#could maybe go for the other vitamin d idk

[milliesfishes]

Hi Millie 😊 Hope you're doing okay 😊

I'm sure you have lots of things to write so it's okay if you're not interested in this, but if you want to I would love to read your thoughts on timetraveler!reader and Billy?

Like, she's from our era but accidentally travels to the past. I think he would be so amazed and amused by her at the same time, observing her behaviour and realising she's so different but in a fascinating way... idk I would love to read your thoughts on it or whatever you decide to write related to this idea, but only if you want to 😊❤

⋆౨ৎ𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮-𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓵 𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂'𝓼 𝓮𝓻𝓪⋆౨ৎ 𝓯𝓮𝓶 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝔁 𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓴𝓲𝓭

It had been a day as ordinary as any other.

You were relaxing in the clean expanse of a field near where you lived, soaking up the sunshine beaming down upon the earth that created shadows you laid just at the edges of. The day was new, and you were determined to get some Vitamin D in before the air became sticky with heat.

Lying flat against the cool grass with your eyes closed, feeling yourself warm as the rays kissed your skin. It was simple pleasures like these that propelled you through the week's mundane tasks. You were a daydreamer by nature, and sometimes you thought that if you weren't, the banalities of life would have turned your spirit grey by now.

Endless fantasies filled your head now as you basked in the fingers of sunlight, their romantic nature making you glad you were secret. It was a shameful thing to you- the things you wanted in terms of love. In this day and age, women were supposed to secretly want things, supposed to meet men who teased the notion out of them and thrust them into a supernova storybook love. It confused you to your core, and so you avoided it outright.

Romanticism was your friend in everyday life. You had no one person to give love to, and so you found it everywhere you went, from the way you dressed to the books you read. And lying stretched out in a meadow a ten-minute walk from home, kissed by wildflowers, you felt the earth was loving you in return.

You'd discarded your top, bra the only thing covering your upper half. The little shorts you wore were cotton and clean, comfortable for a day of leisure. Here you were safe from the prying eyes of single-minded men, free from the demands of being a young person in this world. This is where you were at your happiest.

The heat slunk over you like an embrace, and you felt the siren song of sleep overcome you. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to slip into such a vulnerable state when you were alone like this, but it had been such a long week, and you were wholly exhausted.

Humming to yourself, you folded your arms under your head. Though the threat of a sunburn loomed, you didn't move, feeling the shade of a nearby tree begin to cover your legs like a blanket. As the sun continued its charted course, you'd be fully covered by the shadow when you woke up. Your shirt, a cute white thing with tiny bows at the base of lace edged thin straps, was bunched between your fingers, nearly a comfort object as the callings of sleep drifted over you.

There was a rustling nearby. Your eyes flew open, head turning frantically as you searched for the source. This area was secluded, you were sure of it. After all, this wasn't the first time you'd come out here to relax, at one with nature.

The crackly noise stopped for a moment, but before you could breathe a sigh of relief, it started up again, and then the head of a horse appeared from the bushes. Perplexed, you tilted your head, eyes going full as the moon when the rest of the creature appeared, a man sitting atop it.

You were stunned by the sight of him. Though a hat was perched on his head jauntily, his dark hair peeked out of it, curling at his neck. His clothes were awfully strange, a long-sleeved blue shirt with suspenders pulled up over his shoulders. When you saw the belt around his waist, gun sheathed in it, you froze, heart pounding in your ears.

Mind scurrying like a squirrel, your eyes darted from side to side, trying to grasp for a way to get out of here. The stranger's intentions were unknown, and it frightened you. Did he come up here to kidnap defenseless young women who sunbathed all by themselves? You never brought your phone up here since there was no service anyways, and right now you cursed the habit. At least if you ran down the hill you'd have hope of calling for help.

In your muddled tangle of worries, you hadn't noticed the man ride closer, and your body gave an involuntary jolt when he called out to you. "You alright miss?"

You were hardly able to tear your eyes away from him as he came closer. Now you could see him more clearly, see how handsome he was. Brows dark, drawn up in what appeared to be concern, hat shading his eyes, but you could see clearly the piercing blue of them. They seemed to reach inside your soul and grasp something in them, wholly disarming you before you remembered your fear. Lots of serial killers are good-looking.

He crouched before you, eyes roving over your figure and seeming to catch at your midsection, before they hastily skirted to the side. You were suddenly aware of your state of undress, hands holding your top flying to your chest and covering it. "I'm alright."

"Are...are ya sure?" Now he was looking into your eyes, and right then you had the oddest feeling that he wasn't going to hurt you. Softening before you could question it, you nodded.

"I come out here all the time...really, I'm okay," you assured him, offering a little smile. It was a challenge to tear your eyes away from his face, and you found you didn't want to. There was something magnetic about this man that filled something in you like a missing puzzle piece, now slid into its place.

"Where's your horse? I can escortcha back to town if you want," the man offered, his wrist adjusting where he was bent on one knee. "Ain't safe for a woman to be out here by her lonesome."

Your brow furrowed at the comment. He was talking like everybody had a horse. "I walked here."

Now it was his turn to frown. "Must've been quite a journey. Nearest town ain't for miles."

"No, I live-" you cut yourself off. Something wasn't right. Looking at the man, the way he dressed and spoke, then to his horse, equipped with a saddle and bags, and then to the gun at his hip, carried so casually, something seemed to dawn on you, the sun rising on a new mindset. It was impossible. Truly impossible. But the thought probed the corner of your mind, imagination run wild.

Taking in a shaky breath, you stared at him, the inconceivable notion invading your mind like an army. He was your only lifeline now if it was true. Seeming to notice the change, the man's lips parted. "You okay? Looks like you saw a ghost."

"What year is it?" The words burst forth from your lips like water from a crack in a dam, panic washing over you for an entirely different reason.

"Eighteen seventy-eight."

Your heart stopped, frozen as ice as the information hit you. A look of horror crossed your face before you could stop it, and you nearly dropped your shirt as your body grew taut with worry. It was pointless to wonder how this had happened- your mind couldn't even comprehend the science behind it.

But what were you going to do now? You had no money, no family, no friends. For the first time in your life you were truly, utterly helpless and there was nothing to do about it.

A warm hand found a place on your shoulder, and you looked back up at him, feeling tears sting the corners of your eyes. He wouldn't believe you if you told him. Nobody from your time would believe you if you told them.

Your distress must have been palpable, because the man's lips pulled down, a troubled spark in his eye. Oh how kind his eyes were. It was a look you weren't at all used to seeing in men. His roughened thumb smoothed over your skin. "You were robbed, weren'tcha? Took your horse 'n everything?"

Lips parting slightly, you saw a lifeline. Here he had provided you with an out. Slowly nodding, you whispered, "Yes." The lie was bitter on your tongue, but you didn't have a choice. If you spoke of unwilling time-travel who knew what he'd do? Would he leave you here, sure too much sun had inspired your ravings? Or drop you off at the nearest asylum? You didn't want either to happen, and he was the only soul around here for miles, likely, and a kind one at that. "I don't have anything."

"Lemme help you out." He stood, offering you a hand. "I can take you into town, we'll getcha situated...it'll be okay. You got any family round these parts?"

"Not anymore." At least that wasn't a lie.

"Hm." His lips bunched to the side as he thought. "Well...that's alright. We'll figure somethin' out. You're gonna be okay."

He re-extended his hand, and you hesitantly put yours in his, getting to your feet. Remembering your state of dress, you quickly turned to the side, pulling your top over your head and pushing your hair backwards. It wasn't much in the way of dress, especially for this time, you gathered. But it was something.

His eyes seemed to linger on you, but it wasn't in a way that had you shrinking back. You took his outstretched hand again, the warmth of his palm a comforting thing as he led you over to his horse. Shyly, you looked up at your rescuer. "What's your name?"

"William H. Bonney, ma'am." He stopped briefly, tipping his hat at you in a way that spread a smile across your cheeks. "Billy."

"Billy." You tried it out and found it suited him.

He almost seemed amused. "What's yours?" When you told him, he nodded. "Pretty."

A tiny blush colored your cheeks, and you looked at your feet. The sandals you wore probably weren't great for horseback riding, but they were better than going barefoot. At the saddle, he held out a hand to help you up, but you were already hoisting a foot over, swinging the opposite leg to sit on the other side. A surprised smile crossed him, and he quickly did the same. Now your back was snug against his broad chest, and you bit your cheek at the feeling.

"Hope you don't mind we're ridin' like this," he commented, grasping the reins in front of you with one hand, securing the other around your waist. "It'll be faster 'n walkin'. Figured you've been out here long enough."

"It's okay," you managed, ignoring the flutter in your heart at the placement of his hand. It was obvious he was trying to be a gentleman, but still trying to keep you steady on the horse, which you found gentlemanly in its own way.

You had no sense of how long the ride was because of how lost you were in Billy's touch. He grasped your waist, careful not to touch any of your skin that was uncovered. You were fascinated by all that surrounded you, by the same world you resided in, ripened by another time. It was more lush, fuller. This was the way you'd seen the world in your head before, now come to life.

Once you got to town, your fascination doubled. All the women were in long dresses, the men in similar dress to Billy, though his remained slightly different. You were suddenly self-conscious of your clothes. They were certainly attracting strange looks, and you slid your arms around yourself.

Noticing this, Billy patted your side. "I'll find ya somethin', don't worry. If they knew what you'd been through they'd understand." That caused another twinge of guilt deep in your being, but you shook it off. This is necessary to survive.

He helped you off the horse, carefully setting you on the ground. You closed in on yourself, eyes roving over the space, avoiding the gazes of passerby. It was funny. A while ago in your time you wouldn't have a problem being out and about in your current clothing. But the stipulations of the time had worn in on you within only minutes.

There was a shuffling behind you, and then Billy was pressing fabric into your hands, putting a careful hand on your shoulder. "Wear this for now. It's okay." His words comforted you, and when you looked up, there wasn't even a trace of judgement in his oceanic eyes. Your shoulders relaxed, and you realized he'd given you a man's shirt. One of his. It was more touching now than anything anybody had done for you. You certainly weren't used to men doing such things.

Sliding the fabric over your shoulders, you pushed your arms through the sleeves, feeling better about your coverage now. The shirt fell to your upper thighs, still not covering enough, but it was better than before by far.

He guided you into the shop with an arm around your shoulders, helping you through the doors. Calling out to the shopkeeper, Billy greeted her with a smile. "We need a dress. Hers has...gotten lost."

Eyeing you, the shopkeeper nodded, beckoning with a hand. "We have a few options already made here."

You flushed a little at the way she looked at you, aware that your appearance must be rather odd. Making sure to smile plentifully and be enthusiastic about her assistance, you selected a blue dress, wanting to make the process as quick as possible. She ushered you to the back to change into it, giving you proper undergarments and shoes as well. Kindly, she laced up the back of your half-stay and left, gifting you some privacy.

The buttons on the dress were thankfully situated in the front, and you were able to do them up in a timely manner, slipping your new shoes on as well. You were unsure to do with your old things and Billy's shirt, as you didn't know when or if at all you would be returning to your time.

The shopkeeper solved that when she gave you a canvas bag for your things, a brief smile crossing her face. You returned it, happy she'd warmed up.

Billy was waiting at the front, hands folded behind his back, eyes trained on the ground. When he heard your footsteps his head lifted, an expression of pleasant surprise crossing his face as he took you in. You demurely smoothed your skirts, tucking hair behind your ear. "Does it look alright?"

"Yeah," he breathed, a slow smile entering the planes of his face. Something in his eyes lightened, and he held out a hand for you. "You're...it's pretty."

Truly, you hadn't been one to blush so easily before meeting Billy, but now you seemed to redden with every look he gave you. It was a new thing, though not entirely unwelcome.

As he led you out of the store, your arm hand nestled in his arm, you felt brand new. Leaning up, you kissed Billy's cheek, the scratch of his stubble a pleasant sensation. "Thank you for the dress. That was lovely of you to do."

"'s no problem," he grinned, looking down at you. "A lady needs a dress, hm?"

"Oh!" you smiled brightly, leaning on him. Already you were growing comfortable. There was just such an easy way about Billy that made you feel safe. This was strange for you in a way. Never before had you met a man who'd given you such a sense.

Everything outside was bustling, a low hum of chatter filling the air like music. You found yourself turning your head excitedly, entranced by the life of it all.

When you turned your head to Billy, you discovered an expression of endearment on his face, as he watched you watch everything. It hadn't even been a day since you'd met him, and already there was something there. A connection, a hint of a feeling. It was brand new as you explored the old world.

Arm in arm with your guide, you felt your heart come alive for the first time in ages. Everything was bright and new and you could feel yourself stitching into the lines of it all like embroidery. Maybe you weren't a mismatched piece here.

Maybe with Billy you could fit perfectly.

[easily-distracted-by-fandom]

imma ask and answer my own questions about the hive future. If I can’t answer them too bad haha.

How do they get vitamin d? We get it from the sun but they don’t go outside. ok so I assume they’ve invented a way to get the full spectrum of sunlight in a way that activates melonin in the skin without the radiation with their suns. This makes sense I think because in one book Amber says that the sea farm has basic lightbulbs that are dim and can’t replicate the full spectrum of the sun like the ones in parks can (iirc)

also Juniper calls them daylight moles? Has living underground given them any features they wouldn’t have had before? I think they might have a bit smaller eyes because they don’t really need to see that far. Also their dark vision probably sucks ever more now. This answer to that question makes me think that there are definitely ways to tell if someone is hive or sea farm other than the way they talk/ reading their minds

how do people join the ramblers association if they don’t have any family in it? No clue. If they have extreme psychological issues that cause them stress and depression to be without the outside as even a child I assume they get assigned to a psychologist but would a psychologist have that information? Maybe. If they couldn’t figure it out they’d probably refer to a borderline who would have that information so I guess you could get told about the outside parks by a psychologist as a kid if you really needed it. And if it was caught in lottery I guess you would be imprinted with that. They can personalize imprints right? Or is it standardized? Help- idk I have more questions than answers

[music-for-them-asses]

I graduated college in 2014...I've been battling depression off and on since...well, for forever 😵‍💫 😖 I've had fatigue problems for the same amount of time, which I've always attributed to the depression. I've had some blood tests run that didn't really show anything, other than I'm pretty low on vitamin D (but not considered deficient??)

