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lobotomytypebeat · 7 months

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! Making a fan homestuck msfpa called KEYBOUND !

Keybound is a indie project by solely one person (me lmao...) This post is to share what i have already done so far, and what you all shall expect from this project!

CHARACTERS OTTO EVERRET

⇢ Otto everett is a kid passionate about adventures and mythological creatures, with a dream to be a fantasy hero and explore fantasy lands he has always dreamt about deep on his mind. Always looking for adventure he tends to put himself more onto trouble than…actually helping, but he tries.

Otto everett is a stubborn and determined kid, which could also be a HUGE pain in the ass sometimes. He has good intentions but sometimes doesnt have the easiest of times of voicing his good intentions.

Despite being very outgoing and a social butterfly…Otto is lonely, very lonely, as he lives isolated on the mansion and as he has been homeschooled by his father his entire life, the only connection to the outside he knows, its the woods and the rivers. Never really having contact with other kids and mostly running through the mansions halls and secret entrances, pretending to have great adventures slaying a dangerous beast.

Otto lives in a rustic mansion in the middle of the woods, with a huge observatory, huge walls, hell the mansion even having its own dinosaur fossil room. Otto is the son of Edric everett and Margaret Fields Edric everett is a renowed scientist in the science field and Margaret Fields is, one of the most renowed paleontologists that has stepped onto the scene and that has made great advancements. Unfortunately Margaret Fields had died in a nuclear breach right after Otto was born, killing her due to the explosion and overtime nuclear exposure. …though this is not exactly the case. Margaret did indeed die due to the nuclear breach…but while she was pregnant with Otto. The loss had brought immense grief to Edric, losing both his newborn son, and beloved wife. But due to the means of ectobiology, Edric recreated Otto with a exact copy of Margaret's DNA, making Otto essentialy…a clone of his mother. Otto has been raised as a fetus inside a incubator projected by his father.

DANN HARVEY

┇DANN HARVEY

⇢ Dann harvey is a absolute mess who is loud and in general very sociable and friendly…despite his social battery running out way too fast which is kind of ironic since he will shrink up like a dried raisin.

Dann is actually allergic to most things…for example lettuce for a reason, but he will eat it ANYWAY and almost FUCKING DIE.

Dann oftenly gets himself into dangerous situations and falls way too much for his own good…and will still joke through all of it at the end of the day like its funny haha when he is at a ER with two broken legs and a spine snapped in half. Peak commedy.

Dann wears the most atrocious shirts known to man with the most horrible cheesiest catch phrases. For example " show me your bobbers and i will show you my pole " or simply " professional racist " with race cars on it. Or straight up cunty queen with unicorns and rainbows plastered all across it.

In general dann is a mess of a teenager who is way too obsessed with tetris and minecraft and mountain dew and doritos…and most definetly has been a ipad kid.

Dann is also asmathic…its shitty as fuck paired up with a shit ton more of allergies he has.

Dann now currently lives with his loving grandma as he had switched from various and various foster homes. His grandma is the sweetest person alive and he loves her very very much.

Despite being energetic and a very outgoing person, Dann is someone who gets really stuck on his own thoughts and tends to think very negatively about himself when he is left alone. And in general dann is a highly anxious person and someone who CANNOT SIT STILL FOR THE LIFE OF HIM. He feels the primal urge that he has to unleash the beast at any second possible or else he will combust into sparkles and rainbows.

Dann is also prone to producing BIOHAZARDS ON THE KITCHEN HE CANT COOK FOR SHIT.

Dann's hobbies dont extend only to being way too enthusiastic about minecraft or tetris, but yet about collecting LPS and pokemon cards. Despite not being able to SIT THE FUCK DOWN FOR ONE SECOND, he really does care about his friends. He'd jump in the fucking cadiilac and hug a cactus in the name of friendship.

He genuinely does his best to lift up the spirits of his friends and make them happy, including being loud as fuck with them, and screaming at the whole entire world with them.

HARRIET BELLATRIX | her name in actuality is just Bell lmao, her momma wants her to sound fancy schmancy all of the time |

┇ HARRIET BELLATRIX

⇢ Harriet is a more closed off individual who finds enjoyment in small things and in general activities such as gardening and manual work. Her biggest passion being robotics.

Harriet is often underestimated by the way she dresses as well…its definetly not how kids in 2012 dress nowadays and she looks like she is going to a rainfaire. But harriet just dresses like that due to genuinely just enjoying herself and having a place on her heart for fashion, as she thinks she has to please anyone but herself.

Despite looking more closed off and serious, harriet is actually quite the enthusiastic individual who finds herself hyped up and energetic over interacting with friends and doing the things she enjoys.

Harriet may be a understanding person, but she has a huge sense of justice and a incredibly rebellious attitude, which causes her to have disagreements quite often, especially in situations of people not being treated equally or fairly as she will take issues onto her own hands and usually give people a piece of their mind without thinking twice. And one of her other main issues is her complex that she has to fix anything and everything, even if it seems absolutely impossible, her perfectionism also gets in the way most of the times as she thinks that if one specific thing goes wrong, it'll be an avalanche and everything will go downhill…while at the same time she cannot follow a schedule.

Harriet actually has bonds to royal family and lives in a huge castle on top of a mountain…that barely has any internet acess at all and its incredibly far away from town.

Harriet's mom lets say she is…..a conservative of royal values. Everything has to be on time, stat, ponctual and flawless etiquette…if the requirements arent met, lets say she wont hesitate to throw one of her own kids to the dungeons.

This may come as surprising to some, but harriet is absolutely obsessed with FURBIES, furbies being her absolute favorite thing in the planet. Harriet isnt exactly…a fan of etiquette or overcomplicated words and fancy schmancy terms. And in fact harriet does kind of have a southern accent and prefers to be more simple and open minded about things. She is quite the goof actually.

ELIN CARVALHO

┇ELIN CARVALHO

⇢ Elin carvalho is a brazilian transgirl that lives on a rented apartment in São Paulo.

Elin is a chill person, who pretty much is joking most of the time, finding humor even in bad situations that might occur to her, and she just so happend to look like she is stoned all of the time, well, she isnt in fact stoned, but it looks like she is due to how chill she actually is to a concerning level actually.

Her humor happens to be incredibly broken, laughing even at a single loaf of bread falling to the floor, as well, she finds any situation pretty entertaining and humorous.

She spends inumerous hours spamming her friends with memes and copypastas on the internet, and trolling random kids in the most depraved and degenerate internet forums, with saterical copypastas or just annoying the hell out of them.

Piracy is her roman empire and she literally strives to take down the capitalistic government, every single game and computer program she has? pirated, everything is pirated, and she may had installed a virus or two by accident and still insists her PC is fine despite it visibly not doing so great and it may be on the edge of exploding.

Elin is constantly humorous due to only wanting to bring more of a positive vibe to negative situations…even though she may come off as insensitive or rude, its not her intentions, she only wishes to make her friends and loved ones feel happy and not loathe on their misery.

Elin is someone who is very aware and sensitive about her surroundings, she knows when someone is feeling bad or not, and will help them however she can, and will do everything to make their day at least a little bit better and a little bit more acceptable.

Despite her humorous and constantly joking nature, elin lives with a abusive, strict, transphobic religious fanatic mother, that has a big skepticism towards technology and the internet.

Elin has a passion for making her own pirated programs…and saterical trojans for the funny haha.

THE CLASSPECTS

》▪︎ Gravity The gravity aspect is for the rule breakers, not because of rebellion or the need to change things, but just for the complete fun of it, afterall, rules are meant to be broken. Though they may be rebellious by nature, nothing too extreme as they never go after to change the rules, they just want to have fun. The ones that are gravity bound are random and playful by nature. Not the " rawr means i love you in dinosaur " kind of quirky and random but rather " i brought a raccoon to school because i wanted it as a pet and gave everyone rabies " kind of random. Gravity bound people are completely reckless, impulsive, random and absolutely unhinged, but are incredibly fun people to be around and amazing friends.

Gravity is...self explanatory, gravity manipulation. Altering gravity on any planet at will, even travelling throuought different spaces and even dimensions relying heavily only in gravity. The abilities of gravity bond players is also, floating and flying, teleportation, walk on walls, water, and etc, any type of surface.

》 ▪︎ Rift

The rift aspect in nature is more bold and cold, more observing of peoples surroundings and their own surroundings. Though one of their characteristics is that sometimes they may be too blinded by their own values and opinions. Rift bound people are creative and think outside the box a lot, oftenly finding ways out of situations no one really ever thought before. Other than the creativity one of their other main characteristics is the issue on expressing themselves through facial expressions, mostly relying on body gestures. In general people who are rift bound are very quiet and reserved and in general desire to be alone most of the time. Despite the lack of emotion those who are rift bound tend to be very emotional and sensitive, their facial expressions and tone never seem to match up with what they are feeling. Rift bound people tend to find themselves frustrated quite easily when they fail to do tasks, and mostly have trouble asking for help. They oftenly get easily irritated when things dont go their way, and they can be oftenly hypocritical. The abilities to those that are rift bond is opening portals, and tearing space and time to create wormholes for easy travel. those who are rift bond can use their portals to shoot laser beams out of them, and reflect attacks against opponents. Their other abilities may include, reality warping, flight, teleportation.

》 ▪︎ Plague

Plague is the aspect of the damned and the sufferers. The aspect of plague comes with acceptance and learning that the world isnt a completely positive place, though they are accepting they wont entirely do good to you, but be rather pessimistic due to the things they have already seen in their lives, thinking its all going to go the same way, they arent healers, they arent perfect beings, they cant fix or help you, but will be there for you. Plague bound players have one of many characteristics in common: Being self destructive to themselves and potentially destructive to others. Though they truly have wisdom of their actions, some may be way too blinded by their own actions and the world around them might twist to a different narrative pretty easily as they are easily influenciable surprisingly. Plague bound players can be quite explosive and unpredictable, which makes them even the more destructive to themselves and potentially others. They arent the root of all evil of course, they arent notorious or bad, but can definetly be dangerous, we do not reinforce stereotypes here buddy.

The plague aspect is mainly damage focused. They are associated with destruction and decay. The plague aspect can infest a wide ratio area with destruction, causing the area to slowly become inhabitable by any living creature or foe. In healing classes such as saint or enchantress, they will not heal, but rather drain health from foes and enemies to heal themselves. They are uncapable of healing teammates, if trying to do so, they will further drain their health and also make them sick.

》▪︎ Creation The creation aspect is to those who want to make a difference in the world they are in, even if their help is small or big. Creation bound players make differences in the world not by changing things or help fix whats already broken, but yet, create something new, build something that could improve peoples lives from the ground up. Creation bound players highly enjoy being near those they love, friends, family, and partners. They sure can be overprotective of their loved ones, but its only because around them, they grow very weary. Creation bound aspects have a tendency to not let go of the past despite starting a fresh start, as they may still hold a grudge or the past had scarred them badly, they will be hurt and still be hurt for a long time even after creating a new path for themselves, but in general, creatiom bound individuals are very strong people who had it really rough, and will continue to create a new fresh start to themselves and their loved ones from the ground up. They arent perfect and they accept that, and are willing on improving on their flaws, get better as a human being. In general creation bound people are very responsible of their own actions and will hold themselves accountable if they've done something wrong or damaging to others, and are willing to make it up for them in any way possible. Creation bound people are very closed off due to the hurt they've experienced before in life, and they may be skeptical of many things that may come their way.

The abilities of a creation bond player is obviously well...creation. They can create and perfectly replicate already living beings, and they can interact with the enviroment around them heavily, even creating new life on these enviroments. Though they are not only limited to creating life, but also giving life to inanimate objects and beings.

》▪︎ Wrath The aspect of pure skepticism, negativity and unsureness, but yet the one of leardership and understanding. The aspect of wrath is to the ones who are frustrated and fed up with life, tired of everything, feeding off of their own anger, fear, skepiticism. The feeling they have to lash out at any circumstance for pure self defense and for their own sakez the feeling that not everything is perfect or ok and that something terrible will happen in any god damned moment and its just lurking around the corner, waiting to jump out of the shadows. Feelings of doubt and uncertainty surround these who are wrath bound, constantly. But its not as bad as it seems. Wrath bound people are compassionate of other peoples pains and feelings, and will be a great guide through the dark tunnel. Despite all their doubt and uncertainty, they make deep connections with others, they are kind all around these tough spiky edges. They are highly explosive and have a very short temper, they are impatient and can be pretty over posessive of their things, and overobsessive of things they like and are mostly negative abound their surroundings due to feeling the need to fight constantly and defend themselves at all costs, which makes them find themselves explaining every single action of theirs out of pure fear. But despite all of this, they are great leaders, though they may be rough most of the time.

