#correct me if im wrong im not a programmer
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inch resting
does anyone else feel me. can anyone hear me in here.
#ok but thats not how remotes work#you have to have the buttons coded differently to do different things yes#so the videogame is only playable with different remotes bc all remotes agree the x button is the same#so if you go by placement the game would have to have a different input code and recognize each controller as different#correct me if im wrong im not a programmer#but yeah
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ok a few months ago i went on a school field trip to this elephant sanctuary and at the very end of the programme the guides were testing all the students on the whole thing right and if you got it correct, youd get some kind of souvenir. so i got one question right and i got a cute magnet with a baby elephant on it. my friend however got a cool ass wooden keychain and i didnt get to look at it properly but it looked like a dangling wooden human sculpture thing and i was like I NEED THAT NOW. so for the rest of the quiz i kept trying to answer but obviously i got them all wrong! anyway after it ended i ran to that friend and looked at their keychain and turns out its a wooden elephant, still just as cool!!!! so then i ran to my teacher begging her to tell me where their gift shop was bc i was DESPERATE. at first she lowkey ignored my question and i was a bit sad but then pushed this little plastic bag towards me and said pick one. IT WAS A BAGGIE OF KEYCHAINS AND MAGNETS AND ALL THAT JAZZ OMGGGG. i dug a bit (shamelessy!!) looking around for the wooden keychain and i found it and took it back with me yippeeee.
i really love keychains esp when like ive EARNED it kinda right. but this one was too special to just put on my bag. it was so pretty too. im thinking it would make a good phone charm although i hate those bc theyre so noisy and wtv but the little elephant on my phone would be SO CUTE. bad news is the keychain is not a phone charm and it cannot connect to my phone in any way shape or form SO i bought a phone charm wire to connect it! hopefully...at least...erm
the phone charm wire arrived and im reallyyy hoping it connects. i have a feeling its a lose-lose situation in the sense that it connects but its too noisy and ill just pick it off after a while or it doesnt connect and i dont really do anything w the keychain which makes me sad
but we'll see yes.
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Chat a GUY just confessed his love for me (im lesbain & have a partner😭) he left a note on my bag whilst i was in the bathroom. it read AND I QUOTE, "Dear [my name spelt wrong], I've had a crush on u for awhile and I know you dont date guys but i am different and Im non-binary anyway come chat when you see this. Ill treat you the way you deserve. Sincierly, [his name] 🖤" bro fr said 'im different ill treat u better & the way u deserve🥺' pick me vibes? & he KNOWS im lesbian😭 (his handwriting sucks & had a bunch of typos i had to correct but i didnt do all for reference, we're in highschool!! Hes also a year older bro) what do i do? Hes also kinda my friend cuz were in the drama programme together & have roles in the next play where we need to talk to eachother alot & AHHH! What do i say?? Also sorry i sound kinda bitchy but this is rushed cuz im nervous as hell
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I've been thinking abt what songs catra and adora would skate to all day...
#i *think* skaters can do the long and short programmes so i need 2 songs each (if anyone knows abt figure skating correct me if im wrong!!)#and i want adora to do a sort of dreamlike skate#and catra to do a super like... menacing???#so im probably gonna go w classical songs#but I'll also give them both a pop song for the short programme because why not??#anyway#i need help w songs#so send in any u think fit their vibes!!#my aus#catra spop#adora spop#spop#olympics au#figure skating au#marie.txt
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never letting go ; chris evans
warnings : smut and fluff <3 minors dni
and also its my first smut on tumblr so im scared
pairings: chris evans x reader
requested on wattpad
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it started with a small argument. Ever since he started working with one of this lady, Kiara. he kept on talking about her, and told his mother about her and praised her a lot of times.
You ignored it a few times, but then you noticed how long he'd talk to her on calls, and you had that bit if suspicion that he isn't interested in you after you two got married and he was cheating on you with her.
The ASP programme was a success, for which all of them decided to have a stress reliving get together and obviously, chris agrees and also takes you out with him, as his plus one.
Chris again, started talking to her, and they were really close, so by sitting and looking at them talking, you felt jealous, and you sighed turning to go get a drink, to which he didn't even notice it.
Mark Kassen, one of Chris's friends, and also yours after you've seen him a million times at your place and on many gatherings.
"Hey!" He spoke, and you turned to him, a smile on yoir face as you greeted him.
"Mark! Hey!" You said and he smiled nodding.
"Its been long y/n, damn! Chris is a lucky man." He complimented, making you blush and giggle.
"Thank you, and you look great." You complimented him, and he nods. You and him indulge into a conversation and all of your attention which was on chris a while ago, has turned to him.
Two-three drinks later, Yours and his laughs, were loud, and you both didn't care, you were enjoying his company, because its really been that long since you laughed. Chris was always busy, and he always had time for Kiara, but when it comes to you, he brings some excuses.
"Oh god! Its been so long since i've laughed that bad." You spoke, still laughing.
"I know i am funny, you didn't had to compliment me all the time." He spoke and you rolled your eyes. The only thing you didn't notice that as soon as you started to smile and laugh next to Mark, Chris started to notice.
All his attention which was on Kiara, has turned to you. He noticed how you dressed, it was similar to the times when you dressed for him in the newly married days.
"So you looked upset when i came here? Is everything okay?"
"was that really that evident?"
"People say i am very great at reading people's face and thoughts, so guess for me, yea." He says and you giggle.
"As a friend i'd love to hear you, it makes you feel less heavy."
A sigh left your mouth, and he brought you a drink, and you looked up to him.
"Thank you, so, for the past couple of days, i mean weeks, i-i feel like Chris and I, weren't meant to be, i feel like the love between us is one sided, and he really doesn't love me anymore." You said your head down, and you spoke your thoughts out, it really did make you feel light
"I would be lying if i agreed to you, Y/n, he loves you so much, sometimes when you called him between meetings, he would have a smile on his face, so bright that everyone near him knows, that its your call, and when he hears your voice before any meetings, he really says everyone, that my girl really knows how to make me feel better, trust me Y/n! he loves you." He says, keeping a hand in yours, Chris noticed it and came towards both of you.
"Thank you, this really made me bette—"
"Hey! Mark." Chris says hugging him and then stands next to you
"Y/n?" Chris called
"Yes?" You asked and looked at he looks at you.
"can we leave?" He asks as he slides his hand on your waist, and put his head on your neck.
"See, i told you!" Mark says and you giggled
"It was nice to talk to you, I think we'll leave, he's tired." You said and he nods.
"I had alot of fun talking to you, see you soon!" He said and hugged you, and after your goodbyes, you two walked out, his hand on your waist.
As both of you sat down in his car, you notice how angry he looked, which honestly turned you on. He started to drive, your eyes on your side of the window.
"you won't speak?" you asked
"About what?"
"about why you look mad."
"you should ask that question to yourself."
"Well what did i do? Care to enlighten me?" That, that's where the point you started getting mad.
"y/n, you're pushing your luck!" He warned, parking his car near yours and his house. You both got out of the car, and you walked your way inside as you unlocked it
"i am pushing my luck?!" You asked as you sat down.
"do you want me to remind you what you did?"
"Ofcourse!" You said and rolled your eyes.
"You flirted with him, you flirted with my friend, Mark! Obviously i got mad!"
"funny how i saw you and Kiara flirting like hell, and if i just talked you feel like i flirted, great job christopher."
"Don't pull this on me!" He yelled
"YOu're pulling it on me, and it's not me, who were flirting with a girl, when their wife was next to them!"
"y/n enough!"
"No! What would you do if I didn't stop—" as soon as you said that, his lips smashed over yours, shocked at first, you kissed him back, roughly as he roughly kissed you, full teeths and tongues. Your arms instantly wrap around his neck as you pull him closer.
Small grunts and moans leave yours and his mouth as his hands travels from your face to your sides, he pulls away for a while.
"You need to be taught a lesson!" He said as you looked into his now-dark eyes blown with lust. He picks you up in his arms and puts you on the bed as he looks at you with a smirk. He comes closer and you look at him, your breathe hitches as you him.
he kissed you, with the same energy, and you being a smart ass, riped his shirt off as soon as he kissed you, a small chuckle left his mouth as he saw the eagerness in you, and then his hands on your back as he unzips that pretty dress of yours, leavimg in your bra and underwear.
"Eager are you, baby?"
you nodded, wrong move!
"i'm sorry what was that, talk to me, baby."
"Yes yes i am!" You said desperate for his touch over yours.
He pressed his lips on yours and his fingers hooked on your panties, you moaned as you felt his hands close to your clit, he smirks, and pulls away and throws your panties away. You whinned as the cold air hit your clit, and he just smirks
He groans at the sight of it, wet, just like how he liked.
"You made me angry honey, will you be a good girl for me? will you listen to daddy?" He spoke, his voice was low , raspy and sexy. You whinned.
"you have to talk to me, not whine or else you will be punished!" He groans near your ears, as his hands tease you, by simply running his hands over your thighs.
"Yes daddy i'll be good." You spoke.
"That's my girl!" He says before putting your one leg over his shoulder, and you meet his eyes, which were blown with lust. He pressed kisses on yoir thighs and then licked a strip of your clit, you moaned as you felt his tongue, your hands grabbed his soft locks, to which he groaned
He continues to eat you, and your moans were unstoppable, and he would eat you as long as he wants, you were sure it was a longgg night.
"Chris please!" You begged, and he immediately pulled away.
"what did you say honey?"
"Daddy please!" You corrected yourself and he continues, before you know you're already close and he feels you.
"You wanna cum baby?"
"Yes daddy i want to pleasee!" You begged and h smirks.
"Cum baby." As soon as those words leave his mouth you came undone, with a loud moan, but that still didn't stop him. It felt like he was starved, and got his meal after weeks.
"Who's making you feel this good?" As soon as he asked a question you answered immediately, or else you knew what he could do.
"You, daddy only you!"
"That's good baby, you're a good girl, baby!" He said
Just by eating you out he made you cum endless times , to which you've lost the count of.
He pulls away and kissed you, you could taste yourself. His hands made its way to your bra and unclasps it, throws it away to the pile of clothes on the floor. His fingers found its way to your clit and he starts to pump them. Your eyes roll , and he just gets turned on more by that look of yours.
He starts to press kisses on your neck, to your chest , to your everywhere before connecting them again to your lips. Your legs were shaking, and he knew how close you were by just his fingers.
"you wanna cum again baby?" He asked and you unable to talk by the condition you were in with him.
"give me one more i know you can do it." He pleased and then that was it, you came on his fingers, now you were breathing heavily under him, both of your bodies covered with sweat.
He lines himself, and kisses your neck leaving marks, before slowly whispering into your ears,
"Are you ready for me?"
"Y-yes." Just as you gave him the permission, he pushed himself in you, both of you moaning at the feeling of warmth of each other. Your arms around his neck, as your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer.
he starts to move, your legs shaking heavily, as you arched your back. He started pressing kisses all over your chest.
"God! You're so tight!" He groaned, as you gasped, his one hand tangled with yours on the bed.
"only i can make you feel that good, no one else can!am i right?" He spoke, and yes he was right, no one other than him can make you feel this good. He thrusted into you, your whole body numb.
"yes only you."
"that's right, only i can!." He grunted as he felt how close you were , and he knew he was close too.
"daddy i'm close!"
"I know, baby, don't cum until i do." He says, as you feel how slow he has begun, but he didn't stop.
"You're mine, all mine!" He says and cums, followed by you, yours and his forehead resting againsy eachother as both of you heavily breathed.
"I'm all yours." You spoke between gasps, as he kissed your forehead.
He stoods up to go get a wet towel to clean you up, and then later throws it in the laundry basket. Laying next to you, he pulls you closer and you turn to him, facing him as he kissed you softly again and again.
"Was i rough?" He spoke softly, as he looked into your eyes.
"Nope, you were perfect, for me though I don't know about my legs though." You said and both of you giggled , wrapping your arms around his neck
"i was not flirting babe, he was telling me about how much you loved me." you spoke softly, and he looked at you.
"i'm sorry, for yelling at you."
"I'm not mad at you babe, i was just feeling like there's no love between us, i felt how distant we both have became due to time, I couldn't stop thinking about it, and you know I blamed myself for it.
"i can never stop loving you, never in my life! You're the love of my life, i'm sorry i made you feel that way."
"and jealous too!" You said smirking.
"oh really from who?" He asked , pretty boy was confused.
"maybe if you spend more time with me more than Kiara."
"oh damn, well that's okay i can do that. I'm not letting you go." He says and you smile at him.
"That's like a good boy, and im not letting you either." You said and he kissed you.
"I love you so much." He says and you kiss his nose
"I love you too!" You said as both of you slowly drifted to sleep, it was one of your best nights with him, both of you tangled in bed with white sheets covering you both, your arms around him and his arms around you as he pressed small kisses on your forehead before he falls asleep.
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istg I can't write smut 😤😩
this is my first smut (on tumblr lol ) feedbacks are very much appreciated 💙
#andy barber#andy barber fluff#andy barber smut#chris evans#chris evans fluff#ransom drysdale#ransom drysdale smut#steve rogers#steve rogers fluff#chrisevans x reader#chris evans smut#ransom drysdale angst#chris evans angst#bucky barns x y/n#nomad steve x you#steve rogers smut#nomad steve#andy barber angst
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An Alternate Path
Genre: Angst
A/N: Originally this was supposed to be a two-part mini fic but people asked about a part three. I wasn’t sure where else to exactly go from there since the end of the second part felt so final for me. But then, inspired by a comment on the 2nd part, I began to think about how it would have gone if Arella hadn’t been revived with Mammon’s blood. Think of this as the bad end to the AU. This is the final part.
obviously spoilers for the lesson 16 incident and for lesson 50 (i think… correct me if Im wrong)
Replaced part 1
The Good/True End
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He sits in his room starting at the dried blood on his hands, heart aching from the loss of his mate. It had only been mere hours since Barbatos had taken her body to prepare for funeral rites but to the Avatar of Greed, it had felt like centuries. Why? He’s asked himself this question over and over. Why didn’t you check on her sooner? Why didn’t you call or text? Why didn’t you notice? Why didn’t you feel something was wrong through your pact?
As much as he wants to, Mammon has no more tears left to cry. His human is gone, never to return and it was the fault of him and his brother. He should have been there sooner. Should have reminded her how much he cared. Should have done a lot of things. He had every opportunity to, but he squandered all of it.
He rakes his hands through his hair as they whys replay in his head. The demon doesn’t have an answer for them- none that would satisfy them, at least. He lets out a yell as grief turns to rage and nothing of value is spared from his violence. Items and trinkets knock from their shelves, furniture overturned, by time the second-born was done, his room looked like a war zone.
It’s only then that Mammon collapses to his knees and lets out a broken wail as he can hear the restless cawing of his crows outside.
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Levi is alone in his room, having shut himself away hours ago. Laying in his bathtub bed, the Avatar of Envy loses himself to his thoughts and the view of the water above him. He can’t help but think about what would have happened if he had put his foot down when Asmo approached him to recruit him in helping his little matchmaking plan for Melissa and Satan.
And then his thoughts focus in on the other human. If she had never come, if they had never welcomed her into their lives through the exchange programme... Arella would still be alive. She’d still be sitting here, playing video games and helping him decide which anime he should choose to watch when there was a conflict of time slots. They’d still be talking about their Husbandos and Waifus just as they always had. But she’s not here. She never will be anymore. All because he didn’t have the spine to act like the older brother and tell Asmo no. Because he allowed his younger brother to monopolize his time.
His best friend is gone and he was part of the problem that led up to that. Levi has never felt so much self-hatred before and, just like with Lilith, he doesn’t know how to come to terms with the loss of another person so dear to him. For now, he’ll just lay here and waste away like the filthy, yucky otaku he is, wishing there was a way he could go back and undo it all or hoping that this was all just some horrible nightmare that his brain has conjured up.
“She’ll be back in the morning... right? She’s just sleeping over at the castle, right?!”
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Beel just eats. He eats and eats and eats to make the pain go away but just like his endless hunger, the pain never stops. He feels so empty inside that the only other option is to gorge himself until he physically can’t hold it anymore and vomits before he goes back for more until the cycle repeats and he runs out of food. The loss of their favorite human is killing him now- the grief of it squeezing his heart like an anaconda.
