#er fanfic

[laura-elizabeth-legaspi-weaver]

[almostpleasantrebel]

First 10 Line Challenge

Tagged by the wonderful @wonderofasunrise

Rule: Share the first lines of the last 10 stories you wrote

In her spare time, Margaret absolutely loved to read so it was only natural that she was disappointed when the library, which was once a tent of its own was moved to what could barely be called a closet that could only just fit herself with room to look at the sparse selection of books.

It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right - M*A*S*H, Margaret Houlihan/Samuel Flagg (M)

Margaret had been trying to take her R&R for two months, however, every time Colonel Potter had signed off on it they would be inundated with waves upon waves of wounded.

This Time Tomorrow - M*A*S*H, Margaret Houlihan & Sidney Freedman (M)

From the day she turned four to the day she turned eighteen Margaret Houlihan was enrolled in ballet classes.

At The Ballet - M*A*S*H, (M)

Margaret looked at the freshly written letter on her desk, she stared at it for a few moments before crumbling it into a ball and throwing it away.

How Hearts Mend - M*A*S*H, Margaret Houlihan/Hawkeye Pierce (M)

“Major!” Klinger yelled as he ran out of his office when he saw Margaret make her way out of the mess tent.

I’d Give Up Forever To Hold You - M*A*S*H, Margaret Houlihan/Helen Whitfield (M)

“Pregnant?” Margaret asked, her breath shaking as tears pricked her eyes.

We Are Forced To Recognize Our Inhumanity - M*A*S*H, Margaret Houlihan/Donald Penobscott (M)

Susan cursed as she dragged the Christmas tree into the apartment.

Underneath The Tree - ER, Susan Lewis/Kerry Weaver (T)

It was Carol's first Christmas in Seattle and the first Christmas that Doug and the girls were all together.

Silent Night - ER, Carol Hathaway/Doug Ross (T)

It had been days of almost non-stop casualties and everyone in the 4077 was physically and mentally exhausted, when they eventually stopped coming no one was quite ready to sleep.

Your Hand In Mine and Your Head Resting On My Shoulder - M*A*S*H, Margaret Houlihan/Trapper John McIntyre (M)

Hawkeye walked out of the officers club into the cool air of the night, a smile hung on his lips as he thought of Radar dancing with Lieutenant Nugent.

Prologue: Korea - M*A*S*H, Margaret Houlihan/Hawkeye Pierce (M)

Tagging anyone who wants to play along 🫶

[ally-holmes]

Unseen | Dr. John Carter x Reader (Ch. 5)

Series Masterlist

Chapter Four -- Chapter Six

Pairing: John Carter x Fem!Reader

Chapter summary: Reader and Carter are back in Chicago. They reunite.

Content warning: scars, angst, awful people.

Word count: 2450

Unseen | Chapter Five

The cold and humid Seattle air caressed her face almost tenderly. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes allowing the coldness to pierce her skin to the bone. She might've been overdramatic about the whole situation, but the idea of being out of the institute for good gave her a new appreciation for her surroundings.

After her painful relapse due to Carter's call, she worked hard on her mental health, committing to not leaving until she was better deep into her core. And now she was. Of course, staying there implied that she had to say her goodbyes to her friends as they left, one by one. Richie was the first one to go, promising to be in touch. Stanley left soon after him and apparently, they'd been living together since. Andrew refused to abandon the institute until she was leaving herself because his protective instincts overpowered his reason; in the end, Doctor Loomis forced Andrew's release a week before hers, and he allowed it.

A soft pull on her windbreak made her open the eyes she didn't know she'd closed. Tess Ross was looking at her with her cheeks flushed and a big smile with a tooth gap.

"Aunty, Mommy says that you have to come inside now."

The bossy child grabbed her hand and pulled before she could complain. Ross and Carol had been kind enough to provide her with a place to stay after she came out of the institute and before she decided what to do with her life. That morning, Ross had picked her up from the institute and vaguely implied that a secret party was being prepared which is why she did not make a big fuss when Carol offered her to enjoy herself in their backyard for a few minutes.

What she did not expect, however, was finding Andrew, Stanley, and Richie waiting for her next to Ross, Carol, and Kate. Luka was there as well!! Tess, with her charming smile, pushed her slightly in her lower back when she found herself stuck in place. Smiling broadly, with a terrifying feeling of happiness burning in her chest, she enjoyed her party with her friends.

