#cuz turns out I am VERY bad at setting boundaries

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

Sometimes boundaries are simply not over-explaining why you can't do something.

[ang3l-core]

Angel Numbers

I know that this might be very self sabotaging and maybe even a bad way of thinking

But I sometimes really wonder if maybe I do put myself in these situations

From a very young age I feel like in my life I really didn't have the proper guidance with some things

I've always had to find out a lot of things for myself

I feel like that's how I've always ended up getting myself in really bad situations

And I feel like over the years it's taken me a while to finally set some boundaries for myself with certain people and to stop enabling myself or others' pattern of certain toxic behaviors

And to learn to just think for myself cuz lord only knows how many times I felt like in so many circumstances like I had to be my own protector

Sometimes when things all get too much I wish I could just call out 444 to any kind of divine power out there or to see if I had any archangels who would come

So maybe they could take the job off my hands to help keep watch over me looking out for people who wanna act towards me out of any malice or with any bad intentions

Even it's for a little while so I could at least rest and ease my mind and finally be able to close my eyes for a second you know because I feel like for so long all I've been is just so hypervigilant but to tell you the truth really though it does kinda make me tired that I've had to go to sleep with one eye open for a while I think from so much distrust

I always felt like I always had to keep on looking over my shoulder

Sometimes I think about how it's almost miraculous I'm here at all, after all that I've gone through and the kind of life that I've had from dealing with shit with my debilitating health and needing so much support and never having the right people

Living in environments that you would probably consider "bad"

Never having the right cards dealt to me and trying to survive in circumstances that could've destroyed me but now that I made it out sort of alright I guess that people will call them more like adversities

But instead of feeling like I'm some sort of person who's brave and resilient at times I just feel like a failure and think about the fact that maybe that all wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't have had to experience all that if maybe I wasn't born a burden

Or to parents who maybe didn't really plan that far ahead and just might have been a little in over their heads

And sometimes I get lost in my head trying to make sense of all of it

But I guess that I'm here anyways so I should be present

And I need to be content or something

But these are some things that I still go on sometimes questioning in my head

Oh can I ask why if "some things happen sometimes" why do I still feel like at most times like still almost everything is my fault ?

And why is it so hard for me to believe when people tell me how much of a good person I am, that I am and they're not just talking about someone else or a different person ? I mean if I am at all

And why do we as people still always try to be perfect when we know as good as anybody else that life isn't perfect at all ?

Tell me was I "saved" and if that's the reason I survived everything ?

And if it's true that I was does that mean there was some more higher purpose for me or do human beings don't need any special reason to deserve to exist, we just do like everything else ?

Should I still be blaming myself for things that I don't know were or weren't avoidable ?

The things I regret that I didn't know in my life until now

Is the reason why I am asking all of these questions because I don't think that my soul was even worth saving or that my reputation can be salvaged ?

And am I just ungrateful or can I still hate that I had to go the situations that I've gone through even though I'm pretty sure that of it has turned me into the person that I am now ?

Like alot of other questions that people have about life I'm sure that most of these will go unanswered and maybe I just have to accept that that's fine

But these are some of the questions about mine that I constantly feel like I think about in my head

And I hope maybe one day I know the answers and finally understand why all of this was made so complicated

Or if there's at all any reason cuz maybe or maybe not there was supposed to be

[snailsgoingdowntown]

i loved your latest bsd work! also its v realistic (at least for me) bc i keep seeing these works of like, staying with them through thick and thin and while it is cute! kinda unrealistic 😭 i hope u have a good day 🫶

Gdhd thank you!!!

It really is unrealistic. A lot of people, myself included, would make the argument that everything would turn out alright if you would just stay. But that's neither healthy nor possible (majority of the time). Obviously yes, in some cases that works, but in many more it just won't.

I would know, because once upon a time I tried to stay with someone who was just... Toxic. It was not good for my mental health and I stayed up all night barely getting three hours of sleep in talking them out of well... Yeah.

The amount of times I cried and had mental breakdowns on the daily was not. Ideal. But it was exactly the memories of that, that made me think: "a relationship with these characters is impossible."

They have may issues that many people are just not equipped to handle, either because they were never told how or because they simply can't, regardless if they're in the same situation/have the same thoughts/feelings as these characters.

Like, realistically, ik many people would not be able to deal with Dazai. I wouldn't be able to, that man would make me fall down into a pit of despair where I return to my old habits and thoughts I don't want to go through again.

Kunikida would be horrible to deal with, at least Dazai would make a person laugh. He's way too strict and I have a fear of people like that, not only that, he tends to speak with his chest out in a loud voice. That's not a bad thing, but for him specifically, it makes him feel unapproachable, to me at least. If you're caught up with the manga, then you know how Aya's dad is, and I am afraid of him becoming like that if he were to ever find a lover or have a kid. Sure, it wouldn't be on purpose, but realistically, there is a decent sized chance that MIGHT happen.

I wouldn't be able to deal with Ranpo, we'd get into fights 24/7. He would make me cry and I would punch his face.

Chuuya... Haha, I honestly can't see him with anyone. Dazai and the sheep probably ruined that for him, along with that one guy in stormbringer who's name I forgot. They're lucky he still has trust in him for them.

Aku and higuchi are a very toxic dual, and keep in mind she likes him the way he is. So imagine if her affections were to shift to someone new, and based on how obsessive she is with him, it would probably be the same story, and remember, in one side story, she literally used her off day to stalk him. Not only that but she wanted to kill Gin simply because she THOUGHT she was romantically involved with Aku. And she did a total 180 when she found out she was his sister.

Tbh I think Gin would make a better choice for Higuchi cuz at least she doesn't slap her around.

But yeah, a relationship with any of these characters would probably be impossible for most, not all, but most. It's always good to be there for people, but please set boundaries, know your limits.

But yea, that's the joy of fan fiction, you can make anything work in fiction. But in reality it probably wouldn't. But fiction is nice. Idek what I'm saying anymore, it's 3am, but thank you for the ask and remember to take care of yourself too!!

[lovemars]

hm. time to psychoanalyze myself i think. cw traumadumping cw long ass post cw oversharing 😭

the srs cws are talk of sex and stuff but in a sad way not a horny way, sa, men on the internet being gross, bad coping mechanisms, etc

like. idk. i was thinking abt this last night and now im thinking abt it more and like. i feel like. the way i appear in headspace and stuff is just. completely based after. OH MY GOD SOFT BOY CAME OUT? um. sorry it just came on shuffle. ANYWAY. 😭. i feel like how i appear and everything is just based off of like our brain trying to be attractive to- well men mostly. other genders nd stuff but mostly men Specifically cis men. and like. literally none of us actively want to have cis (esp cishet) men attracted to us ❤️. but its like, i know Why like i know its cuz one of my roles is a sexual alter and our brain made us appear the way we do in headspace as part of it trying to keep us safe etcetc WHATEVER i dont care 🫶. like. i literally even- like for instance when we were dating our ex i remember trying to like. be attractive to her and make her like me/us even tho like. i was uncomfortable as fuck and like. i did the same with redacted from irl and just didnt set boundaries at all- no thats not true we definitely did set boundaries. i was just bad at enforcing them- i guess cuz i was like. idk completely lost in this mindset of like, not being able to say no and not feeling safe and feeling like it was my only purpose inguess?

and then like- i also feel like. imean i dont really get the love languages thing but if i had to pick one it would definitsly be words of affirmation and like- i feel like. okay 😭. im not a good person by. whoever the fuck uhh. pat the bunny i think? plays in the background. like for years and by for years i mean ever since 4 days after i turned 18. my thing had been like. posting on reddit . in various subreddits that like, Well the men in them are not very nice to me or to women . and like. i feel like that ties back to the words of affirmation thing cuz i was like intentionally seeking out people who would hurt me (<- which also ties into being a persecutor). and i dont do it anymore because months in the getalong shirt with nik made me feel bad abt it 😭 and then i started to realize that i like when people are nice to me actually. and then i was like Huh maybe tjats not super healthy for me probably. (it is not). well and thats the reason im banned (by nik) from reddit and sex with cis people forever.

but like. 😭 SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. writing a damn novel here. ANYWAYYYY. the whole posting images on reddit dot com -> talk to creepy men on reddit dot com -> intense self hatred and shame -> nik fronts and freaks out and deletes everything -> i feel bad -> i do it again next time i feel like making myself feel terrible on purpose for fun Spiral. like. ive spent all this time gojng down that spiral and now its like. bro i jusr want someone to be nice to me. like i spent ages convincing myself that actually i didnt care abt the shit those men were sayinh & that i liked it and now im like. i literally dont. like. i dont wabt someone ive never spoken to who didnt even say hi or ask what im ok with to say like. waves hand. stuff im not repeating just make up something genuinely disgusting and a bit terrifying and ive probably heard it. and now i dont even KNOW like. what i want i guess. idek my sexuality cuz ive never bothered to think abt what i want cuz i was too focused on what people i dont like/am scared of/etc to think abt how i felt. which in retrospect. bad and scared and. etc.

anyway. idk its just dawned on me the other night how much of who i am is wrapped up in how much i want everyone to like me all thw time and also how much i dont like myself. and like im working on it. and if working on it means thinking about drm from minecraft youtube ******* ** ** ***** so be it i guess 😭. idk man if nik can read dr*amnotnap fic and call it coping i can thirstpost abt drm in my head. idk.

ig im just. now that im able to be more normal and rational and stuff im able to see like. damn i was really bad at dealing with my emotions and tried to do that in ways that were not healthy for me or anyone else. and now all my sense of. who i am is wrapped up in that i guess. which sucks. and im working on it . SLOWLY! but im working on it

tldr: damn this guy should probably talk to a therapist abt all this shouldnt he. well thats okay at least hes hot

[sunflowerinpearls]

Some information before reading:

- We moved out as a family of 5 from my in-laws fully furnished 3 bed, 1 bath basement apartment, & we lived there for 6 years. We moved into a 3 bed, 1 bath townhome and then we bought a house and my mental health went to the bottom real fast and I could no longer physically care for my children, because I couldn’t physically get out of bed. Our Children moved in with my In-Laws because of how bad things had gotten. The hardest choice I ever made was telling myself “you shouldn’t be the one that’s responsible for them when you can’t even handle the simplest things when it comes to caring for yourself!!!!!”

But it’s been 7 long years in recovery from C-PTSD, BPD, PD, MDD, SAD, & more… and I have learned a lot of things since the very beginning.

So without further ado, here ya go:

If I say “Give me my son/daughter/their name/child/etc, YOU SIMPLY TURN MY CHILD TO ME AND LET ME TAKE OVER FROM THERE. You do NOT keep fucking walking away from me. That was your LAST mistake! Your first one was trapping my 7 year old son, who is your Nephew first and foremost BEFORE you’re his GodParent, and you NEED to stay in your lane.

There are boundaries for all of us *TryingReallyHard* parents who have to set boundaries to keep their Special Need(s) Child(ren) SAFE, just to see Derek’s Mother & Sister continue stepping over the boundaries I’ve made.

There is absolutely none of this “I do this everyday at school and HE IS JUST FINE!”. He was NOT fine and your words and matched actions escalated things and then I stepped in because you messed up.

And then umm, that triggered my biggest fear now: Having his family try and keep my kids from me and shit, cuz I wouldn’t put that past them. Not after Roxi asked me straight up if she could “stop by her Lawyer ‘cause all she would have to do is sign a few papers & she can have Guardianship of the two- just in case of an emergency.” Uhhh. No I don’t think so. That’s not at all why she asked… She wants all of the Power & Control over my Children. Why? Because I am the Wife of her son and the Mother of her Grandchildren and she will NEVER accept it because I am “Mentally ill” and “Disabled” & she looks down on that as if at any moment, she couldn’t ever *possibly* become Disabled herself, ya know because she’s Invincible & Immortal. 🙄

Well you’ll be happy to know I fucking stood my ground when I saw Jack escalate and dereks sister kayla and grab him and put him in his room. She said “I got it Cecelia. I do it daily at school.”

“He’s my son.” Babble babble Roxi and me “first and foremost, he’s my son.”

