#im good. im fine. im functioning normally. clearly

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

boy i accidentally clocked into work an hour early . what the fuc

[rosiehrs]

civil war | hanni

summary ; you don't know how to function without expressing your disdain for each other, but sometimes all you need is to share a drink to bring peace.

pairing ; hanni pham x fem!reader

content ; non idol!au, enemies to lovers…?, mild jealousy, lame insults, hanni doesnt like yn's outfits, yn and hanni are annoying

genre ; fluff

word count ; 4075

not even 10 seconds in and the two of you were already going at it.

“goofy outfit, bro.” hanni comments as you finally arrive at the café you all agreed to eat at. you raised your eyebrow at her, scoffing. “i know you’re not talking with that hair.”

“i’m trying something NEW. maybe you should too!” she fought back, crossing her arms and turning away from you. “we’ve been here together for approximately 5 seconds and you’re already at it. i’m genuinely amazed. how are we a function friend group?” minji complains, the look of disbelief clear on her face. danielle laughed, wrapping her arms around you and hanni. “it’s gonna be a fun day! brighten up, everyone! we’re gonna eat good, have good conversations and so much more!” 

“unnie, yn and hanni will kill each other before any of that happens.” hyein butts in as she eyes the desserts on display. “so not true! what do you think, haerin?” dani asks, catching the younger girl off guard. haerin slowly turns to look at her and blinks. “mm.”

“exactly! thank you! now let’s eat and have fun, yes?”

“yes..” you all replied. you looked over to see hanni glaring at you, causing a laugh to escape your throat. you stuck your tongue out at her and let dani drag you to a table.

“why can’t you just be a normal person and wear a normal outfit?”

“how is this not a normal outfit?”

“you’re just not normal.”

“do you think you’re funny?”

“i’m funnier than you.”

“im taller than you.”

“who fucking asked you?”

“i–”

“no one asked! next!” hanni interrupts, taking a huge bite out of her bread roll menacingly. “i hope you choke.” you replied, kicking her under the table earning a muffled yelp. you laughed as you watched her aggressively chew, clearly wanting to say something back at you. “apapap! unnie, calm down, you might actually choke.” she looked at danielle and defeatedly obeyed. she looked up, sending you a glare. a small smile couldn't help but spread across your face as you watched her cheeks full of bread move up and down. you couldn’t deny that hanni was cute. even at times when you found her absolutely insufferable, you still found her adorable. but that was something you’d take to the grave. 

“...party and she invited us.”

the girls all began to agree with minji’s words but you were too caught up in your own world to listen. “wait, wait. what? sorry, i zoned out.”

“i said wonyoung is throwing a party tomorrow and she invited us. but i think there will be drinks there? you comfortable with that, hyein? we would take care of you!”

“please. it’s a party thrown by wonyoung unnie, of course there are drinks. besides, i’ve been friends with you guys for so long, i think i’m comfortable around alcohol.” she replied, rolling her eyes. minji laughed at her, bumping her shoulder. “okay, big girl. you down, y/n?” you nodded excitedly, “yeah! should be fun.”

“hanni? dani? haerin?”

“i’m down!” danielle cheers. “me too.”

“hanni?” minji asks again. “oh, uh, yeah. sure, i’m down.” she muttered, sending minji a small smile. “great! i’ll let her know.” and you all easily found yourselves lost in another silly conversation, but your eyes never left hanni. you could tell something was off but you weren’t close enough to push. if you asked you were certain she would just tell you to go away, so you decided to stay safe and just.. wonder from afar.

you got into minji’s car, greeting everyone excitedly. hyein was in the passenger seat and haerin was sitting on dani’s lap behind them. “we should start taking my family car when we all go out.” hyein suggested, causing minji to laugh. “my car is perfectly fine!”

“you’re not drinking tonight, min?” you asked. “nah, gotta take care of this big baby.” hyein groaned and started arguing with minji about how she wasn’t a baby and that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. minji simply laughed and let the younger girl yap until they reached hanni’s house. she opened the door and stopped her movements as she laid her eyes on you. “these damn outfits, y/n. i want to laugh, but i just feel bad.”

“can we leave her, please? i’m begging.”

“hi hanni unnie! please get in!” 

she hesitantly gets in next to you and shuts the door. you awkwardly tried to shuffle further away, but it was no use. with the two girls next to you, you had no space to go anyway. you tried to remain respectful and leave a little gap between the two of you, but it just meant you squeezed in closer to the other two. 

minji made an abrupt turn causing everyone in the car to move with it. you were pressed against hanni as she grabbed your arm to prevent herself from flying away. “shit, sorry everyone! that car came out of nowhere.”

“unnie, we’re not even there yet and you’re already trying to kill us!” hyein yelled.

“ow.” haerin mumbled, rubbing her head. “you okay, rin?” dani asked, getting a nod in response. you felt some pressure on your arm and saw that hanni had still been holding onto it. “you good?” you asked quietly. her eyes widened as she realised and quickly let go of you, “um, yeah. i.. don’t talk about it.” she turned away to face the window and you laughed at her antics.

“holy shit, where the hell am i supposed to park? the whole street is full?”

with a scoff, hyein crosses her arms. “of course the entirety of seoul is here, it’s wonyoung unnie’s party.” 

“unnie, there! free spot there!” dani directed, minji quickly driving to secure the spot. it took a few minutes.. with hyein yelling, dani trying to help, you and hanni quietly arguing about God knows what and haerin just.. listening to everything.

you all eagerly made your way to wonyoung’s house – mansion? castle? either works! there were already heaps of people in her front yard, walking into her house was another level. there were seas of people, some familiar, some not. you looked around and saw a dj up on a stage-like area, wonyoung knew how to throw parties.

you made your way through the huge crowds, searching for your friends. stepping foot into the kitchen, you see wonyoung, yujin and rei chatting with other people. wonyoung looked up and squealed as she saw you. her face lit up as she ran towards all of you, giving you all a hug. “you came! i’m so happy! i’ve missed you guys! it was only supposed to be a small gathering, but people bring people and those people bring people and you know how it goes.” 

“i can imagine, looks great though! very lively!” dani exclaims, excited by the atmosphere. “thank you! the snacks and drinks are over there and hyein! there’s a bunch of juice! if there’s anything else you need, please just come looking for me! have fun you guys, i’ll call you when we start playing games.”

you all thanked her and made your way towards the snack table. “who’s drinking, raise your hand.” minji said (yelled) over the music. dani and you raised your hands, high fiving in the process. you and dani poured yourselves some drinks and made your way back to your friends. hyein was dancing with minji, haerin and hanni, making the both of you smile. “they’re cute.” you stated, sipping your drink. “yeah, they are! let’s dance!” dani giggled as she dragged you to the dance floor where your other friends were. 

after a few songs, you started to get tired. you stepped away from your group and went to get a sip of water. you looked around and saw a familiar figure outside on the patio. you curiously made your way outside, startling said familiar figure.

“hanni?”

“what are you doing here?” she asked, turning back to look away from you. you shut the sliding door and sat down next to her. “i.. just saw you out here. i didn’t realise you left, are you okay?”

she nodded, “yeah, it was just.. loud. i’m okay. you can go back inside.” you thought about it for a second and decided to stay put. she looked at you with confusion on her face, “i said you can go back inside.” you shook your head and looked up at the sky. “nah, i’m good here.”

hanni opened her mouth to say something else but chose to keep it to herself after she saw how content you looked next to her. she cleared her throat, not knowing how to start a conversation with you. insulting you didn’t seem very fitting in this setting so she didn’t know what to do. “we can just sit in silence, don’t be weird.” you spoke, amusement clear in your voice. “whatever, i’m just trying not to make it awkward.”

“it’s only awkward if you make it awkward.” she blinked at you a few times before looking back up at the sky. she took a deep breath in and closed her eyes. you turned to look at her and couldn’t help but smile. she glowed in the moonlight and when she opened them, you saw stars in her eyes. 

“wanna go for a walk?” you regretted it as soon as you opened your mouth. you were certain she was going to laugh at you and throw a childish insult at you. but much to your surprise, she stood up and said, “let’s go.”

you stared at her with shock on your face, quickly standing up and taking your phone out to let minji know. you walked along wonyoung’s neighbourhood, quietly rating each house you walked by. the streetlights weren’t too bright, but weren’t too dim. they gave off the perfect light it reflected clearly on hanni’s face.

“you know, if you weren’t such an asshole - i would be able to say you look pretty without regretting it.”

you heard hanni’s breath hitch next to you, quickly coughing to cover it up. “what happened to being in silence?” she snapped back, trying to hide the fact that she was turning red. “i just called you pretty, can’t you be decent for once and just say thank you?” you retorted, rolling your eyes.

“it- i-.. thank you..” she defeatedly whispered. “see, was that so hard?” she muttered a snarky reply under her breath, but she was extremely flustered. you just watched her for a few seconds, genuinely taken aback by her beauty. you held no hatred for the girl next to you, in fact it was the opposite. you wouldn’t lie and say you were never hurt by the things she said. most times you genuinely had no idea whether or not she actually hated you or this was just her way of communicating with you. like.. it was your thing? but curiosity is strong and sometimes people need answers.

“hanni?” you began, kicking a rock on the path. she hummed in response, looking down at the ground. “do you actually dislike me?” you asked, still avoiding eye contact. “oh.” was all she could let out. she turned to look at you and felt guilty as soon as she saw the look on your face. of course she didn't hate you, she definitely wasn’t good at showing that but dislike was the last thing she felt for you.

“you’ve always argued with me and insulted me, so i reciprocated the energy. i thought it was just banter, but we never seemed to get past it. come to think of it, this is probably the closest thing we’ve had to a proper conversation.”

her demeanor softened, voice laced with guilt. “no, i don’t dislike you. i just thought you didn’t like me either.” she said, eyes glued to the floor.

“i’ve always liked you but with the way you treated me, i knew i didn’t have a chance.”

“no, it– wait what?” she froze and stopped in her tracks, “a chance?” 

“yeah–oh, i see how this can be misinterpreted.” you responded, standing next to her. “oh, you mean like.. have a chance to be friends with me?”

“no.. i mean have a chance with you.” you clarified, leaving hanni dumbfounded. “what?”

“i mean, even with the way you treat me - i see how you treat others. i know you’re a good and kind person, i guess being pretty helps as well, but you’re funny and you care for others. i see how funny you are, how you care for our friends, i know you have a nice voice. you help take care of hyein, you look out for haerin, you help minji out when she feels overwhelmed with everything, you and dani are a great pair and– ”

“– you like me?” she interrupts, eyes almost popping out of her eye sockets.

you tilted your head at her, “yes..?” 