"You know, Doctor Rodriguez talked the other day about needing personnel in the ER area of the hospital. You know, if you're interested," Ross said in a failed nonchalant tone in the middle of dinner. Carol rolled her eyes in front of him.

"I suppose you put a good word on my behalf?"

Ross snorted, "There was no need, kid. Your curriculum has always been spotless. Yes, you have a big gap on it at the moment, but… You know, with the circumstances…"

The poor man looked at his now wife pleading for aid.

"What do you want to do?" Carol wondered plainly.

"I– I really want to go back to the County General," she confessed staring at her food.

The silence was so gloomy that even the twins stopped their banter in the background glancing at the adults.

"Um…" Luka cleared his throat. "If you don't mind me asking, why?"

"I know it may sound silly but… It's my home. That hospital taught me. It reminds me of all the things I learned with you," she looked at Ross earnestly, "with Mark. I– I truly miss Mark Greene and feel he mentored me to be there, especially in his last months. You both know how important the ER was for him, and how much he enjoyed it. I like it and enjoy it just as much. Of course, I know that there are plenty of ERs in other hospitals, but…"

Sighing, she ran a hand over her face noticing the scarred tissue crossing her skin. "I also believe that it can be good for me. I can't avoid Chicago forever. I can't– I won't be afraid of my hometown just because a psycho played Edward Scissorhands with my body."

"I'm coming with you," Andrew stated.

"There's no need for–"

"He was going with you no matter where you went, sweetcheeks" Richie smiled at you. "You know him well enough to know that. Andrew has adopted us, deal with it."

"Does that mean that you two are coming to Chicago as well?" she asked with skepticism.

Stanley snorted, "We've already rented a place there. Andrew here has negotiated to rent the apartment next to us."

"We'll be neighbors!" Richie cheered.

"It's better to share an apartment. Cheaper."

Having the support of her friends and the companionship of Andrew was settling, to be honest. A part of her thought that having them around in Chicago sounded too much like having a bunch of babysitters, although another part of her understood that the security blanket their friendship had built around them was needed. The world was wider than the institute, ruder and hurtful.

"I guess that's settled, then," Ross smiled proudly, nudging her knee with his own under the table.

She was going home.

*

If there was one thing John Carter was not expecting when he left Chicago for Paris in a desperate move to save his marriage, it was coming back to the County General to work for free while waiting for a kidney donor. Mind you, he never thought he would end up in that position so young, but life and the circumstances… well…

As he parked his black Jeep in front of the emergency entry he felt his bile creep up his throat. Luka, who had kept in touch with him despite the call he made to the mental institution Y/N was in, had warned him about her presence in the hospital. Since that fatidic call, Luka never mentioned Y/N's name in front of John, but when Carter explained his situation and that he was coming back to Chicago, Luka had no way out.

He had no idea if she was working at the moment if Luka had warned her and she had taken some vacations, if she was going to pretend he didn't exist, if she– The possible scenarios ran through his mind as he pushed himself out of the car.

However, he promptly found out that there was another thing he was not expecting when reaching the hospital. Nobody knew him. There was no trace of his old coworkers anywhere. Doctor Morris was the only one he vaguely recognized from the board, and when people heard his name, there was this awkward silence. Of course, they remembered the gossip about Ross and Carol Hathaway. Always the gossip.

Taking another look at the board he did not find her name there and his stomach settled.

The whole business with Banfield about getting some short privileges wasn't so bad. Sure, it took some time to have her alone to fully explain and she looked stern, but in the end, it worked out. Sam was kind enough to tell John about how Y/N had warned Banfield about him probably wanting to work there to keep his skills and even recommended to her that he was a great addition to the staff. That shocked Carter. Of all the scenarios he had portrayed in his mind, that was not one of them.

That night, after having visited the Carter Center and the place where he and Kim spread Joshua's ashes, John stared into nothingness while having his dialysis. The rhythmic sound of the machine drilled his mind. He'd been walking on eggshells with everyone who asked about Kim because they weren't great. After he'd come after her to France, their sorrow got swallowed in silence. They went back to Africa, to work, to be useful. It had been his last resort to save his sanity and his marriage because both of them focused on their work so much that… Well, it sounds awful but their marriage improved as long as the time they spent with each other was shortened.

