#do they think I’m gonna be feeling great and willing to jump through fucking hoops?

[justtogetthrough]

I have so many tasks I need to do around the house but this weekend I can’t do anything due to being extremely sick, still, going on over a week.

My friend suggested I book a virtual appointment with Telus Health if I wanted to avoid the hospital as my only way to see a doctor.

In order to book an appointment though they need the front and back of my drivers license as well as a picture RIGHT NOW to verify the photo I submit matches my ID.

That seems like such an unnecessary invasion of privacy. If any ID, why would it not be my healthcard? When we have the appointment they could see that I match my submitted ID.

Right now I look like utter shit from having barely eaten in a whole week and having my phone turn on the front facing camera and needing to look at myself in this state and then submit the photo that will then stay in their records in this state of ill health made me cry and I closed out of it all.

Would I rather lie in the fetal position in terrible abdominal pain for the foreseeable future? No. But I’m starving and sick and I already have a serious eating disorder and body dysmorphia. Being required to take and submit a photo of myself when I am at my absolute worst just to see a doctor who may or may not be able to help without the possibility of a physical exam makes me want to die.

Healthcare in Ontario is fucking impossible.

[keilemlucent]

boneless wings

(T!)

word count: ~1.6k

You’re feeling shitty and Keigo is more than willing to help you out. 

just a short little thing. just tooth rotting fluff, soft keigo, very sweet, nice. nesting fic with avian hawks. enjoy a soft, feel good piece. 

enjoy a feel good piece y’all ;^)

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Sometimes, you just have shitty days. It’s just a fact of living and breathing, somedays just fucking suck and it’s just how it is. You knew this. You were well aware. 

And, you were having one.

The weird, gluey feeling in your chest didn’t go away, no matter what you did. You tried the kitschy self-care that those online magazines recommended. Yoga, face masks, drinking fucking water—

None of it worked, so you gave up, opting to nest in your living room. You padded it with pillows, blankets, and a few plushies. You didn’t much feel like eating, mouth dry despite the extra water you had chugged in desperation.

You resigned yourself to riding out your nastiness, ambiently watching TV with half-lidded eyes. The constant pattering of drizzling rain relaxed you, but the gray sky it brought with it was hardly welcome. 

Your phone rang in the early evening, pulling you from your stupor.

You answered without checking the caller ID, “Hello?”

“Angel!” Keigo’s voice was like sunshine through the phone. “Have you eaten? I found a great street vendor that I want to take you to. You down?”

You sighed into the receiving, nestling in your blankets. You weren’t up for much moving.

“I’m sorry, Kei’,” You hated how weak your voice sounded. “I’m not feeling so hot. I think I’m staying in for the day.”

You could hear his frown through the phone, “Aww, babe! Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll bring you some soup! Maybe dumplings, if you’re feeling that.”

“No, love, it’s not that kind of sick,” You rubbed at your eyes. 

Keigo had made it very clear early in your relationship that for all of the hoops and secrecy you had to jump through for him, he wanted to be more than there for you. He was insanely nice and supportive if you let him.

Especially on your shitty days, you struggled to tell him how rotten you were feeling. 

“Dove,” His voice was so sweet from the phone, worming its way through your depressive haze. “You want me to come over? Snuggle you a little, order in some food you like? You know I’m here for you, (Y/N).”

You swallowed, rubbing at the wetness around your waterline, “I don’t wanna trouble you, ‘Kei, you know that.”

“Now I gotta come over, Dove. You’re never trouble. Guess I gotta show you.”

“Keigo—”

He hung up before you could argue.

Though, you did receive a text shortly after.

 [heart eyes chicken wing]: i’ll be over in 30, okay? 

[heart eyes chicken wing]: i’m gonna kiss u so much

[heart eyes chicken wing]: you want me to stay over? i’m the big spoon 4 u ALL NIGHT!!

[heart eyes chicken wing]: i love u so much dove!!!

 You swallowed, rubbing at your tears. Sure, Keigo was a bit overbearing. He was actually pretty new to the whole ‘dating’ thing, but he really tried. And on your shitty days, it did feel better to have someone close.

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Keigo arrived a half an hour later, knocking on your balcony door.

You hauled yourself from your nest, quickly dodging to the bathroom to grab him a towel for his wings. 

Padding to the door, you unlocked and slid it open, stepping aside for Keigo and only looking at the ground. You handed the towel to which he thanked you promptly. There was a bag in his hand that was dropped to the ground, a bit damp from the mist outside. 

Standing next to him, you felt a little pathetic, to say the least. Standing in front of him in nothing but sweats and an oversized sweater, eyes scratchy with old tears, and a mess of unattended hair. 

“Oh, baby,” Keigo’s voice was so empathetically sad, it made your own chest ache. 

You finally looked up, just as Keigo cupped your face, leaning down the slightest bit to pepper your face with kisses. 

“H-hey, stop that,” You stuttered, unable to stop the fluttery feeling cracking in your chest, a little ray of warmth through the rot. “You’re too nice.”

“Nope,” Keigo dropped a kiss on the tip of your nose, pulling him into you by your waist to hug you as tightly as he could. “I’m not nice enough. You deserve the world, you know.”

“So you tell me,” You mumble against his chest, locking your arms around his neck and settling against his neck for a moment.

Keigo let you rest against him, a birdlike cooing vibrating cutely from the back of his throat as he rubbed your lower back with his thumbs.

“Thanks for coming by, Kei’. I love you,” It was in a small voice, but it was something. 

“I love you too.” Keigo nuzzled into the side of your head, pressing a wet kiss to your temple. “And, of course. Anytime. Also, I brought you a little treat.”

You pulled away a little, just to eye the bag he’d dropped when he’d arrived, “Dinner?”

“Hmmm, no, but we’ll get that too,” Keigo left the embrace, but slipped your palms together. “I thought it might be nice for your bad days. It’s kind of heavy, though.”

You cocked your head to the side as he passed you the bag, topped with pastel tissue paper. Pulling it away, your eyebrows rose. 

Inside, was a blanket, heavy in the bag.

“It’s a weighted blanket! Rumi was talking about how helpful they are for Fuyumi when she gets anxious, and I figured it might help you too,” Keigo beamed at you as you looked in the bag.

You were very fragile that day, and small kindnesses hit a little harder than you wanted to admit.

Your arms wrapped around his neck again, blanket dropped to the ground as you hid your damp face in Keigo’s neck.

“Thank you,” You pressed into his neck as he rubbed at your sides. “A lot.”

He squeezed you, smothering your messy hair with kiss after kiss, “Of course, dove. Anything to help you out. Now, dinner? Anything. You name it.”

...

Keigo ordered in your favorite comfort food, more than happy to make the phone call to the place for delivery. 

The moment he hung up, he was eyeing your ‘nest’ on the floor.

“Uh, babe, what’s all that?” He jerked his head towards the mass on the floor.

The embarrassment in your gut stung, “It’s... I guess a nest... It’s kind of dumb, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, silly,” Keigo was on you in an instant, kissing your forehead and dragging you into him. “Don’t apologize. One, it looks comfy as hell. Two, I’m bird adjacent, and the idea of you making a nest that I can now snuggle with you in makes me like, cuddle horny.”

You snorted a laugh out, the filthy feeling your gut dulling, “Nesting turns you on?”

“Like, in a cute way,” Keigo smiled down with his honeyed eyes. He dragged you over to the nest, falling into the piles of blankets and pillows. “Like, I want to wrap you up in my wings and kiss you until you fall asleep, kind of horny.”

“Ohhh, I see,” You smirk down as he cutely adjusted the softness around his feathers, a cluster of the downy ones from the base of his wings falling around the nest. “What are those doing?”

“Gotta claim it, bird stuff,” He huffed while papping his hands on a pillow. “Get down here, dove. This nest isn’t complete without you in it, you know.”

It was a little silly, Keigo’s avian doings, but it was also very endearing to see him like this. Both he and you were being particularly vulnerable, and though you felt pretty raw, it also felt nice. Very nice.

“Oh, wait!” Keigo piped up as you fell to your knees on a soft comforter.

One of his feathers shot off, then three more, bringing the new, weighted blanket over to you and Keigo’s nest. It fell into your lap.

You carefully unfurled it as Keigo idly told you about his day, knowing all too well how it was harder for you to talk when you weren’t feeling well. You appreciated the gesture, a bit of tension rolling from your shoulders as you fully unwrapped the blanket.

As you did, Keigo plopped into the perfect nest he made, wings perfectly poised behind him.

You followed his movement, scooted closer to him. Keigo wasted no time urging your back to his chest, wrapping you the two of you up in one of his wings. The warm scent of the oil he rubbed on them instantly lulled you, eye going half-lidded. Keigo giggled, watching your sleepy reaction. He knew how to get you boneless without a single touch (in more ways than one). 

He stretched for the new blanket, pulling it over the two of you, sighing at its weight, “Oh, I get it now.” 

The blanket weighed down on your body, thoroughly pleasantly. The pressure lulled you even more, Keigo’s heat and steady breath only adding to your increasingly lax state.

“Like it, dove?” Keigo asked, lightly laughing as he swept a bit hair from your face. He adjusted a pillow under your head, the arm thrown over your waist drifting chastely to under your sweater to rub circles on your hips.

“Mhm, it’s really nice,” You let your eyes shut. “I’m getting a little sleepy already.”

Keigo hummed, kissing the crown of your head, a happy chirp echoing his chest, “Good, I’m glad. Very glad. You rest if you need to, angel.”

You felt your eyes well with tears at his unabashed kindness. It was so earnest with him sometimes, it was overwhelming.

Turning, you pressed your front to him, nestling yourself against his neck, softening as light coos rolled from Keigo’s throat, just up against your ear.

You fell into a light, but calm sleep, happily. Keigo with his avian quirks, worn hands, and sweetest nothings, helped bear the burden of your bad day, happy to fall with you into your new nest.

(Keigo would have to convince you to make a permanent one, but with how easily you unwound and settled in this one, he didn’t think it would take much.)

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taglist: @sinclairsamess

[onbeinganangel]

okay so @eat-yearn-cry and @tackytigerfic asked for a wee liveblog of me reading capri so i am here to embarrass myself

here are my notes from a five-ish hour reading sesh yesterday (thanks @the-starryknight for witnessing this live and sending me your fav capri art for visual references —read: thirst — as i read along)

if you think there is going to be any clever analysis here, please go somewhere else now, this is pure, unhinged screaming (i’m serious, none of this makes sense, it’s a whole mess and i redacted like 50 ‘oh my god???????’s, 30 ‘jesus/mary/joseph/christ’s and 20 ‘oh fuck’s already)

here we go

- a character list!!!! it’s like they know i have a wasteland for a brain and i’m gonna need to come back to that a million times

- okay so far we are feeling very sorry for damen but he’s fiery (big fan)

- he’s a hardheaded bastard, gimme like half an hour and i’ll probably be willing to die for him lmao

- me reading the character list and wondering why it just says ‘pet’, me three lines into the first chapter like OH PET LIKE PET PET OKAY GOT IT omfg mari

- “an astonishingly lovely face” “arrogant and unpleasant” “self-absorbed and self-serving spoilt” (it’s either a description of me or i’m in love)

- “what’s your name, sweetheart” okay FINE

- “i speak your language better than you speak mine, sweetheart” I SAID FINE (here for the polyglot representation we deserve lol)

- all of this is problematic and i shouldn’t find it hot but hey ho

- “something obscene about someone with a face like that speaking those words” indeed

- oh laurent is only twenty yikes

- boot kissing, thank you gods, mari is v pleased (also just glossing over the /bad/ because double yikes)

- unsure how to feel about Damen going off in his own language which only Laurent (?) understands and then Laurent twisting his words? is Laurent protecting himself? agreeing with Damen? which is it?

