#dude i was not expecting to crash so hard the week after classes ended

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

boy i accidentally clocked into work an hour early . what the fuc

[imaginesmai]

heyy, thank you for answering the request!💜sending it again: I want to request a quarantine angst imagine with tom, something like the reader is alone in her apartment, while Tom is staying in his with the boys, so she is calling him constantly because she feels lonely and the boys start teasing, so he starts to treat reader differently and someday when he thinks the call is over he says she’s clingy or something, reader hear what he said, feel awfully and stops talking to him

This doesn’t come late, this comes completely out of time. I needed a time out of Tumblr, because I didn’t enjoy writing anymore. Hope you enjoy this! I changed it a bit since we’re not longer in complete lockdown, but it has the same basic plot! 

Oceans between us

You waited patiently as Tom finished his conversation with Harry, who had just appeared through the corner of your call and had taken your boyfriend’s attention away. It was an important conversation, you could understand so much, because Tom had muted himself while they talked so you couldn’t hear what they were saying. You were okay with it, really, because you understood that in his line of work he had to keep some stuff hidden until the movies came out. And you had had your fair share of early spoilers from him to accept it.

The problem was that minutes were tickling, and now there was another person in the room – a boy you hadn’t met before, that was laughing behind Tom. It seemed that, whatever they were talking about, was funny.

“Tom?” you tried again in a small voice, not feeling like continuing the call anymore. You looked at the time above the screen – ten minutes since he muted himself.

Either he had turned off the sound, or he ignored you.

In a burst of irritation, you left the couch and went over to the kitchen, your dog following you close. He sniffed your legs and sat while you took a glass of water and leaned against the sink – if he wanted to talk to you again, you could hear it from there. Manchee, the adorable puppy you had gotten a year ago, seemed to catch that there was something wrong with his owner, so he rubbed his nose against your bare leg.

“It’s fine. We talked this morning, it’s not like I haven’t seen him for days” you smiled at him, trying to get yourself to believe your words. “Besides, he has every right to be busy too. Not his fault that I’m stuck”

But it wasn’t your fault, either. One of your classmates in college had tested positive in covid almost a month ago. Your class had been sent home the next day, and you had been quarantined for 15 days – but the quarantine passed, and the classes remained online because the situation in your country got worse, which meant you could only go out grocery shopping, go the doctor in case of need or to work if you were a essential worked. Since the two last situations weren’t given, you were stuck in your small, rented apartment, going out only once a day to take your dog for a short walk.

The first days were hard, and now it had only gotten worse. You were bored out of your mind, tired and sick of being inside. You cried more often than not, and since your family didn’t have the technology to facetime you, the only person you saw beside your reflection in the mirror was your boyfriend. Tom, who was away in another country filming and busy, and who lately seemed to ignore you more often than not.

As expected, because it wasn’t the first time you had to do so, you ended the call, watching a last minute of an empty camera because Tom had left his phone in the room as he went somewhere else.

“We could restart Vampire Diaries”

A bark.

“Watch Mamma Mia? A classic, never grows old”

Another back, this time louder.

“Not a huge fan of me dancing, fine. I respect that – I don’t share it, but alright. Baking?”

More dog noises.

“Of course, you’re up to anything that involves food. When this ends, I’m getting you on a diet. I promise” you said, and you swore Manchee made a protesting noise. “What was that? The greatest showman? You have the best ideas, Manch”

Manchee ran out of the room as you searched for the movie on Netflix, and you didn’t hear him again. As you watched the movie, you kept looking at your phone, hoping to see a message for him and imagining what would it feel like if he called you back. You didn’t want to be a possessive girlfriend, but it hurt when he wasn’t there now that you needed him the most. Rubbing the suspicious wet feeling on your eyes, you put the phone face down and tried to enjoy the movie, even if it was the third time you watched it in a month.

-

As expected, he didn’t call you. You held your pride together and spent the next day giving him radio silence – no calls, no messages, nothing. You took Manchee for a walk, who found a squirrel in the park and made you run behind him. You bought the essentials in the supermarket, that was empty, and went back to an apartment that wasn’t your home. As expected, Manchee ate half of your food when you went to the bathroom, and jumped into the shower when you were it. It seemed that he knew you were having a bad day, so he even cuddled in your lap when you sat down to do some college work.

Wednesday came and left, without talking to Tom. By then, your pride held some deep wounds because Tom hadn’t talked to you again. You had received two messages, a good morning and night, and if he noticed you hadn’t answered, he didn’t care. It was almost night time when you decided to call him. After the second try, you were met with the ceiling of an unknown room and voices you didn’t know.

“ – again. What is she? Three?” someone laughed, but you couldn’t see anything. “My nephew is more independent, and she hasn’t started school yet!”

“Dude, I remember a chick I went on a date with” another deep voice said, and you understood Tom had picked up your call without meaning too. Still thinking what to say, the new person kept talking. “She sent me a message right after I left her in her house. And when I didn’t reply, she called me in the morning. I mean, I know I’m irresistible, but I need space!”

“She’s not usually like this, I swear” Tom chuckled, and you smiled just from hearing his voice. Again, you didn’t have time to say anything because he kept talking. “She’s just… we’ve been away for a while, and Y/N’s country is in lockdown, so she’s bored”

Oh

“That doesn’t give you the right to call you every second of the day, dude! Last week she called you three times. And yesterday you were on the phone with her for a whole hour” the first boy said. You didn’t bother cleaning the gathering tears on your eyes. “She’s way too dependent”

“She’s big clingy, that’s all. We live in different countries, so it’s hard for us. And, I mean, if she – “

“Dude”

You let the phone fall on the couch and you moved out of the camera, barely in time to cover your mouth and cover the sob breaking free. Probably, you were exaggerating, but you felt as if the world was crashing down. Everything was blurry and you breath was stuck in your throat, and you wanted so desperately to dig a hole and die there. Yes, you were clingy. And yes, you called Tom three times a day. But you were alone, away from home and in an awful pandemic situation that could bring anyone down. Before you could move to end the call, the person who had interrupted Tom talked again.

“The phone – you’re on a call”

There was silence, so wide and deep that you could hear a pin drop. And now they could hear the muffled sounds of someone crying. You saw the camera moving from where you were sitting, and you went to hang up before anyone could see that you had heard the conversation – because if there was something worse than getting stepped on, is to know that people have watched it too. T

Tom’s face came into view, wide eyes and open mouth. He looked pale, shocked, and you had barely time to hear the begging of your name before you hang up. The phone rang again, twice. Two facetimes, three calls. Tom kept calling, messaging you, and you lost track of how many times he called you, until you finally turned off the phone.

Manchee came back to the couch, licking the tears out of your face and whining when your body racked with sobs. He looked surprised when the phone went crashing against the wall, but didn’t go after it. Instead, he squeezed himself in the couch beside you, and you cried your hear out.

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[winchester-purgatory]

My brother’s best friend | Dean Winchester (part 1)

Summary: Dean visits his brother in Palo Alto...and fall for the redhead crashing in Sam’s bed

Word count: 1.8k

-

Palo Alto, California 2004

''Are you kidding me?'' Sam grumbled as he checked through the peephole of his small apartment, seeing his big brother on the other side.

It was rare - very, very rare - that Dean would visit him. He'd rather vagabond from states to states in his precious Impala than visit his little brother who was in college, getting a degree, aka doing something of his life.

The only times he'd visit was if something happened to their dad - or when he needed something. Nine times out of ten, it was the latter.

Although they had been raised by the same man, the two brothers were very different. Their lifestyle, by example, was polar opposite. Sam was pursuing law studies and planned on become a criminal lawyer while Dean prefered to jump from states to states - or, in Sam's words, from bed to bed - without ever settling. He was also a walking trouble, always getting himself tangled in some messy crap.

When they were kids, their uncle Bobby used to joke and said that Sam would help Dean get out of jail one day. He couldn't be closer to the truth.

Reluctantly, Sam unlocked and opened the door, skipping the greetings. ''What are you doing here?'' he hissed at his brother, keeping the door as closed as possible - and blocked - so Dean wouldn't peek inside or simply invite himself in.

''Hello to you too, Sammy.''

''What do you want?'' Sam demanded.

''Who said I needed something? Can't I miss my little brother?''

If Sam hadn't known his brother so well, he would've believed him. But, this was Dean.

''It's almost midnight and I have class at eight, Dean. I don't have time for placotage. What is it this time? Your girlfriend dumped you? You're out of money? Whichever, I can't do anything. I'm just as broke as you.''

He wasn't always this intolerant, but school had been stressful these past weeks and the younger Winchester was running on short nights and large coffees from all his hard studying. Therefore, he wasn't in the mood to deal with Dean's bullshit.

Dean rolled his eyes. ''I'm not here for money. I just need a place to crash. I was at this car expo with some guys from the auto shop I work at and, instead of spending a handful on a shitty motel, I thought of you and your old couch.''

Auto shop? Last time they spoke, he was working night shifts at a 7/11. That's an upgrade, Sam noted.

''Nice of you to think of me, but you can't stay here. I...I sold the couch. And, I have to study for-''

I sold the couch? Try again Sammy.

Not letting the brunet finish, Dean ignored him and pushed the door wider, walking in as if it was his place.

He glanced around the small apartement, the office lamp on the desk creating a dim light throughout the whole place. Like Dean remembered, the appartement was cramped. You could barely fit any furnitures beside a couch, a desk and a bed. It was a college student appartement, you can't expect too much. He immediately remarked the laptop set up on the desk with a pile of papers ant textbooks, mimicking the same set up Sam had in his old bedroom.

''Dean, I said-''

Panic rose inside Sam, whirling around and trying to push the blond out of his apartment, but it was too late. He had seen her. The fire haired girl sleeping peacefully in Sam's bed.

A smirk formed on the older's lips, turning his head in Sam's direction. ''Is that what you were trying to hide from me? From Dad? That you had a girlfriend? Oh Sammy. Always been shy about that stuff...''

Sam closed the door and sighed. ''She's not my girlfriend. And, keep it down, will you?''

Dean cocked an eyebrow. ''Why is she sleeping in your bed then, uh?'' He shook his head, smirking, convinced that he had demasked his brother. ''You know, Sammy, you've never been the master liar between the two of us. Is that why you ignored Dad's calls? Because you were too busy-''

''Dean,'' Sam hissed, narrowing his eyes in warning, not letting him time to finish his sentence.

He knew how filter-less his brother was and, even though the redhead was sleeping soundly, Sam would rather not risk her waking up to some dude she didn't know was insinuating events that never happened between she and Sam. That would be creepy and awkward.

Dean rolled his eyes. ''Right. I forgot how much of a prude you are.''

''She's a friend,'' Sam insisted, sighing with tiredness. ''She got into a bad argument with her boyfriend and needed a safe place to stay.''

''And you're trying to make me believe nothing happened under the sheets?'' Dean sank into Sam's couch and shook his head disapprovingly. ''You're such a let down, Sammy... How can you let a hot girl crash in your bed and pass the opportunity for a good time?''

''Because, unlike you, I think with my brain instead of my dick. She needed a roof, Dean, not a new dick.''

Dean smirked. ''Look where that got you.''

.

Like always, Dean got what he wanted and crashed at Sam's.

Well, he 'accidently' fell asleep on the couch while his brother was studying, giving Sam no choice but to let him sleep after trying times and times to wake him unsuccessfully.

The sound of glass clashing and shattering pulled Dean from his sleep. He sat up, a bit startled by the noise, and squinted his eyes at the harsh morning light shining straight in his eyes. Does Sam not have blinds or something?

''Shit,'' slipped a feminine voice.

Dean rubbed his eyes, adjusting to the change of light and glanced around, catching the redhead from last night standing at the 'kitchen' area of Sam's appartement. She was wearing one of Sam's old tee shirt, her long hair cascading down her back. Dean bit down him bottom lip.

''Everything okay?'' he asked, trying to see what happened.

''Yes!'' responded a feminine voice. ''I just dropped and broke a plate. It's nothing.'' She bent down to clean her mess, using a towel to pick up the broken pieces.

Humming, Dean stretched his arms over his head, his back aching from Sam's raggedy couch, and stood. He should get a new one, this one sucks.

''Sorry for waking you,'' she apologized, running a hand through her hair, tucking a piece behind her ear in slight embarassement. ''I was trying to make coffee and...I don't know how it happened.''

''Apologies accepted if you tell me there's coffee left,'' Dean bargained with a sly grin.

The redhead stood and nodded at the coffee machine before throwing the broken pieces of plate in the trash. ''Lucky for you, there's enough left for a cup.''

Picking up a cup from Sam's perfectly neat cupboard, the blond poured the last of coffee, not bothering to rinse the empty carafe. Sam will get on his back about it next time he'll use it, but it's not like Dean cared.

''I'm Juliet,'' the girl introduced, taking a seat in the desk chair as there wasn't any barstools or dinning table - not that there was any room for one. ''And you're Dean, Sam's brother.''

Dean furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. How did she know his name? He opened his mouth to ask, but she beat him.

''Sam left a note.'' She nodded at the sticky post-it on the top of the coffee maker.

Left for class. This is my brother, Dean. Don't hesitate to kick him out if he gives you trouble.

- Sam

Reading said note, Dean scoffed.

''I take it you're not on on Sam's good side,'' Juliet assumed, smiling behind her mug.

He shrugged, leaning against the small counter. ''Typical brothers.'' Dean took a long gulp of his black coffee, sighing at the burning feeling of the biter liquid as it passed through his throat. ''Sam and I are very different. Polar opposites, I'd say.''

Juliet looked him up and down and hummed affirmatively. ''I can see.''

At first glance, you wouldn't be able to tell they were brothers. Other than having very different facial features, their style was also contrasting. Although it remained along the lumberjack vibes - thanks to their father -, Dean was all about his fetish leather jacket and flannels while Sam was more of a polo and zip up hoodies person.

A phone went off, interrupting their small talk and Juliet checked the screen, knowing it was hers. She looked at the caller ID, face turning blank as she read the identifier. She let it ring.

''You don't pick up?''

She shook her head, biting her bottom lip, lowering her eyes on her bare thighs.

Dean didn't mean to pry, but he might have seen a guy's name on the screen. If he sticks to what Sam had told him last night, it must be her boyfriend - whom she got into a fight with.

''Want me to pick up?'' he suggested, lightening the mood, mild-joking.

''What?'' Juliet chuckled. ''No. I...I'll call him back later.''

Cocking an eyebrow, Dean gave her a look. ''Lie.''

Her blue eyes looked up and caught his green irises, holding an unsaid staring contest. As Dean stared into her eyes, he felt as if he could see through her like open doors. He could see how utterly unhappy she felt in all aspects of her life and it pulled at his heart.

Instead of admitting defeat, Juliet broke their stare and abruptly rose from her seat. ''Not that I don't like this morning chatter, but I have to get ready for work. My boss is going to have my head if I arrive late during lunch rush.''

It was almost eleven and, if she ran fast, she had a chance to get there in time.

She put her empty mug on the counter and skipped to the bed, retrieving some bundled clothes from a backpack at the end of Sam's bed.

''You work at a restaurant?''

''A diner,'' she corrected, fulmining though the bag for one more item before heading to the bathroom to change.

''Do you happen to serve pie at your diner?'' Dean asked, feeling hungry.

Knowing his Sam, he probably only had healthy snacks in his mini fridge and Dean was not about that life. He'll only eat lettuce when it's served with bacon and cheese...in a burger.

Peeking her head from the bathroom's door frame, Juliet flashed him a grin. ''Sure do.''

.

Just like that, Dean ended up sitting at some old fashioned diner's counter, eating a cherry pie with a scoop of ice cream, as recommended by the waitress.

''We don't usually serve it like that, but I'll make an exception for you,'' Juliet said, deposing the plate on the counter, right in front of Dean. ''After all, you saved me from getting fired.''

Dean smiled and thanked her before diving into the cherry goodness. God, he loves pie!

[s4ijoh]

the theory of love. matsukawa issei

MATSUKAWA ISSEI X GN! READER

GENRE: soulmate au; (implicit) college au; fluff; crack-ish?

WORD COUNT: 2.2k+

WARNINGS: (minor mention of) nudity

in which you have a beauty mark in each eyelid…

what an odd place to kiss someone for the first time.

you wonder. all different types of sweet yet awkward scenarios on how this meeting with your soulmate would play out begin to surface — more precisely, on how this first kiss with them would play out. out of all places...

why would they kiss your eyelids?

these are certainly not the answers you should be looking to answer during class, you reckon, yet, betrayed by your own inner voice who, against your own will decides to take the reins of your mind, you find yourself drifting away from reality and diving deep into your own head, swimming in thoughts of soulbound lovers and silly first kisses.

a giggle threatens to slip past your lips yet it dies in your throat before it has the chance to escape. it is hard to know when to stop the train of thought before it derails and, as always, the same old question comes back to haunt you.

what is taking them so long?

the question could be worse, you reckon, much worse. when you were just a child, barely old enough to understand the theory regarding love and soulmates, you remember hearing these frightening stories about people who were deemed loveless. they were bound to spend their entire lifetime wandering the face of earth in an infinite yet fruitless quest to find their other half. how cruel, you mused, for the universe to deprive someone of love.

you also recall, at the age of twelve, now old enough to decipher those were not just some bedtime tales, feeling terrified upon the realization that you could be one of the so called loveless ones. were you? although it’s not exactly one of your most treasured memories, it is still fairly vivid in the back of your head — your eyes urgently roaming every inch of skin on your body in a desperate attempt to dismiss that possibility, only for the answer to be mockingly hidden out of your sight.

for the longest time, your pitiful self dwelled on the reality that you weren’t worthy of love only for your faith to be restored when recently, whilst doing your make up, you found the two tiniest, barely perceptible dots laying on each of your eyelids, the symbol of hope itself adorning your skin — the evidence that you were not alone in this world and that some deity from above had blessed you with someone to share your love with.

although in retrospect, the scenario turned out to be a lot more optimistic than what you had first expected and for that you should be thrilled, with each passing day, the hollow in your chest grows darker as you have spent the last six years yearning for the day you’ll cross paths with your soulmate.

your heart longs for its missing piece and unfortunately there is no map to lead you to it.

what if you only meet them by the time you’re too old, too tired to have any love left to give?

it certainly gets lonely when you’re left dealing with the hole on your heart meanwhile everyone around you seems to have found their other half by now. just today, yet another girl in your friend group found her perfect match — or so she thinks, its easy to mistake some random boy for your soulmate when your beauty mark is located on your cheek.

at least you can rely on the fact that the placement of your beauty marks doesn’t leave much room for mistake, thats a given. maybe you weren’t that unfortunate, after all.

“movie night at my place tonight?” you tilt your head up to be met with issei’s figure towering over you. as you slowly bounce back to reality, you shift your eyes to the clock ticking on the wall. you figure you were too lost in thought to hear the lecturer call it a wrap.

“makki’s out of town so you can crash in his bed”

you met issei and takahiro at the beginning of this semester and it turned out that there was more to the two quiet laid back dudes who always sat in the back of the class than what first meets the eye. the chronic bored expressions they wear on their faces at all times are quite deceptive for they are anything but tedious and just happen to be quite easygoing and match your level of sarcasm. the three of you clicked almost instantly. movie nights on friday were a regular but a sleepover? now, that's a first.

(mainly because, besides the two beds on their shared room who were almost a size too small to fit their gigantic limbs, the next best surface on their apartment to sleep on would be the floor itself.)

“just admit that you’re afraid to sleep alone in your room, issei” you begin to gather your things but not without taking a peek at him through the corner of your eye to check the look of amusement growing on his face.

issei keeps his collected demeanor, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance while smiling down at you in a relaxed manner “if you start snoring the same way you always do halfway into a movie, it might actually be scarier to sleep in the same room with you”

you scoff at his merciless comeback although unamused. you knew better than to expect him to give in to your teasing remarks without a fight

“it’s always the guys who can’t even afford a couch who think they’re funny, huh?”

to be fair, you were aware they had just moved in together at the beginning of this semester and the house decor was still a work in progress.

he lets out a lighthearted laugh at your comeback, accepting his defeat and you follow suit, smiling brightly and softening your features “you’re lucky we don’t have one or else you’d be sleeping there tonight”

issei pats your head softly before he adjusts the strap of the backpack hanging off his shoulder and begins to walk away, turning on his heel when he is a few steps away from you, remembering he has to let you know the details for tonight.

when he turns his back on you and disappears into the distance a smile creeps its way into your lips almost instinctively. (what a lost cause. look at you so oblivious to how your heartbeat seems to echo a little louder inside your ribcage or how your heart rate seems to increase it’s tempo whenever you are around issei. you're not a naive little child anymore; you should’ve understood the theory of how love works by now.)

some days on campus are busier than others and you have learned it's easier to daydream your way through boring lectures and classes for time seems to go by faster yet there is no better way to unwind than to spend a friday night on the comfort of issei’s and makki’s tiny cozy apartment watching lame cartoon movies in the tiny screen of a computer. it’s part of your routine now and you find it's also easier to go through an intense week of work when you have these weekly movie sessions with them (him) to look forward to.

issei walks through the door and into the room, grabbing a blanket out of makki’s bed before taking a seat next to you on his bed so you can share the bowl of sweet and salty popcorn he just popped in the microwave. you notice his feet peeking from under the blanket at the end of the bed whereas he's busy searching for a movie to watch on the computer that’s sitting on his lap — you make a mental note to gift him a bigger blanket on christmas since it is just around the corner.

you manage to convince issei to watch the grinch “to get into the christmas spirit” however, as soon as he presses play, your thoughts start drifting away. it has recently come to your knowledge that issei, just like you, still hasn’t found his soulmate — although he seems to be handling the situation a lot more smoothly than you. ever since the day you became aware of it, there’s this question that has been persistently lingering in the back of your head yet you have been hesitating to ask. you are unsure whether it is too early in your friendship to put your nose into more intimate affairs but then you remember it’s just issei, the worst he could do would be to mock you for your nosiness.

“issei,” he hums in acknowledgment while munching on the small pile of popcorn on the palm of his hand with his eyes still glued to the screen. “where is your beauty mark?”

the inquisitive look on your face morphs into one of confusion when he takes a glance at you with mischief gleaming in his eyes. why is he smirking? he pauses the movie, tilting his head back to shove the handful of popcorn into his mouth and placing the computer on the mattress before he stands up, your frown only intensifying upon the sight of him undoing his belt.

“issei!” you exclaim through a fit of laughter at the realization that he just pulled his pants down to reveal his bare ass to your once expectant eyes, your expression contorting to one of terror as you screw your eyes wide shut at his inadequate (yet all too familiar) antics. and here you stood thinking you had predicted what the worst case scenario could possibly be.

the wicked chuckle that erupts from his chest echoes through the dark room and you can hear him fastening his belt back on signaling it is safe for you to stop hiding behind your hands (not before you sneak a peek through your fingers though, just to make sure.)