Now, alone and scared, John felt lost.

*

A week. Y/N managed to avoid Carter for a whole week before their shifts matched almost by accident. Morris had to take care of an issue that forced him to change his shift with Carter. As Y/N was filling up a form next to Frank at the admissions desk, Carter came out of the lounge. She saw his form in her peripheral vision but pretended not to notice. Her skin broke into goosebumps due to the anxiety facing John Carter provoked in her. Finishing the paperwork, she closed the history putting her pen in the chest pocket of her white coat. As she got into a fully standing position with her head up and face visible, Carter stopped in his tracks.

He had imagined the damage to her skin several times before, but he never expected that much. One thing was to picture a tragedy in his mind, and the other was to actually see it. His heart stopped for a moment, breaking into a million pieces.

Then she smiled at him, and it broke again.

It wasn't her usually friendly and loving smile. No. This smile was shy, socially acceptable, and fake.

"Long time no see. I've heard you've been a pain in the ass for this last week, Carter."

Her voice, after all this time, warmed his soul with nostalgia. She sounded artificial, though. Knowing that his body language made her uncomfortable about her scars and probably reminded her about her torture, John closed the distance as he was supposed to and acted as if there weren't scars crossing her face and neck.

"What can I say? It gets annoying to be corrected over and over as if I have no idea what I'm doing."

She snorted, "Yeah, sure. What happens is that you were the golden boy of the ER and now you're rusty. Have you been practicing medicine in Africa? Of course. However, you might agree that the resources and techniques there weren't as advanced as ours then, and while it's been kind of stuck there, here's been improving and changing."

"Still. When I know a procedure can save a life, I don't want to be looked at as if I was a med student again. Especially by people who's less experienced than me."

"Oh, Carter. This is a humbling experience for you. Embrace it."

"We have a multiple-car accident," Sam stated after answering the radio station.

"Are you still rusty, pretty boy?" She gave him her mischievous grin.

She'd been afraid of panicking in front of Carter, of not being able to do her job properly, but in the end, all those concerns proved to be misplaced. Carter and Y/N dived into their usual routine while treating a patient hand-to-hand. Aware of how useless John felt when being corrected and questioned, she did it in the most caring way. Their tandem performed fantastically, to the point of barely needing to exchange a word before doing a procedure in unison. It felt like riding a bike, something one can never forget, no matter how much you push it aside.

Their friendship, although damaged and rusty, was still strong. Even if it had been better for Y/N to just move on ignoring everything related to John Carter.

As the day went by, their personal chat was trivial and mundane focused mostly on how things had changed in the hospital and so on.

With the end of the shift quite close, she grabbed the next history from the admissions desk where Jerry and Frank were arguing again. She went to the bed the patient was in and gave her a polite smile introducing herself. The patient was a middle-aged woman with a fancy dress and fake pearls who pursed her lips the moment she saw Y/N.

"Is this some kind of joke?" the patient exclaimed while you were still assessing the symptoms listed on the history.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I want a doctor. I'm ill and I want to be seen by a proper doctor, not some Freddy Krueger victim."

"I am a real doctor, ma'am. I'm an attending."

"I won't be treated by a freak show like you."

Carter, who was seeing the scene from the admission desk, stopped Sam from intervening. He would've loved to step in and insult the lady just as she rudely was doing with Y/N, but he was well aware of how self-sufficient Y/N was. Stepping in would've only made things worse, so he waited, looking from the sidelines for a hint of anxiety or discomfort that would break Y/N.

None showed up.

"Well, ma'am. I'm the only doctor available, and if you refuse treatment from me I'm going to have to ask you to go to the waiting room until a more suitable doctor is free for you."

"That's not fair! It's my turn!"

"And you refused treatment."

"I might be dying."

"You're not. Please, go to the waiting room."

"This is outrageous. I–"

Y/N turned around ignoring her while Chunny and Haleh accompanied the patient to the waiting room again. According to the chart, the patient did not have anything life-threatening. Y/N was positive that the woman could be treated with some painkillers, so she hid the history under a bunch of paperwork at the admissions desk. She would be treated by another doctor, but after she'd waited her fair share.

