#don't blame it on the fact that the test is hard if the test conditions are perfect for people to cheat and people WILL cheat

[drysauce]

i fucked up 😌

[space-spring]

I reblogged that post the other day about never finishing video games and it made me stop and think hard about my life and the fact that. oh my god....... I really DO never finish video games........... So I have changed my ways by finishing up Chapter 4 and the ending of Chaos route for Tactics Ogre! Tons of endgame spoilers ahead but here are my bullet-pointed highlights:

My guy Azelstan the pirate! I love him. His whole arc with losing his daughter reminded me a little of Svarog and Hossabara from Triangle Strategy (albeit with substantially more nihilism!), and finding him at the port and then going through the story with the girl he takes under his wing made me die a little inside.

I do really appreciate the fact that even once he joins you he's still a little bit of a mess! I feel like a lot of the characters join Denam out of anger or honor or something else equally passionate, and meanwhile Azelstan's out here going "I've lost everything I love and this is just a decent way to try and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else." He's simply a very sad old man and I love him a lot

This is not a highlight per se but it IS funny: I had to play the whole pirate cove dungeon where you recruit him like three or four times because I kept thinking I had the recruitment conditions fulfilled and then. did not in fact have the recruitment conditions fulfilled. I killed SO many ghosts. I got to the point where I just bought like 30 exorcism arcanas before going in so I could just have anyone regardless of cleric status blast the stilled undead whenever I needed to

AUGHKDHJSHDGHJJS. I am. SO unwell about the Sherri recruitment scene. I cannot express just how much I am unwell about the Sherri recruitment scene. All the Phoraena sisters really are so cool and good and I spontaneously combust whenever they come on screen but this scene is just AUUUUUGH........ It kills me thinking about how long Sherri's been hiding out because she doesn't think anyone will welcome her back and meanwhile her sisters just!!! love her so much!!!!!!!!!! and SHE loves THEM so much!!!!!! it just makes me go woaugh..........

I also just replayed some of the earlier chapters with Cerya and Cistina to test out the endgame rewind feature, and I take back my little chart I made of them a while back where they're arguing over clothes and things. All of the sisters are defined first and foremost by Being Willing To Sacrifice Everything For Each Other and I love them so much about it

And in addition to all the Phoraena sister dynamics, looking at this scene through the perspective of Denam ALSO having a sister who's keeping herself apart because she feels unloved is so. wowowowow

And on that note Denam and Catiua are rotating around in my head 24/7!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really so in love with how far the writers went with their argument and fallout and also insane about the bad ending in this scenario because AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!?!?!?! and also I'm just a sucker for guilt arcs and having to live with mistakes even when it'd be easier not to. Catiua's absolutely insane (affectionate) and I think it's so fun how she changes things around and really comes into her own after this.

Also I really really love that the two of them got to have such a narratively clear conversation about everything that went down!!!!! This is a complete tangent but I sometimes kind of go insane over the fact that in Triangle Strategy we really don't get to see a ton of Roland and Cordelia after they reunite and Whiteholm is retaken. They have. so many things to talk about, and Cordelia has more than a few valid reasons to feel resentment toward Roland for the way he handled retaking Whiteholm. The closest they come to really talking about how they feel is that scene where they're standing in the garden and Roland's trying to explain why he killed Avlora and Cordelia just kinda quietly goes, "I know. I get it. I can't blame you." And while that scene is fun in its own "this bad boy can fit SO many emotionally traumatized Cordelia headcanons in it" sort of way, it's also so so so nice to see Denam and Catiua do the opposite and actually sit down and hash it out for a bit. They get to talk about why they're angry!!! They both get to explain themselves and then reassure each other that they're still loved!!!! They get to be genuinely close again and work as a team!!!!! and I love that for them :)

Also with comparisons to Cordelia, Catiua very distinctly doesn't get sidelined after Denam rescues her!!!! She's an active participant in the war and really takes charge over Denam, which is very neat imo, and I love getting to see her coronation and speech at the end

THIS ATTACK SPECIFICALLY. The whole final boss was so cool but I actually gasped and sat back when I saw this, it was just so so different than any of the other graphics in the game and it made me go nuts

AAAAOAUGH GHAGHG

The credits are really pretty :)

RHCKCHHGLGLRLRLAHHJG I am once again foaming at the mouth about the way the game blends game mechanics and story this is SUCH a fun explanation for how the whole world tarot system works and also I am absolutely gutted by the idea of Denam doing this canonically because he can't stand the regret of the choices he's had to make. I feel like Denam's guilt over the entire conflict isn't explicitly mentioned a ton (he actively makes a lot of comments to the effect of "I'm doing what my honor dictates and I have nothing to be ashamed of") and then every once in a while the game comes back and slaps you with stuff like this. Like hey. hey. yasumi matsuno. can we talk? I jst wantto talkk

Also all the endgame content is SO GOOD. I'm starting to move over to Reborn because I want to experience all the voice acting and stuff over on that version, but it's also so hard to leave my team and all the cool stuff I've unlocked. I need to read up on it more but I'm 90% sure you can recruit Lancelot and Warren if you do the Palace of the Dead stuff which I avoided in Chapter 4, so I'm tempted to go back and do that on there sometime. Or mayhaps I'll just play it through on Reborn once I get through Lawful and Neutral!

But yeah!!! Overall, such a fun route and a fun game and a fun ending :) I do feel like I want to come back to Chaos route once I've finished the other two, because I miss Vyce and the role-playing part of my RPG-obsessed brain really wants him to survive the canon-ish ending because I think there's a ton of things from the beginning of the route that I'll think differently on now that I've finished (like all of the stuff building up to Vyce going nuts and Catiua leaving).

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

cw: vent as long as should be expected from reddit refugee, r*ssian psychiatry being as dehumanizing as every other things in this country, english at the level of a non-native who got lost in reality while writing at least twice;

massive tw: forced hospitalization, suicidal troughs mention, abusive therapist and cruelty i suppose?

i don't even want to start it with "NPD culture is" cause i honestly (desperately) want that no one here will relate with my experience. i also will completely understand if this rant will not be posted, it's long, terrible, it's about may be specific to my doomed country's doomed medical care only. even i myself wish to having no idea about it. i not even goin to be anon here since i have a little fate in this end up posted.

well, NPD culture is dissociating each time anyone share they ideas about how often they supposed (they always supposed that is "never") pwNPD are searching for a therapy. i was the one who did search indeed and found out unpleasant fact that not only i won't get any help, but the one who should help me eventually will try to utterly destroy me. it's was what happened last time, i believe now i could have PTSD and here's the story.

after some dramatic events my npd symptoms slowly started getting much worse. i won’t describe everything, it’s enough to mention that during the year since the dramatic events™, i almost completely isolated myself from society and almost stopped doing anything for my studies, trying to avoid negativity from people around me. i tried seeing a counselor in college to address at least this issue, i can't remember anything about her other than she blamed me for my "parenting stance" and kept telling me i didn't want to work on myself and just wanted to blame everyone but myself for my condition. i tried to visit another psychologist. and another. while i was spending my last money trying to find a specialist who would at least hear me, it was getting worse, maybe because of the my belief that everyone would always be against me. when idea about getting lost in a river nearby my house became more common through than "go brush your teeth" i went to a town psychoneurological dispensary... i should have go to work spending the rest of my vitality to pay for another attempt at private psychotherapy.

just going to the dispensary was humiliating, and by that time I had already lost the idea that it was shameful to seek help. i had to describe troubling symptoms to the psychiatrist on duty... standing in a room full of strangers, only some of whom were medical staff, and the psychiatrist himself looked at me like i was a maggot. and I had to go through this procedure twice, because the first time, “I’m constantly thinking about throwing myself into the river,” apparently they didn’t hear. when i finally got to the dispensary, all those tests that were done to assess my sanity.... the wording of the questions was humiliating to say the least, and even with my belief that i was the most honest person in the world, i admit that lied on that tests. again, no one listened to me, patients in general were given as little attention as possible. when one of the conversations with the therapist she touched on a topic that was painful for me and i couldn't hold back my tears, i was threatened that if I didn't pull myself together i would be sent to a hospital. which exactly what happened.

this was supposed to be the longest part of the story, but it's physically hard for me to describe what happened, so I'm just listing it. i was not allowed to contact my family, to take any things, at least clothes from home, they just put me in an ambulance and took me to this prison. they took my phone and I didn't see any of my stuff until I was discharged. when they brought me in, they injected me with something and did it for the three days i was in the isolation ward where they put all the newcomers. later on, they transferred me to a general ward and again every day they gave me a hell of a lot of medicine. I don't know what they were. i know how it sounds but alas this is how russian psychiatric hospitals work and this horror can be confirmed in the stories of other... survivors? we were not allowed outside (because of covid they say), there were no family visitation days, the only thing we did was to walk along the corridor along the wards. no privacy, no emotions allowed, YOU a nothing.

i spent a month there. for crying. i could have gone longer, but I was able to convince the superintendent at the weekly meeting that i could be returned to the care of the dispensary. when I left, i was told that my good behavior would get me bipolar instead of schizoaffective disorder so they "wouldn't ruin my life." what does schizoaffective disorder have to do with anything? ut's what in this country they like to diagnose when they don't know what to diagnose. doesn't really matter if you fit criteria. i didn't fit any of them, so thanks for... not ruining my life i guess.

it took me two years to recover from all this. i think i'm mostly fine as long as no one mentions how bad narcissists are for not going to therapy. like even though I know I need therapy, i can't bring myself to do it. i know there must be normal therapists, but I feel too deep a dislike and distrust of people in this profession. you know... it could cost me life?

.

[roachliquid]

One of the biggest problems with both the Law of Assumption and the Law of Attraction is that they're both designed to be unfalsifiable, meaning, it's meant to be impossible to disprove them no matter what results you get. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to manifest, failing to accomplish your goals can't be considered a failure of the concept; instead, it's automatically considered a failure on your part to roleplay a better life hard enough.

This is a pretty popular tactic with scammers who want to exploit people. For example, multilevel marketing companies work to instill in their "salespeople" (victims) that if they aren't somehow making money with the company, it's because they are doing something wrong. Can't find anyone to sell to? You must not be harassing- I mean looking hard enough. No one is interested in your measly selection of products? You just need to buy more to show them what the company has to offer! And if all else fails, you need to look into growing your downline by any means necessary - which includes posting videos to your social media telling everyone how incredibly successful you've been since you started selling for the company.

You can also see this in some Christian circles, and let me tell you it's no less of a red flag there. Pastors might tell you some variant of the following:

G*d always answers prayers, it's just that sometimes the answer is "no".

If you didn't get what you were praying for, it's because you didn't have enough faith.

In order to really prosper as a Christian - by which we mean get wealthy - then you have to show your loyalty to G*d - by which we mean give us all the money you can afford.

As you might notice, each of these claims offers a result that the person making them has no actual power to provide to you. Your pastor can't answer prayers on G*d's behalf or convince your boss to give you a raise, leaving it up to the whims of causality as usual. Instead, they insist that a negative result is simply a normal part of the process, that either you can expect to be snubbed part of the time, or that if you don't get the results you want it's your own fault.

Of course, this doesn't actually prove that the claim is true. In fact, when you design an idea to be difficult to falsify, you're actually making it harder to prove - because "the system works" and "the system doesn't work" end up looking exactly the same. That's why these systems rely so hard not on teaching you concrete methods that you can test for yourself, but on making sure you believe that what you are doing will work, and conditioning you to reject out of hand any evidence that suggests otherwise.

This tactic does not help anyone. Instead, it serves to trap people in an endless cycle of victimhood, assuring that they continue to point the blame at themselves instead of asking themselves if the rule they were taught is as good as they were told it is. It also teaches them to contribute to others' victimization, by constantly repeating this message to other members of the community, effectively creating an echo chamber of victim-blaming and guilt.

[tapinix2]

Hey guys, I'm obsessed with Ducktales so I'm making an AU for it

We all know that Donald has anger issues and sees a therapist.

Well, what if a bit after the triplets are born and a while since Della has left there's an incident. He loses his tempor and one of the boys gets hurt, not badly, it's just a scratch, but he still feels horrible about it.

Donald is super anxious, so it's no surprise that he starts constantly worrying about accidentally hurting them again.

After talking to his therapist they decided that it would be best to send HDL to a foster family while maintaining guardianship until he's made more progress and can control his anger better.

They make arrangements, child services suggest trying to contact any relatives first.

While Donald insists that Scrooge is unfit to parent the boys, they call him anyway. Suprise suprise, he doesn't answer no matter how hard they try to talk to him. He's too busy pouring all his time into finding Della, ignoring anything else, he doesn't even find out about what's happening with his nephews.

Normally his close friend and housekeeper would answer these calls, but she has her hands so full with baby Webby (who's just shy of a year younger than HDL) that they go unnoticed.

Gladstone says that he would love to take them in but he's currently planning for a four year long expedition that includes traveling to casinos for gambling and drinking, not very kid friendly. He'd postpone, but the opportunity to visit some of the venues only opens once in a thousand years, and he is determined to win some big money in those legendary casinos. (hint hint, he gets trapped in one of them).

Feathery offers to take them, and child services denies due to the fact that he lives alone underwater. The conditions aren't safe for young children to grow up, but HDL will be allowed to visit once in a while if requested, as the facility itself is sound. He isn't willing to abandon his work on the edge of a breakthrough and move to a house above sea level.

So it's decided they will go to foster for a bit, Donald's only condition is that they don't get separated no matter what. He figures that even if something happens that they can't talk to him again, they'd always have each other. Everyone agrees to this and the paperwork is brought out.

