#eating drywall as we speak

[obsob]

the accolade ( the...the cat-olade...)

[yellowbentley]

me and texas going to watch spiderverse. he thinks its cool yeah ok whatever. im having a category 7 autism moment. i have an entire new personality and blorbos now. i love you but in this moment you are nothing

[red-dyed-sarumane]

tenshi is literally the u have the rest of ur life to accept u will never save her and yet she does the exact opposite trying to convince herself she can save her bc thats the only way she can handle whats happening to herself

[paramountie]

Fraser is literally so distracted this ep. The way he says WHY as if he never considered being locked away from everyone and everything is something to feel sorry about. WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT FOR A KID

[cottoncandysprite]

Just saw the new Puss in Boots in an empty theater with my friends, nearly cried 3 times, and when we got in the car the first two songs that played on shuffle were Gimme Gimme Gimme and The Chain. Clearly I am god's favorite today

[koumeowkami]

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL KILL OURSELVES

[unchartedthelostlegacy]

i refuse to believe we didn't do this in Iraq too. I refuse to believe we didn't bomb schools hospitals places of worship libraries advocacy organizations for people with disabilities etc all while pretending we were searching for one guy or WMDs. we have committed these atrocities before. we would have seen this in 2001 if more people had cameras on their phones capturing video and an internet connection. there is one playbook and it has one entire page

[emeritusterzo]

DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE

DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE

[qrowpilled]

seeing ppl say rwby volume 9 might not release until early 2023...anguish pain sorrow etc etc

[pyreshe]

every time i think about good kid from the l.ightning th.ief musical in reference to miss livvy i see fucking shrimp colors and begin to gnaw off my own leg im so-

[shakesthewizard]

Hi please explain about fabianxadaine???

Okay since you asked so nicely here's the fucking thing about Fabadaine

First, some background info

Before we dive in, you should know a couple things. For one, I'm a firm bad kid polycule truther. You could truly pitch me any pairing/grouping of those kiddos and I could find a really ineresting and/or sweet dynamic to eat the drywall about

You should also know that I'm gonna most likely remember some details during this analysis - if you spot them, please let me know by putting them in a bottle and throwing them into the ocean.

Second, some character meta

Adaine O'Shaughnessey is a girl with a lot of courage. It's sort of her defining character trait. The idea of "a wizard with an anxiety disorder" brings to mind someone pretty timid, who's afraid of speaking their mind. But from her first appearance, we see clearly that to Adaine, her disorder is pretty explicitly medical. On her first day of freshman year, she's already talking back to her horrible parents and trying to stand up for herself. Long before she gets access to medication, her disorder hinders her the way an asthma attack might; it has no bearing on her willingness to do the courageous thing.

Relatedly, Adaine thrives under adversity. Not abuse or mistreatment, mind - what I mean is that she likes it when people push back at her a little, so that she has opportunities to test her ideas and opinions against dissent. Look at her dynamic with Aelwyn in season three. Those two bicker and banter; they poke at each other, but it's how they're expressing things like concern or pride.

You could argue, probably well, that this is a product of sisterhood, and a product of their history in particular. But I think there's more to it than that. We see throughout the show that Adaine is a person who cares about exceeding; about learning and growing and achieving great things. It's classic wizard.

Adaine is the child of the wealthy and the important, and that shapes everything about her. It influences her struggles; her abandonment issues in particular. But it also shapes her goals, her values, and her attitudes. She seeks recognition for her skills and her labor, and she wants the people she loves to challenge her so that she can grow and make them proud.

Fabian Seacaster is the son of a famous man and a natural talent. His showmanship is clear and evident from the first moments we see him, and it's reflected in his character build from the start. He's a Champion Fighter, after all.

This showmanship is, frankly, a testament to Lou Wilson's masterful understanding of characters. That single trait can be picked apart to help us understand everything about him.

Fabian is a showman because he was raised as the scion of an up-and-coming house; given every tool he needed to learn his parents' skills, and to prepare him to take the Seacaster name when the time comes.

Fabian is a showman because he believes wholeheartedly in his own greatness. His whole life, he's been surrounded by tutors whose whole job it has been to mold him into the perfect son, and they were paid enough to care about doing it right.