“how?”  “erm.. did i not just explain?”

“how are you acting like this isn’t a big deal?” hanni screeched, throwing her head into her hands, “we’ve spent years shitting on each other and you’re saying you’ve liked me this entire time?!” her voice went up an octave with every word. you quickly shushed her with your hands, trying to prevent the entire neighbourhood from hearing her, “hanni, it doesn’t have to be a big deal! i didn’t tell you because i expected anything, i just wanted to share my side of things. i like you, so i’ve just followed your lead. if arguing and insulting is what you’re comfortable, then i’m alright with that.”

she shook her head, chuckling almost bitterly at your words. “y/n, i’ve always known you to be a sarcastic person, so i’ve only been acting like this towards you because i thought this was what you wanted.” 

she took a deep breath in, taking a step closer to you. “y/n, the truth is i–”

the sound of your ringtone cut her off, taking you both by surprise. you pulled your phone out of your pocket to see minji’s name displayed in big letters. “it’s–i’m sorry. give me a second.” you apologised, answering the call. “minji?”

hanni cleared her throat and took a step back, staring down at the ground. all she needed was 2 more seconds. minji’s timing was impeccable. all she wanted to do was laugh at the absurdity of it all, but all she could muster up was the fact that she felt defeated.

“oh, yeah, alright. we’re coming. okay, see you.” the call ended and you turned to hanni, “we have to go. haerin’s not feeling well.” hanni nodded and followed you as you turned to walk back to wonyoung’s house. “wait, sorry, i interrupted you earlier. you were saying something..?” you reminded, turning to her. her head was down and her shoulders were slumped, you couldn't help but wonder if this was because of what you told her. 

“huh? oh.. no.. it’s nothing. it doesn’t matter.” she mumbled, almost whispering. “are you sure? you can tell me anything, i won’t be offended.” you reassured. you wanted to hear what she felt about.. how you felt. you were almost getting to her, opening up to each other. “yeah, i’m sure. don’t worry about it. let’s just get back to them so we can take care of haerin.”

you slowly blinked at her before nodding. “hanni, i hope what i told you doesn’t change anything. or if i does, i hope we can at least be civil with each other.” she sent you a soft smile and replied, “of course.” with that, you were content. and you were a step closer to being friends.

you reached wonyoung’s house shortly, grabbing hanni’s arm to run towards minji’s car in the distance. “is haerin okay?” you asked immediately. 

they explained that she had snacked too much and needed to rest. the ride back home was.. awkward to say the least. you and hanni didn’t say a word to each other, looking in opposite directions. you felt as if you had screwed everything up until you felt her move next to you. she subtly shuffled closer to you, making your shoulders and knees touch. your entire body stiffened, startled by the sudden contact. 

it was all you could think about when you got home, that and hanni sending you a smile when she got dropped off. she made your heart flutter with the smallest gestures and you could only imagine how she’d make you feel once you were actually friends. you went to sleep that night with a content heart.

a few days after the party, you all agreed to meet up again to try out a new café. you rushed to get ready in hopes that hanni would arrive early again. you reached the café half an hour before the initial plan, eagerly searching for the australian girl.your shoulders slumped when you realised you were the first to arrive. you grudgingly went to find a table big enough to seat all of you. you wanted to sulk, but you never made an arrangement with hanni. in fact, you haven’t spoken to her since the party. you sat there, busy arguing with yourself that you didn’t even realise someone had walked into the café.

a sweet voice snapped you out of your thoughts, “hi.” 

“oh.” you began, feeling your heart race as you saw her face. “hanni, hi. you’re early.” she chuckled and took the seat opposite you, “so are you. didn’t expect that from you. did something motivate you?”

“oh, don’t even. i don’t know what you’re talking about.” you scowled, scrolling on your phone to hide the blush creeping up on your face. she pushed your phone down with a grin, “we have to talk, y/n.”

“about what..?” 

“your clothes. what the hell are you wearing.” your facial expressions dropped and you stared at her with a look of disapproval. “i’m not impressed. you’re not funny. it’s good to see that you fixed your hair though.” you retorted.

“you still find me pretty, don’t you?” she teased with a smile. all you could do was stare and you knew you looked stupid. you felt stupid, of course she’d use it against you. she’s hanni. “i don’t like you.”

“hmm, that’s not what you–”

“i’m going to the bathroom! be right back!” you stood up and ran to the bathroom. you stared at yourself in the mirror, embarrassed by how flushed you looked. you wanted to strangle her. she was infuriating, how you still like her will always be a mystery to you. any regular person would hate hanni’s guts, and a part of you does! but for the most part, she makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. you hated her for that, too. 

a few minutes later, you calmed yourself down and walked out to see your friends sitting there. you let out a breath of relief and ran to engulf minji in a hug. “thank you.” you whispered, confusing the girl. “um, you’re welcome?”

“oh, you’re so dramatic.” hanni sassed, “we were alone for ten minutes. it wasn’t that bad.” you watched her roll her eyes and cross her arms, sending you a glare shortly after. so much for being civil. 

‘if being alone with me for ten minutes is so torturous, why does she like me?’ hanni thought bitterly. she didn’t want to admit it, but she was jealous. she’s always been jealous of minji. you were close, always showing each other affection. hanni barely remembers a time when you weren’t on top of each other. it irked her–you irked her. you initiated all of that with minji; why couldn’t you do it with her? knowing how you feel for her, she feels a sense of entitlement over you. you should be hugging her like that. she didn’t pause for a second to think about how quick of a jump it would be for the both of you, nor did she pause to think about the fact that you had no idea that she felt the same way.

you made your orders and began debriefing about anything and everything that’s happened in the past week. however, hanni was too busy staring at you to listen to the conversation, deciding to kick you under the table to earn your attention. you flinched and stared at her with confusion written on your face. “what’s that?” she mouthed, pointing at your drink. 

“whipped cappuccino,” you answered, raising your eyebrows at her. “can i try?” she asked, and you nodded at her in response. she grabbed your drink and placed her lips on your straw. your eyes widened at her actions, and hanni felt accomplished with your reaction. “yum,” she responded, sliding your drink back over to you. 

“what was that.” hyein said, staring at the two of you incredulously. “what the hell was that.”

“what was what?” hanni asked casually, taking a bite out of her pastry. “she poisoned you. y/n unnie poisoned you. there’s no other explanation.” you scoffed at hyein, waving her off. “please.  if i wanted to poison her, i would’ve done it years ago. why would i have willingly put up with her all this time?”

“oh really? yeah, why would you willingly put up with me all this time? honestly, i wish you would’ve poisoned me so i wouldn’t have to deal with you anymore.”

“hyein, they were doing so good.” haerin muttered, throwing her head into her hands.

“you’re lucky to know me, i’m great to be around with! you didn’t mind my company at the party last week.” you retorted. “yeah, well you didn’t mind my company either.”

“why can’t you guys just be friends?” minji asked, clearly exasperated with your dynamics. “i–we are..! um.. friends..! right, hanni?”

“..just friends?” she replied.

“w-what?!” 

“what.”

“huh?!”

“pause.”

“...”

“y/n and i need to talk outside!” hanni sang, grabbing your wrist and dragging you out of the café. (and ignoring your friends and their comments)

“what the hell was that?!” you shrieked, still taken aback by her question. “it–you–i like you too, idiot!” she yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. “i don’t actually mean the insults i throw at you. that’s what i was trying to tell you before minji called.” you felt your entire world stop and in the moment you felt like your head was about to explode. “why the hell didn’t you tell me after?!”

“i was scared! i didn’t know how you’d react!” she responded, equally as hysterical as you. “well, i fucking told you i liked you, of course i’d react well, you fucking moron!”

“don’t call me a moron, i’m not a moron! you’re a moron!”

“why are you yelling at me?!” 

“why are you yelling at me?!” she retorted, causing you to change your demeanor. “oh, i’m sorry. i’m just freaking out. i don’t know what to do. what do we do now?” with a sigh, hanni shook her head. “i don’t know. i just feel stupid, we’ve liked each other for so long and we just.. wasted time. i wished i told you sooner.”

“me too, but there’s no better time than the present..? ..right?” you beckoned, earning a small smile from the girl in front of you. “you still want to be with me..?” 

you took a step closer, “if that’s okay with you?” hanni chuckled, grabbing your hands and wrapping them around her waist. “yeah, that could be arranged.”

“and we wouldn’t try to kill each other?”

“and we would compliment each other.”

“sounds gross,” you joked, yelping shortly after. “ow!” rubbing your arm with one hand and keeping the other around her waist. “you’re lucky you’re cute.”

you giggled, poking her sides. “you like me.”

“you like me too, don’t let it get to your head.” she grumbled, pulling you closer to her. she closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around you and placed her head on your shoulder. for so long, she’s dreamt about the warmth of your embrace and now that she was in your arms–she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“wait, so you don’t think my outfits are bad?”

“don’t ruin the moment, you loser.”

“you owe all me 50 bucks,” dani cheered with a grin on her face, groans from the other three following suit.

im going to die now, thank u. not proofread !!!!

[immoralimmortals]

Akatsuki Member Songs and Headcanons Part 2

I told you I could do this post over again with new songs! Some of the associations are more based on headcanon than others. The songs are linked in the headers. Hope you enjoy!

Hidan: BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA by Will Wood

This song...is definitely about someone who cannot die. Whats more: it is also definitely someone who has a strange relationship with pain and suffering. Hidan in canon so very clearly dislikes being in pain if he is not in his ritual form. Simultaneously, he says he'd love if someone managed to kill him. (I know he may be sarcastic but imagine the possibilities if he's not!) He's a gratuitous man of contradictions and confidence, and I think this song carries it well. Throughout are mentioned symbols of health and longevity in grotesque situations. You KNOW this man's body is fucked up, both by his hand and others. I want to cut him open and study him like an anatomical doll. The whole "interview" in the middle is me eventually grabbing him by the collar and going what the hell is fucking wrong with you! How can a severed head breathe and talk!

I've also heard that WW wrote this as a test to himself to get as many words in a normal length song as possible. It suits how much Hidan fucking talks. I also think it's a nice nod to the fact that he quite obviously introspects and thinks *a lot* despite being portrayed as headstrong and stupid.

