#delete in the next 5 mins probably

[halinski]

.

[harukapologist]

have a sketch of mido and haruka from yesterday :33333

[nabis-dreamscape-world]

Just finished crying my eyes out... I can not wait for my period to walk it's way out of my life.

[gyu-effect]

(tryna do) what lovers do || y.jh

"WE ARE JUST TRYNA DO WHAT LOVERS DO”

PAIRING || Jeonghan x Female Reader

GENRES || Fake Dating AU, College AU, Humour, Fluff, Friends To Lovers AU, Rich Kids AU

SUMMARY || When you had roped Jeonghan into your idea of being a ‘pretend’ couple, you did not expect the lie to grow this big. What was supposed to be a one day thing soon became a rather frequent occurrence. And the gravity of the situation did not really hit you until your parents were requesting an audience with your new ‘boyfriend’. Will the two of you be able to keep your act till then?

Or, in which, you keep promising yourself that this would be the last day you pretend to have feelings for Yoon Jeonghan.

SERIES MASTERLIST || teen, age

MUSIC || What Lover Do by Maroon 5 and SZA

WARNINGS || Joshua being a menace to the society, one mention of threesome as a joke (I really tried to keep it sfw but this was inevitable really sorry), drunk Jeonghan, a make out scene, probably very wrong elite party etiquettes (don’t come at me pls), a bit of swearing

WORD COUNT || 15k

A/N || As much as I was dying to write this fic, a lot of times I had to stop it because the flow was so bad. I hope it doesn’t affect the outcome so do tell me what you guys think about it! I would love to hear all of your opinions about it! Also for better understanding, Jeonghan’ suit was the one he wore for Don’t Lie Series Pt.2!

TAGLIST || @fragmentof-indifference @millielovescheol @jkbabiey @kokoiinuts @alyssng​ @cecedrake2217 @dr3aluv5 @romeosbreastmilk @y00nzin0      [thank you for being interested! if you wanted to be added to the series taglist or my general taglist, send me an ask!]

“Oh my god, why am I even here?” You sobbed to yourself, as you frantically turned the pages of the thick textbook, searching desperately for anything that could help you in your project. Despite being in the library for the past four hours, you had managed to write only two pages of your five page essay. You cursed yourself mentally for picking such a difficult topic in an attempt to be different from others.

“To get your degree and a job that will secure your future?” Seungkwan replied, as though he hadn’t been complaining about his own work a minute ago.

“Thanks. I wasn’t really sure before why I applied for college but now I definitely am.” You muttered, squeezing your eyes shut as you closed your laptop. As the semester was approaching the end, all the project deadlines had clogged up your calendar and you were pathetically struggling to finish everything on time. 

“You did not ask yourself this question when you were at the party yesterday.” He reminded you, causing you to open your eyes and glare at him. 

“I’ve been to a maximum of three parties throughout this entire semester minus our initiation party. How much more do you want me to quit? If I don’t let out my stress in some way or the other I’m going to combust.”

“Lies. You hate these parties and your stress busting mechanism is to go shopping with Kim Yeri.”

You raised your hands in defeat, but still stuck out your tongue at your best friend. Just because he was right didn’t mean you couldn’t complain and whine to him. 

“Speaking of parties,” he continued after shutting his laptop and looking at you, “What are you going to do about the one next week?”

You stared at him.

“Next week? What party?”

“Min Seolah’s party? She sent an invitation to you?” 

“Ah,” you said, vaguely remembering something in your inbox which you might have deleted out of anger at your pending work. “I just won’t go. Where’s it taking place? Her apartment?”

Now it was Seungkwan’s turn to stare at you.

“You didn’t go through the invitation did you?” He glared at you when you smiled sheepishly at him. “It’s an elite party. And you are expected to have an escort. In more polite terms, a date.” 

You felt your smile dip as soon as you heard the word ‘elite’. You absolutely hated these formal parties. More than boring, they were painful beyond words and talking with all the powerful delegates who were usually present there always exhausted you mentally. 

“Can’t I- can’t we excuse ourselves?”

“Our parents will be there.”

That line hit you like a truck and you finally felt the realisation sink in. “Oh my god. Oh my god, Seungkwan. I-I need to pick a dress! And shoes! And-And an escort! Where the hell am I supposed to get a date?” Even Seungkwan didn’t seem to have an answer for this. You continued your rambling as the panic finally settled in properly. “Oh god. How does one, who had next to zero social interactions outside her friend circle, manage to find a date in less than a week? And how are you so calm about this? Do you want to pretend to be each other’s escorts? Everyone knows there’s nothing between us anyways.”

“Er, about that.” Seungkwan began, awkwardly scratching his neck. “I already have a date.”

For the second time that day, Boo Seungkwan had dropped another bomb on you. You closed your mouth that had been hanging open and edged your chair closer to his suspiciously.

“Wait, what? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“It happened just right before I came into the library!” He began, clearly flustered as he was avoiding your gaze and aimlessly flipping the pages of the book in front of him (it was actually your book, a subject he didn’t even have). “Sowon just- just randomly asked whether I wanted to go with her because she thought I was cool and I was so taken aback, I said yes without even thinking-”

“Is that all it takes to ask you out? Just tell you that you are cool?” You asked, leaning back and grinning at your furiously blushing best friend. You had seen Seungkwan embarrassed (and had sometimes even been the cause of it), but to see him this shy because of some girl from economics seemed worthy to make fun of. In the back of your mind, you made a mental note to tell this to Chan. 

“Are you worried about that? Shouldn’t you be worried about your lack of date, instead?” 

“Yeah…But I’ve got to finish this assignment before.” You always had your priorities right, and getting a degree was definitely one of them. “And I’m hungry.”

“It’s almost lunch time. Want to grab something from the canteen?” Seungkwan asked, checking his watch. You nodded and both of you packed up your things, walking out into the sunlight after what felt like an eternity of being in the dark library. 

No sooner had you stepped out of the threshold, you felt a gush of wind from behind you that nearly knocked you over, but Seungkwan wasn’t that lucky. He stumbled onto the ground as that gush of wind (now identified as Kwon Soonyoung) grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up. Or rather yanked him up.

“Hey! Do you want to die?” Seungkwan yelled, as you blinked and tried to process what had just happened. Then feeling a smile tug at the corner of your lips at the sight of Soonyoung nervously apologising to Seungkwan, you gently patted the latter’s back.

“Are you okay?” You asked, his neck visibly red at the sudden tugging of his shirt collar. 

“I highly doubt you should be smiling while asking me that?”

“I- okay I’m sorry.” By now you were grinning. “Drink some water, you should be fine. And Soonyoung, why the hell did you try to knock us out?”

“I wasn’t trying to! I just wanted to surprise Seungkwan from behind but I guess I ran a bit too fast.”

“A bit?” Seungkwan was still massaging his neck. “I bet you would have told that excuse to the judges for attempted murder after getting arrested because my head got dislocated from my spine.”

“Anyways, what do you think they are serving us for lunch?” Soonyoung asked, hastily changing the subject.

Before you or Seungkwan could reply, all of a sudden you realised you had left your jacket on the chair in the library. “Uh, guys I’ll catch up with you in the mess? I left my jacket behind.”

“You don’t want us to wait for you?” Seungkwan asked but you shook your head in negative.

“It’s fine. But don’t forget to save me a seat or else I’ll steal all your tiger plushies Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung faked a look of horror, pulling Seungkwan and breaking into a run. This earned an eye roll from Seungkwan as he waved you goodbye. Giggling at their retreating figure you went back inside the library. Thankfully, it was still there and slipping into it, you quickly walked out again. 

This time when you walked out, you found yourself staring at the couple underneath the willow tree near the library. It was still full of leaves despite it being almost autumn. It was almost cute to see the couple until you remembered your own position; you had to find a date before the week ended.

The sun glared on you and you instinctively took a step back, immediately colliding with someone. The two of you let out an ‘ah!’ as you stumbled back more before you felt the person’s hands on your shoulder, stabilising you.

“I’m so sorry!” You gushed, turning back to look at the person. You found yourself looking up at Yoon Jeonghan’s equally surprised face as he helped you up. “Jeonghan, shit, I’m so sorry. I should have looked.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Are you okay? Don’t walk backwards like that, you might get hurt. Unless, you have Mad-Eye Moody's eyes.” He joked casually and you smiled sheepishly at him. 

Jeonghan was a good friend of yours; he was in your close friends circle and you thoroughly enjoyed his presence (as long as you weren’t the one getting pranked). He also happened to be smart and handsome, a plus point which made him a campus heartthrob. As you took in his appearance, you noticed he had grown out his hair a bit. A gentle wind blew against the two of you and his hair ruffled slightly, sunlight catching his face as he grinned at you.

And then, it struck you.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked, as you stared at him, your mouth slightly open. “Don’t tell me there’s sauce on my face and Joshua didn’t tell me about it.”

That snapped you back to the present and you shook your head. “Er, no. Um, Jeonghan?” 

“Yeah?”

You knew for sure he had been invited to the same upscale party as you, but you had to make sure before asking him.

“You don’t have a significant other, do you? Or maybe a crush?”

Now it was time for him to stare at you.

“Uh…no? Where is this coming from?”

“Then do you want to date me?”

Jeonghan stared at you for a good few seconds, as though trying to find out if you were joking. Immediately you realised how sudden you sounded and quickly corrected yourself, while grabbing his arm to calm him down. “I mean, would you like to be my escort for Min Seolha’s party? That is, if you still don’t have anyone?”

“Oh.” Jeonghan laughed awkwardly, before patting your hand. “But you know, you are supposed to get a potential partner as your escort. I mean…”

His voice trailed off and you dropped your hand, feeling slightly embarrassed. You were a bit disappointed, but you could understand where he was coming from and you definitely did not want to pressurise him.

“Ah, of course I understand! Forget I asked. It’s just that, I don’t have anyone in my mind right now so I thought if anyone who was comfortable with me was willing to go-”

“I’m not uncomfortable with you!” He exclaimed, grabbing your hand. “I just- I just thought maybe you would want to go with someone you like. Or…yeah, damn. You are right. Even I don’t have anyone in mind and I definitely can’t find anyone in a week.”

“If it makes you too uncomfortable going with a friend, we can pretend to be a couple.”

The words were out of your mouth before you even thought about it but it was too late to take it back. Jeonghan looked taken aback and you were going to apologise to him once more but instead he nodded at your plan. 

“Oh yeah, that sounds like a good idea. It won’t even raise any odd questions.” 

You didn’t expect Jeonghan to agree to your plan so quickly, let alone the last part so all you could was a flustered laugh. This earned a soft smile from him as he asked you, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” You lied. “Don’t tell me later on it’s a prank, okay?”

His smile fell a little as he pouted at you, immediately causing you to wince at your words. “Hey, just because I cheat at games doesn’t mean I play with people’s emotions.” 

“I know, I know. I was just joking. You are an angel, Jeonghan.” It was true though. He was a very sweet friend and always took care of those around him. In fact at get-togethers, he was always the one who made sure everyone had enough food. He helped with notes or anything related to studies. You did know that he was a really nice person, except when he was trying to be a menace to the society.

“By the way, do we have any rules or something?” He asked.

“Rules?”

“We need to make this a little believable right? Or else people are going to easily realise that we just agreed to be each other's date because we couldn’t find anyone and honestly, that’s a bit embarrassing.” 

“Yeah.” You scratched your neck, not having thought this far. What he was saying was true, if this plan backfired you both could become a laughing stock and the last thing you need in your already full plate was another lecture from your parents.” “Yeah, I think we do.” 

“Then do you want to have lunch in my room?”

“It’s a good thing you got the dorm closest to the library.” You said sarcastically, as you entered his room and finally caught your breath. You collapsed onto his sofa, mentally cursing the building planner for putting the library near the entrance of the campus and some of the boys’ dormitories at the other end. Jeonghan flopped down beside you, equally out of breath despite doing this for quite some time now. 

“Hey, it could have been worse. I could have got an apartment outside the campus and who knows, we might have still been travelling by bus just to get to my place.”

“That’s true.” You grumbled. “But in that case, we would have just gone to my dorm.” 

“I’ll need a special pass to enter the girls’ dorm.” He groaned. “I wish our college wasn’t so strict for first years. Anyways, we should-”

“Hey, have you seen my shampoo?”

A new voice came into the living room and you turned towards it, just to find yourself staring at a half-naked Hong Joshua, standing in front of the bedroom door with just a towel around his torso. You felt your cheek burn as you took in his dripping torso, muscles flexing with almost the slightest movement. At first he hadn’t noticed you but then his eyes locked with yours, causing you to realise what you were doing.

But before you could even look away, you felt Jeonghan’s hands practically slam into your face, covering your eyes from the (amazing) sight you were staring at.

“Hey!” Jeonghan yelped, his voice an octave higher as he too sounded flustered by this. “Why did you come out without checking if anyone was even there? You heard her voice right?”

“I-I- I did not expect-” Joshua stammered and you interrupted him.

“I’m sorry!” You squeaked, still recovering. “I’m sorry that I looked!”

“Uh, no. I shouldn’t have- I should- Yeah, I should just go. Catch up with you guys later!”

Once you heard the bedroom door slam shut, Jeonghan removed his hand from your eyes. You looked at him and he still seemed shocked, and even a bit embarrassed.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” He muttered, clearing his throat as he poured out a cup of water for you. You took the cup from his hand with a small thank you, glad that you had something to cool yourself down.

“No. I’m sorry. I should have immediately looked away.”

“It was sudden.” Jeonghan said, as though understanding you completely. He still seemed unable to meet your eyes, and was busy rearranging the coasters kept on the coffee table in front of you, despite them being already arranged properly. Somehow looking at the Yoon Jeonghan like this set off the devilish side inside you. 

“Does Joshua work out everyday?” You asked casually.

“He does. Not only does he have a gym membership, he also has some stuff in his room.” Jeonghan replied, without missing a beat. He seemed to have regained his composure because he smiled at you and asked, “Why? having second thoughts about me and want to go for Joshua?”

“What?” You spluttered over your water, your time to be taken aback. “I- I would never-”

“Relax, I’m just joking. If you are with him, your ears might drop because of him singing ‘Sunday morning, rain is falling’. Who knows, he probably went back to get showered on because it’s not raining today. It is Sunday, after all.”

You stared at him, trying to make which part was real and which wasn’t. Even though his smile was genuine, you had fallen for his tricks quite a few times and you knew better not to trust that angelic smile. But having a proper one on one conversation with him made you realise how convincing he was.

“Er, let’s go back to why I came here. I think we should make some boundaries so that neither of us are uncomfortable with each other and also some points which might convince people we are dating.”

“Right.” Jeonghan said, magically conjuring up a paper and pen from somewhere. “So first of all, I think we should decide on pet names.”

You paused, trying to think of something plausible for him. For some reason, the very thought of having to call him baby or sweetheart in public was making you cringe (and you were sure he would too) so you thought of something that he won't mind being called and at the same time showed your closeness.

Before you could tell him your thoughts, the bedroom door opened once again and Joshua walked out (this time fully clothed and dry). He pulled a chair and sat himself opposite to both of you, giving you an awkward smile.

“Let me apologise again. I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable or something.” He said. You shook your head, before giving him your apology too.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stared.” Joshua nodded as though accepting your apology and then pointed at the paper in Jeonghan’s hand. “What are you both up to?”

“We are dating.”

“We are pretending to be a couple”

The two of you said it at the same time, and you felt dumb. You knew Jeonghan and Joshua were best friends but you didn’t expect Jeonghan to tell him this immediately. Letting out an awkward laughter at Joshua, you turned towards Jeonghan who was looking at you surprised.

“I’m sorry, was I not supposed to tell this?” He asked and you quietly grumbled. It wasn’t that you weren’t going to tell Seungkwan either, but you thought maybe it would be after you and Jeonghan had finalised everything and you had sorted your thoughts.

