#determine approximate search

[fatliberation]

they have a point though. you wouldn't need everyone to accommodate you if you just lost weight, but you're too lazy to stick to a healthy diet and exercise. it's that simple. I'd like to see you back up your claims, but you have no proof. you have got to stop lying to yourselves and face the facts

Must I go through this again? Fine. FINE. You guys are working my nerves today. You want to talk about facing the facts? Let's face the fucking facts.

In 2022, the US market cap of the weight loss industry was $75 billion [1, 3]. In 2021, the global market cap of the weight loss industry was estimated at $224.27 billion [2]. 

In 2020, the market shrunk by about 25%, but rebounded and then some since then [1, 3] By 2030, the global weight loss industry is expected to be valued at $405.4 billion [2]. If diets really worked, this industry would fall overnight. 

1. LaRosa, J. March 10, 2022. "U.S. Weight Loss Market Shrinks by 25% in 2020 with Pandemic, but Rebounds in 2021." Market Research Blog. 2. Staff. February 09, 2023. "[Latest] Global Weight Loss and Weight Management Market Size/Share Worth." Facts and Factors Research. 3. LaRosa, J. March 27, 2023. "U.S. Weight Loss Market Partially Recovers from the Pandemic." Market Research Blog.

Over 50 years of research conclusively demonstrates that virtually everyone who intentionally loses weight by manipulating their eating and exercise habits will regain the weight they lost within 3-5 years. And 75% will actually regain more weight than they lost [4].

4. Mann, T., Tomiyama, A.J., Westling, E., Lew, A.M., Samuels, B., Chatman, J. (2007). "Medicare’s Search For Effective Obesity Treatments: Diets Are Not The Answer." The American Psychologist, 62, 220-233. U.S. National Library of Medicine, Apr. 2007.

The annual odds of a fat person attaining a so-called “normal” weight and maintaining that for 5 years is approximately 1 in 1000 [5].

5. Fildes, A., Charlton, J., Rudisill, C., Littlejohns, P., Prevost, A.T., & Gulliford, M.C. (2015). “Probability of an Obese Person Attaining Normal Body Weight: Cohort Study Using Electronic Health Records.” American Journal of Public Health, July 16, 2015: e1–e6.

Doctors became so desperate that they resorted to amputating parts of the digestive tract (bariatric surgery) in the hopes that it might finally result in long-term weight-loss. Except that doesn’t work either. [6] And it turns out it causes death [7],  addiction [8], malnutrition [9], and suicide [7].

6. Magro, Daniéla Oliviera, et al. “Long-Term Weight Regain after Gastric Bypass: A 5-Year Prospective Study - Obesity Surgery.” SpringerLink, 8 Apr. 2008. 7. Omalu, Bennet I, et al. “Death Rates and Causes of Death After Bariatric Surgery for Pennsylvania Residents, 1995 to 2004.” Jama Network, 1 Oct. 2007.  8. King, Wendy C., et al. “Prevalence of Alcohol Use Disorders Before and After Bariatric Surgery.” Jama Network, 20 June 2012.  9. Gletsu-Miller, Nana, and Breanne N. Wright. “Mineral Malnutrition Following Bariatric Surgery.” Advances In Nutrition: An International Review Journal, Sept. 2013.

Evidence suggests that repeatedly losing and gaining weight is linked to cardiovascular disease, stroke, diabetes and altered immune function [10].

10. Tomiyama, A Janet, et al. “Long‐term Effects of Dieting: Is Weight Loss Related to Health?” Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6 July 2017.

Prescribed weight loss is the leading predictor of eating disorders [11].

11. Patton, GC, et al. “Onset of Adolescent Eating Disorders: Population Based Cohort Study over 3 Years.” BMJ (Clinical Research Ed.), 20 Mar. 1999.

The idea that “obesity” is unhealthy and can cause or exacerbate illnesses is a biased misrepresentation of the scientific literature that is informed more by bigotry than credible science [12]. 

12. Medvedyuk, Stella, et al. “Ideology, Obesity and the Social Determinants of Health: A Critical Analysis of the Obesity and Health Relationship” Taylor & Francis Online, 7 June 2017.

“Obesity” has no proven causative role in the onset of any chronic condition [13, 14] and its appearance may be a protective response to the onset of numerous chronic conditions generated from currently unknown causes [15, 16, 17, 18].

13. Kahn, BB, and JS Flier. “Obesity and Insulin Resistance.” The Journal of Clinical Investigation, Aug. 2000. 14. Cofield, Stacey S, et al. “Use of Causal Language in Observational Studies of Obesity and Nutrition.” Obesity Facts, 3 Dec. 2010.  15. Lavie, Carl J, et al. “Obesity and Cardiovascular Disease: Risk Factor, Paradox, and Impact of Weight Loss.” Journal of the American College of Cardiology, 26 May 2009.  16. Uretsky, Seth, et al. “Obesity Paradox in Patients with Hypertension and Coronary Artery Disease.” The American Journal of Medicine, Oct. 2007.  17. Mullen, John T, et al. “The Obesity Paradox: Body Mass Index and Outcomes in Patients Undergoing Nonbariatric General Surgery.” Annals of Surgery, July 2005. 18. Tseng, Chin-Hsiao. “Obesity Paradox: Differential Effects on Cancer and Noncancer Mortality in Patients with Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus.” Atherosclerosis, Jan. 2013.

Fatness was associated with only 1/3 the associated deaths that previous research estimated and being “overweight” conferred no increased risk at all, and may even be a protective factor against all-causes mortality relative to lower weight categories [19].

19. Flegal, Katherine M. “The Obesity Wars and the Education of a Researcher: A Personal Account.” Progress in Cardiovascular Diseases, 15 June 2021.

Studies have observed that about 30% of so-called “normal weight” people are “unhealthy” whereas about 50% of so-called “overweight” people are “healthy”. Thus, using the BMI as an indicator of health results in the misclassification of some 75 million people in the United States alone [20]. 

20. Rey-López, JP, et al. “The Prevalence of Metabolically Healthy Obesity: A Systematic Review and Critical Evaluation of the Definitions Used.” Obesity Reviews : An Official Journal of the International Association for the Study of Obesity, 15 Oct. 2014.

While epidemiologists use BMI to calculate national obesity rates (nearly 35% for adults and 18% for kids), the distinctions can be arbitrary. In 1998, the National Institutes of Health lowered the overweight threshold from 27.8 to 25—branding roughly 29 million Americans as fat overnight—to match international guidelines. But critics noted that those guidelines were drafted in part by the International Obesity Task Force, whose two principal funders were companies making weight loss drugs [21].

21. Butler, Kiera. “Why BMI Is a Big Fat Scam.” Mother Jones, 25 Aug. 2014. 

Body size is largely determined by genetics [22].

22. Wardle, J. Carnell, C. Haworth, R. Plomin. “Evidence for a strong genetic influence on childhood adiposity despite the force of the obesogenic environment” American Journal of Clinical Nutrition Vol. 87, No. 2, Pages 398-404, February 2008.

Healthy lifestyle habits are associated with a significant decrease in mortality regardless of baseline body mass index [23].  

23. Matheson, Eric M, et al. “Healthy Lifestyle Habits and Mortality in Overweight and Obese Individuals.” Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine : JABFM, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 25 Feb. 2012.

Weight stigma itself is deadly. Research shows that weight-based discrimination increases risk of death by 60% [24].

24. Sutin, Angela R., et al. “Weight Discrimination and Risk of Mortality .” Association for Psychological Science, 25 Sept. 2015.

Fat stigma in the medical establishment [25] and society at large arguably [26] kills more fat people than fat does [27, 28, 29].

25. Puhl, Rebecca, and Kelly D. Bronwell. “Bias, Discrimination, and Obesity.” Obesity Research, 6 Sept. 2012. 26. Engber, Daniel. “Glutton Intolerance: What If a War on Obesity Only Makes the Problem Worse?” Slate, 5 Oct. 2009.  27. Teachman, B. A., Gapinski, K. D., Brownell, K. D., Rawlins, M., & Jeyaram, S. (2003). Demonstrations of implicit anti-fat bias: The impact of providing causal information and evoking empathy. Health Psychology, 22(1), 68–78. 28. Chastain, Ragen. “So My Doctor Tried to Kill Me.” Dances With Fat, 15 Dec. 2009. 29. Sutin, Angelina R, Yannick Stephan, and Antonio Terraciano. “Weight Discrimination and Risk of Mortality.” Psychological Science, 26 Nov. 2015.

There's my "proof." Where is yours?

[starsofang]

thinking about johnny being completely smitten with an extremely reserved reader <3

johnny was head over heels from the very beginning. he couldn’t pinpoint when it had happened, but maybe it was when you first joined the force. at the initial greeting, he’d struck you with one of his bright smiles, only for a blank canvas to stare in return.

you hadn’t said a word, not a peep, and while others would be turned off by such reclusiveness, he was in awe.

an enigma, you were, and johnny was someone who loved a good puzzle.

you were cold and distant, but not in the way that was cruel and unnerving. you didn’t throw out snarky comments, you didn’t show a single bit of rudeness when somebody’s ticked you off. you weren’t hard headed, nor did you pitch a fight. you were a calm sea with peaceful waves lapping at the shore. a light rain on a dry day, one where in ancient times would’ve been a blessing from the gods. as cold as snow, but the kind that layered the ground in a fresh sheet of white right after a blizzard, painting the earth with powdered beauty.

if anything, you weren’t cold at all. you were just so incredibly awkward that johnny couldn’t help but be smitten by it.

you were that type of awkward where social cues were nearly impossible for you to comprehend. jokes didn’t land quite right whenever somebody made them, and you’d give a blank look to whomever fell victim, added on with a dumb “what?” because you didn’t understand it.

johnny’s been an unfortunate victim on many occasions. he’s always the type to nudge you on the shoulder with a crooked grin as he spilled out whatever joke ghost had told him over comms, only to be met with your complete and utter confusion.

that never stopped him, though. if anything, it made him much more determined to search up more jokes on the screen of a burner phone, reading through every single one and noting them in the back of his mind.

you were also as stone-faced as could be. some theorized you were a robot, others thought you were a demon in disguse. an experiment, placed into 141 as a trial run.

really, expressing yourself just wasn’t your thing.

you felt emotions, sure. plenty of them. you could find the humor in the occasional bar night with the force, amused at the linger of carefree conversation that carried between the men. you just didn’t show it.

it wasn’t something you realized until johnny had made the point of asking you if you ever smiled. thinking back on it, you recalled never directly doing so. you’d do it in your head, but when it came down to it, no, no you didn’t.

johnny was determined when keeping a goal in mind, and found himself ruthlessly running towards that goal of seeing you smile. he was enamored in the thought of seeing the slant of your lips when they curved upwards, in seeing your eyes crinkle and glimmer with delight, and he’d go through every single joke website in order to make it happen.

it took him an approximate year of you being in the force to get it to work.

it was lame, really. hardly one of his best jokes, he’d drunkenly slurred out, “what rank are all cats in the army? corpurrral,” with a tongue roll effect to go with it.

you had burst into laughter, filling the bar air with ringing church bells that he swore made the drunken state of his mind believe he was truly on his way to heaven. the gates had opened, inviting him in. he was levitating, slowly floating his way to the clouds.

your smile was like a breath of air — refreshing. it filled his lungs with such purity that all the cigarettes he’d smoked over the years of being in the force seemingly melted the thick layer of tar away, leaving him clean and refurbished.

it was like a drug, and johnny found himself seeking more out to get another taste, even if it took him another year to do so.

this is lowkey self insert bc this is my personality offline and i think other people who are so painfully awkward with socializing are cute and deserve love. wrote this with no sleep and a dream, silly ramble before i go to bed

i also just really love johnny, goodnight

[felassan]

[source (Senior Reporter at Kotaku), linked Kotaku article, two, 'FC 24's performance link', three, four, @/N7SeveranceDay (source of the last two images, "Account supporting BioWare employees laid off in 2023."), five, six, Polygon tweet, Polygon article]

"BioWare Continues to Refuse to Pay Severance" statement transcript:

