#cool! scene wolves for the win

[aemondfairy]

Thawed Out

summary: Frustrated after losing a game to your brothers’ team, you let Cregan take his frustration out on you.

pairing: Modern!Cregan x Targtower!Reader

word count: 1.1k

warnings: Explicit smut, semi-public/rough sex, spit, p in v, creampie, 18+ MDNI

note: Sorry it’s been a month since I’ve posted!! Watch this flop asdfghkl

Your eyelids flutter as Sara lightly dabs glittery eyeshadow onto them with her ring finger.

“Try to hold still,” she tells you, just as your reflection catches her eye in the mirror that hangs on the back of her closet door.

“Oh no,” she frowns, making note of the jersey you’re wearing, “Cregan is not going to like that.”

The jersey — all black, has no distinctive feature of any team, but it does have the name “Targaryen” etched onto the back, and 01 on the front, which is your brother Aemond’s hockey number.

Cregan is number 13.

“Targaryen is my last name,” you remind her, “and besides, Cregan is the one who wants to hide me. If he wants me to wear his jersey to games, he will have to make me more than just a fuck buddy,” you shrug.

Her lips turn downward into a frown, but she nods her head in agreement with you.

Very few people are aware of your relationship with Cregan. He’s a good guy with a big heart, the complete opposite of a fuckboy or a player. The main, if not only, reason why the two of you decided to keep things a secret was so you wouldn’t have to deal with the backlash from your brothers.

Cool air whips against your face, and tensions are high with only a few minutes left remaining of the game.

You watch on eagerly as Aegon pulls a move that is supposedly illegal, but the ref’s don’t seem to count it. Resulting in your brothers’ team winning the game.

You can’t help but wince as you watch Cregan rip his helmet off and make a beeline toward Aegon on the ice.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“Aww,” your eldest brother frowns in response, “Run home with your tail between your legs!” he calls. Cregan grunts in response while the rest of Aegon’s teammates, Aemond included, howl maniacally like wolves. Making a mockery of Cregan and the rest of his team.

You roll your eyes at the scene and push your way out of the stands and through the crowd.

You pick at your fingernails nervously as you wait outside the locker room, refusing to enter until the remainder of Cregan’s teammates pass you by.

The smell of sweat fills your senses as you enter the abandoned locker room.

“Cregan,” you call, “baby?”

The locker room is quiet and dim. The only audible sound in the room is the faint buzzing of one of the poorly lit fluorescent lights.

Cregan is sat on one of the benches, his nose pinched between his thumb and forefinger. You reach your arms around him.

“Hey,” you offer, “for what it’s worth, you did great.”

“I’m just so fucking pissed off!”

Cregan’s deep voice echoes through the locker room as he throws his stick to the floor. As mentioned earlier, Cregan’s a stand up guy, but his temper is a force to be reckoned with; and nothing sets it off quite like losing a hockey game.

“I know you’re upset baby,” you state empathetically as you dig the pads of your fingers into his shoulders. An attempt to massage the tense tissue, he all but grunts in response.

“You wanna take it out on me?”

“What?” He asks in a deadpan.

“Your frustration … you should just take it out on me.”

Cregan raises his eyebrows at this but he takes no time to react. He stands up quickly, his thick frame hovering over yours before he shoves you against the lockers abruptly. Gripping at your chin with force, he demands you to open your mouth. You oblige and he spits directly down your throat, you swallow obediently with a content mewl as wetness pools at your center.

A pathetic “please” is all you’re able to muster out to him as he stares at you hungrily.

He takes a seat on the bench, tugging his uniform pants and boxer briefs down to his ankles in one swift motion, exposing his cock.

His calloused hands lift you onto his lap with haste. A shiver runs through your body as he yanks down your leggings and underwear in a quick swoop, causing you to hiss as cool air fans your cunt. It isn’t long before Cregan’s warm hand is cupping you, his fingers playing in your slick.

You want to cry out when he removes his hand from you but once his hands are at your thighs again, spreading you open, you feel the throbbing head of his cock prodding against you.

“Fuck, baby,” you moan, egging him on, “come on, I said, take it out on me.”

A growl erupts from his chest as he forcefully spears you down onto his cock, filling you to the hilt. Your eyes flutter shut and you try your best to suppress a moan as he begins to split you open.

He continues with unrelenting thrusts while his grip on your hips only tightens, taking full control.

“Fuckin. Targaryen’s,” he says through gritted teeth, harshly slapping the swell of your ass. Your head snaps up as you glare at him disapprovingly.

“Obviously not you baby,” he coo’s reassuringly, running his fingers along the red handprint that’s forming, soothing the pain before kneading at the tender flesh.

“It’s just— Gods, do they fuckin’ rile me up,” he mumbles as both his hands make their way to your waist again, helping him thrust into you even harder.

“I know, baby, I know” you whimper, pressing your forehead to his as he continues to fuck into you at an unrelenting pace.

“But you know just how to make me feel better, don’t you, baby?”

“Y-yes,” you choke out as he perfectly angles his cock against your cervix.

“Yeah you do, this sweet little pussy is all I need.”

You can feel the tension building in your body at his words, your breath coming out in short gasps as he expertly moves inside of you.

His fingers trail down from your hips to your cunt again, sending hot waves of electricity through you.

His intense, grey, gaze never leaves yours. With each thrust, you feel yourself on the brink of insanity. Each drag of his length has you closer and closer to the edge.

Cregan moves with determination, his body pressed hard against yours as he takes you to new heights of pleasure. His digits finally find the apex of your thighs and pinch at your throbbing bud, causing you to gasp and arch your back.

Urging him on as he expertly works his fingers over your most sensitive spot. Each touch sends waves of pleasure through you. With one final pinch and a flick of his thumb, you’re cumming around him — gasping and trembling as the walls of your cunt tighten around his length.

His breathing comes labored and heavy, his eyes squeezed shut as he chases his own release. His own hips stuttered as he felt you continue to pulse around him. Unable to keep his composure any longer, he lets out a loud groan and spills himself inside of you, painting your walls with his seed.

“Fuckin’ Targaryen’s,” he drawls, this time his tone is filled with appreciation.

[blackbirdsblackberries]

I Hate The New Hero

Pt 2: A spider's nest is different to a bird's.

You exit the school building with two of your friends; Sherri Webster and Tia Hunt. You see Timothy leaning against the wall to the exit of the school building and you can't help but scoff, does he not have a life or friends?

Okay, judging by how the polls are going now, this one is winning!! I'll post the second part of Don't Drink The Kool-Aid soon (possibly tomorrow or the day afterwards). Don't be afraid to send in asks and such regarding anything! I love answering them and doing side stories/headcannons for this series or other series of mine!

The day rolls by painfully slow. How could it not when you're going to invite someone, who you're pretty sure would throw you to the wolves for a dollar, into your shitty apartment?

Tia notices your gaze and chuckles, you had already told them both about Tim and the project, they laughed and made fun of you - you'll get back at them.

Sherri pats me back "If you don't come back to school tomorrow we'll let the police know he probably murdered you!" Tia laughs at that and I grumble and elbow Sherri.

"Oh shut up! God, you're insufferable!"

"And you're about to be dead!"

"Oh please, no one in Gotham stays dead these days!"

"I'll make sure you do!"

Tia interrupts before the minor spat ends in the two forgetting Timothy is there - now looking at the three with the very hatred you'd give to your parent's murderers.

"Can you guys fight later? In the group chat maybe? I'm starving and want to go home - private school food tastes like shit." Sherri sighs but agrees and the two wave goodbye before leaving you.

You wave and after a bit of awkward silence you glance at Timothy who is now staring daggers at you, his eyes are calculating but aren't narrowed - like a feral wolf analysing it's target. You hold back a sigh as you raise a brow.

You make a hand motion for him to follow you and you start to walk along the path to your amazing, beautiful, posh, cool apartment that in no way is flawed.

The walk is silent and painful, at this point your willing to bust out the charms and joke with him but you're scared he's going to smash your head into the concrete as soon as you make a joke.

You walk past a poster that was hung up regarding the heroes of Gotham, Aranea is near the center hanging to the side of a wall. You scowl at it - the picture was bad and didn't flatter you at all.

Timothy catches your scowl and makes a show of rolling his eyes and typing something on his phone. You can't hold back any longer.

"What? You grading me or something? Speak the fuck up if you have a problem, Richy Rich." You sneer as you say the last part, he snaps his head up at you in offense.

"Oh, you want me to speak up?! Fine, you're a selfish brat who's got parents that fawn over you and you never lacked anything in your life yet you go after some sweet innocent girl who would a hundred percent save you if you needed it. Aranea is one of the best people in Gotham and it's disgusting that you are so rude to her!" Timothy rants. You can't help but raise a brow, you want to laugh so hard - the irony is right there.

Instead you roll your eyes "You hate me because I hate someone you fangirl over? How pathetic. Hate me for a real reason!" You try not to smirk when you see Timothy try to take deep breaths and calm down.

"... Let's just get to your apartment already." He states as he continues walking, you raise a brow. "Wrong way." He turns around and follows you silently.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally you stop in front of your stunning apartment. Out of the corner of your eye you see Tim raise a brow.

"How'd you get into a private school if your parents can't even afford an apartment building that doesn't look like it's had ten different crime scenes this week?"

You deadpan, ouch man...

"I got in through an engineering scholarship." You reply blandly, no point in spilling your emotions and true personality to a person like Timothy.

Timothy doesn't say anything else and you take that as the conversation ending and lead him into the complex and to the apartment you reside in.

It's home and you wouldn't want anything different. The plants are dead, there's a leaky tap, the clock that's stuck on the wall ticks annoyingly, there's a small spider making it's home in one of the corners and all the furniture looks one kick away from dust.

Your parents don't have much time to clean...

You look at Timothy out of the corner of your eye, despite loving where you live you know people will judge and Tim will probably use this against you some time in the future.

