#dead to me gay parallels

[mikereads]

“You’re my fucking heart”

[reanimatedgh0ul]

in my mind they'd be besties specifically little brother older sister coded and their team name would be ghost petals

[theinfinitedivides]

having Billu (2009) thoughts... while also having Jodhaa Akbar (2008) thoughts... i need to go lie down

[dear-someone-letterstomyself]

Ji Hyun is completely fine.

Ji Hyun is just recovering in the hospital.

Ji Hyun was just so traumatized he doesn’t surf any more.

Ji Hyun is just out of frame.

Ji Hyun is still surfing, Jae Won is just waiting for him.

YES IM BARGAINING. I NEEDED TO FIND A WAY TO STOP THE TEARS!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

spinning off of "winston being fantastically (literally fantastical (literally related to fantasy)) clairvoyant (he is also figuratively clear-sighted / figuratively preternaturally perceptive just like, in the show. which is where this all comes from. plus him calling himself cassandra, always seeing the future. he really has always / continued to be thusly) and taylor literally has a broadsword" type fun and games that are very loosey goosey b/c billions aus go spinning off into their own separate dimensions super easily when billions canon is so rooted in its specific Stage Settings of modern day US law n finance battles in the office, sidewalks, and eateries:

the thought of winston & tuk and winston gets to be a fairy. jokes, please. changelings are right there with the common theory of "was this to explain disabilities & go 'something could go Wrong and the baby's not a Person and get rid of that,' unlike nowadays where people do that but go 'b/c that baby's disabled'" and also one goes Thinking Emoji about how apparently New Mothers and New Brides were susceptible along with New Borns to become swapped out with a fairy and now something's wrong with them and get rid of that. had to be about Something given that people apparently did act on changeling lore and martin luther is taking a stance like yeah another thesis, it's important to kill them And okay to kill them b/c they don't even have a soul anyways. okay thanks martin luther....meanwhile also witchcraft and getting after anybody for that too. and fairies generally as Problems, the etymology going back to [fate], the range like "ooh hehe causing funny little inconveniences just because" to more so "yeah they could cause life-threatening illness for that" and "yeah they'll just kill you"....and i think fairy/fey as respective noun/adj re: being gay is of Unknown Origin, like "gay" also is. and you never know, if being fey is like, well something's not right and it's dangerous, whether this is the inspiration....though by the time this slang starts turning up, and even in the time of prior possible origins / the roots in other usages / potential inspirations, theoretical actual fairies are surely becoming more Fanciful, this being around like, the 18th century, rather than "here's martin luther telling you to immolate! that! baby!"

but that like, you can have it all ways out here. the Always Small fairies i think being a later kind of victorian deal, rather than "fairies are shapeshifters & can become animals e.g. & May have a 'tiny little inches or millimeters high mode' but that's just a mode & the fact that generally though they just look like people, maybe with some stylistic variations and tells, means watch out" and i think wings came up ever, across yknow the various centuries and regions of folklore out here lmao and possible origins / influences yet further across time & regions & cultures, but again "always small and always winged" being a very relatively modern victorian deal. but we can draw on that to be sure when, additionally, a Potential mutual [would prefer to avoid] between fairies and humans (as opposed to "if your house or some shit is on a fairy path bestie just build them another door to walk straight through cuz they're Gonna") becomes "no, fairies mostly avoid humans more than the other way around" type of imbalance of any threat means like, well hey sure, the Real Self could then become a tiny little magical guy having fun with wing designs who is shy and elusive but maybe another fun little guy can accidentally become aware but then have a secret little hidden friendship hmm....

but then also just thinking of the version where you just look exactly like everyone else and live amongst them, changeling style. and potentially don't Know you're different, or at least not Why, b/c this is a "from birth" thing like hmmm ya don't say. and the whole thread where in some folklore fairies Aren't nonhuman, the difference is only about the separate fairy Realm you live in, which is different, with like "yeah sometimes fairies come from people who died." and alongside / overlapping with everything like "yeah you could disappear for a few days to that realm and then be like 'don't wanna / can't talk about it'" and whatever all various like "watch out for the liminal and unknowingly wandering or being taken into the fairy world and Then watch out for communing with them b/c then you could be Permanently affected, or permanently continually affected or vulnerable, or just stuck there. and we wouldn't want that" like well don't let them know your name but maybe try to find out their names b/c you can get at them in turn that way, don't get in on any food, don't get in on any parties. though variations, sometimes people getting whisked away for particular tasks that apparently Only humans can do. or forever potential for helpful / sympathetic fairy interventions in life. like fairies raising humans b/c their human parents were awful

also, that some classic Tests for "is your baby a changeling?" were very like, "well i guess if we drowned or burned that person and they just died about it....our bad," in the way that like apparently the way to go could be "put them in the fire. where they'll either burn or fly out the chimney." or "start going tf beating them with objects. so that they go away" like and they never stop beating winston with hammers out here!! or the classic "idk abandon them in the forest so fairies can take them back" like well they do also like [i prefer to pretend winston doesn't exist / forget that he does] lmao. this isn't really related. just the ol "ballpeen hammers kind of goated when it comes to putting someone in a sack and beating them to death" factor out here for your local changelings

also sure thinking of like ohh watch out for winston and his gayass Realm he exists in which is wrong and not of our own and potentially will forever change you with its gayass ways. uh oh don't get corrupted into a whole other powerful magical mode of existence if you commune with him in some deep fundamental nourishing ways. oh nooo watch ouuuut....one of the "you might be a changeling if" moments being "when they think they're alone do they act up?? dance??" like yeah i'm stimming and bursting into motion and making noises and existing wrong when i think i'm alone. Old Souls (theory as well that newborn changelings were secretly elderly fairies)....existence in the Fey Realm just making you different and out of place huh. and it would just be a guy though like either [undetectable except by already trying to kill them] and/or [actually just a human, fairies are just humans, fairies b/c they're in/from the fairy realm] but uh oh don't let him corrupt you. don't go hanging out with him and talking with him and partaking in his activities and embracing his ways. you'll be changed. you'll never fit in around here and be able to do things right ever again. we'll have to start beating you with hammers. and all for what. your weird gayass little guy and a whole possible other dimension of existence? vs all This? smh