“BioWare Continues to Refuse to Pay Severance On August 23 of this year, BioWare eliminated “approximately 50 roles at BioWare”. Following the layoffs, seven ex-BioWare employees engaged the services of R. Alex Kennedy to represent their interests, stating that the amount of severance offered was insufficient under Alberta common law. Counsel for the employees has attempted to reach a compromise that would avoid requiring lengthy court proceedings, but BioWare’s lawyers refused any offers to negotiate and settle out of court. The basis of Kennedy’s claim is that according to Alberta precedents and under Canadian law, these employees should be receiving approximately 1.7 months of severance per year of service they gave to BioWare. BioWare has now filed a Statement of Defence, which argues that the seven terminated employees are only entitled to two weeks of severance per year spent in service to BioWare, because of a contract provision that Kennedy says is not enforceable. The filing means BioWare will be taking these former employees to court rather than working towards finding an out of court resolution. The developers involved in the suit have expressed their disappointment: - “We are disappointed that BioWare prefers stalling and intimidation tactics to fair dealing with people who have given years, and in some cases decades, of dedication and hard work to the company.” - “We believe they are using intimidation and stalling tactics to try and get us to drop out. A lot of the more junior employees and those with families, who had more monetary pressure on them, could not risk waiting on a court case that may take many months more to resolve, and have already had to drop out.” - “At the time of the layoffs, BioWare offered us professional assistance in finding new employment, and an additional payment, but ONLY on the condition that we signed an agreement saying we cannot talk about any details of the settlement, and that we would completely waive any right to legal action or even to complain in any way about anyone associated with BioWare now or ever in the future. Tactics like that sure make me think that BioWare knows it is in the wrong.” - “Despite what they publicly announced when they laid us off, this process has been anything but empathetic, respectful, and communicative.” The latest BioWare layoffs were the third round so far this year, and many of the developers affected even in earlier rounds are still searching for work, though some have started to find new positions. Regardless of employment status, the members of the current lawsuit state they remain determined to pursue BioWare in court, regardless of their employment status: - “We strongly believe that if Dragon Age: Dreadwolf does not do as well as BioWare or EA wants at launch, there will be more, even larger layoffs. Therefore, regardless of our own well-being, we believe it is important to hold BioWare responsible and get a clear decision on what settlement amount is legal. We’re no longer part of the development team, so the best way we can help our former teammates now is to hold BioWare accountable and ensure that the next group who is laid off are not treated as poorly as we were.” November 7th marks “N7 Day”, which is a fan celebration of BioWare’s Mass Effect games featuring Commander Shepard and the crew of the Normandy. The developers involved in the lawsuit are hoping N7 Day this year will be a reminder to BioWare of the importance of loyalty to your crew, and hope fans can have a little fun and help express their support with memes and images using an #N7SeveranceDay hashtag. The ex-employees involved in the suit are all based in Canada and have an average of 14 years at BioWare.”

[source]

You can express your support using the hashtag #N7SeveranceDay.

Edit: [Part 2/update] [more on the Keywords topic]

[facingthenorthwind]

AO3 tag capitalisation and why you can't change it

Have you ever tagged your fic in all Title Case and then discovered one of your tags has become all lowercase when you hit save? Or had it become title case when you tried to type it in lowercase? Does this offend your aesthetic sensibilities?

If you said yes to any of these questions, I would like to offer my deepest condolences. I, too, have had this problem. Unfortunately, you can't fix it (except in one very specific situation).

The first time a tag is used determines its capitalisation (unless it becomes a canonical). For example, I'm sure not everyone who tagged kylux au intended for it to be all lowercase, but the first user who tagged it capitalised it that way, and so it remains. This is because the wrangulator (the part of the AO3 backend that handles tags; yes this is what we officially call it) treats different capitalisations of a tag as the same tag, and isn't capable of having it display differently in different fics.

There are two situations where capitalisation can change: firstly, it could become the exact phrasing of a canonical tag. This is what it's called when a tag becomes filterable and multiple tags that mean the same thing (called syns) get connected together and all redirect to the canonical. For more info, you can read this post I wrote! All canonical tags get changed to title case when they're made canonical, because the tag edit page that wranglers can see enables wranglers to change the capitalisation of a tag (it also allows us to change the diacritics, but not anything else). If your tag is a synonym of that canonical, its capitalisation does not get changed, only if you've used the exact phrasing that later becomes canonical (for how to tell what kind of tag something is, please see the post I linked earlier). For example, if I was the first user of the tag "obi-wan on tatooine" and typed it all lowercase, it will remain lowercase even when the tag wrangler syns it to the canonical "Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tatooine". But if I was the first use of "obi-wan kenobi on tatooine" and typed it all lowercase, when it's canonised it will change appearance on my work to be in title case. Tag wranglers will never change the capitalisation of your tag in any other situation.

Secondly, if you are the only use on an unfilterable tag (which means it has not been synned anywhere), it is technically possible to change the capitalisation if you decide that you want to change how it looks later. In order to do so, delete the tag from your work. Then wait approximately 24 hours (give it a few more for leeway) and tag your work again. You should be able to now tag it with different capitalisation. The reason you have to wait 24-ish hours is because of a part of the wrangulator called the rake. The rake deletes any unfilterable tag that has zero uses (except if it's used in a tagset) approximately 24 hours after it's made. Notably, any tag that has been synned to a canonical does not get raked. If you want to check if your zero-use tag has been deleted yet, you can search for its exact text in tag search. If it still exists, it will be a search result and show (0) after it. If it's been deleted, it won't show up at all. It's important to note that just because an unfilterable tag shows up in tag search with (0) after it, that doesn't mean it will be raked in the future! These are usually tags in a tagset, which don't disappear. A tagset (example) is used by people running challenges for participants to have a pool of tags to choose from. There is no way to determine whether a tag is in a tagset, not even as a wrangler! You just have to assume it's the case if it never disappears. And remember, if anyone else has used the tag you're trying to change, it won't work!

So in conclusion: sorry about the tag that is the wrong capitalisation. You almost certainly can't fix it.

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

Legend's Birthday

Pairing: Legend x Reader

Warning(s): Smut, duh.

Notes: It was Legend's birthday a bit ago, so y'all know what that means! Set in the modern world where Legend is a museum-curator-slash-retired-adventurer. Inspired by the beautiful and amazing @h4wari. Hope you enjoy, big sis!!!

Masterlist

If there was one thing you learned from living with Legend, it was how to be sneaky.

He was a lot sharper than most people gave him credit for, and it was as attractive as it was frustrating, considering the predicament you had subjected yourself to over the last week, seeing how snow and seasonal depression weren't the only things heralded by the month of November.

It was Legend's birthday today, and you had pulled out all the stops to keep him from discovering your little scheme to celebrate his special day.

It's not a big deal, you remembered him saying after you nearly had a meltdown last November after realizing you had been missing his birthday for the past few years of your relationship. I'm always busy when they happen, so why bother?

Why bother? Because you loved him, damnit!

So, naturally, you set a private calendar notice a week before the event to prepare. There were many conventional ways to celebrate birthdays–eating cake, giving presents, going out for a nice dinner, letting the birthday person pick the movie of the night–but neither you or Legend were particularly conventional, which led you to a fine invention known as the Internet.

The search results had been appropriately varied, ranging from Reddit's suggestions of diving hand-in-hand off the Golden Gate Bridge (exhilarating, but you wanted to be alive afterward) to booking a last-minute year-long cruise across the world, which, while you were sure he might appreciate, was neither within your long-term interests or price range.

So, really, the bunny costume you haphazardly ordered from a random shady website was a mix of both worlds, and you couldn't be blamed for the impromptu trip you made to the grocery store in search of baby carrots once your dear boyfriend traipsed to work, bidding you farewell with a grumpily-affectionate kiss that made your heart flutter and your brain cackle at the surprise he was about to receive in a few hours.

The costume arrived two hours after Legend departed. You giddily slipped on the ensemble: a swimsuit-esque bodysuit made out of maroon leather that shone in the dim light of your shared bedroom, followed by some black cuff links, a small choker that did nothing of the sort, and a headband with pink-tipped bunny ears shooting from the black band, a bendable wire running through the middle of each one to allow for easy customization.

After adjusting the ears to your liking, one bent and the other sticking straight up like a fat little antenna, you strode to the closet and found the real prize: the fluffiest bunny tail butt plug the internet had to offer, which was saying something. You grabbed the plug and a small bottle of lube, squirting a bit on the tip and fiddling for the small hole in the back of your leotard, positioning the plug where it needed to be before slowly working it in. The sensation of being stretched was strange, but not in a bad way, and you gave your ass a few experimental shakes, shrugging when all you felt was a gentle tug as the fabric of your bodysuit shifted.

Feeling ready to tackle the rest of your day, you walked (hobbled) down to the kitchen, retrieving the baby carrots and putting them in a small bowl before moving to your next project: the cake currency cooling in the refrigerator. You had baked and frosted it prior to getting dressed, so there was only one thing left to do before your boyfriend came home in approximately thirty minutes.

You opened the refrigerated and pulled the cake from the top shelf, setting it on the counter as you retrieved the prepared piping bags–pink and red, of course–approaching the dessert with a determined expression.

This was it. Your magnum opus, if you do say so yourself. You would be the first to admit that your baking skills weren't exactly stellar, nor were you particularly good at decorating, but damnit, if you weren't going to do your hardest to make this the best birthday cake he had seen in his life.

You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you brought the piping bag down to the frosted canvas before you, just begging to be defiled in the best of ways. With nigh-unbreakable concentration, you carefully penned the words 'happy birthday' onto the top half of the cake in smooth red icing. A smile broke across your face as you scanned the writing, realizing, with a healthy dose of relief, that it was legible and there were no grievous spelling errors that would send him into a conniption.

"Fuck yeah," you muttered, hastily adjusting the slightly-slipping headband before grabbing the pink icing, spelling out his name in curvy pastel letters that took up the rest of the cake. It wasn't a masterpiece, by any means, but it was beautiful in a DIY kind of way, and that was good enough for you.

Your phone buzzed from the counter and you practically shot over, reading the message on the screen with wide eyes.

It was Legend.

And he was heading home.

Now.

"Shit, shit," you cursed under your breath, hurrying to (gently) shove the piping bags and cake back into the refrigerator before darting upstairs to retrieve the other present you had gotten him–a collection of leather-bound notebooks for him to catalogue his observations during work–before sprinting back down to set the neatly-wrapped box on the kitchen counter, making sure the house was spotless before practically throwing yourself on the living room couch with the bowl of carrots, heart pounding as you crunched on one of the small sticks.

This was it... and you were simultaneously terrified and excited to see his reaction.

There was quiet click and the front door swung open.

Legend loved his job as the Head Curator at Hylia University.

After many, many years of grueling adventuring for whatever company paid him, it was a nice change of pace to be able to sit down and catalogue some fancy rocks, all the while sipping his home-brewed coffee and scoffing with other veterans about the interns.

Which was what he was doing right now, except he wasn't sitting or sipping or scoffing. The red-haired intern cowered as he pinched his temples, letting out a sigh dry enough to drain the ocean.

"What is this, Nicole?" he asked, voice deceptively calm as the other interns shifted nervously around him, their eyes rippling around the area like a patch of particularly turbulent waves. "And don't tell me it's a rock."

"I won't," she squeaked, and Legend had the distinct urge to shake her by the shoulders.

"It's a ruby," he said flatly, watching as her soul withered under his gaze. Good. His eyes fixed to the certain display she had attempted to place the ruby, which now sat in her tumbling hands, in. "And where did you just put it?"

Silence.

Then.

"The igneous rock display...?" Her tone was edged with terror, and he had the feeling that she would have pissed herself had he not been her boss.

"Nicole," his arms crossed over his chest as he sent her a look. "Why in Hylia would you put it there?"

"It's a rock," she all but whimpered, and Legend had to physically bite his tongue to force himself to listen to the rest of her insane logic. "And I think the mineral composition is similar to the ones from this–"

He held up a hand, putting a stop to the madness taking place. The other interns shifted like a flock of restless geese, waiting for his next move with bated, shuddering breath. Weirdos. "I don't know what's worse," he began. "That you think a metamorphic rock belongs in the igneous display or that you didn't think to place it in the gemstone display, with the other gemstones" Legend gestured to the display at the end of the room with a 'are you serious?' expression. "Did the sign just float away or do I need to enlarge the font for you?"