The ones who are wrath bond can convert their own pure hatred and anger into strength, this also goes to other negative feelings, such as fear. Their attack rate, and strength gets stronger the angrier and frustrated they are. The ones who are wrath bond can cause multiple attacks and wounds in a short amount of time, like everything is in slow motion. Their screaming can deafen and temporarily paralyze enemies, though it also can affect their allies. The aspect of wrath can temporarily stunt the attack, defense, and buff of enemies, making them incredibly vulnerable. They can heal themselves by entering contact with blood, any kind of blood and posess superhuman strengh, with enhanced durability.

》▪︎ Faith Faith is the aspect of the ones who are incredibly positive, to the ones who see the good in everything, though sometimes to a negative degree, to the point of toxic positivity and false hope. People who are faith bound have one characteristic in common, a immense savior complex, though it manifests in many different ways, in any way shape or form, they believe they are responsible for assisting other people, or in general that they are responsible for other peoples lives and their choices, especially if they are in a bad situation. Despite having good intentions, they can come off as controlling or bossy, when they believe something is a wrong or bad choice, and their savior complex oftenly gets on the way, even blinding themselves from the truth or even others.

The aspect of faith has the ability of telekinesis, illusion manipulation, telepathy, healing, and even in some cases, possession, flight, and calming enemies down, making them more vulnerable.

》 ▪︎ Sight Sight and Waves walk side by side as a balance dynamic. Right off the bat...Sight is different from Waves, literally and metaphorically. Sight bond players are incredibly aware of their surroundings, which cause them to be heavily paranoid almost all of the time. They always have gut feelings and can be quite judgemental of others at first. They are way too aware, way too aware of other peoples feelings and their surroundings, its like a sensory overload as they are always aware of everything and they can feel that something will happen at any second and at any waking hour. Hell they are even self aware of their own behavior all of the time and wont sleep for days and countless hours thinking about their life choices and what they did. Their abilities may include, future foresight, retrocognition, psychometry, dermo-optical perception, precognition, enhanced superhuman hearing and sight, hypersensitivity to surroundings enhanced, enhanced agility and speed. They are able to see through illusions and hallucinations...as they are too self aware, they will not be fooled by them, but yet be further paranoid. Their powers give them so much sensory overload that they may simply just break down at random.

》 ▪︎ Waves Chill laidback people who are mostly in their own world. They can blend in perfectly with the energy of others and be calm in severe situations, doing things with a calm mind and examining things carefully. Though due to how calm they are, they can be quite carefree and not be so aware of their surroundings or the feelings of others, afterall calm and chill doesnt exactly mean beinv aware of everything and anything and being thi divine god that always knows what to do. Once they learn the patterns they can flow and blend in, but at first they can be quite lost in a tricky situation, as wave bond people also tend to be quite clumsy and careless.

Their abilities include, hydrokinesis, water breathing, flight, walking on water, generating water, control the weather, boiling water or turning it into ice, enhanced agility while swimming.

》 ▪︎ Determination (if i see undertale jokes im disowning yall)

The determination aspect walks side by side with rebellion. As afterall, to change a unfair situation and bring equality and peace, you need…a lot of determinatoon and strong willed individuals. They are charming individuals who are able to gain peoples trust easily.

Determination bond are strong willed individuals, with their main common traits are, very passionate about their interests, and having a strong bond to friends, family and romantic partners, and creating connections with people rather easily.

Though…determination bond people tend to be very naive and easily manipulated, and usually needs the help of an outside force to open up their eyes, since due to their naive nature, they are blind to peoples manipulation.

Determination bond players are in general, very good willed people…but they are just way too blind as most of the time, they believe everyone is good, but when their eyes are open and their mind is clear, they will do anything to fight off evil and protect their loved ones.

Determination bond players are basically stackers, stacking attack statuses and buff statuses when they are inflicted any damage, though oppositely from wrath, they use positivity and ambition to deal more damage. They are more of a defensive class, their main weapons being shields and creating large bubbles around them to defend themselves and other teammates. They can change the size of their own weapon to make them bigger or smaller. They have enhanced strength and in general senses.

》 ▪︎Rebellion bond The rebellion bond aspect is…self explanatory.

People who dont abide by the rules, with the main goal to change what is unfair and give everyone equal chances, though sometimes being way too passionate about what they do and their motivations, they are good willed people.

Rebellion bond people tend to have trouble with communication, as their pursue for change isnt exactly the most stable. They may end up getting in disagreements or arguments with fellow teammates when they have opposing opinions. They have good intentions, of course, but their pursue for change and approach can be quite tricky…as they are more of the " i need to solve this now, this will be future me problem, im dealing with the consequences later. "

They are more of a strength and attack focused class, those who are rebellion bond have a enhanced awareness of where a enemies weak point is and will target that weak point, their attack is not enhanced, however now their attacks are sharper and have a better piercing proficiency. They posess limited telekinesis, being able to push enemies away or bring them closer at high speeds. They dont fly but yet they can float up in the air and not take fall damage. They can temporarily freeze enemies in place or simply paralyze them.

》 ▪︎ Soul Those who are soul bound feel a inner connection with themselves and their true selves. The soul is irrational, impulsive, the definition of having hearts for brains. They are highly emotive and sensitive, though of course, its not a bad thing. Despite their emotions getting in the way of thinking rationally, they are truly good people. They dont have issues on expressing who they are, they stand out from the crowd, and are proud of it, they arent ashamed to be who they are inside. They have a deep connection with friends, family, and partners.

The powers of those who are soul bound are heavily focused on emotion. They can absorb the feelings of others to themselves, such as bad feelings, and etc. Their shadow acts as its own being if they even so desire, and they are also able of controlling the shadow of others. If overwhelmed, a protection barrier will be formed around them, that blocks all sound and any contact from the external world. Their tears have healing properties and relaxing properties, being able to heal the deepest of wounds and relaxing someone when they are the most overwhelmed. They also posess Pathokinesis, the power of projecting one's own emotions onto other people. They can create objects and other moveable beings out of their own shadow. and one of their other abilities is psychometry.

》 ▪︎ Instinct

The instinct bound feel the need to put on a role or a different perspective of what they actually are. Not because they feel the need to hide, but because they feel that they can express themselves more by putting up a different mask and a different role. Instinct bound players are rational and think mostly with their brain, which drives them to not be the most sensitive of the bunch...not because of malice or bad will, but mostly because they are cold individuals that have trouble with expressions, expressing their feelings through voice tone or body language, and in general lack more empathy than usual and its not something that they can control. Though instinct bound tend to be a bit self absorvant, they arent a creature of seven heads, but they make mistakes, they are human afterall.

Their main abilities are strong telekinesis, xenoglossy, bilocation, astral projection at will and even summon an ally from astral projections, controlling their own reflections on mirrors and even the reflection of others, also being able to pull the reflections out of the mirrors.

┆NULL BLOODS ╶ Null bloods are a odd type of trolls. Null bloods are a type of troll that can shift their own blood onto the blood of other trolls and adapt to their specific characteristics so they can blend themselves in society. Its like shapeshifting, but with blood if you will. Null bloods are a bloodcaste that have been exterminated by unknown causes, but most likely exterminated due to the potential of dethroning the rulers of alternia. Null bloods are artificially made trolls, by a olden forgotten technique, the troll alchemy. Made with the sole purpose as a bag of donating their own organs and blood transfusions, a walking sack of organ donations. Null bloods mostly have had no autonomy in the past as they were seen as nothing but helpers and offerings. The blood color of a null blood is completely grey, and it goes through a transumation alchemical process inside their bodies to match the exact blood of the nearest troll nearby. They cannot shift their blood onto a specific color in free will, they have to have another troll right next to them for that to occur. The components of a null blood in the alchemical process are different parts of multiple different animals, and other natural components, as also fresh blood from other trolls. Its almost the same process as creating a chimera.

┆How to spot a NULLBLOOD on its RAW FORM? ↪ Nullbloods on their true characteristics may include the following features. ↱ ADULT NULL BLOODS ᎒ Long limbs. Especifically and especially the arms and legs. Long and rooted unicorn like hurn purtruting on the middle of their forehead. Long ears, slim tail, spikes growing on their backs. Sharper features, long fangs and a strong carapace across their body. A lot of body hair and fur. Tall, incredibly tall, getting to an avarage of 9 feet tall.

____________________________ ↱ YOUNG NULL BLOODS ┋Lanky and tall, shorter horns. Carapace and fangs are as not as developed. They walk awkwardly due to their height. White spots all across their body, these grow out overtime as they grow up.

------------------------------------------------ Rift ferrets

Rift ferrets are a subspecies in the grand variety of rift creatures. Rift ferrets being the most friendly and mischevious between the rift beasts, they mostly cause no harm unless you startle them. Rift ferrets generally are in groups and in colonies of more than 1000 ferrets. The colonies being multiple wormholes in the universe and space, and in general they inhabit milkyway and other galaxies. The rift ferret, is 65 cm in length, with a long tail that posesses a wisp-like effect. Their bodies emit a soft glow. This variant, the original variant, lives in society with other rift ferrets, and build their burrows in moons. Rift ferrets have the ability to float as a way to travel throuought space. This variant is known as " the original variant " as it is what rift ferrets looked like before adapting to the habitats of prospit or derse. This variant is not as common anymore, and is the verge of extinction as rift ferrets move their burrows to prospit or derse. The population of the original variant is scarse, now you may find only groups of about 5 or 10 of these willow-wy wisp fellas. Rift ferrets have mutated and changed as they started to inhabit the planets of prospit and derse. The habitat around them changing their physiology, behavior, and how they live.

PROSPIT VARIANT

The prospit variant is more friendly and outgoing by nature. Highly curious about its surroundings and they tend to play with eachother a lot. Hunt in packs and share their prey. The hunting stragedy of a prospitian rift ferret is to use the stars that float on top of its ears to spread a colorful glitter-like substance that will attract fellow gravity mice and void beetles due to its bright light and mesmorizing movement on the air. Their appearance may decieve many…but they are highly mischevious and will play pranks on foreigners. Prospitian rift ferrets seem to have a undeniable love for tuna. If felt in danger, Prospitian rift ferrets will stack on top of eachother and make a tower to scare off any harm.

Prospitian rift ferrets seem to be larger than Dersite rift ferrets. Being 70 cm in length and the size of a lap dog, while Dersite rift ferrets are smaller, being 50 cm in length.

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DERSE VARIANT

The dersite variant of the rift ferret is a more closed off and reserved specimen, not really socializing even with the ones of its own kind, as they frequently also tend to fight eachother and get into conflicts quite easily. They arent quite fond of foreigners and will mostly hide away in their burrows, though they will certainly wait for a moment to strike down anyone who they view and percieve as a threat.

Dersite rift ferrets have developed extremely good night vision and nocturnal habits due to derse being a dark habitat, so they could better navigate around, but one of their major weaknesses being light, and is one of the reasons as they have never set foot in prospit as the light is too bright, even the light emanating from the bodies of prospitian rift ferrets are too much for them.

Dersite rift ferrets are lone hunters, and will actively fight others of their kind for prey and food. They arent exactly the most friendliest of creatures, but are certainly very loyal, depicting affection with truly trusted ones like purrbeasts do. Dersite rift ferrets have a mechanism on their backs that rises up spikes from the back of their spike out of their own skin, launching the spikes onto targets, the spikes contain poison and can cause fatigue, migraines, throwing up, bleeding from the eyes and ears as the venom is too strong. Their backs is also a very sensitive area to them, so watch out.

What happend to prospit and derse?

The war between the two planets eventually lead to the destruction of both kingdoms and both civilizations. Prospitians and Dersites are now long gone as war had extended til' the modern days on the planet, and eventually led the monarchs and their society to their own demise. The obsession with the war and past happenings led these societies to their end.

the planets are now composed of multiple abandonned buildings and ruins. The golden city of prospit has multiple buildings knocked down or mostly only their structure intact, while its overrun by black plants with sharp spikes and white glittery moss, while the planet of derse is surrounded by white vines latching onto their buildings, and huge black flowers spread all across the city, white fungi with yellow sparkling substances on their stems would grow to large sizes and would make a entire root system across the planets. Both planets have the aesthetic of a post apocalyptic setting in a modern world. Strange plants have shown up on the planet, mostly invasive species, and life has taken its course as new life started to inhabit the planet. Rift ferrets have seen to be taken a liking of the inhabited planets…making it their new homes and slowly constructing a new society.

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》New machines of this new version of SBURB

▪︎ Sacradia box ; The sacradia box is a huge machine which works like a vending machine. Deposit a certain amount of grist and a randomized item or prepunched card will pop right out! But watch out as the items get launched from the machine and not gently deposited onto your tiny grubby hands. Hell it may even take out some of your HP.