Fabian is a showman because he knows he's earned his own arrogance; wealth or not, pampered lifestyle or not, we see him scold his fencing teacher when he goes easy on him. Fabian isn't blinded by his privilege (or at least not entirely) - he genuinely cares about being the best, and he'll give up the luxury if it means greatness.

Fabian is a showman because he's deeply anxious. Bill and Hallariel clearly love their son, but being the only child of a world-famous pirate, tasked with being their emissary to Solace for future generations, is an unbelievable amount of pressure. Fabian has to be perfect to the world outside. He can't just be good; he can't just be great; he has to be Fabian Aramais Seacaster, Son of the Famous Bill Seacaster!

Fabian is a showman because he has to figure out who he is, somehow. Who is he, outside of his father? He certainly doesn't know, but suddenly he realizes he has to know, for his own sake. So he does what any kid does when they're trying to figure out their identity - they act out.

Finally, what I understand about Fabadaine that nobody else does

Fabian Seacaster and Adaine O'Shaughnessey are the children of the wealthy; the important. They're both second generation Solesians, sent out to represent their families. They're both ambitious people who are trying to achieve great things outside the expectations of their parents. They're both proud and straightforward, prioritizing their values over social niceties.

Adaine and Fabian both carry the swords of their dead fathers.

To put it simply - Fabian and Adaine are really good foils for each other, and I dislike when their dynamic is reduced to classic highschool boyfriend/girlfriend tropes.

As an example, a number of fics I've read have Fabian pursuing Adaine, and that simply doesn't hold up. Let's be honest here - Fabian has terrible taste in women, and has a bad track record of making the more self-destructive choice whenever romance is on the table. I have no doubt he likes Adaine, but he would also know that she'd hold him accountable and challenge him when he makes stupid choices. No, Adaine is the one initiating here.

The thing that really draws me to this pair is because both of them need and want to be challenged, but each of them has a different attitude towards challenging others, and it makes for an active dynamic that can evolve in a lot of interesting ways.

You know what, check back later. I need to write fic about this.

[stealingpotatoes]

The last episode of Ahsoka-

Literally- blow my mind- I had to stand up at least 3 times cause I was just so ???!!!!! !?!?!?!?!?!?!!??

Words can’t describe

The feeling that felt - xD

YEAH IM GONNA GO INSANE UNDER THE CUT ONE SECOND:

BITING THE FUCKING DRYWALL. BITING THE DRYWALL GNAWING CLAWING AND EATING IT. IM JUST. WHEN THE STAR WARS IS GOOD!! WHEN THE FANSERVICE ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE!!!! LIKE YES WE GOT TO SEE TCW ANAKIN AND TCW AHSOKA IN LIVE ACTION BUT IT ALSO ADDED TO THE STORY AND GAVE US CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR AHSOKA AND SAID YEAH, THE FUN TONE OF CLONE WARS WAS BC THE CHARACTERS COULDN'T DEAL WITH IT ANY OTHER WAY. THEY WERE PEACEKEEPERS AND CHILD SOLDIERS WATCHING FRIENDS DIE ON THE DAILY AND IF THEY DIDNT JOKE THEN THE GRIEF WOULD TAKE OVER. AND THEY DONT SEE THAT IN THE MOMENT BUT ADULT AHSOKA REALISES HOW STRANGE IT IS

AND YEAH HAVING HER PLAYED BY A CHILD (also wow ariana greenblatt does such a good job i literally cant not imagine her when i think of babysoka now) RLLY DRIVES HOME HOW YOUNG SHE WAS. HOW FUCKED UP IT WAS. BUT ALSO WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES OF WAR ARE!! ALL THIS SAID WHILE FORCE SENSITIVE CHILD JACEN'S SO HEAVILY IN THIS EPISODE. AND W THE KANAN MENTION!!!! LIKE ITS POINTING OUT LOOK THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN WAR AND IF AHSOKA DOESN'T END THIS THEN JACEN WILL HAVE TO BE LIKE HER AND HIS FATHER AND I AM ONCE AGAIN BITING AT THE DRYWALL. IT DIDNT JUST GIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IT GRABS YOU BY THE FACE AND SAYS THE RETURN OF THE EMPIRE IS SERIOUS. WAR IS SERIOUS. ITS NOT THE CARTOON YOU GREW UP WITH.

