#daily alignment charts are my life now

[millysastroblog]

SOLAR RETURN CHART PT.2 ! -Asteroids and Points-

Disclamer ! : Each of the SR Placements i wrotte here down, DO NOT have to be aligned with your own experience, in Astrology we have so many diffrenet factors that can change and influence our lifes, what i refer here to are the Asteriods and Points in my own personal SR Chart from the past couple years. They are short, easy examples of how they could impact somones life, to what degree they impacted my life.

>>> OK guys :) well alright lets now dive into it ! <<

Vertex =Is another tool that I like to use on the Solar Return chart is the Vertex. Similar to the Sun the Vertex can be a huge turnig point by the house it sits in and show fated events, only if heavily aspected.

Example: The year I had Vertex in my 7th House, um yeah guys i was deeply in love for the first time in my life, i meet the so called love of my life (bestfriend), and wow it was really intense, i had a very intimate soul bound with that peron, as if we shared the same soul. But sadly later on i went through a broken heart girl moment, the dream of sharing the rest of my life with that person sadly couldnt be fulfilled. And it defintly thought me a lot of lessons and struggles about love, fear of abandoment, unhealthy attachments, addiction to love beign afraid to love and not feeling worthy of it.

Continuing as i mentioned previously hard aspects matter alot when it comes to the SR Vertex. At that time my Vertex in the 7th house was opposite my SR Venus !!!! It usualy indicates the connection between me and that person possibly stemming from a past life time, like a soulmate or twinflame connection. Needing to find eachother this lifetime to fullfil a certain mission. So unlike the conjunction or soft aspects the connection was at an on and off state, which refers to the dynamic of the opposition, the built up of inner tension ,push and pull beetwen two energys wheter It´ll be life situations like (home, career, money or relationships ) with my case since the Vertex sits in my 7th house of the SR Chart ;). Which led to high amounst of attraction and gravitation towards that person but also complications and misunderstandings.

That does not mean everyone with a SR Vertex in the 7th house harshly aspecting Venus will go through the same experience like me, but changes in love life generally can be garanted. Also look a at transits and Synastry for more information :)

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North Node = The North Node in the SR Chart can indicate how we grow this year. It shows lessons that we need to learn and evolve from. Providing you with all the experiences and tools for your destination ahead until the year to come.

Example: They year i had my SR North Node in the 12th my first Spiritual Awakening got activated unexpectedly, my interest for meditation, yoga, chakras began to increase. I started to connect with the spirit world, my ancestors, angels, spirit guide more easily. I feelt the strong bond beetwen myself ,god, animals, humans everything! I started recieving sychronizites like butterflys, white feahters daily.

The North Node SR in the 12th helped me to step into my true purpose and wake up from the illusions, manipluation that was very evindent in my life. It transformed so many things since it was in trine with SR Pluto (North Node in the 12th TRINE Pluto in the 8th house) like me being able to use my natural psycic abilites, my subconcious changing to a healtiher mind set, prosessing past trauma, me doing energy work on my psycial body ,sensing heavy energetic tension within certain parts of my body that steam from repreased pain and trauma. The North Node in the 12th house offered me the time and space to go through that healing stage, meaning I was isolated for some months after losing someting important in my life.

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Chiron = It influences your triggers, wounds, fear, shame, insecurities and coming to terms with them . It can be very difficult but It gives us the possibility of healing and transcend to Self love, Acceptance and Self respect.

Example: Lasty Year i had Chiron in the 11th house, and sadly I felt very lonely, not having any one aroung me , friends i used to know since elemantry school suddenly left life, and even when i attended new social gahterings the void within me, feeling a lack of friendships and a lack of companionship, made it harder then usual to engage in new social circels, feeling inscure about the way I might come across to other people, not being accpeted for who I truly am.

At that time i feelt more socialy anxious than normal, panicing when somone tried to approach me for some random small talk conversation. I had my SR (Moon in the 12th sextile my Chiron in the 11th). With the moon aspecting chiron i can surly approve of this placement impacting me on a deep, emotional and soulful level. I tried to comfort my self through isolation, listen to music, having faith in future that things will get better and l´´ll soon connect with people on a deep and emotional level . I started to understad that this a typical process a lot of young adults go through. And at least i can invest all the time i have on myself and be my own best friend accepting my own flaws and incecuritys. Chiron is not only a pain in the ass but also a teacher helping me to understand my biggest fears regarding friendships and social circels.

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Lilith = Frustration, deception, irritation, sexual matters, fear ,obsessions, scattered feelings and behaviors. !

Example: Last year additionaly with the North Node i had Lilith in the 12th house, and i encounterd also the dark side of the 12th house, fighting with Addictions, Escapisim not wanting to be on this physical earth plane because of how detached i was from it, i also entered a difficult stages in my spiritual awaking like the Dark night of the soul. I felt to need to explore more with my hidden divine feminie se*ual side, feeling the creative tantric energy of mother earth within me, me having more wet dreams than usal, fanazising daily about se* or having se* in my dreams. Additionaly i had plenty sleep paralysis experienceses that lead me to see and feel paranormal things involoving creepy sensations of outher worldy beings gravitating towards my hidden underlying se*al energy ..... (I´ll leave the rest out bc it was very creppy!!!)

omg i know this a bit more spooky, but yeah it was very interesting experience exploring that side through lilith being here !!!

With that being said, I wanted to point out the fact that Asteriod and Points are very valid in SR Chart mostly people only consider talking about planetary placements but I have discovered that A&P can also have a huge impact on someones live. Like the examples I described here. Comment down below if you feel the same way or have the experienced the complete opposite would love to KNOW 😘🤔

Next up I‘ll continue this series by observing the MOST IMPORTANT Placement in the SR Chart connected to the natal Chart!!! And that is definitely not the Sun!!!!!!! ;)

Thx for reading 💕

Stay tuned for PT.3 !

•~Milly~•

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Solar Return Chart Series: PT. 1

[megumi-fm]

this fortnight in megumi.fm ▸ bye bye march👋

ft. unchecked ambition to recreate of the hardest Kpop dances (only in vain), lots of code debugging, and using Yeolpumta the wrong way

💻 Internship // progress tracker

-> detecting pockets in protein structures using 3diff pipelines -> finding consensus pockets using outputs of pipelines -> pocket alignment of protein models by structural alignment with a set of known binding site structures -> read base paper -> weekly presentations [2/2] besides these tasks I've been trying to modify all my code files such that they can run directly from the system terminal (i hate edge cases and this entire process has taken years off my life) so that I can upload it on github

🎓 Uni Stuff

-> charted out a timeline for master's applications deadlines and related work

👟 Kpop dances!!