Derek intervened, I walked toward the garage to exit and said “I’m leaving. I am done. I’m not doing this.” (Or something like that I really can’t remember now)… & the fucking way she cornered Jack in front of Roxi’s recliner, grabbed his upper arm and went to send him to his room, *I*

knew what Jack needed instantly when I saw him pace back and forth from being cornered. I don’t allow that. Hell to the fucking no. & I ended up getting Jack with me, outside in the freezing ass car waiting for Derek to finish a game. When I started to walk out, I heard faint whispering & definitely caught my name so they can *All* fuck off.

Derek raised his voice at idk his mom and sister? Saying that they need to let me handle it when I say I got it. And they also, can do other things other than sending a child away to be alone in their bedroom. That’s not how we are parenting our kids so you won’t be parenting them that way either and if you really wanna do it again & I will find out, guess what?

*YANK*

Like I said, there was a fucking reason I said “NO” 3 fucking times!!! When Roxi asked me for Guardianship of them.

He needed to be held as tight as possible with his arms folded across his body and brought back down very slowly and calmly.

Not be grabbed by his arm and be sent away to be by himself.

That is exactly how you teach kids that the world is against them and always against them and no one will ever help them and they’ll always be alone.

So, nope. You don’t get to do that!

I held him by the door and I told him he was okay, and sat with him until he was ready to go back inside.

And yeah, I did in fact take him home w me. And he slept so peacefully and warm in his bed and woke up around 6. He got 9 hours of sleep. I’m relieved for him for that.

Today I made him write down an apology letter to Kayla for breaking her “pretty” (decor). & he wrote 2 sentences & when I told him he owes her more than just 2 sentences and that he gets nothing (games, treats, etc) until he writes the letter and signs his name after but he has to write more than 2 sentences. He got immediately livid & impulsively put an X through the halfway done apology letter & then I told him he needed to step away for a minute, sit on the couch and take some deep breaths & not break anything on the way there, either! He sat and punched himself in the side of the head/face. I jumped up quickly, because I immediately thought of my past self, and did the following:

wrapped his arms around himself & held onto him tightly, & told him all the things he needs to tell himself and I made him repeat it all, too:

“I’m a good person”

“I have a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul”

“I’m a good boy!”

“I’m a good son”

“I’m a good brother to Christine and Lily”

“I’m a good Grandson”

“I’m a good Nephew & Cousin”

“Just because I make choices, does NOT mean I am a bad person”

And then I said “and my face is pretty cute”

And he smiled & then we were all smiling because when we looked around, Dad had been smiling the entire time in absolute awe of the way I love our children.

If it’s one thing I will never fail consciously, it’s my 3 Babies: Christine, Lily, Jack. ♥️

[lowkeyjustvibing]

Fic time again

Pairing: Truce poly + Reaper and Epic

Prompt: Just some chaos

Also! We have:

Enby Nightmare, Reaper, and Horror

Neopronoun Error (string,strings,stringself)

aro/ace Ink and ace Reaper

Also human versions ‘cuz    y e s

*CRASH*

“YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BROKEN ONE OF MY VASES INK!”

“You’re legit dead, bruh.”

“Shut up and run before they see us!”

Nightmare stormed down the hall, their tentacles thrashing wildly and just barely avoiding breaking some things themselves. Things like this (Which were once a rarity) had become quite common ever since the truce and the events that occurred as a result. In short, after peace was finally brought to the multiverse, both the Star Sanses and the Bad Sanses both realized just how dull life was without the other group present in their lives. 

The solution? Get everyone to live in the same house.

And since Nightmare was the only one in possession of a building big enough for all of them to live in, the Star Sanses just moved in. It was difficult to get used to the sudden change in living arrangements. Fights would break out on a daily basis over small things and it would be up to someone else to keep the peace. However, once they all managed to get used to each other, things went a lot smoother.

Or rather, smoother than before.

Nightmare finally reached the living room, sighing as they saw the shards of porcelain covering the floor.

“And this was one of my favorites too.” They muttered, picking up the shards.

Thankfully, one of the nice things about being covered in sentient sludge is that it works as great glue. In a few seconds, the vase looked back to normal (If you ignored the subtle cracks covering it).

“Now where’s that clumsy squid?” They mused, scanning the room.

At that moment Dust walked in, probably having heard all the commotion as well and coming to see what happened. When he saw Nightmare, he gave a small wave before flopping onto the couch and curling up under the blankets.

“Hey!”

Nightmare jumped and Dust practically flew off the couch, immediately grabbing the pocket knife he carried, manifesting a few blasters, and pointing them at the now wriggling blankets.

Nightmare just sighed, signaling Dust to calm down, “Ink, come out from under the blankets.”

After a few minutes of silence, the artist was heard quietly cursing before sheepishly poking his head out from under the blankets, “Um, hey Nightmare?”

Suddenly, another person emerged from the blanket as well, “It’s his fault, bruh!”

Nightmare just sighed again, pinching their eyebrows, “What have I told you about roughhousing outside of the gym and your own rooms?”

“Not to...” Epic and Ink responded simultaneously, both staring at the floor.

Dust just snickered, de-summoning the blaster and putting away his knife, “What is this, the seventh time you guys have broken something just this week?”

Ink stuck his tongue out at the other, getting rewarded with a similar action. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Nightmare said, “Ink, Epic, you two are doing extra chores this week.”

“What?!” Epic cried, “I didn’t even do anything, bruh!”

“Yes, because Ink decided to break the vase with no prompting.”

Epic just huffed and folded his arms, grumbling something unintelligible. Ink looked equally annoyed but seemed to accept what Nightmare said. 

“Oh yeah, Nightmare.” Dust suddenly piped up, “I think Error wanted you. Heard string say something about Reaper harassing strings.”

“Not again...” Nightmare muttered, walking off and leaving the other three to do their own thing.

On the way to where they believed Error was, Nightmare passed Dream’s room where he was helping Horror read a story Killer had gotten them for their birthday. It had taken a while for Horror to be comfortable asking anyone to help them read. They felt embarrassed that they couldn’t read on their own due to not only being slightly dyslexic, but also having poor vision. It always Nightmare happy to see somebody helping them. After a few moments, Dream looked up and saw Nightmare. He waved, smiling brightly and Horror glanced up, waving as well. Nightmare returned the gesture before continuing down the hall, they had a job to do.

“HI NIGHTMARE!”

Nightmare jumped, their tentacles instinctively sharpening and pointing towards whoever scared them.

“OH!” Blue cried before lowering his voice, “Sorry, I forget how loud I can be sometimes.”

After recovering from the shock Nightmare smiled, ruffling Blue’s hair, “It’s fine, you just surprised me.”

Blue beamed, giving them a hug, “OK!”

They returned the hug, giving the shorter and giving him a peck on the cheek before letting go, “Forgive me for my abruptness, but I have something to take care of at the moment. See you again later.”

And with that, they left a very flustered Blue standing in the middle of the hallway. Now, to finally find Error. They thought, a determined glint in their eyes. No more distractions.

“Sup Boss.”

Nightmare just barely suppressed a groan, “Damn it.”

Killer scoffed, “Well, I didn’t realize how little you liked my presence.” 

“You know I didn’t mean that.” Nightmare responded, continuing down the hall with Killer now practically skipping along behind them.

“Then what’s got ya’ so riled up?” Killer asked.

“I’m trying to find Error but I keep getting distracted by people.”

“Why ‘re ya’ trying to find strings?”

“Dust said something about Reaper harassing strings and I want to make sure Error doesn’t kill them.”

At that, Killer instantly tensed up, though he quickly hid his reaction, “Oh, you got any idea where string is?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

Killer didn’t respond, only speeding up and quickly overtaking Nightmare. In turn, Nightmare began speeding up as well to keep up with him. They expected Killer to become worried once he found out Error was even mildly inconvenienced. Dust and Horror were also very protective of the glitch. They all saw strings as a parental figure of sorts (Along with Nightmare). 

“Calm down Killer.” Nightmare said, reaching out and grabbing his shoulder.

Killer flinched and seemed to calm down a bit but he still radiated worry and anger, “Sorry, I’m just worried about strings.”

“I am too but you just need to calm down.” They responded, “It’ll be OK.”

Killer grumbled something but agreed following right alongside Nightmare.

“I wonder where-” Nightmare was cut off by a glitched out shout of frustration followed by a surprised yelp, “Found them.”

Killer broke into a run and Nightmare just walked along after him.

“Killer! Get away before I touch you!” Reaper cried, instantly stumbling backwards upon seeing the other.

Killer just scoffed in response and turned to Error who was still glitching slightly. It was obvious string was just frustrated with the pesky god, passive aggressively turning away from them.

Reaper finally steadied, brushing themselves off, “Well, that was an unexpected turn of events.” after regaining their composure, they turned to Error and did a dramatic bow, “Forgive me for my insolence my sweet cherry blossom.”

Error ignored strings blush and the fact that parts of strings were pixelating in and out of existence, “ץєคђ ฬђคՇєשєг, ןยรՇ ๒คςк ๏ŦŦ ๒єŦ๏гє เ ๔๏ ร๏๓єՇђเภﻮ ฬє ๒๏Շђ гєﻮгєՇ.”

Reaper took that as a win and grinned, spinning on their heel and walking down the hall, “I look forward to our next encounter beautiful~!”

“Sƚυριԃ ϝʅιɾƚყ Ⴆαʂƚαɾԃ.” Error muttered, though string wouldn’t deny the smile that tugged at the corners of strings mouth.

“You OK Error?” Killer asked, careful not to be too close without permission.

String nodded, “Yҽαԋ, αʅʅ Շђєץ ԃιԃ ɯαʂ ριʂʂ ɱҽ σϝϝ. Nσƚԋιɳɠ Ⴆιɠ.”

“They’re lucky I can’t touch them or else they’d be in danger right about now.” Was all he said, scowling at the floor.

Nightmare finally stepped forward, having just been watching the interaction, “Well, I’m glad nothing too bad happened.”

“Eαʂყ ϝσɾ ყσυ ƚσ ʂαყ σƈƚσρυʂ.” String responded.

Nightmare rolled their eyes, “My goodness, I thought we were over the whole octopus ordeal.”

“Never will be goop lord!” Killer said, instantly going from brooding to playful.

They sighed in disappointment before picking Killer up with a tentacle and motioning for Error to follow, “Anyways, it’s movie night.”

“Is it my turn?!” Killer asked, swinging his legs though being careful not to kick Nightmare.

“No, Cross.” 

Killer groaned loudly, “Oh come ON! You know full well he and Epic are gonna’ make us watch the Bee Movie again.”

Nightmare just shrugged, “I don’t make the rules.”

“YES YOU DO!”

“Irrelevant.” 

Error snickered quietly at their debate, “ʏօʊ ȶաօ ʄɨɢɦȶ ʟɨӄɛ ǟռ օʟɖ ʍǟʀʀɨɛɖ ƈօʊքʟɛ.”

“Bold of you to assume we aren’t.” Killer retorted.

“I’m pretty sure we all are.”

“Whatever.”

They walked in silence for a moment before Nightmare turned and rapped loudly on a nearby door, “Epic, Cross, stop making out and come to the living room. It’s movie night.”

After a few moments of frantic shuffling from inside the room, Cross opened the door, looking quite disheveled, “H-hey Nightmare, we’ll be out in a minute.”

Somewhere inside the dimly lit bedroom a frantic voice whispered, “Close the damn door, bruh!”

Killer burst out laughing, Error barely kept stringself from glitching out from laughter, and Nightmare chuckled before closing the door in Cross’s flushed face. 

“Oh they are NEVER living this down!” Killer wheezed and barely managed to pat the tentacle holding him, “H-here, just put me d-down, I need to go tell the other two.” he wheezed out.

Nightmare set him down and after a few moments of trying to catch his breath, he was off, jogging down the halls and calling for Horror and Dust. After he was out of sight, Nightmare turned to Error.

“So,” They started, “Are you SURE you’re OK?”

Error looked at them in confusion for a moment before nodding, “Yҽαԋ, ʝυʂƚ ɠσƚ ƈαυɠԋƚ σϝϝ Ⴆყ Rҽαρҽɾ. I'ɱ ϝιɳҽ ɳσɯ.”

