#doesn‘t even work in theory

[starlingstalk]

I don‘t wanna live my life actually I just want to draw. Wdym I have to do anything else but that? My body, my mind, my soul, it‘s there as a vessel for my art. Don‘t make me go work please :( I wanna be a free spirit aka sit in my bed 16 hours and draw then fall asleep then repeat. Like I‘m not even kidding. I dont wanna be a part of this economy.

[maxedes]

german terms of endearment for your fanfics

i‘ve recently stumbled across some fanfics about german drivers (mainly nico & seb if we‘re being honest) and quite a few liked to use german terms of endearment. thing is, that they mainly use words that aren‘t really used in germany & sound a little strange. like „liebchen“ which i have never heard anyone say irl & which frankly just sounds like bad german from an american n*zi movie. or „mädchen“ which just means girl & can be used as „mein mädchen“ (my girl) but does kinda sound like something your weird toxic first bf would say. so to make everyones lifes a little easier: some german pet names that actually get used with a little context:

Schatz (treasure)

probably the most commonly used term in german. everyone & their mom uses it for romantic partners. can be used in any situations. i think there are people who forget their partners name because they just call them Schatz. to make it even cuter you can say „Schatzi“ but use carefully since that could easily sound condescending. same goes for „Schätzchen“ which in theory makes it cuter but actually mainly sounds like a guy talking down on you.

mein Herz (my heart)

emphasis on the „mein“ just calling someone a heart is a strange thing to do. you can also say „Herzchen“ but same problem as „Schätzchen“

Liebling (my beloved, my dearest)

this is what everyone thinks liebchen is. from personal experience i‘d say it‘s a word more often used by older people but could work.

Engel/chen (angel)

actually alright. maybe also use „mein“ in front of it. „mein kleiner engel“ → my little angel

Baby / Babe (same as english lol)

gets used rather frequently. same implications as in english

Hase / Hasi (bunny)

not inherently romantic/sexual. a cute one.

Maus/i (mouse/little mouse)

has been vERY popularized by the kids™️ and i mean that in the sense that quite literally everyone & everything gets called „maussss“. maybe to the point where it‘s been a little overused.

Schnecke / Schnecki (snail)

or schnegge. but with that your easily in a little creepy territory. schnecki is kinda cute though. i think my mom used to call me that so it doesn‘t have to be romantic. also no, i don‘t know why you would call someone snail as a cute little nickname and no it doesn‘t have to relate to their general speed (walking, driving or thinking)

Spatz / Spätzchen / Spazl (sparrow)

i don‘t know what germans have with this bird but it is popular. the last version „spatzl“ is mainly used in southern germany. it‘s what my parents call each other so if someone tried to call me that my toenails would curl up and not in a good way.

Dicker (fatty)

not to be confused with digger/digga which comes from the word but is more used like „bro“ (yeas i know what it looks like a first glace, pinky promise thats not what it is). only fun if used endearingly.

Sonnenschein (sunshine)

for my seb girlies (gn). it‘s a pretty long word though so probably not something to call someone on a regular basis

in conclusion: most of them are still bad and maybe even a little icky. i think the real way to go would be an inside joke or just a shorter or cute version of their name. german really isn‘t the language to be romantic in, in spite of what goethe might what you to think. i literally couldn‘t think of any more so i googeled & saw some of the most disturbing pet names imaginable.

[tys-kitty]

not really a theory per se just me trying to connect stuff as i don't really think it will affect the story much... but we know now that ty's been in love with kit from the start most likely, my guess is that it was love at first sight- mutual to kit.

but ofc ty will always put his siblings above him and i genuinely believe that he thought livvy and kit were in love. not only did cc reveal that he did see the kiss they shared at the beach but also there's a point during qoaad where ty reassures kit not to worry and that they will succeed in bringing livvy back. almost like he was comforting kit?

also, there's a part where ty quotes julian, and says that people start making excuses when they don't wanna do something. and then after the ressurection mess he's angry and calls kit a liar. my guess is that he perfectly heard kit's confession but believed kit to be lying to him. which would also explain (to me atleast) how ty was able to so easily bring himself to beat kit's ass. he must have felt so frustrated and betrayed by kit's confession.

Hello, anon!

So, I‘m not quite sure if we can call KitTy‘s romance „love at first sight“. I think in the basement they were attracted to each other, yes but their feelings developed over time. However, in QOAAD I think their feelings and endearment for each other are quite obvious (to us readers at least *cries in miscommunication*).

And yes. After Livvy died, Ty‘s top priority was bringing her back. Livvy has always been his comfort person, the sibling he trusted most and the one person that would never leave his side. So I wouldn’t necessarily say that he will always put his siblings above Kit - simply because Livvy is his twin sister and he doesn‘t know a life without her. Moreover, we have to consider that Ty most likely didn‘t even understand what his feelings for Kit meant at this point (maybe he would have figured it out if Livvy hadn‘t died).

But yes, I‘m also quite certain that Ty believed Kit was actually in love with Livvy. As you already said he‘s seen their kiss and always tried to reassure Kit that this will work out.

As for the resurrection: I personally think that the whole resurrection scene was a storm of emotions. So when Ty is fighting Kit, it isn‘t necessarily because he thought that Kit lied to him. He just needed to get Livvy back. He was so focused on the ritual and on Livvy that he didn’t even truly register what Kit said (or confessed) to him.

I think at this point Ty would have fought anyone or anything who was standing between him and getting Livvy back.

Thank you so much for your ask! I love answering those (even though it took me ages, I‘m sorry)! <333

[harpygon]

All throughout reading „Beyond the door“ by Phillip K. Dick, I couldn't help but think about the Cuckoo as a metaphor for a child.

In the beginning, Larry bought the cuckoo because he thought it‘d make Doris happy, knowing of her love of cuckoo clocks. This is very easily translatable: Doris likes children, Larry gets Doris pregnant because he thinks it‘d make her happy.

It does make her happy, right up until Larry mentions that he got the clock Wholesale, later on it get‘s reiterated that it isn‘t a valuable antique. Rather than sticking with the idea of price, we should look at quality for this part of the metaphor; There are some problems with the child, he isn‘t perfect and Doris get‘s sad that her newfound bliss has to be destroyed by her partner mentioning that.

Their approach to caring for the cuckoo clock is simple as well. Doris does everything, loving, affirming and caring for the little one, while Larry is annoyed with it and only interacts when Doris fails to do so. Based on the level of care, the cuckoo (or child) develops varying amounts of affection towards each guardian and is therefore more or less willing to spend more time than strictly necessary with them and put effort into giving them joy (this in turn betters or worsens said relationships further).

A key scene in the relationship between Larry and the cuckoo is when he has to rewind the clock and is holding it‘s door shut. Doris theorizes that Larry is scared the bird will come out while he is winding it, while Larry claims that he is only doing so because that's what you‘re meant to do. Holding the door closed is equivalent to denying social, physical and emotional closeness to the child while fulfilling its base needs. Larry sees it as his role as father, but Doris thinks he is just scared of getting close to the child.

Doris is considerably proud of her cuckoo clock, so much that she wants to share it with Bob, her affair and fellow antique lover. She talks in bright terms of it, so much that Bob is left with the idea that it is an antique cuckoo, perfect.

When Larry comes home and figures out that Doris and Bob had an affair, the cuckoo child, attached to Doris, tries to make a scene, pull his father‘s attention onto him, but it doesn‘t work. In true patriarchal family father fashion, Larry kicks out his wife and keeps the child because it is his property.

After Doris leaves, the relationship between father and cuckoo keeps deteriorating. The son doesn‘t leave his room and doesn‘t fulfill any of his responsibilities, the dad only fulfills his basic needs because he misses his wife and can‘t stand the idea of a completely silent house; the ticking of the clock, the silent signs of live his son leaves behind is the only thing keeping him from going mad.

Or are they? The father gets angry over time, mad that his wife left and this stupid cuckoo is reminding him of that and isn‘t screaming and isn‘t doing as it should and he hasn‘t seen him in three weeks; since his wife left. And he gets angry, violent: he tries to kill the cuckoo with a hammer, but he fights back and kills the father in return.

Nobody thinks the cuckoo is capable of such a thing and thus it gets ruled an accident, assumed to be a suicide by some.

What makes the cuckoo child theory so interesting to me is that a child is likened to an object. Something to make the adult people glad, to fill their silences, to be useful, to be preened and gleamed over. They‘re not seen as people, even though they have emotions and form attachments, they can be given and taken, are property. Both their successes and failures are led back to their parentage or straight up dismissed.

[lollytea]

So, I‘ve been blessed with the opportunity to reread every fucked up movie post, and… does Camila know it exists and that her kids made it? And if she does, did she watch it? Because I can just imagine her handing off the cam like aw, look at them having fun and being creative :) thinking it‘s gonna be something like most „movies“ shot by kids - something that was fun to make, but doesn‘t really have anything else going for it. And meanwhile, Movie by Gus13 exists.

Camila was probably invited to the grand premiere of Gus's fucked up movie, which was just the cast, herself and Vee all huddled together on the living room couch. She was honored to attend! She thought Gus making a little movie was adorable and it was just so sweet how the other kids all particpated!

But then they pressed play and Camila. Was. Horrified.

Where the fuck do you think that grey streak in her hair came from? That was all Gus's fucked up movie's doing.

