#demanding that someone post more about a certain issue

[aatroxskitten]

i think the solution to seeing more of the content about your specific kind of trans existence to follow blogs that actually post about it instead of expecting different trans ppl to cater to you. tumblr is not activism and ppl are allowed to do whatever they want on their personal tumblrs, so like??? i am not expecting a trans girl to blog about transmasc experiences and vice versa. it is not a "denial of resources" and it is not oppression to not be blogged about on Tumblr Dot Com. this is literally just a little journal. we're not changing the world, we're venting or posting about things we like. allow others their space. "waaah there's too much x on my dash, why aren't they posting about y" why do you follow people who only post about x then, why aren't you following the million blogs that post about y? it's tumblr. we're not running out of space. there is room for all of us, so curate your dash and stop whining.

[thedevotionaltour]

in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️

[astrobydalia]

🍂Cozy observations 🎃

Itssss fall you guys!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰 It’s actually super hot still where I live but that won’t stop me from living my cozy era. Anyways, I want to avoid collecting posts on my drafts for centuries so here’s more general observations!

work by astrobydalia

🍂Aquarius placements are simultaneously the most understanding and empathetic people ever and the biggest assholes out there. I don't know how they pull that contradiction off but it's true (I mean this in the best way possible btw)

Moreover, I’ve noticed Aquarius placements are way more appreciative of kindness and social harmony than Libra tbh. Libra's desire for harmony can be just for the sake of keeping appearances but they are actually very judgmental. Aquarius on the other hand tend to appreciate authenticity and have a “live and let live” philosophy where they accept people unconditionally that’s why they attract popularity. Underdeveloped Aquarius tho do have a tendency to break social harmony due to pick-me behavior

🍂 Cardinal moons are serial daters. I swear every person I’ve met who had a rather active love life or were always crushing on someone was more often than on Cardinal moon

Also, Cardinal moons are always very dominant people even when don’t intend to be. They have a very summoning aura/personality that just demands engagement. They also tend to be social butterflies, even when they’re introverted they always end up surrounded by people somehow

🍂 I like to think Pisces is the final movie while Virgo is all the behind the scenes and editing

🍂I've seen this endless times where people with Mars in Libra or 7th house always end up either in law or business (mostly creating their own business, freelancers, entrepreneurs, etc)

🍂Any Venusian influence on the MC/10th house/6th house indicates a career or job where you’re required to dress up and appear very put together, having a certain aesthetic can be important in your career

🍂Saturn square or opposite MC/10th house ruler indicates the native was forced into a career they never chose/wanted in the first place or they had to wait a long time to finally have the opportunity to pursue their ideal career OR the path towards the career they chose could have been harder/more unfulfilling than they expected

🍂 I also like to think Taurus stops to smell the flowers and creates a flower bed for herself. Virgo studies the flowers and learns all about photosynthesis and shit. Capricorn creates a flower business and monopolizes the flower market

🍂 Those with Mars influence on their moon (Moon-Mars aspects, Aries/Scorpio moon) are really good at throwing shade but they’re unable to take it themselves. They don’t like to feel called out.

🍂 Mars in the 12th house people will 👏🏼hold 👏🏼 grudges 👏🏼

🍂 To be quite honest with you, every single Virgo sun I’ve met had a very standoffish personality.

🍂 Saturn retrograde individuals raised themselves. That’s why this placement is known to have issues with authority and discipline because their parents didn’t really parent them at all, so they had to set their own boundaries, rules and systems to navigate life. Getting their life together and materializing their ambitions could take extra effort for them

🍂 I usually like Capricorn Moons cause I always find that they are very loyal to everyone (friends, family, partner, etc) but honestly they are not as emotionally mature as you might think. They have a really hard time moving on from the past to the point where they can stay stuck in their wounded child self and spend a big chunk of their lives trying to overcompensate this with work, productivity and success. Tendency to depression, low emotional intelligence and being emotionally stunted. Deep down they feel like the victim of their own story

🍂 Aquarius sun+Scorpio moon: I’ve met quite a few people with this combo and with all of them I’ve noticed they always have a cult leader kinda mentality towards their friendships and connections (might apply to Aquarius+Scorpio combos in general). You’re either with them or against them. If you're not a follower they’ll hit you with the "cool kids table" attitude

🍂 My mom has Mercury in the 4th house and she once said "I don't mind moving abroad but I can't live in a place where people don't speak my native language. I need to hear my native language"

🍂 When it’s said that Venus in the 1st house people know how to make themselves look good it doesn’t mean just physically. The know how to present themselves as a more virtuous person than they actually are...

🍂Mutable risings, Mars in a mutable sign/house: their motto is “work smarter not harder”. Their first instinct will always be to find a way around challenges and difficulties. They usually aren’t the most action oriented people, but they are cunning. Their way to success is basically beating the system to make things easier for themselves.

🍂I can easily recognize Taurus Sun because they always ooze BDE. Also they always tend to have very rugged and bold physique/features

🍂From what I've seen Gemini Venus is a placement that easily makes someone stereotypically extroverted. Golden retriever energy

🍂Has anyone else noticed that succedent houses (aka fixed houses) are all related to money and wealth in some way?

2nd house: your resources, what spend your money on 5th house: gamble 8th house: shared resources, investments and debt 11th house: production of wealth

🍂All Gemini and Cancer risings I’ve met had some sort of hypersensitivity to stimuli. Gemini rising is more mental; anxiety, overthinking, information overload, etc they easily get triggered by immediate stimuli, specially noise around them. For Cancer risings this manifests more in the senses (photosensitivity, very sensitive to smells, flavors, etc) and heightened intuition just like Spiderman with spider-sense

🍂I’m sorry but why are Cancer Mercuries so elusive in their communication??? Everything they say has this "well, maybe. I don't know" or "I guess" undertone to it, they never openly say what they really mean. They are good listeners tho

🍂Underdeveloped Taurus placements feel entitled to use and dispose of people to benefit themselves. Tend to be very selfish and stingy. They do something for you they'll hang it over your head forever and act like they have ownership over you. You do something for them, they owe you nothing.

🍂Pisces Moons grew up in their own little bubble. It's very likely they missed out on 'normal' mundane experiences and this makes them feel very separated from the rest of the world and the rest of the people which is why they often come off as clueless and disconnected. They often give off the impression they've been living under a rock or a parallel universe. A perfect example of this is when Kim Kardashian said she's never been to a grocery store💀

Every single Pisces moon I’ve met never ever wanted to have kids and if they do have them they tend to not be too present in their kids’ lives. The harsh truth is pisces moons are not reliable, generally they are the ones who want to be saved and cared for

🍂I've noticed earth Venus and Venus-Saturn aspects are a little bit too good at showing contempt. To some degree they always remind me of Disgust from the Inside Out movie 😂

🍂 When I see Moon-Saturn conjunction in a chart I flinch a little tbh cause idk what’s worse the fact that their mothers couldn’t be bothered to give the native any sort of emotional comfort or the fact that these natives have normalized conditional love as the only kind of love possible. I've also noticed they grew up with strong authoritarian values and were never allowed to question hierarchies or status

