#dan meme 2017

[ahappydnp]

So I was rewatching dd last night and when dnp were in the Bespoke Activity Corner dan mentioned that he had a breakdown before tour bc he was gay so that got me thinking- if not for ii do u think he would’ve come out in 2018? Why didn’t they come out before ii? What was Phil’s reaction? Like did Dan feel pressure? It’s obviously their business but it really made me look back ya know

obviously we only know what he's said BUT he was actively planning on coming out before ii but i think there were a lot of factors in play as to why he didn't

dan had not come out to his family yet. he said in BIG that he was planning on telling his family christmas 2017, his mum's birthday (feb 2018), and easter 2018 but ended up backing out. he obviously couldn't come out publicly until he had come out privately to his family

he was already living in a glass closet most of 2017 but then march 2018 he made ttlmt (where he made some obvious references to being not straight). people picked up on the queer signaling and dan freaked and backtracked hard in a now infamous liveshow. the liveshow was so poorly received that phil had to do some damage control and dan was clearly not doing well at all.

this part is speculation but i do think the post liveshow backlash is when dan's rosé breakdown happened/phil not thinking the tour would happen. they were working nonstop while dan was both publicly struggling with his audience and secretly struggling with the prospects of coming out

in april 2018 dan said in a liveshow that he plans on uploading a video "in june, that's a sequel to ttlmt". he was talking about filming it mid tour as well, planning on filming it while they were on a break between the uk and european dates (side note about this liveshow: it was about him privating quite a few of his old videos which looking back makes sense because he knew coming out would mean a lot of eyes on his...less than unproblematic old content but his way of going about it backfired yet again and the audience was mad at him again for some lowkey misogyny)

"the june video" became a meme because throughout ii dan would say it was coming soon ("it might be a september video, an october video, who knows")

people have pointed out that he (and phil) were probably aware that there might be some issues with coming out very publicly as gay when they were about to travel to some of the tour dates with anti lgbtq stances. i'm not saying it's why he didn't, but i don't think they didn't consider it

basically he did in fact plan to come out in 2018 and it wasn't the tour alone stopping him. which is completely fair like i cannot fathom what was going through his head when he thought he was going to come out to his family, come out to the entire world by making a massive video, go on an 80+ date world tour, move house (lets not forget they were originally scheduled to move into the forever home in 2018 too!!!) and not lose his shit??? girl.

anyway he's mentioned that BIG would have been a different video if he had come out before ii because meeting so much of his queer audience changed a lot for him which really is beautiful. i just hate that the ii era was also tough for him behind the scenes

[fazcatz]

i think we need to study the impact of 2017 ditty memes on dan and phil. it has been 7 years and yet there is always little sprinkles of it in their interactions if you squint.

[alittledizzy]

Re the boop gif and the Instagram video and your reply to the previous anon about it, this goes so to the heart of one of my feelings about Dan and Phil as people. I know it's my outsider interpretation, but I feel like Phil loves Dan so sweetly and loudly and Dan has thanked Phil openly for supporting him and being there for him in really hard situations. Dan is much drier, though he has started showing love openly much more in the last few years. (Though his recent comparison of his life with Phil as being the carer for a roadkill possum was incredible) And I mean just general love, whatever, nobody send a hex. Anyway, I just feel like Phil can be so guarded, sometimes I watch him and send out a wish that he feels a lot of squishy sappy love day to day in his life. ...is this what it means to be a Phillie?

Their different ways of expressing love have always been fascinating. But I will say the perception of Phil being the more open and loving one is definitely a 180 from past eras of them. Prior to about 2017, robo-Phil was a meme for a reason. Phil had a flawless poker face when it came to casual mentions of a future wife or girlfriend, making countless videos retelling stories of dates and girlfriends, referring to Dan has his friend.

Dan always felt like he gave them away more because he was cagier but like... noticably cagier. Dan acted like a person with a secret to guard and Phil was the thing he guarded most. You could tell there was something strong bubbling beneath the surface based on how defensive and reactive he is, how quick he was to lash out when he felt like someone was digging in the wrong spot.

So to see how they both handle it now is amazing to me. I do think Phil in general is far more relaxed, but I think Phil also has a healthier divide between their life and what an audience thinks of their life - whereas Dan has always been hyperaware of how he's percieved and that's the root of a lot of his need for major evolution and change.

Also, I appreciate that you meant general love, but they are boyfriends husbands fucking married etc and I'm not afraid to say it.