.............................................................................................

Tim's confused. You had always exuded "rich spoilt brat" behavior and seemed so stuck up yet live in actual filth? On top of that you got into Gotham Academy on a scholarship? Do high schools even do scholarships? It doesn't make sense.

Tim's not an idiot, he knows he's being petty but at the same time he can't bring himself to stop. Aranea is one of the kindest people he's met in Gotham, a saint, an innocent person who deserves a good life.

Yet, you hate her guts, you say awful things about her despite not even meeting her - or maybe you did, either way there's no reason for you to be acting like this.

Tim isn't petty, he won't use your living situation against you but the scholarship thing can be.. a small post can ultimately cause ridicule in the school.

He blinks a couple times, not noticing how he's already in a cramped bedroom - it's the size of a supply closet in the manor!

There's a bed in the corner, a window that's curtained up, a closet, a toy chest and a pile of sketch books that reaches halfway up the bedframe. It's cozy he supposes - for a sewer rat at least.

You mumble something about getting food before leaving the room. Seems you have some smarts and etiquette.

His phone buzzes and he looks down at the Gotham Vigilante Group Chat (GVGC), it's a message from Aranea.

Aranea: "Heyyyy!! I won't be able to go on patrol tonight, my mama wants to go out for dinner :("

Tim sighs, that's good. He can't go because of the stupid project so it seems he won't have to get horrendously teased for missing out on hanging with Aranea.

Tim's phone buzzes again and it's Bruce.

Bruce: "Message if (Reader) does anything sketchy. You can't trust someone so hateful."

Way to state the obvious. Tim already had multiple plans in case you did something.

He pockets his phone after responding with a thumbs up and he sits down, on the floor - assuming that's where they'll work.

.............................................................................................

Soon you come back with snacks in hand and had changed into more comfortable clothes - they were your dad's because in no way were you going to show Timothy your sense of style.

The clothes consisted of cargo shorts that were grossly oversized and tied with some shoelace to stop them from falling and an oversized shirt with the image of Garfield on it.

You raise a brow at where Timothy is sitting.

"Uh, why are you sitting on the floor?"

"That's where we'll work. Why?"

You think you're ready to go cry in a corner out of frustration.

"I have a bed."

"okay? I doubt it can even fit the both of us."

... Okay, that's true. Still, even if you hated him your parents didn't raise you to be rude to guests.

"Fine. You sit on the bed and I'll kneel on the floor."

You watch as his eyes widen, not expecting that response. You push him to stand up and make him sit on the bed before plopping down and taking a big sketchbook and flipping to the back of it.

"Okay, let's get started." You mumble, more so to yourself.

You two spend the next three to four hours researching, drawing things and writing down dates. By the end of it your tired and just want to sleep. It would have been done sooner if there wasn't an argument that caused you to storm out of the apartment and pace the halls and if Tim didn't leave to the halls to answer a call but at least it's over with.

You rest your head against your bed, you're still on the floor and more than content staying there, you doubt your body will even allow you to move.

Slowly your eyes close and you drift off to sleep.

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

my top ten favourite PJSK events so far!! (no particular order)

- A Once-In-A-Lifetime Pandemoniun

in general, i love silly little school trip moments!! Pandemonium was just lovely. Rui and the three friends he made <333 2-B boys you will always be famous to me. the surprised Pikachu face Rui pulled every time they were nice to him and included him in their banter, literally wanted to sob. Airi and Tsukasa having to stop Shizuku and Rui wandering off. Shizuku and Tsukasa childhood memories. and of course- well, look at my icon. not to mention the CARD SET??? absolutely beautiful. adore the yokai theme, Rui and Shizuku's cards nearly offed me. i stared at them for a good five minutes when they were first leaked

- No Seek, No Find

this is one of the few events that made me cry. Saki, you will always be my favourite Tenma <3 her frustration while being stuck in the hospital, her fear of being left behind, the unfairness, her loneliness, her guilt for worrying her family, her desire to be "normal"- it was heartbreaking. the card set hits so hard too, my favourite L/n cards. and Tera Tera is always in my head, Saki's solo >>>>

- My Colour

this event literally made me fall in love with Shizuku, i wasn't particularly interested in her too much before. the pressure put on her but then how she finally let herself act like herself <33 she's so hardworking and sweet, live laugh love, Shizuku Hinomori. the cards are so pretty, Shizuku looks so angelic in hers <3 and her solo of Colour of Drops sounds lovely as always too even if it's not a song i care about too much

- Musical Twilight Parade

LEO/NEED AND WONDERLANDS X SHOWTIME!! MY TWO FAVE UNITS HAD A CROSSOVER <33333 I LOVE THEM. the card set was underwhelming yes (only really like Rin's) but!! W x S as tour guides... the shenanigans... literally has one of my favourite moments of all time of Rui teaching the L/n girlies how to trespass, he's such a good influence, isn't he <33 OH YES AND ICHINENE'S FIRST MEETING!! THEY WERE SO AWKWARD AND SHY AROUND EACH OTHER AND NOW THEY'RE SO QUIETLY HAPPY WHEN THEY BUMP INTO EACH OTHER. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. also, it's a Shiho event so. winner!!

- Don't Lose Faith

Leo/need. Leo/need Cryptonloids. they're all so sweeeet. i love L/n Rin so much <333 i can't put into words why, but i just really like the event story, them training for their concert in Sekai and all with the support of Miku and Co. the cards were really cool (more lims should have dyed hair...) and so is the song, Voices. another Shiho win!!

- A Sorrowful Farewell at the Curtain Call

it's the only event that's got Asahi Genbu in it. that. that is it. oh yeah and W x S was threatened with divorce or something. BUT ASAHI <3 cards were interesting... i like the symbolism but they don't particularly like. interest me greatly? What Sort of Ending Are You Wishing For isn't one of my fave fave songs either... yeah, it was mainly the story that carried this event for me!!

- Insatiable Pale Colour

ENA. ENA. ENA. INFINITELY GREY MAKES ME CRY. ENA SHINONOME YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME. HER STRUGGLES HIT SO HARD </333 also,,, Shinonome siblings </3 the cards are prettyyyy. they suit the vibe of the event so well. ONCE AGAIN. INFINITELY GREY. beautiful song, the last chorus makes me so emotional. how Ena sounds like she's screaming in desperation throughout...

- Welcome to the Forest of Wolves

i adore Miyajou 1-A <33333 appreciated the VBS friendship in it too!! but mainly KohaMinoShiho being the trio ever. cards? beautiful. i adore fairy tale stuff SO much. poor Kohane accidentally causing a scene all around school, bless her <333

- Exciting Picnic

FAIRY. FAIRY CARD SET. FAIRY CARDS. FAIRY MIZUKI. LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE COSTUME-LESS PERMAMENT CARD. ahem. anywayssssss. Ena <33333 and Shizuku <3333 and Rui <333 MY TOP THREE CHARACTERS?? IN THE SAME EVENT??? what are the chances of it ever happening again </3 oh yes Mizuena... Ena cares so much for Mizukiiiiii they're sooooooo zvsbjdodoskkqkallapalqllaa ALSO ENA DEFENDING SHIZUKU FROM HER PUSHY WEIRD BITCH FANS???? I LOVE ENA SHINONOME. oh and surely you don't think i forgot that it was SHIZURUI'S FIRST MEETING? <3

- Island Panic

- THIS EVENT STORY FELT LIKE A FEVER DREAM. IT WAS SO CHAOTIC AND SILLY AND SO VERY W X S <333 there's so many golden scenes in it. Rui threatening to "sleep the big sleep" if he's made to eat veg. them forming a human pyramid that was nearly ruined by Tsukasa having the audacity to sneeze. Shosuke Otori character development. the only card i really liked was Emu's and Starry Sky Melody isn't one of my favourite songs but the story makes up for it!!

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

I saw the thing. Both of the thing. The two things. Those things. Star Wars things.

RIP Luke Skywalker's relevance post-OT, we hardly knew ye.

[spoilers and shit below the cut]

I mean... the first two episodes did their job? They certainly felt like a typical Star Wars, whatever your definition of Star Wars is. It just feels like these people at the top have no fucking idea what to do with the galaxy post-Empire and pre-First Order. Like, there is no obviously Big Bad Fascist group of baddies that our plucky underdog rebel heroes have to fight. The enemy is not clear as bright fucking day. What is the enemy? What are we fighting? Is this why we're plundering the depths of the EU and overwriting EU!Thrawn with Disney!Thrawn? Is this why we're turning the New Republic into an uncaring out-of-touch wannabe Galactic Republic/Empire?

There are many, many places where the Volume is painfully obvious and it is incredibly fucking distracting. Personally, Peter Jackson's LOTR trilogy and the POTC trilogy really sold me on the possibilites offered by the marriage of practical FX and CGI. I've never been convinced by the "gimmick" that James Cameron's blue cat people promised, and seeing how increasingly terrible and cheap and fucking greedy the Hollywood studios have become since then has me convinced that we're fucked. I still want to one day get a job in entertainment design but I am increasingly gritting my teeth and side-eyeing the state of things.

There has to be better way to paint non-human skin tones onto actors right. The lack of emoting also really frustrated me. I hope it's just people settling into their roles but I also don't know the sequence in which they shot their scenes. It's just... I felt nothing. I lied. I felt something for Sabine's lothcat. I get Ahsoka at this time being aloof, distant, cold, closed off, but everybody else? I didn't feel it. Maybe from Skoll and Hati, our non-Jedi Norse wolves. Nordic? I don't fucking know.

Someone please explain to me how Sabine is suddenly a Padawan, an ex-Padawan, and now a Padawan again. I never saw Rebels but I know enough canon to know that Padawans are supposed to have some kind of Force sensitivity? Why is Ahsoka deciding who to take in as a Padawan? I thought she left the Jedi Order before she became a Knight? What the fuck is going on? Is she just... making up the rules now since there isn't an Order of people to say, "Hey, maybe don't"? Or is she just picking up where Ezra and Kanan left off? I don't know Rebels and it is midnight; I sure af am not going to decide to read summaries of everyone right now.