If he would have just gone to invite her to that new café she had wanted to visit with him only an hour sooner, this could have been stopped. But he didn’t. He didn’t and that’s what cuts deepest. He should have noticed when she stopped coming to dinner, or skipping breakfast, or not joining the student council for lunch day after day. He should have realized something was wrong then. But he chose to ignore it, thinking it was just one of those ‘moods’ Arella had told him about human women experiencing at certain times of the month. He thought he was helping by giving her space these last few weeks but Beel knows now that he was dead wrong.
Who would be his food buddy now? Who would let him drag them all over town in order to try out restaurant after restaurant, café and café? Sure, he had Belphie to take with him but his younger twin never really showed the same excitement when it came to trying out all the different food and drink options on the menu. The demon doesn’t realize he’s crying until the tear drops hit his hands. She only needed one of them to take a moment to see her and none of them could be bothered do just that.
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Belphegor only wants to sleep. He wants to sleep and never wake up again. In his dreams is where Arella is, happy, smiling, laughing. That laugh will haunt his waking moments forever as he realizes that for the second time, the Avatar of Sloth has caused her death. Belphie was only one of two brothers who rejected Asmo when they asked him to help with that damn plan of his. It had been too long since he and Arella had napped together after school or plotted something with Satan as part of the Anti-Lucifer league. How he missed those days.
He can feel the tears pool in his eyes as he curls up into a ball on the bed in the attic. He wonders if he had just stayed up here forever instead of trying to trick Arella into setting him free, would this hole in his chest disappear? As he buries his face into the body pillow Arella had gifted him for his birthday this year, he cries himself to sleep- indulges himself in all the good memories they had made together after she had forgiven him for everything he had done to her.
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Asmodeus is lost. They stare and stare at their skincare products trying to will themself to start their nightly skincare routine. How could they have been so foolish? The passage of time is so different to humans than it is to demons. They had only meant to take a month to match Satan and Melissa up so how had it turned to eleven already?! The Avatar of Lust wants to scream. Both at themself and no one at all. Hot tears still sting their eyes as they shapeshift. They change and they change and they change forms- any number of features forming and then shifting away as they try to find a look that they won’t recognize themself in but it doesn’t work. Asmo’s not able to look themself in the mirror for the rest of the night as they just crash down on their bed. They want to mark up their beautiful body into some hideous to match the feelings crushing their heart. Asmo wants to do something- anything- to themself to experience even a fraction of the pain Arella must have felt but all the demon feels now is just hollowness.
Their phone is vibrating on the bed next to them- a call from Solomon. No doubt he could feel Asmo’s distress through the pact they share but the Avatar of Lust is too tired from hours of ugly crying and most certainly not in the mood to speak to anyone- pact master or otherwise. The phone goes unanswered.
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Satan has his head buried in the books. He’s been at this for hours- there must be a way to bring her back to them! Melissa is with him, bringing whatever books he asks for in his search as she too is eager to bring the lost human back to this plane of existence. There was so much they wanted to do with her. From watching cheesy mystery dramas together to forming a small book club consisting of just the three of them, none of that would come to pass now.
As book after book turns up dead ends, the demon just buries his head in his hands. It feels pointless now. Who was he to play God with life and death? The thought of never seeing his friend alive once more is enough to break the Avatar of Wrath as his shoulders shake with violent sobs. He wants to go on a rampage- destroy the whole city but what would that fix? It certainly wouldn’t bring her back.
As the demon continues to cry, Melissa only wraps her arms around him and he returns the gesture. She runs her fingers through his blonde hair in an effort to calm him and it seems to work, if only for a little while. She pulls a chair up to sit next to him as she holds his hand in hers.
“Tell me about your favorite memories with her,” They girl begins, “We can’t undo what was done, but we can keep her memory alive by sharing the good times.”
And so, they talk late into the night, Satan smiling at all the memories of Arella that he holds close to his heart.
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“Hi this is Arella! I’m sorry I can’t get to the phone right now but leave a message after the beep.... Beeeeeeeeeep”
The sound of his brother’s laughter followed by Mammon calling Arella a dork in the background can be heard at the end of the greeting on her D.D.D.’s voicemail. The Avatar of Pride can only smile with tear-stained cheeks. He was beyond intoxicated, having just finished his fourth bottle of demonus for the night. He can feel the anguish his brothers have been going through all night and it only makes his sorrow deeper.
When Arella first arrived, all Lucifer cared about was keeping her alive long enough to make it through the year. She was unimportant to him outside of the viability of the exchange programme. Back then, he would have laughed at himself for the state he was in currently. She was just a human. Why did it matter if she lived or died if it didn’t affect the exchange programme?
But she wasn’t just a human. She was their human. She was special to him. And now she was gone. There was no second chance. There would be no merging of timelines to keep her alive. Fate was cruel, but sometimes Diavolo could be crueler.
Lucifer knew his longtime friend had a reason for this. He was teaching the brothers a lesson with her death. As much as it hurt now to lose another part of this family, things would get easier as the years went on regardless of how horribly they all would miss her. This was a lesson he and his brothers would not soon forget.
Cracking open his fifth bottle of demonus, the first-born scrolls through devilgram, saving pictures on her profile to be used in the memorial service. One of Arella with each of his brothers and himself and multiple pictures she’d taken with all eight of them from their adventures throughout the years that they’d all been together.
He lets his mind wander back over the last eleven months. All the red flags he had missed with his rose-colored glasses. They all made sense to him now. All the time she spent isolating herself from them, skipping meals, leaving either incredibly early for school or incredibly late for school. She was trying to get them to notice her over Melissa. He regrets their last interaction from a few months back. The way there had clearly been something wrong, yet he chose to lecture her about attending RAD on time as to not disgrace Diavolo. How he wishes he could take it back.
As the only brother save for Belphegor not conscripted to help Asmo in his ridiculous plan, Lucifer should have been the first to reach out to her. He may have been buried under paperwork, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t just sit and talk while he worked. He regrets not calling or checking up on her.
A video plays on her devilgram. It was from one of the nights they had spent up in the human world last summer.
“Awww, come one, Lucifer. It won’t be that bad. We’ll have those flowers from the fairy rings and make it back in one piece. I promise to keep Mammon under control so we won’t cause any trouble.”
The Avatar of Pride clicks out of the app as he feels more tears gather in his eyes. He can’t do this right now. Not tonight.
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Her service was beautiful- Or at least that’s what Lucifer tells Mammon as he and the rest of their brothers return home. Mammon wanted to go, he really did, but with it only being a few days removed from her death, the second-born couldn’t bring himself to go. It wasn’t because he didn’t love her or didn’t want to celebrate his mate’s life but it was still far too painful for him.
Part of him was still in denial over it too. Somehow, he’d managed to convince himself that she wasn’t gone. She was just stuck up in the human world and had forgotten her D.D.D here so he couldn’t call her. The logical side of him knew it wasn’t the case and every time he was reminded of it, it threw the Avatar of Greed into a deeper pit of despair. He’d spent some nights since she’d passed alone, crying himself to sleep begging for his human to come back to him others he would just lie awake, tracing over where her mark from their pact had been etched into his chest, set right over his heart.
Suddenly years have gone by now. His brothers have made peace with her passing but Mammon cannot. Visiting her grave never helps to ease the pain either, but still he goes. If Arella’s spirit still lingers, no doubt she would be upset if he didn’t go. It would only serve to prove her dying thoughts true when they couldn’t have been further from the truth.
“Hey, Treasure... Miss me?” There’s no one here but Mammon and a tombstone. “I miss you... everyday... So much changes every year... Both Asmo, Levi, ‘n Satan got kids now... little girls for them and Levi has a boy...” He pauses to take a shuddering breath as the cold wind blows. “Can ya believe it? The first kids born ta this family and their both girls and then we got a boy... sweet little things too- alla ‘em. I wish ya coulda been there ta meet them... Actually, looking at my brothers with their kids, it makes me wonder what ours woulda been like, ya know? And I wish none of this woulda happened... you deserved so much better than me ‘n I knew that. We all knew that. But ya chose me anyway and look where it got ya... Six feet under... If I could go back and do it all over again I would. I woulda told ya what was goin’ on. I woulda spent more time with ya. I woulda... woulda proposed... made sure you knew how much I loved ya everyday... I know ya probably can’t hear me, but I’m so sorry... for everything! I love you so much that I can’t move on and I won’t. If I die single then that’s fine by me.”
As he cries, thinking he’s alone, Arella watches from her seat on her tombstone. None of the brothers knew it but she’d been watching all this time. It wasn’t until she passed that she realized how deep their feelings ran and part of her wishes she would have waited just a bit longer before leaving for the human world that night.
She tries her best to let them know she’s there- that she loves them and is watching over them with Lilith, but she’s not strong enough to do more than move small objects around. She hopes that they’d notice but they never do.
As she hops off of her tombstone, Arella crouches down next to her mate. The best she can do for him is conjure a warm breeze as her spirit leans over to press a kiss that he’ll never feel to his cheek. Upon the breeze, he can hear a soft whisper of a reply.
“I love you too.”
And it's that reply that reassures him she’s there and she always will be. He hopes maybe in another life they’ll meet again and get to have the happy ending they never got to have in this one.
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taglist: @gayassfuckinghomosexual @joyvlee
find more on my masterlist
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me swd#obey me! shall we date?#mammon angst#lucifer angst#leviathan angst#satan angst#asmodeus angst#beelzebub angst#belphegor angst#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me levi#obey me asmo#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me oc#arella#melissa#replaced!mc au
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This is a post on the cheating accusations around dream mostly surrounding his response video.
If you don’t want to see this or any of these posts then blacklist the tag #discourse
SO I’ve been doing a lot of digging into what dream has said in his response to Geosquare’s original video and report, which was compiled and conducted by the Minecraft Java mods on speedrun.com.
I won’t talk about that original report in detail, but basically: the mods came to the conclusion that Dream had a 1 in 7.5 trillion chance of getting the pearl bartering rates and the blaze drop odds that he did within the 6 streams he did. As in, someone would need that luck to replicate what dream got. Therefore, he cheated.
I’m going to put this into a sort of ‘point form’ in according to topic, attempting to put it in chronological order.
Dream’s Initial Tweets
Ok so first like. these are bad. these tweets are what he said (on twitter, excluding in the speedrunning discord) directly after the video was Uploaded to Geo’s channel.
worth noting he did apologize later, although i wanted to talk about these two instances so i felt the need to include it.
there’s a lot of interesting wording in the apology tweet itself too. I personally find that when he apologizes he tends to still be very subtextually angry in them with the tone, but more specifically. where he says ‘although i have reason to be upset’, that’s kinda weak and really unneeded. Alongside the ‘intense criticism’, it reads as him trying to say he’s still in the right. kind of like “im sorry i was rude even though I had reason to be rude’. Its an apology sure but he’s not saying sorry for how he really reacted; its justified to him.
Dream’s Response Video
Dream posted a response on his side channel DreamXD on the 22nd, along with the report he had a supposed astrophysicist conduct. I’m going to talk about the report separately from the video for reasons I’ll explain.
Frankly, the video doesn’t really summarize or explain the report in a meaningful way. At most, it takes some points from it but tends to twist the numbers around, misunderstand the probability and math, and also what the report itself concludes.
Essentially, dream’s video insists that the numbers found by the mods are wrong and therefore he didn’t cheat at all, yet the report concludes that the numbers found by the mods weren’t entirely accurate, however they’re still extremely unlikely. This is also all under the assumption that the report is entirely correct (ill say how its not next)
His first point is that only his 1.16 run (that was at 5th place two months ago, would have now been 16th) was deemed cheated. This is true; the mods have said that he isnt banned outright and theres no reason to question the legitimacy of his 1.15 runs.
He also concludes that Geo’s statement that Dream didn’t cooperate with them, and that he deleted 1.16 mod folders, was false. This one is a little more complicated. It could more be chalked up to a miscommunication, although it’s relevant. Geosquare posted screenshots of the specific conversation they had:


Essentially it wasn’t entirely clear, i can understand how geo and the mods interpreted it in such a way. Altho April added in a quote retweet thread that dream didn’t supply the folder she asked for, so he didn’t supply everything they asked for like he states in the video
Essentially: yeah, misleading and weird on both ends. I dont think this is really anything quantifiable, although dream talked about this in the video heavily.
Out of this though, Geo DID correct himself in the description of the mods’ video. Dream shows this in his own response, but it crops out some of what geo says. here’s from dream’s video
that Update 2 is where he corrects himself. literally why the fuck would you crop it like this and put it in the video i mean this looks so weird and genuinely doesnt provide anything. Here’s what geo actually said
Dream specifically cut it before the line where geo mentions how he said he deleted his specific 1.16 speedrun profile. This one is just so dumb to me. I’d say ‘why not include that’ but either i feel its a) so there’s no potential for people to say what he had actually said could be interpreted otherwise easily or b) doesnt want people to know he got so upset he deleted files (ego wise yknow). Again, I dont think this is definitive of anything but god. it feels scummy lmao
The Video: Incorrect Representation of His Own Report
Dream straight up doesnt present the report’s numbers properly. In fact it makes the entirety of his visuals forfeit, i.e. the gold block analogy that goes on for like 20 minutes.
The mods said his luck was 1/7.5 trillion. Dream’s report says its 1/10 million (with the addition of 5 other streams) or 1/100 million (only the 6 streams).
I’ll only consider the 1/10 mil odds, since its all dream really brings up. but Basically; there’s not much difference between 1/10 million and 1/7.5 trillion.
Dream says that the difference is 7.5 trillion minus 10 million, aka 7.4999 trillion. This is what his entire visual with the gold blocks is based on. This is absolutely incorrect, i cant stress that enough.
You can’t find the difference of fractions by subtracting only the denominators. Like. this is elementary school math. it just doesnt work.
It’d actually be calculated as: (1/10 000 000) - (1/7 500 000 000 000) = (74999/7 500 000 000 000)
If the mods are wrong, they’re only wrong by 749999/7.5 trillion. that’s literally only 0.000000099999866666667.
Dream no doubt saw the numbers, considered 10 million vs. 7.5 trillion, and used these big numbers to hold his own point. PROBABILITY DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT. I really think he was just taking advantage of the seemingly big numbers here and wrote it out in a way that favoured him. The gold block analogy in the video played throughout the entire video practically, jokes were made on it, and he made a point of it being ‘so big the game crashed’.
It’s just plain wrong. even so a difference in the odds doesnt prove shit. He’s downplaying his own odds that he found too. 1/10 million isnt a small number. Even though the legitimacy of that calculation is in question, it is still significant enough to proclaim he cheated.
Some quick points before I move onto the report; these aren’t as significant in my eyes but it adds to the picture
there’s been criticism of his joking manor throughout the entire video, very specifically the Bill Nye joke. Considering he doesnt actually have a name to provide for his astrophysicist, this joke doesnt feel right
the mod he had a voice clip from (willz) even believes that he cheated and has agreed with the mod team the whole time.
Dream never has a name for the mod who is apparently on his side (more understandable), the minecraft developer he quoted, or the astrophysicist (most damning)
Dream states that fabric is used by most speedrunners which is true, but fabric and fabric API are different; dream also had the latter installed. my knowledge of how theyre different is limited, all i really know is the API is what can enable editing of the code while fabric is more a modloader. im not entirely sure on this
Dream has said at the end of the video that all funds will go to the mod team so they can make a client that will regulate cheaters. this has been noted as feeling manipulative or like a ‘bribe’, but it definitely puts the mods in a bad position.
either they accept it and look like they ‘gave in’ to dream and therefore acknowledge him in the right
they deny it and look selfish/taking dream’s kindness for granted
geo said they would insist it goes to a charity instead
Dream constantly disregards the mods as young, inexperienced, ‘just volunteers’ etcetcetc, despite the fact that theyre analysis has been discussed by people with confirmed PhDs without much criticism
Dream’s Report
The report itself is extremely interesting, in that it’s very questionable, but even so it doesn’t come to the conclusion that dream didn’t cheat. The tone between the video and the report is drastically different.
This is from the “3. What are the goals of this document?” section:
It essentially says this isnt intended, from the very beginning, to completely exonerate dream of cheating. Also note that the author says the mods’ report was mostly correct.
This is at the end of “9 Conclussions”:
It does notably say cheating isnt the only explanation, but it doesnt actually go as far to say that it’s not possible that he cheated.