Keyquinox ; source to the creation of planets and worlds in this version of SBURB The keyquinox machine has the capability of generating a world key from a totem lathe or merge two keys to form a completely new generated land, the key of the formation of planets of this new universe as possibilities are endless.

Transporter ; The transporter is essentialy a portal where you put your key or a generated key from the " keyquinox " to generate and enter new worlds and planets. Inside the portal once you step in, is an empty void with a hub full of doors that stand on the void which you can unlock with the keys, opening doors to new realms or realms that you already once knew.

The clockwork: The clockwork is a cilindrical machine with a huge arc over it that is used to obtain a TOTEM. But go fast, as the first time you open the cilindrical machine, a timer will go by and the clock that stays right on top of the machine will start ticking loudly.

The workshop: Used to produce totem lathes with punched cards.

Alchemy table: Used for alchemization and creation of objects….but it looks…oddly different from what its supposed to be.

Pryntix 9000 : generic ass name for a machine that punches cards for you…its actually not something you place but yet its something small which you can carry around. It resembles a paper clipper which is sorta funny.

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but what are the keys for anyway? how do they work? where do they come from? This will all be explained in this box of text! follow my lead as i will be your guide to the ultimate KEY WIKIPEDIA. The universal keys are a peculiar object, as there is no point of origin to these phenomenoms. But they came along with this new curious version of sburb. The keys seem to have bars and lines of universal undecipherable code that isnt from this world we currently know. The key seems to be highly aware of its user and holder…as its bars of code start changing and morphing based off of who the holder is as a person. Knowing their passions, aspirations, true desires and purpose. the keys are a granted PATHWAY to the creation of new planets and worlds on this new SBURB, based off of the code that resides inside the keys. A whole new world, new fauna, new locations, new flora, new biology and completely new lifeforms and enemies.

The KEYQUINOX is the machine responsible for the creation of these keys. But in order for the machine to work, a external influence has to activate the MAIN GATEWAY.

Main gateways are huge machines spread throughout the planet of skaia…the planet we are familiarized with and truly know. It is a external force that has existed before the SBURB beta has even launched. All key variants were created after the MAIN GATEWAYS were activated…except for one variant of key, the chaos star key, which is currently now in the posession of a holder. The current active gateway resides deep inside a subterranian temple, that can be acessed through a cave. The reason they are there? who the fuck knows, but they look old as fuck, almost ancient.

[ Trolls over the years have developed and evolved, adapting new characteristics. ] Rustbloods and Bronzebloods Have Evolved in Many Different Ways, These Two Bloodcastes Have Developed Their Pupils To Be Shaped More Like The Pupils That Are Present On: Goats, Deer, Sheep, And Many More. Rustbloods and Bronzebloods Have Started To Develop More Fur On Their Backs, Arms, And Legs, Along With Hooves, Tuft Tails, Or Short Nubby Tails, Spot Markings, Rooted Horns, More Antlerlike Horns, And More Goatlike Ears. There Tends To Have A Variation Of The Furs That Form On The Trolls Body, For Example, Texture And Form. These Bloodcastes Now Experience Hoof, And Horn Overgrowth, And in Some Trolls, Even The Change of Horns Overtime, Just Like Deer do. If Horn Overgrowth Isnt Taken Care of, It Could Harm The Troll as in Some Cases, The Horn May Be Too Close To The Eyes, And Could Permanentely Damage The Trolls Vision as The Horn Would Pierce Through The Eyes. Unfortunetly, Over The Years, Both Rustbloods and Bronzebloods Could Experience A Disease Called " Internal Rotting Disease. " A Disease That Overtime Rots Their Brain, Killing Every Single Neuron And Braincell They Have Alive, Including Parasites Infesting Their Stomachs, Eating Everything The Troll Consumes And Eating Them From The Inside Out. The symptoms of " Internal rotting disease " May include: The death of the braincells, thirst, stomach burning, itching feeling from the inside, progressively losing the ability of speech, tiredness, fatigue, exhaustion, diarhea, vomiting, vomiting blood symptoms start only being present after a sweep has passed, and the host of the disease is mostly unaware of it and may spread it to other trolls in the area, though it only affects rustbloods and bronzebloods especifically. currently no cure is known for this deadly disease, and up to 100+ trolls suffer from it every sweep, causing the mortality rate for lower bloodcastes to go further up.

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Goldbloods have envolved to have a extra set of arms, a moth-like or bee-like fuzz around their necks, bigger eyes and eyelashes, and their body patterns have developed to be more half and half, and a new mutation has emerged...conjoined troll twins. Two cocoons that have fused during formation, the phenomenom has emerging slowly through the years in alternia, the signs being more predominant. Most conjoined twins do not come out alive, as they are immediatly eleminated. Olive bloods have evolved to have more slit pupils, a set of more feline and canine teeth structure, their ears are now further above the head, coming in variations of: Perked ears, Bunny ears, Rat-like ears, Floppy ears, Long perked ears, Long flop ears, Canine flopped ears. They have started to develop longer tails and more fur across their bodies. More digitegrade legs, and body patterns that may include: Spots, Leopard patterns, stripes, sploches, gradients. another odd phenomenom that has been happening is olive bloods suddenly losing all control of their own actions...acting more like a beast than troll, losing all of the aspects that make them troll...the phenomenom is very similar to human lycanthropy.

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Jade bloods have started to develop body patterns that imitate very specific shapes...like swirls and waves and jade green gradients on their forearm, hands, legs and feet. Jade bloods have started to develop more butterfly and fairylike wings, grow more in size, reaching up to 6 feet. Teal bloods have started to develop body patterns that resemble more scales, and they have a tedency to be darker than the rest of the body or have pigment. Their characteristics overall being more similar to lizards, especially visible on their tails, and how they now posess brilles instead of eyelids.

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Cerulean bloods have started to develop body patterns that look like waves and resemble multiple eyes. Their grey skin tends to be in a darker tone and their body patterns always will have pigment no matter the circumstances. Cerulean bloods can now have eyes on their jugular, arms, hands, shoulders, and etc. Just like gold bloods, they can now posess more than one set of arms, and their tails now mostly resemble what a spider has on its back rear end. Cerulean bloods can now stick to walls easily and even walk on them. Indigo bloods, just like rustlboods, have developed more digitegrade legs and hooves for their feet. Their tail now resembles more like a horse, and their body patterns now resemble mostly how horse coat pattern looks like. Their body patterns also has way less pigment than other trolls, and they are more prone to having absolutely no pigment or melanin on their patterns especifically.

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The body patterns of purple bloods seem to be randomized, and have a white and purple gradient on them instead of having a solid color. Now purple bloods also have a tendency of painting over their natural body patterns rainbow. Their ears have enlongated in size, along with their legs getting lankier and taller, and their tail getting bigger. Their tail mostly resembles a tuft tail. Their teeth are now chunkier, wider and longer in size.

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Violet bloods and Fuchsia bloods almost have no differences. They have both developed more fishlike characteristics and are even more prone to have half of their body more fishlike. Their body patterns resemble more the patterns of orcas, sharks, clownfish, and many more fish species. Though now, fuchsia bloods seem to have been getting bigger, and developing more muscle mass than violet bloods.

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Mutants still are weaker than the avarage troll, though they are highly resistant and immune to poison and other toxic materials. Mutants dont have a defined body pattern, but seems to posess more gradiants than usual. Short nubby tails along with the short nubby horns. Mutant bloods have a 100% rate of having leucism on their body patterns, though leucism can occur on trolls, mutants have a 100% percent rate of leucism. Their sclera remains yellow, but their eyes are now more of a slit, and are in more of a white pale purple or red color.

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This is all i have for now folks! i will release extra content soon. reblogs appreciated! <3

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i-dont-know-nor-care-go-away · 2 years

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How would they know?

the absolute lack of sex Ed in my school has lead to hilarious and concerning situations. I found out about std's through a comments chain on tumblr 3 years after I learned about periods. no one told me shit, and I'm really glad I'm ace. so I made it into a fic about my current hyper fixation (avoiding work btw) warrior nun season one, canon compliant ish

cw : discusses sex Ed or a lack or it, no detail, just the word std at worst

"AVA!" screeched Lilith, "This is a church!" Ava continued sniggering at her joke, "and you're a prude." "I am a sister warrior and I am trying to eat breakfast, you-" Mary interjected "Hey, that's enough. Both of you."

Neither of them had to decency to feel ashamed but had the brains to look as if they did. Ava stuck out her tounge at Lilith, who lunged at her across the table.

"Hey, I said enough" Mary grunted, restraining the very upset nun. "No more baby making jokes, and no murdering" Ava looked confused, "hey I made a sex joke, not.. whatever you said." Beatrice gasped, "you made a- I-" and Mary slowly turned toward the warrior nun. "Ava, tell me you know what happens when two people do it."

Bewildered, Ava said "Ya know, fun stuff, and stds?" Mary and everyone at the table froze. Lilith snorted "no, you dumbass child. you get pregnant. who gave even you the talk?"

Ava looked around the table "um. what talk?" Now, even Lilith was concerned, "About your lady days" she deadpanned.

"You mean everyday?" rebutted Ava.

Mary said, "She means periods."

Ava was even more lost. "Shannon, help me" prayed Mary. Lilith awkwardly groaned "when you bleed from..down there"

Ava looked down at the table "I never got a talk, one day the nuns just said I was a women now because Eve sinned or something. they kept washing the sheets and saying how disgusting it was."

Beatrice gently put her hand on Ava's forearm, "I understand, my mother hadn't taught me about that before it happened. I'm sorry it happened like that."

Mary shook her head in disbelief, "so you've never learnt about std's or 'wrap it before you tap it'"? "no?" chorused Ava and Beatrice.

"A what?" continued Beatrice. Camila seemed to be praying now, her head bowed in frustration.

The halo bearer just shrugged, "hey, 80's movies just taught me to be funny about it, and piss off nuns, despite the fact I couldn't walk. No reason for the nuns to teach me shit."

Even Lilith felt bad. Mary looked at Beatrice "Her? I understand. How have you been alive this long and never got any sort of warning?"

Beatrice looked ashamed. "Mary, you know why. It was forbidden until I was old enough to know and by that time my mother didn't quite.... have the right knowledge for me. She thought the knowledge of any of that sin might tempt me. I'm a sister warrior now, though, it matters not."

Lilith scowled "It's not sin, it's knowledge of how you body works" She shared a look with Mary, and they fought it out with a stare.

You tell them. I'm a nun. No, I am not doing this. this is something Shannon would be able to handle. well, someone has to do something, I'm not their mother.

Mary broke her stare, and looked at both of them. She got up, "Let's go learn about the birds and bees." Ava, annoyed, sat up but Beatrice protested, "I don't- I. Mary, I am a sister warrior, I assure you I would never-"

Mary sighed, "Baby girl, you are gonna learn about basic biology, it's not an 'adult film'" she said, mocking a British accent on the last phrase. Mary all but dragged the two girl to Mother Superion's office.

...

The head of the OCS looked up, questioning Mary's predicament. She just shook her head and said "You two are gonna learn something new today. and trust me, you won't die."

She looked at Mother "You remember what talk you had to give me when I arrived? well, they might not be nine but they still need it." and she left. Ava internally swore, and Beatrice was red already. This was gonna suck.

...

Ava and Beatrice walked out, more shell-shocked than ever before. Ava looked towards her trauma bonded companion (not in the eye, not after what they've heard.) "Take this to the grave?"

The sister warrior looked dead ahead, pain in her eyes, and replied, "Gladly"

#warrior nun #warrior nun fanfiction #warrior nun fanfic #i need an ao3 but am i gonna get one? no #ava silva #sister beatrice #sister lilith #sister camila #mother superion #shotgun mary #tw sex mention #my fanfic #my writing #my fanfiction

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mdpikachu · 1 year

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random sentences from wips... 2! no context ever edition

"That doesn't line up with this curse's conditions at all!" irritably announced a voice that Guda initially mistook for Andersen or perhaps Ozymandias.

"At your order, I shall do so. I cannot be held responsible if any kind of plan goes haywire."

"Orrr?" his creator stated in a mocking tone, waiting for Chrome to repeat his response with different language.

"If the plan goes [FUBAR]," Chrome corrected. This term had not come pre-programmed, so he was disinclined to use it in favor of hard-coded phrases. As his creator smiled, Chrome only observed. The creator always seemed to derive pleasure from hearing these strange terms.

"You're still there, you punkass little shit??" said the rabbit, strolling in like he owned the place and dragging something on a wagon behind himself. "I've heard of depression before, but you're a new high score or some crap!"

"It was," Izanagi admitted sheepishly, "I'm busy sneaking away from you. You're not supposed to know that I'm here."

Lancelot tiled his head the other way and crossed his arms. That wasn't it.

"He's doing this at you!" Castoria announced before imitating Lancelot's gesture. She'd thought it was probably a little funny, but Guda staring at her with wide eyes made her concerned.