“my soulmate will have to kiss my ass so I know they’re the real deal” the bed dips as he slumps, in a slouchy manner, on the mattress next to you, taking a glance to notice your eyes widening when he hears the gasp of disbelief that escapes your lips following his words.

“its a joke. you would’ve known that if you had looked” he chuckles still talking in that nonchalant tone of his whilst putting the movie back on.

“yeah. i figured, asshole.” you try to play it cool, brushing off the sound of your heart palpitating furiously against your chest.

half way into the movie and a bowl of sweet and salty popcorn later, your head starts to feel heavy on issei’s shoulder. he glances down at you only for his suspicions to be proven right — you have fallen asleep; just like he knew you would. he takes notice of the way you scrunch up your face, wrinkles starting to form in the corner of your eyes as you force them shut. the brightness of the screen is probably bothering you.

whilst issei wouldn’t trade his sweet bed for the world, given your tired state (and clearly out of courtesy), he can’t find it in him to disturb you so he decides to let you crash in his bed, he will take makki’s for the night.

“‘m going to turn this off” he closes the computer shut while whispering the words in a weary voice as drowsiness has creeped it’s way into his system as well.

“mhm, night” you yawn weakly while lifting your head from his shoulder with your eyes still closed as you manage to give him a clumsy goodnight kiss that lands on his ear before you move to a lying position and pull the blankets over your body, falling into a quiet slumber almost instantly.

his eyes widen in surprise.

did you just kiss him?

during the span of your friendship, neither of you have been the affectionate type sticking to a few sporadic hugs, which were rare nonetheless, yet he is not opposed to this new display of affection. he figures you must get clingier when you’re tired and it might have slipped out of impulse. now that he notices, this is the first time he remembers you kissing him and there is this foreign feeling flaring in the pit of his stomach at the possibility you might kiss him again. he lifts his weight out of bed and suddenly he’s paralized staring at the empty wall ahead of him. wait...

did you just kiss him… on his ear?

the world stops. his feet, although hesitant, are moving on their own as he feels a sudden magnetic pull to you and finds himself gravitating towards your sleeping figure lying on his bed. he crouches down next to you, silently admiring your features with mellow eyes and although his heart is a bit unsteady in his chest, he is overtaken with an inexplicable sense of tranquility. his heart can rest now, you finally found him.

that night you could’ve sworn you felt his lips lingering on your eyelids.

[a/n]: ayooo, just to let you all know that i finally made a google docs where you can sign up for my general taglist (even tho i post like once every two months but its wtvrrrrr, its wtvrr)

the amount of times i started writing this fic and deleted everything just to start all over again because i hated every single word of it… I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING NICE FOR MATTSUN !!1!!!😡 but ngl it was kinda worth the time because im sorta proud of it!

this is the v v v first time im writing for him, hopefully the characterization isnt off… n hopefully you enjoy!!!! ;)))

[hargrove-mayfields]

for @magellan-88!

When Hawkins’ class of ‘85 graduated high school, Billy was the first to take off, halfway back to San Francisco before the caps even touched the ground.

Everyone gave hats off to him for being one of the few who’d ever make it out of the dying ghost town that was Hawkins, but as much as he hated that place and all its confines, he felt like he had left behind a lot.

The job wasn’t what he really wanted to do anyways, his house, when he was still staying there, was cramped, and after only a couple of months, the town had no sentimental value to him. The only thing he couldn’t help but feel bad about ditching, and that amounted to a whole lot of regret on his part, were the people.

Not the girls who swooned over him or the half made friendships he’d been neglecting since they formed anyways either, but he had his little sister, to whom he promised he’d drop everything and come back the second she said the word, and he also had Steve.

His relationship with Steve was a little blurrier, the two of them had gotten to the point of calling each other friends just after Christmas, best friends by the time Neil kicked Billy out for nothing but turning the big one-eight in april, and he was left crashing on the Harrington’s designer couch until he was free to leave Hawkins.

That’s where Steve would’ve ended the story at least, but as for Billy, he’d fallen ass over tits in love for his best friend in a matter of a smoldering gaze at a Halloween party.

Of all the many things he regrets about his short time in that cramped little town, he’d have to say the biggest was not having worked up the courage to fess up about his little crush before he skipped town to live it up more than two thousand miles away, mostly because that had been the only of his mistake he never took any time to resolve.

So it was that when Steve, apparently completely forgetting about the existence of time zones, calls him up at five in the morning to ask if he could come out to visit his new place in the golden state in a few weeks, Billy senses a pretty big opportunity.

What Steve had always done when Billy was staying at his place was cover the couch in the upstairs foyer, as he was made to call it, in layers of spare pillows and blankets, making it up like a bed for him. If he could, he would’ve let him have the guest bedroom, but that was out of the question when every other night that Steve’s parents were home, they argued and John had to take the spare.

But Billy doesn’t have a spare room, and he isn’t too sure about doing the same for Steve in his new apartment.

The problem isn’t that he can't, he has a brand new couch, bought from an actual furniture store instead of an old busted up one at thrift (or that he brought in off the curb and said was bought at thrift) and it’s even got a pull out to make things easier. He’d spent too many dozens of nights on Steve’s couch, staring up at the way high ceiling and wishing he had the guts to make a move, that he doesn’t think his yearning heart can take being just down the hall from him again, especially not with the promise that in a few weeks time, there’d be that vast, looming space between them again.

So he’s settled on it, Steve is going to sleep in his bed. He’s just gotta find a way to get him there, and that’s simple enough, he just has to pretend there’s nowhere else for him to sleep.

Now, he’ll admit that his plan on selling that idea is shaky at best, but Steve is bone tired when he gets there a few days later, his first time flying and dealing with jet lag taking everything he has out of him, so really, he’s looking to crash as soon as they get up to Billy’s apartment.

Only, he notices immediately that the couch isn’t set up like a bed like he usually would have done it up, and he looks to Billy with a slight tilt of his head, confusion in those big puppy-dog eyes.

So Billy answers, trying not to be too smug about it, “Sorry man, couch is out of the question.”

“Why?” Steve asks, then thinks better of it, knowing Billy’s history, “Actually, hold that thought, I don’t think I want to know.”

That makes Billy laugh, makes him remember why he fell in love with Steve in the first place too, “Nothing gross this time, s’just brand new. Can’t have you drooling all over the furniture that cost me two months of rent.”

“Right. So.. where am I going to sleep then?”

“I’ve got a bed, Steve.”

“Well duh, but I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed.”

“I didn’t say that. You’re not the only one with a queen sized now. I got room for two.”

“But.. is that going to be weird?” Steve asks, shifting on his feet, like the suggestion makes him uncomfortable, and Billy almost backs out then, lies about how he was just messing around to test Steve, but he sticks to his guns, saying, “Only if you make it weird. Don’t have much of a choice anyhow, unless you want to sleep in the bathtub.”

Steve insists on arguing though, “What’s wrong with sleeping on the floor?”

“Dude, this is a shitty ass apartment. I live here and I don’t even know half of the nasty shit that’s been on this floor.”

“Fine, just as long as I have a place to sleep.” Steve half-mumbles, cut off by a yawn, obviously too tired to keep pressing the issue.

He saunters off to Billy’s room not too long after that, not even changing out of his clothes before he’s throwing himself face down in his bed, leaving Billy to do his entire nighttime routine while Steve makes himself right at home, assuming that after brushing his teeth and putting his hair up, changing out of his jeans and triple checking that the doors and windows were locked tight, that’d be enough time for Steve to fall asleep.

That however, does not happen to be the case.

Billy knew from sleeping just down the hall from Steve’s bedroom that he snored like a motherfucker, and from the times he had fallen asleep on the basketball bus after a game that Steve never stopped moving in his sleep, but he was truly not prepared for how difficult it was for Steve to get to sleep in the first place.

He understands it, he remembers how hard it had been trying to relax in the silence that surrounded the country, and since that was all Steve was used to, it wasn’t exactly a surprise that the sounds of the city were hard for him to tune out and just sleep.

What he doesn’t understand is how Steve doesn’t wear himself out tossing and turning, and after at least an hour of it, Billy’s got to wonder if this is a princess and the pea type situation, some messed up spring in his mattress making this arrangement not proper for the royalty at his side.

Billy can tell he wants to talk, from the way he keeps feeling Steve’s eyes on his back, the tapping of his fingers against the headboard, which, if they got to talking he might not even need part two of his plan, but Steve doesn’t ever say anything just sighs with every chime on the clock, another hour he can’t get to sleep.