But it's like....as disturbed as she was, Camila sat through the whole thing because Gus and the others had worked so hard on it and she didn't want to hurt their feelings. But then it was over and she wanted to cry....or scream....or hurl. Or all three. But the kids all turned to her expectantly, eager to hear her thoughts and Vee was giving her a pointed look to please be nice so she just had to grit her teeth and smile like "it was...wonderful :))))))"

Camila simply never speaks of Gus's fucked up movie ever again. She doesn't rewatch it, she doesn't think about it, she represses everything about it.

She's not exactly tech savvy so I don't see her ever stumbling upon the online mystery. So she mostly remains in blissful ignorance that it's this whole thing.

At one point, there's these conspiracy theorists who have visited Gravesfield for their YouTube documentary on Gus's fucked up movie and they're interviewing random citizens about the film. Camila is stopped outside the supermarket and they start bombarding her with questions and she's mostly bewildered and has no idea what they're talking about. That is until one of them pulls out their phone and opens it up on the movie and shows it to Camila. Literally the first five seconds before anything even happens induces a visceral reaction. Camila freaks out, slapping the phone out of the kid's hand, yells "NO! NOT AGAIN!! NEVER AGAIN!!" And hurries away without further comment.

Camila's freakout is included in the YouTube video once it's posted and this only ADDS to the insane amount of theories. Some people think her reaction is really suspicious. She's a local after all so she must know something. Why was she playing dumb at first? She clearly knew exactly what the movie was. Could it be....the origins of the movie are something far more sinister than we could ever imagine....are the people of Greavesfield hiding something from us? 😱 (NOT CLICKBAIT)

[grussell63]

The smaller teams taking in rookies to get them used to F1 seems like a good idea in theory. But the truth is that unless you are a truly exceptional driver, these teams are the worst.

How do they expect drivers to improve in a shitty car with shit strategies?

Russell got stuck at Williams for years before Merc rescued him. Guanyu got lucky that this year's AR isn't too bad (but still not good and even Valtteri struggles) but who knows what'll happen next year. Yuki is doing a good enough job DESPITE the car.

It shouldn't be like this.

People like to mention Leclerc as proof that the system works, but the truth is that he was the exception, he managed to get noticed as a rookie because of his skills and because he outscored his teammate by 30 points (and he was part of the FDA so Ferrari already knew him quite well).

MV0 is a nepotism baby so he doesn't count. Toro Rosso was a shitshow anyway. AT isn't much better but at least now they let drivers go rather than chain them to the RBR "family".

Mick isn't a rookie anymore but is stuck in a shitbox and people expect him to perform well? And compare him to his much more experienced teammate?

I'm not saying rookies should get to mid or top teams right away, but I don't think it's fair to expect so much of them if they're stuck in a shitty car for years.

I hoped the budget cap would even things out but obviously it didn't (especially since RBR cheated).

i do think a year or two at the back of the field or in the midfield can do wonders for your race craft but then again, you need a team that can actually help you improve which Haas clearly is not doing

George learned a lot of things at Williams, although we all can agree he was there at least a year too long, but i truly think it helped him with adjusting to his 2022 Shitbox

Max should‘ve definitely raced more in the midfield or well maybe a year or two in f2 would‘ve stopped him from the Crashstappen nickname, but then again, he can‘t race so it doesn‘t matter

In the beginning of the year the blame was much more on Mick‘s side than it is now, he would be outperforming Kevin without a doubt if they didn‘t screw him every week, be it with a car that doesn‘t work or whatever hole they pull their strategy out. Günther knows its not just Mick and it‘s why he keeps refusing to talk to sky germany bc they would rip him a new one, the damn clown

[91percentpynch]

if the world was ending - kevaaron au pt 6

we‘re slowly getting our happy ending i think? anyways shout out to the guys who sticked around ever since part one and encouraged me to publish the parts!! hope you enjoy this one as well! stay hydrated, eat something, feel hugged (or take a finger heart if you don‘t like physical contact) and know that i love you!! also this one‘s out of aaron‘s pov!!

the song of this part is if the world was ending by julia michaels and jp saxe

check this out for part 1-5

Aaron only planned to get to his dealer that night, just wanted the voices to stop, just wanted the feeling of numbness again

What he didn‘t want was landing in the hospital, but when did anything ever work out the way he wanted?

So when he was on the way to his dealer, tears clouding his vision, he didn‘t see the stop sign. He didn‘t notice the truck. And that was how a truck landed in the passenger side of his car, Aaron losing consciousness and somehow waking up in the ER of Chicago Hospital

„We called your emergency contact, they said they would come as soon as possible honey“, a nurse told him.

What they apparently did not know was that his emergency contact was Nicky, who left him for Germany.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He got it. Nicky gave up so much for him and Andrew, never getting the love he deserved, he did his best.

Plus Nicky would probably call Andrew his way so he wasn‘t alone until he got the first possible flight to sit by his side for a few days before returning to his picture book perfect family.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He really wasn‘t. He just missed his cousin. The only constant in his life, the only good part in his family.

Having a twin brother is pretty nice as well - in theory as well. Until said twin brother refuses to talk to you. Until said twin brother chooses his stupid boyfriend over you. Until you realize said twin brother doesn‘t care about you.

But Aaron couldn‘t blame him. He wasn‘t interesting enough for anyone to care about.

Aaron slipped in and out of consciousness

„I can‘t get morphime, I‘m an addict“, he said in one of his moments of consciousness. Not that he would particulary mind getting morphime, he wanted to get high after all, but Kevin‘s stupid little voice wouldn‘t let him go. „Why do you only call me when you‘re high Aaron?“, Kevin‘s face when he came to see him earlier, the day they decided to go to rehab together as friends and it ended up as them falling in love

„That‘s alright honey, we got you“, the nurse replied.

The next time Aaron woke up after that was in a white room, alone in an uncomfortable bed. Alone with his thoughts because Nicky wouldn‘t be here for at least another day. His brother was somewhere with Josten. The only person he really wanted to see refused to talk to him. Which is understandable to be fair.

Taylor, fuck he needed to tell her where he was.

Aaron was just about to look for his phone when someone kicked his door open, hurriedly crossing the room to be close to him.

Slowly Aaron raised his eyes, looking who it was. Kevin fucking Day was in his fucking room.

„You fucking idiot, what have you done?“, Kevin was close to tears, for whatever reason. Obviously not for Aaron, right?

„I don‘t need your fucking pity“, Aaron replied, shutting himself down, it was safer that way.

„Did you tell them you can‘t have morphine? Because you might relapse, i mean you already did but we don‘t want it to get worse. And this is not pity, this is Nicky yelling at me in Spanish cause you‘re in the hospital and he‘s in Germany and I‘m the closest to you and he does not want his son to be alone“, Day ever so unimpressed by Aaron‘s walls replied.

Nicky worrying about Aaron that much made the blonde feel warm inside, important, loved.

Nonetheless Aaron couldn‘t stop thinking about the person that didn‘t care to show up.

„Andrew didn‘t care to come, did he?“, Aaron‘s voice was barely audible as he hid his face in his pillow, in case those traitous tears made their way down his cheeks.

„Andrw does care about you, he‘s just shit at showing it, that fucking asshole“, Kevin replied in a soft voice, Irish accent slightly audible, the voice he used when he‘s about to be emotional or scared or mad or overall feeling strongly. „C‘mon what have you done Minyard?“

Was that worry in his voice? Could it be that he actually cared? No, no that couldn‘t be. Not when refused to talk to him.

„Car accident, not that its any of your fucking business“, Aaron replied, trying his hardest to sound as if he didn‘t care that Kevin was there with him, trying to push Kevin away, to protect his heart from another rejection.

„How are you?“, Kevin said, his Irish accent becoming a little stronger, voice thick with worry. Worry? Why would he worry about Aaron?

„Fucking great, I should let a truck drive into me more often. Very freeing. Very calming“, Aaron answered sarcastically, looking anywhere but Kevin‘s smaragd green eyes, maybe even the green of the lake they used to go in rehab, in the fluroscent light of the hospital.

„A truck. Drove into you?“, the Irish accent was now so strong Aaron could barely make out the words.

Aaron couldn‘t take it anymore, he turned around. Maybe Kevin would take the hint that he wasn‘t able to be close to him, not without being hurt, not without feeling empty. „Not that you would care“, he said, voice barely more than a breath against the pillow.

„Aaron first of all I can see you naked ass and not that I wouldn‘t mind the view and I‘ve seen it often enough but the nurses don‘t have to see that too. And secondly of course I care. I always did. Always will“

Something about Kevin mentioning Aaron‘s naked ass made the blonde boy blush as he turned back towards Kevin. Aaron didn‘t even notice that those strangers undressed him. That made him feel slightly uncomfortable.

„Why wouldn‘t you listen to me if you care so much? You‘re exactly like like Andrew, you guys only ever care when I‘m about to die or do something that doesn‘t sit right with you. Never about me as a person. The conecept about me maybe, but me? Me as a person? No one cares about that“, Aaron replied to the earlier statement, because he wanted to hurt Kevin, wanted the other boy to leave him just like the rest, just like he deserved. Aaron didn‘t need empty promises and lies - God know he had enough of those in his miserable life. Aaron didn‘t need pity or words of comfort or kindness. Aaron didn‘t need Kevin Day. Unless he did.

