbed her head, “This makes no sense!” 

“If it accepts the doll that means we only need two more. What happened to them is irrelevant.” Chishiya stuffed his hands back into his pocket as you glared at him sideways, not appreciating his careless tone. You could deal with it, but you didn’t want your sister dragged into it. 

Grabbing your chin you thought about it for a moment, “Well...the game said to return the monster to its own and…” You glance down at the X, was there some kind of unsaid rule that if you didn’t get all three of them on the first try that it would start hunting down players? “How would a mother feel if they only returned one of its children?” 

“This thing doesn’t have feelings,” The girlfriend of the partners replied coldly, her eyes like steel of her own as she clung to her boyfriend, “It’s as he said,” She waved to Chishiya, “It doesn’t matter, we’ll be like them if we don’t figure this out.” 

You glanced around the room, “Tell me this, if it doesn’t matter, then why did they give us all these different hiding spots?” Everyone was silent, all eyes on you as if your question didn’t make any sense, your eyes flickered to the clock that was nearing eight minutes, you didn’t have time to monologue, “No think about it. The monster never intended to look for us- that was never stated in the rules. So why did they give us all of these choices if we only needed one per pair? My point being, if we found one poppet in our hiding spot then...You get where I’m going with this? Chishiya.” 

He glanced up at you acknowledgement as you curved a brow, your lips threatening to tug into a smile as you tilted your head, “How confident are you in solving that vent?” 

He glanced back down and for the first time, you watch a cocky wide smirk twist onto his lips, “You’re lucky to have someone as smart as me here to be able to open it.” You tucked your tongue into your cheek as in annoyance as he sauntered over to the vent already getting to work, “As for everyone else, we need to open up as many of these as possible to find the other two.” 

Everyone immediately scrambled to get to work, with only seven minutes on the clock this was...going to be difficult. First Nanami and Akari searched all the opened spots as you worked on another bed. Rubbing your head as muttered, “Shit...I never was good with puzzles.” You awkwardly hung your head in defeat temporarily, briefly letting your eyes shift to Chishiya who was fiddling with several locks, his gaze sharp and you couldn’t even imagine all the calculations going on in his mind. You were somewhat envious of what it would be like to be that perceptive to anything adhering to logic and solution. 

“Aha! Found one!” Akari yanked the poppet from the top of the closest as Nanami covered her mouth, looking like she was gonna throw up being so close to so many dead bodies. You ignored the grisly sight at the second victory of the poppet doll. Akari quickly placed it on the X as you began to work on the puzzle once more, looking up at the clock. Oh no...Oh no there was only three minutes left!

“Chishiya! Hows that puzzle coming along.” You called out, trying not to sound alarmed but you could see the clear cut annoyance on his face as he continued working through the locks, “If you’d like to help while struggling on a novice lock feel free.” He replied condescendingly, not appreciating the pressure. 

You rolled your eyes with huff as you finally managed to get it undone, feeling triumphant as you searched under the bed but there was no luck, “There’s nothing here!”

“Or here!” 

Several people called out as well as you rubbed your head, standing up, “If the only other place that hasn’t been searched is the vent then maybe there’s only two? It did say a pair.” You felt a lump of anxiety well in your chest at the sight of the clock ticking close to a minute and half. 

“Should we really take the risk?” The boyfriend asked as he rubbed his neck, concern on his face as he looked around, “If we’re wrong then we’ll all…” 

You hadn’t even thought of that…

“...! Hey.” You turned to Chishiya who seemed to be trying to get your attention making you immediately come over, if he was asking for you it’d have to be for something important given there was nearly less then two minute on the clock, “Hold this right here.” He immediately pushed your hand onto the lock right where he wanted it, “This is a two handle mechanism meaning that there needs to be two people unlocking it. Push down and out at the same time.”

“Hide! Everyone needs to hide now!”

The lights were beginning to flicker as everyone scrambled to hide, stress evidently put on your shoulders now more than ever. You could only hope he was right with your life on the line, “Now!” You pushed down on your side, the lock sliding as you pulled out, pulling a piece of metal holding up the lock directly out as Chishiya did the same with his side. 

The lock fell off as well as the metal of the gate of the vent, you immediately with no hesitation leaned inside it was dark and hard to make it out anything besides the steep drop off. So he was right, this was a waste of time for a hiding place. 