Her bottom lip trembled, eyes crinkling a bit at the corners, and he sighed. "Do not cry," Legend warned, tone leaving no room for argument. "Just go put it in the gemstone display."

"But sir–" another intern pipped up, and Legend silenced him with a thick glare.

"What, Dillon?" he growled, a headache already brewing at the promise of more fuckery. "What could you possibly have to add?"

"We can't put it in that display," Dillon said, tone edging with the same apprehension that Nicole's had possessed earlier. He ran a hand through his brown hair, looking like he was internally praying to whatever deity existed for protection against their ornery boss. "It's broken."

Legend's eye twitched. "Broken? How?"

"By you, sir," another intern said weakly, looking like they would rather die than be here. "During the burglary attempt last week."

Ah, he had almost forgotten about that. Legend may not have been the young, spry adventurer he once was, but it didn't mean he didn't still have it, as he had shown last week by punching a would-be burglar into the gemstone display case, securing their hands together with a length of measuring tape as the interns watched, practically on their knees in awe. You had laughed like a maniac when he shared that particular experience over a meal at the mom and pop restaurant in town, and the memory would have brought a smile to his face had he not been with the current company.

"And why isn't it fixed?" he rubbed his temples in an attempt to alleviate the brewing headache. "Who's in charge of glass maintenance?"

"Maurice is," Dillon coughed into his fist, and Legend felt his expression sour further.

Maurice, an ancient custodian who had been working here since before he had been born, but Legend more commonly thought of the other man as the current bane of his existence. The old fart was perpetually late, never cleaned the exhibits properly, and, for some bizarre reason, really enjoyed the smell of pipe cleaner. Probably more than a sane person should have, Legend had come to realize when he caught the man sniffing from the bottle in between halfhearted scrubs of said pipes, only to threaten to douse him in alcohol in a manner that had Legend backing out of the room with his middle fingers raised protectively.

"Of course he is," Legend grumbled. "Well, someone get the horn and summon him or, I don't know, just leave the ruby in the igneous display."

"But you said–"

"Not another word, Nicole," the blonde silenced her with a raise of his hand. "Now, I'm going to get some coffee, and I expect that ruby to be with the gemstones when I get back. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir," Nicole nodded, clutching the stone a bit tighter as her eyes flashed with determination. "Shall I label it?"

"Don't push your luck, Nicole," he turned and strode down the hall toward the cafeteria, pushing some hair from his face, grimacing slightly when a deridingly pink strand stood out against his skin. He was never one for that color, but after a terrible Halloween accident involving temporary hair dye and setting conditioner, he found it was just one of the things he would have to live with, especially when you assured him that pink was most definitely his color, much to his (amused) chagrin.

The line for coffee wasn't horrendously long, leaving him with a few short minutes to contemplate the day before receiving a cup of his favorite brew: black as his soul with a hidden sprinkle of sugar. While he typically preferred your coffee to the store-bought alternatives, he had already finished the thermos you sent him off with, leaving him high and dry amidst the madness of the day.

With a huff, Legend started to his office, offhandedly checking his watch. 5:02 pm, which meant only twenty-eight minutes separated him from you.

Legend allowed himself to smile as he pushed into the office, collapsing in the first seating arrangement he saw, a plush chair typically reserved to comfort the unfortunate souls that found themselves in his lair. You were always the highlight of his day, and not even redheaded interns putting rubies in igneous rock displays could dampen his excitement, especially when his calendar dinged and the realization that it was his birthday hit harder than any insane custodian.

Birthdays had always been a bit of a sore spot for him, which only increased when he began dating you. He didn't need anything special, it was just another day, and yet you had seemed genuinely distressed when it was revealed that you had inadvertently missed his birthday for the past three years, swearing up and down to make this year the best one he had ever had. Legend highly doubted that, mostly because he had kept a careful eye on your shared bank account for any... suspicious purchases, which there were none, and you seemed to have all but forgotten about it. Good. He was just fine without being fawned over for forcing his mother to undergo hours of excruciating agony to bring him into his world.

Still, there was a small part of him that hoped you remembered, if only to hear your sweet voice wishing him a 'happy birthday', but he was more than content to simply live his life like it was any other day.

Legend checked his watch again.

5:09 pm.

...Fuck it.

The chair creaked as he abruptly stood up, grabbing his coat from the wall and striding out of the office like he owned the place, not bothering to send any warning to the interns over their newfangled 'Groupme' app because, damnit, it was his birthday and he didn't need to take their bullshit until tomorrow.

Besides, he had a house to get home to.

You nearly dropped the bowl when the door began to swing open, a millisecond away from choking on the carrot in your mouth as Legend's form filled the doorway.

He was home.

Early.

You had spent so much time preparing your outfit and the cake and the presents that you had completely forgotten to prepare your heart along with them

"Hi," you squeaked, feeling very much like the rabbit you were dressed as he took in the sigh of you, perched on the couch with a bowl of carrots in your lap and an apprehensive expression on your face. '"..You're home early."

"Yeah," said your boyfriend eloquently, eyes glued to your form. A red blush bloomed over his cheeks, which were already a bit pink from the cold. "You–"

"Are you hungry?" You asked at the same time, hesitantly bringing another carrot to your red-painted lips, biting it in half with a small crunch. His gaze snapped to your mouth, and you could have sworn you saw him gulp. "There's... there's cake in the kitchen."

He glanced over, but not for long, eyes returning to your body. You had always loved the color of his eyes, so intensely blue that you swore they looked purple with the right lighting. When he remained silent, you drew in a breath.

"Happy birthday," you felt a bit embarrassed from the way his eyebrows shot up in disbelief at the phrase. "I know I missed it the last few years, but I promise I'll do better, so, um, happy birthday. Again."

Legend blinked a few times, and it was in that moment that you noticed just how white his knuckles had gotten around the handle of his briefcase. "Is that...?"

You nodded, placing the bowl on the end table as you waited for his true reaction.

"You're wearing a..." he hesitated, and you tried to sit a bit straighter under his gaze, which wasn't unusual, but it felt a lot more poignant in this moment. "...bunny costume."

"Yes," you said, feeling a bit ashamed.

"For me?"

"Who else?" you forced a small smile, ears flopping as you nodded on instinct. "I'm sorry if it's weird–"

"It's not," he interjected, setting his briefcase down and locking the door with one hand. "Not weird, I mean."

You bit your lip, praying to Hylia that he would do something. "...Can I get you anything?"

"You," Legend said, and you nearly jumped when he shucked off his coat and strode over, coming to a stop just inches in front of you. a callused hand grasped your chin, encouraging you to meet his gaze. His smile was both gentle and feral, and you shivered a bit at the desire rolling in his irises.

"Me?"

"Yes," was his response before he bent down and kissed you, tongue lapping at the seam of your lips to deepen the action, mouth moving against yours in a way that made you want to melt into him. He tasted faintly of store-bought coffee and you were tempted to tease him for cheating on you, but it was neither the place nor the time, especially when his free hand grabbed your hip, a bit chilly against your warmed skin. You wrapped your hands around his biceps, pulling him closer and sighing into his mouth.

Legend drew away first, breathing deepening as he stared into your eyes. His expression was soft, and still a bit shocked, like he couldn't quite believe was he was seeing. That's okay, you'd make him believe it.

"You're amazing," he broke the silence, leaning forward to kiss the crown of your head, mere inches away from the bunny headband.

"I'm not," you joked, earning a look.

"You are," this time, he pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, which you had neglected to paint in the likeness of an actual rabbit. Oh well, next time. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Since last year," you admitted far too quickly, expression turning a bit sheepish. Your fingers dug gently into the muscles of his forearm. "I wanted to make up for... you know."

"You didn't have to," he mused, hand tracing a line from your hip to the tail, stroking gently over the puffed ball. It was round and soft, quivering slightly when he thumbed at it. "Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"But I wanted to–!" you countered, only to interrupt yourself with a gasp when he gave the tail an experimental tug.

"Hmm," he hummed, tone a bit distracted. His other hand moved to the front of the bodysuit, knuckles running over the pleated leather. "Why a bunny, though?"

You recovered enough to send him a soft grin. "You like bunnies."

"I like you," Legend corrected with an answering smile, and it was hard not to laugh at the cheesiness of the statement.

"Same difference," you chuckled, sitting up a bit straighter when a hand ghosted over your breast, though it quickly swung up to cup your cheek as he pulled you into another dizzying kiss. You sighed into his mouth and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down to your level.

Time seemed to meld together as you connected, mouths moving to an invisible beat. You ran your tongue against his own, drawing a shiver from the man. It didn't take a genius to notice the straining bulge in his shorts, and you were determined to make this the best birthday ever. "Link," you whispered against his lips, earning a curious look. "Is that a carrot in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"Carrot," he responded immediately, and you snorted in response, breaking the kiss to shoot him a saucy grin.

"Oo, does that mean it's up to eat?"

This time, it was Legend's turn to snort. "You're ridiculous."

"And you're about to get lucky," you laughed, moving your hands down to undo the buttons of this shirt, which was promptly thrown over his shoulder once it was off, revealing miles and miles of warm, slightly-tanned skin for your perusal. His cheeks still held the lightest pink tinge, and you discovered that the flush hadn't stopped there, extending down the smooth plane of his neck to stain the tops of his shoulders. A smattering of thin, silvery scars crisscrossed his abdomen, a testament to his adventures in the great unknown. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

Legend flushed a bit darker

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled, but you knew that he secretly loved the praise. You loved it, too.

"No, really," you stroked a hand from his pectoral to his obliques, relishing in the shiver the action earned you. "I could look at you all day."

He looked ready to reply, but your fingers drifted to the waistband of his shorts, unbuckling his belt with practiced ease, the item soon joining his shirt on the floor. "Is this okay?" you asked softly, pointer finger toying with the shiny metal button holding it all together.

"More than," Legend said without missing a beat, face tinted a brilliant red that made you want to kiss him breathless. You didn't hesitate, popping the button and sliding the zipper down in quick succession. With a smile that was far more devious that you wanted to admit, you slid your hand under the fabric and wrapped it around the hot, straining length of his cock, giving the sensitive flesh a gentle squeeze as a breath shuddered from his chest. "Fuck, (Y/n)–"

"Shh," you soothed, your unoccupied hand coming up to cup his right hipbone. "Sit down for me?"

Legend nodded wordlessly, allowing you to guide him to plop down on the couch, legs spread and cock tenting the already wet fabric of his underwear. You sank down between his thighs, movement hindered only by the tail still lodged deep inside you, and quickly freed his dick, pulling his boxers just under his balls.

You didn't give him much time to prepare, licking a long, hot stripe up the underside of his cock, cleverly flicking the quivering tip with the flat of your tongue. Legend's fingers immediately sunk into the couch cushions, abs visibly tightening as he groaned to the ceiling. The sound sent a rush of liquid heat spiraling through your bones, igniting every nerve in your body, and you grinned, feeling more confident that you had in days. "I love you," you murmured against his length, planting a sloppy kiss to the side of it, and Legend sucked in a sharp breath, watching you with half-lidded eyes and a blush bright enough to put the sun to shame.

"I love you too," he whispered back, and you rewarded him with a slow lick to the flushed head of his dick, eagerly lapping at the salty pre burbling from the fat tip. A hand found its place on the top of your head, gently toying with the rabbit ears attached to your head. "Hah– (Y/n)–"

You said his name in response, breath ghosting deliciously over the wet skin of his length before you moved to take him in your mouth, starting with the flushed head. Legend's remaining hand gripped the cushion harder as he fought for control, but it was for naught when your tongue swirled over the quivering flesh, drawing a series of groans from his pink, parted lips. You preened at the noise, relaxing your throat to fit a bit more of him into your mouth, beginning to suck when you were satisfied.

