#don’t get me wrong he is a pretty mf

[hischierschain]

the whole “girls only watch the devils for jack hughes” rhetoric is so confusing bc i would Not watch the devils willingly those fuckers piss me off

[sinning-23]

Calling Them By Their Full Name

OPLA Headcannons! I thought htis was a funny little thing lol. Anyway enjoy

Warnings: slight mentions of nsfw topics but nothing too serious

Sorry for any spelling errors!

Luffy

-ohhhhh that did not sound like your usual happy, loving voice.

-he knows he fucked up and now he’s hiding from your wrath.

-“MONKEY D. LUFFY, GET YOUR ASS IN THIS KITCHEN. NOW.”

-you could hear a pen drop from how quiet the ship got

-ok so maybe he ate that super expensive, super special dessert you had been saving for a while now. And like, it was going to go bad! All he wanted was a little taste! Than a taste turned into accidentally eating the whole thing.

-He was gonna tell you, honest! But it had proven obvious you found out before he could. He seen you round the corner with RAGe on your face and tears in your eyes.

-"TRAITOR!" You yell, throwing a tired punch to his chest.

-“I’m sorry mami, I’ll find you another one. Promise.” He hums, peppering your face with kisses, squeezing your face between his palms when he did.

-There’s no way you could stay mad at him for long

Zoro

-whoa whoa whoa why are you so ANNNGRY

-hated when you call him by his full name like that, makes him feel like a child being reprimanded

-“RORONOA GODDAMN ZORO.” You boom, Nami’s jaw dropping at the sound. Even she could tell you were pissed

-he’s the sassiest mf alive so he’ll probably just be like, “who the hell are talking to woman?!”

-“You’re a real piece of work you know that??” You’re still yelling and he wastes no time rolling his eyes at you and grabbing you by your waist, the action shutting you up.

“Wanna stop yelling and be a big girl and tell me what’s wrong?” He teases, that stupid smirk you love falling over his features at your speechlessness.

-It’s not often you say his full make but when you do he makes sure you’ll never forget it that same night.

-“Say my name baby, real loud.” He groans, a hand around your throat to steady spent body as he slams back into you

Sanji

-I know thats not a cigarette i smell Vinsmoke Sanji."

-awe hell. Yout tone is deadly. he tried he damndest to stomp it out before you rounded the corner but nope.

-You never use his full name like that. Never.

-did he just get chills?

-"Of course not my love!" He lies throigh his teeth but before he can say anything ese you re lips are on his, you fist gripping the fabric of his shirt.

-He knew he was caught, the taste of tobacco mixing with your usual mint. You pull away, smoothing his shirt out with a warning smile.

-"Don’t lie to me again, I’ll always know when you do, Black Leg." You explain , taking the small cardboard box from his pocket and walking off.

-Even though it was ment as a threat, he couldn't help but feel hotter than ususal. God he loved it when you talked all serious to him.

Bonus: Mihawk

-You know better than to use his full name. Orr to even call him anything besides the usual endearing pet name.

-So when he hears his name called with nothing short of rage, hes trying to figure out who you think you’re talking to.

-"Dracule. Mihawk." You spit, holding the empty bottle in your hand

-Ok so your rage was warented cause he managed to drink the entire vintage bottle of wine you'd been saving...it wasn’t like it was on purpose!

-He doesn’t even bother to look up from his book, just barely giving you a slight glance when you were right in front of him, pointing to the bottle.

-"Id watch your tone darling." he warns, smirking at the way you purse your lips and turn away with a fierce attitude he'd be sure to deal with later.

-“Oh shove it up your ass Dracule.” You scoff, trying to quicken your pace but failing when he’s already behind you, his much larger hand holding your wrist as you yelp.

-His look says it all. You’re screwed.

-So now you’re sitting pretty, bent over and counting each time his hand meets the sore and slightly reddened flesh of your ass.

-“Now, what’s my name again darling?”

[paymechildsupport]

Milked for Every Last Drop ~ // 🥛🐄

Francis Mosses x M!Reader // 😋🙏

HC's [NSFW]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holy smokes the THINGS I WANNA DO to THIS MAN--

(That glass is NOT stopping me 😂🙏🥛🤤) 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   

  ‘Thinkin’ about how this man’s the biggest fucking cum slut in the whole mf complex. He’s the milkman, but most people don’t know Francis doesn’t mind being milked himself. 

After a long day of dropping off cartons of milk he’ll drag himself to your office at the lobby. As a doorman, you often don’t get home until very late at night— if you ever even make it home. Resigned, Francis has to come to you if he wants his thirst satiated. 

      He’s such a goddamn slut, whoring himself out, whimpering and fucking SQUELING as you pump his swole cock for every last drop. He whines an ungodly amount. All it takes is your strong hand wrapped around his pretty dick for Francis to be reduced to a simpering, sobbing mess. A huge crybaby too. 

Like puddy in your hands, he’d make such a mess,— you’d need to lay towels down everywhere. 

In your office, shutters down after a long winded day at work,— fingers expertly rubbing up and down your husband’s twitching cock, cum flowing as you physically have to hold him up lest he fall off the couch,— which has happened in the past,— the pathetic mutt shaking so much has done the small, old couch in your office in. 

One time you were going down, sucking sloppily at his hard-on on the office couch when all of a sudden it broke— fucking gave out like Francis’ weak legs. While you were rather amused your husband was quite mortified, intent on controlling his spasming body. 

You disliked how tense his body became during intimacy,- so much so you made sure the next time you fucked his brains out and pounded his pretty ass into the bed you made him come so hard he tore his vocal cords and felt tremors ripple throughout his entire body for the rest of the week. He never tried to deny you of his pleasurable reactions again. 

[Additional HC’s <3] 

He’d give you sloppy toppy under your desk while you work (just pray you can focus enough to not terminate the wrong person 😞) 

Loves it when you swallow his cum and kiss him immediately afterwards; like pouncing and sloppily slamming your lips to his, swirling your tongue all around, watching him come undone at the taste of himself on his tongue🙏😋

He’s lactose intolerant 

Certain men can struggle getting aroused, especially if they have a medical condition, are on certain meds, or have depression / anxiety. 1950’s and mental health being nonexistent poor darling can’t properly talk to a professional about his inner turmoils, and sometimes he struggles getting erect. No matter how much you both try, he just physically can’t. Really self conscious of it too, he feels utterly pathetic (and not in that good way). You reassure him you don’t mind, and you love him for him, as your charmingly sleep deprived milkman <3 

           *A/N: Dunno what it is but there’s something so attractive in pleasuring a man who can’t get erect— I read a Geto fanfiction on here about it and it awoke something deep within me. Really need to find that one again, it’s a gorgeous piece. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[cal-flakes]

can i pls see gun kink thoughts with rafe. real coked out and crazy, choking u with the barrel 😋

is this deranged ? probs? love u the mostest!!

it is deranged. but i also fucking love it. so maybe we are deranged. i adore u — also, i unfortunately get off on edging you mf’s so please don’t hate me when it cuts off.

‧₊🫧꒷꒦‧₊˚⋆

— “y’think you’re the boss huh? parading yourself around in those little skirts? infront of my friends?” he spat, grip tight on your jaw, forcing your eyes on him. you attempted to shake your head, yet winced as his hold only got firmer.

rafe pushed you backwards as he let go of your cheeks, leaving you to land on the couch. your glassy eyes followed him as he paced the room— eyes frantic, pupils blown; the obvious reasoning for his unreasonable reaction to you and your usual attire.

“the fuck am i gonna do with you?” he muttered, running a hand over his buzzed head. his eyes fell on the bottom drawer of the television cabinet, causing him to stop still while his glare fell back towards you. “c’mere” he ordered, voice low and raspy as his hand beckoned you over lazily.

eager to please him, you found yourself under rafe’s sadistic gaze once more. “rafe i’m—“

“do you trust me?” he interrupted, words harsh and laced with mixed emotion. you weren’t sure what he wanted to hear, especially not when he’s like this. opting for the obvious— you nodded eagerly, peering up at him, yet frowned as he stepped passed. you watched intently as his hand dipped into the drawer, pulling out a familiar piece of heavy metal. “knees, now”

doing as you’re told, you lowered yourself in front of him, as well as your gaze— ashamed of the wetness growing between your thighs. “you’re gonna show me jus’ how much you respect me” he smirked, turning round fully to present his idea.

peering up at him, you felt your core ache for it. it was wrong— so wrong in so many ways, and yet you wanted to completely surrender to him. pulling a plump lip between your teeth, you nodded— readjusting yourself in preparation.

“tha’s it— you want me to teach y’some respect kid?” he chuckled, feeling a complete lack of surprise at your willingness. “yes”

“yes what?” he sneered, toying with the gun. you watched as his slender fingers worked the metal so carelessly— fiddling with the safety. falling into such admiration, you almost didn’t realise the light slap that blushed it’s way across your cheek. “hey— speak when spoken to kid”

“i— yes, yes sir” you whimpered.

“y’shouldn’t trust me, y’know. who knows, might blow your pretty little brains out all over the rug” he hummed, dragging the barrel of the cool metal down your cheek, tauntingly. “open your mouth for me doll”

[girlboypersonthingy]

Could you maybe write a Sally Face One Shot, where Sal developed a huge crush on reader. But he thinks she doesn’t feel the same way. So he writes a love letter in which he puts no hope in, but then she actually tells him she does feel the same.