AND ALL OF ANAKIN JUST GESTURES TO ALL OF THAT. HAYDEN SLAYED SERVED CUNT THROUGHOUT HE'S SUCH A GREAT ANAKIN NOW HE HAD SO MUCH RANGE TO THE CHARACTER AND THE FLICKERING ANIVADER AND RED LIGHTSABER. HE'S BOTH AT ONCE AND AHSOKA HAS TO ACCEPT THIS AND IM EATING DRYWALL AGAIN.

calming down for 2 seconds the cinematography was great this episode and the pacing was a definite improvement from ep1, which filoni also directed! this played into his directing strengths a lot better w the action and emotion. i won't lie i'm still not sold on the show as a whole i do think eps 1-3 were okay i guess, 4 was a step up and 5 is like. wow ok go girl. also the way they used anivader in this episode made me rlly sad for the kenobi show bc that show should've been smthn like this, using him as a vision for obi-wan's development instead of the villain of the show bc thats a tired fight but hey! this is abt ahsoka not kenobi i digress. SPEAKING OF loved how it was actually ABOUT the titular character for once. anyway. going insane. i don't have too much faith the show can keep this up but i'll be happy if it can reach smthn close to this as it goes on

[jakelcckley]

Okay, but what kind of arguments would the reader and Steven have?? I always see fics about fights with Jake or Marc, but never Steven 🤔

TO BE WORTHY OF YOU

Another steven grant request! Okay so i wrote a little fic about it, and this is about the reader and steven having their little fight. I apologize if this comes a little late and also for the terrible grammar. 🥹🫶🏼 Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it!

pairing: steven grant x reader

Word count: almost 1.6K

Steven entered the flat and you watched him intently from the couch that you are sitting on for hours now; your mind was a mess the entire time. There have been no any kinds of greeting from him, not even a kiss on your cheek, his sweet endearments, nothing of those. He just went straight right to the kitchen, and the flat made you feel empty even if there were two of you in it.

Steven was avoiding you for almost two weeks now and you couldn’t bear anymore this silent treatment that he’s giving you. He would only pass by you like you're some kind of drywall, or he would front early in the morning to leave the flat before you could wake up and let Marc take over once he got home for the rest of the night. Even Jake is getting frustrated with fronting more than his usual quota (not that he doesn't love spending time with you, he's mad at Steven for putting you through whatever this is).

(”Steven...” Marc trailed off as he treads his finger on your hair. You are using his lap as a pillow and you immediately looked up at him when he mentioned Steven's name, “Steven doesn't speak to us anymore. He’s refusing to talk, y/n. You and I fully know well how you could only bring him back.”

“He’s blocking us out, mi amor,” Jake blurted out one night when he invited you to drive around the city using his cab. His one hand is gripping your thigh and the weight of his hand serves as an anchor to your thoughts. “We couldn’t see anything, and Vato’s getting major at it.”)

The thing is, steven was the first one to avoid you. You expressed your worries about him taking extra hours in his new job, which caused Steven to arrive home late every night. With him pulling extra hours at the firm, Steven started missing dinners because he prefers to rest instead nowadays causing him to not eat properly. The bags under his eyes are only getting darker and darker. Steven doesn't say it, but you can tell that he's already tired, and the exhaustion is also taking a toll on Marc and Jake with their duties, especially whenever Khonshu is calling for them on a mission. You are worried that their health would collapse at the time that they least expect it.

You couldn’t sleep at the thought of your loved ones leaving you over and over again. You don't know what will you do if you lose another person who’s dear and close to your heart.

To save them all from this, you decided that you will end this tonight.

"Steven," You called out to him and turns the television off. The television is just an excuse for you to stare emptily in a distance. "We need to talk."

“I-I’m tired love, I can’t do this right now.” Steven quietly says from the kitchen. His back is turned and you felt a stab in your heart when he doesn't want to look at you.

"No, I'm not taking that as an answer, Steven." Your voice rose in annoyance, "You need to stop doing this! Everything is getting worse and it's like I don't know who you are right now. You might be avoiding me, but I can tell that you are exhausted for days now, Steven. Marc and Jake couldn't--,"

"There it is," Steven cuts you off before turning around to face you, his eyes are dark and his eyebrows are pinched together furiously and his face is red with suppressed anger, "This whole caring thing, this is just about Marc and Jake yeah?"

You froze at his words, "What do you mean?"

