#dealing with the aro shit without making the ending be like

[blorboresidue]

solid chance this fic just ends with condalbert deciding to break up and go back to being fuckbuddies and then having fucknasty breakup sex. the end.

[jjs-brainrot]

Can't have complexity and nuanced characters in yuri because they'll get misunderstood and overly hated T~T The Kanoko hate has got to be from people who have just watched the anime, because Yoko is literally made to be the most hated character in the series. She's given her own complexity but her actions are almost always framed as being wrong, and her presence is anxiety inducing because she's seemingly uncaring about anything/one outside of herself and her own desires.

Kanoko, at her worst, is just a girl with bpd and is in love with her Favorite Person. And the whole love triangle drama, which isn't rare in stories at all. It's not like Bloom Into You, Kanoko isn't like Sayaka, she's not just going to bow out gracefully. It's just not the type of story that requires its characters to be one dimensional to be enjoyable.

The anime ending right before the arc where "Hime can't fall in love" actually starts being explored definitely did a number on Kanoko's credibility. It just makes her seem like she's possessive over Hime instead of her actually understanding how Hime feels about romance.

Unfortunately, a fair number of manga readers tend to hate her as well (even more than Yoko somehow) which is always infuriating because she literally does nothing wrong and is just a teenager who's going through shit. The only person who understood her and acted as a release valve for her feelings is also a source of frustration for those feelings. She's emotionally stuck between a rock and a hard place as Hime is the most important person in her life, but she also knows if she opens up about her love for her, she could lose Hime altogether.

It was only once Sumika reached out and offered to be someone Kanoko can actually talk about all the stuff she couldn't with Hime to, could she actually begin to even actually process her feelings towards Hime without worrying she'd lose someone very important to her. (and then Sumika becomes someone important to her and also someone she becomes scared of losing.)

Unfortunately Yuri is My Job! has the same problem a lot of satires have: the general audience expecting it's what it says on the box only to find that it subverts and critiques its particular genre (Class S). Like it's very much not the lighthearted romcom it initially bills itself as and has far more drama and interesting stuff to say about its characters and genre than you'd expect from the initial premise.

I could probably fill multiple blog posts talking about most of the complexities of all of the rest of the cast (Hime with being aro and her obsession over masking, Yano dealing with learning to mask while being autistic, Sumika being deep in the closet and not handling romantic feelings well, etc.), but Kanoko is forever my favorite and I will always defend her from those who hate on her.

[quietwingsinthesky]

hey will,

i think you made a post like yesterday about how cass' burned handprint on dean was an act of dehumanization and how cas and heaven see dean as a tool? what do you think about the bloody handprint that cas left on dean with that in mind?

i think supernatural completely lost the plot on what most of its symbols actually represented and they were making a lazy callback. BUT. if i was to take it seriously and carry on my thought from my original post, i’d tie it into the way resurrection on Supernatural is always, without exception, a violation. And as follows naturally, so are the sacrifices that the resurrected did not ask to be enacted to force them to survive. In this situation, obviously, this whole situation was actually put together for Jack’s life (and whatever. we don’t have time to get into how ridiculous it is that Jack isn’t there when this empty deal storyline comes to a head and is barely even a factor at the end but. whatever. supernatural is just poorly written sometimes.) but there, in that moment, the sacrifice is being made for Dean.

So, this is an echo of every other time Dean has been “saved”. In this world where being saved has never actually meant freedom, has never meant peace. And if you’re like me and are a staunch aro!dean believer, there’s the added burden of Cas’s whole confession deal that Dean couldn’t return.

One thing Supernatural really lost the plot on was the horror of self-sacrifice. Because it’s not a heroic act. From s2, and John saving Dean, Dean saving Sam, on and on, what we’re meant to understand is that this level of sacrifice is selfish. It destroys you, and it destroys the person you try to save. Supernatural forgot that around the time they started letting guys go out in a blaze of redemptive glory and shit. But I remember. So, when I see that handprint, what I see is Dean being “saved”. And what that has always meant: to be turned into an object—right now: to be worshipped, exalted, preserved. And because this is Supernatural, it’s appropriate that we call that love.

but like i said. s15 is just bad. it was really just a lazy callback to hype people up with a little nostalgia bait.

[our-polyamorous-experience]

I’m aromantic and non partnering but I’m super affectionate with my friends who are cool with it and I remember being like in middle school and polyamory was brought up and I had thought about it before but whenever I did it sort of confused me and made me think but then I’d just be holding and kissing my friends and that’s what I already want to do so lowkey thank you polyamory for helping me figure ut out

also I remember my whole excuse why I couldn’t be poly was because I wouldn’t have enough mouths to kiss everyone at the same time or enough hands to hold their hands at the same time if there were more then two😭 and like that genuinely upset me because I like HAD to hold and kiss EVERYONE at the same time it’s like such a big deal(I didn’t realize you could cuddle more then one person at a time I was very small and confused in middle school and just school in general) and because it upset me so much I stopped thinking about it and going down that train of thought so I like prolonged realizing I was Aro for years because I stopped questioning because my entire dilemma was what if I can’t hold everyone at the same time then what’s even the point

anyway I ended up talking to other kids about if they were poly or not and got hit with the entire like oh but that would make me JEALOUS it can only be me they’re mine only I can love them etc etc and I was so fucking confused like but you love your friends? Your family do you not love me??? I’m your friend!!!! Do you not like me🥺 and they’re like well sure but this is different you can only have one of this other kind of love and I was like lowkey that makes no sense I think y’all are makin this this stuff up these are made up rules this sounds miserable but ok if you like these made up rules like I thought they were just saying that because it made their partner happy like ah I see we’re playing make believe now idk man the commitment thing doesn’t make sense to me like “having” someone a little weird and felt incredibly suffocating and fake then I found that concept was partnership and other people did actually like all that but I didn’t and poly is partnering just multiple partnerships and I snapped my fingers in a little cartoonish way and went “Aw man!” And moved on like well I’ll figure out what works next time and I never did and I ended up way happier like that

anyway I feel like the difference between dating and partnering needs more like respect just on the basis of the amount of people who are partners in some way without dating (ie qpr platonic partner life partner sexual partner etc) and also the people who just don’t like that and are expected to do it even in aromantic spaces( ME) and ALSO to the polyam people who don’t get taken seriously because their partnerships don’t involve dating I thought about that and that sounds like it really sucks especially because of how everyone talks about it and treats it and gets randomly violent over the concept of other people being poly?? Like that’s fucking wild Godspeed y’all stay safe

idk what to say other than yeah that all checks out, social shits all a lie and people are dumb lol

[goldeneyedgirl]

TwiFicmas23 Day 5: Smoke & Mirrors

Good evening!

Tonight is a snippet from an upcoming one-shot, Smoke & Mirrors. It's a canon AU where Alice ended up going South as soon as she wakes up, and ends up being a competing Southern Warlord. It's meant to be a fun little one shot, set around Breaking Dawn, but needs major edits and rewrites, so I thought a snippet from the OG draft might be fun.

I'm half asleep, so I'll bid you all adieu and I hope you enjoy this!

smoke & mirrors.

Here’s the thing about the Southern Wars.

You ended up knowing everyone who lives long enough. Jasper knows Matteo, Carmela, and Rodrigo far better than he’d like to know people he tried to kill for half a century. He knows Lyric from Baja is a chameleon who wefts and weaves herself into whatever army holds the strongest territory; he knows Tomas as someone who really needs to be put down for good but he’s just so likeable everyone ignores his less appealing ‘hobbies’. And Katya who has fought for seventy years yet never actually killed anyone (Matteo is a soft-touch when it comes to Katya, that’s an open secret.)

At any one time, he knows someone who can kill, kidnap, rob, acquire, destroy, or duplicate anything in the known world. He tries to keep most of that close to the vest, preferring for the Cullens not to know that if shit comes to shove, he can have Bella abducted and in a safe house in less than 12 hours without a single trace, let alone anyone linking it to the Cullens. 

Hell, if Carlisle ever wanted a Pope’s skull to adorn his study, he knows a guy. It would cost a pretty penny and probably take the best part of a month, but he could make it happen. The same way he’s gotten more than just Cullen paperwork from Jenks; or that at least sixty percent of the cash he’s allocated annually goes towards helping those same old ‘friends’. 

It should also be noted that ‘friends’ is used ironically - other than Peter or Charlotte, any one of those people would kill him without a second thought if he was no longer useful. He feels the same about them. At a certain point, all the shit they went through and survived created some strange kind of respect and understanding. Veterans on opposing sides of a war. 

(It also needs to be noted that for all of the shit that has rained down on the family since Bella Swan tripped and stumbled into their lives, that he probably could have called in a favour for an extra set of hands. But Peter and Charlotte were unavailable, and calling in that kind of favour set a precedent he hadn’t wanted to deal with at the time, so he’d kept quiet and gotten the job done himself.)

Which is just a fancy way to say that when Irina bursts in and admits she told the fuckin’ Volturi about Renesmee, the Immortal Child, he’s already flipping through his mental Rolodex of assets to get them out of this mess. It’s a more practical option than, say, snapping Irina into bite-sized pieces to give her time to think about her actions. 

This is a problem. A big one. The more he thinks about it, the worse it gets. 

It’s the first public trial that the Volturi has held since the Wars (he was only a few years out of being a newborn, and he barely remembers in it through the haze of bloodlust and irritation, trying to keep the freshest newborns contained and civil as the Kings ruled Helena a dangerous criminal and scorched the entire coven from existence. He remembers Maria being quiet for a few days afterwards, but the specifics of the entire event were lost to him.) 

And that trial was only Caius, Aro, Dimitri, and the Twins. The Cullens’ charges (exposing themselves with the van incident, telling Bella, Edward’s attempt at exposing himself in Volterra, the whole Victoria debacle, waiting more than a year to change Bella, Charlie Swan, and now a hybrid child) were… difficult to challenge. 

The entire court was coming. 

(Sometimes he wonders if his role in this family has become that of the fixer. The one that is constantly bailing out the sinking ship, patching holes, and making sure all arms and legs are inside the proverbial vehicle - St Cloud, Dell Rapids, Senoia… Thirty years of that and, well, he’s getting tired.)

He gets up and disappears when Irina arrives, make-up smeared and emotions pinging off the walls like super balls, even though he knows what’s coming. He can practically sense it now. 

(The thing about the Southern Wars is that, even after you turn your back on it, you never seem to stop fighting some kind of battle.)