Does that even make any sense?😭

Yes…it makes sense and I’m weeping over this omggggg 😭😭😭 bruh this had me screaming and kicking in bed as I wrote it omfgggggg. Sal is pretty smart so I know this mf would write some pretty, thought out, poetic type shit

Notes: gn!reader, established friendship, friends to lovers trope

TW: none, just so fucking sappy and fluffy

Sal x reader- Sincerely Sally 💌

Dear (Y/N),

I want to start by telling you that you’re an amazing friend. I’m beyond grateful we’ve met. You’ve always made me feel so comfortable, so wanted, so important. No words could ever truly explain my feelings for you or the thoughts behind them, but I’m going to try.

Since we met, I’ve seen nothing but good in you and I think you’ve made me good, too. You make me feel good. You make me a better person. I don’t know who I’d be without you, but I know who I want to be now.

I want to be the one on your arm when we walk into a room.

I want to be the one you wake up to every morning and fall asleep next to every night.

I want to kiss you every time we say ‘good bye’ and every time we say ‘hello’ again.

I want to be the one you point to with a smile and say ‘him’ when talking to others.

I want to be the one to hold you when you cry.

I want to be the one to hug you when you’re excited.

I want to go every where you go.

I want to slow dance with you.

I want to head bang with you.

I want to paint with you.

I want to sing to you.

I want to hold you.

I want you.

I love you.

I’m in love with you.

And I’m sorry.

Sincerely,

Sally <3

Sal felt like a total loser while sneaking over to your place, which was just down the street from Todd’s house, and slipping the letter in your mailbox. He felt like he could puke just from writing the letter, there’s no way he could ever say these things to your face. He couldn’t help but hesitate, staring at the mailbox as his heart beat rapidly in his chest. ‘They’re going to hate me. I’m gonna ruin everything. What the hell am I doing?’ Sal thinks to himself, staying frozen in place for a good few minutes as thousands of thoughts race through his mind, shaky hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets.

He jumps a bit when he notices the light in your bedroom flick on through your window. He ducks his head and turns to leave, not wanting to get caught lurking around your house in the middle of the night. As he rushes back home, the panic begins to set in because now he realizes he left it…he left the letter behind. It was done. No turning back. He felt sick to his stomach and like he was already grieving the loss of your friendship.

Sal tip toes back in the house, praying neither Neil nor Todd would catch him sneaking in so late and ask questions. He trudges to his room, shedding his clothes before flopping onto his bed. Sal lays on his side and after taking his prosthetic off, stares at the wall for hours thinking about all the ways this could go wrong, all the ways you could reject him, every excuse and lie he could use later to act like it wasn’t even serious, like it was a dumb joke or something. Finally, after his brain had tortured him enough, he drifts off to sleep just before the sun begins to rise.

~next morning~

‘Holy shit…’ You think as you hold the piece of lined note book paper in your shaky hands. “No way…no way!” A giddy smile grows on your face as you clumsily drop all the other mail you had in your hands, besides Sal’s letter, on the ground and take off running for him. It was early in the morning and you were in pajamas still but nothing could stop you now. His house was not far at all and you were too excited not to immediately run to him and profess your love for him.

You and Sal had been friends almost as long as he has with Larry and Todd. You’ve slowly fallen in love with him just as hard as he has with you- the issue is that you are both dummies and think the other person sees you as a friend and a friend only. You’d find yourself dreaming of Sal, not knowing he was dreaming of you too. You’d absentmindedly doodle his name on piece of paper and blush, he’d find a strand of your hair on his shirt and smile so big under his mask. You two have been pining for so long but both so afraid to wreck the relationship you already have. Eventually, Sal felt like he couldn’t get anything done, couldn’t focus on his studies or the ghosts or even eating throughout the day. His brain was full, flooded even, with thoughts of you. He just had to get it out, he had to say it to you now or he would be haunted by it forever. Unbeknownst to Sal…you felt the exact same way.

Bouncing up to his doorstep with an uncontrollable smile on your face, cheeks aching and turning red, you knock on the door and ball your fists up out of excitement. Finally, Todd answers the door, smiling at you before greeting you. “(Y/N)! What are you doing here so early? We-“ “Sal! I-I’m sorry. I need to talk to Sal.” You interrupt, your crazy smile making Todd chuckle softly just as Neil comes up behind him. “Morning, (Y/N)! Sal isn’t up yet. He’s still-“

You weren’t trying to be rude, you adored Todd and Neil but you were currently completely 100% hyperfixated on the sleeping blue haired poet behind the door at the end of the hall way and you just had to see him immediately. “I-I’m sorry…” You laugh softly as you push past them, sprinting for his door, gripping the knob excitedly before swinging the door open. The sound of the door swinging back against the door frame stirs Sally from his sleep, making him groan and glance over at the doorway. Before he can react to you being in his bedroom, in your pajamas still with bed head and an adorable love sick smile on your face, you’re jumping into his blankets with arms wide open. As you practically belly flop on top of him, he huffs softly then chuckles, groggily blinking at you.

“Uh…morning…” He mumbles just before you place the folded love letter on his chest, giving him a small smirk. His eyes open wider now, his prosthetic eye not in its usual socket. Sal scrambles nervously to sit up more, his breath hitching in his throat. He was so half asleep for a moment there, he had forgotten all about the letter he planted in your mailbox last night. “Oh I uh….yeah uh-uhm-“ Sal can’t seem to move his mouth correctly, can’t focus his brain on the words he wants to say. And he just breaks down even more when he realizes you’re in his bed, still in pajamas with the cutest messiest bed head. He can’t deal with the cuteness and his gnawing anxiety…So you speak up instead.

“I love you too.” You smile sweetly before pulling yourself up closer to his scarred face and rubbing your nose against his. Sal lets out a whiny little hum as he lets his nervous hands very slowly move up to rest on your back, smiling like a sappy dork as he hugs you softly. He’s not sure what exactly he was expecting to happen after giving you that letter but this is most definitely the best case scenario. “Let’s just…fucking kiss already.” You say with a cheeky smile, eyes half lidded as you lean in closer. Sal sucks in a breath before letting his eyes close along with yours, pursing his lips out as his hands move up your arms and to your cheeks. His big palms caress your face so perfectly, his thumbs sliding back and forth over your skin as you lock lips, gently moving your mouths together as soft sighs leave both of you.

As his hands pull your face closer, your hands wander up and down his bare arms, legs tangled up in his blankets along with him now, you couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh against his lips. “I’m glad you finally told me…that letter was so beautiful.” You whisper, lips gently ghosting against his now. Sal keeps his eyes closed but smiles brightly. “I wrote 153 of those letters.” He confesses, face burning bright red. “No you didn’t.” You scoff, looking down at him, finding this fact hilarious and also adorable and flattering.

“Oh yes he did!” Todd and Neil are leaning in the open doorway. Oops…you got so excited you didn’t shut the door behind you when you ran in. “Proof!” Neil laughs out loudly as he points to Sal’s trash can in the corner of the room, overflowing with balled up pieces of paper. You laugh as you look over, Neil and Todd laughing along with you. Sal drapes an arm over his face, trying to hold back his flustered smile and embarrassed expression. “Stoopppp.” He complains before you’re standing and playfully glaring at the two boys in the doorway. “That’s enough teasing. Shoo!” You grin at Todd before shutting the door on them and turning back to Sal.

“153, huh? Wow. That’s some dedication, lover boy.” You climb back into his bed, sitting cross legged beside him. “Why didn’t you just tell me in person, Sal? Would’ve been way easier.” You scoot closer to him and run your fingers through his tangled hair. “Uh, I totally disagree. I nearly had a panic attack just putting that letter in your mailbox and then having to walk away from it.” A laugh rings out from you as you toss your head back. “Ha! So, What? You’re afraid to say you love me but not afraid of ghosts or demons or cults?” You taunt him before leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes for a second. “You’re strange. And I love that about you.” You rest there with him for a moment before a fantastic idea hits you, making you sit up and gasp excitedly.

“Can I read the other ones too?!” Before Sal can answer, you’ve jumped up and ran to the rejected pile of love letters in the corner. “No! (Y/N)! No no nononononono!” Sal jumps up and runs to tackle you, his face blushing so red from his ears and down his neck. You laugh loudly as he wraps his arms around your waist and tries to pull you away from all the other embarrassing things he wrote and considered saying to you. “They’re…in the trash…for a reason!” He laughs and huffs as you you push forward, trying to reach even just one crumpled up piece of paper. “Pleeaaassseeeee?” You plead but your strength leaves you as Sal tickles you and has you cackling on the ground instantly.

And the next 10 minutes are spent wrestling with him on the floor of his bedroom while laughing like drunk idiots and occasionally pressing a kiss to the other’s lips. Eventually, you do get ahold of a few of the discarded love letter drafts and they are either like Shakespeare poetry type shit, or so fucking dorky and corny, full of puns and shit. Larry probably tried to help him with that one lol

[peachdues]

GIYUU TOMIOKA NSFW HEADCANONS

I might revise Rengoku's after this one, but for now, enjoy my horny HCs for our favorite emotionally-constipated Pillar!