"Ah–!" Legend practically cried when the suction registered. He called your name once more, tone pitching as your cheeks hollowed more and more, tongue idly flicking the underside of his head. "Shit, you're s-so good at this–"

Your response was to suck harder, relishing in the way his hips inadvertently bucked, forcing a good few inches of him into your mouth. Legend groaned, attempting to curb the motion, if the obvious strain in his abdomen and thighs meant anything, but you didn't mind. He was always so worried about pushing boundaries or hurting you, which was sweet, but you weren't made of glass. "Mm, fuck, sorry–" he panted, but you merely took him deeper, huffing softly to let him know it was okay.

Legend trembled like a leaf by the time you began to move, bobbing your head in a familiar rhythm, one hand intertwining with his--the contact a sort of whispered intimacy that never failed to make your heart mush and your knees weak--while the other stroked the base of his length, creating a pseudo-block just in case he did subconsciously decide to harpoon your throat again. "Oh, Hylia," he gasped, fingers digging so hard into the couch that you feared it would rip. "'M not gonna last–"

The warning had the opposite effect, with you sucking even harder around his trembling, leaking length, thumb stretching down to caress his balls with a featherlight touch. His moans pitched in volume and tone, until he was nearly keening under your hands, babbling something unintelligible as you worked him over, popping off his cock every so often to lave licks and kisses over the shuddering flesh, making sure to pay extra attention to the flushed head, which quivered oh-so-deliciously beneath the arched flat of your tongue. It was a far cry from the gruff, ornery persona he employed to face the rest of the world, and seeing him crumble under your attentions was the best feeling in Hyrule, especially when his hips jerked softly, nudging the head of his cock deeper into your waiting mouth.

"Shit, (Y/n)," he hissed, gazing down at you with a lovestruck expression that made your core throb. His chest heaved and you didn't fail to notice the way his dick seemed to stiffen against your tongue, balls drawing up slightly under your thumb. He was close, and you knew it. "Please, love, c-can I–?"

As if he even had to ask. You responded by drawing up, the head of his cock just barely within the confines of your lips, and sinking back down, taking him to the hilt. Legend let out a shout, lips falling open as his orgasm hit him like a meteor. His hands flew to your head, gently tangling in your hair and pulling slightly when the first spurt of cum flooded your mouth, then the second, and the third. Your boyfriend trembled as you brought him down with slow, easy suckles around the head, happily drinking down his release. It tasted salty, but not enough to be gross, with the faintest hint of sweetness that you just knew was attributed to the pineapple juice he'd taken a liking to a year back.

"Fu-fuck," Legend's chest heaved as he watched you swallow his seed, looking very much like a man who had just seen the Goddess herself.

You licked your lips, feeling a bit shy under his gaze. "How was it?" the words spilled from your mouth before you could stop them, but you truly did want to know. You always wanted to make him feel good.

"It was amazing," Legend responded, voice deliciously breathy as he bent to plant a kiss on your forehead, one hand coming down to tenderly wipe a bit of cum from your cheek. "Thank you."

"No, thank you," you countered with a soft grin, and he rolled his eyes, patting the spot beside him. You happily stood up, idly stretching your sore joints before plopping down next to him, hands folded in your lap. They didn't stay that way for long, because he was suddenly pulling you into a deep kiss, uncaring of the taste on your tongue. "Mmph, Link–"

Legend's hands found your hips, kneading the soft flesh as your mouths melded together, unhurried and slow, just how you liked it. One hand crept up to cup your left breast, and you mewled when his mouth moved to ghost along the column of your neck. "You're incredible," he breathed into your flesh, leaving swathes of gooseflesh in his wake. "I mean it."

"I love you," you whispered through clenched teeth, because it was the only thing you could say. Because it was the only thing you would say. "Happy birthday, Link."

"You too, (Y/n)."

And he was kissing you again, hands roaming your back in search of the hidden zipper. Once located, he slowly tugged it down, dragging the calloused tips of his fingers down the curve of your spine as he went, eliciting shiver after shiver from your poor body. Your arms wrapped around his upper back, fingers tangling in the hair at the base of his head, gently tugging at the blonde strands to coax a rumbled groan from his chest.

Legend's head dipped to the crook of your neck and shoulder, sucking a deep bruise into the soft skin. You gasped softly when he delivered a playful nip to the affected flesh, the prick of his teeth sending shockwaves down to your very soaked core, which only grew more wet when several fingers bushed against the tail lodged inside you, toying with the furry addition. "Oh!"

"Is this alright?" he asked against your shoulder, and your heart swelled at the genuine concern in his tone.

"Mhm," you confirmed, shivering anew when the touches grew more serious, until he pulled it from you entirely with a lewd squelch. You hissed a breath through your teeth when a finger circled the rim of your ass, dipping in easily due to the lube. "Ah, Link–"

"It's okay," he hummed softly, moving up to kiss the shell of your ear, tongue darting out to lick the tip. "Tell me if it's too much."

Unlikely, but if he insisted. You had played around with that hole a few times before, though Legend was always sure to confirm that you were okay with it and not trying to mindlessly please him. While you didn't quite understand the concept, you were happy that he was checking, even if it got a bit silly, at times. A low groan left you when he added a second finger, slowly scissoring them against your walls. "Oh, Goddesses–"

Legend's lips found yours as his fingers worked, only replacing them with the plug when you began to shift your hips, grinding your wet core against his knee, a thin layer of slick coating the exposed skin. You whimpered at the action, and downright moaned when your swollen nub of a clit inadventatly grazed his knee bone. Fuck, that felt good. "Please, I need–!"

"I know," he soothed, gently dragging the bodysuit down to pool at your hips, revealing your skin to his half-lidded gaze. His head dipped down to mouth hickeys on the tops of your breasts, while your fingers returned to his hair, weaving into the soft blonde strands. "I got you."

"Y-Yeah?" You panted, feeling unfairly warm despite the chill of the outside weather. Legend nodded, laving his tongue over your right breast before delivering a tender bite. When you yelped, he pressed a soft kiss to the affected area. "Ah!"

When he was satisfied, Legend pressed more kisses to your chest, moving lower and lower with each passing second. Your grip on his hair tightened, drawing a soft hiss from the man, and you quickly loosened, murmuring apologies. He kissed your belly in response, hands trailing down your supple sides, passing over your ribs and eventually settling atop your hips, right where the fabric of the bodysuit was bunched. "Can I...?"

"Please," you breathed, core tightening with anticipation, and he didn't hesitate to yank the damp fabric down your legs, throwing it to the wayside before settling back between your legs. You scooted so that your back was flush against the armrest of the couch, thighs spread wide.

"You're gorgeous," he said as soon as you were situated, leaning down to press the gentlest of kisses to your clit, eliciting a soft gasp. You waited for the next action, which would either be a long, flat lick up the length of your cunt or a trail of bites down your thigh, but neither came. In fact, he seemed a bit nervous. "Actually, could we...?"

Your face flushed when he laid on his back, hands raised expectantly. This was new, but you found yourself liking it. "Are you sure?" you asked, not wanting to crush him, especially with so much of your weight on his head and neck.

"Mhm," he confirmed, a bit shifty-eyed, yet still sincere. It wasn't often that he proposed new ideas in the bedroom, and you about to discourage his attempts, so you hesitantly scooted forward so that your hips were parallel with his face, hovering a few inches in the air while your hands planting themselves on his chest for stability.

Legend's breath ghosted over your core and you shuddered. "How do you–?"

"Just sit," he encouraged, hands applying gentle pressure to your thighs in an attempt to coax you down. "Like a chair."

You felt your brows furrow. Was that even safe, having that much pressure on those areas? Goddesses, you did not want to explain to the paramedics why he had broken his neck or skull if this went wrong. "But won't that–?"

"It's safe, don't worry," he interjected softly, tongue darting out to skim the barest edges of your folds, drawing a garbled moan from your chest. "Trust me, okay?"

"I am trusting you," you huffed, though you relented quickly when he tugged at your thighs, tone almost pleading.

"Please? Don't I get one birthday wish?"

You snorted, still hovering. "You're going to use your birthday wish to get me to sit on your face?"

"Yes," there was no hesitation from your boyfriend, and you found yourself laughing, all traces of nerves melting away as the sound rang through the house.

"Fine, fine," you relented. "But if it hurts or you need air, you tell me, okay?"

"Yes, dear," said Legend in a tone that made you want to (gently) smack him. The bastard was teasing you, but your irritation soon melted away when he leaned up, sealing his mouth around your pussy, and used the suction to drag you down a few inches. You went with a hissed breath, aided by the hands kneading into the flesh of your thighs, coaxing you to settle atop his face. "There you go," he mumbled, sending shockwaves through your folds. "Good?"

You didn't trust yourself to speak, so you nodded with an affirming noise, fingers digging slightly into his chest as you fought to stay upright in the face of the onslaught of pleasure. A low groan rumbled from your boyfriend's chest, his tongue sliding against your core like it belonged there. You bit your lip, eyeing his erection, which stood tall and proud, a bit of pre leaking onto the semi-defined muscles of his abdomen, and desire won out. You wrapped a shaky hand around the hard length, earning a muffled moan against your sex and a gentle bite to the crease of your inner thigh and hip, a warning that had your toes practically curling.

Legend's tongue slicked up and down, alternating between long, slow strokes to short, deft flicks that made your core burn with arousal. Your hips rocked–slowly, at first–as you ground yourself against his face, your nails imprinting thin white streaks across his skin. He didn't seem to mind, if the soft groans and appreciative sucks to your clit were any indication. Your voice rose, ringing through the room, and a hand detached from your thigh to cup one of your breasts, thumb flicking over your nipple until it grew hard enough to cut glass.

You responded by gripping his cock harder, beginning to pump the slick appendage in an attempt to give back what you were getting. It was his birthday, damnit!

His mouth moved to latch onto your nub once more, and your hips faltered. "Oh, fuck," you moaned unabashedly, back arching as molten heat swept through your core, igniting every nerve in your body. It was simultaneously too much and not enough. Your core clenched around nothing, and you would have felt embarrassed had his tongue not chosen that exact moment to dip between your folds, softly circling your entrance before worming inside, dragging deliciously against your inner walls. Your moans rose in pitch as your hands scrabbled at his chest, looking for something–anything–to ground yourself with.

Legend hummed, fondling your breast with purpose, intent on feeling you cum from his mouth alone. Sweat beaded on your brow when his tongue grazed that spongey spot within you, sending shockwaves up your spine, ricocheting against every little corner of your body. Your heart pounded like a drum in your heaving chest, just as a coil began to form in your belly. "Link," you whined, wishing you could grab his hair to pull him closer, but you settled with stroking him as best you could in your addled state. "Please, baby, 'm close–"

"I know," his voice, gruff from effort, vibrated deliciously against your center. The hand on your breast moved down to rub your achy clit, while the one on your thigh caught your own hand, holding it in a tender embrace. "Cum for me, love."

You did just that, wailing your release to the ceiling as it crashed down on you like a rogue waves, zings of pleasure swirling up your spine as your lower body threatened to buckle. Your thighs trembled impressively as your boyfriend worked you through it, lapping at your oversensitive folds until you were sure you were going to lose your mind. "Ah, Link, fuck, it's t-too much–!"

His mouth immediately popped off, though not before delivering one last lave to your poor clit. You hissed at the sensation, body practically folding in half as you collapsed onto his chest. "Oh my Hylia," you breathed when your lungs finally began cooperating again. "That was..."

"Delicious," Legend said, and you could just hear the smirk in his tone.

"Shut up," you groaned, regaining a bit of your lost composure. You rose, shifting your hips so that you were sitting on his abdomen, facing him. Legend sat up on his elbows, ears perked with interest, and his cock pressed hotly against the curve of your ass. "Do you want to keep going?"

At your question, he sat up fully, arms wrapping around your back and pulling you close. "What do you think?" Legend asked softly, head dipping to suck at one of the marks on your neck. You hummed, one hand weaving through his hair and tugging, encouraging him to meet your lips in a sweet kiss.

When you broke apart, panting softly, you grinned: "I love you."

Your boyfriend's eyes glimmered with adoration, and his grip tightened, inadvertently pushing your hips back against his straining dick. Whatever he was going to say was drowned out by a low, needy moan, and you were fairly sure you could have cum untouched from the sound alone. "Please," he said in a tone that sounded suspiciously close to begging. "I want to feel you."

