#entry level weirdo stuff

[alienfailboy]

"we need more weird people/queers"

y'all can barely handle cis women with body hair...

[realunderlake]

Fantasy Ideology Part 1: Magic

I don't know if this is anything, but sometimes I like to think about the ideological and social impacts about elements of fantasy worldbuilding.

Like, take magic for example. There are generally different ways it's presented in fantasy fiction. Sometimes, it requires an innate aspect of being to use (a la the force in Star Wars, or however the heck harry potter magic works.) Sometimes this innate aspect is heritable, and sometimes it is completely random. Other times, magic is something that requires rigorous study. And yet, we seem to have one broad conception of magic in most fantasy media: Wizards sitting off in their tower, doing spells and stuff. Most settings don't think about how magic would impact the world that much, and instead make the world a bland, medieval Europe pastiche.

But lets look at magic from a social perspective, taking the classic DnD approach of "A wizard can be taught magic, though it generally takes a long time, and they should start from adolescence." You know what Magic is then comparable to? Because it's not a university professor... It's a Knight. For much of human history, aristocrats were warriors, because learning to be a *good* warrior, who used the most high tech stuff (whether that be chariots, or the couched lance) took a lot of effort, and you had to start pretty young, similar to how magic works. Thus, the social consequences of magic should be obvious, magic should be something that is used by the upper classes of a society, as they are the ones that are able to invest the time and energy into mastering it.

Perhaps however, as technology advances, magic becomes more widespread. Rather than having to painstakingly craft your own equipment, you can get it mass produced. Rather than working on outdated theories of physics (Aristotelian perhaps) you can observe the effects and costs of magic in a much more scientific way, increasing the effectiveness, and perhaps lowering the barrier to entry. Magic would be less blacksmithing, and more welding.

But in an instance like that, the ruling classes would not simply give up this power that they have, unless they have a reason to do so. Perhaps a king supports an up and coming magical bourgeoise to counteract the power of the magic-wielding noble class, for example. A good example of this is in the webnovel Mother of Learning, where the social forces have driven magic to be more equally available, after a devastation of the magic using ruling class through a combination of calamitous war, and the magical equivalent of the black death. In this gap of experienced mages, most of the polities have begun to allow "middle class" non-mage families into magical academies to bolster their ability to fight in the next continent-spanning conflict. This in turn has led to a backlash by the magic-wielding aristocracy, who have engaged in power struggles with the central government of the kingdom in which the story takes place, with many of these "Nouveau Riche" mages taking the side of the monarchy which has formed an unsteady alliance with these more progressive voices.

In any setting that puts some thought into how magic works in it's society, magic should be, by necessity, controlled by the ruling class. Whether that be because the ruling class are the only ones with the means to produce mages due to the required investment, or because those with the power to warp reality itself have decided that they, quite reasonably, want to be in charge.

Most wizards are written as weirdos off in towers because of Lord of the Rings, and because of cultural assumptions from Europe. But crucially, Europe never actually had wizards, and Gandalf was an angel, not a mortal man.

Even in settings where magic is not something trained, but instead something innate, there would be some method by which mages interact with society on a systemized level. Having them be simply random hermits makes no sense. Ars Magica, the TTRPG, for example, has a situation where most mages have a magical "gift", but said gift also makes it impossible for them to be liked or trusted by normal people. Despite this handicap, the Order of Hermes in that setting controls a good amount of political clout, with powerful Covenants being able to ignore the rulings of kings, and the Tribunal of Transylvannia basically co-ruling much of the Kingdom of Hungary with it's actual king.

These interactions of magic with class dynamics has interesting implications for the developments of ideologies. Will access to magical education be seen as a proletarian struggle in the development of socialism? Will Aristocracy persist for longer periods due to the inherent bias of the elites literally having magic? Can liberalism exist in a society where some people can warp reality with a snap of their fingers? Will it do *even better*, due to the radical individualist message meshing with the individual power held by magic?

Interesting Questions.

[penaltybox-gossip]

Someone kept asking this in Josh’s live. They kept wanting them to mention Trevor at some capacity//

I swear Twitch is the most toxic platform. I get such second hand embarrassment from people in twitch chats. The level of parasocial boundary stomping and overfamiliarity in most of them is mortifying. I used to watch twitch during covid and once I gifted a few subs and the streamer was like 'thank you [username]. i love you'. Some weirdo teenage fan found my insta (I was an idiot and had the same user and was public because I didn't know everyone on twitch was insane yet oops) and started messaging everyone I follow asking if I'm dating this guy. I worked an entry level job in film production back then and had a number of professional contacts who got contacted who reached out like wtf is this drama. The whole thing was nuts.

This is why I hate when I see people going to someone's linkedin and stuff like that. Because there are always weirdos who take things way too far and start actually messing with someone's life.

Agreed because that’s psycho behavior, literally. Because I donated some money that means I’m dating them??? Pardon??? And why do you care so much???

The internet can be a scary place guys

[kjs87sworld]

The road to success

I feel great tonight. I really do see myself successful 5 years from now. I am definitely on the right track. I am getting close to getting my associate degree in network administration. I got promoted at work last year and have been working really hard at being able to handle multiple tasks. I have just become a better person in general. It is depressing when I see people I went to high school with, and they seem to avoid me or just give me a look. I know I was a weirdo in high school who did stupid things. I have changed and I am so responsible now. Yes, I am 36 and live at my parents' house but I pay rent and help out as much as possible with stuff needed. I wish people wouldn't be so judgmental. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. Anyways I feel happy and a little sad too. I regret not having ambition in my 20's. I feel like I wasted a lot of my life. It is a little depressing having neighbors on both sides of my house who graduated high school the same year as me. I am happy for them because they seem very successful. They are married and have kids. Sometimes I try to avoid them not because I have a problem with them but rather, I have a problem with myself. I feel embarrassed that I was not a very ambitious person in my 20's and I always wanted to go the easy way out. Maybe having former classmates as neighbors was a sign from the universe that I need to get my life together. There is also the possibility that the universe is just cruel, and this is its plan to punish me. Anyways these past two years I have never felt more motivated to succeed in life. My goal after I obtain my degree is to start off as an entry level network tech and work my way up from there.

[cutekittenlady]

Tumblr Plays Pokemon White 2 - Part 7

Oh. ohhhh god. Oh it stinks.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Screw you Hugh. Its a sewer. We'll be lucky if we dont see a dead Patrat getting eaten by a Rattata or a wild Krookidile jumping out at us after getting flushed.

Thats a thing right? Krookidile in the sewers?

Look man I only have a few potions and pokeballs. Are you sure we're ready for this?

Well if you think you have enough healing potions and stuff to heal both our pokemon then I guess its okay. But I'm warning you, if I see even one rage candy bar floating in that water...

Huh... so its true what they say about death, taxes, and Zubat.

Look Hugh I know we're hunting for Plasma but just let me catch a couple of these guys for the dex. I really dont wanna have to come down here again for the entries.

Thanks to fighting through the horde of zubat. Molly learned flame wheel. That'll come in handy.

I manage to catch a Zubat I dont intend to use, but catching a rattata proved shockingly difficult cause everytime one popped out Hughs pignite slaughtered it. Guess Bentley wasn't the only starter with a dark bone in his body. Eventually did manage to catch one though. Ugh Juniper had better appreciate all this work I'm doing.

There are supposed to be grimer down there to but... no. Just... just no.

As we're going along Hugh does apologize for getting me mixed up in this whole mess, so I opt to forgive him for being so gungho about this. He is trying after all...

Huh...well that was both shockingly quick and excrutiatingly long.

Okay Hugh they haven't noticed us yet. If we stay far enough back and listen in maybe we can find out where the rest-

Dammit Hugh!

Yeah your just good Semaritins cleaning up the sewer. In front of a really suspicious hole. In matching uniforms.

Come on man.

Over my dead body.

Bentley show them the meaning of words "Your ass is grass."

Hugh and I face of against the Plasma grunts. Its my Bentley and Hughs Pignite versus their sandile and scraggy. I opt to have Bentley use Leaf Tornado on the Sandile. PIgnite hits Sandile with a flame charge before i can though, taking it out.

Dang Hugh you've been leveling these guys up! Bentley used Leafe tornado on the Scraggy instead. It doesnt do nearly as much damage, but it lands. I opt to back Hugh up by having Bentley use wrap on the Scraggy. Trapping it and letting Pignite land a solid blow.

Maybe it was seeing how much Pignites grown, maybe it was just that this last battle was the last push he needed, or maybe the stinky sewer air activated something in his genetics, but once the battle was over...

Bentley evolved into Servine!

Heck yeah we are!

After that the plasma grunts take off. These guys sure like running away. Hugh wants to go farther in, but just as i was about to dissuade him (theres only two of us, we have no idea how many more there might be, we only have a limited number of healing items) someone else beats me to it.

And just like who should pop out but Gym leader Burgh!

Evidently Burgh had already gone through the furtherest parts of the sewer looking for team plasma but found no one. After making a stellar pun, Hugh brings up about how Burgh and the other gym leaders fought against Team Plasma two years ago.

Hugh then gives me the HM for Strength and takes off.

I think Burgh made him feel a little... inadequete. Just when burgh and I were about to follow some other weirdo pops out of the hole in the wall.

He says some gibberish about how interesting out battle with plasma was and then just... walks off.

I haven't the foggiest idea Burgh.

After that Burgh takes off. I could follow after him and beat his gym but... well after seeing how strong Pignite i think it might be best if I tried training in the sewers awhile.

But right now I need air. THeres a stair well across the way. Maybe it leads up to the street.

Wow its... A little park?

Maybe I'll jusst chill here a bit and sip some lemonade before going back down into the stinky sewer.

((Going ahead and posting this. Eevee won the catching poll for this area and finding one is going to take... awhile.))

[dxpressed-stxrs]

hi everyone. i dont usually post daily little entries like this here but i feel like i have nowhere to go and nobody to talk to so tumblr it is ig.