“Alright,” Nightmare responded, giving strings a soft kiss on the forehead, “but if they ever make you uncomfortable just tell them to back off. They’re a clingy flirt but they know to respect boundaries.”

String was now a blushing mess and Nightmare reveled in that fact, deciding to fluster strings more. 

“I hope you know I love you.” They mumbled, moving closer to Error (Who thankfully didn’t move back)

String was glitching hard, not from how close the other was, but from how flustered strings was.

Nightmare decided to continue, embracing strings in a loose hug, “You’re so wonderful, I could never live without you.”

“₦-₦ł₲Ⱨ₮₥₳ⱤɆ...” Error responded and upon hearing how bad string was glitching, Nightmare backed off slightly.

After a few moments, string pulled them back into another hug, burying strings head into their shoulder. Nightmare was caught off guard but smiled and proceeded to hum quietly while holding the other. They occasionally gave more compliments just to see Error get flustered again while they both stood there in the empty hallway. After some time, Nightmare found themself wanting to make the other all the more flustered, just to see what would happen. They lifted a hand to strings cheek and moved strings so that they were face to face. The only warning Error got was a mischievous look in Nightmare’s eyes before their lips met. It was brief, nothing too long so as to not cause Error to crash, but Nightmare savored the brief moment.

After a few minutes of stunned silence, Error’s cheeks began to burn. String glitched sharply, trying not to crash as Nightmare began to regret the impulsive decision.

“Are you O-” Nightmare started but was stopped as Error, in a similar moment of impulsivity, kissed them again.

Now it was Nightmare’s turn to be caught off guard but they weren’t about to waste this. They kissed back and absentmindedly began fiddling with strings hair. 

That was until they heard the sound of a phone camera clicking and snickering from a bit down the hall. They both instantly looked over and saw Cross and Epic snickering as Epic pointed his phone at them. The effect was instantaneous. Error crashed, scratchy dial up noise filling the hall and Nightmare’s tentacles sharpened and pointed towards the other two as their cheeks turned bright red.

“Go.” Was all they said and Cross instantly grabbed Epic and sprinted down the hall, cursing as he ran.

Nightmare uttered a few curses themself and turned back to Error who was still rebooting. It took a minute but string eventually finished, blinking a few times to clear the lingering pixels and error signs.

“₮ⱧØ₴Ɇ Ⱡł₮₮ⱠɆ ₳**ⱧØⱠɆ₴!” String cried, the glitches returning for a moment before calming down.

“Calm down Error.” Nightmare said, barely retaining their own composure, “It’s not like they can even do much with that picture anyways.”

String muttered something incomprehensible before just groaning and resting strings head on Nightmares shoulder, “ƈǟռ ʏօʊ ǟȶ ʟɛǟֆȶ ƈǟʀʀʏ ʍɛ? ɨ'ʍ ȶɨʀɛɖ ռօա.”

“Of course.” They responded, doing something similar to what they did with Killer and carrying strings in their tentacles.

They had discovered that while physical contact still caused strings to glitch occasionally, somehow their tentacles didn’t seem to trigger it. So, of course, whenever Error crashed and was too tired to walk much, they would always carry strings in his tentacles. As they walked, Error sighed contentedly and buried strings head in the mass of pure negativity. Nightmare couldn’t help feeling proud that they found a way to practically smother Error while not hurting strings, something very few could accomplish. They eventually got to the theatre room where everyone was either chatting amongst themselves or engaged in the giant pillow fight occurring in the middle of the room.

“Are we watching a movie or...?” Nightmare said, their voice seeming to magically project to every corner of the room and quelling all the chaos.

“I’ll get popcorn!” Dream said, jumping to his feet and running to the kitchen as Blue and Horror followed. 

Nightmare sat Error down gently on the couch, making sure string was comfortable before moving around the scattered cushions and sitting next to strings. It took a few minutes for the other three to get back and by then, the movie was already chosen. As expected, it was the Bee Movie. Everyone was either howling with laughter or completely enraged by this development. The popcorn bowls were distributed across the couch and floor where everyone was sitting and the movie started. No one was watching the movie. Instead, they were all either talking or cuddling with the nearest person. Nightmare did the same and cradled Error in their tentacles along with Blue, who just happened to be sitting nearby, and reading a book.

The thing that snapped them out of the world of the thick novel was loud snickers coming from one side of the room. Killer, Horror, Cross, and Epic were all just barely keeping from bursting out laughing at something Ink was showing them. Out of curiosity, Nightmare reached out with a spare tentacle and snatched the sketch book, earning an indignant shout from Ink. They ignored it and opened the sketchbook, skipping past a few other, incredibly well done, drawing to what the other four were looking at. 

So to say that they were shocked upon going from a drawing of a forest the looked like it was a picture and not hand drawn to some horrible amalgamation of Barry B. Benson and Shrek was an understatement.

Error (Who just recently woke up) and Blue saw the drawing and started snickering as well. Nightmare just stared at it in disgust and confusion.

“I don’t understand why you waste your incredible talent on such horrendous things.” Was all they said before giving the sketchbook back.

“Whatever Mr. Grumpy Pants.” Ink huffed, holding the book close to his chest as if someone else was about to take it as well.

After the laughter died down they all returned to what they had been doing. It was still odd to many of them. The fact that some were sitting side by side with who used to be their mortal enemies was still a foreign concept but it wasn’t unwelcome. 

“Love you guys.” Dust whispered and everyone in the room looked at him in surprise.

After a few moments of Dust feeling incredibly self conscious about the fact that everyone was staring him down, Error responded.

“ʟօʋɛ ʏօʊ ɢʊʏֆ ȶօօ.” String said, cuddling closer into Nightmare.

A chorus of “Love you”s Rose from around the room as they all relaxed, enjoying the feeling of peaceful quiet. Well, at least until tomorrow when they were all reenergized and ready to cause more trouble.

--------------------

I FINALLY FISHING FINISHED OH MY GOSH

This took SO long to do (Almost completely because I procrastinated so long-) and I’m glad I finally finished it! 

I hope this makes yalls as happy as it made me while I wrote it :)

[sukirichi]

[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ] 

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan​

from track 007. 

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

 YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ] 

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

[greatfay]

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

[fakesurprise]

A Return

The hotel remembers walking the way people remember dreams. It is the nature of things to be forgotten, for memory to be a sieve. The hotel rests, not entirely of its own accord, but that is often the nature of rest as well. I run one hand along a wall. The hotel wants to be free. Everyone else wants it to be stationary. In dreams, it is a MechaHotel that runs rampant over chain hotels. In the world it remains solid and stable. That much I offer with the magic, walking into the hotel and up to the room slowly.

Jay isn’t here. I am bound to Jay in ways that go beyond even the understanding of magic, but I can’t sense him at all right now. I try not to think about it as I walk. Fear seldom helps, but sometimes there is not much else.

Charlie is in the hotel suite, pacing. Drinking a coffee, the god inside her hiding from her own anger.

“He is not responding to texts. Jay not answering his phone is – is –.”

Anger cuts the next words to nothing.

“Magician,” she says flatly. “Find him. That’s my need. Magic responds to need and desire.”

“You don’t think I’ve been trying?”

“I didn’t mean –.” Charlie sets her coffee down. “I’m scared for him.”

“I know.” Scared of him goes without saying, a silent truth never spoken. Jay is eleven. He is also from far Outside the universe and his wishes often simply happen. Sometimes without him even knowing it.

We hide the truths of the world from him, as best he can. Even Jay from his future comes back and wipes his memories at times. I hide politics from him with magic, the TV and internet are – far more jaysome than they might otherwise be. Because if he wished, Jay would change people. And we would no longer be people, not as we are. Any god with their salt would make you as perfect as they are, if they were truly a god in the deepest senses of the word.

If they were a Jay, they’d want you even better. Because jaysome.

“Fine.” Charlie pours herself more coffee. We exchange glances. 24 hours without Jay has the fae trying to hide his adventures from the world terrified. I doubt they ever felt they’d miss the sheer amount of glamours they do when hiding Jay and adventures from the world.

“If Jay isn’t here, there is no reason to be jaysome,” Charlie says, and throws the full cup of coffee at the living room wall.

It arcs.

It stops.

Jay is holding it.

He is still eleven.

I let out a breath of relief. He has been eleven for four years; him being twelve is – bad, from what older Jay’s have told me, and they refuse to offer details. Power is complicated. But jaysome isn’t.

“Hey, kiddo.”

Jay stares at me, his expression long and studying. “Honcho. I went for a long walk.”

“I am aware of that, broadly.”

Charlie steps forward, She picks up the coffee, sets it aside without a drop spilled. Then hugs Jay as tightly as she can. “I was scared for you!”

Jay returns the hug, but slowly. There is a distance to him that unnerves. Nothing about Jay is natural, but even so this feels unnatural. “I don’t see why. I am – large, and nothing can hurt me.”

Charlie punches Jay right in the nose. I barely see her move.

Jay jumps back with a yelp. “Charlie?!”

“Nothing can hurt you, remember? You’ve been thinking, have you?” She slaps him hard in the right cheek. “Think on that!”

“Stop,” and I thread power into the word as a magician can. Power upon power, layer woven into layer.

Charlie stops. Jay turns slowly to stare at me. Assessing.

“You can do tricks now, Jay. But sometimes not doing tricks is the best trick of all.”

“Clever,” he says, and the trickster underneath Jay almost smiles.

“I’m not clever. Not in this. Jaysome is many things, but clever is not part of that.”

The word is a weapon, though Jay would never think it so. He starts. Gapes at me for a few seconds that feel too long.

“And are you jaysome, to do the things you do? You hide things from me, Honcho!  People are sick and you and Charlie tried to hide that from a Jay! Why?” he demands, the last word cracking, voice wholly Jay again.

“Sick how?” I say slowly.

“People think not jaysome thoughts all the time. Sometimes they don’t want adventures at all,” he wails.

“I know. And that can be very sick,” I say as Charlie doesn’t move at all. “Which means you have to be jaysome for all of us. Sometimes we have to be very safe to have adventures, or we don’t have adventures after that.”

“Oooh! That’s why people are wearing masks?!”

“It is part of that, yes. And you are sometimes a mask too. Sometimes tricky and clever when that isn’t the kind of jaysome a Jay should be.”

“I was doing a really long thinking, Honcho,” he says and there is so much to unpack in that.

“I know. But sometimes knowing what not to think is important too. You are wise in the ways of jaysome, and wisdom sets boundaries to knowledge. To know what not to think, and when to not think it. To let what isn’t jaysome pass through you without hurting you, because some things can only hurt.”

“Oh! So like being a strainer?” he says there is such jaysome pride in those words. “I bet that’s why Charlie felt all strained: We strain cuz we are strainers!”

“That is part of it, yes,” I say.

“Okay!” He grins. The grin is pure joy and he slams into me for a hug, and then Charlie for one as well.

“Jay. The things you learned when thinking,” Charlie says after.

“I learned that some people cook food more than once and it’s still good food.”

She stares at him. “I think you might have known that already. What else?”

“I totally forgot the rest cuz you looked all worried-face and sad-face and that’s not jaysome and – oh! I NEED TO ANSWER PHONE CALLS!”

He vanishes into his bedroom.

Charlie stares at me. “... this was because of me?”

“More me. And the complexities of the world pushing in,” I say. “People are inherently good, and strive toward jaysome. But it’s easy to forget that. The ones who speak the loudest are often the ones who should be silent, and certain voices get through even to Jay. He had questions, I imagine.”

“Did he answer them?”

“I have no idea.” I step on, and hug Charlie gently. “But you got him back, in a way I wouldn’t have thought to.”

“Magicians do think too much,” she says, as gently.

“It is a bad habit Jay picked up from me.”

“And from me?”

“Honest anger, among other things.” I smile. “We’ll need to find out how much he learned, and how much he recalls of it. Also what he did. Jay can’t not make ripples. He can’t not fix things in a very certain way.”

Charlie nods slowly. “Even Jay’s memory can’t be a perfect sieve.” She smiles, slow and crooked. “You’ve been thinking about that, haven’t you?”