„You are Aaron Minyard. Born on the 4th of November, 8:31:45 am. You grew up in California in the house next to Nicky. Nicky and you were always close and you didn‘t have many friends because of your mom. Your mom might have abused her and I might hate her for that but you still love her and I get that because on some fucked up level I still care about Riko. You are allergic to cats, peanuts and house dust. You have a freckle right on your right hip, under your navel, from under your left eye over to the nose to the corner of your right eye. You like it when you are hold when you can‘t sleep but you hate showing affection in public. You were 13 when you started exy, because it gave you an escape, but you had to stop because the bruises from your mother‘s beating got to obvious. So you started getting into medicine. You borrowed every single book on medicine you could find and read it at night, always hidden from your mom. You had to have straight As or the beatings would be worse. Your mom did go out to have ice cream with you when it was especially bad. That‘s why you hate ice cream so much, especially vanillia because it was her favourite. Your secret hobby is skating. You feel free when you do it. You want to live at the coast, but not close to Cali, never back to Cali. You want Andrew to notice you and you hate how easily he let Neil in because obviously deserve it more and I get that. You tried drugs to escape, to see what was the appeal. Your uncle never helped you but he brainwashed you into believing he did. You grew up very religous and in an extraordinary homophobic household, you watched your cousin and only friend getting shipped away because he was different, not right, so you confinced yourself you were different. Heterosexual. When in reality you knew since you were 15 that you preferred guys. You liked girls as well. At least you thought but it‘s so much more complicated. Actually it isn‘t. You‘re asexual, you do however like the feeling of sex. You think the process is disgusting, but you still like the feeling. It has to be the right person though. It doesn‘t matter wether it‘s a boy or a girl or something else entierly, all that matters are the feelings the person makes you feel. It took you years to accept that you are not wrong, that you wouldn‘t have to go away like Nicky. You apologized to Nicky. You thought you had to be against their relationships, because that‘s what they made you believe. Old habits die hard. But you got over it and I am very proud of you. You sleep with a teddybear or with another person that cuddles you because the thought of being alone scares the living crap out of you. Your favourite flowers are sunflowers because yellow is a happy color. You hate sweets, you prefer salty snacks. You prefer coffee black, like your sould. You use sarcasm and humor as your coping mechanism. You stole my history books because you love history as well. You also love art but you don‘t think you are good enought to become an artist. You would love to work at Jean‘s studio but you are afraid to ask. You and Jean used to be friends but you cut him off and isolated yourself because your anxities and insecurities took over you again. Sometimes you have depressive episodes, in these you crave drugs more than normally. You want to stop it, you really do but somehow your brain tries to tell you you need it. You would love to have five dogs. An Irish Red Setter, an Irish Wolfhound, a poodle a big one though, a labrador and a golden retriever. You also want to adopt at least two kids. You don‘t want any child to go through what you had to go through or Andrew. So don‘t you dare tell me I never cared for you. Because I do. I listen when you tell me things. I remember every single time you came to me, black out drunk, crying and telling me you‘re worthless. Because every single time I wanted to tell you you aren‘t. You are a wonderful human being and I don‘t understand why I wasn‘t enough for you to stay but I will not let you tell me I never cared about you. Because that‘s some fucking bullshit“

Whatever Aaron expected to happen it certainly wasn‘t that. No one ever payed attention to him. No one ever listened to what he had to say. No one ever showed him that they cared about him. No one ever payed enough attention to him to see that he was worth their attention.

„You really did listen“, Aaron said, quietly, not able to put his feelings into words.

Aaron Minyared was never good with words. Causing pain with them? Yes. Sarcastic comments? Sure. But declearations of love? Or a simple thank you? Or really anything that would fit this situation? No, Aaron couldn‘t do that.

„Why wasn‘t I enough for you?“, the voice with tears, words hidden behind the strong Irish accent, was what made Aaron look up. Looking up into eyes the color of the lake they used to go to in their summer spend in the rehab clinic, tears falling down his beautiful cheeks, uncontrollable and messy.

„You? Not enough?“, Aaron whispered, eyes locked with the taller boy, „I was not enough. I was never enough. Not for my mother. Not for Katelyn. And certainly not for the Queen of Exy. I was never a good enough player, I was never a good enough student, I was never a good enough person. You deserve the best. Someone that loves Exy the way you do, someone as passionate and beautiful and strong as you. Not a burden. Not a no one like me. You deserve the sun, things that are bright and warm and beautiful. Not some broken, poor trailer trash. Not some drug addicted wannabe doctor. Some who can give you the love you need. Not someone struggeling to accept themselves. Not someon who can‘t even look at themselves accepting that they fell heads over heels in love with a man, struggeling to accept that, thinking someone will come and beat the shit out of them because it‘s the only thing you know. I don‘t understand the yearning, I don‘t understand the wanting, I don‘t understand the pain your absence causes me. Because I was never loved. Not properly. I mean sure I know Nicky loves me, but that‘s different. You deserves someone who‘s not too fucked up to be able to show love, not someone so fucked up they don‘t even understand the concept of love. You deserve somoene who can give you things. I can‘t offer you anything. Nothing. Nothing but a heart screaming your name. Nothing but a mind you reign. And I am so fucking sorry I ever left you without saying goodbye. I am so fucking sorry for being a coward. It was never because I stopped loving you. In the contrast. It was because there was not a single day where I thought I was good enough for you. There was not a single day the little voice in my head would shut up about how you are way to fucking good for me. You deserve so much more than I can offer you. So much more“, Aaron‘s voice broke at the last more.

„This was never your choice to make. I am a grown up fucked up man, I can decide who I can and will love very good on my own and I know you never wanted to hear it. But I chose you. I‘ve been falling in love with you ever since I met you. Started with a cute little crush. Ended up here“, Kevin said coming closer and closer to Aaron. „You talk about being so fucked up, well guess what? So am I. I am sick and tired of being seen as the Queen of Exy, of being reduced to Exy and my past alcohol problem. It‘s like I am nothing but the stick in my hand. I am nothing but the sport my mother invented. I am not even a human being anymore. At least that was what I was told. Until I met you. You and your stupid sarcatic remarks. The thougt of you seeing me was enough for me to keep trying to impress you somehow, make you see something worth keeping. But it was never enough. It would never be enough for someone to stay“

„Kevin Day. Born on the 22nd February 1986. Excuse me I don‘t know the exact time but about 7:15 pm. Your favourite color is red, not the Ravens red, the deep dark red of the Trojans because you associate it with Jeremy Knox and he was some kind of fucking sun in the nest. You had something with Jean in the nest. Riko that absolute fucking asshole somehow found out and tried to force you to do terrible things to Jean. But you couldn‘t do it. Not because you are weak like you like to think, no because you are kind and have heart of gold. I can‘t believe I just said that I want to vomit. Eww. Anyways you have massive self-esteem issues because you either think you‘re a walking failure or you have a god complex and there is no fucking in between and I love that about you. You have a constellation of freckles on your back and a little tattoo on your left hip. It‘s a little sun and a little moon on the right. Because you love the sun because it‘s bright and warm and you like that. The moon is far away, it‘s cold and lonely. The sun is your mother. You are the moon. Over your heart you have your mother‘s signature tatooted. Because she watches over you and unlike mine you actually can associate nice things with her. You want to move to Ireland once you retire. Because you want to be closer to your mom. You have your whole ass wedding planned already, because you love planning events like that. It‘s like your fucking secret superpower. You think cows are adorable and you want to pet one so badly. You are scared of chickens and swans and ducks. You are lactose intolerant and you have sport indicated asthma. You don‘t like when other people touch your arms and your back. You like forhead kisses. You like holding hands. You like showing affection, but not in public because you‘re scared what people think of you. You pretend to be arrogant and an asshole but it‘s all just walls around yourself to protect you. Secretly you just want someone to see right through it. Unlike me you do actually paint and you love photography. I know you rented a secret little atelier. Your favourite historical period is the 20th centuriy and you are oddly obsessed with eastern european and Irish history. You love horses. You love cows. You want to do horse riding once. You try so very hard to be more than just Exy. Hyperfixations are your coping mechanism. And spontaniously buying like 10 books. You love reading. You love tea. Your favourite genere is in fact not historical fiction but fantasy fiction based on history. You love rambling about random historical facts and I loved listening to it. You love soft kisses more than the hungry ones. You hate that people want you for your body, not your personality. You hate being sexualized. You hate being an object. You hate your title. But at the same time you love it. You just want to make your mother proud. And your dad. Right now you‘re wearing your mother‘s ring around your neck. Wymack found it somewhere and gave it to you. You haven‘t put it down ever since. You want to paint your nails because you think it looks pretty but you worry too much what people would think about you. You listen to classical music. You play the violin and the piano. You learned it at Palmetto somehow. You learned it because your mother used to play the fiddle, said it made her think of Ireland somehow, and when you were sad she played you some Irish lullabies on it. You love the Irish culture. You love Ireland. And your biggest dream is to get married on one of Ireland‘s cliffs. Because the ocean calms you down. Helps your anxiety. In summer your face is covered in freckles and not only your face. Oddly. You actually love swimming. Or sitting at the water. Looking at it. You collect books. You collect stones. You collect whatever you think is beautiful. You also like collecting shells. You hate to label yourself but you always preferred boys. There are days where you feel more feminie, days where you feel more masculine and days where you feel like neither. Today is a masculine day I see. Jeremy made you braclets when you

told him you were like him. You feel terrible about leaving Jean back but you also know that it was necessary. You are strong and beautiful and I know you canno see that and I know you don‘t want to hear that. You are more than your body. You are so much more. And the only reason I was stupid enough to leave you was because I thought I was not good enough. And an unhealthy amount of internalized homophobia. I just hear my mother‘s voice inside my head when I hold your hand or kiss you and I hate that. The moment I had to sleep without you the voices grew louder and it didn‘t even take a week before I had to find a dealer. I called you when I was high because the voides were silent. I called you when I was high because admitting that I missed you and that I need you was easier than. The two to four hours I slept were filled with you. In my dreams you were with me. You kissed me. You held me in these ridicously strong hands. You were with me and the world was okay. And when I woke up and you weren‘t here I just didn‘t want to get up. My grades got worse because I wasn‘t able to concentrate without you. Yes I am able to funciton without you, it was just nice to have something good in my life once. And yes I will be able to keep it up without you. A B or C here and there won‘t hurt too much. I will probably be able to become the neurologist I want to be. I will get through life. It will just not be the same. It will just be grey and black and white. With you I had colors“

„That was hard for you to say right?“, Kevin asked, tears still silently running down his cheeks.