Sorry to Luke who either never blipped on Baylan's radar or was just that unimportant to him. Somehow. Sorry to Cal, though I don't even know if he survived to see the Empire's fall.

Among the bipedals who speak Basic, Morgan Elsbeth wins the award for "Most Interesting Character" because Diana knows how to chew up her scenes and has the charisma to keep me interested. I don't recall she was ever revealed to be a Witch in her Mando episode. But now she is? What? Why?

The baseline world development of the Corellian shipyards fucking kills me. I know nothing about Lothal from the show so I can't say shit, but from what I've seen of the city itself, it's so.... clean. CG clean. "We can't let people know we live here" clean. The Volume was screaming into my eyes on Arcana, and I can't believe the fucking planet is called Arcana.

But what is the reason why Sabine put away the parts of herself that are Mandalorian? Is it so that we can see her floundering and struggling and letting her hair grow long while she tells everyone to fuck off? Is it so that we can then see her saw off her long hair a la Mulan (or Kanan, I guess) and become a Mandalorian again? I... I don't have any emotional investment in this. I didn't see Rebels, therefore I don't have any actual emotional investment in this. It's just, cool CG, lightsabers whee, classic Star Wars-ish music to yank at your heartstrings, droids, magic, the Force, Force shit, more lightsabers, pew pew, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And people I only recognize because of the Galaxy of Heroes games, fandom osmosis, and cursory skimming of the Star Wars wiki. If I was a true outsider who knew the bare minimum from previous D+ shows, waht would my investment level be?

Is anyone surprised that Andor keeps showing up in these conversations? I want to rip my hair out and scream at people who hate the discourse because they say people just want more shows exactly like Andor (grimy and dark and grimdark with no Jedi and no Sith and no pew pew space fights and no bzzzzzzzzzzt lightsabers and all politics and politicking and hard decisions made by morally gray characters either trying to survive or trying to see the Rebellion survive) instead of the campy unseriousness with color and bad CG and silliness and pew pew space lasers and shit. I just want more shows made with love and care and a basic understanding of storytelling. There's a difference between telling a story and telling a Star Wars story. The Felonious Showrunners are telling you a Star Wars story full of Star Wars. Did you see the Star Wars? Look at the Star Wars. Listen to the Star Wars. Feel the Star Wars. Yes, I get it, but are you also telling me a story? Is this all really just a buildup to Thrawn returning to the galaxy to take control of the Imperial remnants to make a second Empire or some shit like that? And as always, does it really matter when Thrawn and Ahsoka and Mandalore didn't have ANY impact on the galaxy or the fate of the New Republic and the First Order in the ST?

Fucking hell, looked up serial vs episodic because I forgot the terms and then deleted the entire paragraph because what's the point l o l. Look, the problem for me is that this show relies on working knowledge of Rebels and also The Clone Wars so that we can understand who these people are, what their history is with each other, and where they're coming from when the Norse wolves sprung a witch from her cell. I don't have the time or energy to do any of that, so I don't... I don't care. Who are these people? Explain them to me. Tell me why I should care without assuming I already watched the other shows. All we had of Andor is Cassian Andor, who dies at the end of Rogue 1. Yet somehow we got to see all these new faces emerge and bloom and keep rising or dying for the sake of the nascent Rebellion. We got to know who the fuck they are, what the fuck they do or did, what their relationships are to each other, to the Rebellion, to the Empire, to Cassian. We got to see and hear what they believed in and why they fight or don't fight.

You don't need the 3 episodes of fleshing out Ferrix or any of the characters integral to a story arc. You already have the settings and the people. You already have the history. It would take a lot less work to introduce who they are, what they did or do, how they relate to each other, what they won and lost . It just... it just feels so damn shallow and half-baked and stiff and light like cotton candy.

I think if not for Andor, these first two episodes of Ahsoka would be perfectly acceptable in the Star Wars D+ series pantheon. But Andor is fucking Spiders Georg and fucked over people's expectations of what a good Star Wars show is and can be.

ACTUALLY. WHY NOT TELL THOSE OF US THAT AREN'T FAMILIAR WITH THE DISNEY STAR WARS LORE WHO THE FUCK THRAWN IS, WHAT THE FUCK HE DID, AND WHY WE DON'T WANT HIM BACK. Oh he's the last of the Imperial Grand Admirals - so what. Moff Gideon is beneath the likes of Vader and Tarkin and Thrawn and he did a lot of fucking damage. Andor showed us very clearly what kind of power and damage the ISB can do. So how much more damage can Thrawn do if he did come back? What kind of threat is he? TELL US HOW DANGEROUS HE IS TO THE NEW REPUBLIC. TELL US WHY MORGAN IS TRYING TO BRING HIM BACK. FOR HER OWN AMBITIONS? TO HELP OUT THE OTHER IDIOTS HIDING IN THE DARK, LAUGHING AT GIDEON CLONING HIMSELF IN A PATHETIC GRAB FOR POWER? COME ON. TELL ME SOMETHING.

Anyway, sorry to Luke Skywalker who's stuck on Ossus fucking around with Artoo and a bunch of spider droids, locked out of some greater story about an apathetic former Padawan and her own Mando Padawan looking for a lost Jedi while also trying to stop a blue man from returning to the galaxy. Maybe he never should've returned to Star Wars and stayed a grumpy old Jake who died all alone on some fuckoff island.

Let's see what the next episode will bring! At least it makes great background noise while I do other things.

[mermaidsirennikita]

hiiiiiii!!! i trust your book recs with my life (thank u for introducing me to sierra simone) but i was wondering if you had any recs for books that are big on acts of service? just like the fmc being taken care of, even though yes, she can do it herself lol. i think maybe you made a list with this trope awhile ago but now i cant find it!

Omg, thank you so much--and so glad you're enjoying Sierra! She's just... such a gem.

(publishing for rec purposes, I hope that's okay)

Off the top of my head, I would recommend several Lisa Kleypas books--Seduce Me at Sunrise is the big one that comes to mind because the heroine WAS sick for a long time, so the hero is used to taking care of her even after she gets better (to her detriment, because now he won't fuck her lmao). But yeah, Kev carries Win around, he bathes her (I mean, that's also something Kleypas loves to write lol--a long hot bath after the heroine gets that thing POUNDED) he's often fretting over her... even when she really would rather he didn't!

If you're open to paranormal romance, Immortals After Dark has heroes who are biiiig on acts of service, but especially the werewolves. Because the wolves see their fated mates as very literally their religion. If their mate dies, they are like, biologically programmed to kill themselves. So, YEAH! ACTS OF SERVICE ARE BIG!

I'd say her most approachable werewolf book, which is really a pretty approachable book in the series for newbies in general, is Pleasure of a Dark Prince. Garreth has been waiting for find his mate for FOREVER, he's kind of like a party boy, a little bit less... insane... than a lot of IAD heroes. Lucia is this very serious, cool, self-sufficient heroine who holds herself at arm's length from most people, especially men. So she's a bit miffed when this giant dude comes in and tries to do everything for her, lol. There's an entire scene where he's like, in a cage in her basement (look it's complicated) and she's super amped up because despite her best efforts, she is very attracted to him. So she starts masturbating and he can SMELL HER FROM THE BASEMENT so he's like, rattling the bars all "LET ME OUT!!!!!!! I NEED TO HELP!!!!!!"

The Footman by S.M. LaViolette comes to mind. It's initially a revenge plot, but the hero kind of spirals out of control (falls in love with her) and his grovel involves a lot of like, taking care of her and insisting that he's near her and fretting over her (even though she wants NOTHING to do with him by that point, which make him even more delightfully pathetic). Melissa and The Vicar also has some really good acts of service--Magnus just wants to taker care of Melissa, and Melissa has a hard time accepting care.

An Earl to Remember by Stacy Reid is a genderflipped historical retelling of Overboard; so the heroine is a chef on the hero's yacht, and he fires her before he ends up falling overboard. She finds him and he has no memory, so she ends up telling him he's her husband (naturally). As he has no memory, he's a bit shook by the fact that he doesn't actually know how to do manual labor, but he picks it up quickly enough and ends up doing a lot of literal work around her house while she watches lustfully (and guiltily).

I mean, obviously Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath is huge on this in the "I'm a strong single mother" realm, largely in that Jack Dodger is bopping around Olivia's life being like, the first truly hands-on father figure her son has ever had. But I also really LOOOOOVE the sickbed scene in this book.... When he's like, dumping her in an ice bath... forcing her to let him take care of her... Carrying her around that big ass house like she's a sack of potatoes...

OOOOOH Devil's Bride by Stephanie Laurens and Scandal's Bride both have this in SPADES. Honestly, a lot of Cynster books have this because Cynster men HAVE THE CONQUEROR'S BLOOD!!! But these two especially. Devil is big on serving Honoria in an effort to convince her that he is in fact right and she is in fact supposed to be his wife. Scandal is with Catriona, a woman who is extremely independent and used to running shit on her own, but he's like "well damn girl don't you need someone to at least like, haul shit around your property?"

One of my favorite moments in that book does include her slipping and falling on a patch of ice in the middle of berating him while he smoothly catches her, lmao.

A lot of Maiden Lane books gives this vibe to me, but Sweetest Scoundrel probably the most? Because Eve is so used to being strong and aloof, and Asa kind of forces her to let him take care of her. In so many ways.

For My Lady's Heart by Laura Kinsale is a classic in this sense, as Ruck is very literally a knight sworn to Melanthe. And initially he's not thrilled about it, tbh, because he's realized that she's a pretty morally dark gray woman who's not the lady fair he thought she was. But then it becomes more of a true service.