Notable lyrics:

And through flight-or-fight revelation shame the Black Box Warrior He skipped this town and headed straight down history

His ego a mosquito, evil incarnate good incognito

For what? For what? For what it's worth If it was going to kill you boy, it would have by now For what? For what? For what it's worth There's no more looking back, it's looking up or looking down

He wondered if Christ Consciousness would charge a cancellation fee Auf wiedersehn, au revoir, he gripped his wits right by their ends

A bloody knife to split your infrastructure, wine to rev your motor function Coital machinations of the dead Well, you mainline your animus, karate chop your abacus And learn to be an animal instead

You've lost your mind and almost lost your life before So you'll be fine

Sasori: Thumbnail by Louie Zong and Brian David Gilbert

Something I've mulled over a long time is how the contradiction of how a man who prefers things to be long-lasting can also be so impatient. My interpretation so far is that this implies some level of anxiety; he wants things to last if they are comfortable for him to exist. That's why he doesn't mind his fight with Kankuro taking longer, despite just bashing Deidara for playing around. I think l, in perhaps the kindest way I can, that he is both shallow and more sensitive than he'll ever admit.

This is a song about wanting interactions condensed. If you tell me something bad, get it over with. But also, I don't know how to give you more than what I have. He's insecure about what he emotionally brings to the table, im sure. I figure that's a big reason he's destroying his humanity down to the core.

Notable lyrics:

Keep it quick, say it brief If it's fast, it will be a relief Short on time, that's a gift Count your seconds, and they'll catch the drift

Don't like what's revealed here When your depth of field's near, it's hard to come close Chip stones from the boulder Suddenly, my vulnerability shows Oh, you can crop and trim, 'till all that's left Is the essence of a presence that is feeling bereft Avant-garde, just the gist of a tale That is less of an image, and more of a thumbnail

How novel is a novel that can fit on one sheet It seems that I'm destined to fail To compress myself to the size of a thumbnail

Itachi: Blood on My Name by The Brothers Bright

Need I say more? Lots of individual lines that match up with his circumstances, especially his imminent death and the bodies he unfortunately racked up. And...of course...the Uchiha name is bloody as hell. His fate is inevitable, it is in stone and he is dragging his corpse to the finish line.

Notable lyrics:

When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you With the hounds of hell comin' after you I've got blood And I've got blood on my name

When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you

Can't you see I'm sorry? I will make it worth your while Made of dead man's money You can see it in my smile Oh, Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh, Lazarus, were you so afraid?

It won't be long, 'til I'm dead and gone Watch the fires rise, burn through my skin Down to the bone, scorchin' my soul

Konan: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

As tragic as life is, Konan is defined by her hope. This song references how others have come around time after time to help her see the light. This is a song that gets me emotional. It is slow, lingering, and forces you to drink it all in, every star and sorrow alike.

Notable lyrics: its literally the whole song so here's one verse

You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly, even after death With shortness of breath You explained the infinite And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

Deidara: Boss by The Correspondents

This man HATES his fucking job! He was just out there, vibing, and was forced to be an Akatsuki and remains more or less to exact revenge on an idea (that the Sharingan is perfect art). Petty bitch! But he kind of has a point, at least with the being forced to be Akatsuki part.

Notable lyrics:

I would love for this to not be an issue I would love to just laugh in your face But I'm finding it hard to dismiss you When you're the one running the place

We didn't ask for you to lead us We didn't want you to be boss You have done nothing but deceive us And it exacerbates our goals

Kakuzu: Six Feet by Patent Pending

This song is nearly perfect for my headcanons about him. The world is harsh, you must do as you must. He takes no joy in it. His ability to understand you or not does not affect your situation or relationship as shibobi. It is going to be what it is regardless. We are going to work until we die.

Notable lyrics:

When you hear that whistle blow, only the weakest go home Like their pain don't put food on their plate

You're keeping up, I see Well, it's a big world and it's only getting bigger And if you wanna be the best then you've gotta beat the best

Ain't nobody coming when you make the call 'Cause every man gunnin' for the first to fall Fill that bucket 'til the well runs dry It's left, right, left, 'til the day you die

Zetsu: Stalker's Tango by Autoheart

GREAT song if you want one for a ship with him. Describes over the course of its verses the increasing invasiveness and intensity of a stalker's relationship with the listener. References to being able to appear anywhere AND shape-shifting? Bonus! Also has a very calm yet arrogant, self assured air about the singer. I think it's great for him. I can imagine myself tied up in a chair while he explains himself to me with this song.

Notable lyrics:

I know, I know, I know this situation's strange It takes a little getting, a little getting used to

I know, I know, I know I'm always in your place But don't you see, my dear? I am your Doppelgänger I have your face

It's not that complicated, no matter what they say You'll never meet another me It's not that difficult to get your head around You'll never meet another me You'll never-never-never-ever-ever meet another me

Pain: Godhunter by Aviators

Hunting tailed beasts while claiming to be a god himself? A song where perhaps the godhunter becomes so powerful shes a God to be hunted???? YES!

...okay that last bit is largely my own very indulgent interpretation of this song. But I LOVE how it would suit him, being both the god and the godhunter in the plot of the story.

Notable lyrics: its literally the whole thing. Here's some cherry picked lines.

When you're holding on to majesty You'd fear the hunt, a travesty That balance may return

If you're something more than flesh, ascended And you've taken on the rest To end it then she'll find you in a dream, tormented Godhunter's gonna hunt you down

Tobi/Obito: The End of the Rope by They Might Be Giants

Who doesn't love a good villain song? You could almost think it's from a musical, how dramatic and explanatory it is. Very good representation of the heel turns this man makes to the protagonists throughout his character arc.

Notable lyrics: its the whole song. Here's the first verse.

How thoughtless of me How dumb can you be? Hopeless, wasn't that What you called me? And in fact It was even more true than you knew

Kisame: Delirium Tremendous by Felix Hagan & the Family

Kisame's a bit of what the kids would call, uh…blackpilled? He enjoys himself, yeah definitely, but he also knows he's a special kind of traitor, the lowest of the low. In my book, that makes him a little less low than some other villains in the series, but he would not agree.

To me, this song is a couple things. Most obviously, delirium tremens after drinking. Next overtly, it's about not being able to fit in. More specifically, it's about not being able to fit in among misfits who are defined by their abnormality, their abhorrent nature to regular society. He is a very alienated man, he wants the good, but he has accepted he is not and that the world as it is will never be that way unless someone else (Tobi/Madara, in his view) takes it by the reigns and changes everything about how it works. He yearns for something he does not feel he has earned or deserves. It captures a lot of vibes and emotions I associate with Kisame all at once: lonliness, sensation, aggressiveness, fighting, longing. AND it's a fucking bop!

Notable lyrics:

What would make you get so battered That your bones betray you, start to shatter And you can’t relate to all the happy little night-time boys and girls

Save breath, crave death Can’t be much worse And I'm sick, sigh, can’t abide This twitching track from wet to dry I’m too old to cry, too young to die Too rabid for the pack So I’ll spit, try to hold it in Search for a sign of life within And I’ll fake a grin, until my skin Is starting to crack

So just stay cool and break through this sick delirium state I got wasted, now I’m tasting the cruel justice of fate

[umemiyan]

ROBIN!!! im absolutely in LOVE with postmortem/postpartum, its such a good fic and its so refreshing honestly to see such a creative, interesting concept be explored especially with so much care and love. i said this in my tags but thats rly what fanfic is all about, EXPLORING!!! exploring canon, exploring characters, putting them in new situations and seeing what happens. i love love love it. and seeing gojo in such a brand new, vulnerable light, with both him and reader navigating life as a disabled-coded person following his death and resurrection, is so fascinating. and when he did the divine dogs hand motion to megumi i literally almost cried. if its ok with u, i had a couple questions!!!

what was reader before the incident? a teacher at jujutsu high? just a friend to satoru? im interested in what role they played prior to everything that happened. obviously megumi knew reader, but im curious what that relationship is!!

how with it is satoru? reader had to pick out his outfit and bathe and feed him, we’ve seen that much, but is he able to dress himself? how well does he move - walking and such? does reader always have to help feed him or was that just a one time occurrence to encourage him to eat?

SORRY if im bombarding you with too many questions, i just love this concept so much and im so fascinated with it 🤍🤍🤍

AH HELLO!!!!!!! omg i saw your wonderful tags earlier while i was working and i was just so giddy to read them!!!! thank you so much 💕 i really am enjoying exploring this story and am happy that others are as well 🥹 i felt like maybe the whole thing would just be something only i would be interested in LOL which would’ve been totally fine tbh but i’m thrilled to see it resonating with other people!!

no worries about asking questions at all! thank you for doing so! i realize some things have been rather vague thus far and probably have a few people wondering what the deal is lol

more details will be revealed somewhat soon in the story i suppose, but so far my intention has been for reader to be a sorcerer—not necessarily a teacher, but many sorcerers do of course tend to engage with the school and its students, so that’s where the familiarity comes from. it will also be implied that they and gojo were either classmates or otherwise very close in age during school (that’s a specific detail i haven’t exactly landed on yet lol)

as for satoru, i’ve honestly been playing it a little loose when it comes to his condition thus far, though i would like to perhaps refine some of these details in my mind. however, it’s purposefully meant to come across a bit wishy-washy since it’s truly something that everyone is learning as they go along. in my mind, the time since satoru’s revival/awakening has really not been long at all—maybe two weeks at the most. new things are being unearthed every day.

however!! he is very much inspired by brain injury patients as well as autistic individuals with higher support needs (somewhere in between levels 2 and 3). it’s a bit of a concoction of both (as well as tidbits of other things) based on my own observations and research rather than something that’s more clearly defined as being coded as one or the other, especially since what happened to him was… not normal LMAO so there are some supernatural aspects as well that sort of make it its own /thing/

his motor functions are pretty normal for the most part aside from perhaps the occasional coordination issue, though i almost imagine that his six eyes/powers are automatically trying to overcompensate for such things?? which would in turn cause extra fatigue at the end of the day. but tbh that’s something i’m going to put more thought into!!

one of his biggest issues is with executive function/initiating tasks and making decisions. the cognitive impairments are what require reader’s prompting and assistance a lot of the time. however, reader is also potentially overcompensating (or lacking) in some areas as well simply because they haven’t been able to accurately gauge all of satoru’s capabilities yet and are overall not used to caring for someone at this level.

so while he is actually physically able to perform most tasks, the cognitive function isn’t quite there, nor are the memories on how to engage in certain tasks (probably mostly those with more steps/complications) without prompting and reminders. it can take his brain a little bit longer to calculate and process several things.

i just have this image in my head of reader pulling underwear over their pants or something while trying to demonstrate to him how to get dressed without having to fully intervene LMFAO since they are trying to maintain some modesty/distance at the moment. which… probably won’t last for long tbh because it’s not quite practical at this stage.

but there is maybe a little room for neurological improvement on his end! however, it is not my goal for the story to see that he is “fixed” or anything of the sort, nor do i want it to diminish his person. it’s a balancing act!

