#erwin smith x marie

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Enemies to Lover with Erwin maybe? During their cadet days they were always trying to one up eachother.

So imma make this a slow burn mini series with 5 chapters max, I'll also merge it with another request that fits perfectly with the narrative, hope you don't mind anon. There will also be Erwin pinning after Marie at the beginning but it will turn into x reader eventually.

Rivals with Erwin smith pt.1

{pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | pt.5}

{ Erwin x Marie, Erwin x Reader (eventually) | tw: Enemies to lovers, tw: cursing, tw: aot spoilers | fluff, teasing | canonverse }

{"Street in Tétouan" by Eduardo Flórez Ibáñez Spanish, active 1871-1889}

You need to hurry.

Repeated the voice inside your head, as you lead the last horse back to the stables to join the other training horses, Its hooves heavy and stomping in protestion, as you attempted to lead it towards the empty hay stall.

"Please just cooperate this once" you argued as you cursed the fact you've been assigned one of the most dramatic animals to grace the inside of the walls.

And just when it seemed like it was going to stop having a tug of war with you, it lunged forward making you fall back against the ground. 

With an offended huff, it strotes inside its stall with the grace of a noble inside wall sina, the complete opposite of the wild boar that possessed it a second ago.

Not wasting another second on the petty animal, you get up to dust your white cadet uniform off, picking whatever remains of hay and carrots from your jacket. Locking the stall door, you send a death glare towards the horse that looked like it couldn't care less.

Although while you had enough common sense not to beef with an animal, you did have enough brain cells to figure out who's the one responsible for getting you assigned this dramatic prince of a horse.

The Erwin " i once helped get the stable owner's cat from a tree so now he listens to my suggestions" fucking Smitth.

But oh, you're gonna show that prick today, which reminded you again of the fact it's almost sunset and you have to hurry up.

And so you ran and ran, jumping over any pointless fences that only served to make the routes to the main square of the training corps longer.

More specifically the big board in the middle of the square, the one that all cadets pretend not to see when they walk by it.

You might have also been one of them when you first joined, to be completely transparent with yourself you really didn't think you'd ever look forward to seeing that grim too white to be normal look of the papers stamped on the board.

But things change, priorities too.

And now it just happened that yours is putting arrogant always ready to please people into their place.

Which luckily only happened to fit the description of a single local in your area.

Evading all the cadets that were hurrying to finish their end of the day tasks so they could enjoy their limited free time before it's night call, you expertly move in between each group of people without decency to not block the common walk road.

And then you see it, a noticeable empty space around it where none dares to even get close to the cursed board.

Your steps hitting the gravel become heavier as you slow down, your knees would've protested too weren't it for the early morning hikes you've been doing. 

Step by step, your eyes focus as they search the vast board for that small unimportant piece of paper that gets posted here every month.

The end of the month report card, which to reduce production costs only gets a single medium sized paper.

You find the paper by the signature of your instructor, right at the bottom of the page.

A cold breeze makes itself known, swaying the back of your jacket and drying the drops of sweat on your forehead.

Your eyes slowly trail up the paper, reading the names of your classmates, your fingers curl and uncurl themselves.

Reaching the third place, you stare at Nile's name for a bit too long, your eyeballs don't dare move an inch.

Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you decide to rip the bandage off and not prolong this anymore.

Second place, in clear yet hurried written letters it reads.

Erwin Smith.

Your eyes shot to first place, landing on your own name.

…

You did it.

You actually did it, all the hard work, all the bruises from facing people twice your size in one on one training and all the late night studies paid off.

Oh thank fuck.

Glancing back to Erwin's name, you think the second place suits him way more than the first.

That's where he belongs, below you.

"A half point higher." The ever so familiar voice comes from behind, barely a whisper.

Masking your urge to jump from that scare, you sharply turn behind to make it clear that his creepy sneaking behind people strategy won't work on you. 

Your eyes meet his steel blue ones, you shrug. "Yeah and?"

Let's see which one of you out-creeps the other, because you're not backing off despite being able to smell the still fresh soap scent from him, probably had a shower not long ago.

…Did he run here from the cadet chambers? Man that's pathetic.

Erwin stares back, his natural cold expression slipping between the charming facade for a second before a big fake smile replaces it.

"And it's still progress, considering your past rankings." He says, reminding you of just how punch appealing his face looks. "You must have been working hard, so i thought you'd enjoy the first spot, for this month at least."

Is he trying to imply what you think he's trying to imply?

Oh no. Oh no no no, he doesn't get to fucking imply that he gave you that spot willingly, not when you managed to flip him on his back twice in the last physical training class.

"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night Smith." Two can play this game, "but remember not to cry publicly next month when it's still my name above yours."

He didn't even try to hide his snort. "You really think so?"

"Oh I really really think so."

"Hmm…well that's the spirit soldier" he adds just when you thought his smile couldn't get any more fake.

In your attempt at one upping each other, both of you failed to notice the approaching footsteps.

"You think the corps square is a hangout spot now do you?" The booming voice of the current survey corps commander, Keith Shadis is loud enough to grab the attention of anyone passing by.

Which just happened to be none, with the sun setting on the horizon and the cold wind beginning to welcome the night, you realised just how empty this place got in comparison to when you arrived.

Both of you and Erwin look at each other, look back at the commander and then nonchalantly step away from each other before doing the salute.

With the rare occurrence when the survey commander happened to be visiting the training corps, you began to understand to never try and test his patience. 

Plus He already looks annoyed, better not irritate him further. 

"Our sincere apologies sir, it won't happen again" Erwin, suck up to commanders, Smith is the first to speak.

"This isn't the place to have your stupid young dates, god none of you would have hope to survive outside the walls." You listen to him finish his speech before it hits you.

"It's not a date." Both you and Erwin say at the same time with voices laced with disgust.

"Do NOT interrupt me" and you've already broken your own rule to not irritate him further, " both of you out of my face right now before i-"

"Sir yes Sir." Not letting him finish his speech, both of you just bow before hurrying off towards the closest corner turn to avoid getting into more trouble. 

You made sure to step on Erwin's foot and play it off as an accident, he winced and gripped your arm tightly in return.

"You're acting like a child, stop it." He tugged you along just to make sure the commander wasn't following behind.

Pulling your arm back, you replied " maybe if you didn't interrupt him back there, he wouldn't have been as quick to yell at us."

Quirking his eyebrow at you and your hypocrisy, he decided to just not indulge this argument anymore.

Coming to think of it, why would the commander assume it's a date? You took a good look at Erwin, which is when you actually realised he was…more neat and groomed than he usually is.

"Huh, you're all dressed up." You eyed his carefully styled hair, his neat trousers and ironed shirt. "Were you…actually going on a date? God so you are the one at fault for him yelling at us back there."

From the way he looked at you for a second before turning his face away without saying anything, you knew you hit the spot.

"So you actually had a date and yet you ran here, god that's actually…" your smug smile and amused eyes finished the sentence before you did.

Pathetic.

At least now you're 100% sure he was just as worried about you outranking him this month and didn't just give it to you like he bluffed.

"Shush it." Was all he said, eyebrows knitted with a glare to his eyes. " I wasted enough time here, I should go" 

He looked genuinely surprised at the fact he lost track of time for something so important to him.

"I see," you said with the same smug impression, "Well i don't think Marie would settle for someone who's always late but what do i know."

And that was all it took for his cheeks to flush, he opened his mouth to reply but closed it right after before stomping off.

Getting to see the collected and gentleman Erwin Smith, all frustrated and easy to read like an open book, almost gave you a higher thrill than ranking above him.

Almost, you had a victory to celebrate with your friends.

[wall-maria-fritz]

I’m on an Erwin x Marie train today!

I love these two so much grrrrr

Lemme just get the art itch out of my system and I PROMISE I’ll start working on The Wingman chapter 7

(who knows? maybe you’ll see this scene in it 😉)

The Wingman Art Masterlist

Maria's Art Masterlist

[m-jelly]

can I request Erwin ad y/n reincarnation au. Like in Erwin's past life that takes place in Aot canon world he had a wife y/n and she was a captain in scouts too. Erwin in canon did die but y/n lived till the end ,single and with her daughter who was like the exact copy of Erwin . She found she was pregnant after his death and Erwin had written many letters for y/n with the thought that he might die one day and y/n can have something to comfort her. He had purposefully gotten y/n pregnant before that mission so that if he died y/n would have some reason to live ( it wasn't non consensual , Erwin and y/n were trying to have a child ) . So y/n lived for her daughter while serving for the scouts

Now in present timeline Erwin is a successful businessman and y/n is an attorney and owner of a law firm. Erwin meets y/n for some business purpose and when they see each other for the first time all the memories of their previous life just come back to them in a flash and they break down in each other's arms where y/n tells how hard it was to raise their daughter without him and how she was the only reason she lived. They both get married and have a twins , a girl and a boy who look just like Erwin

A family again

Erwin x fem!reader

Mentions of reincarnation, past lives, modern AU, fluff, romance, marriage, fluff, becoming parents, pregnancy.

Erwin sets up a business meeting where he arranges a meeting with your law firm. As soon as you meet, the memories flood back and the two of you restart the life you had dreamed of.

@ladycheesington @levisbrat25 @nyxiieluna @li-anne @galactict3a @youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity @nbinairyn @bts-spnlvr12 @mari-zs

Your feet were killing you in your heels, but you wanted to make a good impression with Mr Smith. It'd been a while since you wore heels, but they looked good so you wanted to try your best. You even more a nice dress as well. Normally, at the office, you had comfy things on your feet and body.

So, you sat on a chair outside the meeting room and winced at the pain in your feet. "Damn it."

"Heels bothering you?"

You kept your head down as your cheeks burned. You watched as someone with thick thighs knelt before you in a wonderful suit. "Y-Yes."

"May I?"

You presented your foot. "S-Sure."

He slipped your heel off and looked. "Mm, looks like they rubbed your foot."

You sighed and looked up at him. "The one time I wear them to impress."

He chuckled and looked up into your eyes. "You..." His beautiful blue eyes widened. He softly said your name. "Is it you?"

You felt a rush of emotions as memories stung and soothed you. Tears filled your eyes. "Erwin...I...I you..."

He smiled. "Me."

You cupped his face. "You're alive."

He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. "I am."

You sniffed. "You have both arms."

He chuckled. "Indeed I do." He released a long sigh. "You are so beautiful."

Your cheeks burned at his praise. "You're handsome."

He held your thighs as his eyes filled with love. "I'm so sorry I died before we could have our life as a family."

You smiled sadly. "Well, you made up for it."

"My letters?"

You nodded and hummed. "And our daughter."

His eyes widened. "A daughter?" He smiled. "We had a daughter?"

"She was just like you." You laughed. "So ambitious and she helped out so much. She changed so many lives. You would have been proud of her."

He squeezed your thighs. "You're incredible."

"I'm not." You let the tears roll down your cheeks. "I was so weak without you. I wanted to...I struggled. However, our daughter was the only reason I kept going. I didn't want to leave her alone. I stayed strong for her, but I am ashamed of some of the thoughts I had." You sniffed. "What a terrible mother I was."

He hushed you. "I bet you were perfect. I just know our daughter loved you and felt your love as well."

You smiled sadly. "I gave her everything and I spoiled her too." You giggled with Erwin. "I couldn't help myself, she was so cute and beautiful."

"That's wonderful." He lowered his head. "I'm sorry I left you both. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. I failed you and I felt that strongly when I died. You were all I thought about."

You wrapped your arms around Erwin's neck and held him. "That must have been awful."

He gripped you tightly. "I love you."

You clung to him. "I love you too."

He pulled back a bit. "I know this is a new life, but I don't want to waste any time. Let's start our life and family again."

You blushed. "Erwin?"

"Marry me."

You nodded with a bright smile. "Yes!"

Erwin smiled sweetly at his twins. Both of them were lying against his chest and sleeping away as they were soothed by his warmth and beating heart. Seeing two precious lives made from him and you made his heart flutter with joy.

The wedding came around fast and Erwin made sure he had you as soon as possible. The home you got was just out of the city surrounded by nature with plenty of rooms for children. It was your forever home and the two of you filled it with love.

You always thought you would have a daughter again, but instead, you got a surprise. Your twins were perfect. Evan and Daisy were the sweetest little angels who looked just like their father and full of curiosity. Erwin was truly incredible, full of life and love.

The two of you were always running around after each other giggling away. You didn't hold back on the love and romance like you did in your first life. You both wanted to give the other everything possible. You stole many moments together and went on plenty of romantic holidays. The two of you worked less as well.

You sat on the sofa next to your husband and smiled sweetly. "You three having fun?"

He chuckled. "Nap time."

You snuggled up to Erwin. "You're a wonderful father to them."

"I'm glad I can be here for them this time."

You played with Erwin's hair. "I've told you, Erwin. It hurt not having you, but you left behind the most precious thing for me. You were always with me because I had Daisy with me. She was the part of you that you left for me. She was all your love."

Erwin welled up and looked down at his babies. "Now we have her and Evan."

You caressed Erwin's cheek. "All my love."

He leaned over and kissed you. "Together forever, my love."

You hummed a laugh. "Yes."

He blushed a bit. "I was wondering."

You giggled. "I love you so much. Yes, I think more babies would be perfect, but let's wait for these two to grow up a little more, hmm?"

He smiled. "Sounds wonderful." He kissed you again. "I love you so much."

"Shall I help you put the babies to bed so we can do some loving?"

Erwin handed you Evan. "Please."

[crazychaoticizzy]

Good Grief Part II

Erwin Smith X Reader

Sometimes, the things that seem good for us cause us the most grief, and that is why we should always think through our decisions.

WARNINGS: canonverse, angst, insecurity, death, smut, breeding, creampie, fingering, pregnancy, gaslighting, MINORS DNI

Word Count: 10.5k

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<< previous part

It was after you opened the front door, cheeks wet and eyes bloodshot, that Erwin realized this isn’t the life he was meant for.

You cleared your throat, wiping your cheeks as you leaned against the doorframe. You held the door against you, treating Erwin like a stranger that had come to your house.

Marie was with Benjamin in the living room, sitting on the floor and softly tickling his stomach. She had managed to visit after you wrote to her, which was more than Erwin had done for his own son.

“Hi, my love.” You had to force it out, and God that hurt so bad because even after everything you still loved him. You still missed the touch of his hand and the feel of his skin against yours and the sound of his voice.

Erwin opens his mouth to speak, apologize, beg for forgiveness, something, but his words fall flat and he’s left looking like an idiot in front of his own house. You stand in awkward silence, your fingers tapping against the door.

Your head turns at the sound of crying, and you see Marie pick Benjamin up, softly cooing at him. She stands, rocking the baby and quietly shushing him.

“Is that . . .” Erwin doesn’t get to finish his sentence because you’ve already left the doorway, reaching out for Benjamin and cradling him in your arms.

Erwin takes a slow step into his house, not knowing what to do with himself. Marie stands to the side, lost in thought and biting her nails. She turns her head when she hears Erwin’s footsteps, and her nose crinkles at the sight of him.

She looks away before Erwin can think anything of it.

You sit in a chair, quietly talking in an attempt to calm Benjamin. You softly stroke his cheek with your thumb and hold him close to you, thinking about why he might be upset before his cries slowly come to a stop.

He just wanted your attention.

That seems to be a common thread in this small family.

You glance over at Erwin as you hold your son against your chest, not knowing how to feel as he watches you. Benjamin tugs on your hair, and you turn your head to get it out of his hand before he puts it in his mouth.

Erwin comes up behind you, quietly and cautiously. He puts a hand on your shoulder, and you might be mad at him—so incredibly pissed at the audacity of your husband—but God you would be lying if you said his touch didn’t still make you swoon.

You try your best to ignore Erwin’s touch, anything to show that his actions have consequences and he can’t expect you to just forgive him so easily. Except no matter how hard you try you can’t help but lean into his burning touch. Because it had been so long since you had this skin to skin contact, and it felt so good.

You glance up at Marie, discreetly telling her with your eyes that she should leave for a bit. You wordlessly bicker, but finally she rolls her eyes and leaves, announcing her plans to go to the market.

Erwin waits until the front door closes before he sits in the chair beside yours. His arm rests against the table, his hand closed in a fist as he rubs the pads of his forefinger and thumb together.

He watched you interact with his son. He takes note of the small smile you give when he laughs, tired eyes crinkling at the corners. You reach for a handmade doll on the table, showing it to Benjamin before he takes it from your grasp and begins gnawing at its head. You lay him on the table, fingers gently running across his stomach to draw giggles from him.

“What’s his name?” Erwin asks, which was such a stupid thing to do because you turn your attention away from Benjamin and look at Erwin with a faded smile. He can see it in your eyes, every time you lose just a little bit of faith in him. Even when he can’t physically see you, he always closes his eyes to see your look of defeat every time he writes a letter telling you he won’t be coming home for longer than expected.

“I told you in the letters.” Letters that Erwin doesn’t read. Every time he gets a new one he smiles and sets it on his bed as a reminder to read it later. But he never does, because some pathetic excuse makes itself present.

He realizes now that he really should read your letters.

“Right.” He nods, running his hand over the lower half of his face in an attempt to look like he’s thinking.

Your eyes move away from him, going back to your baby’s wandering gaze as he looks up at the ceiling.

“It’s Benjamin,” you softly say. “I hope you like it.”

Erwin stares at your face. He thinks the soft smile that paints itself on your lips is beautiful, but it’s not directed at him. That breaks his heart just a little bit because barely even a year ago the brightest smile he had ever seen came from you when you got married.

And now, he isn’t even part of the reason your smile seems so radiant and proud.

Benjamin yawns, his eyes drooping as he continues gnawing on the head of his doll. You glance out the window as the sound of a church bell fills the air, counting how many times it rings before the last sounds dissipate from the air.

You stand, carefully picking Benjamin up as you push in your chair. “It’s about time for him to nap,” you simply said, glancing up at Erwin. “Do you want to . . ?”

You leave the question floating in the air, unfinished. You aren’t even sure if you should have asked, but you’re glad that you did when Erwin hesitantly nods.

Your lips slightly curl, not enough for Erwin to notice, but enough for you to think you might still be in love with him.

You hold Benjamin close to you, resting his head against your chest and lightly tapping his bottom to the beat of your heart. You learned rather quickly that made him go out like a light whenever he was tired, and soon enough you were taking careful steps to your bedroom where his crib waited.

Erwin followed, quietly marveling at the way you gingerly lay Benjamin in the crib, your touch lingering on his face as you smooth down his eyebrow before pulling away.

Hardly even four months old and your son already has eyebrows that resemble his father’s.

You feel Erwin’s eyes boring into you, and you turn your head. He stands hesitantly in the doorway, tapping his fingers against the frame. You beckon him to come closer, and he does. He takes silent steps across the wooden floor and stands beside you, looking down at his sleeping son for the first time.

A pang goes through his heart, because God how could he ever let you deal with this on your own. Sure, Anastasia and Marie had come to help, but that should have been him. It should have been his hand you squeezed instead of Anastasia’s as you gave birth, and it should have been him that you spent your days with instead of alone or with Marie.

But no. So far the only thing he had provided for you was tears, and he realizes then that he must have been the reason you were crying when you opened the door for him.

You allow your gaze to rest on him as he gazes down at your baby. Your eyes trail along his silhouette, following the outline of his nose and lips. He’s still tall and handsome as ever, and you hope that’s something about him that will never change.

“Why did you knock?” you whisper. Erwin tears his gaze away from Benjamin. Standing this close to him, you can see the specks of brown that circle his pupils in both eyes.

Erwin swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing as he speaks. “I wasn’t sure that I was welcome.”

It’s silent after he says that. You take his hand, running your thumb across his knuckles. “This is your house, too. You’re always welcome. No matter what.”

Erwin squeezes your hand and that’s when you notice the roughness of his fingertips. You notice his jaw is clenched when he isn’t speaking and the way he runs a hand through his neat hair in visible distress.

He lets out a shaky exhale. “I’m so sorry. I promised I would be there.”

“You should have been. But you’re here now.” It’s silent for a moment, and you decide you should probably step out of the room before you accidentally wake Benjamin.

You close the door behind you, leaving it open a bit to let air travel through the room but also to hear if Benjamin wakes up.

“Please try to make an effort,” you say once the two of you had started walking down the hall. “I know that being a scout is demanding and obviously you have more important things to worry about, but you have a son now. You need to be in his life at least a little bit.”