//

It’s less than six hours before everyone has to be informed of Irina’s faux pas, and it goes about as well as Jasper expected. 

He sits on the stairs as Edward and Rose and Carlisle argue, Jacob making unhelpful comments as he eats some vile human snack, and Irina looks vaguely ill and he wonders what the fuck Irina was thinking. If she wanted answers, justice, she should have come straight to the Cullens. This wasn’t so much as overkill, as nuking the planet from space after an oil spill. 

(He also wants to know how exactly she left Volterra to warn them. Did Aro dismiss her? Send her? Did she just slip out and hope no one noticed?)

The rot is truly set in with the Volturi; he’s heard Maria’s rants about them, about how power curdles and corrupts. How it becomes less about protection and more about control. And when you have vaults and vaults of money and jewels and artwork and books, you look for something much, much rarer and unique to collect. Something that cannot be bought or stolen. They are no one’s benevolent overlords, no loving fathers of their people - they are a bullet fired wildly into a crowd, striking down the slow, the ignorant, and the vulnerable. 

Very, very rarely do the actually guilty fall. That’s why this is such a bitter pill to swallow, such a disaster - Aro is coming for a trial, with the biggest audience he can find, to cull the Cullens and pick over the carcass. Justice and honesty and truth have no place here. 

(Helena was no criminal. Just trying to salvage a terrible situation her very best. Whomever fed her to the wolves was more of a criminal than Helena ever came close to being. She was nobody’s enemy.)

This is bad, very bad.   

Emmett comes over to him, his normally jovial expression replaced with something that was both tired and solemn.

“This is a mess,” Emmett says, and that’s his brother. Always the diplomat. 

This isn’t a mess. He can clean up messes. 

He offers a nod, and they both look over as Rosalie sends something flying - an ugly ceramic egg the size of a soccer ball that is nobody’s favourite, so the only one who flinches is Jacob. 

“We don’t have many options,” he finally says, and he feels the flutter of Emmett’s hope and relief against him; this is what his brother wants. Jasper’s bailed them out of the last… three of Edward’s debacles, of course the family veteran has an escape hatch already planned and built, a way that they get to keep their heads. 

(He wants to warn Emmett, the eternal optimist that he’s really only flipping names over in his head, working out who will give them the best advantage. Who owes him and who he already owes and who is nearby and who he can get in touch with the fastest. Do they need witnesses or an army or some combination of both?  There are a million balls in the air, even though the answer is right there because he wants to double check and make sure that he hasn’t missed anything - a better choice.)

He heaves a breath and he doesn’t want to do this. 

Of all the old friends he could call on, she’s the name that is right below Maria’s on the list of people he doesn’t want to owe a favour to. Calling her or Maria in right now is the equivalent of hitting the big red self-destruct button. 

But he continues to roll that choice around in his mind and it’s the right choice. She’s the right choice. 

And even if he thinks that a couple of decades in the catacombs of Volterra would teach Edward and Bella to be a hell of a lot less selfish and self-absorbed (and let the kid be raised by someone with a little more life experience, like Rose or Esme), the rest of the family doesn’t deserve to go down with them. Stupidity isn’t a crime. Carlisle’s love for his son isn’t a crime. 

“Let me make a call.”

—

Peter is glad to hear from him right up until Jasper explains why he’s calling - Edward, the child, Irina, the Volturi. 

“Is now a good time to mention that Yuri’s set-up camp permanently?” Peter asks, the strain in his voice obvious. 

No. No it’s absolutely not, but it puts more pieces into place, that maybe the Volturi are looking for more than to simply put the Cullens into their place. Yuri’s little clan of followers that ebbs and flows have transitioned from Hong Kong to Tokyo to Osaka. One of the great smugglers, he’d done deals with Maria for centuries and the fact that Yuri has left his home for America implies many, many things about the Volturi’s reach. 

He wonders if Li Jie is even still in China. If Li Jie has fallen, that would explain a lot. 

(Politics is a dirty word in their world. Carlisle refuses to engage in it, and he understands - sort of. For all their 

“He run into any kind of trouble?” He finally asks. 

“Not that he mentioned. Just said something about American hospitality. Just a heads up - he might need papers or shit. Where do you need me?”

That was Peter - and Charlotte - in a nutshell. There was nothing they wouldn’t drop to help, to swoop in with an extra set of hands. 

“I need you to track someone down for me,” he says, leaning against the wall. “We’ll need you at the trial, but there’s someone who I need to make sure this…” Doesn’t turn into an irreversible shit-show. Remember when Carmela tried to take Baja, Peter? That’s small potatoes compared to what the Cullens have brought down around our ears. We need a hail-Mary, miracle kind of help.

He explains what he needs carefully; what direction he thinks might work the best. He’s going to need to blackmail and bribe Tomas to make an appearance because if it comes to a fight, Tomas will go down with teeth and nails still slashing and take a very pretty pound of flesh with him. 

Peter is silent on the other end of the phone. “Major, you’re asking for a miracle,” he says finally. “No one has heard from her since she fucked off. If she’s still alive, she can’t possibly be in the US anymore. And I can tell you that she’s been written off as dead for decades by almost everyone.”

“I don’t believe that.” He can’t. Both Plan A and Plan B involve her presence, no one ever wielded an army like she did. He needs her insight, he needs her skill, and he needs her reputation. “And neither do you.”

Silence and the sound of someone fumbling at the phone.

“Jasper.” Charlotte’s on the phone now. “Peter’s being dramatic, we can look but we’re going to need…”

“I’ll transfer the cash straight away. We need the fastest possible turn around, Char. We don’t have enough time.”

Charlotte sighs. “We’ll do our best, Major.”

—

It’s two days later when some semblance of… well, not a plan, but a direction is coming together. Tracking down the right people was half the battle, but he was nearly certain that he’d get confirmation today. 

The rest of the family knew he was working on something, some way to get them out of this mess that wouldn’t humiliate Aro, or call into question the validity of the laws as a whole. Carlisle was very clear that they didn’t want some kind of political uprising or rebellion. Just enough time to explain Bella’s pregnancy, confirm that it was entirely unplanned and not some kind of master plan, and part as friends. 

Jasper wasn’t holding out much hope for that last part. 

Gathered around the dining room table - the family’s war room, when such a thing was needed. Jacob was somehow still eating, and Irina had remained in Forks  - she had clearly decided that Carlisle’s brand of ‘I’m not mad, just Disappointed’ was preferential to going back to Alaska, where Tanya and Eleazar would be waiting to rip her a new asshole - proverbially - for going anywhere near Italy. Let alone without even talking to the Cullens before she started throwing around wild accusations. 

It had been a long week that was only going to get longer - which he could see in the tension of the rest of the family.

“The first thing you need to accept is that this isn’t a trial.” His voice is flat and unfriendly. The child is cradled awkwardly in Edward’s arms, holding onto some mercifully silent toy, fixated on it. He absently wonders if drowning it in the bathtub would be a suitable penance to stop Aro in his tracks. 

But the look in Edward’s eyes at that stray thought is enough. And then Jasper wonders, idly, if this devotion and attachment to the child will last; after all, vampires don’t have offspring. They have no instinct for a dependent child - the connection between a vampire and their creator was nothing like that of parent and child (especially an infant), nor was the connection between coven members. There was every chance that any maternal connection to Renesmee that Bella had would fade after her newborn year, and decay the further she left her humanity behind. 

If they survive this, it’ll be an interesting case study, if nothing else. 

“There is every reason to assume that this ‘visit’ is intended to be an execution,” Jasper continues, and Esme flinches. “I can’t predict whether Aro will opt to sentence some of us, or all of us, or what his plan is. But the plan is for someone to die for this. To put us in our place. That is why he’s bringing an audience - to bear witness to our crimes. And before you say it Rose, we’re guilty by association - the fact we didn’t eliminate Bella after the van accident is a crime in Aro’s view.”

Rosalie frowned, and he could taste her worry on the air. 

“Our best course of action is to gather our own witnesses so that the trial is fair,” he continued. “That the baby is not an Immortal Child, but someone who grows and evolves, and therefore can change and learn. And to remind all three of the Kings that Aro was aware of the van accident, Bella’s knowledge of us, and the incident with James when she was in Volterra. We were given permission to continue as we were to minimise notice from the community. We weren’t charged with any crimes then, and it would look… unseemly to retroactively charge us now.”

“So what do we do?” Jacob asks. Irina looks strained, her hands teasing at a piece of ribbon. 

“I have a contact that I will be reaching out to,” he said grimly. “She’ll be an asset if she’s willing to help us and if I can find her - she’ll have contacts to other potential witnesses, insight into this visit from the Volturi, and stand as a completely neutral witness.” 

“And a Southern Warlord,” Edward sounds aghast, and Bella scoops up the child, her hand smoothing down the red curls. “You’re bringing one of them here?”

“You aren’t considering bringing Maria to Forks?” Carlisle asked uneasily. 

“That would be…” Rosalie began, already getting agitated. 

“A slaughter,” Edward finished, and Jasper resisted the urge to roll his eyes at them. As if Maria didn’t have the control to move about the human world; generally, Maria only pulled a ‘Calgary’ when she was trying to make a point. 

“It’s not Maria,” he said through clenched teeth. “I have some old contacts from the South who can assist us. I’ll need to be in Louisiana by Saturday morning to try and convince her.”

Carlisle still looked uneasy but Rosalie had backed off. Edward was still scowling. 

“If you prefer, I can just drown it and hope that buys us some grace?” Jasper said, his tone prickly, and both Bella and Jacob let out sounds of horror - Bella thrusting the baby at Esme to try and approach Jasper with violence in her eyes, but Edward grabbed her before she could get any closer. 

“That was unnecessary,” Esme said disapprovingly, her hand cupping the back of the child’s head. 

“And dramatic,” Edward is gritting his teeth and resisting the urge to punch Jasper himself. 

“I am trying to protect us,” Jasper replied shortly. “I am trying to get us out of this with minimal loss of life. Frankly, I don’t have much hope for Irina or Edward or Bella or … Renesmee, but if there is the slimmest possible chance that I can keep the rest of you alive and free, I will take it.”

Silence. 

“I can get you a flight to New Orleans Friday night,” Rosalie said, and that thread of fear was back. 

“Make it two,” Edward said, releasing Bella. “I’ll come with you."

“No.” Jasper said.