Aaron nooded, watching as Kevin‘s face came closer and closer until he could feel his breath against his cheeks.

He was about to ask someone as a loud knock was on the door and the door was opened rather aggressivly, making Kevin get away quickly.

[karlakattz]

I have updated the personal trainer AU.

“It‘s just… It‘s all such a mess and I hate a mess. I don‘t know what to do… I mean, I tried! I really did. But how can you keep a distance from someone who you are seeing six days a week?“ Robert rakes his hands through his hair.

Seriously, you can‘t. That‘s the answer.

Especially since the person who you want to distance from doesn‘t know you want to distance. So of course Aaron kisses him after training, blows him after training, fucks him after training.

And sure, Robert could say ‘no’. In theory.

In theory he should say ‘no’.

He knows it‘s not good to still fucking with Aaron Dingle, not since he discovered his stupid feelings. It’s messing with his head - and, what’s even worse, with his heart.

But then Aaron kisses him and grabs him, presses his body against him and makes a deep noise in the back of his throat and Robert is gone. All the brakes in his head loosen, all the reasoning goes out of the window just like that.

“I want to go back to how uncomplicated things were in the beginning! That was perfect! Just...you know, a fruitful arrangement. And now it’s all complicated and if there’s one thing I definitely don’t need added to my life, it’s 'complicated’! I wish I just knew how to stop feeling… all this...so...so…,“ Robert flails his hands and lets out an exasperated breath.

“In love?” Jimmy offers and slurps his coffee.

Yup, Robert Sugden reached a stage where he confides in Jimmy King.

Fuck my life.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25816855/chapters/70711428

[fcbayern]

let me tell y‘all about my dad — Klausmeister 🥰

this man has been a bayern fan since the 70s, when he was around 11 years old and germany won their second world cup. he fell in love with gerd müller and hasn‘t stopped loving fc bayern münchen since. he works his ass off and loves work, but his pay doesn‘t allow splurges like this one, just buying a new jersey for over 100€ for himself. he would rather spend his money on family and to fix up appliances to help himself around the house (he loves to build stuff and is a handyman). so i gifted him this.

this man is what any father should aspire to be. he loves me unconditionally and without limit. through everything, he‘s always been my biggest fan and support, he always has a way out, he always knows how to help me help myself. he taught me how to fix things around the house, he loves to cook, he‘s such a fun person and he is never afraid to seek confrontation and stand his ground. when he needed help, he got it and was not ashamed or afraid to share that with anyone. he‘s the light of my life and there‘s no man in the world who stands a chance against him. he‘s my best friend and my hero. and he deserves this jersey because his love for the club has lasted over almost 5 decades at this point.

when i was 4 or 5 he would sit me down on the kitchen table in front of him on sundays after breakfast, and he‘d ask me fun little questions to jog my memory. pythagorean theorem, einstein‘s theory of relativity (we share a birthday), and he‘d ask me to spell out words. but on top of that he would go through the entire roster of Bayern München‘s team back in 98/99. he‘d yell out their first names and i, with my hands up high, would yell their second names. „jürgeeeen“ - „klinsmaaaann!“ those were our sundays at home. it‘s what‘s made us so close.

the fact that i get to live in munich now is special, because that place is home to the football team that - apart from my time playing basketball for 18 years - has brought us closer than anything. we have been on the phone for entire matches, watching them together. even when Bayern don‘t win, it‘s something that we did TOGETHER, which will always be worth so much more than any win and any trophy. we don‘t get upset. we‘re happy we were able to share those precious hours together, even when we‘re 500 miles apart.

i love my dad. you would love him, too. he‘s my best friend and i adore him with my entire heart. i know he has his faults, as do i, but regardless he is still the best person i have in my life. i‘d give everything to see him happy. and i am so blessed that i get to share this love for bayern münchen with him.

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Get ready for a round of complaining below the cut. You don‘t have to read, i just need to get rid of some stuff. (tw: depression, insecurities, anxiety, self-pity,...)

Remember how excited i was about getting that nomination for a semester abroad? Yeah. So. Not only is it really expensive to go. That is okay, i can deal with that. BUT. The government of the country i was going to go to has not yet decided whether or not they allow teachings in classrooms. If they don‘t: Online-classes. Which sucks for two reasons: it‘s a practical school, not so much theory as working on sets and with equipment and all. Which you can‘t do online! And of course i would not be allowed to enter the country, because if all the classes take place online, i can do it from home, no reason to travel this far, right? So i thought, hey, maybe i can be so bold and ask my professor if i can go next year. Answer: yes, BUT we don‘t know yet if the partnership with the other uni continues, so it might not work.

And i‘m here like: nobody can give me any secure information. It‘s not the unis‘ fault, i know that, it‘s governments and politics that cause all this trouble.

I know i could be off worse. Someone in my family could have died, i could have died, but why, why is it always that as soon as something seems to work for me, it is ruined? I got onto my dream university? Get depression. Found some real friends? Gotta move far away. Get mentally better? Anxiety and insecurities return, or i get ill with some flu like thing that causes and increases depression. I get into an exchange program? Difficult to travel there. I make friends and my mental health increases? Lockdown, can‘t see anyone. Figure out the travelling? Might not even be allowed to enter the country, not to mention classes might not take place. Find a way to avoid that? Nope, might not work either.

And not to mention that due to health problems i now need insoles and the only kind of shoes they fit in (due to me needing really weird ones, because i have weird feet) are grandma shoes (no offence, these a beautiful shoes. For a woman over 60. Not a 20something punk.) And people say: but you already got these shoes. Just because i let my mum choose these shoes because i couldn‘t make decisions because depression, doesn‘t mean i want to wear them. I want other shoes, but nope, insoles are not playing along.

And since we‘re already taking about this: I‘ve had acne since i‘m 12. For 12 years i‘ve been told „It‘ll get better soon.“ And it didn‘t. Now doctors treat my like a toddler because i finally want things to change. I don‘t want to run around with painful, red marks in my face for the rest of my life. But i‘m grown up now, so i need to be above this. But my teenage sister had a breakdown and got taken seriously.

What the fuck is wrong with me and this universe that everything i work for gets taken away from me? When Frank Iero wrote „So many stars in the sky and I don't know why They always have to fall on me, Maybe I'm blind to all of the signs That the world never wanted me“ i knew why i connected to these lines.

[liketobelouu]

my first thoughts about miracle queen ✨

(disclaimer: i only watched the finale episode in ukrainian since there is not a english dub / sub out yet)

• actually the episode started good, we jumped right into the storyline without having annoying flashbacks that take a lot of time. i was really happy about it.

• the whole hiding in the water thing was pretty genius lol i don‘t know why i didn‘t came up with it earlier

• JESUS THE SCENE WHERE CHAT NOIR COMFORTED LADYBUG AND SHE HUGGED HIM JESUS THAT WAS SO CUTE MY HEART 💕❤️💘💖💗🧡💞💞💕💛💘💖💗💚💞💞💕💘💖💙💓💞💖💚💓🧡🧡💞💙💚💛💘❤️❤️💘💘❤️💙💙💓💙💓💖💗💙🧡💓💝

• I WAS RIGHT WITH MY THEORY YEEEY dragonbug in action was super cool, but her screentime was along snake noirs super short as well

• the battle wasn‘t really exciting to me at all. i mean it was such a amazing idea but i missed the tension somehow. maybe it’s just me but in the moment chat got the snake miraculous it was obvious the would win without having a single problem.

• when chat noirs miraculous was going to run off i got super excited because i KINDA hoped for the reveal but uhm i guess i was a clown

• the whole master fu thing was kinda heartbreaking with him losing his memory and stuff :(( it wasn’t really that emotional actually for me but at least he’s now with the love of his life, which was pretty much my highlight of the episode besides the ladynoir scene

• i HATE how they destroyed chloes whole character development. she was such a interesting character but they decided to put her in the trash. i mean she was REALLY acting like a bitch without a reason. it’s probably one the things i’m most dissapointed about.