Also, natives with Moon-Saturn conjunction are extremely shady people if you ask me. It's true they are insanely observant but what people don't seem to notice is that they are observant in a Joe Goldberg or Light Yagami kind of way without the murder They do be having inner monologues like that. They come across as calm, intelligent, respectful and trusted. Can use emotional expression (theirs and others') in strategic ways to influence others. Big tendency towards materialistic, utilitarian and/or elitist mindset too. I can't quite put my finger on it but I've met a lot of people with this aspect and the deeper I dig the more I keep feeling something very dark and/or disingenuous about them

🍂Venus square Neptune people and their lack of self-respect… 🙁

🍂Aquarius Moons always give off the impression of having a rather lazy or passive personality. I'm not talking about their productivity but the fact that they seem to always have a "meh" attitude towards everything to the point where they can feel a bit disconnected similar to pisces moon

🍂Virgo risings often have freelance jobs due to Aquarius ruling their 6th house

🍂People with Industria rx (389) may actually dislike their work environment even if they like their job. I’ve noticed they often find the industry they work in to be toxic, depleting or too demanding

🍂Enterprise rx (9777) might always feel unsatisfied with their position, they might be the type to always want more and more

🍂 Aries Moon women and always attracting very immature and selfish men omg I've seen this time and time again

🍂 Scorpio moon/Moon 8th house is an underrated wealth indicator imo. I've noticed they always have a "from rags to riches" kinda life story. They however often face issues with fraud or debt along the way cause they have a tendency to take huge financial risks

🍂 you ever heard about the crabs in a bucket phenomenon? Well Ive actually observed underdeveloped 4th house placements do tend to have this kind of clingy and envious behavior particularly towards people that are really close to them. You can also experience this with people you have 4th house Synastry with; you get too attached to the comfort zone they provide to the point where they stifle your growth

🍂Pisces placements 🤝 falling for people who are bluntly abusive, controlling and narcissistic. They want to believe they’re living a beauty and the beast love story when in reality they’re trauma bonding

🍂Libra/Taurus Mars people ARE problematic and petty as fuck, they’re just good at the social game and making it look like they didn't do anything. Underdeveloped Venus energy is the opposite of peaceful, it gives major mean girl vibes and Mars being debilitated in these signs easily brings out this hostile side of Venus. The type to passively instigate drama just to make themselves look better. Very hypocritical

🍂What natives with Saturn in Taurus will consider first when choosing a career is make sure that it is well payed and gives them financial status. Other factors come second

🍂Fixed+cardinal combo in the luminaries is hands down the best sun-moon combo I've seen tbh (specially fixed sun+cardinal moon), they're a force to be reckoned with. Very charismatic, outspoken and confident people with healthy ego if developed. Most people I've met with this combo were very extroverted and/or excellent leaders

🍂Sagittarius placements 🤝 this pose 😜✌🏼

🍂Libra/7th house Lilith have a tendency to judge a book by its cover all the time

🍂I've noticed Pisces MC/10th house natives aren't very ambitious. They seem to not really care about things like self-development or being on top. From what I've seen they mostly aspire to have a pleasant and glamurous life that frees them form real life mundane worries and could desire to retire as early as possible. In some cases I've seen they could want a "princess" kinda lifestyle where they literally have no responsibilities. They want a career that liberates them from any pressure of achieving material expectations and allows them to just go brain dead all the time following a higher power/inspiration/knowledge. That's why many artists have this placements and I've also seen cases of Pisces MC people who wanted to be nuns and nurses. I've noticed that when they genuinely don't care about recieving recognition or achievements but rather do things bc it aligns with their soul that's when they become successful

🍂Scorpio placements have a tendency to be very cynical I've noticed, specially mercury and mars

🍂Gemini/3rd house Lilith can spot lies from miles away and will not be sacred to call it out

🍂As per my observation the water sign that gets idolized the most is not Pisces but Cancer 100%. Yes Pisces does get idolized but I’ve noticed that’s actually very short-lived, people tend to switch up on them SO fast cause they project a deeply unrealistic image on them and eventually fall off the pedestal. Cancer placements on the other hand are not infantized like Pisces, they are consistently very sought after people I’ve observed. They always come across as emotionally reliable even when they’re not, people always go soft for them while simultaneously respecting them so they’re always seen as perfect,kind,charming,etc. Their personality naturally portrays an energy of unconditional love and understanding so people easily get obsessed and addicted to them

🍂I always find that Pisces Venus natives have a very whimsical and juvenile personality. They also have a very extravagant taste they may like anything with bright colors, glittery shiny stuff, squishy toys, etc. they have a tendency to be a bit tacky and corny I’ve noticed

🍂Every fixed moon I've seen avoided any sort of emotional rehabilitation like the plague unless it’s strictly necessary. They believe no one can begin to understand them better than themselves and they got it all figured out already. Now this is more my opinion but I feel like they low-key underestimate the amount of healing they actually need to do cause they really struggle taking emotional accountability. They have a tendency to act like their needs and feelings justify everything so there's not much to "fix" or heal

🍂People who have at least 2 out of their big 3 in cardinal signs are often seen as the golden girl/boy

🍂Capricorn/Virgo moons will be literally the best at what they do and make it seem so effortless. If you ask them how they got so successful they'll be like "idk I guess I just practiced a lot"

🍂I’ve noticed your 8th house sign(s) represent themes that people are consistently using against you as the fastest way to tear you down, so you always end up feeling powerless here at some point. That’s why you tend to resent this energy and have toxic dynamics with people who have their planets here. This house is literally the death of you (8th from 1st), but it can also be the source of your empowerment once you claim this energy so it's best that you keep this house to yourself as much as possible. Some examples:

Gemini 8th house: using what you say against you. you could have a hard time with people believing your words, what you say is always scandalous and/or rubs people the wrong way. Gossip or information that makes you look bad. People always think you’re lying or deceiving or have ulterior motives Cancer 8th house: you could struggle with getting sympathy and emotional support from people. Others think you’re just being vulnerable and complaining for clout. Any display of emotion or care will be seen as manipulative. People trying to break or ruin your relationship with your family or closed ones Capricorn 8th house: you struggle with people respecting you, others don't take you seriously and don't see you as a valid authority. Any attempt to make yourself respected will be seen as dictatorial or elitist behavior, any desire to succeed will be seen as you being power hungry. People try to dismiss or belittle your achievements

work by astrobydalia

[p4ison1vy]

This may leave a sour taste in some peoples mouths but I’m saying it anyways

I keep seeing certain posts floating around talking about how it’s “disrespectful” and “degrading” for people to ask for a part 2 (or multiple parts) in fanfics or ask to be in a tag list….

Do y’all realize people ask this because they LOVE what you wrote?? People don’t ask this because they’re DEMANDING you to pump out more content (excluding people who are actually rude). For y’all to make this a problem NOW when people have been doing this since forever really irks my nerves. If you don’t want people asking for multiple parts or ask to be apart of a tag list, then state that on your account or state it in somewhere in the fanfic cause 90% of y’all literally state in y’all’s content:

“[insert what to do here] to be a part of the taglist!”

“leave your @ in the replies to be added to the taglist”

“like this post to be apart of the taglist”

“reblog this post to be added to the taglist”

(this including to be tagged in multiple parts as well)

And now y’all are complaining that people are asking…when y’all are the ones who have been encouraging it?????