“Jasper, it might be wiser to go in pairs,” Carlisle said. “In these circumstances, I don’t think setting off alone is ideal.”

“No. It’s a bad idea.”

“Yes. You said it yourself - we have to convince her. If I know what she’s thinking, we can use it. And I want to meet our ‘saviour’,” Edward said, sarcasm and irritation pouring off him. 

“She’s not known for playing nice with others, Edward,” Jasper felt tired, as if his brother was being as difficult as he knew how to be on purpose. “And she can sniff out an agenda before you’ve even opened your mouth. If you want someone to accompany me, Emmett’s the best choice.” Emmett wore his emotions on his sleeve, and the most complex agenda his brother had ever had was to replace Rosalie’s ruined Louboutins before she noticed they’d been destroyed. 

Hell, he’d probably befriend her, and that could only help their cause. 

“Edward is the best choice,” Carlisle said reluctantly. “He can give us insight, even if she refuses to help.”

Carlisle’s not wrong and Jasper hates it. She’s going to need delicate handling, and Edward rarely takes advice from anyone who isn’t Carlisle. The absolutely last thing they need is for Edward to make demands or threats and piss her off. Then they’ll be dealing with an angry veteran and the Volturi. 

“Fine.” His tone is enough to let everyone at the table that he is not happy. “But I need to take the lead. Pissing her off with just make more trouble for us. And if we fuck this up, Maria is our next option. And you know Maria will want her pound of flesh if it works out in our favour.”

That is a proper threat, a tangible one that the entire family sans Bella feels the weight of; Irina looks wary and Jacob looks confused.  

“We will follow your lead, Jasper,” Carlisle says finally, with resignation. “Edward will go with you.”

“The rest of you should reach out to any friends we have. Anyone who will witness the trial. No one is obliged to fight on our behalf or even stay - but they can meet Renesmee and see that she isn’t an Immortal Child. That we did not break the laws.” 

He looks at them. “This isn’t so much about Renesmee or Edward and Bella. This is about the Volturi exerting their power. There is no justice in the Volturi, not anymore.”

[nerdyenby]

Double Life playlist

Explaining the song choices for the Double Life segment of my Traffic series playlist

Automatic by The Mowgli’s: all the functional soulmates finding each other. “Something about our love is automatical, never really know until you’ve had it.”

Tragic by Bailey Bryan: “I move too fast for love, it don’t last.” Pearl going on her own adventures instead of looking for her soulmate, causing a rift between them before they even meet. “Don’t wait up for me, I got a long way to go. Go get what you need, I’ll be getting gone. […] Don’t wait up for me, I’ll be fine.” Her realizing her soulmate is Scott and that he’s not willing to forgive her for abandoning him. “Know what it could be, maybe in another life. […] It’s just tragic, tragic, this shit could be magic. Dancing laughing, hold my hand in traffic. Pause then panic, I can’t break the habit: run from love ‘cause I ain’t ever had it.” They had something special in Last Life, but they’ve already lost the opportunity to be that again. Pearl doesn’t know how to love like that, (I headcanon DL!Pearl as aromantic) she doesn’t need or want a soulmate, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss what she and Scott had.

Out of Style by The Wrecks: “You can let me know when you wanna be close again, but if you call and I don’t wanna answer my phone it’s ‘cause […] I just wanna know: when the hell did love go out of style?” Scott declaring him and Pearl not soulmates after she ran off without him.

The Man by Taylor Swift: Pearl’s sadness giving way to frustration and resentment. “I would be complex, I would be cool. They’d say I played the field before I found someone to commit to, and that would be okay for me to do. Every conquest I had made would make me more of a boss to you. I’d be a fearless leader, I’d be an alpha type. When everyone believes ya, what’s that like? I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man. And I’m so sick of them coming at me again. ‘Cause if I was a man, I’d be the man.”

People Watching by Conan Gray: Pearl being alone on the sidelines, watching all the other soulmate pairs living happily together. “I’m only looking to live through you vicariously. I’ve never been in love, not seriously. […] Cut people out like tags on my clothing, I end up all alone but I still keep hoping. I wanna feel all that love and emotion, be that attached to the person I’m holding. Someday I’ll be fallin’ without caution, but for now I’m only people watching.”

Normal by The Wrecks: Pearl watching Scott from a distance, sending pain through their soulbond. Whether it’s to get his attention — to remind him that she’s still his soulmate — or to torment him, no one knows, least of all her. “I’m getting used to your silence, it can’t hurt me like I can. I don’t hate you but goddamn, you didn’t make it easy.” This next part of the song goes hard if you interpret Pearl as aro and dealing with internalized aphobia, but it’s not necessary. “I just wanna fall in love like everybody else does, how come it’s so hard for me? How come it’s so hard for me? Why don’t I get to be normal?”

Getting Over You by Cemetary Sun: Scott and Cleo being chosen soulmates. “I think I found somebody new. I know I don’t deserve it but it’s true. I didn’t wanna have to cut you loose. Yeah, I’m getting over you.”

Mad Woman by Taylor Swift: “What did you think I’d say to that? Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? They strike to kill, and you know I will.” Pearl’s angering simmering and her reputation spreading. “Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy, what about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry. And there’s nothing like a mad woman, what a shame she went mad. No one likes a mad woman, you made her like that.”

WITCH by Devon Cole: Hex’s animatic is what got me into this fandom, I couldn’t not include this song. People talking about Pearl behind her back. “I swear to God I saw her howling at the sky. She ain’t out to get you, but she’s better on your side.” Pearl embracing her reputation and going full in, doing everything in her power to get under Scott’s skin.

Play w/ me by Bailey Bryan: Pearl reclaiming her image and proving a point to Scott. “You act all innocent […] but then don’t text me ‘til it’s time to fall asleep. Boy you don’t see, you play yourself when you play with me.” She’s not seeking an apology, this is not remorse or a chance for reconciliation, this is a warning. “Hit me like a sucker punch, feeling like a bitch slap- ever seen a bitch snap? Well you about to. […] Tell me why you thinking you can come around me with all this different, always switching energy. It’s childish and tiring to say the least, that’s why I don’t trust these men.”

Killing Boys by Halsey: “Told me pick my battles and be picking ‘em wise, but I wanna pick ‘em all and I don’t wanna decide […] ‘cause you don’t need me anymore. And I won’t ever try again, and all I want in return is revenge, ‘cause I don’t need you anymore.”

Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift: Pearl about Scott, they form a tentative alliance but she’s not ready to put their past behind them. “He was sunshine, I was midnight rain. He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain. He wanted a bride, I was making my own name, chasing that fame. He stayed the same, all of me changed like midnight rain.”

Slowly, Slowly by The Mowgli’s: As others drop like flies, Pearl take an active role in the battle but it still catches her off guard when it’s down to just her and Scott. She’s even more surprised when Scott hands her the win, saying it’s her who deserves it. “It’s only you, it’s only me. It’s only love, and it’s only fair you find your peace.”

The last great american dynasty by Taylor Swift: There are no survivors, there never are. “And they said, ‘there goes the last great american dynasty.’ Who knows if she never showed up what could’ve been. There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen. She had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

[boombox-fuckboy]

WAIT @boombox-fuckboy DO YOU KNOW??? O WISE PODCAST OVERLORD???

@aro-cecil-kanagawa

Excuse the delay I was in a meeting.

It's Episode 14 - Water, Leviathans, and Cynthia talking.

SUIT (CLOSER): There is no fucking we. You are a fucking monster. I genuinely don’t care what you have to say. Let me repeat it again so it’s clear. You are a fucking monster. So many goddamn small-minded cowardly people have to told me that this place is too dangerous, too weird, too whatever the hell keeps them up at night. You know what this place is? It’s the first new continent in 500 years, and I’m going to make sure as fucking hell that I, that LMG, takes advantage of that. LMG can make deals with the things that live here, making deals with unimaginable entities is what we do, LMG has worked with governments before. I am going to make this place ours, and I’m only going to have to use monsters like you and your pathetic little friend for a short while longer. Now, you can either be on the company’s good side when that ends, or on the company’s bad side. You want to hear some more secrets? You want to get home? Then don’t fucking think for yourself.

(A beat)

DAN: (Barely containing rage) I’m not a monster.

SUIT (CLOSER): Listen to me. How much of your body is a fucking radio? Stop trying to pretend you’re a person, and lean into that shit. Monsters are cool. You’re fucking robocop without having to be a cop. Now, we clear?

A81 FANS PLEASE HELP ME OUT !! Currently on the hunt for a scene in s2 that I remember so vividly but isn’t in any of the transcripts for some reason?

It’s Dan talking to someone- either Clara, Lou, or Cynthia, can’t remember which. He says something about being a monster, and the other person tells him that he IS a monster but he should be proud of it because monsters are cool. its not in ANY of the transcripts and im DYING to find it again. Does anyone remember the ep it was in???

[sometimesiammybpd]

i'm writing this with the knowledge that the specific person this post is about can see this. i don't like that and i wish i could not have them see it but i'm also happy they know about this blog at all because idk. it's confusing. it's scary. it makes me feel anxious but i need to write about it because this is my only real method of not keeping things in. either way, i don't know what a crush is. i don't know what you're actually supposed to feel when you "like someone." i never have. it's why i end up labeling hyperfixations as crushes and why i'm not sure i ever really had any "real" ones. well. besides one, i guess. i'm so unbelievably nervous to have to actually write this that i keep clicking away and trying to distract myself. jesus. uhm. i wrote a lot about what it was before in this post, so feel free to read it if you'd like. but basically i think i still like them. i'm not sure at all and it scares me, but it feels real. or at least as real as i know it to be. what's worse is since they're my fp, i now can't tell what's just the feelings i get towards them as the fp vs the crush on TOP of everything else. it feels like a twisted puzzle that was thrown together by mixing 12 puzzles into one and acting like the entire thing can be solved into one big picture.

i don't know if it's accurate for me to label it as a crush. i don't know if what i'm feeling is going to last. i don't know if i'm aro and mixing it up or demi and actually just found that person again, if that makes any sense. and it's honestly making me angry at myself. but the more i think about it, the more i realize it's not like anyone explained to me what this is supposed to feel like. is there a defined set of feelings? don't know. but it feels like to me how being an adult feels like. i feel unprepared by the world like as if i got thrown in headfirst into a 50ft pool without knowing how to swim and got told that i'm expected not to drown. like i know i want to talk to them all the time. i know nothing i felt before has changed.