“You know very well what I mean,” Steven spat angrily. He was never this angry at you. “It’s because they had it more, yeah? Compare to me, I’m just a twat who doesn’t have anything that could satisfy you, right? It’s what this whole thing is about. Steven is just a useless twat.”

You couldn’t believe what Steven was saying just now. But you knew that there was a reason why he is like this.

“Steven, I have never saw you anything like that.”

Steven smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. It is as if he's mocking you. "Right," He said bitterly before turning his back once again. Steven walked off to his study table to unload his bag, "Marc or Jake will be here anytime now. You don't have to worry about me anymore."

With his words, you started fitting all of the puzzle pieces altogether until you finally formed an answer to all this.

After a few seconds, you cautiously walked closer to Steven who was standing motionless by his study table. Carefully, you wrapped your arms around his waist and rests your face against his clothed back. You started breathing Steven in. Finally. You missed hugging him, kissing him, being surrounded by him and of course, everything about Steven.

You heard him let out a deep sigh and felt Steven’s tense shoulders slowly slouching down as if the invisible weight on his shoulders is finally melting away. After a minute of hugging him from behind, Steven turns to face you, but this time with no traces of anger and jealousy on his face. Only the Steven that you knew. Your arms are still wrapped around him and your hands are clutched firmly together behind him. You are sending him a message that you're not going to let him go this time.

"Hi," You greeted him with a soft smile, "Let's talk about it properly this time, alright?"

After a beat, Steven finally nodded and you dragged him to the couch before pulling him down to sit beside you. You cupped his face in your palms and traced his cheekbones. He looked helpless and vulnerable, and this causes you to do it first. You slowly leaned in and presses your lips onto his. Your heart skipped a beat when he immediately responded by meeting you in-between and his hands reaching up automatically to touch your face. You parted your lips and Steven slid his tongue to meet yours before he sucked gently, and the action causes you to emit a soft sound on the back of your throat. Both of you became one by consuming each other sensually after weeks of no kind of interaction.

You missed Steven so much that it pains you to pull away and he chased the ghost of your lips like he still needs more. You reminded yourself that you still need to resolve one thing tonight. You smiled softly and removed the stray curls on his forehead. You rested your forehead against his and stared deeply at his brown eyes.

"Talk to me, Steven Grant."

And finally, Steven did.

Steven started feeling “useless”. He felt like he was just a man in the body who happens to have zero skills at anything. He claimed that he is clumsy, he stutters whenever he’s nervous, he lacks the confidence that Marc and Jake have and he’s got nothing to offer. He became insecure about what he has compared to Marc and Jake: Steven doesn’t have any prior knowledge of fighting, and he fears that one day, Steven might cause damage to you if he didn’t do anything right. He fears that he wouldn’t be able to save you from any harm and that Marc and Jake will blame him for losing you. He loathes himself so much that someone like Steven started thinking that he doesn’t deserve anything, especially you.

So, he did his best to help through another thing, which could be only achieved by persevering in his new work. His new boss is leading him by saying that Steve will get his promotion in no time if Steven can finish all of the dickhead’s backlogs and it should be done before the day ends. If Steven got the promotion, then he would be able to take care of you better and provide you with all of your needs, wants, and most importantly protection.

“Steven,” you stopped him, and he immediately shuts up. his head hangs low in embarrassment, and you hook your finger in his chin up to make eye contact with him. “You know that I love you alright? I love you all equally. I love you as much as I love Marc and Jake. And You are not useless.”

“but—"

“No buts!” you interrupted him, “You are incredibly smart and you, Steven Grant, have everything to offer. If it’s not because of your knowledge about Egypt's history, then we wouldn’t be able to discover where Ammit’s ushabti lies. You helped on beating Harrow and his men, and you were there too when we won the whole thing. You’re giving yourself far less credit just because you think that Marc and Jake are superior when it comes to fighting but the truth is, we would not be here, alive and talking in our flat because of you.”

You cupped his face between your hands. “I love you, Steven Grant. I love you all. You three will never lose me. You don’t have to worry about me because I will always be safe and content with everything that we have in our flat and in this world, only if I am with all three of you here in one piece.”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Steven pulled you into an embrace. You can feel him tightening his arms around you in an almost protective way.