sorry i just rambled a lot skdjsjsnshdudidie but once again, thank you so much for reading and asking!!! discussions like these really help me understand my thoughts a lot better and i really enjoy hearing yours as well! it certainly helps keep the inspiration flowing rather than all of these little things getting trapped up in my mind lol 💖

[narwhalandchill]

(4.6 beta changes, rambles)

i am Not a TC so im just gonna skip any chance of embarrassing myself with any poorly aging (remember haitham beta changes and the outrage at those? Yea.) "omg they ruined her" feelscrafty doomposter takes regarding the new arle kit changes like. its fine

However. they did just. make her go from a "free infuse and self heal on E" type of unit (=comfy in overworld etc) to an. "ult on cooldown every rotation if you want self heals and a functional rotation" and "30s cooldown in overworld for infusion if no ult". when her element is pyro. and its like hhhhhhhhhhhh im sure. im sure. she might still function without being pyro batteried by We All Know Who . if you build enough ER. if everyone else is on fav. but idk

like im gonna keep my mouth shut and wait for actual TCs to assess how this actually changes things for arlecchino and in what manner her priorities have shifted as an unit but what seems clear to me is that. she will need energy. and shes not about to take bennett from childe for abyss so. lol. lmao, even

and now by integrating her ult to her gameplay loop in this manner i cant even be like. hey at least she could still be a fun overworld unit who doesnt care for ult to just run around with anymore 😔

unironically i feel like if the pyro archon somehow miraculously becomes the buffer + battery bennett sidegrade that arle needs then id kinda just rather pick that up first in order to actually enable playing her at her best and just pull arle on rerun instead 💀💀💀 but the way theyre clearly pushing for her playstyle to play (ha) out with the Q on cd and the energy demands that come with it + the clear push for NA spam with the E cd reduction on normals. which in turn incentivizes interruption res (that they obviously put on c1. like of course) so she isnt juggled out of that NA spam. its just coming together in a way that im unsure if it rly appeals to me in her current state especially considering what support synergies it pushes for arle.

like its not dehya 2 shes going to be strong and have good damage obviously im just not too sure if this type of unit is rly a priority for me to pull and it suckssss but i cant help being just. whelmed. with it all. for now. feels bad w how much i love her design and animations and characters but pyro onfielder in her current state rly isnt doing it for me im afraid

...guess chiori c2 is rly starting to look like the best thing to go for😭😭

(& shes c1r1 already now + i have a guarantee again after a c6 jean wjkjkdjkwdjkdjdw dont ask. a mystery occured. im going for her c6 over her next reruns anyway so its all according to the plan.)

[the-scottish-art-guy]

You wanted to play a disabled character but gave them a magical prosthetic and painkiller that takes all the pain away - so you arent really playing a disabled character anymore.

So I've sat with this ask for about a week and I am choosing to take it in good faith. Sorry if this is poorly worded but Im about to finish my lunch break so I wanted to answer this then get to work. Disclaimer: If I had done what you are suggesting and erased my characters disability that would be my choice. Im a disabled man and this isn't a tv show or hollywood film - its my friends dnd game where a bit of wish fulfillment is very much acceptable. Nobody should feel bad about this kind of thing.

Disclaimer two: having accomodations does not erase a disability. People are not magically not disabled anymore just because they can manage their symptoms. Finally, you have a fundamental misunderstanding of who Mask is, what his disabilities are and how he manages them. (Which is fine because I am not sure how detailed I've gone - people are here for art not my character stuff). When I pitched Mask to my GM we had a lot of conversations of what exactly I wanted out of him and what my GM wanted functionally within his world. I wanted to play a character with a fantasy reflection of my condition: without going into detail I am prone to injury and many injuries I do sustain do not normally heal properly - resulting in chronic pain and loss of mobility. Mask is cursed so that when he is injured in areas of his body effected by the curse, those injuries do not heal. In the past this caused him to seek amputation of his arm due to the severity of its condition. Since then he has started taking a painkiller daily, and has mechanical prosthetics. I specifically did not want those to be a cure all. Although Mask's prosthetic hand does function with full mobility, it is not quite as dexterous as his real hand used to be. He spent years learning to favour his left hand, and learning to use the prosthetic once it was attatched. The prosthetic is clockwork and requires daily maintance, and failure to keep up with this maintance can cause it to jam or 'lag' as the internal mechanisms run down. The prosthetic has also been marked as a point of 'weakness' by intelligent enemies - thus the art from a while ago where someone had cast 'heat metal' on parts of it. (It has its perks too, he has a crossbow concealed inside it and can use it to smuggle small objects in the casing). Mask is addicted to his pain medication. He could come off it and seek help from a cleric to allieviate his symptoms until the addiction clears his symptoms. He sees no reason to do that since without some form of strong pain relief he can't think clearly through the fog chronic pain causes. During game I've had to consider these accomodations. If we're going on a multi-day quest I need to have mask acquire and bring enough medicine for the trip. He needs to take time daily to change his bandages and maintain his arm, and is often one of the first to call for a rest when we've been travelling for long periods so he can do that. I like this character a lot, and how he tries to accomodate his own needs is part of that.

[roughentumble]

.

also like im sorry. but the first time i heard the term "landback" and didnt know exactly what it entailed, i googled it, and the first thing i found said that its a term that no one really agrees how it should be enacted, or what it encompasses, or what it could entail precisely.

so yes. if you want to have an effective discussion about land back, you have to specifically talk about the version of it that you have in mind when you're advocating for it. because no one can agree on exactly what it looks like. and its different for every tribe and every area and even then there's still discussion within the tribe. which is fine! but it means there's no clear conversation to be had if youre not specific and you dont explain.

and im for land back!!! in all situations!! all of those different variables, im for all of them!!! but you literally cant be mad when someone says "ive never heard of that before, what would it mean for my daily life". would the laws change? the taxes? we dont trust cops around here, but what would it mean for fire fighter response? what about local government? who would i call for zoning issues, or is that not relevant to me once i've taken part in land back?

these arent malicious questions. these are normal questions to ask about how a massive shift would work. i dont care if youve gone over it with people in the community, people OUTSIDE the community havent heard the discussions. go over it with them so they understand what would happen. I THINK IT SHOULD HAPPEN. IT'S STILL GOOD TO DISCUSS LOGISTICS

god, the same shit happens with complete prison abolition, where people get so annoyed when you ask "what would society look like without prisons and how would we deal with crime and genuine harm done to others?"

they jump to saying "it isnt dealt with now! there's only 1% of rapists in prison, there's only [x]% of abusers, the recidivism rates, the way prison is a den of abuse for the people in it" and like yes i agree with those points. but also no matter what you say, people will hear 1% and go "but 1% is a better chance of being saved if im on the receiving end of extreme violence, than 0% in a system that does nothing". they!!! are always going to go with the devil they know!!! if the alternative is completely in the dark!!!!

"what is the alternative to prisons" is always, in my experience seeing these conversations leak out into public internet discourse, to say "well, there's just so many options, and we're still discussing in the community--" stop. stop. that will never ever ever work. that will never convince anyone.

1) you never stop doing [x social thing] without any solid clearly defined agreed upon plan for the alternative. you just dont. 2) that doesnt encourage anyone to look for more information, it makes it sound like there is no solid alternatives period, 3) just!! say!!! what you think!!!! just say "well there arent any solid plans yet, but i personally like [x method] and [y method]", because that gives people a foothold. that gives them the context to start understanding the argument, the alternative that is being presented, it gives them a broad image of what to picture for a prisonless society and how it might function. that is an archetype WE DONT CURRENTLY HAVE, so you have to paint them a picture so they can start to imagine. so that they have some place to start looking. some concept they can start to research on and expand from there.

most people dont know what a prison-less society or land back looks like. im sorry its annoying to explain it a lot. but they dont know. if you want to do outreach, paint a picture. tell them what it means. get into logistics.

the moment you step outside your community to talk to people outside it, you are doing outreach. so look into how to do it well, how to get people on your side, and how to introduce concepts to people who have never heard of it before.

[whoisfrosty]

just a silly headcanons about how my favorite bys characters write the text messages (with modern phones):

pete. pete writes many separate, small messages with mistakes. often he forgets about the "edit message" function and ends up trying to write the correct word in subsequent messages, which causes endless spam. pete also likes to send funny, cute and cool, in his opinion, videos, especially to tony. for example, how his pet dogs play with each other, or a video, where pete shows what a cool toys he built from lego

"hey tony"

"hows are you"

"ho w"

"how are your"

"how are you doung"

"i mean doing"

"im fine"

"i built one cool"

"cool toy"

"want me to show you"

"???"

tony. tony writes just like usual people from our time? i think. he uses a lot of short versions of words, words from the lexicon, and most likely looks up a lot of cool phrases from the internet to sound "cool" and "modern". most often tony writes medium or large messages, because he's very talkative and goes into too much detail. he uses text emojis

"heya wheelie ;) oh im great slick. feelin super good ngl. my old man the big tony (you know him it's my dad) made some delicious chocolate cranberry L size milkshake just for me after my bowling game. 3 strikes at a time can you believe it? my arm is gettin even stronger than before das for sure! >:D last time i played i had only 1 strike (lame i know) but i improved. its not so unbelievable tho i trained really hard you know. so yeah i expected my success today. anowhoo lets stop about me for a little while i want to see this lego thing of yours. then after it i can tell you more about my bowling success. you'll be shocked! :)"

angela. angela writes more competently than her big brother. she doesn't forget punctuation marks, writes messages that are quite normal in size, tries not to go into too much unnecessary details, and in general angela is a very good person to chat with, from whose message you don’t want to either turn off notifications on your phone or just ask to write more clearly. but, like tony, she sometimes uses words from the lexicon and abbreviations. loves to use emojis

"hiya, reese. whatcha doin'? ☺️ we haven't written to each other for a long time, maybe something happened to ya? don't be shy, you know i don't tell other people's secrets, not like my foolish brother 😒

speaking of which, he screwed up so badly at the bowling alley today, omg! i'll tell you more details, if you wanna. it's a pure comedy, that's fo' sure! 😂"

and reese. he writes small messages using polysyllabic, "smart" and rarely used words by other people. basically, reese doesn't like to write text messages, he prefers more live communication, because this way reese can see and feel all the emotions of the person. live conversation is much more interesting, isn't it?

"Good day to you too, Angela. Please, don't be so worry about my persona, i'm doing quite fine. The problem is, i caught a light cold not so long time ago - this is why i didn't texted you. But now i feel great. What about a little walk right now? During it, you can tell me another story about Tony's permanent failures."

[ankhisms]

painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society

yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Yesterday I was asked by a nurse to clarify if I have "mild" autism.

9hrs after the encounter I came up with the comeback of "Mild? No way. I have hot autism, obviously."