i still want to do what i can to make them happy. i still want to be there for them in the absolute darkest moments (although that is true of all my friends and has nothing to do with crushes except that it just. feels different? does that make sense? i really don't know how to put it into words). i get sad when we can't talk and then what i KNOW is the bpd part of my brain seeing them as the fp causes me to freak out because i'm worried and scared and anxious all about 12,000,000 different things all at once because they can't talk all the time or whatever. which is its own thing and sucks total dick. but i know i get so so so excited when they message me and i know that whether it just be the fp relationship, the crush (?), both???, i want to show them every little thing i've done and i want to tell them everything and all of this shit that i just. feel so weird about. because is it a crush or am i just overreading into it? and how am i supposed to distinguish between what goes with the maybe crush and what's just because they're my fp??? yes, it makes me want to smash my head into a wall, but more importantly it worries me. moreso not because i'm wrong, but what if i'm right?

what if we got to that point again where we both like each other and we start to go towards more than friends? i don't remember how my bpd reacts towards relationships because it happens so little, if at all, that i can't remember it long enough to deal with it. NOT that i don't want to but like. yknow? sigh. i don't want to be too much. but this is an issue i've always had with "crushes." my fp / one of my bsfs is the only person i know i've ever liked. properly liked. and that scares me too. i just don't want to potentially go down that road again, should it ever happen, and then have everything fall apart again. and i wanna make it clear, i DO want to work on myself in this regard. i really really do. but i just cannot remember how badly it amplifies my stuff because it never happens. i know what sets me off on a normal day and i know a lot more of the triggers i need to avoid or at least get better at handling, which is really good. but i cannot say the same about relationships like this. and i'm also afraid they're gonna actually get on tumblr any time in the next bit and see this post. because i don't wanna freak / weird them out over this. i literally don't even know if i'm right about what i'm feeling.

the entire idea of crushes stresses me out in more ways than one and i will never understand the appeal of them. but i both want this to be real and i don't. i'm just so afraid of losing them again. that's the biggest thing. them being in my life has always been so stupidly important and i fucked it up once. badly. i really really really don't want to hurt them again. i don't want to have to end up never talking to them again because of something i did. i want to be a part of their life for as long as possible because i care about them so much. i think about them every day and they mean so fucking much to me.

i don't know. i'm confused and stressed and scared and i don't know.

[hanniejji]

how to pierce your ears at home 101

[ shikanoin heizou x s/o ]

summary: you should've known better to give this man a set of earrings as a birthday gift without a piercing appointment itself.

notes: i got my ears pierced like this when i was younger and my aunt did it for me but fuck did i got scared when my friend had me pierce their own ears by myself :'> also happy birthday you lil guy, hope you guys get the butter joke lmao im so funny aha | m.list

words: 1292 | warnings: "boo" is used for s/o, descriptive steps of how to pierce your ears at home but not including the needle through the earlobe part, a lil speck of blood but it's safe i swear, a lil suggestive at the end depending on how you take it???

"this is stupid."

"yet here we are," heizou pointed out, looking at you with a smug smile through the mirror.

how in the world did you find yourself in this situation? here you are, the two of you are crammed into heizou's dorm bathroom.

well, a certain little minx had, for some reason, convinced you to accompany him when he's going to get his ears pierced. and by accompany, he meant for you to pierce his ears.

by yourself.

he had dragged his swivel chair into the relatively small space, scooting as close as possible to the sink with a lighter, two packs of ice on the counter and a very intimidating long needle right next to it. on the other side is a bottle of disinfectant, cotton balls, a clean cork and pair of earrings that you had given him for his birthday.

honestly, if you had known that gifting him his first set of earrings would result in him asking you to pierce his ears yourself and not in a parlor, then you would've included a scheduled appointment with the earrings itself. expensive, but it's worth avoiding this scenario.

you haven't even done anything to start and yet your fingers are already shaking.

"this is unhygienic and highly dangerous."

"oh come on," he leans his head back to look at you, lips pulled into a pout. "what could go wrong? you're just going to pierce my ears, that's all~."

"oh, a lot can go wrong," exasperated, you flicked the tip of his ear—you rolled your eyes when he whined. so dramatic, your finger barely touched his ear.

"first of all, i am not trained to pierce shit."

"—did you just call my ear 'shit'?"

"second, like i said, i am not a professional and could be doing this all wrong. heck, i might scare myself and mess shit up."

"—you mean, mess my ears up."

"third and lastly, you can get an infection if i mess shit up and things can go way worse after that," you put an emphasis on the word 'shit' out of pettiness.

"hey, hey, hey," a hand comes up to your cheek, lightly pinching the apple of your cheek before caressing it with his thumb. "it'll be fine, if it goes wrong then the hospital is one ride away—"

"that doesn't make me feel better."

"ehehe," he sheepishly grins, looking more boyish below you from your peripheral vision. "i trust you, boo."

"i still don't feel better."

"don't worry, i'll talk you through it, mkay? i watched kazuha do the same thing to his own ears, so we're not completely clueless y'know."

you scoffed, tugging his earlobe lightly, "then maybe you should've asked him to pierce your ears if he knows how to."

"aww come on," pouting, he takes your hand and places it on his puffed cheek. "i wanted my honey butter sugar boo to do it for me~."

"never call me that name again. ever."

"i won't if you pierce my ears, deal?"

"you're insufferable and a menace."

"i'm going to take that as a yes, and yes, i am your insufferable menace."

the victorious grin on his stupidly attractive face is practically telling you that you're not escaping this predicament or winning any defensive argument. one way or another, he's going to get his way, so there's really no point in trying to avoid the inevitable.

"i'm sorry but also not sorry if i mess this up."

"don't worry, boo, i'll still love you."

shaking off the warm feeling on your cheeks, you grab ice packs from the counter and press both of it around his earlobe, his hands coming up to keep them there while you sort through everything. heizou had disinfected everything he laid out on the counter, even going as far as to sanitizing the whole sink counter itself when you voiced your concerns earlier.

"so, uh, i just… light the needle up?"

"uh huh, kazuha said it'll be easier to get the needle through if you hold it above the flame for a bit."

you can feel your spine tingle with cold sweat at the mental image. you're not exactly sure if you should be glad that heizou isn't completely doing this on his own, but at the same time, you think you'll be a little traumatized after this.

grabbing the lighter with shaking hands, you held the tip of the needle just above the flame, looking back to see heizou rubbing alcohol around his earlobe.

"alright, i'm ready as i'll ever be!"

"i'm not," you grumbled, ignoring the way he chuckled.

the sooner you get this done, the sooner you can get out and never do this again.

so with a deep breath, you shut the lighter and placed the cork right behind his earlobe, inching the needle closer.

if you're lucky enough, maybe you won't pass out in the process.

fortunately, you did not pass out.

although you did feel a little light headed after piercing the second ear and when you saw a little bit of blood, heizou had been calm enough to reassure you through it.

he's damn glad you were too busy staring at his ears to notice his tightly shut eyes and the small tremble of his lips when he felt the needle.

but alas! after disinfecting his earlobe for the nth time—he swore you're more scared than he was for any potential infection, which is also understandable—you finally finished the whole process and the set of earrings are now in place.

"never ask me to do this again, ever."

"hmm, i don't know about that," he grins, laughing when you swat his hand away before he could even touch his ears.

"don't, you'll hurt yourself. worse, you'll get it infected yourself," you chided.

"okay okay, geez," he snickered.

rolling your eyes, you turn to the counter and start cleaning the sink, throwing away the cotton balls you've used and setting everything aside. you only heard him rolling his chair away a little before feeling his hands tug at your waist backwards.

"i—hey!"

he, not so gently, pulled you on his lap, hugging your waist and hooking his chin on your shoulder.

"thank you for doing this for me baby," his voice is right next to your ear, whispering in a quiet and sultry voice, his arms tightening around your waist. you felt his cold lips touch your neck, little kisses traveling to your jaw and up to your undeniably warm cheeks. you can feel his smile against your skin when he feels the warmth through his lips.

"you little shit."

you felt the low chuckle he made against your back, sending your soul up above the highest point of celestia with how your skin tingled with goosebumps. slightly, you shuffled on his lap to cover up your embarrassment.

"couldn't have done this without you boo~."

"i'm pretty sure you can."

"but you won't let me, would you?" you can hear the pout on his face but you know him better, he's having fun teasing you like this. "if you weren't here to help, i might have done the whole process incorrectly."

"can we please at least get out of your small bathroom? it's a little stuffy here."

you swiftly inserted, blaming the cramped room for the sudden rise in temperature.

"anything for my boo~," chiming whispers in your ear, he places one last kiss right behind your ears, humming softly but refusing to let go of your waist. "hmm, on second thought, we can stay here for a little longer. want to keep you close for a few more minutes." (read: hours)

you're pretty sure you won't be alive to see the light outside his bathroom after he has his fun.

[just-walk-around]

I don't know if is because I'm aro but I really will prefer that in the miraculous ladybug show the relationship between Adrien and Marinette were more like friends or family than romantic.

Like the writer kind of fucked up with Adrien character, most of the shady shit he had pulled was glossed over.

Nothing make more happy that reading a fic were this is deal with and they start over with a better founding. For example:

Adrien is a lonely sad boy that is working hard in moving on with his life after his mother death,he is the perfect son to a father that is mourning, his dad don't need to worry about him messing around (maybe if he works hard father will be proud of him, maybe if he hides his "flaws" he will look at him with love again). But staying in the house is hard for him (too much memories) his work as model and the other extracurriculars distract him but he doesn't know how to be "normal" teenager, doesn't know how interact with others outside of professional areas and his only close relationship is Chloe, but going to public school with help him, he will met more people of his age, he just needs to be perfect there too and people will know that he is worthy of it . He is naive and he could come as the classic rich white boy but he is trying. He "falls in love" with ladybug but in reality he just wants someone to see him without the perfect boy glasses and still stay with him.

Chat is the part of Adrien that he hides because is silly, goofy, unperfect (not worth of love) he knows that's a great responsibility but this is freedom too and they need to hide their identities so is good to act the less like perfect boy Adrien. Sometimes goes too far, he forgets that being a hero is serious that people are counting of him to save the day but he has a good heart, he's young he can learn and be better. He jokes to calm himself down and for the fun of it. He knows when to do it and when he needs to be serious.

