#dossy speaks

[sliding-into-space]

This blog isn't abandoned, I'm just working full time, and in my last semester of school XD so I'm a bit burned out writing wise, BUT I SHALL RETURN. >:)

[dossypet]

Reminder that Pro-shippers, any supporters of pedo content, including aging up children to ship with an adult, and incest shippers, are never welcome on this blog, nor have they ever been and will be blocked.

[fancifulpurposelesslovely]

hello!! I have newly joined the summer sons fandom and if you are in the mood to do some character extrapolation, I’m so curious to know how/if you see Sam and Andrew’s ~dynamic~ progressing post-canon? I read your exchange about the canonical power dynamics between them with another user and I found both of your viewpoints fascinating and insightful so like if it would be fun for you I’d love to hear more! Do you think they ever explicitly acknowledge it between each other? Who do you think brings it up if so? I feel like Andrew would have some complicated shame-adjacent feelings to work through based on what he internalized from Eddie as “appropriate masculinity” if anyone like made him explicitly acknowledge how much he gets out of and enjoys casual submission, but I can’t get a handle on how Sam would think about it? I also feel like Andrew would rather die than bring it up at least in terms of where he is at with his communication skills immediately post-canon. Idk! If it would be interesting for you to think it talk about I would love to hear your thoughts!!

Pretty much one of my favorite topics in general, anon! Just wanted to wait until I had time to sit down at a real keyboard for this.

So I've definitely tried to think about how their relationship and any dynamic might evolve post-canon, and I've got a very quick post on the subject:

And this is largely still my main opinion. I think they're very intelligent and wild and very specifically sheltered in a way that Riley had to break out of for his own sanity a lot earlier than Sam or Andrew did. So Riley would either buy a couple of books online or get some from a library or something, leave them in a bag on Andrew's bed with a note, and hope they never had to speak about Andrew's relationship with Riley's cousin ever again. He might also beg Ethan to jump in and be another source of information on the gays and the intricacies of kink stuff. Not because Ethan is necessarily an expert or involved himself, I think he would just find it interesting and wouldn't have the personal squick about Sam.

(For the record, I think Riley would grab The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy and Paradigms of Power and Negotiating Your Power Dynamic Relationship by Raven Kaldera to start. Or at least, those authors are where I tend to start.)

I do think the almost breaking each other and the general fucking up will be an important part of it all because these boys are not naturally drawn to lengthy verbal communication about their wants, desires, and issues. A lot of it would be done by feel, by vibe, by following body language. Assumptions, wrestling that starts playful and gets to be more, setting up mutual unspoken expectations for each other, then getting pissed/hurt when the other person didn't live up to them 100% of the time because they didn't really know they were supposed to. Sam being slightly too critical of Andrew on a day where Sam is tired and overwhelmed and Andrew is a little fragile, not realizing Andrew would hold onto that for days because Sam "didn't think his opinion mattered that much." (no no that's not personal experience talking, ofc not). Andrew getting in the habit of grabbing Sam refills or new drinks or being the runner for different party chores, then one night just not having the energy or not feeling appreciated and just refusing to do it. Sam and Andrew both not understanding why Sam got so annoyed about it and why their relationship cools down for a couple of days. Little shit like this that's fairly visible from the outside if either of them has a tendency to bitch about it or if you share a living room with them on a regular basis.

I think they do eventually talk about it (this might not be in character for canon and I may have just decided because I want them to, but I'm sticking with it.) I think Andrew would probably read a couple of chapters of the books Riley gave him, panic about it, ignore them for weeks, try again, repeat cycle. I agree that he would have a lot of hang-ups around masculinity and being "like that", but I also think he'd recognize himself and recognize parts of his relationship with Eddie. He'd eventually see that what he and Eddie had been together had been really unhealthy, and maybe it could have been something better and stronger and real, if either of them had ever figured out how to talk about it.

Eventually though, stuff would resonate enough that he'd feel the need to talk to Sam, or he'd be weird about stuff for weeks and Sam would tell him to spill or get over it. So Andrew would bring the books over and try to talk about what Riley had pointed out or what parts of the books were speaking to him, and they'd alternate Andrew being stubborn and recalcitrant and blushy/interested, and Sam would probably laugh it off at first but when that clearly hurt Andrew's feelings, he'd try to hear him out. Sam would chase the blushes and the interest, but he'd probably have complicated feelings about being explicitly asked to lead Andrew in this way. On the one hand I think it would feel like another responsibility that he's being asked to shoulder, but on the other I think he could come to recognize that this is the kind of relationship he wants and that he's wanted to build before without having the words for it. And I think he would recognize what it does for Andrew and what Andrew' submission could mean for him (Sam). Picking up one responsibility in exchange for being able to put down others. Feeling cared for and appreciated even as he cares for Andrew.

I think after talking about it they'd still fuck up sometimes. I think they'd still feel weird about drawn out explicit negotiations and there would be a lot of joking and a little arguing and maybe substances to get through some of those vulnerable conversations. It would take time and patience.

One of my fics gives a pretty explicit example of how I think kink/power would play into their relationship later (be warned, it's entirely a piss kink fic, we blame mark.) Another fic plays a little bit more with the abstract and the subtle undertones.

Did this answer the question? I went all over the place with it. Thanks for giving me reasons to think about it again!!!

[dr-dick-stuff]

The Ethical Slut turns 80

— A talk with poly fairy grandmother Dossie Easton ‘The Ethical Slut’ co-author Dossie Easton. She co-wrote the book on living and loving openly. Here, she speaks to us about her decades of experience. By Caitlin Donohue Twenty-something me would have been verklempt: I was set to interview Dossie Easton, one of the co-authors of The Ethical Slut. The venerable sex and relationship therapist,…

[doggos-with-jobs]

This is Sammy! He is my emotional support dog at school and helps me with panic attacks and the like! He was in the shelter a full year before I found him!!!

[an-ordinary-roach]

🙌

This is Teach! But her real name is Rethzalan, Bor just likes calling her teach cuz it annoys her.

She goes by she/her or they/them!~

yeah, she's that big;;

She carries bor like that a lot since they tend to wander off a lot, you can see the grooves of where her teeth were if you trace your hand on Bor's body. It doesn't hurt bor thankfully.~

Like all knoxonks they have elements tied to them and Reth's is Fire, earth, and shadow (because of this she tends to smell like a forest fire that fills said person with unease.)

Her personality is a lot like one too, she speaks somberly and hushed as if something grave happened but it always carries a bit of hope in her words. though she can still ignite into a rage if tampered too much.

She has already taken up Dossi and Une under her wing so Bor was the last even if she told herself 'I'm not guiding any more *knoxlings, This is too tiring'(*a term of halfbreeds)

But no- Bor and their plague/rot element compelled Reth to take him up and teach him how to knoxonk and control his power-

Reth isn't exactly a free knoxonk nor is she owned by a lich or necromancer(or any magic-user), she tends to drift among them which is sorta uncommon for these guys!

She's roughly aware of what's going on in her knoxling's lives but she doesn't really delve into it unless Une, Dossi, and Barbor prompt it themselves.

Even if the three do get on her nerves she's fiercely protective of them all.

[sliding-into-space]

Raspberry, Charcoal, Lilac, Apricot, Steel, Sapphire - Moe✨

-Raspberry: "I need your help to kill God."

Oh fuck dude I know where to find em, you gotta be down to drinking made amounts of 7/11 slushies and Denny pancakes at 3:27am tho-

-Charcoal: "You have the best takes"

😭💞 tyyyyy

-Lilac: "You make my dash better and I cherish you." YOU MAKE MY DASH BETTER 💞💞 (UNO REVERSE)

-Apricot: "I'm slowly poisoning you everyday"

Soooooo this *ISN'T* magic friendship tea you've been sending me? Hmmmm.

Steel: "You post the most beautiful art/fics/edits"

Y'ALL ARE BEING TOO NICE TO ME IMMA GET A BIG FAT EGO OR SOMETHING.... keep going. /j 😂

Sapphire: "I want to put you under a microscope and study you."

No need to go to that extreme if you wanna get a close up, how about dinner at olive garden first (lip bite emoji here)

[dossypet]

Wanna rp

Hi! You submitted this to my only non-rp blog 😂 so I have no idea what muse this is aimed towards. Also I checked out your rules and don't think we work well together for RP, good luck though! :)

[thegamemasternetwork]

REBECCA'S WATER BROKE -Try Not to Say Wow Challenge In Real Life

We need to get Rebecca to the emergency room because her water broke! It all started when Rebecca Zamolo fainted after pregnancy reveal. Next Matt and Rebecca uploaded “Don’t CHOOSE the WRONG Slip N Slide Truth or Dare Challenge.” Finally the Game Master Network created “Sneaking RZ twin out of prison.” Now in order to find out who can last the longest without saying wow, Rebecca hired a magician, hypnotist and a contortionist to get us to say wow in real life. Something is wrong with the hypnotist. The magician is funny though. But the contortionist is a clown which is Rebeccas biggest fear. There are also some surprise guests and other surprises just like Sofie Dossi. Who do you think can last before being eliminated like in among us. Who is sus? Thanks for watching my funny entertainment mystery vlog videos in 2021!

Our New Game Master Summer Schooled Book – http://bit.ly/TGMSummerSchooled​

Bailey – https://www.youtube.com/user/baileypayne12

The Game Master Network App Apple Store https://apps.apple.com/us/app/id15195… Google Play https://play.google.com/store/apps/de…

More awesome videos! Royalty Family – SPEAKING ONLY SPANISH for 24 Hours!!! (HE WENT CRAZY) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ikxFGEnDTM

123 Go! | SUMMER PARENTING HACKS || Smart Tips For Parents https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yf3i9i5EQ4

SSSniperwolf | 3D Art That Will Blow Your Mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMj7nelDfYw

Zamfam Gaming | PIGGY ROBLOX Do Not Play at 3am Challenge https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI_RTb3c39Y

Get ZamFam merch! rebeccazamolo.com Rebecca Zamolo Social Media Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rebeccazamolo/ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccazamolo Twitter https://www.twitter.com/rebeccazamolo Facebook https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.zamolo See the Challenge Video Published 2021-08-28 14:11:52

The post REBECCA'S WATER BROKE -Try Not to Say Wow Challenge In Real Life appeared first on The Gamemaster Network.

