#ep 14 pet project

[statementlives]

chester and norris potentially communicating through case files will be the death of me i fear.

[g0at0ad]

okay, this might be nothing. but hear me out.

was relistening to MAGP and taking notes (as one does) and i got to ep 14 (pet project).

out of habit, i've been looking up every name that pops up in the episodes in the spreadsheet that contains all the names of kids who participated in the magnus institute experiments.

shopkeeper guy who ends up vomiting snakes in this episode is named anthony walker. so i look up the last name "walker" in the spreadsheet, and wouldn't you know it?

two kids with the last name walker. aaron and ruby.

now, later in the episode, the unlucky statement giver locks themself in a room, and this is the description they give.

This room, it’s a mess. Printouts, delivery notes, a bunch of rejection letters from some institute he pinned to the wall with a kitchen knife.

coincidence? what do you guys think?

[memberoftheredstringbrigade]

Ep 14 pet project thoughts:

Alice really isn't over Sam. Hopefully Gwen can help her with that

Statement seems like it would defiantly be corruption if smirkes 14 still work

Snake shop guy really reminds me of Jane prentiss

I wonder what he was applying for at the magnus institute that he got rejected for. Archivist position?

Wow Chester really has a lot of horrific transformation statements. Huh?

I reckon Gwen has just done something to delay lenas plans or its time for her to meet another external

Sam sounded really bitter at the end of that. Poor him.

I really want Sam to be an eye avatar but by choice and then alice would have to confront him.

WHERE IS COLIN???

Still hate celia

[sapphicthunderhead]

MAGNUS PROTOCOL SPOILERS AHEAD:

I’m keeping a catalogue of prospective names for all the entities I believe we’ve encountered so far, and as of Ep 14, I’ve added a new one to the list:

1. The Embrace (Needles)— could be related to the Hunt or Slaughter due to the emphasis on physical harm and aggressiveness in the nature of its manifestation, but its association with the Desire for love and acceptance puts me in mind of both the Corruption and Desolation.

2. Hunger (“Running on Empty”)— possible outgrowth of the Spiral and Viscera from TMA, with elements of Extinction (and naturally, the flavoring provided by the context of this new universe, which I suspect had Entities before ours were transferred into it).

3. The Deep (“Marked”)— must be a relative of the Vast and Buried, but if arachnophobia can have its own eldritch embodiment, then thalassaphobia can and should too.

4. Infestation (“Pet Project”)— Corruption rebrand, but a very effective one. This episode also recalled to mind that one where some poor inspector or auditor went looking for a money laundering operation in a taxidermy shop and found a Stranger stronghold instead. I also suspect/hope that the father to whom the statement was addressed plays a role much like Detective Adelard Dekker (RIP) did in TMA.

Has anyone else been cataloguing the new entities? Any suggestions for what to call Ink5oul’s patron deity— something to do with self-loathing and a desire for transformation?

[we-never-stop-fighting-kb]

TMAGP ep 14: Pet Project

Chester's not even being subtle anymore. He just 'ceaceless watchered' all pretense out of existence.

Bro is seriously telling Sam to cease and desist with his Magnus Institute 'Pet Project.' I bet next statement is just Chester yelling at Sam to quit the OIAR and forget about the institute while he still can.

(Then again, Chester might be on to something--look what happened to Mr. Snakeman after his obsession with the institute.) I swear, if anything happens to my baby, Sam, I swear I'm gonna sic Mr. Bonzo on Rusty Quill (but respectfully, tho)

[just-browsing1222]

Finally listened to last week's episode, and I've gotta say, I am fascinated by the Smirke's 14 coding of these last couple of eps' incidents. Very Corruption two weeks ago (Pet Project), and last week incredibly Hunt (Well Run). I'm gonna use my Patreon privlige now to see what this week's ep has got going.

[lilaczx]

Live Blogging TMAGP: Ep 14, Pet Project

Hmmmm

Is this going to a be research themed statement?

Apologies about today’s quality, I woke up at 2 pm this morning at it 3:40 pm where I am.

Is Alice jealous

Not Sam talking only about work.

Is there going to be a next time?

There’s a lot of silence in this episode

Not the drama

Alice likes Cecila?!???

Oh no…

Okay where is Gwen

Oh, Hi Chester!

Okay another report hmmmm.

The Corruption?

Oh a reptile shop

Oh it’s on a nature reserve is that legal

The burden is the corruption

Oh there a decent amount of scat

Why are you letting people in

Squirrel jumping through the roof like Tom Cruise in mission impossible

Wait why did it shift

Wait is the statement giver a kid

Oh no.

Wait is this the inspector

It’s not selfish to want support

Okay the corruption

What the fuck is the shop keeper doing

Why is the shopkeeper changing

Is he infected?

Is he full of snakes?

Oh is he turning into a snake

Oh he is full of snakes

I am glad I am not afraid of snakes

Snake moss pit and crowd surfing

Did the Magnus Institute reject him

Not them being in the walls

No not the I love you.