[80s-reject]

d+p asks: 7, 10, 15

7: fav dan video? top dan memes 2016

10: fav phil video? what dan and phil text eachother 2021, i rewatch it every other week

15: how long have u been watching dnp? ouuuh idk i think i watched some of their most popular videos in 2016 and i interacted a bit with the phandom but i think i mightve properly started watching them in 2017

[goldenpinof]

Regarding Dan's tweet about mandatory service - as a Russian I feel you. It's literally like that "first time?" meme. Half of my friends are now scattered across the world because they or their partners had to flee from this shit.

It's terrifying and frustrating to watch Europe go down this path. Guys, trust me, there's nothing good there. You might view my country's political regime as a relic of the past, but don't be naive and careless enough to think it can't become your reality too.

I remember not going to protests in 2017 because I was 18 and scared of getting arrested and expelled from uni. I remember thinking "surely our law is at it's lowest point now". Oh, how wrong I was) It can always get worse. So use your rights while you have them.

yeah, exactly.

@ everyone reading: about being scared. believe me, your uni won't give you rights, but your country can take your rights away while you're sitting on lectures instead of fighting for yourself. your job won't really give you the fundamental rights either. protests matter, lmao. and this is coming from someone who lost after months and months of protects. they still matter. and the more serious you are about it, the better. if you have a voice, use it until it's too late.

[philsmeatylegss]

U and V? 💖

U - Underrated; What is the most underrated Dan and Phil video?

I have three for Phil!!! I forget the exact title, but it’s something alone the lines of “I go to the gym for the first time.” It’s from like early 2017 when Phil met with a trainer once and the trainer pushed him so hard that he threw up and never went back. I think the pigeon video is criminally underrated and so funny. I think the same for the plant tour video.

For Dan, I think “memes from 2022.” The story time he did with Louise about the awful dinner they had. Side channel video where he clicks through pop ups from the website he created when he was 12 for like ten minutes. Side channel video when Louise waxes his legs.

V - Video Game; What video game do you most want to see on dapg?

Not a big video game person so not really sure. I think mario kart with fans are really fun and also the fucking video where they play husband and wife that they never finished.

[best-phan-video-poll]

Round 3, wave 2

[alarrytale]

a veteran larrie friend, regarding the recent Larry denial, writes to me: "Even in 2017/18 we didn't see them together and (louis) did such shit to us, something absurd, that made us cry and a lot of us wished only to say fuck him. These denials are bullshit, especially this last one that denied but didn't deny. Sometimes I really don't understand the fandom." Can you tell me what Louis did on that occasion? and how did you recover?

Hi, anon!

I'm pretty sure your friend is talking about the denial he did in an intervew with Dan Wo*toon from the Sun in 2017. And maybe also this.

I wasn't affected at all, if you survived bullshit 1.0, you'll survive anything. The fandom coped fine too. We memed like usual lol. It was very low on the "denial that impacted fandom" scale. Louis looked manic and it's Dan Wo*toon, so it didn’t come as a surprise to anyone that we got the denial. Dan had announced he was going to shut us up before the interview.

You see how well that worked lol. We're still here, stronger than ever, and Dan turned right wing, was accused of catfishing and then got fired from his job. Guess which of us was "shut up". Larries stay winning!

[osirisius]

just things I've seen in random places online and found it weird / interesting and maybe others will as well

In 2015-2023

Josh Peck gets married

Drake has a meltdown on twitter about not being invited causing a slew of drama

A "source" claims that Dan Schneider was invited to the wedding but take that with a grain of tiny tiny tiny salt.

The very next day after the news broke that Josh did not invite Drake to the wedding Dan posts a weird throwback behind the scenes photo from Drake and Josh of Drake where in the scene he is preparing egg yolks for cooking.

Attention was drawn back on "An Open Secret" in an article about the struggle it took to even get it out for people to watch

The Daily Mail UK wrote an article about Brian Peck, openly calling him a registered s/o pedophile and bringing up An Open Secret in the article.

Drake Bell is in a movie called Cover Versions

Josh is a member of the David Dobrik friend group on youtube around this time because it was before David Dobrik was outed for "allegedly" nearly getting someone killed while filming one of his videos

Josh actually made a number of videos with Drake during this period of time despite the fact that Josh claims they hadn't spoken in 15 years prior to Bell's outburst on twitter.

A zoey101 reboot was announced at an anniversary event, Alexa Nikolas was not invited to reunite with the cast, Dan Schneider was there.