I feel like I ate so much yesterday and the guilt is so horrifying. It's like it takes root deep in every last atom of your body and multiplies and grows. I've barely eaten for like a week and it actually worked I lost so much weight. I tried losing it 'healthily' before but nothing worked and it made me so anxious and I guess my old habits came back. so yay I'm guessing I'm relapsing. I know I've only eaten like just over 1000kcal but it was all unhealthy food and now I'm scared all the weight I lost is going to come back. And I want more than anything to self harm but I can't because it's wrong and it's taking every last ounce of my willpower to not. I already have enough scars. I want to punish myself but sometimes it also feels like it's the only time I can breathe, a moment of calm in the mess of whoever I've become. It started three years ago, and I don't think I ever really healed. I was just distracted because of exams. And now that they're gone there's nothing to stop me. And it sucks literal ass because I was so skinny and pretty before I gained all the weight back. And I hate it so much I just want things to go back to the way they were. Sometimes I look at all the fat on me and I just want a pair of scissors or a knife and i want to cut it all off. I'm scared that one day I'll give in and do it.

I have nobody to really talk to so I keep everything bottled up. I can't even remember the last time I had an honest conversation with someone about how I feel. My two close friends are the sweetest girls ever and I love them more than anything but they're not the kind of people I can talk to about all of this and ig I'd never feel comfortable with it. They don't know much about stuff like that anyway.

My acclaimed best friend is someone I met online. Yeah we've called and stuff but I've never met her irl. Before, I could talk to her and she was there for me and I, for her. But now? Now every time I even vaguely suggest I'm not okay my message gets ignored. When I message her anything in general, it gets ignored unless it's about her. And I know she's going through her own shit too and its way worse than mine but isn't a friendship supposed to be two ways? I feel like her friend. But I don't feel like she's my friend. Her boyfriend passed away two years ago now, and she suppressed all her grief for a few months and when they did finally emerge they came back strong and relentless. She wishes every night she could die so she joins him and they can be together. All she thinks about is him and he made her feel so happy and he was always there for her. I miss him too except that's silly because I'd never ever spoken a word to him and I didn't know what he looked like or what his voice sounded like. But I miss him because of the way he made my best friend happy. I wish he could come back too.

And I feel so anxious all the time. Everyone I know describes me as the bubbly nice girl who's smart and funny. But I dont see what they see. And I finished school about a month ago and now I'm going to college to do my a levels where I'll have to make new friends in a new environment. And I'm honestly terrified. Everyone keeps saying I'll make friends easily but what if I don't? I don't see anything likeable in myself. The number one thing playing in my mind on loop is how they'll all see me as a fat blob and a disgusting weirdo. I'm terrified they'll see me how I see myself. Or that I'll end up with friendship drama and it'll be like secondary school all over again.

Results day is in exactly one month. 30 days. And I have done absolutely nothing productive with my summer holidays apart from relapse and read books and watch shows. I don't even want to think about results day right now. I'm going on holiday for just one night and two days next week with my family. And I'm also so anxious and excited. I just feel so fat though so I'm keeping my expectations so low because that's all anyone will probably ever see me for. Just once I'd like someone to look at me and think wow she's pretty.

I have to be ready and up by 11am to go shopping with my mom. It's currently 4am. I came home from scouts last night and just walked into bed, cried in my pillow and then fell asleep until like 1am. And then I woke up and ate pancakes like the fat shit I am and watched a k drama (it lifted my mood okay). With scouts as well.... I'm not planning on coming back. It's been 3 years since I joined and I never really settled in ig. I have so much regrets about it, how I would have had more friends and more fun if only my mom had let me go on camping trips and had sleepovers with the rest of them. When you think of scouts you think of wilderness and camping right? So it kinda defeated the purpose when my mom was all overprotective and only let me attend weekly sessions instead of letting me go to camp. I always felt like an outcast and I'm worried I'll feel like that for the rest of my life. I keep telling myself if it's meant to be it will be and that it's in the past so there's no point in overthinking it. But I don't know. My hands shake when I think about it.

I feel my chest constricting again and there's a hollow pain in my heart. I don't know why I'm sitting here on my bed in the dark typing this on my phone with tears streaming down my face.

I'm scared. About everything.

Especially my grades even though I've done everything and more to suppress how I feel about getting them. I tried so hard for hours and hours and worked and worked. And what if I don't get the grades i want. Or missed it by a narrow mark. Whatever - I don't even want to think about it.

I wanted and still want a perfect set of results. The highest in the country. An impossible feat, I know, but maybe then I'd have achieved perfection and finally feel enough. Like something I tried actually worked out. And I'd be oh so grateful. I'd kill for it.

Anyway, this was a whole essay and a half. My eyes are closing all over again and I'm so dizzy - I always seem to be nowadays. I find comfort and solace in knowing that nobody will ever see this but there's a tiny flicker of a chance that someone will. Maybe this'll be the annoying too-long essay that pops into a feed that you find yourself skimming past. Or perhaps someone was curious enough to search diary entries on a bored afternoon and is reading this. Whatever the case, this felt therapeutic. It was nice to get my feelings out there.

- musings of a dying star

[willel]

I know you don’t read leaks. I don’t either. So I’m going to ask you what you Vecna theory are? Have you discussed this?

Hm, I sorta discussed Vecna but not recently.

It seems like they're associating Venca with Freddy Krueger a lot so I'm gonna try and go that perspective.

I haven't seen Freddy Krueger in a long time, but from what I remember in this original movie "Freddy Krueger" was a child murderer or something and when the parents in town found out what he did, they trapped him in his house and burned it to the ground.

Now he comes back in the nightmares of all the kids who were spared and kills them in their sleep, so the main cast of characters do everything they can to stay awake.

-goes to look up a synopsis-

Pretty close to what I thought except Krueger is specifically hunting the kids of the parents that killed him. Or at least, in the first movie anyway.

Reading more of this synopsis, Krueger specifically wanted to absorb their souls to be stronger and change reality.

If we go with that basic information and blend it with the Mind Flayer, maybe we can finally sorta pinpoint what the Upside Down or something.

Or let's say, the Upside Down is the creation of one being, that being Vecna? And if we continue following the Krueger plot, Vecna is someone from the "right side up" (awake world) that was trapped/forced into the upside down (dream world) and is trying to get back to the real world by absorbing others/getting stronger and twist reality? (the ending Krueger plot)

Based on what little we've seen, I honestly think that's what it is. "Vecna" is someone from the real world trapped in the "Upside Down" and twisted it to be that way and is trying to claw its way back into reality by any means.

But WHO? I don't know... based on that trailer with the hole in the wall and stuff, it must be someone El knew? Someone from the lab? I don't think El is literally the cause, I think the person she yeeted there is the cause of it all.

It could be one of the numbers??? I dunno. It just doesn't seem like it... but it could be.

OH WAIT! BACK TO THE KRUEGER PLOTLINE. He was a child murderer.

What if it's someone bad from the lab, like that one guy from S2E7 who tries to wash himself of responsibility after frying Terry's brain and probably repeatedly shocking little Kali and the other children with electric sticks.

There's an asshole there that tried to hurt/kill either El or one of the other kids. Or maybe a crazy man who went full mass murderer and was killing everyone and El yeeted them to another dimension.

It's not trapping them in a house and burning them alive level killing them but I'm sure everyone thought whoever it was was dead if all that was left on the wall was a fleshy hole?

Now that I sat down to connect the dots, this kinda makes a lot of sense to me. But I guess I'm still hung up on not understanding what the Upside Down is. Maybe it's not really the place, but inside someone's mind? Kinda like El's void space you know? Maybe the Upside Down is Venca's "void" place and it's all gross and twisted cause he's evil?

Hm... but if Venca is someone that worked at Hawkins, that would mean they had powers, right? Or maybe kinda like Will, the circumstances of El yeeting them out of existence gave them a little extra something they wouldn't normally have. Like Will having sensory abilities after being trapped there and stuff.

Would make sense why the Upside Down and its creatures just seem to consume and consume and consume without ceasing. Trying to gain more power, like literal powers.

Could explain why El lost her powers? That thing in her leg "ate" them?

Could explain why Will and the Upside Down are now irrevocably linked? He was trapped inside the mental space of an evil child killer weirdo or something can't just get away from that I guess.

Could explain why the Upside Down seems stuck in time or something? Like the world is exactly Vecna or his victims remember it as of their entry into his space? (like paint splatters on an empty canvas)

Still have no idea what this has to do with time and stuff.

Oh, I think I might've mentioned this in my other theory, but maybe Venca got yeeted so hard by El that she literally threw them through time and space?

Hm.....

[stillwooozy]

alright cause it is mutual, you definitely know a bit about me, and yeah your hunch is probably more than a little spot on. I'm not really trying to hide it. but i do perfer this form of communication. you're more blunt. we both are. i like it.

i didn't read your whole blog btw, that's too far. i was looking at kin stuff for personal reasons and your diary entries are kinda impossible to avoid. aaaand now we're here. no intentions of blackmailing anyone here, and if you do wanna continue our little convo then i have no objections <3.

what's with the false version of yourself? i don't understand that. personally i think you're charming, if a bit insecure. but as you've already called me weird a few times already, then shit guess im a weirdo for thinking so, but id rather be a weirdo than normal if being normal meant i hadn't "met" you.

Sorry that might have just been the cheesiest thing ive ever said and was probably was too much, but it popped into my head and was too smooth. couldn't not say it.

but fr, don't understand the intentional fake persona thing

[asks about fake persona while sending anon asks] hmmmmmmm.... No but to answer that -> it makes total sense & not really relevant because - if I'm right about who you are - which you're assuring me I probably am - and I feel more confident about just by... tone? Idk. ANYWAYS if I can tell who you are - or who your internet-mutual version of yourself is - through anon asks ... you're not really "faking a persona" in my humble opinion.

preference of this form of communication accepted - and I probably agree. You are very right on the blunt part. You're not a real person through anon asks, or like.. a real person in the way a therapist is a real person. Distant. Removed? Sounds derogatory, sorry.

dudeee no if you read this WHOLE blog I'd be a little off-put. I have not cyberstalked your blog either to confirm. Not being sarcastic.