“Er, it’s fine.” You said hastily as Joshua got up to leave. “I think it’s better if you could help us too.” He smiled and sat down, looking excited as though the three of you were planning to pull the greatest prank of all time.

“Joshua’s an expert in this department.” Jeonghan said, and you turned to look at him. His eyes were practically shining as he smiled innocently at his roommate. Looking at him like this, you felt a smile tug at the corner of your lips, something infectious about his childishness.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s just exaggerating.” Joshua said, rolling his eyes. “You know how to flirt as much as I do.”

“Then what do you suggest I should call Y/N?”

“To be honest, I think it would be better if you just call her by her name.” Joshua said, actually thinking hard about it. “Your voice kind of goes soft when you are talking to your loved ones though, so maybe try that instead with Y/N’s name.” 

“Hey Joshua. People call you Josh, right?” You asked very seriously, leaning towards him a bit. He nodded and you continued. “Then should I call you Shua?”

“Hey! We are deciding pet names for each other! Not for you and Joshua!” Jeonghan protested, though he was laughing at your seriousness. Joshua laughed too and gave you a thumbs up, causing you to lean back into the couch, satisfied. 

Then turning towards Jeonghan you said, “Do you mind if I call you Hannie?” 

He cocked his head towards the side as his eyes widened a little. But this time he didn’t look surprised, instead he looked genuinely curious as to why you picked that name, silently urging you to go on.

You felt your cheeks tingle with heat a little at the way he was looking at you attentively, so you quickly took a sip of your water before continuing. “Well, like Joshua said you kind of speak softly with people you are very comfortable with. So I felt…Hannie suited you a lot. I think it’s soft enough to suit you.” You said sheepishly.

“I thought you were calling me Shua?” Joshua interrupted, an evil glint in his eyes. You immediately knew he was going to pull your leg so you decided to play along. “I was joking. I use pet names only for my beloved boyfriend.”

You stressed on the ‘beloved boyfriend’ part and looked at Jeonghan. He was busy scribbling something on the paper but when he heard you accentuate that part, he looked up, eyes flicking between you and Joshua as the whole room stared at him. He looked surprised (this seemed to be the only response you could get out of him today) but nonetheless when his eyes landed on yours, he smiled at you softly.

Sunlight glided into the room through their partially open balcony, throwing light on Jeonghan and giving him almost an angelic glow. His eyes curved into half moons as he smiled at you, his long hair falling in front of his eyes a little. For the first time you noticed how delicate his features were, like he was a beautiful statue but carved in glass. 

You felt your heart stutter a little and you frowned. Looking at the glass of water in your hand, you emptied it one go. Maybe you weren’t drinking enough water? It was afternoon and it had been quite some time since you left your dorm.

“Oh, sorry! I promised you lunch right?” Jeonghan exclaimed, thinking you drank all the water because you were hungry. Before you could respond, he had already gotten up, walking towards some sheafs of pamphlets kept on their tv cabinet. “You like braised chicken, don’t you?”

You blinked at him, surprised. “How did you know that?”

“You always order that when we all eat out.” Jeonghan stated causally. He began flipping all the pamphlets, then finding one particular restaurant’s, he took out his phone and dialled the number. Was Jeonghan always this attentive?

“What about you?” You asked Joshua. He got up and sat beside you. “Jeonghan knows what I usually order. So, can I ask you a question?”

Through the corner of your eyes you saw Jeonghan slip into his bedroom. “Sure, go ahead Shua.”

He grinned at you and leaned in closer, until you could smell the faint scent of his soap. You saw his eyes change to seriousness as his voice dropped a little before asking, “Can I ask why are you and Jeonghan doing this?”

“Oh.” It was out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. Here you thought he was going to either flirt with you or let you in on a serious secret about Jeonghan but instead he asked this. You laughed awkwardly to cover up your flusteredness. What are you thinking, Y/N? You are with Jeonghan now! This isn’t the time to think about his best friend and roommate! “Ah, it’s just that we need an escort to Min Seolah’s party next week so me and Jeonghan decided to pretend we are a couple just so that we can be each other’s escort.”

“Ah, then were you open to anyone you were comfortable with?”

“Yeah, as long as the other person too was comfortable with it. It kind of just popped out of my mouth, to be honest.”

He scrunched his nose a little, as though regretting something. “I wish I was there instead of Jeonghan then.”

You blinked at his words, trying to process what he had just said. Had the Hong Joshua said he wished it was him in a fake relationship with you? Sure the two of you were friends but still, it did nothing to stop the sudden whooping feeling in your stomach.

“Too bad it was me then.”

You turned to see Jeonghan leaning against his door frame, grinning at the two of you indicating that he was joking. Immediately you felt guilt clutch at your throat. You had roped Yoon Jeonghan into your proposition of dating but here you were now, flirting with his close friend. 

Joshua, on the other hand, seemed unfazed about it. If anything, he looked amused as he leaned back into the couch lazily, studying Jeonghan’s expression.

“Anyways, they’ll deliver in half an hour's time. Come on, Y/N. We’ve got a lot to discuss.”

“What else?” He was suddenly so serious that you were taken aback slightly. 

“We need to talk about physical touch and kissing too, of course.”

“Kissing?!” 

“So did you two discuss about kissing?” Kim Yeri, your roommate, asked as you threw your face into your pillow to muffle your scream.

“No, I ran out of there before we even got started on that topic. Talking about physical touch itself was so embarrassing, I thought I would die if we started talking about kissing. He’s so serious about it. Why did I even suggest such a thing?” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, bestie.” Yeri said comfortingly, patting your back.

“I mean, he’s so nice to me. I feel like…I feel like I’m using him or something.”

“Then don’t use him. Use this opportunity to…ah, you know, get a boyfriend.” You glared at the girl sitting on your bed and she winked at you, causing you to get up and smack her lightly with a pillow.

“No way! This is just an act! How shallow am I to fall for a man who agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend?”

Yeri shrugged, as though it wasn’t a big deal. “Happens all the time in movies. Besides, Yoon Jeonghan isn’t that bad, is he? He’s funny, friendly, handsome and smart. He’s so fucking pretty too. Everyone loves his jokes and pranks.”

“Yeah, as long as you aren’t the one getting pranked.” You muttered, eyes darting to your phone. He had told you to message him once you reached and you had done, but he still hadn’t even read it yet. You mulled Yeri’s thoughts in your head. She was right, Jeonghan was pretty. You had always known that but somehow seeing him against the sunlight made you see him in a different light. Quite Literally. 

“So when’s your next date?”

“It’s not a date…” You began, but stopped when Yeri raised an eyebrow at you. “Fine, we are just going shopping to buy some ‘couple’ things.”

“Sounds like a rather cute date to me.”

“Yeri!”

How the rest of the evening and the next day passed by quickly was shocking to you (you wished time passed this quickly during statistics class but no, time and you had to have a beef with time). You had let Seungkwan into your plan and he had also sworn that he wouldn’t tell it to anyone, even if he was being threatened with not being able to drink iced americano for an entire year (a threat you were highly tempted to try out but alas, you loved your best friend too much). But he was a committed best friend. Seungkwan had even written down some points to make your relationship more realistic and you had hastily stuffed it down your coat’s pocket, so that you could show it to Jeonghan later on.

Very soon, you found yourself and Jeonghan seated on the sofa of the high end boutique near to your college, waiting for the attendants to attend to you both. You were a regular customer here due to your trips with Yeri and even sometimes with Seungkwan, so the shop assistant knew you from before. They had greeted you with their usual friendly smile they always gave you, until their eyes landed on Jeonghan, travelling down to your entwined hands.

Jeonghan had insisted that the two of you hold hands when you enter the shop, saying that it would be a practice. At first you were a bit uncertain, but then he reminded you that it was ideal for your boyfriend to take you shopping, and that shop assistants did not gossip much. You were still not sure about it but nonetheless slipped your hand in his.

His bony fingers grasped your gently as he gave you a smile, pulling you into the boutique with him. Despite his hand being cold, you felt your fingers tingle underneath his touch, a sensation you kept feeling even after he had let go of your hand. 

The attendants looked a bit too elated as they ushered you and Jeonghan into a room, telling they’ll be right back to attend the two of you.

Presently, Jeonghan was bobbing his legs beside you, both of your knees brushing against each other slightly. He seemed unfazed by this and so should have been you, but for some reason this made you hyper aware of your both’s closeness. You could smell his cologne, making you realise you had never really gone shopping with another man who wasn’t, well, Seungkwan. 

It also made you wonder whether he had done this before with someone else. He looked so experienced, the way he just casually checked over some of the items displayed, as though he had a habit of buying what caught his eyes for his significant other.

“Have you done this before?” You asked, and he looked at you confused, blinking as though asking you to elaborate. “I mean,” you said after clearing your throat. For some reason you were feeling very awkward asking him this, almost feeling the heat tingle on your cheeks. “Have you gone on a date to the boutique to buy couple clothes?” 

“Ah, no. This is my first time actually.” He said with a soft smile. You felt relief settle in you as you automatically smiled back at him, before catching yourself. What are you doing? You screamed internally, wondering why Jeonghan was so soft with you. 

You realised that the way he smiled and the way he talked to you had always given you this mad urge to melt right then and there in front of him, as though you just couldn't bring yourself to be harsh with him. True, you had yelled at him a few times for cheating (quite blatantly at that) while playing games but it had always ended in laughter and giggles, as though you couldn’t stay angry at him for long.

He gave you the urge to stare at him for hours, studying and etching his features into your brain forever, as though he was a piece you would have to sculpt later on. It amazed you that no matter how many times you looked at him, you always found him beautiful as though it was the first time you had laid your eyes on him.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the shop assistant, asking what the two of you would like.

“Can we get clothes which complement each other? Like even subtly is fine for us.” Jeonghan asked.

Hell, he even had an amazing voice. He was so well mannered that you were sure if you had met Jeonghan at one of your parent’s parties instead, you would have fallen heads over heels with him. 

“Not matching couple clothes?”

“No. Something which complements each other would be better. What do you think, Y/N?”

To be honest, you thought that was a genius idea. In that way, you could even wear the dress after your ‘breakup’, without making things awkward. Leave it to Yoon Jeonghan to sort out everything just perfectly. 

“Yeah, I think that is a brilliant idea too. Oh, we also need to pick your suit and my dress for the party.” You reminded him.

“Do you want to choose for each other?”

“What?” The question had completely caught you off guard. Wasn’t picking dresses for each other something couples did? You both really didn’t need to act as a couple too much here, so why was he suggesting it?

“We don’t have to do it, if you are feeling awkward about it.” He said gently. If Yoon Jeonghan treated you sweetly one more time, you were sure you would start smiling at him like a fool constantly. Then his eyes lit up mischievously and he leaned in, as though about to tell you his biggest secret. “But I do have a great fashion choice.”

You let out a laugh at this, amused that that was what he had wanted to say. Smiling at him you shook your head, indicating that he could choose for you.

“What’s your favourite colour?” He asked, looking at dresses hanging on the hangers being rolled in front of the two of you. 

“I like pink. Or any light shade, actually.” 

“Then how’s this one?” He pointed at one of the pink gowns that had caught your eyes previously, and you nodded eagerly at him.

“I’ll try that out!” You said as you walked into the changing room, glad that both of your tastes had aligned well. Once you were done you stepped out, clearing your throat to get Jeonghan’s attention, who was busy on his phone. He looked up and froze for a second, before his eyes darted all over your figure, checking you out with his mouth slightly open.

You felt your cheeks flush at the way he was looking at you, the way he swallowed and then smiled at you gently. Your stomach fluttered at his action, unable to stop yourself from mirroring his smile. Jeonghan got up and walked over to you, grinning at you as he cocked his head towards the side slightly.

And for some reason, that action made you feel even more giddy.

“How do I look?” You asked, sounding breathless for some reason. Embarrassed, you tried to cover it up by pretending to be excited, and twirling in front of the mirror once to see for yourself.

“You look amazing. Like really, really beautiful.”

He sounded really genuine and you beamed at him, equally happy that both of you chose a dress that suited you very well. You had been called beautiful many times, mostly by men trying to flatter you or your father, but something about the way Jeonghan said it made you shy.

“Should we choose one for you?” You asked once you came back from the changing room, eyeing all the tuxedos that had been brought in now. Jeonghan nodded and you walked over to the rack, searching for one that would bring out his delicate features more beautifully.

“How about this one?” You asked, pointing at a white coloured one. It looked like a conductor’s tuxedo and you felt that it would really go well with his long hair. He nodded and went inside the changing room, while you sat down on the couch, waiting for him to return.

“Y/N?” Someone softly called you, and you looked up to see Jeonghan smiling at you, all dressed up in the outfit you had picked for him. He was just smiling, an expression he gave you quite often and honestly it shouldn’t have had much effect on you, it really shouldn’t. You should have just smiled back, complimented him, paid for your stuff and gone out to eat a round of ice cream that you had promised him.

But instead, it had a great effect on you.

Just Yoon Jeonghan standing there and smiling at you had a huge effect on you. It made time slow down as you felt your heart hammer loudly in your chest, squeezing painfully every now and then. If you hadn't been sitting down your knees might have given away, breath gone for a second as you admired for the millionth time how beautiful he was. 

Because he really was. He looked so handsome, so pretty and so- every adjective that you could think of but couldn’t really because of how goddamned ethereal he looked right now. It was like the suit was tailor made for just him. He looked like a prince straight out from your dreams and it took you all your willpower to stop fluttering in your heart.

Realising you were staring at him for too long, you looked away immediately, releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. Your cheeks burned in shame at the effect he had on you, despite it being just the second time you had hung out with him after deciding to fake your relationship. 

You had known him for quite some time, it wasn’t like the two of you had become friends just yesterday. 

And yet, you felt like you were ‘rediscovering’ Jeonghan. Like his smile for example. Even though you knew he was pretty, nothing prepared you ever for the sudden flutters in your heart everytime he smiled at you. Or the way he smelled a bit too good, when he had come to pick you up earlier, like he had just stepped out of the shower.

“Y/N?” Jeonghan called you, jostling back to the present. His usual angelic smile was now replaced by a smirk, and you groaned internally and cursed yourself for digging up your own grave. Why did you have to stare at him like that? “Do I look so good that I left you speechless?”

“Shut up, Yoon. You look fine.” You emphasised on the ‘fine’, rolling your eyes so that he got your message but that just caused him to grin at you more.

Nope. Nope. There was no way you were developing feelings for Yoon Jeonghan. Definitely not after you knew how sinister he was and definitely not after you asked him to be your fake boyfriend. You didn’t want to inflate his ego by making him think that he could make you fall for him by just literally breathing, all the while he played the act of being your fake date.

Slowly you got up from your seat and walked past him casually, letting the shop owner know that you were ready to pay. 

You were determined to not let Jeonghan’s presence shake you. It’s just for a week, Y/N. After that the two of you can just go back to being friends and this stupid crush you might be developing will go away.

What you didn’t though, was that you were bad at predicting the future. Vey, very bad.

“Hey, I think both Joshua and Jeonghan have a thing for you. Ever considered being in a poly relationship?” Seungkwan whispered into your ears not-so-subtly.

You glared at him for this scandalous comment before quickly glancing at Jeonghan and Joshua sitting opposite to the two of you. Luckily, they both were busy with their midterm project and were discussing something while comparing notes on their laptops.

The promised ice cream ‘date’ of three days ago had to be cancelled because it had begun raining all of a sudden and neither of you wanted to get wetter than what you were when you ran into the bus stand. So you had promised to take him to the little cafe inside your campus instead, and Joshua and Seungkwan decided to tag along to act as ‘chaperones’, though you weren’t sure what they were chaperoning because both you and Jeonghan had lots of assignments left and had been planning to do your own work.

“Shut up, Boo!” You hissed, never wanting to murder your best friend more than right now. “What if they heard you?”

“What about it? Both of them know that everyone wants to have a threesome with them.”

“Have a threesome with whom?”