A Holly Jolly Ever After by Sierra Simone and Julie Murphy has this for sure. I mean, the hero is a bit bumbling about it at first but that's a part of his ARC. Learning how to back his feelings with true competence, lol.

Reel by Kennedy Ryan! In this one, an up and coming actress is chosen by a famous director to star in his magnum opus, and inevitably they begin falling in love. What he doesn't know is that she has lupus, so she ends up getting sick a lot, which leads to some friction initially. But dude. He takes SUCH good care of her. Oh my god. It's amazing.

Love, Theoretically by Ali Hazelwood definitely has some good acts of service moments, especially because the heroine is diabetic and the hero is big on like... respectfully looking out for her. There's a scene with almonds that I particularly love.

The Mackenzie brother books are generally really good with this, though for me, The Duke's Perfect Wife takes the cake. I mean, Hart is just... HE'S JUST............................

Shoutout to the scene in the book prior where he tucks like, probably the 1800s version of 50K into Eleanor's bodice all "this is the money I know your stupid dad needs" and she's like "MY STUPID DAD DOESN'T NEED MONEY AND ALSO WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN IN LIKE NINE YEARS???"

but her dad is stupid and does need the money so

If you're open to fantasy romance, The Sea King by C.L. Wilson has a hero who comes from a matriarchal race of ocean people and his sole purpose in life is to guard, care for, and pleasure his mate. Who he's decided is the heroine. (There is sexual assault on the page in this book, as a heads up--not hero on heroine.)

[igbeh]

my eyes are so open rn i get it i finally get it. oliver was doing it wrong. HE WAS DOING IT WRONG. saltburn stuff under the cut (im embarassed that I wrote multiple paragraphs)

the scene where felix gets mad that oliver is cleaning his room. confused me just a little. bc i was interpreting it as felix not wanting oliver to be just another .. idk servant?? someone that does things for felix out of obligation and not out of genuine care.

BUT HE DOES WANT THAT. DEEP DOWN. HES NOT AWARE OF IT. BUT ITS THERE. the mopey sighs when his bike is messed up -> expects oliver to offer his own bike to felix. gets mad that oliver is cleaning his room NOT because he's cleaning it but because oliver is vocal in his disgust and disappointment. i doubt that scene would have gone the same direction had oliver been silent as he cleaned.

felix loves that ppl are drawn to him. he loves subservience. to be worshipped. that is at the core of his being no matter how cool and aloof he plays it. its literally "inside felix catton there are two wolves." and i did understand that but what i didn't really understand was how impossible it was for oliver to win the game that felix was playing.

[torybrennan]

every virals cover i could find ranked on a scale from 1–10

i scoured the internet for about an hour today and pulled every variant cover i could possibly find for each book.

this is the one i grew up with. font? cool. tory? badass. love it. the only problem i have is that brendan's name isn't on it. 9/10

alternative and czech cover. brendan is properly credited and it's a cool cover! i like the font. it's a little basic but whatever. tory is absent. 8/10

now we're cracking. this is the UK cover and the hungarian cover (which translates to "infected"). that's a dog skeleton for some reason, and i don't remember a scene where they were all in the canoe together, but i won't split hairs. the font is a little overpowering but not awful. no brendan here either but i guess he wasn't the primary writer yet. 7/10

this is the arc version, which i had to photograph myself because i couldn't find a good picture online. not super polished but i see the vision. 7/10 because cgi tory creeps me out and they call her gen z nancy drew on the back of the book. she is not nancy drew. she probably thinks nancy drew is like other girls

this is the other cover for the czech translation. i dug up a lot of covers for czech translations. google translate says "strange and dangerous things are happening at the research institute…" no wolves and no brendan. 7.5/10

two french covers. the first one is essentially the original, but the second one? THEY PUT BRENDAN'S NAME ON IT! i also like that tory is more clearly visible. 10/10, i'd change the author font to the first one but otherwise no notes.

the germans couldn't pick a cover. if these are different books in the series, i couldn't figure it out. we've got "dead people can no longer talk", "only the dead know the truth", and "every dead person has a secret" according to google translate. gives more the impression of a horror novel than a buddy comedy with murder. 7/10 only because one of them included brendan

italian and tory edition of uk. pretty much the same stuff. i love that tory's there. stop leaving brendan out. italy what is that ugly font, it looks like you just took a cutout tool to it. goofy ass uk caption loses points. 6/10 and 7/10 respectively

TURKEY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???????? wolf faces are squashed, the quote is…fine, i guess, and i don't even want to talk about how much that badly photoshopped twilight-vampire looking blond girl is Not tory brennan. 4/10 for effort, i guess.

that's all. the french win. i'll do seizure another day because oh boy i have things to say about those covers

[sixstringpansy]

there are two wolves inside you. one of them wants to dress up like a basic bitch, because you were always scared you weren't "cool enough" to act like a popular kid in high school, despite wanting to participate, and despite liking many of the things the popular kids were interested in. the other wants to go full punk/scene/emo, because it was your dream when you were younger, and you thought it was the coolest, even before you were in high school, even before you had an inkling of what you were like as a person.

neither wolf wins, because you know that dressing/acting "alt" is no longer "alternative" or "punk" at all-- it's mainstream, and that defeats the purpose of being punk. the purpose is to stand out, to showcase your individuality, to show that who you are can't be defined by the boxes of society. So, no, I don't want to dress basic, and I don't want to dress alt. I want to dress like me, whatever that looks like. And I want to do things that I like, and listen to music that I love, and be kind to people, without ever stopping to consider what labels I fit into. I think that's what it means to be punk.

I want to dress how I want to, every single day. I want to dress in one style half the time, and have a completely different aesthetic the next day, and not worry about it. To not care about it at all.

It seems like you always have to commit to things like this. You've gotta be punk or goth 24/7, and if you're goth once a week and you dress up like a normal basic person the next day, you're not really goth. Well, fuck that. That's not the point. That was never the point. And somewhere along the way, things got lost in translation.

It was always about "being yourself," and that's never changed. But, everybody took that to mean "pick a style and stick with it." But I'm not one thing, I'm not one style.

By not giving a damn about that stupid label, by refusing to pick one aesthetic, by refusing to fit into the box-- I'm being true to myself. And that's punk.

The punk kids have forgotten that. Punk isn't a style. It never was. It's a mindset. And when the rebellion becomes just another subset of society, you have to rebel against the rebellion.

[foxeroni]

VOTE FOR JOEL

Reasons:

1. He is an absolute loser and a pathetic meow meow

In season 2 he is so insecure that he goes out of his way to make lore in order to make it cannon that he is tall and sexy. His own wife refuses to be his lawyer because she knows he will lose.

Going off the last sentence, in last life, whenever joel interacts with lizzie she always talks about how incompetent he is before and afterwards. In the one scene where she flirts with him, he has the most awkward and uncool respince possible. She votes for him to die first and profits off it. He dies 4 times in the second episode and looses all his friends (only had one to begin with).

In afterlife when Joel has objectively the best origin in the game, he needs an umbrella to walk in the rain. He dies in his second origin because he accidently walks off a cliff. When he has the supposedly "cool" origin (iceling) he falls into a cauldron by accident.

(Have not wached x life yet)

2. Joel is also a total whore

He sleeps with sausage in like the third episode of empires s2. He and his worst-enemy-turned-friend Jimmy fuck barely 2 episodes after they become friends. His wife is a ten foot tall axolotl hybrid who could absolutely step on him and he would let her.

In the first few episodes of double life he takes as little damage as possible and tries to stay out of trouble on green and yellow despite his soulmate going to the deep dark and spawning the warden, all while building a lovely and flammable home.

Joel also flirts with Jimmy in empires s1 and somehow asking Jimmy to be his best man is more romantic than a marriage proposal to his own wife?? He has bi wife energy.

3. He is absolutely unhinged and chaotic

In third life, he tames a wolf army and sicks them on absolutly everyone. It is also believed that one of the life series 'curses' is that the player that tames the most wolves is the most unhinged.

When he goes red life in LL, he tries to get kills on absolutly everyone possible, he also has no hesition when lying to his teammate when he is the boogeyman. He goes on a killing spree with grian at the end, it's even said by Scott that dying of "natural causes" included dying at joel and grians hands.

During double life, as soon as the ship burns he immediately starts burning everything and goes on another killing spree. Also, the first thing he does after dying a second time is killing someone with zero hesitation.

He starts a whole religion and goes on a whole villan arc because of a fucking donkey. A fucking donkey.

Now this is not physically, emotionally, or even that visibly unhinged, but. Let's rember that this is the guy who spent like over twenty hours worth of building in Jimmy's empire for the purpose of 'it would be funny'. It is literally insane. On that topic, all his bases are also absolutly insane, one could say, unhinged.

4. Do it for...

Vote joel, for he derves to win the mcyt sexyman bracket. And if this has convinced you that he is too pathetic to vote for, then do it for his son hermes. Hermes is too precious for this world and his other dad sadly got out of the competition yesterday. Do it for the smol armor stand demigod lore child. Or do it for donkey Jeremy, idk.

Shoutout to @infamousvamp , who inspired this post, I tried to add more stuff and make difference points, but you should check out https://at.tumblr.com/infamousvamp/vote-joel-smallishbeans-for-mcytblr-sexyman-2023/ngx5hduweccw , the original. In the end though, it really dosnt matter, as we all would like joel smallishbeans to with this competition, or at least this round. Hopefully this has either influenced your vote or reminded you how pathetic joel is. Vote here at https://at.tumblr.com/mcytblrsexymen/round-four/kprd9e10zjmp

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

NITA STRAUSS + ALISSA WHITE-GLUZ: Behind-The-Scenes Footage From Making Of 'The Wolf You Feed' Video

Former Alice Cooper and current Demi Lovato guitarist Nita Strauss has released behind-the-scenes footage from the making of the official music video for her latest single, "The Wolf You Feed". The epic, headbanger of a track features huge, chunky, metallic riffs and the insane vocal talent of Alissa White-Gluz of ARCH ENEMY.