It isn’t until three in the morning rolls around that Steve finally conks out, Billy himself still barely awake enough to shoot his shot, draping himself over Steve and pulling him close before he has a chance to roll over onto his front again, falling asleep with his crush in his arms.

~~~~

The sun’s not up yet, and the clock’s too blurry to say exactly what time it is when Steve wakes up again, realizing after a few minutes that he’s hot as hell, and didn’t immediately start tossing and turning again, which, once he’s actually woken up enough to think, he discovers that the only reason that is is because Billy is pressed against his back, his arm thrown over his side, spooning him and basically keeping him held there in place.

Steve at first tries not to think about it, the whole, sleeping in the same bed as the person he deliberately never did that with to avoid facing his feeling, and just get comfortable with Billy all cuddled up to him, but he’s a front sleeper, and Billy is fucking hot in more ways than one, so when it’s evident that’s not going to work, he clears his throat, announcing into the silence, “You’re smotherin’ me, Bill.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath behind him, like Billy had just woken up, and a soft little hum of a question, “Hm?”

“You’re like, on top of me, man.” Steve informs him, like he didn’t notice he was half laying on him, but Billy answers bluntly, voice all tired and scratchy, “Don’t care.”

That sort of confuses Steve. He’d been expecting an apology, for Billy to roll over and them to pretend this never happened in the morning, and it’s got his mind, and his heart, racing a mile a minute, because Billy isn’t the only one with a helpless crush, there’s a reason Steve flew 2,000 miles just to see him.

So he asks, before he can lead himself on, “Just to be clear, is this an accidental thing that only isn’t awkward because we’re friends or is this like, meaningful?”

Billy just hums, pulling him even closer, making Steve feel small, “Go to sleep, Steven.”

“Okay.” He tries to, shoving his arm under the pillows and shifting under Billy’s weight so he’d be comfortable enough, but it’s just nagging at his lovesick brain, “But seriously man, I don’t know what I should take away from this.”

Billy sighs softly, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, maybe because he was tired, maybe because Steve was being Steve, “Look, you’re in my bed, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, because of the couch, I thought you were just a cuddler or something.”

“Nope. This was all by design.”

“So then the couch..”

“Was perfectly fine, yeah. Damn thing even has a fold out.”

“You did this on purpose?”

“Thought I made that pretty obvious.”

Steve pouts, sitting up so Billy has to let go of him, “Well if you’re so annoyed with me, I’ll just leave you to get back to sleep.”

“Oh no. It’s much too late for that. I’m thinking we’re going to have to find another way to spend the time now. And, well, since you’re already here...”

[trashforhockeyguys]

Don’t Hold Me -7- Carter Hart

A/N: YEEEEDOGGIE we’re back again! Don’t mind the slight technical difficulties. It’s been a LONG DAY. BUT we’re here and it’s back. A lot of things happen in this chapter. It’s a little wild but it’s setting things up for the chapters to come! As always, all preivous parts are linked in my masterlist!

“C’mon!” Your roommate laughed, tugging your arm, “It’s a small party! It’ll be okay!”

“The last time I went to a party, it didn’t end well.”

She sighed and looped her arm through yours. You knew she just didn’t want you to sit in your room all night. Travis and the boys just got back this afternoon, but you were trying to give them space. They had a rough road trip, and you knew they’d all be worn out. 

However, that didn’t mean that you didn’t want to go racing over to see Trav. You’d grown used to having him nearby whenever you needed him. It was nice, you liked knowing you had someone to help you out. 

You missed being near your brother, so Travis naturally filled that void. Plus, Nolan was always around too, and he blanenced out Travis, more than he probably knew. Both of them together made you feel more like yourself that you had in years. 

“Fine, but I’m not drinking, and if it gets too crazy I’m coming back,” You warned her. 

“How about we both be sober tonight?”

You laughed, knowing full well she wouldn’t stay sober all night. But you liked that she was at least trying for your sake. You knew you really shouldn’t have agreed to go with her, but you wanted to have a little bit of fun. You’d been feeling good lately, you’d been getting good grades in all of your classes. You just wanted one night. One night to feel like a semi normal college student. 

“You aren’t wearing that.” 

“I’m not wearing your stripper skirt again, either,” You laughed. 

Two hours later, you were sitting on the couch of a frat house, minding your own business as everyone around you danced and drank. You were fine with it though. Because at least you weren’t alone. Even if all you wanted to do was call Travis and ask if you could go over for a movie, you stayed put.

But another hour after that, your stomach started to growl. You didn’t trust any of the food here, so you set out to find your roommate and tell her you were going to leave to find something to eat. 

She was dancing and laughing with a boy she’d been with a lot in the last few weeks, “Come dance!” She yelled when she saw you. 

“I’m actually going to go find food.”

“Ughhhhhh fine! Call me when you get home!”

You waved as you made your way out the door. Much to your entire family’s dismay, you liked walking around Philly. You liked the quiet, even if the streets were anything but quiet. It allowed you to think, and feel like you could breathe for a little while. 

You used to walk everywhere back home, and you missed it. So you tried your hardest to keep being able to do that. It also didn’t hurt that campus wasn’t far from a lot of your favorite places. 

You walked to your favorite little cafe, needing one of their sandwiches. The place was quiet because of how late it was. You couldn’t help but wonder if Carter had found this place yet. He’d like it, he’d like how quiet it was and how hidden it seemed to be. 

You pulled out your phone, almost tempted to text him. But surely he’d be sleeping after all he’d just done. There had been a few tough losses, Carter was in net for both of them. You were sure the last thing he wanted to do was go out on the town, even if it was to just meet you for some dinner. 

You wanted to smack yourself. You weren’t meant to be friends with Carter. You weren’t meant to feel things for him. He was Carter...you weren’t supposed to go down this path.

So instead, you settled into your usual booth in the corner and waited on your food. You happily sipped on hot chocolate. All you really wanted to do now was eat and go curl up in your warm bed. You’d prefer to be in Travis’s because it was more comfortable, but that would mean that he’d go crash on the couch and you wouldn’t ask that of him again. 

You didn’t even notice someone else walk into the empty cafe until they spoke up at the counter. You knew that gravelly voice, laced with something you could never quite pinpoint. The mop of messy hair, the way he stood. 

It felt like a hole had been punched in your chest. Fear crept in before you even had a chance to think about anything else. The walls were closing in on you. He was here. You had to get out. You had to get somewhere safe. 

You waited until he had his back turned to you and the exit. You dropped cash on the table and all but ran. Your heart thudded as you got out, hoping he wouldn’t come after you. He was here. He wasn’t meant to be here, but there was nothing to stop him now. 

 You ran hard and fast. You didn’t even know where you were going, you just had to get away from there. You were cold and shaking, fighting back tears. You were running away from campus, the last thing you wanted to do was be alone in your dorm room. 

Before you knew what you were doing you were pounding on the door of an apartment. The second the door flung open your knees buckled. The tears came, there was no stopping it. The person on the other side of the door caught you. 

His body was warm and strong against yours. Everything in you shook as you clutched onto him. You shouldn’t be here, you knew that. But he was the first person you thought of, somehow you knew he’d keep you safe. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” You could hear the panic as he slowly got you inside the apartment and got the door closed, “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“He’s here,” you knew he wouldn’t understand. But that was all you could think to say. 

That was all you could say. 

“It’s okay,” He whispered, “I’ve got you. I’m just going to call Teeks.”

“No!” You yelled, “Don’t...just don’t go.”

You clutched onto his shirt harder. You couldn’t be alone, even if he just stepped away for a phone call. You didn’t want to be left. He was here...and you needed someone to stay next to you. Your whole body shook more. The realization started to set in, he’d really found you. 

After all this time, the second he had a chance, he came and found you. The city that you loved didn’t feel safe anymore, not with him in it. You didn’t feel like you could walk around, or go to your favorite places. What if he was there too?

Eventually you fell asleep, still in Carter’s arms, clutching onto him for dear life. 

Carter didn’t exactly know what to do. He hadn’t expected you to show up on his doorstep, crying so hard that you could barely breathe. In fact, it was the last thing he’d expected from you. He almost panicked, because he didn’t know what to do. But the way that you held onto him, somehow, he knew that you trusted him enough to be here. 

He thought about the nightmares you’d had the last time you were in his place, and if this had anything to do with them. He didn’t know who spooked you so much, but he knew that TK needed to know.

He shifted enough that he could reach for his phone, without disturbing you. You’d all but passed out, eventually just too exhausted to even keep your eyes open. But you were still whimpering, a few stray tears still slid down your cheeks. Carter just wanted to make it all go away, he wanted to see your smile again. 

“Hartsy, what’s up man? I saw you a few hours ago!” TK’s voice rang out from the other end of the line. 

“Y/N’s here. It’s bad man I don’t know what’s going on,” Carter told him, carefully and quietly. 

“She’s what?”

“Dude she showed up on my doorstep, absolutely freaked out. Kept saying ‘he’s here’ I don’t know what’s going on, but you should get over here.”

An impressive string of curses left Travi’s mouth, “Where is she now?”

Cater sighed, looking down at you with an unknown sense of fondness, “Literally passed out in my arms.”

“Okay...I’ll be over in a minute. And then I’m going to make a lot of phone calls and figure out exactly what’s going on.”

You stirred when Carter called for Travis to come on in. You tried not to move much, knowing you were more or less on top of Carter. You felt horrible, you weren’t meant to do this. You weren’t meant to be here, with Carter, like this. 

“Is she okay?” was the first thing Travis could ask. 

“She’s been like this since before I called you.”

“What happened?” another voice joined in, Nolan. Nolan was here too. 

You wanted to just disappear. You didn’t want any of this to happen, you didn’t mean for it to. You just wanted to go somewhere that you felt safe. Carter was the closest. But you didn’t mean for this to happen like this.

“I don’t know. She was banging on my door, and she was crying. She just kept saying ‘he’s here’ she collapsed in my arms and then passed out a while ago,” Carter explained, “I’m worried about her.”

“Damnit,” Travis cursed, “Patty, stay here with them. I need to go call Ethan.”

You could hear him in the other room, trying to figure things out with your brother. You knew Travis had figured out who you meant the second Carter said it the first time. Nolan figured it out when he said it again, you were sure of that. The only person who didn’t know was Carter. You didn’t want him to know, but you dragged him into it all when you showed up at his door.

“Damnit!” This time Travis yelled, before making his way back into the living room, “I don’t know how the hell he’s here. He can’t be within-”

“Because the order isn’t valid anymore,” you finally sat up, “I got a call from the lawyer last week.”

“And you didn’t fucking tell anyone?” 

“I didn’t feel like mentioning that I didn’t have a protective restraining order taken out against him anymore,” tears fell again, but this time you tried to be firm.

“What’re you talking about, Y/N?”

You swallowed hard, “It’s nothing.”

“I swear to god, you don’t get to hide shit like that from those of us who helped pick up the pieces, and then show up at his doorstep and brush him off,” Travis warned. 

He sounded so much like Ethan, you’d almost forgotten about the days the two of them would get mad at you for doing something stupid. They’d lecture you for what seemed like hours, and they always won. 

“Either you tell him, or I will.”

“I-”

“I swear to God, I’ll get Ethan on the first plane out here, and we’ll go deal with this guy. But you need to fucking tell Carter. He deserves to know now.”

This fear was different. Holding Carter at a distance meant that he’d never need to know that something like this happened to you. He’d never have to find out. But somehow, he’d worked his way into your life, so much so that you showed up on his doorstep when you really needed someone. 

And now you had to tell him what happened. Because Travis was right, Carter deserved to know. You showed up at his door like this, so he deserved to know why. Even if you weren’t sure how you could explain all of it. 

“It’s okay, cut her a break, Teeks, she’d had a rough night.” Carter’s voice was soft.

You shook your head. You didn’t want to have this conversation. You didn’t want to have to relive it all again, much less the night that he’d shown up in Philly. But you also knew that you were somehow starting to consider Carter to be a friend, and if he was really going to be your friend, he needed to understand a few things. He needed to know what happened to you before you came.

“You guys can go, I’m okay,” You told Travis and Nolan, not wanting to have this conversation with them here. 

“No, you’re going to come stay with me tonight. I don’t want you going back to your dorm alone,” Travis replied. 

“Travis, no offense, but if he wants to find me, he’ll start by looking for you. He knows I go to UPenn, but he won’t bother if I’m with someone he doesn’t know. Besides, roomie knows about what happened, and if she sees him she’ll be the first one to call the cops,” You explained, “I’m fine.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“She can stay with me,” Carter spoke up, “I have a spare room, she can stay here for the night.”

“I don’t think that’s-” 

“Y/N, it’s okay. I don’t mind.”

“Fine.”

“I’ve got her TK, don’t worry,” Carter assured him.

Travis looked at me, I could see how worried he was. The last time something like this happened I locked myself in my room for days and refused to leave. He was waiting for a breakdown that wasn’t going to come. I’d gotten it all out of my system. I would be different this time. 

“Call me if you need me,” He begged, “Please. And let Ethan know you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry you got dragged into this Nolan.”

He smiled softly and hugged you. For a second, you couldn’t help but tense up before relaxing in his arms. Nolan didn’t often hug you, he knew you didn’t like physical contact. Travis ignored all of that, since he’d known you for years, and remembered the little girl that always latched onto him for a big bear hug. 

“Be careful, okay?”

When they finally left, Carter went to go get both of you a drink, claiming you needed to rehydrate after crying so much. For some reason, it made you laugh, which you hadn’t expected. 

“So, not to be weird or anything, but you’re always in like sweatshirts and stuff...so why the bodycon?”

You’d forgotten about the dress your roommate put you in, “Shit. Um, I was at a party. Apparently you can’t wear a sweatshirt to a frat party.”

“You went to a frat party?”

“Uh, I kind of sat in the corner with a water bottle all night,” You admitted, “It’s not really my thing, but my roommate wanted me to go.”

He almost seemed to laugh, “I’m going to go grab a pair of sweats and a shirt for you,” He said, “And then you can go to bed.”

“Carter-”

“I meant it, I don’t need to know. I’m not going to force you to tell me. As long as you’re safe, I don’t care.”

Something seemed to swell in your chest. You couldn’t explain it, but the way he was looking at you and the way his voice sounded. You were feeling much more than you were meant to for him, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

“Carter, I-”

“It’s okay. I promise. You need to get some sleep, we can talk in the morning if you want.”

“But I-”

He shrugged and walked away to get clothes for you. When he came back he showed you to the guest bedroom, and waited on the bed for you to change in the bathroom. Oddly enough, he tucked you in and gave you a spare charger for your phone. He promised that if you were to need him, that you just had to come wake him up. He swore he didn’t mind. 

Just as he was getting ready to leave your bedroom for the night, he turned to look back at you. Something was swirling in his eyes, something you couldn’t explain or understand, “Did you love him?”

It was the last question you’d expected him to ask. Yet, at the same time, it seemed like the only question to ask. 

You had to blink a few times to rid yourself of the burn that was building in your eyes. How could you fully answer that question? You bit your lip and thought hard. All these years you tried not to think about your last relationship and everything you’d felt during those years. 

“Yeah,” You finally forced out, “I did, because I thought he loved me too. But that was before I realized that wasn’t what love was. He never loved me. But I was stupid enough to love him.”

[krsnbgirl]

Fly High! || Kageyama x Fem!Reader || Part 1

Summary: Attending Karasuno High School was your way of starting over and moving on from your injury in middle school. What you didn’t expect was to be pulled back into the world that you tried so hard to stay away from. Along the journey of recovery, you didn’t think you would grow close to Karasuno’s Boys Volleyball Team. Also falling in love with a certain setter was definitely something you didn’t expect at all. There’s one thing in common that you two share and that it’s wanting to fly as high as you can. 

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Fem!Reader

Genre: Rom-Com, Slice of Life, Sports 

Word Count: ~3.4k

Warnings: Slight swearing, smoking (for Ukai), Signs of Anxiety from Reader, Timeline heavily based on the anime

Author’s Note: Hello, hello lovelies! This is my first fanfiction for Haikyuu!! so please be easy on me ^^; Watching the series and anticipating for the next part of Season 4 has me wanting to write a series while waiting for it to come out. As you can see it’s based off of the anime, but I’m slowly getting through the manga! Let me know what you guys think and hope you all enjoy this! Also if you want me to start a taglist for this, let me know too hehe! xoxo, Ren  ❤

Part 1 || Part 2 || Masterlist 

It was a typical day at Karasuno High School as you made your way through the gates and towards your locker. There was still time before the first bell rang so you took your time reaching your destination, putting your hands into the pockets of your blazer. Your mind began to drift towards what you wanted for lunch that day since the new school week meant a new rotation of dishes to choose from. As you continued your way through the school, you noticed that the hallways were filled with more buzz than usual. Curiosity picked at you as you rested your hands behind your neck and tried to listen in on some of the conversations around you. Humming to yourself, you heard the latest gossip float by as your ears perked up at certain names you knew. 

“They made it through?” 

“Wait, they were that close?” “Were we they that good?” 

“So I guess they’re not The Fallen Champions anymore…” 

‘Ah…so that’s what everyone’s talking about.’ You thought as you turned a corner. 

Smiling to yourself, you finally reached your locker and began to change into your school shoes. Karasuno High’s boys volleyball team used to be its pride until their previous coach retired. The team lost its shine and you experienced first hand the toll it took on its members. They were left with no coach and the remaining upperclassmen on the team had to step up as coach in order to keep the club active. There was some hope for them when Coach Ukai returned and they were doing pretty okay but it was sad to see them go back to square one when their coach overworked himself and had to go into retirement once more. Now with recent changes, you were glad to hear that things were finally looking up for the boys. 

As you were going through your mental checklist for the day and braiding your hair to keep it out of your face, someone leaned against the lockers beside you. 

“Good morning (Y/N)-chan!” 

You looked behind your locker door to see who greeted you and gave your childhood and best friend a warm smile. 

“Yu-nii, how did the Inter High tournament go?” 

You arched an eyebrow as you noticed the dark look on his face and he grew silent. He was always so upbeat whenever you two were together, so something must have happened at their game. You sighed knowing that it was a habit of his whenever he grew frustrated or angry. Once you finished tying the elastic band at the end of your braid, you glared at him before flicking his forehead. 

“(Y/N)-chan, what was that for?!” he exclaimed and rubbed his forehead, pouting at you.. 

“Don’t let it get the best of you, nii-chan.” 

After closing your locker shut, you began to walk away and towards your classroom with Nishinoya falling into step beside you. He stuffed his hands into his pockets as he clenched his jaw, his mind filled with thoughts of their previous match. 

“If only you were there then you would’ve seen how cocky those bastards were. We were so close to beating them. Aoba Johsai ended up beating us by two points during the third set.” he grumbled. 

Your mind flashed back to your post practice conversations with Nishinoya whenever he was invited over for dinner. He was always so fired up whenever he talked about the teams he wanted to beat, especially Aoba Johsai. They were one of the top teams in their prefecture and he swore revenge after Karasuno went against them for a practice match. Looking back at Nishinoya and taking in his frustrated features, you gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze as you reached your classroom. He looked at you as you gave him an encouraging smile with a familiar determined glint in your eyes. 

Nishinoya’s eyes widened a bit as you tilted your head to the side with a cheeky smirk and said, “That just means you guys have to work twice as hard to beat them at the next tournament, right?” 

The familiar burning passion rushed through his bones as he met your eyes and you slightly nodded, giving him a knowing look.

“AHHH, YOU’RE RIGHT. WHAT AM I DOING JUST MUDDLING AROUND LIKE THIS, I NEED TO GET STRONGER. THANKS (Y/N)-CHAN, YOU’RE THE BEST!” he exclaimed. 

You chuckled underneath your breath as your fellow classmates gave him a weird look. With another scream he winked at you before running towards his own class. You playfully rolled your eyes with a small smile and watched him turn around with a new determined look on his face, smiling  brightly. “I’ll see you later (Y/N)-chan!” 

----

The bell for the day ended as you stretched your arms to relieve some of the stress from constantly writing notes. Your classmates greeted you as they walked past you and you took your time to gather your things. You weren’t popular in your grade, but you were well known to be that one person who easily got along with everyone and always lent a helping hand. You sighed to yourself as you slung your bag over your shoulder and took out your phone. Usually after school time was used to hang out with friends or attend club activities, but you decided that once you got to Karasuno that you would just take time for yourself. After what had happened to you in middle school, you wanted to make up for the lost time you didn’t put towards yourself. 

You hummed in thought as your phone began to buzz in the middle of scrolling through social media. Pressing the green button, you answered the phone and leaned against the wall by your classroom door.

“(Y/N)-chan, I know you’re probably busy right now but do you think you can stop by the gym?” 

“Eh? Kiyoko-san? Did you need anything?” 

“I wanted to talk to you about something, if you don’t mind. I would come to you but the boys are about to start practice, so would mind meeting me here?” 

“ I don’t know Kiyoko-san …” 

“Please? I just need to talk to you in person about this.” 

Based on Shimizu’s tone, you knew that this was going to be important and reluctantly agreed. With a groan, you shoved your phone into your pocket and went to meet up with your older friend. As you grew closer towards the gym, the familiar knotted feeling in your throat and stomach began to settle in. You slightly tighten your grip on the handles of your bag as Shimizu caught her eye and gave her a small smile. You followed Shimizu into the gym and a sense of familiarity crashed over you. The faint scent of salonpas filled the gym and the familiar sound of shoes squeaking against the court managed to calm you down for a bit. Two shouts disrupted your concentration and before you knew it, two boys were hugging you. 

“(Y/N)-chan, you finally decided to visit us! You’re so mean to have us wait for that long. You didn’t even come see me after school on your first day here.” Nishinoya pouted. 

“Yeah (Y/N)-chan, Nishinoya is right. We never thought you’d step back into the gym but here you are.” Tanaka smiled widely as he affectionately ruffled your hair. 

“Ryu-nii you’re going to ruin my hair and I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for Kiyoko-san.” You  huffed before elbowing the both of them and made your way towards Shimizu who was standing by the bench on the side of the court.

The two boys’ eyes got teary-eyed and gave two thumbs up towards the girls and exclaimed, “That’s our Kiyoko-san!” 

“Um...Nishinoya-senpai who’s that?” Hinata asked as he and Kageyama went up to them. The four of them watched as the third years went up to greet the girls.

“Ah that’s right you haven’t properly met her yet. She’s (L/N) (F/N), my childhood friend. We grew up together since we live on the same street. I think you guys might have seen her since she’s in your grade.” Nishinoya said as he crossed his arms and gave them a proud smile. 

“Eh, she is?” Kageyama asked as he took a good look at her. He analyzed your looks and noticed that you had this welcoming aura around you. You were  laughing at something that Asahi said and casually looked towards their direction. Your eyes met his and he stiffened for a second. You smiled at him before turning your direction back to Asahi’s story about how he accidentally scared the first years with his hair down. 

“I don’t think we’ve ever crossed paths with her.” Hinata murmured as he tried to rack his brain to see if they had ever seen her in the hallways. 

“Ah maybe it’s because she’s in Class 5.” Tanaka piped in and the boys’ eyes went wide. 

“She’s in Class 5?!” they exclaimed. Kageyama’s eyes went back towards you and there was something about you that drew his attention. He wasn’t sure if it was the way that you carried yourself or if it was because you were in the college prep class.

Nishinoya and Tanaka burst out laughing, pointing their fingers at them. “She’s out of your league dudes. You guys are dumb.” 

“Well so are you two, so let’s get back to practice alright?” Daichi interrupted and put his hands on their shoulders. 

The four of them gulped as they noticed the look on Daichi’s face while Asahi and Sugawara joined to guide them back onto the court with the rest of the team laughing at their antics. 

You sighed to yourself as you watched the boys gather into a circle to start their stretching routine. It was true that it’s been a while since you stepped onto the court, much less the gym too. The court used to be a safe haven for you but now, you weren't sure how you felt being back on the floor. You weren’t going to lie yourself; it felt nice being back in a familiar setting after so long. After swearing to never be on the court again, there was a huge part of you screaming to just grab a ball and hit it. Shimizu gave you a comforting smile before tapping the empty spot next to her on the bench. 

“So what did you want to talk about, Kiyoko-san?” You asked as you sat down and turned towards her.

“After we came back from the Inter High tournament, Takeda-sensei called us into his office. He told us that we needed to start thinking about what our next step would be.” 

“Oh yeah, you guys are graduating soon…” you murmured as the both of you watched the boys began to do dives across the floor.

“As third years and being in charge of the team, we also needed to figure out what to do with the boys. And as you can see, there’s no one else to be in charge of them once I’m gone.” 

Your breathing hitched as you caught on to what Shimizu was asking you. You bit your lip and looked down at your lap. Fiddling with your hands, a sense of doubt began to wash over you. 

“Kiyoko-san, I know you mean well but I don’t know if I’m worth it.” 

“I know it’s been hard for you, but I saw the look on your face when you stepped into the gym. You still have the spark in your eye, (Y/N)-chan. And if there’s anyone I know that I can trust the club with, it would be you. You know what these boys are going through because you’ve been in their shoes before.” 