You resumed your former seat at the table, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair as Erwin sat beside you. “If Anastasia can manage to visit me every now and then I’m sure you can, too.”

Erwin nods, and a silent agreement is made. You two sit in silence before you stand up and grab a bunch of fabric and needles, beginning to work on them at the table. He watches you work, takes note of the way you hardly even wince when you accidentally stab yourself, and he wonders how he could ever leave you again.

—

When Erwin holds Benjamin for the first time, he thinks that maybe he was never meant to be a dad.

Because Benjamin starts squirming and crying and pushing his father away, and Erwin is scared he’ll drop him before you take him in your arms.

“He’s like that with everyone. He just- He needs to get used to you,” you say, choosing your last words carefully. Except it didn’t really matter what you said, because he could still feel his heart crack.

He watches you rub Benjamin’s arm, muttering nonsense to him as you smile. You stand so close to Erwin that he can feel the heat of your skin through his clothes, and he can’t help but tentatively put a hand around your waist to pull you even closer.

And, by some miracle from god, you let him. As foolish as it might be, you lean into his touch and give him a soft smile, turning your body so Benjamin is closer to his father.

You might be frustrated with your husband, but that doesn’t mean your child should be unfamiliar with his own flesh and blood.

You softly take Erwin’s hand, lifting it so it enters Benjamin’s field of vision. He takes it, squeezing Erwin’s pointer finger in his small hand.

“That’s your daddy,” you say, and you think that Erwin must think you’re crazy for talking to someone that can’t even understand you yet. You laugh when Benjamin puts Erwin’s finger in his mouth, gnawing at it like he does with everything else.

Erwin’s heart swells, because Benjamin looks up and leans back, his head falling on Erwin’s chest. Erwin swears he’s never felt anything like he did when he looked down, seeing Benjamin’s big eyes looking up at him.

“Daddy’s been gone for a while, but he’ll be here more often,” you say, smiling. “He’ll have to leave a lot, but he’ll always be back, I promise. And you’ll love him.” You pause, leaning forward to leave a soft kiss on Benjamin’s forehead. “Just like I do.”

Because you do. Anything he does will end up being forgiven because you love him that much.

Marie came back hours later It was right before the sun had started to set, and you and Erwin were sitting close together on the couch. Erwin was smiling down at Benjamin, and you were staring at Erwin. You had a small smile on your face, and Marie remembers thinking that you forgave him too easily.

Later that night, when Benjamin had been put to bed and it was about time you go to sleep as well, you’re hesitant to change in front of Erwin. There are stretch marks on your stomach and breasts that you wish you didn’t have, and you don’t want your husband to see you as any less because of them.

So you change facing away from him, but once your blouse is off he slips his hands around your waist and kisses the top of your head. He presses his face into your hair, taking a deep breath.

“I am so sorry,” he whispers. “So, so sorry that I ever left you alone. I promised I would put you first, and I didn’t.”

You froze, because you hadn’t expected him to be so close. You hold your blouse to your chest, hoping the action is subtle enough to hide yourself.

“Thank you for giving me another chance,” Erwin continues. He slowly turns you around, making you tilt your head up to make eye contact with him. He takes your hands in his, bringing them to his lips and softly kissing your knuckles. “I’ll be better this time. I swear it.”

“You said that last time.”

“I know. But I mean it this time. I’ll take the breaks I’m given and spend time with you and Benjamin.”

You sigh, slipping your hands out of his. Your head hurts, and you lift a hand to press against your forehead in an attempt to relieve the pain.

But Erwin’s fingers ghost over your waist and you know you fucked up because now he saw the stretch marks and there’s no covering or hiding them and God he’s not going to think you’re pretty anymore and-

“What are these?” he asks, his eyes traveling up to meet yours. “Are you hurt?”

You shake your head, taking a deep breath to clear your thoughts as you toss your blouse in a pile of dirty clothes. “No. It’s, uhm, it’s from being pregnant. They’re just stretch marks, it’s nothing.”

Sometimes Erwin knows exactly what you’re thinking. Sometimes he’ll be able to pinpoint exactly how you’re feeling and why, and you can never figure out why he doesn’t use that ability all the time.

This was one of those times, because he leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to your temple and said, “You’re gorgeous, darling.”

And that just made you feel like you could rule the world.

—

Erwin held up on his promise. He came home when he was supposed to and stayed for as long as possible before leaving again. You had started to become the perfect family you wanted to be, finally having the husband you had married and the unexpected life you had come to love.

You had watched your son grow together, a few years passing before he was already looking up to his father. Benjamin decided at a young age that he was going to join the military, hoping to join the same branch as Erwin and to one day serve under him.

There were times, of course, that Erwin brought his work home and worked tirelessly at the dining table. He would wave you off when you talked to him while he was working, but he always made sure to pay attention when Benjamin wanted to show or tell him something.

Sure, he might not have been the husband you were originally hoping for, but he was the best father you could have asked him to be and you were grateful for that. He was patient and kind and understanding, and when Benjamin brought up his dreams to Erwin one night at dinner, Erwin looked up from his papers. He stared at Benjamin for a moment before he cracked a smile.

He had stacked his papers, putting them to the side and directing all his attention to Benjamin. You had smiled, but some sinking feeling in your heart made you hesitant to agree when Erwin said he’d teach Benjamin how to become a Scout. But you didn’t want to be that person. You wanted your son to know that you would always support him, no matter how old he was.

But maybe wanting to join the Scout Regiment at the young age of five wasn’t the brightest idea.

“He’ll be fine, darling. It’s probably just a phase he’ll grow out of in a couple weeks, if even that long.”

You sighed, closing your eyes and leaning against him as he massaged your shoulders. You’d been stressing over this so much you hadn’t even allowed yourself time to change into more comfortable clothes. “But he’s five. I’m scared that if we feed into this he won’t grow out of it and then it’ll all spiral into this big thing.”

Erwin softly laughs, kissing the back of your head. “You just said he’s five. Plenty of five-year-olds go through a million phases of what they want to be when they grow up.”

“Most parents shrug it off, though. You’re actually going to be involved in trying to help him achieve this goal.”

Erwin’s hands travel down your arms, grabbing your hand and spinning you around. He softly kisses your lips. “I won’t teach him anything actually useful. It’ll be more like playful roughhousing.”

You let out a breath. Something was telling you this was a bad idea, but you weren’t sure if it was a genuine gut feeling or just the anxiety of a mother. But you do give in, because you trust your husband to keep your son safe and keep him in line.

“Alright.” Erwin kisses you again, slow and carefully like he used to. You hum when you feel his hands on your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, and you softly gasp when he lifts you up effortlessly.

You say his name, but it barely comes out as a breath. He sits on the bed, placing you in his lap so you straddle him. Your skirt had bunched up around your hips, and you softly gasped when you felt that he was hard.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he began kissing your neck, starting at the empty space behind your ear and slowly moving down to the hollow of your throat. His hands traced along your torso, slowly undoing the laces holding your dress together.

The room heats up as you begin peeling each other’s clothes off. Your breaths are hot as you exchange steamy kisses, quietly moaning against each other.

“What about Benjamin?” you ask, now lying bare beneath him. You undo the last button on his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and tossing it to the side. You smile as he kisses you, running your hands across his shoulders and along the hard planes of his chest.

“He was rather adamant about sleeping on his own tonight,” Erwin says against your collarbone. “I think we can do something before he realizes he can’t do it.”

You softly laugh, humming as he kisses your lips again. He moves your hands so they’re above your head, holding them down by your wrists as his other ghosts along your side. The touch makes you shudder in anticipation, every single nerve ending in your body catching fire and giving you goosebumps.

You gasp when you feel his middle finger slide up your slit, teasing you by dragging it along painfully slow. Erwin was always so attentive, always such a fast learner that stored information for later use.

You’re thankful for that, because the way his thumb draws circles on your clit as he pushes a finger inside makes you hope you’ll actually have an orgasm this time.

Your breath hitches as he slowly thrusts his finger inside, bent and gliding along your walls. You press your lips together, muffling a moan when you feel his ring finger poke at your entrance before entering as well. You can feel the wedding band on his finger, the coldness of it a stark contrast to everything else. It makes you keen his name just a bit too loud, and Erwin stops all movement to listen.

After a moment where nothing happens, he shushes you. “We can’t have Benjamin walking in, can we?”

You shake your head, looking up at him with pleading eyes. His fingers curl inside you again and he chuckles at the soft gasp that leaves your lips.

"We have to be quiet, my love,” he whispers against your lips. “I don’t want you making any loud sounds.”

You let out a breath as he removes his fingers, and you watch as he lifts his hand to his mouth and drags his tongue across his fingers. You feel hot under his piercing gaze, feeling so needy and weak. He cracks a smile as you squirm under him, hoping to alleviate some of the tension you’re feeling.

He lets go of your wrist to straighten himself out. You watch as he unbuckles his belt, slipping it out of the loops and his hand. The buckle clangs against the floor, making both you and Erwin freeze and listen.

“What happened to being quiet?” you tease, a smile playing on your lips.

The tips of his ears turn red as he unbuttons his pants and takes them off. He lets them fall on the floor with the rest of your discarded clothes before he’s on top of you again, pressing his lips to yours in a slow sensual kiss that leaves you lightheaded.

“What do you want, darling?” he mumbles between kisses. His hands had gone back between your legs, the tips of his fingers giving slow strokes to your pussy that made it hard to focus.

“I-I want you inside me,” you say, softly gasping when he removes his fingers and pokes his tip at your entrance. “Please.”

“How could I say no to my pretty wife?” he muses, pushing in just the tip. That alone was enough to have you softly moaning, and Erwin kisses you again to muffle your noises.

He continued to gradually push in, stopping when his hips were flush against yours to let you adjust. When you finally nod, practically begging him to move he slowly pulls back before pushing inside again.

It makes you shudder, your hair standing on end as he slowly thrusts into you. You long for more—you want him to fill you completely and make you feel the same way you did your first night together.

And maybe, you want the product again.

“Erwin, I want another baby.” It barely comes out as a whisper, but your words make your husband’s thrusts falter.

“You want another one?” His breath is hot against your neck as you nod, your fingers entwining with his. He plants openmouthed kisses against you, and the way he suddenly hits against that one spot inside leaves you breathless.

You moan just a bit too loud, biting down on your lip to silence yourself. Erwin lets out an amused breath, but he finds himself holding back a groan as he comes closer and closer to the edge.

“I’ll give you that baby if you’re quiet,” he says. It barely registers because this just feels so different than the first time and you aren’t sure how to string together a proper sentence. You simply nod, closing your eyes as the bedframe silently creaks with every movement.

“The bed,” you softly remind, your breath catching.

“I know, I know. We’re almost there, love. Almost . . .”

He groans against you, and you would remind him that you needed to stay quiet if your head weren’t in the clouds.

He comes first, his warm cum filling you so much it starts to drip out. He keeps going, though, determined to get his wife to finish around his cock no matter how long it takes.

And it doesn’t take long, because Erwin brings his hand down to where you’re connected and starts rubbing slow, languid circles on your clit.

You gasp, going silent as you clench around him. Erwin slows his thrusts, riding out your high with you until you’re nothing more than a puddle beneath him. Your chest rises and falls with every breath your take, your nipples brushing against his as you gather yourselves.

“Think we can go again?” he quietly jokes, making you chuckle.

Erwin slips out of you, pushing himself off the bed and grabbing you a comfortable nightdress to change into while he grabs a towel to clean you up and a glass of water.

You don’t move for a moment after he leaves, a soft smile on your face as you replay the scene in your head, thinking that maybe you can be the loving family you wanted.

—

You listen to Benjamin’s story intently, laughing when he tells you about his new friend Alexander and something he did. He hasn’t been able to stop talking about him, his eyes wide and excited whenever he so much as mentions Alexander.

The day is warm, the bright sun beating down on everyone outside. You keep the front door open to let fresh air pass through your house, so you notice when Erwin walks in. He takes slow, heavy steps, closing the door behind him and sitting at the dining table.

Benjamin immediately jumps up next to him, greeting Erwin with a smile and sparkling eyes. Erwin smiles back, ruffling Benjamin’s hair. You can tell the smile is forced, though. He doesn’t want to be bothered and you don’t want him to be more overwhelmed than he is, so you step closer and softly place your hand on Benjamin’s back.

“Why don’t you go out, sweetheart?” you say kindly. “ Try and make new friends, yeah?”

Benjamin nods, seemingly excited by the idea and already on his way to the door. He leaves it open behind him, knocking it into the wall with a quick “Sorry!” before he runs off. You shake your head and roll your eyes, deciding to leave it open while you begin brewing tea for Erwin.

He’s silent, his gaze fixated on the hole in the table. You turn to glance at him as you boil the water, the silence so unbearable you have to talk.

“Benjamin made a new friend.” The kettle whistles, so you pour its contents into a tea cup and put a tea bag in it, waiting for it to steep. “It’s the neighbor’s kid—Alexander I think his name is? He introduced me yesterday before he ran off with him. He seems nice, I’m glad Benjamin finally found-”

“Anastasia’s dead.”

You pause, the words you were saying dying on your tongue as you processed Erwin’s words. Your hands fell to the counter, trying to find something to ground yourself.

“What?” Your voice was quiet, small, barely anything more than a squeak.

“She- A titan got her while we were out and-” Erwin paused, clearing his throat. If he said anything else after that you weren’t listening, your mind clouding with images of Anastasia trying her best to escape the titan’s hold. You imagined her kicking and screaming and-

Tears rolled down your cheeks and you choked out a sob. You bent over the counter, gripping your hair from the roots and pulling. Your breath escaped you, and you found it increasingly difficult to gather yourself.

You crumpled to the floor, leaning against the counter. Your tears were so hot, practically burning your cheeks as they fell. Your clothes suddenly felt too tight and you were suffocating. You gave yourself a headache with how hard you pulled on your hair, trying to give yourself something else to cry about but only adding more pain.

So hot and uncomfortable and your heart hurts and you just want everything to stop. Stop stop stop.

You’re not sure how long you were there, just you and Erwin in the dining room mourning. It wasn’t until you heard Benjamin giggling outside the door with his friend that you gathered yourself. You choked on deep breaths as you stood, facing the wall and wiping your eyes.

You slowly exhaled just as Benjamin walked through the door. He spoke loudly with Alexander, speaking nonsense you couldn’t understand until you took another deep breath and listened.

“No, I’m going to join the Scouts and become the best Scout like Dad and then everyone will love me!” Benjamin threw his hands up, causing Alexander to throw his hands up as well. They both cheered loudly as you closed your eyes, trying to stop the flow of more tears.

Something in the air shifted. Your eyes met Erwin’s and a silent agreement was made.

No child of yours was joining the military. You didn’t care how much they hated you, you would not risk the loss of anyone you love.

—

Anastasia’s death is what led to the second rut of your marriage, and something told you this one would be harder to get out of.

Erwin was hardly ever home, and even when he was he was working. He had made the spare room into an office, spending every hour he could looking over maps and writing in journals and doing god knows what.

You couldn’t get his attention. No matter what you did you never got more than a half-assed, “I’m busy,” or “Tell me later.”

You cried and cried and cried, and it got to the point where you weren’t sure if you were mourning the loss of your friend or because you were so painfully lonely.

You and Benjamin slept in the same bed, and every night you held him close in hopes of feeling just a little less lonely. He would stay there even when Erwin was home and the three of you shared a bed.

It was only a downward spiral, a cycle of tears and pain. You had confirmed you were pregnant again once you started showing, and your anxiety steadily grew as the months came and went. You weren’t sure if Erwin would be there when this baby was born, so you did everything in your power to make sure you, at least, would be ready.

You might not have been entirely on your own, but Benjamin was five. You don’t think a five-year-old is the best way to cope.

You would talk to Marie, but at some point she had gone off and eloped with Nile, practically leaving you in the dust. You had no idea where she was or what she was doing.

And God, you would rather be eaten by a titan a hundred times over before you ever even considered contacting your parents. You had barely thought about them since you ran off in the middle of the night. Besides, they likely didn’t even consider you their daughter anymore.

So you were stuck with nowhere to put your grief and no one to talk to. You kept it bottled up until Benjamin was out with his friends. That was when you would break down, screaming and crying in your bedroom.

You’re genuinely surprised when Erwin comes back, strolling into the house in the middle of the night without a care in the world. Benjamin was staying the night with Alexander, which left you completely alone in a cold house.

You only realized it was Erwin when the first place he went was his office. You heard him sigh, dropping papers on his desk. He stayed in there for what seemed like hours before you finally got the gall to walk in. He did nothing more than look over his shoulder, hardly even acknowledging your presence before he continued his work.

You purse your lips, biting your tongue to stop whatever pathetic sound you might have let out.

“Nice to see you,” you say. You try to put venom in it, you try so desperately to convey how hurt you are to him with those four words. But it comes out quiet, voice cracking halfway through.

“I’m busy.” As always. His response to everything you say.

“No you’re not. It’s the middle of the night, Erwin.” You see his hand stop, the grip he held on his pen slightly tightening. “What could you possibly have to do that keeps you so busy at all hours of the day?”

“I just have work, okay, Y/n? You wouldn’t understand.”

Your heart drops. Your eyes slightly widen at the sharpness of his tone. You had heard him use that tone with others before, but you never thought he’d use it with you. And he’d called you by your name.

Your eyes burn, making you wonder if you’ve always been this irrationally sensitive. You move your gaze to the ceiling as you clenched a fist, taking a deep breath.

You’re so done. So done. And you don’t know if it’s because you’re pregnant but you just hurt so bad. Your heart has been broken a million times over and you’re so tired of constantly tearing up and crying but you can’t stop.

You swallow, hoping that’ll ground you and make your voice steady. “You have ten minutes to come to bed or I’m leaving.”

You know you won’t. Erwin knows you won’t. Everyone knows the threat is empty, but you make it anyway. You turn around and walk back to the bedroom, fighting the urge to hit the wall and scream.

You allow yourself exactly four minutes to sob and pull your hair and pace the floor and do whatever you want before pulling yourself together. After those four minutes, you sit straight on the edge of the bed with your eyes closed. You take slow, calculated breaths in, doing the same when you exhale.

You know you just told the biggest, most obvious lie in the world, so it genuinely shocks you when Erwin comes into the bedroom exactly ten minutes after you had told him.

Your eyes follow him as he moves, and you watch as he slips out of his military uniform and into more comfortable clothes. He sits on the opposite side of the bed, and the two of you just stay there, back to back and unmoving. You rub your hands together and sigh, hoping that breaks the uncomfortable silence of the room.

It doesn’t. There is not a single sound in the world.

“If it’s a girl I want to name her Anastasia,” you suddenly say. You hear his sharp intake of breath and feel the bed shift as he leans forward. It’s another moment of silence, and you’re just about to give up and lay down before Erwin talks.

“I like it. We’ll call her Anya.”

You nod. The unbearable silence returns. It seems like forever until you decide to lay down, Erwin following your lead.

Neither of you move closer to the other. You stay on your respective sides of the bed, facing away from each other as sleep overtakes you.

Your bed has never felt colder.

—

He stays longer that time, though most of the two weeks are spent in his office. Benjamin coops himself up with him, always silently playing or drawing on the floor beside his father’s desk.

It gives you no chance to let your emotions out. It feels like you’ve been pregnant forever when in reality it’s only been five months. Benjamin’s birthday comes before you even know what day it is, and you’re forced to quickly string together cornbread with frosting and a present for him.

Benjamin’s sixth birthday was the first one Erwin missed—not counting the day he was born.

You were seething, and later that night when your son had gone to bed you have an argument.

“You’re a real asshole, you know that? Our son fucking adores you. He wants to be just like you when he grows up, but I don’t even think he knows who you are.”

“Of course he knows who I am. He knows enough to be able to look up to me.”

“That is the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard. He knows the idea of you. He knows the mask you put on in front of him the one day a month you’re home. He’s too young to understand that what you do isn’t okay.”

“The Survey Corps is low on soldiers. It’s not my fault they constantly need people working.”