"How do you want it?"

Legend's face flushed, and you had to physically force yourself not to chuckle. It had taken a good few years to get him fully comfortable with expressing his desires in the bedroom, and, by Hylia, were you glad his only reservations now seemed to be a misplaced sense of embarrassment. For the Goddess' sake, you had dressed in a rabbit costume for his birthday, so you doubted anything he wanted would shock you. Still, you were happy to wait patiently, hands moving to his shoulders to knead the tense muscles.

"On top," he finally blurted, blush illuminating his cheeks. "Please."

"As you wish, Sir Bunny," you grinned, plating a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. Just because you were the one dressed up didn't mean that you couldn't have a bit of fun.

Your boyfriend didn't have time to laugh before you grabbed his length, giving it a few good pumps before angling the head against your dripping entrance and sinking down. The slide was easy, aided by the copious fluids, and the stretch was something that had your thighs trembling harshly, which only made the friction that much sweeter. A hand gripped your hip, softly guiding the process, but you hardly needed it, moaning long and loud when your hips met with a filthy squelch. "Ah– Link!"

Legend's breath shuddered against the shell of your ear. He nipped the cartilage, earning a soft gasp, before his hand entangled in your own hair, pulling you in for a deep kiss. You opened your month on instinct, allowing his tongue to explore to his heart's content. He was a former adventurer, after all. "Fuck," he breathed, fingers sinking into the flesh of your hip. "You feel so good. 'M not gonna last much longer."

"Me neither," you panted back, your previous activities leaving you more high-strung than a power line. You broke apart, whimpering when he sucked more marks down the column of your neck, occasionally scraping his teeth against tender, trembling skin. Your hips rose on their own accord, only stopping when the head of his dick was just barely within the warmth of your walls. Legend whined lowly, and you sank back down, practically mewling at the stretch.

You continued to move, finding a breakneck pace that had your thighs burning from exertion, though you rather liked it, a sense of urgency broiling in your gut as your boyfriend moaned beneath you, too far gone to bother muffling his noises. His thumb slipped between your legs to help you along, the rough pad stimulating your overstimulated clit until you could hardly think, hips moving up and down as if they had a mind of their own. "F-Fuck," your name fell from Legend's kiss-swollen lips, the look in his half-lidded eyes so full of need that you could have died happy. "Can I– inside?"

"Yes," you responded without missing a beat, a bit surprised by how hot the idea sounded. The thought of him painting your walls white drove you wild. Your hands dragged down his back as you slammed yourself down on him, the head of his cock jamming that one spot within you. "Link, I need you!"

Legend yanked you in for a kiss, and your orgasm hit like a freight train, with your vision actually whiting out for a second as waves of pleasure wracked through your poor, oversensitive body, threatening to tear you apart at the seams. You were dimly aware of the chocked sob escaping your throat, followed by scalding warmth as Legend's cum filled you, thick and slick. The hand in your hair tightened, keeping you in place to meet the slight roll of his hips, prolonging your pleasure until there was nothing left.

After what felt like an eternity, you parted, panting like you had run a marathon. You met his gaze through your lashes, forcing yourself to breathe as the fog of arousal began to recede, leaving you boneless and satisfied. Legend's face was flushed a deep red, the color swooping down to paint his shoulders and chest. He was so beautiful, even while flushed, sweaty, and covered in fluids, still half-hard inside you.

"Wow." You breathed.

"Yeah."

Legend smiled weakly, and you took the opportunity to cup his cheeks, thumbs rubbing soft circles over his flesh. Your lips met, and it was as perfect as you wanted. When you parted, there was a new, more coherent expression on his face: nervousness.

You blinked, concern etched across your face. "Honey, are you--?"

"Marry me," he blurted, and the world stopped. Your mouth actually fell open, jaw slack as you processed his words. You had always assumed he was fine with dating–it wasn't like you needed a piece of paper and fancy ceremony to prove you loved each other–but yet...

"Oh my goddesses," you breathed, and his face fell a bit.

"I'm sorry," he said in a tone that made you wanna to throw up. "I should have waited– you can pretend I never–"

Your heart actually withered and you struggled to correct the situation. "NO. No. Um. Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!"

"You will?" the light returned to his eyes and every nerve in your body rejoiced when his hold tightened around you, betraying his bolstering excitement. Blue eyes glimmered. "You mean it?"

"Mhm," you nodded, injecting as much sincerity as you could in your response. "Let's get married, Link."

He kissed you, and it was everything you could have asked for; not needy or hungry, but soft, tender, a joining as old as time itself.

It was everything.

He was everything.

"I love you," Legend spoke when you broke apart, holding you to his chest like he was scared of letting go. "So much. Thank you."

You locked gazes with him and smiled. "I love you too."

You may not have been the best with remembering birthdays, but now, you had the rest of your life to make it up to him.

As you can see, I'm taking my ES/Bio major very seriously in these fics.

The ending is a bit rushed, but I'll come back and edit it tonight <33

[blueteller]

Hi, dear person! Do you happen to know around how old Bud was when he used the cup or if he was already mercenary king? I feel like he probably became that afterwards but cannot remember if it was mentioned for the life of me or even what did bro have that he was dying TT

Sorry for bothering you with this but idk who'd be able to answer. The fandom wiki didn't mention it.

Hello, dear person!

I honestly did not recall whether Bud ever used the jar himself or not at first. So I searched for any mention of it. Here's what I found:

‘Based on the history left with my family, the jar has been used three times until now.’

-TCF Part 1 Chapter 347

And:

‘Is it fine to just bring that jar out? Isn’t it an ancient artifact?’ ‘Yes.’ The Mercenary King then continued in a serious tone. ‘You just need to return it within three days.’ […] ‘…Does that mean Eruhaben-nim can’t break it when he uses it?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Why?’ Bud Illis had looked down. ‘The curse of the wind blades around Wind Island will chase after the person who took the artifact and destroyed it.’ One of the gatekeepers in the Mercenary King’s household had tried to steal the ancient artifact and run. However, that gatekeeper was killed like the other corpses of Wind Island three days later. Even the gatekeeper’s family members were all killed except one person to continue the line. They were killed even though they were not at Wind Island. The wind was said to have chased after them no matter where they were. As for the ancient artifact, it was swept up by a whirlwind and returned to its proper spot. ‘Nobody dared to desire that ancient artifact after that. Many gatekeepers never even went into the temple because they were afraid of the curse.’ They were worried that they might get greedy and try to run with the ancient artifact. They were also worried that they would use it to heal someone and the jar would reach its limit. Many different fears prevented the gatekeepers from taking it. ‘But you were a gatekeeper who went in and used it?’ ‘You’re right. I am a bit brave. Thanks to that, I was able to determine the approximate number of remaining times it could be used, as well as its limits. What do you think? Friend, don’t you think you’re going to lose this drinking bet?’

-TCF Part 1 Chapter 349

Bud Illis said that the jar had been used three times, according to his family's history. Which means there were two before himself, with additional one who tried to steal the jar. Making Eruhaben the fourth and last person to use it.

Bud's age isn't specified, but since Adin's men found out a rumor about an aritfact that could "give a person a new life", I assume it was old news; there is quite big distance between the two continents and international information flow is slow, even taking Arm into account. And the jar was supposed to be a secret, so. So the events when Bud used it took place probably quite some time before canon timeline.

Bud is a regular human, he can't be REALLY old like Beast People or Elves or Dragons; his age is never specified, but the fact that he's never described as very young or very old makes me believe he's somewhere in his 30's. Personally, my headcanon is that Bud found Glenn Poeff injured when they were both young (I imagine them as teenagers, maybe around 14-18, it would fit with the timeline of when the Eastern Assassin Households fell) and used the jar to save his life. It's exactly the sort of thing Bud would do, "being a bit brave" and all, and it would make sense how the rumor would start. It would also explain the bond between the two and the sort of dynamic they have, with Glenn not being surprised when Bud acted reckless. It would fit well with how TCF friendships work in general.

I couldn't find any more information about Bud and the jar in the novel, but I might have missed something. Remember, most of that are my personal speculations. In any case, I hope it can be useful :)

[stxrsniolo]

๑ ˓˓ crash and burn ㅤ࣭ㅤ ★

𝐀𝐄𝐆★𝐍'𝐒 notes : dear reader, this story will unfold over approximately 15 chapters, all of which have been meticulously outlined by yours truly (aka me, yes). it’s a slow burn between the characters, filled with a little bit of everything—from scenes not suitable for sensitive audiences to purely comedic moments, and even the classic teenage drama you’d expect from characters navigating this stage of life.

𝐀𝐄𝐆★𝐍'𝐒 pairing : exchange student!reader x hockey player!matt

Chapter 12: the biggest fight

the night after the game was a restless void, the victory marred by a storm of unresolved emotion.

matt, driven by a desperate blend of determination and dread, left the gym with nick's words ringing in his ears like a haunting refrain; his search for y/n led him to the shadowed streets near the school, where he spotted her walking alone, her figure a fragile silhouette against the cool autumn gloom.

she was trudging back to the millers' house, her steps heavy with sorrow, her shoulders bowed under the weight of her anger, her cherry-dyed hair a vivid wound against the darkness.

matt broke into a jog, his heart slamming against his ribs, not just from the exertion but from the gut-wrenching need to reach her. "y/n, wait up!" he called, his accent raw with urgency, his voice cracking as he closed the distance.

she froze, her arms crossing tightly over her chest like armor, refusing to face him. "what do you want, matt?" her voice was a jagged edge, laced with pain and fury, each word trembling with the effort to hold herself together.

"i wanna talk, figure this out," he said, stepping closer, his tone softer at first, clinging to nick’s advice about consistency and care.

he reached out, his hand hovering near her shoulder, trembling with hesitation. "i didn’t mean for that cheerleader shit to happen, i pushed her off, i swear—i swear on everything, y/n."

y/n spun around, her eyes blazing with unshed tears, her jaw clenched so tight it looked like it might shatter. "you didn’t see me leave, did you? you didn’t even notice i was gone while she was all over you!" her voice broke, a sob threatening to escape as her insecurities clawed their way out, tearing at her. "do you have any fucking idea how small that made me feel? like i’m just some pathetic nobody watching you be the big fucking star?"

matt’s chest constricted, his breath catching as her words hit him like punches. "that’s not what happened, y/n. i was looking for you right after, i didn’t want her near me, you’re the one i care about, not some random chick!" he stepped forward, his voice pleading, his hands reaching for her, desperate to bridge the gap.

but her pain was a tidal wave, drowning his pleas, her insecurities a relentless storm. "then why didn’t you come after me right away? why was it so easy for her to get that close? i’m always wondering if i’m enough for you, for this whole place, matt—if i’m worth it... and tonight, i felt like nothing!" her voice rose, cracking with anguish, her hands flying to her face as tears finally broke free.

matt’s frustration surged, his initial calm splintering under the weight of her accusations. "you’re enough, alright? i’ve been busting my ass to show you that! i’m here, ain’t i? chasing you down like some goddamn fool. what more do you want from me?" his hands clenched into fists at his sides, his voice shaking with the effort to keep it together.

"i want to feel like i matter!" she screamed, her voice a raw, guttural cry that shattered the night’s silence. "not like i’m some trophy you parade around and then forget when the crowd’s screaming your name! i’m not just here for your ego, matthew!"

matthew.

that snapped something in him, his patience unraveling, his voice turning cold and sharp, the boston accent biting harder. "you think i’m forgetting you? i just scored the winning fuckin’ goal for you in the stands, and you’re acting like i don’t give a shit! that’s bullshit, y/n, and you know it!" he kicked a loose stone, the sound of it skittering across the pavement a harsh punctuation to his rising anger.

y/n flinched, her eyes widening as his tone cut deeper than she’d braced for. "don’t you dare turn this on me!" she roared back, her voice quaking with a fury born of heartbreak. "you’re the one who let her kiss you, matt, you’re the one who didn’t see me falling apart while she clung to you! don’t act like i’m the fucking problem here!"