CW: explicit sexual content • MDNI • creampies • mild corruption kink • mean dom!Giyuu and whimpering sub!Giyuu

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

Giyuu has a very faint happy trail that begins right below his navel; but don’t be fooled — it leads to an absolute jungle below his belt 

If it bothers you, he will trim it down, but if you don’t say anything, he’ll just leave it. Truthfully, Giyuu is a big fan of grinding into you (he LOVES the mess you make against his groin), so the friction his hair helps create against your clit is certainly worth the stray pube that may find its way into your mouth from time to time while he fucks your throat. 

Onto his dick:

Listen

I know we all know the truth about quiet boys — and Giyuu is so very quiet 

He’s hung like a mf horse

He’s not particularly girthy (though don’t get me wrong — he’s got well enough to satisfy), but he is long. Even flaccid, it swings between his legs. He’s about 7.5-8 inches when hard, and it sticks straight out. It’s slightly pink in color, and he has a very pretty tip that you just love to suckle on (he whimpers when you do). He has one prominent vein on the underside of his cock, and if you run your tongue against it, he WILL be shooting his load onto your face/down your throat. 

As for his cum, I envision it to be a bit on the thinner side in consistency, slightly sweet, and he cums a LOT. He usually rolls his balls around while he’s cumming to make sure he gets it all out --and into you.

FOREPLAY

Giyuu is admittedly not as experienced with foreplay at first, but he’s committed to making you feel good, so, he’s going to learn and he’s going to learn fast. 

I HC that he has really long, delicate fingers and the man knows how to put them to WORK.

You see, Giyuu has never been one to intentionally push another person’s buttons (always doing so accidentally), but with you???

Oh baby, those fingers are searching to press every one of yours. 

Truthfully, you could fuck yourself on his hand all day and you’d be satisfied (and in fact, you do). He found your g-spot completely on accident while fingering you, simply by curling his fingers. 

Giyuu also enjoys going down on you, because he’s fascinated at the way you fall apart beneath his tongue.

He takes his time exploring your core, curious as to what makes you gasp and writhe, as well as what makes you moan and scream.

The first time you cum in his mouth, you have to quite literally pull him off you, because that first taste unleashed a beast within him and he will not stop licking and sucking and fucking you with his tongue until you’re sobbing with overstimulation 

HOW HE FUCKS YOU

Whether he's a sub or a dom really depends on his mood. If he's returning from a mission, he wants to be taken care of (read: he wants you to ride him until he goes cross-eyed). But if it's you returning, be prepared for him to break furniture with how hard he's fucking you -- as if you need to be reminded of who's waiting for you to return home.

When Giyuu subs...

WHIMPERER MAX 5000

I mean it’s almost pathetic how needy this man gets for you while you’re on top, bouncing along the thick length of him like your life depends on it 

Expect to have some bruises on your hips from how hard he’s gripping you. Eventually, he gets so desperate that he’s lifting you up and down his cock too, thrusting helplessly up into you without rhythm. He’s just desperately chasing his own release, too drunk at the way your dripping heat constricts around him to the point that he sees stars.

He’s begging you to let him cum, and truthfully, you almost feel bad that you keep slowing down, choosing to rock slowly against him instead of continuing the relentless push and pull of your hips that you know gets him panting. Almost. 

When Giyuu doms, however...

When he’s on top though, get ready. Giyuu is relentless and can get downright mean. 

Honestly, you shouldn't be surprised. He spends so much time bottling up his emotions that they're bound to explode out of him at some point. Lucky for you that they happen to be exploding out of him and into you, with the way he has you bent over like his own personal cum dump as he ruthlessly takes out every pint of frustration he's kept locked up on your poor, aching cunt.

He’s pulling your hair, running his nails down your skin, and forcing you to say whose name is forever painted on your walls as his drips from your folds.  He’s particularly fond of shoving your head down against the futon as he takes you roughly from behind. He’s not satisfied until you’re crying. 

Oh and if you’ve been teasing him while out in public (particularly if you’re in the Corps)?? RIP to your pussy bc he’s about to slay it.

Not many people were aware of your relationship with the Water Pillar, but that was out of mutual agreement between you both. However, a few of your comrades had noticed a rather telling mark on your throat while you were being treated for a wound, and while you were able to avoid confessing the identity of your lover, you hadn’t been able to skirt the fact that you, indeed, had one. 

“What was it like?” A fellow Kinoe named Ayane asked you, a blush spreading across her cheeks. 

You could hardly meet her eyes as you mumbled, “It was nice.”

If you’d known the Water Pillar had been lurking nearby, ears carefully listening for your response, you perhaps would have been a little more careful with your words — but truthfully, you were flustered and a tad embarrassed, and so you’d answered her rather dismissively. 

Giyuu, it appeared, hadn’t been amused by your assessment; not when his hand had shot out from the dark cover of the trees to snag around your wrist, yanking you into the shadows. 

“Tell me, Y/N,” he growled in your ear, pressing you harder against the bark of the tree as he drove into you. “Does this feel-fucking-nice?” He punctuated the last three words with corresponding, pointed, sharp thrusts.

Your hands shot out to grip the rough wood to steady yourself as you whimpered, though the sound was drowned out by that of Giyuu’s hips slapping forcefully into your backside as he pumped into you with vigor. 

The Water Pillar’s teeth sank into the juncture between your neck and shoulder, the sting serving as your warning. “I asked you a question.” 

“Giyuu — ah — someone is going to see us,” You cried, though your protests were weakened by the way your hips ground back against him, desperate for release. 

Giyuu’s hand wound around your middle and dipped down to between your legs, skilled fingers circling your aching clit. “Not if you keep quiet and come when I say.”

His other hand had to clap around your mouth as his hips drilled into you, his fingers sliding between your lips to choke off the whine of his name as your cunt began to seize around him, begging to be filled by his cum, desperate to feel it leaking out of you as he sent you on your way. 

“I’ll show you fuckin’ nice,” he promised, and the Water Pillar wrenched you away from the base of the tree to bend you over before him. 

KINK-O-CLOCK

hear me out: I think this man has a virginity kink 

like he wants to TAKE your virginity 

If you’re not a virgin, dw, he’s still obsessed with you 

this is just like an added bonus for him — the idea that he’s the one who’s going to turn you into a whimpering, crying mess, that you’ll fall apart around his cock gets him incredibly excited. Especially because he plans on being the only man to touch you like this. It might translate into a greater corruption kink, but it goes both ways — he loves the idea of reducing you to a lustful, needy mess just as much as he loves the fact you do the same thing to him

big-time praise kink — he loves hearing you sing his praises, even if he gets extremely shy while you do it. He so rarely hears any form of praise or gratitude, so when you give it to him (both in bed and out of it), it means the world to him 

EDGING — especially if he’s been away for an extended period of time. You’re overjoyed when he comes home, but you’re also steadily preparing yourself for a long-ass night. Giyuu isn’t one to rush things already, but if it’s been a week or so since he’s last been inside of you, you better prepare yourself for a loooooonnng night ahead of you. He will bring you right up to the cusp of your orgasm before pulling off/out/removing himself, leaving you to clench around nothing. He will do this several times before finally, finally, letting you cum. 

creampies on creampies on creampies

Tbh he could give Sanemi a run for his money on this one (and his job at the Hostess donut filling plant)

The man is obsessed with his cum being in you. He’s not satisfied until it’s leaking out of you, and you’re laying on your back, knees against your chest, unable to do anything but hum in contentment because you’re so full of him. He will watch it trickle out of you, and then shove his still-hard cock right back in to give you one more load because fuck you look so sexy when you’re leaking him.  

bestie how do you think babies are made 

But if he’s not cumming inside of you, he is fascinated with cumming on your tits/face. The sight of his pearly seed covering your skin as you swipe your fingers through it, happily licking it from your hands is 100% guaranteed to make him rock-hard again

He always needs to be touching you in some way, but he especially loves holding onto your waist while plunging deep into you. It doesn’t matter if he’s on the bottom or the top — he just needs to hold you.

[sweetiecutie]

Hi there, gorgeous! For the writing event - maybe some headcanons for our big guy König? I really don’t care what that is, just give us some food🤲

Random König headcanons

Warnings: mentions of violence, anger issues, that’s all ig

It’s sad to admit that Tiktok ruined this character. Let’s get one thing straight - König is not a shying, fumbling mess of a baby, too scared to say a word in public. He’s a confident, persistent, smug mf whose domineering presence makes others shrink slightly, complying with his every demand.

This guy is a colonel, he doesn’t stutter or mumble or anything like that. König barks out orders, his voice is deep and dominant, loud enough for everyone in the field to hear. And if someone dares to make fun of his accent? They got themselves a life-long enemy. God bless this fool.

Now, let’s consider something. Who would wear a sniper hood all the goddamn time? It’s good for some operations, but wearing it 24/7? Absolutely no. That leads me to think that König prefers to wear a plain black balaclava when around the base. Hem of it rests snugly around his neck, not restricting any movements nor falling onto the table while sitting; vision range is way better than two eye holes in the hood allow; it doesn’t get caught onto his shoulders or furniture, which is great - overall way better than sniper’s hood.

Judging by his voice lines, I believe that König has a rather problematic personality. Now, first and foremost - booming rage; he’s a ticking bomb, all the work stress bottles up inside of him little by little, and one wrong word in a slightly provocative situation can cause a violent explosion. König’s rage is terrifying, everybody knows that. He rarely gets physical, at base that is. But oh boy, his words hurt worse than any punches - he shouts insults and profanities, some of them may be pretty personal. The number of new recruits this mean Colonel made cry like little babies is almost shameful😥

König tends to blow off most of his steam during missions, killing and beating the shit of of enemy soldiers; during these moments he resembles a bloodthirsty animal rather than a human, driven by pure instincts and getting off the adrenaline high.