You turned to Joshua in horror, feeling embarrassment creep into your cheeks as he eagerly looked between the two of you. Jeonghan on the other hand looked surprised, as though not even sure what the conversation was about.

“Have a threesome with whom? Us?” Joshua asked again, his smile a bit too excited for his own good. You thought he would be uncomfortable with it but instead he looked excited about this conversation, causing you to groan as you buried your face in your hand.

“Stop acting like you don’t know! Don’t rub it on me that the two of you are more handsome than me!” Seungkwan sulked, giving his signature side eye to Joshua. But that just caused Joshua to smile more brightly at him, as though Seungkwan’s misery was his pleasure (which it probably was).

“I’m not rubbing it on you! I might be handsome but there’s no one cuter than you, Seungkwan. Right, Y/N?” You faked a look of disgust and pretended to puke over your drink. Though you wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you were even willing a fight a lion if it disagreed that your best friend was adorable and handsome (you dearly hoped it wouldn’t come down to that situation. The last time all of you went to the zoo, Minghao and Jihoon nearly pushed Soonyoung into the tiger’s den for claiming to be one so you learnt that whatever you told, your friends would try their level best to make it come true).

“Are you two flirting? Is this a double date?” Jeonghan asked, head turning between Joshua and Seungkwan as though he was watching a tennis match. 

“No way, I’m only going to date the person who calls me Shua, no one else.” 

Your eyes widened at his statement and you gulped in a huge amount of your drink, causing you to choke and violently cough. While Seungkwan and Joshua just laughed at you (you were literally dying and of course that would be the immediate response of the people you called friends), Jeonghan looked worriedly at you and reached out to gently pat your hand. You felt your breathing slowly ease down due to his action, and he grabbed your hand in his to gently rub circles with his thumb.

It was a rather small act from a friend who just cared about you. Nothing romantic or intimate at all, and yet you felt a warm fuzzy feeling grow at your heart. He smiled at you gently when you had completely stopped coughing, pouring a cup of water and handing it to you.

You were grateful for the drink and you took in a sip cautiously, your mind still wandering to the now disappearing feeling in your chest. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the waitress who came to your table, and you recognised her as someone you might have seen talking to your Applied Physics - I professor. She gave you, Seungkwan and Joshua a half-assed smile, but when her eyes landed on Jeonghan, she smiled at him in the most glamorous way ever.

“So what can I get you guys now?” She asked. Miyeon, as her name tag stated, was clearly talking to the entire table yet her eyes were trained only on Jeonghan. You saw him return her smile politely, and you felt your insides churn a little.

Because it was the same smile he always gave you. The same goddamn smile that had you feeling that you were on cloud nine, that made you shy and that same smile that made you feel special.

So he wasn’t doing it just for you? 

You never thought you would ever be jealous over something this trivial. You didn’t even like him in that way and yet, you could almost feel the disappointment clutching at your heart almost a bit too tightly.

It then hit you that the only expression Jeonghan had given you so far was either his look of surprise or a smile, but nothing more than that. Whenever he was hanging out with the entire gang or even now when it was just Joshua, you and Seungkwan, he had been laughing and cracking lots of jokes. But when he was with you all alone, all he did was smile and give you compliments, as though the two of you had just met due to a blind date set up by your parents. 

Did you make Jeonghan that uncomfortable? Was he too nice to say no to your idea back then?

But the Jeonghan you knew wasn’t a pushover, so he must have thought about it a bit before agreeing, right? You are just overthinking everything. You chided yourself. 

Your further thoughts were all stopped when you noticed everyone at the table staring at you. 

“Your order?” Miyeon asked, annoyance evident in her voice.

“Er, I would like to have your Special Strawberry Jam Sandwich. And another cup of coffee please.”

“Got it.” Then turning back towards Jeonghan, she said, “So that’s your order too? Not your regular?”

Jeonghan nodded as the word regular whirled in your brain. He visited this cafe often? Had he- had he lied to you then?

The rest of the meal passed by in a blur, with the three boys doing the most of the talking. You joined in once or twice but mostly stayed to yourself, contemplating hard on what to do next.

It wasn’t that you were crushing on Jeonghan and that was making you sad. It was more like you didn’t want him to feel extremely uncomfortable around you, seeing how he had clearly lied to you about the cafe and treated you just the way he treated any other person on the street.

Soon it was time to leave and the four of you walked out of the cafe. But before you could part ways with the boys, Jeonghan grabbed your arm and stopped you.

“I want to talk to you.” He said and you nodded, realising that it would be better if even you got all your questions cleared up. Through the corner of your eyes you saw Seungkwan take out his phone and hastily type down something, and felt your phone vibrate almost immediately after he hit the send button.

Taking out your phone you checked his message, feeling a smile tug at the corner of your lips. 

[uriboo]: if yoon jeonghan tries anything funny, just send sos. no matter where i am, i’ll kick his ass using my special kick reserved for soonyoung only.

You gave him a thumbs up and waved him goodbye, watching Joshua and Seungkwan’s retreating figures disappear round the corner. It was almost evening by now and the sky had turned a light shade of orangish pink. You stared it for some time until you felt Jeonghan tug you once more.

“Come on. Let’s talk there.” He asked, pointing at one of the benches farther away from the walking path. “No one will hear us there.” You nodded and followed him, sitting down beside him. A few moments passed as the two of you just watched students walk by, neither of you taking the lead to start the conversation.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked after some time, and you turned to look at him dryly.

“I’m…fine. Okay, I guess. Just a bit tired.”

“No…what’s wrong? Did someone say something? Did I hurt you?”

There he went again.

You turned to glare at him but the look of concern on his face was enough to stop you. He looked really worried for you, and even reached out to grab your hand and give it a squeeze. You gulped to stop the way your heart fluttered at his actions, reminding yourself of what you had to ask him.

“Why…why did you lie to me?” You asked, swallowing thickly once more so that you didn’t sound hurt. But your voice still sounded strangled, and if Jeonghan had noticed it, he didn’t show it.

“Are you talking about the cafe?” He asked gently, and you nodded slowly.

“When I said I would take you out to a new place and mentioned its name too, you didn’t tell me you already went there. The waitress mentioned that you were a regular there!” It almost sounded like you were whining by this point.

Jeonghan blinked at you once, twice and then burst out laughing. “Is that what is bothering you?”

Pulling your hand away from his, you swatted his arm lightly, feeling hurt at his reaction. “It’s not funny! I literally gushed to you about the strawberry sandwich, saying that if you tried it you would forget every other sandwich when you had probably tried it a million times before. Do you know how embarrassing it is? It's so embarrassing that I bragged about something you already knew, it makes me look like a show off.”

“Ah, but I had never actually tried the strawberry sandwich before.” He said, taking your hand in his again. “I really had never tried it before, which is why I didn’t say anything. Besides, you looked so cute when you were talking about the cafe and I really didn’t want you to stop.”

You froze a little, taken aback by his last statement. Quickly, you tried to change the subject, hoping he wouldn’t notice the sudden heat forming on your cheeks.

“I-I- Okay. I-I have a few more questions to ask, if you don’t mind. Or…you can go first about whatever you wanted to talk about.”

“Go ahead. I finished asking mine. I just wanted to know what’s wrong with you.” 

“Oh.” So it was the typical Jeonghan-cares-for-you question. “Er, are you and the waitress close? Um, what’s her name? Miyeon?”

“Not that close.” He replied nonchalantly. “She had helped me with some physics homework once, that’s all. And oh, also because I visit the cafe regularly.”

“I think she likes you.”

“Yeah me too.” He smirked when you stared at him. “Jealous?”

“Jealous of whom? You?” You countered back, keeping your expression as neutral as you could. You weren’t, couldn’t be jealous and you weren’t going to show him that you were either. He laughed at your comeback and you felt yourself smile, feeling pleased that he had enjoyed your retort. 

“Point. Miyeon is pretty. But just so you know, she had asked me today whether I could hang out with her sometime later.”

“When did this happen? What did you say?” Even though you knew Jeonghan probably said yes, you still wanted to hear the answer from him.

“I said you were my girlfriend, what else? It happened when you had gone to the bathroom and she got the bill to the table. She then even asked why were you sitting beside Seungkwan if you were my girlfriend.”

“And what did you guys say then?”

“Seungkwan said ‘bros before hoes’.”

You rolled your eyes, questioning yourself why you even thought your best friend might have given a smart answer. “Of course he did. Can I ask you one more question?”

“You are asking an awful lot of questions, aren’t you?” He smiled at you, his eyes glinting in a teasing manner.

“It’s the last one! Please, Hannie?”

It was the first time you were using the nickname and you could swear you saw him tense for a fraction of a second. Then it was gone as soon as it had come. Instead, he gave your hand a gentle squeeze, indicating you to go. You had almost forgotten that the two of you were still holding hands, and this squeeze seemed to suddenly liven the atmosphere around the two of you, as though reminding you of his presence.

“Do you…find it uncomfortable to be with me?”

His smile faltered, clearly caught off guard by your question.

“I mean, do I make you feel uncomfortable? Like…did you say yes to being my boyfriend just because you didn’t want to refuse me and make me feel bad or-”

“Why would I do that? Shit, do I act like that around you? You aren’t someone new Y/N. You have been my friend for quite some time. Why would I feel uncomfortable around you? And I didn’t say yes because I felt bad for you. We both needed escorts and that’s why I said yes.”

“Then why do you act so differently when you are around me?” You asked, releasing your hand from his grasp. “Like, like you always look like you are enjoying yourself when we are with our friends but whenever it's just the two of us, you act just so sweet and nice. That’s about it. Just- just sweet and nice. Like how you are to Miyeon.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, as though thinking before answering your question.

“It’s not that I don’t like you Y/N. And I definitely didn’t say yes because I thought you were pathetic or something. Really. It’s just that…I don’t know how this works either.”

“How does what work?” You asked, your voice much softer than you expected. Jeonghan leaned in to you a bit closer, and for the first time you saw him beyond the smiles and jokes he made. He looked tired, really tired as though this act was wearing him out too.

“I-I’m not sure what kind of boyfriend you want. I’m not sure whether I should treat you like a friend and crack jokes about the most useless thing or treat you like a princess like your boyfriend probably would. I don’t know how much to step out of the line of being friends. I don’t know what is the line that oversteps from fake boyfriend to real boyfriend. I…just don’t know what to do most of the time.”

This time, you took his hand in yours, giving them a gentle squeeze. He looked up at you and you smiled softly at him, trying to ease down all the pressure he had been feeling for the past few days. 

You were such an idiot. How could you expect him to act normally when you had just dumped a huge burden over his shoulder?

“Jeonghan…it’s okay. You are doing great, you know that? And sometimes, when I look at you, I wish I could be more like you. You don’t need to treat me as your girlfriend, really. Like I said, I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Just treat me as a friend, okay? And if you ever want to stop, just tell me. I’ll always be there for you.”

He gulped and nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact even once. Your heart gave a painful squeeze when he still didn’t look away, all of a sudden feeling that your entire surrounding had melted away.

You could only feel his soft gaze on you, almost feeling raw and exposed and yet, even you couldn’t look away.

“I would never leave you.” Jeonghan whispered, almost mumbling as he finally tore away his gaze. 

“Why? Is this arrangement proving to be useful to you too?” You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah it did help me escape from Miyeon.”

“So I’m your scapegoat now?” You asked scandalously, letting go of your hands so that you could grab him by the shoulder and glare properly. He grinned at you, back to his playful nature. You felt your heart swell by the way he giggled, the infectious laughter causing you to smile too despite trying to sound mad at him.

“Hey, aren’t friends supposed to protect each other like that?”

“Not- not- I- okay whatever!”

“Er, do you see Seungkwan?” You asked Yeri, eyes scanning the crowd for your best friend. The loud noise from the booming speaker was making it almost impossible to hear your roommate, so you turned to her, only to find yourself standing alone in a crowd of drunk bodies. You groaned internally as Yeri was your designated driver today, and you prayed that wherever she went, she wouldn't end up drunk like she had last time.

Byun Baekhyun, a senior known for his loudness and great ambition to wreck chaos wherever he went had decided to throw a party for the first years as a celebration for completing the first term without losing their sanity (which was clearly a lie; you were close to losing your mind). 

“How am I supposed to find anyone- Hey! Yuna!” Grabbing the hands of the said girl, you felt familiarity rush in when she turned to you and gave you a smile.

“Hey, Y/N. You look great. Dressed up for someone special?”

“As if. Have you seen Seungkwan anywhere? I just can’t find him.”

At this she snickered. “Seungkwan? Are you sure you are searching for him?”

You frowned at her. When she saw that you didn’t understand what she was indicating, she smiled at you and beckoned you to come closer. “Are you sure,” she whispered in your ear, the slight smell of alcohol wafting to your nose, “you aren’t looking for Jeonghan?”

You drew back from her sharply, all of a sudden feeling hot. How does she know? Does word travel that fast? Of course it does. When Yuna saw that you didn’t say anything, she let out a laugh and patted your shoulder before pointing at the corner.

Giving her a tight lipped smile, you followed the direction of her finger though you weren’t really sure whether she had pointed to Seungkwan or Jeonghan.

“Thank god!” You exhaled, when you saw Seungkwan and Chan sitting on a couch in the corner of the room, and you quickly slipped in between them. 

“Thank God for what?” Seungkwan asked.

“Nothing. Yuna’s drunk. Where are the others?” You asked, taking a sip of the solo cup Seungkwan had just handed you. You found it odd that it was just Seungkwan, Chan and you here because usually your entire gang of friends used to stick together to have fun at parties.

“Ah, that.” Chan snickered. “Your boyfriend might or might not have caused a little bit of a problem.”

“What? What happened?” You asked, turning your head to look at Seungkwan and Chan alternatively. To say you weren’t concerned would be a lie. And it was definitely not because Jeonghan was your faux boyfriend.

“Er, so Jeonghan might or might not have got his toy sword and wooden hammer with him to the party-” Seungkwan began.

“He got what?”

“You know, his toy sword-”

“I knew about his toy sword but not his wooden hammer.”

“It's for self defence against bad guys at night, apparently.” Chan added, causing you to groan. 

“What happened then?”

“I think someone made some comment about you and he decided as your boyfriend, mind you the entire college knows now, he had to defend your honour. He even gave the opponent his wooden hammer because he wasn’t armed.” Seungkwan finished, calmingly taking a sip of his drink like it was completely natural for Jeonghan to fight for your honour.

You looked at Chan incredulously and he too had the same expression. “He’s joking right?”

“Jeonghan was drunk. Like really, really drunk when it started.”

“How did he get this drunk so quickly?”

“Sweetheart, the party started an hour ago. Not everyone remembers their incomplete inorganic homework five minutes before leaving.” Seungkwan stated, causing you to glare at him.

“So where are the others?”

“Well, the challenge was made just before you came and Jeonghan went upstairs to ‘duel’. Seungcheol, Mingyu, Minghao and  Seokmin followed him upstairs to stop him while the rest followed him to egg on him.”

Chan got up, followed by you and Seungkwan. “We were just waiting for you. I bet your lover boy is dying to see your face.”

“Shut up Chan.” Your face was practically burning by now. But this was what you had wanted, right? To make everyone think you both were a couple? “Please tell me we are going upstairs so that both of you can join the team that stops him and not eggs on him?”

Seungkwan gave you a dirty look. “How low do you think we are? Of course we are going to egg him on.”

“Fucking hate you all.”

Luckily, upstairs wasn’t that crowded but it still took the three of you some pushing around to reach the centre. The scene that met your eyes nearly turned you blood cold. The other guy, you recognised him as a senior from your major, had Jeonghan on his knees as he gripped his shirt collar. He was yelling profanities at Jeonghan, but he was too out to even listen to him. You saw that his lip had split open and his right eye looked bruised.

“Why aren't you stopping him?” You hissed to Seungcheol. You noticed that even though all your friends were there, none of them were cheering for the fight to continue. In fact, they all looked scared now

.