• i‘m kinda confused ??? why did adrien regret kagami in the first scene but acted like a couple in the last ??? (another reason why i DEFINITELY need the english version) but although i was a little dissapointed marinette x luka and kagami x adrien looked REALLY cute at the end 💕 (edit: yo he actually said that he’s just not ready so forget about it aHHHHh i still kinda hoped he has at least some feelings for marinette but nope :/)

• everyone’s miraculous got exposed in front of hawkmoth except ladybug‘s and chat noir‘s. sO tHeY alL nEveR gOINg tO uSe iT aGaIn!!! another thing that probably won‘t seem logical at all next season, but sigh okay.

in conclusion: the episode was okay. i‘m not trying to be mean since there are a lot of people working on this show but it’s just my honest opinion. probably i don‘t even have the right to complain, since i only watched the episode without understanding a word but what was going on was still pretty clear to me. and to be honest, nothing really surprised me. there wasn‘t the one big twist in the storyline i was hoping for. yeah marinette is now the guardian of the miraculous but i fear that there are no big changes in the next season. probably marinette just goes to her home when she wants to give somebody a miraculous instead of going to master fu and that’s it :/ i know it doesn‘t have to happen like this but i kinda got this feeling. i hope the whole love thing between the main characters gets different next season, if everyone is still acting like they never left season 3 i‘m done T-T

!! i don‘t wanna say that i didn‘t enjoy the episode at all uwu probably i just had to high expectations. that’s it. please tell me if i got something wrong. i also don‘t want to ruin the episode for other people. if you enjoyed it that‘s totally fine. everyone has a different opinion. !!

(i‘m also really sorry if there are a lot of mistakes in this text but i‘m german and english is just my second language uwu)

[artemis-maia]

Hey, everything is fine thank you :). Most of the information comes from the IS World Club book. Jun still lived with Junko after Kashihara's death for a while. Junko however couldn‘t cope with aging and her career possibly ending and then had several younger boyfriends, thus Jun was constantly alone at home. 

At school, some kids bullied him (due to his pretty and feminine looks), and Jun would punish them with his Persona injuring them. 

He mentions that he changed schools several times due to events like this. Thus he ended up at Kasugayama High a couple of months before IS starts, however even the students of Kasugayama who mostly are juvenile delinquents were a bit scared of him first.

Jun often skips classes at Kasugayama. The "new transfer student“ who hardly shows up in classes is him. 

He also doesn’t show up at home anymore (Junko doesn’t notice this) and for example goes to Kismet with the In Lak’ech for example or starts sending postcards to radio shows. The Joker costume is actually summoned like a Persona thus he doesn‘t need to take care of the costume. 

As for Nyarlathotep he had the way absolutely free to brainwash Jun for quiet a while since Jun created the ideal Kashihara version when as a kid he denied the real Kashihara and said that he was his uncle. Thus when the real Kashihara died the ideal version was able to quickly substitute him.

Jun’s profile in the Innocent Sin World Book reveals much of this. Also it mentions some aspects of Junko’s influence on him.

One of Jun’s talents is playing the piano since his mother taught him and he still practices it since he thinks she might like it.

Next to chocolate his favorite food is omelets (since his mother used to make omelets).

He hates cup ramen since that was what he often had to eat as a kid once Junko started to neglect him.

Junko of course once she started to become a Masked Circle member wished for youthful looks again. Both her and Jun didn‘t realize who the other was.

She only realized at Caracol that Joker was Jun once Jun started to talk about Kashihara‘s theories, then she sacrificed herself to save him. 

Jun only started to realize that Queen Aquarius was his mother when Nyarly showed him before the Great Father fight.

I think that the parallel between Jun and Maki is also great.

A mother who is preoccupied with her occupation (Setsuko with her work and Junko is obsessed with youth since she fears that her career is ending).

Both Maki and Jun think that their mothers don‘t like them however Setsuko is actually looking for Maki and Junko does end up sacrificing her own life for Jun.

Both Maki and Jun lack their father figures but Aki who is Maki‘s id tries to find a replacement father figure in Kandori who is controlled by Nyarly while Jun‘s lack of a father figure is filled with the ideal version of Kashihara who is Nyarly.

[quijotine]

ML S2 timeline theories

Yeah yeah I know we don’t have a canon timeline for S2 BUT hear me out. i also really don’t want to work on my thesis right now

So, I was rewatching Glaciator and I‘m not sure if anyone’s brought it up yet, but if we assume that it happened before Troublemaker, there’s some critical clues Adrien has already:

He knows Ladybug has feelings for someone and sees Chat as a friend

He knows Marinette has feelings for someone

In Troublemaker, he realizes that Marinette’s someone is him and allegedly gets a glimpse of Ladybug with half a mask. He sees enough to suspect of Marinette and change his behavior towards her. 

Conclusion from Adrien’s P.O.V. : If Marinette likes Adrien, and Marinette probably is Ladybug, then Ladybug likes me. She just doesn‘t like Chat romantically.

Ergo, it makes sense he might start trying to be closer friends with her. Someone mentioned that it would make sense Despair Bear would come after in the timeline, for example, and I agree. Not only because of the way Adrien acts towards Marinette, but because of the focus on Chlóe’s arc. We have 6 episodes left in the season and 2 new superheroes to go (althouh I’m not sure about Carapace, this is just me guessing). And I’m preeeety sure, it would make sense, to leave Chlóe’s arc towards the end. Especially because we’ve seen that there is a connection between Chlóe’s and Adrien’s moms and we will get to meet Chlóe’s.

Judging by the change in Adrien’s behavior towards Marinette in Troublemaker, and also the fact that there are several episodes where Chat is quite annoyed at the fact Ladybug hides things from him you could take it as a point of reference (although it could also be a one-time only thing). Say for example, that episodes like Despair Bear, Zombizou, Style Queen and Queen Wasp are situated somewhere at the end of the season, while Collector and the “filler-y” episodes like Gigatitan, Robustus, and Captain Hardrock go towards the start. I also have a hunch that the episodes where Chat is upset/ has a pretty pasive role (Sapotis, Syren) lead to Chat being able to give someone a miraculous. Though don’t quote me on this one, because it might be that Adrien gives the miraculous to Chlóe not Nino. It might not even be him at all. Either way, I still think it’s around those episodes, where Carapace makes his first apparition if he is to appear at all. And after that “set” of episodes, you get the ones focused on the relationship between the love square.

This has been a psa.

[ecofinisher]

¡Vamos a España! - Chap 28

Chapter 28

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442912/chapters/75529148

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13819897/28/Vamos-a-Espa%C3%B1a

https://www.wattpad.com/1054057300-%C2%A1vamos-a-espa%C3%B1a-chapter-28

In the afternoon Gerda sat inside the ship playing dominoes with Orm on top of a box while sitting around it with crossed legs for comfort.

„You‘re going out tonight?“ Orm asked making Gerda shrug her shoulders.

„I haven‘t decided yet,“ Responded Gerda. „I‘m waiting for Rollan to come back from the academy. We don‘t really need to go out anywhere, Simply spending the time together would do it well for us or just talk. Tomorrow if Alfida and Kai are interested, we‘re all going to the beach…...are you by coincidence interested in coming along? If you do, we may have to go at night, when almost no one is around,“

„It‘s alright. I‘ve seen everywhere beaches, it‘s fine if I skip this,“ Responded the troll.

„You‘re sure?“ The blonde asked earning a nod from the friend. „Alright,“

„You‘re still planning to take the triplets back home this weekend, right?“

„The best moment for me is to go out at night to make sure no one spots us. Also, someone of you needs to show me, where they are or how we should go there,“

„When Rollan is back, I ask him how we should do it,“ Gerda mentioned. „I believe the triplets want as well to tell him and his mother goodbye,“

„Good, then we depart on Monday?“ Orm asked making Gerda shrug her shoulders.

„Alfida hasn‘t said anything yet,“ Gerda commented, then they heard someone whistle and they looked at the entrance of the airship to see Alfida step in with a book in her hand, afterward helped her boyfriend Kai up on the boat.

„We‘ve found a replica of that book Orm threw off the ship!“ Alfida announced making Gerda smile and take the book.

„What you really bought me one?“ Gerda asked. „Thank you,“ Gerda responded putting his arms around the friend.

„Well, I wouldn‘t say I‘ve bought it too 100%. More like we borrowed it,“ Alfida commented showing the girl a sheet, which showed the day they had to return the book. „But technically we will leave the next few days so we can just keep it forever,“

„Oh well, then I make sure I finish this book before we leave, so I can give it back,“

„I knew you would say that,“ Alfida chuckled, then sat down on the ground next to Orm. „By the way how was your night yesterday with Rollan? I didn‘t pay attention to when you arrived here,“

„It was sweet to be spending time with him. Just the two of us alone on the beach strolling around, listening to the sea. It couldn‘t have been better,“

„That‘s sweet,“ Alfida commented, then Kai came along with his painting easel and placed it on the middle of the ship, then looked over the town. „You‘re going to paint the town?“

„I haven‘t painted in a while. It would be a good thing to do now,“ Kai announced. „Any special wishes?“

„A painting of the beach would actually be cooler and different“ Suggested Alfida. „Like not many people have seen a beach and it would be worth a lot,“

„That‘s actually a good idea. That king there would give you a lot of money if you did that,“ Orm suggested.