Looking down you caught sight of wood before laughing in relief, “It’s here! Wait shit! Chishiya! It’s too far down in the vent, you’re gonna have to lower me down to reach it. Time?” 

“Forty five seconds.” You felt unfamiliar hands on your hips lifting you up as you were lowered down, “We have time.” 

You squinted trying to see as you reached down, “Lower me further! I’m not quite in reach,” Your muscles began to ache in your shoulder as you reached harder, growling in frustration, “Time!?” You were lowered a little further, the wooden poppet brushing against your fingers. 

“Thirty seconds! Could you go a little faster?” 

“Could you lower me a little quicker- Ah! Hey did you almost let go!?” You snarled back, grabbing the poppet doll, giving a good yank as it lodged in between the crevice it was in, “Get me back up! I got it. Time!” 

“Twenty seconds.” Chishiya called back, pulling you up as you gasped, pain from the metal jabbing into your stomach evident as you were met with a darkening room. Setting your feet firmly on the floor your eyes flew to the flock fifteen seconds and your spot was all the way across the room….! 

“Where are we supposed to hide!? We can’t get all the way there in time!” You hissed out running to the X as you dropped the poppet down. The lights shut off as the final five seconds counted down and before you could do anything you were shoved to the floor as you squeaked. Your body throbbing in pain and your mouth immediately covered as you were met with the coverage of a bed but neither one of you were bold enough to try and scramble beneath it as the doors slammed open. 

Fuck.

Your whole body was tense as your eyes squeezed shut, you were just a little ahead of the X here, if this is all the poppet dolls...they’d have no reason to go further into the room...unless...Your hand squeezed tight around the wrist of the hand that covered your mouth as you tried to calm yourself at the loud thudded footsteps. 

It was quiet for a moment before you heard more walking before the doors closed. 

“Game Cleared”

The lights turned on as you fell limp against the side of the bed, Chishiya’s hand removed from mouth as you pushed your hair from your face, closing your eyes as you breathed in relief, “Holy shit.” Was all you could mutter to yourself, you had never been more grateful to breathe air in your whole life. 

“I guess you weren’t that useless after all huh.” Chishiya clacked his tongue as you turned your head to look at him, raising your brows as your face contorted into something between insult and amusement. 

You’ve only known this man for a half an hour and yet...something about his words, if you dug down deep past that smug expression of his, was this a compliment? Looking away you pressed your tongue into your cheek, trying to keep from smiling, “Yeah, and you’re still conceited and arrogant but, I guess you have a good reason to be.” You glanced back at him again but you could hardly hold his gaze, something in that brief moment was electrified between you both as you laughed somewhat sheepishly, closing your eyes as you looked away once more. 

What the fuck was even wrong with you? If this was back before today you would’ve totally kicked this guy in the balls and went about your day.

“Y/n!” You straightened up at the sound of Nanami’s voice, your expression brightening as you stood up, quickly running to her as you hugged her tight, “I can’t believe that just happened…” She whispered to you as she pressed her face into your neck. You couldn’t either but, you were thankful you had survived this game. Whatever it was. 

“Come on, let's get out of this room.” You tugged on her arm, no longer wanting to be in this death room despite knowing it was all over. Pulling her out you paused at the sight of the TV and a...register…? You bracelet unlocked as you took it off, tossing it on the table as you tilted your head. 

“Congratulations Game ''Clear ``.''

“...Now issuing visas to those who survived the game…?” You furrowed your brows as you glanced at Nanami who rubbed her head in confusion. You grabbed the receipt as you looked it over with a frown before picking up the 5 of clubs playing card along with it. Odd. 

“It’s how many days you’re allowed to stay now! Almost a whole week, that's a good score for a first game!” Akari called out as she patted your back making you jump a little. 

Almost a whole week…”Until we have to play again to...continue our stay?” You raised a brow, deciding not to ask what happens if you refused. While you had many questions, you had a feeling you knew the answer to that one. 

A part of you couldn’t even believe this had happened, or was it all still a dream. 

“Hey…! Sorry for all of that in there,” You turned to see...oh…! It was the boyfriend of the partner, the gifrlfriend stayed behind looking brooding, “I’m Ryu and that’s my girlfriend Hiroko I was...ah…” He faltered a little, rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze flittered to his girlfriend who was glaring him down, “You should stop by the Beach- I...I think you guys would make good additions! Bye!” He hurried not even finishing his original sentence before scurrying off making you furrow your brows at what he even meant. 