I swear there’s always something y’all complain about every single fucking week. Is this even a community anymore? Like damn….

If someone for example asks “part 2?” or says “this was so good! are you making a part 2?”, that isn’t a sign for you to accuse them of degrading you…they’re simply asking you this question because they like your work and would like to see more.

And I’d like to state that I KNOW how it feels to create content when there’s a lot of personal issues or just a lot going on in your life. I used to write, make edits, and do digital art and it can be very overwhelming when you see multiple people ask for something all at once. I’m in college and I rarely have the time to do any of that anymore. But I ALSO know how to react when it comes to a situation like this. For example, I’d edit my post saying that I’m too busy with personal issues in my life or I’d reply to people in the comments telling them I can’t do what they’re asking of me. If someone one’s being rude (which that has happened to me many times before), they’d get blocked. It’s something that simple to do instead of making an entirely too huge of a deal to be making multiple posts about.

I WILL say this, if you are someone who rudely demands writers on here to pump out content for you, you can go fuck yourself because people have lives outside of tumblr or writing content.

But to say someone is “degrading” you or “demanding” you when they are asking a simple question and/or complimenting your content is shitty as fuck.

I will also like to state that I will always compliment a writer for their work (and anyone who reads ffs and wants more content from said writer should too!). It’s something to do out of generosity and it can keep a writer motivated.

I really wish that this community in whole could communicate more efficiently. I’ve seen so many amazing and talented writers deactivate because of the toxicity that’s circulates around this fandom…

[deepmochi]

Lilith in the 4th house 💎

Lilith in Cancer can also read it, or Lilith-moon aspects.

⚠️ Read: Mention of cheating, family dynamic and mothers!

What to learn: Emotions make you stronger, you are worthy of real love, and your family shouldn't define you.

What to avoid: Having victim mentality, blame others for your wrongdoings, and over nurturing tendencies with others.

Some celebrities: Alexa Demie, John Travolta, Donald Trump, Ozzy Osbourne, Shia Labeouf, Justin Bieber, Cameron Díaz, Brook Shields, Kristen Dunst, Margot Robbie, William Shakespeare (apparently) Cary Grant, Orlando Bloom, Jennifer Garner, and Jessica Alba.

🕯Issues with femininity and the idea of being a woman. In men, issues with being nurtured by a woman.

🕯Undeveloped Lilith attracts overprotective (toxic) people and manipulators.

🕯 They could cheat with people who are married just for the sake of feeling better (if bad aspected).

🕯 Other women admire or like them, but men like them more (male gaze).

🕯The mother could compete with them for certain reasons. These creates issues with female peers.

🕯 Can easily became a mother even thought they don't want it. Pregnancy scares could be a thing. Use protection please.

🕯They're very private about their roots and family. They will avoid posting pictures on their social networks.

🕯 Motherhood troubles them; they can come to a term if they do it willingly.

🕯 Mothers are sacred to them, but mother was also their worst nightmare. Mother was harsh and cold at times.

🕯 Emotions are not easy to read for them; sometimes, they might ignore them, creating chaos.

🕯 They prefer long-term relationships even if it is toxic. They might follow the family pattern. The must work on it.

🕯 Father was an absent figure; mother has both roles combined. They can imitate this too if bad aspected, especially men.

🕯Emotional manipulator: they can use people's feelings to their pleasure.

🕯 They use their body and feminine energy to lurk others in. "Why you feel like that?.... tell me"

🕯Undeveloped Lilith is the friend who cheats with you bf/crush and makes her innocent face..."I didn't knew you were together" (pd: she knew).

🕯 People can see them as innocent or someone who need protection.

🕯Disconnection with the body and their feminine energy, especially when something traumatic happens at home.

🕯Women has difficult relationships with mothers or mother figure during childhood. Mother was very demanding.

🕯Here, Lilith doesn't want to be consider only a "woman"; they want more than that.

🕯However, this Lilith can be highly sexualised due to their feminine energy. Men can use them as ego boost for the immature masculine energy.

🕯 Men with this placements can have big issues with their emotions. They may ignore their pain and feminine energy, producing cheating or violence outburst.

🕯Both (women and men) can be moody when they're "hurt", and use these emotions as weapons.

🕯The mother could have hurt them or used for her benefit. She may sold them metaphorically to society, or they didn't shield them when they need to.

🕯Prone to follow traumas from their childhood. If they denied their mother issues, they may repeat their pattern.

🕯 As a mother, they are afraid to be like their mother. It's highly possible that this native sees motherhood as complex. However, they are call to cut the ties with the past.

🕯 The best partner is someone who nuturues them, but this person is destructive for their home if wounded. So, they may run away from "commitment" or commit too quickly to toxic people.

🕯 Society pressures them to be a woman. To follow a certain path, they have to deal with the Madonna-whore complex.

🕯 When they are younger, they tend to be sexualized. When older, people "miss" their old self aka beauty. Here, the native must value herself in very stage. She isn't missing anything. She is worthy in every stage.

🕯 They were sexualised very young, unfortunately. Even use as profitable object, look at Justin Bieber, Brook Shield and Shia Labeouf. They were introduced very young to Hollywood.

🕯Deep down, many of them want the home and family they couldn't have. However, they must understand that marriage is more that a social contract. It's a healing process for them. Love goes a deep as they let it.

🕯 Some may have weird family dynamics, which lead to traumas.

🕯 They will very private with their families, partners and lovers. Overprotective tendencies.

🕯Like to follow traditional roles such as, marriage, couple titles (ex: bf or gf), or/ and traditional families. Also, they make like to damage them.

🕯 They can be seen as a perfect parent or as a lacking one. Society is the one that decides (is not always true).

🕯Prefer to live far away from their family. It's safer for them.

🕯 It's very protective of their love ones, especially younger children and sisters/brothers.

🕯Their home is a very private area. They save it from really close people.

🕯They prefer to have small wedding or doing something rather private. If Lilith is immature, they will be a show.

🕯 Bad aspected Lilith would like to take your bf or husband from the sake of feeling loved. They're wining him over you because "they're better than you".

🕯Home could have an abusive dynamic.

🕯Young girls and boys are prone to date older men/ women due to mommy / daddy issues. With time, they realize that nobody can heal them, only themselves will do it.

Take care, loves!