„It‘s worth a try,“ Kai responded closing the easel again. „Is someone tagging along with me?“

„If you‘re okay with waiting five more minutes, I come along,“ Alfida said making her way into the cabin, then Gerda looked at the town squinting her eyes to look at the church with the tower showing the time, then smiled.

„I will leave as well in a few minutes, I‘m just finishing the match here with Orm,“ Gerda pointed out making her brother nod.

„Where shall we all met later on?“ Questioned the younger brother.

„Maybe to dinner time,“ Suggested Gerda. „Don‘t worry, I‘ll say anything,“

„Okay,“ Kai responded walking towards the cabin to wait for his girlfriend to come out.

About a quarter-hour later Gerda arrived at Rollan‘s mother‘s house, then as she stepped on the stairs she heard someone whistle and she looked back to see Rollan coming along on the carriage with his friends.

„Hey,“ Gerda greeted, then watched Rollan jump down off the cart to meet the girlfriend, by holding his arms open to her and she got onto them. „How was your day?“

„Could have been worse,“ Rollan responded, then Pastor jumped down off the carriage followed by Marina. „Enrico has noticed right in the morning his book was missing,“

„That‘s your girlfriend?“ Pastor asked approaching the couple along with Marina.

„Uh…...What are you doing here?“ Rollan asked surprised.

„After what happened I thought it would be a good thing to have two witnesses here with you,“ Explained Pastor making Gerda raise her eyebrows curious.

„Did something happen to you?“ Gerda asked watching Rollan take down his back and shrug his shoulders.

„Enrico and I almost got into a fight due to the missing book,“ Rollan responded.

„That‘s all my fault Rollan. We should have made another plan to get rid of it,“ Gerda stated, then Rollan shook his head.

„No, it‘s not your fault. I rather have had this happen, than him showing Roberto that book,“ Rollan explained earning a nod from his girlfriend.

„What‘s so special about that book?“ Questioned Pastor. „Is it so good it destroys someone‘s life or what?“

„It could,“ Rollan spoke quietly, then looked at Gerda which nodded and Rollan sank his head down.

„They‘re your friends. Let them at least know what‘s it all about,“ Gerda suggested and Rollan grabbed Gerda‘s hand tight holding it close to his body.

„I don‘t want to be saying all this alone,“ Rollan commented making Gerda nod.

„I help you out, if you want,“ Gerda offered making the boyfriend nod, then both sat down on the stairs and exchanged looks to see, who would start first.

„I had this one book about legends and one of those pages talked about the wishing stones, which would grant the persons, who touched it some sort of superpowers. I went to the Scandinavian peninsula and made my way through the trolltunga to look for the troll kingdom, where this tomb was located with the wishing stone. Gerda…...“

„He met me at a friend of mine‘s house and he told me about the stone and I convinced myself to go along with him there, mainly to bring back my parents. When we found the stone we used it and instead of it giving us what we wanted we got cursed with the powers that once belonged to the fire-demon and the snow queen,“

„The worst part was I was an idiot. I wanted to obtain superpowers with her help by using her, but with the time I was together with her looking I felt bad about the lie, but as nothing had happened so far I kept it a secret and I don‘t remember, what happened afterward. The only thing I know, is that I was terrible towards her and anyone else.“

„What happened?“ Marina asked curious. „I kind of got lost,“

„After we awakened the demons we were cursed and we had 24 hours until the curse would take over us and we would become slaves of them. The worst part was, that Rollan…….I don‘t know what happened to him, he…….the fire-demon had somehow got Rollan on his side and he left me back in the middle of the lava in the tomb to go out destroy the kingdom and hurt everyone there,“

„Kill you mean,“ Rollan corrected quiet at listening to the story. „I almost committed genocide without even knowing I was doing that. I can‘t even imagine I was capable of doing so,“

„There must be a better explanation to that. I‘m certain, that the fire-demon somehow is able to brainwash you to have done that. Why else would you not have any memory from what happened?“

„I don‘t know, didn‘t Orm tell me you found me in the middle of the lava unconscious?“ Questioned Rollan.

„Maybe your memory got erased during the time the fire-demon was in your body or you had gotten it from the time you had passed out for the amount of time you were there at the lava. There are many theories, that could be right,“

„It could even be my fault and I just don‘t remember anything about it. What if I made a pact with the devil?“

„Rollan don‘t be stupid. I know this isn‘t true, even if it was, just leave it behind. You‘re doing better now,“ Gerda assured the raven-haired boy, which shrugged his shoulders, then the girlfriend patted him on the shoulder.

„And what has that have to do with the book now?“ Pastor asked. „Is all that you talked about written in it?“ Questioned the raven-haired boy, while Marina was processing what she had just head.

„Wait a minute…...didn‘t you say that your girlfriend Gerda is the Gerda, that defeated the Snow Queen or something?“ Marina asked making the couple nod. „And that book from the library isn‘t a myth, but truth and the one you‘re…..Enrico was looking for is the same?“

„Almost everything you read inside those books is what happened…..or at least the major points of the books are true. I‘m not sure about then one this Enrico had, but I assume it‘s the same,“

„Woah that‘s cool,“ Pastor commented seeing Rollan lie his arms on his lap to sink his head. „Well the thing of the stories being real, the part of you being brainwashed and all not,“

„You know it‘s hard for Rollan to believe he did that and having no memory of it, makes it just worse for him. I really understand this situation,“

„I‘m sorry I never told anyone of you about this. I was afraid of how you two would react or worse, if you two would find it out the other way around and wouldn‘t forgive me for why I didn‘t tell you it,“ The Spaniard apologized.

„Well at some point I understand, why you didn‘t say that,“ Marina mentioned. „I didn‘t believe you had a girlfriend after two weeks after meeting you,“

„Him having a girlfriend doesn‘t sound unrealistic, the rest of the story does if he would have told it all by himself,“ Pastor added earning a nod from Marina.

„That must be a lot to take it for now, right?“ Gerda asked as she placed her hand behind Rollan‘s back for comfort.

„It‘s fine I guess,“ Pastor replied shrugging his shoulders.

Behind Rollan, the door opened up and Leticia looked out to see Rollan‘s friends around, then smiled at seeing them all around.

„Hijo, I didn‘t know you were here“ Leticia commented, then she felt someone surpass by her side laughing and looked down to see Igor ran towards Gerda and Rollan.

„Gerda!“ The troll extolled getting onto the arms of the girl, which smiled and hugged him.

„Hey you shouldn‘t be here,“ Rollan warned watching Igor cuddle with the teenage girl.

„What is that?“ Marina asked perplexed with the look of the creature, then shrieked as two more of the creatures ran out of the house and jumped on Rollan‘s lap to get to Gerda, with the exception of Leonid, which was picked up by the Spaniard.

„Get in there, no one else should see you three,“ Rollan warned watching Gerda stand up, then Rollan accompanied her into the house along with his friends and Leticia looked around before closing the door.

„Is this another of those long stories?“ Pastor asked watching Leonid grab Rollan on his hair to play with.

„Those are baby trolls,“ Rollan commented. „Or well…..toddlers in some sort,“

„So…...this troll land place is actually a normal place, but with trolls like them?“ Questioned Marina earning a nod from Rollan.

„And these trolls aren‘t any trolls, they‘re Princes,“ Gerda mentioned. „My troll-friend Orm was taking care of them, while the parents were busy and they somehow went as blind passengers on Rollan‘s ride here up to Spain,“ Gerda explained. „In a few days, we will bring them back home before something happens to them,“

„My mother and I took care of them this entire time until Gerda and the rest of the team came. At some aspects I really enjoyed having them here with me,“ Rollan confessed patting Leonid on his head, which chuckled and nudged him on his cheek making the others smile enchanted by the cub‘s deed.

„Leonid is most likely going to miss you a lot, Rollan,“ Gerda mentioned, then Igor grabbed Rollan on his shoulder and Gerda helped the cub up on Rollan‘s arms, which now both were occupied by the cubs.

„Gees how can you handle three babies at once?“ Pastor asked surprised making Rollan shrug his shoulders.

„They‘re so far not as hard to deal with at the moment,“ Rollan responded.

„Are you planning on going somewhere, Hijo?“ Leticia asked looking at the son, which shook his head.

„Nope,“ Responded Rollan. „You need to go to the bank?“ Rollan asked putting his hand in his pocket to get out the money he received. „I‘m not sure about if you arranged something for us to eat yet, but if not you can also take some from here,“

„I saved aside for food, don‘t worry mi hijo. Tomorrow I‘ll be out as well to work at the fish market and I may bring home a fish or two for dinner,“ Leticia offered earning a nod from Rollan.

„But use my whole money to pay the debts. The faster we do that the fewer debts we get at the end of the month,“ Rollan warned earning a nod from the woman.

„I‘ll be back in a hour. Make yourself home,“ Leticia asked getting out of the house, then Marina sank her head down at knowing about the debts of the family.

„Do you need more money to help you out?“ Asked Marina making Rollan shake his head.

„No, no you two need it for your own family. We‘re fine at the moment,“ Rollan explained earning a nod from the girl, then Pastor had an idea.

„Hey my mom works as well at the fish market. What do you say, if I buy a few fishes at the market?“ Pastor offered. „I get it cheaper as my mom works there full-time. Let‘s all have dinner together. Interested?“

„I would like that,“ Marina responded.