“The hell?” Akari raised a brow as she watched the guy run off, “Seems to me he wanted to chat more…guess we know who's really pulling balls in that relationship.” 

Nanami suddenly snickered, covering her mouth as she giggled, “Hey Akari! Why don’t we stay together! We did really well in the game together!” 

“Awh shit, if you guys really want me too!” Akari offered a quirky smile as you laughed, you had no problems with someone staying behind with you. Looking past Akari your smile faded a little at the sight of a white hoodie exiting the entrance. 

“Hey- I’ll be right back!” You pushed past the both of them who paid you no mind as you pushed out of the exit and down the stone steps, not sure why your feet were making you chase after such an egotistical man but…!

“Chishiya!” You called out, making the man pause, he turned around, pulling the earbuds out as he glanced up from his hoodie, raising his brows in acknowledgement, “Um…” Why did you even chase after him…? You stepped down the last step as you wrapped your arms around yourself. 

It was silent for a moment as you berated yourself internally for why you seemed so speechless all of a sudden. Chishiya however didn’t seem to mind, his eyes absent now as he stared up at the hospital, “I used to do my clinical rotations here.” 

You were broken out of your silent thrashing of internal humiliation as you raised your brows, lips parting in curiosity as you asked, “You were a doctor?” 

“No,” Chishiya snorted, that amused calico look of his on his face once more as he looked down at you, “I was a medical student. Training to be a doctor but that obviously didn’t happen…” His lips curved into a frown, his eyes cold once more as they looked back up at the building, “I came here tonight to see if anyone I knew would be here.” 

“Oh…” You looked away, feeling somewhat awkward and unsure of how to reply to him as silence took over once more beside the occasional rustling of the wind in the tree’s, the urge to speak overtaking you to the point you couldn't resist, “Chishiya...I…” You looked away, feeling somewhat bashful, “We...made a really good team back there.” You forced yourself to look up at him as you offered a bright yet subtly shy smile, “If you want...you could stay with us…?” 

Chishiya pulled the lollipop stick from his mouth, letting it drop to the ground as he spoke, “No thanks.” You turned to him in surprise as you frowned a little, you shouldn’t have expected anything less…

“Oh...I understand.” You offered a weak smile as he turned his back on you and began to walk once more, “I just have one more question,” You called out causing him to pause, “...Do you by any chance know about a place called the Beach?”

Note: Whew...! As a lurker in the Alice in borderland fandom I saw a lot of people complaining about the lack of Chishiya fics so I decided to volunteer myself and take on for the team to write a series for this little blonde fucker so PLEASE let me know your thoughts and I hope you enjoy!! Also

[stayatiny]

The King ~Chapter Seven

(Gif made by me)

Pairing(s) King!Werewolf! Bang Chan x Human!Reader

Series Warning(s) – Swearing, Violence, Wolf Dynamics, Smut (in later chapters) and along with others that will be added later.

Chapter warning(s) – Swearing, Violence, biting/marking, blood/gore, oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it up kids!), virgin!reader

A/N - Finally to the good stuff. I have decided that there will be one more chapter of this series. Thank you everyone for the likes, follows, and the reblogs. I hope you enjoy. =^_^=

I head back to the bedroom to wake up Y/N, I open the door to see that she isn’t there. Her phone was on the nightstand charging. She must have forgot to charge it last night. I knock on the bathroom door. When I didn’t hear anything, I open the door to see nothing. I frown slightly.

I look over at her phone and checking the ground for her purse. When I didn’t see it, my heart began to race. She didn’t tell anyone if she as going anywhere and usually, she does. I picked up her phone it was still on the last person she messaged. My body froze in place as I saw who was messaging her. Eric Kim. I threw her phone onto the bed then running out of the room. I need to stop her before she gets hurt.

When I wake, there is a blindfold over my eyes and my wrists are bound.

“Oh, you’re awake Y/N. I was starting to think that I gave you too much,” Eric says taking off the blindfold. I try to bite at his hand as it passed by. He slaps the hell out of me. I groan as I glare at him.

“None of that now. Your King should be here to rescue you at any moment and when he does, I will complete my parents work.” I looked at him questioningly.

“What do you mean?” His smiles with sinister meaning. He turns to me and kneels before me. He places his hands on my thighs. I try to squirm away from him.