I'm going to schedule an appt with my PCP to have my blood drawn for a health assessment. Maybe that could show possible problems?? Idk man. Unfortunately, fatigue is a pretty vague symptom that can point to a lot of different disorders. It's hard to know exactly what is causing it. 😕

[bebsi-cola]

i see a lot of your posts about disability, and im really sorry if this is overstepping or anything, but i dont know who to ask about this.

im currently trying to figure out if i have some kind of illness or something because i recently figured out that not everyone is in pain 24/7 and cant walk for more than like, 10 minutes before starting to limp and hurt

i dont know if im just out of shape, or weak, or maybe im just making it up but i just dont know what to ask the doctors because every time it just… nothing happens. i go, get a check up, and they send me on my way. no referrals, no next appointment, no medication, just “go do some stretching” or “make a food diary” or a psych evaluation for some reason????

im confused and upset and idk what to do anymore because im just hurting all the time and the areas it pain is in changes a lot but im always hurting and its always there

it's not overstepping, but i'm unsure about my ability to help much. constant pain and difficulty walking after 10 minutes isn't really typical. that is a health issue that i personally think might be caused by some sort of condition or disability. it might be a condition that can be cured so I can't say that it one or the other for certain, but i think you've done the right thing by trying to go to a doctor. i'm sorry that it has not gotten any further investigation.

i can give some advice but with two caveats. it might not be applicable. and i want to stress that just because there might be some things you can do, it's not your fault if doctors dismiss you, belittle you, or refuse you healthcare. it's their fault.

it might seem dismissive but something you can do is to take the initial advice doctors give. what they typically do is work by the lowest common denominator in healthcare. aka they go for the easy, simple, common, and obvious problems first. now you might be dealing with a problem that evidently feels neither easy, simple, common, or obvious. after all it's not like everyone around you has the same problems right? but sometimes we have to play along with the system, and so i (personally) find that it can be helpful to follow the initial advice to the letter. if they want you to stretch, stretch daily. if they want a food diary, keep one. if the problem persists you've already ruled out common issues (which, it kinda sucks to say but sometimes very painful or life impacting health issues can have simple or common causes. that doesn't invalidate them. anyway). this also means that the next doctor (ideally) can't dismiss you with the same advice. "i went to the doctor for this issue, they said do that and i did it but nothing has changed/i got worse". is something i have found useful in the past, but like i said it depends. i was dismissed with repeated blood tests for years upon years because i couldn't keep my vitamin D levels high enough. when i finally resolved my vitamin and mineral levels - i still had health issues! surprise surprise. but it meant that doctors were finally, finally forced to try something else to investigate. a lot of specialist services where i live will straight up refuse patients if a blood test has not been carried out and returned fine. im fact referrals being rejected was a huge barrier i faced trying to get healthcare, and one i continue to face. i will finally be getting an investigation by a neurologist team this year after being treated for migraines for over two years, just because they didn't want to accept the referral i convinced the doctor to send them. it tough and you might have to try multiple times for the same thing.

my difficulty with healthcare was also influenced by my autism and the fact that i could not communicate effectively what i felt or experienced. i also have memory issues which means i can't remember when anything started or for how long it has been happening for. unfortunately i have no advice for communication issues because it was a skill i had to learn over hundreds of appointments and meltdowns over the years, and i'm lucky it was something that i could learn.

lastly there's no trick to getting doctors to take you seriously enough. doctors are all different people and there's no magic one size fits all, especially when the doctor will be basing their perception and biases of you - the individual, and not the other disabled people who found a neat trick that works. my symptoms first started when i was around 13, but nobody took me seriously at that age. or at 18 or 19 or 20. im currently 27 and i think doctors only started taking me even remotely seriously was around age 25. yeah i have a baby face and act autistic and i had a lisp but that was kinda outside my control. some people say it helps if you bring a friend or adult, but i dunno. some people say it helps if you know the terminology like "differential diagnosis" and some people say it helps if you act clueless but say that a family friend thinks you have an issue. i brought up fibromyalgia a full 5-6 years before i got diagnosed with it and it was laughed off. who knows.

either way anon i wish you the best and i hope you can find support and understanding from the people around you while you go through this.

[vulgarvixxen]

(same anon as yesterday) ah ok

I wanna see logicality + trans!logan. idk what prompt tho, can’t decide. just wanna see logan w/a cute round baby bump

Tw: feeling sick, eating non-food items

This kept trying to be angsty but this version finally wasn’t, not a lot of baby bump as I wanted to add :(

Logan hadn’t been feeling well, the last few weeks he would wake with strong nausea keeping him in the bathroom until the others were awake. Virgil had been worried and Janus was checking in on him more than ever, Patton was growing extra protective and territorial of him. It wasn’t until his stomach started to grow that he connected the dots, morning sickness. He was pregnant.

They didn’t think it was possible for sides to become pregnant so he and Patton hadn’t been careful, the others hadn’t either but Logan was the only side that was originally formed in a way that humans would call AFAB. He was scared but he couldn’t find himself being mad about it, there was a new life growing inside him and as much as this was an unknown it was also a new learning experience. And he wasn’t alone, Patton was a great partner and had always wanted to be a father, both Virgil and Janus would look out for him…the twins would try their best of course. His family was going to help him handle this.

“Why can’t I stop eating? Nothing is satisfying and I’m not even hungry anymore!” Logan cries out, the jar of peanut butter he had opened only has a single small scoop out of it before being left on the table. He leaves the kitchen, waddling to where Remus was sitting in the living room watching a grim-dark d&d podcast, “This is not at all rational!” He complains, sitting next to the dark twin and trying to distract himself with the campaign. Remus makes an agreeing grunt, having a craving for something you can’t place is a pain he’s had to deal with too. Patton and Janus had both been trying to cook or bake everything they could think of with no results, Logan was still miserable.

Speaking of, Logan reached mindlessly into the bowl Remus was holding and popped a ball of the dough into his mouth before he could be stopped. Remus was already summoning Pat when Logan ceased chewing, “Shit shit, I di-“ “Remus, what is this?” The look that he pins Remus with has the creativity hiding behind daddy-dearest, “Cl-clay?” The answer seems to be sufficient enough because Logan swallows, “Can you make me more?”

In their now shared room Logan has a little bowl nestled on top of his baby bump, eating bits of red and white clay. “Virgil says that dirt and clay are not too uncommon for humans to crave during pregnancies, he says that it’s normally caused by minerals missing in a person’s diet!” Patton giggles as he retells the story, “We don’t actually get vitamins or minerals from eating but you still got a craving for it, maybe humans just need to feel grounded sometimes.” Logan flicks a ball of the soft clay at Patton, “That was terrible, absolutely terrible.” He still smiles, rubbing the bump before closing the lid on the bowl. “But it is a fascinating theory, tell me more about what you and Virgil found.”

[vio1315]

Oh right 

I keep meaning to do a life update

Because long time followers remember when I posted a lot of personal struggles on here and I like never follow up on that stuff

And have since stopped posting personal stories as often whoops

Honestly I don’t remember everything I left as a loose thread that could be ‘is she okay’ so basically:

>Yes I am okay

>Most the stuff I was having trouble with happened like 5+ years ago now

>I am still pretty shut in, but I have a good job and I do go out once a week technically

>Much more mentally stable, I don’t really get the sort of empty feelings I used to anymore

>Every day I am unsure if I am like 🤖 to other people, or if I live normally. But I have unworked a lot of the emotional repression stuff I was doing subconsciously, and have gained a capacity for the ‘feeling of love’ (since love isn’t really a feeling, but you know the feeling I mean). Idk if I never experienced it before, but if I did it was Extremely rare compared to now. I certainly had devotion, but idk

It’s like ‘oh my prayers were answered on this topic again :0 ‘

I think I am pretty content generally, but I still don’t have happy feelings or fun feelings that often on my own, but this is super normal for me and doesn’t bother me the way the ‘void feelings’ did. It just vibing

>I did get a few extra sensory issues, probably from being shut in, but nothing that makes it any harder to go out. I should go out more still, but not many ideas of where to go for now

>I lost touch with the rest of my rl friends more or less (ﾟ⊿ﾟ) I went through a big thing of making myself not burn bridges and then like 4 months later they stopped contacting me anyways. I haven’t really felt any issue about it so have been leaving it be, but I guess I’ll crack that case back open if it ever starts to feel like a big thing that needs to be done

>My family is doing pretty well : ) 

>Story stuuffffff. I went through about a year of work to make my to do list better, so now I can focus on writing, sort of. And hopefully I can finish my script for TTF in good time now after the Big Delay of relaying the foundation and needing to get life in order. It will take a Long time because I insist on doing all 10 arcs before starting to draw it, so like... I still am mostly gonna be quiet on the topic for awhile

>Life plans? Nope, never. I still live very in the present, so I will just continue my job till I get fired probably and try my best to keep using my free time well. Or start

>Nobody wonders about this but I swear to you, vitamins/supplements make me sick every time I take them. Like literally sick. Like with germs and things. How????? How???? They had nothing in common between the three diff supplements, but each time I started I would get sick for like 2 weeks or a month ??? But I will keep trying to see if this is actually happening because ??? How ????

>Oh yeah, I am trying to get my health better and actually gained much weight 🥳 maybe someday exercise too, but I wanna tighten daily schedule first

>I am looking at some other mental disorders where I think ‘do I have that???’ But just for the sake of communication. I still don’t really need medication to manage the strange stuff. Coping mechanisms generally work pretty good for me, and learning to weed out bad ones and so on. I haven’t felt ANXIOUS in a bit now, and idk maybe not as often. I know I was like a year or two ago, but it goes down every year overall.

Lots of things that used to make me anxious just don’t so much anymore

That’s everything I can really think of right now

Life is basically good overall for me. 

Health is good for me, though I still need to work on actually doing things to be good to my body.

Socializing is pretty good in the forms I do it, but I still need to go out more to prevent my brain from getting weird about ‘sounds and feelings I can’t control’ and all

Fam : ) 

Everything is chill actually. I basically vent here less now just because I have more opportunity to vent directly to people when there’s a need to wjdnejd but I don’t think anything major comes up that often

But also my emotional memory is really low hwjdnwjd like I know for a fact a year or two ago there was a month where I was super unwell and stressed, but legit idk what that felt like, I just know it happened

So maybe the frequency Could be similar, but I wouldn’t know it 🤔 but certainly less major events happen, and that’s good with me

Just an update cuz I realize it’s easy to vent and all, but when things resolve, it’s less interesting to talk about, so you leave people hanging unintentionally, since posting directly on here barely feels like talking to anyone anyways, super easy to let that go

I am not a private person honestly, so hope this doesn’t seem weird to anyone widjsjdn

[nathank77]

8/18/24

1:51 p.m

I learned something new, metopolol can cause muscle twitching. I remember after the statin i had muscle spasms for a while. Then they stopped. Up until recently I wasn't getting many muscle twitches or spasms at all. Not enough to note that's for sure and I track myself really hardcore.

I was thinking those muscle twitches could be From being hyper potentially or from even white mulberries or even caffeine or lack of sleep.

Maybe it's metopolol. It's kinda weird though. I took metopolol for like 7 years... or more and never had any issues. I didn't take it today, imma track my heart rate and see what it is without metopolol...

What triggered me to start it was one panic attack and my heart rate resting at 80.... not a great reason and with metopolol controlling my heart rate idk what my heart rate would be if it wasn't in the mix. So let's see.

Maybe the twitching will stop too. I've got to remind myself I was on many less drugs before.... like I added all kinds of supplements and whatnot. Between b12 bc of my mostly vegan/vegatarian diet, l salivarius, white mulberries, Melatonin, Hydroxyzine, coq10, CBD...

Back when I was on metopolol daily I was only taking zrytec, Xanax, vitamin d, and thats really it. I still take those obv.. but I added in a lot. It could alter things with Methimazole added as well.

But this is why I can't jump to me being symptomatically hyper without more facts.

Fact is:

I don't sweat like I used to.

My appetite exists a little more than it did last month but tbh it's nothing like when I was hyper..

Fact is:

Everything I listed for potential symptoms have a potential cause other than being hyper....

Now muscle twitching has one more additional potential cause...

I guess if I need a beta blocker to help my heart rate I may have to ask for another one. I don't like the twitching. I don't want to deal with it..it makes me feel like I'm going to develop a movement disorder. It gives me anxiety.

Metopolol can cause insomnia but to be fair I slept on Metopolol with xanax the entire time before I stopped it. And obv as a pot head before psychosis/microsleep I slept just fine on Metopolol...

Idk why the meds I'm currently on would interact with Metopolol. I never had muscle twitching before. I almost didn't look it up bc I figured it wasn't a side effect but it is.

Let's hope my heart rate is fine without it and the twitching stops.

Also I had 6 days of bad insomnia. Day 1 was when I had the panic attack... the next day I started metopolol.... then I couldn't sleep and had to double up. Then the next day I added weed in and didn't need to double up. The next day I added weed in and didn't double up. The next day I had to double up. The day after i had to double up. Then the next night I had to add weed in and I didn't have to double up. Then last night I didn't have to double up...

So yea... it seems tied... I started metopolol Monday the 12th of August.... and that's when my sleep tracker has the most sleep disturbances and the muscle twitching.....

I think it's kinda ridiculous, something I've taken for 7 years that never caused any of this could now cause it after a few months of not taking it...

But yea... anyways... I'll track my heart rate and my insomnia... and I have that physical imma tell her all the supplements I added into my diet and about this.

Truth be told I'm not on many medications... I'm on 90% supplements... for medical reasons but nonetheless I've added a lot to my diet.

[t1oui]

so i randomly decided to post oc stuff. this might be the only time i do this, depending how well it goes. idk. it's nearly 1 am. have a thing. it got sad, but not really, because they have each other, or something like that.

She doesn’t know what to say about it. “You’re appalling,” maybe, or “You’re the best,” or, “I hate you so much I could spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Message received,” Steven says, dumping the bags onto the ottoman before slumping down on the floor. He summons a fry seemingly out of nowhere and shoves it in his mouth. “Are you seriously studying right now?”

Kia glances up momentarily before flashing him her flashcards. He rolls his eyes and gestures towards the window, which she is very pointedly facing away from.

“It’s not pissing rain outside for the first time in a millennia,” he says. “And you’re studying Physics?”

Kia flips him off, setting down her pencil to reach for a french fry. “Go suck a dick.” Steven just smirks at her, leaning back against a chair but remaining seated on an old (too old) shag rug. 

“Gladly,” he replies mildly. He glares at her homework again.

“You’re a nerd,” she informs him bluntly. “Shouldn’t you be cheering for me right now?”

Steven seems to give this a moment of serious thought before shrugging and shaking his head. “Nah. I’m a lit guy. Physics can kiss my ass.”

Kia tries to hide her smile. “Blake, you have problems.”

He shrugs noncommittally in response and continues looking out the window. He never seems to look directly at her, except for when she spots him in her peripheral vision, silently pleading to go outdoors. She finally has enough and slams her pencil down with a dull thud. Steven doesn’t even flinch, though he does smile a bit.

“You’re like a dog,” she says. She means it in a bad way, but Steven just grins. Then he stands up, dusting his hands off on his jeans, which are such a rich blue that they wash out his eyes instead of making them pop. He looks handsome anyway.

“Outside,” he says, more of a command and a question, and Kia rolls her eyes as she takes his outstretched hand. 

“Your fault,” he says brightly, tugging her to get their shoes on. He pulls his on impossibly fast — on closer inspection, they’re docs, and therefore not even his — and then stands over her ominously, watching. She holds off on asking him to step back right up until she can feel his breathing on her scalp. She loves him, but that’s too weird, and she knows that’s why he’s doing it. 

“Only you would show up on the one day I’m actually being productive and pull me out of it,” she accuses, though her words don’t carry much weight. Especially not with Steven’s arm looped through hers.

“I’m pretty special,” he agrees. “Even if you don’t see it.”

Kia doesn’t reply to that. She doesn’t want to get soppy, not right now, not when their banter has been perfectly normal today. She doesn’t want to tell him how special he is, how special he’s always been and always will be. He’s a fucking mess, but he’s her mess sometimes, and she loves that. She clears her throat, almost swallowing a bug in the process. 

“So, what’re you doing hanging around my house on a Saturday?” she asks finally, vowing to ignore any sappy comments from him. 

