#emotional on main 😔

[5eraphim]

i’ll never write anything worthy of attaching this song to, but i NEED to hare this, as it’s this my all time favorite love song. 

i love the story, or rather, the tragedy of it all. I’ve always had a soft spot for old-timey pet names like “dearest, beloved, my love, etc.” I ADORE southern gothic/dark folk music, this song perfects the way this genera does stoytelling like none other. Goodnight Texas is a wonderful band and this is such a highlight for me.

I’ve never listened to something so bittersweet, and I will never emotionally recover from this.

[phoenixtakaramono]

Truce - Ch3 Preview 2/?

This is in reference to this. I’m agog that I’d somehow forgotten to share this upcoming scene in Truce its entirety—when I thought I had. Honest mistake, luvs. I shall rectify it immediately.

A snippet of my favorite part from this lil interview section:

“Not to worry. Between you and me”—the chair creaked as he leaned in, lips quirked sideways, his brows expressive, and his hand hovering beside his cheek—“Butcher and I got a secret bromance happening behind the scenes, I tell you what.” The discreet Lavalier microphone clipped somewhere on Homelander’s supersuit had picked up the hushed whisper, making the audio crisp and clear. Thirteen different camera angles captured Jimmy’s brows shooting up. He repeated, “A bromance.” “Yep. A bromance for the ages. Color me stoked.” The plastic shell of his features melted away, resembling a more complete flesh-and-blood human. Easing back into his seat, Homelander said, “I just think, like with any large and aggressive attack dogs, as owners we have a responsibility to properly train and socialize them. Now I don’t own a dog myself but if I did, I would keep my mutt on a short leash—and obedient only to me. He won’t bite, not unless I tell him to.”

The full scene the snippet belongs to:

A/N - I’m sure y’all remember Jimmy Fallon’s cameo in S1. It only makes sense to replace Translucent with Homelander now. I originally considered Cole Cameron to ask the hard hitting questions, but he dies in S4 (thanks, Ashley). So I elected to not go with him.

And the line about Butcher not being caped but quite clearly dark is lifted from the comics, as a lil Easter egg ;) but I changed it from Black Noir to Billy because Homelander’s doubling down on the lie/ cover story that he’s the one who “reached out his hand and brought Billy back from the path of villainy by inviting him into the Seven” 🙄

*Note: as always, keep in mind this is taken from an earlier draft; so there may be a couple changes in the final draft that’ll be posted to AO3 when the chapter’s ready. But this sneak peek is pretty much as close to its final draft iteration as you'll see.

(Chapters 1-2 can be read on AO3)

[star-trekster]

WHY IS SPOCK EATING BACON NOOOOOOOO

THE SPOCK DRIFT IS IN FULL EFFECT

[ithidunes]

truly an abhorrent movie. tragic indicator of the depths I'll sink to for dragon media.

[rigginsstreet]

Tagged by @godidontevenknowwhat

Here are 9 of my favourite characters

Shawn hunter - boy/girl meets world

Peyton sawyer - one tree hill

Billy hargrove - stranger things

Tyler lockwood - the vampire diaries

Pacey witter - Dawson’s creek

Gemma teller - sons of anarchy

Chuck bass - gossip girl

Debra morgan - dexter

Enzo St. John - the vampire diaries

Tagging @fredheads @nadjaofstatenisland @svetlanayevgenivna @kallisto-k @paranoidbean

[hyper-cryptic]

do you ever wonder who you'll be when you grow up?

[the-kipsabian]

i just want kip back 😔

[penrose-quinn]

Oh my god I'm almost done. Just one more scene and I'm free \(T⌓T)/

[fruitwanderer]

Not to have a moment in public, but it's setting in that it's been ten years since we went through one of our most traumatic experiences and like we're alive despite everything our brain tells us.

Like our brain since that event has been on sometimes near constant high alert, we still can't do certain things due to PTSD, but we're alive and trying our best to thrive.

Idk sometimes it just gets to me that we've been though some shit and managed to come out the other end.

[chxrryhansen]

write something guy wrenchingly sad about how rafe’s dad treats him and he calls you in the middle of the night to comfort him. he ends up coming to your house or you go over to tanneyhill to be with him :)

this is so s1 rafe coded🥺my poor deprived baby😔

₊♡₊˚ 🎀・₊✧

its 2am when your phone buzzes, waking you up from a deep sleep. rafes name flashes across your phone, sending you into alarm. worry courses through your veins making you sit upright in shock, quickly pressing answer.

his ragged breaths are the first thing you hear as you pick up, his sobs echoing down the phone. “hey-hey baby, rafe, whats going on? are you okay?” you ask, hurriedly.

he sniffles “m-my dad.. we g-got into a huge fight and i-i don’t know wh-what to do.” you can sense his tension through the phone. rafe was never good and expressing his emotions, he preferred showing himself through actions rather than words. so him calling you at this hour and actually telling you what was wrong, you knew it had to be serious.