But this can be argued to not matter if we consider the validity of the report as a whole
Dream’s Report: Criticisms
Possibly the first and most known debunking of the report is by u/mfb on reddit, although there’s been much more such as this programmer criticizing the code provided at the end of the report (partially due to how the author of it stated that piglins barter 4-7 pearls, which is incorrect: it’s 4-8), Andrew Gelman, an actual statistician professor from harvard, commented on the original mods’ report as ‘impressive’ while Dream’s report is being regarded as something funny in the comments, and even analysis of dream’s behaviours and his argument by a law student
But what u/mfb posted is what i’ll focus on. Some background into the user; he’s a particle physicist, is moderator in subreddits like r/cosmology and r/astrophysics, he’s regarded as a reliable source on r/askscience and r/askreddit. Basically, multiple other people have vouched for him and before all this he had many posts in these fields.
that’s already better than the unnamed astrophysicist.
The post is better speaking for itself but here is a few exerpts from it;
Essentially, the report’s methods are debunked by u/mfb-, alongside that a moderator of r/statistics regarded the report as ‘nonsensical in its application of statistics’ and linked to u/mfb-’s comment.
i’m going to end this here. Partially because severe backpain or whatever,.
but I want to say at this point its practically definitive that dream cheated, that he lied to us, and that he continues to do so. Much more could be said on his video such as his tone, intentions, the overt emphasis on the ‘biases’ of the mods.
I havent even mentioned that the ‘astrophysicist’ themself may be a scam; they are sourced from a website that is extremely sketchy, has no names attached to it, and was created less than a year ago (with practically no traffic on it until maybe a month ago).
But i hope this is coherent. I have interest in this so if theres questions im always open.
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Friends-to-lovers!Mark
genre: friends-to-lovers!au, (fluff, angst, mutual pining lol might seem like slow burn)
pairing/s : Mark / Reader, the dreamies all appear in this!!
word count: 12k+
tw: mild language, bullying :( but nothing too major im too weak to write that shit HAHHA
a/n: this was a rly cute concept I always wanted to write,,, like a older brother figure best friend mark and it takes place in a church camp!! but you can just ignore that and pretend its a normal camp if you're not like religious I guess u know idk I hope u guys like this!! it was rly fun to write smth with all the dreamies :( gif creds to original poster
Stepping into the hall of the camp, you took in a deep breath of the air through your thin mask, the only thing you could smell being the stale material of the mask mixed with the warmth of the air you breathed out. Your eyes wandering around the room before landing on the familiar head of light brown hair. Lugging your duffel bag and sleeping bag over to where the boy was, you greeted, “Hi,” tone sounding too tired for his liking.
Looking up from his phone, he shot you a displeased look, his nostrils flaring slightly with the deep breath he took in as a prelude to the sigh you knew he was about to give you. “Took you long enough. What’s with the mask?”
“Mom told me she wouldn’t let me leave the house without it, says I’ll spread my germs to you guys,” you drawled with evident disbelief.
Donghyuck’s heart shaped lips curve into a smirk, “Strange, that’s never stopped you before, though.”
You shrugged, running a hand through your hair absentmindedly, eyes simultaneously searching the room for where Mark was and it didn’t take Donghyuck very long to catch onto what you were doing.
“Dunno, I mean, it’s Mark’s first time as a camp coordinator. I wouldn’t want him having to deal with a whole flu breakout here..” you trailed off
Donghyuck cooed sarcastically at your statement, “how disgustingly thoughtful of you. So, basically, what you’re trying to say is that you’re doing this to make life easier for your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend!” you protested, earning an eye roll from Donghyuck- and a rather long one at that.
“I call bullshit!” You heard another voice pipe in and soon enough you could place a face to the voice when you saw Renjun take a seat next to Donghyuck, half-turning to Donghyuck to mutter, “I heard the word boyfriend and assumed she was denying her love for Mark again.”
You gasped, doing your best to look offended as you watched open-mouthed as Donghyuck shook hands with Renjun in approval, “Absolutely correct.”
You heard a shout of your name, turning your head to find the direction of the noise when you saw a navy blue sweater clad Mark, landyard round his neck, jogging towards you with a lazy smile on his face, his brown hair ruffled messily making him exude a certain boyish charm.
“Hey, I’ve been looking everywhere for-” his smile curved downwards into a frown upon noticing the mask you were wearing on your face. “You still sick?”
You nodded, “It’s weird, I feel like I’m fully recovered but felt like I should put this on just in case.”
Donghyuck and Renjun took that as a cue to proceed with their own individual conversation and leave you two to converse after Mark’s lack of an acknowledgment towards their presence.
Mark nodded slowly, his lips pressed into a thin line like how they did whenever he was thinking. He wouldn’t say, but he knew the mask would be gone before the day ended since you never liked the feeling of it covering your face; also because he was familiar with how much you loved your reactions to be unrestricted.
“Oh, right, I remembered what I was gonna ask you. D’you mind helping with bag checks later? There are really few girl helpers here now since most of them told me they’d be showing up later,” he shot you a pleading pout.
You whined in reluctance but nodded nonetheless. “Mark, you know how much I hate that,” you put on your best glare in the hopes it would dissuade him.
Jutting out his lower lip and batting his eyelashes profusely at you in response, you were prompted to continue, “It’s always so hard to be patient with them when they’re always rolling their eyes at me and giving me attitude for confiscating their phones.”
“That’s why I’d rather you do it, ‘cause if they had a problem with you, I know you’d just give them attitude too, also because I’d make sure no one gives you any trouble if I can help it.”
You scoffed at his snickering, trying your best to ignore the way his nose scrunch tempted you to reach your hands out and pinch his cheeks. The both of you walked over to the tables they had set up for bag checks, Mark following close beside you.
“You say it like you wouldn’t do that if it was another girl helper,” you accused him with a teasing lilt in your tone, seeing Mark shrug casually yet not making any move to deny your accusation.
“Well, just that if it was you half the work would already be done for me,” he winked, making you gasp, whacking him on the arm.
“Can’t believe my best friend is making things easier for himself at the expense of my emotional state.”
Mark rolled his eyes at your dramatic sigh, a soft smile never faltering as he spoke, “oh, shut up, you know I love you.”
You couldn’t help but hear that as nothing but platonic, hoping Mark couldn't hear the hitch in your breath, shrugging as nonchalantly as you could, “of course.”
You were friends with Mark ever since he transferred schools and moved into your neighbourhood, occupying the house just directly opposite yours. All it took was a single dinner invite to his family and the two of you shared an immediate bond over a friendly dance battle on the wii console. ( Till today you'd like to remember it as a victory for you since Mark's flailing limbs didn't help him very much in moving along to Lady Gaga ).
From then on, you never felt like him being 2 years older than you prevented you from getting closer - hell, you barely even believed it - with his constant presence near you, be it in school and out of school, cheering you on at your drama performances and vice versa at his band performances and basketball games. You weren’t sure when it started being an unspoken thing that if you were somewhere, there he would be as well.
But that was never awkward till you entered your teen years, Mark's changed physique gaining him more attention from girls, whereas your beauty grew more and more each day ( well at least it did to Mark ) and there was an unspoken knowledge that the both of you knew that your feelings for each other could start to wobble over the line separating platonic and romantic, but neither of you ever brought it up. You always just brushed off Mark's habits of buying you your favourite melon milk before school or saving you a seat at his table with his group of friends as all part of his duty as your 'older brother' best friend figure.
While you were busy fumbling around to setup a table for bag checks, Mark was fumbling as well in the pantry for his vitamin drink and preparing a thermos flask full of ginger tea for you to soothe your throat. Once he’d finished, he sounded the siren on the megaphone- after many minutes of ‘oh shit’s from pressing the wrong buttons on accident -signalling for everyone to gather as he strolled to the assembly hall, the corner of his lips quirking up ever so slightly at the sight of everyone already gathered and seated there upon his arrival.
“Sup- I mean uh…alright guys, thanks for being so fast in gathering," he began, silence ensuing in the hall other than the clean tapping of his shoes against the shiny wood floor, and hushed chatter from Donghyuck and Renjun, as he made his way towards where you sat in the circle, making as if wanting to seat himself next to you.
Not without an offended scoff, Renjun shifted his bum to the right to make space in between himself and you for Mark to sit down, the older boy holding the thermos flask in front of you with an expectant look.
"Ginger tea," he answered before you could even ask him what the flask contained, "make sure to finish it by lunchtime for your throat," he gave you a rather forced-looking close-lipped smile, unbeknownst to him that he was being watched by the entire service team, the only thing on his mind being to give you that and see to it that you fully recover.
"Thanks, Mark," you mumbled, grasping the flask tightly and lowering your head to avoid the stares you were receiving from the team, especially Donghyuck and Renjun who made their smugness a little too obvious.
He's just taking care of you as a little sister, you reminded yourself, desperately hoping your words would lessen the severity of the heat you felt on your cheeks.
Mark proceeded to run through the details of the camp programme, mentioning details of the day like wet games and whatnot. You would’ve remembered if you were actually paying any attention. The tip of his pink tongue would occasionally peek out to wet his lips as he spoke, his hand coming up to nudge his glasses up his nose bridge whenever he looked at his papers scattered on the floor.
You were starting to think it was a little ridiculous your heart rate could speed up watching him just sitting there, not doing anything particularly mind-blowing. Just sitting there being, well...Mark.
"Is that alright?" you snapped out of your trance when he glanced at you for approval of whatever he had been talking about for the past five minutes. You nodded mindlessly, shooting him a smile of reassurance.
"Yep, it's fine," you answered along with a few other murmurs from around the circle.
Mark sighed in relief, nodding as he stood up swiftly, clipping his pen to the string of the lanyard he’d slung across his chest.
"Campers are to be here in about fifteen minutes, everybody be on standby and mix around with your group till the time for the opening address I guess, I mean- yeah, just do that.” and just like that everyone slowly stood up in groups, dispersing around the hall. Mark held out a hand for you to take to help you off the ground just as you heard Donghyuck snort at something Renjun did, turning to you as his next target.
"Hey, Y/N. Try to get up without using your hands," your competitive nature got the better of you and you heaved yourself off the floor with just your legs, grinning proudly at Haechan, Mark’s hand withdrawing to his side quickly in the hopes no one saw what had just happened.
Mark winced as he felt Renjun slap him between the shoulder blades, his chuckle sounding all too obnoxious, "better luck next time, bro," as Mark flushed red, dismissing the blonde haired boy's teasing.
Mark huffed, not feeling bitter or anything, couldn’t help the endeared smile that appeared on his face at the way you cheered triumphantly at Donghyuck, who mussed up your hair as you simply grinned back at him, then at Mark. Mark’s breath almost hitched as you stared at him as if saying ‘did you see what I just did?’, and his smile stayed unwavering, shooting you a thumbs up because god, did he love you.
===
“Don’t you ever get tired of the pining?” Renjun prodded at Mark as the both of them made their way to the water coolers, the blonde haired boy twirling his bottle in the air with each throw.
“What?” Mark felt as if he hadn’t processed whatever Renjun had just said to him.
Renjun shot him a tired look, “Don’t act dumb, Mark. You know what I’m talking about.” Renjun was who Mark had first confided in when he realised that he had feelings for you, obviously earning a long lecture from the younger boy, who was very much insistent that Mark should do something about the way he felt before it was too late.
“Of course I do,” Mark muttered with a defeated tone, the muted whirring of the water cooler matching his sentiments.
“Then? Why aren’t you doing anything about it?”
“Ever heard of fear, dude? She’s like...my best friend, I can’t just like drop a bomb like that on her, it’s too risky.”
Renjun rolled his eyes, “And hopelessly pining for her every day is a better option?”
Mark’s mouth opened in protest, holding his now filled water bottle up in protest, “It’s not hopele-“
“I heard Jaemin’s gonna ask her out.” Renjun lied, making Mark fall silent as his eyes widened, speaking for themselves. Though it arguably wasn’t the best method, Renjun knew that someone like Mark would need a push like this if he wanted Mark to take action.
Mark’s jealousy was slowly creeping in, making its authority evident in his tone as he countered with a scoff, “I’d like to see how that turns out.”
“Well, you’re not exactly ‘Johnny Bravo’ yourself, dude. You gotta up your game! C’mon, you’ve got so many chances to do that in the next 3 days, might as well use them to your advantage,” Renjun karate chopped the metal railing for emphasis as they walked up the stairs. Though he was convincing, Mark wasn’t sure if Renjun would be the angel or devil on his shoulders in this situation, but whatever it was that he was trying to do certainly was doing its job in getting Mark riled up.
Walking back into the assembly hall, Mark spotted you chatting with your group members excitedly, the mask you were wearing in the morning now no longer covering your face- which Mark would never outrightly admit he was happy about.
“Remember what I said, dude. Don’t miss your chance,” Renjun’s words lingered in Mark’s mind, meandering around every other thought that occupied his head and slowly tainting each one with possible thoughts of how he was going to tell you about how he felt. Campers were almost fully gathered in the assembly hall now, with bag checks finished and opening address not due for another ten minutes but as Mark saw you spot him across the room and start to make your way to him, he felt his heart start to race- no, sprint -in his chest, threatening to burst.
“Babe! The tea you made me was amazing, I feel even better now,” you grinned at him, his heart at a loss, not knowing it was possible to flutter so hard until he heard the pet name bubble so casually from your lips, accompanied by your heart stopping ( well, for Mark definitely ) smile. Your hands flew up to cup his face, squishing his cheeks together with a giggle, the sound itself making Mark panic, his fist clenching but his finger accidentally knocking the button on the megaphone that sounded the siren, making you shout in surprise, squishing his cheeks even harder before letting go quicker than you imagined you could.
Donghyuck and Renjun, who were watching the scene from afar were busy laughing at the fact that you had managed to fluster Mark into sounding the siren, attracting the attention from the entire hall.
“Sorry, false alarm,” he spoke into the mic, not sounding apologetic at all, more preoccupied with how to make his ears not give away how he felt. What he didn't notice was that his cheeks were already wildly pink, both from embarrassment and the blood rushing back into them after that pressure from your hands.
“Are you cold? your ears are really red,” you laughed, playing with his ears absentmindedly as your wrist rested just against his collarbone, making him shove you away quickly in a desperate attempt to put at least some distance between the both of you.
“Excuse me, facilitator, aren’t you supposed to be getting to know your group now instead of bothering the person in charge?” he told you as authoritatively as he could in his panicked state, raising an eyebrow at you to which you scoffed.
“Power has changed you, Mark Lee,” you shook your head in mock disappointment, “won’t even let your best friend talk to you now that you’re all up there,” you used your hand to gesture high above you before you coughed, wiping away fake tears from your cheeks before sticking your tongue out at him when you realised it wasn’t making him budge.
“Get,” he shooed you away before taking his place at the front of the assembly hall, fiddling with his phone before he sat there idling away, trying to stop his gaze from wandering over to where you were with your group, the sound of your loud laughter attracting his attention whether he liked it or not, but soon Mark settled for subtly scanning the room so he could let his gaze linger on your group a little while longer before he resumed scanning the room like it was part of his role.
===
You shrieked upon the feeling of cold water rushing over your head, down your face, wetting your neck and travelling down the rest of your body. Turning around rapidly, you heard the camera shutter go off with an all-too familiar voice ringing out a "Smile!" your eyes landed on the culprit which was none other than said cameraman, Mark Lee, carrying a camera in one hand and a - now empty - bucket in the other.
Letting the camera dangle from the toy story camera strap you gifted him hanging around his neck, his giggly giddy laugh echoing within the almost-empty underground carpark. Usually this would've been enough to cloud your judgement with sheer endearment for the boy, but you opted to whack him on the arm and kick his butt as punishment for getting you wet with foamy water.
"You're lucky you have that camera or I would've drowned you by now," you huffed, seeing him pucker his lips at you, shaking his butt from side to side in some sort of attempt to mock you, which you found unbearably cute instead.
“I know," he told you in a matter-of-fact tone, throwing the empty bucket aside before bringing his hand up to comb through his hair and wipe the sweat from his face with the hem of his t-shirt, which of course caused you to look away quicker than lightning. The hair that he had now pushed back messily on his head was recently dyed back to black from its previous stunt of blonde he thought would be fun to try. You had to say, as much as he was annoying you right now, how he looked in his hawaii print shorts and his white shirt was distracting you.
"Feels good to be an organizer, no getting wet and gross like you," he stuck his tongue out, making you roll your eyes in response, snatching the bucket back from where he threw it on the floor so you could hand it back to the logistics member running the particular station game you were at.