[benjimirthursby]

"Before and Again." - The Book of Thursby: Scions of Numenor [SB]

*Revised from Prompt 8 of FFXIV Write “Clamor.”  See end-notes.

"By the reckoning of years on home shores the fleet had been in flight thousands of years.  There were as many years ahead of the fleet before reaching the intended galaxy.  From the beginning, if there is such a thing, it was resolved not to compromise the mission in vain hope of finding a way to shorten or speed the journey.  Few temptations to break faith with their mandate were greater than that in Arda 922." 

- Tinifalas Thursby, "Seven Stars in the Horizon."

The jaunt to the Company Hall was a different process than that to Limsa the day before.  Aubreen provided Benjimir with a tiny crystal which he palmed before she departed ahead of him.  As instructed, he gripped the crystal and internally focused his thoughts on where it was he wanted to go, void of images as he had not been there.  He augmented his focus with, as his friend instructed, “happy thoughts” and as the memory of the laughter from the previously nights night cap filled his mind, sure as enough he felt himself able to fly.  Again his vision filled with soft light and flares, faded to black and returned.  

Benjimir’s vision resumed from the black interlude with the vivid light of a small, man-sized crystal, then a pathway, which he noticed was blockaded by an assembly of people.  As he felt himself “slide off the bed” to the ground he emerged into the clamor of the mass of people clapping and making assorted cat calls.  The culprits for the welcoming committee were Bondermir and Aubree who gestured to the crowd which Benjimir took stock of.  Captains Riehnheart, Hayes, Vaunter, his brother Tinifalas, Osmira Miegs the master of keepers, alchemy and craft as well as assorted officers previously from “up well assignments.  Friends all, if usually through Benjimir’s usual formality.  Never the less he laughed and smiled and approached his friends.  

Captain Hayes kicked off the friendly ribbing.  “Did he heave too?”  she said.  “No I most certainly did not.” Benjimir said in mock indignation.

Hayes passed a few gil to Rienheart. “Did he drink?”  Vaunter asked skeptically.

“No.  He most certainly didn’t.” Aubreen announced, to which most assembled including the commodore began tossing gil at Vaunter.

Benjimir laughed and pointed at his protege, “I expect a cut out of that Captain, after all, it was my sacrifice.”  

Tinifalas cupped a hand over his mouth and cried “Cough, Chocopoo, cough cough.”

Benjimir whipped a finger at his brother, “Your out of the will.  Now lets be about this show to tell of Miegs’ and have a look around this place.”  All filed into the Hall and up the stairs.  Bondermir paused to speak to a ginger headed young woman with a stroller and taking a box from her tipped his head and gave a pouch of gil to her.  

Benjimir asked his brother as they walked up the stairs. “Something I ought to know?” gesturing with his head back down the stairs where the woman was leaving and Bondermir turning to join them.  Tiniffalas looked back and quickly shook his head.  “Oh, no.  That is miss Yvaine, she is a local baker and shop-keep.  She’s just started offering services here by Captain Tessariel’s leave.”

“I see,” Benjimir said.  “What’s she bake?” he asked as he entered the second floor’s open space of tables, a bar and small stage.

“Find out.” Bondermir said, walking around Benjimir’s left side and pressing the small box into his chest.  “Finest to be had courtesy of the White Tree.” he finished with a smile. “Not near my demonstration however.” Miegs said approaching.  “This way sir.”  She led them to the small stage where a long table was setup.  The table had two seemingly identical setups.  The first had a sliver of crystal in a setting.  Behind the setting was a small miners lamp burning brightly.  The light shown through the crystal and cast a glimmer onto a small board which stood between it and another crystal in an identical setting.  This crystal also gleamed and illuminated the other side of this board.

“This is a simplified version of the experiment sir, but it will suffice to demonstrate what we have found.” Miegs said in her usual precise, measured pace.  “Note the second crystal here, “ she pointed to the crystal without a lamp.  “No obvious source of light.”

Benjimir nodded.  It was an experiment most early academy students were taught  in their youngest years.  Gifts were made of sets to replicate it in home quarters for birthdays.  “Photon Dossimir Translocation.” He said.  Miegs nodded affirmatively.  Benjimir smiled.  “I did learn something of it while I was a student of….”

“History.” most all those present said as one.

Benjimir took liberty to glare around himself a moment.  “I feel judged.” he mocked.  “Continue please.”  

Miegs placed another board between the crystal next to the lamp and waved it between the light and setting several times, interrupting the light, then extinguishing the lamp.  The gleam from the first crystal ended with a flicker.  Immediately all eyes were fixed on the second crystal.  Luminous as before.

Miegs continued.  “These shards were taken from the hull of the SNS Aundustar,” she carefully noted it as the Sons of Numenorl Ship which differentiated it from the more recently commissioned Scions Air Ship of the same name. “Each was half a hull length from the other and were lodged by impacts following the fall of Dalamud.”

“Could the second crystal be in resonance with another?” Bondermir asked.  As he did, the second crystal flickered and went dark, mirroring Miegs’ steps moments before.

“No.”  Miegs said plainly.  The first crystal then flared to life again, flashing before taking on a steady gleam.  

“We’ve long been unable to determine the cause of a growing number of discontinuities these past five years.  Chrono sync issues, delayed Dossi coms, inconsistent system and hull fatigues, and so forth.  We think this may pose a partial explanation and suggest new questions.”  Miegs concluded.  

Miegs then moved the lamp from the first crystal and placed it next to the second and relit the flame and waved her hand in front of the flame, duplicating the flicker in the first crystal perfectly.  The light from the first crystal went dark again.

“We are continuing to consult with lore keepers down well and are exploring the full meaning and possible applications.  However we cannot offer any conclusions at this time.”  Miegs then extinguished the lamp once more.  

“We’re going to need more crystals.” Benjimir said quietly.

*******

*Note: I’ve decided to cease posting for FFXIV Write within the timing of the official “entries.”  Work and hypothetical needs becoming very real on Wednesday with a seriously ill family member make the turn-around time untenable.  I will continue participating though, it is always a great exercise that pushes me to sharpen skills and focus.  But I will not be entering posts in competition for a prize.  Since I’m not trying to win something, I’m also going to edit my posts moving forward such as this one since it was a bloody mess looking back.  I can’t include it in my larger work in its original form.  But I’ll leave the first posting up for comparison.

[lettucetacoboatsix]

Part-Time Lovers and Full-Time Friends: A Beginner’s Guide to Opening Your Relationship

Recommended Reading

The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton (because I really can’t recommend this book enough)

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

A bit of a disclaimer: As I stated in the “Welcome” post, my knowledge about all things sex and sexuality is probably 95% academic research and 5% experience. With that being said, I do research everything I write fairly extensively and have some of the most wonderful friends in the world who are fairly comfortable in talking to me about their sexuality. Now… on to the fun stuff!

So… what exactly are we dealing with here?

In this post, I want to continue along the thread we started last week in talking about consensual non-monogamy, but I want to focus in on one of the relationship structures: open relationships. The term “open relationship” can mean a few different things in different circles, but, for the sake of simplicity (because, really, we’re going to need to keep this topic as simple as possible, if we’re ever going to get through all of this), I am defining an “open relationship” in this context as a hierarchical relationship born when two people in a committed monogamous relationship make the consensual, educated decision to explore non-monogamy.

This can mean a few different things. You could be introducing new sex partners or developing outside romantic relationships. And these could be together or separately.  Again, there is no one size fits all approach, here. If you do decide to open your relationship with your partner, you will need to discuss what exactly that means for you, both together and separately.

Opening your relationship can be a serious matter. If you are not prepared to enter this lifestyle and have not thought about how things like jealousy might affect you, it can destroy a relationship. But that’s where this guide will hopefully come in. If this is something you are considering, I want to be able to provide you with the tools and information to put your best foot forward. Having known couples that have successfully and healthily opened their relationships, I know that this process can be extremely rewarding and bring you closer together with your current partner.

What are the facts?

A survey released in 2015 revealed that open relationships have been on the rise in the last 10 years (those numbers are expected to rise with more visibility, a shift towards acceptance, and, oddly enough, as we move away from capitalist ideology and the traditional family structure).  A follow up survey found that one in five Americans will practice some sort of open relationship in their lifetime (unfortunately, the consensual part of consensual non-monogamy may not apply to all of these). As for their effectiveness, some research has shown that people in consensually non-monogamous relationships are happier and healthier than their monogamous peers. Other research, still, says that open relationships don't result in more sexual satisfaction. So, if that’s the only thing you’re looking for, you might be disappointed.

But, as always, statistical data doesn’t always paint a clear picture. The important thing to take away from that information is this: you are not alone. Your relationship, so long as it is conducted healthily, safely, and consensually, is valid and wonderful and beautiful.  

Is an open relationship right for you and your partner?

People choose to open their relationships for a variety of reasons. For some, it is simply a rejection of monogamy on principle. It is a refusal to participate in a social system that was ultimately born from the possessive nature of coverture in marriages (the idea that, through marriage, a man took legal ownership of his spouse). Or, if you’re following along from last week, they may view monogamy as no longer necessary evolutionarily. Given statistics on divorce rates and infidelity, these individuals may view open relationships as a potential to approach the facts that we are complex individuals who are going to experience attraction to more than one person and that there is no one individual who is going to meet all of our needs with as much transparency as possible.

Some couples that choose non-monogamy do it for personal growth and the development of their own relationship. I touched on this a little last week, but if you believe that someone else can make you a better version of yourself and you want your partner to be the very best version of themselves, having the potential for more than one partner may let you grow in new ways. It may let you experience new things you otherwise would not be able to. As far as the growth of the core relationship, effectively and healthily conducting an open-relationship requires a great level of communication, support, emotional honesty, and well…, openness. These things can be very enriching for a couple.