“We’ve got a two week bye,” Steven says, only sort of answering the question. “Between winter and spring. Nothing else going on. You’re the only one around, and anyway, who else am I going to attack with promises of junk food and Vitamin D?”

Kia glances over at him, and he gives her a wry smile. You’re the only one around, he says, but she knows he’s also saying that the matter of who’s around doesn’t really… well, matter. Steven shows up when he wants to show up, never thinking about who’s around and who’s not around and who’s never around. He’s always around, and even if he calls himself a recluse, he’s always in need of attention. 

“What are our boys up to today, then?” Kia asks. She and Steven live close, stuck in the same few-block radius along with Kaz and Jake, two other members of their group. In hindsight, both of them are more connected to Steven than they ever will be to Kia, but she gets along with them wonderfully. She probably would’ve died if she didn’t. 

“Kaz is shopping with his mom,” Steven says. “Jake’s going to a show with his parents.”

She senses the hint of sadness in his voice, as if he feels left out. She knows that the Mabees would have invited him to go along with them, which means he turned down the offer and got sad about it anyway, and that makes Kia sad because it’s a very Steven Blake thing to do. Steven Blake is truly a very special, unique person, and as much as she wishes his self-destructive tendencies didn’t exist, she can’t fathom who he’d be without them. It's almost scary, who he is sometimes. The eye of a hurricane, calming you so you’re caught off guard when the storm gets ten times worse. 

Steven and Jake are best friends, always will be, but she knows they’ve grown apart. She wonders what it must be like, to miss someone who’s so close all the time. Then a stab in her heart reminds her that she knows all too well. 

Kia could tell him that he should’ve gone. That he should’ve accepted the offer. But she doesn’t, because she would’ve done the same thing. 

“What’s the show about?” she asks, and she listens as he digs himself deeper and deeper, as his hole of sadness grows wider and wider, and she lets him pull her closer to the edge with every word. 

[whocaresanymoreamiright]

talking abt dissociation bc BRO I'M SO OUT OF IT

these binges don't even make me feel that good anymore, i can't enjoy food like i did when it makes me dissociate sm :(

but still yk i just crave it when i don't do it.

but idk maybe i'll stop, like gradually decrease the amounts and the frequency over time bc i cannot stand this, i'm so out of it most of the time. this is why i stopped drinking (for a while) bc it just makes it worse. this is why i started sleeping more too. maybe i should eliminate sugar from my diet? :( but no i don't have mental capability for that, i mean with everything else going on. uh idk. i do need to improve my diet, i'm lacking nutrients i think. like vitamin c and stuff. i am an adult.

i can't remember the last time i felt fully awake and in the moment, but it couldn't be that long ago, dissociation only got constant recently, and i was dealing with it in summer too, i remember, but it wasn't that severe ig? or rather it wasn't constant or idk. maybe it just wasn't bothering me that much.

at least i'm not nervous! i can't be nervous in this state. so like this is how it's related to mental stuff imo, not just sleeping amd sugar and poor diet (and alc) but bc i'm like protecting myself in a way?? but at what cost lmao.

i think when i got rly upset bc of my friend a sh-d in the beginning of september, i was probably in the moment at that time. bc like you don't get the urge to sh when you're just. not even in this dimension lol. or at least i don't rly seem to get it.

tho i have an idea what if sh could snap me out of this. nah. i don't even wanna do it rn. this is what i'm talking about, this dissociation protects me. or maybe not, maybe it's a severe blood sugar issue and i'll be hospitalised very soon if i don't do stuff abt it. this is why i'd like to improve my eating habits also bc it's probs not good for my blood sugar if i just keep undereating 4 days a week and then absolutely binge and devour everything in sight during the other 3. so yeah. idk.

to sum it up, i don't like the dissociation :( i like it even less than not eating. idk how i'd deal with stress and nervousness if i didn't feel like this tho, but yk whatever. idk. so yeah it's like i don't like it but i do yk. it protects me in a way. again, i may be projecting and it's just the blood sugar. or some other physical problem.

anyway, i'll see a therapist sometime, my aunt said she knows one who could prescribe me antidepressants again, so that's nice. maybe he can help with this also. so yeah, hoping for the best ig and bye bye i'll go get ready for my calculus presentation now <3

[lavender-femme]

Swim day 💦

🧜🏼‍♀️ MEN | MINORS | TERFS DNI 🧜🏼‍♀️

[tavern-aa]

19 with tsukishima where years after he bullied us he confesses too us and we reject him harshly leaving him there heartbroken?

AN: Hello, I just want to say one thing here. Who. Hurt. You?! Like my goodness that is rough, but good practice. It's been a while since I've written some angst so I suppose it was inevitable. I hope you cry or something idk lol. LET'S GET IT!!!! -Teddy

Rating: T for swearing

Warnings: None, just expect some hurt

Angst Prompt 19: “I fucking hate everything about you.”

You had mixed feelings about high school, on one hand, you made some great friends and had fun experiences. On the other hand, you met the inevitable bane of your existence for 3 years, Tsukishima Kei. Going into Karasuno you're self-esteem was pretty alright, you weren't especially insecure or unhappy. But that guy had a way of making you feel like you were the dirt beneath his shoes.

He always had something to say, a snarky comment here, a taunting laugh there. It was never-ending. It got so bad at one point other members of the volleyball team had taken to standing up for you. Even Yamaguchi, Tsukishima's closest friend, tried to urge him to lay off. You never understood how a normally sweet, non-confrontational guy like Yamaguchi could be friends with the spawn of satan and a sociopath.

But, like all troubling times, it came to an end. By the time you graduated you had not murdered the man, nor had he driven to doing something drastic. Though you came close sometimes. You had overcome and powered through his continuous abuse and moved as far away from him as you could. And it worked for quite a while. You started making a name for yourself in your profession and flourished in a healthier environment. Though you kept in touch with a few people from school you made sure to stay as far away from the bastard as possible.

Despite all that, the fact that you ran into him on the streets unexpectedly one day had to be the worst situation you could come up with. The day started out nice enough, a nice stroll on your day off. It had been a while since you have had a break so you decided to dress up and hit the town and relax with your own company. You were strutting down the street happily scrolling through your phone trying to find a nice café or something to get a treat at when your shoulder was harshly shoved.

"Hey watch where you're going"

Your heart skipped a beat for a moment, you knew that voice. You whipped your head around and there he was the literal bane for your existence: Tsukishima Kei. Your eyes met and suddenly all the anger you had festered in high school came rushing back at once. You regarded him with a blank stare. He looked the same for the most part the only thing to note was that his hair was a bit longer and there was a startled look on his face.

You stared into his eyes as you built up your nerve, this was your chance. He shuffled his feet for a moment before turning to fully face you.

"Y/N...hi?"

You titled your head slightly at his seeming question, "Tsukishima."

"You look well, I mean you were fine before I supposed but you know" he stammered out.

Oh, he was uncomfortable, perfect.

"Thank you" you let your gaze wander across his frame for a moment before slowly turning to walk away.

"Wait a second!" he called out, check.

You turned your head back to him, "yes, Tsukishima is there something you needed?"

The blonde somehow looked even more uncomfortable than before and you soaked it up like it was vitamin D. You watched him squirm under your gaze before seemingly steeling his eyes to yours.

"I realize it's been a while since we've last seen each other so do you want to go get a cup of coffee with me and...catch up?"

Wow, does this man really have the audacity to speak to you like you were close before? Like he wasn't the reason you dreaded school for three years?

"Playing coy doesn't suit you Tsukishima, I've always seen you as rather direct. There's clearly something specific you want to say to me so why not just say it?" You held his gaze daring him to look away from you. This wasn't going to be like high school, no, this time you had the upper hand.

Tsukishima seemed startled for a moment before sighing and clenching his fists. "I suppose I should have figured you'd see through me, you always were pretty smart" oh a compliment, how disgusting. You raised your eyebrows at him and waited for him to get to the point.

"What I wanted to say was that I am sorry for how I acted when we were in school. I was an ass, yeah, but I just couldn't figure out how to act around you and the crush I have didn't help so it all just got away from me" he took another steadying breath and took a step towards you. "I want to say sorry for being an ass, so can we move on from this and just go out?"

Silence. There was only silence in your head. There was absolutely no way this was happening. Tsukishima Kei did not just say that to you, this ad to be a trick. Maybe an alternate universe where he magically pulled his head out of his ass for a single moment that caused the fabric of reality to change. The whole situation was just so...

"Hahaha!"

You gripped your stomach as you bent over laughing, "that's amazing Tsukishima!" It was all too much! You felt your cheeks starting to get sore and your lungs ache. You looked up at the blonde's towering frame with amusement plastered across your face.

"You have feelings for me, how amazing because you know what Tsukishima?"

His eyes looked at you cautious but filled with hope, "what?"

"I fucking hate everything about you!"

You were hit with another wave of laughter as his face fell. "This is all too much I mean really, you really believed I would want you? Like in all seriousness, why would I do that?"

You managed to stand up again and leisurely gestured your hand towards the road, "I would sooner walk into oncoming traffic than go out with you."

[twiafom]

Ok so I'm your full metal alchemist Au: hiccup is an alchemist. Jack is a homunculus. Valka was taken by the military to go commit war crimes. The dragons are homunculi. This all got me thinking that a) Valka wouldn't slap animals haphazardly together, she'd take her time to make sure these creatures can live full, happy lives this creating a new species. Also, what if Jack wasn't dead, but dying? So he AND hiccup do the transmutation together, and Jack is a bit weird because of it? Maybe it fucks with him and his alchemy. Idk. There's really no reason for him to suddenly gain ice magic other than him just giving. Unless hiccup tried to make him also a chimera by taking certain attributes of an animal that would cure whatever is wrong with jack a la taking the gene that codes for the synthesis of vitamin d and putting that in a human with scurvy, so they become immune to scurvy. It's kinda more genetics at that point, but would yield interesting yet subtle consequences.

🤔 lots going on here. so the dragons are both animals and homunculi? and if jack performed the transmutation while dying i don't think that would make him a homunculus, but if he no longer needs transmutation circles and already specialized in the alchemical change of water into ice then he could do that with no circle. i think the transmutation would probably be similar to how roy starts his fires just a little colder so to speak. chimera jack is also interesting but the gene replacement would depend on what was wrong with him i think 🤔

[oretsov]

text me when you’re free ; part 1 (ao3) 

Alina and Zoya go on a blind double date. Unfortunately, chaos ensues.

[ as told through texts ]

Monday, august 1. 14:23

A: Zoya :)

Z: what

A: what would you say if i came to you with the proposition of a lifetime

Z: I would say blink twice if you’re in a pyramid scheme

A: That hurts

A: That you think i could be roped into one

Z: anything is possible

A: :(

Z: .

Z: I would consider buying tainted mlm vitamins from you

A: :D

A: mlm vitamins. the vitamins are in love

Z: As they should be

A: In love with keeping me healthy

Z: …..You arent actually in a pyramid scheme right

A: asjdkf; no but i do have a proposition

Z: and this concerns me because

A: Because it’s a good proposition

Z: Sound reasoning. continue

A: Yes so you know how i went on that date sunday with blondie

Z: I do recall the swipe for blondie. How was it

A: It was good!! Pretty solid, he’s super nice. We just got brunchy drinks but nothing crazy it was like 2 pm

Z: That’s never stopped you before and we both know it

A: Well the man was not shoving bloody mary’s down my throat now was he

Z: YOU ordered your fourth on your OWN volition

A: I did no such thing

Z: And YOU were the one who invited our server on a booze cruise

A: I do not recall

A: I suddenly cannot read

Z: Smh

A: Also we are actually friends with tamar now so that was a W

Z: W

A: W

Z: W

A: W

A: asdfj; STOP DISTRACTING ME. let me continue. We got drinks

Z: You got drinks

A: And a topic of our app conversation was brought up, re: the picture I have of us two together

Z: A good picture

A: The best

A: Well the caption is ‘she’s single too’ and he uhhhhhh suggested a double date

Z: Pffffft

A: That’s what i said at first but then realized a. I did have that pic/caption so I should have expected this and 2. I know you think he’s cute and c. he has been one date vetted and is not a weirdo

Z: Who would he bring

Z: Wait i thought you liked him though

A: He’s on like a local club volleyball team, and said one of those guys. I think his name is Aleksander? But nikolai said he was nice too and they play together basically every other day

A: And ugghh i dont know maybe. Maybe more of a friendship vibe

Z: no cheeky little kisses for nikolai?

A: it’s early days

Z: i’ll drink to that

Z: also are you coming over later for love island

A: is the sun hot

Z: word

A: but would you be interested? Blind double date?

Z: I suppose

A: i see you faking nonchalance and i acknowledge that you are instead of calling you out on it

Z: how considerate of you

Z: what day are you thinking. Friday and saturday will probably be out for us

A: yeah i figured. Thursday after work?

Z: can’t. I have a happy hour with the newbies

A: be nice to them

Z: no

A: lol

A: I mean. Tomorrow? Is drinks on wednesday night too outrageous?

Z: eh maybe a little but who cares

A: it’s no thirsty thursday that’s for sure

Z: wet wednesday

A: i meaannnn here’s hoping?

Z: keep it in your pants

A: only if you keep it in yours!!!!!

Z: i want to say no promises but. Blonde

A: i feel like you’re lying to yourself you said he was hot

Z: for a blonde

A: -_-

A: i hope you fall in love . i’ll spend my speech laughing into the mic for ten whole minutes

Z: barf

A: :))

Tuesday, august 1. 15:08

A: Hey! Thanks again for Sunday, I talked to my friend and she is interested!

Nikolai - bumble: Awesome, sounds good! Aleks is really looking forward to it as well

A: Glad to hear! Does 6:30 work for you guys?

Nikolai - bumble: Yep that should be good

Nikolai - bumble: Have you guys ever been to little palace? I think it’s between our places of work, they have a pretty good happy hour but they’re still a pretty nice establishment

A: Yes we love it there!! Let’s meet there

Nikolai - bumble: Sounds good, see you guys then!

Wednesday, august 2. 19.58

A: ZOYA

Z: ALINA WHERE TF ARE YOU COME BACK IDK WHICH FORK TO KILL MYSELF WITH

A: HE FOLLOWED ME INTO THE BATHROOOMAF A

Z: HE WHAT

A: HE FOLLOWED ME. AND WALKED INTOT HE EMENS ROOM AND WAS LIKE LETS’ GO AND I WAS LIKE. WHOMST IN THEE FAFUCK

Z: WHERE IN THE FRESHEST HELL DID THIS GUY SOCME FROM

A: NO I’M NOT DONE AND I SAID NO I HAVE TO PEE AND HE

A: WALKED INTO THE LADIES ROOM

A: AND INTO A STALL. AND SAID OKAY

A: AND I WAS

Z: AHAHAHHAHAA WHAT THE FUCK

A: I WAS LIKE I’M NOT GOING TO FUCK YOU IN THIS BATHROOM STALL OF THIS FUCKING FAMILY RESTUARANT YOU ABOSOLUTE HEATHEN AND I LITERALLY HAD TO PUSH HIM OUT OF THE BATHROOM

Z: BROOOO WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

A: I HATE IT HERE

Z: wait but he’s not back at the table

Z: come back. Pls

A: i’m peeing talk to nikolai

Z: he went to the bar

A: why go to the bar when we have our waitress WHICH BY THE WAY ALSO WHAT THE FUCK

Z: WHO HITS ON THE WAITRESS WHEN UR ON A DATE

A: IN FRONT OF ME AND ME CHIPPIES

A: AJSD;F THIS FUCING GUY APPARENTLY

Z: omg alina i found him

A: oh no don’t tell me

Z: HE’S AT THE WAITRESS STAND TALKING TO LIKE THREE OF THEM AHAHHHAHAHAAHA

Z: LITERALLY I AM SHOCKED AND SPEECHLESS AT THIS MAN LIKE???????WHAT?????