“No sieve ever quite washes out. No matter how dark the sky, there are always stars in it,” I say simply.

“Magician.” But she laughs, and we make more coffee and wait for Jay to come out of the bedroom.

To find out what has changed. To find out what he has learned.

And to try and protect the world and Jay from all of that and more. 

[isitreallyok]

Positivity Pressure: Handling The Negativity (Part 3)

I know we’ve been talking about positivity all week now and I understand that this topic can be wholly triggering to some people. To some of you it may feel like I am beating a dead horse, but this line of thinking has impacted me in so many ways over the years that I feel like sharing it will hopefully be beneficial to someone else who is unsure of how to handle it in their current circumstances.

Last time we were talking about how common sense wasn’t so common. How did you come to this realization? 

Throughout my life my father has told me that rather than react to situations I should respond to them instead. I spent a lot of time not knowing what exactly he meant by that and in turn getting frustrated at the fact that these two concepts are incredibly similar in meaning and then would just argue linguistic semantics rather than find the lesson to take away. Now that I have been hearing this for my entire adult life and have worked towards reevaluating how I handle various situations I have come to realize that this is the difference between logical and emotional responses to triggers.

This is something that took me over a decade to begin to understand. Even understanding the concepts, I still struggle to figure out the best way to implement them in my own spur of the moment responses to situations. I am likely not alone in being emotionally driven and tending to shy away from logic and reason when I’m upset so next time I want to talk about what I’m discovered in this and show you all a bit of the thought process when I’m examining how I handled various situations after they have come to a close.

So what are some examples of reacting versus responding because I’m not understanding it either.

Lets use an example here of positivity reinforcement that doesn’t work for me and how I react to the situation. For the sake of this example lets assume that someone has quoted the lines of the song that started all of this and then followed it up with some otherwise derogatory statements out of frustration. Here is what was said then we will examine how best to handle the situation as the person on the receiving end.

“Shut up and be happy. It’s all in your head. Shut up and be happy ‘cuz it ain’t that bad.” followed by “Your pessimism is really starting to make it to where I don’t feel like I can talk to you about anything. You’re always like this and as such you can not be reasoned with. If you aren’t going to listen then I’m going to stop trying to help”

If I were to react to this situation in the moment it would look something like this, but imagine that I am adding expletives every few words. “So what you are saying is that my problems aren’t real to you and since they aren’t real you can’t be bothered to even listen to what I’m saying. You are making the assumption that I’m consistently pessimistic and in assuming that you don’t see what I do behind closed doors to try to help myself. So if you don’t want to even listen and assume that all of my problems are in my head you clearly don’t want to be a part of my life in the first place. You don’t care about me. You don’t love me. You don’t want me. You don’t respect me. You’re just trying to make sure that I don’t jeopardize whatever fragile peace you have put around yourself because you can’t be bothered to handle someone who is breaking down. If you don’t care I don’t either” Then I likely would get way too worked up slam a door and think about a myriad of different ways that things in my life suck and how I am never going to be able to overcome them on my own and the person who said this clearly thinks that no matter what I do I can’t be reasoned with in a positive manner.

Clearly this approach is wholly unhealthy and relies heavily on a lot of really crazy assumptions that likely are not true. By having these assumptions as the primary motivation for how I react to the situation it leads me down a much darker rabbit hole that is often times harder to get myself out of because I then don’t feel confident reaching out to people for help.

Now lets assume that I respond to the situation instead. The same words are spoken, but I’m able to take a moment and be a little more objective about it. That would sounds something more like this “Clearly I’ve said something in my venting about my problem that has upset you. I can see that you aren’t able to handle this right now and I apologize for not making sure that you were in the right frame of mind to handle my emotional volatility right now. So rather than having both of us say things that we might regret in the future lets both take a step back and talk about this situation when we are able to address it a little more calmly.” This approach is much more reasonable for both parties, but still manages to put an undue pressure on one individual to “be the bigger person” and step away from the situation.

Ok. I see what you’re saying now, but does it ever really work that way?

I’ll be honest. I am often unable to respond to situations with logic and calculated thought. Usually I react to situations in negative or overtly pessimistic ways which is what gets me into these situations in the first place. I am by no means perfect, nor will I ever claim to be.

I think that rather than trying to go full Vulcan in situations there should be some kind of meeting in the middle of these two reactions. To do this there are a few things that need to happen. First, understand that your feelings, even if they aren’t understood by the other party, are valid. This allows you to operate without beating yourself up for being emotional. Second, accept that there is a chance that your feelings might not be wholly accurate to the situation. This response to a situation is also okay and completely valid. If I see the way that I felt about something as a negative I have to learn to forgive myself for it and work towards seeing things differently in the future. Emotions are fickle beasts that can change on a moments notice. Finally, and very importantly, it needs to be understood that there are two sides to a conversation and as such there are two viewpoints that may not line up.

It is paramount for people to accept that their opinion on a situation may not be understood by others and accept that the person that they are trusting to listen or advise them in that moment is going to be genuine in trying to help in whatever way they know how. I firmly believe that this is how that middle ground is reached. Whenever we reach out to others in a time of crisis we are putting our trust in someone else to respond appropriately to our cries for help. After understanding your personal needs, communicating them in less strenuous times, and then reaching out in a time a crisis, then open an honest communication based on understanding can then occur. Emotions are able to be felt, boundaries are then able to be set, and there is a level of safety in this type of communication. There is a risk in doing this with people because you never know how they’ll react, but this allows you to find those that you can go to in a time of need and learn who you aren’t able to approach when life gets you down.

I understand what you’re saying now. Lets bring this back to positivity reinforcement though.

Ah yeah. That was the topic that set all of this off. Lets wrap up what we’ve already talked about and then I’ll drive home one last point. In essence reminding people who are feeling hopeless that there are positives in their lives to celebrate is a double edged sword. It is something that can be very beneficial to them if they are open and receptive to hearing it, but in a moment of crisis it typically is the last thing that they want to hear in the ways that people often think of approaching it. The steps that I developed with people to help me cope and maintain healthy relationships and conversations around positivity reinforcement go like this.

1. Be introspective about how your needs can change in various situations and figure out how best to relay that information to those that I communicate with in a time of crisis.

2. When not facing a crisis, communicate these needs to my confidantes so that they have a well established understanding before a time of crisis arises.

3. Trust that when I am in a situation where I feel the need to reach out for help people will be able to work with me to assess which set of needs I am looking to have met.

4. In a time of crisis, remember that if people are reminding me about other aspects of my circumstance that are not as bad as what I’m hyper-fixating on they are not trying to belittle my problem and instead are communicating something to me that I may not have seen or considered.

5. Understanding that the other party is not able to read my mind. Clear communication is beneficial to all parties involved. It assists me in getting the support I need to make it through a difficult situation and it allows the other party to have the information that they need to make informed decisions about how to help.

6. Respect the growth and work to cherish it. Any amount of growth no matter how small is a cause for personal celebration. I know what makes me uncomfortable and if I find myself pushing boundaries to make a positive change I should celebrate that. Conversely, if I back slide a little bit then I have to remember to be kind to myself in accepting that these things occur.

7. Be appreciative of others giving their time and energy. They have no obligation to listen to me complain while hyperventilating.

8. Be there for others the way that they are there for you.

The last step in this list is the final thing that I want to touch on. Support networks are two ways. I am eternally grateful for all that Elyse has done for me over the course of our friendship to love and support me in whatever way she best knows how. However, I am also ready to drop what I am doing at a moments notice if she finds herself in a time of crisis and needs the same level of love and support that she has shown me. This is a part of support that is very easy to forget. I know that I don’t always manage to remember to check in on everyone whenever I feel I should. As long as it is established as a give and take relationship both parties will have a trust in one another and be able to grow together. No one is perfect in this, myself included, and mistakes are made, but this is how we adapt and grow into better people.

What this all boils down to is exactly this, there are always things to celebrate but it is completely valid to occasionally lose sight of them and not want to see them when reminded. No matter what anyone is going through their feelings are valid and their own. Even if there is a dichotomy of opinions, the emotions that one experiences are uniquely their own. Reminders of positive circumstances are important even though they are not always well received. Through consistency, even outside of times of crisis, paradigms can shift. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. This applies to both positive and negative shifts. We entrench ourselves in our thoughts and it can take some time to get out.

So I know that this week has veered off course a few times throughout these posts, but all of the problems that I have mentioned have been things that have naturally come out of both blasting people with unnecessary positivity reminders and receiving them as well. As far as positivity is concerned I’ll leave you all with this advice. Be kind to each other. Remember that everyone is different. Love yourself the same way that you love others.

Keep being incredible fam. I’ll post some more lighthearted stuff outside of the usual posting window over this weekend.

[aldbooks]

Desperada

...

What the everloving hell did I just watch?

Beware the salt... also the GIF use lol

Basically... I fucking hated it. The entire time I watched it, the majority of the words coming out my mouth were some variation of “what the fuck? This is excruciating!” I honestly can’t believe I actually watched it twice 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ok so, first we start off with some quality Lukanette and even Marinette’s friends are all “Wow! Marinette and Luka are so cute together. What a good match they make. Maybe she should give him a shot instead of Adrien?!”

But then of course, Adrien shows up!... with Kagami. And Marinette, predictably, becomes Disasternette. At this point, we’re not even two minutes in and I already kinda wanna turn it off.

So then the gang goes above stairs to see what’s going on and Disasternette becomes even worse when Jagged Stone asks her to help him find a new guitarist. Everyone of course expects her to say Luka, cuz duh. But no. She picks 🥁... Adrien.

Who doesn’t even play guitar.

Then Jagged says “what about that kid wearing my face on his shirt with the guitar strapped on his back?” (Lol) and Mari’s like “oh, of course!” Cue short lived sigh of relief, cuz it’s immediately followed by “Luka can let Adrien borrow his guitar!”

At this point I’m actually kinda angry. Because not only are they once again making Marinette look like an absolute fool, they made beautiful, selfless Luka look like a complete push over because he just gives the guitar to Adrien to please Marinette. Wtf??

And still, we’re not even four minutes in. At this point, I know this is going to be a very long episode.

So, now the introduction to this episode’s akuma, Desperada. I ain’t mad it. Cool costume design, semi legit reason for akumatization, also, we now know what that random akuma from the Gamer 2.0 episode is that we were all like who the heck is that?

Fast forward a little here: Mari has a bit of an ah-ha moment with Tikki like “omg why did I give the guitar to Adrien? Why am I like this?” (Unfortunately it isn’t the development we’re hoping for though, as we find out very soon)

There are some quality Lukadrien moments as they both try to hide from Desperada and help Ladybug.

There’s a moment where Luka plays his guitar and both Ladybug and Adrien go all dreamy eyed, which I loved (Lukadrinette for the win) but my salty ass kinda wanted Adrien to see Ladybug getting goo-goo eyed over someone else and get jealous. Lmao

Anyways, so Lucky Charm gives her a gong and we all know that means it’s time for a new miraculous holder. Yay! Of course it’s obvious now this is Viperion’s episode but there’s a moment of confusion (and an epic face palm) when Marinette is all “I know the perfect person for the job! 🥁 Adrien!”

Seriously? Wtf.

Upon hearing that Ladybug wants to give the miraculous to Adrien, Chat Noir distracts Ladybug long enough to destransform so he can accept it.

Also see here how he pushes Luka back into the locker like “why don’t you just stay here 😉” so she won’t think to give it to him instead, when she can’t immediately find Adrien.

So Adrien and Plagg debate (read: Plagg tries to talk some sense into his idiot holder who completely ignores him cuz “omg ladybug needs me!” Um, yeah dipshit, she needs you to be Chat Noir) and for a hot minute I think we’re gonna get Snake Noir. But, Adrien wants Ladybug to fall in love with him as ‘himself’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ So never mind.

Also for a hot minute I think Adrien is going to actually do the right thing and refuse, but of course not, because this is ML...

Side note: Adrien’s acting when he opens the box and pretends to be surprised to see a kwami is on point.