completed! 🔥bye bye ankles ⇒ I'd started this way before I messed up my ankle and then I abandoned it but we are so back... I picked it up last week and finally! it is done. 💪 bts' magnum opus ⇒ the main challenge is ensuring to hit every beat at the right speed and my rendition is still far from refined but hey. atleast my moves have developed some fluidity currently <3 🧢 left, right and just vibes ⇒ really needed a breather after the first two dances and now I'm here xD although the main reason I picked this dance was bc I loved the part switch version and all the references // ✅chorus + prechorus ⚡ crush...ing my motivation ⇒ so much for taking a breather. I've been obsessed with this song and I tried to start learning it and... four seconds- that's how much I've learnt in past three days. but the satisfaction when I got those four seconds? immeasurable. // ✅1st chorus pt1/3

💿 Other Things This week

📅 started my 18day habit challenge! by which I simply mean I'm using Yeolpumta as a daily tracker app rather than a study app and I'm loving it <3 I get excited seeing different colours marked on the daily calendar and as a consequence I've been more productive lately :D 🍊 been eating healthier! lots of fruit and water intake and I've also been learning to cook! 📖 The Myth of Sisyphus <3 I don't read a lot of non fiction but this piece is hella intruiging and I'm having a lot of fun 🍕 Lunch with the besties [x2] 🎰 Gaming Arcade shenanigans yet again 🎆 Fest at Uni! One of the best bollywood singers of all time showed up and he sang bangers from our childhood; we had a blast 🎧 lots and lots of kpop and for some reason I keep coming back to Advice by Taemin

[ 18th - 31st Mar; week 13+14/52 || and with that, 1/4th of this year is done. I'm pretty satisfied with how I how i spent the past two weeks, hopefully I'm able to stay consistent 🤞]

[saturnianprincess]

Jupiter in Taurus

Jupiter is finally in Taurus, now is the time when all those fast paced decisions and rewards with Aries energy will be solidified and made more permanent.

A/N: I am so excited because it is my Jupiter return which will happen in a week! Usually a Jupiter Return starts with things working against you in order to align you to your destined path.

Here is my short analysis on how transit Jupiter influences you based on the house its stationed in your chart. Please note this is just a general theme, situations may change due to Natal and other transit aspects.

-> Do not copy/plagiarize my work <-

1st House

Major glow up, feeling more encouraged to try out new things to change your appearance etc. Channeling a lot of self-love energy and focusing on self development.

2nd House

Lots of financial gains and benefits. You may even spend more on some luxury products or make significant investments. Your surrounding aesthetics and style may change.

3rd House

Your communication and speech will become more profound and you may read and write a lot of spiritual and enlightening stuff. Possibly reconnecting with your school friends, siblings and childhood friends.

4th House

You may either out of home or relocate. Familial bonds which don’t serve you anymore may either break or get better. You will feel more connected to your roots and feel inclined to learn more about your ancestral heritage.

5th House

You will want to have fun and truly romanticizing your life. You will get into a serious romantic relationship and/or meet your soul family. Creativity will be at its zenith during this period. Lots of opportunities and doors opening up for you.

6th House

Lots of new changes to your daily routine, health and dietary habits. Will get improvements in aspects related to job and money. Your productivity levels will be higher than usual so be sure to care for your mental health.

7th House

Your existing relationships will get much stronger and reach a new level of commitment such as marriage, living with your S.O. also possibly relocating depending on other aspects. You will also have favorable outcomes when it comes to legal/business matters.

8th House

Major spiritual awakening. You may feel very enlightened and focus on soul-searching. Getting into occult and esoteric practices. Lots of shadow work and healing yourself. Learning to be more intimate and vulnerable with your partner/yourself. Major Karmic cycles ending for you.

9th House

You may want to pursue higher education or learn something new. You may tend to question beliefs and traditions you were taught. Your optimism and outlook on life is unmatched. You can settle abroad or migrate for work/studies. Lots of traveling in general and meeting foreigners.

10th House

Rise in career and social status. You may work or meet very impactful and powerful people. You will gain recognition for your hard-work and achievements.

11th House

A very social year! Joining a friend group or being part of a large community. Can meet your platonic soulmates/soul tribe.

12th House

Spiritual transformation and massive change of your own beliefs. Connecting to your higher self. Betrayals and hidden enemies coming to light but in a more of blessing in disguise.

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©️saturnianprincess 2023 | Pictures from Pinterest

◄ home

[middlenamesage]

I heard from my mom the other day (then from the source himself) that my dad is quitting drinking. My mom even said he called himself an alcoholic (for the first time ever), and said he had been hiding alcohol. My astro obsessed ass of course had to check the transits for him later that night.

My eye kinda went right to Saturn in Pisces in the transits, because getting your shit together🪐 and imposing personal limitations🪐 when confronted with the sign that wants escape is such a “quitting addictions” story, I knew Saturn in her current predicament just had to be involved somehow. (I’m using “she” pronouns in this case because Saturn in Pisces just seems like such a feminine, dare I say gracious and compassionate, face of Saturn.)

Well yep, Saturn has been in very close alignment with my dad’s Pluto via opposition for a little while now. Pluto is honestly the best archetype ever to go along with the concept of hiding things (metaphorical and literal in this case), and my dad was ready to stop burying things he didn’t want to see and also didn’t want others to see. 🖤 And as transit Saturn is moving through his 7th house👩‍❤️‍👨, and along with the connection to his Pluto, is also squaring his Mars and my mother’s Sun, I’d say it’s pretty clear he did it to save his marriage. I won’t knock co-dependence in every case, not even during South Node in Libra- it seems to work better for some than other alternatives. 🤷‍♀️

Another thing I’m seeing in my father’s transits is that both his natal Neptune and transit Neptune are currently in hard aspect with transit Jupiter/his natal Jupiter. He’s rewriting his understanding of (Jupiter) his tendencies for escapism (Neptune). 😊 his natal Neptune is in the 3rd house, in Scorpio (so ruled by that Mars of his that’s on my mother’s Sun and has come close at times to destroying their marriage because my mom 100% does not enjoy chemical escapism like my dad). His Neptune also connects to literally most placements in his chart!!!

Last but maybe not least, I think it might also just be Aquarius season helping my Leo father to be humble with his shortcomings. The Aquarius Sun is currently opposite his 12th house (more escapism tendencies) Leo Mercury, which means it’s in his 6th house, maybe acting as the final straw to get him to purify his daily habits. 🌞

I’m putting out positive intentions that my father can stick to the goals Saturn in Pisces has helped him set, and that even when Saturn next reaches his Venus and North Node via opposition, he remains committed to his new values. 🙏

Does anyone else out there have a quitting addictions Saturn in Pisces story unfolding in their life? Stay strong; Saturn is usually never “fun” to work with, but the limitations and structure s/he helps you impose are what make the personal growth coming out of a Saturn transit, often completely unparalleled. 💖

[ros3ybabe]

Update Check In - October 7th thru October 10th, 2023 🎀

I am officially back home from seeing my boyfriend and now I am big sad because I already miss him again. I was not as productive as I thought I would’ve been while with him these last three days but I’m also not mad about my lack of stuff done. I got some quality time with him and I am so happy with that. I did do some things that would count s productivity, such as some Japanese studying and a short amount of homework. I think I’ll use this post as a motivator for some stuff I need to do with a little bit of what I did this weekend.

