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ghoul-bonez · 10 months

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~Your Voice is Important~

(Tsireya x Fem! Deaf! Metkayina! Reader)

Summary: Ever since you were young you had been different, which made you a target for many, but your differences didn’t drive Tsireya off like it did most people, nor did it make her like you any less.

Word count: 4.1k

Author’s note: First fic back from vacation yayyy!!! I’m ngl I’m very nervous to post this for some reason? Someone I’m very close with is deaf and I got the idea for this fic from her :)… I feel like every Deaf! Reader fic has (Y/n) as completely deaf, but in reality many deaf or HOH people can hear to some amount, but not enough to understand people. Sign language is “bold and italics” and talking is just normal text.

~Masterlist~

Your Voice is Important

You loved talking, always had, and you were loud. When you were born you came into the world wailing, louder than anyone had ever heard before, then when you were old enough your parents recall you babbling all the time. You were never quiet, and never would be if you could control it.

You loved talking about anything and everything, from how your day had been, to what your favorite animal was, it was an ilu in case anyone was wondering. You loved when your friends and family would include you, or try to include you, in conversations.

The problem was nobody outside of your circle of friends and family wanted to talk with you, or more so they didn’t want to listen to you. You knew you sounded weird to others, but you sounded normal to yourself. You didn’t know any other way, having always been like this. So you stayed quiet, not talking, and instead listening, or listening as well as you could.

Even with your constant talking and sound making your parents had a gut feeling something was wrong, and it was. They thought it was odd that their soothing words and gentle songs wouldn’t lull you to sleep, but they attributed it to you being a rough child, always crying and throwing fits when you didn’t get what you wanted. However, that quickly changed as you wouldn’t respond when they called you.

When they determined something was wrong, very wrong, they took you to Ronal, the Tsahík, to make sure you were okay, and not on death’s door. Over the course of the next few weeks she kept you under her care to try different remedies to see what would help, but in the end nothing did, and she declared you deaf.

You weren’t completely deaf, but you couldn’t hear very well, or much at all. You had been able to hear more as a child, but still not enough for your parents to call you and you respond. They would have to yell at you, and make sure they had your attention before speaking. Unfortunately there was nothing you could do to stop your hearing from getting worse as you got older.

Although your hearing was nearly gone now, you could remember what it was like to talk, and although you couldn’t hear anything very well anymore, including yourself as you talked, you still held onto your voice. You would always hold onto your voice.

Even without being able to understand people you could still hear the background noise of daily life. You could hear the waves crash against the shore, and the sea birds when they called loud enough, but it was very quiet, muffled. You could hear yourself enough to talk, but because of your hearing it came out loud, but slurred, slow, and unsure.

You could even hear the sounds of people talking, but it was so quiet and muffled that you couldn’t understand them. You had gotten good at lip reading, and could fluently understand and speak sign language, as most of the Metkayina people could, so instead of speaking with your voice, you usually just used sign whenever you communicated with others, not wanting to scare them away.

You had a couple favorite sounds, an ilu’s clicks as you held it close enough to hear. They knew to be extra loud with you too, understanding your needs. You loved the patter of rain on your marui’s roof when a storm was raging outside, you couldn’t hear each individual drop, but it was a comforting background buzz. Your favorite sound, however, was your best friend’s voice.

Tsireya’s voice.

Even though you couldn’t understand what she was saying, you loved everything about it. You didn’t need to know what she was saying to hear that her voice was smooth, and calming, her tone soft and caring. It was so special.

She was so special.

You had known her since you were very young, meeting while her mother held you hostage to test you and try to cure your ailment. She had been there to help the entire way, mostly to comfort you, and it was nice to have someone your age to play with.

You conversed as well as possible, and she was always patient with you, and didn’t mind your loud outbursts. She actually quite enjoyed your company when many kids your age did not because of your tendency to not listen, although it wasn’t on purpose.

You knew as much as you thought Tsireya was special that she thought you were as well. She thought you were so special, and unique, in so many ways. She loved your voice. To some it was frustrating, not completely sure what you were saying, but she had been around you so much, listened to you so much, that she could understand you, like only a few could do.

One day as you had been sitting on the beach alone, sulking, Tsireya had approached you. She was upset that you were upset, so she took it upon herself to cheer you up. She snuck up on you and tackled you to the ground with a huff, laughing like an excited child as you struggled against her, pushing her off of you and turning to her with an angry blush on your cheeks.

You knew who it was immediately, not even having to see her to know who it was, this tackle was friendly, not meant to cause harm like others had done to you before, “Tsireya!” You shrieked, offended, mouth open and eyes wide.

“(Y/n)!” She shouted back, loud enough for you to hear, before devolving into a pile of giggles. You couldn’t hear them as well now as in the past, but the sound you remembered played through your head on loop as a wide smile was etched onto her face.