Gwen what the fuck

Oh Gwen and Sam beef

Poor Sam

RIP that guy giving the statement, you didn’t deserve this.

[fumikagesgothsword]

FUMIKAGE TOKOYAMI

HEADCANONS!!

(or an excuse for me to dump all the thoughts my silly little critter mind thinks into your silly little critter mind!!)

1. autism!!! (I don’t have autism but I saw someone on tiktok headcanon him to be autistic so yeah!!!🤩🤩 if i’m not allowed to like headcanon him to have autism since I don’t have it then pls tell me!!)

2. dyslexia! (no specific reason for this just saw someone else headcanon him to have terrible spelling)

3. listens to mitski

4. dark shadow killed someone when they were both younger (possibly his grandad?) and it’s stuck with Fumi [like in that scene in Ep 44 roaring upheaval where when DS was going wild he said “get away from me!! you’ll die!!”☹️☹️]

5. he and dark shadow both had grudges against Hawks during the first week when they met him (birds hold grudges☺️☺️☺️)

6. gives crystals to those he likes (platonically or romantically your choice!!) like penguins do with rocks

7. HATES when someone ignores him. biggest ick ever (kinda canon cuz when Hawks ignored his phone calls and stuff during the vigilante arc and when izuku was just daydreaming about kacchan and accidentally ignored Fumi)

8. definitely got annoyed by class 1A (mostly Mina and Denki) once when he was eating chicken or something and they struck up a conversation about cannibalism (saw this in a fic I think??)

9. once got caught in his room doing a demon ritual (he revelled too much in the dark)

10. if he were looking for a romantic partner, he’d definitely go with someone who’s the complete opposite of him due to most birds liking shiny stuff (probably someone like Aoyama but I’m a multi-shipper so I’m fine with anything!!)

11. speaking about birds, most people think him to be a crow or a raven BUT he more resembles a Koel bird!! (thank you to someone on Tiktok who pointed this out, I will give you my liver☺️☺️)

12. I don’t have many headcanons for his parents but I imagine them to be..not the greatest people ever😰 (thought of this from when he mentioned in the school briefs how he’s never been to an amusement park before and I know that could be considered normal but hear me out u guys🤯🤯 I want my goth son to have angst)

13. favourite colour is purple, favourite number is 7 (I’m tweaking yall)

14. takes Halloween SO seriously (me too bro me too)

15. SOO ticklish but he vowed to take this fact to the grave (only dark shadow knows and they use it against him like “Fumikage if you don’t let me chew on Mr Aizawa’s scarf I’m telling everyone in class 1A that you’re ticklish”) OR SOMETHING

16. maladaptive daydreamer (I’m projecting with this one u guys!!)

17. knows the entire dance to Rock Lobster by The B-52’s on justdance unwillingly

18. his fav song changes a lot but at one point it was Goo Goo Muck by The Cramps

19. has to stop dark shadow from demanding pets from everyone in class 1A (it’s a daily routine)

20. knows a bunch of bird puns (blame the other silly bird man for this one😡😡)

21. won’t let anyone in his room UNLESS he’s super close to them (like how he tried to stop class 1A going into his room in the dorms episode)

22. (aged up Fumi for this one!!) the complete opposite when he’s drunk and/or high (like super chatty, energetic and giggly) is this realistic??? I haven’t been drunk or high before so idk😓

23. tolerates physical touch (like hugs and stuff) but only from those he’s super close to (or all might in that one episode!!)

24. the first time everyone in class 1A saw him without the choker on some of them (mina and denki and possibly Kirishima🤗🤗) asked him where his neck went..

25. absolutely knocked out when sick/feverish!! like incoherent mumbling, just super weak and dizzy and everything!! (I’ve been reading too much sickfics😰)

26. squawks involuntarily when caught super off guard and the first time it happened was in the class 1A dorms in front of everyone and he was so embarrassed he didn’t speak for a week

27. fluent in some random cool language (like Latin or something equally as cool!!😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎)

28. if he did have a human head then he’d dream of having every piercing on there as possible

29. has a mix of human hair and feathers so he’s gotta do like both brushing and washing it with shampoo and conditioner and stuff but also gotta preen with preening oil (birds naturally have that off of their tail feathers I think but like he doesn’t have a tail so😞)

30. you cannot tell me this man isn’t a writer like with the way he speaks it should be canon!! I can imagine him doing poems and stuff but also turning to other ways to write…(he makes sure no one in his life will ever know his AO3 username)

31. favourite sonic character is Shadow the hedgehog

32. stares outside and just zones out which resulted in the time he once accidentally spaced out while staring at someone (a character of your choice) and was so embarrassed after

33. speaking about embarrassment, he gets embarrassed super easy!!

34. is so painfully awkward around most tiny children (he’s warmed up to eri though after finding out they both have a shared love of apples)

35. sometimes cringes on what he says but knows he can’t take it back (it’s okay my son I’ll still platonically love you!!)