"Don't you have other people to take pictures of?" you sneered, his seagull eyebrows rising in disbelief that you sounded as if you didn't want him there so he turned around, making as if he were about to leave.
"Well sure if you don't want me here," you grabbed his shirt before he could walk any further, pulling it so he stumbled back next to you, slippers stomping noisily.
"No, wait. I’m kidding stay here don't leave me," you pleaded, flashing him your signature pout with your best attempt at sympathetic eyes, making his nose scrunch up in a smile as his hands unconsciously clenched.
"God, don't give me that face," one of the participants in your group waggled her eyebrows at you behind Mark's shoulder, making you flush and shoo her away with a flick of your hand.
"Good, isn't it? if I keep practising, you bet I can get my mom to checkout my shopping cart for Christmas in no time," you grinned, earning a good-natured shake of the head from Mark.
"It's shower time after this right?" you asked, the sludging and squeaking of your wet slippers irking you as you walked behind your group with Mark, who glanced at his watch before nodding at you.
Mark couldn’t help the giggle that escaped from his lips as he saw the way your arms would unconsciously raise as you tried to take your steps with minimal noise. “Yeah, you guys can hit the showers after this, especially you.”
You heard his stomach grumble, your gaze shooting up from the floor so you could frown at him.
“Please tell me you ate during lunch...” Mark was sheepish, laughing nervously as he shrugged, his hands fumbling around as he debated on whether to avoid the question or listen to the scolding he assumed you were about to give him.
"Well, I got a lot of reviews on the catering??" you sighed at his reply, making sure he knew how displeased you were at that fact.
"Mark,” your hands found their way to your hips, “you can't just keep forgetting things like this, I swear, no one else is gonna remind you to eat if I don't," you told him, recalling how Mark had been like this ever since high school when he started taking up more responsibilities in student council and being basketball captain and whatnot. You remembered the many lunch periods you would have to spend with him in the council room with him rushing a proposal or his homework.
"Well, at least I still have you right?" he offered with a hopeful smile, but your expression remained unwavering so he continued, "c'mon, it's my first time leading a camp; I want to do a good job."
You looked at him in understanding, resigning to the fact that Mark wouldn't back down so easily since he wanted to work hard. "Alright, fine. But I’m still gonna hound you about necessities whether you like it or not, mister," he seemed to have no objections to that, simply choosing to nod at you as if it was something he wanted.
"Wouldn't have it any other way," he picked up his megaphone and held it away from you, pushing the button- successfully, for once -to signal the siren for the facilitators to dismiss their groups for shower time.
After you were showered and in a fresh pair of clothing, you brought your things down to the canteen for dinner. It wasn't surprising that you already saw Mark waiting in the canteen, though he was looking rather rigid while talking to Jaemin, which you were curious about since you knew them to be quite comfortable with each other. Walking past them, you caught Jaemin’s eye, making him halt his conversation with Mark to wave at you with a smile, yet Mark seemed to be glaring at Jaemin the entire time.
Gathering your group of kids to get their food, you made your way to the drink dispenser, doing your best to carry multiple cups at once so you wouldn't have to make a second trip back.
"Here, lemme help you with that," Mark showed up in front of you, obstructing your path as he proceeded to take half the cups from you, earning more than a few unnoticed stares from the campers who absolutely adored the idea of you and Mark actually dating.
"Thanks," you murmured, the tip of your tongue peeking out from your lips in concentration so you wouldn't spill your drinks.
"How's the food?" he asked you.
"Haven't eaten it yet, but smells great," his eyes crinkled in a bright smile at your reply.
"Really? That's great," he sighed in relief.
After placing the drinks on your group's table he sat at one of the empty seats and spoke with you for a while as your campers slowly came back one by one. You missed the suspicious stares your campers were giving you at Mark's presence at the table. He had a hand resting on the back of your chair casually, an almost identical scene from when you had to make sure Mark ate while he buried himself in student council work.
The two of you shared food from one plate since Mark had helped take enough for the both of you, not getting a separate one for himself because he was lazy. You know, totally not because he just wanted an excuse for you to feed him while he pretended to be busy skimming through the agenda for the rest of the day.
"Do you have to leave soon for prep?" you asked him, seeing an look of realisation wash over his face, nodding at you when he glanced at the time.
Letting out a breathy sigh, he stood up, megaphone in one hand while picking up your now empty plastic plate and cutlery to help you dispose of it.
"See you later, dude," you waved sadly, and you couldn’t help but laugh as he let out his signature nose scrunch and giggle before his lips jut out in a pout, waving goodbye as he left.
Considering the fact that for the rest of the day you were busy with your group and Mark was busy making sure everything was in order, the both of you didn’t manage to find the time to stop and talk to each other when you even simply crossed paths in the hallways, settling for a playful poke in his side or a nod of the head from him as a greeting.
Thankfully, just as your back had started to hurt and your eyes started to feel heavy, it was time for the night debrief. You walked into the room, glad to see Mark had saved a space for you and was waving you over to come sit with him, beckoning you over while patting the empty space next to him.
"Hey," he greeted you with a smile, his nose scrunching when you knocked over the hood of his jacket to ruffle his hair.
"Glad that one day is almost done with," your words were slightly muffled as you yawned, seeing him shoot you a look of agreement and nod with a sigh.
"I know, right? Hope none of the committee make noise tonight, I’m really hoping I can sleep as soon as possible," he admitted, pressing his lips into a firm line as he glanced at the things he was supposed to discuss during the debrief.
You wanted to get something to munch on to keep you awake during the debrief, looking around the room as if scanning to see if any members of the service team were in possession of food, and it was as if Mark could read your mind when he took out a pack of cookies from his jacket pocket, passing it to you ever so subtly.
“Thanks, dude,” you heard Donghyuck’s voice interrupt when he reached over to take the packet from your hands, bursting it open and munching on one, much to the dismay of Mark, though he didn’t say anything, simply smiling and returning to his papers when you flicked Donghyuck on the forehead and reclaimed your cookies.
Debrief went by fairly quickly, with Mark running through the points he needed to take note of as quickly as he could. You were already feeling a little restless after finishing your cookies so you leant your head against Renjun’s shoulder since he was sitting closest to you in the circle, earning a soft chuckle from him, “Careful now, your boyfriend might get jealous,” he teased.
Harshly whispering back, “what boyfriend,” you huffed, rolling your eyes.
When debrief had ended, you were feeling really tired so after washing up and changing into your sleeping clothes you were happy to have found Mark already waiting for you outside the girls’ dorm to walk with you to the communal sleeping area.
“You’re not sleeping yet?” you asked, already yawning. Mark shook his head with a yawn himself, “still gotta finalise some stuff for tomorrow’s program.”
You frowned, waiting obediently as he had already helped the both of you take a mattress each and lay it at the side facing each other since there wasn’t much space left in the room.
Squatting next to your mattress and laying out your sleeping bag, you voiced out as softly but firmly as you could, “why couldn't they have told you earlier? It's not fair that you have to stay up doing work for them while they’re all happily asleep," you felt a tinge of annoyance at the unfairness of it all but Mark simply ruffled your hair good-naturedly, assuring you it was okay, all the while his face was heating up from his heart fluttering at your concern for him.
Once you were tucked into your sleeping bag you glanced up at Mark who was still sitting with one knee tucked under his chin, his face illuminated by the light from his phone. As if feeling your stare on him, he glanced from his phone to you, placing his phone down to give his attention to you.
“Go to sleep, you’ve got a long day tomorrow,” his voice was barely a murmur, fatigue laced in his tone.
“You should be sleeping too, you know. It’s not as if we go through different camps..”
Mark let out a soft huff of laughter, whispering back trying to reassure you, “I know, I will. Don’t worry about me and get some sleep, alright?”
Rolling over in your sleeping bag, you stared Mark down as hard as you could, “no. I refuse. For as long as you’re awake, I’m not gonna sleep,’ you huffed.
Mark knew that your claim was far- fetched, seeing as he could tell you were tired, with how your head would lull to the side ever so often and your breathing would even out before you would jolt awake suddenly, remembering your promise to stay awake.
But true enough, he wasn’t even 2 pages into his documents when he heard the light thud of your head hitting the mattress, your breaths slowing down and becoming deeper. Seeing as you didn’t bring a pillow to the camp, Mark figured he could do without his jacket since he probably wasn’t getting much sleep tonight anyway, folding his jacket carefully into a nice rectangle, one hand lifting your head gently to slide the jacket underneath so your head could rest gently on it.
“Goodnight,” he murmured, tugging your sleeping bag up to cover you more before he resumed browsing his documents.
===
The next morning, during the briefing in the morning, one of the members leading the service team had decided to add morning exercises to get everybody’s energy up, part of this including stretches.
You were a little hesitant to do the stretches since you realized your shirt would ride up a little when you had to do certain stretches, but you tried your best. Mark was a little late, walking in and not being able to help the laugh from slipping out of his mouth when he saw you struggling to do the stretches, but he couldn’t stay entertained when he saw one of the older guys from the service team checking you out while you were doing the stretches.
His best solution he could think of in the moment was to shed himself of his jacket and wordlessly walk over to tie it around your waist, successfully covering you adequately and making you a lot more comfortable, as evident in how you could freely stretch without fear of exposing too much you weren’t comfortable with.
Your cheeks flushed, not expecting Mark to swoop in with such a gesture that you obviously weren’t prepared for so early in the morning.
“Sleep well?” he asked, his voice still hoarse from sleep, joining the stretches smoothly and you had to keep your gaze focused forward so you wouldn’t lose concentration.
“Yeah, you?” he nodded.
“What’s for breakfast, organizer?” you grinned.
“Cereal, dummy. You were the one that bought it, remember?” your mouth formed an ‘o’ shape in realisation.
“Oh, right,” you laughed.
The rest of the day went by fairly fast, the highlight of it being that Donghyuck wouldn’t shut up about how flustered Mark was when he was caught off guard during your session you were giving, when he was too busy admiring you and not paying much attention to what you were saying. “He was totally drooling! Renjun can vouch for it,”
“Renjun is not a reliable source, if anything, Mark was just tired, and zoning out. That’s all.”
You could practically hear Donghyuck rolling his eyes at you. “Listen to me, I’m just saying. I’ve known Mark longer than you have, and if anything, the last time I saw him act like this was... basically never, because Mark’s never cared about someone other than his family as much before.”
“Yeah, you said it, family. That’s what he sees me as, hyuck.”
“Yeah, his wife!” you choked on your fruit punch, pushing your dinner further from you on the table since you were done with it. “I mean, everyone can see it, might as well make it clear to the both of you before I have to resort to bringing you both together myself.”
“I love you too, hyuck,” he made a face of dismay, mocking you as he repeated what you had said.
“Also, does Mark have beef with Jaemin? He’s been acting really weird around him,” you voiced out, having noticed it yesterday during lunch.
Donghyuck laughed a little too loud, shaking his head vigorously, “Mark’s just weird,” he continued, voice dropping to a mutter, “I don’t know why you like him, he’s an idiot. But you know, I’m not here to judge, you do you.”
“Get out,” laughing, you shoved him off his chair, and his high pitched giggle rang out like bubbles.
Mark couldn't help the way his eyes searched the room for you whenever he stepped in, landing on you and Donghyuck when he heard the younger boy's laughter ringing in the distance.
"I bet if Y/N usually wore stripes you'd be really good at where's waldo," Renjun snickered at Mark's resemblance to a lovestruck-puppy as he looked at you and Donghyuck every five seconds while he ate.
Mark's head shot up at the sound of Renjun's comment, glaring at the boy seated in front of him.
"Whatever," he murmured, cheeks hollowing because of the way he pursed his lips, chewing aggressively on the food in his mouth as he saw Jaemin approaching you and Donghyuck to join the conversation.
"He's totally not her type anyway," he justified to no one in particular, earning a rather intense eye roll from Renjun.
“Does saying that make you feel like you have a better chance than Jaemin? It's not as if u can just… telekinesisJaemin away from her, you might as well man up and do something about it yourself if you wanna guarantee that he won’t get in the middle of whatever you two have going on,” Renjun sighed, shrugging as if he hadn't just had an encouraging best friend moment, leaving Mark wondering how Renjun could still manage looking so innocent sipping his orange juice.
Mark didn’t even notice when you had left the canteen with one of the participants from Jeno and Chenle’s group that wasn’t feeling well, leading him up to the toilet as quickly as you could because he needed to throw up.
The boy had mentioned that he had a history of bad health, and he wasn’t feeling well enough to stand on his own, so you figured it would be best if you could follow him to the toilet to make sure he wouldn’t faint. After many minutes of retching and coughing, the boy was starting to feel a little better and you let him wash his mouth before moving to lead him out of the toilet, only to come face to face with some of Mark’s fellow committee members- who you didn’t remember the names of, but you weren’t very fond of them anyway.
“What are you doing with this kid? Did you know that we’ve had to spend the last 15 minutes looking for you while you were doing God knows what in the male toilet?” one girl with a sleek ponytail had snapped, her voice sharp and cutting.
You furrowed your eyebrows, confusion taking over you, “hey, you should go join the rest now, tell Jeno and Chenle I’ll join them later.”
Turning your gaze to the committee members after you had seen the boy disappear around the corner, you continued, “I’m sorry, I think you’ve gotten the wrong idea. He wasn’t feeling well and I saw that Jeno and Chenle were busy so I took him to the toilet myself, that’s all that happened...”
“You couldn’t have asked another male facilitator, could you? Or were you just so eager to bring him to the male toilets yourself. You know, it’s hard to believe what you’re telling us, Y/N. I mean, we don’t necessarily have the bestimpression of you,” another one of the group had spoken up, and a strange feeling bubbled within your chest. You barely even knew any of these people, yet they seemed to have so much to say to you.
“This is a church camp...” you murmured, flinching slightly at how quick they were to bite back at you with an answer.
“Yeah, a church camp where this situation would have required a male facilitator to follow the participant, not you. Wonder what Mark would think if he saw you in the male toilets with a participant, whom, you know, is younger than you,” the ponytail girl had hummed, making you scoff.
“Mark knows I wouldn’t do that,” you spoke up, trying to make your voice as firm as possible.
“Yeah, but does everyone else know?” you were at a loss, your fists clenching and unclenching as you tried to find the right words to say to them, however they seemed to have beaten you to it.
“What’s your aim, huh? Are you mad because they made us in charge and not you? Did you think that you would’ve been chosen as well just because you’re close to Mark?” one of the guys had added, folding his arms and taking a step closer to you, his height practically towering over you. “You know, he’s not even doing that great of a job, for that matter-”
“Don’t you dare talk about Mark like that,” you frowned, though their laughter only served to make you feel even smaller in their presence. “Oh? Are we not allowed to? I mean, it’s the truth after all. The dumbass doesn’t even know we’ve just been making him do all our work for us,” she shrugged nonchalantly, making your frown grow even deeper.
“Is that how you make him go to your beck and call too? hmm?”
“My relationship with Mark isn’t like that...” you started, though you couldn’t seem to know what to say after that, which of course, gave them the perfect opportunity to mock you once again.
“Really, now?” the ponytail girl had leaned closer to you, the sarcasm in her tone making your eyes roll. “Then what is it like? like you and that kid you fooled around with?”
You held yourself back, not wanting to tear up from their words but not being able to help your frustration.
“I did not fool around with him. He was sick and I brought him to the washroom,” your voice trembled with the sheer amount of anger you were feeling.
“Sure, whatever, Y/N. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” They left before you could say anything else, leaving you dumbfounded as you made your way back to the hall for the next session.
===
It was no surprise that Donghyuck found your behavior suspicious when you returned to the hall, and though you acted as per normal through the session, when Mark had dismissed everyone for an hour of free time before dinner, he’d taken the opportunity to sit you down and squeeze whatever gossip material he could get out of you.
“What happened during lunch? You left with Jisung, right?”
You nodded, picking up the crumbs of bread that had fallen on your pants and tossing them elsewhere, “yeah, he needed to puke and Jeno and Chenle were busy serving food.”
A silence fell between the both of you as Donghyuck continued to look at you expectantly, “Yeah, and?” he prompted with a ‘duh’ tone.
“What do you mean, ‘and’? that’s it.”
“Cut the bullshit, dude. Jeno and Chenle told me Jisung came back without you, said the committee were giving you shit.”