Side side note: I don’t know what I expected Sass’s transformation phrase to be, but it def wasn’t “scales slither” 😒 and also, his transformation sequence is terrible and that costume is a travesty. (His end pose also kinda reminds of the gif of the guy from Road to El Dorado aggressively playing the mandolin😂)

Anyway, so for basically the first time ever, we actually see Ladybug explaining the miraculous rules and powers to the new holder. Adrien tells a corny joke and basically acts just like Chat, to which Ladybug giggles

Again I think Adrien is about to do the right thing when Ladybug basically tells him to his face that Chat Noir is an unnecesary part of the team; so, naturally, he doesn’t.

Basically both of these kids act like selfish little shits so they can spend time together. For once I’m actually very proud of Plagg for calling Adrien out. “You’re supposed to be saving Paris, not flirting!”

What happens next is a montage of Adrien epically failing to save Ladybug with the Second Chance (do I sense a metaphor here? Is this foreshadowing? Ha! As if). He finally gives up the miraculous and good lord, thank you!

Then we find out he failed over 25k times before he finally made the right call...

So Luka shows up and of course it’s Adrien who is all “Luka should have the miraculous” not Ladybug (because she can’t actually chose Luka herself for anything) And of course Luka just stands there while she kisses Adrien and thanks him for his help, blatantly letting Luka know he was the second choice (def a metaphor). *sigh*

Luka’s transformation of course is hella dope. I really wanted Ladybug to have an “oh no. He’s hot” moment, cuz let’s be real...

Also, why is Ladybug suddenly completely cool with civilians knowing the identity of a miraculous holder???

We’re now over 17 minutes into the episode, nearly the end, and I’m just now realizing that the episode where Luka is introduced as Viperion, isn’t even about him.

Luka then, after a couple of tries, actually is the one to figure out how to win, proving he was the right pick for the snake from the get go. He plays the damn Lyre, because of course he does, and they use Ladybug’s second Lucky Charm (a saddle btw. What the actual hell. This is some more weird, 50 shades type shit (see Reverser)) to defeat the akuma.

Back on the boat, Jagged again apologizes for being a diva and instead of getting some resolution to the Lukanette mistreatment at the beginning of the episode, we get Kagami once again being all “better step up Marinette before I steal your man” which is just the cherry on the cake really

Other notes:

- in my opinion, this entire episode was essentially Adrien/Ladrien fan service

- as another poster astutely pointed out: Adrien acted basically exactly the same while Aspik as he does when Chat Noir, essentially blowing up Tom’s whole theory about Chat being the “real” Adrien

-Master Fu: this miraculous should be given to someone who won’t abuse it

Ladybug: gives it to Adrien- who proceeds to abuse it

- all I think we learned from this episode, is that both Adrien and Marinette need to get over their obsessions with Ladybug/Adrien because it severely impedes their ability to make rational, sensible, non-selfish decisions.

Also, that knowing each other’s identities really isn’t a good idea. Yeah I hear you, “what about Oblivio?” In Oblivio, they literally knew nothing about each other, other than they cared about each other and they worked well together. There was no ‘hero worship’ ‘he/she’s so perfect’ mentality to get in the way, just good old fashioned trust. So does knowing who the other is actually work for them?

Ha! I’ve been dying for a good opportunity to use that set

I don’t think I’ve said it before on here, but def in my comments on my fic I Wanna Be Bad: I loved Adrien when this show started. Of the cast of characters, he def had the most potential. Lately though I’ve kinda given up on him.

He’s had zero growth. In fact, some times I think he’s actually gone backwards, especially as Chat Noir. He’s become increasingly petulant and childish and hasn’t learned a damn thing about respecting Ladybug’s boundaries or how to take being a hero seriously. It’s honestly killing the love square for me.

The writing on this show in general has become atrocious. For instance, this episode (according to reported production order) takes place after Silencer. Meaning Mari sat there and listened to Luka confess to her twice, and then goes and says he’s “just a friend” (yes, literally. She pulled an Adrien) and continues to humiliate herself for a guy who’s openly shown an interest in another girl.

It’s so painful to watch. Just as it’s painful to see Chat continually rip his heart out for LB even when she keeps turning him down.

Enough is enough already. We get it. Let them move on. Just because they date other people, doesn’t mean they won’t still end up together. That’s called reality.

[bigskydreaming]

hi, im new to reading actual comics and i just read the court of owls. this was the first time id ever seen bruce actually hit dick—does that happen a lot? i was honestly shocked at it. and bruce never apologized. im trying to understand why bruce would do that—why do you think? i dont think the comic was glorifying it at all but it was still there and im a little dumbfounded as to why the writers thought that was appropriate to put in there. what are your thoughts?

Its shitty writing. That’s the ultimate answer. Every instance of Bruce’s kids ever has been an instance of shitty writing, because it never gets addressed or followed up on, and its not like there’s EVER a good reason to write a father hitting his kids unless you’re specifically centering the kids and trying to write a story of abuse and learning to recognize and accept that yes, this is actually happening to them now what do they do with that awareness and understanding....and let’s be frank, that’s not a story that DC has ever desired or intended to write with Bruce in the position of that father.

So flat out, no equivocation, every instance of Bruce hitting his kids ever, has been shitty, unacceptable writing, no matter the context or the follow-up, because the end takeaway at the heart of the matter is always, always, always, that whatever each writer’s actual intention when writing those scenes, they definitively did not ‘intend’ for it to be seen as abusive.

But that means jack shit in terms of whether what was actually shown on the page, was in fact abusive. Which has been the case, more than once, and with more than one of his kids.

So unfortunately, he has been physically violent with Dick on more than one occasion, in which there was no chance of it being spun as mind control or like, them fighting as equals because of some story position or whatever, where it was just definitively, a father hitting his son for his own emotional reasons or whatever. It happened after Jason’s death, it happened in the Court of Owls arc, it happened after Dick briefly died and was resuscitated in Forever Evil and Bruce was trying to get him to go undercover without anyone else knowing he’d survived yet. There have been a couple other times where the two of them have come to mutual blows in a fight that started as just a verbal argument, but I tend not to focus on those for a number of reasons but tbh, mostly just because its an uphill battle getting people to address even the times when its most clear that Bruce is without a doubt unjustified and dishing out abuse that is in no way reciprocated. There’s no real chance to even get around to the scenes that are complicated by additional layers.

And again to be clear, this kind of shit writing isn’t just limited to Dick. Bruce has been physically violent with Jason ever since he came back as the Red Hood in more than one altercation, with there being the flimsy justification in some of these stories that well, technically Jason is ‘the bad guy’ and Bruce is just doing what he has to in order to stop him....but with more than one instance of Bruce being overly violent with Jason in ways that he isn’t with even some of the worst criminals or villains in other stories, thus making it impossible to interpret as anything other than Bruce’s aggression being heightened by his emotional turmoil at Jason’s actions, the fact that he’s fighting his own son, Bruce’s own issues, etc, etc....

Which ultimately all just boils down to...Bruce is violent with Jason and to degrees that he isn’t with even his most notorious villains, and his own emotional state is the only explanation possible, which makes the over the top nature of Bruce’s violence in these scenes outright abuse, no matter the existence of the ‘well Jason technically was doing something that Bruce was trying to stop, it was more of a hero vs antihero thing rather than a father vs son thing’ attempt at spinning it otherwise. Notable and notorious instances of this are Bruce’s way of ‘finishing’ things in UTRH, RHATO #25, etc.

With Tim, the only real instance so far has been Batman #71, the King written bullshit I spoke of, and tbh I’m still so steamed at his attempt at justifying that, like, just read the latest issue to see the full story there because I refuse to even dignify that particular bit of abuse apologism with a paraphrasing.

And unfortunately, Bruce has definitely been written being emotionally abusive with all his kids at various points or another, with again the real culprit usually being dumbass fuckferrett writer assholes who wouldn’t know how to write a healthy parent/child interaction if your Higher Power of Choice directly appeared in their room, shining with benevolence and full-on “Do Not Test Me On This”  wattage, and then handing them a script that word for word laid out how to write out a healthy parent/child interaction for the scene they were beginning....like, they’d STILL find a way to fuck it up, that’s how bad these particular writers are at recognizing This Is A Good Action and This is A Bad Action, Bad, B-A-D, DON’T DO IT.

And the thing is, that’s not Bruce Wayne at his core characterization. I don’t believe it is anymore than even the most die-hard Bruce fan, which I most decidedly am not. I’m here for his kids, he can stay when he’s doting and on his best Dadly behavior, but he’s always on thin ice with me at this point and on his own, I’m usually just like meh, wouldn’t adopting an orphan right about now be a better use of your time?

But for sure, Bruce absolutely has been written as a good parent in canon as well, and has everything he needs character wise to constantly have that portrayal of him upheld and prioritized instead of his worse traits but like. We have definitely gotten Bad Dad Bruce in canon, and more frequently than any of us would like....which is where we usually turn to fandom, for fix-its.

And there’s lots of Good Dad Bruce Wayne in fanfics. Its even its own tag. And I have no problem with most of those fics in spirit, or the concept in general, I’m just very opinionated and knee-jerk about abuse apologism across the board, so I mean...if it were up to me, I’d much rather normalize tags like “Bruce Wayne Can Be A Good Dad” and “Bruce Wayne Can Be A Bad Dad.” I don’t generally like broad-sweeping declarations made about characters that no one person can ever ensure consistent characterization for, so no matter how understandable the intent, I object to the idea of Good Dad Bruce Wayne protection squads or tags on the basis of like...how easily that can lead straight into abuse apologism, with people making the claim “Bruce would never do what he did in canon story (x)....because Bruce is a Good Dad and good dads don’t do that.” Well no, they don’t. In theory. Cuz problem is in reality, supposedly good dads do things like that all the time, because nobody IMO is truly good or bad, they just do good or bad things and even a person with a track record of doing mostly good things can occasionally surprise people, even themselves, by doing something horrific.

 And like, when we’re talking about fictional characters I’m all for arguing that something was out of character because with fiction you CAN actually consider a writer’s intent and compare and contrast it with what’s on the page, like you CAN technically say well, the writer SAID in this interview here, that they did this because they were thinking x, y and z....and then you could feasibly point to the actual on the page depiction of that scene and say okay but look at x, y and z here...what we actually got clearly isn’t what they claim they were actually going for, so they fucked it up, it wasn’t even their own intention, so like....I argue that this was out of character and shouldn’t be given too much weight. 

You can’t do that in reality. Impact is what matters. The effect. Not the cause. The intent. No matter how uncharacteristic an up until that point  ‘good dad’ striking their kid is for them....they’re not a character. They’re a person. It CAN’T be out of character, its them that did it, their action that caused the effect of their kid being abused, with no take backs for that, no rewind that will ever undo whatever effect that has on the rest of their relationship from that day forward, or whether they even have one at all.

And people have trouble setting firm boundaries on what they will defend in fiction versus what they will defend or call out as indefensible in reality, it isn’t nearly as either or as a lot of people try and tell themselves it is, IMO....like, my stance tends to be that if you can’t even condemn a fictional character for doing a clearly abusive thing, how do you think you can definitively say you’re sure you’d be able to condemn a loved one for doing a clearly abusive thing? Y’know? Its not as easy to separate as people like to make it out to be, so I’m hugely against abuse apologism in fandom because I think a lot of times....the way we react to these things in terms of favorite fictional characters can potentially end up a training ground for how we react to these things in real life, if they end up happening at a later point.

So I’m very critical of Bruce in a lot of my posts, but its not because I don’t want him to be good for his kids or don’t think he can be written that way....and not even because I don’t get the thought process behind ‘well I don’t view his character as being capable of that when he’s written the ways that drew me to his character in the first place, and this kind of behavior isn’t what I’m here for, it isn’t escapism for me and it just depresses me so I choose not to interact with or acknowledge these specific parts of canon.’

My issues arise from the specific ways a lot of fans attempt to write around these instances of canon, in order to not have to factor it into Bruce’s character and their view and depiction of it...while often times failing to apply similarly transformative energy to the characters Bruce hurt in these instances of canon. And when that happens, its a problem, IMO....because you end up writing Good Dad Bruce Wayne....and his kids who are at times resentful or bitter or argumentative or wary...as they are shown at times to be in canon....largely BECAUSE of those moments in canon where he’s written at his worst and does fucked up things. But without acknowledging those parts of canon at all, AND without similarly rewriting the course of events in his KIDS’ lives as much as you do in Bruce’s himself.....the end result often ends up being that you have Good Dad Bruce Wayne and a bunch of stubborn brats that according to this narrative spin have no reason for being as resentful or bitter or argumentative or wary as they’re being here...since THEY’RE still being written according to their full, overall canon characterization, with no specific chunks chiseled out.