You pursed your lips as many thoughts began to race in your head and a short silence fell between you two. It’s true that volleyball was something that you loved with all your heart, but you knew you weren't ready to get back into it just yet. The familiar weighted feeling in your chest began to creep into you and in order to try to calm yourself down, you decided to distract yourself by concentrating on the boys. Your attention naturally gravitated towards the guy that you met eyes with. It was his turn to serve and your eyes widened as he had perfectly gotten the ball over to the other wide with a jump serve. 

“(Y/N)-chan, you don’t have to answer right away but at least take it into consideration.” Shimizu softly said as she gave her the form to fill out. 

You smiled at Shimizu for giving you time and grabbed the form. Looking down at it, you did feel a part of yourself wanting to fill out the form but the other part just hasn’t found the will to move forward. 

“Yeah...I’ll think about it.”

“Thanks for listening to me, (Y/N)-chan. You’re more than welcome to stay, I need to go find Takeda-sensei and discuss some things for their upcoming weekend training camp.” Shimizu smiled before patting your head and walking away. 

“Oi, (Y/N)-chan~ do you want to go home together? It’s been awhile since we’ve done that.” Nishinoya asked as the boys headed towards you for a water break after completing their warm up drills.

You looked up in thought and seeing that you had nothing better to do, you might as well make your best friend happy by staying. Plus you wouldn’t admit it out loud, but watching Nishinoya toss and hit the ball  made you feel like you were playing through him. You smiled at him and nodded. “I’ll just do homework while waiting for you then.” 

“Eh? So this is what Shimizu’s been up to. Boys we might have our future manager right in front of us!” Daichi smiled as he bent over and grabbed the form out of your hands. 

“Daichi, give that back to me!” You huffed as you stood up and Daichi immediately held the paper over his head. He laughed as he watched you jump around, trying to get the paper back. 

“Screw you guys for being so tall.” 

“Don’t you want to become our manager, (Y/N)-chan? It’d be a relief to know that the team is in good hands next year.” Asahi joined in as he slung his arm over Daichi’s shoulders and gave you a cheeky smile. They laughed as you blew some stray hairs away from your face.

“Eh? Manager?” Hinata asked as they all stared at you.

Rolling your eyes, you finally managed to snatch the form from Daichi and folded it before putting it into your pocket. You shrugged and said, “I don’t know yet.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know yet, you’d be perfect for it!” Tanaka claimed. 

“I think it would help you, (Y/N)-chan.” Nishinoya said as he gave her a pointed look. 

You scowled under Nishinoya’s gaze and Tanaka joined in on him trying to corner you. A vein popped out of the corner of your temple and Sugawara stepped in to diffuse the situation. You were just about to approach the two and give them a hard knock on the head, when you felt him tug the edge of your blazer.

“Now, let’s not forget that it’s her choice at the end of the day. Whatever your decision is Haya-chan, I’m sure these two idiots will support you either way.” 

You sighed in relief and  threw your arms around Sugawara’s waist sticking your tongue out at Tanaka and Nishinoya. 

“This is why I like you better than them, Suga.” You snickered. 

“Oh and who might this be?” 

Everyone turned around to see Coach Ukai step into the gym with Takeda-sensei and Shimizu. You and the boys bowed before Sugawara hugged you closer to him. 

“Coach Ukai, meet (L/N) (F/N), our possible new manager.” 

You sighed and slumped your shoulders. You should’ve known that Sugawara would also try to lock you in like the rest of the boys. Ukai looked at you and realized who you were right off the bat. He rubbed his chin in thought as you nodded in response. You shrugged and said, “I’m not sure yet but it’s nice to meet you.” 

“A-Ah yes, nice to meet you. Did Shimizu recruit you?” 

You nodded and Ukai smiled widely at her. “Well it’d be nice to have another person that can tame these boys so I hope you stop by frequently. Or better yet, become a part of the family here. I’m pretty sure you’ll easily fit in, hm?” 

A shiver went up her spine as Haya looked behind her to see the entire team giving her expectant smiles. Turning your attention back towards the faculty, you suspiciously looked at the coach after noticing his tone. Ukai met your gaze and he gave you a smirk. He shrugged and said, “We’ll talk later, kiddo. There’s some stuff I need to ask you.” 

Reluctantly, you agreed and started to grow annoyed with how everyone was staring at you. You sat back down on the bench and looked at Nishinoya for help. He sighed and started to push the team back onto the court.

“Alright boys, give it a break and let’s just continue with practice, alright?” 

You let out a relieved breath as the boys went for their jog and the others stepped outside to talk about the other things needed for the team. Having left to your own for a bit, you let yourself move by instinct. Your eyes landed on the stray volleyball that was by the bench and you picked it up. Walking up to the serving line, you bounced it a couple of times. Everything began to slowly disappear around you and faint cheers filled the background as your senses flashed back  to the day you played in the finals with Chidoriyama Junior High’s girl volleyball team. You were tied with your opponents and  it would’ve been the set point for your team. The ball was served and your team tried to spike the ball but it was received by your opponent. When it was your turn to spike the ball over the net once again, you had managed just barely to get the ball passed its block. Then before you knew it, you had landed wrong and pain began to shoot up your leg, right in the knee. You were on the floor curled up in a ball as everything began to slow down. and later found out she had torn her ACL. After the game came to an end and you went to the doctor for a proper check-up, it was then that you found out that you tore your ACL.

Clutching the ball in your hand, you took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself down. You were still going to therapy to strengthen your knee after getting surgery, but your return to fully playing was never going to happen in your  mind. You weren't going to lie to yourself though; having the ball in your hands once again felt nice. It made you happy as your body moved on its own. Twirling it in your palms, you felt yourself clock in on your concentration. Eyeing the other side of the court, you took a couple of steps back. Everything else was blocked from your sight as you zeroed in on the spot you wanted the ball to land. 

Without you knowing, the boys had already returned but Nishinoya and the third years stopped the rest of the team from interrupting you. They all watched as you tossed the ball up in the air before running towards it and did a jump serve. Their eyes widened as the ball easily landed on the other side and could have been considered an ace if you were playing in a real game. 

You hissed as you felt the familiar sting in your right knee and clenched your fists as you slowly walked back to the bench. 

“(Y/N)-SAN THAT WAS AMAZING!!” Hinata exclaimed. 

You gasped and turned around to see the boys looking at you with wide smiles. Hinata and Nishinoya were  already making their way towards you with bright smiles and arms spread wide to jump on you.

‘Uh oh...’  You thought as you felt them tackle you with a hug.

[fandomsilhouette]

they’ve got a bad reputation (they’ll get a standing ovation)

The spotlight clicks on, floods the stage until the shadows are sent scampering away, every flaw and every fear in sharp contrast for the audience to feast upon; but what horrors lurk where the darkness prowls, trapped at the edges of the script like handcuffs around the actor? May life mirror art at the best of times, the worst of times. 

Happy @felinettenovember, y’all! We’re back to terrible o’clock writing times with @musicfren, who is collaborating with me on this fic-turned-mechanism-through-which-to-preach-on-the-spot-Hamlet-analysis. He’ll be posting the second part on his account tomorrow, during which the bulk of my meta nonsense is going to come through. Are you following him yet? @emzurl spoiled this whole story with their art and @dumpsdoods simply spoils me with theirs. 

Part 1 below. Part 2 upcoming.

“Alright, take ten, my dudes! We’ll go from Act III, Scene 1 after you get some snacks and chill.” 

Marinette lets out an amused laugh as she thumbs through her copy of the script, ignoring the throng of hungry students pushing past her, desperate for this grueling 5 hour rehearsal to end. Brevity may be the soul of wit, but certainly not of this play. Nino makes a good director, she thinkst: loud, relentlessly positive, able to carry the sagging energy of an entire unwilling highschool production on his shoulders.

But alas, poor Nino is fighting a losing battle. Everyone knows that the point of this play is the obligatory report they will all have to write for their literature class at the end of the week. Almost no one here can act, and Marinette’s arms are beginning to grow tired from carrying up the entire play. With scarcely a week left it looks like most people are planning to coast the rest of the way to a clean C+. The part of Hamlet still has not been cast.

Akuma attacks have pushed back the discussions they were meant to have on the play, and Bustier couldn’t cancel the major assignment for the unit; instead, she had told them to analyze the play through the role of their choice after embodying it for the few weeks it took to rehearse and perform the production. Their in-class discussions have been condensed into a take-home paper on top of the already obligatory theatre performance and pretty much everyone knows that Bustier would be lenient on them just for that. And Nino knows they know, and Marinette is starting to suspect that he is itching to “chill” like he keeps telling them to. 

Marinette chews on the corner of her pencil, running a finger over the veritable bloodbath of neat pink notes she’s crammed into the margins of every page. She’s on in the next scene, and she wants to make sure she’s got all the nuances of the character, her character, exactly as she plans to bring her to life. Looking over the script, Marinette starts to regret not typing the notes to begin with: her entire essay is definitely already fully composed. Maybe Max will consider building her an application that can scan the document and transpose it to a word processor as editable text… 

“Give me your hand, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends.” 

Marinette looks up to see Felix quoting Shakespeare, trying very hard to look inconspicuous in his black stage-hand clothes, wheeling a stand of fake swords almost as tall as he was. She watches with some amusement as he struggles to set it upright, and makes absolutely no move to help him. 

“I wasn’t expecting to see you on stage any time this week,” she says, sticking her tongue out and being far cuter than it had any right to be. Felix, sweating, scrambles for a riposte. 

“I hadn’t expected you out of the home ec room at all. Shouldn’t you be half-drowned in fabric or something?” 

She sends him a quizzical look. He wonders if the akuma attacks have scrambled her memory. “Because...you’ve got costumes to work on? As the play’s costume designer?” 

“Oh, I’m not doing costumes this year, actually.” Marinette laughs awkwardly. “I’m not even sure what I would write about if I were.” 

Felix stares at her. The sword he was carrying slid out of his grasp with a dull clang.

“...what are you writing about as a stagehand?” 

Felix decides to pretend the last few moments were a fever dream and focus on answering this one very reasonable question. “I’m looking at the blocking and the prop placement and the lighting and how it impacts the effect of the character portrayal on the audience and what information manages to get conveyed to the audience.” 

Marinette offers a suitably impressed ooh at this. “How far have you gotten with it?” 

“Darling, we don’t even have a Hamlet. The titular character. I’ve done nothing.” Felix offers the most deadpan look he can muster and startles at her giggle. “What, how far have you gotten?!”

Marinette flashes her script at him, more notes than dialogue at this point. 

“You are possibly the only person in the class thinking anything even remotely deep about this play. What is all that for?!” 

“Hopefully for a handwritten notes to editable text conversion app.” 

Felix only narrowly avoids gaping. What?! “...is that what’s scrawled on every corner of that script you’re clutching?” He grins crookedly at her, and her traitorous heart skips a beat. 

“...oh! no, um, those are my notes. For… my essay? I’ve written out the character analyses into where the text supports my arguments and… um… yeah.” She flushes with the realization that 1) that was completely out of context for him because 2) he cannot, in fact, read her mind. 

“...Marinette, for what do you possibly need notes?” 

“...to play my character?” 

“Oh, wow, are you playing a guy? Impressive, tiny girl.” He rakes his gaze down her body and Marinette is flushed for a whole new reason now. She pushes to her feet and doesn’t bother to care about the swords she knocks over. 

“I’m not, actually.” 

“Why?! Who is there to play among the female characters? Marinette, I took you as someone who plays characters of worth.”

She looks up at him, eyes wide with dangerous innocence “Are female characters not valuable?” 

“I-- no, that’s not what I meant and you know it! Shakespeare is historical, and male-centric, and writes women who do little more than parrot the views of the men around them if they get any dialogue at all. There’s no substance there! Who are you possibly going to play, Gertrude? Ophelia?!?” Felix’s tone makes it very clear what he thinks of the only two options she has available to her. 

Marinette sweeps past him coolly, her hair whipping against his cheek. “I am playing Ophelia, actually.”

Stumbling, Felix turns and gives her a wry grin. “Oh darn, I’m sorry for your loss.” He makes a valiant effort at replicating her stuck out tongue, not that Marinette is looking. It’s for the best: it’s not nearly as cute on him. 

“Excuse you?” Marinette halts in her tracks, shadowed amongst the heavy curtains of stageside. Her voice echoes hauntingly around the empty theatre. 

“...c’mon. Ophelia does less than Gertrude. She even has fewer lines!”

With great restraint, Marinette manages to do nothing more than turn to face Felix, trembling with repressed rage. “Does less? Ophelia is the only person in this play who does anything at all that isn’t driven by a madman’s plot! Ophelia is the only person in this play who can pull Hamlet out of insanity, even if for little more than a moment.” 

Frustrated, Felix tosses the nearest item at her and growls when she catches it neatly. It’s a victory when she stalks off across the stage to the opposite wing, gathering her notes and settling herself neatly in a prim fury. She’s wrong, she’s wrong, she’s wrong. He whirls around and starts rearranging everything she knocked over, grumbling under his breath. 

“Ophelia is the only character in that play who makes zero choices of her own. Even her death was a result of her tripping into a lake.”

There’s a crashing sound, and Felix spins back around to see Marinette bolt upright, tempestuous in her temper. Felix may have gotten a bit too loud with that last statement.

“How can you say that? That’s the most significant choice she makes in the whole play!”

Felix can feel the irritation rising, hot and ugly in his chest. Why is she being so stubborn? Marinette makes a gesture at him, quick and angry from the other side of the room. Felix squints and tilts his head, struggling to what she was doing from across the stage. Then all at once it hits him.

“Do… do you bite your thumb at me?!” He splutters in indignant incoherency, his grip tightening on whatever he’s holding until the plastic grooves bite into his skin. 

“I do bite my thumb at thee, sir.” 

Felix steps onto stage, glaring. Marinette matches him step for step, glare for angry glare. Nino gasps, cowers, and then grabs his camera.

The class, milling around aimlessly as their ten minutes ticked to an end, comes to a collective halt. Nino sheppards them out of the way of the camera’s shot. They flock without protest to the edges of the theatre, terrified to watch this trainwreck unfold, terrified they’ll miss even a second of it. The die has been cast. Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?

Nino can only hope that the set backgrounds manage to come out of this intact.

[punkcupcakestyles]

Sober up

So, quick note: I wrote this for the pypfc that the absolute babes @oh-honey-styles​ and @for-fucks-sake-h​ put together. I hope you enjoy it. 

Part 1

If someone were to ask, there was a lot of alcohol involved. A lot. 

It was too late to pretend it was never your intention. 

It was just that your courage tasted like margaritas. 

***

Harry was an asshole, everyone knew that. He was one of those pretty assholes, with the sweet smile, which made it hard to hate him, but, oh, you tried. 

It didn’t always work, but you tried. 

It’s what matters, isn’t it?

The night when it all began, it was unseasonably warm, and you stepped out of the crowded house to take a break before you could sweat...more. It had been a good idea to wear a dress, cause the light breeze was easing out the warmth of your skin.

You felt relaxed for the first time that night. 

The porch was empty and quiet, which was just what you were looking for: A moment of silence to break the noise. You were settling in, even stepping out of your high heels to feel the cold floor under your feet, when the door suddenly swung open behind you. You turned around, startled by the loud music that was booming inside. Harry didn’t see you, or better yet, he chose to ignore you, as he walked out of the house, carefully holding the waist of a blonde girl as she stumbled on her own feet. 

Tipsy would be an understatement. 

You looked at him carefully, crossing your arms over your chest, as you watched the way he softly guided her out of the house. It was truly a sight to be seen, the girl kept giggling and trying to get out of his hold, as she kept grabbing at him, his shirt, his hair, whatever she could reach. She smiled drunkenly at him and he whispered soft words at her that you couldn’t hear. 

A mocking smile curled up the corner of your lips as your eyes followed him, seeing as Harry helped the girl climb into an Uber and waited for her to leave. 

“Awww, poor baby...are you losing your charm?” You bit as he walked towards you. He was wearing a red worn-out flannel shirt, with a white graphic tee underneath. His black jeans were sinfully tight.

“Wanna find out?” He smirked, brushing off your words as easily as they slipped out of your lips. 

“Thank you, wouldn’t want to catch something,” you said, to his amusement and your disappointment. 

“Or have any fun, that wouldn’t be like you.”

It had been like this for a while, ever since you met him, when he stole your morning coffee cup from you, shamelessly. He kept denying it, though, saying it was you who wanted to steal his much needed coffee before an early lit class. How cruel could you be?

He was a pest, a literal one. You would compare him to a moth if anyone were to ask, but in reality, he was more like some source of light where all the girls gravitated to. All the boys as well. 

Everyone but you.  

He stood next to you, leaning on the handrail as he looked at the empty street. He smelled a bit of soap and a citric perfume, and a bit of spilled vodka and lime. He flashed you a smile, an obnoxious one that let you know he was looking for a reaction from you. You held your breath, still refusing to be the first to give in. 

“Why aren’t you inside?” He asked after a few seconds of silence, and you noticed how his curls bounced a little bit as he suddenly turned to look at you with curiosity shining in his big, bright, green eyes. 

“It was hot. And I don’t know where my boyfriend is,” you mumbled.

He chuckled at this, that kind of low and dry laughter that comes with bad news. You breathed in slowly, letting the sudden dreadful feeling take over your chest. Bad news were indeed coming, you could feel it in your aching bones. 

“What?” you snapped. 

“Nothin’”

“You’re an idiot, did you know that?” You tore yourself away from the handrails, ready to get the hell out of there. Away from Harry and the intense way he always made you feel.

But Harry stopped you in your tracks, his long fingers wrapping around your wrist and pulling you closer to his chest. The sudden movement made you crash against him, and your eyes widened in surprise as he looked down at you with that stupid smile of his. 

“What?!”

“Your boyfriend’s fucking his best friend. That’s why you can’t find him.”

The words had barely registered in your brain, but you were ready to fight them. Your hand went to his chest and you pushed him away until you were free of his touch. You could feel the rage boiling in your veins, but all that fire could only be aimed at Harry, he could handle it, he deserved it. 

“Oh, that’s pathetic, Harry, lying like that!”

“Why would I do that?”

“Cause he’s a good guy, unlike you!”

“He’s not that different from the guy you think I am,” he replied, calm and softly, as if you were a wounded animal and he was afraid that you would attack him. Easy, slowly, quietly, that was the best way to approach you.  

“Of course he is!!!”

“Look, I know you cannot be a very good fuck, so I get it,” he sighed as if he regretted saying anything at all. “But he’s cheating on you with his best friend. I’ve seen them. Been meaning to tell you.”

“Margaret has a boyfriend, she’s gonna get married,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest in a victory gesture. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. 

“I never said it was a girl.”

***

It wasn’t with a girl. 

It was his best friend David. 

He was prettier than you, you would give him that.

And even though the realization didn’t come as hurtful as expected, days of torment came ahead. The most annoying thing was the fact that people looked at you as if you were stupid, worthy of pity. You hated the fact that everyone was treating you as if you were made of glass and could break apart if someone held you too hard. 

Everyone but Harry. 

He kept treating you like he usually did; like you bored him to death. His disinterested glare would follow you from time to time, as he bit the side of his cheek, which made his jawline pop even more, maybe waiting for you to fuck up. 

He was fucking obnoxious. 

***

If anything, going out that night had been a bad idea. Your head was fuzzy, maybe from all of the margaritas you’ve had. It was cheap alcohol, so you could only expect a massive headache. 

Once again, you found yourself at the porch, witnessing how Harry helped a brunette get inside a car. He kept his head low, maybe hoping you hadn’t noticed it was him. But you noticed, and you had to let him know. It was the least he deserved. 

“Do you think,” you started to ask as he walked by you on his way to the house. “they know you are a bad fuck and that’s why they’re running away? Cause, dude, something is going on...”

It caught his attention, no doubt, and Harry turned on his heels, walking menacingly towards you. He was taller than you, so when he stood in front of you, it almost felt like you should take a step back. Or maybe two. 

“Do you really think I’m a bad fuck?” He whispered and his voice made you shiver. It wasn’t fear what you were feeling, not quite. It was a new type of excitement, one that only grew as you stare into his eyes and his lips curled into a mocking smile. 

“I bet you are,” you whispered back, hoping to get a reaction out of him. You just didn’t know what you were expecting. 

“Why does it sound like you want to find out?” He cocked his head, still staring into your eyes. He was definitely amused.

“Nah, I’m good with disappointments.”

He took one step closer.

“Are you sure?”

You could feel his warm breath fanning over your skin and the electricity that was scrambling up to his skin. It almost felt like the world had stopped, leaving only and Harry to slowly burn under each other’s stare.

You gulped. Maybe you weren’t so sure after all. Not sure at all.

“What if I’m not?”

Your words were barely a whisper, fueled by your heart beating so hard that it was pressing against your neck. You had no idea where this was coming from, but you felt a sudden urgency to know what his lips tasted like. 

“I knew you liked me,” he smirked before turning around to enter the house. 

***

Every effort you had made to avoid him came to a violent end.

There you were, stuck in his car while he drove you to God knows where. 

You peered up to him, noticing how he bobbed his head to the rhythm of Fame by David Bowie. His two fingers drummed over the steering wheel, and he hummed lightly, focusing on the road ahead of him. He was wearing a green snapback backward, that crushed his curls and a black plaid shirt, that he was wearing unbuttoned halfway down his chest. 

“Don’t pout,” he said when his eyes met yours, and you quickly looked away, suddenly interested in the dust that covered the road. Where the fuck was that party?

It was supposed to be a week getaway, now that your days as a college student where officially running out. Alcohol, party, guilt-free junk food and sex...for those who had someone to fuck. 

No orgies were allowed. That would make it weird. 

The thought occurred to you and you briskly looked at Harry, narrowing your eyes as you saw him smiling. 

“Why didn’t you bring anyone?” You asked and he shrugged, still looking ahead at the road.

“Who would I bring?”

“I dunno, one of your many girls. You must have a list.”

“Didn’t have time to pick anyone up, you don’t know how to fix your bloody car.” 

His accent did things to you when it got rough. 

Not that you would ever admit it. 

“You could’ve left me there. I would’ve called an Uber.”

“Yeah, and then you would’ve told everyone I was an asshole.”

“Oh, I always say that about you. It wouldn’t make a difference,” you smirked, giggling a bit as he turned to glare at you. “And I don’t know how to fix my car cause Andrew always did that for me.”

Harry switched on his seat and his face turned somber, almost uncomfortable, which made you feel bad for some reason. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Were you...did you...fuck!”

“Am I dying of a broken heart?” you helped him. “No, I just wanted an explanation, y’know?”

“Of course you did,” he snorted, and his smile came back as he shook his head in half-surprise. “You would want an explanation so you could tell him his explanation was idiotic.” You tipped your head, looking as his smile as he slowly turned around to look at you once more. “I knew you’d be alright, I should’ve told you earlier.”

“I wouldn’t have believed you.”

“I know, that’s what lets me sleep at night,” he said softly, as his lips curled into a half-smirk. 

It felt weird, to be in a car with him without going at each other’s throats. You were natural enemies, like cats and dogs, or some guys and showers. There was no need (or way) to explain the animosity between you two. It was something you could always count on. 

You closed your eyes, sighing aimlessly as he drove around, as a subtle way to let him you were done with this conversation. And every other that could follow it. 

Talking to Harry made all of the feelings come back, made you feel warm and your skin prickled with something that could only be described as excitement. It made you feel giddy. 

You had realized that years ago. You had never even tried to understand it. 

You opened your eyes again when the car came to a full stop, and Harry parked in front of a huge white house. The air felt salty and the music coming from the house was so loud it made you wince a little bit. It took you a bit to gather your bits, and you slowly stepped out of the car as Harry got all your things from the back of it. Leaning on the car, you waited for him until he stood in front of you. 

“Ready?” You asked him, not even pretending that you were gonna help him carry shit. 

He looked at the house and peered at you again as if he was deciding whether he was ready to go in. You looked at him, as his eyes traveled from your eyes to your mouth, and that same electricity took over the air, the same anticipation that almost made you lick your lips. “What?” You mumbled as he stepped so close that he was all you could see. 

“Shhh…Before we get drunk,” was all he said before he pressed his soft mouth to yours. Your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes fluttered close, shivering as his fingertips pressed to your ticklish neck. It was a soft kiss, a slow one, as he was getting to know you, exploring every second of your reaction. His hand dropped to the curve of your waist, and he pushed you against the car, trapping you between his arms. It wasn’t like you were going anywhere. Not even the thought of fighting him had crossed your mind. Your own hands held to him, slowly grazing over his muscles as you brought them to his shoulders. 

Curiosity was burning in your tummy. It all made sense, all was right. 

He was right, kissing him while you were both drunk would’ve been a waste of a wonderful opportunity. His lips were sweet and soft, and the weight of his body pressing down to yours felt heavenly. Your body molded to his and your heart pumped almost expectantly as he tipped your head just slightly, so he could deepen the kiss. Slowly, you parted your lips for him, moaning as he pulled your bottom lip between his teeth. 