“Then at least take a break when you’re home. Your work doesn’t always need to come home with you! You need to spend time with your son-”

“You don’t even know what goes on in the Survey Corps so how can you say-”

“You literally only look at maps! That’s all you fucking do, how is that-”

“The formation we have in place now for expeditions is shit, I’m trying to-”

“Do that on your own goddamn time! Do that while you’re away, Erwin. I will not let Benjamin grow up without a father because you are too fucking dense to realize-”

Something breaks, and you immediately pause what you were saying and turn your head.

Benjamin stands there, looking down at the glass he broke with wide eyes. You immediately calm down, taking a deep breath as Benjamin looks up.

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to.” You walk over to him, quietly shushing him and petting his hair away from his face.

“It’s okay, my love. Accidents happen.” You softly smile, your expression and voice a sharp contrast to what it was just a moment ago. You kiss the top of his head. “Are you okay? You didn’t get hurt?”

He shakes his head, slightly leaning into you. “Mommy, why were you and Daddy yelling at each other?”

You exhale a breath through your nose. You hoped that argument would have been quietly dealt with. “Sometimes Mommy and Daddy just need to yell to feel better. Everyone does.” You leave another kiss on his head, letting go of him to start picking up the broken glass.

“I’ve got that,” Erwin said. He took two steps before kneeling down, carefully collecting the shards in his hand. You watch as Benjamin steps around the glass, kissing Erwin on the cheek.

“You and Mommy shouldn’t fight because it’s bad.” You watch Erwin’s lips curve up, and he turns his head. He pulls Benjamin closer with the hand not holding glass, kissing the side of his head.

“We won’t fight anymore.”

You smile as they continue talking, carefully standing up. You stretch, taking Benjamin by the hand and walking with him to your bedroom. You tuck him into bed, laying beside him and entwining your hands with his.

“Mommy, I’m sorry about breaking the glass,” he says.

Your eyebrows furrowed together, and you push his hair out of his face. “Why? It was an accident, so it’s alright.”

“But I did it on purpose.”

You prop yourself up on your arm, looking down at Benjamin. He plays with a fraying string on his pajamas, avoiding eye contact. “Why’d you break it on purpose?”

“You and Daddy were getting loud and saying mean words. And I don’t wanna see you guys yelling.”

Your face softens as you lay back down, wrapping an arm around Benjamin and pulling him close. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Sometimes we just get mad at each other.”

Benjamin nods, cuddling into your side. “Were you angry because of me?”

Your face falls, and you quickly try to reassure your son. “No, no, no, darling. Of course not. We weren’t mad because of you. We will never be mad because of you, okay?”

You kiss his head as he nods again. He wraps his arms around you, hiding his face in your chest. “Okay.”

You run your hand through his hair, smoothing down the brown locks until you hear his breathing even out. You let out a sigh as you listen to his breaths, looking up when you hear Erwin’s soft footsteps. You watch him run a hand through his hair and look away when he turns to face you.

He lays down, letting out a heavy breath as he stares at the ceiling.

“He thinks we were mad because of him,” you softly say, whispering so you don’t wake your sleeping son.

Erwin turns his head, his thick eyebrows pulled together. “Did you tell him it wasn’t because of him?”

You nod. Benjamin stays sound asleep in your arms as a moment of silence passes.

“The formation we had on the expedition Anastasia died in wasn’t working.” You glance up, moving your gaze from your sleeping son to your husband’s side profile. “It was vulnerable, and it put certain people in really bad spots. Anastasia ended up in one of those places, and . . .” He trails off, making a vague motion with his hand. “I’m trying to come up with something else to use because it’s always the same spots that get targeted. I’m hoping that with a different formation and way of communicating everyone will be safer.”

You softly hum. You almost hate yourself in the silence that follows because his reasons are so valid.

But then you remember the pain—the heartbreak and longing to just be with him—and decide you can’t just wave it off with that simple explanation because you’ve spent too many tears on this.

You don’t respond, letting the heavy silence of the room speak for you.

The bed shifts, squeaking as Erwin readjusts and wraps his arm around both you and Benjamin. You can feel the hard planes of his torso against your arm, warm and inviting.

This, you think, is the closest this family will ever be.

—

When you woke up that next morning, Erwin had already left.

You were fine with that. Whatever. It was less silent arguments you had to worry about. You could go back to bottling your emotions until you were alone.

He came back every so often over the course of the next four months. He would come back for two or three days before leaving for weeks again and repeat that in a never ending cycle you were beginning to grow tired of.

You weren’t sure if he had planned it or if it was just dumb luck, but he was there on December 29 when your second child was born—a precious baby girl with big blue eyes.

You named her Anastasia just like you said you would. You had no hope that she would keep Erwin home this time, but it’s a breath of fresh air when you wake up early from her crying and Erwin is there, coddling his child and coaxing her back to sleep.

What surprised you even more was that he stayed for four weeks after that, not even leaving before he had breakfast with his family and kissed each of your heads. His lips pressed against your temple the longest, leaving a lingering kiss that you could feel even hours after he had gone.

That kiss sent you for a ride because he had kissed you. He’d given you attention, something you had longed that he give you for months and he finally had!

You kept a giddy smile on your face all day, but then you remembered that he was gone once again and probably would be for months.

More tears streamed down your cheeks daily, and Jesus Christ you just wanted to stop hurting. Erwin never sent any letters or warning and that often left you wondering if he had died on an expedition. Every time that thought crossed your mind you were sent into a spiral, and you weren’t sure if it was even the thought of losing the man you loved that made you so sad.

You didn’t know if it was that or the fact that you would truly be lost without him—because you wouldn’t know who to be if he wasn’t alive. You had spent so much time crying over him that you didn’t even know what else you were capable of. So much energy had been wasted mourning who even knows what and nothing had come out of it.

One week in February—one so cold everyone slept huddled together with a fire burning at all times—you dug up the old letters Erwin had written you.

It was early in the morning. Benjamin and Anya were still sleeping, so you moved quietly and made as little noise as you could. You took the box out from under your bed and sat by the fire, reading every word in the light it provided.

You don’t know how many times you read each one, but the more you read them the less they seemed like extravagant letters pieced together carefully to make you fall in love. They lost their luster and everything that made them surreal. Now they were just pretty words without any real meaning behind them.

Tears burn in your eyes because he promised so many things. He’d promised a happy family and to wholly belong to you only to give you nothing. He’d manipulated his words to make you fall for him and god you were so stupid for doing that.

Did he ever really like you? Maybe he had just given you attention and you misinterpreted it for love.

Whatever the answer might be, there was nothing you could do now. Your main source of income was the check you received because of your husband, and your original plan of starting some sort of business had gone down the drain once Benjamin had become older.

Even if you did want to leave, nothing good would come of it. You had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. And where would that put your kids?

You read over the letters once more. Your lips pressed together and it just makes you so mad because why would he do this? How could he just leave you on your own like this? Sure, he provided for the family but how could he ever spend more time with sheets of paper than his wife?

The first letter Erwin wrote gets slightly crumpled from how tight you grip it. You look back down at it, you gaze flickering to the fire before you do something you can’t undo.

You tear the paper up, every single word memorized, and toss it into the fire.

And God it felt good. A nice little ‘fuck you’ Erwin would never know about. But you knew about it, and just that much made you feel like you could do anything.

So you took another letter and tore it, slowly feeding the pieces to the fire. And you kept doing that, over and over, the feeling of self-satisfaction bringing a smile to your face.

“Mom? What are you burning?”

You turn your head. Benjamin was propped up on his arm, squinting in your direction as his eyes adjusted to the light.

“Nothing, my love,” you said, tearing the final letter and tossing it in the fire. “Just old mail. Nothing important.”

You stood up, wiping your hands against your nightgown. you made your way to the kitchen, looking through the cupboards for whatever you could find to make breakfast.

Benjamin’s eyes followed you, eventually returning to the fire in front of him. He looked at the burning pieces of paper, wondering what they really were before he stood up, going to get dressed.

As you served plates for both you and Benjamin, you looked up at the cackling fire. And as you thought about the way you felt when you opened that first letter, you regretted what you had done just a little bit.

But you were tired of hurting. You were tired of crying all the time, and you were tired of wasting energy on something that won’t happen.

You promise yourself right then that you’re done wasting tears on Erwin. You’re done exhausting yourself just to get a tiny amount of attention from him.

And you do so good. You raise your kids well and any tears you shed aren’t sad or because of your husband. You get back into touch with Marie and find out she’s had a daughter and is pregnant again. You force yourself to seem fine around Erwin and you become so good at acting okay that you begin believing it yourself.

Until four years later, when Benjamin is 11 and comes home one day announcing that he leaves for the training corps in a week.

—

You were livid. More than you’ve ever been.

Benjamin had enlisted with the help of Erwin, managing to keep the entire thing secret from you until one of the last possible moments.

This was supposed to be a phase he grew out of—a quick thing he was hyper fixated on for a few days before he moved onto the next thing and never thought about it again.

You thought he’d gotten over it when he was five because you hadn’t heard a single thing about it over the years. He was always clinging to Erwin when he was home, but you just assumed it was because he wanted his father’s attention. You never would have imagined that they filled the paperwork out together, preparing your son for the military without so much as asking your opinion.

Erwin wasn’t home for three days after your son had announced it, and during those three days your anger only grew and you felt so tired of feeling this way.

"You can't just do this without talking to me! He's my son and-"

"He's my son, too, Y/n. You aren't the only one that needs to know what he's doing with his life."

"But I should still know! This is still something that-"

"Mom, you've known that this is something I've been wanting to do."

"You haven't said anything about joining the military since you were four, Benjamin. And then suddenly you just walk in announcing that you’re leaving-"

“He’s allowed to be his own person.”

“Obviously, but it’d be nice if-”

“You never would have heard me out or let me anyway-”

“Will you two shut up and let me talk?” you snap. They both immediately stop talking, Benjamin’s mouth slightly dropped in shock. You wait a second, making sure neither of them had anything else to say before you turned to Benjamin and continued speaking. “Go watch your sister outside.”

“But-”

“I said”—your tone hardens, voice raising—“go watch your sister. I’ll talk to you in a minute.”

Benjamin huffs, rolling his eyes before leaving the room and muttering something under his breath. You would have gotten onto him for it if you weren’t so focused on the man in front of you.

“Erwin, you can’t do this shit without telling me,” you say firmly. You pin him with your gaze, sitting at the dining table with him. “He’s my son and I think I deserve to know when he volunteers himself to go on a fucking suicide mission.”

“He won’t die out there, Y/n. He’ll get the proper training and learn the proper precautions to deal with everything.”

“Every soldier gets trained and learns how to deal with titans, but how many are still alive?”

You furrow your eyebrows in mock confusion. Erwin gets stunned into silence, mouth opening and closing like a fish as he thinks of a retort.

“Anastasia was properly trained and she still died. Benjamin is going to die out there and you think it’s okay to fill out the paperwork with him without even telling me? In what world is that okay?”

“This is something Benjamin’s wanted for years. He never brought it up to you after Anastasia died because he didn’t think you’d like it.”

“Of course I wouldn’t have! But you know what I still would have done? I would have sat down, and had a talk with him to see if this was something he actually wanted to do and I would have supported him anyways because I love him.”

“Then why can’t you show that same support now, Y/n? You say you would have heard him out but you’re so pissed after finding out he enlisted.”

“Because I didn’t know about it!” Your voice cracks, and suddenly your eyes are burning and your composure breaks and now you’re crying. “You never tell me shit, Erwin. I never get so much as a letter from you to know that you’re okay and I’m left wondering for months when your commander is going to come knocking on my door to tell me you’re dead. And the worst part is I’m only relieved to see you before I start hating you again because you never take any of us into consideration. Benjamin and Anya do so much just to get you to notice them and you barely even give them a pat on the back. But when Benjamin wants to risk his life just to please you? Why is that what makes you start paying attention to him?”

You hadn’t even realized half of what you were saying. You thought you had taught yourself to be fine when Erwin never sent a sign saying he was alive. You thought you learned how to stay in the middle ground—not in love with him like you were before but not constantly detesting him.

Then again, if you were in the middle ground then surely it wouldn’t hurt this bad, right?

The room is silent, the only sound being your heavy pants as you struggle to catch your breath and composure. You look away from Erwin because God this is embarrassing. Even more since he’s just looking at you, his expression unreadable to you as you turn your head and wipe your cheeks.

You sniff, taking a deep breath. You close your eyes and bite the inside of your cheek in an attempt to stop the flow of tears. Finally, after you taste the faint tang of iron in your mouth, you open your eyes and face Erwin again.

He’s always been so handsome. With his high cheekbones and full lips and bushy eyebrows and gorgeous eyes. He had only grown into his features as the years passed, and you always found yourself wondering how he never looked worn out.

It always made you swoon, how handsome he was. Pretty privilege must exist because looking back there is no valid reason you forgave him for everything he did.

“I swear to God, Erwin, if anything happens to him-”

“Y/n, I promise. Nothing is going to happen. We all look out for each other. He will be fine.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as you nodded. You brought a hand up to your face, massaging your temple as you close your eyes. You’re so tired, and you don’t want to deal with this so you just nod.

“Alright. It’s fine. Just . . . Tell me things like this, okay?”

You hate how small your voice sounded, how easily you surrendered, but you wanted nothing more than just a day to rest. You’re so done and tired of everything that happens.

Erwin nods, but you know somewhere deep down that he likely won’t hold up on that promise. You’re scared that by agreeing to this you’ll start mourning someone that hasn’t even died, but you agree anyway.

And maybe, just maybe, you should have put more effort into that argument.

—

Benjamin stood, right fist over his heart with his left behind his back. He stared forward as the instructor gave his welcoming speech, a faint smile on his face.

He was finally here—finally he would be given the chance to impress his dad. He would rise through the ranks and graduate top of his class just like Erwin did. Nothing would stop him. In three years he would check the little box that officially made him a Scout.

That is what he hoped. But after a couple weeks of the same intense training and going to bed on the thin mattress drained beyond belief made him think maybe he didn’t want that.

But he was already here. He had something to prove to his dad and maybe, just maybe, Erwin would pay more attention to him.

So he tried his best. Benjamin spent any spare time he had running laps to build his endurance. Occasionally, he would spar with one of the other cadets. Nine times out of ten he lost, but the very few times he triumphed gave him this burst of motivation that made him feel like this was his destiny.

It seems like the three years he spent in the training corps came and went, and when the time to take the final assessment rolled around he felt unprepared.

He had fumbled—so bad he just barely hooked onto the tree he was aiming for with his ODM gear and nearly fell to the ground. The cut he made on every mock titan was too shallow, and each one felt like a cut to his own heart because he just knew he would not graduate top of his class. Not even close.

Results took months to get back to the cadets, which Benjamin didn’t understand because don’t his superiors grade it as he tests? Surely there’s a better way to decide rankings.

But it didn't matter. He was back home, watching his nine-year-old sister play with her friends Jean and Marco as the anxiety slowly ate away at him. He was always biting his nails, staring off into space until you lightly slapped his hand away from his lips and told him not to.

Those months where he waited for his results were the cruelest he had ever experienced. He had no clue what to do with himself, going on long walks until he was called back. And even then they didn’t give the results right away. 

It was starting to get dark outside, a cold nip coming in the air. Benjamin walked into the dimly lit dining hall, his posture uncharacteristically bad. 

“Oi, Smith.”

Benjamin turned, immediately straightening and searching for whoever had called his name. His gaze landed on an unusually short man with dark hair sitting alone at a table. Benjamin took slow steps and they met in the middle of the hallway.

“You’re Erwin Smith’s son, right?”

Benjamin thought the way he had to look down at the older man was a bit ridiculous. He wasn’t sure how seriously he could take this.

But he keeps a straight face and responds with the proper authority, curtly nodding and saying, “Yes, sir.”

He waits as the man in front of him takes him in, physically moving his head to look Benjamin up and down. “Erwin’s requesting your presence.”

So he sent . . . a cadet? Shouldn’t this guy already be an active member in the military?

Benjamin gives another curt nod. “Where is he?”

“In his office. He asked me to escort you.”

Benjamin nods, following the shorter man when he turns and begins walking in the opposite direction. Their steps are the only sounds that echo in the hallway, creating an uncomfortable silence around them.

“Who are you, again? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you,” Benjamin says, trying to create a running conversation that breaks the silence.

“Levi.”

He kept his response short and curt, and the way he’d said his name made it seem like he intended to end the conversation there.

The name rung a bell in Benjamin’s head, but he couldn’t quite place where he might know it from. It’s another minute of silence as Benjamin rolls the name around in his head before he finally recognizes the name.

“Wait, are you the guy that tried to kill my dad?”

Levi is silent for a moment, acting as if he hadn’t heard the question and instead redirecting the conversation. “How close are you with him?”

“Me and my dad? I mean, I guess we’re pretty close. We talk and stuff.” Benjamin shrugged, slightly relaxing his posture. “We don’t spend a lot of time together since he’s busy a lot of the time, but based on when we do, yeah, I’d say we’re pretty close.”

Levi doesn’t speak as he takes in the information. Truthfully, he hadn’t even known his superior had a child until just today. Erwin and his son must not have been as close as Benjamin believed if that was the case.

But that did make Levi curious about Erwin’s wife.

“What about your parents? They close?”

Benjamin nods. “Yeah. My mom writes Dad letters all the time.”

“You mean the ones he keeps in a box?”

Benjamin almost falters, his heart practically skipping a beat at Levi’s words.

That reaction alone tells Levi everything he needs to know, and the two of them continue walking in silence.

Levi left once they reached the door to Erwin’s office. Benjamin stood in front of it, unmoving as he thought about what Levi had said. Did Erwin really leave your letters in a box?

He finally opens the door. He’s not sure what it is, but immediately his gaze lands on a box set on the bookshelf behind Erwin, a scribble written across it spelling out what Benjamin hopes isn’t your name.

Benjamin sits in the chair across from Erwin’s desk, waiting for him to finish signing paperwork. He puts his pen down, crossing his arms against his desk and leaning forward.

Benjamin isn’t even sure what all his father had called him to talk about. He can only nod along and force all his focus on not letting his eyes drift to the box of unopened letters.

What he’d gathered after he leaves Erwin’s office and looks down at the paper in his hands is that his final test results weren’t what he was hoping for. There was no option to join the Military Police, so he definitely wasn’t in the top ten. And after a self evaluation joining the Scout Regiment seemed out of reach, too . . .

Later that night, when Benjamin is the only one awake in the cadets quarters, he reads over the paper in the dim moonlight. He bites the inside of his cheek as he thinks, picking up a pencil and tapping the tip against his lip.

His pencil hovers over the box, ready to put an X in the one labeled Scouts, but something makes him hesitate. He isn’t the best with ODM gear. His physical prowess definitely isn’t as good as he’d like it to be, and his agility and dexterity could get him killed with how slow he is.He decides he values his life more than his father’s approval, and that is why he moves his pencil down and checks the box labeled Garrison.

Part two y'all, hope you enjoyed <3

next part >>

TAGLIST: @daisynik7 if you’d like to join the taglist for this series or be notified whenever I write for Erwin please leave a comment or DM!

[wing-ed-thing]

Levi x Reader x Erwin Love Triangle Headcanons

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns, Slight Name-Calling (1)

𓆃 Levi having the initiative in a love triangle setting? What is this? An AU?

𓆃 This dynamic is sure to produce your classic love triangle feelings and troupes tenfold. Both are very powerful men with Levi being loyal, reliable, and slightly aloof, while Erwin is charming, calculating, and the definition of aloof.

𓆃 Levi has the advantage in the dynamic (which is a rarity for him, considering his reserved nature) simply because Erwin has basically sworn relationships off already.

𓆃 Although, this doesn't stop Erwin from trying to have his cake and eat it too. While he couldn't allow himself to have a life with Marie, that doesn't mean he's above teasing, flirting, and otherwise courting all time tell himself— and perhaps even telling you— that he's not looking for anything more.

𓆃 Levi also isn't one to jump at the prospect of an intimate relationship either (whatever that looks like for the two of you). He prefers to take things slow to scope you out as a person.

𓆃 Perhaps you'll hear, "Let's go out," or probably more likely, "I need dinner, let's go," but that's about the extent Levi is going.

𓆃 In fact, the only time the word "date" is ever going to be explicitly said is if you ask, "Is this a date?" to which Levi might answer, "Call it whatever you want, idiot" but only if you're particularly oblivious.

𓆃 It's more than Erwin will acknowledge. He'll make any excuse for you to accompany him on things, telling you that he wants to eat out for lunch and tells you to order what you want because he's putting it on the office tab.