Note: just take what resonates.💚

[accio-victuuri]

fandom thoughts & are cpfs really gonna get banned from yibo related comment sections? 📝

i may regret publishing this cause it will, like it always does, attract the wrong sort but whatever. i don’t really care. for someone who has been here for a good number of years, i have really learned to pick my battles especially fandom-wise. i can tell you that every week, there will always be some kind of trouble going on with fans and you will be exhausted if you obsess over each one of them. i have said before that if there is anything that will drive me out of stanning the boys, it’s the toxic fandom — so that’s why i mostly steer clear. hence, having this small space for myself on tumblr.

the fandom disagreements, whether that’s within cpfs, so/o vs cpfs, so/o vs other so/os and we somehow get dragged is always gonna be there. and it’s not really unique to our fandom. the question tho is why you are here? is it to participate in fan wars or to consume content related to xz and wyb? is it to be famous and get followers? etc personally, i’m here for xz and wyb. the active fandom is a bonus. there are so many things i love about the cpf community, but my priority will always be xz and wyb + their career. i mostly get involved if the issue makes it on HS and if it’s to amplify something positive within the fandom.

lately, i’ve mildly spoke up about people accusing cpfs of buying likes cause it was all bs.

which leads us to the next topic of being banned..

i guess this is a “hot topic” in other platforms that love drama.

so for the past days, including weibo night, cpfs have been commenting en masse in comments section. for example, with yibo’s weibo night post and ybo’s recent post about bystander ep photos. what you will notice is the use of ❤️💛 💚 to highlight that we are cpfs. the same thing is done in xz & xzs post. the only reason why we are more visible in the top comments of yibo posts is because motos are disorganized. i said what i said. i see efforts for their coordination but cpfs are just more organized when it comes to doing likes and votes. xfx are so much better than us on this tho. they have lots of professional fans. omg i’m gonna get dragged for being a xfx lol but it’s the truth.

you must notice that the friction between cpfs and motos have been happening for a while now. going as far back as SDC 5 finals ( even before that actually ) and so on. this is why i’m not surprised that this stunt from cpfs triggered them again. ⚠️

the short answer is, no one is getting banned. what they can do tho, and that includes YBO is to report these comments as spam. and if you look at it, they do look like spam posts. if a user gets reported multiple times, then that is when the ban comes in. i don’t think they will be spending money on censoring certain emojis tho. i tried right now and you can still send it.

i have seen some conversations on wb among cpf, that the comments should not be like this. it should really be actual comments on what is being shared. that we should not include xz’s name or face. that’s what i like about the fandom, cause we can admit if we do something wrong or if we need to improve in some aspects. we don’t blame other people, which is what other fandoms love to do btw. it’s all they can do. lol.

and it doesn’t help that in yuehua’s recent post regarding yibo’s lawsuits, the top comment is about demanding to control the comments section of yibo related posts. so of course they will look into that. sadly, the group that the company will always appease are the solo fans. it is what it is.

so that’s basically what the issue is about.

i’m actually just observing at this point but it’s not where my focus is. i am personally excited about saturday and seeing captain yibo 💥 plus i have other interests and things happening irl. this is why i don’t get people who seem to only be in fandom to start fights or obsess over cpfs. can’t relate.

i’m not saying that we should ignore everything and pretend that things are perfect. the point is, do not obsess over every fandom drama. also, look at things from cpf side before so/os. people usually come to me, sending me things that so/os say and my question is why the hell are you reading their posts? why are you in there? let’s stay on our lane. they are so/os, of course they will be biased. and don’t expect me to be always up in arms about stuff like this. my energy for over reacting is primarily for cpns and not fandom wars & drama.

lastly, being a cpf is not for the glass hearted. if you are weak-willed, this is is not for you. or maybe it is and this is the fandom that will build you up. i hope more and more people will find that perfect balance in participating in this fandom. that we set and implement boundaries — i know it’s especially hard for the new ones — when you are bombarded with the negativity. it’s not all that. there is so much more positive things to gain in being a cpf if you know where to look 🫶🏼

[hillbillyoracle]

How to Have Better Conversations

I’m writing this at the request of my partner. She shared she’s really been struggling with making conversation more than usual lately. I shared some thoughts on how I navigate conversations she found useful and asked if I’d be willing to make a resource or write more about it. This is not meant to be a definitive expert guide, it’s built from my observations and experiences as someone who is autistic and has to navigate a lot of social situations completely manually. This is how I break down the individual components of conversation.

When I spelled this all out, one of her takeaways was that conversations actually involve a lot of microdecisions and that’s why they can be so tiring. And I think that’s totally correct. But I think it’s also why some people can thrive with them because it’s actually a lot of difficult decisions that are tricky to pull off well so when you can and do, there’s a real sense of accomplishment that can make talking more appealing.

I have a feeling this post will be overcomplicated and convoluted to a lot of folks but maybe there’s a handful of folks for whom it is helpful. Take what works, leave the rest. Summary at the end.

Types of Conversation

Topics of conversation are decently important in my experience. They ultimately let you know where the conversation will go - whether it’s likely to end in a dead end, what sorts of things it will allow you to learn about the person you’re discussing with. In my experience, just about all conversation topics fall into one of four camps.

While I talk about Best Use and Don’t Use here - most conversation in the following topics will fall somewhere in-between. They’re just sign posts, not rules.

Me

The focus is on you. Me topics are ultimately about telling a story about yourself with some amount of conscious intent.

Best Use

The best use of this is setting expectations and conveying preferences. This allows your talking about yourself to serve a purpose that ultimately assists the other person in knowing how to understand and interact with you best without necessarily demanding certain treatment front. They might change or not change how they interact with you and this can show how responsive you might expect them to be.

Examples:

“I’m a writer so I don’t work 9-5. If I reply at odd times, that’s probably what’s going on.”

“One of my favorite ways to get to know someone is to grab a hot drink and go for a walk with them.”

Don’t Use

The worst use of this is look a certain way - knowledgeable, impressive, interesting. Basically any use rooted in getting another person to like you. Genuine connection doesn’t start from a place of elevating one person over another. Plus honestly 90% of people just do not care about why you think you’re interesting, important, etc and hate feeling pressured to validate you.

Examples:

“My boss was even stumped by the issue but I figured it out on my own.”

“All my friends say I’m the best at baking.”

“I keep a bunch of tools in my car, I’m ready to fix anything anywhere.”

You

The focus is on the other person. You topics are ultimately about letting the other person share the story of themselves.

Best Use

The best use of You topics is to better understand how a person understands themselves. Open ended questions that invite them to show their thinking as well and shows you how they reason. The common acronym FORD (family, occupation/occupy time, recreation, dreams) is a decent

Example:

“So how did you find yourself in this city? What was that journey like?”

“Why did you take up [your hobby]? What drew you to it?”

Don’t Use

Don’t use you topics to actively try to find fault with someone else. It’s great to have standards and hard no’s for your friendships and relationships. But poking around for them upfront can alienate people who you’d otherwise like - suspicion is not a desirable quality in a friend or potential partner. Ultimately you have to let a person show you who they are and make a personal call. There’s no short cut.

Example:

“So why did you and your ex break up?”

“So you get angry easily then?”

Both

The focus is on a shared expertise/language, not on the story of either of you.

Best Use

The best use of both topics is to notice things about them they wouldn’t think to explicitly share necessarily and to connect in a way that only people with your shared interest or expertise allows.

Example:

My partner and I both have a background in academic medical research. However when we talk about it, it becomes apparent that my focus is on the practical and researcher side and hers is on the data and compliance side. It’s interesting to note where our similar interests compliment and diverge.

Don’t Use

Don’t use both topics to try one up or show you know more than the other person. The minute you do that the shared aspect - and therefore connection - is gone.

Example:

I once went on a date with a man who spent a half hour explaining how GIS systems work in a very “look at me” way after I mentioned I had used them when I was studying forestry in college. It was boring as hell.

Neither

The focus is on a topic without a shared expertise/language, not on the story of either of you.