A loud crash came from the house, and you both broke the kiss, staring at it as you expected it to blow into a billion pieces. But it remained standing, a loud curse filling the air, followed by a million cheers. The party had indeed started. 

Your eyes traveled to Harry before he turned around, wondering if it had all been a dream. Deep down, you had always wondered how it would be to kiss him. It was better than you could ever imagine. 

Why did you hate him again?

***

The rules of the house were quite simple: If you were single, you were fair game. People could hit on you. Things could happen. 

You had never really thought about it, never had to. That’s what Andrew was for, to shield you from the bitter breath of drunk boys while they tried to convince you to fuck them. 

But now that Andrew was out of the picture, it almost seemed like you had a sign on your head that reads “offer to fuck me. I’m open”. So boys kept droning around you, and your veins were already buzzing from all the alcohol they had offered you. 

If only you could take your eyes off of Harry. He had decided to ignore you most of the afternoon, spending his time with his friends by the pool, smiling at girls that kept stumbling his way, as if he were a fucking magnet and they had no other choice. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking at him, even though you tried to keep your distance, staying by the kitchen and only coming out when it was strictly necessary. 

His skin was almost golden now, and his muscles glistened with droplets of water as he entered the house. His eyes fell on you, and he rolled them as he saw Baz standing next to you, smiling almost lustfully as he leaned in closer and offering you another drink that you subtly left aside. Still, Harry made his way to the kitchen, standing right behind you as he pretended to be looking for a glass. 

“So,” Bas dragged and you realized it was fucking hard to focus on him when Harry was near. “What do you say?” He asked and even though you had no idea what he was talking about, you nodded, out of politeness. His smile spread wide and you looked at him as he left, with a triumphant air on his step. 

“You’re not going up to his room, right? He’s looking for condoms, the twat,” Harry spoke as soon as you were alone and you narrowed your eyes as you looked at him. His jaw was locked and he pushed his bottom lip out, biting on the sides of it as he shook his head lightly. 

“What if I do?” You asked as coolly as you could. Your hands found the edge of the counter behind me and you leaned against it as you tried to copy his usual cool demeanor. As if the world didn’t matter. As if he already owned it. You realized now what you had agreed to. The answer was no, you weren’t going anywhere with Bas, but it wasn’t Harry’s problem. “You’re always saying I am no fun.”

“There are better ways to have fun…” One step closer was all it took for him to take your breath away. Your will quivered under his smile, as he looked down at you and his warm breath fanned over your skin. “Don’t you think?” He whispered and he was made out of trouble. You should stay away from him. 

“Someone could say you’re offering to fuck me.”

“What if I am?” He shrugged, placing the glass he was holding onto the counter right next to you. It was enough to raise goosebumps on your arms. 

He didn’t let you answer. It was probably going to be something stupid, a jab you didn’t mean, you both knew that. So you allowed his fingers to lace with yours, and you followed him as he made his way to the tiny bathroom by the kitchen. 

People could see you, you were aware of that, but they were probably too wasted to care, or What exactly were you doing, following him while your whole body burned in anticipation? Adding your name to an already long list of names?

That was not a question you had an answer for, and you didn’t care much about it. Whatever it was that you were doing, felt like the right choice. 

You would worry about the consequences later. 

His hands are on your body as soon as the door closes behind you, but this time it doesn’t catch you by surprise. You were expecting it, craving him. 

He was shirtless, so there was nothing to hold on to but his skin, so your fingers grazed over his smooth chest and pressed them to his neck as his hot mouth pressed to yours. He tasted like gin and beer and a little bit of weed. His hands settled on your bum, pulling you closer to him until you had no other choice but to wrap your leg around his hips to give yourself some balance. 

Your fingers pushed into his hair and you pulled on his curls, making him moan lightly as his fingers dug into the meaty flesh of your curves. His lips were soon leaving yours and he trailed heavy, wet kisses on your jawline, traveling down your neck at the same time his fingers snuck under the fabric of your cotton blue skirt. 

It felt natural, as natural as hating him felt. 

You sucked in air as his fingertips brushed over the hem of your panties, and his teeth grazed over the sweet spot below your ear, right where your pulse was beating wildly. 

His touch was ticklish, exciting, something new. Your hands fell on his shoulders and pressed lightly to them as he continued to make his way down your body. He kissed whatever sliver of skin he could find, pushing your shirt up so he could suck on the swell of your breasts and humming as he crouched in front of you, which made your feet fall back on the floor and caused you to stumbled a little. 

Your eyes met as he knotted the waistline of your undies in his fingers, pushing it down until they were pooling around your feet. It made your tummy bubble in excitement and your bottom lip rolled into your mouth as you saw him kiss the upper part of your thighs. 

He was taking his sweet time, pressing soft kisses to your hips and your thighs, until you moaned in exasperation, almost begging him to do something before you lost your mind. 

None of you had said a word since you entered the bathroom, and you weren’t going to be the first one to talk. It might break the spell. It might bring you back to reality, and force you to run out of there. Away from him and whatever feeling that was throbbing in your lower tummy. 

“Fuck,” the word escaped your lips before you could even think it through, as Harry bit lightly on your thigh, and his finger slid to your clit to massage it softly. 

You could feel his smirk against your skin. 

“Look at me,” he commanded, right before his tongue slid between your folds. You did, you looked at him as he licked from your center to your clit, forcing yourself not to close your eyes out of pleasure when he wrapped his lips around the pink little bud and sucked lightly on it.

It sent shivers up your body and you had to bite your bottom lip just to hold your moan down. He smirked against you, letting your clit go so he could lick the wetness that was already dripping on your center. His breath swirled on hot puffs of air against you, as he worked on you, licking and sucking like you were the most delicious dessert.

Your leg hooked around his shoulder and both of his arms wrapped around your hips, pulling you closer as he went back to suck and flick on your clit with the tip of his tongue. It wasn’t like anything you had experienced before, he wanted to taste every inch of you, his tongue lapped deliciously against your folds and your knees felt weak, maybe because your legs were shivering with every new movement of his tongue. 

You couldn’t bear it anymore and your fingers tangled on his hair to keep his head still as your hips rocked against his face. It was slow, cause you wanted to enjoy the feeling of his tongue sliding between your folds. Every now and then, he would stop you, so he could suck and kiss on your clit. 

“Fuck!!”

It doesn’t take you long to feel how your walls start to tighten and clench with every new lap of Harry’s tongue. The bubble of bliss in your tummy burst and you pulled hard on his hair as the world blurred at his edges and your tummy trembled with the euphoria of your high.  

Harry’s breath was rough as he forced his forehead to yours and you pressed your fingers to his cheek, feeling his flustered skin before you kissed him. 

“You don’t hate me so much now, do you?” He smirked against your lips. 

“It was a one time only. Don’t get excited.”

***

It wasn’t a one time only. You fucked that very night, in the darkness of his room, with his hand on your mouth so your loud moans wouldn’t alert anyone. You rode him, enjoying the way his thick cock would burn slightly every time you took him all in. He bit your chest and sucked on your tits, leaving faded marks that you had to hide for at least a week. 

You also fucked in the morning, this time in your room, before everyone woke up. Something good had to come up out of your breakup with Andrew, and you had a room all to yourself. It was lazy and slow, and you kissed sweetly, while your arms were wrapped around his neck and your legs were hooked around his hips. 

It was a week thing only, you swore to yourself. 

***

“I don’t wanna go,” he mumbled against the pillows, his eyes close stubbornly as you turned to look at him. 

4 months had gone by since that party. You were clearly not very good at keeping your promises. 

“Harry,” you whispered, even though you weren’t actually sure if you wanted him to go. “They’ll find out.”

It was the very first time he had spent the night, the whole night, in your bed. You hadn’t even had sex. You were on your period and he came to your door, looking like a capeless hero as he held a bag full of goodies: Ice-cream, chocolate, Nutella, cheese puffs, everything you swore you could never eat, but craved when you were on your days. You spent the night watching Netflix and actually chilling, which was weird enough. 

It wasn’t something you usually did, but he had a cold and wanted to be coddled. So, why not?

“Let’em.”

You still hadn’t told anyone. You weren’t sure how to bring the subject up to your friends. “Hey, remember how I always said that Harry was an asshole and probably had a small dick? Yeah, I’ve sucked him off. Great fuck,” didn’t seem like something you would say. 

Your nose bumped against his, and you pulled your hand out of the warm of your covers to press your fingers to his cheek, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before you closed your eyes again. 

There was no use in fighting him. 

He usually won. 

***

“I think you should leave through the window,” you stated later that morning, looking at a blank point on the wall. Anything to avoid looking at him. It was harder when you saw him leave. 

“Are you mad? We’re on a second floor!” He asked you, barely able to hold himself up as he was putting on his jeans. His accent was thick and almost dripping with honey. There were very few instances where his accent got rough, which was a shame, cause it made your knees weak. When he was fucking you, deep and slow and your fingers pulled on his hair or your walls clenched around his cock, that’s when his accent came out.

“There’s people downstairs, Harry,” you insisted, even though your tummy twisted in a knot at the thought of him hurting himself because of you.

“We’ll tell them we were studying.”

“They won’t believe it.”

“Then let’em believe whatever the fuck they want,” Harry said, suddenly serious as he stared at you.

“They’ll believe we’re fucking! They don’t need to know that!!”

“Are you...Are you ashamed of me??” He laughed in disbelief, and you felt your face flare up as your eyes went to focus on a loose thread on your covers. 

“You’re not the type of guy I usually date, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry I’m not a closeted gay, babe. Or a stuck-up-horse-riding club boy.”

Your eyes snapped at him, but it was too late. He was already gone. 

***

You had no right to be mad, you knew that much. 

But still, your blood was raging. 

He was sweaty, all of you were. It was one of those stupid competitions that your friend Rose would put together from time to time. ‘Let’s play volleyball, even though none of us really knows how to!” “Let’s run stupidly around campus!” “Let’s all train for a 10k!” 

You couldn’t stop looking at him, the way his tattooed chest glistened and his golden skin were taut around his muscles. He was wearing a pair of white running shorts and that stupid green snapback and his curls were poking out of it as if they were screaming for help. It was the first time you saw him, since that morning in your room, and he looked fucking good.  

As soon as the race was over, the boys had decided to get drunk, and you all followed them to someone’s house, so you could all enjoy the sunny day, without running your lungs out. You were all aware that it defeated Rose’s efforts to keep you fit, but you didn’t care much about it. 

And now, the day was giving in to the night, and you all had had too much to drink. Everyone but you. All you cared about was Harry and the way kept flirting with the blonde girl that sat next to him. 

You couldn’t blame him, she was fucking hot, sporting black shorts and a red sports bra that barely did anything to cover her poking nipples. You would’ve been flirting with her too if you could. 

She put a hand on his leg and leaned over as if to tell him a secret and you almost growled, spreading your palms over the table as you looked carefully at them. You couldn’t stop, and you wished you could say you didn’t care. But you cared, more increasingly as the days went by, and right now you felt like your heart was racing in your chest, preparing itself for the moment it had to break. 

He looked at her, with his eyes half-closed, and allowed her as she leaned over him and pressed her lips to his. She kissed him, hitching her hand closer to his bulge as he kissed her back. 

Your heart didn’t break, it just stopped, it stopped beating and you stopped breathing. You could feel it cracking in your chest, and you could do was stand there and stare at them. 

The girl giggled as she broke the kiss apart and Harry smiled lazily at her, telling her something before he got up from the couch to walk to the kitchen, holding some red plastic cup in his hands. 

He stopped dead in his steps as he saw you, and his eyes went wide as he realized what had happened. Any haziness in his face went away and he stepped towards you, placing the cup on the counter as you recoiled back, trying to look busy in the empty kitchen. 

“Babe…”

“That’s not my name,” you whispered, biting into the corner of your lips as you looked away from him. You were ready to leave. You picked up your gym bag from the floor and tossed it over your shoulder. “And s’not any of my business, Harry. Go ahead, have fun.”

“Don’t leave, please.”

“Why? Do you want me to go upstairs and watch you two fuck?”

“Don’t…don't blame this all on me. Don’t be unfair.”

“Oh, no, you’re right, Harry. I should blame myself”

“You’re the one that doesn’t want anyone to know!!” He insisted and you looked at him with rage firing in your eyes. “I was just…I shouldn’t have kissed her. I’m just...a bit drunk...”

“I don’t need to know, Harry. Let’s go back to what it was, hating each other was easier.”

“You don’t hate me,” he whispered as he grabbed your arm, stopping you before you could leave.

“I do.”

“Oh, I don’t know. If you hated me, you wouldn’t scream my name so loud when I’m fucking you.”

“Fuck off, we’re done.”

[starbornvalkyrie]

what we could be | part four

A/N: I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to update this one! This part fought me hard, to be honest. It’s a little shorter than the previous parts, but I just had to get past it to move the story along. I’ll leave you with this: things have to get worse before they get better. Enjoy!

warnings: language, smut, alcohol.

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“What did you just say?

He heard a huff on the other end. “I know you’re not that dense, Rowan,” she growled, “You know exactly what I said.”

“But… but…” he stammered. So unlike him. “But how?”

“How? Hm, well, when a man and a woman both consent to it, they get naked, then the man takes his dick and--”

Rowan snapped. “Aelin, shut the fuck up, I’m not an idiot.”

“Coulda fooled me,” she mumbled, and Rowan let out a sigh.

“You’re pregnant.”

“About nine weeks, yes.”

Rowan paused. “And it’s mine?”

Aelin barked a laugh with no humor behind it. “Unless you’re also accusing me of cheating, then yes, it’s yours.”

“I’m just trying to make sense of it all,” he retorted. Rowan’s head is spinning. It feels strange, not being able to control his emotions. He wants to suggest they start the conversation over, a little more calmly.

But of course, it’s Aelin. She’s a firecracker on a good day, and he had to assume she hadn’t had a good day in a long, long while. “What is there to make sense of? We fucked, you didn’t pull out, and now I have another life form growing in my stomach.”

He was about to correct her on the location of the baby when his brain caught onto her tone. “Hold on. Are you… mad at me?” he asked, rubbing his temples to chase away the impending headache that was forming. 

“Yes! No… agh, I don’t know! Damn hormones…” She said that last part more to herself than to him, and he was starting to soften up to her mixed feelings when she yelled, “You got me pregnant!”

“Well, it takes two to tango, Aelin!”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Gah, Aelin!” 

“Rowan!” She screamed so loudly, Rowan could have sworn he felt the sonic boom from across the ocean.

He had to remember who he was talking to, had to think about what she’s going through. As calmly as he could, though there was still a slight bite to his words, he said, “I think… I think I need some time to process this. Can I call you later?”

There was a pause so long that Rowan had to check to make sure the call hadn’t dropped. After a minute, he heard her take a deep breath, something he knew she did whenever she was trying to prevent herself from saying something stupid. Or mean. Or all of the above.

“Later… Got it. Bye, Rowan.” And she hung up. Rowan wasn’t sure how long he stood there with his phone still to his ear, but he pulled it away and stared at it, willing all the answers he wished he knew to appear from out of nowhere. When did he even stand up?

Aelin is pregnant.

Aelin is pregnant with his child.

From the sounds of it, she’s going to keep it. Gods, they hadn’t even gotten that far in the conversation.

Aelin is pregnant.

Rowan is going to be a father.

He thinks he’s going to be sick.

Deep breaths, Rowan.

Rowan waited until he was sure he wasn’t going to lose the sandwich he ate on the way home, then left to find Fenrys.

Fenrys will either know what to say or sit with him while he drowns himself in liquor. Either way, Rowan just needs his friend.

Rowan ran from his housing to Fenrys’ classroom on Mistward’s campus and got there just in time to see him flirting with one of his classmates.

“Moonbeam.”

Fenrys looked up at him and grinned. Rowan wasn't sure what his own face looked like, but he could see concern flash through Fenrys’ eyes. 

“Hey, Whitethorn, why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Fenrys clapped Rowan on the shoulder, trying to lighten his mood.

“Aelin is pregnant.” Fenrys’ smile faltered, his grip tightened ever so slightly. He looked over his shoulder to tell his classmate he’ll catch up with her later then guided Rowan towards the edge of campus where the bars are. Rowan had never felt more grateful to have a friend like Fenrys.

They made their way to the hole-in-the-wall tavern they found their first week in Wendlyn. The bar food is subpar, but they have a top notch selection of beers on tap. Rowan, however, went straight for three shots of tequila then an old-fashioned to sip. Mixing tequila and whiskey at three in the afternoon probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but Rowan didn’t feel like being smart.

Fenrys waited until Rowan ordered his second old-fashioned before speaking. “So… Aelin is pregnant.” It wasn’t a question, but Rowan nodded. “Wow. Okay, um, how do you feel about that?”

Rowan took a long sip of his drink before answering. “I don’t know man, I haven’t really given myself time to process it. She called to tell me, we fought, we hung up. And now I’m here,” he lifted his glass. Drink. “Gods, I’m also pretty sure we broke up before I left for the program here.”

“What do you mean you’re ‘pretty sure’? Are you together or not? And what on earth did you have to fight about?” Rowan drank for every question Fenrys asked, finishing the glass. His brain was finally getting muddled, his racing thoughts becoming an ugly, incoherent blur. He signaled for another drink. 

“I don't know, man. We fought before I left, and I told her we’d talk when I got back to Terrasen. Whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean.” Rowan thought drinking with Fenrys would help him, but it actually might be pissing him off instead.

Before Fenrys could pester him some more, he tossed back the old-fashioned in one go, and stood up on shaky legs to leave. “Hey, let me help you get back, dude.”

“No, thanks, you’ve helped enough.” A hurt look flickered across Fenrys’ face, and Rowan felt guilty for a moment. It wasn’t his fault Rowan was in a shit mood, but he couldn’t do anything about it in this state. He made a mental note that he hoped he’ll remember to apologize and have an alcohol-free conversation with him later.

The walk back to his housing was a blur. Rowan had to stop multiple times to settle his stomach, but luckily he made it back without ruining the pristine Wendlyn sidewalks with his vomit. He had hardly sobered by the time he found his building.

Rowan’s feet took him in the opposite direction of his room, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He didn’t care to. Next thing he knew, Remelle opened the door to his incessant knocking for the second time that day. She looked like she was about to yell at him again, so Rowan grabbed the back of her head with one hand and her waist with the other and crashed his lips to hers. She didn’t protest.

He pushed her back into her room and slammed the door behind him. He led her towards her bed, clothes flying along the way. When she laid back against her pillows and spread her legs, he didn’t hesitate to climb on top of her and enter her roughly. There was no passion in their coupling, only the urge to release, to forget.

They stayed in bed through dinner, alternating between laying there, panting, and fucking each others’ brains out. It wasn’t until Rowan slid into Remelle for the third time that night that he let himself realize what he was doing--let himself realize that even though he was in bed with Remelle, he was imagining he was with a different blonde across the sea.

He pulled out of her abruptly, much to her dismay, and gathered his clothes. Not bothering to don his shirt, he ran back to his room.

In the privacy of his own quarters, in the silence with his thoughts, Rowan allowed himself to cry.

---

After Aelin’s conversation--if she could even call it that--with Rowan yesterday morning, she thought she’d panic. But instead, she felt hollow, alone. She didn’t know what she was supposed to expect. Whatever it was, it wasn’t that.

She’d spent the rest of the day in bed, only getting up when Lysandra forced her to eat something and to take a bath where she stayed for two hours.

She’d wished that her mother was there to tell her what to do next, but then she cried thinking that her parents would never meet their grandchild. Her baby would only know about Evalin and Rhoe through stories, her memories. She’d always thought that if she did one day find herself pregnant, she’d have her mother there to guide her.

But her mother was dead, Rowan couldn’t even speak to her, and Aelin was alone.

Eventually, Lysandra got sick of Aelin’s wallowing, no matter how supportive she was trying to be. Aelin thanked the gods for keeping Lysandra with her. When they had dinner last night, Lysandra suggested she needed to go out and do something to distract herself from the pit Rowan left in her heart.

At the same exact moment, she’d received a text from Chaol asking if she was feeling better.

Lysandra took that as a sign and urged her to reach out and reschedule their coffee date.

So here she was, sitting at a table in UT’s campus coffee shop. Aelin sipped on her lemon-ginger tea--not her favorite, but it helped her stomach--as she waited for Chaol to get out of his class. She couldn’t stop checking her phone for any messages from Rowan, but there were none. Even a quick Instagram search revealed he hadn’t been active since yesterday morning. With a sigh, she silenced her phone and put it in her purse.

After a few minutes of people watching through the window, she spotted Chaol’s tall figure coming from the chemistry building. Aelin waved at him as he entered and watched as he went to order before joining her.

“Aelin! I’m so glad we could meet. You’re feeling better?” He sat down across the table from her, but the table was small and his legs were so long, his knee brushed hers. The subtle touch made her blush, and she tried to keep the color at bay.

She smiled at him. “A little. Enough to be out and about, not enough to scarf down a whole chocolate cake no matter how badly I wanted to.” He laughed and the sound made her heart flip. Damn pregnancy hormones.

“Well, when you feel like you can eat again, I’ll gladly buy one for you.” He moved to grab something from his backpack-- a stack of papers. “I know this is the last thing you’d want to think about right now, but before I forget, these are the notes and everything from the lectures you missed. You still have to make up a lab, but the professor said you have until the end of next week.”

Aelin took the papers and thanked him. She suddenly felt guilty for how sweet he was being to her without knowing the extent of the situation she’s found herself in. She likes Chaol a lot and didn’t feel that it was fair to string him along.

“Can I actually--”

“So, Aelin--” They both spoke then broke off at the same time, chuckling at their synchronicity. “You can go first,” he said.

She released a steadying breath through her nose. “Okay, there was a reason I wanted to meet with you today. I have something to tell you, but I’m not entirely sure how you’ll react.”

“It’s alright, Aelin. You can tell me anything, I won’t judge.” Too sweet. Too damn sweet, this guy.

“Okay,” she repeated. “I- I’m pregnant.”

Aelin watched Chaol as he processed the bomb she just dropped. She noticed his eyes widen ever so slightly, his mouth gaped open. After a few agonizing moments, he shook his head to clear the daze. He was about to reply when the barista called his name to pick up his order. 

With an apologetic glance, Chaol stepped away. Aelin closed her eyes, mourning whatever could have happened between the two of them. She opened them when she heard Chaol take his seat across from her once more.

“So, you’re pregnant.”

“I am.”

“And I’m assuming… Rowan is the father.” She nodded apprehensively, knowing his acquaintanceship with Rowan was tense, at best. The two men never clicked. They had only met once last semester when Aelin and Chaol had to work late for an inorganic chemistry lab, and whatever vibes they gave each other were not pleasant. Ever since, she tried to avoid the two of them ever crossing paths again, though Rowan frequently expressed his displeasure whenever she brought up their work in the lab.

“Wow. How are you really feeling then? You’ve been having morning sickness, I take it?” Aelin tried not to show how shocked she was by the genuine concern and automatic acceptance in his voice. Why couldn’t this have been Rowan’s reaction?

Nonetheless, she nodded. “It actually hit me for the first time when we originally planned our coffee date. I went straight to Lysandra’s house to take a test and had it confirmed at the doctor at the end of the week. I think I’m still processing it all, actually.” 

“That’s understandable, Aelin, this is huge. And Rowan, does he know? He’s studying abroad in Wendlyn this semester, right?”

Aelin let out a humorless laugh. “Oh yeah. He knows. Not that he cares.”

Chaol narrowed his eyes, likely figuring out how their conversation had gone, but he didn’t pry for more details. Aelin was grateful for that. Grateful for him. “Well, I’m not going anywhere, Aelin. I get it if you’re not looking to date anyone while you figure this out with Rowan, but I still want to be around you.” He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I like you a lot, I have for a while now, in all honesty, but a friendship with you is better than nothing.”

Aelin stared at their joined hands, tears welling in her eyes. “Thank you, Chaol. Your support means more than you know.”

He leaned across the table to kiss her on the cheek, and Aelin couldn’t stop her blush this time. They steered the conversation to other topics, talking endlessly about everything they could think of.

Though Aelin was sad at the thought of what could have been, she felt hope reignite in her chest.

---

Thanks for reading! If you’d like to be added to/taken off my general SJM tag list just send me an ask! i’m very good at losing them in the comments. love y’all!

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[marveloussupernerd]

Could I pretty please request Zen and MC ~platonically~ getting hammered together and just getting into shenanigans? I’m a ✨lesbian✨ and still reslly would love to have these characters as best friends, especially zen because he seems like such a ride or die. If I could have one wish it would be getting plastered with Zen and him making sure I don’t die. Thank you in advance and feel free to reject this one lol

Yes !!! Ofc I can do that :) also I have literally never rejected a request LMAO I’m here for your enjoyment. I’m rlly excited to write this bc everyone is SLEEPING on zen and also ?? The Zen friendship content in Jumin’s route? I’ll never shut up about how much I love it. Also I threw Yoosung in here too pls don’t hate me