[lesbiten]

"wheres the doctor?....MY doctor." oh yaz i love you. yaz i love you so much

[comicaurora]

Have you read/watched Nimona? If so, thoughts?

The kind of emotional gutpunch I can't bear to watch without ample preparation. The first ten minutes are the hard part for me - it's always a wrench for me to get through a "good-hearted character is cruelly framed" plotline, so I really appreciate how quickly they get that out of the way and how Nimona immediately brightens the mood when she shows up.

Overall, truly one of the best examples of how a creator can use their personal grief and rage at injustice as a medium to sculpt a story. The narrative manages to feel deeply authentic to a real emotional journey while still feeling completely contained within the story. I'm not entirely sure how to put this, but sometimes when a writer gets allegorical with their experiences, it can feel like the story gets put on pause so the characters can turn out to the audience and speak in the author's voice about their thoughts on the subject - a pretty clumsy way to communicate a message. Nimona does not do that. Instead, the many real-world parallels to bigotry, propaganda, queerphobia, church corruption, xenophobia, and regressive policies driven by terror of change feel like they arise naturally from the setting within the story rather than being imposed on it from the outside, which is extremely quality writing and characterization. Nimona's story is so clearly informed by ND Stevenson's life and gender journey, but Nimona herself feels like her own person who is messy and grieving and putting up walls and self-destructing and still - still - a fundamentally joyful, gleeful person who absolutely loves being alive when she isn't being brutally beaten down for the crime of existing inconveniently.

Also, it's a comparatively minor thing, but I really like how, like with She-Ra, Nimona creates a world that is passively non-homophobic, with gay relationships front and center and evidently regarded as completely fine and not worth commenting on - which, to me at least, made both stories remarkably relaxing and comfortable to immerse myself in, because I wasn't being randomly jumpscared by reminders of real-world hate - but it still uses allegory to address the real-world roots of homophobia in the form of xenophobia, correlated injustices like classism, and the monster-ification of The Other. So it can clearly state "hating people for how they exist is Always Fucked And Wrong" without having to dunk the queer audience in the icebath of "hey remember how people in the real world think you personally should be dead?" Again, not sure I'm phrasing this super clearly, but it's a balance ND Stevenson consistently strikes with his work, and I really love how he does it.

Animation's gorgeous, voicework is consistently top-shelf, love the aesthetic of Cyberpunk Arthuriana. Wins across the board.

[j4gm]

SPOILERS!!! REFERENCES AND EASTER EGGS IN F&C ep. 10: CHEERS

The finale!

Pawn Swan! This was another character who first appeared in Steve Wolfhard's post-finale loredump about the 1000+ world. I never expected to actually see him in the show.

Nuts how this is like the third time we've seen Simon's ass. I love how Shermy is just chilling and playing video games while GOLB lets this random old man take a turn at the wheel.

This establishing shot of Fionnaworld shows that it's very small. By the time it is restored at the end of the episode, this ominous white border is gone and there are more buildings, implying that it became a complete world.

I can't believe Gary was thirsting after Scarab in this situation.

There is a shop called Evergree Flowers; likely a reference to the episode Evergreen.

This shop window advertises that you can learn to kick bugs. Appropriately enough, Cake kicks Scarab through this shop window while in her Godzilla form.

The Betty statue has become GOLBetty.

It should be clear by this point that Casper and Nova are a parallel to Simon and Betty, with all of their decisions being made by Casper with little consideration for Nova due to their unbalanced power dynamic. This is why Simon realises that he should have been more considerate of Betty's dreams, rather than single-mindedly chasing the Enchiridion and the crown.

The credits confirm that genderswapped Ash is named Ashley. I wonder what happened to her after she fell into the void. Probably nothing good.

Poor Marshall never gets to finish his songs. Truly he is the genderswapped Marceline.

The name "GOLBetty" is now canon; Simon uses it in this scene.

I'm not sure what's happening to GOLBetty here. A loose thread to pick up if this story ever gets a continuation, perhaps.

Simon steps through several different universes, including all the ones we saw during this miniseries. I'm not sure what this world full of tiny bears is meant to be.

Some kind of industrial capitalist hell universe.

This is the Water Park Prank artstyle, implying that Water Park Prank takes place in a separate but canon universe. So Water Park Prank is now canonically canonical! (what a ridiculous phrase)

Some kind of Jake universe.

A universe featuring Magwood and his volcano lair, from the episode Evergreen.

The snail! It's not dead after all. And it's a great way of symbolising a return to regular Ooo, as is the reappearance of the smiley butterfly.

This was a strange selection of characters. I hope Jay hasn't left his younger siblings on their own if their dad is dead. At least baby Finn won't have to grow up in Vampworld, though part of me liked imagining what that would have been like.

Fionna mentions that his is her top fantasy. The other two of her top three fantasies were Cake being able to talk and a kingdom made of candy.