"let's continue internet flirting" - 180 turn to asking about my fake persona (or whatever else I described? I forgot) - but I can't give you a good answer to that. IDK if I have a "false" version of myself or just.. no version of myself? I mean I'm continuing to base my self-perception off a genocidal stupid lunatic. so ig "identity" as a whole isn't all there for me. those neurons took a lil vacation and have been lost at sea for a few years now.

BUT THEN THE CHEESY COMEBACK - yes that's what I appreciate ty for making my day. feels "normal people scare me"-core. but in a very very smooth way. nice transition. A+.

I can't even say anything to beat that. I'll be back in a few hours after I think of something smooth to say. or maybe not soft-serve-ice-cream smooth but at the bare minimum not-freezer-burned typed of smooth

the only thing i'm struggling with here is I want to compliment or say something applicable to you (or who I think you are) in return - BUT THE LEVEL OF SHAME I'D FEEL IF WE'RE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE & I'M REFERENCING THE WRONG PERSON

so let me just think about how ~risky~ I feel tonight

the cheese is brewing

sometimes I'm very woe-is-me and I forgot what i said about a fake persona but maybe it's not as extreme as I explained it cuz like... I'm 90% sure I talk like this 'in real life' (but slower - damn - obviously - I'm not out here monologuing every conversation away). actually I don't really talk much. actually I have no idea how much I talk - insecure? (check!)

but charmingggggg <3333 I was thinking today like my 1) goal in life is to be perceived as charismatic or 'charming'. the char- descriptors are just too good.

this was not a cute reply. ik you must of sent this days ago too. damn could've looked earlier and workshopped a reply

[lewdladylily]

You've mentioned this kink club you frequent a few times, what's the place like generally? Like what kinda stuff do they have going on in a place like that?

There are about 4 within reasonable driving distance of where I live (salt lake city, Utah) but I have only gone to two of them due to time and distance constraints. Though you do get kink nights at a couple local dance clubs, I know Area 51 (local dance club) does them here and there, and they are generally kink friendly any time. The local drag queens really like Area 51.

Anyway, the kink clubs are community run and non commercial. The two I am familiar with are actually built in a residential area - from the outside it just looks like someone’s house, you would never know unless you knew. Someone owns the place and it is technically their home, but I don’t know who. They don’t like to let people know who they are and we all respect their privacy. My understanding is not even the neighbors know. As a side note, the cops all know where these clubs are, it isn’t a problem.

My personal favorite was founded around 60 years ago by the gay leather community but it’s always been open to the larger kink community, we all want somewhere to meet and do our thing so we support each other. Also there is a lot of cross over between different groups.

The one I go to most often has a large living room area that has been converted into a dance floor, which acts as the main play area, area for meetings and classes, and occasionally as an actual dance floor when events call for it. There is a sound system, dance club style lighting, padded benches along the walls, and lots of bondage furniture (also scattered around the rest of the clubhouse). There are several other rooms, 3 additional smaller play rooms, a rest area, a kitchen area (Free water bottles all the time, snacks most nights, as well as a soda machine).

Outside of the main clubhouse they built a small bar, maybe 15 feet by 30. You can smoke there, some nights they serve drinks, tables, stools, etc. You get it. It is a good hangout place, cozy and comfortable feel. I’ve spent a lot of hours there just chatting with people.

They have a consensual non consent area set up in the back half of the bar. The idea is that there is a hazard line on the floor that indicates a “danger” area, as well as a stop light they got somewhere. If it is green, all normal rules apply. If it is red then past the line cnc rules are in place - if you are past the line then it is an invitation for someone to come and do what they want with you without asking permission first (unless you safe word, safe words are always in effect). Generally people are not confident enough to do anything though, unless they already know you. I’ve never had the nerve to try it myself on either side. There is this one lady that is a really good belly dancer that likes to go hang out and dance in the CNC area. I’ve never been around for anyone doing more than groping her, but I understand sometimes people will tie her up, maybe use a vibrator on her.

There are also two chairs with built in restraints set up in the CNC area if that is your thing. 

There is also a pretty good size patio area. Generally we just sit and chat on warm evenings out there. It is technically open for scenes, and that does happen sometimes. I once saw a girl and her dominant doing a water torture scene, basically she was tied up arms behind her back, on her knees in front of a plastic tub filled with water. Her dominant shoved her head under the water, holding her in place while she tried to resist and break free. Pulled up and allowed to breathe before she was unexpectedly pushed back under. Very hot to watch.

For the more general things we get up to there, generally things are set up as events that you can attend. The entry fee was $15 last time I checked, just to cover minimal expenses. You can also donate to improve the clubhouse. It gets a good amount of donations, everyone wants a good place to hang out, but no one is getting any real amount of money out of it. All the donations go into things like buying furniture or cleaning supplies. All events are invitation only, basically any member of the clubhouse can sponsor someone for their first event, after that they have a standing invitation to any open event.

The events themselves vary greatly. The most popular events are the general play parties, where people just show up, hang out, meet people, and sometimes do some play. It is not uncommon at all for people to come without any intention of sexual play at all, it is a very comfortable, queer friendly environment. We’re all weirdos here, no one is going to judge you for whatever you do.

Generally speaking at any given time someone will be doing something though. All scenes and play being done in the clubhouse is open for anyone to watch. So if some hot girl is being tied up, or two attractive people are having sex, or if there is just a really sexy woman half naked across the room, you are free to watch the show and it is not considered impolite to stare.

At any given party you are going to see a wide variety of people. Lots of people in street clothes hanging out, chatting, and watching whatever is going on. You’ll see several people in anything they find sexy such as lingerie, corsets, formal wear, or even just straight up naked. I have seen two submissive friends come handcuffed together and only in panties. One of my friends likes to wear maid outfits with cat ears and a tail. All that good stuff. You’ll see people on leashes or other obvious signs of dominant/submissive dynamics too.

The events are 18+, and I’ve seen people in their 70s there. Most people are 25+. You’ll also find a wide variety of body types, including fat or otherwise not traditionally attractive people, trans people, you name it. That isn’t a real barrier to joining in on the fun or finding partners.

For an example of a more exclusive event, there is a gender queer play group that used to meet regularly, I am not sure if they still do. Open for trans people and cross dressers plus established allies. Strictly invitation only because this can be an extremely frightening thing for people.

I was a regular of the gender queer group, it was an easy place for me to start as a trans women. I felt more comfortable there than at a general play party until I got my bearings in the community, and I was friends with all the cross dressers by that point. Generally the idea was we would get together to hang out and chat, give all the cross dressers a night to dress up, some of the more experienced CDs would put on a workshop for how to do makeup. That sort of thing. These were more casual parties without much heavy play. You wont find people fucking in the basement, but you might see a light spanking scene.

They also do a weekly class on some kink subject. Someone in the community puts together a presentation on something they like in kink - for example, pony play, or dollification, or leather working - and you can come learn about it. I went to a leather class once where the presenter showed off these black leather angel wings she made, they were stunning.

These classes are strictly no play, with the exception of any demonstrations the presenter does, and the donation drive, in which a female volunteer brings around a donation box (it is actually a wooden duck, a lighthearted tradition that I don’t know the origin of) while stripped down to her panties in order to “encourage” donations. It’s a tongue in cheek tradition, we are all perverts so we might as well have some perverted fun and let an exhibitionist whore herself around a bit. No one is expected to donate, but it is encouraged.

The thing that might not get across easily is that this is a very comfortable atmosphere and basically one of the safest places you could go. Everything is built around safety and consent, and everyone is looking out for everyone else. I’ve done intense bdsm scenes before that left me so fucked up that I couldn’t even walk on my own. People helped me to the couch so I could rest, got me a blanket, and then got me a sealed water bottle so I could rehydrate and checked in on me regularly until I was able to properly take care of myself. I felt completely safe the entire time. I’ve watched over people like this myself before. It is just what you do.

If I had to pick a personal favorite thing, it would have to be the cages.

The clubhouse has a large standup cage, usually one occupant, but you can fairly comfortably fit two. Often someone gets locked in there and basically put on display. One time a cute girl was locked in the standing cage, her arms bound to the top of the cage, with it sitting in the middle of the room. People were encouraged to reach in and grope and touch her as they passed. I’ve locked people in there before, including heavy bondage to the bars of the cage while I groped and teased them with a vibrator. That was a ton of fun.

There is also a horizontal, long cage big enough for one person, or if you are willing to get very close and personal two people. It is comfortable enough for long periods of time. You often see a submissive or two locked in that cage, sometimes left there while their dominant goes off and plays with someone else. I met one of my good friends while she was locked in that cage. It has a padded top so it doubles as a bench for an added level of humiliation.

[collegecoward]

How do you know if going to graduate school is right for you? I’m a psych major and i dont know if I want to go law school, counseling, social work or specialize in a certain branch of psychology. I don’t have any internship experience because I’m an undergrad and it’s hard to find an internship. I have taken some psych classes (developmental, abnormal, social) but they all seem interesting and my school only has general psychology as a major.

I’m sorry this answer is coming so late. I can explain why later (I have good news!) but I want to hold myself to a higher standard for you and all my readers. This is such a good question and now that I’ve had graduate school experience, I feel like I’m finally qualified to answer this question!

Should I go to graduate school?

I’m happy you’re thinking ahead to your future! This is a big question, and I’m going to try to give you a framework to organize your thoughts. I recommend that you break down your decision into “W” and “H” questions: Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How would/will you go to graduate school? You can answer these in any order and revisit each question as needed. 

What graduate programs am I interested in?