A: NAURRRRRRRRRRR

A: WHO THEE FUCK DOS NIKO PLAY VOLLEYBALL WITH LIKE WHAT IS THIS

Z: I GUESS ANYONE CAN JUST SIGN UP TO PLAY LOCAL VOLLEYBALL THESE DAYS UNREGULATED AJSD;F

Z: oh christ he’s coming back i honestly cannot spend five minutes alone with this grandpa

A: AJDK;F A GRANDPA IT’S TRUE

A: SURE GRANDPA LETS GET YOU TO BED

Z: OK HE’S WALKING I’M RUNNING TO THE BAR DO YOU WANT ANYTHING

A: MARG PLS

Z: LET IT BE KNOWN THIS IS THE FOURTH AND YOU ARE ORDERING WITH LITTLE TO NO FORCE FROM ME

A: IT IS KNOWN

Z: NORMAL OR SPECIALTY

A: WHAT AM I A HEATHEN!!!!!!!! THE SPECIALTY

Z: OKAY

Z: POOP FASTER COME BACK SOON PLS

A: BE THERE ASAP

Wednesday, august 2. 20.17

HINGE CONVERSATION BETWEEN ALINA AND MAL

*Alina invited Mal to start the chat*

Mal: hey

Alina: do you like nuts

Mal: sure they’re alright

Alina: what kind

Mal: I like cashews

Alina: what about your dick nuts

Mal: um

Alina: those are my favorite

Mal: oh

Alina: sorry im a LADYY. Obviousliyf im not going to begin this conversation with sexting right

Alina: asdjf; WRONG so abot those nuts malyen

Mal: are you okay

Alina: i want to gobble them up like a thanksgiving gravy

Alina: that makes no fukcinga sense because i wont gobbel gravy itts turkey you idiot

Alina: i’m not gobbling anything. Keep your hands to yurself MAL

Alina: if that’s even your nAME

Mal: It is?

Alina: do you swallow

Mal: uh

Alina: what that tongue do

Mal: it does fine

Alina: i’M NOT LOOKIGN FOR JSUT FINE

Alina: MAL I KNOW YOUR’E BETTER THAN THAT

Mal: uhhh I’m sorry I don’t really know what you want me to say here

Alina: i’m saying that i awnt you to lick that pus*sy with the ferocity of a starving man

Mal: not sure the asterisk really helps

Alina: AR E YE STARVING OR NOT

Mal: if i’m being honest i’m mostly just confused

Alina: MALLL MAL mal mal mal. Read the signs im hard up we both like cachews and it does fine enoughojd;a

Mal: uhh

Wednesday august 2. 21.24

GROUP CHAT: the slutty nunnery

A: genyaaaaaa

G: hey ladies

A: no more ladies. Just me

G: oh?

Z: dont listen ot her

A: ZOYA YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

Z: AHDFHAHHAHAH

A: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME

G: are you guys still on the date??

Z: the boys left but we are putting something in our stomachs that is not alcohol

A: chippies

A: NO CHIPPIES FOR YOU ZOYA GENYA DO YOAU KNOW WHAT THIS BITCH DID TO ME

G: oh boy

A: HER AND NIKOLAI

A: WHO FIRST OF AL WAS ALL OH NAURRR I’M NOT GOANN LIKE HIM HE’S BOLONDE IM ZOYA I HAVE TO HAVE THE BEST HAIR AND NIKOLAID’S HAIR THREATENS IMINE

Z: i dont sound like this

G: eh

A: they take my TELEPHONE while aleksander tries to swoon me

A: AND THEY GO ON MY HINGE

Z: honestly i stand by this aleks was a shit date for you

A: ADN THEY START SWIPING AND THEY CONVERSE WITH ONE (1) MAL

G: ... does that name sound familiar

A: YES IT ADOES BECAUSE HE’ S UMY FUCKING WORK CRUSH GENYA AND HE’S AOS CUTE AND I WAS GOING TO ONE DAY ASK HIM OUT PROBABYLY NOT BUT NOW I NEVER CAN

Z: pffttt sure you can we just sped along the process if anything

A: NO I CANT BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM I LIKED HIS DICK NUTS

G: ahahhahah

A: NO GENYA DON’T LAUGH HTIS IS NOT LAUGHING

G: i’m sorry i take it back

A: i thought i was having a love island girl summer and that WAS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HAPPENED OTNIGHT

G: what about nikolai?

A: PFTTTT YEAH ZOYA WHAT ABOUT NIKOLAI

Z: he’s fine

A: he is not just fine they were canoodling and he had his ARM around her WAIST and they kept PUSHING AND SHOVING EACH OTHER OVER MY PHONE

Z: he kept texting dumb shit at least i had some class

A: the first thing you asked him was if he liked nuts

Z: you like to snack alina it’s good to have common interests

G: she has a point

A: DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT ZOYA

Z: I’LL DO WHAT I WANT

A: they were fools genya. Fools

G: ooohhhh nothing i love to see more

Z: he was the only viable option

G: wasn’t it literally a double date

A: barely grandpa was straight up not doing okay

G: ...GRANDPA

Z: genya this man was 39 years old and literally showed up piss drunk

A: at 6:30 on a wednesday

Z: yeah and when we ordered drinks he ordered two at the same time and alina and i were like oh haha okay

Z: but then he hadn’t finished those and then ordered TWO MORE

G: girl what…...

A: he was a literal mess i’m still speechless that a man SHY OF FORTY can act this way asj;df

G: ewww what omg stay away from us get a job what??? Is this allowed???

A: on a date with THREE PEOPLE IN THEIR TWENTIES NO LESS

Z: tbf he didn’t ~look~ old but yeah he literally acted like a sixteen year old which is somehow worse

A: HE KEPT FLIRTING WITH ETHE WAITERS

G: LMAO WHAT

A: yeah he literally had his arm around me and was flirting with our waitress and did that multiple times

Z: it was honestly wild to see

G: ew i do not miss being single

A: BOOO

Z: HISS

G: hehe sorry

G: are you guys stil there? Are you okay to get home do you need me to get you?

A: our chippies just came but i think we’ll be okay thanks babes

A: unless you want to come eat with us wait until you hear about what this mans did in the bathroom

G: ….

G: terrifying sentence. I’m on my way

[golbrocklovely]

i'm just gonna do an overall reaction to amber's new video with colby, bc i have so many thoughts lol

a lot of these are gonna be random and possibly all over the place, but i just want to say them so, ignore them if they don't make full sense.

colby talking about getting cancelled on twitter... too real.

idk why but his hair looked red-ish brown to me the whole video. it was really nice and all i want now if for him to dye his hair red again.

i love the fact that colby knows he's causing drama by doing these videos with amber. something about him knowing he's both pisses ppl off and getting them to talk about him is fucking hilarious to me. him saying 'you know we're gonna make a bunch of 13 year olds shit bricks' is one of the funniest things he said in the video. like at one point amber was saying 'sorry for the tiktok porn' and colby literally responded with 'you know they love it' and smirking?????

for a man that don't like drama, he definitely loves stirring the pot. and honestly... it's kinda hot.

also i just quickly realized that colby still has the banner up in his room from knj's video that says 'you are amazing' on it. that's really cute :)

so for the first tiktok, i love that amber weirdly has to teach colby to be domineering and sexy. like... this is the same man that apparently loves to be dominant in bed.

and i just realized that he never replaced the one earring that he took out on accident when he was taking off his shirt. he does know he could go to fucking claires and get matching black studs right??? this man spends MONEY on clothes, but can't buy matching earrings lmao

COLBY STOP STRAIGHTENING YOUR HAIR IT'S NOT 2007 ANYMORE AND WE LIKE IT WHEN IT'S CURLY GODDAMNIT

amber calling colby's dad daddy... im ded

second tiktok, loved it. no complaints. it was an adorable video highkey.

third tiktok.... i'm gonna be honest: i'm fucking dead after it. in the ground currently. no longer alive.

first question i have, why are his handcuffs so fucked up? like, how often you using them that the fluff is now coming off?? 👀👀👀 also, personally, if i was amber, i wouldn't touch those things with a ten foot pole unless they are sanitized to hell and back lmao

"WAIT WHERE ARE YOUR HANCUFFS?" "oh i think they're in here." colby don't lie you know they're in that drawer sksksks

so in the first half, them just goofing off and what not, that was so funny. i never realized how much it took to film those types of tiktoks and whatnot. or at least how serious they both take them.

the outtakes: i want to see them. i want to see colby (most likely) moaning while sliding down the wall """sexily""". i need that in my life right now plz and thx

now the second half... i just want to note that if i wasn't bisexual already, i would definitely be now.

you could tell that they could feel the sexual tension right before they filmed it. and like, i could as well. i was literally clutching my pillows bc i was getting nervous and anxious. when colby put the handcuffs on her, i was fucking losing it.

and idk if colby planned to do the pull her up by her chin thing, but when he did it, i about fucking astral projected.

AMBER TURNING THE VIDEO OFF SO FAST OMG

and then when they were filming after the tiktok, colby's face was so red !!! they were both so embarrassed at how sexual it was in that moment.

this whole situation (in my mind) proved that they are nothing more than friends. bc if they had been together in a sexual way before, they wouldn't be embarrassed to do something like that with each other.

regardless that at the end of the day it's none of our business, but still.

also possibly weird question but why does colby still have his retainer if he doesn't need it or wear it anymore?? like, he could have gotten rid of it at this point, i assume.

then when colby got offended at her saying these tiktoks were taking a long time (but not that she wasn't enjoying the time with him), his face change was so funny.

and the fourth one, i can't wait to see, i'm very curious what it's gonna be. i'm assuming something along the vain of the others, so probably sexual and fanbase craziness ensuing lol

random quotes:

'i'm coming🥺'

'mY eYeS dOn'T lIkE vItAmIn D vErY mUcH'

'i love vitamin d' 'of course you like the d'

'you know this about to be boob galore, right'

'are you ready? let me sit on your head.' 'ALRIGHT.'

'no harnesses, huh.' 'maybe not that. maybe we save that for another channel'

'should we do a belt?' 'yeah ;) WAIT WHERE ARE THE HANDCUFFS?!'

'you look like a teacher *clears throat* that's about to teach their students a lesson if you know what i'm saying' 'you wanna learn something?' 'yeah'

'if you wanna start it, i'll come out of the closet. *points at camera* dOn'T tAkE tHaT tHe WrOnG wAy'

'you gonna get my goddamn retainer in that shot? jesus chRIST'

'would you do this with another one of your fuCKING boyfriends on youtube?' 'never.' 'okay fine.'

'okay, how's that for bts?' 'bt-? oh ThAT's My FaVoRiTe BaNd'

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

.

We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

.

My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

.

I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

.

HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

.

Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

.

Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order.  And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in.  I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it.  Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.  

You are dealing with So. Much.  Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation.  It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions.  It’s just reality.  

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later.  Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with.  It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.  

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle.  Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep.  Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.  

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you.  The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit.  It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake.  That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties.  That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much.  Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.  

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist.  You might research online for any used ones as well.  A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation.  You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future.  It’s a lot to process.  But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.   

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general.  Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending  your physical therapy sessions.  We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy.  You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain.  Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body.  Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

[kurt-nightcrawler]

Fairytale

Warren Worthington III x Female Reader

Request 1: Omg I just read the I have a boyfriend and the opposites attract and I'm aksjksjeje. Idk if ur taking requests, but in case u are I need more on that mother nature reader and Warren pleaaaaseee!!! Maybe something with angst, like some conflict in their relationship, but with a happy would be greatttttt I absolutely love ur writing

Request 2: Hi love!:D idk if you’re taking requests or if you’re in the works of smth, but like, I’ve had this idea in my head about your fic of Mother Nature with what she said about the weather affecting her. Like it’s winter season or smth and the sun has not been out for days (and maybe Ororo is not around to help??) so she’s feeling weak and Warren is doing all he can so she can get better🥺 I reaally love your writing💕 💕

Warnings: swearing and angst

Word Count: 12.5k

“How long will you be gone?”

“A few weeks. We should be back before December 21st.” 

(Y/N) huffed, that was almost two weeks, plus the holidays were coming up. “Stay safe, okay? All I want for Christmas is you.” 

Warren rolled his eyes and kissed her forehead, “I already got you a gift.” 

(Y/N) thanked him and he just held her tighter. 

-

Warren went on a mission with Raven, Alex, Kurt, Ororo, and Jean. They were going to Italy to stop some mafia mutant issue. “Which is stupid,” Scott retorted. “We live in New York. Surely the mafia isn’t only terrorizing mutants in Italy.” 

(Y/N) shrugged, “Probably.” 

Her mind wandered as Jubilee talked to Scott about their final for Dr. McCoy. I need to water the plants in the greenhouse. (Y/N) yawned, she felt a sudden wave of drowse come over herself. I’ve been so tired lately… 

It wasn’t a mystery why (Y/N) had been so tired lately. It was because of the weather. The earlier it got dark, the less energy she had— and with it getting colder, her abilities were limited. Most of the plants in her room had gone dormant. (Y/N) was worried she would too, but it hadn’t gotten cold enough. 

“I think we should go skating tomorrow,” Jubilee suggested. 

“Just the four of us?” Peter asked. 

“Do you see anyone else? They’re all in Italy.” Peter squinted his eyes at Jubilee as she was sarcastic. “The rink is open, it’s December, and I’m bored! I wanna pick up cute girls.” 

“Isn’t ice skating like a go-to in Hallmark Christmas movies?” Scott asked. 

“Why do you know that?” Jubilee asked. 

“We watch those all the time on nights with the boys,” Peter explained. “They’re awful and all the same. There was one where a girl was in love with a ghost and another where a girl texted her dead mom to grieve… I’m so lucky I don’t celebrate Christmas.” 

(Y/N) laughed, hallmark Christmas films were pretty cheesy and cliche. 

“I mean yeah, you’re right, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go skating, or do something. Everyone is gone and we need to stay active.” 

Peter and Scott both looked at Jubilee with confusion. “But we’re all in pretty good shape.”

“No, I mean (Y/N),” She whispered to the boys. 

“What’s wrong with her? She looks fine.” Scott said, quickly checking her out as she was preoccupied with her phone. 

“Around winter, she tends to get weaker cause it’s colder and the sun goes down earlier…”

“Yeah… We know…”

“No, you guys don’t get it. During the winter plants go into like, hibernation— and if it gets too cold and (Y/N) falls asleep she’ll go dormant. The only safe places are her room and an area set up in the lab.” 

“We have to keep her awake all winter?” Peter asked curiously.

“No, we just have to make sure she only falls asleep in her bedroom and stays there. It’s the only ace place because it’s like a greenhouse sort of…”

“What happens if we don’t?...”