You sighed, finishing the last bite of your bread and gesturing to Donghyuck to hand you your water-bottle, taking your time to sip your water- and pluck up your courage -before you decided to continue, “they were just talking shit, as usual. No big deal.”
“What did they say to you?” he prodded again, making you shoot him a look.
“You’re not gonna stop till I tell you everything, aren’t you?” he nodded with a sickening smile, batting his eyes at you expectantly.
“I don’t know...you know, like....they started saying I brought Jisung into the cubicle with me on purpose or something-”
Donghyuck’s eyes widened, before his eyebrows furrowed in confusion “Huh? To do what?”
“I don’t know!” your tone was exasperated, glad that Donghyuck felt the situation was just as absurd as you thought it was. “Whatever it is it clearly wasn’t what I was really helping Jisung out with!” you huffed.
“They said it as if I was fooling around with him or something...then they were saying shit like, like I don’t know they make Mark do all their work for them? And they asked me if I manipulated him that way to get him to do things for me as well and when I said that wasn’t the kind of relationship I had with Mark they were like ‘oh so you do the same things with Mark that you did with Jisung’? and I don’t know hyuck it was just really horrible and I felt like shit and I wanted to cry because I was so embarrassed but it was like I couldn’t even talk!” you gasped, practically panting after telling Donghyuck what had happened at one go.
Donghyuck paused, letting a silence fall between you for a while before letting out a scoff, and a rather exaggerated one at that, “aren’t you pissed? I’m super pissed and it didn’t even happen to me!”
You pouted at the floor before frowning at Donghyuck exasperatedly, “you know that there’s nothing I can do about it now. And as a matter of fact there’s nothing I want to do about it now. It’s over, Jisung is okay, and that’s all that matters.”
“You know that’s not it, Y/N.” In all your time of knowing Donghyuck, you would have to say that this was the most serious you’ve ever seen him act ( well, aside from when he’s playing video games with Jeno or Renjun ).
“Well, what do you suppose I do about it, genius?” you shot back, downing a big gulp of water to soothe your still slightly hoarse throat.
“I think you should tell Mark,” he told you as if it was the best idea in the entire world, earning a violent shake of the head from yourself.
“No way in hell- I mean, heck, that Mark is gonna know about this. Hyuck, I’m serious,” you put a hand on his knee that was on the bench to steady yourself.
“Mark already has so much on his plate, I can’t afford to have him worrying about even more things, especially not if it concerns me.” You could see that Donghyuck was thinking hard about this, the pout on his lips seeming to deepen as he glanced elsewhere with his eyebrows slightly furrowed, his eyes squinting the more deep in thought he got.
“I know! What if it wasn’t about you! I can just tell him the committee were giving somebody shit-“
“Donghyuck, are you hearing yourself right now? You’d have to mention me eventually if you went with that plan. Scrap that plan, go with my plan. Which is to just not tell Mark at all,” you grinned at him, holding two thumbs up in an attempt to be more convincing, earning yourself a very slow and accentuated eye roll from Donghyuck.
“Hyuck, I mean it. I know you’re gonna wanna do something to get back at them but believe me when I say I reallydon’t want this to be made into a big deal.”
“Yeah yeah, whatever. You have such little faith in me.”
You heard the sound of the megaphone’s siren signalling that it was dinnertime, so you said goodbye to Donghyuck and joined your own group to eat dinner.
Donghyuck, on the other hand, was busy gathering him and Mark’s group of friends to, if put in Donghyuck’s words- “spill the tea.”
Jaemin, Chenle, Renjun and Jeno were currently surrounding Donghyuck at one of the stone tables in the church that Donghyuck figured would make his announcement more professional, “okay, boys, first order of business. Let me tell you what happened to Y/N just now after she helped Jisung puke and whatever,” Jeno and Chenle shared what seemed to be a knowing look whereas Renjun and Jaemin just looked confused.
“Something happened?” Renjun spoke up, earning an equally confused sound from Jaemin, to which Donghyuck nodded gravely, proceeding to tell them exactly what you had told him prior to dinner time.
“I knew it!” Chenle shouted, standing up in his excitement before being shushed and shoved back into his seat by Jaemin and Renjun.
“I knew something was up when I was having touch time with Jisung just now, he said that the committee were saying things that ‘weren’t so nice’ to her but he couldn’t exactly remember what it was,” Jeno explained on Chenle’s behalf since the latter was too busy enjoying the fact that he was right about his suspicions against the committee.
“And she just stood there and took all of that?” Jaemnin asked, concern laced in his tone, glancing at a pissed-looking Renjun mid-speech.
“Well, she did say she was so humiliated and I doubt she could’ve gotten anything else in with all of those psychos ganging up on her,” Donghyuck shrugged, “which is why I say we should do something about it! Avenge our dear sister whom Mark just so happens to be in love with!” Donghyuck pumped his fist in the air, earning a sound of agreement from Jeno and Chenle, but he felt opposition the moment he glanced at Renjun and Jaemin’s concerned expression.
“I don’t know, hyuck. I mean she did say she didn’t want it to be a big deal...” Jaemin started.
Chenle jumping in quickly to add, “Unless we just tell Mark?”
“But that’s exactly what she didn’t want us to do!” Jaemin shushed Chenle again, who simply shrugged in defeat, “well that’s the limit of my ideas, man,” Chenle shrugged.
“I think we should tell Mark,” Renjun piped up, to which Jaemin asked, “wait are you on our team or against us?”
“Nobody’s against anybody here!” Donghyuck sighed, desperately wanting to facepalm, thinking again to himself why he thought telling them would be a good idea.
“The only people we should be against are those stupid committee members.”
“Wait who are they again?” Jeno asked, earning a loud groan from Jaemin.
Eventually, their discussion drifted elsewhere after someone had mentioned the brownies being served for dessert, leaving Renjun to be the only one silently thinking of how to approach Mark to break the news to him before it was time for debrief since the group of them couldn’t decide on things for shit.
===
“Dude I need to talk to you,” Renjun closed the door to the empty committee room that Mark was currently in, since after the groups were done sharing they would have to be dismissed to go to sleep and it would already be time for debrief.
“Uh-huh,” Mark barely glanced away from his notes he’d taken in the day, earning a tired look from Renjun.
“Dude I’m serious, I need to talk to you it’s about Y/N.”
“Huh?” Mark finally tore his gaze from his papers, before shaking his head and returning his glare to them again, saying, “Renjun, I’m really sorry but can this wait? I really need to make sure got everything down here, the priest is gonna be there at the debrief later and if I screw this up it’s gonna look really bad on me as the person in charge.”
Raising his hands in an action of surrender, “Ok, fine man, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
===
When you got to the room where the debrief was going to be held, you avoided the smug looks on the committee members’ faces as they whispered amongst themselves and pointed at you not-so-subtly as you made your way next to where Mark was seated.
“Hey,” you chirped, seeing his head tilt up to look at you, a smile on his face when he realized it was you.
“Hey,” he greeted.
You chose not to distract him since he seemed to be rather focused on his notes, making you feel a little upset at how he was over here stressing out about the agenda for the debrief while the other committee members were lounging on the table idling away.
Thankfully, Mark had started the debrief a little early today, with the reasoning that he understood everyone would like to go to sleep as soon as possible after the long day you had today. Running through the list of things to cover quickly, what was next was when Mark would routinely ask if any participants were not feeling well and he would proceed to check back with the groups on those participants whose sicknesses were already reported to him.
“Group 7?” Mark asked, and you knew this was Jisung’s group, so you were expecting Mark to ask about Jisung but Chenle and Jeno’s statement caught you off guard.
“Jisung was actually feeling really bad around lunchtime? Chenle and I were busy serving food so he was accompanied by Y/N instead, since it was pretty urgent and he’d puked up a lot according to him,” Chenle made a disgusted face at Jeno’s words.
“He’s still feeling a little queasy but we gave him some medicine before we sent him to bed. HIs mom says he has a really sensitive stomach but he claims after he puked he felt a little better. But thankfully since Y/N was there it really helped him- and us -loads.” Chenle nodded, flashing you an appreciative smile as Jeno awaited Mark’s reaction.
Mark’s expression darkened, turning to the committee members who were behind him to ask, “why was I not notified that we had a participant that threw up and was under medication?” the ponytail haired girl suddenly seemed as though she had a lot less to say compared to when she was outside the washroom with you earlier.
“Well, you know....uh, well, we assumed since Y/N was the one who was so eagerly helping Jisung, she would’ve told you about the situation,” she shrugged, her gaze pointed at you.
Mark turned to you momentarily before narrowing his eyes at the committee once again, “so you were aware that this was happening and none of you decided to double check if I was notified about this?”
One of the taller guy members sitting next to the ponytail haired girl had spoken up, “well since Y/N-”
“Whether or not she was involved is not the main concern here. Her responsibilities do not include doing the work that is meant to be done by the group of you.”
You looked at Donghyuck with a panicked expression, seeing his lips pressed together in an attempt not to laugh amidst the tense atmosphere that had fallen throughout the room.
“What the heck is going on?” you mouthed to Renjun since Donghyuck didn’t seem to be able to be of any help right now, seeing Renjun shrug, pointing at Mark before using both his index fingers to make angry eyebrows on his face.
Mark lowered his voice so he could direct his words more specifically to the committee members, “I don’t know what you take your responsibilities in this camp to be, but clearly you’re not taking them seriously enough, not with you thinking I’m actually stupid enough to not realize you’ve been asking me to do extra work since you’re all seemingly incapable of doing it, and to add on to that you think that even non committee should be taking care of and receiving blame for your faults?” Mark’s voice raised slightly before he remembered the presence of the priest in the room, which served to remind him to keep his calm a little.
Mark turned back around to face the rest of the team, “Any other issues you would like to raise? if not there’s no further things we need to discuss on the agenda, you guys are dismissed. Committee please stay behind.” Mark’s aura was a lot more intimidating than you’d seen him in a while, and you understood why since you knew this was his first time being in charge of a camp and he wanted to do a good job and prove himself, but it seemed like things weren’t going as planned.
You decided it was better to leave him to do his own thing now before he could get more triggered, leaving the room after giving him a gentle squeeze of his arm.
Renjun had met Mark downstairs in the canteen after most of the service team members had gone to sleep. He felt a little pity for the older boy, seeing how his eyes had dark circles under them, his hair was messy now probably after many times of frustratedly running his hands through it, and he looked absolutely ready to pass out.
“So...debrief, huh,” Renjun let out a low whistle.
“I know, it was a mess. I can’t believe I could let that happen-“
“Did they tell you what happened?”
Mark’s eyes narrowed at Renjun, taking a seat at the bench in the open air, enjoying the cool wind of the night time that served to comfort him just a little in the midst of him feeling like absolute shit. “You mean you’re telling me there’s more that happened?” Mark’s voice was tired, sounding as if nothing would surprise him any more than he already was.
“The committee, they basically attacked - well, verbally attacked -Y/N when they saw her coming out of the male toilets with Jisung.”
Mark frowned, already getting riled up at the thought of what kind of things they could have said to you.
“They were talking to her as if she’d brought Jisung to the toilet to do....things with him, and they sort of told her that you weren’t doing that great of a job as someone in charge and asked her if she manipulated you into being at her ‘beck and call’ too…and- I don’t know there was a lot of things. They sort of put her on the spot,” Mark fell silent, the only thing he could liken his emotions to was a washing machine with his anger just busily rolling around in his mind and heart.
“Okay before you get mad, or more mad actually, the rest of the gang and I were saying that we wanted to respect her decision of not wanting to make this a big deal-”
“Wait so the rest of the guys know what happened already? I’m the last one to know?”
Renjun sucked in a sharp breath, “well....yeah,”
Mark ran his fingers through his hair for what must’ve been the hundredth time that night, “What the hell...why didn’t she tell me?”
“I mean-” Mark stood up suddenly, shocking Renjun. Mark fiddled with his phone, quickly thumbing out a message to ask you where you were.
12:18am -huh, why? i was just about to go to the sleeping area-
Mark 12:18 am -wait for me at the door-
Mark pocketed his phone quickly, “sorry, man, I gotta go.”
“Okay, fine, just totally abandon your friend who just gave you important information. It’s fine with me,” Renjun threw his hands up in exaggerated offence.
Mark was anticipating some sort of dramatic confrontation to happen when he reached the door but when he actually saw you in front of him, he’d felt as though he’d lost all the words he wanted to say.
You were relatively quiet since you weren’t sure how Mark was feeling, but you let him do the usual and bring mattresses for the both of you to lay it on the stage.
Since you were already tired beyond belief from the events that happened during the day, you didn’t refuse this time to lay in your sleeping bag and get ready to sleep, hearing Mark mumble something next to you, making you turn your head to face him, a small hum escaping your lips.
“What happened this afternoon?” he asked you, his voice clear enough that you wouldn’t have mistaken him to be saying something else. Though at this time of the night, you were desperate to give him answers to his questions so you could go to sleep, simply choosing to tell him what you thought he was asking you.
“Jisung wasn’t feeling well, he said he felt like throwing up so I brought him to the toilet.”
You heard a silence from him, assuming he was finished with his questions, “I’m gonna sleep no-”
“I asked about you, not about Jisung.”
You were too tired to realize the annoyance in his tone, turning to face him, eyebrows furrowing, “me? Nothing happened to be I mean yeah sure seeing him puke kind of made me want to puke but-”
“God, why the f-“ he stopped himself, looking at you before letting out a shaky breath, “when will you just put yourself first for once,” he turned around in his sleeping bag so his back was facing you.
“Mark,” you whispered, hoping he would turn around.
“Mark,” you murmured again, “Mark. Turn around, what are you trying to say?” you reached out a hand to shake him gently on the shoulder, feeling him grip your hand tightly, peeling it off his shoulder.
“Go to sleep, Y/N.”
===
The next morning you weren’t surprised to have woken up and found that Mark wasn’t next to you, and you hated the looks of confusion Donghyuck was giving you as to why you weren’t talking to Mark that morning. Making your way downstairs with Jaemin to have breakfast, you chose not to bother Mark more since he obviously seemed annoyed with you for some reason.
“Are you feeling better?....you know, after yesterday?” Jaemin asked, concern laced in his tone.
You shrugged, “If I were being honest....I feel even worse. I thought it would be okay, you know, after it got brought up during the debrief but..” you shrugged, trailing off as you collected your breakfast from the servers, waiting for Jaemin to collect his drink. “But I don’t know, Mark said something to me last night and he sounded pretty annoyed at me and it just made me feel...like shit I guess,” you shrugged again.
Leading you to the table where Donghyuck and Chenle were sat at, you’d joined them for breakfast, Jaemin successfully cheering you up after you’d seen Mark come into the canteen and leave with Renjun shortly after, not even remembering to take his breakfast with him, yet something in you knew you couldn’t exactly tell him to eat his breakfast now.
“Dude what’s wrong with you? I thought you would’ve worked things out with her by now?” Renjun waved his hands frantically in front of a zoned-out Mark’s face.
“Huh?”
“Why, are you, so awkward, with her?” Renjun said slowly, pausing between the sentence to break down each word for Mark with a sarcastic tone.
Mark made a disgruntled sound in response. “I just need to calm down first, okay? Everytime I see her I just think of what happened and why she didn’t wanna tell me. If I confronted her about it now what would I even say?” Mark frowned, “oh yeah I’m in love with you lol haha ttyl? It’s not that simple, Renjun.”
Renjun’s mouth dropped open, poorly stifling his laugh at whatever you could call what Mark just did.
“Mark... you know I love you but...but if she still loves you after that kind of confession, that’s how you know it’s real love.”
Mark whined, “shut up, Renjun.”
“Where is she anyway?” Mark did his best to sound nonchalant but it was hard to act nonchalant when you seemed to be completely fine at your table playing games with the guys and being so close to Jaemin, and no, Mark didn’t care if the game required you to cross hands with the person next to you because to Mark any contact with Jaemin was just automatically deemed unnecessary.
Mark saw you jump away from Jaemin and look and his direction, not even realizing why until Renjun took the megaphone out of his hand.
“What are you doing!” Renjun clicked a button on the megaphone to stop the siren, talking into it, “sorry guys false alarm.”
Shoving the megaphone back into Mark’s chest, a muffled grunt sounding from Mark, Renjun shook his head in disappoinment, “times like this I really need to remind myself why I’m your friend.”