36. hates the fact that he’s been asked by people (TODOROKI.) if he’s Hawk’s brother or relative or something but hates it even more how Hawks barely denies it😡

37. gets his gothic mannerisms from both dark crystal (a pro hero who we can assume he idolises who is mentioned in the school briefs i think) but also a relative like an older sister!!

38. has crazy good intuition

39. is really surprised whenever someone mentions how cool or great dark shadow is since he never really heard that growing up (thank you Izuku!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

40. communication is SO important to him

41. finds it really hard to open up because of feeling like a birden (get it? “bird-en”? haha🙁🙁🙁)

42. he’s super close friends with mostly the heteromorphs of 1A like Koda, Shoji and Tsu but also friends with others who aren’t like Iida and Jirou

43. LOVES conspiracy theories

44. doesn’t cry often but when he does then you know it’s serious😞😞

45. HATES the fact that he has teeth (cuz it looks weird considering how he has a beak) so he’s vowed to never smile with his teeth

46. the type of person to say happy birthday the MOMENT it hits midnight on your birthday :))

47. used to be afraid of flying but made sure it wasn’t noticeable in front of Hawks

48. was genuinely surprised when he saw that the ones in 1A who saw dark shadow go wild didn’t like blame him or anything like how others have in the past🤯

49. dark shadow’s name is super simple because Fumikage had to pick it when they first manifested and since I can imagine he was super young when this happened he wasn’t very creative

50. whenever he and dark shadow play any type of board game together, he has to stop DS from eating the pieces when they’re losing

I got kinda unmotivated towards the end since I was so tired when I wrote all this but i’ll probably have more headcanons in the future!!🙀🙀🙀if y’all have any headcanons about him then please comment them cuz I always love hearing more!!

[murfeelee]

I posted 176 times in 2022

109 posts created (62%)

67 posts reblogged (38%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mack3030

@solori

@katsujiiccfinds

@vmsims23

@ktarsims

I tagged 176 of my posts in 2022

#sims 3 gameplay - 48 posts

#sims 3 reblog - 43 posts

#sims 3 asian - 34 posts

#thanks for using my cc - 34 posts

#sims 3 anime - 26 posts

#simblr - 19 posts

#sims 3 cc - 18 posts

#sims 3 the untamed - 17 posts

#sims 3 occult - 16 posts

#sims 3 mdzs - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 78 characters

#not technically part of the modern male witch project since they're non-binary

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Lunar New Year Set 2022

This set includes 12 conversions to usher in the Year of the Tiger! (Huge shoutout to @jennisims​​ for so many amazing creations!)

Mother Statue

Demon Aquarius

Dragon Stele

Dragon Totem as SHT EP FX Machine (functional)

Fish as Radio (functional)

Frogs

Guan Yu Statue

Monk Statue as Floor Light (functional)

Pagoda Figure Statue

Scholar Statue

Throned Figure as Wishing Well (NO FX) (functional)

Turtles as LN EP FX Machine (functional)

See the full post

165 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

#4

TW3 Skellige Set Pt1

This set includes 15 items converted from The Witcher 3:

Drakkar Front & Rear (found under Lawn Ornaments)

Drakkar as Sailboat (ISLAND PARADISE EP REQUIRED)

Dragon Decal (found under Wall Art)

Hanging Knotted Net (found under Wall Art)

Hanging Fish Net (found under Misc Decor)

Hanging Deer Rack (found under Lawn Ornaments)

Dead Deer as Bottomless Dog Bowl (PETS EP REQUIRED)

Antler Chandelier (HIGH POLY)

Cauldron as Firepit | Cauldron with Spherefish’s Mod (REQUIRED)

Brazier as Firepit

Totem as Radio

Signpost as Teleporter (found under Misc Vehicles)

Skellige Knot Pattern (found under Abstract)

See the full post

182 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

#3

Res8 Drinkable Wine Miniset

This miniset includes drinkable alcohol converted from Resident Evil 8, using Arsil’s custom beverages mod at MTS.

Both the Glass and the Bottle are fully recolorable, found under Misc Appliances.

See the full post

183 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#2

Black Girl Magic Book Default Replacements

This default replacement mod replaces EA’s default book textures with thematic real life book variations. 

See the full post

211 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

2 Cooking Cauldrons

This miniset includes two functional cooking cauldrons using the AMAZING new cooking mod by @spherefish​ over at MTS (which is REQUIRED for these to work).

EA Magic Cauldron

TSM to TS3 Physician Fireplace REDONE

TSM to TS3 Physician Fireplace REDONE

See the full post

214 notes - Posted August 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[purplehanfu]

KinnPorsche: Episode 14, Part II

notes: Spoilers! If you’ve read all these recaps- thank you! content warning: attempted suicide Ep 14 Part I /// TOC

In this episode: The dramatic conclusion to our journey! Important life lessons learned: always keep a plot twist stashed in a secret room, don’t wear a suit you care about to a shoot-out and the most reliable route to a promotion is, as always, nepotism.