Others choose to do it to explore sexual and erotic diversity, whether it's because they have different interests that can't be met within their primary relationship (this is often true for bisexual/pansexual/queer partners in open relationships) or simply because they value sexual variety. For others, the biggest fantasy may be sharing a lover with their partner. Either way, the end goal in these relationships is more and varied sex, with little emotional attachment, and we’ll probably touch on this at a later point, because it has more to do with the swinging lifestyle.

With all of that being said, there are some reasons that opening your relationship may not be such a good idea. Here are a few steps to take and things to consider before you decide you want to open your relationship.

1.      Make a list of pros and cons.

It might sound like the least sexy way to make this decision, but forming a list can take emotion out of the process and allow you to make this decision logically. If you’re going to make an open relationship work, there cannot be any surprises. You have to know all of each other's, and your own, insecurities and desires.  Why are you really looking to do this? What do you stand to lose? Are you opening your relationship with a particular partner in mind? Deciding to open your relationship for the wrong reasons will most likely result in failure.

It’s important to keep other people out of your decision-making process. This is about you and your current partner. Outsiders to this core relationship are only visitors here. They are not permanent. The risks of opening a relationship primarily affect the core couple.

2.      Talk with your partner. Make sure this is something you both understand and want.

A lot of people will do everything that can to avoid disappointing a partner, so if one person brings up the idea of an open relationship, it may be easier for those people to agree to trying it rather than to speak up and say that that idea would make them uncomfortable. Is this fantasy getting the best of you in the moment? Are you able to move past any insecurity or jealousy you might experience in knowing that your partner may be with another person? This really goes for anything you and your partner might be trying for the first time: if one of you is unsure, do not continue until that doubt has been effectively addressed.

3.      Opening your relationship is not a way to save your relationship

Inviting the potential for more people into your relationship isn't going to solve the problems in your relationship, sexual or otherwise. Toxic qualities from one relationship will spill over into the future relationships. Just like it's not a good idea to have kids to save a relationship. It takes a solid foundation of healthy and successful relationship to bloom into non-monogamy. If you feel like your current relationship is standing on rocky ground, you need to find stability before moving forward. It’s also generally disastrous if you're only doing it to keep your partner with you. It is extremely important that both people truly want this arrangement if it is going to work. If one is doing it out of pressure, coercion, or desperation, it's not going to be successful, and it is often just an excuse for the other partner to get one foot out the door on the way to the dissolution of a relationship.

I really cannot stress this enough: if you’re unsatisfied, unhappy, or dealing with other relationship issues (such as cheating), do no try an open relationship. It will crash and burn in a fiery apocalyptic hell-storm. Successful open relationships come from happy relationships, wherein both partners trust each other and simply wish to explore other sexual/emotional avenues.

4.      Know yourself and your partner

If either of you struggles with emotions, communication, or knowing your own boundaries, opening your relationship is going to add complexity to your relationship. A successful open relationship requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and emotional regulation. A successful open relationship is one that improves your relationship by making the change, not damaging it. This requires that you and your partner have some skills, as well as commitment to each other in the process. You need self-awareness about your feelings, your wants and needs, and, maybe most importantly, your boundaries; you need to know how to speak up for yourself and what your relationship is and means to you. You and your partner also need to cultivate a strong ability to communicate clearly and effectively, especially through high emotion. The idea of you or your partner being with another person can often bring up strong feelings, most obviously are jealousy and insecurity but also shame, and the two of you need to be able to talk about what's happening and work through it together. You also need a basic respect and concern for each other. Again, successful open relationships come from happy and healthy relationships. If one of you is going to do whatever it is that you want regardless of how the other person feels, i.e. bulldozing, relationships in general may not be for you.

5.      Speaking of emotions, how do you move past jealousy?

When we talk about jealousy, what we’re really talking about is this terrible and terrifying constellation of feelings that include insecurity, envy, possessiveness, inadequacy, and feeling left out (among others), you know, all the fun stuff.  Some research suggests some people are more prone to these feelings than others. There is some debate on whether or not these are learned responses to previous experiences that can be overcome with relearning or if they are innate, evolutionary emotions, that our neurology and hormone production work to communicate and regulate their own emotional state. Either way, enough people experience these emotions that they warrant some discussion. Consider whether you may be a jealousy-prone person, how you respond to jealousy when you do feel it, and whether you believe you and your partner can work through it successfully time and time again.

There are things that will help in moving past jealousy: clear communication, good self-care, advocating for what you need, and flexibility/the ability to adapt. Learning to identify what is triggering this emotional response in you or your partner will help you successfully navigate your open relationship. Also keep in mind that many people experience the opposite of jealousy—an experience called compersion—where you take joy in your partner's other experiences, sexual or otherwise. Does your partner want to be told every erotic detail or do they just want to know that you had a good time? Different strokes for different folks.

6.      Honesty is the key

Lastly, opening your relationship should not follow an affair or involve any secrecy. It needs to be free of any stain of dishonesty or infidelity for it to work. You get to define what that honesty means for each of you, but ultimately you need to be able to tell your partner everything. If you cannot be honest with your partner, or with yourself for that matter, infidelity and cheating can creep into your relationship, and this can be severely damaging to an open relationship. Cheating isn’t just about being with another person in open relationships. It’s about abusing and damaging your partner’s trust.

Opening your relationship in a happy and healthy way

If you and your partner have actually taken the time to go through all of these things and this is something that you still want, by all means go for it. From conversations I’ve had with open couples, the first few attempts to open your relationship are going to be awkward and you’re probably going to feel some discomfort. This may be discouraging, but there are ways to keep your open relationship happy and healthy. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1.      You get to determine what you’re comfortable with.

Let me repeat that: you get to determine what you’re comfortable with. This is not a negotiation between you and your partner. This is the consensual part of consensual non-monogamy. There’s a lot to think about when first opening your relationship to the possibility of external partners. Are you looking for sex only? Or do you want an emotional relationship with other partners? Are you comfortable with your partner having sex with other people? Do you want to meet your partner’s metamour (just a fancy French term for a lover’s lover)? Are you comfortable with your partner bringing their lovers over to your shared space? Are you comfortable with them fucking in your bed? Did the aggressive change in tone get your attention? Good, these are the things you need to think about.

Learn how to advocate for yourself. This is where things get messy. If you can’t speak up now before anything happens, it will not be any easier once you or your partner have crossed that line.  Likewise, look out for your partner. Make sure your partner knows how to advocate for themselves as well. Be approachable. You love each other. That’s why you’re doing this.

2.      Trust your partner

Open relationships are built explicitly from trust on the foundation of healthy and loving relationships. Distrust and fear are going to be part of this journey. Accept that. Jealousy will rear it’s ugly head, but again think back to the point where you decided to open your relationship. How were you feeling then? Did you think your partner would run off with someone else if they have the chance? After all, you are giving your partner the option to sexually pursue other people.

If you don't trust your significant other completely, with your life, your emotions, your mental health, or even the temptation of adding another person to your sex life will bring, don't do it. This is why it is so important to have that strong relationship as your foundation. This is not to say push aside any doubts you ever have because at one point you trusted your partner, but learn how to talk about those fears and insecurities, knowing that your significant other is probably feeling some of those things as well. They should be looking out for you as much as you are for them.

3.      Communicate openly and honestly with your partner

It's a great idea to talk to your partner about your sex life. Talk about what turns you on, your fantasies, what movie stars you would be naughty with if you could, and, for many people, that is as far as it needs to go. I see nothing wrong with that, discussing new things can turn you on and be its own wonderful little foreplay for your sexual life with your partner, leading to a night of great, passionate sex. And it may stop right there. And that’s totally legitimate and absolutely fine. But for some, if the conversation keeps coming back to the ideas of including a third or fourth person or more in your relationship, temporarily or permanently, at least explore the idea. How would you go about it? Are there possible complications or concerns (spoiler alert: there should be)? If one person believes they would get too jealous or it's not for them the other person should respect that and not push their ideas on the other one, trying to force them to act out fantasies they don't want to happen, some things are not meant to be acted out and only to be dreamed of.

Recognize why you want something (just for your own growth as an open person), before, during and after. An overwhelming physical urge is probably the very best indicator you can have: your body tells you loud and clear when there is something great that you’re sure you won't find in any other situation. If your partner can empathize with and celebrate your successful hunt for that sensation, then you're doing it right. This is the "open" part of being in an open relationship. If they're not happy, you're not being open.  But along those same lines, recognize that everyone is going to proceed at their own pace. If your partner still hasn't found what the French a call a certain “I don’t know what,” be patient, encouraging, and seek input from others who have more experience. If you have a feeling that your partner might lag behind in finding external partners, allow them to go first. Be supportive. Opening your relationship is as much about personal development as it is about bringing you closer together through experiencing others.

Communication is the capstone for open relationships. Without a strong ability to communicate, the whole thing will fall apart. If you cannot talk about how you’re feeling, your emotions might turn to jealousy and bitterness. This can lead to spiteful behavior, which is only going to serve to derail that core relationship. A good way to build that communication is to have regular check-ins with your partner where you can both sit down and tell each other how you’re feeling about anything that may have changed regarding those outside relationships.  By scheduling it out, again, you’re helping to take the emotional energy out of the conversation. You’re giving each other the time and attention the conversation deserves, but you’re also allowing any tension to deflate.

With that being said, if something ever drastically changes and you find yourself well beyond your comfort zone, speak up immediately. Your consent can be revoked.

Likewise, try your best to check in with each other to make sure everything is copacetic before you do anything major. Even if it is just a quick "hey, I want to go blow this guy in the bathroom; is that okay with you?" It is critical that you make the time to do this. Number one, it gives your partner the opportunity to speak up if they do have doubts, but it also let’s them know that you are still thinking about them. Likewise, it allows them to look out for you and let’s them know that you’re still in a state where you’re thinking clearly enough to check in. If you can't accomplish this sanity check (roll for will) for practical reasons, like if you’re not at the same party or your partner is not responding to your text messages, at the very least, you need to ask yourself if your actions will hurt your partner. Be especially careful to do this check when mutual friends are involved. Conversely, agree to never take shame your partner when your partner asks for something that makes you uncomfortable.  This is part of the sexual exploration allowed for in open relationships, and you need to be able to voice your discomfort without harshly judging your partner. This is supposed to be fun, and shaming your partner for their sexual appetites is a sure fire way to create tension.