“She could die!” 

“Who could die?” (Y/N) asked. 

“Scarlett Johanson’s stunt-double. I mean have you seen the new Black Widow trailer?” Jubilee asked without missing a beat.

“Eh, I dunno. She’s a professional, plus stunt-doubles are kind of expected to get hurt… while it’s not preferable an innocent gets hurt,... they did sign up for it.” 

“I never thought of it like that…” Scott said almost seeing off-handed while trying to noticeably glare at Jubilee. 

“Well, I’ve got to go. I promised Catherine I’d help make gingerbread cookies.” Everyone wished (Y/N) some form of goodbye, or have fun, leaving them alone.

“(Y/N) is going to die?!” Peter almost screamed. 

“No! No, no— (Y/N) is not going to die. She’s done this longer than I’ve known her. I think she was like, thirteen when these first started happening. I didn’t know (Y/N) until we were 15, but still.” Jubilee continued on,  “She’ll either pass out randomly in the middle of December or January and hibernate until March or April, or she won’t go dormant and just have to spend most of the spring outside, like soaking up the sunshine or whatever. “

“Oh, okay. So this is normal. Great. (Y/N) might fucking die every winter and we just have to act like children on thin ice? Deal with it somehow?” Peter looked like he was freaking out. 

“I said she’s been doing this for years, plus she hasn’t died yet. We’ll be fine.”

Scott’s gut was telling him something different, but he blamed that on his constant anxiety. 

-

Five days after Warren left

(Y/N), Scott, Peter, and Jubilee all went ice skating. Jubilee and Peter attempted to spy on cute girls, while Scott tried to act perfect, and (Y/N) tried her best to not lean against the wall too much. It was fun, but indoor rinks are as cold as the outside ones. (Y/N) bundled up enough, but she still got chills. 

Scott took everyone to some artsy coffee shop that Jean adored. He claimed they had a killer hot chocolate. Jubilee already tried it once before, being Jean’s best friend/roommate. Peter thought it was kind of watery and not that great, and (Y/N) didn’t think it was bad but… 

“You overhyped it. It’s good though.” Scott pouted, and Peter laughed through Twinkie bites and hot chocolate sips. (Y/N) felt warm and fuzzy inside. Almost… sleepy…

Her mind started to drift… Warren… everything they’d do when he got back from Italy… 

Their first winter holiday together… all the shitty hallmark movies we can watch with Scott and Peter… the—

“(Y/N)!”

“Huh?!” She rubbed her eyes and tried to seem awake. “What is it?”

“You were dozing off there,” Scott pointed out. 

“Oh.” She scratched her head. “Sorry. Haha,” Her laugh was somewhat sarcastic. “Just don’t let me, uh… Don’t let me pass out. Wouldn’t wanna get nicknamed Sleeping Beauty.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Peter joked.

-

Nine days after Warren left

Peter taught everyone, or attempted to, teach everyone how to make a seven-layered cake. Jubilee and Scott kept sneaking batter, while (Y/N) was struggling to not use her powers. 

“Okay, but like, I could get sugar from a plant or—“

“No!” Jubilee protested, batter on the corner of her mouth. “We— we have all these ingredients here. Why waste them?” 

(Y/N) squinted her eyes, they were a bit purple, but she let it slide and grabbed sugar and other dry ingredients from the cabinets. 

“If she uses too much strength she could pass out. It’s been snowing hard for the past two days, and it’s been cloudy all week.” 

“Can’t she eat a protein bar or drink some coffee or something?” Peter whispered. 

Jubilee shook her head, “No, she needs vitamin D. Like, from the sun. More than a normal person does.” 

(Y/N) set the sugar on the counter and looked at the recipe from Peter’s mom, reading bits out loud, “We need 2 and 1⁄4 cups of sugar.” She looked at the measuring cups, trying to find the one she needed. 

“Hey, Scott! We agreed no phones out,” Jubilee scolded him. 

He rolled his eyes, “You sound like a teacher… I was just checking a package I ordered…”

“If you actually bought that $200 lightsaber you were telling me about,” (Y/N) joked, “I will scream.” 

Peter scoffed, “Please, Jean got him that for Christmas.” His face fell soon as the words left his mouth. “Shit…” 

“No, she didn’t. We had a budget and—“ Jubilee and Peter both looked at their feet, eyes wide and sheepish. “I am not worth $200.” 

“You sound like Warren,” Jubilee complained, cracking eggs into a separate bowl. 

“It’s true! I don’t want her to spend money on me.” He glanced at his phone again.

“She’s not going to text you. No one is allowed to bring phones on missions, because the government can like, track you and shit.” Peter reminded him. 

“I know, I know… but what if something happened? What if someone died or they got stuck and stranded and—“

(Y/N) put a hand on Scott’s shoulder, “Calm down Romeo. They’re going to be fine. If something happens, Xavier will let us know.” Scott nodded, trying to believe (Y/N) was right. 

-

Fifteen Days after Warren left

(Y/N) was getting sick and tired. Tired of her friends never leaving her alone, the panic on their faces if she so much as yawned or rubbed her eyes, she was sick of them being so nervous. More so Scott and Peter than Jubilee. 

Of course, they meant well, and just wanted to make sure she didn’t fall into a coma, but she didn’t need to be doted over like a tropical plant lost in the arctic. 

(Y/N) huffed as she messed with her hair in the bathroom mirror. Her leaves looked less colorful, more brown and dead, the vines around her legs were gone, and her eyes looked like she hadn’t been sleeping. She had, but it was hard, the sun went down at 5 PM, and it was cloudy and cold every day it seemed. 

I just want Warren here. He’d make everything better. We could cuddle and nap together…

(Y/N)’s turned blue and red as she stopped daydreaming and ran her toothbrush underwater. 

By nature, (Y/N) was not a gossip girl or a secret keeper— people saw her as a Disney princess, a few of the younger students even called her “Mother Nature”... but she had ruined her status by lying to the person she cared about most. 

She didn’t tell Warren about her dormant state, about how she could sleep until possibly March. She wanted to stay awake and active all winter. She wanted to spend her time with her angel. 

But he was in Italy fighting crime, and wouldn’t be back until mere days before Christmas. 

She had to be awake for Christmas and New Year’s. After that, it didn’t matter. 

Wait. Then she remembered Valentine’s Day. 

I have to be awake for that too. And Warren’s birthday… I can’t miss those… She made herself a promise she wouldn’t go dormant this winter. 

She glanced out the window as she scrubbed her teeth with the toothbrush. It was snowing again, thick heavy flakes came down almost in chunks. 

-

Twenty Days after Warren left

(Y/N) accidentally drank out of Peter’s cup without realizing it for about thirty minutes. Why did it matter?

Peter had caffeine in his soda, and (Y/N) did not. She was planning to go to bed in her room, and wake up when the sun rose to conserve energy. 

Now, she was staying up late with her friends, watching some crappy zombie movie on late-night TV.

“They could easily just move to an island. Use the old man’s boat. The zombies can’t swim!” (Y/N) argued during a commercial break. 

“Yeah, but there’s never any logic in these things.” Peter drowsed. 

“I guess so. It’s kind of dumb though…” 

Peter shrugged and took a sip of his drink, “Yeah, but it’s like Sharknado. They make money, it doesn’t matter if it’s bad or not.” 

(Y/N) didn’t retaliate, as the final commercial ended and the screen faded to black, signaling the movie was back on. 

-

Scott couldn’t remember when he fell asleep. He rubbed his eyes and tried to see who was all around him. 

Peter was passed out on the floor for some reason, Jubilee was asleep on one side of the couch… and Scott saw (Y/N), passed out with her head laying on a pillow. 

“Shit! (Y/N)!” He shook her, trying to get a reaction, but nothing happened. He repeated her name trying to undo her slumber until the other two woke. 

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked, hair tussled and eyes half-closed. 

“(Y/N) fell asleep on the couch!” Scott was panicking. He had one job— one job from Jubilee, “Make sure she only falls asleep in her bedroom or else she won’t wake up until March.”

 “Scott! Stop it!” Jubilee pulled him away from (Y/N)’s sleeping figure. “You could kill her!” 

“What—” He turned to Jubilee, “What do we do then?” 

“Peter, get Professor McCoy up here.” 

“But it’s 4 AM…” Jubilee gave him a deadly glare and he sped off. 

Scott was ordered to sit and be quiet while Peter got McCoy. 

“She fell asleep. She drank some of my soda earlier, causing her to not be tired. We thought we could get her sleepy by watching a movie, but we all fell asleep before she did…” Peter was giving Hank a 30-second recap, with 3000 words. 

“Peter, everything’s going to be fine.” Hank carefully scooped (Y/N) up in his arms, bridal style. He looked her over up close. Her skin looked pale, the leaves and flowers in her hair were gone, all that was left were dried twigs, and the vines usually wrapped around her legs were concealed by sweatpants, so he couldn’t take note on them. “I’m taking her to the medical bay. Everyone go to sleep, you can come back in the morning…” Hank glanced at the time, “You can come back later.” 

-

The three mutants walked to their rooms quietly. Jubilee made a stop at a bathroom to brush her teeth, while Peter and Scott went straight to their dorm. 

Peter used his speed to get changed and hop in bed. “I’ll leave the light on while you get changed.” Scott didn’t answer, he didn’t move. “Scott?”

“What if she dies?” His voice was barely above a whisper. 

“Jubilee said she’s been doing this for years, (Y/N)‘s not gonna die.” Scott still didn’t move, causing Peter to sit up and face his roommate better. “Everything will be okay. McCoy knows what to do, and this is no different than when bears go hibernate for the winter or when geese fly south. She’ll be fine.” 

“We don’t know that. If something interrupts her she could die—“ 

“She won’t.” Peter knew he knew, what Scott was thinking. Scott did what anyone would have done. Tried to jostle her awake, he didn’t know what else to do. 

“Do you know what it’s like?...” 

Peter hadn’t the slightest idea what Scott was referencing, he kept his mouth shut, trying to figure it out. 

“To have almost killed someone? Your parents arguing with theirs, lawsuits being threatened, your life could end before theirs and the doctors think they’re on borrowed time… How you know you deserve to be punished, and instead you’re just sent away, to be with more family and start new. You try to be better than you ever were, and people— they believe it. You deserve everything you’ve worked for… and then you go and fuck up! It’s one thing to have your mutation surface and have chunks of ceiling and a bathroom door put a school bully in a coma— but to hurt someone like (Y/N)?...” Scott’s voice trembled. His cheeks were covered in his tears. “If anything happens it’s going to be my fault. Warren’s going to blame me because everyone talks me up about how responsible I am and all these leadership qualities I have, that I actually don’t. Warren is going to kill me if she doesn’t wake up—“ He choked out a sob. 

Peter was quick to wrap the boy in his arms. “Hey, hey… shh… shh… You didn’t hurt her. She’s going to be fine. Hank picked her up and carried her to his lab and she did fine. You shaking her didn’t do anything.” Scott continued weeping. 

“How about you take a shower, and then we can go see her, okay?” Peter talked slower than ever before and with softness, enough to be gentle, but not so much you’d think Scott was a child. 

He nodded, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. 

“Okay, come on buddy…” 

-

Hank had carefully dressed her in a hospital gown and hooked her up to various equipment. Everything seemed normal for her coma-like state. He didn’t wake her up carrying her downstairs. 

Hank sat down in a chair next to her. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had no idea what to do. 

This had happened before, but Hank just kept her in his lab and he wouldn’t do anything until she woke up. Sometimes students would visit to see how she was doing… Most of the time they’d just whisper and watch her for a few minutes before leaving, some made jokes about how she needed Prince Charming to kiss and wake her up. 

Hank hesitated allowing Charles tell the team what happened. They wouldn’t be back for another week, and he didn’t want to cause a distraction for them. 

“Hey Doc,” Peter waved. Scott was standing next to him. 

Hank quickly put his glasses back on and stood up. “What are you doing awake? You should be asleep.” 

“Couldn’t sleep. Figured we could come by, see how (Y/N)’s doing.” 

“Yeah— she’s doing fine. Vitals are steady and her heartbeat is regular. All we have to do is wait.” Hank faked some optimism. He knew why they were there, and she was fine— except, Hank had no idea when she’d awake. 

“Did you tell Xavier what happened?” Scott asked. 

“Yeah, he knows. He said there’s nothing we can do until she wakes up. We have the option to wake her and keep her in the green room, but that’s easier said than done…” Scott looked pale. Hank cursed to himself for freaking the kid out. “Trust me, this is the best option for her.” Scott nodded. 

“Yeah… “ Peter tried to distract him. “Why don’t we eat some leftover cake?” 

“I’m not hungry Pete,” Scott answered.

“Well I am, and you’re not going to mope around down here. It’ll like, give (Y/N) a bad vibe. Come on.” Scott sighed and followed Peter out of the med bay. 

-

Twenty four days after Warren left

Warren was exhausted, Everyone was. The mission went smoothly, or smoothly as it could, considering the number of minor injuries everyone bore. 

“We’ve got a few more hours until we’re home,” Alex announced, checking in on the younger X-Men.

Ororo, Jean, and Kurt were playing go fish. Warren was watching, contributing nothing to the game but sarcastic comments and jokingly-judgemental looks. 

“Great, thanks,” They replied. 

Alex nodded and walked back to his seat in the cockpit. He pulled something small and rectangular out of his pocket. Warren carefully watched from the corner of his eye. 

Is that a cell phone? 

Cell phones weren’t allowed on missions. They were distractions, not to mention out of rage cellular fees were expensive— plus with modern technology comes tracking. Having something as minor as a cellphone on a mission could jeopardize the whole operation simply because someone wanted to use google maps and see where the nearest Starbucks was. 

“Alex?” 

“Yeah?” He stuck the object in his pocket. 

“What is that?” Warren kept his down, as to not alert the others.

“What?” 

“The thing in your pocket. What is it?” 

“Warren—“

Warren was pissed. “It’s a cellphone isn’t it?”

“It’s a burner phone. In case of an emergency—“

“Why’d you take it out?” 

“Hank texted me.” 

“Oh, great.” Warren spat, “You bring a phone on missions in case you miss your little boyfriend.” 

“Warren—“

“No!” He spoke out. At this point, everyone was watching. “You don’t get to break the rules and endanger the mission!”

“Warren, calm down.” 

“You can’t tell me—“ 

“Someone at the mansion got hurt, bird brain. That’s why Alex’s using the burner to text Hank.” Raven rolled her eyes. Dramatic much?

“What?”

No one knew this, not even Jean. They all tuned into the conversation. 

“Who did?”

“What happened?” 

“Everything’s fine.”Alex lied.

“No, it’s not. You wouldn’t be texting Hank if it was.”

Jean discreetly put two fingers to her temple, trying to figure out who got hurt. Raven saw her and glared, mentally telling her to stop.

“Sorry.”

“Everyone settle down. We have a few hours left until we’re back in Westchester. Just chill out until then.” 

Warren rolled his eyes and sat by himself, thinking Raven’s little distraction speech was stupid. 

He couldn’t help it— acting all childish— he missed (Y/N) and he really hated having to share a bed with Kurt on missions. Kurt’s tail got all tangled and Warren’s wings were cramped. 