“oh my sweet boy, why don’t you come over? or i can come and pick you up? just stay calm for me baby, can you do that for me?” you soothe. which appears to calm him slightly as his breaths begin to slow.

“uh, yeah, yeah i-i can do that. i’ll drive, don’t w-want you leaving the house alone this late at night.” running his fingers through his greasy locks, shaking his head at how stupid he feels, crying. especially in-front of you, to you. and even though he’s in no state to drive, you know better than to argue with him on this, his innate need to protect you still shining through even in his most vulnerable moments.

“okay rafe…i’ll see you soon, drive safe for me baby.”

within 10 minutes you hear a knock at your door, you race downstairs unlocking the door in a hurry, the sight is anything but pleasant.

rafes nose is bust, dry blood caked around his mouth, a clear indication that the fight with his dad was anything but civilised. and this wasn’t the first time either. his tears staining his cheeks and his face flustered, a light shade of pink, his hair sticking to his forehead and his arms shaking as he looks down at you in embarrassment.

“oh, sweetheart.” you whisper gently, pulling him inside and into a hug, slowly he wraps his arms around your waist as his sobs begin to deepen, his heart rate increasing rapidly as his body racks with his cries. he leans down, burrying his face into your neck, sniffling so he doesn’t end up leaving snot all in your hair- not that you care, him being your main priority.

“you wanna’ talk about it?” you coax, your voice soft. he shakes his head, his grip on your waist tightening. you lift your hand, intertwining your fingers in his locks, stroking his head gently, soothing his desperate cries.

“that’s okay, your okay. let it all out…my sweet baby, i’m here for you. and i always will be, you know that right? i’m never leaving you, no matter what. we always stick together, you hear me, baby boy? always.”

[devotedlystrangewizard]

today i came home from school at approximately 10:30 and i did every ocean fishing. from 11 am & 7 pm. i have both mining and fishing above level 50 now. i was reluctant to do my tribe quests. what is happedning to me

[baltears]

someday i need to do a big meta about how angela is dolores’ doppelgänger character kind of like akane is for maeve and craddock is for william and i guess arnold is for bernard. she’s just like this slightly-off version of dolores and accordingly has similar but slightly-off dynamics with william and teddy and humanity in general and it’s so interesting

[sxorpiomooon]

what's blocking you from getting what you want - a pac reading

paid readings

tip me

check out my masterlist for other pacs and astrology stuff

This reading was so confusing because the first title that I was actually shuffling cards for was "what you need to do in order to get more opportunities" then I shifted to what you need to do in order to open more doors for you to reach where you need to be but this reading feels more to me about what blockages are you facing in order to be where you want to be or get what you want. This reading was VERY confusing to me but I do hope this helps you guys in some way, thankyou<33

Pile 1-

Hell nawww😭😭 you my pile 1 quite literally have to work hard some of you might have a tough saturn or prominent that's the vibe I got the first vision I had was saturn in 1st house anyways the kind of sucess that you pile 1 might need might require you to keep working hard for some time. Unlike other piles I don't see you getting your success instantly or without any hardwork. "Hang on, the process might be steady and slow in coming but it is coming" and this pile also needs to learn to be patient. You are in some toxic cycles that you must break I heard karma for most of you this might be family wise I also think this is mostly past life karma. You guys might also have the tendency to repress your emotions which need to be stopped. I think y'all tend to bottle up your emotions which leads to y'all losing your shit once the bottle is filled. Reppressing doesn't mean that your emotions are gone it just means that they are going to appear again once the change arrives. I think this is the main blockage that you guys are facing i also think this pile needs to be quick in making plans and changes. Do y'all have a broken watch or glass at home? If you do, please change it if you have a stopped watch please put some battery in it it's bringing more delay in your opportunities. Anyways long short story- keep working hard success is a process remember and nurture your emotions. This was also my pile why did they do us so bad man😔

Pile 2-

Ask for help and help others. This is literally it are y'all not taking care of your eyes or are in phone so much the moment I pulled cards my eyes felt weak a bit of water and dizzy? Go to sleep put your phone down too much phone time I had a vision of 9h phone time anyways donate to charity if you guys can I wonder if people on here have scorpio asc in their d10 chart. Donate to charity if you can remember money is not the only thing that you can donate time and efforts also count as contribution. I think this pile might have also faced some financial issues I also heard capricorn. Some of you might take onto your parents role or might be facing some trauma because of your family I heard legacy so probably generational trauma. Come to terms with it y'all might have some sort of financial family trauma. Some harsh words might have been said to you that are too deep rooted in your heart still. Pile 2 you are more stronger than you think, you have far more strength than you can comprehend. Let it go.