- oh

- unlacing

- oh

- flogging but of the bad kind

- okay

- if these two don’t stop calling each other sweetheart i’m calling the police

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 🚨 omfg

- “I was on the field at Marlas” ”It’s your countryman who taught me that. You can thank him for the lesson.” ”Thank who?” ”Damianos, the dead Prince of Akielos” hahahahaha okay

- the regent is back an hes brought back the other two guys, yea? and they’re all conspiring against laurent? but laurent doesn’t like kastor???? THEREFORE, jumping to conclusions like a circus cat through hoops, DAMEN LIKES LAURENT bc if you hate the same people you’re immediately pals that’s how it works

- so we’ve got a hotheaded brunette who’s a bit of a brute with a cause and a clever snarky blonde ready to subtly fuck shit up??? idk why anyone would have thought i’d be into this

- “the aloof, untouched Laurent was at this moment delivering a precise treatise on cocksucking” STUFF JUST ESCALATES OUT OF NOWHERE IN THIS BOOK DUNNIT

- Damen asking Erasmus about how he’s treated and after the other slaves???? ”Tell me everything that has happened to you since you left Akielos” 🥺 this is it, it took me hours, but we are hERE, i am willing to die for Damen

- oh no

- oh nooooo

- i am gonna go off

- NOT ERASMUS

- protect his tiny head and beautiful curls pls i will do anything

- also fuck, not Damen promising obedience in exchange for a guarantee that the other slaves will be treated well 😭😭😭

- Laurent is a scheming little bitch and i love him

- also should have mentioned earlier but Nicaise can get fucked (considering the themes of this book i should probably consider how i express my dislike for characters but you get the point, he’s a dickhead)

- THE FORK

- torveld/erasmus, okay 🥺

- Nicaise is the regent’s pet???? ofc he is jfc the little shit

- damen is talking to torveld, the baby back in akielos is totally his, i’m calling it now

- also torveld told him he looks a bit like kastor !!!! and boy oh boy is damen shitting himself rn

- oooh hunting

- wait LAURENT IS NICE!? tbd

- also damen just admiring how fucking stunning laurent is and he’s just his type but it’s such a shame the good looks are wasted on such an unpleasant person lmao

- when you think about it, without the rape and the slavery and the violence, they just sit about on silk pillows and scheme and eat, it’s a pretty good deal

- DAMEN HAS BEEN SUMMONED TO LAURENT’S BED????? or so they say, i’m unconvinced,

- OH SHIT

- oh shit

- the boys have finally reached third base: committing murder together (first base is when you get sucked off by someone else via your lover’s strict instructions, second base is when you eat off your lover’s fingers, don’t @ me i don’t make the rules)

- so the idiot really decided it was a great idea to try to escape post murder attempt???? even though Laurent told him what would happen AND IT HAPPENED

- he’s saved!!!!!!!!!

- ”You must be the fuck of a lifetime” sir they have barely touched

- i am Nervous

- this is a fucking trip

- oh no the regent is bad and trying to fuck it all up who could have seen that coming 🙄

- okay alright so — fuck — first damen tries to escape but laurent gets him back and then they still want to arrest/kill damen but laurent defends him and then laurent wants damen to be stuck in his room for months while he’s away but then he sends for him and they’re off to war together?????? my brain isn’t here anymore sorry

- “He was dressed in Laurent’s colours, and bearing his insignia” hhhhhh i’m stupidly into this

- also Nicaise and the earring and whatvs? i’m sure there’s something there, more than Nicaise simply being an arsewipe but i can’t figure it out rn, thoughts later but he’s a shit stirring cunt i can tell you that

- SO THAT’S JUST IT!?

and this is where i messaged Starry and asked her to stop me from starting the second book at 10 to midnight, thank you Starry lmao

off to ignore my responsibilities and start the second book now

[choco-glow]

Fall Like Rain On Sunday, Pt. 12

The next waffle was perfect, crispy golden and almost a perfect circle, with beautiful melted pools of chocolate dotting the surface, with two almost perfectly in the Eevee pattern’s eyes, and Jason passed it over to Steph’s plate as he chanted a few Latin prayers, grinning as she burst into cackles at his terrible imitation of a priest. He’d utterly butchered the old prayers, but eh, it wasn’t like he was practicing anymore, and it made Steph laugh, so he still felt it was doing right by a God he’d long since stopped believing in.

“Oh god, you’re Catholic, aren’t you?”

“Eh, technically I’m a Resurrectionist—” She snorted at that, loud and adorable and perfect (everyone always looked weirded out, and Jason had, early on, always done his best to snort the same way. Weird dead Robins had to look out for one another.) He snickered in response. “But yes, I’m a former Catholic. Used to go to St. Maria’s as a kid, before Father John cleaned the place up.”

“…And the chanting?”

“Look, we only fucked up one waffle! Gotta bless it before shit goes south again.” She laughed at that, bold and happy and loud, and he planted kisses all over her face before turning back to the waffle maker and getting it going again. Glancing back over his shoulder, Jason grinned to see Steph holding up a fork with a triangle of waffle, topped with whipped cream and one of the raspberries she’d washed up, and he took the offering with a nom, groaning as the concoction melted in his mouth. Chewing, he gave her a thumbs up, already planning on making one for himself, and she chuckled, spraying on whipped cream and tossing on raspberries with abandon, then diving right in.

“Ooohhhhh this is soooooo good.”

“And somewhat healthy, that’s the lowfat whipped cream and everything’s organic.” He grinned after swallowing his mouthful of heaven, mouth watering already as he watched the waffle maker count down with hungry eyes; together, they switched off and a half-dozen waffles for each later, plus bacon and eggs, they were settled on Steph’s tiny couch and snuggled up close, groaning over their shared food babies. Jason had tucked a warm blanket over them both, because the rain coming down outside was just a little chilly for his tastes, and her apartment was…definitely on the list to be reno’d.

“…mmm…”

“Hmm?”

“This is really nice, Jay…”

“Yeah it is…” He murmured, tucking her head into his shoulder and pressing a kiss to her forehead, scarred fingers gently playing with a long curl of her hair before shifting to comb through the rest of her curls, making her purr against his neck.

“Ohhhh yes…please don’t stop…” He chuckled and shifted just a little so that he could bring his other hand up; with both hands, he started working on the knots in her neck and shoulders, on up into her scalp and back down, careful to comb away her soft curls so that they didn’t tangle. Steph melted into his chest, all the tension from the week just falling away as they snuggled to the song of rain and thunder outside, and Jason hummed softly as she whimpered at the release of one particularly bad knot in her right shoulder.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah…fuck…been hurting there for a while now…”

“Why didn’t you say something?” She snorted softly, then sighed.

“You know how everyone is…”Do yoga, work it out, or just deal with it.” Jason heaved a heavy sigh himself at that, wincing.

“Touché, not being a part of the daily Batdrama made me forget about Bruce’s general masochism about pain and aches. Well, tell ya what; whenever either of us is hurting, how about we either work on each other, or go see an expert? I’ll foot the bill.”

“Yes, please. I’m…well, I don’t know how to massage someone properly? I’m guessing you learned from Alfred…”

“Talia, actually, and Nyssa while she was part of the League. Ra’s thinks it’s stupid, because it’s a ‘women’s weakness’ or some bullshit, but Talia and Nyssa both used massage as a tool, among their subordinates and with one another. And me, I guess, I was the odd duck out; most of the men were under Ra’s, while Talia’s personal guard was exclusively female.”

“She knew you, though.” Jason smiled at that, sad at the memories, and nodded, kissing her cheek now as Steph shifted up to meet his eyes. He normally didn’t like making a lot of eye contact with people, hence the hood, but Steph…it was different. Like Nyssa, in a way…Talia I never did, because she would take that as a challenge, but Nyssa and I grew to be good friends, and it was…easy with her. B always thought I was interested in her, but no; she’s just a familiar soul, I suppose. Steph, however, was even easier; there was always something in her gaze that reminded him of his own reflection, and he was sure that could be psychoanalyzed into oblivion, but he wasn’t gonna go that deep.

“She did. Damian…probably doesn’t remember all that well, but I was basically his babysitter for Talia for the short time I was there; she trusted a Robin, even one as much a zombie as I was at first, because even with the Pit madness, I was…well. Protective.” She smiled a little, and he smiled back, stroking her cheek now. “I never shoulda left him there, but…well…”

“You did what you could.”

“Yeah…and Talia was fine with me kiting off; taking Damian would have gotten me killed again. I’m just so glad she turned him over to Bruce…”

“Me too. It’s…B’s not the greatest parent, but he’s really working with Damian, which is huge given the crap he’s pulled with all of us.” Jason chuckled at that, nuzzling her cheek, and she kissed him softly, settling against his side. He tucked her close, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders, and rubbed her lower back now, grinning as she melted back into his shoulder.

“I think Damian reminds him of Dick, in a lot of ways, just more aggression, like me. So, instead of Tim, who’s learned, like Bruce, to control all his emotions in one clean, collected package, he has a Robin with attitude and a whole lotta baggage again, and he’s having to jump through hoops that he could largely train out of both Dick and I. Fortunately, Damian’s just as stubborn as B, and it’s kinda great that he’s been able to force some changes of his own.” Steph chuckled at that.

“Like Batcow, Alfred the Cat, Titus…”

“Fuckin’ Goliath, and lemme tell you, Demon Kitty was not on the list of potential pets B was willing to consider.”

“Which was why Damian just brought him home and didn’t care.” Jason snickered, laughter rumbling through his chest, which made Steph snuggle in more, much to his delight.

“Yup, and the look on B’s face is one I’ll treasure forever.” She giggled, and kissed him again, and Jason melted into the kiss, groaning when her hand started rubbing up and down his neck. He rolled a little more onto his side so that her arm didn’t cramp, and let out a full body sigh, snuggling around her. “Ohhhh baby you don’t have to…”

“I want to, Jay…tell me if I do something wrong?”

“I doubt you will, but yes, if it comes up…fuuuuuuuuuuuck oh hell yeah, right there.” He almost whimpered when she started scritching his scalp, nuzzling her hair with a moan of relief. It was better than sex, in a way; this was…grounding, and comforting, and more intimate. “Ffffucksofuckinggood.”

“This is for making me waffles, you amazing, wonderful, glorious man. I’m not sure I’m ready for sex yet, so hairscritches are at least a decent substitute?”

“Sosogoodbetterthansex.” He mumbled out, and she giggled again, shifting him so that he was facedown in the pillows and Steph was straddling his hips, working her hands up and down his back over his teeshirt, and Jason just went limp, eyes rolling with relief as his scarred muscles were carefully worked free of kinks and knots. Steph had said she hadn’t a clue, but she was gentle on his back, not pressing too hard, nor was she too light on the scars; her hands were softer than his, less callused, and so the gnarled skin over each old wound didn’t tense or ache from too much sensation. She mapped out his back with care, and with a sigh, he reached a hand back and patted her thigh.

“Babe, don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re not a genius, because that is amazing.” He could almost feel the brightness of her smile, and he chuckled as she leaned down to kiss his shoulder, purring at the warmth of her body on top of his. “Seriously.”

“I’m so glad…I hope your scars aren’t hurting?”

“Definitely not, not even twinging like usual from the rain…How about you?” She sighed a little, snuggling in closer, and he craned his neck around, worried. “Babe?”