𓆃 Don't even bother asking if anything is remotely outside professional because all you'll get back is, "Hm? What gave you that impression?" with a look on his face that makes you wonder if he's being serious or not.

𓆃 It's not that Erwin doesn't want you; it's that he desires something even more. This combined with his expert masking abilities and charm, translates to mixed signals at best.

𓆃 He's content with getting what he wants out of his relationship with you while avoiding placing labels on what you are for as long as possible.

𓆃 Levi, on the other hand, is far too... introspective. He has a lot going on, and he's mostly aware of it all, including his past losing people he cares about.

𓆃 There's not exactly a specific fear. It's more that he's lost tolerance for vulnerability, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Subconsciously, he almost expects good things in his life to be followed by bad things.

𓆃 He'll continue to build a deep friendship with you, displaying deepening feelings through reluctant or secretive acts of service, leaving you with a strong and intimate friendship.

𓆃 Unlike Erwin, Levi's a bit more casual about labels. Ending the love triangle could be as easy as, "Are we a couple?" "If you say so. We've been living together for 8 goddamn months."

𓆃 It'll take quite the catalyst for one of them to make a definitive move. Even if you made your intentions known, it's likely not enough to bypass Erwin's mixed thoughts or Levi's.

𓆃 Erwin doesn't even know what he wants, and Levi is too fixated on what a deeper relationship with you means.

𓆃 So until something big happens that knocks either of them into shape, Erwin is content to play house with you, and Levi will continue to scope you out, overthinking until it's too late.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

If you're interested in more Levi x Reader x Erwin, consider checking out my 17.5k fic Stupid, Stupid, Emotionally Unavailable Erwin Smith or on AO3.

[theepisceswriter]

WELCOME TO CLUB RENAISSANCE !

(Aka Stallion's return event)

ＣＵＮＴ ＴＯ ＴＨＥ ＦＥＭＩＮＩＥ ＷＨＡＴ， ＰＯＷ ！

OMGGGG, lovies I am SAUR excited to be back and share my creativity and world with you all and build off of the equally amazing ideas you have as supporters of my work. As an artist, having the inspiration and drive to write after not having ANY for so long means the world to me! So come help me spew out more content for yall!! And what better way to do it than a Beyonce themed event?

MASTERLIST (TBA once requests start rolling in)

HOW THIS EVENT WILL WORK

♡ Underneath the readmore tag there is an assortment of characters, tropes/situations (both sfw and nsfw), and even reader specifics to choose from annnnddd even wildcard options for you if there's anything I left out!

♡ You’ll choose a Drink (character), Beyonce Song (situations/tropes), and your favorite Yonce (reader specific).

♡ The characters listed are not the only ones available, all characters from the fandoms I have listed on my page are available! The ones listed are just the ones I get requests for the most or ones I’ve been having brainrots for lately 

♡ You can send in all sorts of combinations and be as vague or descriptive as you want to be. You can list multiple characters, multiple situations, etc, etc.

♡ For example: "Can I have a Long Island Iced tea, Cuff It & Energy, with Femyonce?", "Can I request Zeke Jaeger with the fwb trope and nb!Reader?" and even, "Can I have One night stand trope with Gojo after he comes home after being locked away for so long?" Whatever you want baby I got you!

♡ Enjoy grandma's babies !!!

♡ CMON AND GRAB YOU A DRINK BABY ! (Characters) ♡

Long Island: Reiner Braun

Margarita: Toji Fushiguro

Martini: Gojo Satoru

Old Fashion: Nanami Kento

Mimosa: Jotaro Kujo

Cosmopolitan: Dio Brando

Bloody Mary: Geto Suguru

Whiskey Sour: Jean Kirchstein

White Russain: Eren Jaeger

Daiquiri: Zeke Jaeger

Negroni: Gutts

Gin Fizz: Shigure Sohma

Manhattan: Levi Ackerman

Mojito: Erwin Smith

Lemon Drop: Shuu Tsukiyama

Sangria: Benimaru

Screwdriver: Leonard Burns

Mai Tai: Character of your choice!

♡ CHOOSE A JAM TO BOOGIE TO! (Scenarios/Tropes)♡

♡ CENSORED (SFW) ♡

ALL UP IN YOUR MIND: Yandere

KITTY KAT: Sidechick-type beat

NO ANGEL: Troubled!Reader

PRAY YOU CATCH ME: Cheating

JEALOUS: Jealousy

ALL NIGHT: Domestic themes (marriage, children, etc)

SORRY: Reconciling

ON THE RUN: Criminal!Reader x Criminal!Character

HEAVEN: Death

LOVE ON TOP: Fluff

MINES: Any trope to lovers

BEST THING I NEVER HAD: AU (coffee shop, modern, organized crime, etc, etc)

LOVE DROUGHT: Angst

HELLO: First date

BREAK MY SOUL: wildcard! A theme you think of that might not be listed

♡ UNCENSORED (NSFW) ♡

COZY: Cockwarming

ALIEN SUPERSTAR: Monsterfucking

CUFF IT: Overstimulation

CHURCH GIRL: Religion kink

PLASTIC OFF THE SOFA: Aftercare (can be sfw)

VIRGOS GROOVE: Friends with benefits

MOVE: Dominatrix

THIIQUE: Body worship (can be sfw)

PURE/HONEY: Onlyfans!Reader

SUMMER RENAISSANCE: One-Night Stand

VIDEO PHONE: Phone sex

IF I WERE A BOY: Pegging

6-INCH: Sex worker!Reader

SANDCASTLES: Hate sex

UPGRADE U: Sugar Daddy/Mommy

HAUNTED: BDSM

BLOW: Oral fixation

PARTITION: Car sex

DANCE FOR YOU: Striptease

ENERGY: Mutual masturbation

ROCKET: wildcard! A theme you think of that might not be listed

♡ CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE YONCE ! ♡

Femyonce: F!Reader

Thugga Bey: M!Reader

Themyonce: Nb!Reader

Diversce (I thought of this one real hard): POC!Reader (you specify)

[your-averagewriter]

Request rules.

I don't write smut but I will write steamy make-out scenes and all that.

I will write fem!character x fem!reader, male!character x fem!reader, male!reader x male!reader. All of it including gender neutral reader.

I also only really write x reader fics.

My Masterlist - What I've already written, I update when I post.

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED DUE TO HAVING LOTS OF REQUESTS!

- Thanks for the requests though! :)

Keep an eye on this as I add more characters as I watch more shows/movies!

People/characters I will write for:

DYSTOPIAN and ACTION:

- Hunger Games - Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen, Haymitch Abernathy, Finnick Odair, Johanna Mason, Annie Cresta, Lucy Gray Baird, Sejanus Plinth.

- Maze Runner - Thomas, Newt, Gally, Minho.

- Kingsman - Harry Hart (Galahad), Gary "Eggsy" Unwin (Galahad), Hamish Mycroft (Merlin), Jack Daniels (Whiskey).

- Zombieland - Tallahassee, Columbus, Wichita.

- Luther - John Luther, Alice Morgan, Justin Ripley.

- Call of Duty - John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, König, Alejandro Vargas, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Valeria Garza, Keegan Russ.

- The Boys - Homelander, Starlight, Soldier Boy, Black Noir, Billy Butcher, Hughie Campbell, The Deep, Queen Maeve, A-Train, Translucent.

- Gen V - Marie Moreau, Emma Meyer, Jordan Li, Andre Anderson, Cate Dunlap, Luke Riordan and Sam Riordan.

- Fallout - Cooper Howard (pre and post Ghoul), Lucy MacLean, Maximus.

HORROR:

- Scream - Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Dwight "Dewey" Riley, Randy Meeks, Richie Kirsch, Sam Carpenter, Tara Carpenter, Chad Meeks-Martin, Mindy Meeks-Martin, Ethan Landry.

- The Lost Boys - Michael Emerson, David, Star, Marko, Dwayne.

- What We Do in the Shadows - Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth, Nadja, Guillermo de la Cruz.

- Late Night with The Devil - Jack Delroy

- Renfield - R.M Renfield.

- A Quiet Place (1&2) - Lee Abbott, Evelyn Abbott, Emmett.

- The Boy - Brahms.

- Fight Club - Tyler Durden, The Narrator.

- Alien - Ripley, Dwayne Hicks, Hudson.

- Saw - Adam Faulkner-Stanheight, Amanda Young, Peter Strahm, Mark Hoffman.

- The Crow - Eric Draven.

- Midnight Mass - Sheriff Hassan, Father Paul, Riley Flynn.

MARVEL:

- MCU - Tom Holland!Peter Parker, Andrew Garfield!Peter Parker, Bruce Banner, Steve Rodgers, Tony Stark, T'Challa, Stephen Strange, Logan, Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Yelena Belova, Matt Murdock, Valkyrie, Carol Danvers, Peter Quill, Bucky Barnes, Phil Coulson, Gamora, Thor Odinson, Loki Laufeyson, James Rhodes, Pietro Maximoff, Druig, Sam Wilson, Shuri.

- Spiderverse - Hobie Brown, Miles Morales (both variations), Gwen Stacy, Miguel O'Hara, Pavitr Prabhakar, Peter B Parker, Spider Noir.

- X-Men and others (Deadpool etc) - Young!Charles Xavier, Young!Erik Lehnsherr, Nightcrawler, Jean Grey, Scott Summers, Nathan Summers, Wade Wilson.

DC:

- The Dark Knight Trilogy - Christian Bale!Bruce Wayne, Jonathon Crane.

- The Batman - Robert Pattinson!Bruce Wayne, Selina Kyle.

- Justice League - Diana Prince (Wonderwoman), Arthur Curry (Aquaman), Clark Kent (Superman).

- Gotham - David Mazouz!Bruce Wayne, Jerome Valeska, Jerimiah Valeska, Alfred Pennyworth, Jim Gordon, Selina Kyle, Ed Nygma, Barbara Kean, Oswald Cobblepot, Victor Zsasz, Harvey Bullock, Jonathon Crane, Jervis Tetch, Victor Fries.

The Suicide Squad - Jared Leto!Joker, Harley Quinn, Rick Flag, Chris Smith (Peacemaker), Robert DuBois (Bloodsport), Chato Santana (El Diablo).

ANIME:

- Attack on Titan - Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, Reiner Braun, Annie Leonhart, Sasha Braus, Erwin Smith, Miche Zacharius, Hitch Dreyse, Kenny Ackerman, Marco Bodt, Pieck Finger, Porco Galliard, Colt Grice, Bertholdt Hoover, Nicolo, Ymir, Zeke Yeager, Floch Forster.

- Demon Slayer - Giyu Tomioka, Mitsuri Kanroji, Obanai Iguro, Muichiro Tokito, Shinobu Kocho, Kyojuro Rengoku, Tengen Uzui, Kanao Tsuyuri, Tanjiro Kamado, Zenitsu Agatsuma, Inosuke Hashibira, Gyutaro, Daki, Enmu, Hinatsuru, Makio, Suma.

- Castlevania - Alucard, Sypha Belnades, Trevor Belmont, Carmilla, Lenore.

- Tokyo Ghoul - Ken Kaneki, Juuzou Suzuya, Touka Kirishima, Kuki Urie, Ayato Kirishima, Itori, Uta, Hideyoshi Nagachika.

- My Hero Academia - Shota Aizawa, Hizashi Yamada, Tenya Ida, Ochaco Uraraka, Denki Kaminari, Eijiro Kirishima, Kyoka Jiro, Hanta Sero, Shoto Todoroki, Katsuki Bakugo, Itsuka Kendo, Tamaki Amajiki, Hitoshi Shinso, Keigo Takami, Mirko, Dabi, Himiko Toga, Jin Bubaigawara.

- Obey me - Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, Solomon.

- Haikyuu! - Daichi Sawamura, Kōshi Sugawara, Asahi Azumane, Tobio Kageyama, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Kiyoko Shimizu, Keishin Ukai, Tetsurō Kuroo, Kenma Kozume, Tōru Oikawa, Hajime Iwaizumi, Kōtarō Bokuto, Keiji Akaashi, Wakatoshi Ushijima, Satori Tendō, Yūji Terushima, Kiyoomi Sakusa, Atsumu Miya, Osamu Miya.

- Avatar the Last Airbender - Zuko, Katara, Sokka, Aang, Azula, Ty Lee.

- Avatar: Legend of Korra - Korra, Asami, Mako, Tenzin, Iroh.

MUSIC:

- Waterparks - Awsten Knight, Geoff Wigington, Otto Wood.

- My Chemical Romance - Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Frank Iero, (all the killjoys).

- Pierce The Veil - Vic Fuentes, Tony Perry, Jaime Preciado.

- All Time Low - Alex Gaskarth, Rian Dawson, Zack Merrick.

- Ice Nine Kills - Spencer Charnas, Ricky Armellino, Patrick Galante, Joe Occhiuti, Dan Sugarman.

- Palaye Royale - Remington Leith, Emerson Barrett.

- Others - Oli Sykes, Ronnie Radke, Andy Hurley, Brandon Flowers, Chris Motionless, Kellin Quinn,, John O'Callaghan, Josh Franceschi, Lzzy Hale, Hayley Williams, William Beckett, Noah Sebastian, Will Ramos, Will Ghould, Dave Grohl, Vessel (Sleep Token).

- Metal Lords - Hunter, Kevin, Emily.

SCI-FI:

- The Sandman - Dream, Corinthian.

- Prey - Naru, Taabe.

- Stranger Things - Steve Harrington, Nancy Wheeler, Jonathon Byers, Max Mayfield, Robin Buckley, 001, Dimitri, Eddie Munson.

- Star Wars - Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo, Rey, Kylo Ren, Boba Fett, Poe Dameron, Din Djarin, Cal Kestis.

OTHERS:

- Barbie - Barbie, Ken.

- Monster High - Frankie Stein, Clawdeen Wolf, Cleo de Nile, Deuce Gorgon, Draculaura, Lagoona Blue, Abbey Bominable, Clawd Wolf, Gillington Webber, Heath Burns, Holt Hyde, Jackson Jekyll, Neighthan Rot, Operetta, Robecca Steam, Rochelle Goyle, Venus McFlytrap, Kieran Valentine, Porter Geiss.

- Euphoria - Rue Bennett, Jules Vaughn, Maddy Perez, Cassie Howard, Fezco, Lexi Howard, Nate Jacobs (nothing abusive).

- Wonka - Willy Wonka, Fickelgruber.

- Saltburn - Oliver Quick, Felix Catton, Farleigh Start, Venetia Catton.

-

I know that's quite a long list and if you want me to write for a character not on there then just ask :)

[imisssummer]

request rules (closed)

everything has to be x fem!reader, they should be answered within a week of submitting, and i’ll do pretty much anything (incest, non-con/rape, piss, age gaps, yandere, etc etc) except for scat!!! as for fandoms & characters—

masterlist

jujutsu kaisen

𖤐 — satoru gojo, suguru geto, toji fushiguro, sukuna ryoumen, nanami kento, choso kamo, megumi fushiguro, itadori yuji, mei mei, shoko ieiri, yuki tsukumo, toge inumaki, & okkotsu yuta.

hunter x hunter

𖤐 — chrollo lucifer, hisoka marow, illumi zoldyck, feitan portor, kurapika kurta, shalnark ryuseih, ging freecs, & pariston hill.

my hero academia

𖤐 — shota aizawa, shinsou hitoshi, dabi, hawks, shigaraki tomura, shoto todoroki, izuku midoriya, katsuki bakugo, endeavor, mirko, himiko toga, & amajiki tamaki.

haikyuu!!

𖤐 — rintaro suna, atsumu miya, osamu miya, eita semi, sakusa kiyoomi, oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime, ushijima wakatoshi, tendou satori, kita shinsuke, akaashi keiji, kageyama tobio, kozume kenma, kuroo tetsuro, bokuto koutarou, sawamura daichi, hinata shoyo, asahi azumane, tsutomu goshiki, & koshi sugawara.

tokyo revengers

𖤐 — mikey sano, draken ryuguji, haitani ran, haitani rindo, hakkai shiba, takashi mitsuya, chifuyu matsuno, kazutora hanemiya, taiju shiba, keisuke baji, shuji hanma, shinichiro sano, kurokawa izana, hajime kokonoi, seishu inui, & sanzu haruchiyo.

demon slayer

𖤐 — kyojuro rengoku, giyu tomioka, sanemi shinazugawa, tengen uzui (+ wives), muzan kibutsuji, akaza, doma, muichiro tokito, gyomei himejima, obanai iguro, mitsuri kanroji, & shinobu kocho.

attack on titan

𖤐 — levi ackerman, eren yeager, mikasa ackerman, armin arlert, zeke yeager, reiner braun, hange zoe, erwin smith, jean kirstein, connie springer, & yelena.

bungo stray dogs

𖤐 — osamu dazai, atsushi nakajima, yukichi fukuzawa, ranpo edogawa, doppo kunikida, chuuya nakahara, ougai mori, ryuunosuke akutagawa, akiko yosano, fyodor dostoyevsky, nikolai gogol, tetcho suehiro, & edgar allen poe.

black butler

𖤐 — sebastian michaelis, ciel phantomhive, alois trancy, claude faustus, & undertaker.

kakegurui

𖤐 — moomobami ririka, momobami kirari, ikishima midari, jabami yumeko, saotome mary, & yuriko nishinotouin.

[gumiluver]

🖤ABOUT ME 🖤

hey luv’s, thanks for stopping by! heard you wanted to learn more about me, so I thought I’d share some facts :)

✧༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻✧

DEMOGRAPHICS

I’m Rosie! I’m 22 y/o. My ethnicity is Filipino-Caucasian, but my culture primarily consists of Filipino-Hawaiian traditions and lifestyle. I was born in socal, and currently reside in oc! I currently work as a clinical case manager at a mental health facility, and have been working there for over a year now! I plan to apply for my masters degree in social work for the fall 2024 semester, so wish me luck! <3

✧༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻✧

CURRENTLY CRUSHIN’ ON…

luver boys <3: fushiguro megumi <3, nanami kento, gojo satoru, okkotsu yuta, hayakawa aki, kishibe, denji, eren jeager, levi ackerman, reiner braun, erwin smith, tomioka giyuu, rengoku kyojuro, kamado tanjiro, hatake kakashi, uchiha itachi, uchiha sasuke, nara shikamaru, uzumaki naruto, yamada asaemon shion, chobo aza, lucifer, mammon, beel, solomon, loid forger, kurusu kazuki, suwa rei, zuko

luver girls <3: mei mei, zen’in maki, mikasa ackerman, kocho shinobu, kanroji mitsuri, hinatsuru | makio | suma, yuhi kurenai, senju tsunade, haruno sakura, yamanaka ino, yamada asaemon sagiri, yuzuriha, yor forger, azula

luvers <3: yelena, hange zoe, uraume

this list may change as time goes on! <3

✧༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻✧

CURRENT HOBBIES

cuddling with my bf & cats, reading, writing, playing games (on mobile & switch!), makeup, baking, gardening, video essays, scrapbooking

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LIKES

series: bobs burgers, haunting of hills house, black mirror, big mouth, the office, new girl, brooklyn 99, law & order: svu, rick & morty, hannibal, better call saul, breaking bad, game of thrones, house of dragons, vikings, vikings: valhalla

movies: parasite, uncut gems, mother!, talk to me, get out, us, nope, annihilation, hereditary, midsommar, mama, requiem for a dream,

games: obey me! shall we date?, red dead redemption II, cyberpunk, god of war, doom eternal, elden ring, legend of zelda: botw & totk, sekiro, animal crossing: new horizons

anime: jujutsu kaisen, chainsaw man, attack on titan, demon slayer, hells paradise, naruto, haikyuu, spy x family, buddy daddies, fire force, soul eater, record of ragnarok

novels: blood meridian, flowers for algernon, the metamorphosis, johnny got his gun, ‘till we have faces, one flew over the cuckoos nest, sybil

authors: Cormac McCarthy, C. S. Lewis, Ellen Hopkins, Franz Kafka, Mary Shelley, Stephen King

genres: existentialism, cosmic horror, psychological, psychological horror, slice of life, dark humor, dry humor

artists: khantrast, suicideboys, flatbush zombies, ramirez, denzel curry, JID, brockhampton, polyphia, her, summer walker, doja cat, sza, billie eilish, ari lennox

music genres: underground rap, dark trap, r & b, metal

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DISLIKES

homophobia, transphobia, bigotry, anti-feminism, anti-abortion, racism & anything else of a similar nature! if you engage in any of this behavior, please do not interact with me or my content!