“Oh sweetie. Do you think your parents would kill their closes friends? My parents told them that if they didn’t want their little girl to die at the hands of a wolf or by me. They would do their bidding for my parents. I do have to admit, you are a strong one. I never actually thought that you would get close with the king again let alone get with him. I do feel sorry for you. He is nothing more than a player,” he explains still holding onto my legs.

“Why do you want them dead so badly?” Eric smiled moving his hands to my waist.

“Because if they were all dead my family would have been chosen to rule the kingdom and then I would have made you, my wife. But your parents wanted you to be Chris’ bride. I could have given you everything your little heart desired,” he says then leaning up kissing me hard. I immediately bit his bottom lip.

“How did you know that I like biting?” He smiles touching his lip blood running down his fingers.

“Don’t worry I’ll be sure to mark you when I know that your little boyfriend is dead. You’ll be mine.” Eric leans down again trying to kiss me.

“You motherfucker!” I tried kicking him, but he grabbed my legs to keep me from trying again. He punches me knocking me over onto my side. I landed hard on my shoulder and arm. I growl trying to kick him again. He stomped and kicked my ribs and legs.

“If you do that again, I’ll fucking kill you.” He steps on my head putting light pressure. I growl again as he lets go of my head. He punched my face one last time then heading out the door locking it. So, fuck him. I struggle with the binds when I hear yelling a screaming upstairs. I was able to move my arms from behind my back to the front. I tried to gnaw at the rope with my teeth but jumped when I see Jay open the door. I nearly start to cry.

“Y/N, we need to get you out of here,” he says helping me up. He cut the ropes with a knife from his pocket. The screaming got louder as we got close to the stairs.

“What’s going on?” Jay grabbed my hands pulling me up the stairs. I turned to look. I see Chris in his wolf form. He’s tearing others limb from limb. My body began to shake. Felix covered my eyes turning me away from the scene of blood.

“No don’t look Y/N.” Jay pulls me along the hallway the smell of blood overwhelming. He uncovers my eyes and pushes me between a table and a vase that could conceal me. I hear yelling up ahead of us calling for Jay.

“Damn it. Stay here. I have to go help some of the others really quick. I’ll be back for you,” he says putting his jacket over my shoulders. I shake my head.

“N-no don’t leave me, Jay. Please.” I beg. Jay hugs me tightly and kisses my head. He places his jacket around my shoulders, seeing that my t-shirt is hanging on by threads.

“You’ll be okay. Just stay here.” He ran off shedding his human form. I slumped against the wall waiting for the others to come back for me. Its only been a few minutes but I decided to get up and find one of the guys. It’s too dangerous to be here alone. But I made a mistake.

“What are you doing here?” That voice. Eric came around the corner and grabbed my arms. I whine my body starting to feel sore from the drugs he had given me and falling over on my shoulder. I hear a howl from down the hall. It was the loudest one I’ve ever heard. I turn and see the black wolf with bright blue eyes. Eric put a knife to my throat staring at the wolf.

“Chris, come any closer to me and I’ll gut her like a fish.” He stood down but only a little bit. I tried to pull away from him but only for Eric to hold the knife tighter.

“Now turn back into your human form and let’s talk about this like men.” Chris stayed as a wolf. I gathered the strength and shoved the knife away from my neck. Before Eric could stab me, Chris jumped on him ripping him apart. I hide my face trying not to listen to the squelch of blood. I continued to hide my face even when I feel someone pick me up.

“Y/N, you can open your eyes now. Its over.” Chris’ voice soothing me. I wrap my arms around his neck, sobbing. He carries me out to the courtyard of the Kim Mansion. I finally look at Chris. His face stoic and eyes ready to kill.

“Your majesty? What do you want to do with the rest of the family,” Felix asked. Chris looked down at my bruised face, arms, and ribs.

“Kill them,” he says, no tone, no remorse. He carried me away and back to the castle. Chris placed me onto his bed.

“Let me see your face.” I slowly looked up at Chris. He kissed me slipping his tongue past my lips. I groan, wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulls away then back to kissing my neck. I tried to stop him from going further.

“Be mine?” I couldn’t even think straight, and I just agreed. I nodded my head.

“No, I need you to say it,” he said, tearing off what’s left of my shirt.

“Mark me, please.” He wasted no time digging his teeth into my neck. He presses me down into the bed while I moan loudly. I grab at Chris’ shirt pulling it over his head. He leans up staring at my body. He tears off my bra leaving my chest bare. I blush a bright red and try to cover my body.