“We can’t. He’s a senior and he said- he said if we stop him then he’s going to hurt Jeonghan more!” Seungcheol himself looked terrified and you gritted your teeth angrily. It was true. If a senior ragged you, there was nothing you could do except accept your fate.

You heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh; loud, and both you and Seungcheol turned to see Jeonghan on the floor, the senior’s hand balled in a fist. At that moment, something snapped inside you and you found yourself walking towards him.

“Y/N, wait-” Seungkwan began worriedly but it was too late. Everything happened so fast but all you vaguely remembered was yanking the senior by hair and landing a slap on his cheeks. Since he was drunk that slap was enough to cause him to lose his balance, and you just shoved him into the ground.

Turning around, you picked up Jeonghan’s sword and hammer before turning to the groaning boy. Gently tugging one arm over your shoulder, you tried pulling him up. It was a bit hard, considering he was drunk and hurt and using you completely as support, but then his weight lightened on you and you turned to see Joshua slinging his other arm around his neck.

“Let me help you.” He muttered. The crowd parted away easily and before you knew it, the three of you were outside. It was a bit hard dragging Jeonghan all the way to the dorm and the only reason you managed to do it was because Joshua was bearing his maximum weight. 

Finally, you reached their room and pulled Jeonghan onto his bed. The two of you sat down beside him, trying to catch your breaths. Glancing at Jeonghan’s resting figure, you felt your heart clench painfully. 

Moonlight streamed into the room, lighting up his face in an almost angelic glow and yet the blows he had received were painfully visible.

“Thank you.” You heard Joshua mutter, and you looked up at him. He too was looking at Jeonghan sadly, as though he had been punched too. Then he looked at you and gave you a soft smile. “Thank you for stepping up.”

“It’s nothing.” You huffed. “I just did what I had to do for a friend. I’m not blaming you guys though!”

“Still. It was a really brave thing to do. But are you sure about that?”

“About what?”

Joshua leaned in until your faces were just a few inches apart. You tried backing away but the headboard hit you and you were left with no space to move. He smirked at you before speaking. 

“Are you sure about Jeonghan being, you know, just a friend?”

You stared at him with your mouth slightly open, slowly thinking of what he had said.

Jeonghan was a friend, right? You had come in terms with him a few days ago and had convinced yourself that he was a friend. You would step into a fight for any of your friends, right?

A groan from beside you interrupted your thoughts and both of you turned to see Jeonghan staring at you with half opened eyes. 

“Y/N.” He whispered your name with a small smile, wincing almost immediately when the cut on his lips stung. His eyes travelled along your body before it landed on Joshua. He frowned at the said man, as though trying to comprehend something.

“Joshua.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

He blinked several times before staring at something between the two of you. Then he tried getting up by propping up his elbows which gave away immediately, causing his head to land on your lap instead. You stiffened at the closeness but figured he was too drunk and hurt to even overthink this situation.

“Why are you two always so close? Everytime I’m gone, the two of you are almost always together.” He sounded almost hurt. You tried making sense of what he meant by that but Joshua just laughed.

Getting up, he said, “I’ll leave the two of you alone. If he tries something, call me. I’ll be in my bedroom. Oh also, try thinking about what I told you before.” Giving you a wink, he exited the room, closing the door behind him.

“What did he tell you?” Jeonghan asked, turning on your lap so that he was facing you now. His hair was sticking to his forehead due to the sweat, the jet black colour appearing almost dark blue under the moonlight. You hissed when you saw his wounds up close, gently brushing his hair away from his face.

He caught your wrist as his eyes fluttered open, staring at you before repeating his question. “What did Joshua tell?”

“Nothing, you idiot. Jeonghan, why the hell did you get into a fight? Do you know where you keep your medicines? I’ll get them-”

“No.” His grip on your hand tightened as he brought it over his chest, clasping it with his both hands now. “He made fun of you.”

Maybe it was the way he said it with so much hurt in his voice or maybe it was the way he looked like a prince underneath the moonlight, but you felt your breath catch your throat. Your heart gave a painful squeeze and then stuttered, as you watched his gentle features stare back at you softly.

It felt like time had stopped as you stared at Yoon Jeonghan lying on your lap, realising how beautiful he was. And no, it wasn’t like the other times you had realised it. This time, it felt painful, as though he had sucked out all your breath and had caused your heart to swell with this overwhelming emotion. 

It made you feel good, and you felt yourself craving for that feeling more.

“That doesn’t mean you’ll get into a fight with everyone. Look how hurt you are, Hannie.” You whispered softly. To be honest you weren’t sure why you were whispering, but as you gently stroked his hair with your free hand, it felt right talking to him softly.

He let out a harsh breath as he slowly raised on hand towards your face, causing you to freeze. You felt his fingers ghost your lips, and you almost leaned in to feel his touch. You felt your stomach lurch when your eyes met his, that feeling in your heart growing stronger as he refused to touch you yet.

“Love it when you call me that.” His voice had dropped an octave, and you nearly let out a squeak at his sudden sultry voice. Finally, you felt his long slender fingers grasp at your chin and his thumb brushed against your lips, giving you the contact your body was almost burning for. Your eyes fluttered close as he gently ran his thumb over your lips. “Love it so much I would give up ‘most everything to get you to call me that.”

You are drunk. He’s even more drunk. What do you think you are doing?

Your eyes snapped open at that realisation and you jerked away from his touch, his hand just falling limply to his side.

“We are drunk, Han- Jeonghan. We shouldn’t- I shouldn’t be doing this to you.” You told him as softly as you could, gently sliding his head off your lap onto the pillow. He had fallen asleep and now the only sound in the room that could be heard was his breathing; and the abnormally loud hammering of your heart. 

Slowly, you covered him with his blanket and kept his toy sword and hammer beside him before you snuck out of his room. Then closing the door behind you, you rested your back against it, taking a moment to catch your breath and calm down your racing heart.

If you weren’t sure about it before, you definitely were now. It was glaringly obvious to you, no matter how much you tried to push your feelings away.

You were in love with Yoon Jeonghan. 

It’s fine. You thought to yourself. I just need to pretend I don’t have feelings for him until tomorrow. Once we go about our own ways, I can bawl my eyes out to Seungkwan.

“Miss?” The maid asked cautiously, and you looked at her annoyed, silently asking her to go on. “Your escort, Mr. Yoon, is here.” 

Wordlessly you got up, glancing at the mirror one last time to check your gloves and hair. Annoyance creeped into your features when you realised it didn’t even matter actually. Then you walked out of your house, making sure you shut the door behind you with a bang.

Walking out into the garden of your parent’s manor, you saw Jeonghan waiting for you, leaning against the limousine. His face broke into a grin when he saw you approaching, but it faltered when he realised you weren’t exactly smiling back at him.

“Hey.” He said, as he opened the door for you to enter.

“Hi.” You said curtly, bunching up your gown in the most careless manner and getting in the car, shutting the door before he could. He wordlessly got in through the other side, indicating the chauffeur to start.

A few minutes of silence passed before he spoke.

“Is…something wrong?”

You turned to glare at him, expecting him to look annoyed at your annoying attitude. Or even confused. But instead, he looked concerned.

Immediately you felt bad at being angry at him for something he didn’t even do. 

No. It wasn’t that you felt bad, it was more like his worried look had thrown you off your anger, feeling tears sting your eyes instead now.

“You can tell me about it. Or you don’t have to. But I’m all ears, anytime you need me.” Gently, he took your hands in his and gave it a squeeze, smiling at you softly. 

“I- Just- You look good today.” You choked out, trying to change the subject without looking too pathetic in front of him. How down bad were you for him that one worried glance caused you to break the dam of emotion that had been building up since morning.

But it was true. He did look good. The suit made him look more ethereal, and it did nothing to stop your heart from accelerating at that speed. 

His lips pulled into a smile, You noticed that his lips had almost healed, and the cut couldn’t really be seen unless you stared at it (which you definitely weren’t; because why would you stare at him?) 

“What can I say? I’m so pretty that I look good at everything.”

“Or I have a great choice of clothing.”

Jeonghan laughed and counter argued, but you were too busy staring at the way he laughed to listen to his banter. The way he displayed his teeth every time he smiled and the way his eyes crinkled at the corner when he laughed seemed to be pulling at your heartstrings. And the fact that he was gently rubbing circles on your hand with his thumb, sending electricity through your arm.

“I could help lighten whatever’s causing a frown on that pretty face of yours.”

His flirty comment brought you back to the present, quickly turning your head away to stare at the buildings speeding past the two of you instead. You felt the bitterness come back but it was much less than before as Jeonghan had helped you feel much light hearted.

“You’ll see once you reach there.” You muttered, and through the corner of your eyes you saw Jeonghan nod. The car came to a halt in front of a mansion, indicating that you had arrived at your destination.

“Y/N this is your last chance.” Jeonghan said. You blinked at him in confusion. “This is your last chance to change your partner to Joshua.”

Suppressing the laughter threatening to escape from you, you pretended to think. “Well…so far it’s still a no. But if I see Shua looks more handsome than you…then well, I can’t guarantee you I’ll be sleeping with you tonight.”

There was a rule of elite parties that required couples to sleep in for the night, which was why you had wanted to choose a familiar face in the first place.

Jeonghan pouted at you and you laughed, but immediately caught yourself when you felt your heart flutter. You couldn’t let this feeling grow. The two of you were just actors in a play and actors could never fall in love with each other.

Two of you walked over to your assigned room and only then did you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. You had met just a few people on your way here and the two of you had responded to all of them with small smiles, and you were greatly aware of Jeonghan’s arm around your waist.

“What do you want to do now?” Jeonghan, already lying down on the double bed. You narrowed your eyes as he kicked off his shoes and wrapped the blanket around himself. “What?” He asked when he saw you. “I’m tired, okay? Just wake me up half an hour before the party starts so that I can look a bit more presentable.”

“Okay? I, uh, I’m just going to look around, okay?” Saying that, you switched off the light for him and slipped out, wondering where you should go next. You vaguely remembered a fountain in one of the gardens from the one time you had come here with your parents and decided to search for it.

It took you some time but eventually (after a lot of checking through balconies whether it was the correct side of the garden) you managed to find it. But as you reached there, you saw someone already seated on its edges. You couldn't make out who it was, so you decided to leave. You stopped on your tracks and took a step back, only to step on a twig.

The twig snapped with a loud thwack! which was heard loud and clear in the silent garden. The boy sitting turned to look at you, his expression changing from shock to happiness as he recognised you.

“Y/N.” Joshua greeted you, patting at the stone beside him. “Come and join me.”

Knowing you were trapped, you had no other option but to go and sit down beside him. Not that you didn’t like his companion but you really didn’t want to lash out your anger at another innocent soul.

“Hi.”

“You look pretty.” Joshua commented, to which you just smiled. The words that he had told you yesterday seemed to ring in your head now. Did he mean this? About your feelings towards Jeonghan?

“Joshua?” You asked, clearing your throat. “Yesterday…what did you mean by that?”

“It’s no fun if I tell you. Did you think about it?” The familiar mischievous glint was back in his eyes. 

“I did…a little.”

“Then you know what I’m talking about-”

“I don’t like him.” You cut him off and then upon seeing his amused look, you added, “Not in that way. He’s just a friend who agreed to help me. I don’t have feelings for him at all.” 

“Well…everyone can tell you both are perfect for each other. No one even doubts for a second that the two of you aren’t.”

You just sighed, fluttering your eyes close as you let the night breeze calm you down a little. It’s okay. You thought to yourself. Everything will be okay once he isn’t pretending to be your boyfriend anymore. Once he is gone, these feelings would go too.

Yes. That was it. Maybe you were too immersed in your role of pretending and had let your emotions take control of you. Maybe you had thought that pretending to have feelings for him would make this much easier on both of you.

A small part of you kept screaming that lying to yourself won’t change this situation, but that didn’t stop you from saying your next line as you opened your eyes to look at the man sitting next to you with a smile.

“There’s nothing between the two of us. We are just…tryna do what lovers do.” 

You remembered how Jeonghan had used you as a scapegoat to turn down Miyeon. Yes, that was the main purpose, wasn’t it? This whole relationship was built on a lie, just meant to be used and thrown for such situations.

“Joshua? Y/N?”

You froze at the familiar voice and judging from Joshua's expression, even he wasn’t expecting it. You turned back to see Jeonghan looking at the two of you. He was smiling but there was something off about it. 

Joshua got up and walked up to him, before leaning in to whisper something in Jeonghan’s ear. Then waving you a goodbye, he walked off, leaving you and Jeonghan all alone. Jeonghan came and sat down beside you, though he maintained a little distance.

“Did you- did you overhear our conversation?” You asked, confused at this sudden change in behaviour.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “What’s there to overhear? I already know that. I already know that we are doing this for show.” He spoke curtly and you frowned.

Did you hurt him by any chance? But what you said was the truth, right?

“Are you okay? Did I say something?”

He let out a hollow laugh, before forcing a smile at you. “No, it’s not you. It’s all my fault really. It’s all my fault that this is happening and I’m sorry about it.”

“Jeonghan, you are acting weird.”

“Says the one who wouldn’t explain why she’s been mad the entire evening.”

“It’s my parents, okay?” You snapped, getting up and standing in front of him. He seemed taken aback by this sudden outburst but at this point, you really didn’t care. “They aren’t even coming today! All this drama I went through, all this stupid worry I had in my head at the end of the day meant nothing! I only agreed to come to this party because my parents would have been there but of course they decided to go to Switzerland today itself without telling me! 

I wouldn’t have even bothered asking you to be my escort if it weren’t for them. We would have been leading our own lives quietly but now I'm in this mess with you because of this stupid party! It’s so hard to play pretend that sometimes I just wish you would disappear!”

The last line slipped out of your mouth before you had even realised and you only stopped yourself when you saw Jeonghan’s expression.

You had stepped out of the line.

“I- I- Okay, I didn’t mean you to disappear! I mean, not because of that.”

Jeonghan wordlessly got up, his face all of a sudden so cold that you almost could hear your heart break. How could you do this? How could you do this to him? His eyes which usually used to hold a million emotions that you would associate with happiness were now empty as they stared back at you with contempt.

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it almost immediately, as though figuring out it was better to keep quiet than argue with you.

“I see. Well, I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable Y/N. I’ll leave for now but don’t worry, I’ll still pretend to be your escort for today. And then you don’t need to hang out with me that much in college. A week later, or wherever you feel like you don’t need me at all, we’ll just break up. Okay? I’m sorry for everything. Like I said, it’s all my fault.”

With that he walked away from you, your attempt to grab his sleeves fruitless.

“Jeonghan, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!” You yelled after him, but he didn’t look back at you even once. “I’m sorry, Jeonghan! I really am!”

You felt tears sliding down your cheeks as the frustration that had been building up finally broke through you. 

“Yoon Jeonghan! Do you even remember what happened yesterday?”

At this he stopped and turned back to you. His mouth fell open at your teary face but he didn’t take a single step to approach you.

“I’m asking you! Do you even remember what happened yesterday?”

He looked unsure how to answer that. After a while, he took a gulp and replied a soft ‘no’.

You closed your eyes, feeling the tears continue to flow. 

It hurt. It hurt so much that you wished your heart would stop beating. Maybe then, you would stop loving Jeonghan. Maybe then you would be able to move on from this relationship easily.

“What happened? Did I do-”

“Just leave, Hannie. Just leave.”

You saw him wince when you called him that but by now you were too tired to care, opting to sink onto the ground instead of dealing with what was in front of you. 

It had been a week. Exactly a week without texts, a week without meeting up with Jeonghan unless it was your entire friend group, a week without holding hands and a week until you finally called him.

You had thought that maybe doing all of this would completely remove him from your head, that it would be much easier to move on by pretending that your feelings were because of being so close to him.