She gets a hammer, like she had in the dream sequence at the very beginning of the miniseries.

Kheirosiphon goes back to working in a teashop, just like he did on The Drift before he was imprisoned by Scarab. Also Marshall's outfit here is incredibly gay, it's great.

There is an ad here for a daddy issues themed comedy night. Sounds like Marceline's kind of place.

Prismo's face glitches for a second. Ominous.

Simon definitely needs to move out. This is probably an even more important realisation than coming to understand his influence over Betty.

In the credits of this episode, Simon is finally at peace.

And with that, the miniseries is over! Back to the long wait. Will this be it for Adventure Time? Or is there yet more to come...

[insanesonofabitch]

Liking destiel is basically having to go through feeling overjoyed by how much incredibly gay shit they managed to retain into the show and put on air but also mourn how much incredibly gay shit they deleted and/or cut off along the way.

- parallels Dean and Cas with Romeo and Juliet

- deletes the part where Dean holds Cas’s face

- whatever the hell Endverse destiel had going on

- not include the part where Endverse!Cas says the only thing they have left is each other

- had Dean break Cas away from a brainwashing spell by having him kneel and beg and say “I need you”

- but also replace the original script where he says he loves Cas, and that he forgives him for what he’s about to do (kill him)

- make Dean keep Cas’s dirty, moldy, bloody overcoat because he just missed him that much

- but cut off the part where Dean says “part of me always believed you’d come back”

- paralleled Dean and Cas to Cain and his wife Colette

- then deleted the scene where Dean dreams about how guilty he feels for beating up Cas, while in a bar with bi lighting and Cas gets referred to as his “admirer”

- and also the part where Cas and Crowley has a banter about which one of them is Dean’s boyfriend (yes this is real)

- had Dean go through a widower arc where he becomes hopeless and suicidal because Cas is dead back in s13

- made it seem like it didn’t affect him much when it happens in s15

[devils-little-sista]

Honestly I think Nico should have died at the end of BoO—hear me out ok just hear me out—and been a martyr figure for a while about a year and then somehow come back just before Tower of Nero and he’s there with Apollo the whole book hanging out with the trogs and kicking Nero’s ass.

It’s just that literally everything in BoO is foreshadowing Nico’s death. Hades’s whole speech about how “some deaths can not / should not be prevented”.

Nico having that dream about Ella reciting that line from the sybline books “the fall of the sun / the final verse”. Because that’s the next prophecy Nico will be apart of and also when Nico makes the big announcement that’s he’s alive again / came back from the dead / is immortal now.

It’s just that there is so much more foreshadowing into Nicos death and martyrdom beyond these points it’s insane. If BoO was fresher in my mind I would be going on about it for eternity.

I mean I kinda understand why Rick wanted to keep him alive because he didn’t want to buy into the whole “bury your gays” trope. But he could have done something like he did with Leo’s last chapter to show that even tho he’s dead Nicos not gone and that he’s still going to be part of the series whilst being a martyr and he may be back in the future.

Maybe Hades makes him immortal. I think that would fit best because of the parallels between Apollo just loosing his immortality and going through hell trying to get it back and then here’s Nico flaunting his fresh shiny new immortality with no idea what he’s doing with it.

Or Maybe Nico come back earlier than ToN because Jason did the Orpheus/Eurydice deal. And maybe when Jason dies Nico does the Orpheus/Eurydice deal so they’re both back from the dead there kicking Neros ass. That would be fun to see.

Side notes: it would be heart breaking if Nico gave Hazel the skull ring right before he leaves with the statue. And she doesn’t want to take it but she does.

And double heart breaking if she refuses to take the ring because she believes Nico will survive this and the ring is going to stay with him.

Triple heart breaking if Hazel doesn’t take the ring or if he can’t get to her in time he asks Reyna or Percy or Jason or Frank to give her the ring for him right before he dies.

I think Percy would be the most heart breaking and the most fitting for this because of Bianca trying to give Nico the Hades figurine. Nico trying to give Hazel the ring that was a gift from their father. History repeating itself. Percy is shattered once again.

[mikereads]

[will80sbyers]

I dislike people hating on Jonathan because he's a stoner and useless (according to them). Like, we all go through hard times when we're just existing and losing motivation. I can't stand the Jonathan slandering.

abusive father

grew up poor

his peers made fun of him because he was poor and an introvert

felt forced to become the parental figure since childhood

thought him coming home late caused the disappearance of his little brother, his responsibility

thought his little brother was dead and his mother was losing her mind and didn't want to accept that

had to organise the funeral for his brother alone

found out that there are monsters out there and a parallel dimension, had to fight a literal monster at 16yo

had his brother back alive but he has to live with the fact that Will almost died because of his mistake, because wasn't there for him

the next year he finds out that Will is not okay, he is not himself anymore and has a monster inside, Will is not safe and he thinks it's his fault

has to watch his little brother be tied up in a shed and knows that if they don't get that thing out of him he will die

has to watch his mother hurt his little brother and his little brother hurt his mother and can't do anything about it

Will is safe in the end... but then the next year Jonathan finds out that actually no he is not, Nancy calls him and asks him where Will is... because he could be in danger... there is a big monster in Hawkins that is killing people now!

through all of this Jonathan knows that Will is gay and in love with Mike and is suffering for that too but he can't do anything to help him

they defeat the monster... it's over... but he finds out that his mother wants to go away from Hawkins and he has to leave his home and his girlfriend to go to California where he doesn't know anyone, he doesn't have anyone again.. but he knows his mother needs to leave Hawkins so he doesn't even complain to her about this choice

in Lenora he makes a friend but he is still afraid of leaving his family and not being there for them... he wants to be close to them in case they need his protection... he understands that he can't go to the same college as Nancy

Nancy was his only light in the dark in season 1 and he is in love with her so he doesn't want to influence her to follow him there somehow... he is also scared of becoming like his own father in the future... his stress reaches a new point and he needs to do something to stop thinking about it

people that blame Jonathan for dealing with his trauma by smoking weed and spending time with his first best friend in 17 years are saying that this kid doesn't deserve to finally BE A KID because he lost years of his life being a father when he doesn't have kids!!!!!!