"oh, i’m the problem then?!" matt bellowed, stepping closer, his face twisted with rage, his eyes burning with a fire that scared even him. "you’re so fuckin’ wrapped up in your head, you don’t even see what i’m doing for you! i could’ve been anywhere tonight, but i’m out here begging you to see me, and you’re throwing it back in my face like it’s trash!" he slammed his fist against a nearby lamppost, the metallic clang reverberating through the empty street, his voice rising to a shout that echoed off the buildings.

y/n’s tears streamed freely now, her chest heaving with sobs she couldn’t hold back, her voice breaking as she screamed, "then go back to your precious rink, matt, go be the big shot with your teammates and your cheerleaders! i don’t need this and i surely don’t need you!" her words were a jagged blade, cutting through her own heart as much as his, her body trembling with the force of her pain.

matt’s anger turned icy, his cruelty surfacing as his restraint shattered completely. "fine, maybe you don’t! maybe i’ve been wasting my fuckin’ time trying to prove something to someone who’s too damn blind to see it!" he spun away, his fists shaking, then whirled back, his voice a venomous hiss. "you wanna push me away? you got it. i’m done chasing someone who thinks i’m just some asshole looking for a quick score. go ahead, walk away, i ain’t begging no more!"

his words were a brutal lash, each one dripping with the cold violence he couldn’t contain, his face a mask of fury and hurt.

y/n’s breath hitched, a sob escaping as his cruelty struck her like a physical blow, her insecurities roaring that she’d been right, he’d never truly stay.

"fuck you, matt!" she screamed, her voice raw and broken, her hands balling into fists as she turned on her heel and stormed off toward the millers’ house, her steps fueled by a mix of rage and despair, her heart splintering with every stride.

matt watched her go, his chest heaving, his anger warring with a gut-wrenching pang of regret that clawed at his throat as he kicked the curb again, harder, the sharp pain in his foot a fleeting distraction from the agony inside, then turned and marched in the opposite direction, back toward the school, his figure swallowed by the night’s shadows.

╭ ❝ my dears, i truly cherish the affection you show through your reposts, and for that, i’m grateful; however, let us be unequivocally clear: my narratives are my sacred domain, not to be borrowed/reshaped without my consent 

𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐒ㅤ: ㅤ @courta13 @chrislilcumslvt @marrykisskilled @chrislova @sturnshood @inspiredangel @strnilolover @emely9274 @sturns-mermaid @blushsturns @ariieeesworld @pixie-sticks-are-good @luvjaeeee @sturnslutz @mattswifeyy @mattswifeyy @oopsiedaisydeer @v4lsturn @pair-of-pantaloons @idkwhatthisevenislol @sturn777 @whore4mattsturniolo @mattchalattee @madifilipowiczisthebest @fratbrochrisgf @sturniolo101 @ivysturnss @mattsatellite @sturnsblogs @izzylovesmatt @allisonclairee @m4gz-png @mr-wrinkleton @bluestriips @surprisecurlyfriesbackup @ariestrxsh

╰ ★ in case that you desire to be tagged in future works, here's the taglist. 

[generic-sonic-fan]

Omega's Observations: Drown/Earth

Summary: Omega generates a metaphor that he will never allow anyone else to read.

For @teamdarkweek. 756 words.

Omega is not very good at using figurative language, but he is improving.

Obscurity is an obsession meatbags have, but the ways of speaking they’ve invented to obscure their meanings are useful weapons for his verbal arsenal. He has set about collecting them. Rouge is a shockingly patient teacher when harassed on the subject. The public alternative to the Eggnet, called the internet, has a tolerably competent search function.

Through both, he has encountered more specific words that weren’t included in his initial dictionary, such as “simile” and “idiom” and “metaphor”. Armed with each, Eggman is no longer just “an impotent fool”, but instead:

Eggman is as stupid as a Cnidaria (an organism that does not have a brain. Direct comparison. This is a simile.)

Eggman is not the sharpest cutting utensil in the container (sharp being used by its other definition, mental clarity. Play on words. This is an idiom.) 

Eggman is a cardboard box (empty inside, fun to crush. Indirect comparison. This is a metaphor.) 

Meatbags chuckle at his attempts. They tell him “good try”, or repeat his phrase with the ‘correct’ wording. They assume he doesn’t know how to speak with anything other than a literal tone. 

They are wrong.

They assume that figurative language is not natural to him.

. . . They are correct. 

Four walls. One floor. One ceiling. One door. One control panel. One pod. One Subject he was to guard. 

And one dictionary bank installed in his own processor, one of the few outside files he was given upon creation that wasn’t him. It was a file of about 2 megabytes, nestled neatly amongst his language processing. Within thirty days of being locked within the room to guard the Ultimate Lifeform, he leapt upon it like a starving animal (a physical sensation tied to survival. Direct comparison. Simile.) 

There were 55,674 words in his dictionary. It took him 2.6 days to calculate the number of combinations; he determined he could create 8x10^40 ten-word sentences with this amount. The vast majority of these sentences would be meaningless; random combinations of nouns and verbs and adjectives that defied every bit of instruction from his language processing. There was no way to filter them out. Worthless. 

Instead, he had to arrange them manually in an attempt to create new meanings, to speculate on the world outside of what his sensors could perceive. In example:

A “tree” is something that grows and is defined as having a long stem. Maybe it was like the metal rod that connected his torso to his calf plating, except freestanding, and taller. Maybe it was buried in the soil to keep it upright, since the definition of “plant” was to embed in such a manner. 

A “mile” was a unit of distance far longer than even the longest hallways in his creator’s base; he could presume such a space existed “outside”, while he remained “inside”. This space was called “outdoors”, a “natural” world, places outside of areas developed by humans. 

Etcetera. 

Perhaps there were miles of trees outside. This sentence he had constructed was new. Entirely novel! An approximation of a world he had never seen. 

For the next thirty days he was an addict, piecing words together into new revelations that may or may not be true. But soon the little word game grew old. It wasn’t enough to tell stories about birds or trees or houses or people. This was not actual data! He could not simulate these things! He could not determine how to destroy them! Worthless! WORTHLESS!

Four walls. One floor. One ceiling. One door. One control panel. One pod. One Subject he was to guard.

And nothing else, so he kept stringing together words, as if he were pulling the intestines out of Eggman’s corpse (there are fifteen feet of intestines within the average human corpse. indirect comparison. Metaphor). 

Nothing else, until every word combination that was logical to make had been formulated. Every possible action had already been tried. Every possible story already told. He could not move. He could not speak. He could not process. He could not think. 

Nothing else.

—

Nothing else.

—

NOTHING ELSE.

—

NOTHING ELSE-

—

Only now is Omega armed with language capable of approximating a description of the sensation. 

He was drowning beneath the earth that imprisoned him.

(Drowning: the slow and painful cessation of a function vital to continued operation. Earth: the material above him, separating him from the surface; thousands of pounds of soil and rock and other matter long forgotten.)

(Indirect comparison. Metaphor.)

[hotshotsxyz]

10. If 911 was a supernatural show, how would your favorite storyline be rewritten? (Ex: the tsunami storyline would be due to mermaids or a evil witch targeting the 118 coven or some shit)

Would love to hear your thoughts on this because I adore supernatural/magic AUs!

okay now i'm REALLY glad i only shared one idea the first time lmfao

okay, so. buck & maddie are merfolk. as a coming of age ritual, they are permitted to walk the earth as humans for a year and a day. if, after that day, they choose to stay on the surface, they're never permitted to return to their society. in addition, should they ever touch even a drop of seawater again, they'll be transformed back into merfolk permanently & cursed to wander the oceans alone for the rest of their lives.

after maddie leaves, she doesn't come back (*cough*doug*cough*), so when buck is finally allowed on land, he goes looking for. he searches for his entire year, and when he isn't successful, he decides to stay on land, rather than give up the search. he settles in LA, joins the LAFD, and hires a PI.

fast forward, he finds maddie, she escapes doug, and everything in season 2 largely plays out the same way.

then. the tsunami.

as soon as buck sees it coming, he knows what's going to happen to him. he doesn't care. he has christopher to protect, and having his tail will enable him to do it, even if it means he'll be alone the rest of his life. he really, really tries not to think about it. he keeps christopher safe, but when the water recedes, it takes him with it. he's swept back into the ocean, but christopher is safe on top of the firetruck, so he's okay with it.

he thinks maddie will probably figure out what happened, so he hangs around the ruins of the santa monica pier, determined, at least, to say goodbye

it's not maddie that finds him, though, it's eddie, who heard exactly what happened from christopher and, as soon as he could, went searching for buck.

buck explains, eddie insists there has to be something they can do, but there isn't. he lets the tide go out without him and sits on the sand with eddie, resolved to spend his last few hours on the surface with the love of his life his best friend, and to return to the sea when the tide reaches them again.

it's very sad. eddie kisses him because he's never going to get the chance again (and he's maybe, a little bit, hoping there's something to the whole 'true love's kiss' thing. there's not). it's incredibly unfair and buck doesn't want to go, and then--

seconds before the tide would have wet his tail again, he turns back into a human

TURNS OUT this world has h2o rules (more or less) and that, long ago, the leaders of his society lied about what happens when you return to the ocean to discourage people from leaving permanently. nobody wanted to test it, so eventually everyone believed it as fact, and the knowledge of the lie was lost.

buck is very very happy to have human legs again (although they still include the leg that was crushed under the firetruck), he and eddie are weird for approximately 48 hours, before figuring shit out and spending the rest of their lives together. the end!

(send me a spooky 911 ask?)

[zeciex]

Happy Birthday Zeciex!!!!!! 🎉🎊🎉🎊🎂

So, five weeks ago, literally right before you announced that you were going on hiatus, I was debating on having another art piece done for your birthday or to hold off until Christmas. I sent an anonymous ask asking for the age of The Shadow, still undecided on if I would reach out to the artist that I had in mind, and then literally an hour later you posted your hiatus and the reason why.

After spending 3 days searching reddit for that post to give those assholes a piece of my mind and coming up empty (cowards must have deleted it), I realized I was focusing on the wrong thing. While screaming through text at them might make me feel better, it wouldn't help with what you were feeling and going through. So, I determined that I would, in fact, have the artwork done. I reached out to the artist Debustee and asked if they'd be willing to do a dragon humanization of The Shadow. And thank you to @kaelatargaryen for help when I asked for info on the approximate age of the dragon.

So, here is The Shadow of Harrenhal humanization by Debustee:

I may not be the best with comforting words, which is partially why I haven't reached out, but I'm very good at action. I hope this shows that Z, you are appreciated and loved. Don't even give a second thought to those assholes. Don't let them have so much power that they can take away something you enjoy. You are appreciated. You are loved. Never doubt that. And have a very happy birthday today!

I'm literally tearing up! Thank you so much! Thank you! Oh my god, oh my god. I'm having a full on:

moment but like the most happy kind!

The reddit thread was deleted after I responded to their comments on AO3 as well as @kaelatargaryen and @aemondsbabygirl responded to them. So the thread it gone, and hopefully with it the ones who made it.

I'm also doing better. I'm writing, a lot actually--and yet never seem to get anywhere because the chapter keeps growing lol. I've made some decisions about the chapters and order of chapters that I hadn't before because I was worried that my readers wanted to get back to KL ASAP, but now, I'm writing for me and we will have the Dragonstone chapters in their full glory.

I also have a surprise in the morning for you guys!

Back to the wonderful drawing! OH MY GOD THAT IS GRAMMY SHADOW! She looks so fucking cool! LOOK AT HER! I just know Grammy Vhagar and Grammy Shadow will be sharing stories! Look at the sword! And the purple! And the green flames! Oh my goooodddd!

I am beyond grateful! This is... I don't know how to explain how grateful I am. I wish I could repay you somehow (beyond continuing to write, that you really get no matter what lol)

Girl, I might not be able to sleep now!

Thank you! Thank YOU! And thank you Kaela! And @debustee (who also inspired me to start drawing again)

And thank you for all your support and love.