Now, second personality trait of his I would like to talk about is envy. König is very envious. He envies people with higher position, people with better skills (even though these are rare ones), people with happy and loving families, people with knowledge more profound than his. And, surprisingly, this envy does him more good than bad, adding fuel to the fire, making König push past his limits, achieving new and new heights. Due to his envy König climbed up to the post of Colonel, acquired such amazing skills, got a respectable reputation around other soldiers.

Outside the work I think he’s a pretty chill guy - doesn’t care much about family dramas, pretty much clueless about internet trends. He has a small circle of people he trusts - two or three people max, and he just chills with them, going with the flow and living his life. And for some reason König gives me vibes of this one extremely adequate reasonable guy in a company, yk? He can come up with a smart and effective solution to nearly every problem in a matter of minutes, is always reasonable and rational.

[miupow]

⭑𓂃 GETTING STONED W/ TXT .ᐟ ୭ ˚. [ HEADCANONS]

☆〜（ゝ。∂）txt x gn!reader ⋆ cw// drugs/marijuana mentions! sfw, tooth rotting fluff <𝟑 kissing, cuddling, implied established relationships

⤷ what i imagine it's like smoking with the boys . . .

연준 YEONJUN

i imagine him high is a lot like him drunk lol

soft, sleepy, cuddly and just the biggest baby whining that he wants kisses now

likes using your lap as a pillow for his head, the type to nuzzle his face in your belly and wrap his arms tight around you-- won't you play with his hair? tell him what an amazingwonderfulhandsome boyfriend he is?

tries very hard not to fall asleep on you but fails every time

pls take care of him :(

finds the other boys annoying when they're high lol but still does it with them because they're his baby brothers and he loves them no matter how much they piss him off <33

cannot smoke without you because he'd spend the entire sesh going "where's my baby?? i wanna see my baby, i miss them so much :(("

수빈 SOOBIN ⭑𓂃

the kind to just stare blankly at the wall for hours

"bin, you okay?" "uh huh..."

probably gets sensory overload easily, don’t have too much going on at once or he’ll get a headache :<

soogyu is my dream blunt rotation im gonna be honest they're so fucking funny they just be sayin shit

high bin says the some of funniest things you've ever heard in your life but he has no idea he's even being funny

"why are you laughing at me??? :(("

gasps when you tell him you love him even though you tell him every day

“REALLY??? I LOVE YOU TOO!!!”

will get into the dumbest arguments, especially with gyu?? “what do you think would happen if you put a werewolf on the moon…” “what the hell is wrong with you??”

“no, dumbass, that’s not even how ufos work. look it up.”

범규 BEOMGYU ⭑𓂃

true delulu headcanon time here but hear me out okay

he's so crazy adhd brain high energy when he's sober but i feel like when he's stoned he's so. chill?

put a movie on or something and he'll be quiet for hours he's just so transfixed by the moving colors and lights

just wants to cuddle with you in silence or like. talk about deep shit

you honestly kind of love it because you'll have conversations about your future and your relationship that gyu wouldn't take seriously sober

he's very upfront and straightforward with his feelings when he's stoned, which is so unlike him

says some corny shit with stars in his eyes like "i wanna spend forever with you" and then regrets it later because he sounded like a dweeb

he's so whipped for you and he can't hide it :<

let him lay on your chest, playing with his long pretty hair, calling him beomie while he looks up at you with hazy, unfocused but so in love eyes

again soogyu = dream blunt rotation gyu is so funny

“do crabs think fish are flying??” type mf i love him very much

태현 TAEHYUN ⭑𓂃

this might be an unpopular opinion but tyun is absolutely the biggest stoner out of the five of them

i feel like he would smoke to relax, not necessarily to get high-- he's on stress overdrive 24/7, especially during comeback season,, he smokes to finally make his brain go quiet for at least a night

big social smoker but also enjoys smoking alone or just with you

i see him the most like his sober self, quiet and content and not really paying much attention to anything

normally you have to fight him to get his picture taken but when he's stoned he'll just let you shove a camera in his face and you love it sm,, "tyunnie!! baby! smile!"

very content with letting you sit on his lap while he zones out, nuzzling his neck-- he loves feeling needed, loves taking care of you

thinks everyone else is very entertaining, just enjoys watching his brothers act like idiots

he's such a bottled up guy, doesn't like to show or talk about how he's feeling ;; but he'll open up easily once you get him loosened up

휴닝카이 HUENING KAI ⭑𓂃

i want to smoke with this boy so bad. it's not even funny.

he's so cuddly and sweet and giggly,,, i lob him,,

he gets too out of it to kiss you so he makes your plushies kiss eachother instead hehe

kiss his freckles :< just give him so many smooches all over his face while he laughs that it tickles

spooning is a need not a want. he'd rest his chin on the top of your head and hold you soso close while you lay on his bed watching a movie ;;

like soobin he probably gets overstimulated easily,, he needs the lights off and he likes when you wear soft/fuzzy clothes,, ur his plushie now :<

will not let you get up for anything at all. will literally follow you to the bathroom and wait outside of the door like a puppy

SOOO much skinship he needs to touch and be touched so badly

goes totally nonverbal when he's stoned. will not say a word for hours

TUMMY RUBS also lays his head on your belly ;;

thinks literally everything is funny. show him a picture of like. a horse and he'd laugh at it

[dipperscavern]

let's talk about warming cregan's cock 😇👫

like you have so keenly established, mf can not sit still. this is the warden of the north we are referring to. the wolf of the north. he is well experienced in battle, a brilliant swordsman and lord of his house. he's used to abstaining during battle and experiencing dire circumstances over patience. surely he'd be able to let his pretty girl warm his cock?

WRONG 🙅‍♀️ someone, please fetch me a comedically large red buzzer to slam. thank you.

he's so restless. your stoic, burly, reserved, and patient man - reduced to ragged breaths and gritting his teeth because he can't sit still. here sits his pretty girl, batting her lashes at him, "cregan, can i please?" and it starts out well enough.

but you're so warm. so sweet. maybe he should be working on something - battle plans or lordy duties that define his bloodline. cregan's got an active mind, ever analyzing and preparing. he's hyperaware of everything in that moment - the way you slightly move your hips, wriggling in his lap. when he makes a comment about it, you just pout, telling him you were "adjusting." 🙄 yeah girl okay you just wanted to feel the godly girth 3000

the way you softly sigh admist the quiet chamber. maybe you do something as simple as sneeze - but when you do, you clench around cregan. and he's losing his shitttt.

can someone please find the meme of the guy sitting at a desk with his blood vessels about to burst as he's sweating? because that is our lord stark.

he tries breathing through it, for your sake. i imagine you would be the one to propose it, for whatever desire and circumstance brought you to the moment. cregan is trying :(( it's just so hard. like him, TEHE. all he wants to do is flip you over and ravage you. just leave little bites and nicks along his pretty girl's flesh :((

this is torture for him.

- 🔄❄️

reverse. elsa. anon. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? BED EMPTY, NO NOTE, WINTER GONE.

okay but seriously i am so so so sorry you got lost in my inbox. please i beg of you, come back!! the ponderer has returned, and we miss u!! REVERSE ELSA ANON IF U CSN HEAR US PLEASE SAVE US i call out to the winds. if you return, you shall never be lost again. this i swear to you 💔✊

ANYWAYS. CREGAN STARK COCKWARMING. here’s your buzzer m’dear 🚨 when you suggest the idea, cregan is a bit perplexed. you don’t want him to make you cum as many times as you want? but you bat your lashes and ask so sweetly, and you don’t ask for much. plus, cregan is a warrior. a hardened, battle surviving lord — he can stay still for his pretty wife.

or so he thinks.

because once you sink down on him, his grip on your hips is like iron. you’re warm and wet and so inviting, and you don’t want cregan to move? gods have mercy. cregan is usually pretty held together, but his breathing turns all ragged and his gaze is glued to where his [REDACTED] meets your [CONTENT DELETED]. and even worse, you’re relishing in his loss of self control.

even so, he tries to be so good for you.

it gets easier over time, and when cregan feels you relax and sigh against him, he thinks it’s not so bad after all. cregan is in control, and things are okay. until a few minutes later, you sneeze. you clench around him, and he grits his teeth, lax grip on your hips tightening once more as he fights the urge to move.