„I haven‘t eaten for so long in family…..except well my mom was always here and the triplets, but I wouldn‘t mind doing it,“ Rollan responded. „You‘re staying as well, Gerda?“ Rollan questioned the blonde, which shrugged her shoulders.

„I‘m not sure if the invitation also is referred to me,“ Gerda answered making Pastor chuckle.

„You‘re Rollan‘s girl, of course you‘re staying with us. It‘s his house at the end of the day….his mom‘s I mean,“ Pastor corrected earning a nod from the blonde.

„Well, then you can count on me,“ Gerda announced making Rollan smiled amused to know the girlfriend would stay with him for dinner.

[biointernet]

The Universe Ethic Algorithms

The Universe Ethic Algorithms

Sergey Georgievich Dzhura Dear Reader, It is the work for the Man of the Future and it deals with the Ethic Algorithms of the Future Science. It is a ready Doctoral dissertation which I have not managed to defend so far as there are no relevant boards to do it at. The necessary academic councils are to be established. The book is the specific public defense of the dissertation. It is a collection of papers in which the author shows the application of the research new synthetic method. The method has not been recognized by the modern science yet, though its roots go in the old days. Different aspects of its application in pedagogic, philosophy, power engineering and artificial intelligence are examined. All the papers were presented at various international interdisciplinary conferences in different world countries, were awarded by diplomas and got positive references from experts. They are presented in the logical order in the book. There are some repetitions but they just emphasize the significance of application of the ethic algorithms in science. The book came out in the year of the 700th anniversary of St. Sergius of Radonezh, the 350th anniversary of the Treaty of Pereyaslav, 140th anniversary of N.K. Roerich, 135th anniversary of E.I. Roerich, and the 110th anniversary of S.N. Roerich. The Universe Ethic Algorithms. The book is to be read by the heart language. There is every reason to consider the work to be one more brick of the building of the Science of the Coming Jerusalem.

The Universe Ethic Algorithms The Universe Ethic Algorithms A researcher does not have a purpose to get an instant result. He works for the future, as a sower does. His responsibility is to lay the foundation for those who will come and show them the way.  N. Tesla A science is to deal withwhat ―can not be‖, and that ―can be‖ is not ascience, it is a technology. P.L. Kapitsa Chapter 1 Philosophical understanding of algorithms and methods of decision making The Universe Ethic Algorithms V.V. Otkidach, S.G. Dzhura, V.I. Chursinov 1.1. Heading to forming of the planetary civil society The identity of purposes and conclusions, and therefore that of the further way of the mentioned paradigm rapprochement is demonstrated in the paper on the examples of two outlook conceptions (introduction to the modern science and esoteric). The answers to the questions put forward by one outlook have been developed by the other one. Thus the academician N.N.Moiseyev‘s maxim ―to find a new moral system for the modern mankind‖ was properly developed in the other outlook conception (Theosophy, Agni-Yoga), which not only contradicts but also supplement with and even outstrips the things that have been discovered by the traditional science today. The authors give examples of two outlook conceptions (introduction to the modern scientific /1/ and esoteric /2/) to show the identity of goals and conclusions and, therefore, further rapprochement of these two paradigms. The answers to the questions put forward by one outlook have beendeveloped by the other one. Thus the author‘s /2/ maxim ―to find the new moral system for the modern mankind‖ is perfectly developed in the otheroutlook conception (Theosophy, Agni-Yoga) which doesn‘t contradict everything discovered by the traditional science. More than that, it supplements it and goes much further. Introduction to the problem’s topicality. We fully agree with the words of the academician N. N. Moiseyev according to which ―the possibilities of the consuming society – the civilization originating from the neolitical revolution- are spent or are close to be spent. All good the society had been able to give people was already got, and now the mankind is on its way to the epoch of qualitative change of the character of its development. If to use the dynamic system theory language the mankind is on the way to the bifurcation phase where the public evolution process channel , that is the public evolution development type ( and maybe theanthropogenesis character) itself is changed‖ /1/. The academician N. N. Moiseyev is sure that it is necessary tointroduce as special course ―The Modern Outlook‖ as the relationshipsbetween a human being and the Nature are globally critical at present. The authors of the paper share this opinion. Just for comparison they also turnedto the book ―The Basics of the New Epoch Outlook‖ /2/ devoted to thefundamental life problems and the mankind development Though N. N. Moiseyev considers the esoteric knowledge to be ―ancient, not completely lost or simply intuitive knowledge or even superstition‖, he calls it esoteric(and explains: from Greek: ―inner‖), that is secret, hidden, assigned toesoteric people only (in religious ceremonies, mystical doctrine, magicformulae)). The knowledge came from the human being‘s history andexists now, in the era of space and nuclear energy. More than that, according to the authors, the knowledge is of great demand now. According to the academician N. N. Moiseyev the relationship between a human being and the Nature occupies a special place in the knowledge. He emphasizes the beneficial influence of the Nature itself on a human being /1/. Theauthors of the collected articles /3/ ( by the way, it‘s the collection of the articles of Russian and Ukrainian scientists supporting both the traditional science approach to the outlook problem and the esoteric conception stated by the Doctor of Philosophy S. R. Ableyev who was the first to defend the dissertation on the Roerich family heritage. He also wrote a striking book which is closely connected with the topic of the paper under discussion /4/ as the author managed to overcome the philosophy eurocentrizm and illustrates thoroughly both oriental and Russian conception, cultural and historical phenomenon of the esoteric philosophy. All science conferences―The Ethics and Future Science‖ traditionally organized and held by the New Epoch journal Delphis are devoted to rapprochement of the outlooks of the science and esoteric conceptions. From «ноmo sapiens» to «homo noospheres». At the beginning of the XX century V. I. Vernadsky said that the practical activity of a human being is the main geology forming force of the planet. Now, in the era of the nuclear energy, we know that the human being is able to destroy everything that is alive on the planet. That is why understanding of thepotential possibilities of the human being‘s activities and danger as to the human being‘s fate being the result of the activities if they are not controlled by the Collective Intellect of the human being is tone of the corner stones of the world outlook and, consequently, the education system /1/. V. I. Verndadsky‘s philosophy (Russian Cosmism) is as follows: the more destroying are the forces the mankind possesses the more perfect the mechanism of social control over these forces should be. It is impossible to make this control perfect if there is no philosophical platform which can appear in the frames of the noosphere theory. To create this theory is the first and foremost task of the science of the XXI century /5/. The primacy of the material comforts is the dead-end way oftechnical civilization. The noosphere‘s ideals mean the primacy of thecultural wealth over the material comforts, personality freedom from, first of all, the economic pressure and unfair social system. The human being should have, like V. I. Vernadsky did, limited material and unlimited cultural needs. The wise ideas of grand V. I. Vernadsky are very topical today: ―You can‘t put off taking care ofeverlasting and grand for the time when the possibility to meet the elementary needs will be reached by everybody. Otherwise it‘ll be too late. We‘ll hand in the material comforts to the people whose ideal will be―bread and spectacle‖. They would only like to eat, drink, make love anddo nothing. Can the teacher be satisfied bringing up the Skalozubs, Molchanovs, greedy for money bankers, corrupted free-livers, gluttons, and selfish people /6/? The term «homo noospheres» was introduced by a group of authors /7/. The academician A. A. Yashin says: ― The modern Russian scientist,philosopher and cosmos supporter V. P. Kaznacheyev, a recognizedsuccessor of V. I. Verndadsky‘s doctrine on noosphere puts ahead the problem of vectorization of the movement of the summarized intellect of the Earth planet : the intellect implemented into the culture, culturalaspiration, science and technical progress etc.‖ The vector of the movement of the summarized intellect of themankind at the moment of change from the «ноmo sapiens» to «homo noospheres» should be analyzed /8/. According to the authors of the paperthe virtual reality (in literature, mass media, and the Internet) is this summarized expression, the reflection of the collective intellect. It‘s aseparate big topic for discussion. This very component is of greatimportance as ̳the future of the planetary community will greatly dependon the knowledge spreading and character, erudition, culture and ideological universals which are the knowledge consequence and which N. N. Moiseyev calls the world understanding. ―It is this very component of the outlook that society can influence purposely. The future of the society will depend on its ability to understand and accept the unavoidable taboos, and obey them, but it will not depend on the technique and technologyperfection‖ /1/. The necessity of ecological imperative closely connected with the ethical one. The system of prohibitions which guarantees the mankind‘sdevelopment stability is implied by this term. Why is it so? Whilebecoming «ноmo sapiens» that is being aware of himself like this the human being was able to survive due to the right of the ̳wise‘ which existed along with the right of the ̳strong‘. According to N. N. Moiseyev it was reflected in the first ―taboos‖: ―Don‘t kill!‖ ―Look for your second half next cave‖ and later on in the system of the ―Teacher‖. It made it possibleto create the stronger army and people and to survive. Thus the dispositionsperfection ( the idea of ̳morality‖ and later on the ―ethics‖ –morality science- generated from it) helped the human being to survive rather than to kill each other as it happened at the earlier stages ( archeological dig proves it). The Universe Ethic Algorithms The principle ―don‘t kill!‖ solved the contradictions between thestrongest and wisest in favour of the latter. When N. N. Moiseyev spells the word ―Teacher‖ with the capitalletter he means not a person who teaches other people but the whole system of passing the information to further generations. This system is formed by public institutions. A teacher as a separate person whose occupation is to teach young generation is the most important element of the system of the―Teacher‖. This element is based on traditions, legal institutions whichprovide the bringing up of the future members of the society. Defence of all members of the tribe or family contradicted the relations which traditionally existed in the primitive herd. Really, wise and skilled members of the tribe who provided its welfare were not always the strongest, most courageous and luckiest in the men‘s fightings which werepreferable under usual species selection. To defend not only females and posterity but also knowledge and skills bearer or those who could bear them were of vital necessity for the herd of the original people ( or primitive horde). According to N. N. Moiseyev the strongest prohibition―don‘t kill!‖ appeared gradually on this basis. As it was extremely important for any human being‘s group it became the background for anymoral and exists in different forms in the religions of all nations /1/. Wewould like to state that the concept of the ―Teacher‖ was developed themost completely by the oriental tradidition /2/. The danger of coming back of the New Medieval appearedimmediately. ―I often call myself a pessimistic optimist as I see thepotential possibilites the mankind has. But I‘m not sure at all that themankind will be able to use them and manage the genetic heritage left by the mammoth hunters which lives in us. Once this heritage threw all the achievement of the antique civilization back, immersed Europe intodarkness of the Medieval. It‘s this heritage that represents itself both in theworld and local wars and every day behaviour of the inmhabitants of the civilized world /1/. As a matter of fact it is necessary to change the thinkingparadigm as we are at the very point of bifurcation from which we can‘treturn. The statement made by S. V. Klyuchnikov is quite suitable here. ― Itis more important to catch and understand themoral of the forthcoming epoch by separating the main from the secondary. If theindividualism – the characteristic absolutely necessary to find the place under the sun - has been constantly cultivated in the human being since Rennaisance , the new synthesis epoch gives birth to a new quality which is commonness. Itmakes the human being feel himself "―a single whole'‘/10/. A number of more The Universe Ethic Algorithms:

