#essay ish

[cadaver-callum]

Animal language

(Ramble)

More so a thought than anything else but I find it super cool that depending on biomes certian language aspects in animals is carried over cross species as a survival strategy or hunting method. How cats mimic bird chirping or butterflies have eye spots on their wings. Both are very good at taking language from one species to another. It also in some way explains what fears other animals may have or what they love the most by another species picking up on that.

Possums playing dead is fascinating to me as its just confusing enough for predators to leave them alone and it works so well they're the only marsupial im north america

I also feel domesticated animals have different tones or outright languages compared to wild animals that I find annoying sometimes cause well it reminds me of humans which i think is funny.

I think from hands on experience i relate most to raccoons, possums and chickens. Ungulates lately was something i understood language wise clearly at first but i think i had novice confidence and now i feel i know nothing. Raccoons completely confused me at first but now im beginning to understand why they act the way they do.

They are noteably extremely aggressive to animals their size and sometimes bigger if the opportunity is right. They will dominate smaller animals if they can at any chance. I find their resiliency and unyielding aggression admirable even if it means they will rip open a metal cage like a tim can to eat the heads off of baby possums (true story, thats why you need to secure enclosures SUPER WELL)

If i could hypothesize, i would suggest that this behavior is an extreme version of opportunistic behavior where they take every resource they can even if they dont need it or even if it only lowers competition slightly because they already have to deal with hawks, owls, coyotes, ect. Raccoons makes holes to ecosystems to fill them so to speak by killing as many possible competitors as possible.

They aren't the only animal that does this but what makes raccoons stand out to me is their ability to adapt to niches so quickly and readily. They can adapt to a skunks niche, possum, squirrels and other small mammals while not perfectly the same they can still find ways to compete with all of them.

Raccoons have a habit of picking an area and staying in it to use every resource if they can find a place to sleep and food to eat consistently they will wipe the floor with anything else their size that already lives there.

Tldr: raccoons are cool

[underbootsociety]

Just watched Spirited away, got some obsevations below:

(Spoliers under the cut)

Spirited Away seems to be about the effects of greed (or capitalism? Or industrialisation?) Idk I'm just grasping at the surface level symbolism

First remark by Chihiro's mum is "this place is so small, I'll have to shop in the town over"

Chihiro's parents wolfing down food not meant for them, turning them into pigs

Yubaba, the boss of the bath house abusing her workers, stealing the names of her employees and, controlling Haku with magic.

Haku used to be a river that was drained and developed over (the river forgetting his identity because of industrialisation)

The river spirit that was mistaken for a stink spirit- they pulled junk- human junk, bicycles and washing machines and fishing nets out of him.

Yubaba states that No Face came because of the employees' greed, and No Face is a spirit that eats and consumes without abandon

And Yubaba focuses so hard on her bath house that she fails to notice that her baby has been replaced (her baby being the only person she shows love towards)

Also beyond that there are themes of working in a capitalist society

Chihiro being expected to learn her job quickly, and learn by doing

Idk sonething about worker solidarity too where Haku, Lina and Kamaji all try to help out Chihiro, but have to hide the fact that they're helping?

And forgetting your name seems to be like a homogenising thing, how work treats your personhood/ identity is unimportant.

Can deffo see why this was seen as a scary movie. Chihiro's parents are taken away from her, and she is thrust into a world she barely understands. Guh.

Anyways. Another great Ghibli film.

[thetownsroyalmuseum]

context: trans reggie

Regulus Black has this deep urge to tell people stuff.

He obviously he couldn’t tell his parents everything because “You never shut up. You should learn to be more ladylike” so he learned to keep his mouth shut around them.

But he would burst into Sirius’ room all the time just to tell him small, meaningless stuff

“I just stubbed my toe, but then Kreture got me strawberries so i dont care anymore”

”what were to happen if you mix a poison with a growing potion?”

”SIRIUS! A butterfly just flew by my window!!”

”look look look! My socks are fuzzy!” (Andy secretly got them for him)

“siriuuuuuuus, my hair hurts”

“I drew something cool!” (Proceeds to show Siri a drawing of the same thing he’s drawn non-stop for a week and has shown sirius every single time) (“woah reggie thats amazing”)

etc. etc. etc.

like he just has a need to externalize all of his thoughts

so when Sirius left for hogwarts, Reg started writing them all down, and that���s how he got into writing.

by the time Sirius came back for Christmas that year, Reg had filled three notebooks full of just meaningless thoughts

obviously then they had a falling out and Reg hid his emotions even more, and he started writing even more

and thats when the whole emo poetry boy thing started

Eventually (around third year) he felt comfortable enough with the Skittles to tell them his thoughts

so randomly throughout the day he would whisper nonsense to them and they’d just smile at him, knowing that (unless he’s exited) theres no need to answer.

if he is exited than you best fucking believe they’re exited with him

but i just think he needs people to know his thoughts and to validate them. Because if not then are they even real? Like obviously they’re real but do they don’t count if it’s just in his head. They don’t actually exist.

and it’s the same thought process as to why he hides his emotions

if people aren't aware of them they don’t exist

i could keep going into deep thought about this urge and how it relates to his character and his relationships but for the point of this post, which was supposed to be cute, i’ll shut up here.

But yea

Regulus Black gives out his thoughts as if they were nick nacks

//This is MY opinion, if you don’t like my characterization of Reg, either scroll by or add something RESPECTFULLY. If you think this fits another character better, or would like to add something please do!!//

[shiraiqa]

I think its funny that IR antis will discard any possibility of the Ichiruki and Masisshin rescue scenes paralleling eachother because of the ichigo-throwing-rukia-at-renji gag, because apparently that means Ichigo doesn’t want to protect Rukia and doesn’t value her safety.

That argument maybe would have merit if it weren’t for the fact Ichigo spent the entire latter half of the arc declaring over and over that he will save Rukia, he will not let her die, and on top of it all fighting everyone including her own BROTHER just to save her. Yeah, okay, he definitely doesn’t wanna protect her..

Also, the Brave Souls trailer DIRECTLY paralleled these scenes, and this is an official source. (sourced from @hourlykuchiki on twitter)

bonus: here’s a panel of Uryu saying Ichigo would be mad if he wasn’t the one to save Rukia lol

[witofspaeds]

I think it's so heart breaking to see Anxious Avoidant Attachment style Rogue in X-Men '97 paired with Anxious Attachment style Gambit.