“This is torture,” he breathes, trying with all his might to stay still for you :( <3

[starslyt]

𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲 — 𝗘. 𝗬𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲!𝗘𝗿𝗲𝗻, 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝗽𝗶𝗲𝘀, 𝗽𝗲𝘁 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘀 (𝗺𝗮, 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗲𝘁𝗰), 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵. 𝗜𝘁𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝘁𝗮𝗺𝗲

𝗪𝗰: 𝟵𝟲𝟲

smut under the cut. minors do not interact

the love was strong— too strong and too good to be fucking true. eren was your home and you were his but a night out turned this reality upside down real fast

in your defense, it wasn’t even your fault that some other nigga walked up to you trynna sweet talk you, you wasn’t really thinking straight anyways— not after mixing liquor

“you mad fine..” “yeah? you think so?” those pretty two tones lips wrapping around that glass of yours eyeing the mf infront of you

even through the giggles and soft smiles you made for the nigga, you ain’t want him. it just felt nice to hear from a 3rd person perspective to hear how sexy you were

but Eren didn’t find it enjoyable. watching his girl fall for some other dudes tricks like that and that easily. he’d let you have your little fun or whatever, but when y’all got home it was gonna be game fucking over for you

that’s why now your legs were wrapped around his hips as eren messily kissed those full lips of yours. thrusting his cock in your wet cunt and as you moaned for him trying to convince him it wasn’t nothing

“’m sorry daddy— please.. shit—” you scratched up his chest as your pretty lips fell open locking eyes with his. they were so cloudy with anger and jealousy

“you think he was gon’ fuck you like this, ma? you though you was gon’ get off with that shit? don’t play with me, girl.”

a ring of cream settling at his base and some dripping down his balls as he pounded into your messy cunt with pants and whines of his own as he punished that pussy for your wrong-doings

“this pussy s’good mama, yeah keep them legs open f’me. lemme show you who you belong to.”

Eren spoke against those lips of yours as his nails dug into your thighs leaving marks. he was too inlove with this pussy to ever let it go, under some circumstances and standards.

“ouu daddy s’too much..” your lips gently biting into his. eren eyes never left your face, them faces is what had him so inlove. that magic he saw in them eyes of yours when you were screaming for more or, in this case, less

“nah, baby, take this dick. you a big girl now mama, you can do it. make daddy proud.”

Eren huffed as he stroked that swollen clit of yours trying to milk that orgasm out of you. your hands gripped the sheets hard as your back arched off the bed with a breath you sucked up to moan out coming to a halt, quickly.

“yeah there it is, sweet girl. cum f’me, gimmie that shit”

the roughness of his voice went straight to your pussy as you squirted. your liquids spraying his chest as he let out a soft sigh as he watched that pussy cream and squirt all for him

“keep going, girl. you makin’ me so proud. look at this pussy squirting f’me. this pussy s’good. i don’t know who you think you playin’ with.”

Eren pounded into you harder with a grin on this face was he watched those pretty brown eyes of yours roll back and that brown skin glistening in the light as you squirmed and moaned

“who you think you runnin’ from, ma? you finna gimme one more. don’t start runnin’ now. keep this pussy cummin’ f’me. you wanna act grown so bad be grown wi’me”

all you could do was choke back a complaint and some slick-mouthed comment but as soon as the annoyance rised it was quickly consumed by the pleasure from feeling his fat cock pumping out of those squeezing walls of yours

“fuck— you squeezin’ so tight. you gon’ make me cum, princess? make daddy cum. lemme fill this pretty pussy up with my babies. open up f’me..”

Eren’s hands squeezed around your waist as he piston fucked his way deeper inside you making your vision flash white and a loud moan escape your throat

you’d both get a complaint from the neighbors, but that was the least of your worries right now

Eren’s nimble fingers trailing down your your clit once more pulling and rubbing it trying to milk out another orgasm from you as his orgasm was quickly approaching

“you gon let me fill this pussy up?” “yeah.. please daddy.. ouu shit fill this pussy up. s’all yours” your toes were curling behind his head, those thighs that he loved so much started to shake as his orgasm was just a few thrusts away

“cum wi’me. c’mon mama, i can feel this pussy getting wetter, make a mess f’daddy again.”

“yes daddy.. oh my g— m’cumming! m’cumming! oh shit—”

once more your pussy was gushing for him again with a scream ripping out of your throat as he fucked his own orgasm into you, his thrusts becoming sloppy and uneven as his eyebrows knitted together and his eyes closed

those puffy lips of yours swallowing every drop of him in that pussy as he slowed his thrusts down so both of you could catch your breaths.

“yeah that’s my good girl, shiiit baby. such a good job. lemme fuck a baby into you. i think you’d be so pretty with my babies in you. ain’t nobody finna take yo pretty ass away from me.”

he panted as his thrusts picked up again as a whine came out of your throat it didn’t seem like you two were gonna stop for a while, not until he got you pregnant with his baby.

[tryingtofindava]

Can you do Ben, Jeff, Masky, and hoodie with a Mean child reader like there very easy to anger and stufff?

𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐰 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧*ೃ༄

(Includes: Jeff, BEN, Masky, Hoodie.)

: ̗̀➛Back to source

╰┈➤ 𝐉𝐞𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

He tried, he really did.

Sally was a sweet kid, right? You wouldn’t be any different…

Oh.

Oh how wrong he was.

“Hey-“

“Get your Heath Ledger Joker lookin’ ass the fuck away from me.”

“Listen here, you little shi-“

You throw fire at him… he’ll throw fire right back (no bcs he will acc try and set you on fire…)

You guys have beef, and no one will ever understand the dynamic between the two of you. (srsly they don’t get why you two don’t get along.)

They only thing you two have in common is anger issues.

╰┈➤ 𝐁𝐄𝐍 𝐃𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐞𝐝

He finds you funny asf.

How couldn’t he? Watching you roasting the absolute shit outta literally everyone and everything you come into contact with?

That’s automatically hilarious.

That changes the second it’s aimed at him tho.

“You’re just a snotty iPad kid.”

“Says you.”

You guys gotta sibling dynamic going on.

He likes showing you games he has on his phone!! It’s entertaining watching you play them.

Queue the amazing digital circus end theme song as he watches you beat the ever loving shit outta Kick the buddy.

╰┈➤ 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐲

Tim probs has no problem w you!

He stays out of your way, you stay out of his. It’s a unspoken rule you guys have set up…

But when Masky’s fronting?

Hm.

It gets VERY interesting.

Anger VS Angrier??? You may as well just get into a boxing match.

He speaks to you in a condescending tone, no matter the occasion. Acts like you know nothing about everything.

He thinks your the reincarnation of an aggressive little Chihuahua.

The whole system you have with Tim? It’s nonexistent w this mf.

“Get out my way, kid.”

“Nuh uh, you get out mine!”

He’s got no patience with you.

╰┈➤ 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞

He and Brian act very similar in some ways, especially when it comes to you.

He’s pretty laid back (most of the time) and everything is naturally underwhelming for him.

He knows your a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode in everyone’s faces.

So why not put that to his advantage for entertainment?

“You’re like 4, you don’t get a say in this.”

“Listen here, you bald bastard-“

You probs call him bald a lot bcs his mask makes him look like a baldie.

Just like Masky, he’ll act very condescending and act like you know little to nothing.

But, he only does it to get a rise out of you, he doesn’t mean it. (Again… half the time)

OMG HE PROBABLY HAS ONE OF THOSE KID HARNESSES FOR YOU

[sh1-n0bu]

♡︎ 𝙛𝙤𝙘𝙪𝙨 ♡︎

anon asked: babes can i pls request sub!albedo? just teasing him and making him unable to do his work lives in my head rent free

characters: sub!albedo x nb!dom!reader

warnings: handjob, fingering, degrading and praising mixed together lol, rough sex, dacryphillia, edging, dumbification, size kink, exhibitionism (i forgot the word for it and had to search it on google), reader is completely nb so the cock part can be interpreted as a strap on!!

notes: this was actually meant to be posted like 2 days ago i think??? but i caught a cold and had sudden exams coming up while still having a fever lmao. also here have this 1.8k words of smut bc i re edited it and made it longer after seeing a bunch of mf sub reader on my tumblr fyp. tumblr give me dom reader on my fyp bc this is my revenge

you can flag it as mature all you want you coward tumblr but i ALWAYS COME BACK

the chief alchemist, kreideprinz, mondstadt genius, captain of the investigation team of the knights of favonius - albedo has many names however his most favorite, as lewd as it may be, would be [name]’s pretty cockslut.

the blond always liked that nickname. it slipped out of your mouth once accidentally during an incredibly messy sex between you two and since then it has been stuck in the alchemist’s mind like a dog on a leash. and now was no exception.

it was just a simple day in mondstadt. the chief alchemist being cuddled in his office in kof headquarters while sitting on the lap of his lover, scribbling away at on his notebook of his latest experiment and the results with furrowed eyebrows - trying to stay focused but always failing and ending up thinking of that one goddamn word.

it was just a slip of the tongue, an accident from his lover during a heated session. his darling apologized afterwards of course but the alchemist just can’t help his mind lingering on that single word. breathing starting to get heavier, doughy thighs rubbing together with his ears flushed - trying to refocus on his work before failing miserably with a groan.

upon hearing his distressed noise, you let out a confused hum. rubbing small circles into his waist to help him destress - where your arms are wrapped around - you left a small peck onto the back of his neck with a low mumble of what’s wrong.

“nothing my love. i just… can’t seem to focus on my work” he answered back. his other hand coming up to pat you on the head - ruffling your hair a bit in the process - while also hoping that you wouldn’t notice him getting hard. archons he was a mess. getting aroused by just the thought of a simple word? how pathetic.

unfortunately for the alchemist, you noticed. glancing down at his thighs clenched closely together, making the small bulge in his shorts almost unnoticeable if you were to simply glance over. almost.

“oh? what’s this? is my pretty prince getting hard over a simple act as cuddling?” moving your hands to hold his waist, you ground him down on your crotch making the blond gasp. hands flying up to cover his mouth with a frantic nerve yet also lust swimming in his eyes, albedo looked back at you as if asking you what you’re thinking with a faux glare.