4.      Set boundaries or guidelines, but try to avoid strict rules

You need to set clear and defined boundaries before anything happens. Are you allowed to form romantic attachments with other people or is this going to be all about sex? If you start to feel yourself get attached, are you to drop the person immediately? How often will you get tested for STIs (because safety is key and you should probably just get tested anyway if you’re sexually active)? Are both of you being non-monogamous or is only one of you interested in pursuing external partners (which is also totally legitimate, if only your partner wants to explore with other people and you’re fine with that, you can make it work)? Will you share your experiences or have a ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy?

All of this may sound exhausting, but if you want an open relationship to work, it’s non-negotiable. And this conversation is never going to be over. Boundaries may shift and change depending on both partners’ comfort levels or even life events. If one person is going through a rough patch with external factors or is coping with depression, the other may want to revisit these boundaries for their sake. Be honest when you feel like something needs to be adjusted.

There is no sheltering your partner from your emotional storm. You are not protecting your partner or your relationship by not being honest about what you are experiencing of feeling. You cannot avoid having these conversations. These boundaries are important because they are what define fidelity within your open relationship. Part of that trust in your partner is being honest with yourself.

With that being said, you need to stick to the boundaries—otherwise, it's cheating.

An open relationship is not a free-for-all. You can’t pull some shady shit and then cover it with the guise of your “open relationship.” If you are breaking your partner’s trust, you are removing the consensual part of non-monogamy and are, effectively, cheating. If romantic relationships are not allowed, then you must be prepared to adapt and possibly drop the person you’re seeing. Remember, outsider’s are never going to be the central target to any harm done within your open relationship, it’s always going to be about you and your partner.

I know, I’m taking all the fun out of it, but once you feel pretty confident in knowing your boundaries and you know why you want an open relationship in the first place, it’s a great idea to write them down into categories. The most effective breakdown I’ve found is a simple three column list of what you want, what you’d prefer but isn’t essential, and what you’re simply not okay with. This will help serve as a reference for you and your partner, and it will really allow you to talk about things you may have experienced without them. These boundaries can then become guidelines governing how the two of you should proceed.

And I say guidelines instead of rules because guidelines can change and lead you in new directions. Your relationship is going to evolve and these guidelines need to be flexible. Rules are strict and can and will be broken. Strict rules can mean that you're afraid, or you don't trust each other. Things can be used maliciously when there are rules to be broken.

Something to keep in mind is the idea of a trump card (this may not be necessary for everyone, and plenty of polyamorous people will reject the notion because it creates a hierarchy in which one relationship is more important than another, which is fine under this definition of open relationship). If there’s ever a situation you become immediately uncomfortable with, your partner needs to be able to accept and respect your feelings. Sometimes it’s just a vibe, and other times it’s something totally serious, like your partner is well past the point of sobriety,  or the person/scene has major drama (e.g. an ex), sexually communicable diseases, etc. You're taking care of the relationship and your partner when you speak up.

5.      Be open minded and have fun, safely

This one is a little obvious, but it’s still critically important. Situations are going to arise where you find yourself turned on by something unexpected. You may pursue a partner you’ve never really considered before. After all, this is about your individual growth and exploration, too. You should always practice safe sex, but even if you’re choosing to fluid bond with another person (if you and your partner have had that discussion, mind you) there are still ways to be safe. 

6.      Accept that you're going to mess it up, know you can fix it.

You know you'll "get it wrong" and break the rules and even hurt each other's feelings and even so, agree verbally with each other that these failures don't count against you or your relationship (or anyone involved). Fire is hot and water is wet. Acknowledge it here and now because this goes for monogamous relationships too, you’re both going to mess up. Mistakes will be made and feelings will be hurt, but again, you started this journey together from a loving and understanding relationship. Accept what happened if/when mistakes are made (don’t intentionally make them, obviously; remember it’s consensual non-monogamy), love and respect each other even more afterwards. You may earn a few scars, but it’s worth it to be free and know each other even more authentically. Beauty marred is beauty true. Sometimes, all you have to say is, "That's not how I wanted things to go, but things got crazy, I'm sorry."

7.      Reinforce the idea that you will always be there for each other

As you evolve, reinforce to each other that none of your adventures will put the relationship on the line or devalue your partner in any way: this is especially important if you decide you can each go after things you want separately sometimes. This is the "relationship" part of being in an open relationship: it’s there and it’s solid, and you should be proud of that. So respect it. Embrace it. Your partner is there for you to share all your highs and lows, and this is and always has been about what’s best for you and your partner.

8.      Learn to laugh at yourself and expect little.

Things are going to be awkward. You’re probably going to come across people who are very much interested in you, but not in the fact that you have a partner. Sure things can and will back fire. Desperation isn’t sexy. Learn to laugh it off. Learn some humility and talk it over with your partner. It’s perfectly fine to not have sex all the time.

9.      Therapists and relationship coaches can help you succeed.

Sex therapy or relationship counseling are always an option for you and all of your partners when you hit rough patches. A word of caution, however, many counselors and therapists are not prepared to talk about consensual non-monogamy, so it may take a while for you to shop around.

Find support wherever you can. Many major cities have groups for visibility. You may find other relationships that can serve as a model for you and your partner(s), and know that if nothing else, I am always here for you, too.

And there you go. You now know everything you need to know about having a happy, healthy and successful open relationship. No, not really, but hopefully this puts you and your partner on the right track. Always remember: People get jealous. People get scared. And stupid things will happen. So long as you can talk about these things though, this could be an amazing adventure. Have fun experimenting and do it safely, please.

If you are thinking about opening your relationship and want to know more, send me a message. Or if you have a suggestion for a future post, send an anonymous ask. This is a safe space, and I care about you! I will do my best to educate myself and I’m always happy to talk.

[aspidities]

I need a lil advice, you've said your idea of a relationship would be poly(ish) ive recently gotten into an arguement with a friend who is claiming you cant love someone but have sex with others whereas ive been telling her not only is it possible but its normal and if done correctly very healthy relationship-wise. but its like talking to a brick wall coz she just cant think about other perspectives. do you have any advice to deal with it?. im not even poly myself, im monog so its hard to (1)

Looks like the second part of this got eaten, but I’ve encountered lots of folks like your friend before, and, unfortunately, peoples beliefs of poly vs monogamy tend to be very difficult to sway unless you can passionately and articulately argue on the side of love as a self-refilling commodity. Most people tend to see it as a well that runs dry, or else only has one source, and that, positive or negative, tends to shape how they see others ‘drawing from the well’, so to speak. I’m too sick and tired to go into a ton of detail, but never fear! There are books!

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, and Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, are two of the classics when it comes to modern thought on polyamory and progressive non-monogamous relationships. These authors lay it out a lot better than I ever could.

Good luck! Happy reading, and I hope you find it enlightening enough to continue discourse with your friend, but if not, you do you! That’s the beauty of it. ❤️

[jagadeeshkrishnan]

[13/01, 2:30 PM] Jagadeesh KrishnanChandra: Secred Tantra Vidya Says...

“Sex is the most powerful instinct in man. The politician and the priest have understood from the very beginning that sex is the most driving energy in man. It has to be curtailed, it has to be cut. If man is allowed total freedom in sex, then there will be no possibility to dominate him. To make a slave out of him will be impossible.

… When you want a bull to be yoked to a cart, what do you do? You castrate him, you destroy his sex energy. And have you seen the difference between a bull and an ox? … An ox is a poor phenomenon, a slave. A bull is … a great splendor. See a bull walking … like an emperor! And see an ox pulling a cart.

The same has been done to man. The sex instinct has been curtailed, cut, crippled. Man does not exist as the bull now, he exists like the ox, and each man is pulling a thousand and one carts …

Why can’t you yoke a bull? The bull is too powerful. If he sees a cow passing by, he will throw both you and the cart, and he will move to the cow! … It will be impossible to control the bull. Sex energy is life energy; it is uncontrollable.

… The politician and the priest are not interested in you, they are interested in channeling your energy into other directions. So there is a certain mechanism behind it—it has to be understood.

Sex repression, tabooing sex, is the very foundation of human slavery. Man cannot be free unless sex is free. Man cannot be really free unless his sex energy is allowed natural growth.

The Five “Tricks” Politicians and Priests Use to Make us Slaves:

1. Keep us weak (by depriving us of sexual love). Osho believes sexual (erotic) love – or “life-force energy” – is what charges us up and enables us to experience unconditional, universal (agape) love.

“Psychologists have discovered if a child is not given love, he shrivels up and becomes weak. You can give him milk, you can give him medicine, you can give him everything else, but just don’t give love. Don’t hug him, don’t kiss him, don’t hold him close to the warmth of your body, and the child will become weaker and weaker …

Just hugging, kissing, giving warmth, and somehow the child feels nourished, accepted, loved, needed, worthy …

Now, from childhood we starve them; we don’t give love as much as is needed.

Then we try to force the young men and young women not to fall in love unless they get married. By age 14 they become sexually mature. But their education takes more time … until they are 24, 25 years old they will be getting their M.A.s or Ph.D.s …

Sexual energy comes to its climax near the age of 18. Never again will a man be so potent, and never again will a woman be able to have a greater orgasm … But we force them not to make love—girls and boys are kept separate, and just between them stands the whole mechanism of police, magistrates, vice-chancellors, principals, headmasters … Why? They are trying to kill the bull and create an ox.

… By the time you get married at 25, 26, 27 — and the age goes up and up. The more cultured a country, the longer you wait — by the time you get married you are almost declining in your powers. Then you love, but the love never becomes really hot; it never comes to the point where people evaporate, it remains lukewarm.

And when you have not been able to love totally, you cannot love your children because you don’t know how. When you have not been able to know the peaks of it, how can you teach your children?

2. Keep us ignorant.

Without love a man’s intelligence falls low … When you fall in love, suddenly all your capacities are at their peak … you perform at your maximum.