Nita comments: "If you look back at old interviews from the last ten years, any time I was asked about collaborating with a vocalist in the future, Alissa White-Gluz was always the first name out of my mouth. She is truly one of my favorite vocalists and performers in the industry and creating this track together was everything I hoped it would be.

"I'm very proud to release this track, especially now with everything else that's going on. This time in history, whether in politics, music, social media, or our personal lives, has been an eye-opening look into the two wolves of a lot of people out there, and maybe this song will be a reminder that we all have the ability to choose how we respond to things."

The lyrics of this song were inspired by "The Story Of The Two Wolves", a legend widely attributed to Native American storytellers. An old grandfather was teaching his grandson about life: "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued: "The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf will win?" The grandfather simply replied: "The one you feed."

Alissa adds: "Nita and I finally got to collaborate — something we have both wanted to do for years! 'The Wolf You Feed' is a kickass, catchy metal track with a really cool vibe. I kept the 'two wolves' analogy as a foundation throughout the song while playing up the dichotomy of the two sides of the tug of war we all have inside us. I recorded my parts in my home studio and it was an absolute pleasure to build this song with Nita. I am honored to be a part of it! Can't wait to do this again!"

"The Wolf You Feed" is the second song Nita has released featuring a star guest vocalist, the first being the enormously successful "Dead Inside" which featured guest vocals from DISTURBED's David Draiman and saw Nita become the first ever solo female to have a No. 1 hit at Active Rock radio. She also returned to her instrumental roots earlier this year with the release of single "Summer Storm", a fast-paced, emotive shred-fest. Combined, the two singles have had 3.5 million YouTube views and over 10 million streams on Spotify alone.

Nita made her live debut with Demi on July 14 with a performance of Lovato's single "Substance" on ABC's Emmy Award-winning late-night show "Jimmy Kimmel Live!".

Strauss had been playing with Cooper since 2014 when she replaced Australian musician and former Michael Jackson player Orianthi. She joined Alice in time for a mammoth MÖTLEY CRÜE tour. She was recommended to Cooper by the legendary rocker's former bass player and WINGER frontman Kip Winger.

Back in February, Nita told SiriusXM's "Trunk Nation With Eddie Trunk" about her upcoming LP: "It's gonna be half and half — six tracks with vocalists and six tracks of instrumental [music]. We've been doing ['Dead Inside'] live on the solo tour and it's been getting a super-good reaction from our crowds."

In early December, Nita told "The Mistress Carrie Podcast" about her decision to make the upcoming LP half vocal songs and half instrumental: "I did feel, and the label and everybody agreed, it's still important for me to keep my identity as a guitar player and not just branch off too much and go, 'Okay, well, now it's just guests.' Let me still have a little of what makes me me, which is the instrumental shred stuff. And the instrumental pieces that I've written on this record are, I think, better than anything I did on the first one — definitely more… I don't know if it could be more emotional but they're very emotional pieces of music and I think a little better crafted this time around. So I think all the songs in general are more well thought out, better put together this time around. And I do have some of my absolute favorite [singers guesting on it]. I have three amazing powerhouse female vocalists on this album so far."

Nita released "Controlled Chaos" to mass acclaim from fans and media alike, with Metal Injection calling it "a great debut that — as its creator intended — leaves no doubt", and Guitar World stating "'Controlled Chaos' is a panoramic view of Nita Strauss's many strengths".

As well as performing with Cooper, Nita has also played with R&B star Jermaine Jackson, early MTV darlings FEMME FATALE, video game supergroup CRITICAL HIT and popular tribute band THE IRON MAIDENS.

In April 2020, Nita launched "Rock Guitar Fundamentals" — a three-module online guitar teaching program suitable for learners of all levels. The course is available at www.iwanttoplayguitar.com.

[mostlyonthefloor]

BB Reread: Ch35&36

The hut. They're being sneaky let's go

HEARTBREAKING that the Wolves were disqualified actually

Idea: Rollond angst set when the Wolves are disqualified and all their hopes are dashed and there's nothing he can do and it's all because of his decision to tack that ended in them breaking the boat

Hal with that Social Strategy

..... did I just find a typo. "Hey, don't make such a big thing out if [sic] it, all right?" What do I do with this knowledge

STIG ALREADY WITH THE SNARK!! My boy he's grown so much since the start of the book

Sneaky Jesper wahoo

Stefan being cracked!

This scene is actually so full of tension. I can feel them swinging back and forth watching shadowy figures trying to identify the threats from the diversions.

It's cool actually that Tursgurd out-thinks Hal here. Like, he's a bully and not all that smart but he can set aside his ego to strategise and strategise successfully, by subverting Hal's expectation. He's sort of stereotyped as like the big dumb bully, but there's a bunch of little moments like this reminding you that he's not stupid - he can be a dangerous enemy

I actually love that this task isn't meant to get violent but Sigurd just lets it happen. He doesn't care enough to enforce no fistfights.

Ingvar and Hal are so cute aww

STEFAN BEING CRACKED!

Some Sharks are called Pedra, Knut, Ennit, and Karl. Takes notes

Just reading this I'm so excited that they won and I knew they were going to win from the start let's go!!

I remember reading this the first time everything was going so well for my boys and then Part 4 was called The Outcasts and I was like

[dreamy-channie]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨

drop the punk recs ✨️ (also sending this because we are mooties, not just for song recs 🫶)

OKAY SO MY PUNK (which my playlist is eclectic so theres punk/punk pop/rock/maybe metal) PLAYLIST IS OUTDATED BUT here are 5 of my never skips!

- Why Do I by Set it Off (ft Hatsune Miku)

- LoST by Bring Me the Horizon

- Dark Matter by Rivals

- Win Win by Set It Off & Scene Queen

- House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance (actually i think this is my top never skip song on my playlist)

[datastate]

chapters 11 & 12!

she is my ryuzaki... (honestly though, i'm really glad she's not just a picture & we get to see her in action(? hopefully! :D)

back to the usual aren't we bwehehe.... ahhh poor tobari though TT_TT upset for understandable reasons and he doesn't get any comfort, let alone answers. just shocked faces and Miharu

... i said this word for word the other day when i was out & about ...

i really do like what they ended up going with here... regardless of which side "wins" in getting the kinjutsu(? they spell it like kinjitsu in the tl...), it'll end up back in yoite or miharu's hands. there's just the hope that they actually have the chance to meet with each other before their groups figure it out, i suppose... grahhh;; knowing this inevitability as contrasted to the grey wolves + fuuma's intentions to sacrifice however many they must... seems this shinrabanshou always causes unnecessary bloodshed in its wake

i know it's just because he's sitting down, but i just imagine him lifting miharu up like a particularly mischievous cat here...

real talk though, it's a bit scary seeing how quickly tobari picked up on the restrictions, even if it was a self-imposed secret. he's a perceptive fellow when he's not being actively tortured... but also. grahhh. at least miharu redirects him here, because we've seen how he gets when he's defensive TT_TT mustn't be reckless...

she has the range... i'm so scared what's happening though. saraba speak to me

okay i giggled... the long pause between here. he really tried his best tobari. promise.

just. so much dread in my heart. he's leaving you behind so quickly tobari, but it's the same freedom you wanted him to keep. which includes "the opportunity to make mistakes" ... wails. if not, how will he learn, all of that... though tobari's experience w it is the reason he struggles so much now with making those decisions. woe...

;_; well that certainly explains it. for a freak <3 (said so affectionately)

each chapter tobari is just going through the wringer. oh my god. she's so cool though

hmmm... how true would this be w the past in question. because she has mentioned that it's affected by current emotional states; but there's also the idea that tobari simply took the blame to make it easier...

she's so funny <3 also miharu just barely peeking over... <3

damn, just carrying the conversation on her own too x'] you know, this would relieve a lot of stress for yoite having to speak aloud (kidding. he'll simply find more stressors in the fact nothing can be hidden. cooler, new problems to behold) -- but also just. continuously dragging tobari toward the front... i know he's the adult here so of course more negotiations have to be focused with him, but. it hurts me to see...

god she is terrifying, but it's SO fucking cool. especially for her line of work, there's hardly any question as to how she's reached the top this way -- & she'd probably be the most effective up there anyhow... so quick to cut...

this whole scene. is going to kill me. oh miharu... but also the reference of. why don't you try to take a look for those forgotten memories... i will be so joyous if i was correct somehow bwehehe...

oho... is this the first time that we've seen it fully... i was wondering if she would be able to read much of the knowledge within, or if it'd be so overwhelming & otherwise harm her, but i somehow didn't expect the shinrabanshou to react so quickly... yesss.... yesss.... <- sicko

ahuu... points. yoite mention.

really though, it is interesting seeing what the grey wolves are up to during all of this... really helps to humanize them in a few ways, although i'm very afraid to see what comes of. aheem. this.

[lux-et-astra]

The Sink Session Four Transcript

Session Four: Balanced For Eggs

#INTRO

[MUSIC]

VOICE OVER: Welcome to Sink Systems. If you are new to the service, make sure you start at the beginning. This is not the beginning. A warning. This session contains underwater too much, swearing, panic.

[MUSIC]

NARRATOR: Welcome back to The Sink. Where we plunger your brain’s toilet, unblock your flow.

[SFX: PLUNGING TOILET]

NARRATOR: So you can sleep clean again. It’s been bad this week, hasn’t it? Hot eyes, cold chin, sickness across your neck… we’re really digging in deep now, your dreams are getting worse, all the filth is rising, ready to belch up top. But it can be difficult, can’t it? Mulching around in the dirt, with the toads. In today’s session, we’re going to focus on the positive, so you don’t – overload. We’re going to have a break from what’s bothering you, fish out some sunny times, and splash on some fun, haha! (PAUSES) So you can relax. There’s nothing to worry about here. You’re safe. Let’s try and forget all about that bad guilty business. Let’s forget about what you did. Lovely yellow sun, hot nice wind. Let’s have a go at breathing it all out, instead. It’s a sunny place! Sunny. Yellow. Near the water. Breathe in… you can smell the freshness, the air, the green. Breathe out. You’re safe. Arms outstretched. I’ll count down. Three, two, one.