It was different from when he’d cuddle with (Y/N). He’d wrap his wings around her, and she’d grow flowers in her sleep around them. It was soothing… He’d wake up refreshed, and looking at his wonderful girlfriend. Kurt was… a major downgrade… he was a decent roommate, but he couldn’t stand him as a bedmate. 

Warren yawned, making a note to sleep for ten years and hold (Y/N) while he did it, once he got back home. 

-

The basketball court came into view, and the ground caved in, letting Raven land the Jet in its hangar. Alex announced they were back and free to get off the ship. The rest of the team hastily grabbed their bags and ran out of the X-Jet. 

Outside waiting for them was Jubilee, Peter, and Scott. Hank wasn’t there.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Warren teased Alex. 

He didn’t respond.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Jean mocked Warren.

Warren did a double-take as Peter and Jubilee spoke to Raven and Ororo. (Y/N) wasn’t there. 

“Hey, guys.” The three that stayed behind looked up with guilty expressions on their face as soon as they looked at Warren. 

“Where’s (Y/N)?” He asked. 

No answer.

Warren asked again, but more concerned, “Guys, where’s (Y/N)?” 

“She’s not dead—“ Jubilee hit Peter and scolded him.

“What does that mean?” 

The group exchanged nervous eye contact. They weren’t sure how to explain it, but if they didn’t Warren was probably going to attempt murder. 

“She’s in what Hank calls a ‘dormant state’. Basically hibernation—“ Warren’s face visibly paled. “Except waking her up is way more complicated…” 

“So she’s in a coma?...” He asked.

“Yeah, basically…” Jubilee admitted.

“How did this happen?” 

“(Y/N)’s mutation, I thought she told you…”

“Told me what?” Jubilee didn’t answer him. “What, Jubilee?”

Alex put his hand on Warren’s shoulder. “Maybe Hank should explain it…”

-

“So she won’t wake up until March?” 

“April at the latest,” Hank answered. 

“And you let this happen?” He turned to Jubilee, Scott, and Peter. They were terrified of what Warren might do. 

“No, no, they didn’t,” Hank defended them. “Her body just does this. It’s no different than that time of month…” 

“A period isn’t four months long,” Warren mumbled. 

“Let’s give him a moment alone with her.” Hank ushered everyone out, shutting the door behind him. 

Warren sank in the chair next to (Y/N)’s body. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Fuck,” He mumbled. “Fuck, fuck,” Tears welled in his eyes. “Fuck!” He screamed. He put his fist up to his mouth to muffle his sobs. 

“How could… Why didn’t she tell me?” Warren looked at (Y/N)’s figure. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” 

Warren felt his heart breaking. She looked so… so dead. 

But she wasn’t. She wasn’t dead but she wouldn’t wake until March.

 It was December. 

“Hank said… he said, we could wake you up, but there’s a chance you’ll die. And I’d rather have you like this than dead…” He turned away and mouthed cursed under his breath. 

Warren didn’t know what to do. Sure, he wasn’t necessarily one of those clingy boyfriends, whose only life purpose is to serve his girlfriend… but he really liked her. 

He wanted to spend more time with her than he ever could. She understood when he had nightmares or needed space. They never fought— their biggest disagreement was on a stupid homework problem. 

She made earrings out of some of his metal feathers, he learned how to take care of all kinds of plants. She showed him how to be compassionate and kind, he showed her how to be assertive and throw a decent punch. 

Peter teased him all the time, saying he was “in loooove,” dragged out o and everything. He’d always tell him to shut up or piss off. 

Because maybe he was in love with her. 

“But I’m her first boyfriend.” 

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be her first love.” 

“That means I’ll hurt her…” Warren’s voice cracked. “I don’t wanna hurt her…” 

He didn’t know she’d hurt him.

-

Warren wasn’t allowed to sit at (Y/N)’s side all day, or even all week. He had work to make up for when he was in Italy— homework, mid-terms, laundry, post-mission exam— not to mention Christmas was in five days.

He tried to keep himself busy in the first two days, and he overachieved everything he had to do. Which inevitably, left him with nothing to do. 

“God, you look miserable,” Peter commented when Warren made his way into the kitchen, bags under his eyes, messy bed-head hair, sweatpants hung low, and a wrinkly t-shirt. 

“I stayed up, deep cleaning my closet. I’ve got some stuff I’m gonna donate.” 

“That’s nice.” Jean curtly commented. 

Nobody knew what to say. They weren’t sure what would trigger Warren. 

“We were all gonna see Knives Out,” Scott said. “A day off for everyone, chance to get last-minute gifts…” 

“Not interested.” Warren poured himself a bowl of cornflakes. 

“Come on,” Jubilee almost begged. “You haven’t left the mansion at all in the past few days.” 

“I have stuff to do.” He poured milk into his bowl. 

“Warren, you deep cleaned your closet at midnight. You have nothing to do and this will keep you occupied for a while.” Jubilee pointed out.

He was tired, “I don’t want to leave the mansion. What if something happens—“ 

“(Y/N)’s going to be fine.” 

Warren held his spoon tightly in his fist. “That’s what I thought before I went to Italy— Look at her now! She’s in a coma.”

“She’ll wake up in the spring,” Kurt offered up to calm Warren down. 

“This could have been prevented. I should have been here—“ Warren felt himself breakdown. He started crying, and no one knew what to do. Ororo got up from her seat and hugged him. He sobbed into her shoulder. 

Ororo gave him words of comfort, “It’s okay, this is normal for her. Distance will do you good. Everything’s going to be okay… You should get out, get fresh air.” 

Warren nodded and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, “Uh-huh.” 

“Come see the movie with us,” She suggested. 

“Okay, yeah… I’ll— I’ll go get ready.” He put his bowl in the sink and went out of the kitchen.

“Holy shit.” Peter’s eyes were wide with shock. “He’s a mess!” 

Jubilee swatted him with her hand, “Hush! He’s clearly upset… His girlfriend’s in hibernation until March.” 

“Yeah, but like, he just started crying,” Peter stated. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Warren cry before… He just looked so broken, like, holy shit. I don’t think I was that upset when I got cheated on by my girlfriend, junior year on prom night…”  The worst part is, we could have prevented this.” 

“I think I’m gonna puke,” Scott mumbled. 

“Hey!” Ororo chasted the two boys. “I don’t care what happened while we were gone, but you’re both acting pathetic. This is no one’s fault! Get your heads out of your asses and be there for Warren.” 

“We should wake her up…” Everyone looked at Scott like he was crazy. 

“And risk killing her?” Ororo asked. 

“Yeah, no,” Peter answered. “Romeo may follow suit.” 

-

Warren didn’t want to go outside, but he needed to keep busy, or else he’d start crying again. 

He was a mess— he knew Kurt was tired of him staying up all night, doing anything and everything to keep busy… but when he closed his eyes he was face to face with nightmares— (Y/N)’s practically lifeless body lying in the hospital bed, her never waking up, or if she did she’d have amnesia and not remember anyone. 

Warren couldn’t sleep, but staying up all night would eventually take its toll on him, or he’d run out of things to do. 

Warren got changed and quickly ran downstairs to the medical bay. He wanted to check on (Y/N) before he left. 

“How is she?” 

“Same as she has been for the past few days,” Hank answered. “Everything’s normal, and she’s doing fine— great actually.” 

Warren nodded, “Um, I just wanted to see how she was doing. I’m going out with the other X-Men… we’re seeing Knives Out… Ororo said it’d be a good idea for me to get out of the mansion.” 

Hank blinked and then frowned in thought. “Yeah, she’s right. However, you seem to be doing really well, considering the situation. You haven’t spent all your time down here, but you do visit. You haven’t acted out with a huge wave of impulse emotions, but getting out for a little bit would be great for you.” 

Warren bit his tongue, holding back from telling Hank the truth about how he was doing. “Yeah… I’ll um, see you later.” 

-

Warren zoned out in the middle of the movie for a few minutes and had to ask Kurt what happened. 

“Police chased them down.” 

“Ah, okay.” Warren nodded. He glanced at his other friends. Scott had an arm around Jean, and they were cuddling, practically on top of each other, in the big recliners. Jubilee bought sour patch kids and was sharing the bag with Ororo. Peter and Kurt were really engrossed in the movie, and Warren was just kind of there… 

He was lonely— The movie was good, and he was enjoying it— but Warren as a whole was lonely.

He put up the hard “I don’t need anybody,” exterior to protect himself from hurt. His poor relationship with his parents caused him to be cautious and made it hard for him to develop a steady healthy relationship with any authority figures in his life. His cage fighting days taught him, he was alone, and nobody was ever going to love him, and he’d have to fight to get anywhere in life. 

Obviously, that proved to be false— he found confinement in Alex, (and sometimes Hank), as the older brother he never had. The community in the mansion proved he didn’t have to be so alone, and (Y/N) made him realize love is not some made-up fantasy, concocted in Disney’s headquarters. 

(Y/N) felt like his best friend on most occasions, and while he had all his other friends, her being gone made him feel so empty inside. 

-

On Christmas Eve he moped around in Scott and Peter’s room, one earbud in listening to sad music.

Scott wasn’t even there— he was doing God knows what with Jean, and Peter was playing Pac-Man. 

“You can hang out with me tomorrow if you want. I don’t celebrate Christmas.” 

“I’m good.” Warren knew Peter would probably run home and mess around with his sisters and mom, or awkwardly hang around the mansion, trying to find Erik and tell him about their relationship. 

“Dude,” He awkwardly chuckled. “Okay, look— um, I know, nothing I say can fix the situation, but if you want to talk I’m here.” 

Warren paused his music. “What was the last thing she said?”

Peter was awestruck, “She’s not dead!” 

“I know—“

“She’s in a coma that she’s going to wake up from! She didn’t die.”

“I know that! I just want to know what she said before she went into the coma…” 

Peter felt guilty for jumping to conclusions. Warren seemed so defeated, like a kicked puppy. “We were watching a crappy zombie movie on tv… and it was like, really bad, and we were mostly complaining about how bad it was. The last thing I remember was she said something about how the prosthetics sucked and she could have done it better with some mint leaves and slime.” 

The corner of Warren’s lip rose up slightly. Typical (Y/N), but she was probably right. 

“Wanna play Pac-Man with me?” 

Warren sat up, “Sure.” 

-

“He just started crying, like— I’ve never seen anyone so upset, and I thought you were dead at one point!” Scott was frazzled in Hank’s lab with Alex, Jubilee, Jean, Ororo, and Kurt. 

“He seemed fine when he came down to visit her the other day.” Scott gave Hank a disbelieving look. “Well if he’s crying over little things, obviously he’s extremely stressed out and I’m not going to push him.” 

Scott glanced in the direction of (Y/N)’s area in the lab, “Maybe we should wake her up.”

“Are you crazy?!” Jubilee asked. “She could die from that—“

“She probably won’t though… (Y/N) being unconscious has made Warren, everyone on edge.”

“You want an easy way out of this,” Jubilee raised her voice as she kept speaking, “If you really cared about how Warren was, you’d be trying to comfort him best you can despite your half-assed friendship!”

“It’s our fault she’s like this, Jubes! We were supposed to make sure she didn’t fall asleep anywhere besides her room, and we couldn’t do it.” 

“Scott, she was getting weaker every day, this would have happened no matter what—“

His voice got louder, yet he was practically shaking, “No, we had the most simple task in the world! And we couldn’t do it! We’re the X-Men and we couldn’t even keep a girl from falling asleep!”

Jean hugged Scott, running her fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault. She does this every year— and it’s not like you ignored her.”

“What if it was you instead? I’d be just like Warren…”

“Don’t say that—” She kissed the top of his head. “You’d be fine.” 

“I think we should discuss this with Warren and the Professor before we do anything, drastic.” Hank’s final words were clearly aimed at Scott. 

-

“We can wake her up…” 

Everyone was still in the lab, but this time Warren and Professor Xavier were present. Warren didn’t move, he was focused on what Hank was telling him and what it actually meant. 

“But… she could die if not done correctly. Waking up an animal early out of hibernation could kill it, but getting a plant out of its dormant season would just weaken it, if done too quickly though, it could kill the plant.” 

“Hank,” Charles rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I thought we agreed, when (Y/N) goes dormant, we do not disturb her. We agreed with her parents several years ago.” 

“Yeah, but that was when she was a kid. She’s older now, and everyone’s distraught. Her boyfriend—“

“Oh, please,” Charles scoffed. “If I got on my knees and tried to align the stars every time Erik got hurt, there wouldn’t even be a school.” 

“Cut the crap. You and Erik fight and make up like some divorced couple in a soap opera. When Erik gets hurt, you’re always the first to know.” 

Xavier didn’t say anything out loud, he just glared. 

“Um, personally, uh, sorry,” Warren awkwardly cut in. “I think if (Y/N) might die if we wake her up, then it’s not worth it. And if her parents agreed, letting her sleep is the best thing, then it probably is.” 

Warren didn’t even want to think about her folks. Could you imagine? Their daughter dies because some dumb goth boy couldn’t handle her taking a three-month-long nap without him. Yeah, that’d impress them.

Charles clapped his hands together, “Well, there! It’s settled then. (Y/N) is fine as she is. I know this is upsetting for her to not be present around the holidays, but we can all assume she would want us to have fun and be kind to others, showing compassion and always helping those in need.”

-

Warren couldn’t sleep. He was restless in bed— too hot, then too cold, he’d have the beginnings of a nightmare or no dream at all— he was sure Kurt would have kicked him out by now if he hadn’t made the decision to sleep in Peter and Scott’s room for the night. 

His tossing and turning made him have to pee. He got up and went over to the bathroom. 

Looking in the mirror as he dried his hands he sighed. Warren looked so tired, but he didn’t know what to do. 

For the first time since Germany, he truly felt alone. 

-

He grabbed the two gifts stored under his bed and he quietly walked down the halls. 

None of the doors were locked, it was almost too easy for him to get into Hank’s lab. 

He flicked on the light switch, even though he didn’t need to. Her sleeping figure made his heart almost burst out of his chest. Warren felt so awkward standing there. 

He set the gifts down on a chair and walked over to (Y/N). 

“Hi…” No response. “Um, I don’t know if you can hear me… but like, Jubilee and Kurt watch all those soaps and they always have characters talking to people in comas so I figured, maybe, just maybe, you could hear something… anyway, um… I miss you. I really miss you and I wish you’d said something about all this…” He sat on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, with homework and chores and training. It’s been driving Kurt crazy that I’m up all the time, but I can’t sleep most nights…”

He paused for a moment, for the thought of, Am I crazy? Flashed through his brain. 

“I got you that fancy water filtered you wanted for Christmas… along with some mollisol soil in a jar…” He huffed in amusement while glancing at the gifts. “Peter made fun of me. He said, “No girl wants a jar of dirt for Christmas.” But I know you’d be happy with it— trying to divide it equally among every plant in your room, your eyes lighting up when you see improvements in them…” Warren looked at (Y/N) and smiled sadly. 

“We haven’t even been dating for a whole year, but it feels like it’s been forever…” His eyes watered and his voice faltered, “And that’s love… Isn’t it?... Everyone tells me something different, but— I think I love you. No— I know I love you. I love you and, and, I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do while you’re here. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and see everyone all happy like nothing’s wrong— or Scott kissing Jean when he thinks no one’s looking if I can’t put my arm around you and pull you closer and give him a look that states we’re a cuter couple…” Warren almost laughed at himself. His dumb competition with Scott. 