The most intelligent people are the most sexual people. This has to be understood — love energy is basically intelligence. If you cannot love you are somehow closed, cold; you cannot flow. While in love one flows … one feels so confident that one can touch the stars …

When people are sexually repressed … they start hankering for the other life. They think about heaven, paradise … When you are in love, paradise is here now. Then who goes to the priest?

… But when your love energy is repressed, you start thinking, “Here is nothing, now is empty … Sex has been repressed so that you can become interested in the other life. And when people are interested in the other life, naturally they are not interested in this life.

This life is the only life. The “other” life is hidden in this life! It is not against it, it is not away from it … Go into it and you will find the other too … God is hidden here, now. If you love, you will be able to feel it.

3. Keep us as frightened as possible. Love destroys fear … When you are in love you are not afraid … When you are in love you feel infinitely capable of anything. But when you are not in love, you are afraid of small things.

When you are not in love you become more interested in security, in safety. When you are in love you are more interested in adventure, in exploration.

4. Keep us miserable. A miserable man has no self-worth … A miserable man is always ready to be commanded, ordered, disciplined, because he knows: “On my own I am simply miserable. Maybe somebody else can discipline my life.”

5. Keep us alienated. Keep people separate from each other. Don’t allow them too much intimacy. When people are separate, lonely, alienated from each other, they cannot band together for some purpose of which the priest and the politician may not approve.

For example, if you are a man [holding hands with a man], walking down the road, singing, you will feel guilty because people will start looking at you. Are you gay, homosexual or something? Two men are not allowed to be happy together.

You shake hands in such a hurry … You just touch each other’s hand and shake and you are finished. You don’t hold hands, you don’t hug each other; you are afraid. Do you remember your father hugging you, ever? Do you remember your mother hugging you after you became sexually mature? Why not? Fear has been created. A young man and his mother hugging?—maybe some sex will arise between them, some idea, some fantasy.

This is what is happening! 25 years of anti-love, of fear, and then suddenly you are legally allowed—a license is issued and now you can love this woman … But where are those 25 years of wrong training going to go? They will be there.

Yes, you will “love” … you will make a gesture, but is not going to be explosive, it is not going to be orgasmic; it will be very tiny. That’s why ninety-nine percent of people are frustrated after making love, more frustrated than they have ever been before …

First, the priest and the politician have managed that you should not be able to love, and then they come and preach that there is nothing significant in [sexual] love. And their preaching looks exactly in tune with your experience … This is the greatest trick that has ever been played upon man …

Love is the rarest thing in the world; it should not be denied. If a man can love five persons, he should love five. If a man can love fifty, he should love fifty. If a man can love five hundred, he should love five hundred.

But … you are forced into a narrow corner. You can love only your wife, you can love only your husband, you can love only this, you can love only that—the conditions are too much.

It is as if there were a law that you can breathe only when you are with your wife, you can breathe only when you are with your husband. Then breathing will become impossible! Then you will die … You have to breathe twenty-four hours a day.

You can’t have “higher” love without “lower” love

Then there is another trick. They talk about “higher love” and destroy the lower. They say the lower has to be denied; bodily love is bad, spiritual love is good.

Have you ever seen a spirit without a body? Have you ever seen a house without a foundation? The lower is the foundation of the higher … The lower and the higher are not separate, they are one—rungs of the same ladder. The lower has not to be denied, the lower has to be transformed into the higher. The lower is good—if you are stuck with the lower the fault is with you, not with the lower …

Move. Sex is not wrong. You are wrong if you are stuck there. Move higher. The higher is not against the lower; the lower makes it possible for the higher to exist.

Control by guilt.

And these tricks have created many other problems. Each time you are in love somehow you feel guilty … When there is guilt you cannot move totally into love … Even while making love to your wife or your husband, there is guilt … So you cannot move totally even when you are allowed, superficially, to love your wife. The priest is hidden behind you in your guilt … pulling your strings.

When guilt arises … you lose self-worth, you lose self-respect.

When there is guilt you start pretending. Mothers and fathers don’t allow their children to know that they make love … They pretend sex does not exist … When the children come to know about the pretension, they lose all trust …

And fathers and mothers say that their children don’t respect them— how can they respect you? You have been deceiving them in every way … You were telling them not to fall in love —”Beware!” — and you were making love all the time.

First, guilt creates pretension. Then pretension creates alienation from people. Even your own child will not feel in tune with you … One day he will come to know that you are just pretending and so are others. When everybody is pretending, how can you relate?

… Now it is very easy to make these people slaves—to turn them into clerks, stationmasters, schoolmasters, deputy collectors, ministers, governors, presidents. Now it is very easy to distract them. You have distracted them from their roots.

In conclusion, I’ll add a related quote by Ethical Slut author Dossie Easton:

“Wilhelm Reich, the grandfather of bodywork, speaking to the young communists in Berlin in 1936 … said that without the suppression of sexuality — and particularly the conspiracy of silence to prevent children from learning about sexuality — you could not have an authoritarian or totalitarian state.

He claimed that the authoritarian state was based on everybody feeling guilty about something. So if you tell them masturbation is bad for them, then you don’t have anybody left who doesn’t feel guilty, right?

I think it’s very true. I think sexual suppression is a tool of the authoritarian state in the sense that they make us all feel bad. They make us feel bad about our desires. They tell us every fantasy we have, every desire we have, every explorative idea we have is a pathology of some sort or another and that means we are discredited as humans. So what they do is they take everybody who’s got any energy and any sense of exploration and any creativity and say ‘oh, you’re no good, you’re not okay,” and squash all of us.

I believe that Eros is the life force, the animating force of the cosmos, the Tao, the divine. I believe it flows through all of us all of the time. We can’t pay attention to it all the time or we wouldn’t figure out how to eat dinner – we wouldn’t be in bodies anymore. But to me that free flowing sexuality is essential to my spirituality, to my sense of awareness, to my sense of my own values, to my sense of moving in the world, and I can’t even figure out how you’d make a religion out of that that could be used to control populations…”

Love Tantra Live Tantra

By

Jagadeesh Krishnan

[13/01, 2:32 PM] Jagadeesh KrishnanChandra: ரகசிய தந்திர வித்யா கூறுகிறார் ...

“செக்ஸ் என்பது மனிதனின் மிக சக்திவாய்ந்த உள்ளுணர்வு. அரசியல்வாதியும் பாதிரியாரும் ஆரம்பத்திலிருந்தே புரிந்துகொண்டது, பாலியல் என்பது மனிதனுக்கு மிகவும் உந்துசக்தியாகும். அதைக் குறைக்க வேண்டும், வெட்ட வேண்டும். பாலினத்தில் மனிதனுக்கு முழு சுதந்திரம் அனுமதிக்கப்பட்டால், அவனை ஆதிக்கம் செலுத்த வாய்ப்பில்லை. அவரிடமிருந்து ஒரு அடிமையை உருவாக்குவது சாத்தியமற்றது.

… ஒரு வண்டியில் ஒரு காளை நுகரப்பட வேண்டும் என்று நீங்கள் விரும்பும்போது, ​​நீங்கள் என்ன செய்கிறீர்கள்? நீங்கள் அவரை காஸ்ட்ரேட் செய்கிறீர்கள், நீங்கள் அவரது பாலியல் சக்தியை அழிக்கிறீர்கள். ஒரு காளைக்கும் எருதுக்கும் உள்ள வித்தியாசத்தை நீங்கள் பார்த்தீர்களா? … ஒரு எருது ஒரு ஏழை நிகழ்வு, ஒரு அடிமை. ஒரு காளை… ஒரு பெரிய அற்��ுதம். ஒரு காளை நடப்பதைப் பாருங்கள்… ஒரு பேரரசரைப் போல! ஒரு எருது ஒரு வண்டியை இழுப்பதைப் பாருங்கள்.

மனிதனுக்கும் அவ்வாறே செய்யப்பட்டுள்ளது. பாலியல் உள்ளுணர்வு குறைக்கப்பட்டுள்ளது, வெட்டப்பட்டது, முடங்கியது. மனிதன் இப்போது காளையாக இல்லை, அவன் எருது போல இருக்கிறான், ஒவ்வொரு மனிதனும் ஆயிரத்து ஒரு வண்டிகளை இழுக்கிறான்…

நீங்கள் ஏன் ஒரு காளையை நுகத்தடிக்க முடியாது? காளை மிகவும் சக்தி வாய்ந்தது. அவர் ஒரு மாடு கடந்து செல்வதைக் கண்டால், அவர் உங்களையும் வண்டியையும் தூக்கி எறிவார், அவர் மாட்டுக்குச் செல்வார்! … காளையை கட்டுப்படுத்த இயலாது. செக்ஸ் ஆற்றல் என்பது வாழ்க்கை ஆற்றல்; இது கட்டுப்பாடற்றது.

… அரசியல்வாதியும் பாதிரியாரும் உங்களுக்கு ஆர்வம் காட்டவில்லை, அவர்கள் உங்கள் ஆற்றலை வேறு திசைகளுக்கு அனுப்ப ஆர்வமாக உள்ளனர். எனவே அதன் பின்னால் ஒரு குறிப்பிட்ட வழிமுறை உள்ளது-அதைப் புரிந்து கொள்ள வேண்டும்.

பாலியல் அடக்குமுறை, பாலியல் தடை, மனித அடிமைத்தனத்தின் அடித்தளம். செக்ஸ் இலவசமாக இல்லாவிட்டால் மனிதன் சுதந்திரமாக இருக்க முடியாது. மனிதனின் பாலியல் ஆற்றல் இயற்கையான வளர்ச்சியை அனுமதிக்காவிட்டால் மனிதன் உண்மையில் சுதந்திரமாக இருக்க முடியாது.

ஐந்து "தந்திரங்கள்" அரசியல்வாதிகள் மற்றும் பூசாரிகள் எங்களை அடிமைகளாக்க பயன்படுத்துகிறார்கள்:

1. எங்களை பலவீனமாக வைத்திருங்கள் (பாலியல் அன்பை இழப்பதன் மூலம���). பாலியல் (சிற்றின்ப) காதல் - அல்லது “உயிர் சக்தி ஆற்றல்” - ஓஷோ நம்புகிறது, இது நம்மை வசூலிக்கிறது மற்றும் நிபந்தனையற்ற, உலகளாவிய (அகபே) அன்பை அனுபவிக்க உதவுகிறது.