And then of course, my other major issue with abuse apologism in fandom arises from how often fans seem willing to tackle the possibility or instances of Bad Dad Bruce Wayne in order to write fix-it fics and headcanons and meta for the times he’s hurt Jason or Tim or Damian, etc.....but then selectively erase or ignore the instances he’s done similar shit to Dick...because so much of this fandom insists on this take that he’s specifically favored by Bruce and has received special treatment that justifies the others’ occasional resentment of him, and the resentment of their fans for him. So there’s this kinda thing where you end up with a lot of fandom ignoring or refusing to acknowledging some fairly pivotal canon events because Bruce Would Never Do That, He’s A Good Dad.....AND then on top of that you have a lot of the rest of fandom ignoring or refusing to acknowledge some equally pivotal canon events because Bruce Would Never Do That To Dick, He’s A Good Dad To Dick...Its Just Everyone Else He Fucks Up With.

And that kind of selective acknowledgment of abuse for reasons of personal character preference like...get under my skin, BIG TIME. *Shrugs*

[ironwoman359]

i.. can I ask.. for Vergil angst.. cuz.. irl is. .i'm.. things are. I'm in a bad spot.. an your writing helps.. Please help? Oi.. anxiety makes mee feel kinda more.. uh. sounds stupid. I'm sorry. but.. You do amazing work.. it usually leaves me in tears but. Anxiety an me seems.. I mean it's stupid.. I .. sorry. realy I'm sorry. but your stories with him make me.. feel better?

Of course you may. And it’s not stupid at all

Virgil angst, let’s see…

Word Count: 1,578

Pairings: Moxiety (could be romantic or platonic) and side Logince (romantic)

Warnings: anxiety, panic attacks, allusions to abuse, crying. Hurt/comfort.

It was a fairly quiet night before Patton’s phone rang. His parents weren’t home, they were out of town at some conference, and his brother was upstairs studying, so Patton had the TV in the living room to himself. He was about to hit play on another episode of Parks and Recreation when his phone lit up and began playing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” the ringtone he had set for his best friend.

“Hello?” he said, picking up the phone.

At first, he couldn’t hear anything on the other end of the phone, but then a broken sob came through the speakers and Patton jolted upright. 

“Virgil? Hello?” he tried again, and this time all he could hear was his friend’s breathing…or rather, his lack thereof as it came in short, strangled gasps. 

“Virgil, listen to the sound of my voice, okay?” Patton said, doing his best not to panic. That would only make things worse. “I need you to breathe, alright? Just breathe slowly, and focus on me. I’m right here, okay Virge? Just match my breathing…” 

Patton wracked his brain, trying to remember the things that were supposed to help during a panic attack. Controlling your breathing was one of them, and he was doing that…or at least, he hoped he was. He was breathing as steadily as he could, and he thought he heard Virgil’s breath even out over the phone but he wasn’t sure. 

“P-pat?” Virgil’s voice was impossibly small through the tiny speaker on Patton’s phone, but even then, he could hear the tremor behind the simple word. 

“I’m right here Kiddo, I’m right here with you, you’re gonna be okay, I promise, just…just breathe for me, please Virgil. You can do this…” 

Patton’s voice was growing louder as his heartbeat quickened. He had to help, but he couldn’t remember what to do, Virgil needed him and he was being useless… 

“Patton?” That voice wasn’t Virgil’s shaky, far away one, it was steady and calm and sure. 

Patton looked up to see his older brother standing in the doorway, a confused but concerned look on his face. Patton nearly cried with relief. 

“Virgil, Logan’s here. He’s really good at this stuff, remember? I’m gonna put him on and he-” 

“n-no…” It was more of a gasp than a word, and Patton wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly until Virgil spoke again. “D-don’t…don’t leave me…” 

Patton looked up at Logan helplessly, but thankfully his big brother seemed to understand. He sat down next to Patton on the couch and said quietly: 

“Ask him to look for five things he can see.“ 

“Virgil?” Patton repeated into the phone. “I’m right here, I promise, I��m not leaving…can you look around and tell me five things you can see right now?” 

“I- I don’t know…” 

“Please Virgil, you can do it, I know you can. Just five little things, that’s all.” 

“Um…there’s…there’s a trash can,” Virgil finally said in-between shaky breaths, and Patton nodded. 

“That’s great Kiddo, keep going.” 

“Streetlamp,” Virgil gasped. “And cracks…cracks in the sidewalk.”

Patton looked up at Logan, his eyes wide with worry. Virgil was outside? Alone, at this time of night? Logan nodded encouragingly at him, and Patton took a deep breath. 

“That’s great Virgil, you’re doing so good. Two more now, come on.” 

“I…”

“It’s okay Virge, you’re doing fine,” Patton reassured, trying to keep a tremor from his own voice. 

“Stoplight. In…at the end of the street, there…there’s a stoplight. And, a car. A car is stopped there.” 

“Good,” Patton’s voice cracked and he put a hand over his mouth so Virgil wouldn’t hear him cough to clear his throat. “That was great Virgil, I’m so proud of you…” 

“Now four things he can touch,” Logan gently prodded, and Patton repeated the command into the phone. 

By the time they finished the exercise, Virgil’s voice was calmer, steadier, and some of the tightness in Patton’s chest was gone. 

“I’m sorry,” Virgil said almost as soon as he’d calmed down. “I didn’t mean to bother you, I just didn’t know what else to do, and I-” 

“Virgil,” Patton said with as much strength as he could muster. “You’re not bothering me. You’re never bothering me, and you call…you call me anytime you need, alright?” 

“I…”

“I mean it, Virgil.” 

“O-okay,” Virgil agreed shakily. Then, after a moment’s silence, he added a quiet “Thank you.” 

“Virgil…” Patton looked over hesitantly at Logan, who nodded at him again. “Virgil, where…where are you right now?” 

“I…” there was a pause, and Patton imagined Virgil looking around as he thought about his answer. “I’m not sure…I wasn’t thinking, I just ran out the door and I kept running and running until I couldn’t anymore, and I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t think at all, it’s like my brain was frozen, and I don’t know how but I called you, and-” 

“Shhhh…” Patton interrupted Virgil before he could spiral out of control again. “It’s okay now Virge, I’m right here. Listen to my voice, okay? Just focus on me, it’ll be alright.’

“I’m sorry,” Virgil mumbled agaig, and Patton wanted nothing more than to crawl through his phone so he could be right there next to Virgil. 

“Ask him for a street name,” Logan whispered, already standing up and grabbing his jacket from the back of a nearby chair. 

Patton repeated the question, and after a moment Virgil was able to give them one. 

“Stay right there, okay Virgil?” Patton said as Logan grabbed his car keys. “We’re coming to get you.” 

“Don’t…don’t hang up?” Virgil pleaded, and Patton shook his head. 

“I won’t, Virge, I promise. I’m staying right here, I’m not going anywhere, okay?” 

Patton kept talking, about what he wasn’t even sure, as Logan drove out of their neighborhood and into the part of town where Virgil was. Once they reached the right street, Logan slowed the car and Patton leaned out his window, scanning the sidewalk desperately for any sign of his friend. 

“I…think I see you,” Virgil whispered into the phone just as Logan called out 

“There!”

Patton dropped his phone on the seat as he scrambled to exit the car, running towards the small, huddled form of his friend sitting curled up on the sidewalk next to a trash can. Patton stopped a few feet short of Virgil and squatted down in front of him. Virgil’s hood was drawn up against the chill of the evening air, but Patton could still see part of a bruise blossoming on one side of his friend’s face. 

“Can I-” he asked as he reached forward hesitantly, not wanting to push against any of Virgil’s boundaries. 

Virgil responded by practically flinging himself at Patton, shoulders shaking with fresh sobs as Patton’s arms immediately went around him in a tight hug. 

They sat there for awhile, Patton murmuring comforting words into Virgil’s ear while he cried, before Logan approached the pair of them cautiously.

“It’s cold tonight,” he said with an uncharacteristic gentleness. “Why don’t we get out of here, hm?” 

Virgil nodded, and let Patton pull him to his feet and lead him to Logan’s car. The two sat pressed together in the backseat; no words were spoken while they drove, but plenty was still said. 

They reached home, and Patton wasted no time in wrapping Virgil up in as many blankets as he could find and pressing a warm mug of hot cocoa into his hands. 

Logan sat next to them on the couch, and after a few minutes of silence, asked a simple question. 

“Do you wish to talk about it?” 

Virgil almost immediately shook his head, and Logan nodded once. 

“Very well then.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, hitting a few buttons then holding it up to his ear. “Hello, Roman? It’s me…No, I am not calling because I “cannot go a day without hearing your voice.” I’m sure your ego will survive, Roman. Listen, can you come over? And bring your Disney collection. No, I am not “admitting defeat,” Virgil’s here, and….yes. Yes, it is. Yes, Patton is with him. Alright. See you in ten.” 

Approximately sixteen minutes later, Roman arrived carrying a bag full of Disney DVDs and a grocery bag filled with junk food. 

“Can’t have a marathon without the proper supplies!” Roman declared, dumping the bag’s contents onto the couch, revealing them all to be among Virgil’s favorite snacks and drinks. He popped the first DVD, Tangled, into the player before plopping down on the couch next to Logan, lacing their fingers together and planting a kiss on his cheek. Logan turned slightly pink, but leaned his head on Roman’s shoulder and allowed him to run his fingers through his hair. 

Virgil, ever so slowly, began to relax, snuggling closer to Patton as he absently nibbled on a stick of licorice, his eyes glued to the TV. Patton kept an arm wrapped around Virgil’s shoulders, even after the other boy’s eyes drifted closed towards the end of their second movie. Patton looked over to Roman and Logan, who were both watching the pair of them with soft expressions. 

Thank you, Patton mouthed, and Roman smiled as Logan nodded. 

In the morning, they would talk, try and figure out what to do, and make sure Virgil had whatever support he needed. But for the moment, the four of them were together, they were warm, and they were safe. 

And for now, that was enough. 

A/N: I hope this was helpful to you, love. Feel better soon.

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[c-atm]

Snow day Prompt: Bittersweet meeting *p1*

“Looks like it'll be a big storm. Don't think the others are coming today.." The seventeen year old stated as he looked at the start of snowfall.

Part of him wanted to leave as well but his pride as club leader president wouldn't allow him, you never know who might need some assistance or help in this school, which is why he created the 'Crystal gems'.

From student counseling to school events to setting parlays between students, the Crystal gems goal is to make every Diamond high student as smooth as possible. Which is why they, for the most part, butt heads with student council every so often.

The SC feels that the CG overstep their boundaries at times. Though they cannot deny the good they have done. Even if their methods come off as questionable. It's less animosity and more of a rivalry between the two on whose better for the school. Still they get some funding from the treasury cause they are an official club, that get results.

“Universe..Shouldn't you be heading out?”  a gruff voice called out to him. He turned to see  three girls standing in the hall, looking in.He gave them a small smile before taking a seat on the club rooms sofa.

“Awe...You're worry about me Jasp, That's sweet of you cuz.”

The girl in question scoffed lightly as she hid her small smile under her orange scarf. Tall and muscular but also very feminine, with wild white hair, gold contacts and faded brown skin with white  stripes of vitiligo; which only made her more exotic.Her name’s Jasper, vice president of the student council and his younger cousin.

Behind her stood two others. A slender woman of average height and a swimmers build. Her ocean colored hair and dark sand colored skin, with striking eyes as blue as her namesake Lapis lazuli. She was the secretary of the  student council and scuba team Captain.

The last part of this trio was small and shapely, just braking five feet, five-three with her gravity defying, greenish-blonde hair, a natural light tan, her infamous goggles over some of the brightest green eyes you'd ever seen. The student council treasurer and fire cracker, Peridot.

all three were dress in the standard academy  uniform( White blazer, yellow blouse, pink tie and blue skirt) under their wool, leather  and down coats, respectively.