“focus on your work darling. don’t you dare stop writing” letting out a low groan next to his ear, your hand guided his dominant one to grab his pen once more. after hearing him curse lowly with his fingers wrapped around the ink filled pen, you slipped your other hand past the waistbands of his shorts.

jolting when your finger touched the tip of his already hard cock, albedo felt his face burning up more, hands twitching, making a mistake on his experiment report. you let out a chuckle at that. sweet chalk prince making a mistake on his reports? an unusual thing indeed.

rubbing the precum oozing out of the slit of his already hardened cock, you heard him muffle his groan but still continuing to write his work. pulling away from his weeping dick, you heard albedo let out a disappointed whine before letting out a loud gasp, bucking his hips when your lubed up hand grabbed ahold of his hardened cock once more.

“mmfgh! [n-name], my lo-oohh… my aammh f-fuck! let me wo-oRKK MFFGH!!” bucking his hips to try and keep up with the thrusts of your hand, albedo threw his head back to rest on your shoulder. eyes screwed shut, hand clenching around his pen in a vice grip while panting and whining - archons your prince was so pretty.

“focus ‘bedo. wouldn’t want your work to be forgotten right?” sucking a dark hickey into his neck, your hand jerked him off at a faster pace. he let out a loud whine at that. shaking knees closing up as if trying to get you to stop so he can just focus but his bucking hips was telling you the truth of him wanting to chase after his approaching high.

letting out a delicious sob, the chief alchemist bent over the table. twitching and shaking as he soon spilled his load on your hand. peeking back at you with a shy glance and red cheeks, albedo reached one hand back, tugging on your pants frantically as if asking for his most favorite treat.

getting his hint you stood up, pushing the alchemist to lay on his stomach on the desk while taking off his shorts and lowering your pants and undergarments’ waistband.

“oh? have you become a cockslut for me my pretty prince? not wearing any underwear under your usual stockings now hmm?” tearing a small hole over his cute pink rim, you heard the man in question let out a loud whimper at that.

“getting desperate for me, my pretty slut?” albedo shook his head timidly. biting down on his lips in a desperate way to stop himself from moaning when hearing you call him such a lecherous name. it was so wrong, he knew that but it just turned him on even more! making his cock twitch and knees buckle as if being called something like that was something he was used to.

using his cum as a make shift lube, you pushed a finger into his cute pink hole - hearing him whine at the feeling of your finger filling him up so deliciously, so easily. after wiggling your fingers for a while you felt his walls start to loosen - a sign that he was starting to relax and get used to the feeling - before adding one more finger. scissoring him open while hearing his adorable high pitched whimpers is always a nice way to de-stress. loosening him more and more, you felt around his tight muscle, searching for that one spongy spot that makes his pretty blue eyes roll to the back of his skull as he lets out a surprised shrieks of pleasure. ah! found it.

abusing his prostate with your fingers as you hear him let out cute, almost girlish, breathy moans was the best thing you could ask for. he always reacts so adorably - pushing his hips back into your hand with a fervor want, knees buckling under him as his bare hands scratch against the desk with some hope of grounding his mushy mind.

“aah mmfgh awWHH~!! [n-name]~ don’t… don’t tea-aammfg!! tease me!♡︎♡︎” letting out another squeal, albedo turned his face around to look at you. hair messy with sweat clinging to his forehead, cheeks a shiny red of hue and eyes hazy with lust. archons he looks fucking delicious.

pushing him to lay on the desk again you pulled out your fingers - making him whine at the sudden emptiness as his loosened rim clenches and unclenches around empty air - before he let out a loud sob at the feeling of your tip pushing inside his loose hole. looking down at the mess of a genius you made, a smirk slipped on your face as an idea popped up.

“hey ‘bedo. what type of mixture is blood?” stopping after only slipping the tip of your cock in you stopped to ask him a question. he let out a confused noise before stuttering out “a h-heterogeneous mixtur-EEP!♡︎” as you slipped your cock halfway in. archons you were only fucking halfway in and yet he could already feel your cock bumping into all the perfect spots inside him. he’s just so sure that if he were to slip his hand down to his tummy he would feel a bulge. one that is caused by you!

“then if you were to mix acetic acid and water what would you get?” fuck were you being serious right now? albedo just wants to be fucked silly by you and not think of something so useless dammit!

“… vinegar” letting out a huff, he replied back. tone becoming annoyed and sarcastic before he let out a sharp gasp, clawing at the edge of the desk tightly when you shoved the rest of your dick inside him, the tip of your cock kissing his prostate so fucking nicely.

“good job. so if i were to mix up potassium nitrate, sulfur and carbon what would i get hmm?” letting out a stuttered curse under his breath to try and get his bearings back together to answer your question, albedo inhaled sharply before giving you your answer.

“f-fuck… it’s aamff… g-gunpowder mmngg!! p-please? please? [name] just fuck me already~ ple-ase!! i’ll be so good! pleA-GYAANH!!♡︎” letting out a shriek, the genius held on tightly to the edge of the desk. knees giving away from under him, leaving him to lean his body limply on his office desk as you grip his waist - slamming into his prostate with a groan over and over - using him as if he was a your personal cocksleeve, which he sure was turning into by now.

the room turned hotter, his breath being cut short by his own whiny sobs, tears rolling down his cheeks as a thin line of saliva ran down his jaw with pretty heart shaped pupils rolling to the back of his skull. he was completely spent. head dizzy and mushy, his sensitive spot being abused by you so easily as he tries to cling on to the small thread of his mind but failing in the process.

“a-aangh… albedo… what is f-fuck! the compound of water?” leaning your full body weight on his shaking body, you pistoned your hips to slam into his at a faster pace - feeling him tighten around you more and more, getting closer to cumming again. he couldn’t respond this time, only garbled whines and unintelligible sobs being your answer. letting out a sigh of disappointment you stopped moving, cock halfway pulled out as he whimpered loudly. trashing his trembling legs under the desk as a protest, trying and failing miserably to push his hips back to you.

after a while of a sex drunk protest, he seemed to gain a small sense of mind, whispering out “h-hydrogen and oxyge-ene…” in an almost unnoticeable small voice. hmm, perhaps he deserves his reward.

continuing to thrust into his spongy sensitive spot, you heard him let out a tired whimper - completely drained by your teasing and edging - letting out a long drawn sob of what seems to be your name, the alchemist came over his desk soon followed by your warm seeds filling him up. shaking legs failing to keep him up as he leaned against you for support as he felt you holding his waist close to yourself, flopping back down on the chair of his office while cuddling him close, uncaring that anyone could easily walk into his office at the moment.

[l3v1s-g4m3r]

lmao I might make like a series but it’s just different aus where you know the brothers prior to being kidnapped/sent to the devildom

it’s mammon this time !!

so you open your email to a free iphone scam. you delete it and go on with your day. the next day you get another one. you delete it and go on with your day. this happens for a week straight before you eventually add the number on the scam email to tell this idiot off. you say, as I quote;

“bitch stop fucking sending me scam emails 😐”

he replies and somehow HES the mad one now. you two argue for like 10 minutes straight because, gosh, he just can’t accept that he’s wrong??

the argument dies down and you both go back to your day. that is until you get another scam ad the next day.

“ok you rat bastard what’s your address I’m finna pull up rn one of us dying today and it ain’t gonna be me”

he.. actually sends you coordinates??? there’s no way this mf will just give away his address, so you put the coordinates in google.

it shows your house.

“WHAT THE FUCK HOW DO YOU KNOW MY ADDRESS 😭”

he doesn’t say how or even WHY he has your address on hand, but he decides to fucking blackmail you to help him make money.

you agree because you don’t want some random sixty year old man to come to your house because you didn’t help him make money.

he tells you his name is mammon, and yeah serves him right because he IS a demon for blackmailing you.

you try to do the iphone scam like him, doesn’t work. you try the “you have a virus” scam, it doesn’t work.

so you have to take great lengths.

you become a discord e-kitten. and it surprisingly works really well, all you have to do is claim you’re a minor and send pics of your feet. then send the money to mammon.

and you’re not scamming people while doing it so all is good!

as much as it is a surprise, you and mammon become pretty good friends. I mean, you are basically the ONLY source of money he has, and a pretty good one at that. you even call him boss!

when you’ve made him about $1000 (or 50,000 grim if you transfer it), you both decide to show each other your faces and he’s actually a cutie bro?? like what?? you expected a sixty year old man blackmailing you but he’s a hot guy in his 20s??

one day while you were preparing to get on discord to continue e-kittening, you get sucked into a random portal. and fall straight on your face. right infront of a bunch of hot men. just great.

when the cute redhead explains your situation, you’re not too worried. might aswell get used to being here, since it’s gonna be your home when you’re dead!

the raven haired fellow gives you you’re “phone” for when you’re down here and tell you to call mammon.

wait, mammon?! boss?!

you look at the profile picture and surely that’s him, I guess you saying he was a demon for blackmailing you was the weird truth. why else would he be here?

you click the call button.

“oi, what’s the big idea-“

“HI BOSS!”

“wha- WIMP?! WHY ARE YA CALLIN’ ME ON A RANDOM NUMBER?!”

“so um, long story short, I’m in hell and this black haired guy told me to call you. I think his name was lucifer??”