Namely because I can see myself in both their shoes and oof ouchie. But here's how I come to this conclusion:

Rogue has spent the most formative years of her development into the woman she is, namely how she shows romantic love, hurting the people she cares the most about. Putting sexual intimacy aside, she cannot hold the hand of a friend without a glove, she cannot kiss a lover, it's been a long time since she got a good hug, and she probably fears that she won't be able to have or hold children.

Gambit has spent his formative years learning to run as far away as possible from anything that can truly hurt him, but holds fierce and fights hard for what and who he loves. He grew up in instability and clings to anything comforting like a man overboard to a piece of driftwood. He has distanced himself a fair bit from the rest of the team because they aren't as comforting to him. But Rogue, with her Deep South Accent and her fiery personality, probably feels like a slice of home. Obviously he also fell for her for other reasons, but he's clung onto her and the possibility of a romantic relationship since he got the idea in his head.

But Rogue doesn't want to burn the people she loves, and Gambit is willing to throw himself into the fire to feel the warmth "I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre" style.

I know personally the pain she feels, and it fuels my conviction that she made the wrong decisions coming to the right conclusions in Ep. 5. She didn't want him to get hurt, so she pushed him away. By the time what he had said, that some things ran deeper than skin and that he was willing to figure it out without that physical component he was so infamous for, it was already too late, the damage had already been done.

So anyway I'm

devastated*★*☆♪

[dootznbootz]

Do you think Telemachus visits that salted field and thinks of his father?

Penelope tells him how much his father loved him. How he saved him. Kissing his cheek as her own tears fall.

They go together and she tells him how it went, voice trembling, remembering the fear and anger she felt then as it bubbled within her once more.

He's told how his father lunged to save him, thundering hooves nearly crushing his head. How the king trembled as he cooed to his baby. Comforting his son as much as himself, fearing what may have happened if he was not quick enough.

Does Telemachus know that Odysseus would do anything to be able to soothe him again? To kiss those dampened cheeks and pull him into his chest once more?

Does the young prince dig his hands into the dirt? Trying to find anything left from his father?

Does he feel like he also cannot grow just like that field? As though he is partially stunted?

[tovaicas]

not me thinking abt how estinien is consistently one of the most emotionally intelligent characters (at least when it comes to other people) we have yet this is constantly forgotten or minimized

[zephzephyrus]

Alice by Heart and Next to Normal and their depictions of grief

less of an essay and more just a ramble about them, but tdlr; they have their similarities and differences in their portrayals of grief and how the characters deal with it.

it is very long, so you have been warned, and if you read it I hope you enjoy!

I was just in AbH and have a little hyperfix on N2N, so here we go.

The way these two shows depict grief is so wildly different with the way the characters handle their feelings, yet there are similarities (ofc); Alice seeing Alfred and Co. as Wonderland characters and Diana seeing Gabe, neither being who/what they are.

Alice has to deal with the fact that she's losing her best friend, and there's nothing anyone can do to save him. She thinks that reading to him will make it better, that being with her will make it better. Books make things a little less painful, and Alice is all he has, so of course, being near her will make him feel better, thus making him healthy again. Alice is fifteen years old, stuck underground during the London Blitz with no one she knows except Alfred, and the only things she can do to minimise the pain and grief threatening to take over are to deny and escape. She ignores the warning from the Nurse, "Catch that cough, he'll be your death," and goes behind the curtain anyway to drag Alfred into one last adventure through Wonderland.

Alfred, for all he tries to do, begs Alice to let him go, and she can't. He's all she has. So he goes along with it, he follows her into the story and down the rabbit hole. The thing about this is that it's all in their heads. The other people in the underground are cast as characters in Wonderland and play along for the most part. But as Alfred slips further away and begs Alice to just get to the end, one last time, Alice holds on tighter and eventually loses him altogether. Then the Alfred we see is one from her mind, a ghost, a hallucination, because she still can't let go. Not yet.

Diana Goodman has spent years ignoring her grief. Her mental health is a huge part of that and it declines rapidly throughout the show as she continues to push away said grief. Holding on to what should've been, causing the very memory of Gabe to twist into what we see, the spirit of grief clinging to her and antagonising everyone else, just begging to be recognised. Not only that, but she sees him as a normal teen doing normal teen things when he's not tormenting everyone else. He goes to school, stays out late, plays football, argues with her like he would've done—could've done if he were alive. He's not pictured as the perfect kid, he's just a kid.

In the prelude, Gabe tells Diana, "You gotta let go, mom. I'm almost eighteen." He warns her from the beginning that she needs to let go, she needs to grieve, or it'll never get better. And Diana can't. She can't grieve because grieving means forgetting. It means leaving Gabe behind and moving on with her life and acting like he was never there. So, the solution to her is to never grieve cause, "if you won't grieve me, you won't leave me behind." And the continuous refusal to allow those feelings to come to light causes her to spiral and make things so much worse, not just for her, but for her family, too. A cool thing about all that, which I appreciate very much, is that Gabe is constantly in light. Looking at it or going towards it, even saying, “catch me I’m falling,” as if he’s falling away from it, cause Diana is holding him back. She physically holds him back during some of these moments, and he latches on to her during others when it seems like she might let him. 

Both characters believe that if they hold on, then things will turn out fine, that the pain will eventually stop and things will just be normal (no pun intended). We, as the audience, know that it can't happen unless they let go. And while Alice works through her grief during the show, eventually accepting that Alfred is gone, Diana doesn't. She doesn't work through her grief because she doesn't grieve. They give her meds, she goes to therapy, she gets ECT, but she still doesn't grieve. Not until the end, when she realises that it's not something that can be 'cured', that it's a hurt that will stay with her and is part of her, does she allow herself to begin to grieve and let go.

Another thing, the characters in both. In Alice by Heart, the characters help Alice to come to terms with what and how she's feeling, allowing this child to process the hurt as needed. In Next to Normal, the characters—mostly Dan and Dr. Madden—attempt to help Diana in ways they think will work best, but Diana doesn't really want help, nor do they do the one thing that Diana actually needs: naming Gabe. He says so himself with, “Until you name me, you can’t tame me,” representing not just Diana’s grief, but the family's grief and how encompassing it is. Dr. Madden tries, but because Dan also isn't ready to face his own grief, which is a whole other thing, he hinders Diana's progress rather than helping her.