[SFX: SOMETHING PLOPPING INTO WATER]

NARRATOR: Go.

[MUSIC]

VOICE OVER: The Sink, by Natasha Hodgson. Session Four.

[MUSIC]

#SCENE ONE - COMMON MOSS

KELLY: Oi! What, are you helping me with this or what?

JAKE: No!

KELLY: Oh my God!

JAKE: This is so shit.

KELLY: What!

JAKE: Just wandering around, looking for… what are we even looking for?

KELLY: Check the clipboard.

JAKE: Common moss.

KELLY: Yeah, have you found any common moss?

JAKE: I don’t know! It’s all just… green, it’s a crap bit of lake!

KELLY: If you’ve found common moss, tick it off.

JAKE: I’ve not found common moss.

KELLY: Tick off common moss, I wanna win.

JAKE: I don’t wanna tick things off! It’s raining.

KELLY: The clipboard’s waterproof, Jake.

JAKE: It’s pointless –

KELLY: It’s not, it’s what Mr Forsyth said.

JAKE: What?

KELLY: Finding like, the little species, and the local fauna. If we tick off the most, we get a prize.

JAKE: Springy turf moss.

KELLY: Yeah, it’s nice.

JAKE: Glittering wood moss.

KELLY: Pretty cool actually.

JAKE: Silky forklet moss.

KELLY: Don’t read them unless you can tick ‘em off!

JAKE: Why don’t they teach us, like, what bark to eat when it’s snowing?

KELLY: (UNDER HER BREATH) Stupid.

JAKE: Or, how to find, like, North, using a twig…

KELLY: That’s ridiculous!

JAKE: What way’s North?

KELLY: I don’t know!

JAKE: Yeah, you don’t have a twig!

MAN: (FAINT) Looking for moss, is it?

JAKE: (UNDER HIS BREATH) Oh my God.

KELLY: Yeah, hi. We’re –

MAN: (SCOTTISH) Spotted some of you, uh, kiddie, uh, kiddlywinks with clipboards over the other side of the lake! Said they were looking for, uh –

MAN & KELLY: Common moss.

KELLY: Yes!

JAKE: This is the worst day of my life.

MAN: Nice to have a school project! Pointless, aren’t they. (LAUGHS) Bless you, let’s have a look.

KELLY: Yeah, there’s like, a prize, if you tick off the most – you win, like, a ch– chocolate orange or something.

MAN: Springy turf moss, bloomin’ heck, they don’t ask much from you, do they?

KELLY: Yeah, we wanna win, but it’s –

MAN: Well, thing is, it’s all in the lake, really. All the good stuff. The good moss. I remember my school, we had one with all different animals we were supposed to spot – rabbits, and wolves, little buttery–

JAKE: Yeah, yeah, thanks –

MAN: Little butterflies, and every single one of us came back after four hours. Just beetles.

KELLY: Jake, have we got beetles?

MAN: All we could tick off was beetles!

KELLY: We’ve hardly ticked off anything!

MAN: Better in the lake, that’s where the good stuff is.

JAKE: (SIGHS) Define good.

KELLY: Wait, in the – in the actual water?

MAN: Mm, that’s right, yeah, that’s where it all ends up, isn’t it! All the moss.

JAKE: We’re not going in the water.

KELLY: Wait, hang on –

MAN: Silky forklet moss –

KELLY: Yeah.

MAN: Common moss –

KELLY: Common moss…

MAN: Little, little girls and animals…

JAKE: Yeah, what?

MAN: Silky forklet moss.

KELLY: Wait, seriously?

JAKE: Wait, wait, what was – what did you say about – before moss?

MAN: What?

JAKE: Little girl?

MAN: The girl, yes, well, they looked for her, but, uh –

KELLY: Jake – we, we need to tick things off.

JAKE: Are you joking?

MAN: They couldn’t tick her off, in the end. No one could. Yeah, they looked and looked, but no one could find her.

JAKE: Kelly.

KELLY: What?

MAN: But… if you did – want to win, I mean…

JAKE: What’re you doing?

KELLY: I just –

MAN: That’s where it all ends up.

KELLY: (DREAMLIKE) Silky forklet moss.

MAN: Ay, silky moss, silky girls, I mean, you can’t just go back with beetles, can you.

[SFX: HEAVY BREATHING]

JAKE: Kelly!

MAN: Her parents would be chuffed, I think.

JAKE: Kelly, what’re you doing!

MAN: If you ticked her off.

KELLY: I can’t just go back with beetles, Jake.

MAN: Nice to have a project.

JAKE: Kelly!

KELLY: The clipboard’s waterproof.

JAKE: No!

[SFX: SPLASH, WATER NOISES]

[SFX: STRUGGLING TO BREATHE, UNDERWATER SCREAMS]

[SFX: HEAVY BREATHING]

MAN 2: We need everyone out please, quickly out of the pool.

KELLY: (COUGHING) Fuck. Fuck.

MAN 2: Please, quickly and as orderly as you can. There’s been a small incident.

KELLY: Fucking –

MAN 2: Miss – quick as you can.

KELLY: I don’t – I don’t understand.

MAN 2: We’re just clearing everything up.

KELLY: What’s happened?

MAN 2: They wanted it to be dry.

KELLY: (COUGHING) Wh– what?

MAN 2: It needs to be dry. For the fire.

NARRATOR: Now then, that’s not what we wanted, is it? That’s not a break. We don’t want to go where we’ve already been, back to the mud, not when you need a break. Think of the sunshine, think of the wind breeze, think of the laughter of the little hedge. Nice and easy. And just… let it come in.

[MUSIC]

#SCENE TWO - PARENTS’ RACE

MAN 1: Gorgeous day for it!

MAN 2: Sorry?

MAN 1: Nice day for it all!

MAN 2: Yeah. Yeah, uh, yeah. Thank God.

MAN 1: We were all worried about the, uh –

MAN 2: Yeah, they always promise rain, don’t they?

MAN 1: They love that, don’t they.

MAN 2: Mm.

MAN 1: Done any stretching?

MAN 2: (LAUGHS) Huh. Oh! Um, no, no. Not really.

MAN 1: Oh, nice! Confident, I like it!

MAN 2: Well, it’s… it’s only the parents’ race, isn’t it, doesn’t really matter as long as the kids are –

MAN 1: Bit of healthy competition.

MAN 2: Y– yeah, well, a– as I say, it doesn’t –

MAN 1: I’ve been practising.

MAN 2: (PAUSES) Have you?

MAN 1: Oh yes! Every day!

MAN 2: (DISBELIEVING) Every day?

MAN 1: Three months, twenty eggs a day!

MAN 2: (PAUSES) That’s –

MAN 1: Want to make everyone proud, don’t you!

MAN 2: Well, I mean… sure. But, uh –

MAN 1: I brought a spoon from home.

MAN 2: O… kay?

MAN 1: (CONSPIRATORIAL) It’s balanced for eggs.

MAN 2: What… does that mean.

MAN 1: It’s balanced! For eggs!

MAN 2: Oh. Right.

[SFX: STARTING GUN, CHEERING]

MAN 1: I was actually worried about it a bit!

MAN 2: Huh? I – it’s, uh, it’s happening now, so, uh – why don’t we just get on with it?

MAN 1: I know it’s just an egg and spoon race, but –

MAN 2: Hon– honestly, you don’t –

MAN 1: I’ve got this fear!

MAN 2: You don’t – uh, you shouldn’t be that close to me.

MAN 1: When it comes to eggs, you know, I – I – I once watched my father boil a chicken in an egg.

MAN 2: Okay, we’re getting the ba– we’re getting behind the other dads, I think, because of the talking, and uh –

MAN 1: No no no, it’s just pacing, we’ll catch up. The spoon’s balanced. For eggs.

MAN 2: Sorry, are you trying to put me off?

MAN 1: No, n– my father boiled a chicken once! In its egg! I used to collect all the eggs from the coop in the garden, and one day I collected them and brought them in, and he boiled them.

[SFX: BIRDS CAWING, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

MAN 2: Okay.

MAN 1: And then he called me over – you’re going quick now, aren’t you!

MAN 2: Yeah, I’m trying to.

MAN 1: He called me over – ugh – and it turned out, the egg he boiled, it had been fertilised, d’you understand?

MAN 2: (PANTING) Uh huh. I’m really –

MAN 1: The chick had been boiled, in the egg! It was boiled up, all his feathers were white and boiled. We were – meant to go shopping for new clothes, but I was too upset.

MAN 2: I don’t care, really!

MAN 1: We were meant to g– meant to be going to a stereophonics concert.

MAN 2: Please, I just want to – 

MAN 1: We were meant to be going to Milton Keynes shopping centre, to get a new shirt for the stereophonics concert.

MAN 2: Please just stop, will you just stop now?

MAN 1: (SLURRED) And in the middle of Milton Keynes shopping centre, they’ve got an animatronic frog. It burps disgusting bubbles.

MAN 2: Leave me alone!

MAN 1: On the hour! Come back!

MAN 2: Ah! The g– you’ve got – let go of my arm, stop running!

MAN 1: The chicken! It was – it was too hot, it – it, it was too hot!

MAN 2: Leave me alone! What’re you – the race is finished!

MAN 1: Stop running! It needed to be hot!

MAN 2: No! Get off – get off – get off me –

MAN 1: (OVERLAPPING) Hot and dry, hot and dry for the fire!

MAN 2: (STRUGGLING) Susan! Turn the children away! I don’t know where he’s taking me!