Clubbing - Platonic! Zen

Warnings: alcohol (duh lmao)

Summary: you’ve had a rough day at work. Zen’s been meaning to show you around to some of his favorite bars. Zen’s responsible but also wouldn’t hesitate to punch a bitch if need be. Yoosung has to clean up after your messes

Oh! Also. PSA, I’m 19. So have I ever gone out and gotten drunk... no LMAO. I do drink (it’s legal where I’m at as long as you’re with your parents, still wouldn’t be able to drink in a bar though) but only enough to get buzzed usually. Anyway if this is inaccurate that’s why I am so sorry LMAO

You honestly had had the worst day today. It was a pretty bad week, truth be told, and you were so grateful it was the weekend. You texted Zen a lot throughout this week; the two of you had become close friends since the RFA party and hung out almost every weekend. Hearing all about your bad days, he suggested taking you to a bar to let off some steam and give you something to look forward to. You’d never turn down a drink.

You took an Uber to the bar, as did Zen. You expressed your desire to get plastered and Zen agreed wholeheartedly. You had never been to this bar before, but Zen swore by it, so you trusted him.

“Hey!” Zen exclaimed as he saw you get out of the car. He was leaning against the wall of the bar coolly, dressed in the leather jacket he must have pulled out of his closet from the time he was in a motorcycle gang.

“This better be worth the commute,” you teased, not letting him live down the fact that it took almost an hour to get here (primarily due to traffic honestly).

“Oh it will,” he had a giant grin on his face. “I’ve been so busy I haven’t been here in a while, but i doubt it’s changed.” He pushed himself off the wall and made his way inside alongside you. “It’s right outside of a college so you get all the fun college students here.”

“Sounds messy,” you commented, glancing at some girls in skimpy crop tops and high-waisted shorts getting drunk already.

“Much better than bars for real adults. You’ve always got some guy moping over a glass of whiskey in those. Here, it’s all singing and dancing and getting drunk. Of course, I only come when I want to get completely hammered, but it’s always fun. The kids are nice too.”

It was at this point that you reminded yourself that Zen was only 23. He seemed so much older because he’s been on his own for so long, but nope, he was 23. The same age as a lot of the grad students here. So partying with them was not weird or creepy in any sort of way. In fact, the students probably were over the moon to party with someone so famous and, if they weren’t aware of who he was, handsome.

“So what do you typically start with here?” You asked, wanting to get the full experience.

“Shots. Classic move, especially for the med school students. You’ll see them soon enough. They start off with fireball but then make their way down to the cheapest vodka they have as they get more drunk and can’t actually taste it.”

“Let’s follow their influence,” you suggested. Zen went up to the bar and ordered some shots, bringing four glasses back with him. “Do they normally do two at once?” You asked.

“Nah, they’re way too broke for that. But I thought it’d be fun.” He handed you your shot glass and clinked his against it. You gulped down the shot, feeling the familiar fire burn in your throat. (I love fireball LMAO) You shook your head vigorously to counteract the burn, as though that would help, then looked back at Zen. “Good?” He asked.

“Perfect. Round 2?”

“Already?”

You laughed. “Well, it’s here isn’t it? The faster we can get drunk the better.”

You got drunk pretty fast. Zen was constantly handing you drinks, which of course you didn’t turn down. Maybe it was because the two of you hadn’t gotten drunk in a while, but this one hit you hard.

“Will you sing karaoke with me?” Zen chuckled, his cheeks flushed from all the alcohol in his system.

You laughed out loud. “Sure. I’ll even let you pick the song.”

You did not expect him to pick “Before He Cheats” but honestly? A banger of a song. Who doesn’t know all the words to this song?? “Hey, I’m Zen, and this is my best friend,” he slurred out, introducing you before the song started.

You sang in unison, the first instrumental break coming out. “This is for my asshole ex!” You cheered. The college students cheered with you.

“And all my old managers who told me I’d never make it!” Zen added. Everyone cheered again. You walked over to him, tripping on the microphone cord. He caught you a few inches off the ground.

“That would’ve hurt like a bitch,” you commented, bursting into laughter again. He helped you up and held your hand as you crossed over the wires this time, ensuring you wouldn’t get caught again.

Was your performance good? Probably not. Even Zen, who usually sang pretty well, was some sort of hot mess since he was so drunk. But the drunk students seemed to enjoy it, so you padded off the ‘stage’, proud of yourself.

Some dude called your name. Ew. Maybe Zen shouldn’t have introduced you.

Zen whipped around to face him. “If you so much as look at her right now I swear to God I’ll knock you into- Yoosung?”

“Hi!” You turned around to see the origin of the voice; it was indeed Yoosung. “You guys are kinda drunk.”

The two of you simply laughed, brushing him off. “What are you doing here?” Zen asked.

“Oh, well I live right down the street.”

“Oh my goodness you are a college student!” You observed keenly. You were connecting so many dots.

“Yup. Uh, I had an LOLOL event tonight but was super tired, so I thought I’d come and take a shot and it’d help wake me up. Never expected to see you two belting out Carrie Underwood.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Oh! I have a great idea,” Zen exclaimed, focusing his attention on you.

“I’d love to hear it.”

“Why don’t we just crash at Yoosung’s place tonight? We won’t have to pay for an Uber at high time and get stuck in traffic!”

Yoosung’s eyes widened. “But-“

“That’s pretty smart,” you agreed, nodding. “What do you think Yoosung?”

“I-“ he sighed. “I guess it’s okay. As long as I can play LOLOL.”

“Yay!” You cheered. “We can go now. Lead the way.”

Yoosung hesitantly led you out to the street, walking ahead of the two of you, glancing back every few seconds to ensure you hadn’t died. Zen wrapped an arm around you and you one around him, and you stumbled down the street together, only slightly more stable than you would have been if it were just you on your own.

Luckily Yoosung lived on the first floor. You weren’t sure you’d be able to do steps right now. He unlocked the door to his apartment. “I only have like... a bed and a couch,” he muttered awkwardly. “But we can figure something out.”

You stepped into his apartment, looking around. “Wow Yoosung! This is cute as hell.”

“Uh, thanks, I think.”

You made your way to his couch and collapsed down on it. Zen did so on the other end of the couch at the same time, your legs bumping into each other. You both shifted so that your legs were on top of his so that it was more comfortable.

“Is that really comfortable? You can take my bed,” Yoosung offered.

“Nah, this is great. Will you get us a blankie though?” You asked. Yoosung left to go find something. Zen shrugged off his leather jacket. You were very happy you wore something comfy enough to crash in.

Yoosung draped a blanket over the two of you, his face bright red. “Is this okay?”

“Perfect! Thanks Dad,” Zen joked. Yoosung’s face got even more red, his ears heating up now too.

“Night Yoosungie. Don’t stay up all night,” you commented, shutting your eyes.

You heard something set down on the coffee table. Cups of water and Advil. He was too sweet. “I have class in the morning, so feel free to see yourself out whenever you’re up and ready tomorrow,” Yoosung said. “Goodnight you two.” He chuckled to himself. You and Zen probably looked like absolute idiots, but not that you cared. You had a great night out. Good thing Dad Yoosung was there too.

[princecharmingmendes]

Heartstrings | Chapter XIV | Shawn Mendes

“ ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them.’ - unknown”

“Shawn was a huge believer that the ‘soulmates’ situation’ was the most stupid thing on the planet, specially since it was such a rare thing to find someone with the same mark as you. He would do anything he could to prevent the so called 'destiny’ from happening, but could he?”

hi, this is the last chapter to this series and i'm so grateful to anyone who followed this story as it was in the building process, and i'm so happy with how it "came to life", so thank you so much. i have to shoutout to two people in particular or this wouldn't have turned out the way it did. first of all, i have to thank my bad boy anon for requesting this series on the first place and being so supportive, and also i have to thank @fanficshawn for helping me figuring this whole concept out. anyway, i hope you like it, and please give me some feedback.

new chapter of a Raul series coming soon

*Word Count: 4.8K+.

*Warnings: cursing, slight angst.

*Posted: June 18th, 2020.

                                                   -*-

Whenever I think things are going alright, everything seems to flip upside down. I can’t seriously follow Shawn’s mood swings, really. I know we’re in the middle of finals and his mom had a car crash, but Aaliyah called me to tell everything was fine and he simply disappeared for a whole week. I couldn’t find him anywhere on campus and I swear I tried being comprehensive, but I just can’t take it anymore, I’m done waiting for him to actually open up to me. And even though he got better last weekend, he got back to normal rather quickly. So I decided to study and ignore the hurricane that Shawn Mendes is on my life.

I took the tests and days flew by as I hoped to go home as soon as possible, I was exhausted and this whole semester was a mess, not for academic reasons, Shawn, and Tyler and then Shawn. Since when guys are the only thing causing trouble in my life?! I mean, that’s all they do, but I never put so much effort on them, so this is a bit frustrating. But when I left my class due to the fact that my tests were officially over and I was feeling so much lighter than I was before. Unfortunately, the light sensation was gone when I saw his jeep parked outside the building and his body leaning on it as he texted someone.

I felt my phone vibrating on my back pocket and I picked it up as I started walking away on the opposite direction he was standing. Pretty mature, running away from my problemas, I know, but what do you want me to do? There was a text from him saying he was waiting for me outside and that we needed to talk. I ignored it and then my phone started ringing and I had to pick it up.

“Hi?”

“Y/N, are you seriously running away from me?” Shawn’s voice echoed through the phone.

“I’m not”

“I’m literally looking at you looking over your shoulder”

“Well, I’m not the one who disappeared, am I?”

“That’s why we need to talk, I promised you I would explain everything, and that’s why I’m here, baby girl”

“Is that how you work?”

“What do you mean?”

“You simply vanish and suddenly you’re ready to talk?!” I know I sounded stupidly mad, but I had to be honest.

“I’m sorry, I can explain, I know it won’t change everything, but I’ll at least be honest” he said and I was able to hear his voice from behind me and not only from the speaker as he turned off the phone call.

I turned around, only to be met with a pair of those gorgeous honey eyes, that even though I was wanting so bad to punch him, the sight alone still made me weak on my knees.

“Why should I go with you? I think you’ve had enough chances”

“I know that, but again, I’ll ask you for one more, let me take you out, we can grab lunch and then pack, I can give you a ride home, please, Y/N, I’ll answer everything you want after lunch”

“You promise me that?”

“I do, can I take you with me?”

“Where are we going?”

“I can take you to the diner, the one from our first date”

“It was a fake date”

“Didn’t feel fake to me”

“It- You-“

“Come on, we can discuss this later, I know you’re hungry and you probably didn’t have breakfast nor dinner”

“How did you...?”

“I know you, Y/N, like the palm of my hand, now come on, burgers and fries and the guys are all waiting for us”

“Are they?”

“Yeah, it’s the end of the semester”

“Oh” Was all that left my mouth as Shawn extended his hand to me “let’s go then”

“Okay” he said as I grabbed his hand and interlaced our fingers, walking back to his car as he practically skipped his way back.

“How’s your mom by the way?”

“She’s fine, she’s at home”

“That’s awesome”

“Yeah” he answered and squeezed my hand softly “thank you”

I looked at him trying hard to hold back a smile, but it was impossible “Let’s not start this again, you were right, I’m starving!”

That was enough for Shawn to basically drag me chuckling to his car and I couldn’t hold back the laughter that bubbled from my throat. He was so excited to go grab lunch it was way too contagious, or maybe it’s because I was about to understand the whole situation and maybe be in peace with him. So the whole time we were in the car, he was basically beaming and jamming to his favorite songs as I tried not to die for laughing too hard. He parked two blocks from the diner cause it was filled with students and got out, as soon as my feet hit the ground, he was beside me, offering his arm like a true gentleman.

“Peace offering?” he tried with a grin and I just nodded giggling “I know this doesn’t mean I’m free, I don’t want to be free, I don’t want to be the reason you’re upset anymore, I just want you to enjoy today”

“Thank you, you are forgiven, for now at least, it’s a truce until you tell me everything”

“Works for me” he answered before placing a sweet kiss to my temple.

We entered the place and our table cheered as they saw us walking hand in hand and we just had to laugh. The guys hopped off the booth and left a spot for us both to sit in the corner against the wall, and Shawn didn’t resist the opportunity to pull me in. He rested his arm on the booth, just above my shoulder and I swear I had to hold back the need to just lean on his chest and relax after this stressful finals weeks. So instead of laying on him, I grabbed the menu to pick something up and Shawn poked my shoulder softly, which made me look at him and he was just smiling down at me which made me very confused at first, but then I heard Mel’s giggle from across the table and saw her holding her phone up at us.

“Come on, don’t pout at me, you two look way too cute for your own good” was all she used in her defense and I ended up just shrugging.

Everyone made their orders super quick cause apparently they’re all starving just like me, but even when the food arrived they kept on talking and cracking jokes all the time, which cause Brian to spill his soda through his nose. Somewhere between finishing my fries and milkshake, I felt Shawn’s arm falling around my shoulders casually, and since I didn’t do anything to shrug him off, he just kept it there, eventually pulling me closer, which led me to actually lean into him as the guys kept on talking.

Shawn looked down at me and placed a kiss on my forehead “Tired?”

“A bit, yeah”  

“I can take you home”

“It’s okay, I’ll miss them anyway and my bags are already packed and my dorm is basically ready for me to leave”

“Oh, you can come nap in mine if you want, while I pack my stuff and then we can talk”

“Seems pretty good to me”

“We can even stop by at your dorm first, so you can pick up your stuff” Shawn offered as he played with some strings of my hair “Ian’s going home after lunch, so if you want to crash at my place and stay in his room, so we can leave tomorrow morning to be at home for lunch, you can”

“That’d be great, Mel’s probably going there to stay with Mike as well, right?”

“Mhmm, but they’ll both leave tonight”

“What are the love birds whispering about?” Brian chimed in.

“We are no-“

“It’s not worth it” I cut Shawn off by placing my hand on his cheek softly “we were just talking about packing and how we are going home tomorrow”

“But that’s not interesting”

“What did you expect, Brian? Them to tell you how they’re going to have sex all night long? Come on, they’re not you” Mel said rolling her eyes playfully at the red-haired boy.

“What do you mean ‘they’re not me’?”

“They’re not dumb” Mike replied and we all laughed as Brian seemed a bit too pissed to find it funny.

“Ha-ha as if you and Ian were a lot better”

“Everyone knows we are, dude!”

“Y/N! Help me out!”

I smirked at him and shrugged “Ugh, I wish I could, but I’m to busy whispering about my sex life with Shawn to help you” and with that the attention was back on the guys.

“Our sex life?” Shawn teased with a boyish grin on his lips as I rolled my eyes at him giggling softly.

“Shut uuup”

“Don’t blush, baby, it’s okay, you know you can talk to me about everything you want”

“I swear I’m not going back to yours tonight” I threatened and he only chuckled, placing a kiss to my hair.

“I’m only kidding, don’t need to get all flustered about it”

“Yeah yeah, fuck you”

“What a dirty mouth” he gasped and chuckled at my frown “I’m only teasing you, come on, don’t get upset”

“Whatever” I said rolling my eyes, but I couldn’t hold back a smile when he grabbed my face and kissed my cheek.

We spent a little while there just chatting and laughing until some of them needed to leave, so we decided it would be best if we left as well, apparently I was the only one with my stuff already packed. Shawn and I got to my place only to pick up my stuff and I took the opportunity to say goodbye to Mel and wish her happy holidays. But before I could leave, she pulled me into the room one more time in a bear hug as Shawn quietly left with my bags, telling me he would wait for me on his car.

“Mel, it’s literally just a couple of weeks”

“I know, I know, call me clingy or whatever, but I’ll miss you” she said with a frown and I laughed at her.

“Stop being silly, you won’t even have time to miss me! You’ll be spending Christmas with your new boy”

“Yeah, that’s pretty nice, right?”

“Yeah, and you said, back in August on the first few weeks, that you didn’t want anything serious”

“Guess you’ll never know, you didn’t know Shawn was your soulmate back then either”

“Is he really?”

“Dude, are you dumb or you’re just playing pretend? He’s clearly in love with you for ages, Y/N, he literally worships you, he’s just learning how to show it now”

“Are you sure? Maybe he was right, there is no such thing as soulmate”

“Sweetie, soulmates are simply two pieces that fit perfectly, they don’t have to be romantically involved, they’re just the other’s half”

“Mel...”

“Oh, come on, Y/N, here, I’ll read the definition for you”

“It’s not necessary”

“Shush for a second, thank you” Mel places her hand above my lips to keep me quiet “ha! found it! ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them’”

“Aaand?”

“That’s you and Shawn, obviously”

“You’re reading way too many novels for your own good, Mel, and I’m the one who’s saying it”

“Fine, but when the both of you finally realize how special is the bond between you two, I’m going to be the one to tell you that I told you so”

“Okay” I shrugged giggling and she laughed in response.

“Now go, your man’s waiting downstairs”

“Okay, bye Mel” I said hugging her one more time.

We let each other go and she just grinned at me “Bye, bitch” So I took my backpack and phone and turned to leave, but before I could shut the door she added “Oh, you’re going to be completely alone tonight, so please do me a favor and use a condom”

I shut the door a bit harder than needed and I hear her laugh from inside the bedroom. I only shook my head, unable to contain the smile from blossoming on my lips as I walked away. Shawn was sitting patiently on the driver’s seat, looking down at his phone as I climbed up in his jeep. He locked the device as he looked up at me, starting the engine and starting to drive to his place.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Melissa, she’s just crazy”

“Took you a while to notice” he said with a chuckle and placing his hand, palm up, on the console.

“She’s just great at hiding it” I replied sarcastically as I laced our fingers.

He brought our hands to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of mine “Whatever you say”

The drive was short to his place, and I didn’t even picked up the bags, only grabbed my backpack that had all the stuff I needed for tonight and tomorrow morning and went with Shawn to his apartment. The place was filled with bags and backpacks, but apart from that, was the nicer it’s ever been during the semester. We didn’t stick longer downstairs, Shawn only grabbed two bottles of water for us and dragged me to his room, which was a complete war zone. He only took something’s off his bed and told me to get comfy to nap as he packed.

So that’s just what I did, I took off my shoes and placed my phone on the nightstand, laying down and watching as he started to go through his clothes and fold them not so nicely, and place them on his suitcase. I didn’t even noticed when I dozed off, but was really hard to keep myself awake with Shawn softly humming to some random song. I just noticed I was off, what felt like minutes later, when I felt someone calling me in a low tone and gently caressing my face waking me up. The first thing I saw was his honey eyes, then his body crouching down beside my side of the bed and then his perfectly aligned teeth in a beautiful smile.

“Hey” he mumbled softly.

“What time is it?” my voice sounded extremely groggy “how long was I out?”

“It’s almost 5:30, ordered us a pizza, hope you don’t mind” he replied standing straight “you slept for a bit more than an hour and a half”

“Oh shit” I let out as I ran a hand through my hair “I didn’t even noticed I was out til you woke me”

“You were sleeping pretty heavily, I felt bad for waking you up, but I was afraid if I let you sleep longer you wouldn’t be tired enough to sleep at night”

“No, you’re probably right, thank you” I said as I sat up, rubbing my eyes softly “Are you done with packing?”

“Yeah, I though that maybe if you wanted to talk... We could do it now”

“Oh, okay” I said crossing my legs and he sat down in front of me.

“This is not easy for me, so I’m going to ask you two things, okay?”

“Okay”

“First, I wouldn’t like things to change between us, it might take a while but I don’t want to loose you”

“You’re scaring me” I said with a nervous chuckle and he only smiled softly at me.

“I don’t intend to, I’m sorry, and the second one, I would like to say everything I have to say first, cause I don’t really know how to say this best, and I’ve practiced”

“Okay, sure” was all I could answer and I saw his cheeks getting pink.

Shawn took a deep breath and I placed my hand on his knee, and he only smiled at me as a response.

“You know I never really believed in soulmates and stuff, I just think it is a coincidence, right? And I even covered my birthmark that everyone teased me about with the swallow tattoo, to prevent myself from being stupid and looking for the same mark on others, cause for me this shit just wasn’t real. So when I found out, that you, the girl I had a massive crush on and my best friend and I shared the same birthmark, I completely lost my mind. I didn’t want to believe it was real, I didn’t even know if you thought of me that way. I was scared to death” he took a deep breath and I squeezed his knee gently.

He once again offered me a smile as he kept on going.  “I didn’t want it to be real, didn’t want you to be my soulmate, I didn’t want to lose you, I wasn’t ready to be the one to ruin this amazing friendship we built during our whole lives, so my pretty dumb boy logic brain thought at first to ignore it, act like I never saw it before, and hell, I don’t know if it’s the soulmate/mark thing, if it’s God, if it’s C.I.A or, I don’t know, some greater love force, but every day we went through was getting harder to ignore my feelings for you and the itch sensation to just grab your pretty face and kiss you.

And then, my amazing ability to deal with feelings thought it was better to push you off than keep on falling harder for you, and I know, I was the worst to you and I’m so incredibly fucking sorry for ever treating you like that. You didn’t deserve it, and you also didn’t deserve being left in the dark, and I don’t even know how you found it in yourself to forgive me, but I’m so thankful for that. I felt like shit for ever making you sad and it literally hurt in me to see you less than happy, specially cause I knew it was my fault. And then the whole fake dating thing started and it was a mess. I was constantly jealous of Tyler, cause he’s an idiot who never deserved you and cause I really wanted you to myself. But I was completely torn between telling you everything and keep on pushing you away so I wouldn’t be the one hurting you more. Crazy, I know” he said with a ironic chuckle.

“Just a little bit” I mumbled softly and he shook his head with a smile.

“But since we started spending so much time together again, I just couldn’t keep on pushing you away, I had to be selfish and have you back on my life, and to be honest, since I first found out about our soulmate situation, that’s when I finally felt happy and relieved, when I had you around me again. And I even thought you were into me as well, hell, you kissed me, twice, and then I had to go on and ruin everything cause I got jealous over nothing, again” he said running his hands through his mop of curls, tugging at the roots “and then I was sure I fucked it all up and that you’re never going to look on my face again, and then there was my mum thing, and I couldn’t go to anybody else, I just showed up at your door without even noticing it, I am just always coming back to you.

You took care of me like no one else would, and that’s when I knew I couldn’t hold back anymore, I just needed you and I kissed you, and everything fell into place. I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day after that. And I know I disappeared for a week, I just didn’t want to see you and not explain everything you deserved to know about me, so it took me a while to get my shit together, but here I am”

He looked at me like he was staring at my soul and all I could do was hum in response.

“I thought you’d need some time to process it, so if you want me to leave I can go or if you have any questions you can ask me” he added softly and after a few minutes without any responses he started to get up to leave.

“Where are you going?” my question was barely a whisper, but he listened because he looked down at me with a frown.

“I’m leaving you to absorb it”

“No, don’t, don’t run away from me now”

“I’m not” he said sitting down again and reaching for my hands, that I promptly placed on his “I’m here now, Y/N, and I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to”

“Okay, so let me see if I get this straight” I started and he nodded with those big doe eyes “you were falling for me and freaked out when you found out we were potential soulmates, and decided to ignore it and push me away afraid of ruining our friendship?”

“Yeah”

“And then you decided it wasn’t the right thing to do and started hanging out with me again and noticed that you shouldn’t have done it on the first place without telling me anything? Your best friend?”

“I fucked up pretty badly, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did” I said and he sighed, closing his eyes that were already pretty glossy from the tears that started to form “hey, look at me, now I’m talking”

“Okay” he said sounding completely broken.

“You should’ve told me in the first place and we could’ve figured this whole thing out together, so neither of us would’ve suffered, cause even though you did hurt me, you also hurt yourself, and I know it wasn’t your intention to do it to neither of us. I know you never meant to hurt me, you were just doing what was better in your head for me, but here’s the thing, I’m the one that should decided what’s best for me, Shawn, okay? The whole problem here is...”

“That I’m an idiot?” he suggested.

“No, honey, well, a bit, yeah” I said and he let out a sad chuckle “but the main problem is miscommunication, we should’ve just talked to me, and this whole mess wouldn’t have happened”

He nodded looking down at our joined hands and I let go of them, only to cup his jaw and force him to look up at me “why were you scared of losing me? Or hurting me?”

“Me?” he asked and I nodded in response “I just- you’re perfect and I’m just Shawn”

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked chuckling softly.

“Yeah, you’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, you’re good in everything you do, you’re the sweetest, kindest and most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and me? I’m just Shawn, the dumb boy, that never had a real serious relationship and that likes to party on his free time, I’m not enough for you”

“I’m not all of that, I’m flattered, really am, but I’m not that, Shawnie, and you, oh baby, you’re way more than that, yeah, you might have this bad boy with a frozen heart exterior, but in reality, you have the biggest heart and are the softest guy I’ve ever met”

“Only for you” he mumbled.

“And that’s honestly all that matters to me”

“Is it?”

“Yeah”

“Really?”

“Yes, Shawn” I said giggling softly.

“So what do we do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“With all this?”

“Well, we should communicate better”

“Okay, that’s on me”

“No, it’s on me too, if I told you I liked you way too long ago, this could’ve been avoided”

“You liked me?”

“Yeah”

“As in the past?” I only hummed in response and he nodded.

“And now I’m in love with you”

“You’re what?!”

“In love with you”

“You fell in love with me?! Out of all people?Just like I did with you?”

“Yep” I said popping the ‘p’ and he laughed.

“Well, maybe there is such thing as soulmates”

“Maybe” I giggled as he pulled into his arms, hugging me tight to his body.

“So what do we do with this?”