But if anything, your love for Yoon Jeonghan had seemed to grow. He was the only thing in your mind constantly as you thought about his antics and jokes. You missed his smile and the way he would hold your hands gently. You missed everything about Jeonghan but there was nothing you could do about it, especially not after how the two of you had very obviously fucked up your friendship (neither of you had even attended the party after that; the two of you just claimed that you were tired and left).

Not that anyone even noticed. Everyone still thought you two were a couple, and it took all of your willpower not to burst into tears whenever someone mentioned Jeonghan in front of you. Of course, Seungkwan knew. And you were sure Joshua knew too. But apart from that, no one had even questioned why the air seemed so stale whenever the two of you were together.

Which brought you to your present call.

“Hello?” A groggy voice on the other side of the line had you nearly jumping off your bed, as you grabbed the phone delicately near your ear, as though you might have been hearing things.

“Uh, hi. It’s me, Y/N.” Your heart still raced at the sound of his voice and you hoped you didn’t sound as squeaky as a twelve year old talking to their crush for the first time.

A pause.

Then he chuckled. “I know, I can see your caller ID.” 

Jeonghan had acted nonchalantly with you in front of everyone, like you hadn't just hurt his feelings by asking him to disappear. But you had thought that maybe he would be different when the two of you were alone, cold and distant since you had practically thrown his kindness onto his face.

“Hahah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I forgot.” You muttered, embarrassed at the way you were acting. Your cheeks were feeling hot and you were glad that he couldn’t see you know.

“So what do you want?”

The words were like a slap to you, but you knew very well that you deserved that. That’s what your relationship had boiled down to. Just to fulfil each other’s needs.

“Um, my parents know about us.” You muttered.

“What?” He asked, as though he hadn’t heard you clearly the first time. You could hear the slight rise in his voice.

“My parents…they know about us and…you know how dating is in our world. They think I’m seeing you as a potential life partner for later on.”

“Do you want me to come over?” He asked softly, and something inside you broke.

“I- I- don't know what to do Hannie.” you felt tears stream down your cheeks. “I don't want you to think that I’m using you, not after what I told you. I shouldn’t even be asking you to cover for me anymore. I hate myself for that so much. But I really don’t know what to tell my parents-”

“Hey.” He hushed you. “I’ll be there, okay? When do you want me to come over?”

“Can you- can you come over for lunch?”

“I’ll be there for sometime before lunch then. Just wait a little, okay?” 

True to his word, Jeonghan showed up to your house half an hour before lunch time. The minute your maids had informed you that he was here, you had rushed downstairs to pull him into your bedroom without your parents noticing.

Locking the door behind you, you leaned your back against it to catch your breath. Your eyes flicked up to meet his worried ones, and you felt the familiar warmth rush back to your chest. 

“Jeonghan I-” You began but stopped when he held your hand that was clutching his sleeves. You thought he was trying to remove it but instead clasped it in his both hands. The huge apology that you had prepared in your head vanished, and all you could was stare at him with tears pricking your eyes once more.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” You whispered, your voice almost broken. Finding yourself alone with him for the first time after the incident seemed to have done something to you. All you could think of was getting him back. “I’m so sorry for all the things I told you.”

He stared at you for a few seconds, before dropping his eyes to your entwined hands. “It’s fine. It’s my fault you felt like that-”

“I wanted you to disappear because everytime I’m with you, I feel like I’m failing to just pretend you are my boyfriend.” You cut him off, taking a step closer to him. Your toes were now brushing each other’s and he looked up at you confused, as though he could not believe what he had just heard.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “I know- I know that you might hate me after this because I’m- because I’m just misusing your goodness. But I’m in love with you Hannie. I like you so much that it drove me crazy trying to keep things the way it was between us. I had hoped maybe that after our fight I would forget you but instead I kept wanting you more. And I hated the fact that I hurt you. I hated-”

“Shh.” He whispered, taking both of your hands in his. He jerked you closer to him, until your noses were just a few inches apart. You were so close to him that you could smell the cologne lingering on him and see the black flecks in his soft brown eyes. His warm gaze was turning your knees to putty and you grasped his hand more tightly to steady yourself. “Don’t- Don’t ever say that, okay? Because I love you so much I can’t bear to see you crumbling like this, hating yourself for something that wasn’t even your fault. I love you so much that it’s okay if you don’t want me if I’m hurting you or making you uncomfortable.”

Taking a deep breath in harshly, you blinked at him as you tried to clear your brain.

Jeonghan…loved you too. He loved you.

When you didn’t say anything, Jeonghan covered the little distance between the two of you by pressing his lips against yours. You felt yourself melt into his touch, hands now clutching his biceps to steady yourself.

He pushed you against the door to press against your body better, his hands squeezing your hips gently. Jeonghan’s lips were soft against yours, kissing you feverishly as though you might disappear if he stopped to even catch his breath. 

You felt all rational thoughts leave your body when your teeth accidentally grazed against his lower lip, causing him to groan in your mouth. One hand cupped your cheek, tilting your face to get better access to your lips. 

His frantic kisses moved towards your ears, starting from the corner of your lip, to your cheek and finally to the soft skin right below your ear.

“Hannie.” You whispered softly, gripping his hair tightly as he sucked on the soft skin, kissing, biting and licking the same spot. You realised that the only thing supporting your jelly legs was the door and his grip on your waist, but you couldn’t even tell him to stop because of the euphoric feeling in your heart.

God, you loved him so, so much.

You tugged at his hair gently, causing him to stop doing what he was doing to look at you, and you threw your arms around his neck to pull him into a hug. He didn’t even falter for a second and immediately wrapped his arm around you, engulfing you in his warmth.

“I love it when you call me Hannie.” He whispered, kissing your ear softly. You felt yourself smile, giving him a squeeze as you felt your heart might explode out of happiness. 

“And I love you.”

Pulling away from him, you mirrored his smile, his soft gaze making you feel giddy like always. “But Hannie..” You began, and he cut you off with a quick kiss on your lips. 

“Hmmm?”

“I had really wanted to dance with you that day.”

“Is that so?” He hummed, his eyes shining with the familiar devilish glint. “Then should we dance after I tell your parents you are officially my girlfriend?”

A/N: Please do tell me what you think about this story!! I worked really hard on it and I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on it~ Comments and reblogs are appreciated!    

© 𝐆𝐘𝐔-𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑  

[psychelis-new]

Personal Readings

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-> Send these things in one single ask (NO DMS): - your question [just 1 question; if you send more I'll decide which one to answer to- no health; no 3rd party situations; no celebs/crushes/people you "know" but have never directly interacted with irl (you can ask about your destined people as fs/fp or future friends/colleagues); no 18+]. - send a short feedback (5 lines min.) on ONE of my pacs (list in the pinned post): tell me how it resonated or didn't for you and/or why did you picked that topic among the others and if it has a special meaning for you... anything you feel like. You can also suggest me a pac topic to develop next - add 2 random emojis

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OPEN UNTIL FRIDAY MAY 19th 2023, 10:00 PM GMT All the asks coming after this closing time will be deleted.

[kittybug99]

tiktok has ruined facebook for me. they always get me with those stupid reels now and every time I got to check to see if my friends/loved ones have posted anything that I want to see I get sucked in by those stupid videos. I'm always like, oh I'll just watch this one that looks silly and cute and then I keep clicking and I realize I've been watching for an hour. SO i say "oh i should stop after this next one" and then I don't and then it's been 2 hours and now I need to start thinking about what to eat for lunch and don't have time to sit down and focus on homework anymore. and then after lunch i start working on homework and then I'm like, oh i just sat down, let me check facebook real quick just catch up if anythings happened. and facebook has gotten very insidious about ads as well these days, i have to scroll through like 10 different ads just to see a single post from someone I actually know/follow on facebook. and of course I will end up scrolling past those stupid reels and click on one. I tried to train myself out of it. I tried to train myself to click on one and then immediately close it. It didn't work. Anyway, i remember during the 2020 election I got paid to participate in a survey that required me to not use facebook for 4 months. and I think that that was like, the happiest I'd been. I mean, I would have my partner check my page to make sure that no one tagged me in anything I should see (family photos, pics of my nibling, important family updates, etc)

anyway, short story long I installed an extension (limit, i think) that will limit you to a preset number of minutes for any website and it has some set in right away like facebook, reddit, etc. the issue with this is that it's wayyyy to easy for me to turn off. Also the presets were un-deletable. and it considered literally anything that wasn't google itself to be a distraction (even Canvas... the school app). so the best I could do was set the limit really high for every website that wasn't a distraction. this failed because all too often i would say "oh i deserve a lil break" and disable to extension to check facebook for "just 5 min" which would immediately turn into 4 hours of reels.

I realize that I should probably state that I deleted facebook from my phone like 2 years ago because this was an issue on my phone. Like I would open my phone and immediately go to facebook, so i deleted it from my phone and from thence forward facebook was exclusively a computer experience.

Anyway, I've looked into countless ways to disable reels from facebook, but every blog claiming solutions says that reels don't exist on desktop mode, so just delete facebook from the phone and only use facebook on your computer. yeah I already did that buddy. years ago. but reels in fact do exist on desktop mode. anyway, i installed a new extension that just fully blocks facebook completely between hours that I set (1am-midnight), and I didn't look into how to change the hours or disable it.

I didn't realize how much of my facebook checking was just muscle memory. every time i even slightly lose focus on my homework i just open a tab and type "f" without thinking

now i get a little blank screen that says "facebook is disabled between the hours of 1-24, which snaps me out of it, and I can usually re-focus pretty quickly.

Anyway, everyone on this planet who has been subjected to whatever dystopian media thing we have going on has had their attention span stolen from them and we deserve better

[userhobi]

.

[kittehkwrites]

Cranky

Summary: Erik does not understand the importance of nap-time. 

Warnings: Fluff, dad!Erik, Soft!erik

Before your son was born you thought you’d be the mother of a momma’s boy or somethin... Boy were you wrong.

From in the womb, your baby boy would only calm down at the sound of his father’s timber voice.

“Aye lil man, yo momma’s tired right now and you doin all that kickin is keeping her up.” He’d say all serious but you couldn't help but smile at how he was acting and he followed on with “i’m gonna need you to bring it down a few notches” At that, your son would kick back at his father’s hand and the look on Erik’s face was too funny.

it had your stomach shaking and the little boy inside you pushing his hands and feet inside of you so that you could both feel and see his clear displeasure at being told to relax.

“Don’t get fresh lil boy.” You had to let a little ‘oop’ out when his voice got deeper and your thighs clenched up since it’s been a while. Ain’t his fault, the doctor just said to lay off it since the last time you guys went “a bit rough” and they didn’t want to chance an early birth.

The baby relaxed the same way you did when he used his authoritative tone.

“That’s right lil man.” He said after feeling the baby calm down at his command. He was smiling at you when he caught your eyes and you smiled back when he started to caress the bump caring your “future prince” as he’d always call him, since Erik stated he was the King and you’re his Queen so ‘lil man’ is the prince.

“Erik. You better make it up to him before he takes it out on me.”

“You lucky.” He said with a look like ‘what you think this is?’ But he saw your stern face and he remembered the nights of discomfort increasing since the baby was getting closer and he didn’t like you being in pain or uncomfortable during what was supposed to be a beautiful moment so he did what he could in hopes it’d pacify the baby for the night.

“Aye baby boy”- you always thought it was cute when he said that-” you know daddy loves you, right?” He pulled back from the close proximity to your stomach, waiting for the little hand or footprint to press against his large hand.

“Right?” He would look to you and you’d rub your underbelly to get the baby to respond to his now pouting father. You're convinced your baby inherited his attitude from, which would mean he’d be bratty from time to time because they can’t handle restrictions to their freedom.

“Come on baby boy. Daddy’s out here pouting”- He shoved you a bit and you just let out a bit of a scoff before continuing- “and momma can’t sleep with y’all fighting at each other” A little more rubbing and your little boy was pushing out his foot to meet the spot in which both you and your husbands hands were sat on your underbelly.

“I love you lil man. Can’t wait to meet you when you get here.” And with that, he’d put a little kiss on your belly before coming up to you, hands still on your stomach and fingers still brushing against the stretch marks that laid on the sides of your belly, and give you a soft kiss that gave you the same sparks as the first time you both kissed.

“I love you too baby.” He said before pecking your lips “don't forget it.” He said before turning off the bedside lamp and then laying behind you before letting sleep take over the both of you.

That was approximately 8 months ago.

The baby is now 6 months and your husband was a damn hog.

“Erik! Give me my baby!”

You and your husband have been playing an impromptu game of hide-and-seek with you son, Erik initiating the game after you wanted to put the baby down for a nap before heading to your parents house for family day.

“He’s mines too” He’d call out quickly before turning back to your son in his hands, continuing to make faces at the little boy and getting squeals of joy from the little body.

“Not for long you shit!” You huffed out as you started to make your way up the stairs, following the baby laughs. You were just tired and your husband wanted to annoy you, as you were convinced no man would keep the baby up for this long and not want to pass off their child to the mother. 

“He needs to sleep or else he’ll be cranky and I already have to deal with you! I don’t need to be dealing with the both of y’all at once, plus my family members coming up to me afraid to ask you what’s wrong or tell me how to raise my baby!” You continued, finally approaching the two bodies located in your husbands office. 

He gave you a look as he saw your slightly angered and annoyed expression, but he didn’t care. 

He had has lil man and his momma could stay mad, he thought.

“Babe. It’ll be alright. He don’t give no trouble, right lil man? Tell yo momma to go lay down before she pops a vessel.” He said in that ‘baby’ voice that annoyed the crap out of you but you couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow up at the nonsense spewing from your husbands mouth.

So you nodded your head, went over to the baby and checked his diaper before kissing him on the forehead and making your way out of the room.

He don’t even know.

Just as you said, so it happened.

You guys reached your family gathering and guess what happened within the first 20 minutes of greetings from aunts, uncles, grandparents and such?

If you guessed a cranky baby, then you were very right.

“Baby?” You ignored your husband who now had his signature stoic expression placed on his face, but it slowly formed into a confused scowl at the jerky limbs and loud hollering coming from the sleepy child who, may I remind you, ‘don’t give no trouble.’, according to your big headed husband.

“Baby? Your so-”

“-oh now he's my son? i thought you had that covered? Correct me if i'm wrong but didn't you say he didn't give any trouble?” You were making sure he’d hear the judgement in your voice at his foolish comments made earlier. 

“Yea bu-”

“-but nothin. Handle it before he ‘pops a vessel’” You said before seeing one of your favourite cousins and going to them, leaving your husband in a state of confusion while your son just wanted to sleep.

This went on for another 15 mins before your cousin and a couple other relatives came over and asked what erik did to the baby.

You simple said “He wouldn’t let me put the baby down for a nap.” which resulted in a few head shakes and inhales from the surrounding bodies, knowing that a nap could be the best thing for the baby and the parent.

“Girl go help that man. He probably over there trying to give the baby commands like some drill sergeant.”

“Don’t do my man like that” You couldn’t help but laugh at the way they all saw erik as this military man but to you he would always be your big softie, especially after the birth of your son. He just showed his love differently than others and you didn’t fault him for it. 

You waited another two minutes before gulping down the rest of the juice in your cup before heading to your husband and distressed baby.

“Alright papa. Momma’s hear. I know, i know. Daddy doesn’t have the magic touch huh? Maybe he’ll listen to me won't he? wont he? That’s right. Come on papa, nap time.” You said, taking him out the grasp of your husband after washing your hands in the kitchen sink and drying them off once you reached to the two inside. 

You checked his diaper and it was dry, probably changed before you got here since your husband probably thought he had a soiled diaper. You also saw the half empty bottle of milk in the baby bag near where you were seated on the couch and chalked it up to your husband attempting to silence the cries of the infant.

You had placed him on your legs once you got comfortable on the couch. Fingers running over his eyebrows, his cheeks, his nose and back up to his forehead and ears in the soothing motion. Within 5 minutes he was sleeping and your husband couldn’t be happier. 