Alfred and Gabe. Alfred wants to let go. He tells Alice that he's running out of time and warns her over and over again that he can't stay. Throughout the musical, he follows her and reminds her of his circumstances, which she refuses to acknowledge, and he eventually becomes a spirit existing in her mind in her vision and allows her to have the closure she needs. Gabe wants to be acknowledged for what he is, who he is, and that is the part of Diana that has been locked away and left to fester into the possessive, desperate, destructive force we see throughout the show. Both are plagued by the grief surrounding them, and they have no control over it, like cogs in a machine.

At the end of Alice by Heart, Alice and Alfred have one last moment together during “Afternoon” to say goodbye. The characters, at the end of the song, are physically holding on to one another as Alice clings to him for a final time. Alfred drops out of singing, lets go of Alice—and she lets him—and walks off stage while Alice continues, signifying that she grieved. She grieved for her friend and was able to continue with her life, not forgetting him. At the beginning of “Winter Blooms”, Clarissa, a snobby girl, says, “At least the story’s done,” to which Alice replies, “No, never done.” She recognises that he’s gone, but she will not forget him. She carries his memory and keeps his story alive.

At the end of Next to Normal, we see Diana realise that holding on is hurting her and everyone around her, so she leaves. Dan finally acknowledges Gabe, even if it’s just for a second, and Natalie helps her dad while also grieving her mom and someone she never knew. During “Light”, they all get/have what they need. Natalie has someone who knows her for her and won’t give up on her, Dan finds someone to talk to, and Diana works through her grief. All while this is happening, Gabe lingers behind them. Not as some malevolent spirit tearing down each attempt to help Diana, but as a watcher; a reminder that he was there, that he is there. A reminder that grief doesn’t go away; it lingers. And that doesn’t have to mean forgetting who you’ve lost. 

Grief is not a linear process. It can be, but it rarely is. It's gut-wrenching and exhausting and long and unforgiving and hard, and these musicals are so very good at depicting it and the journey it takes to just get somewhere with it; Alice taking no more than a day and Diana taking over eighteen years. These musicals show that it's okay to grieve, no matter how long it takes, and that it's not easy, but it is necessary.

This was less of an essay and more of a ramble of thoughts about them. didn't even touch on the religious connotation behind Gabe's name or what it signifies, but that’s for another time (also the tumblr people talk about it, so def go look at those). I adore both of these musicals with all my heart, and they mean so, so much to me. If you haven't seen/listened to either, you absolutely should, and if you've only seen/heard one, you should go check out the other. Okay, ramble done.

[and-his-hands-were-24-crows]

This is a book that I bought in 2002, when it was newly published. I misplaced it for a couple of decades and then found it in a box in my parents' house last year.

It is... incredible, to start rereading this book that was so influential for me and is somehow more than 20 years old. To read introductions from people who experienced the gender politics of the 50s and 60s and learned and grew and saw so much evolution in their lifetimes.

It feels sad, too, to read about the same LGBTQIA+ infighting that we still see. It feels melancholy to read about times when maybe there was less of that. I love seeing the hope for better things, and I worry that perhaps we have not done well enough in these last two decades.

In her introduction, Joan Nestle says, "Think of the richness of the conversation 50 years from now, if we survive the present world."

2002.

If we survive the present world.

[inkdemonapologist]

My BatDR Take That Used To Be Hot But I Left It Out On The Windowsill To Cool So You Should Be Able to Eat It Now Without Burning Your Tongue

its not actually that hot, is what im saying

Anyway my BatDR hot take is that BatDR's story is not fundamentally worse than BatIM with one exception; an exception that, for BatIM, covers a multitude of sins:

BatIM has a theme.

I can't presume the intentions of the creators, but if I had to write an essay on the themes in BatIM, it wouldn't be hard to pick one out: the cost of obsession, or even just, the ruin Joey brought on the studio. In the very first chapter, Henry asks "Joey, what were you doing?" and every single thing in the rest of the game revolves around that central question: what WAS Joey doing? Each audiolog is a snippet of the studio's path to this messed up state; each character you meet is someone ruined by Joey. The major antagonists echo Joey's flaws -- obsession with Bendy as more than a cartoon, obsession with perfection, obsession with fame and greatness and legacy -- but even without that, they're also each a picture of how the lives of people caught in the path of Joey's dream were ruined by it. Bertrum, for example, doesn't match the concept of rubberhose cartoons, but as yet another person screwed over by Joey, he fits the central question of the story, so he feels like he belongs here. Ultimately, in a narrative sense, the Ink Demon isn't the story's monster -- Joey is; the Ink Demon is just the consequence of his reckless ambition.

But what's the theme or central question of BatDR?

You can... try to pick out a theme. There's some promising options, because it feels like the story WANTED a theme, stating its emotional intentions more overtly -- "there's always a choice" to leave the darkness and chose hope; family and the struggle of living in a heavy legacy's shadow; or even just good old mewtwo-brand The Circumstance's Of One's Birth Are Irrelevant, It Is What You Do With The Gift Of Life That Determines Who You Are.

I think, even WITH the clumsy execution of Joey's "arc" and Audrey's lack of real choices, any of those could work about as well as BatIM. But unlike BatIM, the majority of the game doesn't tie in. Joey's tour can be considered relevant -- a picture of the family legacy and the "darkness" that Audrey doesn't yet know she's inheriting -- but like, the audiologs and hints and environment of BatDR are mostly teasing the question of What Is Gent Up To, and the takeover of Gent is detached from Audrey's choices, her family, her legacy, and Gent never really becomes a relevant threat to those things in this game. The Cult of Amok and the Ghost Train have nothing to do with any of these ideas. It might've been neat if Audrey had ever considered, "Did my father really drive all these people insane?", a hint of actually having to wonder about the darkness in her past. Even Wilson only barely brushes against these concepts; he doesn't like Joey and he also is trying to escape his family's heavy legacy, but it doesn't really reflect on his actions and we don't find that last part out until he's about to be dead.