“We can go slow with this, just go with it and don’t hold back anymore”

We just sat there, in each other’s embrace for a while, letting the eventful evening sink in as he gripped at my shirt and I played with his soft curls. Maybe we had a rough start to whatever this is, but having him like this makes me so sure that this was all worth it, if that meant I would have him like this at the end of the day.

“This can’t be real” he mumbled after what felt like ages.

“But it is, very real” I replied sitting up straight properly on his lap and he cupped my face gently.

“Prove it” he smirked at me, great, the Shawn I knew is finally back, and I only laughed in response, leaning in closer and finally pressing my lips to his softly.

The kiss was slow and passionate, I guess we weren’t in rush, we were just exploring each other calmly after everything that happened and I couldn’t feel happier. He was still cupping my jaw and my fingers were lazily wrapped in his curls, just getting used to one another. But when I tugged at it a bit harder than before and he whimper lightly into my mouth was as if something shifted around us. The whole place seemed to lit up on fire and even though all humans need oxygen to breath, suddenly it wasn’t important to us anymore. His tongue ran on my bottom lip as I let him deepen the kiss.

He was carefully leaning in and making me lay back on his soft pillows as his tongue licked into my mouth, one of his hands running down my body, only to stop at my waist, giving it a rough squeeze, getting a soft moan in response from me. And that was all Shawn needed to encourage him to keep on going. He placed a few pecks on my lips as he trailed down to my jaw and neck with his open mouthed kisses that was literally making me roll my eyes back and tug harder on his soft locks. When he started nipping on my collar bone his phone rang.

“Oh shit” he mumbled into my neck, nuzzling his face on my neck and going back to his assault there.

“Shawn” what was supposed to come out as a normal sentence ended up a moan when he left what could only be a red mark on the column of my throat.

“Hm?” he hummed completely ignoring his phone.

“Someone’s calling you”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm” was all I could reply as he got back to my lips to kiss me all over again, living me completely dizzy, and almost making me forget about his phone.

“Let them” he mumbled before kissing me again, until I cupped his jaw and pushed him away softly making him whine in protest “I’m finally able to have you all to myself”

“And we have all night, baby, but you ordered pizza and I’m starving”

“Oh shit” he replied at the same time the doorbell rang making him groan in frustration.

“Go open the damn door, Mendes!” I said giggling and he got up to do it grumbling how mean I was, but still with a smile on his plump lips.

And I was there smiling to myself like the idiot I was, feeling my lips tingling and my whole body on fire. My phone buzzed from the nightstand and I reached to see who was texting me right now to ruin the moment, but it was only Shawn.

“Come downstairs, honey, the pizza’s here”

To Shawnie:

“I’m literally upstairs, you could’ve just called me, idiot”

From Shawnie:

“Nah-ah, don’t be rude to your boyfriend”

To Shawnie:

“Which boyfriend? I didn’t know I had one”

From Shawnie:

“Come downstairs and I’ll show you who’s you’re boyfriend”

To Shawnie:

“Nope, this bed is pretty comfy”

From Shawnie:

“Y/N, come on, baby, pretty please”

“Seriously, the pizza well get cold”

“Don’t make me go upstairs and pick you up”

“Y/N, I’m serious, if I go upstairs you’re going to be punished with tickles”

To Shawnie:

“Thought you couldn’t be rude to you girlfriend”

From Shawnie:

“Touché!”

“Now come here, baby, and I’ll make it worth it”

“Get your pretty ass downstairs”

To Shawnie:

“I’m coming”

It was all I could reply, still giggling like a teenage girl and I went downstairs, only to find him with our chat still open, writing down a reply I could never repeat out loud without turning myself into a blushing mess. But I’m not going to complain about it, I was happy, completely and utterly happy.

                                                   -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*Thank you SO much for the love, guys, means the world to me!

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it! And thank you so much! See you soon 🙃

*xoxo

-🌙

let me know if you guys would like to be on a “taglist” for this series or anything else

and i’m sorry if i forgot anyone, please send me an ask or just comment down bellow!

[lesbian-fabray]

lit through the darkness at 1:58 (you told me you loved me) - part 6

Playlist Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Hey! This is the last part of the story! It’s a little on the longer side, but there wasn’t really a good time for a chapter break. I’m really proud of this story, and I’ll be making a post that just has all the parts in one place that’s easy to navigate.

Summary: Toni and Shelby were best friends in high school, and the relationship turned romantic, but it ended poorly. Now, after years of feeling like the Shelby she sees now is not the Shelby she knows, Toni goes to talk to her.

The title comes from “Last Kiss” by Taylor Swift.

Anything italicized takes place in the past. :)

It’s around 4:30 when Toni reaches Shelby’s house for the second time that day. This time, instead of staring at the door like it will come alive and swallow her whole, like she thought it might the first time she was here, she quickly rapped her knuckles on the door. She was full of so much hope that, if she were a spectator of some sort, she may call herself foolish and naïve. But she was no spectator.

She felt like she was seventeen again and being kissed by Shelby for that first time, all full of hope for what may be and worry that it might fall apart.

On top of all of that, however, there was concern for Shelby. The girl potentially just lost everything by telling that truth.

That combination of hope and concern was quickly twisting into guilt and eating at Toni’s insides. She felt selfish and wrong for being so hopeful and for thinking about herself when Shelby was, without a doubt, hurting.

When Shelby opened the door, her eyes were red and her cheeks were wet, She looked small and broken in the dim light of the early morning.

Without thinking, Toni wrapped her arms around her, feeling the blonde shake and sob in her arms. Part of her wanted to tell her it would be okay, but she didn’t even really know what happened, so that could end up being an outright lie. Instead, she just held her and stroked her hair.

When Shelby pulls out of the hug, she just stares at Toni for a while, like she’s frozen in place.

“How about we go inside and talk? Okay, Shelby?”

- - - - - - - - -

Nothing changes.

Shelby continues to keep her distance from Toni and it doesn’t matter if it’s intentional or not anymore. Toni is constantly just filled with rage, ready to be ignited the moment someone mentions her blonde best friend. 

But she keeps pretending to Shelby’s face and hopes it will make her come back.

As time goes on, it only gets worse. Toni spends the entirety of her lunch on Valentine’s Day sobbing into Martha’s shoulder because, as much as she hates the holiday, Shelby loves it.

Even more embarrassing than that is when the school does a production of Legally Blonde, in which Shelby plays Elle, and Toni spends the whole time silently crying next to Martha and Rachel because Shelby looks so happy to be performing.

Then, Andrew moves back to town after being gone less that a year, and him and Shelby pick up where they left off. Everyone just kind of watches in bewilderment as they walk the halls like nothing happened in the time they were broken up.

It gets harder for Toni to keep up the appearance of being even remotely okay. She starts lashing out at people and getting panicky when she sees blonde hair, because there’s no way she could handle a spontaneous encounter at this point.

One day, on her way to class, she sees Andrew kiss Shelby and she feels like she can’t breathe. When she finally sits at her desk, she’s shaking and hyperventilating slightly. She’s angry to the point of feeling guilty. She knows she should be happy for her friend, but she can’t be, no matter how hard she tries.

Shelby catches her crying a few times, but doesn’t say anything about it. She just watches with a look of concern in her eyes. That’s what hurts Toni the most, if she’s honest. The fact that Shelby can’t ever bring herself to say something.

She’s spiraling, and she knows that Shelby knows.

- - - - - - - - - 

“Did you want to talk about it, or did you just want comfort?” Toni sets a mug of hot chocolate down in front of Shelby and gently sits down next to her.

Shelby exhales shakily. “I’m... I’m okay with talking about it.”

Toni nods and a brief silence falls between them. “What even happened, Shelby?”

The blonde sniffles and runs a hand through her hair. 

“After you left, I was kind of panicking. I was thinking about everything you said and about my whole life. Like, how everything is empty and conditional and meaningless. So, I just kinda paced and panicked until Andrew got homes, and, uh... when he got home... I broke up with him. I told him the truth, because, even though he was never honest about all those girls he was with,” Toni mutters something about him being a motherfucker and how she never liked him, “he deserved the truth from me, considering we were engaged and all. I told him a l- that I’m gay and he gathered some of his things and left.” She laughs bitterly before continuing. “And I guess he called my parents, because they, uh, showed up, and that went basically exactly how I expected.”

Toni wraps her arms around the now crying girl and, once again, just holds her. “I’m so sorry. Shelby.” Shelby sniffles and pulls her head up from Toni’s chest. “It’s okay. I mean, it isn’t right now, and it probably won’t be for a while, but it will be eventually. And I’m going to get to start actually being me, and I figure that what really matters, y’know?”

Toni just gives her a small smile and a kiss on the forehead.

“I’m so proud of you, Shelbs. You should probably head to bed. You’ve had a long night. I’m going to stay down here on the couch. We can talk more when you wake up.”

- - - - - - - - -

It’s late on a Saturday night when Nora mentions that Shelby is moving away for college.

She drops the information casually while her and Toni are in Fatin’s backyard, at a party neither of them really wanted to attend.

“So what are you going to do when Shelby’s gone next year?”

Toni furrows her eyebrows. She has no clue what Nora’s talking about. And Shelby’s basically gone anyway.

“What?”

Nora tilts her head to the side and looks at Toni curiously. “Next year, when Shelby goes back to Texas for school? What are you going to do?”

Toni feels her heart drop to her stomach. Yeah, it already feels like Shelby’s gone, but she’s physically here, and if she’s physically here, Toni can see her. Even though it makes her feel like she’s being torn into pieces, seeing the blonde is the thing that makes her get out of bed most days. It’s becoming borderline obsessive on Toni’s part, if she’s being honest. She knows it’s not healthy, but she can’t ever think of anything else. It’s like her brain had been submerged in Shelby. Like the blonde had covered every surface and filled every hole and seeped into the very tissue her brain’s made of.

“Shelby’s moving?”

Nora’s eyes go wide. “Yeah. I thought you knew. I figured she would have told you.”

She can feel herself beginning to panic.

“Yeah, you’d think. I have to go, Nora.”

As she gets up and begins frantically making her way through Fatin’s packed house, in search of Shelby, she feels like she’s locked in a tiny room that’s slowly closing in on her.

No matter where she looks, there’s no sign of the blonde. She stumbles into Fatin and quickly stops the taller girl.

“Fatin, where’s Shelby? I need tp talk to her.” Fatin looks at her quizzically. “Dude, she left like twenty minutes ago.” Toni just nods and heads for the door.

It’s about half an hour later when she finds herself in the Goodkind backyard, throwing rocks at Shelby’s window like some jackass in a romcom.

The window opens and the blonde pops her head out. “Toni? What in the world are you doing? It’s two in the morning!”

Toni’s hands are shaking and her eyes are frantic. “Please let me in, I need to talk to you right now.”

Shelby sighs and closes her window, coming downstairs to let Toni in. 

When they get into Shelby’s room and close the door, Toni cuts to the chase. “You’re moving?” Shelby sighs and fixes her eyes to the ground. “Yes.”

Toni grabs her hands. “Why didn’t you tell me? I had to find out through Nora.” She’s trying to keep her voice calm, but she’s worried it isn’t going to plan. Shelby finally looks into her eyes. “I knew it was going to upset you, so I wanted to leave it for as long as possible. I didn’t want to upset you.” Toni balls her hands up into fists. “So you were just going to wait until you were about to leave to tell me.” Shelby’s eyes return to the ground. “I guess, yeah.”

Toni moves away from Shelby, feeling tears in her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Shelbs.”

“Look, I’m sorry Toni. I was trying not to hurt you again, but that clearly didn’t work.”

Toni sighs. “I get it, it’s just... I’m not ready to fully lose you. I’m not ready to lose you more than I already have. I don’t think I could handle it, Shelb-”

She’s cut off by Shelby crashing her lips into hers. When the blonde pulls away, she makes direct eye contact with Toni. “You will never lose me. I promise.”

It’s the night before Shelby leaves that they see each other in person for the last time for years.

After weeks of Toni crying quietly anytime she thought of her, Shelby comes over to say goodbye.

She hugs Toni tight against her chest. “I will never not love you. I can promise you that. I know I haven’t always kept my promises, but this one? I absolutely will.”

When she pulls out of the hug, Toni just stares at her with wide eyes, asking a silent question. Asking if Shelby means it like Toni hopes she does.

Shelby understands and just gives her a nod. Toni stares back at her, frozen.

The blonde steps back. “Well, this is ‘see you later,’ I suppose.” She turns to walk away and Toni grabs her arm.

“I love you too.”

Shelby smiles fondly and genuinely. “I know.”

She walks back to her car and drives away.

- - - - - - - - -

When Toni wakes up, Shelby is cooking in the kitchen. The blonde turns around and smiles. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Toni smiles back just as big.

They eat breakfast, just making small talk, but it’s not forced like it was the day before.

Shelby sets down her fork. “We should probably talk about yesterday.” Toni nods. “Yeah, we probably should. How are you feeling about everything?”

The Texan sighs. “Not great. I feel... alone, if I’m honest. I kinda am alone now, I guess. But the fact that I don’t have tp keep pretending and lying and working so damn hard is freeing in a way.”

Toni nods. “I can understand that. I’ve never been through it personally, but, like, that makes sense to me.” 

It feels like it’s not enough, but it seems to put Shelby at ease a little.

She grabs the brunette’s hand. “Thank you for being here, Toni. I know it can’t be easy, considering, y’know, everything.”

“We’ve had our ups and downs for sure. And it’s kinda been years of downs. But there’s no world where I wouldn’t be here for you, Shelbs.”

Shelby smiles a big genuine smile. “I don’t know that I’m ready to jump into anything right now, because everything’s new to me, but I need you to know that I love you, and that, as soon as I’m ready, I’m yours. If you want me.”

Toni smiles back even bigger. “I will always want you, Shelby. I always have.”

[vityuuwrites]

last bud not least

it’s finally time!! the zine has been sold out, the money donated to ao3 so we got permission by @mlwriterzine to publish our finished piece! thank you to everyone who worked on the zine - the mods, writers and artists - and thank you to everyone who bought our zine, we’re so honoured!! this couldn’t be possible without all of you <333

i hope you guys enjoy this story and don’t forget to check out everyone else’s work, as well!!

-

When Adrien opens his eyes, he thinks he sees Ladybug there in the silhouette of the inky blue sky and the streetlights blinking back at him like a low-hung moon. He sighs when he blinks a few more times and she’s gone, a whisper in the night that never existed.                      

Hair falling back against his pillow, he closes his eyes and throws his arm over his face. Plagg’s soft snores tickle his ears. “Another dream,” he murmurs and cracks open an eye. The ceiling stares back down at him. He can’t tear his eyes off the long, shadowy crack he’s mapped during sleepless nights so many times he can draw it by memory. It reminds him of the route Ladybug and he took all those weeks ago, when she graced him with the snake miraculous and his dreams have never been the same ever since. Duck behind the trash can, run a straight line from there to the other side of the square and then zap — she was gone like the promise she had whispered to him, assuring him that she’s never going anywhere.

Adrien groans and squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t stop thinking about that day—about her kind smile as she entrusted the miraculous to him, her eyes shining with trust and promise and sincerity that were all for nothing in the end. That Adrien himself betrayed when he failed to right the wrongs in the end. He’s not a planner, never was. That’s why he works so well as Chat Noir. But not Aspik, never again. Never.

The one time that stayed with him the most—besides the very last one that made him give up completely—was her shy smile when he gave her the rose that flushed like her cheeks, silky smooth and perfect, the warm way she looked at him as she took it and softly thanked him. The way she disappeared just seconds after as if the warmth in her expression was merely a fragment of his imagination.

Adrien rolls over onto his stomach. He wants to make her look at him like that again, but she never does, never in those thousand times he’s tried as Chat Noir.

He wants to try it again, no miraculous and responsibilities burning between them this time, hanging over them like the crescent moon lit on fire. Wants to see her smile at him again, as if she truly sees him. Most importantly, he wants her to know how much she means to him. Wants her to remember it.

He closes his eyes and curls up around his pillow. An idea swirls in his head and restlessly stays there, stroking its claws against his mind and pushing them in, refusing to budge.

He just needs to figure out how to do it without raising suspicion.

His lips curl in a smile as he drifts off again, with Plagg pressed up against his hair and the moon outside returning his smile.  

***

“You want to give Ladybug a rose?” Nino says, bewildered as he stares at Adrien, who’s turning all shades of pink at once. “But why, dude?”

Adrien shushes him as he looks around to make sure no one’s heard. He then glances at Nino and slumps in his chair, his history homework forgotten. “It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?”

“No, just … odd.” Nino wrinkles his nose as he turns to give Adrien his full attention. “I didn’t know you knew her.”

“I don’t!” Adrien quickly says and shakes his head wildly. He knows Plagg is sniggering somewhere in his bag while nibbling on the cheese he’s left him after lunch. “Just … I feel like she deserves one, y’know? She’s done so much for us already; it’s the least that she deserves.”

There’s a crash somewhere in the distance, like a fair amount of books falling to the ground, but he pays it no mind. He wrings his hands together. “Plus, she’s just...” he continues and smiles down at his lap. “She’s just so amazing, you know? I feel like she deserves to know that.”

When Adrien looks up, Nino is looking at him with an expression Adrien can’t read—eyebrows raised and eyes wide, lips parted as he refuses to blink for even a second.

Adrien squirms and looks back down at his lap. “Yeah, I knew it was stupid.”

Nino blinks and shakes his head. “Dude, are you in love with Ladybug?” he blurts out, voice carrying over the quiet space. He shifts his chair closer.

Adrien feels his face warm and he quickly shakes his head as he looks up at Nino, who’s still giving him the same look.

“Of course not,” he denies, his voice shaking as his heart speeds up. He curses them both. “How can I be in love with her? I don’t even know her!”

There’s another, louder sound somewhere behind him, but it barely registers over the sound of his heart pounding loudly in his ears. He glances over his shoulder for just long enough to see a flash of black and pink before it’s gone and he’s not completely sure that wasn’t a fragment of his own imagination.

Nino is shaking his head when he looks back. “Dude, you so are, don’t deny it,” he says and barks out a laugh. “Shit, how did I never see this before?”

Adrien just flushes a deeper hue of red before slumping his shoulders. “Please don’t tell anyone,” he murmurs as something heavy rolls off his chest. Maybe this isn’t the smartest idea but—but it feels amazing to say it out loud. Adrien could weep.

Nino shakes his head again. “Your secret’s safe with me, promise,” he tells him and mimics locking his lips.

Adrien weakly smiles back.

“Okay, back to the rose you want to give her—” “              

They never end up doing their history homework, but it’s the lightest Adrien has ever felt upon returning home regardless.

***

Adrien has kept a single red rose in his backpack ever since he’s decided to give it to her. Unfortunately, he hasn’t had a chance encounter with her in that time—or even any encounter for that matter. With the spring air tickling his cheeks until they turn pink, it’s been surprisingly peaceful, no akumas for them to fight.

And he’s happy about it; he really is—but the rose in his backpack is wilting in a flurry of dark tears that weigh down on his backpack as if it’s the single most heavy thing he’s ever owned.

It doesn’t help that Nino elbows him every day he comes to class and makes Adrien sink further in his chair while holding back a smile.

I have the best friend in the whole world, he thinks one day as he elbows him back. They sink into a discussion about their latest homework as if they don’t share a secret between them. And then he feels Marinette’s stare, his head turning to give her a smile and a wave.

Marinette turns beet red then, shyly waving and smiling back before turning back to Alya. Occasionally he still feels her eyes on him, but he’s so used to it from everyone he tunes it out.

And then, on that very same day, Ladybug lands in front of him when he’s leaving school.                        

Adrien stumbles back when he sees her. She’s pink-cheeked and beautiful with the pinking sky as her backdrop. His heart stutters in his chest. She’s wringing her hands together until one of them reaches up to tug on her pigtail and she meets his eyes with a confident gaze of her own. Adrien just continues staring.

“Ladybug?” he says, voice shaking. “What are you doing here?”

Ladybug ducks her head. “I’m on patrol,” she says.

Adrien knows it’s a lie—she and Chat Noir patrol together every Tuesday and Friday—but he also knows he can’t call her out on it, so he stays quiet.

“And I saw you so I wanted to come say hi.” She pauses. “Hi.”

Adrien grips at the straps of his backpack. His driver is watching them, wary and impatient, and he knows he doesn’t have much time. His cheeks burn as he coughs into his hand.

“Hi,” he says and smiles at her. “It’s nice to see you. I, uhh …” He pauses, feeling his cheeks burn hotter as he shrugs off his backpack while Ladybug watches with interest, taking a few steps closer to him. He opens it and starts looking through it, feeling slightly sick, his hands shaking with nerves. When his fingers wrap around a smooth stem, he hesitates for a second then pulls it out to offer it to her.

Her eyes are impossibly blue and wide as she looks at him. It makes the whole week of agonizing worth it.

Adrien smiles at her, but it’s shaky and slight. “I just—I wanted to thank you for how hard you work and express my gratitude somehow, even if it’s something as small as this.” He hesitates when she doesn’t reach out to take it. “If this is weird or inappropriate I’m so—”

Ladybug quickly shakes her head and takes it from him—their fingers brush, even if it’s through the material of her suit, and her hand leaves tingles where it touches his. He licks his lips and feels his chest go light with relief.

“I love it,” she says and holds it close to her. “I—thank you. It’s beautiful.”

Adrien gives a shaky sigh as he smiles down at her hands. “I’ve wanted to give it to you for a while now,” he admits and gestures at the petals which have begun to wilt. “But I never saw you, so sorry it’s a bit wilted.”  

Ladybug quickly shakes her head. “It’s perfect,” she assures him and steps closer to him. Adrien gulps when she stands right in front of him, smiling up at him with rosy cheeks and soft eyes.

Then his heart stutters when her lips press an even softer kiss against the warm skin of his cheeks. “Thank you,” she whispers in his ear and pulls away to smile at him. Then, as suddenly as she’s appeared, she’s gone.

Adrien stands there, still as a statue until his driver coughs loudly and brings him back to reality.

***

Ladybug’s next visit is unexpected—on a moonlit Wednesday night. Just the day before, he’s seen her cheerful smile and spring in her step on patrol, when she teased him more than usual and seemed to glow so much brighter, if that’s even possible. He didn’t expect to see her as a civilian again, at least not until she’s saving him and there is fire and adrenaline pumping through him like a drug as he’s attempting to get away and come help her.

Alas, Ladybug is full of surprises.

Adrien is humming to himself as he towels his hair, walking across the room in his Ladybug pajamas to join the snoring Plagg, who’s curled up soundly on his pillow. His chest warms as he watches Plagg grumble to himself. Fingers reaching out, he almost brushes his fingertips against his ears.

His heart lurches out of his chest when he hears the knock against his window .

It’s a soft sound, whispering through the night, but in the eerie stillness of his room, he hears it. It echoes through the wide space like a yell, and he quickly turns around, throwing the wet towel over Plagg to hide him. Ladybug’s silhouette sketches itself out outside his window with the slumbering street as her backdrop, streetlights playing in her hair and, a bit dazed, he notices the jittery way she’s holding herself.

Adrien tries in vain to tame his hair, tucking a dripping wet lock behind his ear before he stumbles over to open the window for her.

The cold air assaults him when she’s finally in arm’s reach. It makes him shiver.

“Ladybug?” he says, eyes wide as he hugs his arm close to himself. “What are you”—a gulp — “what are you doing here?”

Ladybug is hiding her hands behind her back, a shadow of a smile on her face. “Sorry, I know it’s late.” She presses her lips together. “May I come in?”

Adrien quickly nods and takes a few steps back to let her come in, closing the window behind her with a soft sound. He tries to smooth down his hair, tugging his pajamas close to himself almost self-consciously. He never thought she’d ever see him in them.

Ladybug turns to him, her hands still hiding behind her back. She looks him up and down, and even though he’s a model and he’s used to people scrutinizing him, he wants to curl in on himself as if he never wants to be seen. A wide smirk sketches over her face when their eyes meet again. But, if he squints in the pale yellow light of his room, he thinks he sees her cheeks turn slightly pinker.

“Nice pajamas,” she teases and raises her eyebrows.

Adrien makes a weak, dying sound.

“Thanks,” he mumbles and tugs on the hem of his shirt. “Nino bought them for me as a joke gift. I have a Chat Noir pair around here somewhere, too.”

“Why don’t you sleep in that one?” she asks, but the corners of her mouth are lifting as if she’s trying not to laugh. It makes his shoulders sag in relief, his own lips starting to do the same.

“Black and green makes me look too dashing.” He pauses and grows flustered again, rubbing the back of his neck. “Not that I’m self-absorbed, I just —! ”

Ladybug smothers a giggle in her hand, shaking her head in amusement, and Adrien could weep. For a second he was worried that he had come across as narcissistic and ruined whatever this was. Whatever she was there for.

Whatever reason she has for coming to visit him, Adrien has no way of seeing it, and it itches at the back of his mind. It burns down to his fingertips, making him want to reach out and touch her, ask her what’s on her mind, but his lips can barely move enough to form a weak sound.

“I know you’re not,” she assures and smiles at him, letting her hand drop to her side. Oddly enough, her other hand stays hidden behind her back, and Adrien eyes it, eyebrows drawn. “I like that about you.”

His heart stutters but he tries not to get it to his head. Not to let his hopes up. Instead he just smiles at her, rubbing the back of his neck again.

“Thank you,” he says. “Not that I mind but … what are you doing here?” he asks after a moment’s pause.  

Her eyes widen and this time, he’s sure he sees her cheeks flush warm. She offers him a sheepish smile and—and pulls out a rose from behind her back.

A perfect, beautiful, stunning red rose with full petals. Thornless, the stem is cut at a perfect angle and flushed red where it meets the petals.

His heart balloons in his chest, his heartbeat echoing in his ears, and he can’t take his eyes off her even though he can feel his face getting redder by the second. Ladybug plays with one of her pigtails and all he can do is make a soft, choked sound for the second time that night.