I would recommend you ask your professors about this, especially if they have been practicing psychologists, researchers, social workers, or lawyers. You can even email random professionals (like lawyers, they love this stuff) who do work you’re interested in and see if they’ll let you ask them specific questions for a half hour. Be polite and professional, and always have your resume handy!

Having a hard time finding (paid) internships and specific classes is a common problem. You may want to look for entry-level jobs at law firms or psychologists’ offices, like an assistant or receptionist position. Although it’s not the same as an internship, working at a firm gave me a better sense of what being in the legal field is like.

If you can do research or become a research assistant while in college, I highly recommend you do so, as these experiences give you a taste of what graduate research is like. If you’re at a research university now, start asking your professors. You can also apply for summer programs at other universities.

Here’s a sampling of research programs for undergrads.

University of Wisconsin—Madison has a list of their own programs.

Here’s a list of pre-law programs for undergrads. (I did one of these, and it was super insightful! Feel free to ask about it.)

Why do I want to go to grad school?

What career opportunities will this program open up for me? Can I get the same job(s) with a different degree or different strategy?

Is my interest in a particular topic so deep and my passion so profound that I want to spend 5, 8, 10 years on this for a PhD? Or 1-3 years for an master’s? Do I enjoy research and being in an academic environment? Do I want to immerse myself in a JD program?

When would I go to grad school?

Many graduate students, professors, and advisors recommend that students take a gap year (or two or more) before attending graduate school, to get career and life experience. This may be a little difficult when you’re trying to get jobs in your field, and you might be tempted to go to grad school right now because the economy is a mess. However, many universities are also a mess and may not have a lot of money to offer you funding, which is very important to most students.

Where would I go to grad school?

What programs are known for your area of study? What state, city, or country are you interested in relocating to? Are you bound to any location because of other responsibilities, such as family or health reasons? Visit the campus. What do you like about it? Talk to the admissions officers, the professors, the students (if you can). Listen carefully. How do they describe their school? What is it really like?

Who would I want as my graduate advisor?

This is part of the “where” question, and it’s usually only relevant for research-based programs where you need an advisor, like PhDs and certain master’s degrees. Experts who are currently studying the thing you want to study or something similar may be the best people to guide you and mentor you.

How can I get to and through grad school?

This is a financial and logistical question. Do your research! You really don’t want to take out large loans for grad school, and ideally you want to get fully funded (or close to fully funded), with a tuition waiver and a stipend, especially if you’re a PhD student. Many graduate programs will offer or require you to work at the university as a teaching assistant, research assistant, or graduate assistant. Because you’ll be doing school and work, grad school can be a full-time job—you’ll want to earn income from it to pay your bills, even though it’s likely to be a very modest wage, to put it gently. Some schools or departments are desperately underfunded. Finding a program that will fund you is often critical for your well-being.

I highly recommend signing up for ProFellow emails. They have a lot of information about funding your graduate education. Also, when you are a graduate student, join your grad workers union. :)

Now, I want to mention the difference when it comes to law school because it’s kind of a weirdo here. Law schools will usually award scholarships pretty much the same way you’d get a scholarship as an undergrad. There are no grad workers, but law school is still a full-time job, although plenty of law students work and have families, whether they enroll part-time or full-time. Sometimes law school scholarships are largely based on your LSAT score (although more schools are ditching the LSAT, so we’ll see), so that’s something to be aware of, too. Some students choose to study for and take the LSAT while in college, whereas others may do this during a gap year.

……..Well, what now?

If any of this advice is confusing or intimidating, please let me know! I realize this is a ton of information, and I don’t want to stress you out. The long and the short of it is, you have plenty of time to decide, you just don’t want to make the decision all at once.

Use your resources! This is your decision, but make sure you’re getting information from all sources. Be on the lookout for graduate school fairs. Sign up for some law/graduate schools’ mailing lists and webinars and all that good stuff. I get emails from the Indiana University Robert H. McKinney School of Law, and they send out lots of easy-to-read information about applying for law school in general.

Ask your professors and academic advisor if they know of any opportunities. If you’re interested in a particular law school or graduate program, email their admissions department and professors you’re interested in working with. I want you to be as comfortable as possible with your decision, whatever you decide to do, whenever you decide.

[honeyedlashton]

“Take This Heart, Put Yourself In It”

Word count: 2665

Warnings: Smut. (Notice how I didn’t warn language? If you’ve been here for a while, just expect it at this point.)

A/N: am I going in a pattern? I did two fluffs then smut, then two fluffs and smut. Hmmm I think I’ve found a formula ladies and gentlemen.

Anyway, y’all really seemed to like the Lashton fluff I posted a few weeks ago. So this is sort of an unspoken prequel. It’s just as pointless but tbh I liked writing it so I’m not ashamed. So here she is:

———————————————————————

Waking Luke up was a process that Ashton found was easier to do with food and coffee already made. He’d had it to a science. If he needed to wake Luke up at 8 he’d wake up at 7:45 and make breakfast. It was usually something simple because if Luke didn’t want to be up that early, Ashton didn’t either.

He made Luke an omelet he’d been experimenting with this week. Today though he thought he’d finally perfected it. He got Luke’s coffee-pot-generated cappuccino. Ashton couldn’t be bothered to make it himself—and especially not this early.

Ashton went to their room and soaked in the familiar sight of Luke all wrapped up in the blankets. When he wasn’t half asleep he typically liked to look at the sight. Lukes soft little snores were so cute and for some reason never failed to make Ashton tremendously happy. Maybe it was because Luke teased Ashton for his snoring all the time. He kept the fact that Luke snored too to himself. It was like he had an inside joke with himself when Luke went on with the teasing. He’d just hold a smile and keep his mouth shut.

He wore that same smile now, but this time he didn’t keep his mouth shut. “Mornin’, baby,” he started softly, and brought Luke’s cappuccino mug to the night stand. “It’s time to wake up. It’s eight.”

Luke shifted so he laid on his belly and buried his face in the pillow. Ashton could barely make out a groan and, “not yet. You’re lying.”

“I wish I was,” Ashton giggled and combed through Luke’s curls gently. “I made breakfast.”

“Is it the omelette?” Luke turned his head. He didn’t sound excited, but it was a start to him actually waking up.

“Yeah but I perfected it.”

Luke turned his head back towards the pillow.

“It’s getting cold, and eggs don’t reheat well.”

Luke gave an exhausted sigh, and pulled the covers back. Ashton cheered him on with a soft: “there we go.” Luke set his feet on the floor and took a sip of his cappuccino.

Ashton kissed his forehead, “I’m gonna feed Piggy. Come and join us when you’re ready.”

Luke nodded softly, and the last Ashton saw before leaving he was wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

When Luke did come out of the room he was a little more awake. His silky cream sleep shorts flounced as he walked and he stretched with the coffee cup still in his hand. Petunia seemed torn between the food Ashton was about to hand her, and Luke’s entry.

“Good morning, baby girl!” Luke brightened and greeted her.

Ashton giggled at Petunia’s happy wriggling at Luke’s attention and scratches. Ashton set her food down and pet her too. He’d already greeted her when he woke up but family time was important, too.

“Did you sleep well, darling?” Luke kissed her head.

“I slept alright,” Ashton began, “had to wake up and cook, so that was a bit of a bummer.”

Luke looked up at him with a look as if to say: “I’m already over you today,” and Ashton just giggled and kissed Luke’s lips—which were still pouty from sleep. That made Luke smile a little.

“Ashy‘s a weirdo isn’t he?” Luke asked in that bouncy voice he used for Petunia. Then lifted his voice as if to speak as her to answer: “yes he is.”

“But you both love me anyway, because I’m the supplier of food. Which by the way...” Ashton pointed to the omelette, and Luke seemed to get the message.

“I swear if it’s gross again, I’m never letting you touch the stove for as long as I’m alive.”

“Someone’s cheerful this morning,” Ashton teased taking a sip of his own coffee and sitting to eat next to Luke.

“I have to prepare myself.”

“The last omelette wasn’t that bad.”

“The last omelette was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“Piggy liked it.”

“Piggy will eat anything you give her! That’s why it’s her nickname.”

Ashton pretended to be hurt, but he knew the omelette was shit. He just liked winding Luke up. “Well you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out I added nothing like what I added yesterday morning.”

“No spinach?”

“No spinach.”

“What’s that green stuff?”

“Basil.”

“Promise?”

Ashton nodded and held out his pinky.

Luke completed the pinky swear, and took a bite of the omelette. Ashton did the same and it was quiet for a second.

Ashton watched Luke’s face to see his reaction, but found it practically unreadable. But Luke got another bite, so that was a good sign. Better than yesterday by far.

“‘S good.” Ashton hadn’t expected him to comment, but it brought a smile to his face.

“I told you I’d perfected it,” Ashton smirked and took another bite. “I’ve come a long way from putting broccoli on everything.”

When the omelettes—and peaches Ashton decided to throw on the side at the last minute—were finished and the coffee mugs were empty, he washed up and found Luke playing with Petunia again. They were so soft. And Luke was much happier if he had time to spend with her in the morning, Ashton had found.

“I’m gonna shower before we have to leave,” he said leaving Luke to wake up fully.

“And you’re not gonna invite me?” Luke teased. Maybe he was more awake than Ashton had realized.

“I mean the invitation’s always open,” Ashton turned around.

Luke pursed his lips like he was actually considering it. And then, to Ashton’s surprise, he actually got up. “I could use a shower anyway, might as well save water...” he winked.

“Breakfast must’ve been good today,” Ashton laughed and tapped Luke’s bum as he walked past him.

Luke smiled and bit his lip. “Or the caffeine hit quick.”

“Or a combination of the two,” Ashton hummed.

“Maybe a combination.”

When they got to the bathroom, Ashton went ahead and cut on the water, and turned around to find Luke already starting to undress. “Hey! Don’t do that yet, that’s my favorite part.”

Luke removed his thumbs from the waistband of his shorts at Ashton’s insistence, and they popped against his hip.