You scoffed, “What was that?” You pretended like her smile and visible joy wasn’t melting you from the inside out, like you were being held over a fire, or one had been set in your heart.

She turned serious now, “You were upset. I wanted to help you.” She frowned, you hated it, and wanted it off her face as soon as possible, but before you could say anything she asked, “Why were you upset?”

You turned away from her, you didn’t want her to see your frown, didn’t want to make her more upset, “I do not want to talk about it.”

You couldn’t look away from her for long, turning back to her and watching her sign, “You are signing, not talking. Is it about your voice?”

You sighed deeply, she knew how to read you, she could see into you, see how you were feeling at all times,“You always seem to know what’s wrong.”

She smiled, small and sad, “I know how you work.” She admitted.

You couldn’t help but to agree, “I know.” You paused for a second, taking a deep breath, “Trust me I know.”

She grabbed your hands, squeezing them tightly to reassure you, before signing again, “So tell me, what is wrong?”

You looked away again, eyes drifting to someone and her awful friends a ways away, “It is nothing, just Epxtä being a jerk.”

When you turned back to her you could see Tsireya hum, although you couldn’t hear it. She seemed to think for a second before responding, “I know how she can be. What did she say?”

Your frown deepened, thinking about what she had told you, how she had insulted you, “She told me I should just keep quiet. That nobody wants to hear my horrible voice.”

Tsireya’s frown turned into a sad smile, but was quickly overtaken by a happier one, “Well, I love your voice. I love the way you speak.”

You rolled your eyes, starting to get annoyed, you valued Tsireya’s opinion, but just one amongst the sea of many wasn’t enough, “Well I do not.”

She held your face in her hands gently, only letting go to sign, before placing them back where they were before, “Why not?”

“Nobody else likes it, why should I?” You used your voice this time, trying to prove your point by speaking.

“Oh, so I am nobody now?” She smirked, she knew she would get her point across soon enough with this argument.

You hummed, “No. Definitely not.”

She then sighed, smiling, “(Y/n), you are so special. Eywa has big plans for you. I can tell.”

You would consider Tsireya your best friend, but at the same time she was so much more. She had always meant too much to you. From the moment you had met her you had attached yourself to her, and she had clung onto you just the same.

She was your translator at times, helping you communicate smoother and more efficiently. Some of the children of the clan would come to you for sign language lessons, but because they weren't fluent without your sense of hearing you struggled to understand what they were trying to tell you, but Tsireya was always there to help.

She was your biggest supporter, cheering you on from the sidelines, even when you both knew you would fail. Even when you did fail she would always hype you up, congratulating you for even trying in the first place. She would shower you in affection whether you succeeded or not. She was proud of you whether you succeeded or not.

She was your rock, always telling you that you will get through whatever tough times you’re going through. When other kids would bully you she would stand up for you, even using her mother being the Tsahík as a threat to get the bullies to stay away from you.

She was your girlfriend, your future mate when you both passed your rites. Right now you were courting, giving small gifts, and showing affection as you pleased, but someday you will be more. Someday you will get to feel the bond between mates, to truly see into each other, to feel each other, and to be one.

She was your everything.

Tsireya wasn’t just a good girlfriend. She wouldn’t settle for good, she had to be great, and so she did her best to do so. She always made sure you had what you wanted, made sure you weren’t bothered by others, made sure you were happy. You were always happy with her.

You weren’t sure about being with her at first. You were scared that if you admitted your feelings she would hate you. Scared that she would leave you, but the opposite happened when you broke one night.

You had been sitting with Tsireya, you silently weaving and Tsireya quietly singing to create background noise for you as she weaved, and as your hands moved on their own, used to the motions of weaving, your brain was working at a million miles an hour.

Finally you spoke, quiet, almost unable to hear yourself, “I do not know what to do.”

Tsireya stopped singing, taking in what you had said, dropping the net she had been working on repairing, she moved her hands gracefully, “About?”

You sighed, choosing your words carefully as you put them together in your head before speaking them into the world, “I have these feelings that I am not sure what to do with. I like feeling them, but also they scare me.”

You saw Tsireya gasp, “You are in love, aren’t you!?” Her stomach dropped. What if it wasn't her, but she kept the mood up, smiling the whole time. Even if it wasn’t her she would be happy for you. She would make herself be happy for you.

Shock covered your face, how had she cracked your carefully coded words so easily, but you knew she always knew how you were feeling, “No! It is not that.” You tried to deny her.

“It totally is!” Tsireya’s face was still blessed with a smile before something overcame her and she paused, a frown and dramatic groan exiting her mouth, “I am going to owe Ao’nung chores now.”

You gasped playfully, “What? You betted on me?” You knew how competitive Ao’nung could be sometimes, and Tsireya was usually persuaded into joining his stupid little bets.