“Wanna do it against the glass for old times’ sake?”

Timecoded Review

40:57 Ah the Pete and Vegas showdown I don't care about. Pete shoots Vegas in the shoulder and then punches him repeatedly. That counts as making out for these two. 

Now they really are kissing even though Vegas is bleeding heavily. 

Vegas runs off and Pete gives chase.

43:37 Dad! Not dead and pressing his Rocky & Bullwinkle style secret skull button lol. I'd love to have heard him try to explain that project to the electrician who installed it. And why the subterfuge? The door is right there- why does the lock need to be hidden behind a tiny mounted skull that's placed on the wall right where a light switch plate would be?

44:20 Hey it's a secret room with Mom inside. There must be a cryo-chamber in here as well, because Mom has not aged a day. Who put this beautiful woman in this horrible dress? That’s not an aesthetic judgement- the fit is terrible, the buttons down the front are pulling and the neckline is wonky. If you have the money to stash someone in a secret room, you have the money to dress them properly.

Oh gross, Uncle Gun is utterly disgusting and that’s why Dad hid Mom away. 

Did anyone know Dad was still alive? I feel like everyone should be a little more surprised by that. 

46:00 But we never hear the truth because Dad shoots Uncle Gun, further traumatizing Porsche's mom. "I'll take care of Vegas and Macau" says Dad. Upgrade for those two at least. I hope Tankhun inherits Uncle Gun’s scarf collection.

49:00 Vegas finds his dad; in his grief he pulls a gun on Dad. Pete pulls a gun on Vegas. Dad says welcome to the main family. Vegas runs off. Pete quits, presumably to be with Vegas. They deserve each other.

54:00 Vegas tries to kill himself, Pete stops him.

56:53 Pete: "I'm your pet. And I'm hungry." Maybe Vegas has some hedgehog chow left over.

57:45 Vegas is shot multiple times in the torso at close range. I'm sure he'll be fine. 

Yes Pete, just cry your heart out, don't try to stop the bleeding or anything.

59:59 Promotion! Dad makes Porsche the head of the minor family and gives him the ring of power, which means he either just pulled that ring off of Uncle Gun’s cold, dead hand, or he has a box of minor family rings in his secret room.

1:00:01 Chay notices Yok's place is full of dead bodies. Maybe Yok will be so pissed about the blood and bodies, she won't notice the hair dye on her loveseat.

1:01:45 Porsche pimp walks through the halls and manages to have even more shirt buttons undone than Kinn. 

He sprawls himself over Kinn's sofa.

1:03:07 Awww, matching family rings.

1:05:07 Chay gets a video from Kim; it's Kim singing a romantic ballad. Chay cries. Are they back together? Were they ever together?

1:08:13 Party on a boat with the gang.

1:09:34 Kinn mixes Porsche a special fancy mixed drink called Kinn’s Heart. If it was called Porsche’s Heart it would just be DeKuyper Cheri-Beri Pucker Schnapps straight from the bottle.

1:12:31 Kinn and Porsche workshop some wedding vows.

Tankhun films them secretly and sends the video to Dad. Dad immediately posts it to the Mafia Parents facebook group.

 1:14:10 Porsche takes Chay to visit their mother. She looks annoyed when they hug her. Jokes aside, this scene really bothered me- it’s very obvious she has no idea who they are, but they invade her personal space anyway. 

THE END

1:17:38 Oh there’s also this scene, post credits. As expected of these two:

“so please forget the kidnapping, torture, and the fact that I was chasing you around with a gun and trying to kill all your friends a few days ago”

Ep 14 Part I /// TOC ///

Master list of all recaps

[kestalsblog]

My first KinnPorsche fic :') NSFW. 18+ readers only pls respect that. Contains spoilers for ep 14!

Summary:

It's Vegas' turn to be the pet. Pete is a very different kind of owner, though. 18+ (This fic takes place following Ep: 14. Please read after watching because there are spoilers).

[statementlives]

sam multitasking and half listening as the case begins but slowly becoming so invested that he loses awareness and his voice wavers when he tries to convince himself the referenced institute has nothing to do with him,, moving on is clearly not going to work for long,,,

[bookkeepersnake]

EP 14 - Pet Project

Immediate warning with case file for body horror and snake (!?)

New blend of coffee

Alice and Celia with cookies

Roses and Lilies (both prefer lilies)

Alice has Tim’s passive aggression with sharp words…

Lena and Sam

Gwen not into work yet?? Her?

John

Treatment report (xxx) limited

1995, antony walker

Reptile emporium, newcastle

Missing person

1505 - initial call

Rat

Clear scratching patches

Parasites, pests, illness and a strong odor, mosquitos

MAG45 Blood Bag

Altercation and mention of a ‘burden’

Small scratch on arm

MAG157 Rotten Core

1541 - investigation

Open food, garbage, strong smell of spoiled food, ants spotted,

1550 - continued investigation

Squirrel droppings, squirrel located

1610 - treatment

Small hole discovered and sealed

1630 - summary

Squirrel captured, lethargic

Removed–cut off

Police not arriving, operator on the phone just noise.