“Joking aside, she's right Steven..We're supposed to be getting a few feet through the night. It's best if you head home now, before it gets worst...We’d wait for you, if you want.”  The bluenette suggested with a small smile.

“Tempting, but I still have some work to finish, beside you never know who might need some advice.”  Lapis’s smiled faltered a bit at his refusal.

“Told you, he'd say no. Him and Boss are both the same.” Peridot sighed exasperatedly

“So, the President still here as well? That works in my favor, there something i wanted to discuss with her.”

The three girls looked as Steven to rub his chin and a small smirk appeared on his lips. While Peridot grinned, almost cackled; Jasper sent Lapis a apologetically knowing glance, who in responded in a slight wave. Jasper cleared her throat before walking up to Steven,her left hand open and free, her right held the keys to her car.

“Your keys, give’em here Steven.”

Steven would have argued a bit, but the fact that she used her ‘family’ tone and gave him the look she always did when she was worried about other, left him no resistance. He dug into the back of his slacks and produced a key to his motorcycle with a small pink lion plush on one of the chains.  The two exchanged keys, before Jasper headed to the locker in the far left and grabbed three helmets and some goggles from it. She passed the green one to Peridot, a blue to Lapis and kept a large orange one and the goggles for herself.

“Don’t stay too late Steven…”

“And you don’t go too fast on lion…”  He turned towards the other two “Make sure she don’t break 25, just because it’s not that bad yet and I had the tires redone for the season, dosen't mean your perfectly safe.”

Lapis and Peridot gave their word, despite Jasper protest of being a responsible driver. A protest that ended shortly after Steven admitted to trusting her with his ride, making her feel a bit smug.

“Alright guys, we should head home before we all have to load up in Jasper tuna can of a car.”  

Jasper growled at Peridot’s comment before giving her cousin a quick one armed hug, Not to be left out; Peridot gave the young man a quick friendly hug causing the tallest girl to roll her eyes and Steven to chuckle.  He blushed when he heard Peri whispered something into his stomach and the sly look on her face didn’t help. He shook his head as she broke the hug and basically skipped out of the room once again joking about Jasper car when she was a good ways away, causing Jasper to chase after her. Lapis  and Steven looked as the two took off, when they heard Peri yelled.

“MAKE SURE TO TAKE THE PRESIDENT HOME AS WELL, GOOO~OOD LUU~UUUCK!”

“I better go before she kills Peri.”

“Yeah,that’s a good idea. Get home safe, Lappie.”  Red face and head down, Lapis delivered a weak trembling punch to the boys stomach.

“You rejected me already, so save that charm for her...I’m rooting for you”

With a small kiss upon his cheek and a wipe of a tear, Lapis ran to catch up with Jasper and Peri. Steven shook his head with a sigh as he turned around and laid on the couch.  He watched as the snow lightly fell, with a peaceful look, dozing off as he did.

It was a melodic sound. A familiar one as well, he’d recognize it anywhere on earth. A simple feminine humming from his left. He turned towards it and saw a indian-american woman of his age sitting on the loveseat. Pad and pen in hand and headphones over her head; humming to a song on her mp4.

That natural walnut skin, shiny black eyes; long  curly brown hair that flowed like a waterfall that cute slightly pointed nose and those small yet full lips. She was a bit taller than lapis, curvier than Peridot; and strong...not Jasper strong, but a fencer and athletic build.  She sat, one leg over the other, in an alternative school outfit (pink blazer, yellow skirt,blue shirt, and pink tie). The Student President of Diamond Academy, tennis and fencer all star; Connie Maheswaran.

“That uniform fits you very well.”

“Why, thank you” Steven shocked and red face allowed Connie arched an eyebrow and smirk at CG leader. Steven sat up with a stretch and a crack of the neck.

“Time?”

“Only fifteen to five.”

“So..30 minutes, see you made yourself comfortable; Ms.President.”

“Was waiting for my best friend to wake.” Connie pulled her head phones down to her shoulder as she watch him get up and walk behind her and gave her a small hug, which she returned  by squeezing his left bicep.

“Tea?”

“ Green, please.”

Giving her a smile the seventeen year old released his hold, a bit reluctantly, before going to the mini fridge getting two bottle of spring water, four  tea bags from a nearby locker; and turning on the electric tea kettle that Pearl, one of the club members; brought for the room.

“So really what brings you to the room? And how long have  you been here?”

“No reason. Just making rounds saw you here in this nice warm room, decided to come in for a bit. I’ve only been here for about 10 minutes. Is that ok?”

“All are welcomed, but you get special privileges; like this tea.” Steven pointed to  the kettle with a smirk. Connie place three fingers on her blouse and gasp in exaggerated fashion.

“Talk about the V.I.P treatment.” She sent him a half smirk. “You wouldn't be trying to get something from me, Right Mr, Universe.”

he let use a low chuckle as he handed her a mug, and sat back on the couch. “Now whatever gave you that idea?”

“That chuckle for one, and the fact that you left a list of funds proposals on the table.”

“I swear they are all needed.” The pace of that statement caused the president to arched an eyebrow and pursed her lips.

“Uh-huh and what pray tell, does these items have to do with your club activities?”

“As you know, our club was main goal to ensure that our fellow students have a pleasant  school life...Which we have done very well.”

“Methods aside..Sure.”

“Negotiations doesn't always work with words alone..sometimes games need to be played, parlays need to be made-”

“Classrooms need to be close off, dances need to be unofficially hosted; disguises need to be worn.”

“We always brought the costumes back in pristine condition” Connie stone face made him sigh. “ok, working condition.”

“and the fighting?”

“Oh, like you never used your skills outside of an match.”

Connie shrugged, a small toothy grin on her face. “The S.C does double as a disciplinary committee.. You guys don't.”

“Fair enough,  but you can't argue that we have gotten results-”

“Steven,I'm not going to deny your proposal for these items... Though, I don't  know why you don't talk to the headmaster themselves..you are related after all.”

“No way. Last Thing I need is people thinking I am privileged.

“....Just choose some soon, ok?”

the spontaneity of the statement and tiredness of her voice aroused suspicion in him. He scooted over and patted the cushion  next to him. She took the lifeline quickly as she sat beside him, leaned on his shoulder and grasped his hand, he did nothing but intertwined  his fingers with hers.

“You doing ok, President?”

“Just tired of talking shop, is all. Been planning the winter formal and been dealing with disputes between clubs.”

“You could send some of those disputes over here.”

“and have Jasper be on my case..no thanks, I choose peace... but the dance we could use a little ---.” Connie growled mid sentence, facepalming as she did.“No.. No more talk of S.C. work.”

Steven looked on with a smirk at her antics. “Sorry..So how has things been with you, personally? Still dating that Jeff guy?”

“Wow...weeks since we really spoke and that the first thing you ask, wait... how did you know I was dating...ANYONE?”

“He did come to us for advice...Though I was sick for that week. Garnet took control of that one…”

“and…”

Steven looked at her and rubbed the back of his head. “ On my day back, I caught you two giggling and such afterschool..You wasn't were we usually meet up for our ride home. I saw you two and was quick to figure what was going on.”

“Oh… Steven, I'm so sorry I-”

“Hey, No problem you don't have to tell me everything..I mean he's your boyfriend… you have, nothing to be apologetic about. Heard he's a good guy…” Steven glared and his voice, chilling “He IS a good guy..right?”

“I guess? We were only together for a month before I broke it off.”

“Ooo..May I ask why?”

Connie shrugged with a sigh. “Wasn't actually  attracted to him, but I figure I'd give the guy a chance. He has good ambition, wanting to go into film and such a nice guy but...just no real spark between us.”

Steven nodded. “It's like that sometimes”

“True...I'm mad at you though.” Connie playful pokes called the bigger teen to laugh. “Six weeks and no hang out, no rides on lion; no games night” What started off as jovial and teasing, ended serious and cool. Connie frown was pronounced and her eyes sharp. “and why? cause some guy that didn't even last a whole month…”

Steven glared back just as hard. “You didn't  exactly try to talk to me too much either.”

Connie growled slightly at this before sighing..this was not what she wanted. “You're right..I wanted to talked to you, but something happened…other than jeff”

“Oh..and what was that?”

“You rejecting Lapis…”

[youryuri-x]

₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ʕ•̫͡•ʔ ₍ᐢ._.ᐢ₎ ᐢ..ᐢ

Today has been up and down

Up and down up and down. It hasn't stopped. Not since morning...all i wanted was for you to have the best birthday.for you to be happy on your birthday. I wished and I manifested. And I'm so so happy to hear have had the the happy birthday you deserve.

Aw you looked so cute today...your birthday sash that was completely adorable on you and odlysuited you really well...i thought you looked so so good in it...every day I look at you.

Hehe you really did look like 'the king of the day' , or whatever it said on that sash...

I take a moment (it many) to take in your beauty. I'm always shocked at how much of an immense amount of beauty you posses...its like every day your beauty gets more and more ethereal...

You always just radiate this aura that attracts me so much...whether it's through your beauty or through anything you do...its just wow.

And today your aura was such a beautiful one. It was almost like you were glowing with the birthday fever of happiness and excitement, and as soon as you were in my presence I felt it too.

Seeing your 15 year old self for the first time was....wow.i

was feeling pretty on edge so when you came over to me as calm and as loving and cuddly as ever it made me so happy. That you stiw had time for me on your special day...it was such a huge comfort for me that you still cared about me even though it was your day...your perfect your perfect your perfect...

I said happy birthday to you and then you said it back hehe. It was rly cute and gave off the kinda clumsy almost shy vibes.... I've never seen that vibe comimg from you before...or maybe it was just me that noticed that.

But yes the highlight of my day personally was that moment.when you came over to me excited and in a lil clumsy shy tizz, and I told you happy birthday and you said it back to me. That was one of the most cute things I've ever seen you do irl...i wanna hear you do it again....

The rest of that lesson, which was English went by.

I got the plesure of being able to look at my birthday boy being happy out of the corner of my eye while trying to write something down about lady macbeth or whatever.but ngl I was definitely more focused on you.

English is that lesson of the day where I can look at your side profile for 50 minutes streight. And I love your side profile just watching you talk to someone or look at the bird or my personal favourite thing to watch is you running your hands through your hair, and from the side I get the best veiw.

I swear most of what I do in English is watch you like your something very very interesting on the TV lol.

But your side profile...its like a ethereal painting of an angel...so beautiful...and also kinds hot at the same time...

But yes you are compleatly mesmerising to watch...so interesting...i physically can't take my eyes off you.

I try and look somewhere else but my eyes wonder their gazr to look back at you. And I don't blame them. Your beautiful so beautiful. My eyes just can't miss such beauty.theh are drawn to your beauty like a moth to a flame...

Sorry if I sound creepy...i probably am..its just that my eyes can't stop looking at you...

You make English lessons such a treat to my eyes..and to my imagination. My current favourite fantasy is of me biting your neck like some sort of vampire lol >~<

I can't help thinking it. Ik it probably sounds weird but your neck just seems to be calling me to take a lil bite.... (sorry im weird asf)

But then the bell rang desrupting my vampire ass fantasies and snapping me back into the real world where I needed to get to physics, and biting your neck unfortunately wasn't my main concern...

Pysics...

I got to the class sat down and..wellt thought about you ngl. Just in a general way. Panicked that everyone else had got you better stuff for your birthday, and that I haddnt done enough, since I was the one with the honour of being your girlfriend.

And I mean your basically a god so it's a pretty big honor...

I between these thoughts I was doing the actual work that needed doing, and turning round to cheak the clock despite having a watch on.

Anything to see a glimpse of you, the light of my life in a dull 50 minute gray morbidity that is also known as Pysics.

The main event in physics was when you walked to the front of the class, allowing my eyes to take in your whole immage. I basically held by breath and just focused on you till I started subconsciously fiddling with my stapler again and gazing at you, basically drooling under my mask and then...

I stapled my mf finger. Your mf beautiful self made me staple my finger. It diddnt really hurt, until it started pissing out blood. I put a plaster on it and it was fine, but it shows how much of a klutz I am, and also how much of a sucker for you I also am...