[lilyclawthorne]

Escaping Expulsion Thoughts (once again very stream of conscious-like while i rewatched the episode so there’s a bunch of stuff here)

i fucking knew odalia was gonna be an oracle, i knew and i hate that for her family. i’m not sure if this necklace thing is specifically a form of oracle magic or not but im assuming it is, and either way the second i saw it happen that made my stomach twist. the fact that she just keeps this direct line to her daughter at all times feels so disturbing

so, i get that the joke with glyph lessons here is that eda and lilith are probably acting the exact same way they did when they were younger, but it does also feel a little odd for me. in my post for episode 1 i talked about how it felt like lilith probably missed the structure of the coven, and maybe even having an authority figure, and it does concern me a bit that it could be projected on to luz here. 

also, i saw someone mention that they thought lilith could be regressing a bit, which is interesting seeing as she’s been in the coven since basically being a child and now that she’s out, she could be going backwards because that was probably the last time she had a personality of her own instead of one that was carefully crafted to be socially acceptable for others. and to be fair, the few moments in season 1 when we see glimpses into the true lilith, she is pretty childish.

anyways lilith has such pretty handwriting i love it

gus!! witch puberty!! do not worry buddy eda will get your name eventually. probably.

amity went out and murdered those fairies for luz didn’t she

i need to know why the heck bump has no choice in the matter of the expulsion. typically a pta (or pca in this case) wouldn’t have power that much stronger than the principa?? so i wonder if the blights have something over bump, or if its even just something such as donation money they’d withdraw

odalia blight you gaslighting bitch “I’m appalled you’re not in class right now what are you thinking” YOU MADE HER COME HERE

PLEASE i know gus and willow are sad here but the whole “live off the land” thing and “water you one last time, with my tears” are so fucking funny ok

GO LUZ, YOU TELL OFF ODALIA

i feel like alador doesn’t really care what’s going on and just wants to be back home making his abomination inventions, also he seems to have an affinity for different creatures as well which is an interesting detail

i love that willow stated they would get back in on their own right in front of alador and odalia. these people fucked up her friendship and caused her a lot of trouble that she shouldn’t have had to deal with so i love that she’s unafraid to speak like that in front of them

between the first & second episode, and some of the seasons trailer, it seems like Lilith may have an affinity for ice magic? which is interesting seeing as eda was always a fan of her “spicy toss” aka some fire magic. interesting to see the two of them as fire & ice basically

i LOVE how much bump loves luz, willow, and gus. it’s kinda really sweet, but again it feels so concerning that he had no choice in the matter. makes me think he’s more likely to eventually rebel against the standards that have been in place for so long at some point. (also abominations coven for bump!! interesting!! i appreciate seeing the coven marks included on the adults so far)

what is it with these kids and being dragged off by their hoods in this episode

love that the blights address includes “right arm”, also i took a quick look up of the word “bruegal” which is boulevard they live on, and it’s probably just a coincidence but the first google result was actually for a european think tank that specializes in economics

yknow i actually have wondered about layering glyphs on top of each other and making a super glyph the way eda did, so good to know that would NOT work out

luz you’re really gonna give the blights their own flowers??????

it goes by so fast but please take a moment to take in and appreciate the design of that blight entry room/living room-esque area and it’s combination of abomination and oracle decor. also the blight family portrait.

i could talk about alador and odalia and their relationship dynamic here, when luz is meeting with them, but i think it’s best to save for the end, but i will say i don’t think it’s just odalia controlling everything (though she does control a lot) and alador just suffering and being silent. 

the more i stare at odalia’s hair the more i feel like she has an odd receding hairline

love that the abomination kept the cat shape luz gave it and that amity knew immediately from that

WILLOW’S DADS!!! I LOVE THEM! I love how much they want their daughter to have a great education even if they have to be the ones to do it! (even if it could come across as a little intense) Although, the fact that they’re prepared to teach plant magic to her makes me question why they put her in abominations once again. (wish we could’ve gotten a glimpse of their coven marks!)

odalia is definitely the one who handles more of the parenting and alador is more distant. at least that’s what i get based on the twins specifying to amity not to tell their mom specifically

absolutely insane that odalia is just letting the abomiton destroy the whole place to kill a child

“stay away from my luz!” oh my god,ohmy GOD 

i like how lilith can’t tell if these are normal noises or distress ones. really sums up life in the owl house. also lilith? kicking doors in?? this combined with “I AM A WITCH, UNHINGED” tells me she’ll be as chaotic as the rest of the owl house in no time and i am here for it.

the music when amity jumps in to protect luz is absolutely killing it here i need a soundtrack now

YES AMITY DESTROY THE NECKLACE (and oh god please don’t let odalia give you something even harder to remove or destroy)

Luz is blushing!! The feelings are starting to be returned!!!

“Luz, Willow, and Gus are my friends!” love it. love the open declaration. love that she’s telling her mother off. love that i have something to check off my bingo board already.

okay, i know a lot of people have already suggested that alador is smiling here because he can tell luz and amity like each other, but i’m pretty sure it’s only because he’s noticing how much amity’s magic has grown and improved

small detail but i love the smoke from the units order sign filling the background while odalia is fuming herself

oh? alador has had the ability to tell odalia off and successfully calm her down this whole time? and chose not to use it till now? yeah he sucks too. he very clearly has a plan for amity as much as odalia does as well, but he’s much better at seeing the long-term goal

“the glyph combo, copyright me, lilith” im screaming, lilith you DORK

ok i really wish eda or lilith asked where luz had been. i’d kill for these sisters to go off about how much they hated the alador and odalia in school, as well as threaten to hurt them for hurting luz.

the statue lilith made and her reaction to the gold star she received re-emphasizes my concern about her need for approval and for an authority figure. (ok but her noise at the gold star WAS very cute tho)

alright lets get down to business on the blight parents. so far i definitely do not view their relationship as being one-sided with odalia in control. honestly, i think they do have a sense of mutual respect for the other. to me it seems like all alador really wants to do is focus on his work and nothing else, and odalia seems not only more than happy to let him do so, but willing to take care of everything else the company needs, and he seems fine with that and going along with whatever because he only has to do his part. and clearly his abomination tech combined with her showmanship/advertising (and honestly probably some oracle magic) has clearly made them successful. 

so what im saying is that i think their power in their relationship is actually pretty balanced, if it looks otherwise that’s just because that’s how they best function together, with odalia being more forward and alador being more distant, and therefore they’re very much both to blame for shitty parenting. 

also I know some people have joked about the blight family name coming from odalia (which is also a dumb joke like why is it funny if the family name comes from the woman and not the man) but anyways I definitely do think blight is aladors family name and odalia married in simply because he takes the whole blights keep up their end of the deal thing much more seriously than odalia. probably something that’s been taught to him since he was a kid yknow, whereas she was super ready to ignore it when it inconvenienced her.

as for the very final scene with them and the golden guard, i had an interpretation of it that i saw, but it seems that everyone else ive see react to it so far saw something different than me so maybe i’m just plain wrong. but like, i have this feeling that maybe the blight parents, while they do want power, might not be as aligned with the emperor and his coven as we may think?? not saying they’re good people, just that there could be more going on here. but idk, i’ve seen no one else interpret it that way yet so i won’t go off about it unless either someone wants to know more of what i thought or if i ever actually make myself get around to making a separate post about it. 

[galactichelium]

ahh sorry if this is kinda intruding but i wanted to add my thoughts to your post abt passing as neurotypical. rant following:

i have adhd, and although im unsure if im actually autistic, i do have a lot of overlap w my adhd and i also have other problems like a relatively severe anxiety disorder-- i have inattentive type adhd and ive been masking since a really young age, so we didnt even know i have adhd until fairly recently in the grand scheme of things, which opened my eyes to the reason why i struggled. i struggled (and still do) a lot with homework, focusing, staying on task, but because i present really nt and normal looking and omly struggle when i have no one keeping me on task (like being in a school setting. this was something i realized really impacted me when we had an all remote year.) most people didnt think i needed extra help. and yeah, i am mostly capable on my own, and decently intelligent, but teachers and school staff only cared when it was impacting my school performance. since passing as neurotypical made me appear like a normal, honour roll worthy student, they didnt even wonder if i struggled until my grades tanked during an all remote year, or my separation anxiety spiked during 3rd grade and i left early a lot during the school day. and i guess my point is just, like, it fucking sucks that nd kids who aren't visibly neurodivergent, or function well on their own, are suddenly like..exempt from having help. in 5th grade when i was assigned to the homeroom teacher that often got special ed kids, we were just happy because she was a really nice lady --but secretly i think the school thought i really was special ed, and just didnt have any paperwork, so just to be safe, they put me with an experienced teacher who handles a lot of struggling kids (a precaution made because id had 2 rough years prior). the school seemed really to only bother caring with that once it affected me -- because otherwise i was clearly fine on my own. and i guess partially, like, we just didnt even know i had adhd at the time, but it still sucks a decent deal that all because i looked normal and acted mostly normal, no one even tried doing anything. my brother, when he was a student at the same school, had to be tested for adhd because he struggled with schoolwork -- and then when i came along, (afab), all i was was a good, albeit quiet, student who struggled occasionally.

like. absolutely i think nd folks should be treated as capable -- we totally are! -- but also just. we need help sometimes. and its so sucky that we dont always have access to that, all because we Look Normal. hfhdjfhsh sorry this was really rambly, you dont have to post or answer this ask, i just wanted you to know that like. big agree on your post.

Yeah it's cool don't worry :O!

Seems like we had problems that were similar in some ways but different in others. Like for example, you said your school was pretty sure you needed special ed, whereas my school was the main one insisting that I didn't need it. My parents did agree of course, but you know. Also I was diagnosed with autism when I was 2, so they definitely knew something was up. It was just that later on when I got better at hiding it, they started thinking I didn't need any help. When they saw me struggling, they thought I was just being lazy. I was, up until grade 9, barely passing with my grades, so I guess because I was still technically passing, they didn't seem to think it was anything worth doing something about. I don't even think I present THAT neurotypically, like, I was always bullied for being "weird". But I guess I pass well enough that I was frequently told by adults that I "didn't seem autistic". But yeah, masking is a huge part of it too, which I completely forgot to mention. Masking never completely hid everything for me to be fair (despite my efforts), but I definitely did hide the most autistic parts about myself.

But yeah. I think what went wrong with this line of faux-activism (aside from it Being faux-activism) abled people tried to do was that like... they became afraid of acknowledging that disabled people were still disabled. Like I mean this literally, I remember being told several times that I wasn't disabled, that I was "differently abled". They thought that it was somehow offensive to acknowledge that we struggle with things, due to ableism often being in the opposite direction, saying that disabled people can't do anything. Not to mention, they constantly speak on top of disabled people about their disabilities without even listening to us and think they're helping us by doing so.