“No don’t. You’re fucking beautiful. I want you to be mine and no one else. I love you. I’ve always been in love with you.” I grab his face kissing him pushing my tongue into his mouth. He groans this time. I needed him now. My core throbbing at the thought of his cock inside me.

“Lay down, Y/N. I need to taste you.” I do as I’m told then he pulls down my pants with my underwear with it. I tried to cover my core from his stare, but he smacks my hands away.

“You’re beautiful.” He smiles then sucking my clit I between his lips. I moan almost screaming. His tongue started to flick my bud rapidly. I put my hands into his hair slightly tugging. That’s when his finger started to slip into my wet hole. I gasp grabbing his hair tighter.

“Chris, I need to cum, please.” He pulls his mouth away from my core. I let out a whine.

“No not yet.” Chris gets off the bed. He unbuckles his pants slipping them off. I lick my lips as his cock bounces up hitting his belly.

“Like what you see?” I blush again looking away. Chris chuckles climbing back onto the bed. He leans down kissing me once again as he pulls my legs around his waist. He rubs his cock through my folds before I stopped him.

“What’s wrong?” I lay there to embarrassed to say anything again.

“What is it,” he then gets what I wanted to tell him, “We don’t have to do anything. I don’t want to pressure you into this.” I shook my head.

“No I want this. Please I want you.” He nods as he then slid his cock slowly into me. I groaned at the stretch and the feeling of being full.

“Ah fuck. You’re so tight,” he groans. He stays still letting me get use to his size. I nod letting him know that he could move. He almost pulls out all the way before driving back into me. I moan grabbing his sides. He pins my legs back watching his cock disappear inside of me. Chris drives even harder into as I moan his name.

“Please Chris, I need to cum,” I beg. He smirks pounding me even harder. His hand reaches down rubbing circles around my clit making the knot in my stomach tighten.

“Cum baby. Cum on my cock,” he growls. I scream out as I let go and cum. He stills inside of me letting his cum fill me. He collapses on me and remarks my neck with him still inside me. Chris leans up, pulling out of me. I feel him running down my legs. That’s when it hits him.

“Please tell me that you’re on the pill.” His eyes wide realizing what he did. I nod, body to weak to move. He let out a sigh of relief.

“Lets get you a hot bath,” Chris said, picking me up. He ran a bubble bath. He climbs into the tub with me.

“I love you,” he purs. I smile leaning my head onto his chest.

“I love you too.”

[verryberriess]

Whatever This Is | Chapter 1

READ PROLOGUE HERE!!

Whatever This Is

Synopsis: In which Jude and Cardan meet again after seven years, but not on good terms.

thanks to @maastrash for helping me edit LOL!!!! :D

CHAPTER ONE

The last time I saw Cardan Greenbriar was seven years ago.

Today, seven years later, we were a mere few feet apart. I’m unsure whether to feel relieved or insulted at his lack of acknowledgement. Relieved that maybe he has forgotten my face and I could continue along with my life, undeterred and unaffected as ever. But insulted, because, maybe he has forgotten me.

“Are you ready to order?” The cashier startles me. I didn’t realize that the line had suddenly quickened in pace. He must be new, since I haven’t seen him around the Torre’s until today.

Thankfully, I respond with my usual order without thinking. The cashier nods and I fumble my purse in search of my wallet. I’m able to quickly spot my cyan-colored wallet and unbutton its strap with haste, fishing for my credit card from the compartment with my nail. The card is stubborn, in a tight space stuck to two other cards.

“Sorry,” I look up and flash the cashier a tight smile, embarrassment coloring my features.

The cashier responds in turn, his green eyes alight in amusement. “It’s alright. That happens to me all the time.”

I immediately return to the war against my card, which finally relents. I slam it into the card reader, chip in first. While the payment approves, I smile and say, “Thanks for your patience,“ peering down at his name tag to add, “Beckett.” He is handsome and new, and on another day I would try to get to know him, but I am in a hurry, so I walk from the bounds of the register and head straight towards the door outside.

The door swings open in response to my adrenaline and haste. I curse inwardly at the crowd outside of Torre’s that seems to have gotten even bigger. As I mutter “Excuse me’s” and sidestep around the large number of people, I inspect the streets for an absurdly tall head of iridescent midnight hair. I am quickly astonished to see that exact head right in the middle of the large crowd, showering the thrall of excited women with a crooked smile.