Things are good for the first year, they go to this nice couple with an older kid, see their uncle on weekends, and start at public school. Donald's therapy is making progress, but he hasn't been able to hold down a job so the boys are to stay with the foster until he's financially stable.

Then Dewey gets into a fight. It wasn't his fault, really, but these older boys were picking on him so he punched them.

Louie tries to stay out of it, he's the smallest of the trio since he hatched last, and when one of the boys comes at him he uses his size to duck under them and run off. He goes to get a teacher.

Huey attempts to break it up at first, but after they push Dewey to the ground and try to hurt Louie, overprotective big brother loses his tempor.

He beats the bullies up, despite them being two years ahead. They aren't so injured they need medical attention but one of them hit their head and passed out, while the other two are bleeding and cowering against the wall when a teacher arrives.

HDL gets blamed for the incident, and they all get in trouble while the bullies get off. Despite Louie's protests, he's been marked down for cheating on a test and the school assumes he was part of it as well. Usually, they would just get detention, maybe a short suspension, however, one of the bullies just happens to be the son of a very influential school board member.

So the triplets end up expelled, after a lot of exaggeration over the incident and some crocodile tears from the bullies. They use Donald's anger issues against them, to prove that the boys are unstable. At this point they had only been in school a few months.

The school board talks to child services and recommends that the triplets are sent to homes or schools for troubled children. After half-ass assessing the boys, they ignore Donald's request and split them up.

Huey was able to play things down for himself, he's not a good liar but he's a goodie two shoes who managed to appeal to them. He stays with their original family for the time being and is moved to a different public school, while attending semi-regular therapy sessions for a bit.

Dewey is abrasive but hasn't been in trouble with the school before this. He tells them that the older boys started the fight, and while they don't entirely believe this story they go easy on him. They notice that he's very hyperactive, with love for adventure. Dewey is sent to Cape Suzette, where other foster/orphan children with a lot of energy have gone and seen promising results. They believe that being able to put his mind into more complicated things will calm his spirit. He bounces around the city a bit, and becomes friends with Kit who knew his mom from flight school (although they were never very close).

Louie gets it the worst, despite being the only one not involved in the fight. The bullies had claimed that he had been the one to start the whole thing, and the school board was very biased in their favour. Louie had previously managed to trick these three into giving him extra dessert at lunch, so this was their form of payback.

No matter how much he tried to explain that it wasn't true, the previous marks on his record for cheating made him out to be a bad kid. In actuality, he only tried to cheat because he was too lazy to do the work. He's a smart kid and he knew the answers, he could have passed just fine.

Thus, Louie ends up at a home for 'troubled boys'. He's one of the youngest, definitely the smallest, and way out of his element considering he was falsely accused.

The fight happened on Monday, the expulsion was finalized on Wednesday, and the boys were moved by Friday. On Saturday Donald is told that HDL got into a fight at school, and they believe his anger issues may have been a negative influence, so they want to pause the weekly visits for a little bit. Believing that they know best, and not having been told that the triplets were split up, Donald doesn't argue. He only asks if the boys were hurt at all, to which he gets a truthful "no, minus a few scratches".

AND THUS

THe boys have been separated, at an age where they would hardly rmbr once they grow up, and Donald has lost contact with them.

Do they manage to find each other and reunite once again? Do the triplets ever end up in a stable home? Does Scrooge get off his ass and become a parent figure to Webby? Will Donald attempt to contact his nephews again or become discouraged by everyone telling him he's unfit to be a parent?

We'll just have to wait and see.

I've been calling it the "finding family au" but I suppose you could also call it "split up au" as well.

This is the basic backstory, which I probably won't draw out, and we have a little more to go through until we get to the start of the actual story. I plan to make a mini comic for that little prelude, although it may take a bit to finish.

Send me asks about this and I will love u forever, I'm working on drawing designs for the triplets rn.

Yes, many more characters will be included. I have plans for team science, team heroes, team magic, May + June, and Goldie. If u have anyone else u wanna see let me know!

[penguwastaken]

Okay, so I wanna preface all this by saying that I'm not what one would call an "anti-brainwashing" fan of the series. While I don't really like the explanation given, I do actually consider brainwashing a much more reasonable explanation than the idea people have of Junko being a charismatic manipulator who turned Class 77 into Remnants with a silver tongue. Mainly for pragmatic reasons related to the short timeframe and consistency with DR0.

It's an idea that sounds deep and clever on paper for about five minutes. Until you actually stop and think about the sheer number of contrivances it would take for Junko to pull all that off in less than a year without Kyoko, Yasuke, Makoto, Jin, or anyone from Class 78 noticing. Radicalizing someone to become a world-ending terrorist with the relentless drive of a T-800 in that timeframe is hard enough. Doing that to 14 people in that timeframe, while avoiding detection and keeping up appearances as a normal schoolgirl in a separate class, as well as getting up to all the other nonsense with the Warriors of Hope, Izuru, and Yasuke is just fucking ridiculous. The Junko we saw in DR1 is nowhere competent enough to pull that off. Genuine brainwashing really is the most logical explanation to make all of that fit.

However, there is something I have to object to in a post you made on the topic last month. The claim that the Remnants didn't have their free will overridden. That is plainly false. The Despair Video, as well as the other brainwashing videos, clearly demonstrated that they were capable of making people commit acts that were completely against their own will. Junko showed this to Chisa with the Reserve Course student she used to test run the brainwashing's ability to make someone commit suicide. The guy did not want to do it, but his body was working against him. The same is true with the people subjected to the Hope Video, like Aoi when she was compelled to restrain Makoto.

The Remnants might not have been "mindless zombies", and were subjected to a somewhat more refined conditioning process. But it was still mind control nonetheless. It's disingenuous to claim that they can still be blamed for their actions, because no human save perhaps Izuru would have the willpower to have resisted its effects. Like if they were judged in a court of law that had a full understanding of the process' effects, no reasonably jury could hold them accountable for being unable to resist something that less than 99.99999999% of the human race could resist.

This completely ignores my message. I quite literally wrote about how the Remnants of Despair aren't to blame.

"While it is true that their ability to choose what to do remained, the fact is that they only made the decisions they made and got their despair urges in the first place was because they were brainwashed. So it is also true that the person at fault isn't them, it's Junko and her video. And that's the point, it isn't their fault that they made those choices. Some may say this is because Kodaka wanted to make them more redeemable, but I just completely disagree because it was always like this." -"DR3 makes the Remnants of Despair blameless" post

My point is that while they still maintain the ability to make choices, the only reason they make the choices they make is because they were brainwashed to crave despair.

You also mention the video used to control Aoi, however you ignore that it's a completely different video developed YEARS later. As for the man who doesn't want to kill himself, that's not him being mind controlled into doing it, that's him doing in it spite of not wanting to die. That's literally what despair is, doing horrible things you don't want to do because you crave that horrible feeling.

Please read About Brainwashing in Danganronpa and "DR3 makes the Remnants of Despair blameless" where I go into the logistics of how it actually works along with what it means for the responsibility of the Remnants of Despair.

[your-actual-therapist]

the many fallacies of the high-functioning adhd person (or why you should get the damn pills)

i am a therapist and also a late-diagnosed adhd person. and by late-diagnosed i mean that i just got diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and apparently all my clients have known i have adhd since the day they met me.

the common objection (read: my objection for the last several years) to the bare fact of "you should 100% go get neuropsych testing and maybe get on medication, learn better coping skills, adapt your work environment to fit the way your brain works, be open about how adhd affects you and what accommodations you need, etc." is "oh, but you see, i can actually get shit done when i need to."

it's true. i have a successful private practice. i've written several published books. i own my own home. it is clean. my dog is not neglected. that was why i called myself "well."

the thing is, though. neurotypical people tend to do those things...well, not effortlessly, exactly, but without the self-hatred. the self-blame. the all-nighters before a deadline. the endlessly ping-ponging back and forth between a thousand browser tabs and the one tab that contains the thing i actually need to get done. the stress. forgetting shit and remembering it and then forgetting it again. developing the elaborate organizational systems that prevent you from forgetting shit. trying to mitigate the effects of my symptoms on my partner. family. clients. the toll on my body and brain all this untenable stress takes, because untenable stress is the only way i'll get things done.

picture someone who uses a mobility device but can walk some distance without it. can they technically get across certain parking lots? sure. does it take the same effort for them as it takes someone with typical mobility? no. does their ability to walk mean they don't have to think about the number of steps they have to walk that day, today's level of pain tolerance, or whether there's a place to sit in the building once they get there? no. would it be frustrating for them to hear "but i thought you could walk!" from me if i saw them use their mobility device or park in an accessible space? of course. should they spend all their time worrying about whether they "really" need their mobility device? whether they're taking resources from people who have it "worse"? whether they're exaggerating how hard it is to get around because they "can" walk in a pinch? whether the fact that their mobility issues are less visible than others' means they're less deserving of accommodation? also no.

picture someone whose income is low but who is basically staying afloat. are their bills paid? sure. can they technically afford to splurge on a video game if they eat eggs for dinner for a little while? sure. does the price of that video game mean the same to them as it means to someone with a lot of spare cash? no. does it help that person to pretend their video game budget's the same as their rich friends' budget? hell no.

i'm not comparing any of these situations to each other, but i think it's useful to talk about the way we think about Other People's Life Stuff vs. Our Own Life Stuff. i think it helps us be kinder to ourselves and to people who share our experiences. i often caught myself thinking "why can't [sibling who also has adhd] just be on time and get shit done?" in a way that i'd never think about someone with a more visible condition, and that wasn't right.

my point is that whatever my level of adhd-related impairment is or was, there was never any point in minimizing it. there was no benefit to me or anyone else in pretending i wasn't struggling. i did no one any favors by not getting those magic pills that have greatly improved my life. i helped no one by refusing to ask for help or pretending the ways i sneakily accommodated my "quirks" were for any reason other than neurodivergence.

my point is that it can do harm to pretend that "high-functioning" means anything but "looking like a typical person but also expending so much effort on behaving typically that it detracts from your happiness and health."

my point is that mentally putting myself in a category separate from people with "actual" problems who needed help did not help those people at all and did jack shit to reduce the stigma of neurodivergence. those people were me, and i needed help. you do not stop needing help once you reach a certain threshold of socially sanctioned functionality. if my goal was to pass myself off as an "absent-minded professor" (my parents' and every single one of my teachers' and supervisors' favorite nickname for me) rather than a Genuinely Impaired Person, then congrats, yay to me, i successfully shot myself in the foot.

and maybe that was what i needed for a while because i was not in a place where being open about it and getting the help i needed was necessarily safe. but not anymore. and now it's time to use the rest of this addy to get cracking on some writing projects because i am on fire today.

[blahandwhatever]

I did end up visiting my mother, and it went okay. Things weren't too negative overall, but a few slightly undermining things came up in the conversation that left me frustrated the next day. Would've liked to go on a bike ride - a dearth of those this summer - but it was hot and humid. Just took the dog for a walk instead.

The Monday after was a cranky, angry day. Largely my own fault - partly my parents' too, but I slept too much again and it really did me in. Had two separate dreams in which I was extensively evaluated. In one, some woman was looking for a home for a cat she had found but didn't want to keep because she didn't like cats. I offered to adopt the cat, and she came and presented me with a long list of terms and conditions for the adoption, which included a bunch of specific care requirements (for someone who supposedly didn't like cats, she seemed extremely well-versed in both cat care in general and this particular cat's personality and preferences), building a custom crate for the cat to her exact specifications (which from her perspective would be a piece of cake because she was very handy), staying in regular contact with her, and asking about her grandchildren every Christmas. The other dream is more of a blur but involved a woman coming and evaluating my home decor and stuff for some competition.

Tuesday was much better. Slept less, went for another taste testing study, did some shopping, enjoyed some good weather.

Wednesday, my father texted me again. More about how much I'm on my mother's side and how I should listen to his side too to be objective (which, I mean - he's free to tell me whatever he wants, but he's never actually had any counter to the damning facts about him [nor could he] or anything compelling to say, just a bunch of vaguely acting attacked and discriminated against. also... I've seen and heard 'his side' of things so much throughout my life. and it's so full of shit. sometimes one side is just worse or more wrong, sorry. not only is "we should weigh the abuser's side the same as the victim's" ridiculous, but the lack of self-awareness and objectivity in someone like my father is extreme. he's like a black hole of self-bias). Said my mother and I were trying to destroy him, which I clarified was not the case at all. Really, I wish they would both work on their mental health and maybe, eventually, be happy, separately.

He then asked if I could convince my mother to go to couples counseling with him, because that would be the only way he'd sign the divorce papers. He needed to 'set the story straight' and said he wouldn't 'let it end like this' (with so much of the blame laid on him). He said he'd talked to some psychiatrist, who was surprised my mother had gone to counseling alone (what?) and that her counselor wasn't willing to see them both (she only does individual sessions). I don't know WTF he told this person, but almost certainly, it was full of shit (I also don't know how qualified the psychiatrist - or psychologist, whatever the case may be - is to deal with a person/situation like this). He said he'd asked her to find someone else, but she claimed she couldn't find anyone who did couples counseling on her insurance. He thought she was 'afraid' to go to counseling with him because she might have to hear that she was partly at fault for their dysfunctional marriage. So much bullshit. I told him, if he's the one who wants to go, why doesn't he find someone himself?