HE IS STILL KIND AFTER ALL OF THAT. HE IS STILL SUPPORTING HIS LITTLE BROTHER FIRST UNTIL THE VERY END. HE IS STILL PUTTING HIS FAMILY FIRST.

talking bad about Jonathan... to me it's insane.

[marnz]

I’m like 70% into my harrow reread and having a blast, I love harrow, I love how hard she tries and fights, how she’s awful but also doing her best. I love the canaan house redux and as always Augustine & Mercymorn kill me dead forever and always.

Something I love is the parallels of relationships in this series and ESPECIALLY in harrow…Augustine & Mercymorn are a model for Harrow & Ianthe, just as Abigail & Magnus are a model for Gideon & Harrow. This is hinted at in GtN when Gideon mentally steals Magnus’s “pri-married” joke for herself but you really see it in Harrow as Harrow admires and takes interest in Abigail & Magnus’ marriage despite the transgression of it? Which is big “baby gay seeing a gay married couple happy and thriving” energy. I love that Tamsyn still invents a kind of transgressive desire and a type of important relationship to “queer” in this new society where being gay is totally normal. which also makes sense! most necromancers are not going to be squeamish about the body and sex of any kind, but harrow IS, and this is why her distaste for flesh magic is such a lovely layer! God I love these books

[ghostlycheuwing]

The empty frame (which also became an incidental meta about portraits in Ghosts)

I find the establishing shot of the Captain reminiscing privately in Carpe Diem very meaningful.

We get this image with the music they used in Redding Weddy to introduce the flashbacks between the Captain and Havers. Interestingly, in that episode, we hear the violins twice and it's always in association with the letter addressed to William – the first time, the Captain is looking at the envelope in deep thoughts and hurriedly hides it as he bids Havers to come; the second, he looks at the envelope in deep thoughts and eventually throws it on top of the bomb (his metaphorical heart), intending to bury them forever (... or until it explodes, as it were. Of course, if you repress your feelings for too long, they tend to explode in your face).

When you hear the music, you immediately understand the Captain is thinking about Havers.

The framing (pun intended) is really interesting to me. The Captain has an expression of intense longing on his face. He seems to be in the same position as he was at the end of Redding Weddy, when he sees/remembers Havers' private goodbye from afar as he left for the front; sitting at the same window; turned the same way; a similar expression on his face; both hands on the stick again. Indeed, just after, we are shown the same view of the front gate, sans Havers. If you allow me another nod: the frame is empty.

I keep talking about frames, because I find the empty frame on the Captain's right very symbolic. The association with the next shot (the image of the front gate without Havers = an empty frame) makes it all the more poignant to me. Why is the Captain's frame empty?

Frames are shown to ornate several kinds of objects in the show:

Portraits of loved ones. Fanny's husband comes to mind. Interestingly, it is the portrait of a closeted homosexual man, whom Fanny eventually learns to accept for who he was and what society was through his portrait (while a gay wedding is about to take place).

Portraits of oneself. Humphrey and Fanny are prominent ones. I just realised that both portraits get torn during the show, which reflects their fragmented identities/sense of self. I love that Fanny's portrait gets repaired, albeit not perfectly, by Alison. I love that Fanny recognises that she is still the same girl underneath. (I love that Humphrey seems mildly disgruntled and resigned at the damage on his one? It's exactly his reactions towards his recalcitrant body, and it feels very much like his whole vibe; I adore him). Also, we shouldn't forget Thomas' portrait: slowly built until he overthinks it all, gets ahead of himself and rejects the piece before it is ready... a portrait which ends up being put aside by the woman he loves (a woman who feels slighted by his hasty words even if he only wanted to be honourable). If it doesn't parallel his relationship with Isabelle and his death, I don't know what does!

Mirrors. It is a recurring theme around the Captain of course: we see his reflection in the mirror in the intro; the picture on Alison's mirror has him reminiscing about dead seagulls and start the process of resolution which saves the day.

With that in mind, I find the symbol of the empty frame can work on several layers here:

Portrait of a loved one: the frame is empty, but not because there is no one (there is still a frame). It could symbolise an absent lover (Havers left the picture through that front gate)... or a love that never became official. No one could have taken Havers' portrait for the Captain. And Havers wouldn't have given him his picture, because everything was left unsaid. Not to mention the fact that it would have been incredibly damning and dangerous for the Captain to keep the image of the man he loved around him. It had to stay hidden, invisible. So no picture, and Havers is far away and out of reach, but he is still very much present in the Captain's mind and heart. He is able access the memory of Havers not through his portrait but through his secret memories.