Pile 3-

you guys might have big egos rightfully so because I see that you might have ALOT of enemies some of them might be obvious the others not so much. I see people being ready to attack you 24/7 I do understand you guys and I do believe that you should give your 100% to whatever you want but the advice that I'm getting here is that you can choose to give up if the only thing that's in line is your ego. For the other people that choose this pile y'all might be getting bullied by someone or might be too scared to be judged? Alot of different kinds of people are choosing this pile you guys might have a good Pluto position perhaps even Pluto conjuct moon in your 10h or 1h? Face your true honest self be courageous and honest to yourself these both things are necessary for you to do in order to receive your awakening. You are successful and have alot of enemies however I do think that you can benefit from them alot by actually learning something from their perspective. You might be able to gain another win by doing so. Alot of fight, struggle energy from this pile.

Pile 4-

walk away and stop being delusional. You are very well aware of what you need to walk away from I heard "it's time to go" leave whatever is not serving you it's time. Go leave and never look back. Only when you remove things from your life you receive the space to add on new things. You can't let all the junk fill up in your life and then continue to complain about how you are not receiving anything new or better. Make space and be courageous. You have a very nice energy if you guys already are not aware it. Alot of people might like you very easily I think this pile might have a energy that easily hypes up other people, makes them feel at ease and brings joy this can actually help you in gaining other people's favour more. Compliment people more on their work it's very easy for you to win other people's favour. People will help you in reaching where you need to read my pile 4

[robo-milky]

[NBC! Cloche]

An amiable girl hesitant to say what’s on her mind, mistaken for shyness by others. She’s comfortable acting as soundscape, reacting to others and prompting them with questions. Her expressions are a bit exaggerated and can switch tones in a heartbeat, which comes off as disingenuous to some. Prefers to subtly hint at her wants (sometimes passive aggressive).

NBC! Cloche is a snapshot of Cloche’ optimism and drive before losing it all. She had always lacked empathy from the start, treating altruism as nothing more but a social obligation. NBC! Cloche overcompensates for her apathy towards others through helpfulness, even if it means self-sabotage.

[RSA! Cloche]

A stubborn girl who will only cooperate on her terms. Not very expressive unless she has strong personal opinions on a topic. Quick to make sarcastic remarks and crude jokes to steer conversations away from sore spots, sometimes coming out as a bit self deprecating. Will not hesitate to be blunt as long as she’s stating the facts.

RSA! Cloche is the perfect balance of identities after Cloche finds her sense of self. After coming to terms that feigning emotions and acting like they don’t exist are both exhausting, she decides to act a little more true to herself. Despite the improvements, nihilism still runs strong in her blood and she has difficulty imagining a future.

[Stepping In]

NBC! Cloche had always dreamed of going to a cleaner, nicer school. Now that she’s actually thrusted into one, she’s having second thoughts. She’ll play nice and try to get into Rollo’s good graces, but finds herself drifting to the “troublemakers” of the school over time. The student council’s unofficial “barista”.

RSA could have been the perfect isekai and escape if it wasn’t for one thing, that damned hoodie. Does it really belong to Cloche? Nobody knows. Aside from a couple gasps and eyebrow raises, the student body is more concerned with getting Cloche back home and adjusting her to this new world with magic. She’ll complain about RSA’s stuffiness, but she’s never met a community so welcoming and kind before. An honorary dwarf hanging around Neige. (After some Magicam stories and appearances, conspiracists speculate she’s a hidden sibling of Neige)

[Notes]

• I did always imagine them to have their own curses, like NRC! Cloche, but not sure if I wanted them to make it to the final cut. NBC! Cloche would be cursed with obligatory honesty, and RSA! Cloche would be cursed to always do what she perceives as the right thing.

• Since NRC is the only school to specifically be a boy’s school (iirc?), Cloche has her women’s rights again.

• During the events of Glorious Masquerade, all Cloches side with NRC in the end. NBC! Cloche is like that one NPC who gives helpful information/lore, and RSA! Cloche ends up with NRC, since Neige and Chenya wouldn’t want a defenceless junior hanging around as they sacrifice themselves.

• RSA! Cloche would 10/10 dye her underlayer an array of colours, but I left it white as a blank canvas. (May also be a hint to tie to Neige). NBC! Cloche still has virgin hair.

• I’ve had this idea marinating since forever and I’m happy to finally do something with it!

• I do have a mini AU/idea where all them coexist at the same time, and there’s a big dilemma in which Cloche to keep/send home. All schools advocate for their Cloche to be the “main” Cloche allowed to exist.