Anyway, I suggested to my mother that she go with him because it couldn't hurt, and it would probably be good for him to hear objectivity from a professional. And unfortunately, him seeing a professional alone may just mean him glossing over or ignoring entirely the worst of his behavior and presenting his best image.

I ended up spending a fair bit of time trying to find someone for them myself. It was, in fact, very hard to find someone - especially locally - on my parents' insurance, and equally hard to narrow down who would be the best fit. Reviews are lacking for most therapists, some have negative ones or other red flags, and some just don't show signs of much experience/expertise in areas like divorce or abusive/toxic relationships. In the end, I narrowed down a few I wasn't entirely convinced about and sent them to my mother. I don't know if she took any of those recommendations. My biggest concern is them seeing a bad/unsuitable therapist who will be easy for my father to bullshit or otherwise unequipped to understand the situation - or have a bias against divorce. It's not like anything would technically stop my mother from divorcing my father, but getting worn down or manipulated is something that could happen.

I've heard so many horror stories about people with abusive spouses (or parents) trying to get therapy from inept therapists who just made things worse. Just read one the other day about someone who spent five years in couples therapy with a therapist who persistently expected them to tolerate and excuse their husband's mistreatment of them because it was just an expression of his own hurt and trauma and ~everyone's doing the best they can in the way they know how~ and needs compassion and understanding and validation of their core self as good.

Liiiiike, my god. I'm all for understanding where abusive and toxic behaviors come from. I'm all for the idea that people are generally good and don't have anything 'wrong' with them on a core, fundamental level of like the true self or inner child, and that, to be healthy, they need to understand this and love that core self. BUT. Those are psychological foundations that parents are primarily responsible for laying, and if they fail, and the person doesn't manage to figure it out for themselves and becomes warped by trauma to the point of being abusive or toxic... a) no one should ever have tolerate that treatment, and b) no one else is responsible for reparenting or fixing the person as an adult. That is their own responsibility, along with a professional or whatever other resources they want to use. No one needs to maintain a relationship with them, and frankly they shouldn't be in a relationship until they've actually made themselves suited for one. That there are actual therapists who don't understand this, who expect people to respond to their abusers primarily with compassion and tolerance and maintain relationships with them indefinitely, to shut down their healthy and natural emotional and self-protective responses to mistreatment, is heinous. How are you serving people's mental health when you expect people to willingly subject themselves to objectively harmful treatment and expect the very people who have been hurt and damaged most by abusive people to make themselves responsible for the abusers' mental health. Fucking deranged.

So yeah, I've spent some time worrying about all that, and about... all of it. What happens if and when the divorce goes through and both parents inevitably suffer some disadvantages. My mother has expressed so much worry and fear about life on her own. Will I end up dragged into either of their problems? There's a reasonable extent to which I'm willing to help if necessary, but I have my limits, especially given how short I've actually been on my own and how precious this freedom is to me. All this stuff from the past couple of months has already polluted my life too much.

A couple of nights ago, I asked her for an update, and nothing had progressed. She had trouble finding a counselor whose schedule worked with my father's. I urged her to try calling some of the people I'd sent her. She agreed. My father, ever full of shit, goes back and forth between claiming he wants a divorce as much as she does (to put them on more equal footing) and admitting he does not want it at all, for various bullshit reasons. Asks her when the 'craziness' will end, tells her what a 'nightmare' she's put him two these past two months, as if this is all just another bad phase of the marriage he's being forced to suffer through as he waits for things to get back to 'normal' like they always did before (to be fair, he really got conditioned to expect this). And his insanity continues, and she despairs, and I increasingly don't know what to say or do; I just hope the counselors/therapists will help. He probably won't sign the divorce papers, and the process will get dragged out for who knows how long, and in the meantime, she has to live and put up with him. Usually the person trying to divorce an abuser is the one who has to leave because the abuser just will not understand and will not do it. But she refuses, because it's her house, and she has a mortgage on it.

And I try to maintain my own sanity in the meantime. Monday I felt pretty good and strong most of the day but unraveled a bit after this conversation. So much anger at my father, so much helplessness. Yet I can't keep letting this get to me so much. I have to keep living my own life. So I'm trying to be more mindful and get a handle on myself. For a while I did quite well at compartmentalizing, but we're at a crossroads where I'm anxious to know what happens next. And again the mixed feelings about wanting/not wanting to get involved. The way I would most like to get involved is the most unlikely - taking my father to therapy and laying everything out for them so someone can finally get to work on him. Which I don't mean in a controlling 'let's straighten this person out' way, but like. He truly needs so much help, as much for his own sake as other people's. He's unhappy, dysfunctional, self-sabotaging, forever confused about why things go the way they do for him, and forever in denial about his dysfunction and trauma. I've repeatedly alluded to the fact that he grew up in a toxic family that did a lot of damage to him, and this is something worth exploring and working through in therapy, but he's never had much interest in that, always stubbornly resistant to delving too deep into his mind or into the past, always insistent on 'not living in the past' and 'moving on' without ever really moving on, stubbornly clinging to a lot more than he realizes.

Yesterday he sent me a random text with an article on finances, trying to be 'helpful'. I told him the most helpful thing would be to stop being a nightmare to my mother and start cooperating on the divorce process. He claimed he was 'super nice' to her every day while she was 'nasty' to him. I pointed out his continuing harassment of her about what he imagines as her 'boyfriend' - there's a neighbor who recently got divorced, and my father's gotten obsessed with the idea that there's something going on between him and my mother because she passes by his house when she takes the dog for walks, and will stop to chat if she sees him, as she'll do with any other acquaintance. Asked him if he ever reflects on the delusional thoughts and obsessions in his head and recognizes them as a sign (one of so many) of a problem. Clarified that being 'super nice' (which, the way he does it, is mostly manipulative and/or image-oriented anyway) isn't really what's needed here, and that my mother doesn't owe him any kindness, and if he wants to avoid unpleasant interactions, he can minimize contact and speed up the divorce process instead of slowing it down. And also how it's a problem the way he will randomly act like everything is 'normal' (which my mother says is what drives her the most crazy, and I get it; it's the emotional dishonesty and reality denying and the manipulativeness of just casually trying to slide back into how things were before and pretend none of this ever happened). Didn't hear back.

So that's where that's all at. I started and picked back up on this post a few times over a few days because it kept being late and time for bed. And I thought I'd add other stuff after the parent stuff, but since that ended up being so long, I'll put the rest in a separate post.

[djino04]

OmegaVerse - Difficult training

POV Saul

The second the category course ends, I slip away and head to my apartments. My heart races at the thought that one or more students may have figured out the truth. I walk quickly, before anyone can see me.

Once through the door to my apartment, I lock it and lean against it while dropping to the floor. I try to keep my breathing steady so I don't totally panic. It only takes one of them to figure out what I was hiding and I'm out of here. Andreas burned down one of my two houses, taking all my possessions and memories with it. I don't know if I can handle leaving Alfea. There have been so many changes in my life in the last few months and hardly any good ones. The only slightly positive thing is the return of Andreas. And even then, he avoids me most of the time. We only talk for classes and he helps me from time to time but that's it... At the same time, how can I blame him? I tried to kill him, I stole his son and his place. He is right to keep his distance. I am already very grateful to him for helping me, even if with each contact I feel both relief and sadness when I compare what we were and what we are today. And the fact that he is helping me when he obviously doesn't want to, makes me feel even more guilty. 

But maybe tomorrow I won't even be in Alfea, I won't be able to see him, I won't be able to keep an eye on Sky. I don't understand what made Rosalind and Luna do this. They both know what I am and yet the Queen has pardoned me and allowed me to have a specialist position here. I find it hard to understand their interest in doing this.

I glance around my suite. It's much smaller than the one I had before, but that's okay since most of my belongings were destroyed after my arrest. I glance at the wall where I was able to hang a few pictures Ben sent me. I guess I might as well do something useful and put everything in a bag. I don't think they'll give me time to pack my stuff if they decide to throw me out.

I get up and start to put away my meager possessions. Tidying up helps me to calm down and my heart starts to beat normally again. And I tell myself that everything is not so bad because I have been prepared for this eventuality for years. Farah and I bought a small isolated house in case we needed to hide one day or in case my secret came out. No one else knows about it, not even Ben. The idea was for the two of us to go. I guess I'll have to go alone now. I have a tiny bit of hope that wherever she is, Farah will find her way to safety and meet me there. I know she's not there right now, because there are sensors around the property that would have alerted me if she had already taken refuge there. There's still the problem of not having enough alpha, but I guess I'll go buy some omitrix and that's it.... 

I look around the room which has been well emptied already. I mustn't change anything about my behavior if I don't want to arouse suspicion. But no one ever comes in here so I don't take any chances by packing my bags, just in case.  Maybe none of the students have figured out the truth yet, but they certainly suspect that there is a hidden meaning to this class. I just hope the second grade fairies don't dig any deeper. They have a tendency to poke their noses into everyone's business and they might drag Sky in... 

Sky... I stop what I'm doing and sigh... Our relationship is already at an all-time low and I'm not sure it will survive another test. And this, this secret, is more than just a test, I realize. But I had no choice but to keep my condition quiet and I still do. When he was little, there was a risk that he wouldn't be able to keep the secret. Now, I know he wouldn't tell anyone, but his life, or at least his freedom, would be at stake if anyone found out. I can't do that to him. He's already been through so much because of me, I don't want to add to it. I'd rather he hate me for the rest of his life if he finds out the truth than end up in jail. 

I look at the clock and realize that the special training of the oldest students is about to start in 10 minutes. It's a new class that Rosalind has instituted for the top specialists. Well, when I say new, it's not really new because there was one back when I was a student here. 

I guess I can't hide here forever. So I quickly get dressed and head to the training area. To my surprise, I see Andreas leaning against one of the training platforms. In itself, there is nothing disturbing about him being here because he is co-teaching this class with me. What is more disturbing is that he is early. He is much more often the last to arrive, than the first. 

I come and stand next to him and before I can say a word, the students arrive. Other specialists arrive but only to watch, they are not allowed to participate. I am surprised not to see Sky, because he usually comes but maybe he is just late. 

I am reassured that I don't get any weird looks from the students. I relax that everything is normal, that this is just another class and I'm not going to end up in the pillory, or at least not today. So I get into teacher mode, explaining the exercises we prepared with Andreas, the purpose of them, etc.

I don't talk for long because I know that they are not there for that and especially that they won't listen if it lasts more than a few minutes. What they are interested in is doing the exercises and especially putting them into practice in a fight. They don't yet realize that theory is just as important as practice. At the same time, I'm not sure that Andreas understands this either. That's why I'm in charge of that part and he does most of the demonstrations. We could totally swap roles but that's how it happened naturally. 

Except that, apparently, today Andreas changed his mind because he throws a sword at me and before I can ask him what he is doing, he says to the whole class: 

"For once, we are going to show you in a fight what Saul just explained."

And that's how I find myself on the platform facing Andreas for the first time since Aster Dell. I try not to think about how our last fight ended. I'm glad I have a wooden sword instead of my real one because I think it's the only thing keeping me from having a flashback and I wonder if it's the same for Andreas. I don't really have time to think about it because he throws his first punch. And it all disappears as we begin a well known choreography. I can't count the number of times we've trained together and even though the years have passed, I recognize his style perfectly. Of course, he has improved and adapted it to his age, but the substance remains the same. 

The fight goes on for many minutes and neither of us really gets the upper hand on the other. We know each other's weaknesses and strengths after fighting side by side for so long. We are able to anticipate almost every move the other makes. But when I see a tiny opening, I don't hesitate to take my opponent down, ending the fight.

I hear applause and look around at the crowd of students who had watched the fight. I had forgotten that we had an audience but by crossing the glance of Andreas, who is still lying down, I understand that he was perfectly conscious of it. And even worse than that, he orchestrated it. I reach out to him to help him up. And once we're in front of each other, I give him a subtle nod of thanks. I know he did this to show what I was capable of to anyone who might have had any doubt. More importantly, I know he didn't let me win. If I had given him the opportunity to win, he would have taken it without hesitation. This simple thought comforts me even more than the rest. 

I turn back to the students and order them in my commanding voice: 

"Your turn to show what you can do. Get into pairs and start your exercises."

And the class continues as normal, I go through each group, correcting every flaw. I naturally fall back into my role as a teacher, putting aside my concerns for the moment. 

And it is in this frame of mind that I head to my apartments. But as I reach my door, I see Sky leaning against the wall. And the second I meet his eyes, I understand that he knows. 