Cardan stands in the middle. While he keeps his hands at his sides, his posture is loose and his torso leans in to angle himself for a selfie with another woman. The woman presses her back into Cardan’s again. He doesn’t seem bothered by this at all.

I zero in on the changes in his features. He has gotten taller, his face more angular. His style has been perfected, dressed in a dark suit and decorated in gold rings and darks and blacks while the midnight black hair atop his head seems unruly and untamed, as if on purpose. All these years and he seems to have perfected perfection, looking more horrifically beautiful than ever. I have forgotten this obtrusive charm I had once been fooled by, and even after all these years I am disgusted at myself for still being reigned in, captivated.

But all of a sudden, for a few seconds, he turns his head away from his surroundings and regards me with his eyes, looking as if he were noting my presence with the same disgust, and then quickly looking away. The exchange was so quick, I had barely registered it.

Yet, as I stand at the outskirts of this group, I am reminded of the past, and how I have gotten over this already. I have replayed scenario after scenario of reunions in my head after the first few months of my departure, but I had never really anticipated some overly-large crowd separating Cardan Greenbriar and I by just a few feet.

A few feet that might as well be an ocean. Or two.

I can’t help but marvel at how we were once more than acquainted with each other. That look had reminded me that everything is over, that he wants nothing to do with me. Seven years could be more, if I refocused myself. I could do that, I reminded myself. Seven years could turn into forever.

A twinge of sorrow worms its way into my gut. I squash it.

I turn around. My coffee must be done by now and I want to head to work before I’m late. I suppose the sidewalk will take some weaving around and being late was not on my agenda.

My steps are forward. I make my way back to the door of Torre’s, pulling open the door to step in.

But a familiar voice, ringed with the same distinct tone of arrogance and authority that I haven’t heard in years, ceases any of my movements.

“You need to back up.”

My grip at the handle falters, and another person shuffles out on the other side. They thank me for holding the door for them.

Instead of responding, I turn back around and face the direction of where the voice had called. The atmosphere feels almost different. Where the women had once been gathered around him, they now stand at a distance, clearing for the space he had requested.

I watch one of them snap a quick selfie while he is in her background. She leaves the group right afterwards. My eyes move back to where Cardan is, but he is walking towards my direction, uncaring of the people around him.

I pull the door handle hurriedly and slip inside into the safety of Torre’s. The chatter and ambiance of the coffeehouse usually offer safe haven from San Francisco’s morning bustles, but not today.

I could feel his looming presence right behind me, about to catch up to my stride. I’m not about to do this right now. I don’t think I can.

The choice is ripped away from me, however, when a gentle grip takes hold of my wrist.

“Jude?” The voice is soft, a complete one-eighty from that of authority outside.

I still immediately. I first turn to check the surroundings, discovering that none of the women from outside have followed him in. Then, I glance at the hand which still grips my wrist. I try to shake it off. Cardan’s hold is firm, but he reluctantly lets go. He removes himself slowly as if he is unsure whether or not he should.

Taking a step away, he stands and shifts awkwardly. He is too tall now, absurdly towering over me. Where he used to be only about an inch taller, he is now a few inches above my height. He is no longer able to slouch against me without adjusting himself as easily anymore.

The distance between us is off-putting. Though traits like his height and broadness separate us physically from our past selves, it is the other changes in our approaches and personalities that further highlight the obnoxious tension between us.

Why he suddenly acknowledges my presence is a mystery to me. Why he is here astonishes me. I am unsure if fate is cruel enough to have forced us to meet in this kind of circumstance, or if this was a making of pure coincidence.

Cardan stares at me with some deep intensity. I want to be rid of his scathing stare, grab my coffee, and disappear from this whole ordeal. Pretend that this stain of an encounter had not been inked upon seven years of spotless script.

“Cardan,” I say stiffly. Once acquainted, but now strangers. I am hesitant to say more, despite all the questions that rage within my mind and my wickedly cursed heart. Everything about this is full of uncertainty and unpredictability. A type of situation that I am not entirely familiarized with, since plans and strategy have always ruled my life. It is frustratingly tiresome.

Cardan eyes the row of occupied couches, and later the arrangement of empty rustic tables and chairs. He gestures out to the seats, “Why don’t we find a seat? I imagine that we have much to catch up on.”