• I’ve always wanted to dive into Cloche as a person and her growth over time— not just her brooding over the cat maid shebang 😭

• To be completely honest- RSA! Cloche started as an old throwaway joke of “what if isekai’d with ahegao hoodie” and I guess I’m sticking with it. She’s not a coomer I swear- For a more fleshed out explanation, Cloche ran away from home wearing the hoodie instead of any else, cause it’s the only jacket she bought with her own money and wants to make a statement of leaving everything she doesn’t own behind. Mystery solved 😔

[yoredoesmore]

hallooo,it's me again:)) may I request soshiro x reader forced marriage angst but happy ending

I hope I'm not bothering you:). it's ok if you don't want to make it

a/n: i could never say no to such a beautiful request! i love writing angst muahaha

pairing: hoshina soshiro x blind!reader

cw: forced marriage, physical and emotional abuse

genre: angst/ hurt comfort/romance/fluff [wc: 2,9k ]

a/n: this story takes place in the meiji era!

a/n: i am so upset the fic idea in my head was so cute but now that im proof reading its ass 😭 i am so not satisfied with this but maybe a part two will safe it idk rip 😭 and i have to post something can't have u guys go to bed/work/whatever unfed 😔

edited a/n: is this even forced marriage omg 😭🐵

still, enjoy!

A Vision of Love | Hoshina Soshiro

The world around you had long lost its colors. Your vision was plagued, cursed to pick up the world in vibrations and tones instead of images.

The gods have plotted against your existence long before you had been born, cursing the path you were destined to walk on with failure and hardship.

“You are no child of mine!”

The feeling of your father's hand was imprinted in both your memories and mind. A gruesome sensation, one that had no problems seeking you unannounced. On some days the beast would simply barge into your chambers, striking you to his heart's content.

And for what? All for being unable to carry out his legacy.

“Blind and weak, we should have killed you the second we saw those impurities!”

No day passed by when he wasn't cursing your existence but you had been all too used to it..

You sat kneeled on the engawa of your estate, scrubbing the long corridor facing the entrance. It was one of the many tasks given to you which had to be completed by noon. Pearls of sweat accumulated on your forehead, dripping down the side of your face and staining the cloth of your clothes but that told you that you were almost done.

You heard voices chatting in the distance. Some belonging to your family members and others to the Kaseifu, yet you were able to make out three voices foreign to your ears.

“Please come this way.”

Your father greeted the guests with fake hospitality. It irked you immensely, listening to him put up an act of dishonesty but there was nothing you could have done about it.

As soon as you finished up your work, you brought away the cloth and the rag and hurried back to your room using the back entrance. No using the main entrance when guests are around– another strict rule you had to follow.

They stopped bothering you a long time ago, the harsh rules and strict regulations forced upon you by your family. It was unfortunately not just your father who harassed you but also your mother and siblings– though their approaches of breaking your spirit were more subtle. They whispered and gossiped, calling you all kinds of names to lower your spirit.

All to make themselves feel better.

Your family was a renown clan known for its fighting skills and birthing people of strong flesh. In the world of Kaiju slayers, your family stood on top with another handful of carefully selected clans. But as dysfunctional as you were, ripped of your vision at birth and your laughable body, there was no place for you in the limelight. Thus you had been hidden away in the back of your clan, mixed with the maids and housekeepers to keep the knowledge about your existence to a minimum.

But all that was about to change.

“Lady Y/n.”

The voice of Madam Kiyoko called out for you, the only woman to treat you with kindness in this place.

“Yes, Madam Kiyoko?”

The woman's voice was gentle and sweet, like honey and milk. It calmed your heart and made you feel loved in a way you were unable to experience anywhere else. But this time something lingered in her voice? A hint of grief? Frustration? Even without seeing her face, you somehow knew that the woman was not displaying a smile on her lips.

“I was sent by your father. ..You are to pack your things immediately and prepare yourself for permanent departure..”

“Permanent..excuse me?” The tone in Kiyoko's voice painted your ears, so much that you wished to cover them and hide away.

“Your father has..given you away to another family, therefore I wish to congratulate you on your engagement.” The fabrics of Kiyoko's Kimono shifted, hinting to you that she had gone down to her knees.

There was no word that could properly describe the look of horror on your face. Pain, disgust and vexation– all these emotions tugged on your heart, forcing it to fall into unbearable agony. You suddenly felt all strength leaving your legs, forcing you to fall to the ground.

Hot tears ran down your face as you allowed muffled cries to escape your mouth. You wanted to scream and curse, run over to your father and rip all air from his lungs..

But you of all people knew too well that this day would have come sooner or later.

How else were you going to get engaged? You, who was unable to leave her house without supervision. You, who was seen as garbage in her own home. This was long overdue.

“Lady Y,n..we mustn't waste any time.” Madam Kiyoko spoke, her arms wrapping around yours to lift you back up.

“No..I don't want to, they can't do this!” Although living here was torture, it was the only home you have ever know. A small part of you always hoped to just die here. Life was cruel but at least there was food and a bed waiting for you at the end of each day. There was no telling how the people outside these gates were going to treat a blind woman like you, especially a family selected by your father. The unknown was much more intimidating than the familiar horrors.

“Child, I beg of you to grasp your heart and look at the future with confidence.” The woman tried to encourage you to take the situation with pride. But you couldn't. The fact that someone had accepted you as a wife could only mean that they were worse off than you. Who else would accept such worthless and weak soul into their family? Or perhaps they were like your family, looking forward to abuse and make use of you.