Portrait of oneself: a portrait (one like Fanny's, Humphrey's and Thomas') is made with care. It takes a long time to complete and it cements the way you want to (or people want you to) be remembered through time. It is a reflection of who you are, but also the way others perceive you. Humphrey and Fanny had their portraits done because they were socially important and rich people; these are very official portraits. As I touched before, they are also a sign of their fragmented selves. Both characters want to be and get to be more than this unmoving piece of history. They both lost themselves in who they were supposed to be. Through death, they are allowed to show their own individuality. For his part, Thomas gets to pose like a romantic intellectual (or an intellectual romantic?), very much the way he wants to be seen and remembered. He has someone close to him who is willing to paint him.

Now, the empty frame could be a sign that the Captain was not considered important enough in his life or was not remembered fondly enough (by the troops, for example) to capture his image. We understand that he has never been on the front, and men like Cartwright sneer at him for that reason. In a room full of officers, the heroes whose memory the Captain never fails to honour, he is readily rejected. At that point in time, there is no place in history for the Captain to be remembered (and he believes it too: "I am no hero"). The empty frame could be a symbol of his lack of active role during the war (something that is obviously important in his own identity and the way he is perceived by people who "made history"). The absence of a portrait could also reflect the fact that no close one was there to take his picture. He was not fully seen by Havers, or, once again, it was not possible for them to carry a portrait of their loved one. It was even less possible for Havers to take the time to paint the Captain or be asked to take his picture (… although... one could dream. I mean, can you imagine Havers secretly, or not-so-secretly-but-the-Captain-is-oblivious, taking a picture of him, developing it on his own and frequently gazing at the portrait of the Captain, so focused on his image that he fails to see the seemingly judgemental old lady looking over the Cap's shoulder in the background. I love the idea of Fanny & James, the repressed siblings, having a photo taken of them together before they even got to know each other). To sum up: no official loved one to preserve the Captain's image, no place in history according to his society.

Mirrors: well, it's all about the reflection of the self, isn't it? We know the Captain has difficulties with his identity. He has carefully crafted his military persona and has played the role of the strict and efficient commanding officer for decades, repressing his more sentimental and less conventional side as much as he could. A crucial part of his arc is that he buried his heart and he has to learn to accept himself and express who he is without fear. I also love the idea of inversion in relation to the Captain: in a mirror, you're looking at the inverted image of yourself. "Inversion" was a synonym for homosexuality in the Victorian era (and was still in use in the 40s). Therefore, the recurring theme of mirrors makes a lot of sense around this character. Even his decorations (over his heart) are placed in an inverted way. The empty frame could represent the lingering issue around his identity. After this moment of introspection, and faced with his potentially impeding passing, he will finally tell the truth about who he is. The frame is empty right now, but he is about to leave that behind: he gets to accept who he is. He gets to share the truth about his past and his heart. He gets to be seen (and cherished) for who he is.

The Captain is gazing out of the window, but visually the empty frame is very much part of that window. Hence the Captain is metaphorically reflecting on this empty frame. A symbol for the absence of his loved one, the lack of place in history or remembrance for him, the lack of place in history and memories for his relationship with Havers, the sense of intense self-repression. (on that note, bear in mind that up until his confession, no one knew the Captain's name. It is after this deep introspection that James is able to be open about it all)

When he comes out of his reflection (... pun intended?), we can see how intense the process is for him. It is overwhelming and painful. But when he looks away from the window/empty frame, he faces forward. He turns his eyes to the room next to him - I believe it is the room where he's about to meet the ghosts, so the room where he's about to come out. This shift means that in the Captain's mind, it is not about then anymore: it is about now. Back then he couldn't be himself; he couldn't show his heart. Now, if he's brave enough, maybe he can exist as his true self.

[temptingfatetakingnames]

The Last Steve Harrington Part 2

AO3 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Steve came back to consciousness slowly, everything felt fuzzy and dreamlike. The sun was shining in the window and he was lying in a comfortable bed. Caution was ringing in the back of his head but he couldn’t remember why. He hadn’t dreamed. No nightmares. That was wrong, wasn’t it?

“Why am I here?” a familiar voice asked from the hall.

“He kept asking about you,” someone else whispered.

He looked down at his hands, flexed them. An I.V. was stuck in the back of his left hand and he brought it up to his face. His hands were clean. Even the dirt under his fingernails was gone. He took a deep breath and licked his lips. God, he was thirsty. What the fuck happened? Didn’t he die? This didn’t feel like death. He liked the other one better – the one where the kids –

The kids!

He sat up quickly and someone rushed to his side.

Joyce.

A gentle hand pushed his chest into the bed.

“Lay down, Steve,” she said quietly.

“Thirsty,” he said.

Joyce smiled and brought a cup of water with a straw up to his lips. He sipped and swallowed slowly.

“What do you remember?” she asked.

“I died,” he said it like a question. It didn’t seem right but it was the only thing that made sense.

“No, sweetie. You didn’t.”

Steve closed his eyes and drifted for a moment. The window was open and a breeze fluttered the curtains. He had left Hawkins but found a portal. The kids were on the other side. What had Dustin called it?

“Parallel universes,” he whispered to himself and Joyce hummed affirmatively.

“I’m glad El found you, Steve.”

Just then Dustin and Eddie walked into the room. Steve couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t dead which meant that Eddie wasn’t dead either. Fuck. He felt his eyes well up with tears. He looked good. Healthy, if a little confused.

“Eds,” he gasped out.

“Eds?”

“Is that not what I call you here?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“Uh no, strictly last name basis since the whole Vecna thing made us sorta friends?” Eddie replied and Steve’s heart sank.