“no way… YOURE THE EXCHANGE STUDENT?! THIS IS A PRETTY NICE DAY AFTER ALL! COMIN’ THERE NOW!”

everybody else in the room is confused why you called mammon “boss” and why he was so buddy-buddy with you, considering he doesn’t do that with strangers, especially HUMANS.

mammon would’ve been annoyed he had to babysit some human, but he has no problem with it because he’s making money and he’s with his wimp 💕💕.

[mumifyy]

First request! But could you make a Vox x reader that has Anxiety? :3 Thank you!!

A/N: as a person with severe anxiety, I love this idea 🫶 / First request omg?? 😭

Tw: Anxiety, Overthinking, panic attack, Violence, Valentino (Bros his own warning 😒 I hate that mf sm), Sexual harassment, not proofread.

————

“I love you.” Vox x Reader

Part 2 💝

You hummed, Looking through the books on the bookshelf of the hellish library. The shelf’s laced with dust from the lack of interaction. Soon, a book caught your keen eye.

“Overlords for Dummies.” You raised a brow, deciding to open it and scan through the small letters printed into the frail yellow stained paper. Your eyes darted through the length of the page before coming across your Boyfriends name. Your eyes locked onto the word, a soft smile curling onto your delicate lips as you thought of you lover before returning to reading the book. Eventually, you got bored of the book and decided to put it back along with the other dusty and unused books. Deeming the information useless as you already knew all of it. Walking out of the library and opening the doors to see the all too familiar red sky of hell, You wondered what heaven looked like, not that you really cared you were just curious. You walked down the sidewalk peacefully, ignorant demons walking down on the opposite way or the way you were going, all annoyed or picking a fight with eachother which you were used to. Finally, you reached halfway to the VVV tower, your secret home as Vox didn’t want anyone knowing about y oh relationship just yet, worried that it would only put you in danger. And Alastor of course. You walked into the doors of the famous tower only to be met with Valentino. The lust overlord, which you didn’t really like, along with the word of Vox, you avoided only to come face to face to him. He stared down at you, a grin forming on his face before he spoke.

“Ah, Who might you be Cari��o? Arnt you just… a pretty little thing.” He spoke in a husky tone, taking your hand and licking it with pink saliva trailing down your small arm as you cringed and looked away uncomfortably. “U-um.” You stuttered, unable to come up with an answer. “Are you looking for work baby? I could make you a star… both of us richer then well.” He slurred with lust in his eyes as you quickly snapped out of your trance and pulled your arm away from him, gulping at the overlords now annoyed expression before he harshly grabbed you face and tried pulling you in for a kiss, licking his lips in anticipation before you pushed him away, tears brimming at your waterline before you darted away, running in whatever direction he wasn’t going.

*You heaved for air, tears already have been spilling from your eyes violently when you were running before. Your back slid on the wall when you sat down, dragging your knees to your chest in your crying state. You began to sob more violently, overthinking that Vox was deem you as a cheater and throw you away for being touched by another man, especially his friend! Or atleast that’s what you thought they were. You didn’t care. “Fuck! No no! I can’t loose him.. what if he hates me?” You gasped for air clutching your chest as your lungs gave out. You coughed and choked on your own tears. “Please no” you chanted out. “I don’t want him to leave me, no please. I don’t want to be left alone. What if he saw? What if I’m in the wrong?” Your eyes began to get blurry to more you cried, as if they weren’t producing tears to flood an entire canyon. Your head felt fuzzy, a headache forming already before you passed out from the lack of oxygen.

You gasped awake, sitting up instantly, your hand flying up to your aching head. Wait where are you? You looked around, noticing you were no longer in the alleyway you were in before. Wait what happened..? Before you could think, someone hugged you tightly. “Oh fuck! Your awake I’m so fucking glad! Are you alright sweetheart? My love? Darling? How are you feeling? Are you hurt anywhere?” You recognized the familiar voice to be Vox, your Boyfriend. “Vox..?” He was nuzzled into your neck before looking up at you with what looked like to be tears. “Yes my love?” He asked with a small sniffle. “What happened?” Vox looked at you before answering. “I don’t know, I was in my office before I saw you on the cameras running while crying so I went to go find you. I’ve been meaning.. to ask who hurt you?” He questioned, his expression still worried but the look in his eyes made you shiver, you knew he was pissed on the inside. “I-..” you stuttered over your words, you didn’t want to ruin Valentino’s relationship with Vox, especially since there were sort of friends in their own way. “Darling please… I won’t be mad I promise my sweet girl.” He comforted you calmly. No.. your acting selfish, but what if your right? Wait what if your wrong and he leaves you? The voices tore you apart. Your thoughts getting more intense as you overthought more about the outcome of your next move. Before you could think about it anymore Bix noticed something on your arm, your sleeves was rolled up with left over salvia from hours before when Valentino licked you. You looked down at Vox as he gently took your wrist in his clawed hand, the look on his digital face changed, now into more violent expression, it scared you. “V-Vox it’s no-“ he cut you off. “I know Baby. Was this Valentinos doing? Did he t-t-t-touch y-y-you?” He glitched. That was not a good sign. “I’m sorry Vox! I didn’t mean to run into him he grabbed me before I could walk away I was just trying to get back into our room I’m sorry please don’t leave me I didn’t know he was the-“ Once again, Vox cut you off with a kiss on your forehead. “Sweetheart. This is not your fault okay? Stop worrying and get some sleep my sweet girl.” You looked at him, hugging him before he later you back down and covered you with a blanket and his jacket to comfort you further before he gave you one final kiss on your nose before walking away, rolling up his sleeves as he did so. You closed you eyes and feel asleep quickly as your woke up, not seeing how deathly angry Vox had became.

“Cut, cut, cut! What the fuck was that?!” Valentino yelled at the “star”. The worker babbling excused before the door burst open, almost blowing the door off its hinges with a furious Vox glaring deathly at Valentino.

Vox glitched violently as he intently glared at Valentino, Valentino’s face turning a bit pale.

“M̵̡͊͊̃̐͗̄Y̴̼͖̣͋ ̸̨͕̦͙̝͙̣̎͂́͛͘̕F̶̢̱͎̭̙͑͋͊-̴̡̧͖̤̠̘̹̀̒̾̋)̸̘͗͛̍̀̚$̸̧͕̘͕͓̪͑̎͆͑͊͜—̴͖̩̟̫͐̂͆͆̕͘Ǘ̶͇̅͛͐̾̍͒͌̏̏͜ͅU̵͇̩̭̥͍̘͈͗̋͗̌̌̐͠ͅŲ̴͖̘̞̼̬̣͔̺̾!̴͓̼̦̟̺͔͇͙̔̐̔͒̍͌́̎̚͝’̶̛͉̰̭͖̝̈͊̎͐n̶̡̨̛͎̹̯̱̕C̸͈̳̆̒̇K̴͕̺̦̎͊̑Ì̴͈̱̘̹̣̜̍̏̔͐̆̀̕͘N̸̗͎̄̅̓̀͘C̸͎͊̂ ̵̘̫̙̥͉̑͂̔̌͌̀͐͌Ǫ̴̥̖͈̯̂̐̈́̕-̷̹̺͑̄͊̒̔̕F̶̙͙̫̭̰̼͈̘̳͕̀͐̚F̶͈͍̟̦̤͓̞̗͛͑͐͋̐͆̅̽̚͘ͅ$̶̬̥͉̋̓̍̈͆̄̀͠ͅ)̷̛͉͓͉̀̔͒̉̍̅$̶̭̣̲̥̫̓̌̓̋—̵͓̗̬͋̓̒̚C̶̨͍̟͉̳̠̹̀͒̽͜͠͝ͅĘ̵͓̌̀̅̊̇ ̴̟̌̿́́͊͘N̴͙̖̳͋͑̾̈̈́̈́̈̀͗Ő̸̗̅͊̊̅̈͌͠6̷̡̧̩͙̳̂̍͆–̸̧͈͇̬̣̯̭̖̀̋̀̊̋̋̀̐͐ͅ7̷̪̦͋W̴̨͔̟͂̈́̈́̏̀̓̀͂͑͠.”

(“My fucking office now”)

…

“shit.”

[rotten-corpses-blog]

NSFW Jason Dean head cannons

I spent too long on this. SMUT a head fellas

Oh lord this man

He’s horny 24/7. It would be concerning if he wasn’t so hot.

King of public sex right here, when he wants it he wants it and doesn’t care if you skip the entirety of your math class that day, he’ll do it again, don't test him.

1000% obsessed with you, you don’t even have to do anything to get him going; if you just exist around him for 2 minutes he has a raging boner.

He is a hard dom for sure, no questions about it. He has no chill at all.

His pace is rough and fast most of the time, unless you request otherwise.

He’s a panty snatcher, you’ll wonder where your underwear are going most of the time and why you can’t find a pair after he comes over.

And he LOVES buying you new underwear (that he can steal back) this mf prob has some kind of rewards program for Victoria's secret. (no shame)

Has bondage gear, it’s hidden somewhere under his bed.

That strip crockett scene? Imagine that but almost every night and everywhere in your house he knows y’all won’t get caught.

It’s a miracle that if you have the parts, you aren’t pregnant. So many scares tho.

He loves cumming inside, no condom. If you aren’t comfortable with that he’ll cum on your face.