[avephelis]

said i'd ramble a bitt about my vague protege!tommy au so i will do that noww. please heed the tws. all rp! c!

not gonna go super into detail but basic premise is when tommy is on the tower in exile he DOES jump (killing himself) but dream revives him and it sort of spirals from there. so:

obviously for tommy to actually have jumped he wouldn't have realised dream was just watching/controlling him or shaken off that exile mindset

the way i imagine death messages work is canon deaths are notably different on comms. so when tommy's message shows most people see it. dream goes to investigate (and eventually his cover is it was a server issue. he's the admin after all. who else is gonna know.)

i'm also pretty sure, based off the canon timeline, the lazar/vikk experimentation would have happened after exile. so in this au dream hasn't tested the revivebook on people yet. so it's a fluke of luck he manages to get it working on tommy under duress - getting it first try certainly wouldn't help with the god complex

and yeah all that means tubbo and l'manberg and everyone is aware that tommy is a. alive and b. with dream. don't get me wrong, i love versions of this au with a dramatic reveal, but it doesn't really work for this one? and i think there's a lot of under-utilised angst/horror potential in everything happening right under people's noses.

also this would mean dream would be too occupied to help techno at his execution - whether they just wouldn't hold it because tubbo's too worried for tommy, or whether techno just does lose a life, i haven't decided. leaning towards the latter because it has a lot of interesting character potential. not sure how it'd affect quackity's arc, though.

my issue with the au is i'm just not sure where to go with it tbh. because it has changed A LOT over about a year and a half until i settled after dream's revivebook lore this year. so i USED to have scenes and stuff planned out but idk anymore ( - -;;) maybe i'll come back to it.

so ermm misc points of relevance:

tommy's conditioning and mental gymnastics kind of hitting hard. harder than canon, because now dream technically did save him, so there's a feeling of debt added on to all the exile manipulation. (i don't think tommy would want to die again. especially after limbo and the agony of revival. would he stop ideating about suicide? probably not. but i wouldn't have him attempt it again.)

like i mentioned, reviving tommy prematurely wouldn't help dream's god complex. as well as discduo's canon bullshit, he'd probably see tommy as some kind of 'proof' of his godhood? to some degree. gotta think out the intricacies of that more though.

tommy is obviously under duress, so any decision he makes isn't really fair to blame him for. but the idea of him initiating some things with dream - maybe the idea of training or servitude - is just really interesting to me. not really a choice if he's being manipulated and threatened, but interesting character stuff nonetheless.

tommy also does some fucked up shit. probably kills someone at a point haven't decided who. angst and complexity of morality and guilt i love you.

at some point tubbo lifts tommy's exile, so technically he could come back to l'manberg, but whenever he does it's with dream and generally... very off/creepy. if i ever do something with this probably a lot of tubbo things. but yeah the idea of tommy being IN l'manberg but people not comprehending what's going on or being able to help him... freaky.

no idea what to do about enderwalk or doomsday.

clingyduo fight still happens. not sure if it'd be at the community house or not, but it'd have a LOT higher stakes than canon because tommy is slash gen Out For The Kill

I WANT TO WORK IN EGG STUFF!! because red banquet with dream there is a super interesting idea, especially considering tommy's immunity. and the fact he destroyed parts of the egg that one time but took damage from it whatt was up with that.

and above all else if i ever make this a fic or comic or whatever it WILL have a happy ending and hurt/comfort because. i am weak for that.

soo ya. bit of rambling. design notes ermm

as much as i love the classic :( mask i figured (x x) is a bit more unique, and makes sense considering the revival aspect of this iteration

tommy's hair is LONGISH! and keeps getting longer because i have always had headcanons about dream having a preference for it being long (being able to play with it, yank him around by it, etc).

tommy's facial scar is a near mirror of dream's. because i'm fucked up <3

tommy's design is generally much more rounded than dream's and has a hint of a moth/butterfly motif (as opposed to dream's spider)

tommy's mask/hood shows his hair and face behind it because it is not enchanted. just porcelain.

not pictured but somewhere there is a :) carved into tommy. from a particularly harsh "punishment".

also not pictured but TOMMY TRIDENT SYMBOLISM. which i DID NOT COME UP WITH ORIGINALLY!! don't know who did unfortunately. but the connection to the sea plus it being an unconventional weapon plus loyalty and channeling enchantments. yass.

and i'll link a coloured drawing related to this au so you can see the designs better

ermm that's about it for now. very workshop vibes not concrete under construction et cetera. but here if anyone is interested

[vrishchikawrites]

You know what would be interesting?

JC never lost his golden Core.

And Wei Wuxian did not lose his.

But he still gets dropped into the Burial Mounds. And like I dunno how, but he comes out of there having mastered the new form of cultivation.

Jiang Cheng acts like a dick that's par for cannon. And this Wei Wuxian who has survived the burial Mounds with his golden core intact has no time for his drama.

He definitely confesses to Lan Wangji o ce he is out of the burial mounds.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji in the Sunshot campain would be brilliant. Cultivating and * *wink wink nudge nudge* * dual cultivating.

JC is seething with jelousy. He has everything. The gentry name, the money and sect leadership but the whole world is only speaking about Wei Wuxian and his like awesome cultivation. Both the sword style and with his flute.

Wen Qing and Wen Ning- Wen Ning convinces his sister to join the war. Wen Ning wants to be on Wei Wuxian's side.

What would JC throw a tantrum over if he doesn't have anything to throw a tantrum over??

Like for example he blames Wei Wuxian for Lotus Pier burning. Obviously it's not his mistake. But one day he is yelling at Wei Wuxian about it and sect leader someone maybe XiChen, maybe Sect leader Nie. Whoever. Comes and like defends Wei Wuxian.

What would he do then faced with the facts? Cling all the more to his warped world view? Or apologize?

It will be interesting to see.

You don't have to take this prompt if it's too messy or whatever. I love you and your writing.

Also, thank you for choosing to write my previous prompt.

XOXO.

(this is a little similar to trapped and patient but also quite different. Hope you like it! The format is a bit different because this is a lot of time to cover in a short prompt)

When he stumbles out of the Burial Mounds, Wei Wuxian is stunned. He can't believe he made it, that he was able to survive it, without his sword.

Wei Wuxian walks forward shakily, one unsteady step at a time, putting distance between him and that wretched place.

He feels weak, drained, devastated in small ways.

But he is free.

---

Yiling offers shelter in unexpected ways. He's able to hide in a temple to recover. His condition is wretched enough that he's mistaken for a beggar. A few people take pity on him and offer fruits and buns.

It takes him a week.

That's all it takes for him to recover.

Wei Wuxian washes all traces of Burial Mounds off him, soaks in icy river water for hours on end until he feels purified and reforged.

Now, he's ready for revenge.

---

Wei Wuxian has only tried his cultivation method on the dead. He has used it to repel the fierce corpses, fierce ghosts, and spirits soaked in resentment.

When he tests the method on the Wens, it proves to be even more effective. They scramble like mindless beasts, driven by fear and confusion. The sounds of his Dizi pierce the air and induce madness.

He watches from a distance, indifferent as the Wens turn on each other, swinging their swords, shouting at phantoms, all sense and intellect gone.

He turns away.

---

Jiang Cheng's arms wrap around him and the fog around his mind starts to slowly recede. He stands stiffly, blinking a little before looking beyond his martial brother.

Lan Zhan is there, staring at him with wide eyes. There's so much open concern on his usually stoic face that Wei Wuxian wants to turn away.

"Wei Ying,"

It is only then, under the power of that golden gaze, that his fugue state dissipates. He sees Lan Zhan step forward, almost reaching out only to pull back at the last moment.

Jiang Cheng pushes him away and punches his shoulder, "Where have you been? How dare you abandon us and just frolic off somewhere?"

Wei Wuxian swalllows with difficulty and answers their questions with his habitual dismissive charm.

But that honest expression of open concern on Lan Zhan's beautiful face doesn't leave.

He meets those golden eyes and feels something shift within him.

Shaking his head, he dismisses the feeling. There's no time for sentimental reunions. He turns his attention towards Wen Chao, unsheathes his sword, and kills him in one clean strike.

There. Done.

---

The war is already in full swing by the time he joins it. His martial brother and Lan Zhan are quick to take him to Qinghe, not even letting him ride his own sword.

"Wei-gongzi, I'm happy to see you safe," Lan Xichen greets, running a discreet eye over him. The older Lan brother's concern is well hidden but Wei Wuxian senses it nevertheless.

The man looks like he's just about ready to banish him to the healing halls.

He opens his mouth to reassure Lan Xichen but Nie Mingjue intervenes, slapping his back solidly, "I hear you're responsible for the devastation at Yiling. Good work!"

Wei Wuxian smiles brightly, hoping to banish that increasingly familiar look from Lan Zhan's face. "Thank you, Nie-zongzhu." He smiles up at the man, "I can give you a full report of what happened if you wish it."

The Chifeng-zun's expression shifts into one of approval and he nods, "I do wish it."

"I would like to know as well, if you don't mind," Lan Xichen says and Nie Mingjue nods before he glances at Lan Zhan.

He chuckles, "Lan er-gonzi can join us as well."

---

Wei Wuxian doesn't realize he's been spending more time with the Lan brothers and Nie Mingjue until Jiang Cheng angrily points it out.

"You're too good for us, are you?" He demands, "Abandoning us in favor of your new friends! Even in the battlefield, you and Lan Wangji are inseparable! Have some shame! How dare you abandon your responsibilities and mess around with that man?"

"a-Cheng," Shijie reprimands gently but her voice is weak.

"Aiya, Jiang Cheng, who keeps track of such things amidst a war? They're all our allies. It's not like I have abandoned everyone." He still trains with the Jiang disciples and leads them in battle after all.

"Wei Wuxian!"

"Jiang Cheng," His voice makes his irritation clear, "Is this really the right time to worry about such trivial matters? Who cares about appearances during war? Are were not all one when on the battlefield?" He asks, narrowing his eyes on the furious Jiang, "We don't know whether we'll live or die when we ride out and you're concerned about who fights alongside me? Just who are you speaking of?"

"Who I am speaking of?" Jiang Cheng snaps in return, "Your obsession with that man is unseemly and reflects poorly on the sect! You know it and yet you carry on shamelessly-"

"My obsession?" He demands, "Just what are you trying to imply, Jiang Cheng? You're going to be a brat just because Lan Zhan happens to be the only one able to keep up with me?" It is no secret that his three month stint sharpened his cultivation in ways people find hard to fathom. He didn’t just develop a new cultivation method, he grew. Surviving the Burial Mounds is a feet beyond the skill and endurance of most cultivators. 

Wei Wuxian has earned his already formidable reputation.

Jiang Cheng reels back at the reminder, his face twisting with rage.

Never let it be said that Wei Wuxian takes things lying down. He has spent a lifetime appeasing Jiang Cheng and dealing with his insecurities.

He no longer has the patience.

---

He reaches out instinctively, pulling Lan Zhan out of a blade's path, spinning around to block the strike with his bare arm.

His thick leather brace manages to minimize the damage and he doesn't lose his arm but it is a near thing.

With a hiss, he crowds against Lan Zhan and brings Suibian down in a sharp slash, cutting the Wen before him from left shoulder to right hip.

"Reckless." Lan Zhan says later as he carefully stitches the cut.

"I couldn't let you get hurt." Wei Wuxian says softly, peering down at the kneeling figure before him. He has seen Lan Zhan in various states of indignity, covered in blood, robes soaked in the disgusting sludge of a war-torn field.

Nothing diminishes his beauty.

Wei Wuxian's heart races, his head spinning as he smells the scent of sandalwood. He swallows as Lan Zhan shifts closer, carefully snipping the excess thread and studying his neat stitches.

This close, he feels overwhelmed and realization dawns.

"I love you," He breathes, stunned.

He loves Lan Zhan. The knowledge strikes him now, suddenly, without warning. "How did I not know?" Wei Wuxian feels strangely dazed. How could he not know? It is so obvious to him, his constant need for Lan Zhan's attention, "I hate it when you ignore me." The feeling of those snapping golden eyes on him when he finally manages to gain Lan Zhan's attention, "It's thrilling when you don't."

He has never met anyone more beautiful, "I find you better looking than any maiden." Lan Zhan's proximity now makes him feel-, "Breathless," He says, "When I'm close to you I feel- how did I miss-"

Lan Zhan grip is like vice around his wrist.

Wei Wuxian stops, going pale as he realizes how brazenly he had just confessed love to a man. If Jiang Cheng were here, he'd definitely gut him with Sandu, "Lan Zhan, I-"

Lan Zhan surges forward, eyes blazing and expression dark.

Warm lips slide over his and his mind goes silent.

He doesn't think a single thought that night.

---

War doesn't wait for anyone and Wei Wuxian doesn't say anything in protest when Lan Zhan pulls away from him. He watches with heavy eyes as Lan Zhan shrugs on his discarded outer robes and glances at him.

"Is your body alright?" He asks and Wei Wuxian feels a blush crawl up his neck.

“No! Of course it isn’t,“ He complains even though his body is buzzing with lingering pleasure. He pouts up at Lan Zhan, who studies him with careful golden eyes, “Really, going on and on, taking your pleasure without any care for my virgin body.“ Lan Zhan’s ears are delightfully red, “Who knew er-gege could be so bold?“

“Wei Ying,“ Lan Zhan’s expression is flat but his voice carries a hint of a waver. Wei Wuxian just grins in response, “Be serious.“

In all honesty, his body is already back to its regular state of being. His Golden Core is still spinning furiously and the lingering energy from Dual Cultivation has healed any aches and pains he might have. 

“Fine,“ He says in a petulant tune, inwardly delighted that Lan Zhan is now his, “But er-gege must kiss me to make me feel better.”

Lan Zhan doesn’t hesitate, leaning over him and gently tipping his chin up for the demanded kiss. 

Wei Wuxian sighs, sinking into it as a curtain of silken black hair forms a private cocoon around him. 

---

The war ends but Wei Wuxian’s problems don’t end with it. Three issues stand before him; helping the Wen remnants, helping rebuild YunmengJiang, and figuring out how to marry Lan Zhan. 

One obstacle stands in the way of two of these three goals. Jiang Cheng absolutely refuses to lift a finger to help the Wen remnants, even though Wen Qing’s assistance helped them win the war. Jin Guangyao may have killed Wen Ruohan but Wen Qing prevented thousands of casualties.

Wen Ning was also responsible for rescuing Jiang Cheng from the Wen capture before he lost his Golden Core. It was fortunate that Wen Zhuliu had been called to visit Wen Ruohan and Wen Chao had to wait to enact that punishment. 

Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian managed to steal Jiang Cheng away just hours before Wen Zhuliu returned.

And yet, Jiang Cheng chooses to side with the Jins on the matter instead of listening to Lan Xichen or Nie Mingjue. Wei Wuxian knows it is partly because their sister is marrying into the Jin clan and they can’t afford to make things difficult for her, but still.

Jin Zixuan will obviously protect shijie. There’s no need to be so cautious, especially if three out of four sects oppose imposing any sort of punishment on innocent people. 

On a personal front, Jiang Cheng’s disapproval of his relationship with Lan Zhan is blatant.

Jiang Cheng can’t really stop Wei Wuxian from marrying whoever he wishes. He doens’t need the sect leader’s permission as he’s not really the member of the family. But his shidi is making things difficult with his sneering disapproval and contemptuous comments in public.  

He has already alienated Lan Xichen completely by calling Lan Zhan’s honor in question (boy did he earn the punch Wei Wuxian had leveled at him - sect leader or no). Nie Mingjue will never side with some upstart over Lan Xichen. 

Lan Zhan himself doesn’t care. He has never liked Jiang Cheng and he never will. He only retaliates when Jiang Cheng tries to attack Wei Wuxian. 

His protective er-gege as no tolerance for anyone trying to harm him.

Which is what, ultimately, breaks Wei Wuxian’s ties with YunmengJiang. 

The confrontation is embarrassingly public. He doesn’t mind Lan Xichen or Nie Mingjue being present but feels upset about Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao being there as well. 

“Twin Prides of Yungmeng, isn’t that what you promised me?“ Jiang Cheng demands, “Where will your pride be if you break all of your promises and get into...” He waves his hand at Lan Zhan in disgust, “Is this how you intend to repay us? My father raised you to be the Head Disciple of the Jiang Sect and you would rather be some sort of deviant?“

“Jiang Cheng-“

“And you would side with the Wen dogs too! Was this always your intention? Did you always want to bring down my sect and support its enemies?” 

“The Wen remnants have helped us. They’re not our enemies.“

“They’re not our enemies now,“ Jin Guanyao interjects calmly, his voice soothing and patient, “But surely you see that it may not remain so? We cannot risk another war.”

“They’re barely a few hundred people and we have already taken most of their resources. They’ll live as poor peasants. How can they be a threat to us?“ Wei Wuxian asks. 

“You’re indeed naïve, Wei-gongzi,“ Jin Guangshan says in a gentle, placating tone, “Perhaps your fondness for Wen-guniang is making you turn a blind eye. Beautiful women have a tendency to do that.“ He chuckles indulgently.

The sly implication in his tone isn’t lost on anyone. Lan Zhan’s expression turns frosty and Wei Wuxian feels a surge of fury strong enough to make his blood boil. There are so many things wrong with that statement that Wei Wuxian, for once, is rendered speechless.

“You question the honor of Wei Wuxian of all people?“ Nie Mingjue demands, taking a step forward, “I have stayed silent because Jiang Sect business isn’t my business but I will not have you slander and belittle a proven warrior in my presence!“

“Indeed,“ Lan Xichen says calmly but there’s no mistaking the sharp look in his eyes. Lan Xichen rarely reacts to provocations or interferes in sect matters that don’t concern him. But he’s not going to let anyone upset his younger brother carelessly, “The matter of the Wens is easy to resolve. Let us give them a small piece of land, let them set up a village, and forbid cultivation among them.“

“Er-ge,“ Jin Guangyao begins but Lan Zhan is out of patience. 

He steps back and bows to all assembled before placing a hand on Wei Wuxian’s back, “Wei Ying will choose his own path. Wens will remain free. Wei Ying and I will marry.“ He meets Jiang Cheng’s furious gaze, “Jiang-zongzhu must decide whether his brother’s happiness matters to him.“

Wei Wuxian winces. 

“My brother’s happiness?“ Jiang Cheng demands, “All everyone has ever cared about is his happiness! What about me? What about our Sect? A sect he nearly destroyed because of his loyalty towards you.“ Jiang Cheng looks at him, “Did you forget my mother? My father? How do you intend to repay the enormous debt you carry, Wei Wuxian?“

Wei Wuxian stares back at him, “What is my repayment, Jiang Cheng?” He asks softly, “What will it take for you to consider that debt repaid?” It has been over five years since the fall of Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian has bled and slogged through war to restore that place to its former glory. He has kept Jiang Cheng safe, helped renegotiate shijie’s marriage, and used his name to draw skilled cultivators to YungmengJiang. 

What more can he give? 

“Loyalty.“ He stills, “You devote your life to YungmengJiang and nothing else.“

Lan Xichen makes a faint, alarmed noise while Nie Mingjue huffs in disapproval. 

Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath, feeling Lan Zhan’s fingers flex on his back. He levels a flat look at Jiang Cheng and thinks on the matter of debts. He thinks about Madam Yu’s refusal to bend, of Jiang-zongzhu’s passivity and lack of planning. He thinks about the Wen’s unprovoked attack on Cloud Recesses and the inevitability of war. 

He thinks of his Lan Zhan and shijie’s Jin Zixuan, without swords and facing an armed group of Wens under Wen Chao’s orders. 

He thinks of love. Of what it means to be truly, unconditionally loved. 

No sorrys and no thank yous. No debt owed for simply being a part of someone’s life. 

He thinks of acceptance that comes with an older brother’s amused smile. He thinks of an uncle’s gruff admonishment to behave followed by a stiff reminder to eat, you’re skin and bones already. 

He takes a deep breath and decides. 

“No.“

[caesthetix]

SAY A LITTLE PRAYER — Ep. What Paradise Is

↪Eren Yeager mini-series

↪content; major character death, canon universe, heavy angst, description of violence, established relationship, spoiler for season 4, alternate ending, manga spoiler

"You know, I can't help but thank Eren that he killed her that night."

Everyone was busy with themselves after Jean beat Reiner to a pulp. The rest of them who were still awake, circling the campfire, waiting for sleepiness to engulf them. But that sentence was enough to stop them from dozing off, some pairs of eyes decided to fall upon them instead.

Hange tried to be neutral all the time. They needed to be the mediator between the Marleyans and the rest of the Survey Corps. After all, they needed each other if they wanted to stop the rumbling. Yet they couldn't help but speak up, they were human too after all.

"Huh?" It was Connie. "What do you mean by that, H-Hange-san?"

They just smiled softly as they looked down, watching their own reflection from the brown liquid in their hand. It was your favourite drink, coffee. Every sip would always be savoured as they imagined you sitting right in front of them.

"But we could use her strength. If she lived, she could help us to sway Eren." Armin spoke up, responding to their statement before. His blue eyes staring at the crackling fire, deep in his thoughts. "When we lost her, we lost seventy-five percent of the chance for winning this without having to harm Eren."

"You tell me that is the reason why he killed her?" The scowl on Connie's face hardened as he tried to connect the dots. "So we can't use her against him, eh? What a coward at the end. That lunatic bastard—"

"She would have followed him."

Mikasa's voice was soft and tiny as she cut his sentence. Yet even though it heard like a whisper, everyone could hear what she said. They blinked in confusion, except Hange and Jean who currently stood a few feet from them, somehow understood. The Marleyan raised their eyebrows in confusion, Annie could not understand what they were all talking about.

The rest of them were begging for more information, but the ravenette didn't give them any.

"She would have followed him."

Instead, she repeated the words. Her friends would understand her sentence — if they decided to use their brains for a while. They all knew you, she didn't have to give any further explanation regarding her statement.

Of course, now they understood why Hange thanked Eren for what he did to you. Even if you were alive right now, you were not going to be here, eating stew and drinking coffee while fretting about how to stop your lover who tried to commit genocide to the whole world.

You were going to be there, by his side, with your swords ready to be pointed out to anyone who tried to stop and harm Eren in any way. You would stand there, devoting your heart not for humanity, but for him. That was how big your love was, something that was blinding you, to the extent of worshipping him.

And they couldn't imagine themselves to be the one who sears their blades at you.

"You never told us, Hange."

Jean's voice filled the void, his feet stomping the grass underneath him, echoing through the quiet night. "That night, you never told us what happened." He stood on the other side of the campfire, his tall body looming in front of them as they seated on the ground.

The brunette stared at the man with a stern gaze, contemplating if it was the right moment to tell them. But their time was limited now, as their friends, they all deserved to know what happened that night.

"Alright." They put the metal cup down their lap. "Though I remind you now, it wouldn't be pleasant but," It even felt so heavy for them, by just thinking about your death. "But it would be so — her."

The veteran scout told them everything. From how you stood in front of their door, the coffee that they shared with you, to the time you cried when they gave you the key so you could go inside his cell. They were sure that you went there to talk and asked for a reason, but they knew thirty minutes wouldn't be enough.

Jean felt bad for asking, as he could see how much the commander suffered from this burden. Hange's hand balled into a fist, the other gripping tight on the cup's handle. Yet they keep on going, telling them how they saw Eren wash his face as if his hands were not stained by his lover's blood.

They explained the bruises on your neck, shaped like fingers as an indicator of how you died.

"Fuck." Jean cursed, his eyes glistening with tears that were threatening to fall. "Fuck." He shouldn't have asked, but it was too late, he could see the horror in your eyes, how afraid you were that night, how you were screaming for help but no one came.

For you to die, and the one who was responsible was your lover, he couldn't imagine the betrayal on your—

"But you know what's funny?" Hange spoke up once again, they were not finished yet. Their comrades immediately looked at them once again, asking for them to continue.

They sipped their coffee, recalling the gleam in your eyes, the comfort that they remembered up until now. There was no terror, you were not afraid of him even in your last moment. "There was no sign of resistance."

And that fact was enough to wake them up.

"Even from the start, when Eren choked her, she just stood there, letting him do it." They chuckled, almost maniacal. "Her eyes still shone with comfort as she looked at him. I-I always figure her out, I understand a lot of things about her. But, but I can't with this one."

They stopped, groaning as once again your eyes were the only thing that they could see. "I don't know anymore if she really believed that he must have to kill her for a reason," His hand shook the cup gently, letting the liquid swirl inside. "Or she believed that he would stop and let her go, even until she's gone for real."

And that last sentence broke them all.

The Marleyan couldn't look at the broken soldiers in front of them. Gabi and Falco pursed their lips, trying so hard to sleep. Annie who was sitting beside the unconscious Reiner, now having her pupils dilated as she understood the story, and who would be the mysterious woman that made them distressed like this.

Connie was silent as he kept gulping down water down his throat. Armin closed his eyes, but he could see it so clearly, the faith in your orbs. Jean just chuckled bitterly, muttering stupid woman again and again as tears were cascading down his cheek.

Then, Mikasa, her lips trembled as she tried not to sob. But whimpers already slipped, her empty cup fell to the ground as she put her hands on her ears as she wanted to stop the noises in her head. You brought joy, even in her life, and to be reminded that you were killed by Eren nonetheless, tore her apart.

The rest of the night was filled with nothing but sorrow. Tears accompanied them all to their sleep, silent weeps and choked-out sobs could be heard here and there.

Hange could only stay put under the white cloth that works as their blanket, staring into the dark green of trees, then went beyond that to see the night blue skies which adorned with stars. They subconsciously raised their hand, as if they were reaching for someone.

“Tell me, Hange!”

They tried to understand him, they really did. When they closed your eyes as you laid on the infirmary bed, they knew that you would appreciate it if they tried to understand why he killed you. Down in the basement, they tried to bait him with your condition, blaming him for how they lost another comrade.

“If there’s another way, then tell me what it is!”

But they were not you, they couldn’t see it. They wanted a reason but all they got from the man was just subtle answers, pain, anger, and how what he did was something inevitable. They just knew that he suffered too from what he had done, so perhaps it was enough.

They just wished — they could understand you.

"Oh, (Y/n)." They sighed, finally letting the tears slip down their cheeks. No one else saw them, it was just their lonely soul and the craving for your existence. "I think I didn’t know you enough."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ༶•┈┈⛧┈〄┈⛧┈┈•༶ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

His vision was supposed to be filled with lights, dark blue lights that came from the coordinate. He used to know it all, see it all, what happened in the world as he activated the rumbling, he could hear all the screams from those people underneath him. Trampled by gigantic power, without given any mercy.

He couldn't remember when it stopped. The terror, his friends fighting him so they could stop his plan — suddenly all he saw was just a bright pinkish sky. It was as if he was laying down on one of the clouds, soft and free.

The breeze tickled his long hair, good that it just swayed his brown strands softly, but not good enough to give him comfort.

Comfort, oh, how much he longed for that word.

The past few days had been so hard as he kept on living to grant freedom to the Island of Paradis. He could not count how many of his comrades died, how many of his followers ended up not seeing that freedom, let alone all the lives that he took.

And now when he knew that he failed, he chuckled as the realisation dawned upon him. After all these years — he was still the same useless boy.

"Eren."

He sat up in an instant. Dark green eyes searching for the source of where it came from. Surely he was not hallucinating, but that was a possibility. He didn't even know what this place, let alone believing that it was her voice.

"Hey, Eren."

But it was indeed your voice. No matter how many days or weeks passed after some time he had to part with you, he could always recognise that voice anywhere. Gentle, warm, and comforting, it felt like he was so close to heaven.

"You are here."

Then he felt it. He felt you. He looked down on his torso, finding two arms wrapped around him from behind. It felt so right as his hand slowly covered yours, testing it in case it was all in his head. But he could touch, he could trace his finger on the back of your hand.