“I’m…a little achy, but it’s in weird spots…I don’t wanna be gross…” She murmured, nuzzling his shoulder, and he gently rubbed his hand up and down her thigh, ignoring the awkward position.

“…It’s not gross if it’s things that hurt.” He murmured, and she shifted back, letting him turn and face her, green eyes earnest. “Cramps? Period? I can run out and get you whatever you need?” She blushed, shaking her head, then nodded, then sighed, and he gently drew her back into his arms, tucking her between his legs and wrapping the blanket around her, snuggling her close. “The scars Sionis gave you too?”

“…Yeah. I…Look, this is gonna be…really fuckin’ gross, but when he tortured me…he…he didn’t just limit himself to my stomach and breasts…” She murmured, gulping a little, and he closed his eyes, swallowing back the sudden rage. “He didn’t put the drill in me, thank fuck for that, but things are…kinda fucked up down there. And yeah, it’s my period going, so it’s just…extra gross…” Steph blushed bright red, and he gently stroked back her curls, eyes soft, patient. “…I have to wear the disposable underwear that old people use…”

“…Oh sweetheart, that’s okay. Does it work?” She glanced up, eyes brimming with tears, and he gently kissed her brow, her cheek, her nose, her lips, brushing soft kisses all over her face, but she nodded, one lone tear overflowing. He gently brushed it away, cupping her cheek. “Then that’s all that matters to me. I won’t be grossed out, I won’t be upset. Hell…when you do see me naked, you might run away. I’m…not exactly in great shape down there, either. Missing one of my balls and my dick ain’t the straightest.” He followed that with a fake grin, still embarrassed, deep down, but she saw right through him; Steph shook her head and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“If Roy and the others didn’t care…I won’t. Besides…” She huffed out a laugh, and he felt a real smile touch his lips again. “It just means we can be fucked up together. But…thank you for not being grossed out anyway. It’s…you’re the first person to know besides B and Leslie…and B only knows because he hacked the hospital records. And you’re the only person who’s…probably ever gonna see them, which…I’m fine with.” He smiled at that, and she smiled back, kissing him softly. “So long as you intend to keep that proposal available.”

“Baby, it’s all yours; hell, we could go out one of these days and get a set of rings.”

“…You really want a set?”

“Fuck yeah I do, I wanna be a kept man.” The snort she gave was absolutely adorable, and Jason grinned wide at that, feeling their previous good mood return finally, and Steph kissed him, full and happy and perfect, before snuggling back into his chest.

“…So, kept man…could you rub my lower back again? Cramps are hitting me hard…” He placed his hands over her hips, gently rubbing and warming the area, and Steph sighed, dropping her head onto his shoulder, the tension bleeding out of her limbs. “Fuck…thank you…”

“So welcome, sugar…Wanna watch something mindless?” She smiled, and as Jason grabbed the remote, she let out a soft sigh, snuggling in closer, and he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead once more, running his hand over her lower back and keeping her safe and warm.

Yeah.

He really loved Sundays.

[ironhusband]

i understand and even sympathize with your curiosity about who i am, but unfortunately i can't give you the answer to that. sorry friend. 😔

as for specifics, they're definitely extreme generalizations. if they were referring to individuals there would be nothing to be upset about, because anyone who can think clearly knows that there are very shitty people within any group, that's very much expected. and besides that, you can identify trends and tendencies within a group whether they're good or in this case, very bad; sweeping generalizations can be true. however, i do believe there's a difference between, "this tony stan is a white supremacist. typical." and "tony stans are white supremacists but they don't want to come out and just say that, lmao." something that was actually said, mind you. sure, generalizations may not be aimed at you specifically, but there's probably a part of you that's indignant and wanting to say "hey, that's wrong."

really though, the generalizations aren't that distressful to hear. but i guess hearing them continuously has started to get on my nerves in a way. something something "constant exposure bad" something something "straws and the backs of camels". meh.

could i just be upfront about like iron man characters? obviously, they're fucking fictional characters literally who cares that much. but do i want deal with whatever bullshit that would come from that though, big or small? no not really. i'm lazy like that. -shrugs-

and could i make a private iron man based blog or side blog? i could, but that would be a bit much considering, like you said, marvel is very much a non-priority interest for me; like sure, that food you like to eat incredibly unpredictably tastes pretty great, but you're probably not gonna be willing to jump through hoops just to eat it, huh? i'm perfectly fine being on anon, prefer it, even. feels very comfortable.

-waves hand in a circle- besides all that mess though: i can't buy you an ironheart funko pop, unfortunately; i have to worry about putting food and ingredients for black russian cocktails on the table. but, i can show you where i got my niece's! here:

https://www.popinabox.us/merch-figures/piab-exc-marvel-comics-iron-heart-with-gitd-chase-funko-pop-vinyl/12507980.html

if you had to ask me it's one of the best ones they've made. also, they've got war machine pops too! they're all sold out though. 😔 but! i think there are some new sam pops coming in? so that's something to be excited about! ~🍜

Yikes, that sounds bad. That would definitely piss me off to see my mutuals say. Sure, some Tony stans are horrible (even in that way) but like... that’s an exaggeration. Hearing that once or even continuously... I get how it can annoy even people who only like him a little. Sorry if it came off as me not believing you tho, you were just a bit hot and cold about it, and I was trying to understand. I get how that could be interpreted as both a joke and saying they’re all like that. 

You don’t have to make an iron man side blog, it was just a suggestion. I get the feeling that it’s a minor interest for you. You also don’t have to tell me who you are, I’m just learning a lot about you and it’s making me curious. Completely my fault and completely understandable of you not to want to expose yourself. 

The Riri pop is so cool! Unfortunately, I have too many pops and probably can't afford it now lol. I’ll look out for the Sam pops either way tho!

[irwintry]

How to Attract a Sea Bear

Warnings: swearing, alcohol

Author’s Note: 1. Play the clarinet badly 2. Wave a flashlight back and forth really fast (flashlights are their natural prey) 3. Stomp on the ground (they take it as a challenge) 4. Eat cubed cheese – sliced is safe 5. Wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion 6. Wear clown shoes 7. Wear a hoop skirt 8. Screech like a chimpanzee 9. Run (makes them attack again) 10. Limp (worse than running) 11. Crawl (worse than limping)

Word Count: 6k

But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever, So I think I'll be six now forever and ever.”

― A.A. Milne, Now We Are Six

-

Up until Luke, there were two types of people in the world. Those who were family (the ones who had to love you unconditionally no matter how many walls you scribbled Patrick Star on) and those who were your classmates. Close friends weren’t in the picture yet. Though public school had been going on for nearly two years now, you were perfectly content with keeping to yourself in the back of the classroom. A sheet of paper and a crayon were enough to keep you happy.

And then, Luke Hemmings had to come and ruin it all.

It was his first day of school after moving to town, and he decided to waltz right up to you and compliment your drawing of the Krusty Krab. If you had kept your mouth shut, you weren’t sure what would have happened. Maybe he would have kept bothering you. But instead, you said “thank you”, and he sat down right at your table while you went on about his funny accent. The other kids stared, of course. You never talked to anyone! Not even the teacher.

When you asked your parents if you could have Luke over for a playdate, they nearly cried. You took the time to introduce him to all of your toys, and he listened. And he was willing to play with them! No one could believe it. Of all of the people on the earth to become your first best friend, they were thrilled to know that it was the nicest one possible.

Slumber parties were common, mostly so the two of you could watch cartoons together the next morning with Eggo waffles or Lucky Charms. Couches became forts while your parents tried their best not to think of the future potential the friendship could have. It was hard not to hope for their child to love someone as wonderful as Luke was to you.

First years became second years, then third to fourth, and nothing changed between the two of you. You couldn’t imagine it ever changing. Not at all.

-

“He was thirteen that year, the age when children splinter off and abandon the old loves.” ― Mark Costello

-

“If you don’t change the channel, I’ll sit on your face and suffocate you.”

“Thank god you said you’d kill me, otherwise that doesn’t sound like much of a threat.”

Luke had been in this situation with you a million times. Your place or his– he was used to constant back-and-forth banter. If there was no banter, then the two of you were most likely not together. The friendship of crude humor and gross farts had only just entered teendom, though Luke couldn’t imagine a thing would change. He knew you didn’t have cooties, and vice versa (he hoped). It didn’t matter. The seven-years-in-the-making friendship meant more than the jokes of scrawny preteens.

“I give you four seconds,” he said.

“Why four?”

“Three... two...”

“That’s a dumb– “

“One!” Luke pounced on you, his arms darting to taser your sides as you screamed and squirmed. Meanwhile, the two capri-suns had fallen to the hardwood with a small splat. “Stop screeching like a damn chimp,” he hissed, but he couldn’t hold in his laughter. “Sea bears don’t like that.”

“Don’t– “ You gasped for air, and finally, you were able to kick him off of you. The remote had dropped down to the floor beside the leaking drink pouches. “Don’t care. I’ll screech like a damn chimp if I wanna.”

“Your mum’s gonna hate that you swore.”

“Your mum is gonna hate that you swore.” You glanced down to the fallen heroes beside you. “You owe me a new Roarin’ Waters.”

“Only if you put on Spongebob.”

“Fine.”

Things were as simple as that. Luke never had to worry about upsetting you, nor you with him, and it all narrowed down to the similar personalities that had developed throughout the past three years. If Luke didn’t have you, he wouldn’t know who he would be.

He had a premonition– a hopeful tug at his heart when he thought what was to come between the two of you. Maybe it had been this way all along. Every side glance or puckered expression made sense in his mind. The humor the two of you shared was unlike any other, and he simply couldn’t fathom the possibility that someone else out there would one day share it with you as well. Luke had never considered himself a jealous person until the few times at your locker or during lunch when he wasn’t the only one in your world.

How could he have let himself get this attached to someone? It would take him years to know.

-

“Did I think he was “the one?” I’ll never know. At sixteen, everyone is “the one.”

― K.A. Tucker, Ten Tiny Breaths

-

It was a rare occurrence for you to keep a secret from Luke. You told him about your celebrity crushes and your desire to write fanfiction (there were minor judgments on his part). You told him about the darker sides to your parents’ divorce, and you always opened up to him about whatever insecurity was going through your mind. However, when your friend Hailey asked you who you though the hottest guy in school was, you knew you would never be able to let him know that you had said his name.

It was the age of formals and sappy first dates, though you still felt too young to understand the complexity of relationships. While everyone else was exploring new ways to make-out, you were too busy trying to get comfortable with yourself. Tight jeans, flannel shirts, and skater shoes were the keys to unlocking the ultimate prize when it came to high school. And Luke, well, the ultimate prize had won him.

You became the way to his heart. In order to get to him, everyone had to get through you. At first, being the gatekeeper didn’t seem all that bad. You controlled who was worthy. If they had done a few sketchy things within the past year, then Luke – through your words – just so happened to not have feelings for them.

As the year went on, more people were turned away, and things became, well, weird. Truth be told, every single person who went to you to seek out Luke was told he, unfortunately, was not interested in them, even if it wasn’t true. You were speaking through jealousy, not facts, and you never figured he would catch on.

So, when he did, naturally, it blew up in your face.

“Did you actually tell Marissa McKee that I didn’t like her?”

The walk home had been silent for quite some time. You could tell his outburst had been building ever since school let out.

“Like, what the actual fuck, Y/N?”

You huffed, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your fluffy sweatshirt. “H-how was I supposed t’know that you liked her?”

Luke chuckled dryly. “Jesus. I told you two weeks ago! You’re supposed to know because we’re best friends. Best friends know that shit. Best friends don’t tell the person their friend likes that they don’t like them back.”