No. That was wrong. He and Eddie had been inseparable since they were forced to work together at Scoops Ahoy. They had cracked the Russian code and infiltrated the base with Dustin and Erica. When they had been on truth serum, they had come out to each other. Eddie had been so afraid of what Steve’s reaction would be when he told him he was gay. The look on his face when Steve told him he was bisexual was priceless. They had danced around each other for months after that, trauma bonded best friends afraid to ruin what they had by trying for something more. At least on Steve’s end. But Eddie had been braver. Had blurted out his feelings one night after they had finished watching a movie.

Steve fiddled with the guitar pick necklace tucked under his shirt. Eddie noticed where his fingers had gone and stilled at the sight. He pulled his own necklace out of his shirt and stared at it before looking back at Steve with a question in his eyes. Steve didn’t know what to say, how to navigate a parallel universe where the man he loved had just met him before he died.

Steve had begged Vecna to kill him. At the end. With his friends lying dead around him. The last thing Vecna said to him before he took his army and left would haunt Steve forever.

“Your living suffering is sweeter to me than any death I could grant you.”

Even in this new universe, Vecna’s words rang true.

---

Other Steve Harrington was listed as a missing person and had been since the final battle with Vecna. His parents told the police that he had probably skipped town and they weren’t interested in trying to find him. That tracked with something his own parents would have done. With no body or crime scene there was no reason to suspect foul play and a missing person he had remained. Lucky for him, Steve supposed. It would be a lot easier to come back from being missing than being dead. Still, too much to ask for that in this universe he would have loving parents who gave a shit about him. Though… easier, too. He wouldn’t be able to fool loving parents into believing he was their son.

Hopper had given him Other Steve’s wallet and he went through it hoping to find some answers into his life here. Looking at his driver’s license was… strange. The card itself was the same; same address, same license number even… but the picture struck Steve with its otherness. Their faces were the same at first glance, but the smile and eyes – they weren’t his – and it sent shivers down his spine.

Here was a person who had lived a parallel life to his own. But Steve didn’t know how parallel. Did they have the same best friend growing up? Who was his first girlfriend? Boyfriend? Who was he? Steve didn’t know… and he was somehow supposed to just slot himself into his life? Take it over? He knew one fundamental difference between them so far – he was a coward and Other Steve wasn’t. How much that would change everything else, Steve didn’t know.

He kept going through the wallet. There were credit cards and bank cards that were probably useless, a membership card to Family Video, and some cash. Nothing to really go off. As Steve fiddled with the wallet, he found a pocket that held a strip of photos from a photobooth. It started with him and Robin smiling at the camera. The second picture had Dustin crashing into the booth and the third picture had all the kids struggling to get their faces into the frame. They were laughing and smiling chaotically. The back of his throat tightened and he shoved the photo back into the wallet before tossing it onto the table beside him.

He had been in the hospital for a few days, resting and regaining his strength. He had collapsed due to severe exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition. Joyce and Hopper had managed to keep the kids away but it was only a matter of time before he would have to face them again. He was surprised they hadn’t managed to sneak in already. Joyce kept trying to talk to him, asking questions about himself and his universe but Steve had been silent. He wasn’t used to talking to people and didn’t feel like answering her questions. He knew she meant well but most of the answers weren’t something she would want to hear. They died. We lost. I’ve been alone. He also wasn’t used to her treating him so gently. He hadn’t interacted with his Joyce much and then her and Hopper had died somewhere in Russia.

Loud footsteps echoed in the hall.

“We want to see him, it’s been days!” He heard Dustin yell through the closed door.

“He’s been resting, Dustin. You have no idea what he’s been through,” Joyce replied.

Neither do you, Steve thought.

“Will you ask him if we can visit? Please?” Will asked, always the voice of reason.

The door cracked open and Joyce slid in. She saw that he was awake and had heard what Will wanted. “They’re worried and would like to see you,” she said quietly so they wouldn’t hear.

Steve fiddled with his I.V., unsure.

“You don’t have to, Steve,” she said, sensing his hesitation. She walked over and tried to take his hand but he flinched away.

He swallowed and rasped, “let them in.” He needed to talk to them, but they weren’t going to like what he had to say.

They entered more quietly and respectfully than Steve was expecting. There weren’t enough chairs for them all. Dustin claimed the one right next to his bed and Mike pulled the other one from across the room. El and Max climbed onto the end of his bed, careful not to sit on his legs. Will and Lucas stood behind Dustin and Mike’s chairs.

They all looked at him expectantly. He held his hands together in his lap to keep them from shaking. Looking into their familiar faces was heartbreaking. They weren’t his kids; they weren’t the ones he had failed to protect but he still felt like he owed them an apology anyway.

“We are sorry,” Eleven said, surprising him.

“We shouldn’t have sprung everything on you like that,” Dustin continued. “We were just so excited to see you.”

Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I want you to send me back,” he said.

They were silent for a moment before they started shouting at him.

“Why should you get me?” he asked loudly over them.

They stopped yelling and stared at him.

“What do you mean?” Will questioned; his brow furrowed.

“If I’m really the only Steve left, why should your universe get to keep me? What about all the others who lost their Steve? They just have to live without him? Seems like fate or destiny or whatever is saying that no one should have me.”

“Their Elevens are probably looking, but we found you first,” Dustin said with finality. As if that would be the end of the conversation.

“What about your Steve? I’m supposed to replace him? Take his life like he never existed?”

“We’ll never forget our Steve. We’d like to tell you about him when you’re ready. We don’t want you to replace him, we know that you’re different people. But you’re still Steve in every way that matters. And we still need you,” Max answered looking him square in the eye, daring him to contradict her.

“How do you know?” Steve asked.