He laughed, just a short one as he still processed what kind of magic existed in this place. You rested your chin on his shoulder, planting a peck on his cheek without warning that caused him to blush a hundred shades of red.

"(Y/n)?" He called out your name. "Are you real?" You only answered with a single hum. "How come are you real? Where is this place? Why am I here? I am not supposed to be here, I needed to finish the plan, Ymir is—"

You shut him up by placing your finger in front of his lips.

"You are free, Eren."

Silence. He could not understand that. Did it mean that he already died? But if that was the truth, why did he even feel more alive now compared to all those years that he spent before?

You slowly retracted your finger, pulling yourself from his embrace as gently as possible. Eren was still deep in thought, hands falling to the cloud-like ground he was sitting on right now. You stood up and walked in front of him, bare feet were now within his eyesight.

He could touch you before, and it didn’t feel like he was hallucinating. He felt your kiss before, and it made him sure that it was real. Bewildered, he looked up only to find you looking forward. Even though he felt that he was finally free, he was still curious about what happened in this moment.

"What is this place?" He asked again, now a lot calmer than before as he gazed at your face which showed nothing but peace.

"A transit." You started, eyes never leaving the glowing sight in front of you. "A place where you are finally free, but still misplaced since it was not the last destination where you should go." He hummed, processing your words that still felt unreal.

"Then why are you here?" All this afterlife thing was so foreign for him. "Why don't you leave and go to your last destination?"

"Oh, boy, you really asking me that?" You chuckled softly, snickering as if that was the dumbest question that you ever heard. Your eyes finally cast down to face him, and when he still looked so confused, you could only let out a sigh. "Because I am waiting for you, Eren."

You smiled wistfully, extending your hand for him to take. "What else could it be at this point?" He took it as he nodded at your answer. You helped him up, letting him stand by himself. And now as he looked around the endless clouds, he could finally embrace the fact that he was indeed — dead.

Anywhere he looked, he could only find the soft, white clouds refreshing the air. The colour was tinted orange as the sun in front of him shone like it would set anytime soon. But it had been perhaps minutes by now, and yet the colour never changed.

If he was finally here to feel his freedom, then he would take it. The world where he lived before was not his responsibility anymore. His friends had won, and it was not his place to ask for what happened next. Yes, he was ready to be free. But as he looked at you, he still had one, unanswered question that he needed to know.

"Hey, (Y/n)." He cleared his throat, melancholy striking his feature as your gaze met with his.

"Yes, Eren?"

How come you are here on his side? Why did you stay in this place alone just to wait for him? He killed you, why are you not running away? There was so much, so many questions that he never dared to ask you. But one, he needed to know the answer to this one question.

"Why don't you fight back when I try to kill you?"

You didn't flinch, you stood there with a neutral expression as if he just asked you if you had eaten before.

"Truthfully, Eren? I always thought that you were just trying to make me hate you. Looking at me with those cold eyes, tightening your grip like that." Your finger subconsciously went to your neck. "At first, I thought you were going to let me go at some point."

He could feel a lump start forming in his throat as he listened, tears were threatening to fall already. That was what you felt that night, you didn’t want to die. Of course, who in the right mind wanted to die? Let alone killed by someone that you loved.

"But as seconds passed and you were not loosening the grip, I understood." Then you continued, your hand now fell back to your side. Though, you still looked at him with earnestness written all over your face. "I understand that you had to kill me for a reason, that you knew it was for the best."

His breath hitched at your statement; which was supposed to make him feel guilty, to make him feel like he was not worthy of your faith. But with how there was no ill will nor sadness in your intonation, he couldn't feel any other feelings except — relief.

"So I believed in you, and I wanted you to know until the end that wherever I go next, I will always devote my heart to you."

You said it without doubt, as if you have been saying the same thing over and over again throughout your life. Yet somehow he could know that it was the truth. Perhaps you said that inside your heart for all the times that you spent with him.

While you still alive, you have put your faith in him, following him anywhere he goes. No one could sway your belief, you were devoted solely just to him. You praised his name, never leaving his side under any circumstances.

And he realised — that was the way you said you loved him.

So now, it was his time to do the same, to believe in you.

"Come on, Eren." You dusted the non-existent wrinkles on your clothes before extending your hand for him to take, a smile never leaving your face as you waited for him patiently. "Let's go home."

And without wasting another second, without any hesitation, he reached for your hand. The smile on your face widened at this, and the wind suddenly twirled around the two of you. He didn't know where home was, he didn't know where you would take him.

But as you started to walk in the direction of the sun, he followed. His eyes looked forward, dark green eyes turned into the emerald shade that was gone before. It was so beautiful, how he walked above the clouds, with your hand around his, guiding him to a new place called home.

Your laugh resonated in his ears as he caught up with you, gripping your hand tighter, afraid that he would lose you if he loosened up. Yet somehow he knew that he wouldn't have to be scared anymore.

Now he was finally free. From the burden on his shoulders, from the duty that was thrown at him by his ancestors, from the endless nightmare that he saw on each vision — it was all gone. And as his gaze fleeted toward your running form, he blinked in astonishment.

He saw you, a younger self of you perhaps, maybe when you were nine or ten. You looked beautiful, even with your hair slightly shorter, with chubby, adorable cheeks. Then you turned to face him, and he saw those glossy beads filled with purity.

And inside those, he saw a reflection. Of a boy not older than ten years old, with a brown outer and a sage green shirt, holding on to someone. Oh, it was him. He looked so free as he ran side by side with you, he looked so free with you leading him to his new home.

Laughter filled the air that surrounded you and him; high-pitched, carefree laughter that people would hear when children ran around the street to catch one another. That happy laugh slipped from both of your lips.

He held your hand tighter, not because he was afraid to lose you, but so he could feel your love even more. He ran with you faster, now becoming the one who followed you as he believed that you were going to take him somewhere, to the last destination.

A place where he could finally be free.

With you.

↪Back to Wall Maria

↪Citizen; @queenofcurse

↪Send an ask if you want to be a citizen of Paradis (taglist)!

[talesofnovembria]

"There's different pitfalls, but I don't envy you for growing up in Azeroth." Arthur keeps it simple. Azeroth had its downfalls and violent deaths were far more rampant. it was a war-torn world. But sometimes, knowing how the world was, he wasn't sure it was always better here. But maybe that was something he could think because he didn't grow up where Sal did. And that wasn't the point of his visit as it was.

Arthur nodded again. The bishop beside the queen moved out of the outer ring. "I'm not here to advocate for him. I understand both sides. He didn't handle things well because of how he felt. Asking him as a ghost not to act on emotion might be a fool's errand when that's what most ghosts are made from, but he was among friends. Being unable to talk without throwing insults is just...it wont' help anything. I don't think you considered everything, but you kept a level enough head that there could've been a conversation that got somewhere, even if it was just getting to the plan we did, but on better terms. It should've gone differently from pretty much the start. There shouldn't have been shouting or insults or jabs or things said to shut down others, emotionally or otherwise. It was.... a mess. And I guess it often is with us. But it didn't have to be. You would've listened. And he should've, too. "

He glanced up at Sal. "I am glad we did what we did. Splatter is.... I'm just glad we didn't risk anyone. I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if something happened to one of you, because of me. Not when it wouldn't kill me, but one of you could've died for it. It was the smart thing, not to test our luck with Splatter, regardless how capable any of us are."

He sighed. "But I know that you would've accounted for that if I could've just--- said it. Gotten the freaking words out. Because I know that you aren't reckless. Maybe in the heat of the moment, but you're not..... he was treating you like you're me. But you're not me. You're not impulsive and emotional like I know I can be. I just wish I could've said something. To point that out. To help things go smoother. To explain or keep things from going the way they did." He hated just being there. Helpless. He rapped his fingertips on the prosthetic, making soft metallic clicks with his nails.

She paused for a moment, noting the position of the bishop he had moved. She moved the pawn in front of her own bishop one space before folding her hands back in front of her, "I didn't, and I couldn't possibly. I don't know Splatter as well as you do, but that doesn't mean I can't make a plan accounting for what information I do know. Both of our plans would have ended up relying on luck, but mine simply had a more concreate ground to stand on withholding any information you had on him."

Her ears fell for a moment, giving a soft sigh, "It was the only possible choice without risk of confrontation, but you should know I have personal reasons why I would not want to put you under. You all know what my own condition is like. What the fae did to you was nearly the same thing. Agony until the condition is met... why would I not want to try and end it as soon as possible rather than letting it sit there? That pain is... hard to handle."

Her ears moved back up, her arm reaching across the table to take his hand off his metal one, but also to gain his attention, "Hey. Listen to me. You can't be placed at fault for that. The message got there in the end. You got it Frenzy, and we avoided him. Do not put the blame on yourself when you were doing all that you could."

She sighed again, "The fact of the matter is that if things don't change, this will happen again, and even if you are in top shape, you won't always be there when this happens again. If you're the one in danger, you won't be there to play the middle man. I have taken strides to better understand Frenzy and his emotions, now he must do the same in turn for me, something I feel he does not do when it's my turn. If I speak about myself, more often than not he sees it as a way to correct me, or point out something. That's not understanding me. He must learn that if we are put in this situation again that my methods are not because I feel expendable, nor think he is weak. It has always been that he is simply not the man for the job, or his skills are better used somewhere else in the plan."

"He has every opportunity to prove me wrong about my assessment of what he is and is not good at, but if he will continue to make personal jabs at myself rather than make an effort, then he is best left out of these plans, especially if others are around and agree with me."

[khoicesbyk]

Beloved.

A/N: I'm officially obsessed with Wolf Bride and what does one do when she's obsessed with a certain book? She writes an AU about it! 😁 So, Talley Ho! *in my Sherlock Holmes voice*

Rated: Mature. | Contains sexual content and strong language. (You know? The usual from me. 😁) | Bolded and/or italicized words are conversations and thoughts of the characters. | Main Characters: Roman (LI) and Naia Evans (MC) | All Characters and names: (except MC and original characters created by me) are property of Pixelberry.

Current Word Count: 2,007 words. (more or less. I stop counting after editing and re-editing. 🤷🏾‍♀️)

Tag List: @shewillreadyou @rideordiechronicles @bebepac @queenjilian @pixie88 @imturaxamara @lucy-268 @shannonsaid @shannonwrote @txemrn @aussieez @secretaryunpaid @texaskitten30 @blackkingliamstan

This series is rated Mature. It is NOT reading material that is safe for those under 18. Reader discretion is STRONGLY advised!

This series may contain spoilers. If you wish not to see spoilers, please do not read any further.

(Also this series is a slight deviation of the original story. In the original story, the werewolf hunter is a woman. But in this series the hunter is a man.)

Missing a chapter or want to read a chapter again? I got you covered! Click ——> Here!

If you’d like to be added to my tag list. Just reblog or dm me and I will gladly add you! 😁😘

Chapter 21.) Fractured.

Naia was rushed to the ER by Roman after being accidentally shot with a tranquilizer by Trent. But as Roman brought her to the ER something was wrong. She was exhibiting signs of a severe allergic reaction. But Roman didn't know what was causing it. He was thankful that Layla’s mother Joanna worked at the hospital. She would tell him what was wrong with Naia. But first, he had to deal with Trent and his crew being there.

It took all of the hospital security team and sheriff's department to separate Roman and the werewolves from Trent and his team. And that was before her parents showed up at the hospital and her mother raised hell with the staff about not wanting either of them there. As everyone waited in separate waiting areas, the tension and the air was thick. Rage, pain, shock, fear, and anxiety all mingled as each waited for news.

Roman and Trent kept their eyes on the hall. While Naia’s father had his eyes trained on the nurse's station. Laurie had her head resting on her husband’s shoulder with her eyes closed while holding on to her husband's hand. She was furious but more so she was terrified. Her daughter was in trouble and she didn't know how to help her.

The minutes felt like hours as they all waited for news of Naia’s condition. Laurie couldn't feel her daughter, no matter how hard she tried to tap into the bond they share. Finally, a doctor came down the hall with a chart in their hands. When Laurie looked up she and the doctor both recognized each other.

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“Well hello to you too Joey.”

“What are you doing at home after all these years?”

“A.) this isn't home. And B.) apparently my daughter was brought in by The Alpha.”

Joey shook her head.

“Well, this explains why I thought she looked familiar.”

“Whatever! Just tell me that you have news.”

“Well it’s good to see that you haven't changed one bit after all this time.”

“Joey…”

“It's Dr. Simpson, thank you.”

Laurie exhaled slowly.

“I do have news. But you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

“What is it?”

Dr. Simpson glanced over to where Roman and Trent were sitting. Shane rolled his eyes.

“Forget him! Tell me what is wrong with her.”

“It's best if we talk over here.”

She led Laurie and Shane to a corner of the waiting room out of earshot of everyone else.

“Her test results came back positive for a high-powered tranquilizer and…” she trailed off. It started to scare Laurie.

“What Joey? What else?”

The doctor sighed heavily.

“Wolfbane.”

Laurie and her husband both went pale.

“What did you just say?”

“You two heard me. When The Alpha brought her in, the Wolfbane had already begun to take effect.”

Laurie shook her head in disbelief. Shane stood there wide-eyed with his hand over his mouth.

“Because of the Wolfbane in her blood, your daughter went into anaphylactic shock.”

“Oh my God! Please don't tell me that my daughter is…”

“She’s alive. We had to put her under to save her life.”

“No. It can't be.”

“I am so sorry Laurie. But it is. And as you well know there is no cure for Wolfbane.”

“Not again…this can’t be happening.”

Laurie started shaking.