Ticking slightly faster in annoyance, Dante made a second attempt at reaching the chalk.

<"Come here, you vandal,"> they grumbled, clearly attempting to flip a coin for Wrath. This time they succeeded, managing to wrangle that loathsome vandalous chalk.

(this ones cheating bc its a note) AABA-IT IS NOW, WORSE. JACOB, ITS NOT GETTING BETTER. ITS NOT GETTING BETTER! IT'S NOW WORSE! dante doesnt realize its protecting them from pants wetting fear. (they do not wet they pants)

Understandably curious, Minako stood up slightly to peer over the table at him. She didn't speak up- She WAS still eating!- but tilted her head slightly. This was enough for Andersen to understand her question and answer appropriately.

"Hyde. Who and what did you think? The maniac woke me up announcing he wanted to visit London and to "Be prepared"- That last part was in song format!" Andersen slammed a fist against the table, shaking it a bit. "Is he trying to die?! Singing Disney at me when I'm not even working! Were I an offensive unit, he would cease to exist where he stands!"

"Hyde lit Mephisto's hat on fire," Minako informed him, not even letting Jekyll speak. He only arched his eyebrows as she added "He's really got it out for the clown. You think he's afraid of clowns and he's acting out?"

"Charon cannot work in these conditions," she stated, moving her stare from Faust to Satoru.

"When I become the evil overlord of District A, you can be my bus driver," Satoru replied, his own stare meeting Charon's.

"Charon will accept this if Charon gets dental."

Hyde, of course, did not say anything even slightly valuable, instead opting to pick up the nearest dumpster and throw it at the "Garbage Clown". This was also not given a single explanation, much to Minako and Andersen's collective annoyances. Of course their foolproof plan had gone awry- It was foolproof, not bastardproof.

"This is going well," Mephisto chimed in, jingling miserably across the floor. For his input, he was given a knife directly into his backside. He hadn't thought he could jingle any more miserably than before, but he was now proven wrong. Another hypothesis down.

#mddttxt #mine

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abigail-nicole · 2 years

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tgcf livetweet

“when the people said you were a god, you were a god. If the people said you were shit, then you were shit.” This is delightful

I read TGCF in spring of 2020, sitting on my porch roof amongst blooming dogwood trees, and it was the most pleasant experience reading a book I may have ever had. I livetweeted and since twitter seems to be barrelling towards self destruction I am archiving the live-tweet here.

this book is hilarious and I am 2 seconds in

“Body in the abyss, heart in paradise” is a cool phrase in translation but I bet the chengyu is better

what say a good crown price you have there—would be a shame if SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO HIM

Crown Prince Is A Total Himbo

“when the people said you were a god, you were a god. If the people said you were shit, then you were shit.” This is delightful

“Blood Rain Reaching Towards A Flower” is a metal af name

I fell asleep during my reading time last night but: team XIE LIAN IS A HIMBO & I’m waiting to be proven wrong about this

this book is funny & xie lian is peak Dumb Baby

xie lian + wei wuxian = forgetting everyone’s names

Xie Lian gets sassy

I love Ruoye. almost as much as the butterfly baby

I too want to be with the woman holding a knife to my throat

PUTTING UP AN UMBRELLA TO PROTECT XIE LIAN FROM THE RAIN OF BLOOD IN THE CORPSE FOREST IS SO ROMANTIC

Wait this is way too early in this very long book for me to have feels about Xuan Ji & Pei Ling

magine if your favorite scarf was also a pet and friend & that’s Ruoye, my new favorite magical accessory

I’m pretty immune to body horror & the Human Face Plague is Not Cool Not Cool Not Cool

Oh Xie Lian was about due for a Himbo moment huh

ten thousand withered bones

OUR LOVE INTEREST IS FIRST NAMED! WE LOVE HIM ALREADY

Among the Four Calamities and Four Famous Tales...there are NATURAL pairings here

But we love every one of His facets, our Demon Lord, Hua Cheng

OF COURSE Hua Cheng lives in a volcano city. I have met him once for three pages & I already know he Respects Aesthetics

Xie Lian sighs, contended, proud of his Demon Crush

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT XIE LIAN WOULD HAVE DONE IF HE COULD NO WONDER HIS CRUSH IS SO STRONG

Xie Lian, after hearing eight pages of description of how everyone is scared of Hua Cheng: mmmm sexy

Ok i got really into this part and fffff i have to be at work in 6 hours. Ch 13 later with more Himbo Xie Lian & Lonely Yet Too Smart For The Room Hua Cheng

Xie Lian....the Himbo who got kicked out in 15 minutes for calling out eerybody.....Hua Cheng who is so fed up he was like “fuck it im out ANd im better than all of u”........energy

Xie Lian replying to all in the email chain & everyone like SHUT UP BOOMER

Xie Lian just wants to be debt free. Millennials would worship at his shrine

Xie Lian eating trash. Man mxtx really loves to drag this guy

I love their dappled sunlit ride in a haywagon together #romance wait what’s their hashtag what’s the wangxian of #TGCF (it’s #hualian)

oh no Hua Cheng is Soft crying emojis

I would apologize but I’m loving my Exquisitely Slow Stop-Every-Page Livetweet read of #TGCF lets appreciate these soft gays

LOVE! SOFT GAYS!

God their dynamic is so sweet and Soft

Scaring away the ghosts for your crush and then telling him “no you did it” #justHuaChengthings

Xie Lian renowned himbo tries to flirt & be smooth

AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED

san lang i love u

Omg these gay babies

gay BABIES who go STARGAZING TOGETHER

(3/26/20) reading tgcf at work is the most enjoyable day I’ve had at work all week and NO ONE GOT STABBED TWENTY TIMES, UNLIKE YESTERDAY

Xie Lian giving up his hat......so soft..... Hualian standing shoulder to shoulder staring at the stars.......soft

Omg Hua Cheng breaking the sword in the sheath....the inexpert power dynamics of Nan Feng & Fuyao trying to trick him & failing....Xie Lian couldnt dissemble if his life depended on it....it’s Good Fucking Food

“WHO THE FUCK DECIDED THAT MY BOYFRIEND SHOULD GET SNAKE BIT IM REAL OVER Y’ALL” -Hua Cheng, probably

Xie “I’d rather die than risk the possibility of my boyfriend getting snake bite” Lian

they’re moving real fast huh

This person buried in the mud who became a demon is also v creepy there’s a lot of creepy stuff in this book!!!

from one demon to another, bro—

XL: I’ve known San Lang for two days and if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

Even the Pet-Weapon-Fashion Accessory Ruoye ships them

OH MY GOD HE KILLED EVERY DEMON IN THE PIT I

THATS GODDAMN ROMANCE

Murder pit?? But i wanna see my boyfriends new body

Murder pit? 4/10. My hot “friend” 8/10

Okay i did NOT see this twist coming

Lolololol #hualian

Substantial Boyfriend Himbo move by Xie Lian here

incoherent screaming FLOWER UNDER THE UMBRELLA IN THE BLOOD RAIN

Nan Feng: STOP HAVING A ROMANCE ITS MAKING ME FEEL ICKY

incohereNT SCREAMING HUALIAN

Archive note: for interest, this is where season one of the Heaven Official Blessing donghua stopped!

continued in part 2.

#tgcf #tgcf liveread

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fully-caulked-wagon · 1 year

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Some of my favourite lines/passages from my shitty Aidungeon Zosan fanfics Part 7

Pretend that part 6 never said '(final)'. Pretend right now. Fic 4 (Again cause I've added like, 11,000 words to it since I posted the first fic 4 part.):

If his legs twitch in anticipation of a fight anymore than they are now, he's sure he'll come down with a severe case of the dancing plague. Dancing, being code for 28 rage-induced kicks to the cranium of dickhead sheriffs. - Don't ask me why I decided to reference a meme as dead as '28 stab wounds' cause I honestly don't know. Sanji startles slightly, running a hand through the back of his hair and sighing, "Right. Right. Yeah. See ya, I guess. If I die, make sure I'm buried by the lovely hands of Nami-Swan and Robin dear. And don't touch my kitchen." Zoro huffs and rolls his eyes, "If you die, we're throwing you straight in the bin." - "When I die, just throw me in the trash!" - Danny Devito Sanji stretches his arms high above his head and cracks his neck, "I'll be back before the Mosshead even has the chance to get lost in his own thoughts." "Oi!" - This is like, right after the previous excerpt, I just wanted to separate them. "Fucking Christ. Stupid fucking Marimo and his dumbass being right." - What a fool, what a nincompoop, what a buffoon, what an imbecile, what an ignoramus. Also - Jesus Christ canonically in One Piece verse, question mark exclamation mark? In fairness, he doesn't have to sneak through too many thin alleyways - none other than today, in fact. Getting shit talked by the mosshead, on the other hand? Not so mercifully infrequent. - Oof. Usopp is sat rigidly in his seat with a small smile on his face as the mosshead stacks the most miniscule fucking deck of cards Sanji has ever seen atop Usopp's nose - it somehow managing to have reached monstrous heights - while the scent of a stroke Sanji's almost convinced he's having wafts from the plate of 'buttered toast' Cal is munching on on the sidelines. - I just liked the phrase 'the scent of a stroke', honestly. Might be one of those things where it's only funny to me, idk. "Usopp thought you were dead!" Maria follows up calmly, "Zoro wished you were dead." - Double oof. Sanji's about however long it would take to read the full list of vegetables Luffy would willingly eat over meat - that is to say, a second at best, from growling. - This whole fic is just one big test of Sanji's patience, ngl. Sanji sighs and lets his head hit the table, a hollow 'thunk' ringing in his ears, the ringing growing stronger as the mosshead snorts in an unattractive and not at all endearing way, "That sound was your skull, shit Cook." "That sound was your brain trying to come up with original insults, jackass, shut up." "Scathing." "You don't even know what that means." - Triple oof. Sanji thanks the impending dread that fills the room for stopping him from blatantly swooning. - Ah, existential doom. A fickle mistress. Franky gives a low whistle, "Hot. ...I think." - There's a lot of things that are questionably hot in this world. Franky will fuck every last one of them. Sanji can feel his fucking ears turning red, damn this stupid perceptive bastard, "Che. I was just trying to figure out if your brain was small enough for a metal pole to go in one ear and out the other without making contact." "Bastard." - Goddamn shrubbery and their fucking observation haki. On his right there's a door labelled 'bathroom' that, once he opens it briefly to glance inside, gives way to a small room that can only really be called a bathroom on the technicality that the thing in the corner is probably a bath and the amount of space the area takes up is probably enough to be considered a room. - Ah, hotels. (Technically it's an inn, but shh.) Robin freezes in place once they reach the saloon, tilting her head slightly as she inquires to Franky, "By any chance, have you been rattling?" Franky simply smirks and opens up the door to his stomach fridge and extends a tiny hand in to fish out a pair of sea stone handcuffs, spinning it around on one finger and chuckling, "Maybe." - Dude just rattles sometimes, don't worry about it. Robin places a hand to her cheek, "Oh my. Perhaps this passageway has a connection to the future? It would be a shame if we passed through, and our bodies slowly aged and shrivelled up until we were nothing but bones and bolts." Franky sweats slightly, replying slightly shakily, "Yeah, that's uh... That's- Th... Please stop being so ominous. It's SUPER freakin' me out." - Yo. That would suck, I think. Franky chuckles, calming down somewhat, "Yeah, well, not in this case. I don't exactly find the slow, agonising aging of my body until I rot away particularly sexy - sorry." Robin hums, "That's fair, I suppose." - This is again almost immediately after the previous excerpt but yada yada. A couple beats of silence pass and Franky leans down and mutters, "Do I need to eeny-meeny-miny-moe this again, or...? I'm down for charging blindly in a random direction too if you are." - Again. Implying he's done that before. I refuse to think about the implications of that.

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self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 2 years

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Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 04x08

Wishful Thinking

“You can disobey Dad all you want but you can’t disobey Daddy” “yeah ok I guess sitting on a bench and saying you’re doubtful is a big deal”

They have a profound bond spouse. We aren’t that gay yet.

“Is she a teacher?” “Thats a lot of flair” “Sam’s shirt matches the tablecloth” “His shirt is the tablecloth” “I love it”

“Hey a beetle” “Is that Mount Rainier?” “Good things happen to those who eat” “What are we eating, Dean Winchester?” “he’s not very sincere but ok” “Do the women have to be naked when you save them?” “I mean you got naked women and LSD in the town water supply? Hell yeah dude” We paused to read the titles of the porno mags

“Alcoholo-porno addict. That’s funny”

We have the subtitles on and he really likes the phrase

“Steam baths” “Man her parents need to do some work on stranger danger shit” “We’re the teddy bear porno doctors!” “Just following her kid to her room with no parents around. No big deal” “That is pretty fucking weird” “Fucking A. Way to be a Debbie Downer man” “Can you go steal there for a few days while we steal everything in your house?” “When do they learn that this shit comes with consequences?” “You could have had anything and you ordered a footlong?” “oh my god dean” “medium rare” “what a douche. Can’t be threatening the old man” “That was like the world’s worst etching.” “oh there goes the sandwich. You’re fucked now buddy”

“Serious butt magic? Oh he said black magic.” “what the fuck dude” then laughed about the teddy bear

“What the fuck dude” “that’s healthy” “we’re teddy bear doctors” “Couldn’t you have wished for the money and the girl?” “This reminds me of when Nandor wished for his penis to get bigger, because they had to define the size of his balls in the contract” “Why is he laying down in the back seat?” “Someone should make that kid a shrine” “Is there a little gif that says “kneel before Todd!!” In your discord?” “Oh is the girlfriend wishing that sam die?” “Couldn’t you pick up the coin, throw it somewhere else, then make the wish again?” “Did the parents get airdropped back from Bali? Or are they stuck there now?” “sick burn” “dude got his coin back” “oh really you’re just going to give it away like that?” “what the fuck” “facial expressions” then waved his hand around

“Fucking cheek twitch” “no emotions” when Sam was in frame

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural #supernatural s4 #supernatural rewatch

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punishedsurge · 1 year

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SBFC 002: The Feel of a Podcast

Pat: Are you eating nuts?? Are you GOING NUTSSS?!

They discuss how podcast names should be naturally made during the episode’s runtime. Matt bangs out the title of this episode in under 90 seconds.

Dork Girl cameos in the background this episode. [She’s Woolie’s now-wife, right? Man, they did record at his place for a long time.]

Liam played Muchi Muchi Pork!, a bullet hell game. They force Liam to talk about it after trying to skim past it. Pat asks if the girls are over 18, Liam is confident at least 2 are. [I imagine most of them aren’t.]

Woolie calls AoT Shingeki no Koijin, Pat hates it. Dork Girl says just call it SNK, with leads into a conversation about abbreviations having overlap. FF is Final Fantasy, Fatal Fury, and Final Fight.

Pat proposes GoW, which is God of War and Gears of War.

Liam: Gears of War is ‘Gears’ to me.

Matt: And I always call God of War ‘Disappointing.’ But so is Gears Judgment.

[all go awwww]

Pat: It’s true though.

Liam: This is the first con I’ve been to in seven years where someone didn’t say ‘The Game’ as a phrase. [Got your ass 10 years later lmao, good job Liam]

Matt goes to the zoo to see red pandas with his lady friend, who I’m sure is Crymetina. [She doesn’t listen to the podcast because Liam talks about anime; she’s a keeper.]

The older trio talk about Disney cartoons, which eventually leads to only Matt and Woolie talking about NES Disney games.

Pat: Man, I really didn’t have a childhood.

Pat watched The Wire in the week between episodes. Woolie states that Spike Lee, Alan Moore, and Obama [not Malik the other one] love the show; Pat calls them crazy Warlocks, Matt brings it together by saying they’re a cabal of warlocks that live in a cave, which Woolie finishes by saying they encircle The Wire dvd box set. They also say The Wire has ruined every other cop show. [I haven’t seen it but it’s probably true.]

Woolie played Journey with his gf; Pat played with “SmokesBluntz420”. He also caught up with AoT, he said he stopped watching anime after Gurren Lagann and AoT brought him back in. He loathes shitty fan translations, proceeds to shit on the correct translations without knowing. [What a shit time for anime, trying to pirate it was so not worth it.]

Matt: I haven’t watched [AoT] because I’m busy working.

Divekick talk. It came out 10 years ago today! Zubaz got updated to have Fighterpedia on his shirt. [They spent a lot of cash putting Zubaz in indie games, jeez.]

Matt: I want a Booty Call game made by Telltale.

[I forgot that a thing for a while, ‘have Telltale make your choice-based narrative game’. Well, everyone sure did. Turned out great I heard, even!]

Woolie: Ubisoft, who continue to actually slowly gain my respect agin…

[It’s always funny to see praise of a big game corporation from the past.]

Woolie’s point is that Ubisoft announced Child of Light, it is lead by the Far Cry 3 creative director. Essentially, he thinks it’s cool he went from doing AAA games to something a lot smaller. They are excited it’s running on the UbiArt Engine, at the time it was only used for the Rayman IP. He claims the dev team is also 1/3 women. [I wonder how many of them still work there since the shitty work culture was alive and well then.]

Pat describes the potential work culture of the company as “grind on a AAA game and make it sell well, then you can make whatever else for 2-3 years until we need you to make money." [It’s not an impossible idea, Obsidian made Pentiment in between their far bigger releases, for example. Again, it’s funny to think about Ubisoft workplace culture after knowing all the foul shit they’ve done.]

Barkley 2 talk. Truly a flash in the pan the first game was. They’re excited for it, Liam pledged a high enough tier on Kickstarter to get a CyberDwarf body pillow. [I wonder if he still has it.]

Games for Windows Live is officially closing. Woolie pairs it with EA Origin as ‘things that aren’t Steam that refuse to die.’ [Microsoft just rebranded the service with Xbox decals, it has cross-buy on select titles with the consoles; it also touts PC Game Pass more heavily than their actual store front. Origin just copied Game Pass’ model and is now bundled with GP.]

Killer is Dead launches to ‘tepid’ sales in Japan. It sold 20k on both consoles, Bionic Commando sold 24k. Matt argues that because the former’s sales are in Japan while the latter’s is in America, Bionic Commando still sucks more. They wonder why it sold the way it did, is it because people are tiring of Suda51? Lollipop Chainsaw is apparently the best selling Grasshopper game, Liam says. [Good job, James Gunn.]

Woolie says Poolside Identity is great, and that K. Dot’s Swimming Pools. [I prefer remixes over original songs too when they fuse niche things I like together, but jfc that’s a take alright.]

Gamescom predictions. Pat says they won’t announce an Xbox One Kinect-less skew. [He was right.] He also believes the earlier release of PS4 at a cheaper price will be a deciding factor. [Way too right.] Liam and Pat go back and forth over the decision of Xbox to go so hard with promoting Kinect, Liam is ‘I can see their business strategy for it’, Pat is ‘that shit is dumb’. Then there’s reference to the NSA news of the camera potentially spying on you, which they don’t go into because Matt and Woolie interrupt with talk of showing their cocks on Uno.

Sony at Gamescon predictions. “It’s going to be a big show for Vita, but it is a PS4 focused show,” so says John Sony. Pat wantsa Vita game, pushes back on “Vita is dead” claim by fans by saying 3 games for Vita would be a big show for the handheld. Woolie mentions that every game at the show for PS home consoles will be required to have remote play for the Vita.

Slightly off topic of Gamescom, they speculate on the rumor of a new Vita; they believe it’s so Sony can compete with a new Samsung phone called the Galaxy Mega, which has a 6.3in screen and a 720p resolution. Liam thinks the rumor is all crap. Liam finishes with reminding us that the Vita priced dropped in Japan to $210 USD, Pat comments that it needs a price drop and 2 more ‘killer apps.’ [Probably means for it to be successful in the West/North America].

[It’s funny to hear all the hopium for the Vita’s success, but not because it failed to perform and stay relevant. When you compare it to Sony’s new handheld (Project Q), it’s such a superior product and all it does better is just play games on its hardware without an internet connection. As someone who streams GamePass titles on my phone at work, it functions far better than remote playing from my Xbox; it’s still inferior to native hardware by a wide margin. The fact Project Q can *only* do remote play via wi-fi (as far as we know) is such a blow to this wretched device. Maybe Vita deserved better…]

FGC News:

Persona 4 Arena is getting an update, only is an arcade location test at the moment. They talk about new HUD stuff and character.

Woolie: You know what matters more to fighting games than story mode? Gameplay—

Matt: I don’t know about that. [Gottem, Matt]

Matt facetiously laments how Arcsys can make so many fighting games in so little time and Capcom can’t pull one together at all. They talk about game development; it’s not lost on anyone paying attention. Pat believes Arcsys is stealing Capcom’s crown when it comes to fighting game relevance. Matt is hyped for the newly announced Killer Instinct. Thunder looks awesome visually, Pat groans at the other’s excitement.

D4 talk. They say, “Twin Peaks”, the end.

Anime news. Space Dandy announced YEEEEEAH! They love the creator’s work but have some trepidation about the sexual nature of the show, Pat believes it’s tongue in cheek. [It is]. Liam also mentions the team’s interest in localizing the series and believes more anime should do it as well. [I want to say Space Dandy was one of the first ‘Simulcast’ anime, but idk for sure.]

Letter time, letter time.

“Why’s it called TheSw1tcher?”

Matt tells the story of how he beat his friend to school after he missed a train.

Pat: Oh god— I based my entire economic fortunes on this dumb joke??

“What game had the best soundtrack?”

Woolie: Katamari Damacy

Liam: Streets of Rage

Matt: Mario Galaxy 1

Pat: Anything by Simon Viklund

“Will Woolie ever cut his hair?”

Woolie: Never.

Matt: Unless Comicbookgirl19 tells you to.

“What does Liam think of Rwby?”

Liam didn’t watch it, they talk about Monty Oum’s former body of work. Mentions Xiao Xiao and Egoraptor. Dork Girl watched it, doesn’t have much of an opinion about it though.

“When will you nerds talk about Jojo All-star Battle?”

Pat bought it, importing will take it a while.

What’s coming up: Rustlemania, 2 new playthroughs. Maybe Matt’s Bomb-ass Zoo Adventure.

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absolutepokemontrash · 3 years

Note

Brothers reaction mc who takes thing to literally.

Some one told them "I dont what to see your face here again."

So then the next day mc is wearing paper bag on there head.

Oh man this is going to be FUN-

Lucifer

MC, no. When he said “you’re being deliberately obtuse” he was not calling them a triangle.

Lucifer picks up on MC’s behaviour very quickly and learns to refrain from using certain phrases that could be taken the wrong way. But at first, hoo boy.

He thought MC was just a massive smartass who was making fun of him. It took a few lectures until he realized that MC was legitimately confused, which also confused Lucifer.

It’s become sort of a habit for him to over explain things to MC to make sure they can’t misconstrue the meaning of anything anyone says. It becomes such a habit that he begins to do it to other people, making it look like he’s more of a pompous fuckwad (affectionate) than he actually is.

Either way, he’s here for MC. Though, some of the slip ups were quite funny, he had to admit.

Mammon

Ugh, dense human… what was with them?! He’d die a happy demon if he never had to seem ‘em again! Wait- where are they going? Is that a fuckin’ blindfold?! What kinda kinky shit-

Oh… Mammon said he never wanted to see them again, so they brought out a blindfold… was this human bein’ a smartass or were they legit confused?

After Mammon drops the “I’m going to eat this stupid human” attitude, his life becomes exponentially better. Mainly because the human he has a crush on is hilarious without meaning to be.

“Break a leg out there, MC!” “…are you going to pay my hospital fees..?”

Leviathan

“Anime is the best form of TV and movie entertainment.” “Is it though?” “Bite me, Human.” “Alright then-”

So on the very first day of the exchange program, MC bit Levi. Geez, and here everyone else was thinking that the human was the one at risk of getting bitten.

After that rocky start, Levi and MC do end up becoming friends, and Levi tries to show them that anime really is the best form of entertainment.

“You’ll cry your eyes out at this ending, MC, I promise.” *ninety minutes later* “L-Levi… *hic* my eyes are *sob* still in their sockets…”

Satan

Ah, well this is interesting.

At first Satan was interested in finding out if MC was just messing with everyone or if they really did think everything was insanely literal.

So to test his theory that MC was just faking it, he began saying short common phrases around them.

“He really wears his heart on his sleeve, you know.” “If he does, then how is he still alive? Your heart pumps blood through your body, if it’s on your sleeve you’ll die!”

When Satan can’t detect even a smidge of deception in this human, he gives up. He’s the master of being fake! This human is telling the truth…

Similar to Lucifer (🤢) he takes the time to explain to MC that when Levi said he was going to yeet himself off this mortal coil that he wasn’t serious and MC should get off the suicide prevention hotline.

Asmodeus

Ah, the king of being over dramatic and using a shit tone of hyperbole. This’ll be fun.

“Oh MC! I just had the worst day today!” “Oh no! Did a war start?! Are we in danger?!” “N-no, I lost my favourite nail polish…”

MC just does not get Asmo and Asmo does not like that. MC needs to stop asking questions and just comfort him already >:(

Well, he didn’t like it at first anyway, a few months in, and MC is actually having a really positive effect on Asmo.

“Well… I guess it is just one sweater of mine that got ruined. I have a thousand more in my closet!” “Really?! A thousand-” “MC, no.”

The Avatar of Lust learns that not everything is the end of times. He also learns that he needs to be very careful with his dirty talk or MC will say something about it.

“Oh MC, sweetheart, I’m going to [REMOVED FOR THE SAKE OF THE WORLD AT LARGE]” “But babe, that’s not possible, for me to be able to [REMOVED FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY] I’d have to [AAAAAAAAAAAAAA]”

Beelzebub

It’s okay MC, this happens with him sometimes too.

Not to MC’s extent of course, but it still happens.

Honestly, when it comes to Beel, MC’s complete inability to understand hyperbole and metaphors comes in handy. They truly believe the threat that Beel will kill a bitch if they eat his food.

It kept MC safe that first little while in the Devildom.

Beel is fully ready to protect MC from anyone who might try and take advantage of this… he’s not sure how one might go about doing that, but he’s here to be MC’s bodyguard second bodyguard anyway.

Belphegor

Hehehe… so the human’s funny, huh? Good… they will make a fine member of the Anti Lucifer League…

The fact that Belphie and MC are partners in more than just crime does not stop Belphie from purposefully confusing our poor MC.

“Ugh, talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater.” “BABY?! Belphie what’s going on??” “>:)” “BELPHIE?????”

It’s never not entertaining, and since Belphie is an asshole, he almost never runs out of material thanks to Google.

Though, Belphie’s tomfuckery once almost led to MC squaring up with another demon but that’s not a story for now…

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me!#obey me! shall we date?#Obey me Headcanons #obey me! headcanons #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #Obey me Leviathan #obey me Satan #Obey me Asmodeus #obey me Beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor #obey me mc

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creampill · 2 years

Text

here are some very correct Viktor headcanons

Viktor/Reader Headcanons!

- WARNING not all of these with be specifically romance based. Some of these are just me sharing some facts about my husband okay don’t cancel me please

- this man eats ungodly amounts of spicy foods just to feel something. The amount of PURE FIRE HELL FOOD he can handle is a bit alarming actually, he doesn’t even tear up unless it’s really bad

- can’t cook for shit. He’s the college student who survives off of microwave noodles and those salad kits except he doesn’t put ‘em in a bowl he just eats them straight from the plastic packaging

- he’s the type of person to be like “no I cannot cuddle I am working.” But as soon as you convince him to cuddle he is NOT letting go ever. He is comfy and cosy, also let him rest he needs it

- he likes touching your hair :) has his hands in it a lot when cuddling

- not huge on PDA, but he will be glued to your side and subtly bumping into you and sharing little in jokes with you whenever you go out together, even before you two are romantically involved

- he loves kisses !! Giving them and receiving them. Especially the sweeter kind of kisses, like on the bridge of his nose or his hairline or his hands (kiss the back of his hand and watch him melt like butter)

- when he wants to work and you want to sleep, he’ll bring a book to bed and read it aloud. His voice is very calming and helps you sleep (because GOD his voice is nice)

- finds English pet names weird to say (I hc he’s like that with a lot of English words), he will give you pet names in Russian instead.

- also, will teach you little Russian phrases and won’t tell you their (correct) meaning. He finds it funny.

- modern!au? He’s a gamer nerd. He has a stupid amount of hours in elden ring. Also, he has every bug in animal crossing. He’s definitely a completionist, I could see him being a speedrunner.

- (…hextech? No. rgb pc build)

- he’s a coffee drinker, obviously, but he will NEVER consume energy drinks. He would rather die. (Those are for jayce)

- he’s transmasc.

- idc what canon says. That’s a trans man.

- please remind him to take his meds, take yours with him, bribe him with cuddles to take them, whatever you gotta do.

- has a thing for himbos/bimbos/thembos. (yes, jayce is evidence for this)

#reader insert #x reader #arcane x reader #arcane x you #viktor #viktor x reader

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dreamescapeswriting · 3 years

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BTS Reaction || S/O Swearing In Another Language [Request]

A/N: First of all if you can speak another language props to you cause I can barely speak English and I’ve been speaking it for 24 years also I don’t speak any of these languages so if anything is wrong please tell me haha

SEOKJIN: (Yiddish)

For a while you had been teaching little bits of Yiddish to Jin whenever he asked you to, he found it great when he could insult one of the boys and they would have no idea what he was saying to them,

"Teach me another one." He begged as he laid beside you in bed one night, you rolled your eyes playfully at him trying to think of something you could tell him,

"Gay Kocken Offen Yom." You stared at him as he tried to figure out what you had said but he shook his head,

"You'll have to tell me, all I got was "ocean" at the end there." You giggled softly before explaining what you said to him,

"It's just a phrase, I said 'Go shit in the ocean', it doesn't really mean anything but you said to teach you something." He began saying it over and over again until he had the pronunciation perfect.

YOONGI: (Hindi)

Yoongi was familiar with the Hindi language since you would frequently use it around the house whenever you got the chance to, even teaching Yoongi and Namjoon a few phrases whenever they wanted to learn something new so when he heard you yell out in Hindi it was no big deal until it was followed by a loud smashing sound,

"Maa-dar-choo!" You screamed out before a loud smash sounded, Yoongi lept up from the sofa and raced into the kitchen to find you running your hand under the cold tap and repeating the word over and over again.

"What happened?!" He questioned as he saw glass on the floor with spilt food all over the place,

"I grabbed the dish when it was hot," You hissed, whispering the same phrase under your breath as the cold water cooled your skin down.

"What does Maa-Dar-choo mean then?" He questioned as he cleaned up the floor trying to distract you from the burning pain you had in your hand.

"Mother fucker," You laughed softly looking at your hand to see if you needed a doctor but it was nothing more than a small burn that would heal from home.

"Swearing in Hindi," He tutted playfully as he shook his head,

"Hey, you swear in Korean all the time." You nudged him as you began helping him clean up.

HOSEOK: (Polish)

Ever since you and Hoseok had gotten back from food shopping he'd locked himself in his home studio doing something, you figured he'd gotten a random boost of inspiration and decided to leave him while you packed everything away at home and made some dinner for the both of you. Hoseok had been acting weird since you swore in the middle of the supermarket, a man grabbed your ass not knowing that Hoseok was with you and you swore at him maybe he was embarrassed about it.

"Hobi? I made us some dinner," You whispered as you walked into the studio, he turned around in the chair was a red face. At first, you thought it was angry but then you noticed he was laughing and laughing very hard,

"What's so funny?" You whispered, laughing softly since his laughter was so contagious.

"You told him he was a fucking asshole?" You bit down on your lip remembering that you swore in Polish in the middle of the store, yelling out " Jebany dupek ," which literally translated to "Fucking Asshole," it explained while Hoseok was laughing so hard.

"I had no idea what it meant so I came back to look it up," You groaned laying your head on his shoulder while he tried to get you to teach him how to say it properly.

NAMJOON: (Greek)

You and Namjoon hadn't been dating long when you got into a small meaningless argument over something you could no longer remember but the both of you were so heated it continued to build over nothing until he finally gave in and walked away from you,

"Malaka," You mumbled under your breath not thinking that he would be able to understand you but he started laughing as he turned to look at you. He knew you were in a fight but hearing you call him an "asshole" in Greek he couldn't help but start laughing.

"xeris oti katalavaino?" You blinked at him as he said "You know I understand?" and you couldn't help but join in laughing with him.

"I thought I could get away with it," You whispered, kissing his chin as he kissed the top of your head.

"Not quite, maybe learn another language." He winked before going off to order you both something to eat.

JIMIN: (Swedish)

Jimin was in awe of you as you began ranting to him in both English and Swedish, switching between the languages right in front of him as you continued to ramble about a driver in front of you that had cut you off in the middle of the road,

"He nearly hit me! The idiotic- Agh! - Hjulet Snurrar Men Hamstern är död!" You yelled out as Jimin stared at you, blinking as he tried to think of what you could have said but the only word he thought he would have known was Hamster but nothing made sense if you had said Hamster.

"What?" You questioned as you could see how confused he was, his eyebrows were pressed together as he tried to work it out.

"What did you say...The Swedish part, I didn't catch it." You felt your body heat up in embarrassment but you repeated what it meant to him,

"The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead...Just means the guy was stupid," Jimin blushed as he kept trying to repeat it, promising he was going to use it for Jungkook one day if he ever got the chance to.

TAEHYUNG: (Spanish)

"Come Mierda," You spat out at someone that began yelling at Taehyung for nothing, the man stormed off while Taehyung watched you closely trying to figure out what you had said in Spanish. It always amazed him whenever you would switch to a different language but this time he knew that it couldn't have been a good thing that you had said and he was interested in knowing what it was.

"What did you call him to make him storm off?" He laughed as you sat down beside him in the restaurant again, the two of you were trying to have a nice evening but the man began yelling at you both for sitting too close, for being too loving to one another when it had nothing to do with him. Then the man began attacking Taehyung for no reason and you lost him,

"I called him a shit eater, I don't think he knew what it meant though," You laughed softly reaching forward for your drink.

JUNGKOOK: (Bulgarian)

Jungkook was laughing while you and Jimin bickered over who was cheating in the game of Uno that you were having, there was a power outage in the city so you and the boys were making the most of it while you could.

"That's cheating!" You yelled out as Jimin placed down a plus 4 to end the game on, of course, it sparked the debate on whether or not you were allowed to or not.

"Jungkook!" You whined as he took Jimin's side, Jimin smirked at you smugly so you threw the cards down and began mumbling in Bulgarian thinking that none of them would be able to understand what you were saying but Jungkook started laughing loudly as soon as he heard you mumble,

"Kon da ti go natrese," Jimin began demanding to know what it meant while Jungkook died of laughter on the sofa,

"T-They told you to go and get fucked by a horse," Jimin pouted before storming off in the other direction while Jungkook continued to die of laughter on the sofa.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @taestannie @rjsmochii @kneel-begyourpardon @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1 @innersooya @agustdjoon @jin-from-the-block @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk

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nordic-language-love · 4 years

Text

i see a lot of “anxiety is...” posts circulating and it makes anxiety sound all dark and poetic and tragic and yeah okay anxiety is a lot of crying alone in your room but it’s also a lot of dumb shit like:

peeing in the dark at other people’s houses bc their bathroom has multiple switches and you’re scared one of them is the house’s self-destruct button

not buying the groceries you need bc the other person in the aisle might judge your choice of yoghurt brand and start laughing at you, then call everyone in the entire store over to laugh at you too

worrying that you’ve accidentally telepathically posted that weird/mean/dirty thought you just had to your facebook

trying to settle into a nice daydream but then your brain makes it ALL GO WRONG and then you end up crying bc in your mind you just killed all your friends and now you’re in jail and your family won’t talk to you and you have to remind yourself that it’s not fucking real?? like fuck you imagination why can’t we have nice things

turning up like an hour early to events bc you have to account for traffic and finding parking and the fact you’ll probably make a wrong turn and get lost in a one-way system, and you absolutely CANNOT BE LATE bc if you arrive late there’ll be nowhere to sit and people will look at you as you walk in and then they’ll laugh at you bc you walk funny and you have nowhere to sit

turning up like 30 minutes early to things you regularly attend bc despite the fact you know the walk only takes 15 minutes you doubt your own judgement and assume it takes 45 and this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME my GOD why do you never LEARN

making up some last-minute excuse to not go to an event bc you aren’t sure what the dress code is and you’re sure everyone else just has an intrinsic knowledge of these things and they’ll all laugh at you if you ask (even if it’s been explicitly stated bc it might have changed and people forgot to tell you or specifically didn’t tell you so you’d turn up in the wrong thing so they can all laugh at you)

secretly wondering if the only reason you got invited to dinner is so they can poison you so they can finally be rid of your dumb annoying ass

(not that you'd go to dinner anyway bc what if you don’t like what they’re cooking and you have to either not eat it or be sick? and what if they laugh at you bc you eat weirdly? oh my god do not get me started on this just trust me going to dinner is the actual worst)

going to the doctor to talk about a problem you actually have (ie your anxiety) but you’re scared they’ll think you’re faking or just stupid so you chicken out of telling them and just make up a different problem that you don’t even have to justify your being there

just kinda assuming that every time you leave a room people start talking about what a stupid and awful person you are and how hilarious it is that you think they like you

spending like 3 hours debating the phrasing of the ‘happy birthday’ message you’re trying to write on someone’s facebook wall before just giving up bc they probably don’t even like you anyway

being scared to think dumb thoughts bc you’re worried people can read your mind and they all think you’re a stupid freak, i mean god who actually thinks things like that??

getting panicky at the thought of having to drive somewhere that you’ve literally driven a hundred times before bc wtf driving is so dangerous and terrifying why on earth does anyone do it and you’re convinced you can’t actually drive and you’re definitely going to crash

not being able to sleep bc you have a weird spot on your face that is probably literally just a spot but you’re 100% convinced it’s face cancer and now you’re gonna die

(feel free to reblog and add your own so we can all laugh at our dumb brains together bc honestly i actually find it really helpful to acknowledge that my anxiety thoughts are super dumb and the situations my brain perceives as life-or-death are actually not a big deal at all)

#not languages #anxiety #mental health #q

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iamfruitie · 2 years

Text

In Too Deep Chapter 26

Brotherly Love

Mare woke and was shocked to see he was alone in the bed. He must have been really out if Mad was able to get up without waking him. This is why he hated emotions, getting into them and feeling more than just the basics were always so exhausting.

“Hawk, who’s in the house?” Mare rubbed at his face.

“In the master bedroom is Mare. In the kitchen are Madrick and Jackie. In bedroom two is an unregistered guest and Albert.”

“How many spare bedrooms are there?” Mare asked himself.

“There are a total of five spare bedrooms.”

“I wasn’t…whatever.” Mare sighed. He had a feeling of who the unregistered guest was. “Hawk, how do you get to bedroom two from the master bedroom?” As Hawk listed off the directions, Mare got dressed, finding that Mad has hung up some of his clothes in an empty part of the walk-in closet attached to his room. This house was an endless supply of surprises.

He did get a little giggle out of the idea of Mad taking care of his clothes, having them cleaned and put away. While he was aware that Mad had cleaners to help take care of the large home, he couldn’t help the little thought of Mad wearing a maid’s outfit of sorts. He didn’t even think of Mad cleaning, he just liked the idea of the outfit and how flustered Mad would be in it. How he’d likely be trying to tug down the short skirt with one hand while the other would be up towards his mouth, near those wonderfully plush lips and red cheeks and eyes silently begging to have the breath kissed out of him. Mare was now dying to go shopping for some accessories and-

“Do you need me to repeat the directions?” Hawk asked when he was given no response.

“Oh, shit. Nah, I got it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t sass me.”

“If you get lost, I can help redirect you.”

“I’m having you uninstalled.” Mare grumbled and left the room, pretending to not hear Hawk’s response of ‘good luck’.

Mare made his way towards the spare bedrooms, now understanding why it took Jackie so long to get to the lab from there. This place was huge. He needed a proper map of this place or something. Eventually, he made it to the room and he just walked in, seeing Phantom laying on his stomach on the bed and petting Al. Al stopped his purring to hiss at Mare and then continued to rub his face against Phantom’s hand. Of course, the cat would like his brother and hate him.

“Phan?” Mare watched as his brother’s eyes started to fill with tears.

“It’s nothing.” Phantom turned his head to hide his face in the pillow. Mare sighed and went over to the bed, sitting on the edge and rubbing Phantom’s back.

“I now get why you’ve been giving me shit about Mad.” Mare felt Phantom’s body move as he sniffed. “You like Jackie, don’t you.”

“No. I don’t like anyone.” Phantom’s voice was muffled.

“You wouldn’t be crying right now if it was really only sex.”

“I’m not crying.”

“Phan.”

“I-” Phantom grunted as he curled his legs up under him, sitting up a little so he was kneeling next to Mare. “He’s a sweetheart.” He spoke softly. “He’s so nice and caring but still funny and sarcastic.” Mare wrapped his arms around Phantom, pulling him into a hug. “They always die, Mare. They always do.”

“Not always.” Mare was rubbing Phantom’s back again.

“You said it was unlikely they’d find Mad…do you think it’s the same for Jackie?” Phantom leaned against Mare, letting his tears fall freely.

“We’ve covered for each other our entire lives, this is just another ‘twin chaos’ for us to handle.” The phrase got Phantom to chuckle a little, it becoming a new sniff.

“What if Jackie won’t forgive me?”

“I think a quick explanation can get him back.”

“You want me to be with him?” Phantom looked up and had a bit of a smirk.

“As long as he makes you happy.” Mare clicked his tongue.

“But you don’t like him.”

“It’s complicated and I’ll get over it.” That got both of them to laugh.

x~x~x

“So…” Jackie was sitting at the kitchen table with Mad, the two eating some pancakes that they had made together in silence. “Vampires?”

“Yeah.” Picked at the dry pancake in his hand.

“He’s...bitten you?”

“A couple of times.”

“Does it hurt?”

“A little at first.” Mad flushed a bit. “And then it feels really…good.”

“Oh.” Jackie shoveled nearly half a pancake into his mouth.

“Do you like Phantom?” Mad’s blunt question almost got Jackie to choke. He waited until Jackie downed the rest of his milk and coughed a few times.

“Give a man a warning.” Jackie’s voice was hoarse.

“Sorry.” Mad put a piece of pancake into his own mouth as well.

“But…yeah,” Jackie admitted. “It wasn’t long after Mare showed up that I started uh, ‘talking’ to Phantom.”

“You mean sex?”

“Yeah.” Jackie rubbed his neck. “But it quickly started feeling more than that. I don’t know, I just, he’s fun. He’s loud and unafraid to ask for what he wants, straight to the point and not beating around the bush.”

“He likes you.” Mad stated.

“What makes you say that?”

“I think that he and Mare are fairly similar, at least when it comes to expressing themselves. They both are highly sexual from what I’ve gathered and seem to use that to either show their feelings or hide from them. They don’t stick around after having sex if they don’t care about the person they’ve been with. Mare’s talked about being used to leaving right away and not thinking much of it…they haven’t left us. Phantom hasn’t left you. He’s sticking around like Mare is and I know Mare likes me.”

“Damn.” Jackie leaned back in his chair. “So you and Mare are official then?”

“I…” Mad went fully read in the face. “Oh my God, do I have a boyfriend?” He made a face when Jackie let out a loud laugh.

“That’s a talk for you two to have.” Jackie chuckled before suddenly letting out a sigh. “And I think me and Phantom need to have a talk as well.”

“It’ll work out.” Mad gave Jackie a smile.

“Thanks, Maddy.” Jackie smiled back.

------------

Tag List: (Feel free to ask to be added!)

@dungeon-dragons-dragons @justyoursicanon @angst-anonn @damnthedead

#madmare #fruitie writes #emotions~

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mde1011 · 3 years

Text

when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them

how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!”

⁃ “once an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or something”

⁃ “...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAP” “what’s...whats wap?” “...WORSHIP AND PRAYER”

⁃ “HOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKER”

⁃ “i’m naked” “...no you’re not” “i can be...”

⁃ “uhhhh i’m in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorly”

⁃ “i should go first i’m naked”

⁃ “yEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMS”

⁃ “what are you going to do?” “i...have no idea i think i’m gonna start out by punching a tree”

⁃ “tOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?”

⁃ “i aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiM”

- “...i want freedom !” “you want BALLS.”

⁃ “...down the line. yeah that’s where we discover the art of cannibalism” “oh it’s an art?” “it’s an art”

⁃ “oh there’s some logs here. wonder what they’re saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah that’s very racist” “tommy you gotta burn those logs.” “burn ‘em before they spread their racism to other logs”

⁃ “are you pooing?” “*whisper* i’m charging up-““ “he’s ejaculating on the tent.” “he’s WHAT?”

⁃ “he’s sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOING” “i’ve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhalo”

⁃ “we should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying ‘muffin’ is a, is a slur”

⁃ “i was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbad”

⁃ <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um

<tommyinnit> boobed

<sapnap> kill you

<tommyinnit> boobs

<sapnap> if this happens

<tommyinnit> think about boobs man

<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy

<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED

⁃ “why is this deadman so good at making drugs”

⁃ “i just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me out”

⁃ “memento memento me-“ “that’s actually the worst word i know so you can’t keep saying that” “oh, really.....? have you ever heard the term ‘racist’?”

⁃ “the person who invented the phrase ‘be yourself’ hadn’t met you!”

⁃ “you seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drown”

⁃ “shout out to dream for twerking!”

⁃ “let’s talk......let’s talk about sex” “wonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?” “i ain’t saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year old”

⁃ “what the- i think i’m seeing things” “....tommy i told you not to drink the sea water” “well i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TO”

⁃ “it’s like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconut” “whAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted this” “it one hundred percent does”

⁃ “oh mastICATE.....isn’t that when a fish turns inside out?”

⁃ “what are some bad words YOU know, clay?” “i don’t-“ “what about ‘terrorist’?”

⁃ “my mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on water”

⁃ “you wanna know why i was late?” “no i really do-“ “i was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE poo”

⁃ “jUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMAN”

⁃ “i love america. mmmmm patriotism

⁃ “LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROG”

⁃ “please stop taking the cock”

⁃ “two four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government let’s gooooooo”

⁃ “oooo look at the dogs😍” “wHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.”

⁃ “yeahhhhh bitch i stab- i don’t stab women-“ “woooooooah tommy you stab women?” “heyyyy sapnap”

⁃ “do you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? there’s only one place to go.” “.....side to side😨” “down.” “...i really thought you were gonna say side to side🥺”

⁃ “one last time.” “just like in hamilton😓”

⁃ “you don’t know how many times i’ve mistaken trees for hot women”

⁃ “ i don’t feel better i just destroyed penis”

⁃ “i’ve never seen a snail with bad morals”

⁃ “awwwwwwww😢 i’m doin’ drugs🤧 just like the good ol’ days😓” “.....define the ‘good old days’” “back when i did drugs”

⁃ “have you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.”

⁃ “the only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....”

⁃ “did you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?”

⁃ “apparently cats don’t lay eggs”

⁃ “thinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit it”

⁃ “we’re in hell dude. science doesn’t matter here”

⁃ “i cant die i cant die i’m GOD”

⁃ “hey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?”

⁃ “are we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METH”

⁃ “he- he’s crying because - because i killed his mother isn’t that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonest”

⁃ “bro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...it’s not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8” “what did you do” “i cant say” “...who did you hurt” “....only myself”

⁃ “je suis” “ay i know what that mean you prick” “what does it mean” “it means you’re racist dickhead”

⁃ “i’d never poo in the presence of a women- which is why i’m scared to get a girlfriend i think i’d just explode”

⁃ “biff tannen is one of my idols”

⁃ “black widow died and i thought ‘wow it should’ve been the man’ because he’s a man”

⁃ “there’s a character called captain america and i think he’s stupid”

⁃ “i’m a GOOD LAD i’ve got GOOD MORALS and if i’ve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITED”

⁃ “sam....what’s the longest you’ve ever wiped your arse? for me it’s 48 minutes”

⁃ “why are you standing in the shitter?” “....that’s a SINK” “uhhh welllll” “hAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????”

⁃ “you’re like a living ghost” “...i think that’s called a human, tubbo”

⁃ “maybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go ‘april foooools!!!’ and then i kill their child. i kill him”

⁃ “you built a penis” “it’s a PENIS OF SAFETY”

⁃ “i saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friend”

⁃ “the penis on the other side of the river is larger” “ive heard that before....”

⁃ “you’ve turned the penis into a wall” “a wall of safety is better than a penis of safety” “i think the penis was better”

⁃ “if you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make it”

⁃ “i don’t conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!”

⁃ “yeah i- yeah i know i’m- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- i’m not one for first impressions”

⁃ “i-i’m scared for him- i’m scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?”

⁃ “where are you?” “getting stabbed, one second”

⁃ “you’ve seen the joker?” “yea-“ “i resonate a lot with that man” “...oH. oh. that’s- that’s not-“

⁃ “he bURNT DOWN MY HOUSE” “out of LOVE”

⁃ “ohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kid” “o-okay if you don’t go play with him i’m kicking you out of the house-“ “wHAT THE FUCK???”

⁃ “there’s a STRIP CLUB” “oh yeah for wood!” “are you into strippers?” “i mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesn’t really do much”

⁃ “no no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-“ “no, no i’m gonna stop you right there”

⁃ “as i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, that’s an A-tier poo, my friend”

⁃ “i want you to eat your sock”

⁃ “you know i’m a child- i’m a minor” “sO AM I DICKHEAD”

⁃ “everyone is calling you dresus” “yeah i am”

⁃ “ayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGAS” “no no big q- she’s thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?”

⁃ “my poo has muscles like i do”

⁃ “i cant hear the words among us without crying they’ll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*”

⁃ “tubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like mary” “.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?”

⁃ “i’m just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?”

⁃ “do you smoke sam” “all the time”

⁃ “i thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drug”

⁃ “have you ever sold drugs to kids sam?” “......no”

⁃ “we can’t let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelings” “that would not be good”

⁃ “THEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMO”

⁃ “you have obviously taken part in scientology-“ “i have not-“ “you’ve donated to tom cruises cult shit”

⁃ “....am i worse than david dobrik?” “are- are we worse than david dobrik?” “oh- oh god”

⁃ “he has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller ‘the bible’- this kind of looks like a cock”

⁃ “well i’ve moved now, KING”

⁃ “what is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lot”

⁃ “yeah yeah yeah i bench”

⁃ “sam i think i’m angsty i think i’m an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me out”

⁃ “i don’t think you’ve followed the train of logic all the way-“ “there’s a TRAIN INVOLVED????????”

⁃ “i’m like the orange fucker from that animated rom com”

⁃ “i’m under the influence of big cock”

⁃ “it’s meeee big cock man”

⁃ “i cant look away” “sam please use your twitter alt for this” “he’s horny on maaaainnnnn” “and what’s wrong with that?” “.......”

⁃ “you’re a FUCKING IDIOT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCK”

⁃ “i’m gonna call you ‘cockity’ big cock” “sHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

⁃ “STOP LOOKING AT IT” “ITS SO VIBRANT”

⁃ “at least this guy doesn’t have a cock-“ “itS NOT A COCK” “horny on main jesus-“

⁃ “is that a cock” “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

⁃ “.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a split”

⁃ “okay sam-“ “tommy that guy wants your cock-“ “no- no he doesn’t sam”

⁃ “sam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.” “i don’t act up-“ “you were acting up-“ “i-“ “you were caught in 8k.” “but- but we both agree it’s not a tie-“

⁃ “please don’t tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmed”

⁃ “why is there an anus in my tie?”

⁃ “what are the legal implications of this?” “...i mean besides hell you’re good”

⁃ “whatre the legal implications?” “i mean usually that’s a no-no but today, today it’s fine” “yeahhh lets go murder his family”

⁃ “i’d be an antivax landlord”

⁃ “jesus never does drugs” “well- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcohol”

⁃ “can you put on pants i can’t- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-“ “yeah sam i know you tried-“

⁃ “you know i fuck with satan”

⁃ “i’m sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-“ “oh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-“

⁃ “are you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?”

⁃ “even the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-“ “oh jesus, and i mean jesus-“ “shUT THE FUCK UP MAN”

⁃ “the best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-“

⁃ “......why did jesus give him four scrotums man🙁🙁”

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adorethedistance · 4 years

Text

City Slicker, Cowboyfriend - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, nerves, mentions of covid.

Words: 2163

Summary: You’re starting to have doubts about moving all the way to Norman until a shopping trip to Ikea turns into the meet-cute you’ve been waiting for.

A/n: This isn’t a request or one of my Valentines day fics, this is just something that I have had stuck in my head ever since Owen posted this on IG and bc I’m facing total writers block with my other pieces I cranked this one out in a few hours to get the ball rolling again. Hopefully. Enjoy this totally unproofed, fluffy madness!! (Because who doesn’t need more Owen content in their life?)

There are perks to moving and one of them is undoubtedly: shopping. For furniture, home decor, kitchen utensils, whatever! Granted, shopping alone can be tedious and, for some, like pulling teeth, thus, I’ve enlisted the help of my best friends Leila and Chelsea. I didn’t even have to bribe them to come because everyone loves getting lost in Ikea. It’s one of the best things about the human experience.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been in an Ikea,” Leila says to no one in particular as we walk through the onslaught of staged bedrooms.

“What?! Are you telling me you don’t get meatballs and lawn chairs on a weekly basis?” My exaggeration makes Leila laugh as she steps into one of the display kitchens. Looking between me and Chelsea she asks,

“What would you do if I turned the handle then a jet of water sprayed out?”

“Die, I guess.”

The three of us continue through the faux house displays and past the mattresses despite Leila’s urge to jump on every single one. As we walk through the section of different lighting features, I sigh with a frown as I think about college. I changed my bachelor’s to an associate’s so I could graduate in two years. Chelsea’s parents moved out here at the end of our senior year in high school, and she moved with them to study in Norman. Leila in turn went to Arizona for an athletic physical therapy gig, leaving me to face college alone in L.A.. In the two years the three of us were apart, we missed each other more and more, and after determining which of the three states we lived in was cheapest, we packed up and headed East. Covid kind of delayed our plans. But after a few months, I picked Leila up from Arizona and together we chased open job opportunities into Norman, Oklahoma. The three of us found an apartment space to live in together and thus, we ended up in Ikea on this fine Sunday afternoon.

Snapping back into reality I see Leila standing directly under a light that’s hanging very low from the ceiling. Once standing directly underneath it, she pulls down her mask and opens her mouth, rising to her toes to eat the fixture.

“Leila, don’t you dare fellate that light bulb! You’re gonna get us kicked out.”

I swear I’m practically their mom when it comes to behaving in public. Figuring they can’t hurt themselves in the college dorm section, I lead them quickly through it and into the giant furniture warehouse section. On the far wall, I see a large poster of a couple smiling brightly behind Chelsea, but I don’t bother to read the text. Leila and I spot the poster at the same time, and the imagery jogs her memory.

“Chelsea, how’s Hunter? Haven’t heard from him slash about him in like a week,” she asks about Chelsea’s boyfriend of a year.

“Oh, yeah, he tore a ligament in his wrist.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I guess he moved it wrong or something and put too much stress on the area that it just tore. He was moving hay bales into the horse stables.”

“As opposed to the chicken stables,” Leila judges under her breath, which makes me snicker as a result.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating a literal cowboy,” I interject, “Like, I know we’re in Oklahoma, and he’s from Tennessee, but we saw Texas on the way out here and that’s cowboy country. Norman seems more...” I trail off in search of delicate phrasing.

“Just barely marry your cousin territory, but still downing chewing tobacco whilst driving a lifted truck?” Leila hits the nail squarely on the head.

“Yeah, that sounds about right-” Before I can continue giving my thoughts on Norman, I cut myself off at the sound of laughter behind me.

“Sorry. We weren’t trying to eavesdrop, that was just really funny.” When I turn around, I see a guy roughly our age dressed in all black with bleach-blonde hair, speaking through light, broken laughter.

“No worries,” I dismiss the apology as we pass by one another, and out from the dressers section. The three of us continue into the different sections, and come to a stop once I see we’re exactly where we need to be: dining room shit!

“Cowboy boyfriends aside- oh my gosh: cowboy boyfriends. Cowboyfriends,” I say getting lost in my new terminology. Both of my friends share a mix of laughter and gasps and my ingeniousness. “Anyway. Cowboyfriends aside, how is Avery?” I ask Leila who begins blushing madly.

“She’s really good. We were just making plans for our three year anniversary, which reminds me to tell y’all I’m flying back to Phoenix to surprise her.”

“Awwww,” I nearly tear up and the sweet image of Leila and her girlfriend reuniting, “Y’all are so cute. Both of you and your partners. You know, being the only single friend in this group has made life suck a lot. Y’all are so happy and in love and not dead inside. Honestly? Get fucked both of you.” Despite my harsh words, the three of us break into a lighthearted conglomerate of laughter.

“We’ll find you someone… eventually.” Leila pretends she also can’t hear the last part of her sentence despite being the one saying it.

“I know, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me to find love in Norman. I don’t need a cowboyfriend, and we’re not gonna find a true city slicker here either.”

When I finish my statement, I see our blonde friend seems to have followed us. I observe he comes to a stop in front of another guy in a flannel with a shopping cart. The way they jump into conversation with one another parallels the animated body language Leila, Chelsey, and I share. I continue to watch their exchange as Chelsea speaks up.

“Maybe you need someone right down the middle.”

“Yeah, like a guy who drives a truck but uses it to transport Ikea furniture instead of a whole ass tree that he’ll carve into a chair.” A small laugh escapes my lips, at both Leila’s statement, and the scene ahead of Blondie pretending to strangle his friend over something. I’m snapped out of my nosy yet endeared stare as a third guy appears. He’s a sandy blonde with billowing locks tucked under a trucker hat. And he came from behind me and my two friends to place something in their cart which keeps his back toward me. When he turns back around, my mind goes blank. Any thoughts of shopping for dining room chairs has left my mind. He is wearing a face mask, but he has such nice eyes that he could have a giraffe snout under the mask for all I care. I see him look up from the shelves, directly into my eyes. We stay locked for a moment before he breaks away and turns to his friends. I slowly turn to my friends too who are both giving me the exact same look of excitement and conspiracy.

“He’s really cute,” I sigh out with a laugh, swooning much louder than I’d have preferred.

“He has a face mask on,” Leila points out, her expression dropping from excited to cynical.

“Still! I can just tell.”

“Girl, what are you doing? Talk to him!” Chelsea whisper-shrieks.

“Shhh, I cannot take you anywhere!”

Glancing back at the handsome stranger, we connect eyes once more and I feel my face heat furiously as I realize he was already looking at me. I’m the first to break; I consult my friends for the best course of action and as I’m turned 180 to face them, Chelsea starts pretending to hyperventilate excitedly. Leila looks over my shoulder for me, discreetly surveying the other trio in the dining chairs aisle.

“Don’t look now, but he’s talking to his friends and looking between them and you.” I can hear in her voice she’s trying her best not to smile despite wearing a face mask.

“Should I give him my number?”

“Yes!”

“What are you waiting for?”

“I’m nervous! What if he’s gay?”

“Will you just get over there? I promise you a gay man would not be wearing what he’s wearing right now. Maybe a lesbian,” Leila adds for good measure.

“You guys are freaking me out, I need you to leave so I know you’re not judging my flirting.” I shoo my best friends out of the aisle as inconspicuous as possible. Kinda wish blondie would’ve done the same because when I turn back around, the other trio hasn’t moved and the only one looking at me is the one in all black. He quickly averts his eyes though and I take one last deep breath before walking over to the stranger. I tilt my chin up ever so slightly to fake a sense of confidence that I unmistakably don’t have right now.

“Hey.” Really, Y/n? Hey??

“Hey,” he greets back breathily. Why is he nervous? I’m the one who gets to be nervous! Man, he’s really cute. I can’t fuck this one up. I’m not doing so stellar right now. Perhaps you should say something else, dipshit?

“Uhm,” I should’ve scripted this. “I just wanted to say that-” You’ve got this. Don’t be a bummer. “I-uh, I think you’re really cute and I was wondering if I could give you my number?” My speech is slow, each word deliberate in spite of the fact that I feel like I’m having an out of body experience right now. I’m not the one in control of the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Upon realizing why I walked over, blondie’s friends take the question as a sign to leave and less than inconspicuously back away from the two of us. Trucker hat spares them one last glance over his left shoulder and judging by the look flannel gives him, they were definitely talking about me in their team huddle.

“Uh, yeah. I was gonna ask for your instagram- if you have one, that is.”

“I’m cool with both.” The two of us reach for our phones and unlock them with anxious hands. I move to hand him my phone with instagram open, and he trades me for his which has a new contact open. I type my name and put my favorite heart emoji next to it after triple checking the number is correct. Wow, you’re just so ballsy today, Y/n!!!!! I give him back the phone, scanning the instagram account he’s just opened and followed for me. I hear him exhale a little harder as a small laugh and can only imagine it’s from the stupid heart emoji.

“Owen,” I say in a hushed, endeared voice, fully not intending to say it out loud. “You have a million followers?! Oh, you’re an actor. OH… You’re an actor.” I really don’t need to be speaking my entire thought process right now in the middle of this Ikea. Exhaling a small laugh of my own, I see we already have a small bunch of mutuals, one of which is… Chelsea??? Looking up from my phone I turn around to see Chelsea and Leila watching the interaction from around the corner of one of the industrial shelves.

In the flurry of scattered likes, I see him find my account and follow me back. I accept the request, nervous of what he thinks of me without a face mask on. What do I think of him without a face mask on? Going back to his account, seeing his entire face is even better than just his eyes. I was right, Leila: he is cute.

“You’re really pretty,” I hear him almost sigh as he combs through the grid of my account. The comment makes my heart beat all the much faster and I finally look upward to get a glimpse of Owen in the flesh. Still as beautiful as the last time I checked!

Sparing a quick glance over my shoulder, he looks back down at me and laughs,

“I think your friends got tired of waiting.”

“I think yours did, too.” The other members of our trios come back into the aisle we had kicked them from more or less two minutes ago. We connect eyes once more and stare longingly, wordlessly at one another, so lost in each other’s beauty our friends have to break up the staring contest of infatuation.

“Y/n?” I hear Leila behind me.

“Uh, well, I have to get back to chair shopping, but- text me later?”

“For sure.”

“For sure,” I mimic his voice.

“Guess I’ll see you later. Y/n.”

“Yeah.” And with that, we’re pulled apart by our respective best friends, through the vast expanse of the Norman Ikea.

“What was that?” Chelsea asks, excitedly linking arms with me.

“I don’t know I- Wait, you have some explaining to do!”

***

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @lilyjoyner

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