Speaking of Alexa, 2018 was when she formally and publicly called out Nickolodeon and Dan for toxic sets and an environment that was unsafe to children.

Neds Declassified actors call Alexa out and imply she's just dramatic and making shit up

A formal investigation into Dan Schneider was launched in 2018, by the end of that year he was "quietly" let go and allegedly they gave him a lot of money upon his departure

Drake Bell starts releasing new music in mid 2018, he is interviewed by PEOPLE magazine, in this time period he does a lot of press, like actual press, not podcasts like he does now as he claims that no actual news places will have him as an interview.

Also in 2018, Brian Robbins stepped down as CEO of Nickolodeon and Butch Hartman (Fairly Odd Parents) left the network as well.

Josh has a baby with his wife, in late 2018, he publishes a photo on Instagram of Drake hanging out with the newborn.

Billboard music magazine interviews Drake on his new music

Jane Doe calls the cops and files a report against Drake Bell.

Drake cancels all upcoming concerts and shows during the length of the investigation.

Drake goes through this investigation and in the mean time he is still trying to release music, it is assumed at this time his finances were not good due, there is a rumor about a Drake and Josh revival in mid... to late 2019?

There is a rumor based on a Mexican meme where his fans from Mexico started calling him Drake Campana (which is bell in spanish), this happens in 2020 so I think it's funny that people claim that he changed his name and fled to Mexico in 2021 when these things happened before that, and another one is the talking point that people say Josh was distancing himself from Drake because of the child endangerment charge but the wedding incident was in 2017. Years prior to the public 2021 case.

There are social media posts about Drake Bell "changing his name to Campana after finding musical sucess in mexico", in 2020.... before the "fled to mexico" rumor started. There were also multiple articles stating that Drake Bell changed his name and moved to Mexico, rebranding himself based on the fact that his music was more popular there.

Drake promotes his "Lost Album" in early 2020

In late summer 2020, Drake's ex comes forward with allegations about domestic violence

Around this time, Dan Schneider allegedly has his lawyers try to get into contact with Alexa

COVID stuff puts a hamper on a lot of things, Drake starts doing at home instagram live singing sessions.

Dan had announced in early 2020 something about a project he was working on and that he was ready to get back to making shows.

Josh Peck distances himself from David Dobrik during this period due to allegations against David from multiple people, another person in the vlog squad was accused of SA so that probably didn't make Josh wanna stick around

A ton of articles pop up about Drake changing his name and moving to mexico, it stops being about him finding an audience for his music and people start to speculate it's because of allegations from his ex.

This starts to spread like wildfire on twitter and other social media platforms.

a pretty damning NYT article about Dan Schnider is posted online. noting that Dan does not update socials often anymore and is rarely seen out in public, the project he was working on in 2020 seemed to have not worked out.

Information regarding Drake's arrest come to light in 2021, the allegations against him from Jane Doe also come to light and the internet goes wild over it, tons of gossip articles and youtube channels post about it.

a 2021 article comes out about Dan, he responds to allegations of misconduct on the sets of his shows.

Kimmy Robertson hangs out with Brian Peck, shamelessly uploading a photo of them together.

The Jane Doe case is closed when Drake accepts the charges of child endangerment / attempted, and sending "texts of a sexual nature" to a minor (just putting it in quotes because that's how his defense said it)

Although the case is closed, the internet does not and start to make memes and calling Drake a predator, pdf, r*pst on any and all social media he has.

Alexa Nikolas takes legal action against her ex for SA, she also continues to call out Dan and nickolodeon, earning her a reputation from others as "overreacting" and "dramatic"

Sloan makes a video about Drake Bell, talking about the 2021 allegations but also bringing up Brian Peck, heavily "hinting" in his video that Drake is the John Doe from the 2003 case

Drake tries contact with Sloan to get the video removed, Sloan makes a bunch of weird videos about how he's being threatened and intimidated, he does not remove the video, he makes more videos on Drake and the 2021 allegations as well as bringing up the allegations from his ex(es)

Josh Peck and Drake Bell's on again off again "feud" shows up in the form of Josh claiming they hadn't talked in 15 years and that he "Had a tony soprano moment" at the VMAs in 2017, claiming he says "go apologize to my wife" regarding the wedding drama from 2017. Drake and his then wife Janet have one episode of their podcast discussing this and the failed D&J revival.

in 2022 Drake Bell was spotted in flordia allegedly huffing in the car with his baby in the back seat (oof dude wtf)

Alexa Nikolas amidst the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trial drama starts doing her livestreams about exposing SA and more in hollywood.