John stopped her before she was able to go to her next patient.

"Are you alright?"

"Um… Yeah. I mean, it happens more often than you think," she caressed her scars absently. "Contrary to popular belief, children are the most respectful and nice ones about my scars. It makes me wonder what the fuck happens for a child to become such a middle-aged nightmare."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"I'm fine, Carter."

She didn't lie. She was, in fact, fine. However, the definition of what 'fine' meant had changed for her lowering the bar so much that it was difficult not to be fine.

When her shift was ending, she finally rescued the lady's chart from under the desk before going to the lounge to change. Carter entered a few minutes after her.

"It was nice working with you again. I… Um… I know that things are tense between us, but I was wondering if, maybe, we could grab a coffee someday. To catch up. I want to know how you've been."

John's shy and nervous voice twisted her stomach. Closing her locker, she turned to face her coworker. "I don't drink coffee anymore." She waited for Carter's expression to crumble in defeat before saying anything else. "It doesn't mix well with my meds. I'm free now. If you want."

"Yes!"

To be continued… 

[kcchameleon17]

Conditions - A Carter/Lucy fic by kcchameleon

Rating: G

Summary: Carter changes his mind about having a relationship with Lucy. But there will have to be a few conditions. “The Storm” alternate ending.

One-shot. 968 words.

Tags: Teacher-Student relationship, Romance, Canon-Divergence, Beginning of Relationship, Happy Ending.

[saltnsugarbear]

Masterlist master post!

The Bear

Bones

Bottoms

The Boys/Gen V

E.R.

Game of Thrones

Gilmore Girls

House of the Dragon

Shameless

Stranger Things

[ineffablecabbage]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: ER (TV 1994) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Carter/Lucy Knight Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight Additional Tags: Lucy Knight Lives, References to canonical violence, References to canonical drug addiction, Additional Warnings In Author's Note Summary:

Lucy lives, but recovery is brutal - for both of them.

[sapphicsandscience]

WIP Wednesday - Our Turn

WIP WEDNESDAY

I already did Our Turn so I thought I would write a bit of a Kerry/Sandy fic that is still in my drafts from a (long) while back!

Snippet:

"Maybe she hasn't been feeling great..." Sandy shook her head. "But...we thought it was just side effects of the IVF..." she said through a shaky breath. "IVF?" Abby swung her neck around. "You are doing IVF?" "Yes, she has the retrieval next week." "Hyperstimulation. We are going to need a consult," Abby voiced her theory to the group working on Kerry. She blocked them out for a moment and leaned down so her patient could hear her with all the movement that surrounded them. "Kerry, I think you have some fluid building up in your lungs and possibly your peritoneal cavity. That’s what’s causing the pain, do you understand?”

[cloudsnbones]

The Letter

this is something i wrote whilst speculating what Kerry wrote Kim at the end of s7. i think i lost her voice a little but i like it anyways. this can be applied to anyone you ship Kerry with.

I wish I could wax lyrical about you to the heavens, for any deity who would listen, but words fail me. I don’t know anything anymore, outside of you, I suppose I don’t know anything about you either, but I’d like to. You have invaded my mind with surreal happy-ever-afters, truths and futures I long to share with you despite already being able to taste my disappointment. I like to think about you however, about what food you like, about the clothes you wear, about the things that make you smile and how I wish I could do that, just once. I tell myself that if you just listened to me instead of hearing me then perhaps you would see good in me, kindness, that you could be as enamoured with me as I am with you. Or at the very least that you would like me. However, denial of my own faults is not helpful, comforting yes, but I think I may finally be strong enough to admit I’ve wronged you too, and I believe you deserve to know that I have not unearthed this strength alone, it is all in you. Everything I am, which is good, is for you.

I would promise you a thousand stars, if I knew that’s what you wanted, anything to erase your repulsion of me. Again, I find myself unwilling to concede that maybe you are right. I am so tired of being me it drains me, imagine living with my perfectionistic torment 24/7 arguing and insulting me till I break down then berating me for my weakness, yet telling me what I  need to hear the most - that I am disgusting and unworthy. You know this of course. If I think logically, something I am finding increasingly difficult these days, I understand that I could never be good enough for you and in knowing that I would be dissatisfied. So, I guess it’s a good thing that you don’t like me back.