“I know more that this isn’t the news you wanted to hear. But the blood work isn’t lying.”

Shane steadied his wife before he spoke.

“Can we see her?”

“Yes. She’s just down the hall to the right. Room D17.”

Laurie ran past Trent and Roman with Shane not too far behind. When she got to the window outside of Naia’s room Laurie felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt like she was looking into a mirror at herself. Every painful memory of Hunt’s Peak that she ever had come flooding back. When they took just a few steps into Naia’s room, Laurie’s knees gave out on her, causing her to fall at the foot of the bed. Seeing her daughter like this made her inconsolably hysterical. And all her husband could do was try to help her up.

Shane was able to get her to the chair next to the bed. When she looked at Naia all she saw was herself those many years ago.

“This wasn't supposed to happen! Not to her!” she said as she cried.

“I know, baby.”

“My baby…my poor baby. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!”

“Laurie, please! It's not your fault.”

She heard him but she didn't care.

“You don't understand! This is my fault! I didn't protect her! I-I-I-I failed her…”

“Baby…”

“Naia please…wake up! You have to wake up!”

Shane knew she didn't mean it but she couldn't help but blame herself.

Meanwhile, Zane had shown up at the hospital. When he got to the front desk he ran into Dr. Simpson.

“Joey I got your call. What is it?”

She glared at him.

“Don’t you Joey me!”

“What? What did I do?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that your sister was home?!”

“Because it’s a small town and you two were bound to run into each other at some point?”

That’s when she punched him in the arm.

“OW! Geez! What was that for?”

“Zane!” she warned him.

“Look I’m sorry! She and her husband showed up a few weeks ago looking for my niece.”

“That’s another thing you failed to tell me about!”

“Now what?!”

“You didn’t tell me she had a daughter either!”

“Yeah well, you’ve been busy! And so have I!”

Joey rolled her eyes at him.

“Where is Laurie? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. Physically anyway. It’s your niece you need to be concerned about.”

Zane gave her a look that was half concerned and half confused.

“What do you mean?”

Joey took a deep breath before leading him out of earshot of everyone in the waiting areas.

“Your niece is suffering from Wolfbane poisoning. And it’s just as bad if worse than Laurie’s all those years ago.”

“That’s impossible Joey. Wolfbane was banned before Xander died.”

“You know that. I know that. And yet…”

Zane glanced over to where Roman and Trent were sitting.

“Well, that explains why they’re here.”

“Yes. The Alpha brought her in. And the Hunter…he’s the one who shot her.”

“He shot her?!”

“It was by accident. He was aiming for the Alpha when she stepped in and took the tranquilizer dart instead.”

Zane exhaled slowly.

“Does my sister know?”

“Not yet. She knows that your niece has been infected but she doesn’t know how she was infected. She and her husband are in there with your niece now.”

“It won’t take her long to figure it out. There’s only one way to be infected by Wolfbane.”

“Yes. I’m well aware. I just can’t believe this happened twice. No one here at the labs would do this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I run the ER. I know for a fact that the higher-ups are terrified of The Alpha. They think he’s just like Xander.”

Zane looked at Joanna and coughed awkwardly into his hand.

“Just so you know I haven't told her anything.”

“So you didn't tell her you’re gonna be a grandfather?”

“No, I didn't tell her. Squirt would lose her shit if she found out you and I had a kid together. So we're gonna keep it that way. And if she asks you…Peabody is Layla’s father.”

“Fine. Now go check on them. They need you.”

Zane shook his head sadly.

“You wanna tell her that?”

“What do you mean?”

“She's selling the house.”

“What?!”

“I've been staying at Toby’s for the last few weeks.”

“Why didn't you say something?”

“Because you would've asked a million and one questions that I didn't have answers to.”

Joey sighed.

“Still you could've said something to me!”

“Look, Naia called and said she was coming to town and didn't want her mother to know. And I knew if I told you…there was a slight possibility that you would've told Laurie.”

“And yet here we are.”

“Yup. Laurie showed up and all hell nearly broke loose.”

“What do you mean?”

“Squirt went toe to toe with The Alpha.”

Joey’s eyes went wide.

“Just like she did with his father.”

“She's gonna get herself killed one day.”

“I know.”

Zane looked over at Roman.

“Does he know about Naia?”

“No. Not yet. I’ll tell him. ”

“Okay. I'm gonna go check on them.”

“Good. They're down the hall to the right. Room D17.”

“Thank you Joey.”

As Zane went to walk past the waiting area, Roman caught his wrist. Zane swallowed hard before turning to face Roman.

“Do you know what's wrong?”

Before Zane could answer, Dr. Simpson spoke up.

“Come with me Alpha.”

Roman cocked an eyebrow at Zane before quietly following the doctor away from him.

When Zane got to the room Naia was in he stopped outside the door. He looked through the window and saw his sister huddled over Naia. It broke his heart to see her so distraught. It reminded him of the night she was here years ago. And that he didn't listen to her, that he didn't believe her then. He quietly opened the door and stepped inside. When he walked in, Laurie looked up at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Joey called. She said you were here and I thought—”

He trailed off when he looked at Naia.

“You thought what? That I was here in a bed again just like I was all those years ago?”

“I—”

That's when Shane cut him off.

“Well, you’re here. Are you happy?”

“I didn't know Naia was here until I got here and got punched in the arm.”

“Sounds like Joey.”

“She told me that—”

“It was Wolfbane poisoning?”

“Yes. I just can't believe that it happened again.”

Laurie scoffed and Zane looked down at the floor.

“The Alpha is out in the waiting area. So is Trent. I don't think they know.”

“They were here when we got here.”

That's when they heard shouting between both sides coming from up the hall. And Laurie had heard enough.

Something inside her snapped.

It felt like a dam had broken within her when she stood up.

“You two stay here.”

“Where are you going?”

“There's something that I have to take care of.”

Zane and Shane shared a worried look as Laurie stormed out of the room. When she got towards the end of the hall, the shouting and accusations between Trent and Roman grew louder.

“This is your fault!”

“Don't blame me!”

“Fine! How about I rip your head off? Would you like that?”

Trent scoffed.

“I’d love to see you try Balto.”

They stopped arguing when Laurie turned the corner.

“Oh please don’t stop bickering on my account.”

The look on her face was a mix of rage and pain. She glared at them both with her arms crossed.

“It shouldn’t surprise me that you two are at each other’s throats. Because in all honesty you idiots are the reason why my daughter is currently fighting for her life!”

“What?!”

“Let me summarize: Naia is in a coma, because of Wolfbane.”

Roman and Trent looked at each other then looked at her.

“What is that?”

“I’m glad you asked Alpha. If you must know, Wolfbane is a poison that your father had created.”

Roman looked at her incredulously.

“Did I mention that he created it with Bernard Sayre?”

Both men were stunned.

“Judging by the looks that you both have, I assume that neither of you know what I’m talking about. So here’s a little project for you: why would Xander and Bernard Sayre work together on anything?”

“Impossible!”

“Far be it from me to agree with the mutt but he’s right.”

Laurie issued one last declaration to them.

“One more thing, as of right now both of you will NOT step foot into this hospital!”

She then turned on her heel walking down the hall. Leaving them in shock.

[littlestrawberries]

ii wanted to post this ages ago, but forgot to so i might as well do it now.

i've been living with chronic pain the majority of my life. since kindergarten, actually. it started with my back, and, in middle school, my knees and wrists started to hurt, too. they've only gotten worse, in truth, and many days i struggle to get up and do anything. i can't cook, clean, go down my stairs, or even write anymore. a bunch of the things i love doing are so difficult to do now, and i'm only nineteen.

i don't even know what's wrong with me. the majority of my time with this pain has been spent with doctors telling me that i needed to lose weight (ignoring that i was only a little overweight when my back started hurting) and, even now, with a doctor that didn't immediately blamed it on me being fat, i've only had a handful of tests done and only one condition considered. my doctor only had one wrist and one knee x-rayed, and has ignored me when i mention the other joints. i don't even have an inkling of what could be happening to my body, and that's terrifying.

in fact, navigating life with chronic pain has been terrifying. i never know when it'll flare up, or how bad it will be. i don't know if i'm going to end up crying in public or unable to stand. it's like having something invisible attached to my joints and eating away at them, and no one but me really knows that it's happening.

so far, the only relief i've gotten is by using one of my wrist braces that can be microwaved as a heating pad, as i can't afford an actual heating pad. no pain meds have helped. i can't do exercises, topical pain relievers are hard to manage when so much of your body needs it and aren't that helpful, either, etc. it's hard. it's really hard.

i just wanted to talk about that. thank you to anyone who's read everything.

[kramlabs]

So You Want To Believe The So-Called 'Experts'?*

By Karl Denninger

Let's go down the list.

This virus was newly discovered in January of 2020. FALSE; Judicial watch has now proved that Fauci and the NIH knew that Covid-19 was diagnosed no later than December 2nd 2019 in Wuhan. This was deliberately concealed under confidentiality agreements between China and the NIH. In short Dr. Fauci and the NIH knowingly and repeatedly lied about the time of first discovery and diagnosis and it is documented that this was known in February and early March and not disclosed. We also now know with scientific certainty that the virus was in the US no later than the second week of December of 2019 because antibodies were found in about 1.5% of blood donations from that time. This, along with the sequencing back-computation I performed in early 2020 places the latest the virus entered the US as sometime in October of 2019 and from the blood bank data it is scientifically proved it had infected about 1.5% of the population, or roughly 4 million people in the US, by the second week of December 2019. This in turn means that we had widespread disease which was blamed on something else. Indeed we handled all 4 million of those cases just fine up until the hysteria started, didn't we? You didn't even know those 4 million sick people, and those who died of it, existed prior to the hysteria being ginned up.

15 days will slow the spread. "If we all stay home and minimize contact for 15 days -- including closing businesses, schools and not traveling -- Covid will be under control and we can trace infections and stop it." FALSE and we now know impossible because the virus was already all over the country on an uncontrolled basis by that time and the NIH knew the virus had been circulating for at least a month earlier than they admitted at the time. It is true that if you immediately slam your borders shut 100% you can trace and quarantine yourself out of a transmissible epidemic -- at the cost of essentially all external trade, travel and tourism. But Fauci factually knew when we started that this was impossible because the virus had been spreading here for at least two months at the time and we hadn't done a thing about it for those two months. We were later to learn it was four months and perhaps longer.

If you give us 30 more days (remember, this is now six weeks to slow the spread) it'll work. FALSE AGAIN for the same reason; the NIH and Fauci knew there was no possible way to contain the virus when the original 15 days expired as he knew, factually, that the virus had been uncontained for at least three months.

But the lockdowns and restrictions worked to save lives! Nope; this is called the "exception fallacy" and now a peer-reviewed journal entry demonstrates it. We knew this early on too; indeed for five decades we've had "pandemic response plans" that make clear that once you have widespread community dispersion of an infectious agent attempting to lock down people or impose any other sort of non-pharmaceutical intervention is futile and causes harm. We ignored said decades of hard-won experience -- intentionally.

We don't have enough ventilators! FALSE; not one of the DPA-produced ones was ever needed; NY's Governor lied and had plenty of them, as did everyone else.

Ventilators not only are needed they will save lives. FALSE; they killed nearly everyone put on one then, and still do. We knew they didn't work in February as they killed 95% of the people put on then in Wuhan and this had been reported out by March.

This is mostly a community-spread disease in places like stores, bars, restaurants, churches, concerts and the local city street. FALSE; the CDC itself documented that more than half of all transmission was happening in homes and the next largest, and only other statistically material spread was occurring in industrial (e.g. meat packing) plants and health care settings. Nashville suppressed the fact that they could only trace about one percent of infections to social businesses such as bars and restaurants and now the CDC itself has stated that less than 1% of spread is traceable to such public venues as restaurants and bars. In other words we knew by late spring of 2020 the restrictions, including business closures, school shutdowns and masks couldn't work as that's not where the virus was spreading; we couldn't shut down the industrial plants without starving the population and destroying both energy production and sanitary services leading to an immediate societal and economic collapse. Nor could we invade every house and forcibly segment positive-tested people either; we had neither the resources nor would they get away with it without the cops and government goons being turned into swiss cheese. And when it comes to health care we could have segregated Covid-19 facilities and the people working in care homes but intentionally did not.

Asymptomatic transmission is a major risk. FALSE. Over millions of contacts traced in China not one was ever proved to be from an asymptomatic person. There has never been scientific evidence that asymptomatic spread has been material in any pandemic through history and there is no documented evidence of material asymptomatic spread for Covid-19 in the US or anywhere else. Worse, symptomatic persons least able to afford to call out sick due to lack of paid sick time or even the threat of being fired are those in low-wage and high-contact jobs such as fast food, grocery, meatpacking and other "essential" service industries never mind care home employees who are poorly paid and often moonlight in home health care among extremely vulnerable people.

We had no way to stop the nursing home deaths and did the best we could. FALSE. I pointed out immediately after Kirkland occurred that isolating the employees from all general public interaction, effectively creating a bubble, would stop nearly all of the transmission into these environments. We happened to have a lot of empty hotels at the time too. Yes, we would have had to pay significant bonuses to entice employees to go nowhere other than that hotel room and to work but we could have, and if we did it would have saved nearly 50% of those who died in the first four months. Not one so-called "expert" demanded or even suggested doing so but I was calling for exactly this in March of 2020. This, of course leaves aside the various Executive Orders that intentionally seeded the virus into nursing homes in multiple states by multiple Governors. Indeed even this winter in still-locked-down New York there was still no segregation of employees and residents were killed in size by infection brought into the care home by employees. Recent small case number spikes have been associated with vaccine distribution. How's that possible? There's only one rational explanation: The health care workers are giving the virus to the patients getting the shot! And yet we are still told that all these people are "heroes" and don't you dare forget it.