Ashton had already taken off his shirt, and reached for Luke’s hand to tug him closer.

“I’m just here for a shower...” Luke said, but looked Ashton over with eyes that said the opposite.

“Oh you are, huh?” Ashton kissed him softly, and pulled him as close as he could.

“Mhmm.”

“So what’s this?” Ashton pointed to the half formed bulge in Luke’s shorts.

“None of your business,” Luke bit his lip.

“Mmm, okay,” Ashton coaxed Luke’s lip from between his teeth and kissed him again and trailed his lips down to his jaw. He slipped his fingers under the waistline of Luke’s shorts. The fabric was smooth and warm where Luke’s skin was. “May I?” He murmured against the skin of his neck.

Luke nodded instantly.

Ashton slid them off of Luke’s narrow hips, and found himself craving the feeling of Luke’s soft skin rather than the silkiness of his shorts, so he rubbed his palms up Luke’s thighs and over his bum, unconsciously humming low.

Luke had closed his eyes and let his head lull back. His arms were loosely draped over Ashton’s shoulders, yet were somehow pulling him closer. Ashton kissed at his neck, right on his pulse point. Luke sighed softly into it.

Ashton felt powerful then, but he knew he didn’t have much time to revel in it. “Go ahead and get in the shower, baby.” Luke didn’t need to be told twice, and soon Ashton was out of his own boxers he closed the glass door behind him.

He closed the distance between their bodies and kissed Luke’s bitten lips with an urgency. He smoothed his hands all over Luke’s body, and smirked when Luke let out sighs and slight moans.

“Fuck me,” Luke whispered so low Ashton could barely hear it over the shower. But he had heard it.

“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.”

“Fuck me, Ash.” Luke gestured to how aroused he was. Or maybe it was to how aroused they both were...

“I thought you said that was none of my business,” Ashton smirked.

“It’s your business now.”

“I kinda like it when you boss me around,” Ashton smirked, and slipped his fingers in Luke’s mouth. “But only in short dosages.”

Luke moaned around his fingers and the vibrations shouldn’t have made Ashton nearly weak at the knees, but it sort of did. Luke diligently sucked at them, running his tongue all around and between them—evidently not noticing Ashton’s half-lidded stare. Or maybe he did, cause when Luke’s eyes met his, the pupils were blown with lust. Ashton thought it made the blue pop.

When Ashton felt like his fingers were slick enough, he pulled them out. A trail of saliva followed and Ashton practically groaned at the sight. He reached around and teased Luke’s entrance. And Luke bit his lip and moaned when he slipped his first finger past the rim. “Fuck, Ash...”

Ashton worked the next finger, and then the next, trying to get deep enough to hit Luke’s spot. And when he did Luke gasped and leaned his head back against the tile. Ashton curled his fingers to really make him feel it, and Luke whimpered.

“Stop playing around...” Luke gave him a pouty look.

He was right. He didn’t have time to play. And typically he wouldn’t cut corners, but Luke’s mouth was already the perfect consistency, “will you slick me up, baby?” Ashton asked thumbing over Luke’s lower lip.

Luke took Ashton’s thumb in his mouth as if asking an unspoken question.

Ashton nodded in answer, and Luke let go of Ashton’s thumb and squat down so he was eye-level with Ashton’s hips. It didn’t take hardly any time to take Ashton’s length, swirl his tongue over the head, and swallow him completely. Ashton shuddered a groan at the speed of it.

“Fuck, babe, your mouth was made for this...”

Luke hummed and Ashton could feel his tongue working at him. He had to practically brace himself against the tile.

“Don’t get too fancy. You still wanna get fucked don’t you?” Ashton hissed but found his free hand tangled in Luke’s hair. Neither keeping him on, nor moving him off.

Luke looked up at him with those big lusting blue eyes and exaggerated the “pop” his mouth makes when he popped off. Ashton pulled him back up and kissed him deeply. He could taste a little bit himself on Luke’s tongue and that sent him into a sort of frenzy.

As if Luke could sense his desires, he broke the kiss and turned around and braced his forearms against the tile. Ashton growled low and gripped Luke’s hips and aligned them. “You’re so fucking pretty, Lu-baby.”

Luke’s small moan at the nickname grew louder and jagged when Ashton pushed inside. Ashton could feel Luke pushing back against him.

“A-Ash...” Luke gasped and braced his head against his fists on the tile.

“Feel okay, baby?” Ashton groaned softly.

Luke nodded and panted. “Feels so good. Wanna feel more...”

Ashton didn’t need to be told twice, he thrust harder. “Fuck, you’re so sexy, bunny. Keep pushing back against me...”

Luke groaned and flattened his palms against the tile, and rolled his hips back. Ashton could see the dimples in Luke’s back and thumbed over them so he could feel the muscles of his back moving.

“Jesus,” Luke panted, “you feel like a fuckin’ god, Ashy...”

Ashton tugged at Luke’s medium length curls and Luke must have wanted his head tugged back, cause it took no effort to do so. In the process Luke arched his back even more pulling Ashton deeper without even trying.

Ashton got close to Luke’s ear and growled. “My Lu, my angel. You’re perfect. Your body is divine... aways has been. You fit me perfectly...”

Ashton couldn’t tell, but he knew Luke’s eyes rolled back. He heard the groan. He felt Luke clench around him. Ashton let out guttural moan in retaliation.

“Yes,” Luke panted and bit his lip, “keep telling me how much you want me...”

Ashton angled his hips to hit Luke’s spot, and was pleased when Luke cried out accordingly. He leaned back in, close to his ear, and growled, “every single day since I met you, baby. I’m glad I got to take your virginity. I’m glad I got to make these dimples,” he pressed his thumbs on them, and Luke let out a shuddery moan. “I’m glad I get to see how much of a dirty slut you are on a regular basis. In every way you let me...”

Luke rocked his hips back against him. He was begging him to go harder, so Ashton went as hard as he could. He didn’t know if it was the steam or the way Luke was practically yelling his name, but Ashton felt like he’d overheat any second, but in the best way.

Ashton was even being loud, that was the strange thing. Ashton was almost never loud. But right now he was gripping Luke’s hair with one hand, his hip with his other, and calling Luke’s name into his shoulder. Biting down on the fleshy part of his shoulder.

“Fuck, fuck! Ashton!” Luke scratched his fingers on the wall. “‘M so close, Ashy... Please!”

Ashton could feel Luke’s legs wobbling. He licked along the thin skin of Luke’s neck, and blew a cool breath on it. Luke’s belly spasmed at that and Ashton knew he couldn’t push him much more. He leaned in and growled close to Luke’s ear. “Come for me, angel.”

Luke’s head fell back against Ashton’s shoulder, and the cry he let out was one that Ashton wanted embedded in his memory.

Luke clenched around him uncontrollably, and that sent Ashton over the edge. He shuddered forward and came inside Luke, with his head buried in his shoulder.

It was a long minute before either of them moved, waiting for their breath to catch a slower pace.

“I love you,” Ashton breathed into the skin of Luke’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Luke sighed. He got up from Ashton’s shoulder and pulled off. Ashton heard him whimper slightly, but he turned around and Ashton kissed him again.

“You’re so beautiful.” Ashton hummed. “I love seeing you fucked out. Even better that we’re going in public today.”

“It’s my favorite accessory,” Luke smirked, “sex bitten lips are just in fashion.”

Ashton giggled and hummed shampooing Luke’s hair with the lavender shampoo. “Then it sounds like I should just fuck you right before we go in public all the time.”

“Saves me money on blush,” Luke teased.

“I actually think blush would be really cute on you.”

“I know.”

“Will you wear some?”

“Today?”

“Whenever.”

Luke looked in thought for a second then shrugged. “Tomorrow. Maybe.”

“That’s fine. I want you to embrace the freshly-fucked look today. And maybe if we don’t get to it tomorrow morning, wear blush.”

“Or wear blush even if we do.”

“Or that,” Ashton smirked.

Luke looked at him with sparkly eyes and Ashton fell in love all over again. “Thank you for breakfast, baby.”

“No need to thank me, Lu.”

“Thank you for not trying to poison me again then. I’ll let you use the stove again.”

“In my own house, thanks,” Ashton rolled his eyes fondly.

Luke brushed their noses together and climbed out of the shower, somehow managing to look innocent, like nothing happened at all.

And Ashton felt it. The longing for this to be their life for real. He would give anything for this to not just be temporary. A time when they could be together not in secret. But he knew his days of waking Luke up with coffee are numbered.

He sighed and reminded himself that getting better sometimes hurts. But for now, he could at least pretend it would last.

Maybe someday, he’d convince himself of it.

[pfandghoul]

what the sokovia accords really are

a quick study bc what the fuck guys

(copied from the mcu wiki entry about the accords - all of it and not just parts of it)

here goes:

The currently known regulations established by the Sokovia Accords include:

Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the United Nations and provide biometric data such as fingerprints and DNA samples.

- Any who AGREE to sign. I dont think this is asking too much. If ur working for a government agency, if ur using force in any way during ur work, I think its fair to ask you to give them biometric data. And if its only so in case there is an investigation afterwards (which their always should be imo) its clear distinguishable who was where and did what.

- Also, what if someone suddenly decides "something happened, im changing sides, imma take revenge" (no matter if its a concious decision or brainwashing 👀)? Would probably be good to have some data and perhaps be able to track them. If its managable or not- hm. But theres no harm in giving that data if ur only goal is working towards a safer world.

-----

Those with secret identities must reveal their legal names and true identities to the United Nations.

- Oh nooo, no unknown vigilantes that might make mistakes while fighting on their own and then cant be held accountable? No one is perfect, OF COURSE, but from a realistic pov I wouldnt feel safe with someone running around fighting whoever-

And I know we love the romantic comic fantasy of "everybody can be a hero", and I swear I love it as much as you! But imagine ur just a normal person while spiderman is swinging above ur head- or even imagine ur spiderman- and then one tiny thing wents wrong. The normal person is crushed, dead or paralysed- Spiderman is in shock because that was Not supposed to happen and he is so so sorry!- But what now?