🩷 What I Accomplished -

Kept up Duolingo daily streak

Kept up Busuu daily streak

Began working in Lesson One in Genki I

Submitted and passed Psyc Quiz for Chapter 7

Began using LingQ for Japanese

Looked into Kanji learning books

so yes, I didn’t accomplish much but again, not mad. I am still happy with what I did accomplish. I also really enjoy the Genki I textbook so far, I’m still trying to figure out a good note taking technique for myself with this textbook but I really like writing down the end of lesson practice exercises. I think I want to get better at reading and writing, and listening, and my goal is to start italki lessons by December/Jaunary. If I don’t start my italki lessons until a bit later tho, I won’t be upset because I know learning Japanese is a long process and something I’ll be working on for a good chunk of my life.

🩷 ToDo Personal Today, Oct 11 -

Wash bed sheets + pillowcases

Wash + put away all laundry (clothes)

Do dishes

Continue to work on Genki I lesson one

Maintain Duolingo streak

Maintain Busuu streak

Use Renshuu

Look for some more affordable Japanese language resources for my IPad

Talk to my boyfriend in video call

Make a shopping list for language tracker/bullet journal (I get paid tomorrow)

Make a schedule/routine for working out (I’m going back to the gym next week!)

🩷 ToDo Academic for Today, October 11 -

Lifecycle nutrition chart for NUTR

Lab 7 Pre Lab for my Anatomy Lab

Discussion 3 for NUTR

Culinary chapter 10 quiz

not much academic stuff on the list for the day but I’m trying to take it a little easier with my school things as I am exhausted from a long day of flying and airports yesterday. However, I am using today as like, a set up day for my upcoming days/week. Productive planning is basically my goal for today with a little bit of actively doing some work. I am excited to start my language tracking bullet journal and plan some stuff for working out as I am planning on going back to the gym next week. I want to start with light cardio for the first week just to get me in the habit of going and then after I’m going to step back into the weight room and start lifting light. My boyfriend got me motivated to work on my mental and physical health a bit better, so I’m definitely excited!

I feel with the exercising, it will help me manage my stress better, which I feel will lead to better mood and better food choices. Exercising alone is enough of a motivator to take my nutrition more seriously. I’m more focused on the mental and emotional health aspect of working out than I am the physical stuff, but I’m excited for all the benefits regardless. I just want to take better care of my health in every aspect, in a way that aligns with my values. Hopefully I will have better posts full of more information and stuff I’ve done during the day once I get all areas in my life back in balance with each other.

that’s all for now! I appreciate all of you who read and comment and send me the most encouraging and supportive messages, you all keep me motivated and inspired to continue being my most authentic self and help me feel comfortable with expressing myself in this community. I am so grateful for everything that goes into this blog and everything it’s done for me and the direction it’s helped me guide my life in! Much love to all of you <3

til next time lovelies 🩷🤍

[subir-astrologer]

ADVANTAGES OF 6TH HOUSE IN VEDIC ASTROLOGY

QUESTION ASKED : What is the significance of the sixth house in astrology? How can its planetary ruler be used to our advantage?

MY VIEWS : The sixth house in vedic astrology is a very important house that deals with various aspects of life such as health, work, service, enemies, debts, and obstacles. It shows how we cope with the challenges and difficulties that we face in our daily lives. It also reveals our attitude towards our health and well-being, and how we take care of ourselves and others.

The planetary ruler of the sixth house is the planet that occupies or aspects the sixth house in the birth chart. This planet can influence the nature and outcome of the issues related to the sixth house.

For example, if the sixth house is ruled by a benefic planet like Jupiter or Venus, it can indicate good health, success over enemies, and favorable outcomes in legal matters. On the other hand, if the sixth house is ruled by a malefic planet like Saturn or Mars, it can indicate poor health, conflicts, and losses in disputes.

According to KP astrology the cuspal sublord speaks about the 6th house. If the cuspal sublord is signifying 2,6, 10 and 11th house then it signifies very good results pertaining to finance and other aspects of life.

The 8th and 12th house significance will signify disease and hospitalization, pain from losses etc and many other negative out comes.

So one should understand the 6th house and its significance and use it to the advantage with correlation of the significances of other house.

For example if the cuspal sublord of the 6th house signify 8 and 12th house and as described above, it is a negative combination and now it is our understanding of astrology and analysis which can convert it to positive by aligning with the significances.

If the native’s horoscope shows foreign travel and work then he / she should be advice to go abroad and do job in a production-oriented company or in a MNC company in his own birth place.

The negative significance will get aligned and thus it will not give bad results.

The planetary ruler of the sixth house can be used to our advantage by understanding its strengths and weaknesses, and by applying its principles and remedies in our lives.

For instance, if the sixth house is ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication and intelligence, we can use our skills and knowledge to overcome our problems and improve our health.

If the sixth house is ruled by Sun, the planet of authority and leadership, we can use our confidence and charisma to defeat our enemies and achieve our goals.

The sixth house in vedic astrology is a house of growth and transformation, where we learn to overcome our limitations and achieve our potential. By knowing the planetary ruler of the sixth house, we can gain more insight into our strengths and weaknesses, and use them to our advantage.

The readers should understand that Vedic astrology is a knowledge to understand and then implement it in our life by aligning ourself with its significance to get best out of it.

[bosses-stay-flawless]

It’s still Gemini season, but the pull of Cancer is already being felt. Gemini is all about communication and two varying archetypes existing at the same time. While Cancer, ruled by the moon, is very nurturing and protective. To name a few of Cancer’s traits…

The moon, ruler of Cancer is also very intuitive and it’s impact is felt on a daily basis, just as the sun is. While the sun is considered a masculine energy, the moon is undeniably feminine! Although my natal chart doesn’t have any planets in Cancer, the moon has always had a profound impact on my life. As a child I would fall asleep with the window open just to feel and see the moon beams on my skin, only to intuitively know, that that energy went beyond skin deep. The archetypes of the moon are in connection with the zodiac sign of Cancer, both are often seen as the mother or the goddess, both of which are very powerful symbols. The Cancer’s I know (both males and females born under this sign) are very nurturing, protective, highly intuitive souls. They can be moody and retreat within themselves at times and are emotional as per must water signs.

In the presence of a Cancer, everybody is gonna eat, feel safe, and be inspired!!! Most Cancer’s are providers period! Not to generalize because no two people or natal charts are the same, but Cancer plus moon energy carry great significance just like Leo and the sun. The sun and the moon’s impact is daily and a constant one.

One of the themes I see playing out in June between the Gemini/ Cancer dynamic is bullying, and the need to confront the collective shadow aspect of that particular energy. Whatever healing that begins during this time has the potential to be implemented in July./Leo. Now that Mercury is once again direct, certain communicative blocks have been removed. Now is the time to address a lot of violence that has taken place over the past month with increased shooting deaths here in the US. More than discussion, and legislative action is needed, education, mediation, and healing are also needed. Until love and light and deep introspection and accountability are applied, the collective shadow will not be healed.