“’m sorry.”

“How could you not know?” he continued. “Like– Jesus.”

You couldn’t figure out what else to say, and neither could Luke. The two of you parted ways a moment later once you turned on his block, and then it was only another neighborhood over in order to get to your place.

It wasn’t rocket science, but you couldn’t figure it out at the time. All you knew was that it possibly had something to do with calling him the hottest guy in school, but you left it at that.

-

“I wish," he said, "I had known at eighteen what I know now - that there are some things on which one does not compromise.”

― Mary Balogh, Simply Perfect

-

“Don’t eat that,” Luke said, voice rushed as his hand jumped to grasp yours. He had a point about his itchy sweater; the red, wool material scratched your skin, albeit barely grazing it. “Do you want to attract a sea bear? ‘m not a big fan of having to clean up blood from my mum’s carpets.”

You tried to keep a straight face as you lifted the cubed cheese off of the tray despite Luke’s request. “The final touch,” you mumbled and set a bland cracker just under the Swiss cube.

His eyes widened. “You’re a dumbass. A real, lactose-intolerant dumbass.”

“Shut up,” you replied with a smirk. But the cubed cheese wasn’t as good as you were hoping it would be.

The Hemmings Christmas parties carved the path for your favorite time of year. Somehow, the snow knew when to fall as ugly sweaters gathered in the living room you used to watch Teen Titans in. Cocktails and hors-d'oeuvres were served on platters, and children danced around legs longer than their own height. And the decorations... sometimes, you had no words. Everything had a place, and everything had a purpose.

This year, your nerves were on high alert. In years past, you and Luke would spend the majority of the night by each other’s side, making snide comments or talking “grown up” with other adults. His girlfriend came into the picture months ago. Nevertheless, she was invited, and she was late. You didn’t know what to do once she got here.

Luke’s nerves were also on high alert. It was the first time Lara was meeting his family, and her lack of punctuality was already not making a great impression. The funny part of it all was the fact that cared more about your impression overall. He needed your approval, whether he wanted to believe it or not. You were the only person who knew him better than he did.

The air stiffened when Lara walked in. Luke didn’t know why he noticed it, but he had, and maybe it was because he knew you better than you knew yourself as well. He could sense every dropped composure or change in expression. He convinced himself it was the twelve years of friendship that caused him to read you so intently. But he couldn’t let all of this bother him.

He hardly saw you throughout the next few hours of the night. And then, it was charades time.

“Ready to have your ass kicked for the fifth year in a row, Lukey?” you said with a smile so sweet it could melt anyone with eyes into a sugary puddle.

Luke shrugged, and his shoulders itched with the movement of his sweater. “Can you even reach my ass?”

“I have my secrets.” You plopped down into the chair across from him and began scribbling down ideas onto tiny slips of paper.

“A secret to reaching my ass? That sounds– “

“Hey, shut it,” said Liz, but she had cracked a smile. “Let’s get on with the game.”

You prided yourself in being the ultimate charades actor. Luke, on the other hand, could hardly figure out how to act out Ghostbusters. But, like you had a secret to reaching his ass, he had a secret to stumping you and your team. It was a miracle it even worked.

“Shit,” you muttered, reading the slip of paper in between your small fingers. Your eyes met his and immediately hardened into a glare. “Die.”

Luke burst into a small fit of laughter, and he hardly felt Lara’s grip on his hand loosen as he focused all of his attention onto you. With a sigh, you held up six fingers.

“Six words,” said his uncle. “Shit, really?”

You rolled your eyes before bringing your hands in front of you to begin acting. You tried your best to look as though you were playing clarinet, though a few other instruments had been shouted out as you kept going. A moment later, you were stomping and holding up the tray of cubed cheese while pounding on your chest like a damn chimp. Luke made sure he took a mental picture of this. He could never forget this moment.

“Time’s up,” Liz yelled through the loud chatter. “What the actual hell was that?”

You narrowed your eyes at your blond best friend and spat, “how to attract a fucking sea bear,” before running over to his spot on the couch to tackle him. His chest hurt from the laughter booming from his lungs, and he could hardly feel his face aside from the occasional burning of his cheeks.

Someone mumbled “that’s seven words”, but neither of you could hear as he attempted to push you off of him. Luke’s senses were overwhelmed. The loud laughing and shouting of the small yet crowded room, plus you being practically on top of his lap at the same time, were sending his brain into some euphoric state.

And somehow, he knew it would all come crashing down.

Lara took him aside moments later. “If you want to keep me around– “

Luke didn’t like where this was going.

“–you will keep your hands off of Y/N.”

Luke didn’t know how to say no.

-

“Everyone, at nineteen, is dumb and beautiful in equal parts...”

― Raphael Kadushin

-

need iced coffee rn

wanna come?

Luke had his comforter pushed up to his nose. Being home for the holidays meant feet dangling off of childhood beds, his mother’s infamous casseroles, and best of all, plenty of time to spend with you. He rubbed his tired eyes before slowly sitting up to answer your text.

You buying?

He replied and sighed, rubbing his neck and pushing his weight out of the twin-sized bed. The small murmur of chatter from the kitchen filled his ears, and if he was honest, he didn’t want to join the conversation. All Luke wanted was a long drive with you.

like hell

i’m drivin bitch

gimme gas $$

Luke chuckled at your response as he dug through his bottom drawer for a thin sweatshirt.

Fine I’m in

The next few minutes were filled with wandering around the small (and quite dirty) confines of his carpeted bedroom and humming along to whatever song popped into his sleepy brain. Your car was in the driveway before he realized, and soon, the familiar obnoxious honking bounced around the four walls.

“Luke, tell Y/N to shut the hell up!” shouted Liz from the kitchen, but it was all fun.

He let out another laugh before rushing into the living room and out of the house with a squeaky “g’bye”. You continued honking even when he clambered into the passenger seat, and a part of him wanted to let you keep going. You were smiling so damn big.

“Shut the fuck up,” he said, hitting your hand away from the steering wheel. “Liz was seconds away from beating you up.”

“Tell her I want that,” you replied before pressing resume on whatever song had been playing on your phone. “If Liz can take me in a fight, then I don’t need goals. Like, I’m set for life after that.”

“Oh, but fighting me is just second nature?”

You shrugged as you began backing out of the driveway. “Yeah, I mean, you’re weak, so...”

“Fuck you.”

“Bet ya wish ya could.”

“I– “ Luke didn’t have a comeback, so he cut himself off.

You gasped. “Does that mean you actually want to fuck me?”

“No!” he exclaimed, his voice jumping up to a much higher octave (which usually occurred whenever he had to defend himself... it was either that, or he was lying).

You giggled, like you usually did when pressing his buttons, and then turned the music up.

Luke hadn’t thought much about sex without anyone else since breaking things off with Lara many months ago. It was tragic but true. No one consumed his mind; he hardly had the time to focus on fancying anyone. He knew how to satisfy himself enough, though Luke couldn’t help but wonder if he was broken. The thought only overwhelmed his mind for a split moment– your poor dancing to the Jonas Brothers distracted him meanwhile.

And then, he was thinking about you.

No, he hadn’t thought about fucking you. For the majority of his life, you felt like family. Hell, you were treated exactly like family. Somehow, along those lines, he still recognized the fact that you were special to him and only him. Years ago, he would have thought it weird to think about you in bed. He still thought it weird, but the more it washed over him, the less acidic the idea tasted on his tongue.

Luke could force the feelings away if he truly wanted to. He could forget he ever spent a moment thinking about you in this way. But instead, he grabbed your dainty hand, wedging his own fingers in between yours before slipping back into the new future his brain was conjuring up for him.

Most of all, you would have no idea that his skin flushed at the thought of spending an evening with you.

-

“He was twenty. I remembered twenty. I'd known everything at twenty. It took me another year to realize I knew nothing.”

― Laurell K. Hamilton, Circus of the Damned

-

His hands held the desire to crush the two plastic cups in his drunken grip. If he focused hard enough, he would trample the toes of ditzy dancers, their hips knocking hard into his path. Instead, his eyes were trained on you. You, with the curve of your neck aimed towards a taller man, were too busy to notice your best friend.

The contents of the one red cup spilled over his angry knuckles. Luke hardly noticed the sharp sensation of plastic digging into his skin until the alcohol hit the feet of innocent bystanders. There were loud yelps and threats, but he didn’t hear a single one. He envisioned the smoke streaming from his ears the moment you leaned into the man whose hand traced circles onto your waist.

Luke locked himself in the bathroom. The white-tiled room proved itself to be more interesting than the crowded college party he originally invited you to. There were pictures of city skylines and prints of surrealist paintings, but he couldn’t stay concentrated on one thing long enough before he lost himself in the thought of that man’s hands on you. Luke could have stopped it if he had the mental strength. But truth be told, he preferred feeling pathetic over disappointing you.

He had managed to get comfortable on the small fuzzy rug in front of the sink. His black t-shirt was covered in some alcoholic drink, and he assumed it had been yours before his fingers did the deed of crushing the solo cup to death. This jealousy had sprung up out of nowhere. If he hadn’t invited you over in the first place, he would have never experienced someone captivating your attention like he was so used to doing himself.

An hour of “occupied” and “someone’s in here” passed by slowly, and Luke spent the entire time checking his phone for texts from you. The same wallpaper of your face photoshopped onto Squidward greeted him every time. It reminded him of when a friend or stranger would ask who you were, and he would spend close to ten minutes trying to convince them that, no, he was not dating you. By that point, he’d rather say yes. He had enough knowledge of you to convince them.

someone said some blond has b een pukig his guts out in trhe bathrom for lik an hour now????

is that u??

are u ok

canm i c ome pee

Luke sighed. At least you had texted him.

Yeah, but I’m not puking

Pls join me

He sighed, resting his head against the wooden cabinet behind him as the sounds of the party echoed in his aching head.

hm ok ;;)

“Knock, knock!” you shouted from outside of the door. “You better be naked.” A few giggles left your lips, and if Luke had been any drunker, his entire body would have burst into flames.

“Comin’,” he mumbled as he lifted himself up gradually. His knees cracked as they bent, and it took most of his energy to not keel over into the porcelain bathtub before him.

You were grinning as he opened the door, your body immediately falling into his chest before closing the door behind you. “Comin’, huh?” you questioned, gripping tightly onto his waist. “Thinkin’ ‘bout me as you came?”

Luke peeled you off of him. His eyes were wide as he asked, “how many drinks have ya had?”

You held up four fingers, or maybe it was five. Or maybe three. Luke couldn’t tell– he didn’t care. You dragged down your pants a moment later.

“W-wh– what are you doing?”

“Goin’ pee,” you replied before sitting yourself down onto the toilet.

Luke sighed again as he turned away from you. This whole night was a terrible decision.

“What are you doin’?” you asked him. Your voice was still light and slurred, but you sounded happy. It was hard for Luke to comprehend the emotions surrounding him at the moment.

“Givin’ you privacy.”

You snorted. “Okay. Fourteen years of like, no privacy at all, and now you decide to give me privacy?”

He tried to focus on the sounds of the party as you spoke. “Mhm.”

There was a loud flush. “So, what’s up your butt t’night baby boo? Why’d ya lock yourself in here?” The sound of rushing water filled the small space, so he turned to face you once more.

Luke shrugged. He had no way of telling you about the jealousy that coursed through his veins at the sight of you pressed against another man. He had no way of communicating the fact that this jealousy ran deeper than just friendship.

“Lukey, I can read ya like a book,” you said, plopping down onto the rug he had just spent a whole hour sitting on and waiting for you to text him.