There's also the question Wilson poses of "real" people versus ink creations, and what counts as valid "life." It would be an interesting theme with a lot to build off of in this setting, it ties into Wilson more as Wilson seems to represent the opinion that Inky Things Aren't Really Alive, which could've tied to Audrey (as an ink-person who has yet to accept that part of herself) and maybe given Wilson a reason to think it's fine to sacrifice her, it could've even tied to Gent (who don't even seem to value human life) -- but after Wilson asks the question, it doesn't tie into the direction things go. He smooshes a little Bendy, we see hints of his disregard for Betty, and then everyone continues with their plan to destroy the Ink Demon without any further moral quandaries about inky life.

The thing is, when you compare an element like, say, audiologs, there's a lot of differences you can point to -- but I don't actually think Lacie Benton's audiolog is notably better, taken on its own, than Grace Conway's or Kitty Thompson's, and yet tons of people were intrigued enough to flesh out Lacie. None of them are big plot points or compelling characters on their own; Lacie and Grace both give us a little note on what it's like working in the Studio, and Kitty shares a little bit on how Gent's expansion is affecting people. But when Lacie talks about Bertrum trying to make a creepy animatronic, that ties back into Joey's ill-fated schemes that are the point of the whole story. The question we're asking through the whole game is "what happened here?" so the fandom is interested in who Lacie is and what her life was like and extrapolates a whole person out of a couple sentences. But that's not the question in BatDR -- what has Wilson done to the Cycle and the Demon? Why? Who is Audrey really, and why is she here? Telling us new things about the Studio's fate seems strangely irrelevant to those questions, just an attempt to create a Mystery To Speculate On like the previous game did... but what question you're asking and how it fits into your story's main theme, like, matters. I absolutely believe that one clock animator guy would've been in EVERYONE'S crew if he'd been introduced in BatIM, but the context makes a difference; fleshing him out feels less relevant here.

The explanations of how and why Wilson did everything he did are baffling and handwavey, but in and of itself that's not a worse problem than anything else in the franchise -- I STILL don't understand why the Ink Machine needs pipes in the walls or even how it works, there's no good reason for Sammy to believe the Ink Demon will "set him free," most of Alice's motives don't make sense, etc etc etc. But the thing is that in BatDR, the wibbly bit is the closest thing to a central question we have! Wilson, what were you doing? The theme doesn't really explore or connect to that question, so the explanations that are finally tossed our way feel lacking in a way that BatIM's handwaved elements don't. There's a lot about Joey's motivation in BatIM that we can't know, but the heart of it resonates -- Joey wanted something, he was willing to exploit people to get it, and he became obsessed and prioritised that dream at any cost. We'll weather a thousand logistical inconsistencies if it's got heart.

But all of that said.... to be honest, I don't think Lacie overtly fits that theme anyway. Even, like, Sammy is iffy -- we don't really know what happened to him, only that he didn't used to be made of ink and worship Bendy, and now he does. We assume Joey's nonsense had something to do with what happened to him (though the books later assert his influence was indirect at best), because when there's a pattern, we can fill in the blank. So many fan creators found a place for Lacie, Grant, and Shawn in the cycle as butcher clones or lost ones, so many people imagined that Wally must be the Boris we meet, because that would've fit the pattern, the idea that the point of what we're seeing is the downfall of the studio. It's not actually that BatIM did a great job tying everything together -- it's that BatIM gave us a compelling idea and that was all it took to make everything else SEEM like it could find a place to fit. This is what I mean when I say BatIM's theme covers a multitude of sins. There's a LOT of characters in BatIM that don't make sense. There's a lot of inconsistencies and things that just sort of happen without any real reason. Characters don't really have "arcs" so much as different states they happen to be in at different times. But because there's a central question and the story doesn't wander away from it, our pattern-loving human brains will slot in all the pieces and do all the work to make the story feel at least somewhat coherent.

The things that happened in BatDR aren't a whole lot less coherent than BatIM imo, they just don't tie into a bigger theme or any of the questions the story's asking, making "how do they fit into all this" feel irrelevant, making it easier to forget entire sections and harder to get invested in audiolog characters. I think a lot of the other criticisms people have for BatDR's story are very valid, but I also suspect that if BatDR had a more successful theme/central question, then a lot of its flaws would be easier to overlook -- just like BatIM.

[serenedash]

ok so as a khux Understander do you have any idea how long the span of time between the beginning of the mobile games (foretellers era, daybreak town) and the mainline kingdom hearts games (1,2,3, the "10 years after bbs" stuff) is? i'm halfway through watching the khux story cutscenes comp and the uncertainty is driving me nuts.

First, I'm honored to be known as a khux understander thank you. Second, sorry but there's no concrete reason as of now. If you squint there's some evidence at a time frame but literally shit has been retconned already which is crazy. So I'll just tell you what I DO know!

I can tell you with certainty that all of khux takes place over the course of about 4-5 years because in the later part of union cross there's a cutscene that literally says "4 years ago." iirc khx/chi takes place over the course of one year while unchained chi/union cross takes place over 4 years.

Besides that though, it's an undetermined amount of time between khux and the start of missing link. Here's a piece of dialogue from the finale of dark road:

This is a great indicator of time between khux and khdr but unfortunately this was literally like immediately taken out with an update so it's unclear whether or not this is canon, which would probably make the span of time between khux and khdr about 100-ish years I guess? (if you want to read more about this script change go look at Kat's post, but maybe after you finish khux/dr since you said you're in the middle of it)

And on top of this, Xehanort and Eraqus are about 15 in dark road and during BBS it's been confirmed they're both in their 80s. With certainty I can 100% say that dark road is about 70 years before bbs but that's the only concrete mobile game answer I have. But you could estimate with the original screenshot and this that there's about 170 years between khux and bbs. Again just an estimate, nothing canon, and I'm sure that one edit must've been made due to the development of missing link. Hopefully khml will give us a better answer on time frames!

Hope this helps (as unsatisfying and unconfirmed this is) and feel free to come back with any more questions I love talking about khux :]

[ilovemenlolz]

hello Tumblr ,,, got suspended from my discord account. wowie.

...

In other news I'm. Starting antebellum lockdown...!!