"ஒரு குழந்தைக்கு அன்பு கொடுக்கப்படாவிட்டால், அவர் சுருங்கி பலவீனமடைகிறார் என்பதை உளவியலாளர்கள் கண்டுபிடித்துள்ளனர். நீங்கள் அவருக்கு பால் கொடுக்கலாம், அவருக்கு மருந்து கொடுக்கலாம், எல்லாவற்றையும் அவருக்கு கொடுக்கலாம், ஆனால் அன்பைக் கொடுக்க வேண்டாம். அவரை கட்டிப்பிடிக்காதீர்கள், அவரை முத்தமிட வேண்டாம், உங்கள் உடலின் அரவணைப்புக்கு அருகில் அவரைப் பிடித்துக் கொள்ளாதீர்கள், மேலும் குழந்தை பலவீனமாகவும் பலவீனமாகவும் மாறும்…

கட்டிப்பிடிப்பது, முத்தமிடுவது, அரவணைப்பைக் கொடுப்பது, எப்படியாவது குழந்தை ஊட்டமளிப்பது, ஏற்றுக்கொள்ளப்படுவது, நேசிப்பது, தேவைப்படுவது, தகுதியானது என்று உணர்கிறது…

இப்போது, ​​குழந்தை பருவத்திலிருந்தே நாம் அவர்களைப் பட்டினி கிடக்கிறோம்; நாங்கள் தேவைப்படும் அளவுக்கு அன்பைக் கொடுக்க மாட்டோம்.

பின்னர் நாங்கள் இளைஞர்களையும், இளம் பெண்களையும் திருமணம் செய்து கொள்ளாவிட்டால் காதலிக்க வேண்டாம் என்று கட்டாயப்படுத்த முயற்சிக்கிறோம். 14 வயதிற்குள் அவர்கள் பாலியல் முதிர்ச்சியடைகிறார்கள். ஆனால் அவர்களின் கல்வி அதிக நேரம் எடுக்கும்… அவர்களுக்கு 24, 25 வயது வரை அவர்கள் M.A.s அல்லது Ph.D.s பெறுவார்கள்…

பாலியல் ஆற்றல் அதன் உச்சகட்டத்திற்கு 18 வயதிற்கு அருகில் வருகிறது. மீண்டும் ஒருபோதும் ஒரு மனிதன் இவ்வளவு சக்திவாய்ந்தவனாக இருக்க மாட்டான், மீண்டும் ஒருபோதும் ஒரு பெண்ணுக்கு அதிக புணர்ச்சியைப் பெற முடியாது… ஆனால் அன்பை உருவாக்க வேண்டாம் என்று நாங்கள் அவர்களை வற்புறுத்துகிறோம் - பெண்கள் மற்றும் சிறுவர்கள் தனித்தனியாக வைக்கப்படுகிறார்கள் , அவர்களுக்கு இடையே காவல்துறை, நீதவான்கள், துணைவேந்தர்கள், அதிபர்கள், தலைமை ஆசிரியர்கள்… ஏன்? அவர்கள் காளையைக் கொன்று எருது ஒன்றை உருவாக்க முயற்சிக்கிறார்கள்.

… நீங்கள் 25, 26, 27 வயதில் திருமணம் செய்து கொள்ளும் நேரத்தில் - வயது மேலும் மேலும் அதிகரிக்கிறது. ஒரு நாடு எவ்வளவு பண்பட்டதாக இருக்கிறதோ, அவ்வளவு காலம் நீங்கள் காத்திருப்பீர்கள் - நீங்கள் திருமணம் செய்து கொள்ளும் நேரத்தில் நீங்கள் உங்கள் சக்திகளில் கிட்டத்தட்ட குறைந்து வருகிறீர்கள். நீங்கள் நேசிக்கிறீர்கள், ஆனால் காதல் ஒருபோதும் சூடாகாது; அது ஒருபோதும் மக்கள் ஆவியாகும் இடத்திற்கு வராது, அது மந்தமாகவே இருக்கும்.

நீங்கள் முழுமையாக நேசிக்க முடியாதபோது, ​​உங்கள் குழந்தைகளை நேசிக்க முடியாது, ஏனென்றால் எப்படி என்று உங்களுக்குத் தெரியாது. அதன் சிகரங்களை நீங்கள் அறிய முடியாமல் இருக்கும்போது, ​​உங்கள் குழந்தைகளுக்கு எப்படி கற்பிக்க முடியும்?

2. எங்களை அறியாமலேயே வைத்திருங்கள்.

காதல் இல்லாமல் ஒரு மனிதனின் புத்திசாலித்தனம் குறைகிறது… நீங்கள் காதலிக்கும்போது, ​​திடீரென்று உங்கள் எல்லா திறன்களும் உச்சத்தில் இருக்கும்… நீங்கள் அதிகபட்சமாக செயல்படுகிறீர்கள்.

மிகவும் புத்திசாலி மக்கள் மிகவும் பாலியல் நபர்கள். இதை புரிந்து கொள்ள வேண்டும் - காதல் ஆற்றல் அடிப்படையில் புத்திசாலித்தனம். உன்னை நேசிக்க முடியாவிட்டால் எப்படியாவது மூடியிருக்கிறாய், குளிராக இருக்கிறாய்; நீங்கள் பாய முடியாது. காதலில் ஒருவர் பாய்கிறார்… ஒருவர் நட்சத்திரங்களைத் தொட முடியும் என்ற நம்பிக்கையில் ஒருவர் இருக்கிறார்…

மக்கள் பாலியல் ரீதியாக ஒடுக்கப்படுகையில்… அவர்கள் மற்ற வாழ்க்கையைத் தேட ஆரம்பிக்கிறார்கள். அவர்கள் சொர்க்கம், சொர்க்கம் பற்றி நினைக்கிறார்கள்… நீங்கள் காதலிக்கும்போது, ​​சொர்க்கம் இப்போது இங்கே இருக்கிறது. பிறகு பூசாரிக்கு யார் செல்கிறார்கள்?

… ஆனால் உங்கள் காதல் ஆற்றல் அடக்கப்படும் போது, ​​“இதோ ஒன்றுமில்லை, இப்போது காலியாக உள்ளது… நீங்கள் மற்ற வாழ்க்கையில் ஆர்வம் கொள்ளும்படி செக்ஸ் ஒடுக்கப்பட்டது. மக்கள் மற்ற வாழ்க்கையில் ஆர்வமாக இருக்கும்போது, ​​இயற்கையாகவே அவர்கள் இந்த வாழ்க்கையில் ஆர்வம் காட்டுவதில்லை.

இந்த வாழ்க்கை மட்டுமே வாழ்க்கை. இந்த வாழ்க்கையில் “மற்ற” வாழ்க்கை மறைக்கப்பட்டுள்ளது! அது அதற்கு எதிரானதல்ல, அது அதிலிருந்து விலகி இல்லை… அதற்குள் செல்லுங்கள், மற்றொன்றையும் நீங்கள் காண்பீர்கள்… கடவுள் இங்கே மறைந்திருக்கிறார், இப்போது. நீங்கள் நேசித்தால், நீங்கள் அதை உணர முடியும்.

3. எங்களை முடிந்தவரை பயமுறுத்துங்கள். காதல் பயத்தை அழிக்கிறது… நீங்கள் காதலிக்கும்போது நீங்கள் பயப்படுவதில்லை… நீங்கள் காதலிக்கும்போது எதற்கும் எண்ணற்ற திறனை உணர்கிறீர்கள். ஆனால் நீங்கள் காதலிக்காதபோது, ​​சிறிய விஷயங்களுக்கு நீங்கள் பயப்படுகிறீர்கள்.

நீங்கள் காதலிக்காதபோது, ​​பாதுகாப்பில், பாதுகாப்பில் அதிக ஆர்வம் காட்டுகிறீர்கள். நீங்கள் காதலிக்கும்போது, ​​சாகசத்தில், ஆராய்ச்சியில் அதிக ஆர்வம் காட்டுகிறீர்கள்.

4. எங்களை பரிதாபமாக வைத்திருங்கள். ஒரு பரிதாபகரமான மனிதனுக்கு சுய மதிப்பு இல்லை… ஒரு பரிதாபகரமான மனிதன் எப்போதுமே கட்டளையிடுவதற்கும், கட்டளையிடுவதற்கும், ஒழுக்கமாக இருப்பதற்கும் தயாராக இருக்கிறான், ஏனென்றால் அவனுக்குத் தெரியும்: “என் சொந்தமாக நான் வெறுமனே பரிதாபமாக இருக்கிறேன். வேறு யாராவது என் வாழ்க்கையை ஒழுங்குபடுத்தலாம். ”

5. எங்களை அந்நியப்படுத்திக் கொள்ளுங்கள். மக்களை ஒருவருக்கொருவர் தனித்தனியாக வைத்திருங்கள். அவர்களுக்கு அதிக நெருக்கம் இருக்க அனுமதிக்காதீர்கள். மக்கள் தனித்தனியாக, தனிமையாக, ஒருவருக்கொருவர் அந்நியமாக இருக்கும்போது, ​​பூசாரியும் அரசியல்வாதியும் ஒப்புக் கொள்ளாத சில நோக்கங்களுக்காக அவர்களால் ஒன்றிணைக்க முடியாது.

உதாரணமாக, நீங்கள் ஒரு மனிதராக இருந்தால் [ஒரு மனிதனுடன் கைகளைப் பிடித்துக் கொண்டு], சாலையில் நடந்து செல்வது, பாடுவது, நீங்கள் குற்ற உணர்ச்சியை உணருவீர்கள், ஏனென்றால் மக்கள் உங்களைப் பார்க்கத் தொடங்குவார்கள். நீங்கள் ஓரின சேர்க்கையாளரா, ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளரா அல்லது ஏதாவது இருக்கிறீர்களா? இரண்டு ஆண்கள் ஒன்றாக மகிழ்ச்சியாக இருக்க அனுமதிக்கப்படுவதில்லை.