Plagg is a God, he knows the value of chaos and the need of destruction to create , everything needs a balance. This human boy is young, he is reckless (he don't know what his life is worth anymore), he is naive (he needs guide), he will be a great black cat he just need some work. But the boy not need another "adult" ordering him around he needs to learn how to make decisions for himself, he don't need more strict rules and nagging. Plagg knows how to work with any type of human, he had being doing for centuries, (he started to lost hope in the humanity's), he had worked with cruel humans that try to abuse of his power they regret it in the end he makes sure of it, this boy is just another one that he will have to guide(in the end this boy became one of his best user his memory will be forever part of him, to remind him of hope and change for the better)

Marinette is a hardworking girl, that choose to be kind to put people needs before her(she was conditioned for that be a the teachers that think she should catter to the more privileged). Ladybug is someone that people will look for answer and help she can do it, she will sacrifice her life and dreams for the rest (she had already do it).

Tikki is a goddess, she knows the value of the order and how creation could bring destruction. This young girl will be a great ladybug she already knows of responsibility and sacrifice (that is so sad, to learn that to such young age is a tragedy itself) but she needs to learn to said no, to work in her needs because she keeps going like this she will burn she will not grown. She is chaotic (work fast to not disappoint, who cares what she lost in the way) she is nervous ( she is scared what if she fail? ) she doesn't know what to do with her feelings (they never matter in the first place).

Tikki knows what she needs to do, but this young girl needs someone to teach her the balance of life. She knows that the mission is important that Noroo needs helps but Hawkmoth is dangerous and her user will work until her dead to stop him, but she-is-so-young and Tikki doesn't wants to lose another one (not again, not again please) so she will help the best she can.

So yeah I think that in this point the fans only lives on the head cannons.

[curseof-thefold]

Sariel Route Review

So I finished Sariel's route yesterday and here are my thoughts on it. Obviously spoilers for Sariel, Clavis and Luke’s routes

A lot of people disliked Sariel's route for its apparent lack of romance, but I love it. Now, that's probably because I am in the incredibly funny position of being an aro playing otome games and making myself gag with how sappy they are, so for me the romance is not a part I enjoy in most routes, just something I have to deal with.

"Why do you even play then?" Says the clueless alloro.

For the characters, soft porn, one liners and, of course, the LORE! Give me a YouTube channel and call me MatPat cause I'm all about that lore.

Back to Sariel.

For me Sariel’s route was basically perfect, it had intrigue and suspense and didn’t stop the action in its tracks just so the characters can make googly eyes at each other for half the chapter.

First for the things I didn’t like. I don’t like Sariel’s backstory, it’s much too cluttered. They wanted to make him this super accomplished person before he came to the palace but also have him grow up with the princes. So they made him a famous 10 y/o gang leader. It’s so fucking weird and I’m amazed I didn’t see more people talking about it. It would have been fine if he had a group of five or six other kids and they were known in their own town for beating people with pipes and small robberies and the like. But the scale we are shown is just ridiculous, they could have fixed this very easily if they would have made him arrive at the palace just a few years later. A famous 15-16 y/o gang leader is still ridiculous but not as much as a kid that hadn’t even started his puberty yet. 

I liked the MC. She is smart, a quick learner, adapts easily and she’s a good improviser, all of this coupled with being really knew into that life and having little to no experience makes her pleasant to follow, she is probably my favorite MC, closely followed by Clavis’. She didn’t ride on her status as Belle and took her responsibilities as Sariel’s apprentice very seriously even if it was only a cover. I really liked that she proved herself to be not only a competent Belle but also a skilled Minister with the potential to greatly help the country in the future.

Hot take but I really like Sariel and MC’s dynamic. A lot of people hated it but I like it. I’ve seen people say that they felt like the romance kinda came out of nowhere at the end without any built up, but I disagree. There is definitely A LOT of pinning between them during the route, on MC’s part but also on Sariel’s. The reason why they only acted on it at the very end was because both of them, and the story, recognised that there was no time for romance and it wouldn’t have been appropriate.

Relationships between a superior and an employee in the workplace are complicated. Now, I’m no moral crusader and I would’ve adored to have Sariel fuck MC on his desk between lessons since Chapter 2, and frankly the whole game toys with power imbalance in relationships because that’s just the nature of royalty dating commoners. Unfortunately Sariel is not the type to abuse his position in that way (regardless of how hot it would have been, I should write a fic about boss!Sariel and secretary!Emma). Sariel was keenly aware of his position the entire time and acted accordingly. At the end MC becomes Sariel’s apprentice for real and they start dating but at that point I see them as colleagues more than master and apprentice, even the princes treat MC as a full on Minister by that point.

Here comes my favorite part . . . the KING.

I fucking hate the King. He is just like every pathetic guy I’ve ever met.

I think Cybird made a good job of portraying someone who is so shit, through the idealised lense of the one singular person who liked him.

Sariel had a toxic father-son relationship with the man. They’ve known each other since Sariel was 10 and the King was more of a father to him than to any of his children. But even keeping that in mind, Sariel still had to essentially care for the emotional needs of a man child, becoming his only confidant and carrying on his desires and hopes for the country alongside his own grief, because Sariel was the ONLY one that actually grieved for that man.

Look, I don’t like saying bad things about Jin’s mom, but she chose wrong. We are told that there were no complaints about the King before the previous Belle was chased out but I highly doubt this. We are told this by Sariel, who wasn’t there and has probably found out about this FROM the King. The man was also full of shit, he claimed to love the country but he never showed it. He let Sariel and his sons rule his country WHILE he was alive. I can understand the very end, when he was too sick to move, but there was Blood Stained Day. Not even an invasion motivated this man to get off his ass. The princes had to go and fight themselves and I don’t think that we, as a fandom, realise just how young they were. Most of them were in their teens, only Chevalier and Jin were adults, Chevalier, the guy who sacrificed war prisoners was 20 or 21 and Clavis, the mad man who ran to save them and almost died in a fire because of it was 19 or 20, only Jin could have been considered an actual adult at the time, and he was 22. And what was the King doing during all of this? Throwing himself a pity party, like usual.

He did this in basically every flashback, called himself incompetent and a bad King, and he was right. 

Not only was he a bad King and a bad father, but he was an atrocious husband. Anita is the clearest example of that. I can understand why he didn’t like the Queen and the other two marriages were purely political, but he wanted to marry Anita, this was something that he WANTED, no one could have or would have forced him to do it. Regardless of that he completely ignored her after she gives birth, he pitied her, sure, but he never extended a hand towards her. He saw how her mental health was going to shit and he cried when she died, for her and the twins, but he did nothing to prevent this, he could’ve but he didn’t.

The King was not a broken man, he was a pathetic one. He spent his entire life after his girlfriend was chased out throwing himself a pity party, ignoring his duties and hurting people. He was most likely depressed, yeah, but that doesn’t excuse abandonment, neglect and rape.

Oh yeah, let’s talk about the two giant pink elephants floating around in Sariel’s route, the two KNOWN sexual assaults inflicted by the King upon Leticia Lelouch and Luke’s mom. 

They are not mentioned, which is weird considering that two princes are the product of that and one happened WHILE Sariel was at the court. This man was utterly despicable. What he did to Luke’s mom can be argued as the King quite literally losing his mind out of grief and because she looked like the previous Belle (a stupid argument, but fine, I’ll take it), but what he did to Leticia was downright monstrous. He wanted to hurt her; he wanted to torture her; he did that out of pure malice, because a maidservant pestering him to have tea with his wife from time to time pissed him off so much.

Sariel is not stupid, it’s not that he is unaware of all of this, he is just consciously choosing to not think about it. He never tries to argue against it, he never tries to convince Luke that the King was “a good guy, actually”, because he knows what kind of man he was. When a loved one is proven to have done something horrible, many people are more inclined to ignore it, excuse it or deny it, because they love that person too much to abandon them, even after something like that. Sariel does the same thing, for him it doesn’t matter that the King was a horrible person, it only matters that he was good to him.

Sariel’s route portrayed this dynamic perfectly, it might have been infuriating, but I enjoyed this direction and the care the writers took to tell the audience just how shit that man was while maintaining just how dependant Sariel was on him, to the point of ignoring his wrongdoings any chance he got.

[strangelysamantha]

hi can i request a blurb or a whole imagine where jj rlly likes reader but she’s a kook and his friends don’t like her that much, 💗 thank u

hatred runs out ❀

jj maybank x kook!reader.

warnings: swearing, hateful feelings, that’s all.

words: 2,015.

summary: you are a kook, you were trying to befriend the pogues as they made you happier than you had been in months. the only downside, none of them were quite welcoming, besides jj.

request? yes!

a/n: my ask box is open, send away! i’m working on multiple imagines that should come later! like and comment if you enjoy this. thanks for the request! <3

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

“she’s a kook jj, i mean, you aren’t seriously crushing on her? are you?” john b looked up at jj, and frowned when he saw he wasn’t laughing. “john b, i don’t know what it is man, but she’s different. i just know it.” john b cackled, “she’s not different. she’s a kook, i mean come on… she hangs out with topper. that says enough.” jj rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed. “you just don’t like her because she associates with sarah’s ex.” he shakes his head. “no, that’s not the reason jj. your mind is just fogged up, because you clearly aren’t thinking straight.” jjs anger was boiling up, and before he did something he would regret, he decided to just walk off.

jj stormed away. he continued walking despite john bs attempt of calling out to him to stop. he was trying to clear his mind, he genuinely liked you, so much that he felt the need to tell john b. jj wouldn’t usually be this upset, but when john b of all people disapproves because you are a kook, when the girl he is dating is sarah, it angers him. after ten minutes of air, and chilling out, he returns to john bs house.

once inside he sees you and kie. he was completely caught off guard. “oh? you’re here.” jj spoke to you, causing you to look up. “hey jj. yeah, i decided to stop by before my shift. do you want to join us? we’re playing uno.” your smile immediately lifts a smile to jj's face. “sure i’ll play some uno.” he approaches the table, and you deal him seven cards.

kie was the only one who semi liked you. obviously she wasn't ecstatic about you, but she was open to tolerating you. as time went on, she started to enjoy your company, she realized you weren’t that bad, and despite being a kook, the two of you related on many things.