Yet weirdly, I think that you… understand me, better than anyone else I have ever met. You deciphered my flaws and my weaknesses fast. I don’t mean to upset you with this next line, but I do think that our minds are alike, both searching for logic and trying to decipher the world around us. Our methods may be different but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. I think they could compliment each other.

I find myself longing to be around you, I want to smell you, to absorb you, to make us one and whole, to listen to your stories and for you to listen to mine. I want to make you dinner, to curl up with you on a cold winter’s night with blankets and hot cocoa and marshmallows, I want to be the one to hold you when you cry. I can do it, I can be nice and good, if you were to let me try.

Your words bite me, my heart breaks to hear your mocking and your scorn, and endless reminder that you will never and have never viewed me through the lens which I view you. Nevertheless I find, uncharacteristically, that I am not angry with you, I am wounded and emotional; true. How could I not be? I am human despite what rumour says. But I am not angry with you. I am thankful that you have allowed me to view myself as I truly am, that you have unconsciously inspired me to be a better person. Morally, since my purpose is technically for my eternal happiness, I am still in the wrong, but even if I never get to kiss you good morning and good night. I am so unbelievably glad that we’ve met.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I love you.

Take my heart whenever you want it.

[bwayfan25]

A Best Friend You Can't Get Rid Of (258066 words) by bwayfan25 Chapters: 50/50 Fandom: ER (TV 1994) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Susan Lewis/Kerry Weaver Characters: Kerry Weaver, Mildred Weaver, Annie Levin - Character, Susan Lewis, Mark Greene Additional Tags: Original Character(s), Family Drama, Sisters, Alternate Universe - Twins, okay so this is pretty much the matriarchs au but with an additional weaver woman, not that i'm rewriting the entire series again, We'll see what happens - Freeform, in other words give kerry weaver more family members or give me death, Alternate Universe of an Alternate Universe

There is a special bond between sisters. Being raised together, knowing each other at a deeper level than you know almost anyone else, the way that you can be fighting with them tooth and nail one minute and fighting for them the next. And, given the depth and strength of such bonds, it is common that, when these relationships break for whatever reason, it can be quite difficult for everything to stay the same. 

An AU inspired by the matriarchs universe where Susan Lewis isn't the only one who has a close relationship with her sister and the sister in question has the County General seeing double of their new Chief Resident.

At very long last, the A Best Friend!AU is complete. Fifty chapters of exploring sisterhood and what it would be like for Kerry to have an identical twin.

[chauvessb]


From an lmk fic “Fractured Pieces Make a Mosaic” written by @furornocturna on Ao3!! This is a seen from chapter 7 (best chapter fr fr) I love this fic so much!!✨ it gives a new viewpoint on Macaque and Sun Wukong that ppl don’t address often, so plz check it out and show some love!!!

“Fractured Pieces Make a Mosaic” - Ao3

+Bonus!!

[diezmil10000]

i'm replaying fe3h :) have some dorogrid

[laura-elizabeth-legaspi-weaver]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: ER (TV 1994) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Courtney Brown/Kerry Weaver Characters: Kerry Weaver, Courtney Brown, Henry Lopez Additional Tags: Christmas Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Bliss, Canon Compliant, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon Lesbian Character, ER Greatest of Gifts Exchange 2023, Christmas Eve Summary:

The delight of loving someone, and being loved in return.

Something that she never expected would happen to her again, yet is now very much part of her days and nights.

Written for ER Greatest of Gifts Exchange 2023

I was also gifted this adorable Kerry/Courtney fic! I’ve been so spoiled :)

[legomonkiefics]

👑🧡 Wukong and Macaque x fem reader — Cuddle HCs 💜🌙

Genres: Romance, Fluff || she/her pronouns for reader || No warnings needed

˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁⋆˚｡⋆୨👑🌙୧⋆˚｡⋆✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧. ݁₊ ⊹

- Wukong is absolutely needy when it comes to cuddles. He loves the feeling of having you wrapped up in his arms, it brings him a lot of comfort to feel your warmth

- Macaque enjoys them, but has a hard time admitting that he does. He'll act like you're convincing him into it, even if in reality he's been waiting for you to ask all day

- "Geez, fine, princess. If you really want em that badly, then come here"

- The two definitely turn it competitive and compare who gets more attention than the other. They get into little bragging matches about it and everything

- "Well I had her for over an hour!"