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Feel free to drop an ask or leave me a message! I’d love to get to know each and every one you you luv’s <3

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[littlelalaland]

For anyone interested in me making Headcannons, here are the characters I am willing to do them for.

I do Creepypasta, The Legend Of Zelda, Attack On Titan, Demon slayer, Hunter X Hunter, and Mortal Kombat.

Creepypasta:

Male->

- Laughing Jack

- Eyeless Jack

- Jason the Toymaker

- BEN Drowned/ Benjamin Lawman

- Nathan the Nobody

- Jeff the Killer/ Jeffrey Woods

- Liu Woods/ Homicidal Liu/ Sully

- Bloody Painter/ Helen Otis

- Masky/ Tim Wright

- Hoodie/ Brian Thomas

- Ticci Toby/ Tobias Erin Rodgers

- Zalgo

- Slenderman

- Splendorman

- Trenderman

- Offenderman

- Kagekao

- Herobrine

- Surrenderman

- Hobo Heart

- Candypop

- Black Eyed Children

- Glitchy Red

- Scissormouth

- Smiling man

- X Virus

- Dr. Smiley

- Puppeteer

- Will Grossman

- Lost Silver

Female->

- Jane Everlasting

- Nina the Killer

- Lulu

- Sally Williams

- Lazari Swann

- Nurse Ann

- Judge Angel/ Dina

- Kate The Chaser

- Clockwork

- Zero

- Stripes

- Suicide Sadie

- Sadiya

- Kris Nelar

- Mary Vaughn

- Hachisukasama

- Laughing Jill

- Rouge

Monster->

- Rake

- Smiledog.jpg

- Seed Eater

- Mr. Widemouth

- Grinny Cat

- Glitchy Red

- Sonic.EXE

- Skin Taker

- SCP 173

- Red

- Pinkemania

- Momo

- Teki Teki

- Tails Doll

Legends Of Zelda:

Male->

- Link (Any)

- King Rauru (Totk)

- Ganondorf/ Ganon

- Robbie

- Master Kohga

- Sidon

- Deku Tree

- Tulin

- Teba

- King Dorephan

- Yunobo

- Beedle

- Sheik?

- Shad

- Colin

- Dark Link

- Shadow Link

- Ghirahim

- Happy Mask Salesman

- Revali

- Tael

- Zant

Female->

- Zelda (Any)

- Princess Midna

- Princess Mipha

- Queen Sonia

- Purah

- Yona

- Mineru

- Impa

- Paya

- Riju

- Buliara

- Navi

- Great Fairies

- Nabooru

- Princess Ruto

- Saria

- Tatl

-Urbosa

Animal/ Beasts:

- Chickens

- Epona

- Bokoblins

- Keese

- Horoblins

- Lizalfo

- Hestu

- Korok

- Demise

- Skull Kid

Attack On Titan:

Male->

- Levi Ackerman

- Connie Springer

- Eren Jeager

- Armin Arlert

- Grisha Jeager

- Zeke Jeager

- Porco Galiard

- Falco Grice

- Bertholdt Hoover

- Reiner Braustess

- Erwin Smith

- Marco Bodt

- Moblit

- Farlan

- Kenny Ackerman

- Kitz

- Dot Pyxis

- Hannes

- Keith Shadis

- King Fritz

- Nicolo

- Jean Kirschtein

- Onyankopon

- Floch Forster

Female->

- Mikasa Ackerman

- Yelena

- Sasha Braus

- Ymir (both)

- Petra

- Dina Fritz

- Hange Zoë

- Isabel

- Zofia

- Kiyomi Azumabito

- Carla Jeager

- Kuchel Ackerman

- Annie Leonheart

- Pieck Finger

Demon Slayer:

Male->

- Tanjiro Kamado

- Inosuke Hashibira

- Zenitsu Agatsuma

- Tengen Uzui

- Sanemi Shinuzugawa

- Giyu Tomioka

- Kagaya

- Obanai Iguro

- Gyomei

- Kyojuro Rengoku

- Muichiro Tokito

- Urokodaki

- Genya Shinuzugawa

- Yushiro

- Muzan Kibutsuji

- Rui

- Kokushibo

- Senjuro Rengoku

- Tanjuro Kamado

- Tecchin Tecchikawahara

- Kotetsu

- Hotaru Haganezuka

- Yoriichi

- Douma

- Akaza

- Hantengu

- Gyokko

- Gyutaro

- Daki

- Enmu

Female->

- Kanae Kocho

- Mitsuri Kanroji

- Amane

- Shinobu Kocho

- Kanao Tsuyuri

- Aoi Kanzaki

- Sumi Nakahara

- Kiyo Terauchi

- Naho Takada

- Nezuko Kamado

- Lady Tamayo

- Spider demon Mother

- Spider Demon Daughter

- Biwa lady/ Nakime

- Hinatsuru

- Makio

- Suma

Hunter x Hunter:

Male:

- Gon Freecs

- Killua Zoldyck

- Milluki Zoldyck

- Master Wing

- Zushi

- Isaac Netero

- Pariston Hill

- Ging Freecs

- Morel

- Hisoka Morrow

- Illumi Zoldyck

- Hanzo

- Kite

- Knov

- Shalnark

- Geretta

- Tonpa

- Zeno Zoldyck

- Silva Zoldyck

- Gotoh

- Kiriko

- Mike???

- Chrollo Lucilfer

- Kastro

- Feitan

- Phinks

- Franklin

- Bonolenov

- Omokage

- Uvogin

- Kortopi

- Razor

- Bloster

- Pokkle

- Meruem

- Shaiapouf

- Menthuthuyoupi

- Meleoron

- Welfin

- Cheetu

- Leol

- Zazan

- Koala

- Flutter

- Rammot

- Ikalgo

- Knuckle

- Shoot

Female:

- Alluka/ Nanika Zoldyck

- Biscut Krueger

- Neferpitou

- Cheadle Yorkshire

- Melody

- Palm Siberia

- Anita

- Ponzu

- Aunt Mito

- Kikyo Zoldyck

- Kalluto Zoldyck

- Amane

- Canary

- Tsubone

- Machi

- Shizuku

- Pakunoda

- Neon Nostrade

- Reina/ Shidore

- Komugi

- Hina

Mortal Kombat:

Male-

- Kung Lao

- Kenshi Takahashi

- Liu Kang

- Johnny Cage

- Bi-han

- Kuai Liang

- Raiden

- Rain

- Kano

- Smoke

- Shang Tsung

-Reptile

- Geras

- Jax

Female-

- Mileena

- Kitana

- Sindel

- Tanya

- Sonya Blade

- Cassie Cage

- Ashrah

- D'vorah

- Nitara

And these are whom I'm willing to make headcannons of. If you request any of these characters and I will happily make a headcannon of them as you request.

[wall-maria-fritz]

I always liked to think Marie was the driving force behind Nile.

Also, yes I still promise to update The Wingman 😭 Life is just crazy, pls be patient with me 🧡

But hey! I have other fics and artworks! Wanna check them out?

Maria’s Scribblings

Maria’s Art Masterlist

The Wingman (Erwin Smith x Marie)

[pockcock]

tw// scars mentionned.

Erwin is just so sensitive on his right arm after it got healed. Sometimes even the slightest touch of his shirt can make him hiss. It confuses him because it's not pain. But it's not pleasure too. Once in a while, he traces his scars with his fingertips, whenever his nails meet the crinkly tissue, his dick gets hard.

Oh it didn't took long for you to find this out.

"Y/N..." Erwin, the great commander of the Survey Corps. A legend, respected by many, he is the man after the god. Now he whines under your mercy, trembling and panting like a puppy. "P-Please!"

You lift your lips from his arm, there's a crimson mark on the inner side of his torn arm. "What's the matter, Commander?" You purr like a cat, sending shivers down his impossibly sensitive dick. You touch the tip of his beautiful cock with the tip of your fingers, the pink hue on his dick turned into maroon, tip shiny with the pearl-like precum oozing out. "What do you want?"

He gulps loudly, legs shaking under your touch. Pretty boy is so sensitive... "I-"

"Yes, Commander. Use your words." You scratch his legs, torturing him and making him jolt in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

"Please..." There are little beads of tear in the corners of his eyes, shining like little diamonds. You swipe your thumb on his cheek as the left one falls down. "I can't h-hold it. Can't take it..."

A pouty smile brushes your lips. "Aww, my pretty Commander..." Then it switches with a devilish grin. "You have to hold it a little longer." Your lips returned to their rightful place, onto the big scar under his arm. You suck, bite, kiss, lick. "I'm still not done yet."

Erwin thanks and curses the god, if she is there. He thanks her because only you can make him feel good about his arm, make him accept his arm. He curses because only you can turn him into a virgin-like whore. He clenches his muscles, trying to hold his cum in. It's too much, it's too much. It feels like a bomb ready to explode.

Soon, he growls as he paints you and him with white, thick ropes of cum. His stomach clenches, pretty muscles becoming harder than ever. He screams your name like a prayer, he doesn't care whether someone hears him. He is in heaven. And he falls, he falls into the brutal reality. He opens his eyes, teary and hazy with pleasure, he sees your disappointed figure.

"I had high hopes for you, Commander. Guess we have to start from scratch," you say after a sigh. "But let me tell you this." You grip his thick neck, too thick and big for your hands, you press down on his pulse, making him hiss in pleasure.

"You're going to hold that cum until I say so. You won't be cumming until I say so. I'll train you like a good puppy and I'll do it as long as it's needed."

@maries-gallery and @st-arlert because you have to see this >:(

[crazychaoticizzy]

Good Grief Part I

Erwin Smith X Reader

Sometimes, the things that seem good for us cause us the most grief, and that is why we should always think through our choices.

WARNINGS: this chapter is mostly fluff however the series is angst, canonverse, suggestive, fade to black, underage drinking, insta love, the opposite of a slow burn we went fast, teenage pregnancy, angst at the end, I think that’s it but let me know if I missed anything!

Word Count: 15.6k (i'm so sorry because it’s no where near over)

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You couldn’t find it in yourself to cry.

Here you were, standing beside your sister at your husband’s funeral and you weren’t crying.

The promise you made to yourself must have applied when he was dead, as well. You truly had no more tears to shed for this man.

You hold a poker face during the service, and when you go up to collect the folded flag and bolo tie that belonged to him, you bow your head and quietly thank Hange, the new commander.

Even Hange can see that you could care less.

You almost worry about how showing no emotion could change your reputation, but as you hand your daughter the things you were given and begin to wheel her to the side of the stage, you decide you don’t care.

You look out at the soldiers Erwin led with a blank face, showing no sympathy for your dearly beloved.

You wonder where it was that everything went wrong—where your marriage to the famous Erwin Smith began going downhill.

There are multiple points in time it could have started, you suppose. It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly when it was, since looking back he truly hadn’t changed like you claimed he had in your last argument.

Perhaps everything was set in motion as early as the night you met him . . .

—

It was a dangerously hot day, the hottest of the summer.

It was busy at the bar, which made an excessive amount of work for both you and your sister that neither of you wanted to do.

You spent your shift pushing forward, constantly keeping the thought of moving out and finding a different job as soon as you could in the back of your mind.

Sure, there was a certain charm to the family owned bar, but it always got so tiring. Patrons were nice enough when sober, but as soon as they had one too many drinks the groping and ogling would begin. Whether it be to employees or other customers, a woman was always getting catcalled.

Your sister, however, didn’t seem to mind it. In fact, Marie always continued work with a soft smile on her face no matter what happened. There would always be talk about how she would be the next to run the bar, as there was no son to inherit it. It made sense, for even when Marie seemed stressed she was always found serving drinks and food.

Sometimes, you thought the bar was her happy place.

You were just beginning to open a keg when he walked in, tall and blond and oh, so handsome. Your heart practically skipped a beat, and you swore you fell in love.

However ridiculous you believed love at first sight to be, there was no denying the attraction you felt toward him since the moment you laid eyes on him.

“Y/n, are you alright?”

You hummed, abruptly peeling your gaze away from the blond and turning to Marie. “What? Oh, yes. I’m fine.”

Marie raised a perfect eyebrow. “Sure? Because you’re spilling beer all over your skirt.”

A soft look of confusion crossed your face, and you started to deny her before you looked down, noticing the new wet spot on the side of your dress.

“Oh!” You flipped the switch on the keg, stopping the flow of alcohol. “Right.” You nervously chuckled, setting the cup you were filling on the counter and grabbing a few napkins. You lifted your skirt and attempted to clean it off, but to no avail. The patch barely dried and you knew it would be weeks before both the smell and the stain would come out.

You sighed, dropping your skirt and tossing the used napkins in the trash. “I’ll have to go change,” you quietly complained to yourself, looking over your skirt again.

Marie hummed, but she was distracted. Her gaze had moved toward the direction you were looking in before she caught your attention. When she saw the two boys (both cadets, they had told her. They came to the bar quite often), she smiled.

“Oh, one of them,” she said. Her smile and tone were suggestive, and you looked up curiously from the lilt in her voice.

“What? Who is them?” Your gaze moved out to the bar, searching through the crowded room of patrons before you found him again. He sat with who you could only assume was his friend at a table facing you. You stared at him for a moment, before quickly averting your eyes and pretending to look around when he moved his attention from his friend to you.

Marie gasped knowingly, holding a hand to her mouth in mock surprise. “It is. Which one?”

Marie moved her head to better see them, trying to puzzle out which it could be before you softly grabbed her by the jaw and turned her to face you.

“Don’t make it obvious!” you whispered. You let go of her face. “Now, can I borrow a dress? Mine are all hanging out to dry.”

You rolled your eyes at your own laziness, wishing at that moment you had done your laundry at an earlier time.

Marie hummed in thought, wondering if she had any clean clothing as well. Her eyes lit up, and she looked at you as she began filling a tray with mugs of alcohol.

“Yes, I do. On my dresser is a new one I bought set out—it’s like a cream color?”

You softly sighed. “I don’t want to be the first one to wear your brand new dress.”

“Well lucky for you, I bought it as a gift for you anyway.” Marie smiled sweetly, lifting the tray before balancing it on one hand and patting your head with the other. “Now go change. You don’t want to smell like alcohol more than you already do.”

You rolled your eyes, fixing whatever she might have done to your hair as you turned and walked up the stairs leading to your family’s living area.

You had lived in this place all fifteen years you had lived and not a single thing had changed. The bar was still downstairs, the slightly singed floral wallpaper your grandmother had bought from a burned down church long ago was still peeling, and the same photos as always had hung up. It brought a sense of comfort knowing that it was unlikely anything would change, but at the same time you felt bored. You wanted some variety.

You opened the door to Marie’s room, easily one of the most organized in the house, and found the sage dress she had been talking about.

You quickly changed, discarding the faded brown dress you had been wearing before on the ground. You kept the white blouse on underneath, slipping the silky green dress over your body.

Marie had really bought this for you? It was so nice, made of quality material and by a good brand. You even tugged on a seam to test it, as most clothing nowadays was flimsy and came apart with the slightest movement, but it didn’t budge.

You smiled, moving the sleeves of your blouse down your shoulders before looking in the mirror Marie had in the corner of her room.

Your smile grew giddy at the sight of yourself, and for the first time you felt pretty. It was the first time you had seen yourself smile with teeth, and you gave yourself a happy twirl in the new dress.

You happily hummed before picking up your soiled dress and taking it back to your room, randomly tossing it somewhere before walking back downstairs.

You still held that giddy smile on your face, feeling like nothing could ruin your mood.

And then you saw Marie talking with the blond boy you had been staring at. You softly nodded to yourself after a moment, accepting the fact that whatever chance you thought you might have had with him was now spoiled.

Sometimes you wished Marie wasn’t as pretty as she was, wasn’t as kind and welcoming as she was, because then maybe you would actually have a chance.

Normally, seeing her talk to someone so obviously in love with her never bothered you, but for some reason seeing the hearts in this blond boy’s eyes (and his friend’s, though you weren’t paying attention to him) had that giddy expression on your face disappear.

You shook your head, continuing to fill mugs with beer and various alcohol and serving waiting patrons.

“Where are you taking me?” you heard someone ask.

“I’m about to change your life.” Marie.

You turned, three mugs filled to the brim in your hand when you nearly ran into him. You caught yourself before the drinks could spill, but you noticed that he held both hands on the cups, steadying them.

“Oh, thank you,” you said, smiling as he moved his hands. You watched as he unknowingly flexed them, making the blue veins more prominent and his fingers look long and elegant and—

Dear lord.

“My sister.” Marie came up beside you, setting the drinks in your hand on the table and linking her arm with yours.

He practically towered over you, shoulders broad with bulk under the clothing he wore. Your mind wandered and for a brief moment you imagined his skin to be tanned and smooth under his shirt before you caught yourself from drifting too far. He smiles, taking your hand and bowing to brush a soft kiss against your knuckles.

“Erwin Smith,” he said, meeting your eyes before standing straight again. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You softly hummed, dumbly nodding as the already steaming temperature in the room rose.

You stared into his eyes for a moment—his gorgeous blue eyes the color of the endless sky. A soft glint enters them as he tilts his head, waiting for your response.

“Yes. Yes!” you said, as if realizing something as you removed your hand from his and unlinked your arm from Marie’s. “Likewise. Apologies, I’m . . . distracted.”

You watch as Marie slyly moves away, winking at you before taking the three drinks she placed on the table and continuing her work.

You made a mental note to have a small talk with her later.

“May I ask your name?”

You hummed, returning your gaze to his before fully processing his question. “Oh! Yes, sorry I should have led with that. Y/n L/n.”

You offered a shy smile, noticing an emblem on his jacket—two swords crossed in an X. You thought about what it might be for a second, and bowed. “And thank you for your service. I didn’t realize you were part of the training corps.”

Erwin softly chuckles as you straighten yourself out. “No, it’s alright. You are actually the first one to offer respect like that, Y/n.”

He said your name as if he was trying out the way it felt, softly smiling from the way it rolled off his tongue.

“Oh, well, I mean anyone in the military worked hard to get there, so . . .” You trailed off, thinking of what to say. “I suppose I personally believe they deserve the extra rations they get, so long as they aren’t lazy, you know?”

Erwin quirked a brow, giving you a curious look as if asking you to elaborate.

“I mean- I-I didn’t mean you, per say, but—” Your brain scrambled for words to say, hoping you hadn’t somehow offended him. 

Erwin chuckles, cutting you off. “No, no, it’s alright. I know what you mean.”

You softly smile, and suddenly the room heated up just a little bit more. “So, can I offer you a drink? Whiskey, beer, ale, water . . .”

And oh, the charming smile he gives you—tilted more to one side than it is the other and showing off his perfect teeth. “Will you sit and share a glass of water with me if I say yes?”

You bite the inside of your cheek, slowly nodding before going off to pour two glasses of water. You turn around, finding that Erwin had found the most quiet corner of the bar to sit in. He was staring at you shamelessly, lips curving up when you made eye contact with him. It made butterflies fly around in your stomach, and you tried your best to bite back a smile as you made your way to him.

You placed the glasses down, sliding onto the bench beside him.

“So, Y/n.” His smile widens as he says your name again. Your lips try curving up again, but you try so hard to hide it so it doesn’t seem like you’re easy. “Tell me about yourself.”

You lean forward, resting your arms against the table and propping yourself on your hand. “Like what?”

“Your favorite color. Things you like doing. What you think about the guy you just met.” You chuckle, making a certain glint come into Erwin’s eyes. This close, you can see a ring of brown in his irises that surrounds his pupils.

“How’s your day?” you ask instead of answering any of his inquiries.

“Much better now that I’m talking to a pretty girl like you.” You bite your cheek and glance away as your heart skips a beat. “What about yours?”

“Well, I’m talking to this insanely attractive guy, so I’d say pretty good.” You turn your gaze back to him, smiling when he laughs.

“What branch are you planning to join?” you ask after a moment, trying to keep any sort of conversation going.

“The Survey Corps,” he replies. He nods his head to his dark-haired friend, who was talking with Marie. “Nile over there wants to join as well. We’re hoping we can change the program together and get one step closer to saving humanity.”