[samble-moved]

reminder that homura is a middle schooler. she is 13 or 14 years old, depending on source. she is not old enough to drive or have a permit. she is not old enough to live on her own (it's implied her parents are out of the picture in some way — in the US she'd need to be in adoptive or foster care, or at least have a guardian or social worker, but this appears to be handwaved in the series and none are ever shown). she cannot vote. she is not old enough to get a job (earliest i've seen is 14 in the US, and that's usually in not great environments, in summer, and for low pay and short hours). she is only "independent" in the sense that it's forced upon her by lack of any adult support — nobody helps her fill out school transfer forms, she lives alone, she has no shown family or even mentions of relatives, nobody visits her in the hospital, etc.

i say this because a lot of "anti homura" arguments act as if this information doesn't exist, and that homura is "actually an adult" or at the same level as one due to looping. she canonically is not. her brain and physical body are not developing, she is only learning walpurgis tactics and memorizing test answers. her brain is not developing so she's not "mentally 26", like is often claimed by "homura is a predator" truthers. i'm not even going to touch on how weird and borderline creepy it is to say "she's a child but so mature for her age (from extreme, repeated, potentially pre-series trauma), so she must be an adult and can be treated like one".

there is a reason that children are typically tried differently in the US. unless "tried as an adult" for very serious crimes, it is widely accepted that children (and even young adults) are more impulsive, think less rationally, and are generally "less responsible" for their actions due to not having the experiences of a full grown adult. children are less mature, more prone to "overreaction" and panic, and are immature — because they are kids.

homura is a child. she also has extreme trauma, potentially from before the series even began (where are her parents? are they just neglectful? dead? why isn't there even a single adult helping her?) that is never helped or addressed. homura doesn't get help for any issues she has (obvious ptsd and depression, borderline delusions over the past being "just a dream" in wraith arc). she is not some spoiled, rich, mentally stable almost-adult who's never faced a consequence. she is a young and traumatized teenager, young enough to be a middle schooler, and has experienced:

neglectful, absent, missing, or dead family/parents

watching her friends die horrifically almost a hundred times

having zero adult support at all, no caseworker or help

bullying, half being because she's disabled

having her soul ripped from her body without consent and learning if she ever loses her soul gem (or god forbid accidentally drops it somewhere), her body will basically be "dead"

learning she and all her friends turn into eldritch horrors when they die, a process shown in rebellion to be something they are aware for (aka the horror that witches aren't "just" bodies being moved, they are actively and constantly suffering and aware to some degree the whole time)

learning that the witches they fight are girls around their age who fell into despair, and not purposeless monsters

learned of the prospect that witches can potentially "regrow" via familiars, thus if their consciousness transfers, this shows the possibility of literally eternal suffering as the witch is "reborn"

realization that, the more she tries to save madoka, the worse the situation gets

having a full on breakdown with delusions in wraith arc, thinking maybe madoka was all just a hallucination or a dream she had

finding out in rebellion it wasn't a dream, but then thinking she betrayed madoka by not stopping her from contracting

becoming a witch whose whole theme is based around suicide and wanting and waiting to die, but not being able to

being a witch whose familiars are malicious towards her and belittle her

trying to "fix" her believed betrayal of madoka by making a new world, ending up hated by sayaka and isolated from her friends

is still stuck as a witch while the last event happens!!! (her soul gem is never shown purified)

all of this while she is 13-14.

homura is not some cruel adult playing god because she is bored and likes the power trip and wants the world to burn. she is a deeply traumatized and mentally ill child who never got help. she is not a predator — and i honestly don't know if that is more of a "she's a predator because she's the most openly sapphic" or "she's a predator because she's traumatized and thus 'acts weird' due to trauma" belief nowadays in most anti-homura spaces, i've seen both. she is not a murderer or rapist or whatever else i've seen (yes, "homura is a sexual predator" claims exist, despite this never once even being implied). she is not an abuser — you can argue she's cold or rude, but she is not "an abuser".

if a child like homura existed irl (and they do exist), a professional's first thought would not be "this is an evil, irredeemable, abusive predator who can be treated like an adult", it'd likely be a reaction of horror and deep concern of "what happened to this child to make her act this way?". someone being "the perfect victim" — that is, being soft, demure, sweet, docile, flawless — in response to trauma is a harmful myth for a reason. some trauma victims will react with anger. some may be overly happy in an attempt to prevent further abuse. some, like homura, end up acting "cold" to try and avoid being further hurt. it doesn't mean homura doesn't experience emotion, hates her friends and wants them to suffer, is a predator, is "a bad person", etc.

think! when you write posts about how homura is actually an evil, awful, no good, very bad person with no positive traits, remember she is a middle schooler. of course, she's not a "real" child, and thus doesn't exist to have her feelings hurt over it, but consider this: would you say these things to/about a real child? are you aware that "real children" (often victims of trauma themselves) relate to homura due to this? i was one of them at 14ish, and while "homura is evil [for acting like a traumatized child often does]" discourse never left me particularly hurt, i know it does genuinely upset several people i know. and if you had, say, a real life child relative who acted "cold" after seeing their friends die horribly, would you call them an evil and irredeemable abuser as well?

[aideneverybody]

Okay, screw it. I wrote an opinion essay for class, it’s an essay on Luka.

Disclaimer: this is my first real essay, and for whatever reason I’m putting it on this site (🫶), so don’t be mean please. also mentions of using chatgpt to summarize information, but! I only did it because my teacher said we should do so if we needed a quick summary. fuck ai on absolutely every other front. also, references are supposed to be imbedded links in the text, idk if that’ll appear or not. if it doesn’t and people wanna know what my sources are I can reblog with a list or smth.

Also, obviously spoilers for Alien Stage.

Without further ado, I suppose..

Why Luka (Alien Stage) is an Extremely Complex Case.

Do you ever have that one character that you know has done some messed up things, but you can’t help but love anyways? Yeah, I think we all do. Especially if they have reasons for it, and especially if those reasons are justifiable.

Like, for example, Luka from the webseries Alien Stage, a show about singing for your life against another person (if you’re a human, that is). Luka is a character with a terrible personality who has committed what should be unforgivable actions, from manipulating opponents with memories of their dead loved ones to allegedly killing his crush’s brother during an altercation as a teenager.