இதுபோன்ற அவசரத்தில் நீங்கள் கைகுலுக்கிறீர்கள்… நீங்கள் ஒருவருக்கொருவர் கையைத் தொட்டு அசைத்து முடித்துவிட்டீர்கள். நீங்கள் கைகளைப் பிடிக்கவில்லை, ஒருவருக்கொருவர் கட்டிப்பிடிக்க வேண்டாம்; நீங்கள் பயப்படுகிறீர்கள். உங்கள் தந்தை உங்களை கட்டிப்பிடித்தது உங்களுக்கு நினைவிருக்கிறதா? நீங்கள் பாலியல் முதிர்ச்சியடைந்த பிறகு உங்கள் தாய் உங்களை கட்டிப்பிடித்தது உங்களுக்கு நினைவிருக்கிறதா? ஏன் கூடாது? பயம் உருவாக்கப்பட்டது. ஒரு இளைஞனும் அவனது தாயும் கட்டிப்பிடிக்கிறார்களா? - அவர்களுக்கு இடையே சில செக்ஸ் எழும், சில யோசனை, சில கற்பனை.

இதுதான் நடக்கிறது! 25 ஆண்டுகால காதல் எதிர்ப்பு, பயம், பின்னர் திடீரென்று உங்களுக்கு சட்டப்பூர்வமாக அனுமதிக்கப்படுகிறது-உரிமம் வழங்கப்பட்டுள்ளது, இப்போது நீங்கள் இந்த பெண்ணை நேசிக்க முடியும்… ஆனால் அந்த 25 ஆண்டுகால தவறான பயிற்சி எங்கே போகிறது? அவர்கள் அங்கே இருப்பார்கள்.

ஆமாம், நீங்கள் "நேசிப்பீர்கள்" ... நீங்கள் ஒரு சைகை செய்வீர்கள், ஆனால் வெடிக்கும் போவதில்லை, அது உச்சகட்டமாக இருக்கப்போவதில்லை; அது மிகச் சிறியதாக இருக்கும். அதனால்தான் தொண்ணூற்றொன்பது சதவிகித மக்கள் அன்பைச் செய்தபின் விரக்தியடைந்துள்ளனர், அவர்கள் முன்பை விட வெறுப்பாக இருக்கிறார்கள்…

ம���தலில், பாதிரியாரும் அரசியல்வாதியும் நீங்கள் நேசிக்க முடியாது என்று நிர்வகித்துள்ளனர், பின்னர் அவர்கள் வந்து [பாலியல்] அன்பில் குறிப்பிடத்தக்க எதுவும் இல்லை என்று பிரசங்கிக்கிறார்கள். அவர்களின் பிரசங்கம் உங்கள் அனுபவத்துடன் சரியாகவே தெரிகிறது… இது மனிதனின் மீது இதுவரை விளையாடிய மிகப்பெரிய தந்திரம்…

காதல் என்பது உலகில் மிக அரிதான விஷயம்; அதை மறுக்கக்கூடாது. ஒரு மனிதன் ஐந்து நபர்களை நேசிக்க முடிந்தால், அவன் ஐந்து பேரை நேசிக்க வேண்டும். ஒரு மனிதன் ஐம்பதை நேசிக்க முடிந்தால், அவன் ஐம்பதை நேசிக்க வேண்டும். ஒரு மனிதன் ஐநூறு நேசிக்க முடிந்தால், அவன் ஐநூறு நேசிக்க வேண்டும்.

ஆனால்… நீங்கள் ஒரு குறுகிய மூலையில் தள்ளப்படுகிறீர்கள். நீங்கள் உங்கள் மனைவியை மட்டுமே நேசிக்க முடியும், நீங்கள் உங்கள் கணவரை மட்டுமே நேசிக்க முடியும், இதை மட்டுமே நீங்கள் நேசிக்க முடியும், அதை மட்டுமே நீங்கள் நேசிக்க முடியும் - நிலைமைகள் அதிகம்.

நீங்கள் உங்கள் மனைவியுடன் இருக்கும்போது மட்டுமே சுவாசிக்க முடியும் என்று ஒரு சட்டம் இருந்தது போல, நீங்கள் உங்கள் கணவருடன் இருக்கும்போது மட்டுமே சுவாசிக்க முடியும். பின்னர் சுவாசம் சாத்தியமற்றதாகிவிடும்! பிறகு நீங்கள் இறந்துவிடுவீர்கள்… நீங்கள் ஒரு நாளைக்கு இருபத்து நான்கு மணி நேரம் சுவாசிக்க வேண்டும்.

“குறைந்த” அன்பு இல்லாமல் “உயர்ந்த” அன்பை நீங்கள் கொண்டிருக்க முடியாது

பின்னர் மற்றொரு தந்திரம் உள்ளது. அவர்கள் "உயர்ந்த அன்பை" பற்றி பேசுகிறார்கள், மேலும் கீழானவர்களை அழிக்கிறார்கள். கீழ்மட்டத்தை மறுக்க வேண்டும் என்று அவர்கள் கூறுகிறார்கள்; உடல் அன்பு மோசமானது, ஆன்மீக அன்பு நல்லது.

உடல் இல்லாத ஒரு ஆவியை நீங்கள் எப்போதாவது பார்த்தீர்களா? அடித்தளம் இல்லாத வீட்டை நீங்கள் எப்போதாவது பார்த்தீர்களா? கீழானது உயர்ந்தவற்றின் அடித்தளம்… கீழ் மற்றும் உயர்ந்தவை தனித்தனியாக இல்லை, அவை ஒரே ஏணியின் ஒன்று. கீழ்மட்டத்தை மறுக்க வேண்டியதில்லை, கீழ்மட்டத்தை உயர்ந்ததாக மாற்ற வேண்டும். கீழ் நல்லது நல்லது you நீங்கள் குறைந்தவர்களுடன் சிக்கிக்கொண்டால் தவறு உங்களுடன் இருக்கிறது, கீழ்மட்டத்துடன் அல்ல…

நகர்வு. செக்ஸ் தவறல்ல. நீங்கள் அங்கே மாட்டிக்கொண்டால் தவறு. மேலே நகர்த்தவும். உயர்ந்தது கீழ்மட்டத்திற்கு எதிரானது அல்ல; குறைந்தது உயர்ந்ததை சாத்தியமாக்குகிறது.

குற்றத்தால் கட்டுப்படுத்தவும்.

இந்த தந்திரங்கள் வேறு பல சிக்கல்களை உருவாக்கியுள்ளன. ஒவ்வொரு முறையும் நீங்கள் காதலிக்கும்போது எப்படியாவது நீங்கள் குற்ற உணர்ச்சியை உணர்கிறீர்கள்… குற்ற உணர்ச்சி இருக்கும்போது நீங்கள் முற்றிலும் காதலுக்குள் செல்ல முடியாது… உங்கள் மனைவி அல்லது உங்கள் கணவரை நேசிக்கும்போது கூட குற்ற உணர்வு இருக்கிறது… எனவே நீங்கள் அனுமதிக்கப்படும்போது கூட மேலோட்டமாக நகர முடியாது, மேலோட்டமாக, உங்கள் மனைவியை நேசிக்க. பூசாரி உங்கள் குற்றத்தில் உங்கள் பின்னால் மறைந்திருக்கிறார்… உங்கள் சரங்களை இழுக்கிறார்.

குற்ற உணர்வு எழும்போது… நீங்கள் சுய மதிப்பை இழக்கிறீர்கள், சுய மரியாதையை இழக்கிறீர்கள்.

குற்ற உணர்வு இருக்கும்போது நீங்கள் நடிக்க ஆரம்பிக்கிறீர்கள். தாய்மார்களும் தந்தையர்களும் தங்கள் குழந்தைகளை காதலிக்கிறார்கள் என்பதை அறிய அனுமதிக்க மாட்டார்கள்… அவர்கள் செக்ஸ் இல்லை என்று பாசாங்கு செய்கிறார்கள்… குழந்தைகள் பாசாங்கு பற்றி தெரிந்து கொள்ளும்போது, ​​அவர்கள் எல்லா நம்பிக்கையையும் இழக்கிறார்கள்…

தந்தையர் மற்றும் தாய்மார்கள் தங்கள் குழந்தைகள் அவர்களை மதிக்கவில்லை என்று கூறுகிறார்கள் - அவர்கள் உங்களை எவ்வாறு மதிக்க முடியும்? நீங்கள் அவர்களை எல்லா வகையிலும் ஏமாற்றி வருகிறீர்கள்… காதலிக்க வேண்டாம் என்று அவர்களிடம் சொல்லிக் கொண்டிருந்தீர்கள் - ”ஜாக்கிரதை!” - நீங்கள் எப்போதும் அன்பை உருவாக்குகிறீர்கள்.

முதலில், குற்ற உணர்வு பாசாங்குத்தனத்தை உருவாக்குகிறது. பின்னர் பாசாங்கு மக்களிடமிருந்து அந்நியப்படுவதை உருவாக்குகிறது. உங்கள் சொந்தக் குழந்தை கூட உங்களுடன் ஒத்துப்போகாது… ஒரு நாள் நீங்கள் நடிப்பதை நீங்கள் அறிந்துகொள்வீர்கள், மற்றவர்களும் அப்படித்தான். எல்லோரும் நடிக்கும் போது, ​​நீங்கள் எவ்வாறு தொடர்புபடுத்த முடியும்?

… இப்போது இந்த மக்களை அடிமைகளாக்குவது மிகவும் எளிதானது them அவர்களை எழுத்தர்கள், நிலைய ஆசிரியர்கள், பள்ளி ஆசிரியர்கள், துணை சேகரிப்பாளர்கள், அமைச்சர்கள், ஆளுநர்கள், ஜனாதிபதிகள் என மாற்றுவது. இப்போது அவற்றை திசை திருப்புவது மிகவும் எளிதானது. அவற்றின் வேர்களிலிருந்து நீங்கள் அவர்களைத் திசைதிருப்பினீர்கள்.