“You musn't refuse your duty as a woman, Lady Y/n, as a daughter of this house. I beg you.” Madam Kiyoko pulled you back up and dusted your Kimono.

“I know that this treatment is unjust and sudden, but anywhere in this world is better than here.”

“But I don't mind the horror! The pain and the humiliation..because I have you..”

Once again the tone in the woman's voice tugged on your heartstrings. The truth in her statement tasted bitter on your tongue. You did not wish to admit that she was right, that living here was a hell your body couldn't bear much longer.

Madam Kiyoko walked you to your chambers and helped you pack your belongings. There wasn't much, only a few essentials which you held dear. As you were preparing for your departure, you heard a soft chuckle from behind you.

“I heard that the Hoshina clan is as good as useless in this modern day and age, since the Kaiju have grown in size.” One of your sisters snickered from behind you.

“Yeah, and that their sons are as incapable as they come.” Your brother mocked.

Their voices were mere background sounds, easy to blend out. Your fingers traced themselves over the silver hairpin in your hand, a gift from the Madam.

“I will forget all about you once I leave this home. The memories, your voices and your scent. What a blessing it ends up being to be born blind, as I have no faces which I will have to wipe from my memories.” Your words stung your siblings in the guts. One of them stepped forward, your brother, ready to strike you down. But madam Kiyoko quickly extended her hand to shield your body from the abuse.

“Do not dare touch the Lady. She is an engaged woman now and therefore no longer under the rule of this household. Striking her would mean raising your hands against the Hoshina clan and I highly suggest that you do not make yourself an enemy of them.”

“She won't survive a week outside these gates. Compared to the people outside, our treatment was merciful. In this day and age there is no space for those who cannot protect themselves, tsk.” Your brother gave you one last glare before he and your sister left your room.

“This family can no longer harm you, child. So look at your future and smile, don't listen to his nonsense.” The warm hands of the woman embrace you in a comforting hug. If only you could take her with you and start your new life together..it was a hopeless wish but one you hung onto regardless

x

Nobody came to send you off besides Lady Kiyoko. With your bag packed and your heart set to leave, you approached the front gate. You refused to look back as you walked into your new life, each step feeling foreign and intimidating.

You were raised in a traditional household. From the building to the rules it reminded you of the old times. Therefore standing in front of the public transport with no navigation or sense of familiarity deeply frightened you. You could feel them all watching, the people on the train. Surely they were judging your lack of vision and pitying your weak form.

It took you quite some time to arrive at the destination, the lack of any known directions making the journey much more treacherous. But after two hours, you finally arrived at the Houshina estate. If it had been for the old couple you met at your station who guided you all the way here you would have been lost for sure.

“That is just the path we wanted to take!”

They said and took you by the hand. It felt strange, putting your trust into two unknown strangers. For a good minute you believed that they were leading you to a nearby cliff, for whatever reason. But your doubt slowly vanished as they began to talk about their day and all the errands which they had to run.

You took a deep breath and fixed your Kimono before knocking at the gate. There was no guarantee that anybody was going to hear you but this was the only way you knew how to make yourself known.

After around five minutes and almost giving up hope, you heard a shift in motion. The gate opened and before you stood a stranger. They didn't say anything and simply looked you up and down you assumed. Then they spoke up.

“Oh, it's you.”

What an interesting dialect..

Unsure of who was standing before you, you went down on your knees to show your respects.

“My name is L/n Y/n and I am the betrothed of Hoshina Soshiro. It is my utmost pleasure to meet you.”

“There is no need to be so formal, please. And get up, ya Kimono is getting all dirty.” A pair of strong hands suddenly placed themselves on your shoulders and helped you find your way back up.

A scent so sweet was attached to the stranger, one that had a strange note to it. Yet you stayed focused and continued the conversation.

“Did you come here all by yourself??” The stranger sounded almost appalled.

“Yes..is there a problem with that?”

“Your family reassured us that they were going to send someone with you, since you are..”

His eyes locked with yours. Light gray orbs sat in your sockets, robbed of all light. Yet there was a glimmer inside them, one that shone brighter than the sun itself.

“Excuse me for asking, but who am I speaking to?”

“I am just a housekeeper. Anyway, let's get ya inside and perhaps, you must have a long journey behind you.”

“Thank you very much.” The housekeeper took your hands in his, a soft warmth spreading over your entire body. His bold action startled you slightly but you did not allow your discomfort to display on your face.

“Not having an official wedding must be quite frustrating I believe?”

Is this..smalltalk?

“I never clung to the desire of partaking in such festivity. I was told from a very young age that I wasn't deserving of a wedding, let alone marriage. My father eventually giving me away to a family with no future was to be expected.”

“A family with no future?”

“Oh my, I didn't mean it like that! I apologize for insulting your masters..”

“No offense taken. I understand what ya were trying to say.” The soft sliding of wooden doors indicated to you that you were now entering the building. Almost immediately you were greeted by the sweet scent of lavender and tangerines, two odors that completed one another perfectly.