Snakes

“Dad, I need you to know what happened… its not your fault”

Implication that this is a voicemail left by the missing person, but read by John

Cctv footage, cameras, somethin on screen caught their eye

Client reaching for customer, dad and child with toy goose

Client pushing sale of snake

Shopkeeper bloated and swollen, something falls from mouth, does not move

Twitching and spasming as his mouth opens impossibly wide and he vomits snakes

“...Rejection letters from an institute he pinned to the wall with a kitchen knife..”

Same infection, they’re in the walls,

“...I forgot about the hole, I love you da–” END

Gwen to work, all business immediately

Sam seemes to have immediately connected this case to Magnus Institute

Theory that John read this case because it took place near camera cctv set

MAG148 Extended Surveillance

[visual-novel-techie]

Learn Live2D in 14 Days :D

In the past 14 days, I taught myself enough Cubism Live2D basics to use in my side projects (visual novels, game dev, web dev, etc.). I didn't have any prior experience with computer graphics, rendering, meshes and so on, and I didn't have much web dev experience (despite being proficient in Python). Learning from YouTube videos and following along to build my models turned out to be very effective. This post is a summary of my milestones and I'll link to the resources I used at the end of the post.

Day 1: Basic shapes

Day 2: Expressions, blinking etc.

Day 9: Complete model with fine-tuned details

Day 14: Fully interactive, lip-sync’ed model deployed as a Web App 

https://live2d-petting-zoo.herokuapp.com/ The model can respond to tapping as well as holding down and dragging cursor.

Resources

Those videos are all well-made whole series, so watch everything in their playlist.

[Official] Learning Live2D with figures

Live2D Beginners Guide: Making Facerigs/Vtuber Models - Introduction

[Live2D Tutorial] Introduction to Tools and Technical Concepts Ep.01: Download, Install, and Launch

【Live2D Cubism 4.0 and Facerig】How to Make Your Own Vtuber Live2D Model for Beginners Part 1

[Live2D Tutorial] Ep1 - Drawing for live2d : Overview

I find this 14-day learning sprint really fun and might do a Unity one some day.

[happymetalgirl]

The 15 Worst Metal Albums of 2020

This list might have been shorter if not for my running into a few awful albums at the end of the year that I had been avoiding wisely up until that point. My morbid curiosity got the best of me, and what’s done is done. I’m paying the price for it by going back over the worst albums I heard all year. Let’s get this over with.

15. Ghøstkid - Ghøstkid

This was the debut solo album from the former singer of Eskimo Callboy, who had a pretty decent backing of hype heading into this release under the Ghøstkid moniker, but with the namesake frontman putting in no more than the standard performance on a bunch of poorly assembled tracks in an unappealing and dated poppy metalcore style, ultimately the eponymous album wound up disappointing me pretty substantially.

14. Powerman 5000 - The Noble Rot

Powerman 5000 are just such a low-rate band that even one of their more okay albums makes it here. While not as astoundingly, mind-numbingly basic as their worst material, The Noble Rot is still some of the most unevolved, underwritten, and forgettable electro rock and industrial metal I’ve heard from a big name artist. This is some eighth grade level songwriting here, and that’s a fuckin’ feat for a band that’s been around longer than any eighth grader has.

13. Corey Taylor - CMFT

There was a lot of hype around Corey Taylor finally coming out with a solo project, and it was pretty damn disappointing to hear a bunch of uninteresting classic rock too tacky for Stone Sour. CMFT focuses on the fun side that has made its creator such an enigmatic figurehead in the metal press, but its one-note approach does little more than highlight Corey Taylor’s songwriting deficiencies. I really could have seen this album turning out better too, with just some more time and care put into it, if a fun time of an album is what Taylor was going for. Unfortunately Taylor tried to make a party album and a grand ceremonial tribute to his greatness at the same time, and ego-petting and partying don’t really go hand in hand.

12. Evildead - United States of Anarchy

It has some good bones underneath it, but Evildead’s long overdue (if anyone was asking for it) third album wears out its welcome so quickly with some of the most adolescent thrash I’ve heard in a while. The band gets some good rhythms going and the vocals aren’t terrible either, fitting the older thrash style pretty well. But the band’s predictable formula tires out very quickly, and the political commentary of the lyrics is too cheesy and cringeworthy to ignore. It seems every year we get a handful of these kinds of albums that try to get into the simmering thrash revival with some ultra retro approach, and a good portion of those albums are from long-defunct bands who figure their primitive old-school approach might be a selling point despite their sounds often being even more juvenile against the backdrop of today’s metal landscape. So it’s not a huge surprise or anything to hear an album as ham-fisted and corny as United States of Anarchy; this year it just happened to be Evildead.