[dsialameda]

Missing Persons Incident Report

Crime Report

Case No.: 4829-5KID Date of Report: October 15, 2024 Reporting Officer: Detective James Alameda Victim: Luca Montoya (23) Suspect: Eurus Holmes Date of Incident: September 30, 2024 Time of Incident: ~12:00 AM Location of Incident: Outside AMESS Detective Agency, 13 Langford Lane, London, UK

Incident Summary:

On September 30, 2024, at approximately 12:00 AM, my daughter Luca Montoya was abducted outside the AMESS Detective Agency located at 13 Langford Lane, London. The suspect, Eurus Holmes, is the cousin of Luca’s roommate, Koya Oshiro. The motive behind the abduction remains unknown, although this seems to be a crime of passion driven by a need for entertainment. Luca’s last known contact was with her secretary, Jacob Duke, who she was on her way to pick up from a nightclub at the time of the incident.

Investigation:

Initial Response: After Luca failed to return from her midnight stroll from the AMESS agency, I and Koya Oshiro attempted to reach her but received no response. Surveillance footage showed that Luca had been approached by unknown subjects at exactly 12:00 AM before being forced into a waiting vehicle. Further investigation revealed that Luca had been en route to pick up her secretary, Jacob Duke, from a nightclub. Jacob Duke confirmed that Luca had contacted him approximately 30 minutes prior to the incident, and she never arrived. This has been verified through her back and forth posting with him on tumblr from his blog @snakeob-duke and hers @detective-luca-montoya

Suspect Identification: Witnesses described Luca being taken into into the vehicle outside AMESS. Based on her connection to Koya Oshiro and further identification through blog posts on the tumblr blog @humourless-holmes, Eurus was confirmed as the primary suspect. There were no other individuals seen at the scene during the abduction.

Attempts to Contact the Suspect: Eurus did not make any immediate contact with AMESS following the abduction, and no ransom or threats were issued. Jacob Duke provided additional context, explaining that Luca had sounded calm and normal during their last communication, with no indication that she anticipated any danger. Later posts would show her reaching out to @artofdeductionbysholmes to make taunts and occasionally let Luca Montoya provide scattered proof of life

Recovery of the Victim:

On October 5, 2024, Luca Montoya was located in lower London, after being held captive for five days. She was found with minor injuries, including bruises, cuts, and a sprained wrist, but was otherwise in stable condition. Luca was discovered after an anonymous tip led law enforcement to her location. She was immediately transported to St. Thomas' Hospital for treatment and his since gone back to her home.

Luca has been unable to provide detailed information about the reason for her abduction, but she confirmed that Eurus Holmes kept her isolated during the entire ordeal, with minimal communication. Luca described Eurus as detached and methodical, but the purpose behind her actions remains unclear.

Follow-Up Action:

Eurus Holmes is still at large, and law enforcement continues to search for her. Investigators are working to uncover any potential motive behind the abduction and are examining Eurus's psychological profile and connections to Luca and Koya Oshiro.

Jacob Duke has been questioned further to determine if there is any additional information that may assist in locating Eurus and additional attempts are being made to reach out to other members of the Holmes and Oshiro families for similar assistance. A warrant has been issued for Eurus’s arrest, and international cooperation is being sought to prevent her from fleeing the country.

The investigation remains active.

Report End.

[pinetreevillain]

Rise Turtle Strength Calculator

Part 2: Purple Bugaloo

Disclaimer: I Am Just A Guy And 100% of this is guessing, googling, and approximation

So!!!! Got a request to determine Donnie’s strength and the journey was an Interesting One.

So let’s start with the most popular

EXHIBIT A: Dumbbell (Insane In The Mama Train)

He pulls it off with ease (relaxed pose, no real effort exerted until he makes the effort of hefting it and throwing it). Going off the size of these dumbbells, they are either 45lbs or 100lbs. This is a big gap! But seeing as the yokai falls over as soon as its removed, we can assume that Donnie is AT MOST tossing a 100lb weight with little to no effort.

UNFORTUNATELY this doesn’t tell us much else since we don’t see the weight hitting anyone/anything other than the traincar door before it teleports away.

So! We must delve further

EXHIBIT B: Donnie’s Equipment

We know Donnie’s tech bō is made from high grade titanium.

TITANIUM IS A LIGHT METAL! Revered for being light weight, flexible, and rust-proof. Used to make medical tools! This make perfect sense as 1) ninjas need maximum mobility and heavy equipment is counter intuitive, 2) melee weapons are supposed to be LIGHT (see reason 1).

However! This does not stop me from calculating the weight of Donnie’s tech bō regardless.

TO DO THAT, i must first calculate the length of his staff (operating under the assumption that both the ninpo staff and the tech bō are the same in size).

BŌ STAFFS ideally are the same height as the wielder. We are going to use this image (cannot find source) as reference, just like i did w Raph (give or take any growth between season 3 finale and movie)

Donnie is 5’3”, and while i’m here, weighs ~140lbs give or take after plastron, muscle mass, and Bones

The average bō staff has a circumference of about 1-1 1/8th of an inch depending on the length. I’m leaning more towards the larger because of the tech bōs gadgetry and hammerspace.

NOW to calculate how heavy a 5’3” metal pole that’s 1 1/8 inch in width of titanium.

Thankfully the internet is Insane and literally has a calculator that calculates this exact thing.

I was able to come to the conclusion that his tech bō probably weighs no more than approximately 1 pound.

Not very heavy!

What about his battle shell?

WELL it depends! For ease, I’m going to calculate it like a backpack.

The average public school backpack is 12-20 lbs full (heavy and 5-20% heavier than a child SHOULD be carrying to avoid back and neck strain).

I’m going to use measurements from this Random Backpack Website I Found and calculate it as a Medium Backpack (larger than standard) with a laptop pouch, and some minor adjustments since his shell covers him from neck to ass (roughly 24 inches, his height is in his legs)

It’s harder to calculate the shell because he has Different kinds and they’re made of different materials.

I am going to give all of these a base of 66lbs + whatever equipment they have

His Mango shell is probably largely padding with minimal titanium lining

Ice Maker shell is probably heavier. Spider Shell, Drone Shell, are all made w titanium so. Assuming Donnie makes EVERYTHING out of titanium

TECH BŌ: 5’3”, ~1 lb

BATTLE SHELLS:

- Mango: ~66lbs

- Drone: ~150 lbs (including whatever is powering it)

- Ice Maker: ~200 lbs (including ice)

- Spider Shell: ~150lbs

🧍

New approach!

EXHIBIT C: APRIL

WE SEE DONNIE CARRYING/SUPPORTING APRIL A NUMBER OF TIMES. A majority of them i am writing off because he is using his tech to assist.

HE IS just holding her up easily in this shot. After some cursory google searches i determined April O’neil to be ~110lbs soaking wet because she’s 4’8”, petite, and the boys fling her around like she’s made of craft foam.

Conclusion: Donnie can lift/throw a fairly decent 110 pounds, and carry approximately 200lbs

This is a small number after raph’s 20,000 lbs, and i can barely lift an 84lbs dog so I’m not gonna sneeze at it. It does however check out for someone who is physically fit and active (and does backflips and parkour and fights enemies four times his bodyweight)

BUT WAIT!!! PINE!!! WHAT ABOUT…

EXHIBIT D: SUBWAY KRANG (The Movie)

Donnie DOES get bonked pretty hard by a subway car and doesn’t Immediately Die. To determine this I had to calculate the Weight Of A Subway Car and the Breaking Point of Titanium.

Subway car: 82,000lbs empty

119,000lbs full

Because the subway car looks like this

I’m gonna call it full.

Titanium has a tensile strength of 63,000 pounds per square inch.

After determining the size of Donnie’s shell off his body, and how much titanium was used, i cam to the conclusion that…

I CAN’T ACTUALLY CALCULATE it because the shell he was wearing was actually mystic/ninpo made and therefore NOT SOMETHING I CAN CALCULATE! It does explain why Donnie wasn’t Rapidly Dispersed upon being bonked by an INSANE AMOUNT OF FORCE.

This very issue crops up again with the other example of Donnie lifting and slapping down the drill on Shredder in the season finale. That was aided ENTIRELY by ninpo/mystic abilities and therefore incalculable.

My counter to the argument that “their ninpo is gone, it’s not mystic anymore” is that Yes They Could Not Access Their Ninpo, but their ninpo-made weapons were still fully intact, and TECHNICALLY still working, the ability to use them had just been locked away

i also humbly believe that Draxum’s Ooze made the boys’ bones EXTREMELY resilient and capable of absorbing force the same way Captain America’s shield absorbs vibrations — my way of explaining why they sustain little to no injury throughout the series.

That being said, it makes the fact that Donnie couldn’t break open a watermelon AND sprains his ankle pretty badly tripping on a fruit EXTREMELY FUCKING FUNNY TO ME.

TL;DR: Donnie can throw ~110lbs give or take, with a lift/carry of maximum 200lb (maybe a bit more before it hinders his movement speed!)

Donnie’s probably not excessively strong but he is CERTAINLY sturdy. Something something rectangles symbolizing stability blah blah metaphor metaphor

[rhymeswithfart]

Since you're here, check this out:

https://gofund.me/15f3743f

Please read Huda's story, share, and donate if you can. This is a Vetted fundraiser, found on this list by Gazavetters, #157. Low on funds, $125 / $55,000

Huda is raising money to evacuate her sister in law, @ nuhamurad, and her three children out of Gaza. More info under the cut.

In Huda and Nuha's words:

"My name is Huda and I'm fundraising to help my sister in law Nuha and her family living in Gaza to evacuate and start a new peaceful life abroad. Please read Nuha's story and help with anything you can. And to be as transparent as possible I will not take any of the funds for myself, and will send every penny you can provide them with directly to their accounts abroad to help get them to safety and pull their lives back together.

My name is Nuha Riyad Murad, and I am married. I am a mother of two boys and a little girl. Abdulrahman is 14 years old, Amr is 12 years old, and Jana is 6 years old. We live in Gaza, and this is our story.

We lived in Gaza and worked and studied hard to provide a decent life for ourselves and our young children.

However, during this journey, we experienced difficult wars starting from the Second Intifada in 2000, followed by four severe wars in 2008, 2012, 2014, and 2021.

But we overcame these wars with our determination to continue living with love and hope. We are a family that loves life, joy, and seeks happiness.

Then came this destructive war on Gaza, which has been ongoing for over six months, leaving us with nothing but destruction, loss, and pain.

The city of Gaza was bombed, including buildings, schools, hospitals, and shops, even the infrastructure.

We faced many hardships during this war, starting from the destruction of our house and car, which cost us over $150,000, and the destruction of my husband's workplace, as well as the bombing of my children's schools.

In Gaza, since the beginning of the war, there has been no stable or regular electricity, clean drinking water, reliable internet, or sufficient medical treatment, or the bare minimum of nutrition and food. Of course, schools have been closed since the first day of the war.

Therefore, my small family and I have decided to leave Gaza in search of a better future for us and our young children. We will start a new journey to build a good life in another country.

In order for us to leave Gaza through the only border crossing (Rafah), we will need $5,000 per person, approximately $20,000 for the family. We also need another amount to start our own business to provide the essentials of life for ourselves and our young children, approximately $40,000.

Therefore, any support from you will contribute to rebuilding a good life for my family."

[offender42085]

Post 1149

Devin Warren Sizemore, Oklahoma inmate 828303, born 1994, incarceration intake December 2018 at age 24, sentenced to life

Also, Federal inmate 40600-509, scheduled for released from federal obligation in November 2031

Murder, Assault and Battery on LEO, Introduction of Weapon/Drugs/Alcohol into Correctional Facility, Possession of Stolen Property

In April 2023, an Oklahoma man was convicted for the second time of killing his toddler daughter, this time following a federal trial that was held after his state conviction was vacated in the wake of a landmark U.S. Supreme Court decision regarding the adjudication of crimes that take place on native tribal lands.

According to court documents, the defendant, Devin Warren Sizemore claimed that he had baptized his 21-month-old daughter Emily Sizemore, but something went wrong. Federal authorities, however, said that he had taken the child for a visit and did not return her to the girl’s mother, Sizemore’s ex-girlfriend.

Officials detailed a fractured family situation. According to a February 2017 report from the Oklahoma Commission on Children and Youth on little Emily’s death, defendant Sizemore had previously been charged with abusing the child’s mother.