“Baby”

“Yes mr know-it-all” You responded smartly, not taking your eyes off the small body in your lap.

“Don’t get smart now.” You had to refrain from clenching your thighs together and looked at your husband with challenging eyes.

You saw him deflate slightly once he remembered he was in the wrong. 

“I’ll listen next time.” You let out a little hum and turned back to your son in your lap. 

You just sat in awe at the life you created with the man next to you. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t realise your husband had grabbed your chin softly before turning your face to his, placing the sweetest, most gentle kiss on your lips that left you weak once he pulled back.

“I love you” He said. That glint in his deep eyes made you swoon like it had when you first met him at the black owned coffee shop near the outreach centre.

“I love you too” You said softly before smiling at the grin that broke out on his face after knowing you weren’t so mad with him. 

Hey y’all!

Hope your week started off alright and that you’ve enjoyed your weekend😊

This is the main account that i’ll be posting on in regards to my written work because i couldn’t interact as i wanted to on my side-blog.

But I won’t be deleting anything on that blog, im just moving over to this one.

Let me know what you thought of this soft imagine and who you’d like me to write for or just ask me anything😁

Remember to like, share and/or comment and be safe!

Love y’all and thanks for the support.

-K💜

[katacanons]

Hiii! I was wondering if i can request a NSFW hc for Ace, Sanji and Zoro what they would react when their gf sends them a nude or a really spicy text.

Thank you in advance <333

Hello Thank you for your undying support! I love your Sanji blog~~

NSFW under the cut! 

Ace, Zoro, Sanji with fem!S/O sending them a spicy text

Ace

Boner. Gets one the instant he sees it

Sends you one back. He likes the chase and isn’t afraid to tease you back

“See how hard you make me, babe?”

What a beautiful sight. You start to think it’s a bad idea cos now you’re the one aroused

Get ready for such a good time tonight. Whenever you give him a preview, he mentally and physically prepares himself and looks forward to getting his hands on you

He acts extremely needy while you’re at it, too. He pinches everywhere he can - boobs, ass, tummy, YOUR THIGHS become his stressball...and just relishes your plump skin... leaves love bites everywhere he can

aahhh he just loves the sight of you squirming under him

He won’t even fall asleep during the act. but won’t last long. 5 mins tops

will go for multiple rounds tho. till you’re more than satisfied 

He lives for seeing you all hot and bothered and panting after multiple rounds *insert ahegao face*

Zoro

Zoro’s pretty dense so it’s better to send him a photo than try to initiate sexting

“Hmm? That’s kind of naughty, y/n. I wanna see what that mouth can do”

Refuses to send one back. I hc that Zoro isn’t a dick pic kinda dude. He thinks it’s lewd and unnecessary. he’d rather show you his sword skills in person 😏

but is totally down for a quick one

Will ask you to come over, mainly because he doesn’t wanna risk getting lost when he wants you THAT much

If he can’t see you asap he’ll do a quick workout or work out (¬‿¬) to calm his nerves

If you ask him nicely enough maybe he’ll give in to FaceTime?? certainly better than nothing right? 

100% just denies you your high the next time you’re together. If he had to suffer, so should you

Like you’re riding him and you’re almost theeere and he just PUSHES YOU OFF??? aND smirks like it’s no one’s business?? rude marimo

He’s usually quiet in bed but this time around the sexy swordsman grunts more, they’re almost like growls god help me

Sanji

ZOOMS in the photo asap. Like he’s afraid it’s gonna disappear. Sanji doesn’t save any of your noodles (out of respect)

In fact I think he’d delete any compromising pic u’d send him, just for privacy/security reasons

While he’s pervy, he’s too much of a gentleman to do anything erotic online unless you realllyyy insist.

Sanji just doesnt like phone sex ok, the act for him is pretty sacred

Probably won’t reply for a while since his nose is bleeding all over the place

“Babe you still there??”

*insert incoherent jumble of letters*

“You’re so cute, y/n-chan… Ah, I miss you already...” 

Will 100% refrain from getting himself off so expect a loooot of cum the next time you see each other ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

After he eats you out like a freaking full-course meal

Sanji is the master of foreplay (you cant convince me otherwise), his fingers are PRISTINE from not using them from combat and his tongue is an expert on flavour and you are his favorite taste

[whatiwillsay]

submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me.  but i am very emotional right now.  i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience.  ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support.  have you been financially impacted by this?  we can raise money.  do you need therapy?  we can help you find the support you need.  this community is unequivocally here for you.  whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will.  you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this.  i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened.  this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do.  this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

[gaysadandsingle]

... Here I am

For the 5,988th time I deleted my Grindr & Scruff account. It was an endless cycle of logging on, seeing if any one was remotely interested in hooking up. Getting ignored, me replying with ‘??’ when someone didn’t reply within 5 mins of my message being ‘delivered’ (impatient I know, but when bored and horny you don’t think with your brain), then rejected, and blocked.

My mental health was fucking ruined. I felt so ugly, worthless and depressed. I just wanted a man to give me attention, get naked & sweaty, then leave. It was becoming impossible to have casual sex with someone. It seems the only men who get attention online are gym junkies, who look like OnlyFans models (lets face it, they probably have naughty twitter pages, linking sad gay men like me to their OnlyFans, knowing for well they have my attention). 

Don’t get me wrong, I work out 4 times a week & I don’t consider myself ‘ugly’. I get a lot of female attention, but not male... I still have that horrible feeling that I am the issue, that thought rots at my brain like fungus.  

So, here I am. After re-downloading and deleting Grindr for the 5,989th time (again, not responded to, ignored/rejected, then blocked) & taking the step to book a therapist, I said to myself ‘I will never learn something if I don’t try and change’. For some reason I thought maybe blogging my thoughts and feelings might be a healthy way to stay off the apps. Lets see what happens. I’m not saying I won’t stay off them forever, I like sex & connection as much as the next person, but I want to learn healthier habits & feel better about myself. 

I’ll probably fuck up a few times, but learning from mistakes if one of my favourite past times...  

[fanfics-for-the-hockey-fan]

My Treasure - William Nylander

Request: Can you do one where you are pregnant with William nylanders baby and getting hate and he makes you feel better

Getting pregnant at 24 was definitely not a part of my 5 year post college plan. Then again falling in love wasn't one of my bullet points either. But when my period was over a week late I knew that everything was about to change. William was thrilled when he saw the bolded word on the pregnancy test, immediately wanting to tell anyone he could. I was a little more hesitant to share the news.

I knew that I wanted children someday and those feelings intensified once my relationship with William became serious, I just figured we would be married and I would be a little more secure in my teaching job before we would add a baby to the mix. We told our families first and they were all excited and happy for us, same with friends and teammates. The real problem came when we started to share the news with the rest of the world. On William's social media everyone was happy for us and wishing us well, but mine is where all of the hate went.

She probably got knocked up so he couldn't leave her.

Hopefully you don't gain too much baby weight, you could already stand to lose a little.

You're not even pregnant with his kid I bet, just went to the guy with the biggest paycheck.

I did my best to delete the comments as soon as I saw them, hiding them from William so he wouldn’t get upset. Some people didn't get the hint after the first deleted comment and I would end up blocking them. Two weeks after announcing our pregnancy the nasty comments were outweighing the nice ones of my post. My pregnancy hormones went crazy one day when my pants didn't fit for the first time of the pregnancy and William was away on a road trip until the morning.

I canceled my plans to go get dinner with some friends and instead had a pity party in some of William's clothes with ice cream and reading through all the horrible things that were being said about me.

I can't believe he is still with her, she is not pretty enough for him.

Fat cow

You are going to ruin his career with the child.

I cried myself to sleep on the couch after midnight and didn't wake up until someone was brushing some hair out of my face. Slowly opening my eyes I saw a concerned William kneeling on the floor in front of me. "Ellie, what’s wrong? Were you crying?" I sat up, making room for William next to me before he pulled me into his lap. "Your friends texted me last night and told me you skipped on going to dinner with them. Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?"

"The baby is fine, I just couldn't find anything that fit comfortably with the bump. I had a pity party with ice cream and must have fallen asleep." Everything I said was true, I just left out one major thing.

"I'm sorry babe, but can I finally buy you some new maternity clothes? Please." He gave me puppy dog eyes as he begged, causing me to laugh and turn to face him more.

"You love shopping more than I do."

"Is that a yes? I'm taking that as a yes. Go get ready, shopping might take all day." With that he was carrying me down the hall, laughing the entire way. When he finally set me down I managed to find a t-shirt dress that wasn't too uncomfortable and proceeded to get ready.

***

After a full day of shopping William took me out to dinner at our favorite Spanish restaurant. I excused myself after we ordered a bunch of small plates to share to run to the bathroom and when I got back William was standing at the table with a large plastic bag and shaking hands with the owner. "What's going on?" 

"I thought you might be more comfortable if we went home and ate. I've kept you busy most of the day so I know your feet must be bothering you." His tone was off but I brushed it off as we headed out. The drive home was a tense silence without even the radio playing.

I didn't say anything until we were in the apartment and William started slamming cabinet doors as he got plates. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't get why people spend so much time trying to make other people down! Like, what does it do for them?" He had a fire in his eyes I had only ever seen on the ice, and I wasn't sure what was causing it.

"I'm going to some more context here. Did something happen at the restaurant?"

"Before we left the last store I took a couple of pictures for our shopping day and posted them to Instagram. I thought it was no big deal, just sharing what I was up to on a day off. And then when you were in the bathroom your phone started buzzing like crazy so I thought someone was trying to call you. But all of your notifications were for Instagram, and I know I shouldn't have opened the app on your phone but I thought maybe it was your girlfriends' group chat and Sophie finally got engaged." I let out a small chuckle at that, we basically were taking bets on when her and her high school sweetheart would finally take the next step.

"I'm guessing that isn't what you saw." I knew what he was going to say next but I was hoping with every fiber of my being that I was wrong.

"No, I saw the worst of humanity in your DMs. I just- how can people be so cruel?" William slumped into the bar stool next to me at the island as I reached for my phone having to see what was sent to me now. "Ellie…" I ignored his worried warning as I opened up the app, going to my DMs.

Fat cow, you only got pregnant so that you could lock in some who is far too good for you. I hope he sees he could do so much better and kicks you out before that baby ruins his career and life!

So you are just using him for his money. I bet the baby isn’t even his, probably a teammate who makes less. Whore!

Bitch, why are you even with Willy? He is a literal hockey god and from what i can tell you are just some stupid high school math teacher. He can do so much better than you. 

There were over 50 messages just like those, all sent within the last hour. I didn't even dare look at the comments on my latest post, even though it was a few days old the braver trolls put their nasty messages there for the whole world to see.

"How long has this been happening?" I had hopped off my stool, going to plate up the food we brought home and trying to avoid the conversation I knew we needed to have. "Ellie… Please talk to me. How long?"

"Honestly, since we started posting that we were dating. It's gotten worse since we posted that we are gonna be parents."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because part of me thought that if I just deleted the messages and comments that it wasn't real. That if I was the only one who knew that I could just pretend that it was all in my head. Then there is that stupid voice in my head that likes to play up my insecurities, that made me feel like if you saw what people were sending me that you would believe it. And I know that thinking that is stupid and unrealistic but it can sometimes be the loudest thing in there." William also got off his stool, coming to stand right in front of me. He kissed my forehead before cupping my cheeks and holding eye contact.

"Min skatt, never feel like you have to hide this from me. You are the one I am in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the only one that can make me smile and laugh when I am in a bad mood after a game. You are the only one I see myself growing old, and possibly bald with." I let out a gasp at the word bald, he was so protective about his hair.

"See, the rational part of me knows all that."

"Well, let me make it clear to every part of you. I love you with every fiber of my being and as soon as I meet with your father next week to ask for his blessing, I will be asking you to marry me."

"Will…"

"But I am going to need you to act surprised when I ask." That got a small chuckle out of me. 

"I'll do my best." William's stomach growled then, making both laugh. "Let's eat before your stomach starts communicating with us again." William just nods, a thoughtful look on his face that I'm sure would cause problems later but right now I just wanted to live in the happy moment.

After reheating the food and settling at the kitchen island to eat, I went through and deleted all the DMs and comments. I barely registered what they said as I deleted. What I didn't know was Will was looking at the comments as I deleted before pulling out his own phone. It was only when my phone buzzed with another notification that I found out what he was doing. 

@williamnylander tagged you in a post

The post was two pictures side by side; the first was from our first date at a Christmas market, all bundled up and snuggled into each other as we took the photo in a mirror. The other picture was a selfie he took of us at my last doctor's appointment for the pregnancy, both of us were all smiles as I sat on the exam table with a picture of the sonogram on the screen behind us.

Two pictures of the love of my life. One from our first date, where I was a clutz and spilt hot chocolate all over her light grey coat and she still agreed to a second date. The other from a few weeks ago when we got another look at our baby. 

I can say without any doubt that having Ellie in my life has only made it better. She has become my sounding board for when I'm frustrated, my motivation to score more goals, and my ray of sunshine on any cloudy day. 

I knew from that first date that Ellie was the one for me, no one can tell me otherwise. And now she is carrying our first child. My heart continues to grow and fall in love with this amazing, kind, dedicated, caring, loving, and perfect woman each day.

I am so lucky to spend time with you each day and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and jealous of what we have.

Min skat, I am so excited to watch our family grow and experience the joys and challenges of parenthood with you. Ellie I love you and can't wait to see where we go next. 

Together.

The tears started flowing before I even read the caption, the pictures enough with my pregnancy hormones. But the words William managed to write push me over the edge, I was crying at the love he put into the words but also laughing at the not so subtle 'fuck you' to all the nasty people who sent you messages.

"Did I overstep? I don’t want to embarrass you."

"It's perfect. You're perfect. I love you."

"I love you too, and I plan on showing you that everyday. Even if it is something as simple as an Instagram post."

"It's not just the post, it's that you are saying to all the people who see your pictures and then come trash talk to me that you know about them. And that will probably stop some of them from doing it again. And anyone who doesn't get the message gets blocked."

"Good. Now, let go watch some TV and cuddle." Nodding grabbing my plate of food, following William to the couch before curling into his side.

As William pulled up the next episode of a show we were binging, I thought of something. "You never have told me what 'min skat' means."

"It means 'my treasure'. And it reminds me how lucky I am every day to have you in my life."

[livefordrama]

Reviewing Dramas I Have Watched Part 6

It’s been a while; I haven’t been able to watch a lot between school and just life. Not to mention the time I do have is spent doing buddy watches of kdramas I have already seen with my friends and family (On teleparty of course.) Again, here is my rating system:  1- Did not like, 2- Enjoyed but probably wouldn’t watch again, 3- Enjoyed and would watch some episodes again (or for movies may watch again), 4- Enjoyed and would watch again, 5- Loved

Korean Drama

Melting Me Softly: 3/5

Melting Me Softly is about a guy and s girl who get cryogenically frozen for an experiment for what was meant to be only a day. Unfortunately, something happens, and the 24-hour experiment turns into 20 years. Now they have to deal with the changes of not only their family and friends but the world and society as a whole all while trying to uncover the darker secrets behind the experiments.

I gave this a 3 because while the earlier and later episodes were amazing and hilarious, the episodes in the middle of the season bored me. I am not much of a romance person unless it is either subtle or played out a specific way and the romance in this wasn’t my personal cup of tea so it just got boring for me. On its good episodes though, it was funny, sad, and cute. I really did like the dynamic between the two main characters and the romance is pretty good, just a little slower in the middle of the series. The relationships with the family members of the two were so cute and so sad, I loved the all the scenes where the mains got to interact with their families. I did feel awkward and weird about the second-lead, I’m not sure if he counts as a second lead but for lack of a better term that’s what I’m calling him. I love Choi Bo-Min as an actor, and it had nothing to do with his acting, just the whole situation was uncomfortable to me. That other guy who doesn’t even deserve to be the second-lead, if you watch it you know, the stalker one, I despise that man. Not once during the entire show did I like one of his scenes. That could be why I didn’t enjoy the middle scenes as much cause he found a way to worm his way into almost every scene and I would get so annoyed with him. This show does have its good points and bad points, so I would recommend it for those who like romance with a little bit of suspense and humor.