“I know you’d want me to pretend like nothing’s wrong because it isn’t— but it is… I don’t know what to do…”

-

Kurt knocked on the door of his room the next morning. “Warren! Merry Christmas!” No response. 

“I need to brush my teeth.” Still no answer. 

Kurt opened the door himself, “Warren?” The room was empty. “Where are you?” 

“Hey, Kurt,” Scott peaked in, still in pajamas. “Everything alright?”

“Warren’s gone.” 

“He’s probably downstairs already. Peter and Jubilee are, I bet he’s with them.” 

“Oh. You’re probably right.” Scott bid him goodbye and went to Jean’s room. Kurt still couldn’t get the feeling that Scott was wrong out of his system. 

-

Hank and Alex were headed down to the lab, giggling and acting like kids sneaking around. 

“Alex,” Hank breathed in between laughs, “I just wanna check on (Y/N).” 

“I know,” He managed between the kisses he left all over Hank’s neck. 

“Give me five minutes. Then we can join the others.” 

Alex frowned as Hank opened the door. “I want to be alone with you.” 

“Wasn’t this morning enough?” Hank joked. 

Alex rolled his eyes and hugged Hank from behind. 

Hank smiles and walked into the med Bay Area, where (Y/N) was put. 

He was shocked, to say the least. Alex too. 

“Did he wake her?” Alex whispered. 

“I don’t think so. Her heart rate hasn’t changed.”

Alex gently shook Warren’s shoulder, “Hey, kid, time to get up.” 

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes, squinting to adjust to the light. “Mmmmhmmmggg…” 

“Merry Christmas.” Hank teased as he looked over (Y/N)’s vitals. 

“Shit.” Warren rubbed his eyes, “Did I fall asleep?” 

“Yeah.” 

“When did you come down here? I went upstairs at around eleven.” Hank commented. 

“You got into our room at 11:37 PM.” Alex corrected him. 

“Uhh, I don’t remember…” Warren was too tired to think. He wanted to get something to eat and go back to bed. He didn’t want to see everyone messing around the tree Charles got the younger students to set up. He wanted to go back to sleep right in bed with (Y/N), but he knew Hank wouldn’t let him. 

“Everyone’s upstairs,” Hank said.

“I know,” Warren said back.

Alex was preoccupied with his phone. Scott kept texting him where he was— for being the younger brother, he acted like an older one.

“Look, uh, I don’t want to overstep anything—” Hank said somewhat quietly to Warren. “I know we’re not that close, but—“

Warren shot him down, “I don’t need to talk to anyone. But thanks for the offer, Hank.” 

Hank pushes his glasses up his nose, “No, it’s not that… When Alex was presumed dead, and we found his body and he was in a coma… I was an emotional wreck. I spent all my time down here, worried he’d wake up any second, or never wake up, or wake up and not remember who I am… We weren’t even dating at the time. I was just so heartbroken because I wasted literal decades avoiding him and my feelings and— sorry. Sorry. I got off track… the point is, I get it. I’m not going to judge you for coming down at night to sleep with her.” 

“Just, just don’t tell anyone about this, okay?” 

Hank nodded understandingly. 

“Whatcha guys talking about?” Alex got up and wrapped an arm around Hank. 

“How much I love you,” Hank stated matter of factly. 

Alex chuckled and kissed Hank’s cheek. “Don’t bother him with that. I’m sure Warren doesn’t want to hear you talk about our relationship.” 

“I don’t care,” Warren told him. 

“Still— go upstairs. Scott and Kurt think you got kidnapped or something.” 

“Alright, alright,” Warren had to laugh, “I will.” 

“We’ll meet you up there.” 

Neither of the older men spoke until the door shut. 

“He loves her.” 

“Hmm?” Alex looked at Hank curiously. 

“Warren, he loves (Y/N).” Alex hummed in agreement.

“They’re good for each other.” 

-

Warren walked into the common room while chaos was in full motion. 

Kurt was teleporting from place to place in the room, Ororo was focusing on making it snow outside, surprisingly, Peter was asleep on the couch, and Jean and Scott were cuddled under a blanket by the fireplace, obviously feeling each other up.

“Warren!” Kurt jumped down and landed at his feet. “Where have you been?”

He shrugged, “Workout.” 

“Okay…” Kurt wasn’t convinced, but 

“Hey, Warren! I made these brownies, they’re really good—“ She handed him one. “Here!” 

“Uh, thanks.” He took a bite out of it. Gooey. Rich chocolate flavor. Yet, it also crumbled. Not half bad. 

Warren smiled and nodded, telling Jubilee it was delicious. She was thrilled. 

After a round of greetings to everyone, Warren sat on the couch next to Peter. “There’s a present for you…” He murmured, half asleep.

Warren furrowed his brows and looked at the tree. There was one gift left. The wrapping paper was black, with two silver bows on it. Warren smiled sadly at it, as he held it in his arms.

“Aww… It’s you!” Peter teased. Warren laughed a little, before opening it. 

It was a box. Obviously, not empty. Warren removed the lid and looked through it. Inside was a disposable camera, an empty photo book, and a letter. He grabbed the letter first and read it.

Warren, 

If you’re reading this, I’m either dormant or will be soon. I didn’t tell you anything about it because I’m scared. I’m scared you’d want to break up because I’m not conscious for part of the year. To most people, I’m sure it’d be a major turn off. But as Jubilee sometimes puts it, you’re ‘a little too attached’ to me to break up with me over a long nap. :) Or at least I hope so. 

Anyway, I don’t want you moping over me the whole time, because you’ll just be sad and closed off and lose a lot of progress in your mental health. And I worry about you. I’ll be worrying about you quite a bit while I’m hibernating. 

Uh, I can also hear everything you say to me. In case you wanna chat. I can’t say anything back, but it’s nice to listen. 

I got you the camera and photobook to give you something to do. When I wake up you can catch me up on everything I missed. Take some pictures, save some memes for me, make a playlist of songs you think I’d like, movies I need to watch— Jubilee did it my first year here, and I liked it. I didn’t feel like I was wasting my time sleeping… I sometimes feel that way— I could do schoolwork, or spend time with my plants that still trudge through winter, or hang out with my friends… don’t feel sad, this is a normal bodily function… for me… You’re gonna think it sucks, which is kind of does, but I’ll try to make up for lost time… I love you…

(Y/N)

Warren couldn’t read the last few words, they’d been scratched out. He rubbed his eye, trying not to cry. 

“What’d you get?” Peter asked. 

“Uh, camera… So (Y/N)’s got photos for when she wakes up…”

“Aww…” Peter cooed. “That’s so cute— Hey guys! Let’s get a group photo!”

“Peter, I don’t— I don’t think that’s necessary—” 

“Too bad!” Peter snatched the camera from Warren’s hands and started motioning and yelling at people to get in the frame. “I used to use these all the time as a kid— these little disposable cameras. I loved them!” Peter pressed the button, and a light flashed for a moment. He turned the dial on it and then handed it back to Warren. “You know how to use these, right?” 

“Uh…” 

“Great! You’ve totally got this.” 

Peter was gone in a flash, leaving Warren alone. 

He huffed, what was he really going to do with a camera? He didn’t want to bring his girlfriend up to speed with pop culture and all the drama she missed. He wanted to live through it all with her.

But he couldn’t… 

-

Warren went back downstairs to the lab. Nobody stopped him from leaving or even asked where he was going. It was like he had no value in the group without (Y/N), just someone they tolerated, if that even. 

He wanted to scream, knowing she could hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t find his voice… no words came out… just tears… 

He fell down to the floor and cried. That’s all he could do. 

You’re so weak! Pathetic! You can’t spend a moment away from her and you cry like a fucking baby! You don’t deserve her… 

His sobs were the only things you could hear in the room.

-

New Year’s came and gone. The X-Men threw a party. Warren took a photo since he knew (Y/N) would have wanted to be there. 

He didn’t want to be there. Soon as he took his photo he wanted to leave. He never liked parties, not as a kid, not in Berlin, and not when he came to the mansion— until he started dating (Y/N). 

She got invited to several parties. Some were just dorm get-togethers with different groups of kids, others were house parties from the kids at the public school down the road, some were like this… real parties. She always wanted Warren with her when she went, and he never said no. He didn’t always enjoy them, but he didn’t mind. If (Y/N) had a good time, so did he. 

But here Warren was, moping in the corner of Xavier’s ballroom. 

-

He didn’t leave his room on Valentine’s day, despite still having classes. He trained for three hours a day, not including the group workouts and training required for all members of the X-Men. 

He volunteered to go on more missions. He didn’t want to be stuck in the mansion for more than two days at a time. No one objected, he was a valuable member of the team, and the more experience the better he would get. 

He was to go to London for three weeks with Ororo, Hank, Jean, and Scott.

Jean and Scott were excited because this just meant they’d somehow end up in a hotel room alone together at night, while everyone else was sleeping.

Warren was not too thrilled, as he was jealous. No need to sugarcoat it. Warren was jealous that Scott got Jean all 365 days of the year, that he never had to be away from her for more than a week, that they could flaunt their relationship and how happy they were together. 

It made his stomach churn, but there was nothing he could do. 

-

“I’m going to London for a few days… If I meet Harry Styles I’ll tell him you’re a fan…” (Y/N) laid in bed, lifeless. Warren tucked his hair behind his ears, making a note to get a haircut soon. “I’m going with Scott, Jean, and Ororo…” 

He hated this. He hated talking to her, knowing she could hear him but not say anything back. It was different the few days before Christmas, but now it was all just a mess. 

“Bye.” He threw his duffle bag over his shoulder and walked out. 

One week. 

One week with no cell phones, no homework, nothing. Sure, Warren would probably have to punch a few bad guys, but other than that he just wanted to sleep. He didn’t really care for much anymore. He tried his best to stay engaged and involved, keep himself busy, but it was extremely challenging.

A five-hour flight, with nothing to do.

“You guys excited?” Hank asked.

“Yeah!” 

“Definitely.” 

“I’m hoping I can use some new moves Mystquie’s been teaching me.”

“Mhmm…” Warren mumbled. 

Hank glanced at him. He looked depressing. 

“We’re in London for a week, I bet we’ll have some time to do sightseeing or go out.” 

“Ooo!” Jean nudged Scott. “That’ll be fun, right babe?”

He nodded, “Oh yeah.”

Warren brought Peter’s walkman with him, and put in his earbuds and closed his eyes, assumingly taking a nap.

-

Once they arrived and checked into their rooms, Warren was still tired. He wanted to take another nap. 

“So, I think we should go out tonight—” Hank handed everyone their room keys, “—You guys have been working really hard, and not much praise is given by Alex or Raven, or Erik when he occasionally shows up… but we’re proud of you.” 

“Aww…” “Thanks, Hank…” 

Warren just offered a smile.

“We can unpack and get changed if you guys want, we can go out and get some dinner?”

Everyone thought Hank’s plan was good, and they separated into their rooms.

“You doing okay?” Scott asked while unpacking his bag. 

“Yeah… Why?”

“You didn’t say anything the whole ride here.”

“I took a nap,” Warren unzipped his bag.

“Oh.” 

“I’m not going to unexpectedly burst into tears.” Warren snapped.

“I didn’t say you were—” 

“Everyone thinks I am, I’m not stupid. I know you think I’m emotionally unstable and Hank’s been acting all nice on this mission because of it.” 

“Are you?” 

“What?” 

Scott sat down on his bed, “Are you emotionally unstable?”

Warren glared at him, “I’ve been working my ass off for this mission. I’ve trained longer and harder than anybody else. Do I look unstable to you?” 

“No! I just thought—” 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna shower and get dressed for dinner.” He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

-

Hank had asked the woman at the front desk a good place to eat. She recommended some local place down the road. He rounded up the kids, despite there only being four of them.

“A night out will do us good.” 

“You’ve been saying that,” Warren mumbled. 

“You didn’t have to come you know,” Ororo stated. 

“I have nothing better to do with my time.”

Ororo kept her mouth shut, knowing she could have said something back, but knowing Warren, it was better not to.

-

The restaurant was pretty crowded, despite it being the middle of the week, but the group still managed to get a table. 

Their server was friendly. They got drinks. They ordered their food. 

“You okay, Warren?” Hank noticed he hardly touched his food.

“Mhmm… Just not that hungry. I’ll probably get a box.” 

“Oh, okay,” Hank nodded, a little unsure. 

-

They left the restaurant and went back to the hotel. Warren took his shirt off and laid on his bed. 

“I’m gonna hang out with Jean… You gonna be okay?”

Warren let out a breathy laugh, “Yeah, yeah. Go have fun, Cyclops… I’m going to bed.” 

Warren couldn’t sleep. He didn’t really want to. He turned on the tv, trying to find something to watch. 

Someone knocked on the door while he was in the middle of some cooking show. Warren got up and opened his door. “Hey, Ro.” 

“Hey, Jean kicked me out. Wanna go for a swim in the pool?”

“Sure.”

He quickly got changed and followed Ororo downstairs.

The got into the elevator and were quiet at first.

“I think they have a hot tub.”

“Cool.” 

Ororo glanced at Warren and sighed. “I’m here for you if you want to talk.”

He nodded, “I know.” 

“For real. You’re allowed to talk about your feelings.”

“I don’t want to.”

Ororo sighed, “Warren…” 

 He looked back at her. “I want this all to be over.”  

“(Y/N)—”

“It’s not fair! Everyone in my life has left me or used me somehow— and I know she’s different, but it’s not fair! I was so happy with her and—” 

The elevator stopped. It wasn’t their floor. The doors opened the reveal a young woman. She had a familiar glow to her and leaves in her hair. 

Warren looked at her, feeling lightheaded at seeing her.

“(Y/N)?”

-

Warren woke up in his hotel bed. He wasn’t sure how he got there. He didn’t even remember going to the pool with Ororo. All he could remember was her. 

(Y/N).

He looked over to his left and saw Scott peacefully asleep in his bed, sleep mask on and everything. The TV was off, and so were all the lights. Warren couldn’t go back to bed, it wasn’t an option. 

He quietly got out of bed and slipped on his shoes, slowly opening the door, as to not wake Scott.

He went out to the halls. He had no plan, no idea where he was going, but he needed to get out. 

He walked around, lost in the halls late at night. He wasn’t tired, but he was upset. He didn’t want to keep crying, he didn’t want to be so dependent on (Y/N), but without her— 

The sound of thunder interrupted his thoughts. He looked outside and saw it was raining. It reminded him of (Y/N)— without her, all it did was rain and snow. 

-

Hank said they were looking for someone. Someone Xaiver wanted to bring back to the mansion. This type of mission was more stealth and would require little physical fighting. 

Hank got told from an anonymous source she’d be at some socialite gathering.

“Scott, Jean, you’re going to pretend to be some young, rich, American couple. Get in there, find our target, and get her alone. Convince her to come back with us if that doesn’t work let us know on the comms.” 

“What does she look like?” 

“Her name is Betsy Braddock—” Hank pulled up a file with all her information on his tablet. 

“What does Xavier want with her?” Warren asked, anger rising in his tone. 

Betsy… She left him to die in Egypt. She got him wrapped up in the Apocalypse cult nonsense. He didn’t want to see her again, he didn’t want to see her ever. 