- If enhanced people were to work under an organisation (that is ideally not as shady and riddled with Hydra as Shield was) then those incidents would be covered. Yes it would still be terrible but Spiderman would get mandatory therapy session to work through it and the normal person... well if theyre dead then i guess the organisation would at least pay for the funeral and compensate the family (like if they were the only one providing for partner and kids), additionally a conversation between both partys if possible.

-Basically: nothing can be swept under the rug. The enhanced people can be protected!!! PLUS they only have to reveal their identity to the UN and not the world.

---------

Those with innate powers must submit to a power analysis, which will categorize their threat level and determine potential health risks.

- This would benefit the person with power too, you realize that, dont you?

You cant possibly know how much power you actually have. Is there gonna be another level-up for you? Are you Jean Grey? We wouldnt want to repeat that specific clusterfuck, right?

But if you submit to an analysis it can help find ways to train you, circle ur weaknesses, etc.

Yes the UN would know ur threat level- and that would be bad why? Are you planning to attack Them? If not then no problem. Instead they would know if they should send you in or not- depending... you dont need a level 5 when there is a cat in a tree. We want to avoid unnecessary damage, thank you. If ur a level 1 you also dont want to be on the front lines against an alien invasion for example- better help evacuate non-powered individuals and not die immediately.

- Also worth mentioning: this is all still part of the "if you agree to sign" paragraph

-------

Those with innate powers must also wear tracking bracelets at all times.

- Yes I admit this one sucks. I could argue the pros but I dont really want to because this one is literally just a "we want to control you" rule and should be scratched.

------- (new paragraph in the accords)----

Any enhanced individuals who sign are prohibited from taking action in any country other than their own, unless they are first given clearance by either that country's government or by a United Nations subcommittee.

- I really want to think I dont have to say anything here but I feel I do.

No I do not want a guy wearing an american flag running around in my country if my government didnt explicitely allow it. Same for a giant tin man or a creepy spiderlady.

- If anything then this paragraph would help improve the communication between countries. Yes people fear that in emergencies this will all take too long but 1) thats not the Accords fault and 2) I think we already have situations like this irl and most times it does work.

---------

Governments are forbidden from deploying enhanced individuals outside of their own national borders, unless those individuals are given clearance as described above. The same rule also applies to non-government organizations that operate on a global scale (including S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- Same reasoning. I really really dont want Shield around with their shady everything.

- And always needing consent before weaking havoc in other countries? nice

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who do not sign will not be allowed to take part in any police, military, or espionage activities, or to otherwise participate in any national or international conflict, even in their own country.

- Basically if you dont sign up then you cant be a super-cop. Groundbreaking.

(This is very much explained in the first paragraph already.)

----------

As a corollary, they will not be allowed to participate in any active missions undertaken by private or governmental law enforcement/military/intelligence organizations (such as S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- s a m e t h i n g

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who use their powers to break the law (including those who take part in extralegal vigilante activities), or are otherwise deemed to be a threat to the safety of the general public, may be detained indefinitely without trial.

If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, or obstructs the actions of those enforcing the Accords, they may likewise be arrested and detained indefinitely without trial.

- Cancel the without trial part and then Id say its just. This way it stinks and I feel Ross had his hands in this. No, I am not defending this one. Its Not Okay.

------(new paragraph)-------

The use of technology to bestow individuals with innate superhuman capabilities is strictly regulated, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology (such as Asgardian and Chitauri weaponry).

- You cant just experient and turn urself into the Hulk anymore??? Where is the fun in that?? //sarcasm//

- I dont need to go deeper into this, do I?

-------

The creation of self-aware artificial intelligences is completely prohibited.

- Here comes a problem. For Tony mostly.

- I can think of a few reasons for this but I dont think many people are even capable of doing this. I think it would bd enough to file a request if you want to try and build an AI.

--------(new paragraph)----

The Avengers will no longer be a private organization and will operate under the supervision of the United Nations.

- See.. all of the above on why this is a good thing?

- The Avengers as a private organisation is actually a super scary thought. And if you arent at least a little freaked out about this (all from the point of looking at this as if it were real) then idk what to tell you.

---------(new paragraph)-------

For the purposes of the Accords, an "enhanced individual" is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities. This includes individuals whose powers are an innate function of their biology as well as individuals who utilize highly advanced technology to grant themselves superhuman capabilities. However, individuals with advanced prostheses do not seem to be considered "enhanced", even if their prostheses give them capabilities beyond those of ordinary humans. 

- Basically just explaining what they mean by "enhanced individual": people with powers. Doesnt matter if you are born with ur power or built urself a supersuit.

-If you got leg protheses that are super bouncy you arent considered an "enhanced individual" (to put it as simple as possible).

-----

All members of the Avengers are subject to the same conditions as enhanced individuals, even if they are not enhanced themselves: Black Widow was required to sign so she could continue serving on the Avengers, and Hawkeye was incarcerated on the Raft after violating the Accords.

- I think this is fair because if you consider urself an Avenger and fight with them then you also should be held accountable.

- You wouldnt want a Someone to work in super-person capacity which both gives a great deal of responsibility and allows a high chance of fuck ups and destruction without them having any regulations, okay?

AND THATS ALL THERE IS

THATS ALL THE MCU WIKI SAYS THERE IS

Which is ofc bullshit because the Accords were thick and 117 countries worked on them for idk how long. Do you understand what that takes? The compromises and politic battles thats been fought over this document?

And yes it is still not perfect.

But who in the seven Hells said that this was the final draft? Who??

"I dont wanna sign away my freedom of choice" F you! What about my freedom of choice of having some costumed weirdos run around my town blowing stuff up killing people?

"We cant save everyone" yEAH but maybe just mAyBe if you werent a dumb cunt then mayyybe with some teamwork with the countries respective secrurity personell (as every fucking country does have) then maybe Kyle, Maria and Dembe would still be alive?? Who knows.

So what I hear is "I dont wanna give up my freedom and continue to do as I see fit. Because I think I am a better judge than a UN committee and 117 governments that dont want me breaking into their countries on a semi-regular basis."

and thats why im generally pro-Accords :)

[agustdef]

Here & Now - Chapter 1

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Fluff; Chill romance

Word Count: 1,963

Warning: None.

Banner Marker: @dee-ehn​

Author’s Note: This is my first time posting fanfic so I hope it’s alright. I’m going to try and update at least once a week. 

"Kendall!" The shrill voice barely registered through the music blasting through my ears. Pausing the track I pushed off my headphones and turned around. I was met with my friend, Matthew, glaring me down.

"Can I help you?"

He rolled his eyes, plopping onto the couch next to my work station.

"You've been ignoring emails, calls, and texts all day. You know those time-sensitive ones that need responses asap."

"Oh calm down, I still have ti..." My voice trailed off when I glanced at the clock on the wall. Four thirty flashed at I'd realized eight hours had passed since I'd come in, instead of the three I'd thought it to be.

"You would think that Ana bringing you the breakfast you ordered and then the lunch from the meeting we had would tip you off. Sometimes you worry me, Kendall. Your brain still working?" Matthew was clearly amused.

My mouth opened and closed, not one comeback surfacing. If I was honest he wasn't wrong, per se. Often when focused on a task it felt like my brain refused to function beyond that. Nothing else mattered and it would last for hours, or days like it did that one time where production deadlines were pushed up from a week out to four days. It didn't help that my sense of time regardless of what I was doing.

"Shut up. Just tell me why you're here."

Matthew being the jerk he is just continued to smile at me, languishing in my annoyed state. He enjoyed rendering my speechless way too much. I think it was because it was the only time he could win against me.

When minutes passed and silence became too much I grabbed a crumpled wrapper from my desk and launched it at his face. His arms waved about in a panicked manner as if he hadn't watched the trash sail through the air and into his face.

"Chop, chop I have things to do."

Picking up the wrapper he launched it back at me, missing by a foot. He seemed less than pleased, but didn't grab anything else to complete his retaliation.

"As I was saying," he huffed, "you've not answered anything all day. There's some stuff double checking sessions, post-production information, two tracks you need to look over, some requests. Oh and obviously that thing from Hals."

"I dare you to call her that to her face."

"What? No. We're not close and that would be weird." His cheeks turned red and he glanced everywhere but at me.

It was so cute. "Your crush is showing."

"I don't have a crush. She's not my type." He scoffed.

It was my turn to scoff and to roll my eyes. I had no clue why he always used that as an excuse. "It's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that even though you are not attracted to female and femme people that they are attractive. Don't know why you weirdos fail to understand you can appreciate a person's beauty without having a thing for them."

Matthew groaned, throwing himself back against the couch. No doubt he was tired of having that conversation with me, but I needed him to get it together. Nothing about being flustered about someone's level of attractiveness meant that you were something you weren't.

Another dramatic sigh from him and he sat up again. "Anyways... you should get those out of the way and then go home. Seeing as I know you have a full day for both your jobs tomorrow. And because you're only here working on your own stuff and not for a client."

Arguments presented themselves in my head, but none of the came out. I was in no mood to back and forth with him all day. Plus, he wasn't wrong yet again. I'd finished working on a song for an upcoming album an hour after I arrived and had only been emptying my head of all the beats locked in there. They tended to be like plot bunnies and those rarely left my head unless I gave them some attention.

"Better idea. I go home and answer the emails." He went to interrupt me, but I held up a finger. "With the promise of getting it all done by seven thirty and sending you images of my empty inbox. As well as the sent box."

For a second he stared me down, eyes narrowed. You could see the gears turning in his head and it almost looked like he'd say no.

"Okay. Go straight home and get it done. I will let myself in if none of that is done and will micromanage the whole process."

He stood and so did I, move in for a hug.