Best Use

The best use of neither topics is a shared exploration/experience. One person will usually know a little more about a topic than the other person. The person who knows less benefits by learning about a topic they’re curious about. Their questions and observations invite the other to think about this topic in a new light so the experience winds up being somewhat shared.

Examples:

A woman in line at Lowes let me know I could overwinter mums in this area. I proceeded to ask her about how she’d taken such good care of hers and whether the effortwas worth it. She thoughtfully answered my questions and I learned a lot.

I mentioned to my partner a personal project I’m considering undertaking. She asks about my motivations for it and in doing so I have to further clarify them. She learned a little about what my project was about and I learned what I was really after, seeing it fresh.

Don’t Use

Don’t use neither topics to soapbox about things that are of solely personal interest. If someone makes it clear they’re not interested pivot to something more interesting. Even neither topics require at least a little bit of common ground.

Examples:

I regularly talk about group hypocrisies I’m trying to make sense of before realizing that people outside of that group don’t really care.

Ideal Ratio

In general, in reflecting on my own conversations, I think a ratio where more than half the conversation is on either both or neither topics are the most rewarding. It’s where neither party walks away feeling like they talked too much about themselves and when meaningful and interesting topics still have been discussed.

I think it’s a common mistake to try to get the conversation to be 50% you, 50% me. That’s where conversations feel like a job interview and get exhausting real quick. They also have an appearance of depth as people disclose more to keep the conversation going but with out a feeling of connection after because little time is spent on exploration and shared experience.

How to Respond

So knowing what topic you’re currently or want to talk about is one part of this, but the other is choosing a response. I generally let the other person’s response dictate some measure of my response.

Pivot

If someone seems negatively engaged - leaning back, looking around a lot, arms crossed, giving short answers - I pivot to a neutral topic. I find neutral topics work best because the focus is not on either of you - they don’t feel like they’re under pressure to disclose or act interested in you. Neutral topics also allow them to lead the pace - asking questions and making observations at the level they feel comfortable. If they continually seem negatively engaged, it’s usually best to bail from the conversation, especially if asking questions about the dynamic itself seems like it might not be welcome.

Matching

If someone seems neutrally engaged - mostly looking in your direction, not leaning toward or away, giving input on what you’re saying - I match and continue with the topic.

FOOL

Being a little like the Fool in the Major Arcana is actually a great way to be a good conversationalist - genuine, curious, brave, and receptive. Bellow are some concrete ways how.

Follow up questions - Good follow up questions come from a genuine place of curiousity. They also tend to either fill in gaps in your own understanding or encourage the speaker expand the discussion into a new but related area.

Observation - Observations on the topic itself are great but not your only option. You can oberve how a person seemed to feel when talking about the topic. You can observe that they’d touched on a related topic before. Comparison is a fruitful ground for observations as well - “That’s similar to…” and ”That’s very different than….”

Opinion - Offering an opinion or requesting their opinion is a good way to keep a conversation going. In general, it’s best to avoid generalizations, soften them a little to start with, and make sure there is some measure of compassion in the opinion you’re sharing. Rigidity leaves little room for discussion and exploration.

Levity - Where appropriate, make a joke, share a meme, craft a pun, tease them a little. Laughter is a shared experience that connects us.

Building

If someone seems positively engaged - leaning forward, making eye contact, coming closer to you for neurotypical people and actively engaging with the content of what you’re saying regardless of stims or eye contact for neurodivergent folks - I build on what we’re talking about. I self disclose my feelings and personal connections to the topic one step further than what the person I’m talking with has.

It’s important not to disclose a lot more than the person you’re talking with has. It leads to a vulnerability hangover for you and can be quite awkward and uncomfortable for them. If you disclose just a little more than the person you’re chatting with, then it’s much more easy to recover and match their level if they seem uncomfortable with what you shared.

Decision Tree

“What topic are we talking about currently?”

Me - Set expectations, share preferences; you focused

You - Understand you as you understand yourself; other person focused

Both - Connect over a shared language; idea focused

Neither - Connect over a shared exploration; idea focused

“What cues am I getting from the other person?”

If positive, build on current topic - be vulnerable

If neutral, match on current topic - be a FOOL*

If negative, pivot to a different topic - preferably neutral or in ratio**

*FOOL

Follow up questions - genuine curiousity - “I wonder…”

Observe - conversation, feelings, topic - “I noticed…”

Opinion - cautious, concise, compassionate - “I’ve often thought…”

Levity - make jokes, share memes - laughter connects

**Ratio

51% Both/Neither

<49% Me/You

[max1461]

Here's my other problem with tumblr discourse: even when I make the context/intended interpretation of a post really explicit, people ignore this context and respond to it in like... for lack of a more charitable term, a discoursebrained way.

So a while ago I made a post about some ethical intuition I had, and at the top I put a huge disclaimer which said something to the effect of "this is just an expression of my feelings, it's not meant to be a philosophically airtight position, please don't take it as such", followed by a readmore and then the actual post. Why did I do that? Because I figured that if I didn't, people would nitpick it in various technical ways that missed the basic point. Lo and behold several people still did that, and when I replied basically restating the disclaimer, one of them said "oh I didn't even see that. Well I think if you post a half-baked thought online I retain the right to nitpick it".

I guess that's true. My blog is public. But the point is that I want to use my blog for certain things and not others, right, that's what I'm attempting to do. And people seem actively resistant to my attempts to guide the discussion on my blog in certain directions, which makes blogging less enjoyable. Of course some people will always do that, that fact doesn't bother me, but it feels like the irrelevant/point-missing discourse so often overshadows the meaningful discourse that I start to feel less of a desire to put in the effort.

Like, the point of issuing that disclaimer was to say, as explicitly as I could manage, "I am trying to have a discussion about feelings and intuitions here, I am aware there might be ways these intuitions are not fully consistent, but that is not the discussion I'm trying to have". But even so explicit an attempt to specify a conversation topic does not work; the discourse machine demands a certain kind of engagement and that is the engagement every post will get no matter what.

I don't want to put the person who missed my disclaimer on blast: it's honestly an error that anyone could make and on its own it's no big deal. If said person is reading this: you didn't do anything wrong and I am not mad at you, to be 100% clear.

It's not a one-off mistake that bothers me, it's the fact that this is how discussions on here so often go that putting in the effort to discuss things productively often feels wasted.

Another example of this that... if you go through my #society tag, you will see a lot of uncertainly in my phrasing. You will see me say a lot of "it seems like we should..." and "we should find some mechanism to..." and so on and so forth. Why? Because, as I've mentioned before, I've gotten a lot out of political discourse on here. When it's good, I actually find it quite good. But it's good when it has a constructive or collaborative tone, when I am bouncing ideas or thoughts back and forth with someone. Generally I am trying to invite this kind of discourse.

Sometimes, again, I say it really explicitly. I don't have them off the top of my head, but I know there are quite a lot of #society posts where I've said something quite straightforwardly to the effect of "here are some niche social/political issues I've been contemplating, does anyone have any ideas for how to respond to them". Obviously there's a spectrum in how explicit I am about this, but even when I'm really clear, most of the responses I get are still "discoursebrained", in the sense that they seem antagonistic and generally more interested in saying "X guys are cool and Y guys are lame" than in productively engaging with a set of ideas.