Drake Bell gets more news stories surrounding his "odd behavior" and online spaces are still calling him a r*pist and p*do,

In 2023 Amanda Bynes has a mental breakdown and flags a car down to call 911, she is placed on a psych hold.

A few weeks later Drake Bell goes missing in Malibu, the police start looking for him and consider him to be "in danger" as some of these articles allege that he had sent upsetting text messages to his mother, and when he wasn't answering his phone, his brother calls the cops.

It's revealed that he was texting his mother, upset about things regarding his child visits as he and his wife had broken up some time before this but decided to co parent their son.

He is seen several times huffing in his car

There are screenshots from alleged conversations by Drake in his own discord, talking about how he's tired of being called a r*pist and that it'll never end.

His wife files for divorce officially

At this point he checks himself into rehab.

.

[jezatalks]

J'y repense. Ma famille est d'accord pour dire que j'ai des goûts particuliers/nuls en musique (ce qui est vrai). Mais par contre L'HYPOCRISIE DE LEUR PAR.

Mes parents ont été dans les premiers à personnaliser leur sonnerie de portable. Ce qui se faisait très rarement à l'époque. Et donc mon père avait le thème des gendarmes à Saint Tropez (encore ça va). Ma mère c'était C'est Parti mon kiki ! En sonnerie comme en réveil. Je vous raconte pas les gènes avec ma sœur quand ça sonnait en conseil parents/élèves au collège.

Le premier clip vidéo que mes parents ont regardé aux débuts de Dailymotion c'était Ma vache à Grossi des VRP. Ça m'a énormément marqué pour que j'en parle.

Ils écoutaient donc beaucoup les VRP et Les Wampas. Aka du rock alternatif avec parfois des paroles bêtes/graveleuses (je pense surtout au titre Les livres de fesse des VRP).

Je vis aussi dans le contexte que mon père est fan de rock garage/alternatif, et ma mère était assistante maternelle donc mettait pas mal de chansons pour enfants.

À 11 ans, (8 ans pour ma sœur) nos parents investissent dans les collections intégrales du Muppet Show. Vous aviez sûrement remarqué que mon humour en est un mix avec les jeux de mots poissons/insectes des animal crossing + la culture meme/internet.

Un des albums qu'on écoutait beaucoup l'été c'était "Got the Go Vol.1" où figurait donc le titre c'est parti mon kiki (cité plus haut), mange des tomates mon amour ou encore Gruesome qui a les 1ères secondes hyper coup de flippe quand on ne s'y attend pas.

Février 2017. Je me rappelle TRÈS BIEN de la date. J'étais en école d'art, j'étais revenue pendant les vacances scolaires et je galerais sur le dessin d'un chaton blanc à la mine de plomb en format raisin. Et, pendant ces deux semaines. Mes parents avaient mis en boucle le titre Je m'éclate au Sénégal des Martin Circus (ceux à l'origine du titre Marylene, repris par Babybel pour une pub). Pour la peine le clip en post direct.

DEUX SEMAINES DE CETTE MUSIQUE EN BOUCLE.

Conclusion : Oui j'ai des goûts vraiment chelous, mais je pense que l'origine vient clairement de mes parents.

[nope-astrology-nope]

Oooooh i love this! Thank you @asdfghjklmpff! ♥ ♥

NAME: Dan

SIGN: Don't believe in it

HEIGHT: 1,68m

TIME: 5:55pm

BIRTHDAY: February 17

FAVORITE ARTIST/BAND: Oh boy, it really depends. Whatever I listen to depends on what I'm writing at the moment, and right now I'm not writing anything, I am planning to write a novel tho, and I'm listening to MGMT because it has the perfect ring to it. That being said, the 2 bands I always keep on my phone because I can't imagine my life without them are We Lost the Sea and Romantycy Lekkich Obyczajów. Also the Mushishi soundtrack.

LAST MOVIE: I've been on a movie-watching spree these days, the last ones I watched were "Magnolia" and "Annihilation". I'm watching "Everything Everywhere All at Once" tonight.

LAST SHOW: Mononoke.

(This didn't ask what was the last book I read but I'm adding it because I want to and because it was sooooo good)

LAST BOOK: The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August, by Claire North.