"So? She was with me all day yesterday"

"I was busy! I had to train the kid"

"Sure, Great Sage, whatever makes you feel better"

- They get extra clingy to try and make up the difference if they think one is getting more than the other. It's not uncommon to have then randomly plop down on either side of you, both ready to ask for attention

- Wukong likes to cuddle by wrapping his arms around you, fully feeling you against his body. He loves nuzzling into your neck or shoulder, always looking to wrap you up in his embrace as much as possible

- Macaque is more the type to let you lean on him, though he will give an arm to wrap around your waist or shoulders too. He let's his tail wrap around you the most, keeping you close to him with a firm hold on your hip

- Wukong complains a lot if you try to get up before he's ready to let go. He groans and whines if you get up too early and follows behind you when you do get up since he's still feeling clingy

- Macaque tries to use more sly tactics to keep you laying down. Just subtle teasing and flirting, he likes using his charm to woo you back into his embrace. If that doesn't work then you got a grumpy monkey following you around with a tail around your waist

- They ask for it in different ways but they both want cuddles the second you come home and always before bed. They're the same amount of clingy in the early mornings too

[teencopandthesourwolf]

If he were to be true to himself, which he generally isn't when it comes to this shit, Derek knew he was fucked the very first time he met Stiles Stilinski—no, actually, that's not entirely accurate. It was before that. He was fucked the second he smelled the kid's unique scent hitching a ride on the damp breeze that cut through Beacon Hills preserve on that fateful day, just over two years ago, when Derek stood on his family's land and tapped a claw against the plastic casing of the inhaler he'd found. The inhaler he'd sniffed out from the undergrowth in the middle of the night. The inhaler sitting inside the pocket of his dead Dad's leather jacket that he'd recovered from the ruins of his childhood home. The inhaler he'd returned the day after he played pretend with himself that it had been him who had bitten Scott McCall.

Derek has been playing pretend ever since.

But how is he supposed to pretend now, with the rogue piece of Stiles's clothing screwed up in his fist and him finally home alone in his own apartment? Worse (or better) is the fact that it's the kid's favourite beloved hoodie, the one he wears all the goddamn time which Derek can tell hasn't seen the inside of a washing machine in a while because of the way it reeks of nothing but pure, unadulterated Stiles.

Stiles's red, red hoodie.

Derek's eyes flash blue to remind him of who he is, at the same time as his fangs drop and his short nails extend into yellowed claws. Absently, he thinks of Little Red and The Big Bad Wolf when his form shifts, his resolve shattering like mirror glass as he accepts his seven years of bad luck with grace the moment he shoves his face into the fabric, now releasing that throaty groan that turns to a low growl then into a sex-hungry, shuddering snarl.

He inhales.

Deep; deeply; deeper.

And Derek is lost to Stiles, forever.

.

(from my current sterek WIP fic—let me know in the comments if you'd like to be tagged when it's up!)

[kcchameleon17]

A Second Chance - A Carter/Lucy fic by kcchameleon

Rating: G

Summary: After getting stabbed, Lucy chose to leave County. Years later, she returns to the hospital as a psych resident. Within her first day back, she finds herself experiencing deja vu in pleasant and unpleasant ways. Which ultimately lead to her ending up back in Exam Room 6 with her former teacher, the newly single Dr. Carter.

This is my first ER/Carcy fic. Please check it out if you’re interested! It’s a one-shot.

[justaz]

this got longer than i meant it to so im putting it under the cut

merlin and morgana watching arthur and gwen be The Couple in camelot. they are heartbroken, jealous, and tired- no, exhausted. they've arthur and gwen for years and fell madly and hopelessly in love with them (respectively). however, they care for the both of them and if they’re happy together then merlin and morgana will simply bite their tongue. besides, its not like their feelings are reciprocated so there’s no use in stirring up trouble.

but the pain eats away at them until they are shadows of their previous selves. merlin is quiet and demure while morgana’s lighthearted snark is growing harsher and harsher. it comes to a head when morgana makes a scathing remark to merlin about his feelings. before, her comments had been directed at others, arthur more often than not, but never toward merlin. they were in the same boat so why would morgana target him?