To put what I’m saying in another perspective, I was made aware of two, so called spiritual teachers, bullying a fellow light worker. “When you are at war with yourself, you make war with others. “ From a state of observation and not judgement, the greatest precursor of change, is the changing of one’s heart, the mind and everything else will align. Individually and collectively. 💜

My mantra and prayer for today is wherever you go to day: Go in PEACE not pieces!!!

#helloJUNE #revolutionisaHEARTthing #peace

[ladala99]

Wolvden February Event: Sorting the Dateables into my gameplay's political parties

For the uninitiated, these have nothing to do with real-life political parties. There's four of them with two aspects:

North/South - Indicates whether the wolf is focused more on stats/survival(North) or looks/decoration(South)

Easy/Challenging - Indicates whether the wolf wants to elevate the lowest/struggling (Easy) or the best of the best (Challenging).

Every wolf is part of one of each category, so the four parties are Easy North, Easy South, Challenging North, and Challenging South. In my gameplay, they are assigned by favorite biome, and everything else follows.

For assigning the dateables, I will be looking at:

1) Their personality if it happens to fit something obvious

2) Their favorite and least favorite locations if they both fit into the same category (most of the time, they don't seem to, in order to give players with less unlocked more opportunity)

3) Their favorite and least favorite gifts if they tell a story.

I'll be doing three per day, starting with ones I have unlocked. Not sure if I'll be doing this daily or if this is a one-off since it's kinda taking away from my serious writing time but I feel like doing this right now!

Without further ado, here's our first wolf:

Lorelai

Assigned Party: Challenging South

Reasoning: So, so, so elitist. She's knows she's pretty (I kinda disagree because green-yellow is ick, but she says she is) and she has super high standards. She demands perfection, according to her introduction. This is just so cut-and-dry.

Both of her liked locations are also in the Challenging South category, including the most challenging and southern location: the Rainforest. Her dislikes include the Glacier, the polar opposite of the Rainforest, being a Challenging North location, though she also dislikes fellow Challenging South location Swamp.

Her favorite gift: the pretty-but-useless Gemstone. Her least-favorite: the healing Herb.

She is almost a textbook definitition of Challenging South.

Next wolf:

Nomia

Assigned Party: Easy North

Reasoning: Going from an easy one to a hard one. Nomia's intro quote indicates she is fairly looks-obsessed like Lorelai, but not quite as elitist. However, her likes tell a quite different story and some of her other quotes indicate she's looking more for a well-rounded individual for her mate. She'll comment on your strength at 2 hearts and above.

She likes going to the Coniferous Forest (Easy North) and Mountains (Easy South - but only because of ID - it's in the middle). She dislikes going to the Swamp (Challenging South) and Rainforest (Challenging South). So averaging, she's far more aligned with Easy, and slightly more aligned with North.

Additionally, her preferred gift is the practical Food and disliked is the pretty Flower. So she is not really a fan of beauties, focusing most on practicality and thriving, making her very clearly North-aligned.

And finally for today:

Omen

Assigned Party: Challenging North

Reasoning: Also a bit of a difficult one to place. There isn't much to go on from his quotes - he doesn't speak too lengthily. So I largely have to go by his preferences.

He likes Desert (Challenging South) and Glacier (Challenging North) He dislikes Coniferous Forest (Easy North) and Swamp (Challenging South). All this really tells me is that he's in the Challenging portion of the chart. But South or North?

He likes Gemstones and hates Flowers. Here's where I will just say that you find flowers more abundantly in the South and less often in the North. He likes pretty barren and rocky areas in both.

And that barren and rockiness is what is tipping me towards North. South is about nature, north is about survival. So I'm going with Challenging North, but he is on a bit of a line.

[esotericfaery]

Nikola Tesla’s chart & I, Tesla Gossip, the 12th and 8th Houses, Chiron, & My Venus (Intimate Spiritual Diary, Entry 8)

TLDR: I call out men who have trash behaviour and encourage women, Chiron truth-bomb, Past life regression, comparing & summing up the 12th and the 8th.

Cancer Sun Nikola Tesla and I (Virgo) have some interesting stuff in our Synastry; His 12th House Neptune in Pisces conjunction with my Pisces Part of Fortune, for one. My Part of Fortune conjuncts my Ascendant, which is also Pisces. I also have my South Node (in Aquarius so humanitarianism, innovation / Tesla) in the 12th house. It holds energies for my past in this life only, as Pluto rules Karma and reincarnation, not the Nodes as is commonly believed in modern times.

Tesla has Chiron in Aquarius, and so we intuitives see again that we're right; he had a deep, mysterious inner wounding, and his, often described as erratic behaviour is explained. Chiron moves erratically, which causes some to continue to classify him as a comet, while others insist he is a planet. His close friendship with a bird, and no one else, as he prepared for his death, is something that never had to be explained to me, as it made sense under the circumstances where he was a brilliant humanitarian scientist who was railroaded by "progress".

It never had to be explained to me, and I didn't think it seemed strange for even a second, maybe just because (or especially as a Virgo in modern times), I naturally follow and work with the modern rulership of Virgo as Chiron. My Chiron is further grounded by being in Taurus, in my 2nd. I have a somewhat particular perspective on this, as my Sun is conjunct my also Virgo Moon in the 6th House of daily routines, overall health, and natural affinity with typical pet types of animals; cats, dogs, rabbits etc. Throughout life I often meet peoples pets, and they comment that their pet doesn’t usually take to people so quickly.

Tesla also had retrogrades in his natal chart; Neptune (fatigue, illusion, obsession), Chiron (wounded inner child), North Node (future of current life path) and Lilith (war between the sexes, deeply embedded inner feminine), conferring a deeply wounded inner landscape. It was an illusion that the bigwigs would put their money towards humanity and not just their own bank accounts. Tesla befriended a pigeon because he was a deeply misunderstood innovator, the like of which this planet may never have seen before, and who may not quite ever be seen again.

I also have Chiron in Taurus, so I do have a basic understanding of how his inner child would have made it so that he suffering from not having had material success while he was alive. I have Pluto in Libra inconjunct (quincunx) my Chiron, and this confers strain and adjustment, yet also later in life, expansion capabilities; Tesla expanded his loving nature to include his bird friend, as equal to and then greater than any human friend had been in his experience, because of his deeply traumatized, extremely emotions-aligned, Cancer Sun. If only people had understood that he has a Libra Ascendant, and if given the chance, could have become a master at the diplomatic. There could have been money to make for those with the right names - but also enough livelihood and free power for everyone else. Instead, in the 21st century, we now have problems such as hovels vs. mansions.

A note about Chiron ruling Virgo; my perspective is as a currently progressed Ascendant in Gemini (my natal Ascendant is Pisces). Whenever a diligent Astrologer experiences such strong energy in both Virgo and Gemini at the same time, it become obvious that there is no possibility of Mercury ruling Virgo. More on that in another article.