Even if you disagree with my claims or my premises, there is a way to state that which adds to a conversation instead of shutting down a line of inquiry. I am always trying to invite this type of mutually-productive discussion, and I so rarely achieve it.

Over the years my methods have changed. I come from a background of like, forums for specific nerd interests. Those places are plenty contentious, full of plenty of drama and disagreement. But ultimately, I always still felt that productive discussion was valued above destructive discussion; that because we were all united in a common goal of [doing our nerdy hobby], a comment where you build on someone's idea to say something useful to others or to introduce a new insight was generally valued above one where you just said "you're wrong for such and such reasons, hah!" or even "you're right for such and such reasons".

Coming from this background, I assumed this would also be the case on tumblr, and that I would not have to put in any extra effort to invite this sort of discourse. Alas, this was not true; even long and thought-out replies from respected discoursers often just amount to "here are the guys I agree with and here are the guys I disagree with, for such and such reasons". This is lame and boring and not appealing to me.

So over the years I've tried to be more and more explicit about what types of discussion I am trying to have, I've tried to tee up the sort of interactions I want as much as possible, but it hasn't really worked.

The problem is not strictly the quality or measuredness of the responses or their tone or anything like that. These are the things most people focus on when they critique the discourse, but I think they miss the point. The problem is that most responses don't seem to be intended to advance a mutually-productive discussion, they don't build on the base of what they are responding to, they just make various assertions and statements of allegiance in the vicinity of the material they are responding to and call it a day.

Maybe this is too harsh. I'm sure I do this too. And it's not always bad. Sometimes I use someone else's post openly as a jumping off point to elaborate my own ideas (although I try to be careful about this, and also make it somewhat clear that I am doing it), and this can be productive. I do actually want to hear people's ideas. It's not any single instance of these things I'm complaining about, it's just that discoursey responses seem to drown out all other types of discussion, even when you are really clear about what type of discussion you are trying to have.

So that's my complaint.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! I have the first three Shivadhverse novels in their separate paperbacks, but I want to also get the omnibus editions and I'm trying to decide between hardcover and paperback. Are there pros and cons to either of those? Thanks!

Hey! I also had an anon question about this so I thought I'd post publicly, hope that's ok -- and thank you for your support!

As far as these things go, I think it mostly just depends on what you prefer. The hardcover mainly exists because people suggested it might be a nice variant, but the internal text is identical -- it's literally the same file used for both with only the ISBN code changed, so even the page numbering is the same. The hardback comes with a dust jacket, but there's no content on the dust jacket that isn't on the paperback cover. I get slightly more revenue from the paperback edition, but not enough to matter in the long run.

I am not certain how they stand up to each other in terms of durability. On the one hand, usually hardbacks are more durable, and my proof copy of the omnibus got really dinged up really fast being carried around in my bag. On the other hand, this is a print-on-demand operation and it may be that a hardback book's cover separates from the text block more easily, especially if they use the same glue.

While the paperback will definitely show more wear, I think it may be helpful to know that I've had some issues with the hardback covers being printed incorrectly. Basically, the hardback cover has the title and author stamped on it underneath the dust jacket...but it's not always the correct title and author. Like I did a special one-off hardcover variant of an earlier book for someone as a favor, and the dust jacket was right, the internal text was the correct book, but the cover had a random title and author on it. This has happened once or twice with the hardback Omnibus as well.

And that one copy where the person got my cover but a popular Harry Potter fanfic instead of Omnibus V.1 on the inside was also a hardback... (I still laugh about that.)

Now, on the flip side, if a printing error happens to your copy, regardless of edition, you can reach out to Lulu and they will absolutely make it right, or at least always have in the past, and then potentially you have two copies of it, and can loan the wonky one out. But if you want higher odds of them getting it right first time out, I'd go with paperback.

[matan4il]

I think you meant to write in your update post that Kfir will turn a year old next week (not next year). :( I can't believe how the world is not collectively demanding the release of this child and the rest of the hostages. thank you for everything you do. sending love and strength from afar.

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for caring and sending this, I had a typo and I'm glad whenever someone cares and wants to help. Kfir Bibas did celebrate his 1st bday in captivity. And the worse part is... that is the optimistic scenario.

IDK what to tell you. Hamas has been holding 4 Israelis for years. This is Avraham Avera Mangisto:

He had mental health issues, and crossed the border into Gaza in 2014, two weeks after the end of Operation Protective Edge. Hamas has been holding him hostage since. It's criminal, to be holding a disabled civilian against his will, away from his family and community, without the meds and treatment he needs. But he's an Israeli Jew, so I've never heard any internation figure speaking up about him and the need to release him, only Israelis.

But yeah, there's something particularly low about kidnapping a baby, and the way the world just doesn't care, not to mention the people who cold heartedly ripped down Kfir and Ariel's posters. There were so many vids of people doing that, being confronted about it and asked why would they do such a thing, and they were just... carrying on shamelessly, but the first time I saw one of those vids, what shocked me the most is they were specifically tearing down the posters of the Bibas brothers, and I could not wrap my head around who would do that, who would willingly take an action, that in whatever way, even the smallest, harm the possibility of freeing a baby or a toddler being held hostage!?

When I tell you Oct 7 broke a certain part of my faith in human beings, the Palestinian terrorists are not at the top of that list. I knew what inhumanity they're capable of. It's the rest of the world's inhumanity that I have to figure how to live with.

I'm sorry I don't have words more comforting than this. I guess maybe, just the fact that we're together in our shock, disgust and grief, can heal us, even if just a bit. Lots of love to you! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[askagamedev]

I understand that your posts about Pokemon are to explain why the games are in the direction they are in, but I find that they don't address the legitimate complaints and frustrations people have about the game. Mainly the lack of polish and the amount of bugs that are in the recent games. Don't you think fans are right to air their grievances and expecting something better in terms of quality out of a large IP like Pokemon? Don't you think at least the way Pokemon Company is scheduling new generations needs to change in some way to give Game Freak devs more time to work? The complaints that many fans are having are real and genuine.

I only answer the questions that people ask me, not the questions that others might wish someone asked me. If you want me to answer questions about the legitimate complaints fans have, you can always ask. Here are my answers to your questions:

Fans always retain the right to complain about what they do and do not like about the games they play. They can say whatever it is they want and I will always respect their right to ask for whatever they want. Fans do not have the right to expect that the developer or publisher do what they ask - it always remains the decision of the publisher and developer to gather the feedback and decide how to act on it. What the fans get is a value proposition - the publisher offers this game at a certain price and the fans decide whether they feel the game is worth the price. If certain fans do not feel there is sufficient value in the game, they are by no means obligated to buy the game or play the game. In fact, I encourage any player who feels dissatisfied with a game franchise to spend their time and money elsewhere. There are far too many good games out there that don't get enough attention to waste time on a game that isn't meeting my needs.

I think that Game Freak, being joint owner of the Pokemon Company alongside Creatures and Nintendo, generally has plenty of control over their own schedule and destiny. I don't think they are being forced to do this against their will, I think they set what they believe is a reasonable schedule.

I think that player expectation that each successive generation Pokemon game support every pokemon ever made is unfeasible in the long term.