but she did and things get a little tense. then merlin finds a spell and shows morgana and the two of them, utterly exhausted and desperate for an end to their agony, agree to take part in the spell together. merlin concocts the potion and they both down it. the next day, merlin and morgana are as happy as can be. it was a startling 180° from the morose and downtrodden duo they had been not even twelve hours before to the happy, on cloud nine, nothing is wrong with the world people that hummed as they danced around the castle

merlin and morgana exclaim to one another how freeing it is to not feel such a heavy burden of unrequited love. they mention how easy it is to breath. how they haven’t been this happy and carefree in years. of course, like everything else, there comes a price

to be rid of feelings like love, the opposite feeling would take it’s place. a lot of people believe the opposite of love to be hate, but it is in fact indifference. it starts off slow where gwen makes inside jokes that morgana cant remember. then it moves to them having trouble remembering arthur and gwen’s names. then their memories begin to rewrite themselves to remove arthur and gwen from their minds. eventually, they roam the halls, arm in arm, without even a glance at either arthur or gwen bc they cant find it in themselves to care about these two random strangers. who would?

arthur and gwen go to gaius who has already noted their odd behaviors and has been looking into it. the rest of the knights join them in gaius’s chambers bc they had also noticed how weird they were acting. lancelot is quiet and brooding until arthur pushes him to confess what he knows.

lancelot tells them how he fell for gwen the first time he had come to camelot. she flushes and arthur seems upset but lancelot continues. he tells them all how despite, or maybe because of, his love for gwen, he let her go to be with arthur bc she was happy with him. he hesitates and gwen encourages him. lancelot mentally apologizes to his two magical friends and spills the beans. he explains how morgana has loved gwen for years and how merlin has loved arthur for years. the three of them had bonded after arthur and gwen were engaged about how much it hurt watching the person you love be happy with someone else.

slowly, he pulls out a vial filled with glittering, dark red liquid - dark like blood. he hands it to gaius and explains how they had come to him a few days ago with that and said how it would cure his pain. it would wash away his love for gwen so he wasn’t crushed under the weight of it. he says he never took it bc he didn’t think it was right but merlin and morgana had already taken it. he wasn’t sure what the side effects were going to be until he saw them that afternoon.

gaius finds what the potion is and explains how it did in fact wash away their feelings of love for arthur and gwen and with the absence of love, indifference took hold. he wasn’t sure if their missing memories could be attributed to the indifference or if the spell took to wiping the memories to prevent the love from regrowing.

arthur and gwen are quiet, guilty and upset that their closest friends were going thru such turmoil and they weren’t aware at all. leon clears his throat and asks how to cure them. gaius grimaces and read the book a bit more before responding that a counter potion would do the trick, it would neutralize the previous potion by bringing back their memories and feelings. arthur is quick to agree but gaius interrupts that once the counter potion has been administered, everything will come back at once. everything.

they question him and he explains that every memory, every word spoken, every touch, and every feeling from the past 7+ years will run through them at the same time. considering they’ve been dealing with unreciprocated love and watching the one they love be with someone else for the past couple of years, it wouldn’t be that farfetched to assume that they would look and sound like dying animals. suffice to say, it wouldn’t be pretty.

in spite of the guilt and fear in arthur, he insists that they have to bring merlin and morgana back. he doesn’t want to put them in pain but he cant just let them wipe themselves away and continue on with his life as if he didn’t just lose his best friend and sister. they spike merlin and morgana’s wine with the potion and, as gaius predicted, merlin and morgana both drop to the floor, screaming and crying in pain, pleading with anyone to make it stop and take the pain away.

gwen hides her tears in elyan’s shoulder, arthur uses his long taught skill of being an Emotionless Prick of a Prince his father taught him to not cry. the tears stay in his eyes and do not fall. a few minutes later, merlin and morgana are both catatonic on the ground, limp and staring at nothing. their breathing is slow, so slow they almost appeared dead.

lancelot and gwaine help merlin up and take him to his chambers while leon and percival do the same for morgana. no one mentions what happened and merlin and morgana stay locked in their rooms for two days before being able to get up out of bed. they aren’t back to their shadow selves from two weeks prior, nor are they the happy go lucky duo from the past few days. instead, they are slow and quiet and barely even there. they’re barely even people anymore. simply going through the motions.