The housekeeper continued to guide you through the building, holding on to your hand so tight you feared he was going to melt into you. Yet despite his grip being so fierce, his touch was gentle and almost protective. You were not used to such kindness, therefore you found it difficult to express your gratitude once he let go when you arrived in the space which you believed was your room.

“When will the rest of your belongings arrive?” The housekeeper asked while taking the bag from your hands. Your silence said all he needed to know.

“If you need anything, don't hesitate to–”

“Young Master? A letter has arrived from the Anti-Kaiju Defense Force, requesting your presence. Oh and has the young woman arrived already? We heard the gates–”

..Master?

Your head turned to meet the voice at the door. A young woman, you assumed, stood at the entrance of your room, her words and turn indicating that she was talking to the housekeeper.

“Oh, she is already here?? Why wasn't your father notified!” The woman scolded.

“Thank you Ayame, I will see to the letter shortly. And I wanted some alone time with her first, I'm sure my father will understand."

All the woman did was sigh, as if she was too used to his behavior and excused herself from the room.

It didn't even take you five seconds to realize what was going on. Your face froze up upon realizing, a soft gasp leaving from your lips.

“I..apologize for deceiving you.” Soshiro sighed. “I didn't know how to properly introduce myself when I saw you back then and just went with the moment.”

Embarrassed? Shame? Anxiety? You did not know what to feel first. The words you spoke only minutes ago suddenly came back to hit you like whiplash. You just told your soon to be husband that you had no faith in his family, to his face, the gods were probably laughing at you right now. Not just them, but also your siblings and parents.

Their voices rang through your ears, eating at your consciousness. Not even a day had passed and you already managed to screw up, what a twisted joke this was.

“Ya ain't upset with me, right?”

All thoughts suddenly started to disappear into thin air as his fingers once again wrapped themselves around your hands. Only now did you realize how soft they were, like sunflower petals. And the distant scent of vanilla that lingered on his skin, it was soothing in a way you could not describe.

In an instant you found yourself calming down and remembered that you were no longer in that household. Five minutes have been spent in this foreign place so far, yet it felt much more comforting than your old home. Why was that?

“Saying that your family has no future when I am the one who lacks the ability to function properly..I am so very sorry..”

“Don't tell me yer apologizing for being blind?” Soshiro placed one of his hands on your head, gently caressing your hair with his fingers.

“I don't know much about ya or what you went through before. All I was told is that your family did not think highly of ya and therefore signed you away to the next available family. But just by looking at ya I can tell that you are much more valuable than ya think.” And with that said, Soshiro gave your head a light squeeze.

These gentle touches were so new to you. Being embraced in such a loving way and taken by the hand as if you were too important to lose– and not to mention by a man you just met..it all felt quite unreal.

Soshiro suddenly started to move away from you, the lack of his warmth mildly bothering your conscience, but he had somewhere important to be.

“We shall converse more once I return from my appointment, most likely together with my father. The others will want to meet you so prepare yourself for that. If they barge into your room feel free to send them away”

“Send them away? I could never do that” Hosanna laughed although you didn't say anything funny?

“Im looking forward to future interactions.”

“I..me too.”

To have something to look forward to..did you ever have that in your life? The feelings in your heart were difficult to describe. Was it truly possible for you to find happiness in a place full of strangers and foreign emotions? To seek comfort in the arms of a man you barely even knew? As Soshiro walked out of your room, you quickly searched for the hair pin that Madam Kiyoko had gifted to you. Your fingers embraced it tight, trying to recreate the warmth which you felt moments ago.

Something deep down in your heart wanted to trust his words and believe that you too could experience true happiness in this lifetime. Therefore you desperately held onto this vision of love, in hopes that one day your future would be painted in its beautiful colors.

[itneverendshere]

my heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue

just a lil something, completely self indulgent and inspired by miranda and steven in s2 of sex & the city 😔🥺

warnings: angst😤; a little fluffy; soft!rafe because i personally LOVE him

you did it without thinking.

it felt as if your body had a mind of its own and while your brain yelled at you to stay put and act normal, your heart simply didn’t allow it. your feet pounded against the street pavement, you didn’t even try to look back, afraid that if you did, you’d crumble. the sound of your breath filled your ears, drowning out the chaos of the main street.

rafe.

the name echoed in your mind like some sort of haunted melody. you didn’t expect to see him, not after so many months without a single glimpse of his perfect face. you’d broken up months ago, you were supposed to be over him. and yet, despite all your attempts, his presence still stirred something within you. 

this wasn’t how it was supposed to work out.

you rounded the corner, trying to convince yourself that it was fine. so what if he was back in town? so what if he didn’t call you? so what if you two promised to stay friends and yet…it’s none of your business. you should be thankful.  

but seeing him out of the blue, it was like a sucker punch to the gut, except it felt like it came from a hundred directions at once. maybe you just needed a minute to process all of it. maybe a venti latte and some retail therapy would do the trick.