She groaned again, rolling her eyes, “Yeah, and he was right…” She paused again, “but you have to tell me who it is!”

You frowned, shaking your head in defiance, “No way.”

She smirked, “You have to!” She knew you couldn’t deny her, but you would do your best, just this once, to tell her no.

“I literally do not.” you rebutted, shoving at her arm as she inched closer to you.

Then she had an idea, “I will tell you my crush if you tell me yours.”

You just rolled your eyes, “Tsireya, I know you do not have a crush on anyone. You are just trying to bribe me.” What you didn’t know was that she really did, and it was imperative for you to know.

She looked away, thinking, and you could see the frustration on her face as she tried to think of something, anything, but in the end she just asked, “Well tell me anyway?”

“I…” You sighed deeply, at a loss of words, “I can not.”

“Well I will tell you mine first then.” She took a deep breath, a calming breath, “(Y/n). It is you, it has always been you. I love you. I see you. I am not sure who’s name you are about to say, but I hope it is mine. I do not know what I will do if it is not mine.”

You were taken aback completely. You had truly believed she didn’t have a crush, and never in a million years would you be able to guess that you were her crush, being convinced your crush was strictly one way. You were convinced you were doomed to live out the rest of your life watching Tsireya settle down with anyone other than you, but maybe that wasn’t the case.

You gasped and barreled into her, arms wrapping around her and holding her tightly. You spoke quietly next to her ear, trying your best to control your volume, “Tsireya, I see you. How could I not? You do not need to worry about who’s name I will say because it is yours. It will always be yours.”

She squeezed you back, nuzzling her face against yours before pulling away to sign, “(Y/n), will you be mine?”

You smiled wider than ever before, it reached your eyes as they held love and adoration for her, “Forever and always, I will be yours.”

As you thought about her you couldn’t help but smile, feeling a sense of happiness coat your soul, but soon you were back to feeling down, feeling that way all day after one of the girls your age, Epxtä, had told you to shut up because as she had said, “You sound like a freak.”

You hadn’t even been talking to her, instead trying to converse with Ao’nung who was just as patient with you as Tsireya was, understanding her love for you after many late night talks about her feelings shared between the brother sister duo.

You had stopped him in his tracks, waving at him, and beckoning him over. Once he was close enough you asked, “I need to find Tsireya, do you know where she is?”

He thought for a second, his face scrunched up in concentration, but he came up with nothing, signing, “I do not. Try our marui, or the Tsahík tent.” He had signed back.

You smiled at him, appreciating his help, “Okay. Thank-”

Before you could finish your sentence Epxtä got up from her group of friends sitting nearby, stalking over to you and signing right in front of your face, “Oh my Eywa, will you shut up. You sound like a freak. I don’t understand how anyone could stand to listen to you.”

You felt your heart speed up, feeling an embarrassed blush cover your face. You just signed, “Sorry.” before backing off.

You saw Ao’nung’s jaw dropped, fury on his face as he said something back to the girl that you couldn’t understand. You knew he would defend you, because Tsireya would, and you were grateful his negative energy was focused on other people, and not you. He was a nasty person to most, to people he didn’t understand, or people he decided he didn’t like. Thankfully he liked you, but you still didn’t want to be there any more.

You picked a direction and sped off, trying to get as far away from the fight you knew was about to ensue as possible. You weren’t paying attention to where you were going, but it ended up with you in a cove on the far end of the beach. You sat down, frustration and sadness flowing through you, and you couldn’t help it as tears leaked from your eyes, falling down your cheeks.

As you sat there, sniffling you held your eyes closed tight, focusing on the sounds of the waves crashing instead of the storm of feelings swirling inside. Anger and sadness crawled throughout your insides, squeezing your heart and clawing at your stomach.

Once you felt yourself calm a little a new noise rang out throughout the space, loud enough for you to hear what it was, but not understand it. It was a person, a voice, most likely calling for you, but you didn’t give them any of your attention, afraid it was Epxtä. Instead of responding you kept your head low, ears pinned back, as tears threatened to fall again.

You heard the voice again, this time much closer, and you feared for what was to come, but instead of what you imagined Epxtä’s insults would sound like and how her hits would feel when she landed them, you felt a hand reach out to your shoulder. Gently the person’s thumb rubbed circled on your shoulder, calming you.

You felt the sand under you shift as the person sat next to you, and when their head hit your shoulder you knew it could only be one person.

Tsireya.

It was always Tsireya.

Your eyes cracked open and the tears that had gathered on your lashes fell down your face, you couldn’t help yourself as you reached towards your face to wipe them away, but her hands beat you to it. She gently held your face, caressing your cheeks with her thumbs as she wiped away your tears. She looked concerned, but that was understandable with the way she found you.