 “Fuck, I’m such a twat,” Steven cursed and you could feel his heart hammering against his chest, “I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry for ignoring you for weeks, making you worry and also for hurting you. I promise I will make it up to you, I’ll do better than being such a mindless twat,” 

“Well then,” You lifted your head away from his chest while still embracing him, you look up at him with a suggestive smirk and a glint in your eyes. You trail your fingers on the outline of his bicep through his black button-up shirt, “Steven Grant, what are you suggesting to make up for your two weeks of ignoring me?”

Steven’s eyes glazed at the suggestion and his pupils are already blown wide, “I have a lot of things in my mind, darling,” He whispered and his voice rough with lust, “We will need the whole night to do all of it.”

You capture his lips with yours and twine your fingers at his curls, both of you are chasing each other hungrily full of passion and yearning. You want him to be closer to you, to feel him inside you, to do all of the things that he has in his mind. You bit his bottom lip hard and it made him groan.

“Good thing baby,” you panted against his lips, “You have the rest of my life.”

[biblicallyaccurateangeloncrack]

Genshin and hsr characters as pinned messages (out of context) from discord servers with my friends: a shitpost

(uhhh cw some nsfw jokes and cuss words)

wriothesley: "i do not want an alpha transformation happening rn "

march to danheng: "my coquette lungs are better than your emo lungs"

hu tao: *ghostly voice* "oooooogly boogly why'd you skadoodly me?"

xiao, learning how to spell: "i lvove elmo music"

childe: "he is in my feet"

klee: "yeah my grandma's actually kim kardashian"

bronya to cocolia when she got sick as a kid: "Mother please carry me outside before to see the sky one last time before the consumption takes hold of my body and soul"

hu tao: " "weenis", said eerily"

bennett: "THE SANDWHICH TOOK ME OUT"

blade: "that link is longer than my plans for the future"

serval: "i pledge allegiance to the american bra"

itto: "i am in heat growls the summer has come and i am in heat growls"

zhongli: "*old man voice* when i was your age i fought kids"

stelle/caelus: "when i was my age i eated drywall"

fu xuan: "JING YUAN ILL SNIPPERS YOU UP IF YOU DONT STOP WITH THIS GOOBEROUS SHIT"

diluc, about venti: "i like to prentend he was a fever dream i came with at 4am"

fréminet, trying to speak french: "they said Lyney tu dumbass"

sampo: "I think Luka would beat up Luka while Luka watches. and then Luka would join in and beat the living daylight out of Luka"

silver wolf, about blade: "ppl with lactose intolerance boutta have their 2nd period ongomg"

kayea and rosaria: "we're a match made in the deep dark depths of the abyssal caves in fuck knows where"

jingliu: "am i.........one of those queers........."

yanquing: "shout-out to my home dawg Charles aka history teacher for dropping this wisdom on me"

shinobu: "itto if you say anything penis related you are banned"

ayaka as a kid: ""please take me to the garden so that way i can see the shining sun for the last time before my frail body decomposes with the disease known as ligma""

lyney: "imagine Neuvillette seeing a bunch of orphans blow up infront of him"

yoimiya: "are you really friends if you dont have matching vagina bracelets ??"

wriothesley: "My name is actually marlinus maximilianus Merlin guys"

caelus/stelle: " *bites your toes playfully* "

Pompom: "i eat gender for dinner"

xiao: "is life without endless pain and suffering only for it all to end leaving nothing but emptiness and all your suffering being just for the entertainment of the entity that we call god. an entity who is the real reason as to why we humans end up hurting others, for pain and suffereing is nothing but an endless spiral no matter how hard you try."

kafka, messing with blade: "do you like the gay foot"

yanfei: "YOU CANT LET IT GO LET IT GO YOUR WAY OUT OF A RESTRAINING ORDER"

kokomi: "DEMENTED DOLPHIN"

Furina: "they oui oui'd me"

shenhe: "the cld never bothered me anywa......."

kiara: "agressive meow"

ganyu: "are you a tree cause i wanna eat you"

dainsleif: "while youre kissing you bf or whatever ill be watching in the walls"

venti: "I FART ON PLANES"

scaramouche: "childe I will shave you bald"

itto: "perry plaptypussy"

seele, in response to hook's drawing: "10/10 Einstein could never"

razor, to bennett: "I WILL LICK YOU TO SLEEP"

sucrose, about to collect more bones: "*deranged loud breathing*"

kequing, to half of liyue: "SHUT UP COLOR WHEEL"

cyno: "genderfluid people's favorite song is liquid smooth"

kequing: "the feminine urge to beat up your coworkers with a stick"

dehya: "i piss on biphobes" kaveh: "but what if they have a piss kink..."