You hum. It’s silent for another moment before he talks again, and that sparks a conversation. You sit there for what seems like hours, exchanging flirty banter and soft smiles. You would have continued, had it not been for your mom getting onto you for not working.

Regretfully, you and Erwin stand. You stack the two empty glasses as Erwin glances outside.

“I have to go as well, actually,” he softly says. He looks back at you, following as you walk back to the bar and put the cups in the sink. “Can I come see you again?”

You lean forward against the counter, softly nodding. “Of course. Just don’t let my parents see that emblem.” You nod your head to the crossed swords embroidered on the left of his jacket. “They actually hate whatever government we have and the choices they make, including the military.”

Erwin nods, standing straight and tapping the tips of his fingers against the wooden counter. “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

He watched as you leaned forward, falling into a bow and clasping your hands in front of your chest. “Thank you, again, for all your service.”

“If it takes risking my life for us to meet, it will have been worth it.” Erwin gave you a charming smile as he took your hand, softly kissing it again. Your lips curved up, love-struck as you watched him turn and walk back to his friend.

“So,” Marie dragged the word out, coming up behind you and draping her arm around your shoulders to lean against you.

You don’t answer, noting that Erwin pauses at the door and turns back to scan the bar. His eyes meet yours and he waves before closing the door behind him.

That small bit of eye contact leaves you breathless, and you can’t help but feel a bit childish at how easily smitten you were.

“Marie, that boy is mine,” you say, turning to her. The grin on your face is bright, lighting up the whole room and spreading from ear to ear. You don’t mean for your statement to mean anything malicious, only to tell Marie your intentions with a few words.

Marie gasped, jumping beside you in excitement. “Really? Oh, you must have really liked him.”

You nodded, and the two of you softly giggled and swooned for a few moments before your father got onto you for not working.

You had a smile on your face the rest of the night—a genuine smile that didn’t falter once.

—

Two days later Marie had discreetly given you a letter, an unusual thing, seeing as the only person that regularly received mail was your father.

Even more unusual than that, though, was the fancy wax seal and red rose tied to the envelope with twine.

When Marie had given it to you, she gave the slightest nod toward your room, and the two of you stepped inside.

She handed you the letter as she closed the door, leaving it open just a crack. You took the envelope with curiosity, untying the twine and holding the rose by its stem as you sat on your bed. You twirled it between your fingers, admiring it for a moment gently placing it beside you.

You glanced over the envelope for a hint of who it was from, finding no useful information except your name and address. You turned it over, running your index finger over the wax seal before carefully peeling it open.

You pulled the piece of paper inside out as Marie sat next to you, pressing her body into your side so she could read the letter over your shoulder.

Y/n,

I’m not sure how your family feels about you receiving letters, but I can only hope they won’t find out about this if they don’t like the idea of it. I didn’t put a return address on the envelope in the event your parents found this first, but here it is: ***** ******.

I sincerely hope you’re willing to exchange letters. I’d like to stay in touch with you even if I’m not at the bar with you. One of these days, though, I’m hoping to sweep you off your feet enough that you’ll agree to have me—and then I can be with you all you want.

I truly want to get to know you. You have stars in your eyes and I want to know what makes them so prominent. I want to know your passions and dreams. I want to have endless conversations with you and fantasize a future together where I am yours and you are mine.

I apologize if this is too soon to say anything like that, but I simply want to make my intentions with you clear. I hope we can see each other again soon. And if not, I hope you will at least send a letter back.

Yours truly,Erwin Smith

“Oh, Y/n,” Marie said, pulling away slightly and putting a hand to her heart. “That was the most beautiful letter I’ve ever read.”

You were smiling, so brightly it practically lit up the room as you turned the paper over, starting to reread it.

“Do you think he means it?” you ask, slightly in disbelief that Erwin was choosing you. Being as handsome and charming as he was, surely he was able to pull any girl he wanted.

“How could he not? He seems so infatuated with you.” Marie’s eyes glanced over the letter again. “Just be careful, he seems like the kind of guy willing to sacrifice everything to get what he wants.”

You nod. “I know. But I don’t think—”

“I’m only telling you, Y/n. I just don’t want you to get hurt, so be cautious.” Marie rests her head on your shoulder as she reads over the first couple sentences of the letter again, hand softly grazing your shoulder.

“I will be. You know how I am, Marie.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Marie lifts her head, grabbing the rose and holding it in front of you. “You’re not one to fall so easily. Or so you claim, at least, but with the way you’re swooning over Erwin right now says something different.”

She laughs as you playfully hit her shoulder, halfheartedly pushing you away to avoid any further hits.

“I’m joking! But I do want you to be careful. I don’t think you’ve ever been so . . . emotional over someone.”

You hummed, turning the thought over in your mind and wondering if this whole thing really was ridiculous. You always knew love at first sight could only end badly, but if that’s the case then why did you feel so light? So dizzying and happy and sunny . . .

Surely it couldn’t be all that bad, right?

“It’s alright, though,” Marie started, making you turn your gaze toward her, “because now we know he thinks the stars are in your eyes. And judging by his words he most definitely wants to-”

“Marie!”

You go to playfully hit her shoulder again, cutting off whatever suggestive thing she might have said, but she had already stood up and stepped away by the time you turned.

You chased her around your room, your dresses ruffling as laughter filled the air.

“Girls!” You had both collapsed on your bed, the letter hidden beneath it, when your mother opened the door and stood in the doorway. “Bar opens in five. Get ready.”

You nodded as Marie said, “Yes, ma’am.” When your mother left the two of you shared a glance, bursting into laughter before standing and making yourselves presentable.

You didn’t see Erwin that night, making you wonder if he truly wanted to sweep you off your feet and take you to a world you’ve never known before.

—

One week after that you and Erwin began exchanging letters as quickly as the postal service would allow. He came to the bar as often as he could to see you, but when he couldn’t he would send a beautifully written letter, promising paradise and a better life.

You swooned every time, rereading until you could recite every single word from memory. Erwin might as well have been building palaces and cathedrals with the way he wrote to you, so obviously enamored with everything about you.

Your mother and father, of course, would never approve. They didn’t want their daughters marrying a militiaman. And since Marie had been rather adamant and obvious about her interest in Nile, whatever slim chance you might have had with Erwin was gone.

But that didn’t stop the two of you from sneaking around whenever you could. Every chance Erwin got, he would come find you, whisking you away to a late night picnic in an overgrown garden or to stargaze just beyond the border of your town.

No matter how many times you went on the exact same date, too scared to do anything else in the daylight, you always treasured it.

“Y/n?”

You hummed in response, turning your head to face him. It was one of the nights you went stargazing, laying together in the soft meadow grass as you talked.

“I have to tell you something.”

You smiled, turning on your side and laying your head on your arm. “Okay, what is it?”

“I am in love with you.” Erwin softly grabbed your hand as your eyes widened in shock. He lifted your hand to his lips, pressing soft kisses to your fingertips. “So inexplicably in love with you that you are all I think about day and night. You have me smitten, Y/n, so much so that I’m willing to do anything to make you mine.”

He pressed your palm to his lips, closing his eyes as he left a lingering kiss.

“I don’t have much, if anything at all. I’m living on government funds and the only dollop of fame I’ll ever have is when I die, but I’m hoping that if you feel the same way those things won’t deter you.”

The both of you sit up, Erwin coming closer so he can softly cup your jaw. Your noses brush against each other, breaths mingling together from the closeness.

“I love you, Y/n.”

He presses his lips to yours, so lightly and brief you aren’t even sure if it counts as a kiss. He pulls away quickly, staring into your eyes for a moment before kissing you again—firmer and more self-assured this time.

You can tell it’s his first kiss because he doesn’t know how to do it, but you don’t put that against him because you don’t know how to kiss someone either. It wasn’t at all like the novels you sometimes read, the ones where first kisses were magical and perfect and almost always led to something more.

No, this kiss was not magical, or perfect, or even half decent. It was messy, full of awkward breaths and obvious inexperience. But this was your moment, and you wouldn’t dare change a single thing about it.

When you pull away you tell him that night that you love him, but you remind him again of your family’s distaste for military men. That gave him pause, but after a few moments he smiled.

“I’ll just tell them I’m a mercenary.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise, laughing. “A mercenary? How is that any better than a soldier? They’ll think you’re only using me for money.”

Erwin hums, softly tracing the line of your jaw and gazing into your eyes. “It’s not, but I’ll figure it out.”

You softly smile, leaning forward slightly. “We will figure it out.”

Erwin nods. “We will. And one day, we will have everything you could possibly wish for. I promise.”

He presses his lips against yours again, and you don’t think you’ve ever felt so happy or complete.

—

Work has always been so tiring—especially on nights like this when it was someone’s birthday and everyone flocked to the bar. You weren’t even entirely sure whose birthday it was, but they must have been popular for the bar to be this full.

You tirelessly went from table to table, refilling drinks and serving platters of whatever spare food you could scrape up. Glasses were shattered and you charged more to tabs in hopes of buying new ones. The amount of drunk older men that had suggestively grabbed your waist to slip behind you was worse tonight than it was most, and you had to remind them that you were fifteen more than you wanted.

You were exhausted. It was almost midnight on a Tuesday and there were still more patrons than you could keep track of. You kept messing up orders, and any other day you would have beaten yourself up about it, but you made an exception for yourself.

A hand ghosts across your arm, and you nearly jump and smack whoever had touched you before realizing it was Marie. She gives an innocent smile, holding her hands out to take the tray you hold in your hands.

“I got that,” she says. Instead of waiting for you to hand the tray over, she grabs it herself and nudges you with her shoulder. “Now go. Your lover is somewhere over there.”

She nods her head to the right and you turn, noticing that Erwin was sitting at a table with Nile and another girl. Nile and Erwin weren’t dressed in training attire, trying to blend in more. When Erwin glanced up and noticed you he smiled, standing up and meeting you halfway to the table.

He takes your hand, lifting it to his lips to leave a kiss on your knuckles. “Good evening, my love.”

You smile, readjusting your hands so your fingers are intertwined. “Morning, technically,” you say.

“Barely.” He softly laughs, leaning down to chastely kiss your lips. “It doesn’t matter. It’s still good because I get to see you.”

You smile, looking around to make sure no one is watching after he kisses you a second time. “Have you been waiting this entire time for me?”

Erwin shrugs, leading you back to the table Nile and the other girl sat at. “We only came about an hour ago. I didn’t want to bother you while you were working.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were here, but if I did I would have slipped away.”

Erwin shakes his head. “It’s alright. Besides, you’re very cute when you’re working.”

Your eyes widen, the room suddenly hot. He chuckles at your flustered expression, allowing you to slide onto the bench before him.

You end up across the girl. Her hair is dark and pulled back into a tight ponytail, and she wore a faded brown blouse and slacks. She wasn’t looking your way when you sat down, looking down at whatever she was writing, but then Erwin said her name and she glanced up, first at them then you. She smiled, straightening herself and adjusting the way she sat.

“Hi! Are you Y/n or Marie?” She seemed excitable, putting down her pencil and crossing her arms in front of her.

“Y/n. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You held out your hand for her to shake.

“Anastasia Brownfield.” She took hold of your hand, her fingers rough and calloused against your own. She gave a firm shake before withdrawing. “I’m part of the training corps with Erwin and Nile.”

So that’s how she knew them. You should have been jealous—you probably would have been if Erwin wasn’t looking at you the entire time Anastasia spoke. But the way she carried herself struck you as odd. She leaned against the table in a way that suggested her legs weren’t pressed together or crossed, and when a pretty girl passed by her gaze followed her and a small smile came to her face.

“She’s pretty,” she quietly mumbled, lifting her glass to her lips before looking back at you.

Anastasia continued the conversation like the two of you were old friends catching up. She was animated, moving her hands along to match with nearly everything she said, and got distracted easily. She could have been in the middle of telling a story before something she said reminded her of something else, the original tale forgotten about.

As she continued talking Erwin and Nile would cut in occasionally, and it felt like the four of you had known each other forever with the way you casually laughed and joked around.

Eventually, the bar started emptying out. You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you figured it would be smart for the three of them to leave before your parents found you slacking off.

Before he left, Erwin wrapped a hand around your waist and pulled you flush against him. He left a lingering kiss against your temple, quietly whispering, “I’ll see you later.”

He kissed your temple again before pulling away, winking as he followed Nile and Anastasia out. It left butterflies flapping in your stomach, their wings flapping and making you feel all giddy inside.

When you finally gather yourself you continue what you had originally been doing, refilling glasses and washing empty ones.

Over and over again you did that. And you would continue to do that over and over again until the day came where you would be with Erwin, and maybe you would be washing the dishes together in your own house.

—

When Erwin told you that he would see you later, you did not expect to find him throwing small pebbles from the streets at your window to get your attention two hours later.

You had been blowing out the candles lighting your room when you heard the first plink! You paused, looking around before shrugging it off and continuing getting ready for bed.

Plink!

You looked around again, glancing out your window and waiting for the sound again.

Plink!

Your brows furrowed in confusion. You took a match from its box, striking it to relight a candle and cautiously walking toward the window.

You look out, unable to see anything through the reflection of the light. You rest the candle on the windowsill, unlatching the lock and opening the window to look around.

You see him standing across the street. It’s too dark to see his expression, but you imagine he’s smiling.

Erwin crosses the street, face being lit by whatever dim light was still on in the spot below yours.

“What are you doing?” you ask quietly, a chuckle in your voice. “Erwin, do you know how late it is?”

“I said I would see you later.”

You can hear the smile in his voice, and your lips curve up. “I wasn’t expecting you to throw rocks at my window. What if it wasn’t the right one?”

“I would have ran if someone caught me.” You softly chuckle, leaning against the windowsill. “Sprinted away and returned tomorrow.”

“Erwin, do you know what this could do?”

“Nile and Anastasia have me covered. And even if I get caught, I don’t mind being punished by the higher ups. As long as I get to be with you, my love.”

That made you smile, because you knew how important it was to him that he get perfect scores on nearly everything, including his discipline record. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Well the chances of getting caught are increasingly higher if I stay out here.”

You can barely see a mischievous smile on his face. You playfully roll your eyes, pulling away from the window. “Give me a moment. Wait at the door.”

You don’t see his reaction because you close the window, latching it closed before grabbing a robe from your desk chair. You shrug it on, tying the belt around your waist as you walk across your room to the door. You slowly open it, looking out to make sure no one was awake before quietly stepping into the hallway.

You walked cautiously, testing the floor to make sure it didn’t creak before continue with every step. You made sure to skip the third stair from the top of the staircase, because that step always created a deafeningly loud screech and alerted everyone that someone was leaving or entering the living room.

You finally allow yourself to breaths when you step off the final stair. No one will be able to hear you, so you’re less paranoid and take less careful steps.

You place the candle on the table closest to the door, looking back to make sure no one was awake and following you before beginning to unlock the door and opening it, slowly to make sure its hinges don’t squeak.

You watch Erwin push himself away from the wall, standing straight to face you. The both of you exchange a smile, and you open the door wider so he can step inside the bar.

You close the door and turn back to him, watching in awe for a moment as he looks around at the silence of the bar.

You step toward him, softly brushing your hands together to get his attention. He looks down, smiling.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi yourself.” You’re not sure what it is, but something about the dreamlike candlelight makes you lean forward to kiss him, standing on tiptoes to reach his lips. You leave a chaste peck on his lips, pulling away with a small smile.

“Why didn’t you tell me you meant tonight?” you ask, taking his hand and leading him to the stairs. “I would have prepared better.”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

You smile, motioning for him to pause just before the door leading upstairs. You opened it, looking around to make sure everyone was still in their rooms before beckoning Erwin in. You held a finger to your mouth as the two of you tiptoed to your room.

You quietly close the door behind you, listening for a moment before you turn toward Erwin and take a couple steps toward him.

“So,” you drag the word out, folding your hands behind your back as you step closer to him. “Is there a reason you came by so late?”

You softly laugh, looking up at him and his blue eyes and his sharp cheekbones.

“I just wanted to spend time with you, my love.” Erwin smiles, making butterflies fly around in your stomach. You try to hide your gleeful smile, but end up failing.

“That’s what our dates are for.”

“No, I mean, just us. Away from watching eyes. Just me and you, Y/n. I don’t want to have to worry about sneaking around on the streets tonight.”

You softly hum, hands gently entwining with his as you gaze into his eyes, so bright and clear like a cloudless sky.

“That sounds nice.”

Erwin’s lips slightly curve up, one hand entwined with yours as the other slowly grazes along your arm and shoulder. His fingertips softly caress your jawline, slightly tilting your head up.

“I got you something.”

Your eyes slightly widen in surprise, more focused on the touch of his hands than his words. “Really?”

He nods, removing his hand from your face and reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a small, black box, slipping it into your hands.

“It’s not much, but I thought you’d like it.”

You tear your eyes away from his, glancing down at the small box in your hands. It’s made of wood, sanded to perfection and smooth beneath your fingers.

“What is it?” you softly ask, looking up at him as you open the box. He doesn’t respond, only smiling as you return your gaze to the opened box and let out a soft gasp. “Erwin? Is this . . .”

You trail off, looking up at him again and watching as he slowly bows down on one knee in front of you.

“It is. Y/n, you truly are the love of my life. You make me want to do anything I can to make you happy and satisfied. I want us to build a future we can love together, but I can only hope you share these dreams with me. So, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” you breathed. You nodded, hiding your giddy smile behind your hand as Erwin stood back up. He gently took the box out of your hand, slipping the ring inside onto your finger before tucking the box back into his pocket.

It was a simple band made from iron, the unrefined surface polished and cleaned. It was a cheap ring, something anyone could buy with spare pocket change if they so wanted, but it was yours. Erwin had picked it out just for you, and while it wasn’t anything special, you wouldn’t change a single thing about it.

You look back up at his eyes, wrapping your arms around him. “Thank you, my love. It’s beautiful, and I can’t wait to be married to you.”

He smiles, sliding his hands under your robe and around your waist to pull you closer. “I’ll get you a better ring when I have the money. A proper engagement ring like you deserve.”

You hum, foreheads pressing against each other and noses brushing together. “You don’t have to. What you’ve given me is already more than I want.”

His lips barely grazed yours, almost as if he was asking permission to kiss you. “I want to give you everything. Everything you’ve ever wanted will be yours, darling. I promise you that.”

“What about a kiss?” You pull away slightly to look up at him through your lashes, blinking innocently. “Please?”

Erwin lets out a breathy chuckle, pulling you back against him. “How could I say no?”

His lips press against yours, more practiced than the first time but still unsure. You hum into the kiss, gliding the tips of your fingers over the back of his neck until you can thread them through his hair.

He pulls you as close as he possibly can, your bodies flush against each other as you share the passionate kiss. He unties the belt around your waist, sliding the robe off your shoulders slow enough that you can protest whenever you want.

You don’t. You let the robe fall on the ground, hands sliding down his chest.

You softly gasp as his hands move down, ghosting over the curve of your hips before he tentatively lifts you up.

The kiss breaks, and you look at him curiously as he steps closer to your bed.

“Erwin?” you quietly ask as he places you down on the edge of the bed.

“We won’t do anything unless you want to,” he whispers. He leans forward, touching his forehead to yours. “I just want to be with you.”

You softly nod, wrapping your arms around him as you kiss again. You gently lay on your back, breathing heavily as Erwin crawls on top of you.

He kisses you again, once very quickly on the lips before he begins trailing kisses down your jaw. “Do you want to?”

“We have to be quiet,” you say, letting out a soft breath.

“That’s not what I asked. I asked if you wanted to do this.”

You pause for a moment, hesitating before you nod.

“Are you sure?”

You nod again, more sure of yourself before you rethink and shake your head. “Not yet.”

Erwin smiles against your neck, leaving one last lingering kiss before he pulls away. “Okay.” He lays down beside you, eyes following the outline of your silhouette as he pushes a strand of hair away from your face.

Your face paints itself into a smile, and you turn on your side so you can face him better. You take hold of his hand, gently rubbing circles across his knuckles with your thumb.

Erwin lifts your hand to his lips, kissing your fingers. “I love you.”

You softly hum, scooting closer to him and wrapping your arm around him. “I love you, too.”

He lets go of your hand, wrapping both arms around your figure and pulling you closer to him.