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[agent-ccarter]

same room | sirius black

Summary: After you and Sirius break up, your friends keep you apart to stop arguments. (START OF SERIES)

Warnings: Angst!!!, Swearing maybe, blaspheming, cigarettes.

Pairing:  (I tried to make it a gender neutral reader!!) Y/N x MaraudersEra Girls, Y/N x Sirius 

same room | even if its a lie | please, let me get what I want 

(Can we just imagine Bill with long hair please cos tbh im really sick of using ben barnes as the face claim for Sirius 😂)

*****

When we can't even be in the same room My friends are making sure I don't see you I strategize a path to the bathroom So I don't walk past you

*****

There were days where Hogwarts felt cold and empty, regardless of the season. Where everything seemed bigger and more intimidating, the air was thicker and it was harder to breathe. And, no matter how much you curled up under your sheets, or snuggled up near the fireplace, it was impossible to break free of the unnerving feeling. Today was one of those days. The sun was remarkably bright for early December, and the light dusting of snow on the ground was quickly melted. 

“Come on, Y/N. Let’s move to the library, it seems like you’ve been on that sofa for days.’ You gave Lily a hard glare in response, shrugging the blanket over you shoulders.

“Stop moping.” Marlene was always a reliable source of hard truths, and today wasn’t an exception. She pulled the blanket from your arms and you moaned, grabbing after it.

“Off we go.”

“Lils, stop it-“ you fought back, struggling in the girls grip to no avail; she was deceptively strong, “Ok, ok I’m coming.”

If it was difficult to function in the common room, then it was almost unbearable outside. The portraits on the walls seemed to gossip almost as much as the other students, and the typically short walk to the library felt like hours away. You were sure you’d come across the boys at one point, as your friends formed a shield around you and started discussing things none of you had even mentioned before. 

“i’m not an idiot.” You broke the silence amongst the girls.

“What did you say?” You knew your statement carried power as Lily even removed her head from the potions book she hadn’t looked up  from for an hour. You’d will the tears from your eyes if there were any there, but you weren’t upset, you were bored. Logically, the breakup of yourself and Sirius would cause a rift in your tight knit group, you knew that, but you’d never expected this.

“I’m sick of it. I know, I know you guys are trying to help but this isn’t normal! Sirius and I have to put aside out differences, we can’t keep going on like the other doesn’t exist. And you can’t either! The boys are your friends too, it isn’t fair.”

“I don’t know, i’m quite enjoying the lack of attention from Potter.” Lily retorted, but the look you shared showed she was just trying to bring some humour. 

“I love you all. I know your’e trying to help. But this is between us two, we need to sort it out.” Marlene didn’t argue; she missed the boys, but especially Sirius, the two were practically inseparable. Lily, as much as she didn’t want to admitted, clearly missed the unwavering attention of James, and most importantly, you missed your friends. You missed the hours of conversation about books with Remus, the teasing from James, Peter’s kind nature. And god did you miss Sirius Black.

“I’m going for a walk.” Standing abruptly from your chair, you pulled your big red jumper over your head and started towards the door. Lily stood up behind you, but you heard Marlene say don’t and the redhead retaking her seat. 

Unsuprisingly, the Scottish winter air had turned even colder as the night, and when you sat, legs dangling over the edge of the astronomy tower you were sure you’d be stuck there till the weather warmed. Your breath was visible in the cold, and it was so eerie quiet you were sure the footsteps behind you would echo all the way across the lake. 

When Sirius sat beside you, a content silence filled the air, and you realised this was the closest you’d been to each other without an argument or sheer awkwardness. He lit a cigarette between his fingers before flashing the box at you, taking one gratefully yourself. Sure, you could set something larger alight for more permanent warmth, but the tiny stick in your hands offered an appreciated reprieve from the cold.

“How are you?” You offered, in an attempt to diminish the silence. Your retort offered a scoff from the dark haired boy, whose face was covered by the huge mop of curly hair. If he’d have lifted his head, you’d be able to see the dark bags under his eyes that mimicked your own, the almost permanently tear stain cheeks and the slightly blood stained lips from his constant biting.

“We haven’t spoken in weeks and our first conversation begins with ‘How are you?’” His voice was more gravelly than usually, and as he spoke it almost sounded like his thought had been left red raw. Your brain almost crafted the word ‘Good’ in your thoughts buy you quickly shook it away. Yes, he’d hurt you, but it hurt you almost equally to hear him in such a bad way. 

“By all means, give it a try, Sirius.”

“I don’t know, you’ve always been better at keeping the conversation going, haven’t you?”

“Jesus,” you sighed under you breath, almost grimacing, “I don’t even know why I bothered, if you're going to be awful i’m just going to go.” You crushed you cigarette against the stone and went to stand, but his large hand rested against your thigh stopping you.

“I’m sorry, i'll stop.” He dropped his own cigarette before rubbing his hands on his face and resuming the slightly more uncomfortable silence. You stood, gripping the metal bars for balance and rested as you stood. 

You sighed heavily also, crossing your arms and resting you chin so you could just see him out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve known you since I was a child, Sirius. And ive known Reg just as long. I can’t,” you stopped to consider how you’d phrase your next statement, “I can’t apologise for something I never did. I’d say sorry if I had a reason to but I dont. It’s none of my business, but he is really struggling. He needs his friends, he needs a real fami-“

“Your right, Y/N. It isn’t any of you business,” He stood now too, towering over you. He seemed almost intimidating in this light, the black of his clothes completely dulling his figure, “he is my brother. Its nothing to do with you.”

“Well you certainly don’t act like it, do you? He’s my family too, your my family Sirius. God knows we’ve been more like family than the real thing. But no, it’s fine, I can see where i’m not wanted.”

Sirius sighed, reaching for the cigarettes that you quickly batted from his hand, “No its not tha-“

“Yes it is, we gave it a go, but it didn’t work. Everyone told us we’d be great but they were wrong, we were miserable then and we are miserable now. We ruined a perfectly good thing and that’s what hurts the most.” Letting out an exasperated sigh, you noticed the sky finally lit part of Sirius’ face, the light casting a glare over his eyes and cheek. You held your hand up and rested lightly on his face. He sunk into your hand like an animal being pet, and your thumb ran gently over his almost translucent skin. The air was still as you both didn’t dare to let out even single breath. 

You pulled it back quickly, linking them both in front of you.

“Can we at least be friends?” The air stilled again as he considered the answer, and if the light wasn’t on his face you were sure you’d have missed the nod of his head. He didn’t offer anything more, didn’t even look at your face. 

“Thanks for the cigarette.”

*****

It don't matter Everyone wants an explanation And I don't know what to say anymore

*****

A/N: The song from this fic is Same Room by JP Saxe. Hope you enjoyed, ill update the next part soon.

[another-dr-another]

:0 enter the locker rooms!!

Mekaru - The bracelets are probably in the guys locker room, right?

Mekaru - So should I just get a head start on looking at the pool?

Maeda - That sounds good!

Kobashikawa - actually id say check the girls locker room too

Kobashikawa - no way of predicting how the groups would split up

Kobashikawa - and lo and behold, two girls got grouped together

Kobashikawa - so they wouldnt b able to get the bracelets unless tsurugi found a way to get them into the girls locker room

Maeda - Which, knowing him, he probably managed somehow.

Mekaru - Oh true... so I'll poke around in there then!

Mekaru - If you two finish in your locker room before I'm done, just knock and I'll head out!

Maeda - Wouldn't you rather investigate, look for a way out?

Mekaru - Not... really feeling too hot, so I'm not sure I'll find anything others won't...

Mekaru - It'll all be okay without me looking too much!

Kobashikawa - its fine if u need to go rest mekaru...

Mekaru - Don't worry! I've powered through way worse, I'll be fine!

~*~ [Lockers]

Maeda, narrating - They seem to be standard gym-sized lockers.

Maeda - At least, based off of what I've seen on TV...

Maeda - These are about twice the size of what was in my schools locker room.

Maeda - Used to have a hard time fitting my change of clothes into there...

Maeda - Not that I'm ever gonna reveal that to my classmates though. They don't need anything else to use against me.

Maeda - Anyways, they seem to be locked. None of them are open, and I don't think I'd be able to guess the combo for the lock.

~*~ [Benches]

Maeda - Just normal benches.

Maeda - Metal benches feel a bit rough for the pool locker room, wouldn't they be really cold?

Maeda - ...Not that I'd really sit down in a locker room. Kinda grosses me out, yknow?

Maeda - Is... that weird of me to say?

~*~ [Showers]

Maeda - I never really understood  why you're supposed to rinse off before getting in the pool.

Maeda - Which is odd, considering how grossed out I felt whenever I saw someone not do it.

Maeda - ...Also, would it kill them to have curtains consistently put up instead of just sectioning off a few shower heads?

Maeda - Not the biggest fan of my body, and don't really trust some of my classmates to not make comments...

~*~ [Kobashikawa]

Kobashikawa - find anything?

Maeda - Not really... looks like all the lockers are shut tight.

Maeda - Hopefully Mekaru is having better luck, and the bracelets are hidden in the same spot in both rooms...

Kobashikawa - hopefully mekarus okay... she rlly seems off to me

Maeda - Mmm... hopefully it's just... yesterday, getting to her.

Kobashikawa - ?

Maeda - Like, she's just feeling nauseous because of the trauma from yesterday, and that's it.

Kobashikawa - makes sense... you doing alright?

Maeda - Huh?

Maeda - Uh... I think I'm fine, yeah... just thrown off some because I remember Kurokawa planning the exorcism and everything,

Maeda - So her suddenly dying right before that was supposed to happen has me a bit paranoid.

Kobashikawa - yeah, then there's her and uehara getting hurt...

Kobashikawa - kinda wish id asked inori more about the whole... brain issue thing

Kobashikawa - but no sense crying for what you can't have ig

Kobashikawa - im gonna climb up on some of the lockers to get a better view of this place

Kobashikawa - would u mind checking for the bracelets under the benches?

Maeda - Got it...

Maeda - Hey, do you think we could find anything in the lockers, if we could open them?

Maeda - I know you can't reply right now, sorry... but just think about it;

Maeda - Clearly, somethings up here, what with there being no other students.

Maeda - I saw tons of people on my way into the school, and now there's just no one? I don't trust it...

Maeda - So I almost wonder if there's anything in the lockers that could help us, any notes, or maybe a working phon-

Maeda - Actually, Kobashikawa, didn't you mention having your phone?