“Know what? That we need you?” Dustin looked at him like that was the stupidest question he could have asked.

Steve shook his head. “How do you know I’m ‘Steve’in the ways that matter? You don’t know me. I could be a bad person. I could have been working with Vecna for all you know. Clearly, I’m not like literally all the other Steve’s in existence. Maybe the whole point is that no Steve should have survived and I’m just an anomaly that needs to be put out of his fucking misery. Preferably in his own universe so he can go to whatever afterlife with his fucking family.”

They were quiet after that. He heard Will sniff back tears and his heart clenched tightly in his chest.

“When we finally found you of course we questioned whether or not it was right to bring you here. Our Steve died. We loved him. He was our friend – our family. We owe him everything! So, if you think for one second we were going to leave you there when we found out you were alone then you’re an idiot!” Dustin stood up and yelled.

“Bringing you here. Saving you. It feels like saving a piece of him, too. We are not letting you go. You are Steve Harrington…which means you belong with us,” Eleven said softly.

Dustin sat back down and reached out to place his hand gently on top of Steve’s. He looked down at their hands and then up at Dustin, who smiled hesitantly at him. He couldn’t smile back or take his hand, but he didn’t pull away either. That was all he had to give right now.  

He looked away again, jaw tense and eyes tight. The kids stayed and he eventually drifted off, still feeling Dustin’s warm hand on his.

---

Not a single part of the plan had gone their way and Steve didn’t know what to do. Eleven was down. She had lost consciousness and blood was trickling steadily out of her nose. She had been fighting Vecna and had started thrashing before she went still. Mike was screaming and shaking her. Robin, Nancy, and Jonathon were still throwing Molotov’s at The Mind Flayer but they were quickly running out. He couldn’t see Eddie and Dustin through the swam of bats separating them. There were too many places he needed to be, too many people he needed to protect. Steve froze. He didn’t know what to do.

Steve woke with a start, heart pounding and breath ragged. It was dark in the hospital room but there was enough light from the open window to see Eddie sitting in the chair beside him. He looked as good as he had the day before. Torn black jeans, a faded Metallica shirt and his hair was a messy tangle around his face. It was beautiful and painful to see him in the light of the moon, familiar and foreign in equal measure.

Blood dribbled out of the sides of his mouth; he was trying to speak even though he could barely breathe. His brown eyes were wide with pain, and Steve held him to his chest – 

Steve blinked away the memory and shook his head to clear it.

“Why are you here?” he asked Eddie.  

Eddie didn’t answer, just fiddled with his necklace. He noticed Steve’s eyes on it.  

“It means a lot to me,” he said.

“I know,” Steve said and Eddie made a ‘go for it’ gesture. Hands open wide and eyebrow quirked.

“Wayne gave it to you.” Steve paused and cleared his throat. “Gave it to my Eddie. It was after his parents dropped him off and left. Eds wouldn’t talk to him, no matter what he tried. So, he started playing his guitar… and it drew you–” Steve stopped and growled in frustration. “Drew him out. Wayne started teaching him and when he could play all the scales, he gave him his guitar. He handed him the pick and said, ‘You’re mine now and I’m never leaving you. That’s a promise.’”

Eddie was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Well?” Steve demanded. “Is it the same?”

“No,” Eddie replied and Steve knew he wasn’t going to tell him why his necklace was important to him, because he hadn’t earned it. Steve felt another piece of his heart break. This Eddie didn’t know him. Didn’t trust him. He had no relationship with this Eddie, even though he shared a face with the person Steve had loved most in the world.

“Dustin said you want to go back.” Eddie leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

“I do.” It wasn’t a question but Steve answered anyway.

“Losing Steve really messed Dustin up, more so than the others. They all took it hard, but Dustin? He didn’t speak for weeks, barely ate. Steve was his brother and he died in his arms; did you know that?”

Steve shook his head slowly.   

“When El told him about the parallel universes she had found it was the first time Dustin acted like himself since Steve died. But she couldn’t find one of you who bastards who didn’t fucking die saving someone else. And every time, it was like Dustin lost him all over again.”

Steve felt for Dustin, he really did. But their Steve had died saving the world. His death had meaning and purpose. The kids should be proud of that and move on. Steve didn’t have anything to ease his conscious or heartache. He had lost everything, and there was no meaning to it and only Steve left alive to remember.

Eddie was talking to him like he didn’t know grief, like he didn’t know what it felt like to lose a brother, and it really pissed him off. The anger Steve felt was delicious in its righteousness. Eddie thought he knew loss? Thought Dustin knew loss? What they felt was nothing but a spring breeze compared to the tornado that was Steve’s torment. He had lost everyone.

“I don’t know you and I don’t trust you,” Eddie said, echoing Steve’s earlier thoughts, “but you better not hurt those kids any more than you already have. I can appreciate that this is hard for you, but you do not take it out on them. Understood?”

Oh, he could appreciate that this was hard for him? Steve was done. He had Eddie’s face but he wasn’t Eds.

“How about fuck you, Munson,” Steve spit out.

Eddie leaned back in his chair, shocked by the vitriol of Steve’s reply.

He recovered quickly and sneered. “Well look at King fucking Steve, back again and not caring about anyone but himself.”

“Who the fuck is King Steve?”

Eddie blinked at him, clearly at a loss. Steve glared back.

“What about Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington?” Eddie asked and Steve couldn’t help the snort that escaped his lips.

“That’s a stupid nickname.”

Eddie looked even more confused now.

“What were you like in high school?”

It was Steve’s turn to blink at Eddie, anger fizzling somewhat at the out of nowhere questions.