He shook his head. “Jus’, no reason,” he replied, another shrug following.

You quirked an eyebrow up at him in suspicion. You weren’t going to let him off the hook that easily. “You locked yourself in the bathroom when you received your first college rejection letter.”

“I promise, I’m fine.”

“You say that, but– “

“Are you having a good time?”

“What?” you asked.

Luke leaned back against the door the moment someone knocked their knuckles against it. “Occupied. I said, are you having a good time?”

“Well, yes, but– “

“Then, that’s all that fucking matters.” Luke wanted nothing more to be in bed with you at the foot as you went off about some dramatic contestant on that evening’s episode of Jeopardy. He didn’t want to be in this position with you.

You stood up, your arms folded tightly across your chest. Your eyebrows were knotted, and your lips were pulled into a frown. “What’s your deal?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled out so low he could hardly hear.

“Lu, what is your deal?”

“That fucking guy!” he shouted. “That guy who had you wrapped around his fucking finger is my deal. Okay? Happy? I’m fuckin’ jealous for some fucking reason. I wanted to punch his fuckin’ smirk off of his fuckin’ face because his fuckin’ hands were– “

“You’re jealous of a guy touching me?” you whispered.

Luke wanted to pay a random buff guy to punch him in the face so he could forget this conversation ever happened. That wouldn’t cause you to forget it, but he could at least convince you that you were going crazy.

He let out a long, shaky exhale before bringing his hands up to his temples. “I fucking guess.”

Your lips were pulled into a deep frown. It was the kind of frown that you wore whenever someone disappointed you, no matter how small the issue. If they couldn’t pick up a candy bar from the store, cue the frown.

“Can– can we go?”

Luke nodded. Both of you had accepted defeat.

-

“When you are in your twenties, even if you're confused and uncertain about your aims and purposes, you have a strong sense of what life itself is, and of what you in life are, and might become.”

― Julian Barnes, The Sense of an Ending

-

Luke had, once again, pulled out the old red sweater for the annual Hemmings Christmas party. However, this year, no girlfriends were attending alongside him. It was relieving to know he could catch up with you whilst surrounded by the primitive atmosphere of his immediate family. Plus, he already down one beer before the afternoon began. Despite his (very) minor intoxication, he still convinced himself he was seeing things as the sight of hanging greens and white berries tied with a bright red bow caught his eye.

“Mum, what’s this?”

Liz ambled over and grinned. “Mistletoe! Figured we’d start a new tradition.”

“Wh-what?” He would definitely need another beer within the next hour, and the party hadn’t even started. “Why?”

His mother shrugged as she continued going through her decoration checklist. Wreaths were hung, platters were stacked with all sorts of foods, and champagne flutes were delicately placed beside the many bottles of alcohol. The Hemmings family took their Christmas parties seriously. The large fir in the living room had gifts below the lowest boughs for weeks.

“Jus’ need more excuses to kiss Andy,” she replied smugly.

Luke rolled his eyes, and he almost accepted that as her final answer before she continued.

“The whole family decided that it’s about time you and Y/N get together anyway,” she said, and nonchalantly at that. She was stacking the brownies without bothering to look back to see her son’s gaped expression.

“What?”

She hummed.

“Ya can’t be serious, mum!”

“Of course ‘m serious,” she chuckled. “We swore ya’d be together by now.”

Luke sighed. The past few years had changed your relationship, both distance and different feelings combined, but he tried to ignore it as best as he could. He assumed you were doing the same. By this point, there was no way he could deny the nerves that built in his stomach at the thought of being in the same room as you. Something tugged in his heart when it came to you, and it only ever pulled him closer.

The evening came, and it only took about thirty minutes for the aunts, uncles, and cousins to get absolutely smashed. Luke, on the other hand, cradled his second beer until the glass no longer held a touch of cold. You had willingly joined a few of his cousins for a conversation on the couch, while in the dining room, his uncles were yelling political statements that had no reason to be shouted. Luke was left in the kitchen to analyze the foods.

“Okay, I get that like, marriage is a thing, but I don’t wanna talk about that with your cousins,” you said on your way into the kitchen. You had done something new with your hair, and Luke couldn’t stop thinking about how soft it looked against your dark green sweater. “Don’t eat all of the little smokies!” you wailed, crossing your arms. “Ya fuckin’ animal.”

Luke chuckled and tossed his used toothpick into the trash under the sink. Meanwhile, his eyes caught a glimpse of– “your shoes. What are those? Fuckin’ clown shoes.”

Your mouth fell open. “Meanie. I bought these on sale. ‘m sorry they’re too ugly for your Christmas party.”

“Oh, no, I’m not worried about that,” he said with a grin. “’m worried about the... the sea bear.”

You rolled your eyes and started towards the living room. “Fuck you.”

“Bet ya wish you could,” he replied, following suit.

“Literally, I never– “

“Stop right there!” Liz shouted from across the living room. A little over a dozen heads snapped in the direction of you and Luke, and their smiles only widened. For a moment, Luke couldn’t figure it out.

But then, he looked up.

“Shit,” he mumbled, eyeing the mistletoe that hung above the two of you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as your eyes followed his gaze, and once again your mouth fell open slightly.

“If ya don’t kiss, I’ll beat you up,” threatened someone, and their statement was followed by a bunch of kiss chants that sent Luke’s blood boiling.

He wasn’t angry, nor was he upset. He was nervous. Your eyes were still locked on the dainty branches hanging just above his forehead, and Luke didn’t know what to do. Your lips, the lips that he had thought about kissing for years, were pulled into a small pout.

“We don’t have to,” he mumbled, trying his best to smile through the pain of the situation. But he knew it wasn’t a bad pain. The ache was crawling up his chest and into his throat, preventing his voice from tossing out words that didn’t need to be said.

You shrugged, neck twisting to face the family that had practically become your own after all of these years. If this had occurred years ago, would he feel your hesitance the same? “Let’s just please ‘em,” you sighed with a chuckle. “They won’t let us live it down otherwise.”

“Ya sure?”

You nodded, the small smiling growing ever so slightly as your shoulders rose and fell with grace. “No harm in it.”

Luke nodded, too. You were wrong, however, because if nothing changed after this, the harm would come to him.

“So, we just– “

He took a small step forward, touching the tip of his boots to the tip of your clown shoes. Sure, he had been this close to you hundreds of times before, if not closer, but the proximity meant nothing then. It meant nothing when he crawled on top of you to retrieve the remote. It meant nothing when you attacked him after a game of charades. It meant nothing until he finally realized it always meant something.

Luke inhaled sharply, resting his hands on your waist as you gave him another reassuring smile. He truly loved your smile. “S’okay?” he whispered while leaning in and resisting the urge to back away.

You hummed. Your hands had found their way up to his neck, and his skin burned from the touch. Even without the pads of your fingers dancing along the muscles along his throat, his skin would still burn.

He felt as though years had passed by the time you closed the distance, your bottom lip gently nestling in between his. You put an ample amount of pressure into the kiss, careful not to overstep your boundaries, but Luke’s mind took control after that. His fingers dug into your waist as he took the chance to press his lips a little harder against yours. The skin on his cheeks would melt off if either of you took this a bit further. Every nerve in his body had ignited.

And then you let go, and suddenly everything felt cool again. He didn’t like the sensation of your lips leaving his, but he did like the timid smile that stretched across your blushing cheeks. There were cheers from his parents, hoots and hollers from his uncles and aunts, but he could hardly hear a single thing. Luke needed you to know how that kiss made him feel.

“Um,” he mumbled, letting out a cough as he reached for his beer to take a quick swig. Luke glanced over at the clock on the stove before looking back to you. “Grab your coat and meet me outside.” He took off towards his bedroom a moment later.

The shaking in his hands hadn’t subsided by the time he met you outside. Your teeth were chattering, but you looked too damn adorable in your knit hat. He couldn’t believe that he had kissed you. He couldn’t believe that he had kissed you.

“W-what’s up buttercup?” you stuttered with a great big smile. Maybe you hadn’t minded the kiss at all. Nevertheless, it didn’t make the upcoming conversation any easier.

Luke kicked a chunk of snow onto the sidewalk. “Uh.” He winced, brushing his curls back before adjusting the beanie on his head. “Shit, I don’ really know where to start.” He let out a defeated laugh. His hands were already raw despite the fur-lined pockets of his coat. If only he had brought gloves.

You didn’t say anything as the two of you rounded the corner onto the next street over. The street lamps and porch lights lit the path well with the help of the snow as a reflector. Luke believed that, throughout his sixteen years of knowing you, he had shared secrets much deeper than his fondness towards you. None of them proved to be as nerve-wracking as this moment right here.

“Y’know when we were like, sixteen, and you told the girl I liked that I didn’t like her?” he asked, a hot puff of air hitting his cheeks as he exhaled rapidly. Luke gazed over at you and watched your confused expression tighten.

“I-I think so?”

“I wasn’t really that mad.” Luke wanted to reach out for your hand, similar to the times he would do it just to hold onto something.

“Oh, okay.”

“And the time Lara asked me to stop– “

You snorted. “Fucking hated that bitch.”

Luke smirked in response. “Yeah, that really pissed me off. It destroyed me. I dunno why I didn’t realize that I’d pick you over her any day. Fuck, I’d pick you over anyone.”

“Really?”

Despite the conflict arising in his brain, Luke reached out for your hand, and he was relieved when you gladly complied. “Mhm.” He blinked and breathed out a few times to hopefully steady his heart rate. “’nd when I got mad ‘bout that guy at the party a few years ago.”

“Oh, Lu, I told you I hardly remember– “

“But I do,” he said, frowning. “I was so jealous. Like, so fuckin’ jealous. Didn’t know why. Couldn’t even figure it out. And then, it clicked, and suddenly– “

“What clicked?” You stopped walking, your eyes widening, but just barely.

Luke swallowed thickly. “I jus’– I guess I– “ He sighed. “I don’t even know when I noticed but– “

“Luke,” you chuckled, tugging on his hand, “it’s just me.”

He stared at you, noticing how relaxed you seemed in his presence. You were right, it was just you. He nodded and took one more deep breath. “I’m in love with you.”

Your smile faltered, and in that moment, Luke could feel his heart fall to his feet, but the smile soon grew once again. “Y’are?” You bit your lip.

He could feel his lips twitch into a grin as well as he nodded again, his grip on your hand slackened gently. “Yeah,” he whispered.

In one swift movement, you had your arms wrapped around his neck as you pressed your cold lips to his. Noses bumped, and teeth clashed, but neither of you seemed to care as your embrace tightened. Luke could feel your smile against his chapped cheeks, and he didn’t mind one bit that your toes were on his. He hardly had enough strength to balance the two of you, but if you were to collapse into the snow bank beside the shoveled path, he wouldn’t care one bit.

“Is this– um,” Luke pulled away to look at you. “Does this mean– “

“If you don’t get too bummed over losing charades again for the ninth year in a row, I might just be in love with you, too.”

[kienova66]

If you are still taking prompts.... Fitzsimmons where one of them is/was/pretends to be a sex worker?

Hope this is okay Anon. I’m sure this theme will pop up again somewhere in my writing in the future ;)

“Y-you want me to do what?” Jemma croaked, eyes wide as Coulson and May looked at her. “Surely Skye –”

“Skye isn’t trained for this, Simmons. Not at all,” May replied, voice level as she regarded the younger woman with trepidation. “Frankly, I don’t think you’re qualified for it either, but I don’t fit the age bracket and we don’t have the resources to call in reinforcements.”