Then it was breaktime. I gave you your present, and told you not to open it in front of me. Ngl it was a selfish asf thing to say...i was really self conscious...beacuse I knew everyone had got you great presents, especially after you told me that naci had made such an effort for you...

[Ngl I envy naci. She what I want to look like. Be like. I mean she has my old best friend and knows you I should stop lol. But just if your ever reading this, I've been envious of her ever since I've first saw her. Life isn't fair why can't I look like her?! I swear you'd be with her if I wasn't there...shes just wow. I wanna me her yknow lol? 🥺😩😩]

But yes I was really self conscious, and feeling in my full on jelous moody people hate mood, especially for the people who you were friends with...

It was probably down to the 3 hours of sleep I'd been getting for the last week each night, and the fact I'd been on the edge. But I feel really bad for saying that... I should have just lrt you open them...

Ngl I wish I'd have been able to see you put on a smile when you opened it. Put on the bracelet I made for you...too late now, but ig this will be a lesson to future me...

I swear allot of the time I use these blogs for getting better. Like being better to you cuz I read through my mistakes and I try to be better. That's why I'm making a note of these things lol.

Then I went with Angel beacuse I knew if I stuck around I could be a harard, being a jelous sleep deprived slightly Yandere aspie girl, I just decided to remove myself, cuz I was feeling like a big angry self concous raincloud and wanted to stay out of your way to give you the best day possible lol.

So then it was biology a lesson of looking at your extreamly attractive back profile....

And half listening to miss heart go on about the heart, ofc. All i knew was my heart circulates my blood around my body for you. Cuz your the one who makes it beat. And you make it beat fast.

I was watching you..ehehe I sound creepy. I pretty much am ngl. Sorry...i don't wanna make you uncomfy but I csnt help it.

I usually see you and fin pissing about during bio, but this time you squeezed his thigh. It made me pretty angry. That you would do this in my full view. It made me god damn angry, ngl. I mf wanted to lean over the best and squeeze your thigh, just so you'd know I'd seen. But ofc I diddnt do that. I'm too introverted. Doesn't stop me from getting angry and kinda hurt about it.

I mean im usually pretty sensitive about stuff like that. When your too close to someone when you know I'm around, watching or could see it. I try and egnore it with you and Sam. I don't like being angry and sensitive, especially not to you.

But sometimes it feels like I need to set some boundaries. Cuz you clearly dont see that there are boundaries of getting a lil too close to someone in the full view of your jelous asf possessive gf!!

Despite her not saying a word about it ever to you, trying to hint it to you, hoping you'd look back on these times and realise how they make me feel you haven't stopped. Ngl it doesn't bother me in the long term at all. I've got used to it. I got used to it with Sam pretty quick. But I always feel a lil uneasy when your too close for comfort or too flirty with someone else where I can see it even if it is just for a joke.

It makes me more uncomfortable becuase then it's like wtf are you like behind my back? If you think it's ok to do that in front of me? Everytime I think about I start crying ngl tears and all. I like to think I'm special to you and get special treatment I have no idea tho.

Your a charming guy with little boundaries. I don't expect much loyalty...i don't need loyalty I just your affection and love . Sorry for mentioning this if you ever see this pls think over what I've said.

That type of stuff really hurts me. When you do it in front of my eyes the thought thya your doing worse behind my back, even if it isn't serious, even if it's just for a joke.

I'm a sensitive little shit in reality, and I actually cried over your Instagram post becuase my insecure selfish ass was getting uncomfortable abt the video of you and naci >~<

Idk it just diddnt sit right with me that you put it on your ig where I could see. Idk if your seeing what I mean. Put yourself in my shoes about it...

But yes sorry.

Bio ended at it was lunch. I tried sitting with the group and it drained me I needed dto be be somewhere else where I could sink into the world of my mind, and the way I do that is through tumblr. Making sense and note of the things in my head.

I sat by jake. We diddnt really talk there was no need neither us us wanted a conversation I just felt comfortable cuz I knew I wasn't comoleatly alone. Jake was there so I spent lunch manifesting you a happy birthday. Obsessing over you and getting jelous. Being pulled into short depressive random states

Thinking about you. Listening to a capella ariana grande until I felt selfish enough to crawl back into people territory, to get some attention. I wasn't quite on jakes level yet I still needed some degree of people. I pushed down all my negative emotions and watched you lie on the grass for a few minutes, before you went, left me and I cried, becuase my self worth had randomly dropped, and I was thinking about the whole thing I explained earlier. I put on a smile and no one noticed. It made me feel numb. But then I saw how much fun you were having and was happy for the rest of the day, had an emotional high during French cuz I knew you were happy and that's all that mattered.

It was end of the day and time to get on the bus. One of the busses had crashed into my grandads car, the embarrasment of the family (according to my mum) and everyone was talking abt it lol.

I talked to a year 9 who knew kally and ened up giving me a hot spot so I could text you. I heard you liked what I'd got you so I ended on a possitive note.

I did two hours studding with my mum and did an orp with you. I was a lil off then tho I'm so sorry. I'm selfish. So selfish. But I gotta tell you how I feel. I can't hold it in anymore. What I've explained here is the only thing I'll shit talk you for

But yes. I' You've had the birthday you deserve. The birthday you really deserve and it makes m e feel so happy that you've got that. You've finally seen how much you matter to people. How many friends you have. How many people like and love you and I'm so glad you've seen that. Seen the amazing person you are x

. Sorry for being a whiny bitch. In a way I almost hope you see this...

But yes for one last time happy birthday my love x

[dazzlingfantasiesblogs]

Small talking in the shower

Sam Winchester x Reader

Hey loves! Kinda all over the place. Hope you love it.

xoxo Dazz

“Sure Dean, just grab y/n some popsicles for when she wakes up.” Dean nodded walking out the door. “Sam…” Sam stood up walking over to you. You had been extremely ill. “I gotta get up and help you with the case..” You tried shuffling in your bed a bit, easing you way up the bed. Sam put a hand on your shoulder gently. He looked into your eyes lovingly. You two had not been together or anything. Hard to say that you did not have the biggest crush on the smart Winchester. Truth be told you where more like Dean. Loud, unrational and you loved a good burger.  Sam was smart, had his wits about him and was always calm. You had been with the boys for awhile now. You where good with spells and lore in general. Also, able to shoot like no body they had ever seen. “No.. you need to rest and get over this illness. We should never have left you outside in the cold, waiting for that ghost. Especially with your asthma.” Sam looked down irritated at Deans bad planning. “I will be fine. Can… can you run a hot shower for me?” Sams eyes widened. “Uhh.. sure!” He got up, starting a warm shower. y/n slowly moved the blanket, trying to stand up. Sam looked over and grabbed her hand gently, putting it around his neck, lifting her up. “Sorry if I stink..” You laugh slightly. “Not at all, you smell like cherrys. You just took a shower last night.” “Yeah.. it helps me feel a bit better though.” Sam smiled setting you down. You started to peel off your shirt. Sam sucked in his breath looking the other way. He felt his pants get a bit uncomfortable at the site of you. Sure you had scars that littered your body from the fights, but he would be damned to say if it didn’t make you even more beautiful. He seen the tattoo that they three shared above your left breast. You slide down your shorts, not wearing any panties, hating them at times. “Sam, can you help me get over the step? I wish there was a chair we could put in the shower.” Sam took in a deep breath nodding. Trying to advert his eyes to make him not look like a perv. “I know I am not that beautiful but do I look that bad” You said slyly, trying to lift your leg weakly into the shower. “What? NO! I just didn’t not want to seem like a pervert… also we do not have that chair.” Sam looked into your eyes, you could tell he wasn’t lying. You got into the shower shutting the curtain. “Sam, I just want to get better.. I want to go help with this case.” “You gotta get better though, you are no good to us if you can barly move.” “I can think of plans.” “No, you get better first. Trust me, I would much rather be staking out a place with you then Dean and his sexual comments about….” Sam sighed “Those bartenders we meet.” You chuckled. Sam wanted to say you. Dean always making sly comments about how you look. Pissing Sam off to the fullest. You where a hunter, a very capable one at that. You also where very independent. Not to mention… sexy as all hell. “Dean likes those small dresses. He loves the slutty look. I guess what man doesn’t.” You rolled you eyes lathering your body in your Japanese Cherry Blossom body wash Sam gotten for you for Christmas. Remembering you wanted it for months. “Not all men like that look y/n. Skinny black jeans, a flannel shirt and tank top and black combat boots do it for me.” Sam just described your wardrobe too a tee. Sam usually wouldn’t be so blunt. Yet knowing that the curtain was there helped. “Nice to know there not all the same.” Sam laughed at your comment. “How you feeling in there?” Sam said noticing you quit moving after his comment. “di… dizzy..” Sam stood up “I feel like I am going to fa..” Sam opened the shower curtain catching your wet naked body as you fell. He picked you up laying you down on the bed. He grabbed a towel covering you. “Y/N… Y/N??..” Dean opened the door “That cashier was smok..” His eyes went wide. “I can leave…” “No.. she wanted to take a shower, we where talking just fine and she passed out. Lucky I caught her or she could have hit her head.” You woke up slowly looking around. “Sam… what happened? Why did you turn off the water?” “Y/N you passed out. Lets get you dressed.” You nodded. “Dean look away.” “Why do you get to help her?” “Dean just look away!” Sam started to get irritated with his brother, not respecting the boundaries. “Because! She asked me to help her take a shower, I want to make sure she gets covered so she doesn’t get any sicker.” Dean gave a sly smirk to Sam. “I can do it Sammy… Just make sure Dean looks the opposite way.” “I have modesty!” Dean yelled a bit. “As much as a teen going threw puberty watching porn.” You slowly tried to sit up. “Sam, can you handle me my duffle bag?” Sam nodded giving it to you. Your fingers brushing slightly. He smiled at you, his pearly whites showing. You rummaged threw your bag. “Fuck.. not clean shirts..” “Here..” Sam held out one of his flannels. Your mind popped to the conversation you had before you passed out. You put it on buttoning up. “Thanks Sammy.” Of course. “Well There is a strip club down the street so.. If you don’t mind, I got some ladies to see.” You rolled your eyes. “Try not to get any disease please Dean. I love you, but I can’t help you get laid after with other ladies, it goes against my good Conscious.” “Are you saying you won’t be my wing gal. “That is exactly what I am saying.” You laughed, Dean smiled nodding. “You helped him get laid.” “Once or twice. Played the I am his little sister and he is so sweet card.” Sam chuckled rolling his eyes. “What did you get in return?” “I got to drive Baby.” Sam smiled at you. “Oh here.. I had Dean grab your favorite. Popsicles.” You smiled at Sam as he opened the package handing you one. “Can I have one?” “Of course Sammy!” you smiled as you opened the Cherry one. Your favorite. “I hope you don’t get sick cuz of me.” You frowned a bit looking at him. “Naw, I think I would be sick by now. Sam sat next to you on the bed. He put on his laptop, as you two watched Netflix. Sam looked over as you ate the popsicle. Your lips a bright red from the juice staining them, the way you licked the side of it as it melted. He finished his popsicle setting the wrapper in the trash bin next to him. He looked at you intensely. He knew you where sick, but he just wanted a kiss… just one. “I wish I didn’t look so shitty..” Your words snapping him out of his trance. “Your no such thing!” Sam said a little more harsh then wanted. “You always look great.” Sam smiled at you. “I think I am in love with you Sam..” You whispered out randomly. Sams eyes widened. “I am sorry!” You got embarrassed, throwing the popsicle stick in the trash. Hiding under the covers a bit. You felt a large hand on one of your cheeks. You looked over to Sam. His gaze was intense. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship. That is why I never said anything..” you whispered. “That could never happen. I love you too y/n.” You felt his lips press against yours. “You are my girl.” Sam smiled at you laying your head on his chest. You both fell asleep watching something on animals. Dean walked into see you snuggling together. “About damn time, I could only come up with so many sexual jokes waiting for him to snap and express his feeling for her.” Dean chuckled a bit, grabbing a beer, laying on the bed as the two love birds slept.