The first time I saw a photo of Nikola Tesla a couple of decades ago, I had the strange feeling that there was some sort of similarity between us, but I quickly convinced myself that it was my imagination, when I learned that he is one of the most innovative, creative minds in the history of science, and that he also managed to be ethical. I also felt lucky from the start, to have found his work. Like it was a pot of gold under a rainbow just to know that he had existed.

If I had been lucky enough to be a relative of a man having a meeting with him, I would have tried to come along. Imagine observing experiments or instruction while sitting at a cafe with brilliant Nikola Tesla…

On the other side of my chart, my Sun and Moon form an exact conjunction in the 6th, so it’s particularly important for me to learn from, or otherwise tend to be around those who I don’t find ethically or morally objectionable (Yeah you know who I’m referring to, and I’m only mentioning Edison, Morgan etc. here… assholes.) The key trait of the 6th here, is routines, and the key trait of an exact conjunction, is full melding of two energies. Thus, my mental faculties have always been and always will be, strongly in synch with my feeling faculties. I of course, like everyone else, do experience deep emotions as relates to certain difficult experiences.

So we see one of many specific ways in which a human can relate to another human, even though one died before the other was born. This is one of the most fun things to do with Astrology.

The 12th House reminds me of Amanda Palmers lyric in supergroup 8 In 8’s song, ‘Nikola Tesla’: “He had secrets that he stored inside 8 chests”.

Inarguably the most mysterious of Houses, the 12th represents the dissolving, or the illusory, or the delusionary dissolving of the ego, and also the pull to build up false ego. Any type of emphasis of a dissonant fashion on this house results in some form of addiction.

The 12th is also sometimes confused with the 8th house, as both are continuously in one way or another, to some extend or another, including for those who have those natal houses empty, locked into the subconscious for much of modern life. For good reason, for many. It’s survival. And yet, you know, karma.

The 8th / Scorpio / Pluto are all for the more transmutative presentations of energies which are meant to lead us deeply within the experiences of mental and emotional integration within the resolution of all experiences of dissonance.

Which, of course, instinctively through the Sun, Moon, Rising and in other chart prominent ways, we all avoid.

I have to learn to get out of my own way, we say. And why can’t it be more simple?

Ok, fine. So I don’t know factually, which fragment of which other lifetime of the collective, I specifically am having trouble with.

So does that mean I will fail at my karmic load in this life?

I’ll tell you something that many of those overpriced westernized “guru” types of any bent won’t.

Despite the naturalness of human curiosity, we don’t always need to know even a single specific thing that happened to us, in order to heal it. Sure, there are times when we feel so adrift that we require an anchor, and past life regressionists are a God/dessend.

Yet with any regular practice of introspection / meditation, and attention to all areas of life with the goal of karmic resolution, while also noticing the “little things”, along the way, is a gift that I thank my Pisces placements, Neptune, the 1st and the 12th Houses for. Even though there are difficulties involved, as there always are in certain ways, I give full Gratitude for this gift of not only having personality traits I enjoy, but for this gift of also being able to learn just as I teach others. That’s because my Neptune is in the 9th house of, among other things, both learning and teaching.

So for those few of you who tend to get wary, or “funny” right away when you notice that my Mars is in Scorpio (7th), because you think, “everyone knows Scorpio Mars women are bitches who want to wear the pants, and everyone knows Virgo women are sexually repressed”, take the above, stick it in your bong and smoke it. Particularly because we Venus in Leo women really are and always have been completely over those of you who refuse to control your own libidos. I’m sure I’ll write something eventually about the Venus in Leo thing. For now, complex Astrologer Dustin Cormier / How to Rock Astrology has a Venus in Leo girlfriend, and talks about Venus in Leo concisely, only briefly mentioning her, in his YouTube video, Venus in Leo (Tropical Vedic). For now I’ll add to what he says, by saying that there is equitable give and take instinctively expected, between myself and a man, when in a romance; with Pisces Ac and Part of Fortune being energies of service to others, while disregarding the needs of the self. This causes the inherent selfishness of my Leo energy to generally balance. And, I’m not bragging but as my Ac is anaretic, and I’m in my 40’s, at this point I barely have to try, in order to find this balance; providing that any misunderstandings in communication are cleared up either in the moment, or within days because the man may need space. We all have triggers; it’s human nature that by midlife people need to practice more patience and understanding. However, next time, whoever this mystery future man will be, if he says he can’t discuss a misunderstanding, he will have a limit of one week to speak to me again, wherein I promise to stfu, or I will consider it a ghosting. I will then begin, then go deep within, then cleanse and release the experience, yet again if necessary. I will accept, as I have in the past, that I will likely never speak to him again.

So I will move completely on.

Because I deserve to.

If you don’t think you do, ask yourself why?

The 12th is the esoteric; the seemingly ephemeral. The emotional… the wtf, that’s left creating blockages after the shocking, sometimes surreal experiences through the mental auric field, which had happened with Uranus / the 11th. It’s a dumping ground for all of the difficult experiences we couldn’t, or wouldn’t face.

Tesla and I could have also formed a friendship, because though our Suns are (inexact) square, that shows that along with those trines, we could have had some enjoyable debates. And I know for certain that he could have taught me a whole lot!

As so many of us have thought, if only there were more variously aware people like us around than to fight the good fight with him.

The Hot Tesla Gos

Ladies, Tesla was one of the few men who actually WORE a mustache while letting it grow on his face, you know?

One rumor was that beautiful French actress Sarah Bernhardt wanted him. She stopped to drop her handkerchief a step or two away from where he was sitting at a Paris cafe. This is an old fashioned way of, let’s see… Men, those of you who have used dating apps will recognize the modern translation: “Dtf?”, in your inbox.

Teslas response was the modern equivalent of a man responding on that app: “No thanks. That’s not what I’m looking for”.

He didn’t look at her face, quickly stood up, grabbed it, and while holding his hat in the other hand, bowed low. He handed her back her handkerchief, saying, “Mademoiselle, your handkerchief”.

Fellow Serb. and poet Laza Kostic wrote to challenge him, misunderstanding his dedication to science as misogyny, saying she wanted to wed him to another woman, who could “surmount” his hate. Really? Shit poems huh? Running a brothel?

Reportedly, Katharine Johnson, wife of poet R.U. Johnson, “most sincerely” loved Tesla.

Countess Frances Evelyn Warwick apparently wrote him letters asking him to conceal her secrets. In those days, that was considered to be something that only a beau would do, while corresponding with a man, aside from communications with a male family member.

Flora Dodge is yet another beautiful woman who desired and pursued him.

Teslas wife was science though. I would have respected that, even as I felt like my heart was shattering into the smallest grains of glass.

Nikola was a man who has his Libra Moon square his Cancer Venus (and again, is a Cancer Sun), explaining why his emotions were separate from the fickleness of women, and why he never married. This couldn't have been at all easy for him, but it allowed him to focus on science. His Ascendant is Taurus, and his well-grounded 😉 practicality & resilience made him ahead of his time, to say the least about this brilliant innovator.