“Jemma. You’ll do fine,” Coulson interjected, laying a calming hand on Jemma’s arm as she looked about the room, panic suffusing every fibre of her being. “We’ll be there every step if the way through the comms. As soon as you see the guy, you say the code word, and we’ll come in. Fitz and Ward will be on the ground as backup as well in case you run into any trouble.”

“O-okay,” Jemma muttered, unable to get her cheeks to stop flushing as she went to stand up.

“Have Skye take you shopping. I don’t think we have anything on the Bus that would work for this,” he added, watching Jemma quickly flee from the room.

“Do you really think its good to have an agent that can’t lie, let alone flirt, pretending to be a prostitute?” May queried, leaning against the wall and giving Coulson a hard glare.

“Its like you said. Skye isn’t trained or qualified for anything like this and, while I think you look timeless, Jemma is more like the typical victim. She looks younger than she is and gives off an air of honest naivety – its exactly what the guy has been going for,” he replied. “We’ll keep close to her. She’s going to be fine.”

--

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Jemma panicked, fingers digging into Skye’s forearm as the other woman picked up one dress after another, frowning and shaking her head before putting them back.

“You’ll be fine. Just act sexy, like you’ve got something they want, and guys will flock to you. It won’t be that hard,” Skye assured her, grabbing for an extremely low-cut top and cocking her head to the side.

“But… what if they… what if someone is willing to pay? Do I… do I have to go through with it?” The question was posed so timidly that Skye felt like she had been punched in the stomach.

“Jesus, Simmons, no!” Skye erupted, dropping the clothes she was holding and turning to face the biochemist. “The minute someone wants to take you somewhere, one of us will step in. Ward will get them away from you or if it starts getting crazy Coulson and May will jump it. You do not have to sleep with anyone. Ew.”

“I don’t know if I can do this… I’m not exactly like you, Skye. I’m not… confident.”

“We are gonna doll you up and I will give you a couple pick-up lines to practice which I have found on the internet just for this occasion and you’re going to do great,” Skye insisted, grabbing for an outfit she had picked. “Now, what do you think about this?”

--

Jemma fidgeted, trying not to look out of place as she leaned against the brick wall, desperately trying to keep her balance on the too-tall heels she was wearing. Skye had insisted that she needed them, as well as the much-too revealing top and barely-there skirt that rode so far up her thighs she was worried that everyone would be able to see her knickers. May had debriefed her more than once about what their suspect looked like and what her protocol was if the man showed up.

Anytime someone approached her that wasn’t him, she was supposed to tell them she was waiting on someone. If the john wouldn’t listen, Ward or Fitz would come and intervene, pretending to be the person she was waiting for. Ward had seemed more than calm with the mission, gun tucked into the waistband of his pants underneath his jacket as he sauntered down the street. Fitz, on the other hand, was pale and jumpy, unable to meet her eyes before he had gone in the opposite direction to Ward, leaving May and Skye in one surveillance van while Coulson stationed himself in a nearby restaurant.

“Hey pretty girl,” a man grinned, leaning over the passenger seat in his car and calling out the window. Jemma felt sick at the attention, trying not to let her revulsion at his leer show on her face.

“Hey,” she said, pushing off the wall and moving just a tiny bit closer so that she could see his face. It wasn’t him.

“How do you feel about going for a ride?” the man queried.

“I’m afraid I’m waiting on someone,” she replied, giving him a fake pout. The man chuckled.

“Your loss sugar,” he said, pulling away from the curb and travelling further down the block where Jemma could see a small group of women gathered together, hooting and hollering in a way to get the attention of passing drivers. She let out a sigh of relief, moving back to sag against the wall once again. She could feel her hands trembling at her sides, hoping that every interaction she had to endure that night would be as easily thwarted.

“You’re doing great Simmons,” Skye’s voice said in t ear, as if the woman could sense her intense and suffocating discomfort.

“Thanks,” she murmured quietly.

The next few interactions went in a similar fashion, only one of the men hurling a rude slur at her before he drove off, leaving Jemma feeling vulnerable and cold as she tried to tug the pathetic excuse for a coat further around her body. A commotion came over the comms then, Ward swearing as he started talking to someone else. Jemma winced, trying to ignore the feedback in her ear as a man started walking towards her.

“Fitz,” she breathed, heart starting to hammer in her chest. There was something about the man that made her uneasy as he passed through the hoops of illumination on the sidewalk that the street lamps provided, his face dark and expression commanding. Instead of reply she could hear steps hastening.

“Hey baby,” the man said, stopping a mere foot from her the second he could. He propped an arm up beside her head, boxing her in.

“Hi,” Jemma answered, hoping her voice didn’t betray the dread that filled her stomach when she realised it was the man they had been waiting for.

“Haven’t seen you here before. And I’d remember. Tits like that, they’re just begging to be fucked,” he grinned. Jemma struggled against a bush at such a lewd comment. “How much for the night?”

“Sorry, I’m waiting for someone,” she managed to choke out, feeling sweat break out along the small of her back.

“I’ll double what he’s paying you,” the man insisted, stroking a hand along her face before grabbing at her breast, squeezing it. Jemma squirmed away, nausea rising in her throat. “Pretty little slut like you. Bet you get a lot of customers wanting a piece of your ass.”

“Maybe. B-but I always honour my word. The other guy just had to go to an ATM,” she bit back, relief flooding through her when she saw Fitz round the corner. “Poor thing, bet he’s never had a woman before. Took him forever just to ask me my name,” she rushed, hoping her explanation would cover her insecurity. She wondered how angry Fitz would be with her for making such a comment, but didn’t manage to settle on the thought long.

“I-I’ve got it,” Fitz panted, holding up a wad of money in his hand, eyes wild and cheeks crimson.

“Maybe I’ll see you later,” she said. “After all, the night is still young.” The words were the cue for May and Coulson to move in, but she received no confirmation over her earpiece. “Come on babe,” she said, taking Fitz’s hand and tugging him along the road.

“Babe?” he asked, voice tight.

“Sorry.”

They continued down the street in silence, trying to make their way to the restaurant a few blocks over where Coulson was waiting, their planned rendezvous the tiny little apartment that was for let above the storefront. Jemma felt jumpy, her body shivering in the cold.

“D’you want my coat?” Fitz queried, immediately shrugging out of it and laying it over her shoulders before she could answer, edging closer to his side the second it was in place.

“Fitz, I think he’s following us,” Jemma hissed, feeling her heartbeat increasing as they walked down the street, his arm curled around her back. She could practically hear him swallow, eyes darting around the road as footsteps echoed behind them. She knew he wanted to glance back to check, but he kept his eyes forward.

“I’m… I’m going to touch you. Just… just to make him think this is what he thinks it is,” Fitz murmured, voice cracking slightly. Before she could retort or ask what he was going to do, she felt his hand slide down her back and settle on her arse, palming the flesh. The heat of his hand permeated through the thin fabric of her skirt, his pinky landing directly on the skin of her upper thigh. “Christ,” he groaned, gritting his teeth. Jemma laughed awkwardly, feeling her cheeks flush at his touch as she leaned into him, chancing a tiny look over his shoulder.

“He’s still coming. Where the hell is Ward?” she whispered. Fitz could feel the agitation in how tense her muscles were, even as she pressed herself just a little bit closer, seeking the comfort of being with someone who knew her completely.

“Jem… I don’t know if he’s going to leave us until he thinks…” he didn’t need to finish the sentence, knowing from how she inhaled that she understood. “I might… I mean, I think I need to –”

“Okay,” she replied, resting her forehead against his neck for a second just as they rounded a corner, an alleyway just a little further ahead. Before she knew what was happening, Fitz had crowded her into the darkened alley, backing her into the wall and bracketing his hands by her face.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, barely a second passing before he slanted his lips over hers, one hand sliding down until he could wrap it around her hip, stepping into her space. Jemma couldn’t help the tiny moan that slipped out of her at the contact, her fingers tangling in his hair as she held him against her, heart pounding. Despite the terror that was running through her at the prospect that their suspect was still so close, she couldn’t help but get lost in the feeling.

Seconds passed and Fitz didn’t pull away, his hand moving from her hip to her thigh until he could tug her against him, letting her leg come to wrap around his hip as his fingers dug into the bare skin of her leg, their pelvises pressed together as he pushed her a little harder into the wall. Jemma felt herself starting to get light headed as Fitz’s tongue started to plunder her mouth.

“Please,” she whimpered, unable to stop herself from rolling her hips slightly against him. She felt more than heard his groan in response, his arousal pressing against her at the friction between them. She would be lying if she said she had never wondered what it would be like to kiss her best friend; the thought only creeping in during the darkness of the night when she was alone in her bunk, body thrumming with left over adrenalin and rushing with arousal.

Bang.

The sound of an ICER going off jolted them away from each other, Fitz backing away so fast he nearly stumbled over a discarded crate as Jemma hastily tried to comb her hands through her hair, May standing at the entrance of the alley with a stern expression on her face.

“Get back to the van,” she said, voice brokering no argument as the scientists quickly nodded, ducking back out onto the street and hastening towards the car. Jemma glanced over at Fitz, noticing his slightly awkward gait as she tried not to teeter over on her heels.

“A-are we going to talk about what happened?” Jemma asked quietly. Fitz looked over at her, his expression pained and sheepish.

“Do you want to?” he queried, his cheeks stained red with a blush. Heart in her throat, she nodded, unable to quell the new feelings that his lips and tongue had sparked in her body. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she desperately wanted to find out.  

“Yeah. I think I do.”

[silverscribe87]

On Lapidot Hate

I've been seeing a lot of Lapidot hate come across my dash lately, which is to be expected of the SU community. There is a very vocal crowd that despises the ship as if it personally crushed all their hopes and dreams. And that's fine. You can like what you like and dislike what you dislike.

What isn't fine is all the irrational and dishonest mental hoops people bend over backwards to jump through to justify their hatred. I'm gonna go over a couple of my favorites. I'll probably regret this.

Peridot is always there for Lapis, Lapis does nothing for Peridot. One sided relationship.

I swear if this isn't the most annoying load of bull. Peridot's emotional support and caring for Lapis is more obvious, more bold and easily observed. And there's a good reason for that. They're both at different points in adjusting to their new lives, at different points in their personal development. Peridot already went through a ton of development and adjustment before Lapis ever moved into the barn with her. Steven and the rest of the Gems helped her to grow. Helped her to become a new and better gem. A different gem from the one Lapis knew during her imprisonment on the ship. “It's different now, I'm different!” Ring any bells? Peridot is to Lapis what Steven was to Peridot. A guide. A steady pillar in a world that's been turned upside down for her. So yeah, Peridot will be doing a lot of heavy lifting in that department. And honestly, and I know I'll get hell for saying this, Lapis just has more trauma to deal with than Peridot ever did. And I am by no means trying to diminish what Peridot went through, what she sacrificed and her effort in getting over all that Homeworld programming. But Lapis got caught up in a war she was never meant to be apart of. Lapis was imprisoned in a mirror for thousands and thousands of years. And when she finally made it through all that, finally got to go home, she was betrayed and made a prisoner all over again. Yes nearly every character in SU is suffering emotional trauma to one degree or another, but Lapis' is some of the most intense and most prolonged. And she does care for Peridot. She encourages Peridot in things she's excited about. She gets involved in Peridots interest. She supports her. She protects her. Peridot has been Lapis' savior in more ways than one and while it's certainly not as obvious as the feelings Peridot lavishes on Lapis (and come on we all know Peri is a little overbearing anyway :P ) those feelings are obviously reciprocated. If in a more subtle way. It's not a one sided relationship.

Lapis was horrible to Peridot! She broke her recorder!