I honestly think he likes giving oral, he’s so obsessed with you that he loves the feeling that he can give you.

Don’t get me wrong, he loves blowjobs. He loves them so much that you better hope you have a good gag reflex.

He’ll get pouty if he doesn’t get attention, he gets over it pretty quickly tho and materbates very loudly where you can hear him.

He has no shame about sex, like at all. He doesn’t care who hears or sees. (he’ll kill them later)

He loves your ass, no matter how big or small. Fucks you doggystyle to see it jiggle.

He just likes your body in general; your god/goddess in his eyes and he honestly feels that you were made for him.

He may be a perv, but he’s respectful. No means no and he knows and respects that. 

Jason Dean is the horniest bastard (and proud perv) but you love each other and that’s all that matters.

[sanjisblackasswife]

OP Men With a Girlfriend with a Fat Ass. (Black Fem! Reader)

Ft. Monster Trio, Kid, Law, Ace, & Shanks

A/N: Yeah boobs are great…but nobody talks about anime dudes loving ass like commonnnnnnnnn. + I think women in OP don’t have big butts. Like…they have the tits sure and Ik they have A FORM of a butt but like…they ain’t got a fat asssssss

CW: A whole lotta nonsense.

Luffy

You are the sole reason he is a butt guy rather than a boob guy

He likes having you walk in front of him for obvious reasons

He doesn’t realize how much he stares though it’s kinda just subconsciously a thing he does with no shame behind it

Your butt has a literal mind of its own when you walk and it’s just mesmerizing to him

He never touches it though

On purpose

When Luffy hugs you he mostly enjoys wrapping his arms around your hips and thighs and lowers himself to pretty much hug your butt with his face

You remember when Luffy had to hide under Boa’s coat and his body was wrapped around her body—-yeah like that that’s how he hugs you from behind

It’s so soft pls let him bite it.

There was a few times you caught him staring and he’d laugh it off scratching the back of his head before you almost scold him for not paying attention as you talked

If you both are sexual in your relationship your ass is something he holds dear when sleeping with you.

Luffy grinds on ur soft and plush butt while you both are sleeping, at first you couldn’t sleep because of this but you’ve somehow gotten used to his erratic thrust against your ass

When you lay on your stomach and watches you shift just to see your butt jiggle

He’s so amazed on how it still moves even after you stopped shifting

All in all Luffy loves dat ass.

Zoro

Ass eater fasho

Look at him.

Booty Hunter Zoro

He loves the booty more than anything else on you.

He was actually shocked on how fat your ass really was when you stood naked in front of him the first time KSHSSHS

You always wore jeans and they were so so tight (still looked good in them though) he just didn’t register HOW BIG your butt really was

“Fuck, you have a fat ass, babe.”

HE SLAPS IT SO HARD

And he SLAPS IT ALOT so be prepared

He doesn’t care either how much it hurts he loves watching it jiggle afterwards

Like sir excuse me you left a mark

Absolutely sleeps on it when you both nap.

Zoro is another one that just stares at you when you walk across the ship

Lord help you if you wear a sun dress

You have almost all thongs so when you wear looser clothing your butt is free to move how it likes

Makes you do mostly leg workouts to watch you squat

Swears you’re doing it wrong just to be behind you when you do it

“No, Y/N you have to go lower like this.”

“Get Ya dick Off me!”

He does ask you such stupid ass questions about it though

“So it’s not heavy when you fight?”

“Zoro what the hell are you talking about.”

“All of…that you’re carrying behind there.”

Mf…

Sitting on his face or eating it from the back once is a must if you want to use his mouth

“Imma suffocate you.”

“It’s okay i can hold my breath really long.”

Zoro is a Ass man and you just made it worse so congratulations

Kid

Same as Zoro. Eats dat ass for breakfast, lunch, and dindin

He enjoys watching you put on pants

“Something you need?”

“Just enjoying the show.”

He thinks your butt is nothing but temptation and something to distract him

Blames you for it completely because how dare you.

“PUT THAT AWAY!”

“WHAT?!”

“THAT BUTT OF YOURS I CANT FOCUS WITH IS SHAKING IN MY FACE ALL DAY—“

“HELLO—?!”

He has caught Killer watching. Killer tries to say he wouldn’t know because of his mask, but he know he’s looking right at your butt sway back and fourth

He uses it as a stress ball sometimes KSBSJSKS

Actually compares your butt with his

“Mine is bigger.”

“You mean flatter.”

“I hate you.”

Sanji

Definition of “Don’t know what to do with all that ass.”

When he first met you he of course adorned your beauty. Granted you always worn baggier clothing than the rest of the girls on the ship, since you were a bit heavier and insecure Sanji didn’t give af about that anyways he still liked you, but after the 2 years you loss some weight and gained the strength and confidence you always deserved and finally started to wear more revealing clothing and which revealed your true shape.

“Y/N-Y/N SAN YOUR BODY IS—-YOUR BUTT IS SO—“

Bleeding on sight. You were wearing some cut shorts with a tied shirt and the shorts cupped your round butt so beautifully.

Crush him with your thighs and butt pls

When you walk you tend to sway your hips a lot making your butt move and it catches his attention so fast all he wants to do is rub it :((

He gets hard a lot when you wear bikinis

NEEDS a reason to touch your lower half at least once a day or he’ll combust.

“Would you like me to rub sun screen on you, my princess?”

His lotioned hands always tease around your smooth fatty cheeks when he massages you

Speaking of massages he gives you one every night and that either leaves him a horny mess or fucking into you from the back

You shook your ass on him once while dancing and he just COULD NOT handle what he seen and bled on you

“Please do me the honor of sitting on my face.”

Okay so…there was this one time Sanji fucked you in the kitchen and he asked if he could try something knew and you said okay, he bent you over and poured honey on your ass and licked it up.

You were shocked and turned on all at once.

When you wear skirts you’re such a damn tease to him the way the back of it always ends up shorter than the front and it always hits the bottom of your cheeks so beautifully

VERY PROTECTIVE BTW

Immediately kicks around mfs that say anything derogatory about your shape

“She has to be a slut with a body like t—-“

One to the head now you know he dead

Yeah Sanji and the rest of the OP boys do not play about people talking about your body. It’s theirs for a reason who is anybody allowed to talk crap about it?

Law

He’s more of a thigh man but since you’re natural best believe you have those to match with them two beach balls you got back there

He always under estimates how you look in clothing.

“I don’t think this will fit—“

“It will It’s Just your unifo—-oh.”

Ass is still sitting pretty in a jumper.

Law’s stupid ass tends to read about bodies with larger mass of fat on specific areas and if it’s normal

NOT TO BE MEAN HE LOVES YOUR BODY HE JUST WANNA MAKE SURE YOURE COMFORTABLE AND HEALTHY PLS

He cuddles the butt and if your have stretch marks or cellulite he traces /pokes them with his fingers

“Stop that!”

“Your ass moves even when you talk, fuck..”

Absolutely cannot handle you doing reverse cowgirl

Cumming in minutes you didn’t even properly adjust to his size

He taps or plays with the fat of your thigh when he is in thought. So much so there is a small bruise that formed because he always did it in the same area

Wants you to sit on his face, but embarrassed to ask

DO NOT HOVER OVER HIS FACE HE HATES THAT SIT ON HIM.

You did it and he did the most obnoxious moan inside you

Makes you wear nothing but your panties when you both are alone.

Ace

“Suffocate me with your thighs please I don’t want to be alive anymore.”

He uses your butt as a punching bag sometimes KSHSHSISK

Like you’ll be looking the other way talking to him and he’ll be behind you lightly punching each cheek for his own amusement

He wants you to wear his shorts so bad???

“I can’t fit them.”

“You can—look they stretch!”

He just plays with your butt a lot and like 90% of the time it isn’t even sexual he just loves the fat of your ass sm.

He thinks you look like a mf goddess with how your body moves when you dance

He absolutely loves when you ride him but he does it in front of a mirror so he can watch your wet ass bounce in him.

“Stop Doing that or imma sit on you.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

When he hugs you from behind he tends to dry hump you and sometimes you don’t notice KSHSHSKS

Falls asleep on your ass

Has thought about eating your ass

He just really loves your ass

Shanks

So. Many. Butt jokes.

He was drunk and barged into your room one night to find you laying on your stomach in your panties reading and kissed your ass

“Wha—?”

“I was craving something for my tooth so I kissed your butt…cuz you have such a sweet ass.”

You hate this man sm.

You have to sit on his lap once a day or he’ll pout. Literally pout all day.

Rubs your butt constantly when he is beside you.

Doesn’t give af who is watching because who gone stop him?

Another ass eater

HATES when other men look at your ass.

That’s his ass who tf are they to look and gawk over it?

Would prefer if you wore No panties when you wore skirts

Makes stupid excuse for you to bend over a lot

Absolute menace because he in fact an ass man

You’re actually the first woman he has been with with an ass like yours so when he sees it he sometimes gets flustered you never see it though.

Unlike Law doggy style and reverse cowgirl is the go tos. Your jiggly booty is his new treasure.

Dry humps you sm you swear he’s like a dog in heat.

When you guys go shopping he likes to be in the dressing room with you to watch you struggle to put on pants.

“Baby did you get the right size these feel too small?”

“No.”

“WHY?”

“Cuz look..” -casually pokes the fat that couldn’t get in the pants.- “sexy.”