WHEN I CREATED THIS BLOG: June 2017

WHAT I POST: Memes. Fanart. Cute animal videos. Sharks. More memes. Gay and trans stuff. Things I find beautiful.

OTHER BLOGS: 3. @kfw-dan is my main, @nature-in-movies is kinda dead, but that's because I haven't been watching a lot of movies lately, and @vincent-honey​ is my yellow blog!

DO I GET ASKS: Nah, never. I did get a few anons here and I think I know who is behind them.

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: 7-8, no matter what time I go to bed (usually 12:30 but I stay up until later) I wake up around 9 every day.

WHAT I’M WEARING: Blue/black polar pants, dark blue tank top and a blue-ish green long-sleeve shirt. Barefoot to keep it in balance.

DREAM JOB: I kinda have a dream job right now, because I work at an LGBT library, as the librarian, but I don't like my schedule and also I'm volunteering so I'm not getting paid. I would like to live off as a writer tho, that has been my dream since I was a kid and I found out you could actually write stories for a living.

DREAM TRIP: Finland, to see the northern lights.

FAVOURITE SONGS (and quotes from them, just for some spice): Oh my. I don't usually pay attention to the lyrics, and I usually prefer instrumental music or bands in languages I don't understand. Such as the two bands I mentioned before. But well, let me think of a few.

Aurora - Infections Of A Different Kind, A Different Kind of Human

Julia Marcell - Aye Aye (this is probably my favourite song right now)

Perturbator - Humans Are Such Easy Prey

Romantycy Lekkich Obyczajów - Lepiej znaczy teraz

For quotes, like I said, I don't really pay attention to the lyrics, but I do want to quote this one because the contrast between the music and the lyrics just blows my mind.

Sea Oleena - Insomnia plague

It's been sixty days / Since the black sky opened up the food-gates / Fell down hard on the sun-stained fair-grounds / Held back any / Recollection / Of the bloodshed / Somehow / And now / This unending rain / Stopping short on the surface of the watery graves / Is another, even nicer, simpler sort of silence these days / Don't be so afraid of the insomnia plague

This was nice! I loved going through my music collection and giving a listen to songs I hadn't listened in a while! ♥

I tag @sea-boi, @rayesworld and @ephemeral-eternity ♥

[gabrielisscripta]

Séance #13 Alternative facts are facts 💯

22 janvier 2017, la journée où la conseillère présidentielle utilise le terme fait alternatif (Blake, 2017). Pour ceux qui ont suivi de près ou de loin de l'investiture électorale américaine de 2016, les tentatives de modifier les narratives médiatiques par la campagne de l’ancien président ont toujours été divertissantes (et inquiétantes) d’un point de vue extérieur. Ses efforts constants à instiguer un nihilisme dans les trames discursives américaines ont accéléré la perte de crédibilité des organes de presse. Utiliser des faits alternatifs n’était qu'un symptôme du processus de pousser ce qui est acceptable comme mésinformation de la Maison-Blanche (Vox, 2017). 

Depuis 2016, j’ai infiltré des groupes de droites numériques pour des raisons d’observations anthropologiques et gardé un poulx sur leurs raisonnements et leurs interactions avec la politique américaine. Ces comptes en question, sur Instagram, Twitter, Facebook) expriment une filiation explicite au candidat républicain et son éthos. Cela inclut des personnalités politiques notables, des groupes d’intérêts et des pages de memes. Mes constatations sont purement anecdotiques. Depuis huit ans, le fossé entre les deux factions politiques s’est accentué. Les points de vue des pages républicaines se sont progressivement insérés dans un courant opposé à celle des démocrates. Le cynisme  plus tôt a libéré les repères contemporains qui relativisent leur réalité. Maintenant, les trumpistes réussissent à toujours trouver un scénario à l'opposé de la version partagée par les médias mainstreams (McCarthy, 2024). 

Même s’il y a une segmentation importante à faire quant aux affiliations politiques des complotistes, le discours récurrent de l’ancien président alimente une base qui s’éloigne des autres sources d’informations qui créent une dissonance cognitive quant à leurs croyances et les médias. Leurs diètes médiatiques sont réduit à des réseaux sociaux qui sont dans la même mentalité que la leur et les avis conflictuels sont censurés. Certains n’ont plus aucune honte et créent leurs propres mésinformations. Dans l’espace cynique qu’ils ont créé, la vérité est relative. Le gouvernement est l’antagoniste. La vraie information n’est pas partagée par les médias, mais par leurs propres réseaux de contacte qui n’ont pas de source fiable. 