===
Later on in that day, the committee had separated everyone into different groups to carry out the clean-up for the respective areas, and your assigned area was the carpark, which meant you were busy lugging around heavy buckets of water around the carpark in an attempt to clean it without slipping on the water and falling.
Your pants were rolled up to your knees and you were struggling to carry up a bucket to the second floor of the basement with Chenle because the more he laughed the more the water tended to spill over to your side of the bucket. Once you had set the bucket down, you thought you could finally take a break but you heard Jeno calling you over to where he was.
“Y/N, can you please go to the canteen to help shift the stuff upstairs?”
You hesitated, since your feet and slippers were already so wet, shifting the things upstairs in your condition now was just going to be a pain in the ass that you didn’t really want to deal with right now.
“Please, please please, I’m really busy right now, I’ll buy you a drink when we’re done or something,” he clasped his hands in front of him in a begging action.
Your eyes widened in interest, “I get to decide what drink it is?”
“Yeah sure of course!” You grinned in response, running ( or trying your best to with your wet slippers ) up the stairs to the canteen, looking around to see who you were supposed to help until you saw Mark, the instinctive urge to pick flight instead of fight taking over you.
You decided there was no going back now since you did want that free drink after all, so you made your way over to where Mark was, seeing his eyes widen at the sight of you there instead of Jeno.
“What are you doing here? I called Jeno.”
“Oh, uh...he was busy with stuff so he told me to come up to help instead,” you told Mark, not missing the way he kept shifting his weight from foot to foot, bringing a hand up to grasp the back of his neck.
“Do you want me to leave? I can like call someone else to come here instead-”
“Yeah,” he breathed, your eyes widening in response. “Wait!, I mean, no! I mean, like- Jeno, no wait, you-” he stopped himself, taking a deep breath in and out, facing you with a serious expression.
“Don’t leave. Just help me shift this stuff upstairs.” He handed you two boxes stacked on top of each other. Not wanting to get in his way, you decided to turn to walk the other way up the stairs but you seemed to have turned too sharply, the smooth surface of the floor and the water on your slipper causing you to trip, landing roughly on the floor, boxes scattered elsewhere as the only thing you could focus on was the sharp pain that shot through your ankle.
Mark had immediately put down whatever he was holding, shocked sounds escaping him at an uncontrollable rate as he made his way to your side, asking you if you were okay, his eyes scanning your limbs rapidly to see if you had injured yourself.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, whatever’s in those boxes must be broken because of me-“
“Even now you’re still thinking of the boxes?” he gave you a displeased look.
“Huh?” you frowned.
“I mean, whatever was in the boxes was probably really important....”
He shot you a look, “so are you, you know....you’re like....” he looked away, “important...and stuff.”
You couldn’t help the laugh that threatened to bubble from your throat, “oh my God, please shut up and get me off the floor before you continue.”
“Are you hurt anywhere?” Mark asked, making you snort in reply.
“Yeah, my heart.”
“Huh?”
“My leg, Mark. My ankle really hurts,” you pointed at your ankle, letting him hobble you over to the nearest bench you could find, awkwardly trying to point your gaze elsewhere when he knelt down in front of you and took off your slipper, “oh my-Mark don’t, that’s gross! Please, my feet are wet!”
“Shut up, can you just-“ he shot you a look, “let me do this, I know what I’m doing. This happened to the basketball guys all the time.”
You nodded slowly, still trying to avoid looking at him in fear that you’d get even more shy than you were now.
“That was like a metaphor, you know, in case you didn’t get it.”
“Mark, I didn’t take literature,” you added pointedly, earning an eye roll from him, choosing to press particularly hard on your ankle at that point.
“Sorry if I...you know, annoyed you last night or something,” you muttered, finally making eye contact with him when he looked up at you with an unreadable expression.
“No, I sort of was being a dick to you last night... I was just kind of...stressed I guess,” he shrugged, continuing to massage at your feet.
“Look, Mark. You obviously know about everything that happened yesterday afternoon right?” he looked up to nod at you, “and you can say that you weren’t the least bit worried?”
He let out a scoff, “What? Of course I was worried! I was so pissed off-”
“Mark that’s precisely why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place! I knew that you had a lot going on and a lot that you needed to take care of, and worrying about me was the last thing I wanted to add to your list of things to do,” you told him, seeing his ears start to tint red.
“Yeah but how do you think it feels for the girl I like to leave me out of things like this?” he asked you, a challenging tone laced in his voice.
“Wait, you like me?” you asked.
Mark’s eyes widened, “shit, wait...that was not how I planned to tell you.”
He let go of your leg, standing up and taking a seat next to you, turning his body to face you. “Okay, rewind. Pretend I didn’t say that,” you nodded at him, trying your best to stifle your laugh but you could feel yourself grinning widely at him.
“I like....wait, do you have a thing with Jaemin?” He narrowed his eyes at you, using his index finger and middle finger to cross each other.
You burst out laughing at that, especially because Mark’s sincere pout made it even funnier, “no, of course not. Who even told you that?”
Mark let out an annoyed groan, “not important, anyway. As I was saying, I didn’t wanna tell you because I didn’t want to impose anything on you, not with the whole possible Jaemin situation anyway. Also because...you know.....secret boy stuff.”
“Secret boy stuff?” you quirked an eyebrow at him.
“I was scared, okay?” he glanced up nervously at you before looking down at his interlocked fingers and continuing, “I thought...it’d be weird for us to keep being friends if you didn’t feel the same way, and I didn’t want things to just end like that, you know?”
You nodded slowly, “I get it, you and your secret boy stuff,” you smiled, reaching out a hand to pat him on the head.
“I guess I only realized how much I actually...oh my god this is so embarrassing to say but...I only realized how much I liked you when I heard what those committee members said to you. And I just, kind of, felt really horrible because of how I was just over here acting like I was having the hardest time when you were too.”
“You weren’t acting, Mark.”
He contemplated mentioning to you how he sometimes pretended to be busy with work so you would give him attention but decided against it, lest you stopped doing that.
“Well, if it makes you feel any better…I like you too, you know,” you told him, enjoying the way his eyes widened, his gaze immediately flitting elsewhere from being too shy to keep your gaze.
This time it was Mark’s turn to laugh, shaking his head as a soft smile found its way onto his features, “we’re kind of stupid, aren’t we?”
You looked at him, not being able to resist smiling at the sight of him, “very,” you nodded your head.
===
The last day of the camp brought the usual, photo taking, bag packing, you and Jeno bringing the leftover snacks from the camp home for yourselves. Everything seemed as if it was just like any other camp, but Mark was insistent on finding every opportunity to remind you he was dating you now.
“Here, let me carry your bag,” he offered as you were walking down the stairs to the front entrance of your church, saying goodbye to the campers that walked past the both of you to leave.
“Mark, just put it on the floor we’re not even leaving yet.”
Donghyuck snickered at your comment, holding out his bag in front of Mark, “I’ll gladly let you carry mine.”
“You guys need a lift? My mom’s sending me home,” Chenle jogged over to you guys, earning murmurs of ‘no’s and ‘its okay’s except for the ‘yes please’ that Renjun squeaked out, practically wobbling under the weight of his duffel bag.
“My mom can send you back, unless you’re coming over to my place?” Mark told you, or more like asked you.
You hummed, “I don’t know, I kind of feel like going home and taking a good shower, maybe I’ll come over after that?”
Mark grinned, nodding in approval.
“You guys haven’t gotten enough of each other yet? I’ve seen enough of Jaemin to last me 5 years,” Renjun shot you and Mark a disgusted look.
You were caught off guard when Mark slung his hand over your shoulder, pulling you closer rather abruptly, squishing your face against him “never,” he said confidently.
Gagging sounds resounded around the group, Donghyuck letting out a pained groan, “I kind of miss when they weren’t aware of each other’s feelings now,” he cringed, earning a high five from Renjun.
“I think it’s kind of cute,” Chenle piped up, earning a handshake from Mark, “thanks for the support, man.”
Jaemin burst out laughing, “Chenle’s opinion doesn’t count he thinks everything is cute.”
You saw Mark’s mom’s car drive into the church, nudging Mark gently, “hey, your mom is here.”
After saying goodbye to the guys you got into the car, not missing the knowing look Mark’s mom was giving Mark but choosing not to say anything about it.
“Y/N’s coming over later, mom, so you can cook more for dinner.”
“uh-huh, alright,” she smiled. She’d already heard from Donghyuck about what happened that very morning when she met him in the church so she wasn’t surprised in the least, especially when she heard from Donghyuck about how Mark was so shy he had to stop to giggle first before asking if he could hold your hand.
You were home sooner than you’d wanted to be, stepping out of the car and bidding Mark and his mom goodbye with a ( too breathless-sounding ) “see you later” and once you were gone, Mark let out a big sigh, fanning his face as he made eye contact with his mom in the rear-view mirror.
“Finally, huh.”
“Well, you know...I like her.... and stuff.”
#mark lee#mark nct#mark lee au#mark lee fluff#nct fluff#nct angst#nct au#nct 127 scenarios#nct scenarios#mark lee scenarios#nct u scenarios#nct u fluff#nct u angst#mark lee angst#nct 127 fluff#nct 127 angst#nct127 scenarios#superm au#superm mark#super m scenarios#super m mark#super m fluff#super m angst#friends to lovers!mark#friends to lovers au#churchboymarkamiriteladies#this was so hard to tag#nct dream#nct dream scenarios#na jaemin
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From Eden
Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, snakes, secret identity, stalking
AO3 <<<Previous
Chapter 2
Michael spent the evening trawling through the sanctuary database to look for the girl. With no name to go off, she was quite difficult to find. He did eventually find her. Her name was Y/N. His hunch earlier was correct, she was a scientist that worked in the Eden system. One of the applicants selected in the guise of an internship at Kineros, but as far as you were concerned, you were at the right place at the wrong time. Michael noted that your ID picture hadn’t been updated since you had arrived all fresh faced, he knew from the fact that your hair had grown a lot more than the picture. He transferred all your information to his personal device; your role and shift timetable, your room number, even health records. Everything about you was in the palm of his hands. The records showed that you were not one of the candidates for the next round of the repopulation programme, another resident mustn’t have caught your eye; this was perfect. He never paid attention to where his food or amenities came from, he didn’t have to he was the king of the new world. All deliveries to the 9th floor were seen to by Ms. Mead. When asked, she told Michael that the girl was the one responsible for hand delivering his fruit every other day. ‘Maybe that’s why it tastes so sweet’, thought Michael to himself. Hoping to catch her on her shift, the next afternoon, Michael headed up to Eden. //// Your favourite shifts were those in the afternoon; there was no rush and you could work at your own pace today. The sun shone bright and warm, and it was quiet. Your hair was tied back with a silk scarf, a basket at your hip waiting to be filled with fresh apples. You reached up to pick the next one and screamed, dropping the basket. Something had slithered up your arm. A snake. There was a snake in Eden. This was not good. It indicated that there may be a breach of the biome walls, that it wasn’t sealed properly. This crack could tear down the system that had been so carefully crafted and maintained. You had to get to the manager; this problem needed to be sorted before the food supply was compromised. The snake had coiled itself around your wrist, squeezing enough to keep himself in place, not making any moves to harm you. It was juvenile black ball python. It definitely should not be in this part of the world. As far as you were aware no one had snakes as pets downstairs. You turned to pick up your basket, instead you were met with the sight of expensive leather shoes. You looked up. There stood a man you had never seen before. Smiling down at you. He wore black slacks and a billowy white shirt. “uhm, can I help you?” who was he? Maybe the radiation had gotten to you and you were seeing angels now. “don’t be afraid,” he replied. You grabbed your basket and stood, one of the apples rolling to his feet. He picked it up and bit into it, the crunch echoing through the biome, juice dripping down his chin. He held it out to you, an offering. “I’m fine thank you. I don’t take fruit from strangers.” “if only Eve had taken the same advice,” he mused. “Who are you? I’ve never seen you up here before,” you cut straight to it. “an inspector from the lower floors. Just making sure nothings being tampered with,” he answered. He took another bite of the apple, licking up any juices that surrounded his lips. You were mesmerised by the way his mouth moved. You were distracted enough to not notice the snake moving into one of your pockets. “Inspector? Jeff and Mutt usually come up here by themselves. Do they have a little errand boy now?” “errand boy? Do you speak to everyone who’s above you in rank like that?” You stared at him. “the only person that scares me in here is Ms. Mead. Even then she likes me, so.” “not even the king scares you?” “I can’t be scared of someone I’ve never met or seen,” you finished. He held his hand out for you to shake, you hesitated before shaking it; it was soft, unlike your rough hands from all the labour you did. “I’m Adam,” he introduced himself. “I don’t believe you, but, I’m Y/N.” “Always good to be cautious. I will be observing your work up here for a few shifts. However, it is to remain a secret, as it’s a secret inspection. Understood?” You nodded; you didn’t want to mess with him. “I have to get back to the manager, my shift is over now,” you pointed to the work exist. He smiled and waved you off, you speed walking to your next station; his eyes burning right through you. Two snakes had slithered into Eden that afternoon. //// “Dude! I told u. If im gonna make babies with anyone, she gotta be hot AND clever.” Michael could hear Jeff and Mutt before walking into their lab. The pair were looking for potential matches for their own reproduction needs, wanting to be on the next round of the repopulation programme. “What are the pair of you yapping about,” Michael snipped out. “Jeff’s being picky man. VS models aren’t good enough for his spawn,” he snorted out. “Dude the only person to fit that description is that hot grey scientist upstairs.” Michaels ears perked up; they couldn’t be talking about Y/N could they? “Who? Y/N? You’re right bro, she’s hot, funny and clever.” Jeff replied, between snorting lines. He was right Michael thought. He thought you looked like a doe in the forest while he was watching you from afar. So gentle with all the work that you did. The artificial sunlight making you glow. You had an intelligence and gentleness he hadn’t seen in five years; the people down here were far too shallow for any of those traits. Your humour had been refreshing, no one had the balls to talk to him like that anymore, not since his Hawthorne days. But what angered Michael was that he wasn’t the only one who could see it, everyone else could too. The fact that Jeff and Mutt had spoken to you before, that you were on a first name basis, infuriated him. You didn’t even know who he was. “err, you alright boss? You’re kinda glaring holes into us,” Mutt snapped him out of his daze. As Michael looked up, your profile was up on Jeff’s screen. With a subtle snap of his finger, he turned off the screen. “I suggest you stay away from greys when considering matches, I’m sure my father won’t be happy. However, I may offer up some of my harem girls, no need to keep them sitting around if nothing’s happening,” he said, tuning on his heel and walking out. As if satan cared who you fucked. //// Today had been a strange day to say the least. It wasn’t common to meet beautiful strangers around here, but here you were. All perimeters had been inspected, there was no sign of a breach anywhere. The snake had also gone missing, making you think you might have dreamed the last half of your shift. You settled for the evening in bed, surprisingly comfortable considering your rank. The greys were all abuzz this time of year, as it was ‘reproduction season’ as you called it. It was a chance for them to change ranks if they matched with someone above them. You didn’t care too much. No one had ever caught your eye enough. Yet you drifted of thinking about the blue-eyed stranger, dreaming of cherubic children. You didn’t notice the snake slither next to you, watching you sleep.
Next>>>
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(kind of depressing) psychological analysis of jack atlas --involving ramen.
So, if youve watched YGO 5Ds entirely (meaning the subbed version as the dub never finishes the ending season) you’d have picked up on Jack’s obsession with instant cup ramen, which would be fine for any character really but it seems out of character for the pompous, upper-class (wannabe), arrogant luxurious Jack Atlas aka THE KING.
But actually it reveals a lot about him, and actually is really depressing... There is a massive link between ramen and his lost childhood.
In season 1 we see NO sign of this obsession or even care for ramen. The only thing he obsesses over to any degree is a) duelling Yusei to claim King b) saving Carly from the Dark Signers or arguably c) trying to figure out his own character as a king (after beaten by Yusei)
But, in Season 2 where he is (arguably...) “redeemed” from villain to teammate/rival, he gains a bit of comedic flare with his obsession with the cheap ramen cups. (and expensive posh coffee). The coffee obsession suits him. But cheap instant ramen?
His obsession starts Episode 80, where Lazar/Yaeger steals Team 5Ds’ engine programme as well as a cup of ramen. Jack’s reaction is... comedic?