Nikola had Uranus (shock, sudden destabilization), with Pluto (transforming ;) ) and his Ascendant (the placement that sets the tone for the entire chart), all in Taurus. He was grounded, practical, efficient, and resilient, yet deeply stubborn. He didn’t give up, even past when all of his supporters were telling him that it was no use to continue the good fight.

Plus, Tesla was a vocal feminist advocate:

“This struggle of the human female toward sex equality will end in a new sex order, with the female as superior. The modern woman, who anticipates in merely superficial phenomena the advancement of her sex, is but a surface symptom of something deeper and more potent fermenting in the bosom of the race. It is not in the shallow physical imitation of men that women will assert first their equality and later their superiority, but in the awakening of the intellect of women. But the female mind has demonstrated a capacity for all the mental acquirement and achievements of men, and as generations ensue that capacity will be expanded; the average woman will be as well educated as the average man, and then better educated, for the dormant faculties of her brain will be stimulated to an activity that will be all the more intense and powerful because of centuries of repose. Women will ignore precedent and startle civilization with their progress.”

swoon

In my estimation, Tesla, with his earth Uranus, was able to sense through time and through the key lines, that modern feminism would have masses of women rising up past the point that they should, into man-hating feminism, and various forms of narcissism and other personality disorders.

We see now that he was correct.

At the same time, he was insightful enough to realize that there would also be many women like me, who keep a centred and balanced approach in our relationships with men. We see this now, as women continue to rise in science and business fields, yet also continue to excel as magnificent mothers.

There were many more women who ardently pursued him or were rumoured to have interest, but I’m not going to make this article longer.

Main source: Check out teslauniverse dot com for more about him.

*

Btw, I didn’t plan for my 8th diary entry to include the 8th House. That’s just a bit of levity involving numerology. Capricorn season is heavily about ambitions, and so is 8 in numerology. Both energies are expressed as reaching for many goals and much success. And so I do.

[kisi-kavi-ki-kalpana]

i am tired of identities.

for a month now i have been thinking of pronouns and gender but mostly a purpose of life. and i am afraid i have none. i don’t resonate with the stars that align to form my birth chart, or the daily check-ins with co-star, or the tarot i turn to when everything falls apart. everything tells me i am better off alone, that there is meaning to the silence i have with others, and the infamous individualism i am accused of having like it’s a crime i commit, that it is a part of who i am. that this existence is supposed to be one without companions. but i am so terrified. and tired. and alone. and i just want to know that my friend, yes that one who hasn’t responded for weeks now, is doing okay, that they are alive. i want them to know i am grateful for them, even if we would never meet each other, even if they don’t think of me as much as i think of them, even though loving a friend as a friend is never quite enough to fulfil the emptiness they carry which looks so much like the hollowness you carve out of yourself and serve to others who get a little too close. i really want to have someone but i don’t want to give parts of me away, i just want to take parts of them that they have grown out of and hold it for them in case they change their mind. i stay up at nights, waiting for texts from this friend, who isn’t really a friend, in case they need help, or someone to talk to, because life isn’t kind to them, but they are really kind to me, so i hope i can be kind to them too. but none of that is enough, somehow, somewhere, always, forever, at the end of it all, i am alone, mean, coward, rude, all at once. self absorbed. distant. broken off. clingy. attached. to parts i shouldn’t be. 

/listening to jee le zara after aaj ke naam really brings out my thoughts uwu. hope i make it through this year. hope i run fast enough. hope i can be a better friend, and less selfish, and not always make everything about me, hope i can apologize at the right times. 

[helloastro24]

What causes a delay in marriage according to astrology?

In the modern world the idea of getting engaged in the 30s has become common. Since the 20s are used more about schooling and getting an income-generating job but the decade of 20s was also more about than a time to get married before. This isn't the case. According to the horoscope for marriage there is a delay in the marriage when a woman or man is 25 years old and is not married. However, this doesn't mean that marriage should be done before the age of 25. In fact, delaying the wedding according to astrology may be beneficial as early marriage could cause divorce.

Read Now: Daily Horoscope

The parents and worried people's minds are filled with crucial ideas on marriage predictions. What day will my wedding take place? Will I get married? What will it be? Will it be an arranged marriage or a love one? Every young person can be expected to be worried about their wedding horoscope particularly if they've never been in love until that moment throughout their life. As the marriage grows it becomes difficult to find a partner who is able to comprehend all aspects of the relationship.

Learn more about what could cause an interruption in the marriage.

The combination of houses and planets delays marriage

As we have mentioned that planet alignments in the chart could result in delays in the marriage. The causes may vary and are unique to each individual. But, these are the most frequent causes of marriage delays according to the astrology.

If Mars occurs in the 8th house of Saturn, which is the house of delays and delays, and Jupiter is seven-lord over marriage is retrograde, a person's wedding could be delayed.

If Jupiter the seventh god, is weak, and is situated on the eighth or sixth house of your birth chart it might exist Manglik Dosh. The 6th house is the home of difficulties, while it is also the one of delays.

According to Astrology, Saturn causes linked issues to progress slowly and with delays. This means that the seventh house's existence or connection to it could be one of the major reasons delays in the marriage.

Furthermore to that, if the seventh lord, or the karaka of marriage, Jupiter and Venus are afflicted in any house of the chart of birth and result in delays or problems with the marriage.

The marriage relationship suffers under the influence of planets that are unfavorable such as Mars and Ketu, Sun, Rahu, and Ketu.

It is also possible that delays in marriage result due to the weakness of the Lord of the first house and seventh houses.

Even when everything seems to be going smoothly, Dasha occasionally encounters resistance from her family members who are against marriage.

While the seventh house could be beneficial, some serious spiritual practices could postpone wedding if the person who is born there wants to live a spiritual lifestyle.

Jupiter and the seventh lord The seventh lord, Jupiter, and Saturn are weakened by their concord. Another reason why marriages get delayed is because of this.

The 12th house is the symbol of moksha, which is the liberation from physical existence. If Saturn and Venus meet within the birth chart while that the Moon remains in the 12th or 8th house, there are substantial chances of a late marriage.

Additionally, when Mars is located in the 7th house of the chart of birth, in conjunction with Saturn along with Venus are ascending and the marriage can be possible in later life.

If Moon and Rahu meet within the 7th house and the seventh Lord can be weak in this conjunction, it might delay weddings. There are many challenges that could occur and delay marriage according to Astrology.

Remedies for late marriages in the astrology

If you are considering marriage options, Jupiter is the most significant planet. According to Vedic Astrology, Jupiter represents elders. So, one method to avoid delays in the marriage process is to be respectful of the elders.

It is also possible to sing Brihaspati mantras to cure for a late marriage.

Venus is the second largest influence on your marriage, just behind Jupiter. Venus is the goddess of femininity or feminine traits. Another method to ensure an earlier marriage would be to please Venus by being nice and accommodating to female members of the family.