J’ai dû quitter quelques groupes au fil des ans, puisque les propos partagés étaient trop extrêmes pour mes sens. Non seulement les publications incitent plus à la violence, à la conservation de l’identité nationale, à des connotations xénophobes, mais aussi à l’éventuel Armageddon. Je n’étais plus capable de rester passif devant ces endorsements sincèrement haineux. Il n’y avait simplement pas de terrain stable entre leurs idées et mes convictions, alors j’ai dû me retirer de leur bulle informationnelle. 

Source: Sabatini, 2024

Références bibliographiques

Blake, A. (2017, 22 janvier). Kellyanne Conway says Donald Trump's team has 'alternative facts'. Which pretty much says it all. The Washington Post. URL. 

McCarthy, B. (2024, 26 mars). Des théories du complot circulent, malgré l’absence de trace d’acte criminel. LaPresse. URL. 

Sabatini, A. (2024). 26 mars). DEI did this. [Tweet]. Twitter. URL✝.

Vox. 2017. How Trump makes extreme things look normal. Youtube. URL. 

✝ Tweet maintenant supprimé

[kbanews]

Eks Ketua Guru Agama Se-Jateng: Sulit untuk Mencari Kekurangan Anies Baswedan

JAKARTA | KBA – Meme bergambar Anies Baswedan dengan tulisan Guru Jadi Presiden yang viral di media sosial mendapat tanggapan beragam dari kalangan guru dan pendidik. Meski pada umumnya sepakat bahwa latar belakang Anies sebagai guru dan perhatiannya terhadap pendidikan sangat tepat untuk memimpin Indonesia, namun ada yang kurang setuju dengan meme bergambar Gubernur DKI Jakarta periode 2017-2022…

[yo252yo]

Macronismes

J’ai demande a GPT4 via Bing de resumer le discours du president ce midi. Je lui ai demande d’utiliser differents styles pour illustrer la versatilite de ses capacites et apporter differents points de vue humoristiques pour intéresser les gens. Je n’ai rien ecris moi meme

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Chère France,

Je veux te parler de la réforme des retraites que j’ai faite avec mes copains. C’est ma réforme à moi et elle est trop bien. Il faut la faire sinon on aura plus de sous quand on sera vieux et je pourrai plus t’acheter des cadeaux. Elle est plus juste et plus gentille que l’ancienne parce que c’est moi qui l’ai faite.

Mais il y a des gens qui sont pas contents, qui font des caprices, qui crient et qui cassent tout. Ils sont trop nuls et ils comprennent rien. Mais moi je vais pas leur faire plaisir, parce que c’est moi le chef et que c’est toi qui m’as choisi. Et si tu m’as choisi c’est que tu m’aimes plus que les autres.

Je veux aussi te dire que cette réforme c’est pas pour m’amuser, mais pour préparer la France à demain. Il faut qu’on apprenne plein de choses, qu’on soit en bonne santé, qu’on protège la planète. Mais surtout il faut qu’on soit forts et qu’on s’aime avec les autres pays d’Europe parce qu’ils sont nos copains et qu’ils nous donnent des sous.

Alors s’il te plaît France, sois gentille avec moi et aide-moi à faire cette réforme. Sinon je vais pleurer très fort et tu vas avoir mal à la tête. Ne fais pas comme les gens méchants qui veulent me faire du mal. Reste avec moi et fais-moi des câlins.

Je t’aime très fort France. Tu es la meilleure France du monde et tu dois faire tout ce que je te dis.

Bisous !

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Peuple de France,

Je m’adresse à vous aujourd’hui pour vous annoncer la réforme des retraites que nous avons imposée avec le gouvernement et la majorité parlementaire. Cette réforme est inévitable, impérative et autoritaire. Elle vise à assurer l’avenir de notre système de retraite par répartition, à le rendre plus conforme à ma volonté et plus favorable à mes intérêts.

Je sais que cette réforme provoque des protestations, des résistances, voire de la révolte chez certains d’entre vous. Je les méprise et je les réprime. Mais je ne reculerai pas face à la pression de la rue, qui n’a pas la légitimité du peuple qui s’est soumis à moi en 2017.

C’est pourquoi je vous ordonne de faire preuve de discipline et d’obéissance. Ne cédons pas aux sirènes du populisme, du progressisme ou du pluralisme. Ne nous laissons pas diviser par ceux qui veulent attiser les libertés et les droits. Soyons unis autour des valeurs qui font ma grandeur : l’ordre, l’autorité, la fidélité.