“I have to leave soon,” he says, which is the most tragic part about this entire thing. The time you spend together is fleeting, and you feel as if the two of you spend more time watching the clock than enjoying each other.

“I know,” you say quietly, trailing off slightly. “I don't want you to.”

Erwin nods, planting a kiss to the top of your head. “I know you don’t, but I have to, my darling. I swear that one day you’ll have me all to yourself.”

You softly sigh, closing your eyes. “When will that be?”

“Now that you’re my fiancée, hopefully soon.” Erwin takes a deep breath, relishing in the smell of your hair. “Your parents would never approve of this. I’d like to win their favor first.”

“I wish they didn’t hate the military so much. Then we could be more public about this.”

“One day soon, Y/n. If there is one promise I swear to fulfill, it is that.” Erwin presses his lips against the top of your head again, holding them there.

“Stay,” you whisper. “Please. Just for a bit longer.”

He hums into your hair. “A couple more minutes.”

You nod, hugging him tighter and pulling him closer.

The two of you chastely lay together in silence, the soft sound of Erwin’s heartbeat being the only thing you hear. He plays with the ends of your hair, face pressed into your locks as you begin subconsciously counting how many times his heart beats until you forget what number you were on and have to restart.

Erwin doesn’t leave while you’re awake. He stays beside you, holding you against his body and basking in your presence the same way you bask in his.

You fall asleep in his arms, unsure of how long he was with you or if he even stayed.

—

You awoke the next morning to the sound of your door slamming shut.

You immediately sat up, looking around for a moment while you gathered yourself and fully woke up. Erwin was gone, your bedsheets were rumpled and your breath was stale. You yawned, and almost laid back down before you heard glass shatter.

“Get out of my house, you goddamn military mutt!”

Fuck.

You jumped out of bed, legs getting caught in the blankets, and stumbled across the room. You untangled your legs as you moved, reaching to open your bedroom door.

“Dad? What-”

“You want to tell me why he was in your room this morning?”

You paused, frozen in the doorway to your bedroom as you processed his words. Your eyes darted around the living room, finding Erwin standing against the wall. His hair was a mess, blond strands falling onto his forehead.

Your eyes widen, and you immediately try to calm whatever anger your father was feeling. “Dad, it’s not what you-”

“Bullshit!” You flinched back, the resounding sound of your father’s voice bouncing off the walls. “He was in your room this morning so obviously you’re sneaking around like a whore!”

“I-I’m not! We didn’t even do anything. Please, I-”

He slapped you then, a loud, striking sound that seemed to echo in the room.

Time seemed to freeze with you. You heard ringing, turning your head to face your father. Except when you turned back, your mother held a firm grip on his arm and pushed him away from you. She said something you didn’t hear, the words muffled and muddled together, before she turned to Erwin.

“Out,” she said, pointing to the door. Erwin moved without a word or complaint, glancing back at you once before he closed the door to the bar behind him.

Your mother took a deep breath, sniffing. She blew out an exasperated breath and turned toward you.

She looks just like Marie. The same brown hair and eyes and faint splay of freckles across her cheeks. You could see the dark circles under her eyes, even in the dim light of the early morning.

She stared at you in silence, arms crossed and eyes pensive. She looked at the ground after a moment, softly shaking her head.

When she looked back up at you her warm eyes were colder than ice.

“How could you?” Her voice was unwavering and assertive, making you feel small and unimportant. You would have crawled back to your room if she wasn’t staring you down. You hear your father breath out and notice him stepping into another room to collect himself.

Your mother sighed again, walking to the couch and sitting on the edge. She ran both hands through her hair and leaned back. “You let him into your room. You let that government pawn into your room to do God knows what to you.”

“That’s not-”

“Your father and I raised you better. We have been lenient in letting you and Marie hang around them, but now you go and spread your legs for someone that’ll tire of you as soon as he gets promoted.”

“Mom, no, we didn’t-”

“He doesn’t love you-”

“He does!” You’re surprised at yourself for a moment, standing in stunned silence for only a second before continuing. “He loves me, Mom. And I love him. And-And we’re going to get married.”

She stared at you, not allowing any hint of what she was thinking or feeling to show on her face. She eventually closes her eyes and breathes out through her nose, rubbing her forehead. “You’ve hardly known him a month-”

“You and dad got married after one week of knowing each other.”

“It was different then, Y/n,” she snaps, harshly glaring at you. “Everything was different when your father and I got married.”

“You only got married because you were gonna have Marie,” you mutter. You had meant for it to be a thought, even a whisper quiet enough you could barely hear it. But it slipped out louder than you intended, making your mother snap her mouth shut. You’re left staring at each other, almost to see who backs down first.

“Mom, please just give him a chance. I promise he’s not what you think,” you say.

“We gave him a chance and look what happened!” Your mother threw her arm out, motioning to your room and the general situation. “He’s a teenage boy, Y/n. He’s too young to know what he wants to commit to. You know better than to give yourself to the first boy that gives you attention-”

“It’s not just attention! I’m not mistaking attention for love. He wants me and he wants me to be happy and he wants to build a life together.”

Your father comes back out then. He takes slow steps to the couch, sitting down with your mother.

It’s completely silent as he does. You find yourself wondering where Marie is while your parents wordlessly communicate. You stare at a spot on the wall opposite from you until your dad sighs, and you turn your gaze to him.

“Y/n, we just want what’s best for you. We were young once, too and we regret some of the choices we made.” He clasps his hands together, leaning forward against his knees. “We don’t want you making a life changing mistake like this. You’ll find someone better suited to be a husband in the future. A military man can’t give you what you want.”

“I don’t want another man. I want Erwin. He’s everything I want, dad.”

Your father sighs, running a hand through his graying hair. It’s obvious he’s conflicted. He wants you to do whatever makes you happy, but he knows big decisions like this have consequences.

“You don’t have to give us your blessing,” you softly say. “We can get married on our own and get out of your hair. You won’t have to see us again.”

“Y/n, we never said we wanted you to leave. We just want you to think this through.”

You’re silent, feeling like a scolded child because you have thought it through. This is what you want to be happy.

You wait until your parents tell you to go before walking to your room. You close the door behind you, sliding down against it until you sit on the floor with your legs pulled against your chest.

You stare off into space, your mind noisy with all the thoughts running through it. You aren’t even sure what half of them are, but you’re positive of one thing.

You want to marry Erwin Smith, and you will do whatever you can to make that dream your reality.

—

Over the course of the next month, you work tirelessly; doing anything for tips and helping out wherever you go to the market during the day for extra cash.

Both Erwin and Nile had been banned from the bar. At first you didn’t take it seriously, but any thoughts you had of sneaking either of them in were quickly dismissed when your father shot at them with his musket, just barely missing their heads.

You’re not sure if it was just a scare tactic your father had used to force you to think over your decision. But needless to say, you had learned a more discreet way to communicate so you didn’t get caught. You found out that Anastasia came through quite often to visit her family. Neither of your parents knew she was in the military, so she was the messenger between you and Erwin. 

The two of you would meet in the market as often as you could. She would give you the letters he had written and she would deliver yours to him. It wasn’t the best method, but it was the best you could do.

You hid every single letter you received, storing them in an old tin box that used to house cookies. The box was hidden under your bed, concealed by your blanket the majority of the time. Any time you felt lonely you would bring it out, looking through each letter and being reminded of what you’re working towards.

You hadn’t told Erwin about the choice you made, because if you did he would tell you he wasn’t worth it and convince you to stay with your family. And it would have worked because God he could convince you of just about anything.

You had begun devising a plan. Since Erwin had chosen to join the Scout regiment while the two of you were apart, the letters became less frequent and more like an unexpected gift each time you received one. You had started planning what days he would have off, which days he would be able to travel to you and sweep you off your feet.

You decided November fourth, because that was the start of a mandatory military break given due to Erwin’s commander sustaining a severe injury outside the walls. 

Over the course of the next two months you save money, picking up whatever odd jobs you could and selling what you wouldn’t need in the near future. You stored your savings in a can that used to be filled with rationed corn, hiding it in plain sight.

Early on November third, you packed a bag and spent most the day writing letters to your parents and Marie. You asked in the letter if Marie would be your maid of honor if she could find time off, and hid everything behind your open bedroom door during the day.

The work day dragged on, and you found yourself asking for the time every couple seconds to see if it had moved any faster. The minutes seemed like hours, and you swear the hours took longer to pass. Every time you looked out the window the sun still shone bright, as if it was mocking you from the sky.

Even when the moon came out you still had to wait. 

You might as well have waited a lifetime, because as soon as the bar closed you feigned exhaustion and retreated to your room to make sure you had everything ready to leave. You reread the letters before sealing them in their envelopes and waited even longer.

It was nearly dawn when the house finally quieted down and you could sneak out. You were honestly exhausted, and could barely keep your eyes open, but now was your only chance. If you didn’t leave now, you wouldn’t be able to when everyone wakes up.

You tiptoed out of your room, leaving the first letter to your parents on the kitchen counter. Then you moved to Marie’s room, where you heard quiet whispering from inside.

You paused to listen for a moment, hearing the cadence of Nile's voice but not recognizing anything they said.

You slid the letter to Marie under her door before rushing out of the house and bar forever.

You didn’t look back. Not once did you even think about it.

You found yourself waiting in the market, placing your suitcase down and patiently sitting on it as you waited.

The sun had risen and four merchants had opened up shop by the time you saw Erwin, handsome as ever and looking around eagerly, hopefully searching for you. Someone followed him, and you recognized her dark hair.

Anastasia looked around as well, smiling and pointing to you when she spotted you. She said something to Erwin, making him turn his head in the direction she’d pointed in.

You stood, running up to Erwin when a look of recognition crossed his face. He moved faster, scooping you up and spinning you around when you got close enough.

You were elated, heart beating quickly from being held so close. You could feel his warmth despite the layers of clothing he wore. You squeezed him tighter, taking in his smell, his presence, his arms around you, his body.

“You bulked up a bit,” you said, face pressed against his shoulder.

“Survey Corps,” he simply said. He pressed his lips against the side of your head. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“I love it. I love you.”

You felt him smile against your hair, and it was just another moment where it was just the two of you in the universe before you heard someone clear their throat.

“People are watching, guys,” Anastasia said. “Wasn’t the whole point of this for people not to know?”

Erwin carefully placed you back on the ground, hand on your waist to keep you close. “Yeah, you’re right.” He let out a heavy breath, looking down at you. “Your parents are really okay with this?”

You nodded. “They gave us their blessing.” And you felt so bad for lying. But this is what you wanted. You wanted Erwin and nothing else.

Erwin nods again, clearly slightly nervous about the whole situation. “Anastasia, you said you knew somewhere we could stay for a bit?”

Anastasia gave a thumbs up, and it was then that you noticed she carried your suitcase in one hand. “Yup. My uncle’s house is only a couple blocks down from here. He has a spare room the two of you can stay in until you leave.”

“And he can officiate marriages, right?” you asked, holding your hand out in an offer to take back your bag.

Anastasia nodded as she handed your suitcase to you. “Yes. It’s a cheap piece of paper, but yes, he can legalize marriages.”

She had told you all about that. She’d mentioned that her uncle wanted to discreetly marry same sex couples without judgment, so he bought an officiant license to do just that. She had said it multiple times, actually. Sometimes twice every time you asked, but you just had to make sure one more time.

“Alright, lovebirds, let’s go.” Anastasia nodded to the right, readjusting the hat on her head before she began walking.

You and Erwin followed behind her, silently talking amongst yourselves.

At least, you would have been doing that. But something in the air had changed around you and you didn’t talk. There was a kind of weight, seemingly holding you back from speaking a word to each other as you followed Anastasia.

The house she led you to was cramped. It was a small living space made for two people at most, not the five that would be staying.

Anastasia walked up a flight of stairs, telling you and Erwin to stay downstairs until she comes back. You notice for the first time as she motions to chairs that she’s missing both her left ring and pinky fingers.

She walks up the stairs, leaving you and Erwin awkwardly standing there.

You turned to Erwin when his knuckles brushed against yours and he linked your pinkies. He wordlessly led you to one of the couches, sitting down with you. You smiled at him, the two of you doing nothing but stare at each other for a moment.

“Hi,” he said. He smiled, big and wide and showing off his perfect teeth.

“Hi yourself.” You felt butterflies staring at him again, especially being this close. It was the closest you had dared be in broad daylight, and something about not having to hide from the light made your stomach flip.

“How’s it been with your parents?”

“Good,” you said. “The bar’s doing good.”

You didn't elaborate, leaving the two of you in a moment of silence.

“How is it with the Scouts? Are you enjoying it?”

Erwin nodded, leaning back against the couch, crossing his legs at the ankles and resting his arm against the back behind you. “Yeah, it’s fine. Nile and I were supposed to join together, but he, uh,” Erwin paused, thinking about his next words. “He ended up joining the Military Police.”

“Why?” You turned slightly, moving to see him better.

You saw him bite the inside of his cheek in thought. He clicked his tongue. “Marie. He . . . He wants to protect her.”

You hum, slowly nodding. “So he wants to go to the innermost wall where it’s safest.”

“Yeah.” Erwin blew out a breath, moving his hand to softly grab yours. “But it’s going well. Anastasia and I were assigned to the same captain, so we’ll be working together more.”

“Have you gone out yet?”

He shakes his head. “Not far. We went out once and attracted Titans so we had to turn back. We lost a couple people.”

It’s silent for a moment. Erwin runs his thumb across your hand, turning the cheap iron ring around your finger.

“I’m glad you made it back.”

He hums, and the silence returns. It borders the line of being uncomfortable and acceptable, and you can’t quite tell which it’ll fall into.

It seems like an eternity until you hear voices. Anastasia and a man that must have been her uncle come bounding down the stairs.

“Okay, guys. This is my Uncle Henry. He’s the one officiating your marriage.” Anastasia motions to the man beside her, and he smiles and bows his head.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you two. I assume you’re wanting to spend some time alone beforehand, correct?” He pauses for a moment, waiting for one of you to nod before continuing. “Well, we have your room ready. It’s pretty cramped, but hopefully you don’t mind.”

Henry smiles, and you graciously thank him before he leads you to said room. He was right—it’s very cramped. There’s hardly room to walk around the bed, but you and Erwin manage.

Henry leaves you to your own devices, closing the door behind him.

Something about not having to sneak Erwin into the room made it feel different. It wasn’t stolen kisses and whispered words anymore—this time people knew he was with you. Alone. Unaccompanied and unsupervised.

You didn’t know what to do with yourself.

You both awkwardly stood in the doorway after Henry left. You held your suitcase close to your body, arms glued to your sides in an attempt to make yourself as small as possible as you took in the room.

The bed is pressed against the wall, a window with streaming rays sitting to its left. The walls are cream, evidence of a child drawing on the wall beneath the window.

Your fingers lightly tapped against the handle of your bag. You looked down, glancing at Erwin through your peripheral.

The silence was unbearable, so thick you could cut it with a knife, but you didn’t know what to say.

You lifted your head and watched as Erwin strolled further into the room, placing his suitcase down on the side of the bed closest to the window. He takes off his coat, undoing the cufflinks holding the fabric around his wrists together.

“At least we’re finally alone together. Now we can be as loud as we’d like.” Erwin smirks as your eyes widen and he pushes his sleeves up his forearms. He stepped back in front of you, brushing your hands together so he could take your suitcase.

“Let me take that,” he whispers. When you let go of your luggage’s weight, he leans forward, softly pressing his lips to yours.

“I missed you,” you say against his lips.

Erwin hums, breaking the kiss for just a moment to put your bag on the ground before he kisses you again. He lifts you up as you wrap your arms around him. You softly gasp, holding onto him tighter.

“Is this okay?” he mumbles as he walks over to the bed. He gently sits you down, kneeling and pressing his forehead against yours. “Please tell me if you want this.”

You think for a second, thinking back to weeks ago when he initially asked you that and you said no. You don’t feel the same as you did then. You don’t feel as if you were just supposed to say yes out of obligation. Now you want to say yes.

You nod.

“Are you sure?” Erwin’s breath is heavy, his lips ghosting over your own.

“I’m sure.”

His eyes scan your expression for a moment. When he sees that you are beyond a doubt positive of your decision, he kisses you again.

You hum and softly thread your fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp as he pulls away and begins trailing kisses along your jaw.

“You’re beautiful.” He left a lingering kiss beneath your ear as his hands slowly traveled along your body, his fingers tracing your waist.

You smile, eyes closed as Erwin slowly undoes the laces of your corset. You don’t stop him, and when he asks if what he’s doing is okay you nod and politely urge him to continue.

The laces are halfway undone when you hear a faint knock on the door. The two of you freeze, waiting a moment before you hear the knocking again.

“Y/n? I know you’re in there.” Anastasia.

“What is it?” you ask. Erwin lets out a heavy breath, pressing his forehead against your shoulder.

“We said we’d go out and get stuff, remember? Like flowers or something, I dunno.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, turning your head to face the ceiling because yes, you had agreed to do that. But that was before you were held in Erwin’s arms again.

“Is it possible to move it to later?”

“Not really. There’s like, a thing. And another thing. And one more thing that’s kind of important.”

You sighed at Anastasia’s vagueness. Now you were aware that she had brewed up some sort of scheme, and you weren’t entirely sure how comfortable you were with it.

“Listen if you don’t respond I’m coming in,” Anastasia says after it had been quiet too long. You heard the doorknob turn.

“No!” both you and Erwin call out. He had lifted his head from your shoulder and turned to look at the door.

“Knew it. You two were getting down and dirty in there. And before you’re even married. The scandal.” You heard Anastasia quietly snicker as Erwin sighed, leaning against his arm and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“She’ll be out in a minute,” Erwin says. He uses a commanding tone that makes you feel hot. The hand he holds on your thigh scorches your skin through the fabric of your skirt, and when he starts drawing small circles with his thumb you almost melt.

“Okay . . .” Anastasia draws out the word. “I’ll be waiting in the lobby.”

You hear her footsteps retreat, and when you’re sure she’s completely gone you groan and fall back onto the bed.

“I’m sorry,” you say, running your hands over your face. “I completely forgot about that.”

Erwin chuckles, the bed quietly creaking as he stands up. He gently grabs your hands, pulling you so you stand in front of him. He moves your hair out of your face, saying, “It’s alright, darling. We can always do it later.”

He laughs when your eyes widen in shock. He kisses your forehead before he pulls away, letting go of you.

“I’ll see you later.” He smiles, watching as your hands redo the laces on your corset.

“I love you,” you say. You reach the door, placing your hand on the doorknob and turning back to him.

He had seated himself back on the bed, leaning back with his legs crossed. smiled when you said those words, tilting his head up.

“I love you, too.”

You close the door behind you, going back downstairs to join Anastasia on whatever little adventure she had planned.

As it turns out, that adventure was simply finding pretty flowers, Marie and Nile. All three things were in the central market, and all together. Marie and Nile had been looking at a flower booth, picking out hydrangeas and roses.

Marie had smiled when she saw you. She embraced you in a tight hug, saying something about how proud she was that you had started paving your own path.

She looped her arm around yours and did not let go. It wasn’t long until the four of you returned to Henry’s house. Flowers were put into vases and placed around the living room, and soon enough you were shoved into another room to get ready. 

—

You slowly blew a breath from your lips, eyes flitting around the room without giving a single object more than a fleeting glance. Your fingers tapped against the stem of the already wilting flowers in your hands, and you had started clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

“Will you calm down? You’re giving me anxiety,” Marie said, softly laughing at the sidelong glance you gave her. “I’m kidding. But seriously, why are you so nervous? It’s not like Erwin suddenly ran away, he’s right out the door and down the stairs if you would just open the goddamn door-”

“I’m not opening the door,” you say. You take another deep breath, straightening your back and rolling your shoulders. “What if he sees me and decides he doesn’t want to be married? Mom and Dad would never take me back into the family, what would I do if that happens-”

Marie put her hands on your shoulders, softly shaking you. “Y/n. Erwin stayed after almost being shot at when Mom and Dad kicked him out. And when that happened, your hair was half-done and you were wearing a robe and he still blew you a kiss. I sincerely doubt he’s going to leave, especially with you wearing that and looking as pretty as you do.”

She fixes the sleeves of your cream dress—the same one you wore the night you and Erwin met.

“What if he has second thoughts?”

Marie blew a breath through her nose, holding you by the arms again. She stared at you, her brown eyes a passage into her soul and deepest thoughts.