“first card is a yellow two. jj can go first.” you stare at him, waiting patiently for his move. his heart was beating fast, as he tried to pick a card. as he placed a yellow seven, john b walked in. “why is she here?” you didn’t miss the sharp tone that lingered in john bs voice. “oh, i decided to stop by. i’m sorry, i should have asked.” you stand up, reaching for your jacket. “that’s right. you should have asked. you can’t just show up to someone’s house randomly. it’s weird.” you frown, not realizing until now that he didn’t trust you enough to even be considered an acquaintance.

“she’s welcomed here whenever she wants to be, john b.” jj spoke up for you. kie backing him up by softly saying yeah. “no. she’s not. it’s my house jj, and i don’t appreciate you inviting random kook strangers over. she’s not a pogue. she’s not like us. meaning; she’s not welcomed here.” you frown at his words. you quickly feel out of place and you rush to the door, pulling your shoes on. “i’m going to go.” you spoke up, grabbing your purse. “good. see you!” john b exclaimed, watching you walk out the front door and down the steps.

“what the fuck bro?” jj stared at john b waiting for an explanation. “what?” jjs eyes narrowed on his, he couldn’t be serious could he? “why do you always do that shit bro? i mean honestly. what makes her any different from sarah?” john b shakes his head. “don’t even compare them. they aren't similar.”

jj scoffs, “oh they’re not?” jj begins to expose the similarities but john b shuts it down immediately. “jj i’m not going to explain myself to you anymore. i don’t like her, and i don’t want her over here.” jj groans in frustration. “if only you got to know her man, then you’d know how amazing she is. i mean ask kie. kie thought she was annoying at first and now they can be in the same room without being in a yelling match.” kie nodded, listening in but staying mostly silent.

“fine. the only reason i’m agreeing is because you hate kooks too, which means you might be right. about her.” john b sighs, giving up. “thank you. please, even if you decide you still don’t like her, please just consider getting to know her.” he pleads, “i already said i will.” john b rolled his eyes, jj smiles, “okay. we should invite her to hang out with us after pope gets off work.” they all nod in agreement, planning something so they could see if they wanted you to join their party.

the pogues had planned on inviting you to the wreck, and then to a mini trip on the hms pogue, for a boat ride. you were ecstatic, excited that they wanted to actually hang out with you. you think hard, trying to find a perfect outfit. you didn’t want to overdress, or underdress, and you didn’t want to look bad. after deciding on a simple outfit and swimsuit, you head to the wreck.

you see the group in the back corner. when you walk inside, jj is the first to spot you. a smile spreads to his lips, as he waves you over to join them. you sit down by john b, jj sitting on the other side of you. “hey.” you say shyly, not entirely sure if this whole thing was a set up. you were hopeful it wasn’t, but you could never be too sure.

“hey, thanks for coming.” pope said. you smile brightly at him, “thanks for inviting me.” pope nods. your stomach was hurting by how nervous you were. jj made small talk with you, as you guys were waiting for kiara. you weren’t entirely sure what they were planning, you were just glad to be a part of it.

“alright guys. here’s the scraps.” kiara walked to your table, setting down a bowl of fries, and then a plaster of burgers. you smile softly, jj and john b immediately grabbing the food. you wait, not entirely hungry since you ate before you left. jj offered you a bite of his burger, “oh thanks!” you laugh slightly as you bite from where he had bitten, enjoying the taste, “hey you actually have mustard right there.” you smiled as you spread mustard on jj’s face. you couldn’t help the giggles erupting from you, as jj’s mouth opened wide in shock. “oh really? well you seem to have some ketchup-” his finger rubbed ketchup on your cheek. “all over…” he gestured to your face. “hey! give me a napkin.” you ask for a napkin and jj laughs. “no.” you immediately look over to pope, giving him a smile. “may i have a napkin?” you ask. he smiles, “sorry jay.” he hands you a napkin and you wipe the ketchup off your face.

“thank you pope. i like you. unlike some people at this table…” you look at jj and he’s just smiling like a maniac. pope laughs. “glad that you think so highly of me just because i handed you a napkin.” you nod, eating a french fry before glancing at john b. he was awfully quiet. “john b?” you question. he looks up at you. “yes?” annoyance already rolling off his tongue. “are you okay?” he rolled his eyes. “yes. even if i wasn’t, i wouldn’t confide in you about it.” you frown.

you wait a second, trying to think of how to lighten the mood. “you know what we need to do?” you look from pope to jj, to finally john b, poking at his arm. “what?” john b looks up at you. you tap jj’s stomach, indicating to him to stand up. he stands up, making room for you to be able to move out of the booth. you poke john bs side. “we need to dance.” you grab john b's hand, doing anything possible to lighten his mood. his frown was still hung on his lips. he hesitated and followed you to the middle of the restaurant. jj and pope stay back at the booth.

you lean over the counter, asking kie to play a song she knows john b would enjoy. “john b. you just need to calm down, and relax. you just need to dance like nobody's watching.” he stares at you, shocked. “it’s okay. i’ll do it with you.” his favorite song started playing, and you began to awkwardly dance. he laughed at your ridiculous moves. he held back from joining in, he didn’t want you to win. you began to break out dancing, and he can’t help but laugh. you look up as someone enters the restaurant. a smile flies to your face. “sarah!!!” she runs up to you.

“hey!!! i didn’t know you guys would be here.” you smile, still swaying slightly to the music. “sarah i would have definitely invited you if i knew you were free.” she nodded at your words. “all good girly, we still good for monday?” you smile, “of course.” john b stared, confused by this whole interaction. not only did you know sarah, you were actually friends with her. you had plans to hang out with her. maybe he was wrong, maybe jj was the one who was right. maybe, you actually were similar to sarah.

“do you want to join us?” you ask, sarah grabbed your hand spinning you around before breaking out in a fit of laughter. “stay another minute here with you losers… i’ll pass.” you jokingly act offended, “hey!” she shakes her head. “only kidding. i definitely would, but my dad wants me home. he claims he has a fun night planned but it’ll probably just consist of watching a movie and eating from here.” you nod. “well have fun with that.” you spoke, she smiles, “you know i always do.” you roll your eyes at her joke, she walks away grabbing her to go food before she disappears from the restaurant. “hey i’m gonna go take a sip of water.” you move back to the booth, jj refusing to move so you end up sitting on his lap. you sip water as you catch your breath from dancing.

john b heads straight to kiara. “how long have they been friends?” he asked abruptly. “her and sarah?” kie questions, pointing at you. he nods, “yeah.” kiara laughs, “they’ve been buddies for years. they didn’t get super close until a month or two ago.” he nods at her words. he was still shocked. he looked back at the booth, seeing you sat on jjs lap, his hands held firmly around your waist. you were speaking to pope, and he actually looked interested in what you were saying.

john b had just realized that he had the wrong idea of who you were. whether sarah made him realize that or not, he definitely didn’t want to hold a grudge with you, especially if sarah was your friend. john b walked back to the table, his attention on you. kiara had followed swiftly behind him. “let’s raise a toast.” the group was confused but they lifted their cups of water anyway. “to the newest member of our club.” his glass pointed in your way, his cup clashing with yours. you smile. john b was the only one you were worried about, and now he was saying he welcomes you.

the group cheers as you smile brightly. “thank you guys! i’m so excited for our future adventures.” you drink from your glass. the group waited for kiara’s shift to end before taking the hms pogue for a ride. you were sat by jj, pope to your left. kiara and john b talking as they directed the boat.

“well, welcome. you made it.” pope smiles, laughing slightly. “i did, isn’t that crazy. john b hated me like 6 hours ago.” jj laughs, “classic john b for you.” you nod at his words. pope, jj, john b, kiara, and you, talked all night, watching the stars as you guys got closer. it was so much fun, and today’s events allowed you to become a permanent group member.

<3

[antiterf]

Okay so to make sure no ones surprised, here are some beliefs on discourse and morals.

I'm generally open to talking about them, but please do not fight me on the morals aspect. You can ask for more info but I may get meaner than I'd like if you fight me on morals, I hold them very close to me.

People generally want to do what's best for themselves and for others. Human beings inherently want to be good.

Every human life has value, one life lost is years of experience, knowledge, love, and care lost. It is never just a statistic, as only ten 60 year olds dead is 600 years love and experience of life lost.

Even with this belief I feel that if the rich don't do something about the enormous amount and wealth and power they hoard, their death is more valuable than their life like how a piñata is only beneficial when it's broke open.

Making fun of someone based on a minority status only hurts the entire group of oppressed people. Making fun of someone for their appearance will do harm to people who've done nothing to you.

Hating someone for something they have no choice in isn't going to help shit. So don't do it.

You cannot only fight for one minority because you'll end up ignoring the less privileged parts of your own minority.

No one owes you an explanation to anything, you don't owe an explanation to anyone. This doesn't mean that the person is simply obligated to believe what you say.

Your worth is not dependant on how much you're able to work and produce.

No one is worth any less for needing assistance, whether it's for an hour or for life.

Now to the not morality stuff

If the people in power are going for one minority, prepare to be next.

You can be trans without having gender dysphoria (I am dysphoric btw)

NPD and ASPD don't make people inherently abusive and to hate someone solely because they have those disorders is ableism.

Narc abuse is just emotional abuse with some specific aspects. Please stop calling every abuser a narcissist or armchair diagnosing your abuser.

Having a multisexual identity other than being bi isn't biphobic

The ace and aro spectrums exist and ace and aro people shouldn't even have to deal with the question that they belong in the LGBTQ+ community or not, they do.

Intersex people are a part of the LGBTQ+ community if they want to be.

Being a bi lesbian is valid

Having an identity that seems contradictory is valid

It/its pronouns are valid (I have had them used on me in a derogatory manner btw)

I am uncertain about transandrophobia or the other commom terms for it. I believe that afab trans people can and do experience oppression because of their agab and sex characteristics (otherwise abortion rights and healthcare wouldn't be an issue for us). But at the same time I feel like trying to make a term that centers around trans men will exclude nb people who experience the same. I have also seen many transandrophobia fighters be blatantly transmisogynistic and it doesn't sit right with me.

ACAB and BLM

Basically, I'm not against transandrophobia but I'm not for it either.

To say I don't get uncomfortable with the people who are heavily against it would be a lie though.

No person is illegal

Religion is important to many people and we can address the harm it does while still respecting the help it does as well.

I'm a psychology major but recognize that the field of psychology has a major role in determining what's "abnormal" for someone to be and is usually ableist.

Queer isn't a slur, but you should still respect people who don't want it used on them. I will use "the queer community" when talking about issues because I'm an LGBTQ studies minor and that's how we usually speak.