11. Five Finger Death Punch - F8

They may not always place highest in this list, but they always manage to make it here, and this was actually an improvement on the last album, not that that’s saying all that much. In fact, I’d say this is the only time in the band’s history that they actually shifted their trajectory upwards. But while the band’s ugly continual creative decay has been a hard thing to watch and made them the five finger punching bag of the metal world, there seems to be a large enough swath of mouthbreathing chuds who love their incoherent derivative shit and flock to their shows enough to put them in lucrative headlining slots and on top of the metal world. Goddamn that sure sounds a lot like someone else we all know doesn’t it. I’ve criticized them plenty in the past, and while indeed an improvement, F8 only mildly remedies the numerous problems with Five Finger Death Punch. Still septic to the system are the predictably formulaic and tiresome songwriting, the stale production, the corny butt rock choruses, the shitty bootlicking worldview that bleeds into Ivan Moody’s douchey and faux-deep lyrics, the contrived ballads and country-dabbling. Even with an improvement in the flow of the track listing and a few more bangers that somewhat hearken back to their first album, F8 is still an over-thought and overly calculated batch of Sirius XM fodder that’s trying to please everyone in some superficial way. I’ll grant that it seems as though the band realized they had been giving the more metal-immersed side of their fanbase that has been with them the longest smaller and smaller crumbs with each new album. I’m not gonna hold my breath for this being anything more than placating for the time being; I’m sure the next album will find the band back on whatever bullshit they feel (or their execs feel) they need to be on to pull enough streams from inattentive radio metal bros. I always end with the disclaimer that I still steadfastly stand by the band’s first two albums, and even American Capitalist to a degree, and that I totally acknowledge the immense potential for greatness this band could seemingly at any time decide to fulfill. Ivan Moody is a talented vocalist with a lot of star power and they really could have been the second coming of Pantera or singlehandedly ignited a new wave of American groove metal and metalcore or carried it on their own. But instead the band have followed the money on the path of least resistance to fast-track their way to the top of festival tickets, which I’m sure affords them quite enough luxury and comfort in life, more than most bands these days get, but it doesn’t exempt them from criticism, and unfortunately I think their legacy will show that they were a lowest common denominator kind of band at the end of the day when they could have been, again, like a second Pantera or something.

10. Anvil - Legal at Last

Another year, another album of Anvil unable to evolve past their prototypic thrash of their forty-year-old origins. Though as tacky as ever, Anvil actually also managed to make a mild improvement on their last album on the musical front at least. The songs are a little more energetic and easier to get through, if not for the lyricism though. Anvil lyrics are never anything beyond a fourth-grader’s poetry assignment for their English class, but some of the Facebook boomer lyrics here are fucking cringy dude. A quick look at the track listing will let you know exactly where you’re gonna find the juiciest cringe, but honestly, even as far as cringe goes it’s nothing comedically special and cringe culture in general is played out anyway. So do yourself a favor and just ignore Anvil the way they deserve to be ignored.

9. Halestorm - Reimagined

It feels a little harsh to place an EP here, especially for a band whose album back in 2018 was one of the best things I have heard to come out of hard rock in a long time. But these stripped back covers and revisions of songs from the band’s catalog just suck all the oomph out of them, perhaps making the case by contrast for the importance of the role the rest of the band behind the indeed charismatic powerhouse frontwoman Lzzy Hale play in making their sound what it is. It’s unlikely this points to any kind of new direction for them, so I’m not particularly worried about them running into this problem again. Plus, I don’t think Halestorm and Lzzy Hale are like fundamentally incompatible with more ballad-y rock music, this forced balladization of older songs just did not work, and it makes perfect sense as to why.

8. Gama Bomb - Sea Savage

The fact that this album is only number 8 on this list is just depressing for its reminder of just how much shittier it got this year. The fact that there are seven albums from this yet worse than Sea Savage, goddamn. With one exception, this was maybe the stupidest album I heard all year, at least in the thrash department it was. God this thing is a sugar high mess. I feel like a toddler on an entire bag of Halloween candy or an elementary schooler on a 2-liter of Mountain Dew sat at a computer to program a thrash album would’ve probably come up with something like this. The erratic operatic highs and dumbass lyrics, it all just embodies everything that ever made thrash look bad. It’s like that drunk guy at a party who’s hyper as shit and doing a bunch of crazy stunts for attention because he thinks it’ll make the people there like him more, but really he’s just embarrassing himself. Yeah, definitely the worst thrash metal album I heard all year, and one I wish I could unhear.

7. Amaranthe - Manifest

One of the albums I was avoiding but reviewed late out of my own weird sense of obligation that I wasn’t surprised to find only validated my reasons for avoiding it in the first place. The weird combo of dancy pop music and power metal isn’t as crazy of an idea as it might seem at first thought. In fact, that’s basically in part what Babymetal are doing, and actually getting better and better at. But Amaranthe get the worst of both worlds with Manifest, unsavory pop melodies and utterly generic symphonic metal to make for something I’m not at all surprised I was so repulsed by.