except they didn’t and hours later, here you are, stuck to your couch wondering how the hell you are supposed to step foot outside knowing there’s a possibility you might run into him again. 

your brain always goes into overdrive when you think of rafe cameron. and now you’re stuck here, overthinking every little thing. should you text him? would that be too desperate? but what if he's thinking the same thing?

and if he isn’t?

there's a sudden knock on your apartment door, the sound cuts through the haze of your mind, jolting you back to reality. you reluctantly peel yourself off the couch and shuffle over to the door, wondering if that amazon package you ordered this morning is here already. 

you glance towards the peephole, debating whether to check who it is or simply ignore it. after a moment of internal deliberation, curiosity wins out, and you approach the door cautiously.

you peer through the peephole, half expecting to see a stranger or maybe the mailman with a package. but to your surprise—it's rafe.

holy fuck.

your breath catches in your throat as you take in his familiar face from up close, a jumble of emotions stirring inside you.

what's he doing here? how did he get your new address? you moved from your parent’s home just a month ago. 

for a beat, you’re frozen. no one taught you how to proceed in these kinds of situations, but you are fairly certain letting an ex-boyfriend, the one you’re still in love with, inside your personal space is a big no-no.  

should you open the door? pretend you’re not home? smash your head against a wall and pray it knocks you out instantly? before you can even begin to form a plan, there's another knock, this time a little more insistent, as if he knows you’re on the other side.

“i can hear you breathing.”

panic sets in. 

summoning whatever fake bravery you have left, you take a deep breath and reluctantly twist the doorknob. with your hands trembling like crazy, you swing the door open, revealing rafe standing there. 

you gulp, feeling like your throat's suddenly decided to go on strike “yeah-uh. hi!”

his hands are clutched behind his back and his eyes take turns between your face and the door. there's a slight furrow in his brow, accentuating the sharp angles of his jawline and the curve of his nice cheekbones. 

“that was a shitty thing you did. running away from me on the street.”

you feel a crazy amount of guilt wash over you. he’s not wrong. running away like that was cowardly, but did he expect you to run into him with open arms?

“i didn’t run?”

his lips, usually set in a determined line, now quiver ever so slightly, “you ran.”

the weight of what you did hangs over you like a dark cloud. could you have acted any more immaturely?

“well, i wasn’t expecting to see you-“ you manage to blurt out, your voice shaky, “and-and, i-“

“it really hurt my feelings.” rafe's finger points accusingly at his chest, and you feel like you’re about to shrink into the floor under the weight of his disappointment.

you shift uncomfortably under his gaze. you can feel your eyes starting to sting with unshed tears and you use every remaining strength inside you not to cry in front of him. you’ve embarrassed yourself enough. 

“i don’t deal very well with ex-boyfriends?”

his expression softens slightly, and he leans his weight against the doorframe, his eyes searching yours.

“hey, sweetheart, this is me.”  his hand moves again and he gently places it on his chest, right over his heart, as if trying to convey the sincerity of his words “rafe.”

but he’s not your rafe anymore.

that’s the one thing you want to tell him. you chew on your lower lip wondering if honesty would do you any good right now. if it would erase all these months, weeks, days, hours, without him. 

a moment of silence stretches between you, and then, after what feels like an eternity, you finally manage to utter a response.

"yeah..."

rafe's gaze remains fixed on you, “i held you while you were sleeping.”

if you weren’t crying before, you are now. it's like a dam has burst inside you. tears stream down your face like a leaky faucet, nothing strong enough to hold them back. they're not the dainty tears you see in movies, but big, ugly cries that leave your mascara streaked and your nose running.

you try to speak, but all that comes out are choked sobs and sniffles. it's embarrassing, really, how out of control you feel. but you can't help it even as your front neighbor comes into view. 

you do quick 180 and bolt back into your apartment, hand pressed against your forehead as if holding it will stop the raging headache you’re about to experience. you don’t have to look back to know rafe’s following you, trailing inside and swiftly closing the door with a soft click.

"i’m sorry," you whisper, your voice barely above a breath. "i’m really sorry. i’m so sorry-“

rafe's hands reach out, his palms open as if he's dealing with a wounded animal. 

"hey, it’s okay,” he murmurs, his voice a gentle reassurance, "it's okay.”

“i hadn’t seen you in so long,” you confess, your words tumbling out in a rush, “and i missed you and then i did that shit-“

his hand envelops yours, his touch grounding you. "hey, breathe," he urges softly, “it’s okay.”

tears well up in your eyes again, blurring your vision as you struggle to hold back the sobs threatening to escape. "’m sorry," you choke out, voice breaking with each syllable. "i'm so sorry, rafe."

“it wasn’t that shitty, okay?” rafe's expression softens further, the way it does only for you.

“it was! i’m a shitty person.”

his thumb gently brushes away your tears as he shakes his head slowly. "no, you're not.”