“I promise you he won’t. Nile and Anastasia both say he doesn’t shut up about you when they hang out. They’re tired of hearing it.” Marie laughs, looping her arm through yours. “Nothing will go wrong. I promise. And if it does, I will take Dad’s musket and shoot Erwin myself.”

Her threat makes you snort, and you bring a hand up to cover your mouth as you laugh. Marie smiles beside you, taking a deep breath before placing a hand on the doorknob.

“Ready?”

You inhale, holding the breath as you nod. Just on the other side of this door is your future. Your entire world is standing just outside and waiting for you.

You can feel your heart beating, can hear the throbbing of it in your ears. A chill runs down your spine, making you wonder where all these nerves suddenly came from.

“I’m ready.”

Marie smiles, mouthing something you didn’t catch before pushing the door open.

Marie led you down the hallway, stepping in front of you to go down the stairs first. She waits for you at the bottom, taking your arm as you descend the stairs.

You look around the living room and take everything in. Nothing had changed, but somehow the flowers make the room seem more alive and vibrant.

And then your eyes land on Erwin, and the breath you had been holding gets released. Tall and blond and still oh, so handsome—just like the night you met him.

He smiles when he sees you, because he just can’t believe he managed to make you fall in love with him. You were ethereal to him, your smile alone radiant enough to light the entire world.

Nile and Anastasia both sit in wooden chairs, both dressed nicer than usual and smiling as they watch their friends.

When you finally take Erwin's hands it feels like you’re on top of the world. You want everything to stop for just a second so you can enjoy this moment longer. You exchange your vows and promises to each other, and it’s everything you could have wished for and more.

And then you kiss and god it’s just pure magic. You don’t think there’s ever been a moment in history where someone was happier than you were as you kissed your new husband.

You and Erwin pulled away for just a second before you kissed again, this time wrapping your arms around each other. You heard Anastasia whistle, saying, “Aye, hands to yourselves, guys. Save that for the bedroom.”

It makes you pull away from Erwin to laugh, leaning against him as he holds you close. 

The rest of the evening is filled with laughter. The six of you all enjoy each other’s company, getting to know each other more and more.

You and Erwin cling to each other, always touching in some way and never letting the other out of sight.

And it translates well later, when Marie and Nile have left and Anastasia and Henry have gone to bed. It leaves you and Erwin as the only ones away, sharing slow, sensual kisses as you slowly undress and touch each other. 

—

Golden rays streamed through the windows, creating an ethereal, early morning glow around everything.

You shared whispered words with Erwin, talking about where you should move to. You couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful man in front of you, your husband. The entire situation was dreamlike with the way Erwin was backlit from the sun. It created a glow around him that made you believe he might be an angel, highlighting his blue eyes.

“Where do you think we should go?”

“Maybe Trost. We passed through it on our last expedition. It’s a nice place, good people.”

You hummed, fidgeting with Erwin’s fingers as you thought. God, you could not look away from his face. The curve of his nose was beautiful, and the tilt of his lips when he noticed you staring was just so alluring.

“What are you thinking about?” he softly asks, not wanting to disturb the atmosphere around you two.

“Just you.” You smiled, quietly laughing when he wrapped an arm around your bare waist and pulled you flush against him. “And us.”

“What about us?” He nudged his nose against yours, lips just barely ghosting each other.

“Just our future. Where we’ll end up.” You let out a soft breath and closed your eyes, content with everything you have now. “When do you leave?”

“Three days.” Erwin sighed, pressing his forehead against yours. “And then I’m gone for about three weeks.”

You hummed, expression slightly faltering. But you weren’t sad. You knew that marrying him meant you would be alone more often than not. You had prepared yourself for this.

“Okay. Maybe I can start a business or something in that time. Just something for us to have a little extra money. I can make clothes,” you said.

Erwin smiled at your response, lightly tracing your spine with his fingertips. “I’ll be back for a few weeks after, though. We can be together more then.”

Your lips curve up, and you finally drew your gaze away from his to tuck your head where his neck met his shoulder. You left a soft kiss on his collarbone, letting out a satisfied breath as you basked in his presence.

“When should we start going?” you ask. “To Trost, I mean.”

“You want to go to Trost?”

You nod. “Why not? You said it seemed like a good place, so let’s go there.”

Erwin’s fingers softly tapped against your back. After a moment he stopped, instead splaying his hand across the small of your back and pulling you as close as possible.

“We should probably go before I leave, then. I don’t want you here for three more weeks, but I want to experience this first with you.” His face pressed against the top of your head, and he took a deep breath before continuing. “I want us to be a happy family.”

You smile. “We are a happy family. And we’ll be even happier as time goes on.”

And you were. You spent the rest of the day with Anastasia and her uncle before you left for Trost.

It was almost overwhelming. You realized as you looked for an available house that you truly had no idea how to be an adult and do these things, but it’s lucky that Erwin was there because he managed to figure it out and buy a lovely little house at the edge of the district.

You go out and find vendors that sell fabric after that, hoping to find a few pieces that you can hopefully make into clothing and sell. When you got back home he helped the two of you get settled down, and you made love once more in your new house before he had to leave.

You send him off with a passionate kiss, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down to your level. You make him promise to return to you alive and in one piece before kissing him again.

And then he leaves, and you’re left in your new feelings of love.

—

You found out you were pregnant from the little clues your body gave you. You ignored them at first, telling yourself you missed your period because of the stress from making clothes, telling yourself that the nausea was from eating something weird the night before, telling yourself that the soreness on your lower back and chest was from sitting hunched over your desk as you sewed.

But one morning after throwing up you sat against the wall and thought about it. You put all the symptoms together and thought about what they could mean before the possibility of being pregnant dawned on you.

You stared at the panel of wood across from you for what seemed like hours before a tear slipped down your cheek.

You didn’t know why you were crying. You didn’t even know if this was a good thing or not. But you sat in that same spot for what must have been days just letting tears silently fall down your cheeks. You remember you grabbed your hair close to the roots and tugged, wanting to pull it out. You had pressed the heels of your hands against your eyes, hoping to stop the flow of hot tears before you stood up.

You took a deep breath and composed yourself, blinking the remaining tears from your eyes and wiping the wetness from your cheeks with a cloth. 

When you walked out of the bathroom, you ignored your revelation for as long as you could, hoping you were wrong. And it worked for a while. You dealt with the nausea and the soreness and the annoying voice in the back of your head telling you to start preparing for whatever baby might be on the way. You ignored it all and continued with your life as usual, making clothes and cleaning whatever mess you made and making food for one.

Of course, there was the occasional letter Erwin sent that told you his break was postponed. Every time it was because of something different. Be it the commander had gotten hurt again, there weren’t enough soldiers to spare, or some paperwork needed to be filled out. It didn’t matter what it was, there was always a reason for Erwin to stay.

It didn’t matter, though. Because you had everything figured out. You were making enough of a living on your own to provide for yourself and still have leftover money to do what you pleased with.

Sure, it had been almost four months since you last saw Erwin, but that was to be expected. He was part of the Scouts regiment, his schedule was bound to be busy.

All throughout that, you had been able to ignore your earlier revelation of being pregnant. In fact, you had nearly forgotten about it completely with how easily you were able to weave the daily dizzy spells and vomit into your life.

That is, you were able to ignore it until four and a half months later when you started to show. Your clothes started fitting just a little bit tighter and two weeks later you found yourself measuring the size of your stomach to make dresses that fit comfortably.

When you seemed to finally realize you were growing a child inside of you, you became more cautious of the things you did. You immediately sen Erwin a letter informing him of your pregnancy and started giving yourself bigger servings of food to help the baby inside of you grow and receive nourishment.

Erwin had yet to come back, but you had sent a strongly worded letter to Commander Keith Shadis, begging him to allow your husband to come home even if it was only for a day.

It worked, and a week and a half later you opened the front door to your husband, concerned and asking what was wrong before his eyes trailed down to your stomach. His eyes had widened, and you had to gently pull him by the arm to get him inside the house.

He stood in shock as you grabbed his luggage and set it to the side and took off his coat and hung it for him—all the things a good wife does for her husband. He abruptly turned his head in your direction as you hung his coat, mouth slightly agape as he took in your form again.

His eyes lingered on your stomach. It was barely noticeable, but it was an obvious change for someone that hadn’t seen you in months.

He took a tentative step closer to you and gently grabbed your hand. You look up at him, meeting his piercing gaze. You can’t discern exactly what he’s feeling, but he squeezes your hand and you figure that must count for something.

“Darling, are you . . ?” He can’t finish his sentence, but you know what he’s asking. You almost want to shake your head and deny it, and you probably would if it weren’t so obvious.

But you nod. And you watch as Erwin drops to his knees and begs for forgiveness.

—

The silence is deafeningly loud at dinner that night. Erwin holds your hand in his as your forks silently clang against the bowls. He runs his thumb over your knuckles, almost as if he’s scared to let you go. He keeps giving you apologetic looks, glancing over when he thinks you aren’t looking.

“I’m fine,” you finally say when you’re able to make eye contact with him. “Just . . .”

You trail off, making a vague hand motion to yourself. Erwin nods, and he doesn’t give you an apologetic glance again. But his hold on your hand does tighten. When you stand up to collect the dirty dishes, Erwin stands as well. He picks up the bowls and forks before you get the chance to, leaving you standing by the table helplessly.

“I can do things on my own,” you softly say when he comes back. He pushes both of your chairs in and takes your hands in his again. He looks down at you with heartbroken eyes and licks his lips before talking.

“I know. I just feel so bad that I wasn’t here.” He squeezes your hands, pressing his soft lips to your forehead. You close your eyes, allowing yourself to bask in the feeling of it after going what felt like forever without his touch. “I should have been here.”

“It’s okay,” you say, because it really is. He was busy and had things more important than his wife on his plate. He can’t be there for you like you want all the time. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

“I should have been here then. You shouldn’t have had to keep this for so long.”

“I told you about it in the letters I wrote.”

“What letters?” There was just the smallest sense of panic in his voice, and when you opened your eyes to look at him you saw the tips of his ears turn red.

“Did you not get my letters?” Your brows pulled together in a confused glance because you’re sure you addressed them correctly. Maybe you didn’t even send them to begin with. Or maybe they simply got lost in the mail.

But no, you did nothing wrong. Erwin had seen every single envelope addressed to him, and he always smoothed his finger over the edges before he set it down and told himself he’d read it later.

He never did. But you didn’t need to know that.

“I-I didn’t,” he lied. And he felt so bad about lying because you had done nothing to deserve being lied to. You had only been the wife he’d dreamed of having, waiting patiently for him to come home after weeks of being away.

He watched your expression fall. It wasn’t a drastic change, but it was just enough for him to notice.

“Oh. That-That’s alright. They probably got lost or something. Postal service, you know?” You let out a fake, pained chuckle before clearing your throat and glancing away. “But, uhm, yeah. I guess this is kind of it.” You vaguely motioned to yourself, biting the inside of your cheek.

Erwin stared at you, not knowing what to say as he watched you chew on your lip. You two stood in silence for what must have been hours before you finally drew out a breath and walked away. You didn’t know where you were going, but you assumed you would just figure that out as you went.

And you do figure it out, because you remember a dress you agreed to make for someone that’s waiting in the living room. Erwin follows you through the house, hesitantly putting his hand on your shoulder once you had started working.

“My love, are you upset?” His voice is soft, acting as if he were in a library.

You shake your head, not moving your focus from the needle and thread in your hands. “I’m fine. What would I even be upset about?”

“Y/n, I am so sorry. I would have come running if I’d known you were pregnant.” Erwin knelt beside you, placing a hand on your thigh and gently squeezing. The other was warm on your back, and you noticed how much rougher they had gotten as he traced small circles on the exposed skin of your nape.

“I said I was fine. I’m just tired.” That much was true. You were exhausted. You never imagined being pregnant would take this much out of you.

“Please let me do something for you. I can rub your back, or clean something, or-or make you breakfast tomorrow.” He sounds desperate, and the way he slightly pulls your leg to get you to face him tells you that he truly is. You can see the guilt in his blue eyes, and God it makes you feel so bad because he feels this way because of you. Sure, you expected some sadness and longing to come from this relationship, but not this.

So you give in. You put down your work, let your shoulders slump as you face him, and let out a breath. “Okay,” you say quietly. “You can make breakfast for me tomorrow if you want.”

Erwin lets out a relieved breath and closes his eyes, mouthing something you don’t catch before he presses your foreheads together and leaves a lingering kiss on your lips.

“Thank you.” His mouth stays against yours as he says it, and he kisses you again. “I promise to make everything up to you. I told you that you’d have everything you ever wanted in our marriage and I intend to make that a reality.”

You softly hum as he pulls away and stands, holding his hand out for you to take. You take it, because even though you can do these things yourself it’s still the touch of his hand against yours.

He leads you to the bedroom, where he kisses your hand and tells you he’ll be just a moment before leaving.

You spare a glance out the window and notice it’s late. You spent more time making dinner because you weren’t used to cooking as much as you did at once and you had burnt the first attempt. Erwin wouldn’t have minded, but you wanted to make him a nice dinner.

You undress, finding a nightdress that fits a bit too snugly and moving to put it on before you catch a glance of yourself in the mirror. You notice the faintest lines on your breasts and lightly trace over them with your fingers. They weren’t there before, and you’re not sure how to get rid of them.

You hear Erwin’s footsteps coming back to the room, and you quickly slip the nightgown over your body. It’s almost too small, and you know you’ll have to either make or buy new clothes soon.

You look at yourself in the mirror again. God, you hate the way you look. Exhausted and overworked, which makes no sense because you’ve been sleeping for the right amount of time and haven’t been piling too much work on yourself. You just look so worn out.

When Erwin opens the door and sees you looking at yourself in the mirror, he thinks you’re admiring the bump. He comes up behind you, trailing his hand across your shoulder and kissing your temple.

“I promise I’ll be more present,” he says against your hair. He places both hands on your arms, kissing you again before making eye contact with you in the mirror. “I promise, love.”

You softly hum, forcing a smile as you meet Erwin’s gaze in the mirror. “It’s alright. I know you have other responsibilities.”

“Nothing is more important than you,” he intejects. He turns you around so you’re face to face, making it so you can’t escape his gaze. “You should be the first thing on my priority list, Y/n. Don’t let me forget that.”

You softly nod, keeping your expressionless face as you stare at yourself in the mirror. He looks at you with sad eyes before leaning in, kissing your forehead.

“I love you, Y/n. I promise I’ll be better.”

“Just be here when they’re born. Or soon after. I just want you with me when they’re here.”

Erwin nods, a sort of determination evident in his eyes. “I will. I will, I promise.”

And what right did you have to think he was lying?

—

Erwin was called back to his post three days later.

He had left you alone again, but this time it became a routine of two weeks where he wasn’t home and two weeks when he was. You had formed your schedule around that, running most of your errands and chores while he was gone and clearing your agenda so you could spend time with him while he was off.

You often went to the market to buy groceries together, and Erwin would cook dinner for you in the evenings while you watched him from the dinner table.

You were pissed at him, but that had slowly gone away. You never stopped loving him, but something about having him back more regularly made your stomach flip.

Until he went off on an expedition and scared the shit out of you when he returned home two days later.

It only got worse after that. His stay with the scouts would extend further and further, making your time with him shorter.

And you truly didn’t understand why he couldn’t just come home when he was given breaks, especially because somehow Anastasia can find the time to visit you.

And that’s where you’re at now, sitting on the couch with Anastasia as you vent all of this to her. She’s silent as you talk, leaning back against the arm of the couch and nodding along with everything you say. She puts her input every now and then, making the kind of comments only she could get away with because they were funny.

And eventually, once you’ve gotten everything off your chest, you get up to make Anastasia tea because you hadn’t offered her any when she came in. It was the polite thing to do, especially since she was one of your closest friends.

However, when you stand, pain shoots through your body. You recognize it as a contraction, which is how you know you’re going to have this baby soon.

You try to continue with the task, but you have more and more contractions closer and closer together, and eventually Anastasia pieces two and two together before you do and rushes you out your front door.

She bribed someone with a wagon to give the both of you a lift, and before you know it you’re at a doctor’s clinic being told to calm your breathing.

“Y/n, why did you decide to have a baby at 16? This is actually a terrible idea.”

Maybe it was.

Maybe this entire thing was a mistake. Maybe you should have waited and thought this through before diving in headfirst. Maybe your parents were right and you should have given this entire thing more thought.

But those doubts are silenced. Because sixteen hours later on August 13, you hold your precious baby boy for the first time and realize this is it. Now that he’s here, Erwin has to be home more often.

You name the infant in your arms Benjamin—a strong name for the son of a strong man. A strong base for what you hope will turn into a strong relationship.

You could feel your eyes drooping, fighting off sleep as hard as possible. You had Anastasia write to Erwin and tell him his son had been born, telling her to keep it short and sounding urgent.

And she agreed, leaving your side to grab a sheet of paper to write on. In the short amount of time she was gone, you dozed off, hoping and praying and wishing this would be enough to get your husband back home.

But not all dreams come true, because Erwin Smith saw his son for the first time three months and fourteen days after he was born.

with ten minutes left of his birthday, happy birthday Erwin Smith

this is going to be a super long multipart series guys i’m sorry 💀 (not a lot of parts tho). also the title of this is literally complete bs i just had to title it so i just used the EP “Good Grief” by Leanna Firestone because I used the songs in that to describe a lot of feeling

but anyways! please for the love of god supoort this because i wrote this entire series in like two months and am going back and editing right now and i poured my entire heart and soul into it please like it

also know that it only goes downhill from here

but i hope y’all enjoyed it anyways

-Izzy <3

next part >>

TAGGING: @daisynik7 if you’d like to join the taglist for this series or be notified whenever I write for Erwin please leave a comment or DM!

[realiana00kavendish]

Marley Erwin Smith

This my first time writing HC, It's an au about if Eyebrows was born in Marley.

Erwin's father was one of the owl's followers.

Smith was killed because his son accidentally exposed him.

Erwin was determined to avenge his dad.

So he joined the warriors, we all know he is intelligent and strong.

Kruger knows about his father's murder so he sends Grice to tell Erwin to join them.

Erwin is grown now about 20 while Zeke is about 10.

Our eyebrows successfully gained the colossal tittan and he will be replaced with Bendict Cumberbolt 13 years from now ( you can choose what ever tittan, but i picked this).

Finally Zeke betrayed his parents for baseball, and Erwin and Kruger had to join Grisha to Paradise.

Kruger tells them what they had to do, Erwin suggested breaking the wall and slipping in the crowd ( good person or not Erwin believes in sacrifices)

Anyway one of them is adopted by Keith and he helps the other getting in.

Erwin will join the scouts he is a warrior and he think it is the fastest way to find the founder.

And that's when he meets Marie.

Since he and Nile both fell for her at first glimpse , he will fall for her in this au too. ( his love route went from Keith x Carla in cannon to Historia x Riener in my au haha)

Death glares to Nile 25/8.

Already close friends with Mike and Keith.

Tell Grisha he will Marry Marie in order to remove their suspicious aura ( guess he knows when he will die in this life time lol)

And again His acting skills manage to make him Levi’s host after he became a captin.

He and Grisha find the royalties hidden crystal ground when Eren was 1 year old.

Grisha stepped on Erwin nerves when he showed his weakness regarding his family, Erwin reminds him that his real wife is out there a pure royal tittan.

Erwin is aware that Levi shall follow him no matter what, so he requested him to take down Kenny while he kills the rest with his tittan.

He shall goes to the Tyburs after knowing their secret and threatened them, tell them to form an alliance if he failed he will use Historia's blood and activate the rumbling using the founder's power.

He avenge his father, adopte Historia , killed 2/3 of humanity then ruled the rest and now Eldia is the strongest.

no curse broken but happy ending .

There are many endings for this au but i choosed the easiest to write sorry 🙂✨.

Maybe making a better one in future.

©rea.kavan

[ackermantihora]

"The Extractor's subconscious" snk inception!AU [2/6] an illustration to my collab work with ~colour_palette  "Coordinates of reality"

[kobutareads1]

Ten Years by AtPK

Modern AU. Alternative universe. In a society where all relationships have an expiration date, Erwin and Levi have run out of time.

This is a quietly angsty fic with a happy ending.