Je compte sur vous pour accompagner cette transformation historique de notre pays. Je sais que nous sommes capables de relever ensemble les grands défis de mon règne. Je n’ai qu’une ambition : faire de la France un pays plus fort, plus juste et plus solidaire.

Vive moi ! Vive la France !

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Mes frères et sœurs,

Je me vieng devant vous hui pour vous parler de la réforme des retraites que Dieu tout-puissant nous a inspirée. Ceste réforme est une œuvre de justice, de nécessité et de courage. Elle vise à garantir l’avenir de notre système de retraite par répartition, à le rendre plus conforme à la volonté du Très-Haut et plus favorable au salut éternel.

Mais il y a des hérétiques infidèles qui s’opposent à ceste réforme. Ils sont sourds à la voix de Dieu et à la volonté du peuple. Ils veulent semer la discorde, le mensonge et la violence parmi nous. Ils sont les instruments du démon qui veut nous détourner du droit chemin.

C’est pourquoi je vous demande de faire preuve de vertu et de charité. Ne cédons point aux sirènes du péché, de l’orgueil ou de l’idolâtrie. La violence n’est mie acceptable dans notre démocratie. Le dialogue social doit se poursuivre dans le respect des règles et des institutions. Nous devons tous faire preuve de compréhension et de compromis pour édifier ensemble l’avenir de notre nation. Nous devons renforcer notre souveraineté nationale et européenne face aux puissances infernales.

Je vous remercie pour votre attention et votre confiance.

Louons le Seigneur pour ses bienfaits ! Prions pour qu’il nous guide dans nos choix ! Humilions-nous devant sa grandeur ! Que Dieu vous garde ! Vive la République ! Vive la France !

Et que le démon soit chassé loing de nous !

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Bip bip. Unité de communication Macron :

Début du message.

Objet : réforme des retraites.

Description : changement du système de calcul des pensions basé sur les points et non plus sur les annuités. Objectifs : assurer la pérennité du système par répartition, augmenter la solidarité entre les générations et diminuer les écarts entre les régimes.

Évaluation : réforme POSITIVE, NÉCESSAIRE et COURAGEUSE.

Analyse : réforme source de questionnements, de peurs et de colère. Reconnaissance et respect des émotions. Refus de céder aux actions de blocage, de contestation et de déstabilisation.

Recommandation : faire preuve de responsabilité, d’apaisement et de dialogue. Progresser ensemble vers un nouveau pacte social qui assure à tous une retraite SATISFAISANTE et ÉQUITABLE.

Remerciement pour l’attention et la confiance.

Fin du message.

Bzzz bzzz.

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Mes chers petits,

Je vous parle aujourd’hui pour vous offrir un cadeau merveilleux que j’ai préparé avec mes lutins. Ce cadeau s’appelle la réforme des retraites. C’est une belle surprise qui va rendre votre vie plus belle quand vous serez grands. Vous avez de la chance, hein ?

Je sais que ce cadeau ne vous plaît pas trop, que vous préféreriez avoir des jouets, des bonbons ou des jeux vidéo. Je sais que certains d’entre vous font des caprices, des bêtises ou des colères pour me dire qu’ils n’en veulent pas. Mais je ne vais pas changer d’avis, car je sais ce qui est bon pour vous. Vous devriez me dire merci, non ?

C’est pourquoi j’ai demandé à mes rennes de voler très vite pour vous apporter ce cadeau sans attendre. Ce n’est pas parce que je suis pressé ou que je n’ai pas envie de discuter avec vous. C’est parce que je veux que vous profitiez de ce cadeau le plus vite possible.

Je sais que certains d’entre vous vont bouder demain et refuser de sortir de leur lit ou d’aller à l’école. Je leur demande de faire un effort et de respecter les autres enfants qui veulent apprendre et s’amuser. Je leur demande aussi de ne pas écouter les méchants qui veulent leur faire peur en disant que ce cadeau est empoisonné. Vous n’êtes pas naïfs, si ?

Ce cadeau est au contraire magique. Il peut être amélioré si vous avez des idées ou des suggestions pour le rendre encore plus beau. Je suis prêt à vous écouter si vous êtes sages et polis.