He’s more pissed at the fact his ramen was taken than the whole important, irreplaceable engine programme theft. Comedic. But his irritation at losing ramen continues in episodes 114-5, where again lazar/yager steals some ramen he wouldve bought and his reaction is...


He is in total fear of just not having ramen. In fact, he even hoards it - shown in episode 115 where he brings it out to give to lazar.

This is the episode that makes all this comedy turn dark and really depressing.




He reveals that the flavour of ramen reminds him of childhood at Martha’s, sharing it with Yusei, Crow, and the other orphans. This means that his obsession is like a psychological association to childhood, like sensory association, like how many people can recognise and get nostalgic over smells and tastes without even knowing why. Jack hoards and eats ramen defensively because he longs for childhood - whether its the relationship he had with friends or the carelessness of childhood, he misses it in comparison to adult life. I mean... who can blame him - theres a reason why so so so many conditions exist mentally that cause people to retract into childhood behaviours, like the whole AdultBaby lifestyle (wont get into it but the platonic side of it is a longing for childhood often lost) or where people continue hobbies such as certain toy collecting etc that they did as kids, OR that they longed to do as kids but just couldnt do for whatever reason/restriction.
he even wants recognition from Yusei for remembering that flavour/memory:

This is why he makes no mention of this in Season 1. Jack S1 was all about the present -no future nor past. He hated his past in Satellite w Yusei etc, openly wanting to ignore it, perhaps guilty for stealing Yusei’s card etc or overall hating that limited and depressive situation. (I have a headcanon Jack genuinely fell into a depression in Satellite and just acted to get out, but thats too deep for this current time lmao)
Because he didnt want ANY reminder of his past (hence hatred of Yusei, Crow, Kalin, and the entirety of Satellite, or “Satellite scum/trash” as he calls them in the dub), he doesnt want ramen.
But, S2, he is reformed and has his old friends back, and even martha has accepted him back. So, he realises the error of his ways, and reclines into his lost and mentally more stable childhood. Through ramen.
His childhood wasnt happier - satellite was at its worst, they were struggling, he had no freedom, in comparison to the S2 situation where he achieved duelling fame, has friends back, and satellite and Neo Domino are united (kinda)
BUT maybe he wants to go back and correct things? Or live a guilt-less and resent-less life again, not having done any wrong? I mean this is impossible to say, but clearly his ramen obsession, now being linked w childhood, means a longing to go back for some reason.
It’s clear he shows regret or sadness over childhood/lost childhood: the only time he cries in the show with tears are over memories from childhood with ramen;


His face is streaming with tears because of Lazar’s story about ramen and childhood which he related to. He is SO intensely emotional over ramen that it does come of as comedic, which is really strange for the rival character as serious/uptight as jack. I mean, could you imagine Kaiba ever acting like this over, idk, cereal? maybe one time he shared a bowl of cornflakes with mokuba and now he cries every morning eating his cereal because of those memories. idk.

this is 115 when Sherry cuts the pile of ramen boxes out of impatience, Jack is IN HORROR of his prized collection being attacked like this. its like she’s cutting up his childhood memories or something. I mean, it basically is, apparently.
...
His comment to Crow summarises all this, 114. He has just screamed at Lazar for stealing “his” ramen (it was the old lady’s but ok jack) Crow asks him to calm down


its right, he cant, no one can. Its something in his mind relating to his childhood, losing ramen or even being in a situation where his ramen might not be “his” safely, unsettles Jack. Ramen represents his childhood in some regard, and the anxiety of losing it causes him to become incredibly defensive and on edge.
-
im sorry for this random and kinda deep/depressing take on Jack. I know we should be thinking positive rn in the current global pandemic, but i just needed to get this analysis thing out there (more a rant actually) because it really struck me when S2 made jack have a weird “comedic” element about him, in his reformed state. It’s not so much comedic, but deep and suiting his character. His obsession over ramen is not just a gag to make him more like a good-guy now he is teammates with Crow and Yusei etc, but it develops his character and gives him reformation in a completely different sense -- it doesnt force his goodness out by just making him into a comedy-relief, but rather gives him emotional backing for his mistakes and wrongdoing in the previous season, and actusally makes it kind of depressing how he arrogantly tried to forget and destroy his past in Satellite with his friends.
gimme any thoughts you have on this, if you made it this far through the rant (i applaud and love you if you did!!)
i thought of all this because in the current global situation, most people are limited inside and getting depressing, sometimes its better to mentally retract and go back to better times when this whole thing wasnt going on, and for Jack that was childhood. Sorry for philosophical rant lol, at 1am in the morning for my part of the world~
here is funny pic to say sorry and lighten the mood~

(that chef has seen some dark things in his life... )
#jack atlas#yugioh 5ds#yugioh#deep#character rant#im really sorry lol#ramen#cupramenshipping#there is a reason that exists eeeeee#psychology#have a good night as i wont now
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Basic story descriptions
Our Demons - On the planet of Tairus, magic flows through the earth. The multiple humanoid races that inhabit this world learned to harness this power, to varying degrees of success, thousands of years ago. With magic at their disposal, humans created great empires, where here was little conflict between groups, since most things are easily achieved with a little magic and the favor of Tairus. Fae and demons have much closer connections to Tairus, and live in seclusion, the fae in the forests and the demons deep in the mountain ranges that dot the landscape of the great continent. While the 3 groups have lived in peace for milennia, in the past few decades there have been a growing number of radical humans who have decided that the demons are a blight on Tairus that must be cleansed, and have been tracking down and capturing demonbloods - humans of demonic descent. This story follows Sam, a young demonblooded earth mage who is trying to find her way in a world that is becoming less safe for her every day, while also dealing with her own, personal demons.
Not Quite Humans (title may change) - thousands of years in the future, Earth is uninhabitable to humans, the ice caps nearly gone and the sky filled with smog from factories and wildfires alike. Several hundred years before our story takes place, some clever people made a plan to bring the entirety of humanity to the stars. Billions of people already lived in terraspheres on the various planets of the Sol system, why not extend humanity's reach? So 5 ships were constructed, each the size of a city - Sol, Aurora, Orion, Minerva, and Sirius - that took what remaining humans there were left and loaded them onto these gargantuan vessels, and said goodbye to their home planet. Our story focuses on 2 girls from Minerva - Star, a genderqueer lesbian who lives in the lower sectors of the city ship, where those unfit to work were placed those hundreds of years ago and where now most people live in poverty, unable to find work in the upper sectors - she longs to escape some day, to move to the upper sectors where green things grow and no one has to worry about whether the government rations will come on time that month; and Fern, a savant-type engineer and programmer who was considered a danger to public safety as a child and hired by the government so they could keep an eye on her - she has everything she's ever needed, but when an attempt on her life kills her parents, her life spins out of control and she's sent to live in the lower sectors. Seeing the horrible conditions of the lower sectors, the two set out to try and change life in their city for the better.
American Warlocks (title will definitely change) - in a parallel world, the etherial and material worlds are a little closer. One side affect of this is that those in tune with the etherial world have magic, which flows through the universe in a great river of pure energy. Magically inclined humans ended up building their own cities, warded from harm and outside forces, with communities of up to ten thousand magic users scattered across the globe. Our story focuses on Ava, a girl from Minnesota who moves to America's magical town, roughly where Kansas City is in our world, to learn about magic at the magical institute that the town was built around. This story chronicles her experiences living with magic, pining for a girl for several years, and living as a stealth trans girl. (I am not transfeminine, feel free to call me out if i get something wrong on this one im always down to learn)
Human Enough for Me - in 2050, the world kinda went to shit. Climate change has caused raised sea levels, more intense weather, and the air is heavily polluted across the globe. On top of the ecological chaos, the US finally pissed off one person too many and may have started world war 3... Oops! And that all fucked up the global economy pretty good, especially when the most powerful countries around the globe had to abandon their largest cities because they were decimated by nuclear warheads. In 2052, a teen from Chicago and his best friends decided that since the big kids were too busy killing each other and trying to keep their oil companies in business, they'd have to try and correct the chaos themselves. They organized summits and drafted agreements, and things were going well... Until the US government caught wind and arrested them for "traitorous activity". Hop forward to 2134, and it turns out taking out the only group of people who had a positive impact on all of the warring wasn't a great idea. Because the fighting never stopped. A cybernetics company decided to clone the ringleader of the trio that managed to halt the initial war, a boy named Matt from NYC, with memories intact, so that hopefully they would have someone with the right mind to be able to see all angles of the problems plaguing the world. Problem is, the brain is tricky. Even in the 22nd century, they don't really fully understand it, and they haven't been able to make a fully sentient clone of Matt. That is, until attempt 72. They managed to make a fully sentient guy, except instead of the put together negotiator they were expecting, they got a cynical bastard who doesn't take kindly to being the property of this cybernetics company. He is an individual, and he's going to make sure everyone knows, even if at times he can't quite believe it himself. (Its also super gay)
Those are the big ones, I might add some of my smaller projects to this list later!
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role model
[bucky barnes x reader]
[warnings] - mostly wholesome, with a pinch of angst and very brief mentionings of car crashes and injections but nothing graphic
[summary] - you, bucky and the avengers visit hospitals to surprise the children there for a charitable cause. bucky hesitates to go, because of his metal arm and the past, until he realises how much he means to the children there.
[A/N] - ive never written a bucky fanfic in my life, so please be gentle lol im trying. uhhh I google translated the tiniest bit of russian so if it’s wrong, please correct me. but i had this idea and thought that maybe it would be a good story. as always, italics mean it’s a flashback or a past memory. :))
seeing the avengers, a group consisting of heavily skilled assassins, enhanced individuals and super soldiers, interacting so softly and gently around the children made your heart practically melt with joy. there was peter, who was technically a child and obviously bonded with the children with ease.
and to think these people could snap your neck if they wanted to.
today was the day that tony‘s charity programme was finally coming together, with the team visiting the first hospital in the many to come. in the past few years, the avengers have been gaining coverage over magazines, newspapers and even the news, which, naturally, made them very popular, especially amongst children.
you remember that time as clearly as the sky was that day, when you surprised bucky with a funko pop figure of him. you remember the silence that fell over the two of you, as you stared at him anxiously awaiting his reaction. you remember how his head lifted slowly, his long, brown locks brushed out of his face to reveal the face you loved smothering with kisses. you remember the look he gave you, almost silently asking, this is for me? before giving an encouraging nod. for a minute, you thought you’d upset him, because of how unresponsive he was, until he suddenly stood up and engulfed you in a crushing hug.
to be fair, it was a very comfortable hug.
moving on, you were the only person, apart from steve and sam, that bucky would ever open up to, and you were proud to say that you were the one who could reduce him into a love-struck, flustered mess; a feat that not even steve nor sam could accomplish. although, you did appreciate their attempts, specifically sam’s.
you grin to yourself, your mind wandering to the time you walked into your room in the compound, only to find sam laying on your bed with möljnir on his chest and bucky casually sharpening his knives.
“how you doin’?” you heard sam say nonchalantly, as if he didn’t have an ancient hammer on his chest, hindering his every move.
“what the hell happened?” you yelped, dropping your bag down, “all i did was go out and get some food.”
“sam tried braiding my hair like you do,” bucky said, a flicker of a smirk playing on his lips, “but i only let you touch my hair and he kept annoying me, so i got thor to put his hammer on him.”
“why can’t i give you pet names?” sam chided in.
“because you’re not (y/n).”
“so what? ive been here for an hour and a half,” sam groaned under the weight of the hammer.
“it’s been six minutes,” bucky said blankly.
“shut up.”
you couldn’t wait to see him with the children.
you felt like you could smile forever, watching nat pretend to fall over when a little girl, with tubes and drips inside her, pretended to punch her, or when steve and sam cheered with pride when the boy, who was recovering from his many surgeries, slid cap’s shield onto his arm. and you knew that whilst it made the children’s day, it made the team’s day as well.
and then you spotted him.
your boyfriend.
bucky.
he was in the corridor outside of the room, away from everyone else, with a hat tilted so that it covered his face. you had managed to pursuade him to wear a sleeveless jacket, with the intention to help him grow more confident with his metal arm in public, but he had his left arm stuffed inside the pocket of the jacket, the other hand flicking at his nails. you sighed, smile faltering only a little, as you apologised to the girl you were talking to, and made your way towards him.
“what are you doing? why aren’t you with the others?” you asked softly, gently lifting his head and tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. almost immediately after, he shook his head, and the piece of hair went back to its original spot, in front of his face. you shot him a stern look.
“bucky.”
no response. you closed your eyes and exhaled out quietly. you learnt a long time ago that you had to be patient with him.
“bucky, please, talk to me.”
you stood in silence, both of your heads down, and after a long pause, he spoke.
“i don’t deserve to be here.”
“bucky-“
“i don’t deserve to be treated as a hero.”
your head shot up immediately, lips parted to speak, but he dismissed you, his hand held up to silence you.
“don’t start with how i’ve changed,” bucky said dully. he paused before he buried his face in his hands, “Блядь-“
“language. there are children here.”
“…i can’t even get a control over my own mind yet. anytime i hear something that barely even resembles the trigger words, i suddenly feel an urge to do something… evil. its like a part of myself is disappearing bit by bit. and i’m scared that if i don’t learn how to control myself, then one day, ill lose every piece of me and ill end up hurting all of you.”
his voice cracks near the end of his sentence, eyes widening at the sound. the two of you are completely still, with you frozen in complete shock. he had never been this vulnerable and open even with you, often keeping his feelings to himself, but today must’ve been his breaking point. he hastily wiped his eyes, swallowing harshly and turning his head away from you.
that still didn’t hide the tears.
“why do you love me?”
“bucky, I swear to god, listen to me right now,” you gently, but firmly push his arms down so you could finally see his face, damp from the fresh tears, “i know this is difficult, but i know that you can do it. what you did wasn’t you. you were controlled. that isn’t the bucky i know. the bucky I know is smart, he’s strong and protective and caring and he’s occasionally an idiot-“ you both smile a little at that, “-but he’s my idiot and he’s also a hero, which is how the children here see you as. what you did in the past does not define who you truly are. you’re not going to lose yourself, because me and the others are here for you, and i want you to know that you’re safe. that you’re not with HYDRA anymore, that you’re with us, you’re part of the avengers, so you have every single fucking right to go into that room and make those children happy. because they see you as one of us, a cool-ass avenger, and they see you as a hero. okay?”
you were being honest when you surprised even yourself with that little rant, but it was worth it to see the smallest hint of a smile form on your boyfriends lips. you had to tip-toe to kiss him lightly on the lips (an attribute that bucky had brought up before and ended with him being tackled to the ground by you), as you both laugh a little, and bucky cups your face with his metal hand, murmuring quietly to you.
“what was that about our language?” he asked, looking down at you smugly.
“…shut up.”
his tough demeanour breaks instantly. he sighs contently.
“what did i do to deserve you?”
“everything,” you reply in a heartbeat, “you deserve every part of me.”
with his hand still on your chin, you both lean forward to kiss, eyes fluttering shut as you do so. your lips brush softly against each other, when you both feel a tug on bucky’s jacket.
stunned, you both look down to see a little boy, fiddling timidly with his fingers. you and bucky’s eyes graze lower down to his height to see that he has a prosthetic arm.
“go on,” the nurse says reassuringly, “ask him.”
bucky immediately looks to you, panic flaring in his eyes, but you give him a look that quickly calms him down. although your intimate moment was ruined, it opened up an opportunity for him. he hesitated a little before squatting down so he was the same height as the boy, who looked behind him to the nurse; she eagerly nodded her head.
“c-can I touch your arm?” he asks shyly, pointing to bucky’s left, “it’s really cool and my friend said it’s not real, so i wanted to prove her wrong!”
you and bucky laugh, and he gives you a look that silently thanks you.
“go ahead, it’s real,” he says smiling, extending the arm out to the little boy, who’s giddy with excitement. his little fingers brush over the vibranium, eyes lighting up and face splitting into a wide grin.
“c-can you move it?” he asks in a hushed whisper, and bucky complies, flexing his fingers, as the boy watches the metal plates running up his arm move corresponding his actions.
“hannah!” the boy yells into the room, “i told you it’s real! look! i touched it! it moves and everything!”
he turns to bucky.
“can my friend touch it too?”
“sure thing.”
and before you both know it, he’s being dragged into the room by the boy, and you follow them, with the nurse by your side. by the time you arrive by the boy’s bedside, a small crowd of children, all with some sort of prosthetic limbs, surround bucky fascinated.