Of course she was! In the beginning. People seem to block out how...forceful Peridot was in Barn Mates. The last time Peridot and Lapis interacted before that point, Lapis was Perdot's prisoner. Just an informant necessary for her mission to earth. Dragging Lapis back to a place she had desperately tried to escape. Peridot was her interrogator. And now here she was casually trying to brush all that off as “in the past” and shower Lapis with gifts so they could just forget about all that and be friends! Relationships don't work that way. Now this isn't all on Peridot. Her interpersonal skills were still in development to put it lightly and Steven wasn't helping matters with his well intentioned but hugely naive attempts at guiding Peridot in forming a relationship with Lapis. But that doesn't change the fact that Peridot was still really arrogant at this point and didn't seem to fully grasp how she'd hurt Lapis in the past or why Lapis couldn't just let all that go and trust her now. Lapis didn't trust her and she couldn't understand why Steven trusted Peridot either. Because she didn't know the new Peridot yet. But when the Roaming Eye came and Lapis realized Peridot was telling the truth about everything. Yeah. She started being more receptive. More willing to get to know Peridot. Willing to trust her after being shown proof of her truthfulness. Imagine that. Lapis didn't break Peridot's recorder because she was being petty. Lapis didn't try to drive Peridot away because she's a bitch. It was all a very real response to her past experiences with Peridot exacerbated by Lapis' other existing traumas.

Those are my two biggest pet peeves. Lapis and Peridot's relationship isn't perfect. It has flaws. They both have flaws. That's life. That's people. That's relationships. If you can't stand the ship, if the thought of them being gay farmer artist girlfriends together drives you insane, that's fine! That's great even! You're allowed to dislike things! Allowed to critique them. But by the stars stop making up bullshit that just isn't true to justify your disdain. And really fucking stop attacking people who disagree with you.

I don’t think Lapis is some flawless, sympathetic angel. But she’s not the Satan some make her out to be. Nor is Lapidot, or most any other ship really.

[alex-guerin]

Okay, so...back on New Years Eve, I hung out with a friend most of the night, we went to Lincolnshire to see the final performance of “NEWSIES” and then I dropped her back off at her car and went over to Jason’s with ten minutes to spare before midnight. It was the first time in a long time he’d been able to stay up until midnight on NYE. His mom was there, I got to meet her, all great, cool, terrific. Next weekend I ended up at his house again, she was still there, got to hang with his entire family, including his kids, and the next morning before I left I asked his mom if I could add her to my Facebook friends. Y’know, in case I needed someone to talk to about him and everything and didn’t know where else to turn. 

Long story short, she and I are FB friends and chat occasionally. Yes, our favorite subject to talk about happens to be her son lol! 

Thursday afternoon Jason sent me a text that pretty much deserved an explanation and I never got one out of him. I went to bed upset, didn’t hardly sleep, woke up frustrated and exhausted and made a post on FB about how sending me a text 20 minutes before I’m supposed to fall asleep and not giving any explanation when asked about it is a shit move, now I felt like crap, thanks for that, and then went to work. His mom saw it and commented on it, told me to just keep holding on, take things one day at a time, things would be okay. Well, after work I posted again, saying how I really wanted to just say “fuck it” and try to get him to have the Conversation I’d been wanting to have with him in person, via text after all (he had to call off work yesterday because 1: his stomach was upset; and 2: Uber double charged him the day before so now his card was all fucked up and he wasn’t able to get a ride into work. ...I told him next time that happens, call work and tell them you’re gonna be late, but you’ll be there and I will go pick his ass up. 4:30 am traffic, it’d take me 10 minutes to get to his house! I know it would, cuz it takes just about 15 minutes to get there from work during mid-morning traffic. I’ve done it. I’ve timed it). I debated for a while about whether I should leave the post open for his mom to see or not, and finally decided I would. I hadn’t listed any names, but I knew she’d know I was talking about him just the same. 

At 2:35 my phone buzzed at me. It wasn’t my usual text message, prolonged buzz, it was the quick, double buzz it does when my FB messenger gets a message. I was trying to figure out how to answer a text to Jason, looked down and saw his mom’s picture in the corner of my phone and panicked all the more. She’d seen my post, I already knew that’s why she was texting me. I cautiously opened her message and saw this: “Alyssa, please do not get hurt. I just read your post. Just be yourself and put it in God’s hands. He is a complicated man, extremely difficult to figure out. In the past he has had his heart broken so many times so he has literally put up a shield and hardened his heart. Just wanted you to know some things about his past. And as you can tell his relationship with [The Ex] is difficult on everyone.” I admitted to her that I hadn’t been sure whether I should make that post visible to her or not, but that I was glad I had decided to and that she messaged me. I told her how I’d been thinking of messaging her to ask about him, but I wasn’t even sure what I’d say or anything (I didn’t tell her that I’d had more than a few people tell me, “WHAT!? Don’t message his MOM! Dude! That’s just weird! Creeper! Seriously! Don’t message her!”). She told me I could call or text her anytime. She may not have all the answers, but she does know her son. 

She and I texted back and forth for HOURS! Literally! HOURS! I don’t think you understand...HOOOOOOOOOOURS!  From 2:35pm until 9pm! All about him, and me, and me and him. She confirmed soooooo many things that I had only assumed or suspected, and said so many things that explained why he is the way he is right now. I told her that Jason had told me that The Ex had left and taken the kids, but he didn’t say anything more than that, and I didn’t want to cause him any pain by asking why she’d left...so I asked if she’d be willing to tell me. And Oh. My. God. If I ever meet his ex, I swear to God, I will make her regret EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!!! His mom explained to me how their marriage went down the hole because of this habitually lying bitch! All the things this woman did to him! I was SOBBING as I read her message! She also said how anytime Jason brings up divorce (because he wants one), this bitch changes the subject! This bitch HAS A BOYFRIEND! But she still keeps sending Jason mixed messages and stringing him along, and using their kids as pawns. She calls demanding something and Jason has to jump through hoops in order to see his kids. She wants something, she’ll tell Jason the kids “need” something, and he’ll just hand the cash over. I just...I cannot believe this bitch. 

Because of this bitch (I refuse to call her “this woman” because no. She’s a bitch and that’s what I’m calling her), Jason’s confidence is shot. He doesn’t like himself anymore (so his mom says, and I can see that at times). She literally drove him to drinking and drugs. He never use to do either until their problems started and he felt his marriage falling apart around him. I told his mom that I do my very best, and I try very hard, to remind him that he’s a great a guy, that he’s my hero and My Superman, and that he’s the hardest working guy back in our department -- that so many people are lost when he’s not there. I’ve unwittingly been trying to build his confidence back up. She told me that his life is literally a wreck right now. That he’s an emotional rollercoaster because of his day-to-day life at the moment; he’ll be at the top of the world one minute, being the boy she remembers, and then in the blink of an eye it’s all gone again. 

I’m not giving up on him. I told his mom this. I REFUSE to be another person who abandons him. His dad walked out when he was a kid -- leaving his mom to raise him and his brother alone -- I don’t know what happened in Jason’s past relationships, if he ended them or the girls did, but he’s been hurt before because of them, and then the woman he married -- who supposedly loved him enough to marry him -- up and leaves and takes his children with her. No. He’s had too many people abandon him in his life. I’m not going to do it. He stole my heart back in August when I got him to laugh and smile at me. And he’s stolen it over and over again every day since then. I dunno if I woke up remembering the end of a dream, or if this vivid thought was seriously the first thing that popped into my head this morning, but it was me and him sitting in my car in his driveway, talking about things. I took his hand and put it over my heart and told him, “This is yours. It’s been yours for a while now. It’s gonna stay yours, whenever you’re ready to trust yourself again, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” I was laying in bed and I could literally feel the pressure and warmth of a hand over my heart, even though there wasn’t one.

I’ve had so many people tell me the last couple of days that I need to just give up and move on. That he’s not worth the tears and upsets he keeps causing me. Well, now that I know why he does the things he does a bit better, hopefully I can remind myself of those things anytime my insecurities and anxieties start flaring up. His mom told me if I thought he was worth it, then to be patient with him and to get him to talk. Well, I generally do a fairly good job at getting him to talk to me. Not verbally cuz me and him both have trouble being verbal, but text wise, yeah. I can get him to open up through written words more times than not. His mom said right now what he needs (and all that he can truly offer) is a good friend who makes him laugh, flirt, and is there acting crazy and fun. Well, she already told me I’m such a good friend to him, I swore months ago -- before me and him even started texting -- that it was my goal to make him laugh every day, we definitely have the flirting thing down (somedays to an extreme......O.O oh yeah, forgot to mention, Wednesday I stayed after to help him with shipment day, me and him were alone in the freezer together, I told him to meet me down in the ice cream room cuz, well, i was gonna be inappropriate and let him cop a feel. He met me down there, hopped off his forklift, pulled his skimask down to uncover his mouth, took half a step towards me with his hands outstretched to take hold of my hips and pull me in...and yeah, I blew it! My brain was screaming for me to shut up, he was gonna pull me in for a kiss, but my mouth was already going, “Close your eyes...” I texted him once I got out to my car, asking if I seriously just missed my chance to make out with him in the ice cream room. He answered back “Yup”. The only times he’s ever kissed me have been while he’s drunk or high or both. He wasn’t either on Wednesday. I was gonna get to make out with a sober Jason, during work, and I blew it!!! ...yes yes, it’s for the best, but DAMN!!! I am STILL kicking myself for that!!!!! *HEAD DESK!*), and I’m definitely crazy and fun! I challenge him to video game battles! I recently challenged him to a snowball fight once we get snowball fight grade snowfall, and he agreed to the snowball fight! So, I mean, I’ve been doing all the things his mom says he needs and I’ve been doing them since before she said anything! 

I’m not a religious person by any means, but I have been praying, every day. Praying that Jason finds the courage to overcome his fears and take a chance with me; that his heart heals so that he’s willing to open it up to me more than he has already; praying that I’m able to have this and him; that I want to be there for him and his kids. This morning I woke up calm and sure and with a very strong sense of “No.” coursing through me. I’m not giving up on him. I’m not abandoning him. He’s my boy, he’s my guy, he’s my hero and I’m gonna fight for him. I’m gonna be the friend he needs, and I’m gonna continue to try and build his confidence back up. And maybe, hopefully, when he’s ready to try again...he’ll realize that I stuck with him through all the ups, downs, twists, turns, and loops of his emotional rollercoaster ride. I asked him once before, back in October, if he was ready for another shot at a relationship, would I even stand a chance with him? His answer was “Of course”. He’s remembered other things I told him back in October that I had forgotten I told him, so here’s hoping when the time comes, he remembers that too. 