“Why would I answer you? Don’t let the door hit you on your way out,” he said and jerked his head towards the door.

Eddie’s eyes were deep brown pools as he looked intently at Steve, analyzing him, searching for something. Steve didn’t back down and held his gaze. He didn’t know what Eddie saw, but his eyes softened, just a little, before he turned and left the room. As soon as he was gone, the rest of Steve’s anger abandoned him and he dropped his head back against the pillows.

What the fuck was he doing?

Steve's eyes burned and he finally let out the tears that had been threatening to fall since he woke up in the hospital. He held his hands up to his mouth as his sobs broke free and brought his knees up to his chest, letting himself curl into his grief.

Part 3

[thevelaryons]

Wait, what do you mean Laenor and Addam are "possibly implied to have the same sexuality"?

So this idea is based off GRRM's tendency to repeat/recycle certain themes for characters from the same family. Seriously, just look at any Westerosi family we get extensive details about and you'll see that GRRM employs this writing method quite often.

As I was saying in this post, Corlys' children are juxtaposed against each other: Addam to Laenor and Alyn to Laena. Fire & Blood makes it evident enough that Laenor is a gay man and with how he shares other parallels with Addam, the nature of their sexuality might be something they also have in common. Now obviously take this with a grain of salt because Fire & Blood tends to be ambiguous in how it presents information. I know there are people in fandom who consider Laenor to be bisexual though I personally (as a bisexual person) don't see it. I've always interpreted him as a gay man. We're given plenty of relevant information concerning Laenor's relationships to other men to reach this conclusion (he's described as preferring the company of exclusively men over women and the overall depiction of his relationships with Joffrey & Qarl all emphasize his homosexuality).

As for Addam, the text does present his "interactions" (using that term loosely) with other male characters in a certain light that leaves room for interpretation.

This moment with Benji having Addam's body taken to Raventree Hall (instead of returning him to Driftmark 😒):

At moonrise the riverlords abandoned the field to the carrion crows, fading back into the hills. One of them, the boy Ben Blackwood, carried with him the broken body of Ser Addam Velaryon, found dead beside his dragon. His bones would rest at Raventree Hall for eight years.

mirrors a similar moment with Loras & Renly, a gay couple:

“I buried him with mine own hands, in a place he showed me once when I was a squire at Storm’s End. No one shall ever find him there to disturb his rest.”

And it's not until 8 years after Addam's death that Benji actually returns his body back to Alyn who seems to have discovered the whereabouts of his brother's body at last. Now I doubt Benji just forgot he was keeping Addam's body back home. At the end of the war, he spent some time around Corlys, years later he and Alyn were together in the Vale, and even after that, they went on their road trip to King's Landing together. But it's not until some more years have passed that Benji finally returns Addam's body to his family. I just find his behaviour suspicious tbh. How do you forget you're keeping someone's dead body at home when you're spending considerable time around that person's family members?? All those chances Benji had to mention that Addam's body is with house Blackwood and he doesn't say anything until 8 years later when Alyn seems to have found out this information and gotten his brother's bones back. Putting aside my personal fave headcanon of Addam actually surviving Tumbleton and residing at the Isle of Faces for those 8 years, Benji's behaviour presents a parallel to that of Loras who buried his lover, Renly, and refused to divulge that information to anyone.

Then there is also the "mating dance" of Addam's dragon Seasmoke with Tessarion, ridden by another male, Daeron Targaryen:

One such said afterward that the flight of Tessarion and Seasmoke seemed more mating dance than battle. Perhaps it was.

Also this passage:

Who can know the heart of a dragon? Was it simple bloodlust that drove the Blue Queen to attack? Did the she-dragon come to help one of the combatants? If so, which? Some will claim that the bond between a dragon and dragonrider runs so deep that the beast shares his master’s loves and hates. But who was the ally here, and who the enemy? Does a riderless dragon know friend from foe?

The books do emphasize the close ties dragonriders have to their dragons (eg. when a dragonrider is hurt their dragon expresses the pain). Even such things as dragons mating with other dragons is only presented in 2 other instances:

Silverwing and Vermithor oft coiled about one another in the fields south of Tumbleton.

Rhaenyra’s dragon Syrax laid several clutches of eggs, doubtless the result of matings with Caraxes.

In all of these instances, the dragons are bonded to riders who are linked together (whether platonic or romantic): Jaehaerys & Alysanne were a married couple, Hugh & Ulf are also presented as a united front every step of the way in the books, Daemon & Rhaenyra are another married couple. So going off that pattern, Addam & Daeron's dragons having a mating dance would suggest a link between them too, either as allies or lovers. Since Addam torched Daeron's entire camp, I very much doubt they were allies. Though the lovers angle doesn't really work in this scenario either. The more likelier interpretation would be that of ex-lovers who knew each other before the war, hence the quote about the dragon sharing the rider's loves and hates.

Going back to my above linked post which you were inquiring about, Addam & Laenor having the same sexuality and yet being different in how they approach their positions as Corlys' heirs does present an interesting dichotomy. Because Laenor, due to his sexuality, does not fulfill the expected duty required of someone in his position (which btw I don't hold against him; I think Laenor exerting autonomy over his own life despite the closeted society he lived in is a great character detail). Meanwhile, Addam is described as "duty bound", so in this interpretation of him being attracted to men, despite his sexuality, he would be someone who always puts family expectations over his own wishes. That would primarily be due to his background as an illegitimate child but it does serve to contrast him once again with Laenor who grew up as his father's trueborn son.