MAN 1: Ooh, I’m gonna get you!

[SFX: RUSTLING]

MAN 2: (PAINED) Ah, the spoon is scaldingly hot! How are you holding on to it?

MAN 1: Because it’s balanced! (VOICE CHANGES) It’s balanced for eggs!

NARRATOR: (LAUGHING) Haha, this isn’t relaxing, is it? You need to let go of this, find your sunlight, find your good news, okay? Can’t just let the poison in. You can’t just let it all take over you, can you? You need to stop worrying, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to be fine.

[SFX: WATER FLOWING, SYNTH]

NARRATOR: You’re going to be… fine.

#SCENE THREE - KIDLEYS

[SFX: HEART MONITOR BEEPING]

MECHANIC: She’s going to be fine.

WOMAN: Oh, my God.

MECHANIC: (LAUGHS) Come in. Thanks so much for waiting.

[SFX: DOOR]

WOMAN: Oh my God.

MECHANIC: Yep. So, she’s going to be fine.

WOMAN: Oh, my God. That’s –

MECHANIC: Yep. She’s responding to treatment, vital signs are good –

WOMAN: (OVERLAPPING) Oh, thank you –

MECHANIC: We, we are extremely pleased. So…

WOMAN: Thank you so much.

MECHANIC: Not at all, it’s looking good, she’s a much better colour, and her heart beep is strong. (LAUGHS)

WOMAN: Her…

MECHANIC: Heart beep. So, it’s much stronger now, so that’s… really good.

WOMAN: Oh.

MECHANIC: Um, vital organs are good, um, the stomatch, the kidleys…

WOMAN: Uh, I – I don’t –

MECHANIC: Yeah, we were worried about the kidleys for a little! (LAUGHS) But…

WOMAN: I don’t understand.

MECHANIC: Oh, don’t – you don’t need to worry about the technicalities.

WOMAN: No, I mean I don’t… I don’t think you’re saying… what the words are.

MECHANIC: Oh, no, no, it’s fine, it’s fine, the small infesting, the large infesting, both doing, oh, bloody, really well. The blodder, um – yeah, gal blodder…

WOMAN: Wait –

MECHANIC: Nice, powerful lums –

WOMAN: Wait, could you just explain –

MECHANIC: (EXCITED) For breathing! (LAUGHS)

WOMAN: Where is she?

MECHANIC: Oh, do you want to – see her?

WOMAN: Uh, I think – uh, yeah.

MECHANIC: Yeah, no, it’s a really good – okay, uh, yep, come on, quick quick, quickly then!

[SFX: DOORS]

WOMAN: Sorry, wh– what – why is it quickly?

MECHANIC: Yes, well, that is the… that’s the only other little thing…

WOMAN: What?

MECHANIC: Well, um… just at first, obviously, we weren’t, we weren’t quite sure what we were… dealing with, lots of things we hadn’t seen before, with the – you know, the beep, and the kidleys, and –

WOMAN: (INCREDULOUS) The – the kidleys?

MECHANIC: Yeah, well, exactly, the kidleys, absolutely, but now… well, it’s all become – it’s – she’s very powerful now, she’s – she’s a liver!

WOMAN: She’s a – she’s a liver?

MECHANIC: Yes, very determined… very determined to… live.

WOMAN: I – I’m sorry, I don’t –

MECHANIC: Yeah, so she’s been asking for you –

WOMAN: Well, I – I don’t know –

MECHANIC: Oh, she’s been demanding it! She’s strong now, all the metals, that’s, uh… that’s the other thing.

WOMAN: Wh– what do you mean, metals?

MECHANIC: Well look, I’m, I’m no expert…

WOMAN: Aren’t you?

MECHANIC: And in some ways, you really should have just taken her to a hospital, so!

WOMAN: But that – what – no, I –

MECHANIC: (OVERLAPPING) No, no, look, look, love, I’ve done what I can, but, you know, the garage is –

WOMAN: The garage?

MECHANIC: Yeah, look, well we’ve got cars waiting, is the thing, love, y’know – you’ve brought in, what, a flooded radiator? I mean, it’s wet, horrible, but… you know, I’ve got a Volvo waiting with truncated mats, I don’t really know about your stomatch, these kidleys… I’ve done what I can.

WOMAN: Please, I don’t understand.

MECHANIC: Oh, but she is powerful now, she is a much more powerful– that’s the main thing. She’s dry. She’s as dry as anything.

[SFX: ENGINE STARTS]

WOMAN: (TREMBLING) Oh my God. Megan? Meg–

MECHANIC: (LOUDLY) I’ve installed a radio! Just a nice little… little feature! Won’t charge extra, obviously.

[SFX: ENGINE RUMBLES]

WOMAN: (CRYING) Oh my God!

[SFX: POWER TOOLS]

MECHANIC: (CHEERFUL) Hop in then!

[MUSIC]

WOMAN: No!

[SFX: TYRES SKIDDING]

WOMAN: Please, please, no. I don’t –

MECHANIC: (FAINT) Come on, you’re the only one she wants!

WOMAN: I – I know.

MECHANIC: Don’t you want to get in?

WOMAN: W– I don’t – 

[SFX: CAR HORN BEEPING]

WOMAN: I don’t know –

[MUSIC]

[SFX: ENGINE RUMBLING, HORN BEEPING]

[SFX: WATER RUNNING, THUNDER CLAP]

[SFX: STRUGGLING TO BREATHE UNDERWATER]

[SFX: GASP]

MAN 1: Miss, I need you to get out of the pool, alright?

WOMAN: (COUGHING, SPLUTTERING)

NARRATOR: Nice and sunny, think of the sunshine.

WOMAN: Leave me alone!

[SFX: WATER, CRYING]

MAN 2: Come back! The spoon’s balanced for eggs!

[SFX: WET FOOTPRINTS]

NARRATOR: You keep letting it in, don’t let them in, okay? Just run, don’t let the poison catch you up!

MAN 2: Come back!

NARRATOR: Picture the sun…

MAN 2: (SCREAMING) Stop running!

NARRATOR: Picture the breezes, picture the sun, the sea, the birds, the birds, the birds. The scarecrow.

[SFX: SYNTH]

#SCENE FOUR - BIRDMAN 3

JOHN: (ECHOING) Jim, did a Birdman come to your school?

[SFX: TAPPING/KNOCKING]

JOHN: (ECHOING) Jim, did a Birdman come to your school?

[SFX: BIRDS CAWING]

JIM: Yeah. He was a bird, wasn’t he?

JOHN: Yeah. A big duck.

JIM: Yeah.

JOHN: With black eyes and a big black tail.

JIM: He was just a big duck! And it was weird, that no one –

JOHN: Yeah, at the time, even the teachers didn’t…

JIM: That is so weird.

JOHN: And in the dream, he’d…

JIM: Yeah, he’d get close to you, wouldn’t he, because – actually.

JOHN: That was the weird thing, wasn’t it? That’s what you didn’t realise at first.

JIM: He came to you in your dreams, he wanted you to see. He was just – a bird.

JOHN: Yeah, he was.

JIM: And… so were you, now.

JOHN: Bad owl.

JIM: Yeah.

JOHN: But the thing is, you didn’t realise at first, but he hadn’t come to scare you, had he?

JIM: No, that’s the thing, that– that’s what you didn’t realise.

JOHN: You didn’t realise, he hadn’t come to scare you. He’d come… to warn you.

[SXF: SYNTH, SLAMMING]

JOHN: Bloody hell!

JIM: Are you alright? What’s happened? Jesus, are you – are you burnt?

[SFX: HEAVY BREATHING, WET FOOTSTEPS]

JOHN: Look! Jim, look! Out there!

[SFX: WATER SLOSHING]

[MUSIC]

#SCENE FIVE - HUFF AND PUFF

MAN: I’ve got a story. This time we were at school, we were in the playground, in the middle of the chalk swirly snail, when Year 4 wanted to play wink murder. We were helping Mr Forsyth with Year 4, because Debbie the dinner lady usually helped, but she left early on Wednesday to teach Debbie’s Disco Dancing lessons. All her girls had to get ready for the competition and needed to practise the, um, what do they call it? The sexy hip dance. Mr Forsyth said, in his big voice, “right, who knows a story for Year 4?”. And Jess put her hand up, and said “I know the story about pigs!”. Mr Forsyth said, “three little pigs?”, and Jess said “yes, the tiny pigs!”. And then Small Amanda fell into the pond, because her ears aren’t balanced properly. Mr Forsyth said “those bloody ears!” and went to fish her out, and we were all left just looking at Jess. She said, and I remember this, “once upon a time, there were some tiny pigs”, and Small Oliver said “can we do wink murder now?” and Jess said “no! These pigs are very tiny. The first pig was one of the smallest pigs, and she wanted to make a house out of straw. The straw was all dry and pinchy, and it didn’t take long for the big, bad bird to see it. The big, bad bird shouted ‘I’ll huff, and puff, and burn your house down!’. And he did.”

[SFX: CHILDREN CHEERING]

CHILDREN: (ECHOING) I’ll huff! And puff, puff, puff! And burn your house down!

MAN: Oliver said, “that’s not right!”, and Jess said “yes it is!”, and Oliver said “it’s not a big bad bird, it’s a big bad wolf”, and Jess said “I’ll put you in the pond if you say that again.” (PAUSES) “Then,” said Jess, “it was the second small pig’s turn. She was even smaller, and she wanted to make a house, and this time, she made it out of straw. The straw was all dry, and when she opened the cupboards, there was just straw inside. And the big, bad bird came, and saw the straw house, and said ‘I’ll huff, and puff, and burn your house down!’”

CHILDREN: (ECHOING) I’ll huff! And puff! And burn your house, burn your house, burn your house down!