Welcome to Waikiki (season 1): 3/5

Welcome to Waikiki is about a group of friends who own and attempt to run a guesthouse together. When they find a baby left behind in one of their rooms, they have to find out how to take care of her and find her mother. This becomes even more complicated when the mother returns in tears saying she had no where else to go and didn’t want her baby to suffer. After hearing about her troubles, they decide to take the two in, in exchange for help working at the guesthouse. It follows the group and mother as they try to figure out how to take care of a baby, save their failing guesthouse, and achieve their own dreams, all while falling in love.

This show was hilarious, I watched it because everyone was talking about how funny it was and I agree. I especially love how it focused on all the characters instead of picking just one or two and focusing on them. I love when shows really work on all their characters and this show played it out so well. Not one was neglected and I didn’t feel like any of them were underdeveloped by the end, and Sol was super cute! I loved every single one of her scenes, she was so funny and sassy and I know she is just a baby but she is amazing. I watched some episodes on the tv and my sisters even made comments on how cute she was when they looked up at the TV, even though they didn’t watch it. I enjoyed the ending and how it all played out and tied together nicely. 

It was a delight for the first two thirds of the season. However, yet again that romance hit and the humor kinda dissipated to be replaced by the romance for a good few episodes. While it was admittedly cute, and I adored the romance scenes in the last few episodes, most romance scenes gave me such second-hand embarrassment I had to pause the show for a while and gain the courage to restart it. I did enjoy it but would probably only ever rewatch the first two thirds and maybe the last two or so episodes. It reminds me of Love With Flaws in the second-hand embarrassment romance scenes, so if you enjoyed that show, definitely give this one a chance. If you like romance, humor, and can handle the second-hand embarrassment stuff I highly recommend this one! It’s super cute and hilarious!

Missing Nine: 5/5                                

Trigger Warning: Plane crash, Blood, Injuries, Suicide attempts, Murder

Missing Nine is about a girl who gets hired as a stylist for an arrogant and cold idol. On her first day, the plane they are all riding on to an event crashes on a vacant island. Only nine of them survive the crash and must now fight to survive and be found all while struggling with the betrayal of one of their friends who began to murder them one by one.

I really enjoyed this one, it was my perfect type of show; angst, suspense, subtle romance, crime, found family. The only issue I had with it was the unrealistic ending, I just don’t understand how it is possible and don’t know how I even personally feel about it. I am also probably one of the very few people who didn’t watch it for Chanyeol, don’t get me wrong I am an Exol too, but like really new Exol. You can skip this parenthesis if you want, it’s a kpop tangent. (I am a huge multistan. I love all the kpop groups I have listened to so far and have all the dalcomsoft games minus Gfriend even though I love them, cause I feel like it’s going to be a BTS superstar and get deleted so it’s not worth my time or efforts. Feel free to talk to me about any group and any member. If I don’t know them, I would be happy to find new ones so even if they are not well known or new, don’t feel worried about squealing to me about them, I would love to make kpop/kdrama loving friends.) I watched for Jung Kyung-ho and only when I started did I see Chanyeol which was cool to find. This also means POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT I wasn’t disappointed or biased after a certain episode like many of the people I saw raging in the Tvtime comments, not saying this in a bad way just stating that since I am neutral on certain events, I will be focusing on specifically the plot and how I felt about said plot versus how I feel about characters. SPOILER ALERT OVER

Overall I really loved this show, it was certainly an emotional roller coaster. I felt that it could have had a second season or a spin off to tie up that last little cliffhanger but I personally and satisfied with how the main issue wrapped up, other than that one weird ending scene. If you like angst, suspense, crime, and a little romance seen in an enemies to lover type of trope then I highly recommend this show. I gave it a 5 cause I personally loved it and am already planning on rewatching it with my friend. It does have a lot of blood and injuries so if you are sensitive to that, I wouldn’t recommend it to you. 

Because this is my first life: 5/5

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault, Attempted R@pe (but it didn’t get far at all, just be careful)

Because this is my first life is about a woman (Ji-ho) who has to find a new place to live as her brother is getting married and her parents gave the son the apartment that they had bought for both their children. Because of many misunderstandings and coincidences, she accidentally rents a new apartment with a very strict and stoic man (Se-hee). Due to more problems, the two come to an agreement that they should get married since they both can gain something from it. The woman gains a place to stay and the man gains a tenant to help pay the bills, no more, no less.

Okay, so while I said that I didn’t like romance this is the exception, much like Shopping King Louie, it was just a really cute slow burn that I thoroughly enjoyed watching. Many people in the fandom, on TV time at least, were giving Se-hee a hard time and saying he was using and manipulating Ji-ho but I didn’t see it that way. She consented and never voiced anything other than that and the deal was for her to stay in the apartment since she needed a place to live and he needed someone to help pay bills. He didn’t ask for anything more, she was already following his schedule before the marriage issue and was just fine and accepting when they decided to get married. Neither had any expectations of falling in love, they just both needed something that marriage would help them gain and both consented to it. Later on, Se-hee even asked her if any advances were okay and backed off when they weren’t with no questions asked which I find admirable. Okay, rant over. It was cute and at times annoying cause you just want them to get together already. I laughed so hard in so many episodes and cried in a few too. The cat was so adorable and I love the interactions the main’s had with the little fluff. The best, and sometimes most painful, bonding moments between the main’s were the ones that dealt with the cat. I wasn’t too fond of the love triangle but was pleased with how it actually played out with the two women actually accepting each others presence instead of being horrible to each other for the most part. Highly recommend it to any romance lovers, and especially to those who are fans of shows like Shopping King Louie as mentioned above.

Flower boy next door: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Stalking, Panic Attacks, Sensory overload, Bullying, Teacher Crushes and Manipulation of Such

Flower boy next door follows Dok-mi, a young woman with crippling social anxiety to the point she never leaves her apartment. From her window she watches her across the street male neighbor every day, taking note of his entire schedule. This all comes back to bite her when her neighbor’s brother comes to visit from Spain and catches her. What starts as an attempt to make her stop stalking her brother, quickly progresses into a mission to help her overcome her past, anxiety, and to get out of the house and adapt back to a healthy social life. As this mission goes on the two begins to realize they have feelings for each other, but Dok-mi’s own next-door neighbor has his own mission of getting her to stay inside and fall in love with him. He has been writing a web comic about her being a modern Rapunzel and has been in love with her for many years.

I enjoyed this one, I watched it cause the actor from Psychopath Diary starred in it and it was really cute. The romance was adorable, and the whole telepathy thing was a great addition that made me laugh. I love the whole adorable dork male with quiet cold girl trope so much. I didn’t like the whole stalking situation very much, it’s just kinda weird and was something that made me really uncomfortable during the first few episodes. I wasn’t a huge fan of the next-door neighbor, he just seemed like an enabler to me and I found myself angry through most of his scenes, as well as through most of Dok-mi’s childhood friend’s scenes. Other than those two characters, I enjoyed it well enough. I know some people can get annoyed by each characters flaws but I usually am good with morally grey characters as long as they learn from their mistakes. Some did in this show and there was a lot of character development and some didn’t which is realistic but makes me kind of sad. I recommend it to people who like a cute romance show with some angst and don’t mind morally grey characters.

Web-drama/Mini-series

Ghost Vros: 4/5

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Death, Some gore, Jump scares.

Ghost Vros follows two young men who are trying to start up a business where they hunt ghosts using virtual reality software. The main character is able to sense the ghost through his ears turning red and his friend programs the virtual realty to make sure the main has everything he needs to catch the ghosts.

I liked this one, it was fast like many web dramas are, but really interesting. I did attempt to translate it myself with my, admittedly little, Korean knowledge before finding the English subs (which you won’t be able to find now that Youtube has rudely removed community subs, unless it’s uploaded somewhere else. If someone finds it please let me know.) I was always engaged during the show and wasn’t bored at any point. It did have some confusing points and I wish we got more backstory as there was mentions of some interesting things that was never explored further, but it is a web drama, so that is more than likely too much to ask for. Recommend to anyone who enjoys a quick comedy ghost story.

 Cats Taste and Cat Bartender: 5/5

Cat’s Taste and Cat Bartender follow three cat gods who run a bar at night to make money for their injured owner. At this bar, they give upset humans cocktails which enable them to either posses said human or go into a dream world, this isn’t really clear, and correct the issue in exchange for items the cats find interesting on top of the alcohol cost.

This show was so cute, I absolutely loved and couldn’t stop smiling. I got the first season, Cat’s Taste, on my youtube recommend and decided to watch it since I was bored. I am so glad I did, I got super excited when I saw that there is a second season as well and spent forever trying to hunt it down before a kind person on MyDramaList put a link to the English subs in a comment (if anyone needs it, I will be happy to send it.) Both seasons were amazing, and I am hoping for a season three as the ending looks like it might be set up for one. The way they showed the bartending moves was so pretty and satisfying and I liked how all three cats got to show their moves instead of just the one.  I don’t like alcohol, have tried many kinds many times to but just don’t, however this show makes me want to drink the mixed drinks even though I know I would hate the taste.

Also, is it just me or does Ms. Hana remind anyone of Johnny from NCT? I don’t know if she looks like him or what, sometimes someone reminds me of someone else and the two look nothing alike. Don’t know what that’s all about but let me know because I could not shake the feeling that she reminded me of Mr. Johnny from Chicago. Anyway, tangent aside, I highly recommend to someone who like a quick but cute drama.

Korean Movies

Beautiful Vampire: 3/5

Beautiful Vampire is about a female vampire who tries to avoid people due to her nature, but has all that shattered when she runs into her landlady’s son one night and begins to fall in love.

This movie was pretty good, but a little confusing. I couldn’t even write a proper plot explanation cause I was just so confused. I honestly felt like a fever dream, though a relatively interesting fever dream. I wish we had more information and backstory cause it just kinda felt like a rollercoaster ride of pining. It ended okay; I mean I was bored at the time, so it was something to do. If I am bored in the future, I might watch it again. I agree with most on TvTime when they say, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, it was just something to do. I feel like the story line needed more work done and that it ended too fast and progressed in such a way that it was hard to follow. If you are bored or have nothing to do, give it a try, you might like it more than I did.

Chinese Drama

Take My Brother Away: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Alcohol Abuse

Take My Brother Away is based on a web comic about two siblings living with their alcoholic, debtor father in China, after their mom filed for a divorce and left. It follows the two as they go to school, work, and try to live a normal life. The sister hates her brother for being lazy and not being able to help her get what she wants, and the brother gets annoyed at the sister for always getting violent with him and nagging him.

I loved this one, it was really interesting to see the dynamic between the family. I felt that the brother should have been given more credit in the beginning for all he does for his sister and I felt really sorry for the sister because she just wanted to be like the other students who could afford to read web comics or go on trips. Some episodes were hilarious, some were heartbreaking, some were admittedly annoying, some gave me secondhand embarrassment. I just love it all, the only reason I give it a three is because I wouldn’t watch all 50 episodes again, I loved it but some were more on the boring side like filler episodes and I just, don’t think I’ll ever watch the whole series again. I can defiantly say however, I will probably watch most of the episodes again. I enjoyed the ending though it was admittedly on the strange side, and felt it was wrapped up nicely. There was a lot of character development too which is always great. I recommend this to those who enjoy some dysfunctional family humor and some angst and who are able to commit to long seasons.

 Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

[chirp-featherfowl]

summertime is not a good friend.

 -       Tommy is 12 when he's assigned as a right hand man to a war general.      Far too young, the world thinks. Far too immature, the world says.        It is a war for peace, but not one a child should not carry the burden of. It is a war for hope, for prosperity, for freedom, but not one a child should be the right hand man of.       The child that is the subject of discussion does not understand, nor does he disagree with his placement. It is not for a long, long, time that he realizes.  -       In a few months time, the ages of the rest have been revealed.       A friend that is 13. An enemy that is 19. An outsider that is 19. A son that is 15. A girl that is 18.       The words pass through the minds of the watchers, only fueling them to have the world they carefully spectate fall in shambles. Some say it's sadistic, that it's cruel, but no one listens. Not even they can stop themselves from seeing what comes next. -  [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 23 min. ago lmao these losers saying its "problematic". get off of ur skyblock island sweetie, they're fictional <3 -- 18 replies  Skye [on hiatus!] 23 min. ago  Um they're not fictional? These are reall people   - Hati 20 min. ago       Lmao yes they are. They might as well be seeing as they shouldve known            what they were signing up for  -- 4 replies  ami | MOD | 18 min. ago  hello! please get off this discussion board and delete this post. we do not   condone discourse here, try and find another site! thank you.   - all hail sir billiam 18 min. ago       um no thanks. the mods here r shit anyways, go get the owner if u wanna            talk to me -- 8 replies -       Tommy is 13 when he learns that his suffering is being watched and condoned by millions of other people. He is angry, and rightfully so.       It just so happens that his anger has fallen on deaf ears, though, as his brother, his dear brother, is trapped in delusions of his own creation.       It is too late for his brother, and it is too late for himself. - puddle ;; shay @soggy_mem0ry Stop stanning problematic world groups and go back to playing on fucking mineplex or something. This site disgusts me 456 Retweets 34 Quote Tweets 6,282 Likes

el \ DON'T PRIV QRT @el_i god the discourse on here is horrible. i'm not going to be on this site for a while. i don't like what it's becoming. 293 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,497 Likes -       It has been over six months since Tommy has been without trust. He cares for his brother, he does his best for him, and he knows he loves him back, despite the situation they're in. Tommy has done his best to bring his brother back to the way he was once before, and even though they both know it won't last long, they both put on a facade for each other. -       A young boy, the age of 16, watches as another boy, only three years younger than him, loses almost all his hope. This young boy does not matter to the state of this world, and he never will, but it is the impact that makes it so important.       The boy sits near a tree on his island, giving up hope himself. -        A girl slaughters her way to victory in small matches in her area, knowing much due to her ability to find sufficient role models.       Sufficient role models that happen to be revenge-filled adults that seem to not know they're torturing children, but it doesn't matter to her. It doesn't matter to anyone, in fact. No one cares when the world hinges on the fate of 14 year-olds who shouldn't know how to handle a crossbow, but so do nonetheless. -  frog-enthusiast - Follow man. i never thought i'd be making this post, seeing as i'm one of the more popular members of the dsmpblr community, but i'm done. i won't deactivate this blog so other people can still see it, but i probably won't be posting ever again. fuck everyone who condones this shit. -       Tommy is 14 when he begins to finally lose his hope.       He hasn't yet, despite what everyone else thinks. He is still holding onto it, not for long, but he hasn't let go.       But the world seems keen on having him release his grip, and he does, eventually.       That day is not today, though, and Tommy Simons still lives. He lives in a, sadly, different and changed mindset, but is still the same Tommy Simons.       He cannot say the same for his brother. - THEORIES ABOUT THE DSMP Kadoodles 696K views - 3 days ago MCC 9 Interview - Tapl's thoughts on DSMP, HBomb94 talking about L'cast, and more! MCC Highlights 3.2M views - 5 months ago Tommy confronts Wilbur about Manberg Obli Intel 52K views - 1 day ago - TAPL: Well, I'm not surprised you've asked me this. More that I was the first one to be asked, I guess? TAPL: If I'm being honest, I don't really want to talk about it. What does on in that world is none of my business. Though, that's not the answer you want, is it, huh? TAPL: I don't like it. It gives off such a bad energy, if that's the way you want to put it. I just... don't think it should exist, really? It shouldn't be shown off. -       Tommy is 15 when he finally, finally, crumbles. Where he, the final judge, the youngest, is corrupted, is taken down to be who he finally is.       Prey. -       Various teenagers from all across the world watch as friend gets separated from friend, and foe takes over foe. It's no surprise to the people who chose this demise, but it still is a burden to carry. To be known as one of the people that sentenced a child to an early grave is something not a lot of people personally like.       They keep on watching, though. Nothing will stop them. (But it is not as if people try.)       The world might crumble there, and they will watch. The world might disappear there, and they will watch. - Replies jumpy-the-alien - frog-enthusiast I'm sad to see you go, but I totally get where you're coming from! I really hope you come back, I love your art, but don't feel pressured. vlaired-spear fuck off with the "fuck everyone" thing. you watched this shit too. you can't put down other people while still doing the same thing. flameo-hotman @vlaired-spear holy shit this is why i hate this website. suck a dick flowgastrell @vlaired-spear I know right! Its not like the ccs will see this anyway flameo-hotman @flowgastrell yeah, maybe not in a discord server, but there's still a high chance when you post it on the fucking internet - TAPL: I know I'm probably going to lose a lot of people saying this, but you asked for my opinion, and here it is. I don't want to lie about it. Especially not when fucking children are at risk. -       Tommy remains 15 for a very long time. It is not of his own volition. He is bored, and time passes slowly.       Not until his friend arrives, that is. His friend with the mask, his friend with the lies. His friend that's not his friend.       But Tommy doesn't know that. - [Discussion Board Opened!] all hail sir billiam 45 min. ago it will be a long day in hell when i give up dsmp content lmaoooo got banned from that other board the other day mods were toxic as shit might report it idk  -- 4 replies  Gertrude Supremacy 44 min. ago  :O Oh no what happened  - all hail sir billiam 44 min. ago    just the antis being toxic again lol  -- 2 replies -       Tommy remains 15 when he his abused by the one he thinks is a friend. He remains 15 during the explosions, the traps, the hitting, the fighting, the party, the-       The things a 15-year-old should not have to deal with.       He stops saying sorry for being too weak-willed. He starts saying sorry for being too disobedient. He does both, and gets punished "suitably" for both.       It is a game, and he does not know the rules. to be continued!! may make a follow up post explaining the au

[meliakim]

Help From Yoongi-hyung (Pt. 2)

Jimin asks his hyung for more help.