“She knows something about the attacks in Italy we dealt with around Christmas, plus she’s somewhat telepathic… I know your past with her is messy, but—”

“It’s fine. I don’t care.” Everyone looked at Warren, surprised at his statement. 

“Alright. You guys know what to do— Jean, Scott, get dressed and ready for the party. I’ll get you an uber— Ororo, Warren, You guys are going to a hideout location not far from the location of the party, in case backup is needed. I’m going to stay and operate things here. 

-

The first few hours of the mission went as expected. Jean and Scott made small talk with people, trying to find Betsy. 

Warren didn’t want to see her, or more, he didn’t want her to see him in his current emotional state. But it didn’t matter what he wanted. He argued and insisted on joining this mission, and now he could see why Xavier was hesitant to let him go.

“I see her,” Jean said. “She’s not with anyone.” 

Jean’s earpiece was quiet after that. 

Warren and Ororo sat there for what felt like forever. Jean and Scott talked occasionally, but it was never directly to them. 

The young couple eventually lured Betsy into an empty room.

“You didn’t really bring me up here to sleep with me, did you?” She asked, messing with her hair in the slight reflection from a window. 

Jean shook her head, “No. But we want you to come back with us… You’ve heard of Charles Xavier…” 

Betsy nodded. 

“He wants you to help him with the attacks on the mutant community in southern Italy.” 

“What will he give me in return?” Scott and Jean exchanged a quick glance. They weren’t exactly sure. 

Scott’s voice faltered slightly, “You can…”

Jean finished his sentence. “—You can discuss that with him when we get to New York.” 

Betsy turned her head to look at them, “And what if I say no?”

“We’ll chase you down until you do,” Scott stated with more confidence than before.

“Alright. I’ll go with you.” 

-

Betsy had no idea Warren was in London, or even alive for that matter. Warren had no idea how she was going to react, and he didn’t really want to find out. 

But he didn’t really have an option. 

“Give us time to pack up and we can leave for Westchester,” Jean explained in the ride back to the hotel. 

“Who else is with you?” 

“Dr. McCoy is back at the hotel, and Ororo and Warren should be there too.” Betsy’s expression changed. “You probably know them as—”

“I know exactly who they are. I thought Warren died…”

Scott shook his head, “Nope. He’s doing great.” Scott blinked away the uncertainty hidden behind his words. 

Betsy nodded, unsure what to say. She thought about maybe jumping out of the car, and never seeing these people again. She knew Warren would be angry when he saw her. She couldn’t blame him. 

“He’s not upset with you…” Betsy looked at Jean, a bit shocked. “He’s hurting from something else… Don’t ask about it… just trust me...” 

“Easy for you to say.” Betsy scoffed.

Jean shook her head, “You’ll see…”

“We’re here.” The driver stopped the car and the three got out. 

Betsy looked up at the hotel the group was staying at, “Nice place.” 

They walked in and headed to the nearest elevator. Jean was fidgeting with the comm in her ear. 

“We got back about twenty minutes ago,” Ororo said.

“We’re on our way to our rooms,” Jean replied.

The elevator dinged, signaling it was at the destined floor.

-

They packed up quickly, and stood out in the hall, bags in hand. 

Hank introduced himself to Betsy. Her response was short, she was preoccupied with her ex-boyfriend standing less than five feet away from her. 

“Hi.”

He looked sad and more tired than usual. Seeing him sober was mind-blowing to Betsy, but people change. She hadn’t seen him in a few years— sure they saw each other during the Apocalypse incident, but that was a few days— she was really going to see him this time. 

He didn’t respond to her. She frowned. 

The plane ride was long and tedious. Betsy had nothing to do and wanted nothing more than to leave. So, she decided to try and talk to Warren again.

“Hey.” He turned his head around best he could and looked at Betsy questioningly. She nodded. “What’s up?”

“Not much.” Warren wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk.

“Cool… Cool…” 

There was a pause before Warren spoke up, “Do you need anything?” 

“Just wanted to talk…” 

“You have other options.” 

Betsy rolled her eyes. 

“I don’t really wanna talk to you right now… And I don’t need you poking around in my head either.” 

“I wasn’t going to,” She said calmly. 

Warren didn’t respond. Betsy sighed, he was useless. Warren wasn’t going to talk even if she forced him. And she couldn’t really blame him, but she had a lingering feeling in her stomach. 

Probably just my dinner digesting… 

-

At some point, Betsy fell asleep, for when the plane landed Hank had to wake her up. She rubbed her eyes and undid her seatbelt. 

“Do we have to go through security again?” Scott asked. 

“Yeah, we left the country,” Hank told him while glancing at his watch.

Scott was not too thrilled. Everyone was tired to some degree. It was extremely late, and they went back a few hours due to the time zone.

“It won’t be that long. There’s hardly anyone here.” 

Everyone went through security and headed to the baggage claim to get their stuff. 

Jean was the first to get her suitcase— a medium-sized, teal one— Warren was next, and his was all black, to no one’s surprise, but the nametag on it looked drastic tied to the handle. 

It was clear, with glitter and flowers trapped inside it. It didn’t seem like Warren at all to Betsy, but what did she know? 

-

Hank took Betsy to an empty room and told her she could sleep there for the time being. She set her bags on the floor and looked around. There was a dated-looking wallpaper upon the walls, and the bed took up a little under half of the room. 

It was alright. 

Betsy rummaged through her bag for some pajamas when she heard footsteps. 

Hank had left almost immediately after he showed her the room, so it couldn’t be him. She opened the door only to see Warren walking down the hall. She quietly followed him, staying several steps behind. 

He went down to the main floor, and even further down into the basement. 

This place is huge! Betsy said to herself. 

The basement looked different from the rest of the mansion, for the walls and floor were made of metal. 

Warren turned right, into a room within the basement. Betsy held her breath as she got closer. 

What is he doing down here?

Betsy caught sight of a girl laying in a hospital bed. Warren sat down next to her and started talking… 

That’s why he’s on edge…  Betsy had accidentally bumped into something, making a loud noise. 

Warren shot up, “Who’s there?” 

Betsy tried to sneak out, but Warren caught her.

“Betsy!” 

She froze. 

“Why were you following me?”

“Why are you visiting a coma patient at three in the morning?” She asked back.

“She’s my girlfriend.” 

“I mean I figured as much—”

“So leave.” He cut her off and was sharp. “Please…” He pleaded more in his last word.

She looked at her unconscious figure, “I could help…” 

“No,” He was stern.

“I could—” “—You’d kill her.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” She defended.

“Yeah, you would. Her mutation makes her basically hibernate until March, so she’s fine.”

“I could still help— I’ve helped you before…”

“No, you didn’t! You were constantly going in and out of my life whenever it was convenient for you and came back when I didn’t need you too! You— you ruined my life!”

Betsy felt a wave of guilt wash over her.

“Look…” Warren sighed.  “Betsy… I’m sorry. I don’t want your help… I don’t want you to hurt her.” 

Betsy nodded, she knew Warren wasn’t going to change his mind. 

“Okay.” 

“What?”

“I won’t help you.” She left the medical room, leaving Warren alone with his thoughts.

-

Over the next few days, Betsy accommodated herself to the mansion, giving Xavier the information he wanted, and exploring the grounds. 

She was almost always accompanied by Jubilee, per some people’s request, seeing as her past wasn’t spotless. 

Jubilee was full of energy, and always willing to tell Betsy whatever she asked about. 

“Who’s Warren’s girlfriend?”

“Her name is (Y/N). She controls plants. She can also grow them from her body. And her eyes change color based on her mood… She’s uh, she’s not around at the moment, but that’s not important.” 

Betsy nodded along as Jubilee spoke. “Is he happy?” 

“Do you miss him?” 

Betsy struggled to let out a straight answer, “No— ugh— I just— I ruined his life.” 

“You didn’t ruin his life!” Betsy glared at her. “Okay, okay, maybe you kind of did ruin his life, but he’s fine now. He’s just a little on edge you’re here and (Y/N) isn’t.” 

“I don’t need to stay here—” 

“Bullshit!” Jubilee exclaimed.  “You’ve got nowhere else to go, really.”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

-

Betsy was rarely ever alone. She was too busy helping the X-Men. 

She had a few moments to herself though. She was never sure what to do. She couldn’t just up and leave and go out to some bar and sulk in a corner and come back drunk and angry— that’d paint her as extremely irresponsible. She didn’t want to bore or impose on the X-Men if she didn’t have to. 

She wandered around the mansion. It was massive and somewhat old and stuffy looking, but also gave off those classic school vibes.

Betsy wandered into the basement at some point and quickly learned, that was where the X-Men trained, made battle and mission plans, stored their jet, Hank worked on costumes and more in his lab, and where their medical bay was kept. 

She knew she shouldn’t be down there alone. Betsy wasn’t going to do anything bad, but it felt wrong. 

She was watching a girl in a coma sleep. There were so many things wrong about that. 

Of course, no one would really care, except for maybe Warren— but he had every good reason to.

“You keep visiting me.” 

Betsy almost jumped. The voice had startled her. She thought she was alone. 

“Jean?” But didn’t sound like Jean. Betsy couldn’t decipher who it was. 

She sat there for another thirty minutes, hoping the voice would return, but it didn’t. 

So she got up and left. 

It was probably just a student. My telepathic abilities aren’t the strongest. It was probably just a student somewhere on the grounds…

She didn’t tell anyone about the voice. She didn’t want to seem crazy, because it probably didn’t mean anything. 

-

“Hey,  guys! I found this on my google drive! It’s a bunch of videos from Xavier’s fourth of July party!” Peter had his laptop open at a table, with a few papers spread about. 

Everyone, including Betsy, gathered around Peter as he played a few video clips.

It was Warren, Peter, Scott, and (Y/N) all together in the first one. They were walking in a parking lot with shopping bags in their hands. 

“We just spent—” Peter cut Warren off.

“We just spent $2,000 on fireworks! Holy fuck!” Everyone else is laughing at his enthusiasm. 

“Can’t Jubilee just produce fireworks? Why did we need this many anyway?” 

“It’s for the American aesthetic, (Y/N)!” 

They got into the car and Peter was still recording. 

“Weren’t you born in Poland or something?” 

“America was founded on immigration—”

The clip was cut off, and the next one played automatically. But Betsy remembered the voice. The female one. It was like the one she heard in the basement… was (Y/N) trying to contact her?

She tried to focus as the next few clips played, she needed to hear (Y/N)’s voice again.

“Kurt, look—” Peter was still recording with his smartphone, he had zoomed in on a darker part of Xavier’s. It was a tree, and two people were leaning up against it— clearly making out. 

“Jean told me she went to get more popsicles!” Kurt whined. 

Everyone watching was laughing, except for Scott and Jean, who were extremely embarrassed they got caught. 

“You ain’t slick, Summers.”

“Shut up.” 

Footsteps could be heard. “What are we doing?” (Y/N) asked.

“Look—” Kurt motioned to the couple at the tree. 

“Oh, gross. They don’t even know we’re watching! And to think… Warren went inside to see what Jean was doing…”

“Well, he won’t find out,” Kurt joked. 

Betsy knew she heard (Y/N) voice in the basement… but why? Was she a ghost? Did her unconscious state allow her to communicate telepathically? 

She needed to go back there, alone, but she knew that was almost impossible. Hank was almost always down in the lab, and Warren was almost always visiting (Y/N). 

-

That didn’t really matter to her. Betsy needed to talk to her or hear her voice again. She thought about asking Jean, but she thought that would be fruitless. 

She went to visit (Y/N) again, but this time she spoke to her. 

“Can you hear me?” 

No response. 

“My name is Betsy Braddock. I know who you are and I’m not going to hurt you.” 

Betsy huffed, “This is stupid!” She got up and began to walk out. 

“Wait!” Betsy froze. (Y/N) said something. “You keep visiting me…”

“I’m just curious about you,” Betsy responded.

“Why?” 

“I don’t know I—” 

“Betsy?” Warren’s voice was stern and almost angry. “What are you doing here?”

“I can hear her. Like, with my abilities… I know you didn’t really want me down here and I understand—”

“Then why are you here?” 

“I wanted to see if I could communicate with her telepathically…” She admitted.  “That’s all. I’m not trying to wake her or anything.” 

“I’m sorry… but I can hear people and it’s nice to have someone who can hear me back…” 

Betsy, plagued with guilt, looked over at (Y/N), whos lifeless form hadn’t changed a bit, despite the obvious sadness in her words.

“I just feel, so bad and I don’t know why and… I ruined your life. There’s no shortcut, without me you would have left the fighting ring in less than three weeks… You’d have your feathery wings still… but I loved you and I couldn’t let go, and I thought bringing Apocalypse to you would make up for all the shit I did…” 

“I was a kid. I didn’t even know what love meant! And I’m not avoiding you on purpose, I don’t resent you as much as I did when I first came here… but I don’t know what you want, okay? Our lives aren’t connected anymore, and I just want (Y/N) back...” Warren was biting down on his lip to keep himself from breaking down crying. 

“Tell him I’m sorry.” 

“(Y/N) said she’s sorry…” 

Warren’s gaze shifted between the two girls. 

“Why is she sorry?”

“All I’ve done since Christmas is make him unhappy and upset. He deserves someone who isn’t asleep for part of the year.”

“She said, you deserve someone who isn’t asleep for part of the year.” 

Warren walked over to (Y/N)’s body, he held her hand in his. “It’s not about what I may or may not deserve. It’s about what I want and love.” 

“I love him…” 

Betsy was about to repeat what she said, but Warren was crying. He had let a single tear drip down. 

It landed on (Y/N)’s hand. And soon as it did, her eyes flew open. 

-

She was gasping for air, eyes squinting up at the fluorescent lights. (Y/N) heard voices. 

“She’s awake…” 

“It’s almost March, that might be too early—“

“—I’ll be fine,” (Y/N) interrupted. She rubbed her eyes and turned her eyes away from the lights, looking over at Warren, who was at her side, tears in his eyes. 

“Betsy, go get Hank.” He instructed. Warren looked back at (Y/N), holding her hand in his, and his other cupping her cheek. 

“Hi.” She murmured in a groggy tone. 

“Hi.” He kissed her forehead. “I missed you.”

“I know… I’m sorry…”

“Sorry?” Warren was perplexed. “What for?” 

“I couldn’t stay awake, and I hurt you, Warren. I made you cry and think you weren’t good enough for me…” She snuffled her nose. 

“That’s bullshit. You could never hurt me. I was crying because I couldn’t do anything. The last time I saw you was before I went to Italy on some dumb mission— I missed you… I missed your smile, I missed how you’d make flower crowns and put them on my head, how I could go to you after a nightmare no matter what time of night it was, or how you told me I helped you become more assertive and learn it’s okay to say no, or you showing me the beauty in everything— I…” His voice was breaking, but all (Y/N) could see in his eyes was happiness.  “I can’t live without you… I love you.”

“Oh, Warren, baby…” She squeezed his hand. 

Warren cupped her face with his free hand and kissed her. 

That one kiss said everything he wanted to say. It let out his feelings. It had passion and swiftness backing it up, followed by his undying love for (Y/N). 

She kissed him back, trying to make up for the time they’ve lost. Her lips fit prefectures against his. 

It was like the first time they kissed, full of everything she wanted, except much longer, with more meaning to it. 

They broke apart slowly, almost as if they didn’t want to. 

“I love you too…” She murmured.