I secretly consider his offer, but my brain votes to think of ways to escape his reach. Before I can make a decision though, I am led away to an open table. I am reluctant to make this encounter any longer than it should be, but I decide that I should at least gain some reasoning for his recent presence.

“I’m glad you’re so eager to see me again. After all, it’s been so long.” Cardan resumes his usual nonchalant character. “What an extraordinary coincidence running into you here.”

For a moment, I remark on his wording. I am glad that this turned out to be an occasion of pure coincidence.

Concern or indifference? I decided on the latter tone to respond with. “Yes, it certainly has been a while. But considering how we left things, I’m surprised that you even want to be near me.”

He raises an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth lift slightly. “Considering how we’ve left things, I’m surprised you’ve let me into your vicinity.” It doesn’t look like it, but the small twinges in expression reveal that he is thinking of what to say next. I am about to retort back, but what he asks next catches me off guard as he continues, softly, “Why did you leave for so long?”

My cheeks heat. At this, I am suddenly hyper aware of how close he is, of his overwhelming heat despite the violent cold that rages outside, and how he almost whispers his question, with a compelling mix of rasp and seduction. He towers over me, as if using his height to shield me from the world like he has done so many times those years ago, but in this instance, it feels as though he is also looking for something. Cardan is cautious though, leaving room for retreat.

If I am not careful myself, I imagine that I would fall into his chest, and take advantage of the closeness that I had secretly yearned for nearly a decade. Seven years be damned, my focused mentality would dissolve into dust.

I announce my resolve by taking a step back. The distance between him and I is lengthened. Although my heart curses at me, my mind is indiscriminate. I hadn’t expected this conversation to go about this way. Though, I also didn’t know what to expect. Everything was unpredictable at this point and many things have changed. I didn’t know what response he wanted, because he should’ve known why I left.

“... Because of you.” I say gruffly. I leave little context, wanting him to fill in the blanks.

For a second, a mixture of hurt and surprise leaks into his expression before it is masked again. In that second I can’t help but relish in a small sense of satisfaction that I had got to him. Hurt for hurt. An eye for an eye. Whatever game he is trying to play at this time will not rouse a fraction of feeling from me. Not again.

“I see.” Again, Cardan contemplates. He does not show anything, but his eyes start to roam around us, like he is taking in the coffeehouse setting again as if he wasn’t just here only a few moments ago.

“Excuse me?” The green-eyed cashier from before stands in front of us.

He looks between Cardan and I. Cardan, in turn, twists to the direction of the abrupt voice, and slowly assesses his form. I watch his eyes trail up and down the cashier’s physique, his face contorting in judgement before glaring at him, clearly annoyed by his abrupt intrusion.

Beckett turns to me instead, smiling brightly. His dimples deepen and his white teeth flash to me. He holds out a branded cup of Torre’s. “Hey, Jude right? We called out your name earlier, but I don’t think you heard us. I thought I’d bring your coffee to you before it got cold.”

“Thanks so much, I almost forgot.” I take the cup from him and gently set it down at our table.

“Of course.” Beckett still hovers over us, his attention only towards me. “Andrea told me you were a regular here. I should have known.”

“Yes, I come here often. But it’s okay, I noticed that you’re new here too. And it’s Beckett right?” I ask.

Beckett replies, “Yeah, it’s actually my second day.”

Beckett hovers over us. I notice that he is handsome, with close-cropped blonde hair that is slightly grown out. His green eyes twinkle as he observes me in return. He is well-muscled and tan from what I could see of his arms, which are mostly covered by his gray, long-sleeved uniform.

I take a quick glance at Cardan. His fingers tap the tabletop in a particular rhythm as he watches the exchange between Beckett and I.

“Well, I better get back to work now. If you need anything else, check your cup.” Beckett smiles again and walks away.

I look back at the coffee cup and peer at Cardan who eyes its side, a murderous expression set upon his facial features. His eyes are cold and his jaw is clenched.

As I take the cup in my hands, I inspect the sticker attached to the side of the cup. A phone number written in scrawly blue ink is scribbled onto the light orange sticker.

“​​I didn’t realize hand-serving customers was a part of the job description.” Cardan remarks icily.

“Well,” I clear my throat. “At least he’s done something you didn't have the balls to do seven years ago.”

A/N: i haven't been here in a while... hello! let me know if you want to be put on the tag list lOL