“i am! you would’ve never done something that shitty.”

the nagging feeling that you’ve let him down once again is eating you alive.

he raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement playing at the corners of his lips. "what do you call showing up here, in your apartment, in the middle of the afternoon and calling you shitty, huh?" he asks, his tone teasing yet affectionate.

you can't help but let out a shaky laugh, “t’s not the same.” 

rafe reaches out, gently cupping your face in his palm as he brushes his thumb gently across your cheek. “yeah, it is.”

without even questioning it, you lean into his touch, closing your eyes as your allow yourself to bask in the warmth of his embrace. for the first time in months.

“i miss you,” you confess, “whenever something happens, i just want to tell you about it.”

“so, tell me.” the tender smile softens the lines on his face, "’m right here.”

you feel a rush of relief, a weight lifting off your chest as if he's just granted you permission to exhale. and yet, tears still well up in your eyes, blurring your vision and spilling over onto your cheeks in hot.

“i have a date.”

a knot forms in the pit of your stomach, tightening with each syllable. your voice quivers with uncertainty, the words tumbling out like stones from a crumbling cliff. you don’t have to look to know your hands are shaking like leaves in a storm. you’re pretty sure if you held them up, they'd look like one of those ridiculous earthquake simulations. 

rafe nods, doing his best to stop the cheeky grin growing on his face, as he shakes his head understandingly, “looking forward to it, are ya?”

but you only sob harder.

"hey, hey- sweetheart. it's alright.” he says gently, his voice soothing you better than any depressing song on your playlist, “just jokin’ around.”

but you can't shake off the feeling of shame, the burning embarrassment of admitting to something you wish you hadn't. of letting someone take you out, someone who isn’t rafe, your rafe. 

"i just... i thought it would help me move on, y’know?" you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

"i get it.” he tries to smile at you again, but it looks sad, and it makes your heart hurt. his hand reaches out to brush away a stray tear from your cheek, “i’m not mad.”

but you are. at you. at him.

the words linger in the back of your mind, gnawing at your insides. you want to scream, to lash out at him for being so understanding, for not fighting for you the way you wish he would.

you push his hands away from your face, your voice cracking. that’s all it seems to do since he walked back into your life ten minutes ago.

"that's it?" you exclaim, "you're just okay with it? with me going on a stupid date with someone else?"

it was like someone had just pulled the rug out from under him, and he didn't know how to stand back up.

rafe’s jaw is set in a firm clench, "i just want you to be happy.”

“but i'm not happy!" you retort, your voice rising in volume as tears continue to stream down your face. "i'm miserable, rafe! and you're just standing there, doing nothing!”

his chest is rising and falling heavily, as if he’s trying to contain himself.

"i'm doing nothing?” he asks so quietly; you take a double take to make sure it’s still him. his eyes flicker with an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine. it feels like staring into a wildfire, all fierce and untamed. 

you swallow hard, suddenly feeling the weight of your words crashing down on you. the way rafe looks at you, it’s like he sees right through you.

"i’m here, aren't i? i’m listening, okay? i'm trying to understand."

but his words only fuel the fire of your frustration.

"i need you to tell me that you still care. that you don't want me to go on that date because you want me for yourself."

you could see the anger draining out of him, leaving behind this raw, broken man. he slumps forward, shoulders drooping. his eyes go from blazing with intensity to just... empty. like he just flicked off a light switch behind them. 

it’s heartbreaking, honestly, to see him just fizzle out into nothing. 

“’course i want you for myself," he whispers, "but i can't force you to choose me. you left me.”

it’s a devastating sight, really. to see someone you love so deeply, someone who’s always been so strong, just fall apart like that. it’s like watching a building crumble to the ground.

and the worst part is, you know you’re the one who caused it. you’re the reason he’s standing there looking so broken, so lost. and you hate yourself for it, hate that you couldn’t be what he needed, hate that you had to go and ruin everything.

“i left because i didn’t feel good enough,” your voice is hoarse from screaming and crying, “not because i stopped loving you.”

for a moment, the silence between you is deafening, stretching on through time. it’s like neither of you knows what to say. 

and then, slowly, almost imperceptibly, something shifts in his expression, he looks as if you have hit him.

“i never wanted you to feel that way,” he murmurs, stepping closer to you. “i never wanted you to doubt how much you mean to me.”

his words hang in the air, like they’re carrying the weight of all the things you two never said, all the things you wished you could take back. as if he’s putting it all out there, laying his soul bare for you to see, finally showing you everything he’s been keeping bottled up inside.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, the words a solemn oath sworn in the quiet of the night. “’m sorry for not being there when you needed me.”

“i’m sorry too,” you choke out. “i’m sorry for pushing you away.”

and then, without another word, without another moment wasted on regrets and what-ifs, you step forward and wrap your arms around him. it’s like coming home after a long time.

and yeah, you might have a shit ton of things and problems to sort through, but rafe cameron is worth that and more.