The planet of Karma is Saturn. It refers to your actions throughout your life. It is essential to keep Saturn at your side if you wish to avoid having a late wedding. It is essential to establish positive working relationships with people who work for you at work and at home in order to accomplish this.

Participate in charitable activities for the purpose of earning Rahu the blessings of Ketu. Help the elderly as well as the orphaned. Be a moral, upright and moral person.

We worship God Shiva along with Goddess Parvati in order to receive the Moon's and Sun's blessings. Shiva and Parvati symbolize Sun as well as Moon. The seventh house of the horoscope is strengthened by paying tribute to the two. It increases the probability of getting married.

Mercury is a symbol of relationships in our lives. Give clothes, cosmetics and even candy to girls on the street as well as at home to please Mercury.

There are numerous other methods that can speed the wedding process other than pleasing the planet's gods, for instance maintaining your Upa Pada Lagna fast and singing Ganesha Atharvashirsha to the retrograde planets of the 12th, 7th or 8th Houses.

Utilize the 7th house to discover everything you can about your possible life partner.

Gemstones to delay marriage

Gemstones can influence luck and improve positive outcomes, while also warding off negative outcomes. The power of diamonds affects many aspects of life and includes the possibility of getting married. Below are some stones that can aid to overcome marriage-related issues.

Diamonds

Many people use Diamonds as engagement rings to serve reasons. The romance and love in your relationship will be enhanced with diamonds. They ease stress and anxiety as well as clearing the mental space of negative, frightening thoughts. Furthermore, diamonds enhance the sensuous power and goodwill.

Yellow Sapphire

Women who experience issues with marriage may wear this stone since it connects with the solar system Jupiter. The stone helps to make a relationship more balanced and harmonious. Not only does it aid in marriage but it also improves the quality of life for married couples by encouraging happiness and longevity too.

Ruby

Ruby is a symbol of love and passion and symbolizes the Sun. Problems are resolved, and energy increases. Being able interact with Ruby in person leads to improvement in problems-solving abilities.

Emerald

Emerald enhances intelligence and more open communication. It promotes the maturity of the person and decreases anger and jealousy. Additionally, it's an effective detoxifier and balancer for one's own internal energy. However, it can reduce enthusiasm. Thus, newlywed couples must avoid wearing it.

[shrimalijodhpur]

How to Use Astrology to Improve Your Life

Astrology has a profound impact on our lives. We don't realize how the different movements of the moon and the planetary alignments can affect our emotions and minds. You can compare the planetary positions at any given time with Astrologer in Jodhpur, the ones that were there at our birth.

Each person's astrological chart is unique. Many times in our lives we fall into the comparison mode even though we know it is not a good way to think. Sometimes we wonder "Why am I doing it?" What's happening in my life right now? "Why do I need to see this?" An Astrologer in Indore brings new perspectives to our lives.

Astrology illuminates the path of life. It is up to us to choose whether or not we wish to follow this path. Astrologer in Delhi can help us see the good in our lives and show us how to make the most of them. 

Astrology is the connection between our present, future and past. It does not discriminate against caste, religion or gender. It only concerns the essential elements of our daily lives. Know about your future with the Best astrologer in Mumbai. 

For more info, visit our site :

Best astrologer in Jodhpur, Shrimali astrologer, Astrologer shrimali, Best astrologer in Indore, Best astrologer in Delhi, Best astrologer in Mumbai

[wiftos]

i actually travelled to america to ask gtwscar if this was accurate and he said it was trust me bro

[echo-of-sounds]

i don’t know

Okay, I don’t know where else to put this, so you can ignore it if you want, but I just need to get some thoughts, feelings, and anxieties out before I breakdown because of them. This’ll probably get long. And I’ll probably cry from frustration while writing this.

Two summers ago, when I was 21, my therapist said it was a possibility that I had Asperger's, mainly because of the social and cognitive symptoms. I have a horrible time understanding abstract information. In school, I cold never do a project unless I had concrete details. I just couldn’t grasp what they were asking of me. Teachers would narrow it down a bit, but it never helped. I need a clear outline. I legitimately could not do it otherwise. I froze and panicked and ended up nearly failing projects because of the lack of concrete direction.

I have a hard time understanding, what should be, simple sentences. I ask people to reword what they said or explain it in more depth. Some do. Some get angry and accuse me of not paying proper attention. I completely am. But I genuinely cannot make sense of their words and feel left out because they refuse to repeat themselves. It’s so frustrating. I loose track of the conversation, stop contributing, then they get angry again because I’m not responding to them.

My memory pertaining to certain things, is beyond amazing. I can recite the seating arrangements from all of my high school class. That was five years ago. But outside of that, it’s terrible (I know ADHD plays a role in this too). I always focus on the smaller details even if they weren’t important. I focused so much on them, I failed to see the larger picture. This also impacted so much of my schoolwork.

When I talk, I have no inflection. My voice is low and I often mumble. So many people have gotten angry at me for it. Then when I try to speak louder, to the point I’m genuinely strain myself and feel like I’m yelling, they still say I’m too quite. So I give up talking.

I had to go to speech therapy when I was younger (around 5 and 6 years old) because I still had trouble learning how to speak. My mom said I wouldn’t properly pronounce anything, use words wrong, and ‘babble’ a lot.

I’m so fucking clumsy. I bruise myself regularly because I just run into everything, even though they’ve been in the same place for years. I hit my hands off of things, nearly run into walls, and kick things often. 

And my sensitivities are off the charts. It’s honestly ridiculous (I know ADHD also plays a role in this, but sometimes I feel like it’s much more than that). People tell me to stop being a picky eater when the smell of fish makes me want to vomit and feeling beans in my mouth is just plain wrong. The only smell I can tolerate is vanilla. Anything else and I want to cry. Clothing is horrible. I’m so rarely comfortable. And noises are the worst. My dad says it’s quite, but I can hear the Tv, the Tv in the other room, the sink running, that beeping, the AC going, someone clicking, the sizzling on the stove, and it’s all too much. 

When I was younger, I used to have temper tantrums. A lot. They were bad. I’d hit myself, scratch myself with pens, and bang my head off the floor. I barely remember them, but I do remember it being more than just a ‘temper tantrum.’ The world was just too much and I didn’t know how to handle it, so I had a meltdown.

The severe self-harm eventually stopped, but the meltdown’s still happen to this day. My mom tries to get me to talk about it so she can help. But I can’t even explain why it happened half the time. It just did. 

I’ve had so few close friends throughout my life. The ones I do make, don’t last. It’s hard for me to keep them as a friend. They don’t do anything wrong or bad. I just can never keep that connection. I barely interact with people. Even when they’re around, I just don’t talk. I abhor looking people in the eyes. It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t even know why! People get angry at me. They think I’m ignoring them when I’m not. I’m just not looking directly at them.