MAN: The story stopped for a second, because Small Amanda was here now, and she was wet in her leotard and wanted to talk about her ears. Jess said, “no! There’s no time for Wet Amanda! There’s only one pig left, and this was the smallest pig out of all of them. She made a house, and this time, she made it out… of straw. She was so small that when the big, bad bird came, he couldn’t even see her, and he was confused. He said, ‘I– I’ll huff, and puff, I’ll burn your house down!’. And he stormed into the house to try and find the smallest pig, and he never came out. No one came. And he couldn’t jump out. The fire consumed him, and feasted on his bones.”

[SFX: CRACKLING]

MAN: I said, “what happened to the smallest pig?” and Jess said, “sometimes it’s better, when they don’t come back.”

CHILDREN: (ECHOING) Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn your house! Burn!

MAN: Amanda was late for Debby’s Disco Dancing, but, she couldn’t do the sexy hips dance very well because of her ears, so they did the competition without her in the end. Sometimes it’s better when they don’t come back.

[MUSIC]

[SFX: CHILDREN CHEERING]

NARRATOR: Sometimes it’s better when they don’t come back. (PAUSES) We tried to get away from it. But it's too near the surface now. The truth wants to find you. I guess it's time to separate what you dream, from what you remember. Next time, sometimes it’s better when they don’t come back.

[MUSIC STOPS]

NARRATOR: Sleep.

#POST SESSION

VOICE OVER: On Session Five of The Sink.

NARRATOR: Things are starting to repeat, starting to recur.

MAN: Jesus Christ, Amy, it’s a fundraiser, okay? We’re supposed to be raising money to stop apes from attacking pumas by mistake!

AMY: They’re hungry, they are, they are bored…

NARRATOR: The truth won’t stay down. It’s rising, rising, rising, to the top.

WOMAN 1: Either I climb up some stairs, or… I’m attacked by snakes.

NARRATOR: It’s hot on your gums.

MAN: You have to just leave it. Some monster is not coming to get me.

[MUSIC STOPS]

WOMAN 2: (FAINT) Three… two… one.

[MUSIC]

VOICE OVER: The Sink is written by Natasha Hodgson, and produced by Andy Goddard. It stars Alice Lowe as the Narrator, with Jason Forbes, Celeste Dring, David Elms, and Natasha Hodgson. The music was written by David Cumming. The executive producer was Victoria Lloyd. It was a BBC Studios production for BBC Sounds.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Tues 30 March ‘21

Happy Tuesday! And to make it a happier tuesday, here’s Louis bursting on the scene to spread some cheer: “every day is a day closer to the first show back!” And that’s just the beginning! Someone asks if he has thought about making a documentary-- “already on it love” he replied. Listen yes, we knew that was what he and Charlie Lightening were up to BUT STILL- OMG!!! SOOO cool. Some people are not so sure but me, I think it’ll be awesome- cannot wait! Trust in Louis yall. And just to prove he’s a man you can trust he reacts in the ONLY correct way to react a dog modeling Walls merch-- “haha love that.” It’s wearing a bucket hat!! The Clifford picture we deserve tbh but for now this is excellent. He also said “got a decent chorus idea down” about what he’s been up to and doubled down on his most hotly debated tweet of recent times, 369. “Explain pls” begged a fan; “369” said Louis again, faaaanks for that love. That’s our guy, always forthcoming about his tattoos! Hahaha. AND THEN he responds to a tweet about how we always read too much into things but that he also trolls us with mystery posts: “fair comment”. WOW. He is truly a little shit and that is that on that! The man we love to hate ladies and theydies! And more on the louie topic of the moment people actually kind of hate, the NFTs. He’s asked about his recent follows and says, “some cool nft companies. I've been trying to educate myself in everything that already exists in that space.”

This year is gucci’s 100th anniversary I guess, and they are marking it by making a push to sell handbags, which means new pictures of Harry with a purses! Or so one can assume, the preview image we’ve seen so far is just his scruffy face, a lot of fluffy fur (on his Macklemore looking coat I mean but there is a lot of Harry hair on display too), and his dick necklace peeping out of the lapel of his shirt, looking extra obscene tbh cause the banana part is covered up so it’s just little unsolicited dick pic hiding in Harry’s chest hair, good lord. Yes yes we know babe you love gucci and dick and your gucci dick banana… anyway, the campaign drops April 22. It’s shot by Harmony Korine, who is a filmmaker, and a set director posted about working on a gucci commercial featuring Harry and Dakota Johnson back in Jan in LA so it seems safe to say there will be moving images to come. And speaking of Harry and filming, Heidi Gardner talked about doing SNL with Harry and told a story about him being reluctant to touch her shoulders for their sketch until she brought it up, and then him saying he was waiting for an explicit invitation to touch her. Aw, that’s our Harry; thoughtful and anxious. I feel like he works so hard to model the behavior he wants people to use towards him like, ‘people please I am begging can you please just be NICE and be respectful and stop grabbing me’, or maybe it’s just that he really understands firsthand how awful it feels to have your boundaries violated- either way I would love to manifest the same respect for him.

Ingrid Michaelson did a patreon live and talked about To Begin Again and how great having Zayn on the track has been; “Zayn's fans are intense. Very sweet. Aggressively supportive I think is the right word.” AHAHAHAHA YES ‘aggressively supportive’ might be the most perfect term anyone has ever coined for any subset of 1D fans so once again, HATS OFF to Ingrid the poet for a winning turn of phrase that I will certainly be using for a long time to come! She also said that the music video will be out in early April (and that it’s “a proper music video. It's not like your standard two people in a studio singing blah blah. It's different.”) Oh yeah and also that… Zayn and Gigi are married??! She said, “We’ve never met, I’ve never spoken to him. Zayn doesn’t do stuff he doesn’t wanna do and the fact that he did this song is very flattering. He’s such a private person and now he’s married and has a child so he does the things he wants to do…” prompting mass chaos in the zquad, but she later confirmed that she had just misspoken/ made an assumption based on their cohabiting and having a child together. And speaking of twitter leaping at the chance to go bananas over nothing, thousands flipped out because Lottie posted her gift bag from the Brits like “this means Louis is nominated for a Brit”!!! Lol WHAT? She got it cause she’s an influencer, but more to the point how does the SISTER of the nominee getting a gift bag make sense in any universe, you think they’re just looking up peoples’ family trees and everyone’s aunt gets a present like… WHAT??? Oh and also that they’re spilling the beans via gift bags before the big reveal… everything about that is ridiculous. Again, I’m sorry to say that I will be very surprised if Louis gets a nom but either way, we’ll find out tomorrow and not before.

And! You can bid now on a giant orange football jersey signed by Liam (or just look at the cute pic of him holding it)! It’s a benefit for the Wolves Foundation (a network of foodbanks in Liam’s hometown Wolverhampton, it’s unrelated to the criminally underrated 1D song alas). I hear it calling for you…

And finally, tune in tomorrow for Harry as Starfox rumors pt 369, this time For Real (only hmm nope probably not)

[fe3h-incorrectquotes]

hi hello i have time now let's talk about the new three hopes trailer and part of the recent feh channel!

feh channel time first, because this one has a lot less to deal with:

directly after introducing the game, feh refers to the characters as "students of garreg mach". this could mean exactly Nothing, but choosing to refer to them as students makes me think this is almost definitely a pre timeskip or early mid skip game. the fact that the mobile game's new summoning events are only academy arc heroes supports that, too.

okay new trailer time now that that's out of the way:

i'm pretty much certain at this point that arval is a sothis equivalent, and the fact that byleth doesn't know where shez's power comes from is mildly alarming. the glowing eyes though??? SO goddamn cool but also agarthan-looking.

"we've gotta win. for a new fodlan, one that will go down in the history books as the best ever!"

again, this could be me looking into things too much, but the "best ever"? shez you're looking a little sus, for lack of a better word. how would you have something to compare your new fodlan to if you hadn't seen other potential futures?

yuri's "let's do this, wolves" had me HYPED. his new voicelines are sounding so goddamn great and i like the slight change in his hairstyle!

his interaction with constance is fantastic as well, i love watching him rile her up, it's very funny. ngl i kinda wish constance had kept her curls but she doesn't look bad by any means! the fan being a part of her spellcasting is such a nice touch!

balthus really doesnt look that different to me lol but that's not an inherently bad thing. i just see very little change. nice to see he's still doing well!

HAPI. MY WIFE HAPI. THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE MY GIRL MY EVERYTHING. I LOVE HER NEW LOOK SO MUCH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SHE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. the little bit of armour, her new hairstyle, the fact that SHE HAS A GODDAMN WOLF IN HER ATTACK AND TELEPORTS OUT OF THE WAY OF IT??? SO excited for her!! im really really glad they incorporated the monster summoning in her attacks too!!

OKAY MOVING BEYOND THE NEW DESIGNS NOW

expeditions?? neat?? i wanna know what that entails! teatime is back but i'm gonna be real with you i kinda wish it wasn't. i really wanted tea to be byleth's thing.

THE WEIRD LITTLE TIME THING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE VIDEO HELLOOOOOOO???

"how many times have we fought now? either way, this will be the last." TIME TRAVEL SHENANEGANS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

this game might actually get me to like rhea a little more. we'll see. just based off her 2 lines in the trailer, there's a decent chance of it at least somewhat changing my mind about her.

"what if all this was just some horrible mistake? what if there was another way we could have solved all this?" oh No. i dont even wanna think about what this could be referring to.

ALL THE TELEPORTING AROUND LOOKS SO COOL!!

i can't quite catch sothis's line word for word but it sounds like "we must now send the whelp to an early grave" and i just. okay?? goddamn??

i'm gonna be real with you i am Very scared of shez. the fact that they can change the fate of the game, that it seems they can remember fighting against byleth many times in the past, and again, the teleporting, i'm kinda terrified. i doubt byleth will actually die in this game but that doesn't stop me from being alarmed at the last scene of the trailer.

anyway. can't wait to go home and get the demo!!