“this is my friend, bucky,” the boy says proudly, “and his arm is real and i know that because i touched it! we’re practically twins now.”
an excited gasp ripples through the small crowd and suddenly the children send him streams of questions.
“is that your girlfriend?” a boy asks, pointing suddenly to you. bucky grins.
“yep. she’s pretty great.”
“that’s all i get?” you teased, raising an eyebrow, “pretty great?”
“yes.”
“do you love her?”
“of course.”
“have you kissed?”
bucky pauses, but before he could say anything, the boy from earlier answers for him.
“yes they have! i caught them almost kissing when i went to ask if i could touch his arm!”
an echo of “ew!”s reverberate around the room, accompanied by the children laughing. you bury your face in your hands in amusement and embarssment, and you feel bucky rub your back sympathetically.
“does that mean you have cooties?”
“…yes?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
the two of you spend the next hour with the children, answering their questions and giving them small gifts like little action figures of yourselves. you melt at the sight of bucky - his face was the youngest and happiest you’ve ever seen him. there was no line of stress on his face, but instead a smile, and a glimmer of hope in his eyes. it’s obvious he likes the children. around them, he was as carefree as he could be, even going as far as letting them draw on his arm and putting magnets on it. your boyfriend is an actual child at heart. and you love him for that.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
“how did you lose your arm?” the boy from earlier, who you later learned was called freddie, asked bucky. the two of them were happily colouring away, as you watched in the background smiling. bucky paused, choosing his words carefully.
“i fell off a really tall bridge from a train…”
freddie gasped dramatically.
“and… i used my left arm to break my fall. it broke, but the doctors gave me a new metal arm. cool right?”
“yeah! that happened to me too,” freddie explained, using elaborate hand gestures as he told the story, “except i didn’t fall. i was in the car with my mum when some lorry crashed into us and suddenly there was fire everywhere! i woke up in a hospital and the doctor said that they had to get rid of my old arm because of some infection or something. i don’t know what it is, but i know it’s some complicated stuff.”
“so then what happened?” bucky asked, a flicker of sadness in his eyes, sighing as he went back to his colouring.
“the doctor was like don’t worry we have a cool new arm for you! just like yours!” he pointed to bucky’s arm and grinned, “but he said I had to have surgery so they could attach it to me. it was scary, but i promise i cried only a little bit, even when they gave me an injection! i promise! you believe me right?”
“of course. you’re one of the bravest people I know.”
the little boy beamed brightly up at him.
“and then when I woke up, i had the cool new arm! the doctor said i can go home soon!”
“really?” bucky said, genuine joy on his face, “that’s great!”
“i know right? i wanna be like you when im older and beat up bad guys with my cool new arm.”
“you do?”
“yeah. you’re my favourite out of alllll the avengers. but don’t tell the falcon that, okay? because i told him the same thing so i didn’t hurt his feelings.”
“i won’t,” bucky laughed, as the two continued colouring. he grinned to himself.
he was going to give sam so much shit for that later.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
when you and him met up with the other avengers in the lobby when your time there was done, they all turned to look at the pair of you.
“what are those on your arm?” natasha asked, amused as he pointed to bucky.
“magnets.”
“oh my god,” sam said, “this should be good.”
he held bucky’s arm, twisting it to get a good look around it, admiring all the drawings of the avengers the children had done.
he paused.
“where am i?!” he whined, the team erupting into laughter, as he did a circled around the arm to fo a double take.
“don’t worry sam,” tony chuckled, as the doors of the hospital opened and they all exited, “we love you really.”
“yeah, yeah, you all totally show it,” he grumbled, his face cracking into a smile when tony shook his shoulder playfully.
you walked alongside bucky silently, your arm hooked around his, though it wasn’t uncomfortable. you were proud of him for today. you had never seen him smile so much before.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
that was a lie.
a week later, you found bucky in your room, smiling as he stared at something in his hand. when you asked him to show you, you felt your heart leap.
it was a picture of freddie, at home from the hospital, posing next to his little bucky action figure. and on the back was a little note from the boy.
“i‘m gonna be just like you!”
#marvel#endgame#infinity war#bucky barnes#winter soldier#bucky#bucky x reader#bucky fanfic#captain america#falcon#sam wilson#steve rogers#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#marvel fanfic
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What if your family doesnt take you serious, even though youve had a few episodes infront of them? My dad is insisting that Im just sensitive to ghosts and I should talk to them, but the things I deal with dont look or sound like ghosts. I try to explain and show him art of what they look like and how im scared, but he thinks im being dramatic, Im afraid of starting to believe him. I always tell my friends these things but im scared of them being afraid of me, even though they always support me
I’m really sorry your family isn’t as supportive as they should be, and instead are only making you feel worse about it and invalidating your struggles. This doesn’t mean that they don’t have the best intentions doing so, but sadly good intentions don’t change the damage these things can do.
I know this doesn’t actually help your situation but I just want to let you know that you’re not alone in this experience, especially within the psychosis spec community. It’s sadly a surprisingly common occurrence where non-psychotics try to turn our symptoms into something they’re not, by for example trying to make them into a spiritual or religious thing.
I’m really glad that thus far it hasn’t had too bad repercussions on your delusional thinking though from what you’ve said (correct me if I’m wrong), because in some instances people pushing that type of ideology on you can have really bad, and sometimes dangerous effects on your psychotic symptoms, especially at times where you’re already having trouble keeping in touch with reality. Taking all that in account, I completely understand why you’re afraid of starting to believe this ideology. Therefore I also quickly want to tell you that it’s really great you’re still trying to actively keep on seeing these things as symptoms rather than giving in to theories like that, and to instead still keep striving to get help for them! I’m really genuinely proud of you for that, because that can really be awfully difficult.
On that note though, I think that for now it might be best to pause trying to make your parents understand your symptoms as it’s only being met with ignorance thus far, and that doesn’t seem to help your situation in the slightest. So while it could definitely still be a future project, it might be best to direct the focus off of that and to try your best to keep in mind that you do not need them to fully understand your symptoms in order to reach out and receive help.
I don’t know if you’re over 18 or not, but if you, are the best thing to do might be to seek out professional help on your own. Even if your parents aren’t entirely supportive or understanding towards it (if that’s safe to do of course). But if not, a good option might be trying to explain to your parents that you want to access professional help without actively making them understand the specifics of why, and just that you feel it’d benefit you. If you feel explaining it like that doesn’t convince them though, it might potentially be an option to use their theories in your explanation. You could potentially do this by phrasing it like you feel accessing therapy would help you cope with their reasoning for your symptoms. Another option might be trying to access professional help through counsellors of sorts from a school setting if you’re currently going to school, or otherwise through organisations, programmes or community centres in your area. It might also be an additional option to contact your local social services to see if they can provide any help in it.
Then once you’re in the process of receiving professional help, it could definitely become an option to have your doctor try and get your parents to understand that these are in fact symptoms you’re experiencing, rather than hearing it from you. Sadly it’s more often than not the case that people who believe these kinds of ideologies will be quicker to believe an authority figure or generally more “intimidating” professionals than the person actually experiencing it.
After that, once they do feel they want to learn about it and intend to help you you could work out some tips/guidelines on how to (and how not to) actually do so with your doctor.
If it ends up being the case where that’s not an option (yet) or if they still don’t understand it then, please try and keep in mind that your parents understanding your symptoms or supporting your need for help with them and through that being an active part in this area of your life isn’t a requirement for still having a good relationship with them and having a good support system with the help you need. There’s plenty of cases where mentally and physically ill individuals leave that area of their life more superficial towards their family as it simply doesn’t benefit them (or would even have adverse effects) to have a deeper relationship with them on it due to the family’s ignorance or ableism etc while still being close to their family with things not relating their mental or physical illness and that’s perfectly fine too.
I also completely understand your worries towards your friends, but honestly it seems like that with how supportive you say they’ve already been, there’s not a whole lot to actively worry about regarding bigger changes in their attitude towards you. So for that bit, my biggest suggestion is trying to communicate these fears/worries with them, and to potentially show them some info on why there’s no need to be afraid of you just because you experience psychotic symptoms.
I should also add though, while I don’t think it’ll actually happen, that if any of your friends do end up having that type of attitude towards you even if you explain to them why it’s not an attitude they need to have, that they wouldn’t end up being good friends to begin with and in that case you deserve some much more understanding and caring friends.
I really hope any of this can be of help to you but if you have any further questions please don’t hesitate to ask! ♡
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Hello !! I saw that u were doing education and i was just wondering what made u want to go into it ? I’m planning on doing a masters in education at the secondary level and ): i’m afraid i won’t be a good enough mentor for the kids etc. Do u have any tips abt studying education and what to expect ? Sorry if u’re busy u don’t have to answer this !! thank u and i love ur tumblr <3
hello!! sorry for the late reply, i wanted to give a really thorough reply so i put it off till now :B
1. why did i do it?
tbh i never saw myself as “going into education”, i personally see tesol as a separate thing to education as a whole (altho u could say tesol is a part of education or wtv but i dunno…feels wrong to say “im in education” bc i should be more invested in this if i want to say i am) but a lot of what i say comes from my experience in tesol so its gonna be very tesol-centric but i’ll try to be general where i can…but i went into tesol bc i volunteered for a programme one of my lecturers started up at uni, where linguistics students could volunteer to teach english to refugees living in the uk and i really liked seeing them improve, bc they really needed/wanted to get better at english…..so i did a teaching certification just before i graduated in the hopes i could do something similar in the future…….i guess cos if i was gonna get a job, i’d rather be helping people than helping a company make tons of money (altho i’ll get into this bit later)
after my first week at my current job, i googled ‘am i a bad teacher’ and ‘how to know if u r a bad teacher’ and u know what….i struggle to believe this myself but im going to reiterate to you….if u r worried about not being good enough, then u r probably NOT a bad mentor!!! it makes sense cause if u think u r already good enough, then u prob wont listen to advice/feedback and attribute problems to ur students/environment/etc. but i think this worry can help you if u use it to take feedback and become a better mentor! BUT also…i think u gotta know when to draw the line between good feedback and unfair criticism…….so have some confidence in yourself! i try to tell myself that i can only try my best, and act on feedback bc at the end of the day, we are all human. i dont know why we need to show people that as mentors/educators/teachers we are perfect infallible beings, we’ll make mistakes but as long as we admit to those and learn from them then i think its ok (dunno abt you but the teachers i got along with the least when i was at school were the ones who never listened to what i had to say and always thought they were rite)…the perfect teacher is a Myth
2. as for tips for studying education…for me wrt tesol, i found that u can be a fanatic for theory but crumble in the classroom…but its also good to at least have basic knowledge of it. but dont expect to be completely prepared for what happens in the classroom just by reading a book. also, u are ur own greatest repository (?) im assuming u urself have been in the education system for some time (pls correct me if im wrong), and i think those experiences can help!! they’ve helped me at least bc i always think abt the techniques my teachers used and try to use those in the classroom…yeah i dont really hv any good studying tips bc im not the greatest student haha im just coasting thru my postgrad cert bc my lecturers at this university are not that great at actually teaching imo (how ironic…maybe its just me) also!!!! a lot of stuff, u will learn when u actually teach!!! i wouldnt worry too much about the masters, there will be useful stuff to learn for sure, but u wont know until u actually get out there in an actual classroom.
ALSO!!! this is a tesol thing but i think it might apply to education as well, but the money. the money. personally i would hv rather chosen a job focused on helping ppl as opposed to helping a company make profit but tesol is a Business. TESOL IS A BUSINESS (u can try to be the best teacher u wanna be ie. care abt a students overall holistic development blah blah but if they wanna just pass the ielts.....u give them that)! just had a recent wake-up call recently abt this but i also rmb in 2nd or 3rd yr of undergrad really thinking abt the effect tesol has on ppl and its been downhill for me since then……im still in tesol but i find myself thinking these days that its not going to be for the long term
sorry if all this was completely irrelevant n what u didnt want to hear/read…some pretty ugly things ive put there and poorly explained thoughts but atm thats all im capable of…….but i would love to talk to u more off anon if u wanna discuss anything else! i hope u see this and are doing well ✨
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i know that currently cprimeboys posting is forbidden and such however! i want to get this idea down, and context is important. but if one wishes to avoid it because it also is like. funky fucked up. there is a cut. cws for gaslighting, physical and emotional abuse, programming in a trauma sense, allusions to irl abuse situations
do you know like, machine learning? how you get an AI to observe and participate in something until it can algorithymically pick up on things? (in theroy)
that’s this AU, it’s like. exile but cdream has got ctommy to a point where he can be convinced that he’s just an AI and cdream is the master programmer whos gonna make him fit the circuit, however, how he fits in the circuit is extremely unclear and thats because its abuse right? your abuser is unpredictable and thats one part of the awful
so things like remembering and talking about the past is Forbidden Behaviour (tm), behaviour that could come off as traumatised or neurodivergent is Forbidden Behaviour, reacting “wrong” (read: you literally cannot win) is Forbidden Behaviour, being messy, speaking too loudly, not speaking enough, wanting things, whining or “physically whining” (something like shivering, coughing or bleeding), being too emotional, not being emotional enough, not reacting fast enough, not being able to fall asleep, inability to remain silent, not making enough noise, daydreaming, being too robotic, being too human
thats to say that ctommy cant win and he’s forced to live in these monotonous repetitive situations where he has to do the same things over and over and over and if he breaks a rule and “deviates from the code” he gets killed, and then immediately revived to do it again. these situations also are impossible, some are physically impossible like moving things that are bolted to the ground or emotionally impossible without breaking a rule
alongside this, he’s taught that everything really is like. its like a bug in his memory, oh no, tubbo? oh you mean that bug in your code i had to remove? and due to the ability to warp memories with the whole die revive process tommy believes it. all of his positive memories turn into like, oh that was a delusion back when i was glitching and ruining the program. good thing now im being corrected, if i can just learn how to be perfect and fit into this world correctly...
i want maybe maybe maybe if i was to work with another two chaeacters- which i might! i just dont have any in fandom that have such a resonant depiction of abuse at the moment and i really dont want to make some. if i was to work with other characters, emotional abuse would get a far bigger note as. the punishment because i just. idk the only storys you see about this stuff is like “oh he lit him on fire!!” so its really clear it was abuse but i think that really misrepresents a lot of abuse while that definitely does exist, i would like just one with “oh he called him a bitch and said that he’s useless and threw his art on the floor” even if not specificlaly here
other screwed up things: -either he gets trained to go into a dissciative state for long periods and it adds to the whole “piece of code that can be activated and deactivated by me” and here is where anything is cleaned so he can be gaslit better OR he’s forced to always be moving and always be doing work so theres no break, maybe both. -he’s kept perpetually understimulated like even if not nd then just in general loss of interaction, touch staravation, the world around him is grey, all the food is lukewarm and made to only stimulate eating while he’s given just below the vitamins and nutrients to survive -whenever he seems to breakdown breakdown cdream is all there, suddenly he’s so close and so loving and he’s just doing his best and you’re breaking his heart and your touch starvation would do anything for a hug from anyone who says they love you, no he never did that, no he never would, honeslty thouse are some pretty fucked up lies tot tell about someone who loves you- you get the idea -tommy is never starving completely (but he could starve himself if he thought it would made dream happy and dream will just watch) and never completely lacking in sleep and he always gets revivied immediately so its the whole uhhh “starving children in a third world country that i wont specify because like who cares this is such an awful adage to start with let alone dragging down some random people” mindset -everyone thinks hes dead like you can have this be a one shot or a whole “help tommy out” fic but you know to be personal with you friends readers and besties those always made me feel... frustrated so idk.
in the case of giving tommy a happier ending, idk what i would do. dont have ti be deliberate. have like. dream goes missing eventually tommy has to stumblr into town where an old face tries to reconnect but realise it wont work. let him stay at thier house. let him get treated kindly. and i hope that he, without siblings to worry about, without a foster care system or an interconnected system to lose- i hope tommy, with only this trauma to anxchor him to dream, would leave.
dont have a “save tommy” plot those piss me off. if you write this i know no one will i might.
idk enjoy
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Do you know of ways to color gifs without using photoshop?
I found this guide here that teach you how to color gifs with a different (free) programme called GIMP. (correct me if im wrong ) if this isn’t anything that works for you feel free to message me and i’ll search for a better option for you
Edit: @dear-indies said you can also use a website called photopea!
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