“I—” She coughs and averts her eyes. Her fingers are slightly shaking. “I wanted to return the favour. I really liked your rose. And, ummm. It was a sweet gesture. Which I wanted to return. Because it was sweet.”

“Sweet,” he says, voice shaking. He looks down at the rose—so perfect and soft—and then back at her, at her big eyes that stormed, at the freckles standing out under the soft flush of her cheeks. He slowly takes her rose with shaking fingers, giving her hand a squeeze before he plucks it out of her grasp. She gasps and pulls back her hand as if burned.

Adrien smiles softly down at the rose he’s clutching yet holding so tenderly in his grasp. “Thank you, you really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” Ladybug answers and suddenly stands straighter. “I really wanted to.”

Adrien looks at her —really looks at her—and understands what she can’t say.

I love you. Thank you.

He hugs the rose close to himself and lets himself soak in her moonlit gaze for a while longer.

“It’s getting late,” she says softly when the silence that hangs between them dips too heavy, her fingers playing together. Her lips curl in a petal-light smile.

Adrien wants to reach out and touch her. Wants to ask her to stay.

But the cold, dark streets of Paris call for her and he can’t selfishly demand like so. So he only nods and thumbs at the smooth stem in his hand, trying not to collapse in her arms as she raises her yo-yo.

“Good night,” he says, as soft as her, as the smile she shoots him before she disappears into the dead of the night like a whisper of a fantasy that was never there.

Adrien puts the rose in a glass vase and can’t fall asleep for the rest of the night.

[captainkappa]

Fanfic :: Icebreakers

Me? Publishing writing? It’s more likely than you think.

But yeah, holy crap, I finished something! That hasn’t happened in a long time, so please enjoy this zukka modern au fic where they’re both attending college now!

While taking online classes, Sokka and Zuko are paired up for icebreakers.

Preslash Sokka/Zuko, college AU

AO3 link

-=-=-=-

Sitting down in front of his laptop, wearing the sweatpants and tank top he slept in, this was not how Sokka expected to start his third year of college.

Well, he didn’t expect be forced online for the spring semester of his sophomore year as well, so technically that was a bigger surprise. At least this time, he was better prepared and built his schedule with distance learning in mind; a film course for his last elective, two engineering courses that weren’t reliant on lab, and two math courses. He tried not to think about all the labs he would have to take in the next year and a half, but for now, it was worth it to have a manageable schedule during a pandemic. For now, he was content to live off campus with Aang. He could’ve stayed home with his dad and Katara, but because Aang didn’t have any family to speak of, the executive decision was made for Sokka to keep his lease on the apartment with Aang and video call with his family at least once a week to make up for it.

It wasn’t that bad. They got one of the few places near campus that allowed dogs, so Aang’s shepherd dog, Appa, made the whole situation less dreary. Plus, his elective was right after his thermodynamics course, which gave his more of a reason to get up for the 9 o’clock engineering course.

So, here he was, not listening to the professor go on about “unprecedented times” and “academic honesty,” the same things he’d heard in his earlier class. Glancing at his own camera, he saw Aang not so sneakily open his door. He quickly muted and took out one of his earbuds.

"I'm ordering groceries,” Aang said quietly, “need anything else?"

"No, just whatever I put on the list."

"Got it!"

Aang closed the door and Sooka turned back to the computer, unmuting himself. The professor was about to move on to syllabus, when Sokka noticed a white blur out of the corner of his eye. He barely had time to think about the fact that Aang hadn’t fully closed the door, when he was knocked out of his chair with a crash.

"No, Appa, no! Down boy!" He said, fruitlessly trying to get Appa down off him. Appa paid no attention, continuously licking at him.

From the one earbud still in his ear, he registered his classmates laughing and the professor asking, "Are you alright?"

Appa was still not letting up so he just threw up a thumbs up in what he hoped was in frame of the webcam. "Yeah, sorry about that. My roommate’s dog hasn't seen me since March. Let me just-" with a flourish, he muted himself.

“Now Appa,” he said, gently holding the dog’s face in his hands, “if this incident haunts me all semester, I’m only getting you kitty treats for a month.”

Appa’s tongue lolled out of his mouth, completely oblivious.

“Alright now, up! Up!”

That seemed to do the trick, or it was the whistle from Aang in the other room. Either way, Appa graciously got off Sokka, trotting out the bedroom door much more slowly than he’d entered.

Sokka righted his chair and settled down and saw that even though the professor had moved on, everyone was still giggling at him. He took it in stride, taking a bit of a stretch.

The professor soldiered on, explaining how she found PDFs of all articles needed for the course (sweet), how she got them all copies of the movies on her website, and the schedule for the semester.

"Ok, now that the housekeeping is over, I'll put you all into breakout rooms for ice breakers. You’ll be in a room with one or two other students. Tell each other your name, major, why you're taking the class, and a fun fact about yourself. You'll introduce each other to the rest of the class in 5 minutes."

Sokka sighed, having hoped that at least one professor would forgo icebreakers considering the online format for the class. No dice. He clicked on the breakout room pop-up and anxiously waited for the other person to join the group, looking at his camera in the meantime. It was only then did he realize he’d been sitting in class for half an hour with his ponytail all askew. He tugged out the ponytail holder, shaking his hair out and pulling it back up so the sides he’d shaven himself were on display.

He looked up and a second person had silently joined the breakout room. Sokka immediately recognized him as one of the students who initially caught his eye. He wasn't conventionally attractive, with the massive scar covering the left side of his face, but he was certainly striking, with his floppy black hair and short-sleeve button-up shirt. It must’ve been a trick of the light in his room, but it looked like he was blushing.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

“I-It’s okay,” the other guy said, seeming a little bit distracted.

Sokka could guess he wasn’t a fan of being online, so he continued, "Ok, then I'll start. I'm Sokka, junior mechanical engineering major. This is the last elective I need, but really it was the only one available that wasn't too advanced. My fun fact is I invented submarines."

That seemed to snap the other guy out of his reverie. "I... what?"

"Well I thought I did. I had these whole schematics for underwater cars with telescopes sticking out from the top to look for ships, but then my uncle Bato brought me a book about submarines for Christmas and I cried for two days."

The other guy was silent.

Sokka grinned, "I was 4."

"Oh! I thought you were just weird." He said, before clapping a hand over his mouth. "No wait! I mean-"

"Nah, don't sweat it dude, that's why I tell that story the way I do, for the punchline! Don’t worry about it.

“Oh, okay.”

“Your turn!"

"Uh, well my name is Zuko Sozin, I'm a senior English major with creative writing and theater minors. I’m also taking this for an elective and my fun fact is… I hate fun facts"

He snorted, "Fair, but come on, you gotta give me more than that."

"Um... I’ve trained with swords?”

Sokka gasped. “Do you have them with you?”

“Yes?”

“Show me!”

Zuko’s camera shuddered as he moved his laptop to point at to another wall of the room to show two swords with curved blades leaning against the wall.

“That’s so cool!”

“Thanks, they’re dao swords.”

And then Sokka leaned back and watched Zuko go into the history of dao swords, how they were traditionally used, and how long he’d been learning them. It was like any awkwardness had left Zuko’s body and was replaced with this confidence as he went on about this topic that he clearly loved. It was endearing. As someone who frequently would break out into an enthusiastic TedTalk about what he was doing in his engineering classes, Sokka loved hearing about other people’s passions.

Then, as Zuko was explaining how dual-wielding was much harder than using a single sword, the pop up informing them they would be put back in the main Zoom call in a minute appeared.

“Oh, wow,” Sokka said, “time sure does fly, huh?”

Zuko blinked, “What-? Oh, sorry, I totally took up all of the time.”

“It’s fine! It was really interesting!”

A small smile appeared on Zuko’s face, “Really?”

“Yeah, I only recently started training with a sword.”

That spar returned to Zuko’s eyes, “Oh really? What-”

But then the video cut out and was replaced with a loading screen. Sokka cursed under his breath as he was put back into the larger Zoom call with all the other students in it.

The professor’s video lit up, “Okay, settle down everyone. Now, which group wants to go first?”

While the first group went, Sokka made the split-second decision to start typing in the chat. After double and then triple checking that he was only messaging Zuko, he hit enter.

hey, i know this is kind of forward, but I can talk more about my sword training after class, if you want? here’s my number xxx-xxx-xxxx

Sokka tried to focus on the icebreakers after, but his eyes kept straying to the chat. He and Zuko got through their ice breakers just fine, and Sokka’s fun fact got equal amounts of confused faces and laughs, which was his intention.

And then he was caught up in taking notes on the professor’s explanation of the homework for the next class and then the Zoom call was over. It was only afterwards, as he was replacing the piece of tape over the camera, did he realize he never got a response from Zuko.

He tried to tamp down his disappointment. He had come off pretty strong, he shouldn’t take it personally.

He had a couple of hours until his next class, so he pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. He learned the hard way last semester to keep it on silent, and so he scrolled through Aang’s frantic apology texts over letting Appa get in the room, Hakoda wishing him luck for the semester, and Suki confirming their movie night after her afternoon class. He surprised that in between those texts, there was an unknown number from a couple of minutes ago.

Hey, Zuko here.

Sokka felt his heart stutter and a grin spread across his face as he typed out his reply.

hey! my last class of the day ends at 2, if you want to talk then?

He barely made it into the kitchen before he got a reply.

Sounds good.

Sokka couldn’t get rid of his grin as he typed out Zuko’s name into his contact.

Maybe there were some upsides to online classes.

[mainly-kpop]

Jealous much?

hello! I’m sorry its literally taken me so fucking long to do this, but its here now and i hope hope hope it was worth the wait. 

Pairing: Jungkook/reader 

warnings: none to note 

wordcount: 3.4k 

You wouldn’t class yourself as competitive, not openly. Regardless, you had to be somewhat competitive in your line of work. Not with colleagues, no, it’s not like you were trying to climb the corporate ladder or anything. You had to be talented and smart, quick on your feet and have reflexes like a cat. Yeah, it was pretty hard being a competitive gamer, especially with a team like yours.

‘Dude I can’t believe you fucking did that. We are fucked, royally and truly fucked.’ You heard one voice speak through your headset, making you snicker at the defeated tone. Truthfully, your other team mate had fucked you, but it’s humbling to lose once in a while no?

‘What are you talking about Kook, I know how to play this game. This was a smart move for us!’ He protested, earning a frustrated groan from the other boy in the chat. Over your years of playing Overwatch, you had become quite good friends with a lot of players, some more than others. Some players were in it for the money, the audience and the fame that came with it. You found it hard to filter through the fakes, but eventually you managed, finding yourself two diamonds. Jungkook and Taehyung were your best friends, streaming more often than not with them. Sometimes though, Taehyung was a bit of a noob. He was good at the game sure, but only with the few characters he knew how to play, usually you would base a team around him. Today however he wanted to surprise the group, letting you both pick your characters first.

‘Tae, my love, have you ever played as DPS Moira before?’ You question, looking at your camera giving your viewers a “save us please” kind of look. You heard Taehyung stutter through his mic, trying to make up an explanation. A groan came from Jungkook once more, making you laugh as the game loaded in. Where you wouldn’t call yourself competitive, Jungkook certainly was. He took it hard when you lost, hearing more controllers broken than not. Taehyung on the other hand was so happy go lucky, he didn’t care if you won or lost, he just enjoyed the game. They were a terrible match, truly, but it made for some entertaining streams.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, wish us luck.’ You sigh, running through the game as usual, trying not to burst out laughing at how frustrated Jungkook was getting. Over the years you may have developed a slight crush on Jungkook. Slight may be an understatement, realistically you’ve had a massive crush on him since the first time you all met up.

Jungkook was tall, dark, and handsome, everything a girl looks for in a man. He had shaggy black hair parted in the middle. You’d love to run your hands through it the way he does, maybe tug on a handful every now and then. The tattoos up and down his arms were something to behold, if only he wore short sleeves more often…

‘Y/N, what are you doing?!’ Came a shout from your headset, startling you into pushing a random button. You heard a crash then a loud groan, followed by a little laugh. Your random button had been your shoot button, hopelessly friendly firing at Jungkook.

‘So, who was it going to be losing this game for us? Asking for a friend of course…’ Taehyung quipped, you could practically feel Jungkook running his hands through his hair in anger, trying not to throw the only controller he has left. The comments come flooding in on the stream, some rude, some funny. Your moderators were quick to remove the rude comments, not letting you see anything negative; you were quite lucky that way.

You wouldn’t brag and say you were a popular streamer, there was no way you were racking in 50k people a stream, but you weren’t a little channel either. You used cam, but you never did anything for people to thirst over you for, you didn’t show skin or dress scantily. Never one to gain attention for the wrong thing or say something you shouldn’t. It was always a dream of yours to be accepted into this community, but not because you’re a girl on twitch, because you were damn good at what you do.

‘Okay guys, I think we have tortured Jungkook enough, until next time!’ You say, signing off with a little wave and ending the stream.

‘You guys suck.’ Jungkook sighed, earning a laugh from both you and Taehyung. ‘I’m heading to bed, see you both tomorrow.’ He groaned, coming off the call. You pout at the fact he was gone, letting a little “awwh” escape.

‘What was that? Am I not good enough?’ Tae responded, laughing as you stutter through the call. ‘Do you have romantic feelings for Mr. Jeon?’ He questioned, not expecting any kind of response.

‘I didn’t think it was that obvious…’ You reply, thanking the lords no one could see you turning 3 shades of pink right now. There was silence on the other end of the call, almost deafening. Tae had guessed your feelings for him a long time ago, it was the same feelings he had for you.

‘You should tell him.’ He replied, words cutting his throat as he spoke them. Taehyung had a crush on you from day one, before you guys even met, before you even spoke to each other. He watched your streams before, falling for how relaxed you were in front of the camera while playing. You were never problematic or rude, you were just perfectly you. He had never seen that before, so he subbed to you that moment, watching you grow into what you are now. He fell for the way you told perverts to get lost, he fell for the way you laughed at your subscriber’s jokes, not because you had to, but because you genuinely found the corny jokes funny. He fell for you and everything you stand for; regardless of knowing he would always be invisible in that light to you.

‘Eh, I dunno Tae, that’s a big confession…’ You hesitate, tiding up your surrounding area, trying not to move too far from the computer. Taehyung sighed, leaning forward in his chair. Elbows rested on the desk, head in his clammy hands.

‘Do it tomorrow, if he says he feels the same way, then you’re good. However, if he says no, then you can move on, the sooner you get it over with, the better.’ You knew he was right, there was no use holding onto false hope that he may like you back, there was no use pretending you had just friendly feelings for him. You agree with Tae, telling him goodnight and that you will see him tomorrow.

You didn’t move from your chair after you turned the call off, too busy playing absentmindedly with the pencil on your desk. Your heart raced in your ears, the thought of telling him tomorrow made you want to throw up. Sighing, you put the pencil back in the holder on your desk, sinking back into your chair, staring at the blank wall. Taehyung hadn’t moved either, head in his hands slapping his forehead. How could he have suggested that? What possessed him to tell his crush to confess to her crush? He hit his hands off his forehead one more time before standing up to go to bed, kicking the bin in frustration.

You stood in front of him, words spilling out your mouth like vomit. The second you said the words, his face fell, almost deadpanned, and now you were trying to pull it back. ‘It’s not like it’s massive feelings, like maybe a crush, less than that even. I don’t want this to ruin the friendship though, because I know you don’t feel the same way and-‘His hand slammed over your mouth, startling you slightly. You frown at him, licking the palm of his hand. He pulled his hand away instantly, looking at you in mock disgust. It almost felt natural, or normal, then an awkward silence fell around you both, neither one sure what to say.

‘Listen, I’m flattered, but I really don’t think of you that way… I’m sorry.’ He spoke, trying not to make it more awkward than it already was.

‘It’s okay, I know you don’t I just wanted to get it out. It’s cool, we are still friends!’ You reply, smacking his arm in a friendly manner, that seeming more awkward than not too. You clear your throat, pointing towards the exit in the most unnatural way possible. ‘Anyway, I have to go, I forgot I have to give Taehyung something!’ You smile, running off. Partially, it was because you had to see Tae, you now had a bone to pick with him, but also because the awkwardness was really killing you. Honestly, you didn’t want things to be weird, and hanging around for any longer was going to do that. You knocked on Taehyungs door, walking in without letting him answer.

‘You’re a dick Kim Taehyung, the biggest prick of the century I’ll have you know!’ You shout into the empty room, looking around for him. Making yourself at home, you kick your shoes off, pulling your hoodie over your head. He came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, other towel in his hands drying his hair.

‘And how is that?’ He questioned, watching you look him up and down momentarily before snapping back. You scoff at him, throwing your hoodie at his naked form.

‘Put some clothes on before I even talk to you.’ You reply, faking a gag. He rolled his eyes at you, picking your hoodie up and smiling. He exited the main room, heading for his bedroom.

‘You know, if you didn’t barge into my house, you wouldn’t have seen me practically naked. What’s going on anyway? Didn’t I just leave you and Jungkook in that café?’ you sigh, sulking back into his couch, willing the fabric to eat you alive.

‘Yes, and I confessed, and his face looked like I had told him I had three weeks to live. No one has ever been that disappointed in the history of the world! Fuck sake, you did this to me!’ you scream, an instant backhand to his chest the second he sat down. He grunted in pain, coughing slightly at the force. Your hoodie covered his torso, which you were sure had no shirt under it.

‘You don’t realise right now, but its better like this. At least you know!’

‘I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!’ you whine, kicking your feet in a mild temper tantrum.

‘Want to watch a movie and order some desserts?’ He suggested, already turning the T.V on.

‘Yes please, and get me a hoodie since you stole mine.’ You pout, waiting for him to come back before cuddling into his side.

Jungkook sat on his couch, trying hard to get his head into the game he was playing. All he could think about was you though, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. He didn’t have feelings for you, not enough for it to be a relationship. He didn’t think of you romantically, nor did he want to have sex with you, but why were you all he could think of right now? He put his controller down on the coffee table, slouching back onto his couch. His phone screen lit up beside him urging him to pick it up. An automated text from the local pizza shop, how typical. While it was in his hand, he opted for scrolling through some apps, catching up on all his notifications. He watched through snapchat stories, landing on your one, he frowned, sitting up in his seat.

The first couple weren’t too bad, some selfies of your outfit for today, you him and Tae at the coffee shop. The next one was what made him sit up straight, almost angry, but did he really have the right to be angry right now? You were cuddled up on Taehyungs couch, in his hoodie, arms wrapped around your stomach as you lay on his lap. He had your hoodie on, which he couldn’t understand. Why weren’t you wearing yours? Why had you switched clothes? Why did Tae’s hoodie look so good on you? You had Captioned the snap with “he bought me ice cream and churros, he’s the best!” Curiosity got the better of him, checking on Tae’s snapchat too, low and behold there you were. Cuddled into his side, a candid photo of you eating ice cream, hands buried in the sleeves of his jumper. You looked comfortable and relaxed, a different person to who stood in front of him before. He thought back to it, you nervously spitting words at him, hoping the floor would crumble beneath your feet. He was almost sorry he made you feel like that, sorry he couldn’t reciprocate your feelings. He clicked through the story, next was a video, you crying about how Ursula is just misunderstood and wanted to take Ariels voice because she was being naive!

‘Having a voice is so much more important than looking like every other bitch out there. That’s what she’s trying to tell her, albeit in the wrong way but- TAE STOP VIDEOING ME!’ You screeched out, hand coming up to smack the phone out of his hand. He laughed at that, enjoying the way you see things how others don’t. He laughed at your whining voice as you tell Tae to stop, then he stopped laughing. Angry at how he wished that was him, angry that he couldn’t understand his feelings.

Jungkook could feel the jealousy brewing inside of him, but why? He didn’t have feelings for you, or so he thought, so he assumed. Clicking on Instagram, he punched in your username, clicking onto your profile. He had a flick through your photos, trying to figure out how he felt, what he truly felt for you. Looking at your face in depth, he could see you were pretty, could see that you knew how to carry yourself and dress well. Your button nose and the way your hair fell, honestly, he could admit you were very beautiful. Most guys would think it was a dream, someone like you had feelings for them, so why did he turn you down so easily.  

Was it an initial shock? Did he not know how to react? Honestly, he couldn’t pin point it, but right now he really wished he could. Without thinking, his thumbs typed out a message, a sharp one, that he was sure to regret the second he hit send.

‘You and Tae look cosy, guess it must really be nothing more than a crush huh?’ You read out loud to Tae, unable to process the words completely. Taehyung frowned, taking your phone out of your hands to read the message himself. His eyes squinted at the screen, as if he could make it change to something else, something nicer. Something you would rather read from him, but he couldn’t make this better.

‘What the fuck?’ Were the only words he could think right now, to busy trying to wrap his head around his friend’s reaction. He knew he would never have you as his own, he had come to terms with this a long time ago, but for Jungkook to be acting like such a child, he knew exactly what the problem was.

‘He’s jealous. I know he said he didn’t like you, but he clearly does.’ Taehyung spoke, passing your phone back to you. He watched as your thumbs danced over the keyboard at lightening pace, he had never seen you this ridiculously mad before. Taehyung could not thank his lucky stars hard enough that it was Jungkook on the receiving end of that heat and not him.

‘What the hell? Jealous much? I came over to see Tae about something and he offered me dessert and a movie, he’s my best friend am I not allowed to cuddle up to him while eating ice cream? Last time I checked you weren’t my boyfriend Jungkook, back off. Oh, or better yet, come back when you’re ready to fucking apologise for snapping at me.’

He sighed, throwing his phone down on the couch cushions. You were right, he knew that much, you had every right to go off at him for that stupid comment. He should go over to Tae’s, say that he’s sorry. Standing up from the couch, he moves towards his shoes, picking one up to put it on, he stops. You wouldn’t even want to see him, collapsing against the wall, he let out a frustrated groan, running his hands through his hair. He pulled on a few strands out of anger, banging his head against the wall. Truly unable to understand why he was so pissed off about you being around Tae so much, he decided to just head to bed. Maybe if he slept on it, he might be able to figure somethings out.

Weeks passed, and you still had heard nothing from Jungkook, your followers kept asking for him. You had to keep making up stories that he wasn’t well, or was really busy. Honestly, you were getting sick of covering up for him, why were you lying to your followers for him?

‘Just give him time, he will come round.’ Tae spoke through the phone, trying his best to comfort you from a distance. For the past few weeks, he had been your only constant, your level head if you will. Anytime you go to apologise to Jungkook he reminds you that you did nothing wrong. That you had nothing to apologise for what so ever, and if you did, he would kick your ass.

‘I just don’t know what is so hard about saying sorry? He was so rude and can’t even admit it?’ You sigh, slouching down into your couch cushions. You heard him hum on the other end, unable to find something to say to make this better for you. You go to give him some sarcastic comment about being helpful, but a gentle knock at your door interrupts you. So light if you were doing anything other than sitting here, you wouldn’t have heard it.

‘Tae, someone’s at the door, I’ll call you back.’ You speak, hanging up the phone the second you hear him say bye. Without looking through the peep hole, you swing the door open, face to face with a bunch of flowers. From behind, Jungkook poked his face around the side a weak smile on his face. Rolling your eyes, you step to the side, letting him come in.

‘Why are you here?’ You ask in the most bored tone you can muster, he puts the flowers down on your counter, turning around to look at you. Trying to not look pleased, or flattered, you fold your arms over your chest.

‘I came to say sorry. I know I snapped for no reason, but seeing you cuddled up to Tae like that really pissed me the fuck off.’ He spoke, getting angrier the more he thought about it. He thought he had dealt with it these past few weeks, but clearly the annoyance was still sitting at the back of his brain.

‘Why though? You told me you didn’t like me like that so why should it piss you off? Why should you feel obligated to be annoyed?!’ You raise your voice, not entirely meaning to. He ran his hand through his hair, turning away from you for a second. Silence fell while you waited for him to reply, but nothing came. You let a sarcastic laugh slip through your lips, rolling your eyes at the back of his head.

‘Just leave Jungkook.’ You sigh, stepping through to your living room, allowing him to see himself out.

‘I don’t know why it pisses me off so much okay? I want your attention, every last fucking drop of it, and knowing Tae has even some of it pisses me off. Seeing you in someone’s arms that aren’t mine pisses me off. Knowing someone else is comforting you, or making you laugh, knowing you’re not thinking about me, it pisses me the fuck off. Maybe I am into you, maybe I do want you to be mine, I don’t know what that feels like. You’re beautiful, so fucking beautiful, and funny and so damn genuine, I don’t know how I feel, but I know for fucking sure I don’t want anyone else to have you.’ He confessed, stopping to breathe and stare you down. Your face softened at the confession, making your heart beat a little faster at the hope.

‘Sit, I think we need to talk.’