You sniffled again, but a small smile cracked on your face, “Hello.” You greeted as quietly as possible.

She still looked concerned, but smiled back, her hands retracting from your face, signing, “Hello, beautiful.”

You just sighed, learning closer towards her and rubbing your cheeks together. You closed your eyes focusing on the feeling of your skin on hers. You didn’t want to focus on anything else, including your still broken feelings.

Tsireya didn’t allow you the peace of not focusing on that, instead pulling away and signing again, “What is wrong?” She asked.

Of course she wanted to talk about it, and you knew that even though you didn’t want to talk about it she would make you. She knew you always came out feeling better after discussing what was wrong, but it still didn’t make you want to talk about it.

“It is nothing.” You lied, or tried to, putting on a false smile. It wasn’t very convincing to Tsireya, or yourself, but you hoped it would hold off the conversation for a little longer.

She could see through your front, she always could, and she frowned before retorting, “I can tell it is not nothing. If you do not tell me what is wrong I can not help.”

Your fake smile fell, and you rolled your eyes, “I am telling you, it is nothing.”

“Okay…” She seemed to drop it, instead of addressing it again she said, “Well how was your day?”

“It was okay.” You only half lied, because it had been okay up until Epxtä had butted in on you and Ao’nung’s conversation.

Tsireya nodded as you could see her hum, lips pressed together, “Well, mine was not. I had a horrible day.”

You were surprised, “Oh.” You were so lost in your own thoughts that you hadn’t taken into account how she might be feeling right now.

“Ao’nung kept stealing my breakfast this morning, so I barely had anything to eat. Then my mom would not let me slip away for even a second, making me constantly attend to the fishers who had gotten scraped up on a hunt earlier this morning. I have not had a break.” She ranted on and on.

You felt bad, feeling the need to apologize for something you had no part in, “I’m sorry…”

She nodded at you simply before continuing, “I am telling you this because I want to show you that you can be open with me. You can tell me what is wrong, and I can help you.”

You sighed, you weren’t going to get out of this one, so you admitted, “It was Epxtä.”

Tsireya rolled her eyes, exasperated, “Oh my Eywa, it is always her.”

You giggled Tsireya’s sass, thinking about it Epxtä was the main pain in your ass, “That is true.”

Suddenly she got more serious, a small frown on her face as she asked, “Well, what happened?”

You rolled your eyes this time, frustration visible on your face and voice, “Just the usual. Nobody wants to hear me, I should just shut up.”

She scoffed, “You really need to stop listening to her, she is so stupid. Next time she says something mean get me and I will fix it.” She winked at you, a not so innocent smile on her face. You knew it would be less her fixing it, and more Ao’nung fixing it.

“I know you would, but sometimes I can not help but listen to her. If she feels this way clearly other people must too.” You started tearing up again, thoughts spinning in your head as you tried to voice what you were feeling, “I do not understand why I have to be this way. They say Eywa does not make mistakes, but I can not help but feel I should not be this way.”

She sighed, a gentle smile on her face, “My love, Eywa has made you this way for a reason. She has a plan for everyone. Someday you will understand that, truly, and when you are at peace with that, I will be too.”

You frowned, admitting, “I want to be at peace.”

“You want to be at peace for me,” She corrected you quickly, “not for you.”

You released a particularly harsh breath, frustrated, “That is true.”

Tsireya took a deep breath, sadness written on her face as her hands shook through what she was saying, “(Y/n), your voice is important. You may not like how you sound, and others may judge you because of it too, but your voice is important. You should use it more often…”

“I will do my best.” You promised, and you meant it. You couldn’t promise you would be able to speak up for yourself, you couldn’t promise you would always be able to use your voice, you couldn’t promise you would be able to love your voice, but you would try your best to. Not just for Tsireya, but for yourself as well.

She sighed, possibly content with your promise to try your best, possibly frustrated by your word choice, “I love you, and you will love yourself eventually, I promise.” She promised this time.

You held her face carefully in your hands, gently like if you held on too tight she would break, or you would break. The atmosphere was delicate, but so full of love, “I love you too. More than anything.”

You meant what you said, you loved her more than anything, or anyone else, and you were so grateful to have her in your life. You were grateful she chose you over anyone else.

She chose the one that can’t talk right, the one who doesn’t pay attention, the one who nobody else wanted, she chose the one who was so different from anyone else. She chose the deaf one. She chose the deaf one that nobody else wanted.

She chose you.

She chose you, and because of that you figured you should love your voice because if someone so perfect could love you maybe you could love yourself.

Word Bank:

Ilu (Metkayina animal transportation)

Tsahík (Spiritual leader)

Metkayina (Ocean Na’vi)

Marui (Metkayina homes)

Eywa (Na’vi goddess)

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