Jimin once again approached the door of Yoongi’s hotel room and knocked. He wasn’t as quick to answer the door this time, but when he did, Jimin noticed headphones around his hyung's neck. “You’re back? How did it go with Min?” Yoongi asked. Jimin shrugged and said, “I guess as good as it could’ve… Hey, what are you up to now?” Yoongi rubbed his eyes, as he had been staring at his computer screen. “I was working on some music,” he answered.

“Good,” Jimin said, gently pushing past his hyung and inviting himself into his room. “I need help writing my song for ‘Love Yourself: Her’ intro,” Jimin said as he sat down on the armchair sitting next to Yoongi’s desk chair. Yoongi chucked and sat back down in his desk chair. “You should be done with that song by now… I’ve already started working on my solo song that’s not even going to be released for another year!” Yoongi said. “I know, but I’ve been struggling with what to write the song about, but I’ve just figured it out,” Jimin replied.

“I want to write the song about Min… or… rather to Min… telling her how I feel about her,” Jimin said, shyly, still not quite used to admitting to someone out loud how he felt about Min. Yoongi raised his eyebrows. “So, a love confession?” he asked. Jimin shrugged and replied, “more or less… I know how passionate Min is about music, and if I could just come up with a song good enough… I think it would be the proper way to finally confess to her.” Yoongi found this to be extremely cute, but he tried to hide his smile.

“You’re the best at composing and writing lyrics, which is why I wanted to come to you for help. I want this to be perfect,” Jimin said sincerely, looking over at his hyung. “Well, if that’s the case, I need to make a better set-up,” he said, turning to his desk. He untangled some wires and unplugged a few things before heading to his suitcase and pulling out a MIDI keyboard, microphone, mini soundboard, and another headphone set. Jimin watched him in amazement as Yoongi gingerly plugged in all his equipment to his laptop.

“Do you have any ideas for lyrics yet?” Yoongi asked as he worked on his travel studio set-up. “I have a few in mind… like ‘the universe has moved for us, our happiness was meant to be,’ er… what else? I guess I should start writing it down,” Jimin said, drawing a blank. “It’s not too cheesy, is it?” he asked, afraid of what Yoongi would think of it. “I think it’s sweet… it makes me think of serendipity… like how everything somehow works together by chance,” Yoongi said as he typed something on his computer.

“How is this? ‘The universe has moved for us without missing a single thing, our happiness was meant to be ‘cause you love me.’l Yoongi quoted from the lyrics he was beginning to write down. “Ohhh, Yoongi-hyung you’re so good!!! Hmm… how would it sound with ‘and I love you’ at the end of that?” Jimin asked. “Well, we haven’t come up with the tune and rhythm yet, so anything is game,” he said, adding Jimin’s suggestion to the end of the line.

“Really, we should start with the tune and flow of the song before we get into more lyrics,” Yoongi suggested. He stared at his MIDI keyboard, then had an idea. “You know… this is the first intro to any of our albums that is done by a vocal line member. I think it would be cool if we emphasized your voice in this song… and maybe add some light beats in the background,” Yoongi suggested. Jimin nodded. “And by emphasizing my voice, hopefully my message to Min will be clear,” he agreed.

Yoongi put on his headset and began messing around on the piano setting of his keyboard, coming up with a melody that he thought would sound good when sung in Jimin’s voice. After a few minutes, he passed Jimin the other headset and played what he had come up with so far. “Yoongi-hyung! You’re so quick in coming up with a melody!” Jimin said, impressed. He listened to it repeatedly, until he got used to the tune, then he began humming to it. “Can you move the key down half a step?” Jimin asked. Yoongi pushed a few buttons on his laptop, changing the key to A♭.

Jimin hummed along to the track again and nodded with a satisfied smile. “That’s better,” he said. Yoongi made a few more notes and then re-recorded a part based on how Jimin sounded with it. “It would sound good if it went high and then back low here,” he explained the one part and the change he made. The pair continued to do this for hours, adjusting each note to fit Jimin’s style, him humming the tune all the while. They finally made it past the tune of the verses and came up with the chorus melody and refrain as well.

“Ooo, what about ‘Just let me love you’? and then there can be kind of an echo like ‘let me love let me love you’?” Jimin suggested when they decided to move back to the lyrics. Yoongi nodded and played the refrain track to test his lyrics out. After hearing Jimin sing to it, he smiled satisfactorily and wrote it down. The pair continued to think of lyrics, writing them down and tweaking them to fit the melody Yoongi wrote, until every part of the song had a lyric to go with it.

“Ok, let’s see how it all sounds back-to-back,” Yoongi said, putting on his headset and handing the mic over to Jimin. Jimin put on the other headset and took the mic from Yoongi, clearing his throat and then nodding to him as if to say, “I’m ready.” Yoongi played the piano melody track in the background, guiding Jimin to sing the tune that they had written. Still not quite used to the lyrics, Jimin messed up a few times, but then was finally able to record the vocal sample for the whole two-minute track.

Jimin took off his headset while Yoongi did some mixing, then he unplugged it and played it out loud for Jimin to hear, without the piano melody in the background. Jimin balled his hands up in fists and shook them like he did when he was excited, grabbing onto Yoongi’s shoulders and squeezing him. “Hyung!!! It sounds so good already!!!” Jimin said as Yoongi tried to wriggle himself out of the tight grip of affection. “We’ll obviously have to record the final in the real studio, but we have a good track to go off of,” Yoongi said.

“Since we have your voice now, I can delete the original piano melody,” Yoongi said, finding the file on his computer. “Wait!!” Jimin said, an idea suddenly popping into his head. “Can you actually re-record the piano, but a little nicer?” he asked. “You don’t think my piano playing was good enough??” Yoongi teased, shaking his head before saying, “no, I really don’t think the song will sound good if your voice is overpowered by the piano.”

“No, I mean, record it as a cover of the song… I think the melody you wrote is so nice, I had the idea of dancing to it, maybe even with Min,” Jimin explained. “Ahh, then she’d also get used to the sound of the song and form a connection with it beforehand,” Yoongi said, now understanding what Jimin wanted a piano version of it for. Jimin smiled and said, “exactly!!” before standing up from his seat and stretching, suddenly aware that there was a bright light trying to sneak into the room behind the curtains.

He walked over towards the window and pulled the curtain back further, only to see the view of the NYC cityscape, with the sun rising in the background. “What time is it?!” he asked, looking down at his phone and seeing it was 5:30 in the morning. “Did we really work all through the night?” he asked, bewildered that it was already morning. Yoongi was either ignoring him or was so engrossed in playing his MIDI keyboard that he didn’t answer Jimin’s questions. When he was done re-recording it, he mixed it with a small amount of percussion and synth in the background to make it sound professional, then he emailed it to Jimin before taking his headphones off.

“I emailed the cover to you,” Yoongi said. “Do you realize what time it is??” Jimin asked, still staring out the window at the sunrise. Yoongi shrugged and said, “I’m used to all-nighters,” before getting up and stretching. Jimin’s phone buzzed at the receiving of Yoongi’s email with the instrumental version of “Intro: Serendipity,” and he was reminded of how much his hyung helped him over the course of the night. While Yoongi was still stretching, Jimin quickly approached him and wrapped his arms around his chest. “Thank you so much for helping me,” was all Jimin was able to say.

Touch-me-not-Yoongi gently slapped Jimin’s arm until he let go of his grip and said, “I didn’t do this for you… I did it for Min!” He halfway lied, as he truly did it for the both of them, but he wasn’t willing to admit he had a soft side towards his younger member that had become like a brother to him. “Either way I am grateful to you, hyung,” Jimin said, bowing out of gratitude to him. Yoongi, starting to feel sentimental at the sight of Jimin in love, just shook his head.

“Yeah, whatever… Will you leave me alone now so I can get some sleep? You’ve stolen enough hours from my life already,” Yoongi complained, though Jimin just continued to smile brightly, beyond satisfied with the work they were able to accomplish together. “Fair enough, I’ll let you get some sleep! I should probably rest too,” Jimin said, starting to realize how tired he was. He headed towards the door and turned to Yoongi once more and bowed. “Thank you again, hyung,” Jimin said one final time before exiting, leaving Yoongi alone in his makeshift studio.

[lonelinessisadisease]

WRITING EXERCISES FOR PEOPLE WITH ADHD/NO TIME

For anyone who's a really slow writer (like me), can’t sit still for very long, just wants a quick warm-up, or is unhappy with the time commitment of writing but wants something written down, here’s how I started practicing:

Method One: 5 minutes, 100 words

PURPOSE: Getting words on a page, letting loose, and simplifying/not over-complexifying ideas.

Find a simple story idea generator. I use https://thestoryshack.com/tools/writing-prompt-generator/, but any general plot idea generator will work just fine (this includes the flashcard method, which you can do at home with a couple pieces of paper). DON’T LOOK AT WHATEVER PROMPT YOU MAKE YET.

Set a 5-minute timer (you can do this using google or your phone). Before you hit start, make sure you have your preferred method of writing ready to go.

Once you hit start, read the prompt. Write. Try not to worry about what you’re writing about, or about including all the things in your prompt. The purpose is inspiration, speed, and relatively coherent creative spew.

DO’S AND DON’TS

Don’t spend your time researching words. Instead, write THINGY or IDK in place of the word or phrase and look it up and replace it after your time is up.

Don’t try and incorporate everything in your prompt. Be inspired, but don’t take it as law.

Don’t worry about the story flow, pacing, PoV, word repetition, etc.

Do make it horrible. Write it so badly you want to rip it into pieces or throw your computer at the wall. Making mistakes means we’re growing, and the easiest way to grow a lot is to make a lot of mistakes. Make crap, be great.

Do stop when your time is up, even when you have a really great idea. Consistency will do wonders for your creative rhythm, and it’ll make it easier for you to not hyperfixate or drain all your energy in one go.

Do feel free to ignore all of this crap and pick-and-choose as you go! That’s what writing is all about. Besides, this is what works for me, not for you. Again, this is a guideline, not the rules.

BENEFITS:

This is really good as a warm-up exercise to get the creative juices flowing.

It’s fast. Who doesn’t have five minutes?

It gives you a goal. Again, not necessarily a rule, but it’s good to be striving towards something, especially when there’s no consequences for failure and lots of rewards.

Instant reward. Our brains (especially if your neurodivergent) love instant gratification, so getting X amount of words written down on a page, no matter their quality, is highly rewarding. When you understand that the point of this exercise is to loosen your rigid “Don’t Wanna Mess Up” creative blocks, getting anything down feels amazing.

LIMITS:

Not for planned-out narratives, or for spending a long time thinking of fancy plots. Both of these things are great, and if you find a way to incorporate them into this then congrats, but I find that this really only works if you give up the idea of writing for the sake of a narrative and instead write for the sake of writing. Telling a story may happen naturally as you go, but the point is getting SOMETHING on paper/document.

IDK there’s probably lots, this just works for me. Do what works for you!

Method Two: Bullsh***ing Supreme (10 min.)

PURPOSE: Dealing with topics you don’t understand, making mistakes, learning, and observing with a new lens.

Pick a topic you don’t feel comfortable writing about. This could include writing about a different culture, field of study, religion, ethical view, or even a fandom you don’t think you know enough about. Try and get specific, and if you need help, think about things you agree with but can’t vocalize. Make it as uncomfortable as you can, and remember, no one else needs to read this. You can delete it right after if you want, though that might make viewing your progress harder.

Set a 10-minute timer (you can do this using google or your phone).

Write about it. Do no research, view no articles, ask for no opinions. Use what you know, what you think you know, and what maybe sounds right. Use nothing else. Don’t actively lie or misrepresent, but write about it from what you know. What was it like to be a Nazi? How do Pokemon battles go? How do governments form? How does it feel to be a woman on her period? How does it feel to benefit from the exploits of capitalism? How does Captain America talk? If you were a black man living in the city, how would your day go?

Be wrong. Be so wrong people could write books about your inaccuracies and cultural missteps. Make your grandmother cry at your ignorance. Be stupid, and naive, and confused. Make mistakes. Cry about it. You’re allowed to feel stupid, and you’re allowed to be wrong.

After your time is up, research what you wrote. Likely, some of it has merit. What kind of cliches and stereotypes did you fall prey to? What kind of background knowledge led to those ideas? What kind of assumptions did you make?

BENEFITS:

This exercise can help you feel more comfortable making mistakes, which is something that will be discussed further in the next exercise. However, specifically, this exercise helps us deal with our inexperience in certain subjects by plunging us headfirst into it. This can help you learn how to take a better approach at introducing variables other than the ones that we live with (i.e. different sexualities, races, genders, religions, experiences, etc.). While it’s a fish-out-of-water approach, which is always terrifying, it’s definitely the most effective.

LIMITS:

You’re going to offend someone. That someone is probably going to be yourself. And it’s going to be really, really hard to make yourself feel stupid about something. It sucks to be wrong.

Longer than five minutes which can feel like a long time :/

Method Three: Backspace Baby (15 min.)

PURPOSE: Balancing mistakes and planning.

Set a 15-minute timer (you can do this using google or your phone).

Write one word. You are not allowed to erase this word. Repeat.

The backspace/eraser is not allowed under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. This includes but is not limited to: narrative flops, grammatical errors, accidental words, singular letters, etc. If you’re writing on paper, use pen and don’t scribble ANYTHING out.

As you don’t delete, try to write some kind of story. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, who it’s about, or how much it changes. Just write, one word after another.

When the timer goes off, you’re done. You did it. Yay. Cry again.

BENEFITS:

You’re going to accept mistakes like there’s no tomorrow.

LIMITS

You’re probably going to cry.

Fifteen minutes is really freaking long D: