Some of my favourite lines from my plans for shitty One Piece / Zosan drawings + fanfics Part 5
Oh noooo, I'm still here.
(You can't kill me)
law kinda interrupts like 'if you would do the honour of cutting your argument short, we have to depart soon, and your captain is starting to gnaw on the grass out of sheer gluttonous hunger, so if everyone could get to their posts before your navigator's head starts erupting with lava, that'd be great'
- Bro's just tired, man. He didn't ask for this shit.
sanji's kinda bleary as he comes to and he's like 'first of all, why the hell have you bastards kidnapped me?! second of all, why am i tied to a chair?'
- This wasn't intentional but now every time I go back to this all I can think of is Sam from TGWDLM goin "Charlotte, baby, where am I, why am I tied to a chair?"
the dude's like 'alright, slow down swirlylocks'
sanji's like '…my hair isn't swirly'
the dude's like 'shut up.'
- Guy just needed the pun, leave him be.
the other three are kinda like oy vey and one's like 'go get that damn manual, you buffoon. you must'a did it all kinds'a wrong if the person you tied up is complaining about the quality of your work!'
- He's trying his best, alright?
sanji's like '…that's a porn book. the naked people are naked cause it's porn.'
the dude's like 'ohhh…' then he's like 'oh!' and chucks the book/comic thing away
- Egads!
after a few seconds he can only kinda weakly mutter out 'you're gonna... pay for... this' before he blacks out again as they all laugh insert full house music
- Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there's a face, of somebody who needs you-
the childhood friend dude shows up at the railing off'a like, idk a fucking jetski or some shit - probably just a boat idk
- Guy's a little wacky with it, shit happens.
the childhood friend dude raises an eyebrow and smirks bemusedly like 'seriously, you're a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an igneous, dude'
- Literally just quoting mlp at this point, boys 👍
zoro's fuckin dumbfounded and is just kinda dimly like 'y… you said all that about me, cook?'
sanji turns to face zoro and is still bright red like 'shut the fuck up right now or i'll shove my foot so far up your ass you'll think you grew a second spine and i'll be wearing your tiny, mossy brain like an anklet'
zoro huffs an amused breath, although still a bit shell-shocked, while ray's like 'oh yeah, he also said that your shoes are untied'
zoro looks down at his shoes like 'huh?'
- 1. Ray's the 'childhood friend dude' 2. He listed off a bunch'a shit Sanji had told him in letters. 3. 🤨🤨
nami just puts up an a-okay sign like 'don't care, sanji'
robin just smiles and goes 'i can say with utmost certainty that they are in fact pieces of clothing that you are currently wearing, sanji'
- R.I.P
then law just fuckin shows up outta nowhere and they're all like 'wtf'
- Uh-oh, surprise Law event.
law just kinda grimaces, briefly glancing at luffy who's sorta struggling like a cockroach
- He's a creature. A li'l guy, if you will.
luffy just mopes like 'but namiiii~ it looked like food, and i was hungryyy'
usopp's just exhasperated like 'it was clearly made of polystyrene'
luffy's like 'so?!'
usopp's like 'polystyrene is not food!'
luffy's just like 'you don't know that! just cause it made me throw up doesn't mean it wasn't food! lots of things can make you throw up! lobsters, crabs, goats!'
- Nothing will stop me from constantly referencing everything all the time. (The 'lobsters, crabs, goats' part is in reference to TTO).
'also who're you calling uptight and swirly?!'
zoro gets annoyed as well, smirking, and they do the head bonk grr thing, like 'who do you think, ammonite brows? you've got a stick shoved so far up your ass it got lost and bent itself over your eyes!'
- Oof.
and it's just a bit like crackaboom uh oh we can't deal with this well
- Hate when that happens.
and the dude's like 'not much' then he calls over this servant or whatever from their gang and bites his fucking fingers off
- Really hate when that happens.
then his eye gets like, sparkles in it, and he straight up explodes
- Lost another one 😔
and zoro just kinda looks at his ass
then narrows his eyes sorta fry-like and goes 'mhm…'
- I call this piece 'Contemplation of a posterior.', the bidding will start at [REDACTED]
zoro's off to the side having heart palpitations or some shit
- Bitches and their heart problems, I swear.
usopp, luffy, chopper and franky are just annoyed screaming while sanji's like 'JUST DIE ALREADY!'
- Zoro is no longer held in high esteem by the council.
then sanji's got a gun in one hand and it's straight up in zoro's mouth and he's still gripping the robe with the other hand and he's like 'I'M TELLING YOU-'
- The idea of everything being relatively normal before one character suddenly has a gun and is threatening another out of nowhere is a brain worm that I can't remove.
snooj blush more die sink down floor dead zoor like wha
- wha
then sanji goes 'so how'd you meet levy?'
gajeel's like '…'
then kinda like '…i crucified her' and sanji's just like 'excuse me-'
- And that's how I met your mother.
sanji just groans in agony and slumps down further before melting into goo (lesgooooo)
- Lesgooooo
and they flip over to brook and rip his whole fucking outfit into two equal sides and he's like 'yoho?!' then tiny text 'oh my?!'
- Oh my.
then he does like that fist pump thing and exhaling out his nose komi-san style and he's confident < - fool
- 🫵 Fool.
8 notes
·
View notes
Some of my favourite lines from my plans for shitty One Piece / Zosan drawings + fanfics Part 4
Ah, the bitch posts for the first time in a millennia and it's just one of these again. Top of my game.
basically just a magical baby acquisition fic, woohoo?
- Woohoo.
and there's just a fucking baby hangin out kinda slumped over sanji's leg
- Aw man, how'd that get there?
they don't really pay much attention to that anyway cause like - a baby just fucking spawned in front of them and they're mostly focusing on that part, right
- I mean, I feel like if I touched a statue and a baby just materialised on my leg, I'd be pretty concerned also.
they come back out and are just kinda like 'we found this' and hold the baby up
- Me when the local plant life and I team up to locate a magic infant.
and luffy goes 'booo~! sanji brought back a baby, we can't eat that~! …or can we?-'
- 🤨
'since of course same-sex couples were frowned on in those days. and by frowned on i mean that they would be stoned to death, but regardless.'
- Yoooo, Robin telling it like it is.
'you made a big deal when you made a fucking child'
- Zoro hates children question mark exclamation mark?!
zoro is like 'you just fucking said it was an accident, how do i have any more part in raising that thing than you! just fucking put it back or something, i don't know!'
sanji is like 'first of all! we can't just send them back to where they came! can we…?'
and robin smiles like 'no, i don't believe there's a way to unbirth the child'
- No post magical statue birth abortions today boys, R.I.P.
zoro tries to object but a couple of the crew, maybe nami usopp franky and luffy kinda boo and jeer at him and zoro huffs
and he's kinda like 'so, uh… baby that materialised out of weird cult magic… did you ask to be born?'
- Booo, boooo! Ask the baby existential questions!
franky snaps a finger then a tiny hand comes out of his big hand and snaps a finger again and his hair turns into a snapping finger
- Bro's emoting into the 6th dimension, what the fuck.
while zoro goes 'even if i don't want the fake magic spawn here, doesn't mean i'm gonna kill it. i'm not that dumb or violent.'
sanji kinda smirks like 'and people say you aren't self aware'
zoro's just like 'die.'
- Oof.
and luffy's like 'alright! sanji'll be the best katniss gargoyle you've ever had!'
usopp's just like 'not even close'
- 🤨🤨
chopper goes 'it's kitsune guardian, luffy'
he's like 'that's what i said! sanji's already got all that stuff you said. he's super strong, super nice, he's 21 and umm… what was that last one?'
zoro smirks like 'virgin'
and sanji's like 'oi.'
and luffy's like 'that too! super virgin.'
- basically, dude's gotta have a few specific qualities to fulfil the role he straight up got dragged into and those were it.
also: 🤨🤨🤨⁉️⁉️
nami just konks him over the head again and now he's got two head injuries (🥳)
- 🥳
then the elders are kinda just like '… his name, please.'
sanji's like 'three brain cell style.'
'…'
'algae'
'…'
'the green one'
'…'
- Roronoag Zorgo 👍
immediately the crew are kinda like 'woah' then like 'awoooga. hoh-uh hoh-uh. wink wink nudge nudge cough cough hack' right
- Humina humina.
and sanji's a bit on fire, just a little
- Oopsy doodles.
and sanji straight up just rams a sandal in his mouth at mach 4 speed glaring pure death
- Nyoom.
4 notes
·
View notes