The Universe Ethic Algorithms

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[samthepotterhead]

(1/3) Blog - My HP trip to London - 14/12/17

I came back from my four day trip to London last week and now I’m excited to review my visit (HP-wise)! —Warner Bros. Studio Tour— Everbody says the Tour is a must-see for Potterheads (along with the parks in Hollywood and Florida), so I was naturally happy to be able to do the famous Warner Bros. Studio tour in Leavsden. I didn’t have the highest expectations for the Tour, because I just prefer the books over the movies, but I was still really excited. -What I especially liked- * The shuttle service. Even if Watford Junction (the meeting point for the bus) is quite a while away from downtown London, it was no problem to get there. The shuttle bus was very much on time and seeing other Harry Potter fans slowly gather round is a really good feeling. The price for the shuttle with return included is 2.50£ per person, so completely okay. The bus itself is full of Harry Potter pictures on the outside so being inside such a bus is a great feeling too. * The shops. The main shop, plus the one after Studio 1 and the one next to the Hogwarts Express, seriously has everything - from costumes to sweets to wands. They have more merchandise than any other Harry Potter shop I’ve been to during my stay in London. I saw a couple buying 800£ worth of things in the main shop and that’s seriously couple goals, because I can see why they did that. * The making-of videos. Apart from the fact that I only saw half of them because there were so many people, they were all really interesting. There are videos about the hair and makeup specialists, about the costume designers and many more. I especially liked the one about the portraits they made for the movies, also because there were benches and you had time to watch the whole thing. * The wand training session. That’s not a long feature - it only takes about 5 minutes - but it was simply amazing. You could choose from a set of wands and then the battle scene choreographer (on a screen) showed you three different wand attack moves. You learned them first and then tried to attack a Death Eater (also on screen). I felt like I was learning a real wand move and naturally, I put a lot of effort into it. Some great pictures came out of that, too. * The Diagon Alley studio. Though not the the whole length of the street, Diagon Alley was built up in real size. There is so much detail in it and you really felt like walking through a (surprisingly uncrowded) Diagon Alley. Everything a book fan needs. * The Hogwarts model. After some small, uncolored, models of buildings from the movies, you leave and turn right into the next room with this enormous, richly detailed model of Hogwarts, the soundtrack of Philosopher’s stone nostalgically playing in the background. I seriously had a moment where I thought I would cry. You can get really close to the model and get an idea of how huge Hogwarts must be and this was something extremely interesting to me. * The Tour Passport. It’s for free and I read it was especially for children, so I didn’t open it until later on. Bad idea because it looked like a lot of fun to fill out the different questions. However, I don’t think I would’ve had the time for it anyway (see “gadgets” for more). * The price. Yes, the tour is expensive, but if you see how many props they have to take care of and how many people are working there, it’s a fair price. Additionally, you get to stay there as long as you want and that’s something I actually haven’t seen anywhere else before. -What I liked less- * The mass of props. You walk in into Studio 1 and you see hundreds of hundreds of props. Sounds great in theory, but in reality you’re so overwhelmed that there’s no way you can see all the details of the props. And I personally felt like missing out on so many things. * The crowds. Especially children tend to fight their way through the crowds into the first row (to see the Gryffindor common room for example) and ignore that there are other people who want to see the props in detail as well. But also some adults literally place themselves in front of you and stay there for two minutes. Also, the crowds make you feel as if you only had 10 seconds to see each prop, because there are people waiting behind you already. There were a lot of things I only had a quick glance of, even if you could theoretically stare at one prop for eight hours. * The arrangement. It’s literally a hall (the studio) crammed with all sorts of things and almost no space in between. Additionally though, the props are not really arranged in a certain (logical) way, like from movies 1 to 8 or after certain events like the Triwizward Tournament. The Beauxbatons uniforms for example were across the room from the Triwizard cup and Madame Maxime’s costume was even in a different studio (the great hall). I’m usually not a very tidy person, but exhibitions should certainly have a logical arrangement. * The noise. Alright, I see why there have to be a lot of people at the same time and I see that especially children are noisy, but the people are not the only problem. There are lots of TVs with making-of videos as well as some props with sound effects. The videos are really interesting and they’ve put a lot of effort into it, but they’re extremely loud - to make them heard over the noise of the crowd. And the sound effects are sweet, but sometimes really unnecessary or simply way too loud. My main memory of the Tour was this super loud Studio 1 and I’m surprised that my ears could handle it. * The lack of guides. On the website it says there are guides at every station, but I honestly saw about three and maybe would’ve seen five if I had actively looked for them. It was okay since I know pretty much everything about Harry Potter itself, but especially concerning the movies, I would’ve liked to have a little more additional info. The guides that I saw would have surely given me that information, but I didn’t really know how to ask for that except maybe “Can you tell me some cool extra facts about this prop??”. * The additional “gadgets”. Of course, it’s your own choice whether you buy the Audio Guide and the Souvenir Guide or not, but I expected a bit more on those two things. The Audio Guide was actually great, because it gave you quite some background info on certain props, but listening to it, reading the infos next to the prop, watching the videos and taking photos, and then actually having a look at the prop was a lot. The Souvenir Guide has a lot of pictures in it and has many pages, but there is no additional information in there. You made exactly the same photos yourself and that’s souvenir enough in my opinion. So, nice idea, but rather unnecessary. * The length. Obviously it’s great that they made such a big tour with so many props, because certainly not all movie franchise fans can say that. But I have to say that firstly, my back seriously started to pain after three hours and it only stopped overnight (I’m 19); and secondly, I became tired and not able to fully take in all of the amazing props after Studio 1 (such as the Knight Bus or the Potter’s house). But I have to admit, I was on one of the latest tours that day and it was already dark. -What I would change- * Make the tour a real exhibition. Only put some props out at a time, but with more information (as either videos, through guides, or big info boards). This can be achieved through a cool theme that changes, let’s say, every six months. It makes the tour shorter, but more detailed, and people will go there more than once, simply because the content changes. * Make time slots, but with a smaller amount of people. For example, each group has two hours for the Great Hall and Studio 1, two hours for the Hogwarts Express, the cafeteria and the outside part, and two hours for Studio 2 with Diagon Alley, the Hogwarts model etc. Fewer people will be less noisy and less stressed, because they can look at all the things in detail. * Make the Passport the only “gadget”, but maybe in a larger format. When there are exhibition themes with a lot of background information, everybody will love to write it down to keep it in mind. The questions from the Passport are great for that. * Make more special events with actors, directors, producers or designers. The great hall would be perfect for that, with the section of the teachers’ table being the stage (without the costumes and some of the props of course) and the rest of the room being space for the audience. Depending on how fragile the tables are, you could also use them for the audience to sit at. Every Harry Potter fan would love to see such an event (and would pay a decent amount of money on it). Conclusion: All in all, I was not disappointed in the tour - it was fun, but I also didn’t have that high expectations. I was hyper excited for maybe five minutes when the shuttle parked in front of the Studios and we could actually see it, but then toned it down again. I probably won’t go again in the next few years, because, well, the content mostly stays the same. The theme parks in the U.S. might be better for me since I wished to feel more “inside” the world of Harry Potter, but the Studio Tour doesn‘t really provide that (- which they don‘t pretend to anyway!). The making of movies in general is really interesting to me, but that didn‘t change the fact that I liked to have seen a more “magical” tour. So that’s 2/5 stars from me, a book nerd, but movie fans might give it more!