Communicating my feelings and expressing empathy is something I just cannot do. So I fake it. I feel worse about not feeling bad about someone’s trouble than I do actually feeling bad for them (I don’t know if that makes sense). I fake it so I don’t sound rude. I don’t want them to be angry at me.

I’d get in trouble at school when I did something ‘wrong,’ but I didn’t understand what I did wrong. I still don’t to some point. Teachers just told me I broke a rule and was in trouble. When I would ask why, they said I should be able to know that by myself. But I couldn’t. No matter how hard I thought about it.

I have a morning routine. I do it daily. If it ever gets interrupted, stopped, or I can’t complete it for whatever reason, my entire day is off. I try to continue normally, but I can’t focus. I just now my morning was messed up and I spend the rest of the day obsessing over it. It doesn’t go away until the next day when I can complete it properly. 

I’ve always had hyperfocuses. ADHD affects this. I know. Some come and go, like a certain video game will consume my life or I’m suddenly preoccupied with writing poems for a week. But those go away. All my life, I’ve loved reading and learning about dinosaurs/megafauna/evolution, plants, and psychology. They’re easy for me to learn about. I retain so much information without trying. I never had to study for my psych. exams. Never. And I always aced them. I just obsessed about the subject and they remained in my memory so well.

As for stimming, I’ve done a lot of different things throughout my life, but I was always told to stop, told they were annoying, or questioned about them. So I stopped doing each one because I was scared people would get angry with me. Because some have. 

I used to rub my fingers together. It kept my hands busy, but it also helped me focus and relieved some anxious energy. I didn’t know why. It just made me feel better. I’d be on the computer, using the mouse with my right hand, rubbing my fingers together with my left. My dad questioned why I did it. I didn’t have an answer so I did it less. I did it in school, while taking a test, and the teacher told me to stop because it was disruptive. I eventually stopped doing it all together because people would constantly make me feel bad for it.

I also used to babble. It was one of the reasons I was sent to speech therapy. Instead of helping me learn how to talk properly, because I did need help with that, the workers there just forced me to stop babbling/humming/repeating a word because it wasn’t proper behavior for the situation I was in. 

Though I don’t babble anymore, as that was basically forced out of my behavior, I still hum and repeat lines (whether from a Tv show or a book) to myself, sometimes for days at a time. I also move my head and neck around and twist my wrists while I’m focusing on something. Half the time, I don’t realize I’m doing it. It takes another person to point it out.

My therapists said it was a possibility that I had Asperger’s. My psychiatrist said she didn’t believe so because I was able to connect with her. She felt I didn’t ‘align’ with the social troubles. I can talk to her, share feelings, look her in the eye, smile ate jokes (though sometimes I fake smile- I see another person smile so I match it), and I don’t have trouble going off topic and rambling about specific subjects.

I said okay at the time. She’s a smart woman and I trust her. But ever since, it’s been on my mind. I’ve always felt different. I don’t mean that in like ‘I’m special’ kind of way. I mean it like, ‘There’s something wrong with me and I don’t understand what it is. I don’t understand why others can do X while that takes me longer/more effort to understand. I genuinely felt ostracized. But I just accepted it.’

I don’t know how to bring it up to my mom and/or dad. I know my mom will be supportive, but I’m scared about other people. My younger brother makes jokes about autism. My siblings, dad, and stepmom don’t do anything. It pisses me off to no end. I’ve yelled and sworn at him for what he says. But he keeps doing it. My other siblings say it’s just a joke and I need to relax, but I can’t. They aren’t jokes. They’re rude, ableist, and most of them are making fun of things I do. He, nor none of family, just don’t that because I keep them hidden.

And I don’t know how to bring it back up to my psychiatrist. I feel connected to many of the symptoms and like it explains so much of my life, especially when I was young, but I don’t know how to explain all my thoughts on the subject. When she asks me a question, I often freeze and undercut my own troubles and downplay it. I’ve been obsessing over this the past few months. It’s partly why my depression got bad for a time. I don’t know it I’m making a mountain out of a mole or if I should actually seek professional help to help me, especially since I’ve applied for disability benefits because my mental health has been so bad the past couple of years.

Anyway, I’m done my ranting. Thanks for listening if you did. And I’m open to advice. I’ve just felt so stuck recently and I feel like it’ll only get worse.

[honeysbunchesofoats]

Personal Manifesto fun time with Laura

Okay so I know, like, no one cares, but here’s the outline for how I wrote my manifesto that I’m using to guide my life and choices in the coming year. (It is NOT intentionally New Year’s Resolutions, because I started journaling and thinking about it in early December. And like glue on the binding, I’m sticking to it). SO I wrote a silly little thing to help me work on the insane 23 page document.

-cover pages with images and text that I find inspiring and relate to the content

-why am I making this ridiculous thing? why am I doing this right now? Life circumstances? what do I want out of this?

-overview of: purpose-values-goals-habits

·         Purpose: a core belief that acts as a foundation

·         Values: choose values that are balanced and help me achieve my purpose

·         Goals: goals direct my attention to my values in a concrete way

·         Habits: daily actions that establish the goal in my life

-what is spoon theory?

·         Pacing & Planning: balancing goals and habits throughout the year

·         How I’m going to practice this every day

-who am I?

·         Values: what matters most to me (inner self)

·         Characteristics: inherent traits that may or may not be visible

·         Emotions: how I feel, informed by my inner self and outward situation

because my art therapist said so- where do you feel them in your body?

·         Behaviors: my outward reactions and expressions (outer self)

-what are my values? (yes these are all very intertwined, it’s just an amalgamation of thoughts)

·         Origin

·         History

·         Past influences

·         Current influences

·         Reasons it’s a current value

-what are my goals to achieve happiness in my values?

·         Three goals to align with three top values

·         Three “seasons” throughout the year- this will lead to a total of nine values overall

·         Make SMART goals to direct each of these

How will I stick to them? (sticker charts :) )

-what will my lifestyle be like going forwards?

·         Month-by-month: check-in to reflect on the past month, and set intentions and action steps for the coming month

·         Weekly: spend time going through my schedule and ensuring that I make consistent time for the habits established to make the goal possible

·         Daily: create routines for the day to help build structure in my life

Morning-during(mindfulness, ugh, so hard)-evening

Review plans and to-dos for the day

What’s important to keep you going?

-wrap it up!

·         What’s the point, my love?

·         How did this process go for you? Did you enjoy it? Was it challenging? In what ways?

·         Leave some questions to think about regularly

What brought me joy today?

What’s nurturing to me?

What’s going on in my body? (this is kinda dual purpose for me, it’s relating to my emotions and where I feel them and how I identify them. and also I have fibromyalgia, so how I’m feeling physically significantly impacts how I’m doing mentally)

Make a draft that would disappoint even your 3rd grade english teacher

And honestly, I spent a lot of time journaling about these thoughts before I even started writing the whole manifesto. I often copied things directly from my journal because I thought they represented my ideas very accurately. So this was a very long process for me, but it’s very personal for each person who does this.