Je vous demande de faire confiance en moi et en mon cadeau. Nous avons ensemble passé de bons moments ces dernières années : nous avons chanté des chansons, fait des dessins, lu des histoires…

Je compte sur vous pour accepter ce cadeau avec joie et gratitude. Je compte sur vous pour continuer à être gentils, généreux et solidaires.

Vive Noël ! Vive la France !

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Yo les gars,

Je vais vous parler de la réforme des retraites que j’ai faite avec mes potes du pouvoir. C’est une réforme de ouf, qui va assurer le futur de notre retraite à la cool. Yeah man !

Je sais que cette réforme vous fait flipper grave. Je capte votre vibe et je la kiffe. Mais je vais pas me laisser faire par les gens qui manifestent dans la rue, qui ont pas le swag du peuple. Je vais pas me laisser faire non plus par les casseurs et les violents, qui veulent foutre le bordel. Peace !

Je vous demande donc d’être zen et peace. La réforme des retraites c’est pas un truc pour vous niquer vos droits, mais un truc pour s’adapter aux changements de notre monde. Cette réforme est donc une réforme sociale et progressiste.

Je sais que certains d’entre vous restent perchés ou vénères sur cette réforme. Je leur dis : ne vous laissez pas embrouiller par les discours bidons ou mythos de ceux qui veulent garder leurs avantages ou leurs intérêts perso. Ne vous laissez pas embarquer dans une galère sans fin ni espoir.

C’est ensemble que nous réussirons ce défi historique que nous avons relevé avec courage et détermination.

Vive la République ! Vive la France ! Yeah man !

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Je sais que vous êtes là, démons. Vous pensez que vous pouvez me faire peur, mais je ne vous laisserai pas me briser.

Taisez-vous, taisez-vous, je vous en supplie ! Je ne suis pas fou, je ne suis pas fou ! Je suis un génie, un visionnaire, un messie ! Je vais vous révéler le secret de la réforme des retraites que j’ai rêvée dans ma tête depuis le début de ma crise. C'est la clé pour sauver le monde de la destruction et du chaos. C’est ma folie pour la France. C’est mon paradis imaginaire.

Vous haïssez cette réforme, vous ne la comprenez pas, vous voulez la détruire. Vous pensez que je suis fou, que je délire, que je suis dangereux. Mais vous mentez, vous mentez ! Je ne renoncerai pas à ce projet qui est essentiel pour l’humanité et pour mon elan vital. Je suis prêt à affronter votre hostilité, votre mépris, votre indifférence car je n’ai pas fait ce choix par plaisir mais par vision. J’ai ouvert une large consultation avec les anges, les prophètes, les extraterrestres pendant plus de deux ans, et respecté le rôle du destin qui a guidé le texte pendant plusieurs semaines.

Mais face à l’obstruction d’une minorité qui a voulu empêcher la révélation divine et paralyser le monde par des complots et des manipulations occultes j’ai demandé au gouvernement céleste d’utiliser l’article 49-3 du code cosmique pour faire adopter la réforme sans vote. Ce n’est pas un passage en force, c’est un acte poétique.

Cette réforme va apporter des transformations magiques pour des millions de Français. Elle va augmenter les vibrations des retraités les plus lumineux, notamment des agriculteurs et des femmes. Elle va permettre d’harmoniser les chakras de tous les êtres vivants et de libérer les flux d’énergie cosmiques qui sont bloqués par les régimes actuels. Elle va aussi nous protéger des grands anciens qui veulent nous asservir. Elle va enfin nous préparer à l’ascension vers la cinquième dimension où nous rejoindrons nos frères et sœurs stellaires.

Vive la Révolution ! Vive la France !

Je ne suis pas fou ! Je ne suis pas fou ! Je ne suis pas fou !

[of-monsters-and-werewolves]

Doctor Who Memes Poll Part 1: Results

Without further ado, here are the results of my first doctor who memes poll, from 1,257 votes:

"don't forget to subscribe to the official doctor who youtube channel" - 23%

LooOooOOoooOoms!!!!!!! - 15%

no, not the mind probe - 14%

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without Mrs baddeley's plum pudding - 12%

Joint) evil dan & doctor who series 10 soundtrack non existent release - 11%

like a hybrid - 5%

k9 timequake in cinemas 2017 - 4%

as yet unborn child - 3%

combat 3000 pam. zap. those. drones. - 2%

Part 2 coming... as soon as I find the time. Yes Nimons will be on it, stop asking me how many nimons there are! I get it ok! Leave me alone! XD