6. Trapt - Shadow Work

Yep, I listened to it. God, no wonder this band is flailing in irrelevance with aggressive MAGA nonsense being their only audible desperate plea for attention. The album, thank fuck, isn’t steeped in the same bitch boy tantrum that the band’s singer has engaged in all year to the point of getting his band’s Facebook page banned for hate speech, and the music isn’t like offensively poorly made or anything like that either. There’s clearly a conscious meeting of the baseline requirements for the type of music they make, but holy fuck it’s so damn flavorless and predictable. It’d be one thing if this was the trendy thing to be doing, but this diet hard rock for people who think Three Days Grace is too wild has been out of fashion for over a decade. And Trapt are just recycling the same dumb formula that overstayed it’s welcome in the early 2000’s. Yeah, I’m not surprised at all, but god, it’s the kind of thing that has to be apparent to the band themselves too unless they’re lacking of any and all self-awareness. Trapt have thrown themselves to the forefront of the online metal world’s discourse by being an annoying, toxic, and childish presence all year; the silver lining being the unity among metalheads in roasting their laughable posturing about their Pandora numbers and the juicy memes about their one hit “Headstrong” that rile the snowflake singer up without fail. And this shit album is just another reason to laugh at them and more fuel to roast their crybaby Trumper frontman with. Go back into your hole, Trapt. 3/10

5. Unleash the Archers - Abyss

I talked about it in my review, but there really is only one simple thing that sinks this album so low. And that is just how incredibly low-effort and lifeless it is with a genre that’s supposed to be so life-affirming. Power metal isn’t the most highly revered genre in metal, but that’s just for its cheesiness. I love it; when it’s at its best, it’s some of the most inspiring metal music out there and I genuinely wish there was a bigger demand across the board for it. But Unleash the Archers just sound so flat and unenthusiastic in this album, and, sorry, in power metal, unabashed enthusiasm is just nonnegotiable. The guitar parts are phoned in and lacking in imagination, and the vocals especially are so narrow-range, it’s all so antithetical to the ethos of power metal and it doesn’t make a strong case for itself. I’ll leave it there; this album is lazy and lifeless so I feel no need to waste any of my time and work on it.

4. Burzum - Thûlean Mysteries

Ol’ Varg must’ve needed a new wizard hat or camouflage pants or whatever goofy shit he’s been doing since retiring the Burzum name to focus on his racism and LARPing because I thought Burzum was supposed to be finished. I thought you were done with Burzum, Varg. Apparently not too done to not dump an hour and a half of embarrassingly half-baked ambient dungeon synth song fragments that sound, so many of them, quite obviously unfinished. Varg Vikernes has been a washed-up shell of the musical god the various weirdos who idolize him make him out to be for a long time now, and it has shown in the gradually degrading work he had put out after his release from prison. Yet after clearly not caring about creating music in any meaningful way for a long time, Varg drops this heap of shit in his fans’ laps. I suppose they deserve it, but I’m sure some of them are delusional enough to lap it up with a smile on their face while still believing their white nationalist idol to be a musical genius. Again, it’s entirely dull ambient music, not metal at all, but it deserves to be shit upon for its astounding laziness and purposelessness.

3. Asking Alexandria - Like a House on Fire

Doubling down on exactly the unflattering crossover of pop music with their significantly sanitized butt rock in their apparent quest for arena glory that started with their self-titled album back in 2017, Asking Alexandria’s bid for the big spotlight that Imagine Dragons occupies didn’t get any stronger this year with Like a House on Fire. After three or four years of aiming for this style, the band still aren’t even all that competent with the basics of fucking pop rock, which is pretty downright laughable. Honestly, for an album so high up here on my shit list, my feelings on it are more or less just that of unsurprised disappointment; as soon as I got a feel for what the band were doing with the album, I knew it was going to be a mess of predictable results. And lo and behold. This was just such a wholly inexcusably floppy paper towel of an album, and one more Asking Alexandria release I know I won’t be returning to ever again.

2. Hollywood Undead - New Empire, Vol. 2

Coming on at the last minute to get on the scoreboard, reliably, is Hollywood Undead. When I reviewed both volumes of this project earlier, I referred to them as “corporate Linkin Park”, and I stand by that 100%. This album especially showcases nothing but what an incoherent, vapid, clout-chasing act they are, with such a corny, focus-grouped sound that sounds like it was made in a lab by a bunch of out-of-touch boomers. God, they could’ve been safe too if they had left it with the more tolerable first volume back in January, but this follow-up sequel from just this month was exactly why I had avoided listening to the first installment in the first place. And I should’ve never played this second one either. The album opener, “Medicate”, is probably the worst song I sat through in my own volition this year, and the rest of the album doesn’t get much better. It’s nothing new for Hollywood Undead after I gave their 2017 album my award for least favorite album of that year: more unfitting interplay between machismo posturing Eminem-cosplay and the sappiest, wimpiest radio rock and pop choruses; more cringy tough-guy struggle bars; more forgettable-at-best instrumentals. Congrats again, Hollywood Undead, you made one of the worst albums of the year once again.