A lot of people, in the show and its fanbase, love him, and others hate him reasonably. No matter what your opinion is on him though, there’s a lot of complexities to take into account when it comes to Luka, like the environment and view he was raised in, the way humans are manufactured in the world of Alien Stage, and the ways surviving all of it can twist a character to become like Luka.

The environment we see the humans in Alien Stage raised in is hardly ideal for anybody other than maybe Truman Burbank, and the human-pets raised there. As a child, many children including Luka inhabited ANAKT Garden, a school of music created to teach human-pets how to sing.

The environment a child is raised in can affect their mental health greatly by changing brain structure and function, and that may have been the aliens’ idea, but… did they do it right, with what they were attempting to achieve?

According to a post regarding ANAKT Garden on the official Alien Stage Patreon, “The environment is modeled after Earth's nature because it is known to be the optimal setting for humans to produce the most beautiful voices. Everything in Anakt Garden is designed to keep pet humans in the best possible condition”, and according to the official artbook’s English translation, “[ANAKT Garden] was designed as an average value by synthesizing abstract visual data from human perception of 'heaven'. But it can never be said to be a perfect heaven because it was created without a complete understanding of human beings”. In simple terms: they failed, at least somewhat, to make an environment that made humans feel… well, human, or at least ever at peace. From the grass to the skyline, everything that surrounds the children at ANAKT Garden is fake, not to mention littered with cameras; and that’s not exactly good for mental health.

However, I highly doubt the aliens cared about the mental health of their pets, as long as they sang properly, so I suppose them turning into an ambitious, calculating, cold-blooded person is just an added perk.

The environment Luka was raised in wasn’t exactly “human”, which didn’t help with the growth of his humanity.

Luka’s surroundings can’t be the only thing blamed for his behaviors as an adult, however; he is a product, and products are meticulously designed and manufactured.

Though ANAKT Garden is a school of music made for children, it could also be considered a factory of sorts. Learning how to warm up your vocal cords and read music notes aren’t the only type of performance training children who attend are subjected to. Students are put through more rigorous exercises like heavily monitored, technologically advanced dance, singing and instrumental training, as well as some more “interesting” tests like “superiority tests”, “image making training”, and one specifically tailored to Luka that I’ll explain.

Luka has three documented conditions: chronic migraines, asthma, and congenital heart disease. His special training? “Heart rate variability”. This is defined as “controlling heartbeats to induce the fear of death”, and is exclusive to Luka.

However, as a child, not only was Luka faced with an inescapable threat of death due to his illness, but he was also isolated and ignored by peers due to his weaknesses. Said weaknesses were not helped by limitations he was given when it came to food. Luka was not allowed to eat much as a child, put on a strict diet by his owner, Heperu, and thus could very easily lead to something referred to as scarcity effect.

Luka is also undeniably a good example of the aftereffects of being a child star. He was marketed since he was a student at ANAKT Garden; an official Patreon post stated, “…even while attending Anakt Garden, [Luka and a classmate] kept gaining recognition for their external activities in the showbiz world”. Effects of being exposed to fame as a child, as summarized by chatGPT and paraphrased by me, include stressfully high expectations in regards to success, exploitation from parents/guardians - in this case his owner, identity issues due to constantly being in the eye of the public and being unable to separate a stage persona from your genuine self, invasion of personal space and a struggle to maintain the boundaries of a private life, failure to maintain healthy personal relationships and developing less than ideal coping mechanisms.

These could very well be applied to Luka. He grew up forever in the eye of the public and surrounded by cameras, has a very manipulative owner, and has no personal relationships to speak of.

Luka is a star because he was bent and twisted and rearranged mentally to be so, in not just ugly ways but extremely unethical ones.

Now, where does that leave Luka as an adult? Just as twisted as the ways he was produced, that’s where.

Luka was top of his class at ANAKT Garden, and won the 49th season of Alien Stage. The current canon of the show takes place in the 50th season, and he won that too. He is, no doubt, easily classified as a “winner”, and certainly a successful investment as a human-pet. Although, I wouldn’t say the word “human”, in all of its glory as one of the most wonderful adjectives that could be applied to a person, fits Luka as a character anymore.

Recall when I brought up the scarcity effect. As defined by Wikipedia, “[In the area of social psychology] Scarcity is basically how people handle satisfying themselves regarding unlimited wants and needs with resources that are limited. Humans place a higher value on an object that is scarce, and a lower value on those that are in abundance”. One of the effects of scarcity effect in humans can be a lack of empathy towards others when they believe time is short, and when your heart is constantly working against you, when isn’t it? Luka, in the artbook, is described as a man who “didn't care whether others were hurt or not because he lived only to prove his own value without giving up his side to anyone. He has no hesitation in trampling others and climbing up”. He does things like study his opponent’s weak points and actively exploit them on stage in order to win. There’s your lack of empathy. Furthermore, the conditional variations of new scarcity and competition fits Luka well. To quote the Wikipedia on scarcity effect again, “New scarcity occurs when our irrational desire for limited resources increases when we move from a state of abundance to a state of scarcity”. In regards to competition, “In situations when others are directly competing for scarce resources, the value we assign to objects is further inflated”. I believe it’s a if-the-shoe-fits-type situation, and the shoe is currently the perfect size for Luka.

He won Alien Stage. He won a show that is a matter of life and death, where the best of the best are put up against each other with not only the pressure of a metaphorical, but a literal gun to them. And not only did he win, but he did so while being in a fairly vulnerable position. For example, his migraines. Migraines are known to cause sensitivity to light, and while on stage, Luka is subjected to many of them. He pushed himself to agonizing points, through extremely unsavory training and suffocating amounts of social pressure, to win, and it’s seemed to pay off for him just fine. In the Alien Stage video “TOP 3”, during Luka’s montage, a subtitle appears that consists of the text “The Luka syndrome is sweeping the universe”. The aliens love him. The easy excuse, relying on that information and how it spurs him on, is that fame is an addiction. There are oh so many studies on social media and fame and the problems they can cause. However, I think there’s more to it than that when it comes to Luka.