Kobashikawa - uhhhhh? when?

Maeda - When I first met you, I thought I remembered...

Kobashikawa - oh! yea i talk abt my phone on my card, but i went to check my bag for it at one point, i think when i talked to tsurugi,

Kobashikawa - and i couldnt find it.

Maeda - Oh... ah well, I'm sure even if we had a functioning phone, Monokumas found a way to keep us from contacting anyone.

Kobashikawa - yea...

Kobashikawa - maeda, go hop up on the bench in the corner, i think i see the bracelets on top of the lockers there

Maeda - I-I'm sure I could reach them!

Kobashikawa - Really? I'm taller than you without my boots, but I don't even know I could get them.

Maeda - ...Maybe I misjudged how high up the top of the lockers are.

Kobashikawa - rip </3

-(Orange Bracelet Obtained)-

~*~ You have gained: 2 Monocoins

Maeda - Well, other than the locker thing, we didn't find anything that could help...

Kobashikawa - yea but at least there's still other rooms

Maeda - And other people looking... let's go get Mekaru, and check out the pool, see if there's anything there.

//Kobashikawa starts to write a reply, but before Maeda can read it...

??? 1 - B-be careful!

??? 2 - Shhh! Just don't drop me!

??? 1 - I'm trying, but I don't want you to get hurt!

??? 2 - It's not a big fall!

//Kobashikawa and Maeda turn to look questioningly at each other, before heading to the pool door.

~*~

Maeda, narrating - Was that...?

Maeda - I should probably grab Mekaru now, but they might've already caught her attention.

{Knock on the Girls Locker Room Door}

[See Whose Voices You Heard]

[goth-surana]

Different Violence: Chapter 3

Main pairing: Anders/Male Hawke

Main Tags: hurt/comfort, whump, aftermath of torture

Chapter 3/3 

Summary: They stayed like that for a long time, and Hawke tried not to cry again. He had almost lost this. If those Templars hadn’t been afraid of retribution from the Champion, he would have lost this. Every day, because of who Anders was, he could lose this. 

Read on AO3 or below the cut

Hawke woke up the next morning with his head resting on Anders’ chest. He panicked for a moment, realizing that he was leaning on his injuries. But when Hawke pulled away, he was met with the sight of unmarred skin.

Anders was looking down at him, awake but still looking weary.

“You’ve healed,” Hawke said as he sat up.

“My magic came back in the middle of the night. Couldn’t sleep much, so I just took off the bandages. Justice is back too, and he sure had a lot to say. Lots of yelling.”

“Not at you, I hope,” said Hawke. Hawke was on good terms with Justice now, even considered him a friend on the few occasions they talked, but he knew the spirit could be unfairly demanding sometimes.

“No, not at me,” said Anders. “He was upset by what happened. He didn’t really know what was going on, only that I had been subdued and poisoned.”

Hawke ran a hand over one pectoral, remembering all too clearly what that skin had looked like yesterday. It was kind of amazing how it was just… gone. But it was also still there in the tired look on Anders’ face. Even healing couldn’t completely wash away what had happened.

“I’d like a bath, I think,” Anders said with a forced smile. He got up quickly and headed away, followed by Hawke.

Anders pulled one of Hawke’s house robes around himself as he waited for the tub to fill. Hawke was sometimes still in awe of the advanced plumbing living in hightown afforded him.

After the tub was filled, Anders took a seat on a stool and stuck his hands in the lukewarm water, casting a heating spell.

This was all so normal, Hawke couldn’t help but think. This could have just been another lazy morning.

But it wasn’t. Why was Anders acting like it was? But what else could they do? How could they even begin to address the nightmare of the past two days?

“Join me?” Anders asked after the water was hot. Hawke nodded and undressed, and slipped into the warm water behind Anders.

Anders let out a contented sigh and slid down until only his head and the top of his shoulders weren’t submerged, leaning back against Hawke. Hawke brought his arms around his lover in an embrace, once again feeling the healed skin. Skin he knew had been cut and bleeding mere hours before.

Hawke pulled Anders even closer instinctively, stroked a hand down his arm under the water.

They stayed like that for a long time, and Hawke tried not to cry again. He had almost lost this. If those Templars hadn’t been afraid of retribution from the Champion, he would have lost this. Every day, because of who Anders was, he could lose this.

Hawke could manage to forget that sometimes, when things went right for long enough. Events like the past days shattered that illusion. This was so fragile it hurt.

Before the water got cold Hawke offered to wash Anders’ back and hair, just wanting to touch him more and feel that he was okay. As he ran the washcloth over his skin he kept imagining the blood, the damage. Hawke’s hand glided over a shoulder where a particularly nasty gash had once been.

That was over now.

Anders sat still while Hawke worked shampoo into his hair, massaging his scalp. His shoulders were relaxed at first, until Hawke accidentally caught his hand on a knot and pulled his head a bit too hard.

Hawke felt Anders flinch away and he dropped his hands immediately.

Anders hunched in on himself, took a long breath. Hawke couldn’t see his face, but his body language told enough.

“Love?” Hawke asked, wanting to reach out and touch but knowing that was a bad idea.

“S-sorry,” Anders muttered. “That just… reminded me. They, uh, pulled my hair near the beginning.”

Another new detail. Suddenly the warm bath felt stifling, the heat almost nauseating.

“Continue?” Anders asked, turning to face Hawke with a tired smile. He was trying to brush it off, and Hawke wouldn’t let him.

“Not if that could make you think of that night.”

“Please, Hawke,” Anders asked, pleaded almost. He scooted back and turned in Hawke’s lap, a hand gripping his thigh.

“I need this. I need this to be normal. Just… it felt nice, you washing my hair. I don’t want to have to change what I do because of what happened.”

Hawke considered the man in front of him, could see the stress written across his tired face. Anders was exhausted, clearly in need of the comfort and touch of another.

Hawke would never deny him that, so he nodded in agreement. But even as Hawke continued to lather the shampoo and pause to stroke his lover’s shoulders, he couldn’t help but think Anders would not get his wish. It wouldn’t be normal, and wouldn’t be for a while.

Hawke hoped to the Maker that Anders was right and that he could just let what happened to him slide off like water. Hawke hoped Hawke was wrong.

—————————

Hawke was right. Unfortunately. The next incident happened a few weeks later when Anders had long since returned to his clinic and adventuring with Hawke.

Hawke, Isabela, Anders and Fenris were walking through Hightown on the way to a meeting with a noble contact.

It had been a pleasant walk until the clattering of armor echoed through the streets. Before any of them could react, a whole group of Templars rudely shoved them all to the side as they headed out.

“Bastards!” Isabela called after them, signing something vulgar.

Hawke was about to agree with her, when he saw Anders start walking towards a nearby alley. His footsteps were weak, and before Hawke could get to him he collapsed to his knees.

“Love?” Hawke asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He was trembling, he was breathing too fast.

“Anders,” Hawke said, sliding into his field of vision. Anders looked up at him with wide eyes, then crumbled within himself and clutched his hands to his chest.

“Fuck,” he muttered weakly. “I’m- im fine. I just… can’t seem to… to breathe right.”

Hawke waited by Anders’ side until his breathing evened out. The other two didn’t say a word, and neither did Anders all the way to the meeting.

Hawke could tell Anders was still upset when they walked home. His face was sullen, embarrassed.

The two men entered the living room and Hawke gestured for Anders to sit on the couch with him. He did, but looked even more nervous.

“You’re going to ask about what happened today,” Anders said plainly, an air of resigned finality to his voice.

“…well, yes. But I know what happened. I just need you to know that I’ll be here if you want to talk about it.”

“That obvious, then?” Anders asked sardonically. He fiddled with his hands in his lap, looking anywhere but at Hawke. “The others didn’t just think Justice was losing it even more?”

“That’s not what you look like when Justice takes over,” Hawke told him gently. “And do you really wish they had thought that?”

“It’s better than them seeing me being… being afraid of Templars!” Anders said this with an air of incredulity, a deep frustration evident.

Hawke honestly didn’t know how Anders hadn’t been afraid of Templars before. And he also knew this wasn’t normal, rational fear anyway.

“I know you’re not afraid of them,” Hawke said, placing a hand on Anders’ hands clasped together in his lap.

“But… but I was,” Anders whispered harshly. He was trying not to cry. Hawke wished he felt free to feel emotions around him, even unpleasant ones.

“I was…in that moment I was afraid. It was the sound of their armor, the feeling of it against me. I don’t even know what came over me. It was like…” Anders took a deep breath. “I was like back in the Deep Roads.”

Hawke remembered that all too well, the pure panic Anders had gone through when Bartrand slammed the doors on them and left them for dead.

Hawke knew the man didn’t handle the dark well, nor enclosed spaces. Hawke hated that he had lived in Darktown for so long, and had relished being able to move him into his spacious manor.

“It was like when you’re anxious about the dark,” Hawke told him. “That’s okay, and this is okay.”

“It is not! I need to be fighting the Templars, I can’t run from them! I can’t just stop functioning when one appears.”

Anders looked bloody miserable, his head hung low and his eyes reddening.

There was a deep coiled anger directed at himself that had the man snared.

Hawke pulled Anders against him, into his lap, and just held on. Anders went willingly, rested his head in the crook of Hawke’s neck. Small breaths ghosted against his skin, and Hawke soothed an arm up and down Anders’ back.

“It’ll be okay,” Hawke told him. “You likely won’t have this reaction forever. You know how I used to freeze on the battlefield when an ogre showed up?”

He felt Anders nod.

“I don’t anymore, but it took me some time to not just go right back to when Carver died. It’s not rational, it’s just our minds. Think of it like a wound. No one is any lesser for having a wound.”

Anders sighed. “Wounds, I can heal.”

“You’ll heal this too,” Hawke assured him. “Not as fast as you’re used to, for sure, but it will heal nonetheless. Give yourself time, love.”

It had only been two weeks. If Hawke had his way, Anders would still be staying in the manor all day and doing less dangerous things. Hawke didn’t give a damn that the physical wounds had healed, he knew no one could just brush off what happened and he had been right.

Hawke could see the toll that night had taken on Anders, even if Anders refused to admit it. Even in the next few weeks he was jumpier than normal, stayed even farther away from Templars.

As Hawke had said before, he no longer took Anders to meetings with Meredith. Hawke’s temper became even shorter with the woman, he could barely see her self-righteous face without wondering if she knew about what happened to Anders and if she approved.

Unfortunately, that last question was answered in one such meeting.

Hawke had taken Fenris, Varric, and Isabela with him. This was usually who he brought because Aveline was always busy and Merrill was too at risk. At risk of what, Hawke didn’t quite know, but that night had shaken the confidence he had in the protection his own status awarded his companions.