But even worse than Hollywood Undead is an album that I feel like is already so legendarily bad, that there is no other album that could’ve been sat here. It had to be this one.

1. Six Feet Under - Nightmares of the Decomposed

Shitty metal bands everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief any year Six Feet Under decide to put out new music because any album they release is just about bound to end up as everyone’s #1 worst album of the year, and boy is that guarantee becoming more and more airtight with each successive release. It’s truly astounding too how Six Feet Under manages to outdo themselves every time. I don’t even want to think about what could possibly come after Nightmares of the Decomposed; we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But for now, holy fermented shit, this thing is not just bad, it’s like the holy grail of terrible TERRIBLE albums and I don’t want to know what kind of apocalyptically despicable album Chris Barnes and company could possibly conjure to outdo this one. And make no mistake, it’s still Chris Barnes dragging this band down. I gave this album a 1/10 instead of a 0/10 because there was at least a sliver of salvageable instrumentation on it, as thin of a sliver as it was, a few halfway decent musical ideas of you squinted hard enough. The instrumentalists are checked out and clearly just participating for the paycheck, but I can’t even imagine what kind of professional instrumental performance could possibly overshadow the embarrassment that Chris Barnes put to tape in the studio here. Maybe that says it, because it honestly sounds utterly unprofessional. It’s baffling how this got through management and sound engineering to be released to the public because I don’t think I’ve ever even heard any amateur high school band’s vocalist sound this bad. Vocal ingenuity is generally something to be applauded in the metal world, and pioneers like Randy Blythe, Dani Filth, and Travis Ryan deserve all the praise they get for their innovation with dirty metal vocals, yet what Chris Barnes has “invented” here on Nightmares of the Decomposed to compensate for his continually-deteriorating vocals is just sad. The man simply cannot perform highs anymore, clearly, and the alternative is this fucking comical, cartoonish squealing that sounds more like a bratty toddler gargling their own snot than it does anything fitting for a death metal record, even a death metal record at stupid and cheesy as Nightmares of the Decomposed. Chris Barnes should be thankful that metal is not a sport and that there’s not nearly as much of an abundance of performance statistics to point to and analyze to see what kind of records are broken in a legendarily awful performance. I feel like if there were any kind of performance stats to pull up, this album would have to break some kinds of records. Like this is worse than that 7-1 Germany-Brazil World Cup game, this would be like if the Brazilian team all got unholy levels of blazed and repeatedly scored on themselves because they kept going the wrong way and kicking the ball into their own net, and then pissing their fucking shorts. Even in 7-1 defeat, Brazil had more dignity than Chris Barnes here. Six Feet Under and their label have to know they are a laughing stock and that people will listen to them at this point for the sheer entertainment value of how mind-blowingly awful they sound. It’s not an illegitimate marketing tactic, and it’s the only explanation I can come up with for how this passed inspection. If that’s their mission, to be a spectacle and instill cringe in death metal fans in a regular ritual of comically stupid performances across every successive album, they’re sure doing it, and I guess this baffling headache-trophy is their well-earned prize. Congratulations Six Feet Under, you did it again! Worst metal album of the year.

[janfraiser]

End of year fic asks: 1, 14, 21, 23

1. Favorite fic I wrote this year

I’m gonna have to go with It All Happens For a Reason because it’s my pet project. It’s gonna be so huge and IDK if it’ll ever really be finished but I love it so much and I can do so much with the story... it’s fun to write :)

14. A fic I didn’t expect to write

Explosion, definitely. I would never have expected myself to write MCD, let alone kill my fav character. And yet...

21. Most memorable comment/review

I’m gonna give y’all the first one that came to my mind, from the lovely @my-glasses-are-dirty... it was on chapter one of, like, the third big fic I ever wrote (I Can’t Imagine a World with you Gone) and it still gives me so much confidence in my writing.

Dude. I had no idea what I was asking for when I told you to write this, but holy crap, this is fucking good. So. Fucking. Good.

I can read all the dialogue in the character’s voices!! I love that so much!!! And Henry just wants to protect his son and he’s worried about Gus (he totally adopted Gus a long time ago lbr)!!! And Shawn!!! Being painfully obvious with his girlfriend!!!! Wanting to protect both her ans Gus!!! LASSIE WANTING TO GO AFTER JULES!!! K A R E N !!!!!

Yeah, thanks Claire ILY

23. Fics I wanted to write but didn’t

Look, I have a whole ideas document. There are so many. But if I had to choose one... a character study of Karen through the Yin/Yang eps. Like, she was probably a rookie back when Yang first showed up but now she’s the chief of police and it’s her responsibility to find and catch this psychopath without letting anyone get hurt.... and then if we count PTM as a yin/yang ep bc of Alison, her DaUgHtEr gets taken. so yeah I still really wanna write that