We didn't -- and don't -- have early treatment options that work. FALSE; Japan spent their effort on early treatment and keeping people out of hospitals. They have roughly a third of our population and only 8,000 dead people. Japan is far more-dense population-wise than us yet did a hell of a lot better despite having a materially older population. What Japan didn't do, in short, is spread the disease via their health care workers. In short if you went to the hospital you were likely to die; this has proved out in my own county in Tennessee with a >60% death rate. Up until we started with the panic porn -- the entire first three months of this outbreak in the US until March of 2020 -- we did fine too despite the virus being literally everywhere for months. We in fact knew of several early treatment candidate drugs, all cheap and available, in March of 2000 and exactly zero of them were investigated by the NIH, CDC or any of the so-called "public health" institutions such as Vanderbilt, IHME, Johns Hopkins and others. Those physicians and even hospital systems who did investigate them on their own were derogated, attacked and in some cases even threatened with license suspensions and other sanctions which continue to this day.

Age is the primary determinant of risk. FALSE; obesity and the panoply of health conditions caused and exacerbated by being a fat-ass is the primary determinant of risk. Nations with lower obesity prevalence have a ten times lower or better risk of death from Covid-19 on a per-100,000 population basis. Obesity is in each and every instance a lifestyle choice. This was known very early on in the NY Coroner data which is updated frequently; only six persons 75 and older have died of Covid without one of a relatively short list of underlying conditions -- and over 10,500 died with one or more. Simply put most of those who died deliberately put themselves in a medically compromised condition through their own lifestyle choices just a person who drinks too much and ruins their liver decided to drink. Absent those personal lifestyle decisions the death rate from this disease, while certainly not zero, is approximately half as likely as death due to an automobile accident over a year's time. Read here -- this is exactly what I pointed out one year ago. Who's been right on this -- and who's been wrong?

Existing drugs will not work and we have no existing treatments until you're hospitalized; we must develop new treatments and vaccines. FALSE. The data is that ivermectin works, among others. A trial out of Australia conducted in Britain (they locked everything in and did not have enough people in Australia who were sick) showed Budesonide (a cheap inhaled steroid used for asthma) works if given immediately when someone becomes symptomatic. The latter trial was stopped because it was ruled unethical to not give the controls the medicine since it prevented ninety percent of hospitalizations. Ivermectin has worked in every trial run thus far except one recently reported study the authors themselves state cannot prove effectiveness as the necessary deterioration in cases to do so was violated to the downside immediately, possibly due to widespread community use of the drug. The data on HCQ says it works if used early but appears to be worthless if not used until you're in the hospital. Remdesivir, which has an EUA, was disproved -- that is, shown worthless in a very large trial called "Solidarity" (along with several other drugs) and yet is still being used as it is on-patent and expensive. No drug works 100% of the time nor should it be expected to, but we should damn well not continue to use drugs that are proved worthless just because they cost $3,000 and the FDA issued an EUA for them. Deliberately not treating people until they're choking to death is monstrous and has resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths, many if not most of them avoidable at a cost of a few dollars.

Masks are the best tool we have to stop the spread and, if you just wear them for a few -- 4, 6, 8 weeks -- we will have Covid under control. Stated under oath before Congress by the CDC's director in September following multiple previous statements over a two month period in the summer by the CDC and NIH which urged (and got) the issuance of mandates. FALSE and known false as Hawaii took a ten times case rate spike a month after their mandate. This was known before Redfield perjured himself before Congress. There are ZERO states which did not take a monstrous spike in the winter despite mandates including California with the most-strict lockdowns and mask mandates in the nation. Compliance via multiple surveys has been around 90% with no evidence of effectiveness anywhere against non-mandate states and counties next door. Those states including South Dakota and Florida who repudiated the mandates or refused to issue them in the first place had identical or better outcomes than the states and locales that imposed them. The CDC has now itself published a MMWR (weekly report) in which they "claim" masks work -- their definition of "work" is a shockingly tiny 1-2% decrease in deaths and this assumes you ignore the confounding elements in their study that could invalidate even that tiny impact. In other words despite the nearly year-long and continual screaming about masks even the CDC itself now states that out of the 500,000 dead only 5,000-10,000 lives were saved at best and statistically-speaking it is entirely possible zero lives were saved. REMEMBER, WE WERE TOLD IN THE SUMMER AND EARLY FALL THAT MASKS WOULD ABSOLUTELY CONTROL THE VIRUS AND IN FACT THE CDC STATED UNDER OATH THAT MASKS WERE BETTER PROTECTION THAN A VACCINE. THIS LIE WAS REPEATED FOR MONTHS AND IS STILL BEING REPEATED TODAY. This wasn't a random statement made "off the cuff" it was made under oath to Congress five months ago and has, over time and by the data, been conclusively proved to be a lie.

The new strains will cause another spike even worse than the last one. FALSE; this was stated originally in the fall and repeated in December through February and yet since then cases have dropped like a stone despite these "new strains" becoming more and more prevalent. Florida in particular has documented widespread prevalence of one of the "demon strains" that were trumpeted in Fauci's fear porn. There has been no spike. Incidentally viruses mutate all the time; within the first few months there were hundreds of distinct viral RNA strains of Covid-19 known and that was only of the infections sequenced -- a tiny minority. If our actions do lead to new strains (specifically our ridiculously-unsound mass-vaccination campaign) and viral evasion occurs you may well be more screwed if you took the vaccine due to ADE than if you did not!

The Super Bowl will cause a huge case, hospitalization and death spike in Florida due to the ridiculously crowded parties and no masks in bars and similar all over the Tampa area. In fact the mayor threatened to arrest people for exactly this reason (an empty threat as the Governor had banned enforceability of said mandates.) FALSE; there has been no spike. Look for yourself; it's been over a month and cases, hospitalizations and deaths are all falling. Where's the spike?

Texas dropping its mask order will lead to mass-disease and death. FALSE; there has been no spike at all. Biden called the move "Neanderthal thinking" and predicted disaster, as did California's Newsom among myriad others, both among political leaders and so-called "medical experts" such as Fauci. Multiple lefties claimed that "there is no limit to how far Republicans will go to kill people." The truth is that Covid-19 cases fell by 28% in the next two weeks. The histrionics were, once again, wrong.

If we social distance and wear masks we will buy enough time for the vaccines to be developed and approved. FALSE. The case and hospitalization rate on a national basis peaked and was falling before the first jab went in the first arm. That which you do after something happens cannot be the cause. Simply put the vaccines did not stop any of the death; despite the lack of testing and rushed approvals they came too late.

The only people who count for "herd immunity" are those vaccinated. FALSE; never in history has such a lie been propagated for any disease, ever, anywhere. The CDC by its own estimates puts the lower boundary of persons infected and recovered at over 1/3rd of the nation and that's their lowest estimate. By more-reasonable belief the number is over half. Those people have immunity and absolutely count. Further, we knew in the first months that a material percentage of the population has pre-existing resistance to some degree, likely due to previous infection with other coronaviruses. This is why the case rate peaked before fully-vaccinated persons existed in the US; there is no other possible explanation.

Even if you've had the disease and recovered you should get vaccinated. There is zero science behind this claim. If you've had the measles or Chicken Pox would you take a vaccine against either? I certainly would not and have not; that would be pointless and stupid. The claim that there is no durable protection once infected is nothing more than conjecture; note that coronaviruses circulate among us all the time and while immunity may not be perfect (e.g. eventually you may well get it again) the odds are extremely high that if you do it will be a mild case and of no clinical or personal significance. Suggesting that you take the risk of an experimental vaccine if you were previously infected is wildly inappropriate; there is no such thing as a drug without risk and there is zero scientific evidence that your acquired immunity will not protect you against serious disease.

Even if you've been vaccinated or had the disease and recovered you should wear a mask and distance from others. FALSE, unless you believe the vaccines are worthless. If you believe the vaccine protects the person who takes it then you no longer need a mask or to distance and since others can choose to take a vaccine or not you have no reason to wear a mask or distance for allegedly protecting others either. If you do not believe the vaccines are effective protection then why did you take it? In short you either believe that you gain immunity by vaccination or infection or you do not; if you do then there's no reason for you to take any measures beyond either recovery or completion of the vaccination. Further, if you don't believe infection and recovery provides meaningful and durable protection then neither will the vaccine so the same scenario applies to both cases and if you do not then believe the shots are protective then you are stupid for accepting them.

These are the very same people folks -- the NIH, the CDC, State Departments of Health, Fauci, Harvard, Johns Hopkins, IHME, Vanderbilt and many more who now tell you after a solid year of unbroken lies and falsehoods that the vaccines are both safe and effective while at the same time our government has provided a 100% waiver of all liability to the pharmaceutical companies that developed and manufactured them.

I note that unlike the other common vaccines that are safe and effective, and which took 10+ years to so-prove, the mechanism of action of these shots are wildly different; they use only part of the virus and rather than introduce it into your body they hijack your cellular metabolism to produce the spike protein exactly as would a replicating infection with the virus, but since only the "spike" is there rather than the entire virus the hypothesis is that hijacking your cellular metabolism in this fashion will not hurt you. While for other vaccines the immunity produced is metabolically identical to infection because a killed whole virus that cannot replicate is used in this case the shots deliberately cause replication in your body of only one part of the virus, the spike protein. This is not identical to the broad immunity provided by natural infection because it can't be with this approach; if the entire virus was used you'd get the disease and it would be systemic in every case instead of localized to your upper respiratory tract. Further, unlike a killed virus vaccine that cannot replicate in your body at all these shots all cause production of the spike protein by your cells exactly as would an infection and that production is systemic since it is given by injection and thus circulates through the body.

The safety of this approach is unproved and in fact the rate of deaths closely associated with these vaccines is wildly higher than that associated with any of the other routinely given vaccinations including flu and chicken pox. The intermediate and longer-term effects of this approach including the possibility of long-term or even permanent damage as a result of systemically hijacking your cellular metabolism to produce that foreign protein are unknown.

Unlike a mask you can remove you cannot un-take a shot and the litany of those previous lies killed over 400,000 Americans who otherwise would not have died.

What if their statements are false this time, specifically on safety? What if viral evasion shows up as did during early trials for a SARS vaccine in animals, trials that were abandoned and not performed for these preparations? It typically takes ten years to know if a candidate vaccine produces unacceptable side effects including lifetime disability due to immune dysfunction, never mind exactly how effective it is and for how long. Further, the media and these people continually claim that nobody has been killed by these vaccines yet VARES, the CDC's own reporting data which is public, shows roughly two thousand associated deaths. The number of associated deaths with the annual flu shot from last year's flu vaccination which shipped roughly 170 million doses, was twenty-six.

That means the Covid-19 shots are associated thus far with roughly seventy five times (7,500%) as many deaths as last year's entire set of flu vaccines! Remember that we give flu vaccines to old and morbid people just like the first priority for Covid-19 vaccines, so these should produce similar "associated" rates of bad events if they are similarly safe.

VARES reporting is voluntary and thus always under-reports vaccine-associated events. Association does not establish causation but a pattern of 75 times as many deaths as are associated with another commonly-given vaccine in the same population group damn well ought to raise anyone's eyebrows; to claim that such does not represent a "safety signal" is a flat-out lie.

I remind you that the false statements of alleged facts outnumber, by a wild margin, the true ones particularly when it comes to things you were told to do that "would work" to stem the spread of this virus. Every single one of those claims has been proved false over time.

In short you're now being exhorted to believe a cadre of people and government agencies who are proved repeated liars and to trust them with your life after their previous lies killed your mother.

The facts are that Covid-19 basically burned itself out before the first shot went in the first arm and that none of the mitigating factors prevented net deaths from occurring; in fact all these mitigations, from mask orders to lockdowns to closing businesses and others caused more deaths due to ODs, suicides, avoidable heart attacks and strokes not screened for and other maladies by a wide factor than the mitigations, even using fatally flawed claims taken on faith by these very same agencies, could have possibly saved. The actions we could have taken to actually reduce death, specifically as regards care home and other medical facilities we deliberately refused to do and we knew those actions would save lives. Instead of protecting the most-vulnerable while those least-likely to be seriously harmed were naturally infected and built a wall of population immunity we deliberately refused to protect those older and sicker people from infection via the health care system and they died.

Given this record of falsehoods, actions and intentional refusals to act you're willing to bet your life they're telling the truth this time?

Even without full testing there may be reason for certain people to accept the vaccine, particularly those at specifically-high risk who have not had the virus. However, on the data if you are not specifically morbid in known ways the risk of death from Covid-19, by the CDC's own data along with that of the NY coroner, is approximately 3/100,000. From the associated deaths in the CDC's own VARES system it appears the vaccines are approximately as dangerous to materially more dangerous than the disease in non-morbid individuals and that is without having any data on intermediate and longer-term effects which can only add to those risks. Further, if you've already been infected with Covid-19 you already have broad immunity and there is zero scientific evidence that vaccination can be of any value to you whatsoever.

When do we stop allowing people like Fauci, the CDC, Joe Biden, Donald Trump and Governors along with various health departments to lie through their teeth about virtually everything related to this virus?

Is not your dead Grandmother enough reason to put a stop to this horse**** -- and all who support it?

Original article has hyperlinks. Link: https://market-ticker.org/akcs-www?post=241875