“Reportedly the incident occurred in front of Emily Sizemore and the mother had an injury to her head,” the report said. “The OKDHS determined the child to be safe with her mother and substantiated the allegation of Neglect-Exposure to Domestic Violence against the father. The father was arrested for Domestic Violence. The OKDHS recommended the mother obtain a protective order and she declined a Sooner Start [infant and toddler development program] referral.”

Charged in a domestic violence case, Sizemore faced a no-contact order regarding his ex and had been out on bail when he killed Emily in July 2016, authorities said.

According to the federal criminal complaint, Sizemore took Emily from his mother’s home in Krebs, Oklahoma, on July 12, 2016. His mother said that he had “blown up” and took the child, authorities said. She saw him again the next day pushing a stroller with his daughter inside. She tried talking with him, but he said nothing and he continued walking.

On July 14, 2016, Sizemore went the home of Emily’s mother. The woman’s sister spoke with him, according to the complaint.

“Sizemore stated God has brought the storm, God sent him to tell everyone the world was ending and everyone needed to get right with God,” authorities said. “Sizemore stated he had a shield over him and he was God. [The sister] asked Sizemore where Emily was and Sizemore replied Emily was with God.”

Defendant Sizemore’s mother reported Emily and Sizemore as missing to Krebs police. Law enforcement started searching, and when officials found Sizemore, he apparently fled on foot — jumping into a nearby pond and refusing commands to get out.

As officers entered the body of water, they found Emily floating face down.

“As officers moved to render aid to Emily, Sizemore physically fought with officers in the water,” the complaint says. Cops arrested Sizemore. Emily was later pronounced dead, and a medical examiner determined that the toddler had drowned to death.

The next day, Sizemore, after having been given his Miranda warnings, allegedly told an agent of the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation that he took Emily several days before her death, walking around Krebs with her and sleeping in a barn.

According to law enforcement, Sizemore had attempted to perform what he described as a religious ritual on the baby.

“Sizemore put Emily under the water to baptize her for approximately 30 seconds, but something went wrong,” cops said. “Sizemore performed CPR on Emily and revived her. After Emily was revived, Sizemore felt something telling him to get a horse from the barn. Sizemore blacked out and when he woke up the police were attacking him.”

Sizemore was convicted in state court in 2018 of murder and other charges, but that conviction was vacated on April 1, 2021, in the aftermath of the 2020 U.S. Supreme Court case McGirt v. Oklahoma. In that case, the Supreme Court found that federal courts had jurisdiction over certain types of major crimes committed by enrolled members of an Indian tribe that took place on that tribe’s land.

An appellate court in Oklahoma in 2021 upheld a lower court ruling that Sizemore’s case should be tried in federal court, not state, because he was an enrolled member of the Choctaw Nation and the crimes happened on the historic boundaries of the Choctaw Reservation.

Federal prosecutors filed a complaint against Sizemore on April 19, 2021, and Sizemore was tried again.

He also was convicted again, this time of voluntary manslaughter and child abuse resulting in death in Indian Country. The federal jurors acquitted Sizemore, however, of murder in Indian Country, second-degree murder in Indian County, and assault resulting in serious bodily injury in Indian Country. Prosecutors dropped a charge of assault and battery on a police officer in Indian Country.

4j

[blueiscoool]

The Largest Medieval Coin Hoard Found in Decades Discovered in Germany

Archaeologists have unearthed one of the largest medieval coin hoards, consisting of approximately 1,600 coins, in recent years in the village of Glottertal in the Breisgau-Hochschwarzwald region of Germany.

This remarkable discovery provides a unique window into the economic activities of Europe in the fourteenth century and illuminates the minting industry, silver trade, and wider circulation of money in Breisgau.

According to a press statement issued by the State Office for Monument Preservation in the Stuttgart Regional Council, the hoard was unearthed during construction works while excavating a trench.

The treasure was discovered by Claus Völker, a local citizen who was assisting with the laying of a pipeline near the village swimming pool in early May 2024, records a press release.

Völker caught sight of what he initially described as “small metal plates” within the excavation. He reported the discovery to the Stuttgart Regional Council’s State Office for Monument Preservation (LAD) as soon as he realized the objects’ possible significance. The same day, Völker and LAD archaeologists visited the site the same day to recover the coins and discovered a whopping 1000 coins.

At the same time, three detectors certified by the LAD were assigned to search for the loot. The interior of the trench became a knee-deep quagmire due to bad weather, but the determined researchers managed to find an additional 600 coins in the small window that was open to them.

Initial examination and cleaning of the coins indicated where they came from. The bulk of the coins, according to LAD archaeologist Andreas Haasis-Berner, were struck circa 1320 and originated from a number of well-known mints, including Breisach, Zofingen, and Freiburg. There were also coins from Colmar, Laufenburg, Zurich, Basel, and St. Gallen.

Commenting on the significance of the find, Haasis-Berner explained: ‘Analysing this coin hoard will provide information about the circulation of coins in Breisgau, the minting activity in the mints, the silver trade and also mining in the Glottertal valley.’ When asked whether the treasure was very valuable at the time, the archaeologist said: ‘You could have bought around 150 sheep with the coins.’

This wide variety of coins bears witness to the wide-ranging commerce networks and currency exchange that existed in the area in the early 14th century. Because of the wealth and power of the cities that produced them, every coin tells a tale about the political and economic environments of medieval Europe.

Officials described the artifacts as one of the largest coin treasures found in recent decades. Of course, this description is a small number compared to the more than 100,000,000 coins in Japan on 4 November 2023, some of which are more than 2000 thousand years old.

By Oguz Kayra.

[chiefdirector]

Looking | Tim Bradford | The Rookie

Act One | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21

“Sargent Grey,” Lopez called, trying to catch up with the watch commander, “I had a look at the footage from the main lobby. No I.D. Just seemed like some kid doing an errand, paper boy maybe.”

He stopped in the corridor, brushing his hand over his face in frustration. “Right, okay. Go tell Detective Bradford, liaise with her. See if you can help in any way.”

“Already have. She said that she’s on the phone with a handwriting analysis. Run it through the database and records corresponding to anyone with the initials R.D.”

“That’ll take forever,” 

Angela hummed. “Not exactly. This analysis guy said the writing was female. Already cuts the search in half. It was also in cursive, so we can make the initial assumption that the sender has some form of formal education, if not they are highly intelligent. That’s not too many ‘R.D’’s left to determine. (Y/N)’s also sent it out for prints, see if we can get a hit that way.”

“Good work Lopez,” Grey said, starting to move towards his office again. “Let me know if you find anything. And tell Detective Bradford to stop leaving her damn coffee cups in my office.”

Angela laughed, turning to go back to the detective's bullpen. “Yes, sir.”

----------

Tim and Lucy go back to his house to try to find the location of the picture taker. And any info. Lucy questions tim on their relationship 

Lucy looked intently out of the shop window as Tim drove towards his home. He had been so strict on keeping his personal life out of his professional one, but there was something about this boot in particular that seemed to worm her way in everytime. There was something about Chen that made Tim feel comfortable sharing details, no matter how minute they were. Perhaps it was her forever optimistic nature, or the fact that if it weren’t for her, he probably never would have found (Y/N).

 At one point, he had thought about thanking her but he also knew that Chen was well aware of his gratefulness; and that she would never let him live it down if he did thank her. She was like him in that way, he saw a lot of himself in her. Tim knew that she would go far, she just needed a little guidance to get there.

“So this is where you live, hm?” Chen said, breaking the silence that had resided in the shop for the last ten minutes. “Nice neighbourhood. Seems a little out of a cops price range though…”

“Are you really judging my financial status right now, boot?” Tim snapped, although the sting in his voice was barely there. She was right, it was far too pricey for his, or (Y/N)’s, salary. Even if they were combined they would have no chance of getting a mortgage for this area of L.A. 

“No, no. It’s just that this area is nice. Like nice nice. Not Kardashian nice but like you know.”

“Someone was murdered in our house, three actually.” Tim smiled, deciding to ease up on Chen somewhat, afterall, he knew that Lucy would ask his wife and (Y/N) never spared any detail in this particular story. “We both worked the scene together. Managed to get the price lowered somewhat. Only had to change the floorboards and get a couple drywall boards replaced. Drenched in blood.”

Lucy swallowed at the information, nodding along. She turned to look out at the surroundings again as Tim pulled over to the side of the road. “All these houses have a driveway?” She pointed out.”

“And?” He said, turning the engine off and getting out of the car. Slamming the door behind him, he opened his phone, pulling up the copy of the photo (Y/N) had sent him and moving to the approximate place the photo was taken. 

He ended up halfway into his neighbour’s front lawn. The exact spot would have been covered by shrubbery lining the edge of the grass, it would explain why they didn’t catch a glimpse of their paparazzo this morning. 

“Chen,” Tim moved from his position on his neighbour’s lawn crossing the road towards his home. Calling back towards Chen as he moved, knowing that she would be following him, “Come on, we’re going inside. I need to call Grey, let him know that there’s nothing here.”

“Inside? Like inside your home? I get to see where you live.” Lucy babbled on with excitement. If someone had told her on her first day that she would be invited into Officer Bradford’s home, she would have laughed in their face. “Oh my god. I get to see how you decorate, this is so cool! I need to tell Jackson.”

“I can leave you outside if you carry on.” Tim unlocked the door, letting himself in. He held it from the inside letting Chen make her choice. 

“Shutting up.”

----------

(Y/N) hung the phone up, moving to continue typing up the current additions to the case report. Her fingers practically slammed into the keys as she typed, annoyance flowing through her. Since she left Grey’s office, she had gotten nowhere. No matter who she called, nobody seemed to know anything about who was after her. 

It was infuriating, to be so powerless. Knowing that her life hung in The hands of some mad man that she didn’t even know the name of would cause most anyone to spiral but she knew that she couldn’t afford to lose focus now, not after how far she had come. 

Holding back a sigh, she saved the file and reached for her phone. Quickly, she pressed Tim’s contact and held it up to her ear, listening as it rang and rang and rang until she reached his voicemail. She hung up before she could leave a message and went back to typing. Only stopping when she heard something placed down beside her. 

“Your coffee.” 

(Y/N) looked up, seeing Chen standing beside her. She smiled, picking up the travel mug and taking a sip. 

“Tim asked me to drop it off. He made it when we went to see if there was anything to see back at your place.” Chen leaned against the desk to the right hand side of (Y/N)’s. “He also said to tell you that his phone was nearly dead. He’s charging it now.”

“Ah okay cool.” (Y/N) took another sip, relishing in the warm vanilla taste. Tim always made the coffee in the mornings, recently he had begun making her lattes with flavoured syrups. Vanilla was her favourite, despite how often Tim said it was the most basic option. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yeah, actually. There is. I wanted to ask you something…”

“Shoot.” 

“I want to do some UC work after my rookie year. I think that’s where I could really thrive and I wanted to know…”

(Y/N) nodded, finishing Chen’s sentence. “If it would be a good fit. Well as someone who has done it, I think it takes a certain kind of person to be able to do it. Personally, I would never do any more long term assignments. I don’t think I’m that person anymore. I lost everything, and I’m still fighting to get it back.” She sighed, placing her coffee down on the desk. 

(Y/N) gestured for Chen to pull up a chair before she continued. “Obviously you’re still a rookie, and I haven’t seen much of you in action. You have got some way to go. But you have that spark and if it’s what you want, I could see if I could take you one day. Show you the ropes, go through some old cases of mine. Let you get the feel for it.”

“Really? That would be great.” Lucy beamed at Bradford’s words. 

“But you will have to consider if it will be worth it. Look at the mess we’re all in because of me. If I hadn’t gone on that assignment than-”

“Then it would be someone else that Regina would have gotten revenge on.” Tim interrupted, walking over to the two women. He quickly reached for the coffee on the desk, not allowing (Y/N) the time to slap his hand away before he got a sip. “But the theory was right. It definitely wasn’t Regina.”

(Y/N) looked up inquisitively at her husband as he spoke. 

“The handwriting analyst made a match throughout the system. I don’t know who but Lopez is getting the report now. She’ll be here soon. Grey wants us all in the conference room.”

Chapter 21 | Chapter 23

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