In an article of the psychology of pretty privilege, it’s said that “[Research] consistently shows that attractive individuals are more likely to be hired, promoted and receive higher salaries. Their appearance-based confidence also enables them to pursue the wages and opportunities they desire and deserve”. I feel like this could be similar to Luka’s current situation. He made it, and he’s idolized, and good things happen when you’re idolized. Indulgence in things like, I don’t know, food and sugar, happen when you’re idolized, as a reward if nothing else. Proper treatment for a myriad of health issues that the aliens are clearly not below abusing and using against him happens when you’re idolized, even if it is just to keep you healthy for the stage. Even rather immature things, like rubbing your success into the faces of those who once overlooked you, happen when you’re idolized.

Why would he want to let that go? He wouldn’t, could you blame him? But, the constant threat of losing it all looms over him. He won Alien Stage Season 49 and got such a wonderful taste of privilege… and then got chucked back into the brutal competition because he was so good. But by then he knew how to play the system, and had a reason to be desperate to play it. His charm on the stage may seem indispensable, but he knows he himself is not.

He remembers the cruel training, he remembers how he got to where he is, and he’s desperate enough for that - hence scarcity effect - that he refuses to let it go, leaving him with a more alien mentality than human. He lives and exists to be entertainment, he knows that, and he knows that without it he may very well not be living at all.

Luka, and many other characters with similar narratives, have many… interesting features that go into their detestable personalities. Luka, as a specific, has had to suffer through uncanny surroundings, torturous stage training, being pushed to aggressively desire things that should be relatively common, the paranoia of being watched and the mental struggles that go hand in hand with the life of a child star, and how that evolved to turn him into a completely inhuman apparatus of a man.

But, honestly? There is so much more to him that I can’t even fit in here. So, with what I’ve presented you, call your own shots! This is just how I view the way he functions and what reasons could be behind it. You could continue or begin to despise him right now, if you wanted; just make sure to acknowledge that he is a very complex character, no matter how you slice it.

[homosexual-work-account]

Short Ramble about symbolism in fanfic vs traditional novels

One thing I’ve noticed about fandom which is SOOO interesting to me as someone who studies literature in my free time and academically is the way that symbolism functions in fanfic versus traditionally published books.

Symbolism traditionally functions to rely an underlying theme or abstract idea in a novel — Jane’s journey to autonomy being represented through birds in Jane Eyre, the creature’s moral struggle being symbolised through his comparison to Lucifer in Frankenstein, fire being a symbol for institutional erasure of history in Farhenheit 451 and so much more — but the key difference between that of traditional media and fanfiction is how it changes the original source material, and how that symbolism is decided!! And I find that so cool!!

What I mean by the first one is that symbolism in fanfic very often is an obvious deviation from the original text — if Tim Drake is symbolised through a dove or crow instead of the canonical birds he is symbolised with in the comics; why? Why did the author choose to change that specific thing — what does that add to his characterisation in the fic? Doves represent purity and innocence — if the fic is about Tim Drake growing up and realising his parents care is insufficient, (as is a common trope in his fan content) then that dove can hypothetically represent him losing his status of innocence and transitioning into a state of maturity through accepting that.

If a fanfic makes a consistent effort to compare a character to a moon — lets say Bucky Barnes — then what does that say about him? The moon is traditionally a feminine symbol — could it then be a symbol for him struggling to accept the different gender roles of the 21st century? Accepting a queer identity? When a symbol is added to a fanfic that doesnt exist in the original, then its very easy to point out and realise what the author is trying to say.

And I love it!! I truly do!! A common reason why so many people find it hard to engage with traditional literature is the fact that so much of it can be hard to deconstruct, especially symbolism. Hell — it took me three rereads to pick up on the fact that birds symbolised Jane’s journey to autonomy because of the fact that there was so much else; it was hard to pick up on and seemed fairly inconsequential at first. Not to mention the levels of snootiness in Academia around literature that turns so many people away because how could you not pick up on (symbol)? It’s so obvious, you must just be stupid.

Fanfic is a much more accessible medium of literature for people because they are already reading about characters they love, and since they already know that what they’re reading is going to be different from the source, its much easier to pick out what symbols are new — what layer of nuance or characterisation was added through them. I love it!! I clap my hands in glee whenever I see it in fic because ‘Look! They added another layer of themes/characterisation through symbolism because they’re so passionate about what they do!!’

The second point is one that I find so fascinating; The choice of specific symbols in fanfic is done through a democratic process of selection through the majority of the fandom.

Now what do I mean by that? Well, a lot of symbolism in fanfic is informed by majority fan interpretations of characters; wherein the symbolism doesn’t explicitly exist in the original text, but does in the fandom. A fan watches the show, forms an interpretation of a character, shares it online, where then fans agree with that interpretation and it forms the fandom's general perception of that character. A lot of those interpretations are linked with symbols — typically animal, but things like Sun and Moon, stars and the ocean and so on are common. In the final stage of this ‘democratic’ process, this symbol is then intertwined with the most common interpretation of this character.

This usually takes the form of jokey types of conversations — Jayce Talis being compared to a dog for his loyalty, Sonic and Shadow to the Sun and Moon for their conflicting personalities and so on. While a lot of this is surface level interpretation, many authors take the extra step and truly examine how that symbol would function with the character. A stray dog for Buck from 911? Well stray dogs are often symbols for abandonment, lack of love, poverty, illness and disease and so on! If the story deals with Buck’s abandonment issues, then a stray would be a perfect symbol of that and how he would function as a ‘stray dog’. If the stray dog in particular is a golden retriever, then an entire layer of literary symbolism is added because those dogs represent loyalty, love, friendship and devotion. If Buck is a stray golden retriever — then what does that mean for him? Is he abandoned despite wanting love? Does he search for love from strangers because he has nothing? Was he abandoned because he was too loyal, too loving? Sometimes this symbolism is completely flipped on its head and then that adds an even deeper thematic level to the work!! It's all so interesting to me how symbolism in fanfic can be used to expand onto characterisation, even when it doesnt exist in the canon text itself!!

Ofc there’s symbolism in fanfics that are much harder to spot than the ones I’ve listed above, but this has been a more surface level commentary about stuff I’ve noticed about fanfic while also being someone who studies motifs and symbolism lol.

Short ramble but one that's been bouncing around my head in the midst of my — ironically — literature exams.

[rancid-zinnia-onthepatio]

MCU's Mysterio was lackluster.