albedo: "he looks like a failed science project"

baizhu: "blowjob? nah, blownose"

silver wolf: "story time, honkai star rail made me leave my brother at a gas station and i do not regret SHIT"

blade: "if i end this year without killing myself its a miracle"

columbina: "btw dead bodies take less space if you bury them like theyre standing up"

zhongli: " *cracks back and walks away leaving a trail of dust behind"

@muachiro @geetkk @veimwah @etherific @zohakutenstan

[teen-heart-throb-mr-hyde]

ok. more thoughts on this page.

we’ve seen all the main characters use these “speech boxes” as opposed to speech bubbles at various points. they tend to be used to show a character narrating, telling a story or recounting past events so we can see actually see these events play out while they talk about it, rather than just standing around a dumping a bunch of exposition.

jasper in chapter 8,

rachel in chapter 11, (though this instance being her speaking over events that are happening concurrently to her talking to jasper)

lanyon in chapter 12,

and jekyll in chapter 11. (also this panel makes me want to eat drywall.)

but, pretty infamously, hyde uses these speech boxes pretty frequently. he’s the first character to use them, in fact. but in his case, his speech boxes are never him speaking aloud, they’re never him recounting the past. they’re his internal monologue, something that is such a notable idiosyncrasy of his that it’s brought up in-universe.

he’s the only character who uses the speech boxes as his internal monologue rather than external narration. he’s the only character we really get any internal monologue from (there’s once instance of jasper having a thought bubble at in chapter 1, and then that’s it iirc.)

that is, until now. and it’s jekyll doing it.

i just think jekyll doing something that has been up until this point so intrinsically linked to hyde is... interesting. and again, jekyll’s face is most definitely being purposefully obscured. but also to note, every character has had a distinct colour associated with their speech boxes, with jekyll’s being red as opposed to hyde’s being a dull orangey-yellow. so it’s still very much supposed to be jekyll’s “voice.” again, interesting.

also, note the the type of internal monologue. self loathing/doubt directly followed by a reassurance--as if two very different ideas are fighting in his brain?

sound familiar?

[beastofwant]

I want to take religious horror in a new direction. people are really really annoying about "ex-evangelicals (and other protestants) using aesthetics of catholicism" as a thing and it's probably because they're iconic. there's such an emphasis on ritual that's not present within the kind of christianity I grew up in, and it's a lot easier to condemn, to esotericize, when something is so visibly pagan. we drink his blood and eat his body and yes we believe this is literal. like. do you get me, it's easy to make horror about "what if catholics were vampires or secretly a cult" because I mean fucking look at them lol

When I think of my own experiences, though, that's not what I think of. I think of churches (they're not compounds, we swear) so big you'll get lost in them. Endless yellowing hallways and classrooms that sit empty more often than not. I think of sitting in what's basically a concert hall with music that, if you weren't listening, could be playing on any radio station. It makes your head hurt from the volume, but how else would God hear it?

I think of the chlorine smell of the baptismal pool, water warm as your body, being held underneath for just a little bit longer than you can handle and just as you're about to aspirate water, being pulled back up- SAVED!- by the wrinkled hands of your pastor, who has been in his 70s since you were 8 years old, and you're hitting 30 now. I think of sitting in my seat, feeling like I'm floating above my body, as I am given a play-by-play of the end of the world. They point to the war as a sign of the end times. Isn't there always a war? Isn't the world always ending? He's really coming back this time, they tell me, so I best be good. I best not sin. I best start praying.

The church is hungry and it won't let you leave until you GIVE YOURSELF FULLY TO GOD. Give it all up, brothers and sisters! If you think you're fucked let them lay their hands upon you, turn your radios and televisions up so the TV preacher-man shakes your drywall, and speak in tongues with them. Pretend it's not you making a fool of yourself, pretend that it really is the Holy Spirit speaking through you and you will be SAVED.

You gave a really good performance, there. The people BELIEVE! Here's your helping of their tithe. Yeah the congregation's all hungry and poor, but that's because they don't believe hard enough. You do, and that's why God rewarded you with three new cars, and a private jet, and as many vacations as you want, and as many drugs as money can buy. Jesus loves you.