[starboysinspace]

Klance Recs #1

Homesick at Space Camp by K0bot (PG, 54k, WIP) Summary: Lance's insistence on maintaining his rivalry with Keith is hurting his performance, and Shiro's had enough. Keith and Lance are forced to talk it out, and Lance becomes certain of one thing: He's gonna be the best friend Keith's ever had in his LIFE. Naturally, he's in for much more than he bargained for. [Fake Marriage, WIP] time out of mind by aknightley (PG, 27k) Summary: Keith and Lance wake up married. In the future. He lays there a moment, processing the faint throbbing in his head, a strange bitter taste like lemons in his mouth. When he opens his eyes, the room spins wildly into a kaleidoscope of colors, so he closes them again, breathing in and out until he feels less like he might throw up. He suddenly registers a warm weight over his waist, and lifts his head to see a brown arm thrown over him. It looks startlingly familiar, but different, bigger than he remembers, more toned. Keith turns all the way around and comes face to face with Lance sleepily blinking his own eyes open. [Time Travel, Fake Marriage] Heatwaves on Autopilot by WhatTheBodyGraspsNot (NC-17, 56k) Summary: Keith and Lance unknowingly inhale an alien aphrodisiac during a simple resource retrieval mission. But unlike the common aphrodisiac, this particular one reactivates under certain unknown conditions, later leaving them craving in situations that don't necessarily present them with many options. Keith tries to work through it, concerned with the sudden lack of control of his body, until he realizes the same thing is happening to Lance. So...great. How are they supposed to deal with this, keep it a secret, AND tend to the thousands of other responsibilities that come with defending the universe? (Together, of course.) [Heat Cycles/Sex Pollen] Today, anew by MemeKonVLD (MemeKonYA) (R, 5.9k) Summary: “Lance.” Lance’s eyebrows furrow in concern for a second before his whole face goes gentle and open. “Hey buddy, everything okay?” Keith nods. Then shakes his head, then opens his mouth to let out a noisy sob before he’s hugging the air out of Lance, grip vise tight. Lance hugs him back. That’s one of the great things about him— he doesn’t— he doesn’t need explanations for things like this. He doesn’t make Keith jump through hoops, the way other people might— he’s just— he just knows what Keith needs in times like this. No façades, no posturing. (Or: the one where Keith is trapped in a time loop. A time loop from hell.) [Time Loop, Temporary Character Death] A Commutual Contract by SKayLanphear (R, 24k, WIP) Summary: After a terrifying experience during which Lance, seemingly, dies, Keith is haunted by horrible nightmares of holding his comrade in his arms while he took his final breath. To the point where he can't sleep unless he knows for absolute certain that Lance is alive. And while the attention is surprising, Lance doesn't really have a problem with Keith checking up on him. Or the fact that Keith only seems totally comforted when he can cuddle Lance close and hear his heart beat. After all, there's nothing wrong with two bros cuddling. It doesn't MEAN anything. Or, at least, that's what Lance keeps telling himself. [Bed Sharing, WIP] How To Train Your Galra by magisterpavus (NC-17, 68k, Series) Summary: “Shiro, I fucked up,” Keith blurted, wringing his hands. Shiro paused mid-punch, shooting him a quizzical look. “What? What happened?” “I think,” Keith whispered, “I think I accidentally roofied Lance. With my dick.” [Galra!Keith, A/B/O Dynamics] Fake It Til You Make It by nikkiRA (R, 26k) Summary: “No, it’s not that –” Keith tries to backtrack. “We just – we –” he isn’t sure what he’s going to say, he just knows he has to say something before he and Lance are forced to have sex with some weird alien species, while also keeping the weird alien king happy enough to create an alliance with them. But not for the first time and not for the last, Lance pulls through. Of course, this time pulling through almost gives Keith a heart attack, because Lance slips his fingers through Keith’s so that they’re holding hands. “What Keith here means to say,” Lance says, and although his voice is steady, he is gripping Keith’s fingers so tightly it’s painful. “Is that we can’t mate with your people, although we, um, appreciate the offer, because, well. We already are. M-mated, I mean. With, you know. Each other.” [Fake Marriage] Nightmares by Trashness (PG, 14k) Summary: Lance's nightmares are getting out of control. It's effecting his and the team's performance, but he's at a loss for how to fix this. Apparently sleeping next to a warm body helps. [Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining] Accidental Bonding by Newbiemans2015 (NR, 2.9k) Summary: Whilst trapped on an alien planet Keith and Lance accidentally get married, and now how to deal with the consequences. [Accidental Marriage] All things infinite by MemeKonVLD (MemeKonYA) (R, 7k) Summary: “I didn’t know Lance was...” “Bi?” Hunk supplied. “Ready to jump anyone sentient and willing?” Pidge offered. “Yeah, let’s go with bi,” Hunk says. (Or: the one where Lance is a Bisexual Intergalactic Flirt, and Keith discovers he has feelings about this.) [Pining!Keith] like honey by manamune (NC-17, 4.3k) Summary: Keith wants to lose control. Lance has always liked helping people. [BDSM] Fireside by molsat (NC-17, 4.9k) Summary: It’s not the compliments that make Lance’s palms sweaty, his heart thunder wildly against his ribcage, and his face swell with impossible heat: it’s the way Keith has to be such a giant dick about it. [Praise Kink] Making the Most of the Night by saezutte (NC-17, 15k) Summary:  Having sex with Keith in order to secure an alliance with an alien species wasn't how Lance expected to lose his virginity, but it wasn't the worst way for it to go. (Until afterwards, of course, when it all goes wrong and Keith won't speak to him. Not that Lance has any idea why. Or why it bothers him so much.) hot singles in your area by rire (NC-17, 15k, WIP) Summary: “So she gave you a fake number?” “Yeah.” “And it turned out to be the number of a sex line?” “Yep.” “And then you decided jerking off was the best solution for your heartbreak?” “I guess you could put it that way.” “... And now you’re in love with a phone sex operator.” [College AU, WIP] Rivals-With-Benefits by lissa_molloy (NC-17, 26k, WIP) Summary: Lance and Keith have been sneaking around for a while now, not yet to the point where they can get over their rivalry but well beyond acknowledging how attracted they are to one another. A collection of vaguely-related oneshots in a fuckbuddies AU for Klance. I'll add tags as I go. [Friends/Rivals with Benefits] Blueprints by UnderTheSilentStars (R, 39k, WIP) Summary: "While soulmarks themselves were common, it was rare for someone to have anything other than the name of their other half...and Lance had a red paw print." [Soulmate AU] so why don't we fall by aknightley (NC-17, 4k) Summary: Five times Lance used a pet name for Keith, and one time Keith used one for Lance. Keith has no basis for having a relationship with someone, so he's trying to follow Lance's lead.  Down the Rabbit Hole by TheQueen (PG, 41k, WIP) Summary: It starts when he wakes up. Breathing hard and scrambling against the soft bedding and heavy comforter until he falls flat against the wood floor hard enough to take his breath away. Time travel might not be the worst thing Lance has ever dealt with. But it sure does feel like it. [Time Travel, Canon Divergence, WIP] 30 Rules to Marriage by delictor (R, 38k, WIP) Summary: Lance was only trying to argue with Keith, not marry him. And even if the marriage only really counted on the one planet, he couldn't help but let it take over his every thought slowly. Especially with him constantly thinking of the 30 rules of marriage his parents had taught him as a kid and trying to apply them to him and Keith. His logic? The 30 rules could apply to even just a friendship... Or: Lance and Keith accidentally get married and it's not actually as bad as they thought it would be. [Accidental Marriage, WIP] Diplomatic Difficulties by TemenCMoth (PG, 10k, WIP) Summary: Allura sat with her head in her hands. Coran balked. Hunk was frozen, new goo concoction slowly leveling out on the floor. Shiro looked stricken, hand in a white-knuckle grip on the back of a chair. The only sound in the room was the little clack-clack of Pidge's keyboard. The room was filled with tension thick enough to be cut with a bayard, a silence so loud none of them noticed Rover hovering behind Keith. They sure noticed when he started playing the Wedding March. [Accidental Marriage] heat of your skin by sodappend (NC-17, 2k) Summary: Keith is in heat and Lance is the last person he wants to see. So of course it's Lance that walks through his door. [A/B/O Dynamics] Skin by MemeKonVLD (MemeKonYA) (R, 3.2k) Summary: He’s aware of Lance talking to him, but he’s still too asleep to try to decipher whatever it is he’s blabbering about. He only starts paying attention when one of Lance’s hands goes to the drawstring of his pajama pants. “Whoa, what are you doing?” He asks, slapping Lance’s hand away, cheeks warm. “You,” Lance starts, pointing at him (and Keith notices that for all he’s made fun of him for the last forever for them, he’s wearing his fingerless gloves), “are not screwing up my skin care routine, man.” (AKA: the one where Keith and Lance switch bodies.) [Body Swap] I'll be your... whatever it's called by MoonStar1220 (NC-17, 3.7k) Summary: After a particularly rough and frightening fight with enemy Galra Lance decides he's had enough of Keith's behavior and vows to fix it. [Galra!Keith, A/B/O Dynamics] Alpha-nd a way to you by opalfire (NC-17, 3k) Summary: Lance honestly had no clue what was going on anymore. He had scented Keith, as though he were his mate. Lance flushed. The other alpha must think he was insane by now. “I-I’m sorry - fuck - I mean,” Lance stuttered. Keith just stared at him, the flush on his face getting redder. “I know we’re both alphas, shit I’m so-“Lance started. “We’re both what now?” Keith’s eyes widened before narrowing as he stared at Lance. “Oh my god, you don’t know.” otherwise known as Lance gets possessive and scents Keith without knowing he's an omega till he hits heat [Omegaverse, A/B/O Dynamics] Alive With the Glory of Love by lemoninagin (NC-17, 4.8k) Summary: “Hurry,” Lance urges with a gasp, clutching harder at the stands with both hands poised on them for support now, palms slick with sweat, “They’re going to find us like this if we don’t hurry, oh my God.” A deep chuckle tickles over his ear, almost rivaling the pounding of blood in them. “Let them.” [Public Sex]

[prettyflyforamercguy-blog]

‘Flashback’

Send ‘Flashback’to see one of my muse’s old memories       

“You can’t be fucking serious.”

Wade rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his shaggy hair. He knew Wease wouldn’t get it- Sandra didn’t get it, Emilie didn’t get it, why would he? “They gave me a deal,” he said, “They said they’d put me in here for like, protection or some shit. All I had to do was sign the dotted line- I mean, come on. This place is fucking great- 3 squares, I can play hoops, the classes are a fucking bore…”“But you literally signed up for 4 yaesr of indentured servitude,” Weasel argued, “Man, the fuck?!?!”

Wade picked at his nails, willing away the urge to tear something apart. 

“I get outta here and I got two people gunning for my ass,” he said through gritted teeth, “I fucked over Fatty for Rusty, and Rusty’s been workin up to killing me for years. So I’m a fucking slave or whatever. At least I’m fucking alive. You ever consider that?” He swiped his arm across the table, sending their cups of coffee flying along with Weasel’s bag of chips, jumping to his feet. “Not everything is the way you fucking want it to be, Jack,” he raged, “I had to make a fuckin’ choice, okay?”“It was a stupid fuckin choice, Wade!” he yelled right back, standing up, “Did you fucking think about what was gonna happen to me if you left, huh? What about- what about Emilie? What about your mom?” “Oh fuck them!” Wade raged, slamming his hands on the table, “Who the fuck cares! Who the fuck cared?! Huh, Jack? You fucking tell me when someone gave a shit!” “I give a shit, you fucking prick!” Weasel raged back, “I always gave a shit, you fuckin feeb, since I was fucking six and you fucking bit Rob Ferris’s arm to get him off me.”

Wade felt all the wind go out of his sails, sinking back into his seat. He giggled a little, sniffling. “17 stitches,” he said, looking up at Weasel with red rimmed eyes. Weasel sighed, sitting down again. “Yeah, you always did have a big fuckin’ mouth,” Weasel chuckled, “Seriously, dude, what the fuck am I gonna do without you?”

“You could join.”“Fuck that, man,” Weasel snickered, “I ain’t doin shit for this shithole. Frankly, they already owe me for existing. I guess I’m just gonna have to sit around and wait for you, huh?”Wade nodded. “Just pretend I’m in prison.”“It ain’t gonna be pretending, man. I know you. Every minute of it is gonna feel like prison.” “Good,” Wade replied, kicking his legs up on the table, “Cause I like prison more than I probably should.”