முடிவில், நெறிமுறை ஸ்லட் எழுத்தாளர் டோஸி ஈஸ்டனின் தொடர்புடைய மேற்கோளைச் சேர்ப்பேன்:

உடல் உழைப்பின் தாத்தா வில்ஹெல்ம் ரீச், 1936 இல் பேர்லினில் உள்ள இளம் கம்யூனிஸ்டுகளுடன் பேசினார்… பாலுணர்வை அடக்குவது இல்லாமல் - குறிப்பாக குழந்தைகள் பாலியல் பற்றி கற்றுக்கொள்வதைத் தடுக்க ம silence னத்தின் சதி - நீங்கள் ஒரு சர்வாதிகார அல்லது சர்வாதிகார அரசைக் கொண்டிருக்க முடியாது என்று கூறினார் .

எல்லோரும் எதையாவது குற்றவாளியாக உணருவதை அடிப்படையாகக் கொண்டு சர்வாதிகார அரசு என்று அவர் கூறினார். எனவே சுயஇன்பம் அவர்களுக்கு மோசமானது என்று நீங்கள் சொன்னால், குற்ற உணர்ச்சியை உணராத எவரும் உங்களிடம் இல்லை, இல்லையா?

இது மிகவும் உண்மை என்று நினைக்கிறேன். பாலியல் ஒடுக்குமுறை என்பது சர்வாதிகார அரசின் ஒரு கருவியாகும், அவை நம் அனைவரையும் மோசமாக உணர வைக்கின்றன. அவை நம் ஆசைகளைப் பற்றி மோசமாக உணரவைக்கின்றன. நம்மிடம் உள்ள ஒவ்வொரு கற்பனையையும், நம்மிடம் உள்ள ஒவ்வொரு ஆசையையும், நம்மிடம் உள்ள ஒவ்வொரு ஆராயும் யோசனையும் ஒருவித நோய்க்குறியியல் அல்லது இன்னொருவையாகும், அதாவது மனிதர்களாக நாம் இழிவுபடுத்தப்படுகிறோம் என்று அர்த்தம். எனவே அவர்கள் என்ன செய்கிறார்கள் என்றால், அவர்கள் எந்த ஆற்றலையும், எந்தவொரு ஆய்வு உணர்வையும், எந்தவொரு படைப்பாற்றலையும் பெற்ற அனைவரையும் அழைத்துச் சென்று, ‘ஓ, நீங்கள் நல்லவர் அல்ல, நீங்கள் சரியில்லை’ என்று கூறி, நம் அனைவரையும் ஸ்குவாஷ் செய்கிறோம்.

ஈரோஸ் என்பது உயிர் சக்தி, பிரபஞ்சத்தின் அனிமேஷன் சக்தி, தாவோ, தெய்வீகம் என்று நான் நம்புகிறேன். இது நம் அனைவருக்கும் எல்லா நேரங்களிலும் பாய்கிறது என்று நான் நம்புகிறேன். எங்களால் எப்போதுமே அதில் கவனம் செலுத்த முடியாது அல்லது இரவு உணவை எப்படி சாப்பிடுவது என்று நாங்கள் கண்டுபிடிக்க மாட்டோம் - நாங்கள் இனி உடலில் இருக்க மாட்டோம். ஆனால் இலவசமாகப் பாயும் பாலியல் என் ஆன்மீகத்திற்கும், எனது விழிப்புணர்வுக்கும், எனது சொந்த மதிப்புகள் பற்றிய உணர்விற்கும், உலகில் நகரும் என் உணர்விற்கும் இன்றியமையாதது என்பது எனக்குத் தெரியும், மேலும் நீங்கள் எப்படி ஒரு ஆக்குவீர்கள் என்று என்னால் கண்டுபிடிக்க முடியவில்லை மக்கள்தொகையை கட்டுப்படுத்த பயன்படுத்தக்கூடிய மதம்… ”

காதல் தந்திரம் தந்திரம்

வழங்கியவர்

ஜெகதீஷ் கிருஷ்ணன்

[agape358]

懐かしや^ ^ 以前は キレるとき ドスの効いた どれつのまわる関西弁で 怒りを出していたけれど 今じゃ 諭すように 相手を思いやる叱り方を するようになったや って私自身に 笑ってしまった笑 懐かしいや^ ^ あの頃の私がいるから 今の私がいる。 その当時 どれもこれも かけがえのないひととき 他者がいなければ 磨き合うことも 自分自身の姿を 見ることもできない。 味わい深き体験 人間として 味あわせいただき 感謝します。 ありがとうございます。 アガペー１４３９ Nostalgia ^ ^ Previously When you get rid of Dossy In any Kansai dialect I was angry Now To deceive How to speak to the other person I came to To myself Lol I miss you ^^ Because I was there at that time I am now. at that time All of these Irreplaceable moment If there is no other To polish each other Make yourself I can't see it either. A deep experience As a human Have a taste together Thank you Thank you very much. #EVHA #SIELA #ありがとう #きれい #ツインレイ #天からのメッセージ #EXA PIECO #龍 #FALF #愛 #調和 #感謝 #学び #最後の転生者   https://www.instagram.com/p/B5oVpIhHug5/?igshid=1j68uipancfoo

[amandaearl]

My journey to polyamory

As a child I had Barbie dolls, including two Ken dolls. All the dolls tortured and fucked each other. The Ken dolls fucked each other too. I didn’t think about it, that’s just how the dolls behaved.

 When I was 16, I became a regular attendee of a friend’s Pentecostal church. Mainly because I wanted to meet boys. She and a bunch of us went to see the Pink Floyd Laser Rock show at Toronto’s McLaughlin Planetarium/ROM. I sat beside a handsome boy who was 18. Jimmy. He was blond, had a beard and wore cologne. To this day, I have a total thing for blond bearded fellows (but not so much their cologne). I was attracted. He reached over and held my hand. I was thrilled. It was dark. A few minutes later I saw that he was also holding Trudi’s hand. I was thrilled (still).

 Later in the washroom, I mentioned this to her, thinking she would be as excited about it as me. To me, his holding my hand as well as hers gave the gesture even more power, made me feel even more popular to him since he liked me well enough to include me even though he was already holding another girl’s hand. I felt validated. But when I told Trudi, she was shocked and hurt. She cried. I didn’t understand. I continued to see Jimmy a few more times for secret kisses and beard rubs. It was lovely.

 I had my first serious long term relationship in first year university. We became lovers and then we got married in our twenties. It was a monogamous relationship for 18 years. In my mid 30s, I wanted to be involved with other men. I’d always been boy crazy, then man crazy. I didn’t ever really understand why I could be with only one man. I always wondered what it would be like to fuck other men. I fantasized about friends, husband’s friends, husbands of friends, etc.

 After my first husband and I parted ways, my bedroom became a revolving door. I fucked many different men. I avoided their attempts at making our relationship exclusive. After six months of fucking a lot of different men, I met my second husband. We were exclusive for four years, not because of a spoken agreement that we would be, simply because we were wrapped up in each other and experiencing all the joys of new relationship energy. We always said we would be open and honest with each other. I had an experience where I was becoming attracted to another writer who didn’t live in Ottawa. The writer suggested we have an affair. I was petrified. I felt terrible. I knew I had to talk to my husband about it, but I was afraid of what would happen.

 I told him and he suggested we get a hotel room. I was nervous about it but I was also so pleased that my husband didn’t get angry with me and that he wanted to explore. The writer from out of town was a disappointment in the long run, but the experience led to an exploration that has not only enriched our marriage but also helped us to learn more about ourselves, each other and others. There have been MFF and MFM live in triads, occasional dating, brief hook ups and long term friendships. I don’t speak about my husband’s journey here, only my own, but I can say that we’ve always been supportive, loving and communicative with each other on this and every other aspect of our lives. I am passionately in love with him and feel so glad that we found each other, 16 years ago.

 There have been sexual relationships and nonsexual ones. I give love to others by the work I do in the literary community and trying to be kind and nurturing to friends and strangers alike when it’s needed. I share my thoughts so that others who don’t feel that they fit in can find a kindred spirit and know that they are not alone.

 There has been support and curiosity from fellow explorers of non monogamy. Monogamous friends have also been supportive and caring while not at all being able to understand what the fuck we’re doing or why we would. I have been slut-shamed, my orientation has been linked to nefarious nonconsensual and misogynistic practices. I have felt alienated with every monogamous love song and portrayal of ideal love in film, in books and in social media. It is difficult to share and stand up for something that is so vilanized in society.

 I could stand on a soapbox here and talk about the divorce rate of monogamous relationships or domestic violence or what have you, but that’s not why I’m writing here today and I’m not interested in lecturing or scolding anyone. I was once told I was attempting to be an evangelist of polyamory. That has never been the case. I don’t know any one relationship type that fits all humans. I don’t know any relationships that haven’t had problems, regardless of relationship type. Polyamory works for me.

 I define polyamory as a capacity for infinite love and a willingness to consensually explore intimacy in any form with likeminded individuals. If I had known that the possibility existed when I was in my 20s, I might have attempted it. But I had no idea. I believe that everyone deserves to have agency in the type of relationships they enter into. It’s a decision that each individual needs to make rather than be pressured into it by a potential partner or convention.

 For those interested in exploring, there are a multitude of books and sites you can refer to, but here are a few that have helped me over the years:

 The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (I prefer the 1st edition to the 2nd)

 Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships by Wendy-O-Matik

 Spiritual Polyamory by Mystic Life

 I leave you with this quote from Wendy-O-Matik’s book:

 “Love is inherently the ability to accept whatever the outcome may be, because there is no outcome that is written in stone or that might still reverse itself five minutes or five years later.”

[sliding-into-space]

Steel, Forest, Lilac

-Steel: "you post the most beautiful art/fix/edits"

-Forest: "You are the stupidest mother fucker alive and I love you"

-Lilac: "you make my dash better and I cherish you."

Well thank you friend! I may rattle when you shake me from the one braincell left, but I sure do try my best 🥺💞