DISCLAIMER: if you like MCU Mysterio THAT IS FINE. I probably love a character you dislike! This is my opinion, it’s not fact.

I become very passionate about characterization, so it’s likely this can be seen as an overreaction to other people. But this is what I like to do so :DDD (I love over-analyzing characters)

So, I’ve obviously been in a Mysterio phase the past little while. I watched Far From Home because I had only heard from people around me about the MCU version of the character. I never watched any MCU movies (besides NWH when it came out), so I didn't know what to expect. At this point, I have watched all of TSSM, read Mysterio’s first issue and a couple others from that era, watched his episodes in the ‘94 cartoon, read Webspinners, and Amazing Mary Jane. I say I have some understanding of what/who Mysterio essentially is.

MCU’s Mysterio, in my opinion, isn’t a good representation of who Mysterio is as a character. The movie seems to only understand him at a surface level. What similarities does MCU’s version have with the common comic consensus? He’s good with technology (and some acting), he’s a liar and a manipulator, and was underappreciated by the people around him. They both also mention illusions, as that is Mysterio’s ENTIRE shtick.

However, I’d argue MCU’s version doesn’t really delve as much into that aspect as it could. Yes, at the time of Mysterio’s debut in the comics, CGI wasn’t really a thing. Perhaps the MCU decided to “modernize” him. But instead, it felt to me, like someone painting an old Victorian house beige to modernize it. Changing his practical effects/magician knowledge to an understanding of holograms feels cheap. Comic Mysterio would absolutely HATE exclusively using CGI. Do other variants use holograms? Yes, TSSM used them a few times. But he also included practical props and magic tricks. Mysterio is a multi-media creative, not just a technician. (To me, anyway.)

The last scene of the movie that features Beck had the perfect opportunity for him to use a robotic clone instead of ANOTHER hologram to trick Peter while he was dying. The smoke surrounding him could've been emitted by the drones, but it was holographic too.

But, holograms are all MCU Beck knows. The other members of his crew had all of the creative or technical traits that the multi-talented stuntman of the comics would have. His character, Quentin, wasn’t even his idea. (Quentin isn’t even his real name, apparently. But we never find out his real name, we just know him as Beck.)

He’s a liar and a manipulator, sure, but that's the most he has that's really in line with who Mysterio is.

He doesn’t have that signature ego the traditional Mysterio is solely reliant on. (To the point where most jabs about him made by Spidey are about said pride. Even in an old PS2 game he called a large robot version of Mysterio “almost as big as [his] ego.”)

When he saves the city from the water elemental, he simply salutes and leaves while the crowd cheers. Mysterio would encourage the cheering, revel in it, as that’s who he is. Hell, even while fighting every elemental in the movie, he does not even try to make a snarky remark or make himself seem cool. (He never even speaks! Only when Peter joins him in fighting does he speak during fights, but it's only to Peter.) Webspinners gave us the idea that Beck knows he’s not the coolest guy ever, but as Mysterio, he can be greater. There is no separation between Beck and Mysterio in the movie, there’s hardly a mask he is putting on (or rather fishbowl). Sure, he tells Spider-Man that “Mysterio is the truth!” seemingly to make Mysterio a symbol, but it falls flat for me.

Usually, Beck and Mysterio are almost two distinct people. Mysterio in the movie has no signature voice or way of speech that makes him grander than the average joe Beck is.

MCU Beck’s given backstory can be interesting, if it weren’t for how it is framed. Note: I do not care about Tony Stark or any of his friends, everything I know about him is surface level. Beck expresses that his holographic technology was taken by Stark and insulted. Supposedly, Beck was fired for being, as he put it, “unstable.” We do not see what this really means. How this scene read to me is that a rich man took advantage of an employee, and thus framed him as mentally unwell to discredit him should he speak up. It could be from my knowledge of Disney’s employee treatment that gives me this icky feeling seeing this scene being framed as “unreasonable” in a way. How dare Beck, a man who’s life's work was stolen and insulted by someone much more powerful than him, get angry at the MCU’s golden boy?

Could Beck be an unreliable narrator here? Absolutely, but from what I heard this is not the first time something like this happens in regards to Stark.

Beck, to me, didn’t read like a loser who puts on a fishbowl to take on a much bigger personality. He feels like a man who you could replace with anyone, and it wouldn’t make that much of a change.

It is such a difference watching that movie, then watching any of his variants in cartoons or reading them in the comics. It’s not even an interesting difference. It’s not a twist on his character that makes me go “Oh, that’s cool.” I'm just left disappointed.

If Beck wasn’t framed as an irrational, short-tempered monster after his “twist reveal,” there could be something to say about his character. He has a legitimate reason to be upset, but it sucks that that is the only motivation he has (and that this motivation drives him so up the wall that he’s willing to kill Peter and mass amounts of people. Mysterio is rarely framed as a killer, from what I’ve seen.).

Yes, Beck is traditionally a very petty man. But my issue is that the backstory also just HAS to include Tony for the sake of Disney's meatriding of him and for Peter's grief the whole movie.

If we use this backstory for him, it could be a representation of lower wage employees being treated as disposable. It could give him some much needed depth. This depth is lost when he gets the “angry killer” characterization after his reveal. It no longer feels like a backstory that makes the audience sympathetic towards him, it feels like we’re just supposed to see that story as the supporting evidence for him being “unstable.” (Because Disney doesn’t want us to side with the lower wage employees that they regularly take advantage of. Look guys! He’s the villain for a reason!)

I could be wrong. This could be a show of how a grudge can turn you into a shell of your former self and lead you down a bad path. Perhaps Beck did have some mental health issues that enhanced his irrationality and anger, but I don’t think that was the intent at all. The framing doesn't feel like we're supposed to feel bad for him. But I do to an extent.

MCU “Quentin” Beck does not feel like Mysterio. He just feels like a guy who knows how to make holograms and maybe says the word "illusion" five or so times.

The illusion Peter is stuck in before he gets hit by a train is actually the only scene I like. There are creative visuals and trippy imagery. But that's one scene, and it's not even that long. Disney, you made the pink elephants on parade segment, do that more.

I simply wished we got the pathetic theater major we ("we" as in Mysterio likers) know and love.

tagged: @mango-water, @cronchyy2, @bluebutterflytears