I believe that trans men and nb people can reclaim the T slur. Mostly because reclaiming it myself has helped a lot with my internalized transphobia.

TERFs hurt trans women the most out of anyone. I usually do not say things like that but trans women are usually their main obsession. This doesn't mean that other groups aren't hurt a lot.

If you're still in the Harry Potter fandom then you're not a trans ally. You really shouldn't be putting a book series over the millions of lives being fucked over by the writer.

You will become disabled eventually. If you're ableist then I mean this as a threat.

I'll add more as they come

[americancowgirl19]

Puppet Master

Summary: Riley Biers, king from the shadows.

Warnings: angst, fluff, vampire mob shit

Reader: Female Vampire Reader

Pairings: Riley Biers x Female Vampire Reader

Word Count: 2,310

A/n: @fyeahtaylorp

Masterlist

“And what do we have here?” Aro questions, tilting his head as Felix forces the vampire he, Demetri, Jane and Alec brought back from America.

“This is one of the two vampires responsible for the newborn army in the Cullen territory, Master.” Jane tells him. “The other was torn apart and burned.”

Aro steps forward and places his hands on the American vampire. He struggles but is unable to escape Felix’s grip. Aro reads his mind. He sees his life, his death and his ‘resurrection’. He pays particular attention to the part in his memories where the Cullen boy, Edward, told the guards about this boy being his daughters mate.

“I see,” Aro whispers, pulling from him. As far as he could tell this vampire had no ability other than the fact that he is easily manipulated. For millenniums he had hoped that when his daughter finds her match they would be as useful as she is. The fact that he’s one step away from being useless is a disappointment.

His first instinct is to kill Riley before his beloved daughter ever finds him. Then, perhaps, he could find a suitable match and have Chelsea bond them together. Unfortunately, for him, the plan is just a passing thought as not even two seconds later the woman in question struts into the room.

Riley instantly senses you. He struggles even more in Felix’s grip until he can see you. Even though you’re barely in the corner of his eye, it’s enough to settle him.

“I wasn’t informed a trial was in session,” You state, your voice sounding as smooth as honey. Riley craved to hear it once more.

“Ah, my darling,” Aro greets, smiling brightly at you. You return the smile, albeit a more reserved one, as you walk to his side. “They have just returned from their mission and brought back the one responsible for all the trouble,”

“I see that,” You mutter, your eyes not sparing your friends a single glance. You stare at the kneeling man as he stares back at you. “Have you come to a verdict?” You question. Aro’s calculating eyes stare are you.

“He created a newborn army, caused quite the eruption.” Aro tells you. Your head turns to him. It only takes one look for you to catch onto what was going on.

You love your father as he loves you. The two of you worked hard to build this coven. As much as you loved him, you weren’t naïve. You knew your father’s thirst for power. You knew he would do anything to gain an inch, even if it meant hurting the ones he claimed to love.

You also knew him like the back of your hand. You didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking. Even if it had only been a few minutes since you walked into the room, you could already sense the tie binding you to this new vampire. A tie that Aro knew about. You assume, by the look in Aro’s eyes, that this vampire has no ability to please Aro.

Only vampires that were useful to Aro’s ultimate plan survived breaking the law. The only reason he’s still alive is because of the connecting tie to you. Still, you knew that wouldn’t have been enough to save him had you not arrived. 

“Well, I’ve been paying attention to the human news. I haven’t seen a single report about some demonic creature tearing apart a city in America. That means the vampire secret is still a secret.” You tell him. Aro’s lips tighten, his eyes trained on you.

You walk toward the kneeling vampire, unable to help yourself you comb your fingers through his hair enjoying how his eyes close briefly to enjoy the contact. You don’t stop walking, you pace around Felix as you continue with your second point.

“Has he had any dealings with the Children of the Moon?” You question. 

Aro shakes his head hesitantly. A pleased, yet cocky, grin lifts across your face.

 “He hasn’t exposed our secret to any human, unlike your precious Edward Cullen. He also hasn’t hunted in Volterra, that I’m certain of.” You mutter, knowing that your friends had brought him straight to the castle. “He hasn’t been a false witness to any other crime. Any immortal children?” You ask, your eyes glancing to your father as you pause by the twins.

“No,” Aro says lowly. You stare into your father’s eyes wonder if he wanted you to continue or if he was done pretending to be in charge. He remains silent prompting you to continue.

“Yes, he has caused some attention with his hunting habits,” You concede. You slowly move back toward Aro. “and yes his newborns made a mess of things. However, all the newborns are now gone and his hunting's in the future will be more... discrete,” You promise him.

“The Volturi do not offer second chances,” Caius growls from his throne. Your eyes roll as you turn toward him.

“Oh, do shut up Caius or I will have you punished for the town you drained in 1305,” You snapped, glaring at him. You and Caius spend a few moments staring each other down. A stare down you inevitably win. A small surge of pride runs through you when Caius averts his gaze.

Turning your gaze, you look back at your father. You continue to step closer to him until your just about toe-to-toe. You’re posture is relaxed but your gaze is challenging. You dare him to go against you.

“So, let me get this straight you want to kill him for a law that has been broken by everyone in this castle at least once?” You ask. “I just don’t see how that’s necessary,” You hum.

“Perhaps you’re right,” Aro states.

“Perhaps,” You hum condescendingly. “Felix, let him go.” You order. The brutish vampire releases Riley. You hold your hand out as you continue to stare at your father. Riley looks around him as he slowly stands up. Slowly, he takes your hand. “Though, is suppose to make up for his transgressions he can have a place on the guard,”

“A marvelous idea,” Aro nods. You hum, taking your gaze off of him. You send a smirk to Caius before pulling Riley out of the room.

“What’s going on?” Riley askes you quietly. You don’t answer.

You take him to your part of the castle and into your private quarters. It’s one of the largest rooms in the castle. It certainly impresses Riley.

“Make yourself at home,” You tell him, closing the door behind the pair of you. Riley turns to you after observing the room.

“What the fuck is going on?” Riley asks.

“Before I tell you my story,” You say taking a seat by the table. “Why don’t you tell me yours? It’ll be easier that way,”

You waited for Riley to begin. You understood his hesitance. When he did begin, you soaked up every detail. You managed to bite back multiple growls at every mention of this bitch Victoria. You didn’t know whether to be happy or annoyed that she’s already dead. You honestly would have liked the pleasure of killing her yourself.

“Well, I can tell you for certain that Edward was right. Victoria was using you. She wasn’t your mate.” Riley sits down in the adjacent seat.  “You weren’t anything more than a means to an end,” You tell him.

“What is this place?” He asks, looking at you. “What am I doing here?”

“This is Volterra, Italy. You are in the Volturi castle. We are the strongest and largest coven of vampires. The vampire world, like the humans, have laws. We’re the coven that enforces them.”

“And I broke your laws,” Riley states.

“Some minor ones,” You shrug. “You did nothing that nobody else in this coven has done,” You assure him. Riley frowns his eyebrows and you sigh. “Think of us as... the vampiric mob.” You smirk. With that explanation, everything starts to click for Riley. “Every vampire here serves a purpose because every vampire here - well, almost every vampire has some sort of ability. Like Edward with the mind reading and Jane with the torture,” Riley nods keeping up with you so far. “If you have value to the coven, you live. If you don’t, you die.”

“And what is my value?” Riley asks. You press your lips together.

“I’m your true mate,” You tell him not wanting to beat around the bushes. “You’re still alive simply because I want you to be.” Riley’s eyes widen a fraction. 

“You’re my mate?” Riley whispers. You nod, gently holding his face in your hand.

“And I have waited for you for over three thousand years,” You tell him.

“You’re-... What?” Riley asks. You grin laughing at his astonished look.

“I had lost faith that you would come,” You whisper to him. “I figured after all the lives I took and destroyed that I wouldn’t ever find you. I figured you had lived a human life and died long ago without me ever knowing. I never believed I was worthy of you but here you are,” By the end your sentence you had moved even closer to him. “And I will destroy this entire coven, my father included, before I allow one of them to harm you.” You promise.

“Three thousand years?” Riley whispers. You laugh kissing his cheek.

“I hope you’re into older women,” You whisper in his ear before leaning back in your seat. Riley’s quick to grab your hand before you can withdraw from him completely. You smile, interlocking your fingers with his.

“You’re father’s in this coven?” Riley suddenly asks.

“Aro,” You tell him. “He can read every thought in your mind with a single touch,” You explain. Riley instantly pictures him. “He would have had you killed had I not shown up,” You mention.

“Can you read minds too?” He asks. You smirk.

“My gift’s a little deadlier than mere mind reading,” You tell him. Riley raises his eyebrows obviously wanting to know. “I can kill everyone in this castle at the same time without lifting a finger or blinking an eye,”

“How?”

“Molecular combustion,” You tell him. “I can speed up the molecules in your body until you just burst. I can do it so fast you won’t feel a thing or I can draw it out,” Riley winces. “So, as you can see, if I want something, I get it,” You wink at him.

“What do you do here?”

“Destroy problematic vampires,” You answer shortly. “My father, along with Marcus and Caius, run the coven. I’m not into politics or power all that much. I have enough to make me happy. I have more power sitting in the background than I would on the front lines,”

“How so?”

“Fear,” You smirk. “Everyone here is afraid of me, with good reason. I’ve killed some of my fathers prized possessions more than once. It’s why the twins make such an effort to befriend me. I’ve also sped up Caius’s molecular structure enough to cause severe pain for a month straight after he pissed me off one time. They can’t control me. They can rule the coven all they wish but if I want something all I have to do is take it. It brings me great joy to watch the oh so powerful Kings of Volterra shudder in fear at the sight of me and stand by helplessly while I take what I want. Stomping on their ego is always satisfying.”

“So, even though I have no power, I will be apart of this coven?” Riley asks.

“Yes,” You nod. Riley slowly smirks.

“And since you truly hold all the power, does that make me the second most powerful vampire?” Riley arches his eyebrows. You chuckle winking at him.

“Now you’re getting the hang of it,” Riley smirks broadly. “You spent the last year being that red headed whore’s puppet but now you’ll spend the rest of your immortal existence playing puppet master with the strongest coven, hell the entire vampiric race as your puppets” You tell him.

Riley imagines his future with this kind of power. You stand up and walk behind him. Your arms circle around him and rub his chest. Your head nuzzles into his neck, your teeth nipping at his marble skin.