"And stop blocking Marcus when he annoys you. He, your agent, shouldn't have to send me to tell you this stuff," he said as he pulled away.

"Will do."

With one parting glare he left the studio, leaving me to myself. For a moment I just stood there, tired washing over me as I finally realized how long I'd been awake. The night was spent pumping out a scene that had come just as REM sleep was hitting and I'd only gotten about an hour and a half before coming in. I'd knock out the moment I got home if I had my way, but I had stuff to do. So much stuff.

Taking a deep breath I pushed a stray braid behind my ear and got to work cleaning up. Most of the stuff was sitting piled neatly together, so I shoved it into the trash can. Once the bag was tied and next to my door I replaced it and gathered my other stuff. I'd left my laptop at home, so I just shoved my notebooks into my bag along with my chargers. After sending myself everything and saving it in a million different locations I shut it all done and left.

A few people were heading out with me, the workday finishing for everyone. We all nodded in greeting, but thankfully no one stopped to chat. By the time I reached the exit the Uber I ordered awaited me outside and I hopped in. The universe had to love me because besides a greeting my college-age driver didn't say a word to me.

On the ride home I skimmed my emails via phone and noticed that a lot of them weren't even that pressing. Most were just quick things that I could answer right then and there. And of course there was the email from Halsey, but I already knew what it had to say and I didn't have the information she needed with me. As I sifted through the emails about wanting to work with me I saw one that was interesting, but before I could open it we came to a stop.

Glancing up I noticed we were at my building and got out with a quick bye. Walking in I waved at the woman at the security desk and ran to the elevator whose doors were closing quickly. I just barely slid through, hurting my hip a little from it hitting it.

"Shit."

Rubbing it only irritated the area and I was sure I'd have a light bruise by morning. Why I continued to try and squeeze my hips through things knowing that there wasn't enough room I was unsure. One day I would learn. Though probably not.

By the time I reached the inside of my apartment the throbbing had dulled a bit, but increased in frequency. Reaching down to take off my shoes at the door was no, so I had to kick them haphazardly onto the rack.

As I assumed I felt the urge to face plant onto my couch or bed upon entry, but I fought it off. I needed to eat and handle the emails, but I'd drift the moment my fingers stopped typing. So, I rushed to the bathroom, stripped and hopped into the shower. The scorching heat put some pep into me and made me forget all about those articles that said overtly hot showers were bad for you.

Fifteen minutes later I emerged refreshed and with wet braids. Putting on my shower cap was an option but my box braids were almost done for and I couldn't be bothered to try and protect them.

Once I was dry and dressed in a too big shirt and cotton booty shorts I moved to my studio. For a second I thought about working on the track I started at the office, but I knew that I'd spend all my time doing that and only that. It almost sent me out of the studio and took the office I had set up in the spare room, but I needed a lesson in self-control.

Booting everything up I absentmindedly fiddled with the rubix cube I kept on the desk, but never actually tried to solve. After a few seconds, the silence got to me.

"Alexa."

The device glowed from where it was placed on a shelf in the corner.

"Play Always and Forever playlist."

Several seconds later she complied and HyunA's Cause I'm God Girl came on. A smile formed as I hummed along to the song. It was one of my favorites by her. Working with her was still on my goal board and it felt so close and yet so far.

Finally, my computer was ready to go, so I logged in and ignored the call that the icon for my software put out. There was one mission and one mission only. The same urge came when I logged in and saw the copy of the chapter I'd finished sitting in my inbox, but I ignored that as well.

"Focus ya weirdo."

I sped through the rest of the easier emails and forwarded the ones that requested me to work with them to Marcus with a yay or nay. It was technically his job to look and then show me the options, but I preferred to see them myself first.

When I reached Halsey email I almost rolled my eyes, a small laugh at her overly sweet wording. Though cute it made me question if I was being buttered up for something, since she tended to do that when she knew I wouldn't agree or that I was on the fence.

By the time I'd sent her over the tracks similar to what she was looking for, some files of vocals she'd done when I worked with her before and my schedule for the next month my speakers went through two other songs and was playing BTS' Baepsae.

Everything else was taken care of, which left the email I'd seen while in the car. Its subject line was normal, giving nothing away but something about it just felt different. Opening it up the difference jumped out immediately. Korean filled the screen and for a moment my brain shut down. After a deep breath, my eyes scanned the text, slowly decoding what it said. I tripped here and there, because even after ten years of learning it sometimes words were forgotten.

At the end I felt like I'd read the entire thing wrong, my chest was moving rapidly and I didn't know if I should be excited or if this was some cruel joke. Once the Korean stopped English started, all of it relaying what I'd just read. I frantically read until the completion, looking for the words that had sent me into a tizzy and there they were.

Our artist and producer SUGA/Min Yoongi would like it very much if you consider his offer to work together.

J-Hope finished out Baepsae just as I slumped in my chair.

"Holy shit." 

[jinjojess]

As I was tagging the last reblog I was thinking of adding a playful "meet me in the pit workshop" joke but it occurred to me that… I have actually encountered someone similar to these folks in the wild during my MFA program. Not exactly the same, but a related phenomenon.

(Cut for length, don’t worry there’s a tl;dr at the end)

My degree was a 2 year fiction writing one, and every semester you had to take mandatory lit courses as well as a workshop course. For those of you who aren't familiar, a workshop is generally run like so:

person/people submit a piece to the class to be read and then critiqued the following lesson

during the crit phase, everyone in the room except the author discusses the work: what worked, what didn't, how they felt about it, etc.

the writer cannot say anything until the very end of the critique; it's usually encouraged that they only answer any direct questions and/or reply with "Thank you for your comments."

writer reworks the piece according to whatever input they deemed helpful and resubmit again later to repeat the process

As you can imagine, it's a VERY good way to thicken your skin and learn to tell helpful critique from stupid nonsense (i.e., the guy who insisted you always needed more talking animals). My first workshop in undergrad started off with a girl calling my opening paragraph "so pretentious [she] wanted to slit [her] wrists more than continue". I'm still grateful to her to this day, because hot damn was that what I needed to hear.

Anyway, by the time I got to grad school, all the people in my year were already workshop veterans, and so we were generally polite in our feedback, even if it was firmly critical.

Then, in my second year, we got an influx of new people, along with some…unique personalities, one of which was a girl clearly raised on YT film critics (and maybe fanfic sporking, but I suspect that might've been before her time).

When my friend TK submitted a story about a Latina sex worker conflicted over whether or not to marry her white boyfriend because of her complicated feelings regarding her work and heritage, this girl ripped into it. Nothing in this story was salvageable. It was misogynistic, it was tropey, it was racist, it was too idealistic, the characters were all horrible people. (In reality I wouldn't say it did any of those things, thanks in most part to the degree of nuance my friend gave the protagonist and the focus on her relatable human struggles regarding work vs love life vs public image vs personal community etc.) The story was stupid and Bad the writer should feel ashamed.

Understandably everyone was a bit ??? at this read, and even the eccentric professor known for tough love asked her to tone it back a bit, but we treated her critiques as valid like all the others. TK was kind of shell-shocked for a bit after, choosing instead to work on a different story of hers.

When the time came around for the hyper-critic girl to submit, we were pretty intrigued to see what she thought great work would look like. If TK's story was entry-level schlock, then this girl must have some serious avant-garde ideas about narrative. My buddy J, who exclusively wrote in meta-textual symbolism, was particularly excited.

Here's the synopsis of hyper-critic girl's story:

White Anglo-American girl is told she cannot date white Italian-American boy because he's new to the neighborhood. They sneak out and go on a date to a 50s-style candy shop, after which girl decides she's in love and will see the boy again no matter what.

Cue ??? from all of us Part II.

We were pretty gracious in our feedback, since no one wanted to be That Guy and sink to her level, but we did bring up the distinct lack of…oh, racial minorities, queer people, realistic tensions or conflicts, and anything new or unique.

What we discovered was that she had panicked when it was her time on the chopping block, and had resorted to writing the safest thing possible. Ironically, her story in all its blandness was more offensive to good writing than TK's could ever hope to be. (Not to mention pretty exclusionary to anyone but the most mainstream of audiences.)

In the end, her writing improved a lot after that (she had a weird dud about intra-family melodrama that had the depth of a soap opera, but following that one she started coming up with much better stuff) and she got way better at giving thoughtful critique.

Obviously this isn't a 1:1 comparison with the purity types, but it strikes me as similar because I see a lot of "writing advice" on Tumblr centering on this idea that you should only address the safest of topics or risk doing A Bad Thing. If you try to include anything but the most mainstream of ideas or subjects, then it must be 100% perfect or else it will be the sole downfall of society. It explains the viciousness aimed at works that do try to be more inclusive, while leaving other things that don't try alone. This paralyzing fear of feedback is where the Every Ending Must Be Happy people come from, since tragedy and pathos will often take a more delicate, deft touch and they’re terrified of being written off as edgy or cynical.

Basically the only rule of writing is that you can write whatever you want, just do it well. Not everyone will like it, and that's okay. You will write things that can be interpreted in a problematic way, and that's just an occupational hazard. Despite what purity types think, a writer cannot control what a reader will take away from their work. 

So here’s the point: treat all feedback like you're in a workshop. The stuff you can use, use, and don't be intimidated into sanding off everything that makes your writing unique and interesting. Sometimes the weirdo telling you that you need to eliminate children from your stories or include more talking snakes has no idea what they’re talking about either.

[neighbours-kid]

A Very Whovian February

Here we go again, another month over already. To nobody’s surprise whatsoever, I have continued watching way too many movies and tv show episodes in February as well. There weren’t as much as in January because university started again, but there were some. It totals in at 3 movies, 1 musical, and 116 episodes of tv. I was a bit heavy on the shows this month, less so on the movies, as you can see.