I think that every game release, Pokemon or no, is a delicate balancing act between adding enough new and engaging content and polishing the experience enough to reduce overall player frustration to manageable levels.

I think that players should offer their feedback (especially about the things they dislike), but should not have the expectation their demands will be met.

I think that players always retain the right to walk away from the franchise if they don't feel their needs are being met. I wish more players would exercise that right, rather than continuing to buy the game they dislike. I don't think that's healthy.

I think that the company has the right to make what decisions they want, as long as they are ok with accepting the consequences (financial, social, and otherwise) of those decisions. Most of the time, they are ok with it. I don't recall seeing the Pokemon Company or Game Freak issue an apology for something they did.

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[fairuzfan]

Hey, didn’t want to make the post too long, but I do want to continue the conversation. (the internet does not convey my tone, but this is said with all the respect in my heart) I think the feeling for a lot of us is that a conservative president will not only continue the genocide, but make it worse. Not voting and allowing someone we know will do much worse to take office feels a lot like throwing up our hands and saying well if we can’t have better then there’s no difference, but there really is a difference, and it won’t be felt by us. I really think not voting would be like leaving Palestine to its fate.

hey thanks for sending this in. i've spoken on this blog a lot about voting and my thoughts around it so i just want to respond to this message so you know my general thoughts. I won't talk more about this afterwards.

At a certain point, we have to begin demanding better from our representatives. Right now, we're saying "you know, it could be worse" but we've been saying that for years. I remember when we thought Romney was the worst. There will always be someone "worse."

I really really really don't think it's smart to vote for the guy and party that just ignored us and did whatever it wanted. Who's to say they won't do that again? And for a domestic issue if that's a concern.

Truth of the matter is, I refuse to vote for the people that blatantly killed my people and called us all animals and evil. I refuse. I'm never going to trust these politicians ever again until THEY prove to me they can be trusted, and that's not going to happen until change happens. So it's a matter of principle yes, but I just can't take it anymore. What's the point of voting if I'm sacrificing people and have to decide which people to sacrifice when.

There are plenty of genocides happening around the world right now. Darfur, DRC, Armenia in artskh... we gotta put out food down at a certain point. So this is me putting my foot down.

And again, I'm not saying you should listen to me, in just a guy on the internet, but I can tell you personally, I'm pretty sure the dems are not going to win either way.

[heroesspirit]

Asks and Commenting Etiquette

I have been wanting to make this post for a while. I have grown so much since first making this blog and starting on my AU, and I am very appreciative of everyone’s support! That being said, there have been a few issues that arose that I would like to address.

1. Do not compare my characters to others in different aus. I mean this more in the sense of, if you like a certain portrayal of someone else’s character and my version doesn’t line up with that, don’t tell me that offends you. This is quite hurtful.

2. Don’t ‘compliment’ me by dragging down another artist. For example: “Your version of Twilight is so much better than this other artist’s.” It is perfectly okay if mine are your favorite depictions, but please be mindful of how you are wording things with compliments. Dragging down artists to compliment someone is quite rude and in fact makes me feel bad.

3. This blog is a sideblog. As far as asks here, I only answer things related to my art, comic, fics, or creative process. Any sort of chain asks or spam are deleted. If you want to ask me something not related to what this blog is about, please go over to my main account!

4. I am making all of this for fun! Be aware I do have a job and I am in college. Be patient with me and do not demand updates.

Thank you!

[acourtofthought]

If gwynriels and eluciens are so confident about their theories and interpretation of SJM's writing, why do they feel the need to threaten to destroy her career if her next book is Elain's or Elriel? I haven't seen any Elriel shipper say things like that. She is the author of the series, she'll take the story whichever direction she deems fit for the characters she created. Trying to pressurise her to make a certain ship endgame by threatening to give one star rating or ruin her career really does nothing but shows how insecure and childish some gwynriels/eluciens are.

This is going to come off as harsh so I apologize but I think if anyone truly believes it is Gwynriel and Elucien's alone threatening to destroy Sarah's career, they have some pretty thick blinders on.

Because I'm not in the know of the E/riel side of the fandom, I am unfamiliar with any Gwynriels or Elucien's that have done what you're claiming. I'm not disputing it though, if you're messaging me it's clear you must have seen something to draw that conclusion.

I have heard of E/riels harassing Bloomsbury with messages, I have seen posts on FB / Reddit saying they'll boycott SJM if E/riel is not endgame, I've seen them saying they'll demand explanations from the author if E/riel doesn't happen.

Is this coming from the majority of E/riels, Gwynriels, or Eluciens? Definitely not. There are amazing people across the fandom no matter who they ship.

But there are always going to be the ones that take it too far and I don't care who someone ships, if they're resorting to threats against someone's person, family, or career because they're that sore of a loser then I hope they can find the mental support they need to work through their issues.

It's just a book. These characters are never going to be real. Believing that what happens to them is more important than treating a mother who is the sole provider for her family with respect is someone who really needs to step back and think about their priorities. They need to consider if their behavior is something they would teach the younger generations.

[dark-nimbus]

My Opinions on Anime and Manga in Western Countries

CW: fetishization, oversexualization, racial stereotyping, as always lmk if I’m missing anything

Everytime I tell someone I'm not an avid fan of anime or manga, the usual response is shock and confusion, paired with "how?? But you're Asian!"

What hasn't occurred to them, I assume, is that those kinds of stereotypes are part of why I'm not a huge fan

Do I hate all anime and manga? No, not at all. In fact I do have a few books and shows that I enjoy, my favorite manga of all time being Arslan Senki (go check it out, the series is criminally underrated). However, I'm very picky about which ones I read and watch, and for very good reason. To be more specific, I'm not a fan of anime and manga as it's been generally received by Western countries

For the record: if you're from the Americas and like manga and anime, this is not me dogging on you. Everyone has the right to enjoy what they do, as long as they aren't harming anyone or their integrity

Now unfortunately, in my experience I've had to deal with the not harmless enjoyers more often than not

Take the first sentence of this post as an example. People always expect me to be largely enthusiastic about East Asian-originating media, despite knowing I've spent the vast majority of my life living in the middle of the US and was raised by people who are the furthest thing from Asian. I know next to nothing about my heritage or my culture and have grown up completely in American society, but even with this knowledge I'll still be met with shocked expressions when I say I've never watched whatever show or how anime isn't my favorite thing in the world. All because I look a certain way

That stereotyping attachment of race to media is just one of the many reasons I don't like anime or manga, and it unfortunately goes deeper than that

Japan already has an issue of oversexualizing women in their media, and you can see it in the skimpy outfits, big boobs, giant eyes, petite forms, and overall simping mannerisms they have towards male characters. This is by no means found in every show or book, but it's present in most. Even Arslan Senki, my favorite manga, favors putting Farangis, a priestess, in a sexualizing outfit over living up to the rest of the story's historical authenticity. With anime and manga growing more popular in the West, the impact of how women are portrayed is reflected in how people interact more and more

I can't tell you how many times I've had to hear about how people, from first dates to classmates to random strangers have fetishized Asian women because they wanted someone to live out their weird anime fantasies with. Hell, I have some stories of my own too. I've known Asian content creators who've been left creepy comments from viewers, some of which asking for them to talk in a high-pitched whiney "anime girl" voice and say a sexualized line using Japanese honorifics in a fetishizing manner. Asian cosplayers will constantly get demands to dress up in a maid outfit or cosplay certain anime characters for them to "simp" over

Even other cosplayers aren't safe from fetishizers. Other PoC cosplayers, black cosplayers especially, are consistently put on blast for cosplaying anime characters because those characters "aren't black." If it's not an Asian cosplayer, the creeps' fetishizing fantasies can't be lived up to, so they give black cosplayers shit instead. But gods forbid they do the same to white cosplayers, since being white is always the default to them apparently. How dare anyone try to give a white cosplayer shit for cosplaying a Japanese character when all anime characters are Japanese, that's unfair to them, right? But it's okay to have a double standard because the characters look white enough, right?