“Anything you want, my love, I will be sure to give it to you,” You promise him.

“Your father is the king of Volterra... but if we control him then...” You hum biting his ear seductively. 

“You catch on quickly, my dear” You whisper to him. In a flash, you come in front of him and straddle his waist. His hands instantly grab your hips. “Rule from the shadows,” You tell him. “Wil Aro, Marcus and Caius as a front all opposers and enemies will target them instead of us,”

“Surely vampires know of your power, wouldn’t they be able to figure it out?” Riley asks.

“When I use my power, I never leave witnesses outside of this coven,” You tell him. “There are only three people outside of this coven that know of my power. Edward Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, and Alice Cullen. Should word spread, I made sure they knew what I would do to those they love,” Riley smirks holding you close to him.

“Rule from the shadows, all the power we want, all the benefits, hardly any risk,” Riley mutters.

“A major step up from small town Forks, don’t you think?” You ask, tilting your head.

“Well, I certainly didn’t think this is where I’d end up,” Riley admits before getting handsy with you. You smirk, dragging your nails down his chest. “Certainly glad I did though,”

“Ditto,” You whisper, pressing you lips to his unable to hold back any longer.

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm an aromantic asexual with a trans-masc friend. We're both queer but our experiences are quite different and I'm not going to get on here and pretend like I'm the "best ally ever" or some shit but I make an effort. I really do. I listen to my friend when he complains and try my best to be and empathetic. I try and be supportive and if my friend were ever to tell me that I've said or done something that makes him uncomfortable I'd apologize and correct my behavior. I wouldn't do it again. I just wish he'd give me the same consideration.

Warning: rant incoming (Also it's 12:00 in the morning so forgive an typos or confusing sentences- I really need to get this submitted before I lose my nerve)

So, my friend and I are taking sex-ed in school- same curriculum but different periods. When I complained to him about how it's stupid that I have to take the class when most of the stuff we learn about makes me want to vomit (sex repulsion! yayyy!) he belittles me, saying that I "still need to take the class because this stuff is important" and I "never know what's going to happen when I grow up". Mind you- I've considered all this and know that I really do still need to take the class, it's just nice to be able to complain to someone. And when you complain to someone, you expect a sympathetic ear, not a lecture using some fairly aphobic arguments. Fast forward a few days and the class is discussing pregnancy. The entire class. Regardless of gender. My friend complains to me about how stupid it is that he has to learn about pregnancy because he's never going to have kids and therefore doesn't need to know this. Like. I understand that learning about pregnancy might make my friend slightly dysphoric but everyone in the class went through the same lecture. My friend would've gotten to same lesson- whether he was cis or not. (In fact, since my friend is attracted to woman there's a chance that he could be in a relationship with a pregnant s.o.- meaning there's more of a reason for him to learn about pregnancy than me but I digress.)

And stuff like this happens a lot. When I told my friend that I didn't want to be in a qpr he responded by telling me that qpr's are stupid and he could never see me being in one. I can't see myself in a qpr either but that still hurts? Queer platonic relationships are an important part of many people's aro/aroace identity and he just... calls them stupid? And then tells me he could never see me in one, which implies that he think's I'm incapable of finding any type of partner in life?? (I don't really want any type to life partner but being told that you'll never find one... ouch)

All this coupled with the fact that he outed me to his transphobic parents who think that asexuality is stupid and fake. Without my consent. Despite the fact that I've gone to lengths to keep my friends identity a secret from my parents because he doesn't want them to know. I'm terrified that his parents are going to meet mine and talk and they're going to tell them. I know coming out as aroace isn't as big a deal as any other identity but honestly, I think my parents would prefer if it I was something else. They hate the idea of me ending up alone and them finding out about my identity would probably lead to something bad, though I'm not sure what.

Of course I haven't told him any of this- partly because I'm too scared. He's my only friend and I really don't want to cause any conflict, as we recently decided to remove a really toxic friend for our lives and it was very draining and stressful. I'm scared that I'm reading too much into things or that I'm just being sensitive.

So I guess this is a rant while also being a plee for advice. I am overreacting and jumping to conclusions? Should I talk to my friend or just leave it be? Help me, aroaces of tumblr, you're my only hope.

[marvelatthetwilight]

The Secret’s Out

Part 1: The Secret

Y/N has discovered she’s mated to the Volturi tracker, Demetri, and that the Cullens kept it a secret from her to keep her safe. What will happen now they’ve met and she won’t be able to escape his tracking skills?

“Carlisle I’ve messed up. Really messed up. I need help.”

“What’s wrong? What’s happened? Where are you Y/N?” Carlisle sounded concerned and you could hear Edward and Bella in the background asking what’s going on.

“I...I’m in Port Angeles...I...Carlisle I...I met Demetri” as you hear your friends in the background, the sound of your heart thudding louder now in your head as the realisation of what had happened hit you.

“Get back to the house immediately Y/N. Edward is on his way and will meet you. Where is Demetri now?” You look in your rear view mirror to see him standing where you left him, looking towards your car, a confused look on his face, but now he’s been joined by a much taller male with dark hair.

“He’s still there. Someone is with him now though, a tall man...Carlisle, they’re walking towards the car now, what do I do?”.

“Drive Y/N, he won’t hurt you, just drive”.

~~~

Demetri’s POV

Suddenly the engine started and she was off, speeding down the street.

“Er...Dem...what’s going on? What was that all about?” Felix looked perplexed, glancing between my face and the street where I was still staring.

“I think I just met my mate Felix” I turned to look at him, my brow furrowed as my interaction with Y/N repeated in my head.

“But...she’s human...?”

“That’s not the only issue Fe, she seems to be close with the Cullens” Felix’s eyebrows shoot up with surprise.

“Oh shit Dem. You need to talk to Jane and Alec. The masters will NOT be happy with you”.

“I know. Right. We must speak to the twins.”

~~~

You pull up to the Cullen house, Edward driving in behind you having joined you halfway through your journey to be sure you were safe.

“Y/N, are you ok? What happened?” Bella said as she walked fast towards you, pulling you into a hug.

“He found my keys for me, and then asked my name, he told me he was called Demetri. There was something off about him, but then I saw his eyes and I knew.” You thought back to looking into his eyes, it wasn’t like you expected...and you understood what Carlisle meant when he said you would want to leave willingly. You felt a pull immediately, like you had to be near him, be with him, despite knowing that he was far more dangerous than your friends. You didn’t feel fear thinking about him, you felt safe, and you felt anxious being away from him now.

Edward frowned at you and you realised that he had seen all these thoughts spinning around in your mind. “Sorry Edward, I don’t know what’s wrong with me” you shook your head as you spoke, hoping to shake away these thoughts.

“It’s the mate pull Y/N, you can’t help it.” Edward smiled slightly, looking towards Bella as he spoke. “We all understand.”

Carlisle stepped forward, “we need to be prepared that Alice’s vision may have changed, but I haven’t been able to contact her since she left with Jasper, so we can’t know for sure...Demetri may come for you Y/N, you need to be prepared to possibly make the decision to go with him”.

You thought carefully about Carlisle’s statement, and agreed to think more about it. You asked Carlisle if he could tell you more about Demetri and the Volturi, and he gestured for you to follow him into his study.

Carlisle talked with you about the decades he spent with the Volturi. He talked of trying to persuade the coven members that they didn’t have to kill to feed, and whilst most members dismissed him before he even had a chance to say anything, Demetri would listen, posing counter arguments and respectfully debating. Whilst Carlisle knew he would never be able to change his way of life, Carlisle appreciated that Demetri was willing to discuss it with him. Ultimately Carlisle decided that he needed to find people more like minded, and his time with the Volturi came to the end. He reassured you that you did not hold any bad will against Demetri for his time in Volterra, but that he was loyal to the Volturi, and that should always be a concern and something that you should think very carefully about.

That night, you were kept up with thoughts of Demetri, and, despite your friends warnings about him and the Volturi, you understood from Carlisle that Demetri was potentially good, just misguided.

When you were first told about your apparent bond with Demetri, you thought it was ridiculous. The idea that you would leave your friends and everything you know and love behind for someone you barely knew seemed impossible. But since meeting him today, every minute that went by without being in his company, you felt your heart aching more and more to be with him again.

Days passed with no contact from the Volturi or Demetri. The Cullens couldn’t help but expressing their fears about how odd this was. This only helped to raise your anxiety further, your heart still aching to see Demetri again.

“Aro wouldn’t let this just pass by, his prized tracker finding a mate after so many years. They must be planning something.” Edward said confidently, having seen into the mind of Aro on many occasions previously, knowing his desire for control and power. Bringing Demetri’s mate to Volterra would be sure to solidify his bond to the Volturi more so than it already was.

No one was under the impression that your humanity wouldn’t be an issue, Bella having experienced Aro’s determination to change that first hand. “What if they’re still planning to come to us like Alice saw? That they’re hoping to decimate us, and just take what they want?” Everyone glances at each other, the possibility of truth settling for everyone.

~~~

Another week had passed, and the lack of contact confused you. You had learnt more and more about the mate bond from your friends, and believed you were experiencing the pull yourself, so why wasn’t Demetri feeling the same thing?

Demetri’s POV

Two weeks has passed since I met Y/N and the distance between us was breaking me.

An agreement had been made amongst the guard that we would deal with our mission here in Seattle, getting our Volturi loyalists on side and prepared to meet with the Cullens in a weeks time. Then, when we meet with the Masters before we travel to Forks, I will inform Aro of what has happened.

It was too late to change our plans, plans which the Masters had worked hard to organise, Aro seeing this as a perfect opportunity to add to our coven.

But that didn’t stop my heart from feeling what it feels, it ached for me to be near her, to talk to her. The thought that the next time I will see the beautiful Y/N it would be to kill her friends and take her to Volterra, whether she wanted to join us or not. It wasn’t how I wanted to start forever together, but the mate bond is strong. She will forgive me in time won’t she?

Taglist

@volturidoll13 @clearwater-hoe @like-rain-or-confetti @teampaul @fatiguing-thoughts @wallwriterstuff @moviequeen51 @awesomebooklover17 @cncogirl18 @raindancer2004 @officialfictionalwreck @megzdoodle @slasher-sweetie @evakipara @reclusive-chicken-nugget

A/N: I hope I’ve remembered everyone who asked to be tagged! There will obviously be more parts to come, please let me know what you think and what you’re hoping to see!

Part 3: Secrets and Lies