February is always a….peculiar month, if you will. It’s short, it’s half holiday and half university, it’s sort of winter but not anymore, and just really weird. What was particularly strange about this month however, was that even though I sort of committed myself to binging through Money Heist once more—and managed three episodes—I quickly went back on that decision and made another, rather bigger commitment: I decided to re-watch and finally catch up on Doctor Who. No one was more surprised at this decision than me, I believe.

I used to love this show, I used to talk about little else. Doctor Who dominated big parts of my interests for a few years. Through a combination of my brother watching the show and me discovering tumblr, I started watching it in 2012. That was right at the end of ninth grade and the beginning of grammar school. I was 16. I was awful. I talked about it constantly, and especially after I “converted” a friend and she ended up watching it too, it was a constant stream of talking about Doctor Who, always, all the time, everywhere. Which I now understand is annoying as hell. However, back then? People being annoyed with it and sort of shaming me for it? That—and the show losing what made me love it mostly through Moffat taking over—made me stop watching it. At some point I just—stopped. I didn’t talk about it, didn’t think about it much anymore, unfollowed a lot of blogs on tumblr who posted about it, and turned my interests elsewhere. I abandoned it.

For a while there it was also just a thing that I didn’t wanna touch. I watched it in a part of my life where I was awful and toxic and just not a really fun human being to be around, I think. At least I don’t look back at this time all too fondly. It was just part of a person who I wasn’t anymore, who I grew out of, grew up from, and largely also moved on from. It was a strange time. But it was always sort of at the back of my mind as something that I loved, something that brought me great joy and parts of which I really missed deep down. Once I got a Netflix account and it kept appearing in my suggestions, my resolve to not go back to it started to crumble and I ultimately decided that I could learn to love this show again and maybe be better about it this time around. And I also just really wanted to give Peter and Jodie a chance, because no matter how good or bad the stories are, taking on a role like the Doctor is a feat, and I want to give them the opportunity to impress me and make me like them.

Watching that very first episode of Chris Eccleston’s arc at the beginning of this month felt very similar to when I completely re-read all of Naruto last Spring. It felt like coming home, like re-discovering a long lost love. And I am loving it. I am enjoying this tremendously. The monsters are ridiculous, the CGI is hilariously bad, the masks and make-up are insanely cool, the stories are simple and honest and lovely and I just adore it so much. Russel T. Davis was such a wonderful show runner, his vision for the show was so….lovely and simple and human. There were so many brilliant moments in the first four seasons, the companions were fascinating and conflicting and challenging and the Doctor was fantastic and brilliant. And even now that I have already binged through most of Matt’s arc as well, I still appreciate this show. The first time around, I think, I wasn’t too fond of Matt as the Doctor because I really loved David and his take on it, but this time, I am really enjoying Matt’s way of navigating that sort of dichotomy of darkness and ridiculousness that the Doctor has. Matt is fun. David is still my absolute favourite, but I am enjoying Matt tremendously as well. The CGI might have gotten better, the stories bigger and bolder, and, what I felt the first time around, maybe lost a bit of it’s simple and human aspects, but it is still a show that makes you keep thinking, what if?

If you know me you know that I often say the words “ugh I hate people”. I hold the opinion on most days that we, humans, are the worst and we’re being for the most part terrible to ourselves, our environment, and that Earth would be better off if we all just died. However, on odd days in between, I am also like insanely fascinated by humans and by what we can do and who we are and all that. Watching nearly seven seasons of Doctor Who in one month and seeing the world and humans through the Doctor’s eyes, raised those odd days in between to a level able to compete with my humans-suck days. It’s basically 50/50 now, to be honest. If you boil my entire life down to a single conflict it’s that of HUMANS SUCK WE’RE THE WORST and HUMANS MY DUDE HUMANS WE HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL. Basically. Combine this binge-watch with the Opportunity Rover dying and you have me sobbing in a corner filled with hope for humanity and the need to change the world, because we could.

Oh.

Well.

Look at that. This is supposed to be a recap slash diary entry about this month and I have already spent all this time talking about Doctor Who. Can you imagine how annoying I was when I watched it the first time? Yeeeaaaah.

Anyway.

Watching Doctor Who was not actually the only thing I did in this month. I did a lot of procrastinating on a paper about witchcraft in Dutch art which I then finally finished the day before I had to hand it in, started university back up again in the middle of it, helped some friends on their moving day, hung out with other friends, went to a birthday, and, y’know, did things human beings do.

But—and I’m going back to Doctor Who again, sort of, I am so sorry—I also read a book. And not just some book. It was Good Omens by the two amazing gentlemen Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Watching four seasons of David Tennant being amazing on Doctor Who also made me re-discover my adoration for him. Not that I didn’t already know that, I mean I did just watch him in Broadchurch. He is just great and I love watching him in things. And then he started a podcast (David Tennant Does A Podcast With…, it’s amazing, you should all listen to it) and he’s on radio shows promoting it and he is just ever present. And there was press and information and stuff going around for the tv adaption of Good Omens in which David plays Crowley, so he was just constantly on my mind. So I said to myself, hell yes, you need to re-read Good Omens before the show comes out in May, so why not do that now. And I did. And it was fantastic. And because I am me, and I am weird, I forced myself to stretch the last 100 pages of the book over an entire week, so I could walk into every first session of classes at university reading this book (four of which being theology classes, which was very important for me to be reading this book in). I needed to mark my place as resident weirdo, because who else could it be?

So, in summary, I guess my month could also be called “David Tennant February”. I watch Doctor Who nearly every evening, listen to David’s podcast every Tuesday, think about Good Omens every day—yeah, February was very heavy on the David Tennant content. I am not complaining.

To end this on a less David Tennant-y note, and a more “these things actually happened this month” bit, February has also been a month of, I don’t know, resurrection? Is that a good word? Anyway—February has brought out (or back) more of who I truly am again. Most of it is the weather (thanks climate change, I’m sorry the planet is dying), the sun being out, the temperatures already clocking in above 10 degrees celsius. I am enjoying it tremendously. I am convinced that I might be half-plant because the sun just revitalises me so strongly. Seasonal depression just goes down the gutter once the sun is out and I can feel the warmth of Spring on my skin. I am alive. Another thing is that I stopped, just really stopped giving a shit at university about other people and what they think. I am using all the bathrooms, no matter what. I am going by Alex even in German classes. I don’t apologise for anything or justify my actions. I don’t care anymore. What I do care about, is that I finally got a date for my consultation with a psychiatrist here in the city. I am partially excited and happy about it, however I also, as soon as I opened the envelope, felt completely numb and detached because the date is in June and that’s still so far off, which I guess I knew would be the case, but having confirmation for it, was just a bit…much, I think. Knowing that my future is in the hands of other people is not a thought I like very much and having to wait for other people to have time for me in that perspective is just not a fun thing. But we’ll get there. Eventually.

I don’t know guys, this post is just full on stream of consciousness, just me blabbing on and on about things that I don’t think anybody really cares about. But like I said last time, this is supposed to be a sort of diary entry for my garbage brain to remember what I did in my life, so y’know, this is valid.

I’ll talk to y’all in a month. Be good out there, guys. Be good.

Bye.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you - the person reading this - won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Every time I see Fifty Shades of Grey I like it less. Say what you will about the first Twilight (the book or the film), which inspired author E. L. James to create her own series of books (I’m being nice. This series started as a fan-fic). At least it had stuff going on. Twilight creates its own spin on vampires, contains a mystery, has villains and stakes. Fifty Shades of Grey is what you get when you take out everything exciting about Stephenie Meyers’ novel and replace it with entry-level BDSM and nudity. This whole film should’ve lasted AT MOST 45 minutes, not over 2 hours!

Twenty-one-year-old Anastasia Steele (no, really, that’s the name of Dakota Johnson’s character) is smitten by the handsome, aloof billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). When they begin dating, is she prepared for Christian’s singular and very distinct tastes?

To buy this story, you’ve got to suspend your disbelief so high up it’s prone to get sucked right out of Earth’s atmosphere. There’s nothing romantic about this tale of two beings so mismatched they kind of deserve each other, lest they ruin two other people’s chances to be happy. The concept of a mousy, self-doubting woman who can’t picture herself as a sexual being is taken to such an extreme it's borderline hysterical. When given the chance to research Christian Grey’s bedroom preferences, she doesn’t. When he explicitly tells her what he isn’t comfortable with, she pressures him into them. Time after time, Christian Grey tells Ana there are certain things he likes, and that while they may be "unusual", that's his thing. She is unable to wrap her mind around this concept. We see her graduate from college. This requires a certain amount of intelligence, so why is our protagonist stupider than everyone in the audience?

Lest you think I’m siding with the guy, Christian Grey is nothing but a rich creep who is just a couple of bad days away from shooting snuff films while hanging out with Patrick Bateman. The man does things no one would ever forgive, and not even to be cruel. He doesn’t realize he’s a maniac. He's just the type of weirdo that will show up when he thinks you're "in trouble" (code for "doing something he doesn't approve of"). If you don’t think what he does is that weird, I dare you to cast someone who looks like me in the role, or have Grey’s “thing” be cropophilia. Suddenly all of his speeches will have you running for the hills.

If you can separate the sex scenes from the characters engaged in them, the film is just ok. It’s well shot and the cinematography is professional. The problem is that the foreplay just doesn’t have the sensual quality that makes you want to run out of the theatre so you and your date can tear each others’ clothes off. Not helping is that all the BDSM we see is junior-level stuff, or the kind that looks flashy but ultimately, isn’t real. Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t interested in delving into the psyche of spanking and handcuffs, it’s just there to make middle-aged women who would be too shy to try it out for themselves go wide-eyed.

Fifty Shades of Grey might've still worked if only Anastasia and Christian had a reason to be into each other. They don't. Their entanglement happens because the plot demands they do. It’s an unconvincing romance that leaves you cold and while there is plenty of nudity throughout, it's no substitute for buildup and the chemistry. When the story of a century-old vampire becoming infatuated with a highschooler is more convincing, your movie is in trouble. (Unrated version on Blu-ray, January 25, 2018)