Meredith gave Hawke a thinly veiled order to investigate some more runaway mages suspected of blood magic, and Hawke accepted.

“And even if they are not blood mages,” Meredith finished with, “they are still apostates and you will bring them back this time.”

Hawke had a bit of a habit of only bringing to justice mages who were hurting people, often with blood magic. Meredith needed Hawke to appear on her side so the nobles didn’t get any funny ideas about how much Hawke despised her.

“What’s it to you, then?” Hawke asked, feeling his worsening temper getting the best of him. “You don’t send me out to actually catch these people, you do it to show you have me under your thumb.”

“And it may cease to work,” Meredith sneered, “with how you flaunt the company you keep. You ought to really keep them in check. You know well that their protection only extends to their lives.”

Hawke saw red. He stood up from his chair and slammed his hands on Meredith’s desk, startling his companions but not the woman herself.

“You knew!” Hawke accused her.

“After the fact, but yes,” Meredith said with a raised eyebrow.

“Keep your pet on a leash or we will have to muzzle him for you again.”

Hawke raised a fist but was dragged away by Fenris and Isabela. Meredith only smiled.

“Your other friends are wiser. Heed my words Hawke, you bring me those apostates or I won’t stop my men from making a repeat performance. They are very creative, as you saw.”

Hawke’s head was filled with pure rage all the way back to his mansion. He should have known she would approve. Meredith knew if the Templars killed Hawke’s lover that he would refuse to cooperate, but also knew that concern for Anders’ safety would also force that cooperation. Anders was a pawn in her game to control the city, and now she had been handed a way to keep Hawke in check without risking blowing the whole agreement away.

Beaten, tortured, but still alive. Hurt, but still there to threaten to hurt worse. Best of both worlds for their sick minds.

————————

Hawke couldn’t stand the sight of Templars. He had hated them before, but now “hate” was too soft a word.

“Worry” was also too soft a word for how he felt about Anders these days. Meredith’s threats still rang in his ears, and Anders still did missions for the underground.

He still helped even as his breath hitched at the sight of Templars. He was fine now, he insisted. The situation for mages was only growing more dire, he could not abandon his cause.

And lately Anders wasn’t even telling him when he went on these missions. One day Hawke had begged him to stop, told him of Meredith’s words. Anders had only responded that Hawke should stay away then, so Meredith didn’t see his involvement.

“I won’t get caught again,” Anders told Hawke. Hawke found that hard to believe, and every night Anders returned late his heart pounded with worry.

It was even more concerning, then, that one day Anders did ask for his help.

He told Hawke of one Templar’s plan to turn every mage tranquil, and proof was needed to convince anyone in power to stop it before it was already over.

“Why are you asking me for help now?” Hawke couldn’t help but ask.

Anders looked guilty, knowing how much Hawke had wanted to help in the past.

“This is too important for me to mess up, I need backup for this. We’ll need to use the tunnels to access the lowest level of the Gallows, which is where they often keep documents.”

Hawke agreed to help, even roped Isabela and Varric into the plan. If Anders was going on this dangerous mission, Hawke would bring more than just himself for protection. He also knew that if Anders got in trouble, he would move the earth to make sure he wasn’t left alone with the Templars again.

———————————

The mission was… not exactly a success. Justice had completely lost control, almost killing a young girl.

When Anders returned to himself, he ran before Hawke could say anything.

Hawke was slightly too late to respond, and lost track of Anders in the tunnels. The other man knew them better than Hawke.

Isabela and Varric offered to stay behind and look for any proof, which Hawke barely had time to be grateful for because all he could think about was finding Anders.

He went to the clinic first, then the mansion. Not there. Hawke’s heart was racing, he was wracking his mind for locations Anders might find refuge.

Eventually he gave up, his head pounding with worry and his knees about to give out. He had no idea where Anders was. He could be anywhere, anyone could have caught him, the Templars could have caught him and-

The door to the cellar creaked slightly. Hawke bolted to the kitchen, and standing there was Anders.

The man looked listless, lifeless almost but Hawke barely noticed because he was too busy throwing his arms around the man.

Hawke buried his face in the crook of Anders neck and clung tighter, eliciting no reaction. Anders wasn’t even hugging back, just standing there.

“Thank the fucking Maker,” Hawke breathed out. After a few more moments he stepped back, keeping his hands loosely on Anders’ arms. Anders was just staring at him, pale.

“I…” he croaked out, “I only came back to get my pillow. I’m - I’m leaving.”

“What?” Hawke asked, truly dumbfounded.

“I c-can’t stay here Hawke,” Anders told him, a slight tremble in his voice. Otherwise he sounded blank, tranquil almost. Hawke shivered, trying not to think on that too much.

“I almost killed that girl. I’m a monster, and I need to leave where I can’t hurt anybody else.”

The words sounded rehearsed, like he had told himself this a million times.

“You’re not a monster, Anders,” Hawke told him. “You came back in the end, the girl is fine and thanks to you she is free!”

“Only because of you,” said Anders, still shaking but lacking any inflection. His eyes were blotchy like he had been crying, but that was over now and all that was left was emptiness.

“Come here,” Hawke said as he led Anders away gently. The man followed listlessly.

Hawke sat them both down on a couch in the living room, then reached up to brush a strand of hair from Anders’ face. He cupped his cheek, and gave the man a warm smile.

Anders just stared, then looked away.

“I still need to leave,” he said quietly. “You can’t make me stay… you wouldn’t.”

Hawke’s heart sank. “You’re right, I would never make you do anything. But please don’t go.”

It was all Hawke could think to say. Anders was silent for a long while, and the only noise in the room was the crackling of the fireplace. The light danced over Anders’ skin, caught his blonde hair. Even in his misery he looked ethereal.

“You’re spiraling,” Hawke told him gently. “You do this sometimes, remember? It won’t be as bad tomorrow.”

“It will,” replied Anders. “I still will have lost control of Justice. I thought I could keep him at bay, but… he couldn’t stand seeing Alrik again. I could barely- I thought I could handle s-seeing Alrik again…”

Anders was trembling harder, trying to fight back his emotions. Trying to fight back the very reaction Hawke had seen too many times since that night.

Hawke’s stomach dropped, and a chill went throughout his entire body.

“You-“ Hawke started, then had to stop. “You said you just had a “run in” with Alrik.”

This couldn’t be. Hawke hadn’t just walked Anders into a fight with-

Anders would have told him that-

Anders shook his head. “I didn’t want you to worry,” he said numbly. “The mission was too important, I had to try. I thought I could handle it.”

Hawke reached forward and pulled Anders into his arms, resting the man’s head on his shoulder and taking a deep breath.

It had been him. That man in the tunnels had tortured Anders. Hawke had come face to face with the man responsible and he hadn’t even known it.

At least he had the image of Justice ripping the man’s head from his body. At least Alrik died a gruesome death for what he did. For what he did to a lot of mages, it turned out.

“Let’s go to bed,” Hawke said. “You and I both need sleep.”

“I have to leave,” Anders said again, as numb as the first time.

“No you don’t. Not tonight. Tomorrow you can decide, but… please just stay for tonight.”

Anders nodded into Hawke’s shoulder. Hawke breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t even want to entertain the idea that he could not convince Anders to stay.

Even if Anders left, he would go with him. With Carver dead, his mother dead, Bethany with the Gray Wardens… Kirkwall wasn’t his home so much as Anders was his home.

Hawke helped Anders undress and gently guided him to bed. He was in bad shape, even if physically fine.

Hawke wished Anders would have told him who Alrik was, it hurt that Anders didn’t. But wasn’t he right? Hawke would have worried.

Hawke had trouble sleeping that night, but Anders slept almost instantly. He was draped over Hawke’s chest, breathing deeply. This was more sound than Hawke had seen Anders sleep in a long time, and it must be because of how the day had drained him.

Would Hawke really be leaving tomorrow, or would he be able to convince Anders to stay? Another reason he wasn’t sleeping was the fear that he would wake and Anders would just be gone.

But despite that fear, the events of the day got to Hawke too and he drifted to sleep.

——————————

Anders wasn’t in the bed when Hawke woke up, and so Hawke started the day in a blind panic. He scrambled to put his clothes on, ran down the stairs.

Anders was standing in the hallway, wearing one of Hawke’s robes. Thank the Maker, he wasn’t dressed to leave.

“Anders,” Hawke said. “You scared me.”

“Oh,” Anders replied as his face fell. “I’m sorry… I wasn’t really thinking. I’m, um, I’m not going to leave.”

A huge weight lifted itself off of Hawke’s heart.

“Good,” Hawke said earnestly. “If you did leave you know I’d follow.”

“I do know, now that I’m thinking straight.”

It was good he knew last night he hadn’t been in his right mind. He had been confronted by his tormentor and lost control.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Alrik. I know now that was a terrible idea.”

“It’s okay,” Hawke said, taking Anders’ hand in his. “I know why you didn’t tell me. I get what you were thinking.”

There was a small silence before Anders spoke.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do now, now that I can’t control Justice. I don’t know if I can even go out to help you. I’m a liability now.”

“Last night wasn’t normal. It’s not every day that you’ll see someone who… someone who would provoke that kind of reaction.”

“I hope you’re right,” Anders sighed. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for trying to lock you out. Clearly that wasn’t a good idea.”

Hawke waited for Anders to continue, knowing the man wanted to say more.

“And I’m sorry to… well, myself and you that I keep refusing to admit… to admit…”

Anders took a deep breath. His next words were spoken with a thick voice.

“To admit that I’m not okay. That I haven’t been okay since that night. That I’m still healing.”

Hawke could almost cry tears of joy at those words. Sure Hawke could tell the man this every day, but that didn’t mean as much as him saying it himself.

“Take all the time that you need,” Hawke told him.

“….I wish it didn’t hurt like this. I wish I could just get over it. I wish I could just get over every fucked up thing that’s ever happened to me.” Tears slid down his cheeks as he spoke, but he didn’t seem like he was caving in with the effort of being okay. He looked freer than he had been in months.

“Pushing it down won’t do any good,” he continued. “I think Justice made me realize that. I’m not going to be able to control him until I admit I’m struggling.”

Hawke wrapped his arms around Anders and gave him a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll always be here to help you,” Hawke said. “You don’t have to be okay.”

“Thank you, love.”

Anders lowered his head to Hawke’s shoulder to cry, but they were tears of release. Tears that healed.

Hawke held Anders while he cried, rocked them slowly back and forth while Anders let out the pain of the paths months.

After a while Anders looked up at Hawke and smiled. Tears still glistened in his eyes, but he looked hopeful.

Hawke felt lighter, knowing that the real healing could finally begin.