There was even a Japanese boxer from a few months ago that people latched onto, because apparently any East Asian guy with messy blond hair looks like Bakugo. MHA fangirls, many of which being minors, went crazy on him, making comments that are far from appropriate for that kind of interaction and fully reimagining this completely real human being as a fictional character for their own fetishizing purposes

If we're not stereotyped, we're being sexualized. The spreading influence of fetishizing Asian people only grows with the popularity of anime and manga in countries further west. It's been used to thirst, hit on, even threaten East Asian people, women especially. Our safety and comfort has been royally screwed by anime "simps" and it only continues to worsen, even more so for Asian Americans and content creators

One of the worst things about being Asian and growing up in America is how anime was the closest thing to connecting to my culture, and what did anime tell little me about being Asian? That my skin had to be pale, my eyes wide, I had to be short and curvy, and I had to sound ultra-feminine. Those were the values that the world expected out of me. Cassandra Cain was there to be my saving grace, thankfully, but the impression anime girls have on others will never be a positive or realistic one unless Japan re-evaluates its media as a whole and non-Asian viewers can find the maturity to not implement the same things on other people

[mistmarauder]

Hey! I saw your post about pururing's account, and that your post has been reblogged by lots of people who I pretty much always agree with (including you). So I went to the account's posts and scrolled down, expecting to roll my eyes, shake my head, etc.

But as I read the artist's and others' most recent responses, I started thinking about art forms like Kathakali (I'm South Indian) where face paint of different colours is used as narrative devices and to represent characteristics. If I were to represent a 9-1-1 scene in Kathakali style, I'd need to depict faces of certain characters with colours like white, yellow, black, red, etc depending on the character and their role in a particular arc. So an actor who is portraying someone of Asian descent might be shown with yellow paint on their face to depict not their race, but their gender.

The Western-gaze would see this as "yellowface" and offensive. But shifting perspectives and taking into account the background of the artform and the artist would clarify that this is a difference in context.

I don't know if there is a right or wrong here. If a show began in a Western context and depicts the Western context, does that mean Western audiences can demand that it never be depicted in contexts they're unfamiliar with? Do artists have to stay true to the context of the artform, or do they stay true to the context of the subject being portrayed? Even if this question doesn't have a binary answer, what's the difference between acceptable and unacceptable practices, and who gets to have a say in deciding that?

I just think that these are the more pertinent questions that need to be asked and discussed in this situation. By narrowing things down just to whether that artist was right or wrong without considering such nuances, I feel like we're all risking being smugly superior without realising that we're actually in a bit of an echo chamber.

Hi, anon! I want to thank you for this message. Truly. I do think we sometimes find ourselves in an echo chamber. It’s for that reason that I try to be careful when I make posts like that. I rarely reblog callout posts, and I rarely make them. This is the third one I think I’ve ever made, and I can’t think of any I’ve reblogged off the top of my head.

Callout posts to me only become necessary when you’ve exhausted all other options. And in this case, I only made it myself because it seemed as though those speaking out were being ignored – including people of color. I know that a lot of that has to do with how heavily some of those blogs block and how much they’ve been blocked in the past. So, I chose to make a post under my own name because I knew more people would see it. From what I understand, while a few people do have me blocked, I’m not widely blocked in this fandom. All that being said though, posts like this can still be incendiary and dangerous, and I don’t make them lightly. It’s why I tried to keep my explanation and language as mild as possible while explaining the issue at hand.

That being said, because I approached it in that manner, there’s a lot that the general public isn’t privy to just by scrolling that person’s account.

I’ll start with what you are privy to and how I think it’s different from the Kathakali style you refer to in your message. The defenses this person gave to their coloring choices have little to do with culture and more to do with style and perception. They pulled stills from the show in an attempt to explain the color palette they used, but as an example, in this picture here, Jee is clearly lighter than Maddie, her white mother. And you can see in real reference photos using these actors that this is not the case. That is just a fact.

They didn’t explain away this issue with cultural artistic differences. They explained this issue using pictures and color picking and defending their perception with some alarming messages in DM.

That brings me to some information you were not privy to. This is an example of one of the messages I was shown in private by someone who was trying to talk to this person one on one about everything going on here.

They state that they drew Jee that way because she’s lighter than her parents, which is just a bizarre and untrue statement to make - particularly in reference to Maddie. But then they went on to say she’s going to get lighter as she grows older. Even if that is true (which I don’t see why it would be because what?), it has nothing to do with her skin color now.

A lot of this artist’s work is limited to black and white sketches. But if they’re going to choose to add color to their work, it should accurately represent the people of color they're choosing to portray regardless of the artist’s own skin color.

I understand this is a different style of art than the art we normally see, but I don’t see how that would change the fact that twins that play Jee should not be portrayed as whiter than Oliver Stark and Jennifer Love Hewitt who are both white actors. It’s kind of a manga style from what I gather, but from everything I know about that, it shouldn’t have an effect on coloring choices.

And again, the artist themselves says they colored Jee lighter because they perceive her to be lighter and think she will become lighter. That is… problematic to say the least.

It is still complicated though because I think you’re right about Western vs. Eastern art forms and gazes. I really do. I’m a white woman from the West, and that skews my perceptions immensely. I try to understand things as best I can, but I’m not perfect, and I know I’ll make mistakes. But I do not see how the art form here makes the work immune to criticism.

What I know and what I knew before making that post was that there were enough people who were upset by it that it deserved being looked into. And then so many of those voices were being lost in the void that I wanted to do what I could to help. That may not have been my place. What I knew was that my voice would have a greater impact though, and so I used it.

I personally believe this artist to be in the wrong, especially after being shown some of the messages they sent in DM, but the question of what’s acceptable and unacceptable and who gets to have a say in deciding that is a complicated one. I normally wouldn’t feel I personally should have shared an opinion here at all because I’m white and from America, but when other voices are getting lost, what do you do? Do you stay quiet? Maybe I should have, but that’s not the choice I chose to make.

I do encourage everyone to look into the situation for themselves and make determinations for themselves, even if I put a bit of a spotlight on that person’s blog and voiced my own personal opinion. But everyone should definitely realize that what you’re seeing on the public blog isn’t all there is. Not by a long shot.

I really hope I answered some of your questions and that this made some amount of sense.

Please feel free to message me again on or off anon if you want to discuss it further or if you think I've made a mistake. That goes for anyone. My DMs are open.